#hestioreed

[microwaving-tesilid-argente]

(major s-class heroine spoilers)

made the mistake of briefly considering reed/hestio, and then thinking about how hestio might react to learning that the mass murderer in front of him was once his extremely kind and upright friend who always gave too much of himself to others. i got socked in the gut by the throwback to my own grief when discovering that reed=tesilid.

like. what and how much has he gone through that he has thrown away the morals and self-sacrifice he internalised so much. what do you mean he killed his younger self in the most cruel and painful way he could think of. what do you mean that even he himself was not kind to himself. that, even after a hundred lifetimes, he still hasn't learned the slightest shred of self-love and is acting only in self-preservation. what do you mean that he has been running on fumes and desperation for several lifetimes? he probably hasn't had the time to even grieve and cry for himself. has there been anyone who could even do so for him? what do you mean he's tried every means possible to save the world, and then just himself, and then had no choice but to try to kill himself, but even that didn't work so now he's forced to try to kill everyone else too. what do you mean that this isn't just an issue of mental health and of convincing him that life is worth living? there is genuinely no conceivable path forward for him. maybe the world should just burn or something idk.

[teshes-brainrot]

ohhhh the problem is that:

genderbend AU: idk what ailette's original plan for after she falls into the abyss is -> dk how to characterise her

hestioreed: idk how the 6 heroes originally imprisoned reed, nor reed's original plans for destroying the world -> dk how to write the plot

[microwaving-tesilid-argente]

my fixation has gone from giving tesilid the horrors to giving hestio the horrors. he's now the newborn chaos of the 101st round and ephael and hestio jr are absolutely horrified by the insanity in his eyes + how nonchalant tesilid is about it all. the evil red-eyed hestio is pacing around the room thinking aloud about his evil plans to destroy the world, and tesilid is giving him oogly eyes. what has the world come to.

[microwaving-tesilid-argente]

forget everything i said about ditching the hestio/reed fic. i'm forced to turn it into a slow burn enemies to lovers fic that will inevitably need like 20k words before i even get to the emotional beats that i was aiming for at the start.

[microwaving-tesilid-argente]

throws the hestio/reed fic into the trash, yeah this fic is impossible if i want to keep them both in character orz. and it's literally impossible to keep the original Vibes that i wanted it to have.

the longer i thought about how these two might realistically behave, the more it was turning into a story with all the themes and emotional beats of a yandere story.

the horror of no longer recognising someone you had trusted more than life itself. the terror when you realise you can't predict how they'll act, because all the things they've done ever since they've unmasked was way outside what a normal human being would even think of. you don't even know if you'll be safe, even if this person has shown some signs of wanting you to be safe. the feeling of being gaslit because everything you believed to be commonsense has turned out to be false and now you don't know what to believe in. the information gap is so big that you know you could manipulated if he wanted it, and there's nothing you can do about it. the nausea when the person engages in atrocities and you feel like you have to pretend to be okay about it or they might off you. knowing for sure that you're powerless to resist in any way, so your best bet is to keep them happy.

like, this is horrifically fleshed out actually and i'm sure there's someone out there who would love to read a story like this, but it's not my vibe. if anyone wants to write this feel free to DM me i'll give you the plot i've written so far lol

wrings reed by the neck i just want to give you a little bit of happiness ! ! ! !! !! why are you making things so difficult

[microwaving-tesilid-argente]

im having this problem when brainstorming for the genderbend au and it's called "i keep thinking 'reed should kiss hestio actually' "

[microwaving-tesilid-argente]

the number of sort-of-but-not-really-done fics i have is a little crazy and (personally) upsetting. at the moment i have:

vinchester brothers shared nightmare sequel (tesilid focus) - whole sequence plotted out, i just need to fill it in with words

hestioreed fic- same progress and state as above

hestioreed fic sequel - ok i don't actually know how the plot will unfold, but i have a start and end in mind and several scenes already written so it's not nothing and i can definitely see it become a full-fledged fic

teshes interlude fic that can also be read without the teshes - literally almost done as well

tesilette soulmate writing AU - literally it's almost done but i still can't publish it because there are still some very important holes edit: DONE

genderbend AU - i have literally the 1st 2k words at a publishable state already, except it's still somehow only a third of what the first chapter is supposed to be. why does the word count of this fic keep ballooning?!??

like wym i have this many fics in the backburner and probably 7k++ worth of words ready to publish (excluding the genderbend fic, bc that in itself probably already has 10k worth of cleaned-up scenes), and they still can't see the light of day. what's up with that. wym i still need to find the time and energy to reread all that and figure out how to arrange the words on the screen.