#yesterday and today were as bad as the first day
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twisted wonderland characters as things i've heard in the locker room... pt.4
(didn't think i'd do one of these again?? but its in memorial for "vil" who's on a break bc of what "ace" and "floyd" did💔)
("yuu" is what i responded)
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deuce: you never know man, some guys get off from being fingered by other guys
jack: are you speaking from experience?
deuce: what? no
epel: don't lie now baby
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floyd: trust me everybody in this school knows that i'm the shit and they about to smell it!
yuu: im pretty sure they always smell it.
floyd: whoa is yuu actually matching my freak today??.... wait a second.
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ace: yo i just found out that eggs work just as good as any lubricant!
jamil: not only are you late to practice, but that is the first thing you say.
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kalim: you know yuu, i find it relaxing when you call my house number in the middle of the night at precisely 02.34am just to rant about your girl friends
yuu: ...i dont do that though
kalim: then who's been calling me at 02.34am every night just to rant about her girl friends?!
(spoiler alert, it was one of the cheerleaders)
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floyd: dude its only been a few hours and i havent rubbed one out yet... im afraid that its gonna effect my kicking
yuu: just how comfortable are you guys with eachother..?
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deuce: it's not a gay thing
jack: there is no way two guys hooking up is not a gay thing!
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ruggie: now that we're bros, does that mean i'm half-black?
jamil: excuse me?
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floyd: whoaa get this guy a strap-on and yuu!
rook: what?
yuu: get the hell away from me.
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jack: OH HELL YEAH!!
jamil: BOOMSHAKALALA YES GOD!!
yuu: never seen those two actually express emotion.
jade: you cannot be talking
yuu: what?
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floyd: everytime i sink my humongous dick into this pocket pussy, i remember my mom
jamil: i'm sorry you WHAT
floyd: yeah? she gifted me this pocket pussy when i was a wee lil boy, im still grateful
lilia: gee i thought you were about to catch a case
leona: doesn't he already have cases of trespassing, drug dealing and almost running someone over?
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yuu: so anyone want red velvet cake? i got nervous yesterday and baked too much.
epel: got nervous? so you baked?
yuu: what? i have habits, i'm human unlike you dogs.
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jade: floyd, i'm pretty sure coach said to spit on the ball, not shit
floyd: he did? oh crap, sorry!
jamil: he shit on the... oh my god OH LORD IS THAT WHY IT WAS STICKY THE WHOLE DAY?? WHY DIDNT YOU TELL US EARLIER
jade: i was benched.
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kalim: hey i think that cheerleaders waving at me!
deuce: dude, look behind you.
kalim: huh? oh
yuu: hey ladies🔥🙏🏽😝😝 (with rizz)
(jokes aside, im quite popular with the ladies and dont know why)
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jack: okay who the HELL whacked off in the bathroom and didn't clean up?
floyd: i used a tissue
ace: i did it yesterday
epel: i flushed it down the toilet
leona: my bad.
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malleus: im not gonna lie, i've been feeling as if im not apart of the team
yuu: welcome to my world, dude.
malleus: ? why do you feel that way, yuu?
yuu: i dont have a penis.
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silver: oh yeah, hasn't yuu been courting this one guy from our class?
ace: no way? i thought she was lesbian
yuu: i'm sitting right here, you know.
#twisted wonderland#twst#football team#floyd leech#twisted wonderland smau#twisted wonderland x reader#twst x reader
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Beginning Of the End III
player 230/Thanos x Reader
★ word count: 10K
★ CW: fem!reader, reader is a player 457, funding issues, fraud, mention of cigarettes, alcohol and drugs, mentions of death, blood, normal squid game stuff
★ previous part, next part
Player 001's voice changed everything.
You stood there, even though the voting had ended a moment ago. You felt like you were still dreaming. Like the nightmare you woke up in would never end. You even pinched the bare skin on your hand. The momentary pain only confirmed your belief that it wasn't a dream or a nightmare, but a terrifying reality that you were stuck in by your own will.
Tomorrow more innocent people will die, and you didn't have the strength to keep playing.
You didn't want to keep playing.
So tomorrow you'll die too.
