#yes this is an extremely silly problem to complain about

[green-and-mean]

Being super hot & sexy is so difficult, I just want to have a peek at people's dating profiles without constantly getting matches if I like someone, like I don't want to text you yet please i want to know my options first

[buggachat]

adrien never went to public school / adrienette have never met AU where Ladynoir are dating but Marinette has beef with Adrien Agreste™ on twitter, spurred by her interest in the fashion industry and her friendship with Mylene. ads are all over the place of Adrien promoting products like air in a bottle and NFTs and just generally so many products that are extremely poor taste/bad for the environment. Marinette tweets about beauty standards in the industry and all the shit Gabriel brand does to the environment and how Adrien Agreste perfectly encapsulates it all.

Adrien, of course, never responds to any of her tweets. her tweets are just white noise in the background. she is nowhere near on his level. one day Marinette tweets out something akin to "if I saw Adrien Agreste irl i'd punch him in the face" and her twitter gets banned for Threats of Violence, Alya draws attention to the injustice of it via the Ladyblog and suddenly "I want to punch Adrien Agreste in the face [gets banned]" becomes a bit of a meme. NOW people know who Marinette is and are listening to what she's saying (on her new account or whatever). Chat Noir also tweets that he wants to punch Adrien in the face

A hashtag trends. Marinette caves and starts tweeting about the scandals of the industry on her Ladybug twitter too. Adrien's twitter and instagram comments are flooded with both threats to punch him but also just generally critical comments like "nice pic and all but are you not going to address the sweatshop allegations?". Adrien still does not address it. At most he turns comments off. Marinette is gnawing at the wood of her desk.

Then a Ladybug and Chat Noir identity reveal happens.

Marinette is stunned. Absolutely mouth agape. Cannot form words. Chat Noi— NO, ADRIEN— ADRIEN FUCKING AGRESTE looks at her and is like "oh ha :) .... Marinette Dupain-Cheng, right? You're the girl who wanted to punch me hahaha"

after recovering from her world being shattered, she's like...... "hahaha...... um............... yeah...... uh..... so you... DO know who i am. and you're just. ignoring it then. hahaha... ok... thats....... fine..... anyway..... u-uh...... im not... gonna actually punch you. but. um. k-kitty do you um. maybe want to stop promoting deforestation and all that"

he's like "I don't"

she's like. "yes you do. literally in your newest ad you said to the camera 'who needs trees when bottled air is the way of the future'. like did you really read that line out loud and not see a problem with it"

"yeah, that wasn't me"

"what are you talking abou—"

"it's deepfaked"

"..... what"

"all of my ads in the past few years are deepfakes. I complained too much so my father fired me. turns out that i signed away all rights to my face and voice to him when I was 13 or something. he can just use my face and voice and name however he wants. he generates ads. i dont even have access to the 'Adrien Agreste' twitter or insta accounts. sometimes he makes me do runways but beyond that I'm not involved in all."

"... ... ... ... ... what"

"yeah haha... :") im sorry. i wish i could help you more. but he never listens to me. i don't like it either, i.... i've asked him to stop sooo many times. but he never listens to me. i hate seeing my face used without my consent but haha.... i don't... have any rights here so. sorry. i really wish i could help more"

and now marinette hates "Adrien Agreste"™ ads/posts EVEN MORE and is threatening to kill Gabriel Agreste himself. all while kissing the real adrien agreste silly

[nogenderbee]

DAMN FINALLY REQUEST ARE OPEN!! Can I get the Astral Express crew with an extremely fatigue reader? I'm also really fatigue and I even struggle with going from point A to point B even if its like from my room to the kitchen.

Omg yes!!! So happy to do some Star Rail for a change!! Also help why do I relate- Like I'm trying to do silly little PJSK dances so my condition won't be this bad but omg it's still not great... But here it is! Hope you like it vodka <3

Also sorry for Himeko and Welt being a bit shorter-

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ 𝔽����𝕥𝕚𝕘𝕦𝕖 ₊˚ˑ༄

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ March, Dan Heng, Himeko, Welt with fatigue!reader

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ fluff but can be read as platonic too!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ @miya-akane (not tagging you since you'll get notification either way)

✧ I feel like March would somehow relate to your problem... I know she had LOTS of energy in game but just listen to me!!

✧ she's not necessarily fatigue but she is a bit lazy after long adventure where walking around Express can be hard for her

✧ so she'll never make you walk and let you sit down whenever you need! If you're with others, she'll offer to wait for you even if they prefer to keep walking for whatever reason

✧ she also rambles or keeps the conversation going so you can forget about tiredness a bit and so the time passes quicker

✧ if you were getting into trouble by your condition, she definitely did protests-

✧ anyway, if you want to get your condition up, she definitely knows a lot of fun ways and will do her best to help you find something for you!

✧ when both of you are after adventure, you may as well be sitting in the same room, refusing to go out so someone has to bring you food so you won't starve yourselves-

"C'mon it's finally time to take a break from all this walking! I'm sure others can wait and we get to talk a bit more~"

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

✧ Dan Heng wad actually a bit mean the first time you felt too tired to walk...

✧ he'd complain that you're slow and that you're just slacking him down but he quickly feels bad and depending on how close you are, he either offers to sit down for a bit or to carry you for a while!

✧ but don't get used to being carried as he'll do it for 5 minutes max and then he puts you back down so you can walk by yourself

✧ he's definitely getting softer as the time passes tho!

✧ he'd try to drag you out of your room as much as possible so you can get your condition up but if you're stubborn person and simply refuse to, he'll eventually give up

✧ definitely tried convincing you to get out with things like "if you won't get out you won't get dinner" but if you won't get out, he'll bring dinner to you in the end because he doesn't want you to starve...

✧ even tho you prefer to stay indoors, he won't usually stay with you as he does have to walk around as Trabilazer so there's a high chance of him not being by your side most of the time...

"C'mon hurry up already. I carried you literally 5 seconds ago, you can walk for at least 2 minutes..."

Why he so mean idk ToT he just seems like that

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

✧ Himeko would actually be caring towards you!! She'd try her best to understand if you don't want to move much

✧ she stays in Express for most of the time herself so she'll most likely be around you when others are gone exploring and so

✧ has no problem bringing you food, she just wants to make sure you stay healthy!

✧ but she does try to get your condition up by encouraging you to at least take small walk around Express with her and may even offer you your favorite sweet as treat for doing good job!

✧ she honestly is the type to not care much as long as you stay happy and healthy

✧ she often stays in the Express but if you'd want to go on adventure, she'll be more than happy to go with you!

✧ she's pretty supportive during it too, maybe she won't necessarily carry you but she sits down along you whenever you feel like taking a little break

"Hey, since others are gone walking around Jarilo VI, how about we take a small walk?"

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

✧ Welt would most likely scold you for not taking care of yourself and explain how it's important for you to move at least once a day and so

✧ he'll still bring you food tho! Just be prepared for small scolding every time he enters...

✧ definitely tried getting you out of your room and even on expeditions by suggesting going to your favorite cafe on the way or so

✧ if he does manage to get you out for adventure, his scolding actually stops and he's pretty supportive!

✧ he'll let you rest whenever you need and even often drop some "I'm proud of you"s since he sees you're trying your best

✧ trust me when I say he'd love to carry you to help you out but I feel like he has a back of old men so he can't-

✧ instead he'll sit down with you whenever you need and maybe bring you some water or so to calm down

"You're doing a good job, don't give it up, alright? It's alright to take a break so ask for it whenever you need."

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

[ptn-imagines]

hii !! could I request some headcanons with raven and an affectionate reader please? thank you for your hard work 🤲

(sneaks in some autistic Raven headcanons)

Raven with an affectionate Reader

You're a really affectionate partner? Yes please! Raven is definitely not going to complain.

Raven loves affection. Of all kinds. She likes to receive it pretty much 24/7 and likes to rib you gently about how she's dying from lack of affection if you leave her alone for so much as an hour.

Of course, Raven respects your boundaries, and knows when not to joke, as well. She'll always give a heartfelt apology if she crosses a line. Of course, sometimes it's so grand it can come off insincere, but… that's just Raven being Raven! You know she really means it.

So, yeah. Super affectionate? No problem for Raven. She loves it. Heck, it'll probably make her a lot more affectionate too, because she tends to subconsciously mirror her loved ones. And Raven was pretty affectionate already, so you can imagine what she's like now.

As a poet, a lot of people would assume that Raven likes to express her affection through the written word. They wouldn't be wrong – if you're dating Raven, you should expect endless prose about all the beautiful and admirable things about you. Her talent for sensationalism can bring a boost to even the lowest of egos, as you can't help but believe what she's espousing about you.

However, Raven also has a definite love for physical affection, too. She's a lot stronger than she appears – the perks of being an S-Rank Sinner. She loves, loves, loves to cuddle, and she'll greet you after every work day by picking you up and spinning you.

She likes the combination of bridal carrying you while spouting some silvery poetry of her adoration. That's Raven for you!

Sleepy Raven is even more cuddly, if you can believe it. Raven tends to focus extremely intently on projects that have her attention, be it poems or student papers, forgetting to eat and sleep…

…and that means that when she comes out of her state of hyperfocus, she crashes hard. If you can, she likes to be carried to bed; in either case, make sure to hold Raven tightly in your arms until she falls asleep. And then go to sleep yourself. She likes to be the little spoon in times like these.

If she can't get away with her human form due to current circumstances, sometimes Raven will perch on your shoulder as a bird and nuzzle against you. You should probably discourage this habit, but no matter how many times you tell yourself that, you never do, because Raven is just too damn cute and you love her silly little ways of being affectionate with you.

Even if Raven herself can't be present, you can always count on a crow being somewhere nearby. She's clingy alright, but she's also looking out for you in this way.

Also, Raven loves to shower and bathe with you! It's nothing sexual, she just enjoys the physical intimacy of the moment. And she's totally willing to wash your hair as long as you wash hers in return.

However, you should always be careful when touching her back. It's riddled with scars, old and new, and they tend to hurt more than Raven lets on. Still, as long as you're gentle about it, she's amenable to letting you put ointments on her scars – a good habit to get into, as Raven herself is too grandiose and prideful to ask.

Of course, Raven, with her pain temporarily soothed, gets even more affectionate, somehow… Not that you're complaining.

[marigoldbaker]

I dont know your girls, but tell us 17. how do they celebrate their birthday?

