#yes Gil is his dad

[incorrectprodigalsonquotes]

Dani: Come on, Gil. The math thing isn't the problem. Night shift's keeping you and Mrs Whitly apart. You two just need to bone.

Malcolm: [Gags]

Gil: [High-pitched] What'd you just say?

Malcolm: [Whispers to Dani] Don't say it again.

Dani: I said you two need to bone.

Gil: How... dare... you, De-tec-tive Powell... I am your... SUPERIOR OFFICER!

Gil:

Gil: [Defensive] What happens in my bedroom, Detective, is none of your business.

Gil:

Gil: [Calm] Don't ever... speak to me like that again.

[deer-with-a-stick]

The more time I spend explaining Tolkien lore to my brother the more I realize that Tolkien was just batshit insane

[chryzure-archive]

i need him.

[niennawept]

I want to combine my two favorite unhinged fan theory factories into one:

Gil-galad is Adar's son

Okay, now that I have your attention, let's go on a journey that starts with two things:

Thing the first: I really love people's unhinged theories that Adar is a canon character. I don't think he is; I think he's just some guy that Rings of Power made up but it amuses me to no end when people come up with convoluted theories to make him a guy from canon.

Thing the second: The Silmarillion fandom has a long-standing in-joke about who Gil-galad's father really is. Christopher Tolkien told us that it was Fingon in the Silmarillion and later regretted it, because there was so much confusion in his father's notes on the subject and so many different candidates. Cue all kinds of cracky theories of who Gil galad's gil-gal-dad is. I would like to submit mine.

How does this theory work?

Well it's quite simple actually. Adar and some elven thrall lady hit it off in Angband and have a kid together kinda by accident through weird Angband-based magic. That is a problem because now she's got this like elf-looking baby that has black blood and also Angband is no place for an elf-looking baby. This could get them both into extremely capital 'b' - Bad - trouble.

So, Adar takes that baby and he sneaks into an elven camp and he does that old movie trope where he leaves the baby on the doorstep and then makes a noise so that that people inside the house will hear it. Only this time, it's a war tent and the person inside is Fingon.

Fingon picks up this adorable baby and the baby kind of looks like him and he's like well - I could adopt this baby right? So he goes back to a fort with this baby and Fingolfin takes one look at his son and takes one look at that baby and says to himself "my very gay son did probably did not produce this baby. However, it is probably the only grandchild I will get from him and he is my heir." So welcome home, son and grandson.

Is there any evidence?

Exhibit A: The GIF set that started it all. Look at the similarities! Connect the dots! And thank you, @fukutomichi, for starting off this crazy unhinged theory.

Exhibit B: During Season 2, Episode 1 "Elven Kings Under the Sky", there is a moment where the camera lingers on Adar while Gil-galad is singing his song. Now they actually probably did that because they wanted to remind the audience that Adar was formerly an elf, but this is an unhinged theory, so we're going to ignore the obvious reason they did that and assume that they're trying to connect them for some reason. Yes, that's right. They're trying to tell us that Gil-galad is Adar's son.

Exhibit C: Their their armor matches. The gorget that Gil-galad is wearing in Season 1, Episode 5 "Partings" is a perfect match to the river pattern that Adar is wearing on his armor. Coincidence? Normally, I'd say yes, but in this unhinged theory, I think not.

Exhibit D: In one version of the story, Gil-galad is his mother-name. Is that because his father-name is not elven? Is it because it's potentially uruk in origin?! And don't come at me with that Ereinion nonsense."Scion of kings?"* Sounds like someone's trying to underline a point there, eh? Almost like they're worried people won't think he's kingly enough.

Exhibit E: Gil-galad, despite ample time and opportunity, never marries or produces an heir. Why? Because he knows. He knows that if he does, some one will be close enough to learn his deep, dark secret: he has black blood and his child might too.

Are there holes in this theory? Absolutely; all the evidence is circumstantial at best. Do I care? Nope. This is for the pure, unhinged fun of it. Anyhow, if you need me I'll be headcanoning this for the rest of the run of Rings of Power until they show me Gil-galad's blood, mmmkay?

Thank you to @hellofeanor, @fishing4stars, @baddybaddyadardaddy for spitballing with me.

[descendantofthesparrow]

Harry Hook x male!reader uhhhhh Captain Hook and Jack Sparrow have a rivalry so in relation their sons do too? 5+1 trope, enemies to lovers?

The five times I got punched in the mouth and the one time I got kissed.

This is in first POV because it felt right idk. Male! Sparrow! Reader.

=

It was safe to say Harry and I hated each other. Not sure why we did but we did…didn’t help that our fathers hated each other too.

Captain Jack Sparrow and Captain James Hook’s rivalry was almost as legendary as Uma and Mal’s rivalry, constant bickering, fighting, territory wars, the whole nine yards. And in relation, Harry and I weren’t exactly the best of friends either.

I think It all started when we were 4, dad, or Captain Jack Sparrow ~ as he’s known, were just-walking through the dock market area when we ran into Harry and his dad, honestly, I don’t remember what Dad and Hook started squabbling about but one minute I was standing by my dad and then next I was on the floor, bleeding from my mouth, a tooth on my tongue.

I looked up, jaw clenched to see Harry giving me a nasty grin, his fist at his side. Before either of our fathers could stop us, though I'm sure Hook wouldn’t have, I had launched myself at Harry and tackled him to the ground, whamming my small, not very pudgy, fists into his face-the boy screaming his head off as he threw his hands back at me.

Eventually, my father plucked me off of Harry and threatened Harry’s father to keep his son away from me, his gun drawn as he stalked away from the market with me under his arm, my face still facing Harry and I stuck my tongue out at the other boy while he glared back, both of our faces bloody and reddening with bruises.

That’s what started our personal rivalry.

After that, Harry and I hated each other-almost as much as Mal and Uma hated each other. There wasn’t a moment of calm between us, the moment we saw each other-swords were drawn and hands were thrown. More often than not, our friends would have to pull us off each other.

“Fuck you you fucking cunt boot-licking squid fucker!” I hissed at Harry while Gil dragged him back, Morgana Barbossa’s hand around my collar to keep me back while Harry glared back at me, his eyes gleaming red.

“Say that again ye monkey lover!” He snapped back, lunging at me though Gil was stronger and kept the boy back.

“Squid fucker!” I said with a snarl and pain exploded in my mouth again as Harry launched at me, his fist connecting with my mouth for the 2nd time. “FUCK!”

Morgana and Gil just sighed, letting Harry and I brawl it out on the wharf floor.

That happened when we were…11 I think. We were always at each other’s throats, smack talk, mean pranks, stealing each other’s stuff-all of it, it was constant, not a moment of peace between Harry and I. however, there were the constant brawls due to rivalry, and then there were the major fights, like turf wars or even when one of us said something that went too far.

We were 14 and I think I had said something about his mother, who had been a neverland mermaid, and I didn’t really say something…nice, but nice wasn’t in our vocabulary, but one moment I was sitting at one of the tables in the chip shop-the next I was on the floor, my mouth bloody and a tooth in my cheek, looking up at Harry-who looked downright ready to murder me.

“TALK ABOUT ME MOTHER LIKE THA’ AGAIN AND I’LL STRING YE GUTS FROM THE MAST!” Harry screamed, and for once I was speechless, I had never seen him that-upset before. He kicked me in the gut and then threw me and my crew out of the chip shop after that, I didn’t retaliate, landing with a grunt as I rolled off the stairs.

“Note to self don’t insult Harry’s mom,” Oliver Gibbs muttered as he rubbed the back of his head. my crew muttered in agreement, all getting up from the waterlogged docks and began to walk away from the chip shop, Gibbs turning back when he noticed I hadn’t followed yet. “captain!”

I hummed, removing my gaze from the chip shop and standing up, finding my hat and putting git back on, catching up with my crew.

Harry and I kept our distance after that, there was a new odd tension that I was almost scared to break, I don’t know why-but…I didn’t want to see Harry that upset again, I didn’t want to make him upset like that again.

At some point between then and our next interaction, Mal and her goons went to Auradon, and then they chose to be goodie goodies. We all expected them to stay away, to abandon us all on this godforsaken isle, but then-Ms. Blondie herself came crying back to the isle. I had been at the wharf when she arrived on her very obvious purple moped with her bleach blonde hair, I watched her walk off to her old hideout and instantly went to my crew to make a plan-we all knew her friends would be on the isle soon, and if we could get one of them, Mal would fold like a leaf to keep her friends safe-as we all knew she practically saw her friends as possessions rather than actual friends, and she was a possessive bitch.

Morgana was about to snatch Carlos when King Beasty himself came walking down the alleyway-which was an even sweeter deal-but low and behold-Harry and the wharf rats snatched him up first.

“Hey! We had this plan first,” I snapped at Harry as Gonzo and Jonas tied the king up, Harry just sneered at me. “Finders keepers Sparrow, get lost. Besides, if this goes right-we’ll all be free.” Harry snapped back and after a few minutes of a glaring match, I sighed, backing off.

“Point taken, don’t fuck this up for everyone Hook.” I said, Jack the monkey on Morgana’s shoulder screeching at Harry threateningly, the boy just rolled his eyes and went down the alleyway to threaten Evie and the boys. I rolled my eyes back and turned, Morgana huffing and following me back to the pearl.

-

Of course, things went to shit, Mal had apparently brought a fake wand, got Ben back, and escaped-Uma had escaped too but had left cotillion after Ben talked her down, even though Mal was making things worse trying to burn Uma.

