#yeah. genuinely not very happy with this but also not in the position to rewrite it so we move

[abiiors]

under the mistletoe 🎄// ross macdonald x reader (pt 2 of 2)

twelve days of christmas - day 3

a/n: best friends to lovers? no. it's idiots to lovers. this is also part 2 of secret santa cw: kissing, alcohol, very tame and cheesy. there might be typos... wc: 3k

a cheer cuts through the chatter in the room and ross finds himself standing under a mistletoe, liv first in his arms, then standing on her toes and then they’re kissing—sweet, long kisses that make him smile despite the butterflies in his stomach. 

butterflies that should have been a result of the kiss. instead, it feels more like a swarm of bees buzzing in his chest from anticipation. 

ross doesn’t expect to be this nervous. more than that, he doesn’t expect to pull away from the kiss before she does. even when liv looks at him with slight concern. 

he certainly doesn’t expect himself to be so hung up on secret santa. he has bought plenty of gifts for people he cares about before! good ones too; sure, he’s no pro at gift giving but he’s not entirely hopeless. but this time he simply cannot afford to mess up. not when it took him two turns to get the name he really wanted. 

everyone looks festive in some shade of red or green on white—and one silver but charli really pulls it off. liv has a beautiful green velvet dress on, her curly hair piled on top of her head and gold hoops dangling from her ears. liv looks stunning!

it’s her that really takes his breath away—the girl who’s been his best friend for over a decade now. the girl who now stares at him with a tight smile on her face, cheering almost on autopilot with the rest of his friends. she’s in a classic red slip dress and matching red lipstick that contrasts her skin so perfectly that ross almost feels guilty for staring at her longer than necessary. he’s right next to his girlfriend for fucks sake. he needs to focus!

the excitement in the room is off the charts! everyone’s buzzing to get to the main event—the secret santa gifts—and he feels a tiny pit of nervousness at the centre of all his enthusiasm. what if she doesn’t like his gift? what if it’s something she already has or something that’s too personal… too intimate. 

liv breaks his little spiral. 

“you alright?” she slides onto his lap with an easy smile and pecks him softly. 

“yeah, just excited about the gifts! i wonder who got my name.” even with her on his thigh ross can’t stop his knee from bouncing up and down. the weird mixture of anticipation and butterflies is something he’s rarely felt before—not since… well not since her last birthday when he’d gotten her two tickets to the play she’d been dying to go to. 

(if he’s being honest it was not since she’d asked him if he’d like to go with her.)

“me too!” liv beams and it’s as if that’s matty’s cue to announce that they can all finally, finally move to the living room.

the living room is adorned with twinkling lights and tinsel, creating a warm and cozy atmosphere. a decently sized pile of gifts sits under the pretty tree—the current object of everyone’s interest. his nervousness aside, ross feels as giddy as the others do, still like a child on christmas morning about to get the long anticipated pokemon card collection. 

matty gets to the pile and starts calling out names one after the other. 

ross is barely even listening—his mind races with a million different possibilities. what if it’s a shit gift? what if she doesn’t like it or has something similar or doesn’t get the significance of it?

what if she thinks he put no thought into it?

he’s barely even listening when polly coos over the “cutest jumper ever!” or when george cackles over his gag gift or when matty almost goes misty eyed over the vintage book. 

he only snaps out of it when matty calls out her name and envelopes her in a hug. 

“it’s perfect,” he sniffles and ross burns with envy.

not envious of matty. never envious of matty but… a tiny, irrational part of him wishes she were his secret santa instead. that she spent days thinking about him, obsessing over finding the perfect gift just like he had. 

that maybe she spent her nights in bed, wondering a thousand times over if her gift would make him smile (it would, ross thinks. she could get him a £10 bottle of wine and he would still cherish it dearly.)

“ross!” matty calls out and he startles a little. 

matty looks at him with a slightly puzzled expression and wiggles a neatly wrapped gift in front of him. it’s square and thin with a small note attached to it.

he recognises it instantly—a handwriting he’s only recently come to know as liv’s. 

liv. his girlfriend. his secret santa. 

and he’s an awful, awful boyfriend for the feeling of disappointment that rises in him.

his fingers move deftly, tearing apart the wrapping paper until the gift inside becomes visible. the first thing he registers is the word “untitled” printed front and centre in big bold letters. and below it: “divine connection: the last unreleased album”. it dawns on him slowly—the band, their band. the last album from their band. just his and hers. and on autopilot, his gaze snaps up to her.

“ross?”

for the second time that evening liv’s voice cuts through his spiral and he turns around to see her standing at the door to the balcony with a half-drunk champagne flute in her hands. she’s beautiful, he thinks. she’s always been stunning but his heart doesn’t skip a beat when he looks at her. 

“can we talk?” she walks in and stands next to him, shoulders brushing with his. it’s a cold night. it’s silly being outside but he’s in a weird mood. he even kinda prefers it here. 

“yeah of course,” he clears his throat and tries to appear casual. 

“did you like your gift?”

“i did. it was… it was perfect.” at least that much is true. at least that much he can say with 100% certainty. “thank you. really, i mean it.”

“i know you do.”

for a minute she doesn’t say anything but her eyes roam over his face—a scruitinising sort of a look that makes him want to shy away. she’s never been particularly intense but in the few weeks he’s known liv, she’s had a way of guessing his little tells. it takes everything in him to not look away. 

still, he closes his eyes for a minute. 

the scene is still so fresh in his mind—ross opening the gift and looking up. ross staring at her and not liv. ross murmuring “thank you. it’s perfect.” and smiling at her before he even remembered that the gift was supposed to be from liv. 

ross only looks at her, his best friend. and she can’t seem to meet his gaze. 

liv clears her throat and brings him back to the present. she takes another swig of her champagne and offers him the glass. ross studies her lipstick smudge on the rim and accepts the drink gratefully. 

“you’re in love with her, aren’t you?” 

a second sooner and he would have choked on the drink or done a spit-take like a fucking idiot but the question leaves him so speechless that he almost drops the glass. 

“who?”

“don’t play dumb now.” her tone’s a bit sharp but her words aren’t unkind and the thought of being scolded like that makes him blush slightly and straighten up. 

he’s about to speak when she continues. 

“i see how you look at her—how you looked at her when you opened the gift i gave you. you knew it wasn’t from me didn’t you?”

wordlessly, he nods his head. 

“you knew i didn’t think of it. you were right though. i didn’t. i went to her because she’s you best friend.”

“and she told you about the band?”

liv clicks her tongue. “she handed me the record. turns out she had you for secret santa before we picked the names again.”

“oh…”

there’s another beat of loaded silence in which he struggles to maintain eye contact with her and not feel like an utterly shit boyfriend. 

“liv i—”

“i know,” she smiles briefly. “but you can’t string me along, babe. look i like you a lot. i really do and i know… i know you told me you were trying to move on from someone but i assumed that was a past relationship. i didn’t realise you were talking about…your best friend.”

“i’m sorry,” he shakes his head. “i really am. i know that was shitty of me.”

“it was a little.”

none of them speak for a few minutes. ross looks at her champagne again, wishing he’d had a drink with him for this conversation. or maybe not—maybe a clearer head is what he needs. he is getting dumped, after all. 

and yet… there’s no sadness. just a faint sense of disappointment. 

“so this is it i guess?”

in one gulp liv finishes the rest of her champagne and nods. “yeah. this is it. for what it’s worth ross… i have no hard feelings.”

this time when she smiles at him, it’s open and sincere. much to his relief, it’s friendly. liv stands on her toes and presses a kiss to his cheek. it’s chaste and quick—a goodbye, one that he returns by hugging her tightly. 

liv pauses at the threshold just as she’s leaving. 

“why don’t you tell her?”

ross shakes his head in disappointment and feels the familiar ache settle bone deep. the night suddenly seems so much colder than before—no longer the cosy kind that makes you want to snuggle up with a loved one. this feels sharp and biting. 

“can’t,” he shrugs, “i don’t want to ruin years’ worth of friendship.”

he expects liv to understand that. it’s a perfectly normal sentiment—to love someone enough that you’d rather have some of them than none of them. but she just shakes her head at him. 

“wow…” liv sighs, “for a man so smart… you really are fucking dumb.”

and then she leaves him on the balcony, shivering and confused. 

by the time he gets inside, there’s a lull in the party. everyone’s either drunk or loved up or both. well, maybe not everyone. 

ross finds her huddled in front of the fireplace, absently staring at her wrist. at the pearl bracelet he got for her.

a near-perfect match to her beloved pearl necklace from her grandmother.

the fire casts a warm, golden glow on her—on her hair and the curve of her shoulder, the hollow of her throat, and down her chest. he stands transfixed at the threshold, waiting for something to happen. 

maybe matty (passed out on the sofa) will wake up if he moves or polly might need something from him or george and charli might see them and he loves his friends but they have barely any concept of personal space after all these years. maybe he could just do it tomorrow when he’s not half-drunk, half-sober, and fully freaking out. 

“ross?”

too late to hide now. 

“why are you stood there? come on! it’s so cold!” she opens up her blanket cocoon—an invitation for him to join. 

ross, startled by her voice, stumbles into the room. his cheeks flush with embarrassment and he clears his throat, trying to mask the awkwardness that has suddenly enveloped him. 

fuck! she’s pretty. and yes he thinks that every single time he looks at her but it’s moments like these that really hit him like a gut punch. 

liv’s words echo in his mind over and over again. for a man so smart… you really are fucking dumb. was she trying to say what he thinks she was? or is he just delusional and projecting his own feelings onto her. 

her body is soft and warm when ross settles next to her, pulling her into his side and tucking her head under his chin. 

“you were deep in thought.” ross teases a bit, not ready to broach anything serious just yet. what he really wants to ask is about the record—how she’d somehow known his perfect gift before he figured it out himself. 

“just thinking about how good i am at gift giving,” she teases back. “matty was ecstatic.”

she's right but he can’t help but find a different meaning in her words. 

“that you are,” ross murmurs in her hair, resisting the urge to press a little kiss there. it’s too much for him—this intimacy. something like that might just tip him over the edge. 

for a while she doesn’t say anything and ross wonders if she’s fallen asleep. it’s quite late and they’re quite cosy, it won’t be the first time she's fallen asleep on him. maybe, if she is asleep, he might even press that kiss onto her head after all. 

“liv’s not here?” her voice breaks his train of thought. it’s not teasing anymore—she sounds neutral and controlled and… and like she’s trying not to pry. 

“we broke up.”

“what?!”

she almost shrieks and matty stirs slightly but goes back to sleeping again. ross feels guilty for just dumping it on her without any context. 

“i’m so sorry,” she says before he has a chance to speak. “fuck, at a christmas party too! that sucks, love. are you alright?”

“it wasn’t like that. it was…” this is it, he thinks. his one chance to get it right. “i’m perfectly fine. i’m… i’m better than fine. it’s… well she–you… fuck okay!”

he cheeks grow warm. it’s worse now that she’s properly looking at his now, her face a mixture of concern and curiosity; that she’s now an attentive audience to his pathetic flustered words. 

“let me…” he takes a big deep breath and squares his shoulders. “okay. let me get this right. for the next, i don’t know, two minutes, you aren’t allowed to speak, okay? okay. so! liv and i talked.” the skepticism on her face grows and ross tries not to let it deter him. “the gift, the record—”

“was it not good?”

“oi! no speaking, remember? two minutes.” ross scolds lightly and almost laughs at her sheepish face. “as i was saying, the record. it wasn’t her idea, was it? i asked her how she knew and she told me you gave it to her. for me! why didn’t you… why didn’t you give it to me yourself?”

for all her talking a moment ago, now she seems speechless. so much so that she can barely meet his eyes. 

“it was a lovely gift, darling. maybe even one of the best and… i just want to know why, that’s all.”

her cheeks flush a subtle shade of pink, and she fidgets with the edge of the blanket. “i guess i wanted you to have something meaningful without making things awkward. i’d already bought the gift and i didn't want to complicate our friendship with something that felt so… personal, especially with liv being in the picture. and…fuck! if that’s what made you break up, i’m so sorry, i—"

“it didn’t,” he cuts her off firmly. ross can’t help but notice the small details of her face then—the tiny smudges of mascara from no doubt when she sleepily rubbed her eyes, the glitter on her eyelids reflecting the firelight. her big, beautiful eyes and dilated pupils. 

her slightly smudged lipstick…

fuck, it’s the tiny lipstick smudge on the corner of her lips that makes him lose his ability to think straight.

“we broke up because… well there’s someone else,” he speaks in a low volume. subconsciously, she leans forward. 

“someone else?”

the room falls into a heavy silence, broken only by the crackling fire. she waits, her eyes searching his face for any sign that he's joking or playing some elaborate prank. but the sincerity in his expression leaves no room for doubt.

“you’re my best friend,” he says, “and fuck, do i resent that! how am i… darling, how am i meant to pretend you’re just my friend when you’re the fucking focal point of my world?”

her breath catches so audibly that it’s almost a gasp. he waits for her to say something. anything. instead she leans in an presses her lips to his. 

it’s so unsure at first, almost like she freezes and her brain can’t figure out where to go next. the kiss lingers, soft and tentative—both testing the waters of something uncharted. ross's mind races, trying to process the warmth of her lips against his, the subtle taste of her lipstick. 

she pulls away before he’s even had the chance to kiss her back and hides her face in his chest. 

“oh god, that was too soon, wasn’t it! that was–you just broke up and i—”

“love, don't hide your face, don't…” his hands gently cup her flushed face, making her look up at him once again even when she can barely meet his eyes and in that moment he realises he’s never seen someone so beautiful. 

so this time when ross crashes his lips against hers, he makes sure to pull her closer. to hold onto her tightly. his arms are around her, her hands in his hair and oh she fits so perfectly in the crevices of his body. like a perfect puzzle piece. 

by the time they finally pull apart, slightly breathless and grinning uncontrollably, ross hears her giggle. 

“wow, that was my first kiss under a mistletoe…”

“we aren’t—”

“i know, but we’re next to one so it’s almost the same.”

he looks to where she’s pointing, to the little bunch tied above the fireplace. 

“we could do better, darling.”

“yeah?”

“mm-hmm,” he murmurs, stealing another quick kiss from her. “let me take you home.”

and she agrees in a heartbeat.

lemme know what you think <33

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[spilledmilkfkdies]

Dunno if anyone asked this but like…Wizard redemption arcs?

I’ve got my own takes on them as well for my rewrite:

-Orgon would never, too goal-oriented

-Anagan probs would through Flora

-Duman’s a 50/50, he’ll probs stick with his band

-Gantlos is a wild card arsonist but I believe he can do it, may take a lot of time though (90% of this is headcannon skcjskxjsk-)

But those are my takes what about yours?

Idk this is kinda hard because like?? Not to be a stinky wizard apologist I am, but I like a bit of "you both suck wtf happened here bro" in my planet history, which makes a clear cut redemption a bit more difficult ig?? Like in whose eyes are they being redeemed? The fairies' who were also very much morally bouncy? Or uh maybe the audience idk- I forgive em.

That being said though, depending on if you try to tackle the whole group at once or take it one at a time, it could both be interesting.

I've had thoughts where you have Ogron, Gantlos and Anagan: No Circle (object), no Duman, half their powers if not a quarter, washed up and heavily in mourning- At that point just. Talk to them. They're in no position for a full on revenge spree, they are SAD, they're weak. Either just leave them be or talk them into joining a cause for mutual and equal benefits, then if they ever do get back to full strength they'll simply not bother you again. Rough concept kinda, but yeah. Side note that in this timeline, if Duman does eventually claw his way outta the Gardenia grave, he's not going to be happy. Actually maybe giving the washed up wizards their Duman back would do all the work by itself? They'd show genuine gratitude and Duman wouldn't be allowed to be mad. Win win.

Then we have one by one, many many many possibilities there too. Like the best order? There isn't one. Several delicious routes, some more difficult than others. Play onto Gantlos following Ogron to the ends of the world, Anagan already having been mentally done with the hunt for ages- Does modern day Ogron care deeply enough about the others to put their well being and safety above their goals? Or at least more so than early days/in his prime Ogron who CANNOT relate. Again, don't put Duman last though. Cornered animal core fr I'm so serious. Which is where my pLANS COME IN- jkjk

[amistytown]

The Brothers Comfort MC During a Panic Attack

This is my first attempt at writing down my headcanons for the brothers, so I apologize if anything is out of character. I meant it to be short and sweet, but it grew out of my control after a while. I’m a perfectionist and wanted to rewrite everything. I made minor edits and am posting it anyway or it’ll sit in my drafts forever; I admit I put the most effort into Lucifer’s, forgive me. Also sorry for the repetitiveness and any typos you may find. I decided to write how the brothers would comfort MC during a panic attack, especially as someone who suffers from anxiety and panic attacks themselves. Honestly, I wrote this as a way to comfort myself since I’ve been dealing with terrible anxiety lately. Of course, everyone experiences anxiety differently, so I can only speak from my own experiences. I didn’t go into detail when it comes to the symptoms themselves because it’s from the point of view of the brothers and only so many are visible to the eye. Trigger warning for depictions of anxiety and panic attacks. Thank you for reading!

LUCIFER

Lucifer is troubled. Following lunch, you disappeared, currently absent from class. This is unlike you, his worry intensifying every minute you’re out of his sight. Yet he maintains his composure, resigning himself to scouring the academy grounds. Time passes at a torturous pace, his thoughts beginning to take a turn for the worst. He contemplates whether to involve his brothers and Lord Diavolo himself at this rate, however the sound of his D.D.D diverts his attention. A wave of relief washes over him at the sight of your name lighting up his screen, chased by frustration at you, your silence, and himself for losing track of you so easily; he couldn’t bear living if anything happened to you under his watch. He expects this behavior from his brothers, not you. Though his heart sinks, the Avatar of Pride uncharacteristically overcome with guilt while he reads your message. Of course, you are not his brothers. He should not have doubted you.

Your texts are apprehensive, a weighty pause between them as you hesitate to lay bare the darkest depths of your soul. He approaches you cautiously, to avoid upsetting you further. Your words alone convey the sheer panic taking possession of you, the last of your strength used to press send. Outside he discovers you, huddled miserably in an isolated corner of the building, swathed in shadow. The desire to shelter you from the world burns within him, but your eyes widen fearfully in his presence, wounding his pride. Immediately, you apologize. Sorry you’re missing class, that you left without telling anyone, and upset him—especially when you’re aware of his busy schedule. You’re sorry for not having the courage to pull yourself together, succumbing to your anxiety, your shame palpable. The hand clutching your D.D.D is trembling, your chest heaving as you struggle to breathe. He aches for you, each tear shed hurting more than the last, your pain managing to touch the very core of his being and set him alight.

If anyone is sorry, it’s him, pride be damned. Kneeling in front of you, he assures you an apology isn’t necessary—your wellbeing of great importance to him. He wants you to rely on him, grateful you confided in him despite your doubts. Hopefully, he can eventually put your mind at ease. His voice low, soothing, he continues to console you, making sure you’re aware he’s not upset, and your feelings are valid. Although he’s not familiar with the inner workings of anxiety itself, he’s willing to listen, learning how to support you to the best of his ability—starting today, providing you’re comfortable accepting his offer. Initially, he prioritized your safety for the sake of the exchange program and Lord Diavolo’s wish to unite the three realms, now it’s merely out of adoration for you, his beloved. Once you’re ready, he’ll let you know you’re not alone. He’s never too busy on your behalf. 

Offering you his hand, a smile graces his features as you accept. Slowly, he helps you to your feet, steadying you against him. He notes the way you relax at his touch, shoulders sagging and head coming to rest on his chest. Only you exist in this moment, his gaze not leaving you, not even for a second. Standing in silence until your breathing settles and you regain your balance, he sees you through the height of your attack before escorting you back to the House of Lamentation. He’ll personally excuse you from the remainder of your classes, understanding you need a quiet place to recover. Classical music plays softly in the background of his room, and he’s content to have you in his embrace, drawing you onto his lap after you finish the tea he brewed to calm your nerves. Lucifer pays you special attention, massaging your tired body and kissing you tenderly, his breath fanning across your lips as he reminds you how special you truly are—brave, compassionate, and incredibly loved.

MAMMON

Mammon mourns his loss, wondering how he let them gain the upper hand; admittedly, a foolish mistake on his part. He dreads breaking the news to Lucifer, and the resentment that shows on his brothers’ faces once he confesses does little to ease his mind. Still, he worries about your reaction most of all, knowing his stupidity has put you in a precarious position. In that moment he believes their words—only a greedy scumbag like himself dares to place his human’s happiness on the line. Although certain of his win at the time, he should consider how his actions affect you more often; otherwise, how can he claim he’s the Great Mammon? His confidence is his downfall in the end. Now you’ll suffer along with him. Yet you feign optimism, attempting to soothe everything over despite your innocence. His guilt only grows, a heavy weight on his shoulders. One he deserves.

Three days of waiting on and performing for large crowds at The Fall proves hectic for everyone. He can tell you’re struggling beneath the façade of a composed and hospitable server, going above and beyond to ensure the patrons leave satisfied. Furthermore, you lend him and his brothers a hand, coming to their rescue; it should be him making it as easy on you as possible. His concern for you runs deep, no matter how hard he tries to maintain his usual air of indifference, but you have the nerve to reassure him—it’s meant to be the opposite, dammit. Each night he goes out of his way to check on you, frustrated that you continue to dance around the subject. He can see the exhaustion on your face, hear the slight tremor in your voice, the toll his stupid decision is taking on you, and it stung. You comfort him, even when he’s undeserving, so why won’t you allow him to hold you and kiss the pain away? Not that he’s asked. You should realize by now you can rely on him, right?

Watching you suffer in silence tortures him. He can’t deny it regardless of his best effort to make light of the situation. You barely eat or spend time outside your room, saying you’re tired, which isn’t a lie—working is exhausting, no doubt about it—but he understands you well enough to notice the subtle signs of your anxiety, your smile unable to trick him into believing otherwise. Perhaps you find him as insufferable as his brothers do, or worse, and don’t want to see his face after what he’s done. That doesn’t stop him from showing up at your door, hoping he can offer some form of comfort. However, you keep up appearances, supporting the seven of them during the longest weekend of their lives. You work hard too, his chest swelling with pride as he watches you care for his brothers and customers alike. How can you like an idiot like him? You’re selfless and loving, looking past his flaws to see what lay beneath his sin. His human. His angel. He wants—no needs—you to be okay.

The last day comes and goes in a blur. Finally, he can toss these ridiculous clothes and rabbit ears in the trash and never perform that dance again. Better yet, you’re free of his burden, though the guilt remains. He can’t relax until he’s positive you’re okay, knowing he’s genuinely sorry. Standing outside your room, he tries to muster up the courage to open his heart to you—apologies not his strong suit—when he hears you crying. They’re small, muffled sobs that manage to shake him to his core, blood running cold. Yeah, he should knock, but he can’t control himself, throwing the door open without hesitation and rushing to your side. The sight of your tears is almost too much to bear, and he draws you into his embrace, face heating up at his own moment of vulnerability, but this is about you, not him. He can be strong for you too, telling you everything’s going to be okay, that the Great Mammon is here to help.

