#yeah I held back lol
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if i failed to protect my kid during the apocalypse and they almost died wandering on their own but got rescued by a team of four competent, battle-experienced adults who cared about them very much and made them feel less scared and useless but refused to let them fight, i think that would be a pretty decent outcome and i'd be pretty okay with it. sure i could dream up a better situation but there's a hell of a lot of worse ones too.
#it's not like they took bonnie away from a safe lil village.. bonnie was on the verge of collapse!!#and no village is safe!!!!#better traveling to the place that will be last to freeze than left at some village that will freeze sooner#(and we can guess than nille agreesā since she and bonnie did not wait in bambouche to be frozen)#better ready for battle behind a team of fighters than caught unawares among people who have never fought#(regular people are obviously struggling right now - even nille failed to protect bonnie)#even with the king#if the party fails the land is frozen ANYWAY#is it really better to leave bonnie in dormont? distraughtā abandoned? being held back from following by strangers?#is that really a better moment to be stuck in for eternity?#yeah maybe something worse would happen in the house#but sadnesses could attack the village too!#taking bonnie with them is absolutely a reasonable decision given all of the circumstances#i may be biased by my own nille characterization#HOWEVER#this is also my opinion as a parent u^u#like i might still be freaking out about it#but htat's. inevitable no matter WHAT it is that happened#bonnie WAS stuck in a bad situation and even the best solutions can't undo that#so yeah i'd be WORRIED#but i'd also be grateful the people who found my kid were decent folks who tried their best and did quite well all things considered#šššš#thoughts#thoughts about bonnie#isat talk#i'm sick of not being able to fandom tag my posts that i don't want to put in the fandom tag so there now it's filterable lol
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Mr Gourmand what do you have to say about the accusations made against you? Many scugs in the colony are doubtful of your leadership now that some people say you are *dramatic pause*... a scug-napper.
So far there is no proof of this kidnappings, but people said they saw you carry a pair of identical red scugs inside the colony and that you have keept them prisoner in some kind of underground cavern full of exotic food, while you train them to be a pair of elite fighters that would protect the colony in secret. Mr Gourmand is anything of this wild accusations true? šš§
Artificer: I came here willingly,Ā Iām not being held prisonerĀ and Gourmandās aĀ greatĀ leader
Artificer: Iāll kill anyone who says otherwise.
Hunter: Wellā¦ I mean I was definitelyĀ held against my will-
Gourmand: He loves it here!
#Rw siblings au#Rw Gourmand#Rw Artifcer#Rw Hunter#Gourmand has no comment#(Except for correcting Hunter)#Yeah no Hunter was definitely not allowed to leave (but he doesnāt want to leave anymore so he isnāt being held against his will anymore)#Whatās a little kidnapping if itās for a good cause#The other option was to let Hunter go back to NSH so I think itās for the best#Arti will not hesitate btw so be careful what you accuse her father figure of#I donāt think thereās an underground cavern they live in a giant tree#But Gourmand does collect lots of cool food though so that part might be a little true#But Hunter and Arti are already trained to be fighters so thatās not true#And idk about a āpairā they hate each other lol#They would not work well together
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francis madoka magica crozier
(the witch designs are here and also posted separately with some lore under the tag 'the soul gem passage')
#the terror#puella magi madoka magica#obligatory magical girl au sketchdump#digital art#krita#francis crozier#harry goodsir#james fitzjames#john bridgens#cornelius hickey#also jopson would be SO homura coded that i cannot even handle drawing that someone please help me out with it#everyone is plagued by white magical beasts big and small x2. now with kyubey in the mix#you'd think finding the passage would be easier with their powers - and yet -#anyway sir john held back on becoming an mg until he was desperate to make a break for it#his wish was for the passage to be found - but he did not specify it would be him who'd find it#so he died long before that eventually happened#also no cat ears here if you see them that's just a diadem or another headpiece sorry#thinking about if hickey made his deal after the flogging#again in a bad state and with bad phrasing - just something like 'i wish to get out of here'#and then his ears perked up when they left the ships and he jumped at the chance to get everyone together because he thought he WOULD#get himself and all his boyfriends out.#well. they did leave crozier's camp#anyway i'm probably not gonna draw more of these so if anyone wants to join in i'd like to see some takes on their witch forms!#also yeah. crozier's shoulder pieces ARE modelled after tricorn hats#both bc he lost the other two captains and had to bear the responsibility for the expedition on his shoulders#and because i just wanted to use a symbol of power in a silly way as some mg outfits do#and yes jfj has a cprset and yes i was thinking of orpheus while drawing bridgens#and goodsir in a beret just felt right lol#also made hickey's clothes less open than the others' bc reasons#the soul gem passage
