#yeah besties I’m gonna puke I am not well

[figothynewton]

First listen thoughts of Unreal Unearth!!

Disclaimer: when it comes to his music I am literally incapable of thinking it’s bad all of these reviews are good and I don’t take criticism ps sorry for the long post oml

De Selbys: part 1 STUNNING the fuckin gorgeous Gaeilge vocals at the end???? The tranSITION TO DE SELBY 2 COME ON !!!!!!

First time- SOME PART OF ME MUST HAVE DIED THE FIRST TIME YOU CALLED ME BABY??????????? FUCK!!!!!!! God the rhythm his fucking voice the instrumentals !!!!! So good

Francesca- phenomenal as we already know

I, Carrion- Girl I already knew I was gonna like I, Carrion cause like hello I am a whore for Greek mythology and especially Icarus like sunlight is one of my favorites BUT “if we fall I only pray you don’t fall away from me” I am weeping it is so so beautiful oh my god

Eat your young- as fucking amazing as always

Damage gets done- Brandi Carlile and Hozier’s voices blend beautifully and this song feels like something you’d hear in like a coming age movie when the main character is having her realization that her life is changing for the better like full on perks of being a wallflower car tunnel scene (and yes I fucking love it)

Who we are- are the fucking vocals in that middle part him??? How is he physically capable of doing that???? Holy! Shit!

Son of Nyx- I think the best way to describe this is that my sister sent me the gif of Pinocchio from shrek rising out of the bed cause. Yeah.

All things end- remaining probably my favorite from the eat your young ep

TSFAWC(U)- Y’all. I had to replay the intro of to someone from a warm climate about five times “a joy hard learned in winter was the warming of the bed you’d shake for minutes there and move your legs wrap the blanket over you and keep your head within let your breath heat the air until you’d feel it getting thin” FUCK I need help PLEASE Ohp ok and now I’m crying again wow I almost choked from crying I’m not doing well

Butchered Tongue- girl I’m just gonna not stop crying am I ? it’s still singing here above the ground ??? Screaming crying yelling throwing up

Anything but- ! So fun!! But still so like melancholy like I’d give anything to run away! Clapping reminiscent of almost (sweet music) and it just feels like they were having fun dining the background vocals just so good

Abstract (psychopomp) really be making me fell that post about not being able to understand him cause if he wanted me to know the words he would have enunciated but lord I still love it. upon hearing there’s a part of me I’m afraid will always be trapped within an abstract from a moment of my life and I wish I could go back to not understanding the lyrics that fully made me cry all over again

Unknown/Nth- so the album hasn’t been out long enough for me to decide what my favorite out of the whole thing is but this has been my fav if the early/single releases so this one is for sure up there

First light- wow just wow wow so like I don’t even know how to describe it like I hate the word epic cause it’s so 2000s but like it truly is so like epic and powerful the sheer strength of his voice is genuinely jaw dropping just wow wow wow wowowowoowowo

So it was just a first listen through I don’t know which my favorite is yet but wow they are all just stunning it’s just an incredible album so so so good

[winderlylandchime]

1/2 And we are at 5x03 and he is excited to see Britin move in together….yeah… ‘i don’t understand in what world Brian would suck at filling up a club? Maybe the first day, sure BUT DAYS? Plural? Come on, they are making my baby boy look bad’ The groan that he let out when Mel and Linds came on screen is actually hilarious ngl. He was just dead silent and every time either of them would speak, he would just groan loudly. ‘Hold the fuck up, she’s now venting to Brian? What is he? The local therapist? Wow her hair is horrible. Nevermind, I guess he’s the local charity organization.’ And we are now at Justin/Ben/Mikey painting the house scene ‘Justin needs to paint a painting for Brian’s office. Why hasn’t he yet? (Ben mentions Britin getting a house) I highly doubt that will ever happen. I like the loft. Why is Justin so doubtful about it? See! Even Blondie knows the loft is better (ben says he needs to carry mikey in and justin says he wouldnt know what married people do) me and Justin are both gonna puke right now.’ ‘Why is Mike such a bitch? Also where the fuck is Hunter? Did he forget he has another kid? I will give my kidney up to get Brian and Justin back and not see this anymore’ Brian pops up on screen literally a second later ‘I’LL TAKE IT! They want to tear down the club for a gallery? WAIT *pauses ep* imagine a world where Brian is struggling with starting up his club like this and that someone who wants to tear it down for a gallery is Justin. Oh the hatred they’d have for each other, theyd fuck it out and be angry that theyre fucking, I should write scripts for movies. OH he said galleria not gallery. Never mind then but my idea still sounds dope. Brian looks so fucking pretty.’ The scene where Em is introduced as the Queer Guy is up *looks at his cast* ‘well this is feeling like an attack now. Why is everyone so rude to Emmett? Fuck them.’ ‘DEB IS LEAVING THE DINER?! Why? She’s retiring FOR A MAN? We aren’t worth all that. Why is blondie making me feel like he regrets being back in Pittsburgh?’ And we are finally getting some Britin and he got all happy finally ‘MY BOYS! FINALLY! (Brian hugs Justin from behind) AHHHHHHHHH LOOK AT HIM ALL AFFECTIONATE AND SHIT! Wait he dropped out again? Of course Bri Bri wants him to go back to school. Man, where was this 20 years ago? I feel like I would’ve actually graduated if I saw this and had 5 years of Brian telling me to go to school. *looks at me* dont tell dad. Of course Brian is offering him a job! Thatd be cute. Why am i having feelings over Justin putting away Brian’s suit? (The sunshine how did i scene is up!!!!) OH MY FUCKING GOD *pauses tv and slides down from the couch on the floor so he’s now sitting on the floor* no he fucking didn’t! I’m glad all three of us are aware of that!’ ‘Not Ted and Justin being Blondie Besties. Okay, Queer Guy let’s go Emy! Oh god this is bad. *covers up his face* this is so bad. What did they do to my Emmett? IS THAT ROSIE FUCKING O’DONNELL?! That was so bad. And youre telling me justin didn’t have a single joke?’ Rosie (i forgot her name) tells Deb that her husband caught her kissing her friend while making cinnamon buns ‘i can see how that makes a person wanna kiss a friend.. it’s homies supporting homies *forgets about the cast and tries to make a fist realizes it, so he makes a fist with his left arm* Ally…that was weak. I’m so sorry Rosie O’Donnell, you deserve better. I’m ashamed of this’ ‘oh Lindsay. She’s just as dumb as Michael. And that hair is still horrible’ ‘THIS IS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT! I told you Brian would make Babylon insane but you thought I was dumb! The place is PACKED! Look at Blondie standing next to his man at his club. Supportive boyfriends. Wait the club is empty?! HE PAYED THEM? That’s actually smart. Did Blondie come up with this? I love this so much.‘ ‘YOU GO ROSIE O’DONNELL! Im confused why she’s here but you go girl!’ ‘THEY THINK EMMETT IS NOT QUEER ENOUGH?’ the scene cuts to the custody bullshit ‘did Mel forget that she also cheated? All three of them are so fucking stupid. OH LINDSAY IS A BITCH.’

Hold the fuck up, she’s now venting to Brian? What is he? The local therapist? Wow her hair is horrible. Nevermind, I guess he’s the local charity organization. YEAH he's the local therapist, charity organization, fundraiser, etc etc.

I HATE MIKEY AND BEN in this season with a passion. Ugh. And then they go roping Justin into their nonsense.

Yeah Emmy being the Queer Guy is going to make a lot of uncomfortable commentary about that show given your brother is a fan. Remind him that the original version of the show was not what it is today (I definitely watched it back then too, I won't lie)

Also can we have your brother write a fic where Justin wants to open a gallery in place of Babylon and it's an enemies-to-lovers fic? OMG Justin got sent to conversion therapy, comes back this uptight version of himself, wants to take down the big bad gay club and meets Brian and...

LBR your brother, at this point, would do anything BriBri asked him. ;) including go back to college.

The how did I scene is everything. These are the moments we need to survive this awful season.

And the Rosie O'Donnell plot line. I don't even know...

[munson-blurbs]

okay but picture eddie and reader are besties and they take care of eddie after some party? he just stares into your eyes telling you how sweet and beautiful.

-🌬

Cute lil drunk Eddie being cute <3

Warnings: underage drinking (Reader and Eddie are over 18 but under 21), mentions of vomit (doesn’t actually happen)

WC: 749

--

"Yeah, so then he tried to dunk the ball but ended up--oof," you grunt as a warm body flings itself against your back. Two ringed hands snake their way around your waist.

“Hi,” Eddie says, resting his chin on your shoulder. He’s got a soft, dopey grin on his face.

“Eds,” you wrinkle your nose, “you smell like a barroom floor.”

He pouts, making his his big brown eyes even wider. “But I wore deodorant! And cologne!”

Robin clears her throat. “So, um, I’ll let you deal with that--” she points at Eddie, who is swaying lightly, “and we can continue this conversation tomorrow.”

You shoot her an apologetic look as you unwrap Eddie from your torso.

“What happened to, ‘don’t worry, I’m just gonna have a few beers’?” you scold him teasingly, but he’s too drunk to pick up on your tone.

“I was, but then I got sad, so Harrington gave me a drink that tasted really sweet, and I kept drinking it, and now here I am!” He tries to do a little spin and stumbles. You catch him, holding back a laugh.

“I’m gonna kill Steve,” you mutter, but then your thoughts are pulled back to something else Eddie said. “Wait, why were you sad?”

He looks at the floor. “’Cause you were talking to some guy,” he mumbles. “Didn’t like it.”

This time, you can’t hold back your laughter. “You mean Danny? We’re lab partners in chem and we were just talking about how hard the class is.”

“Didn’t like it,” Eddie repeats.

“Okay, Eds. I’m sorry. I won’t leave you alone again,” you tell him, reaching behind the couch for your jacket. “C’mon, I’ll drive you home.” You reach into his jacket pocket and grab his keys. In the three seconds it took, he’d forgotten that you were going home and started walking back towards the party. “Eddie!” you scold, grabbing his hand with a roll of your eyes. Babysitting him was not your plan tonight.

You get him in the van and start it while Eddie fiddles with the stereo. He finds an AC/DC cassette and cranks it up to the maximum volume.

“Stop that!” you hiss, turning it off completely. “Now you’ve lost your music privileges.”

“‘S not fair,” he whines, but rests his head on the seat. He’s so quiet for so long that you think--you hope--he’s asleep, until you feel his curly mop of hair tickling your cheek.

“What are you doing?” you giggle, pushing him off. “We’re almost home.”

“Just wanna look atchu,” he slurs, “because you’re s’beautiful.”

“All right, drunky boy,” you grimace as you smell the tequila on his breath. “Settle down.”

“I mean it,” he continues, twirling a lock of your hair around his finger. “You’re s’pretty an’ nice an’ pretty...”

You sigh. “Well, thank you.”

“’M gonna tell you a s-secret,” he hiccups. “I think I wan’ kiss you. Like, all the time. Like, be your boyfriend.”

You pull up to his trailer and throw the car in park. “Thank you,” you repeat yourself, taking none of this seriously.

“Can I do it? Pretty please?” He juts out his lower lip. “Jus’ one little kiss.”

“Eds, you’re wasted. You’re gonna wake up tomorrow and be so embarrassed, if you even remember any of this.”

He shakes his head vigorously and grabs the gearshift to combat the dizziness that ensues. “No, but I think ‘bout it even when I’m not wasted,” he presses, weaving his fingers into yours.

You remove your hand from his grasp. “Then we’ll talk about it in the morning and see if you still want it,” you reason, walking to his side of the van to help him out.

This seems to satisfy him, even temporarily. “Mmkay,” he agrees. “You gon’ sleep over?”

“I guess so. Someone’s gotta make sure you don’t puke on yourself, and I feel bad asking Wayne to do it...again,” you reply as you guide him up the steps and through the front door.

Eddie flops into bed, still in his normal clothes. You’re too tired to attempt to get him to change, so you head to the bathroom to wash off your makeup and pull on one of his old shirts and boxer shorts.

You crawl into bed with him as you’ve done a million times before, only tonight feels different. He throws an arm over you and half-whispers, “Soon as I’m not drunk anymore, ‘m gon’ kiss you.”

“Good night, Eddie.”

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

A Place To Call Home: Halloween

Summary: A casual Halloween night out for some drinks between the reader, TJ and Cody becomes anything but when the reader thinks she may have been drugged at a bar. When she calls Jensen for help, their relationship takes a fundamental change...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x foster daughter!reader

Word Count: 6,100ish

Warnings: language, drinking, drugging, angst, fluff

A/N: This part takes place after the Jensen’s Day timestamp. Enjoy!

______

“Trick or treat!” said Allie after your dad answered the front door in a batman t shirt. 

“Well aren’t you the cutest little Elsa,” he said. He dropped a few big handfuls of candy in her bag and then a few more. He tickled Colin and got a laugh from him. “Colin you are the most adorable baby Yoda ever cutie and I gotta say...you ain’t a half bad Mandalorian, kid. You almost look tough or something.”

“It’s cause I’m a badass,” said TJ as he stuck out his chest.

“It’s cause you’re a nerd,” said your dad. You walked inside, Colin giggling as your mom stole him away without a second glance. “Nice costume though.”

“Y/N picked it out off some website or something,” he said. He sneezed and your dad shut the door. “God my allergies are killing me lately. Ragweed is horrible this year.”

“I know. De and I have been popping allergy meds the past few days,” he said. “You get it the worst.”

“Yeah but I started taking it like a week ago to build it up. I think it’s helping. Also, a bounty hunter and an adoptive dad? Mmm, peak man crush right there, babe,” you said, your dad rolling his eyes as TJ kissed your cheek.

“And what exactly are you supposed to be? A curtain?” teased your dad as you spun around.

“I thought I’d go another route,” you said. You took off your robe and he went wide eyed. “Soldier...girl?”

“Oh my God. You’re Solider Boy. That is so fucking cool!” he said as he looked you over.

“Jay, fuck’s a bad word,” said Allie. 

“And we don’t repeat bad words, do we,” said TJ. “De’s got some more candy for you somewhere I bet.”

She took off up to the TV room and your dad walked around you.

“What do you think?” you asked. “Look real?”

“Okay that’s like good. Like real good. It’s just like mine from the show. Like even the shield looks the same.”

“It’s from the show. Kripke sent it to me. I know it’s a little big for my back but I couldn’t not use it,” you said. “I took a long shot and asked him on Twitter about it and he just like sent me the thing. He was really nice.”

“Good,” he said as he looked you over. “I am impressed. You guys might win your costume contest thing at whatever bar you’re going to.”

“I just want to go drink,” you said, TJ throwing an arm over your shoulders. “We’ll be back around eleven, midnight?” 

“Go have fun. Mom and I’ll watch the babies tonight. Pick ‘em up in the morning,” he said.

“We didn’t pack bags for them,” you said. He stared at you and shook his head.

“You live a quarter of a mile away. We shall survive without you for one evening,” he said, pushing you both out the door. “Go have fun with Cody. I’ll see your hungover butts tomorrow, okay?”

“Don’t have to tell us twice.”

“Cody,” you said at the bar a few hours later. He finished off his drink and shook out his head. “Can you check on TJ? He’s been in the bathroom awhile.”

“Yeah. Order me another gin and tonic?” he asked.

“Can do,” you said. You hopped off your seat and paused for a moment, getting your bearings before you walked over to the bar. “Gin and tonic and another...graveyard…”

“Graveyard smash?” asked the girl behind the bar.

“Yeah. Another one of those. Oh and a bottle of bud,” you said. You handed over your card to pay, tucking it back in your shorts pocket. You brought the drinks over to the table, finishing off your margarita and the last of TJ’s old beer before you started sipping on the Halloween mixer. 

It took about thirty seconds before you realized what you’d done.

“Fuck,” you said. You pursed your lips and took out your phone, biting your bottom lip before you dialed.

“You better be drunk calling me,” chuckled your dad. “What’s up, kiddo?”

“The guys are in the bathroom and I just drank from a glass that nobody was watching,” you said. You shut your eyes and felt a little off, not sure if it was because of the already decent amount of alcohol in you or something else. “What do I do?”

