#yes its funny because it's gay. so am i. that joke was made to be funny to me.

[razette-moved]

Okay, so I just realized they keep saying 10,000 meters above sea level.

When I lived in montana we took the Bear Tooth Highway a couple of times-- Always going up, mind you. It's a BEAUTIFUL view.

At the bottom of the canyon there is Cooke City, Montana, not shown here. The highway going up to the top is a bunch of switchbacks. Going up keeps you on the INSIDE of the curves and away from the ledge. Can't decide if you could pay me to drive down instead. There are guard rails in most places. most.

The last time we went up we stopped at a rest stop that let you feed the chipmunks. You really shouldn't feed the wild life, but that was extremely out of our control. I can only report that they were SO FAT and SO cute. Like imagine what size you think a chipmunk ought to be? About a small handful. One of them there was like the size of the body of a grey squirrel. About 3x the size of regular little chipmunk. Adorable.

The view at the top is sparse, but also quite beautiful. I can only handle about 10 minutes of looking around however. The top is 10,947 feet above sea level and the air is real thin up there. I get a headache* and fall asleep almost immediately. I wont wake up again for like ages.

Whiiich also means I actually haven't seen much of the actual top of Beartooth which is actually really disappointing.

When we stopped inside the park it was a the first gift shop. On our way in I heard a guy tell his buddy my favourite joke ever. It's one of those happened to a friend of a friend jokes, but it's now been nearly a decade I can hardly remember the joke or if it actually happened to someone. I'll try my hand at it anyway. if you recognize it please tell the better version.

A man is on a trip with his friend over a brutally hot summer and when they stop he gets himself an ice cream cone. His buddy comes back from the bathroom and says, "Looking good, man, can I get a lick?" and the man, of course, responds, "No way!" His friend shrugs, "Yeah yeah, no worries. Can I get a lick of your ice cream instead?" The man stares at him a moment and then hands the cone over.

We had already passed the two of them, but weren't out of ear shot when I cackled much to the tellers satisfaction.

Anyway, the sky islands are twice the peak of the Beartooth pass, or over 6miles above our sea level. For more perspective, there are only 14 mountain peaks in the world at 5miles or higher above our sea level. wild.

[drchucktingle]

favorite author i have never read

hey there buckaroos thank you for all the DEEP DISCUSSIONS we are having a great time here on tumblr. thought today i could make a post that is slightly more difficult its not all sunshine days ahead and requires a little introspection. LOOK AT US we have all arrived here together through trust and love and i think we can keep this going. chuck made this post on other platforms years ago and i think it was said very well then and led to some good discussion, so i am going to repost here. okay lets go deep bud here we go:

i would like to spend moment today talking about common joke i hear online (and even too my face at conventions). this is jokerman way i hear ALL the dang time: 'chuck tingle is my favorite author i have never read' or less jokerman way but of ‘i have never read his books but i love chuck tingle'.

first of all, THANK YOU buds. this is not way of call out post to make you feel bad, i appreciate your way and understand you are trying to support. this is not attack on your message and from bottom of chucks heart THANK YOU.

BUT i have to say something about this. please consider what you are saying when you post this. would you send this as message to STEPHEN KING or NEIL GAIMAN or NK JEMISIN? i doubt this. it would seem VERY RUDE to message other authors. just imagine trotting up to a writer and saying ‘i would NEVER read your books haha’ but it is sent to chuck all the dang time.

obvious reason buds say it to chuck is that i am queer author with a unique way. yes i write in realm of wild fantasy and erotic pairings, but by saying ‘i have never read chuck BUT' you are really saying 'i am posting my support of this but PLEASE DONT THINK I AM REALLY INTERESTED IN THIS PERSONALLY.' there are similar distasteful jokes that i will not repeat involving saying 'no bud on bud pounds' after a sentence that works in similar way.

is sexual art really that bad? is queer art really that embarrassing? is unusual outsider art really that funny?

it is one thing if your preferred pound is not one of chucks tinglers, that is TOTALLY FINE BUD, but if you are an adult i would say 'is it REALLY that scary to read a book about a way of sex that is not yours? is it that difficult to think that something that seems silly to you could actually MOVE YOU in an important way? do you HAVE to disconnect yourself from lgtbqia art with a 'but i don't read this myself?'

keep in mind, there are gay tinglers, there are asexual tinglers, there are trans tinglers, there are select your own timeline tinglers, there are horror tinglers. TINGLERS FOR EVERY TASTE. the thing that buds are often REALLY saying with ‘favorite author i have never read’ is ‘this is WEIRD and dont be confused because im NOT WEIRD IM COOL DONT THINK I ACTUALLY LIKE THIS’. funny enough even the proudly fun and wild and unique buckaroos will STILL say this line, maybe without taking time to think of what it means or how rude it is?

WHY would you never read a chuck book? because my way is queer? because it is neurodivergent? even if that is not there reason or even if YOUR ARE ALSO PERSONALLY QUEER AND NEURODIVERGENT TOO, think about what the joke is IMPLYING.

is sincerely enjoying something thats kind of unusual that difficult? do we really have to slather it in irony and ‘so bad its good?’ before reposting?

in closing as man name of chuck i will say you can still make this joke if you want buckaroos i know you are just having a good time proving love in your own way. i am not upset with you bud and i appreciate your support in any way you give it. there are some buckaroos who just CANT AFFORD tinglers and that is an important way i understand as well. obviously this conversation does not apply to those buds. but for the rest of us trotting along, MAYBE think about what you are really saying with this jokerman way first, and MAYBE try cracking open a tingler because you might be surprised. its not that scary bud. thank you for listening

being sincere is VERY COOL and VERY PUNK ROCK. i encourage all buckaroos out there to give it a try.

LOVE IS REAL

[veryintricaterituals]

We need to talk about queer representation in What We Do In The Shadows

I'm just going to say it: for a show that claims to have great queer representation I sure haven't seen a gay couple in five seasons.

(The closest they've come is with Freddy and we all saw how that turned out)

Okay, I've been thinking about this for a while and I honestly don't love the discourse but fuck it. We need to talk about queer love and queer representation on wwdits and how it's not great.

Let me begin by saying that I love this show, I do, it's my favorite and I adore it and I am not going to stop watching it. But the internet holding it it as the be all, end all of queer representation needs to stop. We need to take off our heartshapped glasses for a second and think critically.

Now I'm not saying it's homophobic because it's clearly not, but a beacon of queer representation and love it is not.

Yes, it has its moments and when they come they are incredible (Guillermo's coming out episode my beloved). But if we stop and think about it for a second it becomes clear that same sex love in the show it's not treated with the same respect that straight love gets. And it's time to aknowledge that as a fandom.

It's 2023 and we don't need to be living off scraps or jokes made at our expense anymore. The times of Supernatural or Sherlock are done. But in wwdits we are, a lot of the time, the butt of the joke and not always in a good way. I'm begging you to think for a second about why the jokes are supposed to be funny, think of Laszlo and Nandor, or Laszlo and the Baron, or Nandor's guy wives... the joke IS that it's gay, there's nothing else.

And you know what? That could be FINE or it would be if they commited and treated gay love with a little bit of respect but they don't, not really. Show me queer love, stop just talking about it and SHOW it.

Or at the very least when you do show some semblance of it (looking at the season five finale, season three finale and a lot of other moments) don't immediately undermine it with articles about the power of friendship, it's the least you can do. We are just asking to be more than a joke.

It's like a reverse of what happened in Supernatural where after so many homophobic jokes it just turned kind of gay, it feels like after so many gay jokes with zero commitment behind them wwdits is starting to feel kind of hurtful.

I'm not saying they should have Nandor and Guillermo get together (though they should), I'm saying that after five seasons we should at the very least have seen a couple of the same sex treated with the same respect and love they've shown Laszlo and Nadja, Sean and Charmaine, or hell even Colin and Evie.

All I'm asking is for the show to make us more than just a joke or they're just going to end up circlying around and not looking great, and after five seasons it's starting to happen and I'm worried it's going to leave me with a bitter taste in my mouth by the end.

[kerubimcrepin]

Live-read: "Les Dessous de Dofus" - part 4

Yes, this is funny, because they both take themselves so seriously. But also, the fact that Kerubim talked to the king, implies that he's doing this weird fucking superhero thing to patrol the streets at night to calm his own nerves.

Kerubim's responses to stress are very fascinating becase they're usually "it'll solve itself" and "if I don't solve it right now I will lose my fucking mind", and usually, the more serious things go into category 1, and the more random, non-threatening things go into category 2.

I would give actual money to know if Kerubim says "tu" or "vous" here. And there IS a right answer to pick between the two.

Actually, I am not going to pay for that. At least in part because I can't, due to being in a country that isn't a part of SWIFT.

Anyway, yeah, he does in fact use tu for Atcham here.

HE'S LITERALLY SO FUNNY. THIS IMPLIES THAT THE WHOLE BODYSWAP THING IN THE MOVIE IS KEKE'S FAULT... And he made a lot of money off of that.

I love him so much, its insane.

