#wrote all of this at a late hour
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One of the more interesting things about Iruka is that he's one of our only adult characters who saw the fox attack up close. We're shown in chapter... 500 something that Kurenai, Gai, Kakashi and Asuma were already locked outside the barrier when the attack happened and were protesting this fact, trying to get in to help but Kurenai's dad told them that they weren't allowed to because they are the future of the village, confirming he [and everyone else helping out] knew he was likely going to die when he went back in
But Iruka wasn't outside of the barrier when the attack happened. He was inside, with his parents, and saw the destruction up close and personal. He was standing there with them when they were bruised and bloodied and only got away because they had a fellow shinobi yoink him off to safety
Most fics tend to have Kakashi in his ANBU gear involved with this attack but canonically he was just as helpless as everyone else and wasn't anywhere near the centre of all that death and destruction. Iruka knows Kurama in a way that Kakashi just doesn't -- it's like when you watch a Godzilla movie and there's people who see Godzilla's wrath from a distance but they don't have nearly the same level of trauma, PTSD or fear as the one's who were there up close when he went nuts
And yet. And yet! Iruka bears no ill feelings towards Naruto at all. Sure yeah the anime has a flashback scene where he initially struggles and gets advice from Kakashi but that's only in the anime - in the manga, there was no such scene at all and he got over any and all struggles largely by himself which is why him and Mizuki being this sort of parallel to one another is so interesting to me!
Iruka was willing to move past it to help Naruto but Mizuki could never fully let go of his anger and hatred towards the thing that killed his family
I have no real point for this post outside of the fact that I wish this angle of Iruka was explored more in fics, instead of 9/10 changing the canon to have Kakashi as his ANBU saviour. Those are cool and I like them but there is just something so juicy about how much their experiences of that event differ just for the fact that Kakashi and company were outside the barrier from the start and Iruka was not
He would have crazy PTSD fuelled nightmares I think :)
#naruto#iruka umino#meta post#I wrote this out about 12-14 hours ago and have kept it in my drafts all day#just for the purpose of posting it now late at night right as I'm going to bed#a wittle treat for you all as I leave you hehe#goodnight and bless up
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SIX SENTENCE SUNDAY
Remembered my beloved @thecollectionsof wrote the worlds best hanahaki fic and remembered that I've wanted to write one since they published that masterpiece............ and here we are
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Marcia brushed past her into the lobby before twirling on her heels to face Anetra again, brown eyes glimmering like topaz under the dim fluorescent lights. “Picture Beyoncé. Then picture Megan Thee Stallion. Then combine those images. This woman was like–a hundred times hotter than that.” Marcia was gesticulating wildly with her free hand as she spoke. Normally, Anetra would find her dramatics endearing, would be teasing her for being incapable of speaking without her whole body getting involved. Instead, she felt frozen, the glimmer in her stomach suddenly starting to feel a lot more insidious.
“That feels sacrilegious to say,” Anetra spoke after a moment, trying to recover.
#my writing#sss#six sentence sunday#thank you to pip for holding me accountable for writing#and thank you to 25/5 pomodoro videos for being the only way for me to write successfully lately lmfao#anyways i wrote like 1200 words in 50 minutes#we're so fucking backkkkkkk#anyways this whole fic is dedicated to Gi fyi i dont even care if they dont ship anarcia this is for them anyways#also I started this fic like two hours ago (at time of writing this draft post) so its obviously not edited at all#rpdr#rpdr 15#drag race 15#anetra#rupaul’s drag race#marcia#drag race#rupauls drag race 15#marcia x3#marcia marcia marcia#anarcia#anarcia fic#anarcia fanfic#drag race fanfic
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seeing the way some people on the internet desperately try to find the character who was In The Right or the real victim™ in morally ambiguous stories is soooo wild to me lmao what do you mean you're trying to argue which of the main characters in challengers is most at fault???? they're literally all in the wrong and all in the right at different points in the movie. that's the point!!!!! that's why every scene between them is like a tennis match!!!!! because the person with the upperhand is constantly changing!!!! what do you mean you're watching interview with the vampire and trying to decide which of the lying, manipulative vampires who have done terrible things is the Worst Liar????? the point is they're all lying!!!! at different times and about different things!!!! is it manipulation???? is it misremembering???? who knows that's what makes it interesting!!!!! like i totally get that when you're watching sitcoms or teen dramas or whatever being annoyed at or even hating a character is usually an unintended consequence of sloppy writing or a half-assed storyline. but in stories that are supposed to make you have complicated feelings about a character i'm just like askjdfhashd how are you arguing about this instead of just watching in pure fascination as the characters interact??????????? are you not having the time of your Life watching the plot unfolds????? let the story seduce you, my love, it's okay there's no pop quiz at the end
#mine#sorry this is nothing to do with anything except i was venturing into the twitter search for a lot of shows/movies lately after watching#them and being sooooo confused by some people's reactions#(which like i shouldn't be bc it's twitter lol)#but like my only thought watching challengers was 'this is so *interesting*' for two hours straight#and then i came online and people were like 'uwu tashi was a bitch' 'uwu it was all art's fault' jasdkfh i fear you missed the point friend#and i saw it less with iwtv but now tweets come up on my for you page about it and again it's like arguing about who's the most at fault#and again it's like that's not the point!!!!!!!!! asdjfha#i've seen it with the bear too but in different ways like you know you're *supposed* to be annoyed with carmy in s3 right lmao#anyway this was in my drafts i forgot i wrote it but it's real
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(Heavy-duty Spoilers for Hadestown ahead.)
