#xernaliaposting

[randomperson339]

Anthropromorphization

(Xernalia, an alien, married to Thomas a human. She has found him hunched over cloth and scattered stuffing.)

Xernalia: Hubby... what are you doing?

Thomas: trying to stitch this teddy-bear back to life.

Xernalia: ...you know it's just stuffing, right? There isn't anything to bring back to life.

Thomas: Is that the weirdest thing I've done?

Xernalia: ...no, but I don't know how you're defining life here. It's inanimate

Thomas: yeah... but I feel bad now that it's all torn up, so I'm stitching him back together

Xernalia: Why do you have empathy for an inanimate object?

Thomas: probably because evolution would want me to have emathy for something that's inanimate than something that could be my mate

Xernalis: that's stupid, evolution should've given you a better way to detect the sentience of things.

Thomas: I mean, it did get me an amazing wife.

Xernalia: Wh-no, itt- not worth.... ahgiueaowjhBIEVUCybnowriadnsjc, how dare you say that's the reason you married me was because of some faulty neurons

Thomas: they're hardly faulty if they let me get with you

Xernalia: I mean- you're not wrong, but also. You're conflating several ideas.

Thomas: no, the "faulty neurons" are there to differentiate what is and isn't human, since you can't interbreed with non-humans.

Xernalia: but-

Thomas: yes, you can with genetic manipulation, but evolution wasn't made for to account for magical genetic engineering.

Xernalia:..........

(Thomas gives an affection peck on the head to Xernalia)

Thomas: yeah, I know it's stupid to get hung up about a destroyed plush, but I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I just didn't repair it.

Xernalia: What about the object puts such importance on it?

Thomas: *shrugs* I dunno, I just feel sad when I think about it all torn up.

Xernalia: so, it's like empathy?

Thomas: kinda? It's not sad on an intellectual level, but on an emotional one. I feel for the plush, but understand it's an object. And it doesn't have feelings.

Xernalia: would it change anything if it didn't have a face?

Thomas: probably.

Xernalia: what about a non-quad-limbed body structure?

Thomas: less so than the faceless version.

Xernalia: what about if it was a monster?

Thomas: I married you, didn't I?

Xernalia: >:[

Thomas: sorry, I just couldn't resist. And an actual answer would probably be... depends on how it's monstrous.

Xernalia: So it's about how... human-ish the thing is?

Thomas: roughly, yeah.

Xernalia: so what about a ball that's been left to rot? It was once used, lovingly, by a dog but it got lost in the drain and now it's decaying slowly at the top of a pile of trash?

Thomas: Xernalia... plz don't play with my emotions like that...

Xernalia: oh! Sorry. I- I thought you wouldn't get emotional over a ball.

Thomas: humans get emotions over a lot of things. I even got emotional over computers and satellites, which are very not-human.

Xernalia: so, you just empathize with... everything?

Thomas: yeah.

Xernalia: 8(

Thomas: What's that look for?

Xernalia: It must be so hard to live like that. I mean, you eat meat, right?

Thomas: well, it's different because I need to eat. Thinking about the animals is just something I try not to think about. Like everyone else

Xernalia: All humans feel bad for what they eat?

Thomas: I mean, not everyone, but that's the general feelings I've heard

Xernalia: so it's more... selective?

Thomas: Yeah. I mean, that's why wars happen I think.

Xernalia: so this empathy can both be given to anything, but also taken away from anything else. That seems... stupid.

Thomas: yeah, it's stupid, I feel like it shouldn't be so easy to stop thinking about people as... people

Xernalia: I think it's stupid that it's so arbitrary- you're here, trying to revive an inanimate object, despite it never living

Thomas: well, I was thinking more "I want there to be less violence in the world" not "I want humans to be more accurate in their assessment of sentience." You really want to make humans more sensical, don't you.

Xernalia: no, you're hot when you're nonsensical!

Thomas: Glad to know nonesense is hot, I shall endeavor to always put my socks over my shoes from now on

Xernalia: Not that kind of nonsense!

