#yeah yeah people were delusional 4 years ago

[peridotite]

Yang is more feminine than Blake though?

girl you totally just looked into the replies on that post LOL i was just reading them

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

I'm not sure you need people to announce that they're just here for fun? it's tumblr...surely that can be assumed?

i dunno sometimes it seems like when you say this stuff it's a bit of a straw man argument because I don't really see anyone on here taking this stuff that seriously. we are not larries! no one is claiming Paul's kids are fake or anything lmao. yes people like to look at the history but again it's tumblr, it's just for fun.

maybe there is a whole other delusional side to beatles tumblr that i am not seeing, but i think maybe if people are getting mad when you argue with their dumb little posts it's just cause they think that you, in fact, DO want to spoil the party!

I have been waiting for someone to make this joke ever since I got that url. Have had to make it myself often <3

1. "we are not larries" is an incredibly low bar.

2. the specific contents of theories isn't the only thing that makes them conspiratorial. it's about the way they're argued.

3. Actually, I am thinking of One Specific Event from about a year and a half ago that was treated as people "spoiling the party" when in fact it was an example of good faith engagement with a seriously worded discussion post.* Maybe you missed that, and it's not like it's a super common occurrence. But in hindsight, I don't find it surprising given the climate here.

*I can provide more details on this specific thing in DMs if someone is curious. I don't wanna hash it out on main, especially since I was only peripherally involved.

4. This isn't about whether tumblr is your space to have fandom fun – I do assume that. It's about whether someone is making arguments in jest or if they mean them seriously. Both of these things might be fun to someone (but maybe I could have worded that point better in the original tags).

5. No, no fake kids, and this fandom isn't plagued by a central figure who's to blame for all the "bad stuff". Plus, it's "decentralized", so no singular entity is controlling some super specific narrative. This definitely keeps the space in check. That's part of it though: it's all very sociological, which makes my issue difficult to address because most single posts aren't a problem in of themselves, but there's a tangible vibe to the whole thing. That's also why I want to tread lightly here; I know a lot of it is a joke, but it's hard to tell what isn't. Like, yeah, I've been passive-aggressive lately, but I've also been watching this for a long time. And I regularly see things I perceive as a strawman against my position as well as absolutist rhetoric, which reads just as much as picking a fight as any of my recent posts do. If you talk about there only being "one explanation" for something, what is that, other than putting forward your theory as true? Is it really Not Serious? Every time? Even when the post is presented in a serious way, with sources and evidence? People on this site talk about what they expect Mark Lewisohn to include in his Definitely Trying To Be Serious And Factful biography series. Those demands are never serious? And I don't want to just ruin people's fun for no reason! But I also have a hard time dismissing every single thing that Sounds Kind Of Serious as Probably A Joke (and I do do it, pretty regularly) And I semi-often see people doing things that set off my alarm bells, even when they are not proclaiming Stella McCartney to be a lifelong actress. (reminder that several people on here freaked about the For Paul tapes story being semi-debunked last November; like actively scorned people who were trying to figure out how that story came about and where it originated. That's not normal, sorry to say! And, funnily enough, about a year ago, there was a blog on here pushing a very very very esotheric version of McLennon [and even trying to monetize it] and while most people dismissed them for the kook they were, they splashed onto the tumblr scene in an identical way [saying something that amounted to: "how dare you imply this apocryphal Paul McCartney quote might be fake?"] –––– so my question is: is it not that serious? I Don't Know You Tell Me!)

6. This is @ me mostly, I guess. I just feel like this space has become more and more of a monoculture. Shipping is the default angle with which everything is approached. If John and Paul write songs that are maybe not about each other that's not often seen as worth diving into. (See: Beautiful Boy tinhatting). I actually want to try and change this; get more diverse content on this site, but I guess I assume it's not welcome, which is on me, really. I have slides explaining my specific reading of Double Fantasy (yes, seriously) and there isn't really much stopping me from posting them, outside the fact that most people on here seem to have a very different relationship to the songs from the album than I do, so I assume they won't care. But y'know, I'll try to just Make More Content and see what that does. (For the record I know that sounds whiny. And I do seriously want to do better on that front)

[fourth-dimensional-thinker]

The “Time Is a Flat Circle” Mega-Post

I’d like to start by saying I really don’t know how other people read fan-fiction. I, personally, tend to just be a one-and-done kind of person. Unless I forgot what happened, I don’t constantly go back and re-read chapters of a multi-chapter work whenever it gets updated. I also don’t know how every fic writer works. I know some people plan meticulously and others will just add chapters on a whim.

I am a thorough planner (mostly).

Time Is a Flat Circle took me months to write, but also weeks to plan. It was made with the intent to be re-read. I wanted there to be a different experience for when you re-read it after you learn the information revealed at the end.

So, I made a very, very long guide to all those details to look out for if you ever want to re-read it.

Foreshadowing of the time loop

1) The photograph of Marty with Copernicus

This scene from Chapter 19:

The teenager reaches out and the terrier lets himself be scooped up off the ground. Copernicus licks Marty as thanks for lifting him. Marty grins broadly from the canine’s affection and moves to find a high surface to deposit Doctor Brown's dog. Just as he turns around, the flashbulb blinds him. He blinks once, twice, and then places Copernicus back on the floor so he can rub his eyes.

“That’s going to come out really blurry,” he tells the doctor.

“I’d still like to keep it; something to remember you by.”

was foreshadowed in Chapter 2:

“We’re debating if this guy looks like you.”

Marty squints at the black and white photo that he’s holding. The image shows an older teenage boy holding a dog in his arms. The picture appears to be taken in a moment in time where the boy was fidgeting around with energetic joy instead of being in a ready pose. His face is left blurry, but from what can be made out, his features aren’t too distinct from Marty’s.

“Kinda,” he tries to say nonchalantly. Marty puts it back on the shelf and walks away from it; the photograph unsettles him deeply.

2) The family portrait in Doc’s home

This scene from Chapter 13:

He also notices how, in all the portraits and photographs in the home, Erhardt Brown’s face shows up in none of them. If the judge originally appeared in any pictures, his face was cut out or painted over– and using his first impression of the man, Marty doesn’t hold the vandalism against Doctor Brown.

was foreshadowed in Chapter 2:

Marty stares at a family portrait while the other boys move on to the next room. In this photo, there are three bodies: a father’s, a mother’s, and their child’s. However, only two pairs of eyes look back at him; the father’s face has been completely painted over in the portrait.

3) The initial pain from flux capacitors

This comment from Chapter 2:

“You’re not going to want to be awake for this process, my boy,” Doctor Brown explains as he picks up Marty’s unconscious body, “it’s going to hurt tremendously.”

becomes relevant again in Chapter 17:

Marty almost gasps once the bandages fully come off; there are Y-shaped scars rooted in both of Doctor Brown’s palms.

“You have them too…”

“Yes, and I cannot express how painful they are,” he rasps. “Please tell me–don’t actually– that you weren’t conscious when you were given these.”

4) Doc and Lorraine’s phone conversation

This bit of conversation between them in Chapter 3:

Lorraine seethes. “You're beyond delusional if you think scarring my child was anything but an attack.”

“Those are a gift,” he claims. “It pains me that you think I would hurt your son, Lorraine. Don't you remember all those years ago when–?”

“I didn't know what you were back then.”

...is a reference to Doc’s meeting with Lorraine and baby Marty in all of Chapter 21.

5) The wooden horse that Marty gifts Doc

This scene in Chapter 8:

“And– oh! I also wanted to give you something too.” Marty rustles through his bag.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I saw it in a store.”

Marty offers the horse carving towards his [Emmett’s] free hand.

and this scene from Chapter 10:

Marty spots the horse carving posing proudly on the credenza. The wooden animal has been coated in dark paint with an even darker mane, tail, and hooves. The eyes are detailed with the illusion of having life.

“You painted it,” Marty notes once Emmett has cautiously brought himself next to him. “It's a nice job– really nice.”

were foreshadowed in Chapter 4:

Across town, the mad scientist puts back a small carving of a horse on his bookshelf. The little wooden figure is decades old, but has an incredible sentimental value that makes the Hope Diamond look worthless.

6) The little canary nickname

This scene in Chapter 16 (which also titled “Canary”!):

“I can make jokes, too, little canary.” [Doctor Brown says]

Marty pauses for a moment. The smile fades.

“That’s an, um, interesting thing to call someone.”

was foreshadowed in Chapter 5:

“If you try to come near me again, I’ll hang up and call the cops on you,” Marty threatens.

“This town’s law enforcement community won’t be helping you, little canary,” he says matter-of-factly. “They’re too inept to do anything but distribute parking tickets at this point.”

7) The title

I think it speaks for itself.

Hints that Doc has not turned good

1) The investigation team

When Needles mentions the rumor of the four murders that Doc is supposedly responsible for in Chapter 2:

Needles grabs his arm before Marty can fully make it out the door. “So soon? We’re in the home of a man who killed at least four people. We have an inspection to finish.”

it’s a reference to the investigation team in Chapters 24 & 25:

What was just described to the teen was the investigation team of 1978, a staple of his childhood stories. Albert Wickham was a senior police officer with over twenty years on the job under his belt. Nicole “Nicky” Newton was a budding librarian and the youngest of the bunch. Nathan Baran and Caroline Snider were both staff at the local newspaper. No one from Marty’s time has seen them in years.

2) The glass of water chapter

As we have established in Chapter 25:

“Don’t move,” he [Doc] orders. “This is the danger of quickly changing the temperature of a room.”

Emmett steadies his hands, takes a quick breath, and yanks away the heat of his kitchen.

A harsh wave of cold knocks into both of them. A faint crack is heard before the glass violently shatters asunder. Shards of ice and glass whizz in all directions. The broken pieces rain down on the floor and table top with a twinkling clatter. Underneath the table, they stay safe from the precipitation of ice and glass.

They don’t leave the shelter of the table long after the last shard landed.

“Woah,” Marty gasps. The exclamation leaves his mouth as a puff of vapor.