If I said that this exchange between Bad Portrayal of Gay People and the boufbowl guy implies, through parallels ("he's a god" "no he isn't, he goes to toilet", "umm well actually--") that Joris's feelings for Khan are of romantic nature (a childhood celebrity crush.) I feel like everyone would say I'm insane and urge me to get my head checked.

[shaking head at luis telling keke his wonderful figure is bad] i would treat him right. babygirl

"He must have drank a glass of water... Silly accident." I love you so much, Luis.

Atcham learns intersectionality.

I understand that the joke is probably that this thing shows random things, but somehow, if this thing does, to some degree, show people's wishes, — Joris's reflection being buff and covered in boufbowl stuff, and Kerubim's having a frilly dress with an umbrella while making soup, fits together in a very beautiful way.

He's such a beautiful artist.

(guy who's insane voice) do you think that Atcham would like to be a good person and is haunted by the fact that, simply by existing in opposition to Kerubim he is expected to perform atrocities? Or do you think that to him, being the catboy Joker, is the only way he can be taken seriously and not belittled all the time, which is a good price to pay?

Do you think he actually has strong beliefs? Would do horrible things for love? Does he feel good about the warcrimes he commits in Waven, together with Kerubim and Jo——

Even while disguised, Kerubim can make him so angry it makes him look stupid.

:(

And here's the cat from the beginning of the comic. Yeah he's 10. Yeah Atcham framed him. It's insane.

God, please, let this say cunt in french too. 🙏

No, I won't check it this time. I don't want to be disappointed.

One of the three most beautiful Krosmoz characters, everybody.

[a-really-cool-blog-name]

Did somebody ask for adventure forward head canons that may or may not interfere with the actual canon because I haven't played the games in a while?

No? Screw you, you're getting them anyway.

Warning ⚠️ I am cringe, but I am free so I feel like that makes up for it.

VERY LONG LIKE INCREDIBLY LONG YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED DO NOT CLICK THAT SEE MORE BUTTON UNLESS YOU WANT TO READ ADVENTURE FORWARD HEAD CANNONS YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Also I say head cannons but like halfway through I derail into my AU of what crown of shadows and vein reveal would be like so I still think it's really interesting but I'm very biased.

("I hate celesteal!" I say, before making a bunch of head cannons around him.) I really like celesteal as a character I hate him as a person but I really love him as a character

Do not expect this to be arranged well it will not be. This is not chronological this is not even like grouping a character altogether this is really messy, I'm just getting all my ideas out.

The two different canceled sequels are both different timelines (that I may or may not make crossover in my head) and I have different ideas for how each of them would go so I will refer to them as crown of shadows (COS) and Vain revival (VR) to specify when it is only for one of the versions.

Anshine and Stratosfear are happily married.

I don't know if this is cannon or not but Sheldon definitely made Miobot. And also accidentally made him sentient, oops, sure hope that doesn't come back causing both of you to get forcefully ascended to a higher existence.

Celesteal admire humans a lot mostly because he can't figure out where they keep coming from (he does not know how reproduction works) and he can't figure out how to make one.

VR! The shard saver is his closest attempt to a human looking mostly correct but having the little quirk of her having pink blood and also thinking it is normal for a person to not remember the first 15 years of their life (She does not know she is not human at first) The shard savior is also the only one of his creations that he considers to be his child.

It took Celesteal a couple hundred years to figure out how to make a sentient being at that point he was kind of already cuckoo bananas.

Yawgate was one of his earlier creations and often accompanied him to where he needed to go because Yawgate does the portaling.

The pure points did not learn how to speak English properly they were just imbued with that knowledge shortly after they were made. Unfortunately they are all British because of this. (Celesteal thinks that accent is the most quote on quote "cool" and therefore he speaks in it)

Celesteal refers to everyone using they/them most of the time because he does not know how genders work at all.

The first Star Savior is a 39-year-old closeted gay man named Stefan. (I accidentally stole that name from a fanfiction like 2 years ago, oops)

Mason is a 40-year-old and is also a closeted gay man. The main reason he became the mayor is because his father was the mayor and his father is now dead. The hat wears is his father's. He is also really tired of the may or may not jokes, yes he has heard it before it lost its funny factor since he was a child and heard it from people saying that to his father. Stefan doesn't think it's lost it's funny factor and still makes those jokes.

Mason and Stefan are childhood best friends and may or may not (Haha get it) have feelings for each other. Unfortunately, that issue won't be resolved for another 300 years. (Talk about a slow burn)

The second Star savior is a 28-year-old man named Nicholas (I also stole that name from the same fanfiction I read 2 years ago accidentally, oops) who has served in the military. His only remaining family members are his aunt, who he has a rough relationship with and his cousin who he has a fine relationship with, but he hasn't talked to since before he joined the military.

Anshine is really bad at naming things like "if he had a Dalmatian he would name it spot" type of bad at naming things.

Stratosfear for a brief period of time forgot his own strength because he didn't really have to do stuff like opening jars when he had to play the role of the star steeler and he's kind of been trapped for 300 years so not a lot of time to get used to how strong you are with objects and stuff.

Stratosfear is immune to poison and venom because he himself can make poisonous stuff if he really wanted to. He can also make red metal into any shape he wants, he just thinks scorpions are cool and so has a bunch of metal shapes in the shape of the scorpion tail, that is one of the very few things he got to choose for himself in that time loop.

Evon has somehow managed to in all her years of being a cashier, which is two, meet every single pre-point and not realize it. Evon goes by Eve. Whett is Eve's boss. Whett and Randall are friends.

Eve lives with her roommate Rose who has very obvious feelings for her and Eve is oblivious. (Would really be a shame if something were to happen to Eve which caused Rose to never be able to properly tell her her feelings, ha. On a completely unrelated note Rose is actually one of Nick's ancestors so maybe that's a good thing because he literally wouldn't exist if they were together oops. This just in, woman (me) who can't handle tragedy made another tragedy.)

Umbra may or may not be in a cult?? It's really unclear to an outsider if it's a cult or just a really dedicated group of people to studying the Moon. She does have powers from this because I think that's cool.

If Cynosura had a nickel for every time he has been brutally transformed he would have two nickels which isn't a lot but it's weird that it's happened twice.

He got cursed by a weird gem thing that was in his backyard when he was like twelve. Given the fact that he's already cursed he can't be cursed again so he goes out looking for those items to stop anyone else from being cursed. (Yes, he has ice powers I thought it would be cool for his pre point to also have them, shut up.)

Cynosura and Umbra used to be friends before Cynosura's cursing and then became penpals because they couldn't see each other in person they recently have started talking in person again. I feel it is important to mention that Umbra literally couldn't care less that he was cursed, she's more mad he didn't talk to her in person for that whole time. (They're like in their thirties I don't know the exact ages)

(Wow sure hope Umbra doesn't see something she's not supposed to see and go to run off to tell him and drag him down with her to be higher being of existence forcefully accidentally because she couldn't keep it to herself) (also Celesteal gets Cynosura pointified Midway through talking about how they probably shouldn't know this and how one of them might get hurt because he quote unquote "thought it would be really funny" Umbra tried to punch him in the face, to little success.)

Despair is an orphan and is also distinctly not human. (He's not exactly sure how to say what he is in English so he just goes with what everybody else calls him, a demon.) he also chose that name when he was an edgy teenager, his friends call him Dee because it's kind of hard to take the name Despair seriously. Despair still finds the name cool even though he is going to be twenty soon.

Cynosura offered him a place to stay shortly after he lost his parents at like 10ish. He takes up this offer randomly and then randomly leaves. They consider each other to kind of be like Uncle and nephew.

Eve, Despair, and Laoin are all friends.

Laoin is part dragon because I think that's cool.

Funny random thing I thought of, Laoin is friends with Trussy (I don't like that name that much I kind of want to change it but I don't know to what) who is friends with Sheldon And Laoin is also friends with Despair who is friends with Cynosura so when Cynosura needed house repairs once Despair mentioned that to Laoin who mentioned it to Trussy who then paired up with Sheldon to help fix Cynosura house while not knowing him directly at all.

Ixol gets pointified last and only gets pointified because his entire friend group mysteriously disappeared and he managed to -in his grief- figure out almost everything he had a board with red string across it and everything he was like one pin away from figuring out the identity of Stratosfear, I am serious. He figured out that the points probably where his friends because it's a little suspicious that each time one of his friends disappears there's a new guy with their exact personality who doesn't remember their past, this happened to him like four times. Cyalm when he realized what Despair had figured out was shocked and really impressed because he proceeded to do that and then never do anything like that ever again.

Yawgate is not supposed to let the pure points into other pure points dimensions but he does it anyway behind Celesteal's back because he feels really bad that they wouldn't be able to see each other any other way. (Celestial doesn't really care that much, he knows Yawgates doing it he just feels like it's not worth his time to stop it. Yawgate doesn't know that Celesteal knows about that) Only reason he didn't visit Stratosfear for that whole time is because Celestial specifically blocked off that pocket dimension.

Morword is surprisingly optimistic for seeing an infinite number of alternative timelines that the future could go into many of which includes people she cares about dying. But she chooses to specifically not think about that.