After his stupidity, you tell him you were afraid to bother him? He can hardly suppress the shock at your confession, the sadness in your eyes breaking his heart. You wanted to make sure it went smoothly for his sake? You suffer through Hell alone because you chose to put his feelings first? Crazy. Though he thanks you, not completely ashamed to admit he’s touched. However, he tells you that you don’t have to put aside your feelings for his benefit; he prefers to be by your side then know you’re having a rough time on your own. He is your first. Taking the initiative, he asks what he can do to make it up to you, no matter how big or small the request is because he’ll do it in a heartbeat. You opt to stay in his arms, burying your face into his chest, and he wipes away your remaining tears, being as gentle as he possibly can. He can feel how tense your body is, your skin unnaturally warm, and it takes a while until you stop shaking. It’s moments like these he’ll tell you how much you mean to him—that he loves you, okay—and he wants you to come to him for everything. He’ll hold you, taking your hand in his, and kiss you with all the adoration in the world because you’re incredibly important to him. Mammon can attest to that.

LEVIATHAN

Leviathan invites you to his room to play video games, a daily routine the two of you have comfortably fallen into. He loves gaming with you, though on occasion you opt to watch instead, thoroughly enthralled by whatever is on the screen. Miraculously, you enjoy listening to him ramble—whether it’s about the game he’s playing, anime he’s watching, or TSL among other things—genuinely showing interest in his passions; he’s incapable of expressing how truly grateful he is for your company. His heart nearly bursts whenever you compliment him on his gaming prowess, encourage him during a particularly intense battle, or merely tell him how you enjoy hanging out. How in the Devildom did a gross otaku like him get so incredibly lucky? He can hardly believe you love him of all demons. The thought alone sounds crazy lmao. 

Unable to contain his excitement, he awaits your arrival that night, ensuring everything is perfect when he hears a knock on the door. However, his smile fades the moment he lays eyes on you, mind beginning to race as he wonders why you look miserable, your gaze trained on your hands. Before he can speak, you apologize, dissolving into tears while you return the game he let you borrow. You’re stuttering, completely winded, and he can barely hear you confess to accidentally corrupting his data in your panic. In fact, he loses track of the number of times you choke out a sorry. He treasures his games, his collection extensive, but he cherishes you most of all. The loss is a minor annoyance, nothing that lessens the feelings he harbors for you. Although difficult, he overcomes his insecurities to show you it’s okay—you’re loved.

Not only are you sad, but you’re also terrified, a part of him wanting to destroy the game itself if it means you never have to experience the pain that torments you now. Regarding you carefully, afraid to make matters worse, he reassures you that he’s not upset—far from it, honestly—and that he cares about you more than any game. No stranger to your panic attacks, he reaches out to take your hand in his, hoping you find comfort in what he has to offer. And when you finally glance up, hope shining in your tear-filled eyes, he can’t help but wrap you in his arms. A warmth spreads across his face, heart pounding in his ears, but he knows you need him, allowing his body to relax around yours.

Holding you against him, he tells you everything’s all right, stuttering out how he loves you and, most importantly, wants to you to feel better. Your arms circle around his waist, causing his heart to jump into his throat, but he only pulls you closer. You’re his Henry, and what friend is he if you can’t rely on him? Leviathan is understanding, wanting you to come to him for support at your most vulnerable. Now he puts his knowledge to the test, easing you into his room with continuous words of affirmation. You always know how to console him at his lowest, and he hopes he can return the favor. If anyone deserves to feel loved it’s you, who brought joy into his otherwise bleak world, and he’ll sit with you every day and night if you need him to. 

SATAN

Satan knows he shouldn’t be awake, though he finds it difficult to satiate his curiosity as he peruses the books lining his shelves. He barely registers the sound of his D.D.D, reluctant to put the book aside to see who’s messaging him at this ungodly hour; Asmodeus most likely. His tune changes after he sees your name lighting up his screen, his annoyance replaced with worry. He knows you struggle, especially at night, but he can tell you’re hesitant to reach out. Nevertheless, you gradually begin to confide in him, his patience limitless if you’re concerned, and he feels a sense of relief that you choose to trust him at your most vulnerable instead of suffering on your own. Pouring over every book he can locate on anxiety, he studies it religiously, engraining each page into his memory. Not by giving unsolicited advice—he doesn’t want to make that mistake twice—but by comforting you the best he can, even if it simply means to stay by your side, waiting for the panic to pass.

A second later, he appears at your door, gaze softening as your eyes meet. In the darkness of your room, he can tell how exhausted you are. You apologize for bothering him, particularly this late, but he dismisses you with a shake of his head and a reassuring smile, sitting beside you on the bed. It saddens him that you feel the need to, but he’s familiar enough with anxiety by now that he understands how much of a manipulative monster it truly is; if only he can destroy it with his own two hands, strangling the life out of it so it no longer taints that innocent soul of yours. To watch you struggle fills him with a rage that he forces deep within himself, fully aware anger isn’t the answer no matter how great his desire to protect you is. So, he cups your face in his hands, your skin warm beneath his fingers as he strokes your flushed cheeks and presses your foreheads together. 

Focus on him, he tells you, the steady rhythm of his breathing, and his voice while he whispers words of love and encouragement. He never tires of letting you know how beautiful and strong you are, that he’s always here for you and loves you—all of you. You unravel in his arms, opening your heart up to him, and he listens intently, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips the moment you look uncertain. You’re not a burden he promises, hoping one day you’ll believe it yourself, but he’ll remind you every chance he gets; forever if he must. It’s worth it in the end, when you relax against him and smile, kissing him in return. Slowly, the anxiety leaves your body, Satan thankful that the waves of panic have receded enough to let you rest your weary mind. He remains next to you, pulling you down to lay your head on his chest and closing your hand in his, entwining your fingers. He’s content here with you, watching you fall asleep and chasing away the nightmares.

ASMODEUS

Asmodeus loves shopping, but he loves shopping with you most of all. The day is bright with you by his side, and he can’t help but buy you clothes and matching accessories to bring out your inherent charm. Your potential is endless, and he gushes over how gorgeous you are, unable to contain his excitement when your cheeks turn a beautiful shade of pink in return. He can hardly control himself around you, gaze fixated on your every movement and heart racing each time you flash him one of the sweetest smiles he’s ever seen; your very soul seeming to shine through and blind him. Nothing prepares him for the love he feels for you, but he considers it a welcome surprise, his desire to grow closer to you intensifying day after day. You captivate him, the Avatar of Lust of all demons. What an exciting turn of events!

Of course, he attracts attention wherever he goes, posing for pictures with adoring fans and basking in the compliments constantly thrown his way; nothing new, but he enjoys it, nonetheless. Who can resist the allure of his very presence? However, anger wells within him at the sight of you being shoved to the side, falling to the ground and lost to the crowd that has gathered. Their words of flattery fall on deaf ears as he rushes to you, throwing a heated glance at the lowly demon who dares to touch his darling human. He desires nothing more than to punish them for such an injustice, but the fear in your eyes tells him otherwise. By the time he scoops you up into his arms you’re trembling from head to toe, and he can feel your heart pounding against him. A part of him places the blame on himself, an unfamiliar feeling, but he chooses to ignore it for now, focusing on getting you home in your worsening state.

In the peace and quiet of his room, he sits you on the bed, wrapping you in his arms as he affectionately runs his fingers through your hair. He can tell you’re upset—in an absolute state of panic by the looks of it—and all he can do is hold you through it, quietly asking what you need and willing to answer your every beck and call if it means that adorable smile graces your features once more. For a moment he considers seeking out Lucifer, worried something has gone terribly wrong, but thankfully you find your voice, mumbling into his chest about anxiety and panic attacks, that you’ll be fine—eventually—and are sorry for ruining your date. He doesn’t understand completely, though he knows you need him, promising to stay by your side for as long as you want. Kissing your cheek, he assures you there’s no need to apologize to him, your safety more important than anything else; the demon who laid his hands on you won’t go without punishment either.

Admitting a bath helps calm you down, he prepares one for you, steam rising from the surface and the heady scent of roses filling the air. Together you slip into the water, enveloped by its warmth, and he hums in contentment as you lean into him, his arms coming to rest around your waist. He watches you carefully, making sure you’re able to relax and preparing himself in case you call on him; he’ll do anything for you if it brings you the happiness you deserve. Your eyes flutter close, Asmodeus showering you with delicate kisses, comforted by the fact your breathing has levelled out and you appear a lot calmer than before. The day didn’t go as planned, and he hopes to make it up to you, vowing that no one else will hurt you on his watch. He loves himself. He loves his brothers. But loves you most of all.

BEELZEBUB

Beelzebub notices you haven’t touched your dinner and is beyond happy the moment you offer your plate to him. Yet he can’t bring himself to enjoy the food in front of him while you excuse yourself from the table, eyes downcast and voice quiet, the usual smile gone from your face and leaving behind an emptiness that rivals his own hunger. His mouth waters at the thought of seconds, but his concern for you grows, and he decides to follow you without question, disregarding the ravenous growl of his stomach. He catches you in the hallway, calling out your name. You turn to him, his brow furrowing in unease at the sight of your tears and the slight tremble of your lip. It hurts him to see you in obvious distress, and he earnestly offers his support.

The only sound is that of your sobbing. He desperately wishes to hold you tightly and rid you of your pain. However, he falters, studying you. Your gaze is trained on the floor, shoulders stiff with tension, and the color drains from your cheeks. When you speak, he’s surprised by how helpless you sound and the fact you’re trying to reassure him, putting his needs above your own although you’re struggling to hold yourself together. Fear flickers across your features at the echo of the brothers’ voices travelling up the stairs, and he mumbles out an apology as he carefully lifts you into his arms, cradling you to his chest. 

Before the others can round the corner, he hurries down the hall and slips into your room, determined to protect his vulnerable human. He notices you relax against him, your fingers curling into his shirt, and he can’t help but want to keep you close, relieved after you lean in closer to wrap your arms around his neck. Stroking your hair, he allows you to cry, his patience and love for you endless. Eventually, you mutter an embarrassed sorry, thanking him profusely, but he’s merely relieved you’re beginning to feel a bit better, reassuring you that you can always depend on him. 

Listening to you intently, he never breaks eye contact. You open up to him about your anxiety, his stomach twisting as you describe what you call a panic attack and how it wrecks you both mentally and physically. Beelzebub knows he has a lot to learn, but he expresses interest in understanding anxiety and, most importantly, how he can help you, so you don’t suffer alone. For the rest of the night, he keeps you company and eases you through the remainder of your attack, giving you plenty of hugs and rubbing your back in soothing circles until you no longer shake, and your heartbeat returns to its usual pace.

BELPHEGOR

Belphegor enjoys the time you spend together, especially when the two of you are alone. He asks you to accompany him in the attic, and it’s not long before he curls around you, falling into a peaceful sleep as he listens to the steady beat of your heart. However, when he awakes it’s to the sound of your soft cries in the dark, which fill him with a fear he can’t seem to shake. Without hesitation he’s at your side, sitting up to softly place a hand on your shoulder and ask you what’s wrong. The sadness in your eyes as you glance up at him, tears staining your cheeks, tugs at his heartstrings. He can’t bear to see you upset.

Once he realizes you’re having a panic attack, he’s attentive to your needs, cradling you in his arms as you cry into his chest. You confided in him about your struggles with anxiety after you fell to pieces in front of him months ago. A part of him understands, the loss of Lilith haunting him throughout the years and instilling a similar feeling of unease within him, especially when his nightmares seem to blur the line between reality and the painful memories of his past. You always came to his rescue and now it’s his turn to comfort you in your time of need. Sleep can wait.

With you in his embrace, he brings you down to relax against the pillows, pulling the blanket around your shivering form. You rest your head on his shoulder, and he gently brushes the remaining tears from your face, whispering words of love and reassurance. He listens to you when you’re comfortable to talk, the slight tremble of your voice causing him to draw you closer and press a kiss to your forehead. Belphegor tells you he’s here for you—forever—and although he’s still learning about anxiety and finding the best ways to comfort you during an attack, he wants you to depend on him no matter what. Even if that means you wake him up in the middle of the night. He won’t rest until he knows you’re okay, and you’re peacefully sleeping in his arms.

[xwonderlandresidentx]

I forgot to say some stuff in my last Miraculous post, so here's a part 2 of things I would've done if I were writing Chloe's character!!

First, I forgot to say anything about Ms. Bustier gradually becoming Chloe's primary maternal role model! That's kinda important to my concept, I can't believe I didn't write that down, but uh... yeah. Sprinkle that in for some extra growth, starting at Zombizou. Chloe opening up to her, admitting her faults, and feeling genuinely happy with that hug were important moments for her, and I think should definitely be expounded on. Despite being the complete opposite of her mother, Chloe clearly admires and appreciates Ms. Bustier, so she's already proved to be a positive influence on her.

As well as Mayor Bourgeois and Audrey eventually getting a divorce. Not so the mayor and Ms. Bustier can end up together, I just think his relationship with his wife is toxic, and he and his daughters would be better off without Audrey's influence. Maybe she could chill out and realize that she needs to be less terrible after her ex husband and kids finally stop putting up with her crap. Or maybe she could run off to New York again, and not come back. Either way works for me since I don't particularly care about Audrey having character growth, as long as her toxic behavior stops burdening her family.

It would be nice if Chloe and Zoe had a healthy relationship with their mom, but if that were to happen I imagine it as a sort of post-series epilogue, adult life thing. Again, Audrey's character growth within the series doesn't really matter to me. I actually think trying to develop her character too much would distract from the more important characters and plot.

And I also wanted to add that I think Luka would make a good love interest for Chloe. I think their personalities would balance each other nicely.

Chloe would benefit from a guy who's patient, levelheaded, and with a strong moral code. Someone who will make an effort to understand her, and gently keep her in check. This fits Luka to a tee, and with her connection to Adrien there's precedent for her being attracted to those traits. Plus she did say he was cute.

I think Luka would honestly benefit from someone more aggressive. Because he's so easy going he can be a bit complacent, so I think being with someone confident, willing to take the initiative, willing to call out people who're taking advantage of his kindness, and able to push him to be more assertive would be good for him.

Having both been superheroes gives them common ground and shared experiences (although they wouldn't know that until much later), and in their civilian lives they can relate to each others' struggles with trying to reconcile with an estranged parent.

And their color schemes are complimentary, same as Marinette and Adrien, so the symbolism is there.

I imagine this romance would have hints starting about midway through Chloe's arc, with them (Chloe mostly) possibly being a bit flirty as Queen Bee and Viperion and bonding over family drama in their civilian lives, and then become official post redemption, some time after Luka and Mari's breakup in Truth. At first Chloe would be a complete tsundere, with her inability to process real emotional connection and vulnerability and all, but then she'd slowly open up, and be a lot warmer towards him.

Plus, I think she'd be a good friend for Juleka for similar reasons as to why she'd be a good match for Luka. Chloe could be very helpful in pushing Juleka to be more confident, assertive, and help her learn to set healthier boundaries.

Here's the first post:

[mutants-and-soldiers]

The Proposition (Ch. 1)

summary || You've been thinking about Steve's proposal a lot. Part of you wants to decline but a bigger part of you wants what he's offering.

pairing || alpha!Steve x omega!Reader (Past alpha!Bucky x omega!Reader)

word count || 3,706

warnings || A/B/O, eventual smut, therapy talks, kink negotiation, lots of dialogue — 18+ ONLY//MINORS DNI

notes || I can't get this story out of my head, really! First chapter is all about setting up the smut so I apologize but I believe in talking things out. Thank you to everyone who commented on the first part of the series! I'm going to try and be better about answering comments from here on out! Keep the comments coming, I love hearing from you guys so much!

You can also read it on Ao3. Do not copy, translate, rewrite or repost any of my work, even if you credit me. I always welcome comments and reblogs!

Sequel to Helping Hands: One Two Three Four Five

Divider courtesy of the talented @firefly-graphics

After so many years of going to see Dr. Beta, you were used to the routine when you stepped through the doors. It was late in their work day so you were the only person in the office other than Valarie, the receptionist, who gave you a kind smile. “Good afternoon,” she said, typing something onto her computer. “Dr. Beta’s just about ready.”

“Thanks, Valarie,” you say, setting your bag down to take off your suit.

It had been weird the first time Dr. Beta had demanded you not wear the suit during your sessions. You protested but in the end, she won out. There were a lot of reasons for choosing a female-only office but this was the biggest one. They accommodate you so much just to make you feel welcome and safe in your own skin. It was one of the few places that you could take the suit off and feel comfortable.

The suit was just being zipped up into your bag when the door to the doctor’s office opened. Dr. Beta was a matronly middle aged woman with plenty of laugh lines and crow's feet from years of laughter and joy. She was a kind beta who had done wonders for your mental health and self esteem. Without her, you probably wouldn’t have gone through with the job proposal.

She called your name with a gentle smile, “You ready?”

“Yep,” you smiled, walking over to step into the room. The blinds were closed tight but there were several lamps around the space that allowed a soft light to keep it illuminated. The wooden diffuser was pumping out the soothing smell of lemon and sandalwood. Dr. Beta had always said the lemon helped cut the potency of your powers but you weren’t sure if that was true or if it was something she said to make you feel better.

The two of you settled into your usual spots before the doctor asks, “Anything new since we last saw each other?”

It had been a month since your last session. The milestone of going monthly instead of bi-monthly had been huge for you. There was a time that you saw her weekly, which was when you were at your lowest. You were glad to be where you were.

“Where do I even start?” you laugh, leaning casually back on the leather couch. The cold material felt nice on the bare skin that peeked out from your denim shorts and athletic tank top. “I’ve been meeting regularly with three guys to run with them every Tuesday and Thursday. We also go out for drinks and the game on Sunday.”

“Wow, that’s fantastic!” she gushed, genuinely excited for you. She even sat her clipboard and pen down to lean forward with her elbows on her knees. It was something she only did when you made some kind of...positive choice in your life. The way it made your chest swell with self pride was silly and kind of childish but the woman had always been extra motherly to you. “Clients?”

“One of them was,” you nod, trying to keep the flush of excitement from making you seem too eager. “They’re really nice guys and they invited me to start sparring with them next week after our runs.”

A gentle look crossed the doctor’s face that had you melting. It was a look that she gave when she was proud and the way your name came out of her mouth spoke volumes. “I’m so proud of you,” she said aloud even though you knew it by her body language. “It’s been a long time since you took time for yourself in your personal life. Are they on your level of martial arts?”

“Better!” you said, excited to have a good challenge.

“Better than you?” she laughed, sounding incredulous. “I’d have to see that to believe it!” You join her for the laugh. “Anything else?”

Your mind flutters to a certain blond and his proposition but decide to keep that to yourself for now. It wasn’t good for you to hide secrets from Dr. Beta and you usually didn’t, however, she would definitely encourage you to take him up on the offer. You didn’t think you were ready to come up with reasons (lies) for why you couldn’t do that yet.

“Not really.”

She nods, grabbing her clipboard to flip the paper. “Dr. Noland said you were going to get your heat early this time around. She said you mentioned you might know why?”

Damn it. You forgot how much the two doctors communicated between each other about your health. It was the program you were in and, while amazingly helpful, could be very annoying at times. Case in point, now you need to make a choice on whether to point blank lie to Dr. Beta or just tell the truth. Lying by omission was much more your style.

“Yeah,” you sigh, resigning yourself to the conversation. “The last client I helped had...intense pheromones. I think it may have kicked me into my heat cycle early.”

The doctor’s hazel eyes widened in shock, “Even with the suppressant you took?”

Nodding, you look away for a second. “The client was a super soldier,” you admit, running a hand through your hair in frustration.

Understanding blossomed on her face when she made a guess as to who you were talking about. “Well, that might do it, for sure,” she nodded, making a note. “Still, I’m going to have Dr. Noland change your suppressant just in case it’s not working.”

She stood up, going over to the cabinet behind her desk. She took out a large bottle, tossing it to you, that had heat vitamins in them. Another bottle was thrown your way full of pills specifically for healthy slick production. The last thing she came over with were a few vouchers for omega-centric energy drinks and heat-snacks.

“I know you hate this question but I am legally required to ask,” she chuckles. “Do you have someone you trust to help you through your heat?”

You hesitate. “No.”

Her head snaps up, hazel eyes pinning you to the spot. “You hesitated. You never hesitate,” she points out with far too much excitement. She sets the clipboard down, doing the lean again. “Do you have someone in mind?”

Well, the cat was out of the bag and now you couldn’t lie because she would never believe you now. “I was...propositioned,” you admit, feeling stupidly relieved that you had been honest with her. She had conditioned you so fucking well to feel better when you told the truth as opposed to lying. It had been a ‘bad coping mechanism’ you created during your childhood to gain some control of your otherwise uncontrollable life.

“By one of your new friends?” she asked, already getting the gist of the conversation. “Was it your client?”

“No, not my client but his...best friend,” you whisper, feeling a little embarrassed that you were having this conversation.

Dr. Beta is quiet for a moment, contemplating how to ask the question. “What’s the big deal then? Why not take him up on the offer?”

You cringe. “There are…a lot of reasons but I’m sure you’re going to make them seem like they’re not problems but things I’ve blown up in my mind.”

She laughs, shaking her head. “You know your feelings and worries are valid! I just help you see things in a more logical light. I think you should really talk this through with him but...would you like to practice with me?”

You bite your lower lip but give a heavy sigh when you realize there’s still nearly forty minutes left of your time with her. “Fine. It can’t hurt.”

You sat in the booth twitching with your napkin. You and the owner were good friends from back in your academy days so he allowed you to pay a certain amount for the whole rooftop terrace. It meant you could enjoy a meal with someone without having to wear your suit. You also got the same female server every time who knew your situation and didn’t care.

“Hey, sorry I’m late,” you heard a familiar voice say to your left.

Not really sure why, you stood up when he approached. He was wearing a thin blue zip-up jacket over a blue and white plaid button up shirt that was unbuttoned enough for you to see the white t-shirt he had under it. His jeans were dark and fit far too well around his massive thighs. A plain blue ball cap sat on his head and some fake glasses to help hide his identity. The smile he gave you was enough to make your preheat brain purr.

It took you by surprise when his big arms wrapped you up in a hug that smothered you in his masculine scent. Your hands touched his back, hugging him hesitantly. The squeeze lasted a little longer than you expected, just enough for your head to be perfectly swimming in his pheromones.

You pulled away when he did, allowing him to sit at the far side of the table, facing towards the rest of the area. He had insisted that you come without your suit so it was the least you could do to keep the waitress from noticing his erection.

“It’s okay, I ordered some water for us,” you smile, genuinely happy to see him. It wasn’t often that you saw any of the three men individually. They usually hung out in a pack and you were happy to know that you fit into the group pretty well. “Get whatever you want, Steve. It’s my treat.”

He gave you a look. “I would prefer it if you let me pay.”

Your heart gave a hard thump in your chest. There was something about the way he said it that was just short of a command. You look into his blue eyes, trying to gauge his intent before setting down the menu. “Is this some old-fashioned pride I see leaking through?” you tease, giving him a mischievous grin.

“No, I just figure it was only right that I buy you lunch before helping you with your heat,” he said so casually it made your face heat.

“What makes you think I’m going to agree?!” you laugh loudly.

There is a knowing glint in his eyes that makes your stomach flip. “Isn’t that why we’re here? Alone?” he questioned easily, looking up just as Julia came to the table.

“Welcome back,” she greets you, setting two empty glasses and a pitcher of water down on the table. “My name’s Julia.”

“Nice to meet you Julia,” Steve responded with a neutral smile. It caught you a little off guard because it...definitely wasn’t the smile he gave you. Was it just part of his disguise?

