#yeah he hides his feelings from other people but more importantly he hides them from *himself* by refusing to confront them

[fiona-fififi]

Something about Buck never really allowing himself to feel and instead always running from his feelings by chasing things he thinks will fix him, but Eddie, the master of pretending he's fine, always feeling too much too deeply and too often until he breaks.

[toon-tales]

Here it is! Part three! Omg, I'm so excited for this!

Let's begin!

Ok, so, I know a lot of people say that Poppy hasn't changed a lot in the third movie but let me stop you right there!

Here's our girl, our happy-go-lucky queen cutely dressed and if I may, waiting for her boyfriend to compliment her looks like he always does

But then she notices something is wrong

You can see in the third pic, she was thinking how to approach the matter, because this, after all, is her boyfriend's old home, where he used to live with his grandmother. And in the fourth pic, her brows are even more furrowed

And here, oh my gosh this scene:

Can we look at Poppy, PLEASE?!

She's paying her full attention to Branch. She wants him to talk, to open up to her. HER EYES ARE FILLED WITH HOPE SHE'S ENCOURAGING HIM TO TALK TO HER

Skip, skip, skip, skiiiiiip, annnndddd here:

"I'm not hearing no!"

Branch doesn't look sad, he doesn't look mad, he doesn't look scared, he doesn't look uncomfortable, and most importantly, he doesn't look forced

True, Poppy was all "We are so in!", but unlike in Twt, she actually listened to Branch when he wanted to talk to her, and Branch actually talked when something he didn't like was going on. Do you even see how much they've grown?

Now, Poppy knows how hard life is without a sibling, and she doesn't want her boyfriend to just take his family for granted. Her heart was in the right place, people

And Branch didn't say no! He didn't refuse! They talked, different opinions and different thoughts and different mindsets, yet they worked things out

And yeah, I know Branch was probably thinking 'what have I gotten myself into' in this scene

But the entire movie was just Branch having issues and dealing with them. And Poppy was trying to help him. Also, in case you haven't noticed, things do not work out the way Poppy has imagined, just like in Twt, but the difference? Later, she didn't leave Branch alone to go save Floyd, she went with him. Now, I hear you saying: she went because Branch didn't say anything to her, while they fought in Twt, that's why she left him

Wrong!

Let me remind you that Branch lied to her, kept things from her, kept his feelings from her, didn't open up, and literally was being sarcastic and you can see she was hurt in this scene

And they're in a new relationship which Branch is already beginning with hiding stuff, yet she put all that behind because -I'm not gonna say boyfriend - the man she loved, needed her. So, yeah. She's changed

Takes a deep breath

Now, let's move on, shall we?

I just wanted to point out how Poppy was looking at Branch when he was trying to yet again hide his feelings. She knows what's up

Moving on to this scene:

The way she's telling them to include Branch? The pure happiness and excitement on her face for him! PLEASE?! May I remind you that SHE WASN'T SINGING WITH THEM BUT WAS THIS HAPPY FOR BRANCH?!

Now, I've already talked about the scenes I'm going to talk about now in the analysis posts, but I'm gonna copy-paste them here because I don't want you people going to those posts, then return to this one and lose your focus and vibe

You have Branch, whose brothers' return has reopened scars he's been trying to close for so long, and has just found out his brother is being held captive, and is now in a rescue mission to save him and sing the perfect family harmony, the same thing that they failed miserably at the last time so they walked out and never talked to each other again, comforting his girlfriend. Poppy needed time, needed him, and he was ready to give her all the time she needed and stay with her. Proof? He didn't move until she has left first, ensuring she was ready to leave

Then we have Poppy, who has just found out her boyfriend has been hiding secrets from her, and watched as he reluctantly agreed to reunite with his brothers, and discovered she had a sister that she knew n o t h i n g about, and that this sister was so afraid to leave her safe place and go with her, deciding to go help Branch save his brother. She took one last glance at the walls separating her from Viva, then walked towards Rhonda, silently signaling she was ready to leave.

They were both dealing with stuff, needed time to open up/stay, yet each one thought of the other

Then this scene was SOMETHING ELSE-

"Where are you going?"

"To save Floyd, alone. I didn't need them growing up and I don't need them now." He didn't even look back when he said, "What are you doing?"

And the look of disbelief on her face. "What do you mean? I'm coming with you!"

He literally gave her a blind eye, didn't look at her. He didn't want to get weak. "Why bother? Aren't you gonna leave me eventually anyway?" He was certain. He didn't wait for any reassurances because he didn't want to hear any and live a lie again. "Everyone else does."

But despite that, Poppy did NOT give up on him

"I have been by your side from the moment we've met, and you've been by mine. Let's give each other some credit here."

'and you've been by mine' this wasn't about her, but about THEM. This line has so much depth and meaning for their relationship

"You're right, I'm sorry. Thank you."

He started with the apology because he knew what he just said was WRONG. He knew she wasn't leaving, they've always been there for each other. And I don't think he thanked her for coming, maybe for reminding him? I mean, that's Branch we're talking about, he would surely have thoughts and insecurities about people leaving him

But Poppy's always there to remind him that she's always there

His mission is her mission. She was willingly going for an insane rescue mission, and face people BRANCH HIMSELF didn't know anything about, all the while trying to deal with the separation between her and Viva. But she was going with him. Because that's just them

All they wanted was for the other to be happy

And in the end? It worked out just fine

So, to sum up this post, and the previous two: no, Branch isn't perfect like we claim, nor Poppy is, too. Hiding things? Sure, that happens. Lying? Happens as well. Disagreements? Oh, yeah, lots of those. But in the end of the day? They work things out

Branch is perfect for Poppy, and Poppy is perfect for Branch

That's just love, and it doesn't have to be perfect all the time

Sooooo, that's it? Omg that was fuuuun!

Anyway, as usual, feel free to add or comment on anything!

Part one

Part two

[lgbtlunaverse]

It seems the dash has been talking about the Lan Xichen - Nie Huaisang post-canon dynamics and it's gotten me thinking about how discussion around post-canon Lan Xichen's absolutely horrendous mental state often center around the question of "who is Lan Xichen angry at and who does he feel guilty about" which, at its worst, seperates into 2 camps where according to one side he feels guilty about not protecting jgy and hates the Nies and, on the other side he has completely flipped on jgy and despises him now while being filled with regret towards both nmj and nhs.

And I dislike both of these takes not just because it often feels like people projecting their own Blorbo opinions onto Lan Xichen which is never a fun time but also because that central question is flawed to begin with. It treats anger and guilt like opposing emotions that can't coexist or, if they do, have to compete until one wins and cancels the other out.

And that's not how that... works.

To be clear, the reason why Lan Xichen is so supremely fucked up at the end of the story is that he believes on some level he fucked over everyone in this situation. And, even more importantly, that even with hindsight he can't actually think of what he should have done instead. Every attempt to do better by one seems to involve fucking over the others even more because these people were in conflict with each other and choosing one would mean standing against another

And none of this would actually stop him from feeling angry at any of them. It's not "who is he angry at and who does he feel guilty about" it's: "he is angry at everyone and feels an immediate and bone deep guilt for daring to think badly of them."

Speaking from personal experience here, but feeling like you're not allowed to be angry at someone because you wronged them really doesn't stop the feeling, it just maks you feel like shit for feeling it. And this is all worsened by the fact that what he's in seclusion for is, at the end of the day, a moral question of what he, Lan Xichen, did wrong and every single emotion serves as further proof of the ways he's failed them.

Is he angry at Jin Guangyao, for killing his oldest friend, using Lan xichen's trust in him to do it, and then lying to him about it and countless other things for a decade when Lan Xichen thought of him as the person he trusted the most in the entire world? Yeah. That's a thing people get angry about! Except Jin Guangyao also saved his life and protected and helped him more times than he can count and never ever hurt him and can Lan Xichen say the same? No. He had to clean A-Yao's blood off Shouyue, he has to be haunted by the fact that if he just hadn't listened to Huaisang- hadn't been just like everyone else, in the end, and believed a lie about Jin Guangyao just to think the worst of him- then Jin Guangyao might still be alive.

Is he angry at Huaisang? For orchestrating the death of his best friend? For making him do it? For knowing what the real cause behind Nie Mingjue's death was and never telling him until he found out in the absolute worst way? Absolutely. But didn't Huaisang hide it from him for a reason? Wasn't it his clan's techniques and his personal faith in Jin Guangyao that cost Huaisang his brother? How dare he demand that Huaisang let him in on the secret of his brother's murderer when Lan Xichen is here wondering about how he should have protected that murderer better!

And I do even think he's angry at Nie Mingjue, sometimes I think it's pretty normal to be angry at your friend for kicking your other friend down the stairs and threatening to kill him, even when you know his mind is being poisoned. And years later the last thing he ever saw of Nie Mingjue was Nie Mingjue's thoughtless corpse coming to kill him before Jin Guangyao pushed him away and then proceeded to graphocally snap Jin Guangyao's neck in front of him. And if what he wants to do is protect Jin Guangyao, shouldn't he be mad at Mingjue? Didn't this whole mess start because Jin Guangyao was afraid Nie Mingjue was going to kill him?

Except holy shit, can you imagine? Lan Xichen feels like he personally has Nie Mingjue's blood on his hands. Your oldest friend is killed in front of you and you happily believe it's an accident for 11 years and now you think you have the right to be mad at him? You watched him get worse as he was being poisoned and attributed it to his illness and not to the techniques stolen from your library with the token you give his murderer. Does he think Nie Mingjue knew who he was in that moment and wanted to kill him? That he blamed Lan Xichen for his death? (For the record, I don't. I don't agree with most of what Lan Xichen thinks about himself, but I've been in a self-blame spiral and I know how it feels)

But what was he supposed to do then? Choose Mingjue's side and let A-Yao die? That's also unacceptable. But so is letting Jin Guangyao get away with it. Every single outcome is unacceptable. And really, if Jin Guangyao felt like he had to kill Nie Mingjue to save himself, when it was Lan Xichen who was supposed to keep the peace between them, isn't that another mark of his failure? That he couldn't protect Jin Guangyao well enough that he felt he had to do something so horrible?

But that's not an answer! He's supposed to know what he should have done different, and all he can come up with is "what you were already doing, but without failing this time" He can't pick a side because that means betrayal, but he's already tried not picking a side and it ended like this! There is no right answer, which can only leave him with the idea that he was simply doomed to hurt the people he loved from the start. No wonder the guy looks like shit when we see him post-canon. They put him in a real life trolley problem and gave him the lever as a souvenir.

[hellfirenacht]

Wing Man 11

Fic Summary: Steve ‘the Hair’ Harrington is your best friend, and is constantly striking out. Sick of this, you two make a deal; you’ll wing man for each other. Hooking Steve up with dates is easy, but he finds himself struggling to find you a date. At least, until Dustin starts talking about his new cool friend Eddie.

Chapter Summary: Steve talks shit. Paige and Eddie talk business.

5.2k words

(1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10)

Working for Family Video came with many upsides, especially when you worked with people who you also enjoyed seeing outside of the store. Rentals were already dirt cheap with your employee discount, and near expired candy and popcorn never quite made it into the dumpster out back and somehow magically appeared in your bag instead at the end of your shift. 

You always liked to think that Family Video was sponsoring your bi-monthly movie nights with Steve and Robin. The Harrington household was always the meeting spot, as he was the only one who had a tv and VCR in his room. Well, you did as well now after Keith had tossed out an old player, saying it was broken. You’d brought it home to tinker with and found that some kid had stuck gum in the tape slot. It had taken you a week to clean and another month to figure out how to hook everything back up, but it was yours. Steve still had the nicer home and tv though, and more importantly his parents bought brand name snacks. 

The three of you were in Steve’s living room, the movie playing on the screen long forgotten as the three of you caught up with each other. Robin was usually the barometer for if a movie was worth watching, she and Steve might have had very different tastes, but Steve would usually get sucked up into whatever movie she chose. 

“So is his band any good?” Robin asked, dumping a bag of m&ms into her bowl of popcorn. 

“I think so.” you shrugged, cracking open a drink. “If anything, they’re good enough to be scouted twice.”

“By the same person.” Steve pointed out. “You know, his ex.” 

You had brought the news of Eddie’s meet up with Paige to your friends with mixed results. Robin seemed indifferent, but that’s because most of the time she didn’t have the same interest in talking about boys. Steve, however, seemed less than thrilled about this idea. 

“Yes, Steve, his ex. As in, not together anymore.” you sighed, wishing you felt as confident as you sounded. “Whatever happened between them sounded like it blew up for both of them.”

“But she still wants to have lunch with him!” Steve said. 

“Yes, to talk about the band!” you shot back. “And it’s lunch. Didn’t you tell me that dinner is a date and lunch is just two people hanging out?” 

“Since when does my advice apply to you or Eddie?”

“Since Paige isn’t me or Eddie, so your dating advice might actually apply here.” you snapped and took a breath. “Sorry. This is all new to me. I’m really not sure how I’m supposed to feel right now. It’s like every time things start to go well with me and Eddie, something happens. Paige, Chris, you-”

“Hey-”

“I like him a lot.” You leaned back against the couch, grabbing the popcorn bowl from Robin. “When I’m with him, I get that same feeling that I do when I’m hanging out with you two or when I’m at the show every month. I don’t feel like I’m hiding myself when he’s around.”

“There are other weirdos and freaks around.” Steve pointed out. “If I had known there were that many of you around, I would have agreed to go to the show earlier to help you get phone numbers.” 

“Yeah, but have you seen the way she looks when she’s talking about Eddie?” Robin hopped into the conversation. “I don’t think anyone even existed to her that night.”

It was true, no one other than your friends and (unfortunately) Chris had truly registered to you at the show. Yeah, you’d noticed the few cast members but they weren’t the metal head with the long hair and crop top that had held your hand all night.

“Oh shit, did I tell you guys that we ran into Chris?!” You asked suddenly, changing the subject. 

“Wait, that guy you and Eddie kept talking shit about?” Steve turned to look at you, grabbing a handful of popcorn and getting crumbs on the couch.

“Yeah!” you said. “He actually works for the show now, I guess? He said he’s been there for a while and he’s seen me at the show before. It was so fucking weird.”

“Is that the guy who said you were too normal to play with Hellfire?” Robin asked. 

You nodded. “Yeah, and he ran Hellfire into the ground until Eddie took over. And now he’s doing tech for the show. Also, he was Rocky in the shadow cast.”

“The guy in the metallic shorts?!” Steve gawked. 

“Columbia did say that the cast changed for the night.” Robin said, and you gave her a quizzical look, remembering the lipstick mark you’d seen on her jaw that night. “She came by and talked to us before the show!” 

“She couldn’t resist my charm.” Steve gave you a smile that you were sure worked with someone like Nancy Wheeler, or Tammy Thompson. You just shook your head and laughed. 

“Right, anyway. Chris came and talked to us after the show and he told me auditions are gonna be open for the cast. He gave me his card, and told me that it was invite only.” you explained.

“You’ve been talking about wanting to be part of that since we started working together.” Steve said. 

“Yeah, I guess I get a shot to do something, too.” 

“Chris turned you down for Hellfire, and now is letting you audition?” Robin asked. 

