#yeah ok basically. yeah! this is coherent wow 10/10

[fagofgod]

ik that people miss ambrosius' graphic novel design or whatever and its like whatever but uhhhhhhhh. um. uh.

[welcometowcwmondaynitro]

WCW Monday Nitro 09/09/1996

Shit be exploding, so you know what time it is.

Yes sir.

Once again we are not given a location this week, which generally means the town is too small-time for the big shots at WCW to even consider giving a shout out to. My research tells me this broadcast comes from the Columbus Civic Centre in Columbus, Georgia.  

As always we are introduced to our first hour announce team, Schiavone and Zbyszko.

Tony is looking quite smart this evening. Larry as expected has a horrific multcoloured abomination on underneath his jacket. It’s basically his gimmick a this point so whatever. 

They talk about how the balance of power has shifted to the nWo and Larry says Giant is “the biggest traitor since Benedict Arnold”, nice ancient reference there, Larry. We get a recap of last week’s awesome show-ending brawl. 

Once they’re done wrapping this up, Goldberg’s music plays. What? I check my file - yes, definitely 9th September 1996. Has Goldberg time travelled back to 1996 and changed history by debuting early?

Well, either that is one hell of a disguise or no, actually Goldberg’s theme music was first used by this Japanese guy called Pat Tanaka. It’s really weird seeing this random fella walk out to Goldberg’s music. The crowd boo mildly - I guess just because he’s Japanese? I don’t remember there being any storyline reason to boo him, anyway. 

Pat’s opponent is... this.

Looks like a mascot from a early/mid-90s video game brought to life. If this is Super Calo then I am curious as to what regular Calo is like. I am unsure as to what makes this version ‘Super’, but maybe we’ll find out in the upcoming match. Mike Tenay joins the announce crew because it is Calo’s debut and Tenay is the only one likely to know anything about him.

Pat Tanaka vs Super Calo

I was kind of hoping Tanaka would start the match with a spear and then jackhammer Calo into oblivion, but no such luck. 

As one would anticipate from a man dressed like a stereotypical kung-fu master in an 80s movie, Tanaka starts the match off with some kicks.

Calo jumps around pointlessly and then gets kicked in the face. Bants.

Tenay tells us Calo’s name and look comes from the “top rap group” in Mexico. He does not name this group. Confusingly wikipedia claims Calo is named after a Mexican rock group with the same name, but his image is meant to convey a rapper. So, just... what? Also what rapper has ever looked like Super Calo? In Mexico is that how rappers dress? 

Well anyway this odd fellow somersaults over the ropes onto Tanaka outside of the ring. 

The screen then cuts to this.

 Then we’re back to the match. OK then. 

Tanaka hits Calo with a powerbomb, which leads to Tony talking about him being “so schooled in the martial arts”. Yes, because we all know that classic martial arts move the powerbomb. Often followed by a leg drop and a scorpion deathlock. 

The ending to this match is beyond ridiculous. 

First, Tanaka puts Calo onto the top turnbuckle.

Neither man seems to know what is meant to happen next, so they awkwardly wrap their arms around each other.

Tanaka then lifts Calo up like he’s going for an inverse piledriver and falls backwards.

Apparently he knocks himself out, gets pinned, and loses.

What an idiot.

Super Calo defeats Pat Tanaka via Pinfall.

Nothing too super about our friend Calo in this one I’m afraid. His victory came largely because Tanaka is a super dunce.

We got some lads in the front row who are big fans of the classic moustache.

They seem quite pleased that Calo emerged victorious.

Just under seven minutes in and we throw back to Mean Gene in the locker room with Rick Steiner. This should be good.

Shirts hanging out of the lockers behind them, as you do. 

Gene asks Rick Steiner about Nick Patrick’s questionable officiating - referring to the incident last week where Luger was disqualified in seconds for basically nothing. Rick says that he had Luger, and Gene saw it. Total bullshit as the match had barely started, and Gene does point that out. 

Luger walks into the frame as we see last week’s replay. Rick is continually going on about how he was going to win, sounding like a mentally challenged three year old. On the other hand this is a guy who also genuinely thinks he’s a dog, so... I should probably be impressed that he is able to form words and put them into a somewhat coherent structure.

Gene says that Steiner is “a little confused” in the understatement of the century, 

Luger tells Rick that he’s “a great tag team wrestler” but he feels like he has the edge in a singles environment. Rick continues to fail to understand basic english and keeps repeating “I can beat you, ask Sting” and then starts calling for Sting.

Gene then ushers Rick away like an unruly child as Luger walks off as well. Gene says that Luger was alluding that Rick “doesn’t have it upstairs”, pointing to his head. Wow, what a dick. Luger didn’t say anything like that. All he implied was that he was a better singles wrestler than Rick. Not sure where Gene has gotten his interpretation from, but my guess is he just wants to stir the pot as usual.

Next it’s nWo announcement time.

Just the usual t-shirt ad with Nash saying “all proceeds go towards the Ric Flair retirement fund”. Joke’s on him, that fund must have accrued some serious cash before it was finally paid out.

We’re back and...

Somebody buy these poor kids some real nWo t-shirts. 

Where did these people come from? Did they decide to stop by Nitro after a corporate dinner or something? 

Are these pilots in the audience as well? Wtf? Why are all these people coming to the show dressed in their work clothes? Is this a common thing in the States?

Oh, hey, guess what - Glacier debuted. I would say “remember all that hype” but if you’ve been reading this sad collection of nostalgic drivel then you will indeed remember the many Glacier adverts that have been on every Nitro broadcast since May or so. We’re now in September and Glacier finally had his first match... on WCW Pro.

Seriously.

WCW Pro is like... Sunday Night Heat or Velocity in WWE terms. It’s below WCW Saturday Night for fuck’s sake.  Tony calls it “one of the most eagerly anticipated debuts ever” - which is why he made his first appearance on WCW FUCKING PRO. Oh WCW, what are you like?

Larry says Glacier will be “a force to be reckoned with”, which, spoiler alert. turns out to be the opposite.

  Oh good, these two walking charisma vacuums.

And these two lumbering idiots. WCW, the best wrestling on the planet. How could WWF in 1996 find no way to entice people away from Pat Tanaka vs Super Calo and The AFC vs the Nasty Boys? Seriously. It isn’t that difficult. 

The AFC do their usual schtick of singing the Canadian national anthem badly and the crowd get angry because ‘Murica fuck yeah and whatever. The Nasty Boys say “fuck this” and attack the AFC after about 10 seconds of this bullshit, getting the match started.

The Amazing French Canadians Vs The Nasty Boys

You don’t care about this match. I don’t care about this match. Let’s just skip to the end.

Knobbs whacks the eyepatch guy with the flag the AFC brought out. Saggs pins for the win. 

The Nasty Boys defeat The Amazing French Canadians via Pinfall.

Mean Gene comes scurrying out to interview the Nastys, for some reason.

Saggs says everybody has been pointing the finger at the Nasty Boys, accusing them of being with the nWo (can’t imagine anybody really cares but OK, sure). Saggs says the Nasty’s are only worried about the tag titles which are in WCW, ergo they aren’t interested in joining the nWo. Does he not realise that faction affiliation is irrelevent as far as challenging for belts is concerned? I mean, Hogan is literally WCW Heavyweight champion at this point in time. 

Knobbs says that the Nasty’s don’t care about the nWo, they’re in WCW and they’re coming for Harlem Heat to take the tag team titles. Short and to the point, which is fine by me, even if the Nasty’s appear to be under the mistaken impression- that joining the nWo would invalidate them from challenging for the tag titles. 

We’re back from a commercial break to find Scott Norton and Sgt Craig Pittman in the ring.

Sgt Craig Pittman Vs Scott Norton

The commentators bill this as a “hold versus hold” match and I’m not sure what this means, as I was under the impression every match is hold versus hold. But whatever. 

After some back and forth Pittman decides that it’s time to ram his head into Norton’s sternum. 

It looks pretty painful and not especially effective, but Pittman enjoys it so much he does it again. 

They head to the outside of the ring. Norton gets whipped against the guardrail, the entirety of which moves upon impact, but then Norton regains control by slamming Pittman’s shoulder into the ring post. 

Norton locks in the armbar but the Sarge will not give up. Long gets onto the ring apron to beg Pittman to give in, but he won’t. WCW, for reasons beyond my understanding, is very careful about protecting Sgt. Craig Pittman. He never gets pushed, as far as I remember, but this man WILL NOT QUIT.

Then... 

Ice Train wanders out wearing this abomination. Seriously - what the fuck? It’s like a demin vest with a backpack built in. It’s something you would expect to see an eight-year old girl in the mid-90s wearing over the top of a t-shirt or something. What clothing brand figured that this design was suitable for huge, beefy dudes? I don’t know, but they clearly have a customer in Ice Train.

Train throws in the towel for Pittman.  

Scott Norton defeats Sgt. Craig Pittman via Forfeit. 

He enters the ring and stares down at Norton, who is looking at Train’s vest top and moobs like “dafuq?”

The two former amigos have a staredown which doesn’t lead anywhere. 

Pepboys Power Pin of the Week is a submission. Go figure.

We head to the locker room where Gene-o is with Ric Flair, Arn Anderson and Lex Luger.

Three of these men are dressed appropriately. The other is Lex Luger.

Apparently Sting is supposed to be a part of this interview as well but is nowhere to be found. Luger assures Flair & Arn that Sting is in the building, but the Horsemen are having none of it and are concerned that Sting doesn’t have his head in the game. Flair starts going crazy and practically flings himself into an alternate dimension with his erratic movements.

Like a jet propeller is being put directly in front of his face.

Anyway eventually these two sad sacks come lumbering in...

Mongo looks like he’s about to explode, whilst Benoit as usual appears barely awake. Mongo yells about not being able to count on Luger and Sting. Luger reiterates that Sting is in the building somewhere, he’s just not around for the interview. The Horsemen do seem overly paranoid here - how hard would it be to track Sting down and talk to him if they are this pissed off? 

Arn says he’s called ahead to Winston, Salem (where Fall Brawl/War Games is being held) to pre-book himself a hospital room as he assumes he’s going to need one. Seems like a somewhat pessimistic thing to do, but is it even possible to pre-book hospital room? Arn is talking like he’s booked a hotel room for the night. Strange lad. He also suggests Hogan uses battery acid to burn out his eyes which... I mean, don’t give the guy ideas, Arn.  

Interview ends with everybody talking over each other and Flair wooing a lot - so, the same as most Horsemen interviews.

People in the crowd are holding these signs which say “nWo - you haven’t seen bad... but it’s coming!” - indeed, Hogan Vs Piper is coming.

We get a recap of this thrilling DDP/Eddie/Chavo storyline which nobody cares about, but why this is recapped is beyond me as the next match has nothing to do with any of those three. 

Instead, out comes “the desparado” himself, Joe Gomez.

Somebody throws a wad of paper at him as he enters. Obviously not a fan.

His opponent is Juventud Guerrera,  who Tony repeatedly refers to as Juventud Guerrero. 

As Juvi enters he runs past these ladies, who appear both baffled and unimpressed with him.

Cold.

Joe Gomez Vs Juventud Guerrera

The match starts off okay, but descends into disaster fairly quickly as Juvi starts trying various lucha things which poor Joe is clearly not comfortable with. First Juvi stands on the apron, jumps onto the ropes as Gomez slowly walks towards him and does this...

It’s clear from this angle alone that there is no way in hell Juvi is going to reach Gomez. In fairness to WCW they switch camera angle just in time to make it look slightly less terrible, although I imagine it was more down to luck than skill. Nonetheless Gomez at least tries to sell the move, falling backwards theatrically.

Weeee! Points for effort if not execution. 

This happens next, and thanks to Uproxx “Best and Worst of WCW Monday Nitro” series (check it out, it’s great) I have a GIF to put into pictures what I would struggle to put into words.

Speaks for itself.

After this Juvi seems to want to go for a hurricanrana from the top turnbuckle but I‘m not sure if they botch this as well or it was the plan, but Juvi ends up backflipping away from the turnbuckle and then catching Gomez with a weak looking dropkick as he jumps towards Juvi.

Juvi just about manages to hit the finishing move...

But even that looks a little bit dodgy. At least Joe just had to lay there for this one. Ref counts to three and mercifully this one is over. Not sure if Gomez or Juvi are to blame for this shitshow, but either way I advise never putting them together again.

Juventud Guerrera defeats Joe Gomez via Pinfall.

For some reason Mean Gene is on the ramp to interview Nick Patrick. Oh good, more of this storyline.

Before they start the interview though, as Juventud walks past Gene and Patrick, Gene says “very good match there on the part of Juventud Guerrera”, then gives Juvi a disdainful look and mutters “guy just kind of... wanders around here”. LOL. Why is Gene throwing shade at poor Juvi? “Guy just wanders around here”, like he’s a lost child or something. I guess Gene is still salty about the interview with Juvi that went wrong a couple of weeks ago, but come on, that was hardly Juvi’s fault. Obvious Gene is still holding a grudge though. 

I don’t think anybody really wants to hear from these two ballbags but here we are anyway. 

Gene is accusing Patrick of making too many controversial calls for it to just be coincidence, whilst Patrick is accusing Gene of being a shit-stirring cock cheese who needs to get a life. Neither are lying but nobody really cares either. What is funny is that Okerlund is very haughty and dismissive of Patrick - until Patrick threatens to take Gene to court - at which point Gene stutters “well I-I hope that doesn’t happen” before saying “thank you very much Nick Patrick, sir, thank you” to Patrick as he walks off. Pathetic. 

Meanwhile Hogan, Hall, Nash and the Giant are outside in the pouring rain putting those nWo flyers with the “you haven’t seen bad... but it’s coming” slogan on random cars. This seems like a total waste of time as by the time the car owners get back to their vehicles the rain would probably have destroyed those flyers anyway.  Do these guys really have nothing better to do? Tony tells us the nWo are “literally” in the parking lot - as opposed to what, being there in spirit?

Ted DiBiase is the smartest of the lot as he 1) has an umbrella and 2) isn’t wasting his time putting up useless flyers in the pouring rain. He’s talking to somebody in the car, and the announcers are shitting themselves as to who it might be, as they tend to do. For all they know DiBiase might just be talking to the driver. 

“HERE’S A STORY OF TWO BROTHERS, RICK AND SCOTT!”

Just Rick tonight. He comes out doing that sad half-bark he does whenever something is troubling him. 

His opponent, of course, is Flexy Lexy.

Rick Steiner Vs Lex Luger

These two are not exactly known as ‘ring generals’ so I am not expecting a classic here. Let’s see, though. Perhaps we will all be pleasantly surprised. 

After various arm drags, headlocks, shoulder blocks, and so on, this happens.

Uh...

Yeah. Rick is basically molesting Luger in the ring and keeps this up for a disturbing amount of time. I guess it’s meant to show his amateur wrestling background but it basically just looks like sexual assault. Rick’s hands are going to places they really should not. 

Hour two begins with the usual fireworks. Bischoff, Heenan and Tenay come in on commentary for the rest of the show. 

Rick hits Luger with a nice powerslam, and Randy Anderson cannot bear to watch the impact. The crowd bark their approval which, personally, I don’t think is helpful. Rick’s clinical lycanthropy is only going to get worse if people bark at him when he does something good. Or bark at him in general, really.

More cuddling. Back away, Rick. Even Randy Anderson is telling him to cut it out at this point.

Luger takes control with a powerslam and signals for the rack. However, before he can attempt his finishing move...

This dicksplash comes running out waving his arms around. Looks like he’s doing the sieg heil there but fairly sure it’s just the timing of the screenshot.

Anyhow, Patrick tells Luger to follow him out the back, yelling something about the nWo beating up Sting.

Considering Patrick’s recent behaviour, Lex, it might not be wise to...

OK. Never mind. Of course Luger goes running after Patrick, abandoning the match entirely and getting himself counted out. 

Everyone looking towards the entrance way like “where’s he going?” 

Rick Steiner defeats Lex Luger via Countout.

We get a shot of DiBiase talking to the mystery man in the limo. Sting’s voice is heard but it is blatantly piped in from some other promo. He says he’s “tired of the DTA stuff, don’t trust anybody”, so I guess he’s not a fan of Stone Cold Steve Austin. DiBiase pretends to talk to the pre-taped Sting voice until Lex shows up.

A guy who is clearly not Sting gets out of the limo and starts beating up Luger whilst Bischoff screams “NO! NO!”

I have the advantage of hindsight and my monitor is probably bigger than most people’s TVs back in 1996... but still, it’s really obviously not Sting. Were people genuinely fooled by this? 

The nWo along with “Sting” beat Luger down and leave him laying in a broken heap in the rain...

