#yeah and I will always think of the lashton moment

[5sosfanfictioncatalogue]

Smut - Morning Sex Masterlist

Baby You Are Lucky Cause You Are Rocking With The Best (I'm Greedy) (ao3) - Migs michael/ashton E, 2k

Summary: "You know we can't baby. You are due for your shots soon." Ashton says as he carefully pushes three fingers inside now slick gushing omega.

"I don't care." Michael moans as he feels Ashton's fingers bottoming out inside him. "I just wanna feel you inside me. It's been so long." Michael pouts.

And Ashton knows this is a bad idea but he has always been a sucker for Michael's pout.

OR: Mashton side story

But if you like causing trouble up in hotel rooms And if you like having secret little rendezvous (ao3) - dramionedarlings luke/ashton E, 1k

Summary: Ashton and Luke have really fluffy morning sex.

"daddy give me cummies this morning?" (ao3) - orphan_account calum/ashton E, 2k

Summary: "such a beautiful boy, daddys beautiful little boy," he praises close to calums ear, kissing the lobe and gripping his thigh. he knew talking like this would get calum woken up in his head space-which hes already in pretty much all of the time.

Good morning (ao3) - orphan_account michael/luke E, 1k

Summary: Michael wakes up from a lovely wet dream his boyfriend next to him. very kinky morning sex happens. :)

I can't help it that I need you (ao3) - orphan_account michael/ashton E, 1k

Summary: " “Damn it Ashton, just fuck me already.” Michael groaned, getting impatient. As much as he loved Ashton teasing him, he wanted release now. “Pleeeease.” Ashton smirked against his jaw before he moved and brought Michael’s lips to his in a searing kiss. Tongues moved against one another as Ashton’s hand skimmed down the blonde’s body, getting slowly closer to where the blonde needed it most. "

Or Mashton morning sex

In The Heat Where You Lay (ao3) - merlypops michael/luke E, 2k

Summary: 'Ashton drew back and sucked at the tip for a moment, and Michael groaned as he pressed his head back into the pillows. "If this is how you apologise, we should fight more often," Michael mumbled, his voice rough with sleep and arousal, and Ashton grinned, licking his lips as Michael lifted his head to look at him again. "I thought that's what the sex yesterday was for though?" Ashton asked and, before Michael could answer, he sucked him back into his mouth again.'

It's Mashton's anniversary, Michael is sleepy, and Ashton just wants to give him his present.

it's too early for this (ao3) - orphan_account michael/luke E, 867

Summary: Michael doesn't know what time it is, all he knows is that it's morning and Luke wants sex.

i was made to keep your body warm (ao3) - orphan_account luke/ashton E, 2k

Summary: There was a calm feeling in the air, despite the deep arousal flowing through both of them. Ashton pressed a hand to Luke's shoulder, gently slowing his movements to resume their unhurried pace.

or, lashton morning sex

Just Another Reason I Could Never Forget You (ao3) - MyMy michael/calum M, 2k

Summary: It's malum grinding one out in the too early morning.

making the most of the night (ao3) - galacticsugar luke/ashton E, 28k

Summary: “Cal! Have you met Luke?” Ashton has one arm around a tall blonde guy wearing a sheepish smile and a barely buttoned shirt, and he wraps his other around Calum, pulling him in close. “You should talk. You’ve got a lot in common. Shit exes, for example.”

Calum looks over this Luke person he apparently has a lot in common with, and he does seem a little familiar. Maybe Calum has met him before. But that doesn’t seem right either, because he thinks he’d remember meeting someone so…bright. Noticeable. Luke doesn’t exactly blend into a crowd. Calum’s not certain, though — he could’ve met Luke while he was super drunk or super tired or super distracted by his ex-boyfriend.

“Sure, yeah,” Calum agrees, dodging the question. “Luke, would you like to spend a fun evening talking about our shit exes and feeling sad about it?”

Morning Sexxxxx (ao3) - orphan_account michael/luke E, 436

Summary: just basically short Muke smut (morning sex)

Never (ao3) - notonguexwithbutt michael/luke E, 41k

Summary: "I rub him through his jeans and he pushes against me as he sucks on my lips and scrapes his fingers across my back, undoubtedly leaving marks. After a minute I don’t think I can wait any longer so I sit up again and reach for the waistband of his jeans. His arms fall beside him and he reaches up to grip his hair, looking up at me with his swollen lips parted and eyes dark from being so dilated. He looks so wrecked and I haven’t even properly touched his dick yet."

Michael and Luke work together at a pizza shop and Michael seems to hate Luke but really he's just in denial. Michael's POV.

Work Up A Sweat (ao3) - nothingliketherain (39_killer_queen) calum/ashton E, 3k

Summary: Calum wakes up alone, boyfriend missing from his bed. He finds Ashton in the living room, working out and can't help but sit down and watch, getting a little worked up himself. Calum most definitely doesn't have a kink for his boyfriend excercising, he just likes watching Ashton. A lot.

your string of lights is still bright to me (ao3) - merlypops michael/calum, bryana/ashton, luke/omc E, 81k

Summary: Michael is struggling to be the father his daughters need. Until he meets Calum again.

You Were A Vision In The Morning When The Light Came Through (You Were Red) (ao3) - Migs michael/calum E, 1k

Summary: The morning after.

[honeyedlashton]

[ “ let you put your hands on me in my skin - tight jeans , be your teenage dream tonight . ” ] 💘 💜 🦋 🖤 💞

• my heart stops when you look at me • just one touch now , baby , I believe this is real • so take a chance , and don’t ever look back • don’t ever look back •

— “ teenage dream ” katy perry

[clumsyclifford]

pls can i ask for “I don’t know how to respond to that” if it moves you? with you know WHO my boys my guys 🥰 love you!!!!

here you are meg some lashton for you 🙂 just kidding can you imagine anyway here are your boys your guys their dogs etc

read here on ao3

-

Petunia is whining when Calum gets home. Luke is handling it, honestly, but as soon as the door makes a noise she’s off like a rocket, bounding towards Calum as he enters the house. Luke watches the two of them fondly for a moment. Duke materialises from nowhere and joins the greeting party.

“Hey,” Luke says. “If dogs had the ability to talk, would you want them to be able to? Or do you think that’d just make things harder for us?”

Calum looks up at him. “English?”

“Sorry?”

“Would they speak English?”

Luke blinks. “I don’t know how to respond to that.”

“A lot of dogs are native to non-English-speaking countries,” Calum says, and peers into Duke’s face. “Isn’t that right, Prince Duke? Isn’t it? Aren’t you a good boy? Are you? Are you an excellent little man?”

“Yes, English,” Luke says. “I mean if we could communicate with them.”

“We can communicate with them.” A kiss to Petunia’s head. She almost knocks Calum out of his crouch in her scramble for affection.

“Talk to them,” Luke says, rising from the couch. “In English. And if they could talk back.”

“What if they could only communicate via typewriter? Like Snoopy?”

“Or Dog With A Blog?”

“The fuck is that?”

“Some TV show?” Which is about as much as Luke knows about it. “I dunno, I’ve just heard of it. I assume it’s a dog that has a blog.”

“How do you know the dog can’t talk?”

“If the dog can talk, what’s it need a blog for?”

Luke stares. “Well humans can talk, but we make blogs.”

Calum nods slowly at him. “Connect the dots, Luke, you’re so close.”

Luke rolls his eyes. “How was work?”

Finally Calum gets up. Duke continues to trip at his heel, but as soon as he’s not in petting mode Petunia loses interest. She traipses back to the couch, where Luke gives her an unimpressed look. “What, now you want my attention again? After you just whored yourself out to Calum?”

Calum laughs. “Work was okay,” he says. “I had a lot of meetings, though. Getting pretty tired of meetings. Feels like we just sit around talking about all the things that need to get done and wasting all the time we could be using to do those things. I swear half the meetings I sit through could just as easily have been emails.”

“That sounds excruciating,” Luke says, like he’d know. “Though, to be fair, emails are also excruciating.”

“Yeah, but they’re over so much faster,” Calum mutters. “And if I’m really not feeling it, I can just ignore them.”

Luke nods. “Good points, good points. Anyway, I think in the long run it would only make life harder if dogs could speak English.”

“It’d certainly make life harder for all the non-English speakers,” Calum agrees, shuffling over the carpet to Luke. He draws Luke into a kiss. “By the way, how was your day?”

“Oh, you know,” Luke says, smiling the way he can never help but do when Calum kisses him. Years of conditioning have made it a reflex: Calum kisses him, Luke smiles. They could be lost at sea and on the brink of death, but if Calum kissed him goodbye Luke would die with a smile, and that’s a strangely reassuring thing to know.

“I don’t know,” Calum says, smiling back. “That’s why I asked.”

“I took the kids to the dog park,” Luke says, gesturing to indicate Petunia and Duke. “You know, I think Duke has a crush on this other dog who’s always there when we are. His name is Cliff.”

“Duke doesn’t have crushes,” Calum says dismissively. “He’s an old man. He’s past his prime.”

“I don’t think he knows that. I’m telling you, he’s sweet on Cliff.”

“Cliff,” Calum repeats. “Well, is he cute?”

Luke laughs. “Yes, he’s adorable.”

“I want to meet him.”

“Who, Cliff?”

“Yeah, I never get to go to the dog park with you guys,” Calum says, frowning. “I’m always at work.”

“That’s what you get for having an office job,” Luke says sympathetically. He pats Calum’s shoulder and smiles when Calum’s frown grows dramatically deeper. “Hey, I’d love for you to come to the dog park with us. Maybe we can go on Saturday. I’m not sure Cliff will be there but I’m sure the kids would love it.”

“I like that you call them the kids,” Calum says with a laugh. “Do you say that to real people, too? Do you explain that you’re talking about dogs?”

“Oh, no, I just wait for them to figure it out,” Luke says. “It was actually really funny, today at the dog park — today! — I was chatting with this lady I had never seen there before and she was saying, you know, ‘It’s such a beautiful day,’ and I said, ‘Yeah, I come here a lot with the kids,’ and she was like, ‘Oh really, how many do you have?’ and, you know, ‘My girls are ten and twelve,’ and all this stuff.”

Calum laughs. He unlaces his shoes and throws them askew by the door, then heads for the bedroom, presumably to change out of his work suit and into civilian clothes. In Luke's eyes, Calum is living a double life. Luke is just a regular old civilian, while Calum is a superhero known as Man With Nine To Five Job whose civilian alter ego is being Luke's husband. It's like reverse moonlighting; he’s Man With Job during the day, and civilian Calum at nights. It makes Luke's life significantly more exciting to think this way.

“Did she ever figure out that you were talking about the dogs?”

“Honestly, I don’t think so,” Luke says, trailing into the bedroom after Calum. Duke follows behind him and curls up by the foot of the bed. “She got a phone call and that was the end of the conversation.”

Calum turns around, loose tie hanging over his unbuttoned shirt. “So there’s some random lady out there who thinks you have kids,” he says, bemused. “That’s great.”

“I like to sow as many seeds of disharmony as I can,” Luke says seriously. “Spread as many conflicting rumours about my life as possible.”

“I should start doing that at the office,” Calum muses. “They know I’m married, but I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned having dogs. Or children, for that matter.”

“If you did have children, don’t you think you would have mentioned it by now?”

“Maybe not.” Calum says with a vague shrug. “Maybe they’re new. Or maybe I’m just a private guy.”

“Are you?”

Calum shrugs again. “Yeah, probably not. But whatever. Might try it anyway just to see what people say.”

“I’m all for that,” Luke says. “I love conducting social experiments on people without their consent.”

Calum laughs and pulls a t-shirt over his head. He swaps out his slacks for a pair of jeans and exhales. "This is the best. I love this. This is my favourite part of every day.”

“Putting on civilian clothes?”

“I get home and I’m immediately greeted by the canine welcoming committee,” Calum says, indicating Duke with a wave of the hand. “And then I get to see you, and you tell me about your day, and you ask me if I think dogs should be able to speak English, and I get to change out of my work clothes and be comfortable and be home.” He strolls over to Luke with a smile, taking both of Luke’s hands in his own. “Yeah, I don’t know. It’s just nice to come home to all of this. I love you.”

A feeling of serenity washes over Luke, like waves lapping at the shore. “I love you too.”

He’s smiling even before Calum kisses him this time.

“For what it’s worth, this is my favourite part of the day, too,” he adds softly when Calum pulls away. “You think I want to be talking to strangers in the dog park about my fake children that I don’t have? I miss you.”

Calum tugs at a curl that’s fallen over Luke’s face. “Yeah, well, do you think I want to be in a thousand meetings a day? I miss you too.”

“At least you’ve got people to talk to.”

Calum hums. “I mean, I can’t argue with that. I do have people to talk to.”

Luke steps away, out of the bedroom. As he’s moving down the hallway, Calum close behind, he turns around and adds, “See, if the dogs could speak English…”

“I thought you were against dogs speaking English!”

“I’d be against it if you worked from home.”

Calum laughs. “Better get the kids on Duolingo then.” He’s giggling as he stumbles past Luke to get to the kitchen and almost trips over Petunia in his haste. “Fuck!”

“See,” Luke says, grinning, “if they could speak English that never would’ve happened.”

Calum rolls his eyes affectionately. “I think you need an office job.”

“Yeah, right,” Luke says, sliding into Calum’s space. He presses a kiss to Calum’s lips. “Dream on.”

A smile stretches over Calum’s face like it always does after Luke kisses him, and Luke thinks he could live and die like this and never want for anything.

[allsassnoclass]

okay so re: smutless long fics, I’ve tried to compile a list of fics as close to 50k words as possible since that’s the wordcount the anon cited and tbh my friends there really are not that many that I personally have read but I did my best.  All fics under the cut are over 30k and have either been verified good by me or my trusted friends

delete this transmission by @anxietycalling: 67k mashton sci-fi. I reread this one recently and it’s just as amazing the second time around I very highly recommend it

“Yeah,” he says, catching sight of his reflection in the dimly reflective surface and running fingers through his hair to fluff it up. And instead of getting on the mag-train home like he wants to, he catches the northbound train to the greenlawn with Calum. “You know, I think I might not go through with it,” he tells his best friend, meaning his activation. They sit together across from the back doors of the car and watch the adverts for an upcoming showing of ‘Titanic’ at the interactive theater. While Calum sits beside him silently he gnaws on a thumbnail and wonders whether it’s too late to get his money back.

“You can’t go back on it now,” Calum tells him.

And it’s true: His payment has already been processed, the credits removed from his profile. The invoice showed up in his e-net overnight and he’d added it to his encrypted folder. “It’s just - weird,” he says, weighing each of the words on his tongue before he speaks. “To be in charge of another person like that. I don’t want that responsibility.”

I’m a Falling Star by @pixiegrl: 55k lashton fantasy, very cute and sweet

A philosopher once asked, “Are we human because we gaze at the stars or do we gaze at them because we are human?” Pointless really. “Do the stars gaze back?” Now that’s a question.

Or: Ashton’s a shop boy setting out on a adventure to find a star to help grant a wish. Luke’s a star crashed to Earth looking for some help to get back home. They’re both in for more adventure than they bargained for.

I Wanna Sleep Next to You... by milecgv: 54k malum college au.  I read it over a year ago but I’m pretty sure I enjoyed it then

"Cuddle buddies, how can I help you?"

Pausing, Calum thought, he could just hang up. Get over the moment of weakness and face the rest of the night alone. He could do it. But the idea of spending one more second alone, brought a fresh pang of hurt to his heart and really, he couldn't bear it. Before his thought process could spiral out of control, the calm voice repeated itself.

"Um, yeah. I-, I need someone to-" He cut himself off because really, how was he going to phrase this?

Chuckling softly, the man on the other line interjected. "Sir, do you need someone to cuddle you?"

