#writers somehow got possessed by the only friends writers

[gunsatthaphan]

"how can I make it up to you?"

[madmaxified]

how do you think jealous glinda would act

JEALOUS GALINDA HEADCANNONS

warnings : none!

author’s note : this got me out of my writers block ( FREAKING FINALLY ) so thank you anon!

⭑ galinda loves being the centre of attention, loves it, especially when she gets to be the centre of your attention. she’s not used to not getting what she wants, not used to not being the sun, the moon, the planets, and stars in everyone’s galaxy, so the idea of her having to share your attention with anyone else is such a foreign concept to her

⭑ galinda, who always wants to hang out with you! she wants to study together ( though it’s mostly you working and her staring at you with big goo goo eyes because you look so pretty when you’re concentrating! ) or going on super elaborate dates she’s planned out, or just hanging out in her dorm and kissing until she can’t stop giggling

⭑ so when you start to hang out with someone else just a tad bit more than you do her, like maybe you eat lunch with some your classmates instead of going off with her, or if you say you can’t come over that night because you’re hanging out with someone else, she freaks out!

⭑ why don’t you wanna hang out with her anymore? did she do something wrong? was she a bad girlfriend? did she hurt your feelings? elphaba finds her in bed curled up in ball with her knees tucked up to her chest, overthinking every little thing the two of you have ever done, trying to figure out why you might be mad at her

⭑ spoiler alert! you’re not mad! she’s just a chronic overthinker who can’t go a day without getting to hold your hand and kiss you

⭑ the moment you come over next she’s bawling in your arms and begging for you to forgive her because she doesn’t understand why you’re mad and she’s sorry if she hurt your feelings! she’s so not used to feeling so strongly about someone and she doesn’t want to mess a single thing up

⭑ in an instant you’re cuddling her and kissing her face and insisting she didn’t do anything wrong, and that she’s been nothing but the most amazing girlfriend imaginable! you just wanted to spend some time with your other friends, that’s all! you don’t love her any less

⭑ she’s all pouty and red in the face and somehow as elegant and pretty as ever, maybe even more, when she looks up at you

“galinda, what are you talking about? you are nothing short of the most amazing girlfriend on the planet! just because we’re not spending every second of every day together doesn’t mean i love you any less”

“you p - p - promise?”

⭑ galinda tries not to be super clingy after that, tries to teach herself that just because you’re hanging out with your friends or you’re not sleeping over every night, that it doesn’t mean you don’t care about her or what to break up, tries to teach herself that she doesn’t need to be always be the centre of attention. she’s still learning! it’s her first time being a relationship that she really does care about

⭑ of course she can only handle so much, it’s hard not to be clingy and possessive when she sees someone blatantly flirting with you! you’re her girlfriend after all!

⭑ the moment someone touches your arm sweetly or compliments your hair or clothes in a definitively not platonic way, she’s practically appearing at your side, arms wrapped around your waist with her face nuzzled into your shoulder

⭑ she’s constantly kissing your cheek, snuggling up against you, squeezing your hand, and repeating the word ‘girlfriend’ over and over until whoever decided they had the right to even breathe in the direction of you awkwardly wanders off

“oh! i don’t believe we’ve met, i’m galinda upland, her GIRLFRIEND!” “i was just in the bathroom, hope i didn’t keep my GIRLFRIEND waiting for too long!” “thanks for taking such good care of my GIRLFRIEND, but i can take it from here, as i am her GIRLFRIEND, and she is my GIRLFRIEND”

⭑ she doesn’t leave your side for the rest of the night, flipping her hair in the direction of ( and maybe even into the face of ) anyone who tries to hit on you. you’re her girlfriend! not theirs!

⭑ she can’t help but feel insecure though, her face is a nervous mix between a scowl and a pout for most of the night, constantly squeezing your hand as if to remind herself that you’re very much still there, that you haven’t left her for someone else

⭑ it’s not until she drags you back to her dorm does she break down, blubbering about how she’s worried about ‘not being good enough’ and how ‘everyone who hit on you was so much sexier and cooler than her’ and how ‘she’s not even that good of a girlfriend because she doesn’t know what she’s doing! but she doesn’t want to screw anything up!’

⭑ you’re barely able to calm her down, let alone pull her into your arms and lead her over towards her bed

“ssh, sh, hey, hey, galinda look at me. nobody at that stupid party was as cool or sexy or amazing as you are. you are the brightest, most wonderful person i’ve ever met, and i’d be an idiot to even consider dumping you for some dumb guy or girl who tries to hit on me. you don’t have to be perfect, nobodies perfect baby, but you are damn well pretty close. i love galinda upland, nothings gonna change that”

⭑ somehow that made her cry more! not out of sadness but just because she’s so overwhelmed with joy and love because you love her and you think she’s perfect and pretty and sexy and amazing, and it made her heart flutter in her chest so hard she’s worried it’ll explode

⭑ she flops right against you, burying her face into your shoulder and mumbling ‘i love you’ over and over and over until she finally stops crying, and by then you’re both exhausted

⭑ you end up spending the night at hers, galinda tucked against your chest your face buried in her hair, arms cradling her protectively

⭑ she ends up staying awake long after you’ve fallen asleep. titling her head up just so, watching and listening to you breathe because you’re the most gorgeous creature on earth and she’s the one who gets to lay against you like this, and she’s not sure something else has ever made her happier

[lunamugetsu]

Danny is an ao3 writer

Hear me out!

Y'know how there's a running joke that ao3 authors/writers will put in the author's notes that they're sorry that they took so long to update and their reason is because of either they got into a horrible accident/ life threatening health issue/serious personal issues/ their life went up in flames figuratively or literally, or somehow a combination of all of those scenarios. And they're all like "Well enjoy the chapter! tee-hee!" and everybody who's reading it all collectively go "are you okay?!" (aka the ao3 writers curse)

So I want to take this, and add Danny

Danny begins taking a liking to the classic literature that Mr. Lancer talks about during class and decides to writes a fanfic about it along those lines. It all starts for when he writes a Pride and Prejudice fic where Charlotte gets a better life where she's both happy and comfortable. And when he gets pretty supportive comments about it. He starts writing fics for other books as well (and it never stops)

During that time, who else but the Jane Austen fan, Jason Todd reads this fic. Yes he reads fanfic (do not ask him about his ao3 history), he yearns for more Jane Austen, but unfortunately she's not exactly able to write more books for him to read. So he turns to ao3 where there are some people who have incredible talent for writing pretty good regency era romance.

So what happens when he finds a couple of Pride and Prejudice stories written by " HalfDeadHalfAliveWriter

And when reading through the stories and looking at the author's notes.

All with very weird scenarios happening to the writer that he can't be sure that if it's a joke or if it's an actual thing he should be very worried about.

Author's notes such as:

Sorry it took so long for me to update this I was being shot at by my parents and ended up getting a burn on my hand and couldn't use my computer for awhile.

Sorry the chapter's so short, all the people in my town are being possessed by a hoard of angry ghosts because somebody had a bright idea to steal an artifact that belongs to an ancient civilization. So I had to get this out quick before they ruin my wifi connection

Sorry I haven't updated in awhile, I had to fight off a crazy guy that is obsessed with killing my father so he could marry my mother and become my new stepfather.

Sorry for the wait I got sent back to Ancient Egypt by my mentor to hunt down a runaway ghost that was messing with time.

But honestly the most recent author's note on a fic that hadn't been updated in week is what makes Jason really worried.

Sorry for not updating for a couple months guys, I was taken by a government agency that started vivisecting and torturing me. Thankfully my sister and friends busted me out and now I'm working on healing up. Anyway here's the Great Gatsby fic where Nick and Gatsby kiss.

After reading that author's note, Jason just sits there thinking only one thing.

What the fuck?

[coraniaid]

OK, so, for context:

I don't like Agent Riley Finn, at all. He is one of my least favorite characters in Buffy, by quite some distance. I hated him even before the events of Season 5, and I only continued to hate him afterwards. I think the show would be significantly improved if his character had never been introduced. I think Whedon's idea that Buffy and Riley represent the show's one "happy and healthy relationship" is nonsensical.

I don't like As You Were. It's arguably Doug Petrie's worst episode (well, worst so far, anyway: let's not forgive him for his Season 7 episodes just yet).

I don't even really like Season 6 much (certainly not as much as so many people on Tumblr pretend to do). I think the concept of the season is very good but the execution is often decidedly lacking. It is not a season I often feel the urge to rewatch.

But, that being said, I'll confess it is somewhat bizarre to see so many people reblogging a post that says As You Were would have been improved if Riley showed up contrite and humble and openly ashamed of his [yes, unquestionably terrible and indefensible] actions in Season 5, or that the episode is one last attempt by the writers to force the audience to like him. To me, that is just ... obviously not true. I don't even see how it could be true.

As You Were is barely about Riley Finn at all. It's about Buffy. Specifically it's about what most of Season 6 is about: Buffy being miserable and depressed, struggling with bills and a soul-crushing mininum wage job, resenting her friends for having brought her back to life, romanticizing her past and (wrongly) convinced that she somehow 'came back wrong'. Riley is only in the episode to further that aim.

So, yes, the episode ignores all of Riley's [very real, very irritating, very hard to forgive] flaws and past failings and instead presents him as a dashing and attractive ex-boyfriend; as the perfect guy who somehow got away. Yes, it focuses on how much Buffy's own fortunes have declined since they broke up. Yes, Buffy is meant to find him attractive and be sad that he's married to somebody else already. Yes, the show deliberately sets up Riley as being competent and put together and high status while Buffy herself is none of these things. But this isn't because the writers are somehow trying to trick you into liking Riley (it would obviously be a very stupid and ineffective way to do that if it were! it demonstrably doesn't actually make anybody who didn't like Riley change their mind! why assume that it is trying to?). It is because this is how Buffy sees things herself.

The episode is about Buffy first, and Riley ..., not even third. He is a plot device. Just as in Season 3's Gingerbread (when Joyce is possessed and tries to burn Buffy at the stake as part of her campaign to cleanse Sunnydale of all things supernatural), or Helpless (when Giles puts his loyalty to the Council above Buffy's own safety and well-being), in As You Were Riley exists primarily to tell us something about Buffy. In Season 3, Buffy was afraid that being a Slayer would ruin her relationship with her mother and that Giles didn't really want to be the replacement father figure she clearly wanted him to be, and those episodes have her fears come true. Both Joyce and Giles act in pretty repellent (and arguably out-of-character) ways in their respective episodes, but those actions are justified in that they are consistent with Buffy's own view of the world. You could replace both of them with nightmare versions of their characters (like Hank Summers in Season 1's Nightmares) and both episodes would play out the same way (and have the same glaring lack of follow-up in later episodes).

So too in As You Were. The writers are probably more sympathetic to Riley than the average Tumblr user in 2024, but they don't particularly care if you like Riley or not. He's not been in the show for a year and after this he's never going to be in it again. This isn't about him. What is important is that Buffy herself misses Riley and her relationship with him: not necessarily because Riley was so great [again, he wasn't: Riley sucks] but because he's a part of her older life that she wishes she could go back to. A time when she had a 'normal' relationship and was still in college (and doing well academically!) and her mom was still alive and things seemed to be going well for her. Because she misses the version of Buffy that she used to be. (Who exactly are we supposed to think the 'you' of As You Were refers to? I don't think it's Agent Finn...)

Sure, I'd personally think better of Riley Finn as a person if he showed up looking sheepish and told Buffy he was sorry for how badly he behaved in Season 5 and he said he'd fund all her future bills and help her get back into college before dedicating the rest of his life to campaigning against both missionary work and US-backed (para)military actions in South and Central America. I'd think better of Joyce if she'd ignored the two demon kids only she could see and supported her real daughter better, too. Or of Giles if he hadn't ever gone along with the plan of hypnotizing and drugging a teenage girl he'd sworn to take care of and protect and who, less than a year earlier, he'd promised his unconditional "support and respect".

But Riley being a decent human being and making Buffy feel better about herself wouldn't make As You Were a "better" episode. It would make it a completely different episode, one that belonged in a completely different season. It would make it something that was utterly at odds, tonally and thematically, with the version of Season 6 that actually exists. This is not a season where nice things happen to Buffy, and if you think it should be I honestly don't think you like the story the season is trying to tell very much.

As You Were is not primarily "the episode where Riley comes back" (in which the writers then decided to talk about how great Riley was with the aim of making the fans like him while Buffy ends up feeling like shit and being embarrassed about how her own life is going as some sort of collateral damage). It is an episode where Buffy continues to feel like shit and be embarrased about how badly her life is going (and, in order to further Buffy's arc, this time Riley is there too to make her feel worse).

Do I think that it works to have Riley fill the role he does in this episode? Well, no, not really. Like I said at the top of this post, I don't like Riley and I don't enjoy seeing him on my television screen. Into The Woods' awful ending makes me pretty angry and it is a shame we never got any pushback on the idea that Buffy "letting Riley go" was a mistake. Riley wasn't ever the perfect boyfriend As You Were has Buffy remember him as. This isn't one of the better episodes of Season 6. But an improved version of the episode wouldn't have Riley act like a better person. That more palatable, more fan-friendly version of Riley just isn't compatible with the story the show is telling. An improved version of the episode that was still trying to tell the same fundamental story wouldn't have Riley Finn in it at all.

[unintentionalseductress]

https://www.tumblr.com/nanamiscocksleeve/773722545185865728/why-does-everyone-portray-caleb-to-be-dark?source=share

I agree with you!!

And my apologies Abt the zade thing, I made that reference because that's how I've seen many other writers (whom I won't name) portray him.

And I get that like you've said- he's got potential traits to be a yandere, but to write him wholly f*cking mc with a gun, with the explicit caption 'toxic Caleb' with dub-con?

Like I get it's fiction and ppl can write to their heart desires but when ppl r saying it's canon and it so quickly became the stereotype for that one character to the point that's the only thing you see online Abt him, it's tiring- especially when it doesn't fit him.

Like I kid you not, I actually didn't like Caleb for a while because of how everyone was initially characterizing him and the headcannons on how 'he's so dark romance coded' or 'hes giving zade vibes' and these were real comments, comments that made me avoid him until I was curious and decided to find out myself. Only to find out he's totally different??? Like I really wonder if we're actually experiencing the same thing bc I really don't see the 'extreme!! possessive! obsessive!' lover evb was speaking of 🤔

(URL change, no need to be scared. This blog used to be called nanamiscocksleeve. )

No need to apologize about the Zade thing, I know you were just saying what you saw from other blogs.

I've somehow missed a lot of the crazy toxic Caleb posts but omg, people are actually writing him f**king MC with a gun? I get it, it's fiction but geez that's dark and not on character for him. Infold has done a good job with keeping their LI's quite gentle when it comes to MC and I don't think Caleb is any different. He has no interest to hurt her or fuck her up emotionally, and it's evidenced so much in his memories so I just don't get it. People will see what they want to see I guess.

All the LI's have their own weird toxic traits around MC but I want to reiterate that they've only known her for a year and they have their other friends and colleagues whereas Caleb and she found each other as orphans in a shelter. Growing up they didn't have anyone except each other. I think this automatically puts Caleb in the right to feel like he's more entitled to her time and energy.

Even Zayne, who was a childhood friend isn't the same as Caleb. He might have been the boy next door but Zayne had a stable home and loving parents who were present for him as he grew up. That's very different compared to Caleb whose only perspective of stability comes from the relationship he has with MC.

I feel that way too, I feel like I saw something very different to what others are writing here. I see Caleb as someone who lost everything, found a family, even found love, then it was ripped away from him again. Now he and MC, essentially his anchor, don't know how to redefine their relationship. The MC he knew was probably clingy, and always wanted to be with him for everything. Now she's distanced herself and for two people who have never had that relationship of keeping secrets or maintaining distance, the amount of work it takes to adjust to that new dynamic can be crushing.

Caleb is possessive and obsessive but not to the point that it's dangerous. A little toxic perhaps since we know that he has mental health issues and refuses to get help but his end goal isn't to make MC fear or submit to him. He always looks so guilty whenever she looks scared and he's always asking her if he scared her. He even lets her remove parts of his uniform before they remove her chip if that's what it took to calm her down. He's aware how much he affects her and how much she wants their old relationship back and I think it really kills him inside to see her like this.

[ms-scarletwings]

A Messy, Sedulous Necropsy of Zib Membrane

That’s what we call him right? Not Invader Zib? Hell if I know, we’ll let the tags decide.

Whatever he is christened by his author, enemies, or fans, this titular villain of the Zimvoid is such a mind blaster to me. I wish we had more time with him within the comics. I wish he had been a concept explored in the show. I wish he had a movie. I am having fun with a little hyperbole here, but I truly do find him just as interesting and potentially pivotal of an antagonist as Tak was, if not even more.

Both, of course, were so badly underutilized for sake of the series status quo. To that, Zib was a much bigger threat than Tak, and especially to that of the comics’ own. He potentially changes everything, and somehow absolutely nothing by the end. The TV show always had a more overt tone of cruelty and the macabre floating about its themes. These print issues? I don’t dislike them. It’s still recognizably invader Zim, and the more the merrier, content-wise, but longtime fans can feel that there was this change of essence in the transition. More obviously, in the art, but more subtly, there was an audible softening of that bluntly darker, cynical tone the show was made iconic for. To put it very generally, they lean a little more into the whackiness of this world, there’s a lot more dark comedy to be found in what I’ve seen so far rather than in your face darkness, and in the absence of the ost and voice acting the show accustomed us to, the comics leave a lot more room to be read as you wile. To me, they’re goofier and more episodic in spirit.