You both ordered a beer and your entrees. It wasn’t until Julia walked away that you focused back on the alpha across from you. He was already looking at you with an intense expression. You feel like he’s basically prying into your soul.

“I...spoke with my therapist yesterday and…” you start, finding it very hard to talk about this kind of thing. It was so easy to soothe your clients but so hard to give yourself a break. “She...convinced me to talk with you about my...worries.”

His expression softens a bit. “I’m willing to work with you,” he soothes, reaching out to take your hand. His fingers curled around yours, warm and solid. “Tell me everything.”

You take a deep breath. “I’m not afraid of hurting you,” you blurt out. “You can take me even on your worst day. I’m...embarrassed to count myself among the small population of omegas that go...feral during their heat. I...fight my partner. Dr. Beta says it's because of the trauma I experienced. Trauma doesn't just disappear during heat...it gets worse. I’m just not the usual kind of docile omega that society seems to exemplify.”

He looks up to alert you that Julia was returning with your drinks. He didn’t speak until she was back inside the building. “Truthfully, I’m actually more intrigued than put off by the notion,” he finally said after taking a sip of his beer. “Do you fight the whole time or just in the beginning?”

It wasn’t a line of questioning that you expected so you gaped at him like a fish out of water for a few seconds before finding your words. “I don’t...know,” you admit sheepishly, sipping your hard cider. “I’ve only been with one alpha during my heat and he had to go to the hospital a few hours into it.”

Something dark and tempting flashed through the blond’s eyes. “How do you feel about restraints?”

Your core throbbed at the simple question. It probably showed on your face because his smile started to widen in understanding. “Yes, that’s fine,” you breathe, trying not to think too hard about the implications.

“Would you prefer to do this at your house or in my suite?” he asked as if you had already agreed to the whole thing.

Your mind screamed at you to say decline. It was dangerous and there were so many things that could go wrong. Your omega brain though had already bought into the whole thing. You wanted this big, powerful alpha to hold you down and take you in the most forceful of ways. You wanted him to restrain you to your nest and have his way with you until the heat fog cleared.

“Wait, wait,” you say, trying to finish your thoughts before deciding anything. “I’m serious when I say I’m insatiable. I don’t have any refractory period between one wave and the next.”

Julia opens the door, alerting you both that she was coming out with food. You both wait until everything is set and she walks away before continuing. The food smells delicious so you grab the burger and bite into it. You always craved red meat before your heat so when the flavors burst across your taste buds, you hum in appreciation.

Steve took a few bites of his own meal before responding. “The super soldier serum makes it so I don’t have any refractory period,” he shrugs casually with a smile. “I’ve never met someone who could keep up with me so...I’m interested to see if you can. Any other worries?”

Heat blossoms across your cheek and in your chest. “I don’t want our friendship to be jeopardized,” you finally admit after finishing half of your burger. You grab some of the fries and eat them while thinking.

“Did helping Bucky keep you from being friends with him?”

“No, of course not,” you sigh, running out of excuses. Dr. Beta had been right, talking with him had definitely made you a little more comfortable with the idea. “Fine, okay, I accept your offer.”

“My place or yours?” he asks with a genuine smile.

You mull over the question for a bit before shrugging. “I have all of my nesting supplies at my house so we can do it at mine,” you chuckle, feeling a little nervous but excited too.

He nods. “Do I need to bring any supplies? Snacks or drinks?”

The two of you continue talking about the logistics of your heat while you finish the food. It makes you feel a lot better knowing you wouldn’t have to go through with it alone. You had already taken the initiative to send a message to all of your clients to let them know you would be out for your heat. You even went ahead and took an extra week just for yourself.

After you pay and you have your layers back on, the two of you stand outside the doors to the restaurant. You don’t want to leave him, truthfully. He smelt so good and you were so close to your heat that it was hard to separate from him. “Thanks for talking with me,” you smile despite the bonnet covering everything but your eyes. “I’ll give you a text when I’m ready.”

“Of course, thanks for lunch,” he chuckles, leaning down to kiss your forehead through the layers. “Here, take this for your nest.”

He shucked his jacket and offered it. Your hand reaches out to take it slowly. “Thanks but this might just push me into it faster,” you laugh brightly, holding the large jacket close to your chest. You could smell the scent of him even through all of your layers. It made your head foggy.

“That’s the idea,” he smirked, turning towards the tower with a wave. “Just let me know when you want me to come over.”

You watch him walk away, eyes lingering on the way his biceps stretched the fabric of his shirt and down until you stared at his toned ass in those jeans. It was obvious how close you were to your heat when sweat started to form along your temples and slick started to dampen your panties.

Once you got back home, you arranged your snacks and vitamins on the counter so they were easy for Steve to find. He might need to feed you for the first few waves because you weren’t sure if you’d be coherent or not. Then you went into your extra bedroom that you used for your heats and started getting it ready.

You pulled out all of your slick-resistant pillows, cushions and blankets from the closet to make a nest on your king sized bed. It was a nice four post bed that had your mind in dark places. All you could think about was being restrained with cuffs around one of those posts while Steve fucked into you.

It didn’t take long before you needed a pad for all of the fucking slick that was making everything so annoying. The nest took a lot longer that you would like to admit because it just didn’t seem...right. You’d never had this kind of issue before but your omega brain wanted Steve to be comfortable and happy too.

Looking back at the closet, you debated on whether or not you wanted to pull out the box of toys. You weren’t sure if Steve would want them or need them or…

“Fuck it,” you mutter, grabbing your phone to send the alpha a quick text. Toys or no toys?

You were adding his jacket to your nest when your phone vibrated in your pocket. Instead of the one or two word answer that you expected, it was...something else.

Definitely toys. I’ll enjoy teasing you until you’re begging for my knot.

Fuckin’ hell! Was this the same blond with the surprisingly boyish face that you had met during lunch today? The same guy that Sam teased about being an old virgin?

You didn’t think the pad was going to hold up to all of the slick that gush from you at the text. How does one respond to a text like that? You grabbed out the delicate pink box out of the closet, wincing at the color because it was the only color that the shop had to store your toys. Omegas were feminine right?! They liked pink, right?!

Laughing at yourself, you set the box on the little table in the room. You opened the lid and set it to the side so you could look at your assortment of toys. It was a collection you started when your first heat hit you at sixteen. You had been a late bloomer because of your constant martial arts training, which stilted your omega hormones.

It had all the necessities and even some extras. You had your typical knot dildo, a vibrator, a clit vibe, a few different types of condoms for when you weren’t in your heat, a bottle of lube that encouraged slick production, a bottle of regular lube, and a few different sized anal plugs. The last few were just because you enjoyed the feeling of being full when having sex.

Quickly you took a picture of the box and sent it to Steve as a reply. It was the best you could come up with. You had never really been good at those kinds of things. Well, you’d never had someone try and sext you.

Happy that everything was prepared, you cuddled under your fuzzy blanket in your nest. Comfort flooded through you as you nuzzled into the man’s jacket, deeply taking in his scent. It was nice and musky and made you feel warm and safe.

The phone buzzed. You’re okay with anal during your heat?

Your pheromone idled brain made you giggle, “Consent is important,” before you could text him back. Yes, I like being stuffed full.

It didn’t even register how inappropriate the text sounded before you hit send. You were obviously a lot further along than you had previously thought. The subtle throb of your core was starting to get worse but you weren’t too far gone to see his last text.

Good to know. Get some rest. Need me to come out and check on you before dark?

You groaned as a cramp hit your pelvis, slick becoming an issue. It simultaneously hurt and felt good. You were so distracted that you couldn’t answer the text message. Everything was suddenly too hot so you threw off your clothing, slipping your hand down to brush against your clit. It was already so sensitive it hurt but you needed relief.

It wasn’t enough and you knew that it would be futile to try and get yourself off with just your fingers but your brain wasn’t working. You groaned helplessly as the lackluster orgasm washed over you. It wasn’t enough, so frustratingly not enough. Sweat dripped down your cheek from your hairline making you kick off the blanket so you could turn over.

You didn’t care how it looked with your ass up because the scent of Steve on the jacket helped clear your head a little. It made your core throb but it also helped you become coherent. Enough so that you grabbed the phone and typed in a one word response that only said:

Now.

Credits for the pictures in Moodboard:

Unsplash photographers:

1. Kelly Sikkema

2. Vulkan Olmez

3. Toa Heftiba

Like, comment and reblogs are always welcome! Thanks for reading!

[rwbybutincorrect]

I have some suggestions for your RWBY pokemon AU

I think Absol makes more sense as a pokemon either for Ruby, or, what I think is more fitting, for Qrow. Absol in the pokemon world is considered a harbinger of disaster because of its ability to sense oncoming calamities, and Qrow considers himself a bad luck charm and his weapon is called Harbinger, so I can imagine it being like, his signature pokemon, and maybe Ruby, wanting to emulate her Uncle, catches one for herself.

I also think Ruby and Yang's starters make more sense swapped around, Blaziken fits more with Yang (a hot headed fighting type) rather than Incineroar (a Dark type meant to emulate Heels in wrestling I.e the bad guys). Incineroar also fits better with Ruby's v1-v3 colours, though I also don't think a fire starter would fit Ruby, I think Sceptile fits more, as it's a fast pokemon that uses its leaves on its arms as blades, which I think fits Ruby better.

I'd also pick Rosarade over Florges but that's just my purrsonal preference.

Now for Weiss, my only suggestion  would be changing Corvinkight with something else, and I'm thinking Glaceon. I love the idea that Weiss as a child finds an injured Eevee in the large family garden and secretly takes care of it, but her father finds out and forces her to take it back to the wilds, but while out there it saves Weiss from several Beowolves and in the artic climate evolves into a Glaceon which Weiss then adopts.

Blake, id replace Absol with Greninja for aesthetic, but otherwise I would change Gallade's past, Ralts' only show themselves to trainers with strong positive emotions, so I can't see Adam ever having one, but I like the idea of maybe Blake and Yang being helped during the forest exam at Beacon by two Ralts/Kirlia's who they then take (Yang saying its the sign of their new partnership), and otherwise I would change Gallade for Gardevoir for Blake and have Gallade be Yang's pokemon, since it's a pokemon with strong morals and I feel fit Yang better.

Now for Yang, and other than the previous suggestions of Blaziken and Gallade as hers, I would replace Tyrantrum with Hitmontop, storywise I'd say that, when she's recovering post Beacon and on her way back from visiting Summer's grave, she encounters a Tyrouge rushing headfirst into fighting a stronger pokemon and getting seriously hurt, so Yang saves it and takes it home to recover. Despite all its injuries it still insists on training, Tai seeing this starts encouraging Yang to train with it, hoping it'll help her out. As both Yang and the Tyrouge bond and train, learning not to rush headfirst into battles and to adopt a more balanced fighting style, it evolves into Hitmontop to symbolise Yang's recovering and training.

And thats just RWBY, I have plenty of suggestions for JNPR, Sun, Ilia, Adam, Salem's forces, STQR, the Ace-Ops, Happy Huntresses and Neo~

--------

submitted by @ladydevoir thank you :EYES:

[for reference, this is about this post]

treating this like an ask because i assume that's why you submitted it, because of the text limit but :EYESY:EYES:EYES

my choice of absol for blake is because i knew about the lore implications of absol and thought it would be a tragic detail if an absol appeared before her trying to protect her from the travesties she's repetitively had to face. i might give one to qrow anyway because I'm not afraid of duplicates!!! i didn't think about any supporting adult pokemon teams quite yet!

i will be honest, the blaziken choice for ruby was mostly self indulgent :3 i love chickens and blaziken's aesthetic. notable moments in the anime stuck with me, like during xy's series when there was a vigilante "blaziken man" protecting luminous city - that's a big reason why i chose it for her, that kind of over the top kind of heroism i thought worked. as opposed to incenroar who fights dirty. early in rwby, yang is a very backhanded and not exactly noble kind of hero. just look at the "yellow" trailer, fucking shit up for self motivated reasons (good for her.) i thought it fit her! --- but i can absolutely see what you're saying with sceptile, that is another favorite of mine and i'd love to see her with a sceptile that could mega evolve!

roserade, yeah i can see that fitting too! i forget it exists sometimes- my bad - and i like the grass type a little bit more to some extent than the fairy type because ruby has less of an association to the balance of nature~ that fairies do

i like the glaceon idea a lot too!!! the concepts of potential and direct reflection of her cold home - not to mention it's my second favorite eeveelution :D corviknight, yeah, it's my weakest link and i wanted to add it purely on the basis i'd like the snow queen to have her knight - but i think a glaceon would be much cuter, considering she already has plenty of stand ins for her glyphs!

I'm also interested about the greninja for the aesthetic! I'm not all that attached to the kalos starters so i tend to forget about them a lot more, i leaned on the "dark" type for blake but definitely didn't consider the. actual ninja pokemon. but i also tried to hold off on giving her a proper starter because in this little hc concept of mine, starters come specifically from pre-huntsmen schools (like signal in yang and ruby's case). i liked having the narrative of some students being "othered" by lacking starters - a visual tool when displaying their teams that they didn't have the opportunity to start where others did. not to say greninja couldn't have been a wild encounter or something else - fun to think about and really fits!

i DID not know about the kirlia lore though, i thought it was pretty weak when i was coming up with it and that is so interesting to know. i enjoy the idea of a pokemon switching allegiances from adam to protect blake but with this new information, I'll probably rewrite it in a way where the bee duo's ralts evos are more exclusive to them :3 i do like your idea of switching them, though, i tried to switch them to divert expectations, right (yang being a bit more masc than yang yet having a gardevoir, blake having the more showmanshy evo) but i might switch them. or i can just say the pokemon are practically shared and will switch up who they're paired with by their own choice. gf things <333

the hitmontop concept is really interesting for yang! it really does fit her - and i never paid attention to the line because, i will be honest, it never aesthetically pleased me, but narratively it works super well. i liked tyrantrum because i loved giving yang dragons and i also thought if she restored a tyrunt herself, it would be a nice indication of yang's genuine intelligence and wisdom. i don't like people boiling her down to a bimbo, haha funny stupid lesbian, but i feel like people also fail to recognize her genuine technical and social intelligence that she's portrayed throughout the series. then again, a hitmontop could show that emotional and protective instinct and intelligence she carries. it's sweet!! I'm torn!!!

AAAAANYWAY LONG STORY SHORT thank you so much for your opinions!!! i love the feedback and second opinion. i did a little bit of brainstorming with few friends in our discord server and its nice to hear an unrelated voice's takes!

feel free to send us more ideas if you'd like!!! :D as of right now I'm working on (the original) jnrp's post, and have penny, oscar, roman, neo, emerald, mercury, and cinder's teams planned! (I'm not sure how to section them off atm so their posts are coming later!) I'm curious to hear your ideas for when i get around to these other characters

[pfreadsandwrites]

Kakashi NSFW Alphabet

18+ CONTENT AHEAD - NO MINORS - ANY MINORS CAUGHT INTERACTING WITH THIS POST WILL BE BLOCKED

Okay, attempt 2 - That’ll teach me to try ever posting from the mobile app. This is a rewrite from scratch and I’m way too tired to reread and see if it makes sense or if there are typos, it’s probably not a good thing this is longer than the original though.

No one asked for this, no one at all, and I know everyone’s done these but hey, it’s Kinktober, and you can never have too many Kakashi headcanons, right? Right? Right. I hope you enjoy these!! Goes without saying that these’ll be smutty. It’s also about 6.4k words. There is some real filth ahead, very nsfw, seriously, the thirst is so real. (I hate myself), so, this is 18+ only!

Also, I'm tagging @allthingskakashi​ because she asked me to (i really hope these aren’t disappointing)

Side note: This is all written from the view of an established relationship. I can kinda remember most of what I said, so these will be still be very long despite being a rewrite from scratch. Apologies for any rambles and tangents I might go on, since I was rewriting this, my brain got weird and tired, but I wanna take you through my thoughts. I’m also very concerned about keeping things in character and not self-indulgent/self-projecting of what the writer’s personally into so I won’t be doing that here... You’ll see what I mean as I go on. But I still wanna make it hot so i’ll try lol. I’m new to writing but I’m even newer to writing dirty stuff so i’ll try my best. And with this post goes my dignity

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Straight after sex is one of the rare times where Kakashi feels completely at ease and relaxed. He’s pensive, often quietly mulling over what you two have just been doing and trying to come to grips with it, his hands gently running through your hair or along your back. He’s probably at his most affectionate here too. Expect gentle, lazy caresses, little kisses here and there, soft, easy conversation. He might not always be the most talkative, but post-coitus is where you’ll most likely hear him say something earnest and romantic compared to other times. You’ve gotta understand, you’re a miracle, and you being in his arms is like heaven, but he can’t really believe it? But he’s also overwhelmed and tired to let it bother him too much, so he’s able to let his doubt and restraints go a little easier and just breathe. He feels safe, he feels at home and that’s a rare thing, so he’s really just happy to bask in the afterglow and the quietude of it all. It’s the safest, easiest thing in the world for the both of you.

If he’s been on the rougher side, he’ll definitely make sure you’re alright and be more gentle in comparison. and he’s generally more attentive than usual. He’s usually nice about cleaning you up, too, a gentleman lmao.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Kakashi quite likes his upper body, or his torso more generally. He’s lean and broad, but not in an overbearing or obvious way, and he really likes the reaction he gets when you actually do get to see him shirtless. He’s also a little sensitive on his back (and he doesn’t mind if you end up scratching it). But if you rub his shoulders or massage his back or chest, he’s putty in your hands.

When it comes to a partner? So the fandom seems to be consistent in thinking of Kakashi as an ass man, and I’m inclined to agree. He just loves to grab it, slap it, just look at it tbh or whatever, but even if you don’t think your ass is that great, there’s very high probability that he does anyway. But honestly I think he’d have a hard time picking a favourite part of your body.

Some other body parts he definitely loves that don’t get mentioned though: he just loves your waist and how it curves in and out into your hips. He’s mesmerised by it.

plz imagine Kakashi’s nice big hands running gently running along your waist while he thrusts into you deep and slow, your back arching and then they settle on your hips?

Also, he loooooves legs, how they feel wrapped around him, the soft thighs omg. When you wear stockings or heels or other things that accentuate them, ahajhfkaj have mercy on him. Also, wrists and ankles? They’re so pretty and delicate he’ll just grab them where he can. If you both are in some kinda position where he can, he’ll definitely give you lil ankle kisses. also wear an anklet to see him blush

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

So uh, I’m really doing this, huh?

Soooo hear me out. Kakashi’s diet is impeccable. I don’t take criticism here lmao, it’s been mentioned multiple times how much he hates deep fried stuff and sweets (yeah yeah he’s one of those weirdoes that enjoys healthy food most, Kakashi we get it) and he’s always feeding Naruto veggies (or trying to). My point? His cum would taste good, okay? Or at least, not strong or bad at all, very neutral if not good. (You have zero problems swallowing)

Also, he cums a pretty good amount. He tends to try and hold back his orgasm so when he does come it does build up. Coming inside you is his favourite, just the intimacy of it, of filling you like that.

But…. he’s pretty ashamed of it at first, but he does love coming on his partner. Whether it’s on your face (ughhhh when you lick up some of his cum around your mouth after a blowjob), or your breasts, or your back, or wherever tbh. He doesn’t know whether it’s the visuals, the eroticism of it or even a territorial aspect? He doesn’t wanna ponder it too much it’s just hot okay.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

So this one was hard… because, unpopular opinion, I don't see him as into anything too crazy or depraved?

But here’s what I came up with: he’s totally fucked in the Hokage’s office. It’s only a dirty secret because of how improper that is, how inappropriate it is that the man in charge of the whole village is having sex in the very epicentre of where he’s supposed to be doing that, when other Hokage have been in that room before him… but it’s also why he’s into it.

Also, he’ll die before he ever admits to you exactly how many times he’s jerked off to the thought of you. And after you got together into a pair of your panties when you were away and he missed you too much

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Short version: Kakashi’s not as experienced as you might think, but this doesn’t translate into lack of skill in any way.

The long version: Ahhh so I go back on forth on this but I’ma attempt to think this through here. Okay, so, fandom has generally two sides when it comes to Kakashi and this topic. He’s either the completely suave, smooth ladies’ man who has all the one night stands or on account of his issues he’s a passive, stuttering virgin who’s constantly flustered.

Neither of these are that accurate. So I do get ladies man Kakashi to a point. It comes from the fact that he is quite smooth? And women do seem to like him quite easily in the series. And Kakashi definitely has the capacity to be a charmer, and is quite good at flirting when his job requires it or it’s a stranger etc. He’s good at reading people and winning them over. This is more complicated when he’s faced with someone he’s attracted to, or that has the potential to mean something to him. He still might be charming, but he’s very good at using this to keep you further from him, so you can’t really get to know him or get close to him so it’s not quite the same. It’s his way of controlling the distance between you.

Now, when it comes to experience, I don’t think Kakashi’s incapable of using casual sex as some kind of a coping mechanism (it’s not the healthiest), but if he was going to do this, it’d be during the latter part of his ANBU years. I can see him having sex as just a means to forget and remember he’s alive, and quell an urge, with basically faceless partners, or maybe complete strangers on missions. This does make him feel even lonelier after a while though, and it’s not really what he wants. Eventually having sex with women he’ll never see again serves to make him more miserable, and I think by the time we see him at the beginning of the series he doesn’t really do this anymore. So I wouldn’t say he’s completely inexperienced sexually at least, though he definitely is romantically.

Generally after that, Kakashi’s gonna reserve sex for someone who he has a deep emotional and physical connection with, but God forbid he ever calls it what it is - a relationship. Basically, if he’s sleeping with you, he pretty much loves you whether he knows it or not. And if he’s comparing that to his past experiences, he really feels the difference and cherishes it all the more (but it still scares him and he won’t admit it to himself.

So here’s how I see it. There’s always been a sexual chemistry between him and you, and a physical and romantic attraction. But of course Kakashi is Kakashi so he does absolutely nothing about it and doesn’t want to let you do anything about it. Still, you’re surprisingly persistent, and you do become close to each other in a friendly capacity, in whatever way Kakashi’s able to participate in that. Eventually, ( I haven’t thought this through quite yet) you do end up fucking and Kakashi tries to convince himself that he can just do that, that he can keep up having great sex with a great friend and that you don’t mean the world to him. You try to do the same, for his benefit, but you’re in deep and neither of you can’t deny there’s a bond and your connection is so strong that you’re basically in a relationship - and you kinda are by the time you start having sex - but he doesn’t really have the balls to actually call it that till after the 4th shinobi war. (I have some thoughts about how the war impacted Kakashi’s psychology but it’s generally then when he’ll genuinely feel comfortable enough to fully commit himself to you and see a future for himself, which he’s never really had before, and a future with you to boot).

To bring it back to this (I’m sorry what a fucking tangent), Kakashi’s maybe not had sex with a large amount of women, but he’s a quick learner and has natural skill. He also learns your body and what you like quickly. So whilst he’s not as experienced as he seems, he’s definitely more skilled than he has any right to be.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

When it comes to positions there’s very little he wouldn’t enjoy tbh. He does have an affinity for positions like doggy style, just the visuals and the power it gives him. It’s easy for him to get a bit carried away though, but that’s his go to when he’s feeling rougher.

