#wrote this while listening to the new hozier album

[niamh-writes-things]

even as you cry over pictures I place arm around you, when you deliver flowers to the dirt I stand beside you. even from beyond the grave your sweet,sweet kiss is all I dream of,my love

[beefrobeefcal]

Beefro Proudly Presents:

a Chubby!Joel Miller One Shot

Please welcome Joel Miller to Beefro's Bistro!

a Joel Miller & his Darlin' One Shot: The Way into a Man's Heart

Pairing: Joel Miller x F!Reader

Summary: You've been traveling companions and now that you're in Jackson, Joel's getting comfortable. (Post Outbreak)

Rating: Explicit 18+ (MDNI)

Word Count: 3,650

Content Warning: Smutty smutty smut smut, fingering (f receiving), p in the v - unwrapped (don't be silly, cover you willy, kids!), talk of eating, belly praise, self esteem, weight gain, flannel shirt button popping

Author's Notes: FINALLY! The long awaited addition to the Menu is here! I wrote the majority of this listening to Hozier's new album so please forgive my non-fluffy heart if there are traces of fluff. Thank you to the Nonnie who submitted the illuminating THOT!

Major thanks to @harryleatherfit for their support, and to all those on the TAGLIST - this one's for you, babes 💜 The THOT TANK is always open, Friendos

--------<3----------

They found you in an abandoned apartment building somewhere in the Midwest, and after being cooped up together – surviving – for few days, it was settled that the duo had become a trio. Joel came across as a gruff and emotionless man and while he made you feel supremely unwelcome at first, he grew to at least give you the impression that he tolerated you for Ellie. For the next several months, it was just the three of you, trekking through the ruins of America.

The three of you finally found Joel’s brother and were tentatively welcomed into Jackson. It had taken some time for you, Joel, and Ellie to find your bearings after you’d arrived being that, for the first time in a while, you were expected to act in a civil manner towards others in proximity instead of defending yourselves and fighting for resources.

You and Joel were not a couple. He had never shown any interest towards you beyond your uncanny fishing ability, while you tried to not think of him as anything more than muscle and reinforcement in your travelling party. You were attracted to him, and you did your damnedest to squash any and all thoughts of him being more than a survival companion. This was made worse for you as Ellie would not even discuss the idea of you not being under the same roof in Jackson as she and Joel. Maria and Tommy had set the three of you up in a 3-bedroom home across from them, and you did your best to find a homey-rhythm as a trio.

While you and Ellie had taken to this new life with a relative ease, Joel was almost fighting it. Ellie let her curiosity run wild and you tried to find a social group, but Joel fought back. He didn’t engage with anyone that weren’t a select few outside of sideways glares and grunts in responses to hellos. He declined to get new clothing and outright refused to sleep in a bed until Ellie threatened to spill his deep, dark secrets to you that she had learned through his sleep talking. Even with food, now that there wasn’t a food scarcity or a worry about the next meal, he still refused to stray from his food rationing way of eating. He didn’t go to the mess hall to eat, opting instead for keeping to himself in the house, picking away at whatever was on hand in the pantry.

That was, until you had been assigned kitchen duty due to your skills from working as a teenage line cook in a diner, pre-apocalypse. You’d brought some food home from the mess hall one evening, and Joel picked at it, grumbling that it was decent and wouldn’t be opposed to you bringing home more.

So, you did. And he began to actually sit at the table and eat, but he didn’t come to the mess hall until the following week when you’d told him you were making a beef brisket buffet on the Friday night. While he’d shown more enthusiasm than you had ever seen before (he raised his eyebrows), you were very surprised that night when the hall went quiet as he entered with Ellie at his side.

Your supervisor was so shocked that he showed up, he suggested you sit with him since more than likely no one else would. Ellie took off immediately to sit with kids her own age from school, and that had led you to sitting at a small table in the corner with Joel, watching him eat. And good god, did he eat.

His first serving disappeared before you could even begin yours, and he was back with his second helping with an actual – albeit small – grin on his face.

“I have never seen you look so… happy…”, you mused with a smile at him.

“Never had reason to be… but this is good… haven’t had food like this in… fuck… years.”, he grunted while shovelling food in his mouth.

He looked up at you and gave you a brief smile as he chewed before going back to eating and your heart skipped a beat. That was the kindest he had ever been to you, and you felt those walls you’d built up around those thoughts and feelings you had for him shake.

You’d finished your food and stood up to return your dirty dishes, but as you went to walk away, he called your name.

“Hey Darlin’… uh, mind getting me another helping?”, he asked with a full mouth.

You nodded with a dumb grin at the new nickname, dumped off your dishes, and returned with another plate for Joel.

****

Three months later, the food he was allowing himself was starting to make an impact on his waistline. Never shying from second or third helpings, whether in the mess hall or at home, his tummy was more pronounced whether it was full or not.

You did your best to keep yourself in check, to not let yourself daydream about how that belly might feel under your fingers, or let your mind get carried away listening to the noises he made as he soothed his bloated middle. He would occasionally offer you little grins or a head nod, something he only recently began since being in Jackson, and you assumed he was being polite now that death wasn’t around every corner; this was just his true nature coming out. You figured your time living under one roof was coming to an end, given that you, he and Ellie were safe, and you didn’t need to keep such close quarters while you built your lives back up.

Ellie was spending more time with other kids and less at the house, while Joel continued to patrol and work in the carpentry shop, and you worked away in the community kitchen. When you and Joel were home alone, he kept a respectful distance from you. If there were moments your bodies could touch, like when you did dishes after dinner or he needed help carrying firewood in the house, he generally made a point of not getting too close and stepping back from you and looking away. You took the hint and figured the conversation of your moving into a place of your own was on its way.

*****

One Saturday evening, Joel had really outdone himself on the pork carnitas in the mess hall. You noticed he shifted in discomfort and discreetly had his hand on his lap. It took you a moment, but you finally realized he was unbuckling his belt and opened his pants. You averted your eyes to not embarrass him, but not before you saw that his belly was pushing out on to his lap. Joel Miller was having his fill, damned be his pants.

After he announced he was done, his green flannel shirt was pulled so tight across his middle that you swore you could hear the seams creaking and there were spaces between each of his buttons, exposing his undershirt.

The walk back to your house was relatively quiet, save for Joel’s grunting and huffing every other step from the strain of his full belly.

“Fuck me… I made a real hog outta m’self tonight…”, he groaned as you walked next to him. “Sorry you gotta see me like this, Darlin’.”

You could hear the embarrassment in his voice, and you felt bad for him. His belly, while full and bloated and bigger than you’d ever seen on him, was still smaller compared to some of the other Jackson men’s stomachs, but you knew if he kept this up, he’d be matching them in no time.

“Oh Joel… knock it off… I take it as a compliment. You actually smiled tonight… nothing to be sorry for.”, you responded in a matter-of-fact voice. “You enjoyed yourself.”

He scoffed, as you reached your porch, and opened the door. You helped him into the house, then closed the front door, both of you kicking off your boots.

“Good god… when the hell d’we get all these damn stairs?”, he groaned as he got to the bottom of the stairwell leading to the bedrooms on the second floor.

“Come sit on the couch… you’re not making it up the stairs anytime soon, Joel.”

You patted the back of the couch, then headed to the kitchen to get him a glass of water. “You want anything else?”, you called to him.

You heard him bark a laugh. “D’you see me right now? You think I could get anymore in’ere?”

You heard him sit heavily on the couch followed by him grunting “Dammit!”.

Walking in, you saw Joel sitting back, knees apart, and his favourite shirt unbuttoned to his chest, his undershirt riding up and exposing a strip of his belly and showed his pants were pushed open by his stuffed middle.

“What happened?”, you asked, walking back in with a glass of water for you both.

“Damn fuckin’… Jesus…”, he muttered, his cheeks blushing in deep scarlet. He noted you were still looking at him for answer. “My fuckin’ buttons popped. Wrecked my favourite shirt.”

You couldn’t help but smile. Joel, the hardened, battle-scarred killer who shot first and asked questions later, was blushing.

“It’s a good look on you.”, you teased as you sat in the chair next to the couch, leaning back and feeling emboldened by his vulnerability.

“What is?”, he sheepishly looked up at you.

“A big dinner.”, you smirked as you took a drink of you water, eyes on his.

He stared at you a moment then down to his round stomach, and he huffed a laugh and smiled to himself. You sat in a comfortable silence for a moment before he spoke.

“Didn’t know you could cook like that, Darlin’. Probably a good thing I didn’t know till we got here, too… couldn’t outrun shit with this full gut…”, he said, eyes still cast down and hand on his belly.

“Thank you.” It was your turn to blush, and before you could stop yourself, you said quietly, “Didn’t know you’d look so good like that.”

Realization hit both you and Joel about what you’d said, and you wanted to crawl in a hole as you saw his eyes go wide.

“Joel… oh my god… I am so…”, you started, covering your face and you didn’t see the grin that grew across Joel’s face and the look in his eyes as he watched you.

“I’m just findin’ all sorts’a things ‘bout you lately, darlin’...”, he teased in a low voice. “And here I thought you weren’t interested… and leavin’ me hanging.”

