#yes yes i know tumblr and twitter are barely comparable

[ganondoodle]

i really dont know how to write an utterly harmless opinion, ultimately irrelevant complaint or comment on an observation without someone getting pissy at me for it

[lemotmo]

Hello hello!

I was just curious if you knew if something happened this morning that I missed?

Everything was fine when I went to bed last night and then I woke up today and it seems like there’s so many people on tumblr and Twitter suddenly panicking that Tim is changing his mind and going to develop bt and keep him around and that people love bt more then buddie?

Like what did I miss 😅

Hey Nonny! :)

Ah yes, you got thrown into the frenzy! Well, first of all I want to reassure you nothing terrible happened. So don't worry.

The official 911 instagram account posted the BT kiss scene again in honour of Pride Month, which I was expecting since they made a beautiful Henren edit and they can't very well leave out the newly minted bisexual Buck. An in all honesty? He deserves this post. This is about Buck's journey and it's okay to wish him the happiest of Prides.

Anyway, that Instagram post got quite a bit of interaction from the BT fans, mind you... the interaction is actually minimal if you compare it to the interaction past Buddie posts have received.

I have also seen a lot of Buddie fans' reaction on this post and those reactions always get a lot of likes of like-minded Buddie fans. So our voice is still being heard on this BT post.

But of course some people have decided to panic over this. As is per usual in fandom spaces. People tend to panic quickly.

If we look at the facts though:

That scene they posted? It was unedited. So they left in aaaaall the many Eddie references. They could have easily removed those, but they kept them. They even kept the 'My attention?'. LOL!

The Henren edit they made last week was beautiful. They used different scenes and edited it together. The BT one is just that one scene with a very generic caption that has nothing to do with Tommy or BT.

Buddie has never shared so many scenes as in season 7. Compare that to BT who barely had any scenes together.

The many many many interviews about Buddie and bi Buck (With almost no mention of Tommy. The focus is always on Buck and Buck alone.). The interviews that Ryan has been giving out lately, with references to 'the Buck and Eddie thing', Eddie finding himself for the first time and him referring to his potential future partner in gender neutral terms.

Oliver never speaks about Tommy or BT. He only mentions them when he's talking about Tommy being a friend for him to guide him into his bisexuality. He never engages with the fandom either. Remember he once stopped engaging with the Buddie fandom because he didn't want to queerbait people and lead them on. Then he started spewing Buddie again right before season 7 and he hasn't stopped since. In fact, Ryan has joined him. Now he is doing the same thing when it comes to BT. He doesn't want to lead people on, because he knows that Tommy isn't sticking around.

I could go on with many more points, but I feel like I'm going off on a tangent and most of the things on this list are things I've talked about before in my previous posts about this subject.

In short: No matter how you look at it, all roads lead to Buddie. I know that people will always be sceptical. I mean, there is a part of me that will always have some doubt. I can't shut if off, because I have been burned before with ships in the past. But this time we are so close and everything is pointing in the same direction.

I feel like the stars are finally all aligned this time to give us queer Eddie and Buddie in season 8.

[your-fave-jewish-magical-girl]

LONG RANT: You can't fix Yandere Simulator. Let it die

Yeah there's no beating around the bush here. Everyone know what happened. Alex is a groomer. If this is your first time hearing about this, look Yandere Dev up for two minutes and you'll be up to date.

And yaddada I am feeling a lot of emotions, mostly anger and a shred of disappointment watching the thinnest sliver of hope I had for this game die. I'm guessing about 20k of you feel something similar, that or you're enjoying watching the shitshow unravel.

I guess if you've been on this subreddit, or twitter, or tumblr, you probably know what my title is referring to. For almost ten years now, Yandere Dev would get into a controversy and the fucked up aspects of his game are exposed and fanartists and writers and devs take it as an opportunity to 'fix' Yandere simulator. The most notable example I can think of is Love Letter from 2020 I think. It's a good idea in theory, literally separating the art from the artist by recreating his concept without the problematic stuff. There was a time when I agreed with this idea and even wanted to do something similar on my own.

But now with Alex's practically confirmed abuse, this concept I guess is leaving a bitter taste in my mouth, It has for a long time, but now I think It's time to address the concept of 'fixing' Yandere Simulator.

For starters, I believe it has gotten to the point where you can't separate the art from the artist with Yandere Simulator. Not after this. And I don't wanna get into an hour long discussion about how that works, but Yandere Simulator is different because the source material was never good in the first place. It was something people were *following in hopes of getting good*. So when fixing the game, the question isn't really what you should repair, (assuming you are up to date on Yandere Dev's controversies) but what you should even bother keeping. It's like trying to redesign a building accidentally built to make sure tall people can't get in. Yeah you can redesign the doors and the rooms, but when does it get to the point where you have to throw out the building and start from scratch. That's the problem with Yandere Simulator. It's not one or two flaws. It's basically the entire concept. It's this murder borderline porn game centered around Yandere Dev's barely disguised fetishes about an inaccurately portrayed underaged person with some mental illness killing other schoolchildren (and pedos, accidentally based Ayano???) for a mediocre audience self-insert where you have to take panty shots to get information and all the people your killing are offbrand anime characters and everyone's name is bad Japanese and, well you're in this subreddit, you know all the problems with Yandere Simulator. Putting heart clips in Ayano's hair or making Taro hot or Amai chubby or give Osana freckles and make the teachers minors or making any of the character different races blah blah blah, that doesn't actually change anything systemically wrong with the game, story, and concept. It's putting frosting on a moldy boot

(btw, I'm not actually against the Yandere Archetype. You can write problematic stuff so long as you give it respect. But this is part of a bigger issue.)

So You could remove all of that, but at what point are you just, making other piece of Yandere Simulator that has loose inspirational ties. Not that there is anything wrong with that--It's actually a good idea--but you can't reasonably say that you've 'fixed' Yandere Simulator after throwing out 70% of it. Yes, it may be true, but It's not good writing criticism when you're erasing the core of what make Yandere Simulator Yandere Simulator. Yandere Simulator is an anime fetish amalgamation made up of what Alex likes taking place in a pseudo-dating sim world gone wrong where sexy murder stuff happens. Once you start to remove that, you're removing its (admittedly cringe) soul. Not to mention, comparing some of the content in the game to his abuse, it gives the game itself a bitter taste. Is this something that you really want to reform? Is this something that *should* be reformed?

It's always "When will someone finally recreate Yandere Simulator" and not "Why should anyone recreate Yandere Simulator."

Additionally, whether you like it or not, when you keep posting fanart and rewrites and advertising your fangame as 'inspired' by Yandere Dev. You are giving him attention and free advertising. Even if you put 'Yandere Dev fans DNI' in your bio. I promise that all this time you are trying to spend 'fixing' this horrible game made by an abuser, you could be spending so much of that time making fanart for actual indie projects who deserve your attention who could use that exposure to grow or maintain a community.

And getting to the elephant in the room when it comes to people 'fixing' Yandere Simulator. It's no secret that Yandere simulator fangames fail. Paper Will made a good video on this but oh boy do they fail hard. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRLCsWhiNTc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRLCsWhiNTc). But I don't think It's a curse problem--even though that theory is funny. Talking about why they fail outside a game perspective (young inexperience devs, reliant on volunteers, biting off more than they can chew, unrealistic expectations, drama etc.) Devoting years of your life to something you hate isn't sustainable. And most of these games DON'T last years, they last months. Because spite is a spice, it's awesome, hot, everyone loves it. But you can't serve a meal with spice alone. Making as something as difficult as a game out of spite is an absolute loaded task that requires the stamina of a God to achieve. And if you're thinking about doing this as an after school hobby. You're gonna get burned out fast. I don't have any data on this, but even though I don't do coding. Creating a project out of hate is so exhausting, because It just doesn't work as that good of a motivator down the line. Just investing all this time, resources and energy into constant hate, and to prove what? That you're better than possibly one of the worst indie game devs of the century? Who do you need to prove it to?

The heart of all art is love, love for something. Even satire and art made to criticize has love for something, even if it's just itself and the joke It's trying to tell or for the message It's trying to send. And spite isn't the worst motivator as long as it's not the *only* motivator. And that's really what these "Fan" (word used incredibly loosely) games fail at their most basic mechanics. It's not actually made for love for the source material, but to one up it and make a point, and the entire concept collapses in on itself.

And to finally addess why I made this post. Responding to Alex's grooming by posting about how you can 'fix' the story of his game and redesigning/claiming characters and stuff is downright insulting and inappropriate. Not every Yandere Simulator fixer does this so I'm not trying to lump everyone together. There was a time when Yandere Dev would do something embarrassing or whatever and posting about how his ideas could be fixed was insightful, but as a response to this situation, It's just bad. People are hurt, and making this about you and how you can redeisgn or rework the game is clout chasey and tone death. Please don't use grooming to one-up Yandere Dev for whatever reason. Nobody wants that. Not the victims, not the former staff and volunteers. Nobody. Just keep it to yourself.

I honestly am just tired. I hope anything I just said is even somewhat comprehensible. But if you as someone who thinks they can fix yandere simulator takes away anything from this, It's to just make your own original stuff. Enough with the fangames and redesigns towards a person who does not deserve even a spec of your effort. Stop giving this guy more publicity and trying to revive this dead horse that is Yandere Simulator. If you still like aspects of the game I beg you to just make your own yandere themed piece of media, webcomic, book, game whatever separate from yandere simulator. Post your ORIGINAL characters that are yours and not reskinned versions of whatever Alex made. And let's just let this goddamn game from by a groomer die. Don't try to fix it, don't touch it. Just give it the sad death it deserves.

Please.

Fuck.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

I find myself questioning why I'm still bothered and how I let it get to me the lack of nuance in fandom discourse. Especially with K-Pop and everything I've witnessed in the last 3 years. The bigger the fandom, the less chances for it to be cohesive and attract a specific demographic able to participate in a certain high level of discourse.

I remember a few years back I was lurking in the Black Sails community here on tumblr. I was usually someone who would read the weekly reviews to tv episodes and that would be enough. In the case of that series, it didn't feel enough because to me, the reviewers were missing or ignoring the complexity of that show. And to my surprise (although it shouldn't), the fandom on tumblr was one of the best I had the chance to observe. There was dedication, yes, but more than that, smart people were writing these amazing essays and analysis worth of getting published in established journals. Well beyond a simple review. They were media literate, which is something that gets lost more and more as time passes.

Of course I don't expect that same thing in a fandom like Army. They can barely be compared. Army is way, way larger. It covers a wide demographic which is good and bad simultaneously. Theoretically, there's a place for everyone, regardless of their identity/background. So in cases like that, people tend to choose their own corner, subsection depending on where they fit and their interest. Perhaps a teenager is more likely to spend time on tiktok making edits and looking at clips, without following each and every type of content out there. Because they don't have to. Fans using weverse are also their own category that exhibit a specific type of mentality. Twitter and tumblr are places that offer the platform for a more discussion-type of engagement, with twitter taking the first place.

So, we find our community and that's supposed to allow fans to live in harmony. I know, funny. It's never like that because we like to peak and invite ourselves in other spaces. And the places can easily become echo chambers. But what is interesting to note is observing what the fandom deems as an echo chamber. A solo stan account or a shipper is an echo chamber, but an account focused on the group as a whole and only their achievements and updates is not. It doesn't matter that the user feigns ignorance when confronted with weird hashtags trending because they had no idea. They curate their experience. It's perfectly valid, but the danger of creating/becoming part of echo chambers happens to all of us, regardless of our type of engagement. The longer we sit comfortably in our corner, talking to people who are of the same opinion as ours, the greater the risk.

Nevertheless, there is still this need of showing one's superiority based on the type of subsection of the fandom we are part of. Which automatically fails because it shows our ignorance and getting to what I wanted to talk about, the incapability of engaging in a nuanced discussion. Of course this is not something that we should expect from everyone. Like I said, we need to know our "audience". I won't go to the weverse/IG pages wanting to talk about Asian fetishization in kpop fandoms. It would be pointless. But we do touch on those types of topics on twitter and tumblr. Which is why I don't find it completely absurd to have expectations.

Shipping within the fandom has once again been under fire today, more than usual. And it showed, as each and every time, that there is simply no bridge, no way of finding a common language, of willingness to have that nuanced conversation without resorting to generalized statements. The result of that usually creates more harm, divides the communities even more and sweeps under the rug the normalization of a specific type of shippers who transform mentions of sexual assault into a weapon to attack and offend. As serious as this is for people who are not online 24/7 in fandoms, it has indeed become the norm for those who are part of it. So then why we ignore it? Why do we generalize it instead of addressing the exact person or community who does it regularly? Because it's the crazy part of the fandom and those who are not part of it consider themselves to be better than others. Feeling superior is the ultimate goal. In a fandom of millions, we all try to differentiate ourselves in one way or another. And that leads to our fandom identity and automatically our position towards issues within the larger community. Being for or against, wanting to engage or not, is sending a message. It's always more about us than the people or content we talk about.

