#healing from trauma fucking sucks lol

[monochromed-elf]

Random astro notes 1

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Take what resonates! I'm no professional astrologer.

These observations are made from my experiences.

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✮⋆｡ 6h Jupiter and easily gaining weight. especially if you're also Jupitarian.

✮⋆｡ 6h Jupiter also makes you suck at managing your time and tasks (Overly optimistic about it).

✮⋆｡ Again, my experience with 6h Jupiter and being called big animals.

✮⋆｡ Cancer Mercury and what is that handwriting of yours omg I'm sorry you're getting complaints about it😭 I can understand a doctor's paracetamol but not your hello.

✮⋆｡ Cancer/4h Lilith, your mother is most likely to hate on your friend with a Cancer stellium/prominent Cancer placements for no reason whatsoever. Especially if the friend is healing your mommy issues. Your mother will automatically think they're brainwashing you.

✮⋆｡ 4h Lilith also means you always try to save your mother. Don't do it. Stop that. Because she won't appreciate your attempts and will side with what hurts her! Learn that she's not your responsibility.

✮⋆｡ I feel like Gemini Mars will certainly space out during anything sexual, literally getting railed while thinking of taxes or whatever is going on. It's definitely the ADHD lol.

✮⋆｡ Gemini Venus please stop accidentally flirting with us, oh and the mixed signals.

✮⋆｡ Heavy water placements but with an Aries Moon can give off the vibes of the therapist friend with heavy random outbursts when they're tired of therapitizing everyone. Especially if Moon conjuncts Uranus.

✮⋆｡ All of the Capricorn Moons I know have heavy sociopathic traits.

✮⋆｡ Meanwhile Aquarius Moons can't stop blaming body chemicals for their emotions (dopamine and all of that).

✮⋆｡ "Choose the person who has your Moon sign as their Venus sign" is actually true. But it won't last long (maximum 2 years) and you both will become strangers. (unless you both meet daily or live together).

✮⋆｡ Mars conjunct Saturn will make you like BDSM a lot.

✮⋆｡ 4h Chiron, please do not create a family UNLESS you are healed. You'll traumatize all of your kids but fucking be an angel parent to other families. Similar with 5h Chiron but it's mostly with kids.

✮⋆｡ 4h/5h Chiron could be an indicator of being a narcissistic parent too. I'm indeed traumatized.

✮⋆｡ Always remember that Neptune=Delulu. Be careful where it is, it's both a blessing and a curse.

✮⋆｡ A close person's Venus in your 12h and omg they fucking appear in your dreams.

✮⋆｡ 9h Saturn are one of the most closed minded people I've ever met. They are seriously unable to see other perspectives.

✮⋆｡ The Sun House shows you how you treat your own dad. 11h sun: your friend, 10h: your boss, 4h: an actual parent Imao. It also can show why your dad loves or hates you because of such status: "I'm your dad stop treating me like a: (11h) friend/(3h) older brother/(5h) kid".

✮⋆｡ Fire IC/4h ruled by a fire sign is really a strong indicator of a bad family.

✮⋆｡ 3h Saturn natives bond by talking shit about their siblings.

✮⋆｡ 3h Saturn also might indicate having a loud voice (especially with prominent air signs placements).

✮⋆｡ 3h Uranus and yes 90% chance your siblings were unexpected, or you may have an unexpected story of a sibling (like you had a sibling that died before you or smth wild).

✮⋆｡ I find that Lilith/Chiron placements are so...damn, similar. Except that Lilith is horny and Chiron is actually serious about the problem lol. An example: 9h Lilith might fetishize their religious trauma/an experience with a foreigner. While 9h Chiron will be disgusted and crying and trying to fix fix fix. Lilith needs to be embraced as it is, Chiron actually needs the fucking healing instead.

✮⋆｡ One vs one opposite Nodes will either fix or ruin your life. For example you're an Aries North Node. A Libra North Node will be quite the teacher for you.

✮⋆｡ 5h/7h stelliums have the juiciest stories about their love life. But 7h is more likely to give you great advice about love lol.

✮⋆｡ Pluto conjunct Ascendant is very likely to look young compared to their age (my bestie being called a high schooler while she's in college damn).

✮⋆｡ Give a 3h Neptune alcohol and watch them become a professional poet and creatively high (Like those old Chinese/Arabic/Persian poets lol).

✮⋆｡ Neptune conjunct Ascendant, always seen as lazy and sleeps a lot.

✮⋆｡ Cancer/Pisces Mars can be actually super violent and not the usual passive aggressive shit. Especially in men.

✮⋆｡ (Vedic!) We always hate the type of men/women with our DK planet energy somehow (But we end up being really good with them). Mercury DK hates young and childlike people. Venus DK hating overly romantic and artistic people. It's life's way of saying SIKE—

✮⋆｡ Having the South Node in a sign and someone having a stellium/prominent placements of such sign (like, you being Leo South Node and you meet someone with Leo Stellium). Please run away from them. Early meetings and encounters with them feel like heaven but will slowly ruin you.

✮⋆｡ The same goes with your Rising Sign. If someone's stellium/prominent placements is in the same sign as your rising. The stellium person will be better than you at the things the sign values and your rising will become bitter. It'll be ugly. Go for people with your descendant's energy.

Thank you for reading💜

@monochromed-elf

[evilminji]

Question! Because it's bugging me!

But also... COULD it work?

Tianlang-jun. The mountain.

A tragedy of many parts.

The man is stuck, in pain, but he is a full blooded Heavenly "Not Even The God's Could Kill Us" Demon. So? His death is slow. A chipping away of ten million life points, one by one. Effective, yes, BUT...?

Only so long as he's IN the Seal... right?

His power is locked away. Stopped. In a "pinned down and AOE" Sort of way. Because anything DIRECTLY effecting? His body will laugh derisively at, then fuckin EAT.

But! He can't HEAL inside that Seal. So the chip effect IS gonna take him out. Eventually.

Is it Cruel? Very. But it's effective.

However!!!

According to Shen Yuan? Luo Binghe has been able to heal from lost limbs, in PIDM. From, we can only assume, getting stabbed through vital organs. All while being? HALF his father's blood... and a FUCKING BABY in comparison to experience.

Tianlang-jun has been rocking around for A WHILE.

Theoretically?

You COULD...? Cut him in half.

He'd fuckin walk it off. I'm completely serious. After all, so long as his HEAD and preferably his heart were in tact? Meh. It'll SUCK... but he just needs food, rest, and A LOT of QI.

Now, I'm not saying it'd be as "lol, you thought that'd WORK?" As it normally would be. He's been fucked up pretty bad. His health is delicate right now. (For the given quality of that) But like?

Collect the blood he IS bleeding. Put it under stasis, in a demonic Qi rich environment. Prep a medical bay of sorts. Bring him MEDICINE while he's IN the seal to boost him. Good ol clean water, food, and keep him up to date on the plan etc.

Then get HIS help? To cut him in half. As close to the crush point as possible! The trapped him under a mountain. Yes. His power doesn't work. EXTERNALLY. But can it work INTERNALLY? Can he prepare, mentally, for it to START working? Keep his blood from LEAVING the half that contains his brain?

Don't fall asleep, you Majesty. You need to make your own circulatory system until your lower half heals enough to have veins again.

And "oh no! The seal won't let us carry him out!"? Pssssh. You are like BABIES.

Side Step that Fucker! Who ever said we were going through the front door? We make our own rules in THIS house!

Get in the Qiankun pouch, your Majesty!

The we either run like we totally just alerted those gold wearing bastards to our jail break (cause we probably did) OR we go through the teleport method of your choice! To the medical bay. Where Tianlang-jun gets a nice, emergency, talismans(sry, I know you hate them and probably now have trauma) cleaning, and gets lovingly dumped into the blood tub.