The original Hades/Persephone myth wasn’t a sweet love story between the light and dark. It was a case of kidnapping and forced marriage and a grieving mother not knowing what happened to her baby. And the result is how it affects humans: the cycle of life and death and the seasons.
Because of the contrast between the type of environment Persephone is from and the one Hades is from, they make a pretty picture to look at. So the modern retellings have the relationship between Persephone and Hades be more mutual, usually like they eloped or something.
I’ll admit, it has some appeal to me too; I enjoy the game Hades, and I’ve enjoyed some digital art of the true-love premise.
That said, my favorite modern version that I’ve seen so far is Hadestown. The idea behind that is that they fell in love, but due to their personalities, they don’t always work well together. Persephone needs periods of separation from Hades. And for a while it works, but as time goes on and they get older, Hades’ insecurities start getting the better of him and he gets more demanding of her time. And she still does love him so she stays with him … but it’s not good for her emotionally. The environment is stifling and depressing to her. She starts numbing herself with liquor and drugs to pass the time, and then goes on extreme binges when she’s away from home. And Hades continues to worry about her no longer loving him, not realizing that his efforts to keep her close just widens the rift between them. He makes changes to his realm to bring some of the overworld conditions to the underworld, but he can only do it through the filter of his own understanding, and it makes the environment … weird. “Unnatural” as she puts it.
There are themes in Hadestown about trust vs doubt, optimism vs pessimism, hope vs cynicism. Orpheus and Eurydice are a fresh couple falling in love with optimistic hopes ahead of them (Eurydice is already somewhat cynical, but she wants to believe things can be better). Hades and Persephone used to be like that when they were young (in this story), but time and life and experience has turned them cynical. They’d even forgotten how they originally felt about each other. “The honeymoon is over,” as some say.
In the end, they’re reminded vividly of how they used to be and are willing to at least try again. They make no promises, no guarantees (because life has none), but they’re willing to make the effort. Specifically, the dialogue between them goes like this:
PERSEPHONE: “Think they’ll make it?”
HADES: “I don’t know.”
PERSEPHONE: “Hades, you let them go.”
HADES: “… I let them try.”
PERSEPHONE: “And how about you and I? Are we going to try again?”
HADES: “… It’s time for Spring. We’ll try again next Fall.”
PERSEPHONE: “Wait for me.”
HADES: “I will.”
As we know, things don’t work out with Orpheus and Eurydice … but Spring does come again, which indicates things aren’t strictly hopeless. Earlier in the play, Eurydice said, “I haven’t seen a Spring or Fall since … I can’t recall.” “It’s either blazing hot or freezing cold.” Yet there it is. And one could say that the relationship between Persephone and Hades had a winter period and it’s starting to bloom again. Which is a theme with them.
…….. And because I love Hadestown so much, I’m expanding on it. Hades and Persephone deciding to try again is a big thing with the play. We’re told at the beginning that the story we’re about to be told is a tragedy. And it is. In this version, Eurydice broke up with Orpheus due to insecurity and doubt. His show of devotion convinced her to try again, but then he had doubts—doubting her, doubting himself, doubting everyone else … and they couldn’t make it work because of it.
It ends in tragedy.
“But we sing it anyway,” as the narrator puts it. “Because here’s the thing: to know how it ends, and still begin to sing it again. As if it might turn out this time.” We see the way the couple meet again, but this time there’s a tiny detail that’s changed. The flower that Orpheus made for Eurydice was already blooming when she walked in. And we also see that Spring has returned. So “hope springs eternal” is another theme. So long as you continue trying, the story isn’t a forgone conclusion. There might be a period of dysfunction, but it’s not inevitable. Maybe things won’t work out in the end. Try again. Maybe they will.
Honestly, Hadestown is a pretty genius play, IMO. Aside from those themes, it links the cynicism and insecurity with the ways that people can be taken advantage of when they’re vulnerable. With the seasons out of whack, the routines of people’s lives are thrown off and things are more uncertain. Hades then recruits the desperate to come to Hadestown with the promise of secure conditions. However, it’s a trap—their lives become dedicated to unending projects that will “protect” them from … those not in their “desired” position. There’s a song that shows how they get brainwashed into cyclical thinking that they’re fortunate. The jobs are themed to fit in with industry and capitalism (mines, factories, warehouses). Hades profits off the work everyone puts in, and preaches to them—and makes them repeat—how fortunate they are to have the jobs in this exclusive place (you need a ticket to get there). The secluded Hadestown becomes unnaturally hot and bright all year round, and people eventually lose the memory of anything else besides the jobs they have to do to survive; as far as they know, this is the best way, the only way. Persephone also profits similarly by running a speakeasy, which has tastes of all the elements one can’t find anywhere else in Hadestown. But just tastes—they’re all temporary to the never-ending grind of the daily life.
The environment of what Hadestown has become—for it’s hinted that it wasn’t always like this—and the disruption of the harmony between Hades and Persephone allude to climate change and global warming.
When the play starts, Orpheus comes off as very naive and optimistic, which Eurydice—a young woman who survives by continuing to change location when things start going south—finds skeptical. I mean, he says he can heal the world with a song. But despite her doubts she starts to believe him—he played some of the song, and a flower bloomed from nothing—and she has a sweet and hopeful romance with him. Unfortunately, winter comes sooner and harsher than expected, and resources become scarce. She doubts her future; she loves him, but doesn’t see how she can survive by staying with him. So when she’s given the offer for security and the promise of never being hungry again in Hadestown, she takes it. During this, Orpheus was focused on trying to finish that magic song, so he hadn’t noticed her insecurities and starving condition. He immediate goes after her to Hadestown without a ticket, walking an incredibly long way alone and braving guards and guard dogs.