Pasless is one of the only people who knows about the infinite amount of timelines cause unlike the rest of them there is only one him and he is just split apart infinitely, he does a surprisingly good job at keeping the different parts of him separate and not letting anyone else know that he is constantly doing that. He talks to Morword about it occasionally though. Morword doesn't let him know how much it bothers her that those infinite number of timelines that she sees do actually happen in a different timeline.

That whole speech Morword and Pasless gave about how "you control the future but can someone else control the past and if so would we know" was incredibly pre-planned, they practice that for like a month straight once Morword saw that someone was going to see them.

(Yes, I am a sucker for them considering themselves siblings, how did you know?)

Stratosfear has PTSD.

The Red x did not have a name he consistently went by until someone else decided to name him (I want the first star savior to name him but I am not sure if that directly goes against the canon) and then once he realized he could change his name he went ballistic with changing his name. Like, come on he did it thrice.

Blueband is one of the few humans the Red x personally likes blueband is very loyal to the Red x and as a reward for his good behavior he gets to be pointified and keep his memories (he's the red guy who tried and failed to guard the elemental points) he's a little upset that he can't wear his hat anymore due to the horns. When blue bands pointified form I forgot his name and I don't care enough to look it up see stratosfear he exclusively refers to him as the star stealer, this annoys Stratosfear greatly.

VR! The shard savior is a 20 year old (or at least she thinks she is) named Charlotte (hooray I didn't steal that name form that fanfiction I read 2 years ago) who, as previously established, thinks it is completely normal to not remember the first 15 years of your life and is Celesteal's favorite creation. (She does not know this)

VR! Verfection (Yes, he is a pointified version of the second Star saver, he has lost all of his memories.) is best friends with the Voxier. (Their friendship is the poster child for extrovert adopts introvert) Verfection is one of the very few people that Voxier actually cares about and makes them actually want to exist and not return to the nothingness he (supposedly) came from.

VR! Verfection and Charlie freaking hate each other.

COS! Arrolin and Ixol freaking die. And on a completely unrelated note Compale loses one of his legs. (They're not supposed to be able to lose those but voixer managed to anyway) You see the joke is that it's not unrelated Ixol dies so Compale won't, haha. (This just in woman (me) who, once again, can't handle tragedies has made another tragedy.)

Still COS! Ixol also had the ability to see ghosts and was able to see Arrolin's ghost she was happy about this, Ixol was not. Ixol could always see ghosts, he just thinks he's really lost at this time, he already knew he was probably insane this was just the tipping point for him to actually realize it. Once Ixol is dead he also becomes a ghost and realizes he probably should have told the others before he kicked the bucket.

Also COS! geez I have a lot of head cannons for COS! Said crown of shadows is a corrupting force that corrupts the user and when in a room with only one person will attempt to attach itself to said person's head. Voixer would have without the crown of shadows never tried to actually kill the points just try to figure out a method to go back to the void it's only the crown of shadows that gave him the idea of killing the characters in the story to also kill himself to end the story. Not that the rest of the points will ever know this except for Nicholas.

You know what I'm just going to tell you when it's not COS! Anymore okay?: Oopsie Daisy, Nick, you killed the guy who the crown was on and you were the only person in the room, guess what the crown is going to try to do. That's right! Force itself on your head. So Nick any actively crumbling building thing starts getting pointified, uh-oh. Luckily for him he's in an actively crumbling building (a sentence that has probably been said exactly once) and the rubble knocks the crown of his head, (Yay!) it also cuts off his arm (Not yay!) because he is not fully point yet and he does not get the neat ability to regrow his limbs until after one of his limb is already gone.

He wakes up surprisingly okay for just being under a crumbling building, he's also a point now and actively missing an arm and there's also this evil crown trying to get on his head so in his panic he tries it to stuff it in his bag, this somehow works in stopping it.

A little meme based off of that:

He's going to go by verfection now because he feels a little weird in breaking tradition of choosing a new name when you become a point. He also got the ability to see ghosts, get haunted by your dead friends, idiot. Surprisingly this is good for Verfection's mental health because that means he can't completely isolate himself. Voixer doesn't directly haunt him because he feels a little still messed up in the head and also feels guilt, a lot of guilt, and shame, quite a bit of shame.

Verfection just went back to living at his house because he didn't tell anyone where he lived. Verfection is not doing well because even though he got the crown off soon enough that he didn't go completely mad he still isn't doing great mentally and feels a lot of guilt because he got the memories of Voixer and now feels like he killed someone who didn't deserve it. He's mostly just trying to keep the crown safe to stop anyone else from getting it put on their heads. Surprisingly putting it in a bag still is working. Just for safe measures he locked it in a specific room that no one is meant to go into as well as putting it in a safe in said room. He still has not told his friends he's alive because he feels a lot of guilt and a lot of emotions right now.

Also Signol just loses her memory again, don't worry she'll get it all back when they managed to figure out how symbol breaking works in the crown of shadows timeline which I haven't figured out how they're going to figure that out but I know they will figure it out.

FINALLY WE'RE DONE WITH CROWN OF SHADOWS FOR NOW

VR! Verfection was actually a scrapped idea that Celesteal had he scrapped it because he thought it was too similar to the first star savior's fate. However those scrapped ideas came out whenever the world started literally breaking.

None of them know how points work (except celesteal for obvious reasons) exactly they mostly got it figured out but sometimes they'll just figure out something completely new about how they work for instance,

Okay after this point I'm just going to specify when the vein reveal section is done: There would be a boss fight between Stratosfear and Anshine in which they would fuse and then not figure out how to defuse until after they were uncorrupted. After Celesteal was brought back he revealed but that's just a thing they can do and I've always been able to do he just never mentioned it before.

Despite the fact that Yawgate is on the side of "we need to bring celesteal back or else the world will literally end", it is important to know he is one of celesteal's top five biggest haters. Probably being biggest hater number two or three. He was often threatened with being erased from existence by him and over time him threatening to do that to people that you love and actually doing it at least once causes you to dislike a person over time.

In the final fight of "we shouldn't bring back an evil dictator who literally locked up a guy for 300 years cause he thought it'd be funny I guess" vs "okay but we literally need to bring him back or else the world will literally end we hate him too" Verfection accidentally cuts Charlie's arm off which simultaneously makes Verfection's symbol break due to the intensity of it all and causes Charlie to realize that she is indeed not human because her arm is bleeding pink and is shattering into shards that are actively rebuilding themselves in front of her. All of the same time celesteal is actively getting remade from the shards collected.

Celesteal did not intend to come back after being killed he did not think that the world would just shatter into pieces, he thought it would be more like a crown of shadows if anything. When he does come back he's like "Oh. Oh. I messed up didn't I? I made a miscalculation somewhere... :D Hiiiii Charlie! <3 My favorite creation! How are you doing? Oh, you've grown so much! What are they feeding you around here?" And everyone's just kind of standing there like "what".

ALRIGHT I THINK THAT'S THE END OF IT

I definitely forgot some of my head cannons (I have a lot) but this post is getting so like incredibly long I think I'm good with ending it here.

Ending notes:

"Why do half of the pre points know each other? It's not very realis-"

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫 I don't care. And they all live in pretty close vicinity just because that's easier for me. And by pretty close I mean no one is more than like a city away.

"Where are the elemental points? You barely mentioned them."

Shut up they're still there I just forgot their names and I don't have a lot of ideas for them all I know is blue bands pointified form I forgot his name was supposed to be guarding them, he failed at guarding them. They all want the crown of shadows because it is immensely powerful even though it's a corrupting Force I don't know what happens next I haven't thought about them nearly as much as the others.

I also have several au's including the previously established vein reveal and crown of shadows au's I explained above and several others including "pathetic loser villain OC makes Nicholas have a bad time" (ASK ME ABOUT HIM PLEASE) and "what if Verfection was a pure point" and other various ideas.

[lunarriviera]

no one, literally no one:

so funny story, instead of doing work i was trawling the depths of a tumblr tag, as one does, and i began to uncover a vast conspiracy a bunch of thirst traps of 金世佳 jin shijia, so i investigated further.

yes, these are actually him and so here they are, because if i had to be exposed to all this selfie game so too do you. explanation of one of them to follow. trust me, you will want the explanation.

"that's not an actual poster for anything," you say. "definitely not in china," you say. "it's a manip!" you say. WELL THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT TOO but it absolutely is not, it's from 2013 and it's an actual poster for a completely dreadful-looking series called 爱情公寓 iPartment (yes that is the translation) that ran for 5 seasons and over 100 episodes, with a couple of standalone movies attached.

look i do not judge, apparently after it became clear that jin shijia would never be an olympic swimmer he went to grad school in japan, and at one point was so poor that he had to choose between buying cigarettes or a bento box (he picked cigarettes). and then he came home to shanghai in 2009 and made—whatever this was. so, you wind up making a drama poster completely in the nude with a clothed man's hand on your ass. hey we've all been there. more fascinating facts about iPartment and/or its infamous poster: first of all netizens were shook:

The poster immediately caused a commotion on the Internet. Netizens reposted it frantically on Weibo, saying "Love Apartment 3 has unlimited sexual love and is becoming more and more trendy." Some netizens also found it difficult to accept this: "For a long time, Love Apartment has always followed a fresh and fresh approach, but suddenly it became so fragrant and heavy-flavored. I really couldn't accept it for a while." [mtl from the original]

it sure is fragrant alright. the director's defense? it's all about the brotherhood, man:

Director Wei Zheng responded: "This poster is just a kind of publicity for us. There is love, friendship, and brotherhood among the tenants in Love Apartment, and what this photo shows is brotherhood.”