This all is not a critique or rating on the comics.. It’s purely, I feel, why Zib stuck out to me all the more jarringly in his context. His reveal was a genuine twist that brought forth stakes higher than arguably any other threat in the entire franchise. He represents a plausible while horrifying prophecy of our main characters if only they made worse decisions. The most interesting of all, for every piece of amazing information he fed to us, he bred dozens more questions about everything than he answered, from Irken machinations, to his ambivalent backstory, to the secrets hidden by the sum of his parts.

Though he was left evidently alive at the end of his story, I don’t see any chance for him making a return, so he is memorialized as another defeated one-off the writers have brisked past and left behind for good. Therefore, I’m here today to take what we got and present it on the metaphorical autopsy table. I want to really pull apart why this character alone pulled me back into the TV series, really just flay open the bits I can’t get out of my own head and dig harder until we find something or we run out of threads to tug at. Starting with the one already hanging out of my mouth, but

• B.E.F

“Bad End Friend” is a term I learned the meaning of within the last 12 hours or so of writing this, and I’m exuberant over that discovery. It’s a niche trope i didn’t know ive been a giant fan of since I was a child. Summed up, fictional characters from beloved media, typically, animated child protagonists… given the worst case scenario treatment. Their “bad ending”, whether that means a corruption arc, demonic possession, a lovecraftIan tragedy… usually something that’s anywhere along the lines of a fate worse than death to a full villainous turnover. As a treat. The concept is strongly associated with fanworks and AUs of popular media, but just as often this is something that becomes explored in the source material as well. A couple great examples I know would probably be Ice Prince Finn from Adventure Time or what happens in Undertale when you decide you want to run the most depraved playthrough possible. From a more mature story, “Evil” Morty is another validly arguable sample.

Besides a bit of a fondness I got going for certain dark or spooky themes in general, what I REALLY love about canonical BEFs the most is their utility as characterization tools. They’re the “having your cake and eating it too” option! The perfect way for an author to explore certain things about any character without actually committing to well… a bad ending.

Almost always, they are necessarily hypothetical or reversible. If they’re not reversible, they go often hand-in-hand with a little universe tampering to make happen. Sometimes, this means the story goes the way of time travel and branching off butterfly effects. Sometimes it means confirming multiverse theory, which can be the same thing depending on your semantical position.

And Zib crossed off the BEF qualifications by far and away. His implications are extremely dark given any pause think about them, and he’s a living, disturbing tragedy in aftermath. If you want to view a rigamarole about that aspect of his characterization as he appeared in the comics, someone else long beat me to that and I’m enthusiastically recommending a peek at their own work. I’m thrilled to do so and build a little upon that with those extended what-if-wonders.

• Lessons From a Lost Episode

Elephant in the room I haven’t seen someone ask yet, uh..

By show rules, isn’t Zib supposed to be a clear case of the writers committing the sin of retcon? By show I’m including the unaired scripts, including “10 Minutes to Doom”. In that one we had what looked like the potential setup for a Zib case, and it was deconstructed across the whole episode.

In short recap, Dib learned the hard and reckless way about the true nature of what Irken PAKs actually are. This is not an inventory bag, it is not “gear”. It’s the actual Irken entity- at least, the primary component.

Detaching it from the organic shell essentially caused a temporary split into two instances of Zim, desperately trying to connect back together under threat of obliteration.

Like let me be very clear about this,

The PAK is an autonomous instance of Zim’s consciousness, and it’s the main one. We’ve seen it act to save his life when his body has been out cold or flatlined, and he doesn’t appear the least bit disoriented or confused once “he” wakes and jumps back into the action. There’s no known separate computer assistant AI or security autopilot in there. That code, that program, IS Zim. As Long as the PAK is active, he is capable of staying fully conscious and able to react to what’s happening around him, and that’s what we’ve been seeing, his own actions.

Zim proved me right when Virooz tried to replace him and detached the PAK. Take note of his phrasing after the chair event™.

“I” activated the protocol. Immediately after Virooz ran off with my shell.

“I” Voluntarily chose to do so.

I don’t remember it playing out like that in “10 Minutes to Doom”.

Attaching to a new host wasn’t the first reflex. Dib was not the least bit aware that that he has literally holding the actual Zim captive in sense, and the latter was fighting like a cornered animal to escape him. Failing that, alongside the distance between him and his original body growing fast, he made a last desperate gambit, and he willingly connected himself into Dib’s body.

I can see why he thought this was better than nothing, no matter how repulsive the notion might have been. If he couldn’t fend Dib off physically, he could incapacitate him in some fashion by trying to overtake his will. Maybe give the shell a better chance to catch up, maybe in the longshot hope of being able to pilot dib in order to become whole with the correct host again. And you can say he succeeded, at least in dominating bodily control away from Dib, but at the cost of his already tenuously held sanity. This could be because of the interference of Dib’s own mind still resisting to fully submit, or malfunctions because of the biological incompatibility; however, the thing that Dib mentally becomes is only the basic idea of what “Zim” is. Instead of remembering it needs to reunite with its shell ASAP, the PAK mistakes Dib’s body for its own and goes through the manic motions of following the Invader mission. And it does this, weirdly enough, with almost no regard for blowing its cover.

When things are set right again, Zim’s later words near the episode ending revealed that he knew that was an unsustainable state.

Such a risk was not just accounted for, he was actually banking on it if that clock had hit zero. If Zim had truly lost, if he was really doomed to meet his end on this nasty rock in the middle of Nowhere, Space, then by every damned circuit in his being, he was going to take down this insolent fool boy and as many other humans possible with him. A dying act of vengeful rage.

• The Exceptional… Exception

Now, wouldn’t all of this be the definitive reason for Zib’s existence to be an aberrant impossibility? Yes, but actually no. Fun thing about multiverses is if something doesn’t work in one setting, you can just tweak a few dials and suddenly you have a world where the impossible becomes possible. But that’s a pretty cheap answer, isn’t it? So, what exactly was that crucial difference?

What happened in Zib’s timeline that went down so, so divergently from the events of 10 Minutes to Doom?

Because the only one who was in any position to explain it for us was Zib himself, and he’s proven to be one of the most unreliable of narrators. It’s as @dana-chan-the-control-brain already spared no effort to demonstrate, when he does tell us something about his past, his story is pocked with contradicting half-truths or outright lies. Ergo it helps to break down each recount of events to pick out the real facts.

Version 1: This is an alternate version of dib who defeated his complementing Zim (logically sensible) and went on to achieve all of the success and respect he sought after in his timeline (absolute bullshit). He kind of gestures and only implies about what has happened to his body while explaining that he came to his current understanding of Irken technology by studying it through Zim’s lab (a partial truth). He lets slip in passing that he has in fact fused with the PAK in order to learn how to alter and reprogram its coding, lessons he has applied to Number 2 in order to have a brainwashed pawn (also apparently true).

Version 2, when cornered and red handed: This is an alternate version of Dib who managed to specifically stop Zim's mission (Again, makes sense) but somehow could not convince the world of his findings or his warnings about the Irken Armada (*VERY eyebrow raising). Frustrated with the people’s lack of cooperation, he decides he has no choice but to physically merge with Zim’s PAK post-mortem (concerning and evidently mostly accurate), dominate the Earth himself, and enslave humans to help him in his efforts (highly troubling and probably true). The construction of his EMP super-weapon is successful, but ultimately led to the creation of the Zimvoid when the device was field tested (self evident, absolutely horrifying).

You know what I noticed was missing from both of these accounts? Exactly how his Zim was defeated. Which honestly could have been some beyond useful wisdom to pass along to the main Dib??? More than anything else? I’m not going to fault our boy for not pressing that matter better under the awing circumstance; however, there’s an implication I’ve been reading between lines. 

When Zib mentions “defeating” his own Zim, he’s talking about something different than ours.

When our Dib has always talked about “defeating” Zim, he’s meant incapacitation and capture. Throughout the show he explicitly wants to present Zim before an audience alive and whole. Yeah, he fantasizes about other people torturing or disassembling him for study, but HIS role was supposed to be reaping the fame for an undeniable, ground-breaking discovery. Conspiracies and cryptids are all this kid breathes and lives by! And as long as pop culture has always been fascinated with the paranormal, and he has to know this full well, people keep bringing forward hoax after hoax after scam. I mean there’s a freaking current one or few still going IRL about this exact topic. Dib would want no room left for being dismissed as another one of those con artists. 

Nonetheless, I actually doubt this is the reason Zib couldn’t get through to the scientific community. A genuine alien lifeform, even a dead one, could still be confirmed by any basic medical examination. The world thinks Dib is too crazy to listen to, but his father is still Professor Membrane. In "10 Minutes to Doom" OUR Dib got as close as having Membrane literally analyzing a PAK, or at worst, preparing to. “Ultimate Dib” gets his hands on the same thing and pulls a move I’d expect from an HP Lovecraft Protagonist instead.

We’re assuming way too much to what these two Dibs have in common, because this ^^^ is really what made the Zimvoid an outlier in the multiverse. That world didn’t only have a very different, more threatening Zim from the main timeline, it had the Dib who proved even more formidable, cunning, and ruthless, even before the fusion. 

He didn’t obtain that PAK ala the “10 minutes to Doom” accident, it’s a personal trophy. This is extra strange remembering that capturing an Irken is realistically more easy than killing one. They’re seriously more tenacious than kudzu and will even fight back in PAK form alone. I’m convinced that whatever sort of final showdown made the Ultimate Dib the victor, there are two optional endings on the table.

Option 1: There was not a body even left intact enough to bring in to research. Maybe Dib’s fault, maybe an accident, maybe even Zim’s own luck running out and his incompetent antics finally swallowed him (and possibly GIR). This theory assumes that the PAK was the only sort of remains to come into Dib’s recovery/possession.

Option 2: Curiosity Killed the cat,

but satisfaction brought it back.

Or, the one I personally headcanon. Dib… all Dibs, I assume, don’t just hate the Irken species. They are mesmerized by them, and all that they represent from his perspective. Firstly, the epic villain he gets to roleplay nemesis to in order to feel his own worth and importance. Secondly, an unknown wonder from beyond the boundaries of the cosmos. He’s not really a ghost buster or a Men In Black agent at heart, but a scientist, like his father. Underneath his contempt for Zim’s plans to destroy the world is a genuine and appropriately childish awe for alien presence, especially for Zim’s technology. His silent, dopey smile when Tak’s ship ended up in his backyard said more than words ever will.. 

Earlier in the show, a great deal of Dib’s time and effort was spent on trying to infiltrate the lower levels of Zim’s base. Sneaking into the house was hard enough, but the computer security can’t be bypassed like the gnomes. Not even by Zim himself unless he really is all himself. Perhaps you’re starting to sniff where I’m going with this one when I refer back to “Bolognius Maximus”. I’ve another reference that’s a little more on the nose, and a lot more… dark.

Were an expired Irken husk before you, you too might take your victory and cash in then. Still, who knows what sudden impulse may run through the head of a less humble version of yourself, one some could call greedier, obsessive to a fault, a screw or two loose, yet, a hell of a smart cookie. Smart enough to see it for what it actually was, the keys to a whole world of discovery that went so many layers deeper than they could ever imagine. It’s possible the Ultimate Dib already learned beforehand the same hard lessons about the PAKs that our own did, and took that understanding toward not repeating the same mistake this time. What happened to Zim? I think he was murdered in cold blood, body, and entity. “10 Minutes to Doom” showed us a fight between 2 brains clinging to one body, struggling until one overpowered another, but that’s not what this is. Through whatever means of science were available to him, this Dib has probably tried to “disarm” the technology by either erasing Zim’s consciousness out of it altogether, or by forcing the autonomous code into a kind of dormancy. His intentions were to render it back to its basic hardware without losing its precious knowledge and usefulness, something like the brain-filled tank that was wired into Skrang’s head. Zim’s PAK doesn’t cling onto his body like a parasitic teratoma this time; it’s merged in a literal sense with his nervous and circulatory system. As well, he has fooled the device’s ability to detect and reject a foreign host shell, the exact same way he deceived the the base’s security AI. If an Irken biology is what these measures authorize to command them and their secrets, then he had the tools on hand to give them just that- in an atrocity I like to call

the darker harvest.

Within this theory, there is not as much room to wonder exactly what became of Zim’s organic remains. 

But where Dib fucked up was, for the second time, in his ignorance to the true nature of what he was even playing with. That was a mistake that even the mighty Elder Brains of Judgementia lost themselves to; How much more vulnerable was the weak, human mind? Though Zim can be devoured, he can never be digested. In that fact was born this aberration against nature, sanity, and humanity alike.

"Have you ever heard of insect politics? Neither have I. Insects… don't have politics. They're very… brutal. No compassion, no compromise. We can't trust the insect. I'd like to become the first… insect politician. Y'see, I'd like to, but… I'm afraid, uh… I'm saying… I'm saying I - I'm an insect who dreamt he was a man and loved it. But now the dream is over… and the insect is awake." - Seth Brundle, The Fly, 1986

By fusing what is half-mad and what is utterly mad, neither being was cured, only assimilated into the birth of a new madness. The madness of the creature that snickers behind the curtain in the Zimvoid. I rightfully fear that lonesome thing, but not I think as much as I pity him.

• Dejavu, or Re:Plagarism

One more thing about the Zimvoid arc I find curious is the way it makes you question more and more just how much of the aberration is actually still Dib, and how much of it is Zim's infection haunting him. He does nothing with all of his intellect, his resources, and his time in the void doing anything but surrounding himself in everything he claims he despises. He decries alien tyranny in one breath while lording over a homemade, cruel dictatorship in another. He calls for eradication of the very race who's technology and physiology he has thoroughly appropriated. He laments feeling unable to protect the Earth from the Armada alone, yet sneers literally through Irken teeth to insult humans as inferior and of no value to him any longer. Our Dib spent the whole damn show longing for the support of other people, but Zib pushes away potential allies in his arrogance. His broken timeline never became a Dibvoid instead because while only half of his mind can't stand Irkens, both of the souls inside him remember that they loathe and look down upon a Dib, deep inside.

The corruption goes as far as even subverting his own creativity. None of Zib's plans are wholly original. His anti-Irken weapon was already a concept blueprinted inside of that PAK before the merge. Our Dib has several times shown a propensity for some DIY ingenuity, sometimes dipping a toe into the supernatural. Zib entirely calls upon, scavenges and regurgitates Irken designs with a few modifications or upgrades. The Dib Virus, I think is his most uninspired creation yet, for it's original form was always something inside of Zim, even if the latter himself was not aware of the fact. Like all else, it is a weapon he has plundered, customized, and turned around on everyone else for his own selfish ends. This brief point I will end on one  more reflection. The one kind of help Zim ever allowed at his side were the likes of GIR and his own creations. Unable to connect and cooperate with his peers and own kind, his ego preferred to be around those defective machines he related to- drones to be owned by him and always loyally at his beck and call. A slave to admire him unconditionally is the only companionship he's ever been willing to admit to desiring.

And what was Number 2's purpose again? What role exactly were the arena combatants auditioning for, when you think about it?

[kimakento]

HE PLAYS BASS

synopsis: after your last relationship, you thought you would never be able to find love. but love comes in strange forms, and one of those forms is somehow your band’s bassist, kimata syoya. ⌙ 15.1k

pairing: bassist!kimata syoya x vocalist!fem!reader

genre: fluff + angst + slice of life

tags: band!au, non-idol!au, lots of pining, reader’s slightly younger than syoya, the band’s a family, bandmates to lovers, everyone is very confused, very messy so no judging pls, the lcu is present (lapone cinematic universe), ik nothing about bands/instruments so take everything with a grain of salt

warnings: language, heavy miscommunication, slightly suggestive, mentions of toxic r/s, scenes of lashing out, use of rihito as a plot device (sorry), jealousy

author’s note: yet another beabadoobee inspired fic, lets all act surprised… it’s a long one so please enjoy this self indulgent ass oneshot !!! this is my gift to jams for the new years !

songwriting’s always just come natural to you. it was the thing you enjoyed most; conveying your heart and soul through your lyrics. sometimes, joy flowed through your pen as you jotted down all your thoughts, and in rare occurrences, it was yearning. but all you could understand was that it was your escape from reality.

and so you created a band with some of your other friends. main vocals were your position, miu was on guitar with junki, koshin, the youngest, had the keyboard, syoya was the band’s bassist; and your dignified drummer position belonged to keigo. but of course you couldn’t forget your self-proclaimed ‘band manager’ — or so he says — sano yudai, who exuded a sense of recklessness yet somehow possessed a calm character at times.

the band actually scouted koshin after hearing him play piano and singing at a local open-stage cafe, where you all were baffled at his raw talent. the boy had fit the band’s concept perfectly, definitely a welcomed addition.

meanwhile, at junki’s desk, you exasperatedly covered your face. the words seemed to stubbornly refuse to etch themselves onto the infuriatingly blank page of your notebook. for context, only hours ago, inspiration had bloomed in your mind. and you couldn’t wait to note it all down. so there you were, sprawled out on the guitarist’s bed and drowning in self-pity.

for you, writer’s block used to be something you never thought you would ever experienced; almost a fairytale.

minutes later, a knock rang out from behind the door. and as you softly answered, it creaked open to show syoya standing animatedly with his eyes fixed on you. the man stepped through the frame and made his way to you after shortly shutting the door. taking a seat on the bed, his gaze alternated between the notebook on your stomach and the annoyed look that was plastered on your expression.

“what’s wrong?” syoya broke the silence.

fiddling with the hem of your shirt, you answered without meeting his concern-filled eyes.

