#wymack: he's parents would mind

[ravlykpavlyk]

10 year old kevin: hi dad!

wymack, opening the front door: uh kevin? who is it?

neil behind kevin, covered in bruises and cuts: I'm neil

kevin: he's neil. he likes exy! I'm gonna keep him

[allforthegaymes]

Andrew sat in the fbi interrogation alongside Neil, stuck between trying to decide wether to keep his wary eyes on the agents sat across from them or to keep his eyes locked on Neil, as if he’ll disappear again if he loses sight of him at any point.

Instead he keeps a finger hooked around one of Neils belt loops and sets himself to memorizing every word out of Neils mouth, keeping a watch on the agents to make sure they dont make a sudden attempt to go back on their words.

Which means he gets the first hand sight of how other people would react to hearing about what Neil’s gone through. And while he’d accepted every word from Neils mouth without a facial reaction, watching how the agents react make him think maybe he shouldve.

(The whispered thanks from Neil afterwards about Andrew not looking at him differently changes his mind)

The only part that really makes him freeze is when Neil begins the talk of his mothers death. Andrews all too familiar with dead mothers in cars, but hearing about the gun wound, the vinyl seats sticking to a half burnt away body, the bone burial along the beach. Neil stutters only once during his recounts, where he slips and mentions the smell.

He compares it to the scent of cigarettes, used Andrew’s one marlboro reds as a reference and suddenly all those rooftop rendezvous together makes more sense.

Neils half smoked cigarettes, never stubbed out but left to continue burning on the concrete next to them while they sit and talk. The way he only does stub them out when talking about his parents, or when Andrew mentions something about his own mom, or when Andrew says anything about the earlier days with Aaron.

Neil stops talking for a moment after that. Lost in thought.

And as always, Andrew follows him half a step behind.

Neils adamant claims during their zombie apocalypse walks with Renee around the track that he would always burn their friends bodies to make sure they dont come back from the dead.

The way he always leaves the room when they watch the newest episode of that stupid viking show that Aaron and Kevin like to watch and theres a burning boat funeral.

The way he-

And then Neil starts talking to the fbi agents again and Andrew is forced to tune back in and tuck away those thoughts till later.

He tells them about what happened in Baltimore.

The torture from Lola. The dashboard lighter pressing seared wounds into his skin. Over the tattoo, scattered across his arms, the faint marks from where she tried to burn holes through his jeans to get to his thighs. Saved only half as well as they were by the fact he’d worn a pair of the carhartt work pants Andrew had bought for him and not a pair of the threadbare thrift store jeans he usually wore.

Andrew makes the mental note to stop using his own dashboard lighter to light the cigarettes he smokes in the car. And to swap cigarette brands. And to stop smoking in the car.

And then its about the trunk of the car, the way Lola had held onto him and the comments she made in the car, the basement, the offhanded mention about how Nathan was barefoot when he walked down the stairs.

The little details that only someone who’s truly grasping for any recollection in a traumatic moment would retain. The way even when Nathan was walking down to tear Neil limb from limb, Neil still couldnt bring himself to look at his fathers face. The face that Neil shares. The face Neil still avoids looking at when he walks past the mirror in the hall in Columbia.

And he thinks about the way Neil shied away from Wymack in the beginning, the way he now searches for Wymacks face whenever they get separated from their coach at away games.

The gun shots during the Hatford raid, the way even though Neil was bruised and battered he still found himself with a smile on his face when he saw Lola’s body get blasted apart by silenced guns.

The way he knew even if they got a proper funeral no one down there would get to have an open casket. The evidence in their bullet shattered bones that their bodies would never rest peacefully. That people in a thousand years would know from the unmarked graves and their remains that they deserved whatever ended them.

And then he claims it goes dark, he says it with the same way Neil lies about everything else, with his body forced relaxed to not twitch and give himself away, but he breathes a little heavier when he calmly tries to describe the way he came to and found himself being helped by the emergency services, feigning he doesnt know what theyre actually called, playing into the runaway kid sent on the road too young and not knowing completely how the world works still.

Andrew wishes he didnt know Neil well enough to know its only half real. Wishes he didnt know Mary probably only taught Neil how to recognize and run from EMT’s, and never actually explained what EMT was meant to stand for.

Andrew knows first hand how hard it is to gain sympathy from government officials, but Neil’s got them eating out of his hand with the way he words his story, their final nail in the coffin to take down the Wesninski trails in Baltimore and beyond.

Neil knows they need him and he knows how to play them to believe whatever story he deems they’re worthwhile to hear.

[aledethanlast]

Sometimes at night I dream about an au where Wymack is Nathan's twin brother.

Bear with me.

David and Nathan are identical twins, but still look eerily alike until they grow older. David is older by twenty minutes, and the one who leaves their shifty parents first and is all too happy to leave his twin behind too. He's quick to change his name and they lose track of each other's existence long before either of them move to America.

He doesnt recognize Neil, when the file lands on his desk—he doesn't look too much like his twin as an adult, not that he would know that, having last seen the guy when they were 16—but something about Neil's photo is enough to get him curious.

Neil, of course, sees Wymack irl for the first time and freaks the FUCK out. Kevin being there Does Not Help, and Neil says a lot of shit that sends everyone's alarm bells ringing, just because he thinks he's already been caught. Except Kevin is as Kevin does and won't shut up about exy, and Andrew sticks out from the rest of this nightmare like a sore thumb, and eventually they manage to calm Neil down enough for him to realize that his father never had those tattoos. Or dressed like that, not even when he needed a shirt he didn't mind ruining.

Neil can just barely bring himself to look at the tattoos while he signs the contract. It's the only thing keeping him calm enough to stand in Wymack's presence. The offer to live in his house is refused so loudly it makes Neil jump at his own voice. Andrew thinks this is hilarious. Kevin is already exasperated.

But the itch at the back of Wymack's head is getting more persistent, more familiar, tracing back years tics and habits and what faint serene memories he has of childhood, doing the math and...oh shit is this my kid?

Well, according to the paternity test he discreetly sends out a few weeks after Neil arrives at Palmetto, yes.

[wilhelminyard]

part 3 of the foxes being brutally honest and insulting people to their faces because they are SAVAGES

NEIL :

"I figured he was an egocentric maniac who was so desperate for his own glory he refused to see the potential in anyone else"

"tell me you're not that stupid"

"I might have been a little more considerate if I'd known how stupid you are"

"you being an asshole at heart means I was right about your chances. you do understand by now that your cowardice is what's keeping you and andrew apart, right?"

"you're a spineless asshole. you let the world happen to you and don't bother to fight back. you let other people dictate how you can live your life and who you can spend your time with. remind me why you put up with your mother's abuse for so long. did you actually love her despite her madness, or were you just too afraid to walk away?"

"what do you think?" "I think fuck you"

"your false bravado helps no one" "neither does your cowardice"

"you already walked away from him once knowing what riko would do to him in your absence. don't do it again. if you don't protect him now, his death is on you"

"die free or die a failure. the choice is yours."

"I'd ask you how it feels but I guess you've always known what it's like to be second, you worthless piece of shit"

ANDREW :

"is your learning curve a horizontal line?"

"a privileged child like you has never seen the real world"

"I've had enough of your stupidity to last me a week"

"I'm volunteering my opinion" "don't. children should be seen and not heard"

"you're stupider than even I gave you credit for"

"you have a problem wherein you only invest your time and energy into worthless pursuits"

"you're a different kind of suicidal. didn't you figure that out in december? you're bait. you're the martyr no one asked for or wanted"

"I hope you two are miserable together"

WYMACK :

"anyone have ideas on how to make neil look a bit less like a battered wife?"