Of blood! You know... HIS blood. The blood we saved (and Qi soaked) from him!

Have some steak. Looooots of steak, your Majesty. Mmm, those muscles repairing red meats! Bone too. Qi for days. No, no, you sit your ass back down! Healing first. THEN vengance!

@mayfay @legitimatesatanspawn @spidori @babbling-babull @hdgnj

[peachesofteal]

hi it's um, ms. clit slurp back, I guess, why wasn't I more normal last time omg. I'm about to reread and catch up on Raspberry Girl and I'm pumped. Was inspired to come back and start to "count the ways" when I began rereading the first chapter - two parts in particular. The beginning section before he introduces our girl, and then his conversation with John fuck god help me John Priceineedhimineedhim and how dare you pick that name for his wife ma'am that's literally m-. These parts illustrate (beautifully and so sexily, your ideas and your writing are both so sumptuously depraved) three of the things I adore so much about this characterization of Simon.

First, while the healed and strongly nurturing aspect of Captain Simon is kind of like best case scenario for his character, in general to me Simon Riley has always seemed so dominant and confident (here dominant can mean like kink specific or just like a stereotypically masculine, loving boyfriend). I do still enjoy reading some interpretations of him where he's not dominant/is neutral, is submissive, lacks confidence, avoids relationships, flounders passively into them, lets his feelings of unworthiness push love away, etc especially when he grows a bit to be a good partner and I get a happy ending because I'm a little baby. Because I can understand how canonically he probably doesn't have much romantic experience, wouldn't feel equipped to helm the ship of a healthy relationship. BUT based on how he's portrayed in the games, I have trouble seeing how (even with the trauma he has) a man as competent, confident, accomplished, unflinching, brave I need to stop before I actually start choking on it yikes as he is would walk away from something he wanted just because it was challenging. I can't see him finding a soft pretty thing he wants so bad and just being resigned to not conquer that mountain. I can see the argument for him thinking he sucks too bad to have something loving and I do find that endearing, but as I was recently discussing with @lisenberry about Simon and John, in my interpretation of canon and according to my personal pussy and heart they aren't good enough men to deny themselves what they need like that aka "give what's needed, get it for yourself" barkBarkBARKBARKBARKKKK.

Second or kind of building off of that, while I again understand characterizations of Simon to the opposite, your interpretation of Captain Riley as a man who craves and enjoys control is again aligned with how I perceived his characterization in the game, and what I enjoy the most. I'm familiar with the fact that people who come from abusive backgrounds like his family; trauma and hardship like his life generally; oppressive environments like the military; stressful environments like SAS; and those who are in positions of power often seek release through submission. BUT the way Lieutenant Riley seems in the game, he reads much more like the people who experience the aforementioned and end up being driven to SEEK control and revel in it. So again both because it's consistent with my interpretation of canon and what my parts personally enjoy, I love how you explain that Simon is exactly that way, and that instead of shying away from or being ashamed of his controlling drive he learned to develop it into something pleasurable in his personal life (I also always see John like this). And that John and Simon see their romantic relationships and their role within them to be similar to their military roles, wherein their strength, competence, and control are essential to a successful mission.

Third and finally for now is that this story perfectly illustrates why IMO the best fics with these men are always a tiny bit dark in that certain power dynamics and kinks are un- or under-negotiated. Again I was chatting about this with @lisenberry lol. It just feels realistic to me, consistent with the kind of men they are - the kind that are used to making difficult decisions and doing what is necessary without handwringing about morality. To me they seem like the kind of people that don't really see their kinks as their own demarcated zones with bylaws - I think they see it as "natural" if that makes sense. Not that they don't value consent, just that... things are best, safest, happiest, when their sweet lil things let daddy handle it, yanno? It's connected both to their egos and to their desperate need to protect and possess - they truly think that if they are the most qualified to "lead, decide, control" then why would anything need to be negotiated? It scratches at the part of my gender essentialism kink I'm a feminist but my pussy and womb are NOT.

Ugh okay I'm insane, love your writing, sorry I'm cluttering your inbox with my unhinged hyperfixations - I've been wishing I could just stop typing the whole time I've been typing but Raspberry Girl is me and I am she, so I'm sure I'll be back same time next week.

This was such a treat to read, thank you so much, I soaked up every word like a little sunflower in the summer.

I definitely agree with you on a lot of things too! 100% you nailed the perspective on Simon (and John), I can't even elaborate on it better than you have. And you're right, the kink is/will be under negotiated, Simon knows what's best and he'll make sure it's provided. I think a good example of this (and the dubious morality you mentioned) is him taking her home after the bar when she was drunk. Clearly, she had no idea what was going on, she was safe and cared for and loved. Simon exercises control in all aspects of his life, and some of those aspects are more pleasurable than others (raspberry girl) but it's an essential part of his being now. I also don't see Simon as a switch or sub, because that's not my cup of tea, and that's okay! I know there are beautiful stories out there with different dynamics, which is one of the coolest things about fanfic, you can take your dolls and do whatever you want with them.

Anyway, I loved this. I love hearing people's thoughts and opinions and character breakdowns, this was lovely. Thank you for taking the time to type it all out and send it!

[lobo-inu]

saw a post that reminded me of my really bad past experiences with tesblr, and how lucky i am to finally have a tes server that’s like…. actually safe. and full of people who are nothing but genuine. especially now that i’ve healed a lot, too.

i’ve heard SO MANY horror stories about rumors people in this fandom spread - and i’ve also been a victim of them too, lol. been called a scammer (was getting donations for a live saving surgery. thats it), a mysoginist (literally just explaining my mother-based trauma and being scared of adult women lol), and also like. had rumors go around about me apparently letting minors into an 18+ server. even tho i fucking hate interacting with minors online w a passion. i made a past server that was previously 15+ to 18+ and kicked all minors bc they could not fucking behave and respect boundaries.

oh, also pure ableism when it comes to a Very stigmatized diagnosis of mine. :| that was from the same person who called me a mysoginist. people over here making insane headcanons for me, i guess 😭

….so yeah. just awful, out of character shit going around.

i’ve lost a good few people i considered friends who were quick to listen to these rumors instead of just. idk. communicating with me.

this fandom irks me a lot with it’s behavior on a personal level beyond that, though. Skyrim had been one of my most intense hyperfixations since i was in a single digit age. so it sucks having such a hostile and drama-hungry community when all i wanna do is share OCs and shit.

this sounds fucking insane, but past experiences here have caused my anxiety disorder to skyrocket to such a drastically dangerous degree, so its kinda crazy that i’m even back here. typing this out is giving me chest pains lol. like this is probably one of the worst fandoms to get involved with

with that said, thank you @ the people who’ve made my return an enjoyable experience. and thank you to those who stuck around even after i left in 2023, and stuck by me and my honesty vs rumors. yall are the fucking real ones. and also the babygirls server, friends both new and old - i love u guys. thank yall for helping me continue this personal healing journey of mine (yall know what i’m referencing).

if anyone has had any ridiculous experiences here, do feel free to share 😭 cause i know i’m not the only one. also god i love the babygirls server. pls join the babygirls server

[thelittlestoflives]

Thank You

soooo i sort of have a whole backstory to the Unravelling the Mystery fic and i just thought welllll i might as well post that too lol!! (i actually have lots of parts and stories)

again, very new to fic writing and i've thrown in some y/n lore in there too!! it's so vulnerable and scary to post stuff you've written (again i suck at proofreading so forgive pls)

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sanji x strawhat!reader, or the story of how y/n became a strawhat and gravitated towards the chef

use of YN, afab reader

cw: stuff to do with horrible exes, forced eating of a devil fruit, being severely injured, slight angst to fluff but mostly fluff i think

wc: 2.7k

It was like a ritual. The breathing in the room evening out, slipping out from under the covers and creeping through the halls towards him. His arms were your salvation, every gentle kiss burning your skin with love, each touch so heavenly you could almost believe in a higher power.

