#writing fears and resentments

[that-faerie-in-the-corner]

you know what I find fascinating about how Helen is talked about in the works in the epic cycle?

everyone has argued to death over whether she was kidnapped, went willingly, was influenced/controlled/threatened by Aphrodite, whatever, but the thing is the actual TEXTS can't seem to make up their minds on Helen. everyone will be cursing Helen's name as an unfaithful wife and destroyer of men in Agamemnon but then Paris will be called a "robber-rapist" which would obviously heavily imply that he stole and assaulted her (plus the part where Clytemnestra basically says "shut the fuck up about Helen she didn't force you to do all that", although how much we're supposed to agree with her is debatable). In Iphigenia In Aulis we're going to war to get REVENGE on the Trojans AND HELEN but then Agamemnon will accuse Menelaus of "lust(ing) only to hold a lovely woman in (his) arms", calls him crazy for wanting her back, and then when Menelaus changes his mind about killing Iphigenia to get the winds back he says "Could I not obtain A perfect marriage elsewhere, if I longed for Marrying? But a brother whom I should Most cherish, I was about to forfeit To gain a Helen, so bartering excellence For evil" which is still pretty spiteful towards Helen but also really fucking weird to say if he only wanted her back to kill or otherwise punish her. Then, in the same play, the Greeks are described as wanting to sail to Troy so "That they may halt the plunder of marriage beds And the rape and seizure of Greek women" which would also imply Helen was, in fact, raped and seized, otherwise why would it be phrased like that and not like, "seduced" or "whisked away" or whatever? In Orestes Elektra and Orestes interpret Helen's actions in the worst possible light while when Helen actually speaks she seems generally sympathetic towards them, distraught and grieving over the whole situation, and claims that she went because Aphrodite made her mad, which could absolutely be a lie, but the thing is we just don't know who's the unreliable narrator here Is this a translation thing? Indicative of a really weird idea of what rape is? Is this an intentional writing choice? This got me to thinking and then I realized that if Menelaus was away when Helen left then he almost certainly doesn't actually know what happened. He didn't see or hear what happened, he doesn't get a chance to talk to Helen and have her explain until after the war, and obviously none of the other Greeks would know for sure either, right? And I just think it is kind of a missed opportunity that adaptations don't really do anything with this kind of unspoken conflict at all. Paris the Musical kind of does (Menelaus believes Helen was abducted when she ended up begrudgingly going with Paris trying to help him to escape) but like, why do all the greek men have one idea of Helen in adaptations? Why don't they argue about it? Why don't they question Menelaus about his motivations more? What if (especially if Aphrodite fucked with her head, as I am one to believe) Helen doesn't even trust herself on her own intentions? What if Menelaus tears himself up debating this with himself every night? Like, could I trust that she wouldn't do this to me and our daughter? Is it better that my wife doesn't love me anymore and is safe with her new lover, or that she does but is trapped against her will having who knows what done to her? Do I know my wife anymore? Did I ever know her in the first place? What if he lays eyes on Helen, his Helen, for the first time in ten years and his sword slips from his grasp as he realizes that yes, of course he knows her, how could he have ever doubted? Or maybe he still doesn't know if he knows her, but maybe he doesn't need to, because he knows that she is tired and scared, and he still loves her, and he just wants to take her back to their home? What then? Hm?

[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

thinking about Lucanis again (always). and how so much of his narrative boils down to the theme of "control". and of course also about how this applies to the Rook x Lucanis relationship.

like the first scenes with him in the game are, in theory, about freeing him from the Ossuary (although he seems to have an escape attempt already in progress at the time, they certainly weren't just letting him keep those knives on him for enrichment purposes, Rook just provided an opening/distraction he could take advantage of and crucially Rook has A Way Out of the whole place not just a cell). but ACTUALLY the purpose it to put him right into a new contract for Us, one set up by his own grandmother and first talon no less, and the person he has the MOST trouble saying no to. He's escaped torture and the Venatori for sure but he still isn't free, which I think is part of what leads to Spite's confusion/the Inner Demons plotline. He agrees to the contract but you can tell it's in many parts out of a sense of duty/mourning vs something he actively wants to do for himself. And then the FIRST real heartfelt conversation you have with him, where he tells you "even before I was captured, my life was not really my own. So much had been determined for me." But he's chaffaing at that! He thinks "to live truly is to live fully" and so directly tells you he doesn't think he's lived a life true to himself. He's been constantly smothered by the weight of expectations around him, even though he longs for more.

