#yes how would they play the tapes in the future idk okay i just like to dream

[feralfanged]

lost media but it's the VHS porn of me giving a pawjob under duress found in an apocalyptic wasteland and it's the only thing surviving from this era so they based their whole society on it and then everyone is assigned puppy at birth :3 idk a girl can dream

[shotiv]

once i seen a video of hoshiumi and kageyama together and i was like wow… that’s new and i was like okay hmm au kageyama has a crush on hinata all throughout highschool and his early adult life hinata goes to brazil BUT DOESNT BECOME VOLLEYBALL PLAYER so i was like hmmm but why so i was lemme be cliche a.b.o. YES i am a sucker for dominant omega shoyo so as he gets older hinatas second gender traits become stronger as he becomes weaker to pheromones and it’s harder for his body to maintain muscle and there is always the risk being in a dominant alpha reined sport something could happen he ultimately quits and goes to brazil not to train but because he feels a change of scenery would be nice instead of being reminded of the place where his dreams couldn’t come true OKAY BACK TO KAGEYAMA AND HOSHIUMI it’s starts off as helping with heats and ruts as to not have to take suppressant that would mess up there body with the side affects for games hoshiumi developed feelings while they hooked up after a while they slipped up somehow and hoshiumi is pregnant okay now stay with me when hinata left kageyama they had this moment where they talked about him missing shoyo when he left about how he wants to play with him forever and as much as he loves volleyball he doesn’t want to play it without his partner as a parting gift shoyo gives kageyama a plain brown notebook he tells him in a way trying to lighten the mood “whenever you miss me write something” something along those lines hinata would leave the next morning to his one way flight and not come back until his mothers funeral 17 years later hoshiumi and kags have 3 kids a 16 year old son and a set of 13 year old twins hoshiumi is a recessive omega so having 3 children was already hard on his body but everyone took it as a blessing for such a loving couple to share there love with more kids yk i could go into more detail about the pregnancy it all but this is just a rundown kageyama has a big box in the basement as as there oldest son is looking for something down there he stumbles into the box upon opening the taped up mess he finds 32 plain brown notebooks ranging from 17yr kageyama all the way to 37(not age accurate idk i hate math) curious he reads the first entry “to shoyo-“ he takes the first book to his room to read and doesn’t find anything to important until later he heard a conversation between his parents along the lines of “remember those journals you would write in religiously what where u even writing about haha!? your dying live for me ?” hoshiumi would laugh sarcastically as kageyama laughed it off spiking more curiosity in there son who again goes to the basement and grabs 3 more books to read nothing in the second or the third but the fourth book is where tobio breaks the first entry starting with “i miss you” the books would basically be kagayema yearning over the years about his first love and how no matter who got close to him or how much him and hoshiumi progressed NOTHING could compare to the feelings he had for shoyo their sons first reaction would to be to tell his mom but thinking about it it was the last what could he do would it even matter word gets around by nastu her mother passed and tobio visits saying he is sorry for her loss she was a great woman and all that nastu thanks him for being so sweet and caring and ask him to attend the funereal as he puts his shoes back on nastu says in a soft voice my brother will be coming aswell please be there for him , i know you were close. he freezes and his heart stops something inside goes off something dangerous .. a part of him doesn’t know what to do while a part of him wants nothing more than to run to the amber boy the boy who taught him what love was the boy who he couldn’t imagine his future without his friend his teammate his partner his soulmate

tldr i want to write a fic here’s the rundown

summary of said fic: kageyama is married with 3 kids shoyo moved back to his home town after his mother passing the boys must learn to acknowledge there feelings and stop pushing them down as they did so many years ago

PLSPLSPLS LMK IF THIS SOUNDS REMOTLY ENTERTAINING CAUSE I CANNOTT STOP IMAGING IT ITS ALL I THINK ABOUT EVERY FUCKING DAYYY

[chiarrara]

Bro I got more for the 80’s/90’s au:

Title already reminds me of Gojo but the lyrics as well is just. Hhhh. Reminds me of when Geto started spiraling.

Title says it all I think

Mostly here becouse it sounds like something they’d listen to

While this is a 90’s song it reminds me a lot of Gojo. Just the childish/cocky tone, the line “and then you told me how bad you had to suffer, is that really all you have to offer?” Like idk it just screams him to me.

And if I died right now what then

90’s song but Jesus Christ this one is even worse. “I wanna hold the hand inside you,I wanna take a breath that’s true” “you’ll come apart and you’ll go blind” banging my head against the wall

“And if your head explodes with dark forebodings too, I’ll see you in the dark side of the moon”

Also “the lunatic is in my head” good way to say there’s a curse inside your brain Geto

Here mostly becouse it’s an actual confirmed gay song but it’s still a bit satosugu

It’s just here becosue vibes

(1980s SatoSugu AU + 1990s Megumi AU Playlists)

omg omg you're like a musical angel. okay let's do it:

1. Eyes Without A Face - Billy Idol

This is the perfect 1984 sound to me!! Like, quintessential this is so perfect thank you. And yes, eyes theme, of course. But also...

woof 🥲 i can imagine suguru playing this song while he's having a Bad Time™ and thinking of satoru.........i am sad

2. (I Just) Died In Your Arms Tonight - Cutting Crew

😢

Ugh, this is such a classic. Technically it's 1986 so......I can put it near the end of the playlist and it can be like a couple years in the future. So. Things are not going well for them in 1986.....

3. Sowing the Seeds of Love - Tears for Fears

Immediately yes.

So they're back together by 1989 and belting this at full volume down the highway. that's nice :)

(+ BONUS) Everybody Wants To Rule The World - Tears for Fears

I had to go back and see what TfF songs were out around '84 and

4. 21st Century (Digital Boy) - Bad Religion

Ooooh yeah I hear it, that line is so good. But......it's also great for Megumi, beating up some bullies lol. And it's 1994! that's my anchor year for him so that's perfect!

5. Love is a Battlefield - Pat Benatar

Okay, those lyrics hit so hard 😢 tell me I'm wrong, but I feel like Gojo would love Pat Benatar, but Geto would haaaate her lmao. Like Gojo would bring a tape into the car and convince Suguru to let him play it, but Suguru would be like, "don't leave that tape in my car." idk he's just not like other boys.

Also, very Gojo coded song 2 me. This came out in 1983, so I think everytime it comes on Gojo blasts the radio and sings along at top volume all by himself while Geto rolls his eyes in the drivers seat.

6. Fade Into You - Mazzy Star

🥺🥺🥺 I love this sooooong. Giving it to little proto-emo boy Megumi for timeline stability. Gojo can overhear it and have traumatic flashbacks or something

"I think it's strange you never knew" kill me

7. Brain Damage - Pink Floyd

Does Geto just have two full Pink Floyd tapes in his glove box?..........I mean probably

😢😢😢😢😢

"there's someone in my head but it's not me" I don't wanna talk about it.

8. Ever Fallen In Love (With Someone You Shouldn't've?) - The Buzzcocks

PERFECT. GAY TEEN ANGST. PERFECT.

No notes.

9. Because the Night - Patti Smith

Another Gojo belter. But this one grows on Geto and in a couple weeks he's belting word for word along with him. They love this song 🔥🔥🔥

---

I'm having so much fun 🥰 tyty the playlist is really coming along now

[commenter2]

"Dead End" review

Time to see where that robo bug leads Uzi and the gang.

Still love the Glitch theme

Ooo a beach epi…oh. Eh I bet Cougar Macdowall will make a video about such a thing soon XD

Is a robot buffering the equivalent of being unconscious?

Well this is a weird premise for a Jurassic Park sequel.

Looks like that lab isn’t abandoned.

So the exoplanet can harbor a bit of life on it, good to know.

After 5 episodes, we see Uzi going back to her “kill all humans” phase XD.

So there are numerous Js out there! That is scary.

Cyn sent N, V, and one of Js clones to the planet!?!?!

Uzi can generate her bat wings now, and it’s nice to see N try to help her when landing, just wish Uzi can be 1% less angsty from time to time.

Tessa seems a bit commanding here, especially when compared to how she was nice to J in the last episode.

Tessa playing with N’s hair XD. Looks like Uzi’s tail likes it to XD

Almost a Uzi X N moment is better than no Uzi X N moment

V’s “eye” is “twitching”, I wonder if she is also curious about this sentinel reintegration unit

Robot hillbillies!

Good to know how to kill those MD backup systems in case Uzi and the others have to fight another one again.

They had to tape the magnet on Tessa cause she isn’t a robot XD Also I guess this confirms that non corrupted drones in this world don’t follow the laws of robotics like harming humans.

N is too good for his own good. I know it’s a stressed baby, but I think since its operating on you, this would be the one time you can be a bit mean to it.

Of course Uzi’s first question about her mom would be about if she was cool or not. Though since she married a door obsessed dad, I think the answer is yes. XD

IDK how Tessa is going to save the others while working on what looks like a Word document.

Earth is gone. Uzi will be pissed that she couldn’t do it herself. Either way it’s nice to finally get some info about the singularity.

Promixa system, plat binary system, copper system. I guess in the future humanity is still uncreative with coming up with names for planets and places in space.

I do like the robot dinosaur designs, reminds me of the dinosaur machines from the Horizon series.

This episode IS trying to be like Jurassic Park. See that’s what you get for following that movie’s logic. Also why give her a sword when she isn’t going to use it to defend herself!

So robots can follow the laws of robotics, in this case don’t harm humans. I guess the drone’s Ais are too advance for that.

A solver just took over Uzi. The solvers ARE the singularity!

Aww not the baby.

More Uzi X N and V being jealous. What’s up with you Tessa?

Wait the eyes on that Sentinel are different, is that the singularity?

A proper hand holding!

Clever girl…. bot. Hey with all the Jurassic Park vibes in this episode, I’d be mad at myself for NOT making that joke.

Is the bug okay?

You guys have missiles, just shoot down the elevator and go down it. Sure it might then make it hard to find what floor to check but it’s worth it to survive.

A robot with a gun in its mouth!

V catching the bullet as it still spins is another Cliffside reference for those wondering

Now it’s using a sword. I wonder if the Sentinel is a fan of Beast Wars as he is acting a lot like Dinobot.

NO NOT V, DAMMIT THIS IS WHY THEY SHOULD HAVE DESTROYED THE ELEVATOR IN THE FIRST PLACE! Eh with the fact that J said there are clones, I bet we will get her back one day. Maybe we could get the original, having a crush on N one?

A pretty okay episode. Wished we had gotten to learn why those robot dinosaurs exist and maybe give V more screen time before her inevitable death. We should at least have gotten a N x V moment where maybe she reminds N about their realationship in the past. At least we got to learn a bit about the singularity as well as get more info on why the Murder Drones were sent to the planet and such.

What did you think about the episode?

[blueprint-han]

desert rose — yang jeongin.

↪ “ Because love and a red rose could never be truly hid. ”

— “ You’d have never thought that one incident would’ve enlightened you of how much in love you were with your childhood best friend, but it turns out to be more of a problem when you’re threatened with a life-ending disease with no cure whatsoever. Or so you thought. ”

pairing: jeongin x reader

genre: hanahaki au; fluff, angst with a happy ending.

⇥ warnings: hanahaki disease, mentions of blood (not very graphic but enough that it’s tagged), lots of angst, also in this world the hanahaki surgery isn’t discovered yet, because it’s a fairly recent discovery, also y/n’s dad is nowhere mentioned in this fic idk take it as you like but i imagined him to pass away when y/n was 12 for some reason :((, please do not read if you triggered by topics of death or blood or disease! These themes will be prevalent though not in super explicit detail, they are still there. If I missed a warning, let me know. <3

word count: 11.09 K

type: long one-shot.

⇥ disclaimer: this fiction does not represent the activities of the real Yang Jeongin, nor is associated with JYPE in any form. Events are pure fiction. ♡

part of: the @bystay​ skznta event, written for @stayndays​ !!

song: inspired from Desert Rose by Lolo Zouaï <3 No relation to the fic but it did inspire the ~vibes~.

↯ note: I’m gonna be honest this tired me out so much that I’m glad I finished it, it took me longer than I expected and it got longer than I expected, but nonetheless, here you go shayna! Hi!! It’s me! Your secret santa! Sorry I couldn’t send you that many asks because my uni is a bitch™, and I wish I could’ve made this better, but I guess this will have to do for now. I hope you like it, and I loved being your santa! 🥺 I hope we can interact more in the future, and this isn’t edited so pls go easy on me （＞人＜；）eiury2y4er okay happy reading! <3 love you shayna! <3 I wish I could give this more editing time :( but... i hope u still like it!  ⇥ dawn.☀️

Jeongin’s eyes are really pretty.

The first time you'd made this miniscule observation was during your summer vacation road trip when the sun shined a tad bit overly bright, and Jeongin’s umbrella had a hole in it. The exact details of how it ended up torn don’t matter, but the way Jeongin’s eyes seemed to shimmer in the harsh noon sun almost made it seem worth it.

You remember it clearly — He’d smiled brightly when his eyes met yours, eyes crinkling into tiny little half-moons before his expression turned neutral. At that moment, you were lost into the abyss that was his midnight black orbs. They seemed to hold glimmering stars in them, ones that outshone the specks of white in the night sky.

Looking back, you didn’t think of it much, opting to shake your head off it’s daze before running to where Jeongin stood, throwing a bottle of water into his backpack and laughing at some corny jokes the rest of the group cracked.

Jeongin was a friend — a good friend. In fact, you could call him your best friend, though it had never been verbalized. You couldn’t remember exactly when or how you’d gotten closer to him — it just happened, like everything important in this world did. Like how Jeongin says “It was fate, Y/N, fate” in that old-man-philosopher voice to get you to laugh (Of course it would never work, but you’d still laugh, because anything to see him give you that bright, toothy grin and that little scrunch of his nose in acknowledgement).

The memory of how it all started  is as clear as the sky, as pure as the pigment of a rose.

“Don’t stray too far away, alright? Meet me back here in two hours.” The instructor screams, and all the students chime in with a collective “Yes, ma’am!”. 

 “Good, now go collect your flowers.”

A flower-picking expedition isn’t a common event in a school field trip, at least in your school. You’re more used to the normal visits to the ice cream factory, or the butterfly park (which, to be fair, had some pretty flowers, if only you could pick them) or another affiliated school. Nevertheless, you don’t complain, because the prospect of your school giving you a chance to collect all the pretty flowers you could spot here had you on top of the clouds.

You’re allowed to go alone or in groups of two, and of course, Jeongin has you by the arm the moment your teacher had screamed “Disperse!” at the top of her lungs (P.E teachers had a thing for screaming, apparently). Ignoring the teasing glances the other boys made towards the both of you, you set sail on your path, scanning all the bushes for any wild and unique flowers you could find.

“Oh look, there’s one!” You pointed out after a good four-minute-walk, almost stumbling in your one-inch-too-tight-shoes and ignoring Jeongin’s giggle at your antics. You beckoned him over to where you were standing and he obliged, tucking his sweater paws into his pockets before walking over to where you were staring at the pretty flower.

So, flowers. They’d always fascinated you. You’d developed said fascination ever since you were six. Something about the sheer way the petals were arranged, the various ranges of coloring — vivid, gradient, muted — the beauty of something so delicate and intricate always drew you in. You found yourself examining a flower for hours, and surprisingly, you never grew tired of it. They’d helped you through a lot when you felt particularly down, too. Perfect distraction — snuggling against Jeongin’s arm and playing with the flower he’d always pick out for every visit, surrounded by calming; almost numbing silence along with the sound of his steady breathing, maybe sometimes his heartbeat too when he’d get overly affectionate. Flowers in a way, in every way, were your escape. You loved them. 

“Hmmm.” Jeongin hummed over the sounds of the leaves susurrating and rustling on the ground, the wind enveloping you like a cold, yet oddly comfortable blanket. He fixed his round glasses over his nose, quickly flipping through his encyclopedia. No one really questioned him as to why he carried it wherever he went — but just like you, he had a vivid fascination for flowers too. It was something the both of you fit like a glove on, and you were beyond grateful to meet someone who could click with you so well.

“This is wolfsbane, we can’t pick it.” He said, shaking his head. “It’s poisonous, the whole plant is.”

“Oh…” You pouted, staring at the flower once more. You took in the sight of lush, violet petals, the way they wrapped around the centre and had almost no smell.

“Hey.” He touched your hand worriedly. “You didn’t touch them, right?”

“No, I didn’t. I know better than to touch plants without knowing what they are.”

“Good.” There you could see it again. That lovely, bright smile, one more of relief this time. When you looked into his eyes, you seemed lost — you could capture every flutter of his lashes against his cheeks, count every lustrous star that was laid in his eyes. “That’s good, the poison can be absorbed easily through your skin.”

“Yeah.” You let yourself smile at him, hands dropping down to fiddle with the hem of your frock. 

“Come on, I wanna get some shots for my book. Plus some flowers.” Pulling at your hand, he led you amidst the varying degrees of green and the damp smell of grass for a good distance, before halting in front of a bush. You knew what he’s referencing to by ‘shots’. The camera that hangs around his back, ready to immortalize the memory into his SD card, or rather make a polaroid (or a painting, if he’s being artistic) and tape it to his notebook along with the pressed flower.

“Look!”

Trip a step back, and you yelp at the sudden intrusion to your pace, pouting at Jeongin before looking in the direction he had his eyes fixated on. “Roses.” You giggle, kneeling in front of the bush and hissing when you feel the damp coldness of the grassy floor seep into your knees. “They’re pretty.” 

You can barely hear the sound of students walking past you — the moment seems almost captivating — nothing heard, nothing felt except the whirring of the wind, and the fresh smell of various plants mixed together, it carries.

This part of the garden seems particularly shady and cool, and some of the roses haven’t bloomed yet. A few rosebuds, a few half-bloomed roses, and two fully bloomed, deep red roses, sitting nicely against the green foliage.

Jeongin kneels before you, and you turn to smile at him, chortling at the way his glasses are about to fall over his nose again. You ruffle his black hair gently before fixing the glasses up his nose. 

“You might wanna get a chain attached to that thing. You know those strings that go around your neck and to your glasses to hold them in place?”

Jeongin chuckles. “It’s alright. I don’t like my glasses anyways.”

“Whyyy…?” You whine, poking his arm playfully before directing your focus back on the rose. “You look so adorable with them.”

Your friend feels a smile tug at his lips, leaning in to pinch your cheeks lightly. “You’re adorable.” He says, before focusing on the rose, (thankfully) oblivious to the way your cheeks feel warm after his action.

“Here, let me pick them out and then we can press them into our journals.” Yes. The both of you have matching journals, owing to your near obsession with flowers. You oft share them with each other and get fascinated by how the other views the flower, how they delicately craft words into how the little gift of nature meant to them. It’s a heartwarming tradition — one of the main reasons you follow it till date. 

Jeongin pulls out a pair of scissors from his satchel, and albeit with a lot of force (and the adorable nose scrunch™, manages to cut off a decent amount of stem with the fully bloomed flower, carefully bringing it to his nose to smell it before doing the same to the other one. And all the while, you silently watch.

“Here, this one is more fresh.” It’s so surprising how he can just say that by looking at the flower. Then again, you know him better than anyone, so it’s not surprising at all. He looks at you with dreamy, fluttering eyes and that precious smile on his face, his hair falling perfectly on his forehead. You want to reach out and fix the stray hairs back into position, but you hold back, swallowing the lump in your throat when you look into his pretty, pretty eyes. Trying your damnedest to not get mesmerized, lost in them once again.

It doesn’t seem like a very, very special moment. And to you at that time, it wasn’t special. You simply ignored the heat that crept up your face at his silent gesture, nodding sporadically and ignoring the way you tensed up more when your fingers touched, barely.

Your heart suddenly thumped against your chest with renewed vigour, and you could tell Jeongin was close to noticing it too. 

“T-thank you, that's very sweet.” Fixing the frills of your frock, you smooth them over before looking further and deeper into the garden.

“Lend me a hand, please.”