“We aren’t in school anymore.” you pointed out. “I know how it sounds, but none of us are the same people we were back then. I’m not the same person I was two years ago, none of us are.”

“I hate it when you’re right, you know.” 

“I’m just saying that if I can give you the benefit of the doubt and make friends with you then maybe Chris isn’t as big of a prick as he was back then. I might not have even given Eddie a chance, either.” You picked out a few m&ms from the popcorn bucket, getting your fingers covered with butter and colored candy coating. “I mean, at the end of the day, isn't that what this whole deal was about? Shaking off old habits and trying to step outside of contentment?”

“I thought your deal was so that you can stop having Steve check you out every time you wanted to rent porn.” Robin snickered. 

“I thought we were just trying to get dates.” Steve looked confused and you gave him a pat on the head. It always amused you how his hair could spring back into place like that.

“That too.” you said. 

“So, you’re really okay with Eddie going to see his ex?” Steve said, forcing you back into that topic. 

”I’m not thrilled about it.” You finally admitted. “But we only went on one date and this might help his band. Besides, if we start... Whatever this is without some sort of trust then is it even worth starting?”

“So you trust him?” 

“I trust you and Dustin, who vouched for him. He was honest enough to tell me that it’s his ex who wants to talk about his band. What happens next is up to him.”

“I hope you know what you’re doing.” Steve relented and his eyes wandered back to the tv. 

You didn’t, but you were tired of letting other people tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. 

Ever since Benny’s shut down, there wasn’t really any good place to meet up with someone for lunch in town. Every time he had seen Paige before, it had either been at the Hideout, or his van. Neither of which was really a good place to talk about Corroded Coffin. 

It was Paige’s idea to meet at the small hole-in-the-wall pub that was just out of Eddie’s comfort zone in terms of price. Eddie arrived on Saturday afternoon, earlier than he meant to with his nerves. He leaned against the wall outside of the pub, watched the cars go by as he waited for her. 

She didn’t leave him waiting for long, and ten minutes before their agreed upon time, Paige was standing in front of him for the first time in over two years. She hadn’t grown an inch, but her wavy dark hair had, and now barely brushed her shoulders. In the daylight, Eddie could see a faint tint of red that he never noticed before. Other than two or three times, he realized that he and Paige had never spent a lot of time together when the sun was out. Paige’s freckles were as prominent as ever. 

To Eddie’s surprise, she looked happy to see him. 

“Hi, Eddie.” she said, and to his relief she didn’t go in for a hug. 

“Hi, Paige.” He responded and reached over to open the door to the pub for her. 

The two didn’t say anything until they were sitting at a dimly lit booth in the corner, where Paige broke the ice. 

“Before we get into any business talk, I need you to be honest with me.” She started, sitting up straight and looking him in the eyes. “If you care about your future in music, and your band, you need to tell me what happened. Tell me how you ended up in jail two days before the most important moment in either of our careers.” 

Eddie had expected this, and the past week had been spent trying to find a way to spin the story so that he didn’t look like the biggest asshole on the planet. In the end, he decided that he should be honest with her. Paige wanted real, and he would give that to her, tarnish and all.

Someone came by and took their drink orders, giving Eddie a moment to collect his thoughts. 

“I did something stupid.” He started. 

“Obviously.” She gave him a wry smile. 

“Moving to California isn’t cheap.” He watched the tone of his voice, searching for that piece of him that made Hellfire and Corroded Coffin listen to him. Being a dungeon master for so long had given him a way of speaking that could draw someone in when he tried, and right now he knew he needed to try and convince Paige that Corroded Coffin deserved a second chance. “I needed a way to pay for everything that came with moving across country. My dad... he-” Eddie’s voice wavered for a brief moment. “He had an idea to make some quick cash for the two of us. It wasn’t smart, and it really wasn’t legal.”

“Jesus,” Paige sighed, looking at him with a deep frown. “I would have helped you, Eddie. I was already willing to let you live with me for free until we got you set up. I told you that you didn’t have to be alone in this.” 

Asking for and accepting help wasn’t something that Eddie was ever good at. He’d been hyper-independent since he was a child, when his dad would disappear for long stretches of time, even after his mom died. Asking for help after (or especially because) Paige had put in so much money and effort for him already, wasn’t something that he could bring himself to do. 

“I know.” Eddie said. “I had this stupid idea that if I didn’t make the effort on my own, then I didn’t deserve the change. So I did something stupid, really fucking stupid, and it cost me everything.”

“Mark told me that you shot a cop.” Paige said, and before Eddie could speak up, she continued. “I didn’t believe him. When I wired the money, I was able to get an idea of what happened. You saved that guys life.” 

“I couldn’t let him just bleed out on my yard.” Eddie said. “I couldn’t- it wouldn’t be right to run away like that.” 

“You really caused a lot of trouble, you know that?” 

“I know.” Eddie took a deep breath and looked into her eyes. “I’m sorry. I fucked up. I did a lot of stupid shit I shouldn’t have, and I paid the price. It cost me more than just the audition.”

There was a time between getting the news about his audition with WR Records and the heist that Eddie flew. He had everything he had ever wanted; he got the girl, had his dad back, he had a future, which was something he never thought he’d have. For a few beautiful weeks, he had spiraled up, up, and up. 

In the end though, what goes up must come down. Eddie had reached for something that would never be meant for someone with the last name ‘Munson’. He had crashed back down to earth, to the reality of who he was and it had cost him everything. His dad, his childhood house, his audition, Paige, and even Ronnie for a short time. 

For the next two years, Eddie swore to never even think about reaching for the sun again. 

“Thank you for being honest with me.” Paige said. “I still think you’re an asshole.”

“I was an asshole.” He didn’t even try to fight it. “The biggest one in Hawkins.”

Even with her declaration, Paige still had a look on her face that was the ghost of an expression she had in the passenger side of his van on the night that she had given him the news that WR Records had liked him. 

“Things went downhill for me when you bailed on the audition.” Paige said, and Eddie swallowed, his mouth feeling dry. He had never known what had happened with her after their fight over the phone. “I got in a lot of trouble because of you. Davey doesn’t like anyone, but he liked you. When I couldn’t get you out there, it really screwed up any trust I had with my job.”

She stopped talking for a moment as a waiter came by and dropped off their food. Eddie couldn’t bring himself to touch the overpriced sandwich in front of him yet. His mouth felt dry and he reached for his water instead. 

“I was stuck in a dead end job, where any talent I tried to bring to the label was shot down without being given a chance. I was being paid to do nothing, except babysit the studio and paperwork.  I got demoted, and I was already at the bottom of the totem pole.” Paige never looked away from Eddie, her gaze unflinching and sharp. “I stopped liking music.”

Guilt washed over Eddie, and there was something in him that screamed at him to run away to avoid this. Being the reason someone stopped liking music? He knew he’d fucked up but that... that was something deeper than just missing an audition. 

“They didn’t have the means to really fire me, I hadn’t done anything wrong.” she continued. “They moved me to a smaller label under the WR name. That label was where acts they had given up on went to die.”

“Which label?” Eddie managed to ask, despite how dry his mouth felt. Even the water wasn’t helping. 

“Left Turn Media.” Paige said. 

During those weeks when things had been good between the two of them, Paige had mentioned the label once or twice. It was considered a death sentence to be put on that label, and working for them was WR’s way to get people to quit without firing them. The two had listened to a few cassettes from the label. The bands weren’t bad, and that was what stuck out to Eddie. The music wasn’t bad, but it was clear that the production was lacking and half-assed. Paige said that the music would be sent out to small radio stations to be played in the middle of the night. 

“Shit.” Eddie said. 

“Yeah, shit.” Paige let out a laugh. “But if there’s one thing I am, it’s stubborn. I threw myself into my work. I’ve been spending the last two years breaking down and completely reassembling Left Turn, and now I’m in charge of it.”

“You.” His eyes went wide as he stared at her. “You’re in charge of Left Turn Media.”

“It’s amazing what you can do when you’re pissed and have something to prove.” Paige shrugged. “I had a lot of time to think about my relationship with music in the last few years. I realized if I wanted to bring something real to the music scene of L.A. I was going to have to do it myself.”

Her dark lips curled up into a smile. “I should almost thank you for fucking up. Because you bailed, I was put in charge of a sinking ship. I patched it up with my own time and money and now Left Turn has become the label for all misfit bands who don’t fit any shiny polished label. I proved to myself and everyone around me that I belong in this industry.”

“I-” Eddie wasn’t sure how he was supposed to respond to that. “You’re welcome...?”

“We’re expanding the label outside of California.” She continued. “I’m in charge so I’m trying to bring good music to my hometown. It’s still not the biggest label, and we can’t offer half of what the bigger labels would, but it’s something.”

“And what are you offering?” Eddie felt dizzy, the more she talked. His words were careful, as if asking the wrong question could end in another blow up between the two of them. 

“What I’m offering is another chance for Corroded Coffin to be signed.” Paige’s arms crossed over her chest. “Left Turn is still finding its footing outside of L.A., so we’re flexible. I’m here to work with local radio and college stations around Indiana to get them to play the few bands we’ve signed so far. Who we have are okay, but they aren’t...”

“Real?” 

“Eddie you have something, as much as I never wanted to admit it again after what happened between us. There’s something about the way that you play that I haven’t been able to find since. I could do this without you, but I think that this is the real sink or swim moment. WR Records goes on with or without you, but I think what you have is what could turn Left Turn around.” Page took a deep breath. “If Corroded Coffin wants another shot, this would be it. If you still have that do-or-die energy when you play, I could offer you a real deal to put together an album. I could get you on the radio.”

Eddie listened to her words, taking in what she was offering. Yes, it wouldn’t be the easy street that WR would have been able to offer, but it would be something. And this time, it wouldn’t just be him auditioning, but Corroded Coffin was wanted this time. 

“You’re serious.” Eddie said, his heart rate picking up. 

“As serious as shooting a cop.” 

“Jesus.” Eddie couldn’t stop himself from letting out a laugh. He ran his fingers through his hair, messing up his fringe as he replayed everything that Paige had just told him in his mind. She wanted him to audition again. This was a chance that he wasn’t sure could be passed up. 

“Some of the band is still in high school.” He said, feeling reality settle like a stone in his stomach. He didn’t mention that his name was on that roster. 

“Like I said, we’re flexible.” Paige said. “I still need you all to audition again, and even then it’s going to take me a few months to set anything up here for the band. I want you all to audition with me and a few others from the label before the end of the year. If everything goes according to plan, Left Turn might have the recording studio ready by next June.” 

“You’re setting up your own recording studio?” Eddie perked up, the anxiety and guilt that he had originally felt was now shifting into something new. He found himself relaxing enough to eat his overpriced sandwich. 

“Yes. We need something that’s a step above Live Mike Studios in Lafayette. We have the building picked out and are already gutting it for Left Turn.” 

“You’ve really thought of everything, haven’t you?” Eddie smiled at her. 

“I have.” Paige agreed. “But I learned not to put all my eggs into one basket. This industry has taught me to have a plan A, B C, and D.” She let out a long sigh. “I made it to plan L before and I would prefer not to do that again.” 

“What was plan L?” 

“If I go into the whole story, I’ll need a strong drink. It involved a guitar player with his head up his ass thinking he was going to be the next Gene Simmons.” Paige groaned. 

“Gene Simmons doesn’t play guitar.” Eddie pointed out. Paige gave him a thousand yard stare, which said everything he needed to know. “Ok. Gotcha.” 

“I’m hoping to get everything set up with minimal surprises.” She concluded. “Get with your band. I’m going to be in town for the rest of the year setting things up.”

Eddie nodded. “So... why Indiana?” he asked. “You were in California. Why come back here to set this up?”

“Like I said, I want to bring good music to my hometown. Once everything’s done, I’ll be able to move back and forth from California to here.”

“And Corroded Coffin?”

“Will stay in Indiana.” She said firmly. “I can’t turn you into the Rock Hero you could have been two years ago, but I can try and make you a Hometown Hero.”

Another story. Paige had always been good at spinning stories. Once upon a time, Eddie had been a barback turned frontman turned Rock Hero. Now he’d be barback turned frontman turned Hometown Hero. That part felt less believable than before. 

That’s how Paige saw him, but how did he see himself? Barback turned front man turned drug thief turned drug dealer turned uber senior? None of that was a story worth selling. And what about the rest of his band? Would Gareth, Jeff, or Zack want to be part of this? Ronnie hadn’t, she just wanted to play just to play. Jeff had been excited about this when the opportunity was first presented, but would he still want the chance? Gareth was the youngest and still had over a year of school left. 

One thing at a time. 

“I’ll talk to the guys next practice.” Eddie said. 

“Good. Are you still playing at the Hideout?” Paige asked. 

Eddie froze for a second, as he imagined Paige and you in the same space to watch him play. He imagined your excited face, and the way you would cheer for them after every song, the excitement that radiated off of you after every set. Even earlier this week, when you’d dropped by to watch them, knowing that Eddie was going to see Paige, you’d still shown the same enthusiasm as before. 

He’d thrown you another pick. You’d handed it back to him at the end of the night, telling him that he could toss it at you again next week. 

“You look like someone who loses your picks the second they are out of your sight.”

You’d been right. The only one he could consistently find was the one he’d turned into a necklace. His dad’s picks had been packed away, shoved under his bed where he wouldn’t see them. Eddie didn’t use those picks anymore. 

A few weeks ago, he couldn’t stop comparing you to Paige, but now he couldn’t stop thinking about how different you two were. 

“Yeah, we play on Tuesdays now.” Eddie said. “People stopped complaining enough that Bev decided to give us a steady slot.”

“Good to know.” Paige said. She wasn’t confirming or denying if she’d show up, but that look in her eyes said that he could expect to see her again soon. 

After all, The Hideout was the only place in twenty miles of Hawkins that offered any live music. 

For the rest of the meal, the two caught up with each other. It didn’t feel as weird as Eddie would have expected, but it was nice. He let Paige do most of the talking, letting her tell him about her work in the industry, he didn’t need her knowing more than she needed to if he wanted to have this shot. Would she want to sign a bunch of high schoolers? He hadn’t even told Paige the first time that he had dropped out when Higgins blackmailed him. 

That was alright for now though. Paige talking meant that he didn’t have to and he added to the conversation by asking plenty of questions about her work. Hearing about the music industry from her end was something that he had a genuine interest in, anyway. 

Paige told him about how she had been given a copy of Iron’s Maiden’s Live After Death by Davey. She was even willing to make Eddie a copy of it. It wasn’t the video, but he wasn’t about to turn down audio of one of his favorite bands that wasn’t even released in the US. 

When the check came, Paige didn’t even blink as she paid the tab and the two of them made their way outside again. It was still pretty early in the afternoon, and the chill of the late autumn air contrasted the bright blue sky.

Trying to still be somewhat of a gentleman, Eddie walked Paige to her car as she recounted the tale of how she had been on the flight from Indianapolis to Los Angeles where Izzy Stradlin had been arrested for pissing in front of everyone.

Paige stopped with her hand on the door to her car before turning around to face Eddie before getting in. 

“I don’t hate you, you know.” she said. “I was mad for a really long time at what you did. But I don’t think you’re a bad guy, Eddie.”