Honestly, you’d think Mal would know water beats fire.

I headed down to the chip shop, pulling back the chain-link door. Ursula had closed the shop down as her only waitress had left the isle and was currently roaming the Auradon ocean, however over the last three days-there was a very loud commotion coming from the restaurant; swearing, things breaking, being thrown, screaming.

There was only one person it could be. I pushed open the wooden salon-style doors and saw Harry chucking a table across the room, cursing a mile a minute and breaking everything in his path.

I watched him rage for a few moments, before stepping further into the room. “Ursula won't be happy with this,” I commented, narrowly dodging a swing from his hook as he whirled around on me. His gaze was wild and unhinged, eyes gleaming red. He let out a strew of curses as he kept swinging, hook and fist flying at my face as I dodged and stepped back. I grunted as I tripped over a broken chair and fell back, Harry taking advantage of it and jumping on top of me, his hook clattering to the floor as his fists flew, in a mindless rage as he hit me again and again-the familiar pain exploding in my mouth as his fist hit my mouth for the 4th time in 13 years.

I just let him get his anger out on me, holding my arms in front of my face to guard myself slightly as Harry cursed me, and everything out. He cursed the isle, Ursula, Auradon, Ben, Mal, Evie, Jay, Carlos, me, himself, his father-anything that came to mind he cursed out. After a few minutes his swings became lighter, missing me and his body shook, his breathing ragged. I drew my arms down, my face bloody and starting to bruise as I looked up at him, seeing tears in his black-lined eyes, his jaw wobbling as he drew his fists up towards his face, like he was prepared to strike again.

“…better?” I asked finally, and Harry broke, blackened tears escaping his eyes as his body went limp and folded over on top of me, his arms wrapping around my neck as I wrapped my arms around his torso, squeezing tight.

“We were so close,” he hissed into my ear, not quite sobbing but too proud to do so, and I squeezed him tight, sighing; my face throbbing with pain but I ignored it. “we had it, we had the wand-she lied again-she lied again-she tricked us again.”

I knew he meant Mal.

I sighed, rubbing his back, letting him get his emotions out.

After a while Harry finally sat back up and looked at my face, wincing a bit, I just shrugged him off. “not like it ain’t the first time you’ve beat me up,” I said, standing up and holding out my hand to him. he sighed and took my hand, standing up.

 “What are ye doin here anyway?” Harry grumbled, looking around the chip shop that was now torn to shreds thanks to Harry’s rage/meltdown. He winced at the sight, shook his hands, and began to pick up. I helped.

“Wanted to check on you,” I said quietly and Harry furrowed his brows at me, clearly curious on why I would do that if we hated each other. “I know what it’s like to lose family, Harry.” Harry stared at me for a very long moment, then looked away, and we continued to clean up the mess of chairs and tables in silence.

 -

“thought you and Hook hated each other?” Morgana asked as we walked away from the chip shop after coming to an agreement with Harry to combine our crews to keep control of the wharf.

“We’ve…come to see eye to eye,” I said cryptically and Morgana hummed, flipping a gold coin between her fingers, her eyes straight ahead. “Sure sure,” She muttered and I bapped the back of her head, smirking as her hat fell and she punched me in the shoulder for making it fall.

-

“VK day eh?” I muttered as I looked at the posters that had sprouted across the isle over the last few months, along with a shelter that Carlos had founded, and several ‘safe’ streets named after the other traitors. A horde of younger isle kids ran past me and one shoved a ‘vk day application into my chest and I huffed, grabbing it before it fell and taking a look.

…such propaganda bullshit.

I continued my route to the chip shop, shoving open the saloon-style doors and putting my sword in the check, making my way to the main table where the wharf rats and my crew were all sat, half of them helping keep the chip shop running in Uma’s absence as it was the pirate's main place of meeting, other than the ships.

“What ye got there?” I heard over my shoulder as I walked up to the table, feeling Harry’s chin rest on my shoulder to look at the paper, snorting as I heard the disgust grow in his voice. “Ew-vk day? Those traitors really expect any respectable villain kid ta want ta go to Auradon?” Harry sneered, taking the paper from me and examining it closer with a stink eye.

“I think any respectable vk just wants off this rock, no matter how they have to do it.” I reasoned and Harry rolled his eyes, crumbling up the paper and throwing it at my head. I snorted as it bounced off my tri-corn hat and tumbled to the table, Bonnie grabbing it with a spark in her eye.

“A few of us should apply though, if we can get out, we can look for Uma,” Bonnie said and I hummed, tilting my head. that wasn’t a bad plan.

“One problem though, the dragon bitch and her goons would never choose us,” Harry snarked, sitting on the table next to where I was leaning against it. “it’s still not a bad plan, besides, Evie might; she’s the most… open-minded of those four,” I said and Harry tapped his fist against my mouth to make me shut up and I snapped at his fingers, leading him to flick his fingers against my nose.

“Aye aye, maybe we could sneak through tha’ barrier when those traitors come ta visit.” Harry plotted under his breath and I sighed, stealing a fry from Morgana while she was distracted by Jack who was trying to steal one of her rings.

-

In a flash of blue/purple light, Audrey was defeated and all her curses reversed. Harry let out a shaky breath and turned, watching as the stone figure of (y/n) Sparrow cracked and softened.

I took a heaving breath, my arms dropping to my sides as I took a moment to regain my balance. Audrey had turned me to stone while Harry, Uma, and I had been trying to help Mal defeat her before it was too late. “damn, that sucked.” I groaned, looking up as I heard rapid footsteps race towards me, Harry dropping his hook to the ground and I yelped as he jumped at me, his arms flinging around my neck. I didn’t even have a chance to speak before his lips were on mine as I fell back to the ground, landing with a thump as Harry kissed me passionately.

After my moment of shock, I kissed him back, wrapping my arms around his waist.

“What the fuck happened while I was gone?!” I heard Uma ask, she had been shocked to see Harry and I getting along in general, seeing us kiss had thrown her through a whole new loop.

I didn’t care, I just kept kissing the pirate who had stolen my heart over the last two years.

-end-

Not my best work I think but hey…Its written…yay~

@random-thoughts-004 @sephiralorange

there was a whole harry hook x r taglist but iiii dont feel like doing all that, so...

[noellawrites]

Hi there! How would the yandere svu guys propose?

oooh i love this! bold of you to think they might actually "propose" naturally LOL. this is just my take but feel free to pitch in with what you think!

Rafael Barba is going to be very strategic with his proposal. He's not taking no for an answer, but he also doesn't want to be humiliated with a rejection. He makes his mama and grandma spend a day with you, and then meets you three at a ritzy NYC restaurant for dinner. He's not getting down on one knee, he's too old for that. Instead, he puts his hand on yours and opens the ring box. It's insanely ornate and expensive, but you'd expect nothing less from Rafael Barba. You look up and see his soft smile. With his mama and grandma there, of course you say yes.

Nick Amaro is gonna get one of those rings that has thorns and legit hurts to remove (like Megan Fox's— google it). He's gonna put it on your ring finger when you're sleeping and give you a big smile when he sees your confusion. Of course he's not giving you a choice, he's "the man" of the relationship. He gets off on this dynamic. You're now going to take care of Gil and Zara, and take care of the home while Nick's working. He's had too many failed relationships, he's not gonna risk things this time.

Mike Dodds has some cutesy romantic thing planned, probably something like a walk by the Hudson. He doesn't plan for a rejection, but if you do reject him, he's gonna give you that brokenhearted puppy expression and you'll reverse your words quickly. His dad is really proud and helped him pick out the flashiest engagement ring. Of course, this is only after Dodds Sr. has fully vetted you. I mean, where else do you think Mike learned these yandere traits from?

Sonny Carisi makes his proposal soooo romantic. He's asked all of his sisters for help, not wanting to risk you saying no. He’ll pick a public place so you’ll feel obligated to say yes and be excited as he declares his undying love for you. The night you get engaged, you bet he’s gonna try for multiple rounds to knock you up. Now there’s a ring on your finger and he has the power in the relationship, so you can’t disagree.

[clavissionary-position]

Ikeprinces As Ranked By Gilbert

**Best enjoyed after reading Gil’s route. There are also spoilers of varying degrees from some sequel routes (Chev, Licht).

1. LUKE

Luke: I’m surprised I got the top spot. Don’t you and Chevvie go way back? Gilbert: That’s true, but you’re my adorable little kid brother. I’ve carried you on my back. You’ve carried me on your back. Good times. Luke: Aw, Dad… (bear-hugs Gil) Gilbert: (pouts as he struggles to breathe) Did you even… hear a word of what I said… Luke: I heard ‘kid’. That makes ya my dad, right?

2. CHEVALIER

Gilbert: So? What do you think? Chevalier: (ignores him and continues doing paperwork) Gilbert: (high-pitched voice) “Please, oh please, Gil! Please trample my country to the ground, rebuild it in your image and then run it for me!” Something like that, right? Gilbert: (dodges pebble) Ahh, sorry, sorry. It would probably be more like “Please, oh please, Eyepatch!" Gilbert: (dodges another pebble) What is going on here? Do you roll around in the garden before coming to work every day?

3. CLAVIS

Clavis: (stiff smile) I baked you one of my most sought-after creations as thanks. I’d be honored if you’d try it, Lord Gilbert. Gilbert: Hmm, it looks as unappetizing as I expected but smells delicious. Oh, and... (sniffs) ...you even infused it with my favorite poison! Clavis: Hahaha! Well, I didn’t want you to get the idea that I’d learned nothing about you during all our years working together. Gilbert: Of course, of course. Would you like to share this with me Clavis: (stiff smile) No, no, no. It’s best enjoyed alone. Please, I insist.

