#yeah idk what i’m saying anymore
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me: i should start watching something new!
also me:
#AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN#never too many rewatches#ugh season one dynamic is just so sexy#i love them all but#season one hits soooo hard#will’s faith and trust in hannibal#HIM THINKING HANNIBALS BEING HIS PADDLE WHILST HANNIBAL IS#in denial about his big fat crush and continues to set will up for framing#season one where hannibal holds all the cards vs season two where will betrays him#yeah idk what i’m saying anymore#hannibal nbc#will graham#hannibal lecter#hannigram
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Okay can I be a bitter Anders fan for like. Just 2 minutes here lmao
Cause bioware released some game stats for veilguard and apparently 72% of players redeemed Solas which is like. Okay yeah the game kinda pushes you towards that. But when I think of all the shit I used to have to put up with just for enjoying Anders like at all and…
(This is not me being anti-Solas, I do not care if you love or hate him, but I am gonna say what he’s done is like. Objectively worse than literally every other companion so lmao. And that’s fine! You can still enjoy him! I’m not saying you can’t and it’s important to me that people understand that! I’m just saying he did in fact do objectively morally worse things in game than Anders did and I don’t think that’s really debatable. And I can’t really make my point here without saying that but I do want to make it clear this is not some moral condemnation of Solas enjoyers cause it’s not)
Getting anon hate on the regular, being told “oh you’re allowed to like Anders as long as you regularly talk about how much he sucks”, people gleefully describing how much fun they have killing him ON your posts about the fact that you like him, the devs making jokes about shitty fates for him when fans asked innocent questions about him, the absolute audacity of his writer to say half the shit she did in interviews (about bisexuality and mental illness, most critically), and then being beaten over the head again in inquisition about how Anders is the worst character to ever exist and there’s no redemption for terrorists who lie to you one time in the entire game and he deserves death or worse and that’s it
And now… 72% of people are down to redeem the guy who lies to you for 2 games straight and who did a lot of questionable things that includes creating the fucking blight and. Like. I guess I’m glad that Solas fans can live in a world where they aren’t constantly harassed and can give their ship like. A pretty damn good ending all things considered. And that the devs love Solas and actually give the option for that happy ending and have characters go to bat for Solas throughout the game and the most annoying thing they have to see are people making scrambled egg memes. I would not wish anyone to have to deal with the shit Anders fans had to put up with back then cause it sucked. It really sucked. And I’m glad it’s not being repeated with a different character, if nothing else
But like. Man there really is a difference when the writers actually like the character who does the thing, huh
#shut up nerd#anders#I’m sorry it’s just. really hard to not be bitter tbh#like the shit we as fans went through#just for liking a damn character#tbf I do actually think if the game came out today perceptions would be different#I think people would be more comfortable with revolutionary action now than they were then#but even still#it’s not even about that you know#it’s about people (both fans and at times the actual devs) being mean when they really didn’t need to be#and the DA trenches are probably why literally no harassment phases me anymore lmao but#that’s not a good thing slskd it’s just a useful consequence I guess#so yeah idk#am I jealous that Solas fans get to have a better experience?#yeah I can’t deny I feel a bit of that#but I’m also just. idk tired and sad for what that time was. and also glad that it seems to be over#but also a little bitter that I had to go through it when it didn’t need to happen at all#idk just feeling a lot here in this chili’s tonight lmao#(why do I say that I don’t think my country even has chili’s)#ANYWAY#dragon age#veilguard spoilers
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men love to try and tee me up for their next relationship while they’re still dating their current gf and i am never interested. NEVER.
#i don’t even fuck w men like that#mind you i’ve told this man that i am NOT INTERESTED in dating SEVERAL TIMES when he’s asked ab my romantic life#but he’s saying some suspicious ass stuff#like today he was like ‘yeah and it’s hard bc i’m starting have feelings for….this isn’t about anyone in particular….others outside#the relationship. and it’s making me feel guilty’#and i’m like hm. um. okay.#and he’s being weirdly cryptic with me in the way men get when they think they’re being sly ab their feelings for you#😭😭#he’s texting me a bunch lately too like ‘you just really inspire me to be the best version of myself i can be’#and ‘i had a really bad week and i just wanted to thank you for being so kind and funny and awesome’#mind you i didn’t do anything out of ordinary for him#mind you he’s my coworker!!!#i see him every day!!#i’m not stupid idk 😭 you complain ab your gf to me and the shower me in praise like pls stop im uncomfortable 😭😭#i’ve already told him i don’t really want this dynamic with a coworker and he kinda just continues and idk what to do anymore!#like we work closely on everything!#he sits directly beside me in the office!#BLAH#cielo rambles!