Eddie didn’t feel like he deserved the forgiveness she was offering him. Being told that he was anything other than some satanic cult leader or freak wasn’t something he’d ever get used to.  

“Paige I...” He wasn’t sure what to say. 

She had that look in her eyes, the same look she’d had after she’d given him the news about his original audition. What are you waiting for? Paige was moving closer, freckles like constellations on her skin and the moon in her eyes eclipsed by her eyelids. 

Eddie's hand fell on Paige’s shoulder before her lips could get any closer to his. “I can’t.” he said. 

Her face went through a few emotions. Surprise, disappointment, and settling on embarrassment. 

“Shit. Sorry.” Paige said, shaking her head. 

“No it’s.. It’s fine.” Eddie said, and he could have sworn that Paige looked just as confused as he did. “I don’t think it’s a great idea to do.... That.” 

Eddie hadn’t once entertained the idea of Paige and him together again. It didn’t feel right. He wouldn’t lie and say that he didn’t find her attractive, but it wasn’t the same feeling he got that first night in the Hideout. As a teen, he’d been thrilled that a pretty girl was paying any attention to him at all, and was willing to do anything and be anything she wanted. 

Any relationship with Paige was business, plain and simple. She wanted a Rock Hero to help her get up the ladder, Eddie wanted to make it with his band. Sex had just been a bonus in their past relationship. Paige knew her stuff with music and the industry, but she didn’t rant about Ozzy and his bats, or have a real interest in D&D or put herself out there the same way that you- 

“I’m seeing someone.” He blurted out before Paige could say anything else. 

Paige looked surprised for a moment and shook her head and laughed. “Right. That... I’m sorry. I don’t even know why I did that.” she admitted. “I guess I got swept up in this stupid fantasy about being a power couple. We’re a bad idea.” 

“I’m sorry.” Eddie said, not sure what else could be said in this situation. 

“Don’t be. You’re right, ‘us’ is a bad idea.” she ran her fingers through her hair. “It’s a good thing my offer isn’t dependent on if we’re sleeping together or not.”

“I know you bought me lunch, are giving my band a second chance, and forgave me for one of the biggest fuck ups of my life, but I don’t put out that easy.” Eddie smiled at her, trying to lighten the mood.

Paige offered her hand and Eddie took it. “Business only then.” she said. “Talk to your band and call me to set up the audition.” 

Eddie watched Paige’s car drive off, and suddenly felt a lot lighter. He blasted his music and drove home, nearly laughing like a maniac. Today had been a wild roller coaster of emotions, and he couldn’t wait until the next band practice to bring the news to his band. 

At home, he grabbed his guitar and immediately began sorting through Corroded Coffin’s small pile of original songs, and the covers that they were able to perform the best. Eddie was off, lost in his own world as he wrote, re-wrote, and re-worked the set list. 

What would you think? Would you be excited for him? If this worked, he was going to make sure to get you concert tickets. Okay, he was getting ahead of himself. Maybe you could at least come for the audition as moral support. His band liked you, so maybe they wouldn’t mind. 

Eddie didn’t come back down to Earth until the phone rang that evening after Wayne went to work. He almost missed the call because of how deep he was into perfecting the riff that had eluded him for the past few months, determined now more than ever to get it down. 

He reached the phone on the last possible ring. “Hello?”

“Hey... Eddie?” Your voice cracked over the phone, and that feeling of excitement came crashing down. “Sorry I... Can you come pick me up? I’m at home.” 

You were crying. He could hear it in the way your voice strained and cracked. He was already reaching for his keys. 

“I’ll be right there.”  

a/n: As I stated before, I do like to try and keep everything as time accurate as possible. However things happen, and sometimes things are too good not to use. The Izzy Stradlin incident did not happen until 1989, but the fact that it was on a flight from Indianapolis to LA was too good to pass up. I also would like to notate that I did make a mistake when it came to the Ozzy Bat Incident. It was not a 17 year old girl, it was a 17 year old boy and the bat was already dead. Chalk that inaccuracy up to the tabloids of the time, and the lack of Google. No, this will not be addressed in the future of the fic unless it’s funny. 

Dividers By: @strangergraphics

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[soodoonimin]

Logan Howlett and animal instincts (or in other words my long winded analysis of a comic book character)

So before I start, just know that I have read a lot of comics but I don't know everything. I can take notes all day long but I have a bad memory and comics are confusing so please be nice and enjoy, this took a lot of effort to put together, it’s mostly my thoughts on the character as I read the the comic books. The movie character is a lot different and I will also probably do something like this for movie Logan as well (though it will be significantly shorter).

Also there are some pictures that have blood and body horror so beware.

What does it mean to be human? Well that's a question we as humans have been trying to answer since we could think to ask it and ever since then we've never been able to give a fully conclusive answer. Why? you may ask, well because think about it like this, the traits we most often associate with humanity (higher thinking, creativity, empathy, and love) may not and some times do not always exists solely within us when applied to fiction, we write whole stories about how robots can be human too, how aliens can be human etc etc as long as they have these traits (more or less) AND LOOK I'm not going to get into a whole philosophical discussion about the nature of humanity on Tumblr.com but I do want to take a second to talk about how those traits are applied to Logan and how he has to fight to prove his humanity.

So mutants are an oppressed people but being a mutant isn't always the same for everyone. You can be a mutant like Rouge who can kill people with a single touch or mutant like Storm who can bend the weather to your will (the most obvious example). You can be a mutant like Jean with no obvious physical signs of your mutation or you can be a mutant like Kurt, where 9/10 people think you’re a demon of some kind.

But what happens when you're a mutant like Logan Howlett? I mean you look human enough, sure you're a little more hairy than most people, you have fangs, you smell, and oh yeah the claws but those are retractable so overall....you're just a normal person right? Nothing you can’t hide, right? Yeah, for the most part, yeah. But there are a couple of other things about you that someone might not know from looking at you, you have an extraordinary healing factor, you have almost animal like senses and when you are pushed to your absolute brink you go into a monstrous like a rage and kill everything in sight.

For every gift Logan was born with theres a very real curse attached to each one.

Healing Factor: Logan still feels pain, the healing factor isn’t just limited to his body but it also messes with his memories, and more importantly he’s lived a very long life. In The End comic and Old Man Logan comic etc, when he’s out lived most of the world, he’s miserable.

Keen senses: Seems great, until they’re exploited, imagine what being able to smell and see and hear that well all the time without relief must be like. Imagine not being able to tell when someone is going to die? Or when they’re lying or when they haven’t showered etc. sure you might get used to it like you might get used to pain but that doesn’t make it pleasant.

Claws: Need to really touch on this one? Aside from the obvious please remember that Logan’s claws aren’t in his knuckles but in his fucking forearms so when using them he needs to make an effort to direct them or….

Berserker rage: great to get you out of a pinch but you can’t control it. (We’ll talk more about this later)

Most people don’t see these very real downsides of Logan’s mutation, they just see a small, angry guy, who’s good at fighting and can take a hit better than almost anyone.

Here’s what worse, a lot of people (X-men included) don't see, they don't all the ways Logan hates himself (and those who do don’t see the depths of that hate he has for himself). They don't see the scared little boy whose father was killed in front of him. They don't see that little boy who killed his father's murderer and was abandoned by all but one person for one person (Rose). They don't see the young man who accidentally killed his first love while trying to protect her from his brother. They don't see the man who lived a relatively miserable life being plucked up by a group of people who only saw him as something to be experimented on. They don’t see the man who believes that if he loves someone he's destine to hurt them in one way or another because he has multiple times over (even if it wasn’t always his fault). They don’t see that for all the times that they call Logan an animal, he already believes them and he’s called himself worse many times over.

(Deep down he truly believes he deserves be to alone, especially in death. That would be his “deserved” hell. Eternal loneliness.)

Which is funny because I think Logan goes back and forth in deciding on whether or not he has any humanity in him in the first place. See in the Black, White and Blood comic, the FIRST story told in this series, is an account of Logan’s time at Weapon X and we get this…interaction:

Pourquoi tu me fais ça?///Why are you doing this to me? This "monster" asks him this on the cusp of death....

(Moments during the Weapon X program, be they real memories or not, when Logan’s humanity shone through)

And THIS almost immediately snaps him out of mind control he's under going. I don't know if he understood the words per say but I think even if he didn't, he still understood the plea on a human level. Because it wasn’t Weapon X who responded, it wasn’t the berserker, or Wolverine. It was Logan Howlett. It was a moment of humanity that broke the conditioning he’d been put through that answered that plea and stopped him. Because if you think about it, if these two memories actually are real, that means that Logan recognized this plea as the same one gave to the scientists. Now determining what did or didn't happen during the Weapon X program is difficult to parse out because they implanted false memories. BUT regardless of that there was always a part of him that held onto his humanity. But I think that just adds to the horror of it all. Imagine not being able to know what memories are yours and which ones are not? So let me ask, even if those memories are “false” does that make them any less real? Does that mean that Logan suffered any less under their stewardship? He was still kidnapped, he was still experimented on, still tortured. He still had the adimantium grafted onto his bones, he was still made into a living puppet and was still seen as nothing more than a weapon, an animal, a monster by the very people who were doing all of this to him and in some respects they are the reason he is seen as a monster by others.

At the end of that comic (where he was momentarily snapped out of his conditioning) he states that no his humanity wasn’t stolen from him but he still lives with that guilt of everything he can’t remember and the things he can remember are unreliable.

I know a lot of people haven’t read the comics so I’m not trying to do annoying about it BUT if you get the opportunity to PLEASE go read The Weapon X comic (by Berry Windsor-Smith) & Wolverine’s first limited series run (by Chris Claremont).

I specifically say that second one because I think the story that’s told is probably one of the more interesting told for Logan because of the relationship he has with Yukio and Mariko. I’m not going to get too deep into it because I really think you should read it for yourself but the basic outline of it is that where Mariko loves the man, Yukio loves the “monster”. And when he’s initially trying to court Mariko it’s his attempts to in a sense to court humanity but he fails and when he turns to Yukio. And for her part it’s not just as simple as her loving the “monster” but more than she goads it out of him, for thematic reasons and plot reasons. But needless to say, they both love Logan but they both love an incomplete version of him. (It’s a really good story and it’s literally what sold me on the idea of reading through any of the older comics.)

Anyway, (in the comics and movies especially) some people solely see him as a man with an uncontrollable side that they’d run from at the first sign of aggression and others only want that animalistic side and don’t love the man that Logan is. The thing is, he is both of those things. Think about it like this. As humans we like to think ourselves above the food chain, we like to think of ourselves as *more* than animals. And sure we’re definitely one of the most successful species of animals on Earth and we definitely don’t act on instincts in the same way most animals do, we’ve created society and rules and we do things a lot different than other animals but we are still animals.

So Logan isn’t both a man and an animal anymore than you or me. But he is a man that is more in touch with those animal instincts than the rest of us (bc of his mutation). Which I think is why when he does act on those instincts, people see him as less, because we (yes even comic book characters for this argument) only seem associate those traits with animals, with something lesser than ourselves.

The thing is, being “an animal” doesn’t need to be an insult or a condemnation of any kind. Humans are still animals but humans are still kind, and caring, humans have still created beautiful art and music and food and architecture and have got to the stars will probably go beyond the stars all while still being an “animal”.

So I think where most people get hung up on word “animal” is because it has such a negative connotation when applied to humans. And thus that negative connotation basically perpetuates itself so the only time we call other humans animals is when we mean to attack their humanity.

So back to Logan. Imo, there is no better example of this than the way people, Logan included, treat his (and subsequently him) berserker rage. Logan describes it as a monster that shares his soul, something else inside him, the real thing that makes him a monster, something that he doesn’t like, something he’s scared of, something he can’t always control but that he does everything in his power to keep away from the people he loves. Because Logan doesn’t like to kill, he doesn’t like hurting people. He might be good at it, he might be known for it but that doesn’t mean he likes it. Even when he thinks death is a deserved punishment, he isn't ever happy about having to kill. And he even says as much at one point in the comics.

And as a real quick aside, but this is almost exactly what sets him apart from Victor Creed. They're both men whose mutation gives them heightened animal like traits. The only difference is that Logan is ashamed of those parts of himself especially when they pertain to violence where Victor likes it, enjoys it; he goes out of his way for violence.

(If there is more to Victor Creed than meets the eye please tell me bc I gotta say I don’t actually know too much about him except that any time I see him in any Wolverine media I immediately laugh bc I know the two around to brawl. And I’m almost never wrong lmao)

And mind you there are times when Logan is also a hammer in the sense that he tends to punch his way through most of his problems. But he doesn't go out of his way for it in the same way Victor does despite having every reason to.

Logan has killed people but unlike Victor he isn't a killer. Even if that's what he's "the best at".

So when he goes into this specific rage that labels him a monster (an animal) it’s almost always in front of someone he loves and it’s almost always in a moment when he’s trying to prove his humanity (when it’s being used thematically and not for plot convenience). Like if you go read the comics 9 times out 10 when Logan is being called a monster or animal by some scientist or an enemy looking to humiliate him. But it’s almost always in the mitts of a life or death situation. A situation that anyone would fight light hell to get out of even with an amazing healing factor like Logan’s.

Because he still feels pain.

He still wants to survive.

He still feels.

And at the end of it all, he feels ashamed and horrified with himself and he'll always have to live with that guilt and shame. There's a point in one of the comics when he describes his heart as being slower to heal than the rest of his body and I think its interesting because although that story he's talking more from a "heart broken" sense. I also think that can apply just as equally to idea that it also harder for him to heal from not just heart break but also from shame and guilt. In certain situations, it takes longer for him to forgive himself emotionally because he suffers physically in the short term. He’ll never have a physical scar of his wrong doing and so he carries the emotional weight of it with him.

But also because he isn't just dealing with himself. In those moments when he comes out of that rage, the people he loves are in shock and are scared because they saw the “monster” and some people do reject it and in so they reject him and although rejection is something Logan thinks he deserves, it doesn’t make that pain hurt any less. it doesn't make it any easier to heal just because you agree with them, and in a way I think that's what slows down that healing process. Logan's inability to forgive himself.

Because that's the thing, Logan, would rather be scared of himself than forgive himself, be it because of his past trauma or because of the Weapon X program (which in the Weapon X comic it’s implied if not outright stated that the scientist at Weapon X are the reason he feels the fear he does about himself). Logan is scared of no one on Earth more than the man he sees in the mirror. And that’s because in his lowest moments when he looks in the mirror he doesn't see a man, instead he sees an animal, a monster. He doesn’t need the rest of the world to tell him what he already thinks of himself, it just doesn’t help that he has a choir of voices that are sometimes louder than his own telling him his worst fear is real. He is the monster that hides under his own bed but the problem is, while the monster is 'real' is a physical sense, it does not share a soul with him anymore than the boogeyman does. He wrestles with himself. Somedays he believes he's a man like anyone else and other days he can't drown out the voices telling him he's nothing more than a monster.