You once again, ignore the way your heart flutters at his statement, silently extending your hand and covering up your sudden emotion with a smile. His hand feels soft, warm in your hold, fingertips slightly rough from when he used to play the violin. You like it, though.

“Here.” He places the rose carefully in your palm, making sure no thorns prick the delicate skin of your palm, and you can’t help but smile at the tiny reassurance. A nod of approval and you tuck the flower away neatly into your satchel, almost like a valuable present he’d given you, oblivious to the way Jeongin’s eyes twinkled at your action, his smile beaming.

My god, who would’ve known this flower could’ve brought you so, so much trouble?

It had started simple, almost unnoticeable. Just little glances towards Jeongin when he’d come over to watch a movie, getting lost in the way his hair looked exceptionally soft to touch, silently drifting off into space as you admired him from the backseat during class — sure, you were supposed to be focusing on the lesson and taking notes, but something about the way the rim of Jeongin’s sunglasses caught the sunlight and created a lens flare effect was breathtaking to watch.

That, combined with his beauty, his personality. It was too much, too much to handle.

You found yourself waiting to get a glimpse of him, even a tiny glance of his smile would be enough to make your day — to make your heart flutter. 

He was pretty.

You suppose it’s because being Jeongin’s best friend meant you already knew about the kind and empathetic man he was — but for the love of god, you could not stop your heart from fluttering when you heard his name, let alone looked at him and his mind-numbingly pretty smile, his dazzling eyes that always seemed to keep you off the ground.

Oh my, was this love?

You didn’t believe it. You didn’t agree, couldn’t accept that this was love. Maybe it was just your way of showing appreciation for him, for everything he’d done for you? Yes. That was probably it. 

Love wasn’t something you’d experienced — how could you jump to the conclusion? 

But you couldn’t pin the feeling you were feeling to another word — though you were desperate. The way your heart beat faster around him, the way you started noticing all the tiny details that made you fall for him even more, and for what? Just because he happened to give you a fresher, more lusciously colored rose after choosing them on his own? 

Jeongin had noticed it too — it was hard not to when you’d start fiddling with your thumbs, twirling your hair, and the way heat would rush to your face when he did as little as smile at you — you’d fallen for him — and while he was ever-the-oblivious to realise the implications of your actions, he did know that something was wrong.

“Y/N, are you alright?” Jeongin asks rather dully, seeming kind of worried about your current state. You’re resting your head against his lap, but Jeongin can feel the warmth of your cheek through the thin material of his shorts — and not the regular kind. The kind of heat one would radiate when they’d either been overly flustered. Or possibly a fever.

He rests a single palm against your cheek and your eyes flutter shut, and there it is again. The butterflies in your stomach, the fuzzies in your head, and the tingling that shot up to your fingertips. “Are you sick? Is that why you’re oddly quiet today? You haven’t said or eaten anything.”

“Ah, no, I’m alright.” You try to hide the dizziness in your voice, snuggling in his hold before fluttering your eyes close. Thankfully, Jeongin doesn’t question it. 

“Alright, we won’t talk about it if you don’t want to.” Even though you aren’t facing him right now, you can feel him smile in melancholy. 

“Hey Y/N?” 

“Yes?”

“You know I’m here for you, right?”

Oh, you knew.

Sometimes you wish you didn’t — maybe that would’ve prevented it from ending this way.

It’s such a common scenario — in movies, in books, in media. Two best friends falling in love with each other, confessing their love in the warm and intimate setting of the night sky, over gentle touches and lingering kisses. You’ve always had an attachment to those kinds of movies or books — because for you, that kind of love was special in it’s own way.

Those little ways the lead characters had of showing each other their undying love, those subtle acts were so special, so special in their own way. Those books had shown you how heartwarming, how vulnerable yet rigid, strong that relationship could be. It was such a pretty world to explore, to fantasize. You kind of felt that you and Jeongin were the protagonists of those books, those movies.

Except, you had no happy ending.

The books failed to show how painful it was to swallow, to digest the fact that you could be nothing more than friends. Sure, there had been some moments where the main leads would be sad, but it was nothing compared to this, this suffocation in your chest that slowly built up, day by day, minute by minute, second by second.

It was hard.

The first prick in your chest hadn’t been entirely painful. It was barely noticeable even. Simply a tiny jolt of pain when you bent forward to grab your books from your locker. It had only been a slight jab, like when you’d accidentally poke yourself in the rib with the edge of your hardcover diary while picking it up. Nothing too hard.

Then came the slight feeling of breathlessness. You found yourself unable to run a full round in P.E (when you could easily do so beforehand), having to stop in between to catch your breath. You figured it could’ve been your dust allergy because the P.E room wasn’t cleaned that often, so it made sense. Somewhat. Still sceptical, but nonetheless, you covered up your random outbursts of coughs with any and every excuse you could find when your parents questioned you about it.

It was hard, but you figured it was just a matter of winter passing by, and soon you’d be alright.

Would you, though? You couldn’t bring yourself to accept that there was in fact something wrong happening to you, pushing behind that feeling of paranoia every time with a smile on your face and a hold of your breath, wishing for the pain to ebb away.

Who would’ve thought that a sudden infatuation would have led to your demise?

Jeongin can hear the noises.

Those loud, dragged out wisps of air that you borderline struggle to take in and expel out, Jeongin can hear them.

He can feel your struggle. It’s not easy for him to look at you like this, curled up into a ball and ignoring the rampant burn in your chest. The movie isn’t even the main focus right now. Jeongin has something to say, and he’s had enough of watching you struggle. He’s rather here to persuade you to go to the fucking doctor, and get some sort of diagnosis instead of beating around the bush.

Strange. Jeongin feels oddly affectionate today, when usually you’re the one to initiate such gestures. All he wants to do is pull you into his arms and rock you back and forth until you fall asleep, because you seriously seem like you need it.

“Y/N,” he calls, watching you lift your head up from where it’s rested against your knees. You don’t reply, because right now, your throat seems like a barren desert and all you can seem to let out is a croak.

Jeongin sighs and rolls his eyes as if in deep thought, turning on the couch to face you before touching the tops of your cheeks with his hands — they seem overly feverous. 

“What’s going on?” He asks sternly.

“What d-do you mean?” You manage to get out, feeling your chest hurt more and more with each syllable that leaves past your lips in a croaked voice. It felt like someone was repeatedly stabbing your chest with the sharp edge of the knife, the burn in your throat and lungs getting too much to handle. You can’t even tear your focus from the fiery sensation to revel in the feeling of Jeongin’s soft palms cupping your cheeks.

“Y/N, you’ve been acting weird ever since the expedition.” Worry is laced throughout his tone, mixed in with a dash of sorrow to give rise to the most heartbreaking sound you’ve ever heard. Though you know otherwise, it almost seems as though Jeongin is disappointed in you.

“You’ve been getting more and more sick—” he raises a hand to stop you from contradicting his statement. You only look at him with mellow eyes, knowing that what he says is right. You’ve been ignoring your health for too long. 

You can’t help it, either. While you have an inkling of what might’ve happened, you’re too stubborn to accept it, let along your unrequited love for your best friend, who seems ever-the-oblivious.

“—and you can’t tell me it’s the winter allergy, love. I know you more than that to believe it.”

Shaking your head in dismay, you turn around to get up. You can’t be having this conversation right now, not with the faintest taste of blood lingering at the edge of your throat — you can’t be showing yourself like this in front of him — broken down, vulnerable, confused of your own feelings, having no idea of what you should be doing.

Your mother had pointed it out too, at this point. They suggested going to the doctor, and you outright refused. You didn’t want your suspicion to come to life. It couldn’t- it couldn’t be this way-

“Y/N!”

Jeongin grabs your hands to stop you in your position and turns you around.

And that’s a wrong move.

Your whole chest tightens, and the thorns that stab against your chest has never been more painful. You cry out loudly, only causing them to dig deeper into your skin and almost bleed. Jeongin’s eyes widen in shock at your sudden, unexpected reaction and only tightens his grasp on your hands.

Which again, is a very wrong move, because the following bouts of coughs that take over you shake you up from the core. Jeongin feels blanked out looking at how much you’re suffering right now, so much that he doesn’t feel the wet, yet light flutter on the back of his hand.

When Jeongin snaps back in from his momentary daze, he’s borderline horrified.

He’s convinced, completely certain that there’s nothing more terrifying, heartbreaking, scarring — he could go on and on — than what he just saw. He can almost feel his heart break into a million tiny shards, but he knows that it’s nowhere equivalent to the pain you’re going through.

Well, looks like your suspicion did come to life.

Because what Jeongin sees is, gah, he feels horrified. There’s blood dripping down your lip, staining the skin below garnet red. Your eyes are tinted pinkish-red too, most likely from the exertion that came along with the horrendous amount of coughs that took over you.

Red, red everywhere. Jeongin had previously thought of red as one of the most beautiful, and most interesting colors ever — a symbolism of love, nothing but the pure love he felt towards you.

But now, all he could think of was how much he was tormented by the mere sight of the color.

When his eyes, still blown wide in shock, trail down to his lap, the mere sight of what’s littered on it leaves him in tears.

Red petals, everywhere. All over the back of his hands, all over your lap, all over his lap.

Jeongin could probably spend ages, ages sobbing and whimpering about the sheer pain the sight in front of him brought. It tormented him beyond imagination. This should be a dream — Jeongin wants to wake up any second now, anywhere, in your lap, in his own bed, just anything to save his heart from seeing you this way.

Yet when you cough again, the pain in his heart tells otherwise.

“Y/N!” He chokes out a cry, and from there, he acts quick. He could cry about this later — he needs to find you some help, and now. 

You feel numb. As numb as you possibly can when you see the tears in Jeongin’s eyes, though your sight is clouded by your own tears. You’re numb to the blood dripping down your chin and pooling in your lap, you’re numb to the feeling of those bloody petals littered all over the couch. 

“We need to get you to the hospital, quick.” He gets up, wiping his eyes that are surprisingly, surprisingly overflowing with tears. You barely feel the handkerchief quickly wiping against your mouth, causing you to snap from your trance and look at him. The numbness doesn’t fade yet.

You doubt it ever will.

You’re not sure that the events after the incident go super quickly or as slow as a snail, and you’re not in any state to care about it either. Jeongin had called your mother when he drove you to the hospital — albeit over the sound of your repetitive and raucous coughs — and now your mom’s standing next to him outside, nervously prancing back and forth as he waits for the doctors to come out.

The hospital corridor is moderately lit — perfect setting for Jeongin’s mood right now. There’s no sound except for the occasional encounter when a nurse or doctor happens to walk past them. The hanahaki treatment section of the hospital isn’t the most crowded place — surprisingly enough, the doctors had immediately known what had happened to you.

Your mother can’t bring herself to thank Jeongin for dragging you to the hospital — she’s too paranoid. Your daughter coughing up blood and — Jeongin hadn’t mentioned it to her — flower petals over a movie night isn't the best news you’d want to receive when her friend calls you; so Jeongin understands why your mother is overly quiet.

He doesn’t try to reassure her either. It’s hard to do so when she’s gonna find out her daughter houses a wedding bouquet in her chest — and Jeongin isn’t that oblivious to not know what’s going on, especially standing in the hanahaki department of the clinic. His mother, not so much. All she can do is silently sob and mutter prayers repeatedly, hoping her daughter would be alright. Jeongin feels his heart break more when he sees your mom like this, and he knows he’s not gonna last at this rate, when he’s allowed to enter your room.

At this point, he can’t get past his own brain screaming a million different things at the same time, none of them coherent enough to make sense. He’s a mess right now — red eyes puffy and swollen, hair completely disheveled and half of his sweatshirt hanging out of where it was  neatly tucked in.

Two hands at his heart, and that’s when he notices the red rose petal stuck to the back of his hand, probably from when you’d coughed all over it. It’s fairly large in size — Jeongin examines it, in a slightly successful attempt at trying to distract from the feeling of anxiety that builds up inside bit by bit. It’s a deep, dark red color, exactly like the rose he’d given you that day, at the trip.

The boy sighs to himself before pulling the petal off his hand, eyes widening when the blood underneath it tints the skin it runs across. 

That’s when a lump forms in his throat, but he isn’t given time to cry, because soon enough, the sound of a door opening clicks through his ears, and Jeongin’s head snaps up.

He can see you from where he’s standing, and his whole world freezes in front of his eyes.

The flowers inside your chest had grown moderately large — that’s what the doctor said, at least. You’d been hiding your disease for two months, and it wasn’t until the end that Jeongin caught on — you’d been too stubborn to accept your fate. Maybe this was how it was supposed to end, after all. 

You couldn’t accept it then, but you did now. Did it seriously make a difference?

Jeongin had seen your scan, and what he saw would’ve truly been pretty, if not for the fact that these flowers could be the cause for your imminent death. The roses had almost fully bloomed — and the thorns were pricklier than ever. Jeongin could almost feel them stab against his skin, and he didn’t even have the disease. It was confusing — things were too confusing right now.

You couldn’t speak much, the painkillers you were on were making you drowsy and causing you to quickly fall asleep. Even if you weren’t asleep, it wouldn’t have made a difference.

Numbness ran through your veins. You couldn’t bring yourself to feel anything after what had happened.

Jeongin and your mother hadn’t spoken to you after the doctor had shown them your scan, and they preferred to not break the news to you either, figuring that you were pretty shaken up from the incident already.

The doctor said he could give you two weeks before the flowers filled your lungs completely and blocked your throat.

And Jeongin is devastated.

When the effect of your painkillers wear off and you open your eyes, you feel a soft sensation brushing against your thumb, slowly turning to look at your best friend — tears streaked all over his face, eyes ridden with dark circles and red and puffy, his voice sounded nasal as he silently cried, eyesight focused on the floor.

“J-Jeongin…?” You mumble past your oxygen mask, surprisingly not noticing it’s presence until right now,

He perks up at the painful call, lifting his head to gaze into your eyes. He looks worse than you look right now, if you’re to be honest. You doubt he’s even brushed his teeth or had breakfast. The hospital room is pretty dim just like the exterior, but the sunlight coming from the open window is enough to light up the whole room, enough to at least see your friend’s features clearly.

“You’re awake.” he says as a matter-of-fact and you nod, gently taking off the contraption placed against your nose. Jeongin flinches like he wants to stop you. But then freezes when you try to slowly get up.

Turns out that’s a wrong move, because you can soon feel the thorns of the garden you have in your lungs prick against your skin, making you gasp and shriek in agony. Jeongin jerks up and places a hand on your back, and the other across your stomach — and gently maneuvers you into an awkward but comfortable position, before lifting the top of the bed into a reclining position before laying you down onto it.

“Careful, love.”

Your chest tightens at the actions once again, yet you try not to cough like you did the last time. Surprisingly biting on your tongue works to rid the feeling of suffocation, or at least distracts from it.

“Where’s m-mom?”

“She went to pick up some of your essentials, plus a few clothes.”

“D-did she eat? Did you eat?”

Jeongin smiles at your concern. It’s something he’s found endearing about you — how you always seem to put others first, even though you’re in a worse situation. Though the habit isn’t healthy, Jeongin can’t seem to get over how thoughtful one would have to be to act that way all the time. You’re so innocent, so kind — you’re one of a kind, at least for him.

“What?” You chuckle, noticing Jeongin’s lingering stare on you.

Your friend only beams, taking your hand in his once again. “I forced her to eat something because of her medication, so you don’t have to worry. I ate along with her too, though the canteen’s food doesn’t taste that well.” 

A soft giggle leaves your lips and quickly morphs into a set of coughs, more petals fluttering all over your lap and hands. When Jeongin stands up to call a doctor, you lift a hand to stop him, gesturing for him to sit down.

It isn’t as intense as the first time, but there’s still a tiny bit of blood dripping from the corner of your mouth, which Jeongin quickly goes to wipe off with his thumb. You flinch at the warm touch, sighing to yourself before dropping your gaze to your lap.

“So…” You start. “What did the doctor say?”

“What?”

Jeongin seems visibly tense at your question, kind of like he was dreading it. Which he was. He knows enough about this to know that patients usually don’t like knowing, and in fact can be traumatised by knowing that their apparent death would be in two weeks.

Jeongin in fact has no idea how he’s so calm. He should be sobbing, trashing, looking for a way to hold you back. He shouldn’t be so calm.

He figures he’s just accepted fate. He’s relishing what could be his last moments with you.

You don’t reply, and Jeongin knows he’ll have to make something up.

“They said it’s just a regular allerg-”

“Jeongin.”

The boy freezes.

“Don’t lie to me.” Your voice is laid with so much pain, Jeongin wants to reach out and crush every problem you have into his fist. He wants all your sorrow and worry to dissolve, and right now, he just feels helpless. He feels powerless.

“How many days do I have left?” You ask, sniffling before wiping your tears away. “Just tell me already, Jeongin-”

Jeongin’s grip tightens against your hand as he whispers — “Two weeks.” 

The words are only let out as a soft mumble, as though Jeongin himself is questioning the statement the doctors put forth. Really, in two weeks? Would you really be gone? Would he seriously never see more of your smiles, your loving gaze, those times when you’d get overly shy of his compliments, those times when you’d silently smile at him from afar?

Was this the end?

“Two weeks.” You repeat. Your voice honestly sounds like a croaking frog, but you can’t bring yourself to care. 

“Hey Y/N…?” Jeongin hesitantly calls.

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you something?” He puts his other hand on yours. “Two questions, actually.”

“Mhm?”

“This disease you have… hana-”

“Hanahaki.”

“Yeah, that.” A hand runs against the back of his neck and he continues. “Be honest, did you know that- that you had this disease before I found out?”

“Jeongin…” You’re about to shake your head, but then you remember the deadline. The deadline by which, you’re no longer going to be here, no longer going to be able to cuddle Jeongin during movie dates, no longer be able to even look at him from afar, or close for that matter. In other words, you didn’t want to end your days with him based on a lie.

Therefore you sigh, breathing out a ‘yes’ as your shoulders droop down.

You can hear Jeongin’s shaky sigh too.

“W-why?” He clenches your hand tightly, sadness mixing in with what you can only call disappointment. “How could you be so selfish?”

It's too late to take back those words now.

“Wh-what?” You raise your eyebrows, feeling scared at his sudden question. “Jeongin, I wanted to be sure-”

Oh who are you kidding? Jeongin and you both know that you’d hidden it because you didn’t want to accept it. It’s too late to change that now.

And Jeongin seems to know that too.

“Don’t- Y/N.” His breath morphs into sharp inhales, as though he’s downright angry at your actions — you know he has every reason to be — still, it doesn’t ease the pain in your heart. Or maybe that’s just the flowers.

“Do you think this is a joke?” His sobs grow louder in fervour, and you feel yourself break at the sight. The room is so, so quiet that you can hear his faint mumbles. You can hear the cries his heart screams in agony, letting you go is painful for him. The thought, rather the sound, only makes the plant in your heart grow further.

“Y/N- did you not think of your mother? Of me? Did you not think of what would have happened if you left us? You think it’s gonna be easy on the both of us? On everyone?” His gaze stern and his voice stable, you don’t get affected by his words, but you do understand what he means — and maybe wish that you could’ve reversed your actions.

“How could you, Y/N?” He gets up from where he’s seated beside your hospital bed. “How could you think that this would be the most appropriate action?”

Jeongin knows he’s angry. Jeongin knows you’re going through a lot. But he’s too.

He’s not angry at you, not at himself, but fate. He’s mad that this is your fate, that you have to go away so soon. He’s mad that he can’t do anything to help you, in any manner.

You don’t say a word, which only causes Jeongin to sigh — disappointedly, again — and walk to where his coat is hung against the edge of his bed, picking it off and pulling it over him in a hurry. Every cell in you wants to scream at him, apologize for what you did, but your voice feels small, almost like you can’t force it out of your throat.

He goes towards the door that leads to the corridor, stopping for a second before turning to look at you.

“Are you gonna tell me, at least, who this person is?”

“W-what?” Things are too confusing right now.

“Hanahaki comes with unrequited love, Y/N. Are you gonna tell me who didn’t return your love?”

