#wrote out some prose for it

[six-white-venus]

What can you do when you hate every word that comes out of your mouth with a burning passion? When nothing you say ever feels right? When all of your words feel like lies, even though they’re not?

Because they’re not, right? …right?

[ranticore]

does revelation return wildfires feelings

It's Complicated

[softgirlstudio]

what they don’t tell you about starting to heal after a traumatic event is that you will meet past versions of yourself in everything you do

like i find myself looking at posts i made before the crash and i used to be so invested in stuff that frankly doesn’t matter anymore, it’s almost like someone else wrote it. i literally don’t feel connected to that girl anymore even though its me.

everything seemed so simple and delicate then. now it’s like i’ve been given this ball and chain of grief and trauma to drag with me everywhere. i used to feel like a human but now i just feel like a husk of a person

[zenmai--jikake--no--komoriuta]

MiqoMarch'24, Day #7: - light -

A bit of a different take on this prompt, today is all about sin eater D'nyr from the point of view of an alternate timeline where he really did become a Lightwarden!

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀- observations log. 1/5/XX, day.?? - ……..thus the creature was bestowed the title of Forgiven Temperance by its former allies, following the meaning of self-sacrifice and asceticism; excessive restraint/repression of one’s self for others benefit. At his core, one can suppose that this was both his fatal flaw and driving virtue! The poor soul… To date, nobody knows for sure what the beast fully looks like, not even those who fled the site of its transformation at the depths of The Tempest! It has scarcely budged from its initial location a few moons ago… obvious logistical reasoning aside, only a scant few exploration teams have had the wherewithal to venture down there past the safety of the Ondo's dwellings. Reports have led us to believe that the creature is covered in sharp spines and has monstrously large "claw-hands" (as it was described), or possibly some sort of scorpion-like tail as well? Its profile is unclear and hard to make out in the murk from such a distance, but one thing is unanimously clear; all of our teams have fled after seeing what they claimed to be "horrifying gold eyes" staring back at them! Yet the beast has not once given chase upon sighting our researchers, which is just as unsettling as it is perplexing… Due to the unique constraints inherent to its location, we are at present unable to cull the Lightwarden and return the night to the region of Kholusia. Mercifully, its light has not pierced anywhere else due to the sheer distance from the water's surface acting as a convenient attenuating filter, but one could surmise that if the beast were to emerge then all of Norvrandt would be under light pall again… its effect on the populace is quite clear: residents have responded with equal levels of fear and also apathy to this situation, as while some are content to live their lives as they had been before (with the beast effectively "out of sight and out of mind" and therefore not a problem), others are starting to become fearful of the ocean entirely (a complicated notion, due to their relative proximity at all times to it)! Disquieting rumors have started to spread amongst fishermen and sailors alike, that if you venture too close to the ocean you'll be dragged under by the Lightwarden, never to be seen again… though one would hope most people would question how bogus this sounds-- if you'll excuse me interjecting my own personal opinion... at this juncture I simply cannot see the Lightwarden ascending from the briny deep just to prey on hapless passersby when it has showed absolutely no inclination towards moving from even just one single spot-- it has nonetheless had a noticeable impact on the region's imports and exports of fish, so now we must find an effective way to quell the people's terror to rectify the economic impacts alongside dealing with the creature too………..

------ (as a bonus, have the rough draft of his Lightwarden trial encounter under the cut! because I am sad it will never get to see the light of day otherwise and I was proud of the concept years ago lmao)

CONCEPT: . Overall theme is “the breaking down of appearances to reveal what was always there, but hidden away”-- stage and boss both change per phase to reflect this, going from a more idealistic “this is what the WoL as a sin-eater would look and fight like” to a “ohhh god what is that that’s not the WoL anymore” . Mechanics are based around D’nyr’s repressed feelings towards others (loneliness, anger/the need to lash out sometimes, not always saying how he feels, his dislike of others putting him on a pedestal, etc.) and the world at large (eg. the fragility of life, futility of some things, etc.) and his unfulfilled hopes and wants (to live unfettered by responsibility to the world, to settle down with a family of his own someday, etc.)