And as my last touch on the beserker rage, I want to posit my own theory about it. Personally believe to some extent that it isn’t part of his natural mutation and that instead it’s something that was “given” to him by the Weapon X program. The reason I say this is because I think it would make a lot of sense that like the adimantium claws and false memories it would make sense to give you “weapon” this uncontrollable rage (that mostly comes out in times of great duress). Not just because it would be one more thing Weapon X has taken from him (control over his own emotions/body) but also because wouldn’t that just make sense on the side of the people who ran the project? That your living puppet have a fail safe of sorts in case it ran into something bigger than itself? During the Weapon X comic, the scientist are constantly surprised by how resilient he is and even though some of this surprise happens in a false memory, they really do believe they can kill him at one points so if they thought they could kill him, why not something else? Why not give their investment insurance? And what better insurance for an animal than monstrous rage. 

But of course none of this is even to talk about the kind of person Logan really is. The thing that I think most people (in the comics) tend to ignore about Logan, in favor of focusing on his rough exterior (and some of his more questionable characteristics) is that he really does have a heart of gold. Now do not get me wrong, he can do some pretty fucked up shit (I will not talk about the Jean and Scott love triangle bc it gives me a migraine) but he does regularly do things that show how much empathy he has. That show that despite what he (or the rest of the world) might think, he isn’t a monster. The best examples of this are his relationships and more specifically the relationships where he’s a father/mentor. Like his relationship with Kitty Pryde and Jubilee, two kids that he basically adopts/takes under his wing and constantly goes out of his way for. Some of you might remember this post and the reason Logan does eventually fuck Wade’s shit up is because Wade literally punches the ever living shit out of Kitty in front of Logan. In another comic issue (after this), Logan beats the shit out of Wade again for punching Kitty, it’s funny but it also just goes to show that he does take protection of his family seriously. And mind you he doesn’t hunt Deadpool down, he find him by sheer plot coincidence when he’s getting a book signed for Kitty and the author just so happened to be Deadpool’s mark.

And mind you, Logan does have love for his own kids (Laura and Daken) despite the troubled nature of both this relationships but again those are a little more complicated. That’s partially for plot reasons but also because they play into just how much Logan hates himself that he struggles active show the same love for his adopted family to his “blood” family (again with Daken it’s a lot more complicated) but I also think that not only are his relationships with them fraught because of how much he hates himself but because both Laura and Daken were experimented on just and manipulated like he was (and in Daken’s case by a major player of Weapon X) so while he does love them past his own self hatred, they are also a reminder of his deepest traumas. It’s not their fault and it’s not necessarily Logan’s fault either, it’s just the cards their characters were dealt. (I haven’t read any comics with them yet so once I do I will most likely write my thoughts on his relationship with them each individually)

Regardless, Logan, depsite what he’d like you to think, is a deeply loving, empathetic and loyal person and this doesn’t just extend to people who considers family:

(Logan says this a man who not only a few issues ago was trying to kill him and his partner/friends. He saved Roughouse (the character he went berserk on a few pictures ago) because he was being experimented on in a way not too dissimilar to the way he had been by Weapon X. And if I remember correctly this is before he even knows how he got the adimantium in his bones)

He is James 'Logan' Howlett. He is a man whose life was stolen from him so many times over. He is a man who believes that the worse parts of him are all that matter and fails (or refuses) to see the good he has done in the lives of the people he cares about and believes that only death will truly bring him peace. He is someone who despite his flaws can’t help but to be kind. He is someone who fights like hell for what he believes is right. And even if he believes he’s a monster, even if the world believes he’s a monster, he will try to do the right thing because although he knows his soul is damned that doesn’t mean that exempts him from doing what good he can. He is someone who gives and good as he gets and then some. He’s the best at what he does but for him, that isn’t alway what he thinks it is.

And I think that’s the beauty of Logan as a character. Someone whose life is so wrought with tragedy and yet he is someone who can’t help but to be kind, someone who can’t help but love and care and find the humanity in the world despite the world seeming to be hellbent on taking his humanity away. Even though he (and many people in universe) might disagree with me, he is not only a one of the best humanity has to offer but he is also a shining example of the tenacity of the human spirit.

[thatfandomslut]

Social Pariahs

Janis Imi'ike x Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Trigger Warning: shameless flirting, cringy pick up lines, two anarchists in love (sry not sry)

Request:

please do a Janis x reader where the reader is new at school and doesn’t want to get into the social pyramid and they are outcasts together idk some fluffy stuff

Mean Girls requests are open.

Janis Imi'ike would be lying if she wasn't enamored by the new girl. She was just so cool. For starters, the Plastics offered her a spot at their table, and she swiftly shot them down, opting for a seat by herself in the lunch room. Watching Regina's face fall as she tried to hide the shock with a scowl was honestly Janis's favorite thing to ever happen. Additionally, they shared three classes: chemistry, English, and, most importantly, art. That was how Janis learned how amazing the new girl was with a paintbrush as she finished an art assignment on the inner self.

"Ms. (L/n)," the teacher cleared his throat, analyzing the canvas. On it displayed the brain on fire. A worry line slowly appeared on the teacher's face before a forced smile fell on his lips as he put the canvas back onto the easel. "Would you like the pleasure of explaining your art as a way to also get to know everyone a bit better?"

It was obvious that (Y/n) didn't want to as she pondered for a moment. "Okay, yeah, sure." (Y/n) stood up, removing the smock that covered her clothes. Though, the paint did find its way to her hands, arms, and face. Janis watched intently, her chin resting on her fist. She knew that if Damian was there, she would be receiving the biggest side-eye in the entire world. Thankfully, within the four walls of the classroom, she was safe from his judgmental stare as she admired the girl from afar. "My name is (Y/n). My art on the inner self represents how I feel the school system is doing more harm than good by frying our brains as they mold us into the people they want us to be rather than the people we want to be." (Y/n) said, sitting back down as the teacher stared in shock.

After a moment, he cleared her throat as he looked around. The other students, with the exception of Janis, seemed to be just as shocked and in a brief moment of confusion. "Right, right… Thank you, (Y/n)." He said, feeling slightly resigned as he plopped back into his chair. He had the sudden realization that one, he didn't get paid enough for this shit, and two, she was going to be a brilliant artist one day using her political ideologies to guide her.

Janis stared brightly at the girl but quickly looked away when they made eye contact with each other. Janis didn't notice the girl approaching her work. It was a small version of her with Cady and Damian with music notes and horror movies stitched over her paint strokes. "Your work is really cool." (Y/n) said, startling Janis, who looked over. She was at a loss for words. She had so much she wanted to say but couldn't. She finally understood how Cady felt about Regina and Aaron. "Are they your friends? I've seen you with him, but who is she? Your girlfriend?" The girl inquired, pointing over at Cady.

"Cady? No, no. She is not my girlfriend. She's cool and all but not for me." Janis said, waving off the feeling of embarrassment that wanted to stain her cheeks a bright shade of red. There was a small hint of a smile on (Y/n)'s lips as she listened to Janis. "I- I notice you sit alone at lunch. Is there anyone I can convince you to sit with Damian and me?" Janis offered, a feeling of dread settling on her chest as she feared rejection.

However, the familiar blow never hit. "Yeah, sure, as long as you're not a part of whatever weird social pyramid scheme that the rest of the school seems to be in." She said as the bell rang. Grabbing her bag, (Y/n) offered Janis a wave that caused Janis to feel like she was floating momentarily. While Cady described the feeling she had for Regina and Aaron to make her feel 'stupid with love,' Janis felt confident. (Y/n) was so beautiful and they shared so many of the same ideas (though she only knew two of them). Janis couldn't help but find herself crushing on (Y/n).

At lunch the next day, (Y/n) showed up, standing behind Janis. "Excuse me, ma'am," Damian smirked over to Janis when (Y/n) began speaking. Janis went red as she looked behind her with a sheepish smile. "I might not be a photographer, but I could see us together." (Y/n) said playfully as she sat next to Regina. Once again, she had rendered the very outspoken Janis speechless. Damian could almost applaud the action teasingly, but he could see how nervous his best friend was. Mercy was Janis's friend that day, and Damian accepted that.

When Janis still said nothing, Damian stepped in to transfer the attention onto himself. "So, (Y/n), Janis tells me you're an amazing artist. Are you entering the art show with Janis?" He questioned, hoping the new conversation would help Janis ease herself out of the shell she had put herself in. "I heard there was potential scholarship money for the winner," Damian added, trying to recall everything that Janis had shared with him. Janis looked over at (Y/n), wondering if she was going to put her artwork in, too.

"Yeah, I was considering it. I was looking through the categories. I was thinking about doing a portrait, but anything I could create would never achieve what Janis's art does." She said, glancing over at Janis who perked up at the mention of the category. She wouldn't want to compete with (Y/n), but she was curious to see what she could paint. "But, there are several different sub-categories with different awards. I might do that so I could get a sense of the competition for next year. I like to scout the competition before entering my work so I know how hard I have to go."

Damian nodded thoughtfully, gently kicking Janis under the table so she would finally say something. "I think you should enter. Your work is amazing. Like the Brain on Fire piece? It was so amazing, and Mr. Callahan didn't even know what to say. You're are speaks volumes. I hope you do enter." Janis gushed unintentionally, hoping she wasn't rambling. Pink dust covered (Y/n)'s cheeks as she looked down in order to allow her hair to hide the blush and the smile that was growing on her face.

Finally, giving herself grace since she knew it was a natural reaction, she looked up at Janis. "Okay, I'll consider it. I am working on something new. I've been going to the art room every free period to work on it." She said thoughtfully at first as she grew more confident. "I think it could work. Mr. Callahan says it looks amazing so far. Though, I think he's scared of me." (Y/n) jested, causing Janis to laugh. Mr. Callahan did indeed keep his distance after (Y/n)'s response last class. "Wait until he finds out I'm a pyromaniac anarchist who loves putting fire and politics in my art to spread my messages." She said with a giant smirk. Janis didn't know she could fall more until that moment and the weeks that followed.

"Hello, may I have your attention please?" Principal Duvall's voice filled the halls just in time for morning announcements. Janis barely had it in her to pay attention since she was texting (Y/n). For about three weeks now, she had been flirting and trying to build the courage to ask (Y/n) on a date. "I want to first announce that there are two students we need to wish luck to. Miss Janis Imi'ike and Miss (Y/n) (L/n) are finalists at the Illinois Art Expo this Saturday. Go lions! Even for art." Principal Duvall said as Damian looked over at Janis cheering 'Art! Art! Art!' Janis could barely think for a moment as she went to text (Y/n), only to receive a congratulations message first.

At lunch, Janis was excited to see (Y/n) in person since the announcement. She was practically buzzing with excitement to ask if she wanted to go with her and Damian. So much so that Damian gently reminded her to calm down because she was shaking the table as her knee bounced in participation. "Hey, Damian," (Y/n) greeted as she sat beside Janis. "Hello, my fellow finalist." (Y/n) winked, nudging Janis softly with her elbow. There was a giant grin on her face, showing that she was just as excited as Janis was.

"Hey, congratulations on being a finalist. I knew that you would be. Quick question, by the way… Since Cady is going with her mom somewhere this weekend, there is enough room on Damian's hot ride. Do you want to come with us on Saturday?" Janis questioned as Damian instinctively smirked at the two. He did it every time one of them joined the other. "I promise it'll be a safe ride. If we hit a bump, I'll hold you close."

(Y/n) looked over at Janis, a small smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. "I know you would, babe. I want to say yes but my dad wants to take me." She said with a soft pout. But none of that mattered because Janis was stuck on the fact that (Y/n) had just called her babe. Janis smiled to herself as Damian looked over to see if she'd say something. "I definitely will find you when I get there. I want to see your work. I'm excited to see what you've done." (Y/n) put a hand on Janis's knee gently, and Janis's already red cheeks turned maroon as she smiled more.

That Saturday, the art expo was buzzing, and (Y/n) found herself waiting on Janis at the front while her father wandered through the building to look at the other artworks. "Hey, you," (Y/n) turned to see Janis and Damian riding in on a scooter. A laugh bubbled through her chest as she looked over at them with her brows raised. "Like our sweet ride?" Janis questioned as Damian went up the ramp to make his way over to them. Janis got off, wrapping her arms around (Y/n) as Damian parked the scooter by the bike rack, and put a bike security chain on it to make sure no one drove away with it.

"I love it," (Y/n) chuckled, allowing her arms to envelope Janis, too with a smile. Their cheeks were both burning, but neither broke the hug. "I definitely wasn't expecting it. I thought Damian would be coming in a car with the bass-boosting Nicki Minaj or Beyonce."

Damian gasped, pleased by how well (Y/n) knew him. "You know me too well." He wiped a fake tear away as he approached the two with a grin. He didn't want to interrupt their moment, but it was cold outside and he was ready to see the works that they had been talking up so much (even though neither one of them had seen it yet. "Let's go, lesbian, let's go." He gently gestured for them to go inside, causing them to hesitantly spill up and head inside as they headed for the North Shore High table.

On one side of the table was a group portrait of Cady, Damian, (Y/n), and Janis. "Wow, Janis," (Y/n) grinned widely. "This is freaking incredible." She had to resist her fingers tracing the string that was stitched into the canvas, over Janis's broad brushstrokes. She was constantly amazed by Janis's works and talents. "You won first place!" (Y/n) pointed over at the ribbon. As she looked back at Janis, she noticed the girl wasn't paying attention. Instead, Janis's focus was on (Y/n)'s work.

Nerves exploded in (Y/n)'s chest as she hoped Janis liked it. It was a portrait of Janis with poetry placed around her in calligraphy. Her jaw was dropped as she looked over at (Y/n). Before (Y/n) could say anything, Janis kissed her deeply. Her eyes widened before she kissed back, her hands moving to the back of Janis's neck to pull her closer. Damian looked around for a brief moment before slipping away to give them privacy. "I've never been captured like that before," Janis spoke in a hushed tone, smiling at (Y/n).

"Well, I've been trying to figure out how to ask you on a date since the day I first talked to you. I figured this might be the best icebreaker." (Y/n) said, pressing soft kissing to Janis's cheek. Janis grinned at the action, biting her lip. "I wanted to paint you because nothing makes me feel more passionate than when I think of you. You've encouraged me to go after what I love in art and you've helped me grow. Not only as an artist but as a person." (Y/n) expressed, her fingers intertwining their fingers gently. She was thankful that Janis felt the same since she was nervous about how the art would be perceived.

"I love it," Janis's breath was absolutely taken away by the art and over the fact she kissed (Y/n). "And, I like you, too. I thought you were cool before we officially met. But your Brain of Fire art piece is what made me fall for you. You were so cool and outspoken. I really like that about you. I just really like you." Janis shared with a soft smile. (Y/n) grinned at this before kissing Janis again. Happiness swelled through the two, and the Art Expo around them seemed to fade as they stayed in each other's arms for a couple more long moments.

As (Y/n) pulled away, she kissed Janis's cheek gently. "My dad is going to be looking for me at some point. I should go find him. I'll pick you up at six on Saturday?" She waited a moment for Janis to nod. (Y/n) grinned widely before waving back at Janis. She couldn't believe that they had finally kissed. She couldn't wait for their date. Everything felt like it was finally falling into place in her life, and she felt excited and lucky to experience that with Janis.