It has not been a good night for Luger. First he got yelled at by the Horsemen, then he spent ten minutes getting inappropriately touched by Rick Steiner during their match, then he gets smacked around by the nWo and left on the ground in the pouring rain. Bad times for sure. Although if you’re stupid enough to follow Nick Patrick anywhere... 

Luger does manage to get back up but ends up just kind of wandering around in the rain looking confused whilst the nWo flee, leaving the limos parked outside the building.

These bois are not impressed by what they have just seen. Tenay looks like a dad who is about to grab his belt and put a whippin’ on somebody. Bischoff is indignant. Heenan wears the expression of a man who was just forced to sit through every Raw from 2015. Pure torture. 

Bischoff says he has an update which is literally “we don’t know where [the nWo] are. I’m sorry. I don’t know”. Well thanks for that. Very helpful. 

We get a long recap of last week’s angle including more footage of the amazing all-out brawl that ended the show. Then we get another nWo advert for their t-shirt. 

A bunch of random jobbers are outside with Luger and Rick Steiner milling around the limo yelling out “DIBIASE!” - as if he’ll just pop up and be like “sup bois?” - pointless endeavour. Rick Steiner is the only one smart enough to bring an umbrella outside. Let that one sink in. Luger chucks a bunch of stuff out of one of the limos onto the floor which seems unnecessary. 

Out comes pre-Flock Billy Kidman. The commentators could not care less, just droning on about Sting’s supposed “defection”. 

The other combatant in this contest is Cruiserweight champion Rey Mysterio Jr.

Rey Mysterio Jr Vs Billy Kidman

The announcers spend the entire match in ‘sad voice’, like their dogs have all collectively died. It’s really annoying.

The match spills to the outside very quickly. Rey gets the advantage and rolls Kidman back in. He attempts to jump off the ropes from the apron, but Kidman knows what’s coming and meets Rey with a dropkick to the chest.

Kidman slams Rey in the centre of the ring, runs over to the turnbuckle and leaps off.

Just a two count though. Rey wins the match soon after this by flipping off the ropes onto Kidman.

It looks weak but whatever. This wasn’t anything special.

Rey Mysterio defeats Billy Kidman via Pinfall.

We come back from a commercial and the Dungeon’s of Doom’s “music” is playing, and I put that in inverted commas because it isn’t really music, just a pseudo-creepy OTT villainous laugh accompanied by some kind of chant. Whatever. Normally any sign of the Dungeon is enough to make me want to hang my head in despair, however!

If Meng is involved, it might be somewhat entertaining. Just to note those aren’t two random arms sprouting out of Meng’s shoulders – the Barbarian is behind him.

The announcers are still going on about how tragic Sting’s supposed betrayal is – and Bischoff apologises for “not giving Rey Mysterio the attention he deserves in his match”. I mean, kind of tough to take that apology seriously considering how often this has happened and will continue to happen until Nitro goes out of existence. It is the only time I can recall any commentator in WCW actually apologising for the routine ignoring of the cruiserweights in favour of talking about/complaining about the nWo, though.

These two are the opponents. Yeah, Public Enemy, they definitely deserve that pyro. Sure. Look at them waving their hands in the air like they just don’t care.

By the way, the commentators are still going on about Sting. I wonder if we’ll get another apology for ignoring this match as well? Not that I’d necessarily blame them here.

Some diehard wrestling fans here. I think we saw them previously – seemingly someone in production has taken a liking to these ladies. They look like they got lost on their way to a PTA meeting, but fuck it, might as well enjoy themselves now. Watch out for the dude behind you though, ladies. That smile worries me a little.

The Faces of Fear Vs Public Enemy

We go to a commercial break, and as soon as we come back Bischoff says “I hate to keep repeating this, but apparently Sting has joined forces with the nWo”. Bullshit, if you hated it that much you’d have shut up about it by now. I mean, jeez, we get it.

This contest is just a brawl, as you’d expect. Not exactly a match for the ages, but all of a sudden, randomly…

This dude on the left appears and begins running/skipping around the ring.

The fuck? It’s like Rockstar Spud’s demented uncle or something. 

He briefly chases Jimmy Hart, then just… vanishes? Oh, and by the way, the commentators make no mention of this. They do not acknowledge this at all. Why? Because they’re talking about everything except the match itself. Literally, I’m not kidding, it’s like this match is not happening. It’s like listening to a radio show or a podcast spliced together with unrelated WCW footage.

Wait, what? What’s happening now? The match is ongoing and they just cut to the back. Judging from the faces of these lads you’d think someone died. It’s a sombre scene to say the least – but seriously, why even have the match in the ring? What’s the point? The commentators are acting like it isn’t happening and we cut to an interview as the match is happening. Bischoff doesn’t even note that we’ve cut away from a match in progress, he just says “take it away Gene”, like this is totally normal. Whatever, I guess. It’s not like I’m desperate to see the Faces of Fear versus Public Enemy, but what a bizarre way to structure… everything.

Gene asks Arn to explain what happened in the parking lot earlier. Seemed quite self-explanatory to me and the commentators have not stopped talking about it since it happened, so the viewers really don’t need any extra information.  

Arn says he doesn’t give a shit about Luger losing a friend, or that he’s lost a team mate, he’s just shocked. He brings up Sting’s loyalty to WCW.

They actually move to a split-screen here – I guess someone in the production truck remembered there is actually a match going on. It wouldn’t be fair to deprive the dozens of Faces of Fear/Public Enemy fans the chance to see their favourite grapplers go at it.

Anyway, Arn says he has a sick feeling in his stomach, he’s shocked, and he’s out of words. He’s said quite a few already, though, so not really.

Flair stands there with his arms folded, eyeing the audience like a disappointed father.

Luger says he doesn’t have any answers, and that his “best friend in the whole world” stabbed him in the back. He then says he knows where Sting lives and where he works out, and he’s going to go and find him “right now”. Sounds like Lex is planning to murk Sting. However, he should keep in mind this is a guy who only last week tried to murder somebody by chucking a rock through the window of a limo, then stole a police car. Come to think of it, I’m not sure why Sting isn’t in jail. Regardless, I wouldn’t be chasing after him without a good plan.

Flair screams that he’s “sick of it” and just generally yells about how they’re going to beat up the nWo at War Games (including Sting). Arn says “it’s a fight to the death – yours, not ours”. I suppose that was worth emphasising? Also Arn has a tendency to see these matches as ending in death, even though it never comes close to that.

We return to the Faces of Fear/Public Enemy match. By “we” I mean the audience – the commentators are still talking about War Games. I genuinely don’t think they have said anything about the match – oh, wait a minute, Bischoff does mention the match, finally. Although he says the teams are “literally fighting for their lives” which is not exactly accurate. What is up with these people thinking matches are going to end so tragically?

Anyway, the brawling continues for a while and eventually, somehow, Rocco Rock ends up lying on a table. Barbarian heads for the top turnbuckle.

Guys, I don’t foresee this ending well. Seriously, what is the absolute best result of this? Rocco (who can clearly see Barbarian on the turnbuckle) for some reason lays there and lets Barbarian jump on him. It’ll be brutal for both. Or, Rocco moves and Barbarian crashes through the table. Either way Barbarian doesn’t win in this scenario.

Uh oh. Jimmy Hart is absolutely useless at holding Rocco down, kicked away like an insect as Rocco sits up.

That is a fucking sick bump. It’s funny because Barbarian barely takes any serious bumps at all, on Nitro at least, then he decides to say fuck it and leaps to the concrete through a table because YOLO I guess?

Well anyway he dead. Rocco brings a second table into the ring.

Looks pretty old. Nick Patrick wags his finger in disapproval, but incredibly that isn’t enough to persuade Public Enemy to stop. They lay Meng on the table, then Rocco goes to the top turnbuckle for a moonsault…

He almost misses the table entirely, only catching Meng with his legs. The table is weak enough that it breaks despite the soft contact.

You’d think that would be the spot that ends the match, but no. Meng gets up like nothing happened and starts brawling with Rocco again. Barbarian is also somehow revived and back in the ring fighting with Grunge. This is weird because the outside table spot with Barbarian getting wiped out, and then Meng getting put through the table by Rocco’s moonsault, felt like the end sequence of the match. Now it’s like we’re back at the start again. Keep in mind the match has been going for about 10 minutes now. That’s at least 7 minutes longer than is ideal for these teams, really.

Whilst Rocco and Barbarian are hugging it out in the corner, Meng puts the Tongan Death Grip on Grunge and now this one is over.

No explanation as to what the fuck was going on with that random ginger guy running around the ring earlier by the way. Oh well. During the replay Heenan accidentally calls Meng “Haku” and then goes silent immediately. Oops.

The Faces of Fear defeat Public Enemy via Pinfall.

Suddenly Okerlund appears at ringside, accompanied by the Dungeon of Doom.

Maxx, Jimmy Hart, Big Bubba, Gene, Kevin Sullivan, Hugh Morrus and Konnan. To quote Rufus from Final Fantasy 7 – “what a crew”.

Sullivan is no longer painting his face with those stupid markings, but for some reason is now wearing a white headband. Does he think he’s the Karate Kid now?

He also starts making this derp face - and this isn’t just a screen grab catching an awkward expression momentarily, he’s making this face on purpose.

For some reason we go to Jimmy Hart first, who tells the Giant “it’s the beginning of the end for you, you just don’t know it yet”. I’m sure he’s quaking in his boots.  

Big Bubba then rants about Glacier, talking about him saying he’s coming for “6 or 7 months” and asking if he’s not debuting because he’s afraid. Slight exaggeration on the 6 or 7 months from Bubba, but to be fair it does feel like those vignettes have been running for at least that long. Bubba actually doesn’t seem to be aware that Glacier debuted on WCW Pro, but it’s WCW Pro, so... understandable. Bubba calls the Dungeon of Doom “the masters of intimidation”…

What he means is that Meng is the master of intimidation. The others aren’t exactly adding much to the equation. Maxx is standing off to the side looking distinctly unimpressed by the entire thing.

With that said, bored does seem to be his default expression regardless of what is happening. I imagine he’d have the same expression even if Bubba was in the process of sprouting three heads whilst doing a kossack dance.

After calling Gene “homes”, Konnan calls Sullivan a “hardened veterano”. He then says Sullivan has seen and led gang wars from coast to coast.

Yes, Kevin Sullivan wearing that silly white headband is exactly what I think of when I think of leaders of gang wars. Sullivan’s ‘wut?’ expression here says it all. I’m not sure you can call the Dungeon of Doom/Alliance to End Hulkamania Versus Hogan and Macho Man a “gang war”. I’m not sure two people can even constitute a gang. Also Sullivan may be worried Konnan is unintentionally (?) implicating him in genuine gang wars… which probably isn’t in the Taskmaster’s best interests.

Konnan challenges the nWo to come out and confront the Dungeon, who he calls “the toughest set”. Yeah, sure. The challenge is not accepted, because the nWo are for sure terrified of a “gang” featuring the likes of Maxx, Kevin Sullivan, Big Bubba and Hugh Morrus.

Sullivan says that Savage thinks he’ll owe the Dungeon “a debt” for carrying him out from the ring last week. I doubt it in all honesty – maybe if they’d actually done something to help him before he’d been beaten down and spraypainted. Carrying him out after the fact didn’t really help much.

Anyhow, Sullivan says Savage can repay this fictional debt by first beating John Tenta, because why not I guess, and then by getting rid of the Giant. That doesn’t really seem like a balanced deal. We carry you backstage after you’ve been beaten up, you make it even by beating John Tenta and the Giant. Hmmm.

Time for some nWo propaganda.

Hogan tells us that they “aren’t here for a stinkin’ reason” – directly contradicting Nash and Hall, who had previously made it clear they’d come in specifically to take over WCW. He then randomly says “we’ve got our boss with us” and points to Ted DiBiase, who’s sitting in a chair behind them.

Homely. DiBiase looks like he’s being held prisoner, but whatever. Hogan says DiBiase makes Ted Turner look like a “pauper”. Honestly I could try to recap this whole thing but it’s really just a bunch of random sound bytes ripping on WCW for the most part. They talk about wanting “their own tag team tournament” for some reason. They also want a segment (on Nitro, presumably) where they can “highlight” their talent. What they actually mean is a segment highlighting Hogan, as we’ll discover going forward. Scott Hall says “nWo 4 life” with the hand sign (might be the first instance of this?) and they all end the segment laughing like it was an amazing joke.

I was a satellite dish owner back then – or rather, my parents were - but no WCW PPVs in the UK, sadly. We only got a butchered hour-long version of Nitro on TNT UK during 1996 & 1997. I didn’t find out that I’d been watching an edited version of the show until many years later. At least now I can sit back and relive the glory of the Faces of Fear Vs Public…. eh, maybe TNT UK were doing us a favour after all.

Back with your bois at the announce desk. Tenay once again has that “stern dad” look, whilst Heenan seems to be whimsically remembering something from years gone by. Take a guess as to what Bischoff is talking about?

A)     The upcoming main event

B)     Meltzer being wrong about everything

C)     Blue Chew

D)     Sting’s betrayal

If you’ve been following along thus far, you’ll know the answer. The lad does genuinely hate big Dave though, and loves that Blue Chew. Come to think of it, what is the main event? I can’t even remember. Sting’s supposed betrayal has been hammered into my brain so many fucking times at this point I can barely conceive of any other event occurring at any wrestling show.

Chris Jericho’s music plays, but…

It’s John Tenta? Still got that stupid haircut by the way. Seriously, fish man, you’ve made your point. Get that shaved.

But yeah, I’m confused here. I thought Jericho was coming out. But hold on, that’s Jericho’s second theme, “One Crazed Anarchist”, aka the Pearl Jam ripoff, not the one he’s using at this point in WCW, which I believe is the Journey ripoff. So John Tenta is in fact the OG “One Crazed Anarchist”. For the record, the theme suits Jericho far more than it suits the former Shark.

As he comes out Tenta says “Savage, you’re not putting me down”. You think so, John?

What exactly has that guy in the hat been up to? That is not the look of an innocent person.

Ohhh yeahhh, it’s the Macho Man. The commentators are pretending that the result of the match is in any doubt, which I suppose they have to do.

John “anti-fish” Tenta Vs “Macho Man” Randy Savage

Savage storms to the ring, but that turns out to be a bad idea as Tenta stomps on the Macho Man’s back as he slides in and then clobbers him with a forearm to the back.

Bad strategy, Macho. Tenta’s moobs though… whoa.

That’s an interesting choice of attire for a wrestling event, madam.

Tenta works over Savage in the corner for a bit. Savage then begins to make a comeback, before for some reason attempting to slam Tenta…

Goes about as well as you’d expect. Macho really needs to work on his strategy.

Bischoff actually specifically says here that Heenan accidentally referred to Meng as “Haku” earlier and wants to make it clear Meng now works for WCW and not the WWF. I guess they were really taking this kind of thing seriously due to the lawsuits flying around at this point in history. Funny though, as you hear these kinds of slip-ups all the time. I mean, if TNA or AEW were sued for every time a commentator accidentally used a competitor’s ex-WWE name there would need to be a legal department created specifically just to deal with the fucking volume. At least Heenan didn’t call it “WWF Nitro”.

Tenta hits Macho with a decent looking drop kick – quite impressive considering his weight. Outside of the ring Savage hits Tenta with a steel chair…

He isn’t disqualified because…? He whacks Tenta twice more with a chair. This is not a no-DQ match, but it is WCW, so fuck the rules unless we need them for storyline purposes, right?

Flying elbow drop!

Macho goes up for a second, but then Teddy Long comes to ringside yelling “Macho!” – what could the so-called “godfather” want with Savage? Also where’s my man Ice Train at? Come to think of it, I just remembered what he was wearing earlier… best for him to stay backstage.

Savage still hits the second elbow drop. Long is gesticulating wildly at Savage and yelling something about the nWo. Savage leaps over the top rope with nice agility.

But before we go any further…

Son, I am disappoint. I can’t even say “A for effort” because that is the lowest tier of effort.

Anyway, Savage follows Teddy to the outside of the arena where Teddy announces “YOU GONNA GO ONE-ON-ONE WITH THE UNDERTAKER PLAYA!”

Actually, they run towards a limo.              

The limo drives off as soon as Savage approaches it. What was the point of that?

Flair and Mongo randomly appear as the limo drives away.

There’s another limo there, but only a box of spraypaint inside it. There are a ton of WCW guys out there now – the Horsemen, the Dungeon, Public Enemy, Juvi, Super Calo, Savage… basically everyone who was on TV tonight. They start spraypainting “WCW” on the limo windows… or rather, they try to. Due to the fact it’s been raining and everywhere is wet it ends up just looking like a green smudge. As an aside, if that is in fact not an nWo limo, somebody is going to be in for a surprise.  

For some reason the commentators are all standing up. Tenay is looking more evil every time he’s on camera. It’s like he wants to reach through the camera and strangle each and every viewer.

