#yes that's a communion wafer

[lotussart]

what if your vessel became your god

what if they offered your body to you in sacrifice and pressed it against your tongue and made you fight to feel them in your mouth, divinity under teeth and by swallowing the flesh of a god, you become holy too

what then

[neroushalvaus]

i'm a protestant but feeling moral superiority over catholicism because the theological and metaphysical beliefs surrounding communion are different is tired and stupid and didn't we already have this discourse in 1500s c'mon guys

[candyredterezii]

we finally got a keurig at work and my manager friend got a box of hostess flavored cups for them so i tried the cappucino twinkie one and

while i didnt like it much by itself

dipping my communion wafers in them was SOOO fucking good. almost better than them monkey style.

[hopefulbuthelpless]

i have so much respect for oilers girlies because i simply could never. like im sorry but every gif i see of them in their neon traffic cone orange jerseys my eyes hurt and yall just deal with that all the time? i admire the dedication. also you deal with cm97′s whole. media thing. and dont even flinch!!! crazy

[therealslimshakespeare]

The Passion of Johnny 🥀

Summary: Bucky Egan takes it upon himself to give some wedding night advice to his dearest and most cunty, capable and very Catholic captain. Did it have to be five minutes before the aisle walk? Did it have to be by the stale communion wafers? Did it have to have include practice fingering? Brady has so many objections but better to get this over with than have it bleed into Egan’s best man’s toast…

Requested? OH YES ✔️

Circa: late summer 1945

Warnings: so much innuendo and dirty talk, this is sex Ed, after all. Catholicism but it’s not really impacting shit beyond vibes, and a decent amount of homoeroticism…it’s war buddies in a church y’all. That’s a staple. Brief illusion to past male SA.

Full credit to my babe Ashely who more than co-wrote this, she was possessed by the spirit of Bucky Egan in our chat and out came this, I have merley sprinkled verbs and adjectives and cohesion throughout her masterpiece. And to Christi who added copious devastating one liners throughout and held my damn hand while I choked on this hotness

They’re in the back of the church, in the vestry room, attending to all those last minute wedding details -the ring checks, the tie-fixing, the last minute dizzy spells. And once left alone with him, Bucky spots the lump in the groom’s pressed slacks from across the room. He snickers. Ah this'll be fun. “C'mere kid...come talk to me.” he cajoles, “Ya fast? Ya loose? Feel like throwing up?”

Bucky claps him on the back extra hard and Jack coughs dryly, hands falling from his tie.

“Listen,” Bucky goes on without being answered, “good ole Father Peter Paul Frank whoever is gonna get up there and try and tell you all about marriage and devotion and all that jazz...and he means well. sure... but I wanna make sure this marriage starts off right...so let's have a little chat. I ever steered ya wrong, huh?”

“Bucky, I uh...kinda wanted a minute alone.”

Bucky racks his eyes over the pristine and quite filled out uniform. “Yeah trust me I got eyes kid, we can get you all settled so ya don't make a complete fool of yourself in front of the entire church.” Bucky for his part is smoking in church, after having lit a cigarette off the candles, and Brady supposes this talk is necessary. Not he thinks, for the education Bucky so benficently seeks to relay, but rather to stave off the likelihood of all these tips and tricks of the trade coming out in a groomsman’s toast.

Bucky’s rowdy, handsy behavior normally never bothered him. Until now. Every back slap and chest shove and cheek pinch has him feeling funny, tingly, oddly eager and terribly alive. Johnny shouldn’t have spent all night trying to tug one out in vain, now he’s a goddamn confused mess. But he knows he wants to please Bucky, unfortunately always has and in lieu of a father in his life today -though god knows this dangerous, grinning man is no replacement- he acquiesces. Jack takes a seat in this same room he did as a child to review his catechism and Ten Commandments, and marvels how despite all the partying of last evening and the week before, with booze and anecdotes and bawdy jokes flying like flack, Bucky would wait until they’re beside the stale, surplus communion wafers to discuss conjugal functions.

He's absolutely sweating and that makes sense, it’s August. But Bucky is clapping him on the back again, beginning the talk like they didn’t already do this routine, “Ya look great kid.” He compliments. “Almost as handsome as Ida.”

It’s a very sincere compliment, Jack knows this, and it makes him roll his eyes all the harder although his cheeks burn.

“Ya nervous? Yeah? Good. You should be.” —this is followed by a signature cheek slap. “-you’ve got maneuvers to learn.”

Jack’s eyes grow a little panicked. More than nervous then. He wasn't this hard before. But the more Bucky talks about ‘maneuvers’ he's getting almost fully so. Frantically smashing the front of his pants down, groaning, “Bucky, stop. I beg you, stop. I'm about to walk down the aisle!”

Another cheek smack. “Don’t fuckin' roll your eyes at me kid, where else ya gonna learn this? The goddamn Padre? Now listen up, those two fingers, raise your fingers, those two- what the hell is that one even doing? -not like that, c'mon take this seriously.” Bucky presumptuously adjusts Jack’s long, elegant fingers, “You ever felt a cat's tongue? You know how it's sorta rough, like sandpaper? Well there's this spot inside her, it's gonna feel sorta like that, only softer. And that's the magic spot, kid. I'm telling ya, aim for that spot and you'll be golden.”

Brady, he was pleased to see, was no longer rolling his eyes. The pupils, however, had taken over the blue. "Can I- can i get to it with my tongue, Bucky?"

