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enmstorytime · 2 days ago

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The Vulnerable Writer: Chapter 6

To my knowledge, I am the only professor in the history of humankind to have willingly subjected himself to being stripped naked and forced to come at the hands of his students. As I sat naked in my office, my students having claimed today's clothing, and my heart pounding as I snuck peeks out of my office window to observe the parking lot slowly empty, I had a lot of time to think.

Most of my thoughts were geared toward thinking about how I would ever live this down. How could I go back to my students tomorrow, strip completely naked and teach them with any hope that they would respect me after they had shredded my clothing today and jerked me off (and if I'm being honest, they hadn't really jerked me off, I got so caught up in the sensation of them looking at me that I didn't even last a full minute from my cock flopping out of my underwear to my seed spilling across the classroom floor). If I kept going back to class and stripping completely naked, how long would it be before a student snuck a picture and posted me online, or before a more pious student decided to report me to my department head, or before I was caught in any of the other million ways that I could be caught.

But if I went back on my word? I knew I was more likely to be reported if I broke my promise than I would be if I kept showing up to class, stripping down to my birthday suit, and trying to carry on like my cock wasn't flopping around in front of my students and my ass wasn't jiggling unsupported with every nervous step I took.

And what if seeing my entire naked body stopped being motivational for my students? What more would they or could they ask from me?

And if this is successful? A quiet voice whispered in the back of my head.

Our faculty has spent the nearly five years since the COVID pandemic trying to find a way to motivate students to care about their studies. Every academic journal I read had a new study about creative techniques on how to motivate burned out students. To my amazement, once my class had calmed down after my little show, that very first day I spent fully naked in front of them, they all sat up in their seats and paid attention to me for the remainder of class. Sure, most of them weren't looking me in the eye, but instead they were watching my cock swing back and forth, but they had participated like no class I've taught even before the lockdowns. They asked questions, they volunteered to read aloud sections from the essays I'd assigned them. Whenever I asked questions, at least five students raised their hands to answer. I'd never taught a better class in my entire career.

Despite the fact that my face was certainly bright red for the entirety of our class period, or maybe because I was so embarrassed and so vulnerable with my students, we had entered into some kind of reciprocal relationship, where my students were graciously giving me support. The small quiet voice in my brain wanted to do more studies, to write an article about my experience, to see if other professors would be willing to do similar experiments with their students.

Of course, that was out of the question. My administration did not know that I had decided to use these methods. They could not know. Without having those conversations with my administrators, I would never be able to to move forward with any actual research. And I wasn't sure I really wanted to, since it would mean even more time naked in front of students, course after course to collect data.

I cracked the window blinds again, leaning back in my chair so my abs stretched and my armpit hair would have been on full display if anyone walked into the door at that moment. I watched my department head cross the parking lot, climb into his Lexus and drive away. I couldn't deny the thrill of pleasure I felt sitting in my work office, stark naked, watching my boss leave work.

For the next couple of months. I'd walk to my class in my new teaching suit. Wait for class to start, and begin the class by removing all of my clothing, folding it, and draping it over the side of the chair. Then, I would teach my lessons. Class after class, week after week, month after month, I would teach the best lessons of my life, with the most engaged students I could imagine. Whenever anyone started to act up, Cody or Seth would tell them to be quiet, and just like that, classroom tension would be resolved. And I'd walk back and forth across the classroom, my bare feet slapping on the floor, my cock at eye level with all my students.

It was near the end of the semester when my students let me know what they had done. They had all submitted their first vulnerable essays, the ones that had gotten me naked and spilling cum in front of them, to the school's literary magazine, and every last one of them had been published. I beamed with pride, and then the panic set in.

The first email came from my department head. I received it thirty minutes after the class period when my students told me they'd all been accepted for publication. He congratulated me on my accomplishments as a professor and let me know that he would be joining my class the following afternoon to learn more about my methods. Four more emails came in throughout the afternoon from other professors in the department, all of them scheduling opportunities to come observe my class.

With each email, my stomach plummeted. I would have five colleagues sitting in my class tomorrow. I imagined trying to start the day without stripping down and imagined the absolute uproar that would ensue from my students.

The next day, as I walked into class, I made eye contact first with Cody, who smirked at me. He was seated in front of my department head. Along the back wall stood four professors, all of them older, all of them men who had been on my tenure board, all of them men I admired.

I had spent the whole night agonizing about whether to inform them of what they could expect and debating whether or not I could ask them to choose not to attend. In the end I had just left their emails on read, and mentally prepared myself for the fact that five more men would be added to the list of people who would see me teach in the buff.

"Class, you'll notice we have some visitors today," I said as class began, taking off my suit jacket and folding it over the back of my chair at the front of the room.

All eyes went back to the department head, and then they settled back on me. They were waiting, curious to see if I was a man of my word.

"Since you've all performed so well in this department, some of my colleagues have asked to see my teaching methods," I continued.

Cody whooped. My department head cocked an eye brow but remained silent.

I unbuttoned the sleeves of my shirts at the wrists and started to roll them up, my forearms exposed. Then I reached up and loosened my tie and unbuttoned my top button.

"I didn't warn them how relaxed we get in this class," I said.

"Damn straight," Seth said, "We get really fucking relaxed in this class."

And too my amazement, Seth stood up, and started to undress. All eyes were on him as his skin came more and more into view, and within fifteen seconds he had stripped completely naked, his toes wiggling on the floor, his penis swaying. He winked at the head of the department and sat back down.

"Really relaxed," Cody said.

He also stood up and undressed completely. His cock inches away from my department head's face, and I watched my department head's eyes tracking the arc of Cody's dick.

Within a minute, every student had stood up and stripped completely naked. I'd never seen so much male flesh in one room.

"In this class, clothes don't get in the way of our learning," Seth said.

"That's right," I said, feeling grateful to my students. "None of us do."

My department head sat behind Cody watching me as I stripped off my own clothing. Within seconds I stood completely naked in front of my boss, in front of my colleagues, in front of all my naked students. I met my department head's eye.

He sat, one of the only clothed men in the room, and I could see that he was enjoying it. At the thought of my boss being pleased to see me in all my naked glory, I stiffened, my penis pointing directly at the department head.

"Let's get this class started," I said, turning to the chalk board and giving my department head the view of every last inch of my skin.

#enm #gay #12 days of enm-mas

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klavierpanda · 3 days ago

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Why Straws Have One Hole: An Introduction to Homology Part 2

In this post I'll discuss simplicial complexes and how we can use them to make our test for holes simpler and motivate the definitions for simplicial homology! The post is more technical but I have tried to motivate each step.

Simplicial Complexes:

A common theme in topology is to build up our spaces from smaller, simpler spaces. One way of doing this is to use simplices! These are generalisations of triangles to all dimensions:

Image is taken from here

An n-simplex has n+1 verticies and is denoted by its vertices in square brackets: <e₀,...,eₙ>. A simplicial complex is made by gluing simplices together such that the intersection of two simplices is also a simplex that is included in the complex. We also require that any n vertices can define at most one n-simplex in the complex. If some vertices e₀,...,eₙ in a simplicial complex, K, define an n-simplex <e₀,...,eₙ> that is in K, we call <e₀,...,eₙ> an n-face of K.

An example of a simplicial complex is a square where each vertex of the square is a 0 simplex and each edge is a 1-simplex. If instead we considered a solid square, we wouldn't automatically get a simplicial complex because the 2 dimensional part isn't made up of 2-simplices. We fix this by adding an addition 1-simplex bewteen one pair of diagonal points which gives us a simplical complex with four vertices, five 1-simplices and two 2-simplices:

We can construct a great number of spaces using simplices! This construction is only up to homeomorphism but that's all we care about! A simplicial complex that is homeomorphic to a space is called a triangulation of that space. Importantly we can triangulate a straw:

This is the simplest triangulation because having fewer simplices would lead to us having different simplices described by the same vertices.

Simplicial Homology

So why do we care about triangulations? The key here is to notice that the boundary of an n-simplex is a simplicial complex made up of (n-1)-simplices. For example, the boundary of a 2-simplex is a simplicial complex made of three 1-simplices. The idea is to modify our test to only involve simplices because then we only have to check finitely many things! This is where things start to get a bit more technical but I will try my best to motivate each step!

Firstly, we need to introduce a convention in the way we describe simplices. We pick an order for the vertices in our complex to be listed, e.g. for the triangulation of the straw we could pick the order a,b,c,d,e,f. Then any time we write a simplex we must list the vertices in that order. For example, with the order above, <a,b,d> is how we describe the left most 2-simplex. The reason we need this is we are about to start thinking about simplices in a more abstract way and we need a systematic way of writing them.

Now for arguably the weirdest (but most powerful) step. We want a way to talk about the boundary of a simlicial complex as one object and we want a way to say when a particular simplicial complex has no boundary. The motivation for this is we want to talk find the analogue of a loop that we can use to test for holes, that is we want a one dimensional object that doesn't have a boundary. Since we eventually want to count things, it might be prudent to somehow assign numbers to things. As mentioned above, the boundary of an n-simplex can be thought of as the union of (n-1)-simplices and unions of sets are kind of similar to a kind of sum. The idea is to talk about "sums" of simplices. It doesn't really make sense to add simplices but we can sort of just fudge it. This fudging is known as "formal sums" and this is when we say "okay, we don't know what a sum of these things actually is but we study it anyway".

We say the elements of X generate these formal sums.

We then consider the set Cₙ(K) of all the formal sums of n-simplices in a simplicial complex K and we call it the nth simplicial chain group of K and we call elements of Cₙ(K) n-chains. We say that the rank of Cₙ(K) is the number of elements of X. Note that the sum or difference of two chains is again a chain.

The rank of C₂(K) is 1 and the rank of C₁(K) and of C₀(K) is 3.

We can now also give meaning to a simplex that is written in a different order to our chosen order. Given an ordered list of vertices, we can swap two elements around to get a different ordered list. If n is the number of swaps it takes to get an ordered list of vertices into our chosen order, we say that the simplex with vertices written in a different order is equal to the element of Cₙ(K) given by (-1)ⁿ times the simplex with the vertices written in our chosen order.

Now we want to figure out how to represent the boundary as a map from Cₙ(K) to Cₙ₋₁(K) since the boundary of an n-simplex is made up of (n-1)-simplices.

The full representation of this map is a bit detailed so I will stick to the case when n is less than or equal to 2 since that's all we need. The definition of this boundary map only depends on what it does to the simplices because it comes from considering their boundaries. So we will say that the boundary map applied to a formal sum is just the formal sum of the map applied to each simplex, for example

where ∂ is denotes the boundary map. So we just need to define ∂ on simplices.

To motivate the definition, we consider a 2-simplex <x,y,z> with the order x,y,z. Starting at x, we can think of the boundary as a loop that goes from x to y, then from y to z then from z back to x:

So we could represent the boundary as the formal sum <x,y>+<y,z>+<z,x>. Then written in our chosen order, the boundary is <x,y>+<y,z>-<x,z>. That is ∂(<x,y,z>)=<y,z>-<x,z>+<x,y>. In the first term, we remove the first vertex, in the second term we remove the second vertex and multiply by -1, and in the third term we remove the third vertex and multiply by -1 twice. So it would seem sensible to that the pattern here is the nth term in the boundary of a k-simplex is the simplex where the nth vertex is removed and we mutlipy by (-1)ⁿ⁻¹.

So the boundary of a 1-simplex <x,y> is <y>-<x>. But the boundary of a 0-simplex is always 0 since 0-simplices are just points and have no boundary!