“Go to the bar and sit there and don’t move. The boys will be back soon,” he said. You tried to move but felt wobbly and sat back on your seat. “Y/N, don’t hang up on me.”

“Dad, I don’t think I can walk over there,” you said. “I’m drunk but...shit I fucked up.”

“Where are you?” he asked.

“Um, the uh...the place to the right of Jared’s.”

“Okay. Sit there. I’m gonna call…” he said as you stared down at the bathrooms. “Y/N. Answer me.”

“I think something’s wrong,” you said. “The boys are taking too long.”

“Cody is a police officer and TJ is tougher than he looks. They’re probably throwing up or something,” he said.

“TJ said he felt funny,” you said as you stared at his glass. “What if it was in his drink?”

“I don’t know but whatever you do, do not leave your spot,” he said.

“But it’s TJ.”

“Y/N I’m having a hard enough time not freaking out right now. Please do not move,” he said. 

“Hey! Soldier boy!” said a guy walking by in a homelander costume. “Nice suit.”

“Can you do me a favor?” you said, the guy smiling as he leaned against your table. “My husband and friend went to the bathroom a long time ago and didn’t come back. One’s the Mandalorian and the other one is a zombie. Can you check on them for me?”

“Yes I can very drunk girl,” he chuckled. “I’ll be back.”

“Y/N, stop putting the phone down,” said your dad in your ear.

“Homelander’s going to look for the boys.”

“Your boys or The Boys?” he asked.

“Should I have clarified?”

“Just...I’ll be there soon. Don’t-”

“Boys!” you said, Homelander wandering back over with a very pale looking TJ and a wet Cody.

“I think your friends were puking in the alley,” said Homelander.

“Thank you so much,” you said. “You’re so sweet.”

“Mind if I get a pic? Your costume is kinda perfect,” he said.

“Not at all,” you said. You hopped off your seat and felt better. “Ah, okay. Just drunk.”

“Hm?” said TJ as you hung up your call and the other guy gave him his phone. “Hey there’s a starlight over there too.”

“Starlight! Come get your pic taken with the Seven, girl!” you shouted.

“She’s drunk,” said the homelander guy with a laugh. 

“After three of those graveyard smash things? Oh for sure,” said TJ.

Half an hour later you were onto another drink and TJ was fanboying over star wars with another guy in a Mandalorian outfit. Cody was talking to the starlight chick who was maybe in a relationship with the homelander guy. They were at least mutually pining for one another if they weren’t already.

“Morris. Come on. I’m drunk and even I can tell Kayla Starlight over there is dying for you to ask her out,” you said. He shrugged and you cocked your head. “Oh come on.”

“She’s been my best friend since I was like four. Like, I can’t fuck up twenty something years of friendship if she’s...how fucked am I?” he asked as you smirked.

“So fucked,” you laughed. “Trust me. I was besties with my husband for years before we finally talked about it. Sometimes you just gotta-”

“Why the fuck haven’t you been answering your phone?” you heard your dad say. You spun around and gave him a smile.

“Is that the guy that played-”

“Walk away kid. Now,” growled your dad. 

“See ya around, Y/N,” he said, Kayla disappearing with a wave with him. TJ spun around and your dad shot him a dirty look.

“What’d I do?” asked TJ.

“You three are glued to your phones yet tonight for some reason, you seem to have forgotten they exist. If you’d read a text then you’d know that she called me half an hour ago saying she thought she’d been drugged.”

“What?” Cody and TJ said, both of them staring at you.

“Fuck, Y/N I thought someone took you,” said your dad. You opened your mouth and he shook his head.

“She’s just drunk,” said TJ. 

“Well thanks for the update. You could have answered your phone,” he said. He glared at you and shook his head. “Don’t ever do that again.”

He left the bar and you slid off your seat, jogging outside, telling the boys you’d be back in a minute. There were a lot of people out for a Friday night and it took a second to find him in the crowd. 

“Dad,” you said. You caught up with him as he walked down the sidewalk. You tugged on his arm and the man spun around, very much not your father. “Sorry. I thought you were someone else.”

“Nice costume,” he said and you stepped back into another body, your head swimming. “You gonna puke? Alley’s over there.”

You turned your head and jogged around the corner, spitting up your stomach with a big heave. You wiped off your mouth and sighed, getting up to your feet. There was a shove on your back and you got pushed further into the darkness, falling onto the dirt and gravel. You spun around on your bottom and saw the guy from before.

“Be more careful, kid. You’re tripping there.”

“You pushed me,” you grumbled as you stood up, picking up a rock in your fist as you went.

“You’re on something. You got that look in your eye,” he said. You narrowed your eyes and he walked forward, close enough for you to whack him in the head with the rock. He swore as he fell down and you ran back onto the street, jogging away until you got to a street corner and saw a familiar back of someone’s head.

“Dad,” you said, tugging on his jacket, relieved to find it was him this time. “Dad, there was-”

“I don’t want to speak to you right now,” he said. You swallowed and stared at him, his face hard.

“Dad. I-”

“You never hang up the phone with me when you call me like that ever again, do you understand?” he said. You stared at him and his jaw clenched. “Of course you don’t. You’re drunk.”

“Dad I’m not. I-”

“You smell like vomit,” he said with a scoff. You turned around and saw the man from before hanging back, shooting you a look. “Go back to the bar, Y/N.”

“Dad-”

“Would you just go?” he shouted. 

“Dad don’t. I need-”

“For fucks sake. Just go away.”

You let go of his arm, tears welling in your eyes. 

“Grow up,” he said. You stepped back, watching him walk across the street.

“D-Daddy,” you said. He stopped in the crosswalk and looked back at you, his gaze following yours over to the man. The man saw him look at him and took off back towards the bars when he saw your dad scowling. Your dad jogged back over to you, tensing when you took a step back from him. 

“No one’s gonna hurt you,” he said. He stepped closer and you squeezed your eyes shut. “Y/N. What’s wrong?”

“I feel funny and I’m drunk and I’m scared and I’m scared of you,” you breathed out. “You were gonna leave me alone.”

“Y/N-”

“You said you wouldn’t leave me alone,” you said. You stumbled over to a nearby wall and slide down it, your head in your hands. “Don’t leave me alone. You promised. You said so.”

“Okay,” he said as he sat down beside you. He kissed the top of your head and you heard him shudder. “You’re okay, munchkin, I promise.”

“How are you feeling this morning?” asked the doctor that walked into your room. 

“Tired,” you mumbled. TJ and Cody were there in their own stalls, still in their costumes, your dad out in the hall talking to someone.

“Your blood alcohol content was up there,” he said. “Especially you, Y/N.”

“I want to go home,” you groaned.

“You’ll be discharged shortly,” he said. You grumbled and half an hour later you were signing something that you could leave.

“Y/N,” said your dad as you walked away from the nurses station. You glanced over your shoulder, glancing down until he came over. “We need to talk about last night.”

“No we don’t. We got too drunk. I fucked up. Lesson learned,” you said. You started to head out and he grabbed your shoulder. “Jensen let go.”

“Y/N,” he said, spinning you around. He opened his mouth and you crossed your arms, shrugging him off. “I made a mistake.”

“I had to beg you to help me. I called you daddy I was so scared,” you said. He shut his eyes and you growled. “Look at me.”

He snapped his eyes up, his eyes a little red already but you were too angry to care.

“The only other time I’ve ever called you that, I thought you were dead on that road. I thought...I thought there was absolutely...I was drunk and maybe drugged and your reaction was to get pissed at me, at us, for not answering phones. A man tried to attack me and I got away because my dad told me to grab whatever I could if I was ever in that situation. There you were, the safest place in the world, the safest I could ever feel after something like that happened and you told me to go away. I was terrified and you could see it on my face and you left me. You made me beg for you to help me. I don’t know who the fuck you were last night but you were not my father. You’re Jensen again until he decides to come back.”

“Y/N,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“Congratulations. You’re just like every other foster father I ever had.”

He stared at you and you turned around, walking past both TJ and Cody.

“Y/N,” said TJ and you kept walking. “Y/N. Jensen, she didn’t mean that.”

“Yes, I did. Let’s go TJ.”

One Week Later

The doorbell rang and you rolled your eyes, TJ walking past the couch and away from the door.

“TJ, can-”

“Tell him yourself,” he said, going to his office and slamming the door. You glared at it before going to the front door. You opened it quickly, your dad standing there in his raincoat and swallowing thickly.

“Is this about work?” you asked.

“No,” he said quietly.

“Then get off of my property.”

“Y/N-” he said as you slammed the door shut in his face. He rang the doorbell again and you ripped it open. “Honey-”

“I’m not your honey or kiddo or tall munchkin or anything, Jensen. This is me telling you that I want you out of my life,” you said. He lowered his head and you heard him sniffle. “I don’t give a fuck about if you cry. Get out of our lives. Stay away from my family.”

“I’ll do whatever you want me to,” he breathed out, forcing his head up. His eyes were red and puffy, face tired like it’d been that way for days. “I’ll do whatever you want. I promise.”

“You humiliated me,” you said, stepping outside and pulling the door shut. “I thought you loved me.”

“I do,” he said. “I love you so much you-”

“You don’t even know. Boo fucking hoo,” you said. He stepped back and looked small, rain dripping down on him now. “The real world sucks. Get used to it.”

“I made a mistake. Please,” he said. “Y-you don’t have to forgive me. You can...just let me try. Please. We’ve always tried. P-please let me try.”

You stared at him, watching him look down, watching him debate getting on his knees.

And it dawned on you what you’d done. What you’d said.

“Y/N, Y/N, honey,” said TJ. You looked up from the floor of your bathroom, your dad knelt down on your other side. “Honey, look at me.”

He grabbed your face and you felt wet tears streaming steadily down your cheeks.

“What happened?” you asked. “I was on the porch and now I’m here?”

“You were talking to your dad outside and he said you just...fell over crying.”

“Something’s wrong with me,” you said. You shut your eyes and TJ looked around.

“I’m gonna call the doctor,” he said. “Jensen can you keep an eye on her?”

“Of course,” he said. He kept his distance and you sniffled, opening your eyes. He looked down when you met his eyes and you started to cry.

“I’m sorry,” you said. You grabbed his arm and sat up on your knees, giving him a big hug. “Dad I’m so sorry. I love you. Please forgive me. Please. Please. I’m sorry. I want to be your daughter. I want my dad back. Please.”

“I wasn’t going anywhere,” he said. He relaxed and felt like himself again, your head resting on his shoulder. 

“Uh, guys?” asked TJ. You lifted your head up, TJ holding up his phone. “Y/N, I think I know why you freaked out on Jensen so bad.”

“How would the doctor know that over the phone?” asked your dad.

“There’s a recall out on a certain allergy medication warning people not to take it according to this headline,” said TJ. 

“Why would-”

“It’s not allergy medicine. It’s an antipsychotic drug. They mixed up the pills during manufacturing. Apparently if you give those to people that don’t need them, it fucks with their heads,” said TJ.

“You take them too,” you said as TJ nodded, your dad quiet. “Dad you and mom do-“

“I think we all better go to the hospital and get checked out. Right now.”

“How do you feel?” asked your mom a few hours later.

“My head feels normal again,” you sighed from your hospital bed. You opened your eyes, her hand running over your head. “Did I fuck it up. With dad. I think I broke it. That thing we had and it’s never going to fix back the same way.”

“You were on a very strong antipsychotic without you knowing. We are lucky all you had was some anger and a few delusions. It could have been much worse,” she said. “Daddy’s not mad, sweetie.”

“Mom I’ve never seen him like that. I was so…”

“Wasn’t just you,” he said as he rounded the corner into the room. He was out of his clothes and in a pair of pants and a plain t shirt now, holding up the bracelet on his wrist. “Why’d I have to get all the crying? I would have rather have been pissed off like you got.”

“Your test came back positive?” asked your mom.

“Yeah. So far that’s Y/N, me, TJ, Cody. The younger kids don’t seem to have it thankfully since they take the kid version. They want you to get tested though,” he said.

“But mom’s been normal,” you said as you sat up.

“Well…” he said as she rolled her eyes. “Mom’s been a little...aggressive in-”

“Don’t need to know,” you said. He chuckled and he took a seat on the opposite bed, your mom heading out. They hooked him up to an IV to clear out his system and he took a seat beside you on the bed. You looked down, getting a bump on the shoulder. His hand as on his lap, palm facing up and you smiled.

“Thatta girl,” he said as you rested yours in it. “Gonna take more than some antipsychotics to tear us apart.”

“You are the greatest foster father I’ve ever had and arguably the kindest human being I’ve ever known,” you said. He was quiet and you took a deep breath, looking across the room. “You protected me, even when you were being affected by this. I want you to forget everything I’ve said from Halloween night on. It wasn’t true. Not a second of it.”

“Was the daddy part true?” he asked. “The accident.”

“I expect you to protect me when TJ’s not around. I expect it when he is too to be honest. I spent a long time protecting myself. I was scared on that road. You couldn’t protect me. You couldn’t protect me from watching you almost die. I know how life works and that parents are not invulnerable. They get hurt. They get angry. They make mistakes. They’re human. But I’ll always be your child and on a rare occasion, I’ll need my fucking daddy to tell me it’s okay and I’ll believe him. I’m sorry for hurting him so badly.”

“You are still as ridiculous as the day you walked in your room and told me not to bother with you,” he said, tucking your hair behind your ear. “You can hurt me. You can destroy me. You can ruin me beyond repair. You’re the only thing that puts me back together though. Heals the wounds so I forget they existed. I’ve been broken before. More than you know. I am sure I will fall apart again too. But these small creatures I call my children fix all of that. The girl who ran away, who was afraid of me, she just told me I make her feel safe. I protect her. So I’m sorry but I won’t forgive you since there’s nothing to forgive. You weren’t yourself and neither was I yet you still pushed past it and realized this wasn’t normal for us. Maybe some people fight and some families would have let it go but we know we don’t stop trying in this family. Even when we’re all a little off. I’m proud of you.”

“For what?” you said quietly. He fixed your hair again, playing with it for a moment. He tickled the back of your ear and you giggled. “Dad.”

“Giggles never hurt either,” he said. He threw his arm over your shoulders and pulled you in close, kissing the top of your head. “You’re not that scared kid anymore, Y/N. You’re never gonna be her again. You’re strong. Even now, I know this will bother you for a little while but it won’t change anything. We’ll be even better if that’s possible.”

“You were begging me at the house,” you said.

“Could have gotten that new bronco you’ve been looking at. Sounds like you lost out,” he chuckled.

“Dork,” you said as you hugged him.

“I’m sorry for how I acted that night at the bar too. I’ll never do it again. I promise to not leave your side if you ever call me for help. Not for a second.”

“Dad you don’t have to apologize.”

“I’m bigger than you. I get to force this apology,” he said. “Am I forgiven?”

“Always,” you said. You saw a guy go past in the hall and you went wide eyed. “That’s the guy from the alley!”

“Hey,” said your dad with a smile as you got up. He walked out with his IV, you on his tail as the guy turned around with his doctor. The man looked at you and shook his head. “You’re the dickhead that tried to hurt my daughter aren’t you? I thought that was you.”

“Ew,” you said, looking at the infected cut on his head. Your dad moved forward and you caught his arm. “Um, maybe we can call the police?” 

A security guard at the nurse’s station got up and the man sighed, your dad narrowing his eyes.

“I was only gonna kill him a little,” he said. The man stared and your dad cocked his head. “I’m hopped up on anti-psychotics buddy. I can be very creative.”

“Dad,” you said, dragging him back into the room. “Let the police handle it.”

“I did get a little too happy about fantasizing over that,” he said as he sat down. You rolled your eyes and took a seat, laying back on the bed.

“Am I too big for a cuddle?” you asked.

“Nope, especially not in the hospital,” he said. He sat back and you rested your head on his shoulder. “Where is that husband of yours anyways?”

“I think he’s on the phone with the lawyer trying to sue or something,” you said. “Let him wander the halls and get it out of his system.”

“Excuse me?” You both turned to look at the door. “Hi. I’m Morris Harrison with Richmond...Solider Boy?”

“Homelander?” you said as Morris shook his head. “Uh, hi?”

