#yes this is motivated by fear
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“I don’t want to live forever”
Stop. Stop right there. I do. I never ever ever ever want to lose my ability to feel and see and be. Never ever ever. I truly want to live forever and I want everyone I love to live forever. I don’t even think I like living all that much but I think being dead would be so much worse.
#yes this is motivated by fear#terrified of dying#and constantly in fear of the shock you feel when the grief begins again#I don’t even like life but I think I’d hate being dead#I am so a bitch that would freeze my body in hopes of coming back to life#p
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Rengoku-san was so, so close to cutting off Akaza's head, yet Akaza still felt more terror about dawn.
#i'm just#sitting with this#Akaza was stunned by Rengoku's strength yes#but he's seen a lot of Hashira who were ultimate unable to overpower a demon#Rengoku was already clearly dying at that point if he stayed human#Akaza was more worked up about that than his own peril initially#Rengoku was so strong and yet#AND YET#it just goes to show how overwhelming outmatched humans are by nature of being humans#but Rengoku chose this#for him it wasn't about winning and proving his own strength#like what might have motivated easily disheartened Rengoku ancestors#it was about not letting that demon harm anyone else there#hence why Tanjiro dying would have truly meant Rengoku's loss#but despite his hard earned victory#Akaza felt no fear of him#not really#humans just aren't the sun#and this is why the 12 Kizuki are always so stunned when they are defeated#BUT MUZAN DIDN'T TRULY KNOW FEAR UNTIL YORIICHI ANYWAY which goes to show how far a league of his own lonely Yoriichi was#my head is in my hands#things that happen when Mugen Ressha music goes through your head during the work day#rengoku kyojuro#rengoku kyoujurou#akaza
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Currently trying to understand and pinpoint Ron "Slider" Kerner. Who are you Slider... what are your motivations... what are your goals... what is your favourite colour... why are you in the navy...
if anyone has any concrete thoughts about slider... please share them with me... who is this man... do you think he listens to nickelback? or does he think Metallica is the greatest band of all time?
#seriously tho#like i've thought about him obviously#but not to the same extent that i've considered ice and mav (like trying to understand their motivations)#i think he's a november scorpio (which isn't very helpful...) slider does not give a fuck about astrology#he expresses his masculinity in a very intense way (like all the characters do) (“so is my johnson” line)#and he's protective of Ice (“that's mr.iceman to you” and arm around ice's shoulder all the time)#but these traits all exist with being attached to something or something else (the navy and Ice)#so like... who is he.... outside of these people and things..#am i accidently reducing a complex character cuz of my own lack of understanding/similarities with him (my biggest fear)#idk am i overthinking this? yes probably#HELP ME! SOMEONE HELP!#top gun 1986#top gun#ron slider kerner#slider#new challenge: stopthatfool get out of the tags (impossible)
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"quickstart power dynamics ugh" the RACIST ONES? THOSE POWER DYNAMICS?? i'm taking away your guys' toxic yaoi privileges pls pls pls i can't take it anymore pls. toxic yaoi killed my grandma.
#farleigh start#oliver quick#quickstart#i'm tired of pretending that i'm not a hater#i KNOW it's like that mutual power play bs like yes it's a part of canon or whatever but i'm starting to grow fearful#you guys need to address what you find attractive#pls i'm so scared#racially motivated#i fear
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JAMES SPADER as William Ashbury SHADOW OF FEAR (2004), dir. Rich Cowan
#this movie SUCKS. truly so bad don't watch it's not worth it. but he plays an evil lawyer it's really hot <3#so gorgeous. I think the last thing he filmed before joining the practice#jim whispers literally the entire movie it's so funny girl speak up!!!!#james spader#shadow of fear#*#not my fave genre anyway but this did have squandered potential. the concept was there. could've been good#if it was written like 207% better#the stuff with william and his feelings(?) for wynn was SO underplayed.#not just saying that bc i'm a james girlie who wants to see him romancing. actually yes I am!#but idk it could've been great motivation instead it was one scene where he verbalizes it and the rest of the time he's just like 👁️👁️#I wish he was my weird family friend who was maybe in love with me and showed up in my yard talking about treehouses
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my last week, a visual demonstration