And then once you get him to the Lighthouse you see how this Big lack of control in his life comes out as all these smaller frustrations. He's terrified of sleeping and downing 11 cups of coffee per hour because sleeping means he will lose control to Spite, even though Spite is shown to flee rather than fight when he feels threatened, and once calmed down, is more drawn to just benign curiosity/mischief than anything actively malicious. Like if Lucanis loses control and sleeps for a few hours he is not going to wake up surrounded by bloodshed, he's going to wake up to a belly full of candle wax because he wouldn't like Spite taste one while they were awake. Which is the other half of this--he constantly denying Spite's impulses for reasons that in some ways make sense (HE doesn't want to eat candles), but not in a way that's actually satisfying to either of them (why not just take a bite, chew for a bit, and spit it out so Spite knows they kind of suck actually?). But he CAN say no to Spite and so he does. Over and over. Spite's one of the few people he can deny things without feeling bad about it, because it's HIS body he doesn't like that has to share now (<- this is what he thinks about it at first anyway, but he's wrong, it's both of theirs and it's useless to try to hold those kind of boundaries forever. but the "no its mine" spiteful instinct is very beautifully ironic and reflective of them both and their early relationship).

And personally I think this is where his fear of his own desires and intimacy is coming from, at the root. I don't think he's afraid of the concept of being in a romance or having feelings (even if they're unusual and rare for him, this is by no means incompatible with him being demi) but I DO think he is afraid of the kind of power it gives people over you. Getting something you want means there's something else that can be taken away. Admitting your desire means the other person has the opportunity to deny that. The more you have, the more you have to lose, and he has lost again and again and again in his life--his parents, his childhood to the crows, his independence, even his future--he doesn't aspire to be first Talon but he knows the rumors. He knows his grandmother wanted it for him, not Illario. His life path has been laid out for him by others and up to this point he has simply been going along with it anyway, even though it bothers him. He COULD argue and fight Caterina and push for Illario who actually wants the job to be First Talon instead, but from The Wigmaker Job we know he doesn't. He just ignores it and pretends maybe it won't happen, without him having to do any of the work. Which is why in the end Illario is the one who has to make a move about it (and even warns Lucanis of this!!!!). Lucanis KNOWS all this makes him a target but is neither taking charge or getting off of the train tracks, just closes his eyes.

And I think THIS context is what makes the almost kiss scene in the pantry make more sense to me. Rather than being afraid of having feelings (and then NEVER addressing this in game with a Rook who pursues him anyway) or not knowing how to finish what he's started via crow seduction training, it's more like this is a pivotal moment where he can actively choose to step off the planned path of be given a job -> kill the gods -> enact revenge -> go home. even if he doesn't at that point realize that a relationship with Rook could be something that lasts long-term, the very act of doing something just for himself is what's foreign and scary and hard. It's that first step off the tracks, and even if he were to keep walking in the same direction, it means he's making a choice about it. he's accepting that one way or another it IS in his power to go along with everyone else's plans or not. Hence the hesitation, and drawing back, and needing to clear his head.

And then the rest of Rook's role in his narrative IS about giving him more and more control for himself. Inner Demons, dealing with Illario, his questlines move less towards revenge and more towards just... not being locked into one fate. Which of course Caterina comes back and immediately tries to overturn by declaring him First Talon after all, even though she and him and everyone else knows she's not ACTUALLY ready to give up her rule/decision making power yet. Which in a way is maddening because cmon I did all this work here so this sad man could have some agency in his own life just to watch him get sucked right back in (which, at least we get many directions to headcanon from here), but there's no denying that THIS version of Lucanis at least is actually going in with his eyes open now. THIS Lucanis has had a taste of life outside the Crows, and seen the politics and power dynamics in other places/organizations, and finally has emotional ties to the big picture state of the world now, both in relationship and friendship paths with Rook. He's not just hyper focused on each contract as it's given to him now, he's looking at the whole thing.

Anyway of course the beautiful culmination of all this within the romance is the lighthouse scene with Rook, where he finally is willing to let himself be vulnerable (emotionally and physically), and fall asleep without fear of what Spite's going to do in the meanwhile. He also (depending on dialogue choice) finally talks about his feelings directly with you for the first time instead of in roundabout ways (the dessert being "not enough" is it really the dessert you mean, Lucanis. is it.). Even though he is STILL reluctant to verbally admit his feelings or let Rook share their own at this point, I think that's more a narrative choice about saving those last emotional dialogue options for the big final battle. but it is another point where he does have to stop just following along and ACTIVELY choose that yes, yes sometimes loving is worth the risk of losing it. Even if someone takes it away from you later, even if you don't survive it, sometimes the love alone makes it worth it.