“it’s just—” a heavy sigh escaped your lips. “i can’t write. like, all the ideas are there but i just can’t seem to write them down. i don’t know where all my inspiration has gone.”

you shifted from your position and sat up, hands covering your face.

“don’t push yourself too hard, nothing’s going to get done if you do that. you’re one of the best songwriters i’ve ever seen — if not the best. it’ll come to you.”

“ thank you, syoya. i appreciate it. you know, it’s a huge compliment coming from someone as talented as you.”

his hand rested on your shoulder. “no worries! it’s all true.”

for the first time then, you tilted your head up, observing the features of the bassist before shooting him a knowing smile.

as the whole band were over at junki’s to chill, the door flew open and junki rushed in the room.

“guys, yudai’s told us that he’s got some big news!”

“what?” you both questioned at the same time.

“there’s no time for questions! just come down now!” he frantically gestured for the two of you to follow him downstairs.

the other members were settled across the living room with yudai standing proudly in the centre, a smug grin on his face. the man crossed his arms, remarking swiftly.

“so, you guys took your time.”

“oh, fuck off.” you replied quickly before taking a seat on the couch and syoya plopping down next to you.

yudai chirped up again. “now we’re all gathered, i have amazing news for our band.”

“with all this band talk, you’d think he was actually managing us.” keigo murmured across from you, prompting fits of laughter and giggles from a majority of the members.

“hey! that’s not a very nice thing to say.” an expression of faux anger formed on the band manager’s face before he continued. “i was able to get us a place for rehearsal. it’s not too far from here, but you guys won’t have to keep on doing all that shit in my garage or whatever. that means no more sound complaints, yay!”

“wait, is this a prank or what? is this actually true?” miu questioned warily.

“no? it was surprisingly quite inexpensive, to be honest.” the man replied.

all of you cheered before rushing to embrace the man in a tight hug, expressing your gratitude. it was no secret that it was a collective wish to have a space dedicated for rehearsal. you all took the band seriously and that was the first step. the second was to make it; hopefully getting a music label to to sign you. but that could come later.

junki — who’d previously been quiet — shouted randomly, which prompted a majority of you to flinch.

“when can we go to check it out?” the man asked enthusiastically, clinging onto koshin’s wrist.

yudai hummed. “probably tomorrow..? if you’re all free that is.”

in unison, you all nodded in thought.

while syoya and keigo conversed animatedly off to the corner of the room, the other three men cracked jokes, laughing a little too loudly for your liking — namely junki and yudai guffawing, while koshin watched in awe of their stupid actions.

miu pulled you aside, a huge smile plastered her face. “can you believe that he’s actually managed to get us a place? for once, yudai’s proved that he’s capable of using his brain!”

“do you really hate him that much? you both are like animals, always fighting, i swear.” you countered, failing to suppress your laughter.

“he ate my yogurt the other day, so yes!” nudging her gently, you tutted at her answer before shaking your head in disappointment. it was always cat and mouse between them; typical miu and yudai.

before the girl in front of you could whine any further, said man confirmed the time you were all supposed to gather to move everything in.

━━━━━━━━━

when yudai claimed that the place was ‘surprisingly inexpensive’ you certainly didn’t consider a real rehearsal studio? your jaw dropped as you fumbled your phone to recheck the address that was sent to you by the band manager. it was… right? the building was furbished neatly, with an elegant exterior. you knew yudai was rich but not this rich; there’d be no way he was able to afford something like that.

the area surrounding the studio was tranquil, there wasn’t too much hustle and bustle around the area, making it perfect for band practice.

you turned to the other members, mirroring their own shocked expressions.

“is he crazy?” junki quipped.

“must be. there’s no way.” keigo added.

miu cleared her throat. “where the fuck is he anyways?”

the ringing tone only sounded out as you tapped impatiently, bringing your phone to your ear. “syoya told me that he and koshin would ride with yudai.”

just as you finished your sentence, a white jeep — specifically yudai’s white jeep — had rolled past you and parked a few feet away. the three men — or boys as miu would say — hopped out, casually strolling towards you.

you noticed something different about the bassist headed towards your group of four. his hair was styled? the thick strands held a middle part, a part of his forehead showing. it looked good on him. he looked good.

what? you snapped out of your thoughts as yudai twirled a set of keys around his finger.

“hope i didn’t keep y’all waiting long.” a smug grin tugged at his lips, his dimples making an appearance. he swooshed the strands of hair out of his eyes dramatically before holding out his arms as he passed you, his poise reminding you as that of a bodyguard. “stand back!”

koshin and miu rolled their eyes dismissively as junki and keigo burst out laughing, seemingly entertained with his antics. amidst the ruckus, syoya made his way to your side.

“hey.”

“hi.” you replied. “how was the drive here?”

“it was nice—“

the words slipped out. “by the way, i like what you did with your hair. it suits you.” a small smile formed on your features as you noticed the maroon colour that painted his cheeks.

“ah… thank you?” he grinned sheepishly, the response sounding more like a question.

for someone that was so cool on stage, he was really so awkward off it. it was cute.

both of you had become so caught up that you hadn’t noticed that the rest had already unlocked the doors and begun exploring the studio. with a call of both of your names, you rushed in quickly without a second word. your previous thoughts were correct, the studio was the real deal. there were already instruments waiting there for you; yudai had even gone through the trouble of bringing some of your amps too. there were two couches at the corners; beanbags too. further down, you could make out what was to be a recording booth?

“sano yudai. is that a—“ you looked over at him in pure shock.

“a recording booth, yes!”

your jaw dropped as you charged towards him, wrapping him in a tight embrace.

“you’re definitely my favourite person now. are you kidding, is this even real?”

the other five members cooed at your reaction as the man struggled out of your bear grip.

“i know you’ve been wanting your own place to.. you know, create music. you do so much for the band, basically writing all the music and put so much into it. you really deserved it.”

you could almost feel the tears as you waved your hands about in dismissal and walked into the studio. it wasn’t too large, just comfortable enough for two or three at a time, it felt so homely to you. this was really the only thing you’ve ever really wished for.

you were going to create so many memories here.

it felt so surreal; nothing else could compare. in a daze, you walked towards the rest of the group. “someone pinch me, i think i’m dreaming.” but the feeling of someone actually pinching you caused you to let out a loud yelp in pain. “i was joking. come on, keigo! that wasn’t funny.”

“but you asked someone to pinch you…” he countered.

syoya interrupted. “yeah man, you should stop.”

“you always take her side, that’s no fair.” keigo huffed to himself in annoyance.

when your gaze flickered to his figure, you noticed his eyes were already on you to which you tilted your head in question. an awkward chuckle emerged from his throat and syoya couldn’t help but smile at your reaction.

you let out groan, “i’m not going to let someone like keigo ruin the best day of my life. i’ll just appreciate yudai!” a ‘hey!’ in annoyance left the drummer’s mouth as he processed your words towards him.

padding softly around the studio, you admired the interior with a big smile on your face. it was perfect. the aura that radiated off the building accommodated the serious energy of the band. slowly, the rest of the member’s had gathered at the lounging area of the studio. one by one, you all thanked yudai, who you could tell was enjoying it to the fullest. it’s not everyday that the band manager was serenaded with flattery instead of being the target of relentless teasing and insults.

“it’s just what i do. no need to thank me.” he announced smugly.

“you can almost see how much bigger his head’s gotten. we better stop with the compliments.” the drummer pointed out.

miu stepped in, defusing the situation. “whatever. since we’ve gotten our practice place sorted out. what’s left now is our final dream—“

“being signed to a record label!” junki’s voice boomed in excitement.

“thanks for cutting me off so kindly, junki.” the guitarist dejected.

“of course, you’re welcome!”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

kimata syoya thought you were pretty.

from the first moment his eyes met yours, they’d lured him to be bewitched. that junki really should’ve warned him about it, was his thought at first. the man would’ve cleaned up a bit before meeting the band for the first time.

there you were on the couch, a notebook sprawled across your lap, a pen caught between your teeth whilst looking frustrated. the bassist had never been competent at talking to girls, even though he was loud and sometimes bubbly, syoya could not find it in himself. especially pretty ones like you.

and your voice. if syoya wasn’t infatuated when he first noticed you, he definitely was when he heard you sing.

syoya thought you were so pretty, it hurt.

no, it ached.

and to make things worse, he’d joined the band by the time you had started to learn guitar, so he tried his best to offer assistance. but it certainly wasn’t healthy how his heart would practically swell double in size whenever you’d directly ask him for guidance.

despite all that, syoya’s only hope was that you thought he was pretty too.

the man had observed your personality quite a bit. he’d noticed how you would sometimes baby and tease koshin even though you were only a few years older, how you’d willingly consult with junki about your original songs, how you’d constantly gossip cheerfully with miu; syoya could tell how much you loved the band.

with you, of course you thought syoya was pretty too. though unlike him, ‘in a friendly way! because you and syoya were both just friends.’ repeated like a mantra in your mind.

but now, quite frankly, something had changed. your body had suddenly become more alert whenever he was in the vicinity. that unpleasant churning in your stomach only amplified, creating more discomfort when around him. it was reminiscent of the feeling of nervousness, but ten times worse.

there was something seriously wrong with you.

it wasn’t noticeable at first, but somehow gradually shifted to becoming unbearable. the feeling was partially unfamiliar — not new, but an emotion you yearned to feel again.

no one could disagree that you’ve always put up a front, avoiding situations that would inevitably leave you vulnerable. specifically love. that route wasn’t particularly unfamiliar to you. you knew it all too well. and you hated it. so much to the point you would rip your own heart to never feel it again out if you could.

the route known as rihito. the man who’d assisted with your groceries one random day, with a big grin plastered his face. it was cute, really. so you decided to give it a try with the somehow charming bassist of the random underground band called ini.

just for it to ruin you.

getting with the only girl he knew was low; even worse how it was one of your childhood friends. maybe if ikezaki rihito bothered to notice just how much effort you put into the relationship; making sure to call him everyday, sending good morning texts, planning dates, turning up to all his shows in support of him, waving some stupid banner with his name in full.

that was over a year ago. yet the mental scars were ever fresh in your mind, still beckoning you to reminisce once in a while. sometimes you’d act on the urge to coop up in your room of your shared apartment with miu and sob in your bed as she’d knock quietly, asking if you’d eaten yet or how you were feeling. whenever reminded of his existence, your heart would constrict.

being totally transparent, you had despised the hold he still had on you. how even the letters of his name used to cause you distress.

but there’d been this constant thought that bugged you; it was your fault. rihito at the start compared to towards the end of the relationship was just so… different.

then, you could only wonder; where was the sweet man you once knew? did he become bored of you?

however, you were better now. he no longer plagued your mind and slowly seeped away from your memory. his name was completely foreign to your lips.

what replaced the unwelcomed memory was the enigma known as kimata syoya.

“[name]!”

a voice cut through your train of thought. jolting up from your seat at the call of your name, you were met with yudai’s eyes that flashed with confusion. he’d asked you to meet at your local cafe so abruptly that it had scared you.

“were you even listening?” his eyes raked over the features of your face, noting your zoned out expression and the frown on your lips. “you look out of it.”

you shook your head. “i’m fine. what were you saying?”

“oh yeah! recently, i’ve been seeing posters all around asking for an opening act for that one music festival, harmony fest.”

“no way!” a gasp left your mouth as your eyes widened.

“so, i was thinking we could, you know, secure that spot?”

in disbelief, you swirled around the coffee that was in your cup, watching the ripples intensify the more you swished.

“you’re crazy,” you paused. “totally the kind of crazy we need.”

your manager grinned widely and stuffed the remains of cake on his plate into his mouth, the sudden action making you coo internally. once finished, he jumped up, startling you once again.

“let’s go!” spinning on his heel, he’d already began to make his way outside.

furrowing your brows, you gathered your belongings and rushed after him. there was a nagging excitement bubbling in your heart. there’d be no way your band would be chosen to open for the harmony fest, right?

only minutes later, you found yourself standing in front of a tall, sleek building at yudai’s side. the nerves had gotten to you and made you more antsy than usual. you kept telling yourself; you guys had to seize the opportunity, of course people would only become more curious about the band if you attended an anticipated music festival with other known artists.

wiping your clammy hands on the sides of your cardigan, you exhaled heavily before stepping inside with the man next to you. the white marble interior paired with the soft music playing in the back raised the ambience of the building, putting you at ease. a few metres ahead of you, a large desk lay, with people — secretaries and receptionists, you figured — occupying the seats, busy like bees, taking phone calls and furiously scribbling things down.

the setting caused you to peer around in awe as you walked up to the front. lazily, you watched as your manager exchanged words animatedly with the secretary, only snapping back when he told you to wait for him.

“i’ll be back. just gonna go and smooth things out.” yudai said nonchalantly.

“hmm, okay.” you made your way to the couch across from you, taking a seat and occupying yourself with your phone to try to pass the time. somewhere along the way, bored of your phone; you observed the pedestrians outside. their busy nature calmed you.

as you sat in the hallway, muffled voices of yudai and an unknown man drifted towards you, creating a sense of curiosity. you strained to catch every word, your forehead creasing when you heard the man say, “say hello to your father for me.”

“of course! i can’t begin to express my thanks.” yudai’s tone had this odd professional flair to it.

you knew yudai extremely well, but the mention of his father raised a thousand questions. why was this stranger talking to him about his father? what exactly did he mean? as the footsteps grew louder, you instinctively slumped back into your seat. your eyes widen as you recognise the man next to yudai when they walk towards you; a very famous music label manager. as you scramble to bow, the man lets out an airy chuckle dismissing you playfully.

“i’ll be on my way now, it was nice of you to stop by yudai and miss…” he gave yudai’s back a light slap.

“uhh, [name]!” you introduced yourself.

“miss [name]. i’ve heard good things about your talent from this young man over here, i can’t wait to see your performance.”

the statement caught you off guard, causing your pupils to widen as you accepted the offer to shake his hand enthusiastically. after retracting your hand, you bowed again as he began to walk away from you, leaving your jaw agape.

“you should close your mouth or you’ll catch flies.” your manager giggled beside you.

“there is no way your ass knows him,” your voice was shaky with shock. “bro, you must be some sort of superhero! this is so crazy.”

“save the flattery for until we tell the others, [name].” yudai remarked, a lazy smirk playing on his lips.

and that, you did.

as soon as you all met up at the studio, you stayed silent.

shaking your hands in a jazz-hands motion, you announced loudly. “guess who’s performing at harmony fest?”

keigo was the first to react, shouting in disbelief; the others following closely behind.

harmony fest was a big event for any and al artists in your area. your bandmates all crowded around you until you broke it up.

“it’s all cause of our favourite rich kid yudai, of course.”

the man walked forward, reaching his arms out. “now you guys can hit me with all the compliments.”

“he is so weird.” miu muttered under her breath. you nudged her side, prompting her to stop herself. “…such a cool guy!”

“miu not bullying me for once?” yudai asked sarcastically. “i like this side of you way more!”

“oh shu— ow! i mean, sure!”

“i guess nepotism has its benefits.” junki added. “let’s go out tonight and celebrate our one and only nepo baby.”

“that’s more like it.” yudai nodded. “who’s paying?”

everyone looked at him.

“oh.” he began “but that’s not fair, i thought i was being celebrated.”

“tough.” it was miu’s turn to snort.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

you dropped your face into your hands, exasperated; the acoustic guitar laid forgotten in your lap. confusion etched your expression as you squeezed your eyes shut in an attempt to gather your thoughts. why weren’t the ideas just flowing from your head? in your brain, the chords were there, the lyrics were already written, the idea was perfectly thought out. frankly, you didn’t know what exactly was wrong with you.

previous supportive comments from your members flooded your mind. maybe all you had to do was think positively? one peculiar thing flashed in your mind. a bassist, the band’s bassist; your bassist— kimata syoya. words and thoughts alike failed you, there was no reason for you to be deep in thought over him.

you groaned aloud for what seemed like the thousandth time. why did songwriting have to be so impossible sometimes?

relaxing into your chair, you let your eyes scan the room. the black, sound-proofed walls and the microphone stand behind the glass panel that was in front of you. you imagined yourself behind it, diligently singing into the mic; searching far and wide for the right note, the right pitch, the right you. it might’ve been a peculiar image to others, but it certainly wasn’t to you. music was your life. and it was what brought a smile to your face and bubbled determination in your heart.

tapping the guitar, you hummed in newfound motivation. you faced the booth, peering down. fingers danced along the strings as you began strumming softly, singing along.

“hey, won’t you call me back? ‘cause i’ve been waiting for a text back. it hurts my brain.” taking a short breath, you continued, your voice conveying just how vulnerable you felt. “this guy who plays bass.” as the verse came to a close, you heard a loud twang. fuck. you had played the wrong chord.

“that’s the wrong chord. you were totally off-key.” a voice cut in, causing you to turn around, following the voice.

in return, a weak smile tugged at your lips. “as if didn’t know that. but of course, i need the great guitar expert kimata syoya to tell me.”

from the doorframe, he chuckled before taking a seat in the chair next to you; manoeuvring it so that he was in your direct line of view.

“here. this fret.” his voice was like a gentle melody, cascading onto your ears while he placed his finger on yours, directing it to the right chord on the very-much forgotten guitar. as he leaned towards you, the close proximity caused you to hold your breath in anticipation whilst your gaze zeroed in on the mole just below his lips. “try it again.”

you nodded, attempting to follow the instruction — only failing embarrassingly when your finger misses the chord a second time; the twang once again strewn in the atmosphere.

the bassist shook his head, before giggling. yet, you couldn’t help but be glued to the crinkles of his eyes.

heaving himself up from the seat, syoya swerved around your chair; only resting his hands on your shoulder when you tried to turn around and follow him.