“Hi. I uh, I’m a lawyer at Richmond and Associates and we’re working the class action against the pharmaceutical manufacturer. I got a call about more cases,” he said, handing over a business card. 

“We’ll be getting the family lawyer in contact with you rest assured,” said your dad. He nodded and looked away. “You okay?”

“Morris this is my dad, Jensen. Dad this is the nice boy from the bar you shouted at,” you said.

“To be fair, I was mentally impaired...and I mean come on, Homelander? Gotta be careful of those,” he smirked. 

“I was actually gonna be…” he said, shaking his head. “Sorry.”

“You and Kayla were gonna be Sam and Dean! Oh yeah. Now I remember,” you said. 

“I like the new friend,” chuckled your dad.

“I’ll see you guys around sometime. Maybe a little less drinking this time?” said Morris.

“Yeah. Text TJ. We’ll get together,” you said. “Oh. I gotta ask. How’d the Kayla situation work out?”

“We have our sixth date tonight,” he said. You grinned and he rolled his eyes. “You’re alright drunk girl.”

“Later Homelander,” you said with a wave as he left.

“He was nice,” said your dad. “Did I really shout at him?”

“Yeah. I think he’s a fan so thank you for being nicer this time,” you said. 

“Well...at least you made a few new friends out of this experience?” he said. “Silver lining?”

“I will take a quiet, happy day for now,” you said.

“Me too, kiddo.”

Three Days Later

It was after ten when you slipped inside your parents house. It was a little dark, your siblings all at sleepovers. You poked your head around a corner, your dad in the kitchen mixing two cocktails together. He lifted his head up, cocking his head.

“Y/N?” he asked as you stepped out from around the corner. “What are you doing here?”

“I know you and mom got the house to yourselves so I’ll only be a minute,” you said. 

“Uh, what?” he said as you walked over and gave him a hug. He returned it and ran his hand over your head. “Y/N. I know you didn’t mean what you said. You can stop apologizing. Please.”

“I know,” you said. 

“Alright then,” he said. “I’ll take free hugs anytime.”

“Dad.”

“Yeah?” he asked as you squeezed him hard. He returned it and you smirked as you looked up. “What are you up to?”

“Can I show you something?” you asked. He nodded and you pulled him with you towards your old room, back to being one for guests. You walked him inside and sat him down on the bed as he watched you. You went over to the closet and turned on the light reaching up top into a shoe box. You took it down and walked it over, handing it to him.

“What’s this?” he asked.

“My dad’s kinda sappy and he writes me these letters,” you said. He rolled his eyes but smiled, putting his hands on top. “I started writing back. I put them in this box and figured one day you’d find them. But I know it wouldn’t hurt for you to maybe peek a look now after everything.”

He nodded and smiled, freezing when he took off the lid.

“Y/N...how many letters is this?”

“A boxful?” you said. “I maybe write them with more...frequency than he does. They are dated and hopefully in order.”

He picked out the first one and shut his eyes. You bit your bottom lip and he took a deep breath.

“This is from four days after your seventeenth birthday.”

“Every time I went to therapy I wrote one. Some are for mom but your names are on the envelopes.”

“Why does this one say dad?” he asked, holding up the first one. “I wasn’t dad for years.”

“Oh we both know you were my father the first day I stepped foot in here,” you said. “I could pretend to a piece of paper. It was safe. It wouldn’t hurt me. I started calling you dad in my head a very long time ago. I just didn’t say it in case you didn’t want me to be your daughter in the end.”

He put the envelope back in the box and carefully put the lid on, tucking it by his side. He wiped off his face with the back of his hands and looked up at you.

“Next month you turn twenty eight. You’ll have been with us for a hair over eleven years. This last year...the accident...TJ and his dad...now this...you’re the adult more lately than I am.”

“Dad I’m almost twenty eight like you said. But my head still feels...younger. You’re fifty one. But you still probably think of yourself as a twenty year old kid.”

“You are learning the secrets of adulthood after all,” he said, wiping off his face again. “Y/N...I have this fear when it comes to you. It’s only you. I understand why. But it’s a fear I’ve lived with for quite a long time. It’s a fear I thought came true earlier in the week.”

“She was a bitch that didn’t know better.”

“Don’t call yourself a bitch,” he said, sounding young, shaking his head. “You’ve always been tougher than me. I put on a good act but I’m...I’m privileged and I’ve had an easy life and even that seems hard sometimes. I couldn’t be you. I’m not strong enough. I’m not strong enough to erase the fear that I had, that lingered.”

“What are you afraid of?” you asked as you sat down on the bed.

“I have always loved you. But there was a time you didn’t love me and it took a while before it was unconditional. I’ve always had this fear that I would fuck up and hurt you, make you not love me anymore and that’s selfish of me. I know it is. But I can’t lose you. It just...I was broken last week. Like somebody ripped part of my soul out and it was gone forever. I’ve dealt with grief and death and heartbreak and nothing has ever hurt like that. The drugs did all that I know but...I would have done anything to get you back. Anything. And this girl, this amazing young woman, she writes me letters. She’s been writing me letters for eleven years. I never had to be afraid of you either, did I.”

“No,” you said. “But it’s okay. Boys are allowed to get scared too.”

“Your parents did a pretty good job with you,” he said.

“Yes. I think the four of them did too,” you said.

“I didn’t raise you.”

“Yes you did,” you said. You shoved a hand in your pocket and pulled out an envelope, handing it to him. 

“Another for the box?” he asked.

“I already snuck today’s in there,” you said. “This is different.”

“What is it?”

“Just open it.” He untucked the flap and laughed, pulling out the sheet of paper. “TJ thought it was cute.”

“An IOU to tag along whenever I’d like when you go out drinking,” he chuckled. “I’m gonna need several hundred more of these while you’re at it.”

“How about like three?” you said.

“I will settle for you calling me if you think you’re in trouble,” he said. You nodded and he rested his head on your shoulder. “Even drugged up you still did that.”

“Well, the drugs didn’t kick in really until that night. Having allergies sucks,” you said. “You get the runny nose and itchy eyes and the crazy stuff. So not fun.”

“Nope,” he said, giving you a hug. “I was totally gonna have sex with mom all night but now I got all these letters to read.”

“Oh God, gross,” you said, shuddering as you stood up. He laughed and lay back on the bed, giggling as you shook yourself off. “I don’t need to hear about your nasty sex life.”

“I have an incredible sex life. Like so much-”

“Goodbye father,” you said as you walked out of the room.

“You don’t even want to know how often if I’m being honest,” he said as you walked quickly to the front door. He cracked up and you groaned. “Night, kiddo.”

“Night, dad. Enjoy your letters.”

You woke up around three in the morning, rolling over in bed and catching a few texts on your phone. You lifted your head and saw they were from your dad, a smile growing across your face.

I read the last letter first. All I gotta say is you never have to worry about me going away, no matter how much you scream and shout. You’re stuck with me forever, kiddo. Not even strong medication can tear that apart. Nothing can. 

Also, for the record, I get to be the sap in this relationship, not you. Box full of cards. Do you know how hard it is to one up that? Do you? Keeping me on my toes kid. I’m sure I’ll come up with something though.

Love you tall munchkin.

“Something wrong?” mumbled TJ. You put your phone down and shook your head.

“Not at all,” you said. You tucked in close to his side, TJ rolling to his own and tucking your head under his chin. He hummed and rubbed your arm, kissing the top of your head. “Love you.”

“Love you too, honey.”

________

A/N: Read the Dads timestamp here!

[because-edmund]

Little darling

AIGHT WE RAW DOGGING AGAIN IM SORRY FOR ERRORS

Thanks to my Internet besties @agirlinherhead and @the-redheaded-league 💕 thanks for sticking around and supporting me!!!

Daphne was puking in the toilet, for third time that day, and eighth over all that week.

Hassan brushed her hair back as he held her, brow furrowed, concern dripping from his entire being. “I think you should see Sarah again… the anxiety medicine isn’t working…” he mumbled.

She wiped her mouth before flushing, leaning back into his chest, “I know, but going to her is also anxiety inducing… what if I’m dying?”

Hassan chuckled, “You’re not dying, shortcake. Just stressed out. We gotta get you better, Ali is coming back this weekend to visit. We’ll all have a great time together as a family. But you need to Sarah first, so you’re not making yourself sick the whole time.” He stroked her hair, her little hands balled up on his chest, she nodded in agreement.

Hassan made her the appointment when he went to work, he had Annie take her shift for her. Now it was just Daphnes turn to get checked up. She wanted Hassan with her, but he actually had to do his sheriff work.

She trudged her way along, exhausted and still a little nauseous. When she made it inside she was sure she would faint.

“Hey, girlie. Heard you still aren’t feeling the best,” Sarah hugged Daphne, leading her over to the exam room in her house.

“Yeah,” she squeaked out.

“Try not to be nervous, tell me what’s up.” Sarah sat across the room at her computer, as Daphne took a seat on the bed.

“I’m so nervous that I’m throwing up, all the time, and then I’m exhausted from it all. Remember how you said a panic attack is like running a marathon? That’s how I feel…” Daphne twiddled her thumbs, refusing to make eye contact with Sarah.

“Hey, it’s just me,” Sarah rolled her chair over to Daphne, placing a gentle hand on her anxious ones. “Any other symptoms?”

“I feel like I have to pee all the time, I think it’s from the nerves…”

“When was your last period?”

Daphne couldn’t remember, that wasn’t a great sign, but she knew birth control did that sometimes. Just made you stop having periods, even if it had never happened to her.

Her silence was answer enough, “With the new ‘meds’, the St. John’s wart, remember I told you two to be careful. Were you and Hassan careful?” She raised an eyebrow at this.

Daphne nodded, “Of course, he’s been really gentle and kind and-“

“I mean protection wise.”

Oh.

Oh.

“This is the last time I listen to that stupid man…” Daphne whispered.

“He thought… he thought I meant technique? I know you were on some heavy sedatives to sleep, and didn’t hear me talk about side effects but… he thought I meant technique?!” Sarah was chuckling now. “That’s what I get for not being clear…”

“Am I pregnant,” Daphnes eyes were wide, a hand pressed to her stomach.

“Only one way to find out,” Sarah handed her a little stick from the nearby drawer. “You know where the bathroom is.”

Daphne trudged her way to the bathroom, a new wave of nausea hitting her. She already knew the answer, but she hoped the test would still be negative as she took it.

The pink plus popped up almost immediately.

Fuck.

Daphne walked out, put the stick on the table for Sarah to see.

“That was quick to get the plus… you must be quite a bit along. Cmon, let’s do an ultrasound so I can check in on the little guy.”

Daphne was shaking, trying her best not to burst into tears, have a panic attack maybe. She lifted her shirt up, and Sarah helped pull down her leggings slightly.

“This is gonna be a little cold ok?” She asked, Daphne nodded back.

“I haven’t… I haven’t slept with him in… months.” Daphne whispered as Sarah applied the cold jelly.

“Well, it only takes once,” Sarah was focused on her machine, eyes glued to the monitor. “Do you hear that?”

There was an odd sound coming from the machine, a sort of wet thump, “Yeah,” Daphne barely squeaked out.

“That’s the little guys heart beat,” Sarah explained, turning the monitor around so Daphne could see. “And that’s our little visitor, almost at four months, but looking pretty healthy!”

“Oh god,” she breathed out.

“Yeah, looks about the right size, does the timing work out for 11 weeks?”

Daphne did the math in her head, it wasn’t that she wanted to stop sleeping with Hassan, they’d only been married two years, the spark wasn’t gone yet. She just couldn’t with all her anxiety, and he was such an amazing husband for understanding that. The last time they slept together was around 3 months ago, Daphne had a panic attack in the middle of night, she woke up her husband with a simple “I need you, baby.” And who was he to say no? It was horribly slow and passionate and gentle.

He was always so gentle with her.

“Yes, that matches up perfectly…” she can’t stop staring at the little creature in her stomach. Looking like a gummy bear, not even human yet.

Her stomach lurches and she jumps off the cot, nearly missing the trash can as she vomits.

“You okay?” Sarah asks as she rubs Daphnes shaking back.

She’s crying now, she can’t help it. She’d been crying a lot lately. “I don’t think I want it…” she mumbles out between sobs.

Sarah stills just for a moment. The weight of the words hitting her.

“We don’t have to tell him,” she can’t even believe the words come out of her mouth. Hassan is her friend, but Daphnes needs, her body, her sanity, will always come first. “It’ll be quick, won’t hurt too much…”

Daphne sobs harder, the choice actually sounds pleasant, but she can’t get the image of the little gummy bear out of her mind. “I need to think about it…”

“Okay, let’s get you cleaned up, get you to Grace, that’s what Hassan told me to do.”

Sarah walked with Daphne all the way to the school yard, the kids were getting out early today, and Grace would take Daphne from there. She just had to walk to the classroom. It wasn’t a secret to anyone that Daphne was suffering a bit and tended to need company while Hassan worked.

The problem was Bev Keene, who liked to make many comments about Daphnes mental health, her husband, and whatever else she could find.

And of course on the way to Grace, Daphne ran into her.

“Oh dear you look like you’ve gone through the ringer!” Bev laughs with fake concern.

“It’s been a bit tough…” it’s all Daphne wants Bev to know. God knows how she’d react to an abortion, maybe throw red paint on her, call her a heathen…

“You and the sheriff are always welcome at our church, get some real comfort from a real god,” Bev smiles.

“Hassan is doing fine at the mosque, and I’m doing great with him, so if I could just visit with Gra-“ Daphne tries to walk around the woman but is cut off.

“You know you’re awfully pretty, you really wasted all your potential with that man. I just hope you’re smart enough not to bear his children. Make a whole clan of those suicide-bombers for this island… although suicide runs on your side too… have you had those thoughts recently? I’ve heard the sheriff tell the others he’s afraid of finding you… what is it you used last time? A rope? Knife… no it was pills! And liquor, just like that no good Joe-“

Beverly is finally cut off by Grace interrupting, “Bev stop keeping my little Daphne all to yourself, she has to teach me how to make lemon cake today!”

Grace grabs Daphnes hand, noticing how it shakes, how her other arm is wrapped around her waist, clutching her doctors papers for dear life. They booked it out of the schoolhouse, never turning back.

“Grace,” Daphne murmured before softly breaking into more tears.

“It’s ok, you’re safe with me now. Let’s go back to my house, we’ll talk about whatever you wanna talk about, ok?” Grace kept a tight grip on Daphnes hand, leading her to her humble home.

Paul had taken the twins to the mainland for a day on the pier, they would be back within the hour, so Daphne knew she had to make things quick. As she sat on the couch, she barely gave Grace enough time to take off her shoes.

“Sarah says I’m pregnant.” She blurts out.

Grace is shocked at first, a stiffness takes over her for a moment but happiness and surprise wash over her features rather quickly. “That’s amazing!” She runs over to Daphne, quickly kneeling in front of her and holding her hands.

“Grace…” Daphne begins to cry, she’s cried far too much today but she really can’t help it.

“Daphne, it’s great news trust me…” Grace brushes some of daphnes hair out of her face and goes to hand her a tissue.

“I don’t think I want it… Sarah said I can just take care of it and not even let Hassan know! He doesn’t even have to know Grace it can all be just our secret and-“

Grace cuts her friend off, “Daphne, that’s not fair to Hassan.”

“I know, but I can’t be a mother you know that, and he’s not going to want kids! He already thinks he’s too old for me!” Daphne sniffles into her already soaked tissue.

“Daphne, if you don’t at least tell him what you’re going to do, I will. Or worse, I’ll just have Paul blurt it out to everyone,” Grace tries to joke, but everyone knows the situation is far too serious.

“I didn’t plan to have children, I don’t want to be a mother, and have a baby and-“

“Daphne, you don’t have to do those things, but you have to talk to your husband about it…” Grace felt a bit of anger, maybe jealousy rising in her at her friend. It was awful, something she felt she shouldn’t be feeling, but to her, it was a blessing to get pregnant. And she knew Daphne would be a great mother, she knew the whole thing was a miracle, as her husband would say, she just needed her friend to see that too.

“You won’t tell Paul, will you?” Daphne muttered out.