I have like another 5000 words I could add into about how Spite ties into all this, about how having the demon in him is something he both fears AND how it forces him to acknowledge that actually yes he DOES share the same base feelings/instincts Spite does in terms of not wanting to be told what to do. And how this in a way is part of what gives him permission to act on it since he can no longer just shove it down out of sight. but this post is long enough already so i'm just going to take the rest of this and gnaw on it all day like a chew toy I guess.

anyway. AHG. it is kind of frustrating that the culmination of his arc seems to be "and then he got the job he never wanted anyway" but I do think at least all this prepares him for it in a way Caterina actively failed to actually do on her own. He NEEDED that step away from his straightforward path. Whether he stays first talon or not, and with or without rook as a romantic partner, he's finally been able to explore ideas outside the expectations of others.

[the-korova]

Contrary to a consensus among a lot of fanfic authors (who I love and respect so no shade) I think cannon Francis Crozier knows he is hot.

[possamble]

What are your headcanons about Marcille's mom if you have any? It's interesting that what drew Donato to her was cause she lived the history he studied, or that was said somewhere at least. She must've had an interesting life.

so this was going to be just a normal answer but then I realized I have a Lot of Things To Say. so here goes, a compilation of what we know for a fact from the canon, what I've extrapolated from the visual cues and details, and my theories based on all of that.

Things we know for a fact about Marcille's mother because they were explicitly stated in the manga and supplemental materials:

She was a court mage for a Tall-man kingdom at the southern part of the Northern Continent

Donato, a court historian, fell in love with her because she had lived through the history he was studying, and he courted her for 17 years (age 15 to 32) before getting married

She was a cheerful person who rarely showed extreme emotion and took things as they came

She always cooked a huge meal for Marcille on her birthdays

She remarried a gnome after Donato's death and a short distance away from Marcille's childhood home

Pipi, Marcille's pet bird, was actually older than Marcille and originally belonged to her mother (bird died at 62)

She was extremely heartbroken when Donato died and ultimately ended up instilling a deep fear of mortality in Marcille with her words

the only time she showed extreme emotion in front of her family was when Donato could no longer eat his favourite dish near the end of his life.

She scolded Marcille for being cruel to ants (implying she can have a stern side when needed)

Things that are explicitly shown but mostly through visual cues

She has a very distinctive style of dress always involving a ribbon choker (mirroring Marcille's habit of always wearing a matching choker with any of her outfits that don't cover her neck)

She was almost stereotypically good at housekeeping and traditionally "wifely" things (very frequently depicted wearing an apron or doing some domestic chore when not at work, seems to have been an avid cook).

She knits? (also, note the affectionate smile as she's looking at Donato and Marcille reading a book together in the full panel)

She was as excited for Marcille's milestones as Donato was.

She didn't tell Marcille much about elven food

(there are a couple things that this panel in particular implies:

She lived a good deal of her life (if not being born and raised) in a mainly elven country in the West, implied by her knowing enough of an elven region's cuisine to prefer Tall-man food over it

seems to have a pretty carefree and casual demeanour overall, if this is how she replied to Marcille asking her about it (sounds like she never gave her culinary preferences that much thought to begin with)

slightly related to number 2, it seems like she and Marcille had a fairly casual parent-child dynamic (especially in comparison to the Toudens' memory of their father)

(local elf tastes Italian food once and never goes back))

However, she seems a lot more... serious in most of the other times we see her? Almost like the very stereotypical archetype of a graceful elf.

Subsequent conclusions about her personality:

Usually pretty carefree and cheerful at home, has been a loving and attentive parent throughout Marcille's childhood (while not being so doting that she didn't discipline Marcille).

Slightly more conjectural theories on her personality:

Had a much more graceful and professional personality at work, which would explain the more serious portraits we see of her.

Given that both she and Donato had positions at the royal court, it seems a little odd that she'd go out of her way to do all the housework herself, so maybe she just enjoyed doing it?

Now taping all the evidence together and toeing the line between analysis and fanfiction:

It's clear that she loved Donato very much and was utterly devastated by losing him. But there's one thing that really stuck out to me in what little we see of her:

Doesn't she seem... angry? The way she's gritting her teeth, clutching the tablecloth, and how this is the first and only time we see her eyes opened that wide. In the following panel, you see her being quiet and dejected after her initial outburst. She's still crying very intensely, but her brows are furrowed, and she's not really responding to Donato's affection in her body language.

We're not told the details of how she felt about losing Donato other than that it upset her. But this, to me, implies that she was angry and resented that he was aging, that the end of his life was approaching. An "it's not fair" type of preemptive grief. And if this was the first and last time she cried like this in front of her family, she was either very good at coping in private... or very bad at letting herself feel unpleasant emotions until they become unavoidable and end up overwhelming her.

It's not too remarkable a detail on the surface. It's even reminiscent of what the audience has seen of Marcille. But... when it comes to the big picture, you'd think an elf who voluntarily chose to marry a tall-man and have a half-elf child would have been better prepared for this.