I know I haven't touched on 1% of what this topic should cover, but these are just some thoughts. We can't all be the smartest and better than everyone else when we are completely fixated in some beliefs that come to exist based on how much we want to use our intelectual abilities or simply refuse to.

[xxnghtclls]

do u ever feel like all the good work here is getting recognized lesser ? because I see amazing stuff like yours and more stuff get notes and i love it so much when the authour tries to stick to the actual character and doesn't absultely deviate from the character. i feel that the ones with more deviation from the characters get more love, because capturing the character as it is so much difficult compared to change the entire thing. i read permission and honestly it feels like Sukuna. The rest i have read dont even feel like sukuna.

my point here is that i feel like true talent isnt being recognized. your work deserves so much more attention and love for writing sukuna so much like he is. not a lot of people manage to write him like that. i honestly love you and this one other user [not gonna be revealing there name because theyr'e a follower of yours too] and that's it. you write sukuna for sukuna. i love u for that. very honestly. i love ur work all art and writing included. sorry for ranting at 5 am in ur inbox but i wanted to show my appreciation. love you .

Dear anon,

thank you for your sweet message!

And yes, I do feel like that. I sometimes feel like ppl who draw or write him once in a while for funsies often get more appreciation for their work than ppl who truly appreciate him and try to learn about him and understand him and all of that.

People call me „the“ Sukuna artist, yet my art (at least on twitter) barely gets interactions that exceed 1k and then I see other art that gets so much more interactions, seemingly without much effort. Repeatedly. So it feels super weird for me and on bad days, it also makes me sad to see that my art didn‘t get the appreciation that I wished for it, despite me putting 10-20 hours into one piece. (not super healthy, I know)

Putting „my title“ aside, I do love my art and writing myself and I feel like it deserves recognition and that it should be recognised more. It might sound arrogant, but I do feel like that. But it‘s difficult when you don‘t purely draw nsfw, when you don‘t have an anime art style and/or are not able to put out art constantly because you‘re also writing a long ass fanfiction on the side… Algorithms fault too I guess.

On tumblr I do get super sweet messages really often from y‘all who write long texts about how much they love Permission or my art and it really moves me. I don‘t feel the need here to check on likes or anything much, because y‘all are super vocal and I love that. It makes me feel appreciated.

And I know I shouldn‘t pay attention to likes and all, but I would lie if I said I don‘t enjoy how ppl go nuts when they consume my art and writing? Like, of course it feels great to be cherished for something you created.

So, a message like the one you wrote means a lot to me, really! It means you didn‘t just scroll across my stuff, but you took your time with it, to look at it, to read it. That is amazing and I‘m really thankful for that.

Lots of love ❤️

[sm-baby]

Hi! Big fan of your work! And your stories!! Huge fan!! I adore your artwork and characters, love them!!

I was wondering do you have other social medias? If you want to share tho!

Also quick question!!

Is anyone taller than Zeus? Just curious 👉👈

I don't have any social medias... Not since the incident

Kiddings, I just stopped cuz it got overwhelming uwu now I'm mainly sticking to tumblr. Its more intimate here anyways compared to instagram or twitter.

AND YES ZEUS HAS SOMEONE TALLER THAN HER.

HER DAD.

Angels are quite big from what I remember! 200 ish? Zeus barely reaches his feet. Man had to shrink down for his villager form and he's still a big chunky man!

I imagine this form only ever appears in a coven head's dream though.. either this man appears as an all knowing being sitting on an equally large throne, or like-- he's a sort of Tafiti from Moana, but instead of an Island, he's perhaps the stony or quartzy remains of a sanctuary or church like structure.

fuck it, he appears differently with every coven head :3c sometimes he disguises himself as an old wise man, sometimes he's in his biblically accurate form, sometimes he's a sanctuary, sometimes-

he does this to fuck with them

" I met god. and he's an old old wise man-"

" THE HELL HE AINT- THAT MAN IS H U G E AND STATUE-LIKE."

" NAHHH FUCK YOU HE WAS-"

Dad in the background: "I broke it. it burnt my hand so I punched it-"

[onwriting-hrarby]

A goodbye from fandom.

I said this on Twitter, but I am not going to write for the eremika fandom again. Trigger warnings about harassment, pedophilia and more, to come.

Back on April, 2022, out of the blue a big account of the fandom (they had 4k followers; I had barely 150) “outed” me as what they called “a proshipper”. They were blaming writers in the fandom who wrote EM having sex underage, telling them pedophiles. I had not written anything of the sort, but they still felt entitled to label me as such because I read fics of Levi/Mikasa. I had been in fandoms for longer than they had been born, probably, so I was baffled that this was a problem: Because, at the end of the day, proshipper or not, I was reading stories of fictional characters. But if we take a moment to consider that the difference between fiction and reality doesn’t exist, it still baffled me, because I had never written anything underage, nor Rivamika: No, I was a pedophile because I was reading it.

This lack of media-literacy surprised me to the point of beginning to study more about it. I read this article by Viet Thanh Nguyen which said that books in USA libraries are getting cancelled because of “racism” or “homophobia”, books that were written decades ago. You should read the article, but it fully comprises my view that we need to create a critical mass, and we won’t create it if we ban those types of readings. But even if we do read it: does it mean that we share the same morals as the story? Does it even mean that the writer shares the same morals as the story they are writing?

After the tweet, I was being massively unfollowed on Twitter, blocked. Some mutuals even responded to that tweet, saying “Blocking her now”. I tried to argue with that person that I was not reading a fic in which Levi and Mikasa were related, nor underage: they didn’t even debated with me, they insulted me. I blocked them. I got an ask on Tumblr asking what had happened, and I explained my POV. They went to my Tumblr (somehow they found me), screenshot it and shared in their Twitter for everyone to see.

I had an anxiety attack, and for some days, I was deciding whether to end RJ at (just) chapter 2. Because I loved the story I was creating, I decided to pull through. When I came back on Twitter after a month out, nobody remembered me: it was like I had never done anything, I gained the same followers that once unfollowed me. I was… There, again. But I was not the same, in real life: I didn’t know what to share, how to share it. I was afraid of bookmarking something on AO3. Tumblr felt safer, so I went there (thank god). I didn’t know how to answer when people commented, about this fic, pearls such as I was an homophobic, a racist, Grisha was out of character and I was a devil to write Grisha that way. I didn’t find these comments like well-written debate in my inbox: I found it as tweets, without quoting me, of course. I began to wonder whether I was a good writer, until I decided that maybe it wasn’t the right audience to begin with. So, saddened, I wrapped my mind about stopping writing for the Eremika fandom (because, yes, it is the eremika fandom) after Rotten Judgement was finished.

Since then, I have been harassed in my inbox during months. First, for writing Erejeankasa. Comments and comments everyday, telling me that I’m a horrible writer, that I’m boring, that what I do is garbage. Then, spamming hate all over my fics, again, saying that I’m a pedophilic and garbage myself (to their credit, I have now written a Levi/Mikasa fic, in which they are actors and over 30, but alright). The thing is that this is not only a matter of myself.

Lots of my friends and colleagues here have been harassed constantly over what they write. The haters compare them to other well-known writers in the fandom: they advocate for the “purity” of Mikasa (but have no problem in Eren being a manwhore), for the “purity” of the fandom, for “only writing Eremika”. If you don’t, you’re just a “false fan”. They have their fights and sides, but let me tell you: probably one 1% of people will find a teenager attractive after reading a fic, but probably more than 80% of harassed people over the internet will feel bad, triggered and anxious about it.

I know this is (mostly) a Twitter thing: I know we’re prompted to have discourse, to argue our views, to fight for our canon couples or not… in fictional characters. This is the cursive I want to throw in here: that in being so “woke” and fighting for the “injustice” in your little bubble, you’re really not being better than an alt-right defending their stance with yelling and hating. In being so woke, you really act and think like a fascist. Because, in the end, there is a true anti-intellectual belief in the fandom: you are not to put your own views on things that are set. Do not make us think more than the original work. And for now, intellectualism (in Mill’s sense of reflection, and understanding of others, of putting yourself in others' shoes) is the true root of democracy. And the EM fandom is anything but democratic. It reeks of a one distinctive trait of oligarchy, said by Socrates: "one assumes the status of a highest good".

But, in my mind, doing good would not only mean asking the readers to defend their authors; it would mean stopping authors from blasting harmful or harassing opinions on other authors (sometimes, smaller authors than themselves); it would mean that they would understand that while someone can feel triggered by some views, anyone is free to express and write about whatever they want, as long as they, as humans, don’t fight for wrongness; that the moral in fiction doesn’t equal the moral in the author and vice versa. It’s not only to answer hateful tweets towards creators: it’s to pinpoint the tweets of that mutual you always see bashing on other ships or tweets out of the blue, just for fun, or because they really think they will make a change.

It is to signal that we, as a society, are being deactivated at our response in true, real-life problems, thanks to the arguments in social media. That while we can all share and spread help when something big happens, and social media gives us the means to spread awareness, throwing hate to authors who’ve written fictional stories about fictional characters and that you don’t like it doesn’t equal justice, but cyberbullying.

However, I will not be here to fight for it. Differently to the majority of the people who has not uttered a single constructive criticism to my fics, but have found the time to comment, put up bashful tweets (without mentioning me) and without reading the story, I do have a life outside the internet. I have beautiful friends, family, and writing—because I will never, ever not write—to which I want to dedicate my energy. If you care about this fandom, stop spreading hate and negativity of all kind. Remember that you can think you fight for freedom and justice, and end up being a Jaegerist.

I still have an EM oneshot I was writing, but I lost motivation to. I don’t know if I’ll ever keep on writing it, but if I do, you will most likely find it in here. As for Rotten Judgement and I did not live until today, you will still find them here. As for Instead, they said: it is hidden, as it has been for some months, because I want to turn it into an original story. Whether you’ll find it reuploaded in some months, who can’t stay. I am happy to delve into other ships and fandoms for now. Writing two years in these conditions has completely drained me. I urge you to think of all the creators whose works you cannot find anymore, whose Twitter and media got deleted, who put up letters of goodbye to the fandom, and rather than crying about this loss, I urge you to protect the writers we still have. I will keep reading the stories I enjoy, so this is not totally goodbye.

For now, relieved that I’ve finished but angry that this is how I’ve finished, always yours,

Hera.

[whats-another-song-contest]

I keep reading comments all over how disappointing the first Melfest heat was and apparently the least-watched Mello start in over a decade. There are even predictions about a possible NQ of Sweden (which I won't believe in because, well, it's Sweden and practically guaranteed around 20 televote points from Finland & Norway). According to Crystal Ball ESC on Twitter the next two heats are going to be even weaker than the first one, and there are speculations about the contest being rigged for Loreen since she got the ultimate pimp slot performing last in the last heat. What are your thoughts?

Oh, interesting question!

My feeling is that people are overreacting a bit by saying things like Sweden might have a non-qualifier before we've even heard all the entries. Another thing which I always keep in mind with esc stuff is the divide between the fans and the general public, since their tastes can differ drastically (see Latvia last year). As far as rigging the contest, I would say that's unlikely. I think that like most years we have a bunch of medicore songs and a few good ones, and because Loreen garners the most interest and likely has one of the better songs they've put her last to let people engage with the rest of the entries before she gets most of the attention (I'm also of the opinnion that people put too much store in the influence of the running order - just because it's the factor we know beforehand doesn't mean it'll be the most significant one on the actual night, when so many more and less predictable factors come into play). But I also only keep up with tumblr and YouTube comments, so I can't really evaluate the nuances of what fans are saying elsewhere.

I get where they're coming from though. To me it feels like mello has been running on empty for years now. Unlike countries with less established national selection procedures, where the varied selection processes may result in more diverse and risky entries, Melodifestivalen feels like a bohemuth whose deep roots make it very hard to shift. There is a very particular and established public perception of what mello is and should be in Sweden, and behind the scenes there is a whole industry which also helps maintain this expected fascade (how tired aren't we of hearing that the same few names have written most of the entries?).

It's like I said in my post comparing mello to doctor who: at this point mello keeps moving mostly on built-up momentum. But momentum doesn't allow for the quick turns and adaptions other countries can pull off so effortlessly. Momentum isn't a creative force, it's a derrivative one. For many countries, national selections are a sprint to be undertaken each year. Mello is a marathon we've been running since Björkman revolutionised the format in 2002. Another simile would be a garden: most countries plant new annuals every year, some have nice bushes they've been tending to for some years, and mello is the big old oak at the edge of the garden. It's majestic and showcases decades of dedicated hard work, yes, but no matter how much love and effort we keep puring into it, trees still grow old and wither. This particular one probably hit its prime over a decade ago.

I'm mixing my metaphors, but I think you get the point. We live in a very different world to 2002. We listen to and engage with music in ways you would struggle to explain to a 2002-ian if you were to go back in time and try. I think it's beyond argument that mello needs not just a reform, but to be revolutionised - the way they did in 2002 - to keep it interesting and relevant to current audiences: both the fans and the public at large. The transfer of management from Björkman to the new team (which happened before last year's edition) would have been a great opportunity for this to be done, but the tiny changes which actually were implemented are barely worthy of the name in my opinion. Behind the scenes they may have made a difference, but the experience of watching the show is very much the same - if not worse (glances at the painfully predictible voting procedure).