When it’s more romantic and slow and sensual, he also loves variations of missionary, because he loves the intimacy of the eye contact, and how your body is so close he can hear your heartbeat but his absolute favourite positions are missionary variations where your legs are on his shoulders, or where he’s spreading your thighs as perpendicular as possible and really testing your flexibility are probably his favourite cuz legs, and he can go even deeper and get an amazing angle.

But he definitely likes it when you ride him too, whether you’re facing him or away, it just feels too good when you’re bouncing on him like that. Also it’s nice to relax a bit and not have to do more of the work… plz take care of him from time to time…

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He definitely has the capacity to be a fucking dork, as we know, and this has the potential to translate to his sex life. It’s a sign of complete ease if he can laugh and joke with you during, and he loves to have fun and play around with you, but at the same time, he does prefer to be serious most of the time. This means a lot to him and he’ll make sure you know that. He’s also gonna get a bit exasperated if you don’t seem to be taking it as seriously as him, or if you’re too into jokes and giggles for his liking that day. Probably will try and shut you up one way or another.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

(Ughh okay so the idea of Kakashi with a silver happy trail leading to a messy shockwave of hair down there really does things to me okay, I’m sorry, I’ll see myself out)

Okay so… Have you seen how Kakashi manages his hair? Spoiler alert: he doesn’t. I don’t even know if this man owns a hairbrush. So I can definitely see him not being assed about shaving his bush. It’s probably kind of wild, or at the very least more on the unkempt side.

But then again he’s assed enough to keep his face clean shaven so he can wear his mask, so maybe he does, like I do head canon that he’s a very clean person and he probably feels like it is a *bit* cleaner that way but I’m leaning towards nah he just leaves it alone, but will trim it from time to time when it gets too wild or if it bothers you. I do think he probably has slightly more body hair than you’d expect tbh, but his hair is so light especially against his complexion so it’s not really noticeable. Oh and obviously, the carpet matches the drapes. (Idk why this made me imagine Kakashi with a ginger bush..  LMAO there’s a thought)

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

It does depend on the mood between you, what kinda day he’s had, what position you’re in etc but he places a lot of value on sex in your relationship, for the intimacy and emotional bonding, not just the physical pleasure. So there are a lot of times where he’d be super intimate. Kakashi’s a man who chooses his words and actions very carefully in normal life and during sex he allows himself to let all that go. His actions really convey the depth of what you mean to him, what being with you like this means to him. He’ll hold you close to him, running his hands all over your body just to feel you everywhere, kiss you everywhere you can whilst he moves, bury his face into your neck, breathe you in - he just is very overwhelmed by this and there are times during your most intimate moments where he’s so in awe and so happy that he could die right there.

That being said, if he’s fucking you over his desk in the hokage’s office and it’s rough and fast, it’s a little harder to feel the intimacy and the romantic connection. Still, it is underlying every moment between you too. You’re the only ones that see these sides of each other, and make each other feel that way, and he really values that. He’ll still make it feel tender somehow and not just mindless fucking (no matter how blank he makes your head feel)

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

I don’t see him as being a particularly frequent masturbator tbh. He strikes me as disciplined and he can probably go a while without it, especially if he’s busy, but more than just that, he kinda sees it as an inconvenience he just has to do sometimes? To blow off some steam, or when he’s not had sex in a while or something got his mind racing and it’s a distraction because he literally can’t think about anything else. He’ll probably use his books, but he prefers to use his imagination tbh, though the books can start as a seed for that.

He also doesn’t like having to put too much effort into jerking himself off? He doesn’t like to overcomplicate things when it comes to his sex life, and especially when it’s just jacking off.

He just kinda wants to get it done so he can move on to something more productive or fall asleep or something. So he’s just happy to pump himself off until he gets there.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Okay here’s where I’m gonna lose some of you.

Kakashi’s just not that kinky. Or maybe not kinky by tumblr/fic standards. Like I said in the previous head canon, he just does not see the appeal of making his sex life more complicated than it needs to be and his kinks aren’t gonna be too crazy. He just wants to feel good with you and he’s not that difficult to get going. With that in mind, here are some things he likes:

Spanking ;)

Teasing

Face-fucking

Dirty Talk (to a point, anything too stupid sounding or too dirty might make him laugh or take him out of it…)

clothed sex (where you are so horny for each other you can’t even wait to get undressed properly)

semi-public sex (he would hate the idea of actually being seen but the idea of *almost* being caught is kinda hot to him, not that he’ll ever let that happen if he can help it),

body worship (is that a kink)

LIGHT dom (I’ll mention it more later but he’s not too extreme into this stuff, but if you call him Hokage-sama or captain he might get a little too into it… not that that’s bad) I heard someone call him general during the war arc and that shit SENT me

he maaaay do a a threesome with shadow clones (either two of his if you want that, but two of you seem kinda hot… that being said, this might delve into that ‘making things too complicated’ so Idk, this might just be hot to me cuz I would like two Kakashis to rail me and I do think he’d enjoy it if two of you focused on him),

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

The bed is fine but that’s really what he associates with either morning sex, or romantic, intimate lovemaking type stuff. When it’s more raunchy and playful, he really likes bending you over stuff tbh, his desk, kitchen counter etc most surfaces work well. He likes the shower too. Also, one time you both were just so hot for each other and didn’t make it to the bed and went at it on the hard floor and it was so wild and rough.

But he really loves fucking you up against walls, doors, mirrors, etc, Wall is his favourite, it’s just so intense and he gets animalistic and yeah it’s so good.

WAIT, how did I forget, sex in front of the mirror?! This is something he enjoys more with a more flustered or shy s/o who’s not used to looking at themselves. I have been thinking about writing something for this

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Kakashi’s more on the traditional side in terms of what he likes but it’s really not that hard to turn him on. He loooooveeees when you wear lingerie for him, anything pretty and lacy but also stockings and all that. But then there’s something about when it’s simplistic too, like when you’re just wearing his shirt and nothing else? That’ll get him going too. But yeah, plz surprise him with a sexy outfit when he comes home from a long day of work and he’ll love you 5ever.

I dunno why I’ve always thought this, but I also think he’s turned on by subtle, understated signs of femininity? It’s just such a contrast to what he’s used to and he really appreciates it and is just mesmerised by you tbh. It’s things that are natural, the way when you sit down your hips get that crease where they meet your thighs, you might sometimes look down when you smile softly, the way you walk, pretty hair. If you have a really classical, elegant/sophisticated kind of style he loves that. Kinda hard to explain what I mean with that but like, say a dress or skirt that shows off your curves but isn’t too revealing? It really gets his mind racing. That make sense? (No worries if that’s not your style either, like I say, it’s not that hard to turn him on) But I also think he kinda likes when you wear jewellery? Like nothing too ostentatious but if you’re naked beneath him and the only thing you’re wearing is a necklace or some fancy earrings he just thinks you look so beautiful.

He also likes the comfortable, gentle teasing and flirting in the conversations you have, the jovial aspect to them, the connotations they carry. You could say one comment and not mean a whole lot by it and it might get his mind racing. He’ll think about you all day.

I mentioned before but offering to massage his back/chest/shoulders is his favourite, and if you kiss his jawline or neck even innocently it might not be innocent for very long ;) just when you’re generally affectionate and gentle with him.

He’d definitely enjoy it if you were confident, but I also feel like he’d like a shyer s/o too? If you were a little easier to fluster than he is, he finds it much easier to be confident and make you feel that much better ;) he likes making you blush.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Okay, here’s where I’m definitely gonna lose some of you. But hang with me.

Short version: He doesn’t really like BDSM, be nice to him and let him be

Long version (I’m sorry guys):

By the time Kakashi’s in a loving relationship with you, he’s shown you his vulnerability and he trusts you, and he’s happy to try things within reason, but he has boundaries. And he expects you to respect them, just like he respects yours. You’re gonna frustrate him and make him close off if you’re wanting to push him to try new stuff or go out of his comfort zone. He can be set in his ways. If he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t want to. So if that’s not cool for you, that’s a turn-off.

He’s not into role-reversal. This is a tricky one to explain (and I’d explained it better in my first version of this that got lost to the void but alas this is where my memory is getting hazy), but though he’s a man with a lot of power and responsibility and control, these things aren’t necessarily things he’s insecure about or that come unnaturally to him. They’re not a persona or things he’s necessarily putting a lot of effort into being. He just is. He’s self-aware of his own abilities and strengths and he’s very a-matter-of-fact about them. I guess what I’m saying is, the more masculine attributes of his personality and demeanour that make some people say he’s DaddyAF and others say he’s probably not like that sexually, are just who he is naturally. He’s not putting effort into being these things and does not see the appeal of working to reverse this in the bedroom, or better yet, doesn’t really understand it. It’s way more effort for him to do that than it is for him to just be who he is. I could go way more into the psychology of this but this thing is long enough already but part of that accepting him for who he is is just letting him be. I’m saying he’s in no way a sub, basically.

But he’s not a huge dom, either. He’s actually really not into anything hardcore when it comes to dom/sub or bdsm stuff like at all. Like he’s not gonna be your daddy or your master or anything like that. He really values ease above all else and is happy to just enjoy the two of you and your body without adding extra layers of extreme power dynamics and kinks on top of it. He’s happy to be more on the authoritative side, which is why I say light dom, and it’s more natural for him to take the lead, but he’s not thinking about it too hard. I also don’t think he’d be averse to some mild power play - in that mean he likes it when you get a little cheeky, tease him, you can make fun of him, there’s a bit of cat and mouse between you, but if you’re too much into control or power that actually might bring out his rougher dominant side a bit more than normal. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not incapable of lying back and letting you do your thing.

…But he is still a bit of a control freak at heart and he doesn’t want to feel like something could go wrong, so if you make him feel like he can’t do anything about the situation or having no control at all is likely gonna be a bad experience for him.The other thing is that Kakashi doesn’t feel like he’s had control over his life where it counts, and he still feels pretty shitty about himself a lot. He’s not gonna wanna relinquish all control during his sex life, no matter how much he trusts you. He’d hate feeling completely passive, and if you humiliate him you’re just gonna make him feel shitty. He doesn’t wanna humiliate you either. So what I’m saying is, he’s just not into femdom or extreme male sub stuff or anything like that, sorry not sorry. He’s felt shitty enough in his life for you to turn it into a kink. He’s a pretty chill guy, but he still has his comfort zone, and he trusts you enough to be vulnerable, don’t take advantage of that. Be kind to Kakashi Hatake 2020.

With everything I’ve said so far, he’s never gonna let you peg him. It’s not something that really appeals to him visually or psychologically, plus any kind of receiving anal stimulation is just not really his thing. Leave Kakashi Hatake’s asshole alone 2020. Also, he doesn’t like the plastic/artificialness of toys in general, he’d much rather genuine skin on skin contact and feeling your body and you his, and just yeah you having to use toys on him will turn him off or seeing you in a way, that’s you know, not you, with an artificial appendage is just, a big no for him. Probably has the exact opposite effect you’d want. 

He’d also never wanna hurt you, or be into you hurting him. If it doesn’t trigger his PTSD or his tendency to self-loathe like all the other things I mentioned, he’s been getting hurt his whole life so he’s likely not gonna enjoy this in the bedroom, it’s either banal to him or a complete turn-off at the least. He’s self-aware enough to know it’s not gonna be the healthiest thing for him to sexualise it. He’s also hurt too many people to do something that could potentially hurt you, so no weapons, ninja techniques, things like that. I don’t think he’d even be into choking you. He just wants to relax, and enjoy himself and being with you in a way where he can feel safe, but not passive, and he loves having a partner that can allow him to do that.

So a partner being too dominant to the point of making him feel shitty and weak would be a turn-off, or just generally one that’s impatient or unkind. You’ll need to be empathetic and warm to get anywhere with him anyway, or at least you’ll struggle otherwise. Also, he wouldn’t ever want a threesome. It’s taken so much out of him to build up trust and intimacy between you, he’s sure that introducing another person, even if it’s only a one time thing, would ruin it. He also doesn’t want anyone other than you to see him in that way, or vice versa.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

So I don’t know why but I feel like Kakashi sees eating you out as such a special, intimate act? It’s a big deal, and this is something he probably wouldn’t do with someone he doesn’t have a strong connection to, or not as much. But when he does love you, your responses and the whole act are just mesmerising to him. Maybe it’s how vulnerable delicate you seem, how your moans are more gentle and delicate compared to when he’s fucking you, how he’s up and close against your most private parts, how he’s the only one that sees you like this… It really gets him going tbh, but it also takes a lot out of him? It just ends up meaning more to him than a blowjob might mean to you. So he might actually end up receiving more than he gives, despite the fact that he enjoys it and is very good at it. I don’t mind I’ll suck his dick 25/8

Like most men, he’ll be putty in your hands if you give him a good blowjob. It’s one of those things that never cease to amaze him or drive him crazy, no matter how many times you’ve done it, the sight of you on your knees, sucking him down. He’ll feel guilty but he face-fucks you sometimes, and it feels amazing, but he honestly might let himself get carried away. So he’ll sometimes grab your hair or clench his fist instead, otherwise he’ll just try to gently guide your ahead along sometimes. His moans during blowjobs are also damn hot as well. Like guttural groans and moans, he’s louder than normal.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Depends with Kakashi! Whether it’s a quickie, the position, where you’re doing it. He has a penchant for slow and sensual though. He wants to savour you, the sensation, the moment, the sights, everything. He really wants to bask in the intimacy of what’s going on and go as deep as he can and take his time. He likes taking it easy.

But there’s always gonna be moments where he can be pretty damn animalistic and rough and he’s pretty good with that too. Though, where he has the time to do so, he likes to build up to it? Occasionally he’ll be too pent up/frustrated or too short on time to really do it but like if time and space allows he doesn’t wanna start ramming into you like right away, he wants you to adjust, and will slowly fuck you until you’re really want it as crazily as he does.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He likes a good quickie, or rather, they’re his only option sometimes. He’s a busy guy who can’t always plan his schedule, and this goes tenfold when he becomes Hokage. So whilst his favourite will also be something longer where he can take his time and enjoy your body, you’re gonna have to accept that there will be periods where all you’ll get is quickies in his office, or in the morning before he has to leave.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

So despite all that stuff I listed about all the things he won’t do, he’s willing to try a lot of stuff with you. He does enjoy experimenting and he thinks it’s fun and brings you guys closer together, but within reason. He doesn’t wanna do anything too complicated or too strange by his standards, but he’ll be up for new locations, new positions, and he is risky in the sense that he won’t mind doing some stuff in public, or semi-public at least.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

So it’s definitely better when he doesn’t have his sharingan constantly sapping his energy anymore, but not to the point that you really noticed there being a problem before. He just puts a lot of effort and concentration into not cumming before you, and he’s pretty good at that. Depending on how pent up he is, he can last a decent amount of time. But if he has lasted quite a long time, when he finally does cum, he might not be in the mood to go again.

I see him going for like, one short round and one long one. Or if it’s shorter his recovery time’s pretty decent. But if you get ever happen to get three or more rounds of him in one go you should definitely praise him or take care of him cuz that’s pretty difficult and his dick might be broken for the next few days.

The only time his ability to hold back his orgasm goes to shit is when you’re having his way with him by riding him or sucking him off. You’re just too good have mercy on him But he’s better able to control that stuff and slow down and take breaks when he needs to when he’s the one leading things.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Nah, this harkens back to the whole thing about him not wanting to overcomplicate things and just have fun without thinking too much. He can’t be assed with toys and won’t use them on himself. I also mentioned earlier that he doesn’t like the fakeness/artificiality of toys, just the gimmicky-ness of it, the plastics... Nah. He wants to feel something real. Besides it’s canon how crazy this man’s physical skill is, his hands, his fingers… He’s completely satisfied with just his hands. And you are too

If it means a lot to you, he can use toys on you. But let’s be honest I really don’t think you’ll feel the need.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Kakashi is a little shit, we all know this. He loves to tease and edge, and he just loves seeing how frustrated you get, your scolding, knowing that you still can’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to do, your annoyed little whines and huffs… But he always more than makes up for it later.

He is so bad at receiving teasing though, he cannot withstand as much as you can, which is lame, considering how much he can put you through.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He’s not that loud, though there are times he can be. When he’s getting close to cumming, when he finally does are probably his loudest. But generally, his noises are so so nice. He makes soft little grunts and pants mostly, but he’ll growl and groan, whisper your name.. But sometimes you can get a semi-loud moan out of hiim and omg it’s so so hot.

He’s a little louder when he’s tired, or first thing in the morning? He’s more sensitive. When he’s not having to concentrate so much or think too much about what’s going on, he’ll get a little louder. He’s also louder when you’re riding him than in other positions.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

You know what I’ve gone in so deep with this head canons that I can’t think of a random one and I can’t remember what I wrote yesterday.

So Kakashi really appreciates just physical contact with you, wherever it might be. It doesn’t necessarily need to be sexual either but it makes him feel at ease. I said this already too, but Kakashi loves the comfort of just being vanilla. Nothing special, nothing elaborate, no gimmicks, just him on top of you, with your legs around his hips, as he drives into you. It’s literally just you and him in the world and that’s all there needs to be and nothing’s ever felt more right than that.  

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

It’s canon Kakashi is big need I say more. Okay I’ll say more. So it’s pretty long and thick. It’s not like monster huge but he’ll definitely take some adjusting. Probs uncut, and the same girth all the way down. Also kinda veiny, there’s some big ones on the underside. You’ll definitely feel him throb inside you.  But his body is nice too, but we been knowing that. He’s lean, and muscular, but in an understated way. He also has really nice legs? Like his thighs are good. The only time I saw his legs was in ep 101 of og Naruto but I was very pleased tbh. Like they’re well-trained but not crazy muscular like those men who work out a lot get… do you know what I mean? The round calves and stuff? He doesn’t have that. He also has a very nice ass. Gets flustered if you stare at it or slap it. Please do though his reaction is so cute.

Anyways, back to his dick, the colour is slightly darker than the rest of his body and the tip a tad darker than that. I remember seeing a picture on twitter and omg I couldn’t like it cuz I need some semblance of keeping my twitter professional but omg I saved the link, this is it though, the artist gets him perfectly.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

It’s high but nothing ridiculous. He’s controlled enough where he can go a while without it, but this is harder once he has a partner.

Once you guys have settled into each other and grown comfortable, he’s probably up for it 3-4 times a week, but depends on you and both of your schedules too. Sometimes it’s more, sometimes less.  But he’s a busy guy and has tons of things going on so as much as he’d like to, he can’t think about having sex extremely frequently. He’s also gonna have periods where he physically can’t see you that much, so the times you do see each other might be spent having sex so it might feel like it’s crazy high, but it’s more that he’s making up for lost time.

As he gets older his sex drive does decrease slightly, but not by much tbh. He’s very adaptable to your needs too. If you wanna fuck a lot that’s all great but if it’s like twice a day every day then calm down dang you might need to satisfy yourself. But if yours is a lot lower than is, he might struggle, but eh, he can manage.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Sex definitely depletes him and makes it easy to sleep, but he’ll normally wait for you to fall asleep. It’s a control thing and a protective thing, but he just feels a lot better about sleeping once you’re already there dozing off in his arms, and after sex is one of the rare times where he feels relaxed enough and his mind is empty enough where he can get a good night’s rest without any issues.  

[pridewhatpride]

omg pls talk more about GX rival shipping once the transfer students come

Dear anon, I love you for asking this of me, but I have to wonder if you want everyone who follows me to start hating me.

Long post coming up? You know it. I apologise to all Johan fans, he's great and I loved him and his deck as a child. Now I'm just salty because he's too perfect. Warning because this is a mess of unrequited feelings and it's an all around bad time if you ship anything in gx. I did mention I do not practice self care in a previous post of mine. Enjoy your pain c:

So here are my bad takes of the day, under the very handy cut!

You see, gx rivalshipping becomes a lot more complicated and angsty when the transfer students arrive. The dynamic changes. If there is a dynamic at all. I mean, imagine yourself in Manjoume's shoes. You've lowkey had a crush on this dumb guy who kind of ruined your life (but actually improved it and freed you from the restraints your family imposed on you), just to watch a handsome scandinavian dude who is a lot more muscular than you are and maybe a little bit nicer, maybe just waltz in and completely captivate said dumb guy's attention. Just when you had managed to admit your own feelings to yourself.

Johan comes in and steals the room, everybody loves him, he's good looking, charismatic, kind and has a magical exclusive shiny sparkling deck at his disposal that he uses as if it was the most natural thing in the world, like he hadn't received approval Pegasus himself on top of the duel spirits. And Judai clearly can't get enough of it, because he's always seeking him out, ever since the duel they had in front of everyone, and Manjoume finds that he's really annoyed by it. He wishes he'd been chosen for the demonstration, deluding himself into believing that if he'd won, Judai would have never started caring so damn much about Johan. But a part of him knows he would have probably lost and that even if he hadn't, Judai would have not cared about the outcome at all. It's nice to think that winning a card game can solve all your problems, but, while Manjoume has only ever experienced how much losing one can mess with your life goals, he isn't stupid enough to think that winning would grant him happiness. Not anymore. No well-thought-out strategy can rid him of his bad temper and his worthless pride.

The thing is, he can't really hate Johan, because nobody can hate Johan. He's just the perfect picture of everything Manjoume isn't and, going by everyone's reaction, the fact that 'everyone is unique in their own way and worthy of love' is absolute bullshit. There clearly is an objective better one of the two and Manjoume is very aware that he isn't it. And he'd probably begrundgingly be cool with it, after all he'd accepted that Jaden was braver than him, that Asuka was emotionally stronger and more resolute, that Daichi was smarter, not to mention how much plain better than him his fomer upperclassmen were. Forget about pros like Edo, whom Judai had stood on equal grounds with. But Judai is clearly playing favourites, too, hell, he hardly even acknowledges Manjoume.

He finds himself forcibly removed from his already shaky position as rival, because now Johan is there to take it up, on top of the titles of 'best friend' and 'emotional support and crutch' and 'maybe something else I'd really rather not know'.

Manjoume just generally hates it all. He might have changed and improved himself, but there is no saving him from the fact that some people were just better. That doesn't stop him from trying. But again he finds himself pitted against Judai, the irony of his fate never giving him a moment to rest. Manipulated and turned into the enemy of those he cares about, again.

A part of him despises how good it feels to learn that Johan has gone missing, but Judai is screaming like his arms have been torn off and while he hates that it's all for Johan, he hates that Judai is in pain even more. Judai had saved him before and it's only right for him to return the favour. So he insists on helping him on his stupidly risky plan to save Johan. And it's all to get the old Judai back.

...The rest, from Manjoume's perspective is a mess. His feelings of anger stem from the hatred he harbours towards himself and the bond between Judai and Johan. He'd been trying to help, he had, he sincerely had, but everything just swirled together and the next thing he knows is that he is shouting at Judai because it suddenly made sense to guilt trip him over the fact that he'd abandoned his friends, he'd abandoned him as soon as someone better had come into the picture. And it was Judai's fault for letting them- him believe that he cared when he didn't, when he couldn't have cared less, because clearly he had one priority only and that was Johan. They had come to help and it still wasn't being appreciated.

Disappearing is a relief, for a moment, but then he finds himself in another hellish place and he can't help but think that it's retribution for being so upset over something that has nothing to do with him. That's right. It's his own fault for making Judai, his only real friend (aside from Fubuki, sorry for breaking the immersion, but I love Fubuki), carry the burden of the stupid hopes that came with his feelings. Judai has no fault. Johan has no fault. It's his own for desiring something that would always be out of reach.

