#xisuma does NOT win these

[hermitcraftheadcanons]

One particular day EX opened up and started explaining to Zedaph the relation he has with Xisuma. EX started with simple things like that they knew eachother from the beginning of their existence, he was about to say the twins part… Then Zed was like "Oh... But they cloned one of you when he was still a baby?" and EX was just so flabbergasted that he decided to just say "Yeah… It was pretty bizarre, even our mom knew that beforehand and she didnt really care". Zed 100% buys that and started telling the others in order to win a bet they had.

He thinks hermits are both genuises and stupid, how are they so conviced of the "evil clone" trope that they can't see that Xisuma isn't an only child? Haven't they realized they use voice filters in their helmets so they can sound different? Does they really think that his name is "Evil Xisuma"???? Does he can exploit this so Xisuma appears to be in two places at the same time? He wants to really do that now.

.

[ceramic-galanter]

Hermitcraft Guide: Transcript/accessible version

Hermitcraft is a vanilla style* multiplayer server that has been running in a season format since 2012. Each season, the players move to a new world and start anew, meaning now’s the perfect time to start watching!

The server is invite only, and new people can join only when the existing Hermits unanimously agree that they would be a good fit. The Hermits have regular meetings to discuss new ideas and any concerns.

I don’t recommend watching every episode by every Hermit. There’s shows like HermitCraft Recap to keep you up to date! Don’t feel obligated to watch everything, just have fun!

* the server is mostly unmodded, but in recent seasons, the Hermits have been implementing custom items and texture packs for the sake of storytelling

Individual hermit descriptions under the cut

Descriptions are all edited by myself, with some contributions from other people :)

Hermit: BdoubleO100

Quote: “Axe wielding maniac, that’s me!”

Flags: USA

Description: Bdubs is a master at using unconventional blocks in his highly detailed builds.

It’s a point of pride to always be the one to sleep and skip the night before the others can.

He’s often teased about his height despite not being the shortest Hermit.

Hermit: Cubfan135

Quote: “There is redstone back there… Basically, it does stuff.”

Flags: USA

Description: Cub is really good at basically every aspect of Minecraft, and always goes big in his projects. With Scar, he created a capitalistic empire and then decided he didn’t care for industry afterward, since he had already won. Cub then became a freeloading basement dweller. He enjoys confusing other people with strange antics.

Hermit: Docm77

Quote: “We will crush them with our redstone spaghetti”

Flags: Germany

Description: A bit of an intense guy, Doc is unafraid to play the scary villain. Don’t let that fool you – he’s a big softie. His Twitter is 50% “hey who wants to see the game-breaking death machine I built” and 50% about his adorable kid, nicknamed “Doccy”

His arm was canonically destroyed by the Minecraft dev Dinnerbone back in 2013.

[Desciption provided by anon]

Hermit: Ethoslab

Quote: “Xisuma is okay with pretty much everything I do if he doesn’t find out about it.”

Flags: Canada

Description: Etho is a Minecraft O.G. and the creator of many of the redstone designs that everyone uses. He’s a very dedicated player with an unconventional style, and the other Hermits are a bit obsessed with him. He’s your favourite YouTuber’s favourite YouTuber. And there’s a reason for that.

Hermit: FalseSymmetry

Quote: The Queen of Hearts, Heads and Body Parts

Flags: United Kingdom

Description: Very approachable and friendly, but has a reputation for her confidence in PVP. False works on very large, thematically strong builds. She was the first Minecraft Championship participant to achieve multiple consecutive wins.

Hermit: Geminitay

Quote: “How am I supposed to Live Laugh Love in these conditions!?”

Flags: Canada, Bisexual

Description: Gem is a talented builder with an appreciation of cute aesthetics that’s matched only by her thirst for blood. She’s truly earned the descriptor “Geminislay.”

She joined in season 8, and has effectively struck fear into the hearts of the other Hermits, particularly Etho, despite her wholesome personality.

Hermit: Grian

Quote: “Not everything I do has to start a war, okay? Sometimes I just want to start a society of sewer mole people.”

Flags: United Kingdom

Description: Grian always builds big and pranks bigger. He delights in nothing less than being a public nuisance. This starts (good-natured) wars within the server repeatedly.

He’s very social, but is basically glued to Mumbo and Scar. Infamously never bothers with the backs of his builds.

Hermit: Impulse SV

Quote: "I hate being bad at stuff!"

Flags: USA

Description: Impulse gets a reputation for being super nice all the time but he will hold a grudge forever.

He once moved his entire base up by one block because he thought it would make it look better (it did)

One season he ate crystals.

[Description provided by sudden-memory-loss]

Hermit: Hypnotizd

Quote: “And then I found an enderchest here, it’s got a lot of good stuff in it!”

Flags: USA

Description: Hypno's one of the more reserved Hermits, sticking to himself (+ bothering xB and Jevin). He's extremely laid-back and has a little bit of a deadpan silly sense of humor. He’s a very observant guy who builds geometric and rustic creations. His post-annotated runs of the minigame Decked Out 2 are great if you want to see someone actively break down how they play!

[Description provided by anon]

Hermit: Iskall85

Quote: “Let’s not end it on a goodbye, let’s end it on a Hallo”

Flags: Sweden

Description: A hardworking builder and redstone engineer. Loves making minigames, most of which revolve around gambling. Iskall is a dedicated hater of diorite blocks. Creator of the Vault Hunters modpack and server(s), which he has spent most his time playing recently.

Hermit: JoeHills

Quote: “Sufficiently advanced bothering-each-other is indistinguishable from teamwork”

Flags: USA

Description: Joe is a strange person, and his brand of absurdity cannot easily be put into words. He typically ends his videos with a poem or strange moral. Joe makes funny low energy videos, perfect for those who want to watch something laid-back.

Hermit: iJevin

Quote: “It’s actually pretty straightforward and almost easy. Sometimes.”

Flags: USA

Description: Unashamed. Just in general. A real hard worker who’s willing to destroy a massive project and start over. This commitment carries over into prank wars, which escalate to truly ludicrous heights.