“You didn’t” You want to say. But then again, you stay quiet, not being able to handle the intensity of the moment.

Jeongin wants for two seconds, then sighs and shakes his head. “Whatever, I guess.”

And then he leaves.

In the next week, your health goes down drastically. More of petals expelled out of your lungs, more blood dripping from between your lips, more of your mother’s horrified expression as she runs away from the room while the doctors tend to your coughs. More sobs from your mother when she thinks you’re asleep, more melancholic smiles when you’re awake.

But you feel so empty.

Every piece of you feels like it’s being ripped apart. You can’t even sit up without someone’s help, of such intensity is the pain. The pain of knowing that your love would never be returned. 

The pain of knowing that you hurt the person you loved truly.

You were put on your oxygen mask 24/7, and instructed to not take it off whatsoever. Your medication stopped taking it’s usual effect, and if anyone saw you the way you were outside the current circumstances, they’d have assumed that you haven't slept for 8 days and were going to crumble into the earth any second.

“Honey?”

You gasp at the sudden intrusion to your thoughts, turning around to see your mother, sitting next to you and holding your hand with her own. You hum as a response, clearly unable to respond more than a mere mumble.

“Did you and Jeongin fight?”

A pang of guilt floods through your nerves at the mention of your friend’s name. He’d come to visit you only once in the past week. Perhaps even he couldn’t handle the fact that your death certificate was ready to be signed soon, and was trying to not be tormented by the fact. Or perhaps he was just angry.

“W-why?” You croak.

“I convinced him to come stay here while I go pick up a fresh change of clothes, but it took me quite a bit of arguing.”

You feel sad for her. She’s clearly paranoid — you can hear it in her voice, the shake lingers throughout. Yet she holds it in, trying not to let you worry about it.

You don’t answer her question. The last thing you need is for her to get mad at you too, though you doubt it. Your mom has never been the kind to yell at you for anything — provided, you’ve never given her a reason either.

“Do you think he’s mad because I didn’t tell him about the person who didn’t return m-my l-lo-ve…?” your throat goes dry towards the end and your mother quickly hands you a glass of water. You chug it down and sigh in relief, breath still short.

“Is that person him?” Your mother questions with her gentle, soothing voice one that can make you relax on the first listen. There’s no use lying to her, you figure. She knows you too well to do that, plus, like you said, you couldn’t bring yourself to end your days with her on a lie.

“Yeah…”

“Oh sweetheart,” She brushes some of your hair off your face, sitting down again before drumming her fingers against the back of your hand gently. “I don’t think he could be mad at you.”

“But he is. Didn’t y-you see? He didn’t bother to meet me as much after our argument. He’c c-clearly mad.”

“Hmmm,” Your mother ponders. “I don’t think so.”

“You don’t?”

“Nope. I have known him for a while, dear. He’s been with you for more than five years. Maybe he’s having trouble taking this in? Just like…” Your mother stops after that, but you know the completion.

Just like her.

“I’m sorry, mom.”

You simply don’t get it. You should be scared. You should be sad and devastated that your end was going to come soon.  You should be thrashing around and crying and wailing in despair — you just don’t have  the energy to even bother about your end. It’s depressing, but you know there’s no way you could avoid the inevitable, or get your lover to return your love.

Love wasn’t supposed to be something forced, it had to happen naturally. And if Jeongin didn’t develop it naturally, you just had to learn to live with it. Or not.

“Don’t be, darling. Everyone deserves to love, just like how they deserve it back. I wish it could’ve ended differently.”

“It’s alright mom. He loves me too… just not on the way I love him.”

You sniffle as a single tear runs down your chin, though you and your mom aren’t given enough time to speak more when you hear a familiar voice at the door. 

“Hey Mrs. L/N.” Jeongin says, shrugging off his half snow-covered coat before hanging it onto the bedside. Did he seriously walk in the snow? All the way here?

“Hello, Jeongin dear.” Your mother stands up, picking her coat before moving to fish the car keys from her purse. “Thank you for watching over Y/N while I’m gone, darling.”

“It’s no problem, Mrs. L/N.”

“Oh, so formal.” Your mom chuckles, though in her despaired state. “Y/N, you get some sleep, it’s about midnight dear.” She leans over to kiss your forehead while Jeongin excuses himself to the washroom, and you nod. 

“Good night mom.”

“Good night, and don’t worry about him. He’ll talk to you eventually.”

Oh, how reassuring. “Mhm.” You smile, closing your eyes to drift into slumber before Jeongin returns, because the last thing you need right now is to feel sad and cry over how you’d hurt him.

By the time the sound of the door clicking resounds through the space, you’re already asleep.

 It’s way past midnight. Jeongin shouldn’t be up. 

Somehow, he still finds himself seated next to your bed, staring fondly at your calm features as you finally get the rest you’ve needed for the past few days. 

Oh, he wouldn’t be able to compare your sheer beauty to even that of the moon; even when you’re in such a fragile and vulnerable state. Your eyelashes are still and unmoving where they sit against your skin, your breath is calm and slightly wavering as you struggle to breathe slightly. 

His hand slips into your own gently, and his heart melts when you shift, tightening your grasp on his warm skin before falling into a slumber again.

Why was he mad in the first place? Jeongin feels dumb for acting so quickly on his emotions, especially when you’re in a bad place at the moment. He wants to wake you up and apologize, but he can’t, because you’re sound asleep — and that’s a good thing, since seep comes so scarcely to you these days.

Then, a single tear falls from his eyes. His thoughts traverse to the dream he had the previous night — you, cold, dead in his arms. Him, sobbing, trying to wake you up but you’re really gone. He can’t even hear your mother’s cries from behind him, because he’s devastated to know that you’ve left him. The dream had woken him up in a cold sweat — it was then he realised that he’d committed a mistake, and agreed to come visit you, because you had about 5 days left.

His thoughts then traverse to the conversation you had with your mother, while he was standing outside in the cold hospital corridor, curiously listening.

“Is that person him?” “Yeah…”

When he heard those words, countess, infinite thoughts crashed at his head; all at once. Nothing made any sense. The reality of the situation was dawning on him too quickly, and Jeongin was having a hard time processing it. 

You loved him? He was the person who didn’t return your love?

“Why didn’t you tell me, Y/N?” He mumbles in confusion — so much confusion, so much hurt — he wanted time to just stop for awhile and give him a fair chance to analyze the situation.

But, once all the initial thoughts were out of the way, only one question remained:

Was he the reason you were going to die?

Jeongin felt like a murderer — like he’d just stabbed you in cold blood. He knows it is’t like that — just like you’d said, love should come natural. So why did Jeongin feel so bad? WHy did he feel like he was the one at fault?

A fond smile crosses his lips when he remembers the book where you keep all your flowers safely. Who would have thought your fondness for flowers would morph into the reason for your demise?

Quiet, hushed in the midnight wind, Jeongin gently brings out the rose he’d picked from his satchel. It’s almost relieving to see a rose in it’s true glory, without scattered petals or blood covering the flower. A part of him grows sad that you won’t be able to gush over flowers together anymore, he won’t be able to see your smile anymore. It hurts him. It stabs his heart over and over again, and Jeongin is pained — almost like he’s being put to death slowly — he wants the pain to end, but only suffers and suffers.

The stem has already been cut and the thorns have been thrown out. Jeongin leans over to tuck the flower behind your ear, fingers brushing against the almost cold skin at the back of your ear before letting another tear slip from his eye, running down his cheek and falling on your palm.

A strange, oh-so-strange feeling creeps up on him. It’s like… a fluttering in his heart? Jeongin can’t quite place it — heck, he doesn’t try to make sense of it. There are more important things to look at, right now. He suddenly has the urge to pull you into his arms and gently murmur sweet words into your ear — seems odd for a situation like this, but oh well, feelings are feelings.

He pats your hand gently and smiles, before moving to sleep on the smaller bed in front of your own. Not allowed to go far, though, because your grip on his hands tighten almost immediately, and Jeongin tightens to look into your eyes, sparkly and slightly droopy from the intrusion of sleep.

“Y/N, go to-”

“Stay.” You mumble, feeling your voice choke as the petals threaten to spill out for what seems like the millionth time. Yet, you manage to spill out another, “Please?”

Jeongin feels like he’s about to cry. Your expression is so, so hopeful, he can’t bring himself to deny. He wouldn’t in the first place, because who was he to deny what could be his friend’s last wish?

A sob bubbles up his throat, but he swallows it down, smiling with melancholy before following your weak pull on his hand, genty climbing on your bed before slotting himself between you and the steel grill that prevented patients from falling down. He gently tucks his hand under you and pulls you close to himself, tensing up for a second when you wrap an arm around his own, gently rubbing on it before drifting off to sleep. You want to cherish this moment — this could be the last time before you could never see him again. Fuck your medication for making you so drowsy. Or not, because you were certain you would start crying, and that would certainly not end well.

The whole room falls silent for two seconds, and you fall asleep almost immediately. 

And then, Jeongin releases all his tears, and everything comes crashing down on him. He breaks apart.

The world was too cruel to you. He was cruel to you. He can’t believe that in less than a week, you’d be gone. Gone from earth. Flowers had lost all their beauty for him, the moment he saw you coughing them up on that couch during movie night.

He wanted to do anything. He wanted any small sign to show that you would stay with him. He was in so much pain, he couldn’t accept your fate. He wanted to grab your hand and pull you to himself, keep you close, he couldn’t let go, he couldn’t give you up, he couldn’t —

“I love you.” You mumble unconsciously in your sleep, and Jeongin loses it then and there. His throat feels dry as tears flow and flow and don’t cease no matter what. His body shakes like a sobbing child, but thankfully you’re knocked out from the effect of your medication. He hasn’t cried this hard in a while, guess there’s a first time for everything. The three words pierce his heart, and they suddenly hold more meaning than anything — Jeongin wants to hear those words on a loop; he feels strangely ecstatic when you say them.

And so, with a shaky voice and a sorrowful tone, Jeongin replies after pressing a kiss to your forehead — “I-I love you, t-too.”

His eyes flutter shut and he basks in your arms just one last time, holding you close to himself as he finally, finally finds himself at peace, next to you.

When your mother finds you both snuggled up and asleep together, a smile crosses her lips. A hopeful smile.

“Are you ready for your scan, Y/N?”

You feel oddly light today — one would say it’s because your body was close to shutting down completely, but your throat felt a bit, a tiny bit clearer and less barren than a fucking desert. Nevertheless, the scan does make you nervous. This would make clear how long the flowers would take to reach your throat — the doctor’s estimation was about three days, which seemed way too short for Jeongin.

Oh, how embarrassing it was when the nurses, all giggly and mushy-eyed, found you snuggled with Jeongin like a teddy bear at the early hours of the morning, waking you and Jeongin up and only cracking up more at your bewildered expressions when you find yourself tangled with each other.

Before the scan, Jeongin had held your hand softly, leaning down to press another kiss to your forehead. You’d shyly smiled, nodding before letting the nurse drag you to the scanning room.

The details of the scan itself aren’t important, it went pretty well — as decent as a scan could possibly go. You’re able to cooperate with your nurses pretty feasibly, you feel the sudden urge to get out of your wheelchair and try walking. Sure, you can still feel the choked feeling in your throat and the burn in your lungs, but somehow, it’s just a tiny bit lesser than usual. Maybe it’s because your painkillers are working more effectively. Maybe.

Jeongin’s waiting for you outside when you’re led out of the room, and he smiles when he sees you.

You don’t even remember what you’d said the previous night. All you remember was passing out while Jeongin was in the washroom, and then waking up to him cuddled up, warm and snug next to you. His features were clear and calm as the ocean on a sunny day, a small smile on his lips, as though he was dreaming about something happy. You hope he did, because that boy deserves the happiness.

“You seem energetic today.” Jeongin says, taking note of your perky demeanour, that only causes you to giggle slightly. 

Sure, you don’t remember the happenings of last night, but he does — and he’d promised himself to cherish every last second. Because in the end, it’s all he can do — for leading you to this state, for getting mad at you and wasting precious time in which he could’ve stayed with you. He’d promised to not let you live your last moment sad and desolated.

“I feel light, for some reason.” You mumble with a broken voice as Jeongin takes the wheelchair from the nurse, listening to what she has to say before bowing and nodding, leading you back to your room.

“What did she say?” You ask, fiddling with your thumbs.

“She said your scan results would come in an hour.” 

“Oh… alright.”

For some reason, you’re too joyous today, after the little surprise you got as soon as your eyes opened. You can’t seem to bother about the end— you want to live in this moment, right now.

When you come back to the room, Jeongin lifts you up bridal style, causing you to gasp before placing you down onto the bed. The nurse waiting there quickly fixes your IV and helps you sit into a comfortable position (though it’s hard when thorns keep pricking at your ribs) before bowing to the both of you, and leaving.

Your mother has once again left to go fix up the house, leaving you in the trust of your best friend. You aren’t complaining though, especially when Jeongin sits down beside your bed, taking your hand in his before playing with your nimble fingers — just like always.

He looks gorgeous today. After a lot of nagging from your mother, he’d used the hospital bathroom to wash his face and comb his hair neatly, and you’re happy about that because he looks fresher and happier than ever. You want him to be smiling and happy, even when you leave, because… did you need a reason? You just wanted him to be happy and content with his life.

The thought invokes an angsty feeling of melancholy, but you brush it away, trying to focus on Jeongin and the silence that drops on the both of you like a warm blanket. You smile softly at him, gently letting go of his hand before tucking a few strands of his hair behind his ear, almost melting when Jeongin’s eyes flutter close.

“Hey Jeongin?” You call, grabbing his hand once again and interlacing the fingers together.

“Yeah?”

“When I… leave,” You notice the twitch in his expression, but nonetheless, continue. “Will you bring me flowers every week?” 

You remember the red rose you’d found tucked behind your ear when you woke up — it had dried up a bit, but nonetheless, it was one of the prettiest objects you’d ever seen — even though there was a whole bouquet of them spewing out your mouth every two seconds.

“I will.” Jeongin sniffles. The thought of having to visit your grave every week to bring you flowers is immensely saddening, but Jeongin agrees anyways. He agrees, for you.

It’s the least he can do.

It’s funny how you say “leave”, like you’re going to your hometown for a month-long vacation and not actually like you’re going to be buried any time soon. Jeongin thinks it’s because you don’t want him to get too sad over his loss — a stupid thing to wish — Jeongin knows this loss is going to affect him in more ways than one.

“Jeongin, d-don’t cry…” You cup his cheek, gently brushing your thumb against his cheek and wiping away the tears that fall, one by one. Jeongin shakes his head, placing his palm on your hand and smiling at you.

“Can you do me another favor?”

“As many as you’d like Y/N.” He says. He’ll do anything you want — it’s your last wish after all.

“Bury me with my flower journal, please?” It may seem like a weird claim to bury oneself with a dusty old book, but Jeongin understands the significance — you want to hold onto those memories you made with him while writing it together, while picking flowers together and all those happy moments you exchanged.

Jeongin tries not to let his voice break again. “I will.”

You beam at his acceptance. Jeongin feels the slight thump of his heart against his chest, and a warm feeling envelopes him from inside. He’s suddenly overcome with an urge to press delicate kisses on your eyelids, though he tries to shoo it away, because it isn’t the main point of focus right now.

But soon your mother walks in, and it’s all small talk and deep conversations with her at the same time. You have breakfast, persuade (more like force) Jeongin to scarf down his meal and giggle about some random jokes thrown here and there, until the doctor comes in. Both Jeongin and your mother stand up, bowing and wishing good morning while you do too. Wish, not stand up. You’re basically tied to the bed at this point.

“Mrs L/N, I’d have had a word with you in private, but I think Miss Y/N needs to hear this too.” 

“What is it, doctor?”

You furrow your eyebrows in confusion and Jeongin’s grip on your hand tightens, thumb rubbing over your skin to soothe your obvious tension. The doctor slides the transparent, firm sheet off it’s envelope before letting the sunlight hit the back of it, in order to enable a clearer viewing.

“This is… the most unusual case I’ve ever seen, but —” He points to a junction on the scan. “The flowers have actually reduced in amount, and they've separated from the windpipe by a whole two inches. See?” He points at the edges of the lungs and at the windpipe, but you understand what he means. The flowers are there, no doubt, but it’s almost like — a whole stem of them just disappeared into thin air.

Of course this could’ve been because you coughed them up, but the coughed up flowers go instantly, or so you’ve heard. There’s confusion written on all of your faces right now.

“Is that why I was feeling lighter and easier to breathe today? Because the flowers withered off and gave more space for air?” You ask in your low voice, and your doctor nods.

“Seems like it. Do you have your previous scan?” Your mother hands it to him quickly after a great deal of fishing out of her purse.

He places the earlier scan behind the newer one, and suddenly, you can see what he means. It’s almost like they shrunk — you don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but nonetheless, you’re happy you can breathe a bit more.

“What does this mean, though?” Jeongin asks, bewildered at the strange news. The room is so quiet and the tension is thick enough to cut with a knife, and you can see both your mother and Jeongin waiting for the doctor’s words.

“It means that we’ll take another scan tomorrow, a deeper one. And check if the flowers are actually collecting somewhere else, or just disappearing. And if they are disappearing…” He trails off, and you giggle when Jeongin and your mother lean forward in anticipation, though curious yourself.

“She’ll be home by Christmas. Or even earlier, if the recovery speed is fast.”

“Y-You mean… I can be cured?” Your voice shakes with hope, and the doctor smiles sweetly at you, before nodding.

“Yes dear, you’ll be the first patient who’s walked out of this place cured from hanahaki.”

At that moment, it almost feels like every flower inside your chest wilts out — you feel so light, so ecstatic. You’re over the clouds at the news, and don’t even hear your mother’s cries of thankfulness before the doctor heads out.

“Y/N!” Jeongin exclaims, ignoring the fluttering feeling in his heart and the burn in his cheeks when he cups your own. “You’re gonna come home!”

You shake with soft sobs, and smile at Jeongin.

“I’m gonna come home.” Provided the scan tomorrow showed a positive result, but you don’t bother to mention that part.

And the next day, when your scan results come back, a huge smile adorns your face, and your mother is in tears. Happy tears.

The sunshine is overly bright today, leaving you squinting for sight, especially when you’re seated in a garden out in the open, book in one hand and the other one resting against the cool, moist grass. The air holds a musky forest scent, and you revel in the feeling of the shivers the cold air that cuts through skin brings.

The park is relatively empty for the morning — you’re glad it is, because it brings on a sense of calmness that you seem to like. The surroundings are just perfect — you don’t want anyone to disrupt your mood right now.

So yeah. The story ends that way. You recover, bit by bit, though it takes a whole bunch of time. There were times when you still had to cough out those petals, but you couldn’t be happier — it felt as though you were spitting out those vicious thorns that had tormented and threatened your life. The doctors had no idea how you’d managed to recover — but this was an interesting case to put into their portfolio, so they weren’t complaining.

And oh, you had Jeongin to help you through all of it, of course. 

It had taken you two weeks to be discharged from the hospital and be able to finally walk again, but when you did it — you felt like a whole new person, in a whole new world. Sure, you had to hold onto your mother or Jeongin wherever you went for the first week or so — it was almost like your legs had turned jelly.

When you returned home, Jeongin insisted that he take you to the garden every day, and when you complained that you couldn’t walk, he’d lifted you into his arms (bridal style, again) and carried you all the way there, and then given you a piggyback ride you all the way back home.

Eventually, you ended up telling him the truth — that the unrequited love that caused everything was because of how you’d fallen for him. You figured he deserved it, especially when he’d stuck with you the whole time without any hesitation and helped you whenever he could — he was truly one of the nicest, kindest people you’d ever met.

Of course, you were surprised when Jeongin only smiled and told you that he knew what you were talking about, and then proceeded to narrate how he’d overheard you in the hospital. Giggles left his lips when you gave him that meme-worthy look, making him shake his head before slinging and arm over his shoulder.