Shit, it was now or never. "Yeah. I-uh, I do." His voice came out so small, and he really hoped the man on the other side wouldn't pick up on how desperate he was.

~~~

Calum gets the opportunity to live out his dreams in New York City but it proves too much for him, and on a lonely night he ends up calling the professional cuddle service he swore he'd never call.

those are the only three completed fics over 50k that I personally can vouch for, but here are a few more longer ones I’ve read and I’ll link some over 50k that have gotten good reviews from my friends after those.

Destination: Perth by onlythevoid: 34k lashton 

The stranger swung into the seat next to him and sighed contentedly. Luke stole a glance from under his hat. It was a boy with light-brown messy hair, reminiscent of surfers Luke saw on the beach in Brisbane - he had a t-shirt on and black jeans, and fade-tint round-frame sunglasses propped on his straight nose.

The stranger caught Luke’s eyes.

“Hey?” The stranger asked. Shouldn’t have looked at him, Luke thought. Too late.

The stranger had set his sunglasses on his head and was peering below Luke’s cap. “Dude. You look terrible. Are you okay?”

Oh, so the stranger was one of those guys. Too friendly and ever-inquisitive. Yes, Luke looked like shit; he’d been crying for an hour at a time, every few hours, and all he’d had to eat in the past two days was some wet broccoli at the hospital and a bag of chips he’d bought that morning in Brisbane, and there were bruises all up and down his right arm from a car crash he wished he’d died in.

Luke didn’t say any of that. He prayed his voice would be steady and said, “Yes. Thanks.”

The messy-haired boy did not seem convinced. After a pause, he offered, “My name’s Ashton, by the way.”

hello, hello by @clumsyclifford: 30k lashton

For one long, blinking minute, Luke stares at Ashton and wonders if he’s hallucinating. Because that’s definitely Ashton. That’s Ashton Irwin, his former best friend from Sunny Days, the show they co-starred on as children.

But it’s also definitely Ashton Fletcher, professional film actor worth many millions, possibly hundreds of millions, of dollars, standing on his doorstep, wind ruffling his hair.

Now for the fics that I haven’t read but can confidently say are good through a rigorous peer review system (aka I have friends who read them/I have read and enjoyed other works by these people)

home is wherever you are tonight by @lifewasradical: 72k lashton. this one is on my tbr, I have only heard good things, and I’ve read other things by Amanda and trust her as a writer

Life has become so mundane in the past few years that there’s very little that sends a thrill up Luke’s spine anymore. It’s that idea that had him saying yes to the idea of moving out here for a few weeks anyways: the knowledge that this was a completely new place where no one knew his name. He could be anyone he wanted to be here, within reason. He wouldn’t be seeing any of these people again after May, so what’s the harm in becoming a new person for a bit? Someone not so bogged down by the shit in their head that they can’t get out of bed some mornings. Maybe this is a step in the direction of the person Luke wants to be in the future anyways.

Or, Luke inherits a beach house on a tiny costal island that needs some work. He didn't plan on falling in love with the guy at the hardware store.

world war series by prettyluke: 58k lashton historical au. Megs really likes this one and I trust her judgement

Even after months of seeing bodies ripped apart by bullets and bombs, Ashton still isn't prepared to be ripped apart by the fragile German soldier who has seen far more than any child should.

and

Luke shows up in Britain after 25 years right in time for World War Two to start, and Ashton has been waiting for someone to yank him from his melancholy since Christmas of 1914.

i’ll keep on fighting (just to make you believe) by @squishmichael: 33k muke I have heard good things about this one, have read other works by Taylor and trust them as a writer, and also I did skim this one when it first came out and it’s good I just need to sit down and fully read while paying attention

“Hi, Mike,” Luke says softly.

Michael might have cried from hearing his voice so clearly, not through a phone line, but instead his smile just gets bigger and bigger until his cheeks hurt.

“Hey, Luke,” he replies before throwing himself at Luke, arms looping around his neck and holding tight.

“Easy there, tiger,” Luke says with a chuckle, but he hugs Michael back.

It feels so different, all the shapes and sizes wrong, yet Michael has never felt so at home, melting right into the hug. Luke still fits so perfectly against him despite everything. Because it’s them, and they’re meant to be, and Michael never wants to let go.

*

In which Luke is finally coming home to Australia for the summer after two years, and everything should be perfect. Michael quickly realizes nothing is.

Under the High Low Lights I See You There by @pixiegrl: 33k lashton 90s bar au. I have heard a lot of good things and I have read and enjoyed Emily’s writing

Luke moves onto cleaning the glasses, sneaking glances over at him, admiring the open blue flannel he’s wearing with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, his chest in the white tank top he’s wearing and the pull of it over his muscles, the acid wash denim pants straining over his thighs. He’s attractive and Luke knows he shouldn’t be looking, shouldn’t be so obvious in his stares, but he can’t help it. The man was made to be admired.

Or: It’s the summer of 1996 in New York City when Luke meets Ashton at his bar. Things aren’t always as they seem.

He Did Ballet by @kaleidoscopeminds: 34k cake. people love this one and meg is a great writer

Like the way he danced, everything in Luke's life was perfectly placed, an allegro exercise all on beat, an enchainment with no mistakes. The last thing he needed was a distraction, something to pull his attention away and make him stumble, like losing your spot during a series of fouettés. He glances back towards the bar and sees Calum still looking in his direction. Luke catches his eye again by mistake for just a second too long and Calum smiles slowly and winks at him. Luke shivers slightly and already feels slightly unbalanced. Calum is definitely not a good idea.

Luke's life is perfectly on track. He is about to get everything he's ever wanted, to become a Principal dancer for the Royal Ballet. He's focused, determined and nothing will get in his way. Then he meets Calum, a smooth-tongued barman with dangerous eyes, and suddenly not everything's so simple.

The Sun Is Burning Down Los Angeles by @burstingsunrise: 40k cake. have heard good things and Molly is a good writer

Calum probably signed a form saying he wouldn’t fall in love with the lead singer of the band. And he really doesn’t want to. What a cliché. It’s just…people get famous for a reason. This guy got famous for all the reasons.

***

Calum moves to LA to work for 5SOS.

[igarbagecannoteven]

2021 Writing Self-Evaluation

thank you hazel ( @allsassnoclass ) for tagging me for this!! 😊 putting the answers under a read more bc y’all know my answers will be not be consise lol

1. number of stories posted on ao3: 7 :))

2. word count posted for this year: 20,232

3. fandoms i wrote for: i’ve only posted 5sos fic, but i have worked on/fiddled with a couple of old hp wips this year!

4. pairings: i’ve only posted cake, malum, mashton, and lashton, but i did finish a fic for every pairing (not including ot3/ot4) this year!

5. story with the most kudos/bookmarks/comments: the answer to all three of those is by far don’t let me drown in my mind! i could delve into the reasons why i think it’s my most popular but the night is not-so-young and also that’s not the question lol.

6. work i’m most proud of (and why): oh goodness that’s a hard one! i’m proud of everything i’ve posted for various reasons (i wouldn’t have posted them if i wasn’t) but i think today i’m particularly proud of we gotta make a decision (leave tonight or live and die this way) for a lot of reasons. it’s set in an au that i have much bigger plans for and i love the characters so much, which in some ways made it a lot more difficult to write and stressful to post bc i wanted it to do well. while it’s set somewhere very similar to where i was born, it deals with a lot of things that i have zero experience in, and i think i pulled them all off semi-decently! also, this grew a *lot* from the first draft to the final one (mostly thanks to the fact that i turned in a het version for my prose class and used their critiques to shape the fic lol) and i’m very proud of the way i was able to take the notes i was given and make a much better work because of them. i think it’s leaning toward more of my “literary” style instead of my fic style which is my only quibble with it, but i think that works for the content of the fic.

7. work i’m least proud of (and why): most of the works i’m not proud of have not seen the light of day tbh. every work over 1k that I’ve posted is the result of weeks of stressing and editing and pulling my hair out because i really do my best to make sure i don’t post something i’m going to regret lol. that being said,,, i do wish that if i bleed you’ll be the last to know was just a touch more polished. like, it has a lot of stuff i’m proud of and i think overall it’s a decent fic, but i’m not confident that the pacing is up to scratch and the ending isn’t the best, although i always struggle with endings. but i do love it! and it’s really not bad! i’m just very picky lol. beyond posted work, i’m not proud of how many wips are less than a quarter done. i’ll be the first to admit i’m a slow writer and i do try to keep my expectations of myself realistic, but i do think i could have gotten more done.

8. share or describe a favorite review you received: i’ve recieved several reviews that i carry with me in a special box next to my heart so it’s really hard to choose! i will say that when i sent bella the doc for don’t let me drown in my mind asking her to beta read and her first reaction was something along the lines of “i’m so relieved you’re a good writer” was really affirming to me because i am a little insecure about my writing and that felt like a very honest comment bc idk about everyone else but i’ve def had the feeling of like, reading someone you know’s writing for the first time with your fingers crossed chanting under your breath “please be good” bc it’ll be so awkward if it’s not dsjflkdsjf so yeah it just gave me that moment of like “okay i’m not a shitty writer” lol. honorary mention to helen sending me a message about a specific line in what if i’m weak (and i need you tonight) bc when i received the notification i’m pretty sure i actually squealed kjsdflkjdslkdsjf

9. a time when writing was really, really hard: writing is tremendously hard for me about 90% of the time, and i mean miserable, pulling-my-teeth-out hard lol. (don’t ask me why it’s my main hobby because i still don’t know how to answer that lol) writing seeing things in a different light was especially stressful though because it was my first time writing for someone else and when that someone is as talented as adri that makes it extra scary lol. it was also my first time writing fic on a deadline, which mean it was the first time since middle school i was expected to have a final draft at a specific date (most creative writing classes only ask for your next draft, not necessarily your last). it was also my first foray into fluff, *and* my first time writing something that would only really work as a fanfic, so there were a lot of learning curves. but i’m pretty proud of the finished result, and adri left a lovely comment on it that i go back to whenever i need a pick me up, so it was definitely worth it!!

10. a scene or character you wrote that surprised you: i know i legit just posted this but i did not expect to write a bee au. like, i know i love a hyper-specific au but that’s a bit much even for me ksjdfljdskfj also the fact that the bigger au for we gotta make a decision features a subplot revolving around the opioid crisis is insane. like what was i thinking when i made that decision. (i know what i was thinking but still. craziness.) 

11. a favorite excerpt of your writing: listen. on a craft level i find this to be one of the most heavy-handed things i’ve written, like i really stretched this in a way i maybe shouldn’t have. it is not something i’d ever include in a work for class. however. i am so in love with the dissected frog metaphor in if i bleed you’ll be the last to know it was just so fun to write and while i’d probably dislike it if someone else wrote it, it makes me smile just thinking about it. part of me says not to quote it here but as a treat for myself here it is:

Calum felt like a dissected frog, like his insides were all neatly lined up on the table on top of his English notes, each organ pinned with a little label. If it were anyone else seeing his guts laid out in the open, he was certain he would start desperately attempting to shove them all back in, not even caring if they went in the correct spot as long as they were safely hidden again, but since it was Michael, there was no surge of fear. He knew Michael would gently put everything back in its proper place, that he wouldn’t take pictures or type up a research article. Calum never would have thought it was possible to feel safe inside-out if he hadn’t met Michael.

12. how did you grow as a writer this year? i posted my first ever fanfic! i *finished* my first ever fanfic!! i’d never actually finished a work of fiction before this year, can you believe it? never reached that final draft. and now i have! multiple times!! wtf!!! i also think my decision in august to hold off on posting fic and instead squirrel them away until i get 24 complete fics was a big moment for me. like i said before, writing doesn’t actually bring me a lot of joy, so it’s important to me that i make sure the parts that *do* make me happy continue to do so, and my hope is that this challenge thingy will help me do that. i’m very proud that i was able to recognize the way posting fic was starting to turn sour and nipping it in the bud before it could do that.

13. how do you hope to grow next year? hopefully finish more fics! i think that writing is very much one of those skills where the only way to get better is to do so, and i’m hopeful that my writing will continue to improve as i go. i’d also like to stop comparing my writing process to other writers. it can be hard to be a slow writer in a fandom where so many great authors can churn out longer fics in a matter of weeks or even days and still have the work be amazing, and it’s also hard when you’re someone who takes multiple drafts to get a fic where it needs to be when there are people who can ace it on the first draft. i’d really like to shed that habit of thinking of my writing process in comparison of others but instead simply in comparison of my past self. also, on a less writer-y note, i’d like to get better at leaving comments on fics i enjoy! part of the reason i don’t comment very much is because it does take a certain amount of spoons to do so, but there are also other reasons that i’m going to try to get out of the way. january is apparently a month where some people try to comment on every fic they read so i may try to do that! 

14. who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc)? i mean i can’t *not* mention the fantabulous @clumsyclifford because not only is she the reason that i started writing for this fandom, she’s also a wonderful beta and so so good about me randomly talking to her about my fic problems, even if it’s for a work that’s really not her thing. also hazel has been so encouraging and kind about my writing and is *also* a great beta as well as someone who shares my excitement for niche aus!

15. anything from your real life show up in your writing this year? yep! i really did cut a watermelon in half with an oyster shell for seeing things in a different light (sometimes research can be fun!) and i’ve also written two fics heavily inspired by my hometown (seeing things in a different light and we gotta make a decision) *and* there’s don’t let me drown in my mind whose first 1k is very heavily inspired by real events. like, i changed some of the things i was freaking out about but all of the descriptions and intrusive thought/executive dysfunction stuff was written from memory. 

16. any new wisdom you can share with other writers? join an irl writers/critique group that isn’t mainly for fic. no, i’m not saying this for some elitist reason or just because i love critique groups (okay, maybe a little for that last reason), but because it’s just a very different experience than having beta readers or people in your doc. i’m of the firm belief that listening to other’s work being critique can help you with your own, and i also think that critique groups are more likely to tell you if something needs a more drastic change. beta-ing and having people in your docs has a lot of positives, many of which you won’t necessarily get in a critique group, but getting critiques irl can offer you lots of positives as well. it doesn’t have to be one or the other! and you don’t have to disclose that you write rpf; i definitely don’t! finally, i do think that writing and critiquing are two separate skills, and if you want to build up your critiquing muscles you’ve got to exercise them (not that you have to if you don’t want to! there are plenty of brilliant writers who are terrible at critiques and there are some mediocre writers that are great at critiques, you don’t need one to do the other.)

17. any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year? so many it’s actually ridiculous. i would commit actual crimes to finish tis the damn fic this year, i started it in february and it is still no where near done and while i am absolutely in love with the characters and the world i just want it all to be on the page so i can share it with people already!! my new year’s resolution is actually to make some major headway on my fic challenge, and while i doubt i’m going to reach 24 i’d like to get semi-close. 15? 20? among those, i’m looking forward to several 5(ish)+1 fics i’ve got sizzling (faking the moonlanding au, mer!ashton au, another crackfic i won’t spoil), plus i’d love to finish up/start some more driving is for lovers fics because my brand is not going to make itself :)) 

18. tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read: i’m not sure if other people have tagged new people (that makes zero sense but hopefully y’all know what i mean lol) so i’ll just tag a few peeps: @cringeycal , @pixiegrl , @werewolfashton , @valiantnerdtm , @burstingsunrise , @kaleidoscopeminds , @tirednotflirting , and anyone else who wants to! (and if i tagged you and you don’t want to that’s totally fine! it’s not obligatory!)

[cal-puddies]

caught in between || poly!lashton

idk how many more sexual scenarios i can push, but i am loving on the character and relationship development. @kindahoping4forever​ cheered your girl on as she always does. 

Poly! Lashton: the blow job || daddy’s home || cream pie || take the pleasure, take it with the pain || all at once this is enough || caught in between || take my heart, hit the back || daddy issues || needy || only you know the way that I break || picked all my weeds but kept the flowers

Ash comes home from work early one day, neither you or Luke were expecting him. You just knew he’d been tired a lot and there had been a lot of late nights at the office and him coming in and collapsing in bed with you and Luke. You can only remember one night he spent in his own bed since the three of you had the incredibly intimate night, and that was only because he had zero energy to join you. 

You’d made note and made sure anything you and Luke wanted to do was done before he got home. He seemed to need to be with the two of you, re-energized by the closeness, at least enough to get through another crazy day. 

But he was in high spirits. He grins at you, calls for Luke and collapses with you on the couch. Luke looks confused when he walks in, handing you a sandwich wrapped in a napkin and a bottle of water and sits on the other side of Ash, taking a bite of his own sandwich.

“Babes.” He grins, “big news! Projects done. Which means I have time for a vacation with

My two favorite people in the world.” 

Luke grins wide, “does this also mean we’ll see you at normal times again?” 

“Yes, babe, it does.” 

“I’ve missed you two.” He quickly grabs Lukes face and kisses his cheek and then yours. “I’m gonna change real quick and then we can talk about where we wanna go.”

Luke’s brain is already working for where they can go, he likes the idea of the beach again, because you in a bikini and Ash half naked for basically the entire trip? Hell yeah. But Ash wasn’t usually too keen on long beach trips. Maybe they could do Vegas though, Luke did love the night life. 

Ash comes back, black athletic shorts only, “any thoughts babes?” He asks, sitting back between you. 

“I liked the beach house.” You pipe up. 

“The beach house was fun.” Ash agrees, “but I’d like to take you two somewhere else.” He drapes his arm across your shoulders. “Vegas?” Ash asks, looking at Luke like he could read his mind. 

“Eh.. I dunno if I’m ready to share baby girl like that. Way too many eyes would be all over her. Look at this hot piece of ass.” Luke reaches over and playfully pinches your thigh. 

“That’s fair… though, you seem to have trouble keeping your hands to yourself in Vegas.” Ash mentions to him. “We haven’t been to New York in awhile. Shopping’s good, plenty to do, good food… and it’d be nice to actually have you there. That place lacks so much of you two when I go for work.” 

“Can I also pitch Hawaii?” Luke asks, “I’ve never been, have you?” He asks you and Ash watches as you shake your head, “and she'd be in a bikini a lot… and that’s a selling point.” He explains. 

“That… is also an excellent idea.” Ash agrees, “both of you half naked for the whole trip and sun kissed… pretty girl, thoughts?”  He asks. 

“Oh… you two can choose. I’ve never been to either.” You shrug, getting up to exit the conversation. 

Ash grabs your hand as you breeze by, “no love, it’s for all of us, we can all decide.” He pulls you back into his lap. “You really don’t have an opinion?” He checks. 

“All that will matter to me is that I get to be with you guys.” You shrug. Ash squeezes you and kisses your cheek, “if you’re sure babe…” he watches you nod and let’s you go. 

That lands you in the small airport a week later. You knew Ash flew private for work, but you weren’t expecting to fly private, probably ever. Your fingers are tangled in Luke’s shirt as you wait, they'd decided on New York and neither of them were aware you’d never flown. But you could feel a panic attack say they were both gonna find out. 

“Hey.” Luke says, cupping your chin. “What is it? You’ve been pulling at my shirt for like the last ten minutes.” 

“It’s nothing.” You mumble, not meeting his eyes. 

“Talk to me.” Luke coaxes. 

“No. It’s fine.” You untangle your fingers and walk away from him, a little annoyed he wasn’t more sensitive to your obvious mood change. Ash would pick up on it, even though he might not say anything, but Luke could be oblivious if it would interfere with his own good time. 

You sit on the floor in a corner. Away from eyes. 

Luke spots you, head between your knees, and he knows it’s more serious than he initially thought. He walks up to Ashton and bumps him gently on his shoulder, “you gonna be on your phone the whole trip, because you’re gonna miss things like… that.” He points toward you and Ash’s eyes snap in your direction. 

“No, the second we leave I’m done… what’s wrong there?” He asks, shoving his phone in his pocket. 

“I don’t know. I didn’t quite recognize the vibe. She was pulling at my shirt and wouldn't tell me what’s up.” Luke shrugs, but he’s clearly worried now. 

“Pulling at your shirt?” Ash asks, still trying to get details and assess you. Luke shows him, twisting his fingers in his own shirt. “Mmkay. Stay here, I'll get it.” 

And then ash is in front of you, kneeling, gently running his fingers over the back of your neck. You flinch and he rests his hand there until you look up. “Wanna tell me what’s going on?” He asks quietly. 

“I’ve never flown before.” The tears well up and spill over. 

“Hey, it’s ok. Why didn’t you say something?” He moves closer. 

“You and Luke seemed so excited and I didn’t want to just ask to stay here, I’ve never left the state.” 

“Ok. It’s ok to be scared baby, but do you think I would ever do anything to put you in danger? After we’ve said “I love you” without our attention whore boyfriend?” 

He watches you smirk, “he’s just so pretty.” You relax a little. 

“And nothing but trouble.” Ashton grins. “C’mon, you’ll sit with me. I’ll keep you safe.” He holds his hand out and then the three of you are walking out to the tarmac to board the plane. 

Ash sits, and you sit in the seat next to him, it seems a lot more spacious than it looked from the outside, and everything was so expensive looking, from the white leather seats, down to the trim. Ash’s thumb rubs over the back of your hand, and he pulls it to his mouth to kiss it. 

Luke stops, rests his hand on your cheek. “You ok?” He murmurs. “You’ve been crying.” 

“I’m fine.” You nod, meeting his eyes. He leans in and kisses you. And then is taking a seat across the aisle. 

An attendant comes around, “Mr. Irwin, can I get you guys anything before take off?” She asks. 

“Yes, we’ll have a whiskey on the rocks.” He points between you and himself, “and he’ll drink whatever you give him, I’m sure.” Ash laughs. 

“I’ll do vodka and ginger.” Luke orders. 

You spend 65% of the flight in Ashton’s lap, Luke occupying the seat next to you. He’s being as reassuring as possible but every time the plane so much as jostles from turbulence, you’re freaking out. So, he holds you tight, murmurs that you’re ok, and kisses your cheek. “Hope you enjoy this more on the way back.”

You both watch Luke flirt with the flight attendant, and you’d be more worried except you know for a fact that the first thing Luke is gonna wanna do when you get settled is get naked. But you feel the jealousy radiate off Ashton as Luke continues to flirt with her, touching her, making little comments. 