It kind of recontextualizes her cheerfulness to me.

"I'm sure everything's gonna be okay!" (or some variation thereof, depending on what translation you have).

And this is stated to contrast her extreme grief when finally confronting Donato's failing body and eventual death. But I'm wondering if... maybe this optimism was why she was so upset. What if she went into all of it thinking "everything's gonna be okay"? What if she was a little young by elven standards, and just followed her heart thinking that her own resilience would get her through anything?

Of course, only to get completely overwhelmed when she actually loses Donato. She turns into a completely different person. And that's heartbreaking on its own-- but what the audience sees is the effect it had on Marcille. Can you imagine being her, watching your invincible and upbeat mother suddenly lose all the light in her eyes in one go?

I've already made a huge post about how I think Marcille models her "work persona" off her mother, but another thing that stuck with me as I was looking for more details in the manga was this:

copy pasting from the other post i made about it lmao it's like... the second she resigns herself to lifelong pain and terror, there's another portrait of her mother facing her like this. with their heads bowed, in mirrored body language of resignation and despair and sorrow. Except it's posed like Marcille is still looking at her mother but her mother is looking away.

It took me a second to realize, but I think that it's a visual metaphor for the fact that Marcille's mother was the only long-lived role model she had-- and she failed to model healthy grief for her daughter. I don't say this as an accusation or to disparage her as a character, but just as a matter of fact. In her, Marcille was seeing herself older and losing a short-lived spouse or loved one of her own, and all she saw was hopelessness.

But her mother didn't mean to instill hopelessness and terror in her. She wasn't really thinking of how it would truly affect Marcille at all (at least, that's how I'm interpreting her looking down and away from Marcille in the metaphor), she was just sad. And she, in her own way, was trying to protect her daughter and help her prepare for future losses.

What she meant was "loss is inevitable, and you have to learn how to be in pain but live on anyway." What Marcille heard was "loss is inevitable, and you will be scared and hurt for the rest of your life."

Again. Marcille's mother doesn't feature explicitly in the story the way her father does -- but in so many ways, her shadow, her silhouette, her reflection is always hanging over Marcille.

All that to say... headcanon-wise (everything from here on is 100% without evidence lmao), I'd like to think that she matured and realized that she failed Marcille. I imagine her being regretful about it, wanting a chance to fix it but never finding a way to insert herself back into Marcille's life when Marcille is so so so busy becoming the most accomplished mage possible. I imagine her being herself again, now, so many years after her loss and after remarrying -- but with her cheerfulness tempered with a lot more wisdom and the pain of having gone through loss like that. I think the second Marcille actually tells her what happened in the dungeon, she'd want to go running to her daughter again -- if Marcille tells her the full truth instead of just being embarrassed she let things get that far. (oh, the tragedy of her wanting to be more like her mother and an accomplished adult who doesn't need to be babied... being embarrassed to actually tell her mother how much she fucked up...)

There's also the tension of her having remarried -- I know that there's at least a little bit of resentment that Marcille harbours about that, because she's childish like that at heart even if she makes an effort not to externalize it. I think that her mother would be aware of that, potentially adding to her sense of guilt and apprehension at trying to reappear/intrude on Marcille's life. I honestly don't think Marcille has met her stepfather -- or even considers him a stepfather rather than "mama's new husband" and kind of a total stranger. I think she and her mother actively don't talk about it in their correspondence, like an elephant in the room.

but, ultimately, I think her mother is on her side no matter what. Ancient magic? Dark necromancy? Sure, she'll feel guilty and like she was partially responsible for setting Marcille down such a painful path, but she wouldn't care. that's her daughter!! she would've moved back west and been petitioning for her at the court, buying a house right next to the Canaries barracks and visiting her every day that she wasn't on a mission. And if her husband had opinions on Marcille becoming a "dark arts user," he either gets over it or it's divorce with him. Yes, she might have had her optimism completely humbled by losing Donato like that -- but she's still headstrong and self-assured and she doesn't care what people think of her. It's her way or the highway and she's always going to be in Marcille's corner.