“Uh, no, my dear young novice, but that shouldn’t stop ya from trying. Never stop trying to get at it with whatever, anything God or your job gives ya. Christ kid, you even seen a pussy before?"

Brady manages nothing more than a big swallow, "She showed me hers."

"She showed you- when?"

"Last Wednesday."

"She showed you her Tussy Muzzy last Wednesday? Holy hell, Miss Tilly!" Egan whoops loudly before Brady shushes him with a few scowling smacks to his chest. "Well, tell me, wha'd she say when she showed you her pussy?"

Brady begins to retract, "Sir I can't

-I can't say,"

"Oh listen up, listen up good and hard, right now. What a lady says? She means, and you should always listen to her, but she never says it when she means it. So you gotta remember it and file it away. To use against her later. Nicely, of course. Jack? Wha'd she say?"

Brady, with eyes heavenward and looking like all he was missing were the drops of blood, "She said she wanted me to take her and that it -it-it was throbbing and -fuck uh, that- that it would be mine Saturday, uh that’s today, that it’d be mine anyway? Oh Fuck."

Bucky, he sees, is eating this shit up. Bucky practically whoops again, right here in church. “Miss Tilly.” he murmurs in the most salacious voice ever. “Goddamn.” he utters, “GODDAMN!” a second time much louder.

Brady stares at the embroidery on the chapel cloth. Green and gold stitching interweaving to make leaves. Eternal life and shit.

“Well,” Bucky is rallying, “since ya seen one -fucking idiot not touchin' it when you could’ve…First rule of marriage: don't go turnin' down offered pussy. And you heard her, none of that timid chivalry shit, you take her, you hear me?”

“I’m hearing you sir.”

“Didn't think she was the type.” he whistles, still stuck on the fact that Miss Tilly Macon with her straw hats and white gloves begged Jack Brady to take her in a car seat just days before, “Right, well, tell me, did ya get a good look? Was she shiny?”

“It... glittered.” Brady spaces out recalling the petals of it in the red glow of the stop light.

“Well that’s good, we’ve got something to work from kid. Alright, that cat tongue I told ya about? Can’t get to it with your tongue, gonna need your fingers. Now c’mere, closer, come here dammit. Yeah ok, so,” Bucky holds up his palm, like he’s gonna swear an oath, “you're gonna find the spot and when ya do, you’re gonna rub and rub and keep rubbing -go on, try, try it against my hand, c'mon Jack don't be a prude"

Egan watches as Brady shamefacedly begins rubbing between Bucky's thumb and forefinger with surprising skill. The kid’s a natural. “Damn, fixing my headache, ok yeah like that uhuh.”

“It’s just the C major cord.” Brady rebuts with a small eye roll that morphs into a cringe in expectation of another loving slap.

But Bucky holds his peace and bites his lips, and Brady wants to please him so, he lets Bucky ramble on and do his odd little puppet show with his fingers.

When that is over, Bucky turns and casts about for his next prop before grabbing a stack of charity bibles, cigarette still hanging out of his mouth. He begins stacking the Bibles and pretending his fingers are now Tilly and Jack and the Bibles are a makeshift bed. Like Johnny doesn’t know what human limbs look like. And Brady, he knows he’s lost a great deal of mental capacity since seeing Tilly’s scared parts, -running into doorframes and spacing out during planning, to the point where Ida and Eugene think he needs to be shrinked- but this feels more than a little silly.

“Well that’s that part. But, back to the beginning.” Bucky straightens from his demonstration, puts one leg up on the desk and despite the absence of his animated fingers, the Bibles look terribly suggestive stacked there on the mahogany edge, “First thing,” he is pointing at Jack, “when you get upstairs, ya ask her...if she's ever had an ice cream cone in July.” Bucky is nodding with a big smirk that Brady feels like he should answer, “Know what I mean huh?”

Brady shakes his head and rubs his neck bashfully, to be perfectly honest he has suspicions but this is Bucky, and it’s safer to admit he hasn’t a goddamn clue. "I'm gettin' that the ice cream cone ain't literal.” He ventures.

“Trust me,” Bucky insists, “all this boring church business... the dancing, the punch, I'll make a nice little speech that won't make your ma keel over...soon you'll be the god damn ice cream cone right there in those nicely pressed pants.” Bucky saunters over to where Jack is sitting on the table top part of the desk, takes the back of his hand and whacks Jack's noticeable bulge. “There's your ice cream cone kid.”

Jack jumps back startled on the desktop, and Bucky cackles, muttering something about Goddamn Prudes and Jack has to keep shushing him.

“Anyway...so she gets a couple licks... and then..” Bucky is pacing and wagging his finger, “…you get a little taste of your own... real important now... work the tongue in that pretty little hole and get her started…”

Jack is about to hyperventilate at this point as Bucky starts throwing out more ice cream analogies. Lots about cream. And licking. Something about cherries. Then somehow baseball works it's way in. Predictably. So many bases, first and second and bats and stroking and more cream. There is a fly on the rim of the gold chalice, at least it’s stopped it’s buzzing little circles.

“Ya got stamina buddy boy?” -Jack has got no idea how to answer that. “Ya don't wanna be the husband who blows the second ya slide into home.”

“Trust me...after last night…” Jack grouches, letting the details slip through in his angry belligerence at his own stubborn erection.