HI THANKS !!! <33

marigold keeps trying to con people out of remembering that it’s her birthday because she can’t handle positive attention despite craving it constantly and she doesn’t want people to go out of their way for her despite also craving that constantly. so she will be that girl going “oh i don’t want a celebration!!!!! it’s fine!!!!” when she actually kinda does lowkey but has 87 psychological problems. her mom and sisters have danced this dance for 12 years though so they very patiently ignore her when she does this and just put on a really cute and small party (family only, plus jaheira’s kids every so often) with an exorbitant amount of really silly gifts. sofie’s gifts are always new drafts of magic recipes inspired by marigold and they always make marigold extremely emotional.

evie uhhhhh . Oh man. does she even know when her birthday is? her mind is kinda soup by the time canon happens. i think when she finds it out again she’s probably supremely indifferent and astarion is like GODS i have to do EVERYTHING around here and figures out a way to throw her an extremely extravagant party on ye olde brother’s credit card. she does in fact ditch this party with him to sit on the roof and throw hunks of birthday cake at all the fancy guests he invited. ideal times for evie

birthdays are a little hard on roslin with her family in another city, so the actual date she was born is a family only secret bc she gets a little twitchy if customers start wishing her a happy birthday. the bakery ladies put on a much more lowkey version of the marigold party (the nice wine is brought out and everyone makes something fun for dinner) and everyone gives ros a single present that she probably cries over for like 10 minutes. very sweet.

lenora’s birthday is some sort of deranged affair because when she was 9 and moved to live with thea she refused to admit she had a birthday, so thea had to use all of her governmental connections to figure out norie’s birthday and subsequently figure out how to sneak attack norie with a celebration. her version of a sneak attack was probs just a surprise cake but she explained the concept to ros and mari and they got. Overzealous. so every year the bakery ladies act like they’ve forgotten norie’s birthday, they don’t remember norie’s birthday, and then WHAM someone dumps an industrial tub of confetti on lenora while she’s trying to go into the kitchen (which marigold has used illusory magic to turn into a giant ballroom full of presents.) norie LOVES THIS bc she gets to complain and moan and pretends she hates it and also she gets presents and the attention of her sisters. Wins across the board.

thea wasn’t planning to mention her birthday to anyone, but her daughters asked jaheira about it. jaheira actually already knew when it was, which thea did NOT know about because jaheira has never gotten her anything for her birthday and paired it with an actual verbal “happy birthday,” so when every other year or two jaheira would randomly give her a new weapon or some rare ingredients on her birthday & then immediately leave, she’d just be like. Does she know??? no she can’t. But does she????

the girls like surprising thea but ros and mari have zero subtlety. norie COULD pull off a surprise but really doesn’t care enough to try bc she knows thea is expecting it every year. they like to take thea for a picnic by the chionthar with a bunch of her favorite pastries (that she taught them to make) and goof around and talk about all the fun stuff they got up to over the last year. all of thea’s presents are always handmade (mari usually makes her a long term preservable snack that is both magical and delicious, norie embroiders her something, ros also embroiders her something which is a real labor of love because ros fucking hates embroidery and is very bad at it).

[tanadrin]

i mean, just because a group is so mad a subset of it gets organized into a gang of extremely violent asshats doesn't necessarily mean that you could stop that subset from organizing by being more conciliatory towards their parent group. like, the tulsa race massacre couldn't have been stopped by the US being *more* white supremacist.

and yes, those aren't the same thing, totally different power balances, one side had nothing whatsoever to legitimately complain about, sure, sure, i agree. i still think it's kinda silly to say terrorists, be they in the right or not, can always be stopped by placation.

How and why do you think terrorist groups appear in the first place? The IRA appeared because when Northern Irish Catholics tried to protest unfair treatment, the British army shot the protesters. The ETA appeared because Francoist Spain banned minority languages and tried to suppress minority cultures. The LTTE was motivated by Sinhalese mob violence against Sri Lankan Tamils.

These sorts of terrorist groups do not spring out of the ether motivated by unknowable grievances! Very frequently, they are specifically a reaction to political progress by any other means being stymied. You don’t have to “placate” them, but you cannot destroy them so long as you refuse to engage with the underlying problem in the first place.

Israeli soldiers could kill every member of Hamas tomorrow, and some group would probably arise to fill in the vacuum, because Palestinians are denied meaningful self-determination, and are subject to harassment and arbitrary arrest and torture. Hamas sucks, sure, but that’s the risk you run when you try to destroy civil society among an oppressed group—all the options for politics expression are going to by definition be extremist!

I don’t know what the analogy you’re trying to draw with white supremacy in the US here is. It seems hopelessly confused. White supremacists weren’t a marginalized interest group in US politics in the first half of the 20th century. They were the dominant mainstream. The US is in fact extraordinarily lucky the civil rights movement had a large and successful nonviolent component, but the whole reason that was possible had to do with a pretty rare confluence of circumstances that don’t easily translate to other similar conflicts.

[vampire-plays-sims]

Many people have that one person in their family they simply cannot stand. This type of person doesn’t even have to be cruel or extremely stupid, but there is just something about them that makes you roll your eyes uncontrollably every time you see them. For Charlotte, such a person was her brother-in-law: Joseph Harris.

Again, Joseph may not have been the nicest person, but he also wasn't someone who could be compared to evil stepmothers mistreating some orphans. (Which was a bit annoying, because since Charlotte had to be an orphan, she could at least be a tragic fictional character.)

But no, honestly speaking Joseph Harris was only slightly stupid and very annoying. And now he was talking to the headmaster, while Charlotte was anxiously waiting for him to leave the office and take her home, where she would probably be lectured about her behavior.

“Thank you, Mr. Phillips. And I am once again sorry for her behavior. No, no. Do not worry. My wife and I understand your decision perfectly. Maybe she will learn some good manners at home and the stupidity will disappear from her mind. Have a good day.” Charlotte tensed a bit when she heard Joseph's voice, and then she saw her brother-in-law leaving the office. At the same moment, Emma grabbed her arm, pulling her towards her, and Charlotte exactly knew what she wanted her to do. Both girls smiled, forming a unity against the men.

“Mr. Harris” Emma started. “Good to see you. Is that a new hat? Very lovely!”

The man frowned.

For some unknown reason, Joseph had a really strong opinion on modern hats – he always complained they did not suit his face and felt annoyed at every compliment about hats. Or maybe he just hated hats. Emma knew this very well, of course, but he had no idea about it.

“Yes, thank you” he sighed, clearly tired with this whole situation. “Charlotte, let's go. We have a train and I've already wasted enough time because of your ideas.”

Charlotte looked at Emma and hugged her tightly.

“Emma…” she started, but her friend stopped her.

“Don't say goodbye. We will see each other again. We will always be friends, right?”

“Always” agreed Charlotte, holding back tears. “I will write letters to you. I promise.”

Emma smiled, and hugged her one more time.

“Great. I have to go to class now. But I'll see you soon. And remember. I will always be there for you.”

“Youthful friendships are so silly,” said Joseph when Emma finally left. “In two years, you probably won't remember who she was, but now you're acting like the world is ending."

Charlotte rolled her eyes. Why on earth was he so annoying? Unfortunately he did not stop talking.

"Come on now. You already caused us too many problems. I don't want to miss the train because of you”

But Charlotte didn't feel like leaving. Was this really the end of her story here? It was too soon. She wanted to go to another class. Spend time with Emma and Bessie. Talk to a few other people. Ask Mrs. Thomson why she didn't say anything when she was accused of lying. Unfortunately, it was too late for that.

With tears in her eyes, Charlotte left the school.

Previous / Next

[attackfish]

I know this is a controversial take in this fandom, but I actually don't think Legend of Korra did Katara dirty. Like I see a lot of people who complain about the fact that she didn't have a statue, and she never became Southern Water Tribe chief, and she was just the Avatar's wife, and was just a healer, and like I don't know what show these people were watching.

No, Katara never became chief, nor did she ever express a desire to be chief in any of her appearances. Yes, she was the Avatar's wife. Yes, she was a healer. But like, what do we actually see of Katara's life in the Southern Water Tribe after the war?

We see Katara as a master healer and waterbender, clearly well respected by the Order of the White Lotus, and training the next Avatar. We also see her in an extremely well appointed rehabilitative therapy center, that is implied to be hers, working with Korra. Korra talks about learning healing from Katara, who is one of if not the best waterbending healer in the world, and we see Katara's state of the art rehabilitative medicine center. This is how Katara chose to use her skills, in a way that is completely separate from being Aang's wife. And given how lovely and either new or well taken care of everything looks, I would argue that she probably isn't even retired. We are shown her as a world renowned rehabilitative medicine expert at the top of her game.

And the field of rehabilitative medicine is such an interesting choice for her. Rehabilitative medicine is the field of helping people who have been severely injured not only heal, but gain the skills to have the best lives possible after their injuries. It's something that somebody like Katara who wants to do the most good would absolutely be drawn to as a healer after the war, since both people who had fought in the war, and non-combatants, would have the kinds of grievous injuries that would benefit from rehabilitative medicine. Given the state of healing and technology at the end of the war, Katara might even have been a major pioneer in the field, in fact I think we're meant to read that as the case.

Katara as we see her in the show is not opposed to being a healer. She just doesn't want to be denied the ability to fight when she and her friends are facing conquest, death, and danger, and her people are facing elimination. After the war, Katara would do what she always has done, and look for ways to help. Once the fighting is over, the Katara we see in the show would embrace healing and helping the war wounded rebuild their lives.

Heck, we actually see her with a patient, Korra, who was injured in battle, and she's clearly very practiced at dealing both with the physical parts of recovery and the psychological. Katara has always wanted to help her people, and there were few things her people needed more after the war, than someone willing and able to treat the victims of the war.

I think the reason so many people see Katara's career in healing is because of a fantasy media tradition of healing being the weak, girly magic given to the designated girl of the group, secondary and even silly next to fighting. But that't not what we're shown in the show. That's something brought in from outside, and I think if we ignore this negative connotation that healing has in the fantasy genre, it becomes obvious that a better comparison for katara's career path is that of head of orthopedic medicine at a world class hospital, who volunteers with Doctors Without Borders.

I got a lot of problems with Legend of Korra, but I think they handled Katara pretty dang well.

[britswriting]

Devotion (23)

Devotion Masterlist

Read on Wattpad

Warnings: Sexual content - I didn't make it extremely detailed, because if I do that it ends up being 2k words...