“I won’t. But please, before you do anything, talk to Hassan. I hate to say this, but it’s his baby too. And he at least has the right to know what’s happening, at least to you, he loves you. We all love you…”

The two hugged and Grace held Daphne for the next hour, until Paul got home with the kids. Daphne took that as her sign to leave, start dinner for her husband, hope her life didn’t end up in flames.

Daphne could barely focus as she tried to wrap her mind around cooking, it was always her solace, her comfort. But now she couldn’t even being to think of a recipe. Couldn’t even focus on reading the ones she had written down.

She ended up just making a cup of tea and sitting on her pink chair, she resolved to wait for Hassan, and then see if she still felt like eating.

He came home, right on time, but gruffly slammed the door and hung his keys up with irritation. “Hey,” was all he had said to her before kicking off his shoes and walking straight past her.

She just began sobbing again.

It was like a siren, he heard it in an instant, her little sniffle. He rushed out to check on her, found her crumpled in her chair, almost wailing.

“Shortcake, what’s the matter?” Hassan knelt in front of her chair, tried to pry her hands off of covering her face. “Babe, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to shut the door so loud, I’m sorry baby, please let me make it better…” Hassan just kept apologizing, desperately trying to calm his wife down.

“I’m a horrible wife!” She finally wailed.

“No you’re not! Sweetheart please look at me, please, you’re not! You’re amazing and take care of me and Ali and you’re so loving and sweet. Baby, please stop crying, what can I do to make it better?” Hassan felt tears in his own eyes. He was sure he had done something to make her feel like she wasn’t enough for him, which was hardly the case, and never once his intent.

“I can’t do it, I’m so sorry, Hassan, I just can’t.” Daphne barely hiccuped the words out, finally looking at her worried husband.

“Do what, shortcake? We don’t have to do anything you don’t wanna do… just tell me what it is I’ll get us out of it and you don’t even have to worry-“ Hassan is cut off by the words he never expected to hear again.

“I’m pregnant, Hassan…”

He stiffens for a moment, maybe stops breathing all together. Tries to piece the words together in his mind, have them make sense. Pregnant means a baby, which is a whole new life, which means he’s a dad again, which means Daphne is a mom. Daphne is terrified of that.

“Please don’t hate me…” she squeaks out.

It draws him back to the little living room, where she’s balled up in her perfectly pink chair, next to his deep blue one, where they spend quiet evenings in comfortable, loving silence. Where it was their designated safe place in the house, where she was crying her eyes out, where she was prepared to be hated again, where he had walked past her without so much as a proper hello. No wonder she thinks he hates her, doesn’t want her anymore. It wasn’t the case, it never would be the case.

“Darling, doll, look at me. Why would I hate you?” He cradles her face, thumbs brushing her cheeks. “I’m not mad, I’m really, really happy actually.” He breathes the last words out, giggles suddenly coming to his lungs. “A baby?” He asks again, a toothy grin forming on his face.

“I don’t want to be a mom, I think I need to… to get rid of it,” she can’t look him in the eyes, where his joy is leaking out through tears. “I think I want an abortion…”

“I know, I know you don’t want to be a mom, but, darling, I think you’d be the best mom… look at Ali. That kid is way better because of you, look at me, I’m still kicking it because of you! You’re so loving to Sam and Esther and Hope, too, you are the most amazing woman I have ever known.

“I know it’s your body, and you get the final say, but, I wanna do this with you, shortcake. I want to watch you grow our child with the same love you grow our tomato plants! I want the sleepless nights and messy diapers. I want it all, I want you, but I want you happy. You’re the most important thing in my life, and you’re not her, you’re not your mom. You’re gonna so much better. I know it. I love you so much, my beautiful, amazing Daphne.” One of his hands is still cradling her face, the other has trailed down her waist, resting on her stomach. Daphne can’t stop crying, but she feels the love in that moment.

“Okay, I’ll do it.” She whispers, not for him, but herself. She feels like maybe she can do it. Can be a good mom, loving and kind. He quelled all of her fears and doubts in one night. She didn’t think that was possible.

Hassan lights up again, his dopey grin returning as he hops up and grabs Daphne off the chair, holding her in a bridal style. “My beautiful wife, carrying my child!” He laughs. “How far along are you? Did Sarah say? I have to start making a nursery, baby proof the house and-“

“Hassan, we still have time. I’m only 11 weeks.” Daphne laughs for the first time that day. “I have a picture, do you want to see?”

“Of course I want to see!” Hassan puts her down as though she’s made of glass. He spends a moment to kiss her, tenderly, on the lips.

She reaches for her pile of papers on the end table, rifles through them, before handing Hassan one.

It’s a grey and white image, one he hasn’t seen since Grace and Paul showed off their children. There’s just a small little creature resting, he wonders if it was sleeping.

“It’s beautiful…” he whispers. “That’s our baby! Look at that! You made that without even trying! Without even knowing! I knew you were amazing and could bake anything but baking a baby? God, Daphne, you’re amazing…”

She couldn’t help but laugh, “I don’t think it’s the same as baking… but it does look like a gummy bear, right?”

“Oh my god, it really does,” Hassan is still grinning as he traces his fingers over the picture. “That’s our baby… we have to tell Ali this weekend. When do we tell the island? Grace and Paul should know first, then Riley and Erin, the boys can help me build a crib… when do we find out what it is? I think it’ll be another boy…” Hassan just kept rambling his thoughts, kneeling down to her stomach, wrapping his arms around her waist.

It felt good, it felt hopeful, it felt like love.

[mendesbhraanth]

Reader x Shawn where they are secretly married and the secret relationship gets exposed when they play a truth or dare game with friends

Hey!! This is my first imagine based on this request and thank you so much for requesting! I apologise for the grammatical and other stuff👉👈🥺

Pairing : Shawn X y/n

Warnings: language?

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"Truth or dare??" Brian asked holding up an empty champagne bottle in the air.

Currently you and shawn are at that birthday party you all threw for Connor because isn't he a sweetie!? It was a lit party with a lot of people who Connor really really enjoyed spending time with which was basically the crew and his fam and friends ofcourse. The kid was not expecting it and y'all did a pretty good job with the whole surprise thing.

It was like 3 am and most of the crowd had already left so it was just Connor, Shawn, Brian, Luna, Geoff, Teddy and you. Y'all were not like...'Wasteddd!!!' And drunk but y'all had consumed enough alcohol to make your self feel very tIpSy...

You and shawn who were literally staring at each other like your life depended on it, and weren't intending to or let's say didn't want to indulge in anything but eachother, basically didn't even know Brian was making sound.

"I said 'TRUTH OR DARE??" Brian repeated his words, this time even louder because no one responded at all when he said it before.

"Awww is Brian still in highschool to play truth or dare??!" Mike said in baby voice making fun of him. That guy had crossed the border of tipsy and was now officially a bit drunk.

"Nah bruh it's just us!! We can play an adult version of it like last time ya know?" Brain said, a dramatic smirk on his face and Mike dramatically mimicked puking to match with it and mouthed a "horny mofo" at Brian And the whole crew started laughing exept for you both.

All of this was going on..you both were lost in what was behind the other person's eyes. There was of course a solid 2 meter distance form you both as y'all were sitting in a circle on the floor and shawn was sitting opposite to you but you both have experienced so much distance in your 3 year relationship that now, distance is just a bunch of physics stuff for you.

You both have known each other for about forever. You were quick to become friends with shawn, Brian, Luna and Geoff when you moved towns from Scarborough to Pickering. You guys met at school and even though the four of you are literally the LIFE, shawn and you have always been the closest and had a much more deeper connection with each other.

And 3 years ago he confessed his feelings for you and you returned it back in the same energy that was "I LOVE YOU AND CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME STAY AND LOVE ME BACK" type of shit.

Talking about what's happening right now, is that all were gathered in a circle and we're planning to play truth or dare as Brian finally got his demand accepted.

He spinned the champage bottle that was inplaced in the middle and after 9 curious seconds, it landed on teddy and Connor, The mouth of the bottle pointed at him.

Teddy looked at him with a evil smile planted on her glamed face.

"Okay!! Truth or dare?"

"Dare?" Connor replied unsure of the words.

Teddy rubbed both of her hands together and paired with that smile, it looked like she had something very very good planned for the Birthday boy.

"Okay I don't know how but make y/n give you a lap dance"

The whole crew cracked into laugher at the situation of the poor boy. Execpt for you and shawn.. and Connor as well. He gave you a awkward confused look.

You looked at Shawn who was still processing the words.

"Of course not!!" You voiced your unwillingness! How the hell can you give him a lap dance when your fiance was sitting right across from you?!? Even if he wasn't, why the hell would you give someone else a lap dance?!?! Yeah why? But the thing is...no one knew about you and shawn. Hell!! No body is even slightly aware of the fact that y'all have been dating. That too for 3 years!!! Not even your bestest of best friends!!

"I AM NOT GIVING ANYONE ANYTHING!!" You said loud and clear.

"Oh! Well...last time Brian brought up this silly game you were asked to give shawn a lap dance and you did not hesitate!" Luna challenged jokingly and smirked at you and a chill ran down your spine.

That's when you knew it's either spilling the real tea or dancing on Connor's lap and creating the most awkwardest situation ever and risk your relationship and possibly break up. Nah I'm kidding haha. But you could never ever do such a thing. No matter what.

You didn't know what to do and you looked at Shawn and he seemed much calmer than you. What the fuck was that dude thinking??

"I think it's time we tell them" shawn said and your eyes widened.

"Tell us what?" Geoff asked. Now all the attention pointed to shawn and only shawn because no one even had the slightest bit of clue that the "we" meant you and shawn.

Shawn was always super shy and so were you. Shawn seemed like he wasn't ready let people know about your relationship because he really wasn't until now. Hell you thought they'll only find out when you get your first baby and you kinda dreaded it but you didn't want to pressurise shawn at all.

Shawn looked at you and you gave him a small nod because you were having kind of a panic attack inside your head thinking about how your friends would react. It was sure that they would get offended.

"So...me and y/n are dating..." Shawn started off and all 5 of them widened their eyes so big that you already regretted everything. Luna and Brian were pretty chill though..you thought they were gonna reach for both of your throats..

Nobody said anything so shawn continued. "And we're kinda engaged..." That's when they flipped!

Connor's eyes widened so big that it actually scared you. You was ready to hear all the "Why didn't you tell me?!?!?" Type of shit but instead you heard the familiar sound of palms colliding with each other.

They all were clapping and Teddy had a few tears running down her face.

The 5 of them stood up and so did you and shawn and now we're engulfing you both in a group hug.

"Congrats!!!" Geoff screamed.

"Didn't I tell you bruh..they had something fishy going on?" Brian said nudging Luna's side and she laughed at him with a very non angry look on her face. This is not what you expected.

"You both are cute together ya know" Connor said smirking at shawn and me.

"My besties are in LOVE!! And they never told me" luna said dramatically falling on her knees.

"I'm so happy for you both!! I low-key shipped you both" Teddy said smiling at us.

"You both are excused for now but you gotta make it upto us for not telling us that you both have been dating for what? like...3 years" Brian said and you looked at Shawn weird. It was time for you to widen you eyes now.

"How did you know it's been 3 years?"

The whole group laughed at you both.

"Aww come on!! y'all aren't that sleek. I mean.. we've noticed some stuff like how shawn takes 'extra' care of you and always brings you stuff even if you don't ask when that man is known for always forgetting stuff even if we remind him a 1000 times!!" Geoff said and you both of you blushed like little toddlers and you mentally faced palmed yourself for thinking you were being sly.

"So tell us the details! We deserve that!" Luna said pulling both of us to sit on the couch while the others stood. The truth or dare long forgotten. The relief you felt was endless! You looked at Shawn and he looked at you with flushed cheeks and took your hand in his and looked at the ring that symbolised that you were gonna get him last name soon. Aahhhh!! You were so happy right now.

You had him and now that everyone knew you didn't have to hold back so you didn't and pulled him in for a sweet kiss which earned many 'aawww!!' s and some "ewww!!'s from your friends. He kissed you back with the same amount of passion and it gave you a lovely whiplash like it always did. You were not a fan of PDA but you wanted to freely kiss him right there.

"I love you so much" shawn said when you pulled away and for a moment you forgot y'alls friends were there.

"Aye! First up you don't tell us and now y'all are showing it in our face!? No fair!"

[generallybarzy]

smile like sunshine vi

Thursday: ~ 9.2k words

previous chapters: i // ii // iii // iv // v

an: writing this was tough on me. I’ve obviously been through a lot of ups and downs while trying to write this, considering it took like 4 months to finish. Continuously losing inspiration and motivation and hitting writer’s block too many times was tough. The chapters keep getting longer and I feel like there are less and less notes everytime. It hurts to see my favorite fic do so poorly, so I've been hesitating to post this. But it’s finally here, and there are only 2 chapters left. Now, let’s see how few notes this gets. Thank you to my beautiful amazing editor/bestie @folkloreflyers I couldn't have done this without you bb 🥰💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

tagging some beautiful people: @sunflowertimothee @deleausvp @dunnwithlyfe @smit41 @softboybarzal @fallinallincurls @matbaerzal @brokeninsidebutnobodyknows @hockeyhughes11 @folkloreflyers @nazdaddy @shawnsreputation

summary: after everything that happened last night, Mat and Y/N realize they probably need some time apart to regroup with their thoughts and emotions and prevent themselves from pushing the boundaries of their friendship so far that they’d never return to normal. It’s 2019, eleven years after you first befriended him, and things are definitely different this time around...

If there was ever a time when you wanted to slip away into the memory of what you once had with Mathew: an amazing friendship, not overshadowed or blurred by stupid hormones and growing feelings, it was now.

It was almost tragic to think about how you’d lost all that time and could never go back to the days when you were completely carefree and nothing could bring you down. Those hot, summer days with Mat when watermelon juice and sticky, sugary ice pops dripped down your hands, and your faces were burnt in the sun were long gone. You’d never be like that again. No matter how often you dreamt of it, thought of it, and buried yourself in memories of that summer to block out the worries of adult life, you couldn’t get it back.

The sun was going down on your second to last night at the beach, as you sat by Mat in the sand, giggling as the water lapped at your toes and digging up handfuls of the tiny coquina clams burrowing in the sand- not that you knew what they were called, but did it matter? Your parents sat further back onshore, talking around a fire and watching the younger children, and you and Mat, like always, were left to entertain yourselves. But you wouldn’t have it any other way. No, you loved spending time with him.

You didn’t realize that your time with Mat was coming to an end. You weren’t sure what day of the week it was, where you were, or when you were leaving, but that didn’t matter. Not then.

“Are you having fun with Mat?” Your mom had asked you earlier in the day.

“Yeah, he’s my best friend!”

“Well,” Your mom laughed. “Why don’t you go have some more fun with him. Cherish your time, we won't be here forever.”

You didn't quite understand the weight of her words, but cherish him, you did. The two of you were attached at the hip, to both your parent's amusement, and after only a week of friendship now, your parents could hardly separate you two. 

“Ugh, younger siblings are so annoying." You groaned in agreement to Mat's statement and fell back in the sand when you looked back and saw your baby siblings sucking up all your parents’ attention.

"Yeah, 'cause they're smaller and cuter than us." 

"No, that's not true!” Mat shook his head, dark hair flopping around in the breeze, hazel eyes wide. “You're still pretty cute." 

"Ewwww, Mat!" 

"So am I, my nonna told me!" You laughed at him. Only a week into knowing each other and he could already make you laugh better than any of your friends at school. "So that's not it."

"Well, they always have all the attention. I'm so bored and lonely sometimes." 

"Nuh-uh, you have me. I'm always here to hang out!" He wrapped his arms around your shoulders, his small, sand-covered arms, and neither of you noticed both of your parents watching from the campfire. As wise as they were, they knew that if you had been a few years older, this would’ve been too much for them to handle. And little did you and Mat know, at only ten and eleven years old, but you were about to be separated for eleven years. 

“Friends forever?”

“Forever! I’ll always be here!”

“Promise?” You stuck out your pinky, and Mat linked it happily with his own, smiling that gleaming smile. 

“Promise.”

You had fucked up something amazing.