Your breath caught in your throat, and you swallowed hard before you had the nerve to look up at him. His brown eyes were dark and looked hungry? He trailed his stare up and down your body as you sat and subtly licked his lips.

“Joel… I…”, you stuttered, paused, then finally asked, “Wait… what did you say?”

He gave you a lopsided grin and sat back with a smug face and stated, “I swear, darlin’, I thought you weren’t interested.”

You just looked back at him with wide eyes while his smug demeanor shifted into a gentler and warmer gaze. He smiled and patted the seat next to him.

“Come over here, baby.”, he spoke softly.

You stood slowly and his eyes never left yours and he raised his hand to take yours as you sat next to him sideways to face him fully. His hand went to your waist, his thumb stroking you.

“You drunk or something?”, you questioned teasingly with a smile.

He sighed a small laugh, his eyes again trailing up and down your body. “Nope, darlin’. Just felt like it was ‘bout time I was honest since I’m learnin’ so much ‘bout you lately.” He sucked in a breath and licked his lips again when his eyes watched your chest move with your breathing. “You look good, darlin’. Real fuckin’ good.”

His eyes moved up to yours and you could see the want, the need you held back for so long, burning in his eyes. You moved forward, your hand cupping his face.

“So do you, Joel.”, you breathed as you kissed him.

You heard him sigh into the kiss and push into it, his grip on your waist tightened, fisting your shirt and pulling you closer. You instinctively ran your hand over his taught, full belly and he shivered as you did, his grip trying to pull you onto his lap now.

“Get up, baby… can’t bend that way right now… get on me…”, he instructed you in a breathy tone as you moved to staddle his lap. 

Your smaller frame was now right up against his swollen belly as you frantically made out on the couch.

“God damn… fuckin’ hell, darlin’… if weren’t so damned full, I’d do this properly in bed upstairs…”, he panted as you moved your kisses to his jaw and neck and began to rock your hips. His hands grabbed your hips and pulled them down to put more friction on his denim-clad cock. “Make you feel so fuckin’ good.”

He roughly jammed his hand between the two of you, cupping your heat as he began to make lude promises in whispers as you whimpered kisses along his neck.

“That’s right, darlin’… makin’ those pretty sounds… bet your pussy tastes better than your cookin’… how many nights I fucked my fist wishin’ it were your mouth…. Never thought you’d want an old fat fucker like me….”

You finally worked up the ability to push yourself back from him, and you looked down at his dark, blown-out pupils and his parted, panting lips, knowing you looked the same, while his hand stilled on your jeaned heat.

“You gonna let me fuck you, Darlin’?”, he breathed out, eyes pinned to yours.

You nodded as your hands moved to his shoulders and you pressed your mouth to his. He deepened the kiss for a moment, the pushed you up gently.

“Darlin’…”, his voice needy and almost desperate. “Baby, take your pants off…”

You stood up and removed your shirt and jeans, leaving you in your bra and panties. Joel huffed as he moved himself up off the couch, dropping his already open jeans, the grabbed your arm pulling you towards him.

“So fuckin’ pretty…”, he smiled before kissing you.

His arms wrapped around you and your hands went to his hair and around his shoulder. Unlike the previous kisses that were hasty and desperate, this one was slow, methodical, and carried over a year’s worth of unspoken emotions that neither of you were brave enough to put words to.

Joel pulled back first and softly smiled at you before he said is voice far too soft for the words he spoke.

“I’m gonna fuck you into this couch, Darlin’.”

His mouth is back on yours, hungry. Teeth and fervor, clashing between you. All that soft, gentle kissing was gone, Joel had given into what ever primal urges you had unearthed in him. You moan into his mouth as his hand grips your hair, pulling your head back.

“Joel… please…”, you begged breathlessly. “Take it... take me…”

He smiled darkly at you and pushed you face down over the arm of the couch, his hands going to the waist of your panties. He paused as if waiting for confirmation that you wanted this. You nodded and gave a strangled “uh-huh” and he pulled them down.

Joel let out a noise that you can only think was one from a starving man looking at a banquet feast. He dragged his thick finger through your slick folds, making you squirm and whimper.

“Oh, baby, you’re so fuckin’ pretty… bet your tight little cunt’s just waitin’… your pussy’s droolin’ for me, Darlin’... I’m gonna wreck you for any other man… wanna bury myself in your tight little cunt… so fucking pretty, baby.”

“Joel, please… fuck me… please… don’t tease!”, you cried out, unable to get any further friction from his fingers given the way you were splayed out on the couch arm.

“That’s right, baby… gonna take care of you, Darlin’… gonna make you feel good… patience, baby…gotta work you open for me.”

He removed his fingers and spit on them before he pumped one into your cunt, his thumb gently rubbing your neglected and throbbing clit. His finger was thick, and you could only imagine how big his cock was; you’d once got a quick glance at the outline before Jackson and if that was any indication, he was doing you a favour getting you primed and ready for him. He pulled back and added another finger after a moment, picking up his pace and you cried out and called his name as you gripped the couch cushion.

“So tight, Darlin’… tell me how bad you needed this, baby… tell me… tell me you need me.”

“I-I need this… Joel… need you, Joel… so bad… wanted this for so long… oh god… yes… there… right there, Joel… please, oh fuck!... Joel... Joel… keep going!”, you panted with a whine.

He pushed a third finger in, and you cried out and clawed at the couch cushion.

“Shhh, baby… come on, Darlin’… need to fuck you after this and I gotta get you open for me… need it to feel good for you… doing so good… I can feel it…. you’re close, Darlin’… let go for me, baby… come on.”

You could feel your orgasm building up, and when he curled his fingers and hit that sweet spot buried deep in your cunt, you came, crying out like a beaten dog.

“There you go… that’s it, Darlin’… sing for me, baby.”

He worked you through your orgasm, and when you felt like you could breathe normally, you tried to push yourself up. Joel’s hand rubbed in between your shoulder, and he gently pushed you back down.

“Darlin’, I’m too full to fuck you the way I outta… but you look to fucking good to pass up… you gonna let me have you here, baby?”. His tone was pleading and needy, but gruff, while his harsh, calloused hands gently rubbed you on you back where he pushed you down.

His words and the way he said them had your insides turn to mush and you could feel another gush of arousal slip from your puffy cunt.

“Please…”, was all your fuck-drunk brain could muster in a pathetic, breathy whine.

“Too good to me, Darlin’… too fuckin’ good to this fat old man.”, he groaned as he pushed his aching, hard cock into your tight, slippery cunt.

The feeling was too much. For a moment, you thought it wasn’t going to work, but he soothed you. He kept pushing himself in slowly, offering words of praise while his fingers dug into your hips.

“Takin’ me so good, Darlin’… that’s it, honey… so good… feel so fuckin’ good…”

He pushed in as far as his length could go and his tip kissed your cervix. Your lungs felt like they couldn’t fill with air you were so full, and you needed him to do something.

“You gotta relax, baby… I can’t move shit unless you relax…”

“Joel… please move… need you to move… so full… move, please…”, you whined, trying to catch your feet on the floor so you could push back into him.

He panted a chuckle and began to move, slowly at first, then increased his hip’s speed and intensity until he was ramming into you. The couch was squeaking on the wood floors from Joel’s weight repeatedly being forced against it. The couch’s rough material was rubbing harshly against your hip bones, but it was worth it for the sweet sting of Joel splitting you open as his heavy, full belly hitting your ass cheeks.

“Oh god… Joel… yes… yes… k-keep going… yes… fuck…”, you panted, tears in your eyes.

“So good… baby… you gotta come… come on, baby… you’re close, Darlin’… come on…”

The white-hot burn of your second climax crept down your spine and built up as his finger went to your clit, rubbing circles, pushing you over the edge. Your vision went blurry for a moment your body went rigid, your mouth open and high-pitched pants and moans escaped from it.

Joel’s hips sputtered as your climax pushed him to his own release. He let out a few deep, guttural grunts as he thrusted a few more times, spilling his hot seed into you.

He tried to not collapse onto you as he pulled out. He stumbled back into the armchair as you pushed yourself up off the couch’s arm.

“Fuck, Darlin’… wish you could stay bent over like that… sucha pretty sight…”, he huffed in a laugh as you got up. He patted his leg. “Come’ere, baby…”

You clumsily moved over to him and held your hands out. “No… up, Joel… Ellie could walk in the door at any moment and the last thing she needs to see is you stuffed to the gills with your dick out in the living room.”

“Sucha fuckin’ mouth on you!”, Joel grinned, and moved his hands to yours. “Better get a move on… let’s go to bed.”

You collected your abandoned clothing that was strewn throughout the living room and got Joel upstairs into his bedroom. You went to your room to clean yourself up and change, and there was a knock at the door. Upon opening it, Joel saw you and pushed his way in, closing it behind him.

He pulled you close to him, his belly pressed against your middle. You touched his face softly, gently running your fingers through his scruffy facial hair.

He smiled and kissed you tenderly and said softly against your mouth, “I got you, Darlin’… tell me you’ve got me… please…”

“I got you, Joel.” --------<3----------

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TAGLIST:

@harryleatherfit @harriedandharassed @theywhowriteandknowthings @toxicanonymity @neverwheremoonchild @beee-haw @rebel-held @deathsholywaterr @xdaddysprincessxx

[cleolinda]

(For our purposes, listen to it without the visuals first.)