“That sucker is from last night?” Bucky howls. “You friggin Catholics don't even wear rubber socks either do ya?” Bucky is rubbing his hands together, Brady feels half sick, half close to coming untouched from all this talk about condoms and such, “I'll be uncle Bucky before the year is out and the first one better be named after me!” Bucky crows, then softens as he sees Johnny’s overwhelmed face, “It's gonna be great kid, I'm telling ya.. worth all that Nazi camp bullshit.” He sniffs roughly, “Plus..uh, ya know Tilly seems like a swell girl...makes a decent meatloaf I heard...sickness and health all that jazz…” He comes closer and claps Jack on the shoulder a few times.

Brady feels the overwhelming and embarrassing need to assure him he’s always welcome to the meatloaf.

Bucky acknowledges this with a soft, saddened smile before his beautiful, capable hands slide up Brady’s stiff shoulders and come up to cradle Jack's sweaty, rosy face, “Damn proud of ya kid.” he swears gruffly, “Think of me when ya slide in tonight... Lord knows I'll be wishing I was there…” Bucky whistles but it doesn’t feel crass, not the way it did even ten minutes ago. Brady has a lump in his throat and a stupid desire to say ‘same’ but he doesn’t because it must be some sorta fucked for him to long after a man he fought for, a man he got ready to die with, a man he’d gone to hell for, a man who he’ll still be obeying. Even tonight of all nights. Maybe the camp fucked him up worse than he knew. Or maybe it’s just Bucky and how Bucky’s always been, how he’s always been around Bucky -always his aggravated fool.

Whatever Tilley will prove to be for Jack, she’s not that. And that’s as it should be. Still, he feels like meatloaf is a small thing to offer as those hands finally slide away.

💋 Hope you enjoyed! Feedback is a writer’s lifeblood, please feel free to scream in comments or the inbox, I love it and wanna hear it all. Trust me, nothing is “too dumb”. Your thoughts mean the world to me.

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[lover-of-skellies]

Blueberry: OOH, YOU HAVE A SNACK?

Lust: Yeah, do you want some?

Blueberry: YES PLEASE!

Lust: *hands him a piece*

Blueberry: IS THIS... A COMMUNION WAFER?

Lust: I like to eat a bit of Jesus after I sin, so I can continue to teeter on the line between heaven and hell

[solitarelee]

This post has been a gift of education but I think nothing may ever top the glorious tumblr of it all when pikachugirltits tagged cat-boy-cunny so they could give me their catholic wisdom

Calling All Catholics!

Weird thing for a Jew to post I know I know but hear me out here.

I would like to hear from Catholics (current and ex/raised),

what do you feel separates your religion from others (both other sects of Christianity and other religions as a whole? what feels unique or specific to you/your culture/your beliefs/your church? this can be theological beliefs, practices, or even aesthetics

what things feel "inherently Catholic" or "Catholic coded" to you?

if you don't mind, would you also include what subset of Catholicism you are/were raised in (Roman, Byzantine, Irish, Opus Dei, etc)?

As you may have guessed, this is for research, and I personally only have experience with Roman Catholicism (and limited experience at that, more cultural than truly religious). I would love to hear from a larger subset of people. My family is extremely Italian Catholic but that's just one very specific version, and I don't have much/any experience with any others. I'm curious to see what the common ground is.

Reblogs/signal boosts are appreciated as I doubt I have like a SUPER broad Catholic following myself lol!

[suraemoon]

MOTA: Post-war

~ Easter Sunday Headcanons ~

🐣: Easter Sunday lends itself so easily to daydreaming about post-war suburban life. Here are some ideas I thought up yesterday of how some of the boys and their families celebrate Easter. I hope you like some fluff. (Bunnies, eggs, and happiness galore)

💛: @precious-little-scoundrel gave me the idea to post these after I was yelling them to her yesterday. I hope you all aren’t Eastered out just yet.

Being some of the earliest birds to the nationwide baby boom due to a four-week New York getaway, the Crosby’s quickly become professionals at the Easter Sunday routine

After an hour of hiding yawns and dozing off while standing in their pews at Easter Sunday Service, all the neighborhood kids show up at the Crosby house for their famous annual Easter Egg Hunt.

As soon as their car rolls into the driveway, Jean and Harry watch in wonder as their crew of excited kiddos doubles, triples, and soon quadruples in a matter of minutes

Hiding spots are determined days in advance and as the years go on, the amount of eggs that Jean has to buy grows exponentially to account for the adopted little bunnies that come strolling by with baskets the size of their whole torsos

Mrs. Jean Crosby puts out chairs and a group of adoring parents get to gradually watch their children grow up before their loving eyes every April

The same toddlers who first waddled around on the newly mowed grass trying to find their footing all those years ago soon become elementary school kids with minds enthralled by the competition

Soon these toothy grinned kids become teenagers who keep the magic alive for the newest toddlers while also taking the time to show the next-gen elementary kids who are the professional easter egg hunters

The Crosby’s haven’t always had the holiday nailed though

One year after much convincing from his wife throughout the whole month of March, Harry agreed to dress up as the easter bunny

When he suddenly stuck his costumed head out from the top of their white picket fence, a church choir of crying and screaming ensued

Instead of being faced with the excited wonder-filled faces that he expected, Harry was met with wide eyes full of terror and dropped jaws full of shock

Children flailed to the protection of their mamas instead of going to hug the famous mascot of the season

He spent an hour going around to every child with his furry head off and shamefully cradled in his hands

apologizing and ensuring that yes, it was just Mr. Crosby, not a giant rabbit who hopped out of nowhere and scared the communion wafers out of them

In his adult life, John Bucky Egan never really cared for Easter festivities up until his eldest daughter was born

When sunny April came around the year that Little Miss Egan turned two, Bucky was excited to take her to the Easter egg hunt ran by the local Church

While the older kids go haywire in their now dirtied church suits and fancy dresses trying to pick up as many eggs as people they counted in church pews just a half hour before, Baby Egan waddles around gently.