(She also needs a name lol. I went with Juno, just to be cute about "Marcille"s closest real life equivalent being Marcella, which is the female version of Marcellus, which in turn is a diminutive of Marcus, which was derived from Mars. Absolutely in love with Marcille potentially being named after Ares/Mars the fucking god of war btw)

[shoot-i-messed-up]

in the trenches fighting demons rn bc a very good dc fanfic writer who has written at least one very good hal jordan keeps perpetuating the hal jordan is stupid myth on tumblr.com

[yuwuta]

oh also more mha updates

i…… i like monoma. he’s so Real to me

izuku and all might are dead fucking wrong if you think about it for more than two seconds, and it only makes me double down on my belief that if i were katsuki i’d have been so much worse

denki <3 my absolute beloved baby girl

i have feelings for kirishima i absolutely do he is sooooo earnest and darling

i said i didn’t care for dabi and in some ways i don’t but also i do. he’s kinda funny. the rest of the league is really annoying to me tho and i couldn’t care less about their sob stories and why they think their villainry is valid

in particular i find shigaraki and toga extremely annoying

endeavor really is such a bitch i had no idea this man was so terrible

it’s so cute how nezu is always in aizawa’s scarf

it’s kind of sad how aizawa seems to be the only teacher/adult to see through katsuki. everyone else teases him and makes light of him being a grump but he’s been through so much shit and still persists and then he gets called aggressive and intense in his pursuit of what he wants. and to top it all off he’s being gaslight by his favorite hero and deku… man. i want everybody to leave him alone

when is shinsou coming back i miss him

[kit-k4t-p4ddy-w4ck]

The Void Can’t Fucking Have You!

I am so Goddamn angry.

I just want to hear your voice

and know you're ok.

I want to scream and shriek and wail.

I want to stomp my feet and punch holes in the wall.

I am so fucking angry.

I hate him.

your mother is a useless bitch.

you won’t fight for yourself.

And I feel fucking guilty.

I’m so Goddamn angry.

I know it's not my fault,

But deep in my heart…

I can’t shake the feeling.

The resentment,

The shame,

The fear,

The guilt.

I just miss you.

I miss you so fucking much.

I’d do anything to know,

To know…

You completely.

To help…

You grow.

To hold…

You tight.

To love…

You forever.

To be stronger than I am.

To help more than I do.

To be more than I can.

To stare into the fucking void and watch it cower.

To feel… whole.

To feel… alive.

To feel… powerful.

Everything’s a blur,

A haze,

A fog,

Rain, Rain, Rain—

brings nothing but

Pain. Pain. Pain.

I am so fucking angry.

I pray to God,

“Please make you ok.

Make you strong.

Watch over you.”

I pray to The Void,

“Please take my strength.

Take my heart.

Have my soul.

Cut and carve and break me.

Just please don’t make me.

I can’t live without her…

Please. Please. Please!

Oh. Great. Void!

Please!

Just give her back to me.”

-the silence makes a home in the cracks between my mind.

And in the heart of the Palace,

Deep in the Cathedral of My Soul

is you.

My poem for @picklemafia and @cherrypicked-insanity's prompt--- Void. Great prompt, babes!!! :)))

[akuma-tenshi]

i forgot just how fucking fun ithaqua is to write

[thedragonagelesbian]

@hexblooddruid yeah augh i love them so much........ maybe 2025 will be the year i finally finish the fic where they get together; the parts i've drafted so far have some of my favorite bits & pieces of cyrus writing, period, cyrus is so raw & vulnerable & tired & angry & scared, and it forces him to really reckon with what he wants/needs just as it forces varric to be sincere, direct, and apologetic in response, instead of hiding from his feelings like he has for years & sublimating them into his writing.

it's "After all, even before you became the Champion, you were always the hero, weren’t you?" “Don’t you see that that’s the problem?! I can’t always… I can’t…” and "Like either I’m the hero, or I… or I’m nothing.” “Oh… oh, shit, Kn- Cyrus, no,” Varric said quickly. “That’s not it at all.” “You just said—” “Forget that!” and "you're you" you're you! you're you!!!!

[illusion-reality-steve]

Shadow Sabre has personally attacked me with his impeccable timing.

He said, "You continue to go to these locations expecting a different outcome and yet it doesn't seem they change," while I was in the middle of reading Nintendo news to find any hints of a Tomodachi Life Switch port.

*offended sputtering*

Shut up, Shadow Sabre. I know you're right, but shut up.

Episode link

[1800duckhotline]

again i dont wanna talk about it explicitly in public, and i def think my lack of self-confidence in writing depends on many factors. but the main damning thing that ruined it for me might've really been roleplaying. remember everyone never participate in disorganized roleplay discord groups with 50+ people. and especially never mod one because it'll ruin the experience for you forever.

[lasnevadaslaborunion]

The Dangerous Gift was not my favorite Wings of Fire book, but the last third of it... damn. Jerboa's treatment of her daughter being the worst possible incarnation of a parent afraid of letting their child be their own person - juxtaposed with that final scene in which Queen Glacier's memory reveals that she would have stood aside and peacefully surrendered her throne because in her eyes, all of her daughters were already worthy of it - that made my heart ache.

[ssreeder]

YAAAAAAAY the new chapter was *chefs kiss* !!! THANK YOU!!!!!! I‘m so excited to see how Zuko and Azula will interact once they meet ( which they hopefully will??). I love their sibling relationship it‘s so interesting and sad.