You woke up early with a pounding headache right as the sun began to beam in through your window, hitting your face in the worst possible way. You’d never so hated the sound of the ocean, but right now, it was just… too much. Too loud. For the first time since you had arrived at the beach, you didn’t wake up smiling and excited to be here, but instead dizzy and confused, questioning what had happened last night, and filled with dread at the thought of having to face the day. And, when you realized what you’d done in your drunken stupor, regret immediately began gnawing away at your mind. 

You had fucked up bad.

You buried your face under your pillows to try and drown out the pounding noises in your ears as the image of yourself flooded to your brain, absolutely wasted and stumbling, pushing your body into his, pushing your mouth onto Mat’s and kissing him. It was drunken, messy, and definitely not the way you'd imagined many, many times, your first kiss with him to be. It wasn't magical and beautiful and gentle and sweet, but drunk and sloppy and one-sided. Unreciprocated. You couldn't stop thinking about his reaction. He hadn’t kissed you back, his hands didn’t cup your face gently and pull you flush against his warm body the way you imagined, but instead pushed you away and held you between his arms and looked at you. He hadn’t even smiled or laughed and brushed it off afterward. He must have been disgusted with your actions, he must have wanted to yell at you, ask “What are you doing?” but understood that you were drunk and settled for pushing you away. He'd confront you today, tell you that he couldn't look at you the same way after what happened, tell you that he no longer wanted to be friends. That when you’d get back to New York, you would never speak to each other again.

Fuck.

“(YN)!” The pounding on your door made you cringe and groan. Well, it might not have been pounding, but it certainly sounded like it, as your head throbbed in agitation. “Wake up honey!”

You groaned and rolled over in bed.

She cracked the door open as quietly as possible, showing a little bit of sympathy, which you were thankful for. “Hungover?” Your groan was enough of a response for her. “You’re not gonna get better lying in here, come out.” When you still didn’t answer, she continued. “I’ll be louder next time I have to come in to get you.” And then she left you to drag yourself out of your lethargic state.

Well, fuck, you thought as you cast a glance out the window where the sun was rising over the ocean, might as well get up and face the day, no point in hiding. You needed to get some fresh air, maybe some alone time on the beach before Mat gets up. You needed to talk to someone about what happened, you couldn’t keep this to yourself, but who would you tell? Not your mom, no one in your family actually. Sure, you were close, but you weren’t gonna tell them about your drunken mistake- how you kissed your best friend. Best friend. Your best friend- all the way back in New York City, who always helped get you out there, was the reason you ever reconnected with Mat in the first place, and would definitely be your maid of honor in the future- would definitely want to know about your kiss with Mat Barzal. 

“Amy…”

You reached over to the bedside table for your phone and the first thing you noticed, after pressing the power button, was an unread text from none other than Mat Barzal, sent at 1:38 am, probably when you got home last night:

Maty: Hope you don’t feel too bad when you wake up.

It was strange, it was unlike him to leave such a message. Yeah, he always checked in and texted you saying he hopes you’re feeling good, but there was no “sleep tight” or anything funny or cute and not even a smiley emoji like usual. Well, in his defense, you had just kissed him. Of course, he’d feel weird around you. 

You sent a quick text to Amy, who you hadn’t spoken to since the beginning of the trip now, and who must have been dying to know anything that happened between you and Mat. She would probably be happy you kissed him, bless her heart, she was in love with your friendship with Mat and the story of how you came to meet, but you needed someone to listen seriously to your problem and help you.

It’d be at least another hour until Mat gets up, you guessed, so, with much hesitation, you dragged yourself out of bed and to the bathroom where you steadied yourself on the sink as your head spun, washed your face, and caught a glance of yourself in the mirror, running a hand through your hair to smooth it down before opening your door to face the day. 

The first thing you noticed, even in your state, was the smell of coffee and breakfast from the kitchen. Usually, you loved that scent, but today it made you want to puke, and as you sat down at the island in the kitchen, you dropped your head into your arms and groaned.

“Rough night?” 

“Pretty bad.” 

The sound of a water bottle being set down in front of you was much louder than it should’ve been. “Drink, it’ll make you feel better.” You took a sip of water and laid down on your arms again, going back to suffering in silence and wracking your head over trying to figure out any possible way out of this sticky situation. “What else is wrong?” You looked up to where your mom was making knowing eyes in your direction. You were close to your mom, sure, you thought you had a pretty good relationship with her, but you were positive you didn’t want to tell her what you had done last night. At least, not now. You knew the news would eventually get to your dad, and you couldn’t imagine what would happen if he found out. 

Hopefully staying pretty ambiguous would save you. “I think Mat’s mad at me.” 

“I doubt it. The boy adores you.” You wanted to tell her no, that’s gross, you’re only friends, but something made you stop. Mat did adore you. He was always there for you, he was the greatest friend ever, and how do you repay him? By kissing him and screwing up both of your feelings? “What makes you think he’s mad?”

“I think I did something stupid last night. Said something dumb when I was drunk. And he sent me a text before bed last night that didn't sound like how he usually does.”

“Well, you won’t know until you talk to him. It won’t be any good to ignore him for the rest of the trip” Fuck, why did her advice have to be good words of wisdom? 

A door rattled open from down the hall and there was Mat, rubbing his face, his hair falling into his eyes, as he crossed the hallway into the bathroom. He cast a glance to the kitchen, locking eyes with you for half a second before he was gone.

You knew he’d be getting up now, so, grabbing your water bottle and phone, you made your way to the back door to avoid any alone time with him. “I’m gonna get some fresh air.” And you headed out the back door and down onto the beach.

Amy had texted you back by now, telling you to call her right away, and you took the moment to reflect, walking down to the water’s edge and just looking out. The early morning heat was cooling down, the sun had barely risen and already dark clouds were rolling in from the horizon, the rain was coming, maybe even a storm in the next hour or so. Sure, you may have made your friendship awkward, but for now, you’re still friends. At least until he comes out to confront you. So until then, you were gonna be proud. You had kissed him. His lips were just as soft and nice as you expected them to be, and his face pressed against yours was something you could get used to. Unfortunately, that scenario was unlikely. 

Your heart raced when you started connecting the video call, and you couldn’t help a smile from spreading over your face for the first time all morning. Yesterday, besides the mistake you’d made, was easily one of the best days of your life. Mat took you out to the pier because he remembered you loved it when you were younger, he remembered he promised to teach you to skate, he even remembered your favorite ice cream flavor. And, despite how much you regretted kissing him, you had kissed him. You had kissed Mat. God, Amy is gonna be fucking ecstatic for you.

“Haven’t heard from you in a while.” 

“Ames, I’m sorry for not calling sooner-”

“Are you kidding?” She laughed, always a welcome sound, and you knew she wasn’t upset. “You’re on vacation with Mat fucking Barzal. But now that I have you for a few minutes, girl, spill. All. The. Details. Now.” 

“Yeah,” You laughed at her words. All the details? “He took me out to the pier yesterday for my birthday. We roller-skated together and held hands.”

“Oh my god, seriously? That’s so fucking cute!” You winced at the way she shrieked in joy for you, your head still pounding as you tried to overcome the hangover. Amy immediately noticed your change and lowered her voice. “Girl, are you hungover?”

“You tell me. I’m twenty-one now, aren’t I?” Before she could start talking again, you continued, figuring it would be easier to just get all your words out there and over with. Rip off the bandaid. “Actually, I did something really bad last night. When I was drunk.”

“Oh shit. Spill!”

“I…” You couldn’t help the small smile on your face. As much as you hated the realistic part of this, you were still overjoyed it had happened. You shook your head and pushed on. “I kissed Mat.” 

It was almost comical how your friend’s jaw dropped and her eyes widened. It almost made you laugh, it had a little smile pulling at your face. Holy shit, it was still sinking in that you’d kissed Mat.  “Oh… my god. You kissed Mat. You kissed Mat Barzal. How was it?”

“Well, messy. I was drunk, he didn’t kiss back at all. But focus on the realistic part, Ames. I made it awkward.”

“Oooh…”

“How are we gonna be friends after this? He’s gonna hate me, he’s gonna wanna leave, he’s never gonna want to talk to me again. He must think I’m so dumb-”

“Babe, listen, he doesn’t think any of that. He’s head over heels for you. If not in love, then in platonic love at least.” 

“Now you’re sounding like my mom.”

“I hate to say it, but I actually agree with her then.” You sighed. As much as you wanted to listen to them, maybe the realistic side of your brain was just too powerful. “Mat has done stupid things around you when he was drunk. Remember the karaoke night? He was so fucking embarrassed in the morning.”

“Yeah, but he never kissed me.” He never kissed you, not once. Not even when you desperately wanted him to, when he was drunk or Christmas Eve, or New Years’, or his birthday, not even when you practically created chances to get close to him, not even when you kissed him.  No matter how much you wanted it, life isn’t a love song. “Look, things don’t just work out like in romance novels. Some things don’t get to last beyond one summer. Sometimes this shit just doesn’t happen. Sometimes it’s just a feeling.”

“It’s only a feeling ‘til you make it more.”

“Shut uuuup. He hasn’t spoken to me since then. He’s obviously upset.”

“Have you tried to talk with him?”

“I mean…” 

“So you haven’t. C’mon, you gotta at least ask him about it.”

“Okay, but if I ask him how he feels he might say he doesn’t want to be friends. If I avoid him completely, he can’t break off the friendship, right?” Before she could respond, you rambled on, maybe to her, maybe just to yourself. Sometimes it’s good to just talk yourself out of something. “We’ve become such good friends in the last year and I really don’t want to lose him because of something stupid that I did while drunk. I feel like I messed everything up.” 

“Babe, babe. You didn’t mess anything up.” Ames smiled at you over the phone as thunder rumbled in the distance. “This isn’t gonna drive him away, okay? He’s in too deep already. Trust me.”

“Alright, we’ll see.” 

And you would see. But now, you had to go to the porch, already feeling raindrops drip from the looming clouds above. The storm was rolling in. And it was coming fast.

------------

Even before Mat’s eyes opened that morning, his mind was racing.

He rolled onto his side in bed, eyeing the pillow he had been hugging against him all night. It was as if he was a child who needed a teddy bear to fall asleep, and he hated how vulnerable you made him feel. But rather, you were his teddy bear and after that night in the motel, he couldn’t sleep without some sort of faux version of you that would never compare. Not to your warmth, your softness, your heartbeat against his chest, the soft sighs of breath against his neck. You had messed him up bad. You had kissed him, and it’s unnecessary to think it needs explaining why he was so confused. “I had a dream about you last night. We were really goin’ at it. You were really good, like, really good.” What had you meant by it? Was it just a dumb mistake? Or is what they say true: “Drunk words are sober thoughts”? The moment your lips touched his last night, he was flooded with serotonin. It was… well, maybe not perfect, but more than he could ever hope for. More than he thought he would ever get. 

He wanted it so bad, he wanted it for months now, but he wanted it sober. He wanted you to know what you were doing. He wanted you to mean it. He didn’t want it like last night.

He pushed himself up, hearing the muffled conversation from the kitchen. He knew it was you and your mom, and, though he couldn’t hear any clear words, he couldn’t help but realize that the conversation had to be about him, and for a moment he was strangely self-conscious. It was an unfamiliar feeling for him, but he was embarrassed, even ashamed he had let anything happen last night. 

He shouldn’t have let you get so drunk.

The moment he opened the door and stepped into the hallway, the conversation came to an abrupt stop. He glanced up into the kitchen, where he immediately caught your gaze, noting how much of a wreck you were this morning. He couldn’t help the way he rushed into the bathroom before you could say anything. 

He heard you say something about “fresh air” and then the back door opened and closed, he finished up his morning routine and rushed back into his room. He’d barely even sat back down in bed when there was a pounding on his bedroom door that was a lot less than friendly. 

“Mathew!”       

Your dad was gonna fucking kill him.

It was safe to say he’d never been more afraid as he jumped to his feet and stepped over to the door, debating on pulling out his phone to send a final “Goodbye, I love you” texts to you, his friends, and family. But there didn’t seem to be any time for that, as the pounding on his door increased. Sucking up a deep breath, he opened it and was greeted by the face of your father with crossed arms and a scowl. He could only choke out a terrified “Yes, sir?”, sounding like a pathetic teen boy caught in a girl’s room.

“(Y/N)”s upset.” 

"I-"

"I don't know why that is, but something tells me you have something to do with it." Mat went silent, trying to figure out what he could say. You were upset? Were you upset with yourself, or with him? He had stopped your kiss, brought you home, got you water, and tucked you into your bed, what had he done wrong? “She thinks you’re angry at her.”

“Why would I be-?”

“Mathew.” The boy closed his mouth when your father put a hand on his shoulder, pushing him over towards the bed. “Sit.” Mat nodded quickly and sat on the edge of the bed, flattening his hands on his thighs awkwardly and waiting for the lecture to start. “Listen, I don’t know what’s happening between the two of you, but I can see how much you mean to her. I know I shouldn’t be too hard on you, but I just need to make sure you’re going to treat her right.” Mat couldn’t help the smile that lit up his face momentarily. He was in the middle of opening his mouth to say thank you when your father rambled on, eyes narrowed, examining the boy in front of him. “(Y/N) has been hurt a lot in the past, and I’ve tried to help. It’s not my place to mess with her love life anymore. She’s not a baby. But the least I can do is make this right. I still remember what you said on our first day here. You like my daughter?”  

He nodded enthusiastically. “I really do. A lot.”

“Good. So then you didn’t mean to hurt her?” 

Mat’s head shook frantically, wracking his brain for what he might’ve done. “Absolutely not. I don’t know why she is, I don’t think I did anything wrong.”

 “I’ve seen her hurt so many times, and I’m gonna trust that you’ll treat her right. Now, I don’t know what happened between the two of you, and I’m not going to ask. That’s between you two. But she thinks you’re angry, you’re obviously not, and you need to fix it.” 

“I know, I promise I will. I’ll make her so happy, I swear to God, I promise you.”

The older man continued to look at his daughter’s friend for a few long, tense seconds, but Mat’s eyes gave everything away with no hesitation. His feelings were genuine, he truly, truly cared. He wasn’t lying. Slowly, he nodded, and Mat’s face lifted in a cautious smile. Was this… approval? Was this your father’s blessing? Your father slapped his hand on Mat’s back. “There’s something else I want to show you. C’mon, Mat.”

-----------

You sat alone on the porch with your little pile of shells, watching the rain pour down beyond the porch, watching the waves continue through the storm, always pushing and pulling despite the circumstances. And as you threaded shell after shell onto your little braided bracelet, you couldn’t help but let your mind wander. 

It was the summer of 2015, you were sitting on the passenger side of his dad’s car, the wind in your hair and OMI's 'Cheerleader' playing on the radio. You had just turned 17 and were trying to live your best life on the coast with your new friends, forgetting about any of your responsibilities and just chilling for this trip. You might have been getting involved in the wrong crowd, but you couldn’t care less. You had your friends, you had your newfound teenage freedom, and, most importantly, you had him.

When you first met him, at the beginning of the summer, he was new to your group of friends. But he immediately seemed to take a liking to you. 

“You’re different.” He would whisper in your ear as you sat around the campfire with your friends before breaking away from the group to go make out by the cliffs. “There’s just something about you.” He would say as his hands glided over your swimsuit under the water, hidden from your other friends eyes. He knew just the right words to say to have you sinking into him, giving in, And you were stupid to follow him.

In the back of your head, this party was a stupid idea, but it was summer, you were young, he was hot, you had to live your life. What was the worst that could happen?

Kyle was behind the wheel of his dad’s car- maybe he had taken it without his permission, maybe not, who knows?- his beachy blonde waves blowing in the breeze and his blue eyes sparkling behind dark sunglasses. His hand was on your thigh, he was always touching you in some way, but what you didn’t know was that you weren’t his only girl for the summer. He wasn’t trying to hide it, all the signs were there, but you were too carefree to notice. 

The car came to a stop and you both jumped out, locking arms around each other before running over to the steamy, crowded party atmosphere.

Really, what was the worst that could happen?

You were sitting there lamenting over your past, nursing a cup of coffee and staring out into the thunder and rain, fidgeting with the object closed in your fist when the door opened down the porch. And when you looked up, of course, you were met by the man himself, wearing a lightweight gray hoodie, the hood pulled up over his dark waves of hair. “Hey Y/N.”