#Robin processes emotions on main#hi yes I came back early. it's in order to process. I needed to like.... spill my guts on the dashboard tonight#IM STRUGGLING..#I have GOT to get a job#just one (1) more visit to a friend this summer and then I will be APPLYING for things again#also I'm having the very devil of a time trying to get myself to contribute to this household. I hate it#I hate that helping out makes me feel like I'm losing my agency—losing myself—like I'm dying every time. I want to be BETTER than this#but I also need to feel like an adult with agency but also I need to BEHAVE like an adult but even just saying that makes me feel nauseous#I need. something. to change. I hate this. I feel selfish and cowardly and I hate feeling selfish and cowardly#I need to . communicate. work something out with my mother so that I stop feeling perpetually behind and ashamed#if I could manage to feel good about chores and not just like I'm scrambling to keep up..... that would..... be... more... motivational#the problem is that I feel unsafe/unstable right now and my instinctive response is to close myself off to all demands#WHICH AS YOU CAN IMAGINE IS NOT CONDUCIVE TO BECOMING MORE STABLE.#demand avoidance makes me bad at contributing to the household AND terrified of applying to jobs and AUGH... AUGH.#I DO BETTER WHEN I LIVE ON MY OWN#living on my own‚ I don't have to deal with the whole soul-crushing horrorshow of negotiating my own emotions about doing chores#chores are GOOD and ENJOYABLE when they're for ME. they're only psychological torture when they're things I do as part of my ''rent''#ok. bedtime. I've sufficiently spilled my dang guts all over the place. it will get better eventually I think#I'm just having a horrible time Right Now#I'll figure this out though dangit#I KNOW the answer is to just Do the stuff and face fears and communicate and whatever I KNOW. but if anyone tells me that I'm going to bite#ok I'm done thank you and sorry to anyone reading this far <3 it really will be all right
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Okay, so I know we all hate him, but Mahito is a legitimately brilliant villain...
#He's what happens when the trope of 'Villain just wanting to watch the world burn' is done right.#He's the embodiment of 'Fuck around and find out'.#Does he do morally incomprehensible things? Yes. Is that what makes him such a good bad guy? Also yes.#There's no arguing either...#90% of the fan base can't stand him and if that isn't proof of him being brilliantly written as a villain idk what is.#I think what I like the most about it is that there's no attempt to humanise or moralise him - at all.#He's bad.#Full stop.#And instead of making this reduce his character to one dimension; he's jam packed full of personality instead.#He's fun and carefree and silly - trying to figure out what else he can fuck up in the world.#He still has motivations and wants... Fuck; he even learns fear when he makes the mistake of touching Sakuna.#(This fear is also then his ultimate downfall as we realise it's his most defining trait...)#Also he's super fucking fun to watch in fights; lets be honest.#And his technique is cool as fuck.#Is this me coming out to say I'm kind of down for a bit of Mahito?#- Everyone look away -#Yes. Yes it is.#Is he a horrific; gross little gremlin man that deserves the worst and is probably responsible for killing your fave?#Yes.#Do I want to squish him into a little bottle and keep him on a shelf so I can shake him when I'm annoyed -#and let him out from time to time to have a little fun with?#Also; regrettably; yes.
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I'm probably far from the first person to say this, but you can't tell me that this song doesn't just scream Aventurine, c'mon.
#like. i don't even need to explain it do i. the lyrics are Right There they speak for themselves#aventurine#hsr aventurine#honkai star rail#hsr#Seven.txt#music stuff#panic! at the disco#p!atd#another song + character commentary post wow mayhaps i'll start making more of these but i fear people and their Opinions#but whatever. if i don't distract myself with a silly little tumblr post im gonna have a meltdown so. here. character commentary be upon ye#anyways listening to this and thinking of Aven gives me chills every single time i can't help it#as usual if u disagree feel free to keep that shit to yourself this is just my opinion let me have it in peace#Spotify#'oh but it's too Positive! he's actually miserable inside! he wouldn't embody this song that's just the mask he puts up!!!'#yeah ur right. and who said i wasn't talking about the mask#i'm not saying that this song embodies his truest self necessarily. but i think it does suit Some aspect of him#maybe the side that's trying to keep going. the side that picks him up off the floor and pushes himself out into the world day after day#forcing himself to find whatever scraps of hope he can hold onto. the song doesn't say '*Had* to have high hopes' for no reason#i dunno i'm just spitballin here. there's plenty of ways you can see Aven in this song. if u Want to#if you've never peeled urself off the bathroom floor and washed tears off your face while playing the most upbeat song you can find-#-to try and summon the motivation to keep going in spite of how u just spent 20mins wishing for it all to be over. well#well then u just can't understand my vision here
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Okay fine I give up. I was avoiding isat spoilers so so so bad you would not believe the effort I put in. But I couldn't handle it anymore. And i FUCKING KNEW IT. I KNEW IT. I CAN SMELL THAT SHIT FROM A MILE AWAY
#tide of consciousness#In stars and time I would love to actually finish you one day#Unfortunately I am forgetful and not the best at puzzles that require several tries#And while I respect that having to repeatedly throw yourself at everything is part of the experience#It is sooo hard to sit and actually make progress...#Guys who would not survive the timeloop (me) <- devastated by this#However I will say getting confirmation- despite my fears- has actually super reinvigorated me to keep going#I was avoiding the spoilers bc sometimes my only motivation to play games is to reach a certain point#And in my head figuring out if my suspicions were correct was the biggest reason to keep playing#But surprisingly. Now that I know I'm right . I DESPERATELY need to watch it happen in canon#New goal!!! Yes!!!!!!!!!