“stop slouching over your guitar, you’re going to become a hunchback in only a few months at this rate.” he remarked before peering over your shoulder and enveloping his somehow-warm hands on top of yours, once again instructing you to place the instrument comfortably. the scent of his cologne reaching your senses caused you to notice just how close you were. you froze as his chin brushed your shoulder; only millimetres away from resting upon it. his finger tapped the strings of your guitar once more.

“this chord, right here.” the bassist tapped it once again before continuing. “might be a little hard for you to reach it since your hands are so small.”

“syoya.” you deadpanned. “pretty sure that this doesn’t even involve hand size. and your hand is like a nanometre bigger — actually if anything they’re the exact same size so i don’t want to hear that coming from you.”

the man only hummed in response, ushering you to quickly quieten down. his figure loomed over you, a stark reminder of the proximity between you both.

“now play that chord, and hold this fret with your index and middle.”

nodding along, you attempted it again and was met with a positive result. in blind joy, you bounced out your chair and engulfed syoya in a hug, threading your arms around his neck after setting down the guitar. there was a split moment of awkward hesitation from him, his arms faltered before coming to rest around your back. frankly, he didn’t what to do or feel; it felt as if his heart was about to beat out his chest.

“thank you, syoya. i thought i’d never get it.”

every syllable spoken fanned his shoulder blade as you practically nestled your face further into him.

briskly, you pulled back, not wanting to make him uncomfortable with the sudden initiation of skin-ship. a second of understanding waved through the bassist before he leaned forward; bringing a small moment of hesitation before his lips found yours. syoya reached for you slowly, and with a small measure of uncertainty before deepening the kiss — almost a silent plead for permission. and you answered by cupping his jaw gently, revelling in the serenity of the moment. it felt just right. you’d wanted this to last forever, just you and syoya together, kissing, his lips on yours, hand on your hip and the other trailing down your torso – just the two of you in the moment and nothing else.

your heart raced as the seconds passed, wanting out of your chest. it felt like pure joy.

all that filled your consciousness was him as you gripped him tighter, your need growing. simply put, it was two people caught up in chasing their desires.

however, something interrupted those desires. a sliver of doubt buzzed in your mind. what if he was just using you? like rihito? you weren’t sure what to believe; your thoughts failed you. the ambiguity of your feelings caused your head to reel, and you didn’t want to rush into anything too soon.

but feelings? that was something big, that was something too tangible for someone like you. that was real. and you didn’t do real. not like that.

the exchange between you was careful — scared even, but a reminder of your last relationship flashed in your mind.

the negative thoughts only hindered when the man placed his hand over yours which was still on his cheek. in one swift move, he moved from you, his gaze scanning yours. a frown turned at his mouth as a glint of regret flashed your expression.

you didn’t like him like he liked you.

you didn’t like him at all.

“[name]?” a voice sounded out from behind the recording studio’s door.

“sorry, i’m just going to… go. fuck, i didn’t mean to do that.” syoya breathed out, clearly shaken. the handle turned slowly, the voice calling your name once again. “sorry again.”

you hated the way he hid from you. you wanted to tell syoya, you didn’t regret him, you weren’t able to. it. but you didn’t know what you were feeling.

the door opened, revealing an annoyed miu, but also served as an exit to a visibly troubled syoya.

“what’s that about?” the woman points out with a hint of curiosity in her tone.

sitting back down onto your chair, you bring your knees to yourself and drop your head onto them in self-pity. for a fleeting moment, your mind replayed the scene of his lips on yours, confusing you even further.

you let out yet another groan. “i hate this.”

you’ve known syoya for a while now, since the band was formed which was eight months to be exact. (he was described by junki as being unbelievably competent at playing both bass and guitar, but the band only required a bassist then.) the man first struck you as funny and sort of… loud. but you found it quite strange how his voice would instantaneously drop to a hushed whisper whenever in conversation with you.

at first, he interested you. who was this playful man that carried the light atmosphere with horrible dad jokes and silly antics? not only that, but he was cute. too cute for his own good. and in no way was syoya not good looking — not that looks were the only factor that dictated attraction — he was, but paired with his personality he just seemed to draw you in.

you were clingy sometimes, but whenever the man would even brush against you for a split moment there was almost a spark between you, causing your heart to run a million beats per second.

miu took a seat on the chair next to you, still left wondering why the bassist had left in such a hurry. you tilted your head, locking your eyes on hers.

“miu,”

she hummed in response to the call of her name.

“how do you know if you… actually like someone?” you began, your voice almost unheard by the end of the sentence.

“[name]…” there was an indescribable expression playing on her features. concern? curiosity? you didn’t know anymore. “after him, i don’t think you’re ready for a relationship just yet.”

miu knew. she recognised the dreamy look that was plastered all over your countenance. and she could also remember.

remember how vulnerable you became after that guy used you. remember how you spent days; weeks cooped up in your room, doing god knows what. remember how the tears just kept falling and falling, barely allowing even her to breathe. she would never forget it. miu wasn’t able to.

sakurai miu didn’t want you to experience that again. right when you had gotten over it.

no one else in the band knew, but miu had been your best friend for years.

“i don’t know. i’m just not sure if i can differentiate between if i like him or just the idea of him.” the confusion made you want to bang your head against the wall. “and i can’t help but think he’ll turn out like rihito in the long run.”

but you couldn’t help it; replaying the scene mentally. why would he do that? leaving you vulnerable and worried about something he initiated? that was a low thing to do.

“don’t say that.” the woman’s voice was soft as her arms grabbed the armrest of your chair, pulling you closer. “that man doesn’t deserve even the slightest of your brainpower.”

the frown on your mouth as your finger brushed against your lips caused her to rattle your chair, shaking you. “cheer up! if you keep dwelling on the past, it’ll only make you more sad.” miu quipped. “who’s this guy you’re talking about? do i know him?”

“not really sure if i should i answer that.”

“come on! please?”

a sigh left your mouth. “fine. you do. but that’s all i’m telling you.”

“wait, then he’s apart of the band.”

“what? no he isn’t.”

“you don’t talk to any men outside of the ones in the band.”

“oh.” you bitterly agreed. “that’s actually true…why is that true?”

appearing in deep thought, miu tapped her chin. “well i know for a fact it isn’t keigo or koshin. keigo’s too much of an ass for anyone to like him; a waste of good looks. i would think junki, but you two have too much of a sister-brother dynamic. yudai’s just weird. so that just leaves...” she trails off.

“syoya?” your eyes widened at the mention of his name which you tried to masked quickly. much to your avail, the guitarist had already caught on. “you like him? kimata syoya? our bassist?”

“uhh no.” you lied rather unconvincingly.

“it is him! it has to be!” she jumped out her seat, nearly pouncing on you. “why didn’t you tell me before?”

“because,” waving your hands in the air, you tried to defuse the seemingly irritated woman. in your defence, an angry miu was a scary miu. “i don’t even like him like that. it’s just really confusing.”

“yeah, whatever. i’ve always thought he’d taken too much of a liking towards you.” she squinted her eyes in disapproval.

“the fuck is that supposed to mean?” the statement was simply too incredulous to believe.

a heavy sigh was the only response you received. “that he likes you? it should’ve been obvious.”

“well, how was i supposed to know? someone who likes another person wouldn’t kiss them and then run away all in the span of a minute.” the words had already slipped out long before you could stop yourself. you truly couldn’t understand syoya.

“he kissed you?” miu gasped. “no fucking way.”

“yes way! but don’t forget about the part where i mentioned he ran away.”

“i didn’t think he’d have the balls to.” she hummed. “but you said that you weren’t sure if you do really like him, right?”

“yeah, but it’s all just confused me even more. how the hell am i going to face him now?” you clinged into the other woman’s arm, silently begging for a solution.

“confront him? i don’t know. get off me, you’re going to pull my arm off.” miu yanked her wrist from your grip and huffed. “it’s his fault, what he did was really weird and out of character.”

you hummed in agreement, slumping back.

“you know i originally came here to see how the song was going.”

reaching over to grab your notebook, you handed it to her bitterly to which she immediately accepted and began to skim through it. the expressions that adorned her features while reading only served to create anticipation within you. did she like it?

seconds later, she raised her up from the book.

“this is amazing. are you kidding? we are totally going to get some eyes on us with this song.”

“stop flattering me.” you glanced at your watch. “its so late. we have to pack up.”

“it’s true. and yeah, you’re right.” she nodded. “but i’m so hungry.”

“we can cook up something at home.”

“no, [name].” she whined. “let’s go buy…”

“with whose money?” you said before she clung to your arm.

“yours, of course!”

“no way.”

“please?”

a heavy sigh left your lips.

the next day, you all had agreed to rehearse for the opener at the studio. being you, that meant you had to arrive earlier to get some extra practice in.

when you reached the studio, you pulled out your spare key, letting yourself in and beelining for the couch after pulling your guitar along. you’d begun aimlessly strumming the instrument, humming along a melody. the noisy jingle of keys in the door turning made you shoot up, anticipating who it was to walk through the door. and of course it had to be the last person you would’ve wanted.

syoya turned around and closing the door, clearly not excited to have noticed you. shyly, he took a few steps forward on the shiny, wooden floor.

the audacity, you thought.

somehow he’d thought it was best to turn around and get his ass out of there.

“where are you going?” the bassist winced at your harsh tone that chipped away at him.

“i forgot something.” his response was equally dry, which only seemed to fuel the anger swelling in your chest.

you laughed in disbelief at his answer. “i believe you‘ve forgotten about something else too. that explanation you owe me.” talking to a brick wall would’ve been easier. “i think it’s common knowledge to not go around kissing others and then ghost them after.”

“can you stop? it was an accident. a heat in the moment thing.” syoya didn’t believe that himself at all. ‘i like you,’ he wanted to say.

“are you serious? you can’t even look at me! these pathetic excuses you keep giving me aren’t cutting it.”

sure you couldn’t pinpoint the exact nature of your feelings for syoya, but you definitely had the decency to not confuse him in the process. if that wasn’t hard for you, why was it hard for him?

“okay.” he was running from his emotions. again.

all it took was for one word for everything to come crashing down.

“you know what, i’m so done with you. you kiss me and you’re the one sulking? just take responsibility for the situation you created.” despite being only inches away from syoya, he refused to look at you. “sort yourself out first, i don’t even want to speak about it any more. you clearly have problems.” returning to your original seat on the couch, you collected your belongings and rushed outside. the building was suffocating you — or rather being in the same room as the bassist.

animosity had somehow wedged its way into every setting you were at together; band practice, outings, shared meals and the like. over the next few days, the other members had begun to realise as well, resorting to trying to resolve the situations themselves which failed miserably. forgiveness was earned and you certainly weren’t going to give it away that easily especially to syoya.

was it even worth it? your first performance was scheduled in the next three weeks, yet there was a notable rift among everyone involved.

practice was atrocious, to say the least.

from late starts and missed sessions to several mistakes being made. everything was eating away at you, making you constantly anxious and irritated. at this rate, you didn’t think the band would even make it until the performance.

syoya still avoided you like the plague, the others had begun walking on eggshells around you, not sure when you would explode. like a ticking bomb.

that’s when the realisation hit you. you liked kimata syoya, and not in a platonic way, but romantic.

koshin, keigo, junki and miu stayed huddled up in the corner during breaks, whispering amongst each other while yudai seemed to be cheering up syoya to which made you all the more bitter. it seemed as if you were the only one truly affected.

heaving yourself up from the chair, you called out to the members, “break’s over. let’s run through the chorus again.”

“could we have a few more minutes? i think we all need it.” koshin muttered carefully.

“definitely not,” the harsh tone of your voice caught the keyboardist off guard, a look of surprise flashing on his features. “i mean — we’re the furthest thing from decent right now. myself included.” voice softer, your hands covered your face in frustration. “i just don’t think we have that liberty.”

keigo nudged miu with his elbow, signalling for her to plead with you.

“let’s just cool down for a few minutes. you included, [name]. you shouldn’t overwork yourself.” the woman persuaded, she could see how the situation affected you.

you sighed, “yeah, fine. i’m just going to go up to the balcony to take a breather.”

unbeknownst to you, a certain bass player observed you with keen eyes, guilt washing over him. syoya couldn’t help but feel it was his fault. if only he was straightforward and outspoken. the man was helpless. with his hands to his side, he only pathetically watched while you made your way to the stairs. that was until yudai broke the silence.

“go fix it.”

“but—“ syoya tried to counter.

“go.”

in faux annoyance, the man huffed before following your sudden beeline for the balcony. as his feet trudged up each step, his thoughts only wandered about your reaction. what was he to say?

talking to him was probably the last thing you wanted to do.

stepping out onto the balcony, the cold breeze nipped at the man as his gaze swept over your figure. you leaned against the railing, appearing somewhat absorbed on the scene below, where cars passed infrequently and pedestrians strolled along the pavement. your brows were knit together, still unaware of syoya’s presence.

he cleared his throat, causing you to turn your head towards him, “what do you want?” the sour look on your face paired with the venom dripping in your voice made him frown.

but that detail wasn’t what caught kimata syoya’s attention. it was how you managed to be ethereal even when angry. it took everything in him not to kiss you again.

“i’m here to apologise.”

the statement was abrupt; it was terrifying in a way.

“apologise? you’re finally going to talk to me, huh?”

“it really was a heat-of-the-moment thing. sorry if i caused any confusion, i didn’t mean to cross the line or anything, i know how much you appreciate your boundaries and personal space… and stuff.” his voice gradually became quieter as he spoke, his hand rubbing the nape of his neck sheepishly.

“yeah.” you were speechless. everything syoya had said was the opposite of what you wanted. a part of you had slightly enjoyed it. “that was such a lame thing to do.”

“i know, and believe me, i’m really sorry. had i known it would affect us — the band, i would’ve never done it.”

kimata syoya knew himself that he was a people pleaser. of course, he would blurt out whatever words in whichever sequence for a chance to see the smile that would tug at your lips whenever you were at ease.

but it never came.

you forced a small smile, masking your weary state of mind. “i’m also sorry… for overreacting. it was out of order for me to lash out at you like i did.” at that point, you weren’t sure what you were apologising for anymore, your thoughts were all jumbled up.

to you, it seemed like the bassist didn’t feel what you did. and naturally, it had to occur at the moment you had finally reconciled your feelings for him.

the awkward silence in the air forced you to focus on the muffled chatter of your band members below you. there wasn’t any exchange of words between the both of you until a few minutes later when syoya spoke up.

“so, are we okay then?”

‘okay’ was definitely not what you were experiencing.

you nod, “yeah, we’re good.”

the man threw his arms open, a sheepish grin on his face to which you raised a brow to.

“…hug?”

the you from a few weeks ago would’ve made a sarcastic remark, but now you couldn’t help but find him cute, the change in mood melting your heart.

“i think i’ll pass but thank you for the offer, i guess.” the last part came out as a giggle which prompted syoya to reach out and engulf you in a bear hug.

“i just want to make sure there are no hard feelings between us. i really value you as a friend and as an important member of the band, you’re… like the glue that holds us together, you know?” as he rested his chin on your shoulder, his breath fanned your neck which caused you to slant away slightly, hiding your face in his own shoulder.

“oh. i’m glad.” pulling away briskly, you let out a small thanks before moving towards the door of the balcony. “i think i hear miu calling for me, sorry.”

eyes followed you, syoya shocked by your sudden retreat. a part of him was saddened at the fact he wasn’t able to reveal the reason why he acted the way he did — that he’d developed feelings for you, but another part knew that he had no shot. hands covered his face, he just had to disrupt everything with acting on the choice to kiss you.

but the memory of your soft lips connecting with his made his head reel, the bassist didn’t think he’d ever wanted someone so bad, especially someone he would never get. and it only worsened at the reminder of your hands cupping his face ever so gently, the thought of your original song long forgotten as the moment intensified.

“she’s so pretty.” he mumbled to himself. “i am so fucked.”

that’s when syoya knew he would never move on.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

junki wasn’t sure what miu had meant by ‘band meeting, quick’ on the groupchat that was coincidentally made a minute before with all the members excluding you and syoya.

one by one, they’d all gathered in the living room of yudai’s apartment, as miu had told you and syoya to go out to buy snacks for the movie night soon; the opening performance was only in two weeks, to which everyone thought it best to have a day off to relax before such an important event.

as they sat in a circle, miu was the first to break the silence.

“guys, haven’t both syoya and [name] been acting weird?”

“yeah, i’ve noticed that too.” it was koshin’s turn to reply.

junki nodded his head, “they were so hot and cold and now they’re just awkward compared to before.”

yudai and keigo had been caught up in their own world, playfully hitting each other.

“can you guys listen?” miu’s voice was stern, catching the two off guard. “i think they like each other.”

“ohh! are we gonna be matchmakers or something?” the keyboardist cocked his head in question.

the woman hummed, “well i know for sure she likes syoya but i’m not sure about him.”

at the sound of both yudai and keigo guffawing, she rolled her eyes.

“what are you guys laughing about?”

“syoya definitely likes [name]. like head on heels.” keigo stifled a laugh by slapping a hand over his mouth.

“it’s ‘head over heels’, dumbass.” yudai interrupted.

“same thing. and don’t call me a dumbass, that's what you are.”

junki cleared his throat, “how do you know that?”

“he kind of told me about it,” the drummer shrugged. “but then again, it’d be obvious to any person with functioning eyes.”

“so, how do we get them to realise it…? they must be pretty stupid.” koshin muttered, seemingly deep in thought.

miu turned her focus away from the manager and drummer’s bickering match.