Real revolution would take inspiration, and that would equire entusiasm from people deeply familiar with the current landscape available to musical audiences. Mello feels like it's gone in the other direction, toward a more corporate "make a formula and stick to it" assembly line type deal. Though, I guess mello has never been the place you went for musical innovation; perhaps my tastes have just diversified with age. Either way, I agree with the general consensus that mello feels stale. There's a reason esc is my main interest, and it's the diversity of the music and performances. If mello feels more and more restrictive, esc is a liberating breath of fresh air. I can't wait for May to arrive!

[zomthezom]

I swear, people on the internet have zero braincells. seriously? calling the entire palestinian population terrorists? calling GAZA terrorists? it’s just that one group, and while yes they are in the wrong, israel is the country that put those civilians and locked them up in gaza in the first place. if anyone’s a terrorist, it’s the Israeli government. they took it upon themself to cut off all communications in palestine, claiming it’s so they can’t get more terrorist grips? it’s obvious why they did that. misinformation. controlling the flow of information is the most powerful leverage in war in the 21st century. if you have the whole world supporting you cause of misinformation, then the opposing side might just give up. hell, Elon Musk tried doing something good for once, by giving Palestine Starlink, but Israel threatened to attack him if he would have went through with it. They make ads on youtube saying their babies are dying, but i’m pretty sure those are Gaza babies. i’m not saying israel as a whole are terrorists, i’m arguing the fact that it’s the government. It’s surprising how I, someone who’s barely 5 years away from adulthood, is less ignorant than most of the adults on the internet. People here on tumblr have the right idea, tumblr itself has boosted the #free palestine tag. Proof of how misinformation affects people is the United States. People say that the US is a hero country and is amazing and all, but a ton of Veterens from the US know how horrible the United States truly is. I was recently taught by my school that after 9/11 the US went to Afghanistan to get that one guy (i forgot his name), but in reality (i’m 90% sure i’m remembering this correctly), the US just went there to ravage Afghanistan for its oil. the US is GREEDY. but more on that in a future post. Someone on twitter mentioned something about Israel and terrorism, and they simply responded ‘🤥🤥👖🔥’

while both sides are bad, the israeli government is beginning to tip the scale towards them for who is more ‘bad’ in moral standards. there’s been several claims that palestinian terrorists kill women and children, but there’s also been several news reports of Israel women and their kids being spared by the same group. I’ve even seen a video where this reporter was asking this man if they’ll (israel military) spare the kitten he found. and the man responded with something along the lines of ‘they don’t even spare human lives, you think they’ll care about an animal?’

Another point is that the group offered to give Israel the hostages back for a trade of money or something, and Israel simply responded with ‘we won’t let them die in vain’. what? they won’t die if you get them back. you’d rather them die then try to make peace or whatever? if i was in israel and one of the people i know were hostage in that situation (whether i like them or not), i would be severely angered.

All in all, people need to quit dunking on those who support Palestine, they’re supporting the civilians not the terrorists. Heck i can see if they support the terrorists, they’re more morally well compared to the Israeli government.

[honzuki-reymilie]

Fandom-wise, I usually lurk around reddit, tumblr (that barely has a presence), and the jp fandom in twitter, but I haven't approached discord and the fics. If discord and ao3 are just as you say, then I start to understand why you're so pissed 99% of the time about the AoB fandom. Otherwise, I find it more chill and varied than what you've experienced.

Charlotte:

Too good kid. This might be an unpopular opinion but, while it is unfair to Charlotte, I actually think that Sylvester made the best decision that he could at the moment with Roz and Wil's engagement. There wasn't much way to keep Rozemyne in the duchy otherwise. Sylvester and Florencia could have tried to think more about Charlotte's feelings though (Florencia too because she only went to Charlotte after Charlotte's attendant asked her to), but it seems they're too busy thinking about poor poor Wilfried's future and position to spare a thought about her. It's kinda sad and ironic that the only way her dream can be fulfilled is when Rozemyne is out of the picture.

Rozemyne sees her mostly as a younger sister that she can dote on instead of her younger brother, as long as she fulfills her position as an adopted daughter of the archduke. She is compared to an ornament but I wonder how she would compare to Kamil and what furniture he would be. Roz didn't think that she wanted to be Aub since to her, the position of Aub isn't desirable and she didn't think that Charlotte was raised to compete against Wilfried. Personally, I can't fault too much Roz for this considering that she has barely spent any time with Charlotte to know more about her. I wish we could see more interactions between them, and I wish we could see more of Charlotte in general.

I'm at least glad that Charlotte is now the next Aub and that she's been taught the way to the foundation.

(While he is complex, has his flaws,and thoughts about him are mixed, Sylvester is generally thought to be a guy you can't hate. Just post away your thoughts about him if you want, I mean, you already did for Dietlinde)

Dietlinde:

I see a lot of people feeling sorry for her and the way she was raised, but it's the first time I see someone liking her for her bling and fashion. That's kinda refreshing.

"Yes, this goes against AoB's (admittedly ableist) “if you're not of use then you deserve any bad thing that comes your way” theme, goes against YS's standards,"

-> Yogurtland standards ≠ AoB/story theme.

Considering how there's a lot of readers feeling sorry for Dietlinde, I think that it's exactly how Kazuki has written her to be: a hateable villain who's also pitiful since most of her actions and personality stems from her upbringing, environment and the way she was raised. It makes readers think about the influence the education and upbringing can have on a person (this can also be seen with Georgine and other characters as well).

Hirschur:

Yay!! A Hirschur appreciation post!! That's rare!

I love Hirschur and she's such an underrated character!! Characters say that she isn't doing her job as a dormitory supervisor, but hey, she's only doing as much of a job as she's being paid for. Likewise, I wish we could see more of her!! Just how can there be only one chapter from her pov?? We. Need. More!!

...aaand it turns into a 1/3 Ferdinand hate post.

Sorry, I know you don't want people defending him, but I will. I mean, you kinda brought it on yourself by writing a lengthy wall of text in a female characters appreciation post but, anyway, feel free to not respond if you don't wish to.

Ferdinand does know that Veronica cut off her financial help as a dormitory supervisor. He's the one who told Sylvester about it and he's been helping her financially instead from the money he was making by selling the magic tools.

It looks like to me that he's respecting her a lot. Even after graduating and he's no longer a student he still calls Hirschur-sensei and uses polite speech (might be difficult to distinguish in english) when talking with her.

He couldn't have contacted her for about 7 years after he graduated since he was in the temple, and after that we can only guess the cause. Of course, it could be that Ferdinand is just being Ferdinand, but I think that it's more because of something along the lines of: "Now that you've graduated, you are no longer a student, and no longer Hirschur's apprentice. You are only an archduke candidate and a Sovereignty archnoble dormitory supervisor." - noble society. Rozemyne's contact with Ferdinand has been limited, Georgine's contact with Bezewanst has been limited, it wouldn't surprise me that they wouldn't be allowed to contact each other as they wish to. Even now they're only contacting each other whenever there's an excuse/opportunity related to work with a whole duchy involved (ex: Schwartz and Weiss's clothes, Raimunt and Ahrensbach's research that could be awarded).

He wasn't pissy about Hirschur taking Raimunt as a apprentice, he only took back the dangerous magic tools (especially if they were to be improved in a way that anyone could use them by lowering their mana cost) that he created from Hirschur's lab.

I don't mean to undermine what Hirschur did for Ferdi, it's still huge that she protected him even at the cost of her rights as a dormitory supervisor, but it isn't on the same level as Gunther and Effa who went to a 99% certain death by defying the High Bishop, or even Died and Karla who risked their lives by going to the temple and explaining themselves in front of a noble just to retrieve Lutz.

Besides, when he was showing his memories to Myne, he didn't remember Adelbert in a positive context. He was showing Myne the memory of Died telling Benno that having a child isn't about profit and loss, and then he remembered Adel who came to retrieve his son for the sake and profit of Ehrenfest (and because he was ordered by the Zent).

Also, the temple was a place where abandoned ones were sent to for their lack of mana, and criminals who are stripped of their positions and ranks. If one goes there, it stays as a scar forever among noble society. Ferdinand was officially stripped of his position as an archduke candidate, was officially no longer part of the archduke family and was demoted to a blue priest. Sylvester and Karstedt tried to protect him by giving him work and treating him like an archduke candidate, but it still isn't something to do to an ADC who didn't commit a crime (to anyone's knowledge) and was 1st in class in every course. Sylvester did it to protect Ferdinand from Veronica but he still chose to send him to the temple instead of punishing the person who was trying to assassinate him. He thought it would be only for a short while until his mom's "hysteria" would calm down but seven years ended up passing. (He also did it because he viewed the temple in a more positive light than the average noble because of the way his mother treated Bezewanst, but still.) Assassinations attempts aren't new to Ferdinand either, they started since his baptism. Considering all that, I think that it really can't be helped if he felt abandoned.

Delia:

I agree with you.

I can't believe there are people saying that about her. Bruh, she's like, eight!

I can't blame her for going to Bezewanst's side either. Other than what you said, there's also the fact that she's only ever seen his ""gentle and kind"" side.

What happened to her is sad and tragic. But regarding her punishment I don't think that Myne could have lied about it. She's a bad liar (and Delia too), Syl would have seen right through her immediately and just killed her alongside the other attendants instead. And it isn't within her power to retract the punishment either since it's a crime involving another duchy, the harming of archduke candidates etc.

And I can't blame Myne either for not fully trusting Delia (she did go out with them to downtown to buy clothes at least once though) and hiding stuff from her, after all while I can't blame her for it, Delia was still the High Bishop's spy and it could have endangered her life and her entourage, and all the orphans' too.

"They deceive her and make it seem like they're ripping her little brother from her for no reason, of course she feels cornered and threatened!"

-> This one is on Arno. He's the one who told her about the adoption, and in a way that would trigger her fear and anxiety.

Best female AoB character in your opinion?

Boy oh boy do I got Opinions™ about female characters in AoB!

So the thing is that if you plunked any given female character in front of me, my opinion is bound to be at least a little bit positive on some level. Yes, even Veronica. Yes, even Detlinde. Especially Detlinde. And many, many more.

So much so that I had a very difficult time narrowing things down to answer this ask— and unfortunately for y'all I thunk™ about it too much and was ultimately unable to narrow it down to one.

So we're getting: Charlotte, Detlinde, Hirschur, and Delia.

FOUR CHARACTERS, BABY. LET'S GO!

Charlotte

Charlotte is a very fascinating character, in my opinion. Generations' worth of grudges and torment and abuse, all crystalizing in this generation— crystalizing in her. Veronica's pain (because yes she did have a fucked up childhood, doesn't excuse any of her abuse but it does put it into perspective: it shaped her and she literally is passing the pain down) passing onto her children, Georgine's pain passing onto Sylvester, Sylvester's fears and Florencia's all reaching, reaching, reaching down until it got to her. Many people were affected by this chain reaction, undeniably, but in my opinion Charlotte is the point on the map where all these lines converge. Veronica took her brother and more than likely ostracized/abused Charlotte as she did Florencia. This made Florencia try to train her to be Aub. There must've been a touch of desperation in that choice. What does it do to a child, when they know they're being raised for a larger purpose? Their reason for existing? To know everything's laid on their shoulders? Sylvester on the flipside declared Wilfried as heir because he didn't want Charlotte to go through the pain his sister went through of being raised all her life to be Aub only to be snatched away, to be allowed to have a more hazard-free life in his eyes. But his approach, even as it stemmed from love (he loves, he loves so much, his love hurts, but this post ain't about him even as I regard him as an honorary girl bc he's hated as much as many other female characters seem to be but I digress), did not help as he is blind to what his children need (his love is deep as the ocean and twice as blind)— he projects onto Charlotte, and that… makes her feel small. Useless. Unworthy. What does it do to a child, to have your entire purpose be snatched from you? To be made to feel like your father does not see you as capable or worthy?

How do you deal with the weight of all these generational chains on your limbs?

How do you deal with the devastation of walls closing in on you?

Well, how do you?

Charlotte definitely has a complicated dynamic with her family members. Even Rozemyne. Especially Rozemyne. We'll… get to that in a bit.

Sylvester neglects her. I don't think that's up for debate. I am among his most ardent defenders (though it mostly stays in DMs since… I'm not convinced it would be received well) and I can freely say this. He neglects Charlotte. I don't think he dislikes Charlotte or prefers Wilfried or anything, but his way of expressing his love is undeniably detrimental to her well-being and antithetical to what she wants and needs. He's projecting his and Georgine's dynamic onto his children, and in trying to prevent animosity and bitterness he creates exactly that. In Charlotte's eyes, her father favors Wilfried way too much and neglects her, who has been desperate for someone, anyone, to acknowledge her.