You can barely remember how it began. It's like it's just always been this way.

But it wasn't.

Not when you were stuffed in that barrel, just you and the darkness and the splashing of the waves against the wood, the drip drip drip onto your already soaking clothes. You can't remember how you survived it, how you endured the minutes and the hours and the days you remained in there, physical wounds nowhere near the pain of the scarring on your soul.

And like words out of the holy texts, there was light. A piercing, bright light. But unlike the holy texts, soft mutters echoed in your ears.

"Shit. It's a girl."

"Dammit. So, it's not treasure?"

"She's injured."

"How long has she been in there?"

"Why does this always happen to us?"

“Get her out of there, for fuck’s sake! Why are you all just standing around?!”

Just like that, the light vanished and darkness returned.

When you came to you were in some sort of medical infirmary, the light streaming through the windows so intense that you could barely open your eyes. An assortment of smells hit your nose; disinfectant, bleach, salty sea air, and a bowl of rich chicken noodle soup that steamed as it sat on your bedside table.

Maybe that's when it started. The soup. You stared at it for god knows how long, tears streaming down your face at the act of kindness. The trauma of what you'd just been through vanished staring at that bowl, feeling the love of whoever made it poured into it. Your body had been wrapped in bandages and cleaned, and you wore soft pyjamas that weren't your own, your hair had been brushed, and someone had made you fucking chicken noodle soup.

A couple of days went by as your body slowly healed. The only interaction you had was with the ship's doctor as he tried to make you feel comfortable and safe. You didn't see any of the other crew, but each time you woke from a restless, haunted sleep, there was a steaming dish beside you. Before long, you were strong enough to walk around. Chopper held your hand as he led you above deck to meet the crew who sat around the kitchen table.

You felt shy and nervous. Sure, you'd spoken to pirates before, but always in a controlled environment, never on their turf.

But they were vastly different from the pirates you'd encountered, offering easy smiles and gentle words, coaxing you to tell them what had happened to you. You caught eyes with a man with a cigarette hanging casually out his mouth a couple of times, quickly looking away. Was this where it started?

You explained that you're a journalist on your home island. Or rather, were a journalist. Now? You were dust in the wind, not taking any sort of discernable shape, floating with no direction, no intention, nothing. You thought you had it all; a home, a job you loved, family, friends, and someone who you thought was the love of your life. In less than a week, it was gone.

You had been investigating a cult on your island and stumbled across a giant conspiracy involving the World Government. You had written a tell-all piece, ready to blow the whole damn thing wide open. But you made a mistake, you told your then-boyfriend about it. Turns out he wasn't who he said he was, he was one of them. Sent to keep an eye on the local journalists, he’d pretended to fall for you to keep you close. The cult that terrorised truth seekers from the shadowy underworld was an unstoppable and dangerous force and he was one of them.

They'd captured you, and when the darkness was lifted there was no heavenly bright light. Just a dank basement dimly lighting up your boyfriend's face, grinning from ear to ear as he told you in laborious detail what was about to happen to you. You would eat a Devil Fruit, they would drug you, and you would be forced to do their bidding. No choice, no control, this was it. They’d already done this to every other person who had been investigating them. They had a small army now, he informed you. An army of ‘nosey bastards who didn’t know what they were getting themselves into’. Despite your pleading, he laughed and said that you better get ready for what’s about to happen.

And so they did it. They had it all figured out. They forced you to eat the Devil Fruit, and as its powers flowed through your veins you realised that perhaps they didn’t have it all figured out after all. They didn’t account for the fact that you would be damned rather than be bested by a man.

Your powers erupted out of you, flowing with such a force that all you could do was let out a silent scream, as the shadows wrapped themselves around the foundations of the building they held you in and it collapsed into rubble. 

An arm roughly grabbed you, pulling you out of the wreckage. It had stuffed you in a barrel, and an unfamiliar voice hissed the words: “It’s better if they think you’re dead. If you survive, never return.” 

As soon as the last word of your tale left your mouth, a straw hat was placed on your head, and that’s how Luffy obtained another stray to add to his collection. You became the Strawhats’ Chronicler, your job was to forever immortalise the crew’s journey towards the One Piece and to document how Luffy became the King of the Pirates. Although it was a difficult adjustment at first, you became fast friends with the crew. Robin in particular was a huge help for you, as it was she who understood your plight the best.

Sanji kept his distance at first. You were so beautiful that he knew he wouldn’t be able to help himself from flirting, and that was probably the last thing you needed right now, so he resigned himself to being helpful in the background, finding out information about you from Robin and Nami and incorporating it into his cooking. But the two of you were like magnets, unexplainably drawn to one another and soon neither of you would be able to stay away.

You were ripped from your nightmare with such force that you shot upright, sweat dripping down your back. It was the same as always, but tonight you didn’t want to wake up Robin with your tears.

And that’s how you found yourself in the kitchen, face-to-face with a certain chef. He tried not to make a fuss as he saw your hunched, small frame in the doorway, tear-stained cheeks and sleepy eyes. Really, he did. But he’s only a man, after all. He gave you a warm hug and sat you down, making his own special sleepy tea (“I promise you, you will be knocked out after this. No bad dreams for our sweet Chronicler!”).

“I meant to say thank you,” you said quietly as you sipped your tea.

He arched an eyebrow, a gentle blush on his cheeks. “For?”

“The food. When I was in the infirmary, your food made me feel…” you trail off, suddenly embarrassed. 

“Made you feel what?”

You look up at him, an amused expression on his face. 

“Your chicken noodle soup made me cry,” you admit softly. “It was the first thing I saw when I woke up, and it’s my comfort food. And I cried. I was so touched that I forgot everything else. I can’t thank you enough for that. I could’ve lost my mind, but that small act grounded me.”

The blush was no longer gentle but furious as his eyes diverted from your face. “Ah. Well, it’s an honour to cook for a pretty girl like you, and even more so that it makes you feel something. So really, I should thank you for your high praises.” 

Your mouth twitched into a smile. “No, thank you!”

His mouth echoed yours. “No, no, thank you!”

And you continued like that, thanking each other more and more dramatically through laughs. The silliness wore off, and Sanji’s face turned slightly more serious.

“Look, I wanted to say something to you too,” he began. “I’m sorry that your ex betrayed you like that. No beautiful lady should ever have to suffer at the hands of a man, much less a man who should love her.”

You blink, suddenly remembering why it was you were here in the first place.

“It’s okay,” you say with a small shrug. “Well, no, it’s not okay but… I dunno. What else can I say? ‘My ex gave me up to an evil cult and altered my life forever and because of him my family think I’m dead and I didn’t even get the t-shirt’? I appreciate that though. I appreciate all of you.”

He blew air out of his nose softly as you tried to make light of what was clearly a horrific situation. 

“Well, if you ever need to talk, I’m here for you.” “Thank you, Sanji, same goes for you,” you smile.

He grins back. “No, no, no. Thank you!” 

You laugh and lightly hit his arm. “Cut it out or we’ll be here all night!”

His grin widens. “Maybe that’s what I’m trying to do.”

And maybe that’s where it starts. Those late nights in the kitchen when you both couldn’t sleep, sharing easy conversations and trying to make the other laugh. Warm mugs of tea and knees touching each other under the table. A bubble you created with just the two of you, a sacred space, with none the wiser as to these secret meetings of yours.

It would become routine for a couple of weeks. The nightmares jolt you awake, so you pad through to the kitchen for tea, smiles, and chats. 

