#wtf was zeus thinking

[genericpuff]

In which Persephone is told she can't game the system- (TEXT EDIT)

no art was edited here, just text to make this more realistic to how this scene WOULD have gone if it was an actual courtroom with real rules LOL I find it a little weird that Rachel wrote a courtroom drama arc like this and then twisted it this much to benefit Persephone because like... clearly she was inspired by courtroom drama shows, and I can't help but wonder if she got all of her basic courtroom knowledge from like, Spongebob or some shit LOL

[pandelacreme]

hmm what if lukatill round 7 murder suicide….hmm

idk guys i just can’t imagine till realistically overcoming the fact he just witnessed his childhood friend both confessing his feelings and sacrificing himself for him + not knowing where mizi is. like i can imagine maybe the closest is him doing a twisted version of what he did in round 3 where he just goes completely off script but like. its not planned. hes just spiraling. but mehh idk dude is probably more crushed than he already was

and narratively speaking i don’t think it makes sense for luka to just straight up win the round. like that’s kind of an anticlimatic way to end the last round

what feels to be the most in character, at least based off my idea that luka is going to somehow be unnerved by till’s similarity with hyuna, would be a murder suicide situation but man. anything goes

[cosmicalduck]

The other night I was thinking about how Idia is really a twisted version of Hades, like:

Zeus (younger brother) makes Hades (eldest brother) stay in the Underworld → Idia (eldest brother) makes OG!Ortho (younger brother) stay in the Underworld (unwillingly tho)

Hades wants to overthrow Zeus → Idia wants to save/free OG!Ortho

Hades hates Zeus → Idia loves Ortho

[mer-acle]

Aight now let the God Games begin.

Apollo: Uh I... Like killing that many Sirens was slight overkill don't you think?

Athena: Tbf the sirens are massive bitches...

Apollo: Fair, that was good vocal work sis, let him go.

Hephaestus: Trust is not given it's FORGED (winks) you see what I did there? Anyways he sacrificed his entire crew that wasn't his best moment.

Athena: Yes, but if you let him go, he can still BUILD a future with his fam.

Hephaestus (laughing): Good one, let him go.

Aphrodite: Odysseus should have been home sooner then his Mom wouldn't have died.

Athena:

Athena: Wtf seriously?

(Quick Thought)

Athena: Come on, Aphrodite.

Ares: DON'T MESS WITH MY GIRL ALSO YOUR ODYSSEUS IS A SLY BITCH JUST LIKE YOU AND HIS SON'S A LOSER.

Athena: (rage activate) DON'T YOU DARE SPEAK OF MY BOY LIKE THAT!

Ares: gods okay chill

Aphrodite: awww so cute you do have a heart

Athena: Besides Ares we can watch ody kill all those assholes in his palace and I'll get popcorn.

Ares: GREAT FUCKING DEAL!

Hera: Look I've been pretty pissed at Zeus lately just gimme one good reason.

Athena: So he's smart.

Hera:

Athena: He's... Uh... Did I mention he's smart?

Hera:

Athena: He's kinda funny.

Hera: seriously?

Athena: Okay goddamnit he's not a serial cheater like Dad alright?

(Collective gasps, Hermes is lying on the floor laughing silently)

Apollo: Oh wow.

Artemis: She actually just said that.

Athena: (internally) shit fuck just act like you didn't just say that.

Hera: Husband goals, let him go.

Athena: (internally) act natural... (To Zeus) So I won, let him go.

Zeus: You little shit-

(lightning)

[burlowbeanie]

Also, look at Apollo's response to Percy insisting all demigods be claimed and taken to CHB just a chapter or two prior:

"They won't be left out in the world on their own at the mercy of monsters. I want them claimed and brought to camp so they can be trained right, and survive." "Now, wait just a moment," Apollo said, but I was on a roll. (TLO 353)

To Percy at the time, and on a Doylist level in terms of where the series was at with his characterization in fuckin' 2009, his protestations come across as typical self-absorbed drivel in the face of being accused of anything less than perfection. And while him framing his protestations that way fits with his characterization as it emerges in the rest of the series, in light of the wonderful readings that others in this thread have performed there is another level to them, one that spurs him to try to rebuild his foothold in camp asap and damn the consequences.

As the previous rb mentioned, Apollo has just lost several children to this war. He has just had it driven home in the worst way possible that CHB may not, in fact, be the safest place for his kids; it may be a streamlined way of giving them to Zeus to use as pawns in his power struggles. But now, Percy is forcing the gods' hands. Percy is institutionalizing CHB and binding all of the gods to it. This makes complete sense from Percy's perspective. He is a kid, camp is his home, and he is in the moment where he is speaking feeling fairly lenient and well-disposed towards the gods. He is willing to assume the best of them, willing to forgive Hermes, willing to ignore Ares' abuse (side note: I hate that motherfucker, get the fuck away from clarisse, I stg i will kill him), and willing to overlook the atrocities he has learned Zeus and Hades committed. He just wants the gods to be part of their kids' lives, at least enough for the kids to understand what's going on. And yeah that's a better deal overall for the half-bloods than they've had so far. But from Apollo's perspective, given his waning power within camp, Zeus' growing influence, and the recent fates of his children, jesus christ that is a terrifying ultimatum.