Charlotte and Florencia as well, they have a fucked up dynamic. Florencia raised her to be pitted against Wilfried. What does that do to a child.

I understand why Florencia did it but it would've fucked Charlotte up!

She was raised for this purpose, by her mother, and said mother just stands by and lets it happen when her father takes her purpose away.

There's something fascinating to be found here. So much more fascinating than whatever AO3/Discord folk try to milk out of Rozemyne-Florencia. Charlotte's sense of obligation probably has a root somewhere in her younger years.

She's not even the center of the conversation when it comes to the subject of Sylvester's parenting. She isn't! She just isn't! Rozemyne is the focus 99% of the time!

He's neglecting her. EVERYONE is. She has nobody in her corner and yet she's expected to support everyone else.

Even though she might even resent Myne (for promising to support her and then Not Doing That) she wouldn't allow herself to feel/express it bc Myne risked her life to save hers.

The guilt! The sense of obligation/gratitude! The resentment!

I think she redirects a lot of what she might feel towards Myne onto Wilfried, a much less complicated recipient. But she still doesn't, can't, express it outwards because... well. Myne. For Myne's sake.

While Myne revels in her adoration, she doesn't care about Charlotte as a person. She has no true allies, her brother and father ignore her, and her sister looks at her without seeing her.

I keep remembering the fanbook tidbit of Charlotte being an ornament to Myne. She doesn't think Charlotte is capable of anything except looking cute and motivating her. If only the story and the fandom acknowledged that… but nope! She's just there to prop up Myne and bash Wilfried.

I don't quite think she's transmasc either. Yes, I know, I said the opposite before but it was me trying to fit in and figure out her character and after giving it much thought… her storyline deals with systemic misogyny, not gender dysphoria. She wants to be acknowledged for what she is, her capabilities, I don't think she's feeling any worse for being regarded as a girl in of itself— and I am of the opinion that it somewhat undersells her struggle and sweeps the misogyny she's facing under a rug via dressing it up with a queer headcanons. At the end of the day though, people are free to have any headcanon or opinion they so wish, and I have no authority over that. Also fyi I'm genderfluid in case someone accuses me of being transphobic.

All in all, I think she's such a fascinating character because she's the nexus at which all these lines all this hurt all this cumulative trauma from so many generations and so many directions converge into a white-hot light. Gabrielle, Leisengang, Veronica (look, she's a villain and I'll never excuse her for basically choking out an entire population, but I think she had a hard childhood that few acknowledge and more try to excuse and justify), Sylvester, Florencia, Georgine…

She had such potential. And what'd she get in canon and fics? Okay this is making me depressed let me move onto the next character on this list:

Detlinde

Ooooh boy, where do I even begin with Detlinde? She's my babygirl she's my blorbo she's everything. She is to me what Ferdinand is to the rest of the fandom. I will defend her every deed to my dying breath.

So I'll start by doing just that.

She's been neglected. Like, seriously. Do you think Georgine genuinely cares for her? Gieselfried? Do you think she has anyone who's truly on her side?

To take an excerpt from a fanbook (people regard them as like, gospel, right?):

Q: Lady Detlinde spins her wheels a lot during tea parties. Is she, by any chance, a bit thick?

A: She doesn't pay as much attention to her words and surroundings as someone her age and with her status probably should. She's not entirely to blame, though. As the third child of her duchy's third wife-and a girl, to boot-she had a half-hearted upbringing and was never expected to amount to much. That's why she's so proud about her mother becoming the first wife and why she always boasts about being Ahrensbach's next aub.

(Credits to @ming-sik for bringing me this fanbook quote, he actually read through the fanbooks at people's recommendation, so! Thank you!)

Children are always more perceptive than people think— they absolutely pick up on the fact that a particular adult doesn't really care or that they might hurt them, it's just that their defense mechanism kicks in to shield them from the fact since having your sole source of protection and guidance hate you is an earth-shattering revelation for a child to confront and acknowledge.

I've seen fics justify this neglect by saying even Georgine gave up on her because she was Just That Dumb or something like that. Which, even if you subscribe to that kind of narrative, it still doesn't make it not abuse. It still doesn't make it not neglect. No child should be abandoned simply because they did poorly in academics. Yes, this goes against AoB's (admittedly ableist) “if you're not of use then you deserve any bad thing that comes your way” theme, goes against YS's standards, but I am my own person with my fully formed morals and worldview, not a Yogurtlander with Yogurtlander morals, and I shall judge characters from my perspective.

(It is also in a similar vein that I dislike the notion that Charlotte's neglect is bad because she's more competent than Wilfried, no child under any circumstance deserves abuse or neglect, in my opinion.

People somehow stop registering abuse as abuse when it's happening to a character they don't like. Detlinde being drugged and likely assaulted is her fault and she's a whore. It's her fault she got discarded and neglected by her parents anyways. Wilfried deserves to be imprisoned in the Ivory Tower. They don't seem to think it's “real” abuse if the victim did something that “justifies” punitive narrative violence, it's just really unpleasant to see.)

With all that context in mind, I think this puts Detlinde's behavior into perspective. Being conveyed to, both explicitly and implicitly, that she is unlovable, she will never amount to anything, she's not wanted, she's not useful, all those things, she copes. She copes by loving herself because no one else would— though she spins it as “they just don't realize how awesome I am because they're too dumb for it”.

Remember what I said about children's defense mechanism kicking in to shield them from the fact since having your sole source of protection and guidance hate you is an earth-shattering revelation for a child to confront and acknowledge? Same principle here.

When people around her, all around her, constantly and routinely imply and convey that she's all these negative things, when they try to shoot down her ideas (you can't tell me her whirling dress and hair was bad, you haven't seen half the historical fashion in our world, the bling, the shine, the detail— any historical hairstyle, southeast asian headdresses of gold studded with gemstones, beetle wings intricately embroidered onto garments, the absolute flair, I find it hard to fault her for wanting something pretty, YS's fashion is so very bland), not listen to her, not guide her, all that, I think her narcissism is not only a predictable kind of trauma response/defense mechanism for her to develop but one could even argue it is virtuously defiant. Whereas Ferdinand chose to embody noble society ideals (don't try to tell me he's some deviant, he's just not), Detlinde stubbornly tries to maintain an ironclad grasp on what she feels is true to her.

I do not want to hear any of you come to tell me that Detlinde sucks, actually, because I've had to sit and watch as the entire fandom trashes on her and insults her and calls her a whore— if there's anything all three branches of the AoB fandom (reddit, discord, tumblr) agree on, it's that Detlinde deserves to be hated. I have had to live with y'all's vitriol all this time, don't bring this onto the sole post in the entire internet that sympathizes with her. Good? Good.

How am I to sympathize with a grown man over a fifteen-year-old girl who didn't even want the marriage in the first place? How am I to sympathize with a twenty-something man who is such a shitheel to her in every regard, manipulates her with the intention to have her dead eventually? She was so happy. She didn't want the marriage at first but she was so happy to have someone who seemed to appreciate her. Isn't that sad?

Detlinde is the Atlas holding up the sky of her entire self. No one else will do it for her, so she must. All alone.

She's such an interesting character to me. Too bad Kazuki hates girls/women and children and Detlinde is clearly written to be a shallow, hateable villain. And the fandom? Completely fell for that! Not a single soul besides @ming-sik and I refused to regard her as a fucking demon.

I love her because she's defiantly confident. A crystal flower in a collapsing cave. So dazzling, so beautiful because of it.

Uhhhhh how to end this section— okay let's do a quick-fire round of other shit I like about her:

She's pretty. Like super, super pretty. Shame people constantly give her shit for resembling Veronica.

She's funny. She's so fucking funny. Among the most amusing characters to me for sure.

HER BLING. I know people like to make fun of her fashion but! Her whirling fashion didn't even look bad to me! Also she has my single most favorite adult updo style. It's so elegant and pretty.

She's silly. I guess this also falls under the funny umbrella but she's such a silly goose I love her.

She's just a normal girl. She likes pretty things and plushies and is bad at school. She'd KILL it in a modern setting. I can so easily picture her at a cafe or an arcade. She wasn't born for YS she was meant to be somewhere happier!! Tragic!

She forces the AoB fandom to think about a woman at any cost. They can't get her out of their heads. So many fics exist just to bash her. Someone even made up OCs just so they could write more Detlinde bashing. Feminist queen.

Now to move onto another funny character who might have some surprising depth:

Hirschur

She's such a mood. She's my silly goose. She doesn't care about being proper or whatever. Stay unbound, queen.

Hirschur is so interesting (and endearing) to me because she isn't someone who gives a shit about societal conventions. She's quite un-noble-like for a noble lady. She's kind. She's eccentric. She would stand against the world for her students. The ones who have nowhere else to go. One would think Ferdinand would see her as his savior or a parental figure considering she did practically raise him (as he stayed in the RA all year long instead of going back home) and he just ghosts her as soon as he graduates. Hirschur takes in Raimund and Ferdinand has the audacity to get pissy about it. Dude. SHE'S JUST DOING AS SHE'S ALWAYS DONE.

She helps people! That's what she does! Hirschur spins it as for selfish reasons or bc of her whims but the truth is that she is just kind. I don't think it's a coincidence at all that both students she took under her wing as personal apprentices had no one else to turn to. She frames it as “picking out interesting/promising students” but the fact remains that she shields outcasts from the rest of the world. Heck, she tells Sylvester to keep not supporting her so that she isn't beholden to the archduke to choose who she's allowed to help! She! Doesn't give a shit! About politics!

Hirschur's isolation is way more compelling because she USES it to help people and clearly conflicts with noble expectations of faction politics. She ain't got no time for this faction politics nonsense she's got research to do and students to help!

She's actually eccentric too. She's actually an interesting freak. Her eccentricity puts her in a position where she doesn't really rely on people's approval of her or her choices. She does what she wants and if you get hissy and pissy about it then that's a you problem. She's willing to accept a massive drop in her resources (FOR research at that, she's fucking poor) because it means she doesn't have to isolate a kid with no other options.

It baffles me and honestly kinda irritates me that she's not appreciated enough, not by the characters, not by the fandom. Ppl make such a big deal about Ferdinand seeing parents go to hell and back for their children and it doing smth to him but... he's experienced that. He received that. Hirschur stood against the world for him. While he's having his pity party trying to cure Myne's amnesia, he only flashes back to his father Adelbert. Dude. STOP THINKING ABOUT THE SPERM DONOR THAT LET THE ABUSE HAPPEN, THINK ABOUT THE WOMAN THAT PROTECTED YOU. Like Ferdinand, what about all the other people in your life. There are so many people who love you, why do you not care???? In hindsight, him acting like a poor unfortunate abandoned soul in the temple is just insulting. He says all of “us” were abandoned to Myne but he wasn't abandoned. He's only in here because his brother is clumsily but genuinely trying to protect him and he ghosted his support network. Sylvester's attempt was misguided and he was trying to say “You're capable and I trust you and you have a place by my side, please stay by my side” by giving him work. He was trying to— okay I'll stop now this post isn't about Ferdinand and Sylvester it just makes me fucking mad the way Ferdinand acts. Ferdinand, my guy, you want family? WHAT ABOUT THE WOMAN THAT STOOD AGAINST THE WORLD TO MENTOR YOU?????????? Hirschur helped him well enough that he was happy and “having the time of his life” during his RA years. She worked so hard for that boy and for what.

She's just. Unappreciated.

But then again a female character having the fandom's attention might not be a good idea since somehow someone will eventually find a way to demonize her too.

Anyhow her eccentric brand of kindness is much more interesting and infinitely more compelling than Ferdinand's “hard-to-understand-kindness”. He isn't kind, he's just mean.

Hirschur never even told Ferdinand that Veronica was cutting her off for sheltering Ferdinand. Because that's the choice she made and she stands by it and that's not her student's problem. She probably didn't want him to feel guilty.

ALSO another disclaimer because I know this fandom too well: I will neither entertain nor respond to any commentary on this post that pertains to Ferdinand because I just know people are going to derail the entire conversation and center the discussion around justifying this golden boy on a post meant to spark a discussion about female characters that never get discussed at length. Do not comment or reblog saying Ferdinand isn't bad actually because blah blah blah reason. We have had to read y'all's extensive Ferdinand posting all this time. Everyone talks about Ferdinand and not about any of the female characters to the same extent. Keep that blue thing off this post. You can bear for things to not be about him for once. Okay? Okay.

Other reasons I like her:

She's funny. She's so funny. She's so entertaining.

She's adaptable and open-minded. When she saw Myne's PandaBus she went “oh! makes sense!” and immediately adapts it into something that makes sense to her. This is in contrast against Ferdinand who despite being a “genius innovator” only ever acts like a stick-in-the-mud-with-no-imagination.

I've said this before but she doesn't conform. She's proudly eccentric.

Everything people like about Ferdinand is actually true about Hirschur, in my opinion. Her kindness is disguised but she does have a heart of gold, she's ostracized and poor, she's a genius, she's unhinged and eccentric, she doesn't conform, she's even aro coded.

