#healing from trauma fucking sucks lol

[lobo-inu]

saw a post that reminded me of my really bad past experiences with tesblr, and how lucky i am to finally have a tes server that’s like…. actually safe. and full of people who are nothing but genuine. especially now that i’ve healed a lot, too.

i’ve heard SO MANY horror stories about rumors people in this fandom spread - and i’ve also been a victim of them too, lol. been called a scammer (was getting donations for a live saving surgery. thats it), a mysoginist (literally just explaining my mother-based trauma and being scared of adult women lol), and also like. had rumors go around about me apparently letting minors into an 18+ server. even tho i fucking hate interacting with minors online w a passion. i made a past server that was previously 15+ to 18+ and kicked all minors bc they could not fucking behave and respect boundaries.

oh, also pure ableism when it comes to a Very stigmatized diagnosis of mine. :| that was from the same person who called me a mysoginist. people over here making insane headcanons for me, i guess 😭

….so yeah. just awful, out of character shit going around.

i’ve lost a good few people i considered friends who were quick to listen to these rumors instead of just. idk. communicating with me.

this fandom irks me a lot with it’s behavior on a personal level beyond that, though. Skyrim had been one of my most intense hyperfixations since i was in a single digit age. so it sucks having such a hostile and drama-hungry community when all i wanna do is share OCs and shit.

this sounds fucking insane, but past experiences here have caused my anxiety disorder to skyrocket to such a drastically dangerous degree, so its kinda crazy that i’m even back here. typing this out is giving me chest pains lol. like this is probably one of the worst fandoms to get involved with

with that said, thank you @ the people who’ve made my return an enjoyable experience. and thank you to those who stuck around even after i left in 2023, and stuck by me and my honesty vs rumors. yall are the fucking real ones. and also the babygirls server, friends both new and old - i love u guys. thank yall for helping me continue this personal healing journey of mine (yall know what i’m referencing).

if anyone has had any ridiculous experiences here, do feel free to share 😭 cause i know i’m not the only one. also god i love the babygirls server. pls join the babygirls server

[thelittlestoflives]

Thank You

soooo i sort of have a whole backstory to the Unravelling the Mystery fic and i just thought welllll i might as well post that too lol!! (i actually have lots of parts and stories)

again, very new to fic writing and i've thrown in some y/n lore in there too!! it's so vulnerable and scary to post stuff you've written (again i suck at proofreading so forgive pls)

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

sanji x strawhat!reader, or the story of how y/n became a strawhat and gravitated towards the chef

use of YN, afab reader

cw: stuff to do with horrible exes, forced eating of a devil fruit, being severely injured, slight angst to fluff but mostly fluff i think

wc: 2.7k

It was like a ritual. The breathing in the room evening out, slipping out from under the covers and creeping through the halls towards him. His arms were your salvation, every gentle kiss burning your skin with love, each touch so heavenly you could almost believe in a higher power.

You can barely remember how it began. It's like it's just always been this way.

But it wasn't.

Not when you were stuffed in that barrel, just you and the darkness and the splashing of the waves against the wood, the drip drip drip onto your already soaking clothes. You can't remember how you survived it, how you endured the minutes and the hours and the days you remained in there, physical wounds nowhere near the pain of the scarring on your soul.

And like words out of the holy texts, there was light. A piercing, bright light. But unlike the holy texts, soft mutters echoed in your ears.

"Shit. It's a girl."

"Dammit. So, it's not treasure?"

"She's injured."

"How long has she been in there?"

"Why does this always happen to us?"

“Get her out of there, for fuck’s sake! Why are you all just standing around?!”

Just like that, the light vanished and darkness returned.

When you came to you were in some sort of medical infirmary, the light streaming through the windows so intense that you could barely open your eyes. An assortment of smells hit your nose; disinfectant, bleach, salty sea air, and a bowl of rich chicken noodle soup that steamed as it sat on your bedside table.

Maybe that's when it started. The soup. You stared at it for god knows how long, tears streaming down your face at the act of kindness. The trauma of what you'd just been through vanished staring at that bowl, feeling the love of whoever made it poured into it. Your body had been wrapped in bandages and cleaned, and you wore soft pyjamas that weren't your own, your hair had been brushed, and someone had made you fucking chicken noodle soup.

A couple of days went by as your body slowly healed. The only interaction you had was with the ship's doctor as he tried to make you feel comfortable and safe. You didn't see any of the other crew, but each time you woke from a restless, haunted sleep, there was a steaming dish beside you. Before long, you were strong enough to walk around. Chopper held your hand as he led you above deck to meet the crew who sat around the kitchen table.

You felt shy and nervous. Sure, you'd spoken to pirates before, but always in a controlled environment, never on their turf.

But they were vastly different from the pirates you'd encountered, offering easy smiles and gentle words, coaxing you to tell them what had happened to you. You caught eyes with a man with a cigarette hanging casually out his mouth a couple of times, quickly looking away. Was this where it started?

You explained that you're a journalist on your home island. Or rather, were a journalist. Now? You were dust in the wind, not taking any sort of discernable shape, floating with no direction, no intention, nothing. You thought you had it all; a home, a job you loved, family, friends, and someone who you thought was the love of your life. In less than a week, it was gone.

You had been investigating a cult on your island and stumbled across a giant conspiracy involving the World Government. You had written a tell-all piece, ready to blow the whole damn thing wide open. But you made a mistake, you told your then-boyfriend about it. Turns out he wasn't who he said he was, he was one of them. Sent to keep an eye on the local journalists, he’d pretended to fall for you to keep you close. The cult that terrorised truth seekers from the shadowy underworld was an unstoppable and dangerous force and he was one of them.

They'd captured you, and when the darkness was lifted there was no heavenly bright light. Just a dank basement dimly lighting up your boyfriend's face, grinning from ear to ear as he told you in laborious detail what was about to happen to you. You would eat a Devil Fruit, they would drug you, and you would be forced to do their bidding. No choice, no control, this was it. They’d already done this to every other person who had been investigating them. They had a small army now, he informed you. An army of ‘nosey bastards who didn’t know what they were getting themselves into’. Despite your pleading, he laughed and said that you better get ready for what’s about to happen.

And so they did it. They had it all figured out. They forced you to eat the Devil Fruit, and as its powers flowed through your veins you realised that perhaps they didn’t have it all figured out after all. They didn’t account for the fact that you would be damned rather than be bested by a man.

Your powers erupted out of you, flowing with such a force that all you could do was let out a silent scream, as the shadows wrapped themselves around the foundations of the building they held you in and it collapsed into rubble. 

An arm roughly grabbed you, pulling you out of the wreckage. It had stuffed you in a barrel, and an unfamiliar voice hissed the words: “It’s better if they think you’re dead. If you survive, never return.” 

As soon as the last word of your tale left your mouth, a straw hat was placed on your head, and that’s how Luffy obtained another stray to add to his collection. You became the Strawhats’ Chronicler, your job was to forever immortalise the crew’s journey towards the One Piece and to document how Luffy became the King of the Pirates. Although it was a difficult adjustment at first, you became fast friends with the crew. Robin in particular was a huge help for you, as it was she who understood your plight the best.