“Mat.” 

There was a moment of silence, perhaps for your damaged friendship or perhaps for the growing feelings that neither of you believed were reciprocated, as you both stayed in place, not knowing what to do or say to the right things to make it better. You let the silence, the tension settle uncomfortably between the two of you as the rain pounded as heavily as your hearts. Mat stayed in place where he was standing at the doorway, not wanting to come any closer. Whether it was because he was upset and grossed out or something else, you couldn’t tell, but you needed the silence to end. “Mat, I’m so sorry about last night. I didn’t mean- I was just, I was drunk and I couldn’t think straight-”

“Hey, hey. No big deal.”

“No, it was so uncalled for, I-”

“Hey, (Y/N), I’ve had people kiss me while drunk before.” He gave you a reassuring smile, but something was missing. Something genuine. That sparkle was missing from his eye and the sunshine was missing from his smile.. Something had definitely changed. Something definitely wouldn’t go back to normal. “Seriously. It’s nothing.” He swore. Cross his heart. Something was definitely wrong, but you weren’t going to bring it up. If he was alright with moving past this, so were you. “You don’t have to feel bad at all.”

“Promise?”

 “Promise. Friends?” He stuck out his pinky for you. 

You smiled at the gesture that threw you back to your childhood and accepted it happily, despite the twinge of guilt and fear in your chest. “Yeah, friends.” 

“Good. I’m glad.” Mat smiled, taking a seat next to you, pretending everything was normal. “I like being friends with you.” He was shouting at himself in his head, this is so fake, so forced. But he would rather force the comfort than not have you in his life at all. And then the silence was back.

The silence was painful, filled with unspoken words- words you could never say aloud- and both of you knew. You weren’t sure if the rain was picking up or it had just become so overwhelming between the two of you that you were hyper fixating on the patter patter patter of raindrops against the porch roof. Friends. Friends. If this is what it's like to be Mat's friend, you could only wonder what it would be like to have him as your own, to be his, to hug him and kiss him and protect him and have him do the same to you.

“I, uhhh.” You glanced over to see Mat’s eyes already dead set on you, and you wondered if he had been staring the whole time. You were almost shy as you opened your fist to him. “I finished it.”

“Woah.”

"Yeah, you like it?" 

“I love it.” Mat took the bracelet with delicate fingers, as if afraid he was going to break it, and slid it onto his wrist gently. A perfect fit. "It's amazing. You're really talented. Seriously. " His eyes were unbelievably soft as he gazed at the pretty shells you had worked so hard to braid together for him. All for him, from you. “I’ll never take it off.” 

"Oh, never?"

"I'm dead serious." 

Your heart throbbed in your chest. The idea of him wearing this bracelet you had worked so hard on, even when plagued by the thought that maybe he wouldn't want to be friends at all anymore, just had you so overwhelmed. The idea of him wearing something you made for him, something so personal, as if it was there to constantly remind him of this summer, of you. Like it was a cute inside joke no one else would ever understand, made your heart ache. It was as if you were claiming him, as if he was claiming you as one of his best friends, one of the few people that got a glimpse into his private life. You were special.

“I’m serious.” He repeated. “Honest. I love it.” 

“Thank you, Mat.”

His arm fell heavily but gently across your shoulders as he tucked you closer into his body, and something about the weight of it against you was comforting, a reminder that he was still there no matter what and he would always be there no matter what. Mat was resilient, and no matter how much you wanted to push him away, he was here. He was your friend. Forever, and through anything.

"Hey," Mat broke the silence. "I have something for you, too." 

"Yeah?" 

"Consider it a late birthday gift."

"Mat, you've already gotten me so much-" 

"Ah, ah. Your dad actually found these. I'm just presenting them." Before you had a chance to ask or even wonder what it could be, Mat was pulling some flimsy rectangles from his hoodie pocket. 

"Are these...?"

"From that summer." Mat finished with a smile, letting you take them from his hands. 

"No way." 

There in your hands were photographs your parents took of you and Mat, ten and eleven years old. The two of you were standing close, Mat’s arm around your shoulders and squeezing you into his hug, both of your faces lit up with wide smiles. You were so close that summer and you weren’t sure how your parents dealt with the two of you. That picture captured a moment of childish joy and innocence- grinning brightly in mid laughter as you built your final sandcastle of the summer together. LIttle did you know, back then, but the next morning, you’d be leaving, leaving your summer-long friendship behind.  

“Look at us.” Mat’s voice was tender, gentle as he leaned in closer and you fingered through the pictures. “I can’t believe we were so small.”

“I can’t believe you still smile the same, Maty.”

He laughed at the nickname that threw him back to that first summer. He quieted down for a few moments as you flipped through the rest of the pictures, his fingers drumming softly on your arm. “I still can’t believe we found each other.”

“I know.”

You could hear your heartbeat pounding against your ribcage as Mat leaned in closer to look at the pictures with you. Your breath hitched in your throat and you stopped suddenly as one picture caught your attention- the family picture taken that year, with both your family and the Barzals posing together as friends. But what really stuck out to you was the way Mat’s face was pressed up against your cheek, in the most innocent, childish kiss you’ve ever seen. 

“Wow, look at that.” Mat chuckled a bit through his words, his eyes soft behind you. He didn’t remember kissing you at eleven years old, but seeing that picture brought sparks to his veins and had memories flooding back to his mind. It was you. You hadn’t just been his first crush, but his first kiss as well. “We’ve come pretty far, eh?” Your silence was almost painful to him, and he couldn’t help the way his face fell. Wrong thing to say, wrong thing to say, oh god oh god oh god.

“Yeah, we have.” 

He smiled again as your voice filled his ears. 

“Do you remember that place, Mat?” His eyes followed your finger as you traced the rocky cliffs in the background of the photo. Oh, did he remember. The little hidden beach, surrounded on three sides by rocky cliffs and sandy dunes and the little ocean inlet shallow and warm and perfect for swimming in, was a beautiful place that immediately brought back memories. You had first found that place on a family walk, and Mat had dared you to jump off the cliffs into the water with him. Of course you didn’t end up jumping, as neither of your parents let you out of their sight. 

“It’s our little hideaway.” 

“Yeah.” You sat in silence for a moment, in awe that you had such a private little place with him, and noticed how the rain was slowing down. “When it stops raining, do you want to walk there tonight?” 

“Absolutely. As much as I love your family, I’ve been dying to spend some time with my girl again.” 

My girl. My girl. My girl. Too much? 

But the smile on your face reassured him. “I wanna spend more time with you too, Mat.” You threw your arm around his shoulders in an act you thought was sweet, but regretted it and drew back your arm as soon as he let out a sharp hiss. “What’s wrong?” 

“Ah, nothing.” 

“You’re sunburnt, aren’t you?” 

“No, no, it’s not bad.”

“Mat, I told you you’d get burnt!” He was quiet, red faced, and you weren’t sure if all the red was from the burn or embarrassment. “Let me see.” 

“I’m fine.” 

“Mathew!” 

“I promise.” But you stood up, always just as stubborn as him, photographs in hand, and held your hand out to him. He looked up at you, amused. Oh what you did to him.

 “Come on. We’ll fix you up, dummy.” 

Mat laughed and shook his head before giving in, his palm sliding into yours and following you obediently back into the house. 

-------------

The rainclouds had finally cleared, though it was too late in the day to get any sunlight in, and instead the vast blanket of stars were already beginning to twinkle overhead when you and Mathew headed out after the family dinner. 

“Mat, look at all the stars tonight!”

“You still love them as much as always, yeah?”

“Of course!” 

Mat watched you, adoration evident in his eyes, as you gazed up at the sky in awe. He had to agree. There weren’t stars like this in the city, not even in his hometown. This little oceanfront town didn’t produce enough light to block out the beautiful heavens above. But, his eyes were still fixated on you, on the wonder in your eyes and the way you were so soft and amazing in everything you do. The moon could be falling, for all he cared, there could be a literal alien spaceship in front of them, but all he could see was you. “Beautiful.” 

“They look best after it storms, I think.” 

“Yeah?” Mat could do nothing but nod along, too lost in his own thoughts to find words to say. He hoped he didn’t seem too boring, but walking there, hand in hand with you and feet in the warm sand, his mind couldn’t help but wander. What if you loved me, (Y/N)?

“I think I wanna be a constellation when I die.”

“That’s-” Mat laughed a bit louder than he meant to at your sudden confession, and stumbled to pull himself back together. “That’s a little grim to talk about, isn’t it?” 

“I mean, I just think stars are so pretty, and I’d just love to be twinkling up there, looking down on people. Plus, I’m more of a night person anyway.” You smiled, and Mat’s heart fluttered in his chest. “What about you? If you were reincarnated as something? Maybe… ice? So you could live and die with hockey like you do right now?”

Mat didn’t even need to think for a second, he knew his answer immediately. Stars, stars, I’d lie in the stars with you, spend all eternity by your side. I’d drop hockey, all the wins and the trophies and the attention. I’d drop it all for you. “Yeah, that’d be pretty cool.” 

You walked, hand in hand, down the length of the beach, until you could no longer look back and see your house. Until houses no longer speckled the shore, and instead it was just you, Mat, the ocean and the stars, in your own little world. The shore rose beside you, and after walking around a little bend, you were suddenly hidden away in a little sandy inlet, rocky cliffs surrounding you on three sides, and the ocean, gentle and lapping on the other. 

“Here it is.”

“Looks the same as when we were young.” Your hand slipped out of his, just for a moment, to pull out your phone. “Smile, Mat.” His face lit up, not in one of the dazzling smiles you remember and loved so much, but a softer, gentler little smirk.

“Before and after pic, huh?”

“Yeah.”

For a few moments, his eyes gleamed in mischief, and you should’ve known what was coming.

“You know what? You still never jumped off the dock at the fishing spot with me. But I can think of something that would be even more fun.” You were about to ask what, but the smirk on his face as he glanced towards the cliffs and raised a hand to motion towards it should’ve told you that nothing innocent was coming. “Remember that dare?”

“Oh my god.” You laughed at the excited look on his face.

“Let’s jump off that rock.” 

“Are you the bad influence my parents always warned me about? Who asks if I’ll jump off a bridge with them?”

He laughed, loud and boisterous and bouncing around the sandy dunes and cliffs that hid you away from the rest of the world. “Maybe I am.” And then he stretched his arms above his head and tossed his shirt to the sand, the muscles of his now bare chest and shoulders shining in the pale moonlight, watching with a giddy smile as you looked him over with an incredulous laugh. He took a few strides back towards the rocks, giving you an enticing smirk and luring you out to him like a siren with his song. “So? You coming in or what?” You should’ve turned back right there; you should’ve recognized the signs and listened to your head rather than your heart, your hormones, and turned back to shore and ran, left him here alone instead of stepping over this boundary- scratch that, fucking barrelling through this boundary like it was a race to finish- but you didn’t. You stayed. Worse yet, you stepped towards him, foolishly, blinded by that goddamn stupid smile. 

No, no, you really shouldn’t. But you were so fucked for him, for that smile, for that cocky little “gotcha” laugh that he always did when you followed him so blindly, without any hesitation. You were so in love. Fuck it.

“Unfortunately, Maty, I’d follow you anywhere.”

There was a rocky path leading from the sand up the side of the cliff, a natural staircase, or so it had seemed when you were younger and more imaginative. Mat grabbed your hand to help you up, his palm big and heavy against your own, and you couldn’t help but wonder how you used to make it up here as children. 

At the top, your eyes met the most beautiful sight, and, for once, it wasn’t just the man standing next to you. The moon had risen over the ocean, casting its cool glow across miles and miles of water. The water was dark and blue and lapping gently at the pool below you, and the air was still warm, though the rocks beneath your feet were finally cooling off. You both watched in silence for a few moments, taking in all the beauty of the scene before you and forgetting all about his hand in yours. 

“It’s certainly a lot smaller than I remember.” It was true, the rock definitely wasn’t as high as you pictured it to be. It was a high cliff, sure, but standing atop it was much less intimidating than facing your feelings for Mat. 

“Yeah, well, you were a lot smaller eleven years ago too.”

He snickered, his hand squeezing yours, perhaps subconsciously, or maybe in realization, he’d still been holding it. But he still didn’t let go, and neither did you. His face was warm, not that you’d ever notice, not in the dark. “Well, you’re about the same size.”

“Mat! Not true!”

“Yeah, it is.” He pulled you against his side like he always did in a little half-hug and laughed that beautiful laugh of his. After a few more moments of smiling silence, Mat hummed in thought. “Ya know what? I know what would make this jump a lot more fun.”

“Yeah, what’s that?”

“Skinny dipping.” 

Your heart almost stopped when the words passed his lips. You hesitated to respond, laughing a little bit. “No, you’re not serious.”

“Yeah, I mean, no one can see us out here. There are no houses nearby. Only us.” It was tempting, so, so tempting, and Mat could tell you were right on the edge of saying yes. You were. “Listen, I’ll stay far away from you the whole time and I won’t even look at you, I promise. But we’re leaving soon, we'll probably never get another chance at this exact spot, and we’re twenty-one, twenty-two, let’s do something reckless. Let’s be stupid together. Yeah?”

You bit your lip, and Mat would never admit to you how much you turned him on at that moment alone, but he stored that image away for later tonight. You were considering it, but both you and Mat already knew you had made up your mind long ago.  

“Sure.”

“Yeah?”

You laughed, the excitement of doing something so scandalous and dangerous and intimate with him finally settling in. Mat smiled back at you, you both laughed and looked at each other with complete reckless abandon. There was nothing else to lose after this. Easily every shred of friendship would be gone. You couldn’t be just friends anymore. “Let’s be reckless.”

“Let’s go, baby!” 

“You first, though.” You stepped away from him and motioned towards his shorts, your heart pounding and cheeks hot. The smile on his face should’ve warned you that he wasn’t playing around here, but for some reason, you were still shocked at what he did next.

“Alright, fine.” You could feel a slickness between your thighs as he hooked his fingers in the waistband of his shorts and smirked as he shimmied them down, making a great show of swaying his hips and biting his lip, trying and succeeding to be as sexy as possible. And though you jokingly laughed and pleaded for him to stop, the dull ache in your core only worsened when you caught just a glimpse of what lay beneath the fabric, at the end of that V shape in his hips. Your eyes shot up to the sky, your face red hot and shy when he lifted his swim trunks as proof and flung them towards your feet. 

“Ew, Mat!”

“Come on, your turn!” Your heart pounded and you couldn’t help the wave of self-consciousness. But Mat’s smile was addictive, and he made you so comfortable, comfortable enough to have you pulling Mat's hoodie over your head, letting it fall by your ankles and leaving you in your bikini.

“Turn around, Mat.” 

He raised his hands in surrender and smiled as he turned, and you couldn’t help but glance- for just one second- down at his toned thighs and ass. Wow…. “I know you’re staring, y/n/n.” 

“Wha- no!” 

“I don’t mind, babe. Look wherever you want. I'm all yours.” And his body shook with laughter as you undid the string of your top and slipped out of your bottoms and tossed the fabric towards his feet. You could see him do a double-take at the sight, as if he didn't believe you were serious about skinny dipping, but you couldn’t bring yourself to laugh, to busy marveling at his physique, the dark swoop of hair he kept running his hand through- a nervous habit you’d recognized as far back as 2008- the muscles of his back and shoulders, the dip at the small of his back, his toned ass, his thighs... He wasn’t even looking at you, but there was something about how you were so bare, so vulnerable, so close to him. Just the idea of his body and yours being so close and so primal, so exposed, and about to take this leap… something was stirring up a fire, a fire you'd put out later. Your fingers slipped down between your thighs momentarily, marveling at how hot Mat made you before they wiped hastily on your thigh and you stored those memories away for later that night. Your other hand curled into Mat’s again, and his fingers squeezed around yours at the contact, as if it was the most natural thing to do. The only thing against his body, besides your own skin, was the bracelet you had put all your love and energy into, all for him, and now you were standing on the edge, taking a final breath. About to jump. About to fall with him as hard as you’d already fallen for him.  

“You ready, Maty?”