Hermit: Keralis

Quote: “Let’s take the Black Death. I like the sound of that.”

Flags: Sweden, Poland

Description: Keralis favours modern, industrial-styled builds that carry the impression of wealth and prestige. His creations always have a strong sense of life to them. Keralis has a habit of referring to the others with silly nicknames such as “Shashwammy” and  “Bubbles”,

Hermit: PearlescentMoon

Quote: “Yeah, I’m a little suspicious of myself to be honest.”

Flags: Australia

Description: Pearl is perhaps one of the best builders in all of MCYT. Her works are awe-inspiring in scale, but really shine in their details. A long-time friend of Grian, she joined HC in season 8 and fits right in, with a unique energy that’s full of fun. She is always up for a light bit of pranking or teasing, with unstoppable chaotic energy when she’s up at 5am for events.

[Description provided by cerealisafunbath and anon]

Hermit: Mumbo Jumbo

Quote: “If I forget, slap me. With a cold, vegan fishcake”

Flags: United Kingdom

Description: Mumbo is best known for his eccentric redstone creations. He’s sometimes too ambitious for his own good – his ideas blow up in his face at the worst possible moments. He’s got a lovable awkward energy and strange, extremely British mannerisms.

Hermit: GoodTimesWithScar

Quote: “A laugh is worth far more than a diamond.”

Flags: USA

Description: Scar’s building skills and storytelling will make believe in magic and want to see what he’ll do next. Scar can pull pranks and act the villain as good as anyone else on Hermitcraft, but no matter what role Scar is playing, you will have a good time. He’s banned from Canada, so he banned the nation of Canada from his theme park.

Scar IRL has a chronic disease that he’s very open about, and uses a wheelchair. Check out his day in the life videos!

[Description provided by anon]

Hermit: Rendog

Quote: “Have a lovely day warmbloods, I’m off to sharpen my bones.”

Flags: United Kingdom, South Africa

Description: Ren is the hermit most likely to jump in to some over-the-top storytelling, mixing it with his regular content for some impressive arcs. He’s played a lot of roles, from mind-controlled business tycoon to time travelling hippie.

Hermit: StressMonster101

Quote: “Come and chase me boys! I’m going to murder you!”

Flags: United Kingdom

Description: Stress is known for describing everything she loves as “gorgeous!” It’s definitely her catchphrase.

She uses a lot of pink and purple, and loves bright fantasy aesthetics. She’s closest with Iskall, who she will bother at every opportunity.

Hermit: Tango Tek

Quote: “Would I put a tu-tu on my Fifi? Come on!”

Flags: USA

Description: Tango is the creator of the in-Minecraft minigame Decked-Out, which everyone on the server is obsessed with. He’s a lover of all things dramatic and explosive. Tango is hungry for feedback and improvement, and values honesty about his work. World's best minigame creator and world's worst minigame player. Master of making strange noises.

[Desciption provided by sudden-memory-loss]

Hermit: VintageBeef

Quote: “I respectfully decline your creepy ways.”

Flags: Canada

Description: Beef is the most enthusiastic user of the mechanic that allows players to make massive builds into tiny map-based pixel art. He uses this for a lot of different purposes, from wallpaper to custom card games. It takes a lot of dedication, which he has in spades. He's oblivious in the best way possible. He’s walking in circles, he’s misplacing items, he’s having fun.

[Description provided by two anonymous contributors]

Hermit: WelsKnight

Quote: “I’ve got a fever and the only prescription is trading card games.”

Flags: USA

Description: As his name suggests, Wels (knight) has a strong interest in medieval aesthetics, which he uses heavily in his builds. He’s also recorded sea shanties. Former paralegal and court reporter for the US army.

Hermit: xBCrafted

Quote: “Awwww yeah!”

Flags: USA

Description: xB posts often, about two or three times a week. His videos always go over his thought process a lot more than anyone else. His builds have a strong focus on environmental storytelling.

Hermit: XisumaVoid

Quote: “I’ve got derp on the mind”

Flags: United Kingdom

Description: Xisuma tends to pick a theme for his big projects and always wears a matching costume. He describes himself as a big derp, and no one agrees on how to pronounce his name.

He doesn’t reset his episode number each season, so he’ll be starting season 10 with episode #1128! Xisuma is the server’s admin, which is a big responsibility without the powertrip due to the Hermits’ commitment to group decision making.

Hermit: ZombieCleo

Quote: "I'll break you legs"

Flags: United Kingdom, Bisexual. Cleo uses She/They pronouns, but I do not know if they identify as nonbinary.

Description: Cleo enjoys detail work, being the number-one user of the posable armour stand tweak, which she uses to make dioramas and statues. They have a rather dry, mature sense of humour. Formerly a schoolteacher. Cleo is close friends with Joe, and the two regularly stream activities such as crafting together

Hermit: Zedaph Plays

Quote: “Is this a bad idea? Yes. Am I gonna do it anyway? Yes.”

Flags: United Kingdom

Description: Focuses more on making his own fun than on traditional builds. Zedaph is the human embodiment of an explosion happening in another room and hearing someone yell out "it's fine!". A very polite and confusing mad scientist. He does the wildest things just because he can. His editing style is fun and creative, featuring stop-motion montages.

[Description provided by sudden-memory-loss and anon]

New hermits:

Hermit: Smallishbeans

Flags: United Kingdom

Description: Joel is a masterful builder and intimidating fighter. Has very sarcastic deadpan humour. He likes to bully everyone affectionately. Married to fellow MCYTber LDshadowlady (Lizzie)

Hermit: Skizzleman

Flags: USA

Description: Skizz is a beacon of positivity and energy. Strong dad energy. He and Impulse have been friends for more than 25 years. Forms a lot of acronym groups with the Hermits (ZITS, GIGS) and comes up with nicknames for everyone

_

In Loving Memory of

Hermit: Tinfoil Chef

Flags: USA

Description:

A beloved member of Hermitcraft since season 2, TFC passed in 2022.