“When water freezes, it crystallizes, causing it to expand and break its container. What we can do with our power can match the abilities of a freezer more than tenfold,” the doctor says as they emerge from the table. “Do you understand why I don’t want it to leave our hands, Marty?”

But, before that, when Doc is meeting with the investigation team, we see them all close to some sort of glass container that’s filled with water:

Snider is huddled by the windows, next to the small collection of limp yellow plants that sit in overwatered glass vases. Newton and Baran stand on guard at either side of a long side table. The only object on the table is a large glass fish tank that houses no aquatic life.

[...]

Wickham then returns to his original spot with a full glass in his hands.

And then the meeting ends on this sentence:

Emmett smiles coolly. “Now that we’re all here,” he says, fidgeting with the hem of one of his gloves, “I believe your explanation is due…”

3) The guppies

As an extension of the glass of water scene, one of the investigation team member’s guppies ends up in Doc’s house after his meeting:

He turns towards Baran. “You own a fish tank with no fish,” the scientist observes. When the other man silently stares him down, Emmett defends, “I’m only trying to make small talk, Mr. Baran.”

“I’m cleaning the tank later,” Baran gruffly answers. “The fish are in another container in the kitchen.”

“Are they difficult to care for?”

“Guppies? No.”

[...]

“Hey, when did you get fish, Doctor Brown?” “Last night,” he shouts back, “I was inspired by the meeting to take them in.”

4) Adelina, Doc and Sara’s pet cat

Adelina is a symbol of the future Doc in 1940. They share white hair, a deep interest in Marty, and a “love language” that comes off as disturbing to Marty.

As seen in Chapter 10 & 11:

Adelina strolls in. Marty glances down at her and she returns it with a deep, interested stare.

[...]

Across the room, Adelina is resting, coiled up near the fireplace. The glow of the hearth dyes her long white fur to a golden orange. She peers pointedly at him again with her big and inquisitive eyes. Marty turns on his back to look at the pale ceiling instead; their cat’s potent stare bothers him.

[...]

“What the hell?!” he shrieks, recoiling on the sofa.

Emmett comes back over and glances down at the tiny corpse. “Oh, Adelina’s already leaving you gifts.”

Still tightly curled on the couch, Marty asks incredulously: “That's a gift?”

“Yes, I know it can seem cruel, but it’s her way of showing affection.”

[...]

When he steps out of the bathroom, Marty almost steps on Adelina. The white-haired feline is sitting right in front of the doorframe, looking up at him with hopeful eyes. She trots after him when he passes by her and goes to the kitchen.

[...]

Adelina leaps onto his lap in a fluffy blur. Marty lifts his hands up slightly in a half-surrendered gesture to avoid touching her. The teenager has never been a cat person; he’s heard tales of horror from his aunt about what obnoxious menaces they can be and has witnessed the proof of her clawed forearms. Adelina decides to curl up on him, a white ball with hair held up with static electricity.

5) The painting scene in Chapter 22

So, in this chapter, pretty much everything related to painting is representative of either Doc or Marty’s emotions. I’m not going to talk about everything, since it would involve copying and pasting almost half of the chapter in here. But, one of the ways of showing that Doc hasn’t changed is with deserts. They’re used to show his inner personality, with both of them considered to be dangerous and hostile to life. Doc finds beauty and application in deserts while Marty is weary of them:

“So, why deserts?” Marty asks.

“They’re common settings for Westerns– excuse me.”

“Yeah, but some of them don’t have any horses or people in them,” the teen notes, then quickly moves aside to let Doctor Brown have access to a cabinet.

“I’ve also learned to appreciate the hidden beauty of the environment itself. Most of what lives in the desert comes out at night: jackrabbits, tortoises, toads, owls–”

“–coyotes, mountain lions, scorpions.”

“Yes, all native fauna of that habitat. Many people see the deserts as a harsh, barren landscape– would you fill up those two jars with water?–but underneath all of the thorns and storms is its rich life.”

“Most people would still die in them.”

Doctor Brown gives him an amused look. “That’s a likely fate to the inexperienced wanderer. However, I’ve read stories, tales of adventures, where someone determined enough uses his will and wits to make it through the night– especially at the skepticism of others.” He rolls out a long, thin sheet of paper over the table before turning back to Marty. “Could you see yourself surviving in the desert?”

The other one is color symbolism. The most prominent one for Doc is using red for his hidden anger. Him using that color shows up after Marty talks about his not-so-good relationship with his family:

“It’s just– it’s just that we– we fight sometimes and don’t really get along a lot of times. I don’t hate my family, Doctor Brown, but…” he [Marty] confesses, “...it'd be nice to get away from home every now and then…”

Marty glances over the scientist’s canvas. An aggravated, angry, bull-enraging color is dominating the canvas.

“You’re using an awful lot of red,” he comments.

[...]

He checks on Doctor Brown’s progress. The outraged red color had been masked well and blended into the other hues in with his horizon.

And just to hammer things home, Doc ends the chapter with this line:

“[Do] Whatever the hell you want; it’s art. You could make it complete nonsense or plan something so intricately complicated that people can’t see the hidden messages right under their noses.”

Misc things I just wanted to point out

1) In Chapter 21, when Doc tells Lorraine:

“I remember almost every conversation I’ve had. I can recall things back from when I was twenty-nine, twenty, seventeen, you name it.”

those are all the previous ages he was when Marty visited him in 1937, 1940, and 1949. I used 1920 as Doc’s birth year for this fic

2) This line from Chapter 4:

Despite his best efforts at cramming, Marty can’t distinguish a secant from a cosecant or remember which president was blamed for the Great Depression or draw a force diagram or remember the prefixes for scientific units or conjugate irregular verbs in Spanish or remember what polysyndeton is.

is an example of polysyndeton.

3) This minor mentioned character from Chapter 1:

When he [Marty] joins The Pinheads, he hears about Doctor Brown again. He's sitting in the bed of a pickup truck with his bandmates and Donnie, their drummer's older cousin and acting roadie.

is an oc I made for a writing request.

Other fun facts

I rewrote Chapter 5 & 6 each three times

Older versions of this fic had chapters were Marty went to 1941, 1953, 1960, and 1969

Marty breaking into Doc’s house, the flux capacitor scars + taking in outside energy, and the glass of water scene are the only elements that have survived since draft one

That being said, I had started working on the glass of water chapter months before it was published

I have even older concepts of a darker Doc before I came to the version of him in Time Is a Flat Circle

In the older versions, Doc is still affectionate and protective of Marty in his own unhinged way... but was also just straight up murdering people on behalf of his best friend

After that, I added a “no killing rule” to him and ended up liking that twisted version of him better

I also wrote a snippet of a “sequel” fic while I was still writing “Time Is a Flat Circle”. It involves... a grave misuse of spiders...

A full, planned out sequel is still in the imagination phase. I currently have nothing actually written down yet

[somenamewithepineapple]

tagged by the unbelievably funny @awordwasthebeginning and it only took me five to twenty business days to answer , that's a win!

1. Are you named after anyone?

Nope

2. When was the last time you cried?

two weeks ago maybe? tough times babe

3. Do you have kids?

Nay

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Yeah...

5. What sports do you play/have you played?

handball, swimming, volleyball, basketball, zumba, dance thingy and I've been meaning to start some form of martial arts for years now

6. What’s the first thing you notice about other people?

good question I think the first thing i notice is the general vibe the person gives off

7. What’s your eye colour?

blue with a white ring around the iris

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings, I'm a softie

9. Any special talents?

uhm I'm pretty good at bullshitting my way through things

10. Where were you born?

in a different state

11. What are your hobbies?

reading, discussing (my mum always wanted me to be a lawyer because i like it that much), watching stuff and then talking about it in what i branded the "show-club" (like a book club but with tv shows), playing sports (emphasis on playing because i only do fun sports), artsy stuff

12. Do you have any pets?

not yet

13. How tall are you?

1,74cm

14. Favourite subject in school?

politics/economics, p.e. and english

15. Dream job?

something international (if i'm allowed to be delusional: diplomat)

tagging @blue-aconite, @myalchod, @nyctophilic0vitnir, @shadowofnight, @brickedupbookcase and @agenraldinosaur

but no pressure ofc

[icesteelabyss]

As someone who knew someone who believed birds were government drones? Yeah, this. I asked them a lot about why they thought this, and I learned a lot. They were paranoid about being constantly watched. They said any birds that were roadkill were planted by the government to keep people from realizing. I myself believed for the longest time that I had parasites and the reason no one was helping me is because I was a test subject for the research of a new parasite. Sometimes it isn't just that they don't understand, sometimes they are paranoid and have delusional beliefs. Shaming people for how they think is not just harmful, it can further alienate them. If you told me 4 years ago that I didn't have parasites inside me and that I'm just a moron, I would have freaked out and my delusional belief would have spiraled because it somehow proves that whoever is experimenting on me wants to know what "keeping the parasites in me" would do. Don't shame people, just try to figure out why they think the way they do and try to genuinely help them. It took me years, as well as lots of help to get over my delusion, and same thing with my friend.

I really like what this physicist, Lamar Glover, has to say in Behind the Curve. 

+ this part from Spiros Michalakis:

[purplesurveys]

1883

What were you doing one hour ago? I was probably going on Instagram in the middle of taking a survey.

Where were your parents born? Somewhere in the city metro for my mom; somewhere in the outskirts of the metro for my dad.

Have you ever used public transportation to get to work? The most I've done is booking a Grab to the office during my coding days; but no, I've never commuted to work.

What do you miss the most from before Covid times? My friendships were more 'alive' and accessible at the time. We all graduated mid-Covid and are all sort of living our own lives now. It's understandable now, of course, being older myself; but it's something I find myself missing from time to time.

What has been the best thing to happen to you in the past year? I've managed to travel to three countries in a single year. That leaves me feeling so happy and grateful.

Who do you have listed as emergency contacts in your phone? I don't have any on my phone, but on documents and IDs and stuff I place my mom.