“You know, I reckon you’re the beating heart of this crew,” you say as you blow on your tea to cool it down.

Sanji scoffs in derision. 

“No, I’m serious! If Luffy is the soul, then you’re the heart. I see everything you do for the crew, Sanj. You’ve got a kind soul.”

You wished you could frame the look on his face to cherish forever. A mix of gratitude, embarrassment, confusion, denial, and something else. Something you couldn’t quite place. 

“In saying that,” you continue, sipping on the now-cool beverage. “You look tired. If you’re looking after everyone else, who’s looking after you?”

He froze.

Your eyes are trained on his. “Look, there’s a reason we’re both here in the dead of night. You can’t sleep either, can you?” 

He looks down.

“Let me in, Sanj. Let me look after you.”

And he does. He tells you everything, and now the bond runs so deep you’re afraid. After all, the last person you fell in love with lied about it and broke your heart. You couldn’t take much more. But this was different, somehow.

Maybe it started the first night you slept in his arms. 

It was just a normal night. As usual, a nightmare ripped you from sleep. It was a particularly bad one this time, your cheeks wet with tears as you made your way to the kitchen. But when you got there, the lights were off. Panic clawed up through your chest. You’d come to rely upon the chef in the dead of night, and now that he wasn’t here, you were scared to face your demons alone. So, fuck it, you thought. I’ll just go to him.

The men’s quarters were loud. Zoro’s snores cracked through the room, and general grunts and smells and sleepy noises were prevalent, but it didn’t matter. He was there, and he would make you feel okay again.

And once you’d crawled in beside him, and his arms automatically wrapped around you, you knew that there was no going back. You woke up in your own bed, having slept soundly for the first time in weeks.

That night when you met in the kitchen, there was a slight awkwardness that hadn’t been there before.

He cleared his throat. “Did you, uh, did you sleep okay last night?”

“I did. Best I have in a while, really. I’m so sorry if I overstepped or-”

“No! No, I’m sorry for not being here at our usual time-”

“Don’t be stupid!”

“Thank you for-”

“Thank you for-”

You both stopped and he cleared his throat again, cheeks bright red.

“Well, honestly? That’s the best I’ve slept in a while too. So, thanks. And I…” He paused as if building up some courage. “I wondered if you would maybe want to… Do it again sometime. But, you don’t have to and I don’t want you to feel like I’m coming on to you because I know you don’t want, like, romance or anything because of the situation with your ex and-” He began to ramble anxiously, bringing a small smile to your lips.

“Sanji, Sanji, stop! It’s okay! I… I would like that a lot. And so thank you.”

He stopped blabbering and clasped his hands together. “Really?” There was a sparkle in his eyes.

“Really,” you nodded. 

You both built a little routine together. If Sanji wasn’t already in the kitchen, then you’d go to him. Otherwise, you’d meet in the kitchen for your cup of tea, before retiring to his hammock in the men’s quarters. The noises of the sleeping crew around you didn’t bother you at all as you lay entwined in Sanji’s long arms.

One night, you made your way into the kitchen and stopped quietly in the doorway. Sanji had fallen asleep at the table waiting for you. You took in his sleeping figure, the way his sleep shirt clung to his arms and revealed some of his chest. His face was relaxed and peaceful, and god, was it beautiful. Shit, you thought. I’m in way too deep now.

You gently woke him up, and the look in his eyes when he saw your face sent your stomach dropping and mind shortcircuiting. 

“It’s you,” he whispered.

You nodded. “It’s me, Sanj. Let’s go to bed, hmm?”

He had that look on his face again, the one from before when you couldn’t figure it out. But now? Now you knew what it was. It was love. It was adoration. It was ‘you’re my comfort, my safety, you feel like home and I’m at peace’. He stood up and pulled you to his chest, groaning softly as he rested his chin on top of your head. You looked up at him, fondness in your eyes.

“Sanj?” You whispered.

“Yes, my darling YN?” His sleepy voice and eyes were too much. You stood up on your tiptoes and pressed a soft, swift kiss to his lips.

He stiffened, eyes wide. 

“Are you sure?” He whispered. 

You nodded.

His face brightened and burst into a lovesick grin, one hand settling at your waist, the other snaking up to hold the back of your head. He nudged his nose against yours as your lips met, the world melting around you both. He pulled back and rested his forehead against yours.

“I want to promise something to you right now,” he murmured. “I promise to protect you, to keep you safe, I promise I will never do anything that could possibly hurt you, and I will hunt down anyone who does. Thank you, YN, for showing me what love could be.”

“No, Sanj… Thank you for showing me.”

His eyes were brimming with tears too, but he laughed softly, unable to resist the urge to say:

“No, no. Thank you.” 

And with that, you went to the safety of Sanji’s hammock, entangled with one another as you pressed burning kisses to each others’ skin, his heavenly touch making you forget what life was like without him. You don’t know exactly when it started, but you know this will never end.

[sunsetno4]

Pokemon AU Tag Game

Thank you @fallenheroreblog for this tag! :D This is a lot of fun to think of, mainly because Vendetta being the most subpar trainer in the world, lol. This so got away from me. First tho, the rules.

How to Play: 1. Make a Pokémon trainer AU for a character of your choice 2. Make a Pokémon team of six or less for said character 3. Add a blurb about your choices 4. Tag your friends and followers 5. Have fun

I'm gonna tag @darkfire1177 @thecryptidenthusiast @glitterdustcyclops @payloadofgeckos (if y'all want to, I'm not sure who likes pokemon around here, no pressure!) and anyone else interested. :D <3 Tag me please! I wanna see what people come up with~ Ok! Let's go!

Vendetta Frey is basically just a contest trainer, no battles for nem or nir team. They'd all suck at it and not have fun with it, which is the important thing. Ven just wants them all to be happy and fulfilled. Nir empathy is alive and well, and probably more intense (but only for pokemon, people can go fuck off).

Perish Song, aka Perish (Hattrem) // Vendetta's first pokemon. Ne still has telepathy and was basically kidnapped by some of those weird world-dominating groups, you know, as it happens. Ven doesn't know the whys, or doesn't remember a lot of nir time there was a blur, mainly because of Perish. They got paired together and Vendetta has to assume it for for a reason. But it was just awful. Ne feels too much and too intensely, which caused Perish a lot of pain. She'd lash out, which upset nem more and caused her more pain in return, and it was the world's worst feedback loop :'l When Vendetta finally escaped though, ne couldn't leave Perish behind. She didn't deserve that.

Their relationship was extremely rough in the beginning, and even now, it's more trauma-bonded neutrality. Ven wonders if finding Perish a quiet and nice home would be better, but Perish is scared to leave the only person she really knows. The world is terrifying and loud and it hurts, but she knows Ven does try to keep it as quiet as possible. :c Perish doesn't do any contests. They prefer hanging back and hearing the nonsense after the fact, lol, but she's good friends with Wherewithal. She likes their silly antics and plays (secretly, can't let people know that, nope!).

Relish (Trapinch) // Ven stumbled over Relish shortly after escaping, who was severely hurt at the time. One heal ball later, and Relish was all good and very attached to Ven …who didn't think that through, at all, Perish was already a handful at the time! Thankfully, the trapinch is a very chill soul (gentle nature, all the way!). He's actually the reason Ven got into doing contests too. Relish loved watching them on the tellie, and loved to reinact the different routines. Ven asked if he wanted to try himself and Relish! Geeked! So hard! :D

…except Relish has terrible terrible stage fright. He normally doesn't make it on the stage before digging his way back to Vendetta. But! Sometimes! He does make it out under the bright stage lights and… then, digs his way under the stage and back to Vendetta. His record is about fifteen seconds being on stage, and Ven is So Proud!!! He keeps trying his best and it's lovely and Ven is so encouraging. Relish is also the main reason the team is more often than not broke as fuck. All that stage damage… Ven still says it's worth it. Anything for Relish. :'l <3

Wherewithal (Audino) // Wherewithal has the Klutz ability, and it's why they and Vendetta met. Their old trainer was an impatient asshole and often screamed at Wherewithal when they failed at battles, and especially when they dropped items. It was a bad time. Ven saw one of these times, and would've dropkicked the trainer in the face if Perish didn't beat nem to it. TOO LOUD! ୧(๑•̀ᗝ•́)૭!!!!!!!