I wasn't going to keep posting about Unreal Unearth, but something happened yesterday.

It's been five months since I first heard this song, and I'm still astonished by it. You know the tiktok skit about the Star Wars wedding music, and the guy is grooving along until the Imperial Death March filters in, and then he's kind of alarmed, like, wha—? And then he realizes it slaps anyway and he keeps dancing? That is "Eat Your Young."

It's the morning of March 17th. The EP with the first three singles from the new album has dropped. I've got my phone blasting the song on the bathroom counter, I don't understand half what the man is saying nor did I expect to, I'm cheerfully mumbling along in the shower, grooving along,

wait they did what for a war drum

Get some Pull up the ladder when the flood comes Throw enough rope until the legs have swung Seven new ways that you can eat your young Come and get some Skinning the children for a war drum Putting food on the table selling bombs and guns It's quicker and easier to eat your young

What the fuck, this song goes so hard. That's the chorus. The conceit of the whole album is that it loosely follows Dante's Inferno, so this is the third circle of hell, gluttony. Hozier himself says that he wasn't specifically thinking of Jonathan Swift's A Modest Proposal—

“I don’t know how intentional the reference to Jonathan Swift was in this. That essay [Swift’s 1729 satirical essay A Modest Proposal in which he suggests the Irish poor sell their children as food] is such a cultural landmark that it’s just hanging in the air. I was more reflecting on what I felt now in this spirit of the times of perpetual short-term gain and a long-term blindness. The increasing levels of precarious living, poverty, job insecurity, rental crisis, property crisis, climate crisis, and a generation that’s inheriting all of that and one generation that’s enjoyed the spoils of it. The lyrics are direct, but the voice is playful. There’s this unreliable narrator who relishes in this thing which was fun to write.” [Apple Music album notes]

—and I believe him. The song's not a suggestion, a proposal; it's an invitation to atrocity in progress. I also believe he probably wasn't thinking of Greta Thunberg's iconic speech at the UN Climate Action Summit, not specifically, but that's what I hear in the song, like the flip side of a coin:

You have stolen my dreams and my childhood with your empty words. And yet I'm one of the lucky ones. People are suffering. People are dying. Entire ecosystems are collapsing. We are in the beginning of a mass extinction, and all you can talk about is money and fairy tales of eternal economic growth. How dare you! [...] You say you hear us and that you understand the urgency. But no matter how sad and angry I am, I do not want to believe that. Because if you really understood the situation and still kept on failing to act, then you would be evil.

I feel like on some level, even coincidentally, "Eat Your Young" is the answer to the question, what would you sound like if you were that evil? Who would you be? I can think of a dozen possibilities just off the top of my head or looking around my blog, from something as petty as studio executives mangling trees to deprive striking workers of shade (while hoping they lose their homes), all the way up to the US school-to-prison pipeline. The National Rifle Association keeps politicians in its pocket while the US has more mass shootings than days in a year, Nestlé fucks shit up around the world as a way of life, even ChatGPT sucks up water while threatening jobs—and for what? And yet, I promise you most of these things weren't the inspiration for an Irishman’s song—some of them hadn't even happened yet. There's just that much fresh You Would Be Evil to go around. I am certain that Hozier wrote the song partly about (as one article puts it) "Ireland's housing crisis: Millennials, a generation sacrificed," given that time back in the day when he helped occupy a building—a housing crisis happening in multiple countries. There's so much of the world I'm not touching on. I can stuff a paragraph with links and it's utterly inadequate.

I haven't even mentioned war.

There's an overwhelming sense this decade of the future being fed into a meat grinder. That sense is in this song. What would it sound like to be in the head of someone who didn't give a shit about anything but profit? Well, it might sound like this.

And if you haven't heard it, well—I'm going to sound absolutely out of my mind after saying all that, but "Eat Your Young" has a beat and you can dance to it. It's sexy. And I'm certain that's on purpose. You get seduced into the sound of it, as if by something demonic, something that enjoys sucking down the future and is not going to stop. And the sheer fucking catchiness of the song keeps you listening to it—thinking about it—when maybe you push away the dry headlines we get everyday. If you let this song stay in your head, it becomes a lens. Five months later, I still think about it when I read the news. Maui was on fire and tourists stayed. Within days, the prospect of developers swooping in to buy up land reared its head. If there's something still to take, there is ground to break, whatever's still to come. Get some.

I was born in 1978 —I'm late Gen X. In my forties, I'm young enough to worry about the future still; I’m neither so rich that I can just plan to retire to Mars, nor so old that I can know I'll be safely gone before the world might go up in flames. But I'm also not my nephew, whose school year just started back up, or the neighborhood kids who race him home down the sidewalk in the afternoons. Yesterday, he had his very first mass-shooter lockdown drill. He’s six.

I think music can put the feeling back into numb fingers, and I think that's why "Eat Your Young" works so well—Hozier calls the song fun and playful, and I think you have to have that, something you can live with rather than just switch off for your own mental survival. We need music to feed spirit at protests; we need something to keep our feet moving. Don’t give up, don't close your eyes and slip away. Those kids, they have dreams we could try to steal back for them.

Since I mentioned Maui:

Why Hawaiian sovereignty has undeniable context for the Maui fires

The Climate Crisis and Colonialism Destroyed My Maui Home. Where We Must Go From Here

How You Can Donate and Help Support Maui Communities Right Now

The Maui Strong Fund

[arlh0e]

Now that it’s done

Rating: we’ll call it PG-13 for explicit language

Warnings: Hozier x fem!Reader, angst, post-break-up, anger, lots of feelings, explicit language, francesca by Hozier, I might make you cry

Summary: you and andrew had been broken up for almost a year. Everything had been perfect in your relationship for years, but while he was touring for his second album, there was a lot of stress put on your relationship. Stress that unfortunately bubbled up into something which at the time couldn’t be fixed. So you left him. His newest album, ‘unreal unearth’ has been out for a few months and though you were a fan of his music, you hadnt been able to bring yourself to listen to it until now.

Everything about this felt wrong.

Though, you knew that Andrew released his music to the public for everyone to listen to, you still felt weird. He had written music about you before and you had listened to that but this was different. Anything from the new album would be about your break up.

It felt like an invasion of privacy considering the two of you hadn’t spoken since you left him.

You really didn’t know what to expect.

You weren’t sure how you’d feel is you listened and heard him singing about another girl. You were even less sure how you’d feel if you heard him singing about you.

You decided to say fuck it and just scroll through the whole album and pick the first song that caught your eye. A song titled ‘Francesca’ your heart dropped. What if thats the name of the girl he’s seeing? He never dropped your name publicly. Ever.

You click on it and immediately you’re met with the softest guitar melody. It made you think of the melodies he used to write when the two of you first started dating. One of the melodies he had said sounded like falling in love with you.

The memories brought tears to your eyes. The thought that he could have been writing about someone else so soon made you livid.

It had only been a year and while you were still just trying to pick up the pieces from having to leave the person who you thought you’d spend your life with, who you thought you would marry and bear his children, he was already writing love songs about other people. How dare he.

You waited a bit longer until you started hearing words though to form a concrete opinion.

‘Do you think I'd give up

That this might've shook the love from me

Or that I was on the brink?

How could you think, darling, I'd scare so easily?’

Your mouth hung slightly agape. So he was seeing someone else. Someone who maybe had their doubts about him and he wrote this as a letter of convincing.

The confirmation that he was over you felt similar to him twisting the knife that was still in your chest (although you were the one who put it there, but it still hurt.)

‘Now that it's done

There's not one thing that I would change

My life was a storm, since I was born

How could I fear any hurricane?’

Oh.

And suddenly you were back in the mindset that you should not be listening to this.

He was pouring his heart out to you. Publicly of course, but you still shouldn’t be listening. This was private. It felt like you were reading a diary entry of his and once you started you couldn’t stop.

‘If someone asked me at the end

I'll tell them put me back in it

Darling, I would do it again, ah, ah

If I could hold you for a minute

Darling, I'd go through it again, ah, ah

I would still be surprised I could find you, darling

In any life

If I could hold you for a minute

Darling, I would do it again, ah, ah’

Everything inside of you wanted to break down and sob.

How long had he been thinking about this? More importantly did he still feel this way? Was he still sitting there wishing you had given him another chance?

You stared blankly at the wall for the as you listened to the rest. Everything he had to say was so perfect. It was a comfort to know that through all of the pain you felt leaving him, of wishing you hadn’t, but rationalizing your actions through blaming it on your loneliness.

You had broken up with him because of how hard him touring and constantly being away had been on you. Every single moment was agony, and after doing this with him twice through two albums and then with him constantly being in the US for interviews and to work with new bandmates, you broke. You left him. You had moved into your parent’s house and out of the house he had bought for the two of you in Ireland before he had even gotten home from his most recent trip. You left him with nothing but a note (a rather long one at that, all things considered, but a note nonetheless) explaining everything. You knew you couldn’t break up with him face to face. You would have pussied out and stayed.