Again, do not try to defend Ferdinand on this post, we've had to live with people misinterpreting and bashing and insulting our faves (if they don't outright ignore them) all this time, I'm not even calling Ferdinand anything on the level of “whore” or “homewrecker”. Deal with it.

And now we move onto the next girl— last but not least is:

Delia

She's so tragic. Her entire situation is so tragic. How do people hate this girl I'm gonna cry.

First of all, she's a victim of grooming and manipulation— and she is a child. She is, what, eight years old? when she first appears.

Just wanted to establish that right off since I don't think even Myne sees her as a child.

She was being actively manipulated and used by the primary adult figures in her life, she views becoming a mistress as a good fate because at least she won't be starving and surrounded by death in the dark. She was “rescued” because she was pretty. Of course she'd cling onto that!

She doesn't understand what a “family” is because she's never had one and she was never raised with love. She asks Myne, “Are things like family really all that great? I never really understood what a family is.” and Myne replies “It's where I belong. It's the one place where I feel the most at ease.” and yeah! That's an honest and genuine answer! It gives Delia much to think about, and being raised in the Temple with no love… what else would she assume but “No matter how well I serve you, you'll end up leaving me anyway. Right, Sister Myne?”

This is a situation in which neither of them are at fault— Delia asked, so Myne answered honestly, and Delia… yeah. Why wouldn't she assume that. Why wouldn't she want to turn to the “certainty” she's familiar with, rather than give her heart to someone who'll leave her anyways? With Dirk she finally understands love, finally understands what family is, and she's so desperately terrified of losing this, the one unambiguously good thing in her life that doesn't have complicated stuff attached to it. Why wouldn't she try to protect it, protect him? Why wouldn't she want to be with him all throughout? And Ferdinand and Myne, they deliberately keep shit from her! They deceive her and make it seem like they're ripping her little brother from her for no reason, of course she feels cornered and threatened! And remember what I said about certainty vs the unknown? Thinking (well, knowing, really, because was she wrong at all?) Myne would leave her no matter what she does, thinking Myne would never trust or prioritize her (I mean, she didn't, Delia never got to exit the Temple w Myne like Fran and Gil did), and Bezewanst (the one who “saved” her) promises her that he'd not only find a better future for Dirk but also allow her to be with him? What's a young desperate child gonna do? Maybe if somebody had properly communicated with her, this wouldn't have happened.

And then she gets trapped in the place she feared anyways, never allowed to leave (she never got to leave the Temple in the first place).

And then her brother gets torn from her anyways.

They just trap her there forever. She never gets to be anywhere or go anywhere.

And I'm just… supposed to be fine with that?

Yeah, yeah, mercy, mercy, blah blah blah, I wish Myne would've planned for this to be temporary and not forever unto Delia's death. But nope! Myne never retracts her decision ever! Like hell Sylvester would've known what Delia's worst fear was, she could've just lied.

ANOTHER disclaimer: my god please do NOT come at me with justifications on why Delia's fate was fine and warranted, actually. I have seen fandom discussions and such justify it to hell and back and some even say Myne should've just let her die. If you're one of the people who think Delia deserved it, GO AWAY.

The way many people talk about her, if they talk about her at all, makes me think they genuinely do not recognize that her situation is fucked, that CSA and grooming are harmful at all. So there was once this fic I read. In the dedicated discussion space for that fic, both author and audience alike were like: “she's so dumb for wanting to be a mistress she doesn't know what reality is she just thinks it's easy glamorous work so we should traumatize her to teach her a lesson about reality but also to punish her for ‘having caused the attack on Myne in canon’ as well we're so smart” via making her watch a woman in labor. Which she of course got traumatized by.

Way to miss the point.

Way to miss the fucking point.

She's so desperate to be a mistress not because she thinks it's glamorous work but because she's terrified of being trapped in a place that neglected and starved her! It's a desperation for survival! It's a trauma response! Gods above, people are incapable of sympathizing with children (especially if they're girls) in this fandom and series.

Delia is… well. She's such a tragic character. Her wanting desperately to be saved from something that she also thinks is completely normal is… it's interesting. It's heartbreaking. I must sound like a broken record by now. Her upbringing and trauma actually informs the actions she takes, and she gets to have an effect on other characters! Her choices aren't without consequence, and that makes her interesting unlike a certain blue someone whose dickishness doesn't affect anything negatively ever. People in this fandom act as though trauma and its effects are only limited to affect dumb people. (A la someone saying trauma can't be the root of a certain character's dickishness bc it's “too sentimental” for that character, ignoring how trauma is illogical and affects you in ways you might not even notice). People insinuate she's dumb and had it coming. It's just so exhausting and disheartening to see. Thankfully, tumblr folk don't talk like that, because they don't talk about her at all. Nor about any other female character to the extent everyone talks about Ferdinand. I swear to god he's the only thing anyone ever talks about.

So yeah! Four female characters I find most compelling. Probably not anyone's pick, except Charlotte though she isn't talked about and explored in-depth to the same extent as a certain other character is. She just gets mentioned as being better than Wilfried and it's all done, no need to talk about everything else about her. I hope this post was able to give a new perspective to people who might not have considered thinking this much about these characters! Pretty please do keep negativity about them off this post, I do not need to know you want to put twenty bullets through Detlinde's body or whatever.

[souridealist]

the thing about “oh, likes are useless, they don’t do anything” is -- yes, they do? They tell you that someone saw the thing you posted and wished to convey to you their enjoyment or approval. Why is that valueless to you? “Well but likes don’t boost visibility and reblogging does” but visibility is just... people seeing your work and possibly enjoying it. If someone reblogs the post, other people may see it and like it -- but likes are useless! it doesn’t matter if those people enjoyed it, unless they reblog it so their followers can see it, but those followers’ pleasure is also useless and they need to pass it on and where does it end? Is there some minimum number of degrees of separation before it starts to matter that someone liked a thing you made? Is the purpose just to be passed on and passed on and passed on with no end in sight? What are we after here?

This is particularly baffling to me when it’s like, “oh kids are coming from Twitter and TikTok and only liking posts and it’s going to RUIN THE SITE and Tumblr will become EMPTY OF CONTENT” -- okay but. why. you’re still getting more attention and notes -- more people are letting you know that they enjoyed your work -- than if these people didn’t make blogs at all and nothing changed. you’re coming out ahead. why are we comparing everything to what you MIGHT have gotten if people were The Ideal Consumer instead of the actual people they are? why is every reality measured against the theoretical maximum? are you really going to stop drawing or writing or photographing or composing or playing music because the response to it increased but not as much as it might have?

Like. I do get it. It’s discouraging to work on something and get crickets chirping in response! It really is! You want people to like what you make! And I’ve been lucky enough to have a few things that I worked hard on happen to catch a zeitgeist and get a lot of attention by my standards, but by some people’s standards those are still chump change. I’ve also had stories - since then - get a bare pittance of attention, by my standards. And by some people’s standards my pittance is a wealth. And the thing is that that experience really confirmed two things for me - which, admittedly, I’d known intellectually before then but hadn’t really believed in the same way, but they’re still true -

1) it really is about being the right thing in the right place at the right time, as much as luck

2) there is no number of kudos or reblogs or notes or comments or bookmarks or anything that will earn you a Real Adult Good Competent Artist Card that makes you stop feeling insecure. There isn’t. That insecure fearful hollow inside of you is not something you can fill with achievement or attention or praise; it will open up again and again, because the next one might not be as good, because it might be too different, because it might not be different enough, because making art is taking a piece of yourself out of you and putting it into the world for people to see and that’s a fundamentally terrifying leap of faith. You can pour thousands and thousands and thousands of notes or hits or likes or kudos into that hollow and it will just keep draining again and again. The only solution I’ve ever found, the only solution that I’ve ever heard of anyone finding, is a mixture of faith and of learning to work through the fear.

And yeah, no amount of confidence or faith is going to make it stop being a bummer when something flops. It feels bad! You put all that work into something and you want it to be appreciated; you want it to matter! All of that makes sense! But it’s really not going to help you to castigate the people who like your work for not liking it The Right Way. people don’t like being told that their enjoyment is useless. and it’s certainly and emphatically not an attitude that’s going to help you have a good relationship with your work.

[haleigh-sloth]

I'm really afraid because Bakugo already had a death scare, would it really just be a scare this time? This one feels so sad, emotional, final, whereas with the first one I never felt like he'd stay gone. Do you think Horikoshi would do a death scare twice, or go for a shock value darker twist with Bakugo? I don't know, and that's why i'm going through the 5 stages of grief over this. i feel sick to my stomach and i'm actually crying... over a fictional character 😭

I'm sorry anon, I doubt I can explain it anymore than I already have.

This manga, though at times questionable, IS narratively sound. It DOES follow up on things laid out.

I just don't know how to explain how painfully obvious it is that Bakugo is going to be fine. I'm sorry but I'm out of explanations. Really.

Yes, a death scare for a second time is not surprising. This isn't like the first time anyway. We're going on break next week and the author is trolling us.

But on another note: Bakugo getting stabbed isn't really a death scare imo. I mean yes it's to freak you out, but it's not a death scare. Because characters get stabbed all the time and survive. We didn't need a "how will he get out of this" thought process. In fact, we didn't even GET a "how he survived" explanation afterward, because it was just that unimportant, and un-crucial. He literally just fought the rest of that arc with those stab wounds. It barely got any focus. That's....not a death scare. Getting stabbed, unless it's like in the fucking head, is not a death sentence in manga lol.

THIS is a death scare. His heart exploded, and we don't actually know HOW he'll come back. We WILL have to get an explanation for how he survived. And we know that we will get that explanation.

I'm sorry but no, I don't think Hori is going to take a "dark turn" with Bakugo. There are no "dark turns" in BNHA. None. Nobody dies. Nobody of importance, especially on the hero side, dies. And "it's the final arc!" isn't a good reason either. Because final arcs are supposed to pay off on previous build up, not throw it all away. Look at this manga as a whole and really think about it.

Twice dying was predicted by many many many, long long before it even happened. And it served the themes of the story. It showed us the extremes that heroes are willing to go in the name of heroism. And those extremes were put in place to be shown to be wrong.

I really barely have the mental energy to explain this but--Bakugo dying here serves no purpose. "Dark turn" is not a purpose. It's not anything. It's just bullshit shock value. And even though BNHA has its shocking moments, it doesn't do pointless shock value deaths.

Bakugo's arc isn't done either. I don't know why people think Bakugo's exit from the story would be him losing a fight that the main main character is ultimately going to win later. That's not an ending to his arc. And while BNHA has its shitty moments, it's not a shitty manga. And a lazy writer with shitty insight would kill off Bakugo. The writer of BNHA, would not.

Idk if you've read other manga, and I don't want to assume, or sound like a complete asshole. But....this should not really be concerning anybody. BNHA is comparable to basically any other big name shounen manga out there and there are just unspoken RULES that these types of manga follow. Killing Bakugo breaks many of those rules.

I suggest staying away from places like twitter, where you generally just find people feeding into the pointless hysteria and making it ten times worse. I literally saw the leaks and rolled my eyes, and in my safe little circle on tumblr that was the reaction of many others.

Hori makes frustrating decisions at times that maybe most people wouldn't like (death scaring Bakugo is one of them for me), but I promise you he's not an aimless idiot with a pencil. He knows what he's doing. And it clearly shows in the majority of the manga.

And also on a side note: Hori said the greatest moment was to come in that jump festa letter. I'm sorry but none of this was a great moment. So with that alone it should be plenty clear that he's fine. Lol.