"Is everything okay, honey?" his voice brought you back to earth. His shaking hand gently touched your cheek. "Are you feeling bad? Why are you ignoring me?" the questions he asked you made you angry and feel helpless. You looked at his name tag first - a blue O. Looking at it, you felt like he betrayed you in the worst possible way. But then you looked at his face, his eyes. His dilated pupils almost covered his unique, for an Asian, blue irises.
It was too much.
"Are you kidding me?" You said it quietly at first, far too quietly for Su-bong to hear. "Are you fucking kidding me?!" You pushed him away, your chest moving at a rapid pace. "You're high." It wasn't a question. "You're fucking high, having the time of your life when people around you.. When WE almost died and you're asking me if I'm okay?!"
His jaw clenched. You watched as he swallowed the unspoken words, a lump growing in his throat. He always acted like this when he was high. He couldn't get a word out when you first screamed at him not to take.. To be clean. But he never listened. Never. And you knew he wouldn't listen this time either. That your words will only echo empty, one he wouldn't remember when he sobered up.
That's why you didn't continue.
Barely holding back tears, you shook your head. You turned around and walked away, leaving him in the middle of the hall. You sat down on your bed with a loud sigh. You felt helpless against everything - the world, life, your boyfriend.. And your love. You thought Su-bong would press X with you. That he would follow in your footsteps just this once, when you were playing for your life together, and not for money.. Not anymore.
But he didn't go.
You weren't even disappointed, because he hadn't done it in a long time. Su-bong had disappeared somewhere, along with his stupid jokes, songs written just for you. It's funny that you only noticed it now.
Damn blue O.
・・・・★・・・・★ ・・・・
The morning was really hard. If you could, you would stay under that thin blanket all day. But you couldn't, and you knew it.
Players, another game will start soon. Get ready and remember to follow the rules.
“I wonder what's in store for us today.” a foreign girl crouched next to your bed - a 380 player with a blue O on her right chest. She looked in front of her for a moment before turning her head toward you and bestowing a small, but really sincere smile. “I hope there won't be that big doll. Disgusting, it will haunt me every night.”
For the first time in a long time, you laughed. “Yeah, me too.”
“You are with player 230, right?” She asked “Sorry, I don't want to be nosy but…I saw your argument yesterday…. And, he's really an asshole.”
Your smile disappeared as quickly as it appeared. You started searching with your eyes for purple hair. He was sitting on his bed with player 124. “He quickly found a friend,” a lump appeared in your throat, but you ignored it. “Yes, we… We have been dating for a long time. We live together but…. You know, debts came up. Senseless investment in crypto, loans, loss of work…. You know.”
“You agreed to invest in crypto? You seem more reasonable than him.” was curious, which you couldn't blame her for.
“Yes.” the lie was heavy ”We let ourselves be made like children.”
“I see.” The 380 player only nodded, looking ahead again.
“But you're right, he's an asshole.” You added quickly, at which she laughed quietly..
“You know, if you want we can stick together.” She looked at you again. You saw the warmth in her eyes and the will to survive that you lacked. “Me, you, and player 125 - we'll make a nice team.”
For a while you steamed at her without any response. The thought of the team filled you with some form of hope. But what about Su-bong? You couldn't leave him alone, you weren't a horrible heartless girl thinking only of herself. “I…” you looked at Thanos once again. You were angry, so terribly angry at his behavior. But something inside you told you that he could handle it and, despite everything, he would be beside you. “Gladly.”
“Great!” she got up from the floor and extended her hand toward you, ”I am Se-mi.”
・・・・★・・・・★ ・・・・
Going through the pastel corridors again was much worse than the first time. Guards stood in every possible place, guarding you with guns in their hands. It's funny how false a sense of security they tried to give you at the very beginning.
You entered a huge square, similar to a classroom for kindergarten children. Two large rainbow circles were painted on the ground. Everything about the messy place was candy, looking seemingly safe. But wasn't that exactly how you were supposed to feel? Safe?
Players, you have ten minutes to assemble a team of five.
The announcement was loud, too loud for you. You immediately looked at Se-mi and Min-su with whom you formed a team of three. You started looking around for potential companions. Unfortunately, people matched up in teams really fast leaving you with fewer and fewer options.