Seriously though, he is repeatedly making a “pissed-off dad” face.

“Dad, I borrowed your car…”

“Um… and… I got a speeding ticket…”

“And there’s a dent on the front as I kinda sorta knocked over the mailbox…”

Grounded forever.

Anyway, once they all sit back down Heenan goes on a rant about the nWo which concludes with “if we don’t stop them now then they can’t be stopped”. If only you could glimpse into the future and nWo 2000, Bobby.

Oh, by the way, I guess John Tenta won the match against Savage by count out? It wasn’t announced or shown, but Savage jumped out of the ring and never returned, so…

John Tenta defeats “Macho Man” Randy Savage via Countout.

I guess Tenta was right, Savage didn’t put him down after all. Score one for the fish hating weirdo.

Double A suddenly appears on set. Heenan gives Arn his headset. Can’t help but think it’d be better for Anderson to be in the ring with a mic, as the fans in the arena can’t hear any of this… but whatever.

Arn says that the world is “in shock” and “outraged”. The world is probably a bit of a stretch, but OK. Flair turns up as Arn is talking, as do Benoit and Mongo. Arn says that this all began ten years ago with the original Horsemen, and that they paved the way and showed the nWo how to do it. Technically true. Arn says the nWo want to be the Horsemen “when they grow up”.

Tenay continuing to give that evil stare, even at Arn. Bischoff looks kind of sad.

As an aside, I may have mentioned it before, but I really like this shirt design:

Bischoff begins talking about making mistakes, but Flair interrupts him. Flair screams so loudly that the headset seems to take some damage as the volume decreases slightly. Flair explains War Games – although if you don’t know what it is by this point then what have you been doing with your life? – and says Hogan won’t leave War Games alive. Spoiler alert: he does.

Bischoff then talks about how maybe bringing Hogan in to WCW was “a mistake” and that the Horsemen “haven’t been given their just due”. The same exact sentence could have been said in 2000 and been even more relevant.

WCW then ends the show with a replay of Luger getting beaten up by “Sting” and the nWo. I’m sure he appreciates that. A good thing they reminded us, as I think a whole ten seconds passed at the end there without mention of Sting’s betrayal and my memory had started to go hazy.

[aethersea]

you know what, I never do these things, but actually I’ve decided I would like to get to know people better! I would like to partake of the mortifying ordeal! I would like to talk about myself for a bit!

ok for the next...let’s say five days I will answer any of these things that people tag me in, or any random personal questions you plop in my ask box. I don’t have an ask meme on hand but just....pick one you’ve seen recently, or make up questions of your own, and I’ll answer. (the answer might be ‘nope that’s private’ but I will answer.) (@ the anon who asked for book recs - I see you, I’ve been thinking of books all day, I’m going to give you SUCH a long answer, I hope you don’t regret your choices bc it WILL be full of gushing)

alright, let’s go!

🌻 Tag 9 people you want to get to know better

Tagged by @booksandchainmail​

Last Song: I’m currently listening to “Falcon in the Dive” from the Scarlet Pimpernel musical on loop. I watched one or two Scarlet Pimpernel movies when I was just barely too young to fully get what was going on, and the story’s held an odd but deep-seated place in my heart ever since. A few years ago I found out there’s a musical and most of the songs are pretty stellar (go listen to “Madame Guillotine” if you like big ensemble broadway numbers, it’s a banger, the bit where he cries out for God has been running through my mind on and off for a few days now haha not like that’s topical or anything), so every once in a while I spend a few days listening to them a lot.

Sometime last year I read the actual book, and got super into the whole concept of the Scarlet Pimpernel for a while. I plotted out Pimpernel aus for several fandoms, I read the entire wikipedia article, and I went looking for bootlegs of the musical. I didn’t find one, but I did find a full radioplay-style recording of the script, complete with full musical numbers, and listened to it like a podcast.

Reader, I was so disappointed. The play adds some scenes, bc a lot of the dramatic tension of the novel comes from internal conflict and that doesn’t stage super well, and the very first scene of this play – a play written in the NINETIES – features our dashing hero rescuing some aristocrats from a French prison, and then saying to the person in the next cell, who begs for rescue but is not an aristocrat, “We have enough of your kind in England.”

Enough! of your KIND! What in the merry frickety HECK my dudes!! The book has some rather unfortunate™ takes but it is from 1905, it’s regrettable but sadly to be expected. This play is from 1997. It has NO excuse. This scene wasn’t even in the book! What! the heck!

I was so disheartened that I lost my excitement for the play, and a couple songs later I stopped listening. It occurred to me just a few days ago that you could actually stage that ironically, with the person in the cell giving the audience a “can you believe this” look, and then the rest of the play could feature assorted non-aristocratic ensemble members constantly looking at the audience like they’re on The Office. And hey, maybe that’s what they did, or something similar – maybe that was never meant to be taken as a cleanly heroic stance, and the play deals with it in a complex way. It’s possible. I wouldn’t know. Kinda doubt it though, based on song lyrics.

Favorite Color: red, probably

Last Movie: I watched that new lesbian christmas movie with my family for christmas, the one with kirsten stewart and the guy from schitt’s creek. it’s very sweet and good and kinda sad, and I really enjoyed it. it also incidentally has the best gay best friend trope in probably anything ever, bc it’s not a trope (I didn’t realize until several hours after watching that it technically fits), it’s just a guy who is the protagonist’s best friend, and they’re just all gay, and then when he Gives Relationship Advice as a gay best friend always does, it’s advice about how to deal with your partner’s hangups around coming out.

actually every part of the gay best friend trope becomes better when they’re just best friends who are both gay. the big dramatic gestures (in this case, driving some ungodly distance in the snow on no notice) go from “haha how kooky” to “queer man will do anything he needs to to rescue his queer friend from an isolating & potentially triggering situation”. the relationship advice isn’t “honey you deserve some self-respect, treat yourself”, it’s a deeply sincere reminder of the vulnerability that is shared across almost everyone’s queer experience, and look I could ramble about this for a long time before reaching a coherent point but I’m INTO IT, okay? I’m into it.

Last Show: you want me to remember what show I last finished???? impossible, cannot be done, it was a long time ago and the adhd has eaten everything that happened before last week. here, instead I’ll tell you about another movie I watched, late at night with my mom in cozy companionship just a couple days ago. it’s called Quigley Down Under and it’s about a cowboy who goes to Australia and kills a bunch of racists, 10/10 would watch again. it’s from 1990 but it feels much older, with the music choices and the cinematography of a 70s Western. the cowboy is great, honorable and fearless and kind, but the breakaway star of this movie for me is the woman who attaches herself to his side and refuses to leave. her name is Cora, and she’s crazy, in the sense that she’s not altogether tethered to reality, but this never for a second diminishes her agency. she’s fierce and clever and compassionate, and she basically never does anything she doesn’t want to in the whole movie. her arc is about overcoming trauma by taking charge of her own fear and facing it head-on, she is never belittled or dismissed by the narrative or the protagonist, and look she’s just so cool. I love her. she’s so vibrantly alive. her story could probably have been handled with a bit more nuance, but honestly for the 90s it’s pretty great. I’m no expert, but I found nothing objectionable in it, just a bit of heavy-handedness.

anyway the theme of the movie is that racism is evil and racists deserve to be shot, and this too could have been handled better (not a single aboriginal character speaks a single line of english in this movie), but it follows through on that message in every way, while still being a fun kinda campy cowboy movie. overall a very good time.

Currently Watching: started showing my sister Hilda the other day, and she’s liking it! I love that show, it’s so incredibly cute. can’t wait to see season 2

Currently Reading: lmao I wish. lately the brain has firmly rejected all attempts to read anything of any length. currently pending, bc I was halfway through them when my brain stalled out, are tano’s fic What Does Kill You Can Make You Stronger, Too, a Toby Daye book - I think it was The Brightest Fell, I got like half a chapter in and haven’t picked it up in over a month, the Locked Tomb series, and probably a few other things too. ooh! also a book called Making Sex by thomas laqueur, which is my fancy academic reading that I’ve been doing in short bursts for the past year or two when I feel fancy and academic. it’s about the development of the concept of biological sex and of gender in Western society, and it’s fascinating. has among other things introduced me to the idea that until quite recently, fathers were a matter of faith. the mother? yeah, you can watch the baby pop out, we all know who the mother is. but the father? how can you know? how can you really know? we have paternity tests these days, but for all of human history up until now, we've just had to take fatherhood on faith. (not to mention we didn’t even know what fathers were contributing to the production of a fetus. clearly it was something, since you can’t get pregnant without a penis getting involved, but we have literally not known what until the past few decades. and that is wild. it has colored ALL of human history, all of our conceptions of society and family and kinship and gender, all of it, and it hadn’t even occurred to me until it was spelled out for me in this book, and it’s just......wow.

Salty, sweet or savory: for christmas my sister and I made seven different types of cookie, most of them involving chocolate somehow.

Craving: no bc I ate so many cookies. unless sleep counts. or maybe pringles, it’s been many moons since last I had a potato chip and I miss them.

Coffee or Tea: no thank you

Tagging: @coloursisee, @krchy-tuna, @sam-j-squirrel, @xzienne, @mirandatam, @viciousmaukeries, @sepulchritude, @elidyce, and @navigatorsnorth bc it’s been a while since we’ve talked, and I’m super hyped that you’re married now. v happy for you!

[alittle-annihilation]

so i found my xanga (technically the back up now on wordpress, rest in peace xanga dot com) where i blogged/journaled from freshman year of high school to freshman year of college and just

wow

i wasnt sure if it was a good idea at first, especially considering the increasing frequency of flashbacks of the past and general terribly depressed mood as of late. but i was clearly feeling nostalgic as i was on xanga and then read every single entry.

it was heartwrenching watching it play out. but it also did not hurt as bad as i thought it would. my chest is tight and throbbing and i was holding it at one point, but i did not break down into a million pieces which i was almost certain for.

no instead it was like reading an old book where you know how it plays out, the main plot points you recall but not every single detail, but to see it relayed back to me through my voice from a decade ago. a reminder of exactly what was said and done.

whats been off putting about the flashbacks was how it was filling in pieces of my lost memories. and now reading this was an even bigger filler.

you can see where the entries go from things im up to - grades and teen spats and crushes and gossip - then suddenly every post is about hell. i still feel so bad for that version of me. you can see them breaking. the realization - but I feel as if hiding it will screw me over one day, and I’ll end up fucked up pretty badly in the future - the shift into loneliness, the growth of self loathing: the crumbling. all from the back and forth we're going we're staying we're leaving we're moving we're not budging we're separated we're together we're angry we're moving back we're divorced

it also chronicles my getting kicked out of high school, which has been weighing me down lately considering national political climate. you can see just how confused i was, just how baffled, and just how bullshit their entire argument was. with the perspective now... yeah that was fucked up.

i still wish i could have told my side and defended myself. but even now i still let the opportunities pass by.

it didn't hurt to the degree i thought i would, but i don't feel much lighter having read it. it's just facts of the past now i suppose. blogging about it felt approp

god that shit was fucked up but i have come a long way in the last 10+ years, even when there are some periods that don't feel like it.

other observations:

i both fully knew and also forgot just how obsessed i was with this basic ass white dude early on. yes i am cringing

every mention of tierra goes on to talk about how non-judgemental she is, which is how every single mention of tierra goes when i journal now. some things never change, and i am continually blessed to have her in my life.

at one point i refer to "Ms. Free Prom Dress Back Stabber with a Printer showed up with an ugly ass boyfriend and even uglier free prom dress" skfdjlafjkdsaljl OK YOUNGER ME WITH THE QUIPS. but also fuck her.

once i got on tumblr i started to cross post but i also was vague blogging so my posts literally go from naming everyone and their mother to evading an actual coherent topic that present jem is only semi picking up on

i was waaaaaaaaaaay more openly cocky and self inflating when i was a teen lmao "of course i won, i'm the more liked person of the two." screaming present me could never say that aloud

[365days365movies]

January 24, 2021: Speed Racer (Epilogue)

When it came out, Speed Racer wasn’t exactly criticially acclaimed. The Rotten Tomatoes summary for the critical response is as such:

Overloaded with headache-inducing special effects, Speed Racer finds the Wachowskis focused on visual thrills at the expense of a coherent storyline.

And, I mean:

Part of that criticism is understandable, let’s be honest. But how about the rest of it? Well...

Recap

Cast and Acting

I’ll be honest, Emile Hirsch is only OK as Speed Racer. I mean, he certainly isn’t bad, but I also can’t call him an acting dynamo in this one. This probably has to do with the writing and the direction, but he was still just fine; not much more than that. Christina Ricci, John Goodman, Susan Sarandon and Matthew Fox, on the other hand, all definitely take this very seriously, and pour some serious acting chops into their roles. Even Goodman, who as one point has to seriously say the word “non-ja” - yes, really - really gives it some fatherly energy that the role demands. Color me impressed! Roger Allam, too, deserves praise for REALLY pouring on that corporate supervillain energy, like he came right out of comic books. Like I said in the recap, he really channels Tim Curry-caliber acting here, and as over-the-top as that is, it’s fun to watch! Every other actor basically plays their roles as if they’re in a live-action cartoon. Which, to be fair, they are. So, for all of that, we’re going with a 7/10. Oh, and  Paulie Litt as Spritle? That kid is goddamn annoying...which is the point. So, yeah, pretty great job to him, I guess.

Plot and Writing

Plot’s about as typical as you can get for this kind of movie. Honestly, if you were to ask me to draft a Speed Racer film script, it’d probably exactly this movie. And...yeah, that’s entirely fine, I don’t really see any issues with it. Writing is silly at times, and rarely ever profound, but again: you kind of get what you pay for. For what they were given to work with, the Wachowskis (yes, they also wrote this bad boy) did fine. 6/10?

Directing and Action

...8/10. I-I can’t believe it, either. Yeah, um, the racing scenes, the shots, all of it? It’s stellar. This might be a living cartoon, but GODDAMN do they lean into that well. Nothing else to say here, the Wachowskis were clearly the right choice here. My only complaint is that I wish this movie was ENTIRELY in CGI, to be honest. I think the movie actually suffers from being in live-action at all. THat’s why this score isn’t perfect.

Production and Art Design

This one, however, is an unabashed 10/10. Because from the cars to the raceways, and even to the CGI stuff, this film looks AMAZING. IF, that is, you know how to look at it. Gotta say, after getting used to the technicolor bombast of this movie, those visuals got much less distracting, and I was able to actually focus on them. 

Music and Editing

This is a soundtrack I would buy. My biggest complaint with some of these adapted cartoon properties is the lack of iconic music you can find in them (LOOKIN’ AT YOU, BAYFORMERS), and the score absolutely uses the original song to its advantage, while also updating it to a satisfying instrumental. Nice one...MICHAEL GIACCHINO??? The Avengers and The Incredibles composer? THAT MICHAEL GIACCHINO??? No wonder I love the music here!

How about editing? Well...editing leaves something to be desired, sorry to say. Some of the distracting way these sequences are constructed is...less than stellar. Still, Zack Staenberg and Roger Barton did very well with the racing sequences, so it’s got some high highs, alongside its dismal lows. In other words, 7/10 overall here.

76%, and that sounds about right to me!

Is this my favorite racing movie or car movie? No, Mad Max Fury Road still has it beat there. Is this a movie I would watch again? Weirdly...yeah, yeah 100%, and with other people. This isn’t the best movie in the world, obviously, but I do agree that it’s underrated. It’s crazy, its bombastic (yes, I do love that word), it’s nonsensically seizure-inducing...and it’s somehow intriguing at the same time. Would watch again.

That’s it for cars! And we’re in the last week of Action January! Wow, that’s crazy. Can’t believe I’ve kept this up for this long, to be honest. So, how to send off this month? I already know the ending, but how to start? Well...I guess there’s one major subgenre I haven’t touched: disaster.