As he is tortured by his own thoughts and regrets in the other dimension, Manjoume silently wishes his words meant nothing to Judai, that he'd be spared the pain of betrayal. He wishes Judai can achieve his goal.

When Shou appears to him, he knows there is no time to waste. If he is alive, the others are, too. Judai would want to know that they are safe. So he asks Shou to carry his message, along with his good luck wish. He hopes it's enough to make up for his mistakes.

Next thing he knows, they are back at DA, Judai is nowhere to be seen. Manjoume mourns the loss of his first and only friend and curses himself for tarnishing that memory. (Judai's return and season 4 would be too much to cover, this was only Manjoume's pov and I might as well just rewrite the entire show at this point.)

So what about Judai?

I personally want to believe that he genuinely does like Manjoume at some point. But as much as it pains me to admit it, season 3 just wrote Manjoume off from the list of main characters and relegated him to 'he's your funny comic relief, nobody really gives a shit about what he thinks or feels, so why should you, the spectator who has grown to love him, care at all? Also here's his sticker that confirms that Judai going after Johan makes him really angry for some reason, make of that what you will c:' (fuck the writing staff, I'm not even sorry).

Judai is so clearly smitten with Johan. It seems to me that his refusal to accept Manjoume's help that one time on the cliff shows that Judai doesn't really understand the way Jun operates. He probably labeled him as just someone else who counted on him to be saved. And sure, Manjoume is saved by Judai in multiple occasions, but he doesn't ever really... ask for it? Or more importantly expect it. He doesn't get himself into situations he can't handle because Judai can save him anyways, the trouble just kind of happens at him and more often than not he's only involved by accident, because he happens to be close to Judai.

The problem still stands, as season 3 starts, Judai is very much burdened by everyone's expectations and Johan is a breath of fresh air and the only one Judai actually considers a friend and an equal. It's heartbreaking that he felt that alone.

They get their gay 'have we met somewhere before moment', they duel gaily, they homoerotically tell eachother how admirable the other is, they shamelessly flirt and whoohoo Judai has an unofficial boyfriend and who can blame him for concentrating on him along with wanting to escape the pressure his former gang unknowingly laid on him.

But yeah, Judai in season 3 has a one track mind and it's hard not to see it as romantic. Does he know it is? Maybe? I honestly don't know. I feel like Johan is the one of the two who is aware of the implications of their interactions. Which also kind of brings me to say... does Johan think that all of Judai's friends are horrible people? Because he never once comments on how Judai distances himself from them once he arrives. He probably thinks they were never good friends in the first place.

Judai probably excuses his attentions towards Johan with the fact that they are alike because they can see spirits, but then he rememebers that so can Manjoume and maybe he feels guilty for a second, but Johan cracks a joke and Judai laughs and thinks to himself that Manjoume is probably happy to have the peace and quiet he so often claimed to want.

Like... I think a part of him would get that tightness in his chest because it's like he's betrayed someone, but he knows he hasn't, because there isn't any actual mutual agreement he's going against. So he lets himself fall deeper into the comfort of Johan's presence. Johan is, to Judai, the ideal person. He is exactly who Judai wants to become. Judai admires him very deeply and strives to be more like him, but he falls gradually into despair as he learns, once Johan is gone, that no, he can't be like him, because Johan is so much better than him, and if he doesn't get him back soon he might even forget what he was like in the first place. Johan can't be erased, can't be forgotten. And Judai feels like he's vanishing already, so he throws himself into a wild interdimensional manhunt to save his hopes for the future.

Turns out that wanting to do good doens't always result in a good outcome. That's what Judai learns when Manjoume lashes out at him just seconds before disappearing. Along with the others, too. Judai doesn't even have the brain power to compute that some people are still there, that he can still save someone, because he realised then that he had focused so much on Johan that he'd completely overlooked the fact that while his friends relied on him a little too much, they hadn't meant any harm. And if he'd just told them, maybe they would have been fine, they could've cooperated- but Manjoume had told him that he was a traitor, that he'd doomed them with his irrational behaviour.

Manjoume's last words to him had been spoken with hatred and Judai realised only then that he had misread him entirely. He lets despair and self hatred take over as he realises that if he had managed to hurt the ones he cared about so easily, discarding them for the new good thing, he could just keep doing that. And it would stop hurting, eventually.

I like to think that Manjoume really does have an impact on the awakening of the Supreme King. Yeah, I know he only turns once Johan's death is mentioned, I know. I just suffer from abandonment issues and can't stand that Manjoume dying in front of him is more impactful to Judai than a guy who literally can't be trusted saying "Joke's on you, the one you're looking for is in another castle already dead."

So yeah. That's the angsty overview.

TL;DR Johan is an Adonis, Judai is smitten and Manjoume is very very heartbroken. But actually so is Judai. Because while being with Johan feels right, there's someone whose absence feels wrong, but he doesn't allow himself to dwell on it and everything goes to shit. All around a bad time for everyone and they'll have a lot of talking to do once they properly reconcile after graduation.

[bogkeep]

hmmmmmmmmmm maybe i’ll write an Introspective Musing Post about my relationship to religion and their depiction in stories because i’ve pondering about this topic lately

so for those who are reading this and DON’T know what’s been going on...  there’s this webcomic i fell in love with some years ago, about six years actually, that depicts a post-apocalyptic fantasy/horror adventure set in the nordic countries. it had, and has still, some very uncomfortable flaws regarding racial representation, and the creator has historically not dealt very well with criticism towards it. it’s a whole Thing. my relationship with this comic has fluctuated a lot, since there are a lot of elements in it i DO love and i still feel very nostalgic about, and like idk i felt like i trust my skills in critical thinking enough to keep reading. aaand then the creator went a teensy bit off the deep end created a whole minicomic which is like... a lukewarm social media dystopia where christians are oppressed (and also everyone is a cute bunny, including our lord and saviour jesus christ). which is already tonedeaf enough considering there are religious people who DO get prosecuted for their faith, like, that’s an actual reality for a lot of people - but as far as i can tell, usually not christians. and then there’s an afterword that’s like, “anyway i got recently converted and realized i’m a disgusting human being full of sin who doesn’t deserve redemption but jesus loves me so i’ll be fine!! remember to repent for your sins xoxo” and a bunch of other stuff and IT’S KIND OF REALLY CONCERNING i have, uh, been habitually looking at the reactions to and discussions around this, maybe it’s not very self care of me but there’s a lot of overwhelming things rn and it’s fantastically distracting, yknow? like, overall this situation is fairly reminiscent of the whole jkr thing. creator of a series that is Fairly Beloved, does something hurtful, handles backlash in a weird way, a lot of people start taking distance from Beloved Series or find ways to enjoy it on their own terms, creator later reveals to have been fully radicalized and releases a whole manifesto, and any and all criticism gets framed as harassment and proving them right. of course, one of them is a super rich person with a LOT of media power and a topic that is a lot more destructive in our current zeitgeist, and the other is an independent webcomic creator, so it’s  not the same situation. just similar vibez ya feel as a result of this, i have been Thinking. and just this feels like some sort of defeat like god dammit she got me i AM thinking about the topic she wrote about!!! i should dismiss the whole thing!!! but thinking about topics is probably a good thing so hey lets go. me, i’m agnostic. i understand that this is a ‘lazy’ position to take, but it’s what works for me. i simply do not vibe with organized religion, personally. (i had the wikipedia page for ‘chaos magic’ open in a tab for several weeks, if that helps.) i was raised by atheists in a majorly atheist culture. christian atheist, i should specify. norway has been mostly and historically lutheran, and religion has usually been a private and personal thing. it turns out the teacher i had in 7th grade was mormon, but i ONLY found out because he showed up in a tv series discussing religious groups in norway later, and he was honestly one of the best teachers i have ever had - he reignited the whole class’ interest in science, math, and dungeons and dragons. it was a real “wait WHAT” moment for my teenage self. i think i was briefly converted to christianity by my friend when i was like 7, who grew up in a christian family (i visited them a couple times and always forgot they do prayers before dinner. oops!), but like, she ALSO made me believe she was the guardian of a secret magic orb that controls the entire world and if i told anybody the world would burn down in 3 seconds. i only suspected something was off when one day the Orb ran on batteries, and another day the Orb had to be plugged in to charge. in my defense i really wanted to be part of a cool fantasy plot. i had no idea how to be a christian beyond “uuuuh believe in god i guess” so it just faded away on its own. when i met this friend several years later, she was no longer christian. i think every childhood friend of mine who grew up in a christian family, was no longer christian when they grew up. most notably my closest internet friend whose family was catholic - she had several siblings, and each of them took a wildly different path, from hippie treehugger to laveyan satanist or something in that area. (i joined them for a sermon in a church when they visited my town. my phone went off during it because i had forgotten to silence it. oops!) ((i also really liked their mother’s interpretation of purgatory. she explained it as a bath, not fire. i like that.)) i have never had any personal negative experiences with christianity, despite being openly queer/gay/trans. the only time someone has directly told me i’m going to hell was some guy who saw me wearing a hoodie on norway’s constitution day. yeah i still remember that you bastard i’ve sworn to be spiteful about it till the day i die!! i’ve actually had much more insufferable interactions with the obnoxious kind of atheists - like yes yes i agree with you on a lot but that doesn’t diminish your ability to be an absolute hypocrite, it turns out? i remember going to see the movie ‘noah’ with a friend who had recently discovered reddit atheism and it was just really exhausting to discuss it with her. one of these Obnoxious Atheists is my Own Mother. which is a little strange, honestly, because she LOVES visiting churches for the Aesthetic and Architecture. we cannot go anywhere without having to stop by a pretty church to Admire and Explore. I’VE BEEN IN SO MANY CHURCHES FOR AN ATHEIST RAISED NON-CHRISTIAN. i’ve been to the vatican TWICE (i genuinely don’t even know how much of my extended family is christian. up north in the tiny village i come from, i believe my uncle is the churchkeeper, and it’s the only building in the area that did not get burnt down by the the nazis during ww2 - mostly because soldiers needed a place to sleep. still don’t know whether or not said uncle believes or not, because hey, it’s Personal) i think my biggest personal relationship to religion, and christianity specifically, has been academic. yeah, we learned a brief synopsis of world religions at school (and i remember the class used to be called ‘christianity, religion, and ethics’ and got changed to ‘religion, beliefs, and ethics’ which is cool. it was probably a big discourse but i was a teen who didnt care), but also my bachelor degree is in art history, specifically western art history because it’s a vast sprawling topic and they had to distill it as best they could SIGHS. western art history is deeply entangled with the history of the church, and i think the most i’ve ever learnt about christianity is through these classes (one of my professors wrote an article about how jesus can be interpreted as queer which i Deeply Appreciate). i also specifically tried to diversify my academic input by picking classes such as ‘depiction of muslims and jewish people in western medieval art’ and ‘art and religion’ when i was an exchange student in canada, along with 101 classes in anthropology and archaeology. because i think human diversity and culture is very cool and i want to absorb that knowledge as best as i can. i think my exchange semester in canada was the most religiously diverse space have ever been in, to be honest. now as an adult i have more christian friends again, but friends who chose it for themselves, and who practice in ways that sound good and healthy, like a place of solace and community for them. the vast majority of my friends are queer too, yknow?? i’ve known too many people who have seen these identities as fated opposites, but they aren’t, they’re just parts of who people are. it’s like... i genuinely love people having their faiths and beliefs so much. i love people finding that space where they belong and feel safe in. i love people having communities and heritages and connections. i deeply respect and admire opening up that space for faith within any other communities, like... if i’m going to listen to a podcast about scepticism and cults, i am not going to listen to it if it’s just an excuse to bash religion. i think the search for truth needs to be compassionate, always. you can acknowledge that crystals are cool and make people happy AND that multi level marketing schemes are deeply harmful and prey on people in vulnerable situaitons. YOU KNOW???? so now’s when i bring up Apocalypse Comic again. one of the things i really did like about it was, ironically, how it handled religion. in its setting, people have returned to old gods, and their magic drew power from their religion. characters from different regions had different beliefs and sources. in the first arc, they meet the spirit of a lutheran pastor, who ends up helping them with her powers. it was treated as, in the creators own words, ‘just another mythology’. and honestly? i love that. it was one of the nicest depictions i’ve seen of christianity in fiction, and as something that could coexist with other faiths. I Vibe With That. and then, uh, then... bunny dystopia comic. it just... it just straight up tells you christianity is literally the only way to..?? be a good person??? i guess?? i’m still kind of struggling to parse what exactly it wanted to say. the evil social media overlord bird tells you the bible makes you a DANGEROUS FREETHINKER, but the comic also treats rewriting the bible or finding your own way to faith as something,, Bad. The Bible Must Remain Unsullied. Never Criticize The Bible. also, doing good things just for social media clout is bad and selfish. you should do good things so you don’t burn in hell instead. is that the message? it reads a lot like the comic creator already had the idea for the comic, but only got the urge to make it after she was converted and needed to spread the good word. you do you i guess!! i understand that she’s new to this and probably Going Through Something, and this is just a step on her journey. but the absolute self-loathing she described in her afterword... it does not sound good. i’m just some agnostic kid so what do i know, but i do not think that kind of self-flagellating is a kind faith to have for yourself. i might not ever have been properly religious, but you know what i AM familiar with? a brain wired for ocd and intrusive thoughts. for a lot of my life i’ve struggled with my own kind of purity complex. i’ve had this really strange sensitivity for things that felt ‘tainted’. i’ve experienced having to remove more and more words from my vocabulary because they were Bad and i did not want to sully my sentences. it stacked, too - if a word turned out to be an euphemism for something, i could never feel comfortable saying it again. i still struggle a bit with these things, but i have confronted these things within myself. i’ve had to make myself comfortable with imperfection and ‘tainted’ things and accept that these are just, arbitrary categories my mind made up. maybe that’s the reason i can’t do organized religion even if i found one that fit for me - just like diets can trigger disordered eating, i think it would carve some bad brainpaths for me. so yeah i’m worried i guess! i’m worried when people think it’s so good that she finally found the correct faith even if it’s causing all this self-hate. is there really not a better way? or are they just trusting she’ll find it? and yeah it’s none of my concern, it’s like, i worry for jkr too but i do not want her within miles of my trans self thANKS. so like, i DO enjoy media that explores faith and what it means for you. my favourite band is the oh hellos, which DOES draw on faith and the songwriter’s experience with it. because of my religious iliteracy most of it has flown over my head for years and i’m like “oh hey this is gay” and then only later realize it was about god all along Probably. i like what they’ve done with the place. also, stormlight archive - i had NO idea sanderson was mormon, the way he writes his characters, many of whom actively discuss religion and their relationship to it. i love that about the books, honestly. Media That Explores Religion In A Complex And Compassionate Way... we like that i’ve been thinking about my own stories too, and how i might want to explore faith in them. most of my settings are based on magic and it’s like, what role does religion have in a world where gods are real and makes u magic. in sparrow spellcaster’s story, xe creates? summons? an old god - brings them to life out of the idea of them. it’s a story about hubris, mostly. then there’s iphimery, the story where i am actively fleshing out a pantheon. there’s no doubt the gods are real in the fantasy version of iphimery, they are the source of magic and sustain themselves on slivers of humanity in exchange. but in the modern version, where they are mostly forgotten? that’s some room for me to explore, i think. especially the character of timian, who comes from a smaller town and moves to a large and diverse city. in the fantasy story, the guardian deity chooses his sister as a vessel. in the modern setting, that does not happen, and i don’t yet know what does, but i really want timian to be someone who struggles with his identity - his faith, his sexuality, the expectations cast upon him by his hometown... i’m sure it’s a cliché story retold through a million gay characters but i want to do it too okay. i want to see him carve out his own way of existing within the world because i care him and want to see him thrive!!! alrighty i THINK that’s all i wanted to write. thanks if you read all of this, and if you didn’t that’s super cool have a nice day !

[chantonyoung]

summary: you’re afraid to fall in love, and you’d lie about your feelings even if you’re the worst at it, but yeonjun happens to know you too well to let it pass.

word count: 1.5k

[2:26 pm] “Yeonjun,” You call out his name as soon as you open the door, your voice echoing in the practice room. He lifts his head from looking down on his phone screen upon hearing his name.

When he sees that it’s you, he hurriedly stands from his sitting position on the floor in anticipation of you walking towards him. “Hey.” Yeonjun stumbles a little because of how sore his leg muscles are, allowing his back to go against the wall for support, but he pushes himself away from it to not show you he’s tired. “Ah, I didn’t know there was a wall here.” He lets out a chuckle, and you try to smile, but it’s difficult when you have to see him like this.

You already knew about Yeonjun’s state when Soobin messaged you about him being too hard on himself today, and it’s the exact reason why you’re here in the first place. You might’ve found Soobin’s words hard to believe, but as you walk closer to Yeonjun now, there’s no doubt that it’s true. He smiles at you, though it doesn’t reach his eyes. You extend your arms to hand him a paper bag of his favorite ramen restaurant. “I heard you were having a hectic day, so here.”

Yeonjun reaches for it, and attempts to peek what’s inside. There’s his favorite noodles as he expected, but also a bottle of an energy drink, a neatly folded towel, and a small note you wrote before leaving your car saying, ‘I believe in you.’ with hearts around it. Slowly, his smile finally reaches his eyes for the first time today. He gasps at this gesture of yours, and looks at your relieved figure with glistening eyes, but tries his best to not make it obvious. “Thanks.” Yeonjun bluntly says as an attempt to hide his happiness, but he can’t keep his feelings to himself, and you have no reason to blame him.

He’s been courting you for four months now, yet you’ve only reciprocated affection at this very moment, leaving Yeonjun in genuine surprise. In all those times he would visit you at your university’s dormitory right after his work or call you early in the morning before you take your most dreadful exams, you haven’t shown any appreciation to him, even if he makes everything else a little more bearable. It’s gotten to the point that you and Yeonjun have argued about this recently. Though you made him understand your reasons, he’s been more cautious ever since, and you wish he hasn’t. You know to yourself that every encounter with him allows you to fall deeper in love with him, but if only you weren’t so afraid to admit that to the both of you.

However, today is an exception, or so you lie to yourself. You tell yourself it’s different, it’s out of the ordinary, while you picture yourself doing this for as long as Yeonjun would let you. You’ve been persuading yourself that you’re not in love with him in the midst of waiting in line at a ramen restaurant or rewriting a note for more than three times, but standing in front of him right now is proving your words wrong. You care, and you want Yeonjun to be okay. You had to do something about it right when Soobin messaged you, but you’re so afraid to admit that too.

“Sure.” You respond with a straight face.

He clears his throat. “I-” think you’re beautiful today, Yeonjun is about to comment, but he chooses to keep it to himself. Instead, he asks, “You came all the way here for me?” as if he doesn’t know the answer to that one yet. You know that he’s fond of receiving affirming words too well, and to hear some from you? It will be a moment he’d treasure. And so, while Yeonjun is aware that you’re here to see him, he still wants to hear it from you.

Your eyes grow wide in panic. “No.” You hear yourself lie before you can think of an answer that could’ve said the truth, but not expose your feelings towards him at the same time.

“Oh,” Yeonjun is slightly taken aback by your response, his voice getting smaller per word. “then what made you come here?”

You swallow, “There’s this new thrift shop nearby, and it opened this morning.” but Yeonjun is well aware that it opens two days from now. The weight on his shoulders collapses when he realizes that you’re only trying to save face, but he sees this as an opportunity to tease you. All the while he’s avoiding the smile that’s creeping into his face, he places a hand over his mouth to hide it. Yeonjun mockingly nods at your reasoning by then, looking as if he’s considering it.

“Don’t think I came all the way here for you.” You add, thinking it will support your response, but it only makes it worse.

Yeonjun can’t stop himself this time. He lets out a chuckle, while pushing his hair back to distract himself from laughing too much. He continues teasing you, “I’m not.”

In oblivion, you nod. “Good.”

“Uh-huh.”

You’ve always been good at hiding your emotions, but not lying about them. You become more nervous with the breathtaking man waiting for what you’re going to say next. You hide your hands in the sleeves of your sweater to divert your attention somewhere else. “That’s good.” It’s gotten awkward. Suddenly, you can’t look at Yeonjun right in the eye, otherwise his stare will make you melt then and there. As an attempt to get rid of your nervousness, you mention the one thing that you’ve been persuading yourself to believe.

“You know,” you look at him, “I’m still not in love with you.”

You turn your own back against yourself without realizing so. You notice Yeonjun’s eyes grow wide, his lips twitch against his front teeth, but you’re still too nervous to put any meaning to them. He’s given a confession that he expects the least from you today, even if he’s actually aware of it already.

Today, your aura is different, and Yeonjun knew this by the second he saw you in the practice room. You never visit him during work, no matter how hectic he says his day is, so it makes today stand alone among them. He doesn’t know if you’re conscious of your little gestures too, from your hand repetitively tugging your hair behind your ear to your eyes keeping steady on his when he talks; he’s too familiar with your neutral self to not read between the lines today.

Even though Yeonjun’s smile doesn’t leave his face anymore, he cuts you some slack, but in a form of mischief. “You’re not.” His eyes stay on you, but when he notices your triumph expression, he can’t help but laugh. He tries to stop himself by running a hand over his face. Yeonjun persuades himself into believing your lie to calm his beating heart, “Yeah, okay. You’re not, you’re not.”

“What?” You ask, confused with his reaction.

Yeonjun takes his time to absorb your expression this time. Your oblivion has him laughing again, “Well, I never said you were.” He manages to say in between.

You feel your cheeks warm as you clutch the fabric of your sweater out of pure embarrassment. Diffidence is taking over your system, and you give up in retrieving your pride. There’s nothing left to do, but to simply stand still from the pure annoyance you have for yourself being too much to make you think straight.

It’s a habit of yours to pout when you’re close to crying, and when Yeonjun notices you pouting, his concerned feelings suddenly make him walk closer to you.

He prefers the atmosphere to maintain its lightness, so he goes behind you to give your still figure a back hug. “Aw, please don’t worry.” Yeonjun mimics your pout while speaking. His arms tightly embrace your body, and your hands reach for his. “It’s cute, I’m serious.”

“You’re lying.” You roll your eyes before tilting your head to look at Yeonjun, who has his head resting on your shoulder. He exaggerates an angry facial expression by widening his nostrils, and it makes you laugh along with him. With a subtle glance to your lips, biting the lower one of his own, he mumbles, “I’m not lying.”

As soon as it’s followed by intimate silence, with the two of you intently looking at one another, your heads slowly get closer. When you’re only inches away, however, you pull an innocent smile on Yeonjun, making him hit his forehead on your shoulder out of frustration. You continue to laugh at him, as he begins to rant about how his face must’ve seemed when he anticipated.

Yeonjun removes his arms around you. “Let’s not bring that up again.” You reach for his hands to not lose touch with him, “But, your face wa-”

He pulls his hands away before cutting you off, “Look, a paper bag!” Yeonjun opens the paper bag that he hasn’t let go of, acting like he doesn’t know what it contains yet, to dodge the embarrassment. But, more especially, to receive the affection he’s been longing from you.

Admitting you’re in love isn’t so bad, after all.

[nagisasstunningpersonality]

TINSITOGS, a retrospective (happy birthday)

(yes I’m like two days too late I know I’m sorry) 

Why hello followers and ass class fandom, nice to see you there. I’m sure MOST people know about this, but in case you don’t, hi. On AO3 I’m better known as livixbobbiex, writer of maybe one of the most infamous Assassination Classroom fics. 