4. RIO

Rio: If you’re trying to use me to get to my mistress, then I’ll— Gilbert: You misunderstand me. (Sets down two plates of pain perdu and places his hand on Rio’s) I really do commiserate with you, you know. It’s not easy seeing the one you love go off to be with another man. And yet you gladly sacrifice your own happiness. As though it were someone else's joy to give away. Rio: It is. My joy belongs to my mistress. Gilbert: Hmph? Let's see. Pain perdu means ‘lost bread’, right? Poor, poor abandoned little toast, molding under the table. Gilbert: Oh, by the way. I asked the little rabbit if I could bring these to you on her behalf. (Proceeds to eat all the pain perdu himself) Rio: (smiles brightly) So I’ve heard you love exercising!

5. SILVIO

Silvio: (kicks down the door) Where's the list? Gilbert: (innocently sips tea) So you can tear it up? Did you think I didn't make copies to send to every one of your little merchant friends? Silvio: My real friends know what's up. Gilbert: What a hurtful thing to say. I’m just honoring our friendship. And buttering you up for future manipulation. Silvio: Tch. I don’t know what game you’re playing— Gilbert: Human chess. Silvio: —but I’ll buy up every damn piece before you can get your filthy little mitts on 'em. Gilbert: Hehe, splendid. (Sits back with a smile) What’s more fun than controlling someone who controls everything else?

6. KEITH

Keith: Picked me over the other guy, did ya? Gilbert: Oh, he’s on the list too, of course. But I can’t stand how much of a do-gooder he is. And besides, you’re much more fun to play with. Keith: That right? I’m usually the one doing the teasing around here, though. Gilbert: (looks around dramatically) Around here? Where only a handful of people even know you exist? Tell me, if a tree falls and no one’s there to hear it, does it make a sound? Keith: >:0

7. KEITH

Keith: (hangs head) So you know… about him… Gilbert: Ahaha, there's no need to look so down! You haven’t done anything wrong, have you? It’s all him, right? If only he’d just disappear and stop taunting you from Spot #6. Keith: N-No! I don’t want that! I don’t… think I want that… Keith: Yes, I’m sure of it. He and I can share our friends. Gilbert: (stops smiling) Sharing only works if you can fully trust the other person to not take advantage of your kindness. You may think you can do that now, but people change. Circumstances change. The galette must one day burn. Keith: :’(

8. JIN

Jin: (thoroughly unamused) How kind of you. Gilbert: Isn’t it? But you should know that I’ve got nothing against you personally. Whatever enmity there is between us stems primarily from you. If you weren’t royalty, we might have even co-brothered Luke together. Jin: (throws up in his mouth) I don’t see how that has anything to do with this. And you’re the most detested royal figurehead on the continent. Gilbert: (shrugs) I’d say I’m sorry you can’t see past that, but I’d be lying if I claimed there was anything there to be seen in the first place. Thanks for the lollypop. Jin: What? HEY—

9. SARIEL

Sariel: (stops as soon as he enters his office) What are these vermin doing here? Gilbert: (sitting in Sariel’s chair) Just a little gift I brought so I could congratulate you for making it onto my list. Would you like to do the honors? Sariel: (plucks him up by the fur) Am I to understand you’re giving me a chance to correct my oversight before you take things into your own hands? Gilbert: (brushes himself off) I expect you to do most if not all of the work since my hands are tied while I’m a visiting guest here. But I’m happy to take them under my wing if you can’t even do that much. Sariel: “Kill them, or be forced to kill them,’ is it? (glances at the tied-up assassins) I wonder which one of us they would consider a fate worse than death.

10. LEON

Leon: (glares) I take it you only stuck me on here out of diplomatic courtesy. Gilbert: Haha, maybe. But there’s something about you that’s always reminded me of someone I know. Leon: Whoever it is, I feel bad for the guy. Gilbert: (bittersweet smile) You might be right. Maybe I need to do better by him…

11. LICHT

Licht: Do I know you? Gilbert: I was wondering the same thing, to be honest. But I’ve seen you around the palace enough times that I figured I might as well throw you on here. Gilbert: Nice eyes by the way, hehe. Licht: Oh no you don’t. My only family is Nokto.

12. NOKTO

Gilbert: Oh. There are two of you. Must be nice having an identical twin. (Resting his chin in his hand) Do you two switch places a lot? Nokto: You never noticed before today? Never received a report from one of your spies about it? Gilbert: Oh no, what sort of boring activities do you think I have my spies do all day? Nokto: Well, for starters, you sure seem to have paranormal insight into the contents of our kitchen at any given moment. Gilbert: So you'd rather I left all the carrots where they are? Nokto: ...

...

.......

................

Yves: Prince Gilbert!

Gilbert: (stops but doesn’t turn around)

Yves: I saw your list, and I couldn’t help but notice—

Gilbert: No, I believe you noticed everything you were meant to.

Gilbert: (leaves to go find the little rabbit to fix his bad mood)

[panthera-tigris-venenata]

Any headcanons for Harry and Uma's kids?

Might be more about Harry and Uma as parents, but anyway:

The kids are spoiled. Not by their parents – much – but by their pirate crew. Uma would like it to stop.

It will not stop. Cos, c'mon. This is Uma's kid. The pirates adore the kid.

The Lost Revenge crew also collectivelly answers to Auntie/Uncle, though Uncle Gil has special privileges.

Gil is also one of the few people allowed to babysit.

He takes the kids on carefully prepared "treasure hunts" to bring "treasure" for mom and dad. It's incredibly fun and if he's not sure the difficulty level is okay for kids, he check with someone else. Jane's been pulled into preparing the adventures few times.

Out of people actually realated to Uma and Harry, only Harriet is actually allowed to babysit. She's knows how to keep children alive and her younger siblings are the proof. (...helps a lot that Anthony is there to regulate the more dangerous activities.)

Only when the kids are old enough, they can hang out with Auntie CJ alone. (They're the ones sublty supervising she doesn't commit burglary and/or hight treason on camera, not vice versa.)

Somehow, James Hook and Alala manage to cancel out eachother's vices to be at least reasobably safe to be around. They do keep telling the kids that "murder is okay if they're annoing enough" tho.

Ursula doesn't like kids all that much and Uma likes her mother even less.

Oh, there is a considerable overlap between "daddy's bedtime stories" and "mommy's family drama". Let me tell you, the kids are confused.

Uma and Harry remain very uncensored around the kids in general. They're pirates, they'll tough it out. Result is about like this:

Bal baby: "Are you having a little sibling too?"

Huma baby: "Yes."

Bal baby: "you see, the stork arrived and droped a diamond under a cabbage leaf and that diamond turned into a baby! Now I'm having a little sibling!"

Huma baby: "...my parents had sex."

You see, Mal is slightly overcompemsating (again) and Ben is avoiding The Talk like the plague; Evie and Jay are having way too much fun to stop it. (Carlos would rather die than explain sex to a child that can repeat his words to its mother, that is, Mal).

I'd also like to state that sex ed among the pirate crews consists largely of Bonny (the medic) throwing a scavenged "safe sex" leaflet at peoples heads and screeching "I'm not paid enough to be a fucking midwife!"

[fukutomichi]

It’s review ramble rant tiiiiime! Decided to go on and post about my thoughts as the iron is still hot and my braincells are still firing. Lots of spoilers are gonna be in there and it’s looong as hell so you’ve been warned! Grab a cup of coffee or tea. Here we go!

Okay, the general feel about Season 2 is that it is slightly better than Season 1 for sure, better at some parts, but has shortcomings on others, BUT STILL, we got what we got and I think it was overall positive.

The first 3 episodes being aired was a direct response from the previous backlash that they had about Season 1 starting slow. And yes, those first 2 episodes were shaaaky as hell, but they found their feet in Episode 4 and then the series picked up with full steam ahead. This time to avoid this, they wanted to get the set up out of the way as soon as possible and then release at a weekly schedule. Was it a smart idea? It would have been. If the series was longer than 8 episodes? 

This latest trend of overblown streaming series with such small number of episodes, between A HUGE waiting period for each season, needs to stop. I get that the RoP crew would need more time, schedules with other actors, filming locations, building locations, writing, filming huge battle sequences, CGI. But I feel everyone is still chasing The Game of Thrones type of hype, and the studios need to realize that it ain’t happening anymore, not for a while. Just focus on making good stories with interesting complex characters and the viewers will come. Stop trying to make series be movies. I caught one of the directors in one of the BTS clips for Episode 7 saying “We’re not making series, we’re making movies” AND THAT’S THE BIGGEST PROBLEM. STOP DOING THAT. 

I would sacrifice all the big budget CGI sequences and wide beautiful shots for just a minute of conversation between Gil-galad and Cirdan. I don’t want “the Balrog shot that was 5 years in the minds of the showrunners”, I wanted people to see why Gil-galad respects Cirdan so much, instead of my non-reading Silmarillion friends asking me what’s his deal with him, and me having to explain that Cirdan is as close to a family member to the high king, that’s his adoptive dad. The series is very non-reading Silm friendly, but they somehow fail to explain some of the crucial relationships between characters. I KNOW there’s next season maybe they’ll expand on it, but some things like that need to be established IMMEDIATELY.