Surprisingly, that night ended just like the books — lovey-dovey confessions exchanged in the warm and intimate setting of the night sky, over shy smiles and lingering kisses. The both of you finally gave in to each other.

Huh, so maybe you were wrong about them — books — after all.

So when, your love was returned in the end, every flower in your chest had finally disappeared, and you couldn’t have been happier.

“You know when I brought you here I wanted you to help me pick flowers and not read a book?”

You laugh at the voice that comes from behind, closing the book shut before placing it on the side while Jeongin takes a seat beside you, hissing at the slight coldness of the grass. Ah, what a romantic scenario — green and colorful flowers as far as the eye could see, a book that you’ve been trying to finish but have never been able to because your boyfriend keeps interrupting you with his random outbursts of affection, and said person sitting right next to you.

“Well, you keep interrupting me all the time!” You chuckle, sliding a hand behind his shoulder before pulling him down to lie on your lap, and Jeongin complies. A sigh of content leaves his lips when he feels your fingers comb through his hair to rid them of any tangles — Jeongin feels stupid to not realise how much he loves you. It feels nice to call you his, feels nice to be able to say I love you, in all of it’s true meaning.

“What, I can’t cuddle my girlfriend now? Come on,” He takes your other hand in his, turning onto his back to look up at you before pressing his lips to the back of your hand. You feel the heat creep up your cheeks when he calls you his girlfriend, still not being able to take it in without growing immensely shy.

“You crybaby, fine. I’ll read the book later only because I love you and you give exceptionally nice cuddles.”

“Hmm, good.” He mumbles sleepily, eyes fluttering shut in calmness when he feels your fingers brush away any stray locks of hair that may get into his eyes. The reaction to your touch is so immediate these days, Jeongin thinks it’s a part of his routine now. Spend at least an hour admiring you in all of your happy, healthy glory.

Meanwhile, you’re sitting there, admiring his features in silence. His hair has grown longer now — Jeongin refuses to cut it no matter your endless verbalizations of how his original haircut looked better — and a small part of you has grown fond of this look too. His warm skin, and his sparkly eyes when he looks up at you, the bright, loving smile that he displays before getting out of your lap, kissing you on your lips to break you out of your focus.

The action only makes you more shy, and Jeongin laughs, cooing at your behavior before standing up, dusting his clothes off the dirt and extending his hand for you.

“Lend me a hand, will you?”

The line seems vaguely familiar and you’re overcome with a sense of deja vu, but nonetheless, you give him your hand, standing up before picking up your satchel and handing him his own.

“Now are you gonna pick a rose for me or do I have to do it myself again?” Jeongin raises an eyebrow and smirks, and you frown, slapping his arm before walking off to check all the flowers in their bushes.

“Hey, wait for me! Y/N!”

When he reaches you, he slides a hand into your own, interlacing the fingers before looking at you lovingly.

“I love you.” You both say at the same time, giggling at each other soon after — perhaps at how well you knew each other to time the confession so well.

So, this is how it ends. While you do think that things could’ve been handled differently, you’re glad that everything went the way it went, because in the end, you’d found him, he’d found you, you’d discovered your feelings together. You loved each other.

Because love and a red rose could never be truly hid.

but what if she had never recovered?

taglist: @inkidz​ @stayverse​ @districtninewriters​ @kpopscape​ @skzwritersclub​ + @sunoo-luvs​ @sleepylixie​ @rae-blogging​ @happiestgirlontheeastcoast @guerillrah​ @p2q3r4​ @baby-innie​ (Please send me an ask if you’d like to be added to my taglist!) *oh holy lord pls let this show up in the tags*

[m-o-o-n-s-g-o-o-n-s]

IT’S MUSIC TIME MY GOONIES PT. 3

FT. MY YOUTUBE PLAYLIST

hehe, so i have been wanting to do one of these again for a while now, so here we are! but instead, we’re doing my youtube playlist, which has all the slowed, sadder versions of songs that i like. yes, i like sad songs, oops :P. ballads have always been my jam, probably always will be so, here are some songs from my playlist! once again, putting the playlist on shuffle and just going with the flow besides the occasional skip lol :P

people i feel like would like to see this: @loth-wolffe @weirdcharacter @ladykatakuri @ahsokasleftbicep

———

happier by olivia rodrigo but it’s ten times sadder

by wisterxiaa

i love slowed versions of songs, that is like the way to my heart lol 😂 this is really nice, her voice sounds really cool slowed down like this. the electric guitar in like the middle sounds so cool omgg. is it sad? yeah, a little, but it’s really nice slowed down like this. most of the time, the titles say this in my playlist, but i just like the way it’s slowed lol 😂. the thumbnail is so pretty 9/10, love the purple and the monarch butterflies :) overall, recommend this song when your in the mood for some olivia rodrigo, but a tad bit sadder. AND THE OOH’S AT THE END HIT DIFFERENT OMGGGG AND SHE SOUNDS SO BROKEN AND SOFT AT THE END APOBIHJ[OADSIJB

everybody loves somebody - dean martin (slowed n reverb)

by starclouds

pretty sure i got this song from General Angsty (if i didn’t, apologizes), but this slowed down verison HITS THE SPOT. i love his voice in this slowed way, it is so interesting. also, it’s reverb? like? yes, please. the thumbnail is actually a GIF that is a fountain, it’s pretty cool, 7/10, also this makes me wanna sway with like Echo or something (actually now that i think of it, i’m pretty sure i got this from General Angsty’s dancing post with the boys, which made me so SoFt omg :)) overall, recommend listen to this when you wanna sway with your lover in like a dance club, but your nestled into their neck and your pulled so close and it’s warm in their embrace :) the instruments also are really nice in this verison.

Clair De Lune Ethereal Remix

by A.Krishna

IF ALL MUSIC SUDDENLY BECAME ETHEREAL ON YOUTUBE, I WOULD MOST LIKELY CRY. so i love ethereal remixes, there’s just something so… whimsical about ethereal remixes. this song is so pretty and beautiful on ethereal omgggGGGg. the thumbnail is beautiful 10000000/10. I just- this sounds like a song you would use as like a look back through your entire life, like every memory and moment just appearing as this song plays WOW. and when the piano climax’s in the midDLE OMGGGG it is INSANE, LIKE THE EMOTIONS THAT GO THROUGH MY BRAIN AOBIASDNB and then it gets super soft and quiet aaaahhhh CAN YOU TELL I LIKE ETHEREAL?? IDK IF YOU CAN 😂 anyways, overall recommend this song when your just watching the rain fall and reminiscing about good times in your life :)

heather - conan gray ( slowed + reverb)

by Vibey

okay definitely this song is sadder slowed, like THE FEELS OMGG but it’s amazing slowed, like the original is awesome, AND THEN THIS???!! so the thumbnail is a really pretty GIF of this VHS tape just playing, and it’s purple so 10/10. this definitely brings the raspy part of his voice, and i really like it (or that’s just the reverb lol 😂) only thing i do not like about this slowed version is it cuts off the end of the song at the end of the video, and I don’t know why, but it’s still really good, so i don’t mind too much :). it’s very pretty and sad all at the same time. overall, recommend listening to this song when your just chilling, staring up at the ceiling and your like “let’s be a puddle of sad for a sec”

Chiquitita(slowed+reverbed)💜

by Brown Aesthetic Syndrome

LIL’ SOKA, IT’S OUR SONG!! OUR SONG SLOWED AND REVERBED IS SO PRETTY, AND AWESOME!!! MKAY, SO THE THUMBNAIL IS COOL, 8/10, THE FLOWERS ARE PRETTY!! YES, I WILL BE SCREAMING ABOUT THIS SONG LOL 😂 THE PIANO SOUNDS SO PRETTY IN THIS, LIKE IT’S SO MUCH MORE BROUGHT OUT :))), AND THEIR VOICES SOUND SO PRETTY SLOWED!!! OH AND THE CHORUS ITS DIFFERENT OMGGGGG AOPBINAS[FDPOIBJOFIBOAFINBPOJ IT’S SO INSANE OMGGG AOIBAPDOFSKGN!! ANYWAYS RECOMMEND THIS SONG WHEN YOU ARE LIKE “I NEED ABBA VIBES, BUT SLOWED” ALBKNDSPFOBIN

billie eilish - my future - slowed dreamy reverb

by ayabe

so this song is incredible, like it slowed really hits different. billie’s voice has always been so interesting to me because sometimes she sings like very whisper like, and other times she is full on belting like going insane, and i really like that she uses her voice in multiple different ways during her songs. billie is the number one artist i go to when i really wanna be in the feels, and this verison of my future is so amazing. the beat is so interesting, and the thumbnail is really cool 9/10, also i don’t know what the language is nor, do i know what it says, so if you do, let me know lol 😂 but the picture is cool. this song is one i listen to all the time because it’s just- yes. overall recommend this song when your chilling in bed, just in the dark, with the window open on a summer night :)

friends on the other side - s l o w e d

by angelicsounds

THIS IS SO EPIC SLOWED OMGGGGG I CAN’T NOT EVEN EXPLAIN AOBPINADOPBNF I REALLY FEEL LIKE A SPOOKY DUDE WHO KNOWS HOW TO DO SOME SPOOKY STUFF OMGGG i love the original song, and i also really like the cover by annapantsu, definitely recommend her verison too! this has got to be the coolest disney villain song slowed down, hands down. the thumbnail is a GIF of this anime character’s eyes doing weird looking highlight stuff lol idk what to call it, 8/10. overall, recommend when you wanna listen to a song that makes you feel like the main villain in a story :) AND THE ENDING HITS DIFFERENT OMGGGGGGGG

le valse de l’amour - patrick doyle (slowed down)

by mari

okay, so we all know that I love Cinderella. and this song is so incredible, i can’t- okay, but just imagine… the bad batch, undercover at a senate ball, you, trying to make sure the senators are safe. the boys are in their separate locations, you know, watching, making sure everyone is good. some random dude from out of nowhere tries to make you dance with him. you are obviously like “um, what the heck, please no sir.” and suddenly…

“may i have this dance?”

it’s Hunter (or crosshair, but i’ve written a fic about Hunter dancing with the reader, so i feel like he would be a good dancer).

anyways, he whisks you away from random dude, and your like “Hunter there’s no music” because the orchestra just finished their previous song, and he’s like

“just wait.”

bam, this song comes on.

and suddenly, Hunter’s waltzing with you and you didn’t even know he could waltz. and it’s exactly like the scene from Cinderella 2015. So you two are doing your own thing in the middle of the ballroom, and everyone starts moving out of the way because woah these people are really good at dancing

and you are just shocked because HOW??

and he just leads you through the whole thing. he spins you around, and if your wearing a dress and it’s got some tulle on it, it swishes around when he spins you and oh my god the butterflies and smile he gets when you giggle because you love the way it swirls around you. and then people start backing up more, because at this rate, you guys are taking up the whole dance floor.

and you just keep going, and he starts pick you up and spinning you around when the harp comes on. and he grabs you by the waist and starts swinging you around just like Kit & Ella do in the movie. and then the end of the song comes, and he dips you, brings you back up, and that’s it.

and when it’s all said and done, you just look at him, and well, he obviously looks extremely handsome, his suit is all pressed, and his hair is done back in a bun, but he’s got a few wisps coming out from your whole little dancing experience, and all you can say is:

“I-”

“shhh, mesh’la. later. i’ll tell you later.”

anyways, thumbnail is a solid 11/10, and recommend if you wanna daydream about dancing at a senator ball with Hunter.

no i am not planning on writing a fic about this, what you you implying? okay, yes i am, i am. no shame 😂

sleeping beauty - once upon a dream (slowed + reverb)

by Paige Coddington

sleeping beauty is one of my favorite disney princesses besides rapunzel & cinderella, so i love this. The GIF is so pretty, 10/10. Aurora’s voice is pretty, and her vibrato is so much more prominent in this verison, and i am obsessed. this is so pretty, I- speechless, actually. and then philip comes in and it’s just ✨ also, i always like aurora in the pink dress when i was younger, but now i kind of like the blue dress more. they should have just given her a purple dress i guess lol 😂 overall, really pretty, recommend when you are in the mood for some more nostalgic disney vibes :)

D a n c i n g Q u e e n 女王

by v a p o r w a v e

okay so i originally found this on an edit of “the snap from avengers infinity war, but dancing queen” -

and when i tell you that the snap got even sadder, I-

anyways, i also really like vaporwave music, very interesting and very cool. i love the video because i’m pretty sure it’s the original music video, but it looks like your looking through a kaleidoscope, so 100000000/10. this song is so good vaporwave, like, just yes. like when i say this hits different, like for real, this hits different. ABBA is always good, but this by far has to be my favorite thing of ABBA music i have ever found. It’s like…

it’s just incredible.

like i said with the ethereal remix of clair de lune, this is like a song that you put on your life, and just look at all the memories and moments that have happened to you.

overall, recommend when you wanna just sit and think for awhile, or maybe make the snap from avengers infinity war sadder

———

and that’s it! i decided that i would just stick to 10, the other ones i have done are about 12, and i just thought it was a good number lol 😂 i hope you guys enjoy these as much as I do, and check out my pinned post to see them all linked on one post :)

lots of spells (& music listening),

moony

[karasunology]

⸙ ˚₊ ➷ IWAIZUMI HAJIME BEING A DAD HEADCANONS! ❞

✎ . . . Herrroooo! 👋🏽 May I request a Baby daddy head canon (The “as dads” head canons lol) please? For Iwaizumi and Nishinoya please and thank you 💞 Love your writing too!!!

❝ ― submitted by @ nonnie <3 ❞

✎ . . . jae idk whether anyone has requested this but is it okay if i request for some iwaizumi and ushi dad HCs 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 ur HCs make me SO soft and tbh i just wanna live in ur imaginations 😢💞

❝ ― submitted by @b0kuto <3 ❞

✎ . . . since you did oikawa as a dad, what about my boyfie iwachann?? and maybe how their kids will interact with each other, thank you if you ever consider💛

❝ ― submitted by @ nonnie <3 ❞

-ˏˋ ➶ character(s) ━ iwaizumi hajime <3

[ trigger warnings ━ slight manga spoilers !! ]

✎ . . . DAD HEADCANONS.

[ SUGAWARA KOUSHI & OIKAWA VERSION. ] [ BOKUTO KOUTARO VERSION. ] [ MIYA ATSUMU VERSION. ] [ KUROO TETSUROU & KOZUME KENMA HEADCANONS. ]

-ˏˋ playing soleil's tape ˊˎ-

[ 📼 ] . . . happy 900 followers and happy birthday lizzie !! @kaidasen , i have two other iwaizumi hcs in my inbox and one being another dad req but not just general hcs and phew i'm tired

IWAIZUMI HAJIME.

➜ i'm not a s*mp but,,,

➜ i would glady offer him my hand in marraige

➜ you two weren't quick to settle down, since the both of you have been busy with your own jobs especially then, trying to survive a comitted long-distance relationship

➜ but now that it has been almost a year since you two got married, hajime knew he wanted to start a family with you

➜ and when i tell you that if MANS EVER EVEN THOUGHT of having children WITH YOU, you're in it for a long long run my love

➜ listen ─ iwa is a rational and decisive man, stubborn too, but overall thinks first before bringing these types lf serious stuff with you

➜ knowing that once you agree, mans will not be able to hold back anymore

➜ it was quite funny actually, since it has been a running joke between you two with your baby fever phase in high school that you soon grew out of when you attended collage.

➜ iwa used to relentlessly tease tf out of you but even then, he couldn't help but be the one that you want to have a child with

➜ now all the left over pride he has vanished away while he looks like a CLOWN as he nervously asked you about starting a family with him

➜ emodiment of👉👈😳🥺

➜ because now it was YOUR turn to tease tf out of him, payback bitch

➜ iwa : what if we . . start a family?? 😳👉👈 haha i'm joking . . . unless??

➜ you : it's funny how bitches turned into my fans💅💸

“ wow how the turn tables ”

“ baby girl, i don't think that's how it ─ ”

“ ─ aha simp ”

➜ but regardless, you immediately agreed to his offer and you BET that iwa would give you payback for all the teasing you have done in the bedroom

➜ ok bet fill me up to the brim sir

➜ okay um chile ,, i have to keep reminding of myself that this is a family friendly show

➜ he may be a little busy with work sometimes, but he'll always try to have time to go with you on your baby check ups and appointments which, he, actually booked the second you told him you were pregnant

➜ but whenever he doesn't, he would always be a lot more affectionate whenever he goes home to see you and would hear how you talk about updates from the doctor as he just RUBS YOUR TUMMY as he apologizes for not coming with you😭

➜ when you gave birth to a beautiful hanako, iwa couldn't help but cry because wow??YOU ARE SO WONDERFUL AND HE IS SO PROUD TO HAVE YOU AS HIS WIFE, AND YOU GAVE HIM THIS LOVELY MASTERPIECE OKAY AIGHT

➜ hajime didn't really care about gender now, but before he actually wanted a son, but as i said now, all his mind was just about you and your daughter ─ his precious girls

➜ besides, he has all the time in the world to make a son with you or two

➜ hanako, no matter how sweet she could be ─ she is lowkey a little shit too

➜ prefers hajime over you but would LOVE to rile him up and make it seem that she prefers you over him

➜ he would be a strict father, but such a softie for his daughter that he forgets why he even was mad when your daughter pulls up with THE TRUMP CARD with the same puppy eyes you always used on him

➜ like mans was already a goner but aight

➜ gets FLUSTERED AND EMBARESSED whenever hanako wants him to play with her with her dolls and he also has to act out with her lmao, but we all know she was doing it on purpose

➜ your daughter is a   s a d i s t

➜ makes her dad watch all the OLD barbie movies because she doesn't👏like👏the👏new👏ones👏

➜ periodt 😡💅

➜ has grown to LOVE the thought of being a princess AND HAJIME CALLS HER PRINCESS ALL THE TIME AHH

“ but daddy i'm a princess !! of course i need a prince ” hanako pouted as iwaizumi's tick mark just grew with the thought of his daughter having another boy in her life other than him ( and oikawa & perhaps future brothers😳 )

“ why would you need a prince when you already have your knight in shinning armor here, ” he gestured vigorously to himself with his hands moving up and down from his head to toe

“ oh yeah! i guess i'm okay with that ” your daughter giggled before calling out to you as she saw you coming into her line of sight, reaching her hands out for you to carry her

➜ and by the time you have her in your arms, she would always nuzzle her little head onto your neck, but this time, before he could, she looked back at her father ─ but this time with a mischievous glint

“ ─ for now ” she smiled cheekily before tugging you to head over to kitchen because one, she wants to get away from her father's intense aura emitting from him, and two, she was hungry

➜ as you can see, bb girl loves to rile up her father, but as i said, iwa could never stay mad for too long

➜ would, yes, kinda yell at his kids, but would NEVER EVER hit them

➜ would kinda BONK🔨💥 them but not the childhood traumatizing methods

➜ he has strong beliefs that hitting children are a no-go, because it would probably affect them in the future, and there are other, better and appropriate ways to handle them without leaving them in child trauma

➜ since argentina is close to california where you and iwa have settled down, you bet that oikawa BEGGED them to have a small little reunion atleast every other three months LMAO

➜ and when you gave birth to your son, hayato, oikawa's offer did not STOP, and when oikawa finally had the time to visit you guys with his family ─ it was chaotic.

➜ first of, hanako is so mean to oikawa for some reason but she also kinda likes him too?? 😭

➜ oikawa : that's so upsettin😔

➜ then moves to hayato because unLIKE A CERTAIN SOMEONE, hayato being the precious bb boy he is, accepted all the love oikawa would give him

“ hana-chan, yahoo !! ” before uncle tooru could engulf hanako as he ran up to her with arms open wide, she avoided his figure as he went pass her and hit himself on a lampost

➜ with a blank stare, she crouched to his cowering figure as he rubbed the spot on his head that hit the post while whining, poking his side in curiousity.