The trainer all but abandoned Wherewithal on the spot after that, and Ven offered them a safe place to stay and they're still here, lol. Wherewithal is kind-of the team therapist. They help Ven regulate nir emotions more with their feelers, and Perish too. They both need a lot of help… :'l They are a very silly pokemon too, often using their feelers to make a little monocles and mustaches to try and get giggles out of the others. They're just a fancy busymen~ No battles, their anxiety is still too high but sometimes they like to join contests when they're on the smaller side. And they're actually pretty good! :D

Fuffle (Pyukumuku) & Kerr (Kecleon) // They're a bonded pair of pokemon that Vendetta stumbled over while visiting a coastal resort town, while they were pulling cons~ Fuffle enjoys pulling in a crowd due of their shiny nature, and then violently puking up their innards and playing dead. While the group (understandably) stands horrified and sometimes crying, Kerr comes in from behind while invisible and steals all the shiny things she can find. They often make out like bandits (and Kerr sometimes will grab Fuffle and pretend like its corpse it floating around to scare people further, for fun).

Unfortunately, telepathy beats invisibility so Vendetta knew it was happening. Fortunately, ne found it funny as hell and offered them some protection as a trainer. The pair didn't agree at first, but were quickly won over. They still pull cons, sometimes at the contest venues, sometimes during the contests themselves. Kerr often has more money on her than Ven nemself too. It's the team's main source of money, since they rarely place in any contest.

Demure (Clobbopus) // The last team member to join, and no one entirely knows how that happened. One day, Demure was just there and never left~ She is an very curious and very enthusiastic Clobbopus that absolutely loves contests!! Along with Relish, she's normally joins all the contests she can and she loves the spotlight as much it loves her. However, as the contest goes on, her enthusiasm often …let's say it overflows. :') She doesn't fight the other contestants, but bopping them in aggressive hugs and the like is very frequent and she's never really finished a contest fully because of it.

But Demure has fun anyways, and loves all the last place pity ribbons she and Relish get, lol! And the sweets!! :D She's probably the biggest Poffin fiend out of them all and loves getting sweets post-contest. Honestly, even if she finished and placed higher, Demure would probably be disappointed in the prizes. Where's the treats???

---

But, yeah, lol. Ven's team is ...not good but they have a lot of heart. And silliness. And kleptomania. And rage! But Ven is deeply fond of them all. They're all nir family now, and they make Ven feel safe again~

As for the art, I honestly just wanted to see Ven in Pokemon style, so I used May's trainer art as a base/edit/whatever you have. ^^;;;!!!! And then, I got so lost in the sauce making nir outfit. The hoodie has FOUR variants! Six if you included the shiny ones. :')!!!!!!! Gengar and Dracovish ones are better imo, but Shiny Breloom, my love~ But! It was a lot of fun, so again. Thank you for the tag, fallenheroreblog! It was very fun, and I have a new love for Hattrem and Kecleon now, lol!

[captain-mj]

May I request sorta feral/primal soap with ghost? Like kink as a way of healing from feeling dehumanized by others.

I hope I interpreted this the right way? If not, just send me an another ask and I'll try again lol

Ghost knew Soap had a rough mission out there. He had been gone for almost three months, far longer than expected.

Simon waited on the tarmac to meet him. Naively, he dressed himself in a sweatshirt and sweatpants. It was rather late at night and he just wanted to see him. The cold started to seep him but he just ignored it.

Soap looked terrible when he first came in but his eyes found Ghost's immediately. His face still had the grease paint and tac gear on. No blood on his vest or dirt on his hands. Ghost could see something off about Soap. He didn't speak much and seemed to be picking at his fingernails out of boredom. Or maybe anxiety. Whatever it was, he had bloodied his fingers.

Ghost asked him if he wanted to sit with him in his room and Soap followed him. He missed something. Had to have.

Soap jumped him like a rabid dog. Primal play wasn't out of the ordinary for them, though it was usually talked extensively about beforehand and always at Ghost's, usually really embarrassed, request. Ghost was always the feral one. The one that Soap tamed.

But Soap was desperate and feral in a way that usually made Ghost's hair stand on end. He hated when people sexualized him. His trauma made being pinned down or out of control hard on him. It stressed him out and usually got him very much out of the mood.

However... Soap was so desperate. He rubbed up against Ghost's back, his cock hard against Ghost's back.

Ghost grabbed him hard to keep him still and turned around. Soap growled and tried to get pressed back up against him.

"Calm down, love. I'll give you what you want."

Soap nodded and swallowed thickly, looking over Ghost's body. He started to grab at him, groping along his waist and his ass. Growls came from his throat.

Ghost knew he should push him away. Soap may not be in his right mind. But the moment he tried to put some distance, Soap looked so upset.

"Fucking hell." Ghost grabbed him and pushed him to his bed. He started undoing his tac gear, happy to see that underneath it, he was a lot more clean. "Calm down, Johnny."

Soap yanked Ghost around and shoved him onto the bed. He straddled him and shoved his hands under Ghost's sweatshirt. Ghost tried to sit up and he got shoved back down.

Soap attacked his neck, biting and sucking greedily. Ghost had to slip off his ski mask because Soap didn't seem to mind just going through it. He kept rutting desperately against Ghost's thigh. His poor love was so wanting.

Soap got him undressed and tried to get himself on Ghost's cock.

Ghost stopped him immediately. "Soap, I'm going to hurt you wai-"

Soap smashed their lips together before spitting on his fingers. He held it up to Ghost who spit on them, watching their saliva mingle. He was quick to shove them in himself, whimpering into Ghost's throat. HIs mouth continued to work over Ghost's skin, eyes rolling back in his head.

Ghost had never felt so turned on his life. Soap had a tendency to get lost in pleasure, but this was something else. He seemed only half sane and more than a little feral.

The moment Soap wasn't in clear pain, he sat up and sank down on his cock. "Yes...." It was the first word Soap had bothered to mutter. He started to rock as hard as he could, moaning loudly. He buried his face into Ghost's chest now, losing himself to it.

Ghost groaned and tried to regain some control but Soap sank his teeth into his pec, drawing a little bit of blood. He moaned softly and turned his head away from Soap.

Soap grabbed him hard and forced him to look at him. They stared at each other as Soap rode him hard. They started to kiss and Ghost felt like his thoughts were melting.

There was just Soap.

He managed to speed up even more, panting hard. Ghost nipped his lip and Soap growled at him.

"Down boy. You can keep going."

Soap nodded and his eyes rolled back again. He just kept going, ignoring when he came all over Ghost's chest.

Ghost bit his lip and groaned. "You're so good. Such a good boy." It was so tight. So fucking tight.

Ghost came so hard he couldn't see for a minute. "Soap...."

Soap growled at him and continued rocking.

"What happened out there?"

"Didn't have you." Soap panted.

Ghost huffed out a little laugh. "Come on now. Couldn't be that bad."

Soap growled and Ghost's cock twitched where it was still embedded in Soap's hole. "Was that bad. Couldn't even have a wank in peace. Kept thinking about you."

Ghost hummed. "Come on. Get off of me."

"Nah. I have some making up to do. You're going to sit there and take it."