But with 8 episodes, what can you really focus on to adapt and show on the screen? This is why, AGAIN, stop making movies, we want a series. The biggest strength that a series has is CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AND PACING. A series will always have the upper hand in that, and they are still trying to make a movie, cut in 8 parts. Please, arrange the pace for 10 episodes, so it doesn’t feel like one episode is laid back, and then the next one is rushing to the finish line. MAKE A SERIES, NOT MOVIES.

The thing that made Game of Thrones great those 4 first seasons was not the big battles or the CGI dragons. It was people talking in rooms. Their history and relationship with each other. Actors giving their A++ game with dialog which was moving the story. THAT made Game of Thrones worth the hype.

Learning about the fact that they have a change in the writers room can either be a good thing, with some storylines now being over and concluded so they might be preparing to change gears for Season 3, or with my mind going always in work corporate mode, writers not being payed as they should for their work so why stay…

The series did get a brush with the writer’s strike, which I will always support. YOU CAN’T HAVE A STORY WITHOUT GOOD WRITING! PAY YOUR WRITERS!! 

I think Episode 8 is where I felt some stuff were cut off and rushed, probably during the strike, that were set up in Episode 7, didn't land well. But I’ll get to that.

I started this in rant mode, but had to get it out of the way cause it bothered me the most. The series has SO much potential and it sometimes pains me to see fail on the most basic stuff. 

Okay, moving on with the juicy stuff now!

This season was The Charlies™ season, hands down. Absolute rollercoaster with Celebrimbor and Annatar/Sauron playing off each other on the screen. From the moment Sauron enters Eregion, to the final shot of him stealing Fëanor’s hammer. The showrunners were fully concentrated to that side of the story and, holy hell did they outdo themselves there. Charles Edwards as Celebrimbor needs to get some push for awards, or somehow ship one to him. I remember being a little a skeptic at first about his portrayal, since we got so little of him is Season 1, but as you rewatch it, you can see the foundations being set for his character. Season 2 is where he’s fully unleashed and, he is truly THE Celebrimbor. A sweet, sensitive soul that just strives to get out of his family’s shadow, by creating something unique that would be his legacy. A perfect victim for Sauron that finds his connection with Celebrimbor through that. I loved the fact that they filmed their scenes in order of the episodes and it shows the slow descent of both of their characters, helplessness and paranoia for Celebrimbor and Sauron barely managing his uncanny elf mask while trying to withhold annoyance and rage. Masterful acting by both. The last scene with them was MUCH more impactful than if we would have gotten the banner scene in the book. They started their pact alone in the forge, and they ended their manipulative partnership, alone in that same forge. With Celebrimbor getting the upper hand in death. Sauron AGAIN getting a knife straight into the heart, but with words instead of a pointy crown. Only this time, he won’t be able to get pay back for the insult. Because Celebrimbor in death, went where Sauron CAN NEVER go. The slow realization that he’s always gonna be a prisoner in his own cycle of violence. He has many names…And the cycle begins again.

Bless you Charles Edwards, thank you for being our Celebrimbor.

Charlie, be seeing ya next season you giggly perfect casting of Sauron’s messy character person you!

I was most excited to see were the elvish side of the story is gonna go after the end of Season 1, with the making of the three rings. And I think they did well! Robert Aramayo, I once again put myself on blast for ever doubting you as Elrond. My hubris must follow me till the end of this series. You have a shitty old phone, don’t know what a Brat Edit is and will never read this, but the universe will know of my foolishness. 

Elrond's feud with Galadriel HURT to watch. Those are two besties that want their best for each other and will protect each other no matter what. The rift that was going on between them and mending it in the last episode was so sweet, kudos to Morfydd as well for always bringing her A++ acting game. FINALLY we have a bit more of Gil-galad this season and IS STILL not enough. I ranted before about not a single blip of a Gil-Cirdan convo happening, but getting FREAKING BEN DANIELS for just a few scenes IS CRIMINAL!!! Also, still sad about that beard of his, he was already perfect damn iiiit.

I’m glad that we had this push and pull with the elvish rings, are they good are they bad, they are a new invention and the elves have no idea how to deal with them at first. Gil-galad and Galadriel’s visions were a nice representation of that. What are their power levels, what are they truly capable off. What I like to believe though, is that while Sauron had his hands on crafting the seven and the nine…guess who’s hands last touched the mithril that made the three. It was Elrond. With all his hopes and need to help his kind survive when he threw that nugget into the melting pot in the last episode in Season 1. And guess who wears those rings now? His closest family and the people he cares the most. When he finally decides to give Nenya a chance, we get to see the result of all his hopes and desire to protect those he loves the most in the last scene of this season. Rivendell. ELROND’S KINDNESS is the reason the elvish rings remain untouched by Sauron’s evil.

Galadriel vs Sauron. Oh! OH! I can only imagine Lúthien smiling and pointing at Galadriel, Sparta kicking him over the boulder. “That’s my girl! THAT’S MY GIRL! Wipe the floor with that bozo!!” If I’m being honest, spoiling myself with Bear Mccreary’s Season 2 soundtrack, listening to the track “The Last Temptation” gave soooo many vibes that something might happen to Galadriel that will leave me SHOOK, aka taking Sauron’s offer and Elrond being there to witness it, but Bear tricked meeee!!! She just fell through a tree! The clash was *chef’s kiss* though, Sauron constantly shapeshifting trying to mess with Galadriel’s feelings and even pulling the Halbrand puppy eyes card. But she wasn’t having it. Sauron gets denied, AGAIN.

Alexa, play Drive by The Cars for one dark lord. And conjure some of that sad rain again while you go waddle your way home to Mordor, you absolute clown.

HEAL YOURSELF. QUEEN.

We got more of the dwarves as well and the creation of the seven rings. I was a little disappointed that we got robbed of the Narvi and Celebrimbor friendship happening while making the Doors of Durin, but what can you choose to put in just 8 episodes, right? Sophia and Owain truly are such an amazing combo to watch as Disa and Durin, they did amazingly this season. I’m gonna miss Peter Mullan as King Durin, every scene with him and Owain was just beautiful and heart breaking. “Forgive me my son, King Durin”. I was choking in tears not even 5 minutes into the last episode. And will you look at that, forgiveness is the theme that starts off the episode, huh? 

The Uruk storyline…where do I even begin jfc. I went from Season 1 and loving Adar as an interesting unique character, to loving the entire Uruk story with its sad tragic end. Whoever was responsible for that, amazing job. 

I was sad when Jospeh Malwe left and his role was recasted. But HOLY SHIT, enter Sam Hazeldine and he just took that character to a new height. Adding more complexity, adding more black speech to his dialog, and being a representative of my favorite theme that I speculated is central to this season. Forgiveness.

The orcs being humanized was a great move imo. Because how else would we see the tragedy that is their entire kind being slaves to their own violent nature, that Adar sees past it, and Sauron can’t wait to exploit it. When Sauron tells Celebrimbor about the fall of Gondolin and the orcish blood rage I was FEASTING. THIS is how you introduce lore and expand on the history of the characters. They are a tragic invention of Morgoth, and yet are still sentient beings with names and feelings, that have been drilled and brainwashed about the fact that they’ll never be accepted by anyone, ever. Adar doing everything possibly wrong just to protect them, only to serve them right at Sauron’s feet as his new army. 

I’m sad that we couldn’t have had more of Adar’s character and he was absolutely full with potential, but he was doomed by the narrative from Season 1 and his actions had led to have little wiggle room for him to be left alive in the end. His last moments with Galadriel were beautiful. The very opposite of Sauron and Celebrimbor. He breaks from his cycle of violence and chooses forgiveness and peace. What happened after that though, was what we were supposed to be expecting about Adar's fate from the very first episode. Sauron never forgives and never lets a debt of insult go unpaid.

But what I DIDN’T like is the fact we never had a resolution between him and Arondir. Them stabbing each other and both of them still walking it off?? This is where the disconnect between episode 7 and 8 begins. Cause when they face off on the battlefield, you can see Arondir mouthing some words to Adar, but it must have been cut in the editing room. Adar was Arondir’s main reason why he lost everything and we will never have an appropriate closure between them I guess. Adar and Galadriel forgave each other, but he never asked Arondir for forgiveness. And we should have seen that. Instead, as one of my friends put it while we were gossiping about the last episode “And they just left Adar laying on that hill, huh?”

I want to believe he was Maglor, but hey, even with his elvish identity remaining a mystery, he still wanted the name he earned. I think that was nicely done.  They didn’t have the rights to the lore after all lol.

Sam Hazedine, I hope you get a huge bump up in your CV for playing such an amazing character and may you get other amazing acting roles in the future.

For now, what me and my friends group came up as a batshit “How do we still keep him in the series somehow” plan in 1am in the cafe drinking americanos, we figured he should apply to play as Glorfindel, but with a shaggy beard! Glorfindel is already half-maia at that point. He can get the wizard/elf vibes! Go with the grizzled dad look, no one will notice!! SEND YOUR CV, SAM!!

NÚMENOR!!! We’re slowly, but surely getting to the “and the island goes boom” storyline and ooooohhh I can’t wait. We’re getting hints of Isildur being the messy character that he is. As we slowly go through episode 3, we are hit with the biggest foreshadowing shot in the season, him basically seeing his own ending in the water. And what does he do there?? He steals from a dead man. He then meets and falls for a girl that’s already spoken for. What does he do? Tries to steal her too. Still riddled with guilt for the death of his mother, and using that to try to at least make up for it and cover his guilt with it. But this is Isildur we are talking about. Name a better combo than Isildur and bad decisions. But I love the fact that he was paired up this season with Theo. Similar experiences, both connecting through their loss. And I LOVE Theo’s arc so far, probably the character I’m most interested to see how his story will unfold. 