Are you prone to jealousy? Honestly, like not even close these days. I no longer pay attention to people's lives as much as I used to. I focus on and am grateful for whatever it is I have and go through.

How did you get through the lowest point in your life? BTS sort of barged in and literally made me start smiling and laughing again. That's why the way I explain it to others is that my admiration for them goes beyond fangirling and squealing over looks – they've been like lifelong friends who made me want to do and be better, not for them, but for myself. I respect them a lot for what they've done for me.

Have you ever been someone's first love? I don't know. I think?

Have you ever played frisbee golf? Nah. I've played ultimate but not that variation.

What is your favorite silly, feel-good movie? 13 Going on 30 and White Chicks.

How old were you when you got your first gaming console, and what kind was it? I never had my own because I was never serious about video games, but my first console memories were with the PS1. I started regularly watching my family play it when I was 3 or 4.

Who in your family has the coolest job? Tbh I think I do LOL, but apart from me I have an uncle who is well-connected with history NGOs as his main advocacy is to get Filipino prehistoric culture more known. He also runs his own Facebook page that has thousands of followers, where he posts photos from past centuries and archaeological finds.

Is cereal technically a soup? It's not. The 'soup' part is just milk. Soup in itself is a dish that's made with different ingredients.

Have you found your first gray hairs yet? They started showing up when I was around 11 or 12, but it's always just been one or two at a time.

What is something that drains your energy really quickly? Clients that either have unrealistic needs and are delusional-ly enthusiastic about said needs; or act super conceitedly. Or worse, conceited clients who have unrealistic needs.

Did you parents teach you how to make a budget before you moved out on your own? They never taught me stuff about money, which in my personal opinion is partly why I performed so badly with my salaries for my first two years of working haha. I had literal zero savings until last year, when I finally realized I had to straighten up. Fortunately it's all good now, but I was definitely a nightmare spender for a while.

What is your favorite food to put gravy on? Fried chicken!!!

Do you know anyone from Canada? Yeah so many Filipinos migrate to Canada. Most recently in my circle, it was Trina, Jat, and Ysa last year; and my mom's closest work friend's family is now also in the process of migrating one by one since they finally got approved to do so. I think the dad had his flight yesterday, with the mom and kids expected to follow suit eventually.

What's your opinion on astrology? Not real. You do you, but it's a topic I never want to cover in a conversation.

Do you use TikTok? Just for work. I almost never use it in my personal life.

What do you have going on the rest of the day? Surveys and RhyHi.

[vividaway]

my thoughts, and reiterations about gabbie from twitter.

i'm saying this as a fan of gabbie, AND as someone who's been in bipolar psychosis before: hate her all you want. But whats happening with Gabbie Hanna right now has NOTHING to do with drama, NOTHING to do with attention, and NOTHING to do with her music. people spreading that rumor are genuinely bordering on ableism and refuse to do their own research. 1. gabbie's been diagnosed for a little under a year, so she's still trying to find stability.

2. gabbie is PERSONALLY anti-pharma (she gets paranoid about what she's putting into her body, but has no opinions about others who medicate)

3. gabbie's album came out a month ago, and she was one of the first female independent artists to hit the top of the rock charts. gabbie doesn't NEED drama for her music to succeed, nor would this benefit her in any way HAD it been staged.

4. gabbie's BIGGEST, BIGGEST fear is (in her own words) "to go crazy, and not realize it". anyone who's up to date on her tiktoks knows EXACTLY why that statement is beyond terrifying, and how it BEYOND applies to this situation. 5. the argument that "gabbie has done this before" is just plain wrong. gabbie has published a MULTITUDE of videos about the depressive side of her bipolar, but she has ALWAYS gone offline when she got manic.

6. the argument that "gabbie admitted that she's just trolling" is also incorrect. in 2020-2021 gabbie started posting tiktoks (which are now viral) which were taken as her being in a manic state. gabbie tried to tell people a MULTITUDE of times that she wasn't manic, and people refused to listen. this is different from gabbie saying she isnt manic NOW, because gabbie wasnt in PSYCHOSIS in 2020-2021 like she is now. she wasnt DELUSIONAL in 2020-2021 like she is now.

the tiktoks in question were the ones of her in the car, shouting. her "i'm back, bitches" tiktok, and her tiktok where she was dressed like this:

---

i want to include some words copied DIRECTLY from twitter, because they are ABSOLUTELY CORRECT.

the gabbie hanna thing is making me realize how many of y'all have zero understanding of mental health beyond depression and anxiety (if even that) "if she wanted help she would get it" during a psychotic episode/hallucinations you don't think anything is wrong and often refuse

mental illness is considered an illness for a reason. it’s suddenly no longer offered sympathy when it does not present in a way that’s acceptable or pretty and “quirky”. gabbie hanna is literally not well, hold her accountable when she’s in the headspace to realize her wrongs

“hold gabbie hanna accountable” you cannot hold someone going through actual fcking psychosis accountable for anything. this is not just mania. this is a psychotic break. she is entirely disconnected from reality.

every time gabbie hanna starts trending, it reminds me how most people only care about mental health if it's romanticizable, and not self-destructve and ugly like a lot of issues are

fun fact, you can be worried for gabbie hanna's mental state atm and still be pissed that she's saying racist shit like this isn't mutually exclusive. is she saying terrible things because of her psychotic episode? yeah most likely. am i still upset she's saying these terrible things? obviously. am i still worried for her health and hope someone helps her quickly? she's still human, of course i want her to get help

yeah, regardless of how you feel about gabbie hanna and all the shit she's done in the past, can we please stop saying that people reveal their true, "deep down" feelings when they're manic? it's inaccurate and unhelpful

the way y’all are talking about gabbie hanna rn proves that the majority of you really have no clue what real, severe mental/psychotic breaks look like. y’all are so “mental health awareness!” until said mental health manifests in a way that makes you uncomfortable……

The thing some of y’all need to remember about this gabbie hanna situation is that even bad people deserve mental healthcare. Let her come through the other side of this episode before you expect her to address it and apologize. It might be a while. Be patient.

the gabbie hanna situation is a good reminder that we as a society lack the proper skills and resources to support people in psychosis (as it appears she is in) if you find yourself helping someone experiencing psychosis, here are some tips:

-do NOT try to rationalize delusions/beliefs. you’re not gonna convince them, and it’ll strain your ability to communicate -speak in calm and short sentences. don’t freak out. don’t laugh at them -empathize and validate their emotions. psychosis can be absolutely terrifying

-if possible, pull them aside to a safe, comfortable place. offer water/snacks/etc -discuss resources. offer to take them to the ER or call a crisis support line for them. however, if they refuse treatment do NOT threaten or coerce. only call 911 if they are in immediate danger

-they may refuse help at the moment. allow them to do so. they still have autonomy. tell them that the offer stands and that if they ever change their mind you are there for them. coercion and threatening may ruin your chance at helping them, paranoia is common with psychosis

-lastly, remember that people in psychosis are MUCH more likely to be a victim of violence than the other way around. they are in an extremely vulnerable state that is easily taken advantage of

on calling 911: -it’s not helpful, and can be harmful, if you call 911 on someone in psychosis with no risk of harm to themselves or others -determining level of risk as a layperson is hard. if there is not immediate danger (i.e. standing on the edge of the roof) a crisis line

may be more suitable. they may tell you to call 911 -just bc you call 911 doesn’t automatically mean the person will be involuntarily hospitalized. there are people in ERs who are trained in determining risk of harm -IT IS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY! when in doubt, call 911

resources available: -911 -988 (a US national hotline for mental health crises) -local community mental health centers -local crisis hotlines -ERs. if you live by a psych ER that’s even better -mental health crisis centers (if there are any around) -their therapist/psychiatrist

[spideysirens]

Patient Session Record #2 "The Sphinx"

[Dr. Malta]: "Good day, how are you feeling today, Sphinx?" [The Sphinx]: "Bored. Half of the lunatics in this place can't even form a full sentence. I haven't had a conversation in two days. Not that they would have anything interesting to say, most of them are delusional." [Dr. Malta]: "So you're not socializing with the other patients, how do you spend your free time?" [The Sphinx]: "Reading, mostly, but I have to say your catalog of books leaves much to be desired." [Dr. Malta]: "We should receive some new books soon." [The Sphinx]: Don't lie to me, doctor. This place barely has the budget to keep the lights on. [Dr. Malta]: "Anyway… Today I wanted to talk about how it started." [The Sphinx]: "You need to be more specific." [Dr. Malta]: "How The Sphinx started."

[Dr. Malta]: "As far as I know, you were a Anthropology teacher at Gotham University, you lived a quiet life, few friends, no close relatives…"

[The Sphinx]: "I'm extremely select about the people I call 'friends'. And my family… they're all in Greece."

[Dr. Malta]: "But then out of nowhere… you started committing crimes. The puzzles, the traps… can you tell me about it?" [The Sphinx]: "It wasn't out of nowhere!" Helena raises her voice "It all has a reason." [Dr. Malta]: "..." [The Sphinx]: "Ask me what's the reason."

[Dr. Malta]: *sigh* What was the reason, Sphinx? [The Sphinx]: "Four years ago, he appeared. The Batman. People were scared at first but quickly everybody changed their minds. He became the savior of Gotham, taking down the most feared criminals and serial killers, but that wasn't what was bothering me…" [Dr. Malta]: "What was bothering you?" [The Sphinx]: "The World's Greatest Detective" she makes quotes with her fingers "That just drives me MAD. He might be good in a fight, he might have fancy gadgets, but Batman is not as smart as everyone thought, and I had to prove it." [Dr. Malta]: "That's when you started the riddles?"

[The Sphinx]: "I'll get there. Let me talk. No. No, first I simply would solve any crime he was investigating."

[Dr. Malta]: "… What?" [The Sphinx]: "Yeah, yeah… like Professor Pyg! That one was interesting, I figured out Lazlo's identity and location three days before Batman, and without getting my hands dirty, of course. Oh, and there was the Mad Hatter, the Bat took soooo long to connect the dots between him and 'Alice'. I solved it one week before him. If he was as smart as me, he could've saved 4 more lives. But he's not." [Dr. Malta]: "So… you solved these crimes, you figured out who the killers were before the Batman, and you did nothing with that information? You could've called the GCPD, you could've saved these people's lives!"