Eurydice becomes disillusioned pretty quickly in Hadestown that it was the better option, but it already has started draining her of the will to find other options or go back…. And then Orpheus shows up. However, he learned then that Eurydice agreed to spend the rest of her life in Hadestown; she had gone willingly. Being an outsider, Hades has the locals beat the crap out of him … and these two elements finally gives Orpheus some of the doubt that leads people to give up. He considers just going home without her … but then he gets angry, given how the conditions are dictated and enforced by those in power.
The people of Hadestown rally behind him and that gets the attention of Persephone and Hades. Persephone is moved by the dedication Orpheus has for Eurydice, and their love for each other reminds her of how she used to be with Hades. Hades needed to be reminded more vividly and have it spelled out for him how his current state of mind is toxic to himself as well as everyone else; he’s letting his insecurities get the better of him and he’s making it everyone else’s problem, while not really becoming happier himself. He’s shown the comparison of who he is now with who he used to be and how he used to feel. He becomes conflicted. He wants to believe and hope again, but … the doubt is still there. He’s still afraid to let go of anything. So he bargains. Orpheus can leave and Eurydice will follow him. But he wants to see that trust and optimism demonstrated. If Orpheus can trust himself and Eurydice, they can go forward. But if he looks back, she returns to Hadestown. See, Hades still doesn’t want to give anything up. The whole town has their eyes on this couple and they all want to leave and try for a different life; this would bring down his empire. But if he demands Eurydice stays, he’s giving up on renewing what it was like to feel hopeful and young again, and his problems with his marriage continue. Thus the compromise. And he knows how separating the loving couple will leave room for doubts to come in. It happened to him, after all, while he was separated from his wife. And it happened when Eurydice was separated from Orpheus earlier.
Sadly … the doubt wins out. Orpheus had become cynical from his experience in Hadestown. He had finished his song, and it led to hope for the world’s future, but now his future is uncertain. He failed Eurydice before, he might fail again. He’s more aware of some of the ugliness out there. (One could also interpret it as her having left him, so why would he trust her implicitly this time?) So, even though Eurydice, who has had experience with that, is willing to try again … Orpheus’ trust fails, and he looks back.
One might think this wouldn’t bode well for the whole future, that everything in the world hinged on that one look. But the idea is to TRY AGAIN. Hades still had doubts, had wanted to see the trust demonstrated … but was still willing to try again with his wife. Spring still returned. People who had given up their lives for Hadestown were still willing to try again, despite the risks. Orpheus had been discouraged when he learned Eurydice left him, but he was still willing to try again, and that led to the whole town protesting against the ruling class. And, on the more meta level, we repeat stories that we know end sad, and sometimes hope something will change. Just like this one. And from there we get variations.
Keep trying. Things may get better. Even if they get worse again, so long as you keep trying, nothing is determined. There’s always a chance.
#I wrote all this on the plane.#I needed something to do for four hours#and this had been on my mind lately.#hades and persephone#orpheus and eurydice#hadestown#musicals
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So so so.. I’ve been learning faroe’s song on piano and becoming absolutely insufferable because of it. And. So. There’s a cello part written into the score
and that got me thinking (at 1am when I couldn’t fall asleep ofc) why?? Obviously the actual score for faroe’s song was written by harlan but canonically it was written by Arthur. So why did Arthur choose to include a cello part?
we know that only arthur and faroe know about the song so I don’t think someone arthur knows plays cello. Maybe it was written in honor of someone who died?? Like maybe Bella or Arthur’s parents played cello and he wrote a cello part into the song in their memory. Or maybe he plays cello and intended to one day play the song as a duet with faroe??
#Idk why I’ve spent so much time thinking about this lately#But it’s been the only thoughts playing on my mind for the past two hours#Does it matter at all that Arthur wrote a cello part?? No. Do I still care immensely? Yes.#malevolent podcast#malevolent#faroe lester#faroe malevolent#arthur lester#arthur malevolent
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Slimmed-down post/rules, but originally taken from kedreeva (and directly taken from suzukiblu)
It’s WIP Wednesday on a Thursday! I am free of the grad school! For. two weeks.
Here’s how it works:
I will post the file names of five WIPs, and will also post a snippet of new content from one of them to get the ball rolling.
Send me an ask with the name of one of the listed WIPs and I will write you a minimum of three sentences in that WIP in response!
Multiple asks are fine ^-^
If you’re reading this, you’re invited!
WIP names:
With Tar-Telepta, Aran Morinórea (coruling Mordor for fun and aesthetics; silvergifting; on ao3 here):
The Worst Road Trip (you think tar-gloriel’s an asshole, maglor, imagine having to work for the guy)
Annatar’s Shit Paradigms (catastrophic consent-related miscommunication)
Without Tar-Telepta:
Donating Blood (vivisecting your maia boyfriend; silvergifting)
Mallachel (accidental time travel with Nargothrond Celebrimbor and melted Sauron; silvergifting; on ao3 here)
Non-Euclidean Nan Elmoth (maeglin mind controlling glorfindel for fun and aesthetics)
snippet from Non-Euclidean Nan Elmoth:
It’s so dark.