Ghost swallowed and Soap faltered immediately. "I didn't go too far, did I Simon?"

"Nah. Bloody hot." He grabbed the headboard. "Take what you need, yeah?"

Soap groaned and immediately started to ride him harder.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - April 11

midnights anon, names anon (new), pictures anon (new), panromantic anon, parkour anon, skating anon

midnights anon

Hi <3

I know you said I didn't have to answer but I just want you to know that I am so proud of you. Life isn't easy, and you're doing such a great job just....life-ing. Remember that getting better and healing from trauma isn't linear. You'll have good days and bad days. It doesn't mean you're doing any less fantastic <3

____

names anon

Hi Cas!!

I've just officially started dating someone, but they go by she/they pronouns and recently they asked me to be their girlfriend, and I'm really happy! I was wondering if you had any gender neutral boyfriend /girlfriend terms because I don't know any, and we're not up to pet names yet. ✨✨

Hi! Congratulations!

I know most people use 'partner.' I've also heard:

significant other

date mate

datefriend

themfriend

sweetheart

my person

I hope that helps! Sending you both love!

____

pictures anon

HELP I DONT KNOW WHO TO TELL BUT GUESS WHAT

I was hanging out with the friend group which is like 5 or 6 of us

And afterward

This girl (I have a crush on)

Texted me

And was like

Hey I thought you looked really pretty tonight so I took a couple pictures of you, here they are

And they were just shots of me like laughing or looking at my phone or whatever

BUT SHE THOUGHT I WAS PRETTY

AHHH

No one ever said anything that nice to me bruh like it was amazing completely separate from fhe fact I like her

How sweet

OMG this is so sweet! She was obviously looking at you :D Keep me updated if anything happens!

____

panromantic anon

Hey Cas! It's panromantic anon, and I saw an anon ask if you knew who your anons are, and I want to ask, do you know who I am? I mean I have been pretty obvious so-

I mean, don't mind you knowing who I am, I go by anon because a lot of people are reading those asks and I don't want a lot of people to know, but I don't mind you or a few mutuals figuring out so I posted things on my blog about things I ask here as well.

I was just curious, you can say yes or no or not answer this at all! Sorry to be a bother-

Hi

Not a bother at all!

Honestly, I have no idea lol. Which I think you've said before that you've been obvious and I got so confused. I thought, oh maybe you're someone I know from discord maybe? just because you said that. but I truly have no clue.

___

parkour anon

Parkour anon,

So um, I am not afab or girl, I am cis guy but, tbh thinking about it, I look very feminine. I don't feel comfortable with it but my face has softer lines I guess ? and can't grow any facial hair bc of a medicine. Sucks a little. Maybe he is homophobic ? Dunno, I had more girlfriends than him but I also had boyfriends in the past so.

Anyway, he still doesn't let me do my goddamn work so I started to do the same to you out of spite. I know it's not the best thing to do but, telling a guy who works out a lot 'he can rest if he is tired, it's not easy for guys like him' in the 10th minute of a 2 hours training is so fucking funny. Sorry not sorry. Anyway, I have to deal with him a little, but, 3 weeks later I will be the lídar. It's some sort of team captain? I don't know how to explain it , but It means I will assign the works for 6 weeks, and then another person in my team will take that position.

And yeah, technically speaking, I am stronger than him. not in every aspect of course, physically maybe we would have a draw or he might win, or I might win depending on our states. If I am gonna be honest he is great, but like, I have been trained more than him in year count.

Don't know why he is acting like that. It's stupid.

Hi!

I'm so sorry, I hope I didn't offend you. But yeah, the homophobia makes total sense. I originally asked because the behavior seemed so bigoted, you know? Maybe he's jealous as well, if you can get girls and he cant...

But omg you telling him things are not easy for 'guys like him' is SO perfect and I laughed out loud reading that. 10/10 perfect response. I'm sorry he's acting like that, I'm glad you'll get some power soon.

___

skating anon

Hiii

I'm skating anon

Soo I haven't built up any courage to tell her I like her however I think my chances have gone down like like 70%

I just figured out she's demi too so I feel like there's like 0 chance

I mean technically it's more like an update than an ask but yeah still do you think I should anyway build up the courage

Alsoo

Skating anon again

I know it's not an ask just thought it might give someone a small laugh

So the girl I like wants an undercut but the hairdresser she goes to is like the old people gossip place so she ain't going there for an undercut, her friend suggested a hairdresser however he's gay and so he might assume she's gay and ask something so she doesn't want him to give her an undercut

But there aren't any other options left

So her mum told her that she should tell her dad to cut it for her

So moral of the story she wanted an undercut but now it's her dad who's gonna actually do the undercut for her

Hi!

Okay I'm confused. From your second ask, are you saying she's not gay and that's bad? Because if she's demi and likes your gender, then you still completely have a chance...just because someone's demi doesn't mean they don't want to date/don't like people! It just means they need to get to know you first! I don't think that affects your chances at all, really. As long as you get to know her!

Also good for her for getting an undercut. I want one so bad but I'm not brave enough.

[kafus]

i am a very medical person when it comes to DID, like i've researched my own condition and been in professional DID therapy for four years now, and i am very passionate about being a person with a disorder/disability, in a grounded sense. i have a lot of frustration toward the internet's treatment of DID as some sort of magical/mystical thing, something that would make a person with DID vastly different from anyone else. DID is just PTSD pushed to its most complex, yaddayadda i won't go on a psychology/science ramble here. but.

at the same time DID directly influences your experience with life and identity since you are a child, a traumatized child at that, and it is an experience i have been living all my life. it is impossible to remove my DID from me, similar (but not exactly the same of course) to how it is impossible to separate me from my autism. my brain developed this way and even if i wanted & achieved "final fusion" i would still always have a DID brain that could split again in the future.

so while i strongly acknowledge that i have a disorder and want to be viewed as such, it's not ALL that. DID influences every aspect of my identity and life and therefore it is empowering to talk about it, make art about it, just be a person with alters. i certainly do not love having trauma and all the bullshit that comes with it but it has been essential to my work-in-progress healing to embrace the parts (no pun intended) of my experience that DON'T all fucking suck. i love disabled joy and part of that for me personally is finding joy with DID. it's like please do not forget this disorder and the shit i went through is horrific but also i am still a person and i experience joy and that joy is inseparable from my DID because my DID is inseparable from everything.

does this make sense. i hope it makes sense. i'm brainfogged as shit right now this might come off as word salad for all i know but i'm doing my best because i'm randomly really emotional about this tonight lol

[chemical-killjoy]

OK, so here's the thing. I just watched the Fortnight video and listened to Who's Afraid of Little Old Me for the first time... I'm having thoughts.

First of all, while I DON'T like Taylor (as will become evident in this post) I can appreciate WAOLOM, because it do be a bop, and the lyrics in Fortnight are (while cringy) also pretty good. Just cause I don't like her doesn't mean she sucks at what she does, just like how some of her songs are good doesn't mean all are or that it's all because of her with no help in penning them.

Next. Fortnight. So first of all, it's incredibly fucked up to be talking about alcoholism from someone who hasn't struggled (and if she has, I retract that statement... but since she hasn't spoken about it, I think it's another one of her metaphors), and the psychward-chic?? What the actual FUCK??? Look, as someone who has been in psych wards multiple times... you cannot be making that shit glamorous. You don't get to show med times, you don't get to show ECT, without some kind of disclaimer, knowledge, understanding or experience. It's not all ballgowns and doctor saving you. It's horrible.