"I can't tell if you're being obtuse to fuck with me or if you're really that dumb."

"I need you to derail that one-track fucking mind of yours for two seconds"

"great. kevin's turning into another you. that's just what I needed."

"get washed up before your stench kills me"

KEVIN :

"we need you on the court but not if you're going to drag us down with you. in the shape you're in right now you'd be a complete waste of our time."

"even if you'd stepped it up when I told you to a year ago, you would have no chance of beating them. there is nothing at all you can do this late in the year. they are better than we are and they always will be"

"stop acting like a spoiled child"

"you've got a thing for controversial teams, I think, but I like this one much better than the last one" "they're mediocre at best but they're easier to get along with"

NICKY :

"do you get off on being such a debbie downer?"

AARON :

"it wasn't the drugs that made him crazy"

"I'm walking away and pretending I don't know you"

"I want to drink and pretend I don't know any of you"

MATT :

"good to see you're still fuck-all crazy"

"one of these days you have to let me hit kevin."

ALLISON :

"you are on messed-up child. you come by that naturally or did your parents do that to you?"

"seriously you guys? it's like you don't know us" "we try not to"

RENEE :

"I tried taking you off his hands at one point. andrew refused on the grounds he wouldn't wish you on anyone except a mortician"

[foxstens]

can't stop thinking about the au where riko kills kevin instead of breaking his hand

would riko have done it intentionally? would it make him finally start seeing the consequences of his actions? or would it do the opposite?

would he take his guilt anger and grief out on jean and the other ravens? or would he shut down? or would he keep going somehow because after all kevin was never his equal?

would he even survive tetsuji's wrath in the first place?

what about jean? would he somehow make it until graduation as he does in every other universe? or would grief consume his already bleak existence? maybe he'd allow himself one moment to be truly furious with his parents, with riko, with the situation before he ends things

what about thea? at that point i don't know how long it would've been since she graduated. but even if they didn't have a lot of time together, even if she already started building a life outside the nest, she would not be unaffected

what about neil? without kevin the chances of wymack wanting to recruit him would be very slim, and the chances of him accepting would be almost non-existent

but he's already barely holding on by a thread in millport so maybe kevin's death would be his breaking point. maybe he'd give up playing before wymack even saw his tape because he no longer feels alive on the court

what about andrew? he probably wouldn't really care but i think he would always remember kevin's words in that dingy locker room. he'd also probably never repair his relationship with aaron and without neil and kevin around to inspire him to keep going every day, he'd have a very boring life after graduation

what about wymack? he loved kayleigh and losing kevin too would be devastating precisely because he never got to truly know kevin. i can't decide what's worse, if he never finds out that kevin is his son or if he finds out too late (never mind how he would feel if he found out the truth about evermore)

what about the foxes? presumably janie would live and seth would get to graduate, but the current generation of foxes would never grow as close and they probably wouldn't win championships either

what about jeremy? we see he considers kevin a dear friend and if fan theories that he lost a sibling are correct, he would not get over it easily

[falafels]

i am thinking once more about how Wymack is from Baltimore. and Nathan Wesninski presumably has been in Baltimore for a decent portion of his life to get the city in his Official Murderer Title. The EC (if i remember right) says Wymack left home at 14 and eventually dropped out of high school (later got his GED to go to college), but he was probably not doing great all things considered: violent household, parental neglect, homelessness TLDR schoolwork not really a priority or maybe he just told someone to fuck off. and Nathan is an asshole who knows when that started.

ANYWAY all this to say I think they were in the same after school detention. maybe even just once. and Wymack doesn’t really remember, maybe it comes back to him in Neil’s third year, when Nathan’s posthumous trial is public and Wymack sees a photo in the papers with a cruel smirk and a forehead scar that looks so familiar. He tells himself it must just be resemblance to Neil, but the memory does come back.

The boy at the desk by the window, twirling his pen with the absentminded smugness of somebody who knows they’re the smartest in the room. The boy who had watched intently as Wymack had pulled the his too-small scruffy hoodie over his face, not quite enough to hide the black eye he was sporting. The boy who has offered him gum once, seemed to recognise the two of them as the same in some sort of way, maybe the violence, maybe the detention. Maybe he’d just been entertained by Wymack’s squirrelly nerves and jumpy disposition.

And I don’t think Wymack would ever mention this to Neil. He doesn’t like to talk about Baltimore, neither of them do. But just to check, double check, he digs out an old yearbook and there’s the photo he was looking for. in the back, with miscellaneous candids of the school’s nobodies, the dropouts, assorted photos. black and white print, a few others in the background, one tall and scrawny boy startled, scruffy, and clearly uncomfortable, sat near a boy with wavy hair, a cutting smirk and air of relaxed confidence, twirling that pen in his left hand.

Wymack closes the book, pours himself a stiff drink (changes his mind and slugs down half the bottle), and never opens it again.

[ryah-wolfe]

I’ve read the first Percy Jackson book for the first time and this crossover came to mind. I only know PJ universe through a quick and vague wiki search, so sorry if this is inaccurate.

The Foxhole Court x Percy Jackson and The Olympians

The message came in a sealed scroll, all formal and shit, asking for aid. Wymack wanted to burn the damned thing. But he knew a war between the immortals meant his foxes -his kids- would be dragged in anyways. Chiron asked for peace talks, wanting a reconciliation between the main camp and its runoff.

Most modern demigods are born for the modern aspects of their Godly parent, some kids though, are born from war for war. Their godly blood boiling in their bodies. Making them volatile, and perfect when in ancient times, there was always enemy forces that need slaying but in these times of peace? It made them more likely to lash out at those around them. Most burn up before hitting their teens, their blood consuming them. The few who make it to Camp Half-blood end up being sent away, being too dangerous to be around the other campers.

Chiron asked to send an envoy to Palmetto Academy.

Dan- daughter of Nike

Matt- son of Dionysius

Allison- daughter of Athena

Seth- son of Ares

Renee- daughter of Iris (edit: I can’t believe I forgot her)

Nicky- son of Aphrodite

Aaron- son of Apollo

Andrew- son of Apollo

Kevin- Won’t Say

Neil- unclaimed (favorited by Hermes)

[otdiaftg]

The Foxhole Court - Chapter Eight

Day: Saturday, June 17th (*Saturday, June 15th in TFC) Time: 5:05 PM EST

He hoped Wymack couldn't speak German and switched languages to lay into Andrew. "What the hell is your problem? How can you threaten Nicky for coming onto me but condone drugging me out of my mind against my will? Why can't you just leave me alone?" That wiped the irritation off Andrew's face. It was forever before Andrew answered in German. "That's unexpected. Did no one tell you I hate surprises?"

Neil swallowed hard, trying to clear the tightness from his throat, and forced himself to explain.

Andrew said nothing for so long Neil thought he'd blown it, but finally Andrew moved. Wymack shifted his weight, ready to intervene if things turned violent, but Andrew only came to stand right in front of Neil. "Then why did you come here?" Andrew asked. "Because I'm tired," Neil said, trying to sound defeated. It didn't take much effort. "I have nowhere else to go, and I'm too jealous of Kevin to stay away from him. He knows what it's like to hate every day of his life, to wake up afraid every day, but he's got you at his back telling him everything's going to be okay. He has everything, even when he's lost everything, and I'm—" Neil didn't want to say it, but the word was already there, broken and pathetic between them, "—nothing. I'll always have and be nothing." Andrew reached up and forcibly uncurled Neil's fingers from his mouth. He pushed Neil's hand out of the way and stared Neil down with nothing between them. Neil didn't understand the look on his face. There was no censure over Neil's crooked parents or pity for their deaths, no triumph over having backed Neil into admitting so much, and no obvious skepticism for such an outlandish story. Whatever this look was, it was dark and intense enough to swallow Neil whole. "Let me stay," Neil said quietly. "I'm not ready to give this up yet." That strange look left Andrew's eyes. His expression cleared to stony indifference and he let go of Neil. "Keep it if you can. You and I both know it won't last long."