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where the hell is the snow it’s been two years of this
#do you know how crazy i feel when utah state with the slogan ‘best snow on earth’ gets zero snow for december.#we got it abt 3 times maybe. it only stuck once. and it was barely even 1-2 inches#this is now the second year in a row of no snow for the holidays.#in the state of ‘big ass snowstorms flooding the mountains in 2022’ utah.#like idk. everyone is so normal about it too#and i know it’s probably like. fucking el niño or whatever they said last year but also.#it just. doesn’t snow like it used to anymore?????#utah is a desert yeah but northern utah is a SNOWY ASS CLIMATE. so to have not gotten snow these last two years.#idk it feels. so weird#and everyone is just. poignantly ignoring it#and i’m tbh soo fucking nervous about inauguration day and what’s coming after#my fears 4 the climate are so big.#sucks cause climate change is a purely human issue. like . i know the earth would recover give time if humans just disappeared#(not at ALL saying they should my god)#but like#we are creating this issue for only ourselves we are eating ourselves alive for the sake of 0.001% of people#for billionaires who know not care not or think not of our existence and only see us as stocks and cannon fodder#there’s no snow anymore in the ‘greatest snow on earth’ state and they’ve got us blindfolded bitching abt paper straws. idk
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He is made of glass, wears a necklace of teeth, smokes, and will try to mimic your appearance and replace you, but he is your friend!!! :D I love the X68000/Chronicles doppelgänger he’s one of the enemies of all time :3. Banger music in that level too, Tower of Dolls is one of my favorites!
#castlevania#castlevania games#castlevania chronicles#castlevania x68000#Castlevania 1#simon belmont#Castlevania doppelgänger#doppelgänger#Simon doppelgänger#idk what to use as a tag for him cause I don’t think he has one lol#Castlevania fanart#fanart#art post#my art#akumajou dracula#akumajo dracula#he’s just a little guy#if you’re cold he’s cold take him into your house—#he can be trusted with your legal identification documents :3#yeah his design is cool tho I like that he’s got little pointy ears and a snake instead of a whip#I also love the little animation when you beat him and he completely unhinges his jaw and explodes it definitely exists for sure#deranged shard of glass creature guy putting him in the microwave rn (affectionate)#I’m still stuck on one of the levels in chronicles tho :(#I can’t tell what the bone dragons are doing pattern wise in this game lol#oh I also doodled one of the ghost dolls that are in this level :3#the one with text is a redraw of an older doodle so the humor isn’t exactly new anymore but eh whatever it was fun to redraw anyway#yeah it says ‘you are pogchamp you are not cringe’ and no I don’t remember the image it was originally referencing ���💀💀💀💀
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god i really do love your city gave me asthma. it sounds so homemade — you can hear wilbur laughing at the end of one song, and a discord notification in the background of another. you can hear his influences and inspirations — los campesinos! references, crywank picking patterns. he doesn’t hit every note but it’s okay because you can tell he loves what he’s doing and does it for catharsis, and you feel that. it’s an imperfect, amateur passion project that inspired me and so many others to learn guitar and write music. it finally got me to set my perfectionism aside and say “hey, maybe i could do that.” it’s about wanderlust and loneliness and anger at the systems you live under and the choice to step out of them, the experience of moving away and the internal conflict that goes with it, and it’s so very human. i love ycgma.
#when wilbur says he doesn’t like his older music/it isn’t his anymore i’m like yeah that’s totally valid bc hes grown immensely as an artist#but at the same time idk if he realizes that the imperfect homemade feel is what makes it so endearing#wilbur soot#ycgma#music#my post
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Oh. Thats a friend group of mine making a whole ass new group chat without me in it. Okay cool. Love that.