Building on what everyone else in this thread has established, Zeus has been elbowing him out of camp, repeatedly using it as a blackmail chip to get heroes to do what he wants them to. (I'm thinking of the way the weather reflects his threats in TLT and TTC, the way Percy is pressured into quests through fear of what Zeus will do to his friends and to their sanctuary). And now Percy is giving Apollo no choice - he *will* keep turning over his kids. No wiggle room. Camp's size and influence seems like it has been fading over the past years. Many demigods are said to have "disappeared"; not died, just not come back after a summer. I wonder how much of that could have been those who cared about them - parents both mortal and immortal - wanting to keep them out of the action, preferring their chances against monsters to their chances in a war. Point being, camp has not been the default in the time leading up to the Titan War. Not being at camp is dangerous, but being at camp has been dangerous as well.

Percy wants camp to be the default. Percy wants there to be systems in place, a safety net for demigods to rely upon. And he's so so right to want that. But he is a kid and he does not fully recognize (or want to recognize, understandably) how fucked it is, how capricious the safety net can be (the conditions of Zeus' protection), how it is paid for in blood (the quests, the unnecessary dangers, the poorly-planned 'training exercises'), how there is so much room for abuse within it (Tantalus, Mr. D at his worst, bullying on an inter-camper level with Clarisse, Drew, Sherman). But, at least to some extent, Apollo does, even he pretends not to. So when his hand is forced, he immediately moves to try to have some oversight of camp, some more involvement, to build up some of his power to protect or at least monitor it more. He instates Rachel as oracle immediately after the council concludes before anyone has time to react. Camp Half-Blood has been (re-?)established as Thee place for Greek demigods, and if that is inevitable then god damn Apollo going to put all his effort into being a part of it again rather than letting Zeus continue to alternately manipulate and abandon it uncontested.

oo now im interested in that apollo is chb'd patron thing would you care to elaborate on that??

@stereden also asked this! There’s not so much canon for this as some of the other things I’ve talked about but there’s still a few things to say on the topic, and not only am I going to talk about him being the patron, I’m going to talk about how that works with the things that happen with CHB during the PJO series, and of course because we’re talking about Apollo, there’s the odd little titbit from TOA that makes its way into this, too.

A lot of this will be extrapolation, but I’ve done my best to keep more floating headcanons out of it, so this should at least all stem convincingly from canon.

I’m going to address two things under this umbrella, because I think they’re related and also because I find them fascinating: Apollo as the patron god of CHB, and Apollo’s loss of jurisdiction over CHB by the events of canon.

So, Apollo and the patronage of CHB. While Camp Half-Blood Confidential is pretty goofy and daft in tone, it gives us a few important little nuggets of information regarding the founding of the camp, namely that it was Apollo’s idea - or at the very least, Apollo foresaw that it would happen/needed to happen.

Continua a leggere

[voguesriot]

DON’T HURT YOURSELF ✹ luke castellan

( summary ) social media au where your boyfriend became the asshole everyone warned you he’d be and now you’re looking for revenge (& luke is a down bad loser w no game)

( pairings ) luke castellan x fem aphrodite counsellor!reader

DIRECT MESSAGES

sarahdawson: hey girly ik we’re not like close or anything but something happened last night that i need to tell you about

sarahdawson: so i was getting strawberries yesterday and max was there and he was being really weird and like flirty and i’m so sorry i feel like such a horrible person even though i turned him down right away but he tried to kiss me and i hit him and then i went back to my cabin but i had to tell you

sarahdawson: i’m so sorry

yourusername: THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE I KNEW HE WASNT WORTH SHIT

yourusername: this is clarisse btw i took her phone

yourusername: (me again) thank you for telling me sarah it rlly means a lot 🫶

sarahdawson: if it makes any difference you’re way too hot for him and literally anything you need (even rigging archery lessons so the new kids take shots just as he’s walking by), i’m your girl x

♫ Don’t Hurt Yourself by Beyoncé feat. Jack White

♡ liked by silenabeauregard , connorstroll , and others

yourusername love god herself (love u mama) 💋

sarahdawson AHHH YOURE SO PRETTY

yourusername THANK YOU GORGEOUS 🥹🥹

clarisselarue too good for anyone 😮‍💨

silenabeauregard prettiest girl everrrr

chrisrodriguez pur girlie

yourusername what.

chrisrodriguez gods forbid a man expresses an ounce of girlish whimsy

yourusername nooo queen i appreciate you thank you

seaweedbrain you ate ‼️‼️‼️

seaweedbrain ate my dessert*

seaweedbrain it’s all fun and games until you end up stealing from the youth

seaweedbrain count your days miss counsellor

yourusername my girl sally should’ve kept you on a leash for a bit longer because you are rabid my love

seaweedbrain I WAS NEVER ON A LEASH WTF

racheledare STUNNA GIRL STUNNA GIRL I CHOOSE U BABY OVER A HUNDRED GIRLS

yourusername ME AND U 4EVERR 🙏🙏

lukecastellan nice dress!!

this comment was deleted.

clarisselarue lukecastellan i saw that.