[op having flashbacks to the supernatural fandom and jokes beginning "i don't know what you do with YOUR brothers, but"]

finally, the show apparently had several openly gay characters and it ran from 2009-2020 so that...sure is something. china, you make about as much sense as my mother and i love you the exact same way, excessively and with a lot of crying sometimes.

now i understand why jin shijia is so excited about under the skin on weibo all the time. compared to iPartment, under the skin is prestige fucking television. poor jianci tho. "i have to work with this guy. the naked poster guy. i'm an internationally famous singer and dancer, i've made wuxia, do i really need this role. for why am i doing this"

PS in case this random deep dive into jin shijia wasn't enough for you, he also had a cameo in captain america: civil war so let that sink in

[bedforddanes75]

let me try to word something Hold on

basically i see a Lot of talk abt humour online and what's 'lawful' or which jokes r okay to make and stuff and lowk i think its a ridiculous argument. like. ok take gay jokes for example. ive heard a LOT of gay jokes that were So fucking funny. like laugh out loud my stomach hurts funny. not just Oh haha. and like. you Could argue that those jokes are completely wrong to make because they perpetuate stereotypes and keep the harm to those communities alive and going. and its like. okay, yes, but...no. i really dont think online spaces are a place for humour (usually. i think its fine sometimes but use your head and think about it yourself) because at least one person (when you have a sizeable platform like most people trying 2 be funny Do) is going to feel bad about it. so take the post i made the other day about gay clubs and music. i said something like "youre gay you should know good music" and its like OBVIOUSLY thats a stereotype and maybe it was distasteful for me to make that joke but ? it was funny. i Will say that because bitch it WAS. so if three thousand people saw that post instead of like thirteen, then there without a doubt wouldve been somebody "calling me out" for my homophobic jokes who felt hurt by that. and its like YEAH i probably wouldve apologised and deleted the post because ! i dont wanna hurt people ! so. what does this show us. Audience Matters. all humour is subjective duh you know that But something i havent heard said is that humour Relies and lives off its subjectivity. if you take red scare dasha idk her surname for example, as far as i know Red Scare is meant to be satirical ? BUT . again. humour is subjective. and what keeps it alive is how its received rather than how its shown ? does that make sense. her shooting range insta story for example. id say that is a Bad Joke because SOOO many people are gonna take that seriously and be more likely to be outwardly hateful to palestinians and pro israeli etc etc. and so because of how its received you have to joke accordingly, if she hadve said like This Is What Stupid People Say or something then it mightve been fine. but she Didnt. whether shes serious or not does not matter At All because its the way its received that matters. like. wtf am i even saying Ok whatever. bye

[hunterswings]

If you didn't know, I'm bi (actually). I'm going to tell you my coming out story.

The day started out normal but then I had an idea. I texted my friend (They knew but my mom didn't, pathetic I know). it went something like, "I want to come out to my mom today," I said. "Rn?!" she said. "Yeah," I said. "Well how the fuck are you going to do that?" she said. "Help me," I said. We talked for a while, but she just told me to do it myself because it's my own problem. She was right, she's straight, she wouldn't care.

I made a TikTok video because that was my hobby. (Yep, it just gets more and more pathetic) I texted it to my mom and I waited all day. I wanted her to see it. I will link the video at the end.

My mom never saw the video and there I am, trying not to cry. I am texting my friend again. Guess what? She is in all caps "Yelling" at me to come out. Yep, I remember, "TELL HER RIGHT NOW!" she said. "I can't!" I spoke. "Just fucking tell her!" she said. "I'm sorry" I said. she just kept doing that. i just kept apologizing.

My mom was in my baby brother's room to tuck him in. I came in and saw her. I was panicking. Wow is this really about to happen?!?!?! "Mom.... I need to talk to you..." I said quietly. "Okay," she says clueless. "Um.. can we go in my room..?" i say. She looks concerned.

In my room she leans against the door and i sit on my bed. "Mom... I'm... I'm bisexual," I stutter, almost crying. i feel dizzy and scared. "Do you even know what that means?" she asks. I know I'm a child but im not stupid "Erm- yes.. It means I like boys.. but i like girls too.." I say (And yes, i was trying to mimic Nick) My mom sits on the bed with me. Shee gives a whole speech about how my mind could change. Friends she had that thought they were gay but married boys. I didn't remind her that i wasnt gay. I'm bi, actually. (i really wish i had said that line). She even told me it could be a phase because its POPULAR?! Ha. funny joke. I knew she was reffering to Heartstopper. I know damn well if my classmates knew i watched it i would get bullied (more).

after she left i told my friend that i told mom. I tell her how it went. I put my phone away and i try to sleep but i just lie awake and sob.

The next morning my mom was cooking breakfast and i came into the kitchen to say good morning to her but she immediately starts talking about it again. SHE LOOKED THROUGH MY PHONE?!?! She was talking about my texts with my friend about it. I was so mad! Lesson learned, when speaking about something private, speak Spanish).

I'm still friends with that girl but i never told her how bad it hurt. If i do she might leave. Oh well its fine ig.

Link to the video: https://www.tiktok.com/@maskedyt1234/video/7272823142530190634?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id=7292529370877478430

[dearfuturehusbandblog]

Honestly, WTF

Dear Future Husband,

Have you ever wanted to just scream at your mother "OMIGOD! SHUT THE FFFF UP!!!!!!"?

Cuz if you haven't I don't know if you'd ever actually understand me.

I went to a shiva call last night with MotherLivelyHeart and one of the sons of the deceased is a man in his mid 50s, who has been divorced multiple times.

He's a funny guy. He seems nice enough in general. His job is something minimum wage (I assume based on the description) that he has been doing for a long time despite having the background and knowledge to do something more with his life. (I know, who am I to talk, right?)

Well, right before we left he asked my mother about her husband (spoiler: she doesn't have one) and he asked me about my age and situation (spoiler: mid-30s, not married). And he then asked why I'm not married (spoiler: just read this blog). I told him that everything happens in its right time.

While I was saying that he (as a cross-talker from a family of cross-talkers) asked something like "you're just not ready?"

And MotherLivelyHeart, she should live and be well, started going off about how "SHE IS READY! She's BEEN ready! She just needs to get married already and MOVE OUT!"

Except she went on longer than that about all her kids and our situations and how it breaks her heart and all that crap. Like, OMIGOD SHUT UP. THIS DUDE DOES NOT NEED TO HEAR THIS, NOBODY NEEDS TO HEAR THIS! STOP ASSUMING YOU KNOW WHAT I AM AND AM NOT READY FOR! STOP TALKING ABOUT MY SITUATION WITH A TOTAL STRANGER, AND OMIGOD JUST SHUT UP!

(Also, I guess she's already forgotten how much I actually do for her and how much help she needs on a constant basis because of how much pain she's in all the time, but whatever.)

So anyway, then this man said to me "I know a guy. He's a doctor." But considering all the jokes he'd been cracking earlier, I kinda' thought he was kidding in that old NY Jew kind of way "I knowa gai, he'sa dakta'." You know what I mean?

My mom then cracked some quip about all Jews being doctors, he laughed, and we left.

Well, on the way home, my mother says to me "You know he's been divorced multiple times, right?"

And that seemed kind of out of left field so I was like "Uh... Yeeeah?"

And then she said, "I think he's interested in you."

So I said, "No, he said he knows a guy. He's a doctor."

And she said, "Oh, I didn't catch that."

I was like, "What? I thought that's why you made that joke about all Jews being doctors."

And she said, "No, I just heard him say the word doctor and thought it was apropos."

Like, what?

But either way... what the hell was she trying to get at there??? I think he's interested in you. Like, ok... and?

Was she trying to tell me I'm oblivious to guys' interest in me? (spoiler: I'm not)

Was she trying to gauge if I was interested in him? (spoiler: I'm not)

Was she trying to tell me I shouldn't be interested in him? (spoiler: I'M NOT)

Did she think I WAS interested in him!?!?!? (spoiler: I'M NOT)

I left that entire interaction so confused.

It's been hours and I still have no idea what she intended to say with any of that.

Regardless, dear future husband, you are not he and he is not you. For I would never marry a man old enough to be my own father.

Cuz ew. Just ew.

For the record - yes, I am an agist.

Because ew. Just ew.

-LivelyHeart

Ps - absolutely no shade to anyone who does date way out of their age range because everyone has different tastes and different life experiences that color their tastes. My taste is "not someone young enough to be my child or old enough to be my parent."