When he gets tired, he half-sleeps in the bed. If Maeglin didn’t want him to, he shouldn't have left him here. By the time he’s hungry enough he can’t ignore it any longer, he's able to navigate fairly well between the bed, the washbasin and its full lidded pitcher of clean water (which was such a relief to discover), the chamberpot, and the food tray.
Again, the uncertainty of how long this is going to go on is crushing. He doesn’t want to eat too much too soon and then be even more miserable later.
It’s so dark.
On top of the dresser he eventually finds a hand mirror. He almost drops it immediately on discovering it, and the shards would have been horrible to try to deal with.
Without the mirror, the Treelight in Laurefindelë’s eyes only means he can sometimes see his own nose. But if he holds it up to his face, the light in his eyes scatters, and it makes just the faintest glow. Not really enough to see clearly by, but enough to remind himself he’s in an unlit room and not the Everlasting Darkness or something.
#gem writes#glorfindel#non euclidean nan elmoth#maeglin is such a kind and gracious host all of glorfindel's needs are provided for#except light#but it's all good goldilocks makes his own ^-^#wrote much of this with a cat on my lap#do recommend#i'm allowed to make dumb decisions like allowing the Allergen Generator into the place where i sleep#she didn't go onto the bed it's fiiiine#I could keep writing this right now but im two hours late for lunch
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An attempt to analyze two essential parallel DD2 scenes, heavy spoiler warning.
The Dragon speaking in the coronation scene where you speak to Pathfinder has my head hurting, let me compare the two coronation scenes. Don’t expect answers, just thoughts, theories and more questions.
The Dragon:
The Dragon again:
(hey Syllie should’ve taken off the mask!) They aren’t the exact same and I love that, because it’s implying the Arisen did demonstrate their will. Suppose it was by killing the Dragon, then why is the Dragon speaking? Is the bond reserving after death, or did it not die?
The Dragon:
Pathfinder’s parallel:
This was my favorite. I like how they speak.
In the first scene the Dragon basically assigns us to find out the truth, (and change fate.) Pathfinder tries to tell us the truth, and make us believe it.
Then very much offers us the chance to, cast aside our heart and our life both, by giving us the chance to use the Godsbane. I love the moment that follows, the flight was basically our chance to do just that, the way the Dragon says: “It’s too late.” when we arrive. It’s too late for us to use the Godsbane.
I feel like I don’t need to go deeper than this, I feel like this is a very surface level analysis but I don’t care if the things I’ve written down and noticed are very obvious, I enjoy writing my thoughts.
One interesting thing is I don’t notice the Dragon in the first scene ever mentioning our charge, which Pathfinder mentions, the lack of parallels there is something.
It sure mentions it in Melve. OUGH.
Okay, back to the coronation scene (No.2)
A lot of people question what the fuck do they mean by “or through the eyes of another…” I’ve reached an answer I’m way too confident about, and it’s that in case you fail (wake up in the shack,) time turns back to pre-Unmoored World, the another would be the Arisen which failed.
The fucked up thing is, I keep doubting the idea that this was all Pathfinder’s plot, that Pathfinder has a Seneschal like duty and so it was all apart of the test, the dogma 2.0, if you will. Can’t be sure, of anything. Least of all if the Dragon speaking was really the Dragon.
Is Pathfinder a being with an agenda against the Arisen so they push them away from their True fate, gets them attached to the world only to wreck it before their very eyes because they dared listen to the Dragon pretty much begging them to end the Cycle?
I love the messiness of this, I love the ambiguity, the room for us to decide if the first coronation scene truly happened or not. However, it hurts my head and I’d love to learn the truth even more, thank you.
The two scenes could be for the sake of creating a loop, it could be that, your Arisen from the very beginning has already failed.
Failed, turned back in time. But Pathfinder cannot ignore them, so they get to remember, a little. Like the first coronation scene is the second but twisted in memory. The Dragon speaking in the second scene… To make the Arisen think of it and consider the Godsbane? That’s the bit that bothers me the most I think, the bit that had me comparing the scenes. I hope I missed something that would give me an epiphany. Until then, this was all I have to say <3
#dragon’s dogma 2#dd2#dd2 thoughts#dd2 lore#dragon’s dogma lore#amier rambles#talking to rothias in UW gave me something to think about bc he said something of note about pathfinder#that i forgot#and not i forgot it again#but it’s unrelated to this. i think#wrote this at 4am and spent an hour on it jfhwkdh thoughts occupied my mind all day. if you read and tell me your thoughts ily forever#do encourage me to do more posts like this bc i enjoyed it so#and sorry if some of these sc are bad quality i grabbed most from yt lol#edit: i forgot to mention the fake dragon theory. something here can be used for it but Ough it’s late gn
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what’s friendship if not using your ocd for good (last minute packing your friends entire luggage and carry on bag for her trip)
#she’s anxious and would’ve packed a toothbrush one single sock a crystal and a jalapeño#was fun actually I like stuff like that#my mental illnesses and control issues make me excel at stuff like packing and planning#also cleaning and organizing!#free perks#we sat on my floor and she helped me wrap all my christmas presents because her crafty perfectionism makes her excel at wrappin’#sooo#friendship balance#we had our friend christmas early#she got me a polaroid+ and we played around with it for a while and even took it with us for a downpour trip to vg#had nerf gun fights (that shit hurts man)#and stayed late helping pack and trying to distract and said our goodbyes out in the crazy rain#safe travels sylv#ur over the grand canyon rn!#wrote this 73 hours ago she made it#mine#precious mama baby#forgot to add all the cute angel stickers and butterfly and a colosseum pillar candle holder she made me
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it's probably the sunnier weather that's doing stuff to my brain to make me more optimistic but it's so interesting having a brain that craves a lot of self-fulfillment to the point where I can move past some hang-ups around perfection by going "oh I really wanna do that though" and then I do it well because researching how to do it right is also a rewarding part of the process