“Damn, I didn't find anyone,” you groaned disappointedly. Time was slowly running out.
“I didn't manage to find anyone either,” Min-su also said, still looking around.
Se-mi opened her mouth, but before she could say anything a familiar voice interrupted her, causing all three of you to look toward its owner. “Señorita, excuse me.” Thanos' smile widened as your gazes met, “I noticed that you were looking for two players. Here we are, Thanos will grace your team with his presence.” he couldn't be serious..
You rolled your eyes amused when 380 commented on his artistic nickname. When Su-bong greeted Min-su then approached you. The warmth of his body eminated enough to send a shiver through your body.
“Still angry?” he asked, cautiously nudging your hand with his finger as if he feared your repulsion.
“Still high?” you answered with a question to a question, but did not move away.
Thanos laughed while shaking his head. His hand grasped yours and lifted it to place a gentle kiss on your skin. “Don't be angry, this is the last game.” you didn't know , whether to believe him. “After it, I'll vote for X, you'll see. We will return to our home. Safe and sound with our money.”
The time to find a team was over, and all the teams were sitting in the middle of two rainbow circles. The game you would play was titled Six-Legged Pentathlon, during which you would play five, smaller games - ddakji, biseokchigi, gonggi, paengi chigi, and jegi. You started to determine who would play what - you chose ddakji. You were really good at it, considering that you won over the recruiter almost immediately. Se-mi chose biseokchigi, claiming that in childhood she had won against every kid in the yard. The boys divided among the other three games, each choosing what they felt most comfortable with. They were, after all, games from your childhood, nothing new so theoretically winning was really easy.
The game had begun. You all sat close together. Thanos' hand was on your knee as you watched with precision as the guards pinned the legs of the first two teams. They had five minutes to pass each competition and reach the finish line. That complicated things. Five minutes is really not a lot of time, considering the possible failures with each game.
You swallowed saliva, squeezing Thanos' hand. Fear set in your body again. “I can't handle it, I can't do it.”
“If you talk like that, we'll definitely lose.” Nam-gyu looked at you, and more at the red X on your chest. You saw something along the lines of contempt in his gaze, and you didn't know why. After all, you had never spoken to him before. “Get it together.”
"Nam-su-"
“I'm Nam-gyu.”
“After all, I did say that.” Su-bong clenched his jaw. His hand squeezed your knee. “Change your tone when you speak to her. Is that clear? Because I don't like to repeat myself.”
Player 124 only muttered something under his breath, turning his head away. “Sure, bro.”
・・・・★・・・・★ ・・・・
The paper square seemed extremely heavy when you held it. Your ankle was pinned to Thanos' ankle. The black material was fastened far too tightly, bruising you with every step. You took a breath and threw at the pink square - it didn't fall over You bent over picking up the blue square and threw again - this time it hit next to it. Your breathing sped up, you heard Nam-gyu's nervous voice and Se-mi's disappointed groan. Your hands began to tremble.
“Hey hey hey.” Su-bong leaned over and handed you a paper square, “Relax. You can do it. . Take a deep breath and throw it again.” His tattooed hand stroked the top of your head.
You nodded and closed your eyes. Time seemed to stop as you took air into your lungs. Your heart slowed down and when you were ready, you opened your eyes, throwing the paper square once more.
You've succeeded.
Joyful cheers spread through the room and your team moved on. Se-mi handled the biseokchigi effortlessly, as did Min-su in the gonggi. At the spinning top there was a problem, but Nam-gyu turned it around on his second attempt. You were at the very end, Thanos' game remained. By the high he was on, he seemed not to notice the time pressure when the last 40 seconds. But he bounced the damn ball five times. Crossing the finish line was like having a weight lifted off your back. Your legs were splayed and you immediately hugged Thanos standing next to you.
“Thank you.” You groaned inhaling his scent.