PHASE 1: . Certain mechanics grant a stacking buff to the boss (Fervent Denial), which is necessary to progress the fight! These mechanics have an interrupt bar and represent the feelings and things that D’nyr has repressed-- if the cast is interrupted, the buff will not be given, increasing the flat % of damage taken from the ultimate attack at the end of the next phase [it's calculated based on the damage dealt to the boss in the first phase (% thresholds that indicate how much it weakens the overall ult damage by), as well as the actual phase progress bar (below 80% is no extra damage, at 80-90% it is +3% extra damage, 90-99% an 5% extra damage, and 100% a flat wipe)] . In a meta sense, the only way to put him down for good is to damage him when he is at his most vulnerable (ie, his final form), and the only way to get him to show that is to let him go berserk and not deny him the things he’s been disallowing himself all this time-- as D’nyr at his core would never allow himself these actions, it causes a “breakdown” of the mask (literally, the bosses’ one too [he has a blank slate mask with a golden kintsugi X like D'nyr's scar, for context]) and internal walls holding him back, fracturing his perceived sense of self and causing him to shift into a form that represents all of these denied things, which is what truly needs to be destroyed/purified! . Normal mode has 7 chances to grant Fervent Denial giving some leeway for mistakes (the buff stacks cap at 5 however, so it is not possible to get 7 stacks despite there being opportunities to do so), but Extreme only has the exact 5 chances needed to progress! If players have not let the boss reach at least 5 stacks by the time the hard-enrage longcast goes out, the party will wipe. . Fervent Denial also slightly increases damage dealt by the boss, so he will gradually hit harder and harder over time, plateauing right before the phase change. . After the boss uses its phase-shift move (what would normally be the yet-unnamed hard-enrage longcast), the stacking buff will disappear and the boss will become untargetable, beginning the DPS check phase.

DPS CHECK: . Unfinished from here on out-- but basically beating up… some kind of add, and while you do that the boss' mask slowly cracks with bright light before shattering into his second form and unleashing his ultimate attack (he becomes more agitated and spiny-looking but I never finished designing any of his forms so just imagine the possibilitiiiiies)

PHASE 2 & 3: . To be continued……. or not! maybe someday :')

[cheeto-flavoured-pasta]

It’s the little things. Well, in your eyes, they’re the little things, but to me, they mean so much. You came out to your parents, even though you say it wasn’t that hard and they were cool about it anyway. You went to therapy — begrudgingly, because you haven’t had a good experience with it in the past, but you powered through the struggle nonetheless, even if it’s just another boring Friday for you. You figured out how to paraphrase that explanation on your math homework, or passed that test, or did something, anything. And my heart rings out with four echoing words: I’m proud of you.

So, so proud of you. 

And maybe you wouldn’t get why. Maybe I just love the feeling of celebrating someone else. Maybe I just get excited too easily. Maybe I care too much. Maybe it’s annoying. Maybe I’m not used to hearing that praise from a friend, so I try shower it as much as I can on others because I know it hurts when you’re deprived of something like that. When you’re deprived of companionship. When you’re alone. When you haven’t had a single friend in years up until now and you’ve struggled for so long to open up to anyone else. 

Have I done anything special? Maybe. I don’t know. Probably not. You probably wouldn’t think I have. And maybe I’d think the same thing. Is there anything about me that I can be proud of? Is there anything you even like about me? Do I even matter? You have so many friends. Am I just another one to you, unlike how you’re everything to me? 

Maybe, at the end of the day, after all the banter and vulgar teasing and energetic moments, when I say “I’m proud of you” I don’t just mean that I’m proud of you. Maybe I’m also saying that I love you. And I know those three words are always associated with significant others, because society likes to prioritize the romantic over the platonic when both are valuable; blah blah blah; you’ve heard me rant about this before. But why can’t I reclaim it anyway? Why can’t I tell my friends that I love them?

