#yeah i think ill sleep it off
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#yeah i think i should stop drawing them#you know in my mind they chat together they badger the medic they bring bentos to eat with medic they drag the medic to bed#they hug they sleep they fuck they exchange their oath in latin#like everything#aaaaaaaaaaaand#i realize im just treating them with complete disregard of the whole 2077 world-building and general setting#and is just viewing them as medic x soldier with nice looking helmets and very little background setting of this whole insurance corporatio#which imo is basically desecration of them#especially if im gonna make a whole fucking series of comics of them instead of some portrait or something that doesn't just-#-break even more things as the plot goes on#(and generally being stupid like why is the medic reading just plug a cable in their head okay but i already made the dialogue so fuck it)#soooooooooooooooo#(throws in dumpster)#idk maybe ill take a few days off and see if im coming back with way too much 2077 knowledge or just straight up forgetting them#or just. keep. desecrating them. that's a choice.#they're still cute tho ngl#cyberpunk 2077#trauma team#my art
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World's most frustrating feeling: having multiple ideas and character designs but despite working on the thing for nearly 5 YEARS still being nowhere close to having a coherent plot 💀
#yeah ok this is UBER specific lmaoooo but u get me#idk man i think im really proud of my character designs (finally) especially the prsonas ive been designing lately#and i have a character i adore so much and i KNOW many things about him#but apparently cant come up with a decent plotline. like alirght#cool cool brain#sorry to be bitching ill probably delete this in the morning#but i was thinking about this as i was playing royal and thinking about how he would react to the situations#even thinking out dialogues and how id change small lil things now that hes there#but i cant realy go in depth if i dont have a plot to introduce him huh#yeah basically back to the drawing board again. for the like. 7th time idk i lost count#realistically these things take time i know but at some point i have GOT to resist the urge to just scrap all the stuff ive done#and start over going this time itll be different!#look in the grand scheme of things this really doesnt matter i just wanted to get this off my mind LMAOOOO#sorry friends <3 hope you dont mind me losing my mind over a fictional au i created for FUN again 💀#i will now be going to sleep because lets face it thats whats really wrong with me
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ugh i have a horrible feeling all of the shitty mood cycles are gonna sync up into one giant turbo-depression this month :V
#we're probably gonna have to put Harold to sleep as well but like ...#seasonal sad .... working in wet gross weather ... my general good/bad feeling cycle ....#art is fighting me ... so that means interests engagement is tailing off .... seasonal joint oof ... im um fucking ill ....#yeah its gonna be a month i think
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ah shit only just realised its september now.... lets hope the rest of this month isn't like this.....
#just med shit innit. gonna force myself up at my usual work time even tho i have the day off bc I need to be in my routine or ill lose it#i am. very tired and very sad. and thats ok generally im ok ive been keeping myself so busy for weeks and weeks#and im glad im going out n doing shit often n meeting new ppl n trying to focus more on hobbies n get more on the life balance#but whenever i have a moment to stop i still get so sad. ik exactly why theyre all just old aches n wounds i dont want to wallow in them!!#lately its been well under control i only usually have one actual bad day a week and sometimes its not even a whole day#and the rest im.just busy and i dont know if im just avoiding things and its not satisfying being busy bc im still missing out needs#but i cant fulfil them so might as well stay busy and not think about it!!#and its okay its all okay im just so sad right now :-( but im going to sleep soon and then ill be busy tmr so i dont have to think abt it#i wanna ventpost abt it but also i dont rly want to bc findinf the words to talk abt the things distressing me involves thinking abt it#which will just.make me feel worse. and it wont resolve anything bc its all mostly outside of my control anyway just hurts innit#but im trying hard to make my life bigger than it was before even if its still shallow and not quite enough at least it covers more space#yeah yeah we all want to feel genuine connection and wanted and loved but life doesnt often work out like that so.#hands in your pockets player keep it moving. im goiny to brush my teeth and then rly need to go to bed zzzzz#.diaries#hope everyone else had a nice weekend i had a pretty good saturday at least. and played a lot of videogames today so could be worse#very glad i dont have work tomorrow as well thank u past me for booking it off ahh..
