#hestioreed
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(major s-class heroine spoilers)
made the mistake of briefly considering reed/hestio, and then thinking about how hestio might react to learning that the mass murderer in front of him was once his extremely kind and upright friend who always gave too much of himself to others. i got socked in the gut by the throwback to my own grief when discovering that reed=tesilid.
like. what and how much has he gone through that he has thrown away the morals and self-sacrifice he internalised so much. what do you mean he killed his younger self in the most cruel and painful way he could think of. what do you mean that even he himself was not kind to himself. that, even after a hundred lifetimes, he still hasn't learned the slightest shred of self-love and is acting only in self-preservation. what do you mean that he has been running on fumes and desperation for several lifetimes? he probably hasn't had the time to even grieve and cry for himself. has there been anyone who could even do so for him? what do you mean he's tried every means possible to save the world, and then just himself, and then had no choice but to try to kill himself, but even that didn't work so now he's forced to try to kill everyone else too. what do you mean that this isn't just an issue of mental health and of convincing him that life is worth living? there is genuinely no conceivable path forward for him. maybe the world should just burn or something idk.
#s-class heroine spoilers#insert that orv livetweet screenshot here. so what if everyone dies and is frozen in time#THE LONGER YOU THINK ABOUT TESILID WITHOUT AILETTE THE WORSE IT GETSSSSSS#man the juxtaposition between reed and tutorial tesilid is truly the worst and best thing ever#tesilid's character development is sooo good#the way it all happens off screen but you can see how it happened and it makes horrifying sense#it scratches an itch in my monkey brain#it really has kept me entertained for 6 months huh....#anyway me going 'hey look fun thought experiment' and then got hit in the face with 'hey this is a good premise to-#-externalise the shock and grief and horror that readers feel when they reach the Big Reveal'#ive been thinking 'man i sure have strayed pretty far from the source material these days'#well apparently not. i've come full circle or something#hestioreed
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ohhhh the problem is that:
genderbend AU: idk what ailette's original plan for after she falls into the abyss is -> dk how to characterise her
hestioreed: idk how the 6 heroes originally imprisoned reed, nor reed's original plans for destroying the world -> dk how to write the plot
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my fixation has gone from giving tesilid the horrors to giving hestio the horrors. he's now the newborn chaos of the 101st round and ephael and hestio jr are absolutely horrified by the insanity in his eyes + how nonchalant tesilid is about it all. the evil red-eyed hestio is pacing around the room thinking aloud about his evil plans to destroy the world, and tesilid is giving him oogly eyes. what has the world come to.
#mimin trying to write#hestio gets to go through it in TWO ways in this fic thats so fantastic#on the one hand you have chaos!hestio who is absolutely traumatised and insane#on the other you have younger hestio who 1. is scared shitless 2. can no longer recognise the love of his life and#3. has to watch said love of his life oogle his older self (who is. as we said earlier. insane and homicidal.)#hehe new stressball#tosses hestio into the blender as well. in you go!#the biggest problem in this fic (non existent plot aside) is that idk how to address the two hestios#reed named himself after the memory of a red-eyed hestio appearing before him in one of the later rounds whr he was sick of life#and the hestio asked 'are you reed' and when tesilid said 'who' that hestio just sighed and vanished#(left that timeline to keep trying to find the 101st)#like i think hestio sr and hestio jr are extremely funny names but thats the thing theyre too unserious#hestioreed
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forget everything i said about ditching the hestio/reed fic. i'm forced to turn it into a slow burn enemies to lovers fic that will inevitably need like 20k words before i even get to the emotional beats that i was aiming for at the start.