But even if it was normalized, maybe it’ll still be weird to you anyway. Maybe you’d brush it off, much like you do now. Maybe you’d cringe. Maybe you’d laugh. Maybe you’d never say it back. 

And maybe, just maybe, I’ll still sit in the corner, wondering the same thing over and over.  

Are you proud of me like I am of you?

Do you love me like I love you?

[juno-infernal]

so i’ve been sketching out plans to do a little bookbinding project— a handwritten compilation of some of my all-time favorite poems, thematically arranged. maybe illustrated a little too.

unfortunately i feel like this task is slightly cursed, because the last 2 times i actually got down to work on similar projects (more scrapbook-y things with letters, journal excerpts, + my own poetry as well), the person i was making them for almost immediately broke up with me. both times!! if i do this one for me do you think i’ll break up with myself :/

[bejeweledmp3]

computer how do i stop feeling insecure on my writting so that can i write. computer please

[bread-making-vikings]

I'm looking forward to getting to forge of darkness but ngl the path to ascendancy books are taking too much of the mystery away from the malazan series - like it's cool to see kellanved and dancer goof about but it feels like it's just checking off names people recognise, even when it contradicts stuff we know about Whiskeyjack and Dujek (for example) just to have them be there at the start?? I'd much rather each book skip ahead a decade or something, and focus on stuff we barely even heard about before, not just "oh you remember that really cool thing we hinted at? yeah here it is laid out pretty prosaically".

Idk if it's Ian Esslemont, bc from the two (2) of his empire books I've read I really enjoy his writing style and think it meshes well, but they're just kinda draining a lot of the magic out. Things like the Tiste Edur and K'chain Che'malle are talked about as slightly niche but common knowledge, and it's just a bit lame?

[estherkae]

june 10

i don’t remember the last time i’ve been okay. but maybe my okay is less than i expect or think it should be.

your poetry isn’t about me when i think it is. a crow woke me up early this morning and i laid in bed for longer than i should’ve. i think i was waiting for you, maybe i wanted you to call or maybe i wanted to turn around and just find you there. my mom was doing laundry and folding socks. i didn’t say your name when i woke up because i knew you wouldn’t hear it even if you had been there or on the phone. the tree with arms is still and not silent and not moving.

my dad left the garage light on two days ago and i don’t know how to turn it off. i’m mad at you. i’m mad at everyone. i’m insecure. i miss my boyhood. i miss my girlhood. i don’t remember the last time i’ve been okay and not falling.

[tangledinink]

From the ask game - 9. Do you write every day? If you wrote today, share a sentence of what you’ve written!

Okay. Uhmmmm. So you guys trust me, right?

This was technically written today because I wrote it at 2AM lol.

As for writing every day, no, not necessarily! I think taking breaks it honestly pretty important. Literary roleplay has been a hobby of mine for a while now, though, so if I'm in a good group then I really will write every day, lmao. And if I'm in a writing mood I'll work on TMWN just about every day-- but I also definitely take days off!

[covenofthearticulate]

expanding my valentine’s day drabble because i can’t stop thinking about it but i genuinely have no idea which option to go with for the ending because on the one hand I was Lestat to get to try out the vibrator and it’s marvelous and Louis gets all sappy (and turned on) just watching him feel good. But on the other hand I think it would be hilarious if they have all this lovely foreplay and get all sensual and romantic but then Lestat forgot to charge/get batteries for the vibrator because he’s a fucking Dumbass

[ojirocardigansniper]

there is no drug like goingback and rereading your poetry and realizing how good and tastey a piece was. (amazed) Oh fuck i forgot i was good at this

[wayfaringauthorofficial]

I live with ghosts. Walking through this town, I keep my eyes peeled for new ones, but they always take me by surprise. Maybe too many things have happened to me and it's a sign. but of what? What do the ghosts and dark spells want me to do? I wish I knew. Maybe my life would make a little more sense. Maybe I would stop wandering through these crowded streets, looking as alone as I feel.