“Sucks not to be the center of his world.” Ash murmurs to you. Both of you situated to look out of the window instead of at Luke. 

“We’re both still the center of his world.” You assure him, “sometimes he just needs other people in his orbit.” You chuckle. 

“He found the only two people that would love each other just to love him.” Ash smirks. 

“You don’t believe that?” You challenge. 

“I think… Luke is someone who needs attention, and he doesn’t mind sharing my attention with you, but when I focus on you, it can be too much for him.” 

“I don’t disagree but I was talking about loving each other to love him.” You chuckle. “I think I would have wound up loving you if we’d met without Luke.” You shrug, daring to actually lean in to look out the window. Ash tightens his grip on you. 

“I haven’t thought of it, honestly.” He hums. 

And to no one's surprise, Luke whines about wanting to order in, and begging to go down on either of you. Somehow, Luke has become the most submissive, getting himself down to his underwear, unbelieving that either of you wouldn’t want a thing from him at the moment. 

“Why didn’t you get the flight attendants number?” Ashton teases, you and him unpacking. 

“I didn’t want her.” He whines.

“Coulda fooled us, baby.” Ash laughs. “You couldn’t have been more all over her.” 

“What about you two?” He groans. 

“Love. The food menus are in the kitchen, top drawer across from the sink. Go find something you wanna eat.” Ash says, shooing Luke. 

“Don’t fuck my girl.” Luke warns, narrowing his eyes. 

“I’ll do whatever me and our girl wants.” Ash warns, “now go.” Ashton rolls his eyes. “He’s a needy one.” He says when Luke is out of ear shot. 

“Not really news.” You chuckle. 

“I want to talk to you about something.” Ash mentions moving closer. “I wanna put Luke between us.” His hands push up under the hem of your shirt, “but I think you’ll need to bring it up to Luke.”

“Like?” 

“Luke fucks you, while I fuck him.” He says quietly, kissing you. “I know we’ve been playing with the dynamic a little bit. You a little less sub and a lot less pawn, but I don’t think he’ll be able to control himself… having both of us.”

“God.” You sigh, “his hips forced by yours? Will I survive?” You chuckle, rubbing your hands along his biceps. 

“To wreck you both would be the goal.” He admits, smiling, pulling you in closer. 

“Ooh daddy… keep talking dirty to me.” You grin, reaching for the buttons on his shirt. 

“Luke would be so mad if we did anything right now without him.” Ash chuckles. 

“And Luke played grab ass with the flight attendant for half the flight… besides, you just taking care of me, no questions asked for the flight today. Really hot, and I’m ready for you to just bend me over this bed and rail me.” You admit. 

“Can’t argue with that, now can I?” He chuckles, pressing his lips to yours. “I like this side of you where you ask for what you want.” 

“I’ve found I have a better chance of getting what I want, and I dunno… you’ve made me more confident in myself.” You shrug. 

“What kind of daddy would I be if I didn’t give my baby what she needed?” He wonders aloud. 

“The absolute worst.” You nod. 

“I’m not bending you over this bed though.” Ash says, pulling your shirt over your head. You start kissing him and he works on getting the both of you naked before settling in the middle of the bed. He holds his hand out and pulls you into him, swiping the tip of his cock through your wet folds, before pulling you down on top of him. “Figured it’s about time for me to have you like this.” He murmurs, kissing you, “stay quiet for me?” 

“Yeah, Ash I will.” You agree, ‘daddy’ didn’t seem appropriate for this kind of intimate. 

You tuck your face against ash’s neck as the two of you work together. He groans when your little whines start to reach his ears. “Hey, look at me.” He whispers, waiting for your eyes to meet his. You look up and press your lips to his. He holds the back of your head to hold you close. “Needed this with you.” He murmurs. 

“Me too.” You agree, slightly nodding and gripping into him. 

“Still gonna fill you with cum for Luke though.” He smirks. 

“I’d expect nothing less.” You laugh. “Like this.” You hum, pressing your lips back to his. 

“I do too.” He groans. “I never thought we’d get here.” He mumbles into your mouth. 

“Fuck.” You whine, head falling back, exposing your neck. Ash moves his lips along your skin, making small marks that’ll be covered by hair or a shirt collar. 

“C’mon pretty girl, give it to me.” He murmurs. He can tell you’re close, you’re digging in your nails and letting out small moans. He knows Luke must be able to hear you two, and he’s probably pouting. Not daring to come back and make a scene since he’d been sent away. 

“Yeah…” you breathe, nodding your head. “Fill me up Ash. Fill me with your cum.” You moan, you press your cheek to his, letting your whimpers fill his ears. 

He groans louder than he means to when you squeeze around him. “Fuck fuck fuck…. always so good.” 

“Please ash,” you moan. 

“M’right there pretty girl.” He bites your shoulder and you feel the hot cum start to spurt into you, his groan rumbles against your skin. Ash is quickly tilting you back, “keep your hips up for me, wanna keep as much cum as we can in you for Lukey.” He whispers, kissing you. He pulls out slowly and you hold your hips up. He climbs off the bed and grabs your panties, helping you put them back on, he pulls them into place and then helps you off the bed, you watch him clean his cock, and then pull his underwear and a pair of athletic shorts on. He helps you slip his button down on and he chooses a few buttons in the middle to button. 

The two of you walk out to the living room, hand in hand and Luke is clearly pouting. 

“Did you pick something to eat?” Ash asks, pulling you to the couch to sit with Luke. 

“D’you guys fuck?” He retorts. 

“I wouldn’t say we fucked, no, but if you’re gonna continue to be a little shit then I’ll happily clean baby girl up.” 

You watch Luke’s eyes narrow at Ashton and then he turns and looks at you, his eyes fall to your thighs and he grabs one and pushes it aside, seeing the wet spot seep through the thin cloth. “You full of cum, pretty girl?”

“Yeah.” You nod, watching him. 

“I want Thai. Menus on the counter.” He murmurs, eyes not leaving you. 

“Mmkay. I’ll order, I trust you’ll take care of the mess?” Ash smirks, he hears Luke’s slurping begin almost immediately after he leaves the room. And he’s not surprised when he walks in and sees you with your ass on the edge of the couch, panties on the floor and Luke on his knees. Ash sits next to you, “Lukey.” He murmurs. “How is it?” Luke's eyes flicker to him momentarily and he grins, he makes eye contact with you while he pushes two fingers in to scoop out cum. “You better give her another orgasm baby.” Ash warns. 

Ash enjoys watching you two, he likes Luke on his knees even if it isn’t for him. “Lukey.” You whimper. 

Ash gently caresses your face, wanting your attention, “feel good pretty girl? On that already sensitive clit?” He asks, and you nod. “Give her another finger Luke.” 

“She’s already got two.” He murmurs. 

“She can take 3.” Ash assures him. Luke follows directions and slips a third finger in you, causing you to gasp. Ash kisses your bottom lip, pushes his hand down your body and tangles his fingers in Luke's hair. “Stick your tongue out.” He says to Luke and he does, “now you, my pretty little thing, get your orgasm.” It takes you a minute to get what he means but then you’re working your hips against Luke’s tongue, simultaneously fucking his fingers in the meantime. “That’s it, look at you two.” He grins. “Get yourself off. Use Luke like daddy does.” He encourages. He uses his free hand to pull you into a kiss, swallowing your moans and whimpers meant for Luke. “Look at how bad you want it.” He grins. “Just came for me and now look at how bad you need to cum for Luke. My pretty little sluts.” He grins against your mouth. 

Your hips stutter a bit, “fuck, Lukey.” You whine. You relax, resting back into the couch. 

Luke continues to work his fingers in and out, gently licking at where your juices are spreading on your thighs and around your opening. He pushes up off the floor and sits next to you, he pulls his fingers out and you holds them up, Ash leans across you and starts sucking on them, his hand pushes over your thigh so he could grab Luke’s cock. When Luke pulls his fingers from Ash’s mouth he leans in and kisses him. You can feel Ash’s hand working on Luke’s cock, the Pre cum leaking onto your thigh. 

There’s a knock on the door and Ash pulls from the kiss. “Finish him.” He murmurs, “kiss him. He needs it.” He kisses your cheek and pulls away from both of you. 

Luke whimpers and you reach over and grab his cock. His lips immediately find yours. You pull out of the kiss and watch him, watch his face scrunch up, lips part. “Wanna ask you something.” You murmur, kissing on his neck while jerking him off. 

“Anything you want, baby girl.” He groans when you swipe your thumb over his slit. 

“Wanna put you between Ash and I.” You admit, pulling back as he continues to look for your lips. 

“Can we come back to this?” He moans. 

“Babes, food.” Ash calls. 

“I’m almost there!” Luke whines. 

You hear Ash coming back toward you. “Thought I told you to kiss him.” He murmurs to you, reaching over the back of the couch and replacing your hand with his. “Let him cum on you.” 

You lean in to kiss Luke like Ash wants and Luke bites your lip and then goes on the suck on it before pulling out to moan. You feel his hot cum coat your thigh, “good boy Lukey.” You grin at him, “thank you.” 

Ash swipes his finger tips in Luke's cum and holds them up to your mouth. You suck the cum off Ash’s fingers. 

“Let’s get you two cleaned up so we can just relax tonight.” Ash grins. 

The next couple days are mostly for relaxing, Ash sleeps in, you and Luke explore all the little shops in the neighborhood, letting Ash get some much needed r&r. 

“C’mon babes.” He says, rousing you and Luke from a very snuggly cuddled position on the couch. “We’re gonna do some shopping in the city.” He says, smacking your ass. You yelp, and slowly push up off of Luke. “Go get changed.” And sends you and Luke off. 

“Hey, I had a question.” Luke says, pulling on a tight pair of black jeans. ‘Mmm’ you hum, turning to him. “The other night, you said something about getting me between you and ash?” 

“Oh, yeah… just like…  you’d be getting fucked by him while you fuck me?” You shrug, picking a lacy bra to pull on. 

“She says so nonchalantly.” He smirks. 

“What? It sounds fun for all of us.” You give him innocent eyes. 

“You sure you can take that?” 

“The goal would be to wreck you.” You move closer to him and rub your hand over his cock. “You in my tight, wet pussy… ash filling you the way you love.” 

He lets out a low groan. “Yeah… yes.” He nods, “let’s do it.” 

You bite your lip, “mmmkay, I’ll talk to ash.” You squeeze him and then finish getting dressed and throw on some makeup. 

When you walk out ahead of Luke, you grin at Ash, “he agreed.” 

It’s actually a long day, a lot of flirting between the three of you, Ash getting you in as much lingerie as possible and you of course showing it off for them, Luke got some new pants that showed off his ass. 

“Lukey’s got a nice Peachy ass, huh daddy?” You smirk in the empty fitting room area as Luke shows them off for the two of you. Ash watches as you cock your head to the side and Luke turns back to you two. 

“Do we like?” He checks. 

“We love, peachy.” You murmur. 

“I like that.” Ash admits. “Peachy. They look good.” 

“That ass don’t quit.” You laugh. 

“No it does not and thank god for it.” Ash laughs.

As Luke’s changing you tug on Ashtons shirt, “can we go home?” You ask quietly, “I’m kinda tired.” 

“Of course babe, you wanna get dinner first or go straight home?” 

“I wanna go straight home.” Luke mentions, standing in front of you two, ready to go. You nod in agreement. 

Ash pulls out his wallet and gives you one of his cards, “you two go check out; and I’ll go order something for delivery.” He hands Luke the few items he was getting and then heads off, while you two head to the registers, card in hand.

“Today was fun.” Luke hums, resting his hand on your back. “Nice to see Ash relaxed.” 

“Yeah, it is. Don’t think I’ve ever seen him so relaxed.” You smile at Luke. 

“I forget there was what now seems like a whole life before you.” He murmurs and looks at you for a minute, then leans in to kiss your forehead. “But we're lucky to have you and we both know it. We’re better with you.” He assures you. You squeeze your arm around Luke’s waist. 

You guys get home as the doorman is leaving the food in the kitchen. Ashton thanks him and tips him and you send Luke to the bedroom with the bags and work on getting plates out. 

“You tryin to have Peachy between us tonight?” You ask. 

“Yeah, if you’re up for it. You said you were tired.” 

“Well… trying to keep up with both of your attention like that was a lot.” You laugh. “And I wanted to get home.” You wink at him, “color preference for the night.” 

“Want you in black.” He nods, “and Yeah, guess we don’t usually tag team you with that much attention.” 

“It’s usually me and you with Luke.” You laugh. 

Ash pulls you into a kiss, “we gotta treat our girl.” He murmurs. 

“Y’all are too good sometimes.” 

“No such thing, I love taking care of the two of you. Now. I want you to go put on something sexy, black, easy to get off, and then throw on one of my t shirts and we’ll get started with dinner, and I’ll start teasing our boy… peachy.” 

You grin and head off, crossing Luke in the hall. “Where are you going?” He asks. 

“Just gonna put on something more comfortable to eat noodles in.” You gesture to your tight jeans. He nods and leaves it be, heading back out to Ash. 

You take your time choosing the right black lingerie. You know your best features and you know what parts make Luke happiest and what makes Ash happiest, and ultimately it didn’t matter, just a means to an end. 

You head back out, swallowed in one of Ashton’s hoodies and take your seat between them. You eat, laughing and making conversation. Very rarely do you have silent moments between the three of you. And then you’re up, “anyone thirsty?” You ask, reaching for a cup. 

“Yeah, let’s do wine though.” Ash mentions, getting up too. He comes up behind you and his hands snake up under the hoodie, first feeling along your panties, “crotchless, nice.” He whispers, and then moving his hands up over your body, bare except the lacy push up bra you’d put on. “Daddy approved baby girl.” He nibbles your ear and then goes for a bottle of wine and you grab the glasses. “What do you guys wanna do tonight?” Ash asks, uncorking the wine. 

“I think there’s already a plan brewing.” Luke smirks at the two of you. “The question you asked, the peek of lace I saw when you sat down, Ash all over you… tonight’s the night? I’m between you?” He asks. 

“Is that what you want peachy?” You ask. 

“I honestly couldn’t think of anything I’d want more.” 

“I was hoping you’d say that baby boy.” Ash grins. “Logistics might be a little weird at first… but let’s clean up and see what we come up with babes.” Ash smirks. 

The bottle of wine makes it to the bedroom, Ash actually grabbed a second. “Want this to be fun, but good.” He admits. 

He kisses you first, pulling you in; and it starts slow. Barely open mouths. His hands slowly move down your body, by the time he grabs your ass, it’s open mouth and lots of tongue. He slowly strips the hoodie off of you. He cups your tits and Luke groans, eyes never leaving the two of you. He holds the back of your neck, kissing you harder before pulling out of the kiss. He slowly turns you toward Luke. “She looks good doesn’t she.” He asks Luke. 

“She always does.” Luke agrees, timidly stepping closer. 

He wasn’t sure if Ash was inviting him, but you reach for Luke and pull him in, “thanks peachy.” You grin into a kiss with Luke. You carefully turn him so he’s between you and Ash. “You want more play baby boy?” You hum against his mouth. 

“Uh-Uh, You fuckers have been teasing me since we got home. I’m fuckin ready.” He growls. 

“Have patience, peachy.” Ashton tsks, grabbing his cock over his jeans. “You have no clue what this is gonna be like.” His other hand gently ghosts over Luke’s neck.” A lot of stimulation.” He pulls his head back for a kiss while you undo Luke’s jeans. “But should be fun… and, you know I love watching you two.” He nibbles on Luke’s ear. Ash pulls Luke’s jeans down, “why don’t you two get started for me?” He asks, gently nudging Luke forward. 

You watch Luke strip, and then he’s scooping his arm behind your back, and pushing you to the bed. He gets you situated on the pillows and leans in for a kiss. “I love having you like this.” He murmurs. 

You push your fingers in his curls and he immediately moves on to exploring your body, hands, lips, anything to drink you in… and then he finds out that your panties are crotchless and his face is immediately between your thighs. 

“Can’t ever resist a chance to eat, can you baby boy?” Ash smirks, coming over and pulling you into a kiss. He unhooks your bra and pulls it off and you suck in a sharp breath when he plays with your tits. 

“This is supposed to be about Luke.” You murmur. 

“It's still about Luke.” He murmurs back, pulling his shirt off. He kneels on the bed, holding you in the kiss. “But you gotta feel good too.” He tangle his fingers in Luke's hair and gently pulls him away from you, “don’t need you too worked up peachy, get her panties off and get in there.” He lets go. 

“So crude.” You smirk, and Luke's scrambling to do as he was asked. You lift your hips as Luke pulls your panties down. Ash works his jeans off while Luke settles between your thigh, pushing his cock in with no warning. “Fuckk peachy.” You whine. 

“You knew  it was coming.” He laughs. 

“Thought you’d give a girl some warning, maybe a kiss.” You smirk. 

“You’re right. I’m sorry baby girl.” He presses his lips to yours, you let out a giggle. 

Ash likes that it’s fun so far, it doesn’t always seem so fun in the bedroom. But he likes all the smiling and giggling that’s going on. 

Luke starts slow and you’re hyper aware of everything Ash is doing. Grabbing the lube, getting naked getting in the bed. “I’m gonna touch you, peachy.” Ash warns. His hand smoothes over Luke’s ass, and Luke's hips stutter and then he just settles against you, but you don’t mind. You tangle your fingers into his hair and kiss him while Ash works on opening him up. “Think you’re ready.” Ash murmurs, 5 minutes later. 

Luke agrees and you watch, him still buried in you, as they work out the logistics and get settled. Luke’s barely holding it together when your thighs are pulled on top of his, with Ash knelt behind him and buried inside as well. His breathing is already shallow and Ash has only pushed in. 

“You ok, peachy?” You ask, reaching up to touch his chest. 

“Yeah…” he sucks in a sharp breath and closes his eyes as Ash slowly pulls his hips back. 

“Daddy filling you so good?” You ask. 

“Yeah…” he barely nods, and Ash’s hips press against his. 

Ash only gives him a couple more slow, shallow thrusts before he’s picking up the pace and it’s having more of an impact on you. He’s holding one if your thighs, and Luke’s hip. Luke’s holding your hand and the headboard and you are trying to touch him in a soothing way. 

Taking Ash was never easy, no matter how many times he’d done it, but it was always worth it. 

“You ok baby?” Ash asks, kissing Luke’s neck. Luke nods, “Mmkay.” The first harder thrust doesn’t do a lot for you, but Luke stopped most of the impact. “Relax peachy, the point is to fuck you both.” He reminds him. 

And Luke does, because the next one gets you, and as they get harder, Ash does more directing. “Rub her clit baby.” He groans, “you feel so fuckin good.” 

When Luke presses his thumb to your clit, you jolt, “fuck fuck fuck fuck.” You moan, “fuck me… fuck us, daddy please.” 

He smirks at you over Luke’s shoulder and then presses another kiss to Luke’s neck, “you ready baby boy? I can feel you’re close, and you know what having your tight ass does to me.” He groans, teeth skimming Luke’s skin. 

“Yeah, yes.” Luke groans, his eyes open and he looks down at you as Ash picks up the pace, fucking him into you. It turns into a mess of moans and skin. “Daddy, fuck… I’m cumming.” Luke barely warns before you feel him start to cum. 

He collapses against your chest and you immediately wrap your arms around him. “So good peachy.” You praise him, kissing his head. You watch as Ash pulls out and starts jerking himself off, quickly finishing on Luke’s back. You pull Luke into a quick kiss. 

And Ash is quickly moving, getting something to clean you up with. He wipes Luke's back, and cleans both of their cocks and finishes cleaning you and Luke up. He collapses on his back in the middle of the bed. “C’mere babes.” He beckons, and you and Luke, lay on either side, cuddling into his chest. Luke’s spent, entirely. It shows on his face and in the way he moves his body. Ash pets his hair and kisses his forehead, and his fingers snake their way between your thighs. You look up at him, and he presses his lips to yours, “you think I didn’t notice you didn’t cum?” He asks. 

“We both noticed.” Luke agrees, throwing his arm across your back. 

“It’s fine, this was about Luke.” You murmur, looking between them. 

“No.” Luke shakes his head and moves closer to kiss you. “You can say it was about me; but it was about all three of us. You’re gonna cum too.” 

“Peachy’s right.” Ash agrees, working his fingers in the slow rhythm you like best with him. You close your eyes and just let him work you, letting out your little whines as Luke leans across Ash’s chest to kiss on your neck and shoulder. 

“Daddy, peachy..” you moan, squeezing around Ash’s fingers. 

“There she is.” Ash grins, letting his fingertips rub gently over your clit a few more times, before pulling his fingers out and holding them up for Luke to lick. 

“This was fun.” Luke murmurs once Ash’s fingers were clean. “Can we do it again sometime?” He settles back next to Ash. 

“Absolutely, if baby girl is down.” Ash agrees.

“Yeah. I’d love that.” You grin.

Taglist: @cocktail-calum​ @1dthewantedlove​ @september09241994 @youngblood199456​ @lustingforwunder​ @calumsphile​ @neso-k​ @rosecoloredash​ @radmcqueen​ @justayoungandwisefangirl​ @itsnotmyblood​ @softboycal @lietoash​ @pushthetide21​ @5sosfanficrec​ @therealmrshale​ @fallfrxmgrace​ @lukashemmos​ @justarandomgirlthatyoudontknow​ @5sos-microwave​ @madbomb​ @sweetheartmendes1000​ @literally-anythin​ @lfwallscouldtalk​ @clemmingstylins0n​ @ccnicole02​ @lustingfor5sos​ @buteverythingiscopacetic​ @rosesfromcth​ @bodaciousbonzi1996​ @ashtontotheirwin​ @captainam-erika-trash​ @xxgendurvikixx​ @jazzyangel242​ @loti18 @bluebabycal​ @rhiannonmichellee​ @iovehemmings​ @glitterycalum1205​ @katcontreras​ @cashtonasfuck​ @ificanthaveu​ @kindahoping4forever​ @talkfastdrums​ @here-for-the-uproars​ @youngbloodchild​ @canterburyfiction​ @opheliaaurora​  @queer-5sos​ @banditocth​​ @babylonbaby13

gc tags: @sublimehood​ @sugarcoated-pain​ @5sosnsfw​ @angelbabylu​ @aspiringwildfire​ @irwinkitten​ @lashtoncurls​ @myloverboyash​ @singt0mecalum​

masterlist || ashton || calum || luke || michael

wanna be tagged? go here

[irwinkitten]

pizza party | m.c

notes: so i had @cashtonasfuck and @pxrxmoore around today and i got struck by pizza delivery guy!michael because we had pizza and our driver was called Michael and yeah. It’s kinda short n sweet, basically I wrote this in less than three hours lmao. word count: 1.7k warnings: soft fluff with a side of lashton.

donate to my ko-fi?

-

It had started with the job he’d taken at eighteen, delivering pizzas to make some extra money. His parents had never minded, but Michael knew they’d expected more from him. But he was working on it, but bringing in some income certainly stopped them from disparaging him immediately.

But four years later, he’d kept the job as his other nine to fives fell through. It had been the most consistent bit of income that he’d managed, and now he did it as extra money after the app he had developed had taken off and he worked on his own timetable.

On his routes, every week there was one place he delivered to around the same time every week. Four large pizzas, one veggie supreme, one meatball feast, one pepperoni and one plain cheese. 

The first time Michael had met you, you’d given him one of the best tips that night, almost fifty dollars to his amazement.

“Hey, you probably get the worst end of the stick some time. Have a good night.” With that, you’d share shy smiles as he thanked you and took the tip. 

“You’re definitely my favourite customer.” The answering laugh he’d received made him feel good. He’d always enjoyed making people laugh, the small burst of pride was worth it. 

For months he always ran that route. And the guy at the pizza place knew better than to give that order to anyone but Michael. They didn’t know about the tips but he’d frequently told them about something the two of you had exchanged. By month two, you’d finally swapped names and he’d left with a joke for you and wishes for a nice evening with your friends.

Soon the small five minute interactions grew to ten, for it to go to fifteen before you were found by one of your friends nearly half an hour after you’d gone to answer the door because you’d been the last one on his route before he was clocking off for the night.

This went on for months. Some evenings being a quick dash because he had more pizzas to deliver and other evenings being longer because he was nearly at the end of his shift.

Then suddenly the order for pizzas stopped. 

And on those Friday nights, he wondered what had happened for it to stop. 

When he’d complained to Calum in a playful manner, Calum had cheekily suggested to go around and find out what the problem was.

“You do realise that it’s things like that which make people fear for their genuine safety, right? We’re not about to be a creep city.” Michael had immediately fired back and Calum had quickly apologised.

After a couple of months, there was a different order. Veggie supreme and a pepperoni pizza to your address on a Saturday night. Keeping his fingers crossed, Michael had knocked on the door, only to be greeted with a blonde haired man, his hair dishevelled and some dark circles under his eyes.