#mimin trying to write#hestioreed#like im still trying to figure out the logistics of hestio getting around to seeing reed's pov and sympathizing with him#and the stockhold syndrome vibes are really leaving a bad taste in my mouth#like reed's not keeping hestio hostage but he may as well be with how much power he has relative to hestio#hestio can run anywhere in the world and never actually escape#like atp their dynamic is incredibly screwed up and hestio is like a pet mouse that some deranged person keeps around just to#see what it will do. if it will die if left alone or if itll flourish or something#but also their potential dynamic afterwards ??!?!???#reed is the only version of tesilid that is THIS unrestrained#like yeah okay hes trying to kill the world too whatever but also consider: hes doing all sort of other shit too#only version of tesilid that is mean to hestio too or something like that i dont know#s-class heroine spoilers#poor hestio is truly going through it in this fic and always like thiiisss close to a breakdown but tbh so is reed#none of their lives are okay when ailette isnt in the picture lets be real#the strict order is truly kind of fucked for putting them in a world like that
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throws the hestio/reed fic into the trash, yeah this fic is impossible if i want to keep them both in character orz. and it's literally impossible to keep the original Vibes that i wanted it to have.
the longer i thought about how these two might realistically behave, the more it was turning into a story with all the themes and emotional beats of a yandere story.
the horror of no longer recognising someone you had trusted more than life itself. the terror when you realise you can't predict how they'll act, because all the things they've done ever since they've unmasked was way outside what a normal human being would even think of. you don't even know if you'll be safe, even if this person has shown some signs of wanting you to be safe. the feeling of being gaslit because everything you believed to be commonsense has turned out to be false and now you don't know what to believe in. the information gap is so big that you know you could manipulated if he wanted it, and there's nothing you can do about it. the nausea when the person engages in atrocities and you feel like you have to pretend to be okay about it or they might off you. knowing for sure that you're powerless to resist in any way, so your best bet is to keep them happy.
like, this is horrifically fleshed out actually and i'm sure there's someone out there who would love to read a story like this, but it's not my vibe. if anyone wants to write this feel free to DM me i'll give you the plot i've written so far lol
wrings reed by the neck i just want to give you a little bit of happiness ! ! ! !! !! why are you making things so difficult
#mimin trying to write#s-class heroine spoilers#hestioreed#part of the problem is that reed and hestio exist on very different planes#ailette is able to feel sympathy for reed bc she knew him first as a reader#and knew from the start that he was a regressor who has been through the unthinkable#hestio is still in the 'oh my god tesilid came out a little wrong after greenwall' stage#youre a couple thousand years off my man#and he learns about reed firstly through umm. checks notes. reed killing ephael outside the door and then coming in to kill hestio too#and then his many atrocities#theyre unsalvageable i fear#i managed to give hestio a reason to still want to hear reed's answer even despite resenting him for killing his best friends#(understatement of the century)#but the real problem is that reed is unrecognisable#his entire moral code has taken a 180#and the thousands of years (and new outlook on life) has changed his mannerisms#rip the vibes were a cool idea but they simply cannot hold water#there is no way hestio can stay in the same room with him and not feel a bone-deep feeling of wrongness and abject terror
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just realised that "fall into the abyss with me" is exactly what happens in the hestio/reed fic.
ailette refuses because she has hope that she can save both the world and tesilid.
hestio ((& ephael)) do not. reed does not. they have the evidence of a hundred timelines where they were together and yet things did not work out. tesilid is left with only this option. round 100 hestio has to choose between accompanying tesilid in the last leg of his life and... the absolute dogshit, may-as-well-not-exist option of dooming tesilid to a fate worse than death. he doesn't really have a choice at all.