“our best shot is to just force them to be constantly next to one another.”

“a new mission! operation get-[name]-and-syoya-together is a go!” junki cheered loudly next to her.

a knowing smile took to miu’s face. “it had already begun when i forced them to go to buy the snacks with each other..”

“wow, you’re a smart one.” his gasp of awe only caused everyone to giggle as the woman bowed in appreciation.

fifteen minutes away from yudai’s house, you and syoya roamed around inside the market, pushing your trolley towards whichever caught your eye. the palpable tension forced the both of you to preoccupy yourselves, avoiding the awkwardness. syoya was quiet, as usual, but it wasn’t out of shyness. he was anxious. he’s leaned on the rattling trolley, observing your every move.

the other day was almost a dream. there wasn’t any pure hatred or animosity on your side towards syoya, but it was still somewhat awkward fraternising with him.

“did miu say she wanted some sweet potato? i can’t seem to remember.”

surprised at the initiation of conversation, he hummed. “pretty sure she did. so did junki, oddly.”

“junki? are you sure that’s really him? ‘my favourite drink is curry rice’ junki? never thought i’d see the day where he eats normal food…. the other day, he literally said i should try kimchi and avocado together. who the fuck even eats those two as a combo?” you giggle.

oddly enough, the conversations flowed somewhat naturally, your anxiety diminishing by the second. by twenty minutes in, your trolley was packed with snacks and random drinks, somehow the bassist had slyly slipped a ludo board into the lot, catching you off guard.

at the self-checkout, you began scanning the items, passing them to syoya for bagging.

“we’re so fucked. who has the money for that?” your jaw dropped at the total, turning to tsk at the bassist for dropping in thousands of different things in the basket.

the man wiggled his eyebrows in a comedic manner. “good thing yudai gave me his card.” he pulled out said card from his pocket — specifically a debit one with gold lining.

“i forget he’s a rich kid sometimes.”

“well, without him we would’ve been broke and practice-studio-less.”

you nodded in agreement as he tapped the card. by the time you’d returned, the living room had been set up, there were blankets all around the floor, the tv had been on stand-by while the other awaited the snacks.

“we’re back!” you exclaimed, a hoard of food nestled in your arms, syoya following behind. waddling your way towards the coffee table, a touch on your lower back caused you to jolt in surprise. fortunately, nothing fell to the ground, but you snapped your head just in time to see the man retract his hand quickly, mumbling apologies.

he bit his lip in embarrassment whilst scolding himself mentally. it happened subconsciously, shocking himself in the process. why did he even do that?

things between you and syoya were going okay. there was really no other word to describe it. everything was civil, but a flair of awkwardness in the air whenever you’d converse; harbouring feelings for your bandmate wasn’t an ideal situation to be in, and you knew anyone would agree.

while settling down, the other five members began to subtly hog the spaces, leaving you no choice but to sit next to the bassist. you glanced over at him, surprised to notice he was already gazing at you intensely. you sat down promptly, pursing your lips into a thin line as you scooted over for him to take a seat. your body betrayed you, responding to the close proximity with a flutter in your chest. this wasn’t how your day was supposed to go.

in an attempt to distract yourself, you focused your attention with the flat screen television displayed on the wall as miu occupied herself with the remote to choose a film.

“shall we watch a horror?” she turned around, smiling at the majority of nodding heads and frowned at the shake of your head. “whatever, majority rules.”

it wasn’t that you were scared of horror films per say; you definitely didn’t take to jumpscares well. in easier terms; you were easily startled. that’s why you mumbled curses under your breath before letting out a grumble and slouching back.

there was a whisper from next to you, “you’re scared of horror?”

“not scared. i just get startled…”

“so… you’re scared.” there was a knowing grin plastered all over his face and you would’ve found it cute if he wasn’t teasing you and maybe if you weren’t friendzoned just days earlier. you rolled your eyes and crossed your arms.

this was going to be a long night.

throughout the duration of the movie, you tried your best to calmly watch without reacting. it slightly worked, but halfway through, there was a loud shriek resonating from the television that caused your hand to find syoya’s. and it seemed like the bassist had the same idea as his hand followed. heat crept up your cheeks and you both froze. for the rest of the time, you stayed like that, your fingers intertwined, basking in the silence from your band.

only when the movie ended did the action sink in, making you retract your wrist apologetically.

“seems like i wasn’t the only scared one,” you whispered. “i’m glad my hand could be of comfort to you.” a light giggle slipped from your lips, attempting to make light of the situation.

the expression syoya wore was priceless, his lips slightly parted and his eyes widened.

“uh…”

a loud voice cut him off. “let’s watch another movie!” junki sat up from his blanket fort on the ground in front of you.

“a rom-com this time, maybe? oh! devil wears prada. after that, we can go to bed.” you suggested, smiling after hearing hums of approval.

and maybe it wasn’t the best option for you as you felt your eyes flutter, slumber calling your name. every once in a while you caught your head nodding and shook yourself awake. unbeknownst to you, syoya observed you in his peripheral, a knowing smile gracing his face when you finally gave in, your breaths coming to a calm. you were lodged uncomfortably against the sofa’s back as you slept soundly, prompting him to lightly guide your head onto his shoulder to which you subconsciously enjoyed and nuzzled up to his body. if only the others could see how red his face was — he would be teased until the day he died.

he was definitely glad the room was dim.

the movie played until the end with everyone watching in silence. and only when the ending credited rolled did they start getting up, planning to fall asleep in any of the guest rooms in yudai’s apartment.

junki was the first to take notice of the little… predicament.

“syoya!” he whisper-shouted, careful not to wake you up but simultaneously catching the attention of the sleepy members. “what are you guys doing?”

“yeah,” miu said matter-of-factly. “it’s time to go to bed. wake [name] up, she’s rooming with me.”

“could they be more obvious?” the woman mumbled under her breath and tutted. she knew exactly what the bassist would reply with.

“here, put it on her.” she said, passing a blanket over.

“no, don’t worry about it. i’ll just wait until she wakes up.” syoya offered as he took the blanket from miu’s hand, nodding in thanks.

“but won’t you get tired?” koshin questioned.

the man shook his head again. “nah, it’s fine. really. good night guys.”

“good night.” they replied before padding away softly on the wooden floor to their respective rooms.

being left alone — well, not completely alone, you were there, on his shoulder, looking peaceful and pretty — with his thoughts, he gently pulled out his phone and scrolled away to occupy his thoughts. but he couldn’t; not when his heart was racing thousands of miles per second, when all he could think about was how close you were to him.

had he known it would be this hard to get over you, kimata syoya would’ve never fell in the first place.

just as those words repeated in his mind, mantra-like; you stirred and nuzzled your face into the crook of his neck. there was a thought in your mind to thank miu the next morning for letting you sleep on her.

however, a strange smell invaded your senses. that wasn’t miu’s perfume. opening your eyes, you nearly yelped the realisation. of course it wasn’t miu, it was syoya.

“oh my god, i am so sorry.” you muttered out after moving away.

the man looked at you. “you were really tired. i know the performance is really important and all, but so is your wellbeing. take some time for yourself and rest instead of worrying about us all the time, yeah?”

hesitantly, you looked away from your lap and met his gaze.

“i will. thank you for…” you swallowed quickly before continuing. “letting me sleep.”

“anytime.”

there was a moment of silence between you.

“do you want me to walk you to your room?” syoya asked you, peering up and watching the dim lights of the room.

“i guess it can’t hurt.”

grabbing the blanket that was draped over you in one hand, you got up. the walk was short but silent, the both of you side to side, only the occasional hum breaking the awkward air. when you reached your room, syoya smiled before turning around to leave.

you took a shaky breath. “syoya.”

the man stopped in his tracks.

“sleep well.” you said with a soft tone to which he hummed in response.

and only when you disappeared behind the door did the bassist move. he glared at the frame, almost inspecting every inch of it. perhaps it was the overbearing regret of not telling you the truth that kept him there, he didn’t know. syoya was so lost. more lost than he’d ever been in all of his twenty-four years of living.

but before he could overthink further, he turned on his heel and made his way to his own room.

unbeknownst to him, you were in the same predicament. as you shut the door, you sighed loudly.

“came back from your boyfriend, did you?” miu teased from the bed on the far end of the room, remnants of sleep still evident from her voice.

walking towards her, you picked up a free pillow and threw it at her quickly.

“ow! what was that for?”

from the moonlight shining through the curtains, you could make out miu glaring at you.

“it wouldn’t have happened if you kept your mouth shut for once,” you remarked, crossing your arms. “now scoot over.”

“rude much.” she grumbled before rolling over to the other side of the bed, turning away from you in faux annoyance when you climbed in and got comfortable. “of course she’s only nice to her boyfriend.”

poking at her side in retaliation, you retorted. “he’s not my boyfriend.”

“sure he isn’t.” she had turned around now.

“i hate you.”

“stop acting like you wouldn’t kiss him again if you had the chance.”

you sighed at her relentless teasing. “first of all, he kissed me. second of all, he doesn’t even like me.” shutting your eyes, you paused.

“go to sleep now, it’s late.”

“whatever.” she grumbled before turning around again.

it was only a few minutes before you heard the familiar slow breaths and light snores, signalling that miu was asleep. moving onto your back, you gazed up at the ceiling in the dim room. but as much as you tried, your mind only wandered back to syoya, mourning the feeling of his soft lips on yours, reminding you of every single memory with him present. times where he’d help you, console you, even just look at you. when his body was so close to yours, warmth radiating off it.

there was just a spark between you both.

the way his eyes would lighten, a familiar glint of joy in them whenever he was excited. you couldn’t help but hate him at that moment.

why was kimata syoya so charming? why did he have to be so nice and lead you on?

or perhaps you were the one overthinking every interaction. there was a relentless lump bubbling in your throat, bringing a sharp pain with every breath.

you could never really hate the bassist. no matter how much you tried. and you despised yourself for that.

why did you have to be so vulnerable? that was exactly why the break up with rihito had been such a sensitive topic. just when you thought you were ready for love once again, it all crumbled away before your eyes.

one question remained unanswered. why was your heart so insistent in pursuing him, even when it was obvious, when he flat-out told you he didn’t feel the same?

nothing made sense to you. but only one thing was apparent.

you had to get over him.

‘stop worrying about everything. you’re always stressing.’ you could almost hear miu say. for a minute, you smiled at the fact that she’d always try to erase every worry from you, thankful that she was always there to ground you, becoming someone you could rely on.

but that was before you felt her toss and turn, snatching the blanket off your body, exposing your skin to the cold and bringing goosebumps in its wake.

“oh for fuck’s sake.” you sighed, reaching over and grasping the blanket, pulling it back on.

maybe it was time to get some sleep.

the next morning was busy; it was the first time in long your band had gathered together in one place. you walked into yudai’s kitchen, being greeted by junki and koshin who were at the island, drinking coffee. yudai stood at the counter, turned from you, making himself some toast from what you learned, keigo was sleeping in and miu was occupied with checking over your lyrics and music sheets on the couch out of your line of sight. so that just left…

“good morning.” a voice grumbled out, making you turn around.

it was syoya.

still stood in his way, blocking the door frame , you scrambled to walk forward, looking down when his shoulders brushed yours slightly. it was a stark reminder of the night before.

as he took a seat, your eyes took him in. how could someone look so good even just when they woke up?

you lightly slapped your cheek; not trying to get caught up.

“wait a minute.” you heard miu call from the couch.

“yudai, did you know that harmony fest is taking place at rhythm lounge?”

“what? the rhythm lounge?” you could almost see the eyeballs bulge out of said man’s head.

“what?” keigo and junki asked in unison.

you all gathered around miu’s phone in no time — also waking up keigo in the process — still shocked by the revelation.

“isn’t that super hard to get into?” koshin asked, seemingly fed up with keigo tugging at his shirt. “keigo stop!”

“there was no need to shout about it…” the drummer frown. “i’m just trying to show my love!”

“well you’re annoying me. seriously don’t know how you’re older.”

“no fair.”

“don’t worry, you’re my favourite.” junki assured.

keigo smiled proudly. “see this is why i like junki out of—”

“not!” the guitarist stuck his tongue out, only to be tackled by the other man.

“are you guys like five?” you moved over to separate them, but to no avail.

“last person to move away has to pay for takeout.”

well apart from that, the weeks and days leading up to the performance were good. practice had been smooth sailing.

you could almost play the whole song blindfolded, or even sing it all in your sleep.

but nothing could prepare you for a performance other than actually performing.

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day of

the ride towards the venue was silent for the most part. yudai was driving, with syoya in the passenger seat. miu and you sat in the second row, with koshin, keigo and junki at the back. apart from the occasional goofing around from junki, and complaints from koshin, there was no noise.

well, opening for a very known music festival would be enough to knock anyone off their game. so there you sat with headphones in, listening to he plays bass’ demo on loop. you certainly didn’t want to forget the lyrics on stage and embarrass the band so you did what you could.

“guys.” koshin spoke up, earning confused stares from everyone else. “how come we still don’t have a band name?”

“luminescence?” syoya mumbled.

miu nodded. “that sounds good.”

“i agree.” yudai added.

“miu and yudai agreeing on something? guess this day is full of surprises!” said the drummer.

“shut up.” they both replied in unison, their expressions a mix of annoyance and amusement.

“you guys do know that since this was a really hard venue to get in, there’ll be some important people present. and also this could be a way for us to get loyal fans.” everyone was silent as you spoke. “also since it’s taking place in rhythm lounge there might be some label managers attending. we can mingle around too.”

from the front, yudai nodded along. “since we’re the first act, we set the tone for everything else after. so give it your all!”

━━━━━━━━━

when you had arrived rehearsals flew by and attendees started flooding in. the venue was some sort of cross between a club and a closed stadium; it wasn’t as big as you thought, but still intimidating. the stage was a raised platform, with the drums and keyboard already set up; the guitars that your band had brought on their stands.

moving away from the curtain, you turned to the rest of the band. but a certain man rushed in — a worker you figured from the mic around his ear and clothes — reiterating that there was only ten minutes until go-time.

once he left, you all released heavy breaths, anxious with the performance to come. and it wasn’t like you hadn’t practiced the hell out of the song, you had, but nerves had gotten the best of everyone. with every passing second, your stomach churned, and with a finger caught in between your teeth you contemplated if everything was really worth it.

luminescence had already performed live in small gigs but this was totally different.

the room behind the stage was small, but enough to accommodate all of you. everyone else sat down on random chairs probably sharing the same thoughts as you. but that was until yudai broke the silence.

“[name] you look like you’re gonna throw up before even stepping foot on that stage. i think you guys need to calm down. it’s fine, you’re only going to be on there for three minutes.”

“easy for you to say, you’re not the one performing.” miu remarked, crossing her arms.

“are y’all really gonna have an argument before we even perform?” koshin pinched the bridge of his nose.

“i really do think i’m gonna throw up.” you mumbled, looking down and not sensing syoya’s concern-filled gaze on you.

randomly, keigo jumped up, his arms outstretched and waddling towards you.

“i’ll give you a kiss for good luck then!” his lips were puckered as he basically charged towards you.

“ew!” you exclaimed and put your arms out, trying to stop him. “do that to someone else.”

“okay!” he replies, moving to the closest next to you; unfortunately koshin.

the man jolted back in his seat. “not me, her!” he gestured to miu who was next to him.

she shook her head and waved her hands around. “not me either! junki’s free though.”

you giggled when the drummer slowly stalked up to junki with the goofiest smile plastered on his face. but just as he began, the same man from before returned.

“you guys are on!” he announced, voice booming. and just as quick as he arrived, he was already gone..

as you took a deep breath, your other members gathered.

“hands down.” yudai placed his hand flat down, inviting others to join. “for moral support.”

one by one, you all followed, hands stacking on top of each other. and on the count of three, you pulled away.

getting in your head at the most crucial part of your career wasn’t possible. you walked slowly onto stage, with everyone else following behind. sounds of a crowd screaming and cheering was the first thing to invade your senses, the next was the stage light shining down that possessed the ability to blind anyone unfortunate to look above.

over the first few seconds, you settled down into your respective instruments. you turned back, watching keigo sit down onto the chair in front of the drum set, syoya, miu, and junki wear their guitar straps, and finally, koshin with his keyboard.

returning to the mic stand, you swallowed thickly before speaking. “we are luminescence and this is our original, he plays bass.” your voice wavered slightly, nerves evident. despite that, you stood still, gripping the microphone and waiting for keigo’s drum-count.

“hey… won’t you call me back?” you softly began after the count, your voice was barely above a whisper but was amplified by the microphone. “‘cause i’ve been waiting for a text back. it hurts my brain. this guy who plays bass.” only miu and junki’s guitar played with your vocals.

the drums came in shortly after with the keyboard, underlining the song’s melody.

“he plays bass. he plays bass.” the crowd cheered once again, and you felt your nerves seep away with every cheer. “nothing matters cause we’re both in space. pretty shit we could never date. he plays bass. he plays bass.”

the chorus cruised past almost like a breeze, you wore a smile on your face as you continued to sing with all your heart, the people in the crowd pumping energy through you. and you could definitely tell your other members felt the same thing.

it all just came together; every strum of guitar, every twang from the bass, every note played by the keyboard and every beat from the drum. the song exuded perfection.

“oh how i wish we could just date. so you can teach me how to be just like you….” you gripped the mic harder, leaning into the audience and whispering.

at that second, keigo increased the intensity, striking his drums with more power, everyone else following alone. syoya’s bass added more depth and richness to the overall flow and harmony.

briefly, it was nothing short of a symphony.