January 24, 2021: The Poseidon Adventure (1972)

[la-paritalienne]

Eve!!!! Need your thoughts about Taylor's album!!!! 💓💓💓💓💓💓

i love getting asked :”(((((( :”))))))) thank uuuuuuuu. let’s get to it. as usual, it’s an almost-first impression (normally i write my basic thoughts during the first listen – yeah i’d started doing it before getting this, you know, just in case – and then i review them w a second one, where i also select my favourite passage). sooo, let’s go

♡♡♡♡

the 1 — such sweet yet heartbreaking lyrics... very soft sound, if it sets the mood for the album im 100 per cent in! This one didn’t stick w me after one listen, but after the second i was like wooow! I love how she says waking up alone ughhh. 8

fave lyrics: persist and resist the temptation to ask you / if one thing had been different / would everything be different today?

cardigan — !!!!!!! the sound has that bittersweet something that gets under your skin and makes you nostalgic for something you can’t even pinpoint. it reminds me of the softest lana, especially in nfr (eg bartender!!). i’m in awe. instant obsession!!!! the ending takes you to another plane of existence – ‘cause i knew everything when i was young... i knew you’d miss me... you’d come back to me. also i’m crying. 10+

[it’s hard to choose bc the whole song reads like poetry but i’m especially obsessed w] giving me your weekends; once in twenty lifetimes; tried to change the ending / peter losing wendy; you drew stars around my scars

the last great american dynasty — storytelling on pointttt and sound, too! telling the story of someone she bought her house from?? the genius jumped out. she paints it like a romantic portrait, mad woman pacing on the shore, but then also gatsbian, the crazy parties, dali... and then takes it back to today w the key lime green dog, idk, iconic. i want to know this woman. this song truly takes you somewhere else, i thought it was a bit repetitive but then the bridge came in and the final vocals plus i had a marvelous time ruining everything, i have to stan! 8+

there goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen / she had a marvelous time ruining everything

exile — ok wow, bon iver’s voice is something else!!!! i was kind of ignorant when it came to him, i admit. his depth and rasp paired with how angelic she sounds... heavenly. sound-wise, but also thematically, this vaguely reminds me of tomorrow never came w lana and sean ono lennon. (one of my fave songs of all time maybe?). the way they enunciate i think i’ve seen this film before is literally a work of art all in itself, not to mention – well i’m mentioning it bc it’s worth it! – the you never gave a warning sign vs the way she goes over it w i gave so many signs. god this makes me feel sooooo sad and like, involved. it’s so beautiful. 10

you’re not my homeland anymore / so what am i defending now?

my tears ricochet — ok wtfffff??? everything about this speaks to my soul. the airy voice, the way she sets the scene... sunlit room, the funeral metaphor, you turned into your worst fears. i didn’t have it in myself to go with grace speaks to me more than anything, but just, everything about the lyrics. truly something else, cursing my name / wishing i stayed gives me chills everytime she says it. the beat that gets more insistent towards the end, with the bridge....... the high notes that then fade..... just wow. 10

and i can go anywhere i want / anywhere i want, just not home / and you can aim for my heart, go for blood / but you would still miss me in your bones / and i still talk to you when i’m screaming at the sky / and when you can’t sleep at night you hear my stolen lullabies

mirrorball — love the lyrics, maybe a bit less the sound? i mean i do love the sound, so far i’m loving how softly produced and coherent this album is, but this one i wouldn’t listen to on repeat and maybe there’s something a bit whiny that i don’t love. powerful meaning tho, and who’d use a mirrorball as a metaphor for feeling like you’re fragile, trying too hard to be a people-pleaser and no one sees the real you? 7

i’m still trying everything to keep you looking at me

seven — ah........ i started crying as soon as this one started, pleeease picture me in the trees, i hit my peak at seven....... like ok there’s no need to go that hard??? it’s so dreamy and like... naïf? in a perfect way. the way she says i still got love for you...... and everything else... she mentions folk songs... the purest love described in the purest way. i don’t think i have enough words to descrive the way this song moves me. like i want to listen to it again and again, to be able to feel like that again, but also i’m almost scared to listen bc it touches me too deeply. i still will tho hehe. 10+ (also just realised this is track 7 ok makes sense but my mind is blown. 100)

[this is literally deeper than a shakespeare sonnet so everything literally is my fave but, having to choose] and i’ve been meaning to tell you / i think your house is haunted / your dad is always mad and that must be why / and i think you should come live with me / and we can be pirates / then you won’t have to cry / or hide in the closet / and just like a folk song / our love will be passed on

august — i love the contrast between the lighthearted, happy singing and guitars and the sad lyrics. the story it tells is so simple and yet there’s so much poetry in that... plus it reminds me of fearless or even speak now?? which are like. the taylor that gets to my heart, tbh. the bridge and the outro made the song for me. 8,5

for me, it was enough / to live for the hope of it all / canceled plans just in case you’d call

this is me trying — oh god... lyrically this song is so raw and honest, it gives me chills! i do have to say, i don’t love how she says i just wanted to know (like metrically?? idk, im weird) but these are really just small comments on amazing songs, bc i feel like all i’m saying is wow this is great, lyrics and sound, but it truly is a complete and consistent work of art, easily listened to top to bottom each time. 8-

they told me all of my cages were mental / so got wasted like all my potential / and my words shoot to kill when i’m mad / i have a lot of regrets about that

illicit affairs — ok this goes without saying but i love storyteller taylor, it’s the taylor i grew up loving and singing to in my room. the thing about most of these songs, this one included, is that they probably grow on you after a few listens, bc they’re not made to be catchy, the production and backgrounds are always very soft and some i love more than others. this one musically maybe isn’t my fave but the narration is on point, and the bridge?? the fuckkkk. plus it has one of mt favourite themes ever which is so rarely spoken about, which is the fact that language you only speak w a particular someone you love, makes you miss them even more when they’re gone. or well not exactly this but i can’t put it into words, she did tho. 8+

you taught me a secret language i can’t speak with anyone else / and you know damn well / for you, i would ruin myself / a million little times

invisible string — the color theme!!! the guitar strumming!!! and the idea of an invisible tie w someone special... i do think she outdid herself w this album. again, not my fave soundwise, maybe slightly whiny when she goes meEeeEee? but, lyrically adorable and moving. 7,5

one single thread of gold / tied me to you

mad woman — maam...... this is iconic shit........ how could she say stuff like this w such a dreamy, breathy voice. musically i get huuuge lana’a nfr vibes again (which i mean. goals) but i also adore that lyrically it’s so taylor, no one would say this shit the way she does. adore how she sings to wrap your news around and bonus for women like hunting witches too, i do love me a nod to the fact that some women are so deeply filled w machism that they’re basically men in disguise. 8,5 

every time you call me crazy, i get more crazy / what about that? / and when you say i seem angry, i get more angry [isn’t this just womanhood condensed in a few lines]

epiphany — aw! it sounds like a lullaby, maybe it’s slightly ‘boring’ for my taste? meaning i get distracted which is surely a shame bc the words seem beautiful, but it’s so soft i just drift off? but reading the lyrics – for focus hehe – i’m moved. 7+

only twenty minutes to sleep / but you dream of some epiphany / just one single glimpse of relief / to make some sense of what you’ve seen

betty — okay byeeeeeeeeee. this is taylor at her finest! countryyyyyyyy, storytelling, lesbian jdjdfk no yeah I know I knowww, romance went sour. gut wrenching and beautiful, this feels like... watching a sad teen movie but w a sepia filter, idk. i dreamt of you all summer long oh my......... it’s like og taylor from her iconic first couple of albums came back but w all her baggage and growth and experience and better than ever. also why does taylor sing so wel about being in love w a woman????? well. 10+

betty, right now is the last time / i can dream about what happens when / you see my face again

peace — ..........yes yes yes. the high notes, the honesty, the syncopated parts where she says so much so quick and yet it still hits you. it’s not even a short song but it ends too soon, it goes by like that..... a poem. omg it just hit me this has flo vibes! especially from high as hope, for example grace or south london forever?? i mean... taylor doing alt folk country pop...... queen. give you my wild, give you a child?? ok ok. 10

all these people think love’s for show / but i would die for you in secret

hoax — weeeell the lana inspo jumped out w that piano!!!!! and like. mood. and lyrics...... this reminds me of wuthering heights or of lana’s tormented love stories (shades of blue.....). a powerful closer. poetry. 9

i am ash from your fire

♡♡♡♡

okkkkk this was a flattering review, very well deserved imo since the review is mine gjgjhkhk i agree w myself. thank you again and as i always say, feel free to come back w your comments! and have a great dayyyyy! much love

[1800-seungshine]

acts of kindness.

group: txt. member: choi yeonjun. genre(s): fluff, highschool!au. summary: a bandaid and an umbrella. who knew that a simple act of kindness one fateful day could lead to a blooming friendship and possibly even more. (bullet-point format) word count: 1.5k

note: what better way than to publish a scenario as a 100th post! this is my first time writing since last year and this time it’s not wanna one but about one of the txt boys. i’m very nervous about how it turned out ooft. hopefully, i didn’t butcher it too much since i haven’t watched a lot of videos to grasp yeonjun’s personality lmao. anyways, thank you for the likes, follows and reblogs i’ve been getting :’)) i appreciate it very much aheh. happy readings!

ok wow i’m so rusty 

bear with me y’all lmao 

i know that yeonjun would have probably graduated by now but let’s pretend that he didn’t lmao teleport yourselves to last year aight

choi yeonjun is known around the school for being one of the coolest and nicest seniors around.

he’s popular with all the girls, guys and even the teachers love him.

he’s involved in the dance club but also an honorary member in the music club. he’s the guy they call when they need someone to sing or rap.

basically,, sis is your talented all rounder smh how rude is he amirite

you were also a senior like yeonjun except you weren’t as famous around the school and you’re more involved in academic clubs. 

there are a large number of students who know you but that’s because you often help out with tutoring.

the teachers are quite fond of you as well since you’re quick to jump when they need help, even if they didn’t think they needed help.

overall, you’re a helpful person. 11/10 good citizen yknow.

but due to being in different classes, you don’t know yeonjun that well and vice-versa; you two only pass each other in the hallways.

hence you recognise his face but you don’t really know his name.

[inserts jungkook’s “i know her face but i don’t her name”]

you don’t know much about the social circles around the school since you usually find yourself cooped up in the library during break, helping out younger students with their assigned work

and if tutoring wasn’t the case, the academic clubs you’re in always seem to have endless lunch meetings.

look at me trying to fix a plot hole lmao

but you have heard the name yeonjun thrown around here and there

you just shrug it off though since you don’t know who the guy is or what he looks like.

your paths never really cross anyways.

but that won’t be the case for long :^D

it all started when yeonjun found himself in the school library, printing his assignment last minute (it was due the next class). 

being in such a rush, what yeonjun didn’t realise was that he gave himself a paper cut

“ack!” he feels a jolt of pain, causing him to stand there as he flails his hand around, a pained expression on his face as he internally screams because hey it’s free real estate the library

you were going over to the printer to collect the documents which were you but you momentarily stopped as you watched this dude making a bunch of pained expressions in a single minute, grumbling to himself.

from his endless mutterings, all you could make out was “why does paper hurt so much? why is the world forsaking me? i hate this library.” 

we love a dramatic boi

stifling a laugh, you walked over to check up on him. 

“hey are you ok?” 

realising someone had approached him, yeonjun pulls himself together as he clears his throat. 

“oh yeah, i’m good. just a paper cut, nothing major. i can handle it.” 

doubting his statement, you rummage in your skirt pocket for a bandaid and after successfully finding one, you hand it to him. 

“i experience paper cuts quite a lot. more than i want, really.” you tell him, chuckling a little bit, “here you go, just so it won’t irritate you as much.”

he looks down at the bandaid you gave to him, staring at the sky blue background and the drawing of a polar bear lying down. 

“what a cute bandaid.” yeonjun mumbles, chuckling in amusement at the design before he looks up, his eyes immediately meeting yours as he sends a smile. “thanks...” 

you reciprocate with a smile, “no worries.” you say to him before walking off. 

left in a small trance, yeonjun finally snaps out of it as he smacks his forehead. 

“i forgot to ask what her name was!”

time skip yeet 

it was nearing the end of another school day and of course being the last period of classes, you couldn’t help but to zone out for certain sections of it.

you stared out the window again, taking note of how the huge grey clouds that formed earlier began to cover the sky and rain started to fall.

as you watched the rain transition from light sprinkling and now pelting down, the school bell rings as realisation hits you. 

you didn’t bring your umbrella today. 

releasing a tiny groan, you shut your eyes in frustration before shaking your head at yourself. 

“seems like we’re walking home in the rain today.” you say to yourself as you pack your things, placing them in your bag. 

as you near the school doors, you briefly stop your tracks to take off your blazer, placing it over you as you let out a sigh, “well there’s no other choice.” 

with your blazer providing some sort of shelter, you exit out of the school gates in a rush. 

what you didn’t know was that someone was waiting for you.

choi yeonjun to be exact. 

he notices you power walk through the large groups of students walking together, with a blazer above your head. 

and suddenly he finds himself trying to catch up with you, “hey!”

luckily for yeonjun, his yelling caused you to halt and his long strides helped him block your path. 

forgetting his original plan of thanking you and asking for your name, he takes your blazer and places it in your arm whilst shoving the umbrella he had in your other hand. “take it, you’ll get sick.” 

“i- but,, what-” you fumbled, taken by surprise due to his sudden presence and gesture.

but before you could utter a coherent sentence, yeonjun had already turned the other direction, running in the pouring rain. 

time skip bleep bloop.

the next day, you made sure you went to school earlier than usual. 

you stopped by a convenience store on the way to school, purchasing a box of chocolate milk as a way of saying thanks to the guy who helped you out the previous day.

unsure of what time yeonjun would arrive, you aimlessly walked back and forth the hallways where you usually see him.

with the chocolate milk in one hand and the umbrella in the other, you take a look at the flower patterned design on it, grinning at it in amusement.

you chortled in amusement when you saw it last night, wondering how a guy who seemed so cool had such an umbrella. 

as you direct your gaze away from the umbrella, you look up to see a figure walking down the hallway. 

“hey umbrella guy!” you let out a small yell, waving your arm as you were sure of the familiar face.

hearing your voice, yeonjun then jogs lightly to you with a cheeky grin plastered on his face. 

“oh, hey bandaid girl.” 

you raise a brow at the nickname, smiling softly. “bandaid girl?” you repeat before snapping out of the thought at how cute the nickname was.

getting to your original point, you hand him the things in your hands, “this is for you!”

yeonjun slightly tilts his head to the side, looking down at the umbrella and the chocolate milk.

“just a simple gesture to say thanks since i didn’t get the chance to do so yesterday.” 

he lets out a small chuckle, placing his bag down to unzip his bag, putting the umbrella back before pulling out a carton of strawberry milk.

standing upright, yeonjun places the strawberry milk in your hands. “seems like we had the same idea, i wanted to say thanks for the bandaid but i didn’t get the chance either.” 

taking the strawberry milk from him, you let out a soft laughing as you sheepishly scratch your cheek out of habit. 

“this is quite strange, i don’t really know your name so i don’t know whether to call you umbrella guy or to ask what your name is before thanking you.” 

forming a wide grin, yeonjun stretches out his hand, “the name’s choi yeonjun but umbrella guy also works i guess. nice to meet you.” 

“oh you’re yeonjun. oh goodness, i should have known.” you say with realisation, hitting your forehead lightly before replying with a similar grin, “i’m y/n but bandaid girl’s just as fine.” 

you take his outstretched hand, shaking it as firmly as possible, sending a sweet smile at his way. 

“it’s very nice to meet you, yeonjun and thanks for the strawberry milk.” 

“likewise, y/n. thanks for the chocolate milk as well, i appreciate it.” 

having twenty minutes of free time, the two of you open your cartons of milk as you walk around the school, spending some time chatting with one another.

“so you’re choi yeonjun, the popular senior who everyone thinks is cool right?” 

“yeap, and you must y/n the smart tutor senior?”

“smart isn’t the proper word but i do tutor the younger grades.”

“wait— hang on! what do you mean by everyone thinks i’m cool? i am cool.”

“well, that’s what i first thought too when i heard stories about you but your flower patterned umbrella ruined it.” 

“ok hold on,,, that was my mom’s.” 

“uhuh ok.” 

“what? you don’t believe me?? :’(”

as the day slowly begins, the empty hallways begin to be filled with laughter and voices of two people who never really knew the impact of their benevolence until now. 

[all-at-once-you-are-the-one]

Stream of Consciousness Lover Album Reaction

I wrote out my first thoughts while listening to the album and put them in one big post. I hope you find them as funny as I do lmao

1. I Forget That You Existed

LOL so that’s what the drake Easter egg was about!

Who is this about????

NIIIIiiiiiiiiiIIIiiiiCE

SHE SOUNDS SO GOOD

I JUST FORGOT WHAT THEY WERE LMAOOO

HER LAUGH!! SO CUTE!!

This track is somehow savage and adorable at the same time

So......yeah.......

ShnfhKJHGKSHDKGHSKGHSJG

2. Cruel Summer

This is giving me Katy perry vibes

The devils roll their dice line is from this?? Didn’t expect that

This is maybe the catchiest song I’ve ever heard

Why is this not a single??????

STILL DONT KNOW WHAT SUMMERS A KNIFE MEANS

EXPLAIN TAYLOR

This also kind of gives me Jonas brothers vibes, why???

Again.....what is this about???