If you had known, fully understood the utter devotion he felt toward you, even now, even after the way you had left, you never would have done so.

And just when you thought you would get through the entirety of this song unscathed, with just a few tears shed but no real damage done.

‘Heaven is not fit to house a love like you and I.’

And that was all it took.

You weren’t even really in control of your own body as you stood and went to gather your things.

It was a 30 minute drive to the house you weren’t even sure he would be at.

As you walked to the car, you pondered for a moment giving him a call to ask if he was home, but thought better of it knowing he would ask about why you wanted to talk so suddenly. This was a conversation which needed to be had in person. You couldn’t’t let him talk you into having it over the phone. You wouldn’t let yourself be persuaded into taking the easy way out of an important conversation with him again. This was too important.

The tears wouldn’t stop flowing from your eyes. Even as you were driving, you couldn’t stop. This had broken every ounce of strength and pride left in you that had kept you away from him.

Only now were you realizing just how much energy this last year had taken out of you. You knew it would be hard even before you made the decision to leave, but you never imagined the toll it would take on you after you had done it.

Every once of free time you had was taken up by thoughts of him. If you weren’t working, you had been looking for every distraction you could. Whether it be spending time with your friends and family or going to a bar to meet a new boy who you’d take home, talk to for a few days, but ultimately never met for a second time.

Your friends had even gone as far as to start calling them your “flavor of the week”, a name which, while fitting for what you had been doing, still didn’t hurt any less.

You wondered in passing if any of your friends had told him about the volume of your personal conquests. He wouldn’t have cared of course, you knew all too well that he wasn’t above a few one night stands in order to get over a break up. He’d probably slept with his fair share of people over the course of the last year as well, but you still didn’t want him to know.

Your thoughts were going a mile a minute as you drove the familiar route to your former lovers house. Your former house.

The thought of seeing even the front of the house made you feel ill. You hadn’t been back since you left and you weren’t ever planning on it.

You felt the need to throw up as you turned into the dirt road that led to the house. You remembered going to visit this house with him when you first started tossing around the idea of you moving into a house with him. You remember knowing that it was perfect from the moment you saw it. You remember how you went around the house describing the life you pictured the two of you living in that house. You remember all the remodeling the two of you did to make sure that your home would be perfect. You remember the extra room upstairs, which you thought you’d be turning into a nursery at some point.

Your stomach lurched the closer and closer you came to the driveway.

There was nothing else out here, and even from a ways out you could see that the lights were on inside that house.

So he is home.

Your breath became shaky as you pulled into the drive next to his car.

The walk up to the door felt like it took ages. Your shaking hand reached to ring the doorbell.

Silence.

You frantically wiped away your tears which were still falling. You thought for a moment about what he would think looking at you after all this time, crying on his porch, sopping wet from the rain, shivering from the cold and the anxiety that racked your entire body.

You thought for a moment about ringing the bell again, or maybe knocking this time. You were utterly impatient, you needed him to answer the door before you turned and ran.

You reached out and opened the screen door, quickly attempting to knock on the interior door at the same time that it swings open.

“Oh um… hey.” You blurt out. You mentally give yourself the beating of a lifetime for how awkward you’re being.

Looking up at him, you can see that his hair is a lot longer, and his beard, while still the same length is a lot fuller. You briefly remember what it was like to run your fingers across the stubbly skin of his face.

His eyes are full of concern as he looks down at you, noticing the tears and how absolutely sopping wet you are from the rain. “Hey, are you okay? Come inside, Jesus.”

He grabs your arm gently and guides you inside. You’re sobbing still and tremors are wracking through your body while you look up at him. “I just- I uh-“

“Hey, it’s alright.” He laughs a little bit “let’s get you calmed down first, do you want some tea or anything? I still have a box of that jasmine tea you like.” You sniffle a bit and nod, looking down and making eye contact only with your feet. This was ridiculously embarrassing. “With honey still?” You started crying a bit harder as he recalls how you like your tea. After a year he still remembers how you like your fucking tea.

You follow behind him, still shaking and take a seat at the kitchen island while he starts the water and hands you a mug. Your favorite mug.

Fuck.

You took a moment to calm yourself down while he stood across from you, pouring the water, wrapping the string of the tea bag around the handle, squeezing just the right amount of honey into the mug and then handing it to you with a smile.

By the time he’s done, you’ve managed to calm down enough to talk to him.

“I just wanted to talk I guess.” You cant look up from your tea. You’re still crying but it’s slowed to a steady trickle now as opposed to violent sobs.

“About what?” He sounded genuinely interested. Or concerned. Or both.

“I uh…” You take a deep breath in to calm yourself. “I listened to Francesca…” your voice was small, quiet enough that you weren’t sure he would hear you.

“Oh. Thats what all this is about?” He moves from his position leaning against the counter and walks around the island to sit next to you.

You felt as if the whole world was spinning and suddenly you went from not being able to say anything at all to everything coming out at once.

“I don’t know, Andrew, if I had known I would’ve at least called. I would’ve tried to figure it out, I-” I pull my hand up over my mouth like it would help hold in the tears and choked sobs that had returned. “I left because I thought you didn’t love me anymore. I dint know, I didn’t think it would matter, especially not now I just…” you let out a deep sigh. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

He lets out a small chuckle and reaches over to pat my shoulder. “It’s okay. I did always joke around with Alex that if you ever left me it would be because I got stupid and probably deserved it.” He gets up and goes back to the kitchen with my mug to wash it. “I’m really happy to see you though. I missed having you around if nothing else.”

“Yeah, I miss you too…” you were still just barely whispering. You did miss him. You wanted to come back. You wanted him to let you come back. “I really fucking did it this time didn’t I?” I laughed through your tears.

“I don’t think so.” He shrugged and moved back over to you. “I think you did what you needed to do so that you could be happy.” He shrugged. “I could never be upset with you for that. I never was. Not even for a moment.” You look up to see him smiling down at you. It’s sad, you can almost see the memories of the two of you flashing through his eyes as they turn glassy.

“I wouldn’t blame you if you had.” You shrug. It was true. Nothing about this situation was okay, and it was all because you hadn’t seen how he felt about you while you had him.

“Well, apology accepted. You don’t need to feel bad. And for the record that song wasn’t meant to guilt trip you.” He laughs.

“I never thought that it was.” I sigh. Of course he thought you were just here because you felt bad. “I fucking hate this. I hate not talking to you, Ive been fucking torturing myself not calling you or showing up here. I can’t fucking do this shit anymore.” You sigh. This was a stupid idea. Of course he thought you were just here to apologize how fucking idiotic were you to think that you could come in here, apologize and everything would be okay again.

“I um… I should go. I shouldn’t’t have come it’s late I’m really sorry to bother you.” You shake your head and quickly stand to make a quick exit. His hand flies up to your wrist to stop you.

“Please stay.” His eyes are gentle and he’s standing so close. “I meant every word that I said. I’m not upset. I never was.” He pulls me to his chest and wraps his arms around my shoulders.

You didn’t think you were capable of crying this much in one night. Being so close to him brought it all out again, sobs were racking through your entire body. He still smelled exactly as you remembered. He was so comforting and yet this was the least comfortable experience you had ever been through. “I just want to come back.” You were back to whispering again. You almost hoped he hadn’t heard you.

“Then come back.” You froze. You weren’t quite sure what you were expecting, but you’re sure it wasn’t that.

You think about it for a moment. The thought is tempting of course, every fiber of your being wants to tell him yes. But then the thought passes through your mind that with the new album you knew he’d be leaving again soon. The thought made you visibly tense.

“The option is always there. No matter how much time passes, I’ll always want you here.” He places a small kiss onto the top of your head.

“You’re leaving again.” You sigh, but you don’t pull away.

“Yes. In a few weeks.” You can hear the way his mood shifts and all hope you had given him leaves again. “But I swear I’ll figure it out though. I’ll come home more, I’ll call more, fuck you can come with us, I’ll make up some bull shit position you can have on the team so I have an excuse to pay you so you don’t have to worry about your job if you want, I swear it’ll be different this time.” He’s not even trying to hide the panic in his voice.

“Yeah, okay.” You relax into his arms and take a few deep breaths. You’re still crying a bit but you’re more calm now, with everything settled.

You’re not sure where to go from here. Do you just start over from scratch, or do you pick up where you left off? You pull away from him a little bit to look up at him. You cant remember the last time you saw him look at you with such adoration. His smile was small, barely noticeable, but still the same goofy smile you remembered.

“Your hair is a lot longer now.” You giggle a bit and reach up to run your fingers through the ends of his curls. “I like it.” You smile.

“Yeah? I honestly just stopped wanting to put in the effort to get it cut.” He laughs, his hand coming to hold the side of your face. You lean into his touch and close your eyes.

“Yeah, thats sounds about right.” You giggle and open your eyes. “And your beard is more full now too.” You reach up with both hands to feel the sides of his face.

You really missed this. Everything about him was just so comforting. You felt at peace, at home for the first time since you had left.

“Do you wanna stay here tonight?” He asks quietly. “You can borrow some of my clothes, it’s just raining really hard, and you’re too upset to be driving in weather like that.” He smiles down at you.