Sanji kept his distance at first. You were so beautiful that he knew he wouldn’t be able to help himself from flirting, and that was probably the last thing you needed right now, so he resigned himself to being helpful in the background, finding out information about you from Robin and Nami and incorporating it into his cooking. But the two of you were like magnets, unexplainably drawn to one another and soon neither of you would be able to stay away.

You were ripped from your nightmare with such force that you shot upright, sweat dripping down your back. It was the same as always, but tonight you didn’t want to wake up Robin with your tears.

And that’s how you found yourself in the kitchen, face-to-face with a certain chef. He tried not to make a fuss as he saw your hunched, small frame in the doorway, tear-stained cheeks and sleepy eyes. Really, he did. But he’s only a man, after all. He gave you a warm hug and sat you down, making his own special sleepy tea (“I promise you, you will be knocked out after this. No bad dreams for our sweet Chronicler!”).

“I meant to say thank you,” you said quietly as you sipped your tea.

He arched an eyebrow, a gentle blush on his cheeks. “For?”

“The food. When I was in the infirmary, your food made me feel…” you trail off, suddenly embarrassed. 

“Made you feel what?”

You look up at him, an amused expression on his face. 

“Your chicken noodle soup made me cry,” you admit softly. “It was the first thing I saw when I woke up, and it’s my comfort food. And I cried. I was so touched that I forgot everything else. I can’t thank you enough for that. I could’ve lost my mind, but that small act grounded me.”

The blush was no longer gentle but furious as his eyes diverted from your face. “Ah. Well, it’s an honour to cook for a pretty girl like you, and even more so that it makes you feel something. So really, I should thank you for your high praises.” 

Your mouth twitched into a smile. “No, thank you!”

His mouth echoed yours. “No, no, thank you!”

And you continued like that, thanking each other more and more dramatically through laughs. The silliness wore off, and Sanji’s face turned slightly more serious.

“Look, I wanted to say something to you too,” he began. “I’m sorry that your ex betrayed you like that. No beautiful lady should ever have to suffer at the hands of a man, much less a man who should love her.”

You blink, suddenly remembering why it was you were here in the first place.

“It’s okay,” you say with a small shrug. “Well, no, it’s not okay but… I dunno. What else can I say? ‘My ex gave me up to an evil cult and altered my life forever and because of him my family think I’m dead and I didn’t even get the t-shirt’? I appreciate that though. I appreciate all of you.”

He blew air out of his nose softly as you tried to make light of what was clearly a horrific situation. 

“Well, if you ever need to talk, I’m here for you.” “Thank you, Sanji, same goes for you,” you smile.

He grins back. “No, no, no. Thank you!” 

You laugh and lightly hit his arm. “Cut it out or we’ll be here all night!”

His grin widens. “Maybe that’s what I’m trying to do.”

And maybe that’s where it starts. Those late nights in the kitchen when you both couldn’t sleep, sharing easy conversations and trying to make the other laugh. Warm mugs of tea and knees touching each other under the table. A bubble you created with just the two of you, a sacred space, with none the wiser as to these secret meetings of yours.

It would become routine for a couple of weeks. The nightmares jolt you awake, so you pad through to the kitchen for tea, smiles, and chats. 

“You know, I reckon you’re the beating heart of this crew,” you say as you blow on your tea to cool it down.

Sanji scoffs in derision. 

“No, I’m serious! If Luffy is the soul, then you’re the heart. I see everything you do for the crew, Sanj. You’ve got a kind soul.”

You wished you could frame the look on his face to cherish forever. A mix of gratitude, embarrassment, confusion, denial, and something else. Something you couldn’t quite place. 

“In saying that,” you continue, sipping on the now-cool beverage. “You look tired. If you’re looking after everyone else, who’s looking after you?”

He froze.

Your eyes are trained on his. “Look, there’s a reason we’re both here in the dead of night. You can’t sleep either, can you?” 

He looks down.

“Let me in, Sanj. Let me look after you.”

And he does. He tells you everything, and now the bond runs so deep you’re afraid. After all, the last person you fell in love with lied about it and broke your heart. You couldn’t take much more. But this was different, somehow.

Maybe it started the first night you slept in his arms. 

It was just a normal night. As usual, a nightmare ripped you from sleep. It was a particularly bad one this time, your cheeks wet with tears as you made your way to the kitchen. But when you got there, the lights were off. Panic clawed up through your chest. You’d come to rely upon the chef in the dead of night, and now that he wasn’t here, you were scared to face your demons alone. So, fuck it, you thought. I’ll just go to him.

The men’s quarters were loud. Zoro’s snores cracked through the room, and general grunts and smells and sleepy noises were prevalent, but it didn’t matter. He was there, and he would make you feel okay again.

And once you’d crawled in beside him, and his arms automatically wrapped around you, you knew that there was no going back. You woke up in your own bed, having slept soundly for the first time in weeks.

That night when you met in the kitchen, there was a slight awkwardness that hadn’t been there before.

He cleared his throat. “Did you, uh, did you sleep okay last night?”

“I did. Best I have in a while, really. I’m so sorry if I overstepped or-”

“No! No, I’m sorry for not being here at our usual time-”

“Don’t be stupid!”

“Thank you for-”

“Thank you for-”

You both stopped and he cleared his throat again, cheeks bright red.

“Well, honestly? That’s the best I’ve slept in a while too. So, thanks. And I…” He paused as if building up some courage. “I wondered if you would maybe want to… Do it again sometime. But, you don’t have to and I don’t want you to feel like I’m coming on to you because I know you don’t want, like, romance or anything because of the situation with your ex and-” He began to ramble anxiously, bringing a small smile to your lips.

“Sanji, Sanji, stop! It’s okay! I… I would like that a lot. And so thank you.”

He stopped blabbering and clasped his hands together. “Really?” There was a sparkle in his eyes.

“Really,” you nodded. 

You both built a little routine together. If Sanji wasn’t already in the kitchen, then you’d go to him. Otherwise, you’d meet in the kitchen for your cup of tea, before retiring to his hammock in the men’s quarters. The noises of the sleeping crew around you didn’t bother you at all as you lay entwined in Sanji’s long arms.

One night, you made your way into the kitchen and stopped quietly in the doorway. Sanji had fallen asleep at the table waiting for you. You took in his sleeping figure, the way his sleep shirt clung to his arms and revealed some of his chest. His face was relaxed and peaceful, and god, was it beautiful. Shit, you thought. I’m in way too deep now.

You gently woke him up, and the look in his eyes when he saw your face sent your stomach dropping and mind shortcircuiting. 

“It’s you,” he whispered.

You nodded. “It’s me, Sanj. Let’s go to bed, hmm?”

He had that look on his face again, the one from before when you couldn’t figure it out. But now? Now you knew what it was. It was love. It was adoration. It was ‘you’re my comfort, my safety, you feel like home and I’m at peace’. He stood up and pulled you to his chest, groaning softly as he rested his chin on top of your head. You looked up at him, fondness in your eyes.

“Sanj?” You whispered.

“Yes, my darling YN?” His sleepy voice and eyes were too much. You stood up on your tiptoes and pressed a soft, swift kiss to his lips.