We also have that the boundary of the boundary of a 2-simplex is 0. This makes intuitive sense since the boundary itself has no points at the edge of it but we can show this still works in our abstraction to formal sums:

Now we have two special types of formal sums: those that have no boundary and those that are the boundary of something else. We call an n-chain that has no boundary an n-cycle and we call an n-chain that is the boundary of an (n+1)-chain an n-boundary. We can extend the first above argument to show that boundaries are always cycles, i.e. the boundary of a boundary is always 0. 1-cycles are what replace loops in our earlier test, that is we want to find 1-cycles that aren't 1-boundaries! An obvious yet important example of a boundary is 0, 0 is the boundary of 0 (we'll use this fact later). Two other important facts are the sum of n-cycles is also an n-cycle and the sum of n-boundaries is also an n-boundary. If c and c' are both cycles, then ∂(c+c')=∂c+∂c'=0+0=0 and if c=∂b anf c'=∂b', then c+c'=∂b+∂b'=∂(b+b').

Let's take a step back to summarise what we have so far. We have found a test for holes in a space but it didn't really allow for easy calculation of the number of holes in a space. So we restricted our view to simple spaces and have found a way of abstractly representing the building blocks of those spaces. This abstraction has allowed us to reframe our test for holes into a purely algebraic question!

But how can we be sure this test still works? Let's consider a circle. Using our first test, we can just take a loop around the circle. Then this loops isn't the boundary of anything since it bounds a disc of the same radius but this disc isn't part of the circle. So the circle has a hole. Now we triangulate the circle using three vertices and 3 edges, i.e. a triangle. If we label the vertices as <x>, <y> and <z> we already know an example of a cycle: <y,z>-<x,z>+<x,y>. Even though this calculation was done for a 2-simplex, it only involves the 1-simplices so it is valid in this situation too! But in this case, we don't have any 2-simplices in our space so this cycle can't be the boundary of anything! Conversely, suppose we get a positive result using our simplicial hole test, i.e. we've found a cycle that isn't the boundary of anything. Then we can construct a loop in the space using this cycle and this loop wouldn't be the boundary of anything so the first test would also be positive!

The final step that actually lets us count things is to define the homology groups! What we want to do is find cycles that aren't boundaries. Algebraically, we do this by considering cycles to be "the same" if their difference is a boundary. That is, we say two n-cycles c and c' are homologous if there is some (n+1)-chain b such that c-c'=∂b. We have that all n-boundaries are homologous to each other. Say both c and c' are n-boundaries and that b and b' are (n+1)-chains such that c=∂b and c'=∂b', then c-c'=∂b-∂b'=∂(b-b'). The since b and b' are (n+1)-chains, b-b' is an (n+1)-chain so c and c' are indeed homologous. In particular, 0 is a boundary so every boundary is homologous to 0. So now suppose that c is a cycle that is homologous to 0, then there exists an (n+1)-chain b such that c-0=∂b. So c=∂b and hence c is also an n-boundary. This means that a cycle is a boundary if and only if it is homologous to 0. So now if we want to find cycles which aren't boundaries, we look for cycles which aren't homologous to 0.

We define the homology class of a cycle c to be the set of all the cycles which are homologous to c and we denote it [c]. For example, the homology class of 0, [0], is the set of all boundaries! We can also define a notion of addition of homology classes: [c]+[c']=[c+c']. That is, the sum of two homology classes of two cycles is the homology class of their sum. We call the set of all homology classes of a cycles of a simplicial complex K, the (first) homology group of K and write H₁(K). If H₁(K) only has one element, i.e. H₁(K)={[0]} every cycle must be a boundary and K would have no holes. But if K has a hole, H₁(K) would have more than one element.

We are actually now quite close to being able to count the number of holes a space has! Let's come back to the example of a circle. Intuitively, a circle has 1 hole and we've already seen that we have one cycle which isn't a boundary: <y,z>-<x,z>+<x,y>. But by the way we defined the boundary, we also have that

for any integer n. So for any non-zero integer n, we can find a cycle that is not a boundary. In particular, if m doesn't equal n, then n(<y,z>-<x,z>+<x,y>) is not homologous to m(<y,z>-<x,z>+<x,y>) since their difference is (n-m)(<y,z>-<x,z>+<x,y>) which is not a boundary unless n-m=0, which is not the case here since n doesn't equal m. Moreover, I claim that any cycle in a circle must be of this form. Remember, this cycle represents the loop going around the triangulation of the circle once. The only way we can get loops in the circle are obtained by going around the circle a whole number of times (where going in the opposite direction gives us a "negative" loop). Any other path you try to take will end up with not having the same start and end point and so would have a boundary! So there is a homology class of the circle for each integer. Moreover, adding these cycles represents going around a loop n+m times so adding the homology classes together is somehow the same as the regular addition we know for the integers! In formal terms, we say that H₁(circle) is isomorphic to the integers. Like how homeomorphism is the notion of "the same" for topologists, isomorphism is the notion of "the same" for algebrists! The important part of this is that all of the homology classes can be expressed as an integer multiple of [<y,z>-<x,z>+<x,y>] just like how an integer can be thought of as an integer multiple of the number 1. In this sense, we say that [<y,z>-<x,z>+<x,y>] generates H₁(circle), i.e. H₁(circle) has 1 generator. This cycle came about as a loop around the hole in the circle so it is sensible to guess that the number of generators corresponds to the number of holes!* This is how we will go about showing that a straw has 1 hole in the next part! That is, we shall figure out what the first homology group of a straw is and find out how many generators it has!

*technically, we actually count the free generators of H₁ since the torsion elements represent something else but it won't matter for what we're doing. Alternatively, we could have defined homology over a field to get vector spaces which naturally don't have any torsion but this doesn't feel quite as natural as doing homology with integral coefficients.

#undescribed #maths #topology #algebraic topology #panda's post

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astonmartingf · 4 months ago

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When r u updating!

uhm to be honest, i have no idea when 😬

thank you for asking though !!!! because i am still writing in my drafts, maybe next week after my exams, i'm still trying to manage my schedule and now that i'm a month in, i already know the ropes, plus rn i'm assigned at the more busy parts of the laboratory and every shift makes me want to sleep immediately and prepare for the next shift but in a few weeks we will be rotating and finally moving to the less busy areas so i might have more time to write and actually post my drafts n e ways!!!! here are my drafts which you might see that i've written it over a month ago but that's what internship does to me so 💪

#★ the inbox #anon. . . is speaking #it's good to see that you're still waiting istg i'm gonna post these #but yeah that'll take time.... 😬#internship is fun i'm having a blast and learning a whole lot of shit y'all i didn't understand half of these in uni/////#but now in practice i get it... there's something different in practical and theoretical teaching and i never thought i would get any of #these just reading through my books especially since i was first assigned in hematology a subject i really didn't understand theoretically #but here i get it!!! like you really work with problem solving and correlation between the results and a possible diagnosis #now i'm in the chemistry section and i flunked chem badly.... like i just passed and i was intimidated using the big machines but it's so #amazing doing all these. the days are busy which is why i'm barely online but i am writing and i will post these!!! maybe after our exams #and practicals n e ways that's the life update

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blossoms-phan · 6 months ago

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I need to print out or pin that post somewhere about taking breaks from dnp to just like focus on your own life bc they’ll always be there I’ve been an avid viewer since 2014 only taking a small break sometime in between the hiatus but obviously like everyone else my online phannieism has come back full force since the comeback i only started using tumblr again around december but I would use another blog just to lurk and like posts I made this blog less than 2 months ago which is insane to me I feel like I’ve lived a thousand lives since then and it’s been so much fun being able to interact with other phannies and share my thoughts in a way that I haven’t interacted with the phandom since like 2015 but it has also rapidly increased my brainrot i already spent most of my free time just rewatching old videos and edits but I’ve noticed since like gamingmas my mind is constantly occupied with dnp and posting and whether my ask got answered and like I’m unemployed lmao so it’s all fun and games to a certain point but I’m also a student and I genuinely think me being weak and flawed in the brain and getting easily distracted has derailed me in my last semester of uni which is kind of not good I’m like oh lol it’s so funny and relatable I just love dnp!!! but there’s also phannies in med school and other stuff which is great and I genuinely feel like I’m holding myself back personally and professionally with how much time I spend thinking about them again I don’t think it’s a bad thing I just need to train myself into being More Normal and maybe blocking off times for blogging and watching and actually focusing on my life y’know

#this makes me sound so pathetic but I’m being honest a lot of my time revolves around them and thinking about them #I think another thing is that I get a rush from people liking my posts but I’m not in any phannie group chats #or have irl friends I can talk to them about #I think at least that would make it easier to get thoughts out instead of having to consider how I want to write them out for a post #i also only lurk on phannie twit bc some posts are fun but you have to be way too involved on there #any time in my life I’ve been an active twitter user in a fandom has been the worst most unproductive high screen time periods of my life #can’t have that rn tumblr is enough fun and distraction for me #I already know I’m not going to take my own advice lmao it’s not like an addiction I do have a life outside of dnp #they just make me happy and all their content is so comforting #nightly over sharing over sorry to anyone reading this I have enough shit to journal about this blog is my phannie journal #i say all this while knowing I have an assignment due tomorrow but I’m about to make tit tour bracelets #and rewatch massive pizza mukbang 2 for the 4th time #yolo #dnp #my thots

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hazellvsq · 1 year ago

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ideal hazel levesque careers

wall street broker

cement mason

urban spelunker

cowboy

archaeologist

hedge fund manager

oil painter

speleologist

jeweler

antiques dealer

backhoe operator

#do i think hazel would actually become a finance bro? probably not. but she COULD #people have pointed out before that hazel could make a killing in finance. and they're right <3 abandon your morals hazel!#i did not put fracking tho. i thought it but didn't write it.#where's that post that said that realistically none of them would get a job relating to their powers and would be like #filing insurance claims or in middle-level management unsexy jobs like that. they had a point. they did.#back in the day hazel was always getting assigned kindergarten teacher or nurse or vet or baker and like sorry. no. she wouldn't.#she was just getting assigned the 'nice girl' professions and she's just not the one. frank otoh would kill it at all of those but #he also contains multitudes #hazel levesque

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vigilskeep · 2 years ago

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colour symbolism breakthrough

#the YELLOW AND BLUE #minerva wears yellow and blue circle mage robes and its a good look im attached to the colour scheme #but WHY the yellow? what does it MEAN? its never a colour i would have assigned to her #because its her FACADE her false politeness her false happiness in the circle #and thats why she wears gold detailing to alistair and anoras coronation and wedding because of the PUBLICITY #the FALSE JOY of the entire event #but normally she wears no yellow/gold post dao. EXCEPT!!#GOLD EARRING!! *HALF HIDDEN BEHIND COLLAR OF HER WARDEN UNIFORM*#because this happiness is REAL and NOT for the public view #zev yellow-gold coded because he has a similar facade but also because he is ACTUAL joy #theres a lot of caps lock in here ive just been picking at minervas colour scheme for ages and this is a good breakthrough #visualise me punching through a wall #still need to figure out where im going with the rest. blue is obviously a major one but i have that its freedom/reality/the world #the sky against the blights encroaching dark. honest in its grief. etc etc blah blah blah #but i also need a colour for family i have this thing prepped for smth i desperately want to write abt minervas childhood #id LOVE to have red for blood magic connections/tevinter but it feels a little like theft from the amells bc a ribbon was supposed to be #involved #but maybe if its not a ribbon it will be more subtle and red = blood = family can be more of a throughline #many thoughts hehe

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icewindandboringhorror · 3 months ago

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youtube

golf

#another case where I post something entirely random that has nothing to do with anything I've ever posted here #and seems very different from costumes and cat pictures or etc. but ghbhj..... I could spend hours having pointless conversations #with myself like this. briefly got fixated on making fake chats on this website for a period of like 3 days straight a few months ago #(its 'chat-simulator.com/simulator' I think..???) but I made a ton of them.. one with some random family bickering with each other. another #that was like a magic school group chat with like 8 differnet students helping each other with an assignment #and just talking about things. another was a fake text xonversation between a king's assistant #and someone who was working in the castle kitchens and they were trying to plan a time to meet up to exchange the stuff that the assistant #stole from the king so that the chef could sell the items on a black market or whatever. then this one with just some weird #group of friends trying to plan to meet up to play golf and etc. etc. etc.#Talking to myself has always been one of my favorite hobbies. for some reason it's so fun lol #just making up random discussions people might have #not even entertaining or interesting or funny ones but just like... anything.. it doesn't matter. It could be a 5 hour long discussion abou #cheese or something.#THOUGH maybe that is just an extension of having always been a writer like.......... isn't that basically just what writing is? making up #fake scenarios and conversations between fake people?? lol... But I guess Writing Writing usually has some sort of goal or story you're #trying to tell. Whereas stufff just like ''3 elves discuss their favorite bread toppings for 15 minutes'' has no purpose #and is not even that interesting or cool so there's no reason behind it and is more just silly fun I guess #Aside from the physical health problems and ocd over something bad happening to me or etc. I've often thought I would be good at one #of those 'get locked in a blank white room for 24 hours' type challenges. since I would probably just sit there and be like 'okey. :3 #I shall have an elaborate group conversation about elven politics with myself.' and would just pace around the room acting as different #people arguing with each other for like 6 hours lol #ANYWAY.. ultimate recreational activity...#one tiny little glimpse here of the sorts of things that my computer is full of but that i never post lol #Its interesting how communication develops when you're just talking to yourself alone in a vacuum. Sort of like inside jokes between two #best friends that just seem nonsense to everyone else. My folders of things that probably just read as disconnected gibberish or something #but are just mildly amusing to me.#Though also I just realized this is so tiny on tumblr I can barely read it.. hrrm.