“ uncle, are you alright ─ ”

“ ─ oi, shittykawa what are you doing ─ ”

➜ as you and your husband along with oikawa's wife and kids, run up to where the two duo were crouching, your toddler son tilted his head innocently

“ shittykawa . . . ? ”

➜ usually these reunion day would always end in traditional family dinner with the iwaizumis and the oikawas ─ and after that, their offsprings just couldn't get away from each other when it's time to go 🥺

“ i don't want them to leave :( ” hayato pouted as he wouldn't let go of his little tug on akiro's sweater

“ hana-chan !! ” hikaru clung onto hanako as hanako quietly glared at him, trying to shake him off while she shyly held onto akio as aiko starts scolding her little brother

➜ also side note : you bet that they would come back to japan just to attend aobajohsai

➜ anywh0res😍

➜ iwaizumi is the type of dad that would give EQUAL amounts of love to his children, would never have favouritism with his children because that shit actually hurts ngl😔

➜ would arm wRESTLE with hayato but he doesn't wanna hurt him so he would always let him win though it may cost his pride

➜ someone thirst with me about his arms please😭😭

➜ when he's soft'ish

➜ it was near father's day and you have been planning for it along with your children but you guys were anything BUT LOWKEY

➜ iwaizumi could literally hear giggling in one of the rooms and he goes to check it out and sees nodding vigorously at hayato.

➜ wanting to join in the fun, he opened the door and leaned onto the door frame expecting for you to call for him to join you guys

➜ but to his suprised, you guys stayed unusually quiet while your two kids avoided eye contact with him

➜ iwaizumi was upset being left out, but didn't really comment on it. but as father's day rolls in with your two kids waking him up as he goes down to the kitchen to see his favourite breakfast along with some cards from hanako and hayato, and with you smiling warmly at him as you took off your apron before kissing him a goodmorning in his cheeks ─ he knew it was worth it, whatever you guys were planning

“ ew, mommy kissed dada!! ” shrieked by your children as hajime stuck a tongue at them as he grinned at you, lovesick, before he could get to steal kiss on your lips, you pushed his head to look at the opposite side

“ brush your teeth first, and THEN, i will think about kissing you ”

[awigglycultist]

Okay so I have a headcanon that Spencer and Graham meet Paul, Artie and Liam (Paul's roommate if you don't know/remember) at like comic con or some sort of convention and then become friends so uhh here's some incorrect quotes because why not

Spencer: You're a loose cannon, Paul

Paul: No, I'm not. I'm a cannon maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me?

Liam: I think you play by your own rules

Artemis: No way, he thinks rules were made to be broken

Spencer: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon

Paul: No, I'm just a reckless renegade. Graham is a loose cannon

Graham: *smashes a chair*

---

Graham: I’m gonna need a human skull and I can't have you ask any questions why

Liam: Only if you also don't ask why

Liam: *Pulls out 7 pristine human skulls* Take your pick

Graham:

Liam:

Graham: This one is fine

---

Artemis, banging on the door: Graham! Open up!

Graham: Well, it all started when I was a kid...

Paul: No, she meant-

Spencer: Let him finish

--

Liam: There are seven chairs and ten people. What do you do?

Spencer: Have everyone stand

Artemis: Bring three more chairs!

Paul: The most important ones can sit down

Graham: Kill three

---

Artemis: Is having a penis fun?

Paul: It has its ups and downs

Graham: Sometimes it’s a little hard

Liam: It’s a pain in the ass

Spencer: Oh, Jesus, fuck, guys, come on.

---

Paul: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?

Graham: I'm a knife

Spencer, from across the room: They're the little spoon

---

Paul: Hey, you want some leftovers?

Graham: What's that?

Paul: You've never had leftovers???

Graham: No, because I'm not a quitter.

---

Liam: Care for another sundae, weenie?

Spencer: I am not a weenie!

Paul: Relax, you’re among friends. *raises his drink*

Spencer: My friends don’t hang out at Weenie Hut Jr’s.

Graham: You tell ‘em, Spencer! *sips his drink*

Spencer: Graham, what’re you doing here?

Graham: I’m always here on Double Weenie Wednesdays

---

Spencer: We’ve been conducting an ongoing study to see what Paul will and will not eat.

Graham: Grass? Yes!

Spencer: Moss? Yes!!

Graham: Leaves? Ohh, yes!

Spencer: Shoelaces? Strange but true!

Graham: Worms? Sometimes!

Spencer: Rocks? Usually nah.

Graham: Twigs? Usually!

Spencer: Liam's cooking? Inconclusive!

Artemis: How did you… test this?

Spencer: You just hand them stuff and say ‘eat this’ and if he eats it, he eats it

Artemis: ... I don’t know how to feel about this

Liam: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE SHOELACES WENT?

Paul to Artie later: look being a half werewolf does things to you

---

Graham: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?

Artemis: You’re a hazard to society

Liam: And a coward. DO TWENTY!

---

Spencer, setting down a card: Ace of spades

Graham, pulling out an Uno card: +4

Paul, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you

Artemis, trembling: What are we playing

---

Artemis: How did none of you hear what I just said?

Paul: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours

Spencer: I got distracted about halfway through

Graham: Ignoring you was a conscious decision

---

Spencer: It’s dark in here

Paul: Don’t worry dude I got this

Paul: *Stomps his feet*

Paul: *Skechers light up*

---

Paul: Graham isn’t answering his phone

Spencer: I’ll call

Artemis: Paul and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-

Graham: Hello?

---

Graham: Hey, what do IDK, LY, and TTYL mean?

Spencer: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later

Graham: Ok, I love you too, I’ll just ask Artie

---

Paul to Artemis: On the count of three, what's your favorite cake? One, two, three-

Paul and Artemis, in unison: Chocolate cake peanut butter frosting with chocolate chunks!

Graham: Our turn, Spencer! One, two, three- vanilla!

Spencer, deadpan: I've never had cake, what is cake.

---

Liam: Why are Spencer and Graham sitting with their backs to each other?

Artemis: They had a fight

Liam: Then why are they holding hands?

Artemis: They get sad when they fight

---

Spencer: Isn’t it weird that we pay money to see other people?

Paul: Plane tickets?

Liam: Concert tickets?

Graham: Prostitution?

Spencer, holding his broken frames: Glasses.

---

Graham: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

Spencer: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

Graham: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING PAUL WITH ME

Artemis, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

---

Graham: You fuckers don’t know about my knife stick. It’s a knife taped to a stick and it’s the ultimate weapon.

Artemis, not looking up from her book: Spear.

Graham: BLOCKED

---

Spencer: You have to apologize to Artemis

Graham: Fine.

Graham: 'Unfuck you' or whatever

---

Spencer: There is no future. There is no past. Do you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet.

Paul:

Artemis:

Liam:

Everyone Else At Spencer's Surprise Birthday Party:

Graham: All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first

---

[The group, playing DND, are in a prison cell that was just hit by an earthquake]

Paul: Uh, I'm gonna roll a perception check of... 4, and see if our cell is, uh, in any way damaged by this quake

Spencer: You're in a prison cell

Artemis: You did great. Well, I got a 10-

Spencer: You're in a prison cell with bars on it

Graham: I got a 1!

Spencer: You're in... a cube-shaped place.

---

Artemis: Welcome, idiots

Spencer: Hello, Artemis

Artemis: No, no, not you, you're not an idiot

Spencer: You underestimate me

---

Paul: If I die, my funeral is going to be the biggest party ever and you’re all invited

Spencer: If?

Graham: Great, the only party I’ve ever been invited to and they might not even die!

---

Store Worker: Would a Ms Schue-Horyn please come to the front desk?

Artemis, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?

Store Worker, pointing to Paul and Liam: I believe they belong to you?

Paul and Liam, simultaneously: We got lost :(

Artemis: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me-

---

Paul: Liam... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?

Liam: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned

Paul:

Paul: I wrote sanitize, Liam

---

Graham, after Artemis and Paul were complaining about APN: I'm gonna burn this place to the ground

Artemis: I'll show you where my desk is. You can start there

---

Graham: What's the expression? Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice... fiddle-dee-dee.

Liam: Fool me once, and I'll be fooled for a day. Teach me how to fool people and I'll be fooled for the rest of my life.

Paul: Fool me once, fool me twice, fool me chicken soup with rice.

---

Graham: Back in uni I once self medicated with a mix of NyQuil and DayQuil called QuilTM in the hopes it would manage my undiagnosed ADHD

Paul: And did that actually work?

Graham: Spencer tells me I wasn't much different than usual but, between you and me, I don't remember my entire sophomore year

---

Graham: I'll whoop their ass.

Spencer: Wait, don't! That's Artemis!

Graham: Wait, is it?

Graham: I mean, I'm still gonna do it, but is it?

---

Liam: Wow, Graham. I like seeing you get all feisty

Graham: That's the Graham way

Spencer: I thought the Graham way was a toasted bagel with grape jelly?

Graham: That's the Graham breakfast way

[hollabackholmes]

THINGS IN ENDGAME (SPOILERS!!!)

-Jesus Christ that first scene with Clint punched me in the throat

-how aggressive nebula was playing games with tony

- The way nebula helped tony up into his seat :,)

- “only a little bit sadistic”

- the cinematography in the moment where Tony lays down and the galaxy is behind him my god

- “I lost the kid” STOP IT RIGHT NOW

- rocket?? Or Build a bear???

- did rdj lose weight for that first section of the film or am I just tripping?

-anyone else find it funny that thanos suddenly became a cook with a nice little home and garden????

- the rest of this list will definitely be all over the place because I can’t remember the order of things happening #soz

-I really liked how they included that LGBTQ+ relationship in that support group that Steve was in.

-Steve saying something really sweet (can’t remember the exact words but it was something along the lines of ‘you took the jump not knowing how far you’d fall’??? Or something??? Sorry I’m awful)

-Clint really does own my ass

-That scene where he was in Tokyo holy shit I would die for him

-“don’t give me hope” “I’m sorry I couldn’t give it to you sooner”

-Natasha crying after cutting a peanut butter sandwich is a MOOD

-NATASHA DOESNT GIVE UP STEVE OFCOURSE IT NEEDS TO BE DONE

- !!make that rat president 2020!!

-Scott is a cutie until you realise how much those past five years (hours for him) must’ve screwed with his mind.

-The way he searches the plaques 😥😥😥😥

- Time machine jokes

-Back to the future jokes

-Scott rushing to eat Nats sandwich

-CLINT LEANING AGAINST THE DOOR, FUCK ME WITH A RAKE

-HIS TATTOOS. I WANT THAT SHOT TO BE TATTOOED ON MY FACE

- Bruce the celeb

-“SAY GREEN! GREEN! Did you get that?” MY FUCKING GOD I LOVE HIM

-Scott feeling embarrassed that the kids don’t know who he is

- “look he’s even shaking his head” SCOTT

-I love this so much

-THOR🤯PLAYS🤯FORTNITE🤯

-ngl I’m Thor. I love beer. But shit...that belly.

-props to the prosthetics team for making that body suit look so realistic

-The way he walks into the avengers headquarters with his sunglasses on hahahaha

-HULK EATING BEN AND JERRIES IS ALSO A MOOD

-Scott being the test run for the whole time travelling stuff was such a good scene

-and then when Scott’s taco gets blown away:( but then Bruce gives him another one :,)

-“is he asleep?” “No, he’s dead” HAHA

-That scene with them all walking together big oof vibe

-Oh I forgot to say how amazing both Carols and Natasha’s hair is like damn ladies

-SEEING THE FIRST AVENGERS ASSEMBLE SEQUENCE OH MY GOD I SOBBED

-hulk being embarrassed

-hulk trying to get angry

-nebula and Rhodes watching Quill dance

-“this is the part where blades come out with skeletons on the end”

-nebula sacrificing her hand to get the stone :,) character development

-Thanos has a small dick for hurting nebula in both versions of her

-Felt weird seeing Gamora from before she became good??

-Bruce and the ancient one talking, I just really like that whole dynamic

-Tony as the security guard omfg

-LOKI BABY

-HAIL FUCKING HYDRA BABY

-STEVE VS STEVE BABYYYYY

-AMERICAS ASS BABYYYYYYYYY 😏😏😏

-Steve And tony going back in time again

-Tony and his dad. So sweet. Him talking about Morgan with him

-OH MY GODNI MISSED OUT A POINT ABOUT MORGAN

-SO BASICALLY IM IN LOVE WITH DAD!TONY AND I LOOOOVEEE YOUUUU 3000 IS THE CUTEST SHIT IVE EVER HEARD

-Steve seeing Peggy :((

-I’m here for the whole ‘Judging-Tony’s-Beard’ thing

-Clint and Natasha.... I don’t wanna talk about this yet :(

-Thor and his mums interaction. Cute. The whole thing about being a failure and feeling like you need to be more is super super relatable idk I just felt very much like Thor in that scene

-okay I’m ready to talk about Clint and Natasha now. So basically I think Natasha died a heroes death. She was so ready to sacrifice herself for the greater good. What made it fuckin hurt though was the fact that Clint was ready to die because he didn’t want to see Natasha go through that death. He wanted to protect her. He even says later on ‘it should have been me’. So I think Natasha would be proud, but Clints gonna have to live with the memory of seeing his best friend die without being able to do anything about it.

- That whole thing about making sure her death was worth it uGH

-also Thor’s denial.... yeah. Same here bud.

-Thor begging Tony to let him do this one good thing :( I was sad :( super sad yall

-genuinely thought Bruce was about to die when he put the glove on

-THANOS IS A GIANT TWAT

-HULK ROCKET AND RHODES ALL HELPING EACHOTHER OUT

-Scott being the real hero out here again

-the fight

-holy shit the fight

-StEVE BEING ABLE TO USE THORS HAMMER

-“I knew it!!!”

-That whole sequence of him using the shield and the hammer. My thighs were trembling bitch.

-THEN WHEN YOU HEAR SAM AND THEN THE YELLOW RING AND EVERYONE FUCKING ARRIVES

-PETER MY BABY BOY YOU DID SO GOOD SWOOPING IN THEN

-DOCTOR STRANGE U HOT STUFF

-PEPPER HOLY SHIT

-EVERYTHING HAPPENED SO FAST

-BUCKY

-THE WASP

-VALKYRIE

-EVERYONEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

-OMG WANDA WAS SUCH A BADASS

-THE TRANSFER OF THE GLOVE WAS SO GOOD AND THE WAY PETERS INSTANT KILL THING HAPPENED UGH SO GOOD

-DOCTOR STRANGE CONTROLLING THAT WATER DAMNNN

-THE FUCKING HUG BETWEEN PETER AND TONY DESTROYED ME. I LEGIT SOBBED OUT LOUD.

-“Hey Peter Parker. You got something for me?”

-THE GIRLS LINING UP SENT CHILLS DOWN MY SPINE

-and now for the sad part my dudes

-doctor strange pointing one finger up. Tony knew. He just knew what he had to do.

-“I am iron man” YES YOU ARE.

-Peter sobbing “we won. Mr stark. We won. I’m sorry”

-Pepper coming to comfort Tony oh fuck i cried

-THE TAPE

-“I LOVE YOU 3000” IS WHAT IM GONNA GET TATTOOED ON ME OK

-“proof that Tony Stark has a heart” wow okay. Hit me deep then why don’t u

-the one shot of everyone at the funeral was so beautiful I loved it

-“your dad used to love cheeseburgers.... I’m gonna buy you all the cheeseburgers in the world” oh my god

-the goodbye between Steve and Bucky was perfect. I don’t care what you say. Bucky knew what was going to happen. And he allowed it because he knew Steve would be happy for a very long time.

-HOWEVER I felt like Bucky had so little screen time and the entire history between Steve and him felt so dead throughout the movie compared to how strong it has been over the past 11 years :(

-Sams panic because he thought he wouldn’t see Steve again :(

-Sam being given the shield :D

-Damn the CGI is so good in this film. Like Steve looked old but you could still see it was him. Which sounds dumb but so often, movies make it way too unrealistic to prove someone has aged. This did it just right.

-The ending scene wow. Beautiful.

-THE CREDITS WITH THE ORIGINALS AND THEIR SIGNATURES OOF!!!

-we all waited til the end of the credits just to be hit in the heart with the sound of Tony building his iron man suit.

-well thanks for going through this list :))

[lunasaturnine]

What would musicology look like? Would it look like lots of memes? Lol.

The purpose of this post was to be excited about the Future but where did all those thoughts go?

Just to let myself wander and dream…

During my wisdom a few days ago it became apparent that I AM a MUSICOLOGIST since whenever I stop doing things, musicology is what I start doing. Even if I do end up playing as well, I always have to study the music first or else I’m unhappy. Playing isn’t the first thing I want to do. I understand playing is very important, but it’s a means to an end and performance isn’t super interesting to me.

On the other hand, when I do perform well, I change people’s lives, so idk haha Can I be a musicologist for performers? Yes I absolutely can. The disconnect between understanding of music and performance of music is baffling to me.

What if I get there by staying on the same road I’m on, with my studio? They are so fun and I feel so empowered by my training.

I feel a lack in my life because I am not employed by a university. I do not have the special relationship with students, of handing down sacred knowledge, that my professors had with me. That yearning in my heart has been covered up by several things: my trauma with grad school, professors bitching about how they don’t like any of their students except me and my Franz, and general intimidation by the red tape of university, and pressure to balance teaching and researching. Plus, the general fear of narrowing down anything, because it means acknowledging all the things I will Never Be…

That’s not true though. I am having a more sensual relationship with… the… invisible world hahaha. I had a moment of holism, whatever u want to call it, washing the dish last night, realizing everything was connected, realizing washing the dish was partaking in every thing that I want in the world. It seems like a profound understanding, that I’ve fought for? Or grown towards, determinedly and without guidance, my whole life. It also seems like it’s a necessary precursor to enjoying literally anything about life.

How does the fact that everything is a part of everything else influence my general anxiety about career and the future? It can really soothe all kinds of anxieties if I invite it to do so. Here I invite it….

Mmm

Every single dream I have, every single reality I want, I can touch in every moment. I can lift the cup to my mouth in a way that makes everything impossible or a way that makes everything possible anD FULL OF GLITTER. Wow. That’s… different. I feel the reality of that, more so than I did just two or three days ago. WOW!

So I should dream. Well. When I don’t feel capable of many things, my dreams all feel bad and I send them away. But once I loved music with everything I had, and I studied it so much that I became fluent in its languages and qualified to be a cultural leader. Can I be a Cultural leader? I think I can, but only if I am inspired, which… I don’t necessarily feel right now. What I feel inspired about is the community-building aspects of music, more so than the intrinsic ones. Hmm… I’m really interested in the idea that music can be playable WELL by people of multiple skill levels. I’m really inspired by my little orchestra, of my students, and their joy and beauty and radiance. That whole thing was so wished-for.

This is still music and it’s still the little details that made music so interesting to me, but applied on a different scale. For instance, emphasizing the downbeats of Nun Ska Vi Skorda Linet Idag rather than creating a whole harmony line is brilliant… not in the sense that it’s inaccessible knowledge or no other person could have come up with it, but it is not necessarily the most direct approach, and it is inspired and correct. Even in this less elite atmosphere, I still have access to the kind of brilliance that improves people’s lives. And it’s accessible.

Hey!!! That makes me feel really good.

Here are degrees I might want to get:

A DMA at McGill

HEY! I just got an email from that guy. Looks like he’s chamber music AND orchestral studies too. Hahhaha

Well that could be cool! I could also get some kind of master’s in musicology from somewhere… in Edinburgh…

I feel less intimidated by the name of degrees, because I think of my grandfather, a very empowered and well-regarded herpetologist, whose degrees were in entomology. It’s okay to be a generalist, as long as you feel empowered to do your work. That’s what I’ve been lacking, that sense of empowerment, dignity, ability. Is that what I’ve been gathering in this second half of my twenties? Let’s say so. Hahaha

Well honestly, it has been good to DO things. To have a structure that isn’t exactly someone else’s (except my students’). It’s shown me that I am capable and smart and innovative. Hmm.