#we had one but they went silent#one person said they were upset with me bc I had ‘ditched them for my new friends’#which. I don’t have any new friends. I’ve been trying to keep in contact with them but get hardly any response.#tried to apologize and say I’d ’do better’#but am still getting little to no response#and. one girl sent me a screenshot with the fb group icon in the corner#and it was everyone except me#which. lovely.#and they’re acting like my life has been amazing and wonderful#when it’s been one thing after another with the move my friend dying and a bunch of other shit#so yeah sorry I’m a bit absent a lot is going on#and I feel like they think im lying to them or making it up#like. idk what to do anymore#this isn’t about anyone here btw#btw the person who sent the screenshot didn’t send it to be mean she was showing me something she was going for#and I pretended I didn’t see it and just acted happy for her#now I’m not even gonna bring up my stuff to these people at all#idk man#this just hurts
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#Seven’s Public Diary#vent#vent post#cw negative#cw health issues#‘You’re such a heartless and hateful person.’ well have you ever considered that i’m not really a hateful person and i just hate You#like. call me whatever you want to i guess. im definitely selfish and probably heartless but hateful? idk abt that.#i only feel like i hate people that have given me good fucking reason to. sorry i dont have an infinite supply of tolerance & forgiveness??#but im a wee bit fucking stressed so you’ll have to forgive me for being a bitch. well no one Has to forgive me. do whatever you want#‘That 10-day old pasta salad is making me feel sick.’ MF that was made TODAY. IT’S FRESH AND THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT#if you feel sick how about you look down at the fifteen empty beer cans on the floor next to you and ask them what they think did it#dumbass. whatever man i have bigger problems than your self-induced tummy ache#i feel sick too but i know it’s my fault so i’m not bitching about it. i gave you fresh food while I ate the old stuff to keep from wasting#food. because you act like you’re fucking allergic to leftovers. and yeah it had probably gone off and that’s why I feel sick#but what you ate tonight was fresh as could be so we’re sick for two Very different reasons. and i know how to admit when it’s my fault#everything is my fault. my teeth and gums hurt and that’s My fault for not taking care of them. apparently 3 root canals wasn’t enough#for me to learn my goddamn lesson. i never do. so i’ll have to spend more money on that soon and thats My fault. the dog’s teeth need#cleaning too and that’ll come out of my pocket and i guess that’s My fault for not taking care of him either#i think i have another goddamn UTI and that’s definitely My fault so another $100 trip to urgent care it is i guess!#my Random Nerve Pain has moved to my hands so i can’t use them too much or it fucking hurts and i guess that’s my fault???#my neck pain is back and thats my fault for not clearing my bed off enough to sleep in a comfortable position#my eye keeps twitching and i guess that’s my fault too. i don’t know anymore i just wanna throw in the towel man im so tired#god the UTI tests i wasted money on are arriving tomorrow and if they’re packed in a way that shows what’s inside then i’ll have to explain#That to whoever brings in the mail. great great something else to worry about all night#the living room floor is caving in so now there’s Two room’s floors that need fixing so that’s super fucking fun! 😃#i need to talk to my bank and i need to talk to a tax professional and i need to learn to drive and i need to get an autism diagnosis#well i don’t Need the last one but i want it so bad. but im scared. that i’ll go to all this trouble and they’ll say i don’t qualify#and god it’s NYE now. Besties i’m not gonna get that NMbD NYE fic ready in time. i just can’t make myself write these days. i’m sorry.#i doubt anyone is gonna be That disappointed but I Am. in myself. 3 fucking years now i’ve failed to finish it. w h y. i Want to write but#there’s just too much on me rn. but when is there Not. sigh. idk what i’m gonna do but something needs to change. in my life. soon.