[The Sphinx]: "I didn't want to do that." [Dr. Malta]: "Then why? Why would you solve these crimes if you wouldn't help anyone?" [The Sphinx]: "Just to prove I could" *she says smiling, like it's the most obvious thing in the world*

Patient Session Record #1 "The Sphinx"

[Dr. Malta]: Hello, Helena. My name is Dr. Malta, how are you feeling today? [The Sphinx]: Annoyed. You can call me Sphinx. [Dr. Malta]: Why is that? Don't you like your own name? [The Sphinx]: (Sigh) I just went through so much trouble to hide my identity and become the Sphinx, it would be a shame if everyone started calling me by my birth name. But, no, I actually do like my name. It's quite different from other names here in Gotham. You probably feel the same about yours, right, Eduardo?

[Dr. Malta]: (...)

[The Sphinx]: (Chuckles) It's a brazillian name, right? Your parents are from down there but you were born here, are you still in touch? [Dr. Malta]: You arrived here last night, Ms. Daskalakis, how do you know such things about me? [The Sphinx]: Well… I knew there was a tiny chance I would end up in this Asylum, so I did my research on the staff just in case. I'm quite honored that they chose the most qualified professional to deal with me. You have two PhDs in… [Dr. Malta]: I think you got your point across… Sphinx. (She smiles)

[itsclydebitches]

Hey there! Admittedly I'm a little bit nervous since this is my first ask, but I'll try to not be too rambly.

So, recently the main subreddit, r/RWBY, made a ban on active users of the r/RWBYcritics subreddit. As a result there's been discussion around bad-faith criticism in the latter subreddit. What are your takes on bad-faith criticism?

For me personally, I think a bunch of people are misusing the term "bad-faith" and using it as a way to shut down criticism, but I'm curious to hear your thoughts on it.

Hey there, everyone! We woke up to some drama this morning, huh? And hello to you too, Tortoise! I'm so glad you decided to send in an ask, even if it's following some pretty tumultuous events...

Right, I'd like to start with a story. The story of how I personally don't spend time on Reddit, but I have plenty of friends who will occasionally cross-post something for me to see. Yesterday (or the day before? Idk time is meaningless) a friend told me about a post — which, significantly, I'm now having trouble finding — that covers RWBY's inconsistent writing and the fandom's tendency to try and explain away those missteps. They'd thought I'd be interested because I'd just had a conversation here on tumblr where I made that exact point to someone who, also significantly, vehemently disagreed with me, but in a very civil fashion. Given everything going on, I feel like this side point needs emphasis: we debated, we did so in a sometimes heated, but nevertheless respectful manner, it was clear neither of us was going to sway the other, and the conversation ended. The two "sides" of the community interacted without Armageddon coming about.

But back to the purpose of this tale. I went to take a look at this point and found that it no longer exists. There's just some vague message about it not obeying the subreddit's rules. "What happened?" I asked. "Why'd they take the post down?" "People were getting too heated in the comments," my friend replies. So, given that the comments were still visible, I proceeded to read through them, expecting personal attacks, slurs, harassment, etc. Any number of things that would justify deleting the post itself to put an end to such behavior. Instead, I found a thread of people having a conversation. Was the conversation heated at times? Sure. Did one or two individual posters edge into the realm of petulant, "No. You're wrong and stupid" responses? Yes. Was any of this remotely what I was expecting given the post's removal? NOPE.

"This isn't allowed?" I said. "Well then what is? People were being civil! Or at least as civil as hundreds of strangers ever get when discussing a series they're passionate about online."

Then, this morning, I hear that the entire critic subreddit has been banned.

So to answer your question, Tortoise, I don't actually think that "good faith" criticism exists. Meaning, it's not just that fans are misusing the term "bad faith criticism," but rather that there is no unified, agreed up method of writing criticism that will meet their standards. It's not possible and we know it's not possible because fans have been trying to meet those elusive standards for years:

A fan posts nothing but praise for RWBY until changes make them criticize the show as it is now. Their entire body of work is dismissed as the product of a "hater," despite the overwhelming gap between positive and negative reviews.

A fan posts a review that's a pretty balanced mix between praise and criticism. They're dismissed because it's still too much criticism.

A fan posts a review that's 99% praise with 1% criticism. That's still too much, with fans focusing on the single problem they had with the work and using it as an excuse to dismiss the entire review out of hand.

(As an aside, the argument that critics are "obsessed" with only saying negative things and that the only problem here is that they're "too" negative ignores the argument that... RWBY has a lot of flaws nowadays. Few are willing to acknowledge the possibility that it's not fans insisting on making things up to be mad about/ignoring the good parts of the show, it's the that show is, as of now, legitimately more of a mess than it is a praise-worthy product. If I'd been writing recaps in the Volumes 1-4 days, my work would have been skewed far more towards the positive. The critics' stance is that RWBY has gotten worse, which yes, results a higher volume of critical posts. To say nothing of how criticism takes far longer to explain, likewise resulting in posts focused primarily on that side of the divide. I really enjoyed the image of a crying Jaune reflected in his sword. I did not enjoy that moment's context. Saying that you liked an animation choice is a one sentence thing. Explaining the complexities of Jaune securing emotional moments, the problems with Penny's second death, the hurt many fans experienced watching an assisted suicide, etc. takes a whooole lot longer. Hence, you get massive, multiple posts about these nuanced topics and fewer, smaller posts about the details that are working well.)

A fan talks about a topic that has been metaphorically banned by the fandom as a whole. They have something good to say about Ironwood. They dislike something about Blake/Yang. They enjoyed Adam as a character. They have a problem with Ruby's leadership, etc. There's a whole list of topics nowadays that will result in an automatic dismissal, regardless of the point the fan is trying to make or how well they make it.

A fan talks about the minority representation of RWBY — its black characters, its queer characters, its disabled characters, etc. — and as a result has something to say about the biases and missteps of those writing these characters. This is considered an attack on the writers and, therefore, automatically bad.

A fan talks about how they enjoyed RWBY as it was years ago and is having trouble reconciling the dark, complicated story with the simple, hopeful one we started out with. This is seen as an attack on Monty's vision and an unwillingness to accept that "everything is planned."

A fan does as asked and ensures that their post is meeting all the requirements of "real" criticism. They have an argument to make. They have a point. They provide evidence. They recommend a solution. They keep their tone respectful. They don't attack the creators. They provide disclaimers in every single paragraph about how they do not hate RWBY. It doesn't matter. They're considered too negative.

I have, quite literally, seen every one of the above examples on multiple occasions. I have had many of the above accusations leveled at my own work. When fans say that they're fine with criticism provided it's not "bad faith" criticism, they don't actually have a specific post-type in mind; a checklist of behaviors another fan can emulate and, provided they do that, no hate will come their way. Or, if an individual fan does actually go, "Yeah. That criticism I'm fine with" that response is in no way universal. One person's "They make a good, civil point" is another person's, "Omg stop bashing the show!" Because "bashing" has come to mean everything from curse-laden insults towards everything RWBY has ever done, to posts that just happen to say something other fans don't agree with.

It's a rigged game. There is no way to post criticism about RWBY in an agreed-upon, appropriate manner. This recent ban is proof of that. I think it's incredibly telling that almost immediately after I was going, "Wow. A pretty calm debate about the flaws of RWBY in the main sub. That's great to see," all posters from the criticism subreddit were banned. The main sub literally just had the sort of criticism that they claim to accept — people respectfully posting analysis-based arguments resulting in calm debate — and yet they implemented the ban anyway. I'm not going to pretend that I've never gotten too heated on my own posts, never made snarky comments when I'm frustrated, never used exaggerated reaction GIFs that can come across as insulting... but I'd say on the whole my RWBY work is precisely the sort of "good faith" criticism that other fans are supposedly looking for. I never make an argument I don't think I can back up with evidence. I try to allow for the nuance and differing opinions of complicated topics. I try — even if I don't always succeed — to write in a clear, respectful manner. Yet none of that work has stopped people from telling me I'm a "bitter... raging asshole," a "deranged, delusional psychopath," telling me to set myself on fire, threatening to smash my head in, or just messages to straight up kill myself. If someone like me who legitimately works hard to create fair, defendable criticism and who only ever posts on a personal blog that people can easily block, who never engages in debate until someone else starts it first, never seeks out other fans I disagree with to harass them about what they like... if someone like me is still a "bad faith" critic who "deserves" that kind of hate mail... then what kind of criticism do people want?

Nothing. That's the answer. No criticism whatsoever, of any kind, no matter if it's delivered respectfully, is making a good point, whatever. That's why "RWDE" was created. That's why the critic subreddit was created. The community at large has demanded a complete separation between Praise and Anything That's Not 100% Praise, which has now resulted in this ban. Any other explanations we see are excuses, which becomes glaringly obvious when you look at the mods' supposed reasons for implementing the ban:

"Constant arguments with r/RWBY users" - As opposed to the arguments surrounding things like shipping that never, ever happen?

"Vote manipulation and comment brigades" - The subreddit with 3,000 participants, with around 200 on at a time, is manipulating the votes of a subreddit with 155,000 participants, with over 1,000 on at a time? Those numbers just do not check out. If a positive post is downvoted, or a critical post upvoted, maybe that's because large swaths of the community actually agree/disagree with that assessment, not because the incredibly smaller group is somehow manipulating things.

"Attacking and harassing those they disagree with" — Again, as opposed to those non-critics that never, ever harass people? This is an individual problem, not a community problem. Both critics and non-critics have their sub-groups acting in ways they shouldn't. If anything, the main sub will have more individuals harassing other fans, simply by virtue of being so much larger. As the above examples attest, it's not other critics who have told me to light myself on fire and, just to be clear, the asks I've responded to are a miniscule number compared to the amount I've received. I delete the lion's share for my own sanity and to save my followers from reading the really graphic threats.