“Hey chicken, pizzas here!” He called back and you appeared at his elbow, eyes falling upon Michael and he let out a breath of air, but he couldn’t explain the sinking feeling in his stomach.

“Still on shift I guess?” You asked quietly and he heard your voice crack, almost as if you’d been crying. 

“Yeah, so a quick stop for me this week. You’re okay though?” He questioned and you gave him a small smile in return.

“Yeah. Thanks Mike.” He didn’t miss how your eyes watered when you took the pizzas from his hands and fled from the front door. The blonde haired guy sighed.

“Thanks man.” He handed the tip over and the door was closed in his face and Michael wasn’t too sure what he was feeling, but he definitely noticed that the need to settle in and binge on ice cream was definitely tied with how he was feeling.

And so began the Saturday night runs rather than Friday night ones. 

Occasionally blondie, who he’d learned was called Luke would answer the door, other times it was you, but you never stayed long, and every time Michael saw you, his worry increased because you looked, to simply put it, exhausted.

It seemed that the universe was against you since every time you’d ordered, it was always towards the start of his shift since Saturdays he worked the late shift. 

Sometimes when you showed up to help Luke, he tried to ignore his feelings, deciding it would definitely come off as creepy if he tried anything, not to mention that you clearly had to be dating Luke. But he couldn’t stop the sharp ache that appeared when he had to rush away for his next delivery.

But then a different man opened the door, jet black hair which had been dyed, and a face of thunder as he studied Michael before it clicked and he started grinning.

“Are you on a late shift again?” The question threw Michael for a loop, but he shook his head. “Good, hey babe! Cute pizza boy is on his last pizza call.” This time, Michael felt confused. Was this your boyfriend? 

Suddenly, Luke appeared with you being practically frog marched to the front door, your eyes studying the floor.

“When you get them to actually talk, we’ll let you both in for this pizza.” The door slammed shut and Michael was not only confused but concerned. You, however, scowled at the door before sitting on the doorstep, so he hesitantly did the same.

“Bad day?” 

“No, just pushy friends who think that because they're in love, I need to go for my happiness.” Michael immediately blushed before letting out a breath of air.

“Sometimes going for your happiness isn’t so bad... but your friends could maybe lay off a little.” You snorted at his words before shifting and resting your head on his shoulder.

Michel stiffened, definitely feeling confused and this time concerned that this was some kind of prank or dream, but you didn’t move.

“I’m your cushion now?” He hesitatingly asked, earning a snort from you. And then it fell back into the attitudes you shared with each other before you’d not ordered anything for weeks.

“Since you’re surprisingly comfortable, yes. Also you haven’t been my weekly therapist for a while.” There was a bitter laugh added on from you, but Michael heard the hurt in your voice.

“Didn’t realise that my drivers license also included therapy.” He teased and this time you giggled.

“Only for your favourite customer though, no one else.” You added on quickly.

“Of course. My favourite customer could probably get away with murder and they’d still be my favourite.” He nudged you in return and you gave off a soft laugh which transformed into a sob, the noise startling and alarming Michael.

Unsure of what to actually do, he simply let you cry on his shoulder, offering a tissue as you offloaded the emotions before sucking in sharp breaths to get the sobs under control. He didn’t know what he could say, but once you started to calm down, he held his hand open to you, and felt his lips curve into a smile as you took it.

“So since I’m your therapist this evening, what happened to cause that?” 

And suddenly you were talking. You were talking about the group of friends who had come around every week for pizza, how they had been your solid friends for years and how they’d broken your heart, started rumours and spread lies and how everyone else had either had a go at you, blown up at you or just ignored you.

And he felt his heart break a little for you as you told him everything they did or said. And now the lack of pizza nights made sense.

“Is it bad of me to say I’m glad it was those friends and not the two in your house? I kinda suspected you and blondie were together and that he’d hurt you.” The tease was enough to earn him a weak and watery giggle.

“Luke? Nah, he and Ashton have been together for the three years. They’re my best friends and the only ones who haven’t abandoned me. They stayed the last couple of weeks because I just wasn't functioning. Luke refused to leave and Ashton stayed because he knew his boyfriend was right. They’ve been the best to me.” You admitted quietly and Michael squeezed your hand gently.

“Good. I’ve been worried about you. Seeing you in near tears the last few weeks has kinda sucked.” The admittance was met with a gentler hand squeeze from you and a softer sigh.

“Reckon you’d share those worries over dinner with me on Monday night?” The question had caught Michael off guard for a moment, his brain catching up to your words.

“Like a date?” He wasn’t sure what prompted him to make the clarification, but you chuckled and finally moved your head off his shoulder to look at him.

He studied the way your eyes had rimmed red and the tears had dried on your cheeks, but he still felt his heart leap as you offered him a small smile.

“Exactly like a date. And even if that doesn’t work, I want us to be friends. You seem wonderful and I’m annoyed that I didn’t get your number sooner.” This made Michael laugh at your almost rueful look.

“I guess it’s a date then. Want me to pick you up at a particular time?” 

“They’ll be ready by six at the latest!” Came through the door and you groaned, before sighing.

“They mean well, I promise.” Michael simply shook his head before standing up and helping you up.

“I get it. It’s good to have them, even if they’re too curious.” He raised his voice a little, only to earn muffled laughter in return.

“So, see you the day after tomorrow?” And the way your voice had turned shy and your fingers fiddling with the hem of your shirt, he felt his heart melt a little bit.

“Absolutely. I’ll be here for six and we’ll go somewhere fun, no pizza involved at all.” And the easy smile that he gave, seemed to relax you as the door opened and both Luke and Ashton stood with wide grins.

“See you then Mikey.” You called to him as he made his way back to the car, calling his own farewell in return before the door shut and he sat in his car for a moment before he felt the butterflies erupt.

Now he had a date to plan.

-

taglist:   @sexgodashton, @goth5sos, @malumsmermaid, @empathycth, @wildflowergrae, @calpops, @rosecolouredash, @cakesunflower, @loveroflrh, @clockwork124, @cal-puddies, @stellar5sosrecs, @ashtoniwir , @cthwldflwr, @cthla, @calmlftv, @spicycal, @liketheydidwithyou, @sc0ttish-wildfl0wer, @bluehairedtracii, @drummerboy794, @feliznavidaddycal, @ukulelecal, @thecurlsofgod, @converse-luke, @madbomb, @ccnicole02, @youngblood199456, @megz1985, @lukesidentitycrisis, @snapback-irwie, @neonweeknds, @666yourwitchyfriend666, @cashtonasfuck, @ashtaway, @conquerwhatliesahead92, @itjustkindahappenedreally, @kchillout, @damselindistressanu, @colormekaykay, @findingliam-o, @sublimehood, @singledadharrington, @sugarcoated-pain, @singt0mecalum, @calumspeachy, @colourfulcalum, @lostincalum, @burncrashbromance, @asht0ns-world, @flusteredcliffo, @ixcantxdecidexwhosxmyxfave, @fangirl-everythang, @lashtonswildflower, @lashtondaddies, @calumssunshine, @ambskiwi, @abundant-stars, @myescapefromthislife, @lmao5sosimagines, @beyoncesdragon, @jae-writes-fanfiction, @cxddlyash, @tresfandom, @niallisworld, @lietomevalntyn, @babylon-corgis, @monochrome44, @behind-my-hazeleyes27, @lyllibug, @bloodmoonashton, @ghostofmashton, @a-little-less-sixteen, @cashworthy, @smokeinherlungs​, @longlastingdaydream​, @h0tsos​, @sadistmichael​, @sugar-nico​, @sunnysidesblog​, @angel-cal​, @samros95​, @maluminspace​, @lukeinblue​, @britnicole11​, @gigglyirwin​, @everyscarisahealingplace​, @loverofcashton​, @iovehemmings​, @g-l-pierce​, @jannimoeller3​, @wildmichaelflower​, @lukeskisses​, @youngbloodchild​, @abb-lan-5sos​, @calumsbub​, @flameraine​, @mateisit-balsamic​, @ilovelukey​, @castaway-cashton​, @musiclover1263​, @alloutofcashton​, @tobefalling​, @sarahshepherdblog​, @cassie-sos​, @possesedperson​, @treatallwithkindness​, @wonderlandiswhereitsatyo​, @pinkbubbles-and-bigtroubles​, @ashtonlrwin​,

-

if u wanna be added or removed from the taglist just hmu!

[calumcest]

fight so dirty but your love’s so sweet

[ao3]

SO i participated in a fic event with a bunch of other very talented writers where we all took a prompt and had to include a phrase in the fic. my prompt was lashton - bad boy so...here is what i managed to come up with 

the masterlist of all the fics for this event can be found here 

this fic would be absolutely nowhere without @calumsclifford and @5sosnsfw i owe them an eternal debt of gratitude for their help with coming up with ideas and listening to me scream about it for days on end because i just could not write it and also to jex for betaing for me i owe you my soul at this point i think 

also i literally said when i started this i was going to struggle to keep it under 10k but honestly what do you expect from me? brevity? absolutely not. on the topic i want it to be known that i finished this fic at exactly 4:58pm and it is due at 5pm will i ever change? no. keep your expectations of me low and we will all do just fine 

-

Luke hates a good ninety-five percent of his job. 

A solid thirty percent of that comes from the fact that he works as a receptionist at a hotel, which he thinks is possibly the most thankless job humanity could possibly have created. A further ten comes from the fact that his desk is right next to the kitchen, meaning mouth-watering smells are constantly wafting under his nose, and Luke’s not allowed to eat on shift. 

Fifty-five percent of it, though, is Ashton.  

Ashton doesn’t work at the hotel, but Luke’s pretty sure he’s there more regularly than half of the staff who do. He’s Calum’s friend, or they live together, or they’re in a gang together, or something, because Calum is how Luke knows Ashton’s name. Ashton will always slouch against Luke’s desk, cigarette tucked behind his ear, and then Calum will come out of the kitchen and Ashton will push himself off the desk and walk out with him. Luke’s never spoken to Calum, but he knows Calum’s boyfriend Michael works as a concierge on night shift, and that Michael doesn’t like Luke’s organising system. Luke doesn’t like Michael’s, and especially doesn’t like that he has to rearrange his entire desk every day when Michael’s shift ends at nine a.m. Neither of them is willing to be the first to give in, although privately Luke thinks that if Michael ever said a word to him about it he’d fold and let Michael have his shitty system and probably, like, Luke’s house, or something. Luke’s not very good at confrontation or standing his ground. 

Here’s the thing, though. Luke kind of likes Ashton. He likes the way Ashton’s black curls fall into his face and he doesn’t seem to care, likes the way his hazel eyes light up when he smiles, likes the way he gesticulates a lot when he talks. Ashton’s hot, and Luke’s lonely, and lusting over hot guys from afar is pretty much how he’s lived his entire life.  

However, Luke doesn’t like people leaning against his desk, which is one thing Ashton does. He also doesn’t like strangers speaking to him outside of a professional capacity, which is another thing Ashton does. He especially doesn’t like when he’s trying to deal with a difficult guest and Ashton takes it upon himself to tell them to go fuck themselves, because then Luke’s job is made ten times harder.  

“I’m so sorry, sir,” he says, hurriedly, as Ashton leans back against the desk, leather jacket rubbing noisily against the wood. 

“Excuse me?” the guest says to Ashton, halfway between incredulous and infuriated. Ashton shrugs. 

“You heard me,” he says coolly. “Go fuck yourself.” 

“Sir, I sincerely apologise,” Luke says, almost begging. “Of course I can refund you for breakfast. Which room number should I process the refund for?” 

“Who are you?” the guest says, and Ashton pushes himself off the desk, drawing himself up to his full height. 

“You wanna know who I am?” he says. His tone might be lazy, his face might be carefully slack, but his hazel eyes are hard, an edge of a threat in the way he cocks his head. 

“I want your name,” the guest blusters. “I want to file a complaint for your behaviour.” Ashton’s lips quirk up in an amused smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. 

“I’d be happy to introduce you to my boss,” he says, taking another step closer to the guest. The guest takes a small step back, stumbling as he does, and Ashton edges closer, baring his teeth in a grin. “But I can’t promise you’d come back in one piece.” 

“Your room number?” Luke says, trying to diffuse the situation, and it only comes out as half-squeaky, which is pretty good going for him. 

“Uh, actually, it’s okay,” the guest says, words tripping over themselves in their hurry to leave his lips. “Um. Thanks.” With that, he turns on his heel and speedwalks out of the lobby. 

Well. Fuck. 

Ashton watches him leave, then grins, pleased with himself, and turns back to Luke. Luke swallows, feeling himself flush under the heat of Ashton’s gaze. 

“You’re welcome, pretty boy,” Ashton says, when Luke says nothing. Pretty boy. Luke hates when Ashton makes fun of him like that.

“Thanks,” Luke mumbles, even though he absolutely doesn’t mean it. Guests like that never just leave it; his manager will be getting a strongly worded email later, and Luke’s going to get fucking reamed for it. 

“You’re fucking cute when you blush,” Ashton comments casually, sauntering back over to Luke’s desk. Luke doesn’t know what to say to that, never does, so he says nothing, pretending to be completely preoccupied with making a note for James, the guy on evening shift, to process the refund for the guest anyway. He’s not sure why the guy waited until five p.m. to ask for a refund for breakfast, but whatever. James’s problem now, not Luke’s. 

With two minutes left to go on his shift and Ashton’s eyes burning into the back of his head, Luke busies himself with gathering his things together so he won’t have to look at Ashton. He can feel Ashton’s eyes follow him as he gets up and shrugs his coat on, and wishes Calum’s shift would hurry the fuck up and end already. Luke always has to wait an extra couple of minutes for James, who’s always late, and Calum’s usually out of the door at five on the dot. 

Sure enough, as Luke watches the clock on his computer tick over to five, the door to the kitchen bangs open and Calum strides out, face splitting into a grin when he sees Ashton. 

“How’d you get here?” he asks, and Ashton pushes himself off Luke’s desk again to fall into step with Calum.

“Took Michael’s bike,” he hears Ashton say as they walk out. “Mine’s still in the fucking shop.” 

“He’s going to be pissed if you get him another tick-,” Calum says, cut off when they walk out of the lobby. James passes through the door they’d pushed open as it swings shut, and Luke lets out a heavy sigh of relief. 

“Would it kill you to get an earlier train?” he asks James as he pulls his bag off the chair, even though this is early for James. 

“Maybe,” James says. “Haven’t tried it, just in case.” Luke rolls his eyes, shouldering his bag. 

“See you tomorrow,” he says. “I’ve left a couple of notes for you.” James nods, sitting down in the chair and pulling the keyboard towards him. 

“See you,” he says. Luke nods, starting to walk away, when James shouts- “Hey, Luke!” 

“Huh?” Luke spins around to see James holding out a scrap of paper. “What?” 

“You left this,” James says, waving the paper. Luke frowns. 

“No I didn’t,” he says. 

“Well, it says Luke on the front,” James says, arm still outstretched. Luke hesitates for a moment, because he really hasn’t left anything behind - he’d checked meticulously when he’d been packing, anything to avoid Ashton’s gaze - before crossing the room back over to James and taking the paper from his hand. 

“Thanks,” he says. James makes a ‘don’t mention it’ hand movement, eyes already on the computer screen. 

Luke’s eyes flick down to the piece of paper in his hand - it does indeed say ‘Luke’, which kind of surprises him, although he’s not sure what James would have had to gain from lying about that. 

“You’re going to miss your train,” James says, not looking up from the screen, and shit, he is. Luke pockets the note and heads towards the doors of the lobby. 

“Wouldn’t miss it if you would fucking get here on time,” he says, pushing the doors open. 

“Fuck you!” James sing-songs after him, and Luke grins as the cool May air hits his face. 

 -------

 Luke forgets about the note in his pocket until he shoves his hands in his pockets to protect them from the biting wind on his way from the station to his house. He curls his fingers around the paper so he doesn’t forget about it, not wanting to lose it to the wind that’s howling in his ears, only letting go even when he has to unlock the front door.

As soon as he’s safely inside and has kicked his shoes off and chucked his bag down next to the sofa, he pulls the note out of his pocket and unfolds it. 

Golden boy, 

Golden curls, golden smile, golden heart. You burn me with how bright you shine, drown me out with your smile. 

What I wouldn’t give for you to see me. 

- AFI 

Luke stares at it. 

What the fuck? 

This has to be some kind of a joke. AFI? Like the fucking band? Luke doesn’t even listen to them. Or, actually, maybe there’s another Luke this is intended for. Luke does work as a receptionist, after all. Maybe someone dropped it off, wanting him to pass it on to a guest called Luke. It’s a pretty common name, so that’s not out of the bounds of possibility. 

Yeah, Luke thinks, folding the note back up carefully and putting it back in his pocket. He’ll check the list tomorrow morning, and see if there are any Lukes staying at the moment. 

 -------

 Michael’s always gone by the time Luke gets to the desk, even though Luke gets there ten minutes early every day. Luke often wonders how long Michael’s actually at work, whether he just fucks off at eight when things start getting slow after the early morning checkouts have gone. 

The start to the day is usually slow, which is good since Luke always has to reorganise the entire desk from the way Michael’s trashed it (seriously, who puts the returned room keys in alphabetical rather than numerical order?). It takes him until half-past to sort that out, cross-referring the guest database to the keys and hoping some deity takes pity on him and curses Michael to the ninth circle of Hell. By then, a steady stream of people are going in for breakfast, and Luke starts getting his first red-eye check-ins. 

The note completely slips his mind (again) until a lull at half-past three makes him decide to check his phone, which is in his jacket pocket. His fingers brush the paper as he reaches in, and he suddenly jolts, remembering he’d been meaning to look up all the Lukes currently staying at the hotel. 

Phone forgotten, he pulls the database up again, and does a quick search for Luke. Four names flash back at him, and Luke sits back, sort of satisfied, sort of disappointed. Some part of him had kind of hoped there weren’t any Lukes staying, and the note had been intended for him. The last time anyone had said anything nice to Luke was probably, like, a good three years ago. And it was probably his mum. 

He sets a note next to all four Lukes for himself, James and Michael to ask whether they’d been expecting a message when they check out, and then pushes the note from his mind and gets back to work. 

He barely even notices the time pass, so focused on answering emails, until there’s a tapping at his desk. He looks up, a customer-service smile already plastered on his face, only for it to slide off when he sees Ashton. 

“No need to look so happy to see me, pretty boy,” Ashton says, flicking a lighter on and off idly, but his eyes are twinkling. Luke swallows, and turns back to his screen. 

“Good afternoon,” he says politely, typing out a reply to a booking request and steadfastly not looking at Ashton. Ashton leans against Luke’s desk, leather jacket rubbing loudly against the wood, and Luke wishes he had the balls to tell him to stop. 

“I’m not a guest,” Ashton says. “You don’t have to be polite to me.” Yeah, but I’m kind of terrified of you, Luke thinks sourly, as he nods primly. 

“I’m on shift,” he says. “I’m polite to everyone.” Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Ashton’s lips quirk up in a grin. 

“I bet you are,” he says, pulling the cigarette from behind his ear and putting it between his lips.

“Um- you can’t do that in here,” Luke says, as Ashton flicks the lighter on again and lights the cigarette. Ashton looks up, arching an eyebrow. 

“Oh?” he says, around the cigarette. “Are you going to stop me, pretty boy?” Luke opens his mouth, and then closes it again, because who the fuck is he kidding? He’s not going to say shit. The fire alarm will speak for him, anyway. 

Ashton smokes in silence for a few minutes, and Luke thanks God that five isn’t a popular checkout time, so he doesn’t have to deal with guests throwing Ashton (and Luke) dirty looks. Five more minutes until Calum comes out, he tells himself. He can make it through five more minutes. 

“Do you smoke?” Ashton asks after four and a half minutes have passed, out of the blue. Luke blinks at him for a moment, realising Ashton’s talking to him. 

“Uh, no,” he says. Ashton cocks his head. 

“Shame,” he says. “Bet your lips would look good around a cigarette.” 

Luke has absolutely no idea how to respond, because he never knows what to say when Ashton mocks him like that, but he’s saved from answering by the door to the kitchen slamming open and Calum walking out, already grinning before he even sees Ashton. 

“Mate, I got a pay rise,” he says, as he and Ashton set off without a backwards glance. 

“Who’d you fuck for that?” Ashton asks, laughing as he dodges a punch to the arm from Calum. Luke just stares at them as they walk away, still bickering about Calum’s pay rise, wondering why Ashton gets such a kick out of making fun of Luke. His thoughts are cut short, however, when the fire alarm suddenly starts blaring. 

“Oh, fuck,” he says, scrambling to his feet and sprinting to the box to press the reset button before guests start piling down the stairs. 

Grace sticks her head out of the kitchen door, frowning. 

“Wasn’t us, I swear,” she says, seeing Luke pressing the reset button like his life depends on it. 

“I know,” Luke says. 

“Why does it smell like smoke in here?” 

“Uh, does it?” Grace’s frown deepens, and then there’s a shout from the kitchen and her head disappears again. The fire alarm finally stops, just as James walks through the door, giving Luke a confused look as he ambles over. 

“They burn toast again?” he asks, because none of them are ever going to let the kitchen live that one down. Luke shakes his head, and James wrinkles his nose. “Hey, why’s it smell like smoke out here?” 

“Don’t know,” Luke says as he shrugs his coat on, hoping there’s no ash on the carpet, or anything. “I’ve got to go, I’m going to miss my train. See you tomorrow.” 

“Hey,” James says, holding out another piece of paper. “Stop leaving shit behind.” 

“That’s not mine,” Luke says. James frowns at it, and then at Luke. 

“Says your name on it. 

“Yeah, I think it’s for a guest,” Luke says. “I made a note in the system. There’s four Lukes here right now.” James’s brow remains furrowed. 

“No, I think it’s for you,” he says. 

“I’m pretty sure it’s not,” Luke says. 

“Take it.” 

“I have to go.” 

“Well, take it with you.” Luke rolls his eyes, but he doesn’t have time to argue with James anymore because he really is going to miss his train, so he just snatches the note out of James’s hand and makes a mental note to bring it back tomorrow. 

“Don’t miss your train,” James calls, as Luke speedwalks towards the door. Luke just flips him off over his shoulder, hunching into himself as the cold May wind wraps itself around him. 

 -------

 This time, Luke reads the note on the train. 

Golden boy, 

I try not to look at you, as if you were the sun, but I see you, like the sun, even without looking.

Let me bask in your sunlight. 

- AFI. 

Luke frowns. 

He knows those words. That’s Anna Karenina, with the pronouns changed. Someone’s quoting Tolstoy to whoever this mystery Luke is that these notes are intended for, and Luke’s kind of a little bit envious. He wants someone to write him romantic, literary love notes. 

Whatever, he thinks, shoving the note back into his pocket with a little more force than strictly necessary. He hopes whichever Luke gets these notes appreciates them, and the effort Luke’s putting into getting them to him. 

 -------

 There’s a note in the system when Luke gets to work the next day. 

not luke evans - michael 

Okay, Luke thinks, clicking on the three remaining Lukes still checked into the hotel. Their checkout dates are all in the next couple of days, so Luke still has time to get the notes to whichever one it is. He’s put both scraps of paper in a corner of the desk, folded carefully so the name is clearly visible, lest James or Michael forget about them.  

He clicks off the Luke Evans note, and another note pops up. 

stop fucking with the room keys - michael

Luke’s kind of outraged at that. There’s literally nothing that makes any less sense than organising the room keys alphabetically rather than numerically. It takes more time to do anyway, because it means cross-referencing the key number to the guest database. He’s not sure whether Michael’s joking or just a masochist, but either way, Luke’s not having it. 

Stop putting them in fucking alphabetical order then. - Luke 