*Leighton's POV*

Walking back through our apartment door felt like a slap in the face. I expected to immediately get into pack mode and start figuring out logistics; and yet here I was, no new house to prepare for, no concrete plans to think about. I felt stuck; it was infuriating.

Christmas began approaching with no news about us possibly moving and I was starting to lose hope. We really lost our dream home, and I can't imagine how we're supposed to replace that feeling. Having to start from scratch felt like a stab in the back for all my hopes and dreams.

"Got your bag, kiddo?" I called out, Gemma walking out of the bathroom to come put on her shoes.

"Oh no!" She fretted, racing to her room.

I giggled, loving the sound of her little voice as her feet slapped against the hardwood floor. I swiped my phone and keys off the side table, Gemma coming back with her bag over her shoulders. 

She looked like she was ready to go off to school causing my heart to clench.

Gemma bent over, velcroing her shoes as I snickered to myself watching her backpack almost topple over her head.

"Mommy help!" She whined, fed up as she tossed her foot in the air towards me, the velcro straps flopping.

"Baby, set your bag on the ground, then velcro your shoes. You're a big girl, you can do it. Daddy's waiting on you, let's go" I rushed, needing to get to Gabe's in time for my midwife appointment.

Gemma talked my ear off the entire way to her father's; running up to his door and jumping to ring the bell, greeting Zara with just as much enthusiasm, happily saying goodbye to me and practically leaving me in her dust as I walked back to my car.

I was happy she was happy with her father, but it still felt weird dropping her off and not picking her up for a few days. She was growing up and it was terrifying.

Colby met up with me at my midwife appointment, ending a phone call before greeting me with a kiss, "Ready to see our baby girl?" he asked, lacing our hands together.

"I'm ready to see how much she's grown" I replied, yanking the door open, cold hair hitting me in the face.

"Ms. Fox?" A bright new smiley face beamed from the front desk.

"Can't wait for the day it's Mrs. Brock" Colby murmured to me as I began to check into our appointment, a silly smile spreading around my face as I sided eyed him before focusing back on the papers.

"Claire should be out in a minute" The woman, Becky— reads her nametag, informed. 

Colby and I sat, Colby immediately pulling out his phone to scroll through Instagram, liking posts here and there before opening his text messages.

My eyes rolled as I sighed, quietly complaining, "You know, not to be that girl, but can you get off your phone and talk to me please? This is supposed to be like an important experience for us, and I feel like you're just here because you have to be" I expressed, the nervous butterflies running rampant in my stomach.

Colby glanced at me as I spoke, his thumb clicking the off button, "I didn't know you wanted me to constantly fill the silence" 

Is he serious? 

"Yes Colby. That's my fricken problem. I can't sit in fricken silence." I groused, turning to face him, "Are you for real? Is it really a big problem for me to want your attention? You know, I recall claiming I wanted date nights and shit when we got back together and look at us now" I huffed.

Am I stupid to think he actually means it when he says he wants this? I swear we agree on one thing and do another. I don't know how else to communicate with this man then bluntly telling him what I want, or need; yet here I am, pregnant with his child and it feels like he'd rather be somewhere else completely.

"I've been busy" He tried to defend, a defeated sigh leaving my lips.

"Yep" is all I said before Claire came and got us, leading us back to the room. 

Colby stared as I went through the motions; even when my shirt was resting under my breasts as she measured my belly, just stared. No comments on the baby, on me, not voicing anything. Just his blue beady eyes staring at me like he had fully checked out and got lost in Colby land.

It wasn't until our daughter was on the screen that he made comments, things like "Look at her hand moving" and "She yawned!"  cooing over our daughter; it definitely made my ovaries think about how I could maybe keep doing this for him. We got our ultrasound photos, set up our next appointment and Colby asked, "Are we going back to the apartment and taking one vehicle to lunch?" Checking in, twirling his car keys around his finger as we walked.

"That's the plan" I replied, hopeful that this would be like a reconnecting date for us. Something I know we would gratefully benefit from. 

No phones. No work. Just us, eating lunch, talking together, enjoying eachothers company.

~

"Your burger and fries," The waitress placed a plate in front of Colby, "and your grilled cheese and tomato soup" she slid the plate and bowl in front of me. "Can I get you anything else?"

"I'm good, you?" I eyed Colby, Colby kindly dismissing the waitress. 

I dipped my grilled cheese before taking a bite, Colby swirling his straw in his soda cup, followed by a drink.

"Do you think I should just give birth in California? I mean, what is the likeness of us finding a house, moving and settling in by the time this baby is born? Especially with a home birth..." I sighed, "I really want to have a home birth, but I feel like every sign is pointing towards it being a bad idea. We literally don't have a place to do it and I'm due in April" I stressed.

With my dad's house having been sold and him temporarily moving in with Logan and Cynthia, I was feeling the pressure of figuring this whole house thing out even more.

Not only was I hitting nesting mode with no nest to prepare, but I was very aware of the calendar days ticking by. This baby had to come out at some point and we were nowhere near prepared. 

"Isn't it too late to decide to do a hospital birth?" Colby questioned, not at all making me feel any better about how short our string was getting.

"Is it ever too late? Can't you just show up to the ER in labor and say, GET OUT OF MY WAY, I'M HAVING A BABY" I whisper yelled, Colby chuckling with a head shake.

"That's exactly how Gemma went. I remember it vividly" he teased, popping a fry in his mouth.

"Oh shut up" I scoffed, snickering, taking another bite of my grilled cheese. "I can't believe I'm back in the situation of having a baby with no plan. I really thought things would be different this time. I had such high hopes for that house.. and I can't believe it slipped through our fingers just like that" I snapped my fingers, huffing.

"You have a plan." He credited, "It just isn't going to plan. Like most labor and deliveries"

My eyes rolled, "Shut up. Now is not the time for an I told you so. Am I just going to shove this baby out in our apartment bathroom? Might as well be on a public bus" I grouched.

"We'll figure it out, Leighton" He reassured, taking another bite of his burger.

"When?" I snapped, "When I'm dripping fluids and in severe pain? Because I think by then it's too late to figure it out" My eyes narrowed. 

"We can always move after she's born" Colby suggested.

"But that wasn't the plan" I whined, my face scrunched up at the idea of trying to move halfway across the country with two children.

It was a pain in the ass when Gemma was an infant, let alone to have a toddler and a newborn.

"But it's a plan" He emphasized my eyes narrowing again.

"Might as well move back in with Aunt Melissa" I huffed, dragging my spoon through the thick red liquid.

"That's also a plan. I'm sure she wouldn't mind if we were actively house hunting. Your aunt and uncle love when you're over" 

"I don't want to keep being in her hair. I'm too old to constantly run to them when shit gets rough"

"I'm just saying we have options. Or we could rent a place, but you don't like airbnb's because of your fear of secret cameras"

"It's a valid fear" I defended, sitting up straighter, feeling the pulling in my lower back.

God I can't wait to get this baby out of me.

"It might be a dice we have to roll if you want to move there before baby girl is born"

"I just hate that nothing, and I mean nothing, ever goes to plan. If it's not one thing, it's another. I don't understand why you aren't more frustrated about this?" 

Colby wiped ketchup from his mouth, licking his lips before clearing his throat, "I am frustrated that we keep having to jump through hoops, but we can't just see what's happened. We just need to figure out plan B"

"Well at this point, we're on plan Z" I grouched.

"I'm trying here Leighton, and you're shooting me down" Colby sighed, leaning back against the chair.

"I know, and I'm sorry, It's just.." I sighed, "I'm beyond frustrated with everything. It's pissing me off"

The entire drive home I scrolled through different houses in our price range, none of them marking every checkbox like the house that we lost. 

Either you had nice bedrooms and a shitty backyard, or a great backyard but it was on a busy street, and if it wasn't a busy street, it had a nice kitchen and family room, but the crime rate was too high. 

Why does nobody talk about how hard it is to find a house to raise your family in?

"We could always build" Colby reminded me, my eyes rolling.

"Colby. I'm due in four months. We're lucky if we can create a fucking floorplan by then" I grumbled, "God," I groaned, "Why couldn't this baby be coming in like.. 2 years from now or something. Something that just gives us more time"

"Leighton, I don't know what to tell you. We need to make a decision eventually, even if it's just temporary. We can always rent a place for a while and build a house or whatever"

"But nothing feels right"

"Babe, you're going to need to give an inch here. If we want to move before this kid is born, we need to have already made solid plans. So what if it isn't your dream kitchen, or beautiful master bath. It's a house that will house our beautiful children temporarily whilst we figure out our long term plan."

I knew he was right, but it didn't make it any less frustrating.

Later that night Colby rubbed the knots out of my back as I showed him different rental properties, holding my tongue about the things I disliked.

It's a house that will house our children. It needs to be safe, not perfect. 

We narrowed it down to a few, even sent two to our realtor with offers, sending us back into the agonizing waiting game.

"My body was not made for pregnancy" I groaned, the weight of this baby in my belly taking a toll on me more every single day.

"And yet you carry it beautifully" his warm lips pressed two soft kisses to my left shoulder blade.

"Don't get any bright ideas, Brock. We're done after this" I half joked, relaxing against his touch, allowing all the weight on my back to press into him.

"Are you being serious, or?" His tone was soft, yet concerned.

"I mean.. do you really think I can do this a third time?" I genuinely asked, "I know Gemma's pregnancy medical wise was worse, but this one is really making me miss when there wasn't a baby in my womb. She's killing my muscles"

"Just wait for when she's on your bladder" He half joked. 

"You put those words right back in your mouth" I playfully snapped, glaring at him, a smile tugging at my lips; only to give in fully as he kissed me.

"You know I love you, and your body, and the way you carry babies, but if you're being serious about being done....... I guess I just need to cherish this pregnancy a little bit more" He caressed my stomach, placing yet another soft kiss on my stomach.

Flashes of earlier at our midwife appointment appeared in my head, but I shoved them far far away, desperately wanting to bask in the affectionate side of Colby that I've been begging to return, then argue about whatever was going on inside of his head only a few hours prior. 

"I'm not saying I'm done for sure.. I'm just... it's hard, Colby. Carrying babies is hard — and if you tell me I carry it beautifully one more time I swear to god" I rushed, Colby's chest vibrating behind me as he chuckled. "I just don't know.. right now.. if I want to do this a third time. I'm sure if we wait a few years I'll want it again, and regret it halfway through, but don't expect me to shove six kids out of my vagina, and if I do, please.. for the love of god, shake some sense into me" I begged, giggling.