He stiffened, eyes wide. 

“Are you sure?” He whispered. 

You nodded.

His face brightened and burst into a lovesick grin, one hand settling at your waist, the other snaking up to hold the back of your head. He nudged his nose against yours as your lips met, the world melting around you both. He pulled back and rested his forehead against yours.

“I want to promise something to you right now,” he murmured. “I promise to protect you, to keep you safe, I promise I will never do anything that could possibly hurt you, and I will hunt down anyone who does. Thank you, YN, for showing me what love could be.”

“No, Sanj… Thank you for showing me.”

His eyes were brimming with tears too, but he laughed softly, unable to resist the urge to say:

“No, no. Thank you.” 

And with that, you went to the safety of Sanji’s hammock, entangled with one another as you pressed burning kisses to each others’ skin, his heavenly touch making you forget what life was like without him. You don’t know exactly when it started, but you know this will never end.

[captain-mj]

May I request sorta feral/primal soap with ghost? Like kink as a way of healing from feeling dehumanized by others.

I hope I interpreted this the right way? If not, just send me an another ask and I'll try again lol

Ghost knew Soap had a rough mission out there. He had been gone for almost three months, far longer than expected.

Simon waited on the tarmac to meet him. Naively, he dressed himself in a sweatshirt and sweatpants. It was rather late at night and he just wanted to see him. The cold started to seep him but he just ignored it.

Soap looked terrible when he first came in but his eyes found Ghost's immediately. His face still had the grease paint and tac gear on. No blood on his vest or dirt on his hands. Ghost could see something off about Soap. He didn't speak much and seemed to be picking at his fingernails out of boredom. Or maybe anxiety. Whatever it was, he had bloodied his fingers.

Ghost asked him if he wanted to sit with him in his room and Soap followed him. He missed something. Had to have.

Soap jumped him like a rabid dog. Primal play wasn't out of the ordinary for them, though it was usually talked extensively about beforehand and always at Ghost's, usually really embarrassed, request. Ghost was always the feral one. The one that Soap tamed.

But Soap was desperate and feral in a way that usually made Ghost's hair stand on end. He hated when people sexualized him. His trauma made being pinned down or out of control hard on him. It stressed him out and usually got him very much out of the mood.

However... Soap was so desperate. He rubbed up against Ghost's back, his cock hard against Ghost's back.

Ghost grabbed him hard to keep him still and turned around. Soap growled and tried to get pressed back up against him.

"Calm down, love. I'll give you what you want."

Soap nodded and swallowed thickly, looking over Ghost's body. He started to grab at him, groping along his waist and his ass. Growls came from his throat.

Ghost knew he should push him away. Soap may not be in his right mind. But the moment he tried to put some distance, Soap looked so upset.

"Fucking hell." Ghost grabbed him and pushed him to his bed. He started undoing his tac gear, happy to see that underneath it, he was a lot more clean. "Calm down, Johnny."

Soap yanked Ghost around and shoved him onto the bed. He straddled him and shoved his hands under Ghost's sweatshirt. Ghost tried to sit up and he got shoved back down.

Soap attacked his neck, biting and sucking greedily. Ghost had to slip off his ski mask because Soap didn't seem to mind just going through it. He kept rutting desperately against Ghost's thigh. His poor love was so wanting.

Soap got him undressed and tried to get himself on Ghost's cock.

Ghost stopped him immediately. "Soap, I'm going to hurt you wai-"

Soap smashed their lips together before spitting on his fingers. He held it up to Ghost who spit on them, watching their saliva mingle. He was quick to shove them in himself, whimpering into Ghost's throat. HIs mouth continued to work over Ghost's skin, eyes rolling back in his head.

Ghost had never felt so turned on his life. Soap had a tendency to get lost in pleasure, but this was something else. He seemed only half sane and more than a little feral.

The moment Soap wasn't in clear pain, he sat up and sank down on his cock. "Yes...." It was the first word Soap had bothered to mutter. He started to rock as hard as he could, moaning loudly. He buried his face into Ghost's chest now, losing himself to it.

Ghost groaned and tried to regain some control but Soap sank his teeth into his pec, drawing a little bit of blood. He moaned softly and turned his head away from Soap.

Soap grabbed him hard and forced him to look at him. They stared at each other as Soap rode him hard. They started to kiss and Ghost felt like his thoughts were melting.

There was just Soap.

He managed to speed up even more, panting hard. Ghost nipped his lip and Soap growled at him.

"Down boy. You can keep going."

Soap nodded and his eyes rolled back again. He just kept going, ignoring when he came all over Ghost's chest.

Ghost bit his lip and groaned. "You're so good. Such a good boy." It was so tight. So fucking tight.

Ghost came so hard he couldn't see for a minute. "Soap...."

Soap growled at him and continued rocking.

"What happened out there?"

"Didn't have you." Soap panted.

Ghost huffed out a little laugh. "Come on now. Couldn't be that bad."

Soap growled and Ghost's cock twitched where it was still embedded in Soap's hole. "Was that bad. Couldn't even have a wank in peace. Kept thinking about you."

Ghost hummed. "Come on. Get off of me."

"Nah. I have some making up to do. You're going to sit there and take it."

Ghost swallowed and Soap faltered immediately. "I didn't go too far, did I Simon?"

"Nah. Bloody hot." He grabbed the headboard. "Take what you need, yeah?"

Soap groaned and immediately started to ride him harder.

[alpaca-clouds]

Let me use Astarion as an excuse to talk about CPTSD

You know what? I think this might be a good moment to talk about CPTSD and how Astarion really is a textbook example of someone with CPTSD (though it is very likely that basically our entire main cast of characters in BG3 is suffering from it to some degree, they just are less textbook in their presentation).

Let me start with a simple question: What is CPTSD?

CPTSD is the shortened version of Complex PTSD, or rather Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. So, to dumb it down: It is like CPTSD, but it sucks a lot more.

While normally PTSD is caused by one traumatic event (like having a car accident, seeing a loved one die, being subjected to random violence at some point), while CPTSD is caused by a traumatic situation that goes on for a while or repeats several times. In the western world, we see a lot of CPTSD in survivors of parental abuse or intimate partner abuse. Aka, traumatic situations that went on for a longer while. You will also find CPTSD in some people from marginalized groups, as the traumatic situation of discrimination is constantly repeating. And of course you will find it in survivors of war or similar ongoing events.

PTSD will often lead to having triggers related to the trauma, showing avoidance behavior towards possibly triggering situations. It might also lead to flashbacks, nightmares, and a raised awareness/carefulness, often especially regarding relations with other people (though this might depend on the traumatic event it stems from).

CPTSD will have all of that, but often in more complex ways (as a longer experience will allow for complex triggers to develop - and a lot more situa´tions to become triggers as well), but it will also lead to a difficulty to regulate emotions, a general mistrust towards other people, inability to have healthy relationships, prolonged moments of dissociations, a generally negative perception of the world and events, feelings of worthlessness and internalized shame.

It should also be noted that in many cases the symptoms of CPTSD only start showing, once the traumatized person is removed from the traumatizing situation.

Neurally the reason for CPTSD is basically, that the nervous system is put into a prolonged survival mode. Which is also why the symptoms often trigger after the survivor is removed trauma inducing situation.