[7m7n7]

First off - yup, it seems i posted the wrong link, but hey, i can post the pic now. this person also was trying to implicate levihan and rivetra fandoms, saying they're not an eruri and following a lot of people who had beef w eruris. they do this a lot. ive seen them try to implicate levihans and rivaereris here and on twitter before as well, even tho anyone who knows them could tell. that's the issue, most people here don't know them enough and they're mad bc i tell people about it, particularly when it's a manipulation attempt where they try to disguise themselves.

and two more things about the so called "context" you added - which is funny bc looks like you picked a rather empty rb out of so many - ...if you think people in self-ship fandom are more maladjusted than shippers, you're either 1) lying shamelessly 2) have NO FUCKING CLUE what you're talking about. as someone who indulges in both (and usually just ship mlm btw, since it matters to you freaks SO MUCH), self-shipping fandoms cannot even be compared with ship fandoms. now, not every mlm fandoms are nearly as bad, obv. but even a surface level observation could tell you that shippers tend to be more obsessed, more competitive, more inclined to completely derp canon and engage in extreme OOC. second, why are you talking like tumblr is the end to the known universe? Most of the shit occurs on twt bc everything is searchable yet there are no functioning tags and dumb popular opinions get boosted and shoved in your face bc of the algorithm. you have barely any shippers (eruri or otherwise) even actively posting here, ofc you can fucking *avoid* it 🙄 try being on twitter and have them qrt every fucking levi related content with their disgusting degrading shit.

also its funny how you're so oblivious you can't even think to hide that you're obv engaging in this drama bc you wanna feel like a "legitimate blog" you attention starved mf 🤡

anyway, back to the main topic.

a lot of personality traits are social/performative, like being "polite", stoicism is also similar, but that doesn't make them coping mechanisms. coping mechanism IS a maladjustment bc its a response to trauma. it means that that person wouldn't have that trait without trauma. that's what i mean when i say cosmic called his stoicism "fake" 🙂 and a fucking braindead loser eruri anon already proved my point lmfao

this little insecure roach too threatened by levi's personality wants pretend he'd be like fucking MARCO of all people 🙂 and the same disgusting rhetoric, "oh heartless masculine alpha man" Hey, loser eruri cunt who was stalking me on twitter, im waiting for you to point out where does being masculine or alpha correlate with being heartless you fucking worthless trash 🙂

Aaaaanyways ^_^ those are @ anon by the way since you mfs have such a hard time differentiating who i am even talking about, though naturally applies to people who agree with what that roach is saying too 🙂

if you struggle to understand that, then you must be walking into street signs irl. I personally STRUGGLE TO UNDERSTAND UWU how can you even pretend that making a very defining part of his personality entirely about past trauma isn't woobiefication.

then you should also be able to understand my irritation to anything that resembles woobiefication towards levi. i disagree that i was hostile to begin with, but also with how you frame your own side, you're refusing to see it in context, even if CJ meant it in the suuuper niche way (which i disagree, bc they contradict themselves constantly) it's still an argument that helps people who resent levi. And CJ immediately got a fucking anon saying Levi would be like fucking MARCO LMAO. That alone should tell you anything you need to know. They wanna pretend he'd be like one of the most irrelevant, boring, unattractive characters in snk :))) So yes, whether in good or bad motives, CJ's arguments are still serving the same disgusting rhetoric average eruri stan uses.

also lol, youre saying you get hate thats why you're all soooo sensitive uwu, while being completely blind to the hate self-shippers get (or other shippers, but former one is here, happening IN FRONT OF YOU while the second one is mostly on twt). somehow only YOUR hcs are worthy of protection and you are the only ones who has a right to get mad at others :-( hmmm

"you perceive" and who fucking died to make you the authority on how *I* perceive anyone? you're COMPLETELY fucking off the target. If i had put CJ in the same category, i wouldn't have approached them this nicely :) theyre the one who accused me of sending them hate and blabbered endlessly after one comment, the one prejudiced against me bc i hate that ship is them. i already said that i don't have any problem with anyone *including shippers* who criticize the fanon or how fans behave in general - the problem is that it's insanely rare, and shippers themselves bully their own when it occurs. shouldn't your bestie cosmic know that better than anyone else? 🙄

your argument for "needlessly combative" be like

"i find it telling" girl, you fucking think im gonna answer every nonsense you mfs blabbered about? you losers went on for DAYS. you wrote a fucking NOVEL in which not one word worths a damn. and no, that panel @jayteacups posted isn't "telling" anything. everyone is shaped by 1) genetic makeup 2) their environment. it doesn't make those things "coping mechanisms". i don't see you guys blabbering about how being good isn't in his "true nature" bc he wouldn't be such good man if his mommy wasn't so loving and caring☹️ oh no instead you'll talk about how empathy is his "sole defining trait" (hilarious)

i used hypermasculine not in a clinical sense, lol. and im not a native english speaker. i meant that he's EXTREMELY masculine. it should be obvious to anyone who isn't just trying to derail from how i spoke about him before. and also LMAO i don't find "treating women badly uwu" and being a douchebag as masculine traits 😹 and he isn't characterized like that in self-shipping fandom, that purposeful mischaracterization of top levi fanon comes from haters (again, ERURIS), and the fact you adopt that same narrative says enough about where your loyalty lies. if you put OUR side with that side who constantly shits on levi on the same level, then you're part of the problem.

first off, i heaaavily disagree w the implication here that being "hyperaggressive" in bed or having a degradation kink (?) is "hypermasculinizing". those are separate things. a woman can be hyperfeminine and sexually aggressive, or be a sadist. it doesn't make them masculine. Aaaaanyways. "hyperaggressive sex dom who degrades women" like where, in bed? it's called kink and it's not how majority writes him anyway, he's usually a soft dom or vanilla, and there's nothing wrong w any of that. unless you bring to me where everyone's writing him like a misogynist who thinks women are lesser and argue it's canon, then you're full of shit. meanwhile eruri cunts characterize him like an ugly little doormat loser subservient to their self insert everywhere so that erwin comes off looking like The Superior Man and push it like its canon, it's not even a sex thing alone (actually the sex position is only there to serve this narrative too bc, again, they think bottoming is degrading) and anyone with half a brain can tell that.

also lmfao, i said it MULTIPLE TIMES that i see levi as a kind, heroic man FROM THE START. cosmic*joke* and now you are the ones who choose to ignore it.

Uhmmm, no. it has everything to do with eruris, bc that's the entire reason we're having any of this conv, CJ blamed me of things i didn't do, and part of it is bc eruri stans tried to push the hate /they/ sent on me before, even in contexts where the source was proved to be known eruri blogs by CJ. And theyve been trying to paint my /REACTION/ to their toxicity as not a reaction, but an instigator while they try to paint themselves as a "mostly peaceful" group when they're pretty much the source of all trouble in this fandom, and im the bad guy bc i out them. Like, what do you expect me to post about to prove my point LMFAO

two anons i saw they sent to CJ after CJ made that callout for eruris. i love the way the first eruri instinct is just to lie shamelessly in all contexts hoping some of it sticks 🩷 almost a talent!

also...derailment? if you mean that im bringing the topic to eruris like when CJ said before, then it's bc a lot of the times ppl don't know the source of a particular problem like i do, bc you guys barely engage directly w them here unlike us on twt. a lot of criticism of levi fanon for an instance people have that may seem unrelated to shipping at first come directly from them. Just a seemingly unrelated example is "levi is selfish" argument or when people say "oh you make levi a bland hero". Personally, if these takes were not related to shipping, i wouldn't care (unlike CJ, who'd froth from mouth at the idea of a morally impure levi lol) but I can %100 guarantee you whenever someone says it it's bc they have #That narrative for midnight sun. perfect fanon may not exist for anyone, but there's no other fandom that assassinates levi's character like they do.

that's bc it's used in a degrading fashion you absolute dumbfuck. that's why i say "degrading and emasculating" instead all the time and almost never "feminizing". you can actually feminize in a glorifying way but that's NOT why or how they do it. (also, don't go pretend making levi "toxically masculine" and "feminine" are similar levels of OOC either lmaooooo be serious. but anyway lets not derail.) shit like this should have made it fucking clear but i guess you need to be shoved into your face once more lmfao

all of this is just emasculation and degradation, so called femininity is just another tool. not only they do it but also they harass and mock people who like top levi and just mind their own business. the last one is about a dick size poll by the way, all eruris FOR SOME REASON UWU ganged up together to vote for that NPC so levi would lose lmfao 🥴 they're actually quite obsessed with the topic actually, wonder why!

"all you can do to stigmatize someone is claiming theyre eruri" Lol, like you stigmatize me and blame me of the source of every fucking bad thing that happens just bc i openly bash on a bunch of disgusting eruri stans? first of all, if an eruri is active in that fandom and isn't bothered about fanon at all, then yeah, they SHOULD be stigmatized. they can always come forth and criticize the harassment, fetishism, character hate, obvious ego wank their fandom participates in and prove themselves to be better. simple as that :)

you're pretty bold for someone who doesn't know such a fucking well-known steretoype. How the hell have you not heard "tall, dark and handsome" and "gentlemen prefer blondes"?

..just searched some things for you since you're so foreign to popular culture 🥴 searched the opposite too just to make sure lmaoooo and try not to be so fucking chronically online i guess!

I didn't say "cosmic" left invisible comments, i meant eruris orbiting that mf did. don't worry, i don't think mr high-and-mighty cosmic"joke" would ever engage in such suspicious behaviour LOL 😩

BUT this is the funniest fucking ""defense i ever saw LMAOOOOOO

lmao @cosmicjoke just curious...do you actually even believe what you wrote? or are you just that pathetically lacking in self-awareness? it literally takes an EFFORT to even scroll through how much you blabbered about me FOR DAYS, HOLY SHIT LMFAO. anyway, scroll away in this one i guess, since it includes some receipts from poor blameless wittle ewuwi fandom you're claiming is "mostly good" and just must be "defensive" to awful people such as myself :-(

Yeah, i said you woobiefied him (which is a degradation of character no matter how much you froth from mouth 🙂) and YOU wrote me 3 different wholeass paragraphs and in one of them accused me of sending you hate. And you still do, despite the fact i had literally no reason to do so. wanna suck up to eruri fandom that bad, huh? you're so fucking stupid and SO obsessed with retaining that moral highground you SO CLEARLY jack off to, you're even letting eruris who hate you using you to get back at me. who do you think those anons and sock accs you're chatting w are? "this dumb bitch comes at me with insults and accusations" what a hilarious sentence! can you write one sentence without projecting so intensely that you need to be in a mental ward?

"self shippers are so jealous uwu" OHHHHHH MY GOD LMAO. the fucking eruri rhetoric of GRAND PROJECTION. NO fucking self-shippers gives a fuck to eruri you absolute dumbass 😭 entire discourse happens bc eruris harass them (and other levi shippers) bc of THEIR OWN JEALOUSY holy fuck!!! how can you be so fucking disgustingly biased? and even though you know i also like rivaere and have no problem w other levi ships, you're trying to use me as a scapegoat to "prove" self-shippers are "homophobic" and against "gay ships" start discourse with real levi stans bc some of them also didn't validate your ridiculously awful levi takes apparently. even though you also should be well aware tons of OC shippers also enjoy or don't mind eruri, you're literally attacking people JUST bc they disagreed with you in a previous discourse, just like what you're doing to me right now.

LMAOOOO nobody's crying anything you braindead loser, and the only one getting "curb-stomped" is your pea-sized brain trying to generate a sentence that doesn't have five contradictions and failing pathetically. "if they just left a sentence exactly like what i had in mind uwuwuwu i wouldnt have started to froth from mouth uwuwuuw how dare they accuse me of woobiefying levi when i obv woobiefy him uwuuuwu 🥺" LMAO nobody is obligated to treat your fragile ass like glass, not my goddamn problem you're so fucking pathetic you start losing you GODDAMN MIND when someone strays a little outside what you deem as acceptable. i didn't throw insults or anything at first either, i just said what it is: that you woobiefy his character, and you clearly can't stand being told the truth. Once again: you %100000 woobiefy him and resent people who don't agree with you. the fact you're THIS vitriolic towards people (thanks for showing i wasn't the only one, at least!) acting like i tainted your honor shows that enough. you literally wrote a "call out" bc of one comment which YOU turned into a fight. you lack introspection madly and you constantly project, so ofc you're just gonna spiral into another fit of rage when you see this, but you can't fool people who are unbiased no matter how much you blabber on 🙂

Ohhh lmao, it reaaaaaaally couldn't be more obvious you have beef with people who like top levi. that's literally it. Do you fucking realize how goddamn creepy you are when you talk about how i must want to get "smacked around" by a man just bc i said you were woobiefying him? You're a fucking freak. You have no idea what i even like (since you're so curious, i enjoy a wiiide range of levi) but this doesn't have anything to do with what we talk, you think people don't woobiefy characters they like as tops? bc it's SUPER common in most fandoms. the way you immediate resort to talking about people's sexual fantasies is freak behaviour and shows where your true problem lies. and what does this even mean "what the actual reality of Levi's sexuality would likely be"? Do you think people who have trauma can't be dominant? "Assuredly wouldn't enjoy sexual aggression" Why, were you in the room when he was banging people? That's just your hc you're pushing as canon, AGAIN. You want everyone to act like their hcs are just ooc hcs, but they have to accept your hcs as canonical regardless of how much bullshit they are. There's this insane push against *any* top levi content from eruri stans which they dub exactly as you do even though it doesn't reflect the fanon at all, and it makes it TOO OBVIOUS what your real issue is. Lmao, an eruri shipper who has a problem w ppl who like top levi, what a fucking surprise! 🙂

also this is from that @p-ssypink imbecile who's also obv an eruri

stop projecting and pulling discourse out of your ass. "forced masculinization" levi is already a hypermasculine character in canon, you clown. which probably makes you cry :^) and what does this have to do with homophobia? you think all gay men are feminine? pretty sure such stereotyping constitutes as homophobia. anyway, i said "my deal is im in love w him" bc that clown said something like "your whole deal is your hate for eruri rather than stanning levi" i think that message was cut from the og. obv loving a character doesnt make anyone an authority. but "every eruri is out to get self shippers bc they're ego-maniacal lunatics who cant separate fanon from canon and only see levi as a smol bean omega bottom to be protected" Yes, you got one thing correct, congrats! :) 👏🏻 That's exactly how %99 of eruri shippers are like and anyone who has been in this fandom long enough knows that. But "to be protected" is misplaced, since they mostly get off on degrading and torturing him. sometimes they just like to pretend they have any sympathy for him since they've been accused of being levi haters since ALWAYS, lmfao, but don't worry, i can send you a lot where they admit that too. and ofc, the pretend sadness fits right into their agenda with that sad pathetic little doormat levi they want.

anyways. am i homophobic or are people who consistently emasculate a character in %99.9999 of their fanon bc they think being feminine or bottom is degrading the ones who are homophobic? or maybe calling him the f slur constantly, you'd think qualifies? you don't think treating him like a "little twink who's only job is to get fucked" is fetishistic and homophobic, is that tooootally okay for you? What about bullying and mocking people who think differently and forcing their hcs on them, is that fine?