"Months-long NSFL spam brigades" — I am, admittedly, not sure what this is referring to. Spamming of NSFW content? If so, that's also an individual problem.

"Homophobic, transphobic, and racist attacks towards our users" — See the above points. Again. If someone is being homophobic, transphobic, or racist, then yes please, ban them. Don't ban an entire community for the actions of a few. It's like walking into a store and banning a customer for causing a scene... but then also banning everyone else who happened to be shopping at the same time. It's guilt by association.

The silver lining to all this? The community as a whole isn't pleased. At least according to the main subreddit comments and a few individual voices like MurderofBirds. Despite the increase (from my perspective anyway) of critical voices post-Volume 8, criticism of RWBY is still very much seen as taboo. As this ban showcases. But it's really reassuring to see so many fans, critics and non-critics alike, going, "This was a mistake." A community is meant to include all aspects of engagement: praise, criticism, and the gray area between. If anything, fans like the mods of the main subreddit should be creating a separate subreddit that is specifically for praise. In the same way that there should have been a tag for RWBY praise, rather than trying to eliminate any and all criticism from the main "RWBY" tag. The majority of fans, even those who claim to hate critics and all they (presumably) stand for, recognize that a blanket ban of all criticism is not the way to go, especially when "criticism" has come to have such a staggeringly broad definition. If you want your RWBY experience to be nothing but sunshine and roses (ha), then cultivate your own internet experience to reflect that. Create your own pockets with rules about how this is the space for praise and if you're not up for praising RWBY right now, don't interact with us in this particular space. Don't try to make the entire community — the main tools used to discuss the show online — conform to your preferences. As established, there is no "good" criticism that everyone in the fandom will accept, which just leaves a fandom with no criticism at all. I'm glad to see I'm far from the only one who, when presented with that extreme, is going, "Nope. No thank you."

[myhauntedsalem]

13 True Horror Stories from the Psychiatric Ward that Will Give You the Creeps

Death, illness and tragedy have long been part of the history of insane asylums, and for as long as they have existed, so too have the scary stories associated with them. From haunted hospitals to sadistic doctors and nurses, psychiatric wards have been the inspiration for many of our favorite horror movies and books. Yet, the true stories told by the psych ward workers below far surpass any horrors that we might have seen at the cinema or read in a book.

Without further ado, here are thirteen of some of the creepiest psych ward stories on the internet that have been shared by health care professionals.

1. Holding her own Eyes

My mom told me this story from her time at a neuropsychiatric ward while she was in grad school. She was making her routine room checks and happened upon the most horrific scene I’ve ever heard.

This was during the night shift, and generally, all the patients’ bedroom doors should be closed. So my mom turned a corner and noticed an open door. She saw a staff member’s legs on the floor, halfway out the doorway.

When she looked into the room, she saw the patient, a woman with a severe postpartum psychiatric disorder, who had just gouged both of her own eyes out with her bare hands. She was sitting cross-legged on the floor, holding her eyes in her hands.

The first staff member to witness the scene, who was now lying face down on the floor, had a heart attack when he first witnessed the woman while he was making his rounds.

My mom screamed for help and frantically tried to perform CPR on the staff member. All the while, the woman just sat rather calmly, holding her own eyes.

2. The Saw

I work as a psychotherapist in a hospital system. My definition of creepy is probably quite a bit different from other medical professionals.

The one that got to me the most was a patient who came to us after attempting suicide by sawing both his arms off at the forearm with a table saw. His arms were reattached, fairly successfully too, with only limited impairments in mobility. All I could think was how bad it would have to be to live in his head that sawing his arms off seemed better than that.

He has since completed suicide.

3. Jane?

We had a young lady in our custody with quite a few issues. We’ll call her Jane. Jane’s first night at our facility staff doing a bed check found Jane in a puddle of blood. Turns out Jane had been slicing the skin around her shin with her finger nails and was pulling her skin up her leg, essentially de-gloving her calf.

Jane also had a ritual she performed every night before bed. While in her room she would run between walls in her room touching them in a crucifix pattern. After doing this for a few hours she would sit on her bed and go to sleep. This particular night Jane was frantic in her pace, practically running between walls. Our night staff observed the entire interaction and reported Jane screaming late into the night. When the staff went to check on Jane she reported Jane standing in the doorway smiling. The staff asked what was wrong and Jane replied, “what makes you think you are speaking to Jane?”

4. The Vampire

My mom worked in mental institutions in her younger years (and actually worked at a large, well-known asylum before it was shut down.)

There was one woman there that thought she was a vampire of sorts. She was only allowed out one hour a day, and they had to use safety precautions. She had already attacked and killed at least one hospital worker before these were enacted.

When my Mom asked about her, it was revealed that she had killed at least two of her children, wounded another as well as her husband because she had some sort of physical condition called Porphyria, which apparently made her crave blood.

By the time that they discovered there was something physically wrong with her, she already had lost her mind from guilt and grief.

5. The Spitter

I’m not a psychologist but my friend is. She told me about a patient of hers who was HIV positive and a paranoid schizophrenic. He thought that the nurses who worked at the hospital he was in were trying to kill him, so he would frequently bite his tongue, and spit HIV positive blood into their faces/mouths. When they had to come into contact with him, they were required to wear full masks and gloves.

6. The Only One

I once knew a woman who had spent part of her residency at a psychiatric hospital for people with severe mental conditions. Apparently, the grounds had a lovely, enclosed greenhouse. One day, one of their schizophrenic patients was sitting on a bench, smoking a cigarette, as a heron frantically flew around. It had found its way in and, not being able to escape, it was smashing into the large panes of glass. The man just sat there watching.

Finally, my counselor asked him if the bird was bothering him and he kind of sighed and said, “Thank god, I thought I was the only one seeing that.”

7. Family Photographs

My sister is the director of a psychiatric hospital. There was recently a lady there who would cut her arms, legs and torso open and place photographs of her family under her skin.

8. Under the Bed

Once, a fellow female patient told me she found writings under her bed. They were just old, small wooden bed frames with hard mattresses that would make all kinds of noises when you rolled over, but I still wondered what exactly she was doing lying under her bed to find these writings.

When she first told me, I thought it was a joke. But sure enough, one day during group we managed to sneak away, and she showed me. Indeed, there were stories written under her bed. After that, we had everyone check under their own beds, and there was more writing under every single bed.

They were stories of patients who had stayed here before, or ways they were planning on killing themselves, or who the good and bad nurses were. It creeped me out.

9. Time of Death

Well, my mother was a nurse that specialized in geriatrics, and she worked for several hospice hospitals for many years. She often described situations at her work with several of the patients. She would say that each person tends to have a very similar “checklist” that they follow right before death. This checklist often ended in a very similar way.

They would get caught talking to someone that wasn’t there. When asked who they (otherwise lucid people) were talking to, they would describe an individual who was already dead. When asked what they were talking about, they would say that their relative wanted to know if they were ready to move on. A pretty common response would be, “Yeah, he/she said that she will take me tomorrow at 3:00.” Well, it would often happen that they would die at the exact time their relatives quoted.

10. The Test Subject

I had an hour-long conversion with a delusional guy who was confined to a mental health facility, and who was probably smarter than I am. Lots of these folks believe that somebody – often the CIA – is either beaming thoughts into their heads, or has implanted a microchip in their brains for this purpose. This guy was offering a very thoughtful argument as to why such claims should not be so quickly dismissed.

“It’s precisely because such delusions are so common that mental patients make the best test subjects,” he said. There he was, confined and protected, constantly observed, his health and behavior documented, and there is zero chance that anyone would ever take his concerns seriously. How else would you test and improve such technology? Does the government not have a strong motivation and a plausible ability to create such a device?

“You can see I’m not irrational,” the man said. “I’m just straight-up telling you that they are doing this to me. I know just how unbelievable it sounds, and yet, here I am.”

11. The Boy who Loved Knives

As a tech in psych years ago, there was a 7-year-old kid sent to the floor because the mom didn’t know what to do with him. Sadly, common thing to happen, even if the kids don’t have psych issues. Anyway, the mom was shaking and crying, and they had to take the kid into another room. She was genuinely afraid of her own son. She had suspected something was wrong when she kept finding mutilated animals in the backyard, but never heard or saw coyotes or anything around. The neighbors smaller pets started disappearing. The boy had an obsession with knives, hiding them around the house. Denying anything when the mom confronted him. Then when the two started getting into arguments, he would get really violent and hit her, push her down and kick her, threaten to kill her. On multiple occasions she woke up in the middle of the night with him standing beside her bed, staring her in the face. She put extra locks on her bedroom door to feel safe while she slept. The last straw was when she lifted up his mattress and found 50+ knives of all shapes and sizes under there. So she brought him to us.

I remember talking to him, treating him like he was just any other kid that came through. He seemed remarkably normal, until you spoke directly to him. He had this way of looking right through you, or maybe like he didn’t see you at all while you were speaking.

He would respond like a robot, like he was just saying words because that’s what we wanted to hear. And he would always put on this creepy, dead-looking smile. Like all mouth and no eye involvement in the smile. Especially when he would get away with something, like taking another kid’s markers and they couldn’t figure it out. Still gives me chills laying here thinking about him.

I believe I met a 7-year-old psychopath.

12. The New Mom

I was a pharmacy technician at a hospital with a psych ward for some time. We would have to go around with a cart and dispense the patients’ medications, and being a 5’2″ girl, a security guard or male nurse would accompany me, just as a precaution. I never had any real issues other than the occasional death grip onto my arm or manic outbursts, but there was one boy who was entirely different.

His chart said he was nine and he had pale skin, dark hair, and huge bright, green eyes. He always greeted me in the most polite way, asked how I was doing, and always found something different to compliment me on every time. He was extremely well-spoken and mature for his age, so I began looking forward to seeing him, as normal small talk is definitely cherished in that setting. If he saw me outside of his room in the halls, he made sure to say hello and always called me “Miss Jones” or “ma’am.”