He just picked you up and turned you around, hugging you as if he had completely forgotten how soft and comfortable your body is. “It's all right now señorita, we're going home.”
taglist: @ttokyocat @itsvaleriegarza @jdbxws @hyunjinieandlix @chrisstyle @the-iridescent-phoenix
#thanos squid game#squid game thanos x reader#player 230 x reader#player 230#squid game x y/n#squid game#choi subong#choi su bong#choi su bong x reader#x reader#thanos x reader#squid game thanos#thanos#se mi squid game#nam gyu#min su squid game
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Silly me - Clark Kent
"Your name?" The receptionist’ voice pulled you out of the shock you felt being at the infamous Daily Planet. You managed to say your name but it came out a bit shaky and he let out a soft chuckle. "You'll fit in great." The space you'd be working in was small like you expected but seeing the surrounding work spaces was a bit intimidating. It was easy to get distracted picking up pieces of the stories they chatted about but the dizziness that came with it was enough to remind you to focus. Where would you start, how was it that people found stories again?
“First day?” Looking up from your desk, you met a pair of enchanting blue eyes on a beautiful face. The smile he wore didn’t make it any easier to turn away. Your face was hot from the lack of preparedness, hopefully, he didn’t think you were forming a crush, it’d be embarrassing, he’d be right but you wouldn’t admit it.
“Is it obvious?” You thought you were playing it off well given that you managed to type out an exaggerated amount of the food article with little effort. “What am I doing wrong?” Surely an employee wouldn’t interrupt your work for nothing, or so you thought.
“Nothing, you seem to have it handled.” He eyed the screen with your nearly complete work. “I’m still cramming in yesterday's story.” His laugh was going to be in your mind later. Although it was short it managed to sound so wholesome and warming in the small time it had. “It’s just, I've never seen you around before.” His arm was resting on the computer monitor, if he was anyone else it would’ve irked you but he had good intentions so you’d ignore it for now.
“I started today, used to work at a different company in Oklahoma.“
“How was it there?” You considered offering him a chair to sit in since it felt as if he planned on hearing your life story.
“Given that it was my first job in journalism it’ll always have a special place in my heart, but I wanted to be somewhere more interesting.”
“You didn’t catch any stories?”
“Nothing worth mentioning, I did an article on food and the impacts of-” Nothing worth mentioning but I’ll list every one. You put a hand to your forehead as you cursed yourself for not catching the prattling sooner.
“Why’d you stop?” He took a glance around the office and stared back at you. “Something wrong?”
“No,” you sighed and went back to typing out your work. “I just have to finish this.”
“I’ll be out your hair then. It was nice meeting you… I didn’t catch your name.”
“I didn’t get yours either.”
“Clark. Clark Kent.” You stopped your typing and locked eyes with him once again.
“Y/n.”
“Well, y/n, I’ll catch you later.”
The strange thing for you is that usually when people tell you that, they never meant it. It was more like an, I’ll see you should we meet again kinda ordeal, not a follow you out of the office kinda thing.
“What is it, Clark?” You turned to see him not too far behind. His suit seemed a tad too big for him but it added a soft look to him.
“Just checking in on you. How’d you feel about the job? It’s not too much is it?”
“You aren’t from here either, are you?” He tilted his head and his lips parted but nothing came out. “You’re nicer than plenty of the people I’ve met so far. Some of them get irritated from my smile alone.” That’s why you learned to hold a poker face, the city lost its charm rather quickly when you arrived. His shoulders dropped and his lips had its default curve that made him sweet on the eyes.
“I used to live out in the country too, but as much as they tried, they could never break my smile.” Oh, you had to admit by now that he was hard to hate, not that you ever did. His spirit was almost contagious, the smile on your face showing he already infected you, maybe a harmless work crush wouldn’t be bad after all.
“Ready to go?” The both of you turned to the woman who needed no introduction, her work spoke for itself, she was a bit of a celebrity herself. You were shocked to see him kiss her with no hesitation and looked away from the affection. It was clear he had no qualms with showing his love.
“See you, tomorrow.” Fuck my life. When you buckled yourself into the seat and began to drive away, you couldn’t help laughing at how naïve you were to think he wouldn’t be in a relationship.
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been doing some soft dog massage on sigurd lately to help keep him supple (he has a vet appointment about his lameness tomorrow morning), but i just rubbed the gnarliest knot out i've ever felt on his shoulder. poor bud.