You laugh a bit “We’ve been back together for all of five minutes and you’re already asking me to stay over Andrew, what would your mother think?” You tsk at him and smile. He already knows the answer is yes of course.

“Oh please. You of all people know that my mother would be ecstatic to know that you were sleeping over again.”

So anyways, I had a lot of fun writing this, even though it was a little sad. I love this man, enjoy <3

[writerscafehub]

𝐌𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐀: 𝐀𝐥𝐞𝐱

@thecutestlittlebunbunfairy

From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

I give myself a solid 3 stars. I think I can churn out some good stories and smut, but I know I make grammatical errors and sometimes my stories have an awkward flow, but I'm always working to get better. 

What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

I’ve been told a few times that I have a good story telling ability; so I think that’s where I shine/stand out/ Being able to take a prompt, a song, or just a few quotes and turn it into a full story.

Are there any writers that inspire you?

Unfortunately, a lot of the writers who inspired me have left tumblr and are lost to time. Some of the ones that are still here are angryschnauzer, tsuntsunfangirl, and caffiened-queen. Some new favourites are Navy, hansensgirl, harryspet, tumblin-theworldaway, and of course all my friends in the server <3

What’s the fic you’re most proud of?

It’s so hard to pick just one so i’ll give two! I’m incredibly proud of my Spooptober 2023 collection. It was a tribute and inspired by Hozier’s newest album, and it was the first time I completed a monthly collection! Easter Bunny is definitely a favourite as well; not only a Lee fic (I love our Sheriff so much) but it was a chance to write some real escapist fluff. 

Which character(s) do you find easiest to write and which do you find most difficult to write?

Loki, Bucky, and Cap are definitely my easiest characters. They’re my ol’ reliables and I love all three of them.

Who or what do you find yourself writing about most?

The obvious answer is: BUCKY lol. But a lot of my fifcs tgend  to be escapism style stories. Bucky coming in to “rescue” the reader in one form or another, even if it’s a dark “rescue”

Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about!

I have 3 long term multi chapter fics planned that I can’t wait to share with everyone (eventually). Two of them are Kylo Ren fics, with one having Kylo Ren as a Director of an art museum, hiring an intern whom Kylo assumes is a guy, but is actually a v cute girl and the other being a Mafia!Kylo with an arranged marriage. The last is a Loki fic with Loki as the CEO of a company who needs a bride to appear good for business purposes. 

First fandom you ever wrote for?

Technically the MCU. The first ever fic I wrote was a Tom Hiddleston fic.

Any guilty pleasure trope(s)?

I admit I don’t really believe in “guilty” pleasures; pleasures should be enjoyed! But man am I a sucker for my dub/non-con, kidnapping, and yandere stories!

A trope you’ll never, ever write for.

I try to not to say “never” because i’m always open to inspiration, but i don’t see myself ever writing anything with pregnancy/babies

Wildest fic you’ve ever written?

I wrote this INSANE fic called “When Magic Meets Insanity” which is a threesome between Loki, Reader, and Jerome Valeska from Gotham. It’s crack to hell and is still available to read on my AO3. 

Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!)

Stucky. Always. They are my OTP and I love how fun it is to explore their relationship. Especially throwing Sam into the mix. 

Do you listen to anything while you write?

It mostly depends on what/who i’m writing, but yes! For example, I’ll listen to oldies stuff when I'm writing for Lee, and I have this GREAT Asgardian library ambience for writing Loki. 

One-shots or multi-chaptered works?

One-shots. 

Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them!

Not really, I sometimes imagine what happens after, but once a fic is done, I tend to just put it on a shelf and leave it. It’s why I hardly write sequels

Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try?

I long to write some really good multi-chaptered works, but I struggle with writing long term conflict and i’m worried they’ll be awkward and won’t read well. 

What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

The best comment I’ve ever gotten was on my fic Sunlight (Sun God!Steve) from tumblin-theworldaway. She wrote a big huge comment on the fic and it was like the first thing I saw on a monday morning and I needed a good comment. 

Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out?

I won’t say “comfort zone” but I wrote my first ever Monster Fucker fic not too long ago, “By Land or By Sea” about Sea Monster!Loki and it was defintely new and interesting to write! 

Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst?

Fluff, always. I’m always a sucker for happy endings (even dark happy endings lol)

Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them!

Sort of. I have a beauty and the beast style novel planned. The beast is a rich lobbyist for oil industries. And the beauty is an indigenous woman who meets the beast at a cabin in the woods. It’s still heavily in development and i’m not sure when it’ll come to fruition. 

If you could enter the universe of any one of your fics, which would it be and why?

“Teddy Bears” for sure. With slightly dark Bucky and Steve kidnapping me (is it kidnapping if i’m willing?? lol) and telling me I don’t have to work and they’ll take care of me? I’d be there in a heartbeat. 

Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

I always write stoned lol. I get a ton of creativity and inspiration from weed and it helps make the ideas flow. It just can take a while to interpret all my stoned ramblings sometimes. 

Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.

This is from my most recently published fic, the last fic in my Spooptober Collection, “To Someone from a Warmer Climate. The fic is about a witch!reader who is visited by a humble sheriff, Lee Bodecker. But he is more than meets the eye.

“Mmmmm…damn…That’s the best cup of coffee I’ve ever had. And I just love the taste of the forgetfulness potion you added.”  Your heart dropped into your stomach.                 “What did you say?” He didn’t answer, only leaning back in his chair. He blinked and where crystal blue eyes had seemed to make him handsome and rakish; now were two inky black pits. He blinked again and his eyes were human again, but now his irises were crimson red. You took a deep breath, trying to steady yourself. You’d dealt with a few lower-level demons in your travels, but never someone who you could walk through your house’s defenses so easily. Usually, any malevolent force was neutralized before it even touched your house. But he…he was something darker. “I’d heard about a pretty witch living out here in the woods.” Lee continued. “Thought it was just another one of them dippy mortals wearing peace signs. But then that little old lady came in, bringing some brownies she said you’d made. And when I tasted them, I knew for sure. There was a real little witch somewhere in town. “Though it took me a while to find ya, darling. All them wards and runes…you’ve kept yourself pretty well hidden. But when that same sweet little old lady called in, worried about her friend in the woods, I knew I’d found you and here you are. Hidden away from the world, cooking up spells your nose buried in a mountain of books. All that defensive magic and you opened the front door for me and invited me in. Silly girl.” His eyes raked over your body, studying you.

Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

Fanfiction writing has been some of the most fun writing I've ever had. I’ve loved writing for my whole life but sometimes it’s a struggle to write and create an entire cast/world. Fanfiction gives a helping hand to an entire gallery of characters with infinite possibilities. Not to mention the fact that based on “What if” logic, there is a multiverse out there where these fics really happen lol. I look forward to even more writing in the future, both fanfic and original. 

[vestaclinicpod]

Audio Drama Sunday - 20th August ✨

I must admit that I dedicated A LOT of listening hours this week to the new Hozier album (which is incredible omg) but I still had some great audio drama listening!

🌲@hellofromthehallowoods (129) What a fun break from episode convention! I’ve been highly suspicious of Nimbus from the start, and I feel vindicated that he’s not a normal cat as well as relieved that he doesn’t seem to be overtly malicious. I can’t relate to Nikignik’s dislike of felines, but it did really make me chuckle when it was revealed that all indescribables fear cats… Buddy, you can fear something without reviling it! Ough and the look-in on Jackie HURT MY FEELINGS so bad!! I can’t cope with sad dogs 🥺

🦀 @thesiltverses (30) TSV is back, babey!!! The sound design at the start of the episode was phenomenal, I loved the way they weaved music in with the sound effects in such a fluid way (the river sure does rise!) And oh man, Faulkner, you fucking idiot. They know!! They all know!!! It is such a delight to hear some of my favourite VAs doing their amazing work again. Méabh de Brún has absolutely annihilated me already. I’m obsessed with this discovery that the Trawlerman appears to still favour Carpenter while the Caring Maiden seems to slip away the more Carpenter seeks her. I should have started a S3 bingo because I was hoping so badly that Carpenter would join up with Hayward and Paige!! This season is going to be amazing. I’m so ready. 

📻 @monstrousagonies (108) Mab!! The queen returns! I am ever so slightly skeptical that Apocacorp is all bluster . . . I just feel like, even if that is the case, they’re not going away without more of a fight . . . 

🌒 @monkeymanproductions Moonbase Theta, Out (finale part 1) OHHHHH SHIT!!! It’s all kicking off on the moon!!!!! I love Alex’s sweet, sincere hopefulness in: ‘We’ve been through the end of so many things but we’re still here’ 💙 Isn’t that just it! I don’t want to give away the major spoiler because the ep only just dropped but oooohhhh my god! I was wondering if this might happen and wrote the idea off. This changes everything!! 

🎙 Welcome To Night Vale (232) HELL YES. I have been waiting literal YEARS to get into this business with the Desert Otherworld and its impact on my favourite scientist and the impact of both on my favourite community radio show host. My popcorn is ready, let’s get into it!!! 🍿

🤴I finished season one of InCo by @itmeblog! This is micro-scifi at its best and if you’re a fan of extensive single-person casts, InCo does it remarkably!! I'm really looking forward to seeing how the story develops!