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gremlinhourz · 3 months ago

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genuinely expecting to fail my first class in college!! and its like as much as i can get upset at myself for continuing the cycle of procrastination that ive been trying to break free from for years, i also feel like the reason im primarily upset is because i feel like im disappointing others and/or giving them a bad impression of me. like im not upset because i think i could have done more, im upset because i think other people will think i could have done more. when like honestly with school ive just developed an "it is what it is" attitude, like all i can do is try and try again, and if that means taking eng111, crashing and burning, but most importantly learning, then taking eng111 again, so fucking be it

#hey its much easier to edit than to start writing so why dont you just get those thought down #on the page and then you can come back and edit them tomorrow #i was going to schedule a meeting with my academic advisor to ask about the logistics of retaking the course this semester #but of course the school is switching the platform contacting advisors is through this week so i cant really do shit #i also need to look into getting accommodation :sob: i just havent yet...#but i was actually looking at the forum for it today and one of the questions was like “what common difficulties do you have with school”#and one of the choices was “writing/expressing my thoughts”#and it just made me start to tear up seeing that acknowledged as a difficulty #because to be honest i feel like im always over-exaggerating/making up struggling in that area and it never feels like something that i can #get help in #like it feels like it is my own problem my own fault there is no way for someone to help me because the problem is just with me and it is #only if i try that it will actually be solved #but idk #looking at it man #i do try #like i do think there is some truth to improvement only happening if that person is willing to improve #like basically i have observed that like someone trying to change my behavior with punishment and stuff is never effective #and like its not until i take initiative to make changes for myself that change will actually happen #but like now seeing trouble expressing thought being recognized on an accommodations forum #it makes me consider that maybe this isnt something i can only overcome on my own #i feel like its like “oh i have trouble expressing my thoughts/writing” but then its like “then what the fuck is this post”#and like again i also question if i over-exaggerate/fake my struggles #but its also like ive been writing this post for almost an hour now #i consistently struggle with writing assignments because it is so hard to make sense of where i want to go #my thoughts feel like tangled ball of yarn that i cannot get down on the page because i dont even know what theyre trying to say #i would talk more but #i should just work shouldnt i :sob:#((but is also like i always tell myself #but. i never do that. because its like i know that there is something i could say and something im trying to express but i dont know what i #is

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fridayyy-13th · 4 months ago

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i had so many things to do today, but i only wound up doing two. the two simplest things on the list, in fact. putting tabs on my sheet music and writing dates in my planner. no actual homework. (or more accurately, late work.) now a week of three classes' worth of work all has to be done tomorrow, and i already made plans with my friend for that afternoon. it's 1:32 in the morning. what am i doing anymore.

#friday chats #friday vs post-secondary school #tw vent #one of my assignments not actually due monday (from a t/th class) is to write a poem using a technique in one of several poems showed to us #had to pick a poem and technique in class; i hadn't read the textbook excerpt so i picked a poem and talked right out of my ass #i wonder if i could use extensive personification and allusions to human society to describe the mess that is my brain #something something a city with horrible infrastructure where traffic sucks and it's hard to even get from place to place. or something.#bc Good Fucking God #this time around i've been honest about the fact i'm behind when people ask how i'm doing #i thought maybe if i were open for once instead of fibbing that i was on top of everything i'd be met with assistance #but i've just gotten hollow ''oh you'll be okay! you'll catch right back up''s #(y'all online have been lovely. i'm talking about my family)#for God's sake i want HELP. ADVICE. ANYTHING but platitudes #i don't know how to make myself DO this #literally the fucking meme of the drowning person reaching for help and receiving a high five for their troubles #...i need to go to bed. i'm gonna do that. maybe i'll feel less like a sack of pain and misery in the morning.#in the meantime if y'all have any advice for combating still-trying-to-find-the-right-medication-dosage ADHD pls share it #i'm fighting for my life rn. and losing. badly #(though kind words would be nice too i won't lie. it's just the way my family says them makes it sound like they aren't really listening)#or you could just scroll past this post idk. do what you want. it's your dashboard

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k0mmari · 2 months ago

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SYSTEM! SHEN YUAN AU

Okay, look, I've head a System SY idea for a while now (in fact, some of the ideas for this were used when I was first planning out Locked & Loaded), but after seeing @/artsarasp's System!SQQ AU, the brainworms have been once again come alive and I just need to get this out into the world. This is a very bare bones idea that I (probably) won't actually write, so walk with me for a second! Also this is going to be a very, very long post.

In this idea, the System actually is an interdimensional organization that deal with creating new worlds based on stories and making sure these worlds continue working as intended and (eventually), sending transmigrators to worlds that need 'improvement' (this improvement being very subjectice depending on which worker is assigned which story).

In SY's case, he's just someone who usually works behing a screen, in the most exciting cases he gets to guide transmigrators around but most of the time he just makes sure the stories 'code' is running normally and nothing world-breaking is going on in the stories (like someone managing to find a hack to skip defining plot points, or activating God-Mode somehow). He's very happy with this arrangement, btw! He was never one to run around and his boss has warned him once or twice for apparently being 'way too harsh' on the few transmigrators he got to be a System for.

Unfortunately, one day he is assigned to 'manually inspect' a world because a certain co-worker of his (Shang Qinghua) had been sent down there to handle a glitch but had gone missing instead. When SY asks why was he being the one asked to do this (not that he doesn't care for his friend, but he REALLY isnt made for running around), his boss says SY is the only other one who is familiar enough with the world to not get lost.

So that's how he find out SQH had managed to get himself stuck on the world he created (as a joke even, he hadn't even expected that when he was messing around with the company's program he would actually be able to create a new world based on the shitty novel he'd written as a human). And of course, SQH only having one friend, subjected SY to the story.

SY grumbles and denies ever seeing anything about SQH's story (or liking it, even if his boss kindly points out they never mentioned SY liked it) but eventually he agrees; and that's how he finds himself being teletransported onto the world of PIDW, carrying a pair of Debugging Sheers he'd never thought he would have to hold (he calls them Big Scissors), with the mission of finding SQH and dealing with the glitch that was still somewhere in the world.

Though, when he goes to message his supervisor about the specifics (where he should go or what was the last known location of SQH), he finds out that his Personal System has apparently already been affected by the glitch ("ALREADY??") that he was realizing worked more like a virus. Fortunately some messages were still going through, and his supervisor notified him they couldn't send him directly to the location he needed to be, specially because the virus seemed to have fragmented and spread to various parts of the stories timeline. SY now has to jump around through time a few times and slowly cut doen the glitches caused by the virus.

Thus begins Shen Yuan's Great Narrative Haunting (in real time.).

Luckily, for him, the place he first appeared was already one of the spots the virus has infected the world, and it seems to be in a town not too far away from him, so with a quick activation of the 'Ghost Mode' function (avaiable for all System staff to make it easier when they have to manually fix something, making them invisible and untouchable), SY heads to the town.

The glitch actually doesnt take too long to find (it was a buggy tree clipping onto a nearby river, which only needs a snip of the Big Scissors to disappear from reality), but when SY and passing through the town to find some better signal for his Personal System so he can jump forward to the next stop, he sees a group of snickering kids leaving an alleyway. A bit curious, he passes by the alley and barely manages to see through the pouring rain and spot a trembling figure on the floor. Of course, PIDW was never meant to be a happy or forgiving world, so SY is not surprised at the idea that some kids were bullying a smaller kid, though it still makes him upset.

He kneels close to the child and turns off 'Ghost Mode', pulling out an umbrella from his inventory (yes, System staff ALSO get an inventory, no one wants to have to carry aroung those big ass scissors), covering him from the rain. The boy is shaking from the cold, and even if SY can't check the boy's identity (since his system is still buggy), he reasons the probability of him coming into contact with an important character is very small, and even if System staff aren't supposed to interact with characters, he limits himself to at least getting the boy out of the rain.

Luo Binghe later wakes in a bench underneath a small shop's roof, covered in a thick cloth, having no idea how he'd gotten there besides the vague dream (or memory?) of a strangely dressed person patting his hair and taking him into their arms. He notices the rain has stopped and he's perfectly dry. Shen Yuan, seeing the kid seems to be doing well, finally jumps to his next location.

It doesn't take long for SY to figure out where he is when he loads onto the next mission location, in fact, he's almost certain he'd recognize the bamboo forest and calm, almost dream-like atmosphere of Qing Jing Peak anywhere. Seeing there that Qing Jing even exists in the first place, he deduces Binghe is still not emperor, so this time he makes sure to not be seen by any characters. It also doesn't take for SY to find his next target, as a commotion behind him catches his attention.

And oh, if he isn't familiar with the scene. A few older looking disciples push around a smaller looking boy, while a girl insistently shouts for the leader of the older disciples to stop. SY barely managed to appreaciate how Luo Binghe looks so cute as a child before (who he assumes is) Ming Fan snatches rips an amulet out of Binghe's neck. It's quite the heartbreaking scene to watch live, poor Binghe fighting for the only remaining piece of his adoptive mother without even knowing he's destined to never see it again. SY's Personal System may be buggy but it's still functional enough to detect if SY has a direct impact on the main storyline, so SY is basically forced to stand still and watch.

Though, since he had a clear view of the whole scene, when Ming Fan throws the jade pendant into the forest, SY can perfectly follow the arch of the necklace and sees where it landed, which is when an idea pops into his head. Distantly hearing Luo Binghe and NYY frantically searching for a necklace they'll never find, SY spots where the fake jade glimmers high up on a tree brench, though it's glimmer is distorted by the distinct sight of a glitch corrupting it's form. If SY were to follow standard procedure, he'd just have to bring out his Sheers and snip the necklace out of existence, but looking at it... Would it be so bad if he debugged the necklace the longer way?

Besides, if Binghe has the necklace or not, it's not like this one item is going to interfere with the major story anyways. SY isn't stopping Binghe from falling into the Abyss, he's just... Returning a lost item to it's intended owner.

Later, after an exhausting afternoon of what seemed to be searching through every nook and cranny of Qing Jing Peak's surrounding forest, Luo Binghe goes back to the shed he sleeps in utterly defeat and feeling strangely hollow; that is, until he opens the door and finds a new, thick blanket neatly folded in the middle of the shed, way too clean to be anything he had previously owned, and atop of it, his precious jade pendent, sitting there as if it never even dissapeared. Luo Binghe distantly notices that nobody that visits the shed ever lets the door closed after they visit.