Okay this is a nice self-esteem post. McGill has always felt resonant to me. I would have to learn French, which I am opposed to on many levels. Harrumph

[stonerbughead]

maria watches friday night lights (#4)

season 2, pt 2!! (2x08-2x15)

ugh Matt is really having his Being A Stupid Teenage Boy season huh?

-lol love a good naked dude being chased scene — in this case, Smash on his recruiting trip being chased around by a potential future teammate. Classic.

(it’s kinda cute that Matt came to pick him up tho)

- the latest in season 2 being off the fucking rails: really? Riggins’ new digs include a meth lab on wheels??

-Landry confessing to murdering someone and then having his sheriff dad drag him out of the station to go home is the whitest shit EVER. Like, Landry is literally *trying* to be punished and they just won’t punish his white, cop-kid ass. ‘Murica. (I mean don’t get me wrong: it WAS self defense against someone literally stalking and trying to rape Tyra, but the point still stands that if Landry was a black kid he’d have been tried as an adult and convicted no doubt)

-YESSSSS a MySpace shoutout! we love to see it

“I hate you” - Santiago (and also me) @ Buddy Garrity

-omg Coach Taylor noticing that things aren’t good at home for Riggins and taking him in, my heart!

-Wow in just one scene Riggins charmed baby Grace, warned Tami’s sister not to shame women for eating a lot (“it can lead to anorexia, especially in girls”) and then offered to go out to the store to get baby formula in the pouring rain. What a man.

-and yes, Shelly, you fully grown woman, it IS a bad idea to lust after a TEENAGE BOY

-wow Riggins protecting Julie from the SUPER DRAMATIC TORNADO that made me laugh. Do we get to have a Riggins-Julie friendship??? bc I’d be down. We need more friendships.

-Thank you, Tami, saying “EW” to her sister watching Riggins work out! Someone has sense to know a fully grown woman shouldn’t be lusting after a teenager! Julie can lust if she wants tho, that’s age appropriate.

-DYING at Landry being aghast that Tyra’s never heard of West Side Story.

-oh god, Lyla — it is totally fair to assume your mom would tell your dad she’s getting remarried, especially if she knew you’d be seeing him — so I’m sorry you’re the one who accidentally set off whatever nonsense Buddy is gonna pull now that he knows his ex wife is “marrying that treehugger.”

“Who’s that?” “Some douchebag named Chip. who names their kid Chip anyway?” Same, Tyra, same.

-Landry, one of my biggest pet peeves is asking someone out while they’re on the clock. Like, come on! let Tyra work, boy.

-Jesus Christ it’s like everywhere Julie looks, she has to see Matt making out with someone. That’s rough.

-and oop Matt you busted bc Julie actually knows who Carlotta is!

-once a cheater, always a cheater, Buddy. And yes to Pam for being like “nah bye I’m happy now, it is over.” You treated her like garbage so here we are, sir!

-hilarious that Landry is the one who ends up throwing the first punch that gets the post-tornado, school-crossover tensions to finally boil over

-I like that they show both the fall formal and the party where everyone who didn’t go to the formal is. Nice.

-Aw poor Julie got drunk af to deal with all her feelings. This really is the season where they have Julie and Matt being sixteen year olds in the most painful ways. So maybe it’s good they’re not together during this tho I’m still looking forward to when the tide turns their way again.

-anyway, Tim is a good friend for getting the creep who thought he was “one beer away from getting laid” off of Julie.

-And....in true Texas dad fashion, Eric Taylor misinterprets everything! Noooo. We can’t have nice things.

-This Noelle-Smash partnership is definitely an interesting pairing. Two very ambitious football people courting all these recruiters while Smash’s mom side eyes them in the corner? Hilarious.

-omg not this Oklahoma tech recruiter harassing smash’s mom in the grocery store! GTFO here! Give her some fucking personal space. They really do such a good job of showing as much of the toxic shit about football culture as the inspiring, big moments.

-Aw and I love that Tami tried to help Mama Smash get the guy to go away. It’s such a familiar scene, women helping each other get a dude harassing them away. And then they have a heart to heart in the parking lot? Love that.

-omg what a throwback that Shelly TAPED OVER Eric’s football game to tape a NEW EPISODE of The Office! Love it. “Y’all should get a TiVo.”

-omg watching Tami and Eric work out arguments is so beautiful, they communicate very well! We stan a good marriage.

-wow seeing the other coach from tornado school lose his shit publicly after he knocked down Riggins was uh....wild???? This is the second time he put his hands on Riggins!

-awww Eric actually coming to apologize to riggins for overreacting about Julie when he hears the real story??? Love it.

-Weevil from Veronica Mars shows up as a friend of Santiago’s? Of course.

-WOW and Logan from Gilmore girls as a Christian radio host...tracks.

“Is that your way of telling her you like her?” Jason making a surprisingly astute observation about Tim. (And Lyla.)

-yo why would you invite your daughter’s boyfriend’s family over for dinner just to say they shouldn’t date? (And bc it’s an interracial relationship.) Southern culture is wild to me lol

-wow the racist coach from last season is now off spouting his mouth about how “no wife of mine would be working with a kid at home.” I love that Eric calls him out as sounding stupid and ignorant — you better!

-hearing that Lyla burned her cheerleading uniform is one of the most badass things she’s done so far tbh along with that dealership destruction

-off the rails update: 2x12 was toooo much!! Like, Jesus between Smash’s sister getting harassed at the movie theater by the racists who hate on smash and Noelle...and this plotline with Santiago and his old friends trashing Buddy’s place...it’s like, can we breathe.

-I could not be more excited for Carlotta to leave and another teenage boy with adult woman relationship to end.

-wow can’t believe the plotline where Riggins stole $3000 from a drug dealer isn’t ending well for him. And now Smash is getting arrested bc of those racist guys from the movie theater episode? One recap I read said that too many of this season’s plots feel contrived and I think that sums it up.

-is there any character who HASN’T worked at Buddy Garrity’s dealership at this point?!

-and yikes at all the other salespeople being mad that a salesperson in a wheelchair was hired...y’all mad ugly and ableist for that

-Tyra and Landry are....confusing

-Wait Logan from GG is an actual preacher and not just a Christian radio host? CREEPY. And he kissed Lyla? A lot to unpack there.

-lol Tim trying to woo Lyla is kinda funny to watch simply bc Tim is clearly so confounded by rejection

-I love how much space they give for Smash’s sister’s pain in the Noelle-Smash theater incident. A lesser show wouldn’t have centered her as much.

-is it mean of me to say Jason is boring AF most of the time

-yeah this dreads girl is seemingly way more compatible with Landry than Tyra yikes! Like she made him a power metal mix cd???

-wow this Smash storyline where mouthing off to the press is what gets him suspended....really checks out bc teenage boys are dumb

-I love Tami as a volleyball coach and getting to see another sport! Also as someone who’s been on a losing team I know that feeling of finally winning a game!!! Go Dillon volleyball!!! (Am I maybe currently writing a Bughead fic based on my underdog field hockey experiences? ;) yes yes I am)

-Oh shit now Saracen’s at the nihilistic Nothing Matters phase of teenage angst. Right on schedule!

-lol these two short haired blondes (white dreads Jean and Tyra) being in a love triangle with Landry is wild

-Omg jean just said, “are you a friend or are you competition?” She is not playing!

-I love Riggins dragging Saracen to practice

“I don’t want you to become at an at-risk youth” -Landry teasing Saracen while also sincerely caring about him is some of the best friendship banter on this show. The accuracy 😂

-It seems like Julie gets a lot of hate? But I think I have such a soft spot for Julie bc I was a bitchy teenager with undiagnosed mental health disorders and I just wish so much #growth for her! Also I really do miss her and Saracen’s relationship, I’m so excited I’m almost at S3 where it seems like it’s happening again?

-LOL this guy at the dmv is the first person in Dillon to be like, “no I hate football.” That tracks.

-wow Saracen is getting driven to the hospital to make sure his grandma is okay by the sex worker who was just giving him a lap dance. Amazing.

-also I hope grandma is okay!

-okay Tyra throwing her hat in the ring for Landry at the last minute? Idk I think Jean deserves the win but there’s no way it’ll happen bc she’s a guest actor?!

-awww Saracen’s abandonment issues coming out whiles he in the tub after being sobered up by Eric Taylor. “There’s nothing wrong with you.” 😭 and “your daughter left me for a better guy” - will take that crumb — first mention of Julie out of Saracen’s mouth in a minute

-hey, Landry, my friend: flirting with a girl (Jean) to get her outside then dumping her immediately is kind of a wild bait and switch. But I get it, he’s been in love with Tyra for a long time and Tyra IS right — they had a very fucked up start to their relationship so it makes sense she needed a minute to process her ~feelings~. however I definitely identified closer to a jean in my high school experience L O L (minus the unacceptable white dreads)

-these Julie and Tami driving scenes are painfully accurate, btw. Love them.

-wow the scene of Smash hyping everyone up, the adrenaline/energy of the team cheering with helmets and a classic “clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose” - then the whole team running out onto the field and leaving an empty locker room with just Smash breaking down into tears....#art

-alright y’all I’m gearing up for the last episode of S2! Thanks to @lockitin for reminding me this is the writers’ strike season — I was in eighth grade then and remember being pissedddd about the shortened fourth season of “the office” — so I’m fully prepared for the abruptness to come.

-I love when they parallel showing the white church and the black church

-and Tim going to church just to see Lyla makes me laugh

-ooooof Jason you cannot put on this waitress you had a one night stand with the fact that this could be your only chance to have a baby!!! Omg this poor woman who just pointed out she, too, is NINETEEN.

-wait so is Riggins doing a sports show on a Christian radio station? What?

“I think you’re really hot. Your long hair reminds me of Jesus” -Christian girls being horny for Riggins LOL

-awww Saracen being like “okay Landry you’re gonna impress Tyra right now” before that football play was a cute friendship moment for those two

-aww I love how this Smash storyline is turning out with Coach Deeks whose had his eye on him for six years my heart 😭

-also unclear to me whether Logan Huntzberger the Preacher is a fully grown adult dating a high school senior?? Biggest teen drama pet peeve once again! Stop this!

-Tami is my heroine for just leaving Eric at the restaurant fighting with her ex. “see you at home, honey!”

-I’m sorry, is Jason gonna like actually convince this girl to have a baby with her one night stand at 19??? Oh lol wait THAT ended up being the cliffhanger of the whole season? Fucking hilarious.

well I made it through season 2!!! Super psyched for Season 3, Jay has been hyping me up for it. See y’all next time! (I’ll try to post more for season 3 bc this accidentally got long af.)

[bnha-ra]

Alright so, Vigilante group AU because I can

Some themes won’t make sense unless you have read my XReader on Quotev. This group pair up is really odd and I love it.

Also, undercut to make everyone’s life better

Okay, so in this Au instead of (Name) living with the heroes, she ends up running away after her father is killed and mother is hospitalised

Everyone is both confused, frightened and heartbroken

Two years after is when (Name) starts her plan

It takes about a year for (Name) to acquire the things she needs, but once she does, she goes out searching for a team

First is someone who’s good at organising, someone who can profile both heroes and villains and would be good for keeping an eye on the situation. This turns out to be Midoriya and after about an hour of crying, shouting and just reuniting, she asks him to be the first on the team. It takes a lot of convincing because it’s Midoriya and being a hero is his main goal and he couldn’t become a vigilante as it would ruin his chances to become one and so (Name) leaves him alone to think over it

After a while he agrees, time for the next recruit 

Next is a person who can easily take control over a bad situation, who can at as negotiator, an interrogator and someone who she’s only seen a few times before; Shinso Hitoshi. She approaches him after his school day on the idea

He says yes before she can finish her sentence.

Kirishima Eijiro. People didn’t believe that his Quirk would get stronger than relative hardening and he started to believe that too but (Name) saw potential in him, she believed that a Quirk like his could be something great and offered him a place.

Then Kaminari Denki. Electrification a powerful but dangerous Quirk, however, his inability to keep control of his own power held him back, after all, how could you be a hero if you could potentially harm the innocent? Once again, (Name) offered another place

Sero Hanta. He could shoot tapes out of his elbows and well, people found it humorous that he would want to join the Hero Course at non-other than U.A, but (Name) could tell that he could use his Quirk effectively, for capture, for transport and there was another place offered

And last but not least, Monoma Neito. His copy Quirk was seen negatively to others, it was seen as inferior, he was a copycat and who wanted a copycat as a hero? Well, why be a hero when you could be a vigilante? And that was the last person to join the team

It’s an odd group, they could all say that with confidence and the first official meeting was awkward as fuck

Yet, the more they interacted, the better their bond seemed to become

They had to train first and that’s what really got them together, learning their strengths and weaknesses helped mould their team and it was great

They completely accepted Midoriya being Quirkless, I mean, being Quirkless didn’t define you and your skills

Midoriya stayed out of the field anyway, he was a profiler and dived into the technical work, he was the eyes in the sky (or the building from that hacked CCTV camera)

(Name) introduced them a base she had made and some of the items that they could use for future use

No one knew where they came from, all (Name) said was that they were from an anonymous donor (Don’t worry she didn’t steal it, it’s due to familial connections)

They started from the bottom and worked their way to deeper and more dangerous work

Their first mission was just working with purse snatchers, burglars, just small stuff until they could handle the more dangerous stuff, such as drug/weapon smugglers, human trafficking, dangerous gangs

They became popular to the media and an instant frustration to the heroes

They led their normal lives and their vigilante lives and no one expected a thing, I mean, come on, people like Midoriya, Shinso, Kirishima- any of them fighting evil and reducing crime at a faster rate than most heroes? Not really believable

They’re all so close as well, their hideout isn’t just a place to discuss plans and investigate, it’s their den, their hangout, they can visit each other there, they can play console there, they have dinner there and sometimes they’ll all just stay there for the night and talk about anything and everything

Midoriya helps Kirishima, Kaminari and Sero with their studying

Monoma can practice his Quirk training with all of them

Shinso has brought multiple kittens and cats to their humble abode

(Name) and Kaminari always have gaming competitions together

Everyone is now into crocs and socks because of Kirishima and it’s disgusting

Also, Sero does the shopping because all (Name) brings is sweets and junk food so he has to bring the nutrition into this home

It’s just so awesome, they’re one big happy family

They’re all so accepting of one another and can share everything with each other

I mean, they fight crime, have probably been nearly killed, why wouldn’t they be close?

Then the All Might incident happens and Midoriya’s offered the hero’s Quirk

He tells them of course, ‘cause come on, they’ll notice that their residential Quirkless boy has now got the power of a whole entire nation

Everyone’s so shook

“???? All Might can pass down his Quirk???????”

Wide eyes

Mouths dropped

Confused muttering

Kaminari short-circuited

It’s a humourful chaos

So they’re not quite sure what the next step is?

Midoriya’s gonna go U.A?

He’s gonna become a hero?

He’s gonna have a Quirk?

What???????

Then (Name) has a thought

“You could spy on the students of U.A and we’ll know what kind of future heroes we’ll be up against. The rest of you can go with him”

WHAT???

“What about you?”

“You guys know I can’t be seen by other pros, it’s been eight years, they probably think I’m dead and it’ll just cause drama and conflict”

“Then what? What do we do after this, get our hero licenses?”

“Drop out, maybe disappear, idk”

????? Not very helpful, (Name)????

But that’s what they do, all of them minus (Name) attend the entrance exam and all of them get into U.A

To make it more believable, they divided themselves up a bit

Shinso dropped into General Studies with a ‘goal’ to make it into the Hero Course

Monoma made it into Class 1-B and creates a character with an inferiority complex and a hatred from Class 1-A

Kirishima, Kaminari, Sero and Midoriya all made it into 1-A

Midoriya distances himself from the other three but the three’s dynamic works well and they get to act like friends around one another

Midoriya can drop in now and again but only for a little bit because of Bakugo

It goes really well for them

They frequently report back to base with info about students, they talk about their day and gossip about their groups

“This girl called Hatsume passed out while standing up and I think I now understand why you guys want me to sleep more” “NOW YOU UNDERSTAND!?”

“I bumped into Midoriya while we were walking to class and instead of apologising I had to act like I did it on purpose and Kendo slapped me on the back of the neck again” “I saw that man and it looked like a hard slap, are you okay?” “It hurts to turn”

After the USJ incident, they all collectively decide to investigate into it and find out who could be the traitor

There have been a couple of incidents where the teachers have begun to suspect their little group of something, they just don’t know what

There is one thing the teachers can collectively agree on, these guys seem kinda familiar

And yeah, that’s all I got for now, but I’ll add more to it if people want more cause honestly I really like this idea? I dunno, whatever the audience wants, they shall receive

[blogaboutmusic]

all the playlists !

did this a while ago, but my spotify changed so much that i decided to do it again, and also because i have a lot of new followers! thank you & thank you if you follow my playlists! Be sure to check the list out bc i have a playlist for almost every genre & mood!

● ✧･ﾟ*✧･ﾟ* existential crisis:  everything i have that is sad ● 2019 ; letz getit: music i discovered so far in 2019 / music that is important to me in 2019 ● 20(18)GAYTEEN: every album that came out in 2018 (at least of artists i like) ● 20(19)BITEEN: every album that came out in 2019 (/artist i like :) ) ● 5sᴏs ; complete: i think the title says it all ● ａｌｉｅｎｓ: a mix full of alt. songs. dope. 10/10 recommend to aliens ● all of it ; alternative ?: stuff that is alt but not quite, pop punk but not quite, rock but not quite, etc! ● all of it ; emo music: EVERYTHING YOU NEED. EVERYTHING SAD. EVERYTHING ANGRY. EVERYTHING GUITAR. pop-punk punk-rock emo/rock indie/alternative ● all of it ; k-pop: all the k-pop music that I listen to, stuffed into one mix. ● ᴀʟʟ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ʟᴏᴡ ; ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇ: all of all time low’s music ● angry k-pop bops: a playlist that was inspired by district 9 of stray kids ● autumn, baby: perfect songs for fall! ● back to the future: idk some albums that i love listening to that go really well together ● bandito tour ; twenty one pilots: a playlist for an upcoming concert ● b͓̽a͓̽n͓̽g͓̽ ͓̽c͓̽h͓̽a͓̽n͓̽: a playlist for my bias of stray kids! ● ʙᴀɴɢᴛᴀɴɢ sᴏɴʏᴇᴏɴᴅᴀɴ ; ʙᴛs: all of bts’ music in one playlist ● best intro's, no argue: okay but really 505 is one of the best songs ever don’t fight me on that one ● bi bops: actually it doesnt matter if you’re gay, straight, pan or bi, these all work. just bops. ● b-sides, : songs i tend to forget about because i mostly listen to other songs on the albums... but they deserve the world so there you go ● 𝖇𝖎𝖙𝖊 𝖒𝖊: kinda angry, kinda alternative. ● bon voyage: i listened to this a lot when i went to paris and when i have to travel a lot. travel worthy. ● bop that Bussy ; emo version: FAV EMO JAMS AND BOPS AND BANGERS ● bring me the horizon ; complete : all of bmth’s music ● bts amsterdam 13.10.18: SETLIST ly tour amsterdam but also europe. i miss them a lot & wanna thank them for one of my best nights ever