"Why would I do that if you make beautiful children?" he asked, kissing my neck.

"Colby" I groaned.. or well.. moaned.

"Hm?" he hummed against my skin, the grumble vibrating against my pulse point, earning yet another moan out of me.

"This isn't fair. I can't think straight if you're making my clit swell, greedy for attention" I huffed, feeling his hand slip between my legs and rub my covered sex, my eyes closing as my legs happily let him in.

"But I like your clit swollen, and greedy for attention. If you want me to stop, tell me to stop and it'll stop" he murmured against my skin, warm wet kissing going up and down my neck from under my jawline all the way down to my collarbone.

"Finish what you started, Brock" I groaned, my back arching off his chest as he pushed my underwear aside, tracing my folds with the tip of his finger, circling around my clit before plunging into my aching center. "Oh my god" I moaned, his finger pumping in and out of my vagina. "Another, please" I begged, or well, cried.

His fingers moved in and out of me, stretching me out before he finally messed with my clit, liquid rushing out of me before I could even process what was happening; my moans loud enough for whomever was on the other side of the wall to hear. 

"Jesus christ I've never come so suddenly" I panted, "Pregnancy is wild" 

"And beautiful—"

"Shut up Colby before I don't want your cock near me" I groaned, moving to face him.

"Look at your bump, baby" he fawned, his hands running over my stomach.

"Colby" I groaned, my hands on the front of his shoulders, shoving him more into the pillows as I straddled his thighs, his erection pressing against my aching cunt. "Can I try something?" I asked, slightly rubbing myself against him, loving the way I could feel him through our underwear.

"Go for it" he struggled out, pleasure written all over his face as his hands rested against my hips.

I began to slide up and down his cock, the head of his penis pressed firmly against his underwear, peeking out from underneath us as I moved against his length, loving the pressure it put on my clit.

Before I knew it, Colby was groaning, cum seeping through his underwear, the white mess making a puddle that seeped into my own underwear, causing me to move quicker, chasing my own orgasm only for him to carefully flip me over, pulling his cock out from his underwear and slipping it into my quivering center, pounding into me with no remorse.

"Oh my fucking god!" I moaned.

"You're so fucking wet" he grunted, my body slamming against his as our hips moved roughly against each other.

"You're covered in cum" I snickered, my nails raking down his back.

"I'm so fucking sensitive; I'm going to come again" he warned, the bed shaking beneath us before we both came undone together, breathless panting, moans and groans emerging as we separated

"We need to have sex when I'm pregnant more often" I panted, my eyes falling shut as he chuckled.

"That means you need to stop being mad at me so frequently" he smirked, my hand slapping his pec.

~

Gemma, Cynthia, Harper and I wandered around the mall Christmas shopping, reminding the toddlers that picking out Christmas wishlist gifts is not the same as buying it so we can play with it when we get home.

"So he just blew you off?" Cynthia asked, holding an upset Harper in her arms — moments ago she tried running off, ending in a lecture on safety and strangers before getting swooped up and put in air jail, Gemma toddling in front of us, hopping on the squares of the tile, trying not to step on the lines, her shoes slapping against the shiny white linoleum flooring.

"Well I reached out because of Christmas, you know? And Sam seemed like I was the last person he wanted to talk to, and then I asked Kat, because duh, and I swear it was like I had the plague or some shit. They ended up telling me they couldn't come due to going to their own families for Christmas, but it still rubbed me wrong. I swear ever since Colby and I got back together, things have been weird and it's just strange. I feel like I'm taking Colby away from his friends, but whenever I reach out, it always feels like I'm the last person they want to talk to. The only person who responds to my texts in a proper friendly manner is Stas, and even then, she's busy doing her own thing. So not only do I constantly feel like an outsider, but I can't even group people together to to meet up and spend some time together" 

"If you've put in the effort, then that's on them. You can't change the way they act towards you. It's not your fault if Colby never sees them because they decide to be offstandish with you" Cynthia shrugs, "You tried— are trying; you're doing your best. It is strange that Sam's dismissing you though. You guys were close, no?" 

"Yes" I sighed, "I'm telling you, ever since Colby and I got together, everything's been weird, and like, Colby used to put Sam on speaker when they talked, or let Gemma talk with him, but there's been so many hushed conversations and anytime he gets lost in his head, he's been conversing with Sam. I just wish one of them would talk to me; I feel like I'm losing them both. The other thing is I tried reaching out to Aaliyah again, but I still haven't heard from her. At this point I feel like I'm just pestering her" I sighed, "And it sucks, because she's my best friend.. or was my best friend, and all because of one stupid fight she's been AWOL. I can't even show up at her doorstep and confront her because I don't know where she is" I complained, "Ugh, enough about my life, how's it going with you and Logan? Is my dad an alright roommate? I swear, Colby and I are working on getting him out of your hair" I joked, Cynthia grinning.

"He's been fine. I think he's enjoyed being around Harper more. I uh.. Logan and I have been meaning to talk to you about something though." Oh god, "Logan has been thinking about doing another year of the Military. Not on active duty, but helping the guys prepare and such, but um.. Harper and I would be following him, meaning we'd be moving out of California for who knows how long. It's just, it's a full time position and I can't go x amount of days without seeing him again" Cynthia's worried expression burned into my brain as my heart rate picked up, "Especially now that we have Harper" 

"You're moving?" I questioned, Cynthia slowly nodding, before letting Harper down so the girls could go play at the tiny play spot in the mall. "I know I'm also moving.. but I just.. I don't know, there is something about finding out he's also moving that feels weird. At least it isn't active duty, right?" I sighed, running my hands through my hair. "Why hasn't he told me? I was on the phone with him last night.."

Logan and I try to call each other weekly at least and just catch up, why wouldn't he have mentioned something? How long has  he known?

"You're his best friend, Leigh. He's afraid of breaking your heart. He almost didn't take it and thought about following you back to Minnesota" Cynthia confessed.

My heart dropped, "He was?"

"Yes, but then he got this opportunity and it made good pay and such.."

"No, no.. I get it.. it's just.... where is it?"

"Fort Knox, Kentucky"

"Oh. Well that's not too far..." I drifted before looking over at her, "Wait, did he try seeing if he could go to Fort Ripley? That's not tooooo far from Aunt Melissa's"

"All the spots are full. Don't think he didn't try to stay with you. I've never seen a closer sibling bond, I swear he'd leave me in a ditch if it meant protecting you" She laughed, "And that wasn't a dig. I love that about him. I love how close you are. You both need each other, and I love that you guys have each other. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you before we both chickened out and landed in Kentucky and had to figure out a way for you to think we were still in California"

 Back at Cynthia's house, the girls and I helped carry in her bags worth of gifts, Nova greeting us at the front door, pulling on my heartstrings, especially since Gemma has been relentlessly asking for a dog, Colby and I's only defense being "The apartment doesn't allow pets" but I knew we were toast once we actually moved.

"Look at that dopey face" I cackled, cupping the rotty's face in my hands, "You're so damn cute" I cooed.

"Remember when she was a puppy? Now look at her" Cynthia laughed, handing a cup of juice to both of the greedy toddlers.

"I'd love to own a rotty, I just.. with two kids and planning to start college I can't imagine trying to puppy train until baby girl is done with her own potty training" I sighed, tossing a rope for the dog.

"Colby will be there to help. I swear you forget you guys are literally engaged. He's made a commitment to help" She laughed.

"He's always working. I can't juggle the house, two kids, working, college and a dog whilst he's gone working" 

 "But then they're home for an extended period of time, right? He'll especially be around to help with the baby" 

"Speaking of the baby. Colby wants to name her Lennon, and I think I agree with him.. just.. we can't figure out a middle name. I swear this baby is coming into this world into complete and utter chaos" 

"Lennon is a pretty name. Colby came up with that?"

"Right!? I was surprised too" my chuckle getting drowned out by laughter from the girls, both of them running through the house with some sort of light up, singing Disney wands. "No running through the house!" I yelled, "Someone's going to get hurt!" 

"Girls, why don't you go play with Nova outside?" Cynthia shooed them out, both of us moving to the kitchen to keep an eye on them.

We sat at the kitchen table, watching the girls as I explained my frustrations with everything going on.

I mean honestly, was I bringing our daughter into this world with everything being a mess? I haven't even begun to think about what her nursery would look like, or gone through the few things I had kept from Gemma.

We haven't talked about baby showers, or middle names, or if we're co-sleeping, or bottle feeding...

My mind was racing and lagging all at the same time and all I wanted to do was cry.

Gemma and I ended up staying the night since Colby was back in Vegas with Sam, it did not take much to convince us since Logan and Cynthia promised to feed us and Gemma got to have story time with her Papa.

"Do you mind if I drink some wine?" Cynthia asked, a bottle in hand.

My head shook as I scrolled through my phone.

"I missed wine when I was pregnant" Cynthia sighed, plopping down in between Logan and I, a movie ready to be played whenever we were situated, my dad and the kids having gone to bed.

"I miss Deli meat" I snickered, hugging the blanket closer to my body. "I miss sandwiches and like my roll up snacks. I swear you crave the things you can't have when you're pregnant; it's so annoying. Thankfully, Colby doesn't eat them around me, so at least he's thoughtful like that" I chuckled, opening Colby and I's text messages.

Colby 💘: Are we spending Christmas in California? My parents have been asking if I'm making my way to Arizona for the holidays seen

Shit.

Um.

Every reply I tried to send, I ended up deleting, just staring at his message.

I knew we should. It was his family after all, and I've kept him away from them enough as it is.. but Arizona? With a toddler? And me being pregnant? I'm sure all the flights are taken too..

Do you want to?

Really Leighton? Out of all the possibilities you could've sent..

Colby 💘: You don't?

Aren't the Christmas flights taken?

Colby 💘: We could drive

That's what I was afraid of. 

With a toddler? Remember last time?

Colby 💘: So no? 

Motherfucker.

I groaned, feeling Logan's eyes on me as I sent a quick reply back.

Could they come here?

"What's wrong?" Logan asked.

"Colby wants to go to his family's for Christmas. Yes I know how that sounds" I grouched, "It's just.. 13 hours in the car when you're pregnant and your toddler doesn't like to sit still? It's going to be a nightmare. Let alone the traffic of everyone else traveling for the holidays. If he wanted to go, I wish he would've mentioned it sooner so we could've looked at flights for us or them"

"Some nightmare's are worth going through if it makes your husband happy" Cynthia piped up, ignoring my glare.