“wish i was more like you.” you repeated again and again and again.

everyone played their respective instruments, loudly; it was an organised turmoil. a musical euphony. the song ended a few seconds later, with keigo’s last strike of his drum.

there was a moment of silence before the audience erupted into jeers and whoops. you all took a second to catch your breath before bowing.

“and that was luminescence, folks. have a great night!” you spoke, waving to each side of the lounge.

hurriedly, your band returned to the room behind stage. with a stiff posture, yudai stood at the back off the room with the biggest smile tugging at his lips. you all rushed to him, engulfing him in a hug and nearly toppling him over; having six grown adults pounce on you was enough to make anyone fall.

“did you see us out there? we were so crazy!” you said, a little too loud for yudai.

the manager winced, nodding enthusiastically. “yeah, you guys were amazing. like even my jaw dropped. that was the best thing to ever grace my ears and i’m not joking.”

“okay, we get it.” miu rolled her eyes playfully, pinching yudai’s side.

“i was so nervous too. i can’t believe we just did that!” koshin exclaimed.

“we’re probably the coolest band ever after that crazy performance.” keigo proclaimed as he nudged koshin.

“we’re bound to get some offers and fans now.” syoya added.

you all stayed glued to yudai, with a certain guitarist gripping him for dear life.

“i… can’t… breathe.” you heard yudai struggle out.

“junki!” you scolded as you tried to pry his hands off.

“i was just excited, sorry….” he trailed off, pulling away.

a smile curved on your lips at his actions.

“of course you were.”

“hey—“

but junki was rudely interrupted by the incessant ringing of a phone, specifically yudai’s phone. his expression etched into one of confusion as he pulled it out, putting it to his ear after answering.

“hello?”

there was a moment of silence, with yudai nodding at whatever the person on the line was saying.

“yes this is luminescence’s manager.” everyone, including you, exchanged curious glances before looking back to yudai as he began whispering something to you.

“go on. have fun, i have to deal with something.” he said and dismissed you with a hand.

“you don’t have to tell me twice.” keigo said before making his way outside the room, with you following closely behind.

as you walked out into the crowd space, your members went their own ways; miu stuck with you and whisked you away to get refreshments, junki and keigo went straight to the dancefloor to enjoy the tracks that were being played, and koshin and syoya disappeared quickly from your sights off to god-knows-where. when you reached the bar, you gave miu a glance, as if asking her what she would choose.

you cupped your mouth, leaning over towards miu for her to hear over the booming music. “i’m not trying to get drunk tonight.”

she laughed and agreed. “don’t worry, me too.”

the bartender moved over towards you. “what can i get you?”

“two lemon-lime sodas please.”

“okay, just a few minutes.” he said, bringing up two glasses from under the table.

the man poured syrup into both before placing a block of ice and making a show off of adding the carbonated water, putting the soda gun far away.

he pushed it in your direction. “there you go.” he said as he wiped his hands on a clean cloth.

after thanking him, you made your way to a black booth on the far end of the lounge with miu. it was small and could seat at least four people at a time, the other woman moved down and sat next to you on the seats facing the platformed stage, occupying yourselves idly with conversation and enjoying the other performances. one of the perks of being a performer in the day was free refreshments and entry so you were all glad to be enjoying it to the fullest.

your other members were long gone but it was a night to enjoy yourselves so you’d let it go.

however, miu had seemed to spot a certain bassist on the other side of the lounge, under the lights and engaged in conversing with koshin. it was weird, she thought. how syoya’s gaze would somehow found its way to you, lingering just for a moment before returning.

a knowing glint flashed in her eyes.

all of a sudden, the guitarist nudged you, pointing at a man leaning on a table not too far away.

your gaze lingered on him for a second as she spoke. “he’s exactly your type.”

black hair framed his face, slightly tousled but still perfect. and he was good looking.

“true. but why are you telling me that?” you said, not quite trusting her words.

for a brief moment, she stayed silent.

“just cause.”

“just cause what?”

“you’ve been single for too long, it’s time to get out there!”

you leaned forward onto the table. “weren’t you the one who told me that i wasn’t ready for a relationship just yet?”

“touchè,” miu said with a shrug. “but i think you’re ready now, you’re too stressed with our band stuff, let loose once in a while.”

“the sakurai miu telling me to let loose? what kind of alternate reality did i just get sucked into?” your tone held a sarcastic flair to it, unfortunately earning you a smack to the arm. “that was uncalled for! i was just joking, come on.”

“whatever. just go!” she warned you before pushing you out the seat and forcing you to get up. “and don’t come back til you’ve talked to him!” she shouted after you.

shaking her head, she tutted as you walked away hesitantly. “idiots.”

your pace was slow — swerving your way through what seemed like millions of dancing bodies, probably drunk, probably not; walking towards the guy. music blasted from everywhere, almost deafening you, the lights flickered all sorts of colours. you took a deep breath, before smoothly placing yourself next to him.

visibly startled, his eyes widened before questioning. “hi?”

“hey.” you gave him a tight-lipped smile, trying to be nonchalant.

unbeknownst to you, syoya watched you two curiously. but there was a sense of discomfort that settled in his stomach. however, he could only watch.

returning the smile, he seemed to be amused. “and to whom do i owe this pleasure?”

“[name],” you replied, tone equally as playful. “you?”

“hiroto, but most of my friends call me nishi.”

“well, nishi, i spotted you from over—“

“sorry, for interrupting, but you seem familiar.” his brows furrowed as he seemed to be recalling something. “oh, wait! aren’t you with the band that performed a while ago? luminescence…? you’re their vocalist!”

you only chuckled. “uh, yeah. to be honest, i didn’t think anyone would’ve recognised me…”

“how could i not? you guys were so cool!” he said, his excitement bubbling through his words. “you know, i tried searching you guys up, how do you not have, like, a thousand fans or something?”

at nishi’s chatter and the smiles directed at you, it was clear anyone would be charmed. yet, you didn’t understand why you remained unaffected. the warmth of the moment seemed to slip through your fingers as thoughts of that certain man clouded your mind. it was so odd, this pull he had on your heart, making you wonder why he lingered there when everything else felt so fun and easy. why was it so hard to just enjoy the moment like everyone else? it left you feeling puzzled.

despite that, your lips turned upwards. “you’re giving us too much flattery. we’re just new that’s al. but i’ll make sure to relay that to the rest.”

far behind, in a small corner, syoya bit his bottom lip in contemplation. he was so sick of second guessing himself, never being direct about what he felt.

this time, he thought. this time, kimata syoya would follow his heart instead.

“no, truly. you have a killer voice. and the song was an original too? it certainly—“

“this just in; here’s a surprise performance.” a voice boomed from the speakers, the host introducing another act. “coming to you here, kimata syoya!”

your head nearly snapped at the mention. what?

and true to the spoken words; the man was on stage. not with his usual bass, but a guitar — junki’s guitar. thousands of questions ran through your mind. as you looked to the stage, the crowd before you roared, excited to see another act.

but all you could focus on was him. how his bangs stuck to his forehead as he slung the guitar around his shoulder, how his eyes were filled with determination, how much confidence radiated off of him. all you could focus on was kimata syoya.

the silence made your breath hitch and your head spin, it made you frown. why was he so good at pulling you in so effortlessly? he never cared so why did you?

“this song’s called ‘right side of my neck’, hope you like it.” his gaze lingered on you before he looked down, adjusting his grip on the guitar.

the start of the song was slow. it engulfed you in a warm embrace, making you revel in the serenity.

“you said you can’t change your haircut. but it looks good anyway.” his voice was soft.

you never knew syoya could sing. and definitely not like this.

as the melody progressed, his eyes tended to focus on you, making you feel like the only other person in the room.

“so, uh—“ the man beside you began.

“wait, give me a second.” you interrupted quicky.

syoya grinned. “you looked at me once, but i looked back two times.”

there was the tiniest bit of silence. “the right side of my neck still smells like you.” he sang.

it all felt oddly familiar.

and then it hit you. that night when you fell asleep on his shoulder.

was he really singing about then? you didn’t know. but it all felt too personal.

but the syoya you knew didn’t like you. you couldn’t fall for it — you shouldn’t fall for it, you repeated mentally.

the audience swayed, a huge difference in reaction to all the other artists; only cheering when the song ended.

“thank you.” syoya said breathlessly into the microphone. and then that was it. he walked off.

you turned around, refocusing on nishi. you crossed your arms.

“so what were you saying?”

“oh yeah! that you did—“

halfway into his response, a hand rested on your shoulder, forcing you to turn around.

“[name], can we talk?” you heard syoya question, tone soft.

“uhh, we’re in the middle of something.” you replied hastily. you didn’t have enough in you to get roped into becoming infatuated with him more.

his eyes were pleading. “please.”

so naturally, you relented. “okay.” you turned back to nishi apologetically.

“i’m so sorry.”

he shook his head. “no, you’re good. i’ll be here when you come back.”

“thank you.” you whispered before following syoya’s lead.

the whole way, the man was silent, his back turned to you, only turning his head from time to time to glance over at you with an expression you couldn’t quite decipher. somehow, he led you away from all the ruckus and to a door. the room your band had hung out in earlier; before rehearsals.

he opened the door, letting you in before closing it.

still confused, you paced around for a while, clearly uncomfortable with the overbearing silence.

“what did you want to talk about?” you asked as your thoughts ran frantic.

silence.

as you frustratedly moved to leave, the man’s body blocked your way to the door; his gaze refused to meet yours.

you snapped. “oh, for goodness sake. why did you bring me out here, syoya?”

“please don’t go back to that guy.” his voice was so low, you almost missed it.

your ears strained to pick up at his words.

“what?” you queried in disbelief.

he picked up his volume, now looking at you. “please don’t go back to him.”

was he really doing this? again?

all the sensible parts in your brain told you to leave it, that he was just playing with you. but your heart held you down, freezing your feet.

“i’m not following. what are you trying to get at?” your tone was harsh, cutting through him.

the man internally winced at your dismissiveness. “don’t go back to him. not when you have me.”

somehow, he appeared to tug at your heart strings. you hated it.

“no, i’m not doing this again.”

“what?” he looked genuinely confused.

however, it only served to add to your frustration.

“i am not some type of experiment for you to play with. first, you kiss me and run off. then, you apologise being sweet and all; blaming it on the moment. and i really believed it. but now?“ you paused for a while and bit the inside of your cheek before continuing. “you’re telling me not to go? bullshit.”

“no, but—“

you cut him off. “you don’t get it, syoya.” your voice broke. “i genuinely felt something for you. you say one thing but mean another —- do another. just when i tried to move on.”

“please don’t say that.” syoya tried to get through to you. however, you were too far gone. “i haven’t explained everything.”

“of course, i was dumb enough to believe it. i mean we fucking kissed. and then you have the guts to pull this on me. save it, please.” you whispered.

“you’re not dumb,” he mumbled. “you’re anything but. you’re nothing short of the most amazing person i know.”

you felt your heart waver. “stop trying to sweet-talk me. it hurt, you know. at first, the kiss made me see you in a whole different light. it confused me, but i really wanted to try. i liked you. too much for my own good. then, you became distant and said it didn’t mean anything. that’s when i felt like shit.” you swallowed thickly. “you act like a boyfriend. but now i get it, it wasn’t anything special. even that song. you’re so confusing, syoya.”

the man winced at the mention of the song, but you didn’t catch it.

there was a huge lump in your throat, reminiscent of that night. rihito flashed in your mind. they were all the same.

and yet you were always swayed by the charming bassists.

“i hate you. so much.” your index finger found his chest, tapping it accusingly. “leave me alone. that’s the least you could do.”

but your words didn’t mirror what your heart wanted — desired. it needed comfort. to be consoled. but your brain overtook you. you were being overly emotional, just like you always were.

you took a step back, covering your face with your hands while muttering. “just… leave. go away, syoya.” his name felt like thorns to your tongue.

you were overwhelmed by oh so many emotions. frustration, anger, and others you couldn’t name.

syoya only stood there, paralysed in place while listening to your frustrations. his heart clenched at the sight before him. no wonder you hated him.

he knew he messed up.

a hand touched your wrist, pulling your hands away from your face, slightly taken aback when he noticed the tears that streamed down. you felt him wrap his arms around your torso, resting his chin on top and placing a hand on your head, whilst the other rubbed at your back.

your sobs were quiet. and he was too.

“if you cry more, i’m gonna start bawling my eyes out too.” the bassist said, voice broken as he continued to slightly rock back and forth.

through your irregular breaths, you let out a dry laugh. “you should. it’ll make us even.”

“now you’ve calmed down, i’ll say what i’ve been wanting to.”

as you tried to pull away, he held you tight.

“please don’t. i don’t think i’ll be able to look you in the eye.”

“okay.” you mumbled into his chest.

“i like you. i’ve liked you ever since we first met,” he started. “that kiss meant everything to me. but you seemed unsure, which is why i said and did what i did. i know this isn’t a proper apology, but i want to express that i never intended to make you feel bad because of my actions. i totally understand if you need some time away from me.” his voice became more and more faint as he continued.

when you finally moved out of his hold, it became apparent; the tears that streamed down his cheeks, mirroring yours.

“you’re so fucking stupid.” you said. but there was no real anger behind your words.

“i love you.” he mumbled. “i wrote it for you. even if you don’t want anything to do with me, i’ll always be here.”

you leaned up, bridging the gap between you.

the kiss was salty but somehow still sweet. it only lasted a second but you could still feel his warmth.

“i’m sorry. i never meant to—“ syoya began again.

“syoya.” the call of his name stopped him. “i love you too.”

a smile grew on his face at your words. “i’m so glad.”

using your hand, your brushed out the locks covering his eyes.

“i want us be serious.” he said, wiping his face with his sleeve. “i want to be able to tell everyone that i’m yours and that you’re mine.”

you hummed in agreement. “me too, syoya.”

“can i be your boyfriend?”

“only if you let me be your girlfriend, sure.”

his hands took to yours, intertwining them. “that goes without saying.” the bassist softly murmured, rubbing his thumb over your knuckles.

at that moment, the door banged open, and the rest of your band filed in; yudai leading.

“guys!” he exclaimed, practically bouncing around the room. “we were looking around for you everywhere. but, guess who called me?”

“who?” syoya asked.

“we’re gonna be signed to a major label. a fucking label!” keigo yelled. “a label! do you guys hear that?”

“what?” a gasp left your lips, eyes widening. “are you bullshitting us?”

“no, really.” koshin nodded frantically.

yudai ran up to you both. “and.. and… get this.” he shoved his phone into your faces. “we’re viral on twitter! some person posted a video of your performance, and we’re getting so many followers.”

you squinted your eyes in disbelief. “since when did we have a twitter account?”

“since i made one for you…? get with the program, [name].” yudai rolled his eyes. “the fact is; people are interested in luminescence.”

before you could get another word in, miu spoke.

“so what’s up with you two?” gesturing to you and syoya’s locked hand, she raised an eyebrow.

“uhhhh…” you trailed off.

“we’re dating.” syoya said.

“oh. my. god. finally!” miu clasped her hands together, running to hug you both.

“wait, really?” junki shouted. “so our plan worked!”

“way to ruin it.” koshin deadpanned.

“plan? what…?” you were caught off guard.

the bassist beside you only grinned sheepishly, leaving no comment.

keigo nudged the younger. “it’s not like no one knew. but i’m happy for you both or whatever.”

”same here. as long as there isn’t any public display of affection…” yudai nodded.

miu shook her head at the manager’s words. “its pda, who even says it in full like that, idiot.”

“here we go again.” you sighed.

reblogs are heavily appreciated

[killuwumi]

Jealous Bard~ Venti/Zhongli x Fem!Reader

a/n: i just wrote this random blurb from a prompt on pinterest..lol..

warnings: possessiveness, fem reader, jealousy, not proof read, all lowercase (lazy writer alert). 

"He is a weapon. A killer. Do not forget it. You can use a spear as a walking stick but that will not change it's nature."

the wind in mondstadt was whipping, it felt like it could blow you over as you sit under the windrise tree. venti was sitting next to you as those words fell from between his lips. it was unlike the sweet things he would sing about at the bar. it was crude and honest, yet still poetic.

you knew who he was referring to, you both knew as you sat and recovered. you had just gotten back from a trip to liyue to attend rex lapis's funeral. it was a long way home and you nestled under the windrise tree to regain your stamina and health. but venti was never far from his followers..never.

"i know venti, i know. you warned me about him before i even left to meet everyone in liyue. but look, i came back, i'm here aren't i?" venti scoffs at your words, a bitter and ugly jealous feeling in his chest that he isn't sure what to do with. he's tried countless times to stop you from meeting zhongli. that man is dangerous, venti knows this, of course he knows this. not only is his human form handsome and charming but he's got a lovely nation and connections.

now, venti would never want you to not find your sibling, but he knows more than he lets on about your sweet, dearest twin. venti knows he could help you move on! you wouldn't need to worry about anyone but him if you would just stay. put. but for god's sake you can't seem to stop traveling.

"i know, i know dandelion. i just worry! it is safe here, our conflict in mondstadt has been quelled..i just prefer you be safe." yes, he does prefer you to return to him, safe and sound. which is why he pulled a favor from an old friend. xiao. the adeptus that had been secretly trailing you for the entirety of your journey into the mountains of liyue. not that you would notice of course, you've never even laid eyes on xiao.

venti had offered to do a favor for xiao if he did this for him, he promised xiao it was all for your safety, and luckily venti steered you right along the path xiao usually watches when doing patrols. so conveniently there was never so much as a hilichural even in your way.