The third location SY goes to leaves him no time to acclimatize, as he's immediately attacked by a beast, and only after (struggling to) kill it, does SY notice the unfortunate situation he was placed into: the Immortal Alliance Conference. By this point, he's already figured out his Personal System is most likely using Binghe's energy as Protagonist to make up for the energy it can't use due to it being partially corrupted, and the energy it needs to save up so SY can go back to the System's head quarters, so it really wasn't a surprise that he would be sent to this specific plot point, but dammit can't he avoid having to be near the place where his favorite character is thrown into hell??

And, well, there's also the problem that a beast attacked him, which meant it saw him, which meant his Ghost Mode was also glitching out, and after fiddling around which a half functioning System interface, it seems that the presence of the virus here is stronger than the other places, though still not the biggest chunk. Truly, just the cherry on top of his situation that he'd have to scurry around and somehow manage to not bump into anyone.

As is his luck, as SY tries to head closer to where his System is signaling the glitch's presence, other monsters continue attacking him, which besides slowing him down a considerable amount, it also causes the risk of him being picked up by the people watching the Conference through the Spirit Eagles circling the area, which is the last thing he needs.

Eventually he goes to the closest spot he can to the glitch, but a snapping sound behind him sends him into full panic. A person stands behind him, which leaves SY wondering how he managed to miss someone sneaking up on him like this. "You seem to have dropped something." the person says, and SY eyes immediately fall to his body, scanning himself to what he might have lost, and his hand basically flies to his throat when he notices the tassle that is usually nestled there is missing. He quickly turns around, only to come face to face to the golden protagonist, mister Luo Binghe himself.

Binghe tries interrogating SY as to what he's doing, sneaking around the supposedly sealed off Conference grounds, and SY, in his panicked state (slightly fuelled by a fanboy-induced craze) tries to fumble for excuses, but only when Binghe finally understands that the feeling he gets when looking at this strange person is an undeniable sense of deja-vu and tries asking SY if they'd met before, a loud rumblind shakes the ground: the Abyss has opened.

SY feels even more panicked, cause what this means is eventually, not only will he be discovered by Luo Binghe (his supervisor is going to kill him), but he could possibly be discovered by Shen Qingqiu, of all people! He doesn't get too much time to think about his grand escape however, as a piercing shriek comes from the Abyss rift. Right, how could he forget about the Black Moon Rhinoceros Python? And-- Oh, of course! Of course the damn thing would be virus-infected object!

After teaming-up with Binghe, the both of them manage to subdue the monster long enough that SY managed to snip it, though while they both catch their breath, SY belatedly realizes he just helped Binghe fight with the monster he was supposed to fight. Alone! The monster who was supposed to break his demonic seal! And, like clockwork, he can distantly hear what can only be SQQ's hurried steps through the forest! FUCK!!

With no other option, and Binghe now wanting to continue his interrogation, SY hurriedly start to walk towards the Abyss rift, frantically giving Binghe tips about what he could do in the Abyss to have an easier time, though when he catches a glimpse of green robes between the trees, SY types something on a floating screen and jumps backwards, Binghe letting out a shocked scream. Unfortunately, the protagonist won't be able to do nothing about the seemingly insane and way too familiar man who just jumped into the Abyss, as a rustling sounds behind him, and he's met with a newly regenrated Black Moon Rhino.

SY feels horrible about spawning a new one after Binghe just finished fighting one, but the story must continue, and with his Personal System finally free from most of the virus corruption, SY leaves one last gift as an apology and warping away before hitting the Abyss' ground. Later, when Binghe wakes up at the bottom of the rift after being pushed by SQQ, the first thing he sees is a qiakun pouch, full of useful items and tiny note at the bottom that reads 'Sorry!'

Pt.2

Pt.3

#sorry for any typos its literally 1am #this became to huge doe omg #im so sorry i thought i would manage to keep it simple #who am i kidding #when have i ever managed to keep an AU simple #svsss #drabble #fanfic #shen yuan #shen qingqiu #luo binghe #luo bingge #bingqiu #bingyuan #binggeyuan #this is binggeyuan btw #digital art #komm's system au

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acid-ixx · 4 months ago

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You mention in the first story that the Batfam finally realizes where we are because jon showed Damian our picture while calling us his parent- so I was wondering about how Damian reacted to that? Like did he realize we’d left at that point or did he just get hit in the face with that info?

— related post !

reblogs and interactions are encouraged and appreciated

a/n: y'all i have clogged nose and i hate it LMAO. anyways, i'm gonna write smth about this soon but damian's character for both the series again & again and this series is genuinely one of the more complicated to write because of how he's raised but it really goes like this—

"jon... what do you mean? that's my—"

he cuts himself off before he could continue running his mouth off. damian ignores the slight raise of jon's eyebrow, his thoughts running a mile every second.

his parent? no, never once in his life has damian considered you his parent, pushing you away whenever you try to bond with him. whatever gifts you gave him, no matter how small, or big, expensive, or inexpensive they are, he always makes a show of ripping them away right in front of you.

he told you himself. you are not his parent, never will be his parent, you'll never replace talia's standing, and there will never be a time where damian will see you as one. dick, jason, tim, literally anyone can consider you as theirs, but damian is a product of two genetically perfect individuals— you are imperfect, and it's not your business to coddle him just because you are merely married to his father in paper.

no matter how much you softly gaze at him with loving eyes, invite him with welcoming arms, praise his passion for drawing; all you'll do is weaken him and damian hates feeling weak, hates how you tempt him into melting into a puddle. that automatically makes you a burden in his book.

he hates you, and he should've been glad you disappeared off of the face of the manor.

yet the record stands still: why are you with jon? why do you hold him like he is the world in the picture? what does he mean by "sorry, damian, but me and my parents are gonna go to the carnival later!"? you, as in, bruce's spouse? why are you with them, of all people?

... why does jon get to have fun, with you? and he doesn't...?

and yet he couldn't reply to him, not when his friend babbles on for longer about his... parent. about how you, make him feel so complete. that you'll be the one helping him with his science fare project, how you two spent the night yesterday building a volcano, how you treat him with ice cream every time he achieves a good enough grade for a subject, how you, you, you always spoil jon, always comfort him, read him bedtime stories, matched bracelets, sung karaoke together, played board games with each other, picked him up from school, help him with assignments—

the more jon goes on, the more damian wants to rip his hair out. he doesn't know, doesn't know why he's suddenly pissed. is it because jon can never shut up, or because he couldn't shut up about you? about how perfect you are apparently? how you're the ideal parent he never once bat an eye on? the domestic life jon seems to brag about, it's something damian secretly wanted, and it's all ripped away from him.

it makes damian wonder, would you have done the same for him?

he knows it in himself, that if he hadn't pushed you away, he might've been in jon's place.

#🧁... yael's misc.#series: loving family unpalatable desires #yandere #yandere dc #yandere batfam #yandere superfam #yandere jon kent #yandere damian wayne #yandere batman #yandere superman #yandere superboy #yandere x reader #yandere x gn reader #yandere x y/n #yandere x you #yandere x darling #yandere angst #platonic yandere

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woaza · 2 months ago

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Skully J. graves X Yuu!reader

Contains : Head cannons (Mostly J. Graves coming back to live with Yuu in ramshackle)!

Word count : 460 (super short!)

Warnings : None!

A/n : I want to make a fic about him soon and post (more) Twst content! I’m definitely gonna do multiple fandoms on this account but I’m just trying to write more! So if you have any Twst request please lmk!

Also more Delico Nursery fics for sure, just trying to post shorter fics while I’m still busy.

— He retains confusing knowledge, and is strangely thoughtful. He won’t know how to do some basic things sometimes. Yet you’ll be struggling on an advanced assignment from professor Crewel and he’ll somehow know the answer???

“Skully! This assignment is so confusing? Magic theory is confusing, it hardly seems fair to give me a an assignment on advanced magic theory when I can’t even use magic!” He simply Nods his head and leans over your shoulder and glances at the paper. “Oh this is rather simple (then gives an in depth explanation)” which has you stunned for a moment “Skully you didn’t know what a casserole was yesterday? How do you know this?”

— Yet he will never forget facts about you. From your birthday to your preferences on certain foods. Especially if you’re picky he has all your icks memorized.

You and Skully were growing bored on a weekend. Normally time that would be spent with your friends was unfortunately taken from you. Everyone seemed to have plans. Including Grim which is strange (he had detention). So you two walked down to Sam’s shop. You and him stand in an isle looking at various different options. “Skully which ones should we get?” You say turning slightly to look at him. Without a beat of his hesitation, he instantly reaches for your favorite ones. “These ones.” Holding out the bag to you. “Those are my favorites! Good choice.” You smile happily and he quickly responds. “I know.”

— Adores grim! Despite Grims attitude towards him. Grim was neutral towards the man until it he decided to “Get to close to his henchmen”. Alarms went off in Grims head when he was told that Skully would be coming back to NRC with Yuu. He was extremely unhappy, but then he was told he would be staying in ramshackle? Grim practically lost it and pouted for weeks. Though Skully just thinks it’s amusing and earns his trust through tuna cans. (As you had instructed him to do.)

— I literally imagine life with this man as the Adam’s family. If you choose to marry him you all are going to be different in the best way possible. The whole nine yards, cutting off the head of the flowers and only giving you the stems. Your children sharing their father’s obsession with Halloween.

— Best friends with the ghosts in ramshackle. Often times you can overhear them gossiping through the thin walls. He compliments them on their abilities to scare people.

— Major Gentleman! He pulls out all your chairs and opens every door for you. Seven forbid you ever take off your coat without his help. He is simply so deeply Enraptured with you. When he takes off your coat he always takes a couple of moments to admire you. Always having to ground himself.

Another A/N: I’m so excited for Halloween!!

#skully x reader #skully j graves #twst skully #twst wonderland #twst yuu #twst #Skully j graves x reader #twisted wonderland

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satorulovebot · 2 months ago

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so scarlet it was, maroon | chapter one

✧₊⁺ pairing — satoru gojou x journalist!reader

✧₊⁺ chapter summary — you get the chance to meet the infamous gojou satoru while working on your journalism project at suzuka circuit. what could you possibly want from him?

✧₊⁺ word count — 6.3k

✧₊⁺ warnings — nsfw (minors dni), age gap, alcohol use, mature themes, mentions of cheating, substance abuse, themes of marriage and divorce

✧₊⁺ notes — hello everyone! i asked you awhile ago on a poll which series you would like to see after cursed seas and f1 gojo won the poll and then i posted the masterlist and everyone wants it so you get it now. so here it is. and NO its not happy NEVER expect happiness from me because im allergic to it. also the reader being nosy af is inspired by me and my parents telling me i should be a journalist with how nosy i am.

series masterlist // pinterest moodboard // general masterlist

next chap. the husband and his wife

You moved to Tokyo with your family when you were younger.

You grew up in a rural part of the country, surrounded by farmers and people either ready to retire or nearing the end of their lives. Your parents hated living there, and so did you—for one, there were hardly any kids to play with, and two, as your father would say, "too many old fuckers lying around."

When you moved to Tokyo, your family decided to celebrate by taking you to a Formula 1 race. Your dad thought it would be perfect for the two of you since fixing up old cars had always been your daddy-daughter activity.

You didn’t like the idea of racing at first—the noise was too loud, and the idea of people speeding toward a black-and-white checkered line seemed ridiculous. But the moment you heard the roar of the engines and watched the lights go from red to green, you were captivated, a fascination that would stay with you for years.

When you got your first computer, you began looking up videos of F1 drivers. One day, you stumbled across a video titled “The Biggest F1 Scandals in History,” and that was when you decided you wanted to go into journalism.

You were nosy, to say the least. So, it was no surprise to your parents when you announced to them that you wanted to pursue journalism as a career. Your father reminded you how you’d always been curious, listening in on others’ conversations and keeping up with the latest school drama.

