#yeah this is about baby reindeer

[zombiejette]

Cis men will still literally do anything but go to therapy. Even perform therapy on stage to themselves while a captive audience watches their one-man mental breakdown. But real therapy? Never heard of her.

[cinewhore]

just finished baby reindeer..

[mariesoliver]

Just finished baby reindeer so much to think about so much to process but i will say absolutely magnificent show i am so glad i watched it (even though it was harrowing at times). Really shows the best art can do. Also i wish richard gadd a peaceful happy and chill life from now on bc holy shit did that man go through hell

[annievrse]

the sled problem

roronoa zoro x fem!reader —ᡣ𐭩 fic summary: thinking about alabasta where there's no room for matsuge to carry you, so zoro puts you on the sled with chopper (feat. a lot of reader x crew too!). w/c: 1.1k c/w: zoro refers to reader as 'my girl' & 'girlfriend', she/her pronouns, established relationship, reader is shorter than zoro. a/n: thanks everyone for voting! here is bf!zoro.

"My turn!" Luffy exclaims, feet dragging through the sand. You eye him wearily as it seems he used the last of his energy to make it known that he was to take your place on the sled. You wince when he stumbles, the last of the water hanging by a rope around his neck.

"No way, moron," Zoro grunts behind you. "My girl and Chopper only."

Next to Luffy, Usopp lets out a noise of disagreement, his body weight relying on the walking stick in his hand. "Surely she can walk— Ouch!"

Chopper's weak giggle cuts the thick air beside you, and you look to where the sharpshooter lays motionless in the orange sand. Glancing back, you see Zoro's fist lowering back to his side.

"Stop complaining," Nami says, adjusting the scarf on her head. "We'll be there soon."

"You're on the back of a camel," Usopp splutters as he gets to his feet. Matsuge grunts in dismissal, and Nami pretends not to hear her crewmate and turns to face the horizon.

"Let me on!" Luffy attempts to yell, staggering toward the swordsman. "C'mon, Chopper, you're an animal fit for the desert."

The reindeer shakes his head and clasps his arms around your bicep. "No way, you try having a fur coat in his heat."

Usopp giggles, though he eyes the waterskin that hangs against Luffy's chest instead of the medic. "I'll cut it off you if you'd like—"

A collective gasp sounds through the group; this time, you kick your leg out to trip him over, realising too late that he was speaking about the water and not Chopper.

Zoro chokes out a cackle at the thump of his crewmate against the sand. "Atta girl."

Usopp makes no move to get up. He lays there, delirious, until Sanji grips the back of his shirt and tugs him along. "Idiot."

The only sound is the wind and the crunch of shoes in the desert. Sighing, you start to feel bad for the others when you see them struggling to stay upright, so, you shuffle Chopper over so you can get up.

"'Ro," You say, turning to face his back. Zoro stops and looks at you with his brows furrowed. "Here, Luffy—"

The group groans as you stand, dusting the sand from your clothes.

Zoro shakes his head and scoffs. "I'm not pulling that moron. Sit back down."

With pleading eyes, you shove your captain toward the sled, carefully avoiding Chopper. "Just pull him; I'll walk with you for a while."

Zoro grumbles and suddenly jolts the sled, so Luffy slides off. "Oops."

"Please, Ro," You say, touching his forearm. "Just until I get tired."

"Yeah, just until she gets tired," Luffy mumbles, heaving himself onto the sled. "Which will be never."

Zoro glares at you, but the look is too familiar for you to take it harshly. Then, he starts walking again, purposefully making a face of discomfort.

"Thanks, baby," you smile, wiping the sweat from your forehead.

"Aw, baby, that's so cute," Usopp mumbles, his face just inches off the ground thanks to Sanji's grip. "Zoro, baby, my baby—"

Sanji rolls his eyes, drops him, and keeps walking. "Do you ever shut up?"

You glance back at him, but Zoro nudges you with his shoulder. "He'll catch up."

Sighing, you stop and walk back to Usopp. Zoro knows what you'll make him do, but god knows he’ll always do what you tell him.

You try your best to help the sniper to his feet, muttering that he won't have to walk anymore, giving Usopp the energy to run to the sled. So much for feeling bad for him...

"You need to learn to ignore them," Sanji says, plucking the cigarette between his lips. "Let the moss head drag you through the dunes. He clearly wants to."

You look back and slow down to match his steps, smiling at Sanji's attempt at being nice to your boyfriend. "It's the least I can do."

The cook begins to counter your lame argument but stops short when he sees Zoro waiting for you ahead: his captain, the sharpshooter, and the reindeer piled on the wooden sand sled.

"I'm doing all this for you, and you ditch me for the cook."

You can feel Sanji roll his eyes beside you. Laughing, you quicken your steps to catch up to the swordsman.

"Jealous?"

Zoro scoffs and readjusts his grip on the ropes. "Of him? I'd rather die."

There's a sigh behind you, and then Sanji speeds past you, hands clasped before him as he asks Nami if she needs anything.

Zoro knocks your shoulder with his bicep, bringing you back to the man beside you. He's a man of very few words, but you know what he's trying to say. Quit teasing me.

Rolling your eyes, you giggle. "Stop flirting, we're in the desert."

"Seriously?"

You shrug and glance at the boys on the sled, your sweet expression turning to irritation when you see them sitting cross-legged, whispering animatedly while Chopper lies half-delirious from heat stroke. “Seriously?”

“Yeah? I just asked that—“

You stop walking and hit an oblivious Luffy upside the head when he passes. Your captain tumbles onto the sand, Usopp following soon after with expletives falling from his lips.

Huffing, you reclaim your place next to Chopper. "Manipulative idiots."

“You got that right,” Chopper mumbles. You shake your head and watch as the pair stumble back to their feet and start complaining again.

"Why?" Usopp cries. "Zoro control your girlfriend; she's mean."

Zoro laughs deeply, like a warning. "Usopp, I swear to god, if I hear your voice one more time, I won't hesitate to kick your ass."

"Sorry," Usopp mumbles to you. "Sorry, Zoro."

"Damn right," your boyfriend states. "And Luffy?"

Your captain's head raises, face screwed in anticipation of what the swordsman had for him.

"Give her the water."

"But—"

"Now, moron!"

You go to counter Zoro's demand, insisting that it is fine, but Luffy hastily rips the rope from his neck and stretches his rubber arm to drop the waterskin in your lap.

"Thanks, Luffy."

His only response is a whiny grumble.

"Here, Chop," You unscrew the lid and push the bottle towards the reindeer. "Drink."

Chopper lifts his head weakly. "No, that's yours."

Rolling your eyes, you shove it further into his tiny chest. "Zoro won't curse you for drinking it, I promise."

Nodding, Chopper takes the waterskin between his hooves and sips.

"Hey, no fair! Why do she and the reindeer get water, and we don't?"

Zoro stops dead in his tracks and drops the rope to the sled. "Usopp."

A terrified scream echoes through the barren desert, and then Zoro rounds the sled and tackles the sharpshooter to the ground.

Nami groans from the front of the group. "Can't we have a normal trip for once?"

Vivi's soft voice follows. "Doesn't look like it."

"Please! Please, I'm sorry! Zoro, please! I'm not meant for combat!"

"Shut it, asshole," Zoro sighs. "You speak to my girl like that again? See what happens." 

[aakeysmash]

christmas shopping, matching pajamas and family discounts

college!sukuna masterlist

"Why are we here again?" college!sukuna huffs from next to you for the umpteenth time.

"Stop acting like a little bitch. You asked me that 20 seconds ago, Yuuji is acting better than you," you hiss out, glaring at him. It's true though: the kid is trotting right in front of you two, not a care in the world, while his caretaker is currently dragging his feet on the pavement you're walking on.

"And you still didn't answer, fucker," he barks back, grimacing, kicking a little rock.

"Yes, I fucking did! I told you this morning we were going Christmas shopping! You never listen to me," you start, jutting your lip out and trying to play the victim. You know he hates it when you do it. "Maybe I should tell Yuuji how his big brother hates the idea of going shopping with him," you provoke, whispering so that only you and him know what you're talking about. He scoffs, offended.

"Liar. Don't you fucking dare-"

"Are you two fighting again?" whines Yuuji, turning around and pouting. You and Sukuna glance at each other before shaking your head at the same moment.

"No, we're getting along so well," you force yourself to smile.

"Yeah, she said she's so glad I'm accompanying her. Matter of fact, she said she's going to offer us lunch," Sukuna continues, an evil glint in his eyes when he hears you gasp.

"I did not-"

"Really?! Yippie!" screams Yuuji, coming to hug you violently. You stumble back, gritting your teeth, and reciprocate the hug while narrowing your eyes at the grinning tattooed man in front of you. He knows you're not able to say no to his brother.

When Yuuji runs inside the mall, you push Sukuna's shoulder, mumbling "bitch". He just chuckles, then boldly gets you close by placing one open hand on your lower back. You know he's just going to tease you, so you put both hands on his chest to fight back, trying to put some distance between you two, but the place is crowded and everyone is looking at you. A woman passes by you and looks at you weirdly, so you stop wriggling in his grasp, and he delicately pushes you even closer. You're chest to chest, his breath fanning over your features, grin ever present on his face, enjoying how you look pissed out of your mind. From the outside, it looks like you're hugging each other, when in reality he just puts his mouth on your ear to utter "Never play with me, baby. I know how to drive you mad," then frees you and walks behind Yuuji with his hands in his pockets, not turning back to see if you're following him or not. You're seething.

"Oh my God, Yuuji, look at these!" you swoon over a pair of pajama pants. They're a soft brown, decorated with little green Christmas' trees and little reindeers, a bright red Merry Christmas! on both knees.

"It's a set!" squeals the kid next to you, grabbing the sweater right on top of the piece of cloth you have in your hands. You both notice at the same time that the set comes both in adults' and kids' sizes. "Can we take it?" he asks you looking up, puppy eyes activated. Your heartstrings are pulled so tight you feel like you could implode if you look at his face for a second longer.

"Of course we can, I thought it was obvious," you say excitedly, grabbing his hands and jumping up and down with him in a circle while he laughs, smile on full display and brown eyes squeezed shut happily.

Sukuna, who has kept watching his phone for the majority of the time you've been inside the mall, raises his gaze when he hears your laugh mingled with his brother's. If you had been looking at him in that instant, you would've seen the brief soft glimpse that passed on his whole face when he took in how happy you both looked together. When you turn around, though, he's already schooled his features to appear bored.

"Are we done?" he yawns.

"Would you like to match with us?" you ask him, at the same time. You scowl and he scoffs.

"Hell no, girl. I'm not with whatever stupid shit y'all are doing," he says, trying to act tougher than what he actually feels like. Seeing you being kind to the only person in the world who shares 100% of his genes makes him feel things he doesn't want to acknowledge right now.

"You're a party pooper, 'Kuna," Yuuji mumbles, frowning. "Can we still match? I really want us to match," he adds, shily, looking at you. You're shocked. His cheeks are getting redder the more you gawk at him. "Sorry, you can say no-"

Your kiss on his cheek resonates all around the ally you're currently staying in. "Of course I want to match with you. We don't need your evil brother, Yuuji. Let's go try them on," you sweetly say, taking his hand and walking away from Sukuna, not before flipping him off. Yuuji is so giddy that he follows you like he's walking on clouds, his face slightly hurting from how hard he's cheesing.

Sukuna just stands there, baffled and even a little offended. He stiffens, noticing he still has his phone in his hands. He's so fast with it he's the first to remain shocked by his own actions: he hears the click of his camera and looks at the pic he's just taken, feeling his chest heavier than it's ever been. It's a beautifully taken pic, where you and Yuuji are squinting at each other, hand in hand, laughing. He turns off his screen, shakes his head and catches up to you. You're going to give him a headache if you continue being like this. Or a heart attack. Or both.