Every egg she picks up is taken slowly and carefully from the soft grass beneath her Mary Jane’s, looked at with soft eyes as if being examined and if found fit, is put into her pink basket

Bucky, being impatient and full of excitement for this newly unlocked family activity, sneaks a few extra eggs into her basket to make it look like she has more

His little princess shouldn’t have to hunt for all her own eggs and risk getting her white lace dress dirty anyways

Egan is the only adult collecting eggs with a bunch of random kids. His excuse is that he and his little one share a basket of course. She needs her daddy to teach her how egg hunts are done in order to be better prepped for next year.

The Egan’s aren’t the only ones with a knack for egg hunts.

The Rosenthal children do not celebrate Easter but it does not stop them from showing up to the park’s “Eggstravaganza Hunt” every year

Being the determined little Rosies that they are, they dominate the competition. These kids will have their baskets full to the brim with eggs in a matter of minutes.

You notice a child with a head full of bouncy brown curls, pink cheeks, and grass stained knees run by you? You better hope that your little Bobby can keep up.

Rosie watches on like a focused parent at their child’s soccer game

His children with their chocolate and sugar covered faces furrow their eyebrows and tilt their heads when a random woman with a crying child tells them “Do y’all really need all that candy? Jesus would want you to share, don’t you think?”

The Mini Rosenthals come back home with sugar rushes that can power the whole neighborhood for a week straight

An upside for Rosie and his wife who have to deal with these energized little roadrunners is that the kids crash an hour earlier than usual

leaving room for extra alone time on a cool Sunday night

One easter, Benny Demarco randomly walks through the foyer of his home with a white floppy eared bunny wearing a perfect little bow tie

Is that the one you wore to our date last weekend? His wife can’t help but shake her head at her husband’s audacity as the children gather around their newest sibling with eyes full of happiness

The kids are excited but Mrs. Demarco has to try to put on a smile because “Who the hell is going to take care of that thing?”

Soon enough, a hutch is built in the backyard and more bunnies are added to the family

Mrs. Demarco falls in love and calls them her “bunny babes”

She’s met with a “I knew it was a good idea” from her husband every time she is seen cradling and baby-talking to one of their beloved pets

I mean…they are both major pet lovers. It’s one of the reasons they work so well together. But is one more responsible of the two? Definitely.

The excited squeals of children and adorable nose twitches of cute little bunnies makes it all worth it

The Demarcos aren’t the only 100th household with their own personal Easter Bunny

When John Egan jokingly told his four year old that leaving a baby carrot under her pillow would lead to a special gift from Mr. Easter Bunny himself, he did not expect her to take it seriously.

At midnight, Bucky wakes up with eyes hardly open and gets out of bed with a mission

This annual mission is to tiptoe into his daughter’s bedroom and carefully exchange the aluminum foil wrapped baby carrot tucked carefully under her soft pillow for a few cents from his wallet

As more children are born, the tradition continues

Even future generations of Egans continue to buy bags of baby carrots as Easter Sunday approaches

Not only to snack on them all of Spring Break but also to place one in a sandwich bag or wrap one in saran wrap to hide underneath each child’s pillow

Not necessarily knowing why they’re the only house that participates in this unusual tradition

Not knowing that it started from the unbreaking belief of a wide-eyed four year old and her father who stopped laughing when he realized that he was stuck playing off-brand Tooth Fairy for the rest of his life

Gale Cleven’s household has a more relaxed Easter Sunday compared to the rest

After Church, some Easter themed activities, and a well-needed nap upon arriving home, the Cleven’s go to their garden to plant new flowers

Fresh tulips, chrysanthemums, and pansies are all beautiful, refreshing signs that spring is here

Why do the Cleven’s have such green thumbs you ask? Maybe their blonde hair resembles the comforting sun, the plants can’t help but feel warmth. Maybe their caring blue eyes are as nurturing as water, the plants can’t help but thrive.

They started growing flowers and vegetables in their garden when the first after they bought their house

It was the Clevens’ first step towards making it a home

The flowers represented new beginnings, fresh starts, and growth. Essentials after everything they have been through.

————————————————————————

Hope you enjoyed! Wishing everyone a happy, happy Spring🌸 My first time writing something and posting it in 4 months…ahhhh. There’s more where this came from, my mind just does not stop.

[ranthebow]

Thoughts on Lucy, Undying by Kiersten White

It's been some time since I consumed Dracula media like so, a "retelling" of the original story, and it was very refreshing to see this from Lucy's perspective, a character often ignored or simply reduced to her death. Bram Stoker used Lucy as symbolism for the women he found shameful in his day and age, and that symbolism is all she needed to be in the original. So while I will say a few words on the story as a whole, I would like to focus this review on the characters. But lets start big.

~~ As always, spoilers ahead~~

This is a woman-driven, sapphic story that contains elements from other vampire media, very notably Anne Rice's "Interview With The Vampire", as the book jumps from different POV and times - Lucy's diary when she was human and the events of "Dracula" were taking place, Lucy as a vampire in modern day, being "interviewed" by her therapist about her life as a vampire, and Iris, an original character and the love interest of Lucy in modern times. Vampires are written as creatures of want, which includes the lust and sexuality of the original "Dracula" but is expanded into "a gaping maw" of loneliness and need for being understood. Crosses, communion wafers, holy water, all the items we expect to affect vampires don't work in this world if the person using them doesn't believe in them. Vampires can't occupy that space of love and devotion and belief. They are the exact opposite of all those feelings.