When you applied for journalism school, you were accepted into one of the top programs in the world—Sophia University. Your parents were proud that you’d made it into such a highly ranked school for journalism in Japan.

You were now in your fourth and final year at Sophia, and enjoying your journalism class. Recently, your professor assigned a project: write a story about a major pop culture figure of your choice, and for extra credit, get an interview with them. Your professor knew it was damn near impossible, but he was always optimistic that one day, someone would get that interview and he could retire in peace.

That project led you here: Suzuka Circuit, Japan's main Formula 1 track. Your chosen figure was none other than Gojou Satoru—F1's biggest driver in recent years. He was your father's favorite among the new-generation drivers, known for his string of controversies since he started on top of the persistent rumors of his heavy drug use before races.

You had managed to snag a media passs from your professor when you mentioned doing an F1 driver for your project. He was able to pull some strings to get you into the media booth, getting you a closer look at Gojou Satoru in person.

You watched the pre-race preparations closely from the media booth, your fingers hovered above your notepad as you waited for the race to start. You were determined to get a good grade on this project, and that meant adding every single detail to your report about this race.

It was about time for the drivers to gather in their garages, each wearing headsets and ready for the pre-race briefing. The briefing typically covers the race start, various pit stop scenarios, and a detailed weather report. Before each race weekend, they usually spend time in a simulator of the track they'll be racing on, preparing them for the upcoming race.

After about thirty-minutes the racers came out of their garages in their respective cars. They each line up based on the results of a quaifying session that takes place before the race, slowest qualifier in the back, fastest in the front. Gojou Satoru was at the front of the grid, which meant he was one of the qualifiers who had the fastest time.

You waited around for a little while longer turning your attention to what was happening around you. Eventually, you made your way back to the front of the media booth as the race started, ready to report.

The engines revved as each driver began preparing for the start of the race, each car vibrating on the starting grid like a beast straining at its chains. Gojou sat at the front of the lineup, his hands loose on the wheel, fingers tapping in a steady rhythm as he waited for the lights to turn green.

The roar from the grandstands faded, becoming a blur of sound as the lights ticked down: red, red, red, red… green.

He slammed the throttle, feeling the raw force of the car’s engine kick him back into his seat as he tore down the straight. Other cars jostled for position behind him, all fighting to claim the inside line into the first turn.

Through his earpiece, he heard the voice of his race engineer, Shokou, calm as ever. “Clear on turn two, you’ve got five-tenths on Hayashi. Stay tight.”

But Gojou barley heard her. The car was an extension of him, responding to his every thought, every split-second decision. He pushed down the straights, his right foot heavy on the accelerator, taking corners at speeds most drivers wouldn’t dare attempt. The sound of his tires skidding against the asphalt, the blur of the track side barriers, the lights of Tokyo reflecting off his mirrors—it all blended into a single, perfect rush.

Gojou could see the next turn ahead, a tight chicane that could send the best drivers into the barriers if they weren't careful. He braked hard, turning the wheel with perfect precision to angle the car through. He could feel the back end wobbling, but he didn't flinch, drifting perfectly as he swung back onto the racing line, gaining another second on the pack.

He could almost hear the collective gasp of the crowd in his head as he slipped through the chicane. This was his playground. Every race was a chance to remind the world why he was the best.

“Coming up on a DRS zone,” Shoko’s voice crackled in his ear, grounding him, though he was already on it

He waited for the perfect moment, watching the rear-view mirror to see the faint outline of Hayashi's car. He pressed the DRS, and his car shot forward, the drag reduction giving him a temporary speed boost that had him pulling away, putting him in the lead.

The track opened up ahead, the second sector full of wide, sweeping turns. Here was where raw speed mattered more than anything. Gojou pressed down hard on the accelerator, the engine roaring in response. He leaned forward, watching the track fly by, the white lines blurring as he focused entirely on the road ahead.

For a second, the sound in his earpiece went dead, the faint sound of static filling his ears. Then Shokou was back. “You’ve got Yoshida closing in on your tail. He’s pushing hard.”

Gojou glanced up at the mirrors, his eyes catching the bright blue and orange of Yoshida's car looming larger. The familiar thrill sparked in him. So, Yoshida thought he had a chance, did he? Well, he’d show him otherwise.

“Copy,” he muttered into his mic, eyes narrowing as he took the next corner, barley touching the brakes. He felt the tires skid but he managed to control the drift, knowing any slip would open the door for Yoshida to slip past.

He whipped into another straight, his hands steady on the wheel as he hit a top speed.

His foot didn’t so much as twitch as the engine’s roar morphed into a high-pitched scream as the car closed the distance.

The curve ahead was brutal—a tight 90-degree bend that demanded precise timing.

In a split-second decision, he did something no one expected. He braked late, his heart pounding as he cut the turn at a speed that sent the back end skidding. The tires gripped just in time, allowing him to pull out of the corner without losing traction. He could almost feel the shock reverberating as he regained control, his lead still intact.

As the laps wore on, his body moved on instinct, every gear shift, every turn becoming a single, fluid motion. One lap. Two. Three, with two pit stops between. He counted them off one by one, his mind buzzing with the pure rush of speed and the heat inside the car, barely noticing the time passing. The crowd faded into nothing, the world shrinking down to the track and his car.

The final lap. This was it.

“Box this lap if you’re in trouble,” Shokou’s voice crackled again. “Tire degradation is high.”

But Gojou’s grip on the steering wheel only tightened. His front tires were holding out—barely. It would be tight, but he could make it. He’d run this last lap on sheer determination alone if he had to.

“Negative, Shokou. I’m taking it,” he replied, and then turned off the earpiece, tuning out everything except the track and the car in front of him.

He launched into the final lap, throwing caution to the wind. Yoshida was right on his tail now, close enough that he could see the gleam of his headlights in the mirrors. But Gojou didn’t back down. He took each turn aggressively, blocking Yoshida's attempts to pass, forcing him to fall back every time.

The last chicane loomed ahead, his final obstacle before the finish line. He tightened his grip, the wheel trembling under his hands. He took the chicane fast, too fast, almost feeling the wheels lift off the ground as he flew out of the turn. The car rocked, but he held steady, pushing the pedal to the floor.

The finish line was in sight, a faint white line at the end of the straight, and with one last push, he crossed it, the checkered flag waving in his periphery as he tore past.

It was only after he’d crossed over the line that the realization hit him—he’d won.

The cheers erupted in the stands, the roar of the crowd filling his ears as he slowed down, the adrenaline still pumping through his veins. He could hear Shoko’s voice crackling back in as she shouted, “You pulled it off, you insane bastard.”

Gojou grinned, leaning back in his seat, still buzzing. He’d done it again, just as he always did.

The moment he climbed out of the cockpit, Gojou was surrounded by his team. Shokou was the first to reach him, her usually composed face split by a wide grin. She grabbed his helmet and thumped him on the shoulder hard enough so he actually felt it though the layers of his suit.

“You reckless son of a—”

“Language, Shokou,” Gojou interrupted, grinning as he yanked off his gloves, waving to the rest of the Tokyo Jujutsu Racing team that swarmed him.

“Do you know what it’s like to watch you pull stunts like that? I’m gonna need a raise after today’s heart attack,” she muttered.

“Oh, come on, Shokou. That was just a little fun.” He stretched his arms over his head. “Where’s my confetti?”

“Coming right up, your royal highness." Someone handed him a bottle of champagne, still cold and slick, and he twisted the cap, spraying a wild arc of foam that showered his team and nearby fans.

His PR manager, Nanami, clapped him on the back. “You’re insufferable."

“That’s what I’m here for,” he said, lifting the champagne bottle in a mock toast, flashing him a grin. The media’s cameras clicked and flashed, capturing every moment as his crew continued their congratulations.

The crowd pressed close against the barriers, shouting his name, waving homemade banners with scribbled slogans and his number embellished with the colors red and black. He walked closer, one arm raised, acknowledging the fans, letting their cheers fill him up, louder and louder with every step.

But as he continued walking, his gaze caught on something—or rather, someone—just beyond the crowd.

At first it was just a hint curiosity, the way your gaze was fixed on him. A bit removed from the chaos, you leaned against one of the barriers with a media pass hanging around your neck, arms folded as you watched from a distance.

Gojou slightly narrowed his eyes, holding your gaze longer than he'd held any fan's tonight, as if he was daring you to look away first.

“What the hell is that about?” he muttered under his breath, gaze moving back to Shokou for half a second.

“Hm?” Shokou followed his gaze, but her eyes slid right past you, uninterested. “Press. You’ll get used to it. Come on, they’re all waiting.”

He forced himself to break the stare, clearing his throat as Shokou ushered him toward the media pen, where a lineup of journalists waited, all armed with recorders, microphones, and notebooks.

He fielded the usual questions—how did it feel to win, what was his mindset, what was he thinking on that last turn? His answers were always the same practiced ones, words sliding out like clockwork.

“Well, Mr. Gojou, what would you say to those who believe your racing style is a little… aggressive?” one journalist asked, a little smirk on her face as if she thought she was catching him off guard.

He snorted. “They can call it what they want. I call it winning.” He shrugged. “I don’t come out here to play it safe.”

A few reporters laughed at his remark, clearly interested in what else he had to say as a fresh wave of questions started.

Somewhere behind the flashing lights, he saw you again, lingering a few feet behind the crowd of reporters with that calm gaze fixed on him. You didn’t raise a recorder or a camera, didn’t even make an effort to push closer for a question. You just… watched.

It was disconcerting.

“Gojou!” Another journalist waved a microphone his face, snapping his attention back to the current situation. “What’s the next step for you this season?”

He forced a smile, eyes briefly looking back to you before he focused on the question. “The same as always,” he said. “Push harder, get faster, and give everyone something to talk about.”

The crowd laughed again, though, he barely heard them, too focused on the strange woman staring right into his soul. The two of you locked eyes and you have him a small nod, as if acknowledging that you were in fact staring into his soul.

“Well, I think that’s enough,” Shokou said suddenly at his elbow, pulling him out of his thoughts. “They’ll have plenty of time to hound you later.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he murmured, though he let her guide him away. Still, he couldn’t help glancing back over his shoulder, hoping to catch one last glimpse of you.

But you were already gone.

Gojou slipped away from the crowd, weaving through the bustling garage and dodging the congratulatory slaps on his back, the endless rounds of handshakes, and the celebratory shouts. He ducked past a few journalists, ignoring the barrage of questions still hurled his way, his smile slipping as he finally found the door to the bathroom.

Inside, the cool, sterile silence was jarring compared to the noise outside, but he let out a sigh of relief, his heart hammering in his chest. He clicked the lock and leaned against the sink, running his hands over his face, staring at his own reflection in the mirror.

The victory high had worn off, leaving behind a familiar pressure he could not cope with. It settled on his shoulders like an old, unwelcome friend.

He hadn't realized how much tension he was carrying in his shoulders, how deeply it would itself into him when he was alone. The race had been perfect, his win flawless, but he could feel the exhaustion radiating off of him, a pulsing throb being his eyes. He clenched his jaw, glaring at himself in the mirror.

“Pull yourself together,” he muttered, his voice barely audible.

But his words fell flat, swallowed up by the silence. In the mirror, his own eyes stared back at him, tired, almost hollow.

He reached into the pocket of his racing suit, fingers brushing over the small, familiar packet hidden in the inner lining. It was a stupid habit, a reckless one really, but it was one he hadn't been able to shake, no matter how many times he tried to quit. He could practically feel the temporary relief in the palm of his hand.

He closed his eyes, running his thumb along the edge of the packet before pulling it out, setting it on the counter next to the sink. He ripped it open tapping a small line onto the smooth counter top. It was like his fingers had a mind of their own, as if it was part of his routine of suiting up or gripping the wheel.

The powder glinted under the bathroom’s harsh fluorescent lights, almost mocking him with its simplicity. Just a quick escape, just enough to take the edge off. That’s all he needed.