"i have to find my twin venti, i promise mondstadt will always be my home. and zhongli said he might be able to help!" a sweet laugh tumbles out of your mouth and right on to venti's listening ears. even if he is caught up in thought, your laugh is the only song he ever wants to hear. until the grating sound of another archon's name registers in venti's head. ah, he almost forgot that zhongli was still the topic of conversation. that lying bastard, that awful lord obsessed with contracts. venti could wager to guess zhongli knew just about as much as he did when it came to your sibling. and venti seems to somehow be rarely wrong.

he swears up and down that one day he is going to sweep the tips of those peaks in liyue right off and send them straight into the deep waters. then maybe it won't be so pretty. maybe he will crush the harbor while he's at it. but his thoughts are interrupted by your movements..where are you going?

"dandelion, where is it that you're going?" he puts a playful infliction on his tone to ease the jealous feelings he's having. he too gets up and dusts his outfit off.

"i'm going to stay with mona for a bit while i'm back, and see if she can help me at all with a few commissions zhongli gave me. i also need to return a few books to lisa that i got from people in liyue. i think she'll appreciate it." so, so sweet you are. always doing things with other people in mind. don't you ever want to be selfish? oh well, no matter if you do or not, venti is selfish enough for the both of you. and more.

"ah, well be safe my dandelion." venti made sure to put extra emphasis on the my. maybe the wind will carry this conversation to zhongli..maybe.

in the following days, venti was conveniently wherever you were, enjoying you being around. but when he began to see you packing your things in mona's house he knew where you were going, liyue. ugh it left such a bitter taste in his mouth. that harbor, those mountains, and specifically that man.

"ah! is it time for you to go yet again my dandelion? oh how i will miss you, may the wind lead." were the last words you spoke to venti before setting off to liyue, where you were going to meet zhongli with this new information.

liyue harbor was bustling yet again, as you arrived right before the sun set, and headed straight for the teahouse. you were a little late for your meeting with the former archon. a hot cup of tea still waiting for you with zhongli watching over you as you approach.

"hello dear, how was your journey here? safe i presume?" zhongli knew who was watching over you, he knew about the deal between venti and xiao, he was an informed man after all.

"it was good, venti made sure to see me off!" you smiled and the atmosphere feels light. watching zhongli pick up his tea cup and sigh as you sit down.

"he is..quite the doting archon, isn't he?" the tea tastes more bitter when he has to talk about venti, he can't get enough of this alone time with you. even if it is just to piss venti off, he can see your appeal and why the anemo archon is so obsessed. you're pretty, young, adventurous and smart.

"yeah, although he tends to say some strange things, that seems to be a trend with archons." you laugh, zhongli nodding knowingly. zhongli did in fact, know what that bard had said about him.

"you are correct. and maybe he isn't wrong in what he said to you, whatever it may be, but do be aware that not everyone is who they seem to be." zhongli states in a cool, unwavering tone. careful to plant a seed of doubt in your mind the same way venti had.

zhongli might seem like a simple man, and he is, but he does enjoy playing mind games with a rival. and you better believe that this has lit a fire under venti, both of them trying to outdo the other. maybe one of them will get you to solely reside in their nation, their care. but only time will tell.

[uncleasad]

So @unsiredtribrid had this great post last night that started with Josie x Finch but went much deeper to the real point, and I had a few thoughts.

There are so many great threads there I want to tease apart a little and expand upon.

I

First, the show’s handling of Josie’s love interests or possible love interests; the show had a terrible track record of taking Josie’s love interests and casting them aside.

In S1, her ex was Penelope, we didn’t learn much of anything about when they were together, and she left before the end of the season. Josie was crushing on Raf but Lizzie got to him first and “ruined” him for both of them, and even he ends up leaving at the start of S3 (the end of S2 as it was conceived). And of course the crush on Hope that we learned about and kind of simmered right up to the end, when Josie physically felt Hope being erased from her life.

In S2, Josie started the season with Landon, and he dropped her like a hot potato as soon as he remembered Hope (and then ran off on both of them, because Landon the Leaver™). There was the brief thing with Jade post-prison world/Dark Josie, and then Jade, too, left at the start of S3 (the end of S2 as it was conceived). And the crush on Hope (the Pig telling Red Riding Hope to kiss sleeping Princess Josie). Noticing a pattern?

Then in S3 we got Finch, who was extremely jealous and possessive and didn’t want Josie to help her friend [Hope] who had saved Josie (and her family and friends) over and over in the course of the past two years…and they fought over that often. Then, in a twist, Josie left her to go help Hope.

So the show had a bad habit of bringing in a random character (almost always recurring) that we never learned much about and then casting them off. Contrast that to Lizzie’s ultimate endgame, MG, who was a regular who lasted the entire series, and, at least for the first parts of the series, we saw some manner of development and character growth for both of them in conjunction with that potential relationship (MG liked Lizzie in S1, Lizzie didn’t reciprocate until S2 when he was with Alyssa…); it wasn’t super, but it was something.

II

So in the context of the first two seasons, fans were rightly upset about the unfair handling of Josie’s love interests? What was it about her that always made people want to leave? 😢

And, also in the context of the first two seasons, the writers had set up this long arc pulling Josie and Hope together. The mutual attractions, the close and intimate moments, the saving, Hope always choosing Josie/the twins over Landon, Pig!Josie asking Hope to kiss her (sleeping Princess Josie), and so forth. When S2 had its truncated ending with Josie’s fairytaleland mindscape…if you couldn’t see the Hosie of it all, well…what the hell are you doing reading this post anyway? 😂

And then, inexplicably, after setting up two main characters of Hope and Josie to have a romance, the writers decided to address their flawed handling of Josie’s past love interests by…bringing in yet another side character that we never learned much about (and checked that “person of color” brownie-points box while they were at it) and almost immediately putting them together. And the showrunners were somehow shocked by fans’ dislike of the resulting pairing.

You’re cooking a filet mignon for two seasons, and instead of giving us that prime, tasty, meal, you cut off the fat and toss it at us and want us to be happy about it? Are you fucking kidding me?!

It’s cool for Hope to have a long-running romance with another main character…if it’s a man. It’s cool for Lizzie to have romances with 3 main characters [Raf, Ethan, MG] as long as they’re men (only Sebastian was here and gone). But heaven forbid Josie get another main character for a fully-developed romance! Or Hope and Josie to get the romance the writers set up and teased across two seasons! This is where people rightly get upset about queerbait and scraps and just checking boxes…

I always go back to Buffy when I’m thinking about things, and (it’s been a while) there was a build-up with Tara. We learned about her. She supported Willow. She helped her grow. (Once again, they had the “luxury” of 22-episode seasons to develop things…) And even Tara’s death, as horrific as it was, kicked off an important arc for Willow and resonated long after. Finch was nothing like that for Josie. If anything, Hope was the Tara-esque person to Josie’s Willow.

So there’s that.

III

On the other side of things, as soon as Finch showed up on screen, I immediately said this is exactly the kind of person Josie would date in this situation (given the bizarre situation we had been forced into, with Josie and Hope going from almost kissing to not interacting for half a season). Because Josie Saltzman Has. A. Type.

An outsider, brooding, somewhat-dangerous, loner?

Hope Marshall, anyone? Our archetype.

Penelope’s a bit of a tougher fit, because we know so little about her, but she’s got the dangerous part, and she’s (when we meet her) on the outside of Josie’s social circle, at least.

Raf checks pretty much all of those boxes at the moment Josie meets him, especially as he’s separated from Landon at that point.

Landon’s another weird fit, but he’s been mostly an outsider, and the two are both “alone” when they get together. And maybe killing yourself repeatedly for glimpses of someone ticks brooding and somewhat-dangerous?

Hope Mikaelson…I mean…!

Jade’s a bad girl (maybe with a good heart) and an outsider at the point they get together…and she has clear echoes of someone else.

And then Finch, check, check, check, check. Josie’s type.

As much as I disliked Finch’s jealousy and controlling nature, her badmouthing Hope (whom she didn’t know, nor did she know Josie’s history with her), her unwillingness to fight for Josie, and the ultimate lack of chemistry when they were together, and in general her arrival/presence in the series as part of this bizarre hard-right turn in Josie’s behavior…

As much as I disliked all of that, I could have lived with the run of Josie x Finch that we endured if Legacies had gone on for another season—or Kaylee hadn’t felt the need to protect herself and leave—and we had seen Josie find her way back to Hope. People have bad, inexplicable romantic partners in the real world. Hope had a couple. Lizzie (Sebastian) and MG (Alyssa) had one. But you move on.

And when the writers have set up this epic love, one where they each go to the ends of the earth to support and save each other…and instead we’re left with a box-check-only relationship that feels like it has no chemistry…no, I won’t let people keep trying to gaslight me into believing table-scraps of fat are a five-star dinner when the writers repeatedly not only put filet mignon on the menu but also brought out samples and encouraged me to order it.

[optimumonprime]

Fanfic Writer Interview

tagged by: @illegalpaladin (dank you kelly!!!)

what fandoms do you write in? Currently, Star Trek and Yugioh. My history is uh. varied.

how many words have you published in 2024? 59,693, though it honestly feels like more.

what is your greatest achievement this year? Not giving up on my first WIP in like a decade plus! I'm very proud of the story I've created with Something Like Magic and I'm excited to write the last chapter.

what are your top three fics you've written this year? My faves were:

Something Like Magic

Physician, Heal Thyself

Hard to Let Go

what was your biggest pit of despair moment? This will sound a bit glib but honestly it was when Physician, Heal Thyself hit 10,000 words. I was like, oh god. This was just supposed to be a pwp how could this happen to meeeeeee

what have you learned? Honestly just to write what you want to read and fuck the consequences. When I started Something Like Magic I was convinced that no one would read it because there were only two mageshipping fics in the 25 year history of the English yugioh fandom before that and I made my peace with that. It ended up being a delightful surprise that people DID like it. Likewise, I'm now writing mostly mccoy-centric star trek porn, and that's because I would like to read it.

did you beta any fics? any faves you want to shout out? I had the distinct honor of betaing @illegalpaladin 's Take Me/Let Me Go and hope I have the chance to do so again for future fics of theirs. I know we're not mutuals so I hope this isn't too weird but I do also want to shout out the work of @muirmarie who understands Star Trek characters, and specifically Bones, in a way I've see very few other writers achieve.

what three fics have you read this year that you love?

oh my god. okay.

Take This Sinking Boat and Point It Home by Punished Pyotr

we won't last long (give it our best shot) by Muir_Wolf

and the last one is kind of cheating because this wasn't the first year i read it but i did reread it and it remains probably the best fic ive ever read:

Send Us a Blindfold, Send Us a Blade by Trinary

what ideas are percolating for next year? It's all porn, babes! Here's what I got in the lineup:

-Bad Case of Loving You: Bones gangbang. When a parasite causes, ahem, tumescence in the away team, McCoy comes to the obvious solution on how to alleviate symptoms, and who is he to argue with Occam's Razor?

-Lay on Hands: the manhandling one. McCoy is the physician here, so why is it that he's always the one getting pushed around?

-You've Got the Touch!: real Spock possessive hours. A visiting Vulcan doctor is flirting relentlessly with McCoy. Spock is the only one to understand. Why he cares is a different matter.

-Debrief: everyone has a mirror!verse porn fic, right? After a rare diplomatic mission, Kirk employs Spock's assistance to recreate the mission for McCoy, so he can get an accurate mission report.

-Don't You Want to Come with Me?: a reversal of the odd man out McCoy fics. Kirk and Spock are together. McCoy loves them both and joins them frequently in bed on a strictly friends with benefits basis. Somehow McCoy is the only person satisfied with this.

I've also had this idea percolating around about bones medically prescribing, uh, himself as a sub to spock and jim who are in a relationship with each other but are both doms. so that will be fun to think about.

who do you want to thank? like Kelly, the @mcspirkevents events server has been so critical to how loved and accepted ive felt in fandom spaces this year. Couldn't do it without all you enablers!

tagging: @charaznablescanontoyota @fruitsboots @ncc1701ohno @cloudilicious

[constantvariations]

Why Some People Don't Like Jaune Arc

I've seen some folk confused about the dislike towards Jaune, such as @the-sapphic-raven and @foxgirltail so I thought I'd compile all the reasons (that I can remember without a whole-ass rewatch) in a single post. For the most part, it's not the character himself that earns ire but the way he's used

Volume One

All the goodwill Jaune built up by being sweet towards Ruby is immediately soured by his chauvinistic attitude towards Weiss and his dismissal of Pyrrha, a strange choice given this is supposed to be a progressive society/show. And Pyrrha, the prodigy of the entire school, is somehow into being treated like dirt

There's also the matter of his sneaking into a school dedicated to protecting people from man-eating monsters despite the fact that Jaune had negative skills (while somehow being from a long line of warriors). It makes for good story, but it's also an incredibly selfish and dangerous decision that put people, most directly his teammates, at risk due to his inexperience. This would've been smoothed over had he actually been proactive, but instead he sleeps in class and Pyrrha has to take initiative in training him

The biggest problem comes in the "Jaune Arc" where his generic bullying plot not only overshadows the anti-faunus attitude, not only comes before Blake or Yang get an arc, but takes up an entire twenty-five percent of the first season. That was a whole month of Jaune instead of RWBY back in the days of release

Volume Two

Once again, Jaune has a disproportionate amount of time dedicated to him but this time he's joined by Neptune so we can have a love triangle between these two and Weiss. Given that Jaune and Neptune are voiced by Luna and Shawcross, the writers who, yknow, write Weiss's every word and action, this comes off as super creepy. Additionally, he pursues Weiss despite her multiple unambiguous rejections, and the narrative is clearly on his side. And then, after learning that Neptune turned down Weiss - something well within his right to do - Jaune gets pissy and confronts him with language objectifying Weiss as some sort of possession and forces Neptune to reveal something he's obviously very ashamed about

There's also the man-in-a-dress "joke" that shouldn't be considered a joke in a gender-equal society, but that's simply more bad writing choices with Jaune as the victim

Volume Three

There's not as much here since Jaune plays more of a supporting role to Pyrrha, which is where he really shines as a character. There's that bit during the Vytal Festival with the team name shenanigans throwing off the scene's rhythm, but it's more of an annoyance than anything else

But then after Pyrrha sends him away, instead of calling Glynda like he'd been about to do or any authority, he calls Ruby and breaks his phone before calling anyone else. Grief does make people do stupid things, but this is goes beyond that. This was a choice of the writers to refuse Pyrrha backup so she could die, leading into the most consistent complaint of Jaune in all subsequent volumes: trauma hogging

Volume Four

While Ruby, Ren, and Nora get only outfit changes, Jaune gets upgrades to both his armor and weapon using Pyrrha's crown and sash. This is pretty blatant favoritism since Ren and Nora don't get anything of hers to symbolize their connection to Pyrrha despite them also being teammates and friends. This trauma favoritism continues when Ruby wakes from a nightmare about Pyrrha only for the scene to be about Jaune's feelings. We never come back to Ruby's trauma (unless you want to count that one talk with Oscar in V5, which still isn't great) and Ren/Nora are completely passed over

Then in the Nuckleavee fight, instead of Ruby being the one to rescue Qrow from oncoming attack because she's got the speed and that's her uncle, it's Jaune who saves the day. It's Jaune who gets that silent handgrab with Qrow, which means nothing because these two don't really know each other but would mean a wealth of things had it been Ruby instead

Also, the sword sword "upgrade." It's not Jaune's fault that it's poorly designed, I'm just legally obligated to say it sucks every time I talk about this fight

Volume Five

When Qrow and Lionheart talk about Raven, Jaune knows she's Yang’s mom despite the two of them sharing maybe 10 words with each other. Yang didn't even tell Blake, her own partner, much about Raven, but for whatever reason she told Jaune? Sus

The climatic fight nerfed everyone, but Weiss and Cinder got special stupid juice specifically so Jaune could be the main character. Cinder spent the last two seasons building up and reinforcing her hatred of Ruby, even agreeing to Raven's alternative plan just for a stab at the kid. Yet her attention during the big fight is solely on Jaune because...? And he goes toe-to-toe with her! She was trained by a professional huntsman for years as a child while Jaune has, what? Maybe a year of training? And she's a Maiden! The deck is so stacked against Jaune it's not even funny

Then to punish him, instead of attacking Ruby - who's entirely preoccupied by Emerald, his very first friend, and the person he crossed continents to follow - Cinder goes after Weiss. His crush. Who conveniently forgot her sword isn't a wand and her glyphs can do just about anything so her aura could be broken

Weiss got fridged so Jaune could discover his semblance. Female empowerment at its finest

(Before anyone tries it, no, I'm not saying Ruby should've been fridged instead. The situation as written is set up so that somebody HAS to be fridged, which is stupid. This could've been revealed in a million ways that didn't involve girls being maimed)

Volume Six

Getting aggressive with Oscar was out of line. I understand (not condone) Qrow being violent because he's been in the game longer than any of the kids and just watched an entire HD powerpoint of Ozpin's lies. Being Oz's spy was essentially his life

Jaune does not have that same depth of investment. One can argue that he was acting on his grief of Pyrrha, but that falls flat when neither Ren or Nora come even close to the same reaction

Once again, Jaune hogs all the Pyrrha-related trauma, even getting a visit from her mom(?) while looking at a giant statue of her (despite the fact that Pyrrha blatantly said in V2 she didn't like being treated like she's above others)

Volume Seven

Jaune hogs the camera for JNR's new landing strategies, his hair is dumb, and grown women fawning over a teenager is gross, but overall Jaune this volume is fantastic. Super swell in his supporting role here and that bit where he compliments Nora after her failed flirting always makes me giggle

Volume Eight

Imma be honest, I don't remember much of V8 and I do not have the time, will, or energy to rewatch it, so I'll just skip to the biggest thing in the volume: Penny's death.