He presses enter before he has the time to second-guess it, because this is a topic that’s close to his heart, and if Michael actually fucking listens it’ll save Luke half an hour every day. He quashes the instant flare of fear that forces its way up his throat the minute he’s made the note, because he’s a little bit terrified of Michael, and clicks onto his emails, ready to make a dent in his already-full inbox. 

It’s a Friday, which is one of the busiest days at the hotel, so Luke’s checking people in and out for most of the day. His cheeks hurt from politely smiling by the time it starts to slow around four-thirty, and he has to stop himself from sighing when a shadow appears over him twenty-five minutes later. He’d hoped that was it for guests for today.  

When he looks up, though, he’s confronted with Ashton, leaning against his desk with a grin on his face. He’s not sure whether that’s better or worse than another guest. 

“Afternoon, pretty boy,” Ashton says. He’s got his usual leather jacket on, and his hair is all fucking windswept, and Luke doesn’t think he should be this attracted to someone he doesn’t know and is a little afraid of, but whatever. 

“Afternoon,” Luke says politely, averting his gaze and hoping Ashton doesn’t see the slight blush creeping up his cheeks. Ashton’s gaze flicks over to the pile of room keys Luke’s still got to wipe.

“Busy day, huh?” he says, indicating to the room keys with a tilt of his head. Luke just nods, and keeps typing. “Y’know, I sometimes wonder if I should quit the day job and become a receptionist.” 

“Oh,” Luke says, because what the fuck else can he say? 

“Yeah,” Ashton says. “Probably wouldn’t be nearly as much fun, though.” Luke purses his lips. He’s not sure whether Ashton’s trying to shit on Luke’s job, big up his own job, or get Luke to employ him. Luke’s not in charge of hiring, anyway, and if Ashton’s hoping he’ll put in a good word, he’s got another fucking thing coming. 

“Right,” he says eventually, when it becomes clear Ashton’s waiting for some kind of response. He kind of wants to know what Ashton does for a living, given that he seems to have the time to hang around waiting for his friends during normal working hours, but he’s far too shy to ask. Plus, what if the answer’s, like, assassin, or something? 

He doesn’t end up needing to ask, though, because Ashton supplies the answer for him. 

“I work at a bar,” he says, flashing Luke a grin. “Barback.” 

“Not bartender?” Luke asks in surprise, before he can stop himself, because Ashton doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who’d be content to not be the centre of attention. Ashton laughs, and Luke’s stomach flips at the sound. He’s not really sure why it makes something warm fizz through his veins, why it makes him want to make Ashton laugh again. 

“Not trained,” he says. “I’m just working off a debt.” And, okay. Luke’s not really sure he wants to know what said debt is. No debt that needs to be paid off by barbacking sounds like one Luke needs to hear about.  

“Right,” he says again, hoping he doesn’t sound as flustered as he feels. 

“You should come by sometime, pretty boy,” Ashton says casually. “Bar’s on King Street.” 

“Oh,” Luke says. “Thanks. Yeah. Maybe.” Jesus Christ. His job is talking to people - why the fuck is he suddenly so bad at it when it’s a hot (and mildly terrifying) guy?  

“You can drink on the house,” Ashton says, eyes twinkling, “as long as you give me your number afterwards.” Luke feels his mouth drop open slightly, stuttering as his mind tries to both process what Ashton’s said and string together some syllables in response, but then the door to the kitchen slams open and Calum stalks out, looking furious. Luke jumps at the sound and shrinks into himself a little at the irate look on Calum’s face, but Ashton just looks over his shoulder lazily. 

“Afternoon,” he says idly, falling into step with Calum, who doesn’t even pause.  

“You come on Michael’s bike again?” Calum says, and Ashton nods. “Good. Fucking crash it on the way ba-” The door swings shut behind them, cutting him off, and Luke stares at where they’d been standing two seconds ago in surprise. What the fuck could Michael have done that was so bad Calum wanted Ashton to crash his bike?  

Luke shakes himself out of it and starts shoving his things haphazardly in his bag, because he’d been too distracted by Ashton to remember to pack, and as he’s wrapping his scarf around his neck, James ambles through the door. 

“Fucking cold out,” is how he greets Luke, from underneath his scarf. Luke indicates to his own.  

“It’s May, mate,” he says. James rolls his eyes, pink-cheeked from the wind, and tugs his scarf off as he walks behind the desk.  

“See you tomorrow,” Luke says, heading for the door. 

“Stop leaving your fucking notes behind,” James says, before Luke’s even got halfway there, and Luke rolls his eyes before spinning on his heel to face James. 

“They’re not for me,” he says. 

“They are,” James says, holding the note out. “Why else would whoever’s leaving them leave them here?” 

“Because they don’t know the room number of the Luke they want?” Luke suggests. James rolls his eyes. 

“They could ask.”

“Maybe they want to remain anonymous.” 

“They’d be anonymous to this hypothetical Luke, anyway, because they’re dropping it off at the reception,” James points out. 

“Well, I-” 

“Take the fucking note, Luke.” Luke scowls, but James isn’t going to let this go, and Luke doesn’t have the time to argue or he’s going to miss his train, so he just rolls his eyes and snatches the note from James’s outstretched hand. 

“Hope you make it,” James calls behind him as he starts to jog towards the door, and Luke just flips him off without looking back. 

-------

 Golden boy, 

Your lips are on my mind day and night, night and day. I wonder just how many other hearts they’ve sent racing. 

You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how. 

- AFI.

Luke frowns at it. Huh. Gone With The Wind. Whoever this AFI person is knows their literature, and Luke’s trying his best not to be impressed by it. 

Whatever, he thinks, shoving the note back into his pocket and trying not to be too sullen about the fact that some Luke out there is getting romantic, literary notes written for him. He’ll put it with the others on the desk on Monday. 

 -------

 Luke’s weekend is spent watching movies and eating junk food, with a little feeling sorry for himself sprinkled into the mix, so he’s feeling pretty well-rested by the time he gets into work on Monday morning. He steps through the door at ten to nine, shakes out his umbrella before slotting it neatly into the umbrella stand, and heads over to the desk that Michael has already vacated, as usual.  

There are two notes in the system for him when he fires it up. 

not luke johnson - michael 

alphabetical order makes it so much easier to sort through fuck you - michael 

Luke scowls at the screen, tapping out a reply before he can think better of it. 

How does it make it easier to sort through?! You have to cross-refer everything to the database!! - Luke 

He clicks off the notes, mentally crossing out a second of the four Lukes, which reminds him to set the third note on top of the other two in the corner of the desk for James and Michael to see. 

Besides Fridays, Mondays are the busiest days for check-ins and checkouts, so Luke’s face is already aching from the polite smile plastered on his face by ten past two. He’s idly rubbing at his cheeks when the door to the lobby swings open, and Ashton comes striding in, looking somewhere between furious and concerned. Luke starts in surprise, checking the time to be sure he’s not, like, missed two hours of the day somehow - nope, definitely ten past two - but Ashton doesn’t even stop at Luke’s desk, doesn’t even spare him a glance as he heads for the door to the kitchen. 

“Um- you can’t go in the-” Luke starts, but he’s cut off by the door to the kitchen banging shut behind Ashton. Luke stares at it, and then sighs. Whatever, he tried. 

He turns back to his screen, expecting to hear Calum and Ashton striding out of the door any minute, laughing and joking and nudging each other, but the door stays shut. Instead, after Luke’s read the email in front of him at least three times, mind elsewhere, he hears raised voices shouting in the kitchen, although he can’t make out what they’re saying. 

He clears his throat, and reads the email again. This isn’t any of his business, he tells himself, trying to focus on just what week Ms Barnet wants to book seven rooms. Ashton’s perfectly capable of looking after himself. 

(He vaguely registers that maybe he shouldn’t be more worried about a stranger than about his colleagues, but whatever.) 

The voices get louder and louder, still muffled by the kitchen door, and Luke strains his ears to try and hear what’s being said (he’s pretty sure he can make out a bunch of fucks). After a good two minutes, the door slams open again, making Luke jump, and Ashton walks out, Calum leaning into him, an arm slung over Ashton’s shoulders. 

“...can fucking look after myself,” Calum’s saying irately, as Ashton strides towards the door, Calum limping at his side. Ashton’s got his arm around Calum’s waist, clearly supporting his entire body, and Luke tries his best not to think about how strong Ashton must be to do that. 

“Look after yourself? You fucking fainted, Calum, and they let you keep working!” Ashton says furiously. 

“I’m fine, Ashton, I told you, I’m fucking fine,” Calum spits, and Ashton growls, like, literally growls. Luke swallows, hard. 

“Oh, sorry, Doctor Hood, want to show me the medical degree you’ve got to back up that opinion?” Ashton says sarcastically. 

“Fuck you, Ashton, seriousl-” the door swings shut behind them and cuts off their conversation, leaving Luke staring at where they’d been standing half in surprise, half in arousal. 

Okay, so he might have just discovered he has a bit of a thing for protective men. Or, maybe he’s just discovered he’s got a bit of a thing for Ashton. Which, frankly, isn’t much of a discovery, more of a confirmation. 

He shakes his head, trying to erase all the images this has conjured in his mind, and resolves to look into getting laid as soon as possible.

 -------

 Luke scours his desk before he leaves on Monday, but there’s no note. He finds himself a little disappointed for a moment, because it’s kind of nice to be able to kid himself that the notes are for him for a minute or two, before James finally arrives and he’s able to push it out of his mind in favour of shouting at James for being a whole ten minutes late. 

On Tuesday, Luke finds himself tensing up around ten to five, but Ashton never comes and Calum never leaves. There’s no note on Tuesday either, and Luke wonders whether maybe the fact that the mystery note-leaver isn’t getting any responses from the mystery Luke has disheartened them, and immediately feels guilty that he hasn’t tried hard enough to get the notes to the right Luke. The thought is forced out of his mind, however, when James arrives (half an hour late) announcing that the trains are all cancelled because of some signal failures and he’d had to carpool to work, so Luke needs to, like, call an Uber, or something. 

“Fuck’s sake,” Luke says, because he really can’t afford an Uber all the way home. 

“I know,” James tells him, sitting down in the chair heavily. “At least you’re not the one who’s going to be dealing with pissed off guests.” Luke has to concede there. 

Luke goes to the station anyway, in the vain hope that the Sydney Trains will actually fulfil their single function as a transport service, and is informed by an overwhelmed-looking station guard that it’ll probably be another three hours before they’ve sorted out the problem and got all the trains moving again. 

Great, Luke thinks, as he walks out of the station and into the cold mid-May air. Where the fuck is he supposed to spend the next three hours? 

He wanders around aimlessly for a while, sits down on a bench in Hyde Park for about ten minutes before the wind starts threatening to take his nose from him, wanders around some more, and then, because the universe wants Luke to lose the will to live entirely, it starts to rain. 

Great. 

Luke ducks into the nearest building - a bar, he can make that work - and shakes the water out of his hair, chancing a glance at the bar itself. Seven isn’t too early to order himself a shot, right? 

He stops short, however, when he sees who’s behind the bar. 

Ashton. 

He’s about to turn on his heel and walk out - he’s dripping wet, in a terrible mood, and Ashton’s terrifying on the best of days - but it’s too late. Ashton’s already spotted him, face splitting into a grin, beckoning him over to the bar. Fucking hell. 

Luke edges over hesitantly, trying to surreptitiously arrange the curls around his face - fucking rain, honestly - giving Ashton a hesitant smile as he gets to the bar. 

“Didn’t think you’d come, pretty boy,” Ashton says, still smiling, as Luke reluctantly sits down on the bar stool opposite him.

“Um,” Luke says, glad that the bar is poorly lit so Ashton won’t see the blush creeping up his cheeks. “It’s raining.” That doesn’t dim Ashton’s brilliant smile at all, though.

“I remember saying you could drink on the house,” he says, eyes twinkling.  

“Conditionally,” Luke says, without thinking. Ashton looks at him for a moment, and then laughs. Luke’s stomach flips, heat pooling low in his abdomen - Jesus, someone as hot as Ashton shouldn’t be allowed such a cute laugh.  

“Is giving me your number such a burden?” he says, grinning. Luke flushes, and looks away. He doesn’t get why Ashton gets such a kick out of making fun of Luke like this. He’d thought he’d left the days of people pretending to be into him for fun behind in high school. 

Ashton seems to sense Luke’s trepidation, and leans back from the bar. 

“Relax, pretty boy,” he says. “I don’t bite.” Luke can’t help the sceptical look he sends Ashton’s way, and it’s met with a dimpled grin. “Okay, I do, but you’ve gotta pay for the privilege.”  

“I don’t have any money,” Luke says, because it’s true. That’s the whole reason he’s here in the first place; he can’t afford the fifty dollars it’d cost him to Uber home. 

“Well, lucky for you, I’m in a generous mood,” Ashton says, leaning against the cupboard behind him. “What’ll it be?” Luke hesitates. On the one hand, he really doesn’t have any money, and if Ashton reneges on his offer, Luke’s kind of fucked. On the other hand, he’s had a shitty day, he’s still got an hour until the signal failure might be fixed, and he wants a fucking shot.  

“Tequila chilled, please,” he says eventually. “But I thought you weren’t a bartender.” Ashton’s lips quirk up in a grin, as he reaches for the tequila and a glass. 

“I’m not,” he says, raising an eyebrow. “But what are you going to do, tell on me?” His tone is both amused and challenging, and Luke swallows. They both know Luke’s not going to do shit. 

“That’s not chilled,” is all he says weakly, when Ashton pours the tequila straight into the glass. Ashton laughs, and pushes the glass towards Luke. 

“Try it,” he says. Luke stares at it, wrinkling his nose, and Ashton grins. “C’mon, I’m not trying to poison you. You’re far too pretty for that.” Luke bites his lip, but picks up the glass and glances at the clear liquid in it warily. He doesn’t even know Ashton, he thinks. This might be, like, straight hydrochloric acid, and Luke would be none the wiser until his oesophagus disintegrated. 

Despite his better judgement, though, and largely due to the heat of Ashton’s gaze, Luke raises the glass to his lips and tips the tequila down his throat, wincing as it burns down his throat. It’s warm, and it really does burn, but it burns in a good way, kind of peppery in his mouth, and Luke finds he doesn’t actually mind the aftertaste. 

“Huh,” he says, as he sets the glass back down, staring at it in surprise. 

“Told you,” Ashton says smugly. “Want another one?” Luke hesitates, and Ashton rolls his eyes, but he’s grinning. “On the house, pretty boy. You look like you could do with one.” Luke nods, and Ashton pulls the glass back towards him and pours him another shot. Luke watches him pour, trying not to think about the way his fingers are curled around the neck of the tequila bottle. He blames it on the alcohol making its way through his veins, ignoring the fact that it’s far too soon for it to have had an impact.  

Ashton pushes the glass towards Luke, who takes it and downs it without a second thought. Ashton laughs again when he sets the glass back down on the bar, eyes crinkled at the corners. 

“Rough day, huh?” he says. Luke, fingertips tingling, cheeks a little warm, nods. 

“Yeah,” he says. 

“Guess that’s what happens when I don’t show up for a day,” Ashton says, eyes glittering, and there’s something behind the humour on the surface that Luke can’t quite put his finger on. 

“Is Calum okay?” Luke asks, without thinking. Ashton looks at him for a moment, surprised, and then nods. 

“Took him to hospital,” he says. “Doctor said he should rest for a few days, but he’d be fine. He’s kind of pissed about it.” Luke can’t help the snort that escapes him, and Ashton’s lips curl up in a smile. 

“He sounded pretty pissed at you,” Luke says, as Ashton pulls the glass back towards him and pours Luke another shot. Jesus. Luke’s not even going to make it on the train at this rate. 

“He was,” Ashton says nonchalantly. “But Michael would have been more pissed if I hadn’t picked Cal up from work, and I’d take Calum’s wrath over Michael’s any day.” Luke wrinkles his nose. 

“Michael has a terrible organising system,” he says, swirling the tequila around in the glass. 

“He says the same about you,” Ashton says, which makes Luke start in surprise. 

“He knows who I am?” Ashton gives him a funny look. 

“Of course he knows who you are,” he says. “You’re day shift.” 

“Oh,” Luke says. “Day shift. Yeah. That’s me.” 

They lapse into silence for a while, Ashton gazing at Luke like he’s trying to work something out, Luke staring through the bottom of the glass and wondering whether he really should take this shot or not. 

“Are you afraid of me?” Ashton asks, eventually. His tone is even, and his face is calm, but Luke sees the tension in his posture, the hardness in his eyes. 

(Luke takes the shot.)

“Uh,” he says, when he sets the glass back down on the bar. “I’m afraid of everyone.” It’s not technically a lie, and Ashton considers it for a moment before shrugging. 

“I’m not trying to trick you, pretty boy,” he says, and he’s aiming for casual but Luke hears the seriousness beneath it. 

“I didn’t say you were,” Luke says, now definitely a little buzzed. Ashton cocks his head and narrows his eyes, gazing at Luke.  

“You don’t trust me,” he says after a moment. Luke shrugs uncomfortably. 

“I don’t know you,” he says. Ashton scrutinises him for another moment, and Luke desperately wishes he had something that wasn’t Ashton or his hands to stare at, before Ashton grins. 

“Let’s change that,” he says. 

“Huh?”

“Ask me anything you want to know,” Ashton says, putting his elbows on the bar and leaning forward. His hazel eyes glint in the dim light of the bar, and Luke parts his lips to respond, but finds himself too caught in the brown-gold-green. 

“Uh,” he says intelligently, shaking himself out of it when he remembers that hello, staring at hot and intimidating guys is kind of a bad idea. “What?” 

“C’mon,” Ashton says, eyes sparkling with amusement. “There’s got to be things you want to know about me.”  

“What’s the catch?” Ashton laughs, tipping his head back, and God, Luke wants to mark up that throat. Jesus. He makes a mental note for the future that tequila at seven p.m. is a no-go. 

“You really don’t trust me, huh?” Ashton says, grinning. “Well, I was just going to let you ask, but...how about I get to ask questions in return? Quid pro quo.” Luke swallows. 

“Okay,” he says, because what’s he got to lose? 

“But you have to be honest,” Ashton says seriously, and Luke nods. He’s a shitty liar, anyway. “Alright. You first.” Luke’s eyes widen, and Ashton looks at him expectantly.

“Uh. What- what’s your favourite colour?” he asks stupidly. 

“Seriously?” Luke shrugs, averting his gaze to the glass still sat between the two of them. “Okay. Green. Why don’t you ever speak to me when I’m at the hotel?” 

“I’m on shift,” Luke says automatically. “What’s your favourite food?” 

“Carbonara. Do I bother you?” Luke hesitates. He’s tipsy enough that he can’t lie, but still sober enough that he doesn’t want to potentially aggravate Ashton by being too honest. 

“Yes and no,” he says after a moment’s consideration. “When’s your birthday?” 

“Sixteenth of July,” Ashton says. “What do you mean, yes and no?”  

“Yes, because I’m trying to work and you’re really fucking distracting, no, because you’re-” Luke coughs, feeling himself flush. “Uh. Do you have any siblings?” 

“A brother and sister,” Ashton says. “Because I’m what?” Luke swallows. 

“Give me another shot,” he says, and Ashton laughs.  

“I think you’ve had enough,” he says, grinning. “You still need to get home in one piece, pretty boy.” Which, shit, what time is it? Luke pulls his phone out of his pocket - fuck, ten to eight, the trains might be back up and running by now - and pushes himself off the bar stool. 

“I’ve got to go,” he says, steadying himself against the bar as his vision spins from standing up too fast. “Uh. Thank you? For the drinks.” 

“Hang on,” Ashton says, catching Luke’s arm as he turns away. Luke’s skin burns red hot under Ashton’s warm, calloused fingers, and he tries not to let it make him even giddier. “You owe me a number.” 

“I don’t know my number,” Luke says, and Ashton frowns.  

“Hey,” he says, sounding a little concerned. “You can say no.” 

“I’m not saying no,” Luke says. “I’m saying I don’t know my number.” Ashton blinks at him for a moment, and then drops his arm. 

“You’d say no if you meant no?” he says, like he’s not quite sure he believes Luke. Luke nods. 

“That’s why I’m not saying no,” he tells Ashton, and then his stomach lurches, because fuck, that might have been a bit too forward for Luke, even in his mildly inebrieted state. “Uh. I really do have to go. Thanks.” Ashton nods, leaning back against the cupboard behind him and folding his arms. Luke closes his eyes so he won’t have to stare at Ashton’s biceps. 

“See you around, pretty boy,” Ashton calls, as Luke turns on his heel and heads for the door as fast as he can without looking suspicious.  

The cool May wind crashes over him when he stumbles outside, and Luke gulps in the crisp air like a drowning man. 

Jesus Christ, he thinks, tipping his head back and letting his eyes flutter shut. Hopefully Calum has to stay home for a long enough time that Luke can legally change his name and move to Perth, or something. 

 -------

 On Wednesday, Luke checks a tired-looking Luke Newham out. 

“Thank you very much, sir,” he says politely, when Luke Newham hands his room key over. “Oh, by the way - we had a number of notes arrive for a Luke in the hotel. Were you expecting anything?” Luke Newham looks surprised.  

“No,” he says. “Definitely not for me.” Luke frowns, and nods, and mentally strikes Luke Newham off the list. 

Well. It’s got to be Luke Byrne then. 

On Thursday, Luke arrives to find a note in the system from James on Luke Byrne’s guest data.  

Told you they were for you. - James 

Luke frowns, and reaches for the three notes folded carefully in the corner of the desk. 

Golden boy. Surely that’s not Luke? Okay, he thinks, looking at the first note - golden curls, yeah, he’s got blonde hair, but besides that? Golden smile, golden heart? If whoever is leaving these notes thinks Luke’s customer-service smile is golden, he’s going to have to recommend a lobotomy. And, he thinks, shuffling to the second and third notes, nobody could think he shone like the sun, nor have their hearts sent racing by his lips. Luke just isn’t that person for anyone, never has been.  

He spends the whole day puzzling about it, so consumed in trying to make sense of the situation that he doesn’t even realise how fast the time is going until the door swings open at ten to five, Ashton already grinning as he walks over to Luke’s desk. 

Oh, fuck. 

Luke hasn’t seen Ashton since the night at the bar, and he’s been trying his best to keep Ashton out of his mind, too. He’d nigh-on had a panic attack when he’d thought back to their conversation in the shower the next morning, so he’s counting the repression as being for health and safety reasons, which is definitely permissible. 

However, he can’t avoid Ashton at work. 

“You look happy to see me, pretty boy,” Ashton remarks, leaning against Luke’s desk, that one fucking curl falling in his eyes, and Luke forces the trepidation off his face. 

“Long day,” Luke says.  

“Need another pick-me-up?” Ashton asks, lips quirking up in a grin. Luke wills his blood to remain where it is and not rush to his cheeks, and averts his gaze back to his screen. 

“No,” he says, and then thinks it might have come out a bit curt, and adds, “thank you.” 

“Well, you know where to find me if you change your mind,” Ashton says. Luke nods tightly, and taps out a response to an email. 

“Michael says someone’s been receiving mystery notes,” Ashton says after a moment, far too casually. Luke’s eyes snap to him, and narrow.  

“What?” he says. Ashton shrugs. 

“Says someone’s been leaving notes for a Luke, and you’re trying to find who it is,” he says. Luke hesitates, then nods. 

“Well, they’re for a Luke, but I’ve checked with every Luke that was staying here when they came,” he says. “So. I’m going to check whether there are any Lukes due to arrive soon.” 

“You ever stop to consider it might be you?” Ashton asks, amused. 

“Well,” Luke says. “I mean. No? Like, I’ve thought about it, but- I’m not, y’know. That kind of person. I mean. Nobody, like.” He shrugs uncomfortably, wishing he’d never opened his mouth in the first place. 

“Nobody what?” Luke sighs. 

“Nobody would do that for me,” he says, all in a rush. Ashton raises an eyebrow. 

“Oh?” he says. “Says who, pretty boy?” Luke opens his mouth - to say what, he’s not quite sure - but they’re interrupted by the kitchen door banging open, Calum striding out, beaming. 

“I’m going to do it,” he says to Ashton. 

“Good,” Ashton says, pushing himself off Luke’s desk. “Only taken you a decade.” 

“Are you fucking mad, as if he would have said yes when we were sixte-” 

“See you tomorrow, pretty boy,” Ashton calls, and Luke starts in surprise. Ashton never says goodbye, forgets all about him as soon as Calum comes out. 