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So I just wanted to talk about my Passion Project™
Give you all it's name and summarize it so that there's some kind of baseline for whenever I bring it up again, because it's important to me and I've had the idea for a few years.
It's called "Dino Plateau"
I want to make an RPG farm sim(think harvest moon/story of reasons, stardew valley) but with dinosaurs.
The core theme of the game is simply "Life should be an Adventure".
A lot of that adventure would come from exploring the plateau filled with dinosaurs, and scripted story events with the few townsfolk living there.
I'm using DS-era games as inspiration for a lot of the pixel art style and gameplay.
Though I want the game to ultimately be wholesome (as expected in the farm sim genre), I want it to be free to touch on darker topics typically associated with dino media, like survival, injury, and death.
I'm opting out on making romanceable characters, to focus more on just having decent character writing regardless. (people will just have to use their imaginations for self-shipping)(and I bet it will be better than whatever I would have written)
Anyway, it's definitely a remix of a lot of preexisting game ideas, but it would be my remix, my vision. So I'm excited about it! Regardless of how far it gets :)
#yes i am aware that this is the same base idea for a 3d indie game that released recently.#props to them i still need to check it out bc it looks adorable#postmadders#dino plateau#my biggest 'one fear' irt this would be if i overshared my ideas and someone stole them and implemented it all for a quick buck :')#which i'll be honest i have NO idea how rational that fear is. i feel like this concept is such a winner tho.#like IM convinced that done properly this would make bank. not my Main motive BUT it would motivate theft.#and like i would have zero means to do a thing about it#anyway thats largely why im /trying/ to keep it a relatively private thing u_u#if i ever really get it going then ill start hyping it on social media. but rn it is in a fragile early state
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Sidenote I was never her biggest fan but whenever I see someone talk abt dahlia hawthorne as if she's some evil seductress who breaks hearts for fun I feel the intense urge to hit them with hammers. Fucker can you read????
#waves my hand at The Fawles Business!!!!! hello???????????#pretty much every mention of fawles i see is (rightfully) condemning him#but often ppl dont connect that to dahlia as like. a character. theyre just like ew a creep good thing hes not relevant#happy and well 14yo girls dont frame their adult tutor who theyre 'in a relationship with' and send them to death row#and they certainly dont jump into a river KNOWN for tearing bodies to pieces in hopes of running away from home!!!#all the murders she attempts are motivated by a fear of her past being revealed!#valerie was going to tell fawles about her betrayal which would have set him out looking for revenge against her#fawles died to a suicide pact he initiated with her (again when she was FOURTEEN) rest in shit fucknuts#she poisoned diego because he was asking too many questions#and she accidentally killed doug while aiming for phoenix because he kept showing people evidence that indicted her#is she spiteful? YES! but not in a maneater way!#she HATES mia (and the rest of the feys by extension) for FINALLY CATCHING HER!#and THAT is what drives her participation in the hazakura plot!#like im not an apologist or whatevs. shes treats iris horrifically and she is very cruel when shes cornered#but the idea that shes some sort of praying mantis type is wildly inaccurate#the presence of romance only starts when shes groomed by a grown fucking man who makes a suicide pact with her#(and like u could say she was manipulating him or covering her bases and wouldnt have done it herself but THAT IS STILL CONCERNING!!)#and she lives a normal fucking life UNTIL valerie intervenes and makes her scared that that life is going to collapse!#anyway all this to say dahlia hawthorne get behind me
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i would love to do a really long essay about food conspiracies and fatphobia
#the conspiracies are so easy to arrive at because those engaging in the conspiracy don't accept that the burden of proof is on them#see that one tiktok where someone was like 'i was told i was gluten intolerant in the usa and when i got to europe and tried bread there...#... my 'gluten intolerance' disappeared 🙄 because of pesticides and chemicals in the usa'#when the answer is just that europe has different wheat#ultimately this is pretty innocuous but the 'they're trying to make us fat I Mean Unhealthy' narrative#is so fucking rampant and just serves to give social media users righteous anger against something that isn't a real problem.#while at the same time the us government and corporations are actually doing way worse shit?#we're getting concrete evidence of the extreme price gouging that chains have been engaging in for the past 4 or 5 years#but user1294042569 is pissed because there's gmos in lunchables#same narrative as 'ooohgsbfghh usa portion sizes are so BIG' yes because of the great depression.#like literally its just that more food for less money is seen as more desirable especially when money is tight#and it became seen as a distinctly usamerican thing as the usa was building its own image and trying to prosper after the great depression#finally every one of these narratives has an undercurrent of 'this is why people are sooo fat'#usually from people who don't know what the main cause of fatness is (fucking genetics)#and actively fear fatness because of. idk theres a multi billion dollar diet industry that i remember seeing ads for in kindergarten#please let me make this video essay aughhhh#< i dont need permission i just need motivation which is not happening any time ever