One day, a couple of our female nurses saw me pause to chat with him in the hallway, and waved me over to ask if I was out of my mind. Apparently, when he was in kindergarten, he grew an intense attachment to his young female teacher.

This escalated to the point of him calling her “Mom” and leaving notes for her about how he wished he were her son. He had a normal home-life with both parents, and the teacher tried to explain to him that she couldn’t be his mom because that would hurt his real mother’s feelings, and that she already had that job covered.

So, he went home and, killed his own mother in her sleep by cutting her throat, so his teacher could be his mom. The female staff had a general rule of not interacting with him excessively to prevent any kind of attachment from forming.

13. Bugs

Nothing I can say can possibly describe the year I worked in Psychiatric Intensive Care. Creepy isn’t the thing that comes to mind when I think back on it…more heartbreaking and horrifying. But creepiness was a part of it. Especially evening and night shifts, naturally.

There is always something disturbing about watching someone while they hallucinate. You can tell it is 100% real to them, and something about that makes you believe it, on some level. A lot of stories end with, “and of course, I had to look over my shoulder to make sure”. You see the emotions it brings out.

There was a woman that came in and sat down across the table from me for her admission interview. She had bandages all over her arms and scotch tape over her mouth and ears. She looked very uncomfortable and wouldn’t really sit still. When the nurse would ask her a question, she would peel the corner of the tape back and answer, then stick the tape back on really fast.

We eventually found out that she saw and felt bugs crawling all over her, and they were trying to get inside her body. The tape was to keep the bugs out. The bandages were because some bugs got in and she had to dig them out. She couldn’t sit still because she felt the bugs all over her even while we sat and talked. The worst part was, she had some idea that it was her mind playing tricks on her. Can you imagine going through your life, feeling like someone is continuously dumping buckets of cockroaches on your head, feeling like they’re all over you and getting inside of you to the point that you’re digging chunks out of your flesh in a panic, all while knowing intellectually that none of it is real?

[ivanabaqero]

Since I just returned from rehab, here is my.. idk, emotional journey on my chronic illness + mental health or wtf ever u wanna call this. This is the most personal thing I have ever posted but I need to get it out. 

Before you read, I guess I gotta tw this for suicidal thoughts and descriptions of my symptoms.

I don’t even know where to start. It feels like all of this happened in one week and at the same in a span of several years. But no idea, time just kept passing and more shit happened. 

Last summer was pretty cool. I worked hard and made a fuckton of money - not really considering the consequences of the fact that I overstepped the boundaries of my body every single day. Either way, I regret nothing it was pretty cool and another experience I am glad I could make. Well, but when I came back home, I started to notice a few things. Among some weird shit nobody wants to know about, I noticed a change of my eyesight. There was a cloud right on the vision on my left eye and it got blurry. At first, it started with minutes and then it passed. But I knew my body responded to exhaustion in an odd way so I let it slide. As doctors have instructed me, only when it lasts over 24 hours it’s an actual episode/flare and I should go to the ER -- to elaborate this further, I have been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2015 and have not had any bigger flares since, only the regular symptoms like fatigue, etc.

 I got treated with the regular medication; cortisone. This shit gave me some energy boost for a few days and then, things went back to somewhat normal. The blurry thing in my eye has changed into a weird ass thing called nystagmus. Basically, my eyeball was twitching. It was better than the blurry sight and my doctors told me that physical therapy was the only thing to help me with that, and up until some weeks ago this didn’t stop, at the moment it’s gotten way better though - a relief because that caused me mad headache and made reading really difficult.

Anyway, that was the smaller problem. A few months later, in December around Christmas, I have gotten really weak and have been constantly dizzy. As usual, I let it slide for some days. Up until that point when I couldn’t move from the bed or look at anything else but right up at the ceiling or I would get fucking dizzy. Back to the ER again, the same procedure began. Cortisone  resulted in a massive push of energy that lasted for some days, but after that, all the symptoms slowly returned. Not only that, but it started to get worse. I have been dragging and limping with my left foot since months but I still managed somehow to walk and get around. In January I had a major panic attack when I noticed that I couldn’t walk on my own to my doctors, which is merely an 8 minute walk away. I had to call my mom to bring me back home because I couldn’t go any step more. My doctor sent me to the ER but the next day, I decided that I was fine and being over dramatic and everything was perfectly fine. The whole thing kept getting worse, I could not walk anymore, I kept feeling dizzy all the time unless I was staring at only one spot: my laptop or phone. So that was what I did, ignore my symptoms. Adding to my chronic fatigue, dizziness, inability to walk and my eye problem, a sensitivity problem spread all over my body from the chest downwards. My hands hurt and my fingers cramped up and got stiff, I lost all feeling in my feet. I had an appointment at the neurologist thank god, or else, I would have let it gotten worse and kept telling myself that I am being over dramatic and nothing is actually wrong. Delusional? Maybe. I don’t understand myself there either.

The neurologist decided to keep me in hospital for a whole ass week, getting cortisone every day. I got in there with the ambulance in a wheelchair and left out of there walking again. Not perfectly, but I thought things were looking up. Of course, once the high dose of steroids begins to wear off and you slowly come down from it, you first catch sleep. Steroids this time have been given to me five days in high dose instead of three and in addition, I had to take pills that I had to reduce slowly over another two weeks. I did not sleep in those three weeks more than 3-4 hours per night and then I finally could. To make this more understandable; my brain was tired but my body was buzzing. I also had a tremor that has still not entirely left me as a wonderful side effect from the medication. 

That time stationary they finally put me back in a MRT and found 2 bigger new lesions. One of them in my cerebellum and the other in my spinal cord. Each of them causing me all those massive problems. Back at home I had physical therapy every day, but despite all of it, I had to rely on a wheelchair. I got my wheelchair in march and named him Otto because he is the best man ever. Next time in hospital, I was mentally and physically just fucking done and tried to just ignore how much my mental health was going downhill along with my body, the neurologist offered me stationary rehab at a very well known center where they treat several physical as well as mental illnesses. I said yes, and luckily got a place in July.

The initial plan was to stay there for four weeks, but the doctors suggested to extend to six. I did. And good that I did. I made slow progress. Very slow. To imagine, in twenty minutes at the first day I could barely walk 130m with four  breaks in between, with walking aid and what not - and my last day I made 640m in the same time with no breaks. I know this doesn’t sound like a lot but fuck -- I made it out of a fucking wheelchair. I am walking again. Not perfectly or any good, but my legs are used for their purpose again; to get me through this world. For someone who loves hiking and going for little walks alone, this was such a big deal to just not be able to anymore. 

The day I had the panic attack was the day I realized that in 2015 I made a promise to myself that if I ever have to rely on other people, I would end it. But I felt selfish for not wanting to end it. I felt selfish  for wanting to live and being a burden to people. I know, none of this is my fault and I am the first to give good advice, but am I good at handling my own shit? Absolutely not. 

With all the physical therapy I did for six weeks every day, I also had a psychologist that helped me understand myself better and deal with the trauma this experience brought me. I have to find another psychologist at home as well, because I didn’t feel the one I have helped me at all. I had to make a lot of promises to myself, such as accepting and asking for help and that it’s no shame in doing so. I feared losing my independence and I still do. But fuck, this experience was an eye opener in so many ways. I made new friends in rehab as well, which was one of the coolest things. And I got hit on by two attractive men - can you believe? I was in a wheelchair, dressed like absolute shit and not making any kind of deal of how I look! But yeah, my interest wasn’t really there to get involved in anything. I’ve got a lot of love to give but I need to give it to myself rather than pour it out on someone else.

I learned so many lessons, about my body and about my mind. My brain is an idiot and I have so many fears I was never even able to see until now. I thought optimism could beat everything and well... while it helps me a lot to get through every day life, every now and then I just need a slap in the face to look at things in another light. Not everything is fine if you tell yourself it is, no, you are not over reacting and you are allowed to feel sorry for yourself when life is dealing you a bad card. It doesn’t matter that other people have it worse -- it doesn’t mean your own shit is any less valid. And with that, I am going to wash my face and stop crying. I am still in a shock of reality state because I am  back at home now and everything is different. And I got to admit, I feel a little lonely. But I don’t want to reach out to my old friends at the moment with whom I felt like the “sick friend”. I want more friends in similar positions as me so I don’t have to feel bad for... well, feeling bad, and I don’t want to hear any more optimism monologues from healthy people who have absolutely no idea what it is like to have chronic pain, fatigue and overall; an illness. Whether it be mental or physical.

If you really read all of this, thank you. There was no need to, but I appreciate it. I honestly just needed to let it out. Because I haven’t done so properly since all of that started. 

[hellsvestibule]

“Can you explain this gap In your resume” Yeah this employer was literally an intolerable bigot I couldn’t possibly use as reference because I rage quit after weeks of psychological torture at the hands of this “small, like a family :)” business where my manager would corner me and go on racist tirades I was expected to calmly listen to. Yeah, the manager at the place I worked 4 years before that is no longer available for reference, he literally died and nobody who works there currently knows me. Yeah, the business I worked at 7 years before that shut down and never recovered. Yeah, the place I worked before that was a seasonal job where I was one of hundreds of expendable seasonal employees the managers never took the time to know. Oh, but the boss I had a literal decade ago was cool! That’s 1 in 10 employers that make a viable reference :) Like I’m sorry, can other people explain the fact that they Have employment references? You mean, you had a job where you were on good terms with the management and quit and they didn’t act like you were satan incarnate for “abandoning” them? This whole question assumes that employment and quitting are these clean experiences everyone walks away from on good terms when in my experience this almost never happens, If it was a good job I would still be working there! I quit the job because the manager was awful, I quit the job because my boss wouldn’t stop sexually harassing me, I quit the job because after 3 years working there they gave me a 10 cent pay raise. How and why should I be expected to explain these situations when you, a stranger who holds a position of authority and more readily empathizes with other authorities, likely aren’t going to believe me anyway? But of course anyone sifting through these piles of applications they pretend to be desperate for, is just going to assume any bad experience someone had at a prior workplace is their fault, so better to pretend you were just unemployed, even though they think any year you spend resting or with your family or doing Whatever is some sort of red flag too, because nothing short of being besties with your previous boss is acceptable. Absolutely delusional shit

[excelsi-or]

just a little sweeter (final)

GUYS, we’ve made it to the ennnnnnnnd! What a coincidence that it was 17 parts. I didn’t mean for that to happen lol.