“Five blocks at a time…

Punctuated with a torch…

Five more once again…

TinfoilChef worked at his own

speed, in his own way…

May we all remember him

in our own ways by striving…

to live unhurried by unwarranted comparisons to those around

and bring joy to others

making the art we want to create.”

[Poem by an anonymous Hermit, likely Joe]

Thank you for reading!

[cheerioskid]

moonrise au scar!! he's very mischievous :3 au by @germworms and i

more details & extra doodles below!

basically scar is the god of mischief (as you can see) while in his human form he loves to perform as a jester and play pranks on random civilians for his own entertainment; some are harmless and some others leave a deep psychological scar (get it) he also likes to scam people, that's just a given w scar

he and cub (secretary of limbo) like to go on excursions together so that scar can go about his nefarious deeds and cub gets to study humans and all that, they're also just best friends who love to hang out together (and scam people, of course)

while hanging around Xisuma's kingdom as the court jester (where the moon is the main religion and thus where mumbo lives & where grian is hanging out in disguise) scar eventually finds grian and seeing how oblivious he is abt how humans work he starts pranking him a lot

(this makes grian think scar knows he's the sun god but scar doesn't know yet he just likes messing w him, and even when he eventually does figure it out he does not let that information go so easily which frustrates pearl)

as far as designs go it's obvious i leaned into his mayor skin for his human/jester look and the vex felt like the right choice for his "natural" form

here's the first couple doodles i did for him tho i don't like them as much (please ignore how bad the wheelchair is drawn in the first pic i messed up the perspective) + scar trying to "help" grian win over mumbo

[solargeist]

I'm not sure if this has been asked, but what do the other hermits or members from empires think of grian being a watcher in your AU? i know martyn doesn't get on with him, but what are the others' view of it?

I don't know how every one would react, theres only a select few who know, but... !

Xisuma, because he was the first one to find Grian after he crashed into Hermitcraft. Xisuma already knows what Watchers are, so he took pity on Grian's reaction and took him in. He wasn't initially going to let him join HC since he was a stranger, (and a Watcher,) he was just going to help him back on his feet (wings?) and then send him on his way, but well things changed. Grian only told him whats relevant, so Xisuma doesn't know the whole story. Xisuma also comes from the End, he thinks the Watchers are inevitable and also none of his business as long as they don't mess with anything. Xisuma keeps tabs on Grian. Grian feels like he owes Xisuma the world.

Mumbo knows the full story, every little bit of it, Grian literally poured his soul out to him. Mumbo is the first friend he makes there, and Grian's still reeling from the whole experience so he built up a lot of trust in Mumbo and ends up spilling everything to him on a particularly bad day. Mumbo doesn't know what Watchers are, so he doesn't care that Grian was (is?) a Watcher, he just wants his friend safe, and doesn't think of him any differently. Mumbo sits right next to Grian with an arm over his shoulder, and fidgets with one of Grian's hands while he listens to him. Its sad at first, but towards the end of the rants Grian lightens up, a huge weight off his shoulders, and now they're both facing each other and gossiping abt their families. (Grian wins any family gossip bc his watcher aunt tried to throw him off a cliff)

Martyn and Jimmy, both were friends from Evo, and both feel betrayed by Grian leaving, and him being the direct reason their server is shut down. Martyn, while angry, and while he'd still fight him, he does want Grian out of there. Jimmy is more sad than angry, and tells himself he doesn't care, but he does, a lot. They both work with the Listeners, so Grian is a bit more villainized from their point of view.

Pearl also doesn't get the full story, she knows somewhat, and Grian has talked to her a bit about it, thats his sister ! But he can't tell her he left everyone on purpose, or how he was treated by Watchers, theres still a lot of guilt and shame. She doesn't force him to tell her everything, they're still siblings and repairing that relationship after being apart for so long.

Scar... Grian avoids Scar for awhile, after 3rd life he feels scared to face him in Hermitcraft. Though, to his shock, Scar can barely remember him, or the life games, its blurry, but theres a vague sense there, a memory or two, he recognizes Grian as much as you would a stranger you've seen twice in one week. Once they get closer though Grian tells him a bit, mostly abt the life game, and that his family runs it, but he didn't have anything to do with that. He also apologizes a lot. Scar just thinks Grian has a weird family, he doesn't know or understand what Watchers are, he mostly shrugs this off. Scar has a very "That was then, this is now" attitude, he wants to know This current Grian.

Thats everyone relevant that knows abt him, though I think there are a few Hermits that think theres Something up with Grian, but can't place it. Cleo, Etho, and Iskall, come to mind, theres something abt how Grian's eye catches the light...

(Theres also Taurtis.. The one that disappeared in Evo, one of the leading reasons Grian puts up with so much. I don't have much in writing abt Taurtis showing up again, but.. I do imagine his reaction to Grian would be very negative, maybe ? Angry and freaked out by him, I think Grian would collapse to his knees after seeing his reaction. BUT thats not really canon, thats just a thought I think is kinda fun.)

[tunastime]

Watching the rain fall + crashing together on the couch (maybe after coming back inside soaked from said rain?)

And whoever you want this prompt to be about! I'm not picky lol

watching the rainfall / crashing together on the couch (1005 words) (x)

"Cleo!"

Cleo looks up, brow furrowed as their concentration from their cup of tea and sketches are briefly interrupted by the sound of their front door opening and shutting. They blink. The voice is familiar, warm, thinned out from surprise. It's—

"'Suma, you better not be dripping all over my front carpet—"

"Ah—” and there’s her answer, she notes, as they stand from the table, leaving sketches and tea behind. “Sorry!"

Cleo steps into her entryway. 

Xisuma stands, still armored, dark purple and blue enchantments flickering ever so over the green, at her front door. Water drips from the creases of his arms as he holds each at the elbow, drips down his shins, drips down the lip of his helmet. Behind the tinted visor, she thinks she can place his bright, wide eyes staring back at her. 