I AM SO HAPPY YOU ENJOYED!!!!! It was one of my faves lots of zukka moments both bitter and sweet

Also at your Zuko & Azula interacting??????

can’t wait <3

[literaryvein-reblogs]

more words to describe your character's feelings

Doubt

begrudge, controvert, despair, disapprove, disbelieve, discountenance, dissent, fume, hesitate, lovelorn, mind, mistrust, objection, oppugn, question, reject, repudiate, rue, scruple, skepticism, suspect, wonder

Elated

affect, alleviate, appeal, appeasement, arrest, attract, awe, bedazzle, bemuse, brighten, charm, defuse, divert, elevate, enamor, encourage, endear, enliven, enthrall, enticement, excite, fascinate, fortify, galvanize, gladden, gratify, hearten, inflame, inspire, interest, invigorate, lighten, matter, perk up, prod, rally, reassure, rouse, satisfy, strike, tantalize, temper, tickle, touch, wake/waken, whet

Fear

apprehension, dismay, horror, panic, terror, trepidation

Hate

abhor, abominate, aggression, anger, antagonism, atrocity, bad blood, blow up, burn, deplore, detest, disdain, disinclination, disrespect, dissent, enmity, execrate, frown, fury, horror, incivility, inhumanity, lament/lamentation, loathe, malice, odium, outrage, pique, rancor, resent, revulsion, seethe, spite, umbrage, venom, wrath

Love

acceptance, admiration, adoration, adulation, affection, amour, appreciate, approval, attention, bask, bewitched, canonize, charity, consideration, constancy, delight in, dig, discrimination, dote on/dote upon, enamored, enjoy, esteem, exult, fall for, fascinated, favor, flame, fond, get a kick out of, gratitude, idolize, leaning, like, mad, mercy, passion, predilection, prize, rapture, respect, revere/reverence, savor, taste, thrill, treasure, venerate, zeal

Of concern

afraid, alarm, anxiety, apprehension, concern, craze, dismay, distraction, distress, encumbrance, feeling, foreboding, guilt, hang up, horror, jitters, jumpy, misgiving, obsession, one-track mind, passion, petrified, puzzled, question, suspicion, terror, trouble, weight, wonder, worry

Surprise

alarm, appall, astound, backfire, bedazzle, bewilder, confound, dazzle, dumbfound, electrify, frighten, overwhelm, petrify, shock, startle, stun, stupefy, terrify

NOTE

The above are concepts classified according to subject and usage. It not only helps writers and thinkers to organize their ideas but leads them from those very ideas to the words that can best express them.

It was, in part, created to turn an idea into a specific word. By linking together the main entries that share similar concepts, the index makes possible creative semantic connections between words in our language, stimulating thought and broadening vocabulary.

Source ⚜ Writing Basics & Refreshers ⚜ On Vocabulary Definitions of Emotions in Psychology ⚜ More Word Alternatives for Emotions

[microwaving-tesilid-argente]

throws the hestio/reed fic into the trash, yeah this fic is impossible if i want to keep them both in character orz. and it's literally impossible to keep the original Vibes that i wanted it to have.

the longer i thought about how these two might realistically behave, the more it was turning into a story with all the themes and emotional beats of a yandere story.

the horror of no longer recognising someone you had trusted more than life itself. the terror when you realise you can't predict how they'll act, because all the things they've done ever since they've unmasked was way outside what a normal human being would even think of. you don't even know if you'll be safe, even if this person has shown some signs of wanting you to be safe. the feeling of being gaslit because everything you believed to be commonsense has turned out to be false and now you don't know what to believe in. the information gap is so big that you know you could manipulated if he wanted it, and there's nothing you can do about it. the nausea when the person engages in atrocities and you feel like you have to pretend to be okay about it or they might off you. knowing for sure that you're powerless to resist in any way, so your best bet is to keep them happy.

like, this is horrifically fleshed out actually and i'm sure there's someone out there who would love to read a story like this, but it's not my vibe. if anyone wants to write this feel free to DM me i'll give you the plot i've written so far lol

wrings reed by the neck i just want to give you a little bit of happiness ! ! ! !! !! why are you making things so difficult

[astrolook]

✦🌒The Moon in You: Where You Crave, Connect, and Collapse🫀🕳️

Note: These are all my personal observations and patterns I've noticed over the years. Take what resonates with you more and leave the rest. Lemme know in the comments if it hits home!

The Moon is where your body holds emotions, where your cravings reside, where safety and surrender blend into one. It rules instincts, erotic memory, the way you want to be held, touched, or simply understood. Locate where your Moon is in your Vedic chart!