I've always seen vampire's need for blood less about the blood itself and more about the need for the humanity and vitality blood represents that they, as dead, reanimated corpses, can never truly feel again. And this writing plays directly into that so wonderfully, with blood playing a large role in the story, but not actually being the motivating factor for the vampires. Yes, they are always consuming it and often killing for it, but they really crave love, in their own ways. I also loved the lore around vampires changing form, the sun, and sleeping in unhallowed earth or their own burial site. The sun doesn't kill vampires, it just traps them in the form they are currently in, and if that form is fairly incorporeal, they have a hard time reassembling when it's nighttime. The therapist, Vanessa, tries to ask Lucy how vampires work and Lucy responds,

"...why do you dream? Why do you look at the ocean and feel awe? Where does love come from, and why does it feel so much like fear? There might be reasons for all those things, but do you need to know the reasons? Will that help you feel any of those things?" (pg 39)

And I think that's exactly how it should be with supernatural tales. A sprinkling of science, that vampirism is an infection that can get passed down to children if you are infected but not yet a vampire, but mostly just a suspension of belief, an understanding that you will never understand. Because understanding vampires is not the point of vampires in a story.

Vampire Lucy's conversations with her therapist were also my favorite because we got to see her throughout history in various locations, meeting other vampires that no longer know their names and instead are known as The Queen, The Doctor, and The Lover, another trope I completely love. But this is where the story, and the characters, start to fall short.

Lucy's first journey out of England is to China, a land as foreign to her as her vampirism. It's exciting and colorful, and shows us her separation from humans as the girls The Queen collects stay far away from her. This propels her into WW1, where she meets The Doctor and sees how pointless and sad the conflicts of men are. She tries to do something good, to end the war, and feels like she has, for a time, sending her to Paris where she meets The Lover and has a jolly good time coming to understand how broken being a vampire can really be. In WW2, she wants to bring good to the world in a different way, so she becomes a spy and meets The Doctor again. While I love to see a repeating character, I was excited to meet a new vampire, to learn something more about this world, and instead, the writing slows down. Lucy slows down. Gone are the magical places, lessons to be learned, and interesting characters exploring all facets of vampirism. Lucy sleeps for some time, the writing handwaves some years away where she hunts some vampires, and then she meets The Lover and The Queen living together, finds the therapist, and then finds Iris, in a matter of a month or so. Here starts the beginning of my critiques with this book.

We spend a lot of time learning about the history of Lucy - who she was when she died, and how lost she has been in death. She is able to get out of tricky situations and maybe even make something of herself in those moments, as we learn that she has inspired all three vampires we have met throughout her history to do something different and good for themselves. Her therapist, at the end of their time together, tells her for the first time that she isn't looking for Dracula, but instead she has been looking for herself, and that she needs to learn to love herself. She meets Iris almost immediately afterwards. The book tells us that she has learned to love through Iris, that she has found herself now, that Lucy has essentially broken the thrall Dracula has over her - but it doesn't feel that way. If we objectively look at what Lucy does and says from when she meets Iris, there doesn't seem to be that level of character growth. Could she have fallen in love in that time, and love was something she has always craved? Absolutely, yes. Does that mean it has fixed every other feeling she has ever had? I don't buy it. The story rushes to the climax once everything is revealed, only for one more "gotcha" moment to occur, and Lucy is so healed at this point that even the surprise villain does not really deter her. I did not feel tension in that scene because I have been told, over and over again, that Lucy loves herself now and she loves Iris and everything she has wanted is good and happy now. So what if Mina, her first love, shows up as the final, real antagonist at the end? I don't feel Lucy having a real internal struggle at that point. So, I don't buy it.

And this is where I really have a problem with this retelling. I do not read og Dracula because I love a specific character or the heroes are true heroes to me or anything like that. I like Dracula as a whole package, with every part as it is. Lucy being a symbol, as I stated above. So is Mina and Dracula, in that regard. But, I also don't actively dislike the characters, or feel like they did anything intentionally evil (on the human side of things). It's like when I was in high school and my teacher asked us to write an essay on who was at fault for the conclusion of Romeo and Juliet. While many students wrote about the Friar not delivering a note fast enough, or the families for feuding, I wrote about fate. These types of stories are written to be like this, if only a character was slightly faster or the conflict was not such a conflict, but, in the end, everything falls into its proper place in tell a story that is a complete package. I appreciate Dracula for how it is, even if I feel a character could have acted faster to save Lucy or cared a different way. So when this retelling vilifies every single character from the original, except for Lucy, who is constantly referred to as a child and an angel and essentially one who can do no wrong, this frustrates me. It feels ugly. At first I thought -and this is a bit harsh, I completely understand that - that this book was falling into a trap of sapphic content that hates all men. Because every man from the original Dracula ended up either so boring and pathetic that they were written off, or actively a murderer, a conspirator, or a pervert. It wasn't just that they were treating Lucy as less than, they were actively worse monsters to her than Dracula. This book suffers a little from it's feminism 101 type writing, for a lack of better language about such things, and I thought this hate of the original characters might be falling into that mindset. Then Mina is revealed to be the worst of them all, so while that lessens my feelings from above, it still confuses me that this was the choice made for this retelling. As a Dracula fan. I don't want these characters to just be horrendously evil. It doesn't feel like it matches the core of the characters that I know and am looking forward to seeing again.