Cleo sighs, setting her hands on her hips. Xisuma shrinks. It does little to displace the height he has over them, but definitely makes him a bit less imposing. She shakes her head, unable to stop the laugh that bubbles up in her chest. Her admin, trying to make himself impossibly small, trying to avoid the rain, standing, rain-damp in their entryway.

"God's sake—" she barks out a laugh, shaking her head. "What, did I win the place-to-hide-from-the-rain trophy? A sopping wet Xisuma in my entryway?"

Xisuma snorts, eyes crinkling.

"Interesting choice of words," he says, amused.

Cleo raises her eyebrows, fixing him with a pointed look. "Xisuma..."

"Sorry!" X laughs, holding out his hands. More water drips from his wrists as he moves, and he shifts back and forth experimentally, as if it would make any less puddles where he stood. "Sorry, you were the first house I saw when it started really pouring. Didn't mean 'ta muck up your front mat. Promise."

Cleo sighs again, but a weasel of affection manages its way into their chest regardless. They tilt their head back and forth, as if they were weighing their options, as if there were really any options to weight. Eventually, a smile worms onto her face as they take a step forward, rocking on her heels.

"Well... I can't have you goin' out in this rain, can I..." she muses. "Knowin' you, you'll get all achey and collapse halfway."

X makes a disgruntled sound in the back of his throat, muffled by his helmet.

"Ah—rude!" he grumbles. Cleo snorts.

"And truthful," she protests, poking him in the chest, meeting damp, ungiving armor. She waves a hand at him, shaking her head. "C'mon then, let's get you outta this. Least you can do is let me see your face."

X sighs, making a collection of sounds Cleo tries to classify as an argument, but none that form actual words. He starts with his chestplate as Cleo moves around him, dropping down to help weasel off the plates around his knees and shins. It takes some fiddling with the metal buckles, tugging until pieces come loose enough to slip over his shoes, tugging the chestplate over his head, laying everything out to drip-dry in an area less trafficked than the front step. Xisuma hands her his helmet as he toes out of his boots, stepping carefully to a place not yet damp by his own doing. As Cleo turns back to him, she catches him halfway through combing back his hair, a small frown screwing up his features. His nose crinkles as his fingers catch in his dark hair, trying to detangle what the helmet tugged free from the tie he'd held it back with. The score across his face crinkles with his nose, seemingly deepening the furrow of his eyebrows just from where it crossed his face. Cleo hums. Xisuma's washed-out eyes snap up. He snorts, wrinkling his face in earnest at Cleo.

"Happy?" he grumbles, but all the annoyance in his voice is feigned. She grins, beaming at him. 

"Very!" She says as she steps past, pausing to pat his cheek. "You need'a change of clothes, love?"

Xisuma shakes his head as her hand falls away. There's a look just underneath the wrinkle of his face that Cleo's pretty sure is fondness. Smug, maybe. Cleo nearly snorts again. At least he was dry now. The bastard.

"Nah, stuff underneath's just fine," he says. "Maybe a blanket though."

Cleo waves a hand back to the space behind them as they step away and into the base proper.

"Go pick around, I'll put the kettle on."

X clicks his tongue.

"Aw," he muses. "Bless you."

Cleo laughs. She wanders into the kitchen as she speaks, lifting the half empty kettle back into the stove and weaseling open the top. 

"Well you're damn lucky I like you, X," she says, picking a mug from the counter. "I don't do this for just anyone, y'know."

"I'm aware!" X says cheerily. 

It takes a moment for the kettle to finally boil, but soon enough, Cleo carries in a mug of hot tea to the living area, and sets it down within arms reach of X, comfortably contorted on their couch. He lifts his head slightly, blinking contentedly at the cup before he pats the space beside him. Cleo tilts her head.

"You know I've got work to do, X," they start. 

"So do I," Xisuma argues. "But I was told I have to be dry first. So the least I can do is enact the same fate on you."

Cleo gasps, laughing.

"So cruel!" She says, rounding the table and claiming her rightful spot next to him. Xisuma giggles, shifting a little to face her as she settles, knees touching. She smiles, reaching up after a moment to cup his face in her hands. He relaxes into her as she does, going easy as she brings his face down to kiss the space between his eyebrows. Cleo stays for a moment, nose to his forehead, as X rests his hands on their knees. 

"There we are," she hums. "Nice and cozy, eh?"

Xisuma sighs. He sounds content.

"Very."

[dragonflavoredcake]

Cub: If you let someone win at chess, is that sapiosexual bottoming? Xisuma: Does anyone on this godforsaken server think before they speak

[hmshermitcraft]

U want crackships??? I'll give u crackships!!

Mumbo Jumbo and V1 ULTRAKILL

Literally only because of the Mumbo vampire hc and the fact that they'd both "drink" blood.

Mumbo is kinda weird about drinking blood, it's basically cannibalism, even though he isn't human and it's a vegetarian diet he feels bad when the hermits show up for the monthly blood drive so Mumbo has plenty of caprisun blood bags.

V1 has no such qualms. V1 rolls around in gore like a fucked up little dog, V1 will do anything for a lil sippy of blood, V1 is absolutely flabbergasted when Mumbo is hesitant to eat in front of others.

Where V1 comes from the only one who had an issue with how it ate was Gabriel, and even he got over it eventually since V1 was not about to listen to an angel of all things. Plus there's more important things to worry about, like surviving in hell.

Trying to introduce V1 to the rest of the hermits is a nightmare because V1 is a homicidal maniac who's always hungry, but Mumbo manages it. V1 actually takes a liking to Xisuma because of his past as the doomguy so they manage to bond over their shared experience of battling into/through/out of hell and then killing God. Mumbo is thankful for this because at least V1 is learning that not everything that moves is a snack bar waiting to be eaten.

V1 brings Gabriel along one day because it's good to introduce your boyfriends to each other and Grian catches a glimpse of another previously brainwashed, now wanted criminal angel guy and is like "hell yeah let's be friends" and Gabriel is like "what the fuck is this weird bird???"