[giuliano-fan-account]

happy pride mont

Well I guess I could share some drawings since usually I just dogpile everything I want to say into 1 post and don’t necessarily have room for the art which is sad.

So I decided for pride month I’ll just dogpile some of my art that I haven’t shown here relating to my favorites from hxh kind of being like those 60 color packs of crayons.

I draw kind of like a crazy guy and I have a fair bit of art so I’ll make a cut off line to not clog...

Btw so I dont jumpscare you the art is of Izunavi and Giuliano, Shalnark and Chrollo, & Muherr and hehe a not canon character (In that order)

Hehe i just have some portraits of Izu for fun here not necessarily ship or anything related but I just wanted to share them Since I made them a while ago and he looks very nice:

Ok but it gets a little gay here so urm: Happy pride moth:

I made this one because I wanted them to have a happy life that I knew they could never have!!!!!!

I made this one because THEY BOTH LOOKED SO GOOFY IN THAT ONE PANEL THAT I HAD TO REMAKE IT I COULDNT DO IT

just a funny little drawing for fun that I stayed up a little too late making 1 time because these guys just kind of carry me away..

On valentines day I was having a rlly bad time a really bad day and everything and then I made these guys and everything was better 

MS PAINT BRO

I made this one in ms paint and it makes me so happy man... I have it as my background screen on my computer rn i didn’t intend for this drawing to bang so hard but also I kind of drew it intending for it to be like the only house that’s not on fire yet because that’s a song that’s perfect for these guys hear me out

I made that one at like 2 am and yes it was to this song and to me it is objectively about these guys

I guess it could be a projection bc i just wanted to squeeze that guy bc hes just so funny and silly and I love these guys and giuliano is just like me for real so it’s fine 

I care about them a lot man I even made an article on the shipping wiki for them because I uhhh I uh help I urm

I have... another one that I ALSO made an article for... and it brings me extreme distress as well as extreme joy

we have our 2nd place to Shalkuro :100:

I have a lot of art for it I’ll make a post for it one day I swear and it will be insane in length because I really need help man ... If izugiuli is my comfort ship this is the REASON why I need comfort

proceeds to show harmless nice little drawings:

I saw that trend everywhere so this is a rlly recent drawing but I made them with the barbie and ken because I... well come on... its literally perfect okay

gooberish little drawing because i was bored

THIS WAS A REDRAW OF A GOOFY GARTIC PHONE DRAWING MY FRIEND MADE SO THATS WHY IT LOOKS KIND OF STRANGE I tried my best to replicate the essence

shalkuro as teens ig comfort (I relentlessly got called gay for this one Stop jules bullying 2023) 

Im a little crazy so maybe I did make another omori hxh au and a lot of it is Shalnark in the au or Shalnark and Chrollo

Redraw of the sticker because hehe

THIS IS BASED OFF OF AN UNFINISHED FIC I HAVE thats not necessarily ship related but also is but also you can interpret it any way you want and imo it’s so cute

I’ll finish it one day.

Another ms paint art but it’s inspired off of bad apple for actually no reason other than that I think it would look cool and I went through 5 stages of hell trying to draw this but I made it out fine

God I want to talk so much about Shalkuro since Shalnark is ALSO just like me for real and I actually haven’t before on this account and it’s kind of my soundboard for talking abt whatever relating to hxh but I really think I should save it for a post of it’s own..

Anyways onto the next one its a little funny thing

I shipped my self insert with Muherr as a joke ok but now its kinda funny and I like it and I actually rlly like these drawings i made for it

dont ask why he looks drunk its a long story

I had to make this it was honestly too funny for me not too and I love it so much EXCEPT for the fact that I realized that my self insert looks so much like pariston in here

Im supposed to have dark hair but I just didnt feel like coloring it in there bc the lineart looked good enough to me

but yeah muherr x jules otp forever /j

hapy pride month whoever or whatever you are whether your gay or not!!!!

dont forget to have fun and be a kind neighborly person like me 

[trenchcoatsbi]

Hi :)

I am here to be gay about Racer :)

so get this out of the way because oh my goodness it's funny to me, after the strike was settled, every newsie who could come had a party in (uhhh forgetting the name. uh the dinner we gathered at :thumbs up:), and Racer quite literally pulled me on top of a table to dance with me. um, he also accidentally pushed me off. fell right onto Sniper. poor kid, he was so over his head but oh my goodness get a better family. I did and will hold thatg over Racer;s head forever :D

Umm so while I may be aro now, in the past I wasn't and this leads to... an interesting combo of feelings. for instance, I remember kissing Racer in alleyways a few times. so now when I remember this in part I feel a bit weird at the idea of kissing somebody but oh my goodness so so so many butterflies. i cannot believe we had the guts to do that /pos

also during king of new york, Racer was up on a table and did (mostly retorical) do the whole 'aint I pretty, it's my city' line. However while most people were having good fun I was sitting in my chair, staring at Racer like he was the center of the universe and was narrowly avoiding saying 'yes. yes you are.' out loud.

genuninally how was Spot the only person who had a vauge idea something was going on and he just covered for us. he didn't know but he knew there was something between us and he did not give a fuck.

me and Racer did almost everything together. When I tayed at the abandoned lodging house, we slept on the same bunk. we made it so that we had the same selling areas, when i didn't stay at the lodging house and I saw Racer on the streets I pretty much just bolted towards him and didn't let go. when we would go get food, we always knew what the other person wanted.

oh. during Once and for all, just while we were getting ready to take the papers and run around the city, Racer and I held hands in front of the others. Nobody talked about it, but it filled me with a lot of comfort. We had already planned it so that we'd be only a street or two from each other, so that if we got worried and nervous we could go get reasuacne that we aren't alone. we did that a lot during the strike actually. any time we could, we'd hold hands. it meant that we weren't alone, no matter how hard things got.

My Racer... I love him so much. and now he has joined the ranks of Mari and Skizz, having at least one ask dedicated to rambling about him. - Voidling Anon

awhhhhgh

sorry i took a sec rereading this cause geez about half way through my brain decided to just start throwinf tomatoes at me like I just told an awful joke. but augh thats your guy fr! rghghagh i know with noncanons its always iffy on if you’ll ever find your folk but that’s all so fucking sweet mate. i really hope ya find him and all the other people who you miss one day

[hyperazraphael]

There's got to be reason why I despise people saying "Yaaas" at this point. For straight people doing it it's just this weird imitation of a "gay thing" played for laughs. I have known straight people (usually women) who do it constantly and gay people who also do it unironically constantly and there's just something about it that grates my nerves endlessly.

🤔 Thinking on why it grates my nerves obviously when straight people do it, it's has this annoying "Aha! I made a joke like those funny gay people. Oh those funny gay people" vibe but to me when some people do it, especially younger gay folks it just reminds me of how when I first went to college and got to be out of the closet I affected a lisp and higher voice because I was acting and talking the way I thought gay guys were "supposed" to act, not because it was me but because I was encouraged by culture to incorporate it into what "being gay" meant and I've definitely seen other guys do this too. I was actually really unhappy and uncomfortable with myself because I always felt like I wasn't "being gay right" because that just wasn't me. Later in my life I've known fem guys who just ARE like that. That's who they are and they're happy and it's just like, okay cool that's who you are, shine on you bedazzled rainbow you.

Maybe it's also because I've been stuck in several situations with guys whose ONE personality trait was "watches drag race" and several people whose only perception of gay people is "all gay men are like the people on drag race" who actually get uncomfortable and weird when I'm just like, "Yo so have you played the new Pokemon?" and not just bursting into a room going "Yaaaaaaas bitch slaaaaaaay". I don't remember the exact conversation but there was this one girl at work, in her early 30s like me, and I helped her with something on her computer and she straight-up said "Yaas queen!" at me and got really huffy when I was just like, "Uh... You're welcome?" And we kept having uncomfortable little interactions like that the entire time she was there, like her telling me all about which members of BTS she shipped with each other while I was trying to work on someone's insurance quote. (My unfortunate first exposure to K-Pop might I add.) Other people who have happily called me "queen" too and I'm just like, "No. I am gay. Gay ≠ Queen. You cannot use that word like that. There are people in our community who are proud queens and deserve every bit of your love and respect and by lumping all gay people under that umbrella you have diminished the value of their shine."

I'm absolutely just pondering outloud now so excuse my stream of consciousness but it's hard to explain and understand why people imitating a certain set of behaviors or sayings, and I'm mostly thinking of ones that have been primarily popularized off Drag Race and its offshoots at the moment, just bugs me so much. Sometimes I can't help but think, "Ah yes that's great, haha yep you said the funny gay thing. So when was the last time you spoke up to support the gay or trans community? ... That's what I thought."

Honestly the more I write on and think about it the more I feel like straight people and "one personality trait" people just ruined "yaas" and "queen" for me to the point where regardless of who's saying it or how genuine they are it gets on my nerves. For anyone who was a gay guy during the big "Yaoi Girl" boom you might understand the weird objectification that can come with that territory. The difference between gay "fans" and gay "supporters".