Art used with permission by Jordanshenessy. Thank you so much @jordanshenessy !

*In The Foxhole Court, Nora wrote the date as Saturday, June 15th which would be inaccurate to the dates stated, both previously and later on in the story. I have changed it after researching which date would be more accurate to the story and current time frame.*

[madelinesapling]

The foxes as random things I’ve overheard pt 2

Neil: I cry because my dad isn’t dead

Andrew: I guess if you have a soul it could be

Kevin: Are your parents very attached to you?

Aaron: “It’s sad that half of the US doesn’t believe in global warming” I don’t believe in half of the US

Nicky: Here I got it I’m skinny and limp

Allison: I could walk in here naked that’s a look

Renee: Penises scare me

Dan: He’s volunteering by force

Matt: I think you would look better without the face hairs

Wymack: Are you guys working or are you working hard? Never mind.

[ifitmeanslosingyouthenno]

parent neil au

tw for rape/non con, violence, physical and sexual abuse, referenced character death (mary), blood, slight transphobia, childbirth, angst ig

none of it is graphic though, like this is just a rough idea of something I'd love to write but dont have time to, so i might as well write this down and who knows maybe someone likes it as unpolished as it is lol

with trans neil, where it goes roughly the same timeline as precanon, with mary dying roughly a year before neil is scouted by wymack

but this time, millport isn't as kind, bc neil isn't traumatized enough for me lol

instead, neil, afab who begins presenting as a guy after mary dies, thinks he's safe in millport until he gets hurt during a game and has to visit the school nurse to get his knee checked out

as it turns out the school nurse is nothing but a predator pos who takes what he wants from young teenagers whom he takes consent away from by drugging them

neil is one of those unfortunate kids

but he's neil, so he just pretends that he wasn't raped, pretends that he doesn't feel humiliated and violated, pretends that it didn't hurt, pretends that the panic didn't happen, pretends that it isn’t a big deal and pretends that he doesn't care that the nurse knows he's trans either and simply avoids the man at all costs

(bc that might have happened, but millport is safe, he has access to education and exy, and he mostly has a warm bed place to stay most nights, and a place to shower every day, and fucking hell he has hernandez, who has no idea of what kind of shit neil is in but he's there to support him and it means more to neil than he wants to admit it does)

so he pretends nothing is wrong, bc nothing is wrong

he doesn't face that damned nurse again for the rest of the school year

he gets scouted by the foxes

as much as his future seems short, it doesn't seem horrible

up to the day of his graduation, he gets too comfortable, too soft, too hopeful

he doesn't notice the nurse following him to the house he's squatting in for him to stay one last night

mary would beat him, when she found out his son got raped again, in a dark and dirty alley bc he didn't take notice of his surroundings enough to realize he was being followed

he gets raped and he gets told its a parting gift and he despises him and he despises men and he despises everything

(most of all he despises himself, for not paying attention, for not being able to fight back before he's drugged, for not being able to fight back being drugged)

he's left alone in the dark and the dirt and as soon as he can move he goes to the place he called home, packs his duffel and stays the night in a motel

(more bc so he can shower is a motel, he can wash away the blood and the evidence that anything happened, bc for him to survive and move on he has to pretend nothing happened, and if he loses track of time while hes showering well there's no one left to care for him.

and if he thinks just for a moment that filling up the tub and lying underwater for too long would just be easier, well there's no one who has to know.

and if he doesn't get a second of sleep that night either well... no one has to know)

he packs it up in a box and he shoves it as far as he can inside his mind and makes himself forget that nothing every happened

even if he has nightmares about hands and unwanted touches and pain

even if he can't stand living in the same appartment as wymack and he can't fucking sleep bc he doesn't feel safe

even if he can't fucking trust abby without fearing for the worst

even if this time being drugged at edens is a million times worse, and he panics so bad he passes out before he has time to find someone to knock him out, bc he's been drugges twice, and both times the pain and humiliation were worse than death and he can't bear to go through it again, and being kissed by nicky just makes everything worse so much fucking worse and he panics and he has no idea of what he says, but somehow andrew understands

(maybe smth like, "please not again, please dont hurt me, I'll do whatever you want just dont f- don't do it, please dont")

the rest of the story goes pretty much the same,

with the twist that neil is pregnant, he just doesn't know that

some people have what is called a cryptic pregnancy, in which mostly bc the uterus is tipped backwards, they dont develop much of a baby bump in the entirety of the pregnancy, and some people may or may not present pregnancy symptoms, or they may have spotting that lets them believe they still get their period, and yeah they never really find out they're pregnant right until very late in the pregnancy or until childbirth

well... the opportunities here are endless lmao

just imagine a pregnant neil, with his body going through a pregnancy he doesn't know or want, and even though he can feel his body feels odd sometimes, the thought never really crosses his fucking mind

tbf it's a miracle the fetus makes it with how crazy and moving and stressful neil's life goes, and lets not even talk about the violence of exy

drake still happens, with the difference that this time neil is hit a bit harder, bc he can remember, faintly through the haze of being drugged, what that pain is like, and maybe he drops a hint andrews way about that that has andrews eyes sharpening bc he had his suspicions since edens

but he still leaves for easthaven

and when the time comes, neil still goes to the nest

but this time, he doesn't stay the two weeks (three weeks in raven days) he was supposed to, bc theres such a thing called trauma induced labor

neil has no idea of what the fuck is going on, all he knows is that during that first week, he's in so much pain from riko and tetsujis abuse already, that he doesn't even feel the cramps at first

he's woken up in the middle of the night bc of how intense the pain is, and he's horrified to find he's bleeding a lot more than he's used to

jean wakes up bc of the sound of pain he lets out, and he's equally if not more horrified than neil bc he has no fucking idea of what to do and neil seems to be in tremendous pain and bleeding that fucking much cannot be normal

so against all fucking judgement, despite the fucking punishment he's going to get afterwards, he gets riko immediately

riko is so fucking lost about what to do with neil that he sends jean to drop him off at some hospital, bc he might have been torturing him but if neil fucking dies in that place its going to be more trouble than he's worth with both legal authorities and the main family as well

so jean does that, neil is terrified, dazed, in so much fucking pain and he has lost so much blood already and he has no idea of what the fuck is going on and despite hating it he just holds on to jean as he opens the door to the closest emergency room, being rushed by nurses to lie down on a stretcher

its mortifying to be called a girl, and if jean wasn't there with him, he probably would be called a girl for the entirety of his visit

it's mortifying to get checked out by a gynecologist and to have his entire situation questioned and all he can do is fight the dizziness and the nausea and the pain to stay awake bc he's so fucking scared and so fucking confused