V1 being completely unable to speak and also literally a robot makes communication about feelings a bit difficult for Mumbo "emotionally constipated" Jumbo but they make it work with insane games of 20 questions and charades, which diffuses any arguments because it's so silly to watch this murder machine responsible for the extinction of the human race (????) try and communicate "why the fuck did u take my phone charger, i needed that" by gesturing wildly and beeping.

Mumbo lets V1 run wild under Scar's various mountain projects turned mob spawners whenever it gets a little antsy/overwhelmed with the amount of people it can't kill. After it's done mumbo has to pressure wash it so it isn't tracking gore literally everywhere because it has no issue with being covered in guts.

Mumbo is a massive, tall, wide, strong man, and V1 is just a little guy made for speed more than strength because u don't need to be terribly strong to shoot a gun. So basically whenever he wants, he can just pick V1 up and take it anywhere he wants. V1 doesn't mind because Gabriel does it too. What mumbo couldn't have foreseen is lifting V1 up, only to then be lifted up himself by Gabriel, creating a tiered uppies train. This has become a sort of tradition, sometimes V1 will even lift Grian before then being picked up, making a four layer uppies stack.

"hi I'm grain, this is my boyfriend Mumbo, and this is Mumbo's "boy"friend V1, and this is V1's boy"friend" Gabriel."

I don't know what this is, I've just been playing ULTRAKILL and, in my infinite defense, u did ask for this.

-carrie

Sometimes people will ask Mumbo how they got together, in that cute way that happens with couples. Mumbo has no idea. One day he was dating Grian, the next he was also dating an enthusiastic robot with a thirst for blood.

Once V1 gets the hang of 'no killing or maiming' there's at least plenty of hermits willing to duel with it. V1 always looks a little too happy about winning. None of the hermits even care at this point, they've all seen it carried under Mumbo's arm like a misbehaving dog. Ruins the intimidation factor a little.

[clover-doodles]

GUH I wanna ask stuff so bad about the Watcher Scar au but idk what to ask, uhhh

I would like to think though that Scar returned to season 9 just before it ended, where from a lore standpoint Grian panicked and made Xisuma switch the seasons so he could take Scar somewhere safer, where the Watchers wouldn't immediately know?

Idk lol I really like your au

I feel this would actually happen cause when scar returned Grian could probably sense a watcher’s presence before he even saw scar and panicked and maybe Pearl would be near by see Grian panicking he would then tell pearl that he senses a watchers presence and head straight to Xisuma and come across Scar along the way then Grian realizes Scar is the watcher he’s be sensing and panics even more then he did before because first Scar wins SL and then doesn’t return with then rest of them and when he does he’s now a watcher (and Grian’s been running away from the watchers and now they know where he is) so Grian just rushes the reunion and just drags scar with him to see xisuma and when he’s gets to xisuma Grian is just goes “we need to leave” with barely any explanation after Xisuma gets an explanation from pearl on what she thinks is going on they prepare to change seasons and once they are in season 10 the reunion and hurt/comfort begins

I’ll probably make a comic about this and then just ramble about my confusing ideas 😂

[theminecraftbee]

how many hermits have engaged in evil cloning? false, xisuma, and wels have evil clones, beef and cleo tried and failed, ren probably does somewhere (seems like a ren sort of thing), doc certainly has dabbled, grian has npc grian, joe is his own evil counterpart, worm man has zedaph, xb had that thing with kerilson...

i think when you sign up for hermitcraft you have to sign a waver that says that hermitcraft is not responsible for any evil clones you may or may not end up with. also i think zedaph insists wormman is his evil clone whenever this conversation comes up. no one has been able to prove otherwise yet so as far as he's concerned he's winning that argument,

[hermitcraftheadcanons]

Skizzekai Au Masterpost 2

We hit the limit of 100 links per post, so here's Part 2!

Masterpost 1

Ask links below cut

Canon Asks:

Grian's eyes

Big Bad reveal- Evil X!

Hels is a guard for EX

EX's magic hot tub

Yes, it really is a hot tub

Impulse misses the Evil Hot Tub

Effects of the sculk infestation

Cub caused the sculk

ZITS raiding EX's palace

EX's guards are hels hermits

Impulse's backstory

EX's form is not constant

EX's underlings are magic constructs

Hot Tub Clarification

Pirate Xisuma

Sculked Cub

EX made up a fake prophecy

Hot tub acronym

Why EX made the hels hermits

Helsknight made from enchanted armour

Grian is incomprehensible

Differences between X and EX

Impulse character design

Grian likes fishing

The Watchers are Joel's prophets

Hels Hermits aren't quite right

Wels has seal armour

EX didn't know Wels was a selkie

Hels Hermit minibosses

Helsknight has a feud with a seal

The hot tub is magic

Skizz can use his friends magic

Gems magic in the final battle

Ren and Cleo origins

Non-unified pirate kingdom

Water spirit xB

Demon magic details

Iskallium in the Ice Kingdom

Iskall's former name

Ex-Watcher Grian

Skizz cannot wear sleeves

Skizz first using Tangos magic

Mumbo and Grian details

Skizz travels to gain allies

The people of EX's land think Impulse is a spy

After they win, Skizz goes home.

Scar and Badtimes have met

Why Tango is scared of Grian

Zedaph became Death's apprentice by discovering immortality

The roles of True and Badtimes

How does Hypno adjust to the human world?

Various questions about Skizz in the Ice Kingdom

A few details on Skizz gaining the kingdoms favour

Rumours about the jungle

Xisuma grows his own bones

Etho and Skizz first meeting

Farmer Beef

Etho and Doc are the reason Joe is here

Grian and stories

Beef's jungle food

Mirror construct Beef

Beef glows when angry

Watchers are a job title

Grian is a Chaos Mage

Zed can't ever die + immortality details

Grian motivations, EX draining magic could kill him

Bdubs and Tango rivalry

Mumbo getting his power back

Skizz's endless journal

Pearl and forgiveness

EX, after being defeated.