“I think I should be asking you, pretty girl.” 

You hesitated, still a little nervous, trying to build up that excitement. “Countdown?” 

“Course. After three. Say it with me?”

“Okay." Your thumb smoothed over his hand, tightening your grip. "Three.”

“Two.” He squeezed back.

“One.” 

Mat gave a final, devilish smirk as he whispered “Jump.” and, with one of his iconic howls, your feet were off the ground. 

You felt so free, so vulnerable, so exposed, falling naked through the cool air, hands clammy and grasped against each other, shrieking in excitement and adventure. You had bared yourself to Mat, you had stripped yourself of any fears and leaped with him, as if each article of clothing that hit the ground was another shedded insecurity, another forgotten reason for hesitation. You’d pushed the boundaries until they couldn’t go any further, then said “fuck it” and tore the boundary away. There was a brief moment of fear as you hit the cold water, but the moment you resurfaced with a gasp to see Mat’s smiling face, his hair dark and saturated, dripping into his eyes, you couldn’t help but laugh. 

You'd done it.

"Wow!"

“Right?” 

Your combined laughter filled the little inlet with squeals of glee as you splashed around with Mat. It wasn’t too deep, but deep enough that your feet couldn’t touch the bottom, and you instinctively gravitated towards Mat. You moved closer toward him, maybe subconsciously, as if your body craved his more than your mind would ever be able to comprehend. As if you were pulled to him by some force you couldn't control, the same way you'd found each other after 10 years apart, how you'd found yourselves here again, so close, so opened up and bare before each other, even after you'd both thought you'd wrecked any chances. How you had found the sunshine in Mat's smile again, even after the rain. 

"Was it worth it?" 

"Absolutely!" 

The water was cold, goosebumps were popping up along your arms and legs, and across Mat’s as well. And as you drew closer to him and reached out for his wrist, dragging your hand from the bracelt he wore so proudly, up the length of his arm, his hands reached for yours as well, looking for a lifeline as his smooth voice reached your ears. 

“You cold?” 

You nodded and ran your hands across the tight muscles of his biceps, warm despite the chilly air, and flattening them against his chest before bringing them up, up, up behind his neck to tangle in his dark, wet hair. Your breath hitched in your throat when Mat's hands dipped under the water to your waist, leaving a bit of space between your bodies and honoring his promise from earlier to stay away, but asking permission with his eyes. His big hands squeezing your waist was making your mind spin, and you could barely stutter out a quiet: “You?”

“Nah. Feels fine for me.” He grinned, "But I can help you." He pulled you ever so slightly closer, slowly, slowly, until you were flush with each other, your bodies slick and wet and warm in the cool water, every crevice and curve fitting against each other like puzzle pieces. Mat’s blown eyes traced over your face, from your eyes, down to your lips, and leaned down, pressing his face against your shoulder and pulling you as close as possible, bringing a knee up to prop you against him. He opened his hot mouth along your skin, leaving wet kisses across your shoulder and up your neck. Your chest was pressed flush against his, your nipples poking out hard against his skin, your hands in his wet hair, his big hands engulfing your waist with his touch, his knee inserted between your thighs to keep you against him, floating, weightless, against him. “Let me help?”

And God, how you wanted him to help.

It seemed as if every part of you was touching. Your skin was hot and wet and the sound of the gentle lapping of water against your bodies and on the shore made everything feel like a dream. Even more euphoric, though, was the way Mat's eyes- dark and needy- found yours, in the way you'd always seen in your dreams. The way you'd only seen in your dreams. Until now.

And then, finally, your mouths.

Your mouths collided hot and needy, open and wet and the furthest thing from chaste, wanting to swallow each other up, to ease the aches you had tried to bury so deep in your bodies. You wanted to get so lost in him that you’d never come back, so lost in him that for the rest of time it’d only be you and Mat and the ocean. Weightless, naked, and hot. And he wanted to bury himself in you, hide away from the rest of the world for just this night. He’d been craving it all week. And what he’d been craving was more than sex, it was the affection, the intimacy, the closeness of being with you, entangled with you, so gentle but so needy, giving in completely and finally- finally- letting your hearts take control. His tongue was slippery and warm against yours, and it felt, for a moment, as if this was meant to be.

“I would treat you so much better than he did.” Mat’s mouth was hot and wild and messy against yours, breathing against you and moaning out his confession. “I would be so much better. I’d fucking cherish you.” 

“Mathew.”

“Fuck, I’d take such good care of you.” 

“Mat, I want you.”

 “Fuck,” He groaned against you, rocking his body against yours gently. Your hands burnt his skin wherever you touched, your nails dragging along smooth, wet skin and leaving angry red lines in their wake, dragging down his sides, over his hard abs, right to that one forbidden area. “I want you so bad, baby.”

There were no more words, only hot, aching silence as Mat held you against him. You were slick between your thighs, even under the water you could feel that familiar warmth, the tingling in your belly at the sound of his voice and the feeling of his face against yours, his nose pressed against your cheek as his lips ravaged yours, his tongue delving into the crevices of your mouth to taste you, to feel every part of you. His hands slid to your ass and pulled you as close as possible, molding your skin against his and gluing you to him with the passion. You could feel his desire, hard and swelling and needy between your bodies, and you wanted him. You wanted him more than anything. 

“Stop, stop, stop.” 

Mat, always concerned with you before anything else, pulled away, his eyes wide and worried, his hands dropping you back into the water, where you pushed yourself back as fast as you could, trying to catch your breath. “What?”

“We can’t.” 

He said nothing else, but nodded and stepped away from you, averting his eyes, his face hot and his head spinning. Fuck, he was still aching. But you took your chance to wade to shore and scramble up the rocks to collect your clothes and hide yourself again. You were shaking, trying to shake away the shame flooding through your body at what you just did. Fuck, fuck, fuck, why did you have to do that? Why did you do something that stupid? If last night didn’t ruin your friendship, tonight certainly did.

Mat was standing in the sand at the bottom of the cliff, turned away from you, trying to even out his breathing, and you brought his swim trunks down as a courtesy, the least you could do. “Thanks.” His voice was choked up, strained, and he cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck before pulling them back on.

The walk home was silent, but not silent in the way that it had been earlier, comfortable and warm. There was no hand-holding, no smiles, no funny small talk. Only pain and heartbreak. Both your minds were struggling to process the last hour. Why had you decided to leave the house tonight? Why did you let yourself take it that far? How could you ruin something so amazing? How many chances would you give each other before giving up and never spoke again?

You almost ran up the porch into the house and to your bedroom, as Mat followed silently behind. Your bedroom door was already locked, you were already hidden beneath the covers, tears in your eyes and hands between your thighs with the thought of Mat paguing your mind, when Mat made it to his, glanced across the hallway at your door, and finally hid himself away.

He wished he didn’t feel this way, he wanted nothing more than to love you as a friend, but the same as every other night, Mat fell asleep with you floating through his mind. Only this time, it was more than your image. It was the smell of you, your burning touch, your sweet taste as your tongue danced against his own, imprinted on his brain, daring him to even try to think of another woman ever again. He bit his tongue as he jerked his desire desperately into his hand, holding back his moans and his cries as he spared one last thought to you before spilling out and letting the tears stream down his hot cheeks. 

And he fell asleep, sticky and shameful and, like always, thinking of you. 

[imtheiliad]

9-1-1 5x01: Panic

if you are new here, welcome to aj screams into the void, where you get to read my live reactions- not live. I use this as a way to stay engaged with the episode so its not all that coherent, its just in the moment things, but you can most like guess when what happened when.

spoilers under the cut

T- 3 Minutes- more nauseous than ever

2- my leg is shaking

(I swear I am not too emotionally attached to this show)

I JUST OPENED TUMBLR ON INSTINCT AND ALMOST SCREAMED OUTLOUD. NEVER CLOSED IT SO FAST IN MY GADDAMN LIFE

Ajhhhh

Oh okay we’ve seen this already which helps

MY BABIES I MIGHT CRY

I just love them okay

Eddie babes you good 👀

Ah gad flashbacks

Maddie my baby glad she’s getting help but I’m so worried about her

MEETING THE PARENTS AT A CHRISTENING

JEALOUS BUCK JEALOUS KING

YASS JOSH

MMAAAAAAAAYY DISPATCH QUEEN

YASS DIVING DUO

RAVI IS THAT YOU

OKAY DO I NOT LIKE BT AS A COUPLE? Yes, AM I IN FACT VERY QUEER AND ACKNOWLEDGE THAT BOTH OF THESE PEOPLE ARE GORGEOUS? Also yes

“The world ends as we know it.” Karen my queen

Oh goddddd I’m gonna puke

I’m notttt readyyyyh

HES THE BEST DAD

"LET'S SEE WHAT MOM THINKS" EDDIE- PANICS- OMG OMG

If god hates clowns why do we keep winning

REPRESSION-called it

NO STRESSORS EDDIE MY DUDE ????

Chris being the one to say it 😭

EDDIE BABY WHY

I DONT PANIC MY ASS

ATHENA 😭😭😭😭😭

Bobby ans Harry 🥺🥺🥺🥺

I HATE THIS DUDE🤢🤮🤢🤮like I already hated him but this this is sick

The airport 👀👀

RECOVERY ARC IS WINNING

MEDIC EDDIE MEDIC EDDIE

speaking from practical experience like it’s medical knowledge I know that trick eddie you aren’t fooling me

Where’s Hudson

FUCK

doc: mr diaz didnt expect to see you so soon

buck: 👀😱

OH SHIT OH SHIT CANT KEEP IT FROM BESTIE (aka husband) THAT LONG

“Yeah, eddie shouldn’t be exerting himself” sassy worried king buck my beloved

Eddies is like ah shit a helicopter seriously?

Oh thank god

WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS ABSOLUTELY SICK I AM NOT GONNA MAKE IT BUT FUCK

Well that was a fucken wild ride- can't believe next week im in tech when it airs- homophobic

[peaches-of-1]

Peachtober | Day 2: Eyes

Summary: Weird things can happen when you don’t take out your contacts and don’t read the instructions.

I am doing a story every day and requests are open for Moodboards and Halloween Reactions! Mstrlst in bio!

“Unnie,” Lisa said to her tired older member. “Remember to take out your contacts before you go to bed tonight.”

Jennie yawned, “I will. I will. Thank you for reminding me. Goodnight. Sleep well.” She said in one long sentence, so much so it sounded like one word.

The younger two went into their shared room while the older went into theirs. Jisoo said she was going to take a shower first unless Jennie--

“No, no. You got first. I’ll brush my teeth and stuff. You shower.” She waved from her spot on the bed, holding a pink Care Bear plush to her stomach.

The older woman smiled, “Ok~”

However, as Jisoo unnie sung to herself in the shower, Jennie was only able to wipe her makeup and brush her teeth before convincing herself that a face mask would be enough before drifting off to sleep on the couch. Being the big sister that she was, Jisoo decided to let the girl rest. Also, there was no doubt that she didn’t take out her contacts.

That is until the morning came. The small unnie was surprised by the reddish pink hue in the younger one’s eyes.

“Jennie-ssi, your eyes are pink! Did you take off your contacts?”

Jennie shook her head, “No. I fell asleep before I could. My eyes are red, aren’t they? Like the white part?”

Jisoo shook her head, “Not the white part. Your actual eye is pink! What did you do?”

“Nothing! Get off of my case!” She snapped back, not really meaning to. “I...I’m sorry. I didn’t do anything. I just got tired and--”

“We don’t say anything to worry the younger ones, ok?” The member didn’t want details and didn’t want to cause them any extra concern.

With the agreement in place, the two oldest girls tried to figure out what was wrong. Eyes just weren’t supposed to do that. Even though everyone else was heading out for a few hours before the show to look around the city, Jennie had to fake sick and look for a cure to this.

She looked at the package and read the Warnings on it. They did say that they were using a new solution, but this wasn’t…

“‘If contacts are worn overnight, they will fuse to the eyes for 24 hours. Everything you see is real. Stay alive’ Stay alive?” She had no idea what that meant. Stay alive? Was someone trying to kill her? More than usual, probably.

Ugh. Couldn’t she just be a regular idol for one fucking day?

Jennie threw down the packet and sighed, “Ok. Fine. Fine. It’s just 24 hours. How hard could it be?”

But it was a very difficult 24 hours. Within the first three, she had thrown up several times due to whatever magic or whatnot were in these contacts. Sometimes it came with blood or an eye came from her throat. It shook her, but the reminder that it would just last a day was the only comfort she had. She mumbled to herself how she was going to get a new brand and sue the company that did this. Who the fuck makes contacts that stick to your eyeballs and change their color? WTF?

Then...then the real stuff happened. She could see how people really felt about her, and it was heartbreaking to say the least. Her members loved her and were simply worried for their friend who seemed to be sick but promised she was ok. However, their managers. They had horns coming out of their heads and sickly skin tones. Liars. Thieves.

Rosé was being guided into the car and her manager was about to just give her a touch on the back as training dictated. However, he enjoyed it too much. He was gonna put his hand too low, and Rosie wouldn’t say anything about it because she was too nice. She rarely ever wanted to cause a fuss. Before she knew it, Jennie grabbed the manager’s hand and snarled.

“Don’t touch her ever again, understood?”

The manager was taken aback by the reddish glow that had resided in her eyes. Fire and brimstone was promised for him if he ever disobeyed her direct order. So he nodded even though he wanted to argue that he was just doing his job. Somehow, he knew. He knew there was no hiding his sinful desires from Jennie who then slid in next to her younger member and protectively held her arm.

The golden haired woman seemed not to notice and fed her unnie a baby carrot. Jennie glared daggers into the manager who said they would head to the hotel later after picking up some stuff.

The idol then had a huge headache and needed to lay down for a bit once back in the room. Maybe it’d be ok at the concert. Yeah. That would be better because no individual energy would be there and it would be love and happiness all the way through. By then, the day would be over and she could take the contacts out

As the girls were getting their makeup done, everyone was looking for Rosé’s manager and rushing around. 

“Have you seen oppa around?” Lisa decided to speak up and as Jennie while her hair was being put into a ponytail.

She shook her head, “Nope. I haven’t seen him since we came back to the hotel. Hopefully, he just quit and went back home. I don’t trust him.”

Rosie smiled at the confession, “Me neither! He likes touching my back really low when we’re going through crowds and stuff, but I never said anything because he was just doing his job. It made me uncomfortable, though.”

Jennie saw the words I’M GLAD HE’S GONE above her head and grinned to herself.

Soon enough, Lisa’s manager came back looking at her phone. He had in fact quit and his bank account said he was going to Brazil. Even if these contacts were itchy as Hell, Jennie was glad they had made him go away.

“Alright, girls. It’s showtime!”

The concert was great! So much fun! Jennie even forgot that she had her contacts in at all until halfway through. Her stomach hurt and she felt like she was going to puke again. There was an orange spot...distrust. Near the back, and it started to spread. It got overwhelming and it was probably just some news.

Hopefully not YG again.

And yet it was. The thoughts and doubts and questions made the idol doubt herself more than she ever had before even though she had nothing to do with it. People were asking if they were the same.

Jennie couldn’t do it anymore. It was too scary, and she needed a bathroom. So there she ran and couldn’t remember much after except the contacts falling out with the bile. She was happy. She could be herself again and maybe even try to be a better version of herself as well. Or maybe this was the death the package warned her about, having used the ability too much and paying the price of her life.

Either way, she let her eyes fall shut, unsure of where she way laying her head.

“Unnie! Jennie Unnie! Wake up! We have to get into the cars now. It’s time to head back to the dorms.” Lisa poked her brown haired bestie.

Rosie smiled as Jennie opened her eyes, “Ah, your iris looks better than yesterday. I thought you had gotten an infection from the goggles.”

“Ah, I’m fine. Uh, I must’ve fallen asleep.”

“Hurry up. We have ten minutes before we have to go. Most of your things, I have packed up. Meet us downstairs. Let’s go, girls.” Jisoo said turning on mom mode.

Jennie nodded and went through her cosmetics, tossing them into her makeup bag. Those damned contacts...she was going to throw them away for sure and get a new brand. However, maybe she could learn to control them. It’d be fine as long as she remembered to take them out.

Right?