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second hardest part of writing sanguo is that my kiwi upbringing means i have 0 respect for authority and cannot resist the urge to take the piss out of Important Historical Figures. if i edit something more than twice it inevitably dissolves into a monty python sketch.
#yuan shao n shu tell me about how u came from the wealthiest most prestigious northern family in Han and lost it all in half a decade bc#u and ur failsons got into the worlds dumbest succession battle instead of presenting a unified front to ur enemies#dong zhuo: i fear no man#narrator: HERE COMES DADDY SUN WITH THE STEEL CHAIRRRRRRR#cao cao: i will avenge my father#cool motive! still a crime against humanity tho!#san guo#liu bei: look dead women in wells passing out imperial seals is no basis for a functioning government. my right to rule comes from my royal#bloodline and mandate from heaven. do not look into that btw#yes my alleged royal ancestor had like 100 sons. so what. if anything the statistics are actually in my favour!
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currently thinking abt the despair disease and the character analysis potential it brings
#literally the best motive in the whole franchise <3333#i regularly think abt how it affected komaeda. he got the fucking Liar Disease#why? because he is completely and fully sincere in everything he does#he lies occasionally yes but overall he is honest and hides nothing#he’s an incredibly earnest person. that’s what makes him so scary#and it’s also why the liar disease would be the perfect source of despair for him. makes a lot of sense#personally i don’t believe that despair disease gives you the ‘opposite’ trait#just a trait you would hate to have or is very uncharacteristic of you#i mainly think that bc the opposite of ibuki isn’t ‘gullible.’ but she probably doesn’t like listening to others (punk and eccentric)#so the gullible disease that forces her to always believe what she’s told is despair inducing#and akane! obviously she’s very good at compartmentalizing#she never seems to show fear. ever!#as such the coward disease is Mortifying. she hates being anxious and she hates showing it even more. literal hell i’ve been there girlie#so overall. i think it’s a great way to analyze a character#obvi with komaeda it’s an EXCELLENT analysis tool bc it’s basically a roundabout truth serum#if everything you say is a lie then all you need to do is reverse it and that’s the full genuine truth#so we get confirmation of things with him. like his desire for companionship. and his genuine distress when he wants to tell everyone to be#hopeful but all he can say is ‘despair’- he gets so worked up about it that he collapses#i also like to imagine what it would have been like with other characters#what would hajime have? i’ve seen an honesty disease. i’ve also seen a happy disease#both are great. i think he has a good few options#personally though i think the thing that would stress him out a Ton would be an affectionate disease#not in like a silly friend ‘i hug everyone’ way#but in a ‘tells everyone specifically what qualities he admires about them and is vulnerable to others’ way#i think he’d be MORTIFIED. haji’s a very blunt snarky person#and he does have a lot of affection for his friends but it’s mostly shown in a teasing manner#he’s also quite closed off about his own insecurities. AND he finds komaeda incredibly offputting#to wake up one day and start both genuinely making himself vulnerable and praising everyone nagito-style would actualky be hell for him#maybe call it the admiration disease. or affectionate disease depends on ur perspective#other character have interesting possibilities too (even dr1 + v3) but I Care Hinata so. he gets spotlight for a sec
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[image description: a comparison of luke skywalker in 'the last jedi' to maverick mitchell in 'top gun: maverick'. under a picture of luke, there is a list of traits that read:
old luke:
old and grumpy
nothing like the real luke
gives up on the jedi
ridiculed
refuses to train rey
sad and pathetic
won't fight
dies for nohing
under a picture of maverick, there is a list of traits that read:
old maverick:
older and wiser
same core character
still believes in top gun
respected
trains new pilots
jaded but inspiring
fights despite the odds
puts his life on the line
end id.]