Doc pranking the adventuring party

Cleo can turn people to stone

Alternates:

Hypno, in the human world

Backwards fae Skizz

Backstory for EX and some hels hermits

Watchers ultimate big bad + clarification

Two groups called Watchers

Underground entity Watchers

Impulse misunderstood the hot tub

Skizz sees alternate versions of his friends when he gets back to Earth

Grian and Pearl as Watchers

Beef collecting creatures in cards

Skizz getting visions of the moon falling

Expansion on previous Watcher Pearl alt

Moon Goddess Pearl

Skizz getting stuck in the hot tub

[silverskye13]

Rereading Redstone and Sculk, got to chapter 7, and suddenly was overcome by curiosity about how Evil Xisuma and Evil Beesuma see each other. Brothers? Awkward distant cousins? Pretend they don't know each other? Something actually approaching friendship? Would love to hear if you've got ideas for this

Hello you've unlocked my hidden lore that I didn't think was going to make it into anything because I can't contrive a reason for it [yet].

Putting under the cut because this got a little long! Sorry for the rambling :'D

So in RnS, Evil Xisuma is the functional admin. He has access to creative mode, and all the god-like powers that entails. When hels was smaller and newer, he used it to wreak havoc. Now, he mostly just uses it to stave off boredom. Given he's also the richest person on the server [god powers makes that easy] he's also a Colosseum Patron.

There's a small list of Colosseum Patrons who remain mostly anonymous [because there's a lot of betting involved with the Colosseum, and the betting gets less interesting when the self-proclaimed leader of hels announces who he's supporting. Everyone rightly assumes he picks the most likely to win]. Other patrons are The Demon [Hels!Impulse] and Etho's Hels, though I doubt we'll ever have a reason to meet him.

[takes a deep breath] Okay! Now that that's out of the way--

EX and EB actually used to have a lot of dealings with each other, since before Helsknight came around and took the Hels Champion title, EB held it. EX was his patron -- which mostly meant sponsoring his gear and occasionally footing bribe money to throw matches. EX has a massive superiority complex though [god powers does that to ya] so he never really saw EB as an equal or a friend. Mostly he was an asset, and a boredom killer. EX was capable of being civil, pleasant even, but he was also always quick to remind EB that he had motives for everything he did, including anything nearing friendship. When EB lost the Championship to Helsknight, EX dropped him like a hot rock to try and patron the knight instead. Helsknight refused his patronage though, so after bouncing around a bit he's settled on a new hels to the arena, because hey, underdogs are always interesting, right? [He's Evil Sausage's patron, something the up-and-comer takes a lot of pride in.]

EB for his part sees EX as like, his out of control older cousin. You know, that one cousin who lived in the same town as you and went to a lot of parties and generally caused trouble, so when you inevitably saw their teachers in high school, they threatened you within an inch of your life if you acted like them? [Maybe that's just a me thing? Hopefully not.] EB is a lot more chill than EX, and realizes he gets a portion of his reputation from sitting in EX's shadow. He doesn't like it, but he's gotten used to it, and sometimes the immunity of being related to the most important person on the server is nice. If nothing else, EX's pride won't let something happening to EB go unpunished -- no one makes the Xisumas look bad. Their reputations are inherently linked. He thinks EX's company is fine in short bursts, and they do still talk on occasion, whenever EX visits the Colosseum, but EB would be lying if he said he wasn't relieved they weren't a patron/fighter duo anymore. EX's unsolicited [and often impossible] advice on how to make a "cool and interesting match" was never something he enjoyed listening to. They do both share a love of mischief and redstone though, and have been known to swap prank ideas -- though EB will noticeably tone down EX's suggestions when he does them.

[riacte]

🛸 exterrasexymenpoll Follow

THE RED KING from TEAM DOGWARTS and BLUE BATS

vs

HAND OF THE KING from TEAM DOGWARTS

Please stop mentioning the Blue Stalker in our comments. They have caused a lot of distress for the Exterra community, no matter how “sexy” they are or “how many bitches” they get.

Once again, we condone voter fraud, but we draw the line at spamming our polls with links to the enemies to lovers Blue Stalker x Red King fic.

🎇 thestarsweremadeforus Follow

OFHHDFJSJDJS ITS HERE!!! DIVORCE POST!!! HAND VS KING the boyfriends are fighting!!!

Not gonna lie I was so absorbed in the potential hilarity of this matchup that I failed to realise I have to vote for someone now. I’m. Im genuinely torn 😭😭😭

💄 gaysloveqoh Follow

stop saying treebark is divorcing when they BOTH are on qoh’s side 😭 they’re united in their respect for our queen 😤

anyways idk what to do now that blueballs is out. anyone wanna make an alliance with the ballgurls 🥰

🦇 starshipspachelbel Follow

You’re right, the gays DO love qoh (gays being treebark)

This is so cruel, putting the king against his loyal hand… I am drowning, there is no sign of land, you are coming down with me, hand in unlovable hand…

#RKSWEEP though (I say with tears in my eyes)

👽 blueballs Follow

sorry but the blue stalker DOES get all the bitches 😎 more sexyman energy than xisuma exterra void anyway

anyways im endorsing red king LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOO

👑 princeofhearts Follow

To the #HEARTSWEEP people mourning their loss, why vote for [deadname] when you can vote for his transitioned self, the Hand of the King? Stop being so fixated on [deadname], he’s still RK’s gunner 😭

Btw the ship wars between RK x Hand vs RK x QoH are so stupid like the Hand and QoH are the same people???? Some miraculous laserbug love square type of bullshit? Anyways I support the prince of hearts 🙏

🍬 gunnerwithashotgun Follow

@/princeofhearts ur a freak, stfu!!! queen of hearts and hand of the king are TOTALLY different ppl (they have different bioneos colours) and ur being lumianphobic by thinking theyre the same even tho they're just the same SPECIES (they even have different cultures like the hand keeps on roasting rk for calling tuski "pearl" bc that's the way qoh learned it??)