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I think I might need a break from the internet for like a week or two
#rae irl#mayhaps then i will sleep#yeah i think im gonna stay off here for a bit but ill be back i love you guys#try not to miss me too much while im gone *pulls myself away by my ear*
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#apparently I’m not done being mad about this I’m sorry guys I gotta vent#my dad is like an ox and never sick and like not very understanding with health issues/general illness#which you’d think he would have been after having me the super sickly child with a ton of health issues but no#we have a positive Covid case in the house and I have the same fucking symptoms I just started later#I have taken two tests- one yesterday and one today#and he yelled at me saying I’m wasting tests and also that I’m apparently fine which like#even if I somehow don’t catch covid I’m still sick but okay dad 🫠#if it helps put things into a better perspective… did yall know that back in November after I had my 3rd fucking endometriosis surgery#he asked why I was off work for two weeks and why I didn’t go back the day after surgery?#like I had had this surgery twice before and at home recovery was also two weeks both those times#but moreover like sir I have 3 incisions in my abdomen and my job requires me to left 50lbs???#at which point he still insisted I was fine and was just being ‘dramatic’ 🙃#I wanna fucking scream#I’m lissed the fuck off#did yall know he nearly got me killed once because I had neurovirus and he refused to take me to the er?#I eventually lost consciousness from severe dehydration- he thought I was sleeping and continued to argue with my mom that I was fine 🫠#they eventually took me but I was unconscious for several hours and it took five bags of iv fluid for me to regain consciousness#and the doctor estimated I was about two hours away from death so like#yeah#if that gives yall a better idea of the shit I’m putting up with#I have like zero tolerance for dealing with his bullshit when I’m sick#it’s the trauma from not fucking being believed for years of my life about any of my illnesses#and like also the fucking almost dying part#fun times 🫠#I’m sorry I’m ranting so much today I’m just really fucking done and have no other outlet 🙃
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99% just my autism speaking here but something ive been noticing lately that im sorta kinda 😶 about is when ppl are like "I think you'll like this" but not bc they ACTUALLY think you'll like it, rather they just got into it and want you to also get into it so "I think you'll like this" is a nice personal hook. i love chill stuff as much as any other person ofc but given i don't divulge that EVER, what makes you think my berserk reading, made in abyss watching, drakengard playing ass would like YURU CAMP????
#gu6chan's musings#am i just taking the phrase too literally???? like i appreciate the thought but also.... what agitates me is the fact theres not any#when i say something among the lines of 'i think YOU'LL like this' or 'This made me think of you' like#its bc i think of THAT PERSON IN PARTICULAR or think THAT PERSON IN PARTICULAR would like it#again it's probably just autism brain taking figures of speech too literally but i HATE it bc it just makes me feel like#all the times i shared my interests meant nothinggggg typically i just ask 'neat; what makes you think ill like it?' and ppl start stumbling#and im like :(#whats rlly funny in this case is not only the fact i had only ever established my love of dark fantasy and mystery to this person#but they also flatout asked 'youre not really into modern media much are you' to which the answer was 'not much lol'#and i said the reasons i dont care for 'cute girls doing cute things' anime (re: k-on) is bc if i have the time to watch it then i at LEAST#wanna spend it watching a series that's???? not 'the point of it is to relax :)'??? i can sleep for that#anyways like 2 days later they said they said they think id REALLY like this new anime they've been watching lately and I was like 'oh?'#and it was yuru camp.... and internally i was like 'are you fucking kidding me' but on the outside i was like 'oh sweet what makes you think#id like it? id love some new media recommendations especially if they're newer shows bc ive been having SO MUCH TROUBLE trying to find#something interesting that isn't from 2008'#and they sent me a picture of the most generic anime girl ever and they're like 'it has really cute girls' and then i just wanted to kms#like.... this isn't bc you thought id like it; is it.....