🧬 Regina Prime (6) OOF I think this is one of the most intense episodes we’ve had yet! The acting was amazing in this one, Jess pulled out a full Youtuber apology and managed to keep that edge in her voice to give you the prickling sensation that something isn’t quite right. 

 💫 Wolf 359 (48) Ugh what an absolute mind fuck! I’ve been tying myself in knots trying to work out how I would personally react and cope if faced with a scenario where one of my friends is not the person I knew but is otherwise indistinguishable from them. And I just don’t know!

🎩 @ethicstownpod (8) AAH!! Ethics finale!!! This show has been a wild ride from start to finish and WOW what an ending!! I really don’t want to give anything away to people who haven’t listened yet but I’m almost ashamed that I didn’t see this coming and if you haven’t listened to Ethics you really really need to!!! 

🥾@doyoucopypod (6) More questions than answers from this episode of Do You Copy! What does Reese know?! What doesn’t like you listening?? What doesn’t like you listening?!??! 

🐬 More spectacularly odd @patterspod P Files! It’s fun to hear the obvious mistake being made and I’m really looking forward to Ryan facing the consequences of certain actions….

I hope everyone has a lovely week!

[calamari-minecraft-corner]

do you have any song recs for Wren vibes? because the amount I have in my playlist is criminally lackluster and I need more :,)

Hi yes hello I am running on three hours of sleep and I’m going to knock out at any moment BUT I do have some song recs as well as just songs wren canonically listens to!

-

In penpal I wrote that Wren is actually a Bastille fan— and she is! She loves Bastille, her favorites are Good Grief, Flaws, Icarus and Laura Palmer — but her favorite song of all time by them is WHAT YOU GONNA DO??? And I actually use that as her theme in Penpal! Also her favorite Bastille album is All This Bad Blood

Wren also defintiely listens to Hozier. She has a playlist full of hozier and she loves Arsonist’s Lullaby, Foreigner’s god, Work Song, Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene, and Someone New! Her favorite album is the Hozier album- but honestly if Unreal Unearth came out during the events of Penpal she would have that on repeat for a while (her faves would be Eat Your Young and Damage Gets Done)

-

NOW FOR SONG VIBES THAT REMIND ME OF WREN-

I’m gonna be real the music from the Smiths give me big Wren energy and I don’t know why HDJSSJ but the main one I think of is The Night Has Opened My Eyes. Second best song from them that reminds me of her is There Is a Light That Never Goes Out.

Another big song that’s a huge inspiration for Wren is My Alcoholic Friends by the Dresden Dolls. It honestly fits her mood as well as how she honestly feels when it comes to her alcoholism, especially throughout Penpal!

Also another good one is As Good A Reason by Paris Paloma. That song just really resonates Wren and her very spiteful and done nature tbh.

Canary in a coal mine by the crane wives is also a good one that’s her bc to me it just reminds me of her and Dream in the fic (platonic of course)

Unsweetened Lemonade by Amelie Farren is also a good spiteful song that reminds me of her!

We Don’t Believe What’s On TV, Goner, Message Man, Migraine, Implicit Demand For Proof, and Truce by twenty one pilots come to mind too with her :)

I could honestly go for hours on what songs fit Wren tbh DHDJSKSK but those are the main ones I think of c:

[wandringaesthetic]

Dear Hozier

I did the thing I threatened to and wrote a "Dear Hozier" (inspired by this podcast)

Dear Hozier,

When I listen to music I rarely give it my whole attention, a fact that might not make you too happy, as a musician and a songwriter. I listen while I’m cooking, or walking, or exercising, or driving. Among other things, the way I listen means I rarely process the lyrics of a song linearly from first notes and words to the last. This is even more true in recent years, when I very rarely have a physical copy of an album and therefore never pore over the liner notes. Often, I never really process the lyrics of a song at all, or I process snatches of it, often based on misheard lyrics that I don’t correct myself on for a hundred listens, if I correct myself at all.

But sometimes a section of the words catches my attention after dozens of listens and I actually read the whole of the words.

The lyrics that caught me in “First Time” were:

The first time that you kissed me I drank dry the river Lethe

The Liffy would have been softer on my stomach all the same

The first line sung with such soul, and the second: what is that? You’re not saying “Lethe” again. So I looked up the lyrics.

The Liffy, the river that runs through Dublin, muddy and polluted and inadvisable to drink from directly. Funny that I should recognize the name of a mythical river, the one that allegedly runs through the underworld and makes you forget, but not the name of a real river that runs through a real place, as far away as it is.

The song starts:

Remember once I told you about

How before I heard it from your mouth

My name would always hit my ears as such an awful sound?

Is that really how you feel about your name? The fact that you chose part of your last name as your stage name rather than your given name doesn’t feel like a coincidence. I have the luxury of feeling comfortable with my own given name, but my partner is in the process of changing theirs. I had the sense, even years ago when we first met, that the old name wasn’t quite right for them, but I became accustomed to it through use, and the new name doesn’t yet feel quite right either.

But you spoke some quick new music

(When I sing along the rhythm of this line sounds so different on my tongue than it does on yours. I’m from the Southeast United States, and have lived here most of my life, but so often you feel like you came from somewhere very near me and not from across an ocean. Perhaps via some sympathetic magic of blood or perhaps through the fact that you and I seem to have a similar relationship to religion, no longer believing in something that nonetheless left deep imprints on our psyche. but mostly, I think, you feel familiar via the soul musicians you were influenced by, some of whom tread dirt that I have trod. Yet sometimes I am reminded that you came from somewhere else, like in the way you pronounce “suffering” in this song, that “u” so Irish. “Suffering.”)

Even if I like my own name, I know the aberrant feeling of being called something that is subtly wrong. The chorus speaks, again and again, of someone calling you “baby,” something that I’ve always hated to be called by a romantic partner. I am not, in any sense, a child, or your child. Yet, I have allowed a couple of people to call me that, even after I asked them not to, because in the moment, as you say in the bridge…

Whatever keeps you around, it keeps you around

And in the second half of the first verse:

And the soul, if that's what you'd call it Uneasy ally of the body, it felt nameless as a river Undiscovered underground

Beyond the bad feeling of being called something you don’t want to be called is the stress of being called something you do want to be called. Not just your own name, but terms of endearment, pronouns, to be called mother, brother, or daughter, to be called a practitioner of your profession or even of your hobby. It all puts you in one box or another. It all creates expectations for you to fulfill. Do you ever want to be unseen, unspoken of? To not have to be anything? But of course such would mean death without ever really being alive.

The alternative is to be the flowers of second verse:

These days I think I owe my life

To flowers that were left here by my mother

Ain’t that like them, giftin’ life to you again

(The flowers, or your mother, Hozier? I imagine going through some awful breakup and the one bright point in your living space being that sort of small gift, falling back on your childhood and your blood relations when your chosen, adult relationships fail. I write this a couple of days after a mothers’ day when I didn’t get my own mother a gift, not flowers or anything else. I buy gifts I think the receiver might like when I happen across them but dislike desperately reaching for a bad gift for the sake of a hallmark holiday in the absence of any inspiration. I hope she understands this. I hope my regards are enough.)

This life lived mostly underground

Unknowin either sight nor sound

Till reachin’ up for sunlight just to be ripped out by the stem

Sensing only now it’s dyin’

Drying out, then drowning blindly

Bloomin’ forth its every colour

In the moments it has left

To share the space with simple living things

Infinitely suffering, but fighting off like all creation

The absence of itself

And before the chorus begins again, an almost offhand: anyway.

I can’t decide whether to call you a coward for that “anyway.” It feels a little too self-conscious, like, “yeah, yeah, I know. That was a lot, even for me, it’s just flowers in a vase.”

It is a lot, But Unreal Unearth is about the underworld, not just the journey through hell of the Inferno, but in dead and dying things being the soil of new life. Funeral flowers are one of humanities’ oldest rituals. There have been remains of cut flowers found with the remains of neanderthals. Which feels very beautiful and romantic, until you realize: it’s the smell. The flowers are there to mask the smell. Maybe it still feels beautiful and romantic. Maybe you’re taking a small life, the pretty corpse of a dying thing, to go with your loved one, to the grave and whatever lies beyond. That it’s a morbid gift doesn’t mean that it’s not a pretty one.

Anyway.

[undercoverwarlock]

Microfic: Dear Harry

I have written letters to you for years.

Even before I knew you, when I was just a boy in love with a Hero who had to hide these words away from a father who plotted against you behind closed doors. You were, in my child mind, larger than life, wielding your wand like St George wielded his sword against the dragon. How was I to know that day the scruffy boy with wild black hair and bright, bright eyes was the Hero I'd loved?

And all those years we hated each other, spat curses and bruised flesh when the violence of our emotions grew teeth and wings and breathed fire into a war years in the making - even then, I wrote to you. Sometimes the words were sharpened with vitriol, or dripping with venomous condemnation, but sometimes - sometimes I wrote desperate pleas to you, to whoever would listen, for relief, for forgiveness, for the blessing of your love. These letters I burned in the dead of night, used to watch the fire consume them while stifling my tears with shaking hands. I told myself I loved the idea of a Hero, not you, never you. It was easier to lie, I'd found.