🪓 handoftheking Follow

I’m adding “not False Symmetry / Queen of Hearts” to my bio. Like, she’s super cool, but I’m unfortunately not her.

Anyways, vote for me over that old man. You’re not letting a potato win, right?

💫 concorp-official Follow

Vote for the Red King! Show a screenshot that you voted for him at any ConCorp intergalactic outlet and receive a 5% discount, effective today!

⏳ rensanddaddy Follow

NOT THE OBVIOUS BRIBERY FROM MR CUB HIMSELF.... we need to vote harder for the Hand!! Just look at his blonde ass hair and blue dishwasher detergent freckles!! He's so pathetic and a meow meow and I want to lovingly crush him against the walls of a spaceship (im not the blue stalker i promise)

🐙 doctagon Follow

... guys. i. The actual Exterra official account on twt sent out the link to this poll?? The ACTUAL account?? We've breached so many layers of containment???????

🪓 handoftheking Follow

... Okay, that miiiight be my fault? It's good PR for us, right? We're the two sexiest racers in the Exterra industry on the podium together. It's good for our image, and maybe people will FINALLY stop truthing I'm transgender QoH

🌲 dilfkisser Follow

I hope we get a perfect 50/50 tie. I want homoerotic RK and his homoerotic Hand to both win. I want them to stand on the podium and make out while holding a pride flag while BlueBalls beatboxes in the shadows. I hope we all win. (Except the transgender lumian theory believers, go touch some stardust)

[enderwalking]

right, here's who i think SHOULD win in each match-up, based again on Categorical Integrity(TM).

scar. schlatt does very much fit the bill as well, don't get me wrong, but he's too much of an actual villain to get the woobification/whump treatment in wider fandom that scar gets in droves.

difficult to say since idk much about the sparklez fanbase but i'm leaning towards techno on account of the anime designs + voices by derivakat.

i did not spend a month calling e!false "c!ranboo but a girlboss" to anyone who would listen for her to NOT be categorized as a sexyman

ren. oli's charms come from him being utterly swagless, and there is at least SOME element of Rule Of Cool to sexymanification.

etho. no question.

tricky bc i know less about e1, but i'm gonna tentatively say scott on account of the twinkification factor.

impulse is far too often given the genial-best-friend treatment for him to qualify. also have you SEEN people's mumbo art? mumbo takes this one, without a doubt.

pixlriffs himself was in terror over how sexy people were drawing him, he deserves this.

eret. sorry cleo. you could say that it was never m--

i struggle here because neither of them QUITE fit, but i'm tentatively leaning towards phil because he DOES have the colorzas going for him. phil gang start shipping the colorzas together for extra points.

NEITHER OF THESE TWO REALLY FIT EITHER. i think that bdubs fits a LITTLE bit more. people did do some really crazy shit with the kingmaker stuff.

unfortunately, it is in fact ranboo.

honestly? xisuma. yes he's regarded pretty universally as bitchless but he DOES also get thirst-trapped in ways joe does not.

i love you tango and you do fit in some ways with the dungeon master vibes and also that one artist who draws you like a total whore, but it's definitely wilbur far and away.

POINTS TO MY GRIAN PRESENTATION.

quackity 100% deserves this

this all being said. i WOULD be okay with jimmy winning because it's funny. and i am fully anticipating the cleo and joe sweeps. but for the love of god if scar, false, pix, grian, and quackity do not prevail, i WILL start throwing things.

[fogwitchoftheevermore]

TERRIBLE NEWS. TUMBLR HAS REMOVED MY ABILITY TO ADD POLLS TO REBLOGS???

anyways. i'm trying to decide where to put skizz and joel in the hermitcraft blaseball au.

skizz's team is already decided (he's on the lovers, duh). yes that's his team in the life series au too, it's not my fault he has a brand. i made these aus before secret life even started.

but joel is harder to decide so i'm giving the choice to you all, who i trust with joel opinions more than i trust myself.

i'll add my reasoning for the teams provided below the cut, alongside a list of all the other options, including which hermits are on which team if putting him on the same team as certain people matters to you.

tokyo lift: other hermits already on the team include stress and false, who i think he'd have a fun dynamic with. i'm pretty sure the lift had a cyberpunk theme, as does joel this season. if he's on the lift i can justify drawing him with a pink streak instead of a green one. i'm also feeding into his ego here and putting him on the strong team.

yellowstone magic: he would be teammates with zed here, and i just think they would be very funny together. i can also justify dying his hair pink here, though it's much more magenta. also i think shrek would've lived in yellowstone. idk it feels right.

kansas city breath mints: i think joel would fit in with them vibes-wise (which is to say i think he would fail the bar exam). but i mostly included the breath mints in the poll because he would be teammates with cleo and gem.

breckenridge jazz hands: it would be pretty funny to shove joel in a room full of band kids, theater kids, resident mean girl iskall eightyfive, and xisuma. just imagine it with me. however. know that if you vote for joel to be on the jands, he will be making a brief cameo in my pearl/netty/jimmy precog trio fic that i'm working on as jimmy's replacement on the jands when he dies. for flavor!

anyways, other options!

hades tigers: only hermit teammate would be exil x, which is inherently a little hilarious. anyways these guys live in hell- not really. but they ARE fireproof!

mexico city wild wings: would make him teammates with hypno. all i really knew about the wings was spicy milk (exactly what it sounds like) and the time they tried to sue the entire league so. keep those facts in mind.

chicago firefighters: would make him teammates with tango. and also he would be a firefighter now. like, the profession. blaze joel afterlife smp likers i feel like this would appeal to you somewhat.

atlantis georgias: would make him teammates with xb. if he ends up on the georgias i'm turning him into a sea creature of some kind, so vote for what creature that is if you vote for this option.

philly pies: no hermit teammates here. all i remember about the pies off the top of my head is that they won the first two seasons of blaseball and then proceeded to never win a championship again.