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parents are funny the way they want you to be open and honest with them, supposedly, but when you are, it leads to some fucking confrontation that didnāt need to happen, and when that happens, it leads to something you werenāt ready to say coming out, then being coaxed out into a still very much controlled held-back version of describing your lifelong experience feeling shame for existing the way you do and not being āeasyā or as good as like, your little sister, academically, or as capable of masking as anyone else, and THAT carefully worded recall of just the natural fucking feelings of growing up in a frankly abusive household, resulting in.. oh, sorry, YOUR FATHER crying as if he wasnt just trying to gaslight you into thinking he didnt tell you the other day to Improve Yourself As A Person (right before the conversation about his mother entering hospice so now guess who canāt fucking mourn without associating it with that!) and that he instead was saying Improve Your Situation
and then he like catches you like visibly dissociating, comments, you try and put it in very simple words what just happened (in the same manner you have pointed out every other little thing he does to invalidate your feelings, or as heād put it, āyour feelingsā yes using air quotes) and he suddenly is a fucking Psychology Scholar And Didnāt Need You To Explain What The Defense Mechanism Even Was and oh then also admitting to doing harm in the past, saying he had apologized (wonder why i dont remember), your mother(actual psychology minor) getting all āiām sorry you feel that wayā and also after a long ass tangent about there being a difference between āshamedā and āashamedā as if you didnāt mean the word you say, a thing you did make very clear, ONCE AGAIN FUCKING CRYING ABOUT YOU BEING OPEN AND HONEST FOR ONCE AND TELLING THEM THEY HURT YOU
#its been. a wild fucking semester so far#oh and then also my fucking brother saying itās like he doesnt have a sibling and i dont give a shit Sooo Much that i made my father cry#respectfully i fucking held the thing that would actually ruin him back.#because i did a fucking interview with his mother years ago for a class#and she talked about the way her mother treated her#when he first found out i was like. violently depressed as a teen#he drew the mental parallel of his mother getting hospitalized#for shit her fuckinf mother caused.#he cannot comprehend the pain he causes.#by all means my morher can comprehend what she does. she just. does she give a shit actually? lol#i feel for him. right now. in his grief process#but the fucking audacity to see me exercising autonomy and telling them they fucking traumatized me basically#AND COLLECTIVELY CONTINUINF TO USE THE FUCKING ABUSE TACTICS#im sure he was crying genuinely. but if i cry it is never genuine to them it feels#so.#yeah.#i havent been on tumblr i had a experiment thing for a class on social media breaks even though. lol. mental health? isolation??#but like. i think just the process of realizing wwwwhy we are the way we are#so immensely fucked up#its been a lot#its just. fucking sad i got forced into THIS conversation prematurely#but my fucking bad for trusting my mother i guess#vent#vent tw#anyway i was gonna push therapy back a week but. oooooooooweeeeee
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tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"
#bakuspeech#number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u#he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up#(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out)#we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment#and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here#but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something#but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku#but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this#this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and#that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing#but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it#its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with#and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually#I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay#but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol#not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real#and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself#and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god#that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao#but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them#have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway
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i lost like half a litre of blood lmao
#safari is the best browser#safari posts#tw // blood#oh yeah im alive btw everybody thank honey for making that announcement post#ill b back forever (unless i get held hostage again lol)#that hasnt happened in like#7 years lmao#throwback to my teen years
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Every goddamned time I think I have the timeline down for this fucking game I am, once again, proven wrong.