“Uh,” Luke stammers, “bye?” Ashton throws him another amused glance over his shoulder, and falls in step with Calum, who’s saying something about how he had to wait for the right time, okay, sixteen is way too young, even if he already knew back then. 

Luke stares after them for so long after the door has closed that his eyes start to water. 

Ashton doesn’t say goodbye to Luke. It’s one of the universal laws of, like, life, or something. The sky is blue, the Earth is round, and Ashton doesn’t say goodbye to Luke. Luke’s honestly not sure what to make of it - does Ashton think they’re, like, friends now, or something? Is he just trying to unnerve him? Yeah, it’s probably that, he thinks. Ashton clearly gets a kick out of making Luke flustered, and throwing him a curveball like that is a surefire way to do it.  

When Luke finally tears his gaze away from the door and back at the desk, he notices another scrap of paper to the left of his computer screen. He reaches for it, frowning at the Luke on the front, and opens it. 

Golden boy, 

Doubt thou the stars are fire; Doubt that the sun doth move; Doubt truth to be a liar; But never doubt I love. 

- AFI. 

Hamlet. AFI is quoting Hamlet. Not just that - he’s quoting a lesser-known part of Hamlet, which means he’s either googling ‘romantic quotes to put in anonymous love notes’ or he’s well-read. Luke decides to choose it’s the latter, because the idea of that makes his heart skip several beats.

Although, to be fair, that might just be him jumping in shock when James slams his bag down on the desk. 

“Got your daily note?” James asks, seeing the piece of paper in Luke’s hand. Luke flushes, and folds it back up. 

“It’s not mine,” he protests weakly, getting to his feet, and James rolls his eyes. 

“We checked every Luke in the system,” he says. “Who the fuck else is it going to be?” 

“Maybe it’s for a Lucas,” Luke suggests. “Maybe Luke is a nickname.” James pinches the bridge of his nose. 

“You’re fucking impossible,” he says, holding his hand out. “Let’s see it.” Luke hesitates, and then drops it in James’s hand and busies himself with getting his things together so he won’t have to see the look on James’s face as he reads. 

“Put it on top of the pile,” Luke says, his back to James as he shrugs his coat on. 

“Luke,” James says, like Luke’s the stupidest person alive. Luke resents that. “This is about you. This is about you doubting the notes are for you.” 

“It’s not,” Luke says. 

“You’re doubting a note written about how you shouldn’t doubt the notes?” James says, eyebrows raised. Luke scowls into his bag. 

“Fine,” he says, turning around to face James. “And what if they’re for me?”

“Then we find out who’s leaving them,” James says, swinging himself into the chair and spinning around. 

“How?” James shrugs. 

“You’re going to miss your train,” is all he says. Luke scowls, and flips him off. 

“Get an earlier fucking train,” he calls, as he jogs towards the door, because shit, he really is going to miss his train. 

“No can do,” James shouts after him, and Luke flips him off again, almost shutting his finger in the door as it closes behind him. 

 -------

 Luke can’t sleep. 

He’s been lying in bed for two hours, tossing and turning, but he can’t get the notes out of his mind. 

What if they are for him? Luke’s barely even stopped to consider the idea - no, he’s actively stopped himself from considering the idea, because there was no way they were for him, and it would have been stupid for him to build up that kind of hope only for it to come crashing down. 

But now that they’ve checked every Luke in the system, he has to toy with the idea that maybe, just maybe they are for him. Sure, they could be for a Lucas, or for a Luke that’s still to arrive, but the rational part of his mind tells him that the likelihood of that is incredibly low. Logically, he knows he’s looking for other explanations because the idea that they could be for him just doesn’t compute. Luke’s not someone who gets romantic notes. Luke’s not someone who gets romance full stop - the most romantic thing anyone’s ever done for him is pay for his cab home from their place. 

(He still thinks about Nick fondly.) 

And if they are for him, that opens up a whole new can of worms. Luke’s barely even given any thought to who AFI might be, because he’s been telling himself the notes aren’t for him. But now that he’s starting to entertain that notion, that question is crowding into every corner of his mind. 

Is it a reference to the band? Is it some kind of cryptic musical reference that Luke’s somehow supposed to understand? Or maybe it’s someone’s initials? AFI are pretty unusual initials, he thinks. He doesn’t think he knows anyone with a name starting with F, or a surname starting with I. Maybe it’s double-barrelled? 

He sighs, and rolls over onto his side, trying to put all thoughts of the mysterious author of the notes out of his mind. There’s nothing he can do about it now, and running in circles in his head clearly isn’t helping. He’ll just have to pay better attention tomorrow, see who’s dropping pieces of paper on his desk. 

You know, a little voice in his mind tells him as he’s on the verge of falling asleep. Ashton starts with an A. 

Luke pushes the thought away and allows sleep to envelop him. 

 -------

 On Friday morning, Luke pushes the door to the lobby open, yawning from his lack of sleep, and stops short. 

Michael’s there. 

He’s standing by the desk, hands on his hips, looking distinctly irritated. 

“Oh,” Luke says, completely bewildered. Michael’s never there. 

“I’m specifically supposed to give you this,” Michael says, thrusting a hand out. As Luke edges closer, he sees a piece of paper in it, the same scratchy handwriting spelling out his name on the front. 

“From who?” he asks. 

“Can’t tell you,” Michael says shortly, dropping the note in Luke’s hands and hoisting his bag over his shoulder. “I’ve left the keys in alphabetical order, and if you fucking mess them up again, I’m going to have Calum commit a fairly serious crime against you.” Luke clenches his teeth, watching Michael as he saunters out of the room without waiting for a response from Luke (not that he would have got one anyway), only dropping his gaze to the note in his hand when the door closes behind Michael. 

Okay, he thinks, unfolding the note, and trying to ignore the way his heart is racing and his fingers are fumbling with the paper. So the notes are for him. 

Golden boy, 

Maybe I’ve been too subtle with these. Maybe you needed the pomp and blare, and not the old friend through quiet ways, the seeming prose. 

- AFI. 

Luke frowns at it, sitting down in his chair and pulling up a browser on the computer. He’s not really sure whether these are AFI’s own words, or whether it’s a quote from something he hasn’t read before. However, a quick Google informs him it’s a (very butchered) line from Anne of Avonlea, which immediately makes Luke’s heart jump a little, because who outside of bookworms reads any further than Anne of Green Gables? Jesus, Luke’s already a little in love with AFI, and for all he knows it could be James playing a prank on him. 

And, like, okay. The notes are for him, and it makes Luke’s palms sweat a little just to think about. AFI thinks he’s a golden boy. AFI thinks he’s worth sending romantic literary notes to, and wants him to know they’re for him. 

And, more importantly, Michael knows who AFI is. 

Luke stews on that all day, thoughts stumbling over each other in their haste to get to the forefront of his mind. Why wouldn’t Michael tell Luke who it is? Why is AFI so keen to remain anonymous? Are they embarrassed to like Luke? Actually, that would explain a lot, and Luke can’t really fault them for it. He’s not exactly anyone to show off to friends and family. 

He’s so preoccupied that by four-fifty he’s only about two-thirds through the emails he should have answered, but as soon as he feels the familiar presence of Ashton looming over his desk, he knows he’s not going to get anything more done. He sighs, leaning back, and looks up at Ashton, who’s grinning at him. 

“Afternoon, pretty boy,” he says, looking particularly pleased with himself for some reason. Luke decides not to ask. 

“Hi,” he says. 

“You look pensive,” Ashton remarks. Luke shrugs, a little uncomfortably. What the fuck is he supposed to say to that? Yeah, you wouldn’t happen to know who dropped a note off for Michael to give to me this morning, would you? Cheers, mate. By the way, I’ve wanted to fuck you for, like, six months, and your presence is getting a bit unbearable, so would you do me a favour and not show up again until I’m out of this dry spell? 

“Uh,” he settles for. Close enough. 

“Heard you met Michael this morning,” Ashton comments, examining his fingernails. 

“Yeah,” Luke says, even though he’s met Michael before. “He’s, uh.” Bitchy? Luke’s not sure insulting Ashton’s friends is the best idea he’s ever had, so he says nothing. Ashton seems to get it, though, and just laughs. 

“Yeah, he’s like that,” he says. “But he’s lovely when you get to know him.” 

“Right,” Luke says doubtfully. Ashton just grins, and reaches for the cigarette behind his ear. 

“Uh,” Luke says. “You can’t smoke in here.” 

“Oh?” Ashton says, raising an eyebrow, cigarette already halfway to his lips. “What are you going to do about it?” Luke opens his mouth, and closes it again. Then, suddenly-

“I’ll give you my number if you don’t,” he blurts, and then immediately feels himself turn an impressive shade of red. Ashton’s hand stills for a moment, and then he grins, and tucks the cigarette back behind his ear. 

“If I remember correctly, you owe me your number anyway, pretty boy,” he says, but he’s still smiling. 

“You almost gave me a hangover,” Luke says, but he’s reaching for the phone in his coat pocket anyway, if only to spare himself from having to look at Ashton. Jesus Christ. What the fuck came over him? 

“Not my fault you’re a lightweight,” he hears Ashton say, and he scowls, unlocking his phone and pulling up his own contact. He spins back around to his desk and pulls a piece of paper towards him, scribbling the numbers down at the top. He hesitates, and then writes Luke at the top, even though Ashton clearly knows his name. He’s not sure how many numbers someone as attractive as Ashton must be receiving on a daily basis, so it can’t hurt, right? 

He pushes the piece of paper towards Ashton, who takes it with a grin, reading the numbers at least three times. 

“You know, I know your name,” he remarks. 

“I know.” Ashton glances back at the numbers again, and looks like he’s going to say something else, when the door to the kitchen opens. 

“You come on your bike?” Calum asks Ashton, who nods. “Good. I’ve picked out a few places I think might have good ones.” 

“In your budget?” 

“Fuck you,” Calum says, as they start off towards the door. “I got a raise, remember?” 

“And you still think Michael’s going to say yes when he hears how you got it?” Ashton says, sounding amused. 

“He already knows,” Calum says dismissively, pushing the door open. “And it’s not like he’s above threats of violence himself.” 

“I’ll text you, pretty boy,” Ashton calls over his shoulder, just before the door shuts behind him. 

Luke’s glad the door’s between them, or he might do something stupid like shout yes, please do, and please fuck me while you’re at it after Ashton. 

Jesus, he thinks, putting his head in his hands. Ashton’s got his number. He’s given Ashton his number. He, Luke Hemmings, had the gall to give the hottest guy in the entirety of Australia his number. 

Whatever, he tells himself, packing his things together. Ashton’ll probably forget to text him, anyway. Luke’s not exactly high up on anyone’s to-do list. 

 -------

 Much to his surprise, Luke’s first text from Ashton comes on Saturday evening. 

0491570156  Evening, pretty boy. 

Luke looks over at his phone lazily when it chimes, not intending to answer his mum when Mike Ross is about to get found out as a fraud by Jessica, and jerks upright when he sees the nickname. 

Hi. 

Hey. 

Hi :)

Hi! 

Hi 

Luke types and erases each one. Too serious, too enthusiastic, too childlike, not cool enough. By the time he’s decided to just bite the bullet and go for Hey, Ashton’s typing again, and Luke erases it all and waits with bated breath. 

0491570156 You typing an essay or something?

Shit, Luke forgot Ashton could see when he was typing. God, he’s going to have to start typing on Notes, or something. 

Me Sorry. Hi 

It’s terrible, but so is Luke, so it’s fitting. He clicks off the chat so he won’t have to see Ashton typing, and saves him as a new contact, by which time Ashton’s sent another message. 

Ashton You sound pleased to hear from me 

Luke swallows. He’s not sure whether it’s just because it’s over text, but Ashton sounds kind of pissed. 

Me I am!  

He erases that immediately. 

Me I am, I’m just surprised 

He bites his lip, and then thinks fuck it, takes another gulp of his wine, and adds a line. 

I’m also pretty bad at talking to people. 

Ashton’s reply is instantaneous. 

Ashton You’re cute when you’re flustered 

Ashton Although honestly, you’re cute all the time

Me I’m flustered all the time

Luke stares at the screen, willing Ashton to respond, heart beating wildly. He’s not exactly known for his flirting prowess. 

Ashton Damn...thought I was special 

Luke inhales deeply, and types without letting himself think about it. 

Me Never said you weren’t the reason I’m flustered all the time 

This time, Ashton replies immediately. 

Ashton Good :) I was starting to think this was all one-sided 

Luke lets out a shaky exhale. What’s that supposed to mean? 

He’s halfway through typing out a message along those lines when another text comes through. 

Ashton Sorry, my shift is actually about to start. Wasn’t expecting you to reply so quickly 

And then another: 

Ashton See you around, pretty boy 

Luke stares at it, and then puts his phone down, slightly dazed. 

He’s not going to think about this until he absolutely has to. 

 -------

 ‘Until he absolutely has to’ turns out to be about ten p.m. on Sunday night. 

Ashton Hey, pretty boy

Ashton I’m on my break 

Luke jumps when his phone chimes, and grabs for it with fumbling fingers. 

Me How’s work?

Ashton Oh, you know 

Ashton Only had to kick out one guy so far 

Ashton So pretty good 

Luke huffs out a laugh. 

Me Pretty sure that’s a bouncer’s job, not a barback’s 

Ashton I’m a good multitasker 

Okay, Luke doesn’t have, like, a thing for bouncers, but the idea of Ashton squaring up to some drunk guy and throwing him out is kind of doing something to him. He blames it on the fact it’s late, he’s tired, he’s desperate, and Ashton’s far too attractive for his own good. 

Me Clearly, since you bartend too 

Ashton Hey, you said you wouldn’t tell 

Me Telling you doesn’t count as telling 

Ashton You don’t know who might be watching over my shoulder 

Luke grins. 

Me Who’s watching over your shoulder? 

Ashton No one, but it’s the principle of it 

Luke doesn’t really know what to say to that, but he’s saved from having to come up with anything by another text from Ashton. 

Ashton You should come by the bar again soon 

Me Bars aren’t really my scene 

Ashton The way you knocked back those tequila shots says otherwise 

Me I said bars, not alcohol 

Ashton Come after closing, then 

Luke hesitates. 

Me I have work during the week. I can’t be out at three 

Ashton Then come on Friday 

Luke exhales heavily. 

Me Maybe 

Ashton You can say no

Me I’m not saying no 

Ashton :) 

Ashton Break’s over. I’ll see you soon, pretty boy x 

Luke throws his phone down on his bedside table, pretending for the sake of his sanity that he hasn’t seen the fucking kiss at the end of that message, rolls over, and goes to sleep. 

(And if his dreams are filled with dimly lit bars and hot guys in leather jackets, that’s a total coincidence.) 

 -------

 It comes to a head on Tuesday. 

On Monday, Luke’s note had read: 

Golden boy, 

Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others. I think we are the latter. 

- AFI. 

Luke hadn’t had to look that one up - it’s Sense and Sensibility, anyone would know that. It might have made his heart race a little, seeing those words in the rushed, scratchy writing he’s come to associate with AFI, and knowing that they’re for him. Someone out there thinks that despite the fact they’ve only been leaving him notes for a little over a week, that’s enough. 

Ashton doesn’t show up until a minute before Calum’s shift ends on Tuesday, which is unusual for him. He’s got bruised knuckles and a black eye when he does turn up, and he can only throw Luke a slightly half-hearted smile that doesn’t reach his eyes, and doesn’t even call him pretty boy. 

“Hi,” he says, sounding tired. 

“What happened?” Luke says, frowning. Ashton shrugs. 

“I owed someone a favour,” he says simply, and there’s a tone of finality to his voice that tells Luke not to pry. Luke swallows, and nods. 

“You should put ice on that,” he says instead, nodding at Ashton’s eye, and Ashton huffs out a laugh. 

“Yeah, I-” he starts, and then the door to the kitchen bangs open, and Calum’s striding out, looking stricken when he spots Ashton. 

“What the fuck?” he demands, coming up to Ashton and cupping his face in his hands. “Jesus, was this Leon?” 

“Ben,” Ashton corrects, and Calum drops his hand. 

“Ben?” he says, an edge of fury to his voice. “Which Ben?” 

“You know which Ben,” Ashton says uncomfortably, turning away from Luke and heading off towards the door. Calum jogs after him, making a noise of anger. 

“Ashton Fletcher Irwin, what the fuck did I tell you about going after Ben?” he says dangerously. 

“I know, but Sam said-” Ashton says, cut off by the door swinging shut behind them, and Luke never gets to find out what Sam said. 

It doesn’t matter, though, because he’s gaping at the spot Ashton and Calum had just been standing in. 

Ashton Fletcher Irwin, Calum had said. Ashton Fletcher Irwin. 

AFI. 

Luke barely even notices he’s on his feet until he’s at the door, tearing it open and looking around wildly. The cold May air heads straight for his nose and ears, but he can’t even bring himself to care, rushing down the steps when he spots Calum and Ashton arguing by two motorbikes. 

“...owed him, Cal, you and I both knew he was going to call the favour in at some point,” Ashton’s saying. 

“Ashton,” Luke says, and both Ashton and Calum turn to him in surprise. 

“Yeah?” 

“Ashton Fletcher Irwin.” Realisation dawns on Ashton’s face, and he swallows. 

“Yeah,” he says, a little quieter this time. 

“You?” Ashton squirms a little, and nods. 

“Holy shit,” Luke says, because he doesn’t get it, can’t wrap his head around it. “Fucking- you’re AFI.” 

“Yeah,” Ashton says. “Look, I’m sorry, I just-” 

“You read Anna Karenina?” Ashton glances at him in surprise. 

“What? Yeah, it’s one of my favourite books.” 

“And Hamlet?” 

“Who hasn’t read Hamlet?” 

“Gone With The Wind?” 

“I- yeah? I just-” Luke takes a deep breath. 

“You’re AFI,” he says, again. Calum’s watching this entire exchange with something between bewilderment and amusement, leant back against his bike. 

“I just said that,” Ashton says. 

“You wrote me romantic notes.” 

“I- uh, yeah. I did.” Luke blinks at him, and takes a deep breath. 

“You- did you mean them?” 

“Of course I meant them,” Ashton says, sounding surprised. “How could I not? Jesus, Luke, look at you. You’re a fucking fantasy come to life. I’ve wanted nothing more than to kiss you since the day I first saw you. You think I was coming to pick Calum up from the hotel to be a good friend?” Luke stares at him. That’s the first time Ashton’s said his name, and Luke wants to hear it for the rest of his life.

“I’ve wanted to fuck you since the moment I saw you,” he says, without thinking. Ashton chokes on his next breath, and Calum sniggers behind his hand. 

“I’m going to go ahead,” he says, still smirking, throwing a leg over his bike. “Be safe, boys.” Ashton flips him off as Calum kicks his bike into gear and rides off, leaving Luke and Ashton alone in the deafening silence that follows Calum’s roaring exhaust. 

“I wasn’t expecting that,” Ashton says, after a minute. Luke bites his lip. 

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” he says, “but I have no idea what I’m doing. I almost never do.” Ashton laughs at that, amused and fond, before his face falls again, like he’s just remembered something.

“Luke,” he says carefully. “I- look. I like you, but I’m- I’m not a good guy.” 

“Shouldn’t I be the judge of that?” Ashton sighs. 

“No,” he says. “I- look. I’m trying to be better, okay? But I don’t want you to get caught up in all this. I’m trying to end it.” Luke hesitates, and then nods. He’d kind of known Ashton was mixed up in something, and he finds that it doesn’t really bother him. 

“Okay,” he says easily. 

“No, Luke, you don’t get it,” Ashton says, sounding a little frustrated, and Luke takes a bold step forward, because what the fuck does he have to lose now, and places a hand on Ashton’s forearm. 

“Hey,” he says, summoning all his courage. “You owe favours, you’re repaying debts. You don’t have to tell me what they are. I’m okay with that.” Ashton frowns at him.  

“I’m ending it,” he says again, like he doesn’t think Luke believes him. “These are the last few jobs. I’ll be out of the bar in a few weeks.” Luke nods again. 

“Okay,” he says. “I can wait a few weeks, if you want me to.” Ashton tilts his head, and stares at Luke. 

“You’d do that?” 

“Well, I’ve waited six months, haven’t I?” A slow grin spreads across Ashton’s face. 

“You don’t have to wait,” he says. “It’s not- like, I’m not in the fucking mafia, or anything. I just don’t want you to get caught up in my business.” Luke shrugs. 

“I’m good at lowkey,” he says, and Ashton huffs out a laugh. 

“Yeah, I can believe that,” he says. “So. How about mine on Friday, instead of the bar?” Luke blinks at him. 

“Don’t you have to work?”  

“Not if I call in sick,” Ashton says. Luke hesitates, and then a small smile spreads across his lips. 

“Yeah,” he says, grinning. “Yeah. I’d like that.” Ashton grins back at him, swinging a leg over his bike and pulling his helmet on.  

“I’ll text you,” he says. 

“Yeah,” Luke says, a little dazed. “Text me.” Ashton kicks his bike into gear, and Luke sees his eyes crinkle, which means he’s smiling.  

“See you around,” Ashton says, “golden boy.” 

[pixiegrl]

Can I get "are you finishing that or....?" and/or "don't even think about it" for lashton. Thank you!

~no clue who

Hello hello! This for for @lifewasradical’s anon who has graced my inbox and who has also talked to me about lingerie luke! I thought you might enjoy some soft domestic morning fluff for the lingerie verse. Please enjoy!

on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29708487

Luke wakes up to the sounds of Ashton humming, running his fingers through Luke’s curls. Luke rolls over onto his side and looks up at Ashton.

“Morning,” Luke mumbles. Ashton glances down at him, smile breaking out slowly on his lips, dimples popping. In the early morning light, he looks golden, skin glowing and eyes almost honey colored. Luke curls into his side, letting Ashton scratch at his scalp, sighing contentedly.

“You’re as bad as Petunia,” Ashton teases. Luke smacks Ashton’s thigh in response.

“Killing the mood.”

Ashton laughs, leaning down to kiss Luke. Luke pushes at his shoulders sending Ashton onto his back. Luke straddles Ashton, pressing soft kisses to his lips and cheeks. Ashton laughs, gripping onto Luke’s hips and squeezing. Luke laughs, swatting at Ashton’s hands.

“Ash stop! You know I’m ticklish,” Luke shrieks with laughter, squirming under Ashton’s hands. Ashton grins mischievously, sneaking his hands below the lace of Luke’s underwear and pressing into his hip bones. Luke shrieks again, trying to push himself out of Ashton’s hold. Ashton uses it as leverage, flipping them both over so that Luke’s flat on his back, gazing up at Ashton as he hovers over him.

Ashton stops, arms braced on either side of Luke, grinning down at him. Luke reaches up, pushing a black curl out of his eyes and tugging it behind his ear. In the light, Ashton’s eyes are hazel and glowing, smile soft. Luke smiles up at him, continuing to rub his thumb over Ashton’s skin.

“Hi,” Luke whispers up at him. 

“Hi,” Ashton whispers back. He leans down, kissing Luke softly. Luke eats it up, pulling Ashton in closer, pressing their chests flush as they keep kissing. It’s lazy and easy, with no purpose behind it other than to simply kiss. 

“You’re cute in my shirts, but I’m not going to have any shirts left if you keep stealing them.”

“Who says I want you to wear shirts?” Luke teases. Even if Ashton’s shirts are too tight over Luke’s broader shoulder, he likes them. They feel well-worn and loved, soft to the touch. They make Luke feel special and cherished when he wears them. 

“Well, if we get arrested for public indecency because I’m not wearing a shirt, you can tell management why,” Ashton says. Luke giggles, arching up to steal a kiss from Ashton. They kiss for a few more moments before Ashton finally pulls away, speaking up. 

“I promised you brunch didn’t I?” He says, gazing down at Luke. Luke’s a little dazzled looking at Ashton, seeing the open adoration and love on his face. He keeps playing with Ashton’s curls lightly.

“You did! With the fancy pancake shapes! And fruit!” Luke grins. Ashton rolls his eyes a little, but his fond smile gives him away. 

“Sweet breakfast for a sweet boy,” Ashton says. He ducks down for another kiss before rolling off of Luke and out of bed. Luke sighs, flopping onto his side and staring up at Ashton. 

“Hey.” 

“Yeah?” 

“I love you,” Luke says. Ashton snorts, leaning down to kiss Luke. 

“I love you too. Now come help me in the kitchen you brat,” he says. Luke laughs as Ashton leaves the bedroom, greeting Petunia when he realizes she’s in the hallway. Luke sighs, dragging himself out of bed and pulling on the shorts he keeps by the bed, soft and gray and covered in stars. Luke shimmies them on, leaves the bedroom to find Ashton on the stairs, carrying Petunia down. 

“And you say I spoil her,” Luke teases. Ashton flips him the middle finger, but makes no move to put her down until they’ve  reached the ground floor. 

“Maybe I won’t make you pancakes now,” Ashton says. 