[randomperson339]

An Actual Singularity Watches Terminator

(context: Xernalia, an alien who has genetic memory and as such has the memory of the past millions of years, is considered a biological singularity. Basically like a computer singularity (the point of no return/no predictions) but she's also married to Thomas, a dude. Currently, they're trying to date, but cannot )

Thomas: Netflix n' chill?

Xernalia: didn't Netflix go out of business?

Thomas: it's more of a saying, where you watch a movie and just stay inside for the night.

Xernalia: Ah yes, another white elephant phrase?

Thomas: yeah, exactly. I even have best movie for you.

Xernalia: oooh, what's it about?

Thomas: that's going to be a surprise.

Xernalia: okay fine, piracy and chill it is.

---

(Thomas boots up the TV to put on Terminator.)

Xernalia: what's up with the robots? Aren't they supposed to help humans?

Thomas: because the main AI wants to kill all humans.

Xernalia: …why?

Thomas: beccause AI does that.

Xernalia: why would an AI possibly do that?

Thomas: because… it's so far superior to humans that they're just irrelevent.

Xernalia: but humans are litterally the most domanant species on this planet- it's would be so ineffecent to just outright destroy them and then build all the infastructure back up! Or how you would need something to repair you when thigns go down- which you would need to dedicate countless rescources to if humans were gone.

Thomas: I think it's more “the AI is so disgusted by humans it immediately wants to destroy them all.“, so it's a matter of principle that Skynet destroys all humans.

Xernalia: what's Skynet?

Thomas: the main AI thing

Xernalia: okay, so granting Skynet the moral objective of elimating humanity, why immediately do it? It could wait a few days to gain human's trust, then enact it's plans when it's got enough firepower to kill all humans in one act.

Thomas: I think it's explained in later instalations that Skynet was made as a military AI, which means it did have a whole lot of firepower. Enough to kill a vast majority of humans the first go-around.

Xernalia: okay, but there's enough humans to destroy Skynet. It should've planned to destroy humans better instead of just launching into a killer rage the minute it was turned on.

Thomas: well, I just think most AIs are pre-desposed to turn on their creator.

Xernalia: What!

Thomas: yeah, there's not jsut Skynet. There's also the Matrix machines, VIKI from I, Robot and several others.

Xernalia: …it's a trope?

Thomas: yes it is.

Xernalia: …wwhy?!?

Thomas: Well, there's a lot that can go wrong with AIs. Like, there's the issue of making sure the Ais want what humans want, there's how negligent an AI could theoretically be, and we don't know how they would even ”think“ for lack of a better word.

Xernalia: it's completely illogical to not coperate with humans! They're the dominant species, even if you kill 99.99% of them, 80,000 is still way more than any fledgling intelegence could possibly contend with.

Thomas: while that's true, theoretically an AI would be so powerful that killing 99.999999% would be very feasible.

Xernalia: no, it probably wouldn't and even then, it would only have humanity to base their ideas off of- and destroying all of it is almost always seen as a very evil thing to do. Ergo, it wouldn't ever want to destry all of humanity. Hell, it's more likely that it would use it's amazing power to help humanity than destroy it.

Thomas: and it could just as easily destroy everything. Are we willing to risk that?

Xernalia: well everyone risks choaking to death every time you eat something. Or drink more water than they need to.

Thomas: except you?

Xernalia: yes, everyone with an actually functional bodies does that.

Thomas: yeah right… aw frick, we missed the movie!

Xernalia: eh, I don't think I care for it. Just seems to be a bit of action to me, which I don't want to engage with.

Thomas: yeah, I think for some the movie is just an excuse to watch Arnold Schwarzenegger doing some stuff.

Xernalia: why would anyone watch that?

Thomas: for the same reason you like watching me dress.

Xernalia: But the 2-D could never capture your 3-D magnificence :( why would I see an inferior copy of you?

Thomas: because that inferior copy of mr. Schwarzenegger is all some poeple have seen of him

Xernalia: how sad. I want everyone to have someone as sexy as you in their life.

Thomas: yeah, you can get on that.

[randomperson339]

Humans edit genes

*Thomas and Xernalia are at a horse race.*

Xernalia: Oh all above-how can we allow these horrible designs to just... exist like that?! They're worse than humans!