He leaned down, closing one nostril and inhaling sharply, feeling the sting as the powder hit his nose. He straightened his back, blinking hard, the world around him sharpening as his mind cleared. A small, humorless smile tugged at his lips.

He leaned back against the sink, tilting his head up to stare at the ceiling, feeling his heartbeat slow, the tension in his muscles fading away.

But it didn’t take long for the guilt to creep back in, that hollow feeling settling in his chest, a reminder that this wasn't the answer. He knew it. He knew exactly what he was doing to himself, how he was destroying his body from the inside out, how it could all come crashing down. And yet… here he was.

“Fucking pathetic,” he muttered to himself, his voice echoing against the tiles.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door, jolting him back to reality.

“Gojou? You in there?” It was Shokou. “They’re waiting for you out here.”

He stuffed the empty packet back into his pocket, brushed the last of the substance off of the sink, and glanced in the mirror one last time to check his reflection, making sure there was no trace left of his momentary escape.

Taking a deep breath, he squared his shoulders, forced a smirk, and unlocked the door.

Shokou was standing there, arms crossed, her gaze scrutinizing as he stepped out. She didn’t say anything, but her judgmental eye lingered over him for a split second too long.

“You good?”

“Never better."

“Right,” she said, clearly unconvinced, but she dropped it, gesturing for him to follow her.

As the celebrations continued, Gojou weaved his way through fans and team-members alike who were still wrapped up in their post-race celebrations. He scanned the crowd, hoping to find the strange woman from earlier who he noticed had a press pass, thinking you would be here.

And then he saw you, leaning against a stack of crates near the garages, observing the current scene with the same judgmental eyes that Shokou had. The media badge hung from your neck, swaying slightly as you shifted your weight, pulling out a notebook and flipping through it, seemingly absorbed in what you were currently doing.

He cleared his throat as he approached, the echo of his footsteps giving his presence away.

You looked up, your brow raised as he came closer, a hint of intrigue flashing in your eyes.

“Looking for something?” you asked, not moving as he stopped in front of you.

“You could say that,” he replied, slipping his hands into his pockets, his gaze darted to the notebook in your hands. “I couldn’t help but notice you earlier, off in the shadows. Didn’t feel like joining the crowd?”

“Not my style.” You shrugged. “I’m not here to cheer. I’m here to report.”

“Journalist, huh?” he drawled, tilting his head. “What’s your angle?”

“The truth,” you said, a little smile pulling at your lips as you studied him. “Not everyone’s a fan of that, I know.”

“Depends on what you call the truth. But I’ve got a feeling you’ve already got your version.”

"How perceptive. I’m doing a piece on your racing career, your achievements, but… the public wants a fuller picture, don’t you think?

“Not sure I follow. Everyone knows what they need to know.”

“Not quite,” you replied, flipping through your notebook. “There’s more than just racing stats when it comes to Gojou Satoru, isn’t there?”

“Care to elaborate?”

“People say you’re… unraveling. Your recent ‘questionable decisions’ are starting to paint a different picture, don’t you think?” you said, tapping your pen against your notebook. “The accidents, the fines, the constant change in pit crews—”

“Is this some kind of witch hunt?” he interrupted. “Because I’d hate to disappoint you, princess, but I’ve heard it all.”

“Maybe so.” You leaned in a bit, meeting his stare. “But what about the whispers that aren’t out yet? The suspicions about you cheating the drug tests, your team shielding you—” You paused. “There’s a lot of money on your success, Mr. Gojou.”

“Money and racing have always gone hand-in-hand, don’t you think? You’d have a hard time finding someone out here who hasn’t bent a rule or two.”

“True enough.” You titled your head slightly. “But even the most golden careers have a way of losing their shine.”

"Tell me—do you enjoy tearing people down for a living?”

“Only if it’s warranted,” you replied unfazed. “People aren’t interested in perfect stories. They want the flaws, the dirt. It makes it all more real. At least that's what my professor believes."

“You’ve got a wicked mind, I’ll give you that. But I hope you realize you’re not the first to come sniffing around for the ‘real story’.”

A pregnant pause settles between you before you asked, “And what about her?”

A beat passed before he answered. “Who?”

“Your wife. She’s been… noticeably absent from the press circuits. And rumor has it things aren’t exactly picture-perfect between you two.”

“Rumor has it,” he repeated. “Guess you know how it is in this business. There’s always some rumor or another.”

“So it’s just a rumor, then? All the time apart, the missed events, her name suddenly missing from every headline. You’re saying there’s nothing to it?”

“People are eager to make stories out of nothing. My private life is just that—private.”

“That’s interesting,” you murmured, not looking away. “Because the most recent stories about you and her—they’re awfully detailed. People are noticing, wondering why she’s suddenly… disappeared from the scene.”

“Let them wonder. Like I said, people will talk. And it seems like you’re more interested in gossip than journalism.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Journalism is about uncovering the truth,” you countered. “But it seems like you’re more comfortable brushing things under the rug than addressing them.”

His smile returned, his carefully crafted facade sliding back into place as he straightened up, glancing away from you, clearly bored of the conversation. "Maybe someday you'll get the truth you're so desperate for, but it's not going to be today."

Before he walked away completely, he gave you one last look, his tone playful but laced with a hint of warning. “Be careful what you dig up, princess. Sometimes the truth’s more trouble than it’s worth.”

And with that, he turned his back to you, disappearing into the crowd.

Gojou returned home after the long night of celebrations had died down, the adrenaline from the race long gone, now replaced by a gnawing emptiness that felt like it might hollow him out. His penthouse was in the hear of Tokyo—a sleek, modern apartment with floor to ceiling windows overlooking the neon-drenched skyline.

As he opened the door, the soft him of the city below was drowned out by the sound of footsteps, His wife, Hana, appeared from the hallway, her arms crossed tightly across her chest, her eyes narrowed. She was dressed in a sleek black outfit, her dark hair pulled back, a looking a frustration etched onto her face.

“You’re late."

“Didn’t realize I was on a curfew,” he replied, shrugging off his jacket and tossing it onto a nearby chair.

“Don’t act like that.” Her eyes flashed as she followed him into the living room. “You missed the dinner with my parents again. They’ve been asking about you, wondering why you’re never around.”

“Hana, I just won a race,” he replied, exasperated. “Sorry if I wasn’t in the mood to play the doting son-in-law tonight.”

She scoffed, crossing her arms tighter. “Of course, it’s always about the race with you. Everything is about that damn career, isn’t it?”

“You knew what you were signing up for when you married me.”

“Maybe I didn’t know it would mean you disappearing for days, weeks sometimes, chasing whatever thrill you think you need to feel alive.”

“What’s your point, Hana? We’ve had this argument a hundred times.”

“The point is, Satoru,” she said, voice trembling with anger, “that you seem to care more about everything else than this marriage. I’m just a fixture in your life, something you come back to whenever you need to check a box or show face. But you’re never really here.”

He let out a harsh laugh, the bitter sound filling the apartment. "Here we go again. Hana, it’s not like you’ve been some shining example of commitment either. You’ve known what this is for months.”

“What this is?” Her voice rose, cracking slightly as she repeated his words. “What exactly is ‘this,’ Satoru? A sham? A partnership for appearances? I thought you loved me…"

“I can’t keep doing this,” she continued softly, her voice breaking. “The lying, the pretending. It’s exhausting.”

“So what do you want me to say, Hana? That I’m some perfect husband?” He gestured to himself, shaking his head with a smirk that looked almost pained. “We’re both guilty here. Let’s not act like this hasn’t been a slow-motion train wreck.”

“Fine. But do me a favor—at least act like you care when people ask. Because every time I hear some story about you, another scandal or rumor, it’s like a slap in the face. My family, my friends—everyone’s talking. They see the headlines too.”

“What do you want from me, Hana?” he asked quietly, the fight suddenly draining out of him. “You want me to pretend I’m someone I’m not?”

“I want… I wanted the man I married. The one who cared, who had dreams."

“Then maybe,” he said finally, his voice almost a whisper, “it’s time to stop pretending.”

As Gojou stood there running a hand through his hair. Hana paused, her expression shifting from something resigned to something wounded.

“And there’s one more thing."

He looked at her, brow furrowing. “Fucking Christ Hana, what now?”

“Do you think I’m stupid, Satoru?” she asked, folding her arms tightly across her chest. “I know what’s out there. The rumors. The whispers about who you’re with when you’re not here. Or maybe you think I don’t hear them.”

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Hana, they’re just rumors. You know how the press is—they’ll twist anything for a story.”

“Twist what, exactly? Why do they have something to twist in the first place?”

“They don’t have anything. It’s just the media looking for something to make people read. Speculation sells.”

“Right. Speculation. But funny how it’s always about you, always linked to another woman.”

“That’s because I’m under a microscope. People love to create scandals, especially with someone like me. And you know that better than anyone.”

“It’s not just them, Satoru. People talk, and it’s not just baseless gossip. I’m not naive. I hear things from people close to you, people who actually know you.”

“You really believe them? You think I’m out there, risking everything for some—” He stopped himself, biting his tongue.

“Do I? I don’t even know my own husband anymore. Maybe I should ask them. Or maybe I should ask you directly, Satoru. Are you seeing someone?”

“Why are we even doing this?”

“Because I want the truth. Just once. I deserve that much, don’t I?”

“Believe what you want, Hana. I don’t have anything else to say.”

“Then maybe that’s all I need to know.”

Gojou stormed out of his apartment, his hands clenching and unclenching as he tried to shake off his frustration. He'd had enough for one night. His heart was pounding and the last thing he wanted was to be alone with his thoughts. He needed to get out, to drown the anger with something that could at least help him forget.

The bar he found was tucked away down a dim side street in Shibuya. It wasn't anything fancy–a dark cry from the glitzy nightlife he was used to–but it was dark and quiet which was exactly what he needed. He slid onto a bar stool and motioned for a drink, not bothering to pay attention to what the bartender poured.

He sipped his drink in silence, trying to tune out the night and all the noise in his head. The alcohol burned down his throat, but it was a welcome distraction that numbed his anger and frustration. He was almost on his third drink when he noticed someone sitting in the corner of the room, hunched over a notebook, tapping her pen against her cheek in thought.

She's cute, he thought to himself. He squinted trying to get a better look at the young woman, and he immediately recognized, it was you.

Of all the places he'd expect to see you, this shitty bar wasn't one of them. You looked so absorbed in your work, like you were piecing together something for a story. Satoru's curiosity got the better of him, and he stood up carrying his drink as he made his way over to where you were sitting.

"Well, well," he said, leaning against the back of the chair across from you. “Didn’t peg you for a bar rat, but maybe I was wrong.”

Your head snapped up, and your eyes widened slightly in surprise. “Gojou Satoru. What a surprise.”

“Mind if I sit?” he asked, already taking the seat.

“Didn’t think someone like you would end up in a place like this. Celebrating?”

He gave a dry laugh, swirling the glass in his hand. “Something like that.”

“So, what are you doing here, really? Figured you’d be at a fancy cafe, writing about some important news story.”

“Maybe I am. Research is research, even if it’s in a bar. Maybe it’s you I’m writing about.”

“So I’m your new project, huh?”

“Maybe. It’s part of this little journalism course I’m doing. We’re supposed to pick a public figure and write a profile. Someone who’s got a… colorful public image.”

“Colorful, huh?” He smirked. “Guess I’m your lucky target. Hope I make an interesting subject."

“Interesting is one word for it,” you replied, a faint smirk tugging at your lips. “What’s got you so quiet tonight? I thought you’d be surrounded by fans somewhere.”

He shrugged, taking a long sip of his drink. “Not in the mood for fans tonight.”

“Tough race?”

He laughed humorlessly, shaking his head. “Not the race. Just… life, I guess.”

“So,” he said, leaning in. “tell me about this little journalism course. You planning to make a career out of stalking poor drivers like me?”

“It’s a bit more complicated than that. We’re learning how to ‘uncover the truth’—or at least, that’s what they say. So far, it’s been a lot of digging through archives and learning to ask the right questions.”