OooOOoooOooWhoooooAAAAhh i loveeee this

OOOH no you know what this gives me GETAWAY CAR vibes

Wait...do we think that at the beginning joe wanted to keep their relationship private and Taylor agreed but then changed her mind? WAIT NO.....is this about her having to keep her love for joe secret at first the summer they met because she was with someone else/it was too soon??

3. Lover

Ok SUPER WEIRD transition into lover but OK

As much as I love albums with a clear narrative like rep I also like being all over the place so this is fine

CAN I GO WHERE YOU GOOOOOO

FOR EVER AND EVER ANDIIIII

YOURE MY MY MY MYYYYY LOVER

I wonder what inspired her to use the term lover? Does she not know that normal people don’t speak like that?

WAIT IS THE REASON LOVER COMES AFTER CRUEL SUMMER because of the 3 summers line?? Like look how we started...now were here

Does the album begin with i forgot you existed because its like ok this Kanye situation happened...but now were gonna forget about that and talk about the realer real story of the past couple years of my life rather than seeing it through the lens of that story like on rep

4. The Man

THE ACCURACY

THE ACCURAACCCCYYYYYYYYY

IT HUUURRTTSSS

Honestly though i actually thought this one would be more savage, i thi

DID SHE JUST SAY BITCHES AND MODELSSSS?????

SLJGSHUKGHKDG

Never mind this is as savage as i wanted

I should know better than to judge a Taylor song before the bridge

Again why isn’t this a single.....it better be

5. The Archer

The emotional whiplash this album is giving me is insane.

It’s like RED but with synths

Is the archer placed here because part of her lack of self confidence comes from the things the media says about her (because she’s a woman not a man?) INTERESTING THOUGHT

Don’t have much else to say about this, we already know

.....

Wow the cake i bought for tonight is somehow way too sweet

6. I Think He Knows

Definitely didn’t think i think he knows was about being horny af

But this is so catchy

Why is everything so catchy?? Literally every song should be a single

BOY I UNDERSTAND the confidence!! After the archer!! I love that he makes her feel that way1!!

I THINK HE KNOOOOOOOWWWWSS

This gives me teenage dream vibes and i fucking love that song

7. Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince

Ok time for the one with the weird title

I love how she keeps comparing her current feelings to how she felt as a teenager!! How its the same and different....very good.

SHES A BAD BAD GIRL

More dice!

Is she imagining what it would be like if she was in this relationship in high school? Because I DO THAT ALL THE TIIIIME GIRL SAME

THATS MY WHOLE WORLD SOOOO CUUUUTE

YOU PLAY STUPID GAMES YOU WIN STUPID PRIZES

VOTED

MOST

LIKELY

TO

RUN

AWAY

WITH

YOU

I really like this one. I didn’t expect I would.

This should be a single.

8. Paper Rings

THE VOICE EFFECT

She’s singing so fast on these songs!!!! I CANT KEEP UPP

UH HUH

THATS RIGHT

This is so retro and i loooooooooooooooooooooove it

DIRTY DREAMS??????? TAYLOR PLEASE

OMG THE COLOUR WE PAINTED YOUR BROTHERS WALL

THE PICTURE

THE PICTURE

FROM THE REP MAGAZINES

SDIHGUSHGUKHDZRKUGHKUDZHGUHDZGHDKZHGYIDZJLGJLDJGJSDJGDHZGHLGHLSHGHDG

II LIKE SHINY THINGS

THIS SONG IS SO FUN! ALL THESE SONGS ARE SO FUN!!

Ok baby boy that’s kinda weird but you know what..

....

....

Ok its still weird but maybe it will grow on me

This should be a single.

9. Cornelia Street

HERE IT IS!!! THE FIRST TAYLOR PRODUCED SONG

I NEVER WANT CORNELIA STREET AGAIN?? WHAT IS THIS ABOUT?? THEIR WORST FIGHT? ANOTHER RELATIONSIP? QUESTIONS

The storytelling!

Wait......is this about before they ran away together in CIWYW?? Like she thought he didn’t really want her so she was gonna run away alone...but then he was like no i really do lets go

I totally thought that this was the one with the staring out the window like I’m not your favorite town line was from

She ended it with the line she started with (i think)? Ike she used to!

Kinda feel like people hyped this one up too much but i do like it

10. Death by a Thousand Cuts

The piano!!!!

Like a thousand notes a thousand cuts

Look through the windows of this love - like the heart on her eye! I get it I GET IT lmaoooo

If this song was on red it would have the saddest production but on this album its a bop

11. London Boy

IS THAT JOE??? OMG lmao

HER ACCENT LMAOOOOOOOOO

I don’t know if this song is supposed to be as hilarious as i think it is but i really do think its hilarious

What does like a Tennessee Stella McCartney even mean????

I kinda feel like this song is too specific to her life to be relatable so maybe that’s why i feel that way about it?

12. Soon You’ll Get Better

Ok great... so we went from that to the sad one

I have to prepare

I didn’t tell you i was scared....

Cause you have to...

The fact that this is the country song...

I cant

GOD NOW IM CRYING THIS IS SO SAD

That was the only song so far i had to actually stop typing for. God....I’m so sad for her and her family.

13. False God

I can barely take this song in because of what just came before.

But i really like it. And i really like the theme of religion on this album

14. You Need to Calm Down

NOW YNTCD IS PLAYING

??? IM LITERALLY SOO SAD FROM SOON YOULL GET BETTER STILL

I CANT

PROCESS

THIS

This album is literally all over the place, i keep trying to assign a narrative to it and its not working out so I’m just gonna give up

Sometimes albums are just collections of songs and not a coherent, linear story and that is ok! Even if its not what i prefer

It certainly didn’t bother me on her first few albums.

The one thing i take away from this is like...no wonder she’s so determined to be so overly positive, i think for her its that or break down crying in the face of what’s happening in her family

15. Afterglow

I really love this song!!! Hashtag relatable

......

Man..you can really tell even just from my typing that my heart isn’t in this anymore after that song

Like

Fuck

I think I’m just sad for me too, because i know that i will go through that too sooner rather than later and I already have friends dealing with losing a parent.

16. ME!

My only thought on this is god bless brendon Urie for injecting so much additional joy and energy into this song and making Taylor happy, i just get the vibe that she really needed that

ALSO WHAT THERES REALLY NO HEY KIDS SPELLING IS FUN

TAYLOR EXPLAAIAIIIIIIIAIAIIAN

We’ll see if its on my physical cd copies when they arrive...if not then maybe it was always planned to be a line only in the single version

17. It’s Nice to Have a Friend

Ok I don’t really like this song that much but i really like the messages she’s trying to send like...real love feels like hanging out with a childhood bestie, so comfortable

18. Daylight

I WAS LIKE MEH

BUT THE FUCKING BRIDGE

THE BRIDGE

IM EMOTIONALLY DESTROYED

Also something about the chorus reminds me of the chorus of starlight

STEP INTO THE DAYLIGHT AND LET IT GO

YES

I WAS LIKE NO IS THAT NOT A LYRIC??

BUT IT ISTHANK GOD

THE END

YOU ARE WHAT YOU LOVE

THAT WAS LIKE

MY MANTRA FOR A COUPLE YEARS A WHILE BACK

BECAUSE

I LOVED SO MANY PEOPLE BUT THEY DIDNT LOVE ME

AND I WANTED TO BE DEFINITED BY THE FACT THAT I LOVED THEM NOT THAT HTEY DIDNT LOVE ME

IIIIIIIIIIII

I

IN CONCLUSION:

My feelings are everywhere. Some songs disappointed me but some blew me away - soon you’ll get better is basically the new Never Grow Up for me which is saying a lot. Everything is catchy a hell though even the songs I didn’t like as much. Ultimately i would have liked more songs about varying subject matter esp. self love but as it is, it is still somehow so all over the place. It really just shows how many emotions and phases can be contained within one relationship (i mean I’m assuming every song about a relationship is about joe). I really think that the song about her mom maybe should have been placed somewhere else...I don’t know where I would have put it but that shit is HEAVY. I am so honored that she and her family would share that with us though. I have a million question about how Andrea is doing and if my theory on why tour hasn’t been announced is correct...maybe she will explain more in the interviews/secret session audio we’re getting in the next couple days. I think my favorite song is Lover but that may change. I don’t think any song on here tops my current all time favorite Taylor song though which is CIWYW. That’s a little disappointing but not every song or album has to be my fave! And this album will probably grow on me esp as i hear Taylor’s explanations of it. Rep did. I really did nooott feel good about most of rep at first, it took a few days.

[krakenator]

Chapter 11 aka “Welcome to Chili’s”

SPOILERS are sprinkled around extremely liberally for The Property of Hate

Masterpost here

Oh damn alright that answers my earlier question of “what will cause RGB to make like a cuttlefish”. He can fiddle with his colors at any time, but he’ll fritz and settle on colors after power surges as well

And he DODGES the black button question. Look at that anxious cane fiddling!

White knob handles color, black knob brightness, he’s just shown that the white panel opens to adjust brightness/saturation/color… is the black button just plain off?

“I lose you I leave you” is such a damned lie lmao

Let’s see what kind of Stuff people trade here!

Moments manifest as clocks, har-har

I’m in love with the borzoi vender bc I love borzois they’re such ridiculously ethereal dogs

Don’t like your current eye? Trade it for a better eye!

or you dont care about eyes, just revenge-feelings

Kisses of varying flavors, all shaped like X’s

STOP RIGHT THERE crimincal scum. RGB stole a farewell kiss (HAR HAR). But seriously, does the Market have law enforcement for this kind of thing?

I’m sorry but my shit fandom brain see’s discussion about trading body parts and my mind immediately goes to Skulduggery “lost his original skull when sleeping and replaced it by winning another one in a poker game” Pleasant

Incidentally ALSO a story about a standoffish dapper non-human taking a young girl on Adventures

uh oh

Lmao he ends up dropping his cane in panic

I love the movement in this panel. RGB just scooping her up with one arm

Goodbye New Suit we barely knew ye

RGB’s able to fine tune his pallet extremely specifically for just 3 sliders

This might be my favorite interaction in the entire damn comic

CAREFUL RGB YOUR ATTACHMENT IS SHOWING

I love how RGB decided “you know what i like what that quick camouflage did for my trousers, I’m going to coordinate my upper half to match it”

Interesting visual and sound effect- we saw a character swap out heads earlier without that CRACK. Considering Assok’s had trouble twice now with static cling to RGB’s face, is this an electric spark of sorts?

I like the detail that Watcher only speaks in one word sentences

God but that cane is convenient. What I wouldn’t give to have possessions that are impossible to lose

I love RGB quietly, actually checking in with Assok after accidentally knocking them off Hero’s head

And now for something completely different!

WHOLESOME ASSOK HUG

RGB’s starting to poke her towards her epiphany about the Make Believe

As a someone who spent a long time being a short person that’s such short people talk RGB

Dude I skimmed over Dial’s dialogue this page last time because, really. Look at it. So lets actually read this sucker

Oh shit Dial actually mentions the Elastic Valley way before we get there ourselves

He’s got to what now. TOby is there on a JOB? Someone put him here on PURPOSE? I thought he just ended up there and was so surly to every fucking thing and everyone passing by was like “ok u can stay there rudepants”. What’s he on watch for?? Unless it’s far more punishment than it is useful assignment

Bad puns, go to jail

Oh shit does Watcher have another pair of eyes on his wings? Damn! For a guy with 4 eyes he sure is not very helpful at his job later on!!

Hooo does his boss make Dial nervous. Lookit that stutter and devolution to muttering

When Dial says TOby took his eye off things, is he referring to letting RGB+Hero pass by (how would he stop them)? Is it that the wind blew him over and blocked his vision (THAT IS LITERALLY NOT HIS FAULT)?

And what the hell has TOBy done to defy Hate previously? What does he have opinions that Hate/Dial would have him change his mind about?

See you space cowboy…

And because I can’t make up my mind on what to meme here: “mm whatcha saaay”

A thought on Dial’s design… his head says “ON AIR”. Later we know that Hate can listen in on him. D’you figure he ever makes himself “OFF AIR” other than when he sleeps?

Now this little here combined textbox gives me some thoughts…

I haven’t paid attention to the color of character text beyond Hero’s voice getting eroded by sand, but… boxes can be any color and shape, its not uncommon for characters to have separate fonts, but words themselves? Only ever black and white. Now this could be for the sake of no eyestrain against backgrounds, but... consider the dichotomy TPoH is building up over its story

white in this comic is associated with bad things quite often. Lies, [-----], Hate’s realm. The blinding, scorching, destructive light of the unmasked Sun. meanwhile, darkness hides the Market from danger, and nighttime is tied intrinsically with dreaming. in fact, we JUST had an entire chapter dedicated to framing the Dark as good, protective, and aligned with trees and water, other positive entities

For a minute I got all excited because Dial and the Butterfly both have white text, thinking “oh, my god. do all Hate-aligned characters have white text?” this gets jossed pretty hard by Julienne’s white text, as well as Cell and Tailor.

but while THINKING on that, I jumped back to Storytime in chapter 10 and check this out: the moment RGB starts his story, text is suddenly white. Most of it continues to be in white… except for these two sentences

AND CHECK THIS SHIT OUT: THE TEXT COLOR/SCENERY CHANGE COLOR TO THE FIVE COLORS OF RGB’S SCREEN. HOW DID I MISS THAT??

(flips table) WHAT DOES IT ALL MEEEEEEAN

… y’know, the only character to have a white bubble color for their speech is RGB, who speaks in black

He’s both. He’s NEUTRAL.

Considering my talent for creating OCs but chronic deficiency in building coherent and decisive stories for them, they’re all probably wandering this Market and world right now. at the very least most of them have spent a DAMN long time here before becoming realized (im so sorry guys im trying)

The ones that are complete as themselves but their stories are unstarted/uncertain? That’s like. most of them. whoops. maybe this will be the kick in the pants i need

But on a brighter note: Fosters Home for Unfinished OCs

BUT by the rules of this world, RGB doesn’t have a story… yet this is his story.

Assok’s newest position of travel is adorable and im dying

Y’know… Hero and RGB have very different ways of solving things. A little obvious, but- RGB’s solutions are always convoluted, require multiple steps, and are a little ridiculous. Or, he at least FRAMES them as complex. See: Click escape, train escape, entire scheme to find a Hero to right the world. Hero’s far more straightforward but her solutions are also more, like… sensible than RGB’s if that makes sense. If it was just RGB up on the burning heart his plan would have probably involved more "im very intelligent” and pizzaz, while Hero went for the comparatively simple “lets zipline” (versus RGB’s upcoming Click escape clusterfuck)

All of which to say, I got thinking on that with RGB being like “it’s a very complex topic I can’t possibly boil it down to anything smaller” and Hero describing what the Make Believe acts as in one word

So if this worlds objects come from the sea, the sea is connected to other worlds? And it was confirmed early on that ‘stuff’ and ‘thought’ are basically synonyms- these foreign objects can exist in the Make Believe because they’re infused with enough Stuff!

Hero and presumably all of the other Heroes came from outside the Make Believe… they are not unrealized characters, or they didn’t start out as such. To exist here like this, they must then be imbued with enough Stuff/Thought… if we specify Stuff as equivalent to creative thought… by jove! I’ve hit on (another) theory!

Haven’t all past Heroes been artists? Julienne is a dancer, Melody a musician, Dial works radio, Ticker is a craftsman, and Tailor works with textiles. TOby and Assok don’t have anything obvious, but if I was Hate, I’d turn puppeteers into motionless dolls and empty-voiced sock puppets.

oh yeah, and Click. betcha he was a toymaker

I wonder what kind of artist Hero would grow up to be? She clearly draws, we saw her work taped to her bedroom wall

Of note… RGB is also an artist. It looked like that alternate human-self we glimpse later was involved with TV production, or perhaps script writing.

Tfw your ex walks past and doesn’t even hesitate like wow Magnus be a stone cold bitch like that

also like how his speech tail loops around his neck like a noose upon seeing Maggie

ALSO, that conveniently timed mention of hands when giving examples of what makes Stuff valuable in the Market- the nostalgia and undertones of regret are strong in this one

(watches this character die) oh jesus Christ. (looks at list of decommissioned ocs) ... oops

So this is what it looks like when a character dies… what does it look like when one is realized

do you like puns? want some more quality RGB roasting? like clothes shopping? the next chapter is for you

[itsthenerdwonder]

Captain Marvel

So I was pretty blind going into this movie. 

Things I knew about comics!Captain Marvel: originally Mar-Vell, she got her powers from him and took his name, but she was Miss Marvel instead of Captain Marvel for...unknown reasons, she went into a coma when Rogue hugged the life out of her (giving Rogue super strength and flight) and...yeah, I think that’s about it. 