"Cynthia, zip it" I spoke through clenched teeth, Logan's head cocking.

"Oh? What kind of nightmares are those?" he asked, my head falling back with a groan.

Here we go.

Before I knew it, Cynthia and Logan were "arguing" - bickering more like it, but it seemed more serious. If it was Colby and I, we'd already be yelling.. or well.. I'd be yelling, but is that really an important detail?..

"I say just suck it up and go. Especially with how guilty you feel "dragging" him to Minnesota" Cynthia shrugged, placing her wine glass in the kitchen whilst Logan took Nova on a quick nightly walk.

"But 13 hours" I whined, "And then some. That's not counting pit stops for both me and the toddler" 

"But it will make Colby happy" 

"Will it? His future wife and his daughter complaining the whole time about how hungry they are, about how much they don't wanna be in the car anymore? How shitty they're feeling? Not to mention I don't really feel like playing fake happy wife who loves her partner's family when I'm trying to just get through this pregnancy. I'm truly so fucking done of everything hurting and she's even been kind to my bladder lately"

"I still say just do it. Especially since you don't see them that often"

Easier said than done. I don't see her looking like she's about to burst at the seams.

I snuggled in the blankets on their fairly comfy couch, my father having taken over the guest bedroom, opening Colby's texts back up.

Colby 💘: Not with their back pain

What about my back pain?

Colby 💘: I can look at possible flights later.

Colby 💘: Sam and I are going to start filming again

Colby 💘: Goodnight. I love you.

Uggggggh

We can go

I'm staying at Cynthia's tonight and  we're heading to bed so goodnight I love you too. Be safe with Sam please.

That morning I woke up, immediately checking my phone only for my eyes to practically pop out of my head at my notifications.

Colby 💘: Thank you 

Sam and I just got to the hotel I'm getting home around 2pm tomorrow fyi

Landon 🙄:

How long do you boil eggs for?

I keep fucking it up. 

Finn and Xavier think I can't cook 🙄

Aaliyah ✨: Hey. I'm sorry for being MIA. Can we meet up and talk?

"Mornin' Momma! We make.. make pan..pancakes!" My darling daughter announced at an ear piercing volume.

"Gemma, inside voices" I groaned, stretching as I sat up, realizing just how badly I had to pee.

"Momma?"

"Yes honey"

"Coco didn't call" she pouted, her  arms crossed over her chest.

"What?"

"Coco didn't call. Coco always calls when bye bye"

Oh.

"I'm sorry baby. Coco was busy talking to mommy about seeing his parents. We'll make sure he pays for forgetting, okay? Where's Papa?"

"Papa with Harper" 

"Why don't you go join them whilst momma pees and then we can go eat your pancakes?" I suggested, shoving myself up off the couch.

"OKAY!" She yelled, already running off.

Kids have too much energy at all times of the day.

I opened Aaliyah's texts whilst I was peeing, my heart pounding as I replied, yet again constantly typing and deleting my message.

How do I calmly reply without making it awkward? Or like I'm overexcited? 

Where would you like to meet? 

I groaned at my reply, not only hating how "nonchalant" it felt, but also knowing that I now had to wait for a reply. 

Colby called whilst we were eating breakfast, Gemma taking over the phone call as I helped Cynthia keep eggs and pancakes off the floor — much to Nova and my backs dismay. 

Why does nobody talk about how much squats suck when you're pregnant? Cynthia ended up having to help me up a few times which was almost as equally embarrassing as it was wobbling and almost falling over.

Gemma gave Colby an earful about breaking his promise, Colby profusely apologizing, bribing Gemma with an ice cream date in exchange for an acceptance of apology, happily winning her over.

Colby had barely walked through the apartment door before he and Gemma were off on their way, abandoning me with my nerves as I got ready to meet up with Aaliyah.

I slipped on some maternity jeans, a flowy top and ran a brush through my long dark hair, pretending like I wasn't sweating buckets at just the thought of what she wants to talk about.

My fingers kept tapping the steering wheel as I drove, completely off beat to the music I put on as an attempt to distract myself. 

I refused to allow myself to sit in my own nerves any longer, slamming my car door shut and swinging the coffee shop door open, the intense coffee ground smell smacking me in the face, slightly triggering my gag reflex.

Great.

With a grimace smile, I pushed my shoulders back and scanned the shop, not seeing anyone who remotely looked like Aaliyah.

I sent a quick text before ordering a pastry and finding a seat.

I guess I was going to have to sit in my nerves after all.

 I couldn't get myself to sit still if it had to save my life. My fingers kept tapping against the table, or swiping through nonsense on my phone; the pastry quickly diminishing as I just sat here waiting. 

She reached out, out of the blue, having ignored me for months... for what? To just chit chat? That is if she didn't stand me up first.

Colby texted, informing me that they had gotten back to the apartment, texting me a photo of Gemma's speech therapy games, asking which ones she was worse at, thankfully providing me a few minutes of distraction. 

Every time the bell rang above the door, my eyes glanced up, hoping, only to be let down.

Was I seriously getting stood up? Was this her idea of a joke? A final fuck you? 

With singed hope, I checked our texts one more time, hearing yet another bell ring, only to finally be greeted by a woman who vaguely looked like my once best friend.

"Hey.. you haven't changed at all." A soft, sad voice said, my brow pulling together.

Was that a compliment or an insult?

"Aaliyah?" I questioned, watching her nod, finally taking a seat across from me. "You look... different" I stumbled, trying to keep a straight face, knowing I was failing.

Her roots were dark, showing, not that that was a problem, it just was unlike her. I don't think I've ever seen her natural hair color show this much. Her blonde hair was long, appearing tousled. She's always been skinny, but she looked skinner, her baggy shirt appearing a size or two too big, rather than huge her form like it used to.

"I uh, how are you?" She asked, my face had to look bewildered as I stared back at her in shock.

"Me? How are you?! It's been what... forever?" I expressed, sitting up straighter in the chair, my hand covering my bump so it didn't hit the table, drawing her attention to it.

"You're very pregnant." She noted, "When are you due again?" 

"April. What uh.. what have you been up to?" I asked, hating the way her shoulders fell.

"Nothing much. How are you and Colby? Still going strong?" She asked, her eyes telling me she didn't care and was just trying to be polite.

She all around lacked emotional presence. I felt like I was staring at a shell of my best friend, her eyes confirming my assumptions as the once shining gleam lacked their glimmer.

"Still engaged" I showed my left hand, wiggling my fingers, "Have you found anybody new?" I asked, Aaliyah shaking her head. "Where are you living now?"

"With a few roommates" She replied numbly.

"That's nice. Are they nice?" I asked, trying to brighten the mood a little bit; failing.

"It's fine" 

"All girls?" I asked, Aaliyah nodding.

"That's nice. Where do you work then?"

She was quiet, chewing her lower lip, finally replying, "With my roomates"

"Oh. Interesting. What do you guys do? Is it like.. work pays for it or whatever? Or did you guys start a business together? Did you meet at work?" I tried to engage with her, wanting so desperately to be back in her life, but it felt like pulling teeth to get even an inch of slack from her.

"No I um.. well.. uh.. what are you doing for work?" She quickly changed the subject.

"Oh. I've been working in sales in a clothing and shoe store. Nicer pay, easier whilst pregnant, but uh, Colby and I were talking about moving, so I might put in my notice soon. Plus with the baby coming soon. A lot's been going on. Have you tried talking to River since you guys broke up? Any idea how he's doing?" I asked, fishing for anything to work with.

Her head shook.

"How's Gemma?" She switched again, a smile broadening on my face at the name of my daughter.

"She's good!" I grinned, "She's four now. Taller. Speaks more. Drives me nuts sometimes" I giggled, "She's indifferent about being a big sister. Some days she's excited, other days not so much"

"I'm sure she's forgotten about me" Aaliyah sighs, slouching back in the chair.

My head shook, "How could she forget her Lay Lay?" I tossed a sympathetic smile. "You're her godmother Aaliyah. She'll always remember you"

"Have you thought about who will be the godparent of this kid?" She questioned, surprising me. 

"Haven't discussed it too much. I thought about asking Landon, or Sam. I don't know what Colby wants" 

Aaliyah nodded, glancing around the place.

I sighed, "Why did you finally reach out, Aaliyah? I've tried for months. I hated how I treated you when we argued. I've wanted to apologize for ages, and you've just gone mute on me"

"Well.. I didn't have a phone for a while. I finally earned money to get another one" She showed me an older model IPhone. "I uh.. honestly? I wasn't in a good place to rehash everything with you. I needed to figure things out"

"And have you?" I asked, Aaliyah's head shaking.

"No, which is why I finally wanted to meet up with you. I.." she trailed off, "I just wanted to see how you are. If you're okay. How things have been. How Gemma is. How the pregnancy is going. Wanted to check in on someone who was once my best friend"

Ouch.

"Once was?" I whispered, my eyes starting to get glassy.

Was my best friend breaking up with me? Is that even a thing?

"I'm not good for you Leighton. You're thriving" that was a stretch, "and I just.. I just wanted to see it for myself. You have a future husband, children, an entire life ready for you. You know I'll always be there for you, but..." But? I felt warm tears start to fall down my face, Aaliyah looking away. "You're so much better off without me. Without me meddling. I just.. I think you've grown so much without me, and it's a good thing. It's a good thing that you've made so much progress in your own life. Just the way your face lights up when you talk about your daughter tells me that much" Her own tears fell, "I just wanted to make sure you were happy. That you were okay. You're still sober, right?" She asked, my head nodding. "See?" her voice cracked, "You're good without me, and I think it needs to stay that way"

I so desperately wanted to tell her just how wrong she was. How my life was still a mess, and how I was nowhere near ready to plan a wedding, or have a baby, but I couldn't help but focus on how it felt like she used me. She got me here with wishful thinking, knowing she had ill intentions. Who does that? Who reaches out, talks about reconnecting after months of no contact, only to practically break up with you? 

"So that's what this was?" I sniffled, wiping at my face, "You met up with me, just to tell me you didn't want to be my friend anymore?" 

"It's not that I don't want to. It's that I can't" She replied, adding salt to the wound.

"You can't? What does that even mean! I've tried so hard, Aaliyah! I know you think I'm selfish, and maybe I am, but I've tried too hard to reach out. To talk to you. To be there for you, and you just.. you can't be my friend anymore?" 