lukecastellan why are you so ominous

clarisselarue why are you such a loser

lukecastellan have you ever been chill for a day in your life

clarisselarue have you ever known the loving touch of a woman

chrisrodriguez FOUL 😭😭😭

♫ Feather by Sabrina Carpenter

♡ liked by drewtanaka , pipermclean , and others

[ tagged: yourusername , clarisselarue , silenabeauregard , drewtanaka , hazellevesque , pipermclean ]

sarahdawson girls night w my favs 💘

silenabeauregard APOLLO CABIN 🔛🔝

yourusername FORREALLL

yourusername best night i’ve had in a long time i love u all sm ☹️🫶 ( liked by sarahdawson , clarisselarue , silenabeauregard , drewtanaka , hazellevesque , pipermclean )

silenabeauregard MY GIRLSSSSS

wisegirll prettiest girls in the world 💕💕

clarisselarue sarah girl love ya but maybe leave the singing to ur siblings 🙏

sarahdawson RUDE

yourusername sarahdawson dw baby i loved our duet xx

sarahdawson we simply are destiny’s child

drewtanaka yk who is shaking in his boots

seaweedbrain oh yeah cool i didn’t even want an invite it’s totally chill

yourusername calm down lil guy maybe when you’re older

clarisselarue if zeus doesn’t smite his ass before he gets the chance 😭

seaweedbrain clarisselarue I BEAT YOUR DADS ASS HES LITERALLY A DEADBEAT DADDY

wisegirll too far

seaweedbrain sorry clarisse

lukecastellan yourusername we could hear you singing all the way in hermes ☠️

yourusername NO THATS SO EMBARRASSING WHICH SONG

lukecastellan i think it was never lose me or smth

clarisselarue bros acting like he hasn’t been thinking ab it nonstop

yourusername lukecastellan i’m so sorry for any pain i’ve caused

chrisrodriguez AYY BRO MAKING MOVES

groverunderwood you call those moves? 😭

chrisrodriguez baby steps are still steps let me celebrate my guy in peace 😔

♫ Heartless by The Weeknd

♡ liked by connorstroll , and others

maxwalsh never been better

clarisselarue oh that’s not ☠️

lukecastellan this what you’ve been doing instead of coming to sparring?

maxwalsh it’s a better challenge

drewtanaka THE CLAWS ARE OUT MEOW

yourusername just posted to their story!

DIRECT MESSAGES

lukecastellan: you look really pretty

[star-girl69]

As much as I love overprotective Clarisse which believe me I DO😍😍 am I the only one who kinda wants to see a protective reader if something happens to Clarisse or even Ivy?!

I feel like Clarisse may just sit back and be Yh that’s my girl 🤭

Literally kicking my feet and giggling while writing this

Also I love your writing so much it’s so goodddd I check my phone for any new posts all the time and scream when you do

TYSMMMMM BAE ILY!!!!!! been in a writing slump recently. someone else please write a mind bogglingly good clarisse fic to inspire me again. lord give me strength…

forget the fact this is 2 days late. thank y’all 🙏🙏

anyways officially adding danny to the perfect family bc I DO WHAT I WANT!!!!!!!!!!!

ok so imagine this

clarisse is participating in some sort of contest

like

idk roman gladiators LMAOOOO

but basically it’s like a big tournament? and yk she’s destroying eating it up cooking, whatever you will

finally she gets to like the semi-finals and atp everyone kinda knows she has it in the bag

her opponents are scared

(trust an underground betting ring was formed. everyone who bet on clarisse is thanking the gods and everyone who didn’t is shaking in their boots)

clarisse is happy bc you and the twins (danny and ivy)

are sitting right in the front row cheering her on

and she got a wonderful good luck kiss from you

so not only is she happy and thinking about that but also she’s convinced that she’ll win just bc she got a kiss from you

so the fight starts, ivy is genuinely SCREECHING at the top of her lungs she’s so me she can’t be normal about anything ever

and you and danny are just regularly cheering for her 😭

eventually someone behind you tells ivy to shut up

YOU WHIP AROUND BC WTF???

harshest death glare in the universe. like even zeus would be a little scared.

ivy doesn’t even notice she’s chill

the other person quickly shuts the fuck up.

then you turn back to watch clarisse and the fights just starting, the other dude is scared and knows his ass barely stands a chance

she’s having fun pummeling him

ugh fight scenes are hard to write

so eventually she tosses his ass to the floor

“GO MOM GO GO GO BEAT HIS ASS MOM BEAT. HIS. ASS.”

“IVY STOP FUCKING SWEARING”

and this dude, who’s laid on the ground, who knows he’s cooked, decides the best option is to grab some dirt and throw it in clarisse’s face

and no one was prepared for this

like clarisse was standing over him with her spear at his throat, smile on her face, everyone knew he was done for- THEN HE DECIDES TO PLAY DIRTY AND DO THIS???

like everyone thought clarisse had it in the bag

the rules for this competition were that you’re not allowed to use anything but your person and/or pre-approved weapon(s)

NOT EVEN CLARISSE WAS EXPECTING IT

SO SHES DISTRACTED BY THE FREAKING DIRT IN HER FACE

SO WHEN THIS BITCH KICKS HER SHE GOES DOWN

DEAD SILENT!!!!!!!