And, oh look, it is Astarion lol

Looking at the character from this perspetive, you really see pretty much all the symptoms in him.

Does he struggle with regulating his emotions? Fuck yeah, he does. He tries to regulate them, but he very often fails at it.

Does he get triggered by some situations? Yeah, it does. (You get that especially when you play his origin.)

He is super mistrustful towards other people - which is also why he does not intermingle with other people that much.

His view of most things as negative is also fairly clear - I also would argue that his "let's kill some puppies and kittens" behavior is also very closely connected to this.

And that he struggles with feelings of worthlessness and shame is again something that is found in the text.

He really is a very textbook example of CPTSD, which also brings me back to what I already talked about this week: Both CPTSD and PTSD will permanently change the nervous system. Which as far as we know will never quite go away. (Like, not to be a nerd, but there has been some recent research, that has shown that certain medication might permanently eleviate some symptoms - but not heal it totally.) It is basically scars from a nervous injury, if you wanna think of it like that.

You can however learn to live with the symptoms and learn techniques to regulate them. If you have read any of my Tavstarion stories (like this one), I bring some of those techniques into that. Stuff like breathing techniques or techniques to get your brain out of a flashback spiral (like consciously perceiving your surroundings). But to learn to deal with it, you also need to confront the trauma, which is probably the hardest thing to get Astarion to do, because he seems to be very avoidant. Like, his entire "I need to ascend" thingie is all avoidant behavior. Basically, he wants all that power that comes with ascending to prevent him from ever ending up in a situation that would be in any way similar to his trauma again.

But even if he does not ascend, there is a good chance he will still show a lot of avoidant behavior in the future.

When I write him, there is a reason that I do not have him leave home for a good seven months outside of what he has to do (like feeding). Which is very typical avoidant behavior.

The thing is that often trauma and especially CPTSD is not always the very big reactions - though those might be there too - but a lot of those more muted things. Avoiding going outside. Avoiding new situations. Being just a bit anxious. Feeling that nice things are done with bad intentions. Things like that.

Just, you know... A heads up.

[kafus]

i am a very medical person when it comes to DID, like i've researched my own condition and been in professional DID therapy for four years now, and i am very passionate about being a person with a disorder/disability, in a grounded sense. i have a lot of frustration toward the internet's treatment of DID as some sort of magical/mystical thing, something that would make a person with DID vastly different from anyone else. DID is just PTSD pushed to its most complex, yaddayadda i won't go on a psychology/science ramble here. but.

at the same time DID directly influences your experience with life and identity since you are a child, a traumatized child at that, and it is an experience i have been living all my life. it is impossible to remove my DID from me, similar (but not exactly the same of course) to how it is impossible to separate me from my autism. my brain developed this way and even if i wanted & achieved "final fusion" i would still always have a DID brain that could split again in the future.

so while i strongly acknowledge that i have a disorder and want to be viewed as such, it's not ALL that. DID influences every aspect of my identity and life and therefore it is empowering to talk about it, make art about it, just be a person with alters. i certainly do not love having trauma and all the bullshit that comes with it but it has been essential to my work-in-progress healing to embrace the parts (no pun intended) of my experience that DON'T all fucking suck. i love disabled joy and part of that for me personally is finding joy with DID. it's like please do not forget this disorder and the shit i went through is horrific but also i am still a person and i experience joy and that joy is inseparable from my DID because my DID is inseparable from everything.

does this make sense. i hope it makes sense. i'm brainfogged as shit right now this might come off as word salad for all i know but i'm doing my best because i'm randomly really emotional about this tonight lol

[chemical-killjoy]

OK, so here's the thing. I just watched the Fortnight video and listened to Who's Afraid of Little Old Me for the first time... I'm having thoughts.

First of all, while I DON'T like Taylor (as will become evident in this post) I can appreciate WAOLOM, because it do be a bop, and the lyrics in Fortnight are (while cringy) also pretty good. Just cause I don't like her doesn't mean she sucks at what she does, just like how some of her songs are good doesn't mean all are or that it's all because of her with no help in penning them.

Next. Fortnight. So first of all, it's incredibly fucked up to be talking about alcoholism from someone who hasn't struggled (and if she has, I retract that statement... but since she hasn't spoken about it, I think it's another one of her metaphors), and the psychward-chic?? What the actual FUCK??? Look, as someone who has been in psych wards multiple times... you cannot be making that shit glamorous. You don't get to show med times, you don't get to show ECT, without some kind of disclaimer, knowledge, understanding or experience. It's not all ballgowns and doctor saving you. It's horrible.

So she's glamourising mental illness. Fucking, fine. Everyone on TikTok seems to be, so fine. But going further with ECT?? For those who don't know, ECT stands for electroconvulsive therapy, and if you're thinking that sounds like electroshock therapy... it is. It's the same thing, rebranded and "tamed". And it's NOT A THING OF THE PAST. I know someone who got ECT done. And while it seems to have helped her, it's fucking horrendous. I'm not going into the side effects or the process, but it's a last resort. Even medically, it's a last resort, it's horrendous. I mean for fuck's sake, I know where people get it done, and I've been there (not to have it done, but for talk therapy). It's not fucking nice! It's not chic, it's not fun times, you don't get black and white film and lipstick. I can't even try to understand why you'd glamourise something so fucked up just for public attention. There's a difference between making things creepy, pushing boundaries in artistic senses, and making some of the worst times of people's lives into a break up song. What the actual fuck is wrong with her?? Also, to reiterate, I wouldn't call it ableism, as much as just fucking horrendous.

Then there's WAOLOM (I can't be bothered to keep typing it lol). Ngl, it's a banger, it's a vibe, and it's kinda relatable through both the trauma and female rage lense that I think she's going for. So, well done with that I guess. But the thing I have a problem with in this... Look man, if that's genuinely how she feels? I hope she gets help. Being caged is awful, and being twisted into a monster, also not fun. I know there was the whole snake fiasco that definitely would've been traumatic, and I hope she's OK and can heal from that. But in the song... it's so fucking self absorbed. Like no. Not everything is about you, as much as you try to make it that way (and unfortunately swifties are making that so). Ngl, the asylum where they raised me part, I mean her dad doesn't sound fun to grow up with if you think about it, but there's more psych ward imagery which pisses me off from someone who hasn't suffered that much!! Like sure, what she's been through is shit, I relate to some of it and so understand, but you can't go around like your pain is the worst in the world. It fucking isn't. At least you can afford the therapy for it Taylor, some of us can't. And the "I'll sue you" part? She literally has sued people for small shit!!