("i just found him in the street, i dont know him, he just seemed in a terrible condition and i had to bring him," jean lies, horribly might i add)

they dont even need to bring out an ultrasound machine for the gyno to realize that neil is pregnant, and what the fuck does she mean, no neil cant be fucking pregnant, he doesn't- he hasn't-

he tells them he can't be pregnant, he's not attracted to people that way, he hasn't had-

and it all comes crashing around him, and to his anger he starts fucking crying, out of grief and pain and shame and fear

the truth of what happened all those months ago pours out of him in words he cant remember and he doesn't even feel ashamed that jean is still there, still hearing him, he doesn't have time to

bc the doctors are telling him that due to the signs of physical trauma, his body is inducing an early labor (they tell him he should only be on his seventh month, they tell him premature births are a risk, they tell him trauma births are a risk, they tell him he's bleeding too much and that he could have a placental disruption and thats a fucking risk, but there’s nothing for him to do but live through the pain)

and he's in so much pain, different than anything he's ever been through, and he's being told to push, and he feels so weak, so faint he doesn't know if he can do it

but at some point he hears a baby crying, and through exhausted eyes he just sees that tiny, too tiny human in the doctor's hands and he's just filled with the need to hold them, to have them in his arms

"congratulations sir, you had a beautiful baby daughter"

and all he can do is fucking cry, bc he cant hold that baby, his baby, bc she's premature, and they need to make sure she's okay, and they need to keep her under observation for a little longer, same as him bc he lost a lot of blood and he has so many injuries anyway, but he cant think about himself

all he can think about now is that small baby, alive, alive, alive, somehow, alive and his and okay and- and he needs to think of a fucking name

by the time they give him a room, and have him hooked up on antibiotics and painkillers and a fucking blood transfusion, jeans says his goodbye

he hesitates by the door, and he turns to neil and says, "i wont tell him you gave birth"

hes too tired and the meds are making him drowsy, but he's still afraid, "what are you going to tell him then?"

"that you had to be taken to surgery for internal damage, that you wont rejoining us"

neil knows jean can face punishment for lying, he knows jean knows that too

"why would you lie for me"

"i cant presume to know what the pain of pregnancy or childbirth is like, but i know what having men taking whats not theirs to take is like, you've had enough taken away from you, i wont let them take this too"

neil is speechless for a moment, processing, understanding, and by the time he speaks its just a whisper, "thank you"

jean turns to leave, and neil speaks up as much as he can, "jean, I'll find a way to get you out, i promise"

"dont promise things you can't achieve, wesninski"

neil is too tired to wince at the obvious jab, "I don't promise things i won't do"

jean looks at him with something too close to hope for a moment, before scoffing and leaving

before he passes out, neil calls a nurse, and asks him if he call someone for him, bc he cant reach his bag thrown in a chair too far from the hospital bed

(it all goes down from there, neil with a newborn for the next couple of months, wymack losing his absolute fucking mind bc he never expected one of his own damn foxes to have a child, much less neil out of everyone, and abby is losing her mind bc she can't believe she let neil play all those months while pregnant and the foxss are losing their minds but bc they can't believe they have a baby and they're genuinely happy for her little existence

and the baby turns out to be incredibly healthy for a premature baby, and for a traumatic birth, even if shes on the small side

i cant think of a name, bc all my brain comes up with is anna and josephine after reading too many stories, but hope could also work

and things change from here on

neils recovery period is obviamente longer than in canon, he stays with abby for the first month, more for the babys sake than his, and he gets incredibly close to abby in that time (i believe in abby as neil's mother figure supremacy)

things with andrew go slower in this timeline, bc neil is recovering partly, but also bc neil has more feelings to work through and different priorities what with a newborn fucking baby, but they still start something, maybe its softer, maybe its slower, but its something

and things seem to be going well, neil is going well, he starts playing lightly again (after telling the press he had a car accident during the break in which he had internal injuries that needed more time to heal), the baby is growing steadily, healthy and cute as hell, and the foxes are thriving despite having to accommodate to a lack of neil and having neil playing shorter periods of time

at least until baltimore happens)

[palmettoshitposts]

seth (finally) gets what he deserves (seth lives kefu style)

for all that seth claimed he wanted to leave palmetto, he found leaving really hard. he may or may not have ended up drunk on wymack’s couch one time. he’s down the road in columbia as a trainee social worker; he feels so out of his depth, it’s harder than he thought to see these kids in the worst situations imaginable and parents who just refuse to fucking learn.

he’s started confronting the fact he grew up around a shit tonne of prejudice and that he’s been a dick to people who have stood beside him. he knows he’s made progress when allison - who’s become a bizarre sort of friend - reveals she’s dating renee, a trans woman, and he doesn’t feel the disgust he used to. he’s genuinely happy for her and happy she’s moved on from the unhealthy shit they had together. it probably hurt both of them more in the long run than any kind of enjoyment that had at the time would let them believe. again, he’s maturing.

he ends up with a lot of lgbt kids on his caseload and begins to really hate himself for being just like people who’ve hurt these kids. parents and siblings who acted like he did that have hurt them, made them runaway or even hurt themselves. his mentor, carmen, is a very brusque older black woman who tells him it’s in the past. he needs to leave it behind and recognise the fact he doesn’t do it now and actively hates it as progress. matt comes down every couple of weeks and they work out together. seth rants about all of this. he’s so fucking angry and matt’s just smiling. when the rant is over, matt just says he’s proud of seth. seth tells him to fuck off.

there’s one particular case that seth cant get his mind off of. he knows he should do what carmen says and just leave the cases at the desk but seth just cant. dante is twelve year old who is so fucking angry at the world because of how its treated him and everything he’s seen. every placement seth finds for dante lasts no longer than 3 weeks and time and time again they end up at the office, dante with his singular bag in tow and pissed off expression firmly on his face. one night, they cant place him at all and seth resigns himself to a night in the office with this now thirteen year old.

“god, you little asshole. maybe i’d be able to sleep if it wasnt for you,” seth sighs at one point, entirely exhausted. dante just genuinely laughs for the first time since seth has known him.

dante eventually just refuses to speak to anyone other than seth. the next morning, he’s refusing the singular placement the entire team have been able to find. seth’s like fuck it, and becomes his temporary foster parent. dante lives with seth for two weeks, and seth has no clue how to be a parent, but dante doesn’t care. he has a bed and a door that locks (andrew hands seth a lock that weekend in columbia - something thats become a tradition for all of the foxes from the canon year to attend. he just goes ‘for the kid. trust me.’ and seth does it without question. he and dante work together to screw it to the inside of his bedroom door), food and clothes. some dude that will play video games with him and call him a loser and buy his favourite foods and doesn’t expect him to be polite or ‘normal’. he promises seth he’ll try at his next home. it sort of breaks seth’s heart because he’s fairly certain the issue is the foster parents, not this damaged kid who reminds him of a fox in almost every way.

it lasts six months before dante runs away. he shows up at seth’s house with a black eye and a duffel bag, and a nonchalant attitude that is entirely fake. he begrudgingly tells seth the foster father found out he’s gay and ‘didn’t like it’. seth wants to kill him. dante is 13 and a grown man has raised his hand to him because what? he likes boys? fuck that. when dante is in bed that night, seth gets the closest to relapsing he’s been in years. he didn’t know dante was gay and it doesn’t fucking matter at all. he’s so fucking angry at the world and at his past self. there isn’t an ounce of disgust directed towards dante but seth is too fucking mad to see that for the progress it is. after a text to matt, he passed out on the sofa, exhausted from sheer anger. matt arrives then next morning to help them both out for a couple of days and seth realises he has a fucking family.

seth is still fuming the next morning and isn’t going to hide it. he makes it very clear it’s not directed at dante, though. dante is touched at how angry seth is about this. because it’s on his behalf, and in his defence. and the fact that seth allows him to see that anger, and that this isn’t okay. dante hasn’t had that before.