Do they know what goes on inside my head? The dreams that jerk me out of the deepest sleep, no matter what time it is? Sometimes, I try to guess if birds or crickets will greet me. Most dawns, I'm wrong. I jolt awake into silence, a new sort of nightmare that tries to plague me. And it sucks me right back in like I'm under a spell that I can't break. If I do, I might forget how to be.

My mother always tells me to be myself, to ask myself who I am. But I do. I ask myself that question every day, as I bury my nose in books jus trying to feel something that might make me appear normal again. I didn't want to be this way, didn't look to be the girl no one believed in. but that's who I woke up as one day, trapped in a stranger's body. When will I get my life back? when will I be able to know who I am again?

Sometimes, I ask the stars or the rabbits that stare at me. but if they answer back, I can't understand. We don't speak the same language or live the same lives. Sure, we're both hunted. Both are perceived as weak, helpless things... but this creature fears the barrel of a gun. I fear the hands that threaten to snatch me away in the dark. A man who sneers as he preys upon a girl he swears he can't resist, that he'll love and cherish, forever keeping her locked away from the world.

[copperbadge]

Recently I ran across an article about an art center that was doing creative expression classes for people with disabilities. Not that unusual, I've encountered that and trauma-oriented art therapy before, but it was the first time I'd come across the idea since getting diagnosed with ADHD. While the class was aimed more at high-needs disabilities, it occurred to me that I could -- if I wanted -- make non-prose art about being disabled.

Outside of my work in scene design I've never been much of a visual artist because I've never felt I had the combination of "something to say" and "a meaningful way to say it", but I started to question how meaningful and complex I really had to be to just make some statements about having ADHD. I can do it in prose, after all.

So I started thinking about how you would talk, in visual language, about things like time blindness, shame stemming from undiagnosed disability, the shift in behavior that medication can induce. Ways to express my condition to people who don't experience it. I still didn't really know how to build the pieces but whenever I went to an art museum I'd think about how I might do a gallery installation. The centerpiece of my mental gallery was a pair of barcodes, one marked "Neurotypical" and one marked "Neurodivergent".

[ID: An interior view of a small booklet, with pages marked 1 and 2, showing barcodes -- on the left, labeled Neurotypical, and on the right, in slightly weirder configuration, labeled Neurodivergent.]

And then I thought, why not make a zine? Nothing you're thinking of couldn't be put in zine form instead of on a gallery wall.

[ID: The booklet continues to pages 3 and 4; on page 3 is a postage-style label reading AUTISM with up arrows on either side, and on page 4 is a QR code labeled ADHD. The QR code technically should work but it just dumps a block of text I wrote about having ADHD into a browser.]

I grew up with zine culture in the 90s and I always wanted to make one but much like with visual art, I never felt like I had the right kind of thing to say; either I had too much to say or too little, and anyway I wasn't confident that what I wanted to do wouldn't just come off as trite and obvious. But you can make a six-page zine out of a single sheet of paper, so I did: I made Helpful Labels For Strange Brains by idab zines, a division of Extribulum Press. (i--dab is a term for a cuneiform tablet that contains a royal communication.)

[ID: The last two pages feature the same image -- a cereal bowl with a spoon in it, the spoon containing a single Adderall pill. One image, however, is captioned "Wake up. Pour yourself a cup of iced coffee. Fix a bowl of cereal. It's going to be a good day." while the other is covered in a detailed ADHD-style step-by-step process for the same actions, culminating in "It's going to be a day like that."]

I'm pretty pleased with how it came out -- the art all looks intentional and it still has that "taped this together after school" aesthetic I remember fondly from the 90s. And the confines of six pages, each only a few inches square, offers a good structure to keep things clear, simple, and meaningful.

[ID: The cover of the zine, labeled "Helpful Labels For Strange Brains" in a kind of esoteric stampy font.]