And then there is Mina. Hilariously, this book suffers from the same issue I had with BBC Dracula, that I wrote a review about in 2023. In the final arc of the story, the true villain is revealed to be Mina in a way that is meant to shock the reader…and that's all. There is no other reason for it.

Lucy's entire undead life has revolved around Dracula (also hilarious, considering the treatment of the characters mentioned above). We have very fun 2nd person POV chapters from Dracula that increase in frequency when he is stalking Iris. Everything points to the conclusion of this book being a killing of Dracula and a tragedy of the romance, because killing Dracula kills all vampires he has created, which includes Lucy. I was preparing for the angst. I was ready for the angst. But no, Dracula is broken in a page, not yet killed so Lucy has time to save Iris, where it is revealed that it was Mina all along. Lucy has a moment of surprise that, to no one's surprise, she breaks out of because she is now healed of her past trauma due to Iris, they kill Mina, and happily go off into the sunset as now vampire girlfriends.

Now don't get me wrong, I love vampire girlfriends skipping into the sunset together. I'm happy for them! But I am seriously unhappy as a reader. All that build up for potential grief, for the satisfaction of a victory over Dracula after meeting vampires throughout the book that have been victimized by him…all of this waved away with the sentence,

"Mina is Dracula. She always was." (pg 435)

as the explanation and attempt to give the reader some understanding of this sudden shift. It's not enough.

I've been rallied to see Dracula destroyed this entire book, have mostly known Mina from how Lucy has loved her (even learning that Mina was in on the deception of Lucy as a human had little impact on me because she is not a character we know. We only see her through the eyes of someone else. Why did she become this way? Why do we care that she is the villain, and therefore should be killed?), and I am not satisfied by the final word on Dracula being that he is now scared of Lucy in a way that Lucy was once scared of him as a human. He is still the monster he always was. He is not broken. There will be more girls like Lucy created because they didn't kill him.

Lucy has tried to save people this entire book. I'm all for being a little selfish to take care of yourself and that kind of therapy, but this does not feel equitable in this world. Has Lucy been so healed from all that trauma that she no longer understands and cares if it's inflicted on others? It's frustrating and disappointing as an ending.

Overall, I have mixed feelings on this book. I do actually like the jumps in times and different perspectives, something I have read others saying they didn't like in this book. I loved how vampires were written. The prose itself is very good and the sapphic content was wonderful. But the characters and the story falls flat to me, and I struggle with calling this a Dracula retelling when it so cruelly removes anything about the characters that I know and appreciate beyond the basics of the story itself.

As is usually the case, if you like vampires and Dracula, I do recommend trying this out for yourself. These are purely my thoughts and feelings on the subject. I still had fun reading it, and I loved exploring Lucy as a character. This has given me fun ideas for my own vampire related writing, and maybe it will for you too!

Alright, I think that's all I have to say on the subject here. Tune in in another 2 years time when I pick up another Dracula retelling that makes me write essays about in on Tumblr, for some reason. I just have a lot of thoughts sometimes. Until then!

[mha-quotes-and-such]

Tsuyu: Oooh you have a snack? Shinsou: Yeah do you want some? Tsuyu: Yes please! Shinsou: *hands her a piece* Tsuyu: Is this... a communion wafer? Shinsou: I eat a bit of Jesus after I sin so I continue to teeter on the line between heaven and hell

[softlyfiercely]

so im looking at christian stock imagery for Reasons and im cracking the fuck up at this result for "bible study background".

how do we depict that someone is doing specifically christian bible study, but in an aesthetic background-y photo? put a plain wooden cross right on the book, and...hm...what else is christian aesthetic?

oh, i know. those little crackers.

yes. in this scenario, someone is reading their bible while just. snacking away on communion wafers. because they're jesus cookies, so they'd be what you eat while doing bible study, right?

these ones also appear to have some sort of cinnamon sugar on them??? of course, you'd want your jesus cookies to be tasty as you eat them from a small golden plate while you study your bible and fondle your random wooden cross. how else would they make a good bible study snack?

also, that's not a bible.

10/10 no notes, absolutely top notch.

[swifty-fox]

It’s not an ask but it’s about burnout John/priest Gale.

I can see so clearly that John in a way to mess with Gale would kneel in front of him to take the communion bread (I’m not religious but I know it’s not common to kneel for the body/blood of Christ) so Gale would tell him to stand up.

And John would just look at him all innocent like and say “why would you deny this simple gesture of reverence from a devout believer, Father?” Opening his mouth, waiting for Gale to place the wafer on his awaiting tongue. And when Gale does he would lick his thumb in the process looking him in the eye moaning a bit.

Gale would get so flustered he’d almost drop the wafer holder….

Sorry for the brain rot and yapping, can’t wait for the next part of Little Beast ❤️❤️

luckily for YOU I am not religious but I have spent way too much time in church.

So *ahem* background

Gale is not Roman Catholic but Byzantine/Eastern Orthodox. Blah blah history its basically the catholic church but they tend to worship the Virgin mary above either god or Jesus. It's a lot more conservative and more devout in a lot of ways. like I kinda mention in the fic, Gale when walking down the center aisle would kneel and bow at every single pew to the front cross.

I think its only for special occasions but you also bow and kiss iconography of the mother son & spirit.