A voice broke her from her thoughts, causing her to turn around. "(Y/n), wait," Janis called, holding the canvas with (Y/n)'s work. (Y/n)'s brows rose as she looked at Janis. "Don't forget your artwork." She said, passing the canvas over.

(Y/n) shook her head, pushing it back into Janis's hands gently. "It's for you, Janis Imi'ike." She teased out Janis's last name as she winked back at the girl. "I'll see you later, babe." And just like that, she left Janis there with her heart beating quickly and a stupid grin on her lips because she called her babe.

[hungryforpowernotfood]

Making A Deal (Part 1)

Summary: House doesn't take the news of you wanting to quit your job at the hospital well, and he definitely doesn't take it well when you decide not to tell him why you're leaving.

You don't think it's any of his business, he thinks it is—the argument leads to you making a deal.

Warning(s): use of y/n & l/n (your name & last name), closeted reader, reader presenting as female throughout the fic & being referred to as a woman, House being House & making some comments that may come off as transphobic

Pairing(s): Greg House x ftm! Reader

Something felt off when you were growing up—you don’t remember exactly when you became aware of it. Over time, the feeling grew and grew, but you ignored it, and pushed it away.

Instead of the feeling, you focused all your time and energy on other things—grades, homework, friends, and your future.

It grew and grew, almost as if it were inside you. You went to school, and sometimes it got increasingly difficult to get up and put on a fake smile, but it all felt worth it because you were going to help people. And sometimes you grimaced when professors referred to you as “miss l/n”, but it all felt worth it because eventually, they would have to refer to you as “doctor”. And it felt jarring and uncomfortable to wear the blouses, and the heels, and the skirts, but you knew that one day you would be wearing a white coat and scrubs, and you wouldn’t be required to dress like that every day.

You mistook the feeling for a lot of things—being misunderstood, lonely, ambitious, depressed. Perhaps those came with the feeling, but you thought at one point it would stop. You thought that at one point: it’s got to stop.

And even when you realized what it truly was—your discomfort with living and presenting as female—you were damn good at hiding it, and you were a damn good doctor.

You were always able to spot what was wrong with a patient, but more importantly, you could tell when they were lying, or not telling you everything about a situation. You knew how to approach patients to make them more comfortable about sharing information with you—or at least you did most of the time.

This is what allowed you to succeed when you started working with House—you went from being bossed around because he thought you couldn’t do anything, to being bossed around because he thought you could get the patient to open up to you more than him.

You knew you would miss it, but you also knew you had to make a better life for yourself—which is why you decided to quit.

Today marked the start of your last week—you had exactly 7 more days to go. That didn’t mean you didn’t have any paperwork, though, and that’s exactly what you were working on when you heard what sounded like someone was hitting your office door with a stick.

Without waiting for a reply, House walked in, explaining why it sounded like something was hitting the door. He was probably lucky it was wood.

“Why is Cuddy under the impression that you are leaving?”

“Probably because I am.” You said, looking back at your work.

“And you weren’t planning on telling me?”

“Why would I?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because we work together, so you should tell me things.”

You glanced up at him, your brow raised.

“Why are you leaving?”

“Did Cuddy not tell you?”

“She told me you had ‘other life opportunities’.”

“You say that like you don’t believe it.”

He snorted. “Yeah, that’s because it’s a lie and not a very good one either.”

You tilted your head. “You think it’s a lie?”

“Please, I know it’s a lie. You wouldn’t just quit for some impromptu opportunity, something is wrong.”

“Nothing is wrong.”

“So you’re leaving me to deal with Foreman, Chase, and Wilson alone over nothing?”

“Sure.” You said, looking back at your laptop.

House walked over to you and slammed your computer shut.

“What are you doing?” You shouted.

He picked up the laptop and hobbled to the other side of the room where he set it down.

“Give it back.” You ordered, getting up, and walking after him. He turned around quickly and blocked you with his cane.

“You’re not quitting.” He said.

“Why do you care?”

“Who said I care? I’m just trying to keep one good doctor in the ring.”

“Well, clearly you talked to Cuddy, so you know the notice is already in, and this is my last week.”

“Redact it.”

“Why should I?”

“Because I’m going to find out anyway.”

Your heart pounded at the idea of him ever finding out, but you simply shook your head.

“You think I won’t?”

You thought about it, before answering “Not any time soon.”

“That sounded like a challenge.”

“It wasn’t.” You stated.

“Let’s make a deal.”

You raised your brow. “A deal.”

“Yes, a deal. If I find out why you’re leaving before the end of the week, you have to stay. If I don’t, then you can leave.”

You thought about it for a moment. “If you can’t figure it out, you don’t get to bother me about it again.”

He paused for a moment. “If I can, you have to do what I say for a day.”

You held back a scoff—it felt like you did that anyway—if he did figure it out, it wouldn’t be any different from the previous times. “Deal.” You said, holding out your hand for him to shake.

He briefly took your hand, and said “deal,” before leaving the room.

As the week went on, House had several theories written on the whiteboard and didn't take any cases—meaning you ended up doing them for him and took Wilson, Foreman, and Chase with you. Sometimes one of them would go in, and report that he was snappy (as usual) and that he insisted you were hiding something.

By your last day, House hadn’t come to you with any accusations, so you weren’t surprised when you heard a similar thwack against wood before your door was opened.

“I figured it out,” House said gruffly, closing the door behind him.

“Did you?”

“You’re trans.”

Your heart raced. “What?”

“Your chest is flat. I thought I was just seeing things, but then I saw a picture of you from last year. Your chest is flat now, you didn’t think anyone would care or notice, because you put in your two weeks' notice, and you thought ‘What the hell, I’m leaving in a few days, no point in wearing a stuffed bra to work every day’.

“Your closet contains mostly feminine clothing—overly feminine, in fact—I’m guessing because your parents never let you wear girly clothes as a child. I noticed your bathroom doesn’t have any hygienic products because you don’t need them, and you don’t use the washrooms here because you’re afraid of someone figuring out you were born a man.”

You looked at him, shocked. You could feel his air of pride, but you could also feel your heartbeat starting to slow.

He thinks you’re a transwoman…not a transman…

“No.”

“What?”

You shook your head. “Nope.”

“I’m not wrong, drop the gig, l/n.”

“I didn’t have menstrual products because I ran out and hadn’t got any left. We barely get breaks long enough to use the washroom. You’ve never seen me in anything except for my work clothes and a dress a few times, so how do you know how I usually dress? As for my chest…”

He looked at you expectantly, despite you shooting daggers.

“No one asked you to look.”

“I’m just being observant.”

You rolled your eyes. You had only recently started binding—and while it felt so much better, you assumed no one noticed. He started reaching for your chest, but you swatted his hand away.

“You only did that because you knew it would prove my point.” He growled.

“You’re wrong, House. I was born female.”

“Well it isn’t a chronic or terminal illness, not mental illness, your family doesn’t require your immediate attention, you have no friends or boyfriends trying to get you to move away with them, you don’t have any stalkers, and no one here has been harassing you.”

“You’re harassing me right now.”

“But you’re not leaving because of me.”

“Right.”

He narrowed his eyes. “What are you hiding?”

You looked up at the clock, it was nearing the end of your shift, anyway, and you were already done with everything.

“You’re not completely wrong.”

“What does that mean? Either I’m wrong or I’m right, and I’ll give you a hint—I am rarely wrong.”

You picked up the box. “Fine. You’re right, I was born a woman, and I hate it.” You said, quickly walking out.

Whatever comment he had for you, you didn’t want to hear it—people like him were exactly why you were leaving. Nevertheless, you heard his footsteps, and cane tapping after you. From the sound of it, you could tell he was struggling to keep up with you in a way that did not elicit pain.

Previously heading towards the elevator, you changed your route towards the stairs, and quickly made your way down. You practically flew down the last flight of stairs, causing you to nearly run into House who was standing in the doorway right at the bottom.

You sighed. “What do you want?”

“You didn’t honestly think it would be that easy, did you?” He asked, limping towards you. You backed up—back onto the stairs. House leaned up against one of the rails with a grunt, taking pressure off his leg.

You rolled your eyes and started walking back out, but he held out his cane to keep you from leaving.

“Why don’t you just let me go?”

“Because that doesn’t sound like a very good reason to leave.”

“What doesn’t?”

“Being transgender. Besides, I was right—so you aren’t allowed to leave.”

“You weren’t right, you thought I was a transwoman.”

He made a face. “I’m sorry, what’s the difference again.” You could tell he wasn’t being genuine, or probably wasn’t, but you answered anyway.

“Hmm. But I did say you were trans, right.”

“Right, but—”

“And you are, yes? Or did I misunderstand?”

“I am, but—”

“Then I was right. Now you have to go back upstairs, put your dinky decorations back on your desk, and be here early tomorrow morning with my coffee.” He said, directing his cane so that you would be forced to back up even more.

Thinking fast, you decided to come up with another compromise.

“No.”

“No? Did we not make a deal?”

“We did, but you were only partially right, therefore you were partially wrong, so we should split the deal.”

“Split the deal?” He scoffed like it was the most absurd thing he’d ever heard.

“Yes, split the deal. I'm leaving, but I’ll do whatever you say for a night.”

“Any night?”

“Saturday.”

He feigned surprise, “are you asking me on a date?”

“I—” you paused when you realized what he had done.

“I am flattered. I don’t usually date men, but if you insist, I will—it’s not like I’m doing anything better on Saturday night anyway. I’ll pick you up at 8.” He said, walking away.

[dr3amlab]

7. wicked games

SUMMARY. Y/N Gorgon and Draco Malfoy have a long history of mutual hatred. You see, the two of them have been pulling pranks on each other since their 1st year at Hogwarts, to the dismay of their close friends and supervisors. However, after a prank left Y/N completely out of her mind, she decides that she'll pull her cruelest prank yet on Draco by pretending to be his secret admirer.

PAIRING. Draco Malfoy x reader

GENRE. series, enemies to lovers, rival, comedy (?)

WORD COUNT. 2956 words.

AUTHOR’S NOTE. i feel like this is rushed :/ I didn't have anymore inspo for the story, but i didn't want to leave the story unfinished. I hope you like it :3 NOT PROOF READ AND I MAY CORRECT IT.

PARTS. 1 2 3 4 5 6

TAGLIST. @hopefulfuturenovelauthor​ @charlenasaxen​ @johnmurphys-sass​  @alittlebitofinsanitea​ @islayedyourmom @dramatic-long-coats @slashermadness @marplest @whosyourgnomie4 @makhaia @louieblue2 @born2222die @nikki-89 @jamlessgucciswegsunshineot7 @rachelccollier @imwaysthelastchoice @dracosgrf @vinkiesz @sleepinmoonbean @skiejustskie @hxl06 @iluvsebastiansallow @keira-kaz2y5 @iraa567 @marxlu @narcissisicus @ashicerye @yagurlyve @mayapapaya18 @afro-hispwriter @tinafuentes @kaibie @drscobading

VII. STAR-CROSSED LOVERS.

"Out of all the people in this school, she decided to go with Potter?" Draco chuckled to himself like a madman, "what's wrong with him? he's been like that for the entire afternoon," Theodore whispered to Blaise, "man, I don't know! I think he's broken or something," Blaise replied. Swiftly, the latter grabbed a pillow from one of the common room's couch to throw it on his friend in order to get his attention.

“Dray, what’s wrong with you? You look like a maniac!” Theodore exclaimed as soon as he and Blaise got their friend’s attention, “what’s wrong with me? More like what’s wrong with Gorgon!” Draco’s friends sighed as they didn’t could probably recite from memory every word that was going to come out of Draco’s mouth. Can you blame them? Who would want to hear their friend have a ted talk about someone they allegedly hate?

Theodore and Blaise have known from the moment you and Draco met that he liked you. They saw how you picked his interest and how he would always put so much thought and effort on the prank he did to get back at you. His friends knew that if draco didn't actually like you, he wouldn't even acknowledge your existence.

Blaise scratches the left side of his nose, which is a gesture he always does when he’s annoyed, “what did she do?” he sighed, not even bothered to hide how much he didn’t want to listen to his rant about you. Theodore on the other side, already took a seat on one of the many sofas of the common room. Well, ‘taking a seat’ isn’t the most appropriate wording to describe the way he took a sit : the boy was literally sprawled on the couch. He knew he had to get comfortable because Draco’s rant was about to be unnecessarily long, and, most importantly, he knew that he was going to end up in morpheus' arms.

“This morning, i was going to class, and I—" draco started his rant, "I don't got time for the entire story, just make it short," Theodore intervened earning a glare from Draco, "Basically, I thought Y/N was going to ask me to the ball, turns out she just wanted to ask me to get my 'fangirls' away from her. And the worst, is that she's actually going with Potter!" Theodore and Blaise shared a funny look which didn't go unnoticed by Draco who frowned his eyebrows, "Did I say something wrong?" He asked confusedly which made both of his friends burst into laughter, "ain't no way," Theodore laughed, "you're actually, jealous?" This sentence alone made Blaise and Theodore laugh like hyenas, "Yeah! Aren't you the one that once said, and i quote, 'if I ever feel any other feelings for Y/N other than hate, check me in a psych ward'?" Blaise said as he tried to get his breath back from laughing too much, "yeah!", theodore laughed, "which psych ward do you choose?"

"Is your head empty? Or did you lose the plot?" Draco said defensively, not wanting to admit that he had caught feelings for you. But Draco was not stupid : he knew that his friends caught on, and him denying his feelings for you was, perhapsn only a matter of pride. "I'm not jealous! Can't you guys see that both of my enemies are literally forming an alliance? I know Y/N just did this to piss me off, For Merlin's sake, she knows how I feel about potter"

The look of despair, or maybe even pity, was so prominent in Theodore's and Blaise's eyes. So instead of making Draco get back to his senses and admit his feelings for you, they decided to try another approach, "I mean, what if she actually likes him?" Blaise said while shrugging his shoulders to which draco frowned, "True, like look at him! Isn't he the chosen one or something? If I didn't know better, I'd also totally be in love with him." Theodore agreed.

A silence took over the room, the boys were looking at each other awkwardly due to Theodore’s unnecessary comment, "Oh, boy! look at the time! We need to go back to class," Blaise said as he looked at his watch, "All we're saying is that you make your move before Harry Pottah snatches your girl," Theodore suggested as he got up from the couch he was sprawled on, and Blaise nodded his head in agreement as he squeezed Draco's shoulder.

The boys left Draco all alone with his thoughts. Draco was beyond annoyed. He knew you liked him, he caught on with all the clues : The letters, the amortentia and you implicitly admitted it by being speechless to his question. And yet, you were going to the ball with Potter ? That's where he drew the line. He sure hoped that you were playing a stupid prank on him, and if you didn't, things were going to get ugly. Malfoy didn't know how, but he was going to put an end to all these wicked games.

Draco poked his tongue inside his cheek, "Really, Potter?" he grumbled for the nth time on this day as he grabbed his backpack harshly.

"Really, potter?" Athena said as you dragged her by the arm in the hallway, earning curious looks from the other students. "Please, please! stop repeating this," you pleaded, almost ready to get down on your knees to beg her to put an end to your suffering.