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ok i know u r all DYING to hear abt my topic for my 60 pg paper basically i had originally wanted to write abt creating a separate standard for women who have been abused killing their husbands other than self defense bc self defense has an imminence requirement that leads many women to be convicted of first degree murder for killing their abusive husbands. but someone in my journal wrote that last yr and even tho i could make a different argument i just felt like there was no way i wasn’t going to be preempted so i was like ok nvm. and there was a whole bunch of other ideas i came up w that were also preempted. but anyway i was really upset abt the first one being preempted but it came to me like a vision that i could write abt postpartum psychosis instead which is a somewhat similar issue in that the law doesn’t consider it bc it is an issue specific to women which leads to women being convicted of first degree murder & even getting the death penalty for killing their children while suffering from that. so i am going to write abt creating a specific standard for that other than the insanity defense which isn’t good enough and no one in my journal has ever written abt that & i haven’t seen any other articles written that make the exact argument i want to make so we are good 👍
#michelle speaks#ONLY problem that could arise is if someone wrote abt it last semester bc i can’t see what ppl wrote abt last semester. so if someone did#i’m just killing myself & dropping out of law school. in that order.#the only reason i could see someone having written abt that is bc there is a current case that has gotten media attention abt a woman who#had postpartum psychosis & killed her kids where the trial is like happening soon or it happened last yr i can’t remember at the moment#by happened last yr i mean the incident took place last yr not the case. bc the case prob isn’t happening this yr if so#that wasn’t why i thought of it but i know that case exists so someone might have written abt it bc of that. but i hope not 😭 bc as i said#i will simply have to kill myself bc i cannot take it anymore. i would like to write this paper on this topic pls 🤲#edit: i checked her trial is set for dec 2025 and she had her arraignment in feb hold on idk if it was 2023 or 2024 😭#ok the incident took place in 2023 so yeah. idk if it was feb i didn’t see what i say before when i checked again goes to show how much#i forget in literally 10 secs. the adhd short term memory loss is insane 😭#i guess it’s not THAT much current in the news that someone would have def seen abt it & written abt it ykwim. it’s a possibility tho#or someone might have just been like oh i want to write abt that for whatever reason. i hope not but yeah 😭#but anyway her lawyers r arguing the insanity defense so actually a great way to open my paper in the intro. bc every article on it i have#read has opened talking abt the andrea yang case from the late 90s so at least i will have a more modern example#which will set my paper apart from the others a little bit. bc it is very much abt setting urself abt 😩#APART. i cannot read or write or type or think or exist i SWEARRRRRR#i say that after i just wrote like a million words in these tags. doesn’t mean i am smart or competent tho! just means i can say so much 😔
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Never has my opinion about a non-antagonist character changed so drastically than it has about Shigure ok there might have been some before but right now I can’t think of any.
I went from “Oh he’s just a silly lil guy” to “*sobs* silly *sobs again* DAD” to “ohhhh….silly….pervy😳lil guy” to “ohhhh….silly mysterious guy???” to “oh- oh….😬”
#on s3 ep8#so idk#maybe he’s got 5 more episodes to change my mind#but idkkkkkkkk#aside from his pervy comedic relief quips#I LOVED that man😭#screw me for always liking the found family dad characters😭#but like as the story progressed I just found myself…#idek what the word is#do I dislike him now??#no it’s…#the ick#he gives me the ick#I know there’s a lot of gray area and complexities within his character and what he has going on with akito#akito is a discussion for another day#but yes he’s complicated#he’s morally gray#and I LOVE a morally gray character#but rarely is a morally gray character set up to NOT seem morally gray at the beginning and you see it play out#which is frankly a more realistic portrayal of morally gray ppl irl#but yeah…hence why I can’t for certain say if I hate or dislike him now#I just….ick#like woah man I loved what you got going for you but now that i know this thing about you#I have to actively force myself not to think about it or I’m def in danger of not loving all that anymore yk??#anyway#shigure’s character development just proved to me the only living adult characters in this show that are to be fully trusted are#kazuma and hatori#there’s probably a couple more but if I suddenly became a wanted criminal overnight and needed someone to protect me#these are my ‘find a trusted adult’ choices😭#fruits basket
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I like to say I’m okay with my interests having very small/pretty non existent fandoms because that means no stupid drama even if I wish the things I liked were more acknowledged, it’s better to take them in a vacuum then mainstream cause some of the stuff I like if it got bigger would be more mixed, possibly even controversial-
and I still stay true to that but I also remember how my interests could’ve been decently popular yet all of them got screwed over in some fucking capacity somehow regardless if that was intentional or not and I low key get a little mad.
LIKE JUST AS A POINT OF REFERENCE (I’m listing these all in chronological release order):
Big O: flopped in Japan but when it was brought over to the states it apparently did well enough to get a season 2, but cn were fucking stupid and aired the second season on adult swim rather then its original home network toonami, which is likely why it fell into obscurity when it could’ve been up there with other old animes if people saw the entire thing because a lot of anime popular from toonami are remembered
Kikaiders anime: Was like only popular in Hawaii but the anime was dubbed and aired on adult swim- only problem is they gave it a 12:30 am time slot and even if it first aired in summer a lot of people probably skipped out on it- also I have a hunch that even tho big o on adult swim definitely got less traction it and kikaider afaik aired around the same time, and big o time slot came first. People if they did know big o got moved probably only watched adult swim for that then shut off the tv for kikaider, which further shows putting big o on adult swim was not a good idea. (Oh and the fact this was a anime reboot for a toku even if it was somewhat more accurate to the manga probably didn’t help the reception in Japan, next to how little interest there seemed to be for it given it was so short)
Shin Jeeg: Literally flopped so hard in Japan that it wasn’t even considered getting a dub besides Thailand and Italy, Italy being the only place Jeeg is fucking remembered. It’s no wonder this one probably the most forgotten among my interests despite being a dynapro mech and a reboot directed by fuckinv Kawagoe.