new york millennials: would make him teammates with mumbo. and also housemates, because all the millennials live in an infinite apartment together, which feels appropriate for magic mountain. i could also make him pink here. however putting him on the mills would require me to type millennials more often, which is a word i cannot ever spell. would you do that to me? (/j)

seattle garages: would make him teammates with joe. one large band. if joel joins the garages i will be making him play the drums, of course. also i'll need to decide which garages song(s) i think he wrote.

dallas steaks: would make him teammates with beef. i don't know if i trust joel at a grill enough for this but i also don't know if i don't trust him.

san fransisco lovers: would make him teammates with ren (team captain), skizz, and wels. wow you've found one of the hermit hot spots. anyways this would put him in a medieval-themed, team-wide polycule.

core mechanics: would make him teammates with doc and keralis. i do think this would be an extremely funny trio. these guys live in the core of the world and build cool robots and things.

hellmouth sunbeams: would make him teammates with impulse. the moab desert fell into a hellmouth in season 1, so all the beams are Weird now. joel joining the beams would also make him Weird.

houston spies: would make him teammates with pearl. netty and jimmy were also spies before they died but idk if that'll be relevant to joel idk when i'm inserting him into these teams. anyways top secret escapades on the spies. also they have a secret base on the moon.

miami dale: would make him teammates with scar. the dale are the party time capital of the world and were the last team to ever make the playoffs, qualifying for the first time in SEASON FIFTEEN OF TWENTY FOUR. they never won an internet series but that's less of an accomplishment.

la unlimited tacos: would make him teammates with grian. the tacos tried to do a strike against god one time (it didn't work out but i respect the commitment)

boston flowers: no hermit teammates here. this was my team when blaseball was running and it would make me happy to put a hermit on it but it doesn't feel right for joel unfortunately. i can be convinced, however.

ohio worms: would make him teammates with wormman (aka zedaph in a disguise) and be coached by tfc. the worms are worms. they're in the dirt. self explanatory.

hawai'i fridays: would make him teammates with bdubs. this is also esmp 1 joel's team in the empires au which isn't relevant but is a fun fact (esmp 2 joel is on the lovers). the fridays have a cool goddess and good vibes. except for that time they all died. don't worry they got better.

canada moist talkers: would make him teammates with etho. i don't know if joel could survive in the cold but maybe i'm wrong maybe he'd be fine. maybe he's withstand it just to stake his claim as #1 ethogirl.

charleston shoe thieves: would make him teammates with cub and jevin. would also (maybe) make him get cursed by god but don't worry about that part, worry about the thieves guild he's joining.

baltimore crabs: would make him teammates with helsknight only. also inherently hilarious. this is the divorcee zone also there's a long dead crab goddess in the chesapeake and if you join the crabs parts of your body will slowly turn into crab. we have fun in baltimore.

[blacktofade]

Very proud to derail your afternoon. The chart is phenomenal and i am chewing on it.

Have you written anything in an au for this or does it live in your head? I would love to hear more !!!!

I actually haven't written or even thought about this AU! Before yesterday, my blorbos were existing in very separate spheres! Not sure why it's never occurred to me to combine them though!

Dropping some rambling thoughts below the cut:

So, I think the feud aspect of wrestling would be a fun translation for the Hermits. Like Doc vs Grian in the ring, where Grian is more of an aerial fighter, using the ropes to his advantage and jumping at Doc. Whereas Doc would be more strength based with powerbombs and throwing Grian into the barriers. (Also pls join me in thinking about an angry, bloodied Grian going HAM on Doc and actually winning!!)

But then I also have thoughts about Xisuma, who would wear a lucha mask and no one would know his identity and it would be very fun!

I think Pearl would be the most intimidating wrestler because she would straight up be ready to murder if she was in her 5AM phase. Or maybe she's like Danhausen where she's very nice, very evil, and sometimes her terrifying persona slips out! But in my universe there would be intergender matches and she would win all of them.

[tunastime]

On Finales (Stretching Endless Night)

Here you guys go: the joke chapter for Stretching Endless Night! I couldn't help myself on AO3 and the 'Major Character Death' warning was too good not to indulge in.

Here’s the thing: things don’t always end up how they’re supposed to. 

It’s a well known fact—it’s also a caveat. The unknown is a fear, too, a liability, a risk. It’s a well-known one of those, too, one that both Etho and Bdubs were familiar with.

The thing about that risk is that sometimes it can be ignored. It can be put to the back burner and set aside and have something be thrown over it to obscure it from view so that risk becomes out of sight, out of mind, and Etho and Bdubs were very good at having things go out of sight when they were out of mind. It was like their whole relationship balanced on not knowing and forgetting and apologizing for not knowing and forgetting and wasn’t that just the funniest thing.

They don’t make it.

That’s the other thing—the other thing that ends up not how it’s supposed to. Which is horrible, given how much they tried. But isn’t it worth trying anyway? Isn’t it worth always fighting against the odds, to not accept that there’s a no-win scenario? Isn’t that what Xisuma used to say? When did he start saying that; was it after he lost Tango? Maybe after he came back?

You normally don’t have to deal with altitude sickness in space. Given that the altitude normally doesn’t have an effect anymore because there simply isn’t any oxygen left to thin. But it thinned on the STS-143, and the bends kill faster than altitude sickness, and infection does, too. And in the end, it wasn’t anyone’s fault. Maybe it’s better that there was no one to blame.

Hands locked together, fingers pressed to the shallow valleys of knuckles, of space between fingers, heads tucked against once warm shoulders, canisters of oxygen left at hips. If it were any other time, it might be sad. If it were any other universe, it might be poetic.

When Bdubs and Etho are found together, curled in like two parentheses with oxygen between them, it’s poetic. And it’s a touch sad. And it’s a story. And it’s just one more entry into a data log. Etho and Bdubs die, and the smooth rotation of the Prometheus continues, and the Spacer is tugged along behind the Rift, and nobody speaks. Nobody has the words.

But that’s not how this really ends, is it?

Somewhere, quietly, an EKG continues to beep.

Tango sets the Rift on autopilot.