"But, why Y/N? You make me so tired!" Athena huffed, "everything was going so smoothly, I could almost picture myself at you and draco's wedding. But, noooo! you had to add Potter to the equation." she said, "Wedding? You are so sick Athena,” you said as you pretended to gag, “besides, is not like i had a choice. Potter was the first one to go through that door ! Do you really think i’d choose him on purpose?” you asked doubting that your friend even knew you well.

“you had a choice to not imply that you had a date to the ball!” Athena exclaimed. You didnt know how to answer her because she had a point : Maybe, just maybe, if you didn’t say that you were going with Potter to the ball, this whole saga between you and Draco actually would’ve been over. You sighed as you knew that you made whatever situation was going on between you and Draco even longer.

“Harry’s coming towards us. Act natural,” Athena whispered, "shit, I forgot that he'll want some clarifications," you said as you drew a big smile on your face.

You felt someone tap on your shoulder, "Y/N," you recognized Harry's voice, "oh, hey Potter! what are you doing here?" you asked as soon as you made eye contact with him, "What am I doing here? in school?" he said confused, "oh, c'mon! you know what I meant, Harry," you playfully slapped his shoulder, "Uh, yeah, right." He scratched the back of his head.

"Look, I understand you have some feud going on with Draco for quite some time right now," he started, "and I really do not want to get involved in it. I mean, you understand, right? You know that Draco and I aren't exactly the best of friends," he continued as you knew damn well what the end of his sentence will sound like, "Obviously, I'm afraid I won't be able to go to the ball with you Y/N. Plus, there's already someone I'd like to go with," he said while avoiding any kind of eye-contact with you.

You put your hand on his biceps gently, "I get it, Harry ! don't worry about that. I was wrong to involve you in the first place," you smiled, "anywho, who's the lucky girl?" you asked noticing a faint hint of blush on the boy's cheek. Harry looked reluctant to say the name of the person that had the key to his heart ; he opened and closed his mouth, almost resembling a goldfish. “It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me,” you smiled, “besides, i’ll wait for the ball to see who’s the lucky one,” you added. Harry bid you and Athena goodbye and walked rather quickly, almost running, from you guys.

You wondered what made him want to run away from you guys. Was it something you said ? Did you prey too much on his private life ?

Turns out, it was neither. All you had to do was to turn around to see the answer of your question. “Jeez! Where the fuck do you keep popping from, Malfoy?” You put your hand on your heart as an attempt to try to calm its hectic heartbeats.

Draco frowned at you, "what were you talking about just now?" it was now your turn to frown, "why do you care?," you replied. For a second, Malfoy's frowned turned into surprise but he regained his composure, "I don't care! Matter of fact, I could care less about you and that prick were talking about!" He pointed to the door behind you, "I'm just trying to get to that room and you're blocking the way, move!" You looked behind you, only to find you were standing in front of the girls' bathroom.

"You're turning to go to the...girl's bathroom?" You asked and on draco's cheeks, a faint hint of red appeared, "yeah? besides, it's none of your business!" Draco got defensive and you chuckled in a way that made Malfoy's heart skip a beat, "Sure, weirdo," you replied, "i'll leave you tend to your," you stopped your sentence, "business".

The ink was slowly drying under Draco's gaze. To make the process a little faster, Malfoy was blowing on the paper.

You see, the boy had a plan : As the ball was approaching, Draco was still persuaded that you were going with Harry. Therefore, Malfoy had to act quick to change your mind. And so, his last resort was to write you a note in hope that it would make you change your mind.

As the ink finally dried on the paper, and Draco's decision was made, the latter read the note for the nth time :

"Meet me tonight at 10 pm sharp in the astronomy tower. D.M."

His heart was pounding loudly in his chest, he could even hear his heartbeat in his ears if he were to hold his breath. Since when did you have this effect on him? You made him feel so giddy that it was ridiculous. He had never met someone like you, and he doesn't think he'll ever be able to have such an encounter as you were so unique.

Gathering all of his courage, he grabbed one of his signature black envelopes, put the piece of paper in it and sealed it with green wax.

"Let's hope for the best," he mumbled to himself as he placed the enveloped that contained all of his courage written in a single sentence on the corner of his desk.

He planned to give you the note tomorrow morning, so, needless to say, this was going to be a sleepless night for draco.

To say that today was the best day you've experienced so far would be a stretch, yet, this was how you truly felt. Maybe it was the fact that you didn't run out of hot water while you were taking your daily morning shower, how you managed to do your hair without ending up in tears of frustration or because they served your favorite for breakfast in the cafeteria : Anywho, today is the best day ever and you're not letting anyone ruin it for you. I mean, even your breakfast was tastier than usual.

As you were savoring your breakfast, a black envelope fell gently on the side of your plate. You looked at it curiously, you didn’t expect to receive any mail today. Placing your cutlery on the table, you grabbed the envelope and something caught your attention : The green seal.

“Is this from Draco?” you whispered to yourself, and as you brought your hand to the black envelope to carefully break the seal, you couldn't help to wonder why he would send you a letter.

As you took out the piece of paper that was contained In the envelope to read it, you felt someone mumble in your right ear, "Meet me tonight at 10 pm sharp in the astronomy tower, signed D.M." Of course, you had recognized that voice : it was Athena, "Hey! Don't read that! it's personal," you exclaimed as you brought the paper close to your chest, "D.M.?!" Athena said, "As in 'Draco Malfoy?'" she half-screamed with a mouthful of pancakes in her mouth and eyes wide as saucers.

"I think so," you said as you examined the letter over and over and over again. "Are you going? Please tell me that you're going," she pleaded, "I don't know," you shrugged your shoulders, "I need to think about it," you said, "Well, you better think fast!"

By noon, you already decided that you were going to face Draco and finally bury the hatchet with him.

And by midnight, after successfully avoiding Flich, you made your way up to the top of the astronomy tower. After climbing the entirety of the steps, you saw the one who stole your heart : there he was, in all his glory, facing the stars as he patiently waited for you to come. The silence of the starry night was broken by the sound of his suave voice, "did you have fun playing with my feelings?", he started, "was it entertaining to you, Gorgon?" He turned around to look in your eyes.

You frowned your eyebrows, "chill, Draco! It was just a prank. Didn't we already talk about this?", you told him as you watch his face turn into a frown, "I'm not talking about the letters, Y/N," his grey eyes starred straight at yours, and you felt intimidated in this moment, "What are you talking about then?" you managed to say without stuttering.

"I'm talking about the fact that I was truly convinced you liked me after you had smelled the amortentia that day, but there you go, asking Potter to go with you to the ball as if you don't even feel a thing for me." You could swear you heard his usual monotone voice break a little, "Do you still love me, Y/N?" he asked with a sincere look in his eyes.

There was no need to hide it anymore, you did have feelings for Draco and he undoubtedly knew it. However you couldn't find the strength in yourself to say it loud and clear because, well, you will still in denial : it felt like the moment you would say those three words to him, it would only confirm to you that you have feeling for him.

"Why does it matter, Draco?" you said desperately, "Do you love me, Y/N?" he repeated, but this time, it seemed like he demanded you to say it. "Why do you care?" you sighed.

"Because," he looked away from you, "Because I'm in love with you, Y/N!" he exclaimed, and you were taken aback.

Draco took three steps towards you, as an attempt to make the distance between you two a little less far, for all he wanted was to feel closer to you, "It's you. it has always been you, Y/N. Since the moment i laid my eyes on you, I knew that we were meant to be together." Draco felt nervous: he had the impression that his voice was shaking, his hands were getting sweaty, and he had no doubt that it was all because of you.

"it was not love at first sight, so don't get on your high horses," Draco laughed, "I just knew that I was gonna end up falling in love with you eventually, no matter how hard I tried to stop myself. I hated it that you had this power over me."

This couldn't be true. How did Draco go from hating the fact that he had to share the same oxygen as you to acting as if he wanted to be the air you breathe?

"Is this a joke?" you half-laughed, "you're pulling a joke on me right, Draco? You don’t love me, draco. Trust me." you looked away from him, but his index and thumb found their way to your chin to gently make you look at him again, "Who are you to think that you know my heart better than I do?" Draco asked you.

You searched his eyes for the usual sparkle of malice that he would have when he used to pull those pranks on you, but there was nothing but sincerity in his eyes. And so, you gathered your courage to speak up, "Do you really love me, Draco?" your words came out in a whisper as you felt like a helpless child under his gaze. You felt your heart beat faster, "Because I do love you. I really do," you confessed.

"I love you, Y/N," Draco started as he held your face in his hands, "I’ll love you in every universe," he kissed your left cheek, "I’ll love you in this life and the next," he kissed your right cheek, "I’ll love you for a thousand lifetimes." He brought his lips to yours.

After a passionate kiss, Draco pulled away to look at you, “Merlin, you’re so pretty,” he said, breathless. As you looked into his eyes, you could see the entire galaxy in them from how much they sparkled, “so, is it over?” you asked, “What?” he questioned you, “the wicked games,” you affirmed to which he just smiled sheepishly at you.

“On one condition,” he started, “will I get to be your boyfriend?” Draco’s hands held yours as the question rolled out of his mouth, “i’ll think about it,” you smiled before putting your lips on his again.

We all have memories we’ll never forget. Those memories bear an impact on us, an impact so big that they are engraved in the back of our brains forever. For instance, you remember the first time you ate a chocolate frog, the first time you watched the snow fall from your bedroom’s window, your first encounter with Draco Malfoy, and the day you first felt Draco's lips on yours.

[calibabii21]

| celebrating you | suh.j

pairing: birthday girl!reader x boyfriend!johnny

genre: angst, fluff

warning(s): none

a/n: dedicated to the beautiful @sharonxdevi on her day~~ may you feel loved and cared for, but most importantly, may you love on yourself a little extra today not proofread

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

you turn to face your boyfriend as he walks through the door, the hood of his favorite hoodie covering your eyes. he looks at you with amused but concerned eyes, "babe? why are you sitting dressed like that?"

he steps onto the plush living room rug and pulls the hood off of your head. "wha– have you been crying??" you shake your head 'no' but your lip starts to quiver and tears flood your eyes again.

"no no– what's wrong sweetheart?" he sits next to you, instantly caressing from the top of your head to the middle of your back. he nods, patiently waiting for your sniffles to subside. "I just..it's like this every year." he looks at you with an expression that invites you to continue opening up.

you sigh and begin making sweater paws, anxious to let him in on what goes through your mind. "every year, my birthday is the time I've always felt the most alone.." his eyes soften with each word you say, "I just always feel abandoned. like of all times. of all the days of the year. mine is forgotten."

he pulls you into his arms at the sound of your heartbroken tone and allows your remaining sobs to be released. once you pull back and rub your nose, his thumb dabs the last tear from your face, "sweetheart, I need you to listen to me."

you nod with big round eyes at the seriousness of his tone, "we, as humans- we naturally place the value of ourselves in how others celebrate us..but if we continue to place our self worth in the hands of those people- we won't feel very valued. so, we have do it for ourselves."

more tears run down your cheeks as his arms encase you, giving you the warmest, very much so needed hug. you rest in silence for a few beats before he whispers in your ear, "but I'm not those people."

he detaches himself from you as you confusedly wipes your eyes, "what?" you stand and watch him run to the front door and back, this time with his arms full of paper sacks.

"tada!!"

there's no hiding the lost expression you hold. he sets the bags onto the living room table and looks at you both proud and honored, "check me out."

you eye him suspiciously before looking into the closest bag and gasping, "you didn't!" he pops his imaginary collar and crosses his arms, "oh, but I did."

the excitement in you is no longer contained as you pull out the series of limited edition books you had pointed out to him in passing. "John, baby you- I can't believe you found them!"

"keep looking." he bites down on his thumb, now starting to get nervous with all the tears you're producing. you go through the bags seeing all the things you love.

from the minuscule "I can't believe you spent this much on red bull, hot cheetos and lime." to the heartfelt sentiments, "you went to the Italian place we first met at?" to the unexpected "John..I– these are beautiful."

in front of you, was a jewelry box full of a collection of rings and bands, all including different cuts of your birthstone. cue the waterworks.

he stands in front of you with a goofy grin, "and you thought the snacks were expensive."

you don't know why, but that statement cracks you up so much that a new wave of tears hits you. he grabs you by the waist, pulling you flush against him, and murmurs, "if you keep crying, I'll really give you something to cry about."

but that only makes you laugh harder, "you're so stupid." you go to shove him but he takes your hand instead, placing one of the uniquely cut gemstone rings onto your fourth finger.

"next time, I'll be on my knee." your heart, tummy, and fanny flutters at both his words and the look in his eyes. "yeah.." words fail to leave you, but he knows you well enough to already know where your brain went.

"you want to be on your knees don't you?" your innocent doe-eyed expression did nothing to fool him, he just lets out a short boisterous laugh and gives you a kiss encapsulating both of your emotions.

"Happy Birthday Sweetheart. I'm Celebrating You."

[thefreakandthehair]

eddie is very emotionally attached to his hair. he loves the look, obviously, but also loves using it as a shield. he plays with it when he needs to fidget, he pulls pieces in front of his face when he’s flustered or nervous, he sweeps it over his shoulders to hide his face from time to time. it’s a built-in barrier and ever since he’d grown it out at around 15, he’d sworn to never go back. eddie’s hair make him feel safe.

that is, until he wakes up in the hospital post-upside down to find it cut short. too short-- can’t-twirl-or-play-with-it short. once the shock and relief of oh fuck, I’m alive, thanks steve, wears off, he laments the loss.

"steve, it took me years to grow it out. I’ll be 25 by the time it’s back where it was!" he admits during a rare moment when it's just the two of them in his hospital room. the machines beep evenly and steve sighs from his position in the hard, wood-backed chair next to the bed.

"man, I get it. my nickname was the goddamn hair for awhile, so I know it's a part of you but it'll grow back, right? and--"

"yeah yeah, I know it will, that's not the problem. it’s— ugh, forget it.” eddie instinctively reaches to pull his hair over his left shoulder to hide his face and is reminded of what the problem really is. he feels exposed and seen in a way that he can’t control and it makes his skin crawl-- particularly that it's steve harrington he feels so seen by, and he frankly has too many other crises going on to unpack that at the moment.

steve, for all of the ‘dumb jock’ jokes tossed his way, is perceptive. you don't survive high school in hawkins and four end-of-the-worlds without a dash of social intelligence, after all. so when he sees eddie reach for his hair like a phantom limb, he starts putting puzzle pieces together.

"why don't you want people to see you?"

eddie freezes with his hands falling to his chest, the IV in one hand pulling a bit at his skin. "that's not... I don't ... nothing, it's nothing." he sputters, unsure how steve has gotten such a fucking read on him.

"hey, I mean, I get it. kind of, at least? after the last few fights knocked my brain around, I've gotten some gnarly scars and bruises and I uh, I don't really swim or go around shirtless anymore because of it. I know that's probably not exactly the same but... yeah. I can understand. want me to get you a wig?"

steve watches as eddie slowly turns to look at him, and more importantly, to let steve look at him and his hesitant smile with furrowed eyebrows.