Casshern Sins: I have zero clue what japans reception of it was but probably not high when it’s “an edgy reboot”. As for the west it did got aired on toonami and is LITERALLY the only anime I like that is legally watchable on crunchyroll but it became forgotten cause it aired on toonami when people stopped caring for it, and crunchyroll only tends to show what’s popular so you’d only find this show from really digging.
Getter the only thing I’m not listing here next to it’s still decently remembered-big o is too, but at the same time it goes under a lot of mecha fans radars-but also cause I’m perfectly accepting of “the times it aired on tv it was super old and only part of it got dubbed, then the rest of it were ovas before not getting anime content for fucking years” like that’s a fair reason to be forgotten- but everything else just feels like I’m cursed 💀 (and I wonder how the cycle will continue when I gain yet another old anime robot interest because it will happen- eventually)
#meg text#I will say rn I’m ranting to rant because my life ahah hasn’t been well but I’m not going into it here#but I was talking to my friend last night who likes some of the stuff I like + other niche things and yeah it’s a curse#because you either have niche but it still has a decently large fanbase it’s just not popular#or you have fucking dead ass fandoms that can it even be considered a fandom? Who fucking knows#legit I try not to care about liking stuff with dead fandoms because I like it and that’s what matters but man when it happens constantly#will I ever go into bigger fandoms? Fuck no. Am I still allowed to be a little annoyed? A bit.#I’m not gonna bother trying to get people interested cause I know it doesn’t work most of the time especially when your pushy#I don’t like people being pushy with me anyways so it be hypocritical#also if anyone knows about reception shit with any of these lmk id love to hear cause some idk shit#even though I didn’t tag fandoms but that’s mainly cause they don’t need to see this 💀#I think this shit is why I also feel inclined to get into mecha that’s like- more known rather then the forgotten ones#like dawg I love to embody a true mecha fan of knowing random 70s show with a awful title but I can’t take this shit anymore
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i genuinely don’t know how i’m supposed to act at my age
#like when i have to talk to ppl my age irl they sound old af 😭 and im like are they old or just actual adults?#like i know when to act mature but when in the same age group i feel like i should have my adult voice on#like a customer service voice but more casual???#like for this get together i’m fear i might be one of the youngest ppl there besides like the children of everyone else 💀 like i can go#can’t***#hangout w them and later ima go see my friends and it’s more relaxed but it’s not like we talk about random shit#like we don’t listen to the same music watch the same shows or movies anymore#or they say oh i don’t have time for that or i don’t watch/listen to that many more#????? what do you do? and they’re not on social media besides fb or twt#like unfortunately i’m part of the chronically online 💀💀💀 but i can’t just be like oh im knitting this or crocheting that because that’s my#old lady hobbie i picked up in hs and they were like that’s old ppl shit#they talk about work but i find that so boring idc about what i do everyday that shit stays the same 😭#like it’s interesting to listen to them because i don’t do it but my job it’s same day in day out#and if we talk about fitness it ends up at oh i gained some weight or i lost x amount that means i can have a xyz and not care ….#we are mid to late twenties when tf did you get heartburn 😭 and wtf is that ??? i’ve heard about it but what do you mean??? when did that#start??? like yeah old bones and body aches but damn another meme post about it 😭 stop#like what did i miss when did i stop looking where did yall learn all this#at this point i think im just immature#like my random shit is gonna be ceo/luigi and sk then what i can’t bring up rap kpop spotify wrapped anime my excitement for some local yarn#how i don’t think lady gaga is a good actress or that im lowkey upset about the wicked movie#or that there’s gonna be an american psycho remake like they’re not gonna care#and i can’t be like tf is an appetizer ? that isn’t just restaurant and tv show shit ?#I CANT TELL THEM ABIUT MY PERIOD SHOES I FEEL LIKE THEYRE TONNABNOT LAUGH#my talking points are work (boring and same as always) old car accidents most recently accident (but not too deep) shoulder and back pain#progress maybe complain about grocery prices 😭😭😭#omfg wtf am i supposed to where to the get together with appetizers FUCK#is it chill to go in shorts and a tshirt ????? i’m sure they know we’re the ones smoking outside they can just assume i’m too chill#let’s hope someone has a baby and i can distract them w my ability to somehow charm babies 😭😭😭😭#omg what if their kids are blaming us for the weed smell !?? like imma not narc but i’ve seen them out there too#like idk if they’re college age but i don’t think they’re open about it and im the freak taking walks past midnight 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀
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aaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#brain is being weird again. i miss the person i thought you were before i found out how truly truly horrible you are#but that person doesn’t exist! i never met them because they aren’t real!#i just wanna meet my person yk. like yeah i don’t want to be in a relationship bc that sounds exhausting but also#it wouldn’t be exhausting if it was my person. i wanna know someone. i wanna learn how someone works.#i wanna take care of someone and be taken care of without asking.#and like the thing is is i definitely have my people in my friends like i already have them in this way#and i appreciate that so so much which is why i won’t settle for anything less ever again and why i’m no longer actively seeking something#but i really do just miss clicking that well with someone right off the bat. and i know most of it was probably 1) me being lied to and 2)#me trying to make myself palatable for him#but i haven’t felt that truly blatantly appreciated in a long time#i just wish that fate would work a little faster at putting my person into my lap is all#i’m not even gonna say that it doesn’t have to be The Person i’ll end up with and can just be One Of the people along the way#because now that feels like settling and if the universe doesn’t want me to settle then i won’t#and i’m not trying to be impatient because i know that it’ll happen when it’s supposed to and i can’t force anything#i just want it to happen so badly. i want to have my cute love story. i want to have it last longer than a week. in a good way this time.#and i know i vent a lot about this in my tags but this time feels different#i just want what is supposed to happen to happen. and i want to feel comforted knowing that it will.#i just need a sign that it’s gonna happen someday so i don’t lose my mind waiting for it#that i’m in the right place. and i’m right where i’m supposed to be#idk. i just know i don’t deserve to feel alone anymore. especially when i know i’m not.#this feels like a prayer. maybe it is. whatever.#mari is irrelevant
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I CAN DO THIS!!!! I CAN LEARN TO BE A THEATER DESIGNER!!!! YES I AM JUST STARTING OUT AND DOING THIS FOR THE FIRST TIME!!!! THATS CUZ IT IS A TRADE AND YOU LEARN A TRADE BY PRACTICING!!!!! SO I AM GOING TO PRACTICE DAMMIT!!!!
#i am realizing i have the capacity to be rly ambitious and hardworking when it’s something i care about#which i didn’t think i did. because adhd and academic struggles and such#but another side effect of caring a lot about this is i am rly disappointed and worried when i feel like i’m not doing well enough#which is a feeling i think most people get academically#but i turned that feeling off in my brain for a long time cuz again. at a certain point i was academically struggling#and i couldn’t be disappointed anymore#like it was just less stressful to care a little less#which i am currently experiencing in my classes right now actually. need to deal with that#anyway#idk i keep finding out how much i don’t know about theater design and then feeling so so embarrassed#and thinking i might be a fraud#but then people look at my work and they say nice things and i am deciding to take that to heart!!!#and just hope that they’re right#it’s existential about career hours rn#also mandatory acknowledgement that i’m privileged for even considering an artistic careen#and i’m definitely gonna be living off ice soup if i try to make this happen#uh. that is all . yeah#ok yk what i should probably be a theater professor#that is definitely the biggest way i’ve seen theater professionals get regular gigs (on college shows) and make enough money to live#and also have access to massive prop and set collections!!!!!#which is what it’s really all about baybeeee#ok that is all goodnjght#theater#career#rambling
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re: the music rant I tagged you in I am so sorry for tagging you in my double-dose caffeine fueled haterism explosion post. truly was off the shits and did not realize how much random garbage talking points I was ready to spill on the first person to ask
but i love haterism…..