Idk I'm too tired to think on it more I just had to write it out of my head.

22 Animals Who Are Like YAAAAAAAS

OMG it’s a snow day?! YAAAAAS! YAAAAAS, they have a vegan menu! GASP is this a Gilmore Girls marathon? It is?!?! YAAAAAAAAS! Oh you are workin’ those shoes, honey, YAAAAAAAAS! YOU GOT ME BEYONCE TICKETS?! YAAAAAAAAAASSS! I found the last one in my size! YAAAAAAAAS! YAAAAAS, we’re having class outside today! Nordstrom Rack is having a sale! YAAAAAAASSS! Those shoes just gave me my entire life, child, YAAAAAASSS! YAAAAAAAS, The Rock just put new workout pics on his Instagram! YAAAAAAAAAAS the government shutdown is finally over! Open bar?! YAAAAAAAASSSS! YAAAAAAAAAAAS, we’re getting the band back together! Half day at the office today, YAAAAAAAAAAAS! Finally got in at the nail shop! YAAAAAAAAAS, honey, yaaaaaaaaas! Did you lose weight because OMG, YAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!! YAAAAAAAAAS, it’s free sample day at Costco! YAAAAAAAAS, I got an A on that test that I didn’t even study for! New Scandal comes on tonight! YAAAAAAAAASS! This view is beautiful, YAAAAAAAAAAAAS! I just found $20 on the ground, YAAAAAAAASS! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSS!!!!!

[dankusner]

Sedaris — Audience with the Pope

An Audience with the Pope: David Sedaris on a surprisingly fashion-forward outing in Rome.

Personal History

The Hem of His Garment

I thought that the e-mailed invitation was spam.

“Nice try, Russia,” I said to my laptop screen.

But the Pope really did want to meet with comics and humorists.

By David Sedaris September 2, 2024

If you were to say to me, “You can be in a room with either Chris Rock or the Pope,” I’d say, “Chris Rock, please.”

Nothing against the Pope, but he’s never made me laugh.

Neither has he come up with a viable solution to America’s gun problem the way Chris Rock has, saying that the firearms themselves can be unregulated but that every bullet should cost five thousand dollars.

“O.K.,” you’d continue. “Julia Louis-Dreyfus or the Pope?”

“Oh, no question,” I’d tell you. “The cursing on ‘Veep’ amounted to poetry, so Julia Louis-Dreyfus.”

“Stephen Merchant or—”

“Stephen Merchant.”

The same goes for Stephen Colbert, Mike Birbiglia, Tig Notaro, Conan O’Brien, Whoopi Goldberg, Jimmy Fallon, Ramy Youssef, and Jim Gaffigan—most of whom I know or have met at one time or another.

The crazy thing is that I didn’t have to choose between any of the above and the Pope.

For reasons I will never quite understand, I got to be in a room with all of them—plus a hundred or so others who had also been summoned, without much advance notice, to the Vatican on a late-spring morning in June, when Rome was hot but not so hot that all you could talk about was how hot it was.

Like everyone I spoke to the night before our papal audience, when, minus Jimmy Fallon, the American contingent gathered for dinner, I’d initially thought that my invitation—which was sent by e-mail—was spam.

“Right,” I said to the screen of my laptop.

“Nice try, Russia.”

I didn’t click on the attachment until Stephen Colbert assured me that it was legitimate, and that the Pope really did want to meet with comics and humorists from around the world in three days’ time, and at six-forty-five in the morning.

The invitation made it sound like there’d be a dialogue, as if the Pope had questions or needed to ask us a favor, something along the lines of “Do you think you could maybe give the pedophilia stuff a rest?”

Everyone’s got a Catholic-clergy joke up their sleeve, perhaps one they heard at a party.

Mine is:

A cop stops a car two priests are riding in.

“I’m looking for a couple of child molesters,” he tells them.

The priests look at each other.

“We’ll do it!” they say.

Substitute rabbis or Baptist ministers for priests, and you’ll get nothing.

I mean, the Catholic Church earned those laughs, and every time its senior clerics look away, or quietly send an offending clergyman to the back bench, it’s making this scandal larger than its ministry, at least to an outsider such as myself.

“Can you help me turn this around?” I imagined the Pope asking.

“How can we get back to the sex-starved-nun jokes we all so enjoyed in the past?”

This is a man who had just been caught using an Italian word that translated to “faggotry” for the second time in three weeks.

After our visit, which was covered by seemingly every news organization on Earth, the gaffe would be brought up again and again, especially in comment sections, by people convinced that, had they been invited to the Vatican, they’d have stayed home in protest, or perhaps would have attended and then caused a scene, most likely one involving paint.

It didn’t bother me, though.

When I heard that the Pope had said “faggotry,” I laughed, in large part because it’s a funny word.

Then, too, it’s not something you’d call a person—it’s not like “Shut up, fag.”

Rather, it connotes behavior:

“Take your faggotry outside, please.”

Pope Francis can’t preside over same-sex marriages, but he created a firestorm within his Church by blessing gay people about to be married.

“If they accept the Lord and have good will, who am I to judge them?” he asked, in 2013.

Then, yes, he said “faggotry,” but he apologized for it.

Both times.

I don’t think that he’s a homophobe so much as an eighty-seven-year-old.

(“I said what again? Really?”)

My feeling is that if you want a church that is a hundred per cent gay-friendly, go join one—there are plenty to be had—or start your own.

“Yes, but I want Our Lady of Sorrows to celebrate Pride Month,” I can hear someone whining.

It’s like going to Burger King and demanding a Big Mac.

If you want a Big Mac, go across the street to McDonald’s.

Jesus.

Also, I wasn’t bothered by the Pope’s use of “faggotry” because I’m not queer; I’m gay.

The difference is that queer people are offended by just about everything.

Gay people just wonder what they’ll wear to the Vatican at the crack of dawn, and what the proper etiquette is.

“If he holds out his hand, you can opt to kiss his ring!” my friend Leslie, who was brought up Catholic, wrote when I told her I was going.

I was raised in the Greek Orthodox Church.

There, we kissed the priest’s hand when receiving Communion, though twice I moved up a few inches and kissed his watch instead, just to see how he’d react.

“Actually, no,” another friend wrote. “This Pope hates having his ring kissed, so if he holds out his hand, just shake it.”

I was in Sussex when my invitation arrived.

It was eight-thirty in the morning, and by lunchtime I had my plane ticket and had booked a hotel within walking distance of the Vatican, which, like the city-states of San Marino and Monaco, is its own separate country, and could thus be added to a list I have on my computer titled “Countries I Have Been To.”

The Vatican would be my sixtieth.

There’s another list on my computer titled “Stars I Have Seen.”

People don’t count if they are onstage in a concert or a play.

They have to be at large, or at an occasion we were both invited to.

According to an online article my travel agent sent, one that referred to my fellow Vatican invitees as “yucksters,” I’d soon be adding two American comedians, a British one, and an actress, also American, to my list.

“Plus the Pope,” Hugh reminded me when I told him that I was definitely going.

“Oh, right,” I said, the way I might have had he said, “Plus Sully Sullenberger.”

I guess I’d been limiting my list to entertainers and people who aren’t in show business but dazzle nevertheless, like Ann Richards, the late governor of Texas.

If I don’t see the Pope as dazzling, I suppose it’s because I’m not religious in any way.

On my deathbed, I’ll likely cover my bases and beg for forgiveness, but not until I’m coughing up blood, or see Hugh reaching for the plug of my respirator.

Does that make me an agnostic or a flat-out atheist?

I do believe there was someone named Jesus who was a revolutionary, but I don’t think he was God’s son, or that he was resurrected.

It was a shame that I was invited to the Vatican, actually—like sending me to the U.S. Open when I’ve never watched a football game in my life.

I thought of the millions of people in the world who’d give anything to meet the Pope and realized that I knew only two of them:

my friend Ewan’s cleaning lady and Stephen Colbert, who’s so Catholic he taught Sunday school.

The dress code on the invitation was daytime formal, which I was told amounted to shined shoes and a suit.

The only one I had at my fingertips was bought nine years earlier, when I was invited to Buckingham Palace.

The late Queen hosted tea parties every summer for do-gooders of one stripe or another, and I was included on account of all the rubbish I’d collected by the sides of British roads.

She and I didn’t meet, but I saw her—she was standing within hearing range, close enough for me to comprehend how truly tiny she was.

Her feet were the size of hot-dog buns.

We’d been told to leave our phones and cameras at home, but everyone around me had snuck one in, and they were all going bananas.

Me, I’m just not a picture person.

Am I glad other people have cameras?

Sometimes.

Like at the dinner Stephen Colbert arranged the night before our papal audience.

I look at the photos of the assembled guests and wonder, What was I doing there?

Why not Garrison Keillor, Tina Fey, or Donald Glover, to name just three of a thousand more qualified people?

It was like a reproduction of “The Last Supper” with one of the disciples replaced by Snoopy.

“Does anyone have a favorite God joke?” Colbert asked as our final course was served.

“It doesn’t have to be your own.”

“Unfortunately, you’re still out of the woods.”