#dogblr#sigurd#he was very relaxed#the hard thing with this current limp is that he was recovering well after the first week#and then he kinda just took a downward swing with his lameness#yesterday and today were as bad as the first day#but of course he's not more subdued if anything he's being just a stupid with his body which is frustrating#like NO. you cannot play with zombie or pull like an asshole on our calm walk#NO you should not be jumping off the bed and doing zoomies.#hes by far the most expensive of my three he has had so many random little (now recovered) injuries from not being aware of his body#this is what happens when you are HUGE but graceful and also a bit of a DUDE. no self preservation#injuries like this one where its not immediately apparent what the issue with scare the crap outta me
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Oh.
#according to facebook memories (why do i even have that still??) 12 years ago today i saw Linkin Park for the first time 🥺#in a few days it'll be 10 years since the last time i saw them#and. hm. there's a lot that surfaced this days since clancy dropped and i'm a bit more emotional / sensitive than usual#and this is. well. making me extremely sad.#12 years ago. i remember as if it was yesterday. i cling to that day so much and i'm scared of forgetting about it#i wonder how 14 yo me would've reacted if she knew.#they were my first gig ever! i remember the 2nd song was given up and the people around us started moshing pretty hard.#so much that my shoe came off and my dad had to shield me while i crawled and looked for it hahaha#it was so fun! i didn't really know that was a thing#that day was the first time they played Lies Greed Misery - it had been released just the day before#my videos are SO blurry but i still have them all saved 🥹#idk i've been in some typa mood these past days. not necessarily bad at all but.#me and a couple friends had a very important conversation 2 nights ago which was GOOD but. the bad thing about letting everything bottle up#is that once you spill it's hard to deal with. and yeah this is. idk. i'm just venting here like. ignore me.#it's just really hard for me. i miss him terribly and i'm really scared for myself because i *know* i'm back in the loop#and it feels so hopeless sometimes. maybe this is super silly but i'm so thankful that Clancy came out now because OH BOY i need it#maybe it's not the best strategy to put so much faith? importance? in like. music and other people but#man. i genuinely don't know if i'd be here if not for certain songs/artists etc#idk I'm rambling lol. i might delete this later#probably. maybe. i try not to talk too much about this here because i tend to deal alone but. sometimes it's nice to send things to the void#anyways. support your favs. talk to your friends - even if you much rather not. don't be like me and let things rot inside.#🤍#darya talks to herself
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I did inventory at work (walking between like 3 rooms, takes maybe 20 minutes) and I swear to God I was on the verge of passing out. Today is going great.
#mind you ive never passed out so thats probably an exaggeration#one hour in#youd get better faster if you stoppped pushing yourself and just rested!#yes... but i don't want to use all my sick time for the year in the first week#and i dont want to stay home and not work and Oh no youre fine you were over exaggerating how bad you were#i did work from home yesterday#and had about 2 hours of productivity in the morning#today i went into work because some of my job has in person needs like inventory#we have an hour long walking meeting at 11 and half of me is dreading it#and half of me is like. Go. pass out. earn the sympathy points and be told to take a half day#i have a mask on and work in an isolated office btw
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FINALLY GOT MY HANDS ON THOSE DANG CDS
OHOHOHOHOOHOHOHOOOHOHO IT'S AO OVER FOR Y'ALL
You have no idea how long I've tried to get my hands on these guys
#teencore#mcr#gerard way#my chemical romance#cds#cd collecting#I think I've been trying since beginning of this year#I found them during a bad breakup and they've helped me cope so much and they also kinda sparked my passion for cds#wished they'd be my first ones but they just never were in stock#made a reservation and got a call yesterday and ofc I had to go today to get them huehuehue#I broke one of the cases (?) though which sucks#sorry three cheers#but yeah I'm so happy I finally have them#missing danger days bc the price is up so the store owner told me to wait until it goes back down again#but I now have three cheers and the black parade#and a live album#waiting to get the other#it's cd mania huehue
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Snow is canceled forever and ever bc it's so so scary to drive in. I don't want to drive in snow ever again. It was not even an inch though. But it was still SoScary. Unfortunately I am a Hoosier, so snow driving is inevitable.