● calm my anxious ass: what i need when i’m breaking down & alone again ● chanyeol (っ◔◡◔)っ: a playlist for my exo bias, mostly english sung songs though ● chilly billy doobop: so nice to have as background music or for when there’s a friend over. just ever so fckn CHILL ● classical // piano: classical music, mostly piano ● current mood: songs i’m probably listening to right now (lmao still) ● daniel james howell: a playlist for my fav youtuber!!! ● daydream: my playlist with music that makes me dream for a better version of me ● ᴅᴀʏ6 ; ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇ: every day6 song ever. stan talent stan day6 ● death / school mix: songs about dying & other relatable stuff for school, ha ha ● dizzy tummy: stuff i listen to strolling through the city or being in a specific trainride ● dope on a rope: no, this isn't a playlist for the growlers' song, it's old beats. ● emo & alternative: sum emo tunes! totally random *insert that one crazy emoji with the tongue out* ● energize this tired bub: upbeat tempo music that really energizes me ● energetic appleflap: playlist for a friend (that i have crush on) ● eɴᴛᴇʀᴛᴀɪɴᴍᴇɴᴛ ᴛᴏᴜʀ ᴡᴀᴛᴇʀᴘᴀʀᴋꜱ: music i  listened to before & after my waterparks concert + every waterparks song ever & the setlist ● ᴇxᴏ ; xᴏxᴏ: exo complete. please give us a ot9 comeback ● exploring: stuff i have yet to listen to ● fᴀʟʟ ᴏᴜᴛ ʙᴏʏ ; ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇ: all of FOB’s music. can you believe i’m still emo trash? ● frickity freck!: fresh alt-ish music ● fuck me up: a ReAlLy gOoD aLterNaTiVe / IndiE / eMo playlist? ● funky dunky business: the bass in these is mostly really mcflipping good ● geez, morty: playlist for fake friends ● ɢᴏᴛ7 ; ᴀʜɢᴀsᴇ: all of got7 their music ● ɢʀᴇᴇɴ ᴅᴀʏ ; ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇ: all of green day aka my fav band their music ! every.thing. ● grrr. : just metal and grunge. heavy shit ● guitars: really good guitars like guns ‘n roses & beatles and just guitars that i love??? ● guns  n' roses setlist: setlist g ‘n r Europe 2017 ● halsey: indie artist, all her music in a playlist ● happy vibes: music that makes me smile!! ● hoe anthems (k-pop ver.); k-pop bops that make me go wanna hoe the heck out ● homework // calm: music i listen to when i make homework ● hug me pls: acoustic songs i wanna listen to while cuddling ● i’m a mess: a good, short playlist i- lol- unironically made when i discovered Michael Clifford had a girlfriend lmao i hope theyre happy they deserve it ● i, an intellectual: a nerd: music from movies and series i really dig ● interactive introverts: music they played and i listened to before interactive introverts ● jae = bae: this one goes out to jae, guitarist and vocal legend in the band day6 ● jazzin' away: jazz, my friend. ● j-pop ; rock 'n soul: my favourite j-pop songs!! yes, that includes all one ok rock songs. ● journal writings: i attempt to keep up a journal. this gives me vibes. sometimes a bit more uptempo, but mostly a bit softer ● judith.eliza: for a friend ● jughead's tape: for jughead jones, of riverdale ● just guitars, nothing else.: just acoustic guitars of some of my fav songs, really good for while studying i think ● k-grooves: korean r&b and indie ● k-pop ; essential jams: my favourite k-pop songs, which are quite a lot! ● k-pop ; girls: all my girl groups’ music ● k-rock ; you make myday: all my favourite k-rock songs, yes that includes every day6 song because they are just that good sorry ● last young renegade tour: music i listened to before & after my all time low concert + the setlist ●  letters to you: songs that made me think of my crush. i think people can realate? ● let there be luf: some new alt, sum songs about love ● lilacskyjimin ; fav: playlist for a friend ● lone hours: in: feeling lonely? we do, too, dont worry. youre not alone. ● mama: stuff i grew up with / stuff my mother and i both like ● marina & the diamonds: apperantly she’s only called marina now? one of the best female singers i know, indie as f*ck ● ᴍᴇᴇᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ; 5sos:  playlist for the 5sos concert, setlist and the songs in between! ● micmicbudgee ; fav: playlist for a friend ● mom jeans, tired eyes: mostly 70s and 80s BOPS ● ᴍᴏɴsᴛᴀ x ; ᴍᴏɴʙᴇʙᴇ: all of monsta x’s music in a playlist ● muse ; complete: all of alt rock band muse their songs ● my chemical romance ; complete: emo rock band mcr all of their music ● my youngblood chronicals: alt rock songs. the reason why i’m still fighting ● nederlandse bodem: my favourite Dutch songs! ● ɴᴇᴏ ᴄᴜʟᴛᴜʀᴇ ᴛᴇᴄʜɴᴏʟᴏɢʏ ; ɴᴄᴛ: nct complete, in a playlist ● nienisneckdeep ; fav: playlist for a friend ● nights: songs i like to listen to before going to sleep ● noa.myg: fav: another playlist for a friend ● non-english bops: jewish, french, spanish, swedish, irish and celtic music like omnia (which is partly english but i think it fits here so tough luck) ● one ok rock ; complete: one ok rock is a japanese rock band that sings in english in their latest work ● ᴘᴀɴɪᴄ! ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅɪsᴄᴏ ; ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇ: all of panic! at the disco’s music in a playlist ● paramore ; complete: paramore was a punk rock band with a female singer, and now they make alt rock ● paris: a playlist for a city that i miss, a time that i miss ● ᴘᴇɴᴛᴀɢᴏɴ ; ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇ: aka all of k-pop group Pentagon their music in a playlist ● pizza punk: waterparks, neck deep, with con and music like that. perfect for skating eheh ● power vocals: beautiful voices ! voices that make me jealous ● problems with sleeping: lovely alt songs, some of them are about not being able to sleep ● queen discography: you know that movie, bohemian rhapsody..? ● rad activist shit: end gun violence. black lives matter. abortions should be legal, pedophiles and rapists should not be able to walk free. oh and love is love, get over it. angry songs, songs about revolution. ● rainbow: love songs, some sad (rain), some ever so happy (sun). together they make a rainbow ● red hot chili peppers: the red hot chili peppers are rock band and if you dont know them, look them up!! ● revolution radio 2017: music i listened to before & after my green day concert + the setlist ● rev up my spaceship, bois: modern hard rock in a playlist! ● sad boi o’clock: another sad playlist, you can never have enough of these ● sᴀʏ ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴀᴍᴇ ; sᴇᴠᴇɴᴛᴇᴇɴ: seventeens (k-pop) complete music discography ● skylinn ; khaleesiqoyi: first playlist i made for a friend: my best friend ● slytherin headgirl: this is what the people in slytherin listen to, i swear ● socrates would deffo stan: indie and alt, only for intellectuals (i’m just kidding) ● soft; rock™: soft (old) rock ● soft; k-pop: for if you wanna weep along with exo, bts,, etc ● soundtrack of my life 🌙: the basics to my music ● space jams 🚀: most songs are about wanting to run away, perfect for when you’re in space ● spoopy rave: i secretly listen to this through the year, idec ● starry skies, snazzy beats: mostly cute beats, perfect for studying or staring at the sky ● sᴛᴀʏ ; sᴛʀᴀʏ ᴋɪᴅs !: all of stray kids songs, go stan them already and please stay ● stranger things: songs that give me a stranger things vibe ● supernatural ; rock & grunge: stuff Dean Winchester would listen to, blue oyster cult, aerosmith, black sabbath, stuff like that ● tae tae: a playlist for v of bts, one of my biases ● the 1975: an alt band, latest work: an brief inquiry into online relationships ● the neighbourhood: very chill music. kinda rap, kinda alt ● these physically turn me on: really, really good songs, or nice vocals, idk how to explain ● tits out for harambe: the closest thing i have to pop music / rap i guess, with khai dreams, frank ocean, childish gambino, ari, troye, ya know ● tokyo: a playlist for dreaming about the feeling of a city ● travel back in time: 50s, 60s music, stuff i listen to with my grandpa but also alone cuz its fun ● twenty øne piløts ; complete: all of twenty one pilots their music ● underappreciated alt songs: alternative songs that i think deserve (even more) hype! ● waterparks ; complete: nice new pop punk band that deffo has a lot of talent! ● when the week ends: a mix for the weekend ● wubbalubbadubdub: old bops that make me forget about my sadness ● year in review: 2018: music i discovered in 2018 / music that was important to me in 2018 / songs that came out in 2018 ● yoongi: songs where you can sing yoongi really clearly and songs that make me think of him ● you’re making me feel miserable: songs i listened to after i confessed to my crush and he turned me down sksksksk

please reblog, it helps my blog a lot, tysm

[writesbatty]

days 14-29

complete with unedited content notes from the facebook group i’m in

29/30

i love to rewrite the classics

to make persephone send hades running

(keep that 'rewriting the story of persephone as a love story’ shit several hundred miles from me, thanks.)

to give echo back her voice

to let arachne weave her tapestries once more

rewrite pride and prejudice so lydia bennet does not marry a rapist

get jane eyre out of her aunt's home sooner rather than later

find ophelia a therapist

remind everyone that tragedy can still have a happy ending

  28/30 content warning: mentions/discussions of sex and consent. this is very vulnerable and im uncomfortable and DOING IT ANYWAY rip

.

.

.

i tell my boyfriend i think we should start scheduling sex

but that this is not some indication of failure in our relationship

i know he worries that my complicated relationship with sex is some reflection of how attractive i find him

(it doesn't help that the past few years seem to have taken my ease of flattery away from me

i don't know when it got so hard to tell the love of my life he looks good in tank tops

and black jeans like the ones he wore when i met him)

but it's not that

it's that i don't think about it, the same way i don't notice i am hungry till i'm starving, don't notice i'm thirsty till my head aches and spins, don't notice i am anxious until i am already in the middle of panic

it's that i was in a relationship where i never thought about the word no, it never occurred to me as an option, and now i end up consumed with pointless worry that i do not really want this

i try to talk to my therapist about these things, but i never really know what to say

how to explain my ex never set out to hurt me and half of it was my fault, but i am still feeling the aftershocks years later

without sounding like i am making excuses

(maybe i am, i don't know, i have always had a hard time with blame, with holding others accountable)

but at the same time i never want to imply what happened was more serious than it was

nothing like a genuine violation, nothing that should label me victim or survivor

nothing like what others have gritted their teeth and fought through

maybe some of it is the meds

it's hard to tell

how much is the meds and how much is the trauma and how much is just me

and why has it been six years and i still can't

-casually tell my boyfriend he has a nice ass

-sit in my boyfriend's lap

-fearlessly messily uninhibitedly make out with my boyfriend

because some paranoid corner of my mind is afraid to say 'no'

(nothing would happen if i said no, because everything would stop happening, it's not fear that makes me question, it's the idea of disappointing someone i love, and that's all on me, not on him)

my boyfriend is an angel with a nice ass

(seriously, i am not overstating this, he has a very nice, round butt)

and when i tell him

i think we should start scheduling sex

he kisses the top of my head

and talks about how bob and linda on bob's burgers schedule sex, and they have like, the best marriage on television, so clearly we're in good company

and pulls me over to the couch to feed me ice cream and scratch my back

  27/30 warning for like. harry potter/jkr 'discourse' or something i guess?

listen, we all should have known jk rowling was going down in flames the moment she made harry james potter a fucking MAGICAL COP at the end of the series

i have a list of problems with the deathly hallows epilogue that is longer than the actual epilogue and this is at least three of them

will somebody cut harry a fucking break?

why on earth would someone punish this abused, traumatized, exhausted person by giving them a career that will repeatedly remind them of every bad thing that has ever happened, which is most things that have happened to harry potter

harry potter should have been the defense against the dark arts instructor

harry potter has intimately seen both sides, every inch of light and dark

and he saw them as a child, he grew in them like a weed in brackish water, an in between neither fresh nor salt

(but he chose good, he always chose good, and it was always a choice, and it wasn't always easy)

let him teach other children to protect themselves

let him eat lunch with neville longbottom so they can discuss their students and make sure no teacher ever treats kids the way snape treated his students

the way snape treated harry and neville

let harry spend his weekends in hogsmeade with friends both old and new remembering only the light spots in the dark days of his schooling

let him know the joy of helping a struggling student

(this is how he will carry on remus lupin's legacy; that and the bar of honeyduke's finest chocolate in his desk)

let harry potter retire and spoil the ever loving shit out of all of his grandchildren

let harry potter put the past behind him

consider the fact that we don't all want to devote our lives

to fighting the demons we met in childhood

  26/30

nightmare at 20,000 feet is the most terrifying episode of the twilight zone

and what an apt title

what an apt metaphor

because what could ever be more nightmare then knowing the worst is just outside the window

but no one else can see it

25/30 this ends like super abruptly but idk how to end it Properly and i need sleep so. shrug emoji.

it's like a bad joke, this harmless word that never stops following me

you know those tasteless reddit posts about trigger warnings? how there's 'no way' someone could be traumatized by something so normal

so small

that's me. i am that joke.

a man at the aquarium calls his young daughter pumpkin and i–

i swallow a wave of nausea

i try to ignore the way my skin begins to crawl

and my heart speeds up

and i can hear the sound of his voice

it's like time travel

it's like a curse

just say 'pumpkin' and i fly back in time and it's like my body does not know that he is dead

that he hasn't called me pumpkin in nearly a decade

you would think it would be the mocking, the insults, that would ring like shots through my echo chamber brain

but

it's that fucking petname

it's 'i'm sorry, pumpkin' in his voice and the look in his eyes as he digs the hole in my chest just a little bit deeper with another fake apology

an apology all for him

when he came to my high school graduation there were rules

-he could not drink

-he could not apologize

-he could not call me pumpkin

24/30

it's funny

this disconnect between the me i know and the me other people know

at home i pace the floor, building up the courage to call for a cab

at work they tell me i am good with people, that i am no nonsense

at home, i twist my hair in my fingers as i struggle to tell my partner of nearly six years i need something to eat

at school they called me confident, self assured

i wonder where this other me is when i need them most

where is this confident and self assured version of me when something actually happens?

when someone is in trouble?

when someone gropes me in the street?

when someone needs them?

when i need them?

23/30

weirdly specific sections i wish i could find at the bookstore:

unconventional sci written by women and queer people

dystopian fiction that ends hopefully

non-ableist romance novels with disabled protagonists written by disabled people

young adult romance novels about lesbians and magic with happy endings

poetry for queer girls who really like artemisia gentileschi's art

collections of personal essays about hospital waiting rooms

college kids from dysfunctional families getting their shit together and falling in love

narratives about found families of misfits

young adult novels about queer romance and theatre kids

the exact novels you needed to read at 15 when you were scared and alone and will still make you cathartically sob while reading in a public park

(this last section is real except it's just the francesca lia block shelves in the young adult section)

how to guides on how to be a person when your body and the world you live in are crumbling to pieces rapidly

advice on how to make your best friends move out of state to be closer to you

novels where the protagonist goes through hell but they come out the other side and are still an essentially good and optimistic person despite their trauma because the world is a terrifying place and we need fiction and narrative to remind us of the potential for hope

22/30

edit: i just word vomit typed this directly into the comment box and it got weirdly long so Be Aware

elle woods is my personal hero

i'm blonde

'yes sarah'

i'm sure you're thinking

'i know, i have seen you'

but it's more than that, okay? i am blonde on the inside. my heart and soul are blonde. i talk to people and they say 'i can't imagine you not blonde' because the concept of me any other way is absurd

maybe because its the one thing everyone always loved about me. when i was a kid, everyone wanted to play with my hair. i had barbie hair, disney princess hair. long blonde waves like strands of gold.

i grew up telling blonde jokes, so everyone would know i was Smart and Cool. i got teased for being a nerd and a four eyes and for awhile everyone called me 'dictionary' because i knew how to spell zombie. smart was more important to me than cool, but i still told blonde jokes. the blonde swims ninety percent of the way to the other shore, gets tired, and swims all the way back, and god if that isn't a metaphor for my life. god if i haven't spent 25 years fighting not to be the blonde who turned back.

when i almost failed math in my freshman year of high school my father told me i should give up and become a playboy bunny because i didn't have a future. a childhood friend asks when i will grow out of the color pink.

i am a blonde the way i am pink. spiteful. elle woods walking malibu barbie through the halls of harvard. elle woods taking notes in pink sparkling pen. elle woods handing in her scented resume printed on pink paper.

elle woods saying

'what, like it's hard?'

i tape my thesis pages to the wall with glitter tape and pin my blonde hair back with a flower clip and i wear baby pink leather heels with bows on them.

'what, like it's hard?'

21/30

why do the aliens always want to kill us?

why do we always build a giant weapon?

why can't the aliens come to earth to help us?

why aren't scifi movies about healing?

20/30

ode to vestibular stimming

i do not like metal music

i'm sorry, it's just not my thing

but good god do i understand why people head bang

and why people mosh

when i was a kid i loved jumping on the trampoline, and the way it made my heart and brain jump and soar and bounce

now i can't jump on trampolines anymore but

i can listen to british pop music in my living room and laugh and feel that soar and jump and bounce as i swing my head from side to side and up and down and sometimes, for extra fun, twist my torso around a little

like i am so much energy and so little body but finally it has somewhere to go as my hair swishes against my face and an unstoppable grin spreads across my face and

don't you ever wanna just let go?

don't you ever wanna shake your head until the dizzy chases everything else away?

19/30

i like to talk to the creatures in the tanks when i do my aquarium rounds

the old man of an octopus in the floor tank i call gramps

my favorite sea star, a purple velcro star in the touch tanks, i call zippy

mostly i just call everything 'buddy'

'hey buddy, how ya doing today?' or 'come on buddy, scootch down from the top of the glass'

i apologize to the anemones when they close up because people have touched them too much

and i apologize to the jellies when it takes me more than one try to scoop them out so i can change their water

in middle school i noticed a rip on my baby doll's neck so i made her a neck brace from the sash of a build a bear robe and propped her up on pillows every night, so she wouldn't rip anymore

i am nearly 25 and i still feel guilty when my stuffed animals fall to the ground

i am nearly 25 and i keep multiple stuffed animals in the bed i share with my boyfriend of nearly six years

a common misconception of autism and other similar social disorders is that people on the spectrum do not experience empathy

and in some cases this is true

but an often ignored aspect of these disorders is that anything you could lack, you can also have too much of

hyper-empathy is when you are so receptive to others feelings they become your own

they become so much your own it causes you physical distress

and everything

everything

has feelings

i once got sad about throwing away a pair of pants because i had them for just... so long

i once cried on an apartment balcony because my neighbors i had never met, never even SEEN, were fighting

today i watched a young boy scare simon, a seagull who hangs out by the aquarium, by screaming at him

and it broke my heart a little even though i not especially fond of birds and am, in fact, kind of afraid of them

sometimes i sit and think about the things my dad experienced and my aching too big heart thinks

maybe it was okay

maybe the things he said were okay, because of what happened to him

my aching too big heart always forgets

things happened to my mother, too

things happened to me, too

and neither of us turned out like that

articles on the internet talk about hyper-empathy like a super power

call it 'being an empath'

to me it has always felt more like a bruise

like my aching too big heart just can't stop pumping blood to the tender surface of my skin

18/30

a very angry letter to a lady who came into the aquarium yesterday. less poem and more just 'complaining' but wow, i am still mad like 36 hrs later

for the love of god, lady

what is your fucking problem?

you are a grown adult. you have multiple children, some of whom are teenagers, and this is how you behave, in public, in front of your family?

are you incapable of basic human decency? did no one ever teach you manners?

yes, there is a disabled person and their caretaker in this aquarium, and yes the person is making noise. people make noise. you are in a fucking public place. children scream in here literally all the time. the seals scream. parents scream. sometimes the people who work here scream, because it is the only way you can hear us over the damn seals.

so why, lady, do you feel the need to make some rude ass comment about a person you don't even know, and look at me like

you expect me to play along

i wish i could say something to you but i am an employee and that is not polite but

if i was just a person i would tell you to shove it

but i wish i could have been a staff member AND told you to shove it

so i could have told you, hey, lady

this person helping you, telling you all this information about sea stars, is also fucking disabled

and your rude as hell eye roll and 'oh great, here we go' and 'really?' and loud scoffing is not appreciated

and frankly you can kiss my autistic ass and get the fuck out

17/30

capitalism is broken

and the reason i know this is because of jurassic park

not the franchise but the canon, the universe it exists in

every time i complain about the jurassic park universe

demanding to know why, for the love of GOD, do people keep opening these parks full of dangerous dinosaurs

someone always tells me 'the money, obviously'

as if capitalism was a reasonable excuse for making a super t-rex that eats people

as if money were an excuse for making yet another death trap

yet another super dinosaur that's going to –inevitably– escape and eat and/or traumatize someone

the idea that the people who built jurassic world looked at the events of jurassic park and thought

the money is worth it

we won't fuck up this time

is completely fucking baffling to me

i suppose maybe i am meant to see this as a heartwarming representation of the american refusal to fail

if at first you don't succeed, try try again, after all!

but i think about the news article i read last night

about how insurance companies worry curing diseases is not profitable

and i think about all the lives lost and therapy needed because everyone in jurassic world refused to learn from john hammond's mistakes

and i don't think any of this is saying americans refuse to fail

it's just saying we don't care how many times we kill people if there's good money to be made

16/30, inspired by how affectionate the characters on new girl are with each other

all through high school i did theatre, and i don't know if this is a universal theatre kid thing, or just something we all did

but we were all about physical contact

we were a bunch of misfit touch starved pets

piling seven teenagers on one sofa, every part of you touching somebody, every part of you warm

and i miss that

all that platonic but physical affection

i am a very affectionate person, and i find myself fighting to seem 'normal' in social situations

reminding myself not to wrap my arms around people, or rest a hand on someone's leg, or call casual friends babe, or offer people bites of food

this is how i lived all of high school

sitting in laps, holding hands in the halls, kisses hello, shared drinks and forks

i miss it

i don't understand our desire as a society to deem intimate touch romantic

why shouldn't i kiss my best friend on the cheek? why shouldn't friends hold hands?

we are social creatures, after all

we don't start out like this

we sleep in heaps at slumber parties, we play doctor, we play house, we do each other's hair

why does all that stop because we get old enough to want to kiss people?

doesn't that seem silly?