Which I mean like, if you haven’t read it yet you totally should it’s fanlore at this point I promise- 

Shameless plug that I don’t need aside, I felt that, on its first birthday since actual completion, I just wanted to share some things about it. Some tit bits about writing it, fun facts, maybe even some author advice TM. I appreciate that it’ll be super annoying if I do that in the tags, though, so that’ll all be under the cut. If you don’t want to read the whole post, then no matter what, thanks for the support in general! 

I also want to take the opportunity to announce that I’ve reopened my discord, so if you want to talk about my fics with me (and others), you’re more than welcome to join! (the link is here) 

The origin story 

I’ve stated this many times, I think, but TINSITOGS was never supposed to be a serious story. Taking you back, quite a long time, it actually started in a facebook DM with a friend. We used to come up with “head canons” with each other, which were basically just very condensed fanfiction plots over a multitude of text messages. I believe I was trying to cheer her up, and I tried to come up with some kind of plot line. 

At the time, I was fairly fresh to the Ass Class fandom, and I was joking about how there were no teen pregnancy melodrama fanfictions. It wasn’t that I wanted one, I just thought it was strange for a school centric anime with a bunch of ships to NOT have one. And, back then, I only really cared about karmagisa. So I just decided ‘right it’s happening’. The reason I decided to make it ABO was due to ‘it making sense’. Fun fact: it was almost written as AFAB trans Nagisa, but I decided against it as I didn’t rate my ability to handle it well back then. Looking back on it, I’m glad I made that decision. 

Over around two months, writing out the plot of this story took over my life a little bit. I had no idea where I was going with it, but I was having so much fun with the drama that I decided that Karma and Nagisa shouldn’t get together soon at all, and I had a lot of fun teasing my friend with the ‘will they won’t they’. It was only when I got bored that I invented this intense drama plotline to finish it all off. 

That period of time was a lot of fun. And whilst that friendship didn’t end well, I still have a lot to thank her for. She chose Daichi’s name because I had no idea, and she wanted to annoy me because I didn’t like Haikyuu. When I couldn’t decide on his hair colour, the purple was her suggestion because ‘why logic?’ Daichi speaking Korean was because of how much she liked Kpop. She even helped me choose the title of the actual fic, so there’s a lot you can thank her for, honestly. 

After I finished that story, though, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Whenever I daydreamed, I used to think about that damn Daichi Akabane, and how much I wanted to tell his story. I’d even come up with extra stuff to fill in a lot of the gaps, and developed his character in my mind. I decided that I was really desperate to write it down. Usually that worked when I had an idea I wanted to work through. 

I wrote the first chapter in late 2017, and then the next two as well. I just, kept going, and realised that I could go further still. TINSITOGS was never something that was supposed to be shared, but I decided I may as well. After all, that fated ‘teen pregnancy drama’ fic still didn’t exist, and I thought it would be funny to make it happen. 

Yes, as I’ve stated publicly a few times, TINSITOGS was a crack fic. If I wanted attention from it, it was infamy. We even joked about me cursing the fandom if it ever became the most popular fic (whoops?). What I wasn’t expecting was a bunch of people, in a fandom where at the time there were NO ongoing karmagisa fics and it was pretty dead, to really seem to enjoy it. It was enough to have me keep writing it, at least. I still don’t know at what point I actually started taking it seriously, but somehow I did, and the rest is history? 

The reception 

In my wildest dreams, I never thought that I would be the author of one of the most popular fics in the fandom. To this day, the amount of views TINSITOGS has is insanity to me. For the record, across all platforms it’s on today it has 238,000, which is literally a number I can’t even visualise anymore. Almost quarter of a MILLION. To this day on AO3, it’s the most viewed Ass Class fic that’s an ACTUAL ass class fic (the others are multi fandom compilations). So yeah, I achieved the original goal, I guess? 

Now you might be wondering, “omg the karmagisa fandom is fujoshi trash”. And, considering the origins, it is kind of funny. The thing is, though, TINSITOGS was written at incredibly good time. It was written when there were, essentially, very few long form Karma/Nagisa stories. If any other fics did get posted on occasion, they were usually just oneshots. I was also, at that point, writing very fast. A symptom of ADHD is becoming obsessively productive over certain things. Since I was able to get a 3k chapter out every few days/once a week, TINSITOGS was consistently bumped to the top of AO3′s default view. And some of those first few chapters were altered canon, and transcribing the canon dialogue didn’t take very long. The more views it got, the more people would read it out of sheer curiosity. 

I think it also helps that, at least after it started getting some positive feedback (which was honestly after the pre written chapters), I purposely tried to make it ‘not terrible’. I mean, I personally think the first chapter is pretty weak and if it wasn’t somewhat iconic to a lot of people I’d rewrite it. But in general, I purposely tried to make the world of ABO my own, to make it more accessible to those who don’t like that genre, and stay away from the inherently grosser stuff as much as possible. I genuinely do get comments about how I introduced people to the genre as a whole, still not sure if that’s a GOOD thing but hey, it happened. 

TINSITOGS turned into a lot more than just a joke. It turned into my favourite hobby. It turned into a research project (honestly, you would not believe the amount of mummy vlogs and legit scientific articles about child development I consumed). It turned into something that, at least I believe, was widely loved. 

Meaning 

I think it might be wrong to say that I don’t have AN idea of when I started to take the fic super seriously. For me, it was around the time someone commented something along the lines of saying my writing meant a lot to them, that they’d spent all night reading it and had been unable to put it down. 

Not to get too dark here, but I do have a past in writing a very long, somewhat popular fic (it’s still on my fanfic net profile if anyone’s interested, but I don’t recommend it). However, in the latter part of my teenage years, the depression struck. Writing was the love of my life, and I couldn’t bring myself to do it anymore. Maybe I’d be able to muster an idea or even a chapter at the best points of that, but I’d never completely finished any story. Starting to write again was a huge step in my recovery, and one of the reasons I convinced myself that life was worth it was being able to impact someone’s life somehow. Even to this day, I still remember the fics I read when I was, like, thirteen. How much I still remember them, and how much they meant to be at the time. I wanted to be that writer for someone else. To be honest, it was actually Yuri!!! On Ice that got me out of the super bad, but I still never wrote anything of real consequence. TINSITOGS was the first time in a long time I actually committed to something. 

And, to be completely honest, there were a lot of times I was tired of it, and wanted to just quit. But, the thing was, I felt like people depended on me in a way. I got so many comments that were just FILLED with support, telling me how much they looked forward to every update. It wasn’t just empty words, either, a lot of the times these comments would be super engaged with the actual writing. I can’t even describe just how much they meant to me, how much I would look forward to reading everyone’s opinions. And then discord happened, which was a lot of fun. 

TINSITOGS went a lot further than I ever thought it would. There were comments, discussions, fan art, fan FIC (which is honestly incredible to me). Someone even added it to TV Tropes, at one point. Not to mention the Cards Against Humanity deck and quiz It makes me so unbelievably happy that I could inspire that much creativity, but it’s a two way street. It was all of that which inspired me to write, too. 

Writing 

The only real goal I actually had was aiming for around 3000 words per chapter. I had a whole facebook log of plot points as planning, and I was mostly just trying to expand on them into prose. I honestly thought that, at its completion, the entire fic would be around 100k words, if that. Not, at one point, being literally the longest ass class fic on AO3. 

There are a lot of aspects that were directly adapted from the original messages, and I tried to stay faithful to it more so at first, even if I later removed some of the pure crack. But the style was also vaguely similar, with the story being told mostly from Nagisa’s perspective with swaps to Karma when it made sense. All the main plot beats, too, are pretty much identical. The plus to this was I was able to add a lot of really fun foreshadowing, and I feel like it’s a fun reread because of it. 

Honestly though, if there’s a demand to release those OG message logs, I will. Mostly because it’s kind of funny, and interesting to see. Isogai and Nagisa were engaged at one point, even. 

Obviously, it changed somewhat. 3000 was the minimum length, and the time to completion was whenever it felt right. One of my big concerns was about pacing, so it took a lot more fleshing out and maybe ‘filler’ content for some of the main arcs to work. 

There’s parts of TINSITOGS I don’t think aren’t written that well, and some that I’m still super proud of. I think you can definitely tell there’s a gradual shift in style, and I get a lot more comfortable with writing them as characters as it goes along. To be honest, my pride for the fic overall is what it represents. 

It is funny to think about the places it got written in, though. I started it when I worked at McDonalds with no life direction, then it went through my first year of university with me. It’s been written in at least four countries. Aeroplanes, night clubs, long haul buses, a train through the Japanese southern coastline. Even the start of covid. TINSITOGS managed to see a lot. I even turned a scene in (the boat scene during the India chapter with altered names) to my university as a legitimate assignment. 

There were also a few messages I wanted to achieve, once I realised I had the platform to put them across. One of them was, obviously, ‘use protection kids’. It was important to me that I didn’t glamorise it too much, and I think that came across. I also wanted to dispute some of the issues with ABO, and subvert the consent issues as much as I could. An arc I really ‘liked’ writing was how abuse doesn’t always look the same way, and that it can be a drawn out change in behaviour. How the most important part of ‘being a good parent’ isn’t perfection, but genuinely loving and doing the best you can for your kid. How love doesn’t solve everything, and effective communication can take a very long time to learn and build a functional relationship. I mean, there definitely was a lot I tried to put in, and you’re free to interpret it all how you want. But, I like to think some people learnt some of these things, at least. 

Daichi 

Honestly, Daichi developed almost of his own free will. I had a good idea of his appearance, and that he was smart. Writing him from birth until around nine years old (older if you read the sequel fic) pretty much allowed that fluidity. It was really fun to explore a nature vs nurture development, and let his own characteristics speak for themselves. 

He’ll always have a special place in my heart. 

This is the first image I ever made. When I was trying to figure out what Daichi looked like, I honestly just edited Karma’s hair (pretty well, actually? I’m impressed with my past skill). That’s where the ‘he looks just like Karma’ meme kind of came from. 

This was the first image I actually created of Daichi. I THINK it was on rinmaru games mega anime creator or something, but it’s literally not available on the internet anymore as far as I can tell, so I can’t double check. This was in the pre-piccrew days. His eyes are closed because they didn’t have the right tone of goldish/silver.  

His sister, Kaguya, didn’t even exist originally, even though I decided on that ending pretty early on. Actually, she was going to be called ‘Irina’ due to some hijinks. Initially, when Karma found out about Irina’s pregnancy, she was going to get super emotional and mad at him and basically force him to name his first born daughter after her. Karma agreed to shut her up, never intending to have another child, so when the surprise second child later came along they had to live with the pain. However, to be honest I just forgot to write in the actual scene that set it all up, and I decided against adding it anywhere else. The name Kaguya was a very last minute decision, and it was a chance for me to explore some ideas that didn’t fit with Daichi’s character. 

Interestingly too, Daichi and Nao were never intended to be a thing. I only decided that towards the VERY end. Even though the reason I named Nao that was because of a ship I had in a J Drama (Good Morning Call). It just kind of ended up happening because I won myself over with imagining the cute. 

The music 

I used to write with a lot of background music, though not all the time. Particularly towards the start, there was a lot that didn’t really make sense thematically, yet I would write to a lot. 

Here’s a link to the spotify playlist if you want it it’s basically all the ones I noted I’d listened to a lot. Not including the smut ones, though, I have a whole playlist for that. 

Some of the notable ones: 

Five String Serenade - the first scene I wrote of the entire fic, in Chapter 25 New Year Time where they fell asleep cuddling. 

Cosmic Love - when I wrote Nagisa’s love confession scene in hospital (I also wrote this pretty early on) 

Northern Downpour (though it was actually a cover by Emma Blackery) - The chapter after Daichi’s born (30) 

When The Party’s Over -  Confession Time Third Period, Chapter 69. I literally listened to this song on REPEAT when I planned and wrote the kind of ‘break up’ scene, and it’s one of the few parts that made me cry writing. 

Turning Page - I know I said no smut, but this song actually gave me the idea to have the “I love you” in chapter 108 be less on a whim and actually more built up. In the original plan, Karma really did just say it without thinking. I’m glad I changed that.  

Bury Me Low and Numb - pretty much all I listened to when writing the last few chapters, because Evil Nagisa core. So much so that Bury Me Low was in my top 2020 songs rewind. 

As for the title, there’s actually quite a funny story. I had no idea what to call the fic, and when that happens I usually just try and find some song lyrics. I really wanted to use something from ‘October’ by the Broken Bells. Not only because it’s my favourite song (has been for years), but thematically it really worked. The issue was, it worked as the WHOLE song, there were no individual lyrics that captured everything. And, if they did, they didn’t flow very well. And naming the fic ‘October’ would have been weird for a lot of reasons. There Is No Sweeter Innocence That Our Gentle Sin really was just plucked randomly, in a desperate search to find any snappy lyrics from any song that had some kind of meaning. After a bit of discussion, we settled that it kind of worked... if Daichi is innocent and they committed a sin or something. It also wasn’t the most obvious lyric from the song (Take Me To Church if anyone doesn’t know) so I just went with it. It works out, I think, because TINSITOGS turned out to be a pretty good acronym and pronounceable word in its own right. 

The merch  redbubble drama 

It’s a well known fact that I’m not very good at art. However, I decided to try pixel art because it seemed the easiest to not mess up. I made Karma and Nagisa, before deciding to also give Daichi a try. 

This, to this day, is the only good quality art of Daichi that I actually own. The only one I’m actually happy sharing and thinking it doesn’t look terrible. As much as I love people sending me fanart, it’s not ‘my property’, right. 

So, I was kind of joking about TINSITOGS having merchandise. At first I just made two funny quote things, and uploaded it to redbubble. I was never intending to actually make money from this, and I’d agreed to myself that if I did, I would just donate it to charity. I was joking with the quotes, but since I had this artwork I figured I may as well uploaded. Separately, there was also an image that had pixel Daichi next to pixel Nagisa and Karma (which I also created). 

Aside from showing up in a few people’s adverts across the internet, there was no real harm with this. In fact, I didn’t make money anyway. It was just... more the joke of it existing. I did, however, buy myself a Daichi phone case, which is one of my favourite possessions. 

The funny ‘drama’ comes in when they got taken down due to copywrite. Sure, the one with Nagisa and Karma, I understand. But the other three literally had no mention or anything to do with Assassination Classroom, aside from being from a fanfiction. So basically, someone who owns those rights claimed my OC as theirs. Which makes Daichi canon? Whatever the case, I found this hilarious don’t worry. 

How has TINSITOGS changed my life? 

This is quite a strange thing to think about. Because, in a lot of ways, it really hasn’t. As I’m sure a lot of people know, I don’t really consider myself to have any real ‘fame’, despite the impressive numbers. Whenever I tell people in my personal life, they seem to think I’m some sort of internet celebrity, but that’s never been the case for me. I mean, it’s hardly a cultural phenomenon. 

In a lot of ways, I’d much rather befriend someone than have them admire me. Possibly because being someone’s inspiration is kind of weird... I’m just an awkward duck who likes to write after all. I don’t mind it, though. I genuinely find it an honour, even if I don’t necessarily agree. I also want to take this time to say that if anyone ever wants to talk or message me, you’re more than free to do so. I’m usually super casual with people who do that, I promise. 

TINSITOGS was the first story I ever finished in the way I truly wanted to. Start to end, a full narrative. And it took a LOT. There were so many times I almost felt like quitting, or took super long breaks. For me, ADHD queen, actually finishing something was a huge deal. And I know I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t owe it to everyone who read it, and myself, to see it through. You know like, if I were to die tomorrow, at least I’ve left something behind. 

In a lot of ways, it’s changed me for the better. It’s helped me develop my writing styles, and way of thinking. It encouraged me to become more active in the fandom, and develop some important friendships. I always feel like my Tumblr and Fanfiction ‘known’ factor is separate. I think most of my Tumblr following is more to do with my theories/Japanese context research if anything, for example, but I know I wouldn’t be so interested in that if TINSITOGS hadn’t lead me to deeply examine character and really look into analysing source material for clues. I also think there’s just... a lot of myself in it. 

I was 17 years old, when I first came up with the idea. I finished the story when I was 20. Now, at the time of writing, I’m 21. That time has seen some pretty significant changes - just in general life facts and my own personal human development. For me at least, a lot of that was pretty turbulent, and TINSITOGS stands as a time capsule for that, in a way. 

I know I gained a lot of confidence, and it affirmed to me that writing is what I love. Telling stories and sharing them is what I love. 

Conclusion

Do I think TINSITOGS is an outstanding piece of writing, or the best fic ever? No. I really don’t. It’s strange to say because I definitely spent a lot of time on it, but it’s not like I put my full unbridled efforts into the story. I don’t fully plan, use a beta, or even read through on my own. And that’s okay - that’s not what I write fanfiction for. Fanfiction is my place to have fun with characters and stories I like, without the pressures of having to stand on my own complete originality. Yes, I’m fully confident that I can write at a “higher quality”, if I really wanted to. I’m also aware that some authors put their full effort into their fics, and that’s just as valid! 

It feels odd to say this about my own writing, but I honestly think there’s just something in this story. It might not be written in the best prose ever, and the premise might be kind of dumb for a lot of people. But, I think, there’s some part of this fic that managed to grab people. Somehow, at some point, many readers get captured into the emotions and so drawn in that ‘they just have to finish it now!’ Again, I’m not sure myself how I actually achieved that. Of course, that won’t apply to everyone, but I do feel there’s some truth in it. And it makes me happy, to have caused that. 

If TINSITOGS is your favourite fic, or if you genuinely think it’s the best story you’ve read, then thank you. I really appreciate your support, and I’m happy to have been a part of your life, I guess. I know how much fanfics can mean to a person, and that’s why I’m not going to take it down, or edit it at all. And it’s fine too, if you loved the fic for a while and moved on -i t happens. Whatever the case, I’m very honoured to have been able to occupy a moment of your life. Or if you find this fic in 10 years time, even, I still wholly appreciate you. 

This story was incredibly important to me, and thank you for reading if it was ever important to you too. 

You may ask, what now? Well, this is only intended to be a detailed look back for whoever’s interested, and it’s likely the only one I’ll actually do, a year after completion. Of course, if you ever want to ask me anything or just discuss the story, you’re honestly good to contact me in whatever way I have available. 

I’m still writing my ongoing stories, of course, despite taking a small break due to the university work load. I fully intend to complete the stories I’ve already started to tell, at least. After that... I’m not sure if I’ll still write fanfiction. Don’t panic, this isn’t a ‘I’m quitting writing’ thing. I may, however, have bled the Karmagisa genre a bit too dry at that point. Who knows? I am pretty interested in writing something original for once, so maybe that’ll work out. 

For now, at least, thank you to anyone who read this fic. To anyone who commented, liked, or interacted with me over it. To anyone who created or learnt from it. I’m really glad that I got to share this story with you all, and ultimately left some kind of mark, no matter how big or small. 

Happy birthday, TINSITOGS. I had a lot of fun writing you. 

[calzona-ga]

EXCLUSIVE: ABC’s promo for the Season 17 premiere of Grey’s Anatomy teased a “shocking, jaw-dropping ending.” That was an understatement.

In one of the series’ biggest twists ever, a beloved character, Patrick Dempsey’s Derek Shepherd, whose tragic death in an April 2015 episode left fans heartbroken, came back. Appropriately, the late McDreamy appeared in a dream sequence, joining Ellen Pompeo’s Meredith Grey on a beach seconds after Meredith collapsed in the parking lot of Grey Sloan Memorial.

The sweet Meredith-Derek reunion was the joyous coda to an emotional two-hour season premiere of Grey’s Anatomy’s 17th season, dedicated to frontline healthcare workers, which marked the conclusion of a Station 19 crossover. It was marked by tragedy, as Meredith struggled to cope with the mounting COVID deaths at the hospital; anger, as medical personnel were left to fight the disease without enough PPE; hope, as the teenage girl whom DeLuca had unsuccessfully tried to save from human trafficking was reunited with her family; heartbreak, as Owen refused to reconcile with Teddy despite her pleas for forgiveness; and happiness, as Link and Derek’s sister Amelia took their newborn baby boy home. In fact, just minutes after Link announced their son’s name, Scout Derek Shepherd Lincoln, Derek made his appearance. While not necessarily designed as a clue, “it all came together quite beautifully,” Grey’s Anatomy showrunner Krista Vernoff and star Pompeo said.

In an exclusive interview with Deadline, which had known about the big twist, Dempsey, Vernoff and Pompeo reveal how the idea for McDreamy’s return came about, how long he will stick around, how the scene was filmed, and the great lengths to which the show went in order to keep the cameo a secret so fans can fully enjoy it.

Vernoff and Pompeo also address Meredith’s fate following her medical emergency and in the context of Pompeo’s contract coming up at the end of the season, how the real-life coronavirus pandemic changed Grey’s Anatomy on and off the screen, whether will there be COVID casualties among the staff of Grey Sloan, are there plans for a time jump, and is there hope for Teddy and Owen.

Dempsey, who has a cancer foundation, had his own questions for Vernoff and Pompeo about whether advancements in COVID treatments and the issue of wearing masks are reflected on the show.

DEADLINE: Before we talk about Patrick’s return, let’s address the incident that brought on the cameo, Meredith’s collapse, because we usually associate those kind of visions with somebody on the brink of death. Is Meredith OK? Is this just her being overworked, or is it COVID or something else very serious?

VERNOFF: Well, you have to tune in next week. We started the episode with Meredith dreaming of a beach, and at the end of the episode, she’s dreaming of the beach where Derek happens to be, and that’s what we know so far.

DEADLINE: How did the idea to bring Patrick back come about?

VERNOFF: From a writer’s perspective, it happened because it was my job to find a way — once we determined that we were doing the pandemic — to also bring joy, and escape, and fan candy, and all the things that at Grey’s Anatomy we give people. We give them romance, and we give them humor, and we give them joy, and a lot of that is lacking for the medical community in this pandemic. And so, I was walking on the beach one day, and I was like, what if there’s a Meredith dream motif?

There have been studies about how intense our dream life has been. In the pandemic, people are having really intense dreams because of the lockdown. We’re not getting enough stimulation, and so, it’s happening in our dreams. So, it started as that. It started as, how do we give people some escape. I had this imagining of a beach motif throughout the season, and I called Ellen, and I said, what if we bring back, I don’t know, some dead character that you could dream of on the beach, that would be so fun for the fans.

And she said, let’s get Patrick. Even in my most excitable dream life, that thought hadn’t occurred to me as an option, and there it was.

DEADLINE: Ellen, what made you think of Patrick?

POMPEO: Patrick and I both have homes in Malibu, and we went for a hike one day. I had known that Krista wanted to do a beach thing, and I was at the beach. Patrick and I weren’t hiking on the beach, but we were hiking in Malibu, which, you can see the beach.

And the idea just struck me so I just said to him, would you ever consider coming and being a part of the storytelling this season? I know that Patrick has his foundation in Maine where he helps cancer patients and cancer survivors, and that’s a huge effort of his, and I know that it’s important to him, also, to give people hope, and give people joy, and we wanted to bring something to this moment.

There’s just so much darkness, and we knew that coming together would be a little ray of light. And so, I think we had the same idea, at the core, to want to help people and bring a smile to people’s faces. So, he loved the idea, and we were just so excited, and we had a ball filming it.