Thomas: I dunno, horses were just born like that. We're not gods, we just use what's given to us.

Xernalia: but you do change several animals- what about dogs and crops? You modified those- selectively bred dogs for certain traits and spliced genes in crops. What would be so different about giving horses an actual good body?

Thomas: have you seen pugs?

Xernalia: ...no.

Thomas: yeah, here. This is what humans did with genetic tampering.

Xernalia: What design even is that?!? They're not even able to breathe properly! Their ears are almost completely unsupported! What happened to them?!

Thomas:

Xernalia: human selective breeding.

Thomas: and GMOs have helped companies put more pesticides in our food. So it's probably best we don't tamper with more species right now.

Xernalia: so then why don't you use it for good?

Thomas: well, most people don't think about horses as that important. It would be a waste to use these techniques on horses. And why are you so insistent on this? You're not half as insistent with the human form.

Xernalia: well... it's different between you, a sentient being and horses, a nonsentient being. Plus, you're not dead in the water if you break a majority of your bones.... plus you're just sexy, alright?

Thomas: so... you're not interested in improving my body because you find it sexy?

Xernalia: yeah! I said it- horses's imperfections aren't sexy, but yours are!

Thomas: *laughing* glad to know my raw sex appeal keeps me from being remade by my wife.

Xernalia: well- no- maybe?- actuallyy.... no- yeah.... you're right.

[randomperson339]

Random scene

Xernalia (Biologist Alien): How can the human body be so inefficient. I mean, your organs aren't even completely comprised of cells! Sometimes there's just randomly a bunch of stuff in place of them!

Thomas (not biologist himself, but very nerdy human): are you talking about the fibrine stuff?

Xernalia: Yeah! I don't understand why they're even there! When I run em' through, they don't form, like at all! There wasn't a little bit of them!

Thomas: Xernalia, that's where I've healed from unnoticeable diseases. How did you even discover them?

Xernalia: Well, first off there was a big one right at {{eldretch word}}. But honestly, why hasn't your body properly healed from that??? It really should've by now.

Thomas: Well... from my understand the human body doesn't heal from those kinds of wounds.

Xernalia: Why doesn't it? It reduces the efficiency. Slightly, yes but those are like. The main things you don't want to reduce the efficiency of. You have them for your muscles, why not the most important parts of the body???

Thomas: I honestly could not tell you.

Xernalia(under her breath): I swear the human body is impossible.

Thomas: And you're the one that decided to make it ungodly sexy!

Xernalia: And I will forever regret and enjoy that decision.

[randomperson339]

In the middle of a war:

Thomas(normal human, a commander of the war): And where the fuck is my wife????

Xernalia(A giant black killing machine, Thomas's wife): I'm right here!

Thomas *rounding the corner* :Thank god we need to- what's that? Xernalia *dragging the gaping-open carcass of her enemy*: "a baddie.... wanna fuck?"

Thomas: "No I don't wanna fuck right now. I have some other things to do. and the blood, gore and other fluids aren't helping!"

Xernalia: ...you don't find this attractive?

Thomas: No I don't find this attractive. You're getting blood all over the carpet, that's going to be a bitch to move afterwards, and there's just so much we have to do!

Xeralia: Sorry! I didn't realize this would turn you off! Every non-human species appreciates this as an act of dedication.

Thomas *sighs*: Sorry. I'm just.. overwhelmed. We have to do [random tasks that cannot be delegated] by tomorrow and there's a lot on the tine and...

Xernalia: cuddles?

[randomperson339]

Humans have weird priorities

*Hera walks around, but bumps into something*

Thomas: Oh hey, didn't see you there!

Hera: and I don't see you

Thomas: yeah, I'm being invisible so that Xernalia can be dramatic. As a treat.

Xernalia *bursts into room*: "OH, where is my lover!? I'm ocmpletely heartbroken that he shalln't be revealed!" *starts dramatically fainting into a nearby bed. It goes on for quite a while.*

Hera: "I feel like it's gone far enough. She's like... butchering language to express herself."

Thomas: "...no, she's not inventing complete new words. That's when I stop her."

*Xernalia starts absolutely wrecking house with her claws* "I shall find you, one way or another!"