"Hello, what can I do for you?" the nice old lady at the checkout says.

"Hi, we'd like to take these two pieces," you kindly respond, handing her the pajamas you and Yuuji just tried on.

"Let me see... oh, we actually have a family discount on this! Is the daddy not going to take anything?" she innocently asks, looking over at your older roommate.

"Yo, I'm not his-"

Your eyes almost fall out of your sockets. "Ah ah ah! Silly us! We forgot his one! Just give me a second," you interrupt a scowling Sukuna, covering his mouth with your hand before he can finish his sentence, dragging him away. Yuuji gives the old lady a confused look, to which she responds with "Young parents these days," shaking her head.

"You're going to take the fucking matching set, Sukuna, and you're going to like it," you seethe, still dragging him away (well, it's more like he's letting you drag him away). You hear how he's trying to talk behind your hand. "Don't piss me off. I'm going to pay less to get more, and you're going to listen to me. Go." You ignore him and he raises one eyebrow, looking you up and down, before biting your fingers. You yelp and let him go, scowling. "I said go! And act like you care about me when we get there, we're a family until the discount tells us so!"

"Okay, ma'am," he grins down to you, wiping his saliva from the corner of his mouth with a slow movement, his gaze lingering a bit too much on the way you're panting.

"Move! Take your size and let's go! Yuuji is waiting for us!" you push him, rushing back to the cashier.

"Oh, you were really fast. I thought you were going to argue with the way you rushed away," she says when she sees you come back, surprised. You nervously chuckle, telling her how you were already planning on buying one for Sukuna, you just forgot. "That would be 20.99$."

While you're swiping your card, you suddenly feel engulfed by heat. Sukuna positions his hands on your waist, giving you a half hug from behind while simultaneously giving his best confident grin to the old lady in front of him.

"Yeah. I just like when she bosses me around a bit, if you know what I mean," he says, sultry, winking at the cashier who is chuckling behind her hand, embarrassed, waving him away.

What the fuck? You initially try not to stiffen, then relax and give her a shy smile, and he squeezes you a bit closer. You melt on his chest, feeling hotter than you've felt all day. He's so comfortable. He brushes his lips near your ear and makes sure you hear the way his raspy voice is all around you. "And I do, baby. I really do."

[astonmartinii]

a very mamma mia christmas [mamma mia part six] | formula one social media au

drivers: sebastian vettel, fernando alonso and jenson button

flo's first christmas looms, her parents and the grid react accordingly

mamma mia / no more ace to play / honey, honey / the age of no regret / a wonderful thing

MASTERLIST | BUY ME A KO-FI?

yourusername

liked by fernandoalo_oficial, sebastianvettel and 1,667,301 others

yourusername: if you couldn't tell, christmas is our favourite holiday

view all comments

user1: i forgot to consider the thought of a mamma mia christmas

user2: i am NOT ready

jensonbutton: are we just photographers to you?

yourusername: i tried to take photos of you guys but you just insisted on throwing each other into the snow every two seconds

jensonbutton: but i won?

sebastianvettel: i reject this

fernandoalo_oficial: AS IF YOU WON

user3: i think this is the proof that fernando will never retire

jensonbutton: @yourusername tell them i won

yourusername: well i can tell you who lost ... ME BECAUSE YOU GUYS WRESTLED IN THE SNOW AND COMPLAINED ABOUT BEING COLD THE WHOLE WAY HOME

sebastianvettel: ... at least flo found it funny

yourusername: she's a baby, she finds everything funny

fernandoalo_oficial: especially me though

yourusername: ENOUGH you're all getting coal for christmas

jensonbutton: WHAT

fernandoalo_oficial: WHAT

sebastianvettel: WHAT

user4: y/n actually has the patience of a saint i'd leave them in the snow

yourusername: can't drive 💔

user5: dads are all world champion drivers and mum hasn't even passed her test. this is what balance is

alexalbon: tHAT'S THE BUNNY I GOT FLO

yourusername: yes, she loves it very much (she even named it al)

lilymunhe: he's crying 👍

alexalbon: it's christmas and i'm trying not to succumb to baby fever :(

jensonbutton

liked by yourusername, sebastianvettel and 1,002,566 others

tagged: fernandoalo_oficial, sebastianvettel & yourusername

jensonbutton: drawing straws to see who gets to be santa for flo's first christmas (and who has to be elves)

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user9: is everything a tussle with these people

yourusername: yes. this one is particularly amusing though

sebastianvettel: YOU RIGGED THE DRAW

jensonbutton: how could i rig it? I DIDN'T EVEN WIN

sebastianvettel: i'm not going as an elf ABSOLUTELY NOT

fernandoalo_oficial: you snooze you lose buddy

yourusername: not to stir the pot, but this was you guys' idea, so you can't chicken out now

sebastianvettel: no elf. i am going to be a reindeer instead

jensonbutton: if he's not being an elf then i'm not being an elf i'm going to be an angel 👍

yourusername: we already ordered the elf costumes ???

fernandoalo_oficial: make the grid kids dress up

yourusername: @charles_leclerc and @maxverstappen1 do i have news for you

charles_leclerc: if anyone should be an angel it should be ME

maxverstappen1: i should be the christmas star (since i am the star of this family)

charles_leclerc: if any of us have star power it's ME

yourusername: you won't even be elves for flo?

charles_leclerc: YES I WILL

maxverstappen1: DON'T BE STUPID

user10: yeah, yeah they're all dressing up BUT the real question is, do they now have cats as well?

fernandoalo_oficial: YES!! 😃 😃😃😃😃

user11: NEW MAMMA MIA LORE

jensonbutton: we were in the village centre when they were having an adoption fair... fernando insisted that cream cheese and salmon come home with us

user12: i feel like jenson did not get to choose the names ...

yourusername: nando insisted, said bagels are the foundation of our relationship

fernandoalo_oficial

liked by jensonbutton, sebastianvettel and 1,342,882 others

tagged: yourusername, jensonbutton & sebastianvettel

fernandoalo_oficial: i won !!! (both being santa and the gingerbread house decorating contest)

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user13: mamma mia household argument incoming....

yourusername: okay... WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WON THE CONTEST I CLEARLY WON I WILL NOT LET YOU CONTROL THIS NARRATIVE

user14: oh this is about to get real if y/n is getting involved in the arguments

sebastianvettel: nando, your house had the structural integrity of a flake

fernandoalo_oficial: IT DOES NOT

jensonbutton: i mean when we let flo destroy them all like a mini godzilla, yours did crumble first

fernandoalo_oficial: FAKE NEWS

yourusername: godzilla flo squished that bitch like a pancake

sebastianvettel: you can't win everything old man

yourusername: HALT WE SHALL NOT START THIS ARGUMENT AGAIN

user15: boooooooo let them fight y/n

user16: the way y/n and flo probably just sit back and relax while these idiots argue with each other

georgerussell63: gingerbread flo is so adorable !!

yourusername: thank you georgie (these guys think they're professional photographers now)

danielricciardo: woah @landonorris sub par f1 driver photography is our thing

landonorris: honestly old men, get your own hobby

fernandoalo_oficial: SUB PAR?

yourusername: he's pacing @landonorris @danielricciardo TAKE IT BACK

landonorris: no. i don't think i will

sebastianvettel: he's literally wearing a hole in my carpet from pacing MY CARPET

danielricciardo: tell him to stop being so dramatic flo looks rad af

jensonbutton: did you just call our baby rad?

fernandoalo_oficial: i'll take it, she is rad :)

user17: this is so close to my heart. if they ever stop publicising their lil spats i will die

user18: i wake up in a cold sweat thinking about how we won't hear about nando leaving cutlery in the sink, jenson letting beckett in the bed and seb forcing them all to garden

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, sebastianvettel and 1,723,094 others

tagged: jensonbutton, fernandoalo_oficial & sebastianvettel

yourusername: seb cried when we chopped down the tree :(

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user21: someone get that man back in a car he's losing his damn mind

jensonbutton: he cried because i was just too sexy to handle when i chopped down a tree with an axe and my bare hands

yourusername: he's NOT wrong

fernandoalo_oficial: i understand the women in hallmark films now. lumberjacks are hot

jensonbutton: or it's just me?

yourusername: welp

user22: sorry seb but fuck that tree's life it looks so fucking good

user23: i'm so glad y/n isn't a sad beige mum

yourusername: tacky christmas 4 eva

lewishamilton: now that is a christmas tree wowza

yourusername: oh wow that means a lot coming from you

lewishamilton: i'm going to assume the guys weren't allowed within 10ft

yourusername: they were allowed to put the star on and pick where the homemade ornaments would go

lewishamilton: having seen their dress sense for the last 15 years, i think that was wise

user24: is seb like holding a grudge?

sebastianvettel: YES they laughed at me :(

yourusername: awwwww you baby, you're so cute

sebastianvettel: what if we've made a squirrel or a bird homeless :(

fernandoalo_oficial: there's a fuck ton of trees around i'm sure they're fine

jensonbutton: or maybe we hit them with our car on the way home

sebastianvettel: JENSE :(((((((

fernandoalo_oficial: i thought i felt a bump

yourusername: GUYS

user25: all i know is that i would not want to get into a fight with flo with these fools as her parents

sebastianvettel

liked by fernandoalo_oficial, jensonbutton and 1,288,493 others

tagged: yourusername, mickschumacher

sebastianvettel: you all laughed at the tree. jokes on you me and mick went and got a foster reindeer

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user26: no ever is ever as petty as a middle-aged man

fernandoalo_oficial: THAT'S WHAT THAT SOUND WAS

jensonbutton: DO WE LOOK LIKE A ZOO?

sebastianvettel: yes.

fernandoalo_oficial: i'm sorry but @mickschumacher this is why you weren't godfather

mickschumacher: NANDO

maxverstappen1: let me grab my popcorn

jensonbutton: mick we already have a dog and two cats and you let this menace get a REINDEER

sebastianvettel: he's a foster? don't talk to walter like he's not there

fernandoalo_oficial: mick you told me you were going for afternoon tea ?? i am so disappointed

mickschumacher: boo hoo old man this is why you lost 2010

yourusername: MICK?

user27: this man is well and truly off his rocker

yourusername: how long is walter here for?

sebastianvettel: he's got a bad foot :( but the sanctuary said he's great with kids 👍

yourusername: how would they possibly know that

fernandoalo_oficial: flo is not hanging out with a reindeer

sebastianvettel: not even a safe distance? :(

jensonbutton: from the window... STOP BRINGING WILDLIFE HOME

sebastianvettel: oh so fernando can bring home two surprise cats but i can't

yourusername: there is a wee difference between a cat and a REINDEER

charles_leclerc: does this mean when walter is better we can go for reindeer rides?

alexalbon: finally someone asking the real questions

yourusername: at this point you'll being coming to the north pole might as well throw in a reindeer ride as well

maxverstappen1: FUCK YES

jensonbutton

liked by yourusername, sebastianvettel and 1,008,653 others

jensonbutton: last time i was aware we only have one child ...

