liveyourlastbreath

[liveyourlastbreath]

College grads andreil 🙂‍↕️

[liveyourlastbreath]

i don't know how to explain it but there's something very beautiful in Neil's "Andrew". i can literally hear his voice and it's soft. you get me right?

[liveyourlastbreath]

now and then i think back to the scene where neil first revealed his ability to speak french then calling kevin crippled and walked off with the biggest attitude. this guy knew he was going to get absolutely murdered by kevin day but he still slammed the door on him.

[liveyourlastbreath]

Thinking about Jean in the water. Maybe there's a day when he's no longer afraid. Or maybe that's wishful thinking

[liveyourlastbreath]

i’m finally finally reading the aftg extra content and

omg?? ive seen some people post about this before but reading it on my own is just another feeling like he was freaking out after neil got kidnapped and it hurts to read but also omg

[liveyourlastbreath]

this is so stupid but i had to make it

[liveyourlastbreath]

When you can’t get your exy raquet back because “it was used as a murder weapon.”

[liveyourlastbreath]

neil josten the character that you are. auburn hair and ice blue eyes and a serial killer's smile. the capacity for both extreme cruelty and immense kindness. an honest liar, a brave runaway. someone who is born of two violent, dangerous, immoral people and desperately, desperately doesn't want to be like them (but is a little bit anyway). harsh and brutal and rough around the edges and at the same time so devoted and genuine despite it all. spent his entire life outrunning his past, cutting people loose for his own survival, and was ready to die for the people he called family. never does anything half-hearted (except maybe college, but that's actually completely valid) but throws himself into it and literally puts his life on the line all for the game. bargains for jean's safety and makes an effort to keep him alive and well despite barely knowing him at all. signed his own death warrant by staying at the foxhole court because he wanted to see kevin break free of r*ko and make it to the top (where he belongs). neil josten, who could've been so much more violent and bitter and evil, but remained true and good and would've held onto his integrity and the people he loved till the day that he died. neil josten the character that you are.

[liveyourlastbreath]

This is the only thing I can think of whenever I read this scene

[liveyourlastbreath]

nora.

Nora.

NORA.

[liveyourlastbreath]

Jean Moreau with sand in his hair and a salt line around his calves from where he’s been in the sea. His skin is warmer—healthier—than it’s ever been and his lips are curved in a small smile. Jeremy smiles back.

[liveyourlastbreath]

"Grayson should have just walked away from Riko's tainted legacy and started over. He strung the noose himself when he came all the way here to put his hands on you, and I am not afraid to kick the stool out from under him"

NEIL FUCKING JOSTEN THE FUCKING MAN THAT YOU ARE

[liveyourlastbreath]

andreil rlly shines when ppl realize that andrew is the normal one in the relationship. this is also why aaron was being psychologically tortured by neil (unknowingly) during all 3 books

[liveyourlastbreath]

[liveyourlastbreath]

fun facts -- USC: . Had to dig up 2007 course catalogues to figure out where & when Jean's classes would be so I could map him out a proper schedule. Annoyed that Fertitta didn't exist back then because it's a gorgeous building. Also apparently the wheel throwing classes were very different then (one nighttime class vs daytime classes twice a week). Voted in favor of inaccuracy because it's more fun & afternoon practices would make it impossible to attend.

-- Campus sizes: . USC's main campus is 226 acres (.9 square km) . EAU's campus is 456 acres (1.8 km2) . PSU (based off of Clemson ofc) is 1400 acres (5.6km2). Granted that does include a botanical garden that is larger than USC's main campus lol

-- Numbers game . Ye, Renee & Jeremy for the 11/9 date . But also if you write Jean's birthday as 11/9 then he and Nathaniel are the same numerical sequence 1/19 . Bonus: Nov 9 end of the French revolution . TSC had 17 chapters, 12 Jean 5 Jeremy. Ended 108700 words give or take . TSC2 is 22 chapters, 12 Jean 10 Jeremy, and its current word count is about 139000. ((For reference, TKM was ~138600)) This is AFTER I tore out an entire subplot and set it aside for #3 I am going insane

ngl m'lovies, I am.. not feeling optimistic about December anymore. I've spent the last two-three weeks making backwards progress as RL continues to spiral, and I am messing so incessantly with it I have yet to hand it off to ANY of its readers

[liveyourlastbreath]

ITS STARTING!! COME SEE

Get ready for a night of spooks and thrills!

Presenting…a live reading of ‘What Goes Bump In The Night’! Featuring the first SIX CHAPTERS of my new novel, read aloud for your pleasure by me! Hellen. And also some of my friends will be tagging in too if needed :D

A two day event, OCT 8-9, starting both days at 7pm EST, we’ll do chapters 1-3 on Tuesday and finish with 4-6 on Wednesday!

Can’t make it? That’s okay! The vods will stay up on twitch so you can listen at your leisure!

If you’ve been curious about my new novel but haven’t felt like getting the ebook, this is the perfect chance to explore the world! Chapters 1-6 cover the first arc of the story and is a satisfying place to end for those still on the fence, but I promise it will leave you wanting more.