#it comes with the double edged sword of dropping projects as soon as they become a bit more involved/difficult#or when they don't feel fulfilling#but maybe it's better to take a break and come back to something with new knowledge ?#maybe it's good that my brain has a built in 'if it sucks hit da bricks' function ?#i just wish that i had more stamina for these things when they start lacking intrinsic rewards#it just feels like compared to my other family members i lose steam very very quickly and since we all have the same disorder i should be-#- 'just as capable'... but honest to god my under-activity feels SO severe#it honestly feels like compared to others my threshold for mental exhaustion is half the normal benchmark it should be#you know how there were studies done that found that 4 hours is the maximum amount of time people can work before a decline in efficiency?#i swear to god when the activity is something i have no internal reward for it takes 1-2 hours for that decline to start. and my brain -#- crashes HARD. my eyes start to glaze over. i start forgetting how to speak. my brain starts acting like it's 2-3 am and that i need to -#- sleep. i don't push myself not because i coddle myself but because i perform WAY worse. my work becomes unintelligible#or if it's some other kind of task (such as cleaning) my brain desperately tries to take shortcuts in order to get it done#i am trying to avoid a situation where i have to fix up the shitty job i did after the fact!#it's just kind of crazy to me how this is viewed as laziness LOL 'you did a bad job!' because i was pushed past my limit!#not to mention... i get burned out for DAYS if i push myself too hard. i am trying to conserve my efficiency#if you want me to do a better job... i need more time. and trust me: i'll do an excellent job if you let me rest#i am a very smart and capable person who cares about doing a good job - and i have a fine eye for smaller details as well#the trade-off here is i'll need some time to find joy and fulfillment somewhere else for a little bit while i rest. let me excel ok?#idk where this high self esteem came from other than like. realizing i wrote an entire research proposal in such short time#while receiving positive feedback with very few notes for improvement. i just sat down an added another section today based on -#-feedback and realized like 'wait. i know what i'm doing and i probably care about this far more than the average classmate'#i've been having a lot of thoughts lately and i sort of want to get to the bottom of how i have a difficult time coping w/ burnout#and i also want to figure out how to offset the costs of the stuff i need to do... it's a process
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There's an English class on Golden Age detective fiction being offered next semester but the prerequisite for it is the intro to literary study class required for all English majors (which I haven't taken because I'm in a hard STEM major and don't have much time for electives, which means that I have to be really picky with my electives and only go for stuff I like AND doesn't have an awful workload) and also even if I did have that prereq, I wouldn't be able to take the class because it's at the same time as one of my major reqs. And also I'll be in two labs next semester and one of them is pure hell so like I literally don't have the time to take more than 13 credit hours (as tempting as it is to keep up my streak of taking 17-18 every semester even though it's been like really pretty bad for my social life and hobbies). Sigh. (Pressing my hand wistfully against the glass) maybe someday they'll offer the class again
#.txt#at least i had a blast in my sci-fi class this semester#i don't talk about sf on this blog because that's what my secret main is for but guys i LOVE sf you should read more sf#i'm currently sitting at an a+ in that class and my professor has been giving me SUCH good feedback on all my assignments#he used one of my short essays as the class example (which has never happened to me before!)#and also asked if he could use my creative writing midterm project as an example for future classes#and on the last day of class he quickly went through some powerpoint slides recapping the class#and on one of them he had a drawing i submitted as part of a different creative assignment :)#also we read a book from one of my all-time favorite authors in that class AND he visited our class too which was absolutely insane#won't mention the author's name because his books comprise like half the posts on my main. i'm insaaaaane i'm craaaazyyy#currently trying to figure out which topic to write my final paper on but i will definitely be writing about that book#english classes are actually such a morale boost#the only reason i'm not an english major is because that would actually for real kill me#i'm good at writing essays but the process is actually agonizing and i'm a ridiculous perfectionist when it comes to writing#so combining that with poorly medicated adhd means that i almost never turn essays in on time#and spend way too long suffering over each one to make sure they're as perfect as i can get them to be (unattainable standard)#and then they also always end up going way over the word count#for my crime fiction class in the spring i wrote a 19-page final paper about decagon house when i only needed a minimum of 8#and i honestly could have written even more but i had to stop myself because the paper was already like 2 or 3 days late#and i had been staying up until dawn every night trying to finish it#so basically i can hardly handle having ONE english class#having to take multiple and turn in so many essays on a regular basis is a literal death sentence#i'm taking 2 upper level classes for my other major (haven't declared it yet though) this semester#and i have to write final papers for both of them :') and the instructions are super vague and they're due in a WEEK#one of them is SLIGHTLY more clear because i just need to write about the results of my research project#however. i was unfortunately only given 3 weeks (one of which was thanksgiving so basically i was only given 2)#to design and execute this whole project#and i got a little too ambitious (as i tend to do) and even though i ended up cutting out a lot of the stuff i wanted to do from the projec#it'll still definitely take ages to finish (conducted my experiments yesterday and spent 11 hours in that building. hell on earth)#and that's on top of needing to study for and take 3 final exams...