EVERYONE GASPS!!!!!!!

whispers in the crowd… “oh bro is cooked…”

(sorry i’m obsessed w saying cooked rn)

and he is cooked

but by someone unexpected.

clarisse is wiping the dirt off of her face swallowing her shame she can’t believe she got distracted and let herself fall she should have saw it coming but suddenly she hears someone screaming

she opens her eyes and sees you menacingly walking towards this dude, who’s still on the ground and scrambling away

and what’s funny it you’re yelling at him like a mother would

the crowd is giggling…

“THAT IS AGAINST THE RULES. WERE YOU NEVER TAUGHT MANNERS??? WERE YOU NEVER TAUGHT DECENCY??? SHAME ON YOU SHAME ON YOUR PARENTS SHAME SHAME SHAME”

clarisse is literally sitting there mouth dropped open when you grab his ear and he HOWLS

dragging him back towards clarisse, he’s kicking and screaming and literally CRYING

“HELP HELP HELP ME HELP SHE CANT SO THIS SHE CANT I DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG”

“YES THE FUCK I CAN YOU BROKE THE FUCKING RULES NOW APOLOGIZE YOU LAWLESS SWINE”

“I DIDNT DO ANYTHING PLEASE I DIDNT”

one of the apollo kids who organized the event is looking around (kinda enjoying it) but mostly very scared

“technically you did break the rules… sorry pal…”

“PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME”

obviously, this is the hottest thing clarisse has ever seen in her life.

she’s sitting back on her palms, watching in utter amazement, trying not to bite her lip

someone loving clarisse… that gets her going

someone loving clarisse enough to PROTECT HER??? she’s about to explode. EXPLODE. she’s never needed you so bad in her life LMAOOOO 😭

and this bitch is STILL refusing to apologize

like damn it’s not that hard… it’s not like you have any pride left to speak of you just got dragged around by the ear 😭😭 bro you’re cooked just apologize and get out while you can

AND YOU’RE GETTING FED UP WITH IT TOO

“hey, dumbass, why don’t you look at the stands?”

you point, and everyone follows your finger.

ivy is a literal cartoonish whirl of her pink t-shirt and the white shorts with the little trees on them

danny is holding her back (with ease, might i add he’s strong as fuck 💪)

“i’ll let her out.”

“I DIDNT DO ANYTHING-”

“LET HER OUT”

he barely escapes that attack.

when you finally call ivy off of her attack, she stands next to clarisse, literally growls at the dude, before hugging clarisse

clarisse is still on the ground in utter shock.

she can’t keep her eyes away from you and ivy. she can’t get rid of the GLOWING feeling in her chest

is this… what it’s like… to be loved?

WAHHHHHH WAHHHHHHHH BITCH NOW IM THE ONE CRYING NOOOOOOOO 😭😭😭

danny eventually walks over and helps her up

then they all watch as you smile sweetly at this very traumatized dude and ask if he’s ready to apologize

“IMMSORRUOHGOEE IMSORHR ESEBIMS YORUUE”

(i’m sorry oh gods im sorry i’m sorry”

then you walk over to clarisse, rolling your eyes and mumbling about bad parenting, girl she pounces on you.

kisses you so hard in front of everyone

ivy and danny are hugging each other and shielding each other’s eyes, screaming, begging for you two to stop

“y/n” she breathes as she pulls away “you are… the most amazing mother, the most amazing girlfriend, and literally the love of my fucking life.”

literally twirling your hair “omg baeeeee you’re too sweet 🤭”

(y’all don’t end up leaving her cabin for a LONG time.)

after this clarisse definitely sort of realizes a whole new side of your relationship. seeing you publicly defend her like that, publicly care about her, love her, omg she is going crazy for you!!!

after this incident she definitely stops calling you her gf.

gives you a really pretty ring she got one of the hephaestus kids to make, starts calling you her wife

and nobody better have a problem w that lol or else they got two ares killing machines, one feral attack dog, and a literal mother who is not afraid to drag you by your ear.

—-

taglist:

@lvrue @t-wylia @laughingcheese037 @kroumi @urdeadpoet @colezb @rey26 @harmzilla @elliewilliamsbae @amberfreemansburntface @kyuupidwrites @neverwaakeme-up @shark1008 @liballer @heyimadison @nvirskies @pnsteblnme @mar2ss @restellsss @ravisinghs-wife @marsconer @evangelinexo @randomhoex @luvrrish @rebecca37 @saltair-and-palemoonlight @ace-spades-1

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Gale Poorly Explains: Epic The musical

Troy saga

Odysseus: We are going to reverse piñata these bitches. Then I’m going home to my wife and son.

(Proceeds to kick ass)

Odysseus: (gets a vision) What in Hades was that?

Zeus: need you to stab something.

Odysseus: Cool

(Breaks into a nursery)

Odysseus: You want me to kill this baby?!

Zeus: Yep! He will grow up and kill your family if you don’t. Good luck with your mental health after this.

Odysseus: (sings about being a guy before dropping the baby out the window)

Odysseus: I may have some PTSD

Eurylochus: I’m going to be a Massive pain later btw, I’m hungry.

Odysseus: Stealth mission on the island. Polites you’re with me.

Polites: I’m just covered in death flags.

(Later)

Polites: you should be more receptive

Odysseus: Maybe you’re right… but not with these guys.

(Athena appears)

Athena: Bitch did I just catch you feeling things again? You’re a warrior of the mind.

Odysseus: Yes I remember the flashback.

(Go to cave to get food)

Cyclops Saga

Polyphemus: why you invading my cave and killing my sheep?!