#UGH#well fuck you too ig#I'm not fucking#retconning the goddamned ages again y'all can deal#I guess Micha is just fucking 12 then you fucking cunts#he and Ai will stay twins#bullshit bullshit bullshit#I hate timelines#they fuck me over every single time#not mad at anyone in particular btw#just myself#LOL#I'm not very number smart and it always#bites me in the ass#anywas#yeah#Micha is 12 like Ren#he lies about his age#because he was held back due to his time in rehab#for the car wreck#which will be a plot point#in my own little head#iwrite rambles#iwrite rants#olba#olnf#our life
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ahhhhhhhh guess who made the mistake of getting a haircut
#i was planning on growing it out for real i swear#but then the back of my hair got to that length (like it always does) where it starts touching the back of my neck wrong and i cant stand it#so i figured I'd juuuuuust get a trim maybe only the back so it wouldn't keep bugging me#and it started off pretty good too she was doing well with everything and i liked the way it looked#then she asked me a question with two options. and i answered the question. and she repeated my answer. good enough right?#well i think she maaaay have forgotten my answer in the span of like 2 seconds bc she started cutting SUPER short suddenly#and now my perm is completely gone lol#i think she's used to going a bit shorter so it looks good in like a week when it's grown out a bit#and you don't have to go back for a haircut every 2 weeks#but like. i would rather not hate my reflection (more than usual) for a week or two while it grows out yknow#eurghhhh it's not that bad tbh ive had haircuts where i wanted to kill myself and this is just 'hmm maybe i should wear a hat for a week'#but still. very annoying. and especially so bc i was actually feeling optimistic with where we were going at the start#anyway there's this weird phenomenon that keeps happening where I accidentally get my hair cut too short#then i decide this is going to be the time i finally grow my hair out for real#and after a while the back reaches that length where it starts bothering me again#and ill get a haircut juuust for a trim#then i somehow end up with a bowlcut#it's an emo bowlcut to be clear. so im not super hung up about it bc i still love that haircut for reasons i cannot comprehend#but everybody else seems to go 'ew a bowlcut why' except for the alt queers who go 'omg gender'#which i consider to be one of the biggest compliments i could ever get. and have gotten. seriously that moment will never leave my mind#like having someone that you consider Gender to look at you and say *you're* very gender? my crops have been watered my cattle have been fed#etc etc. anyway this currently has the shape of a bowl cut but it's too short esp on top#so im back in my 'okay im gonna grow it our FOR REAL this time' phase again. as it goes. like fucking sisyphus.#anyway. im gonna be tearing it up in the pit at origami angel tomorrow so if anybody's also going feel free to join me there#just gotta let off some steam. goddammit i knew i should have gone the queer route and just done it myself. in my defense i still had a perm#and i didn't trust myself to cut curly hair. turns out i shouldn't have trusted the barber either bc she just held it straight out#and chopped right across. and soon the curls were gone and everything was straight. ...that sounds like a metaphor for conversion therapy#'yeah just head into that place by the time you leave you'll be straight'#anyway. sorry for the waterfall of tags if ur still here kudos to you and may you have a wonderful day#mine
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ok. moving out update. today i:
talked to my beloved ex supervisor / mentor (<- SCARY!!!!!) to ask her about her experiences living by herself esp as a short woman (which is not a big deal except for how it is + how my parents think it is) and get her advice abt how to navigate that experience psychologically and practically. i asked her if we could talk abt this very impulsively on thursday after not having the courage to do it for almost a year btw (<- BRAVE!!!!!!!!) and i was still too scared / embarrassed to ask her some stuff abt safety / self defense lol but it mostly went really well!
started making a budget and determined that a) i may be getting overpaid somehow (š³) b) i may be getting double or even triple charged for my health and life insurance (š) so now i need to call hr on monday and figure all of that out. and also c) i suck at math but we knew that. but i forced myself to figure out what i did wrong so thatās an achievement
made my first ever student loan payment šš«
booked a tour of one apartment and attempted to book a tour of another (the same place i was looking at in may) but their website was glitching out and then they didnāt answer when i called to schedule it over the phone which. hm. š but yeah the tour(s) will happen mid week next week and im going to ride the shuttle to the apartment complex(es) and back to campus to see what thatās like too!