TL;DR: Fortnight video is FUCKING WRONG AND FUCKED UP and I wanna punch her for it and ECT is not a thing of the past, and Who's Afraid Of Little Old Me is a banger, but she's incredibly self-centred and if she actually feels what she wrote in that song I hope she gets the help she needs (/gen)

[deathsbestgirl]

@calimanc okay the william part. i know this won't be popular but i also love it lol (surprise, surprise)

i completely understand why people hate that scully gave william up, but i just don't see any other choice. if mulder didn't leave (because dd sucked lol) it may have worked for them to keep him. but children on a show like this really change things.

it's so freaking bittersweet seeing scully & mulder with william. it's something they both wanted more than they ever let on, than they ever dared to voice.

mulder is william's father, i really don't think there's any doubt about it. they were sleeping together, they were in a romantic relationship, they love each other beyond what anyone can understand. they're two people filled with miracles and this time, they got one they wanted most. it's fucking beautiful. it may undermine her struggle with infertility, like so many other shows do, but this show is built on the impossible & the fantastic, the paranormal & miracles & magic & science. imo, it's perfectly in line with everything else. mulder & scully are the light in dark places, and they desperately needed some light themselves at this time. it's so painful once they're back together and they don't have william, but the logistics would have been so much harder with a baby on the run.

and the truth is, i think it was the only way it could really go. i don't think there was another option. scully would never give up her baby, except when she thinks it's the only way to keep him safe & ensure he lives a full life, a normal life, the possibility of a happy life. it's something she never recovers from. it's the only thing, besides losing mulder, that would break her. it takes scully two decades to face it, and not until she's forced to when they find william. scully is so avoidant of her trauma and she can only face it when she has mulder to put her back up against. mulder lived in his trauma for most of his life. by the revival, i think he's finally started to move "past" it. but william is a deep wound for them both. they lost their chance to be parents, to be a family. to experience their version of normal with a child they always wanted. i can't even comprehend the pain & grief & loss & trauma of this. but somehow, i think this made mulder more stable. he had to live with consequences of it, and grief & some guilt, but not the same way scully had to. if there's one thing these two are good at, it's putting the other first when they need it. mulder sets aside his own because scully can't be rational, can't be strong the way she's always been. this is her weakest spot, her mother mentioning william is what made her absolutely lose it when maggie died. it's sooooo painful, literally beyond comprehension (for me) but i've always been a sucker for pain & grief & angst. it's one of the most human experiences and ddga are just. so good at portraying it.

(csm is a LIAR — it's possible he had a hand in it, given en ami. but he did not impregnate scully. i know people go on about the medicine & science, but like. it's sci-fi. the science doesn't need to be real or accurate. like how many medical dramas are out there with inaccurate medicine lolllll anyway, i do think it's a possibility he gave her some kind of medication to reverse the effects of what they did to her before OR the chip finally healed her. the chip caused her to go into remission, and it's a possibility the technology of the chip is what that guy was trying to give scully. the cure to all disease. anyway. that's just my two cents on that.)

[casualdadnomad]

i am back with more headcanons! today we got college gaang x going to the gym!!

masterpost (>ᴗ•)

college athletes: suki, ty lee, toph, sokka

suki’s colorguard stuff is a killer workout in itself (ex guard girl here, i was jacked)

and being the captain of the self defense club, it’s kind of accepted she could knock you the fuck out

ty lee being a cheerleader also gives her an insane amount of muscle but it’s less visible and more just strength

so she just looks completely normal and then BAM she puts zuko in a shoulder sit

the ty lee cheerleader arc is something i want to go into more detail on so someone please tell me to do it so i have an excuse to

toph being on the rugby team is something so close to my heart

she does lifting, conditioning, rugby practice etc all ON TOP of the earth bending she’s doing on the daily

she is 5’0” of pure muscle

sokka is on the fencing team which is more agility centered than strength centered

he’s fast, he has a great reaction time and hand eye coordination

something will fall and he will catch it so fast

like wow i didn’t know spider-man was here

i also headcanon he can just do a backflip. like he’s one of those backflip guys i’m sure you know one

absolute gym bros: katara, azula, zuko

katara was field hockey captain in high school but didn’t continue in college

she is a busy woman and has so many passions to spend her time on in college!

she does however hit the gym regularly she loves the gym

her and zuko are gym buddies :)

zuko is huge man i feel like this is not explored enough in fanon HE KICKED THROUGH A WOODEN TABLE??????????

me when i see fanart of zuko that lets him be strong!!!!!!!!!!!! 😁😁👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼

he works out all the time because he realized young that being bad at bending sucks but he could just get as good as possible as good old acoustic combat

azula works out as part of her healing process

good way to get her anger out

boxing is one of her favorite workouts but she also is a part of a firebending club

mock trial? try mock agni kai

great way to make friends while keeping her skills sharp

plus having a firebending major is a lot of exercise in itself

same with katara and toph and the other bending majors

mai spends enough time working on precision with knife throwing that her reflexes are also good, better than sokkas for sure

but if you asked her to run a mile she’d laugh in your face

katara gets ripped for bending, aang is ripped from bending

he can’t major in airbending cause he’s the only one but he spends a lot of time keeping his skills sharp

he actually compulsively practices because he’s afraid he will forget something and some aspect a irbending culture will be lost to time but that’s another post i could make like and subscribe for the gaang trauma responses post

his endurance is great from sparring and airbending and he also loves running

he is the only one in the gaang who loves running (only one in the gaang who will run willingly at all)

as much as the gaang, who canonically are fighters, love physical activity, they also love being so very lazy! they don’t get a chance to be lazy often so they will take any chance to give their bodies a rest they can in my au

rest is just as important as being active :)

okay that’s all for tonight! can u tell im a tired student athlete and am projecting lol ok i have to go to bed cause i got class tomorrow thanks for reading !

[yurki-posts]

Do you have any oc?? :0

(Not talking 'bout ur persona, im asking like-- an oc or sssstory w ocsss?? lmao---) 👉👈💐

YEESSSSSS I DO!!!!! I have many, many ocs buuuut I lost the pictures of most of them and they don't have a real story yet- so imma just share some of them who I have pictures for and also a little of lore! (please god im begging for the guys in the discord server not to find this or im fucking dead)

Ocs under the cut! (It's quite long and messy so be prepared for lore dump in the second half because it's my personal favorite)

First we have my main oc and the first one I created all by myself! (which means without external help like a character maker or dress up game); Vinn!

(credits of the art to my irl bestie I luv ya!!!)

As you can see, they're a colorful ball. His desing is obviously based on Polandball/Countryballs, where the countries are balls with white eyes. Originally they were going to be their own countryball but I decided to use him as a persona for many years until Yurki came in ;)

Don't let their colors and cuteness foul you, they were banished to hell after burning down uncountable villages and forests. He was obsessed with fire in such a sick way, he was often called an arsonist (rightfully so) by the passersby.

Once in Hell, they lost most of their already damaged mind. They set Hell itself on fire and flames, and before he could reach the last corner of it, he was captured and kicked out of hell, and found himself in a new planet ready to be set on fire with their flamethrower, although it would bring many surprises he couldn't have ever imagined.

That's pretty much a summary of their lore. He loves fire (what a surprise!) and they are best friends with the element of fire of that universe. They don't have many abilities that aren't just advantages of being a ball, but he can breathe fire if that's something. Their story actually continues but it's all written in spanish so I doubt it's even worth to link it here lol.

_______________________________________________

And now...We have many here that I actually do want to work on but idk how to write lol

They're made in Gacha Life 2 if anyone wonders why they don't look drawn.

So in the pictures we have a couple of them, but I actually don't have names for anyone but the green one because I SUCK AT NAMES.