Odysseus: S*** man. Our bad. The name is nobody. Have some wine as an apology.

Polyphemus:(chugs it) Thanks… now I kill you.

(Polyphemus proceeds to go clubbing)

Polites: Oh no my death flags… (gets killed)

Eurylochus: So we killing that cyclops?

Odysseus: No… we are blinding him, stealing his sheep and then I’m doxxing myself.

Athena: What the f***?! I am leaving. You are too emotional.

Odysseus: This is why you have no friends!

Athena:… F*** you… you man! (Leaves)

(A storm approaches)

Storm Saga

Odysseus: probably unrelated to the cyclops but oh look! Sky islands!

Eurylochus: Captain… I think maybe we should NOT mess with the gods anymore.

Odysseus: Eurylochus, I get your concern… but don’t undermine me again.

Aeolus: Yo, I put the storm in this bag. You should be good. Just don’t have anyone open it.

Odysseus: No worries. I completely trust my crew and they wouldn’t be mutinous enough to disobey my order

(The crew proceeds to prove him wrong)

Poseidon: Oh look, it’s Odysseus of Ithaca. The guy who blinded my son.

Odysseus:… F***! The storm was related.

Poseidon: Killing your fleet.

Odysseus: Because I DIDNT kill your son?

Poseidon: Yep! Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves

(Wipes out fleet)

Odysseus: Seriously? What the f***!?

Poseidon: Your turn now

Odysseus: Lol nope! (Opens wind bag to release rest of the storm.

(Lands on Circe’s island)

Circe Saga

Eurylochus: Captain… I need to tell you

Odysseus: Eury… not now. Go scout or something.

(Eurylochus leaves then comes back)

Eurylochus: Men are pigs.

Odysseus: That’s a rude thing to say sure they have some crass

Eurylochus: No. A witch turned them into pigs.

Odysseus: oh… well damn.

Hermes: Hey Odysseus, want to fight Circe?

Odysseus: Ballin.

(Proceeds to go fight Circe, nearly wins)

Circe: How about I let you tap this ass (secretly holding knife)

Odysseus: Look, you are hot. But I have a wife who I’m an unapologetic simp for.

Circe: Damn, I can’t kill you. But I will send you to the underworld.

Odysseus: Wait… isn’t that the same thing?

(So Odysseus and his crew are restored and sent to the underworld.)

Underworld Saga

Odysseus: Sure is Undertale Genocide route up in here.

Polites: Catch phrase.

Anticlea: Dying… Odysseus I’m your mother and I died waiting.

Odysseus: I am going to need so much therapy later.

Tiresias: Vague Spoilers! Also your wife with a man who is a total monster

Odysseus: WHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tiresias: Good luck bitch. (Leaves)

Odysseus: Maybe I need to be a monster

(They leave the underworld)

Thunder saga

Syren: Odysseus, it’s me your wife. You should jump in the water

Odysseus: But Penelope… I’m just a sexy little baby.

Syren: please?

Odysseus: Okay, but only if you tell me how to get to Ithaca by avoiding Poseidon.

Syren: (gives directions) now jump in

Odysseus: (goes from UwU to 🔪🔪🔪)

Odysseus: BTW we captured your friends.

Syren: WTF

Odysseus: Sashimi time

(Slaughters them)

Odysseus: To the lair of Scylla

Eurylochus: Hey Captain… I need to tell you something…

Odysseus: Eurylochus have the crew light up 6 torches

Eurylochus: I opened the wind bag!

Odysseus: … Make sure you’re holding one of the torches.

Scylla: Oh boy free eats.

(Eats 6 people)

Eurylochus: Did you just sacrifice 6 of our friends?!

Odysseus: You are litterally the LAST person who gets to judge.

(Mutiny occurs)

Eurylochus: I’m hungry. Oh look cows.

Odysseus: You idiot don’t touch the cows. They are the sun god’s!

(The cow was killed)

Zeus: So I heard you like killing cattle. Great news I love flexing on mortals.

Odysseus: Damn it Eurylochus…

Zeus: Alright Odysseus, you get to choose. You or your crew.

Odysseus: Me. I miss my wife.

Eurylochus: Seriously?

Odysseus: You Litterally caused a mutiny a few hours ago. You guys ain’t s***

Zeus: Welp. Time to Bolt

(Kills everyone but Odysseus)

Wisdom Saga

(8 year time skip)

Telemachus: Yo what up everyone. I’m the lovable son of Odysseus. He’s been missing for a while and now we got an infestation of Simps.

Antinous: You brat, where’s your hot mom?

Telemachus: Stop objectifying my mom.

Antinous: What you gonna do about it champ?

(Proceeds to get in a fist fight)

Telemachus: I could really use some help?

Athena: Did somebody need help?

Telemachus: A Friend?!

Athena: Uppercut that bitch.

(Telemachus proceeds to lose but did put up a decent fight)

Telemachus: You are my best friend now.

Athena: I would bury myself for you.

Telemachus: So you mentioned another friend of yours. You should go help him too.

Athena: Yea… I should. I wonder what he’s been up to

(Sees everything he’s been up to including getting captured by calypso)

Calypso: I’m a hot goddess. How are you not begging me to bone?

Odysseus: I miss my wife.

(Is borderline suicidal)

Athena: Crap… it’s worse than I thought.