So she's glamourising mental illness. Fucking, fine. Everyone on TikTok seems to be, so fine. But going further with ECT?? For those who don't know, ECT stands for electroconvulsive therapy, and if you're thinking that sounds like electroshock therapy... it is. It's the same thing, rebranded and "tamed". And it's NOT A THING OF THE PAST. I know someone who got ECT done. And while it seems to have helped her, it's fucking horrendous. I'm not going into the side effects or the process, but it's a last resort. Even medically, it's a last resort, it's horrendous. I mean for fuck's sake, I know where people get it done, and I've been there (not to have it done, but for talk therapy). It's not fucking nice! It's not chic, it's not fun times, you don't get black and white film and lipstick. I can't even try to understand why you'd glamourise something so fucked up just for public attention. There's a difference between making things creepy, pushing boundaries in artistic senses, and making some of the worst times of people's lives into a break up song. What the actual fuck is wrong with her?? Also, to reiterate, I wouldn't call it ableism, as much as just fucking horrendous.

Then there's WAOLOM (I can't be bothered to keep typing it lol). Ngl, it's a banger, it's a vibe, and it's kinda relatable through both the trauma and female rage lense that I think she's going for. So, well done with that I guess. But the thing I have a problem with in this... Look man, if that's genuinely how she feels? I hope she gets help. Being caged is awful, and being twisted into a monster, also not fun. I know there was the whole snake fiasco that definitely would've been traumatic, and I hope she's OK and can heal from that. But in the song... it's so fucking self absorbed. Like no. Not everything is about you, as much as you try to make it that way (and unfortunately swifties are making that so). Ngl, the asylum where they raised me part, I mean her dad doesn't sound fun to grow up with if you think about it, but there's more psych ward imagery which pisses me off from someone who hasn't suffered that much!! Like sure, what she's been through is shit, I relate to some of it and so understand, but you can't go around like your pain is the worst in the world. It fucking isn't. At least you can afford the therapy for it Taylor, some of us can't. And the "I'll sue you" part? She literally has sued people for small shit!!

TL;DR: Fortnight video is FUCKING WRONG AND FUCKED UP and I wanna punch her for it and ECT is not a thing of the past, and Who's Afraid Of Little Old Me is a banger, but she's incredibly self-centred and if she actually feels what she wrote in that song I hope she gets the help she needs (/gen)

[casualdadnomad]

i am back with more headcanons! today we got college gaang x going to the gym!!

masterpost (>ᴗ•)

college athletes: suki, ty lee, toph, sokka

suki’s colorguard stuff is a killer workout in itself (ex guard girl here, i was jacked)

and being the captain of the self defense club, it’s kind of accepted she could knock you the fuck out

ty lee being a cheerleader also gives her an insane amount of muscle but it’s less visible and more just strength

so she just looks completely normal and then BAM she puts zuko in a shoulder sit

the ty lee cheerleader arc is something i want to go into more detail on so someone please tell me to do it so i have an excuse to

toph being on the rugby team is something so close to my heart

she does lifting, conditioning, rugby practice etc all ON TOP of the earth bending she’s doing on the daily

she is 5’0” of pure muscle

sokka is on the fencing team which is more agility centered than strength centered

he’s fast, he has a great reaction time and hand eye coordination

something will fall and he will catch it so fast

like wow i didn’t know spider-man was here

i also headcanon he can just do a backflip. like he’s one of those backflip guys i’m sure you know one

absolute gym bros: katara, azula, zuko

katara was field hockey captain in high school but didn’t continue in college

she is a busy woman and has so many passions to spend her time on in college!

she does however hit the gym regularly she loves the gym

her and zuko are gym buddies :)

zuko is huge man i feel like this is not explored enough in fanon HE KICKED THROUGH A WOODEN TABLE??????????

me when i see fanart of zuko that lets him be strong!!!!!!!!!!!! 😁😁👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼

he works out all the time because he realized young that being bad at bending sucks but he could just get as good as possible as good old acoustic combat

azula works out as part of her healing process

good way to get her anger out

boxing is one of her favorite workouts but she also is a part of a firebending club

mock trial? try mock agni kai

great way to make friends while keeping her skills sharp

plus having a firebending major is a lot of exercise in itself

same with katara and toph and the other bending majors

mai spends enough time working on precision with knife throwing that her reflexes are also good, better than sokkas for sure

but if you asked her to run a mile she’d laugh in your face

katara gets ripped for bending, aang is ripped from bending

he can’t major in airbending cause he’s the only one but he spends a lot of time keeping his skills sharp

he actually compulsively practices because he’s afraid he will forget something and some aspect a irbending culture will be lost to time but that’s another post i could make like and subscribe for the gaang trauma responses post

his endurance is great from sparring and airbending and he also loves running

he is the only one in the gaang who loves running (only one in the gaang who will run willingly at all)

as much as the gaang, who canonically are fighters, love physical activity, they also love being so very lazy! they don’t get a chance to be lazy often so they will take any chance to give their bodies a rest they can in my au

rest is just as important as being active :)

okay that’s all for tonight! can u tell im a tired student athlete and am projecting lol ok i have to go to bed cause i got class tomorrow thanks for reading !

[lesbian-lovr-girl]

Hiya anyone who happens to see this. I’m crying in bed with my cat right now lol and I have some big heavy thoughts and honestly, I’m starting to find some comfort in writing them down here and getting them out of my head.

I spent my first close to 35 years absolutely consumed with guilt. Guilt about my mental health issues, guilt about what I didn’t know at the time were traumas, just constant guilt and shame. Because I believed everything ‘wrong’ with me and all of the unintended consequences involved with having issues like those was my fault.

Now, I no longer think that. I don’t at all believe that it is my fault. I understand CPTSD now I understand just everything in a whole different way and I was able to shake the guilt and shame part of things.

But now here I am a few years into healing and doing everything as ‘right’ as I can. Therapy, meds, taking care of my spaces etc. I started working full-time again in January after years not and before I started, I was making such great progress mental healthwise. But once the job started it just all became too much my meds don’t work anymore. I’m having weird reactions to them. My anxiety is crippling. I’m watching so many things I worked hard for fall away and it’s breaking my heart. I feel completely disabled right now.

I’m doing all the things. but every day is still too much. I’ve been on medical leave from work because it’s too much and I am going to the hospital this evening to enter what I’m told is a great medication program. I tried it 10 weeks ago and I was very uncomfortable and I left after a day. But after a lot of thinking and working with my therapist, it’s my only good option. Logistically I’m out of options. I have to be back at work at August 15 and I have to do something because it’s a great job.

And I really don’t wanna go. I don’t like people making me feel small or unintelligent or disrespecting me and I just don’t know how this is going to go. But I’m gonna try to suck it up and do it. I feel like it’s my last chance and I have cycled through so many different medication’s in my life and I keep being told this is the best group of prescribers that I could see.

All of this to say, guilt and shame used to beat me into the ground every day and I am excited as fuck that I don’t blame myself anymore. That is serious progress. But now I am just fucking angry. It’s unfair. It’s sad, it’s frustrating. so yeah, I’m just angry. And that’s not something I let myself be very often but as these months go on, I am honestly just furious at everything that’s ever happened that made me how I am. And I’m sick of feeling isolated because of it.

Ughhhh wish me luck please.

[scarletfish]

as much as we talk about Neil being an unreliable narrator, I want to point out re: the treatment of Kevin's trauma...

neil spends nearly 2 books going "oh, riko? lol I've got WAY bigger problems my skeletons are so much scarier than this one kid our age could ever be. man up, Kevin."

BUT THEN. NEIL GOES TO EVERMORE.

and it fucking BREAKS him, y'all. no, he doesn't sign the contract - but he comes back a WRECK, ready to cut his own face off and begging wymack for help. he was there for two weeks.

kevin and jean GREW UP THERE.