BIPOC rec: I’m currently reading a book called Yes, No, Maybe So. It’s a YA novel written by minorities with minority characters. It’s about two teenagers who go canvassing for their local election in Georgia. It made me realize that maybe I need to start reading more adult fiction because reading about teenagers kinda makes me sad / cringe. But I admire Aisha Saeed and Becky Albertalli for really nailing teenagers on the head. 

w.c. 1.5k (fluuuuuuuuuuuuuffffffff)

pt.1; pt.2; pt.3; pt.4; pt.5; pt.6; pt.7; pt.8; pt. 9; pt. 10; pt. 11; pt. 12; pt. 13; pt. 14; pt. 15; pt. 16

Jihoon finds her at the dinner table reading after he puts Eunha to bed. He stands in the doorway to the kitchen and watches her for a moment before she looks up at him.

“I think we need to talk about what we’re going to do,” she says.

Jihoon takes a seat across from her. She closes her book.

“It is entirely possible that Yeri is going to put your entire life on blast.” She tips her head. “So, what do you want to do?”

Jihoon touches his ear; his eyes are unfocused. “Eunha won’t be a secret anymore.”

“And do you want me here?” she presses.

He seems to tune back in and his brow furrows at her question.

“Do you want to have to deal with a girlfriend scandal as well as a baby scandal?” she asks. “I’ve seen what people say about other idols’ girlfriends. And they don’t have babies.”

His confusion turns to distaste. A frown replaces his confused look. “You looked?”

“A while back,” she admits. “After you told me about Dispatch following you. I looked up other couples that’d been outted or admitted to dating. The things people say are… harsh, to say the least.” She meets his eye. “And we can stop now if it makes what’s coming easier to deal.”

“Wait, what are you saying?”

“This has gotten way beyond what either of us were anticipating, Jihoon. What’s going to be easiest for you and Eunha to cope with? Because she’s here regardless. If I’m not and it makes the rumours and scrutiny easier—”

“That is not even an option anymore,” Jihoon argues. “If you’re putting that on the table as an option, then I don’t tell you I need you or love you enough.”

She blinks in surprise.

“And your expression tells me that I definitely don’t.” Jihoon finds her foot underneath the table and begins playing footsie with her. “I wouldn’t have been able to find Eunha that fast or as calmly as you did today. I don’t think I would have made it this long without losing my mind if you weren’t there to take care of things before I knew I needed them taken care of. I definitely need you more than you need me, and it’s not even just need. I love you. I love what you bring to this home and…” Mochi’s pattering feet run through the apartment to join them. Jihoon picks her up and sets her in his lap. “And my little one would be extra confused if you and this little one disappeared.”

A small smile grows on her face.

“And Seungcheol told me that you told him Eunha feels like yours.” Jihoon ducks his head, embarrassed all of a sudden, at all he’s admitted. “Where else am I going to find something like you?”

She chuckles. “Well, if that’s out of the way, what are we going to do about Yeri?”

“Everything people will say will be awful. And you’re easy to find. So, I think if the story breaks, I’ll ask PLEDIS if they can put security guards at your café for a while.”

“You think it’ll get that bad?”

“I think it could get that bad.”

She pauses. “Do you think they’d make you leave Seventeen?”

Jihoon tilts his head. “It’s something I need to talk about with the company. If it gets really bad and we can’t perform or anything, yeah, maybe.”

She hesitates again and Jihoon is quick to reassure her. “The baby will be bigger news than the fact that I have a girlfriend. It’ll be bad regardless whether we’re together or not.”

She chews her bottom lip. “So, there’s really nothing we can do.”

“Nothing except prepare,” Jihoon agrees.

They sit in silence for a while. Mochi has found a comfortable sleeping position on Jihoon’s lap.

“Maybe you should move in permanently,” Jihoon says now.

She lifts an eyebrow.

“I wouldn’t put it past people—” He sees her skeptical eyebrow and he sighs. “Okay, maybe I just have been wanting to ask you to stay permanently, but I haven’t figured out how.”

She traces patterns on the dining room table and Jihoon senses her hesitation. Seventeen leaves for their tour in two days. The couple have agreed that she’d stay with Eunha for the two weeks the group would be in and out of the country. Jihoon definitely agrees that this relationship sped through his fingertips, but it’s never felt out of control.

“Just think about it,” he says.

She looks up at him, a smile on her face. “Sorry, I guess I should say that I would love to stay.”

“But…?”

“I’ve asked you before, but…” She shakes her head. “Maybe it’s not necessary now. Given what you’ve told me.”

“What’s on your mind?”

“How am I any benefit to you and Eunha?”

Jihoon stares at her in disbelief. “For all the reasons that I told you?”

“But like… anyone could’ve done that.”

“That’s not true, because before you, life did not seem this easy.”

“I’m not really taking care of anyone.”

“Now, you’re delusional.” He stops toying with her foot and reaches for her hand instead. “I understand if my asking you to stay solidifies a lot of this relationship. It’s easy to be with me when you have the option to leave.”

“It’s not that,” she mumbles. “I just… Eunha’s a great kid. I love her, and you, and want the best for both of you. Is that me?”

Suddenly, they hear the bedroom door open and both of them listen to Eunha’s feet pad towards them. Bleary eyed, Eunha reaches for her hand. Without thinking, she meets Eunha at eye level.

“What’s up, kiddo?”

“Story.”

“Daddy just put you to bed,” she chuckles, scooping Eunha up.

“Story.” Eunha rests her head on her shoulder, already falling asleep again.

She looks to Jihoon who has an ‘are you freaking kidding me’ look on his face.

“You can question it all you want, but I think that’s your answer,” Jihoon chuckles.

“I guess… I’m staying then.” Before taking Eunha back to her room, she stops to kiss Jihoon on the forehead. “Movie night?”

“I’ll get the snacks.”

Epilogue

“We’re not doing that.”

Jihoon frowns. “Why not?”

She adjusts Eunha on her hip. The two-and-a-half-year-old has fallen asleep since she and Jihoon are taking too long arguing over furniture. “It’s not going to fit in the space.”

“But where are you going to work?”

“I told you that the dining table is fine.”

“You’re going to make a mess there.”

“Where are we supposed to put another desk?” she demands. “We are not doing that to your space.”

“You live there now,” Jihoon reminds her.

She moved in two weeks ago. They’ve quickly realized that she requires desk space since she is currently working on the floor. They’ve moved the coffee table off to the side so she and Eunha can occupy the spot in front of the TV. The fact that she lives there shouldn’t be such a shock to them, but there were things she did that neither of them realized needed to be accommodated. Like her art and her bookkeeping.

“I know, but you’ve styled it in a way that works for you.”

“Well, now, it needs to work for you too. And I’m telling you, jagi, you need a desk.” His black mask and currently black hair should give off a scarier aura than it does.

“But until we can figure out how to move the space around to accommodate one, we can’t get one.”

“What if we move?”

She laughs. “I just moved in.” They head towards the exit. “So, we’re not doing that either.”

“You’re impossible, you know that?”

She nudges him with her elbow. “I’m honestly fine with working on the floor for now. Until we can figure out what—”

“What if I move all of my stuff to the studio?”

“Huh?”

“Then you can have that desk in the living room.”

“You work from home.”

“When I was taking care of Eunha on my own, yeah. But now I don’t have to do that. If I move all that extra equipment to the studio, then you can have that desk.” Jihoon looks to her. “What about that?”

He’s trying so desperately to make sure she’s comfortable; she can’t help but relent. “If you’re sure you don’t need the space.”

“We’ll start on it as soon as we get home.”

They head outside and Jihoon takes Eunha from her. She rolls her shoulder out and checks to make sure the toddler hadn’t drooled on her. She pecks Jihoon’s cheek. “I’ll see you at home.”

Jihoon smiles a little at hearing her say ‘home’ and having it mean the same thing as him. Then he remembers something. “Oh. Soonyoung wanted you to sit on the dance practice tonight.”

“Right.” She tips her head back, as if mentally creating a to-do list. “Then I’ll see you at the studio.” She checks her watch. “Okay, I think my lunch should be over, right?” She takes a deep breath. Over the past year, the cafés popularity has increased. She’s been able to take on more staff, though she’s struggling to trust that everything will turn out okay without her there.

She gives Jihoon another kiss, pecks the back of Eunha’s head and hurries back to work. “Love you.”

“Love you too. See you in a few hours.”

The amount of love you guys showed this series was insane and some of the comments really made me laugh. Thank you for sticking it out with me. I know it’s not as long or as particularly “exciting” as to the boy i love right now, but I love this one a lot. 

I think I’m going to post some one shots, because I’m trying to find some inspiration with writing again so I’ve been doing a few as writing warm ups. In terms of series to come, would you guys prefer a university, i’m-dating-you-because-of-a-bet trope story OR a thief-partner story? Both will probably be posted one day, but any preference for which one you get first? 

Anyway, thanks again lovely humans. 💛

[stillness-in-green]

Thoughts on Chapter 314 (and surrounding events)

Being a loose summary of several things I thought about in relation to the leaks, what they say about the series as a whole, a bit of new operating headcanon on the Peerless Thief, and a dash of how fandom is responding to the revelations. Spoilers, obviously.