after that point, seth becomes dante’s long term foster parent. he sits dante down and offers to have him live with him until he ages out of the system. the ball is entirely in dante’s court. dante thinks seth is mad if he thinks theres anyway he’d pass up on that offer. seth is the best thing that’s ever happened to him and he tells him as much. it’s the first time in as long as seth can remember that he cries in front of someone else. dante is stunned and in awe of the sheer vulnerability of this scary looking asshole. dante is so fucking glad he doesn’t have to leave.

lilly devi is a bad ass family lawyer who’s been on the edge of seth’s social circle for years. a proud south asian trans woman with deep purple hair, a range of facial and body piercings and cochlear implants she takes off as soon as possible - shes about as unlikely a lawyer as seth is a social worker. shes close with renee and allison and comes to seth when a bunch of allegations about a foster parent appear on her desk. it turns out dante was just one in a line of kids abused by the same man. seth spends that night at the gym with matt, furiously working out until he can no longer think about how broken the system is.

lilly seems to keep her cool while dealing with the case. seth cant understand it - he’s still so fucking angry (something matt and dan seem to find weirdly endearing when they had dinner together?) - but he can appreciate her hard work. with minimal disruption to dante’s new, calm life, lilly navigates a successful motion to remove the bastards fostering licence and hands over the evidence she’s collected to the criminal courts. it’s out of their hands now but it’s been so swift and successful that seth is slightly in awe of this woman.

lilly swings by his office that night with a wicked grin. seth has privately thought shes stunning for a long time but hasn’t acknowledged it properly. it wouldn’t have been appropriate. besides, she knows about his shitty past attitudes.

but lilly surprised him.

“ren’s swinging by to see dante if you fancy a drink,” she says.

“to celebrate the case?” seth clarifies, a bit dumbfounded.

“as more, if you fancy. ball’s in your court,” she said, that grin still in place.

(for the record, dante has always thought lilly was a fucking badass and was thrilled when he found out they were dating)

(seth begins learning sign almost immediately. the first time he tells her he loves her, it’s in asl. it’s not lilly’s first language because of a shitty family who refused to learn for her but it is her preferred one. lilly gets down on one knee then and there, proposing with a random ring off her own finger. seth cherishes it forever)

[cough-ii]

aftg as quote book pt 4 !!

“its just a silly little twerk of mine” - nicky

“i wouldn’t mind being called woke. im awake arent i?” neil/wymack

“enter hot take on kevin” *drops the mic, takes a bow* - neil

“Just a reminder we are HALF WAY THERE and we are LIVING ON A PRAYER” - renee @ games

“Led by you hoe” - Alison

“i physically cannot play with my balls in my bedroom” - neil?

“Fuckin this, fuck that fuck fuck fuck” - wymack

“Porn is a genre” - nicky

“Reading porn is better than not reading at all” - nicky

“We are all bussin” - nicky

“Don’t shoot the prime minister…please” - everyone @ andrew

“He gave himself a DIY circumcision” - be creative

“I live under a rock. It;s very warm” - neil

“The only way youre getting out of maths this year is if you kill yourself” - neil

“Don’t kill yourself” - wymack

“Tomorrow we’re going to learn how to be better bullies :)” - dan

“I have nothing important to say ever” - aaron

“I am wrong in the head” - kevin

“Some people say lots of things to get off” - nicky

“It was such a delicious luxury to have a warm drink” - matt

‘I got my pussy waxed’ - alison

‘i feel so much better without my pants’ - matt

“neil you’re flirting” - dan “oops…” neil

“Impact on the victim… DEATH” - andrew

“Stop doing magic in class please” someone to andrew

“‘You look good enough to eat,’ Andrew Minyard had said, the first time he came to pick him (Neil) up. When they got home again he did begin to eat him”

“Hey hoe 💅” alison

“That is tighter than a fishes ass hole” - matt

“Are you ok you look like a drenched rat” - dan

“If I get your name wrong, blame your parents” -wymack

“I was on drugs I didn’t know what I was doing” andrew

“I have thousands of dollars to my name” neil

“why did you threaten me?” kevin “because i wanted to” neil

“Dragons have pronouns too” renee

“i very much enjoy getting renee wet” - Alison, dunking water on renee

“andrew is a crack up” - nicky probably almost got shanked for this

“talk dirty to me” andrew “What if I tied up all your hands and legs and then threw you down the stairs and you died, but we were friends who liked practical jokes, would that be murder?” neil

‘Who was humping the statue?’ - dan

“Little red riding hood in bed with the wolf” - Alison

“His eyes are penetrating you” kevin @ neil unironically

“There are a number of ways you can skin a cat” andrew when one of the cats piss on the bed

‘Just shake ur ass and no one will notice’ nicky

“Why is it always mother fucker this, mother fucker that? Why is it never father fucker” neil

“I’m very private with my fists” dan

“I had some guy in my car and he said ‘i want to commit suicide’ and i said ‘no, not in my car get out’” - twinyards

“Girls, you’re semi-hysterical” wymack

“I touched your boob im sorry” matt @ dan

“Not just jumping off the religious sculpture, they were humping the religious sculpture” - renee, traumatised

‘DANCE you idiot, D-A-N-S…’ - kevin

‘We’ll talk about the sex party another time’ dan

‘I have a gin and tonic every night, it keeps me young’ wymack

“I was in a rage and i broke his nose” neil ab kevin

“Some people need to be chemically castrated” andrew

“Don’t chew gum in front of Jesus” renee

“I’m hearing plenty of smashing noises over here” allison in the cabin

“Oh why don’t you crawl back into your hole” andrew @ neil

“Legalise recreational use of cannibalism” aaron in a presentation

“CMERE YOU LITTLE BOLLOCKS!” wymack

“Stabbing them 3 or 4 times is plenty” andrew

“My brother got dropped on his head” andrew

‘Comparing sizes’ nicky

‘Ive been stalking you all’ kevin

“Shit, Shit, SHIT, Oh my god, SHIT. That’s fucked” nicky

“She called him gay so i threw the chair at her” neil

“I’m gonna die” aaron “Don’t care.” neil

“Get help please” dan

“Young people’s music today, I just don’t get it” abby

“We all have the homosexual gene” andrew

“I’m not going to get you to go around class and looking if people have homosexual characteristics” andrew maybe

‘i saw this really big tombstone and i asked ‘is that where jesus was buried?’’ andrew @ renee

‘What if I worked 55 hours a day?’ matt?