just like reed, sparing the world isn't an option
#s-class heroine spoilers#mimin trying to write#HESTIO VILLAIN ERA#reed actually tries to off hestio first but chickened out at the last second lmfao#bc he didnt want to see hestio lose complete faith in him and become an enemy etc etc etc#(bc unlike w ailette. hestio isnt some faint long-lost dream. he was there in every regression.)#(seeing hestio oppose him would hurt in ways that ailette doing so would not)#but then hestio does a 180 and goes dude that fucking sucks no wonder you're like this now#DO YOU SEE MY VISION#spoiling the entire fic here bc its not gg to get written in the next three months at least#i hv to write at least 2 fics as set up first 😭😭😭😭#anyway i wish i had time to draw 😭😭 REED/HES WOULD LOOK REALLY GOOD STANDING SIDE BY SIDE#they both have long black hair that would be fun#HESTIO BRAIDING REED'S HAIR#EXPLODES EXPLODES EXPLODES#hestioreed
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lying face flat on the floor passed out, vatican trio and their "if i get news of you dying another time i'll fucking get you" and "please take care of my friend this time as well".
the way that their designs are both archetypes that suggest they're not super in touch with their emotions (aloof black-haired guy and airheaded jock) but they're in fact both so casual and vocal about how much tesilid means to them
#s-class heroine spoilers#vatican trio#thinking once again about how hestio and ephael are clearly very good friends to tesilid and about how#this is not necessarily good news considering his. regressions.#tapas comments sections being like 'oh nooo tesilid has to regress so many times and ailettes not there'#me shoving it all aside and being like 'AAAAAAA tesilid has his friends by his side but they dont remember what he does!!!!!!!'#thinking about that one post thats like can we be more insane about friendships. no more insane than that. no more than that#thats me im like yeah okay romance is cool only in the seventeenth is cool but what about being in every round that sucks#i think if friendship was a major theme in canon i would be more normal about this but unfortunately this doesnt seem to be the case#so ill just cook my own food.....#still. props to irinbi for including such wholesome friendships even if they arent the focus#man i want to write another vatican trio fic but i have no ideas or vibes in my head#i want to read another one of festering wound / the 2nd fic but like ive already written that fic#its already done why do i feel the itch to write another one like it#gngngngng i need the three of them to be less normal about each other#hestio & ephael i understand bc to their knowledge tesilid is fine he may have had a near death exp but he has a girlfriend now#not that having a girlfriend automatically erases trauma but he certainly did not appreciate them being around the two of them lmao#but like. shakes tesilid. can you be less normal about them. think about them in your head sometimes maybe#i know youve probably seen them everyday for the last [censored] number of years but please throw me a bone#i want to see hestio and ephael reacting to the knowledge that tesilid has regressed for god knows how long#wait thats the plot of the hestioreed fic maybe its time to go back to that#screw the prequel itll get done when it gets done....#hm thats also the plot of the genderbend au but that au has tesilette and im just kinda 😭 not interested in writing romance#or more specifically the falling in love process. i just want them already in the blender that is one sided pining
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im having this problem when brainstorming for the genderbend au and it's called "i keep thinking 'reed should kiss hestio actually' "
#s-class heroine spoilers#i think this is my sign to go back to writing that hestioreed story#but also genderbend reed is much less insane and thats fun#shes more pathetic soggy meow meow#if you swung genderbend reed around the whole room would be splattered with the rainwater that gets thrown off her body#shes drenched and sad and shivering#you try to pick her up and she starts yowling and scratching#meanwhile canon reed would be like. cat that sees you from across the room and runs over to scratch your eyes out#its not a gender thing its a being crushed under the weight of love thing
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you know what. maybe ill shelve the genderbend AU for now, quite clearly i just want to write tesilid just barely holding back from destroying the world and it's seeping into the genderbend AU where it doesn't really belong. back to the hestioreed fic i go.
#....but also tesilina is different from the reed in this AU...?#the catharsis from there is very diff from the angst in this fic...#theres actually very little catharsis in this one bc reed is shown to be caring more than he otherwise would... :/#and hestio obviously is more inclined towards saving the world than otherwise#and the key catharsis that has me hooked there is the idea of a messed up tesilid being the one who smacks down reed and save the world#i think it would be funny.... very ironic at least#but plotwise and theme-wise it makes very little sense#it feels like it belongs in another story#unless.... no... i shant.......#but what if i just write 2 diff genderbend AUs.............
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