#wanted to die internally but i played it cool and was like 'oh no; i appreciate it thoughtfulness and all but i don't think this is for me'#also the time where someone recommended signalis to me and i was like 'oh?' and they were like 'YEAH its SO good the people who made it#were even INSPIRED off of Nier' KNOWING FULL WELL I DIDN'T LIKE IT AND THE AMOUNT MY ENTHUSIASM JUST DIED... i was like#'oh. well that will be a pass then' and they tried backpedaling like 'well it's not SUPER inspired; i didn't know you HATED nier :(' like#my past 15 posts on my twitter werent me realising that the game was absolute garbage and calling it the most regretful thing ive ever spent#money on during my attempted playthrough 😭 i was like 'thanks; but I'll pass' to which they then responded by promptly sending me#signalis memes i had absolutely no idea how to respond to WITHOUT making it seem like i was super annoyed so i was just kinda 😶 and didn't#reply and they were like 'sorry :(' and i was like 'haha it's okay! i just have absolutely no idea how to respond to this joke i dont#understand at ALL'#was probably one of the more awkward interactions ive ever had but genuinely speaking i was so INTERESTED until they brought up that it was#inspired by nier i literally psychically felt all the enthusiasm leaving my body from 'damn; i might actually have to look into this' to#'oh well that's a bullet dodged' did not trust the backtracking either....
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I'm sorry but if your best insult to me is "loser" im just gonna assume you peaked in high school. Or you're still there.
#yeah yeah im going to bed i couldnt get back to sleep im hoping i can now#i found a hatepost by accident and fjfhdgdg#i dont think i was Meant to see it (even if it was in my tag?)#also one of the things people are (apparently) mad at me over is when i got angry after someone was racist to me#they called it a tantrum. okie dokie lmao! a tantrum!#sidenote: i see asks n tags amd stuff ill get to it tomorrow(/later today)#(it isnt tomorrow until i sleep)#rbs off for now bc the Last thing i need is to start something#the only reason i was in my own tag is bc i know i miss a lot of things so i was Gathering the Fruits of Tagging Me
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2005 United States Grand Prix - aka Tiago Montiero having the best day of his life and everybody else having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day
#Idk why I gifed this I just thought it'd be funny yknow#also ive already posted for every grand prix so far so even tho this race is an absolute shitshow i might as well#so yeah i moreso made this gifset for continuity and archival reasons rather than any actual passion for the race itself#i think i watched like half or more of the race but there rly was no point so i skipped to the post-race#i still cant believe they actually let this happen#only six drivers???? and the three teams were ferrari and the two backmarker teams??? actually insane#the best part of this race was the commentators absolutely going off and they kept calling it a farce#but yknow what? good for tiago!#(oh yeah btw this is the last post before my posting 'schedule' changes since my semester is resuming on monday)#(ive tended to post at like 4-6 am bcs of my horrible sleep schedule)#(and hopefully ill be able to keep up the one race a day grind and if so ill prob post in the evening instead!)#(that prob doesnt rly matter to anyone but i personally care about consistently posting so i thought i should at least mention that)#michael schumacher#rubens barrichello#tiago montiero#jenson button#2005 united states gp#we do a little bit of f1#f1#formula 1#(2005: 9/19 races watched)
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time a flat circle why the hell am i usin the same loafers i bought for one cosplay of my fave antagonist for another fave antagonist