“now that i’m your legal guardian i guess i should look after you” dan a/o matt @ neil

“lesbians are people too” neil

“Charisma test? caress my balls” nicky

“Do you want to do a quickie to de-stress” andrew

“If you are interested in any horizontal refreshment” andrew

“Spit on your hand and stroke my cock at a medium pace, play with my balls and tell me how big they are” (…….. i have second hand embarrassment) - allison

“Do you think Jesus had daddy issues?” alison

“We all get stressed sometimes but cursing is not fucking ok” dan

“I'm working, im twerking and im jerking” nicky

‘It’s a good kisser it’s so smooth and soft and warm’ neil ab his homework

[dayurno]

while this is not necessarily an entirely bad take (and no offense to you op!), i do think there’s a bit of a misunderstanding going on regarding kevin’s intentions here

1. kevin using french in front of riko was explicitly described as a panicked impulse. it wasn’t premeditated or a conscious effort to fuck jean over; even because jean himself says “Kevin had damned them both.” why would kevin have done this on purpose, with a clear mind, if he was also going against riko’s rules? you can say it was because jean’s punishment would be more severe than his, but that implies a level of callousness towards jean from kevin’s part that doesn’t exist, and furthermore he knew riko would punish him too. the french was at both their expenses. it’s one thing to interpret kevin as selfish, but at least believe that he’s not dumb enough to implicate himself

2. kevin very famously tells neil to run! he says it in-text! he tells neil to leave because “at least you’d have a chance”! saying he let neil stay because he wanted to win is a blatant misunderstanding of that scene, because the reason kevin “lets” neil stay is because neil wanted to, and kevin had no way to stop him. the only way kevin could have forced neil to run would have been to share neil’s secrets with the foxes, which would have been unforgivable to neil. kevin wanted neil to live more than he wanted to win. blaming him for neil’s choices makes no sense

3. kevin never had to tell wymack a single thing, but he did it (and announced the very complicated and painful matter to the public) because it would help stir attention away from neil. this is by far the most uncharitable interpretation of the situation i’ve seen: kevin, who depended on coach wymack’s goodwill to not be tossed back to the ravens, obviously did not want to share something that could have made coach wymack kick him out. you and i know wymack wouldn’t have done it, but kevin had no evidence it wouldn’t happen. i don’t know about you, but i find that the grown man who lived a fairly comfortable life up until this point shouldn’t have his feelings worried about more than the child who grew up captive in a cult without any family at all. coach wymack can deal with his guilt and his betrayal towards kayleigh later; kevin lived his entire life in that place! it is not the child’s responsibility to fix the relationship with the parent!!!!

the only thing that holds water is that kevin left jean in the nest, which kevin acknowledges on his first appearance in tsc and apologizes for. it was selfish and it was horrible but it was his only option, and he spends the rest of the book trying to help accommodate jean into a better life. kevin has many flaws; he’s volatile and headstrong and narcissistic and insensitive and yes, selfish at times, but he’s not a master manipulator. he’s a traumatized and abused child just like jean is

Kevin and Jean’s love for each other is just SO. Kevin’s postcards and magnets to Jean; his learning French for him; the promise he made Jean make to him; his sending him to his favorite team, the team he knew was the kindest.

His inability to express it is also so heartbreaking to me. Like Jean said himself that they just couldn’t talk but he also said that “the best Kevin could manage was bottomless guilt.” And Jean saying that he once would’ve done anything for Kevin and, even worse, that Kevin knew just that and that’s how he managed to escape Evermore.

Kevin at his core is a selfish person. He used French at Jean’s expense to try and get Riko to stop hitting him, he left Evermore without Jean, he let Neil keep playing for the Foxes despite knowing that it could cost him his life because he wanted to win, he didn’t tell Wymack he was his father until he absolutely had to.

Jean at his core is a giving person, conditioned to not know when to stop. He takes whatever happens to him and is convinced he deserves it, no matter what. He does what people tell him to do. He protects Riko even when he’s dead. He still loves the Ravens. He saved Zane’s life, Zane who betrayed him so thoroughly and deeply, without a moment’s hesitation or even thought. At age 14 and probably for years before, he protected and parented Elodie. He would do anything for Neil. He would STILL do anything for Kevin.

[liveyourlastbreath]

Neil Josten’s adventures in Exy as an (unwilling) Amputee (PT4)

Welcome to book two things are only getting worse from here. Also sorry about this taking so long, I'm not gonna pull an a03 level excuse, this series is just hard to write as I have to write it as I read the book and ya girl has bad adhd

Sunday morning, Neil wakes up to pain shooting up his missing leg. A strange sensation of throbbing and burning racing around in bones that had long since rotten down to dust

Seth’s death is a blissful distraction, something Neil clings onto to push the pain down

Wymack tries to get the team together that afternoon, which ends in a flat out brawl between Matt and Andrew

Neil knows better than to stand against Andrew, but when the blonde's knives are out and aimed at Matt's eyes he steps in, hands out to the both of them but not touching

"Neil, Neil, Neil," Andrew grind. "Surely you're not this dumb?" It hurt to stand but the idea of loosing Matt at the start of the season was enough to keep him steady.

"Andrew." He wasn't ordering him around, threatening him, Neil was simply asking him to stop. And Andrew listened.

By Wednesday the pains had subsided and he was able to deal with the upperclassmens confused glances with a clear mind

"Last I checked Andrew doesn't like you.""He doesnt." And Nicky butts in, "we needed someone to match Kevin don't worry about it" and then gets told off by coach

Pratice starts happening and then when Wymack gets the phone call the conversation is as follows: "Andrew Joseph Minyard, what the flying fuck have you done this time?" "It wasn't me it was the one legged striker!"

Blatent Harrasment, actually just bullying

Life goes on as normal, honestly the beginning of the Raven King is a bunch of exposition we already know

Allison shows up for the game Friday, the line gets switched up, and Neil highly doubts it’s gonna end well. Especially with Andrew going a full game without his meds.

Also in case you’re wondering, Neil brings both legs to his games. He always has his black slip on so changing the bottom half of his gear out is pretty easy. If he ever has to change the slip, he’ll do that in the stall. He doesn’t ever play on his day leg, the blade runner is a lot more comfortable and is better to run with on the court.

When Neil asks Kevin for advice against the Terrapins, Kevin’s response is. “I want you dead on your foot by the time the buzzer rings.” Just little changes like that happen a lot because everyone in this story is in fact a dickwipe

Herrera, Neil’s mark for that game, keeps making comments about him and his leg. At one point Herrera “accidently” slams his racket into Neil’s leg and it sends vibrations all the way up his stump. Then Neil is given permission to destroy him and does just that.

Ya know that cool move he does and nearly gets killed in the process? Yeah imagine that, but he slips his blade runner in there at just the right angle to send Herrera flying into the wall. He doesn’t get carded. Instead lights the goal up red and a triumphant smile breaks across his face.

At half time Kevin is chewing Neil out, ya know, “Injuries are not joke-“ “Oh my god really? *looks down at his leg* woah crazy, would have never guessed that one.”

Once again the story goes on, Neil feels joy for the first time, gets a phone again and flashes back to the beach party gone horribly wrong, same as the cannon series

Also can we just stop and talk about the phone scene in the locker rooms? It has to be one of my favorites, not gonna lie. It's just so them ya know? Like just the dialogue, the subtle "do we need to" before diving into their game again. AGH I love it soso much

"your parents are dead, you are not fine, and nothing is going to be okay. This is not news to you. But from now until May you are still Neil Josten and I am still the man who said he would keep you alive."

The USC game happens, and THEN DUN DUN DUNNN the Fall Banquet is here!!what!!a!!fun!!time!!

It's at moments like these Neil is thankful for his missing leg. Riko last saw him with two functioning appendages, and on top of the hair dye, contacts, and time apart, he could almost find hope in the fact Riko wouldn't recognize him

As the teams are sat across from each other, get talking, and this conversation happens:

Andrew: I'm Andrew. We haven't met yet."

Jean: For that I am grateful. The Foxes as a whole are an embarrassment to Class I Exy, but your existence is unforgivable. A goalkeeper who doesn't care if he is scored on has no right to touch a racquet. You and Josten both should stay on the sidelines like the publicity stunts you are."

Renee: That's a bit out of line, don't you think?

Raven 1: If someone like that replaced you in goal, you must be downright terrible. I can't wait to watch one of your matches. I think it will be entertaining. We would make a drinking game of it but we don't want to die of alcohol posioning.

Dan: Yeah, that'd be a shame

Renee: This is the first time our teams have met, do we have to start off so poorly?

Raven 1: Why not? You're poor at everything else you do. Even down to picking players like the cripple over there. Is it honestly fun to be so terrible?