“Right questions, huh?” He arched an eyebrow. “Let’s hear one. What would you ask me, if I were your ‘colorful public figure’?”

“Alright, Gojou. How does someone at the top of their game manage to keep it all together? All the races, the publicity, the pressure… don’t you ever feel like it’s too much?”

“Honestly?” He ran a hand through his hair, glancing away. “Sometimes, yeah. It’s not as easy as it looks, being the guy everyone thinks has it all together. But people don’t care about that part. They just want the show.”

“So you put on the show.”

“Guess that’s what it comes down to.” He laughed, but it sounded hollow even to his own ears. “People don’t want to see a guy crack under pressure. They want the image.”

“But what do you want?”

No one ever asked him that, as if what he wanted didn’t matter.

“What do I want?” he repeated, a slight smirk tugging at his lips as he tried to dodge the question. “Maybe another drink.”

I’m serious. Behind all of that… what’s left?”

“Honestly? Sometimes I don’t even know anymore. It’s like I’ve been going so fast for so long, I can’t remember what it was I was chasing in the first place.”

“Maybe that’s what you need to figure out, then.”

He looked at you, and the faintest trace of a genuine smile broke through. “Maybe.”

The two of you sat in silence, and he found himself grateful for it. You didn't press or pry at him and he thought that he could just be himself, even if it was just for a little while.

“Alright,” he said finally, nudging your notebook with his finger. “So, future journalist, you really gonna write all this down? Make me sound like some tortured artist?”

You smirked. “I’ll try to be kind. Maybe I’ll even leave out the part where you go to bars alone and pretend to be mysterious.”

“Ouch,” he chuckled, holding up his drink in mock surrender. “Noted. But I expect a copy when it’s published. Autographed, obviously.”

“Obviously,” you replied, laughing as you clinked your glass against his. “But don’t expect it to be flattering.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

As the conversation continued, Gojou found himself leaning in closer. You both let the drinks keep coming, though it was less about how much alcohol you were consuming and more about the way the words spilled more easily between you two.

“So,” you asked, taking another sip of your drink, “what’s it actually like out there? Everyone sees the fame, the money, the cars, but… what’s it really like?”

He exhaled, tapping his fingers on the edge of his glass. “Honestly? It’s… intense. There’s this high to it, this adrenaline. Nothing like it. You’re pushing yourself and everyone around you to the edge," he tilted his head. “But sometimes, it feels like the line between winning and crashing out isn’t as thick as people think. You cross it once, and that’s it—you’re done.”

“Doesn’t that scare you?”

“A little. But I’m more afraid of what happens if I stop. It’s like… I don’t know what I’d be without it. Guess that sounds stupid.”

“No, it doesn’t. I get it. When something’s all you know… giving it up is like giving up a part of yourself. Scary as hell.”

“Exactly. Guess we all have our addictions, huh?”

Shit. Did he say too much?

You didn’t push, just gave him a quiet nod. “So, what’s Tokyo Jujutsu like? It's one of the toughest team on the grid, right?”

“You know it. They’re tough as hell, no room for error. And they sure as hell won’t give you a second chance if you mess up.”

“Sounds brutal."

“Yeah, maybe. I guess I like the challenge. Or maybe I just like proving people wrong.”

“Enough about me," he continued. What about you? What’s the deal with this journalism project? Are you trying to make a name for yourself by exposing all my secrets?”

You laughed, shaking your head. “Believe it or not, my goal in life isn’t to ruin yours. I actually think it’s fascinating, learning what drives people, what keeps them going, even when things get messy.”

“Messy? What makes you think my life is messy?”

“Oh, please. Gojou Satoru’s life is one headline after another. You’re practically the poster boy for drama.”

He feigned a hurt expression, placing a hand over his heart. “You wound me. I’m just a guy trying to make a living, you know?”

“Right,” you said, rolling your eyes. “Just a guy who happens to have a dozen scandals and an equal number of speeding tickets.”

“Hey,” he laughed, leaning back in his chair. “I’m a professional, okay? That’s all part of the job.”

The two of you continued to chat into the night. Gojou found himself relaxing, caught up in the rare comfort of talking with someone who didn’t expect him to play a part. He could just… be.

At some point, the bartender announced last call, and Gojou glanced at you, smirking. “Guess that’s our cue.”

You stretched, gathering your notebook and tucking it under your arm. “Thanks for the, uh, ‘research material.’ It was… enlightening.”

He laughed, standing and grabbing his coat. “Anytime. But don’t go making me look like a complete asshole in your little project, alright?”

“No promises."

Outside, the air was crisp as he faint hum of city traffic the only sound as you stood together on the quiet street. Gojou slid his hands into his pockets, looking at you.

Outside, the air was crisp as the faint him of the city being the only sound as you stood together on the quiet street. Gojou slide his hands into his pockets, looking at you.

“Maybe we’ll run into each other again."

“Only if you’re brave enough to handle more questions.”

“Oh, I’m plenty brave. But we’ll see if you’re as good at digging as you think.”

You rolled your eyes, laughing as you turned to leave, throwing him a casual wave. “Goodnight, Mr. Gojou.”

“Goodnight,” he echoed, watching as you disappeared down the empty street.

In that moment he realized, he never did catch your name.

#gojo satoru #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru x y/n #gojou satoru x y/n #gojou satoru #gojou satoru x reader #gojo saturo #satoru gojo #jujustsu kaisen x reader #gojo x reader #gojo x you #gojo angst #jujutsu kaisen au #gojo fanfic #jjk x reader #jjk x y/n #jjk x you

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sinterblackwell · 2 years ago

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to the two people who responded to my very long discussion post for our final online assignment and made me really emotional at 10pm with your kind words, you deserve everything good in the world and so much more.

#❣️#barely know them because this class was completely online so it’s not like we ever actually met #but they were SO nice 🥹#i write so much for these assignments even though it’s not necessary #and because of that i always like to joke to myself that not many classmates would read it besides my professor #so the fact that one of the replies on my last assignment mentioned she’s enjoyed reading all my posts throughout the semester….#meaning that someone besides my professor was combing through all my rambling…#i have to say….i did tear up a little #also her saying she told her daughters about the aro label after i talked about it in one of my previous assignments 😭#and that they thought she was so cool for knowing about it so she actually THANKED me for opening up about being aro #because she didn’t know too much about it before but thanks to me she got to learn a little #like fuck okay #and the other reply telling me i’m completely qualified to talk about being aro after i expressed doubts because i’m still learning!!#about my own identity yes and i’m still learning 😭 they were amazing and they’re also aspec so it was like ‘oh okay 🥺’#they were so very sweet #again i’ve never actually talked to these people before they’re all just faceless beings to me but #they absolutely made my night #personal

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liver-f4ilure · 2 months ago

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The Irkutsk Molotochniki: AKA The Academy Maniacs (BIG info post)

NOTE: Haiii!! Sorry I haven’t been posting, I got a life! I’ve been writing this since AUGUST! But took a 3 month break. I kinda rushed the trial but everything else comes from Russian articles! <3

Early Life

Artyom Alexandrovich Anoufriev

RUSSIAN: Артём Александрович Ануфриев

Born October 4th, 1992, in Irkutsk Russia to mother Nina Ivanovna Anoufrieva and no father had been described positively by classmates despite being an outcast and his hard home life. Including a family friend who had known him ‘from the cradle’ who characterized Artyom as “Artyom is a good-natured boy, polite, I’ve never heard a bad word from him,”. According to his headmaster his mother had taught time to hate people and give given bad grades, would try coerce the teacher into psychologically pressuring her son. Artyom had good grades especially in English and literature, he had also shown interest in music and took lessons for the guitar and double bass. He had also joined, sang and played in a local music group before the groups organizer left.

Artyom as a kid

During his older years Artyom started to mature and became more out going while his grades deteriorated. He shortly graduated high school with sufficiency. In his senior year his class filmed a farewell video, in which everyone gave their opinion on what happiness meant to them. In the video Artyom answer was: "To be honest, I do not know what happiness is. But I would really like to quickly find out what it is.".

After graduation Artyom went onto Irkutsk State Medical University while working at an art museum.

Three months before his arrest Artyoms neighbours reported hearing yelling and banging on the walls, like he was hitting the wall with his fists or running at it full speed. Artyom would yell “I hate everybody” and “I will kill you”. During the investigation Artyom would admit that at times his relationship with his mother was strained, and that he’d fear he wouldn’t be able to prevent himself from killing her. According to Artyoms lawyer, Svetlana Kokareva, he often talked negatively about his mother and called her ‘defective’ as well as a generally negative attitude towards women. Nikita also reportedly experienced similar: his depression worsened, he stopped communication with family and he started experiencing insomnia.

Nikita Vakhtangovich Lytkin

RUSSIAN: Никита Вахтангович Лыткин

Born March 24th, 1993, in Irkutsk Russia to his mother Marina, who worked at a shoe store and to a father who left the family shortly after Nikita was born. His father than married another woman who died shortly after and whose son committed suicide in the wake of his mothers death. Nikita’s father would return but leave after due to his depression from his deceased ex wife. During Nikita’s childhood he would come and go. Many accounts say Nikita was bullied at school and instead of standing up for himself he would just reply with “die.” Because of this, Nikita was given the nickname ‘Jimbo’ as a reference to Jimbo Jones, a bully from ‘the simpsons’.

Nikita as a kid

During junior high Nikita would do very well at studying and had good marks, he did not like math very much and in 5th grade was assigned to a special math class do to poor test results. Besides his good grades, Nikita was unsociable and uncommunicative. One family friend says this is because Nikita was jealous of his classmates with richer families. Because of his poor socialization Nikita started losing relations to friends.

Nikita’s childhood home

Meeting

At a mutual friends birthday party Nikita (10) and Artyom (11) met, with the two studying at the same school but one studying a grade higher. The two quickly grew close and Nikita fell into a deep depression, only trusting Artyom at the time, the two supported each other. Artyoms mother did not support the twos friendship and stated that she thought Nikita would have a bad influence on her son. However, after graduating Artyom would continue to study and even enroll into medical school unlike Artyom, Nikita did not. In several reports Nikita either dropped out of school or got expelled for insufficient grades.

During their friendship the started a punk-rock band called ‘Злые гномы’ the band didn’t last long but in 2008 the band was able to put out an album called ‘Чёрные полосы крови’ (AKA. Black Streaks Of Blood) the pair soon started another band, a noise band, named ‘Расчленённая ПугачОва’ or ‘Dissected PugachOva’.

Violent Interests

The duo both had a common interest of maniacs and murderers. The most relevant being the Irkutsk ‘Blood Money Gang’ in March of 2010. The gang being led by 22-year-old Konstantin Shumkov. Shumkov though he was expelled from his educational institution, wanted to work with children. He gathered a group of teenagers from dysfunctional families to kill 5 homeless people and attack 3 others in 2009. The pair followed the news very closely and even dedicated an album to the gang with songs like “Killing is cool!”, “Massacre at a maternity hospital” and “I killed a homeless man”. Nikita also reportedly made a social media group out of sympathy for the gangs leader named ‘Irkutsk Anti Bom-Gang: Blood Magic’ in the introduction fornthe group the group declares their hopes to continue Shumkovs work.

“The "Dismembered PugachOva" group will continue the work of the "Blood Magic" not only in the musical sense, but also in the real sense. [...] There is no place for posers in our group. Only those who decide the fate of cattle or are only going to start serious actions are allowed. If you are determined, you are here.”

As well, they would most videos of the murders in the groups and told the members to ‘abandon empty posturing and commit at least one murder’

You may wonder how people didn’t think of that as a red flag, well, many visitors thought that the videos they posted were staged and that they were ‘young liars and braggots’.

The two made other social media groups such as "We are gods", "Pichushkin - our president" a reference to a fellow Russian serial killer and "Dissected Pugachova"in reference to their band by the same name. However I could not find what exactly they posted.