Things I knew about Captain Marvel The Movie: Fury and Coulson would be here, Goose scratched Fury’s eye, Carol and Mara...Miranda...Marinara (god, what is her name? *googles* MARIA) were an item even if the movie didn’t say so and I think something about the Kree/Skrull War.

Oh, and the women are saying men are misogynistic for hating this movie. So...I guess we’re back here. With having a movie being called a masterpiece as the only viable option because flame wars. Love it. 

So I brought a notebook into the theater to scribble out some thoughts and I’ll put those in the cut before reblogging and saying what I thought of the movie, as a whole. Maybe I shouldn’t but whatever.

First of all, my theater had 1 old guy, a dad with 2 kids (a girl about 5 and a boy about 7 [the girl was antsy a lot of the movie and wasn’t engaged while I could tell the boy was engaged because he wouldn’t shut up! You want to say something, fine, whisper it to your dad. Don’t talk at normal levels. You’re 7, you should know this]), a black couple (the only non-whites in the whole theater) with a two year old infant (who was better behaved than the 7 year old!) and another guy who’s old enough to be a dad but didn’t bring kids.

We had 4 trailers: New Godzilla monster movie with Mothra and a Hydra and whatever, Dark Phoenix, Spoilers for Endgame--a.k.a. Spider-Man: Far From Home, and Frozen 2 which was the only time the girl was engaged.

So the intro logo rolls and it’s Stan Lee and I’m crying and they say “For Stan” before the movie begins. Also, no MARVEL STUD10S, just regular MARVEL STUDIOS.

And now it’s barely coherent, have fun.

blue blood & in medias res

Hala looks like a normal city

geez, she’s only getting her butt kicked. I can tell she’s trained, but she’s not skilled enough to take what’s-his-name down

he’s not completely wrong. u can’t just tank ur way through everything. strategy is important.

wait, she gets her powers from a chip?

hey, it’s that guy from Gaurdians 1

that water CGI looks good. I don’t believe that any of this scene is a set, just a bunch of green screen and maybe green blocks for landscaping, but at least the water looks good for being super fake

the kids are confused by the Skrulls

BCGIB!

higher further faster, baby.

...she’s blue...? *pays attention* oh okay, the Skrulls are playing with her mind. them doing this gives us some help about who Carol is and what’s going on, but I’m still confused.

I’m liking this action scene best, with her fighting the Skrulls on their ship with her hands covered up so she can’t blast her way out. she’s witty and tough and actually taking bad guys out rather than getting beat repeatedly by that guy

oops, little 2 strong

...the way she’s crash landing on Earth and that suit...i feel like I’m watching Green Lantern origins. like, that first scene of the green lantern movie after Parallax kicks the snot out of what’s-his-face. 

COULSON!

Hey Fury.

and that’s how she knew granny was a skrull

Stan Lee cameo!

fighting on top of a train cliche DING!

Fury seriously needs to learn how 2 drive

NOT COULSON! How dare those Skrulls impersonate Coulson

hey! u killed one! good job, Fury.

wow. internet cafes.

Pierce? ik he’s a skrull, but still, is that the bad guy from winter soldier?

i love getting 2 know more about fury

“noble warrior heroes” I hate that line

...he did pick his badge back up, right? he didn’t just leave it on the desk?

little boy likes the cat. (every time the cat was onscreen he’d coo, but this was the first time it was onscreen, so I noted it)

Wait, the guy isn’t Mar Vell, the old lady is? Then who’s the guy? Did we ever get his name? I know sniper girl is Minerva, that’s it.

“We have orders to bring the girl and Fury in, dead or alive.” “Dead or alive?!?!” Coulson, ur smarter than this

...she’s running all the checks. I guess she goes know how to fly this jet with hyperboost...what kinda planes were you flying?

WHY R U SHOOTING @ THE BROADSIDE OF A PLANE?

hey Ronan. where’s ur black makeup?

did we just go all Mummy on the Skrull?

and carol’s blood is red. ok

“we just want a home” I don’t believe you

So his name is Yonrag or however you spell it. g2k

now that’s Captain Marvel

“is it in front of all that nothing or behind it?” “de-cloaking activated” in front apparently

why is the tessaract here? didn’t Howard fish it out of the ocean? how did it end up on a Kree spaceship?

“no matter how many times I get hit, I always get back up” --Spider-man Carol Danvers

oh Captain, my Captain! HECK YEAH!

HOLY SHIT!

so that’s a flergin

CGI fist fight is cool

♪ Now I'm free (Free fallin', now I'm Free fallin', now I'm) Free fallin' (Free fallin', now I'm Free fallin', now I'm)♪

*Mara blasts Minerva and flies through* YES!

hi, Ronan

dude, she just took down a barrage of missiles and battle cruiser without breaking a sweat. don’t even try.

now kiss

Hi, Coulson!

ah, Avengers theme

pretty end credits, but kinda basic

hey Cap. Nat. Everyone alive...we just got a clip of Thursday’s movie, didn’t we? lame.

me & dad w/o kids only 1 for schwarma scene

I’d wash that Infinity stone first...gross

And now for the edited thoughts, the reason you guys came here in the first place.

[dailydosemiku]

So I just beat Yume Nikki -Dream Diary- 100%

I’m gonna write this as an in depth review I guess. So I got done just recently discussing it with an old friend, the very same friend who roughly a decade ago showed me the original game. We have pretty polar opposite opinions of the game and I’m seeing that seems to be the trend with people who have played it so far. This isn’t a call out post or “Your opinion is wrong and mine is right” bullshit. I just want to explain why I liked it and maybe help some people see the game from a different light.

First things first. I want to premise, if this even gets read, that nothing will ever top or match Yume Nikki the RPG maker game that has gained a cult following. Even Yume Nikki on a second playthrough, will never feel like Yume Nikki on a persons first playthrough in my opinion, granted that is if they enjoyed it. Before this re-imagining came out there were mostly 2 kinds of people and barely anyone in between. People who loved it for it’s entire concept and execution and people who thought it was the most boring chore in the world. There is barely anyone I know or have met that’s in between those who are just like “yeah it’s ok I guess” Just because this re-imagining came out does not mean the original is now bad or doesn’t exist and I will respect your opinion if you think one is better then the other, because it’s an opinion, and they aren’t the same.

Below this is the Steam Store page, I want anyone reading this to read it and read it again.

“Yume Nikki has been hailed as one of the greatest (and most controversial) games ever created with RPG Maker. The new YUMENIKKI -DREAM DIARY- is not a remake, but a full reimagining of the original―reconstructed and enhanced using elements and styles of modern indie games. “

If you read this and thought this meant that this is going to be the same game, you went in with your expectations to high. One of the biggest reasons Yume Nikki was so beloved and how most people go into it was, THEY KNEW NOTHING, hell I knew nothing, I got like 2 sentences and like a 5 minute gameplay video of the game and that sold me. Then these people were to learn after diving into this strange game that only told you things with visuals, the creator disappears. For years even. So to do both games right I want to break them down into some basically game design elements to the best of my ability. Gameplay, Soundtrack, Story, Visuals, and Atmosphere/Presentation. Of course I’m going to reference both games because that’s what everyone else is doing for each of these.

Gameplay, well there really wasn’t much of a game to play in Yume Nikki the RPG maker game. I’m sorry I love Yume Nikki, but there’s not a lot of interactivity. It’s more of an experience, a long giant question of How and Why did this game get to this point? If you were at all like me, you kept playing to answer these questions and ultimately you either didn’t get an answer and were happy with it or you found your own answer, which if you ask me is part of the magic of that first playthrough. But as a 2D free RPG Maker game with no admission to entry, it was an experience and just that AN EXPERIENCE. As for Yume Nikki -Dream Diary- the 3D platformer, there’s actually a game to be played which understandable makes it very different then the RPG maker original. But this is an re-imagining, it’s not fair to directly compare the 2. They are in completely different medians and special in their own ways. In it’s essence, whether you agree or not both games at their element are about exploring an experience. If one having gameplay elements, that if you ask me were fairly well tested but not perfect, makes it less of an experience and was frustrating, then I don’t think you remember some of the frustrating non-sense that the RPG maker version had, such as navigating NES World, Locating the Bike which for most of the playthrough you were guaranteed to use because the normal movement speed was slow as shit and that’s usually what stopped a bunch of people from getting farther into it. But I say this with pride, it was part of the experience, it was part of the fun and by all technicality, was it’s own form of rudimentary puzzles and gameplay. Now yes I hear some of you die hard fans cry but there’s not as many effects and not as many doors and worlds, not as many themes and they took out so much. I am sad to say some of the things they took out I will miss, that is if the original game was wiped off the face of the planet with this games release, but it wasn’t.The original is still there as it always was. Because it can’t be replaced. It won’t ever be replaced, people have tried. So onto the point, the gameplay of the 3D one. It’s a horror platformer with puzzle solving and a few jumpscares I guess. You are sitting here reading this, I hope, going wow it’s that easy to categorize? Well yeah sorry to say guys it’s 2018 not 2004, in the time between the first RPG maker classic which I love to death and this newer retake of the very concept of Yume Nikki in 2018 we have had 3 different presidents, saw the rise and fall of many platforms like Vine, went through not 1, not 2 but 3 generations of Video Game Consoles, got 10 versions of the IPhone, like 8 versions of Samsungs Phones and a bunch of other stuff. Needless to say, times change, information is easier to access and we have gotten older and more analytical when it comes to the things we do as hobbies or otherwise. If we are to just look at the word re-imagining at face value and by definition.

reinterpret (an event, work of art, etc.) imaginatively; rethink. 

Is the new Yume Nikki a reinterpretation of the RPG classic? Absolutely, it’s a different take on what the game was. Key word different, problem is in 2018 things are easier to find then 2004, communities are larger, people are older, and things in general are going to less surprising. So from a gameplay standpoint is the new Yume Nikki the 3D Platformer a well thought out game from a gameplay standpoint? Yes it is, it has it’s bugs which is unfortunate, but even games that got GAME OF THE YEAR were horrible buggy messes when they came out and those were backed by Triple A developers, COUGH COUGH FALLOUT 3 EVEN THOUGH I LOVE YOU YOU ARE A MESS COUGH COUGH. Moral of the story for the gameplay, it’s different yes but that doesn’t make it bad just not the same. If you can effectively get from beginning to end regardless how the journey goes, the game did what it needed to do. If you felt obligated to finish -Dream Diary- that was nostalgia and that almost need to feel the magic of the first playthrough of the RPG Maker classic, meaning you aren’t taking Yume Nikki -Dream Diary- as it’s own game, you are trying to take it as a replacement for a beloved classic.

Now that I’m done with that portion I guess, hopefully my point was more or less digestible and hopefully didn’t come off as if you disagree I hate you, cause that’s not my intent, if you don’t like it, you don’t like it, I just want to give a separate perspective. The Soundtrack. I think the Soundtrack in both games is just weird and beautiful and bizarre and conveys messages on a spectrum going from of uncomfortable to serene to almost intimidating. I’m no music expert or major or whatever but the music in Yume Nikki -Dream Diary- not only was very good and did what it meant to do in my opinion but was an incredible nod at the RPG Maker classic featuring a lot of remastered tracks from the original which I think portrayed similar emotions as I felt from the first game. I don’t have much else to say on the soundtrack, it’s timing and consistency felt as good as the original in it’s own special way but should not be interpreted as the same.

So the next thing I want to bring up is story. Now if you are a fan of the RPG Maker classic, you know as well as I do that the story is ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, it’s almost entirely up to interpretation. The story was what you thought it was, you just get kind of a beginning and kind of a ending. People who wanted a classical game with a story with a beginning middle and end, would not really even touch this game. Cause it doesn’t hold your hand, but not in a “is this the dark souls of RPG Maker games?” kind of way. It’s entire conception, how it came to be, how the game played, how the game ends and how you get an ending to begin with and the mysterious creator and their disappearance are all ultimately part of Yume Nikkis’ Story in my opinion. The time the game came out, the so little information about the game that was known, the fact that Youtube was still young, fuck me I was using SKYPE when I played this game in like 2008, it was the perfect storm but only because of the games story outside of the game as well as inside. It was a mess, but it was such an amazing mess that was so hard to describe and time and time and time again the only thing people could really say is “you just have to play it, I can’t explain it without ruining it” That was also a part of the games story if you ask me. It was so strange and so meta but it always made people say the same thing. Now 14 years later, the developer is back, is older, sees his own mistakes better then any of us ever could, and I know if anyone reads this, some of you are artists or content creators or game designers and you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about being hyper critical of your own work. And now he has help now, a team of developers and even though he worked side by side with these people, of course there’s going to be a disconnect, something lost in translation, that’s exactly what fangames are, an interpretation of the original. So yes sadly there’s a bit more going on that’s coherent now but it’s 14 years later being lead by a guy who knows his own mistakes for a game he made alone, which is an achievement yes, but he has seen and allowed to be published in the very beginning of this new game a nod at where his last game left off. Meaning of course he acknowledges what he made and knows people adored it, but people also hated it. It was a judgement call, and you may not like the result but I assure you it was a decision in good faith, at least that the message I got from this game. Now enough beating around the bush, this games story? It does it;s job without telling you to much and honestly I still feel like in this games case like the last one, explaining what happens loses the impact, and some of the impact is because I played the game prior. So I think it does it’s job at re-imagining the story of Yume Nikki the RPG maker game well enough.

Next is visuals, now as an RPG Maker game you could argue it’s not good looking, till you think about it, that one guy, made all of that basically from scratch, it’s poetic, it’s awe-inspiring, that this one guy makes this strange game and it moved people so much and all you really do is just look at things. It’s a stunning game to the eyes because you want to know what this guy could have possibly created next and each environment is so different from the last, each effect so silly and cute or scary and gross all at the same time making you feel these mixed emotions of joy, excitement, nausea, tension all at the same time. It almost mesmerizes you into this feeling of wanting to do everything while simultaneously fearing when it’s all over and the dream ends both literally and metaphorically. It’s only because of this, in my opinion is why visually the RPG maker game is such a work of art. Now for Yume Nikki -Dream Diary- if you ask me I think the game is breathtaking, there’s so much care put into so many little details, yes there are clipping issues and the animations aren’t great but remember Yume Nikki the RPG Maker game wasn’t perfect either, we didn’t care though, we were young, we just wanted to take whatever it was in for what it was worth. From a technical standpoint I feel like this game is stunning in the visual department, but it’s not that complicated compared to games of it’s time, much like the older classic. The older classic came out the same year as Half Life 2, which was a technical marvel when it came out, now it’s kinda dated but regardless that didn’t make Yume Nikki in 2004 any less of an unique experience, and I feel like that same way of thinking should be applied to this new title as best as a person can. I’m going to steal a line from another reviewer loosely, Portal 2s biggest flaw is that it came out after Portal 1.  I must have heard those words 5 years ago or something and they still stick with me. If you look at Portal 2 it’s literally an evolved embodiment of Portal, but you already knew the concept of Portal cause it already came out so it’s shock value, it’s rare and raw punch is lessened because something did that already. It’s the same reasons fangames and Yume Nikki -Dream Diary- won’t feel the exact same. Cause it came out afterwards.

Lastly I wish to touch on a final point before closing this review I guess, more of an analysis. The presentation and atmosphere. Broken down as simply as I can both games share this. They are Surreal Horror Exploration games whose job is to seemingly immerse you in the strange world of a little Japanese girls dreams. That’s where the disconnect begins. Cause even though you wouldn’t think of the RPG Maker classic to be a horror game it has horror themes and the occasional jumpscare or visual for shock value. Now as a re-imagining does the new Yume Nikki -Dream Diary- fit the bill for an amazing strange atmosphere just like the first? Absolutely, it tells most of it’s story passively, no dialogue, nothing crazy, just you and a simple platformer. But alas, it’s a platformer with tension and parts with severely more interaction then the original causing you to feel urgency and demand to escape or jump the next hurdle or challenge, which is not the same as original. Which understandably is this games biggest flaw, if from the very beginning it said it was a remake and that the original is no longer an actual concept. If we were to look at Yume Nikki -Dream Diary- the same way as the original, where we had nothing to compare it too, it’s a lot better of a game and it’s creepy atmosphere is on point, the environments are great and the nods it makes to the older game make me happy.

All in all I think that even with it’s flaws on release that Yume Nikki -Dream Diary- is a stunning love letter to the original game, written by a team of people copying down the words of the creator, ultimately dedicated to those of us who gave Yume Nikki it’s following while simultaneously being something more accessible to wider audience so that by chance they may also play the original game to fully understand why this game exists and what purpose it serves. It’s a thank you letter, an attempt to redo in a different sense what we have tried ourselves many times to recreate and even though a lot of the fan games are great they don’t feel the exact same and neither does this, it’s fantastic but we should all know by now that it can’t be done again, that’s why it’s special. But the creator knew this and wanted to try again but with more knowledge this time and I respect him for it, I respect the team who worked on this game, flaws and all. Perfect or not they wanted us to feel that special feeling one more time, and maybe it wasn’t what you wanted but I don’t even know what I wanted.