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user29: ELF MAX ELF MAX ELF MAX

user30: mia eating everyone up as usual

charles_leclerc: this is charles leclerc erasure of the highest order @sebastianvettel DO SOMETHING

jensonbutton: did you or did you not state: my ass looks too good in these tights, this can't go on the internet without a paywall?

charles_leclerc: i may have said that yes

jensonbutton: you are such a drama queen charlie

charles_leclerc: but we took other photos :(

jensonbutton: not everything has to be on instagram, that's what a mantlepiece is for

charles_leclerc: I'M GOING ON THE MANTLEPIECE ???????

jensonbutton: not if you keep being rude to me

charles_leclerc: sorry jenson :((((

jensonbutton: play piano for mia every night you're here and you're good

charles_leclerc: as if that's punishment

user31: charlie playing piano for flo is my favourite thing ever

yourusername: if we only have one baby, why do they all act like one?

fernandoalo_oficial: you insist on having all the grid kids over

yourusername: sue me i love them and i love how much they love flo

sebastianvettel: will you be saying that when we have to make breakfast for nearly 20 overgrown children

yourusername: DON'T LISTEN TO THEM BABIES HE CRIED WHEN HE READ YOUR GOODBYE MESSAGES

maxverstappen1: I KNEW I T

landonorris: me and mia really twinning here

yourusername: she really turned up, ate, got all the love and went back to sleep what a queen

danielricciardo: soz fernando i did santa better

fernandoalo_oficial: flo cried when you held her. so take that for what you will

danielricciardo: cried... from excitement

yourusername: she threw up on you

danielricciardo: FROM EXCITEMENT

sebastianvettel: you also cried?

danielricciardo: FROM EXCITEMENT?

yourusername

liked by fernandoalo_oficial, maxverstappen1 and 1,934,788 others

yourusername: baby's first christmas xx

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user37: it's florence's world and we're just living in it

maxverstappen1: mamma mia christmasses might just be where it's at, love you guys and mia xx

yourusername: awww maxy, we love you !! thank you for coming

maxverstappen1: the christmas dinner banged and i got to hang out with mia YOU CAN'T GET RID OF ME

fernandoalo_oficial: i love this family :)

jensonbutton: he's crying, i can hear it from the kitchen - i love you all too

sebastianvettel: i think the holidays have turned my heart to a puddle can we kick these people out and have a cuddle pile?

yourusername: i love you all more (definitely)

fernandoalo_oficial: thank you guys for giving me flo, the biggest gift in the world

yourusername: wouldn't change it for the world

sebastianvettel: i love our little chaos

jensonbutton: the best christmas ever

user38: okay but next year can y/n remember she has a youtube channel and do vlogmas ....

user39: NEEDED

charles_leclerc: "kick these people out" i'd like to see you try

maxverstappen1: you're never getting rid of us

yourusername: well charles you've kind of conditioned flo to only fall asleep to piano so i'm afraid you can't leave

maxverstappen1: don't tell jimmy and sassy but i fear i have an emotional attachment to walter

fernandoalo_oficial: oh boy you've condemned yourself there

sebastianvettel: set your alarm max, we're on walter duty tomorrow

maxverstappen1: yay?

yourusername: flo and i will make sure there's a hot choccy when you get back

jensonbutton: i for one am proud of beckett for not dive bombing the christmas tree

yourusername: and he only chased cream cheese and salmon once and we can blame that on daniel

danielricciardo: FALSEHOODS

jensonbutton: did you not challenge the dog to a race that led straight to the cat tree?

danielricciardo: maybe? IT WASN'T MY INTENTION

note: ehehehehehehehehehehe feeling in a giving mood and finished this a lot quicker than expected. i FUCKING LOVE CHRISTMAS AND I FUCKING LOVE MAMMA MIA. i hope you guys enjoy, i am working on your requests.

mamma mia will return

taglist: @boiohboii @vellicora @faithm120601 @raizelchrysanderoctavius @luv4kani @eugene-emt-roe @magical-spit @ironmaiden1313 @jaydaaasworld @whoreks @rainerax @nonsensical-nonsence @laneyspaulding19 @chelseyyouraverageluigi @lxclerc @gemofthenight @woweewoowa @tagteamedbitch@imagandom@mypage-myfandoms@mehrmonga@asparklysoul @unstableplant @motorsp0rt@multilovebot@lili-flower03 @its-elias-world @jolixtreesunn@nothingfuninthislife@rileynicol3@kodzuvk@mochimommy2002@fluffyspaceprincess@roseseraj@black-swan-blog27@nyrasslut@justdreamersdream@asfaraslifegets@why4anne@ineffableperson@leilanixx@lunyyx @pupbistro @gaypoetsblog@rafaaoli@champomiel@sadsierra2 @rainerax @lokietro @thecubanator2 @nzygftoji @rockyhayzkid @nmw-am @slytherheign @erikasurfer @turn-around-look-at-what-you-see @greigreyhiyyih @duck-duck-goose-18 @dark-night-sky-99 @ironcowboycopnickel @sizzlingghostoperatorbagel @2bormaybenot @42ndbrokencompass @whotfisvale @lichterfee @sticksdoesart @glitterf1 @turn-around-look-at-what-you-see @lighttsoutlewis @tagteamedbitch @glow-ish @sadg3 @kagatinkita @litoriaxu

[stevieschrodinger]

Part One TwentySix

Eddie climbs into the beemer, looking as hang dog as Steve has ever seen him, “what’s wrong?”

Eddie fiddles with his sweater cuffs, plucking at them with his finger nails, frowning, “we...speak English?”

“Yeah, that’s right. That’s what the language is called, English.”

“And...many more? Languages? Lots and lots, right?”

“Yeah baby, that’s right, what’s wrong?” Steve grows increasingly more alarmed, Eddie actually looks like he might cry.

“I have to learn more? Learn all?”

“Oh! Oh no, not if you don’t want to. You could learn another one one day, but only if you want to.”

“Sure? Do you promise?”

“Yeah. Yes, baby, I promise. Just this one.”

Eddie sags in his seat, whole body crumpling with relief. Steve can’t help but laugh, but he does give Eddie’s hand a comforting squeeze.

Eddie gets into the beemer holding one massive fucking sunflower. Like, the head of the thing is just. Huge.

“Too big. Too different,” Eddie elaborates, “can’t sell it.”

“Well, that’s okay, it’ll fit in perfect on the coffee table,” Eddie nods affably at Steve’s suggestion.

“Stevie?” Steve hums to show he’s listening, checking his mirrors as he pulls out of the car parking space. “Should we go to church?”

“Church?”

“Mrs. Vanderbilt,” Eddie sounds the name carefully, “say she’s worried about my immortal soul.”

“Does she now. And who is Mrs. Vanderbilt?”

“She makes flower arrangements for church. Stevie? What’s an immortal soul?”

Steve snorts a laugh, “well. Uhm. So there’s...some people believe that there’s God, and heaven and hell and stuff like that. And there’s loads of religions, like with languages, lots of places have different ones and...God is kind of like...do you remember El explaining about Santa at Christmas?”

“Yes. He has a beard and reindeer and choose if you’re good, then gifts. Not real though, fun for kids believe.”

“Yeah. Yeah God is like that, but for grown-ups. And instead of gifts you get into heaven when you die.” Steve sees Eddie’s face crinkle up in his peripheral vision, “actually, you know what, I bet there’s a book about this, library detour?”

Eddie nods, humming agreeably.

The book on religions they find at the library is probably, now, a little below Eddie’s reading level, but it seemed like the best option at the time. When Eddie looks up from it and asks, “think The Upside Down is hell?” Steve sort of regrets the idea of a book.

“No. No I don’t.”

“Sure?”

“Yeah. Hell's probably more like, fire. And brimstone. And I never once saw a little demon with a pitchfork. Also, and I know this for absolute certain, there’s no way someone as good as you comes from Hell.”

“Oh.”

“I think...it’s up to you want you want to decide baby, you read as much as you like, and you think about it, but I think it’s made up, like a-” Steve hesitates over actually saying 'fairy tale', since he’s talking to a guy who, literally, is like a character from one of those stories, “like something that’s made up," He finishes lamely. "Anyway, forget the book, come up here, I haven’t won the kissing game for a couple of days and I’m feeling lucky.”

Eddie leaves the book, forgotten for a while, and Steve decides the first chance he gets he’s taking that one back.

“Stevie!” Eddie bursts through the door of family video, luckily it’s the middle of the day and the place is dead. He breezes straight past Steve and presents four pink roses to Robin, “from Chrissy,” he tells her, causing a spectacular blush to form on Robins cheeks before she sinks down behind the counter.

Eddie completely ignores her. “Knock knock.”

“Who's there?” Steve asks reflexively.

“Eddie with some flowers,” Eddie says proudly, and then promptly bursts out laughing.

“Uhm...Eddie with some flowers who?”

“What?” Eddie looks confused.

“...what?” Steve asks, feeling as confused as Eddie looks.

Eddie brightens again a second later, “knock knock.”

“Who’s there?” Steve asks again, cautious this time.

“Family Video.”

“Family video...who?”

“Family video not house!” Eddie declares, and then laughs uproariously.

From behind the counter, Robin Whispers, “what is happening?”

“I have...absolutely no idea,” Steve answers, right before Eddie starts again on another nonsensical knock knock joke.

There isn’t much that Eddie does that annoys Steve, to be fair, there’s not really anything. But this. By the time he gets home he’s had enough of Eddie’s one man comedy act. “Joyce,” he hisses down the phone desperately, “you don’t understand how shit they are; they don’t even mean anything.”

She has the audacity to laugh at him, “I remember the boys going through that phase. They both did it when they were...four? Maybe Jon was five.”

“How long does it last???”

“Oh, I don’t know, few months maybe, off and on?”

Steve, very gently, bangs his forehead against the wall.

Eddie’s holding a bunch of something pink and only, maybe, a tiny bit wilted. He’s bright eyed as he gets into the car, “Stevie, Chrissy say at me about a new thing. We can try?”

“Sure, baby, what is it?” Steve has the car in reverse, checking his mirrors as he pulls out of the spot.

“Blowjobs.”

Steve’s really pleased with how well he just...doesn’t react to that. Because, truthfully, he’s thought about it. He has. Really. But...well. Eddie’s teeth are sharp. And it’s not that Steve thinks Eddie would ever, ever hurt him on purpose, but that doesn’t mean Steve doesn’t have some, potentially, unresolved toe loss related trauma. And then there’s Eddie’s dick, and how...wriggly it is. How the end opens up and the...well. Just the whole thing, really.

“Stevie?”

“Why...are you and Chrissy talking about blowjobs?”

Eddie shrugs, “Chrissy not really like them, she ask if I liked them. I say I not try them. She said…” Eddie frowns, thinking, “she said, ‘you never get a blowjob?’ and got...angry sad? At Stevie?”

“Oh, she thought I was getting blowjobs but never giving you blowjobs?” Steve can, vaguely, feel his eye starting to twitch. He also can’t help but be fucking irritated with Chrissy, not only is it not her business, but he also can’t really be annoyed with her because...really if that’s what she was worried about, she is only sticking up for Eddie. He’s so naive, there’s no way Chrissy hasn’t picked up on just how innocent Eddie is, so Steve can't really blame her for thinking that anyone could take advantage of Eddie.

Even if it is fucking annoying.

“Yes, but I tell her no blow jobs at all. But we can try now, right?”

“Right. Right. Yeah. Sure. Uh hu.”

Eddie nods, “when we get home.”

“Right,” Steve says, with far more confidence than he feels.

“Stevie? Why not tell about blowjobs before?”

Steve hums, “just kind of...was saving it for a special occasion?” He tries desperately, he can’t look at Eddie as he speaks, keeping his eyes on the road, “didn’t want to go through all the good stuff too fast, you know?”

“Oh okay.”

Eddie limpets himself to Steve the second they’re over the threshold, demanding kisses, his fingers already exploring around Steve’s jeans button, “hang on hang on, couch or bed?”