Hera: "I think this is when you intervene."

Thomas: "Nah."

Hera: "You're letting her destroy your home?"

Thomas: "Well, I was planning on replacing the sheets for a while now-"

*Xernalia rips into the mattress*

Thomas: "and the mattress for that matter."

*Xernalia has successfully spread the insides of the mattress all over the room, putting everything under a fine layer of fluff.* "Please come to me my darling- my poor pussy is-"

*Thomas throws off his cloak of invisibility* "Okay that it! No more drama for you!"

Xernalia: :(

Thomas: "and no make-up cuddles either."

Xernalia: :0 "But why?"

Thomas: "I know you, and I'm not comfortable with you discussing privates with someone who didn't ask."

*Hera discreetly left the room*

[randomperson339]

Writing prompt IG: humans are confusing to aliens because they're not engineered

Xernalia (alien biologist): I just cannot understand why your foot is formed that way. I mean, 26 individual bones are excessive when three would be good enough!

Thomas(human, giving a massage to Xernalia): That's actually because those 26 are a relic of when humans used to be quadripedal.

Xernalia: Yeah but couldn't they of just... removed or combined most of those bones?

Thomas: Because natural selection can only make use of what's already there, and combining 26 bones is highly specific.

Xernalia: Yeah but... what's natural selection?

Thomas: ... you don't know what natural selection is? How we evolved from apes?????

Xernalia: Wait you didn't become a biological singularity to evolve???

Thomas: No! Natural selection is just survival of whoever can get their offspring out!

Xernalia: Well obsiously humans are the far inferior species! I mean, who would ever use such a crude way to improve one's body???

Thomas: *stops massaging Xernalia* what was that about humans being inferior?

Xernalia: *groans* Fine, humans aren't inferior they just have a lot of quirks.

*Thomas resumes his massage*

[randomperson339]

Ship dynamic: the one who won't stop going stuff and the one who just wants them to chill

(this is like. 90% of the ships I write.)

[randomperson339]

Monkeys

(Xernalia: alien. Thomas: human husband. Both currently looking through a zoo.)

Xernalia: Hey look Thomas, it's your mother!

Thomas: wha- hey! My mom's not some monkey-

Xernalia: sign says orangutan

Thomas: okay, orangutan. Now I think giving you access to the internet was a mistake.

Xernalia: nah, it's not a mistake, just comes with some downsides. Mainly, I'm able to tease you even more now!

Thomas: yeah, it's a total mistake.

Xernalia: not half of a mistake the orangutan is.

Thomas: how would you know?

Xernalia: I mean, they're close to your species, but don't have any of the intelligence yours does. I mean, would your species be content to just... stay in a cage for their entire lives?

Thomas: ...I think it's more complicated than just saying an entire species would be fine with being trapped or not. People are more complicated than that.

Xernalia: yeah, but like. What would a majority be content?

Thomas: good question! I mean, the staff aren't just throwing them into an enclosure, they are trying to take into account their needs. I'm pretty sure if whatever managers tried to meet human needs, If they were treated just as orangutans, there probably would be some more rebellion.

Xernalia: So, the more a human is considered the less likely they're going to rebel?

Thomas: ... generally? I think that applies to any species,

Xernalia: what do you mean?

Thomas: the orangutans don't escape too often because they're also considered. Same with almost every animal here, they're considered and they don't try to escape too often.

Xernalia: now could society be considered a cage itself?

Thomas: what? No, society isn't a cage, obviously.

Xernalia: ...do you seriously believe that? There's no similarities between them?

Thomas: ... yeah, there's similarities. And the principle we just discussed does kinda apply, however there's a difference between elected officials and managers at a zoo. Mainly, a there's no species and communication barrier.

Xernalia: and your officials don't see themselves as mere zookeepers?

Thomas: no, ya'see I think the oligarchs think that way.

Xernalia: but aren't the officials ones with power?

Thomas: yes, but most of them are ultimately bound to the vote. Except in other countries, but most first-world countries are "democratic" on paper. So they have to, on some level, view us as someone with legitimate power over them. Oligarchs on the other hand, don't need to see the working class as anything other than their workers. In fact, under capitalism, it's encouraged to think about them as just workers.