Possible Motives

There are a few theories on what the duos motives were, one theory is that they were pushed by Nationalist propaganda. Since for a while Artyom was apart of a white power skinhead group and given the nickname “Fashik- Natsik”. From Artyoms suggestion Nikita would converse online with the skinheads but was ultimately denied part in the group due to his discrediting Ossetian patronymic Vakhtangovich (Iranian-Caucasian decent). Their affiliation with the skinheads didn’t last, as one investigator states ‘they immediately sensed their animal cruelty and rejected them’ another report stated that Artyom felt the groups ideology was ‘too passive and soft’. The then leader of the skinheads ‘Boomer’ stated later in court that ‘Anoufriev felt hatred towards everyone, and did not care whom he killed’. After being arrested in the pre-trial detention room Anoufriev made a message that stated:

"I want to apologize to everyone. My advice to parents: forbid your children to visit sites of nationalistic nature in social networks,"

However, the duo isn’t thought to be hate oriented since they didn’t have any nationality in mind. Nor did they care about homeless people or immigrants. Anoufriev and Lytkin simply hated all of humanity all together and even openly stated it. A motive that both Anoufriev and Lytkin confirm is their desire to imitate other serial killers.

According to Anoufriev the idea of murder was Lytkins.and claimed that it, unlike Lytkin, did not give him the satisfaction he had hoped for. He says he only did it “he put it where it wasn’t necessary” and described Lytkin with "I will just say—he is a leader. He did not influence, but was an instigator of crimes,". However, during the investigation Anoufriev stated that he was planning on moving to St.Petersburg and commit more crimes had he not been arrested. Investigator, Yevgeny Karchevsky reports that Lytkin admitted that he couldn’t have done it alone and stated that “it wasn’t interesting to one” and “Artyom and I did it- I liked it”. Lytkin also stated, like Anoufriev, that he would’ve kept killing had he not been caught.

The two stated they would walk from 6pm - 10pm around the “State University” transport stop in Akademgorodok. They would miss 5-20 people while looking for a suitable victim.

Timeline of Crimes

November 14, 2010 - Anoufriev and Lytkin attacked an 18-year-old Anastasia Markovskaya while she was walking from the 19th school bus stop in the way of the Novo-Irkutsky Village. The two tried bashing her head in to which they were in some reports, scared off, while in others she played dead. Markovskaya reported on the Akademgorodok online forum about the attacked. Where Anoufriev and Lytkin responded and asked her how it felt to be beaten.

November 24, 2010 - the pair attacks an unnamed 46-year-old woman, stealing her bag.

December 1, 2010 - the pair attacks a woman, stealing 500 rubles which they used to buy mallets. Later the same day the pair spotted a 12-year-old Danil Semyonov going down a snowy hill on his sled. Nikita initiated a the idea of killing Semyonov to Artyom since he was a weak victim who couldn’t put up a strong Defense. After catching Semyonov Nikita struck him in the back of the head, knocking him down. Artyom then hit him with a baseball bat, Nikita then stabbed Semyonov in the temple with a penknife. Later when Danils mother and bother had found him and had paramedics called to the scene. However, after being caught in a traffic jam, Semyonov was dead before arrival. On Semyonov’s arm was found a hematoma (also known as, a bruise) curating the idea he either fought back or was grabbed roughly. The next day his sled was found in good condition. Semyonovs parents and police didn’t think it was a homicide and instead an accident, that he simply hit a birch tree at high speeds. However later Anoufriev and Lytkin stated that the boy was simply ‘training’ for them. He was the first victim killed.

December 16, 2010 - nearly 20m from the spot Semyonov was killed, a 69-year-old Olga Mikhailovna was found. Olga had been a researcher at the Research Institute for solar and terrestrial physics. The pair killed her quickly unlike Semyonov. She was found with 30 knife wounds. Nikita and Artyom had also made an audio recording discussing how they’d kill her, after which they recorded the murder.

December 29, 2010 - The pair first attacked 29-year-old Valentinovna Svetlova at 6am, who escaped. The pair only took her purse which they then threw out. She miraculously survived her attack. An hour after her attack 22 year-old coach Yekaterina Karpova, Karpova was pregnant during her attack while walking home with her 6-year-old niece Olga Averina. While walking to the railroad Karpova reported that she saw the pair but didn’t engage. While crossing the railroad the two were attacked by Nikita and Artyom, Averina managed to escape with being hit by Nikita in the sides, later being diagnosed with extensive hematoma in the liver area. Karpova had, had her skull crushed in and fingers snapped despite screaming that she was pregnant. The killers were scared off by a car pulling out from around the corner. In result to this, Karpova and her pregnancy miraculously survived.

January 1, 2011 - Around 5am Artyom and Nikita attacked a homeless man who lived near some garbage cans, inflicting 40 hit to him as well as smashing his head in with mallets. He died later in hospital and has been deemed ‘Corpse No.20’ since authorities couldn’t identify the man.

On January 15th a 19-year-old homeless man named Vladimir Bazilevsky, who had bloodied clothes was detained on suspicion of the previous murder. During the interview he told officials that he had spent the night in a sewer well however, officials began to make him believe otherwise and how Bazilevsky put it “Knocked a murder confession” out of him. After more investigation he was wrongfully convicted of murder and in April of 2011 was sentenced to 4 years. After the actual killers were arrested, DNA of the blood on his clothes didn’t match any of the victims. In May of 2012 after serving over a year and a half of prison time, Bazilevsky was released and all charges against him were dropped.

January 30, 2011 - The pair attacked a student named Oleg Semyonov who was returning home from a night club. He survived with head wounds, a concussion and traumatic brain injury.

February 3, 2011 - The pair attacks an unidentified elderly woman whom survived with a head injury.

February 8-9 date unknown, 2011 - At night the pair attacks another woman whom survived due to a passing by car.

February 21, 2011 - While walking home drunk from visiting his sister Alexander Petrovich Maximov was attacked and killed. His jaw and head had been completely broken, as well he had been decapitated with remainders of his skull being found afterwards. Lytkin shot him in the head with a Baikal air pistol and Anoufriev had tried to remove his eyes, but ultimately failed lacking the proper knowledge. Maximov had a closed casket funeral, unable to have an open casket.

February 27, 2011 - Lytkin single-handedly attacked a woman by the name of Nina Kuzmina whom was sitting on a bench located on Lermontov St. Lytkin hit her twice in the head, but because of Kuzmina making a ‘fuss’ a nearby man looking out his window scared Lytkin off, taking the woman’s phone with him. Kuzmina survived.

March 11 , 2011 - On a walkway near the State university bus stop, Anoufriev and Lytkin killed a homeless man by the name of Roman Faizullin. Anoufriev shot him in the face before the pair dragged him behind some bushes and off the street. The pair stabbed Faizullin in the head, chest and groin. Lytkin had attempted to cut the mans hand off but only managed his pinky finger. Later Anoufriev photographed the corpse from his apartment window since it was near.

After this attack a rally was held in the area to discuss what precautions and measures should be put in place. Anoufriev and Lytkin would go to these rallies and meetings, they would share ideas about the killers and would video tape the meetings. By this time police had already figured out that the killer was between ages 16-18 and set up patrol cars that would tour the area to reduce other attacks (which didn’t work). Still in the area there was misinformation which lead to the citizens fearing that the killer was a guy in his 30s.

The pair then gained the name the “Academy Maniacs” via a journalist for the Komsomolskaya Pravda, Olga Lipchinskaya since nobody could identify the boys.

??, 2011 - On an unknown date the pair attacked a homeless woman whom survived the attack due to an off duty police officer seeing the pair from out his window.

??, 2011 - on another unknown date the pair attacked a woman using a screwdriver. Since the place was crowded the pair left and the woman survived.

April 3, 2011 - The last of the pairs crimes. The two killed a 63-year-old homeless woman named Alevtina Kuydina. The woman was killed near a research institute, after killing her the pair filmed a video. On the video, filmed by Anoufriev, Lytkin can be seen cutting the woman’s earlobe off with a knife after being scolded by Anoufriev for not covering the knife in case of finger prints. Lytkin then tried to cut the woman’s hand off and gouge her eyes. When he couldn’t, he instead struck a knife directly into her eye and started stabbing. Later they dropped the woman’s earlobe off at the porch of a school. Anoufriev send the video to an online friend from St.Petersburg named Ilya Ustinov or known as online “Solomon Gojo” who said the video was sluggish he still however, distributed the video online.

Investigation/ Arrests

Investigators and police didn’t suspect the attacks to be from the same people, since the victims had no relation or anything alike. The investigation lasted months while the town was left in fear. But because of the crime spanning in such a small area the police were able to piece together a sketch of the suspects. The portraits were even sent to the workplace of Lytkins grandmother, the institute of organic chemistry, she noticed how the portrait looked eerily similar to her grandson. She sent her son Vladislav, Lytkins uncle, to his house to question Nikita. Once he got there nobody was home, Nikita having gone out for a walk (but suspected victim hunting). Nikita’s uncle however, found the camera he had lended him, on the camera he saw the video that the pair had filmed prior. After discussing, the family handed the video over to police and soon Lytkin was arrested, Anoufriev following shortly after. Prior to the arrest Lytkins mother had found a knife packaged in the hallway or in other sources, his pocket. When asked about the knife he simply stated it was for Defense.

A little piece of Trial

On March 6 of 2013 Lytkin stated that Anoufriev didn’t participate in four of the attacks and instead someone else accompanied him, Lytkin did give names but they were never publicly disposed. Lytkin also stated he had other accomplices however it’s theorized that he made this up to slow down the investigation. One day at the detention centre Lytkin told his mother "Why do they make the devil out of Artyom and I am so white and fluffy? We are both to blame. He is no worse and no better than me, we committed murders together." Anoufriev states that the police pressed Lytkin using threat of solitary. Lytkins grandmother also published an open letter claiming that she blamed Television, democracy, the internet, satanists and pornography for Lytkins corruption.

During the trial each boy had taken a different defence, Lytkin took leniency on him being a minor at the time of the crime and Anoufriev cause he had only pleaded guilty to 1 count of murder.

Sentencing, Transfers & Where they are now

Artyom:

On April 2nd 2013, Irkutsk Regional Court sentenced Anoufriev to life imprisonment in a special regime colony. On January 27th, 2014, Anoufriev was transferred to Ognenny Ostrov in the Vologda Oblast. After transferring, Anoufriev stated in interviews that he did not agree with the sentence and that his family was trying to get him out on parole, as well, he also stated that he was working on a book but did not explain what it was about. And in Febuary of 2017 Anoufriev stated that he had been studying Law at The University of Latvia.

Artyom during the trial in the defendant cage

Nikita:

Also on April 2nd, 2013,Lytkin was sentenced to 24 years imprisonment with 5 of those to be soent in prison. Around October,2013, Lytkins sentenced was reduced to 20 years seeing as he was a minor during the events. Lytkin had made many transfers to prisons including:

Nikita during the trial in the defendants cage

December, 2013- transferred from Irkutsk Colony to Sakha Republic

??, 2015- transferred to Kemerovo Correctional Colony No.41, where a psychologist had discovered he was dealing with a mental disorder

August, 2016- The prison attempted to transfer Lytkin to a psychiatric hospital however, the day before he attacked an inmate ,hoping that he would be transferred to the same colony as Anoufriev, instead on June

1st, 2017, the court ruled he was a dangerous repeat offender and sentenced to 11 years.

??, 2018- Lytkin was transferred to Angarsk Correctional Colony No.7

On the morning of November 28th, 2021, Lytkin was found in his cell with severe self inflicted wounds on his arms. Paramedics rushed him to Angarsk City Hospital, where on November 30th he was pronounced dead. Lytkins inmates stated that he had been subjected to bullying and others state he had threatened to do it when his sentence wasn’t reduced furthermore and when he wasn’t transferred to the same facility as Anoufriev.

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