See, a friend of mine had an interesting theory that, while everyone is still going about Theo being either the Witch King or the King of the Dead…he might have another direction. What If Theo is Aragorn’s other side of the bloodline? Okay. Bronwyn falling for Arondir, human in love with an elf. Can you guess who has the same taste as well? Theo’s unknown lineage on his father’s side. It is almost as an open door to introduce the Dúnedain still living in Middle-Earth, and what better way to introduce them, then through Theo. A mainland Númenor vs. Númenor storyline? The paring of Isldir and him this season is also a hint. “The king’s hands are the hands of a healer”. And guess who’s the ONLY healer in Pelargir now? Theo ALWAYS choosing to stay with his people regardless if he’s been given a way out with either Arondir or Isildur…

Are we’re on to the showrunners or are they just throwing hints like this to lead people in one direction while they figure out his story? 

Back on the island, things are heating up for the Faithful vs. The Kings Men, and I’m here for the doomed story that is Miriel and Elendil. I’M HERE FOR IIIT!!! Pharazôn using both Kemen and Eärien as his tools to set himself on the throne was nicely done too. I was a little disappointed to see some Eärien hate going on though? Pharazôn, used her grief and anger for HIS means. After everything that her family goes through, she has the right to be angry and look for someone to blame. Why would she blame her father? He was under the queen’s orders, right? Grief makes you do terrible things and makes you blind, her respect for Pharazôn as the “smart” leader, falls right into Pharazôn’s hands in the right moment. And he uses it. He tries to turn her against her father too. BUT what does she do? SHE TRUSTS her father and goes AGAINST HERSELF to call the queen to help her save her Elendil, SHE KNOWS about their feelings for each other at that point, even if she doesn’t agree with it. Her love and loyalty to her family is stronger then everything Pharazôn threw at her. I never wanna see Eärien hate in the tags, as Galadriel says it best, heal yourself pls.

Kemen’s development on the other hand, I find really interesting. I get that he’s everyone’s favourite to hate right now, and Leon Wadham does an incredible job if people have such strong reactions to his character. Please don't be weird and don't harass him, he seems incredibly sweet compared to his RoP character. But there’s something really sad about him, you have this númenorian nepo baby that has everything on a golden platter, but the only thing he craves for is his father approval. And his father happens to be the worst person ever. He doesn’t want the scepter, he wants his father to have it. The moment he mentions to Pharazôn “us” he IMMEDIATELY cuts him off with a look and starts telling his own son how his dead mother had an ill prophecy about him. Cruel to the bone. And he blackmails him into telling it IF he does his bidding well. Of course, Kemen does a shit job at it, and we lost Valandil in the process, WHICH I DIDN’T EXPECT!!…BUT, I’m gonna take his death into advancing Kemen’s arc into a more villainous path, him arriving at Pelargir and seeing Isildur alive was such a moment, I had to cackle! The SINGLE PERSON RESPONSIBLE for the start of the domino effect of Númenor slowly going towards its downfall, turns up alive and is headed back home. Where Kemen killed his best friend, imprisoned his father, helped banishing his father, helped imprisoning Miriel and his sister is now target number one of Pharazôn. And Isildur saved Kemen’s life. Name a better combo than Isildur and bad decisions. 

Now, mentioning Valandil, I gotta rant about something else. And it’s about character deaths, especially for POC characters. Valandil dying, while not liking it, thinking it would happen much later when Númenor finally goes boom, it makes kinda sense for him to loose his life to Kemen, WHILE IN THE TEMPLE OF NIENNA. Lady of forgiveness, mercy and grief. Kemen even breaks her statue, which we should take as Kemen being beyond forgiveness. Advancing his character into a darker path. And then Nienna would be the first to forgive him lol.

But Rian?? Dying in the battle for Eregion like that? I get that her death represents a visual queue of the sheer evil and misery that is war. But, Vorohil surviving Boromor levels of arrows in his back, but not Rian? They couldn’t have switched their roles for that?? Rian being the messenger and Vorohil dying to protect his commander?? I’m kinda relieved that at least he survived from Elrond’s little party group, and Camnir is godknows where, but come on man. COME ON MAAAAN! Do better next time please, showrunners. If you introduce cool characters, at least don’t take them away like that, especially when they are POC.

And lastly…the Harfoot storyline. Oh boy. I don’t know if I’m in the minority, but for me this is probably this season's weakest point, A STARK difference from the previous season where I was invested the most. AND WE FINALLY GOT THE CONFIRMATION THAT HE’S GANDALF!! And it felt like, eh. We been knew.

This probably was the most cut storyline and felt like so many moments were missing. HAVING CIARÁN HINDS ONLY FOR A FEW SCENES!?! CRIMINAL!!! At least we got to see some Rhún scenery and got to see another clan of halflings. But the transition to the last episode felt like it lasted like 3 minutes, and then compare the previous season finale where everyone was still buttclenching if Halbrand or The Stanger was Sauron, right until the last conflict with the cultists! THAT was a nice ending of a climax. This season felt like they really didn’t want to bother with it anymore and now we have Gandalf going to Tom Bombadil, which is another perfect cast with Rory Kinnear, and Nori and Poppy leading the remaining Stoors, west. The gang is split. And it felt like a blip, compared to the goodbyes from the previous finale where emotions were high and you felt crushed and hopeful at the same time. But this storyline is now over, so that’s that.

I think that’s the overall general feelings for this season! Not going TOO much into detail, cause this will probably be a BEYOND long post lol.

Previous Personal MVP from Season 1 for me was definitively Daniel Weyman as GANDALF, having so little dialog, but using body language and emotions to act his way into the story. Season 2 MVP goes to Sam Hazeldine’s Adar. The dude swooped in and made the character his own and added so much more. To make me ROOT for the orcs? BLACK SPEECH making me emotional?! Unheard of!! Rest easy Uruk goth king, may you live in other people’s fanfics and be an inspiration for other amazing complex characters.

So…what do we expect now from Season 3 coming up?

Rivendell is coming up baybeeeeh!!! The first defensive bastion of the elves before the war with Sauron starts to heat up! Oh, that last shot was just beyond beautiful, BUT LIKE I SAID!! I would have had Ben Daniels just coming over and saying a few words than having that CGI shot. 

SO MORE CIRDAN NEXT SEASON, PLEASE!!!

I honestly have no idea where Galadriel’s arc is gonna be headed, but her connection to Sauron will always be there, now that she’s sort of marked? by his crown and the evil it’s made off, I wonder if it’s gonna come into play like Frodo when being stabbed by the Witch King’s blade. 

We didn’t get Celeborn as a surprise, and looking back, it was just impossible to get that. Season 1 and 2 are almost glued to one another and if you look at it from another side, it’s a full 16 episode season. This was basically Part 1….of The Rings of Power The Movie.

Hopefully more of the golden boi Gil-galad, give the man more twirling Aeglos moments, come on!! AND MORE GOLDEN FAM MOMENTS TOGETHER!! PLEASE. Some people still don’t know that Galadriel is Gil-galad’s auntie!! 

Sauron snatching Fëanor’s Hammer from Celebrimbor was VILE. And I loved it. He killed the only person talented enough to use it, and now he is left on his own to craft the final ring, by probably a) melting the hammer b) using it half-assedly and in the process messing up the One Ring so that’s why he ends up binding his entire life force to the Ring. BUT before he does that, he has the Nine Rings and he needs Nine Kings. So we’re on our way to seeing more Kingdoms of Men and that means we’re getting more casting announcements as the months go by. 

Pelargir!!! Theo being stuck with Kemen? Recipe for trouble. Hopefully Estrid gets some character development there, cause what we got so far from her was not enough imo. We’re already on our way to seeing the Ent’s promise getting broken. UGHH!! I don’t wanna see that, not when Episode 4 made me so emotional and is probably one of my favourites so far. We’re gonna get a clash with the Low Men vs Númenor for sure and this is where it starts.

We’re getting Khazad-Dum’s Game of Thrones!! NOOOOOO!! I don’t want them clashing with each other uughhh, especially family, but their fate is already written and it’s not gonna be a happy one. We will see if Durin will be tempted to use his father's ring as well. He did leave it to his son. So hoping they go for the emotions in that storyline. And in the mix there’s also the rift being open again between Durin and Elrond. And is it gonna get wider, or are we gonna see it mended next season? QUEEN DISA PLEASE PULL THROUGH!!

NÚMENOOOOR AGAAAAIN!! GOD there’s gonna be a lot of pain in there. And I was off with my prediction, we’re not getting Anárion this season, but we’re DEFINITIVELY getting Anárion next season!! Isildur coming home is gonna cause some chaos I’m sure, finding out pretty much like the pizza burning meme gif that A LOT of shit has happened during his absence. Are we gonna see a rift between Eärien and Isildur though? Her actions pretty much stem from his “death”, so it will be interning to see if the siblings clash or try to settle things first and find their dad and other brother. Pharazôn slowly setting himself up for the arrival of someone special AKA Sauron. We’re maybe still too far off from that plot, but as much as I enjoyed The Charlies™ and their scenes together, I CAN’T WAIT to see Charlie and Trystan being a combo act on screen. I LOVE Trystan’s portrayal as Pharazôn, he just oozes those charming but menacing vibes when he’s in his act. And to pair that up with Charlie? Which mask will he choose to manipulate him with? OH! CAN’T WAAAAIT!!