“Couch,” Eddie answers easily, still kissing Steve as they walk awkwardly though the house. Steve sits, letting Eddie kneel between his legs, fumbling with his zipper.

And, the thing is, Steve really, genuinely believed he could do this. He trusts Eddie, he does. He loves Eddie, really, but he’s not even half hard when Eddie gets him out. And like Eddie...is, he tends to just go for things. Steve catches sight of the teeth and just...can’t. His hands are in Eddie’s way and he’s tucking himself away again before he can really think about it, “could we, maybe, leave this until...later?”

Eddie pouts, “want to try.”

“I just, I don’t want to do this right now, okay?” And the guilt Steve feels is a live thing. He remembers so clearly when he’d been frightened of Eddie’s dick, and how upset Eddie had been. That same fear raises it’s ugly head.

“But why? Chrissy tell me boys really like it-”

“I mean, I do. Kind of. But I just think we could...not do this.”

“But Chrissy say-”

“Jesus Christ Eddie.” Steve snaps, getting angry now. He’s not going to be prodded into doing something he just doesn’t want to do. Especially not by Chrissy Cunningham. “Since you’ve been working with her it’s been Chrissy this and Chrissy that, can’t you just, leave it? For once?” Steve gets up, needing to be away from this conversation.

“But why?”

“Because I just don’t want to, okay? Why don’t you go and ask Chrissy since she knows everything,” Steve snaps again, he knows he’s snapping, and it’s just making him angrier at himself for reacting this way, but he can’t seem to stop himself, defensiveness fueled by the guilt eating at him.

“Maybe,” Eddie says, hands on hips, frowning from the doorway.

“Go then. Go ask her what I should do about it.”

Eddie’s frown is nuclear now as he faces Steve across the kitchen, he tries to speak, half formed words at first, Eddie clearly struggling as he gets upset, “you think? You think?? You promise forever! Stee scared of Eddidie more! Eddidie different! Stee tell away!”

“You are though, you are different!” Steve knows he's wrong the second he says it. He knows Eddie well enough that saying that in anger is a cheap shot, and unforgivable low blow.

Eddie’s mouth pops open, shocked and affronted. He goes to speak but just...doesn’t. He turns and leaves...Steve hears the front door go.

“For fucks sake,” he sighs to himself, angry and upset with himself, the fight goes out of him as he’s swamped by guilt. Steve makes himself move to follow Eddie out. He opens the door just in time to watch Eddie pull the beemer out of the driveway, “oh fuck.”

“There’s pretty much only one place he would go, I think.” Steve tells Hopper, “so I’m pretty sure he will be there.”

Hopper hums from the drivers seat, “and what exactly did you two fight about?”

“I...well. I think this is one of those times where you don’t ask unless you’re really sure you want to know.”

“I don’t want to know.”

“Yeah, there it is,” Steve breathes a massive sigh of relief, the beemer is parked near the florist. Tight to the curb too, a good parking job, and there’s not a single mark on her. The florists however, is shut for the day.

Steve bangs on the door, peering through the glass. It’s dark inside, but there’s some light shining through that little door in the back. Steve knocks on the glass again, and eventually Chrissy appears. She unlocks the door, immediately telling Steve, “he doesn’t want to see you.”

“Kid, can I go?” Hopper calls from where he’s half tucked the truck out of the way.

“Yeah,” Steve waves him off, turning back to Chrissy, “I need to apologize to him. Please.”

She scowls and makes a vague humphing noise at him, “fine,” Steve slips awkwardly through the gap Chrissy allows him, and once in she locks the door behind him. Steve follows her into the shop, “Eddie, I’m putting some stuff in the car out back, you come get me if you need me, okay?”

Steve comes around the doorway to see Eddie nodding sadly, he’s sitting in what must be their tiny break room. There’s two chairs and a beat up Formica top table, a little electric kettle on top of a under counter refrigerator. Eddie’s got a scrunched up wad of tissues in his hand where he’s clearly been crying.

“Hi Eddie,” Eddie fiddles with his tissues and keeps his eyes on his knees, not looking at Steve, so he pulls up the other chair, “I’m really sorry.” Eddie nods, but doesn’t say anything.

“I just,” Steve sighs, rubbing at his face roughly, “I did get scared okay? But I shouldn’t have...I should have just explained, I shouldn’t have shouted.”

Eddie nods, shredding the tissue, “I sorry too.”

“It’s...not you're fault. Not really. I just...Eddie, your teeth are really sharp you know, and my dick is...my dick. I know you’d never hurt me on purpose, okay, I know that but…”

“Chri-” Eddie bites it back, and stops speaking again.

“Yeah. I’m sorry about that too. It’s good you have a friend okay? It’s good she’s...teaching you things I haven’t thought of. It’s…you can talk about Chrissy, it’s fine.”

“Chrissy say...no people should do anything they don’t want to. Especially with sex stuff...so Eddie a bit wrong,” he sniffles, “but she help me dig hole anyway.”

“What hole?”

“For your body. Dead soon, but that...kind of funny joke?”

Eddie says it in a way that means he did not find it funny at all, and Steve snorts a laugh, “yeah. Yeah, she’s a good friend.”

They sit in silence for another minute before Steve offers, “you did a really good job of parking the car...do you want to drive me home?”

“Yeah,” Eddie stands, and so does Steve, and then they both move in for a hug at the same time, Eddie desperately throwing his arms around Steve's shoulders and holding him as tight as he can.

Steve swears to himself he’s going to do better with this stuff, and lets himself nose at Eddie’s ear, his skin tickled by Eddie’s new curls.

Eddie answers the phone, “Harrington residence,” he says carefully.

Steve watches him frown for a second, before he says, “yes, wait please,” and then offers the phone to Steve, “doctors.”

“Oh, right, yeah,” Steve takes the phone, confirming his address and date of birth, before the lady tells him his test results are ready to pick up.

He hangs up, and Eddie’s there, offering him a pen, “that your birthday?”

“I- yeah. Yeah it was.”

Eddie nods, “should be on calendar before, Stevie,” Eddie admonishes gently.

“Okay, I’ll do it now, and then we can go get my results, okay?”

Eddie nods, “no more condoms,” he says solemnly.

Steve snorts a startled laugh.

There’s a frantic banging on the front door, then the bell rings. The bell rings again before Steve can even clamber up off the couch. It’s Eddie and Chrissy, and they hustle into the house before Steve even has the door all the way open.

Steve’s already alarmed, he isn’t due to pick Eddie up for another hour at least, and Chrissy wouldn’t just close the store unless it was an emergency.

“What happened?”

“There was a man,” Chrissy explains a little breathless, “Eddie hid behind the counter the second he saw him, and I’m sure he didn’t see Eddie, I’m sure. But he was asking questions. If a young man worked at the store, weird things about Starcourt. I just kept telling him no Steve but- he’s definitely looking for Eddie.”

Steve feels a mounting sense of dread as she speaks, “Eddie, did you know him?”

Eddie nods, looking frightened, “Starcourt. When I was in tank.”

“Tank?” Chrissy pulls a face, “what tank?”

“Uhm,” Steve suddenly realizes that Chrissy maybe shouldn’t be here for this part, Steve definitely needs to call Hopper, “Chrissy, thank you, but maybe you should go-”

“Absolutely not. Not if Eddie’s in trouble-”

“Okay, but the thing is-”

“Steve.” Chrissy huffs, “I know, okay?”

“You know...what?”

“I don’t know!” She flails a little, “I don’t know what I don’t know! But I do know that Eddie had never heard of the moon landing! He didn’t know that the guy on the five dollars is Abraham Lincoln! He didn’t know that other languages exist and he certainly can’t speak anything other than English even though, according to you,” she pokes Steve in the chest, “he should be able to speak Finnish! And he can’t!”

She’s getting worked up now, and Steve finds himself taking a step back, his hands up in defeat. For a tiny cheerleader, Chrissy’s kind of scary.

“He can find one bug in a delivery of a hundred stems Steve! And do you know how, he told me he can hear them! Hear them! I’ve watched him trim anything from daises to roses to full on sunflowers with his thumbnails Steve! He can cut baler twine with them. And don’t get me started on the florist wire, do you know what he does with that? He just straight up fucking bites through it!” Chrissy gets louder and pinker the longer she rants.

“He came to work with a mashed potato sandwich, like that's normal!! His tears are fucking brown! Brown! Those fingernails, that’s not polish, they’ve never been chipped, not once, they just grow that way, right? And I might be a blonde cheerleader but I am not stupid. So no. Okay, no. I don’t know what Eddie is. But I do know he’s my godamn best friend and if he’s in trouble, I want to help, okay?”

She’s all bright eyed and kind of breathless, and just a little terrifying. Eddie’s got his hands up in front of himself, nervously pulling at the threads of his cuffs, eyes big and worried as they slide back and forth between Steve and Chrissy.

Steve sighs, “okay. Okay. We can explain, but I just...I need to make a call first.”

Part TwentyEight

[gallusrostromegalus]

On God I was working on the AEIWAM Outline today but I also got "The AEIWAM cast, post-fic, go to the Aquarium" brainrot so have this:

It kicks off with Retsu seeing Kenpachi deep in thought for once and asking him what he's mulling over and after a moment he asks: "Are there zoos for fish?" "...Pardon?" "There are lotsa fish," he reasons, "-at least as many as there are land animals, but they're all really hard to see, because they're in the water." Retsu considers him for a moment before gently asking "Do you mean The Aquarium?" "The what?"

Retsu, texting Ichigo in the Gotei-13 Groupchat at 2AM: I need you to acquire tickets and human chaperones for a group field trip to The Aquarium Ichigo, who fears her above everyone else in soul society: Yes, Captain. Retsu: If it was just the SWA I'd only ask for tickets but you know what The Lads are like. Ichigo: Unfortunately, Yes. Ichigo: I'll bring the first aid kit, zip ties, duct tape and candy. Retsu: Good man.

Upon Arrival, Kenpachi has already been lectured about "You ARE NOT ALLOWED to fight and/or eat the fish, no matter how annoying and/or delicious they look

Turns out they were lecturing the wrong guy because it's Byakuya that develops a personal rivalry with a grouper ("It's smug expression disgusts me." "Captain that is a FISH.") and has to be talked out of climbing into the tank to fight it

after that he has to hold hands with Rukia or Renji.

Rukia discovers Sea Bunnies and ends up crying about them.

Yachiru gets to see them feeding the Piranha and it's a Spiritual Experience for her.

Later, she gets to see them feed the sharks and it's an EVEN BETTER spiritual Experience.

Hitsugaya learns Penguins are real and not just 'made up for christmas, like the flying reindeer and the guy with the suspect toy charity'.

Momo lights into him about "Penguins are my favorite animal, they've been my favorite animal for decades YOU THOUGHT THEY WERE FAKE?" Hitsugaya: "YOU ALSO USED TO LIKE UNICORNS!" Momo: "THOSE ARE ALSO REAL!" Orihime: "They are?" Momo: "...I keep forgetting they're extinct in the living world."

Tousen gets to experience the Touch Pool and the docents realize what's up so they start pulling out the cool stuff like sea hares and moray eels because he's an adult that can be trusted to pet things gently.

When the group comes back to collect him the staff is letting him hand feed a Pacific Red Octopus, and Yachiru immediately demands she be allowed to as well.

Retsu quietly releases Minazuki into the stingray touch pool so she can "go play with her cousins :)"

Kenpachi and Yamamoto asking "Can we eat it?" about every. single. animal.

The extremely dedicated docent that is *just* Psychic enough to know something is up with this group of chucklefucks so they're following them through the aquarium, but is also genuinely having fun answering every fucking insane question these guys ask.