Renee: I imagine we have more fun than you do, yes."

Jean: Fun is for children-(has a moment of crisis upon looking at renee) A this level it is supposed to be about skill, and your team is sadly lacking. From an unstable goalkeeper to a lame striker with a bum leg to a couple members with deadly drug addictions. You have no right to play with us.

Allison: Fucking excuse me?

Matt: No one wants you here, you can leave any time.

Raven 2: You took something that does not belong to you. You brought this year's humiliation on yourselves.

Dan: We didn't take anything, Kevin wants to be here.

AND THEN, Riko: Is that why the cripple is so quiet? Or did his vocal chords go missing too? He was very spirited the last time we met, or maybe that was just a show for the crowd? Hello, I am speaking to you. Are you really going to ignore me? Hey, deadweight, over here.

THE HOLY MOTHER WYMACK OF ALL LINES Riko: What a coward, just like his mother.

INDEED THE GREATEST LINE IN ALL OF WRITTEN HISTORY (WITH A BIT MORE SASS ADDED)

You know, I get it. Being raised as a superstar must be really really difficult for you. Always a commodity, never a human being, nor a single person in your family thinking you're worth a damn off the court—yeah, sounds rough. Kevin and I talk about your intricate and endless daddy issues all the time. I know it's not entirely your fault that you are mentally unbalanced and infected with these delusions of grandeur, and I know you're physically incapable of holding a decent conversation with anyone like every other normal human being can, but I don't think any of us should have to put up with this much of your bullshit. Seriously, is 'cripple' the only insult you know? Maybe next time be a bit more creative, it really shows what little vocabulary you have. Try looking it up in a dictionary maybe, hm? Find it right between the words 'jackass' and 'dickwipe'. But don't feel bad, there are a lot of people who didn't pass the bar exam and they still get somewhere in like, all be it through charity alone. Pity only gets you so many concessions, and you used yours up about six insults ago. So please, please, just shut the fuck up and leave us alone.

aND THHEN our little tin foil ball of a sass master is outed as the Butcher's Son to Kevin, Kevin's face doing all kinds of complex emotions as he examines Neil

Also I love the little things like Neil staring only at Andrew because he doesn't trust himself to look at anyone else

Neil's freaking out, ready to grab his blade runner and book it. But he doesn't really regret most of what he's said, because here's the thing

Every single person up until this point has gone out of their way to call him a 'cripple', to write him off as someone who can't do anything anymore just because he's lost his leg

Nobody, except for the Foxes, believes he's anything more than an amputee. Up until this point he has been torn to shreds because of something he had absolutely no control over. Yeah, okay, it was stupid to put himself in the limelight as someone on the run, but it had nothing to do with being an amputee.

Neil Josten may be an idiot, but going off on Riko was completely justified, something many of the foxes later agree on. And if the Foxes start snapping at anyone, reporter or another team, who singles Neil out for his leg, that's something they just don't talk about

Neil Josten is so much more than a lost leg. Anyone really is more than a lost limb or physical limitations. That's the whole point of this AU and the message I really want to get across.

To the people reading this who may be in the same situation as Neil, you are so, so much more than your physical limitation. This AU is for you, someone who may have been bullied or targeted just because you're "not like everyone else". I see you, and I believe in you.

SORRY AHEM—I just wanted to ramble there for a second because I felt like that was something that needed to be said

So YEAH, Neil doesn't regret what he said, and goes forth after dinner is done, the Foxes have a team bonding moment over protecting the two exy-holics and their blonde bodyguard

Neil gets dragged away to go get screamed at by a little baby bird

Neil: My name is Neil

Riko: Do not lie to me again. You will not enjoy the consequences. Imagine my surprise when the results came back. Your fingerprints, Kathy gave me your glass as a souvenir. All it took was a smile and a kiss. It seems she is growing up to be quite the cougar. Nathanial, explain a few things to me. One, Jean says Kevin did not know who you are. After seeing Kevin's reaction I am inclined to believe him. Perhaps I can understand, as I know how blind Kevin can be when it comes to Exy. I might even forgive him for sheltering you from me. But you must know who you are, so I am very, very curious to know what you think you are doing.

Neil: I'm just trying to get by. If I'd known our families were business partners I wouldn't have signed the contract.

Riko: You're lying

Neil: I am not. I don't want to cause any trouble for your family. I don't want you to cause any trouble for mine. I'm just here for a year and then I'm gone, I promise.

Riko: You don't want to cause any trouble for my family? You have already cost my family a sizable fortune and eight years of trouble.

Neil: How? The money I took was my father's.

Riko: If you think acting stupid will save you, you are sadly mistaken.

Neil: I'm not acting, my mother said it was my father's money. She never even told me about you. If I had known the money was your's—

Riko: Nothing your father owned was his! I refuse to believe she never told you. All that time running and you never asked why?

Neil: Have you met my father? I didn't have to ask.

Riko: You were not running from your father, Nathaniel, you were running from his master. Which brings me to my second question, what happened to your leg?

Neil: Take a wild fucking guess

Riko: (beat) You do realize why don't you?

Neil: Because he's insane?

Riko: You're an even bigger fool than I thought. Running from the master and the money he took, there could have been one thing that paid them off. You, Nathaniel, and yet he chose to take your leg. Your father cost my family a fortune and cut off any way of paying it back.

Neil's head is spinning by the time Matt shows up. He barely remembers the rest of the night, his mind too consumed by Riko's words and the implications of who his father really was.

He takes his leg off on the bus, digging his knuckles into the knotted flesh of his father's work, thinking. He had always known his father was a monster, and this just really put it into perspective.

A text shakes Neil out of his half-asleep state, hand still digging into his knee. A single text is on the screen, from Andrew.

"Shocking, just how many issues such a small body can have."

Neil glares at the back of the bus. "Could say the same thing about you." And that's the end of it

PART ONE || PART TWO || PART THREE || PART FOUR || PART FIVE COMING SOON!

[fuzzballsheltiepants]

Hi,.....if you don't mind me asking, can I ask your top 5 (or top 3) favorite characters from AFTG series? And why do you love them? And your top 5 favorite moments from the novels? Sorry if you've answered this question before....Thanks....

ooh asking me to narrow things down, I love your bold choice! Thanks for the ask!

here goes, top 5 characters (I kind of hate that they're all men but oh well):

Andrew Minyard. I know he's an asshole; I know he's morally grey; I know he's violent at times. But he has an internal logic, an internal morality that does not match that of the world around him because his life has absolutely sucked. Though he rarely lets himself care, when he does, it's passionate and with his whole soul. He's a survivor, an endurer, probably neurodivergent, and that's something I can understand. He's also funny as hell, something I try to lean into when I write him!

Neil Josten. A survivor in a totally different way from Andrew. Where Andrew shuts down and endures what he must, Neil fights - often to his own detriment. He's so quick to pick up on things, he's so freaking smart in so many ways, he's complicated and messy in a way that is so real. I love the wry awareness in his voice because he knows when he's being a dumbass and yet he does it anyway. Plus, y'know, he was one of the first voices that resonated with my own when it came to attraction or lack thereof and made me go hm, perhaps I am ace-spec...

David Wymack. Look, the man's heart is far too big, he loves broadly and without judgement or fear. I know he's gruff, like the rest of the Foxes he can be kind of a dick, he's ableist at times at least in his language. But he believes in his little crew of fucked-up kids, he believes they deserve a chance not to prove they can be normal, but to prove that they deserve respect and love despite the fact that they're not.