And then again lastly, as each season and episode, the Harfoots and Gandalf. It was nice to see that we’re getting the lore about how the halflings find The Shire, so we’ll probably gonna follow them on their travels to the west, and hopefully they meet some of the other key characters from the series. At some point, most of the characters HAVE TO HAVE A BRIDGE to meet up, instead of getting multiple separate stories. Hopefully Season 3 is that. Gandalf being mentored by Tom Bombadil in Rhún while the other wizard is still on the loose. The showrunners did confirm that Cirian is not Saruman, so that makes him one of the blues that failed their mission. They can go aaaanywhere with this storyline, but they better bring it up closer to Sauron and Galadriel. If they wanna show us the connection between Galadriel and Gandalf, and why Gandalf fears Sauron so much, I think Season 3 is the best point to start.

And that's pretty much it I guess.

Now the painful wait of TWO FREAKING YEARS begins for Season 3.

I'm gonna try to stay as active as possible with my gifs and plan out some sets, maybe including some of the other acting gigs of the other RoP actors, like my "Hazeldine cope mechanism for Thursday" sets, if my time allows it. But time is all we have now.

September flew by for me with this series. Like, 28th of August was two weeks ago, right?

So what are we doing next Thursday?

[malkaleh]

So @nocompromise-noregrets and I were chatting (as we do) and I was like listen I have a giant fanart wishlist and my gold cages one is Extensive but the really vivid image in my head is what I’m calling The Dol Amroth (Founded By Arondir and Bronwyn who are FINE and now have a second child) Beach Day. It is also important to note that Miriel and Elendil are also married with a baby daughter. So like some image highlights:

Gil-galad is wearing Ben Walkers sunglasses, drinking an iced tea and reading the most delightful romantasy novel the elves could produce. He is absolutely chilling.

Galadriel is doing a flip off the cliff. Islidur and Theo are taking video on their phones, completely awestruck.

Celeborn is like 😍 MY WIFE and he and Arondir are chatting under a tree a little bit away from the water because the sea is still a little bit hard for both of them, because of Doriath etc but they are learning.

(Galadriel is absolutely going to get Celeborn to do the Bond Boy walking out of the ocean in a bit because She Can)

Elendil is the most hot dad at the beach (he’s holding his and Miriels new baby and dipping her little toes in the shallows and also ISILDUR I DON’T CARE HOW OLD YOU ARE REAPPLY SUNSCREEN)

It is important to note that yes, Elrond is Rob!Elrond but biracial so he’s olive skinned with those gorgeous dark curls and star light eyes and he is so happily helping with Soraya and also Elendil and Miriels baby and Gerda and Gamli and it is So Beautiful and the kids all adore him.

Celebrian is there and is just :blatantly looking at Elrond delightedly like yes, she is going to marry him: while chilling on a towel in between cliff diving because she is her mothers daughter.

Bronwyn is just laughing with her toddler because Soraya adores the ocean beyond reason and yes, now they are both soaked but it’s the best thing ever.

Celebrimbor is sitting under a shade umbrella on the worlds most comfortable beach chair and is being Very Seriously Consulted by Gerda and Gamli who want to make shell necklaces for their parents and aunts and uncles who are all here. It’s the first things he has created since Sauron and everything and like, listen Celebrimbor is such a great teacher in my head and he is so good with small beings and it’s so so sweet @verecunda

Disa is actually chatting to Bronwyn and Miriel about Queen Things and Durin is absolutely working on lunch.

[purplecherryuwu]

When Uma and Gil visited Harry for the first time post D3 aka officially meeting Harry's dad and snakes

Note: Thanks to @fandomsareforlife for helping me flesh out this mini story and the snake name :3

"Harry, there's no way in hell you actually live here!" Uma muttered as the trio stood in front of the Le Fay recidence.

"Oh really?" Harry grinned and knocked. "Daad! Father we're here!"

"JUST COME IN THE DOOR IS UNLOCKED!"

Uma and Gil looked at each other in shook, yup that was Captain Hook's voice no doubt.

Harry had close to no reaction as he opened the door and pulled his friends in. Both of them looking around in awe at how big and fancy everything was.

"Dad just finished sprucing up the place," Harry explained. "thank gods he has magic I would've never cleaned this by hand!"

"H-Harry..." Gil smiled nervously and moved closer to his friend. "D-don't freak out but ehrm... that thing is getting closer!"

Harry frowned and looked over where Gil was pointing, seeing a big snake slithering towards them.

"Oh hi there buddy!" Harry laughed and extended his arm for the snake to climb onto.

"WHY ARE YOU HOLDING IT?!"

"Hey!" Harry frowned. "Did I react like this when ye introduced me to the sharks?"

"No but-" Uma studied the snake. "That thing is venomous!"

"Only of he bites ye," Harry shrugged. "he won't unless ye piss him off!"

At that, as if the snake understood what Harry was saying it lightly hissed at Uma before rubbing it's head against Harry's chin

"Anyways... dinner won't be done for a bit... ye guys wanna see my room?"

"Can we meet your dad?" Gil asked carefully. "Where is he?"

"Probably in his office," Harry shrugged. "I'll send Jerry to see if he's busy or not!"

"Jerry?" Uma frowned.

"Him!" Harry pointed at the snake as it slithered up the stairs.

"You named the snake Jerry?"

"Not me," Harry sighed. "Dad's the one who named all the snakes in the house!"

"You have more snakes?!"

"Your dad is terrible at names for his pets," Uma snorted. "At least to he was better with his kids..."

"He wasn't," Harry laughed. "Father just didn't let him have a say!"

"Come on now Harry!"

All three kids turned around to see a man with dark blonde curly hair and deep brown eyes walk down the stairs.

"I think Monty would've been a lovely name for you!"

"Better than what ye wanted to name Harriet," Harry rolled his eyes playfully. "Captain, Gilly... meet my dad"

"Morgie Le Fay Hook at your service," He smiled and bowed. "my son talks about you two all the time!"

"DAD-"

"Is he lying son?" Hook smirked as he entered the room.

"So Harry..." Uma narrowed her eyes playfully. "When you talk about us... what do you say?"

"N-nothing special!" Harry sputtered and glared at his parents slightly.

"Cmon guys I'll show you my room!"

"Bye Captain Hook and.... Mr Hook!" Gil smiled brightly as Harry pulled him upstairs. "It was nice meeting you!"

[koolkat9]

Sick and Tired

Rating: T

Relationship: Germania + German Bros

Word Count: 775

Read on AO3

Author's Note: This was supposed to be fore German Bros week, but it turned more into a Gil and Germania fic than a Gil and Lud fic. So it will be it's own separate thing. But still...I wanted to release it on the same day. Based on a teen dad prussia au I have.

It had been a long day and a long night. Poor Ludwig had come down with his first cold, and given it was the weekend, it was Gilbert’s turn to take care of him. Gilbert had finally gotten him to sleep and was sitting down to start on his studying when a raspy cry rattled down the hall.

“Shit,” Gilbert muttered under his breath.

He tried to focus on his textbook and the notebook in front of him. He read the sentence over and over, the meaning of the words getting drowned out by the cries.

“In 1741, Frederick the Great…” he read aloud, hoping that would get him to focus. “Fredrick the Great achieved…Agh.”

He pressed his hands against his ears, screwing his eyes shut.

When the crying continued, Gilbert finally shot up and strode down the hallway. He threw open the door, it slammed against the nearby wall. For a moment, Ludwig stopped crying. Until he started right up again after getting over his shock. Gilbert groaned.

He picked up the baby and began rocking him. Bouncing him back and forth, frustrated.

“Shhhhh,” Gilbert hushed, “You’re fine. It’s fine. You’ll feel better if you sleep, you know?”

Rock and plead, rock and plead. It went on for an hour. But with his tired brain and Ludwig’s constant screaming, time was lost on Gilbert.

“Just please be quiet,” Gilbert begged, vision blurring with tears. “Please… please… please.”

Gilbert swayed slightly. He couldn’t tell if he was dizzy from being overwhelmed or tired or maybe he hadn’t drunk enough water today. He pulled himself over to the rocking chair and began rocking Ludwig once more.

But no matter what, Ludwig wouldn’t stop crying, face beet red.

Gilbert sniffed, pulling Ludwig closer and just breaking down into sobs.

“What’s going on–” A voice started to ask, only to cut himself off. A shadow shuffled amongst the darkened room.

“Papa…” Gilbert blubbered, finding his father kneeling in front of him.

“Someone still not feeling too good?” Adalbert asked, rubbing Ludwig’s head.

Gilbert shook his head no, swallowing thickly. “I’m sorry.”

“Hush now.”

Adalbert’s hand came to rest on Ludwig’s forehead. “Fever.”

He nodded to himself, rising to his feet, and headed to Ludwig’s closet. He pulled out a thinner set of PJs.

“Give him to me,” Adalbert instructed.

Gilbert handed Ludwig over tiredly. He collapsed back into the rocking chair. He couldn’t watch as his father dressed Ludwig in the lighter closed. He buried his head in his hands, tears soaking his palms. Why couldn’t he stop?

He hadn’t even noticed that Adalbert had taken Ludwig out of the room. When Gilbert finally looked up, he scoured the room frantically.

Luckily Adalbert returned a few minutes into Gilbert’s search.

“Don’t worry, I just was giving him a little lukewarm bath,” Adalbert explained, “Did wonders for you when you were a baby.”