Zeus: Wait… you want us to intervene on behalf of a mortal? We are gods. We don’t do that

Athena: That is Litterally ALL you do. And usually disguised as animals so you can…

Zeus: (changing subject) Okay okay! Let’s make it a game. Convince these gods to release him and me. Then I’ll release him.

Apollo: He killed the Syrens. I liked their songs.

Athena: They started it, and now the other Syrens will be more careful

Apollo: Fair point. Release him.

Hephaestus: He sacrificed his crew.

Athena: They betrayed him first, and if he is freed he will Rebuild his life.

Hephaestus: Okay fair, Release him.

Aphrodite: His mother died waiting for him.

Athena: The War was your f***ing fault!

Ares: Nice try. (Buts in)

Athena: Ares you cheapshotting bastard.

Area: He mocked the cyclops but didn’t kill him, used cowardly tactics. He’s pathetic and weak like his son!

Athena: (rage mode activated) HOLD YOUR TONGUE! Don’t insult my boy!

(Kicks ares ass)

Athena: Odysseus will slaughter all the suitors, and tell your whore of a girlfriend broken hearts can mend.

Ares and Aphrodite: Release him.

Hera: Give me one good reason.

Athena: He’s never cheated in his wife.

Hera: (glares at Zeus) Release him immediately.

Athena: I won your game.

Zeus: Ah but you forget… I’m a petty bitch! (Strikes her with lightning)

Athena: (badly hurt) Please… release him.

(And it’s implied he did)

Vengence Saga

Calypso: I’m not sorry for loving you.

Odysseus: You kept me here against my will for 8 years. Whatever emotions I feel towards you are Stockholm syndrome at best. Later.

(Hermes appears)

Hermes: Ready for one last ride?

Odysseus: Bring it!

(Proceeds to have a dance number with Hermes and get passed Charybdis)

Odysseus: I’m finally home.

Poseidon: Bitch you thought.

Odysseus: No, I am not dealing with this today.

Poseidon: Get in the water!

Odysseus: 600 Strike!

(Cue anime fight)

Poseidon: You may have won by some miracle… but now that storm blocks your way home. Sucks to be you.

Odysseus: No… sucks to be you.

(Odysseus proceeds to penetrate Poseidon with his trident until the god begs for mercy)

Poseidon: How will you sleep at night.

Odysseus: Next to my wife. On a mattress from Mattressfirm! Save 100 dollars on your next purchase with the code f***youposeidon.

(Now at Ithaca)

Ithaca saga

Penelope: Welp, I’ve stalled as long as I could with the Loom. Time to use the bow stall challenge.

The suitors: It’s impossible! No one could string this bow.

Penelope: Skill issue, call me when someone does.

(Hours later)

Antinous: F*** this! Let’s just go kill her son and then open her bedroom door and [Redacted)

(Gets killed by arrow)

Odysseus: I’m killing all of you now.

Suitors: We need to get weapons:

Telemachus: I’m back, and you guys should just surrender now.

Suitors: Are you nuts, your father will kill us anyway. (Proceeds to attack son.

Odysseus: Oh I’m going to kill you guys even harder now.

(Brutally kills all the suitors)

Telemachus: Daddy?

Odysseus: Son?

(Cue hug)

Odysseus: I’m so proud of you. Now go tell your mother I’m home. I’ll be there in a moment.

Telemachus: I will. (Heads off to tell mom)

Odysseus: So Athena, you gonna say hi or…

Athena: You may have been right about being merciful.

Odysseus: Nah, you were right. And btw, I’m gonna retire from this warrior business. I only want to see my wife. I’m too old for this s***

(Prepares to see wife)

Penelope: Is that you my love?

Odysseus: I changed a Lot over the years… I’m not the same. But could you fall in love with me again maybe?

Penelope: I see… move our wedding bed then.

Odysseus: WTF that is Rooted to the ground. I made that bed with my hands! How can you ask that.

Penelope: Only my husband knew that. So you are him!

Odysseus: Oh…

Penelope: I will fall in love with you every single time. No matter where or when.

Odysseus: (crying) Penelope!

Penelope: Now get your ass over here! I’ve waited 20 years for you and momma has needs.

[somewhereincairparavel]

I was having a good day until I realized how much objectifying Jason was subjected to, So many people just saw him as an object.

He was literally like placed like a historical artifact at Camp Jupiter because of his dad, everyone there only saw him as a legend, not as a person with real feelings. Camp Jupiter was all worshippy with him while he was there but was quick to turn on him after he disappeared, thinking he was dead and didn't even hold a funeral or anything, just moved on with zero thought of him and replaced him like he was some kind of statue.

Even Percy felt bad for staying at Jason's praetor room because he felt terrible for taking Jason's place just like that. So you just know how nonchalant people where when it came to Jason's disappearance. Nobody spoke of him fondly, no one bothered about Jason's wellbeing, To them, he was simply a chess piece that helped them succeed but they didn't care about his fate as long as they got a better replacement.

Please don't get me started on how Piper "claimed" Jason to drew without his knowledge like he was a prize or something. ("Stay away from Jason Grace, he's mine he just doesn't know it yet" Piper honey wtf was that 😭) only to dump him and be SO outwardly bitchy and hostile acting like she got dumped or something, post break up after he was fully in love with her. (Which is something she ironically said she would never do because, as she put it, she was "much different" than other Aphrodite girls) she ended up being more of a heartbreaker than drew herself.