#snap chats#can i even call it cosplay. why are police sirens going off in the bg oh my god shut UP#anyway yeah ill elaborate. Super Snap Stalkers will remember my p4 era and will remember the time i did in fact do an adachi cosplay#i deleted the og post like an hour later. plus that blog's gone. but im sure some freak can find it if they dig hard enough#ew i think i was 17/18 in that pic (not at all that long ago) ok anyway.#i use the same loafers for my aoki outfit. and yeah i do Regularly wear my rgg outfits i TOLD YOU its functional cosplay i QUIT#just funny that like.... damn everything always goes back to square one LOL#these busted ass old ass loafers still rockin with me years later#if im feeling cheeky i think i will post all my rgg outfits actually. for halloween#hang on gotta be depressed and cringe for a moment#cause ive always liked cosplay but whenever i did it it never felt. Good Looking#like i always just felt like my face never worked for the charas i wanted to portray and so thats why i say with a heavy heart#that aoki's round-ass square-ass head is perfect LOL it makes me wanna throw up looking in the mirror#i got the same weird lips. ok not that squished Similar but Its Awful that he makes me feel comfortable with my face now#at least my eyebags arent double deckered... i at least look like i get sleep.. some days.#breaking !!!! objectively one of the most vile bitches in this franchise makes you feel comfortable with your body and existence#NAW to continue from last post if i had a webcam i prob coulda done a cosplay y7 stream LOL thatd be funny#anyway since this tag ramble is just pure cringe let me round it off with a final bit of cringe#the Forbidden Mention of my trans masato hc cause one reason why i have a Teehee over the thought is how raspy his voice is#and i only really now realized how right i was tonight because my prof called on me to speak and when i tried speaking DAWG.#the forbidden acknowledgement of Myself GROSS#BUT DAWG MY THROAT WAS FUCKIN CRUSTY it felt like sandpaper EW?? WATER FOR YOU?? christ. i hope that was just a one-time thing#ok im leaving now BYE
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Felt cute, might deteriorate later. [He/Him]
#feels like im in hell um#shibuya to belgium#anyway did my eyebrows perfectly but its night and ill prob sleep em off so ugh#im so tired bro i went thru my arm workout THREE times today bc of stress and anxiety#not to mention body dysphoria on top of the health concerns im trying to not think about anything rn so selfie time#OBLIGATORY: 'DISCLAIMER: i'M HI (HIGH)' TAG#but tbh not enough im still hurting with stress#could fuckin go for another round but i rly gotta try n sleep bc i get to cry abt all this in therapy tmr yaaaaay#fuckin hate that i cant treat endo lmao its like living in a cage w a tiger and not knowing when its gonna attack or give a love bite#anyway not to be a crybaby but yeah im not okay and dont know how im expected to go on lol#thought i looked good in my red light but ended up w a good orange light pic#wish i could show off my arms but its not impressive. mostly just feels nice to be like... solid lol#wish i could afford a gym#so my face will have to do for now hope i dont regret posting selfies at almost midnight lol#me#selfie#Cori.exe#Image.exe#ignore my chapped lips pls my dermatillomania has been rampant for the past like 2 days lmao i never stood a chance#hhhhh idk what to tag beyond this fence sitting whether to post or not so im just gon post and then go sleep hffff
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WOOHOOO THE STUPID ASS UNI STUFF IS OVER (FOR NOW)
i can finally open tumblr and draw and whatnot again aaaaaaaa orz
actually on second thought my first order of business is going snork mimimi. im so eepy. i havent opened twitter or tumblr in a while jsjsjdj ill do that after sleeping
#well technically speaking#i gotta clean up my art project stuff first since. my floor has been a mess ever since i started that dnndkdmd#and i gotta get groceries#and cook dinner#and ive got other uni stuff to think abt too#argh theres actually a lot to do huh#fuck it we ball though im gonna draw a wolfguy or something later#sho.scramblin#unrelated but i really wanted to make a krill oc. as in 🦐#for the express purpose of drawing them over the ''I CAN FINALLY KRILL MYSELF'' meme lmao dnbdmdnd#but thats a bit too much effort for me rn#maybe ill get around to it kdndkdk#how does an anthro krill look like anyways lmao#anywho! yeah. what was i goin off about again. hope youre havin a nice day whoever's reading this sleep deprived ramble ✌
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Ramble about Eddie to your heart’s content, bestie :D
I’m honestly very interested in your ideas :3
Again, don’t be scared to just ramble in my ask box, I love hearing peoples ideas
AJDKKAGAJAKAK- THANK YOU <3 <3
I'm wailing rn /pos
My AU! Disabled Eddie!! Ok so he wasn't born with his disability, it came about later.