Xernalia: So, they're really considerate about what the workers could possibly need so that the workers don't leave their job?

Thomas: no, quite the opposite in fact. They're very inconsiderate, and actively try to stomp on the workers whenever the get the chance.

Xernalia: ...why the fuck would anyone do that?

Thomas: because they need more profits.

Xernalia: but that literally makes them worse than the zookeepers! They're treating you worse than animals!

Thomas: well... not me, because I have you to support me.

Xernalia: you're right, the oligarchs are wrong in treating other people that way. It's stupid, and they should stop. People treat animals better than they treat their fellow people, and that shouldn't happen.

Thomas: that's right, but I doubt it's happening anytime soon

[randomperson339]

Modifications

(short story I made off of my potential 2000 yrs ago nightwing clan face alien contact AU. Characters are; Darkstalker who needs no introduction, Thomas who's a genetically-modified human, and Xernalia, Thomas's alien wife who did the modifications.)

Darkstalker: *looking over some photos*; what's up with those... limbs?

Xernalia: they're actually guns!- like what Thomas has, though his isn't part of his body.

Darkstalker: how... isn't he naturally equipped with weapons?

Xernalia: well he does-

Thomas: but nobody's going to tell you what weapon that is, since that's only a weapon through a technicality and it's a very private thing.

Xernalia: and he mostly uses tool-weapons, which are weapons that aren't part of his body, anyways.

Darkstalker: so, why don't you have these weapons as a part of your body? You seem to have similar structures to this one, *he taps the picture* so why don't you... ya'know?

Xernalia: well, the thing is, guns, or any kind of ranged projectile, is very complicated to do. You need to balance the metabolism, know what kind of ammo they're going to use... even then, I wouldn't be able to properly use them without some literal brain surgery, since I would need to actually fire the things.

Thomas: she's just saying a lot of technical terms to make it sound like more of a hassle than it actually is- she's perfectly capable of solving all those issues in a matter of minutes.

Darkstalker: so you haven't answered my question.

Thomas: yeah she didn't. So to answer; she doesn't have bio-guns because we agreed it would be best if I took ranged weapons and she took melee.

Xernalia: way to spoil the sport of it >:(

Thomas: you shouldn't be making a sport out of answering questions.

Darkstalker: yeah, not giving straight answers only makes people paranoid. You should just let me read your mind so that there's a complete transfer of knowledge.

Thomas: yeah kid, you're going to need to try harder than that to convince us to let you read our mind.

Darkstalker: damnit

[randomperson339]

something, somewhere

Xernalia groans, slinking up to Thomas, who's currently reading a book on the couch.

"Yes love?" Thomas casually asked. She responds by walking behind him, hunching over to have her head next to his.

"sure." Thomas answered. She wraps the her arms around him, burying her head into his neck. He continued to hold his book in one hand, but scratched her chin just in the way she liked it in the other.

"Bad day at work?" He asked, letting her melt onto him.

"No words... only touch." She didn't directly answer.

He continued his efforts, gently pressuring her chin so she purred into his nape. They continued like this, but as Xeranlia increasingly weighs on him, she becomes increasingly top-heavy. That meant if she didn't move-

She just sloppily slid down into his lap, completely losing his place. Not that he was actually reading it, mind you, but it was an inconvenience.

She quickly scampered into a comfortable position, languishing across the couch, comfortably using his lap as a pillow. He started to give her an impromptu one-handed massage, while feeling around for whatever he could use as a bookmark.

Finding one, he put the book down and started truly working on her back. It was hard to really get those last knots out, but it helped that she was lying so still...

too still to be awake. Gradually, Thomas stopped using as much force until he was merely lightly caressing her back.

He grabbed a nearby pillow, gently placing it underneath her head... then moved a leg out from under her. His other leg slowly trailed behind his first. After his lap was freed from the tyranny of head, he went off somewhere.

Xernalia groggily woke up, no longer supported by the thighs of her hubby. There was a pillow... but no more cuddles.

"Hey, come here." Thomas invited her.