#speculation nation#me just barely starting to get comfortable with driving my beautiful Tesci then WHAM#just 2 days after buying her im hit with Snow Driving (for the first time in my life!!!!)#i went to walmart after my failed appointment to buy some shit for my car. bc i went Oh Fuck sitting in there with snow on my windshield#bc i bought this car Two Days Ago so i didnt have a fucking scraper or brush yet 😭😭😭😭#i changed that tho. also bought a winter emergency kit. complete with jumper cables flashlight and blanket. plus some other stuff#oh SHOVEL. apparently. idk how they fit it in there. i just kinda left it in my car lol i did not care to open it yet.#i also got some air freshener stuff for my car. bc it has a bit of a scent to it.#used to belong to a smoker i guess. tho it's not too bad + i actually kinda like lingering smoke smell#But Also i wanna have my car with a scent i chose. so i bought... Leather Scent (???) air freshener#'hearth. pepper. and bourbon' idk how thats Leather but it smells good. so i got it.#ALSO bought some gloves im gonna keep in my car as driving gloves. theyre kinda sleek.#and ummmmm i bought some christmas lights. ill hang them up Somewhere. no energy for that rn but they were cheap and i love string lights#so i got them anyways. i'll come up with smth to do with them eventually.#i also bought a few food things. as a way to cheer myself up. ate some cream puffs after dinner today... mmmm#and it felt rly nice to leave the store and load up a car and not have to haul all of that back by hand.#even if i was also Very Scared of going back out in the snow hfmshfmsbd#it's supposed to be a bit warmer today than it was yesterday tho (by today i mean tuesday. bc it is in that realm now)#but ahhh. i might have a presentation today. i need to rest up so i can get ready for that.#sleepy time for me time. yes
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Getting that laundry done! (<- is severely out of breath and faer heart is beating out of its chest)
#fae irl#my partner carried the basket down the stairs for me but i am still winded just from going up those stairs lolol#we are on the third floor and the laundry room is on the first and we have the thinnest shittiest little stairways 😔#and also because of my three hours of manic cleaning and organizing yesterday my right calf had been sore and threatening to charlie on me#like all day today#oops#at least things are clean and organized tho!!!#and soon my laundry will be as well 😌#now heres to hoping my blind ass doesnt manage to wipe out on those shitty stairs breaking through the worlds crappiest railing#man. really wish we were on the first floor.#i hate hate hate these stairs#i am literally legally blind man and these stairs suck so so so bad 😭#dunno how i managed not to wipe out on them back during my two weeks of feverish laundry washing last year
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Depression is literally so embarrassing because it forces you to have confrontations like "so you know that thing that's normally no problem at all for me? Well it's genuinely upsetting me" and then have to have a whole Discussion where you have to be like "no I know it usually doesn't bother me and is very normal but I'm ✨️fragile✨️ right now because of the horrors and situations" and feel uncomfy and vulnerable and stupid about it
#and then have to deal with them treating you gentler which feels uncomfy because of the horrors even though it's what you wanted#in conclusion: bad!#it's worth it being vulnerable etc etc etc but it feels so embarrassing every time#em rambles#personal#depression#I've just been really isolated lately in addition to situations and it's making me more sensitive to social stuff you know? ugh#like how do I say hey when I'm depressed it means a lot to me when you like validate what little I am doing and like#engage and ask follow up questions when I talk about my interests instead of changing the subject or making it about your own interest#because it makes me feel like what I care about doesn't matter to anyone#which is hard to say as a severally adhd girlie because who am I to say please don't change the subject but I'm sorry I'm struggling ok!!#things Are going OK socially I saw my friends for the first time in awhile yesterday and today and I'm having a 1 on 1 hangout with a#friend who's moving a couple hours away soon this Tuesday so!! very good things!! I'm just struggling day to day feeling like I'm invisible#a lot of the time until someone wants something from me 😕#or is getting something from me like ME listening to THEM but when I wanna talk about something its like 'uhhuh that's cool. *changes#subject*' you know?#I know work school and social lives is what most people talk about and other stuff (fictional media etc.) isn't as important to people#but when you're an unemployed not in school disabled girlie that's literally all I have most of the time. and I wish people were more#understanding of that you know?#please just indulge me. gosh