My Current story is that he had stroke in late middle/early high school! I have done research and Yes it is possible for teens and younger to have strokes. From what I recall it can be significantly worse for them compared to adult strokes
Eddie was left with permanent complications and is disabled bc of it. He has coordination, balance, and general mobility complications among a list of other post stroke effects. I just found the word I was looking for a few days ago to describe his mobility issues, it's Ataxia!
Eddie has to deal with bouts of muscle weakness on his right side which can effect his vision. He also gets vertigo a Lot and at this point dizziness is expected every time he stands.
He uses forearm crutches when he needs extra help walking bc he does have good days where he may not need them! But for longer distances he brings them bc he's better safe than sorry. He also has cane but he doesn't use it As much.
He also has a wheelchair that he Hates. He hates having to use it. But his Really horrible days leave him unable to stand, much less walk. He wishes he could just hide it somewhere and never think about it but alas. it's important.
He dislikes the wheelchair so much bc it makes him feel useless. He is Not! I want to clarify that wheelchair users are perfectly Capable and Independent! Eddie just has an issue with overachieving and working himself too hard. He wants to be helpful and do So Much but there are some things he can't do while in his wheelchair. He was stuck in a chair for months after his stroke and it was devastating back then. He has No good memories with a wheelchair so he continues to dislike using it.
Ok putting a read more bc I am not shutting up for a While
Relationships with the neighbors! Generally the same. Barnaby doesn't chase him bc that would be mean (? I can't think of a better way to describe it)
Sally is still Sally but she's specific on her mailman hate (lmao) to make sure Eddie and everyone else knows she's not faulting him for his disability.
Hmm yeah everything else is pretty much the same. I guess everyone is also more open about offering Eddie help from time to time if he looks like he needs an extra hand. They're not persistent or anything, but if they see him struggling to carry a package or two they're more inclined to help.
I still don't know how Howdy gets his shit. Honestly If Eddie is having a crutch or chair day,, Howdy just won't get his stock unless he gets it himself. I can't think of a way for Eddie to deliver all those heavy ass boxes.
He does ask people to pick up their packages occasionally too. He tries to deliver them all himself but it's not always possible. He offers a trolley they can use.
I want to talk about angst. So this is very specific, I'll try to keep it short. growing up, Eddie lived in a four bedroom house. two downstairs master bedrooms and two upstairs normal bedrooms. Before his stroke he was upstairs, his older brother in the other room, and his older sister in the bedroom downstairs.
Afterwards he had to move downstairs. His sister Hated this. She loved her room and her private bathroom and she was very prissy about it.
This snowballed into her just,, taking all her frustrations out on Eddie. He took Her Bedroom. He's getting all the attention. Her little brother was ruining everything.
Eddie was devastated by this. He went as far as to attempt to convince his parents to let them switch rooms again. He couldn't physically walk up the stairs most days but he just wanted his big sister to not hate him anymore.
Their relationship never fully recovered. As an adult Eddie will still find ways to blame himself and feel guilty. But he just can't bring himself to talk to her.
They used to be so close. She let Eddie experiment with her makeup, they talked about fashion and boys and she helped him so so much when he was questioning his sexuality.
and then it just, fell apart. But not quietly like a loose thread but rather a house that wasn't built quite right and the screws came loose one by one.
Eddie's memory gets really fuzzy when thinking that far back. but some of those memories are burned into his mind and he wishes he could forget them like he does everything else.