Especially nice is that if you wanted to you could just hand out the flat sheet, and let folks fold it into a booklet or not -- there's instructions for folding it on the back of the zine. Additionally I have some sticker backed printer paper so I could print it such that you could literally turn the labels into real labels.

Anyway if you want it, here ya go. You can print it on a single sheet of paper and follow the instructions on the back to fold it. I thought about selling it but I do not have the spoons to do a bunch of printing and folding and shipping.

[cursecuelebre]

Top Recommendations for Norse Pagans that aren’t Problematic.

There is a lot of books by people who are racist and part of far right side of Heathenry and I’m going to try my best and list the books I have that helped me on my path that isn’t problematic and have questionable intentions. Books and YouTube channels.

Anglo Saxon Socerery and Magic by Alaric Albertson. He is very knowledgeable in his work and path especially on runes which includes the rune poem to make your own interpretation and witchcraft side of things. He even talks about the Elves which I appreciate because not a lot of Norse authors talk about them. It’s more Germanic than Norse but I can’t see any problem adopting certain aspects since they are very similar. I will say he does take himself a bit serious at times but his information is so good and worthwhile. I have not read his first book on Travels through middle earth but it focus on more the pagan side.

Poetic Edda and Prose Edda: it’s what every Norse pagan needs. It’s the foundation of Norse paganism not bibles but myths and tales that can help along our journey. There is tons of translations, but my favorites are Dr. Jackson Crawford Poetic Edda and Anthony Fawkes Prose Edda. But look into other sagas as well like Volsung which Dr Jackson Crawford also wrote about.

Beowulf. More of a Germanic tale but again includes it has roots of Germanic sorcery, traditions, religion like the concept of Wyrd (Fate), the runes, and values within his society like loyalty and mythical creatures. Again there is many translations even Jrr Tolkien did a incompleted version of Beowulf but I think Tom Shippey finished that version I could be wrong. Nonetheless explore more than one, the oneI have is by Seamus Heaney.

Grimm Fairy Tales this mostly German Folklore but it’s still quite important to learn about in German folk magic, creatures and entities in German folklore tends to be very real to the practitioner in their spellwork.

The Way of Fire and Ice by Ryan Smith a very progressive outlook in Norse paganism, he talks about creating communities in Norse paganism and calling out and denouncing Nazis in the community how Norse Paganism is inclusive and how to be open to all types of people. But he has a beginner approach to the deities, beliefs, values within Norse paganism.

Look into a lot of academic sources that’s where you will find a lot of information on Norse paganism and religions.

Tacitus Germania - A Roman historian talking about the Germanic tribes their culture and customs.

Saxo Grammaticus history of the Danes

The Viking Way by Neil Price it goes good in depths about magic in Scandinavia like Seidh

Dictionary of Norse Mythology a quick guide to northern myths, if you are trying to find a specific god and you don’t have time to look up in a book it’s in there with great information to each one.

Children of Ask and Elm: History of Vikings by Neil Price on Scandinavian culture during the Viking age

Some YouTube Channels

The Norse Witch: Bente lives in Germany and their channel encompasses all of Norse paganism more around magic. They do interviews with other Norse witches of folk magic like Icelandic and Danish. Even gives good book recommendations and advice on general spellwork as well!.

Dr Jackson Crawford he is an author but he also has a YouTube channel. He was a professor in Colorado on Norse culture, mythology, and language and now is a full time YouTuber. He did a series of videos on the runes which are more historically accurate. Discusses the myths and the language and what do they mean. Jackson Crawford isn’t a Norse pagan nor he doesn’t care if you are one but just letting you know he isn’t coming from a pagan perspective.

The Welsh Viking also like Jackson Crawford but still has really great knowledge on Viking culture.

De Spökenkyker who is a channel that focus on German Folk magic living in Germany who is a practicing German Folk Witch.

Please feel free to add on any recommendations that are helpful and useful to the Norse pagan Community!