This chapter makes it quite clear that the HPSC absolutely would have gone in and eliminated the PLF quietly, lethally, and wholly unlawfully if Hawks hadn't reported back the numbers that he did. The only reason the raid involved non-Commission-affiliated heroes at all is because the PLF's manpower was simply too much for the Commission to deal with via their usual methods. I'm both appalled that the disregard for human rights in HeroAca Land is somehow even worse than I thought it was and smug that that tiny little piece I recently posted criticizing the PLF's treatment has turned out to be totally justified and supported by the canon.[1] (Note that this does not absolve Horikoshi of the responsibility to, himself, treat the PLF better than paper dolls tossed into the incinerator of Plot Irrelevance when they cease being convenient to his story.) The fact that the Commission was forced to involve heroes might mean Re-Destro, Mr. Compress and the others are somewhat safer than might otherwise be the case. Because of the involvement of the unsuspecting stooges law-abiding heroes, and because the botched raid became such a huge disaster, there’s far more public scrutiny on this than would otherwise be the case. Of course, "accidents" can still happen,[2] especially in a chaotic environment, but the factors above (combined with Clone!RD murdering the bejeezus out of the Lady Prez) do, I think, suggest that there probably isn't an organized push for quick solutions going on behind closed doors.

I don't think Nagant has been around for a terribly long time or that there was an uptick in vigilantism in recent years—I think the scene where she mentions vigilantes becoming accepted as heroes is just in reference to the early history of heroism. It's in keeping with what Tsukauchi Makoto described in Vigilantes, and forms the basis of the current system—the current system that Nagant was a single cog in a big machine grinding away to preserve.

Speaking of Nagant and the system, it's interesting to me that one of the groups Nagant apparently targeted at the HPSC's behest was corrupt heroes—those who colluded with villains or specifically goaded/incited civilians into using their quirks illegally, thus turning civilians into capital-V Villains in the eyes of the law. One might easily say that targeting corrupt heroes (albeit using a much broader definition of "corrupt") was Stain's whole shtick, but it actually puts me more in mind of the Peerless Thief, Harima Oji. Harima punished greedy or corrupt heroes with theft, and presumably with a measure of declaration and exposure,[3] then distributed their money back to the streets. Someone who ridicules those who abuse their power, and gets away with it for long enough to build a reputation: that right there is a recipe for a folk hero. The HPSC, in whatever form they existed at the time, obviously couldn't let that go on—such repeated humiliations would weaken peoples’ faith in (and obedience to) the system the HPSC was trying to build. At the same time, though, it would also weaken faith in the system to openly acknowledge that system's flaws, to acknowledge that some pretty awful people had found their way into the heroics business specifically for the power and ability to abuse it that the title of Hero afforded them. Public trials would make it a matter of record that some heroes—and, accordingly, heroes at large—did not deserve the public's unquestioning faith. Obviously in a system that was built from the ground up on faith, that was unacceptable. And so Harima was branded a supervillain for exposing the system's flaws, while the corrupt heroes who embodied those flaws to begin with were—and continue to be—quietly disposed of at the HPSC’s discretion.

There's a lot of talk around about how Lady Nagant is stupid, or hypocritical, or delusional, or whatever other dismissive adjective people want to use, because she expresses a preference for AFO's rule over the HPSC's. Firstly, I think it's dubious Lit Crit to fault a character for not being a Paragon of Rationality, especially when they're under the cascading stressors Nagant has been under since she was, what, 13? 14? Forced to live this dichotomy of smiling gallant hero and ruthless covert assassin, had her life threatened by the man who'd taken her in,[4] probably dumped in Tartarus until such time as her trial could be held,[5] and kept in those ghastly, dehumanizing conditions for who knows how long? How shocking, that her objectivity might be somewhat compromised! Secondly, it's not like she's saying that AFO's rule would be a sunny walk in the park. The kanji she uses doesn't even mean "better"; while it can mean serene or tranquil, her more likely meaning is clear/transparent. Her phrasing indicates that she's aware it would be pretty bad; she's simply of the opinion that at least his rule wouldn't be a sham, a pretty lie. It would be bad, but everyone would know it. No one would have these comforting illusions they could lose at any time; if you stepped out of line and got shot in the head by an assassin, well, at least you would probably know you that being defiant was running that risk, rather than never seeing it coming because you'd been told all your life that Heroes Didn't Do That To People. Again, this is a woman whose life was shattered no less than three times by the duplicity of the highest acting authority in this comic.[6] She doesn't have to be Objectively Correct By The Standards Of Ethical Utilitarianism—nor do you have to agree with her choice that because she doesn’t want to live in the Matrix, no one else should get to either—for her opinion to make sense from her own perspective! Thirdly, while I think it's fair to say that the HPSC and AFO actually use fairly similar methods to recruit followers and punish dissenters, we have no idea how much Nagant herself knows about AFO's recruitment tactics other than her own brief experience of it. And while AFO is a controlling and manipulative bastard, at least in his case it's coming from a man who openly styles himself as a Demon King, not an organization positioning itself as lawful regulators of the protectors of society at large while secretly training child soldiers to flagrantly violate every law protecting the human rights and due process of that society's people.

Overhaul's presence is delightful, and yes, he is a victim of Hero Society, if only because Hero Society could have put him in some kind of prison-based rehab facility after Shigaraki was through with him, but chose to dispose of him in Tartarus instead, for absolutely no justifiable cause. I suspect it's only due to Horikoshi not being very interested in the harsh realities of the trauma caused by enforced isolation[7] that Overhaul is the only Tartarus escapee that talks to himself and has dissociated from reality almost completely. Overhaul's maiming was not the fault of Hero Society, nor did Hero Society force him to torture Eri and repeatedly commit cold-blooded murder. But his madness? Yeah, I'm pretty comfortable laying that one at Hero Society's feet, actually. I can’t wait for Deku to have to face the victim that Chisaki Kai has become due to levels of systemic cruelty and negligence that really ought to be criminal—and which, if this were real life, would be.

--------Lately, footnotes are really popular with us!--------

[1] Lady Nagant: *talks about how the Hero Society everyone believes in is illusory, a thin fake over a brutal reality, and that returning to the false simplicity of that status quo will only cause history to repeat itself* Me, two weeks ago: Hero Society will never stop creating its own villains so long as, every time it fails people, it does nothing but shrug and write off the victims as unavoidable, inevitable sacrifices for the greater good.

[2] Yes, I'm still highly suspicious of the "Destro committed suicide in prison" claim.

[3] Compress tells us Harima “preached reformation,” but regardless, you don’t dress up in a modified kabuki costume and waltz midair through nighttime cityscapes raining cash out of the sky if you’re trying to keep your activities a secret.

[4] And her family situation couldn't have been much better than Hawks', if she was targeted by the HPSC to begin with. I would guess she was an orphan in the childcare system, easy to move from whatever alternative care arrangement she was in, be it an orphanage, a group home, or simply mature enough despite her relative youth that she lived alone on government support payments—that kind of thing isn't as unbelievable in Japan as it is in the U.S.—to the HPSC's care.

[5] And given what we learned between this chapter and 297, I doubt she was even allowed to be present for it. Japanese law states that everyone by default is supposed to be present for their own trial, but as in the U.S, that right can be waived if the defendant proves themselves to be a threat to the safety of the judge, court staff and other attendees. And of course, what a threat the HPSC could have painted her as being!

[6] At least until Hori deigns to show us a damn Diet session.

[7] To say nothing of the physical consequences of spending six months stuck in a tiny room with no natural light while frequently being strapped into a straitjacket, of which there should also be several.

[i-prefer-the-fictional-world]

So years ago I use to be TVD trash, I guess I still to an extent. I remember a friend once pointed out that in one poster for season 4 of tvd Elena had her leg slighted toward Damon and that it was a sign that Delena wasn't going to end up together. It was probably a coincidence but I got really excited about that, like hell yeah it's a a sign, it means they were meant to be right? I have watched and re-watched tvd, read through wiki pages and stalked Julie Plec's twitter looking for signs that delena would end up together (I don't have twitter so that took dedication). And then they did. It was so satisfying to know that everything I've seen, all the analysis meant something.

Now I'm supergirl trash. I saw the poster for season 6 and it clearly has bi colours. I've seen people pointing out how supercorp, dansen and Brainia are all placed diagonally in it. There have been so many "clues" for supercorp endgame, in the show, on social media and on the promotional materials. And yet apparently everytime it's just a coincidence. Supercorp fandom analyzes the content it gets like any other dedicated fandom out there. That's not delusional, that's just part of being in a fandom. And honestly after all the queerbaiting supercorps deserves their endgame. All of the time, and effort, and dedication, and analysis shouldn't be for nothing. It's the last season. Make supercorp happen.

[socialmediasocrates]

In honor of finally getting to write some fucking Zel Content have a few excerpts

Text and taglist under the cut

Excerpt 1:

The place is very tastefully decorated. Too tastefully decorated, actually. Everything matches, and everything has a place, and everything is /in/ that place. And it makes them itch. It feels like walking into someone's house and finding they've covered all the furniture with plastic slip covers. Yeah, they've opened their home to you, but they've also deliberately made it impersonal and uncomfortable so you don't stay for too long, and-fuck. He's even gotten to the bathroom.

Excerpt 2:

He'd gotten to the bathroom, too, and done it entirely in blacks and greys. It looks like a dungeon with toothbrush holders.

Excerpt 3:

They definitely remember the bath tub being a very nice bright green thirty years ago, and now it's grey and the knobs are...what is that, brass? He'll be lucky to keep his house key privileges for the crimes committed in the bathroom alone. What was wrong with the pink towels? They were soft. They /liked/ them. The new ones are the same inoffensive grey as the tub, and they have the nerve to be scratchy on top of that.

Excerpt 4:

Looks are deceiving, and this rug is the worst deceiver of all. Why is it made of approximately one million individual stiff, ropey threads? Why does Dalton hate them enough to install this abominable thing in their home? They have been a very good friend to him. They have enabled his never-ending antics and eaten people when needed and endured all of the poems he wrote during his literary phase in the spirit of grim solidarity, and he has repaid that with this complete nightmare of an area rug. Thirty years is not nearly long enough for him to become delusional enough to believe they would appreciate this, so they must reluctantly accept that they have just failed to see the madness growing in him. Too late. It's already manifested, and they are standing on its culmination.

Taglist:

@writing-bels @crtalley @saucysquared @subtlefires