I don't take communion as I find it disrespectful since I don't believe but I did receive my First in an Irish catholic church. While you don't kneel beforehand some people do after receiving communion. It's more of a quick bob down since there's people waiting BUT if its something slower or its just you you absolutely can and do take communion on your knees.

In the more conservative feild of gales church it would be very in line for John to have been raised to take communion while kneeling. Yes he turned that horny at a young age.

Gale would tell him to stand up because he knows what John looks like on his knees taking a very different communion from him. Body and blood is right. Suck his fingers and cross himself, hands in the proper order the way he's supposed to even though Gale is feeding him the wafer.

"thank you father."

[kaleidoscopexsighs]

monday snippet

thank you @kaaaaaaarf @achilleslikespeas and @wanderingdonut for the tags (as well as a very belated thank you to @lynxindisguise and @fruityindividual for tagging me a couple of weeks ago when my brain was soup)

Remus smiles pleasantly. “I’ll wait here with the other godless heathens.” Sirius rolls her eyes but can’t help smiling as she shuffles past her and files up the nave for Communion. She thinks she can still feel Remus watching when she reaches the altar; her mouth runs dry despite the tasteless wafer melting on her tongue.  She raises the chalice to her lips, drinking deeply to relieve her sudden thirst. Heat blooms at the back of her throat and spills down her spine, like hot wax from the prayer votives she and Regulus used to dip their fingers in — glossy, blood-red and dripping as they smeared and peeled and scraped it across their hands. Sirius crosses herself before making the long walk back to their shared pew. She meets Remus’s gaze and oh yes, there’s warmth — honeyed rivulets pooling and setting at the base of her spine.  She doesn’t want to scrape it off.

np tags: @worldenough-and-time @spindrifters @jamesunderwater @sommerregenjuniluft @lemndrps

[tarohonii]

i saw your post about jiwoo and his plot armour and ur so right!!! i love him as a character but that actually made me stop reading 💔💔 i’ll probably pick it up again at some point, but jiwoo actually needs to stop winning everything because it got wayyy too boring and repetitive and also super unrealistic bc wdym you’re beating the top people in the country or wtv is happening now

this is actually turning into a long rant sorry 😭😭 but it really dawned on me that it was a bit ridiculous when he ‘beat’ jurion because i get it could probably happen but it was sort of like… so everything just goes your way. exactly as planned. all the time. okay then where’s the conflict or excitement or any sort of cliffhanger or tension if i already know you’re going to win no matter what?? no matter who you’re fighting?? at this point he could probably fight kayden and win because he pulls out some fancy punch that caught him off guard and i wouldn’t be surprised

i also felt like i read about 200 episodes and he didn’t have any proper character development. i get he’s meant to be likeable but there weren’t really any proper flaws for him to develop, so while he starts as a sort of fresh character who’s nice yet powerful and a nice change from some others characters in the same genre he eventually becomes a bit flat?? it might have changed in recent chapters, but i feel like the writing let it down slightly

sorry to come into your inbox and just rant!! i thought i’d share a couple thoughts on it since apparently i have quite a few but it turned into this x

oh anon...u r so real for this. Come sit with me and be a nuanced hater.

I...do not really like Jiwoo. "But he's a precious bean! He's smol! Must protecc!" Yes, so true, you are so valid, but also consider he has the personality of a communion wafer and makes watching paint dry more interesting than reading his dialogue. He is perfect and it is unbearable-narrative wise. The main character propels the story-it is what the plot is centered around. So when the main character has nothing to give, neither does the plot. Someone go instill the hate of god in his heart or introduce him to twitter to something.

Also-the lack of proper development is SO REAL oh my god. He had one (1) revelation in the entire story, promptly after getting almost assassinated, and that was: "I want to get stronger for my friends!!" like...babygirl...that's what you've been doing this entire time..plz don't tell me it took you 100 something chapters to come to that conclusion.

This phenomenon is like-the doom of every korean action mawha. MC is OP, and has no discernable personality besides the like. 3 given traits given to them. No development, static plot, rinse, repeat. maybe the only exciting things that happens is a side character dies. It's like the webtoon equivalent of plug and chug math problems, so ig I got what I came for LOL

Also don't be sorry, feel free to come anytime and rant bestie!! I'll have tea and cookies for you next time you come around :)

[therealslimshakespeare]

do have any rosie headcanons? especially erm, ahem, *spicy* ones? (asking for a friend, plz/thanks)

Oh Nonnie, don’t I just! come on into the pillow fort, (don’t forget to bring your friend) and be careful not to crush Meatball’s paws.

Massive amounts of gratitude to my darling friends who contributed so very much found herein, some aspects word for word, and who are always there in my hour of need: @suraemoon @faegoddessog

Well hello hello. Is this a requested description or a love letter? Legit don’t know but here goes…

Cock-versations || Major Robert “Rosie” Rosenthal edition 🥇

nsfw (AF!!) below the cut

General Remarks: let’s just start this off with some entirely accurate blanket statement like- “this is the prettiest cock in the 100th.” Yeah we could get in the weeds and start measuring everyone up to see if The Nazi Prosecutor and Legendary Pilot of 52 missions and the 100th’s beloved Step Dad(dy) Who Stepped tf Up is indeed the biggest, but like, why? Because what we know without that experiment (although Lordy, what an experiment that would be??) is that this man knows how to use what he’s got. And what he’s got is substantial. Must I go on to euphemize the whole “piloting a school bus like a fighter jet?”