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I hate being sick. I’m always convinced I’m faking it or that it’s not as bad as I think it is but I’m blowing it out of proportion for attention or to get out of something
#meows#I’ve had pretty bad vertigo the past 3 days#I made myself stay the first day (bad idea)#stayed home from work yesterday and now today#but ofc that little voice in my head is like#hmmm but what if you’re not as bad off as you were yesterday#and are just faking it 🤔#meanwhile if I rotate my head ‘too fast’#I get a wave of dizziness and nausea#but maybe I’m faking it. who knows#fun. fun stuff
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getting a tooth extraction is so weird. what a weird experience i’ve been having the past eight days
#getting it taken out (awake) was WILD and lowkey traumatic but not ??? very weird idk#then the first like. four days were so ridiculous like the pain level wasn’t bad it just was SO constant i was like ALRIGHT ALREADY!!!!!!!#and five and six were very mild and chill#and then yesterday and today is like nice bc not much need for ibuprofen and also i can eat more things than before but it’s still healing#i can’t wait for it to close up i’m tired of being paranoid about it😅😅😅😅#it kinda hurts rn but it’s bc i had to rinse it and that’s what keeps happening anytime i rinse it. but the pain stops rather quickly#i can’t wait for NO PAIN it’ll be so nice#anyways i took ibuprofen bc i have a headache but it’ll be ncie bc it’ll get it to stop being annoying faster too#also in case ur wondering it was my left farthest back molar ! it had been broken for a couple years now and then i fucked up real bad when#i was eating one night and i was in severe pain for days and now it’s all gone about a month later! i’m so glad🥰
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used reverse psychology this morning with my posts and it worked. today actually turned out okay and i even got an early mark. thankyou i love you
#the THING is. last weekend the dishwasher died#and all sunday we had to use a dishwasher in an entire other building#and it was chaos and a mess becos u had to go up and down stairs to access it#and it was just. bad. we had staff in tears we had staff almost passing out its hot its australia etc#so theyve been ''fixing'' the dishwasher all week#and fixed it enough to work kind of#and then it was apparently completely fixed on friday afternoon#so i gets into work yesterday (saturday) morning and put the first tray through#and its all good and fine. but then the second tray? the dishwasher wouldnt turn on#and then it just went down hill the rest of the day#until we were once again using the dishwasher in the other building#so today. when i knew we were gonna be 4 staff down and the weather was meant to be amazing?#prepared for the worst. BUT! it actually was okay!#the dishwasher cooperated mostly and we weren't hectic and it was a good pace and we had a good team!!!!#m#text
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reaching the point in a depression spiral where my thought process shifts from "i gotta push through and go to work even though i dont feel like leaving my bed because i need to keep my job" to "my mental health is important and if i feel like i need a break i should take a break" and then i take a bunch of time off work and nearly lose my job but keep telling myself that i just need a longer break and then ill bounce back
#idk this weekend was really busy for me and i didnt really have time to recover from the work week as much as i usually do#and my mental health has been slipping since like november so i think this was just the last straw#anyway i got halfway through my work day yesterday and then took vacation time#then when i woke up this morning i was like halfway through getting ready for work and realized i couldnt do it#i dont have pto to cover today so im either gonna have to pick up a shift friday or set up a dr appointment so i can get fmla again#but setting up appointments is one of the first things to become overwhelming when my mental health gets bad#so ive been meaning to set up an appointment for months now and havent gotten around to it#ugh i knew things were getting rough again but i was really hoping it was just because of winter#but if that was the case id be bouncing back by now and im definitely not#i think the worst part of depression for me is that when you need help the most is when its the hardest to reach out
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and with that i do believe that my run with interstellar in imax has come to an end.