posted on local subr*ddit asking for recommendations for those two apartments + other places in the area. havenāt gotten anything back bc i just made the post but šš
read a bunch of old journal entries from 2021 to remind myself of what it was like to move onto campus and how i pushed through my familyās hurt and disapproval to live the way i needed to. havenāt finished reading it all yet but i will tomorrow (while also doing my stupid homework š)
#purrs#i really hope im not being overpaid lol. because if i am being overpaid that means i canāt afford to move out š but my paystubs#are saying thats how much im making every week and it isā¦ significantly more then im supposed to be making which is absolutely not a bad#thing i just donāt understand why itās happening + want to make sure itās supposed to be happening so that i donāt depend on an error that#would devastate me when remedied yk. but yeah. also i havenāt factored car stuff into any of this yet sooooo erm. weāll see what happens#anyways uhm this is kind of crazy like. i am really making a concerted effort to try to move out. SOON. and my family doesnāt know.#chuckles im in danger but alsoā¦.. tess pepprs epic girlboss redemption arc i think. i am doing big scary things and i can do them. fuck yeah#like. i donāt have to live like this anymore. i can change it TODAY. i have that power. i have done my time. iām ready to fly and no one can#stop me. i will not be held back anymore. iām going to live the life of my wildest dreams and iām on the brink of beginning it.
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YAY I got my melon soda connection :D im so so glad they did a UK release of these, I wanted one so badly- the pearl glitter is honestly so pretty. hands down my favourite tama shell I own.
also looking forward to my preordered angel arriving this week- its a good month for vpets here :]
#there is a cat hair on it in this picture. sorry. i live with a yeti ... i thought i brushed them all off lol#gutsys vpet tag#im not what id call a Shell Collector or anything when it comes to vpets- i generally get one maaaybe two of a release#and i got the best friends graffiti pack of tamas back before it was announced they were releasing the jpn shells here bc i wanted two#since yknow. connection. i wanted to Play Toys to the fullest capacity with em. but then they were like 'yeah we're releasing the jpn shell#which was annoying because the two i *really* wanted were the pink and blue glitter! and if id have held off on the bffs pack id have got e#but alas. im not buyin them now i cant really justify another pair. but i was determined to get melon soda if nothing else.#i dont regret that at least haha
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yall fuck with my fish? also toted the project around in my skate bag today and everything was sooo colour coordinated
#leafs fan with a blue and white skate bag likely place for me to be#also for those remembering when i was complaining aboht not having my contrast yarn i wanted#yeah that yellow was literally all i had to do those tiny amount of stitches held me back a week lol#worth it tho cause it really makes the eye pop
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season 11 is actually so good like they had no business going that hard that late especially . considering the following seasons
#few things i don't like actually but like..mostly so very good..#also very biased cause casifer#im sawry#everytime he's on screen i need to be held back from leaping at the screen foxy jumpscare style#also one of the very few michael mentions lol i'll take every crumb i can#spn#rewatching this shit yeah#AGAIN
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Shaving the rest of my head tomorrow I'll probably be ugly but idrc
#been growing it out slowly but idk what to do w the length. it's tough i like the feel of longer hair better but not the look. also refuse#to style that shit lol if it takes more than 5 secs to rix im wearing a hat#also im tryna date this summer but im at like my worst physically rn. not bad but medical shit and burned out and w/e it'll take me like a#month of goin crazy at the gym to get back to where i was. so idk maybe bein a little ugly will force me to try harder with that lmao. doin#my 50 pushups a day and slowly ramping back into weights and cardio. frustrating cuz i lost so much progress bc of the fuckin surgery#oh well lol i might get a face piercing tomorrow too who knows i kinda dgaf anymore i might just do a bunch of shit ive been wanting to but#held off. just throw in the towel and look fucked up for the summer āļø also its gonna be humid and hot as fuck so bald ass head will be nice#my fuck ass ponytail mullet was already hot in the winter i mightve died if i kept it. how tf did i manage waist length hair for so long#also i knocked over my pasta (reheated butter egg noodles) onto the ground tryna get my cat to stop eating a house plant while writing this#still ate them tho#also also yeah it's 2am but i was hungryy
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anyway as I'm working on adding more gifs to my Quannah Chasinghorse pack, I realized that some of my gifs, while better than the original video, still wash her out a bit so I'll be editing them! And just in general, here's just a reminder that when you make mistakes, it's always better to own up to them and try to make things better rather than giving up.