For years no honest words left my lips. I wrapped myself in so many layers of deceit that I forgot I was anything else. The world that had borne me wanted a dragon, so a dragon I became. But the truth was I was like you - just a boy. You could kills me with a word. And instead of letting me consumed by a fire of my own making - if not by my hand, by the hand of one I'd dragged into darkness with me - you lifted me up out of the blaze.

After, while waiting for a trial by hypocritical peers who publicly condemned what they themselves had brought about, I wrote to you. I asked you to give me back what you took - my wand, my childhood, my heart rendered unrecognisable after all this time. I wrote and wrote and wrote. I asked for absolution, but crossed out the words, knowing it was futile. Who would listen now?

I found those letters again, years later, as I cleaned out my rooms in the Manor. Pages and pages written by a fearful hand, an epistolary diary of our lives, entangled from the start. I give them all to you now, with this last letter, asking once more for your forgiveness. I am sorry for what I have wrought, for the damage I have caused, for the lies and for the awful truth. I am sorry, so sorry. Please forgive me.

When you find this, delivered to your doorstep, I will be gone. Maybe one day, you will look for me. And maybe, one day, I will let you find me.

-

not for any particular prompt, but vaguely inspired by Hozier’s new album, “Unreal Unearth.” Enjoy!

[theprodigypenguin]

Decided to listen to the new Hozier album while I wrote and now I'm fucked up.

[schrijverr]

for the writer’s wrapped: 3, 20, 27, 29, and 30:)

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless kudos/hits)?

Oehh, that's a hard one, I like all my works (bc i am very egotistical haha), but I am most proud of I Found Myself a Cheerleader and The Queer Lives of the Party-verse. I've finally been getting into writing longer works and I'm proud of managing longer stories, as well as experimenting with how to tell a story :D

20. Which work of yours have you reread the most?

Well, probably I Found Myself a Cheerleader, but mostly bc I had to edit that to hell and back as I posted/wrote it lmao. For my own enjoyment, though? I think it has to be My Stabwound, Not Our Stabwound from this year.

27. What do you listen to while writing?

Okay, so if you're wondering why my work is Like That lmao, I have a playlist that I called 'Melancholy & Sad Feels' for when I write, but I also listen to the Howl's Moving Castle soundtrack, the LOTR soundtrack (specifically the Two Towers) and this year a bit of Hozier's new album, but mostly my sad feels playlist lmao xp

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

Oef that's a difficult one! I think, I really like this bit of internal monologue from Religion of the All in the One:

He’s not brave enough to have other s question his Truth. The Truth that took his limbs and Al’s body, meaning that It still has them and It is the only thing that can give them back. Ed can’t waver in that belief, but putting it into words makes him sound insane. It’s better to be an atheist, who has a disdain for religion than a religious nut, who looks down on other religions, because he has proof of his God.

Because Ed and his realtionship to Truth is so fascinating to me and I do really like this take on him :D

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

That I managed to keep it up honestly haha, I thought for sure that it would be a slow year, because I have gotten my BA with an extra minor and have now started my master. I thought I would drown in work and not be able to indulge my hobby, but it's been a great stress relief and I've actually never written as much as I have this year (guess I really, really needed that stress relief lmao), which I'm very happy about, because I've had so many lovely interactions this year that have kept me going <333

~

Thank you so so much for this ask, I really enjoyed looking back on the year and reflecting. I hope you have a wonderful day <3

[3terna15unshin3]

heyyyy bffs i feel like none of u know anything about me so here’s a little introduction post 🥰 open if u dare

🚨REAL LIFE MARCEY-LORE !!!🚨

To begin here is a Dreadful Face Reveal. Will probably end up deleting these after a bit just so the real ones can know me and then i can go back into hiding😌

the other pics are just ones i found in my camera roll of my room and things i like and that i feel like are the most me!

Okay now random facts

★ I’m Marcey J, 22, and use she/they pronouns :)))

★ Currently in college 👎 my major is Mathematics (ew)

★ I’m from the US but have constantly moved around my whole life, lots of my family is up in Canada so i spent a ton of time this summer there! but right now i’m in Minnesota. go Vikings (jk i am Gay and don’t want sports)!

★ speaking of gay i am very much queer/bi and have been out to my friends for a long time. but i’ve only just recently come out to my family because I am seeing a girl 😌

★ i’m very new to Tumblr and only made this blog in may i think? just to upload TBSG and find more fics since i used to only read and upload on AO3

★ before that, maybe since like 2018, stan twitter has been my home which I still frequent but i feel like that meme of the guy talking at a brick wall on there😭😭 which is why i love it so much here bc y’all are so nice and welcoming and interactive

★ I first found The 1975 back in 2013 when R5 did a cover of Girls… LOL. was a huge fan all through iliwys and the very beginning of abiior but then fell off.. So i missed the whole MFC era but pretty much still consistently listened to self titled and iliwys while they happened. Then being funny came out and i got sucked back in and HAD to catch up on everything!!

★ This is truly the strongest obsession i’ve had in so long like it was 0-100 i could not bear to listen to anything else😭 Fr i just checked and they jumped from my 29th most listened to artist up to #1 in less than two months back in 2022 .. god i need help

★ fav album is Notes

★ fav 75 songs atm are Be My Mistake, Happiness, Pressure, Frail State Of Mind, She’s American, Then Because She Goes (obviously), Pressure, The Birthday Party, You, and She Lays Down

★ my other favourite musicians are Hozier, HAIM, Taylor, beabadoobee, MUNA, Charli XCX, FIZZ, Lizzy McAlpine, boygenius, 5SOS, and Caroline Polachek

★ I’m also a very big bookworm! i work at a bookstore which is why i wrote TBSG it’s my fantasy…

★ Some recent fav reads are Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin, God Is Dead by Nietzsche, Sirens & Muses by Antonia Angress, Body Grammar by Jules Ohman, and The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion :))

★ i collect vinyl! it’s so fun! i only have 52 in my collection rn since it is a sickness that eats up all of my money

Anyway that’s it, thank u for reading i hope it wasn’t a complete bore! Please pls pls send me a message if u ever wanna chat i love meeting new ppl and am always down to get to know u better!!!!!!

XO Marcey 🌟🌟💖💖💖💖

[beefrobeefcal]

Well hello there, Beefro! I hope your cold is still improving (and you didn't swap the NyQuil and DayQuil today, unless you wanted the nap)! 😉

For the writing ask game, I'd like to submit #29 and/or #35. Let's hear what you like/what you're proud of! 😊

Hugs and sinus-cleansing vibes,

Reby💜

You're such a gem, Reby!

Thank you @rebel-held - I am doing better and have so far not mixed up any medication! I've avoided daytime napping like a champ for nearly 48 hours - go me! 💜😘🥩👌

What’s something about your writing that you’re proud of?

I think the fact that I wrote it, posted it and interacted with those who read it makes me proud. I know that tummies and eating can be a taboo subject, and prior to this, you could not have pulled a conversation about it out of me. But now, I'm feeling it.

I'm also hella proud of my writing in general. I'm trying not to pump my own tires here! But when I do go back and read what I've done (while ignoring the typos lol), I tell myself I'm a good egg and did a good job.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve posted?

Now that's a toughie because some I like because of how well I feel I did on them and others are because of the reception I got.

Example: I love Baby's Got a Temper because i felt very inspired and ready to just tell that story. I liked the process of writing it and I felt I executed it well (go ahead and read me in the comments if you disagree), and I felt like this was a fic I would have bookmarked if I came across it in the wild.

On the other hand, The Way to a Man's Heart was not as easy of a writing process and was really the first one i struggled with. I was hesitant to post it because i wasn't truly happy with where it landed (mainly due to the fluff it had and the fact that I was listening to Hozier's new album and feeling feels), but reception for it was OFF THE CHARTS! I've grown to appreciate it and now it's one of my favs.

Hope that answers your questions, Reby! Adore and appreciate you!

Smuttiest regards,

Beefro 👌🥩💜

[royal-songbird]

I, Carrion (Icarian)

wrote a silly little thing with gay people bcus i cannot stop listening to hoziers new album and needed to do something about it <3 uhh this is also vaguely inspired by those like... medusa x blind woman stories Word Count : 603

“We can’t keep doing this.” She murmurs, her voice barely above a whisper and her gaze downcast.

“Doing what?” “This.” 

I follow her gaze, down to our hands, intertwined. Her thumb brushes over my calloused palm, a frown tugging at her lips. The touch sends sparks through my veins, and I feel giddy with it, even with the melancholy hanging heavy in the air like a suffocating fog.

“Why? Why can’t we?” I ask, curling my fingers around her’s. Her frown deepens, and her golden brown eyes shine in the candlelight, glimmering with unshed tears.

“You’ve heard the stories. You’ve heard what I am.” “I have.” “Then you know I cannot be loved. I do not deserve it.” She breathes, her voice trembling. My heart aches, and I place my other hand against her cheek, pressing my palm against the chill of her too-cold skin. Her gaze lifts, and I meet it with a quiet smile, even as her eyes glow a bit too bright against the dark. 

“If you are unlovable, then I would not be here, darling.” I swipe my thumb over her cheek, rubbing away the few stray tears staining her face. 