"inability to top" hmmmmmm i wonder how do these people see t/b roles and why they're so aggressive about them 🤔

plotting to get a levi/oc video down....kudos on that courage to admit that on their main! 👏🏻

there are so many, this was veeeeeeery hard to pick tbh but here are just few examples. and no, these aren't just one off events or "bad apples" and all of these people are known eruris, and some have thousands of followers. you may accuse me of "making hating eruri my entire online identity" which is fine and dandy. but ENTIRE eruri fandom makes their identiy hating on what they deem is a threat to their glorification fantasy.

as a bonus here are some multishippers who love eruri talk about the same issue being so common as well 🙂

i think it should be clear why :')

and @jayteacups saying this nonsense, idk if theyre just playing obtuse but lmfao. some people just don't know mentality in shipping communities enough soooo

having an OC/self-insert have NOTHING TO DO with what im talking about when i criticize self-inserting/identifying etc with a character. and what i'm criticizing isn't even the fact they self-insert into a character lmfao, it's the entire toxicity it brings, bc through overly identifying w some inadequecy of a character (in this case it's obviously the fact levi's more popular and attractive than erwin that bothers them) they grow jealous and resentful, bend canon to alleviate their insecurity + derive ego wank and attack others who don't validate them. as a result, practically all they do is degrading levi in every way and use him as a validation device (and other characters too btw, just look at how they treat zeke) to make erwin come off "superior", gatekeeping levi bc they can't stand seeing him w other characters, even real life fangirls, both out of possessiveness but also bc it ruins their narrative where erwin's the "conventionally attractive" one. that's the reason for the push against people who like levi in a "hetero" way (read: Top, masculine, alpha, daddy, het, whatever bc they think it translates into "conventionally attractive" lmfao, and precisely why they love bi erwin but NEVER bi levi). and this isn't just against self-shippers, they treat every other levi fandom similarly, and these ships also get mocked as "self insert ships". ironic considering their treatment of erwin puts early ff.net mary sues to shame 🥴 they can't be honest about jackshit bc it ruins their glorification fantasy where erwin has to be the one that ship is all about. they're the definition of "have my cake and eat it too", they act like they barely tolerate levi just for erwin's sake but bitchfight over him every second with everyone, depict him as a one-sided simp for erwin, try to alleviate their insecurity by reducing him to a loser doormat while doing the exact opposites towards erwin.

⬇️ gotta be pretty self explanatory lmfao

^ Very famous and beloved people among eruris

despite the fact there's a lot of pushback, they'll still argue tooth and nail that women wouldn't like levi and would prefer erwin. Why do you think this is soooo important to them? :^) ⬇️ lol wonder why they want him to convince ppl he's "feminine" so bad! almost like it's bc they see it as unattractive and degrading! but sure, we're the sexist homophobes for hating eruri fans, right? oh and the white supremacist rhetoric also so common - bc i've never seen anyone refer to being blonde in MEN as a good thing outside eruri fandom - since it's a feminine stereotype. "tall DARK and handsome", no? :') But they'll use ANYTHING just to make erwin look better, so they're pretend it's related to generic beauty standards rather than, idk, fucking rantings from hitler's headquarters. maybe some other day i should post them calling him aryan, hmmm....

look at how they act towards even their own (rare good ones lmao) artists when they depict levi in a conventionally attractive way, they bash on it and call it "hetero" hmmm :')

Oh oops they already said the quiet part loud! 😱But going around shitting on artists and calling levi "erwin's submissive little bitch" is okay to you, right?

By the way, one of the anons cosmicjoke made a fake acc to come at me just now on twitter bc i called out one of the eruris calling levi f*ggot. Apparently according to them it's just no big deal, that's just calling levi "gay". :') linking it bc too many pics: https://x.com/emeraldsas77759/status/1801556666556559451

Just a small taste of what eruri fandom is like, since most people here on tumblr don't have a fucking clue. Anyway cosmic"joke", what an apt name. Now, you can puke blood all over all you want like the useless, pathetic eruri ass-kisser you are and write few other novels for my sake! don't get too comfy with those erwin stans who are now sending you their love instead of harassing you tho lmfao!

(^ bc they said levi had a bolo tie of his own and MAYBE he wasn't wearing erwin's bolo tie in the FUCKING OFFICIAL ART LMFAO)

"don't ruin the rep of our fandom they're not eruris uwu" Familiar argument, isn't it? :') bc THAT'S what they do, creating ungodly amounts of toxicity, shitting on everyone, intruding in everyone's spaces, then when they get even a little pushback, they start screeching like little rats trying to shift the blame on others. These are the people you defend when you defend eruris. But hey, you can continue to suck up to them, try not to step one milimeter out of line tho, saying levi isn't erwin's dog may get you death threats. Have fun, goodnight, good luck! 😘

[jitterbugjive]

Am late, but

I agree that instagram isnt great for artists but its more alive than tumblr. Im running a decently successful anime merch business purely from instagram. So it CAN be done. Does it require fighting with the algorithm and catering to popular fandoms? Yes. But its more sustainable than tumblr bc the organic reach tumblr used to have just…isnt there anymore.

Tiktok is the king of reach but it will commonly shadowban ppl

Then its isntagram

Then twitter

Then DA

Then tumblr

The audience just isnt here anymore : (

I don't feel like I have enough 'catering' content to post to instagram, because again I do not have time to make fanart of other fandoms when I barely even have time for an hour of one of my own personal projects. Networking is exhausting and it takes a lot of time and work to start over on a new platform, I used to have the time and energy for it when I started Discord Whooves, but now I don't have that any more.

I have currently 89 commissions in my queue. 89.

That is ridiculous.

I usually wouldn't let it get this far but I have no choice because I really really need the money.

I desperately want to network again, but I don't know how in the heck I can do that while balancing everything else. I'm having a hard enough time just keeping up on My Magic Grandpa's twitter.

I'm so busy all the time that I think I'd honestly need a social media manager to deal with all the networking know-how, but even then I wouldn't be able to produce enough content to catch peoples' attention.

I'm more of a story writer anyway, I don't think a lot of people are drawn to me for my art, unless I'm making, I dunno, an Owl House AU fan blog or comic, I don't think people are going to care much for general fanart that I produce....

I know it's shitty to put myself down like this but I'm trying to be realistic here, comparing what I do to what gets popular, and what I do just isn't good enough to stand out.

[svnflowervol666]

could u probably write one where h is dating a girl that’s a lil curvy? (You can look up someone like julia kelly and katya elise henry on ig/tumblr if u wanna know) and she gets a lot of comparisons from a few of his friends and fans, it kinda brings her down a bit bc idk man I’m a bit curvy too but i get so insecure sometimes knowing that people could be so judgmental but i know harry would love his girl no matter what 🥺❤️

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: smut-ish (at the end)

Something was off with Y/N. Harry had known this for the past few days. It wasn’t that she’d been acting completely different, just so much so that being the caring and attentive person that he is, Harry had picked up on it.

At first, it was turning down second helpings at dinner. He didn’t think much of it aside from giving her the side-eye, because it was her favorite meal that Harry only cooked for her on special occasions. Next, it was her offering to pleasure him in the morning with her mouth instead of letting him take care of them both. Again, it was odd for her to turn down early morning sex, but he’d assumed she was just tired. Then came the nights when Y/N refused to sleep naked. Harry and Y/N always slept without clothes on, Harry claiming that it was just one more layer keeping them apart, which he hated. Again, he thought it was weird, but the weather had been particularly nipply lately so he’d chalked it up to her simply getting chilly throughout the night and needing the extra warmth.

The last and final straw, the whistle-blower that tied all of her off-kilter behaviors together, came to Harry when Y/N was in the shower. She was rinsing off after dinner, which she had only picked at anxiously with her fork without actually eating much of, and Harry was cleaning up the kitchen and living room to prepare for the movie night they had planned. When Harry went to move Y/N’s open laptop from the coffee table, he accidentally woke up the screen, and what he saw puzzled him to no end. It was an article pulled up on her browser, one from a tabloid company titled, “Reasons Why Y/N is Harry Styles’ Best Girlfriend.” The article was filled with photos of not only him and Y/N but of him and his past girlfriends as well. The point was to prove how much happier Harry looked with Y/N as opposed to his exes, but Harry was peeved regardless. Sure, some of these women had done him wrong in the past and left him feeling absolutely gutted, but he hated seeing them being put up against each other in this fashion.

Only adding to his frustration, the next tab over from the article was twitter account that Y/N and Harry had made one drunken night in order to spy on his fans and have a good laugh at how funny some of his followers were. They logged on and scrolled through the tweets together occasionally, but the tweets pulled up on the screen were all about Y/N’s body rather than jokes about how badly they wanted Harry to run them over with his car or memes made out of the horrid candids people had taken of him on stage. They claimed that Y/N was better than Camille because she “actually has an ass,” and that Taylor could never pull off a dress like the one Y/N wore on New Year's Eve because she didn’t have the right curves like Y/N did. Again, not necessarily negative comments, but this coupled with the other article Y/N had been looking at was enough for Harry to comprehend what was happening here.

It didn’t take much for Harry to put it all together, and it broke his heart when he did. She was comparing herself to the other girls Harry had been with. He wasn’t stupid. He knew what people said about Y/N and he knew very well that she looked much different than the other girls he typically went for. People certainly picked up on Harry’s “type,” seeing as he was always a hot topic for the press. Therefore when Y/N came along, everyone had tons to say on the matter. He avoided the comments as much as he could, but it was clear that Y/N was unable to say the same.

In the midst of planning how Harry would approach her on the subject, Y/N emerged from the top of the stairs and made her way over to the couch, dressed in an oversized shirt of Harry’s and a pair of her favorite underwear. Harry quickly closed her laptop and moved it into the kitchen as if he hadn’t just been snooping through her browser history.

“Alright,” she huffed as she plopped down onto the plush cushions of the sofa, wet hair sticking to the nape of her neck, “What’re we watching tonight?”

“Dunno,” Harry pondered, “Should we just search romantic comedies on Netflix and see what we find?”

“You know me too well, bubby,” she sighed contently.

A smile tugged at the corners of Harry’s mouth at the nickname she’d used. She appeared to be in a good mood, so he decided not to push his luck and try talking to her another day.

“Ye’ want some popcorn? Bought a new box at the store yesterday.”

“Uhh, no. I think I’m good. Still pretty full from dinner.”

You hardly touched your dinner, Harry thought to himself. He nodded (extremely hesitantly) at his girlfriend before situating his own self on the sofa next to her.

They settled on some independent film they knew they’d both hate, but that was the fun of it. Cracking jokes about how bad the acting was or about how inconsistent the main character’s accent was was almost more fun to Harry than watching a film that was actually good, which was why they ended up watching shitty, low budget ones on their designated, weekly movie nights.

Nearly halfway through the film, Harry absentmindedly slid his arm that was draped around her waist down to reach for Y/N’s thigh to place over his lap. He loved cuddling her this way, which their bodies morphed together and their legs intertwined under the coziest blanket in his house. Y/N loved it too, so Harry was shocked, but up until recently, not surprised, when she quickly pulled her leg away from Harry’s grip and off of his lap.

“Wha’s wrong? Ye’ don’t want to cuddle wi’ me?”

“What do you mean? I am cuddling with you?”

Harry huffed dramatically and rolled his eyes at his girlfriend’s feigned ignorance.

“Ye’ know exactly what I mean, baby. And it’s not just that. You’ve been acting weird lately. I know ye’ think I haven’t noticed, but I have. Ye’ don’t eat as much at dinner anymore, ye’ sleep with a t-shirt on. Ye’ don’t even want me touchin’ ye’ right now. Plus, I saw what was pulled up on your laptop while ye’ were in the shower. I’m not dumb, Y/N. Just wish you’d talk t’ me about it’s all.”

Y/N felt the embarrassment creep up her chest and spread to her neck. Her cheeks burned hot as she stared directly into his emerald green eyes that were begging, pleading for her to open up to him and tell him why she’d been so clearly obsessed with her appearance as of late. She’d had no idea that she’d even made a pattern out of her behaviors must less that Harry had picked up on them. 

“I-...Harry....I don’t want to talk about this right now,” her voice barely came over a whisper.

“Well, I do. What is it? Ye’ think your too big f’ me or somethin’?”