So... anyways the green one is Stunail. The Moth girl is his cousin who has social anxiety and the Butterfly is his older sister. The two dragons are caretakers of a botanical garden and they're friends with Stunail and his cousin.

In that universe, humans are mixed with bugs and other kind of species. There's no racism, but golly there is a lot of specism (discrimination against other species. Not to be confused with Speciesism. Yes I just made that first word out). There's special hatred towards "dirty" and "useless" species, such as Snails, Flies/Mosquitoes, Cockroaches, Rats, and a few more.

Some of them are banned in public spaces in the most specist regions (which are fortunately very few) and have a hard time getting employed, and if they do get employed they usually get paid less than a "normal" species. Some are seen as dangerous and scary, and others as a waste of air and useless to society.

Ofc it's not super obvious at first sight, but it's the subtle things that makes the specism stand out. Looking weird at them, sitting somewhere else if they sit next to you, put your children to play with a different kid in the playground, ignore if they're talking, avoid them if they're seen.

I'm unsure of what this story would follow, but I think it would be about Stunail proving the world that their and other hated species can be as capable and "normal" as any other species, and that they shouldn't be discriminated for their mere existence, and have the same rights as the rest of the species. Alongside Moth Girl's character development where she manages to, slowly, heal from her trauma and social anxiety.

Ohhh and here are some ✨side charaters✨ I also made

The only one with a name (again😞) is the mermaid, Merman! (although I might change his name because it's a little plain). The sheeps are twin brothers, the squid girl is an important administrator of the Eastern Ocean Empire, and Merman is the Monarch of the sea species in the Western side of this last mentioned Empire.

I plan for all of them to connect in one way or another to Stunail and his friends, but I still need to figure that part out "- -

Damn that was a lot of yapping. Hope whoever read all this liked it ^^ I appretiate any opinions about this last one specifically because it's something I actually wanna end up doing somehow.

(Please suggest names im begging on the floor rn)

[lesbian-lovr-girl]

Hiya anyone who happens to see this. I’m crying in bed with my cat right now lol and I have some big heavy thoughts and honestly, I’m starting to find some comfort in writing them down here and getting them out of my head.

I spent my first close to 35 years absolutely consumed with guilt. Guilt about my mental health issues, guilt about what I didn’t know at the time were traumas, just constant guilt and shame. Because I believed everything ‘wrong’ with me and all of the unintended consequences involved with having issues like those was my fault.

Now, I no longer think that. I don’t at all believe that it is my fault. I understand CPTSD now I understand just everything in a whole different way and I was able to shake the guilt and shame part of things.

But now here I am a few years into healing and doing everything as ‘right’ as I can. Therapy, meds, taking care of my spaces etc. I started working full-time again in January after years not and before I started, I was making such great progress mental healthwise. But once the job started it just all became too much my meds don’t work anymore. I’m having weird reactions to them. My anxiety is crippling. I’m watching so many things I worked hard for fall away and it’s breaking my heart. I feel completely disabled right now.

I’m doing all the things. but every day is still too much. I’ve been on medical leave from work because it’s too much and I am going to the hospital this evening to enter what I’m told is a great medication program. I tried it 10 weeks ago and I was very uncomfortable and I left after a day. But after a lot of thinking and working with my therapist, it’s my only good option. Logistically I’m out of options. I have to be back at work at August 15 and I have to do something because it’s a great job.

And I really don’t wanna go. I don’t like people making me feel small or unintelligent or disrespecting me and I just don’t know how this is going to go. But I’m gonna try to suck it up and do it. I feel like it’s my last chance and I have cycled through so many different medication’s in my life and I keep being told this is the best group of prescribers that I could see.

All of this to say, guilt and shame used to beat me into the ground every day and I am excited as fuck that I don’t blame myself anymore. That is serious progress. But now I am just fucking angry. It’s unfair. It’s sad, it’s frustrating. so yeah, I’m just angry. And that’s not something I let myself be very often but as these months go on, I am honestly just furious at everything that’s ever happened that made me how I am. And I’m sick of feeling isolated because of it.

Ughhhh wish me luck please.

[scarletfish]

as much as we talk about Neil being an unreliable narrator, I want to point out re: the treatment of Kevin's trauma...

neil spends nearly 2 books going "oh, riko? lol I've got WAY bigger problems my skeletons are so much scarier than this one kid our age could ever be. man up, Kevin."

BUT THEN. NEIL GOES TO EVERMORE.

and it fucking BREAKS him, y'all. no, he doesn't sign the contract - but he comes back a WRECK, ready to cut his own face off and begging wymack for help. he was there for two weeks.

kevin and jean GREW UP THERE.

I'm just saying... neil and the rest of the team shit on kevin quite a bit bc from their perspective, based SOLELY on media perception and the (I believe) VERY minimal facts kevin shares about Evermore, they see a spoiled, arrogant star who pissed off the wrong person and got hurt.

i don't think the team is just like "boo hoo you were horrifically abused suck it up we love neil more," i think they have no idea what he went through (and, sure, didn't put much effort in to find out bc Kevin's personality is more abrasive).

anyway, while i think neil is dealing with too much shit in tkm to really process what this means and extend understanding to kevin, I'd hope over the next few years that he does that work and kevin feels more comfortable slowly sharing details with the team and getting his own reassurances that what happened was fucked up and celebrating his small steps toward healing

[ongreenergrasses]

Best and worst take you have? That you've seen?

thank you for responding earlier!! this is so subjective anon, really idk if you will agree with me but you are now subject to my biases so!

my current personal favorite take (let’s be real here. I love all my takes and I think I’m right or I wouldn’t post them) that I just got reinforced in me with the power of a thousand suns is that actually…the way Finnick delivers his speech in mj pt 1…it’s so solid. it’s so realistic. and i can tell you now that i sat in a room recently and i had someone stand there and tell me in excruciating detail the many ways in which experiencing trauma can impact client testimony in a court of law, and i said you know what. i highly doubt Francis Lawrence has encountered any of this information in his life and i think he is truly just a lazy director in this regard but he has somehow managed to create a deeply realistic portrayal of someone voicing their trauma in an incredibly high stakes situation in tandem with the actor purely by accident and i’m not mad about it.

the take that everyone consistently hates from me is that i don’t like Katniss’s ending. i have expanded on why at length but i don’t like it and i have yet to see people tackle any of the reasons why I don’t like it in a way that isn’t like. just hand wavy or “she healed over time”. yes she did! it probably sucked and was painful and awful and she worked so so hard! but it isn’t actually a great answer for how some of her convictions did an about face! not to be excessively mean but i think that Suzanne Collins did that epilogue because it is a convention of the YA genre for protagonist to end up married with babies. i don’t think it’s deeper than that writing wise, which means i don’t like it. but this makes people mad lol

honestly? my friends have the best takes. they do!!! and most of them don’t post them but they say such brilliant things!!! but I think the singular best take i’ve seen and think about a lot is that ask from Tigris anon. Tigris anon, i hope you know that I think about that constantly because you’re right!!! you’re so fucking right!!! you’re unbelievably perceptive and you’re right!!! (I’ll dig it out and rb)

worst takes, holy hell idk if you’re an odesta person but uh. that pairing is ripe for absolutely rancid takes. i’m not going to put the worst take i’ve seen on blast because I don’t want to cause drama but i will say it was incredibly viscerally upsetting to me as a mentally ill person. (fun fact. I got so upset just thinking about this take that I typed two fucking paragraphs and have now come back and edited. if you saw what I said before, no you didn’t lol.) but it truly, truly upset me because it was in its own way deeply ableist and I think a lot of how odesta is handled fluctuates from the erasure of all mental health issues (Finnick) to making sole characterization be struggling with mental health issues (Annie) and that’s challenging. it’s hard to write. it’s hard to keep interrogating my own biases and improving. and a lot of takes about them are deeply ableist and awful. so!