Yoruichi was not anticipating there to be Tigers at the aquarium (they ARE semi-aquatic and part of a larger exhibit on Tropical Riparian Ecosystems) and she is SUPER NOT JEALOUS of how much Urahara and Baby Labcat like them.

There is also an exhibit with an Anaconda that the docent finds Rangiku staring at with a forlorn expression. Docent: "It's okay, not everyone is a fan of snakes." Rangiku: "What? Oh, no, I love snakes. They just also remind me of my Ex." Docent: *WomanTryingToDoMath.Meme* Docent: *Considers the size of the Anaconda* Docent: "...Ah. Yeah, I'd miss a man like that too."

Renji, Ichigo and Ikkaku going "Its YOU!" to each other over every single red, orange or round creature.

Kenpachi going "IT ME!!" about the black urchins before anyone can get him though.

Shunsui pointing at the sea otters that are holding hands and declaring, tears in his eyes "Jushiro! It's US!" Ukitake then prompty ruins the moment by telling Shunsui Fun Facts about Sea Otters like how they're basically giant marine weasels that will absolutely drown each other's young and maul anyone dumb enough to touch one.

The Dolphins all love Komamura and he is just a little bit smug about this.

Relatedly, not sure if its funnier for Komamura to show up in a Human Gigai, or as Tousen's "Service Dog"

Human Gigai: -Komamura is weirdly stony-faced and sort of intimidating and everyone thinks he's stressed out but really he's used to making micro-expressions and gesturing with his ears so he sorta just forgot how to move his face. -Still Nine and a Half feet tall and smacking his head on Everything

Service Dog: -"He's uh. A Shepherd. Mix." Ichigo says to the aforementioned Docent about what is very obviously a Bigass Timber Wolf. -Sajin doesn't give a rat's ass about his cover and keeps talking to Tousen while in dog form. If anyone looks at him funny he makes direct eye contact and says "Woof. Bark."

Yamamoto vs. Escalator. Catastrophic Beard Incident. 2 injured, 16 Dead but they were like that already.

Ukitake, Retsu, and Tama all Not Shutting Up With Facts About Every Fish Ever because they all share a Special Interest.

They briefly lose Byakuya in the Jellyfish exhibit because Rukia and Renji both thought the other one was holding Byakuya's hand and he is *enchanted* by the wall-sized tank of Moon Jellies.

Ikkaku attempting to talk Yachiru out of getting the ridiculously oversized Great White Shark plushie only for Zaraki to get it for both of them instead.

Everyone had a great time and is Very Tired and so they don't realize anything is amiss until they get back to Ichigo's place and the nightly news comes on. "Hey ichigo?" Yuzu calls. "Why is Ms. Unohana on TV?" The news has a story with a still image of Retsu on CCTV and "Authorities are looking for this woman who somehow ADDED a fully intact and highly venomous short-tailed stingray to the aquarium's touch pool" "OH MY GOD WE FORGOT MINAZUKI!"

[ugotcooneycrossed]

a christmas education • kyra cooney-cross

a/n: little something based off this since its christmas tmr

you're determined to educate your girlfriend on all things christmas

------------------------------------------------------------the build up to an appropriate time to blast christmas music has you buzzing. having been on the team for two years now- everyone has promptly banned you from anything christmas related until december first. a rule in place after your first year with the team, when you rocked up to training donning a santa hat, singing jingle bells at the top of your lungs, two days after halloween.

so, the moment your alarm sounds on the first of december- you shoot up in bed, in your excitement, you momentarily forget your girlfriend spent the night, and you send her tumbling out of bed.

leaning over the other side you smile at her sheepishly- she's sprawled out on the floor, face hidden in the mass of blankets she brought down with her.

"oops- sorry ky."

she sends you a thumbs up- sitting up fully now. her hair still messy and yawning.

"come on kyra- it's christmas time!"

"it's only the first baby."

"umm yeah- the first of december! now come on-there is so much christmas music we can listen to from now until training."

-

"tell me baby- do you recognise me?! its been a year, it doesnt surprise me!"

"oh god- here she comes."

you dance into the change rooms- invisible microphone in hand. your christmas sweater-complete with flashing lights, bells, and a protruding, squeaky, red nose- jingles as you shimmy your way to your locker.

"merry christmas everyone!"

kyra comes in after you- dragging her feet, she stops at lia, whispering in the older woman's ear.

"why didnt you tell me she's crazy?"

-

you steal the gym speaker before anyone else can-connecting your phone and ignoring the groans that ring out.

"babe! what's your favourite christmas song?"

"uhh- i don't know."

"what do you mean, you dont know?!"

"if im being honest (y/n), i dont know much about christmas stuff."

kyra shrugs-brushing off it off, smiling at you. but when she see's your mouth hanging open- eyes bewildered and unresponsive, her smile faulters.

"babe?"

"what do you mean, 'you dont know much' about christmas kyra!"

"dunno- just never really thought much about it."

"we- i need to fix this."

-

"so, first we decorate the tree- yes i did take everything off, so we can do it all over again together and listen to all the christmas music possible, then we're going to decorate gingerbread houses and watch all the christmas movies."

you smile proudly- standing in front of your now bare christmas tree.

-

"rudolph the red nose reindeer- something, something, some-something."

kyra sings softy under her breath- moving around the tree- hanging the ornaments on gently.

finally, you reach down- handing her the star, and nodding to the top of the tree.

"you want me to put this on?"

"yeah!"

-

"okay- so we'll start with the grinch- and then see where we get from there!"

you watch kyra decorate and watch the movie with a grin- something about kyra loving the grinch just makes so much sense.

-

"done!"

you look up from yours- the final touches perfecting your house, you look at her's, then yours, then back to hers.

she's brandishing it to you proudly- grinning at you with frosting around her lips.

the roof of her house has collapsed in- some of her gummy lollies half bitten and stuck to random parts of the house. most of the frosting probably eaten instead of holding together the walls of her house.

"its beautiful?"

"thanks! i know right!"

-

"now this is my favourite part of christmas."

you take her hand- leading her to your bedroom, the door open.

"your bed?"

"no you idiot- look up!"

"why do you have a random bush-"

"its mistletoe ky."

"ohhh- oh- oh."

you put your hands around her neck- her own wrapping around your waist- and you share a sweet kiss.

"mmh- you taste like frosting."

[not-magdi]

"Home for the Holidays"

Summary: Going home for the holidays with your boyfriend 

Word Count: 1.9k

Reading time: 7 min 40sec

Genre: Fluff

A/N 

A Pedri image for some change again, I wasn't sure at first with who I was going to write it but he gave me better vibes for this. 

Hope you enjoy it!

Love you guys Magdi <3

(His smile aagghh, it's so cute!!)

You were currently packing your bags as you were flying home for Christmas. The whole day, you were in a good mood, blasting Christmas songs through your speakers and dancing around your house to them.

Since you moved to Barcelona for your new job six months ago, you haven't been able to travel home for once. Work and other things were always getting in the way.

But now you finally have time to go home and spend the holidays with your family. You were beyond excited you hadn't seen your parents in a long time, the last time they visited you was in summer when they came to visit you and meet your new boyfriend, Pedro Gonzáles.

The same boyfriend who is currently sitting on the floor beside you, laughing at all the stupid Christmas sweaters you own.

"Amor, why do you have so many of them !?"

"Because they're awsome. Look! This one has little kittens with hats on them!"

You threw a reindeer one at him as he still laughed at you. The two of you continued to joke around until you heard your phone ringing.

"It's my mum, give me a sec."

As you picked up, your smile faltered when you heard the sad voice of your mum as she greeted you. Walking out of the room, you tried to find a quiet corner so you could speak to her.

"Hey Mum, is everything alright?" You asked her concerned.

"Well, not quite. We just got a national wetter warning for the whole country. There's a big snowstorm coming. All airports cancelled their flights to here."

Your phone nearly fell out of your hand as you heard the news. "No please, no." Tears started to gather in your eyes as you let the information sink in.

"I'm so sorry, honey, but we can visit you soon, after this storm is over. I promise."

Snapping out of your thoughts, you quickly say goodbye to your mum and hand up again. When you put your phone back into your pocket, the first tear ran down your face. Not being able to go home meant you would be spending Christmas alone for the first time.

Your long absence made Pedri curious about where you ended up, so he stood up and began to search for you.

"Y/N where are you?"

You quickly dried your tears as you heard him rounding the corner to the living room.

"Y-yeah I'm fine. ¡No te preocupes!" (Don't worry)

You tried to make your voice sound more steady than it actually was. But as soon as you locked eyes with Pedri, the dams broke. With tears streaming down your face, you tried to explain to him what happened, though nothing but sobs left your lips.

"I-I (sob), I can't-"

"Hey, it's ok. Estoy auqí, estoy aquí." (I'm here, I'm here.)

Pedri rushed over to you and immediately took you into his embrace. Gripping his hoodie, you buried your face into his neck and continued to cry.

Not knowing what happened, Pedri let his fingers run through your hair in an attempt to calm you down a bit.

"Tell your Pepi what happened Amor. Maybe I can help you fix it." He softly stroked your cheek while tightening his other arm around you.

Shaking your head, you answer with a shaking voice. "I don't think you can help me with this. The only thing that could help me would be a magical change in the weather."

"¿Qué quieres decir cariño? (What do you mean honey?)

"Th-There is a massive storm at home. (Sniff) I-I can't go home, Pedri."

You looked up at him as you told him the reason for your misery, your voice barely a whisper. Pedri felt his heart squeeze as he saw your red eyes and puffy, wet cheeks.

While holding you in his arms, trying to reassure you, an idea sparked into his mind.

"Baby, do you wanna spend Christmas with my family?"

You smiled slightly at his suggestion. Pedri would do anything to make you happy. But you weren't sure about his idea. You see, Pedri and you have only been together for five months. Yes, you've already met his family, but you didn't want to intrude on such an intimate holiday.

"Pepi, I'm not sure. You've not seen your family for so long I don't want to intrude."

Looking at you in disbelief, Pedri takes your face into his hands. "Bebé, my parents love you! You would be the last person to intrude. Please do it for me. I couldn't enjoy myself knowing you would be here, alone."

Your heart melted at his statement, so you agreed to go to the Canary Islands with him and his brother.

It was the 23rd of December, and after paying way too much for a last-minute plane ticket, you and Pedri met Fer at the airport and are now waiting for your gate to open.

"I'm happy you're here. Pedro is way more fun when you're with him."

You blushed at Fer's words. He is always so friendly towards you. Ever since the day Pedri introduced you two. Fer made you feel welcome, and you really appreciated that. As you wanted to say something to him, your gate opened, and Pedri ushered you to board the plane.

Your flight was pretty chill. A few people asked Pedri if they could take a photo with him, which he happily agreed to do. You always admired how kind he acted around his fans.

After you landed, you three got a taxi and drove to Pedri's and Fer's childhood home.

Fernando and Rosy were already waiting by the door to greet all of you. As soon as the two brothers were out of the car, they were already in the warm embrace of their parents.

You stood beside them for a while, not wanting to interrupt their long-awaited family reunion. But as soon as Rosy saw you, she let go of her sons to give you a big welcoming hug.

"Y/n! It's so great that you're here!"

"Thank you for letting me stay here. I really appreciated it!"

Fernando also came over to give you a quick hug. "Oh please, we are more than happy to have you here."

After unpacking and resting for some time, Pedri decided to show you around in his hometown. You visited his school, first-ever football club, and the beach where he and his friends would always go after training.

You were amazed to see all the places that made your Pedro who he is now.