For most of the evening, I’d sat across from Whoopi Goldberg, who had no appetite and passed me all her plates after just a bite or two.

That meant double servings of four separate pasta dishes, two steaks served on rafts of eggplant, four rich smothered dumplings, two tomato salads, and two cherry-and-goat-cheese pavlovas, plus all the food I snatched from the plate of Jim Gaffigan’s youngest son, who was seated to my right.

Now my pants no longer fit, and my watchband was cutting off the circulation in my left hand.

Even my throat was swollen.

I cleared it before taking the floor.

“So God tells Adam, ‘I’m going to make you a wife, a helpmate, the most beautiful woman who ever lived. She’ll be terrific in bed, enthusiastic, and uncomplaining. But it’ll cost you.’

“Adam asks, ‘How much?’

“ ‘An eye, an elbow, a collarbone, and your left ball.’

“Adam thinks for a minute, then asks, ‘What can I get for a rib?’ ”

The polite but underwhelming response I got from people who tell jokes for a living—who fill stadiums—should have taught me a lesson.

Instead, I told another one.

“What’s the worst part of having sex with Jesus?

“He’s always wanting to come into your heart.”

Thank God Colbert told a joke as well.

It was, he warned us, decades old, and one of the first he ever wrote.

But at least he wrote it.

Mine were ones people had told me at book signings.

I don’t belong here, I thought, embarrassed, for the umpteenth time that evening.

Usually, I comfort myself by remembering that everyone secretly feels out of place.

Here, though, I’m pretty sure it was just me.

That said, my fellow-guests were welcoming and, it goes without saying, terribly, terribly funny, just as they were at six-forty-five the following morning, when we met at an entrance gate near the Pope’s living quarters and were led to a magnificently frescoed room in the Apostolic Palace.

There, we joined the hundred other people who’d been invited: more international writers and comics, most of them from Italy.

I knew only one, a woman named Luciana Littizzetto, whom I’d met years earlier, in Turin.

She was the only non-Vatican representative to address the crowd that morning.

Her remarks lasted a minute or two and were in Italian, as were the Pope’s.

The assembled group stood and applauded as he entered the room and took his thronelike seat before us.

It speaks to the man’s humility that he allows every rank-and-file clergy member to outdress him.

The cardinals were resplendent in their black cassocks, which had bright-scarlet buttons and a matching sash called a fascia.

Better still were the Papal Gentlemen, who wore morning coats and white bow ties coupled with elaborate bibs, often with medals hanging off them.

The Swiss Guard looked like Renaissance-era toy soldiers in their multicolored striped outfits, standing just so with feathers in their helmets, their halberds held before them.

Even the friars in their dung-colored robes and sandals were more strikingly dressed than the Pope, who looked a bit mother-of-the-bride in a white cassock with a shawl-type thing over his shoulders.

He wore a skullcap and, around his neck, a cross on which you could have crucified the late Queen of England.

The Pope read a prepared statement of which we were each given a copy.

It amounted to: laughter makes the world go round.

His voice was soft and passionless.

At one point, he got a reaction by sticking a thumb above his ear and wagging his fingers, but, as one member of the American delegation said afterward, “we really just laughed out of politeness.”

The part that moved me took place after his address, when, row by row, we were led up the aisle and personally greeted.

The Pope remained seated and shook each of our hands.

Some people brought him gifts; others leaned in to tell him something.

I think I said, “Thanks for having me.”

Standing before him, I felt the same pity I’d felt for the Queen and would feel for anyone who has to meet people for a living.

Nothing stirred inside me the way that it did in 2015, when, rounding a corner at the White House, where I’d been invited to talk with some speechwriters, I happened upon President Obama.

For a moment, standing there with my mouth hanging open, I feared that I might spontaneously combust—with respect, with pride and awe.

The encounter with the Pope, though, was like meeting the Dalai Lama: not an inconvenience by any stretch, not uninteresting, just “Oh, hi.”

Many people, after the handshake, walked a few steps, pulled out their phones, and then took a selfie with the Pope in the background.

It was so tacky.

I said to the Italian seated to my right, “You’d think he was Santa!”

As at any good fashion show, the majority of our time was spent waiting, but the clothes we saw made it all worthwhile.

The difference, I thought, was that these outfits weren’t for sale.

Then my friend Austin wrote from the States and told me that while in Rome I had to go to Gammarelli, a bespoke tailoring business, founded in 1798, that’s been dressing the Pope and his associates for generations.

It wasn’t too far from my hotel, so late in the afternoon I went with Julia Louis-Dreyfus, who wore great clothes and was seemingly up for anything.

I’d worried on the walk over that Gammarelli wouldn’t sell to laymen.

“I’m going to tell them that my brother is a priest,” I said to her, “that he’s my same size, and I thought this might make for a good Christmas present.”

I figured they must hear that a lot, though, so when the time came I told the salesman, who was young and slender and spoke very good English, that I collect religious garments from around the world.

“He’s actually a noted historian,” Julia said.

I looked at her, like, Fuck.

If I wanted to be put on the spot like this, I’d have come with my sister Amy.

“I also study history,” the young man said. “What is your area of concentration?”

I panicked. “Sometimes I write for magazines,” I told him.

What I wanted was a black cassock.

That’s the ankle-length robe Catholic priests wear.

I wanted one because they’re slimming, they’re classic, and they’re beautifully made, at least at Gammarelli.

“We start by choosing the wool,” the young man said, handing me a book of fabric samples.

“Then we select the buttons and take your measurements.”

A Gammarelli cassock generally takes months to make and involves several fittings.

The price, which is steep, reflects the high quality of work that goes into it.

That said, it’s not as involved as a bespoke suit—there are no pants to worry about, no zippers in this case—but it is intricately pleated and lined.

I was still willing to go ahead with it and was being measured when the young man left the dressing room and returned with a cassock that was already finished but had never been collected.

Perhaps the priest who ordered it had died, or had been sent to prison.

Whatever the case, it fit me very well except for the length, which could easily be adjusted.

Next came the Roman collar.

The outfit’s fine without it, I thought, until I added it and realized, Whoa, you really need the collar.

Then came the fascia, and I got two—the classic black one and a scarlet model that a cardinal would wear.

“Is it against the law to dress like a priest?” I whispered to Julia as I did up the last of the thirty-three buttons, each of which symbolizes a year of Jesus’ life and leaves you wishing he’d been crucified at twelve, especially if, like me, you’re developing arthritis in your fingers.

I loved the idea of wearing my cassock on the street.

Then I imagined myself walking along and being approached by a person in distress or, worse yet, by another priest asking me if I’d heard the news about Father O’Shea or Archbishop DiMaggio.

“A cardiac arrest, not two minutes into the Eucharist!”

What does one say in that situation?

“Oh, sorry, I honestly just liked the robe. It takes ten pounds off!”

The next day at the airport, awaiting my flight back to London, I saw a priest wearing the very outfit I had beside me in my suitcase.

He was heavyset and bearded, his black hair gathered in a short ponytail.

What’s it like to know that you can never marry or even date someone?, I wondered. More than that, what’s it like to have faith?

To look at a solid argument against your God and say with absolute conviction, “I think I prefer it my way, thank you.”

My Greek grandmother was like that—kept a crucifix the size of a hand mirror in her bedroom and kissed it until her lips wore the plating off Jesus’ stomach.

Cried when she saw Billy Graham on TV, even though she didn’t understand what he was saying. “Jesus blessie,” she’d whisper, crossing herself whenever we passed a church, any church.

Tie two sticks together and her eyes would water.

My father had maybe a third of her faith, and his children, for whatever reason, none.

I wanted to tell the priest at the airport that I had just met his boss, the Pope, that I’d shaken his hand and been given a rosary in a leather pouch.

Without seeming creepy, I then wanted to ask what he was wearing beneath his cassock—underwear and a T-shirt?

Cutoff shorts?

Dress slacks?

Jeans?

Is it every man for himself, or are there rules?

I hated to think I was missing something.