Moon in 1st - needing skin-to-skin contact, impulsive sex, quickies for emotional reassurance, morning-after cuddles, exhibitionism in private settings, mirror sex (seeing yourself being loved), soft dom/sub with praise, being touched often, celebratory sex after emotional wins, birthday sex, body worship, needing emotional foreplay, deep kissing as regulation, sex that starts from eye contact, needy subspace, mood-driven sex, “make it about me” kink, being fucked with affection, crying from being seen, passion that shifts fast, chasing validation through touch, collapsing when ignored, needing to be reassured during sex, orgasm as emotional release, making love in shared spaces, craving emotional recognition during pleasure, emotional mirroring in bed, touching your own body while they watch, homebody kink, touch as grounding, sex tied to mood, clinging during climax, over-identifying with desire, disappearing when needs aren’t met.

Moon in 2nd - slow, intentional sex, deep kissing with weight behind it, giving oral as devotion, slow undressing, sensual bondage, earning trust before play, possession kink, needing consistency to feel aroused, sex in safe familiar spaces, “prove it” kink, craving reliability in lovers, staying in bed after, long foreplay, ritualistic touch, praise for patience, orgasm as reward, needing to be held after, emotional security kink, money kink (emotional currency), massage before penetration, feeling used when not seen, silent resentment during sex, investing in someone who won’t stay, hating casual touch, craving loyalty more than lust, earthy submission, kissing every inch slowly, being told they’re safe now, crying when sex feels one-sided, physical affection as proof of love, grinding slowly in rhythm, emotional shutdown when ignored, giving too much without return, needing to be wanted consistently, collapsing when love doesn’t grow.

Moon in 3rd - talking during sex, overstimulation kink, whispering dirty confessions, mental domination, love as obsession, brainy foreplay, being told exactly what to do, fear of saying the wrong thing during intimacy, orgasm with eye contact and words, needing verbal reassurance, feeling rejected when misunderstood, craving lovers who “get” your mind, humiliation kink, sex after arguments, spiraling after hookups, edging with intense internal pressure, guilt during arousal, emotional overexposure, anxious touch, need to narrate feelings during sex, craving mental control, fear of vulnerability through speech, overstimulation leading to shut down, submitting through logic, writing fantasies no one sees, begging for clarity, sex to quiet the mind, fear of being boring, emotional masochism, wanting to be unraveled mentally, crying from being misunderstood, needing to explain desires, shame kink, losing words mid-climax, craving someone who speaks your emotional language, touch that calms the panic.

Moon in 4th - spooning sex, slow touch under blankets, soft dom/sub with emotional care, sex at home only, needing emotional intimacy before arousal, breast/nipple worship, craving to be held more than fucked, hand-holding during climax, melancholic masturbation, emotional withdrawal during sex, kissing that feels like remembering, sex to feel close after distance, aftercare as foreplay, making love to sad music, crying silently during intimacy, being touched when you’re numb, emotional avoidance kink, needing reassurance mid-sex, longing for past lovers, hating casual sex but doing it anyway, silent longing, delayed arousal, playing hard to reach, giving affection quietly, memory-triggered arousal, clingy subspace, emotional shutdown mid-act, slow oral with eye contact, sex as emotional grounding, mood-dependent desire, nostalgic kink, fear of being too much, being held until you soften, pleasure that feels like safety, sadness when they pull away after sex.

Moon in 5th - performative sex, praise kink, being watched while touching yourself, riding for eye contact, fighting then fucking, bratty submission, needing applause in bed, striptease as emotional offering, orgasm as validation, hair pulling with affection, jealousy-driven sex, dramatic dirty talk, sex as show, needing to be chosen loudly, thigh grabbing, competitive teasing, passionate roleplay, sex as self-expression, giving head like a power move, being taken hard then held tight, push-pull dynamics, show-off kink, quick sex in risky places, craving to be admired naked, flirting as survival, fear of being boring in bed, collapsing when ignored, emotional highs and lows, climax as catharsis, rage sex, making love like it’s the last time, needing reassurance after dominance, deeply attached to who gives you pleasure, using sex to forget self-doubt, wanting to be someone’s favorite/ best.

Moon in 6th - needing to be needed, sex as care, slow touches, proving love through effort, devotion kink, tired but still giving, healing through hands, folding laundry as foreplay, feeding each other, craving consistency, emotional fatigue, love through labor, collapsing into touch, being good enough, invisible service, resentment kink, needing permission to rest, quiet submission, emotional routine, wanting to be useful, staying for duty, guilt-driven sex, loving through chores, overwhelmed but loyal, held in the kitchen, soft control, burnout lust, safe hands, waiting to be noticed, love as responsibility, craving structure, emotional routines as intimacy, building love brick by brick, care that aches.