“You wouldn’t dare,” Luke fires back. Ashton blushes, clearly caught out by the truth in the statement. Ashton just shots Luke another middle finger, heading into the kitchen. Luke laughs, following after him. 

Ashton’s already pulling things out of the cabinets and trying to set the kitchen up. They’d watched one too many cooking videos over the weekend and decided that they wanted to make pancakes in different shapes. They’re going to attempt to make them using squirt bottles with the batter. Luke doesn’t know if it will work, but Ashton has far more confidence in it than he does. 

Ashton pulls out the pans and the pancake mix from the cabinet. Luke grabs the eggs and milk from the fridge. Ashton heats up the pan they use, putting some butter on it to make it easier to use. Ashton starts the mixing while Luke grabs their little coffee pot, getting the bag of coffee they keep in their freezer to scoop it out. 

“Ground coffee? Getting fancy there Luke,” Ashton teases as he beats the egg in the bowl. Luke shrugs. 

“Thought we deserved the change is all. We have all this coffee that we barely use. Gotta spice things up,” Luke says, wiggling his eyebrows. Ashton dissolves into giggles, swatting at Luke as he finishes mixing the batter. He pours it into the bottles as Luke heats up the water. Ashton holds a bottle out to Luke.

“Fire away.”

“You trust me?”

“No, but it’ll be fun,” Ashton says. Luke laughs, pointing his bottle at the pan and trying to spray the batter into a heart shape. It turns out lopsided and uneven edged as it starts to cook. Luke wants to be sad about it, but Ashton’s laughing, waiting till it's brown before flipping it. He takes it off the pan, puts it on the plate. Ashton tries his own heart, more like a blob than a heart. Luke giggles when Ashton huffs. 

They keep going, trying to make hearts and flowers, their initials. All the pancakes are slightly uneven, less defined edges. Ashton keeps complaining about how easy the videos made it look, how it’s clearly not. Luke keeps giggling, giving him kisses on the cheek to make him feel better. Ashton always prides himself on how well he can cook. It must be killing him.

“At least they’ll taste good,” Luke reassures him as they turn off the stove once they’ve run out of batter, making sure the coffee’s ready.

“If you say so,” Ashton mumbles.

“Hey, you made them. They’re going to be amazing. We should eat outside. It’s nice weather out there,” Luke says, squeezing Ashton’s hand, smiling at him.

They make their way outside to the deck, bringing their plates of food, fruit, and mugs of coffee to the table they have out there. Petunia trots out after them, curling up at Luke’s feet once he sits down and gazing up at him, clearly begging for food. Luke tries to ignore her, instead looking up at Ashton.

Ashton’s cut his pancake into little bites, but he hasn’t made a move to start eating them. Instead, he’s pushing the blueberries around on his plate, coating them in the maple syrup and slowly eating them. Luke eats a couple bites of his lopsided heart, relishing in the sweetness of the syrup, the fluffiness of the pancakes. Luke’s not sure why, but they’re the best pancakes he’s ever had. Could just be because Ashton made them for Luke and Luke loves everything that Ashton makes him to eat. 

“Are you finishing that or…?” Luke trails off, making to stab a piece of Ashton’s pancake when Ashton’s been silent for too long, poking at his pancake. Ashton smacks his hand, glaring. Luke smiles innocently in response, eyes wide and innocent. 

“Don’t even think about it,” he snaps, stabbing the piece and sticking it in his mouth. Luke laughs, leans over to wipe a bit of syrup from his lips. He sucks his thumb in his mouth, grunning when Ashton stares obviously at his lips. Luke blows him a little kiss, laughing when Ashton huffs, rolling his eyes.

They eat in comfortable silence for a few moments, knocking their feet against each other under the table. The pancake hearts are lopsided and none of the shapes look like their shapes, but Luke’s never been happier. He’s eating pancakes with fruit with Ashton, sitting outside on their deck with Petunia at their feet. He’s so overwhelmingly happy, can’t stop smiling.

“Hey,” Ashton says, softly.

“Hey,” Luke replies.

“We should get married.”

“We already are silly,” Luke laughs. Ashton shakes his head.

“No, we should do our backyard wedding. We should do it soon. Like, put a date on it for Michael and Calum. We can invite Sierra and KayKay too. Make a little party of it.”

“Really?”

“I don’t want to wait any longer to be married to you. I want to call you my husband. I want to tell our friends how much I love you. I want to kiss you in front of everyone. I want to see you in your dress and dance with you in heels until your feet hurt and then I want to undress you later and see your lingerie. It’s nice weather for an outdoor wedding. I want to marry you under the sunshine and blue skies. Let’s get married,” Ashton says. Luke drops his fork, leaning over the table to take Ashton’s face in his hands and kiss him.

“Yes. Yes, god yes. I want to marry you so much. Let’s do it.”

“You already have everything don’t you?” Ashton teases, gripping onto Luke’s wrists and squeezing. Luke smiles, cheeks hurting from the force. 

“Of course. Who do you take me for?” Luke says, laughing. Ashton grins even wider, pressing another kiss to Luke’s lips. Luke goes around the table, collapsing into Ashton’s lap and snuggling into him. Luke knows they still have to finish breakfast, clean everything up, call their friends and arrange things. They still have to check if Calum’s ordained yet, set things up, plan out everything just to get married in their backyard, but for now, Luke rests his head under Ashton’s chin and sighs happily, closing his eyes. He’s happy and warm and in love. He could live like this forevermore.

[honeyedlashton]

Hey bestie. <3 am I the only one who gets the feeling that Luke walks the same path Ash's walking or gets in his way on purpose to receive some kind of affection or attention from Ash? Like a hug, high five, or a slight touch on the shoulders or back, ... :(( He doesn't do that with Cal and Mike.

Hey Anon!

Omg yeah, it’s totally different than him and Calum and Michael. I think he either does it on purpose, or their minds are connected like that. And not only Luke, but I think Ashton is also seeking him out. It’s definitely very two-sided. I think them both finding each other’s paths is very natural for them.

And the attention Luke gets??? It can be as unconscious as a brush on the back (or practically a hand on his ass), to Ashton power walking over to fucking pick him up. And you’re right, they’re always in affection cause idk about you, but I don’t show my affection to my best friend like that. (Not consistently anyway.)

I guess sometimes we see him with Michael and Calum, and they have little moments like that—either while performing or giving flowers or hugs or something, but iddddkk……. the Muke and Cake moments are lackluster in my opinion. And the Lashton moments by comparison are just so supercharged they end up feeling like displays of affection we shouldn’t be able to witness, if that makes any sense.

So, yeah, bestie, I think you’re really on to something here. Also thank you for the ask cause I’ve been dying to talk about this if you can’t tell. I just think Ashton subtly touching Luke…💭🤍✨🫠♥️

[clumsyclifford]

you said i should say less about new ace content in general and i immediately understood that as say more so please gimme some ace stuff and please make it fluffy. i don't particularly care about the pairing but i'm always down for lashton and/or malum but any atl ship works for me as well so like just do your thing i guess wow that was a useless sentence this messy ask is further proof that i should go to sleep so bye love you!! -fiancee

well i ran with ace lashton in an interesting way i hope you enjoy it this is not based on real life but maybe it could be. in a better world it is. that’s all i’ll say about that, i hope you like it

read here on ao3

-

Luke likes going to the movies. He likes staying home and having a home-cooked meal. He likes quiet, simple, intimate activities.

He does not like parades.

“But it’s Pride,” Ashton wheedles. “D.C. Pride! One of the biggest pride events in the country!”

“You made that up, and I don’t care,” says Luke. “I don’t want to go. I don’t like parades.”

“It’s not really a parade.”

“Also not true.”

“Okay, but it’s not about the parade, it’s about the gathering,” Ashton says, gently shaking Luke. “It’s about a bunch of queer people all coming together and uniting in one space. Celebrating our differences and our similarities. Celebrating community.”

“That’s beautiful,” Luke says. Ashton looks hopeful. “Still no.”

Ashton huffs. “I don’t wanna go alone.”

“Go with Michael and Calum,” Luke suggests. “I’m sure they’d love for you to tag along.”

“And third-wheel all day? No thanks.”

“Well, I don’t know what to tell you,” Luke says, and carries on setting the table for dinner. If his mum comes home to a half-set table, the blame will fall on Luke, of course. Ashton takes the cue and begins laying out plates.

It’s quiet for a moment. Luke can tell Ashton is trying to come up with a way to convince him to go to Pride, but it won’t work. Luke’s avoided Pride for seventeen years. He doesn’t intend to start now. Staying at home with his boyfriend and watching Rent is about as much as Luke cares to celebrate Pride Month. Maybe they’ll make out a little. Standards are low.

“Okay, how about this,” Ashton says, and Luke sighs deeply. “No, hear me out. And keep an open mind, okay? Think about compromise.”

“I’m listening.”

“What if we go before the parade starts?”

Luke frowns. “Then what would be the point?”

“There will still be people there,” Ashton says. “But it won’t be nearly as many people, and the festivities won’t really be happening yet, so we can still say we went to Pride but we won’t get caught up in the whole big thing.”

“But I thought you wanted the whole big thing.”

“Ah, whatever,” Ashton says, waving him off. “I’d rather go with you than see the parade alone.”

Luke feels bad. It’s obviously important to Ashton, or else he’d have given up already on trying to make Luke go. And as much as Luke knows he shouldn’t feel obliged to prioritize Ashton’s wishes over his own comfort, this makes him want to.

Compromise. “Okay,” Luke says. “Fine.”

Ashton blinks. “Really?”

“Did you think that wouldn’t work?”

“I—” Ashton’s face breaks into a smile. “I don’t know, not really, to be honest. Really? You’ll come?”

“Yes,” Luke says, and the delight in Ashton’s face makes up for the dread pooling in Luke’s stomach. 

Ashton shuffles around the table and presses a warm kiss to Luke’s cheek. “Thank you,” he says, warmth also bleeding into his voice. “I’m excited. You’re gonna like it.”

Probably not, but Luke keeps that thought to himself. He doesn’t need to rain on any more of Ashton’s parades.

-

Luke and Ashton are excited about Dupont Circle for different reasons. Ashton is basically vibrating out of his seat on the Metro as they approach their stop, where the parade is slated to begin at half past noon. It’s only eleven now, but that doesn’t seem to matter to Ashton. He seems confident that there will be enough Pride to satisfy his excitement without overwhelming Luke.

Luke’s just looking forward to the Krispy Kreme at the station.

They take the escalator out, and sure enough, there’s Krispy Kreme to the left. Luke grabs Ashton’s hand and yanks him towards the shop.

“Seriously? We’re at D.C. Pride and your priority is donuts?” Ashton says, but he allows Luke to tug him along until they’re at the door.

Luke turns to him and very seriously says, “Ashton, my priority is always donuts.”

“Yeah, that’s fair, I walked into that one,” Ashton mutters as they enter the store.

Five minutes and two donuts later, both of them exit, Luke munching contentedly on a strawberry-frosted donut (with sprinkles, of course) and Ashton carefully biting into his jelly-filled one. 

“Okay, starting now, we’re at Pride, and you can’t be a Negative Nancy,” Ashton declares.

“I promise not to be a Negative Nancy,” Luke vows. “I swear on this donut.”

Ashton beams. “Yay! Okay let’s go explore.”

You’d think this was Ashton’s first Pride for how excited he gets over everything. He stops at almost every stand, even though they’re all selling different versions of the same thing, and somehow manages to spark up conversation with any passing person who looks queer and interesting. Luke loves this about Ashton, how charming and outgoing he is, how he could befriend a vaguely human-shaped plant. People are drawn to him; Luke’s no exception. Ashton is very much the main character, even more so because he doesn’t seem to know it. He's just Ashton, and Luke loves him for it. Even when it means the halo of Ashton’s spotlight draws attention to Luke by extension.

Luke is not a charming, outgoing person. Luke is quiet and reserved. He’s never cared for the spotlight. Sometimes it’s a good thing that he has Ashton to pull him out of his shell a little. Sometimes he wilts under the scrutiny. It's a toss-up, but Luke appreciates that Ashton never stops trying.

Most of the tables selling merch boast shirts, hats, flags — the kind of thing you’d wear or own if you wanted to be loud and proud about your identity. Luke’s not really that kind of person. Luke’s way of coming out is to subtly slip into the conversation the fact that he has a boyfriend. Before he had a boyfriend, it pretty much never came up. Big, colorful flags have never been his cup of tea. 

And anyway, that’s only half of his identity. The other half never comes up, and Luke’s okay with that. It’s not like being ace is the kind of thing you can casually mention. It has to be a whole thing, every time, and Luke doesn’t want to deal with the whole thing, so he just doesn’t bother. Most of the time it doesn’t really matter. As much as Luke is able to fly under the radar, that’s what he intends to do.

“Hey, pins!”

Ashton is not like that.

“Luke, you like pins, right?”

The table they’ve stopped at is covered end-to-end with pins. Enamel or plastic, every single pride flag Luke has ever seen in his life is represented here, in a variety of shapes and sizes. The kaleidoscopic display is fun to look at, at least. There’s nobody behind the table at the moment, which means in theory it would be pretty easy to steal one, but Luke’s not like that, and even if he was he wouldn’t feel good stealing a pride pin from a small-business owner.

“I don’t really have an opinion,” says Luke.

“Ha,” Ashton says. “O-pin-ion. Haha.”

“I’m leaving you,” Luke says, turning away with a wry grin.

“No, come back.” Ashton grabs his wrist and pulls him closer, so Luke wraps an arm around his waist and rests his head on Ashton’s shoulder instead. “I like pins. They’re a very understated way of coming out.”

“Having a boyfriend is an understated way of coming out,” Luke replies.

"I resent you calling me understated," Ashton says in faux-indignance. Luke giggles.

“I’m so sorry, I had to run and grab some water,” says a voice, as a person bustles around them to stand behind the table. Their pink fringe is pushed back by a bandana and they’re wearing a jean jacket with so many pins and patches that the fabric is practically invisible. A sticker on the front pocket of the jacket introduces them as Alex, he/they :). “Can I help you with anything?”

“Just admiring the collection,” Ashton says brightly. “I love your jacket.”

“Thank you very much,” says Alex. “It’s been accumulating pins for about five years now.”

“Damn,” Ashton says, wolf-whistling. “That’s a good collection. I don’t have a good jacket for pins.”

“Wish I could tell you where I got mine, but it was a gift from my boyfriend,” Alex says. “I’ve heard thrifting is a good way to go.”

“You wanna go thrifting, Luke?” Ashton says, nudging Luke, who shrugs.

“Sure,” he says. He reaches for one of the asexual flag pins, a small enamel rectangle, and smoothes his thumb over the surface. “These are pretty nice.”

“You should buy it,” Ashton says. “Start a cool jacket. Then we could be matching.”

“You don’t have a cool jacket yet.”

“I know, but we could.”

“But neither of us have a cool jacket. So it’s not even—”

“Fine, ruin my fun,” Ashton harrumphs. To Alex, who’s watching them with amusement, Ashton says, “So how long have you and your boyfriend been together?”

“Oh, uh…” Alex’s gaze diverts to the air like he’s counting invisible numbers. “Six years? Almost? I think it’s gonna be six years in July.”

“Six years,” Ashton repeats in mild awe. “Holy shit.”

“Yeah, high school sweethearts, blah blah blah,” Alex says, smiling. They shrug. “Everyone thought we’d break up when we went to college, but when you know, you know. You know?”

Luke swallows. Ashton says, “Good for you. That’s impressive.”

“I like to think so,” Alex says. “What about you? Are you guys together?” He winces. “Should I not have asked that? I’m sorry, to be honest this is Jack’s business, I’m just running the stand because he wanted to go look around a little before the parade started. My boyfriend Jack, I mean. Sorry.”

“No, no, it’s all good,” Ashton says. He hip-checks Luke gently, which Luke takes to mean something like is it cool if I tell him? It’s nice that Ashton is asking, but Luke had kind of figured everyone would assume they were together because, you know, Pride, so he doesn’t really care.

“Yeah,” he says. “For, what, eight months?”

“Eight months,” Ashton confirms.

Alex grins. “That’s great, I love it. What are your names?”

“Ashton,” says Ashton. “He/him.”

“Luke. Also he/him.”

“It’s nice to meet you guys,” Alex says. “I’m Alex. He/they.”

“Yeah, your thing says,” Luke says, pointing.

Alex laughs. “You’d be surprised how many people don’t see it. Or they see it and think it’s just another decorative pin.”

“Do people wear pronoun pins as decorations?” Luke wonders. “That seems strange to me.”

“People are ineffable,” Alex says solemnly. Then he grins. Luke likes Alex. In fact, little though Luke’s actually spoken today, he likes most of the people whom Ashton has stopped to chat up. Queer people are so friendly, is what Luke is learning. It almost makes him happy to be here. 

Except now Alex’s words are ringing in Luke’s head, and he can’t stop hearing them. Everyone thought we’d break up when we went to college, but when you know, you know. 

Ashton’s going to college this fall. Luke’s managed to forget about that fact because it’s only June, but that doesn’t make it any less true. Ashton’s leaving and Luke’s going to finish his senior year alone and what if something happens to them? What if they’re fooling themselves thinking they can do the long-distance thing? What if they’re doomed already and this summer is just prolonging the inevitable?

“Well, personally I would love to buy a pin,” Ashton says. “Luke, choose one.”

“What?” Luke says, blinking himself out of his spiral. “Why?”

“I’m buying you one,” Ashton says.

“I don’t—” Luke bites his lip. He’s still fidgeting with the ace flag pin, and he kind of likes it. Maybe he can subtly come out in different ways. Maybe he can just wear it, and wait for someone to ask. Then it’s way less of a big deal because it’s not like Luke has brought it up. 

There’s enough shame in the world. Luke doesn’t need to add to it.

“Okay,” he says instead. He holds up the ace flag. “This one.”

“Great choice,” Ashton says, digging out a five to give to Alex. He hesitates, then pulls out a ten instead. “Actually, maybe I’ll also get one. Then we can actually match.”

“Right, with our matching jackets that don’t exist yet.”

“You know what, fine, we don’t have to match.” Ashton makes a face at Luke. “You can put your pin on whatever you want. It’ll go great with your all-black closet.”

“Shut up,” Luke grumbles. Ashton laughs.

“Hey, don’t knock the all-black,” Alex says. “Black is the new black. It’s fashion forward.”

“Not in eighty-degree June it’s not,” Ashton says.

“It’s seventy-five,” Luke protests. “And Alex is wearing a jacket!”

“Yes, but Alex is not my boyfriend, and we only just met,” Ashton says, grinning. “Also, their jacket is sick as fuck.”

“It is sick as fuck,” Alex agrees. “But I’m still siding with Luke here. You can’t go wrong with all-black.” For the first time, he seems to register Luke’s shirt, and his eyes light up. “Hey, Green Day! I fucking love Green Day!”

“You should be my best friend,” Luke says seriously, and Alex nods equally seriously.

“Hey,” Ashton complains. “I like Green Day.”

“Thank you for the pin,” Luke tells Alex. “Good luck with the, uh, you know, selling more of them.”

“Of course, anytime,” Alex says. “I’m pretty sure there’s a website on these business cards if you ever want to, I don’t know, browse?” They shrug one shoulder. “This is why I’m not a small business owner.”

“Cool,” Luke says, taking the card. He probably won’t use it, but you never know. 

“Nice to meet you, Alex,” Ashton says, as he and Luke start to walk away, fingers interlaced between them. “Good luck! Happy Pride!”

“You too! Enjoy the parade!” Alex says, waving.

Luke doesn't bother to inform him they're not staying that long; he and Ashton turn away and continue walking, Luke with his new pin clutched in his fist.

“They were cool,” Ashton says enthusiastically. “There are so many fucking interesting people here. God, I love Pride.”

Luke grips the pin tighter. The pointy back starts to hurt where it’s pressing into his palm. “Yeah.”

“Thanks for letting me get you something,” Ashton says. “I know it’s not really your thing, but I don’t know. I felt like we should buy something after we stood there for so long.”

“No, yeah, I agree.”

“On the bright side, they’re pretty cool pins.” Ashton holds his out like he’s assessing what he’ll do with it. “Maybe Michael has an extra jean jacket he never wears. I could ask him.”

Luke hums. Ashton glances over at him, eyebrows drawn together. “Are you okay?”

Luke's not supposed to say anything like this. He’s supposed to be positive because he promised he wouldn’t be a “Negative Nancy” and the sky is so blue that Luke would hate to be the reason for rain, but if he doesn’t say it then it’ll just keep ringing around his head until he can’t think about anything else.

“You’re not scared we’re gonna break up when you go to college?” he blurts out.

Ashton stops short and their hands break apart so Luke’s falls to his side. “Where’d that come from?”

“You heard Alex,” Luke says. “Everyone thought he and his boyfriend would break up when they went to college.”

“But they didn’t,” Ashton says.

“But that’s obviously unusual,” Luke counters. He swallows hard. “I’m just saying…aren’t you worried?”

Ashton tilts his head. “Do you want me to be worried?”

And yeah, a little part of Luke does. Only because if Ashton’s worried, it means he values their relationship enough that it would hurt him to lose it. But Luke knows that’s not really fair, and he knows Ashton loves him, even if he doesn’t seem worried at all.

“No, I don’t know. I just— I don’t know.”

“Are you?”

“I don’t know,” Luke says again. “I had pretty successfully managed to avoid thinking about it, but now…I don’t know.”

Ashton gently pries open Luke’s fist and runs his thumb over the red imprint the pin has left. Sheepish, Luke puts the pin in his pocket. As soon as his hand is free again, Ashton takes it, holding both of Luke’s hands in both of his own.

“I’m not worried,” he says quietly. His eyes are so sincere and his hands are so soft and Luke loves him and likes him and knows that to lose him would be a fate worse than death. “You must have missed the other half of Alex’s sentence. Remember? When you know, you know.”

Luke’s breath catches a little. “Yeah, but…”

“But what?” Ashton lifts a shoulder. “I already know, Luke. I’m in it for the long haul. So unless you meet some other guy who’s even awesomer than me and makes better puns, you have nothing to worry about. I’m not letting you get away that easy.”

Luke gazes at Ashton until the rest of the world falls away. “Oh,” he breathes.

“Okay?” Ashton quirks a smile.

Luke surges forward and kisses Ashton for as long as he can manage without passing out. It’s clumsy and sweet and Ashton’s hands tighten around Luke’s waist and Luke wraps his arms around Ashton’s shoulders and nothing else in the known universe matters except this.

When they finally break apart, Luke cracks a smile. “Okay.”

Ashton beams. He offers his hand to Luke again, and this time Luke takes it and doesn’t let go.

[allsassnoclass]

Also bc I love a good Lashton,  “I’m extremely happy about something and this felt like the best spontaneous action, what am I, an expert on motivations?” For them?? I love you and your writing

this is from the hand kiss prompts i reblogged back in november? i think? apologies for the delay but I hope you enjoy this little piece : )

Ashton is glowing.

He's been glowing all night, and not just because of the spotlights trained on him. He's always captivating to watch, holding himself with a presence and magnetism that everyone around him is drawn to, but Luke doesn't know if he's ever seen him shine quite this much. Even now, late at night with the theater turning dark behind them, Ashton is lighting up the street so much that Luke is surprised more people aren't staring.

He can't tear his eyes away.

"That was amazing!" Ashton says for the fiftieth time. He's laughing, mouth open and smile wide, eyes bright and dimples on display. His hair is still in tact from the hairspray, and he's still got some of the stage makeup on, eyeliner drawing Luke's gaze to his beautiful eyes and the barest hint of blush on his cheeks. He should probably be trying to conserve his voice, since he has shows for the rest of the week, but Luke is too enamored with him to suggest anything that might dampen his excitement. He wants all of New York City to hear how exceptionally happy Ashton is right now.

"Can you believe it?" Ashton asks. "Me, opening a Broadway show in the lead role! This is what I used to dream about as a kid. This is the type of thing thousands of people all over the country dream about, and I actually got to do it!"

"Of course you did," Luke says, jogging to catch up to him and bumping their shoulders together. "You were amazing up there, Ash. Didn't I always say you'd make it to Broadway?"

"Yeah, you did," Ashton says, blush looking darker under the street lights. "You're my biggest cheerleader, Lu."