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Currently obsessively thinking about a silent hill from Mary's perspective. Starting in the hospital, the nurses replaced with doctors, faces blacked out except for white shiny gnashing teeth. She only has in her pockets a note written on hotel stationary that says I'm Sorry.
Escaping and meeting a young man, cute and a lil awkward, who says you look a lot like his girlfriend Maria, and shes missing too? Can we look for her together?
Hes... sweet, a bit quiet. He gets very close to Mary often, pushes her boundaries, but this is all weird and strange and maybe hes just scared. When she mentions it, however, he makes a rude remark abt Just Wanting To Help Her but backs off.
They get seperated when the Red Pyramid Thing, unchanged in this version, comes and attacks them both, but chooses to persue him.
Laura is still there, and when Mary and her meet they cling together. She talks about an awful, ugly man she met earlier, and to watch out for him. She helps guide Mary through a maze like area before the Other World sets in and separates them.
The monsters in Mary's Silent Hill are almost all larger then her, and many masculine in appearance. They attack her head, try and choke her. Certain ones cough and gasp, arms thrashing wildly and thrashing on the floor when knocked down. Some seems to have exposed, black lungs that stutter to breathe. If Angela and Eddie are the same in this version, then their boss fights remain the same. The Abstract Daddy just as horrifying to Mary as it is to Angela.
Every reunion with the man, hes different. Less nice, more haunted looking. He starts to call her Maria, and barely acknowledges her if she corrects him. Following his advice leads to darker and more dangerous areas. The Red Pyramid keeps coming and chasing him away, but shes always collateral damage when that happens.
Eventually, she makes it to the hotel. Hes waiting for her in the hotel room, haggard, almost unrecognizable from the man he was when they first met. He has a monologue about how she's been sick, and hes been trying his best to be there for her. She doesnt understand, she doesnt know him, shes NOT Maria! She never will be. She starts coughing.
He makes to leave but at the last second turns, and hes a monster now. Large, fleshy, imposing, always trying to suffocate her under thick hands. Upon his defeat, two Red Pyramids arrive and stab at the dying thing over and over until finally impaling themselves.
There are different endings still. She remembers her disease, and her murder, in most of them. In the best ending she leaves the town with Laura, likely still ill, but alive again. In one of the worst, she wakes up in the trunk of a car, as water begins seeping in.
#silent hill#silent hill 2#i have a few other ideas for this but wasnt sure how to work them into the prosey wording this took#i think Angela's story goes the same way but instead of James being flustered and kinda unsympathetic#Mary has kind words but no way to help#and their final meeting isnt as hostile as her and james but its still bitter#gameplay wise i also am imagining James Constantly being up on Mary and like pushing her into monsters while trying to atk them himself#instead of always trailing behind#Mary doesnt get her own PH bc hes a punisher and she doesnt need punishing (its why Angela doesnt have one but Eddie does yknow)#but im tempted to say she gets a prefinal boss that is Maria in some way#not like how we know maria but im thinking a mix of the Mannequins and the Flesh Lips enemies#its got the moth/butterfly motif still too#i do have a kinda clear scene in my head#of late in the game leading to this fight Mary has just shaken off James again and hes fully in the Youre Maria :) mental state#and she passes a mirror in a hall and sees herself as Maria. she turns back to look again and Maria smiles before reaching through and#grabs Mary by the throat as she transforms into the boss#crazee talk#i wrote this over the course of an hour and a half directly after waking up today#what was going on my sleep brain#took all day to post it bc i wanted to edit the tags on desktop and i had stuff to do
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should i just spend the 40 bucks and speak to a psychologist or councelor or whatever and get over myself -_-
#i dont trust the 40 dollar 'you pay' estimate but ill clarify on the phone. i dont understand co pay versus what i actually pay#esp w like behavioral health stuff like do they start tacking on charges with certain questions#'get over myself' means get over my nauseating fear of mind doctors who are out to get me and make me unable to get a job w#a diagnosis (i do not have any symptoms that would require this at all i am just paranoid)#alas. spent an hour planning on what to say and wrote over four pages of symptoms and insite. can i just fax this to someone and the can#send follow up questions#expode. anywyas it is rough lately in weird ways compared to normal. like the normal stuff is at a low point its other things that are#getting at me lately.
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Sat politely ankles crossed hands folded please say you have more thoughts about the DC deweys. Lazarus pit cold-eyed stare pristine and bloodthirsty anyway I would love to hear any further thoughts if you have the time + energy + motivation
how i imagine you waiting for me to re-read the resurrection of ra’s al-ghul and hush vol. 1+2:
ALRIGHT. in no particular order, thoughts about the dc deweys
connor fits very well into the mold of a talia al-ghul for me; chip on his shoulder, femme fatale, deadly and precise. he’s not the loudest but he’s got a dry wit that’ll cut you!