Jason was also, as hazel put it, considered as Hera's pawn to stop gaia's plan.

Zeus didn't care about his death, because to him, Jason is simply one of the many children he has. He doesn't care of he loses one because he has plenty of other sons and daughters to carry his legacy.

Poor jason was just discarded like scrap after his purpose was fulfilled.

[shyredsky]

Just me joining a new fandom and also because I thought this was really funny LMAO (this is just a meme, I didn't write any of this seriously, just having fun)

Telemachus: Lady Athenas, not that I'm questioning your goddess decisions, but why have you been covering my ears for three days?

Athenas (writing on a piece of paper(?): "Nothing to worry about kiddo, just go back to drawing 👍"

Telemachus: Okie doki uwu)

Athenas (thinking): By Zeus, when are these two going to leave the room, it's already been three fucking days!

(Hera and Aphrodite wearing opera glasses watching from chairs next to Athena)

Hera: She was really missing her husband

Aphrodite: I'm still writing it down, there's stuff in there I've never seen

Hera: Geez girl, have mercy on the poor man

Hermes: I've never seen anyone take all that, I can't tell if Odysseus is lucky or not

Ares: From the noises three days ago, I'd say he's very lucky

(Both Ares and Hermes laughing)

Apollo: I don't know why you're laughing Ares, Aphrodite is writing it all down

Ares:.... Oh fuck...

Hermes: We know you liked the sound of that!

Ares: SHUT UP!

(Hermes and Apollo laughing)

Zeus: I've never seen a man give himself body and soul, especially body, to a woman (eating popcorn)

Poseidon (in the corner): That's why you freed him, seriously?! Oh... Geez, is he, like, going to walk after this?

Zeus: Absolutely not! That's right Penelope! Destroy his ass! (Laughing)

Hephaestus: Why are you guys like this? Genuine doubt

Athena: WHY ARE YOU HERE?!  WTF!?

Telemachus (drawing): Why are they in my house? More importantly, what are my parents doing? •w•)

[genericpuff]

Okay this is random but I was thinking about the episode Persephone tells Hades about Apollo and she’s talking about loukoumi to deflect and she brings up that she likes to add orange or lemon juice(i can’t remember which one she was talking about and webtoon won’t let me double check it) to her loukoumi when she makes it and how that’s unusual(I think anyway, again can’t make sure cuz wt sucks) But like? It’s not, you go to the airport in Greece and boom, that type of loukoumi is an option.

It's the same vibe I get now off that scene of Hera apologizing to Persephone for not having more vegetarian options in her home, and Zeus calling the practice a "waste of time"... but they're all clearly eating the same meal anyways and Mediterranean / Greek food is commonly vegetarian anyways ?? like wtf is Zeus talking about, it's really easy and commonplace to be vegetarian, like 70% of the Mediterranean diet is plant-based LMAO

like i guess that toast-looking thing is meant to be meat??? or maybe fish ig?? but again, it's not unheard of to be vegetarian in Greece anyways so idk what the fuck Zeus is talking about LMAO the only out-of-comic explanation I can think of is that Rachel Americanized LO so much that she thinks the old American joke of "haha stupid vegetarian! they're so inferior to us meat eaters!" can be applied to any culture (and that wouldn't be too insane of a stretch considering how much of the rest of LO is written through an American lens)

idk it's just dumb and goes to show how surface level Rachel's "research" is 💀

[katerinaaqu]

EPIC THE MUSICAL:

Zeus: I am gonna appear personally to you because why not and now choose my dear fellow! Yes I know I didn't give you a REAL choice years prior but now I am being clear this time so you choose them or your sorry ass?

Odysseus: Please don't make me do this! (Because the same thing worked wonders before!)

Zeus: Nope I think I will!

Odysseus: I'm sorry guys my wife waits

Them: Wtf?!

Odysseus: Sorry guys you must now join the other souls we so dramatically saw a few songs ago in the underworld. Bye!

The Odyssey:

Zeus: *never appears personally but he works as divine retribution against Odysseus comrades because Helios Hyperion wishes justice for his slain animals*

Odysseus: Makes one last attempt to save his men by sailing out of the island and actually TRYING to go home with them despite the fact he knows they are doomed from Tiresias's words and from Circe's warnings because he ACTUALLY CARES and he doesn't want to suffer the sea by himself and he wishes once more to try the inevitable and change fate even though he knows is impossible in a way adding more to the hubris thinking he can challenge fate.

[connabeth]

i can’t stop thinking about how much i hate the “she met a pinecone’s fate” line. like sure it’s marginally funny but what kind of dickhead says that to someone’s face when they’re actively grieving the loss of their sister figure after all these years. i completely agree with grover’s ‘wtf’ reaction because that line was so uncharacteristic for percy. he canonically has moments where he wields his humor at inopportune times and his jokes fall flat but that’s always when facing down gods and monsters antagonizing him. making him say that line in this moment was in such bad taste because the percy i know would never make a comment like that to belittle a child’s heroic and unjust sacrifice as well as the girl mourning her, especially after acknowledging zeus could’ve done better than turn thalia into a tree. where is his kindness and empathy bc it’s little things like this that differentiate his characterization in the books versus the show