[swaglord-3000]

haey gang btw im not back i think idk i just remembered tumble existed so that's fun1! i have autism . in love w . mushroomhead its a big giant hyperfixation for me actually i am a numetal blaster yep NUMETAL NATION RISE UP official new special interest added to my list : slipknot . also maybe mushroomhead not going to lie because its kinda crazy how obsessed i am bcos why im out here doing deep dives on facebook. FACEBOOK. AND MYSPCACE. MY . SPACE. (using wayback machine) every other day bro. like im not kidding. im out here listening to side project bands i can now flex that i listen to and am a fan of a handful of bands that have under 100 monthly listeners on spotify .

my priv twt on my private twitter all my mooties day in day out just see me talking about mushroomhead n none of them know what i am talking about to them i am now their mushroomhead moot i am probably now the biggest fan of mushroomhead in Australia lowkey it makes me want to kill myself

ive discovered the excess of yaoi faggotry that hides behind the scenes of mushroomhead and its a little crazy how they are all gay for each other like fym they all go out on boy dates w each other fym jmann n dr f have almost kissed fym jmann n church have almost kissed fym shmotz n rick had sex (real ones know haha just a little funny thing im referencing for any mushroomhead fans out there haha the little jokes i make haha!!) like FYM SCOTT CALLS STEVE STEVIE... WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT DO YOU MEAN

the list goes on btw i have so many pictures so many videos of so much fagginess its actually insane like what the fuck why r all these (mostly) midwestern (mostly) 40-50 yr old men doing being GAY with each other why why why why are they doing that!!!!!!

by the way i am so desperately in love with rick stitch thomas its actually not okay its also lowkey like worsening my bpd and my autism like its actually kind of scary the depths i have gone to learn more ab this man its ok guys im so silly and whimsical!!

anyways if anyone care to know my fave mrhers are . rick , scott, steve, church, shmotz, diablo, ryan, dan, tommy, benis, gravy, waylon, jmann, joe (gaal)

i was going to like do my main favies but i felt bad leaving some people out so its like. KIND OF? IN ORDER hang on let me order them actualy

rick, scott, shmotz, steve, dan, tommy, church, ryan, gravy, benis, diablo, waylon, j, joe

ok order still a bit scuffed but just know that like . all those guys r my fave ok. but esp like . rick n scott n shmotz n steve n dan n tommy n church i love those guys a lot the most too

any other mrh fans out there followed diablo n then he followed u back or was that just me and i had a main character moment also does anyone know why scott is fucking counting down on his facebook bcos week or smth ago he was like.. 30 days!!!!!! n then a couple days ago he was like 20 days!!!!!! and i don't know what he means by that but then like October last year he was like on his facebook he was like be patient... its all coming together.... N I WAS LIKE HUH1?!?!!?!!? WHAT ....

idk if its a new album because i feel like w j quitting touring n rick doing his nightmare Cleveland (ALSO YES. J IS NOT COMING BACK SHUT THE FUCK UP HOLY SHIT. he quit touring. that's that. he's not on hiatus not coming back he quit touring. . but i think rick is coming back because he's been very adamant in saying that he hasn't quit he still very much wants to come back n misses the band) . anyways i just feel like its too soon n whatnot but idk MAYBE IM WRONG.

i know that there IS. or HAS. been new music made because rick has said like last year or something that he heard some of the new music eventho he's been out of the loop which btw is worrying bcos i love rick and i don't want him to lose his footing in the band and suddenly he's just out of it eventho he is kind of very much in skinnys pocket and is like skinnys #1 goon in mrh sorry any delusional people but its kinda canon .

bt man whenever the album comes out im just so excited for it because i love scott so much and i hope he stays for a really long time because i love him and steve together on vocals i think tey sound so great together and play off each other so well and im so excited to hear scott on an mrh album because he's so great in ventana and I've been listening to a lot of resist lately and he also sounds so good in that too and idk i love scott im very excited to see more of him in mushroomhead!!

also does anyone have any ida if the entirety of the vol 2 dvd is on the internet because I've been searching high and low but i cant find any vol 2 rips except for the mushroomhead fooling around vids on youtube but that is of course not the whole movie and . I NEED. THE WHOLE MOVIE. PLEASE GOD PLEASE DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE I CAN FIND IT ON THE INTERNET PLEASE GOD PLEAAASSEEEE

anyways thank u nad oodbye !!! mushroomhead fans please talk to me on twitter @/_swaglord3000 or on my priv which im way more active on and i actually talk ab mrh exclusively on there LAWL anyways my priv is @/auggie_swaglord

[cavetownsavedollie]

If you didn't know, I'm bi (actually). I'm going to tell you my coming out story.

The day started out normal but then I had an idea. I texted my friend (They knew but my mom didn't, pathetic I know). it went something like, "I want to come out to my mom today," I said. "Rn?!" she said. "Yeah," I said. "Well how the fuck are you going to do that?" she said. "Help me," I said. We talked for a while, but she just told me to do it myself because it's my own problem. She was right, she's straight, she wouldn't care.

I made a TikTok video because that was my hobby. (Yep, it just gets more and more pathetic) I texted it to my mom and I waited all day. I wanted her to see it. I will link the video at the end.

My mom never saw the video and there I am, trying not to cry. I am texting my friend again. Guess what? She is in all caps "Yelling" at me to come out. Yep, I remember, "TELL HER RIGHT NOW!" she said. "I can't!" I spoke. "Just fucking tell her!" she said. "I'm sorry" I said. she just kept doing that. i just kept apologizing.

My mom was in my baby brother's room to tuck him in. I came in and saw her. I was panicking. Wow is this really about to happen?!?!?! "Mom.... I need to talk to you..." I said quietly. "Okay," she says clueless. "Um.. can we go in my room..?" i say. She looks concerned.

In my room she leans against the door and i sit on my bed. "Mom... I'm... I'm bisexual," I stutter, almost crying. i feel dizzy and scared. "Do you even know what that means?" she asks. I know I'm a child but im not stupid "Erm- yes.. It means I like boys.. but i like girls too.." I say (And yes, i was trying to mimic Nick) My mom sits on the bed with me. Shee gives a whole speech about how my mind could change. Friends she had that thought they were gay but married boys. I didn't remind her that i wasnt gay. I'm bi, actually. (i really wish i had said that line). She even told me it could be a phase because its POPULAR?! Ha. funny joke. I knew she was reffering to Heartstopper. I know damn well if my classmates knew i watched it i would get bullied (more).

after she left i told my friend that i told mom. I tell her how it went. I put my phone away and i try to sleep but i just lie awake and sob.

The next morning my mom was cooking breakfast and i came into the kitchen to say good morning to her but she immediately starts talking about it again. SHE LOOKED THROUGH MY PHONE?!?! She was talking about my texts with my friend about it. I was so mad! Lesson learned, when speaking about something private, speak Spanish).

I'm still friends with that girl but i never told her how bad it hurt. If i do she might leave. Oh well its fine ig.

Link to the video: https://www.tiktok.com/@maskedyt1234/video/7272823142530190634?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id=7292529370877478430

[drowninginredink]

If ur not up for your blog to become a discussion hub you can delete this ask but notthatalex' analogy of "but for some reason, people are really scared to roast you, excluding you entirely from that dynamic" I don't think quite makes sense. Within a friend group there Will be healthy boundaries. So therefore there should be some too when we joke to an audience. People roast and joke their friends because they know each other, have given the ok and know they dont hold ill will - if that isn't the case there's a clear problem that should be ideally addressed! Comedians like the ones in Smosh have a platform which I think is ok to demand it to be used responsibly. There's a difference in making a joke where the punchline is "get it ? it's a gay guy, that's funny on its own" and making a joke that happens to include gay guys/their experience for example. Also as much as we want them to, jokes can't exist in a political void. It's already been well documented that memes, jokes, comedy can be absolutely used as a propaganda tool and that some "jokes" are actually meant to represent the creator's political stance. A good example from not too long ago is Sacha Baron Cohen who lately appeared in the news for his Zionist beliefs, while he's built his career around making fun of "arabs" that people have been giving him the benefit of the doubt for for years saying it's "satire".

I mean my intention was never to be a discussion hub, but only because I never expected anyone to care enough about what I have to say to send me asks. So sure, let's do this!

But yeah, I would say I'm a bit more in favor of restricting comedians than Alex, but I think what you're saying is kind of misreading him. He made it pretty clear that there are good jokes and bad jokes you can make about anything. And my biggest opinion is, aside from the fact that yes, "I'm a gay guy and that's funny on its own" is problematic... It's also not funny. If you ask me, the biggest thing that makes something funny is surprise. And bigoted jokes are hacky. They're not creative. "Haha this group is bad/weird" is a thing we've all heard before. It's not unfunny when my family makes a joke about Chinese people eating dogs because it's racist, even though it very much is, it's unfunny because I've heard that joke a million times.

But I think the friendship example is actually perfect because roasting a friend requires knowledge of said friend beyond hacky stereotypes, so it's going to have to go beyond easy bigoted jokes. Again, I do agree with Alex in the sense that you can joke about anything, but you've got to do it well. And again, bigoted jokes just aren't funny. They're all overplayed. The only reason people find them funny is because they agree with them.

And yeah, it does suck to be the person in the friendgroup who feels like they're being treated with kid gloves. It's all about knowing people's lines. I know seeing the TNTL roasts of Angela made me so uncomfortable at first because I basically am Angela and the particular points they were hitting are things I'm super sensitive about. So if I were her, I would have felt like absolute shit. And then I saw her say how much that made her happy because she felt seen, and how it meant so much to her. And that's made me actually really embrace that view of it and encourage my friends to roast me like that. Because you know what? This is who I am, and I do want you all to see me in my cringe glory. Because being cringe is a good thing. So like, to me, that's what Alex is saying. You've got to know the lines, but imagine how it'd look if they never went after Angela.

Also I don't exactly keep up with Cohen, but I have seen... Whatever the name of that movie was over my brother's shoulder and needless to say, it was a yikes and I don't know how we let anyone who made it say he was at all progressive. I mean, to be fair, of course it was a yikes. If my dad likes a thing, that's always a red flag.