[dallasurr]

i feel so hurt and upset about Simon he needed to heal too

i can't sleep at night sometimes

I know this is so random but i don't care i feel so hurt by the idea of everyone healing but him dead and bound to be forgetten. .. i want him feel good i want to get him out of there.

I've said this before but as much as I'd like to see the series to its planned end, I'm not that unhappy about not getting season 5. It would be really hard for me to see Amelia get a redemption or her exit when she went on the train as a fully mature adult in her 30s, and did wayyyy worse things than Simon did. Although she was mentally unstable at the time she got on the train, it doesn't seem like she had a history of mental illness before Alrick died.

What Simon did to Grace and Hazel was fucked up, I can wrap my head around his justification for killing Tuba and I'm not the person to debate about this bc I straight up didn't like Tuba. She went out of her way to kidnap and scare Grace and Simon, who would have probably found the exit to the car and went on their way the next day without her interference, and I'm of the opinion that she put both herself and Hazel in danger with her little prank. I know we wouldn't have a story without it, and it doesn't justify her death, but literally from their first interaction she showed Simon she can be hostile and dangerous. And while she warmed up to Grace (according to Grace lol I didn't see much friendly interaction between them at all, just Grace enjoying/admiring the way she interacted with Hazel), Simon always got attitude from her, I can't blame him for not warming up to her.

Simon might have been 18 at the time of his season but let's be honest, both he and Grace were very immature and justifiably so. They only had each other and their delusions for years and years before they became guardians themselves. The train has proven itself to be dangerous, and proved how high the stakes are when he died, but people act like he was a fucking monster for doing what he thought he needed to protect himself, grace and hazel from a perceived threat. He could have been a little more tactful with explaining what happened, or lied about it, but like tbh as a neurodivergent person myself who sees Simon as someone who is on the autism spectrum, I REALLY struggle with lying and deceiving people so I can understand why he just blurted out the truth without any thought.

I do think one of the most irredeemable things he did was dehumanize Grace and trap her in her memories, whether or not he knew it could kill her (I assume he didn't bc the Cat as usual didn't explain shit to him) the way he pushed her over and walks away makes me nauseous.

But I certainly don't think he deserved to die for that, and I think the series would have been a lot better if instead of kicking her off the train again (which at this point in the scene felt kind of slapstick i'm ngl), Simon finally broke out of his paranoid and delusional thought patterns and they were able to drag everyone back into the mall car for a heart to heart.

In my head in episodes 9 and 10 he's a lot like Catra in The Portal episodes, but instead of getting 2 more seasons after his fall from grace (lol) to recover and heal and fix his issues, he just got killed instead.

And it sucks because dude was clearly mentally ill and traumatized, and as someone who has mental illness and trauma that can make me act out sometimes too, who also struggles to read the room and understand what people want from me if they don't tell me directly, who ALSO had parents that didn't have my best interests as even a consideration to whatever they could gain from me, it kind of reinforces my anxiety which tells me that I deserve to suffer because of x y z stupid thing I did or said 5, 10, even 20 years ago.

(and before anyone says simon had all the chances to change and grow that grace did, please rewatch the season, he absolutely did not and all of the events that led to grace growing as a person happened when simon wasn't around, yes he was immature in a lot of moments but dude literally did not have a normal adolescence and to expect him to act like a fucking adult all the time after that is ridiculous)

[featherlouise]

So what happens after Hollow attacks their father? How do their parents deal with it? How are they treated afterwards?

Also, is the whole vessel plan discarded? What does PK do about Radiance? Also, how would other people who were involved or knew about the plan (like the dreamers or five great knights) react to this turn of events?

Sorry for all the questions djdbfn I love your AU 🥺👉👈

Pls don't apologize for asking questions !!!

I love gushing about my characters/ AUs lmao

Okok so I'm gonna try my best to answer all ur qs

(also u are under no obligation to read all of this, it turned out a lot longer than I expected :D)

1. Basically, after the attack (I'm assuming u mean after Hollow stabs themself but if not I'd be happy to talk about the actual confrontation lol) there's a lot of panic regarding whether Hollow's going to survive or not, so there's not really any time to properly process the whole "holy fuck the thing I thought was a bastardisation of the corpse of my child is actually just my child," so it's only after Hollow's been stabilised that I can imagine PK and WL sitting down and coming to terms with it.

The infection REALLY does a number on u, both mind and body, so Hollow's basically just snoozing in some sort of (dreamless) healing coma while their parents have a breakdown at their bedside. I imagine PK and WL's relationship to have been pretty strained since the vessel plan was enacted, like they still love each other but they can't really seem to agree on anything anymore.

Ditching the vessel plan is the first thing they've wholly agreed on in 17 years.

2. So! Immediately after they wake up, I think there'd be a lot of overcompensation on WL's part. She was never a mother to Hollow and she feels IMMENSELY guilty about that fact, so she'd probably start trying to be super motherly to them, giving them food, being affectionate, trying to start conversations, etc, which freaks Hollow tf out bc it's a COMPLETE 180 to how she interacted with them before. Before the reveal, she was super detached, kind of like she is towards Ghost in the game, mostly in an attempt to remove herself from the entire situation?? Like if she doesn't acknowledge them she can't get lost in her grief?? Cuz I imagine she genuinely believed that the void had sucked out her child's soul and was piloting around their corpse (or something of the like) and then there's the GUILT of the whole situation, KNOWING that you had a part to play in the death of so many of your children, that you were complicit to something so cruel?? I don't think she'd be able to truly face it, so she basically just let herself ignore them. And the most she ever really saw of them was when they were sent to guard her gardens and Hornet dragged them from their post.

So. Now she's seizing the opportunity to finally get to know her child, but she's also not really taking their feelings into account on top of ignoring the very real trauma that Hollow has from being treated like a glorified roomba their entire life. Her main coping strategy seems to be to just. Ignore her problems lmao (she like me fr fr)

3. SO. Pk. Whooo boy.

At this point, I don't think he'd realise that Hollow was never hollow, bc then he'd have to face the possibility that none of the vessels were hollow, and if that's the case, how many of his children has he killed?? He knows a fair few of the vessels were stillborn, but how many hatched and died at the bottom of the abyss, cold and alone and scared??

(Yes the vessels hatched, yes this is a gijinka au where most people are born like humans. Higher beings are weird and also non human, moving on)

So PK at this point believes that at some point while growing up, Hollow had an idea instilled and,, gained consciousness?? Ig?? And he likely blames himself bc of course he does.