-Katy

[sharethisgemwithme]

“Raising the Barn” instant reaction

So now's when we pull Peridot and Lapis into the conversation? [scrolls down to synopsis] "Pumpkin goes missing!" [aquamarine face] I know from one of the convention trailers that Lion also goes missing at some point (and we haven't seen him since Connie rode him into the portal), but it's really weird to do a missing "persons" storyline SO IMMEDIATELY after we just did a missing persons storyline.

My predictions: I think this is when we're going to get the La-pissed off phone call from the promo, but I wonder what Steven will say or do to set her off. Don't have a coherent guess, so I'm just gonna play the episode.

I'm watching via on-demand, and will start the clock with "We!" As always, first time I'm watching straight through with no pauses or rewinds.

Note: I watched the whole set over the course of the day on Sunday, but decided to space out my reaction posts. These are authentic in that I haven’t gone back and changed earlier reactions after watching later episodes. Also, for the benefit of those on mobile who can’t blacklist, the rest of this post is behind a cut.

0:00 - Who's it gonna be this episode? 0:20 - Amber debuts! With Hilary. 0:28 - More sad looks at Connie's picture. Which is now in color. 0:42 - song time song time 0:50 - SONG TIME 0:58 - and cut off 1:06 - here's the call from the barn. IT'S NOT CONNIE, STEVEN! 1:25 - pumpkin is still weird 1:38 - aww lapis is blushing 1:51 - spaaaace. i wonder how much they already know 2:04 - oh yeah. that'll set her off. 2:19 - and BYE 2:42 - you can.. yeah you can bring the TV 2:50 - lapis is D O N E 3:04 - you keep saying that "we're safe" thing 3:22 - peridot, it's time to make a decision. lapis has made hers 3:45 - peri is not planning to leave. lapis is gonna leave without you. 4:18 - uhh... what are you doing there, lapis? 4:30 - yikes. 4:35 - oh. so that's what you mean by "raising the barn". literally. why didn't I expect that? 4:54 - lapis's goodbyes are never permanent. 5:08 - seriously, where did she go? 5:23 - or did peridot hide her to try to delay lapis's departure? 5:50 - yeah, the cluster. that's still a thing. 6:04 - a basketball is good enough 6:20 - "we'll never know" YAY [/sarcasm] 6:33 - "she loves this", we don't need to know about your, uh, habits 6:56 - hahahha 7:02 - "onion's onions" 7:20 - ok, so peridot didn't hide her, she hid herself? 8:10 - you do have a choice. if anyone knows about having a choice, it's you, peridot. 8:30 - bye. again. once more. 8:45 - peridot, claim it for yourself. 9:07 - yay, standing up for earth! 9:20 - honestly, there was no good time to tell you 9:48 - "I think we can win. I think you can win." 9:58 - "No." 10:03 - Oh good, shaded eyes Lapis. 10:12 - Uhh... 10:25 - Bye. Again. 10:45 - Aww, Peridot's moving back into the bahtroom. 10:58 - That's the saddest wow thanks ever. 11:07 - And still no Connie. 11:12 - "What do we do now?" is basically a shoe-in as always the saddest possible last line of a TV episode.

IMMEDIATE THOUGHTS: She'll be back. She always is. This time, not for Earth, and not for Steven, but for Peridot. I don't know how or when, but Peridot is going to get through to Lapis and get her to come back. On another point, it is now officially time to start worrying about Connie. Has Steven tried calling her parents just to make sure she is OK? Did Lion ever come back? Peridot was definitely trying everything she could think of to get Lapis to stay or at least think about it, but it seems even if she had started out with "I'm not going", that wouldn't have been enough to convince her. We've now seen Steven interact with several different groups in the direct aftermath of the Aquamarine kidnappings: the townies, his family, and the adopted Homeworld gems. I don't know if there's plot space for another group, or whether we'll now have gems and Peridot playing off each other. In any event, I don't think we're going to see the Diamonds (or their representatives) attack by the end of this block. One way or another, Connie is coming back into the picture soon, and I expect fireworks. The TV show I most closely associate with the phrase "What do we do now?" is Sliders. After being screwed by multiple networks in a way that might even make an SU fan say "Wow, that's terrible", the show ended on a cliffhanger with one character traveling alone back to what he hoped would be his home planet. He and his fellow travelers had been warned by a fortune-teller that if they went, they would die. After the one guy goes by himself, everyone else stands around for a few seconds. The fortune-teller dies. One character asks "So... what do we do now?" Another says "I don't know." And the show ended forever. Thankfully we don't have to worry about that. (yet)

Second watch notes:

Steven. Buddy. I know you're sad, but dragging your ukulele through the sand cannot be good for its sound. Also, I wonder where he was gonna go with that song. I read/heard some speculation about the meaning of "I wish I could tell you..." but none of it landed on "She's just not answering the damn phone."

Happy Lappy is always great, but blushing Lapis is also cute. It's a shame that it didn't last.

Lapis knew that Steven had been to Homeworld and back, but it wasn't until he mentioned that he'd specifically met with the Diamonds, and specifically BLUE Diamond, that she went full-speed "fuck this shit i'm out"

Peridot's desperate bargaining might have worked if not for Lapis's "FINE WE'RE BRINGING F*CKING EVERYTHING" attitude (and the ability to do it).

Reminder to all: Lapis does not give two tenths of a shit for the Crystal Gems as a whole. She was ready to leave with just Peridot, and considered it a bonus when Steven showed up (presuming he'd come with), but she would not exert any effort to save Garnet, Pearl, or Amethyst (no matter how much fun it was to act like her).

I wish Peridot had reacted, even just flinched, to Lapis saying "This is different. Steven is important."

"They would upset you, so in general, I don't say those things." "Peridot, that's lying!" Useful relationship advice. Supporting your partner's well-being is one thing, but continually suppressing your own self to do so doesn't help either of you.

Steven is me any time two of my friends are arguing. It's awkward as hell, and I just want to be not there.

I haven't had the opportunity to point out the soundtrack for these episodes, but right as we see Lapis' shaded eyes, we hear one of the most iconic leitmotifs in all of the show: four ascending notes, then four descending notes, hearkening all the way back to "Mirror Gem". To Lapis's tortured past. It's unmistakable, it's one of my favorite instrumental pieces.

Lapis looking back and then moving on has nearly brought me to tears each time I've watched it so far. When she said back in "Same Old World" that that's just how it is with her, she wasn't wrong.

Christ almighty, this is a depressing ending. Just a brutal gutpunch.

[cmetznerdotcom]

Gorillaz : Humanz (review.)

Okay so I’m gonna be completely real with you here, this band is very...existing. Like this band exists, that’s all they are to me. They don’t make me go ape shit, or disappoint me, they are just SO in the middle that the reason I’m listening to them is because they are the new hot thing these days. That’s not to disregard their talent, it’s an incredibly talented band and I can respect the time I’m sure it took to plan and create this album. I guy at work told me their album “The Fall” was entirely created on an iPad while on tour. Like hot damn that’s some fucking skill, I try to make art on the go and it sucks. So much respect. 

So anyways, here’s my completely non-biased review as someone who just basically is listening to this album so I can say I did.

Intro : I switched my robot off: That wasn’t an intro. It was a sentence that they dedicated an entire separate track to.

Ascension: The rapper guy was super repetitive and it got annoying after he said the chorus the 85th time. His rapping was rather poppy and alright though so I ain’t trippin’ too much, The main Gorillaz singer maybe had like 2 bars to sing which was neat. He’s the main reason I listen to them, wish I had more but oh well.

So far at this point I’m gonna say this was a pretty weak opening to the album.

Strobelite: I’ll give this one a solid 6/10. I dug the chorus and it kept me interested, it didn’t really follow any standard. I have no clue who the singer is.(Where the hell is the main guy, that’s why I’m here. Shit) Anyways, it was catchy but I couldn’t relate with the lyrics. No biggie, it ain’t for everyone.

Saturnz Barz: Oh cool, another random guy that isn’t the lead singer. The chorus was pretty dope, but I couldn’t understand any of the verse for the life of me. Not to be racist or whatever but I struggled HARD to keep up with this guy. OH THERE’S THE MAIN SINGER!!! YEAH!!! YOU GO 2D!!! Wow, I liked his little bit. MORE OF THAT PLEASE. Okay I’ll say this is my favorite so far, this is a pretty good one.

I guess I should add that I’m listening to this album AS I’m writing this so it could be my most raw emotions on it.

Momentz: Okay, this is Gorillaz. I’m FEELIN the beat, it slaps pretty hard. This verse sounds like it could be Russell, I’m diggin it! This is some real Kid Cudi shit right here, I’d say. Still it’s better then everything else that featured some random artist.

Interlude: The Non-Conformist Oath: These skits can just be at the beginning of the song, it doesn’t need to be a dedicated track. I WILL say the ending of it was pretty hilarious.

Submission: This lady is GOOD! Admittedly though I have a soft spot for like any female singer I guess so there’s a bit of biased in that. I will add that this like isn’t Gorillaz at all. This sounds like some random obscure shit I would come across browsing through the new releases section on Spotify. Oh yeah and the rap part was pretty annoying.

Charger: The rise of this song is SOOOO hype. This is song number 2 that actually sounds like Gorillaz and I’m kinda iffy with it. This song really screams “experimental” to me, it seems like the band tried a bunch of different shit with this one. It doesnt follow any formula which I like, it keeps you on your toes, but at the same time has VERY repetitive style.

Interlude: Elevator going up: Seriously, this is a 4 second track. Quit it, you’re just making it a separate track so you can say you have MORE tracks on the album.

Andromeda: Scratch that, this is my new favorite track. It highlights everything I like about Gorillaz. I find nothing wrong with this one, good, chill stuff.

Busted and Blue: I love this one also! These seems like their ballad, which is completely fair. It follows a really nice somber tone of which I could totally see myself walking down a rainy street mourning the death of a loved one while listening to this. Scratch that last one, THIS is my favorite. (You’re going to have to deal with this a lot seeing as I’m writing this WHILE giving it my first listen.

I realize I’m not reviewing the lyrical content as much, which I know for Gorillaz is important but I’m kinda trying to just capture the entire essence of the song itself before diving into story content and perception of the message.

Interlude: Talk Radio: These interludes are completely pointless to me.

Carnival: CLASSIC GORILLAZ LAUGH! Theeeen the rest of the song is forgettable. C’mon, don’t do that iconic laugh before basically someone ELSES song.

Let Me Out: Oh damn this rapper is actually super hella sick. I don’t understand this gospelly take they approached. 2D’s bit in this song those is very good aswell as the small beat breaks whispering “Let me out.” You can totally hear the angst. I think this would have gone perfectly with that laugh at the beginning of that last failure of a track. All in all though good stuff, not a favorite but it’s up there.

Interlude: Penthouse: Something DIDN’T happen in that interlude. Much like all of the rest.

Sex Murder Party: This song made me realize this entire album is a huge change from the stuff I usually know from them. It’s so like 80′s calm. It seems like something you’d hear walking down a rainbow colored lit alleyway. Like remember in Batman (Forever I think?) When Robin and Batgirl were like doing that weirdass motorcycle race bit through the neon colored alleyway? If we could hear the radio, this album would be playing.

She’s my Collar: There are so many artists on this album, I was talking to my pal Ryan who said this was more a compilation album then an actual Gorillaz album and I got agree with him. 2D has like 4 actually verses on this entire album and it’s infuriating. Anyways, this song was nothing special which I why I didn’t really review this song and took the time to just give my temporary full album review instead.

Interlude: The Elephant: Ugh.

Hallelujah Money: This is very not Gorillaz but I remember hearing this single when it first came out and watching the video and totally appreciated how weird they wanted to make their first single. This is probably the most powerful song on the album which I can respect. This is the kind of song that is weird enough to fit on any Gorillaz album, the only problem is this entire album is basically full of songs like this which just makes it a weird compilation of bizarre messages delivered by artists that aren’t the ACTUAL Gorillaz.

We Got The Power: This didn’t effect me to much, I liked it! It was just one of those filler Gorillaz songs but DID convey a pretty inspiring message, lyrically.

Interlude: New World: Oh my god, this interlude was actually really good and well placed. It FELT like an actually track with content and NEEDED to be separate from the others. Why couldn’t all the other pointless Interludes be this in depth?

The Apprentice: There’s that laugh, this better be dope. I’m loving the subtle hints of 2D in the background and the variety of styles on it despite my opinion about them featuring 80 thousand different artists. it works here. 

Halfway to the Halfway House: Something I DO commend Gorillaz on is that they can make music out of instrumentals that barely even have a coherent melody in it. Like this instrumental is completely whack, but they totally made it work with the actual vocals. There was a complete switch up halfway through the song which made me hate how it ended.

Out of Body: This...this song is cool. It still follows my Batman Forever theme, but this feels like a song I’ve never heard before, which I like. The female rap singer on this is AMAZING. Which i suppose is an upside for them featuring all these people. Either way I loved this song it was good.

Ticker Tape: Ok so now I’m assuming this song is beginning the outro of the album. I’m okay with it, it’s a really turned down feeling of serenity. Sung by 2D. This album made me realize I wish 2D just put out a ballad album because the two ballad’s sung by him are my favorites on this entire album. The song keeps a very personal tone through out the whole this. This especially is a really good descent into completing Humanz story.

Circle of Friendz: And here we are. The end. I liked that this felt kinda like a continuation of the last song which is what I feel like it SHOULD be. This album ended on a MUCH stronger note then it opened on. I feel like I went on a Journey with the Gorillaz and this is the part where they walk into the glowing sunrise together. Even though it was the same sentence over and over and over again, it was well placed. Mostly because it wrapped up the entire album into a grand boxes of Adventure, estrangement, and small failures.

All in all, it was worth the time to listen. Good job Gorillaz, you made a pretty 6.5/10 album. I only rated it this low because it featured way too many artists. I felt like this was more a group wide adventure where you cameo’d once in a while instead of YOUR adventure. When you DID make a cameo, it was amazing. So you had that for ya! Alright, there’s my review. Cya.

[hilmaafklint]

ditches and cars

how crashing my car led to me telling will toledo about my love of twin fantasy: An Emotional Journey™

(this is by no means intended to be like. compellingly written or even fully coherent and i haven’t edited it at all but I just wanted to have a record of this Wild 2 days of my life)

It was monday morning and I had a cold and it was six thirty and I hadn’t had any coffee. I backed around the corner of my driveway and put my car in the ditch with a wheel off the ground. I called triple a and then (after sitting on my porch and weeping for a respectable period  of time) went inside and painted while I listened to KEXP and waited for the tow truck. 

John Richards played fill in the blank followed by the this must be the place cover and it felt like a sign. He said there was a CSH keep session the next morning and I said to my mom i’ve never seen them live, i feel so trapped on this island and she said your dad will never go for it, you just backed your car into a ditch so i dropped it.

The next morning we were driving to school early and I said hey remember how i dropped the car seat headrest thing? and she turned to me and said fuck it it’s okay if you go, we just won’t tell your dad. We drove home and I threw on some makeup and replaced the schoolwork in my backpack with an eileen myles book and my wallet and a granola bar. She dropped me off at the ferry and I walked on the 8:45 while I was supposed to be in pre-calc.

I got to KEXP around 9:35. Tickets weren’t released til 10:45 so I got a hot chocolate and sat down and tried to read eileen myles but mostly just played solitaire so I could move my hands. My mom emailed Cheryl Waters to let her know I was there and so she came out to meet me and took me to the desk and said this is my friend Lucy, please make sure she gets tickets and have her come in the booth after the performance and I was like Wow OK!!!! I went to sit back down and i looked up and she and john were on-air discussing her friend’s kid who had skipped school and taken a ferry to come to this show and I realized that this was probably one of the weirdest days of my life.

I made friends with a really nice girl who’d just graduated college and was about to move to new york (I think her name was allie or s/t with an a? hi if ya see this!!!). I got my ticket, #37 out of 75. I paced and ate a granola bar. I was fourth in line to go into the studio. I got a spot front and center.

Watching a KEXP live show is a weird experience in that you can’t really dance or sing along, you just stand there with the biggest grin on your face. The only noise anyone makes is laughter, and when you’re invited to laugh, it feels like a dam breaks. The rest of the time you’re just watching the band, and glancing at the people around you to say is this really happening, can you believe it. 

The video should be on the KEXP site in a few weeks, and I’m so excited to see it again. Watching Ethan play guitar up close was amazing. Will moves like a david lynch character. They played Vincent, Destroyed By Hippie Powers, Cosmic Hero and Connect The Dots. Will dove into the strings of lights. I don’t wanna say much more about it bc I’m so excited for everyone to see it but it was beautiful.