#ouch i hurt my own heart#eddie my love im srry but to be loved by me means suffering with my angst#side bit: the stroke also impacted his memory issues#they were already there but they kinda got worse#anyway thank u again for letting me ramble sniff#i have to remember to invade ur inbox bestie#but im literally so annoying and i keep putting it off#keep sending me ur ideas to!! i also enjoy indulging in others thoughts!#but yeah eddie i fucked you up and I'm (not) sorry <3 <3#i always hc eddie as being very close yo his siblings. so ruining that? hoo boy it hurts haha#dizztalkstoomuch#neon child#welcome home#eddie dear#eddie dear au#???? ig ill put that for now#i need to make my own tag for this au i just cant think of anything clever rn lol#anyway this is incredibly long and i need food#and sleep! sooo Good night! :) ✨✨✨#also i apologize for any typos. im eepy <3
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happy flat fuck friday I feel likr I've been run over by a steamroller <3
#someones car alarm (?) went off in the middle of the night and then i couldnt sleep properly again after#and kept having nightmares.. had a rly scary one right before i woke up where i was lactating blood and it wouldnt stop coming out#i onoy noticed at first bc the shirt i was wearing had massive growing bloodstains onnthe front and then i took it off qnd there it was#and no one was around and it was night and i went outside and i was on this empty rocky beach and j had this sudden realisation#that i was going to die here like this. i was rly lightheaded from the blood loss so i sat down and just stared at the water#and then my alarm went off like fucking hellllll. wild dysphoria dream i guess 🫠🫠🫠🫠#anyway yeah whatever just gotta get thru work today hey the moons out sorry unrelated just noticed her. hi#climbing was fun last night tho :^) and i have a concert tomrorow yayyyy#dont know the band super well but only bc i havent listened to much of them but i like all ive listened to theyll be sick live i reckon#my roommate knows them more than i do but wouldnt go by herself so im dragging her with me >:)#and surprisingly a fair few number of ppl from climbing are going too which is cool ill try n say hi to some of them#actuallt there are 2 bands i should listen to the album of the other one before tomorrow too. mahbe on the bus home#guys i am sotireddddd 😭😭😭😭#MAY skip my afternoon meds so i can sleep straight after showering and eating once im home. we'll see#depends what i have to do this afternoon at work i dont even rember.. i think i have training maybe#we willl seeeee i dont mind being at work that much anyway its all good. maybe i will take my meds so i can play elden ring later#okayyyy bye#.diaries
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maaannnn The Fatigue has been so bad lately i just want this day to be over so i can sleep. theres literally not anything else i could do... but i have to wait...
#i hate it so much im too tired all the time. i do not know what it feels like to not be tired. i dont remember the last time i wasnt tired.#i dont think i was ever not tired genuinely. even as a little kid i remember being tired to my core#the kind of tiredness you feel tingling in your bones dragging on you everywhere you go and in everything you do. its always with me#i wanna clarify that this is a symptom of the type of thalasemia i have and not exactly chronic fatigue syndrome though. but comparable.#i just wanna say that so ppl dont get the wrong idea. but yeah.#i havent really gotten a proper break in weeks and like. i NEED those breaks i feel like my body genuinely cant keep going like this#so i just need to be officially off the clock so i can go sleep and hopefully i can get some legit rest in the coming days#idk fingers crossed bc i fear ill collapse otherwise LOL! (not funny)#and all things considered i have a pretty cushy gig rn! esp considering i dont pay rent and stuff since im like a live-in sitter#but i dont think i was built to be able to hold down any type of proper job. and this wont last forever. i dont know what ill do from here#im too eepy
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honestly it was only a matter of time before this happened tbh-
spend abt three hours throwing together this shitty lil animatic (can it even be called that yet lmao?), ignore my terrible lipsync itll get better i promise-
yeah ive had this storyboard in my lil sketchbook for months now and im only just starting it lmao
#oop it posted-#i think i just posted this twice lmao#eh ill only tag this one#epic the musical#my art#2d animation#animation#animatic#odysseus#eurylochus#spat this out in 3 hrs (most of iit was that time spent doing the x sheet) which is why the lil bit of lipsync is so bad rn lol#i know this is low quality rn. but it'll get better i promise i wasnt trying very hard-#...should i tag this under the odyssey tag? sure why not#the odyssey#im tired its 3 am#time to not go to sleep bye :D#oh yeah also. some shit is cut off bc of the x sheet at the bottom lol euryl's arm looks even worse w the elbow missing-
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