"why are you telling me all this?" eddie wants to think it's more than steve being steve, more than him just looking out, that it's personal. that maybe he likes eddie. hell, there must've been a reason he and wayne were the only two in the room when he woke up. and it clearly hadn't been the first time, given how close steve and wayne seem to be now. he'd pretended to be annoyed about their banter over the chicago cubs but really? it gave eddie a glimpse of something he wanted so badly, it made him ache. but that couldn't be it.

eddie's heart monitor beeps a little faster when steve reaches out to place a hand on top of his. steve looks up at the screen and back down to their hands with a small, hopeful smile.

"you're one of us now." steve shrugs and replies simply, as if that answers any of eddie's burning questions. he doesn't want to overwhelm him, but Steve can't help some good-natured Harrington flirting. "and it'd be a real shame for you to keep hiding that blush."

there's something here, steve thinks, a reason he wants eddie to let him look, to let him see, to keep making him blush from his neck to his nose. he'll give it time though. after all, the danger is gone-- they're here, and alive, and the world is safe, and they've got nothing but time to watch eddie's curls grow back.

[staticofthetv]

I did it for Knives, now its his brobro's turn.

Edit: I'd like to apologize for what comes next as I wrote it in one go while hyperactive

Vash's design in tristamp is just as interesting to me as hundred spoons is for very similar but not quite the same reasons. Part of it is still the subverting expectations by having the arguably more angelic character have a darker colour scheme and look like something you wouldn't want to come across at any time of day. With both twins their looks very much align with how they view themselves, knives is pure and angelic and vash is dirty and demonic by comparison.

While it's not a traditional demon look I'd still argue that vash does look it. The most obvious is his iconic red coat, but also consider the massive form he becomes when knives fucks with his head. Yeah it's hauntingly beautiful, especially when you see it from our perspective as the audience but when you look at it from the perspective of the regular people on gunsmoke, that thing growing out of July would absolutely be demonic. It's dark in colour, it's sprouting random flowers (this is important), and most importantly its tearing the city apart.

Focusing on the actions during the fight first, I think it would make sense for the people witnessing it to think Vash is the demon and Knives is the angel trying to save the city. Partly because of Vash being blamed for everything Knives has done already painting him as the bad guy no matter what's actually happening and also the widespread broadcasting of the eye of michael teachings.

Moving onto the flowers and why I think they qualify as demonic. One of the most popular things in modern media that have Lucifer, satan, whatever you wanna call him in it he's the perfect picture of hotness. Everyone wants to be him or be with him, and this makes sense for his purpose in life! He's supposed to tempt people into sin so him having an ass so hot he could tempt even the most devout does hold ground in a portrayal. This fake beauty to hide the hell lying in wait I think is how the people on gunsmoke saw Vash. Even from the audience perspective tree Vash is still kind of a perversion of the classic angelic beauty but for a different reason. Vash is being torn apart mentally in that scene, the amount of anguish is unimaginable. Angels aren't supposed to feel pain like this, they don't get affected by the actions of others. In response his gate basically goes into overdrive to try and protect him but (and this is kinda theory kinda not) Vash's gate isn't like the typical plant gate. The pain he's experiencing isn't angelic and so the physical results of it look like a distorted imitation attempt.

Even then going with the classic version of the devil in media, who in the nicest way possible usually looks like he belongs under a bridge trying to trick children into crossing so he can eat them, I still think fits vash. Having him look so human, especially when put next to Knives, gives off the feeling of ugliness. I'm not saying he actually is, he's very much a pretty plant, BUT it's exactly like comparing a human to an angel. Plus if we look at his scars the feeling of him being less than builds up more. Again I'm not saying scars are ugly, this is an analysis of religious imagery and how I think it lines up with what's written in the Bible as a loser with baptist religious trauma and my own scars to show for it, I just wanna make that clear. The physical appearance of Vash, when compared to Knives at the end of the series very much gives the devil standing next to an angel and it ties into how each twin views themselves once again. Vash's self esteem is already so low it's in hell, he doesn't see himself as beautiful, pure, angelic, whatever. This is reflected in his appearance, he makes an effort to look human and fit in with others because the he sees himself as no better than the worst of them. Meanwhile Knives is touting about with as much angelic energy as his murderous little soul can muster because that's exactly what he thinks he is. An angel, or God himself, with a holy mission of creating a new garden of eden for plants.

Based on what we see during Vash and Knives confrontation when Vash loses his arm and also the plant lore that was revealed recently, Vash has a gate that takes. I don't know if this can be considered theory because Vash's gate has acted like a blackhole multiple times. This ties into my thoughts on the coat and glasses changing colours after he returns from being trapped while still relating to the main point of Vash having demonic energy, I promise.

In the plant lore 1/3 its stated that the power that takes away was sealed away for reasons. Presumably it hasn't been seen in long enough that even the people aboard the SEEDS ship didn't know much about it or don't have any experience with this power. Knives very clearly lines up with the power that brings in his motivations and manifestation of his gate. He's bringing material into the world, he's bringing the planet to a new age, he's bringing the plants to Eden. Vash however is the other side of that coin, the power that takes away. Based on the name alone this power would be considered demonic. Add in the fact that it quite literally manifests as a blackhole and it's very clearly not an angelic power. Vash has stated himself he can't bring anything into the world, only take from it in the form of needing to consume resources to survive. And when under severe emotional distress the distorted imitation of angelic power, also known as demonic power because that's exactly what demonic power is, comes out as a form of instinctual self protection.

It's now late enough and this post is long enough that I'm not sure it makes sense anymore, enjoy fellow tumblr people.

[shakespearefreak]

Happy (Belated) “Birthday,” Kaya!

Unlike other American Girl dolls, Kaya doesn’t have a confirmed canonical birthday, but it’s usually celebrated on the 15th of August, which was when the series was presented to the Nez Perce people according to the AG Wiki. I wasn’t sure if it would be faithful to her character to celebrate her “birthday” or not, but I still wrapped a gift and made plans; when the official AG Facebook account made a “Happy Birthday” post for her on the 15th, I decided to go through with it. However, I wasn’t feeling great that day, so I put it off until the 16th, when I gave her her gift. I planned to take her to the local Arboretum so she could ride Steps High that same day, but then life got in the way, so the second part of her celebration had to wait until the 17th, when my friend drove us to the Arboretum (which was especially nice of him because he’s the one who isn’t fond of dolls). It was beautiful there, and we had a good time, but by the time we got back home I was sweaty, aching from walking, bug-bitten 🦟 despite my insect repellent (one of them got my eyelid! 😧), and generally too exhausted to type this up, or in fact do much of anything except collapse into bed for the night. 💤 So… I’m a few days late posting, but I figure that’s okay since technically we don’t even know when her real birthday is. 😅

NOTE: I’m again using the Nez Perce spelling for words/phrases in Nimipuutímt, rather than the anglicized phonetic spelling American Girl uses in the books. This time I also decided to include translations after Nez Perce words/phrases in parentheses. I do not speak Nimipuutímt myself, so please forgive (and more importantly, correct!) any errors.

Kaya was surprised to see the deerskin-wrapped package waiting for her on the chair. “Is this for me?”

“Yeah,” Marley confirmed. “I don’t know if your people celebrate birth anniversaries, but we do in my culture, so I wanted to get you something.”

As Kaya sat down with her gift, Tatlo sniffed eagerly at the hide wrapping, almost as if saying, “Hurry up and open it!”

“Oh, it’s beautiful,” Kaya said softly, running her hand gently down the white deerskin. “Qe’ciyéw’yew’! (Thank you!)”

The next day, Kaya donned her new outfit, smoothing out the fringe on the lovely white fabric, and saddled Steps High in preparation for their ride. At the Arboretum, Marley took a photo as the mare, true to her name, made her way across a large fallen tree, placing her hooves carefully but with confidence.

After a while, they stopped and rested by a tangled cluster of trees. Kaya unpacked her lunch (a bunch of sweet huckleberries, dried salmon, and finger cakes made from ground camas roots) and laid it on a tule mat beside her. Tatlo (who had come along and run alongside the horse) came up, eying the salmon and wagging his tail hopefully. “Qó’c wéeye! (Wait!)” Kaya commanded firmly, holding up her hand, then relented and offered him a strip of the fragrant, savory fish. “Oh, alright, alright!” she laughed. “Kée pe hips! (Let’s eat!)” Tatlo didn’t need to be told twice; he gobbled up the salmon in two bites.

After they ate, Kaya stood up and conscientiously brushed the leaves off her new dress. “Wáaqo’ kíiye kusíix (Let’s go now),” she said, a bit reluctantly; this place was beautiful, but she was aware of Marley’s sweaty, flushed face and tired expression (as well as Marley’s friend’s eagerness to get moving). Besides, the sun was already beginning to droop slowly but steadily towards the horizon, and she was glad she would soon be snuggled into her furs for the night. It had been a good day, but it was time to go home.

THE END

NOTE: I am White. If you are Indigenous and find anything in this post offensive, please let me know and I’ll edit it or take it down!

[quitealotofsodapop]

(Hope you're feeling better! Sending positive vibes to you!)

I've been thinking about Sandy...

We all love the big blue river man, but...I feel like he shouldn't already be the loveable giant we know and love when Shadowpeach get to Pigsy's just after the 'conception'.

Dunno, I think it would be, like, a disservice? Is that the word I want, something like that, to Sandy and his path of becoming a better person, right?

Like, Pigsy didn't know about the change when AHIB was going on, so it had to happen after they last saw each other.

Maybe it just happened sooner in TMKATI, but what if!

What if, Sandy comes to the noodle shop and wants to talk, and maybe the subject of the 'young couple with a baby on the way' comes up and he gets the tea on the situation from what Freenoodles understand - both from observation and the vague description, giving them the vibe of 'hiding from bad people (that might be family)' (or something).

As he learned, he meets the 'youngsters' and gets to know them.

But maybe one day, he was already at an 89 and something pushes him to a 90 and hello, temper.

But before something bad can happen, Sandy looks and sees 'Wu' standing in front of 'Mihou' in a defensive stance, eyes vary.

Maybe that's the moment? That he realizes he needs to - and importantly wants to - be better. To be a support system for these two 'kids' that do need help.

Also, interesting thought: somebody said that it looked like Macaque and Sandy are opposites, that Macaque started out as a more quiet voice of reason and is now, well, very much not. While Sandy started out violent and became a peaceful voice of reason.

That is interesting and I do love me some moon/ocean symbolism, so a friendship would be cool.

They could also be yoga buddies (because yoga does help with flexibility during a pregnancy, if I believe the internet), so common activity!

Y'know?

OOOoof. Yes.

Sandy at the start of the TMKATI au is not exactly the soft himbo we know and love from the main series just yet.

Pigsy and him had a falling out some time ago, but Pigsy decides to call Sandy up for "protection" after Macaque gets freaked out by a Bad Encounter during New Years. Said encounter was a certain bone-demon thrall delivering a threat, but to those on the outside looked like some kind of trouble, legal or otherwise. Best to have your strongest guy around if something pops off, you know?

So now Sandy is in the loop with the noodle shop gang about "the kids with a kid on the way". They all assume that Shadowpeach are in a situation of hiding from Underworld authorities, angry family members, or something more sinister. Sandy is like "Hell yeah brother. I'll punch a few demons if they come near the shop!"

Which would be fine except; 1: Wukong 100% recognises Sandy from somewhere. 2: Sandy is trying his best to ignore any recognition from his past. 3: Macaque also recognises Sandy + likes to rile him up.

Which nearly leads to a fishman vs monkey fight one night. A punch is thrown, a far-too-familar human catches his fist.

Sandy leaves the restaurant in a hurry, apologizing tearfully under his breath. He returns some days later, admits that he wants to work on his temper and that he needs external help for his emotional issues.

He asks if any of the gang are willing to forgive him; they all do, though Macaque takes some extra time to reconsider. Mac does eventually come around when he witnesses Sandy managing to calm himself down mid-conversation. A friendship blooms from there.

I love the thought of Sandy convincing Mac to be his yoga buddy once the monkey starts complaining about aches and pains later on in the Egg's development. Its all very awkward at first, but it ends up becoming their weekly "thing" they do together. Both (including Wukong sometimes) are new to modern mental wellness stuff, and it's a lot easier to get into healthier habits with a buddy at your side. Mac probably accidentally calls Sandy his older brother a few times.

Even when Macaque briefly abandons the noodle shop to hide/flee from a certain threat/his and Wukong's relationship issues, Sandy is the only one Mac trusts with his location. Sandy similarly is a tough nut to crack when Wukong is zipping around for answers ("He seemed really hurt. I ain't telling you until you both have cooled off.").

Needless to say, Sandy is the least-shocked to learn that Wukong is willing to do something Very Stupid to get back into his dear Mihou's good books.

Macaque, answers phone at PIF's place: "Hey." Sandy: "Wu's going into the Underworld." Macaque, delayed reaction: "Oh good... WHAT?!" Sandy: "Yeah, he told me to tell you; He's sorry, and that he's gonna make it up to you in the ways he only knows how. Whatever that means." Macaque, stunned: "...Did he say exactly what he was going to do?" Sandy: "He told me to not tell you or else you'd try and stop him." Macaque, getting worked-up: "Damn straight I will!" Sandy: "Hey, hey, remember what we've been practising in breathwork. Pause and forget the situation for a moment, and just breath in deep. Deep breaths." Macaque, a little calmer: "...Ok, I'm feeling a little better. But I'm still really concerned what the hell Wu is planning on doing. If you know where he is, make sure he doesn't try doing anything stupid." Sandy: "Will do! Tell your sister I said hi!" Macaque: "Thanks Sandy." (*call ends*) Sandy, turns to Pigsy and Tang: "Yeah he's ok. Best we follow Wu and make sure he isn't serious about that Bone Demon stuff." Pigsy: "I swear on Guanyin, those monkeys are going to make me age ten years by the end of this."

Sandy earns his title of "Best Uncle" in the au for a reason.

[mrs-monaghan]

Sis.. now you know I’m going to need your very elaborate thoughts on Jungkook concept photos 👀🫨🫢😳😱🤯🫠💃🏻🕳️⚰️

Look, if you need me to do something you can't be sending me gifs of Jimin raising his eyebrows at me. It's distracting as hell.

Okay so first things first: the word coincidence needs to be BANNED from Jikookers' mouths. Like completely deleted. Obliterated 1300% It needs to not exist anymore. No seriously, how long are we gonna keep using the word 'coincidence' and Jikook in one sentence before we all collectively decide to agree they do this shit on purpose?

"You are me I am you" can only go so far. That's for them having the same moles in the same places, them being born in Busan. Things like that, that are out of their control. Not things like this!

We know, like even if you're an anti you know JK has studied FACE. @jigokuhana and I were just talking about this, JK has everything about FACE memorised. He is prolly a bigger fan than all of us combined. And don't forget he saw everything before we did. So he knows what he's doing. Knows that we will catch similarities btwn FACE and SEVEN. Armys have noticed many things that Jikook (n members) tried to hide from us and I know over the years they have to have seen us noticing some of these things. So how will we fail to notice something that's right infront of our faces? And he knows this. Of course he knew we would notice.

So first we've all seen these floating about

Those alone are already like, crazy 😏 But then let's talk about the thorns/spikes/shards.