With PK there's a lot of guilt there, which I think would mostly lead to complete avoidance, bc "surely my child doesn't want to see me after how I've treated them, I'd better give them space,"

Meanwhile Hollow is wondering whether their fears truly have come true and their father does hate them for not being pure.

Just. A lot of miscommunication.

When they finally talk it out, there WILL be tears.

4. The Dreamers!!

With Herrah, I think she'd be a pretty big support for Hollow during their recovery. I don't think Herrah was ever truly convinced that Hollow was pure?? Like she witnessed a lot of small moments between them and her daughter while they thought nobody was looking, along with subtle mannerisms that just. Wouldn't be there if they were pure.

Like, Hornet once roped them into playing hide and seek with her, and as smart as her baby is, the Pure Vessel, were they completely hollow, would only be able to act when given orders, and there's no way a 5 year old managed to give complex enough orders for them to be able to follow. She probably just yelled at them to play with her and they did lmao (bc they can't say no to their bby sister duh)

Herrah was also on the outside, so there was no reason for her to go into denial or detach herself the way Hollow's parents did, so she'd be much more likely to notice them shifting on their feet, their ear flicking when they tune into a nearby conversation, the way they'd lean into any and all contact with other people, how reluctant they are to let Hornet down when she no longer wants to be carried by them, etc etc.

Herrah may be titled the Beast, but she's not stupid. However, at this point, she's seen them spar with the Knights, she knows that they would be able to escape unnoticed if they wanted to, they're definitely skilled enough. So that means that if they end up being sealed inside the temple, it's their decision, and she respects them for that.

She also notices how reverently they treat their little sister, so if nothing else, they can bond over their mutual adoration of her.

Herrah's a pretty abrasive woman, loud and unapologetic, so I figure she'd be a nice change to the coddling of their mother, and Herrah ends up promising them a place in deepnest if they ever feel the need to escape the palace.

Herrah's the only dreamer I've really thought about?? And since she was there when the incident happened, she's very present for pretty much the entirety of Hollow's recovery. The other 2 don't really come into it till later, so for now let's just say they're all probably pretty relieved that they don't have to sacrifice themselves anymore lmao.

5. The 5 Great Knights!!

I don't have anything super specific about these guys yet? But I imagine they'd be friendly to Hollow. Hollow looks up to them all quite a lot and they were probably the closest things they had to friends growing up?? But honestly not much really changed there except they start trying to bring them into conversations, and they're always willing to spar if Hollow ever wants to.

6. Finally, RADIANCE!!

So I imagine that after Hollow has stabilised, PK will immediately start trying to distract himself by basically preparing for war. If it wasn't personal before, it definitely is now. The Radiance discovered his child's sentience before anyone else and what's the first thing she does?? Turn them into a weapon to be used against him (slightly hypocritical of u there my guy)

There's probably a lot of feelingsy bullshit that everyone (ESPECIALLY the royal family) needs to work thru before any action can really be made against Radi, so for the most part she's just simmering in the background. Her who was probably bruised when Hollow managed to wrestle control away from her so she's probably licking her wounds in the dream realm, but after a few months, infection rates start to REALLY spike again, because she is PISSED.

I could make PK and Radi duke it out but I kinda wanna lean into Hollow’s empathy?? Like they’re hyper empathetic and I feel like after having Radi in their head for a while they’d come to understand her anger?? Like they still want her gone but they understand that she has every reason to be pissed at PK, at least from her pov. (I’ll get into Hollow’s feelings regarding Radi in a later post bc this is getting ridiculously long now lmao)

So maybe eventually they can come to an agreement with Radi?? I’m not sure on the details but I don’t think I wanna just kill her off.

WOW this was really long, sry if it’s super rambly I’m basically just word vomiting into my notes app lol

And if you’ve read this far, ty!! Glad u love my blorbos as much as I do （ ＾ν＾）

[dadsdaugther]

i sent the ask before about this about me relating to your situation with A and M, and i thought id share my situation again, for like, solidarity. the guy i was sleeping with didnt want a romantic relationship, it seemed like he didnt know what he wanted at all. he was really bad at communicating what he wanted and the only way ive heard about whats going on with him this past week is through our mutual friend/his ex/my ex fwb (its complicated lmao). it sucks because i really liked him and really wanted to be in a relationship. the sex was romantic for me. ive been thinking of him while im horny/while jerking off because the sex fulfilled my need for touch and connection too. but when im done being horny i have to remind myself that he didnt have the same feelings as me and to chase after him knowing that would only show that i have no self respect. u deserve someone that is on the same page as u. thats just my two cents and advice for the both of us lol. good luck xx

🎮 anon in case i come back? lol

hiiiii, awww 🎮 anon🥺😭 this broke my heart a little bc I know all these feelings so fucking well😭 and that’s exactly what I’ve been learning with A. It hurts your self worth every time you chase someone that has made their choice about you or a relationship in general. annndddd always remember that their decision is a projection of their own insecurities and unhealed trauma and in the end it doesn’t have anything to do with you 🥺 (I’m also saying this to remind myself)

I hope you heal from it and you deserve someone that wants the same as you too !!🥺🩷

thank you so much for the support and this ask<33

[polyhexian]

i bet eventually jaspers face HURTS when hes sick good lord

Jasper's face probably ALWAYS hurts lol

MH:

Jasper let out a deep sigh in his sleep, strands of corn-stalk hair falling across his forehead past the wrinkled red-pink flesh of his scars. His face looked as peaceful as it ever did, but the way that the skin had healed pulled one of his eyebrows down in a look of mock worry, and the bridge of his nose up almost until a snarl. One of his eyelids was so deformed that it didn't quite close all the way when he was asleep, showing just a sliver of pink between them. The smallest cut tore through his lips and pulled one into a minute but immutable scowl.

That's his canon timeline scars so it's also most of eventually. But I've interpreted hunters possession scars not like the scars you get from cuts, but from burns or acid. So his face is all manner of fucked up now. He had the slashes but now they've sort of bled out so it's just his whole face now, both eyes, nose, most of his lips. And then it goes down on his right jaw and down his neck and into his chest. The skin is stiff and painful when he moves it too much. So big expressions hurt. Which means scowling- but also smiling. For someone like jasper, I think, the fact that smiling is painful is particularly... Tragic. I think it also makes his eyelids stiff in a way that means he's always aware of when he's blinking, if you've ever had something on your eyelids in a way that makes you constantly aware of them instead of just doing it autonomously it is... Very exhausting and stressful.

And then of course there's the sun. His face is going to burn so easily. It's gonna itch when he's outside.

He spent almost all of his life in a mask. I'm sure he very much wishes he could still wear one both because he doesn't want anyone looking at him but also because it just straight up fucking hurts. But he wants very much to be Jasper even if being jasper kind of sucks ass a lot of the time.

He's just a sad wet cat of a man here. Pathetic. Miserable. Face all fucked up. Epilepsy. Some brain damage. Unbelievable trauma and mental health problems. Has had a bird nannying him most of his life and the bird is dead.

It's very hard for anyone in his general vicinity not to feel at least a little pity for him lmfao I mean. Jesus Christ. Look at him