And it seemed Ludwig took after Gilbert in that way. He was already dozing off in Adalbert’s arms.

“I’m sorry,” Gilbert mumbled wetly.

“You have nothing to apologize for. You did your best. Especially considering you’re under stress about that test. Speaking of…” He placed Ludwig back in the crib. “You should have come to me. I could have taken care of him today.”

“But he’s my responsibility, I–”

“Gilbert.” Adalbert’s voice was stern and his eyes cool. Gilbert winced. “When we decided to go through with this, you promised your studies would come first and I’d support you and Ludwig to make that happen.”

“But we also said the weekend would be my time to take care of him.”

Adalbert sighed. “Yes. But the importance of your studies trumps that. So right now, I want you to go to bed and sleep. I’ll take care of Ludwig tomorrow until you finish studying.”

Gilbert wanted to argue, feeling like a failure and that his father was angry at him. But he knew it was fruitless. He joined Adalbert beside the crib, wanting to at least check Ludwig one more time.

He looked so peaceful now. Still a little sick, but at least he wasn’t sobbing. Tears burned behind Gilbert’s eyes.

“I think he likes you better,” Gilbert choked.

Adalbert put a hand on his shoulder. “I think he likes you just as much.”

Ludwig cooed at them, little hands reaching out, not to Adalbert but to Gilbert. Gilbert quirked a brow. Cautiously, Gilbert reached out, letting Ludwig grasp his finger. After a few minutes, Ludwig closed his eyes and was fast asleep.

When Gilbert turned back to his father, Adalbert had a small smile on his face. “What did I tell you?”

Gilbert returned the smile. 

[sandwichmustbetasty]

half of the season 1 behind and these are my feelings:

making galadriel so un-galadriel - horrible, she is the daughter of high king finarfin and would never behave like a petulant child going on her merry way to seek sauron. she would also not wear feanorian star for fuck's sake

numenor - terribly rushed, don't like it's downfall being sped up like 1500 years, give the Men some credit

the whole people living in mordor story - eh, not great, the men there are kind of annoying, but rooting for arondir

whole weird thing with elvish politics honestly and elrond being somehow treated as lesser because of his heritage (his heritage is literally the most prominent heroes and kings of middle earth. and also a maia. his dad literally ended the war so.)

where the hell is celeborn and celebrian - i so wanted to see the blooming romance between celebrian and elrond, i would give everything to see them together

now for the things i DO enjoy

elrond's baby face - he's my pookie i love him (also writes speeches for gil, very in character, love that for him) just a baby, must protecc

elrond & durin's friendship - yes. just the right amount of sass (and elrond forgetting that dwarves are mortal and not visiting for 20 years might be in bad taste), they are great together, please more

durin & disa - YES, shame they didn't give the dwarf women beards, but still, disa is amazing, they relationship is so precious to me

gil-galad - finally an elf with long hair, very noldor-looking, very nice, very nice (his golden robes are fucking obnoxious but oh well, he's a king, also real fandom-made Finrod would 10000% approve of that choice and would suggest adding some thousand shimmering jewels), he looks so done with everyone's shit and i love that about him (he's a russingon child you can pry this headcanon from my cold dead hands and you will still not succeed)

tyelpe - jesus where do i even start. he is fucking old but seeing his soft face just brings me so much joy. the softest, brightest boy, just wanting to make fancy jewellery, absolutely no harm will ever come to him. i adore him with every fibre of my being. he is so eager with his forge project, so eager to meet the dwarves, just so eager to learn; feanor would be so proud

also adar - it brings new, uncomfortable perspective of something most of us knew before, that the orcs and elves are not so far removed, and whether or not orcs deserve anything other than being stabbed. i always struggled with the bit in lotr where we see that they actually do not all want to fight and are very much slaves. it's uncomfortable to come to the conclusion that the world is not white and black and maybe orcs don't deserve only to be wiped out when their corruption is not of their doing. a nice touch i'd say.

[writerthatcannotwrite]

This came to me after school, yall.

Elrond: so you're just to accept three rings of power---that are shiny---made by Fëanor's grandson, when the three shiny things Fëanor made led to the deaths of thousands of people?????

Gil-Galad, Círdan, and Galadriel, who were all directly affected by Fëanor's Crazy: I mean, come onnnnn. What could POSSIBLY happen??

Elrond: *flashbacks to his dads arguing about some shiny rocks over dinner* ORPHANS AND SUICIDES COULD HAPPEN, THAT'S WHAT

Cause yall. Bro has firsthand experience of what shiny metals/rocks/jewelry does to the brain. His mom, his adopted dads, like the whole shebang. And all these people that Elrond looks up to, and likely sees as close family/friends, are just being stupid!!!! ALL OF THEM lived through the First Age, so there's no reason for this tomfoolery!!

Yes, I know that they were deceived by Annatar, and I know that no one is infallible, but guys!!!! Three objects of power!!! You gotta wonder were we saw that last! 🤔

[simon-roy]

The idea of logging on a colonized alien planet brings my mind back to the planet Lalonde from Peter F. Hamilton's Night's Dawn books - a world that had very hard wood as its only meaningful export, and was also stuck developing its economy from agriculturalism (due to investment shortages, though).

All this is to say - Hey! What are some foundational inspirations for your sci fi verse? You gotta have some like recommendations of classic or older sci-fi for us, right? What are some of your suggestions of books and authors to read?

OK SO - My sci-fi tastes have sort of ended up in some very specific niches. Growing up, I was a Larry Niven +Jerry Pournelle man, in part because my dad amassed a huge collection of their books - then gave 90% of them away before i was old enough to read them. So one of my teenage missions was rebuilding that library, trash and all!

Stuff like Footfall, Ringworld, Gil "The Arm" Hamilton, Protector (yes i attempted to name a comic series similarly, and paid for it) "The Mote in God's Eye"... you name it, I read fuckloads of these books. And while they tend to land on a sort of human chauvinist "mankind will win based on his inherent adaptive human-ness, and the aliens will fail because of their rigid alien-ness", this shit was very foundational to me.

Their more collaborative series, The Man-Kzin Wars and War World, also loom large in my teenage mind. The Man-Kzin wars are super fun - humans meet a race of tiger-men, and go from being NWO peaceniks to roughneck cat-skinners in a generation! PEACE AND LOVE WONT DEFEAT TIGER MEN!

Similarly, war world (like lots of that 70s/80s military sci fi) was a sort of catch-all for western military nerds to play with their favorite factions - it was a planet where all the un-ruleable ethnic groups and nationalities had been deported by the authoritarian earth government, and left to rot... until a race of genetically engineered fascist super men land on the world, and start trying to rule the place. Pretty fun shit.

As I got older, I turned hard into William Gibson, and read the absolute shit out of both the Neuromancer trilogy and the Bridge trilogy, as well as his short stories. Bruce Sterling was part of that wave for me, too, and I religiously sought his old paperbacks out too. In terms of novels, "Distraction" is my favorite coherent Sterling Novel - though the short stories in the "Schismatrix" novel/collection of his remain my absolute favorite space opera pieces.

At this age, too, I found my top-top fave Sterling Stories - "Taklaman" and "Bicycle Repairman", both gritty pseudo-cyberpunk stories of the highest degree, in this collection:

This thousand-plus page collection of short stories and novellas was basically my bible for a few years - i put sticky notes on each story i loved and meant to return to, until the book was so festooned with sticky note bookmarks i abandoned the practice altogether. If you have the chance, just buy this book and chew on it for a few years.

As i got into my 20s, Charles Stross became my lode star - his books like Accelerando and Glasshouse were total game changers for me. They come with their own peculiarities, but I loved his transhuman/posthuman musings (or at least i was obsessed with his stuff for a good few years - the venn diagram of his obvious interests and my own overlapped enough that his books were great fodder for a growing sci-fi loving brain).

But since then, my main literary squeeze has been the great man, JACK VANCE. Working on Prophet, my friend @cmkosemen made a remark about how much the early issues of the series reminded him of a book series called "Planet of Adventure" or "the Tschai Cycle", by Jack Vance. The book has a beautifully simple setup - a man from an entirely undescribed spacefaring human civilization crash-lands onto a weird planet. But on that planet, he finds four separate civilizations, each who possess a population of enslaved humans, culturally and physically molded to the needs of their masters. And each book of this series covers our generic hero's interactions with each bizarre expoitative culture. I was extremely intrigued.

Soon thereafter, I found my current absolute favorite book - "THE DRAGON MASTERS". A book about an isolated medieval world... which gets visited, once every few generations, by a black pyramid starship, flown by a reptilian race known as the Greph. The greph capture humans to (surprise surprise) breed them into hyper specific slaves... who in turn become Greph-like in their thinking and demeanours. But the last time the BLACK PYRAMID landed, a bunch of angry medieval dudes stormed the thing, blew it up, and captured a bunch of greph... who became the breeding stock for a whole new human world of slave labour. By the time we meet this planet, the two rival lords of the human-populated regions have been breeding greph slave warriors, or "dragons", for generations, for combat against one another. But soon, the black pyramid will return...

I love this book I even spent a good few months during covid talking with the Vance Estate and several publishers about developing it into a graphic novel, but nobody could quite agree on how it could get made with old Simon getting a paycheque... so sadly it fell apart. There are concept drawings floating around my patreon and other corners of the internet. But one day I'll use 'em...

My other favorite books of his, to name a couple of the MANY books of his I love:

THE BLUE WORLD: A caste system of humans, descended from a crashed prison ship, live on floating settlements on an ocean planet, paying protection to a giant long-lived intelligent crustacean. But one man is tired of giving up all his crops to this tyrannical megafauna...