I mean, what are the chances??? 😳

When u support Jikook, u discover that they are actually really sappy/corny motherfuckers so you inevitably start to get corny yourself sometimes too. This is what my friends (one of them being @lovelysmyleyes) had to say about this. I'll just copy paste them, coz I absolutely agree.

The spikes being directly on Jimin's body feel like it was a more direct hit. JK wearing the spikes on the jacket is more of a defensive maybe? Like a by-product. Almost like He was acting as a shield.

The 'shots' weren't directed at him so even if they hit him they would not have pierced the skin. Whereas it was directed at JM and meant to go deep.

It is understandable, The first thing you want to do is protect your partner the best you can.

Or it can represent keeping others away from them. Roses have thorns on them to keep people/living life forms away, after all.

They got kinda deep y'all. Which brings me to the part that blew my mind;

Mud from LC

Mud on JK's trouser;

The pants. I think he is hinting that he helped pull Jimin out of the mud...or at least he was down in the mud with him when he was at his lowest. He was there supporting. Someone catch me cuz I am once again falling into that delulu train headfirst 😭😭😭

He he hee... thats so fucking deep y'all. But seeing as there's no other explanation for why JK would have "dirty" trousers (yet) i'mma go with this assumption for now. #feels 🥺🥺🥺

Like, its not even that far fetched though. When Jimin was going through what he went through JK saw it all first hand. Isn't that why we assumed he kept skipping LC in the beginning? Coz it reminded him of that time and it prolly wasn't pretty. He didn't like to remember Jimin in that bad place.

I for one believe JK was there for Jimin every step of the way. Jimin said members were there for him, I'm sure his family was too and most importantly, so was JK.

Thats why he wrote letter. He said it was his turn to be grateful. His turn to give back.

I know it's obvious

So that it's not taken lightly

Let me tell you this properly

Baby, don't leave, just stay with me, yeah

To you who saw me greater than my little self

So that I can only deliver as much as I received

I can't y'all... help 😭😭😭

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Okay but this tweet tickled me 🤭🤭

I know some Jikookers work very hard in trying not to be delulu (not me. I jump in head first, always. Ha haa) and I applaud that. I do. But these are way, way too many similarities. Even the most clear headed Jikooker has got to find this sus.

[amazingmsme]

Just some ghost!polites headcanons because I’ve been Big Sad & I need a healthy dose of angst to cope. As always, gotta sprinkle in some fluff to balance out the angst

Polites wakes up in the ferry on the River Styx with the other soldiers that died in the cave & it’s literally just like Skyrim . They get dumped off & unlike the others, he tries to stick to the people he knows. But they’re dead, & they don’t really care about camaraderie like he does anymore. So he’s just kinda wondering through the underworld aimlessly, just trying to get himself acquainted & get used to things

Apparently at the time of the Odyssey, Hades (the place) was in shambles. It had no order to the souls or the layout itself. So needless to say, Polites is pretty miserable down there

Also, however you looked when you died is how you look in the afterlife so… yeah. Ok but despite all the heartbreak that comes with that… his broken glasses sit crooked on his face & it’s real cute if you can get past the fact he’s bleeding, broken & bruised

I feel like he died with unfinished business, whether that be just making it back home to Ithica or something else. Either way, he’s a restless spirit with earthly ties. At first when he sees Odysseus & what’s left of the army, he thinks they all died & he’s heartbroken, but then he notices how different they look from everyone else around him & he realizes. They’re alive. & he’s so drawn to them, because it’s the one comfort he’s had since arriving in Hades. So he just sneaks in behind them & tries to hide/blend in towards the back

Maybe to make things interesting, a soldier could find out his wife died while he was away, but the way he found out was literally by seeing her in the underworld. Polites recognizes him & approaches to ask what’s wrong because he can see they’re both upset & if there’s any way he could help. & the soldier wants to stay with his wife, & Polites sees his 1 chance to get out of here. So they kind of trade places, because with that few people you’d def notice an extra person in your crew after romping through the underworld, but if the numbers are the same, then it’s less noticeable. & if you wanna make things extra interesting, this could happen by Polites possessing the soldier’s body, but personally I like the straight up ghost route. But hey, possession is always fun!

But no one notices he’s there until they’re almost out, & they’re about to pass between the 2 monsters & he shyly speaks up like “uh Captain? I think I know a better way” & Odysseus whips around like “who said that?” Because what the hell do they mean they know a better way through the underworld? But even more importantly, that sounded just like-

& then he sees him & on reflex he screams & draws his sword & Polites looks so (emotionally) hurt by that & he’s like “Captain it’s me, Polites” & it takes a second for Odysseus recognize him through the blood & the bruising, but yeah, that’s the Polites they know & love. Except… not.

But he really does know a better way to escape, & they don’t have to sacrifice any men. They make it back to the ship relatively easily & needless to say everyone is keeping their distance from Polites

He can sense the underlying fear & guilt they all feel when he’s around, & it really hurts him because he doesn’t hold any ill will about it. They couldn’t help it. & he wants to get past that & show them it’s still him, but how can he do that when everyone’s afraid to even talk to him? They can’t even look him in the eye anymore, does he really look that bad?

He starts to feel isolated & the weight of being dead really hits him as he watches the rest of them from afar. He doesn’t always choose to appear for this reason. He doesn’t want to feel like a bother, or like he’s getting in the way

He tries to remind himself that it could be worse, & he doesn’t want to go back to the underworld. So he has to try & keep himself entertained & upbeat & his favorite way to do that is by pulling what he calls “ghost pranks.” He’ll steal shit & make it go missing only to have it show up in obvious places, move shit through the air, rattle around in the kitchen at night (or mess with the loud ass anchor chain, that’s almost worse) but his favorite way to fuck with his friends is to tickle them out of the blue & the worst part is he won’t even actually be there, he’ll just be invisible & messing with them on purpose

At first his antics are more common as he tries to make his presence known & accepted, but everyone is at least little creeped out & he starts goofing off less & less. & you’d think it would take more effort to appear to people, but it’s a conscious effort to stay invisible. So I like to think that one day Odysseus was wondering about the ship & he noticed Polites sitting at the railing looking glum as ever & it’s just such a sad sight it makes him realize they haven’t exactly been the nicest or most accepting of him now that he’s back. So he goes over & sits next to him & he apologizes for the way he’s been since he came back. They have a nice long chat & talk out some stuff that really didn’t need to remain unsaid

He’s not his happy go lucky self like he used to be, but he’s still pretty optimistic… regarding other people. In regards to himself, he gets all teary eyed & you can tell he’s trying so damn hard to frame things in a decent light. Because he’s always been a glass half full kinda guy, so he’s gotta always see it that way regardless. Right?

Odysseus can’t stand seeing him so upset & it’s literally eating him alive. He’s talking to Eurylochus about it & saying how he’s so much sadder now than he used to be & it’s “not as easy” to cheer him up. & Eurylochus, half joking, is like “yeah, too bad you can’t tickle him” & Odysseus is like … 😈

Eurylochus is like “you can’t be serious” & he’s like “hey it’s worth a shot! If any ghost is ticklish it’ll be him” Like ok he doesn’t even have a body but go off I guess

But he catches Polites when he’s feeling down, & when his normal cheer up methods don’t work, he barely bites back a smirk. Polites knows that damn look but thinks he’s safe since he’s a ghost & why would Odysseus even bother trying? It would be pointless. But he’s interacted with solid objects before, so just maybe solid objects can interact with him

But Polites just arches a brow & looks at him like “what?” & Odysseus legit just comes right out & says it “you look too sad. I think someone needs a visit from the tickle monster” & Polites gets this sad, wistful smile, but he’s also looking at Odysseus like he’s gone off the deep end & he just snorts like “yeah good luck with that” except he’s nothing but stubborn & determined, so on impulse he goes to squeeze his side. & Odysseus can feel that something’s there, but his hand can still kinda phase through. & Polites shrieks, mostly out of shock because he never thought a ghost would be ticklish, & he & Odysseus are equally surprised. & Odysseus is so mischievous because he’s really missed getting to make his best friend squeal with laughter, & now it’s paired with morbid curiosity because he’s so fascinated by the fact that ghosts are apparently ticklish. & he’s fake interrogating him asking how it feels & how different it is from when he was alive & I’m such a sucker for the trope where it tickles when you stick your hand through a ghost

It really is like the old Polites is back, & they start to get used to their new resident ghost

Even tho he’s already dead & he doesn’t technically have any stakes in the game, he carries out orders & when they’re faced with a challenge, he fights just as hard as the rest of them to make it out safe. & he is more than willing to sacrifice himself to save a fellow soldier. & even tho he’s dead, it’s still just as upsetting for Odysseus to watch as if he were still alive

If/when I write it, idk whether I’m gonna keep it where Odysseus is the only one who makes it back, because imagine how much it’ll hurt both of them to continue seeing everyone around them drop like flies. How in the end they only have each other. But it could also be such a game changer to have 1 more man on their crew, especially if he has some ghost powers. & even the power of moral can be a huge game changer

That’s all I got for now, let me know if y’all want more ghost!polites headcanons, or shoot me some of your own! wink wink nudge nudge

[afterthefeast]

terror ep 7 rewatch

ok kind of funny hodgson was the one who let hickey on to the terror. all things considered.

“are these our own choices, cornelius? or are they being made for us?” kiiiind of a thesis statement methinks. cause like tbh yeah their choices are being made for them, there’s no real counter to that. and while i do think the mutiny is supposed to be read as crossing a moral line, turning one’s back on the bonds that make one human, at the same time hickey et al are all products of a victorian class system which has confined them to a certain strata of society and only encouraged resentment and ruthless competition between those born in the same class as you for very little reward. hickey’s whole logic for the mutiny is rooted in this competition; the idea that the correct response in the face of resource scarcity is to maximise your share regardless of the cost. capitalism moments i guess.

billy being the first to suggest the mutiny, though hickey starts to take control of the overall idea once tozer indicates he’s in favour — good demonstration of hickey’s general opportunism rather than machiavellian scheming.

“we’d prefer to die under english blankets, smelling english coal.” — the interesting thing is that the show pretty neatly balances the harsh truth that this doesn’t really matter because they’re equally dead with the fact that it sort of does matter in that if they’re dead either way at least they died with that comfort? but also on the other hand that attitude is really what doomed them from the start

ship as confessor is cool — from now on there’s nowhere for crozier to hide, figuratively or literally. not only does his survival succeed or die based on his own physical strength but also the entire expedition lives or dies based on his flaws.

collins & goodsir conversation — “my stomach doesn’t know horrible from supper, but i do” wooo the horrible logic of cannibalism. eating other people does necessitate on some level a loss of identity (as human, as someone who was friends with those people etc etc) — and in fact probably on some level requires that breakdown in identity (material necessity overriding in-group ties at the very least) to become justifiable.

goodsir begging crozier to send out hunting parties — crozier is sort of becoming franklin here a little, i think? while i personally hate franklin i really don’t think he’s intended to be completely dislikable and probably this is supposed to show how for all he was a dick about it he was dealing with very difficult questions. but crozier does then later send out hunting parties once morfin dies so he’s not fully there yet.

deeply tattered british flag.

tozer asking for weapons is kind of a lose/lose situation for crozier because at this stage tozer’s still somewhat loyal, though probably the mutiny was a foregone conclusion. arming a group including hickey is obviously dangerous, but as little and crozier admit tozer’s reasoning is sound, so refusing to arm them only further distances tozer and strengthens the argument that sticking with crozier will not ensure their survival.

goodsir carrying around jacko’s body — he’s so interesting!! like simultaneously he feels so bad but also he’s

crozier remembering morfin’s name and that he’s from gainsborough

actually i think in this episode in particular there’s a strong undercurrent of choice running through it. like broadly that’s a theme in the show more generally but it’s really to the forefront of this episode — obviously with billy asking if they’re even making their own choice, and with collins and goodsir’s conversation throwing into question whether cannibalism can even be considered a choice if you’re just that hungry. and then most importantly with morfin; crozier won’t let him die, and like, yes that demonstrates crozier’s insistence on getting all of his men out of here, but also there’s no reason why morfin shouldn’t get his wish. he is dying, incredibly painfully, and he obviously won’t make it to whatever paradise may be waiting for them. but he lacks the means to kill himself so he’s begging someone to do it for him and crozier refuses. notably in two episodes he will make the exact opposite decision with fitzjames.

there’s a few things here — the first is showing how the arctic will slowly push you towards making harder and harder choices and compromises and crozier hasn’t reached that point. the second is that a lot of the characters are in their position because of the choices of other people. of the admiralty to send the expedition in the first place, of franklin for refusing to listen to crozier’s advice, of crozier and fitzjames deciding to walk, and these choices get passed further and further down the chain of command to little & dundy abandoning the sick. and third i think there’s a suggestion of the arctic as a crucible in which your choices are thrown into stark relief. the cogs of empire tend to make every choice seem very far removed (you don’t see the person who died to get your coffee etc etc, a general won’t see the soldier they ordered into battle actually die, decisions are made by people far away from where they’ll be felt most). but in the arctic that distance is removed and you’re face to face with the reality of your choices. this has implications both for empire in that it’s a site where the structures that supported it break down under their own weight, because they’re no longer protected by that distance. but it also has key implications for the self — you can distill the interactions between crozier & morfin and later crozier & fitzjames into the basic question of mercy killing another human being, and what you do in that situation? initially, in ep 7 crozier is still somewhat protected from the cold reality of that choice and it’s ultimately made for him by tozer, but in ep 9 he cannot hide from it and chooses differently. there’s also the sense, not that your true self is revealed in the arctic, but that it does test you to see how, well, you “measure up”, because every choice you’re faced with is an immediate one. there are no empty choices, and so your responses to them says everything there is to say about who you actually are.

oh and tozer shooting morfin eventually is pretty key; shows that he will make that difficult choice and contextualises his view of the mutiny as really an extension of this.

silna & goodsir — their relationship is sooo fascinating but mostly

in a way hartnell has what hickey wanted with crozier i think — a special relationship, his ear and confidence. hartnell achieves this by working within the system; he has the appropriate response to his punishment, exactly what a good victorian boy should do. whereas hickey’s response is really more reasonable to a modern day viewer; he’s resentful and angry. like yeah hickey is an irredeemable racist and his view of what is fair is ultimately also deeply embedded in a victorian worldview (see his extreme resentment of silna) but he does on some level recognise that the world is unfair and rage against it. this isn’t hickey apologism though and more i suppose suggesting that hartnell (who ultimately dies for crozier in his arms) is an illustrative example of the unfairness of the victorian system, and the only way to get anywhere within it is to meekly submit to indignity and suffering.

jopson getting promoted. fitzjames psyching him out is very sweet, as is how excited the rest of them are. alsoooo breakdown of norms woo

why exactly does hickey say he needs an officer for the mutiny? is it to give it a veneer of legitimacy or because he’s more comfortable acting as second to a leader who can take the fall?

i am actually so confused about what hodgson’s role is. why wasn’t he at the command meeting and why if they’re short of officers is he going in the same hunting group as irving?

irving meeting the netsilik…ultimately he is reduced purely to John, nothing more and nothing else (the arctic will strip away all vanity and conceit).