[nostalgebraist]

I feel like I've had the same experience several times now: someone does a new translation of a non-English literary classic, and all the critics praise it to the moon, so I go and try to read it, and it's turns out it's just . . . bad? Like, really bad? And weirdly bad?

A while back, I wrote about the case of Pevear and Volokhonsky. Here's another example, which I encountered while doing background research for my novel Almost Nowhere.

----

One of my novel's major characters is a literary translator, famous for his rendition of the Persian epic poem Shahnameh ("Book of Kings").

To help me write this character, I tried to read the Shahnameh myself. I started out – where else? – with the translation that seemed to be the gold standard, and which was certainly the most critically lauded.

Namely, the 2006 translation by Dick Davis, in prose with occasional shifts into verse.

Here's how the Shahnameh begins, in Davis' translation:

What does the Persian poet say about the first man to seek the crown of world sovereignty? No one has any knowledge of those first days, unless he has heard tales passed down from father to son. This is what those tales tell: The first man to be king, and to establish the ceremonies associated with the crown and throne, was Kayumars. When he became lord of the world, he lived first in the mountains, where he established his throne, and he and his people dressed in leopard skins. It was he who first taught men about the preparation of food and clothing, which were new in the world at that time. Seated on his throne, as splendid as the sun, he reigned for thirty years. He was like a tall cypress tree topped by the full moon, and the royal farr shone from him. All the animals of the world, wild and tame alike, reverently paid homage to him, bowing down before his throne, and their obedience increased his glory and good fortune.

And here is the same opening, in the 1905 translation by Arthur and Edmond Warner (which I only discovered much later in the process of writing Almost Nowhere):

What saith the rustic bard? Who first designed To gain the crown of power among mankind? Who placed the diadem upon his brow? The record of those days hath perished now Unless one, having borne in memory Tales told by sire to son, declare to thee Who was the first to use the royal style And stood the head of all the mighty file. He who compiled the ancient legendary, And tales of paladins, saith Gaiúmart Invented crown and throne, and was a Sháh. This order, Grace, and lustre came to earth When Sol was dominant in Aries And shone so brightly that the world grew young. Its lord was Gaiúmart, who dwelt at first Upon a mountain; thence his throne and fortune Rose. He and all his troop wore leopard-skins, And under him the arts of life began, For food and dress were in their infancy. He reigned o'er all the earth for thirty years, In goodness like a sun upon the throne, And as a full moon o'er a lofty cypress So shone he from the seat of king of kings. The cattle and the divers beasts of prey Grew tame before him; men stood not erect Before his throne but bent, as though in prayer, Awed by the splendour of his high estate, And thence received their Faith.

Now, I can't speak at all about the source text. I have no idea how faithful or unfaithful these two translations are, and in what ways, in which places.

Still, though. I mean like, come on.

This is an epic poem about ancient kings and larger-than-life heroes.

This is a national epic, half myth and half history, narrating the proud folkloric lineage claimed by a real-world empire.

There is a way that such things are supposed to sound, in English. And it sure as hell isn't this:

What does the Persian poet say about the first man to seek the crown of world sovereignty?

Excuse me? That's your opening line? I thought I was reading a poem, here, not taking a fucking AP World Literature exam!

----

Postscript

Some of the critical praise for the Davis translation, quoted on the back cover of my copy (emphasis mine):

"A poet himself, Davis brings to his translation a nuanced awareness of Ferdowsi's subtle rhythms and cadences. His "Shahnameh" is rendered in an exquisite blend of poetry and prose, with none of the antiquated flourishes that so often mar translations of epic poetry." (Reza Aslan, The New York Times Book Review) "Thanks to Davis's magnificent translation, Ferdowsi and the Shahnameh live again in English.” (Michael Dirda, Washington Post) "A magnificent accomplishment . . . [Davis’s translation] is not only the fullest representation of Ferdowsi’s masterpiece in English but the best." (The New York Sun)