“But… I’m not like you.” I will outlive you, she doesn’t say, but I hear regardless. She turns her face into my hand, her voice going quieter.  “There are others. Ones who arent… Ones that can make you happy.”

“I’m happy here.” I lean forward, tilting her head so she meets my gaze. “I am happy with you, and only you.” “But what of the town? What will you do if they find out? If they outcast you?” “I’d rather spend a lifetime as an outcast if it meant I could be by your side.” I whisper, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. Her face scrunches up, tears rolling steadily down her cheeks. Her shoulders shake with barely constrained sobs, and she doesn’t resist as I pull her close, resting her head against my chest.

Her hands grab my clothes, too-sharp nails digging into the fabric. I hold her tightly, pressing my nose against her curly hair.

“I love you.” I mutter, rocking both of us side to side as she breaks, broken, wailing sobs tumbling from her chest as she clings to me. “I love you, and that will never change.”

“What- What if I’m not enough? What if I can’t return that love?” “Then I will love you, regardless. You could cast me aside, you could take a knife to my throat, and my devotion to you would never waver.” 

“Do you promise?” She whispers, her voice shaking with a frail sort of hope. I tighten my grip around her, love and adoration surging through me with the intensity of a tidal wave. I think, not for the first nor last time, how I possibly could’ve been so lucky to find her, and be given the chance to keep her.

“Yes. Always. I swear to the very stars.” I reply, every ounce of love I hold for her spilling past my lips and into the air around us. “I promise, I will always love you.” She cries, soaking my shirt through with snot and tears, but I don’t mind, merely cradling her close to my chest, whispering quiet words of reassurance. I make up my mind then, sitting with my love in my arms in a quiet, candlelight room. This is where I want to stay, until the end of eternity. The town has nothing to offer to me anymore, not while all I could ever want was right here. 

I refuse to leave again. 

[alaawritesablog]

Songs of My Life: Minova

Minova is an indie-pop musician based in the UAE, born and raised in the extremely multi-cultural city of Abu Dhabi, and it's safe to say how they got to that place is an incredibly interesting story. After we recorded our podcast, I had the pleasure of having Minova explain the tracks that are important to them and helped form their musical journey.

Empire State of Mind by Jay-Z & Alicia Keys

I would listen to the radio on my way to school and this would always be the song playing, I guess it reminds me of simpler times. I'd just go to school, come back and play with my toys then go to bed, wake up and do it over again the next day. I didn't have much to worry about and one of the things that stuck with me was the music that played around that time.

Listening to music was a big part of my childhood, especially with MTV being popular, and Radio One was also a big thing. They played genuinely good music at the time. this song is very catchy, and I remember singing along to it with my family, most likely during karaoke.

Riptide by Vance Joy

My school didn’t really have a music teacher, and the only time we have anything to do with music was when I brought my guitar in. Riptide was one of the songs that my class and I would sing every time I brought my ukulele or guitar in. it was just a nice environment because everybody got to bond together through music. It was especially fun to sing along to because everybody knew the lyrics. 

Where’s My Love by SYML

This song was a major part of my guitar-learning journey. at first, I started with the basic chords then I went on to finger-picking. As a result, I started listening to different types of music to learn guitar parts. That’s how I came across this song, and other artists, like Hozier. I fell in love with the melodies and the style of guitar playing. I spent a lot of my childhood learning and expanding on my hobbies and interests like guitar and music in general. 

Everything about this song from the atmosphere to the lyrics to the melody to the fingerpicking pattern is so beautiful, and it inspired me to learn how to make this type of music, music from the indie genre. I have some unreleased music that I wrote to try to emulate this sound. 

The songs in this playlist are not just about my life, but they also represent my musical journey as that is a large portion of my life. I like to stay at home and learn new things in music so I don’t have many experiences in music outside of my house.

Jealous by Labrinth

Learning the guitar evolved into wanting to learn the piano. Jealous is such a beautiful song about a beautiful topic, and the way Labrinth sings on top of the piano parts just made me crave playing the piano again. Before I learned chords, before I learned anything else, I learned how to play the beginning of this song. 

Where Did I Go? by Jorja Smith

After going through my piano phase, I started listening to a bunch of different songs from different genres and that's how I found Jorja Smith and just… wow. The first song of hers that I listen to was On My Mind, and after that, I dove headfirst into her music and her albums. I found Where Did I Go? and it blew my mind. everything from her voice to the atmosphere of her music just amazed me. I was just astonished at the sound she was able to create and the creativity behind it, along with her other tracks. This song got me to start listening to other R&B artists such as Mahalia, Daniel Caesar & Frank Ocean. 

Dræm Girl by No Vacation

After listening to R&B-type music for a while, I got back into indie, but this time the music was a little bit different and it's more on the indie/bedroom pop side of things. This was when I started figuring out the sound I wanted to do. i started playing major 7ths, major 9ths and other jazz chords. I also started getting more into indie by listening to artists like Men I Trust and Clairo and all of those indie artists. 

Rings by Pinegrove

I usually associated the use of major chords with pop music, but Pinegrove amazed me with their ability to create such an indie sound without using jazz chords. I didn't think it was possible before coming across more music like theirs. They've had such a huge influence on my music. They manage to create such a balance between all of the different sounds they explore and keep it feeling so indie. A big reason why I love Pinegrove, and really all indie music, regardless of how well it was mixed and mastered, is that it doesn’t have to be that way for it to be considered good. People like it not because of the quality of the recording, but because of the quality of the music itself.

The French Library by Franz Gordon

At this point in my life, I started getting back into Piano, and as a result, I got more into modern classical music. The French library is a dark piano theme and the reason why I fell in love with it is that the feeling it gives me is indescribable. as soon as I listen to it for the first time I fell in love in a way that I cannot explain. 

Colpevole by Nicola Arigliano

As I’m currently learning Italian, I wanted to indulge myself in the Italian language. A great way to do that is by immersion. I chose the method of listening to music and one of the Italian artists I stumbled across was Nicola. This song's production and quality are immaculate, but the thing that hooked me the most about this song in this artist, in particular, is how much he reminded me of an Italian Frank Sinatra. His voice’s smoothness feels like butter but what makes this song, in particular, great for learning Italian is how I can understand every single word he says.

Burning Hour by Jadu Heart

Now we go back to indie! The artist I collaborated with for my earlier songs, Yajin, was the one that introduced me to this band. A lot of their music inspired the way that he produces and makes music. When he asked me to collaborate on sanity, I immediately fell in love with the sound and vibe of the track, which was very inspired by Jadu Heart. Jadu Heart, and Yajin, are so incredibly talented.

Logiche by Altea & specchiopaura

As I mentioned before, I am still learning Italian. I found out about this artist by trying to find the same music that I listen to in English, but in Italian, I found Altea and her track Logiche. The energy and the vocals match the atmosphere and production so extremely well. Her music is so similar to that of Jadu Heart and this song is actually my favourite at the moment.

[xandromedan]

AO3 WRAPPED RAGHH tagged by @scattered-winter <3

Q: how many words have you written this year?

A: probably in the 50k-100k range but I haven't been counting

Q: how many works have you published this year?

A: three! ...I think

Q: what work are you most proud of?

A: oh gosh, probably my trc00q au which I haven't finished, probably will never finish, and will definitely (probably) never post

Q: what work of yours has the most hits?

A: continues to be vermillion! we're almost at 50k hits which is CRAZY to me

Q: favourite title you used?

A: "art theft is the sexiest crime" and "dr sexy", neither of which have been posted

Q: which artist have you pulled the most from?

A: definitely depends. ive listened to a LOT of mac miller this year (top 0.005%) but in terms of inspiration probably hozier with the new album

Q: pairing you wrote the most for this year?

A: still making a foray into slash, but almost certainly ghostsoap

Q: favourite pairing you wrote for this year?

A: how could i possibly pick?? jk it's eliot/hardison/parker

Q: what work was the quickest to write?

A: in terms of what got published, "soaked in"

Q: what work took you the longest to write?

A: in terms of what got published, still "my heart lept from me". in terms of what hasn't, i'm still working on so many that i don't think any of them are the definitive longest

Q: what is your longest fic of the year?

A: "my heart lept from me"

Q: shortest fic of the year?

A: "soaked in"

Q: favourite character you wrote this year?

A: um. all of them? ronan lynch, though. he's my little guy.

Q: one pairing you want to explore more next year?

A: ALL OF THEM. but seriously, i want to write more in 2024, i think that's something that was missing this year. i've been leaning into hannibal pretty aggressively so that will definitely have something happen, but maybe john/rodney and more of the leverage ot3 too.

Q: how many kudos in total did you get this year?

A: 1463 <3

Q: which work has the most comments:

A: still vermillion!

Q: did you do any collaborative works this year?

A: no

Q: most common category?

A: gen. next year...we'll see ;)

Q: what do you listen to while writing?

A: anything and everything.

Q: favourite line/passage you wrote this year?

A: "I awake as a child every new year / At midnight, asleep, and at dawn / Every year I have ever lived catches up to me / And runs ahead"

We would tag all the same people but anyone who wants to do it can use me for reference <3