"It's not safe for you to reach out, Leigh. You have an entire life going for you. We'll always have our memories, but... I needed to tell you in person that I can't do this anymore. Okay?"

Not safe?! What does that even mean! 

"No! Not okay! What the hell, Aaliyah! You're scaring me. What's going on? What's wrong?"

"Leighton. Please" She quietly begged, my head shaking rapidly.

"No. I refuse to give up on you. You have no valid reason to not be my friend. I can respect your boundaries, but nothing about this feels right! Tell me what's going on, please" I begged.

If she wanted to cut ties, fine. If she no longer wanted to be connected to me, I could deal with that... but this... it felt like she had a gun to her head and needed to say what she needed to say to get out alive; it just didn't sit well with me.

"You're better off without me—" She tried again.

"Bullshit!" I interrupted, "All I've wanted is to be your friend. To be there for you. I don't care if that's you at your worst, or your best. If this is your worst, just tell me. Tell me how I can help. Is it your living situation? Do you need somewhere to stay? Because I have options Aaliyah. I have family more than willing to open their doors to you. I have a toddler at home who would love to see you. You can't just walk away for no reason. You've been there for me way more than I have for you, and when I finally get the chance to repay you just.. you what.. cut the goddamn cord? No." My head shook, my lips pursed as I refused whatever insane thing was going on right now. "What do you need from me? How can I help you? Clearly something is going on" I begged, hating how I was getting shoved away without a chance to fight for us. 

I could tell she had made up her mind, I just wish I knew why.

Was it really all because of that stupid fight? or was it something more?

"You can't help me, Leighton"

"That's not true—" I interrupted, only for Aaliyah to interrupt me.

"I'm happy you're happy, Leighton. Truly. If anyone deserves it, it's you" She smiled softly, her hand reaching across the table for me, her touch burning with bittersweet memories.

The tears were flowing freely, my brain trying to catch up with what was going on right now, failing miserably.

"If I need you, I'll call you. Okay? Just.. let me do this. Please" She begged, my head nodding before I could stop it.

"I love you. Okay? Whatever you need. Just tell me" I begged her to promise, Aaliyah bending to hug me, whispering back that she loved me, and that she was happy for me, before walking away; right out of my life.

What the hell just happened?

I walked through my apartment door in shambles marching past Colby who was sat on the couch, laptop resting on his thighs, shutting our bedroom door behind me, undressing.

I felt dirty. Like my crystal clear lake was now a murky pond.

The entire drive home I tried to understand what I had done. Relaying every text I sent, every conversation we've had. How it got to this point. I simply didn't understand and I don't think I ever will.

All I know is I lost my best friend. The person who's been there for me through thick and thin... and the second she needed me like I needed her, she cut the tie.

I lost her before I could even try to fight for her and I had no clue what to do.

* * * *  This chapters been "done" since January. I just wasn't happy with it and got writers block cus I didn't know how to fix it... and well.. now it's March uh..

If this book was a jenga tower, it's about to tumble 👀

Written on: December 21st 2023, January 4th, 7th, 8th, 10th, 14th, 22nd, March 6th 2024

Published: March 6th 2024

Word Count: 7210

Part Twenty Four

[queensectonia]

is it this one? i'm sorry to have... offended (?) you? i wasn't specifically thinking of you when i made it though, i don't think. i wrote that a while ago.

the intention was not to discourage people from calling elfilis/elfilin they/them though or to insult they/them (and be extension it/its) characters though. it was to say that i don't see a problem with calling them something other than they/them and respecting other people's interps too. kinda like if someone hc'd a male character as a tgirl. i might not agree, but i would respect it. gender hcs should for fictional characters should be a pretty chill thing imo.

again, i'm sorry if you didn't like it or if i hurt you. if you spotted some legitimate issues with it, do tell me! but for now i stand by my points. i really hope we can sort things out since i don't quite like being called a horrible person.

hey man, nowhere in my post did i call you a horrible person. i said some of your reasoning was transphobic, which is a trap anyone can fall into, because unwittingly repeating unfortunate rhetoric is very much not a moral judgement.

and i wasn't offended by your post, because it's a sentiment i pretty much agree entirely with, just couched in some kind of silly reasoning and a broad misunderstanding of what people are actually complaining about.

most of the folk saying things like this aren't complaining about people using different pronouns for established characters (elfilis, in this case) in their own headcanon. as it was stated in my post, we're frustrated about people straight up misgendering elfilis on a universal basis.

this is an extremely widespread and specific problem with characters whose pronouns are they/them, or god forbid it/its. look at any given character whose pronouns are they/them and you will see countless people in the english-speaking sphere flat-out refusing to gender them correctly. for just a couple examples, look no further than frisk undertale + kris deltarune, the gems from houseki no kuni, and yes, indeed, elfilis. this is such an ingrained and common problem where people just innately reject the possibility of a character using they/them pronouns, let alone the idea that they might be nonbinary in any way, and because of it, you get people constantly misgendering these characters and bending over backwards to justify themselves: "oh, well, you know, this character just doesn't seem like a they/them... it was never stated directly... i'm just more comfortable using he or she..."

it's a longstanding, observable issue. elfilis, predictably, doesn't escape it either, and thus you have rafts of the english-speaking fanbase ignoring this character's proper form of address.

and elfilis' pronouns are in fact canonically they/them and it/its, by the way. this is part of the transphobic reasoning i was referring to: in both real life and regarding fictional characters, it is transphobe standby number one to insist and insist and insist and sealion into infinity that there's ~plausible deniability~ on they/them pronouns. it's used because we haven't met this character! we were never told for certain that this character uses they/them! it's for literary ambiguity! they/them are plural pronouns so it's the text referring to multiple people!

i mean this in the kindest possible way: you are just incorrect here, on multiple points. there is absolutely nothing ambiguous about elfilis' pronouns. multiple times, elfilis is strictly, directly referred to with they/it, where elfilin is referred to with he/him. the game is not being ~vague~ here, it is presenting you with plain information. the game not telling us elfilis' precise, discrete gender identity is not the same as the game not telling us elfilis' pronouns. elfilis is referred to with neutral pronouns in every language except for the ones that literally don't have neutral pronouns.

(even french has a well-known and accepted neuter pronoun these days, but our good friends (derogatory) l'Académie française refuse to ratify it so NoE didn't use it in the localisation.)

additionally, kirby is not referred to with gender-neutral pronouns. i assume you're referring to japanese here, in which case you've been misinformed by a common misconception spread by people who don't speak japanese. kirby is never gendered at all in japanese. it's not "kirby is canonically non-binary in japan!" or "kirby is canonically they/them in japan!", kirby is canonically nothing in japan. they go out of their way to not mention it. depending on your translation standards, japanese doesn't even have "they/them" as a singular pronoun. i explained this in my post here, and there's an additional post i made on the topic regarding a slightly different version of this fandom misconception here.

anyway, tl;dr, no-one is complaining about people giving elfilis different pronouns in headcanons and AUs. we're complaining about the exhaustingly common phenomenon of people forgetting how to be normal about gender when a character uses they/them.

[sleepygaymerdisease]

where does one get started with lupin i’m curious

i will always recommend the movie Castle of Cagliostro (1979) directed by miyazaki because it is the best lupin media ever in my opinion. BUT. the problem with starting here. is that it's kind of like the magnum opus. which is insane to say because it's the 3rd lupin movie ever made but it's like. ok. it's super good but the lupin characters dont ever have that same amount of depth ever again and it's not really mentioned anywhere because there's no series continuity. it's kind of like a retrospective of the series that would take place near the end of a hypothetical timeline. but there isn't a timeline. no continuity. so Technically you could start anywhere with no issues as long as you know the very basic premise. once you know the main characters you're pretty much set for anything. with varying quality. and trust me it varies a lot. to the point where i don't easily recommend it LOL. um but aside from cagliostro hmm. i really like part 1 even though theres a lot of issues with it because like, it's definitely aged but there's a lot of depth (miyazaki also worked on part 1 lol) and you can see how people became so attatched to these characters. to me its a really good mix of ridiculously silly and seriousness and dread. ok and other than that. uhhh. hm. Fuma Conspiracy is a really good movie (and a shitty rip of it is currently on youtube hehe). oh and animation-wise i'd rec Lupin III: The First (yes the name makes it a pain in the ass to talk about) but the plot is not particularly good and also theres nazis in it. theyre the bad guys but jesus christ its a lot. also disclaimer pretty much everything i listed will have guns + violence and sexism. like Extreme Sexism. i hate this stupid series sometimes. a lot sometimes. cagliostro has the least sexist portrayal of fujiko my best friend fujiko the femme fatale and theres a section on the wikipedia about fans complaining about the lack of sexualization. to give you an idea of where this is at. theres always a ton of other shit going on in the movies n shit too so lmk if you'd like any specific tws for specific medias i listed.

TLDR:

• there's no continuity so all you need to know are the characters who are always being put into situations. MAIN CAST: Lupin III, Jigen, Goemon, Fujiko, and Zenigata. gentleman thief, gunman, samurai, femme fatale, and the detective trying to stop them all. they're all crazy. that's all u need to know. congrats you're set. that being said.

• Start with Castle of Cagliostro. (which is my fav but it's different from a lot of lupin media 💔)

• after that I'd go with Part 1 i guess. it sets up the characterizations extremely well but theres also Problems and Issues.

• Fuma Conspiracy. a solid movie 👍

• Lupin III: The First. amazing animation. plot leaves more to be desired. it follows the general plot beats of cagliostro though. still havent decided how to feel about that but WOW HES 3D!!!

• after this you can do whatever you want but watch out. i dont think ive watched anything else i could rec to a normal person.

[nami-lvr]

Correct OP Headcannons

Ft: Luffy, Usopp, Nami, Robin, Zoro, Sanji, Chopper, Brook, and Franky!

Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 |

A/N: Hey guys! First post YAYAYAYYAYAY 🔥🔥 I love love love the silly show smsmsm and the next part will include Mihawk, Doffy, Cora, Buggy, and Crocodile!

Luffy

Erm I don’t have much for him

SIKE

Bro smells

Does not wash his ass

Has those back pimple thingys and lets you pop them (GROSS!!!)

Band kid

For sure

100% a band kid

iPad kid as well

Can’t do anything without entertainment

Has autism

If you disagree you don’t like autistic ppl :/ (JOKING OFC!!)