After the show, I went back to the desk and the lady from before let me into the booth. Cheryl showed me how everything worked (while I was in there she played Lucy Dacus, Tacocat, Frankie Cosmos, and Clap Your Hands Say Yeah and I didn’t realize til I got home and looked at the playlist but what a kind thing to do) She told me to hang out in a chair because the band was coming in in a few minutes. As soon as I sat down will and andrew and ethan and seth walked through the door. They all shook my hand and everyone was so nice. Cheryl had me jump in for one of the promo pics. We stood around and talked about the show for a few minutes (I remember everything we talked about but I’m gonna keep it to myself because I need something to hold on to). 

They were walking out the door and I turned to Will and said hey thanks so much for twin fantasy. That album means a lot to me and it’s basically what’s gotten me through high school. and he said hey thanks and then we shook hands and then we hugged and he said should we shake hands? should we hug? i don’t know.

He left. I hung out with Cheryl for a few more minutes and thanked her a million times. I left the studio and called my mom and caught the ferry and went back to high school and pretended none of it happened but now I knew that escape was possible.

(a few notes: this was january 10th. cheryl waters is the kindest woman of all time. endless thanks to @beachdeath for turning me onto the CSH back catalog early last year and for continuing to encourage me to write this all up!!! and of course thanks to will and andrew and ethan and seth, four incredibly kind people who’ve helped me more than they can know) 

[britneyreviewed-blog]

“Womanizer”

Reclaiming Sexiness, Success, and Sanity in a Postfeminist World

Released: 10/3/2008 Directed by Joseph Kahn Rating: 4.5/5

Click here if you want to read last week’s review of “Toxic.”

I think I’ll try to update this blog once a week, on Thursdays. Based off Wikipedia, she has about 40 music videos, so this will keep me busy for almost a year. Great!

Today’s video is Womanizer. It’s from her 2008 album Circus. I was never a huge fan of this song, especially at the time it came out, but I like it more now. I chose this one not realizing that 1) like “Toxic,” it was directed by Kahn and 2) it’s basically one big homage to Toxic! Forget the John Woo references, this is one big allusion to the costume-filled super villain plot I talked about in the last post and I love it! This time, it’s a lot more coherent but because of that, less kooky and less fun. That being said, there’s FOUR characters/costumes (including a Red-Hair Hot Mama!) and Britney (playing/wearing all of them of course) is once again cast in an antagonistic role of revenge, as well as some other Easter eggs from “Toxic.” More on all that later.

Before we dive in, let’s go over the background. I couldn’t find a making of video this time, which was kind of a bummer. According to Wikipedia, Britney once again wrote the plot, apparently conceiving of it as a “sequel” to the Toxic video. Kahn saw it as an opportunity to improve upon what was, let’s face it, (I say with love!) a pretty technically incompetent effort.

“Womanizer” to many critics seemed to be a comeback for Britney’s image. 2008 came after 2007—well duh, but you know what I mean when I say 2007 when talking about Britney Spears. It’s depressing to read, but critics praised her for essentially not being “ugly” anymore. I’m more than down with the fem shaved head aesthetic, but a lot of people aren’t, and this was 10 years ago. I guess a lot of people were disgusted by her post-baby body too, because a lot of reviews focused on how great her body looked, particularly in the sauna scenes. That being said, that was actually Britney’s goal in doing those scenes and this video overall. She and Kahn wanted to show the world that she was back to her normal Sexy Fit Pop Star self. It’s postfeminist—this focus on sexiness and success in ways that are still highly normative/conservative and yet are seen as powerful… But at the same time, at least she had some control over her image. She used “Womanizer” to look exactly the way that she wanted to look. There’s a lot of value in that.

Alright, let’s get started.

The intertitle is 100% repurposed from “Stronger”—Britney’s name and the song title appear on a dark background with sounds of thunder. We then are brought into the Sauna, where Britney lies on naked on this bench in a way that is def not comfortable. Those pointed toes?! 

Sauna Britney recalls Diamond Britney from “Toxic”—it’s visually similar as she’s all shiny and naked and it also serves the same purpose, which is to be intercut throughout the video with zero impact on the narrative/diegetic world.

Then we meet Housewife Britney. I died at how cute she is cooking eggs. That wink!

Y’ALL. Are you seeing this?!

The video wastes no time in getting ridiculous. I guess it’s pretty kooky still after all. First, Britney serves up these square eggs to the Womanizer.

OK. Then there’s an extended 3-second long shot of the Womanizer’s phone:

For real. We’re off to a great start!

After a super unflattering and poorly done CGI (reminiscent of when Britney rips that nerdy guy’s face off in “Toxic”) Salior Moon transformation-esque shot of the Womanizer getting dressed, he’s off to work. At the office, there’s a seductive black-haired lady seductively drinking from a water fountain. What could her true identity be...?

A choreographed group dance scene kicks off in the office and I find my attention drifting. I realize that a lot of Britney’s music videos are gonna have stuff like this, so I better get used to it. But I think that’s part of what made “Toxic” so bizarre and wonderful, its commitment to cinematic atmosphere despite genre conventions.

It’s pretty normal for directors nowadays to turn music videos into ultra artsy short films and music videos themselves are seen more and more as a legitimate art form—Gia Coppola comes to mind—but that probably wasn’t the case for pop music videos in 2004 or even in 2008. The cinematic aspect is toned down in “Womanizer,” which makes the visual narrative simpler but less intriguing. That being said, it’s much more successful in terms of communicating its message.

I do appreciate that some of the employees remain diligently at their desks while their coworkers are cutting a rug.

This is also the point in the song where Britney sings the lines “You call me crazy / I got you/r crazy.” Websites that have the lyrics are conflicted over whether or not it’s “I got you crazy” or “I got your crazy.” Ableist implications of using “crazy” colloquially aside (or rather, I think it’s more nuanced in this case), I hear it as and prefer it as “your.” It’s like when Taylor Swift wrote “Blank Space” as a response to how often the media portrayed her as flighty and boy-obsessed and vengeful. She poked fun at herself while also reclaiming the narrative on her love life. Britney is reclaiming not only her image but her sanity too. Like, “Yeah, 2007 happened, and things got pretty wild, and you all thought I was done-zo. But you haven’t seen anything yet!”

The dance sequences treats us to this amazing shot of the Womanizer being a total doofus and then we’re off to the copy room.

There’s more Britney shoving the Womanizer around, but there are two standout moments in this sequence. First, Britney punches through a photocopy of her own butt:

Second, the nerdy guy from “Toxic” makes a cameo!!!!!!!!!

I was way too excited about recognizing him on my own.

It’s time for the Red-Hair Hot Mama to rear her red head. This time, she’s a tattooed waitress waiting for our two-timing Womanizer. By the way, are you guys sick of the alliteration stuff? Too bad, I don’t care.

More visual similarities to Toxic, in that she’s serving drinks like the stewardess was with the drink cart.

Then another dance sequence starts, this time with servers instead of office workers. It quickly transitions into this sort of orgy thing, and though it’s disappointingly hetero, it does make for some good stills.

Red-Hair Hot Mama and the Womanizer head to the kitchen for a quick romp and conveniently make out next to a plate of cherries. Britney does the whole tie-the-stem-in-a-knot thing, like we needed more proof that she’s a good kisser!!!

We then move into the penultimate act.

Britney is now a limo driver. She leans back and around and starts coming onto the Womanizer and there’s a shot of her steering with her high-heeled foot.

Wow!

The Womanizer starts getting worried and suspicious, because she just straight up sits in the backseat and now no one is driving! 

Is she trying to kill him or something?! Little does he know...

Turns out Red-Hair Hot Mama, the limo driver, and the office lady were really the same person all along! Except they really double down on the Sailor Moon thing and have them spin around and dissipate only to reform as Housewife Britney. I have to say, I like this fantasy explanation better than what “Toxic” provided us for all of Britney’s different appearances, which was literally nothing. Guess the Womanizer’s own spinning transformation in the beginning makes more sense now too.

She pushes him on the bed, and it’s starting to look a lot like “Toxic” again except in a new twist, her Sailor Guardians, I mean alter egos, appear and hold him down! 

The Womanizer proceeds to get beat down, and it’s a cool sequence because it flips back and forth between Housewife Britney beating him up alone...

...and then the alter egos sort of grabbing him and mussing up his suit, which is admittedly less satisfying.

The ending is surprisingly cute after that brutal ass beating. She blows him a kiss, flips the blanket over him, and then poof! He’s gone.

This was a great music video, and I think it contributed to me liking the song more. My favorite parts were definitely her cooking eggs, the photocopy butt punching scene, and the final showdown. It had a nice twist, with the semi-fantasy element, and wrapped up the narrative nicely. The cutesyness of the blanket-flipping resolution and the video’s general campiness had a refreshing amount of self-awareness. I like the idea that Britney felt beautiful in this video, that she felt that this was a representation of her beauty, because she was also very silly in it. I can see it as a comeback, but not for some bullshit reason like she got skinny or “less crazy” or something, but more because she seems genuinely comfortable with herself in this video.

Man, I’m getting way more invested in these videos than I thought I would. For real.

I rate it 4.5 out of 5, deducting half a point because the choreographed scenes, especially the waitress one, bored me. Also everything’s made up and the points don’t matter.

Thanks for reading! Tune in next Thursday for my entry tentatively titled “‘From The Bottom Of My Broken Heart’: Britney is Cinderella / Britney is the Devil.” 

Resources “Womanizer” official video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NCI-HquDhw “Womanizer” Wikipedia page: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Womanizer_(song)

[cosmosogler]

hi guys. it is 10:50 again. i’m doing a good job of starting at 10 when my alarm to start writing goes off.

still sick. i actually got to see the doctor two hours after waking up and groggily calling them. so i had to hustle through my shower and over to campus. she said i just have a cold. she suggested i take sudafed, which clashes with one of my medications. i asked her if that would happen and she said probably, so i should take the smallest dose. 

when i got up to the pharmacy they said sudafed would interfere with that same medication and i was like “yes.” so i took one when i got to the office. it didn’t particularly hurt, but it also didn’t help much. i finished designing rubrics for my labs for the semester and filled out both my teacher evaluations. then i caught the bus over to my therapist’s office and we worked out some things to try to handle mom better.

i should... try new strategies, start boundary enforcement with a positive comment, and play dumb when she gets mad. like when mom says “you aren’t paying attention” i should say something like “wow, i am so glad that you are so in tune with me! i didn’t know i looked like that! thanks for letting me know, it’s so great that you can tell how i feel.”

think less passive aggressive and more... offputtingly positive.

or when i don’t want her to invade my space, saying something like “ok i am so glad we got to visit, i am going to be at the library for five hours, see you later!” over the phone or text at very short notice.

it seems kind of, deceitful i guess. shrewd? facetious, when it gets bad?

right up my alley!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

after my appointment i sat out on the clinic’s front porch and petted the outdoor cat, angelo. he is a devout follower of the “if i fits, i sits” mentality. i crouched down to greet him when he ran over and then he just jumped right up on my legs while i was squatted. i had to move him over to the porch so i could sit properly. he got burrs all over me but he was very, very happy to have someone scratch his ears. when i had to get up to catch the bus, i was trying to ease him off my lap, but even when i was about 80% of the way to standing straight up he just didn’t want to get off my lap. 

eventually i got him to slide off and he immediately started lounging on the ground instead. i scratched him behind the ear one last time to let him know i wasn’t mad or anything and then i left. he seemed fairly young.

after that, harrison, jennica, and i went to thai food for dinner. i had a good time but jennica seemed to be under the impression that her meal lacked any flavor. harrison tried it and he said it tasted fine so i don’t know what was going on there.

driving back home was a little rough for me. i was so drowsy. i was also exhausted from trying to talk to jennica for such an extended period of time. she has a very different humor to me and harrison. like, he and i would be going back and forth about something dumb and she’d interrupt us to say we were wrong and then tell us exactly what the point of our jokes had been.

we got on the topic of dogs and i was talking about greyhounds (because eve is halffffff-greyhound?) and she kept interrupting me to tell me i was wrong. i said “greyhounds are a bunch of couch potatoes” and she said “no” and i said “yes” and we went back and forth for a while before she finally said “no because otherwise they wouldn’t be called greyhound buses.” 

harrison and i kind of looked at each other before he told her they are only fast in races and are generally low energy. 

i was getting super tilted though because, like, eve is a greyhound mix? i know about greyhounds?? does she think i’m dumb or something??? 

why wouldn’t i research the breed of dog i have adopted????

she also argued that purebreeds only have as many medical problems as every other dog as they get older. i was gonna explode. i said “i have a lot of feelings” but i probably should have clarified that i have a lot of angry feelings about pedigree breeding.

i also got kinda... let down by suzanne today. i am having so much trouble focusing, when i was semi-complaining about it to harrison later i wasn’t even that coherent or able to hold together a chronological narrative. basically last night i asked if i could talk to her a bit today because i’ve been feeling REALLY bad at night. she said yeah, and then today she let me know when she’d be available after i brought it up again. so i started talking about it a little bit (over text, she has left town) and i got no response for hours. when i had to leave for therapy i said i would be unavailable for several hours and suzanne said “no worries” while i was traveling. i saw the message later. she said to let her know when i wanted to talk.

so on the way back while riding the bus i tried again and got no response. i still haven’t gotten a response. 

when i was telling harrison i said “this is why i have trust issues” but it did really sting. as i get older i have less and less patience for flaking. and i had about 0 patience for flaking at around the time i realized glenn had lied to me and was not actually going to ever call me back when i was five years old.

glenn is my biological father. i figured, much later, that it was probably really awkward to call the kid of your ex girlfriend. but like, grandma pearl and grandpa al managed it.

the point is that people i rely on have been leaving me for over 20 years now and i don’t like it when it keeps happening.

it’s not that she was busy. she specifically said when she was available and then when i felt hurt about being ignored she acted like i was apologizing to her.

it hurts more than it did earlier. maybe it’s too late at night to be dwelling on painful things. it’s so easy to get upset when i should be going to bed. then i have to choose between trying to talk to someone and keeping us both awake too long, or trying to go to bed while i still feel awful. which is why i wanted to talk to someone in the first place!! and suzanne OFFERED!!!!!!!

ughhhhhhhhhhhh mom and my brother are coming in tomorrow. i’m probably really stressed about that. it might be what’s making everything else so much harder than normal. it’s easy to blame mom for not being able to do my homework though. it’s the easy thing to do. is it the right thing to do?

something positive... i was able to see the doctor right away and i don’t have anything serious. she said it looks like it’s just a persistent cold. she said if i still feel bad in two weeks to come back in. i said if i still feel bad in two weeks i’m not going to be in very good shape for finals. she said not to think like that. i don’t know how else to think about it.

and i got more exercise today finally. i biked a little bit extra since i had to get to the therapist’s office. and i went up to 7th gear on the way home! i’ve been sticking to 6 or below since getting the bike. i hop up into the third grouping sometimes but it’s a little different from going to 7th. i’m not sure how but it does feel different. the bike complains a lot more i guess haha.

i don’t feel more tired though. the drowsiness from dinner has worn off mostly. i want to sleep but my brain is amped up and super agitated. mood swings... good times. yes. definitely good times.

i didn’t get any homework done today, but i did two things that needed to be done. the course evaluations and the grading rubrics. homework maybe tomorrow, not sure. i didn’t bring any home. i knew i wasn’t going to get any done and i didn’t have the strength to bring extra weight up the hill with me this evening. 

(but you had the strength to get up to seventh gear.)

i successfully spoke with mother over the phone this evening and didn’t get my jimmies rustled when she brought up dad. i just ended the conversation within one sentence of her bringing him up haha. i’m a little proud of myself for that. and i did actually go do the thing i had excused myself for so it wasn’t a total lie. 

AND i took out the trash and did the god dang dishes and threw out my pasta salad that i didn’t eat this week. it wasn’t that good... and i haven’t been eating much.

i wish i got a real break. thanksgiving is “manage mom” time. i am trying to wrench it away from her and back toward “homework catch-up adventure” but i know that the stress and worry on the backburner are going to severely cut my ability to knock out assignments at the rate that i need to.

it’s 11:25 so i gotta hurry up now. i want to make note of my dream even though i don’t have enough time to talk about it and i might not remember it enough to talk about it in detail ever. it prominently featured my sister and a broken building that was basically impossible to navigate. my sister was also a snake. but like one of those puffy snake toys. it’s called a magic twisty worm i guess? she had googly eyes and everything. but she was the length of my arm, and also we were in this horrible post-industrial tower of unfinished elevators and broken staircases that went nowhere and ramps that led to flat concrete walls and twisted metal and half-decayed sharp edges. we needed to get to the top but when we got there there was nothing there.