So tell your friends, maybe your cool cousin, or anyone that likes spooks and magic and bone rattling good time!

Hope to see you there!

What is WGBITN? (story summary)

Get the ebook here! Or here on Amazon!

Paperbacks available the 2nd week of October!

[liveyourlastbreath]

I am thinking about my own au and I’m ill

Neil Josten’s adventures in Exy as an (unwilling) Amputee

Okay so this is based on a drawing I did here

I may explore the idea of Andrew dealing with chronic pain later on, but right now I wanted to focus on the idea that at some point on the run, Nathan got too close and Neil lost his leg as a result. SO buhbuhbuh take it and run (Neil couldn’t do that for a while)

Also this is basically gonna be a retelling of AFTG, sticking very closly to the cannon events and dialogue with the difference of Neil missing his leg, just letting you all know!

Okay so how exactly did Neil ‘running is my only coping mechanism’ Josten loose his leg, from just below the knee, down?

his dad 100% chopped that thing off

Ive decided it happened roughly a month after they went on the run. Mary  Janet Kim Laura Hatford Wesninski  was still sloppy with a bleary-eyed ten-year old that still flinched when he fired a gun

Because somewhere between North Dakota and Saskatchewan, Nathan got close enough to be a problem. Huge problem actually, so huge that Nathanial Alex was now in Nathan’s hands and a note had been left with a time and a place

Now, I’m not defending Mary. She wasn’t a good person, she hurt Neil over and over again and shouldn’t really have been a mother in the first place. Like look me in the eyes and tell me she didn’t hesitate when she saw that note. Nathan logically would have already killed him and would just be waiting for Mary to come running and then would fall to his blades as well

But Nathan was smart because constant voicemails on a phone that should have been a burner had a confused and scared Neil asking for his mother

So she went, with some of her own people as backup (thanks Stuart) 

And Nathan was there, with his cronies and slumped over the figure of what was supposed to be her son

Mary wasn’t a good person, she hurt neil and maybe shouldn’t have been a mother. But that doesn’t mean she didn’t care. Because as soon as she saw the bloody and strategically burned stump of what was supposed to be the growing leg of a child, she threw up

Needless to say they got away, barely.

Mary thinks a huge part of her son died that day

Because now Alex and Janet baker were a leg down and they both knew it

they ran faster, Alex learned to hate piggy backs

Stuart sent people to help, people Mary barely trusted, but people who helped Neil learn to stand and walk and run and hide on a barely held together scrap of metal that was supposed to be a leg. 

Janet knew a part of her son died that day. Ten years old and his hands stopped shaking when he fired a gun, ice blue eyes were hidden behind green contacts sharped like his father’s. 

She caught him staring at his leg more than once with a sick smile and beat it off of him. 

Years later Neil Josten limped away from the sea on a cracked prosthetic and was determined to somehow keep going. His father’s stolen money and Stuarts contacts made it easy to get a leg, one that he could hide in public and run in the dark with. 

And then the Foxes showed up

Because of course Neil still played, played better than any of Millport’s, played to his prosthetics advantages and disadvantages 

Neil played like he had everything to lose because he had already lost part of that everything.

Now we get to the good stuff, what changes in the series now that Neil is an amputee? 

There had never been someone in all of professional and college Exy that played on a prosthetic. You had to be completely put together because the game would tear you apart and leave your skin the only thing holding your bones together.

Wymack didn’t give a shit, and neither did Kevin it seemed

In fact, a fool could have even said Kevin was excited to see what Neil could do

Kevin had no idea who Neil was, the leg actually helped Neil in that regard

Also im making it cannon in this au when Andrew hits Neil with the racket, Neil hadn’t properly put his leg on in his panic so the thing goes one way and he goes another 

Very funny image thank you very much

When Neil is figuring out the Andrew and Aaron switch, he uses the leg to his advantage. Because Nicky nor Aaron seem to know about it, and the shocked look on Aaron’s face later when he realizes Neil’s leg is in fact detachable prove his theory right. 

Nicky is incredibly annoying about it, but luckily the black sock over the stump keeps any burn scars and questions at bay

Aaron does ask typical doctor questions out of morbid curiosity, all of which Neil ignores

That first practice, Neil opens his huge locker and freezes. Because amidst the sea of orange and white gear, a travel bag is folded with two, yeah, two, prosthetic legs

both are Transtibial, but while one has a simply pylon and foot, the other is a very expensive blade runner, with grips on the bottom to keep him from slipping and orange detailing that will help him match the team on court

Neil felt as though he may pass out, throw up, or punch Wymack in the face. 

“Part of your contract, kid. We provide you with your equipment. All of it.” Wymack said after the pratice, after he ran laps and laps on his new leg and gave Kevin his game

When Neil blows his arms out against Andrew, Andrew stands on Neil’s leg as well as his racket because why not, its kinda bouncy

Now when the rest of the team comes back, that’s when things get good PART ONE || PART TWO || PART THREE || PART FOUR