I think his special interest would be pirates bc he thinks they’re cool

Has greasy hair

Smells bad (knows) doesn’t care

Doesn’t floss his damn teeth

HAS CROOKED TEETH FIGHT ME ON THIS

Needs braces

Doesn’t get them bc this fool won’t take care of them

Paints his nails

Extremely ugly and bright colors

Cat shit green

Dog puke brown

Effervescent Shitstain

Whatever he can find

Usopp

My bbg would also be a band kid

Would not do anything with his hair.

At all.

Not even pick through it.

Goddamn it Usopp YOUR SCALP IS FALLING. OUT.

WASHYOURFUCKINGHAIRBOY

I swear

He just lets that shit grow

Won’t even loc up.

Istg DO SOMETHINF WITH UR HAIR

Only pulls bitches in his late teens/early adulthood because he doesn’t look 5 anymore

I’m convinced he has a gyatdayum uhhh

Fat ass

HAD TO SAY IT

Im positive that if he was real he would have that THANG just THANGin up back there

Grabbable asf

Nami

Popular pretty nice girl

Pick me (sorry!)

Would smell like strawberries for sure

Would be the girl to always have lotion on her

Would willingly take Spanish and be invested in it

Would always have gum on her

Lie about having gum on her so people won’t ask

People ask anyways

Definitelyyyy is the girl who only hangs out with guys (no shade to girls who do)

Not bc she gets along better

But because of Sanji 🙁

Literally they’re there to protect her from him (can you tell I hate Sanji yet 😛)

Basic white girl BUT I STILL LOVE HER

Stan Nami ong

She would be so proud of her friends

“Nami I got a 90% on my tes-“

“YAYYY! WERE GOING OUT TO EAT!”

So supportive

Very erm

Tough love kinda gal

You definitely have to WORK to be her friend

Robin

I heavily headcannon that she speaks Russian. (I’m projecting 😊)

She would teach you Russian for sure

And be like

Super nice about it

I love Robin

She is so

🩷🩷

Guys hear me out

She is a cat person

Would always wear fuzzy socks

Prefers the cold

She is allergic to grass fight me

Does yoga I can feel it in my bones

Would do yoga with you

Definitely bakes

Her favorite show is something true crime related

Zoro

Cmon man

This guy is so likeable

Dyes his hair a different color every month depending on what the awareness for that month is

As in blue for child abuse awareness month and green for mental health awareness month and so on

But no one knows that that’s why

They just think its cool

But he knows

He knows.

And I just think he would be the kind of guy to help the teachers clean the classroom

Straight C student

Sleeps in class

Has neck problems

Complains about said neck problems

Cycle repeats

Everyones friend

Natural born leader fr

Every tía would pass him the baby

He’s incredibly good with kids and wants some of his own

BUT!!!!

He is asexual

DUN DUN DUNNNN

Makes fun one people to their face (me for real)

Sanji

I fucking hate Sanji. Not sorry! He is weird 😁🫶🏻

Would probably grab my ass

Would probably stare at my boobs

(I’m a well built gal)

Chopper

My son

I adopted him back in erm

1800

Yes

Mexicans existed in the 1800’s and I adopted him then so

Everything I say from now on is cannon bc he is my son :p

Paints his nails

Bites his nails

Has autism

Bc I said so

Definitely loves plain pasta

Like thats his favorite food

Brook

Erm

I don’t really like him either-

SIKE YOU THOUGHT

Bro is a stoner

No more questions

Tokes it up in the back of class

Gives no fucks if he gets caught

The kinda guy you wanna smoke your first joint with

Extremely good trip sitter

I feel like

I really feel like

I hope hope hope

He would dislike Sanji for being perverted and see that its bad and change his ways

💔💔💔💔

Brook recovery arc bc i say so

#brook redemption arc

Franky

The fun uncle

Everyone loves Franky

Loud drunk

Extremely loud drunk

Like

Noise complaint loud kinda drunk

Still funny as shit thought

[sunnywalnut]

Something to add to this, especially from a disabled writer's perspective:

-you can absolutely have arthritis at a young age(I'm 19 and yes. Rheumatoid arthritis exists. I am very close to having it myself. No it is not fun)

-you can have tremors! Tics, uncontrollable muscle spasms, nerve damage, etc etc

-you can need a cane/walker! Especially the ones with the lil tennis balls on the bottom. Go for it.

-you can absolutely have muscle/joint aches and yes it does get worse with the weather. Winter especially! My muscles in my back tighten VERY painfully when it is cold and I cannot help it no matter how many layers I wear!! And yes!! My knees can tell when it's about to rain!! I thought it was silly too!!

-taking random naps in the middle of the day, including recliner naps, can actually be really needed. Especially if you're very fatigued. Also recliner naps can really help if you have back issues/your knees feel "heavy". Speaking from experience.

-YOUR BODY CRACKS AT RANDOM!! I can't count how many times I've had to stretch out my arms/legs and have it all crack out and then just have to sit there and let it "settle" before jumping up and going on to do whatever I needed to do.

-Old Man Groans are a thing. Involuntary. Did not even realize it was a thing I was doing until it was pointed out to me. Even if you think you're not doing it, you are. You're an old man. Embrace it. Yes I am fine. Yes the noise comes with the package. Deal with it.

-sometimes you gotta just lay down when talking to your friends even if they're all sitting/standing. Laying on the floor should be allowed. Good friends will lay/sit with you.

-"resting your eyes" is also a thing. Sometimes you really don't realize you're sleepy until you've got your eyes closed and you're all comfy and suddenly you're just drifting off...

-not quite a disability thing but you know how grandmas tend to have hard candies/snacks on hand? Yeah. People who struggle with extremely high metabolism/energy dips/low blood sugar tend to carry snacks and a water bottle on hand. Especially if they know they have this problem. While the trope of everyone flocking to help their homie who fainted is sweet(and sometimes very needed), some people will have snacks to spare to others just in case. I myself carried a LOT of Tylenol, cough drops, mints, body mist, and snacks in my bag when I was in high school bc every time I was in drama, at least one person would complain of one thing or another and it was great to be able to share. If you want to use this trope, I recommend using it with a bit more nuance. Why did they leave their stuff at home? Did they just set it down? Did was their brain fog worse than normal and they forgot? Or you can use it as a discovery as to what the character is going through. I've seen a lot of diabetic characters "forget" their things without any sort of explaination and it's sort of brushed off for laughs (like in the older film "Mall Cop" from what I remember)

Like sorry for hijacking your post op but I got so excited being able to talk about something like this! Very rarely it gets brought up so I'm happy to be able to ramble^^

I love young cripples with stereotypically “old people” disorders! (Personally I have severe plantar fasciitis at 20)

You’re not “too young” to have this pain.

You don’t need to “wait until you’re older and then you’ll see”.

Your disability is a disability regardless of your age!!!!

[novemberhush]

🎃✏️

🦕🧛🏻‍♀️

ooh, i can keep the emojis big by just using a line break? NICE.

(i really hope they stay big now or i'll look silly x'D)

anyway, yes, for the ask game, those four, please and thank you! ♥

Hey! No, they stayed big, don’t worry!😘

🎃- what’s your favourite holiday?

Probably Christmas. Although (and I hate to sound like a cliché, but it’s true), it’s not the same as it was when I was younger. For a start, I barely get any time off work to actually enjoy it these days. We close Christmas Day and that’s it, so for some of us it’s right back at it on Boxing Day. I try to work Christmas Eve if I can because that means you get Boxing Day off, and I’d rather have it off than Christmas Eve, and I don’t care about working New Year’s, but still, every year I see people complaining about the liminal week between Christmas and New Year’s and how they don’t know what day it is anymore, etc, etc, and I want to bite them! Enjoy it while you can, you ingrates!

But, overall, yeah, I have some nice memories of Christmases past so it’s probably my favourite. I have some good memories of Halloween as a kid too, but I don’t really care for it as an adult.

✏️- what’s a word you can never seem to spell right?

I’m drawing a blank on this one. I genuinely can’t think of one. Not to brag, but I think my spelling is pretty good most of the time.

🦕- what’s a pet peeve of yours?

Oh, I am so glad you asked me this one because I have had a rant locked and loaded and ready to go for quite a while! Not to be a complete bitch, but fic writers of the world (and I’m sorry for singling out the Americans in particular here, but they do seem to be the main culprits), where are you getting the phrase ‘make due’ from?? Surely the phrase is ‘make DO’, no? You ‘make do’ with last night’s leftovers. You ‘make do’ with the scraps of affection they throw your way. You ‘make do’ with what you have. Maybe there’s a reason for it, maybe language has evolved differently in different countries, but, God, it drives me up the wall!

Also, and I know we’re not turning to fic for its realism, but the amount of casual drinking and driving that pops up in stories is wild! Taxis exist, rideshares exist, designated drivers exist! Your characters (and the fact I read for fandoms that often feature first responder characters who will most likely have dealt with accidents caused by drunk driving at some point makes it stand out even more!) do not need to be constantly drinking and driving, unless you’re trying to make a point about said character (for example, you want to illustrate how reckless they are with their own and everyone else’s safety, or maybe you want to show it’s actually out of character for them, but they’re having a momentary lapse of judgment because they’re under extreme stress or pressure, or that they’ve developed a problem they need help with).

And if your aim is getting them tipsy and alone with someone so they say more than they would have sober, well, they don’t have to be drink driving for that. Have them say it while they’re waiting for their taxi, have them say it as they walk home together, have them say it in front of the Uber driver who’s trying not to listen in, have them say it in front of their friend, the designated driver, who’s trying not to listen in!

Sorry, again, I know we’re not expecting 100% realism 100% of the time, and of course I don’t think someone who writes about doing something automatically does that thing themselves in real life, but it really throws me when I read about a character (especially normally responsible characters) going from knocking back whiskey in the bar or beers at their buddy’s place to walking straight out to their car or truck and driving away!

Okay, rant over. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest! (And apologies if I sounded condescending or patronising at any point, but I was asked what my pet peeves were and I answered honestly.)

🧛🏻‍♀️- what’s your favourite horror character/ monster?

I’m not a huge horror fan, but if we’re talking movie monsters I tend to lean more towards vampires than werewolves or zombies, etc, so I guess we’ll go with the daddy of them all and say Dracula.

Thank you for your ask!❤️

[escape-rock-bottom]

"DON'T BUG ME!": Another Reason Why I Avoid Approaching People

I’ve talked about my previous resistance to approaching new people in the past, but I felt I should dedicate a post to this specific concept. My fear of rejection isn’t the only thing holding me back. A certain wide-spread yet innocuous quip is another major factor.