After spending the whole day exploring the island, you two came home to a home-cooked meal. You ate dinner and had a wonderful time with his family. You were unbelievably grateful to be a part of all this.

The next day, you woke up on top of Pedri. His warm hands were stroking your back, which ultimately woke you up.

"Bon dia bebé." Kissing the side of your face, Pedri greeted you with his slightly groggy morning voice.

"Mhm, morning Amor."

You cuddled deeper into his warm embrace again and nearly fell asleep until Fer banged his fist against the door.

"Morning lovebirds! Get up!"

Groaning, Pedri moves you from him and slowly sits up. "I swear to god I love him, but sometimes he needs to be smacked on the back of his head."

You both start to giggle and decide to get up and begin the day. You put on some old training shorts and a shirt that you took from Pedri. You head downstairs to the kitchen, where Fernando is already preparing dinner for the evening.

"Good morning, you two! Breakfast is at the table, take what you want."

Thanking him, you head to the dining table. Fer and Rosy were already eating. You sat next to Pedri's mum, who greeted you with a warm smile.

While eating breakfast, you decide what you should do for the day. You choose helping Fer with the shopping while Pedri stays at home and helps his parents prepare for the evening.

It turned out that buying snacks and drinks for fourteen people takes longer than you thought. You and Fer came home barely before the first members of his family started to arrive.

The house looks beautifully decorated. It looks like it came straight out of a postcard. Pedri's family was unbelievably welcoming to you. You had a great time and enjoyed yourself truly.

When it was time for the presents, you quickly ran up the stairs to grab presents for Pedri and his parents. As soon as it was clear that you would join Pedri for the holidays, you immediately searched for presents for his parents.

You got his mum a beautiful necklace and his dad a bottle of wine. You hope they will like them. Pedri wasn't much help while buying them, so you just guessed.

When you arrived at the living room, wrapping paper flew around, and you could see Pedri playing with one of his cousins. Sitting next to him, you gave Pedri's parents their presents.

They absolutely loved them. Rosy hugged you tight after you put the necklace on her.

"My dear, thank you so much. I love it!"

"I'm glad you like it. But give me a second I have to hand Pedri his gift to."

You approached him with a small red envelope you picked up from under the Christmas tree.

"Merry Christmas, Pepi."

Smiling at you, he took the envelope and pulled you onto his lap. You squealed and blushed, not used to showing so much affection in front of his family.

"What are you doing!?" You whisper-shouted into his ear.

"I missed you, my family has had way to much time with you."

You smirked at his slight jealousy. Pedri was never the biggest fan of sharing your attention.

"Come on, open your present now."

He ripped the envelope open and gasped.

"You got me tickets for Quevedo!?"

"Yeah, I saw that he is in Barcelona next summer, so I quickly bought them."

You felt Pedris arms tighten around you as he nuzzled his face into your neck. "I love you so much, thank you!!"

"I love you too ba-woah!" You gasped as Pedri literally threw you off his lap and sat you down on the couch.

"Wait here for a second. I need to get your gift."

As he rushed upstairs, you looked on in confusion. After a few minutes, he returned with a small white box in his hand.

Sitting down before you, he gave you the little box.

You quickly unwrapped it and gasped loudly, "No, you didn't!"

The box contained a Pandora bracelet, the kind of bracelet that allows you to add multiple charms. You talked to Pedri that you loved the idea of them. But that you thought they were too expensive.

You lunged yourself at him, wrapping your arms tightly around his neck. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!!"

"You're welcome Amor. I'm happy you like it."

He helped you put the bracelet on, and as you looked closer, you saw a little Barcelona charm hanging from it. You gave Pedri a sweet kiss and continued to watch the rest of the family unwrapping their presents.

You spend the rest of the evening chatting and laughing with his family. You had a great time and felt truly like a part of the family. Something Pedri was already planning on making you after today.

------

Don't forget to leave a like if you enjoyed it, feedback is always welcome !!

[princessbrunette]

ik i sent an ask earlier but i just had to share my thoughts 😓😓😓 i need to dress up in tiny brown lingerie with little antlers and fake freckles as a reindeer for rafe <3333 and force him to wear a santa hat - 🧸

that’s such a cute look omfg !!!!!!! and you’re somehow being so innocent and cute about it, so happy about your little costume as you climb all over him smiling in his face like “d’you like it rafe? i got the reindeer ears from the craft store and and —” and he’s not concentrating, just grabbing you up, pushing his bulge into you like “yeah, yeah baby real nice.” trying to get his mouth on u asap 😭

and you whine, pulling away like “waaaait!” making him sigh and roll his eyes like “what?”

and you pull out a little santa hat bashfully like “can you wear this? i got it specially for you…” and at that point he’ll do anything to get your panties off so he’s letting you plop it on his head with a careless sigh, soon to have your ankles on his shoulders and the bell at the end of his hat jingling each time he thrusts into you :(

[siremasterlawrence]

The Glorious Reintroduction Of Santa Clause

My plan is pretty sound as I lay out milk and cookies for the fool like if I am a damn kid but I do what I must to trap good old saintNick and well he fell of hook like and sinker as the trap goes off.He snuck through my home with a useful like sweat to him as he takes a step at a time he creeps to my tree as the signal goes off to let me know as the alarm blares loudly to set the trap.The floor is triggered as the planned blast in array of colors as the lights are turn on automatically they are thrown at him landing on his feet he steps on to it as if secretly wraps on to his feet yanking the cord. He trips instinctively on to the freshly cleaned carpet as it tightens around his body and the carpet rolls up covering him up in place and he is locked in place prep for me.

I shed the bed covers off of my body in the midst of freezing December weather but I did not care in excitement, I grab my robe before descending down the staircase to see it for my eyes.The moron is all snuggled into a perfect ass Christmas present for me as I step off of the last one walking to my poor little merry kind of prisoner and well way say I have plans on plans. Struggling to as he manages to land back on his feet he stares me down as I tower over him while my hands cup under his chin and lift him upward to face as me as his anger rages. I smirk a bit lifting my hand up slapping my hand on his as the tears I can see him raging with roar red rouge covering his face and I enjoy all of my power.

“You need to let me go, I have a job to finish in twelve hours.”

“You will never be let go until I say so”

“What do you want kid?”

“I am full grown man!”

“Yeah! I explain very soon”

“You loved those concoctions I left for you “

“It is absolutely delicious! I can’t stop thinking about.”

“You are fixated “

“Stop it ! STOP!”

“Oh Santa baby”

“I hate that song! What are you planning?”

“This delightful concoctions are mind altering products.”

“You little shit “

“Uhh! You don’t want to be on the naughty list. Right nick?”

“You arrogant…ugh…what can I do for you?”

“Old Saint Nick! Santa Clause! Mrs Clause!”

“Quit that! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I am about to assume control.”

“Reindeer, North Pole, Sled, Red”

“You cannot possible keep my captured like this forever.”

“Why is that ?”

“You have to set me free”

“Oh poor baby!”

“ You asshole!”

“Diagnosis the vessel “

“Oh fuck! I can’t function”

“Shut down immediately “

“Vessel is a open book”

“Perfection! What happen to his jolly old fat ass?”

“It’s his first run”

“Geez! A newbie “

“At least he is in shape “

“Commence the Santa project”

“Processing begins “

“The Christmas lights begin to blink”

“Blinking upward and downward “

“Blinding you on impact “

“You are easily ensnared “

“Nnnnoooooo”

“You can’t fight it, surrender to my will and be mine.”

“You can feel it deep in to your soul”

“Your life flies by your eyes “

“You belong to me”

“You are a man in charge with a heart gold no longer”

“In fact you are the total opposite a hardcore submissive.”

“You love me, live for me, and submit to me.”

“I am your man, your heart, and your bro “

“Your everything and you swear to me”

“Now be a good boi as the lights glow everywhere”

“Yes Master”

“Dear Santa Clause”

“What is your wish my love ?”

“The downfall of the North Pole?”

“As you command so be it”

“Your powers”

“All you have to do is fuck me”

“Then what ?”

“My powers are yours anyway “

“Oh I see!”

“What Master Lawrence?”

“You are desire me to fuck you period “

“Yes Master”

“It’s a win win”

“I love you Master”

“Strip off your clothes for me”

“Stare in to my eyes “

“Learn your place”

“Sir Yes Master Lawrence Sir”

“Kneel for me “

“Make out with me”

“All you have to do is make a wish Master”

“I wish to have all of your powers”

“Close your eyes and take a deep breath “

“Our souls are connected now”

“We share everything “

“However! I am at your disposal “

“Under your thrall “

“Instructed by your voice”

“Living by your whims “

“What do you see ?”

“A wondrous place beyond my imagination “

“It’s the Santa Verse”

“Every Santa is here “

“We are your slaves now “

“No going back now “

“Kiss me and you will have it all “

“With pleasure “

“Mmmmmm”

“Fuck! You own me”

“Do I?”

“Bro!”

“Go on”

“I can’t even think”

“My brain…is…hahahaha “

“Fried?”

“Yeah! I guess “

“Dummy Clause”

“Hot!”

“You would think so?”

“Babe come on “

“I know “

“Yeah bro”

“What so tonight anyway?”

“Christmas”

“Oh shit! Help me bro! I am so stupid “

“Obviously bro! Don’t worry”

“Oh! I fucked up”

“Hell yeah! I’ll fix it for you “

The end

[dragon-queen21]

Umm, I want to request autistic agere Zoro. I think Zoro would get overwhelmed and try to hide it from everyone. I also think he would love taking naps on the grass of the Sunny (Texture).

I also think that Franky would compliment him once and then he would just seek out Franky because yes. Also Franky is a SUPER big brother and Zoro needs to be held.

Zoro would also naturally avoid the stairs at all costs. Baby doesn't want to see the, be near them, and will cry if someone's on them.

He cuddles with Chopper during nap time because fluffy doctor=satisfied patient. He would also love listening to Brook play the violin away from commotion because he has sensitive hearing.

Cries when yelled at. Confused with affection but gets used to it. Tries to wear as little clothes as possible unless the texture is nice. Hates things around his neck.

He needs to be around each crew member at least an hour of every day watching them. Has a good sense of smell except when it comes to BO. Baby likes staying clean. Baby will drink the blood of baby's enemies if offered (mistakes it for juice).

Sorry for having you read all this, it's just, in my mind eating me alive.

No apologies I am always open to getting rambles from people about favorite characters, headcanons, anything really :3 If anyone should be apologizing it’s me for taking so long to answer you. Sorry about that with halloween asks and just general irl stuff my brain has been all over the place.

Tw for unintentional self harm

~I feel like he would get overwhelmed while big, end up regressing involuntarily, and now that Zoro is small, still be overwhelmed because everything that was causing him to be overwhelmed in the first place is there only it feels like it multiplied tenfold.

~I bet that has confused so many crewmates when a once content Zoro just bursts into tears when they are coming down the stairs. Does he just not want to see them? Overwhelmed by something? Just felt like crying anyways? Returned to normal Zoro would never admit to what makes him so upset so the crew is left to guess and wonder.

~Franky would probably be so good at dealing with meltdowns, because he can just, pick Zoro up even if the regressor is flailing around and take him somewhere to calm down. (Also Franky would call him a little rapscallion)

~Overwhelmed by clothing texture and the feeling of wanting to tear your own skin off. Yeah probably just stays shirtless most of the time. Maybe with a blanket draped over his shoulders like a cape if he gets cold.