DEADLINE: Patrick, were you surprised when Ellen asked? What made you say yes?

DEMPSEY: I had a lot of calls from a lot of local government officials in Maine saying, we really need to get the message out there, to get people to socially distance, to wear a mask. I came across a photo that I was going to post that had Ellen and I, and I think that produced a call where I reached out to Ellen, and this was right around, the conversation was starting for Season 17. And Ellen’s like, let’s get together, I want to go over a couple things, I want to catch up.

We hadn’t spoken or been together for a while. It was a great opportunity to catch up and say, OK, what can we do for all the frontline responders? I’ve been tracking what Grey’s had been doing with giving masks, and making sure that people had the right equipment, and it came from that place — OK, what can we do to make people feel better, to give some comfort in this time of uncertainty, and that’s how it began. And it was really a wonderful experience to go back, to work with [director/EP] Debbie [Allen].

I think the whole atmosphere has changed, certainly working at the beach, and seeing everybody again was really a very healing process, and really rewarding, and a lot of fun. And hopefully, that feeling translates, and the fans enjoy it. I know that they’ve been wanting us to get back together, and I think this will satisfy a lot of people, and surprise a lot of people, hopefully.

DEADLINE: Was it easy to go back into character?

DEMPSEY: It was really enjoyable. It was really exciting, and fun, and it was great to see everybody. Kevin [McKidd, who directs Episode 3] was there as well, so there was a lot of familiar faces, a lot of new faces. The dynamic behind the camera had changed. There’s much more diversity within the crew. There was a nice balance, too, of equality that I was seeing. So, culturally, there was a lot of things that were different, that I thought were very positive and very inspiring, actually.

DEADLINE: Ellen, Patrick, did you filmed the beach scene together?

POMPEO: Yes.

DEADLINE: How was it looking at each other, on set, in character, after so many years?

DEMPSEY: Well, I have less eyesight than I used to, so (laughter). It was great. It was really fun, very special. it felt really comfortable, incredibly safe. The whole process, I have to say, from getting tested before even showing up to the set, the whole process in which we shot, I felt safe the whole time. You felt the crew was protected. We had the outdoor space, and it was easy.

POMPEO: It felt great. Patrick and I have this chemistry, where I think, even from when we first met, for some reason it just felt like we’ve known each other for a hundred years, and it’s just the same feeling. It’s like riding a bike, we just have a chemistry and a dynamic that’s always served us well, and I think we have a genuine affection for each other.

And it was very healing to come back, and know that we’re doing something good, putting out a positive story, a healing story, going to make people smile, and I think, for me, I’m really grateful for the opportunity to be able to be at this place in the show where we can do this. We constantly get to rewrite, I don’t want to say the ending, but we get to keep the rewrites going, which, I guess, you writers love, right?

They love to start over, to scrap it and rewrite it, and make it better, and that’s what’s fun about this process this far along, is getting the opportunity to work with Patrick again, and just coming up with ideas, how do we keep surprising the fans, and how do we keep the quality of the show up, is what makes it continue to be fun.

DEADLINE: How long is Patrick going to stick around for?

VERNOFF: It’s more than the one scene you saw, Nellie, and it was just joyful. I really want to echo that. Patrick and Ellen and I were all there at the beginning of this; I wasn’t there for the pilot, but I was there for the first seven seasons, and that was 17 years ago. That was, like, a lifetime ago; my kids weren’t alive. It was so wild to walk out on that beach, and just be together again as these different people that we are now. But I can’t overstate how joyful and healing an experience this was.

DEMPSEY: Yeah, for me as well. It was really special. It’s really hard to believe, 17 years, that’s remarkable. I mean, a lot of us didn’t have children at that point, right? So, our kids have grown up, they’re now in school. It’s crazy how much time has passed, but it really was so comforting, and lovely, and inspiring to go back, and to work together, to see everybody. It really was so open, too, that was the thing, really, people were very, I think, vulnerable in a positive way, where we were all grateful to be there and to be together.

DEADLINE: And you are game to do more episodes?

DEMPSEY: Yeah, it was fun, because I really love the message of what the dynamic is in this story. With everything that we’re dealing with right now, and certainly we have been distracted with the election, but we’re going to get back into the reality of COVID and being in a pandemic, and all the lives that have been lost. Where are these souls going? And I think that’s what attracted me to this storyline, I think it can be really helpful and healing to so many people.

POMPEO: I also think that, in a strange way, the behind the scenes of the show is certainly paralleling what we need, with the stories that we put out. What do we love about the show? We love that the show brings people together. We love that the show hopefully opens people’s minds, it opens people’s hearts, and I think that, in the running of the show and the making of the show, if we follow those same principles, if we follow the principles of love first, of acceptance, of open mind, open heart, forgiveness, all of it is, that’s the message of Grey’s.

And for us to be able to mirror that behind the scenes, and truly walk our walk and talk our talk with each other, those who created the show, I think, is a really amazing full-circle sort of story for a TV show that’s gone on this long.

DEADLINE: How hard was it to keep Patrick’s return a secret?

VERNOFF: I have to say that it was an epic feat, the keeping of this secret. I didn’t send cuts to the studio and network that included that last scene. I didn’t have writers’ assistants in the writers’ room for the last couple of months. There were writers who didn’t know we were doing this on that staff. Most of the actors didn’t know we were doing this. The crew didn’t know we were doing this when they showed up on the day.

I put the name “Ellis Grey” in the script that we read at the table, and I had Meredith say “Mom” at the table, so we got there on the day, and no one had been told what was happening. So, also watching the crew react, and [producer] Linda Klein, who’s been there from the beginning, we got Norman back, who was our amazing hair guy from the beginning [Norman T. Leavitt was makeup department head on ABC’s Grey’s Anatomy for the first 14 seasons]. I was like a crazy person with this secret. And Ellen and I were texting at all hours of the night, like, who knows, I think this person.

POMPEO: Absolutely.

DEADLINE: Will we see Ellis on the show this season?

VERNOFF: I don’t know. I don’t know. You have to tune in and see who comes to the beach. It’ll be a joyful discovery.

DEADLINE: Ellen, your character is dealing with a lot of tragic COVID deaths in the premiere. For you and Krista, will we see some tragedy within the ranks of the Grey Sloan staff too? A lot of medical professionals have lost their lives to COVID in real life.

POMPEO: I think we have a responsibility to really show what these healthcare workers have been going through. It’s so easy for a big part of the population to just be irritated with wearing a mask, and they’re sort of disconnected from what real doctors and nurses and anyone who works in a hospital are actually dealing with.

I don’t want to speak for Krista, but I think for me, certainly, I saw this as an opportunity to tell the story of how hard this is for our healthcare workers; it’s devastating for them. I think Krista will tell you that they’ve sat down with so many doctors and nurses, and they hear the stories, and they’re writing right from these stories that they’re hearing. And this has been devastating, and changed the medical community forever.

So we have to show, that’s our responsibility, to show what a struggle this is for healthcare workers, and continues to be as we see [COVID] numbers spiking again. We have to try to spread some empathy, and show people that this is very real, and it’s really hard, and the next time you want to complain about wearing a mask, think about what these people have to do. They have to wear a mask, they have to wear full PPE, full cappers. They literally have to do 50 things just to be able to perform their job.

DEADLINE: Krista?

VERNOFF: I have to say that I feel like Ellen did an extraordinary job in that premiere, paying respect to healthcare workers with her performance. The thing that she did is exactly what I’ve been talking about so much, which is that these doctors and nurses who come to the writers’ room every year. They are joyful and excited, and they’re always there to tell us these exciting stories. And this year, it felt like, it was the first time they were talking to anybody.

It was the first break they were taking. It was the first time anyone was asking them what they were living through, and to a person, it felt like they were on the verge of breaking. They were different people, and I felt like Ellen so beautifully embodied it throughout this episode, the change, what this pandemic is doing to people who were trained to help and heal, but not trained to walk through war, and not trained to lose dozens of patients, sometimes in a day.

It’s breaking them, and I feel like we’re already showing the strain and the impact, and yes, there will be more of that, and somehow, we’re also bringing joy. We’ve been carefully threading this needle, of paying honor and homage, and telling the truth of this story, while finding ways to also bring joy to the audience, and I’m really excited about Season 17.

DEADLINE: You’re not going to hint whether anyone on the show is in jeopardy, are you?

VERNOFF: Well, for sure, Nellie, for sure people are in jeopardy. Meredith collapses at the end of the premiere. People are in jeopardy, and multiple people are in jeopardy throughout the season, in myriad ways, because that’s the moment we’re living through.

DEADLINE: Ellen, should we read more into Meredith’s collapse in light of you figuring out your future on the show? You have said that you’re not sure what you’re going to do beyond this season.

POMPEO: You can’t read into anything. Really, that’s dangerous territory. I think that, collectively, we, or creatively, it’s the same this year as it always is. Is there a reason to continue? What stories do we have to tell? What characters do we have to bring back that gives us story to tell? I said in another interview last week, we’re always in this incredibly sweet spot with this show, for whatever reason.

We always have incredible circumstances that allow us to continue creatively, whether it’s ideas, or circumstances that happen. Our goal is just to make good TV. I think we’re all aware of the icon status of the show, we’re so aware of that, and I think that that’s why Patrick was so humble and so grateful to be able to come back, because we are very grateful that we have this huge platform. And I don’t think any of us take the platform that we have lightly.

And so, at this point, I think, we don’t know what we’re going to do. We know that we’re grateful, and we know that we want to show our gratitude, and grateful to each other making the show, that we’re able to keep continuing to grow, and to tell stories that we think are important, and getting this moment. Listen, who gets career runs like this? Patrick Dempsey’s been working since he’s … I know he’s been working off-camera even earlier, but I mean, when was your first role, Patrick, when you were 16 or 17?

DEMPSEY: Sixteen, 17, so 30 years.

POMPEO: Who gets a run like that? So, I just think that we’re incredibly grateful to be able to still be here, and be telling these stories that we feel are important, and we’ll see. Creatively, this is our heavy-lifting, to keep raising the bar for ourselves, but we’ve got something great, which is we’ve got gratitude, and we’re all smart, creative people. So, if there’s a way to figure it out, we certainly will.

DEMPSEY: The range of emotions, where you’re getting a chance to cry, but you’re also getting a chance to laugh, I think that’s a huge success in the storytelling. The whole ride has been remarkable on so many levels, being a part of this show for so many years, and it’s profoundly changed my life in so many ways. I’m very grateful for that, and hopefully to use that platform in a positive way, where you’re doing something good. And I’m grateful to be a part of this show at this particular moment in time.

DEADLINE: The premiere is set in April 2020. Krista, will the show fast forward to now?

VERNOFF: We’re not fast forwarding. We’re playing it through. So, by the time it’s airing, most of what we’re doing is almost a year ago, in the timeline. And there’s more joy.

DEMPSEY: Do you get into how the disease is treated over time as well? Do you get into how the science — and I think this is an important thing for us to remember and to really believe in the science, in the breakthroughs that they’re making on a daily basis. How do you track that, and has that been part of your conversation?

VERNOFF: It is. It’s a constant part of the conversation, and we have three doctors on staff now who come into the writers’ room most of the time, and we have a lot of conversations of even the evolution, what you see in terms of the protective gear that they’re wearing in the premiere versus the evolution of the protective gear, when are they treating with ventilators and when are they not. There were drug studies and drug trials, and we’re doing our best to be honest about that progress, and also the evolution in the hospitals.

Grey Sloan in the premiere has a special COVID ward, and these intake tents, and then, throughout the course of the season, other spaces evolve to hold COVID patients, and we’re hearing news about other hospitals. Washington was hit really hard early on. So, we’re trying to play through all of that.

DEMPSEY: Sorry, follow-up question, if I may. Do you get into the politics of the mask, and how that affects in a negative or a positive way? Do you go down that road at all?

VERNOFF: We try to stay away from overt politics, and the politicizing of the mask is a real thing that happened. So, we’re not talking about politicians. We just don’t do that at Grey’s Anatomy, partly because we want the show to be for everybody, and we don’t want it to become so polarizing, where it feels like we’re preaching from some particular pulpit. We’re just sticking with the science, and the reaction of doctors to the idea that people are not understanding and/or not believing that masks are imperative to protect other people and themselves.

So, we’re playing it through character, is the answer, like what an outrage it is for these doctors, who spend their lives and their all-day, every-day, trying to save people, to see human beings out there choosing not to protect their fellow human beings, because they’re not believing in science, and they’re not believing scientists.

DEADLINE: How is filming going? Grey’s was one of the first shows to shut down production early in the pandemic to protect the cast and crew. How is it now, with the new COVID wave? I write stories about shutdowns virtually every day.

VERNOFF: I mean, knocking wood, so far.

POMPEO: Good so far, yeah. We’re good. Of course, anything can happen at any moment, but I think that collectively, everybody’s really careful. And again, we’re trying to be mindful of one another, and we’re trying to be mindful of how we live our lives when we’re not at work, because that’s the smart thing to do, and we have to come to work and keep everybody safe. Nobody wants to get shut down.

VERNOFF: We’re really careful in our creating of the show, also, to help the actors feel safe. We shut down before other shows, we also came back to production before a lot of other shows, thanks to truly the leadership of Debbie Allen. There was some leadership from me, but for sure, it was guided by Debbie Allen going, if we don’t come back, we’re never going to come back, come on, Krista, we’re coming back. Set a date, set a date, set a date, where’s the scripts? Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go.

She kept saying, if you put a date on the calendar, we’re going to work toward it, and we’re going to figure out how to do it safely, and we really did figure out how to do it safely. We were lucky that we’re set in a hospital, so that our actors, when they’re working together tightly, can be in masks. But it was also my job, and the job of the writers, to come up with plans and motifs that allowed the audience to see the actors’ faces, and the actors to feel safe in that.

So, you didn’t just see a beach motif, which is a continuing motif through the season, and it was designed, that particular motif, so that Ellen could come to work without a mask and feel safe, because she’s outside; the epidemiologists have been clear about how much safer outside is. But you also saw, for the first time in 17 seasons, Meredith’s house back yard. We built a backyard set on the exterior of the lot, outside the writers’ bungalow, so that those actors could give us some no-mask time, and feel safe in the beginning.

And more and more, we’re understanding how to keep everyone safe indoors, so we’re getting a little bit more without masks indoors, but at the beginning, we had to really be creative, in terms of how are we doing this, how are we keeping ourselves safe, how are we helping them feel safe, and how are we giving the fans a show that’s joyful in addition to true.

DEADLINE: And one final question: is there any hope for Teddy and Owen?

VERNOFF: Teddy is doing good. They’ve got a long haul, Nellie. If there’s hope for them, it’s in the ethers, but you know, I didn’t have a lot of hope that Patrick Dempsey was going to be back on Grey’s Anatomy last year, and look where we are. So…

[a-force-dyad-in-space]

A continued rant of Breaking Dawn Part 2 - Part 1

Just so you know, I was SO CLOSE to finishing this post when Chrome fucking froze on me and I couldn’t get it going again and I couldn’t save what I’d worked on so far, so now I have to rewrite the entire thing from memory, love that for me.  😭😭😭😭😭😭 Tumblr didn’t want to save everything, though, so I had to split it up. Link to Part 2 is at the end.

Well, @diamondkissle and @edwardssparklyskin asked for it and it’s Christmas, so they shall receive. Happy Holidays, guys. I present to you my continued rant of Breaking Dawn Part 2. I will pick up where I left off in the last post, after Bella’s sparkle faint glimmer scene.

So, going straight into it, we got one of my bigger annoyances, and that is this right here:

Um, Carlisle, sweetie, what are you writing that down for?? You have?? Like?? Perfect Recall?? You’re probably gonna remember every single measurement by yourself for like?? Centuries?? Like Bella could ask you five hundred years from now what height Renesmee was at 4PM on Day 5 and you would be able to tell her??? From memory??? What is the notepad for??

Also the terrible CGI on those kids’ faces is just sad. I know they wanted all of them to look like the same child but they could have tried to find more kids who look similar to Mackenzie Foy instead of that obviously fake face replacement, since most of them only show up for literally only a second. Just yikes. I’m not adding screencaps of those here, you guys know what they look like.

One positive thing I will say is that I liked that they didn’t make Bella’s eyes go straight from red to gold, but instead used one or two hues in between until they arrived at gold, like this one during the snowflake-catching scene:

Then of course we have Irina snitching on the Cullens and Caius giving us his cringey but still iconic sarcastic “Hm?”, which just ... well, it is what it is.

And now. AND NOW. We’re going into one of my biggest annoyances of this movie, and I call it SCENES THAT WERE OBVIOUSLY SHOT IN DIRECT SUNLIGHT BUT FOR SOME FUCKING REASON NONE OF THE VAMPIRES SPARKLE. 

Part 1.

For this we are heading up into lovely Alaska where Edward, Bella and Jacob are taking Renesmee to the Denali coven to ask for their support. Now, when Edward steps out of the car, you see that lovely halo around his hair?

Am I the only one who sees this and sees DIRECT SUNLIGHT? Like, if this were overcast his hair would not light up that much on the edges, right???

KATE IS EVEN FUCKING SQUINTING BECAUSE THERE’S SO MUCH LIGHT, HOW IS THIS NOT DIRECT SUNLIGHT????

WHY IS

THERE NO

SPARKLING????????

WE WERE ROBBED. We deserved to 1. get a proper sparkle scene of Bella in the first place and 2. see some of the other vampires sparkle as well. Where is my Alice sparkle scene??? My Esme sparkle scene??? My Emmett sparkle scene???

But yeah, let’s move on, right? Straight into SCENES THAT WERE OBVIOUSLY SHOT IN DIRECT SUNLIGHT BUT FOR SOME FUCKING REASON NONE OF THE VAMPIRES SPARKLE. 

Part 2.

For this we’re heading over to sunny Cairo, where the sun may not be shining down directly on our characters, BUT my point still stands because of this:

You see that lovely light coming through the window? That’s direct sunlight, baby. And even coming through a window it should bounce off vamp skin at least a little bit and make it at the very least glimmer a bit, right?

And yet

Nada. Not even a faint glimmer. Fuck this.

Moving on, we got something that is not exactly a critique so much as an observation. So when we first meet Benjamin and when Benjamin first meets Renesmee, his eyes are very red, as expected. 

But then later, when he declares that he will fight with the Cullens, should it come to it, his eyes look at little more orange to me.

Do you guys think that’s because he’s growing thirsty and they’re darkening, or do you think (which definitely would be interesting) that he hunted animals at least some of the time while visiting (which would go against Amun’s principles) and that’s why the eye color is slightly different?

Next up, the Volturi’s a bit strange interaction with Toshiro.

This is where we see Alec’s power for the first time and while I get that they wanted to visualize it for the audience, I feel like they could have done it differently and still gotten the point across without resorting to literal black smoke. Not sure I’m really happy with it, the way it looks.

One funny thing, though, is the fact that Aro looks like he’s offering Toshiro to join their Victorian goth metal band, lol.

Then we have another strange choice they made with this movie, and that is the way Alistair looks at Bella. Like, here we have him seeing her for the first time, and being quite antagonistic and hostile and a lone wolf

Flash forward to when Bella succeeds with her shield projection for the first time and we have him looking at her like this

Is it just me or does this scream more than just plain being impressed by her abilities? I mean, even though no two shields are exactly the same, they’re not super rare or anything, so why would he look at her like that? It’s weird.

And then of course we have this awkward interaction between them after she returns from her meeting with J. Jenks.

I know part of it is him believing she’s not being genuine about the whole situation with Renesmee and their impending confrontation with the Volturi, but to see him take so much interest in her when he literally doesn’t give a shit about anyone but Carlisle (otherwise he wouldn’t have come in the first place), is really, really odd to me.

Speaking of Bella, another thing that bugs me. When she drops off Jacob and Renesmee at Charlie’s on her way to her meeting with J. Jenks, it’s apparently okay for her not to wear brown contacts, even though?? She’s supposed to be?? Stealthy with Charlie?? If I remember correctly (and correct me if I’m wrong), she always wore brown contacts around Charlie in the book (and she does again later in the movie, too, where Charlie is the only one who doesn’t know she’s a vampire specifically), but here apparently it’s okay even though they’re clearly visible???

But then, when she meets with J. Jenks, who has never seen her before, she puts contacts in??? Even though JJ has no fucking clue gold isn’t her normal eye color?? Even though the Cullens run around humans with golden eyes all the fucking time because no one knows their human eye colors???

MAKE IT MAKE SENSE.

And speaking of the J. Jenks bit. I know they couldn't spend too much time on it, so they decided to do it in one fell swoop, and that's fine, but I still wish we could have gotten the whole part of her finding his office and talking to the guy on the street and everything. Bummer.

Next up, ah, Christmas. How fitting for today. xD So, the Christmas scene is another one that frustrates me a bit. I mean the whole Bedward giving Charlie tickets to go fishing out of town bit and him being like "You guys wanna get rid of me or something?" is quite funny. But like??? Seth and Leah are here, too??? And all we see of them is the back of their heads???

We don't even get a glimpse of them from the front??? Not a tiny bit of awkward conversation between Leah and Bella? Not one clever quip by Seth about anything?? We were robbed, I'm telling you, ROBBED.

This is the end of Part 1. Here is Part 2.

[shinsorokiri]

UA Idol | Chapter Sixteen

Hitoshi Shinsou x Reader

Word Count: 2,290

Warnings: Language, hangover, mentions of throwing up, SO VERY SOFT

A/N: First chapter I will be posting today!! I’m expecting to post chapter seventeen in like seven hours because I want to make that one extra long like maybe 4,000 or so words (but no promises, Imma try though). There’s a lot that happened in this chapter, and I’m really happy I decided to rewrite it because holy SHIT I like this one better. I hope you enjoy it!!! Expect another chapter tonight! Thank you everyone for your support as well, it makes me so happy and I love all of you! 🥺

───────────────────────────────────

You were woken up by the noise of your hotel door being slammed open and Denki yelling, “NO FUCKING WAY!” at the top of his lungs. You grumble, your head already hurt enough you didn’t need him making it worse. Besides being woken up like that is not a fun time. You wanted to stay in this oddly warm hotel bed longer. These blankets really made you feel like you were asleep with someone. Someone who smelled a lot like Shinsou. Huh, weird, why is that – OH MY GOD.

You both make eye contact at the same time, your faces both instantly getting red and your eyes wide. Before you can ask him what the hell happened, a look of panic flashes across his face before he genuinely sprints to the bathroom, the alcohol he ingested finding its way out of his body. You groan, the sound is making you feel a little nauseous, but you can hold in there. You just have a killer headache. “Woah, I’ve never seen him this hungover before,” Denki says to himself, slowly closing the door to give Shinsou some privacy while he faces the consequences of his actions. You groan, turning to look at Denki. He’s also hungover, and he definitely ran here after just leaping out of bed. “What do you want.”

You’re being blunt. You’re not in the mood. You just wanted to sleep, your head hurt, and your bed was cold now. “You, (Y/f/n) and Hitoshi Shinsou slept in the same bed together!” he exclaims, and, finally, Mina stirs. How she is such a heavy sleeper is beyond you. “Yeah. We were drunk, he probably just like, passed out or something,” you mumble, pulling the covers over your head when Mina clinks the bedside lamp on. Light hurt you. “Denki? When did you get here?” Mina asks, very confused and you groan. “He literally ran in here and screamed how the hell did you not hear him?”