“why is connor an al-ghul at all and not batman” well first of all he’s already got the water connection, i’m gonna go dip him into the lake a couple hours north of the pas to make him incredibly long-lived, rejuvenated and beautiful
second of all i want him to be a questionable villain/antihero because he looks evil in those pictures but like beautiful evil. you see him at a multi-million dollar soirée and he’s bored of being there wearing his “heritage” beads and jewels he originally had from a thousand years ago. he and his assassins are only here to murder the head of state who’s planning to lay a pipeline through ancestral grounds
rip brandon duhaime i simply cannot imagine you as any kind of batman. lacks the gravitas, too much of a yapper, loves his wife too much. i curse thee to be green arrow if you’re in this narrative at all
assuming connor stays with toronto, would LOVE to think about toronto as one of the sites of the lazarus pit for many reasons
(a brief aside here to say that for me personally this is interesting if connor goes to winnipeg because i think they suit him better, he’s a manitoba boy, but re: the chip on his shoulder, he’s NOT a manitoba boy. he’s from the pas and very proud of it)
a) the amount of ‘toronto is the center of the universe’ hockey creation myths i can play with & birth/rebirth/reincarnation. if you WANT to feel unhinged trying to blend hockey and comics is an ice rink not just a pool of water?
b) mr. cathal kelly i love your works!!! toronto eats its young!!! thinking about this very literally in the sense of the resurrection arc where players come to toronto and are sacrificed, give up their body, their skill, in service of the demon’s head, and lose themselves.
c) we see echos of the same narratives and styles over and over again—if i can hop over to the flyers for a second, there is of course the curse of the *8s (18 richards, 28 claude, 48 danny b, 68 nolan, 88 lindros) but ALSO the danny brière -> tk -> morgan frost celly chain. every generation a resurrection, emerging clean and new from the pit
can you just briefly hold my hand and imagine wayne gretzky as an evil ra’s al-ghul wanting to possess a new body. gretzky i’m sorry to malign you and i know you never played in toronto but you are the best player in my head to fit the idea, i’m open to other suggestions
coming BACK to green arrow dewey (i did not re-watch arrow or re-read those comics sorry) connor could also be black canary, who takes a brief dip into the lazarus pit (toronto) before getting married to oliver. i do like that narrative but because we were talking about pristine and cold-blooded i figured connor dewar head of the league of assassins was more what you were after
now that i’ve gotten through world building… choose your own adventure narratives?
hockey-ish au: connor chosen as a host for the Next One. i think the lineage of the great one -> next one -> next next one -> next one up of gretzky -> crosby -> mcdavid -> bedard is taken, BUT i can imagine that the league of old boys all have the same intentions. connor gets sent to toronto unknowingly being prepped to get body-snatched by ???? and brandon duhaime of course accidentally stumbles on the plot and they have to fight to stop it
connor assassinating people :) snapshot of the head of the league of assassins delegating which major world events they’re going to change today. would love his shark face from the gifset to have blood spattered across it, ideally.
version 1 as head of the league of assassins: brandon is one of his assassins, big strong bodyguard type. devoted to him, would lay down his life, perfectly designed for connor (lady shiva/cassandra cain-ish). connor orders for something to be done and brandon does it there for him then gently wipes the blood off his face and apologizes for being careless and getting him messy.
version 2 as head of the league of assassins: an actual plot where connor aims to assassinate SOMEONE but brandon gets in the way. they meet at odds as their respective roles (hero, leader of a crime syndicate) but are magnetically drawn together as their alter egos. eventually brandon puts together the pieces of the Big Evil and manages to (legally!-ish as much as vigilante-ism can be legal) take it down and the ending panels show a tentative friendship and recognition of potential shared goals
also, jaromir jágr is immortal. don’t know if this is relevant OR related but he is. personal hot spring lazarus pit?
um. thanks for coming to my 1.5k ted talk (including tags). what a way to moritz seider lore drop that i DID grow up a comic book nerd, lmao. thank you so much for enabling me <3 i'll be here all week thinking about which teams would get what rings in a blackest night au
#contrary to popular belief (guy whose brain is like ‘but we already wrote the fic!’ any time they try to write with an actual outline)#[also i know what i said but i CAN write with an outline it just tends to be for y'know. not fic. (research and thesis papers lol)]#i DO actually know how to write up storyboards for comics & could in theory do a story if someone wanted to draw. or do a ‘zine dewey first#meeting comic because i’ve become enamored with the soirée scene i made up. also i want connor emerging dripping wet out of the slime#like it’s a nice wet bath the way they draw comic book girls framed ever-so-carefully to not show anything too provocative#both of those things can exist simultaneously if you want it bad enough. simultaneous mirrored panels of dewey1 fighting crime hours before#the soiree and getting consistent updates that he's going to be late so and so is arriving so and so will be there (OH I HAVE JUST DECIDED#THAT IT WILL BE HOSTED AT HIS ESTATE/CORPORATION DUH) and he's in the process of breaking up a drug deal chasing guys down & then sprinting#back brief shower with the pool of dirt and blood under his feet &slipping into his cufflinks his loosely buttoned shirt tucking his chains#under the collar gel on his hands cologne on his neck & swanning in late but he's precisely on time because he gets there RIGHT when connor#does too because this whole time we see the parallel panels of brandon stepping out of the darkness to reveal the green arrow mask & connor#stepping down iNTO darkness already done covered in blood & scratches the not-sexy but sexy drop of all his clothes where you see the#silhouette of his back (can't tell if i want this to be a direct parallel of brandon getting into the shower OR because what i haven't said#yet is that this is both of them in opposite -> they are simultaneously stripping & re-making themselves somewhat literally for connor but#it's taking OFF the green arrow for brandon to be his “true” self / connor stripping off his title as the demon's head (his “true” self) to#be connor dewar the act of polite high society &the implications in both that we see them taking off one skin and putting another on. which#one is real. brandon