#check out the stats: 4 shows in 7 days. two shows within less than 24 hours of each other#one show that made me drive three hours through the city I hate to get to the imax#tbf I didn’t know that it was coming to my town because the original weekend it was not here#so I had to make the drive. then! I found out my local imax was going to show it so I went three more times lol#truthfully I feel good about it. I could go again tomorrow night at 10pm but I think while I was watching it today#idk something just came over me and I thought ya know what? this is it. this is my last time seeing it in imax#I came to peace with it and im okay with it. it was beautiful to witness. it really helped when i had contacts in instead of glasses#I think we worked through a lot of feelings while watching these four shows. I think we learned a lot about myself too#definitely found some answers we were looking for. definitely opened up some other wounds too but that’s okay#I got to enjoy movies again and really be immersed in cinema so that was a great experience#plus all of this with a movie I already loved so now! it’s boosted my life exponentially#idk how to make an interstellar url which is why we went with rust but like. dammit I owe you my life interstellar#god what a beautiful film. I’ve seen so many bad takes about it too and it’s not like im blinded by my love for it#that I think the takes are bad. no it’s genuinely shit like ‘oh what do you mean they couldn’t figure out how to grow more than just corn?’#like homie you obviously were not paying attention! the earth is dying! (real) and corn is quite literally the only thing left!!!#they have to leave if humanity is going to survive!!!!#anyway. like I said. beautiful film really enjoyed this past week of getting to see AND experience it.#watching it on blu ray now will never be the same#thank you everyone who followed along on this journey and thank you mr McConaughey for giving me your accent for the week#okay last two things: a) im gonna go back and tag all my stuff so I can look back on this time with joy and whimsy#second: here’s my definitive ranking of my viewings of the movie:#first had to be the first time i saw it. nothing is topping that absolutely nothing. experiencing that for the first time and road tripping?#like come on that’s dedication to the art right there. second would be today. feeling at peace knowing it was going to be my last show#and really getting to soak it all in. absolutely. plus I had contacts in so I could see everything lol.#third was yesterday bc yeah I finally got to see everything (again. finally had contacts in) but the audience did make it a little tough#usually im game for a big movie with an audience but there were too many distractions really pulling me out of the experience#last was probably Friday. even though I was jazzed to see it again bc that was the first show in my town there was a kid vaping two seats#away from me and that gave me a headache. plus I had glasses on so again. can’t see part of it bc the frames of said glasses.#thank you to everyone who followed along on this journey! apparently there is a 30 tag limit so last tag:#shelby watches interstellar
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#this is gonna be pretty serious but I need to get it out bc I keep thinking about it and can't sleep#I could just write a note or something but idk I don't wanna do that and I don't wanna bother my friends at this hour either#so here goes.#my grandma passed away yesterday. it wasn't a surprise since she'd been slowly getting worse and worse#honestly I'm relieved she doesn't have to be in pain anymore#I wouldn't even be feeling so horrible about it all if it wasn't for the fact that she died of covid#and in horrible pain#so I'm just so fucking enraged about it all#she was in a nursing unit. but nurses weren't masking even though the place was meant for old people with poor health#ALL OF THIS could've been avoided if the nurses wore masks at work. or at least this happening would've been so much less likely#at first I was just sad. a little mad that it was covid but at least she could finally pass on#but then my mom called me today. she'd visited the day before and she told me how much pain my grandma had been in#like she hadn't even been able to talk anymore. she'd been convulsing in pain and whimpering. she'd barely even understood my mom was there#and she managed to reply to her telling she was there. maybe. my mom wasn't sure if she'd heard right#and I just can't get it out of my mind. the way she died#her hearing and eyesight were really bad by this point and I don't know if her mind was really all that present either.#she had her good and bad days on that front#so she was just in horrible pain. not being able to see or hear much at all. maybe not even fully understanding where she was#for hours in the middle of the night with no way to get better. no nurses to really help her#until she finally died#like hell she wasn't even able to open her eyes when my mom visited!! that's how much she was hurting!!#and I know she didn't have long left. I know she would've died soon anyway. from something else#but the fact that it was so painful and EASILY PREVENTABLE just makes me so fucking mad#she could've died so much more peacefully if the staff there just wore a goddamn mask#I'm just so unimaginably angry right now#I got shit to do tomorrow but idk if I'll be able to sleeo tonight with all this stuff in my head. I hope writing this helped#anyway sorry to be vulnerable on main I guess. gn#vent
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