#and!!!! that no one is above criticism or being held accountable for their actions#when you see something that isn't right you should try to speak up no matter their perceived influence#the truth will always come to light#but yeah just a reminder that if I ever put out resources that you feel are iffy or problematic and i don't catch it myself#y'all are always free to call me on it#i'm remaking part of this pack and redoing my santiago segura pack from scratch#and have recolored other packs before so i know that sometimes we just can't figure it out in the moment lol#but that doesn't mean we can't go back and fix things#especially me bc I obsessively save all my psds so I have no excuse not to edit them later lol#elly makes gifs
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what are your thoughts on the rhys darby merman? I saw people calling it cringe and while I do think darby's performance in that scene was.. a bit not it, the idea itself is really funny and cool to me idk
okay honestly i think i'm gonna have an extremely niche opinion on this because i am like. clinically insane about mermaids like seriously i've been begging my parents to get me one of those swimmable fins since i was like 8 and then i ended up buying one for myself on the internet w my pocket money when i was like. 12-14 idk?? coz they refused to and now i own three. so. literally any opinion i could have on mermaid stede is trumped by me being distracted by the tail coz it's like. they spent so much time and effort on it and it's still kinda bad like omg i can see like so many ways they could've done it better because they literally painted each individual scale which is SO MUCH EFFORT. but the way they laid the scales makes it look like the pattern is just printed on like it's literally a 3d hand painted tail that looks like they got it for 30 dollars on ebay especially bc the silicone doesn't have enough hold so you can still see the human legs under it like you would with a regular printed tail. like if they just overlaid the scales instead of putting them next to each other that'd already be a major improvement like. i cant find the specific video now but like ppl DIYing silicone tails at home usually overlay the scales and it just immediately looks so much better. also i'm not rly a fan of big flashy side fins but that's just personal taste but like tldr they clearly spent a lot if time and effort and money on the tail and it's sad because with a few minor adjustments it could've looked wayyy better
as for like the actual scene i think it's extremely good and cute and the ppl who dislike it hate fun and need to let camp into their hearts. ed's face going all soft and lovey has been playing in my mind on loop ever since and that's not a joke
#sorry I've spent years of my life watching ppl make tails and watching ppl swim with them and#I've made my own and i own 2 monofins and 3 tail skins and if i was slightly more insane and#slightly less poor I would've had a silicone one custom made but thankfully I held back coz#those shits are INSANELY expensive like. hundreds to thousands of dollars#sorry for the random lore dump lol i dont think I've ever talked abt this before#it all started when my mother showed me an article when i was around 8 that was about a#man who had a mermaid tail he would wear to swim in a creek near his house and#she was like wow isn't he so weird i bet he's gay:/ and i was like he is the coolest person i have ever fucking seen#i wonder how he is now ..... also yeah he came out as gay and i think has a husband but it's been a few years since I checked so idk#i got mail!
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canāt watch meu porto just know this is meš«¶š½š
#they canāt even save me rn I wanted to watch to spark some joy and I justā¦.im not even gonnaš#what a long ass dayā¦.its only 3pm but still what a long ass dayš#im soooo beyond fed up w how my schools handling things rn & I feel like Iām at a crossroads#nah being so upset itās making me physically sick is crazy oooh I hate it here#semester ends next week Iām likeā¦am I gonna come back? should I just leave & get ready to move to ****? itās just too much rn ahdjsk#Iāve said too much and Iām not making any sense but yeah!!š§š½āāļø#need to let myself have a bit of a breakdown Iāve held it together for soooo long I need to just unleash it all lol Iām human#hope the beloveds who read this have a lovely weekend<3 hugging n smooching youš«š
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