~He would probably pick at his skin or nails a lot. Best solution to this? Chopper :3 Can’t be picking at your skin if you are cuddling and petting a small fluffy reindeer

~Also Luffy would 100% call stimming by some funny name, like happy flaps and would probably mimic what Zoro does (not in a mean way, I don’t know how to exactly put it)

~He absolutely has a favorite story that Usopp tells and would ask for that exact story to be told to him whenever he’s small

[goodlucktai]

where nothing hurts and nothing breaks

one piece word count: 3k written for the its pirates server sake exchange ! my other giftee was @incomprehensi-bull who asked for zoro and sanji interaction. sal i really hope you enjoy this <;3 title borrowed from safe by banners

read on ao3

x

“Remember,” the pretty girl with tangerine-colored hair says for the fifth time, her smile a fixed, gritted thing on her face, “Sanji is very small right now. The Devil’s Fruit effect isn’t going to wear off for another week at least. If you try to roughhouse with him the way you usually do, he will get hurt, and I will kill you with my hands. Understood?”

“You could try,” the green-haired man replies mildly. 

“Why are we leaving Zoro in charge of babysitting again?” the man with the long nose says, to no one in particular. “I mean, we can all agree that this is going to be an absolute disaster, right?”

Zoro scowls, but the skeleton says, “Right,” at the same time the man with the long white hair and bright orange horns says, “I mean, yeah,” and everyone else nods along. 

Yonji would have been furious to be made fun of in any capacity. Sanji holds his breath and waits for Zoro to snap at the rest of them, to use his size against everyone smaller than he is, but all he does is lean back against the railing and cross his arms. He looks unbothered to the point of falling asleep standing up.

It’s weird. 

“I’m not a baby,” Sanji thinks it’s important to point out. He’s eight years old, which is a lot of years. He thinks his years are longer than most people’s, because he hasn’t felt like the little kid he used to be in ages. That little kid grew up when mama died.

“We know,” the tall woman tells him, her eyes very gentle. She always looks at Sanji like she understands him completely. It’s nice, even if it makes him feel kind of sad. He wonders if she had big brothers who hated her, too, or if it was just her dad. He thinks it wouldn’t be polite to ask, so he doesn’t. “You’re practically a gentleman.” 

“Sanji can come shopping with us if he wants!” the reindeer says eagerly. He’s sitting on the robot’s broad shoulder and pats it like he’s inviting Sanji up there, too. They’re both small enough that Sanji could probably fit even without asking the rabbit-girl on the robot’s other shoulder to get down to make room. 

Weathered yellow fills his vision as the brim of a worn straw hat slips over his eyes. 

“Nope, it’s Zoro’s turn!” the captain replies brightly. That’s Luffy, with a scar under his eye that curves like a smile, and arms that don’t really look strong but can hold Sanji forever without getting tired. Sanji tips the hat back in time to look up at Luffy’s grinning face. “He and Sanji will have fun today and tonight they can tell us all about it!” 

Everyone heaves a sigh, but no one argues. Luffy doesn’t throw his weight around like Captain Chas on The Orbit does, but he’s very stubborn in a way that reminds Sanji of the spoiled little kids on the cruise ship who get underfoot at dinner and demand dessert before all their vegetables are gone. In similar fashion, Luffy mostly gets his way because his crew loves him too much to deny him. It’s a strange sort of authority for a pirate captain to have, but it seems to work for them just fine. 

Sure enough, Zoro’s shoulders go back just a little, and he levels Luffy with one unblinking dark eye. Accepting the terms and conditions. 

Sanji tries not to be nervous. It isn’t fair to compare Zoro and Yonji just because they look similar. 

Zoro looks like the kind of person Yonji is going to grow up to be—has grown up to be, somewhere else in this strange future Sanji is living in—and he seems to enjoy scathing arguments as much as Yonji does, too. But he hasn’t hurt anyone smaller than him that Sanji has seen. 

In fact, the smallest member of the crew clambers around on Zoro like he’s a walking jungle-gym, and scolds him viciously when he doesn’t take care of himself, and looks up at him with round, bright eyes all the rest of the time. Chopper acts as though Zoro is among the very last people in the world he would ever have cause to fear. 

Sanji’s so used to being afraid that he hardly knows how else to be. The people here who call themselves his real family make it hard to be, though. He absorbs their brightness and silliness and fondness every day and slowly learns how to stop holding his breath. 

The Sunny is docked for the day at a busy, bustling resort island, with enough lights and billboards that you can see the shine of it for miles across the water. There’s a big map on the wharf, twice as tall as Franky, that notes all the places of interest—shrines up in the mountains, a sprawling sea-side spa to the west, an amusement park further inland, the bright green and yellow loops of a rollercoaster visible above everything else, and hundreds of shops and restaurants scattered all in between. 

The Strawhats—that’s who these pirates were, who Sanji himself was, apparently—split up in twos and threes where the road forked but Sanji and Zoro didn’t even make it that far, because there was a market selling produce and all kinds of fresh fish and local goodies right there in the port, and Sanji only had to cast one curious look toward a cart towering with brightly-colored fruits for Zoro to start walking that way. He clears a path for Sanji through the bustling crowd like it’s nothing. 

“If you buy more than you carry, don’t cry to me about it,” Zoro says in the same indifferent tone he says everything in. 

“I won’t!” Sanji promises, not sure if he means he won’t buy that much or he won’t cry about it. 

He was given money—real, actual Bellies—and told in no uncertain terms to come find Nami if he ran out. He doesn’t see how he could! There’s so much in the bag she gave him! 

He says as much to Zoro, half-afraid to spend it all just in case it was a mistake. Zoro replies, “Our grocery budget is half of what it usually is while our cook is on vacation. We’re eating simple.” He nudges Sanji’s head with his elbow without taking his hands out of his pockets. “We don’t usually survive off sandwiches and eggs and soup, you know.”

Sanji figured that must be true, because of how grand their ship is, and because his grown-up friends seem to have fun taking turns cooking meals but they’re just clueless enough in the kitchen that it’s obvious they don’t spend a lot of time in there.

“I can cook,” Sanji says for what feels like the hundredth time. “I can cook for all of you.”

“What part of ‘vacation’ did you miss?” Zoro tells him without missing a beat. “Shut up and look at that weird fish.”

Sanji looks before he can help it. That sure is a weird fish! He forgets to keep arguing his case in favor of darting over to ask the fishmonger a dozen rapid-fire questions about their catch that they answer cheerfully. 

Contrary to what he said before, Zoro carries all the shopping. The vendors hand the goods over Sanji’s head every time, even though he’s the one forking over the gold for it. The swordsman is very big and strong, and probably all those parcels and purchases weigh absolutely nothing to him, but it’s the principle of the thing. 

Sanji tries to imagine Yonji carrying anything for him at all just to be nice. The daydream falls apart instantly, because Yonji only ever took things from Sanji to break them. 

“Do you promise you’ll give it back?” he musters the courage to ask, clinging to the cookbook a kind old woman just sold him, unwilling to let it go without making sure. She had smiled and said she was certain her family’s recipes would be in good hands with him and Sanji doesn’t want to prove her wrong before he gets a chance to even try. “You have to promise.”

Zoro gazes down at him with that inscrutable look on his face he’s worn all day. He could probably take the book from Sanji pretty easily but he doesn’t yank it away or twist his wrist until he lets go. They just stand there, sizing each other up. Sanji’s nerves mount with every second but he doesn’t back down.

Yonji would have hurt him already and laughed about it. The first mate of the Strawhat crew simply says, after enough time that Sanji knows he’s taken it seriously, “Promise.”

Surprised, Sanji lets the book go, and watches it get tucked away in an oversized tote bag with the rest of his little treasures. Then Zoro just stands there looking at him, one eyebrow higher than the other, waiting for Sanji to go chasing after the next thing that catches his eye.

Back on the Sunny, Zoro was goaded easily into fights with his friends, and seemed short-tempered any time he wasn’t napping on the grassy deck or drinking from bottles Sanji wasn’t allowed to touch. He didn’t cause problems on purpose, the way Sanji’s younger brother enjoyed doing, but he seemed to have sharp edges and Sanji didn’t know how to get close to him without getting pricked. 

But he thinks about how Chopper looks at Zoro. He thinks about the mice in the castle that would run from his siblings but cozy up in Sanji’s hands. Animals know. And then he thinks about the way Luffy trusts Zoro, how he doesn’t have to look to know Zoro will be right where he needs him. Everyone on the crew is quick to tease him and make fun and none of them are scared. 

Zoro could have gone with Luffy and the others, but he’s spending the day with Sanji instead. He hasn’t even been mean about it. Sanji abruptly feels really bad about not handing the cookbook over right away.

“My brother has green hair,” he blurts, then stares at the cobblestones beneath his shoes in acute mortification. Why did he say that?

“I know,” the swordsman says, the last thing on earth Sanji expected him to say. “I heard all about your brothers.”

He says it like he’s not impressed by them in the slightest. It’s a weird way for someone to talk about Sanji’s brothers—they’re the best, they’re everything they were supposed to be, and Sanji is the one that went wrong. 

Abruptly, Zoro points at a bench. “Go sit. I think your blood sugar is getting low. If you pass out on me, I’ll never hear the end of it.” 

Sanji finds himself bundled onto the bench with the tote bag in his lap. Zoro set it there as if it was a paperweight that would keep Sanji from blowing off somewhere. That was kind of annoying! Sanji isn’t a baby and he isn’t gonna run off by himself, he’s not stupid. 

But the swordsman is only gone for a few minutes when Sanji’s attention is grabbed by something across the street. There’s a grizzled-looking man lounging in the shade of his stall, flicking through what looks like a waterlogged ledger. There are a bunch of crates and cages stacked around him that are empty—except for one. 

There’s a distressed bird crammed into a cage so small that it can’t move except to shuffle in place, its head ducked so that its long narrow beak doesn’t hit the bars. It’s making a harsh ticking noise, high and tight and anxious. Sanji shoves the bag off his knees and jumps to his feet, weaving through the crowd and ducking down to his hands and knees before the man behind the stall clocks him. He crawls the rest of the way to the birdcage and lifts it down from the cart into his lap. 

The bird stops vocalizing, looking up at him with darting black eyes, its chest heaving. Sanji whispers, “I know how you feel. Let me help.”

But there’s a lock on the cage, and even as Sanji tugs at it, he knows it’s useless. He’s decided to just take the cage away with him when a fist closes in the back of his jacket and he’s hauled all the way off his feet.

He yelps, flailing in midair, and only barely manages not to drop the bird. 

“The hell do you think you’re doing?” the man asks, sounding more bewildered than angry. He wrenches the cage out of Sanji’s hands and then drops him. 

Sanji lands with an oof on the street, and he automatically curls his limbs in, making himself a smaller target. If he tucks his fingers into fists and hides them under his arms, there’s less of a chance his brothers will break them just for fun. He curls his hands into fists but he doesn’t hide them. The fear is in the back of his mind, but it’s not the loudest thing in there. He’s lived on the Sunny for days now where bravery and goodness come before everything and he must have absorbed some of that, because he’s shaking under the sharp eyes of a big, unfriendly stranger, but he still says, “You should let it go.”

“What was that?”

“You’re not taking good care of it,” Sanji says, louder, “so you should let it go.”

The man’s mouth twists in an unkind sneer. “And I should just toss my Bellies into the Blue while I’m at it, eh? That’s not how it works, whelp.” 

The bird is moving around in the cage again, making that dry clicking noise again and rucking its orange and blue feathers up in its anxious bid to get free or somehow create more space. Sanji remembers being tossed behind bars, no respite and no rescue and no one left in his life who cared if he was hungry or cold or afraid. He can feel the metal helmet that encased his head as clearly as if it’s still there. He remembers crying so hard it made him lightheaded, clinging to those bars and wishing he was anything like his siblings, if only so he was strong enough to save himself.