I'm just saying... neil and the rest of the team shit on kevin quite a bit bc from their perspective, based SOLELY on media perception and the (I believe) VERY minimal facts kevin shares about Evermore, they see a spoiled, arrogant star who pissed off the wrong person and got hurt.

i don't think the team is just like "boo hoo you were horrifically abused suck it up we love neil more," i think they have no idea what he went through (and, sure, didn't put much effort in to find out bc Kevin's personality is more abrasive).

anyway, while i think neil is dealing with too much shit in tkm to really process what this means and extend understanding to kevin, I'd hope over the next few years that he does that work and kevin feels more comfortable slowly sharing details with the team and getting his own reassurances that what happened was fucked up and celebrating his small steps toward healing

[dallasurr]

i feel so hurt and upset about Simon he needed to heal too

i can't sleep at night sometimes

I know this is so random but i don't care i feel so hurt by the idea of everyone healing but him dead and bound to be forgetten. .. i want him feel good i want to get him out of there.

I've said this before but as much as I'd like to see the series to its planned end, I'm not that unhappy about not getting season 5. It would be really hard for me to see Amelia get a redemption or her exit when she went on the train as a fully mature adult in her 30s, and did wayyyy worse things than Simon did. Although she was mentally unstable at the time she got on the train, it doesn't seem like she had a history of mental illness before Alrick died.

What Simon did to Grace and Hazel was fucked up, I can wrap my head around his justification for killing Tuba and I'm not the person to debate about this bc I straight up didn't like Tuba. She went out of her way to kidnap and scare Grace and Simon, who would have probably found the exit to the car and went on their way the next day without her interference, and I'm of the opinion that she put both herself and Hazel in danger with her little prank. I know we wouldn't have a story without it, and it doesn't justify her death, but literally from their first interaction she showed Simon she can be hostile and dangerous. And while she warmed up to Grace (according to Grace lol I didn't see much friendly interaction between them at all, just Grace enjoying/admiring the way she interacted with Hazel), Simon always got attitude from her, I can't blame him for not warming up to her.

Simon might have been 18 at the time of his season but let's be honest, both he and Grace were very immature and justifiably so. They only had each other and their delusions for years and years before they became guardians themselves. The train has proven itself to be dangerous, and proved how high the stakes are when he died, but people act like he was a fucking monster for doing what he thought he needed to protect himself, grace and hazel from a perceived threat. He could have been a little more tactful with explaining what happened, or lied about it, but like tbh as a neurodivergent person myself who sees Simon as someone who is on the autism spectrum, I REALLY struggle with lying and deceiving people so I can understand why he just blurted out the truth without any thought.

I do think one of the most irredeemable things he did was dehumanize Grace and trap her in her memories, whether or not he knew it could kill her (I assume he didn't bc the Cat as usual didn't explain shit to him) the way he pushed her over and walks away makes me nauseous.

But I certainly don't think he deserved to die for that, and I think the series would have been a lot better if instead of kicking her off the train again (which at this point in the scene felt kind of slapstick i'm ngl), Simon finally broke out of his paranoid and delusional thought patterns and they were able to drag everyone back into the mall car for a heart to heart.

In my head in episodes 9 and 10 he's a lot like Catra in The Portal episodes, but instead of getting 2 more seasons after his fall from grace (lol) to recover and heal and fix his issues, he just got killed instead.

And it sucks because dude was clearly mentally ill and traumatized, and as someone who has mental illness and trauma that can make me act out sometimes too, who also struggles to read the room and understand what people want from me if they don't tell me directly, who ALSO had parents that didn't have my best interests as even a consideration to whatever they could gain from me, it kind of reinforces my anxiety which tells me that I deserve to suffer because of x y z stupid thing I did or said 5, 10, even 20 years ago.

(and before anyone says simon had all the chances to change and grow that grace did, please rewatch the season, he absolutely did not and all of the events that led to grace growing as a person happened when simon wasn't around, yes he was immature in a lot of moments but dude literally did not have a normal adolescence and to expect him to act like a fucking adult all the time after that is ridiculous)

[ongreenergrasses]

Best and worst take you have? That you've seen?

thank you for responding earlier!! this is so subjective anon, really idk if you will agree with me but you are now subject to my biases so!

my current personal favorite take (let’s be real here. I love all my takes and I think I’m right or I wouldn’t post them) that I just got reinforced in me with the power of a thousand suns is that actually…the way Finnick delivers his speech in mj pt 1…it’s so solid. it’s so realistic. and i can tell you now that i sat in a room recently and i had someone stand there and tell me in excruciating detail the many ways in which experiencing trauma can impact client testimony in a court of law, and i said you know what. i highly doubt Francis Lawrence has encountered any of this information in his life and i think he is truly just a lazy director in this regard but he has somehow managed to create a deeply realistic portrayal of someone voicing their trauma in an incredibly high stakes situation in tandem with the actor purely by accident and i’m not mad about it.

the take that everyone consistently hates from me is that i don’t like Katniss’s ending. i have expanded on why at length but i don’t like it and i have yet to see people tackle any of the reasons why I don’t like it in a way that isn’t like. just hand wavy or “she healed over time”. yes she did! it probably sucked and was painful and awful and she worked so so hard! but it isn’t actually a great answer for how some of her convictions did an about face! not to be excessively mean but i think that Suzanne Collins did that epilogue because it is a convention of the YA genre for protagonist to end up married with babies. i don’t think it’s deeper than that writing wise, which means i don’t like it. but this makes people mad lol

honestly? my friends have the best takes. they do!!! and most of them don’t post them but they say such brilliant things!!! but I think the singular best take i’ve seen and think about a lot is that ask from Tigris anon. Tigris anon, i hope you know that I think about that constantly because you’re right!!! you’re so fucking right!!! you’re unbelievably perceptive and you’re right!!! (I’ll dig it out and rb)

worst takes, holy hell idk if you’re an odesta person but uh. that pairing is ripe for absolutely rancid takes. i’m not going to put the worst take i’ve seen on blast because I don’t want to cause drama but i will say it was incredibly viscerally upsetting to me as a mentally ill person. (fun fact. I got so upset just thinking about this take that I typed two fucking paragraphs and have now come back and edited. if you saw what I said before, no you didn’t lol.) but it truly, truly upset me because it was in its own way deeply ableist and I think a lot of how odesta is handled fluctuates from the erasure of all mental health issues (Finnick) to making sole characterization be struggling with mental health issues (Annie) and that’s challenging. it’s hard to write. it’s hard to keep interrogating my own biases and improving. and a lot of takes about them are deeply ableist and awful. so!

[dadsdaugther]

i sent the ask before about this about me relating to your situation with A and M, and i thought id share my situation again, for like, solidarity. the guy i was sleeping with didnt want a romantic relationship, it seemed like he didnt know what he wanted at all. he was really bad at communicating what he wanted and the only way ive heard about whats going on with him this past week is through our mutual friend/his ex/my ex fwb (its complicated lmao). it sucks because i really liked him and really wanted to be in a relationship. the sex was romantic for me. ive been thinking of him while im horny/while jerking off because the sex fulfilled my need for touch and connection too. but when im done being horny i have to remind myself that he didnt have the same feelings as me and to chase after him knowing that would only show that i have no self respect. u deserve someone that is on the same page as u. thats just my two cents and advice for the both of us lol. good luck xx

🎮 anon in case i come back? lol

hiiiii, awww 🎮 anon🥺😭 this broke my heart a little bc I know all these feelings so fucking well😭 and that’s exactly what I’ve been learning with A. It hurts your self worth every time you chase someone that has made their choice about you or a relationship in general. annndddd always remember that their decision is a projection of their own insecurities and unhealed trauma and in the end it doesn’t have anything to do with you 🥺 (I’m also saying this to remind myself)

I hope you heal from it and you deserve someone that wants the same as you too !!🥺🩷

thank you so much for the support and this ask<33