THE MIRACLE WORKERS: Rival lords on a planet descended to medieval tech (surprise surprise) fight using armies... and rival SORCERORS who employ the powers of suggestion to voodoo each others' warriors... but when facing non-human intelligences, these sorceror's skills fall short.

But there are heaps more, and I love most (thought not all) of the ones i've read. They're generally short, concise, and full of all sorts of bizarre bullshit.

THere are more books i've read and enjoyed in my life, of course, but these are the core ones that I think of when I think of my career as a sci-fi reader... let me know what your top recs are!

[eri-pl]

Another B&L rework

This time is has everything we need:

Celegorm is not villanized and actually cool (still a kinslayer, but only once)

Curufin is not too villanized either (he is pragmatic with bad results, really bad at estel, and still a kinslayer. But he isn't a cartoon villain, just complicated. Also G-g's dad.)

Finrod is there and is still awesome (and still not very smart)

There's more angst than in the canon

It fits seamlessly with the rest of the story

Long post below cut

It starts during the battle (was that Sudden Flame?). Barahir saves both Finrod and Celegorm. Curufin is somewhere else at the time, idk, battles are chaotic, ok? Finrod makes his oath to Barahir. Celegorm has trauma on oaths, but gives Barahir a ring (yes, it's not Finrod in this), and a not-a-promise-but-I-feel-in-debt talk.

The 3 Elves (FCC) go together to Nargothrond (which was built either by Finrod or better Finrod and Curufin: Finrod did the diplomacy and decor, Curufin did the engineering. Anyway now they're all there). There is no Orodredh, we don't need him anyway.

BTW Gil-Galad as Celebrimbor's brother? He's just more introverted and a slow bloomer? So at this point he doesn't do much, I imagine him hunting w uncle Celegorm and talking philosophy with Finrod. This kind of interests. He'll grow to be more of a warrior later, probably during War of Wrath.

Finrod happily shares the rulership with Curufin, because then he can spend more time on art and fanboying over Mannish philosophy and trying to figure it out. Curufin likes to manage stuff. Celegorm is in and out of the city, hunting and often bored.

They are friends, even with the stains of the whole Kinslaying thing. But their dynamics is... well, they do argue. Finrod is the idealist and sometimes lacks contact with reality. Curufin is the clever one, but very pragmatic, even cynical. Celegorm is not into discussions and easily bored. But they do like each other etc. they did fight together, it connects.

Also, Finrod is totally a Man fanboy at this point and assumes (why? idk. He is just like that) the Secondborn are a fix to everything and will solve the Oath of Feanor somehow and everything. He is not, like, insane, but he is definitely overenthusiastic at times, and much of an idealist. He does some really weird and often false extrapolation from what Andredh told him and everyone kinda ignores his more esoteric ideas. But he is also wise in many areas. Just don't let him start talking about philosophy ;) Also he is very optimistic in general, that's just his personality (I think Celegorm is also rather optimistic, even with all the circumstances).

Then Beren comes. Finrod of course follows him to the quest, C&C discuss it and Celegorm goes too. Part of it is gratitude, part of it is the Silmaril. He's got no idea what would he do if Beren succeeds. But this is Celegorm. He doesn't think much into the future.

Curufin stays as technically a regent, but it's pretty clear to everyone that Finrod is not going to come back, so he is de facto king from the start. He does the "imprison Luthien to protect her" thing, but it's well-intentioned. Also, he likes her more than he likes Beren, and he doesn't want to risk her getting a Silmaril because then he'd have to kill her (She is aware of it, and of the fact that he would probably be willing to kill Beren if it came to that. She doesn't like Curufin, to say it mildly, but they are also allies. It's complicated. She runs away anyway.).

He also later does the stupid bridge thing. He's nor actively malicious here, just makes bad decisions. Also, Finrod would want him to listen to the advice of Men and he has some anger on Finrod at this point (for dying and, even more, for getting Celegorm into a quest he will likely not survive) and there's some subconscious passive-agressive "I'll do the stupid thing Finrod would do, he deserves it!". Also, building things is just cool and the bridge does sound like it could make sense.

Huan stays in the city with Luthien, Celegorm orders him or manipulates him to stay, "for his own good" (Celegorm does not expect to return from the quest), Huan is very upset about it, so of course both he and Luthien run away.

Beren with two Elves disguise as Orcs. Finrod does the singing, Celegorm does the more material part of disguise (mud and clay and stuff) and invents the names. ("Felagund" is not a well-known name for Finrod and Beren is just a random dude, so it's not *that* stupid. Celegorm picks something better than reverse-name for himself. "Nauh" maybe :D or a less obvious pun.) Celegorm thinks it is funny, and makes the names like that to make Sauron look stupid. Finrod does the song duel - he is a better singer than Celegorm. Celegorm is a much better liar though, so he also has his part. They get captured anyway. They do probably have some people with them, but not much (C&C were stubborn about not wasting lives), the canon 10 is fine. Everything goes as normal, except Celegorm is there. The wolf is huge. Celegorm starts the "break the chains and bite it to death" first, Finrod frees himself too (maybe with a little help) but they can't free Beren, the fight is too intense. Celegorm bites the wolf to death, Finrod helps a little, both are severly wounded. Finrod manages to heal Celegorm enough to save his life, but Celegorm is bad at healing (because he's a kinslayer and also because it's just something he was never good at, Finrod was better, because he is good at singing in general). Celegorm faints, Finrod dies. :(

Luthien and Huan come and get the two of them out. More healing. Celegorm is surprised to be alive, becasue Doom of the Noldor and all.

They do the questing as in canon. They go to Angband. I have a small problem with Huan here, I need a reason for him to stay outside, maybe further away. Wounded?

They enter Angband. Do things as in canon. Beren yoinks the Silmaril. Celegorm makes a weird face and something that leads to noise (maybe he is trying to yoink the other one in the meantime?). Anyway Celegorm looks as if he was considering murdering B&L and generally insane, Morgoth's forces wake up, B&L run...

Celegorm stays behind. (That's why we can't have Huan here - he would stay with Celegorm and we need him later.)

He stays to cover their backs, but from B&L's point of view he may as well be staying because the Silmarils compelled him and he is out of his mind now. If I wrote this as a fic, it would be clear in his PoV that he does the heroic thing here, and dies like a hero (yes, he legit dies and goes to Mandos, give him at least this), but from B&L's pov it's ambiguous.

The rest goes as normal, except there is no Orodreth. Curufin survives the fall of Nargothrond (we'll need him at the kinslaying). Oh, and Celebrimbor doesn't cut ties with his father and uncle, but that doesn't change anything really. Huan dies as per the story.

B&L are smart enough to not try to meet Curufin again.

Dior is raised partially by B&L on stories of Celegorm who died a hero (They do give him the benefit of doubt. It is sometimes emotionally difficult for them to do so, but they do.), and on stories of the tragedy of the House of Feanor. Luthien teaches him compassion for them (this isn't very easy to do either, but she does), but not support for all their deeds.

And partially he is raised by others, on stories of Feanorians as bloodthirsty monsters (I imagine Thingol would propagate those).

Also, he is raised by Melian, who has foresight and straightup tells Dior that getting the Silmarils will not save the sons of Feanor, but it will destroy them. Maybe even some details about fire and despair. And she tells him that the Silmaril he holds is the best hope for Beleriand, though she doesn't yet know how. For all of them, both Feanorians and everyone else.

So, when they demand the Silmaril later, he still refuses. Not out of hate for them. He refuses in order to protect them. For the memory of Celegorm, and for pity. And for sake of the whole world. That too.

Curufin gets his letter (with all this explained), rolls his eyes and tears the letter to pieces. He is the pragmatic one and wants to protect Maedhros and others from the difficult choice and despair of knowing that they cannot win. From his point of view following the Oath is necessary, otherwise they're all doomed. He destroys Dior's letter to save his brothers.

And his sons. In this version Celebrimbor is still with him (and Gil-galad!), so Curufin sends his poor, innocent, not-Oath-bound sons somewhere far. And prepares for battle.

Two of Celegorm's servants remember how their lord died because of those Silmaril thieves. They suspect that Beren and Luthien backstabbed Celegorm so that they could take the gem for themselves. The two warriors have sworn revenge long ago.

The rest goes on as normal, except without Celegorm because he's dead. So we later do get Earendil and all that.

(Oh, probably Huan's 3 speeches would be different. Celegorm in this version deserves at least one.)

Also:

Celegorm: I'm... not in the Everlasting Darkness? Namo: By protecting those two you did more to bring woe onto Morgoth that you would do any other way. It will lead to his downfall. Celegorm: Are you allowed to tell me all that? Namo: *shrug* You shall not be reborn until he is defeated. Celegorm: *assumes it's like, thousands of years* :( Celegorm: ...what is the Everlasting Darkness, anyway? Namo: *exhausted tone* I do not answer questions on metaphysics. Celegorm: *knowingly* ...Finrod? Namo: *nod* Celegorm: My apologies, I tried to spare you his visit. ;D :( Namo: ...and tell me, why it is that you could not heal him? Celegorm:...because I'm a kinslayer?* Namo: Because you're a kinslayer. Now ponder on this for some time, I shall visit you later.

*(there's a canon thing that killing people makes you a worse healer even if it was justified)

There are probably still some holes in this narrative, because I'm bad at the lore. I would be grateful for corrections.