Jean Moreau. We see so little of him, but he's just as much a survivor as Andrew and Neil. He's dramatic in a way that makes me suspect he's whistling in the dark - he's finding a way to be himself despite the abuse he endures. And while some of his taking care of Neil at the Nest was because he had to, there's reason to suspect that part of it was because he gets something out of caring for another. Maybe it reminds him that he's human.

Nicky Hemmick. He reminds me so much of queer kids I grew up with, people who leaned into and embraced stereotypes as soon as they were free of their abusive, homophobic parents because it was a way of asserting their identities. I know he seriously fucked up at Eden's, and he doesn't understand Andrew at all, but he suffered so much abuse, he went through so much, and he came through just wanting to help others who are also suffering. He gave up a good, happy life to take care of Aaron and Andrew, the former who he barely knew and the latter who he'd never met. He's a Fox through and through.

Top 5 moments in the books, in no particular order:

When Andrew came back for Neil when Neil called him during his panic attack, culminating in the kiss on the roof. Andrew's steadiness in that entire scene, the way he's just there for Neil while Neil is shutting down, and then the "I am not your answer, and you sure as fuck aren't mine" line... It shows how hard Andrew is working on his mental health and recovery, that he understands that as much Neil means to him he can't be everything because nobody can be everything for another person. But it also is when Andrew first makes it clear how much Neil means and just, oh, my heart.

Wymack picking up Neil from the airport and the entire scene afterward. Wymack being the one person Neil knew he could call, who he knew would pick him up and give him what he needed in that moment, after Neil was so afraid of him at the beginning. The fact that Neil looked totally different, and yet Wymack still instantly knew who he was. That Neil let himself fall asleep so deeply that he didn't wake up when being carried into the fucking apartment, because he knew he was safe. It's a huge breakthough and gets me in the heart every time.

The Baltimore reunion scene in the motel. Not sure I need to explain this one, but I think the line "I have to go, I don't trust them to give you back" sums it all up.

The shower scene. The intimacy they allow themselves there - not just physical, but emotional; the reconnection; Neil's desperation to know that Andrew still wants him, his need to just make Andrew look at him, his relief when Andrew opened up to him. Then the tenderness after, Andrew being careful when drying him around his injuries, and Andrew wearing his clothes, it's too much.

Nicky and Neil in the library. Nicky telling some of his story, us (and Neil) getting to understand more of what he went through and why that makes him so desperate for Neil not to think he's all on his own or to become too dependent on Exy. This is where we get the sense that Nicky understands at least the edges of Neil's mental health struggles, where he makes the connection between his own depression and suicidal tendencies and how letting other people in and finding people he could trust saved him. He sees Neil struggling and wants the same for him, and it always moves me. Then there's Neil immediately thinking of Andrew as being someone he can let in and trust and then going, no no, I can't (HA! you thought)

[carryonmily]

matilda was written for neil josten you can't change my mind

While listening to Harry's House, I realized that one of my favorite songs perfectly described one of my favorite characters. When something like this occasionally happens I lose my shit with happiness, and this time is not difficult because Matilda, by Harry Styles, perfectly encapsulates Neil in the beginning and throughout the book, and the bridge is the perfect transition to see how Neil is doing in the last book. So I decided (because it's not like I have a huge project for my history class) to analyze each line, verse, chorus and bridge of this wonderful song.

[Verse 1]

You were riding your bike to the sound of "It's No Big Deal”

And you're trying to lift off the ground on those old two wheels

Nothing 'bout the way that you were treated ever seemed especially alarming till now

So you tie up your hair and you smile like it's no big deal

This verse is showing how Neil, in the beginning of The Foxhole Court, acts like nothing is wrong and that he is, as we all know, fine. The second line can be interpreted as Neil being by himself and having to be his own “support system” or, simply how he had to get himself out of situations by himself. For the third line, it's pretty much self explanatory: Neil never experienced that unconditional love from neither of his biological parents. As for the last line it is really how Neil is in the start and for most of the trilogy, when he pretends that he is fine and doing perfectly okay.

[Chorus]

You can let it go

You can throw a party full of everyone you know

And not invite your family 'cause they never showed you love

You don't have to be sorry for leavin' and growin' up, mmm

Personally, after hearing the chorus I felt like Wymack is the one saying this to Neil. In The Raven King, when Neil says “Help me” and Wymack replies with “Let me”, it was so heartwarming but sad at the same time. Even though we didn't really see them have a deeper talk about what happened to Neil over break this chorus is very fitting of something Wymack would say because, not only does he know it would comfort Neil, but because it’s true and he knows Neil needs to hear it.

[Verse 2]

Matilda, you talk of the pain like it's all alright

But I know that you feel like a piece of you's dead insidе

You showed me a power that is strong еnough to bring sun to the darkest days

It's none of my business, but it's just been on my mind

When I first made the connection between the song and the books, I will admit that my andreil-fangirl self was adamant that Andrew is the one “singing it”, but with further inspection I strongly feel like Wymack is the one talking to Neil again.

We have those moments when Wymack knows something is wrong with Neil but when he confronts Neil, he is told that he will have an explanation of everything after finals. Wymak knows Neil is in pain but he talks about it “like it's all alright”, or fine. The second line goes back to when I said Wymack knows Neil isn’t fine and, just like the last line says, “It's none of my business, but it's just been on my mind”.

The fourth line in this verse is very related to the foxes. Before Neil the team was split into two groups, it was a “dark” time for the foxes. When Neil arrives, the line between the monsters and the rest of the team starts blurring and it gets to the point where they all can actually talk and even go on a vacation together. Let's say that Neil “brings the sun” to the foxes who were living in darkness.

[Chorus]

You can let it go

You can throw a party full of everyone you know

And not invite your family 'cause they never showed you love

You don't have to be sorry for leavin' and growin' up

You can see the world, following the seasons

Anywhere you go, you don't need a reason

'Cause they never showed you love

You don't have to be sorry for doin' it on your own

I already talked about the first four lines so i'll be focusing on the last four.

As we know Neil went to many cities and a few countries, he saw many cultures and seasons. There's not a lot to say other than the fact that the chorus in the song is very much about his past but, what I really like is the last line where “Harry points” out that Neil was on his own. Even when his mom was alive he was alone.

[Bridge]

You're just in time, make your tea and your toast

You framed all your posters and dyed your clothes, ooh

You don't have to go

You don't have to go home

Oh, there's a long way to go

I don't believe that time will change your mind

In other words, I know they won't hurt you anymore

As long as you can let them go

The first five lines of the bridge sound like an explanation of Neil packing and changing his life over time because he had to move far away from whatever place he was (a bunch of time). The last two lines hurt me so much because it feels like something Andrew would say to Neil when they go to the roof, “I know they won't hurt you anymore / As long as you can let them go”. Neil doesn’t have to worry anymore because he is safe now, and once he starts moving on - like when he legally changes his name to Neil Josten - he will be able to start the new life he desires so badly.

[Chorus]

You can let it go

You can throw a party full of everyone you know

You can start a family who will always show you love

You don't have to be sorry for doin' it on your own

You can let it go

You can throw a party full of everyone you know

You can start a family who will always show you love

You don't have to be sorry, no

This is the end of the song, and it matches up with the end of the last book, The King's Men. instead of “And not invite your family 'cause they never showed you love”, now the words are “You can start a family who will always show you love”. And that is exactly what Neil does. The foxes go from being simply his teammates from being his family, to being the people he loves unconditionally - and as we know, they also love Neil with everything they have. By the end of the book Neil loves his life and is finally, truly happy.