[bibliophileiz]

Wayward AF

Since I can’t really organize my thoughts without screaming and jumping up and down and I’m just going to, um, “liveblog” on like my ... sixth? ... rewatch. Wayward Sisters was just. So good.

Obviously, spoilers abound below.

- First thing first: Opening song in the Then sequence has me pumped.

- Werewolf stuff: Love that Claire is saving a little girl with blond curly hair. Bet she kind of wishes she had that happy an ending to her supernatural adventure when she was that age. Werewolf fight scene is really good -- Kathryn Newton’s using actual defense moves women are taught in self-defense classes. I’m specifically thinking of how you jam the heel of your hand into the softer part of an attacker’s face when he’s on top of you. “I kill monsters. That’s who the hell I am.” Yeah, it is. Also, for all Jody (and Claire) go on about Claire jumping in without a plan, I think the ‘shooting a werewolf through a box while wearing a delivery hat’ thing constitutes a pretty good one.

- Alert, Claire has a journal. Repeat, CLAIRE HAS A JOURNAL!

- Loving all the overhead shots, but does anyone else think it makes Sioux Falls look like a theme park? It just looks so pleasant from above.

- (I’m sure Sioux Falls is pleasant, although I wouldn’t know because I’ve never been to South Dakota, but it looks like, Disney Land pleasant is my point.)

- Alex called Walt.

- ”You’re wearing my sweatshirt.” 

- Related, how tall are all of these girls? Clark Backo looks like she’s almost as tall as her jeep, but the other women all only look a little shorter. (I am obsessed with tall girls because I myself am 5′1″.)

- All of these characters are wonderful, but Alex might be my favorite, which I didn’t expect.

- Walking into Kaia’s hospital room, Claire’s already got her flirt on, leaning against the door, flipping her hair around. Then she swoops in and saves her from the monster (with Jody’s help) a few minutes later. Kaia’s knight in a leather jacket. 

- Alex snapping her rubber gloves before ripping the monster’s face mask off is weirdly attractive.

- Did anyone EVER think they would see a scene between two women comparing SCARS??? That’s the sort of thing you see between gruff over-testosteroned dudebros in Steven Spielberg movies.

- “I might puke.” Patience did not sign up for this.

- “Don’t tell me it tastes like chicken.” “No Sam, it’s a lizard. It tastes like a lizard.”

- “(The door) stayed open for a few hours.” Dean, it stayed open for a few hours only because your ex-boyfriend killed himself closing it early, wtf, show Crowley some respect.

- “If I go now, maybe my dad will take me back.” “Is that what you want?” Alex “I was raised by vampires” Jones can’t figure out why someone would want to hang out with anyone but Jody.

- I am here for the Patience vs. Claire standoff.

- “Believe me now?” Claire just got told.

- D-Train Sheriff Donna “She’s killed a lot of vampires” Hanscum and she has all that because she’s from Minnesota. She has a nickname for Claire, and it’s Rainbow Brite and Claire responds to it and just ... ugh, my heart. Patience’s face when Donna asks who knows how to use a flamethrower just makes my life. I was honestly expecting her to be a little over the top because ... Donna’s over the top. But she had the perfect amount of humor, toughness and sweetness, and just, ugh. I love Donna in this one.

- There’s a lot to unpack in the scene between Kaia and Claire in the back of the jeep, and I’m gonna need a whole other post about it.

- “Donna, I cannot lose another child.” Crying forever for Jody.

- Does the music during the monster scene when Jody and Donna are sneaking through the ship remind anyone else of the music playing during the Mines of Moria sequence in Fellowship of the Ring when the fellowship’s running from the Balrog?

- “Darth Dickwad!” Maybe that should be included somehow in Claire and Kaia’s ship name.

- It makes a lot of sense that Kaia goes in because she kind of knows her way around the Bad Place.

- The defensive position Donna, Patience and Alex take againt the monsters at the top of the stairs is actually a really good one. They can hold their ground and take out the monsters one at a time, and the monsters can’t charge them all at once in the narrow stairway. Also, I don’t think they really need Jody to help hold off the monsters, and Jody could have gone in with Claire, which I thought she was going to suggest.  I really like how Jody’s kind of torn between helping Donna and the other girls and looking after Claire. Her maternal instincts are being pulled in two directions.

- I also super love Donna being a mentor to Patience. 

- “Our hero.” You better believe Claire’s your hero, Dean.

- Simultaneously the best and worst part of the episode Kaia shoves Claire out of the way of the spear. Great moment. She looks up and holds out her hand weakly. Claire grabs it and whispers, “Kaia.” Kaia’s hand slips out of hers as she dies. Gold. Followed immediately by this fucking WASTE OF SPECIAL EFFECTS, WHAT THE FUCK A GIANT ROCK MONSTER?!?!?!?!  I’m just saying, if you’re going to use your special effects budget, can you at least use it on a Lucifer-Michael battle that is cooler than them punching each other? Seriously? It’s just. The monster was menacing enough when we just heard it crashing through the forest, you didn’t need to ruin it with the stick figure monster. (Rock figure? It was kind of bulky.) I’m just saying, the time spent showing us a not-very-realistic monster could have been spent drawing out the drama of Kaia’s death scene. It’s just. It could have been like Boromir’s death scene in Fellowship of the Ring. (I know I keep comparing aspects of this episode to Fellowship. Trust me. That’s a good thing.) It. Could. Have. Been. Great. If it had been given more time to breathe. And I guess you can make the argument that it’s supposed to happen pretty quickly because the portal’s closing and the monster’s coming and Dean’s having to grab Claire to keep her from charging at spear-throwing Dark Kaia, which is also a great moment, but that argument is kind of weak when they spend, like, five minutes standing by the portal staring at the shitty monster when they really should have just jumped through it as soon as they reached it. As I said, simultaneously best and worst part of the episode. Really really good death scene, marred by the hideously designed rock giant monster thing. (Also, if we hadn’t seen the monster, then tumblr would have spent the next six months arguing over whether it was a dinosaur or a dragon or a giant, and I could have thrived on that shit.)

- Patience killed a monster!

- I also like that Patience realizes her vision was true but that she read it wrong. She saw someone die and then saw Jody cradling Claire in her arms and just assumed Claire was the one who died. She doesn’t realize until it’s too late that Claire was actually mourning the person who died. I’m a fan of Patience having to learn how to read her psychic visions.

- In fact, I’m just a fan of everything about Patience in general. I want her and Alex to be besties too. I feel like they’d bond over science and schooling, and Claire would make sarcastic comments about them being nerds together.

- Dean better feel bad for Kaia’s death after threatening her with a gun, that’s all I’m saying. 

- I like the idea of Jody and Co. taking care of the monsters from the Bad Place (especially if Dark Kaia is going to keep opening portals), but I hope there are some Supernatural Verse monsters in Wayward too -- I feel like Claire still has a few bones to pick with angels, and Alex can take out some more vampires.

- Claire’s internal monologue at the end reminds me of Veronica Mars. I wonder if they plan to have Claire do an internal monologue for all the episodes if the show gets picked up. Not sure how I feel about that -- internal monologues can get really cheesy really quickly, but some actresses can pull them off. (It actually doesn’t work as well when men do it for some reason.)

- “I don’t care if I have to tear another hole in the universe. We’re going to find it, and I’m going to kill it.”

- I can’t see Kaia show back up at the end without breaking into a huge grin. I know it’s supposed to be, like, a dark version of her, but I can’t help it.

- Overall, I’m psyched and I hope this can be a show. I’m telling all my friends who have sort of gotten away from watching Supernatural to try this one out. It will make an amazing show, and I REALLY want to see Claire’s reaction to like jerking the hood off and seeing KAIA!!

- (Also I want an episode where they have to deal with angel shenanigans, and they’re like, “We don’t know anything about angels, let’s call the Winchesters” but Sam and Dean are busy, so they send Cas, and he’s there all awkward and nerdy and totally hitting it off with Alex, and Patience is so confused because maybe by this time she’s seen pictures of Claire’s parents, and she’s just like, “Isn’t that your dad?” and Claire’s like, “Ugh.”)

- 10/10 would watch Wayward Sisters if it became a show.

[imagineyourewiththem-blog]

Tequila Tuesday (Noah Foster x Reader)

This is my first Fanfic ever ! 

(y/n)- your name   (e/c)- eye color     Italics- Dialogue

Somehow you had survived this long. You could’ve never done it without them.

Noah and Audrey, your best friends. Not brave enough to completely join the school’s most popular pretty kids, you found Noah and Audrey to be quite similar to you giving you a feeling of belonging with the makeshift family of the Lakewood seven. You had an interest in all things pop culture which led to scary movie marathons at Noah’s and all night film-athons, where Audrey rolled the camera and all your shenanigans were immortalized onto her SD card’s memory. You helped Noah with his podcasts and the darker stuff wasn’t ignored either. You had been there for Audrey when Rachel passed, and did whatever you could for Noah after Riley. One by one your friends were slaughtered by Piper and she had finally gotten hers. Everything had calmed down. Which was both a positive and a negative. With life back to normal you had to face reality. 

The reality being that you were in love with Noah. 

Audrey knew of course. As every meetup with you guys grew more awkward because of you, she noticed the blushing and awkward body language. She didn’t want to embarrass you on a hunch so she observed further. She noticed the longing gazes in class and the change in the gleam of your eye when he told his dorky jokes. She hesitated at her locker after you both bid Noah a goodbye as he hurried to class. “Really (y/n) falling for Murder nerd here. We both know you could do better.” Your (e/c) eyes grew wide as a light blush spread throughout your cheeks. “ I-I mean what haha” you laughed nervously. “I don’t even know - ha I mean you have the-” “wrong idea?” Audrey finished your sputtering for you. “oh no” You covered your face with your hands. “Am I that obvious?” You peeked out of your hands with one eye to gauge your bestie’s response. “no,” she shrugged “I just know you” “you’re not mad or anything right” You needed Audrey’s approval. She laughed at how cute you were being. “No (y/n) we both know he’d be very lucky to have you.” You sighed. “I don’t even know why we’re talking about it though. Zoe is totally into him and she’s super smart and gorgeous and I- I could never compete with that.” Audrey looked at you disapprovingly. “Don’t say that you’re smart and funny and I like you better. We all know my vote counts most.” She winked. You laughed and hugged Audrey. “Thanks but please don’t tell him I wanna do it myself.” “As you wish m’lady.” Audrey stepped to the side and made a gesture for you to pass her towards class. You smiled as you walked side by side through the halls. 

Confessing to Audrey had you thinking about it even more now in the worst place possible, psychology class. You received last weeks quizzes back. You peeked over Zoe’s shoulder to see what she got. A higher score then you: how reassuring. Noah and Zoe took control of the floor most often in the class challenging each other practically oozing sexual tension making you want to vomit. You tried to give as much input as you could. You did however, make a fine statement which persuaded Ms. Lang to award you a compliment. Noah turned and smiled proudly at you, making your heart flutter, as you gave him a joking shrug. 

“Its gonna be super fun! Should I bring a present?” You wondered. Emma had just invited you, Audrey, and Noah to Kieran’s surprise birthday party and you were more than ready to do anything closely resembling normal teenage life. “(y/n) please. Don’t worry about it. Just bring whoever you want and I’ll see you tonight. Please remember it’s a surprise so keep it on the D.L.” You gave the survivor girl a enthusiastic thumbs up before she went to spread the word. You turned to Audrey and Noah. “You guys this is gonna be so fun” “As long as I’m not left alone on a floating dock again I’m pumped.” “Sorry about that.” You turned to him. “I know I should’ve paid closer attention” “Oh no!” Noah stuttered and scratched the back of his head. “that wasn’t- I didn’t mean…… So are you gonna ask anyone,” Noah inquired all of a sudden. “No way! all I need is my two besties by my side,” you joked, putting your arms around their shoulders. “My house at 8?” you suggested. Noah ducked under your arm and looked down. “Well uh I was actually thinking about asking Zoe so we’ll see you there?” Your smile fell from your face immediately. Audrey cut in for you, “Ha you’ll be missing out on all the fun” “Y-yeah,” you strained. Noah gave you an apologetic look and walked off. “He’s missing out (y/n) don’t worry about it,” Audrey tried her best to cheer you up. “Mm” you responded sadly. 

Fast forward hours and everything was complete chaos. Kids barfing everywhere, your friends nowhere to be found, and you worried for your own health. You’d done three shots of Jake’s gift and the effects still hadn’t taken hold of you yet meaning they’d hit you like a truck later. You tried to get tabs on everyone. Brooke and Stavo were in the bedroom, Emma and Kieran were gone, and just as you were about to locate your best friends. BOOM. right smack dab in the middle of the entry way they were all making out with each other. Zoe was spouting nonsense about energies and Audrey was asking questions and saying Rachel’s name at the end. You grabbed Audrey first finding a large bowl and a blanket. She got a spot on the couch. Zoe was next, she got a dining room chair also with the same accommodations. Finally you dragged Noah up to a bedroom and sat next to him on the bed. “Noah! Noah!” you shook him trying to force his coherence. Then all of a sudden, you felt a haziness cloud your vision as you fought to keep your eyes open. The room spinning while your hand grasped Noah. It was the only thing that confirmed to you it wasn’t real. You grabbed the bucket you had handed to Noah as you felt yourself about to violently puke. You made it into the bathroom, not wanting Noah to see, before you started to vomit nonstop. You barely had time to breath in between one fit and another. Your throat was raw and you were hallucinating all kinds of things. You had no clue how much time had passed before you were done vomiting. Just because your stomach acids were done escaping your throat didn’t mean any of the hallucinations ended. You washed your mouth, the water feeling different, before you stumbled back to the room where Noah was asleep. You tried to shake him awake. You had been through too much and seen too much too even risk any of your friends being in danger. Tears were falling down your face as you tried to wake him to no avail. You felt yourself slipping into the blackness truly fearing for your life as well as everyone’s at the party.

You woke up to Noah leaning over you calling your name. You came to and threw your arms around him. “You’re okay. Thank god,” you breathed clutching on to his scrawny warm frame. He hugged you back as you tried to recall what happened. You remembered the three way make out first. “That was a misunderstanding,” he defended himself. “You were passed out and I was afraid you weren’t gonna wake up.” He looked away. “What is it?” you asked horrified. “I think you were hallucinating because I was awake. You were just gripping onto me and rocking us back and forth saying how you never wanted to lose me and how….. and how you loved me.” “Oh,” was all you could respond. “I know we were drugged pretty bad last night but did you- did you mean any of it.” You sighed and pressed your palm to his cheek. “It’s okay I know you like Zoe.” He grabbed your wrist and guided it towards his chest. “That’s not an answer.” “It’s true Noah. I love you,” you finally confessed. “(y/n) I-” he started before you cut him off. “You don’t have to-” “let me finish,” he pleaded. You sat back silently awaiting his answer, noticing his chest rise and fall with his breaths and his hair matted and sticking up all over the place; not forgetting to see where his eyes were, which at the moment were staring into yours. “I noticed things change a between us awhile ago and I didn’t want to push you or assume so when you didn’t say anything I thought I was overthinking and convinced myself that you could never feel that way about me. I said it’d probably be better if I tried to get over you. But now that I know….. I’ve loved you for a long time (y/n). Ever since you constantly came to the rescue and comforted us I couldn’t deny anything about the chemistry we have.” He paused and smiled nervously. “You’re also kind of funny, smart, and amazing,” he quickly mumbled. “What was that?” you teased. “I said you’re f-” You didn’t let him repeat his complements as you leaned forward and pressed your lips against his. Your mind and body relaxing as he pulled you close and you wrapped your arms around his neck. Your heart beat fluttered and you felt him smiling against your lips. 

As you lied down with him, head now on his chest, he had something to say. “So it really took you being drugged to confess your feeling for me,” he joked. “What a tequila Tuesday,” you observed. “Yesterday was Friday,” he corrected you, knowing it would only aggravate you. You pulled him in for a rough quick kiss. “Yeah yeah.”

It was the very next day that a new killer announced himself on the school stage via Jake. With your hand tightly gripping Noah’s you shared an intense look with both your best friend’s. That look communicating a vow to each other that whoever decided to mess with your town and family would have another thing coming.