Sordid Details: Rosie stands for something else besides shortening that name, ok? This color is like…like Monet specifically invented it for the perfect shade to paint his waterlily and for the gorgeous and graduated pink hues of Major Rosenthal’s cock leading to the impossibly wide mushroom head that’s situated on a very plush pink base that’s almost as wide as it is long and so is in danger of appearing mildly shorter at times? but that’s mostly an optical illusion due to the girth. Yes we said Gale is packing the perfect dildo cock but beauty is in the eye of the beholder and so at a certain point one must ask: for some of us, doesn’t a little individuality almost add to the beauty than subtract? Such is the case with the Rosie Cock, it’s just special enough you could pick it outta a lineup but it also doesn’t look so unforgettable as to be mistaken for an elephant trunk or a betting pencil.

For your endearing consideration: beyond being the prettiest color and the most deliciously sized appendage, this man also takes care in his appearance, those short and curlies are kept nice and trimmed for your ultimate sucking pleasure and the pubes are a little surprise in themselves as, rather like his mustache, they have dark roots but there’s a definite glint of ginger to them when you get them out into the bright sunlight or when the sun is really pouring into the window. So, your assignment is to 1. outdoor sex, romantic picnic or lounge chair by the pool it don’t matter just no fox hunting. 2. Let this man throw the covers off after a night of passion and then you yourself wake up early enough to survey the landscape of him, as it were, i swear the prettiness will take your breath away

A Note on the Wielder of the Weapon: back to the whole piloting a school bus like a fighter jet… He’s packing but he’s not a pummeling packing sorta guy like dear Egan who will bully his receivers into orgasms, or Cleven who will soberly and expertly dish them out like they are communion wafers to be reverently accepted. Rosie, no, see, he’s both generous and also -fun. He’s a dork, he laughs when he shouldn’t and trains in his underwear -but one of those times to laugh is sex!! a little levity never hurt sexy times and some of the most truly romantic sex is fond and giggly while also full of expertise, passion and hours and hours of this man wooing the fuck outta you like you’re not already signed sealed and delivered as his. This is the sorta man to be able to line up y’all’s eyes, noses and lips all while undulating like a damn dolphin at the hips.

Finesse, my friends, finesse.

Twinkle Toes aspect: such a fucking tease and a dork at times, as we’ve mentioned. Also between his crazy eyes and his lawyerly self assurance, this man has terrifying capabilities to turn his virtues into villainous weapons. See: gaslighting. He can make you feel nuts for thinking he’s teasing the fuck outta you when he’s just been sitting here with colleagues. (Honestly? This could get intense but that’s for a darker fic at another time.) But to keep it chill and more in character, let us just say you’ve gotta be ready to be wooed for hours on end, and that’s not for the faint of heart. Neither is being discreetly fingered in front of his prestigious associates at dinner or in the elevator. Because he does that, so subtle and yet so intense. He’s 100% a “feral for no panties under that skirt” kinda guy, all the house chores he so sexily helps out with also means he can hide your underwear like a pro just in time for an outing.

In short: he’s all about sex all the time, but not in the rabbit-like aspect of some of his fellows, doing dishes is a natural form of foreplay for this man, he understands the inner workings of arousal, it’s on his mind all the time but it doesn’t mean he’s doing it all the time, and in fact, this is one of the few men who could put it in you for a few strokes, bent over the hood of his Chrysler after dancing and drinks, only as a means to tease you and then put himself back in his trousers and drive home while you get so desperate you actually start calling him Daddy. -not in the modern weird way (no shade but it stands) but in that 40’s sorta way, (which has layers of its own).

If ya know, then ya know.

One more addendum: once he’s inside you, this man’s face displays every wondrous, anticipatory, contemplative and blissful emotion that is part of the orgasmic journey, he also cums an extraordinary amount, you’ll think he’s done at last and NOPE, here comes another rope of the thick stuff. Which means that after the frantic over-the-edge-first-wave-of-cumming bit, he’ll open his eyes again and smile down at you as he works the rest out in a more measured but very lethal way, if you’ve not cum yet or are about to again, this is when he gets you and it’s made so much worse/better because of all the hot and slick stuff he just deposited 🥰 also…humming

[minamorris1857]

MINA MURREY/MINA HARKER APPRECIATION POST

One of my favorite things about 1897 Dracula is how Mina is portrayed. So often in horror/vampire genre, women are this Buffy the Vampire Slayer, sword wielding, physically strong heroine. And that’s great. Literature (and society as a whole) need female characters like that. But the heroes of Dracula already have a stake-wielding, explorer/hero type character. Mina is feminine and not the physically strongest person, but that doesn’t mean she’s not important. She uses her femininity as an asset rather than a hindrance. Their group doesn’t need another Quincey or Jonathan. They need a reason to fight, a loving figure to welcome them home when they succeed, and an emotionally and mentally strong woman who has the train tables memorized and someone to look at records and figure out what’s going on. Every other character is focused on taking down Dracula through brute force (or communion wafers) but Mina learns about the problem before she does anything else. And yes, she did fall victim to Dracula, but she didn’t immediately play the victim and give up. It made her (and her teammates) work harder than ever.

And yeah, maybe this is all because Bram Stoker was sexist and couldn’t see a strong women having genuine physical strength. And there’s nothing wrong with modern characters like that. But when did writers decide that women in vampire books could only be a Bella Swan or a Buffy? Mina was such a great character for me because she was relatable. She was motivated by love without being toxic or pathetic in the eyes of the audience or her fellows. I wish more people would appreciate Mina, because I don’t think I’ve ever known a character quite like her.