listen i hate rian johnson and the last jedi as much as the next guy but this post Just Ain't It
#top gun: maverick#the last jedi#first of all if you're gonna talk shit about tlj don't compare apples to oranges to prove your point#mav and luke are completely different characters with completely different motivations#'ridiculed' by whom?? exactly?? if anything mav is the one ridiculed he's literally thrown out of the bar by his own students#and cyclone makes a point of saying he wouldn't piss on mav if he was on fire#whereas luke is respected and feared by Everyone in the galaxy#'sad and pathetic' i hate what rian did with luke's history with kylo too but like can you blame luke for being sad??#and how is he pathetic exactly??#'still believes in top gun' what the fuck does this even mean#mav believes in himself and his wingman and his kids Not in the system#'won't fight' luke very much did fight tho?? that was a thing that happened??#he literally astral projected and fought the first order at the cost of his own life??#(yes that was a stupid way for luke to go out but you can't say he didn't fight.)#second of all if you're gonna criticize rian and tlj Do It Right#talk about him completely sidelining all the characters of color in favor of making the white fascist villain more sympathetic#or rey's entire personality narrowing down to 'kylo can be saved!!' literally five canon minutes after kylo killed han#and then tried to kill finn (for which rey almost killed kylo)#or rose teaching finn (a former stormtrooper) about the cruelty of the first order like he didn't know Full Well firsthand??#or the fact that rian was so invested in telling His Story he tossed everything jj gave him in the trash#even tho it threw a wrench into the narrative and everyone's characterizations and thereby fubar'd the sequel trilogy#also you mean to tell me the man who was so kind and forgave darth vader would've been tempted to kill his own nephew (even for a second)?#I Don't Think So#good characterization shat on because rian and kathy kennedy wanted to make kylo the byronic tragic hero or whatever#which is why it's so shocking that rian wrote knives out and glass onion. apparently he Can give characters of color depth.#he just didn't want to for john boyega and kelly marie tran and oscar isaac.#which. again. is why he's on my eternal shitlist.#my stuff#anti rian johnson#tlj critical
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Istg I haven't written since MIDDLE SCHOOL why do I keep getting bombarded with good ideas that I only I can write 😭😭😭😭😭
#just had a bunch of ideas to fix the yellow lantern jess concept and have it function as a concrete and vital step in her character arc#(of the same importance of power ring)#and just like the image of a scene where the sinestro corps is attacking a planet for some reason or another inspiring fear (and maybe for a#decent reason bc jess needs SOME motive to stay with them but STILL fear bad)#and shes trying to make them stop but theyre not stopping. and then the GLC shows up and starts fighting the YLC.#and jess is trying to get it to stop but no one is listening to her#like none of the earth lanterns are there no kne she knows#although maybe arisia and other gls WE know pretty well are there. i think arisia should get to go one on one w sinestro as leaders of both#forces. ANYWAYS jess is trying to get it to stop and protect the people (who are TERRIFIED of her) but no one is stopping#anyways something something green lanterns are dying and instead of going out into space their rings start going towards jess#like it starts with just one and shes shocked then two then three and she starts talking with them denying her place with them until its a#whole CLOUD of rings (uhhh nevermind the corps just dying here sorry 😬. no one we care abt though)#anyways and then something buzzes and ripples from underneath her suit#she lets it free and its HER ring tied around her neck#and shes like not you too and the ring is like yes me too and says its not about not being afraid its about OVERCOMING fear#and just like idk. i could fix her (yellow lantern jess arc)#dc hire me asap#hopefully this makes sense. again i have not read those comics yet other than a good amt of panels BUT#im reading her power ring era right now and like... its all coming together#anyways anyways thinking about jess a LOT tonight#95% of those posts are in my drafts though#including my super long YL!Jess character arc meta which this is deeply related too#but we're not talking abt that right now swishy!!!! you are SUPPOSED to be doing your spanish project due tomorrow at midnight which you#have barely started!!!!#its study time not superhero plot bunny time!!!!!#blah#swishy writing#swishy aus#nothing in the post itself but the tags deserve these tags
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