How many times have you heard someone complain about how much they hate when someone bothers them when all they want to do is engage in their own world? How often have you made a joke about how you see someone walk in and you beg that they don’t try to speak to you? How about the times you’ve seen those quirky, edgy shirts with some form of “don’t bug me” plastered in massive block letters people often wear as a sort of half-joke?

I know I have, many many times. Like a record on repeat, I hear the same exact thing but packaged in a variety of different ways: “DON’T BUG ME.” While it’s not apparent what problem I could have with this statement, the inherent message I get from it is “Leave me alone, you are irritating me with your existence.”

That may seem like a leap, but I don’t think it’s much of one. Realistically, it’s what the phrase literally means. You can imagine what thinking you’re being told you’re bothering someone by approaching them does to someone who’s an anxious, people-pleaser type: You learn to fear doing so in hopes you won’t bother others.

The glaring problem here is that avoiding people = not socializing and waiting on others to approach first. Like opportunities, good relationships don’t often just drop themselves in your lap, ready to go. You have to seek and build them, and you will have to take just as much risk and effort as others do to do so.

Thinking about it, I can’t say that my interpretation of “Don’t bug me” is 100% accurate. I’d be a huge hypocrite if I were to say I never do or think the same in regards to other people. While I only know the reasons behind why I and a select few other people spew this message (thanks to asking them), I feel its enough to make a sound observation:

I’m overthinking it and misconstruing the message. Yes, there’s a good few people out there who 100% mean they want to be left alone 24/7, but the amount of people like that is possibly extremely small. The rest of society seems to use “Don’t bug me” in ways I initially didn’t consider.

Here’s what they may actually be saying:

“I’m busy right now, please don’t interrupt me.”

”I’m not in a good mood/mindset. I know I will react negatively if I am approached right now, please give me space.”

”I’m socially anxious. I do want interaction, but it causes me great distress when I’m ‘put on the spot’. However, I’d much rather NOT be alone”

“Please don’t just approach me to get something out of me. It’s happened far too often.”

”It’s just a silly phrase. I’m actually really social but I have a strange sense of humor”

”I’m in a current period of distress. Everything sucks, I suck, the world sucks, need I go on?”

”Everyone else is saying it.”

Rarely does the reason actually align with you in particular being the subject of their annoyance. It’s the situation happening at an unexpected or inconvenient time, or a need to set a boundary.

It’s not a bad thing to set boundaries. If someone sets boundaries against you, it's not rejection but rather protection. I get self conscious about something that isn’t even about me in particular, but rather a complex set of circumstances. It's a waste of time, opportunity, and energy to interpret the message the way I do.

I know I’m going to have to reframe how I interpret people’s messages. I can be far too literal (yay, weird neurology!) and people’s messages hold meanings and emotions that often complicate it far more than what’s seen at face value. In essence, when the phrase is used, people appreciate being approached and mean it as a joke, or are just occupied or in a bad mood.

In summary, to whoever needs to hear it: Stop overthinking it and don’t take it personally. Your fears that you are a source of frustration are often not reality. If you get turned away with an “I’m busy can we talk later?” or receive a short response, it doesn’t mean this is a sign to not try ever again. It’s merely the other person communicating and not an attack on you personally.

I understand it’s hard to face rejection socially for some people, but it becomes easier when you detach yourself from it: 

You’re not being rejected, the proposition of an interaction at that specific moment is being rejected. 

A boundary is being set. 

The person is expressing their unwillingness to move forward in a relationship. 

A subtle effort to reschedule the interaction is being made. 

People are not unlimited in their availability and attention so an unanswered message or approach is bound to happen. 

Just keep trying, and learn to face your fear. Your future self will thank you.

[pensat-i-fet]

12 Days of Christmas: Day 1 (Rúben Dias)

Day 2

Masterlist

Wattpad

"This is a bit pointless, Rodri”, you told your friend while you carried some snacks from the kitchen to the living room.

“Why?”

“I don’t know half of these people. How am I supposed to get them a good Secret Santa present?”

“No one cares about the presents, silly. Just buy something funny and cheap, like everyone else”, he said with a shrug.

After putting the food on the table, you sat down and saw Rodri grabbing the bag with all your names.

"Ok, everyone. Eyes closed", he said.

"What?", asked your friend Jaime. 

"It's so I know you're not cheating".

You were the fourth person to pick a name. And when you got it out of the bag and before you had a chance to open your eyes, your hand hit Rodri's and the paper fell to the floor.

"I'll get it", he said.

"Did you hit my hand on purpose?"

"No. What are you talking about? Here is your paper".

Instead of reading it, you decided to put it in your pocket. This game was so stupid.

                                                  **

"Are you having fun?", you heard someone ask you while you were grabbing another drink. 

"Rúben! You scared me", you laughed, trying not to blush like you did every time he spoke to you.

"Sorry. So, who did you get on your secret Santa?"

"Well, if I told you it wouldn't be so secret".

"Fair enough", he said laughing. "Well, whoever you got is lucky. I'm sure Cancelo got my name and God knows what he'll get me".

"The team's trickster?"

"You don't even want know".

He then moved to your left to get a drink for himself. Seeing him made you realise that was actually why you were in the kitchen in the first place. So you busied yourself finishing the drink to try and calm your nerves down.

"See you out there?", he said before taking his drink and leaving.

"Yes, see you".

And before joining everyone else in the living room, your curiosity got the best of you and made you check your piece of paper to see who you needed to buy a gift for.

Rúben

                                                  **

When everyone had left, you decided to help your friend tidy up.

“Rodrigo, this is why I didn’t want to do this!”, you said to him, showing him the Secret Santa paper.

“What are you talking about?”

“What am I supposed to get him? I barely know him”.

“Yes, because you run away whenever he talks to you”, he laughed.

“I don’t run away”, you complained. You only hid a couple of times. There was no need to make fun of that. 

“You could always write him a love letter”.

“I hate you, Rodri. I should have never told you I found him attractive”.

“No no no, you didn’t say that. You said you had a crush on him. Thank God for cocktails that make you extremely honest. Maybe you should invite him to have a drink or two so you can confess your feelings”, he teased.

“I’m not confessing any feelings or writing him a love letter”, you said and left him to clean by himself.

                                                  **

For the next two weeks, you continued doing your Christmas shopping and of course, worrying about what to get for Rúben. Rodri had proven to be of no help and just kept on telling you to spend more time with Rúben so this wouldn’t be a problem the next time. 

So when the day of the next party came, you made your way to Rodri’s with your stupid gift packed in your bag. 

When you got there, the front door was open. Maybe he left it like that so people would stop ringing the doorbell? But that didn’t sound like something your friend did. 

"Rodrigo? Why is your door open?"

But there was no response.

"Rodriiigoooo?? Where are you? Where is everyone?"

You actually thought you were late but there was no one there.

"Hello?", you heard a voice coming from the door.

"Hi?", and when you got to the door, you saw who it belonged to. "Rúben hi! How did you get in?"

"The door was open".

"What? I closed it when I got here. Have you heard from Rodri?"

But before he could answer, the kitchen door opened and closed again.

"What the…?"

"Stay here", said Rúben, while he walked towards the door.

"Ok? I thought it was better to stay together in these horror movie-like situations".

That made Rúben look back, and you could see he was trying not to smile. "I guess you are right, but stay behind me".

When you got to the door, you saw an envelope on the floor with both of your names written on it. You took it and read it out loud.

"Dear friends,

Since you are both incapable of telling each other how you feel, I wanted to help. I got Rúben's name on the Secret Santa after all. And yes, bestie, you might wonder how you also got his name but…well, that might have been me cheating and trying to get you to talk to him. But you still didn't so desperate situations require desperate measures.

In this envelope you'll find the address of the restaurant where there is a reservation under your name, so you can finally have your first date together.

Don't forget to thank me at your wedding's speech and naming your firstborn after me would also be appreciated.

Your friend who was tired of seeing you being two idiots.

Rodri"

When you finished reading, you looked up to see Rúben staring at you.

"Maybe it's a joke…".

"Don't", he said, "he's right about me. Is he right about you?"

"Yes", you said, making him smile.

"Then we better go on that date".

“What? Now?”, you said and looked down at your very simple outfit. What if the reservation was at a fancy place?

Rúben took the pieces of paper from you, brushing your fingers while doing that and forcing you to look down again to hide your feelings that he could have clearly seen on your face.

“We need to be there in half an hour. So there’s not much time. Should I drive us there?”

“Honestly, I don’t think I’m capable of doing anything right now so yes, you drive”.

He chuckled and took your hand to guide you to his car. Your blush was impossible to hide now.

Once at the restaurant you could tell you were really not dressed appropriately. The waiter’s face said it all but it was too late to go back home and change. So you tried not to think about it much. Being on a date with Rúben was making you extremely nervous already.

“So”, he started, “we haven’t really had a lot of time to talk. Just the two of us”.

“Yeah, according to Rodri it is because I was hiding from you”.

“You were”, he said, biting his lip and holding a laugh.

“I’m shy ok?”, you said, covering your red face with your hands.

“Hey”, said Rúben, taking your hands from your face. “It’s ok to be shy. Just annoying that we could have been doing this for a while but that got in the way. But it’s fine. You intimidate me a bit too”.

“Me? How so?”

“Well, it’s more the fact that you’re Rodri’s best friend. He’s bigger than me, I don’t want to make him angry”.

That made you laugh. Rodri was a big and strong guy, but he also had the personality of a golden retriever. It was hard to imagine anyone being scared of him.

“Well, you’ll have to treat me well, then. So you don’t upset him”.

“I was planning on treating you well with or without the threat of Rodri’s rage”, he said, reaching out to hold one of your hands and making your heart race.

“I…”, great, you were going to start stuttering now, “I have a present for you”.

“You do?”, he asked, confused.

“The Secret Santa that Rodri rigged?”

“Right. Where is that present then?”

“It’s really bad. I’m sorry”.

You reached for your bag and then gave him the little package. He opened it and laughed so hard that some people stared at him.

“The crap Secret Santa gift book?”, he read, laughing again.

“I told you it was bad”, you said, covering your face again.

“Stop that”, he said, but couldn’t stop laughing. “It’s ok. It’s just what Rodri told you. We need to get to know each other. Should we start now?”

“Yeah, why not?”, you said, smiling at him. “And if I bore you, you’ve got a book to read”.