Moon in 7th - needing to be met, quiet sex, stillness between bodies, emotional mirroring, craving closeness without noise, being held without fixing, collapsing into someone, sleeping skin to skin, sex as peace offering, unspoken need, love that doesn’t rush, fear of being misunderstood, freezing during intimacy, needing someone to stay, soft domination, being seen in silence, delayed touch, touch with meaning, avoiding conflict, love that feels like rest, sexual pause, absence kink, calm after crying, fear of being too much, emotional distance, shutdown moments, needing presence not passion, ache behind the eyes, sharing space without pressure, fear of not being chosen, wanting to be wanted gently, mirror sex, touch that asks nothing, tenderness under tension.

Moon in 8th - craving to be undone, obsessive desire, emotional possession, losing yourself in someone, sex as surrender, trauma bonding, needing to be consumed, grief kink, pain turned erotic, fantasy addiction, emotional shapeshifting, love that haunts, fear of abandonment, jealous lust, hidden affairs, craving what’s forbidden, deep eye contact, psychic sex, wanting to be broken open, emotional overwhelm, touch as power, guilt after pleasure, erotic control, sexual secrecy, drowning in options, yearning for one true bond, confusing love with escape, haunting memories, sex that feels like drowning, intense fantasies, trust as kink, emotional chaos, pleasure with consequences, devotion that hurts, wanting to be changed.

Moon in 9th - sex in unfamiliar places, long-distance obsession, love letters before sex, edging for hours, overstimulation, emotional masochism, tantric sex, deep-throating as offering, craving mind-opening sex, praise during penetration, needing to be worshipped, teacher-student kink, being talked through climax, wanting to feel "changed" by sex, holding eye contact while finishing, performance pressure, missionary with meaning, sex that feels like a quest, craving someone “wiser,” overstretched libido, emotional pain during orgasm, collapse after giving too much, begging to be understood, guilt after sex, carrying emotional weight during kink, crying mid-thrust, taking too much to prove love, rough sex with meaning, overstaying in hookups, submission as learning, needing to be “taught a lesson,” loving from afar, losing yourself to their philosophy, deep convos then deep sex, craving sacred kink, feeling broken after casual sex.

Moon in 10th - needing control, sex with rules, withholding touch, wanting to be wanted but hiding it, slow sex with full clothes on, fear of being messy, approval kink, being told “you’re enough,” sex as pressure release, mommy/daddy kink, boss/employee kink, teacher/student kink, needing structure to feel safe, silent dominance, staying composed during orgasm, slow undressing as foreplay, locked jaw during oral, craving recognition more than pleasure, holding back tears during sex, praise kink, sex to prove you're capable, public/private contrast, needing to be useful in bed, being taken care of but resisting it, routine sex as stability, fear of being exposed, letting someone see you lose control, being bossy but fragile, begging quietly, trying to be perfect, sex that feels like a job, staying in roles too long, reward-based intimacy, emotional detachment during climax, sex with one safe person only, touch as proof, clinging without showing it, breakdown behind the scenes.

Moon in 11th - sex with friends, watching others, voyeurism, secret affairs, emotional distance kink, quiet jealousy, friends with benefits, craving group acceptance, poly fantasies, exhibitionism with detachment, ghosting guilt, fucking with eye contact then disappearing, wanting to be the exception, soft manipulation, flirtation as currency, emotional withdrawal during climax, casual sex with deep hopes, dirty talk over text, group sex with one true focus, hiding arousal, lying about feelings, needing to feel chosen, anonymous hookup kink, trust issues in intimacy, being fucked while pretending not to care, avoiding attachment, guilt after pleasure, intimacy as rebellion, intellectual seduction, emotional betrayal kink, fear of being used, craving to be “in,” slow reveal fantasies, friendship-to-sex pipeline, rejection sensitivity, playing it cool while needing connection, sex to feel relevant, needing safe distance.

Moon in 12th - soft surrender, spiritual kink, sex in the dark, crying after orgasm, erotic aftercare, silent sex, losing yourself in them, needing emotional safety before touch, bath sex, craving to be saved, dreamy eye contact, being held more than fucked, merging kink, sex that feels like floating, loving unavailable people, healing sex, body worship, falling in love too fast, needy subspace, sex as escape, needing to feel chosen on a soul level, kissing until it hurts, devotion kink, self-sacrifice during sex, mistress, side chick/side guy, stealing other's partner, experienced/ inexperienced kink, erotic dissociation, deep cuddling after, emotional absorption, sex that feels like goodbye, writing poems about them after, shame around pleasure, craving emotional absolution, edging with music, wanting to disappear into moans, priest/priestess kink, being taken gently but completely, lost time during sex, being fucked like a prayer, orgasm as release from loneliness.

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