#truly i really don’t care if ppl like those artists. they do so for good reason#but it’s just impossible to see it as like. particularly noteworthy and countercultural or anything anymore?#like obv it’ll never be on the same mainstream level of like taylor swift or w/e#but as far as being ‘weird’ or ‘fringe’ it’s like. safe weird. safe fringe#mainstream weird or mainstream fringe to use an oxymoron#there’s nothing wrong with enjoying something with a large community that makes you feel something#but it just isn’t particularly striking as far as making a statement about how unique you are#not that you need to be unique to be cool#but i think a lot of people truly do see it as a thing that makes them special or even superior#it’s not harmful at all just a little silly#and truly when every young neurodivergent well-off internet dweller is doing it. well it’s not totally weird is it#safe and sanitized weirdness#either that or to get back to the point if it is true weirdness then it’s like yeah are you sure this goes on that character playlist LOL#maybe the other bigger threat is when stuff is genuinely good and raw and unique and strange#art that’s screaming something out#and it gets watered down into something incredibly generic#like this lament about the singer’s very real life is like ‘woagh this is just like these two fictional white men who have never met’#less ‘morally wrong’ and more ‘hardcore cringe at best and in poor taste at worst’#or like. what if it is an EXTREMELY specific situation genuinely#why is it on every playlist 🤔#the answer is bc it goes hard of course so who am i to say they’re wrong for having fun#but behind the scenes in secret i’ll be laughing sinisterly#like everybody in the world thinks Their Artist is the most freakish unique and special artist. including swifties#fact of the matter there’s always something weirder. even the stuff i listen to i am well aware could be so much freakier#is there really any point in making it a competition of how weird you are#just listen to what appeals to you and stop acting like you’re the main character idk#asks#dj-of-the-coven#ok i’m done now. hope none of this sounded too bitter and judgmental
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SORRY I KNOW U SAID U DONT WANT TO KEEP TALKING ABOUT THIS AND YOU DONT EVEN HAVE TO ANSWER THIS ASK OR U CAN ANSWER IT PRIVATELY IF YOU'D RATHER i just really cant shut up ever and one thing i cant stand is fic writers getting shit in any capacity like omg what is up with unsolicited 'advice'? in some ways i find it WORSE than if people were just actively rude bc it's so backhanded and passive aggressive that you can't really respond how you want to bc they're not technically being nasty and they say it under the guise of being 'helpful' and it's just YUCK. like shut up!!!! who even asked you!!!!! writing fic is a free, beautiful hobby and for some reason people feel entitled to it in ways they really wouldn't with literally any other hobby and it does my head in, so pls pls dont feel like ur being sensitive. that's the main reason im sending an ask bc i get you've acknowledged that it's annoyed you and why so again sorry if im beating a dead horse here, it's just i hate to see you undermining your feelings about something that IS genuinely really frustrating and disheartening. like it will never not baffle me how oblivious some ao3 commenters are to how much their words can impact a writer. just like you, 99% of all my comments are positive, and yet i can probably list verbatim the handful of not-so-nice comments ive had in the years ive been on ao3 bc they just STICK with me. so yeah. you're very valid and i know you dont need me to tell you but you've got a whole army of people who love your work and have your back, so just remember that when someone decides to be obnoxious xxx
Haha hella I adore you & I don’t ever want you to stop talking.
Yeah I think the reason it irked me more this time was because after I got a few scattered comments I didn’t enjoy I kindly asked people not to do it anymore & then the very next chapter someone did it lol. & even asked if I was getting enough sleep … like…. damn it… really?
again I do think I’m being sensitive because fuck it I’m probably not getting enough sleep haha but damn you don’t gotta call me out like that! Lol. & I get so many wonderful comments and fanart and asks and all that jazz but I can’t help but hyper-fixate on the one not so nice comment haha
& then I over think everything & it ruins the fun hobby I’m supposed to be enjoying lol
I love that you get it, thanks for always being so awesome & now for the second or third time coming to have my back. You’re the best hella :)<3
#I wasn’t going to post anymore of these but I’ll probably post one more#idk maybe other fanfic writers can see it and know we are all going through it#it doesn’t matter who you are#or what you write#there is always some asshole who has access to the internet#that’s going to give their fucking opinion#but yeah I’m always really nice in my responses because I’m so awkward in those situations#I’m just smiling and laughing and saying wwwtttffffffffff#idk I did tell the last commenter to fuck all the way off though lol#they caught me in a MOOD though#thanks for sending this ask hella#& even the last time I was upset about it you let me vent to you#so that was cool#you’re one of the good one hella!!#& im sorry a you get stupid comments too#but im pretty confident the TAOB following would stab a bitch who was rude to you#as they should#don’t fuck with ao3 writers we aren’t paid enough to take your shit people#(get it…. cause we aren’t paid at all….. haha)#ok thanks again hella#hella1975#ask
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