15/30 write more love poems about your friends guys. love your friends tell people you love them. i love telling people i love them. i love u. all of u. here's a poem about my best friend aka the greatest human on earth, the guildenstern to my rosencrantz

so i've known my best friend since 9th grade

except

except actually i met her in 3rd grade and didn't know it until 10th grade

and she wasn't my best friend until college

except

except she was, i think, maybe the whole time and we just didn't know it

on my fifteenth birthday she came with me to get my nose pierced and gave me a hand drawn birthday card that quoted my favorite green day song

once we spent six hours on skype drawing bad caricatures of celebrities

and when i left to grab a snack she yelled after me

"don't you go where i can't follow"

our senior year we read "rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead" for ap english and we started calling each other rosencrantz and guildenstern

and when she gave her senior project speech on william faulkner she cried, not because she was nervous, but because she loves faulkner and she got emotional

she is exactly 12 days older than me, and a taurus, and she plays a bunch of different instruments and one day we're going to start a folk punk band called the rebel amish

last summer we went to the deyoung together and laid in a shag covered bean bag chair watching the light show in the summer of love exhibit for like an hour

and we took a selfie in some giant gold antique mirror

and when i picture my future, she is as much a part of it as my boyfriend

this other love of my life, this girl with the bright eyes and the once broken nose and who is always willing to sit and talk about books

or the shitty people we went to high school with

or weird titles for potential memoirs

this amazing person, who is the only person i would trust to drive me through marin county while eating a mcdonalds cheeseburger

it is a different kind of love, sure

but it is a love story

and it is ours

14/30 which i wrote but forgot to post because i was playing video games

i wish my own mysteries were this easy to solve

just look for the spot that glows

and unearth what's hiding

no crying

no years of therapy

no buried memories

just point and click

[princegabriel]

Dear Rule 63 Writer

Welcome to the party, pal!

For this particular exchange, since I’ve been fortunate lately to have found and consumed media that mostly has gender dynamics I like, I’m mostly interested in seeing “the further adventures of character A and character B” except that one or both of them has a different gender. Doesn’t mean I don’t think anything would change about them, and I don’t mean to stifle your creativity, it’s just that there’s no specific Thing I want to see w/r/t gender. 

Here are some general things I really like:

Matter-of-fact declarations of love/friendship.

People being productive while pining–either acknowledging their feelings but realizing they still have important things to do, or straight up burying the feelings in work.

Women And Nonbinary People Getting Stuff Done

Fake dating

Black comedy

Silly comedy and bad puns

Conversely, people being very extra and having THE MOST feelings, in the style of 19th century romance

Stories where STUFF happens due mostly to people just being people

Places with secrets

Game narratives, as in, the MC(s) are playing some kind of immersive, fantastical, high-stakes game. See: The Game of Sunken Places, Doctor Who: The Ghost Monument. IDK how that would apply here, but they are neat and if you come up with a concept that you think would work, I bet it would be cool!

I know I didn’t put this in my sign-up, but here are some general DNWs:

Rape/dubcon/torture porn

Major character death

Tooth injuries

Misgendering

Characters’ defining characteristic being “in love with this person”

Unrequested non canonical ships

Diet talk

A/B/O dynamics

Any bodily waste products being used for sex

Unrequested AUs

Now for the specifics:

1. The Magnus Archives

Rating: G-M

Ships: F!Gerard Keay & Gertrude Robinson, Sasha James/F!Tim Stoker, F!Robert Montauk & Julia Montauk, F!Michael "Mike" Crew & Jude Perry, F!Adelard Dekker/Gertrude Robinson, F!Trevor Herbert & Julia Montauk

I love Gertrude Robinson very much. She’s a stone-cold badass and I love how straightforward she is when it comes to resolving some problems (just blow up the building where the ritual is, duh) and how sneaky her approach is to other problems (”why the tape recorders, you ask? well, I'm just an old-fashioned lady, haha!”). 

I’m a big fan of her mentorship with Gerry, and how she is explicitly not a mother figure. Like she has more experience and Gerry is a baby but they’re colleagues, really. I wouldn’t mind Gerry having some complicated feelings regarding Gertrude as a surrogate parental figure, though. I love Gerry being whip-smart and capable but still lacking in things that come from a healthy upbringing (you know, where one of your parents doesn’t murder the other and then recruit you into their spooky magic plots).

I’ve chosen to extrapolate from the bits and pieces we get that Gertrude and Adelard are the kind of close friends where even if they don’t speak for years they know where they stand with each other and can pick right back up. Of course, we also know that Gertrude didn’t let very many people get close to her, so there’s a pretty wide spectrum of possibility in there. In the case of a romantic relationship, I think Gertrude would not really want to talk about it while Adelard would. I also like how Adelard is characterized as terse and efficient in the “Distant Cousin” episode but more poetic in letters and statements to Gertrude. 

Sasha/Tim is just cute. I’d love to read more of their banter, maybe see them working closely together while researching a statement, or see what they’re like outside of work. I’d rather this be set during season 1 or earlier, or have an AU where Sasha doesn’t get got by the Not-Them. There are some lovely fics where Tim is trying to figure out how accurate his memories of Sasha really are, but they are very sad and I can’t read them all the time.

Oohoohoo, Julia Montauk. I love Julia Montauk. She goes from having a seemingly normal childhood to her mom disappearing, but that’s okay because her remaining parent takes good care of her, then that rug gets pulled out from under her, and everything is wrong. And she really tries to be normal, and then Trevor saves her and not only is normal not really an option any more, weird and horrible is so much more fulfilling. 

I’m not a big serial killer fan, but Robert Montauk is just trying to keep Julia safe in a world that is so much worse. How do you do that, how do you kill that many people, after losing your wife, and still come home to your kid and make sure she’s safe and happy and has no idea what you do when you say you’re going to work?

And then there’s Trevor Herbert—homeless, recovering from addiction, and risking incarceration and worse because there are things out there that people don’t understand that can and will kill them. Trevor Herbert, who saves and inadvertently adopts an adult to form a little monster-killer family.

Mike Crew and Jude Perry: I just really like the idea of their being buds and hanging out or comparing stories of tormenting innocent people. Or maybe they have a weird symbiotic relationship—how do the Desolation and the Vast relate to each other? Are they rivals? Or do they have their own (Leitner) book club?

In terms of changing names, the only one I’d feel super weird about keeping the same is Robert—could be shortened or turned into Roberta, whatever works.

2. The Penumbra Podcast

Ah yes, my one-stop gender shop. I love the way this show approaches gender and sexuality, that even if characters don’t spell out theirs (which I think only happens once, with Jet), we can usually assume they’re not both straight and cis. Also, despite the show being a noir/scifi story set hundreds of years in the future, it feels very realistic w/r/t identity and personal interactions. Fandom-specific DNW: coming out. One of my favorite things about Penumbra is that everyone just knows everyone else’s pronouns. It’s not that people can’t or don’t realize their gender identity or sexuality later in life—they do even in the show, it’s just that I like the way canon covers it so much that I’m all set.

Rating: G-M

Ships: Juno Steel & NB!Rita, Buddy Aurinko & F!Jet Sikuliaq, F!Peter Nureyev/F!Juno Steel

I love Juno’s and Rita’s friendship so much. Would love to see them working together, especially after the events of Soul of the People, when Juno finally, explicitly starts treating her better. I love seeing characters getting to exercise their competence, so Rita’s hacking combined with Juno’s detective skills: *chef’s kiss.* Are they solving a case? Are they working a heist? Is it a heist that turns into a case?? Alternately, maybe they’re just hanging out. Juno needs a better work/life balance, and Rita’s a lot better at that. 

Buddy and Jet are also very much friendship goals. I love how Jet has Buddy’s back no matter what, which definitely includes calling her out when she’s doing something destructive, and Buddy loves and appreciates Jet for that. They know each other and accept each other, but they also grow and change together. Meeting when they were both in a really unsteady place could have helped that. I’d love to see one of them comforting the other during a difficult time, or doing a job together either before or during season 3.

Peter/Juno: I mean. This is my jam. Maybe something set during season 1 that plays up the thief/detective dynamic? Maybe something set during season 3 when they’re trying to navigate their relationship in a healthy way when they’re both simultaneously terrified and also just want to make out already? Pairing specific DNW: please please please no Peter alone in the hotel room at the end of or just after Final Resting Place.

Rating E:

Peter/Juno: I mean. This is my jam. Everything above applies here. Smut likes: praise kink, frottage, masturbation, phone sex, teasing, edging, sex when the characters are def supposed to be doing something else, sex in public places where other people probably can’t actually see them but it *feels* risqué.

3. Wolf 359

Ship: F!Daniel Jacobi/F!Warren Kepler

GOOD SHIP. The trust. The loyalty. The King Lear quote when they meet! I love the rare occasion when Kepler lets Jacobi in. I love how they try to let each other know how they feel through actions rather than words. I’d love another time-out from the job like in Mission Mishaps: No Complaints, or a high-stakes situation where they have to defuse a bomb or blow something up, or something in between.

Thanks for writing for me! I hope you have fun with this!

[enthusiasticclouds-sally]

Mun Questionnaire!!!! 

PERSONAL DETAILS

Nicknames? Kiki, Ki, Little One, my co-workers mainly call me little one and it’s to the point where they legit have forgotten my actual name

Where do you live? Waterbury, Connecticuttt but I was born in Manhattan, NYC didn’t move to CT till I was ten

What’s your age? Freaking oldd: 25

Hair color? Right now it’s dark brown with like dirty blonde highlights, probably going to dye it all straight black pretty soon. I constantly change between the two tbh

Eye color? Dark Brown

Height? Jusssstttttt make it to exactly five feet

Date of Birth? August 23rd, 1992 :D

What’s your star sign? Virgo, legit on the day Virgo actually starts!! :DD

Element? Earth  

How many siblings? Two half-brothers: Carlos and Alexander from my dad’s side in where I’m the oldest and the only girl :DD and only child from my mom’s side

How many pets? Noneee, they legit all die on me so I do all animals a favor and just don’t get them as pets. They’d have a longer life without me xD

Obsessions? Skullssss, Disney, my hair because it drives me up the wall if it doesn’t look okay!! It’s bad I know, oh oh and SLEEPING!!! I adore sleeping it is my favorite hobby I can sleep my entire day away and be at bliss

Bad habits? Bite the nails, talk too fast, buying books that I never end up reading, buying clothes that still have their tags on it, procrastinationnnn, picky af eater, impatient. 

Phobias? MICE!!!!!!! I can’t even look at a mouse!!!! I promise you I will stay on top of whatever the freak I climbed on for the ENTIRE day if a mouse ran by I will NOT touch the ground. I will cry, scream, and enter a panic attack!!! No no no no no no no no!!!!

ABOUT YOU

What makes you happy? SLEEPING!!!! Skulls, Disney…. should really just direct you to the obsessions question… but also my laptop, my carrr!!!! Make-up!!! Hoodies, lots and lots of hoodies drown me in hoodiesss. Sunny days but also rainy days, Pokemon haha, my job on some dayss, MY BED, the dark, all of my hundreds of Disney pins, and gosh a lot of things make me happy tbh

What really irritates you? Headaches, being nauseas, stomach aches, snoring I really can’t deal with snoring and have no rational reason as to why… and this is awful but cuddling hahaha I’m just not a cuddling person… I kinda push you off after like a minute xD Residents I really can’t fucking stand our residents. I hate them. Oh!! Can’t forget waiting!! I’m impatient it’s bad, working on it though xD

What makes you sad? Tear-jerkers haha I hate those shits. Ummmmm I’m really not much of a sad person?? I mean I can add mice in here because they make me cry, but like they scare the shit outta me sooooo

What makes you angry? Drivers. Cranky rude-ass ungrateful patients!!! Like I don’t want to have to be dealing with that shit for twelve hours. Talking about patients, my job xD. I have a love/hate relationship with my job. People tbh haha xD I sound mean I swear I’m not!!! The cold, I really do not like being cold at all!! 

What makes you scared? MICE!!!!! I don’t even want to hear about them!! Any of my patients starting to crash even my babies. It’s really not a fun feeling!! Bugs, fuck bugs.

Who is your best friend? That would be Marie I have been friends with her since the end of fifth grade!!! She is also my complete opposite and is perfect at fucking annoying me, but I love herrrr. Sara is my bff tooo!! She’s my cousin though, but that’s my little buttercup and she’s like my sister, since I have none of those <3 

Ever broken a bone? Nope.

What was the last CD you bought? Oh damn an actual one??? Uhhh I think it was an Aventura one… their Last Project album I believe. They’re a Spanish band. Downloaded album was Pink’s new album I’m in LOVE with it.

What was the last book you read? The Only Astrology Book You’ll Ever Need by Joanna Martine Woolfolk

Who was the last person you spoke to? The mother

What was the last thing you ate? Soup :(( My stomach has been a little shit the past two days. I think I caught the stomach bug fml. 

What was the last thing you drank? Ginger ale because I can actually keep that down

What’s the best thing you’ve ever bought? Oh goshhh I buy SO MANY THINGGSSS!! Uhhhh MY CAR!!! She’s a beautiful 2016 Honda HR-V, I love her :DD My Kat Von D Shade and Light palette!!! I can’t live without that palette!!! Oh oh and my laptop!! She’s been a bit of a shit lately, but I do adore herrr.

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever bought? Ughh I tend to like everything I buyy

What’s the best thing you’ve ever been given? My Uggs!!! My mom got me them and I LOVE them

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever been given? I don’t think I haven’t liked anything that’s been given to me so far??

What are your future goals? Well it was to become a nurse and I ammmm so there it is and I’m even where I wanted to be :DD Maternity nurse with the babieesss :DD 

Describe your bedroom? A black bed. A big black dresser. Two closets…. I have a lot of clothes. Two mirrors, well three if you count my make-up mirror. I have a make-up dresser that’s black too with like a shit ton of make-up!!! Black curtains. White walls and the wall that my bed is attached too has pictures completely covering it in a checkerboard pattern. I’m pretty proud of it, it’s my favorite thing about my room! Oh and another wall has my car tax bill taped to it so that I remember that I have the next half of that shit to pay in January xD

Who do you consider the most beautiful woman in the world? I think Jessica Lowndes if GORGEOUSS

Who do you consider the most handsome man in the world? Ian Somerhalder is GORGEOUSSSS so is William Levy!!!!!!

Favorite thing to do on a hot summers day? Go to the pool, and lay out under the hot summer sunnn. I absolutely LOVE the heattt 

Favorite thing to do on a snowy winters day? Keep my ass in!!!! Curl under warm blankets and drink yummy hot chocolate

If you were granted 3 wishes, what would they be? Have all my bills/loans paid off for the rest of my liiiffeee, anything my mom would want, and idk probably a nice gorgeous house in the future

If you could go back in time to see or change something, when would it be and what would you do? I’d go back to my high school years and not date the douchebag of my ex

What’s the first thing you think about when you wake up? Can I go back to sleep for another hour?? haha

Do you believe in the after-life? I dooo

Where do you see yourself in 10 years time? I have no fucking cluee. I still see myself in the same profession though because I do love it deep down haha. Hopefully, though I’ll be out of CT and just somewhere different. 

What’s the funniest joke you’ve ever been told? I don’t really tell jokes I don’t think I’m funny at all :((

Any hidden talents? None that I’m aware of??? I mean I can sing?? Does that count??

Dream job? Currently doing it!!! Being a nurse :DD Even though I do have a love/hate relationship with it xD

Who is your hero? My mommmm

Describe yourself in 3 words: Introvert, sweet, sarcastic

FAVORITES

Favorite color? Blackkk I love pink too, but black way moree

Favorite number? 14

Favorite animal? Snow Tiger

Favorite sport (to play)? Umm I only ever cheer leaded soo cheerleading by default

Favorite sport (to watch)? Baseball and Football

Favorite Show(s)? Criminal Minds, Law & Order SVU, NCIS, Grey’s Anatomy and my guilty pleasure issss Keeping up with the Kardashians haha yes I hate myself for loving that show xD

Favorite movies? Titanic, Cinderella, Nightmare Before Christmas, The Corpse Bride, andd The Princess Bride 

Favorite band? Evanescence 

Favorite song? It’s constantly switching 

Favorite room in the house? My bedroom!!!!

Favorite food? Pizza!!!!! 

Favorite drink? Pepsi :DD Should I be drinking any kind of soda? Nope because I get kidney stones pretty often. Do I still drink my Pepsi like all the time?? YEASS

Favorite place? Disney World <3

Favorite cartoon character? That would be between Cinderella and Sally

Favorite day of the week? Monday and Thursday because I neverrrr work on those days!! 

Favorite day of the year? August 23rd!! :DD

Favorite season? Summerr

Favorite Holiday? Christmass 

Favorite girls name? Emily, Aria and I have to say I do love my name too!! Kiara is pretty 

Favorite boys name? Declan and Aiden

Favorite country? Italy

Favorite smell? OoOo I’m a very fruity person but cucumber melon is my absolute favorite!! 

Favorite sound? Rain falling, tapping of the keyboard, tapping of acrylic nails, a heart beat especially baby heart beats because they go really fast!!

Favorite accent? British

Favorite Ships (in or our of BDRP)? I love all the ships hereee!!!! I love all of my ships tooo ngl xD 

Favorite Fandoms? I don’t think I really have any???

PREFERENCES

Coke or Pepsi? Pepsi!

Pen or Pencil? Pen. I really don’t like pencils at all and won’t use one unless it’s a lead pencil 

Day or Night? Night all the way

Cat or Dog? Dog but I’m sadly very allergic to both :((

Summer or Winter? Summer!

T.V. or Radio? Radio

Brains or Beauty? Brains

Cup or Mug? Mug

Tea or Coffee? Coffeeee, but I’m not a huge fan or either tbh

Gold or Silver? Silver

Brush or Comb? Comb

City or Country? City

Early or Late riser? Late!!!! Look I get up at like 1pm the earliest. 

Blond or Brunette? Brunette

Scary or Romantic movies? Romantic haha Scary movies are too predictable to me I mean so are romantic but whateverr

Board or Computer games? Board gamess

Half full or Half empty? Half full

Happy and poor or Sad and rich? Happy and poor

Glasses or Contacts? Glasses

Flowers or Chocolates? Chocolate!! Please no flowers those die on me tooo

Love or Money? Love

Hugs or Kisses? Tbh hugss I love hugging!!! Just not cuddling though haha