“It’s not your bird, it’s its own bird,” Sanji shouts. “It wants out!” 

The man shifts his weight. Maybe he was going to step forward, or turn around and go back behind his stall, or maybe he wasn’t going to move at all. Sanji will never know, because at that moment a shadow falls over him, and he knows without having to look that Zoro has come back. 

“There a reason he’s on the ground?” Zoro asks. He almost sounds conversational. “Hope it’s a good one.”

The man obviously feels much differently about giving Zoro the same attitude he gave Sanji. He hesitates to answer right away, staring up at the swordsman the way that little bird probably stared up at him when he stuffed it into that stupid little cage. The way Sanji looks up at Judge and hopes for anything else besides what he knows is going to happen.

“He started helping himself to my wares,” the man settles for saying. “Maybe you ought to teach him a bit about how the world works before you let him loose on it. He’s gonna get himself into trouble running his mouth at the wrong guy.”

Sanji is waiting for the moment when he’ll have to defend himself, to make his case, but it never comes. Zoro doesn’t even ask what happened, he just plants himself like a tree in the middle of the confrontation and lets Sanji shelter safely in his shadow, as steady and immovable as the castle walls of Germa Kingdom.

“And are you the wrong guy?” Zoro says, very interested in the answer. He’s got some grilled skewers in one hand and the tote bag that Sanji abandoned in the other, but even without easy access to the swords at his hip, he is not a person anyone would want to get on the wrong side of. That grumpy sleeping dragon that lounges lazily on the deck of the Sunny is gone and the creature left behind is wide-awake and hungry.

Speaking a little faster, the man says, “Look, mate, I’m just trying to make a living here. If I gave away my beasts every time a tender-hearted little brat teared up over them, I’d be out of business.”

Zoro just says, “He’s eight years old and already more of a man than you’ll ever be. You put your hand on him, and you still have your hand. That is more good luck than most people get in a lifetime. Make it count.”

Sanji is not actually surprised when the man snatches up his ledger book and the handle of his cart, ready to make tracks. The bird is left behind, and Sanji picks himself up and hurries over to scoop the cage back into his arms. The bird makes a sound at him like something is rattling in his throat, but it sounds slightly calmer than before. 

When he looks up at Zoro, he finds Zoro already gazing back down at him. He holds out the birdcage and says, “There’s a lock. Will you help?”

“I could break it open, but it might cut itself on the metal. It’s not safe to let it out here, anyway,” Zoro says. “Let’s head back home and get Usopp to pick it open. For now carry it in one hand and eat some of these, tough guy.”

Sanji agreeably accepts a skewer of grilled squid and walks close enough to Zoro that he bumps into him every couple of steps. The bird sticks its beak through the bars and snaps at one of the curly tentacles, sneaking a bite so cleanly that Sanji laughs in sheer delight. He shares the rest of that skewer, as well as the next one Zoro passes him with pieces of tender zucchini and shrimp. 

“Didn’t know you liked birds,” he says.

“I don’t really,” Sanji says. “I just like this one. Do you know what kind it is?”

“Robin will,” Zoro replies with the unremarkable certainty in his nakama that Sanji is still in the middle of learning. “What makes this one so special?”

“We understand each other, that’s all,” Sanji says. He focuses on keeping the hungry beak away from his fingers when he adds, “I was in a cage, too.”

Zoro stops walking. Sanji doesn’t want to look up at him and see the face that he’s making, because then he won’t be able to force the truth out. And he wants to. He feels safe enough to do that now, for the first time since he woke up in this strange, bright, wonderful, silly family. He thought it would be Luffy he told, or Robin, or little Chopper, but it’s not any of them. 

It’s Zoro. The one who lets his siblings crawl all over him and poke fun and start fights, and only ever turns his teeth on any person outside their family who means them harm. The one who never steps in where he isn’t wanted, but keeps careful watch for the moment that he’s needed. Of course it’s him. 

“My brothers are mean to me,” he admits in a whisper. “Yonji likes to hurt me. I’m sorry I thought you were like him. You’re not.” 

There’s a moment of stillness, the two of them standing in an out-of-the-way corner, the noise and bustle of the market all pushed into the background. And then, without warning, for the second time that day, Sanji is lifted right off his feet. He squeaks in surprise, but he’s settled on Zoro’s shoulders a second later, and grips at his green hair to steady himself with the hand that isn’t clutching the birdcage. 

He stares, wide-eyed, out at this view he’s never been given before. 

“Next time we see your brother, I’ll beat him up,” Zoro says without preamble. “I won’t stop until you’re satisfied. And that’s a promise.” 

Sanji hugs the bird closer, and breathes in a deep lungful of air that tastes like salt and brine and certain freedom. He can see the ocean from here, and their colorful ship bobbing on the water, waiting for them no matter how far away they wander. 

“But you’re on your own with Nami when she sees that bird,” the swordsman adds plainly. 

Sanji holds the little bird a little closer and smiles. He understands his nakama much better now than he did even earlier this morning. Zoro might say one thing, but he really means another. Sanji is not on his own at all. Maybe he hasn’t been on his own in a long time. 

(A week later, with the Devil's Fruit effects finally negated, Sanji is searing scallops in the kitchen, following one of the recipes in his new cookbook, and Zoro is day-drinking at the table, and Stella the common kingfisher is sticking her nosy beak into spice jars where it doesn't belong.

Sanji says, “I’m releasing you from your promise.” When Zoro glances at him, he adds, “You don’t have to beat up my brother. I’m more than capable of doing that myself.”

For a moment, the swordsman doesn’t speak. He and Luffy can have entire conversations in a few seconds of absolute silence, but Sanji is not quite there yet. He waits with newfound patience for Zoro to come to whatever decision he’s making, rewarded when Zoro says, “No, I’m going to. I have it on good authority that he was mean to a friend of mine.”

Sanji scoffs and looks away, busying himself with the food, so that no one sees his helpless smile except for the obnoxious little bird that his present friend harangued Nami into letting him keep.)

[thisbelongsto-nohbodys]

[Christmas morning in the Sashannarcy household. Kid Lily rushes into the Trio’s room and jumps into the bed…onto Sasha’s belly]

Lily: Mommy! I saw Santa last night!

Sasha: Ughhh, um, yeah?

Lily: Yeah! Turns out Santa is a cat tho’ which is weird. Guess that explains the milk but do cats eat cookies? And what about the reindeer? Does Santa Cat use them or different animals? Why are most Santa’s humans if he’s really a cat?——

Sasha: Hey, Lily-Pad, how about you give us a few minutes to wake up and you go get your little brother and sister up and ready for the day before we open presents. Okay?

Lily: Okay!!

[Lily dashes out of the room. Sasha lays back.]

Sasha: Anne.

Anne: Hmmmm?

Sasha: Is this why you’ve been holding off on putting that Santa cat outfit on Domino 4 ever since the kids were born? For this exact moment?

Anne: Mmmmmm, maybe, hehehe.

Marcy: We also have an elf cat costume for Grime Jr.

Sasha:……………

Sasha: I love both of you. Merry Christmas. (I want to see my elf cat baby boy)

Marcanne: Merry Christmas

[jessysapphireblue]

He is your WHAT?! Luffy x Oc

Nicknames include Lu and Je but nothing else. A female magician you can use with your name, since nothing else is mentioned. ALSO! A dragon comes in as her familiar with the name Soma. Also post wano

The Land of Wano was now two days behind you and everyone was quite happy with some calm and relaxing days. You kept your boyfriend busy with large bubbles, similar to the ones at Sabaody, Usopp and Chopper joining in.

You left them to rest next to Zoro, who was napping against the railing. You head slightly bend behindto stretch yourself as you felt a presence under water, which quickly came near. "Zoro, you feel that?", you asked the swordsman who stood up. "Yes. And it's something big", he added as a big shake came over the sunny. "What was that?!", shouted Franky as Jinbe steadied the sunny.

Water rose directly by Zoro and you, making Chopper and Usopp scream, hugging each other. Sanji also came out to look what the commotion is about, as the ship went deadly silent.

"DRAGON!!!!", everybody screamed as a big dragon stood there, shining in prismatic colors as the sun Hit it, and in its mouth was a dead sea King. "SANJI! FOOD!!! DRAGON MEAT!", Luffy shouted exited and Zoro smirked evily. "Never had the chance for it", said Sanji as you stood in front of the dragon. "If anyone of you Hit Soma, I will never speak to you again", you said quite serious.

"...Soma?", all asked. "Why, yes. This is Soma. He's my...pet" "PET?!!! THIS THING?!", Usopp shouted. "He's bigger than Kaido", admitted Zoro. Soma dropped the Sea King into the water and lowered his snout to you, as you pet him.

"Yes, hello my Baby. All ok?", you smiled softly at him. "Baby?! This Monster is nowhere near a Baby!!!", screeched Nami. "He's only two, Nami...and he got us the Sea King as a gift" "SEA KIND MEAT!!!! SANJI!!!" "Yeah yeah..." "He looks so cute. And he's bigger than the ones at Punk Hazard", admitted Robin, who now, joined your side. "Oh, you can Touch him if you want. He's...dolcile", you chuckled and Robin indeed touched him. "YOHOHOHOHO!!! I never thought a dragon could be this tame" "SUPER DRAGON!!!", Franky posed as Chopper came forth. "...why is he calling you Mama?", the cute reindeer looked at you. "Ahahaha...ehm. I met Soma when he was just a couple of months old and we directly clicked"

"Has anyone seen Luffy?", asked Jinbe as "FLY! FLY SOMA FLY!!! INTO THE SKY!!!", Luffy was already on his back, laughing. "Je, join!!!", he beamed before stretching his arms all around you, Pulling you into the dragon. "Soma, a quick round", you said and he sproud his wings. The sunny looks so small compared to them and with one heavy flap, he zoomed high up, past the clouds, your boyfriend cheering. "And?!", you shouted. "Je, this is amazing! You also, Soma!!" A loud growl came from Soma, making your evey widen. "Lu, hold on tight!", you said and in the next second, your dragon dived down at full speed.

The only Sound you heard was your exiting boyfriend before Soma stopped directly over the water, showing the reflextion, his claws gliding over the water, as he came to an halt by the sunny. "Wohooo!!! Amazing!" "Lu, your hair!", you began to laugh loudly at his wild wind-blown hair.

Back on the Sunny, you moved your Finger as Soma shrinked, perfect to the size to lay comfy around your neck. "You can shrink him?", asked Jinbe. "Because he's my familiar", you hummed, scratching his shimmering scales. "Fa-wha?", Lu poked his snout. "Familiar. We made a...soul bond. When I die, so does he, when I'm hurt he also gets hurt, and so on. I can also understand him", you admitted. "So, what kind of dragon is he?", asked Sanji and came closer to inspect him. "A spectal dragon. When light shines on him, he's like a prism. When he gets older, his flame will get the same color, and if what I read is correct...let me say it like this! Onigashima be melting down", you laughed.

"Where were you?! You could've helped us so much!"whined Usopp. "I'd only call him if the Situation would be live-threaten, Usopp...beides...He would swoop in just like that" "And what does he eat?" Asked franky. "Meat, fish, berries...everything raw. But mostly big animals...like the sea Kings and Dinosaurs" "Oh god" "Ah, no worry Sanji! Soma gets his food alone" "Je, you are incredible!" Lu hugged you close, kissing you. "Soma, you too! We're gonna have so much fun together!!!"

"Oh, no doubt about that", you laughed and saw how Soma sat himself on your boyfriends' straw hat before they talked, walking away

A picture compared to the sunny and soma 😁