thinking duhaime the billionaire playboy is real vs connor thinking the dewar heir is the act&do they switch/challenge#each other throughout the course of their interactions of course) &then lmao the fighting parallel with fighting demons not going insane in#the lazarus pit to the puddle of blood at brandon's feet mirrored in a puddle of soaps/beautiful scented oils in connor's post-pit bath#& flower petals. have i this entire time been imagining connor in a slinky selena kyle-esque backless dress yes BUT we can for the sake of#being normal put him in a crisp beautiful expensive black suit with beaded accents. both of them spritzing cologne brandon & his bracelets#connor and his league of assassins ring ohhhh it would be so good to parallel brandon putting his cufflinks and accessories on with connor#getting dressed & fitted with spy gear. brandon stripping his weapons in the beginning -> connor thigh sheath knifes in garters in the end#&they both meet in one big panel/the title page cover at the top of the stairs & there's some kind of dialogue about being fashionably late#& at all times yes i am inspired by that one photo of brandon in his ridiculous coat with no shirt staring at connor who doesn't know he's#looking. that with this. and in the next set of panels connor wipes off a bit of dirt or blood brandon missed in his quick shower & brandon#in his playboy billionaire persona flirts incessantly with connor but truly is obsessed & wants to know more about what he's the heir to.#WHEN THE ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT HAPPENS BRANDON GOES TO PROTECT CONNOR BUT CONNOR'S ALREADY GONE/ALREADY SECURED HIM SOMEWHERE SO HE DIDN'T#GET HURT both of them simultaneously trying to protect the other in their “civilian” act. &brandon as green arrow thwarts the assassination#liv in the replies
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what if we worked as ranch hands together for decades and then you got mauled by a bear because I was drunk on the job because of the recent harrowing death of my young son and then I spent the rest of my days as a recluse taking care of you and exclusively spending my time with you while you lived on my ranch and continuously bitched at me about this bear as a metaphor for both of us getting back to living our lives and dealing with our grief. what if I finally did it by forcibly co-adopting my estranged daughter-in-law and the granddaughter I didn’t know I had with you and therein ended up experiencing the joy of family and community again. AND my up-until-recently-secret granddaughter called us two gay old cowboys to our face. and then me and her tried stealing the bear from a local zoo/circus for you but accidentally set it free instead because wink wink it’s a metaphor wink wink. what then
#posts you can tell I wrote before my first cup of coffee#late november hit and suddenly I’m on a roll with the predictable hallmark-esque movies#absolutely ridiculous#anyway this is about an unfinished life (2005)#possibly the most random obscure holiday-feeling-but-not-actually-a-holiday-film with big name actors in it ever#but all jokes aside#I just spent over an hour and a half looking at beautiful scenery#and listening to robert redford muttering different variations of ‘good goddamn piece of shit son of a bitch what kinda bs’ the entire time#all in all: 108 minutes not terribly spent!#even with whatever the hell that was with the bear#anyway.#as a side note I need my brain to stop thinking inappropriate things at inopportune times. that man is almost 70 years old. enough#what if I just start using this blog as the nonsense stand-in for my movie journal when I don’t have my notebook around#max’s shuffled movie adventures#max.txt#delete later
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youtube
When he’s lying there with his dog in his arms 🥹
#saw a comment on the dog clip that went: I wanna be that dog so bad#pretty sure that dog is dead#even better then#no please not#idk I loved that exchange#Alex turner#miles Kane#lana delray#karaoke#had to think about these so yeah#Youtube#also Alex’s dance moves 🥹🤣#like these tiny little snippets of them being themselves are so sweet#also I will never forgive Miles and Lana if they don’t release that ‘album worth of songs’ they wrote together#Cameron avery#like this friend group is/was so elite#the way you can already see Alex’s TBHC beard 🥹#also whoever worked the shift that night probably had the best and worst shift simultaneously#cause that’s too entertainment for free seeing all these a list Stars drunk dancing and singing; singing good certainly getting a nice tip#but also probably having to work wayyy longer into the late morning hours when the sun is already shining again
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dream time
#have to get this down before i forget it#been having weird/not good dreams lately until last night (mere hours ago bc its still dark out this morning)#writing this on my way to work and in the dream i was on the bus to work. however an important difference between reality and the dream is#that in the dream i was sharing my bus ride w mr larroquette. as one does#this was like mouse bites era john im sorry thats the best way i can describe how he looked#and i guess it was like we kinda knew each other?? and we ended up talking about poetry writing and stuff#wish i could remember the specifics of that#at some point we got off the bus and got onto another one unfortunately a common theme in my dreams is going somewhere in a complicated way#and on that bus ride i sat next to him again and he was like oh i normally listen to music for this part of my trip#and i was like ope don't wanna keep you from that! but he didnt mind talking for a bit more and we talked abt music#bc apparently id recommended he listen to the album big world by joe jackson and he said he didn't like it on first listen but hed try again#when we got off this bus and were walkin to where i worked (i guess he worked around there too???)#we went back to talking abt writing and i was talking abt my old poetry writing class and the kind of things i wrote#and he expressed an interest in reading those old poems and i was like oh ok i guess ill look for em#but i was thinking to myself noooo those arent good i wrote those in high school you dont wanna read themmm#and then it became like hard to get down the street bc people were moving slow on the sidewalk (classic new york moment)#so we went out into the street to like cut around#and there was some truck like causing things to get backed up#and so john started like yelling at the truck driver to move out of there LMAO#and i think thats all i remember w him. but i just remember talking w him was very calming and comforting#come on man. what are you doing in my dreams#later in my dream i just remember telling people about this so im telling you all now#anyway .
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