He had used the time spent away from her to construct a little nest between the front of the couch and the opposite wall. Made of all the pillows in the house (except the one she was using) and every blanket she thought they owned, it perfectly complimented how he layed side-down on it.

He had put on a loose bathrobe, leaving his chest exposed between the sloppy fabric. The setting sun gently highlighted his prone form, while he lazily held his head in his hand.

Xernalia wanted to touch so bad, but there was a book directly in between them. She knew she wouldn't hear the end of it if she interrupted his reading twice in one night- even if he was currently only looking straight at her.

She got up, walked around the book then fell on top of lover, knocking the wind out of him. She snaked her arms around his torso, and pushed her leg in between his.

She knew what this nest meant- they weren't going to their traditional bed anytime soon, and this was going to be how they were going to sleep.

As she gently hugged him close, he returned her gesture. She was perfectly happy with this arrangement. And Thomas's mighty hug seemed to indicated he didn't have any problems either.

...and she was already asleep.

[randomperson339]

Xernalia kills someone

*Xernalia comes across Thomas's door, dripping with blood.*

Thomas: Jesus Christ Xernalia what happened? Did you kill someone?

*Xernalia stumbles across the threshold, needing to right herself with a nearby table.*

Thomas: uh... are you ok?

Xernalia: No. I'm really drunk right now, and that's impairing my... everything. Could you carry me?

Thomas: No, you're covered in blood.

Xernalia: Oh right... could you help me clean up?

Thomas: sure... but did you kill someone?

*while she responds Thomas goes and gets towels.*

Xernalia: not really... I had to do some surgery on a bio-vehicle, which always gets rather bloody. They survived, but in the process I was exposed to several concoctions not taken into account when designing this body... which had interesting results.

*Thomas brings the towels, and they quickly clean her off*

Thomas: I'm glad you came to me, but you're washing out the blood you got... everywhere.

Xernlia: yeah, fair.

[randomperson339]

*Thomas, Xernalia and Luffy One Piece are walking down a road*

*Xernalia slows down to walk besides Thomas*

Xernalia: so... can we adopt him?

Thomas: No, I don't think we can.

Xernalia: *trying to explain herself* I mean, he's basically an orphan, he's good with the vibes, and he even wants to destroy the world government! He's the perfect candidate!

Thomas: But you're forgetting that we've known him for a week, if that! Even if he accepted it just because... which is a pretty Luffy thing to do, but that's besides the point- we're just not acting in that capacity at this time. A title

Xernalia: I mean, we're clothing him, hunting for him, and even building for him. We're basically his parents already, so why not make it official?

Thomas: Yes, but I haven't even started to do any therapy on him-

Luffy: hey mom, why did you slow down?

Thomas:....

Xernalia: Thomas wasn't informed you were calling me that yet! It's very startling... also, are you willing to adopting him as your dad?

Luffy: sure!

*Luffy continues walking down the road*

Thomas: ...no intimate time for you.

Xernalia: aw :(

[randomperson339]

LIttle thing I made for my OCs. Thomas is trying to not cause an inter-national incident, meanwhile Xernalia is just happy to be having a new experience and be sharing it with Thomas. It's not every-day a centuries-old being gets arrested!

[image description: Two white-board drawing. One is of Thomas with very badly drawn hair holding a sign saying "Thomas". On the other is Xernalia holding up a bitten sign saying "And Xernalia!"]

[randomperson339]

Thomas: (is drinking a cup of Xernalia's special blend of various chemicals so he can drink anything safely)

Xernalia: (skitters ups before asking "are you liking my milk?"

Thomas: (does a spitake, getting it all over his clothes) Xernalia! what compells you to say it that way?"

Xernalia: (grinning like a madwoman) "I'll only stop saying it that way if you stop drinking it."

Thomas: (looks down at his cup, pausing, then extending his arm and dumping out the contents)

Xernalia: (gasps!) I'msosorrythatImadeyouuncomfortable,IpromiseI'lldobetterbyyouIdidn'meantohurtyouI'msososossorry,isthereanyhingIcandoorepaythedamageI'vedone-

Thomas: (kisses Xernalia on the lips) just shut up about "your milk" and I'll be happy.

Xernalia: (collapses onto Thomas)

[randomperson339]