“Because I was asleep.”

“Oh, my god.” You hear the bathroom door open, and then Denki says, “Oh, good to know you’re still alive.” Shinsou just grunts in response, sitting on the edge of your bed. “I should probably go back to our room. I feel like shit,” he mumbles, leaning over to rest his head in hihs hands. “No, actually, you just stay here. Mina and I made plans last night over text to go buy some designer clothes and clear out our bank accounts because we are young, dumb, and like designer clothes,” Denki says, and Mina, albeit also hungover, understands immediately that Denki is trying as hard as he possibly can to ensure that the two of you stay in the same room. Shinsou sighs. “Whatever. I can’t just stay in Mina and (Y/n)’s room, I’ll just–”

“Of course, you can!” Mina jumps in, popping out of bed and grabbing some clothes from her suitcase. Even though the chances were she and Denki would go to his room and recover before actually going shopping, she had to A) make it convincing that they were leaving and B) grab clothes for when they actually went. “You can take my bed! Or, you could just stay in bed with (Y/n). I mean, her bed is closer to the bathroom so you’d probably wanna stay there,” she suggests, and he grumbles. Before he can protest again, he feels your knee lightly hit his back. He pauses for a moment, but Mina and Denki take the pause as him agreeing. “Okay, cool! Great! We’ll see you two when y’all aren’t zombies! The medicine is in the bathroom, you should both take it!” With that, Denki and Mina rush out of the door and Shinsou sighs. He stands, wandering over to Mina’s bed before he’s stopped by your voice. “Shin, just stay in this bed. Like Mina said, it’s closer to the bathroom. And we shared it last night, it’s not a big deal.”

Oh, if only you knew what that just did to his heart. He absolutely doesn’t say no to you, and crawls under the covers immediately. He buries his head into the pillow as he feels you shift around to turn the lamp Mina turned on off. “No more light.”

“Thank fucking god,” he says, and you let out a small snort. “I’m sorry, I didn’t force you to take medicine last night apparently,” you mumble, and he sighs. “I must have forced you. You seem to be doing better than me.”

“Only by like 5%. Maybe. I’ll go grab the medicine and get us some water, that’s supposed to help,” you say, slowly getting out of bed. Unfortunately, the medicine he gave you didn’t work as well as you’d hoped. As soon as you stood up, you were immediately nauseous. Now it was your turn to sprint to the bathroom. Shinsou, being the gentleman he is, rushed in after you, instantly beginning to rub your back and make sure you were okay as you threw up. As much as his body wanted to also do what you were doing, somehow his care and worry for you cancelled it out. As long as he focused completely on you, everything would be okay. After you were done, he filled a cup of water, handing it to you to drink. “Maybe we should wait to take the medicine so we know it will actually stay down,” he suggests, sitting on the bathroom floor next to you. You nod. “I want to go back to bed, but I do not want to move from this spot,” you sigh, resting your head on the toilet seat. He stands, fighting off the nausea, and goes and grabs the blankets the two of you were bundled in last night. He brings them back, plopping down next to you and wrapping them around both of you. You find yourself melting into him, seeking out the warmth his body radiates as well as the comfort he never fails to give you. He wraps his arm around your body, humming as he pulls you against the wall so you’re both propped up in a more comfortable position. “Thank you,” you whisper, and he shrugs. “Anything for you,” he mumbles, quiet enough so only he could hear what he actually said. You just heard some type of grumble.

Before you know it, you both doze off in that position, only waking up every so often to face the downside of too much alcohol. You were both woken up at seven in the morning. It’s now nearing eleven in the morning. Luckily, the both of you were feeling a bit better. You both took medicine, thoroughly rinsed your mouths with mouthwash and water, and ventured back to your bed, but still kept the lights off. You laid down and found yourself gravitating toward Shinsou again. He complied almost instantly, opening his arms as soon as he felt like he was in a comfortable enough position to doze off while still having you in his arms.

He knows this is strange. He knows that two friends shouldn’t be holding each other after a night of drinking. But it’s you. Even if the two of you are just friends, he would do literally anything for you. He just didn’t want to admit it. Sadly, though, you’ve caught on to it just as well as he has. “What are we doing?” he hears you mumble, and he shrugs. “Seeking comfort in a desperate time?” he suggests, and you feel yourself smile. But, no. As much as that could be an answer, that wasn’t why the two of you were so attached to each other. “Seriously, Shinsou. What’s going on with this?”

He pauses. How does he answer. He can’t come out and tell you how he really feels, can he? I mean, yeah, he likes you. He’s known for a while. But he knows how much you hate relationships. He knows your last boyfriend hurt you, of course he doesn’t know exactly how but knowing that you were hurt is enough. And listening to your songs, he can piece together just how bad of a person this guy was.

And yeah, you like him. A lot. But you couldn’t deal with another heartbreak. You really couldn’t, truly you think you’d rather die. But every time you tried to stop thinking about him, he flooded your thoughts again. And every time you talked yourself out of wanting him, the next moment you talked to him you wanted him all over again. The connection the two of you had was a weird one. And you’d be lying if you said you didn’t find everything about him attractive. “I… I really don’t know. I just… can’t get enough of you,” he answers, quietly, but truthfully. You shift around so you can look at him. He bites his lip, and you purse yours. “Can’t get enough of me, huh?” you tease, and he smiles softly. “I don’t want to ruin what we have,” he really doesn’t. But truthfully, he should face the rejection now and move on with his life later than fall even more for you, “but I have to say, (Y/n). I’ve never met someone quite like you. I mean, your talent, your personality, your… everything. It’s… very addicting and honestly, I just can’t get enough of you. Even right now. There are some things I would love to do with you right now,” he says, his eyes darting to your lips. He wonders what it would be like to kiss you. Of course, this isn’t the first time he’s wondered. He has actually wondered quite a lot. Funny, he tried to push all those thoughts away but right now, he knows he can’t do that anymore.

“Hmmm,” you make a noise, your face contorting into your thinking face. He knows that face pretty well now. He sees it a lot. When you’re writing lyrics, when Mina asks a question, when you’re trying to figure out what chord progression to use in this new song you wrote, a bunch of different situations. And even though he thinks it’s adorable, his heart is beating way too fast with anxiety. He doesn’t expect you to want him back, he just hopes your friendship isn’t fucked. You’re quite literally, one of the best things that has ever happened to him. “Well, this is a predicament,” you mumble, and he raises an eyebrow. “Huh?” He’s confused. What do you mean by–

“I’m supposed to be the resident relationship hater and here I am, liking someone. A lot. This is a predicament. But it’s a predicament I am willing to live with.” He stares at you for a moment. Did you just… confess back…? “You mean…?”

“We can… have something between us. Under two conditions.”

“What conditions?” He’s way too eager to have whatever this is between you two continue, and he knows it. But he can’t help it. The things you do to him just aren’t fair. “We don’t put a label on it or tell anyone, no one else needs to know, especially Mina and Denki because then we wouldn’t hear the end of it.”

“Agreed.”

“And… no falling in love with each other. Okay? Just… a strong attraction towards each other, yeah?”

No falling in love. He should have seen that one coming. That will be… difficult, to say the least. But he understands where you’re coming from. He doesn’t want to fall in love either. That means another person to worry about, and call him selfish, but he really just… couldn’t handle that. He already had to worry about his mom every day. Adding you to that would be unfair to all parties involved. He nods. “Yeah.”

“Okay. Okay, cool.”

“Yep.”

“Sweet.”

“Question.”

“Answer?”

“Can I kiss you. Right now. Please?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

And with that, he leans down, finally pressing his lips against yours. He’s kissed a few people in his day, and he’s good at it, but he’s never felt the feeling he got from a kiss quite like the feeling he got kissing you. He swore his hear was about to beat out of his chest, but so was yours. You were feeling the exact same way he was. Something about him was just… intoxicating and this kiss? Well, you imagine that this is what a first high would feel like. You’re going to want so many more afterwards. When you both pull away, you just stare at each other for a moment, before he breaks into a grin, and kisses your nose. “You look cute after I kiss you,” he says, and you roll your eyes. “And suddenly, noise is making my head hurt even worse,” you say, causing him to snort. “Hmmm, then how about you make me shut up?” he says, and you smirk. “Gladly.”

Thank GOD Mina and Denki were nowhere near you two. They would never let either of you live down what’s happening. Being quiet with this wouldn’t be that hard, in fact, a lot of it was going to be fairly easy. The two of you were already quite touchy feely with each other, so what exactly is going to change? Shinsou doesn’t seem to be the type to be big on PDA from what you know about him, so it’s not like he’s just randomly going to pull you in for a kiss. Besides, even if he did, you two don’t have a label. Just friends with… benefits. But maybe not the sexual part of that. Though you wouldn’t mind if that part was included. You fell asleep in his arms again. This was something you were getting used to, and he was, too.

[softpine]

this is a ridiculously long one, i’m sorry! i broke it into sections so it’s easier to find your ask

[not related to the current simblr issue]

@tastelesscolors​ ahhhhhhhh i can’t even tell you how happy this made me, this is the sweetest thing 🥺 i’ve always wanted to make people see the world differently through my writing (because in writing this, i’ve also started to see the world differently) so that’s a HUGE compliment!! thank you so so much!! 💖💖💖

i don’t think i understand what this means jfksjd sorry that happened to you though :(

considering i had to rewrite some of my plot because it just wasn’t fitting right.... me too 😅 jskdjs but thank you!! i’m glad you’re interested 💖

fjskdjs me!

omg i wish i could help, but the only mullet i can think of off the top of my head is this one. otherwise i have no idea, that’s why i had to make asa’s myself :( i’m sorry!!

i would rather not share, somehow people twist it into something else even if just post the number and give zero input about it. i don’t pay attention to numbers anyway, it stresses me out :/

[about my horrific chemistry exam lmfao]

@orphyd​ i love u more nia 🥺🥺💖💖💖

thank you!! i think i would need more luck than the entire universe contains but 😅 i appreciate it 💖

thank you so much 🥺 i’m trying to stay positive and hope that the next test will be better, but honestly i’m already resigning myself to the fact that i’ll have to retake this one too. i wish i could blame it on the pandemic but this has been happening much longer than covid fjksjds but it’s okay!! i’ll finish it one way or another, i’m committed! thank you again for reaching out 💖💖

sjksjd i don’t cheat, but thank you! 💖💖 i just want to get on with my life and get a job and actually have something of my own for once... i feel like i’ve been in college for 20932092 billion years :(

thank you so much, i needed to hear this 🥺💖 i sent my professor an email right after the test, basically just explaining that i wasn’t trying to insult her with my horrible score lmao. i had her for chemistry 1 last year (the semester that i actually passed it lmaoo) so she already knows that i struggle with chemistry, but i just feel like not only did i let myself down, but i also let her down. it’s been especially hard not having classes in-person because a 20 minute zoom meeting just isn’t the same as a real lecture :( i don’t know what else she could possibly do for me, i just really..... REALLY suck at chemistry :( but i appreciate you reaching out, it feels good to just be reminded that i’m more than this one class 💗

[related to the current simblr issues]

trigger warning for: racism, antisemitism, bullying (of minors), etc.

here’s the briefest summary i can manage:

oliveandoak & simvicii used to be popular simblrs last year. they started a discord. that discord included many other popular simblrs. in that discord, they all participated in things like racism, antisemitism, bullying of minors, targeted hate, etc. [more proof]. none of these people came forward or reported the behavior that was happening in the discord. now that they’ve been called out, lots of them are posting apologies, but you have to wonder how sincere they could possibly be, given that some of them helped write oliveandoak’s apology and called it “damage control”... so that’s a super quick summary! i suggest reading all the screenshots if you want further proof

i’m genuinely very sorry that this topic is triggering for you, but i’ve already been tagging everything with the appropriate tags (racism tw, antisemitism tw, bullying tw, etc.) and i feel it would be disrespectful for me to tag it as anything else (like drama tw, because it’s not drama, it’s much more than that). i also miss my dash being full of creativity and love, but right now we’re seeing that pushing everything under the rug doesn’t help anyone. i would recommend taking a hiatus if this is negatively affecting your mental health, and i’m truly sorry that this situation is triggering

literally!! i can’t even describe how angry i was this morning when i woke up to see that list including multiple people who had dm’ed me yesterday (pretending that they were innocent & that they all stood up to oliveandoak when in reality they were actively participating in everything). their apologies mean absolutely nothing considering they couldn’t even own up to me privately. they’re just covering their asses and i feel so stupid for trusting them even for a moment

yeah i’ve never thought about leaving simblr until now tbh. i’m still not going to leave until my story is done, but this has made me realize that 1. people suck, 2. the internet makes it even easier for people to suck :( i’m so sorry that you don’t feel safe or welcome on simblr, i can’t even imagine how this must feel for anyone affected. just know that i love and support you and if there’s anything i can possibly do to make you feel more welcome, let me know 💖

literally me!! i’ve never used discord (except with irl friends) and i’m definitely not about to start now. can’t trust anyone!

@bb-enablefreebuild​ omg thank you, but it’s okay! it’s not about me. i just feel sad that people used me as a mouth piece and i trusted them when they said they were just being manipulated in that group. when really they were manipulating me haha. but now i know better 🤷🏻‍♀️ ily!! 💖

[choicest]

Unnerving

Author's Note: A rewrite of today's chapter. It’s really long since I missed that Harris guy but it’s okay now since they are okay. There’s also a little intimate part so read responsibly. Thank you for being here!

Pairing: Noah x MC

MC

When she went back to the small igloo, Noah has already left that's why she's running towards the parking lot now, even though she still doesn't know what to say to him if ever he's still there. MC beams as she saw that one particular figure before her, his back facing her but she's positive it is him. She knows by heart it is him. She takes her time slowing her breath before approaching him but as she sees Noah picking up his helmet, she immediately shouts, still quite panting.

Noah

"Noah!" It was her. He would always recognize that voice no matter how loud the world is. Noah faces MC, smiling uncontrollably as she looks at him but that look on his face vanishes as quickly as he realizes that maybe the reason why she's here is not the reason he was hoping for.

"MC? What are you doing here?" MC moves closer to him, steadying herself.

"Noah, I'm sorry. I’m sorry for avoiding you ever since the Homecoming. I want to be with you again, whether be friends with you again, or more, or whatever that was we had, we have." MC says hurriedly as if the clock is ticking.

Noah gives her a confused look. He was pretty sure that if he tells her about his past, he'd lost her completely and he convinced himself to believe that since when he started feeling more for this girl.

MC

"Noah, please say something." MC says nervously as she waited for a response.

Noah looks on the ground before speaking. "Even after everything I just told you?"

"Even after everything. I'm sorry, Noah. I was hurt to see you guys hurting each other but I didn't realize that I'm hurting you also, especially you."

Tears fall down her cheeks as she realizes how much pain she caused him. While she knows that that hurt she felt was valid, she didn't recognize she's transferring that pain to him. MC is the only person Noah let in and the moment one thing went wrong, she left his side.

Noah

Noah cautiously reaches for her hand, holding it firmly as he started talking.

"I was so afraid to tell you the truth, you know? Whenever I catch myself with you, doing our thing, becoming closer each day, I knew I'd have to tell you.” Noah pause, he doesn’t know how to continue on this path.

MC squeezes his hand encouraging him.

“I was ashamed, ashamed of myself for committing a horrible mistake. And mostly, I was afraid, MC. Afraid I'd lose you completely. You have Mason and you're a great person. The moment I lose your attention, other guys would already be waiting for you."

What MC do next surprise him. MC wraps her arms around him and hugs him so tight Noah almost forgot about everything.

"Shh. Deep breaths. I'm here." She rubs his back comfortingly.

Noah rests his head in the crook of her neck. What a great feeling it is to be held by the person you deeply care for. He hugs her back letting her heartbeat guide him.

After a few moments, they separated. MC fixes his hair as he studies her features. He likes it when she takes care of him but he can't say that to her. At least, not yet.

"Noah, I know what I want is not that easy but I meant what I said earlier. I'm going to earn your trust again..."

He cuts her by hugging her again. This time he makes sure she feels it too. He makes sure that through it, she’d feel everything is going to be okay.

"Starting over would demand so much time. Let's just pick up where we left off."

~

Noah

He sees her nervously moving her hands. Noah pokes MC in her side as they stand on the porch.

“Hey, you okay?”

“Are you sure about this?”

“Positive. MC, do you remember the time your dad met me?” he asks her trying to calm her nerves.

“How could I forget? I became an instant tutor.” They both chuckle at the memory.

Noah takes her hand and laces his fingers with hers.

“Relax., Elijah doesn’t live here anymore. Plus, all the important ladies in my life in one place… What’s the worst that could happen?”

MC smiles warmly at him as he opens the door.

~

“Ma? I brought a friend.”

“I see someone’s made up with my son. You must be MC.”

“You must be Ms. Harris. It’s nice to finally meet you.” MC excitedly greets his mother.

MC notices what his mom was doing and offered her some help. Noah smiles appreciating the gesture.

“It’s okay, dear. I’ll manage. You too, though I wish it were under prettier circumstances.”

MC

“I would offer you something to drink but…”

Noah immediately reacts as his mother gestures to the fridge. Ms. Harris let out her frustration as she shares what’s happening. MC can see how embarrassed she is but she doesn’t mind. It’s how the people treat another that would always matter to her, one thing she loves about Noah. Even if everyone around him treats him less, he doesn’t stoop to their level and stays kind at the same time still knowing when to defend himself whenever people become too much.

“You’re worn out, Ma. Go take a nap, I’ll take care of this.”

Noah

Ms. Harris gives MC a polite look but MC just shakes her head.

“I really don’t mind, Ms. Harris. We’ll just wake you up for dinner.” MC smiles genuinely at Ma which she returns.

“I think I’ll take you up on that offer, then. Prepare to be grilled later, MC.”

Noah searches MC’s face and sees a look of shock. He knows that by the look her Ma gives him, she’s already got her approval but teasing her is too fun to pass.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean for this to be the first thing you saw walking in.”

“Hey, it’s okay. I actually like it. I mean, your dynamic with your Ma.”

Noah smiles at her. Every time he thinks he couldn’t fall in love more with this girl, she goes and does something to prove him wrong.

“Where’s your sister by the way?”

The pile of blankets beside them suddenly shakes then a little girl appears.

“Present!”

Noah laughs as he saw that look on MC’s face again.

“MC, meet my sister, Hazel.”

“Hello! Are you Noah’s girlfriend?”

MC eyes search to meet Noah’s eyes. When they locked eyes, he just gives her his signature smirk.

“Well, yeah. I think so. Something like that.”

MC’s face turns slightly red as she avoids Noah’s gaze, knowing he’s looking at her only makes the situation more embarrassing for her.

Your small introduction with the two ladies was interrupted when a loud bang knocks repeatedly at your front door. And you’re very sure this wouldn’t be the last time.

MC

The inconsiderate landlord shouts at the Harris family when they open the door but Noah was able to talk some sense into him. MC watch as Hazel admires his brother take care of his family and she’s not the only one. This is the Noah she wants to get to know. Big brother Noah, son Noah, family’s man Noah. Only a few minutes at their home, and she discovered a side of him that’s making her love him more.

As she watches Noah take care of his family, his reaction earlier when she hugs him finally makes sense. Noah has to grow up quickly to look after his sister. He didn’t get as much time as she gets to enjoy life. Smiling, she made a promise to herself.

As Noah walks back to the living room, MC catches his hands, squeezes it tightly and thought to herself. “I’m here, Noah. You now have someone who will also take care of you.”

Noah

As he closes the door, all he wants for now is to know what MC is thinking. Is she not liking what she has seen so far? But every gear inside his head stops when MC holds his hands. There’s a look on her face he can’t quite comprehend but whatever she is thinking right now, he’s positive it’s not because of what she has seen.

~

Noah

“I can’t wait to test you, MC!”

“Test me?” Noah smirks as MC makes that look again.

“Hazel hates wimpy girls who don’t try at sports.”

I smile as MC takes a deep breath. She really wants to get my family’s approval and that makes me so happy. It makes me feel that she really cares about me.

She stands effortlessly before the lane. Noah’s sensing she’s actually good at bowling and just decided to give Hazel the highlight of the day. She settled in her place, preparing to aim but stands straight again to his surprise.

MC gives Noah a playful look and says “Noah, it’s been forever since I went bowling. I’m not sure I remember how…” she battled her lashes at Noah, who rolled his eyes before going to her side.

“First of all, knock that goofy smirk off your face. Next bring the ball up by your chin, like this.”

The quarterback missed this. Teasing each other, exchanging meaningful glances, basically being them.

After scoring a strike Hazel goes to the bathroom shouting at Noah to wait for her.

MC

MC catches Noah searching the area, as she’s about to ask him why, she felt his breath against her ear.

“I know we just made up but… damn, I wish we could be a little reckless.”

“What were you thinking?” MC says challenging.

“I’d really like to kiss you.” Noah responds, looking her straight in the eyes.

“Really?” MC wraps her hand on his arm, leveling with him.

“I’d kiss you hard, baby.”

“What are you waiting fo…”

Noah

Noah didn’t even wait for her to finish. He holds her hands guiding them to his back, letting her touch him.

He wraps a strong arm around her waist, his other hand holding her neck. Just like he promised, Noah kisses her hard. He smiles as she let out a small moan.

“Shh, we’re in a public place.” Noah says as he softly bites her neck.

Noah smiles as he’s rewarded with another small moan.

MC

“Noah…”

“I’m right here, baby.”

Noah goes back to kissing her lips, sliding his tongue into her seconds after. It’s him who’s making a sound now.

“I’ve missed this, MC.” he says in between kisses.

“Me too, Noah. Me too.”

Noah

The two of them smile at each other as they pant.

“How do I look?” MC asks.

“Radiant. Is this really the time to be fishing for compliments?”

MC playfully jab at his side and he smacked her with that grin.

“I mean do I look normal? Not like I just made out with you?”

Noah smirks and as if nothing happened, they continue with the game.

MC won the game and Hazel love her for it. After earning a stamp from each other, the three of them happily get back home to start cooking dinner.

Noah let Hazel help him and MC prepare dinner after promising she’ll be quiet to not wake up their Ma. Not long after they are all sitting at the dining table talking like one happy family.

MC

As Noah put Hazel into bed, Ms. Harris started talking to MC.

“I like you, MC...” she smiles sincerely at the teenager.

“But I don’t like seeing my son like that.” MC shyly looks on the ground. She’s about to say something but Ms. Harris continues.

“Now, don’t get me wrong, honey. All I’m saying is that the next time you guys go through something, be there for each other. You won’t solve anything by staying away from each other.”

Ms. Harris puts a hand in her shoulder. “I can see you’re a good person and you make my son happy. It’s okay.”

When Ms. Harris smiles warmly at her, MC finally relaxes. She’s definitely not grilling her. She’s just being a mom who’s looking out for her son.

“I hear you, Ms. Harris. Thank you.”

Noah

Noah helps MC removes her helmet. They looked into each other not saying anything, just quietly enjoying each other’s company. Finally, MC speaks.

“Thanks for the ride, Jeff Goldblum.”

“You’re welcome.”

The quarterback watches her as she walks towards the porch. Not being able to stop himself, he catches her hands making her look back to him.

“You forgot something.”

“I did?”

“Yeah, you forgot this.”

Noah holds her chin then kisses her sweetly this time.

“Good night, beautiful.”