[cosmicourple]

a few Odysseus x Zeus / Poseidon fics I think more ppl should go read (+ leave kudo’s so they’ll get more chapters if their multichapter :)))

#1: Cloudburst by LaurelsAndCats (Odyseidon, on the run adventure, peak shithead! Odysseus, minor sibling banter between Zeus n Poseidon, the King Ithaca thoughts CANT stay out of Poseidon’s brain :), currently not there yet, but it’s gonna have power bottom! Ody’ soooo-)

#2: Ambrosia by Dreaming_Magpie (Zeusseus + currently minor Odyseidon, based on the friend of the author AKA @scyllas-dogs , it’s gonna get even better :3, sexy sex, Zeus being Zeus, Ody’ don’t stay down despite everything AKA he bite, Poseidon got cockblocked in chapter 4 haha, generally just good Zeus x Odysseus food crunch crunch)

#3: Rings of power by carriejack03 (Zeusseus + OdyPen, face sitting, bottom Odysseus, Zeus being himself yet again, Pen’ being the fine queen that she is✨💙, Odysseus being absolutely dommed by Zeus n Penelope (mostly Zeus tho idk), description of Zeus’s cock)

#4: pride is a damsel in distress by nambi (implied Zeusseus, no sex but- homoerotic fight scene, Zeus gains a pain kink, feral! Odysseus >:]]], wholeheartedly eldritch Gods, tension, Zeus’s gets his world view rocked by biting, kinky thoughts of ichor after vomiting, while the rest of the serious so far has OdyPen, the author did say that their gonna explore the more of Zeus n Ody’ in a sequel fic :D)

#5: True Nature Will Be Revealed by HexxBunny (Zeusseus I am a dedicated fan pls give them more content gals—, size difference + kink, embarrassed Ody’, Odysseus gets FUCKED, inappropriate use of electricity, demeaning yet sexy dirty talk, *breathes* begging Odysseus,,,, “He understood now, the mortals that chose to risk Hera’s wrath. This was not a pleasure that should ever be known to mortal men.” 0u0)

#6: So Sweet by Vega_Rane (Odyseidon, Poseidon masturbates to the thought of Odysseus begging at him, Poseidon being a pathetic sexy man, it’s Neal Illustrator’s ver of the Sea God 😃, improper use of said design’s water arm, again, loser Poseidon jorking it to the thought of lil’ shit Odysseus wtf man just admit u wanna fuck him truly)

so, ye, go read them on Ao3/silly

[aryxchse]

can i request relationship hcs w jason pls? ur writing for him is so cute

jason grace dating headcanons

a / n ; ur so sweet wtf?? i love u, keep complimenting me n my ass will be floating soon girlie 🫶🏻🫶🏻

warnings ; cursing and i said sexy like once, also female reader AGAIN

- alright here's my favorite gentleman

- scary dog privilege fr

- he's cold to everyone but you

- everytime you hug him he'll spin you around in the air with him

- cloud dates

- he's your personal fridge in the hot weathers

- likes carrying you in his arms

- and like he does it so often

- will tie your shoes for you

- and will help you with your homeworks

- if you guys go different collages, he'll drop you off first

- carries your stuff for you

- do ya'll know that one korean boy who has the biggest heart eyes? yeah he's jason

- since he knows what a sith lord is even though he lost his memory, he'll watch star wars with you

- and recreates the romantic anakin scenes

- "from the moment i met you-" boy stfu i'll literally fall in love

- please teach him how to have fun, he's a very sarcastic guy inside

- will cry if you buy him lightsaber

- if you're a booktok girlie like i am, he'll be happy to buy you your books

- and traumatised after reading the first page

- also yeah, he's paying everything

- likes buying you sexy clothes to see you wearing them

- he's like a little kid in love actually

- he thinks he should give all the pleasure to you but when you returned the favor and like- idk listened to him ramble about something with lovey eyes he almost cried

- girl you make him cry sm fr

- cancer men ppl

- anyways

- he'll buy you matching rings, clothes, anything. he loves matching with you

- will make your hot chocolate a little bit colder for you be able to drink it with his wind

- carries an hair tie for you

- always holding you, ALWAYS

- a hand on your waist? check, on your shoulder? check, backpocket? double check

- mr grace the acts of service guy

- will hold your hand if you're going upstairs like a princess

- he usually sleeps better if he's laying on your chest

- he has one of your plushies with him and spreys your perfume on it regulerly

- it helps him when you're out on a quest okay??

- will watch you do your makeup with doe eyes

- he learned how to braid hairs from piper just to braid yours, bcs he loves playing with your hair

- likes holding your hand

- but not like intertwined, maybe holding your pinky or your fingers lazly, he just needs to feel you

- colarbone 👏🏻 kisses 👏🏻

- he'll just bow you like you guys doing a tango and boom, kisses your colarbone

- buys you flowers and keeps one of them with him to know when he should buy you new ones

- writes you poetry

- he maybe can't say it out loud too much, but he can write it down or show it through actions

- he's actually very talkative and funny around you, leo was mesmerised when he first saw jason all chatty like that

- blushed the first time you wiped his glasses for him

- let's you style him however you want

- and like, pick his glasses for him

- he always pairs up with you in practices

- fucks the rules and makes you sit with him on the zeus table

- he can't just stay away from you too long and he's kind of obsessed atp

- but we love him for that ladies