Y/N sighed frustratingly in Harry’s direction. 

“It’s not that. Not entirely anyway. It’s hard to explain. You’ll think it’s stupid.”

She tried not to look at Harry, but his burning gaze made it impossible to tear her eyes away.

“Baby, nothing ye’ say or feel is stupid. Talk t’ me.”

He placed his ringed hand on her kneecap. She was hesitant to not pull away from his touch, but she tried her best to relax against his grip.

“It’s just that...I don’t....look like the other girls you’ve been with,” Y/N chewed her bottom lip anxiously as soon as the words left her mouth.

Harry still didn’t see her point.

“So?” he questioned, “There’s a reason why I’m not with ‘em anymore.”

“I’m just...I see all of these comments about what people say about me...about us and it makes me feel weird.”

“Weird? Like wha’?”

“Weird like I don't really see why you’re even with me, H. I am the polar opposite of all of your exes.”

Harry had half a mind to be angry with Y/N for more or less accusing him of not loving her when that couldn’t have been further from the truth, but he was able to see things from her side and keep his urges to himself. He knew exactly what it was like to be under constant scrutiny from the press, but she didn’t. She didn’t ask for this, she didn’t deserve this, and she certainly shouldn’t be feeling the way she’s feeling right now. 

“Baby,” Harry cooed her, “Wha’ever it is that ye’ read or wha’ever ye’ thinkin’, ‘ts not true. I swear on me mum that you’re the girl I want t’ spend forever with. Ye’ don’t have to change anything about ye’self to get me t’ love ye’ any more than I already do.”

“But-”

“But nothing,” Harry interrupted, “Promise me ye’ won’t read that rubbish anymore. And promise you’ll stop hidin’ ye’self from me, too.”

Y/N nodded slowly, feeling the tension built up in her shoulders slowly dissipating into thin air. Harry was her favorite person in the world, and hearing that from him meant everything. Of course, she’d still have her moments when she’d feel like she wasn’t good enough, but everyone had those. 

“Good,” Harry leaned over to press a chaste kiss over her forehead, “Now give me a proper cuddle.”

He leaned over to grab her by the waist and hoisted her up completely on top of him.

“Harry, no!” Y/N sheepishly exclaimed through embarrassed giggles.

“Y/N, yes!” Harry taunted her as he made them both comfortable on the sofa once more. 

He pulled the blanket up over their shoulders and wrapped his arms securely around her back so that he could pet her spine whilst they finished the movie. She nestled into Harry’s shoulder and breathed in his scent that lingered on his fitted, white t-shirt. Twenty minutes ago, she’d have felt like she was crushing Harry under her weight, but not now. She felt at peace knowing Harry loved her for who she was.

As movie nights typically go with Harry, he started to get quite handsy towards the end of the film. He was starting to shift about the sofa and his palms were navigating towards the supple skin of Y/N’s bum. At first, it was a comforting hand slipping in between the hemline of her panties and just resting there against her bare skin, but soon turned into Harry kneading teasing, firm motions on her ass. His lips had found their way to the sensitive patch of her neck, sucking and tugging the area lazily, but still intense enough to mark her up. 

“Angel,” Harry beckoned when he was able to pull his lips away from her momentarily.

Y/N hummed in response, too intoxicated from the tingling sensation caused by Harry’s tongue mouthing at her throat.

“Sit up f’ me,” Harry demanded, his voice dripping with lust and desire. 

She did as she was told, sitting up so she was still straddling Harry’s chest as she looked down at him. Harry kept a close grip on Y/N’s thighs as he slid further down the couch and his face was now inches away from her core.

“Harry, what’re you-”

“Shh,” Harry’s eyes were blown out and glassy as he switched from looking into her eyes and the damp patch that was slowly but surely forming at the front of her cotton panties. 

“Just let me love on ye’ for a bit. Come closer t’ me.” 

He tried tugging her thighs so that she’d sit down a bit more against him, but she tensed up.

“But I don’t want to-”

“Ye’ not gonna crush me or wha’ever it is that ye’ worried about.”

“I might,” she mumbled to herself.

Her self-depreciation caused Harry to nip the inside of her bare thigh with his teeth, which made her jerk in response.

“Hey!” she scolded.

Harry took advantage of her moment of disorientation and kissed her heat over the front of her panties so that he could taste the juices that had accumulated there. Her chuckles quickly died down into moans when she felt the beginnings of his stubble graze the part of her body where she’d always needed Harry the most. 

“Ye’ gonna listen t’ me now, pet?” Harry asked as he replaced his lips with his thumb, where he began rubbing tantalizingly slow circles against her clothed clit.

“Mhmmm,” Y/N mewled.

“Though so,” Harry finished off with his infamous cheeky smirk.

She settled down properly onto Harry’s face, hovering just over his plump, shining lips until he was ready to taste her again. When he pulled her panties to the side and latched onto her dripping, wet core, she sank even further down against Harry’s tongue, eager to feel him in every possible nook and cranny that he could reach. He drank from her like he’d never wanted anything else in his all of his days.

Y/N had no doubt in her mind that at this moment, Harry was being honest when he said that she was the only person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

[orionsangel86]

Hey Everyone,

As you have probably noticed, I have neglected this blog for a long time now. I haven’t been on any fandom related social media at all actually. But I figured since I am currently in a good mindset, I want to write a post just outlining some things which basically boils down to a goodbye letter to Supernatural fandom.

Long rambling post below the cut...

This year (and the last) has just taken it out of me in terms of general negativity online both in fandom and in the real world. At first I got tired of fandom (mostly because Twitter is a cesspool of policing and bullying) and then I got tired of everything else (the world sucks right now, and my mental health basically stopped me from being able to participate in any form of online activism – just because I’m not blogging about something, doesn’t mean I don’t support the cause ya know?). Earlier this year, right around the time of the UK lockdowns, I had surgery and a recovery period in which I spent a lot of time with family, and just reacquainted myself with the real world. I think perhaps the coronavirus pandemic made me realise that long before lockdown began I had already been isolating myself from my real life and diving further and further into an online black hole.

It was years in the making. Supernatural fandom preoccupied my thoughts for such a long period of time it got to the point where every moment of my non working time seemed to be spent either online scrolling my tumblr dash or twitter feed, or reading fanfic or doing something fandom related. I invested so much of myself into this show and fandom that I think I forgot who I was before I was a Supernatural fan completely.

After my wake up call in late 2019, which lead me to break free from an extremely nasty clique, I have tried to re-enter fandom on my own terms, as well as attempt to enjoy the source material and the fandom creations to ignite some new spark of love and interest in the show. Yet as much as I have tried, I have failed to do so.

I was thinking recently about someone I used to follow years ago before I ever created a blog. When I was still just lurking in the tumblr shadows and followed the likes of Mittens, Lizbob, and other meta writers of the period, there was a blogger whose name I can’t remember but she was the funniest blogger I had come across. But when the show killed off Charlie Bradbury, she quit. I had never even interacted with her, as I was barely getting my blog started at the time, but I’ll never forget a post she wrote about her feelings on the show. She had recently started watching something else (I think it was Sense8 but can’t recall entirely), and that this new show had given her everything she had never thought she could have from her fave before. She wrote about how her relationship with Supernatural had become abusive. That for years the writers of Supernatural continued to throw punches at fans like her – women, LGBTQ+ people, people of colour, and yet she continued to give it all her time and attention, brushing off the punches because she was so damn devoted to the characters. Then this new show had come along, and it was like she had seen the light. The killing of Charlie Bradbury was the last straw, and she dumped Supernatural’s ass and fled into the arms of her new love.

I hope she is doing fantastically today.

What she wrote has resonated with me for years. I was a fairly new Supernatural fan at the time, and therefore didn’t really understand what she meant. A TV show can’t be abusive. Can it?

Of course, we are speaking in metaphor here, and in no way are these metaphors meant to reduce or limit the truly serious situation of actual abusive relationships, but every now and then, when a new episode of Supernatural has left me feeling upset, disappointed, frustrated and grossly let down, in some cases affecting my mood for days at a time, and therefore my mental health. I have thought back to those words she wrote and quietly agreed with them in my head. Yes. This is a metaphorically abusive relationship.

When I discovered earlier this year that Castiel was most likely going to be killed off in some sort of bullshit self sacrifice before the end of the show, I was extremely distressed. When I found out that my favourite person of all time Misha Collins, supported this ending for Castiel, and may have even been the one who pushed for it, I was more than distressed, I felt betrayed by the person I cared about most. I’ll admit to you all now that in my weakest moments I have fantasized about standing in front of Misha and screaming at him exactly just what kind of affect his “ideal ending” for Castiel will have on his fanbase, on their mental health, and potentially their own safety. This fantasy has me guilt tripping him and doing everything in my power to make him feel utterly shit about the decision. I know what you are thinking – don’t blame Misha, the guy has his own problems and we all know he projects his own self esteem issues onto Cas – and yes, I know this, like I said its only a fantasy to get me through my darkest moments. I don’t hate Misha at all. But perhaps I do love him a little less nowadays than I did back at the height of my fandom life. That’s at least still a little bit more than my feelings for Jensen and Jared which now I can only describe as complete indifference.

I am admitting all of this now knowing full well it will ignite shock and anger among the more die hard fans of J2M, to explain why I need to just leave this fandom completely, or more accurately, why I have already left fandom.

Over the past 10 months of 2020, I have watched a lot of TV (there isn’t much else to do during a lockdown when you are on crutches with your foot in a cast!) and the one thought that occurred to me over and over again was “this show is so much better than Supernatural”.

I kept comparing everything I watched, from the quality of the scripts, the actors, the special effects, to the inclusiveness of the shows. Just so many beautiful and interesting stories that seem to understand their audience, and understand how to entertain and impress without resorting to cringe humour, outdated jokes, and prejudice, not to mention misogyny and queerbaiting – yup, I said it.

The thing is, I think these thoughts have been creeping over me slowly for longer than just this year, but I have been desperately batting them away the way Dean Winchester bats away his own gay thoughts. Unlike Dean though, eventually I couldn’t ignore them anymore. I cannot continue to carve out space in my own soul for this show, which incessantly beats me down regardless of my devotion. The creators, the network, the writers, and sometimes even the cast, have all shown that they don’t care about me as a fan. I’m not some gun toting dudebro living in middle America, so why should they give a damn about me? I’m clearly not their target audience, nor have I ever been.

I know many of you will vehemently deny my personal opinion of Supernatural now. That is absolutely fine. I am sorry to be admitting it, but I had to. I feel like once I finally write out these words, I have got it off my chest and can close and lock the door on Supernatural for good.

Without Supernatural, I am able to focus on my real life, I am able to find pleasure in other things, new things, interesting things, that bring me joy and joy alone – not disappointment and frustration. I found a new job this year, which has been a huge accomplishment as I was stagnating in my old one, and several new hobbies under my belt. I moved to a new flat, I have a lovely flatmate who has been a godsend throughout lockdown, and I have rekindled friendships that I was neglecting due to my Supernatural obsession.

All in all, I am finding post-Supernatural life far more rewarding and content than my life in fandom. It has taken me a while, but I am over the show. And whilst I will always hold a special place in my heart for Castiel, it will be as I know him in my own mind; as the wonderful, strong, powerful and determined angel with a soul, who loves so strongly, and who is worth so much more than his own creators give him credit for. He is up there with Aziraphale and Crowley, with The Doctor, and Buffy, as one of the greatest characters of all time.  

So the Supernatural writers and creators can take whatever ending they have decided upon, and shove it up their asses. I am sorry to say that Sam and Dean Winchester are also lost to me. Any love I had for them was destroyed by their later season depictions. Castiel alone is the only character worthy of that space in my heart now. If in time he longs for a companion, I will find one for him, but it won’t be the Dean Winchester of the canon show. Canon Dean hasn’t been deserving of Cas for a long time now.

Perhaps I am still a little bitter about the ending. Perhaps the finale won’t be the disaster I expect it to be, perhaps Dabb will somehow turn it all around last minute following whatever travesty Bucklemming have given us in 15x19. Either way, I won’t be watching.

So this is me saying goodbye to this blog, at least until I have decided what else to do with it. It certainly won’t be a Supernatural fandom blog anymore. It wasn’t all wasted though. I did get a wonderful friendship group out of this fandom, and I have certainly expanded my knowledge of film and television analysis, as well as having enjoyed a great many memes.

I guess in the end, my internal war with my inner bitter Cas girl finished with her winning, and writing this post. Once it is posted however, I will put her to sleep with thoughts of a happy Castiel, who has swapped his wings for a beating human heart, and is living on a beach somewhere beautiful, refurbishing an old Victorian house, and greeting his kindly elderly neighbours. There’s a gay bar on the main strip, and the bartender is quite a dish. Green eyes and light brown hair with a killer smile. Castiel thinks he looks familiar, like a memory from a past life, but they’ve definitely never met, because this man is kind.

Now that she is asleep, there is nothing left for me here. Goodbye everyone. Whether you manage to enjoy the finale or not, I truly hope you too, find your peace.