Luke hopes his own blush isn't too noticeable, but thankfully Ashton isn't paying too much attention, already skipping down the street to he can swing around a lamp post like this is Singing In the Rain.

"The world's my oyster!" he crows, much too loud for this time of night, but Luke doesn't think anyone else will mind. It's New York. Ashton's joy and energy isn't out of place here, despite the fact that they've long since left the lights of Time's Square and Broadway behind. Luke laughs, heart always lighter with a happy Ashton around, and loves the way that their laughter drifts towards the sky and mingles with all of the other sounds of the city.

Ashton bounds back to him and grabs both his hands.

"What do you want to do?" he asks, breathless.

"Right now?" Luke asks.

"Yes! Come on, Luke. I feel like I can do anything. Let's do something crazy, something you've always wanted to do."

He kisses Luke's hands, making his breath catch and heart stutter for a moment. Thankfully Ashton doesn't seem to notice the effect it has on Luke, too caught up in his own excitement without a proper outlet for it. Luke is surprised that a kiss on the hand is the vehicle for his energy that he chose, but he's not going to complain.

Luke can only think of one crazy thing that he's always wanted to do, but he's not sure that Ashton's reckless excitement will extend that far.

"I don't know," he stammers instead. "What do you want to do? It's your big day."

"Yeah, but it's our big night. I don't want to spend it with anyone else."

Luke's heart flutters, but his mind still comes up blank. All he really wants to do is spend time with Ashton. He doesn't care what the specific activity is.

He shrugs.

"Alright," Ashton says. "We'll keep walking around until you think of something."

He abruptly turns, tugging Luke along after him. Luke tries not to read into the fact that they're still holding hands, but it's hard when Ashton keeps swinging their arms between them. He keeps up some mindless chatter as they walk, too excited to keep quiet.

Luke has rarely seen him like this. He's seen Ashton excited multiple times, but never to this degree. There's a particular high that achieving a life-long dream will give you, and Luke is thankful that he's the person Ashton decided to share this moment with.

Ashton breaks into one of the songs from the show, swinging Luke around in a circle with him. Luke laughs so much his cheeks begin to ache with the force of his smile. He stumbles over his feet and Ashton catches him, giggles breaking through the song. Luke wonders what a stranger would think if they glanced outside their window at this exact moment, seeing two men locked in an embrace and laughing without a care in the world.

"I always want to feel like this," Ashton says when they have their breath back but before they've pulled away from each other. "Fuck, Luke, I want you to feel like this, too."

"It's rubbing off on me, I promise," he says, giddy with Ashton's happiness and touch and smile. Ashton looks at him for a long moment, long enough that Luke notices just how close they're pressed.

"I want to try something," Ashton says. "Something crazy that I've always wanted to do. Promise you won't hate me if it goes wrong?" Luke's smile fades, but he nods, and then Ashton is kissing him, lips chapped from constant use, hand still holding his. He pulls back, searching for Luke's reaction, and all Luke can do is stare.

"Alright?" he asks, uncertainty entering his voice for the first time all night.

Luke smiles and kisses him again, having to break it once Ashton starts smiling too much for them to continue. Ashton laughs, bright and glowing once more, then turns and skips forward again, voice raised so the entire block can hear him sing. Luke follows after, hand clasped tightly in his, content to be at the edge of his spotlight. Ashton shoots a smile over his shoulder at him, hitting Luke with that light full force, and Luke knows that they're going to glow together forever.

[tirednotflirting]

for the prompts: “Could you hold my hand?” with mashton would be an absolute dream but any pairing would be lovely

hi ily and our good cop-bad cop coordination on lashton content sdfkjajls 

Airports at night had always given Ashton the creeps.

He should be used to them by now. He’s probably been in an airport at just about every single hour in the day at this point in his life. But there’s something about being in them at nights that makes the scene feel more existential than liminal. 

They had booked a 10PM flight back home, figuring it would be best to arrive early but after everyone in Sydney had woken up. But the flight is delayed so it's nearing midnight and they’ve been in the international terminal for nearly four hours and Ashton wants nothing more than to be in the air and one sleep away from his family. 

When Michael wakes up from his power nap, he’s alone. Or at least he thinks he’s alone but then he hears Luke giggle behind him and he turns around to see Calum pointing to something on the screen of Luke’s Switch and then mimicking something. Calum likely roped him into helping with Animal Crossing things, he figures. 

But he can’t find Ashton. He looks around the gate for their flight they’ve been camped out at since arriving at LAX just before 8PM but the sandy haired boy is nowhere to be seen. He rises to his feet, tosses his backpack over his shoulder and pulls out his phone. 

Ashton picks up on the second ring. “Mikey?”

“Ash, where are you?”

“Uh,” his voice drifts a bit like he’s moved the phone from his face. “I’m in the back corner of gate 11.”

“Why are you gate 11?”

“Needed some quiet.”

“Ashton, we’re in an airport at midnight. There’s quiet everywhere.”

“Yeah, I know that but,” he pauses and Michael can hear him release a shaky sigh. “I just needed like, less. To try to get my brain to shut up.”

Michael doesn’t exactly like that he’s being told his brain needs to stop. “I’m coming over.”

He hears a soft okay and then hesitantly hangs up before telling the other two he’s off to find their fourth member and receives kind eyes and head nods as he heads off.

Ashton really was in the back corner, his back against a set of plush chairs as he sits on the floor, his jogger clad legs sticking out in front of him as he stares out the window. The worn sleeves of his sweater are tucked over his hands and his shoulders are hunched over some.

Michael sits beside him and notes how Ashton is so stuck up in his head that he doesn’t even jump at the new presence beside him.

“You okay?” Michael asks quietly despite the two of them being the only ones at that entire gate.

“My brain just feels full and I feel all buzzy and stuck,” Ashton mumbles quickly. “Like it's fine being here in the day but something about being here at night makes me feel stuck.” Michael nods slowly, turning to face the sun kissed boy despite knowing he’s not likely to turn his gaze from where it sticks just beyond the window. “I know what you mean. But we’ll be out of here in like,” Michael pulls out his phone to check the time. “Forty five minutes and then we’ll be just one flight away from the season we should actually be in during December.”

Ashton doesn’t react to the southern hemisphere humor. They sit beside each other in silence, the only sound being their breathing for a few minutes. Suddenly, Ashton shifts his gaze, his hazel eyes meeting Michael’s green. “Could you hold my hand?”

“Huh?” Michael questions, snapping back to the present moment after briefly zoning out, the lateness (earliness?) of the hour finally hitting him.

“Michael, I’m tired and I want to be home and I want to be held but we’re in the middle of LAX so please, can you just hold my hand?” he says quickly, his pent up anxiety dripping through his words. 

Michael wants to argue that he really doesn’t give a shit about the opinion of the thirty or so random business people and others crazy enough to book flights out at night, and that if Ashton wants to be held, he’ll hold him. But the nervousness on the face of the boy who so often had to serve as Michael’s own confidence tells him not to question the request. 

He pats his shoulder and hesitantly Ashton lets his head drop to rest there, a sigh escaping his lips as he does. Michael reaches for the other boy’s hand that’s playing with the hem of his sweater, dropping his fingers to fall into the spaces between Ashton’s. He squeezes their palms together and can feel the callouses on Ashton’s fingers and wonders if he can feel the marks Michael’s own instrument leaves on his. 

“Thank you,” Ashton mumbles against Michael’s neck as he cuddles up closer to his side. Michael feels a gentle smile tug at his lips at the tickle caused by the contact. 

“What are you taking the sibs to do when we get in?”

“Think Lauren bought tickets to some gig. Like taking them to gigs.”

Michael only hums in response, his free hand lifting to run through Ashton’s hair as he listens to his breathing steady out. They really should get up and go back to their gate, but he figures he can leave him for at least a few minutes.

(And selfishly, he finds himself thinking, as he catches a whiff of Ashton’s lemon-y cologne, he really never wants to move from this exact position.)

[ashtcnirwin]

RULES: 8 song prompts, tag 8 people

ty for the tag amanda @lifewasradical​ 🧡 (i only see these if i happen to be scrolling down my dash when i’m tagged OR sometimes i’ll get a notification several days after, so get your shit together tumblr)

1. Favorite song at the moment

that’d be a tie between wrecked by imagine dragons (ty to @redrattlers for bringing that one to my attention; i suck at keeping up with new releases) and die polizei by kaizers orchestra

2. A song you associate with your favorite ship

because of an ask i got a while back, it’s hotel california by the eagles (lashton)!

3. A song that could be about you

old me by 5sos. want some vague anna history 101? listen to that song. but also the sweetness by ashton irwin

4. A song you think is underrated

can i say old me for this one too? no uhm... i wanna say too young by louis tomlinson but i don’t keep close enough tabs on the louis fandom to know if it’s actually underrated

5. A song that reminds you of a good memory

i can’t say my first thought cos it’s fucking nasty, so my second thought is sex on fire by kings of leon! i was at a festival back in 2013 and instead of going to the actual kol-concert, i grabbed a bottle of cheap vodka and a dude i’d had a whole three minutes of prior conversation with and we went to the beach, sat at some cliffs (it wasn’t a sandy type of beach), and listened to the concert from there (this festival took place in an area that was, like, a two minute walk from the ocean), and we sat there drinking vodka and just having some good, solid, drunken, intimate stranger-to-stranger conversations and i rmbr sex on fire being played when he kissed my cheek and said “thanks for this” and it was...yeah. it was really lovely, a very specific type of vibe that i’ve only experienced thrice in my life

6. The last song you listened to

i’m listening to a playlist rn so it keeps changing but at the time of writing this exact answer, it’s little miss by sugarland (thank u @thenervousduck)

7. A song that makes you laugh

not for humouristic reasons but rose tattoo by dropkick murphys always make me grin & giggle like an absolute idiot cos it reminds me of pre-pandemic socializing in irish pubs, playing pool and singing along to miscellaneous bangers while having one beer too many

8. A song you want your mutuals to listen to

honestly my music taste is a disaster, it’s just not good, so i’m gonna abstain from answering this one

who hasn’t done this at this point? i’m always late but i’ll try @redrattlers @thenervousduck @werewolfashton @karajaynetoday @pxrxmoore & @staticsounds

[kaleidoscopeminds]

okay well you know what i'm here for. give me all the details on in a world of black and white. if you feel like breaking down the jalex spinoff as well i will not say no. i love you sooooooo much my love!!!!! xoxo bella

ok i’m actually so glad you’ve asked me this so i can talk a bit about what went into in a world of black and white, you wanted all the details so this is LONG but here’s how it went down!!!

i got you to write for and i was like eeeek so nervous!!!! i even said to hazel when i got you that i was nervous lol but i was like i just have to write the best thing i can using all of my available skills and that is basically a good memory of Things My Friends Like. i knew i wasn’t going to be able to write a jalex fic (lmao look where that got me) so i looked at your reader preferences and was like ok. friends to lovers lashton college au, lets do that, i just needed a concept to work around! then i was walking home from work one day listening to getaway green and i was like... what if getaway fic? what if getaway fic using the colour thing for a soulmate au? not using the actual story of the song per se but bits and pieces? and i got home and made a planning doc for it. it started with a few notes about soulmate lore, a rough “key moments” list, and a list of things to include for you<3 which looked something a little like:

snapback/flannel/lip ring luke

curly hair glasses ashton

make-up scene

hurt/comfort sick scene w/ tea

side jalex

michael having a crush on jack

luke saying he’s going to commit crimes when he sees ashton playing guitar

ace luke

i sent the planning doc to sam @tirednotflirting who said several wonderful things like “she’s gonna love it” which comforted me that it wasn’t a terrible idea. i also decided i wanted to include some lyrics from the song throughout which i KNEW could be kind of cheesy and jarring but i wanted them in there so i tried to make it make as much sense as i could but it still to make you stop and go oh! yeah!  side note there’s a a more vague one in this bit which i’m not sure anyone actually managed to pick out? when Ashton is sick at the end of that scene: Luke tries not to think how much he likes at he idea of being what Ashton needs. as a loose reference to “keep on tellin' me I'm what you need”

most of it i found quite easy to write, i liked getting to have luke as the sweet boy who is desperate for a soulmate and ashton the slightly pretensious and cynical art student, michael was so fun to write as he always is with my muke friendships and calum who is mentioned very infrequently but has some of my favourite moments: michael hanging off him like a large and cumbersome scarf, and the bit where he says “not you babe” which still makes me laugh! the other thing i loved writing was the pretty colour words. i hadn’t done much of descriptive type stuff and i really did enjoy getting a chance to be a bit flowery and go off on one with some colour symbolism. i’ve always liked writing dialogue which i think is one of my strengths, and i think i’ve grown a lot as a writer since this fic but i do like that i did a bit of that kind of writing here which was out of my comfort zone!

the infamous cheese-ball scene didn’t get written in until quite near the end, i was having a bit of a crisis over the end, i’d written the last scene but i was finding it really tricky to know how to progress between the bit with Ashton finishing his project and the actual resolution and i was like i want some classic drink fueled flirting to get a bit of tension and then i was like.... omg i have an idea.... i had a conversation with the lovely sam who was my biggest cheerleader i love that girl i also at this point had still not decided on luke’s major but i decided to go fuck it and go all in on the pandering<3

we’ve discussed this before about not liking miscommunication and conflict so i didn’t want any of that, and i also hate outside interference in relationships as conflict so i didn’t want that either, but i thought the not-knowing thing was maybe just enough to be a reason that they don’t go for it without there being some terrible ~thing~ happen for either of them. it might make it a bit boring but i felt like it worked here! them pining but also kind of knowing they like each other but also not wanting to say it? it felt right to me!

the other thing i want to mention is me not putting everything in the tags because i knew you would read them and i wanted to surprise you, i did a couple of hints to ace luke before we got there in the fic, and i thought it would be soooo fun to have jack show up out of nowhere then alex too because i thought you probably wouldn’t expect that from me!

which brings me to getaway jalex. wow. i never saw myself including jalex as a side pairing simply because i did not know enough about them but i was like i need to at least TRY and i can always scrap it if its terrible. SO i watched a few interviews, a few yt compilations. i wanted to have jack being the professor just because i thought it would be fun to have him be a bit of a menace about it? that’s why i went for him over alex. and then the dialogue was funny, i just wanted to pull a couple of things that made them convincing as i was so like ??? about characterising them, which is where obviously professor boy came from, and also the bit where jack repeats himself the “ever thought about that?” as it was something i picked up on watching stuff! and him pretending to be outraged at alex swearing was just something i saw them doing! i wanted jalex to be the epitome of what i think (and luke thought) a soulmate SHOULD be which is not necessarily desire and pining and all consuming romance but its about annoying each other and being a constant presence and understanding each other better than anyone else and casual touches. and THATS basically where the whole premise for the spin off comes from because its just a slice of life of that extreme comfort of having a person, your person in every sense of the word. we had a little conversation about getaway jalex and i genuinely was not going to write it and then i had the idea for the papers that jack could be grading and the jokes about luke and alex being lead singers and i was like AHA i’ve got it i can do this!!! and it turned into possibly the softest most romantic thing i’ve ever written which is crazy

[calumcest]

call off the search for your soul (or put it on hold again)

what is life without a cheeky bit of angsty lashton from time to time i feel like i would be doing you all a disservice if i didn’t keep you on your TOES thinking when is helen next going to release some absolute bullshit like this

i call this one ‘proof that i am actually capable of writing things under 8k in length’ i genuinely think this is the shortest thing i’ve ever written i think most of my “““drabbles””” are longer than this

-

It’s a strange thing, to feel nothing. 

At first, Ashton doesn’t realise that’s what it is. How can you feel nothing, right? If you’re feeling it, you’re feeling something. At least, that’s what he’d tell himself, staring at his dull hazel eyes in a cracked hotel mirror, one hand either side of the sink, trying his best to see something in their flatness. They’re supposed to be the windows to his soul, after all, aren’t they? 

So why is there nothing there?

Being occupied stops him from really noticing it at first, keeps his spirit so tightly clenched in his fist with late nights and early mornings and drink and drugs that it doesn’t have a chance to stretch out and feel its bruises. He laughs when he should laugh and he smiles when he should smile and he cries when he should cry and he screams when he should scream, and he doesn’t stop to think maybe I shouldn’t be doing it just because it feels like I should. 

It’s not until one night, Luke’s head on his still-heaving chest, the two of them tangled in the sheets and each other, that he feels it. 

Nothing. 

It feels like being full and empty at the same time. Full of emptiness, maybe, Ashton doesn’t know. It feels like he thinks the colour grey might feel, if he could feel colours. It’s not a bright, brilliant white, and it’s definitely not blue or red or yellow, but it’s not quite black either. It’s not happiness, and it’s not sadness or anger or contentedness, but it’s not despondency either. It’s just- it’s just nothing.

After that, it’s like the floodgates open, if only bit by bit. 

He starts to notice it more often. There are brief flickers of it when he tips his head back in laughter at a party, alcohol buzzing through his veins, and he thinks that the alcohol feels like it’s permanently thrumming on the surface, like no matter how many shots he pours down his throat, it can never penetrate any further than his outer layers. He catches it in tiny glances of himself that he catches as he passes by a shop window, making him do a double-take as he thinks who the fuck is that? Worst, though, are the moments where he sees himself, where he stares into those cracked hotel mirrors, gripping those sinks so hard he thinks dimly that they might break, and searches his own eyes in vain for any sign of life. 

It only gets worse from there. He stops caring, which is the first thing Luke notices. He stops making sure he’s exercising, stops forcing three meals a day down himself, stops going to bed when he should and getting up when he’s told. Calum and Michael don’t see, don’t spot that his behaviour gets more and more reckless as he realises that adrenaline rushes are the only way to get a flash of something to cut through the nothing, but Luke does. Luke always sees. 

He doesn’t say anything, at first. Ashton thinks that maybe he doesn’t know how, because he sees the way Luke’s mouth twists in a tiny grimace when Ashton accepts another line, or the way his brow furrows when Ashton stumbles down the street at five in the morning, laughing at something his new best friend whose name doesn’t think he’s asked for yet has just said, or the way his fists clench at his sides when Ashton gets yet another drunken tattoo. He doesn’t say anything then, just holds Ashton through the comedown the next morning, or picks Ashton up when he trips over, or holds his hand when the needle goes in. He doesn’t say anything, until one evening, when he speaks into the cosy comfort of their LA home. 

“You’re hurting yourself,” he says quietly, out of the blue, staring down at the empty whiskey tumbler he’s been nursing for at least half an hour. 

“What?” Ashton says, surprised, turning away from the TV. 

“You’re hurting yourself,” Luke repeats, still gazing unblinkingly at the glass in his hand. 

Ashton knows what he means, but doesn’t know how to say there’s nothing of me to hurt without saying just that. 

“I’m not,” he settles for instead, and Luke finally raises his head. 

“You are,” he says, and he sounds like he’s steeled himself, like he’s been rehearsing this conversation in his head for days. He probably has, knowing Luke. 

“I’m fine, Luke,” Ashton says, with a sigh, and reaches out, trying to pull Luke in for a hug so he won’t have to look at his face. Luke jerks away, though, shaking his head. 

“Why don’t you care?” 

“What?” Ashton says, like he doesn’t know what Luke’s talking about. 

“What’s wrong?” Luke presses, because he can read Ashton like a fucking book - better than a fucking book, because he can read him left to right, right to left, up and down, back to front. 

“Nothing’s wrong,” Ashton says. “I’m fine.” 

“You’re not.” And yeah, maybe he isn’t, but he’s not not fine, either, because he’s nothing, so it still counts. 

Ashton sighs, pulls back, rearranges himself so his legs are tucked under himself. 

“What d’you want me to say, Luke?” he says wearily. 

“I want you to tell me what’s wrong.” 

“Nothing’s wrong.” It’s not a lie, really. Nothing is wrong. He’s got a successful career in an industry he loves, gets to spend every day with his best friends, has a comfortable bank balance and lives in a gorgeous house in LA with his equally gorgeous boyfriend. By all accounts, Ashton wants for nothing. 

Except he’s wanting for something. 

“Don’t lie to me.” Luke’s words sound bolder than his tone does, but there’s an edge to it, an edge of worried bitterness that slices at one of the pieces of Ashton that’s still left over. 

“I’m not fucking lying to you,” Ashton says, and it comes out sharper than he’d intended. 

“Why are you getting angry at me?” Luke says, defensive and hostile. “I’m just worried about you.”

“Because there’s nothing to be worried about,” Ashton says, and the words pick up some of the poison he thinks what remains of his soul must be saturated in. “I’m fine.”

“Didn’t know ‘fine’ looked like getting a tattoo at five in the morning while high as a kite. Twice.”

“Maybe you’ve just never been fine,” Ashton retorts, trying for light-hearted and falling flat. Luke fixes him with a hard stare, one that he’s definitely had to build the courage to get from his heart to his eyes. 

“I love you,” he says, and Ashton doesn’t think the words should feel like they’re reaching into him and trying to tear those last few bits of him apart for good. 

“I know.” 

“So tell me how to help you,” Luke says, and it’s softer this time. 

Ashton swallows. He’s not being fair. Luke’s just trying to help. It’s not his fault that he doesn’t know there’s nothing of Ashton to help. 

“I don’t know,” he says, and he doesn’t mean for it to come out a whisper, but it does. “I- I don’t know.” Luke blinks, and then shifts closer, puts a hand on Ashton’s thigh. 

“Talk to me,” he says, and it’s gentle and sweet and concerned and Ashton thinks, a little despairingly, I would, if I had any words to say. 

“I can’t,” he says. “I don’t- I don’t know what- I- it’s not- I don’t know.” He half-expects Luke to sit back, to throw him a disappointed or maybe exasperated glance, to say something like can you take this seriously, please, Ashton, but he doesn’t. He stays put, stays right where he is, and strokes his thumb across Ashton’s thigh.

“That’s okay,” he says simply. “I’m here. And I’ll be here when you do know.” 

He brings his hand up from Ashton’s thigh to cup his face, to pull him in closer and press a chaste kiss to his lips, one that says it’s okay and I love you and I’m here and maybe even you’re okay, you’re going to be okay, but Ashton barely notices that as he tilts his head and kisses back, finding a home in Luke that he hasn’t found in the drink or the drugs or any of the other hollow adrenaline rushes. 

And, he realises with a jolt, his thigh feels warm where Luke’s fingers had been resting. That’s something, isn’t it? 

(He hopes his lips on Luke’s say you’re everything.)