Jaune did not try hard enough to save her. Whereas any other time this trope of mercy killing during combat has been implemented, it's typically done as a reluctant last resort after every other option has been exhausted. Cinder was still preoccupied with Weiss and Jaune's pretty beefy; he could've made a dash for the exit while still healing her

Instead, he boosts her aura for a whole 2 seconds before agreeing to stab her in the heart.

Another fridge for Jaune's collection

Volume Nine

Everyone's fears of Jaune stealing the spotlight once again get confirmed. He gets a legendary role in a story loved world wide, a pedestal only matched by Ruby's weird deified status in the rtx V9 epilogue, which may or may not be canon

Weiss is into him for "being mature" despite never having shown a preference for older men. Not counting villains we have Ozpin, Oobleck, Port, Klein, Qrow, and Ironwood; all of whom could've been used to establish this trait, yet it only comes out with Jaune? Highly suspicious

His relationship with the paper pleasers is incredibly terrible. He has no respect for their culture and treats them like children despite their obvious intelligence. It rings far too closely to missionaries "saving" people, usually of color, in third world countries

Then, when Ruby finally snapped and is venting her frustrations, Jaune cuts in to take his rage out on her. Jaune, at this point, is at least in his mid thirties, so we get a grown ass man yelling at a seventeen year old girl who then runs away, putting her in a vulnerable position that is immediately taken advantage of. Nobody blames him for being upset, but as an adult he now has a responsibility to take care of how he treats people significantly younger than him

Not even an hour after Ruby drinks the tea right in front of them, the entire group hugs Jaune with big, bright smiles. Ruby not once had someone actually comfort her despite her obvious failing mental health, but Jaune gets comforted by both the team and the narrative

Thanks for surviving this far

Feel free to add on, but I'm tired of this being in my drafts so Jaune be upon ye

If y’all disagree with any of the points, I'd love to hear your view and have a nice discussion

[cinemaocd]

Movies I watched in March 2024

Under the Cherry Moon (1986)** I'm Not There (2007)*** Jingle All the Way (1996)* Three Graves to Cairo (1943)** Hitchcock (2012) ** Silent Partner (1978)** Possession (2002)** Oppenheimer (2023)** Oscar Wilde (1960)** Turning Point: The Cold War and the Bomb (2024)** Anselm (2023)*** 24 Hour Party People (2002)** Two of Us (1999)*** Remains of the Day (1993)*** Doubt (2008)*** Dune (1984)*** Dune Part II (2024)***

Under the Cherry Moon (1986)** Absolute bobbins of a script is still beautiful to look at, very gay and of course mainly a vehicle for Prince's music. Under the Cherry Moon was the follow up to Purple Rain. It was a box office flop, a critical failure that earned Razzie nominations, but is a worth another look. Prince and Jerome Beton are sex workers with a rich female clientele on the French Riviera, the kind of career that only exists in movies. Kristin Scott Thomas makes her film debut as the debutante who comes between the friends and threatens to part them. Prince's death scene, harkens back to Camille with Prince playing Garbo. Like Garbo, Prince was happy to exploit his own androgyny and like Garbo, he was doomed to only explore that in a way that could be squeezed into heteronormative films.

I'm not There: (2007)*** A fascinating look at Bob Dylan, dividing him into six personae played by six different actors. Haynes uses different film styles, the Cate Blanchett mid Sixties Dylan of Bringing it All Back Home and Blonde on Blonde is matched in style with the black and white cinematography of D.A. Pennebaker's Don't Look Back. It also has elements of the Italian Surrealists like Felinni or Antonioni with a scoch of A Hard Day's Night. The soundtrack is particularly good, avoiding for the most part, the licensing pitfalls that plagued Haynes' Bowie biopic, Velvet Goldmine. Some of the most effective moments of I'm Not There, pair landscape shots with Dylan's music. Given the catalogue and the array of talent, Haynes has gathered, one perhaps expects a bit more , but then that has always been Dylan's nature, he's mysterious and aloof, leaving us wanting more.

Jingle All the Way (1996)* We watched this Christmas movie in March because we recently learned that part of it was filmed at my son's elementary school. It had Jake Lloyd somehow being more annoying than he was in the Phantom Menace as a bonus. Phil Hartman got dragged into this unfunny mess as well.

Three Graves to Cairo (1943)** Tense war time drama about a British officer who gets trapped behind the lines and ends up hiding out in a hotel working as a waiter for Field Marshall Rommel. Billy Wilder ratchets up the tension, his script giving all the best lines to Rommel, played by Erich Von Stroheim who really owns the film though Anne Baxter and Franchot Tone nominally "star."

Hitchcock (2012)** Hichcock's struggle to make Pyscho dramatized with fantasies where he hangs out with Ed Gein, while Alma Hitchcock gets involved in a Hitchcockian romance with a hack writer. Scarlett Johannson plays an almost deliberately obtuse Janet Leigh and James Darcy captures pre-Psycho Tony Perkins. It's a bit silly but I'll never turn down Helen Mirren and Anthony Hopkins in anything. This has a slight, arch feel to it, like many of Hitchcock's pictures, but lurking underneath are the ordinary hates and passions of a man who fears being left behind, at the height of his career. For his long-suffering wife's part, she too feels she's being replaced by the young actresses that Hitchcock is obsessed with at the moment. The conclusion is sweet enough for the Hayes office: husband and wife rediscover the magic of their working relationship, which was always the rock upon which their relationship was built.

The Silent Partner (1978)** With Elliott Gould, Christopher Plummer and Susannah York in the cast, this should have been better. Decent heist plot that devolves into slasher film . Christopher Plummer takes on the dubious mantels of playing a villain in a piss-poor American action film and a cross-dressing murderer.

Possession (2002)** A rather thin adaptation of a great novel, A.S. Byatt's story of two modern academics who disover a previous hidden romance between two Victorian poets. The film lacks the poetry of the novel, which I think is necessary for the story to have its full impact, but the film is full of plenty of jabs at academia as well as burning passions. Gweneth Paltrow and Aaron Ecklund play the young couple, while Jeremy Northam and Jennifer Ehle play the poet/lovers. Tom Hollander has a small but memorable part as does Toby Stephens.

Oppenheimer (2023)** My least favorite half of Barbenheimer still damn good and the physics nerd in me reveled in seeing my dead physicist boyfriends on screen. There are better films about Oppenheimer's life (BBC did a mini series starring Sam Waterston and it's on youtube) but something about the dreamy quality of Nolan's film captures that quantum mystery kinda vibe and put it in a blockbuster package. Cool.

Oscar Wilde (1960)** Preceded the landmark film Crisis by one year, without the world shaking honesty that film managed, around the topic of homosexuality and the law. Both films hinged on blackmail of a gay man but Oscar Wilde is careful to skirt around explicit mentions of sexuality, using tricks like showing the dictionary definition of "sodomy" briefly on camera. More was needed and more was achieved a year later. Ralph Richardson contributes to the courtroom scenes admirably and Morley is a terrific Wilde, who would rather make point for style than save himself from prison.

Turning Point: The Cold War and the Bomb (2024)** Fascinating background to our current situation, most of which is terrifying and now I'm worrying about the bomb again. I took off a star for the sheer number neo-con/Reaganite talking heads in this...

Anselm (2023)*** Wim Wenders stirring mostly visual documentary about Anselm Kiefer, a German artist who has explored his childhood memories of post war Germany in a frank and intimidatingly in your face way, on a massive scale combining sculpture, painting and physical spaces, many of which he has engineered himself. As a middle aged person who feels estranged and terrified to look more deeply into her own childhood, Anselm was something to sit with for two hours.

24 Hour Party People (2002)** Steve Coogan plays Tony Wilson, the Manchester TV personality and club owner who helped launch the careers of Joy Division, New Order and The Happy Mondays. Coogan has a tendency to make all his characters Alan Partridge and this is no exception, but it kind of works? It did more to get me to listen to Joy Division that numerous goth roommates ever could...

Two of Us (1999)*** I can't stop watching this made for VH-1 fanfiction of a movie starring Jared Harris and Aidan Quinn as John Lennon and Paul McCartney, dramatizing a probably apocryphal tale that John and Paul met up in NYC in the 70s when Paul was playing Madison Square Garden. Pure fluff and nonsense. I need it like air.

Remains of the Day (1993)*** Revisiting this old favorite and finding that it's kind of pacey and funny for a Merchant Ivory pic. The movie that made me love Tony Hopkins as an actor, his Stevens is really such a fascinating, ostensibly tragic character and yet there is a weird kind of triumph to living one's life so completely to a schedule and a code, and yet never being to eliminate desire and feeling.

Doubt (2008)*** This is the second Philip Seymour Hoffman movie I've watched in the last few months that has left me utterly haunted. Like The Master, Hoffman creates a villain who charms the audience at the same time you know that he's probably done unforgivable things and is only at the start of a long career of doing unforgivable things. Meryl Streep gives a heavy handed performance (Streep never met a colloquial accent that she didn't wear like a Groucho Marx nose) that certainly gets the point across that unpleasant people usually aren't the bad guys you want them to be. Amy Adams plays a naive young nun who, like the audience, is left wondering what to believe.

Dune (1984)*** Unapologetic Lynch Dune lover here. I love the cheesy acting, the wild tonal shifts, and the attempts to put this sprawling multibook epic in the Star Wars shaped box that the studio wanted him to use. My favorite scene has become Lynch's cameo, he seems so happy just pretending to be a spice miner, in his little spice mining suit in his little unconvincing space ship. I love him and this whole stupid mess. Sorry Frank Herbert.

Dune Part II (2024)*** My prediction is that Villeneuve's probable trilogy will--like so many franchises--peak in the second film. The first part was a slow-moving visual feast, that only hinted at the potential of this cast. Things actually start moving in the plot and Chalamet's Paul does his best to cope. Unlike MacLachlan's avuncular Atreides, who takes being a Messiah as just being another Tuesday of being the Universe's Most Gifted Child, he actually seems conflicted. Zendaya continues to utterly dominate every time she's on screen. Can Channi be the focus of the movie? Please?

[soobberries]

I want to hear your thoughts on something- ot5! voyeurism. Who do you think would be into it?

I cannot get this image out of my head: one member (bf? fwb? or maybe you're just a groupie(?)) sits behind you, his legs on top of yours to keep your legs wide open. He's got one arm around you to keep you pressed against him, while his free hand is busy stretching you out with his fingers as his four bandmates are stroking their cocks, focused on watching the way your cunt is slick, dripping with your arousal with lust-filled eyes.

One of them will prob whip out his phone and start filming to send it in the gc & rewatch later because they don't want to forget the pretty noises you make, both from your core and your lips, as well as how hot you look with a fucked out expression.

Ofc leads to a very messy sixsome. 👍

LMFAO I am soooo sorry abt the way I wrote this, I am very clearly not a smut writer, but I needed to get this out because my brain is having a meltdown 🥴🫠 accept my sincerest apologies 🤲

POHEW. Not a messy sixome >insert that thirsty emoji since I'm on my laptop and lazy to pull it out<

Please don't apologise for how you wrote this! I'm no true smut write myself so I can't say I'd do a better or worse job hehe~! Either way I'm just excited to share these ideas of course!

Hmm now let me think... I feel as though many of us are to an extent, voyeurs... I mean if you have to just think in simple terms of the consumption of porn and such. Plus if we want to give some level of validation to your scenario, we'd have to assume that they are all voyeurs, so let me discuss the scenario seperately to the general question of who I'd think is into it.

I also mentioned in a different ask that in theory someone can be really into something but in practice, not really. While I won't go into specifics like that other post, realistically, only one of them would be okay with true voyeurism...and i also don't know who it would be... Anyway being too realistic is boring so in a general sense, who's super into it?

I'd say resident weebs Soobin and Huening! Beomgyu closely after. The other two seem more possessive and while they'd be into watching you play with yourself, they don't seem to be into watching someone else play with you, get what I mean?

Now moving on, lets assign who's who in your lovely scenario hehe.

Idk my mind is so set on the person with their fingers being inside you being Taehyun lmao. We all know Taehyun is lowkey beefy so having his muscular arms and legs hold you down? sounds hot. Beomgyu is recording... It could be Kai but I just feel he'd be too focused on watching Taehyun's fingers slipping inside of you, mesmerised by how it seems to disappear so effortlessly, thinking about what it must feel like to have his own fingers inside.

I can't work out the logistics but I'd say it would make most sense to be fwb with Taehyun, and he openly shares your sexual escapades with the other members. And lets say you're friends with all of them to some extent or at least acquainted somehow... You at least have disgustingly obvious sexual tension with two of them (I'm betting on Kai and Beomgyu. Those two are just... intense.) Then of course after hearing about your sexual encounters on the occasion from Taehyun, as well as actually hearing you in the literal sense when Taehyun is fucking the living daylights outta you, the other two can't help but let their minds wonder on occasion. Perhaps one had a lewd dream about and the other secretly masturbated to your sounds one frustrating night lmao.

Either way Taehyun is definitely a little shit, enough to the extent that he'd bask in taunting the other members as well as you by playing with you in front of them.

It's easy to picture him dragging lets say Kai and Soobin (them being the most likely to take part in something like this without their pride getting in the way like Gyu and Yeonjun) to watch you since they were ever so curious. He'd ask you about the ordeal before, and ignoring the awkward glances and scoffs exchanged between you, Kai, and Soobin, unsure about what to do when actually faced with the situation, he'd order you to strip down and get on his lap.

Plus Taehyun manspread>>> ahem, anyway.

Once your situated on his lap, he pulls your legs apart, not really considering how embarrassing the whole thing would be for you, sticking his knees behind yours to secure the position, using his arms to pull you close to his chest, his lips trailing gentle kisses against your neck as he reaches down to rub circles on your clit.

Even if you were embarrassed, with the position and the way it feels to have him touch you, as well as the dazed stares of the other two, you'd be far too gone to really focus in on that feeling.

The other two, both with puzzled expressions, zoning in on your clit initially trying to get a grasp of everything, simultaneously being impressed by how well Taehyun knows your body as well as trying to explain why their pants suddenly feel so fucking tight. Taehyung would tighten one arm around your waist, leaving soft bites on your neck, and whispering all sorts of things to you "Are you extra wet because the others are watching?" "Feels like you're extra sensitive to my touch with an audience. He'd focus on you a lot more than the guys but he won't rule them out in that situation.

He'd probably call out their bulges and call them idiots if they don't plan to take this opportunity to touch themselves. Anyway I'm sure Kai is the first to pull his dick out, absolutely dazed by everything.

Then after some toying, Taehyun gets a second finger in no time,, starting to hit you're favourite spots, causing you to arch into him. Obviously hearing the ruckus the other two would get curious and even if they're taken aback by the site before them: Soobin and Kai touching themselves at the site of you crumbling against Taehyun's fingers, they'd simply lose sense of logic sooner or later, standing by the doorframe feeling themselves get turned on too.

Beomgyu, being first to pop out his camera, Yeonjun being the first to approach you directly kneeling down in front of you, ready to probably eat you out or at least ask Taehyun if he can put his fingers inside you, eager to see if he could also get you to make those same sounds you were just making.

Yeonjun's fingers and mouth busy themselves against you while Taehyun pulls you closer to him while he sucks on your neck and ruts his hips into your back, Beomgyu filming from the doorway as he rubs his bulge with his free hand. Once Soobin sees Yeonjun joining, he wills himself to move forward and attach his lips to your nipple and use his other hand to play with the other. Kai is the only one that remains dazed at the site, happily being satisfied without touching you for now.

I mean your senses at this point... how much will you truly process when there's already three men al up against you, making it their mission to just make you feel good.

it's putting a different meaning to tomorrow x together for sure...

Idk when it happens exactly but once you cum once, Taehyun for sure tells you to move so he can get rid of his pants, and when you stand this is the opportunity that Kai takes to simply come make out with you, maybe he'd take your hand and place it on his dick, hoping you'd help him. Yeonjun is experimenting with you still, basking in the way you squeeze around his fingers, and Soobin is in boob heaven so they're staying busy. Taehyun wouldn't hesitate to pull you back into his lap, shooing Yeonjun away so that he can fuck you like he wants to. Yeonjun doesn't even care much though, he's so fixated on your expressions instead, he may go help Beomgyu out if he's feeling fruity though idk... Beomgyu has been filming but he has to put the phone down at some point to focus purely on getting himself off... Then again when he sees what you look like with Taehyun's cock inside of you, he suddenly has this urge to also want to be inside of you...

Eh... I'm sure they figure out some way to take turns... He may opt to just shove his cock in your mouth though if the position allows for it.

Well as for the rest... I may have to consider actually becoming a smut writer and write the whole thing out hehe!

Thanks for sharing your lovely insights~!^^

[chuncao]

Murim

Joongdok Modern AU 

Yoo Joonghyuk was a famous pro-gamer who rarely got time to come back home. After months of not seeing his family, he finally had the chance to go back to see his sister. However, when the two met up, Yoo Mia kept talking about this one novel - TWS. She even pestered him to give it a try. The novel apparently was quite famous as it had its own webtoon and animation adaption. 

“You wouldn’t regret it, I swear..” Yoo Mia said. 

With that, Yoo Joonghyuk decided to give the novel a go. After all, he wanted to have something in common with his younger sister, who he can only see once or twice a year. At first, he thought that the novel was typical like those of the same genre but as he progressed through the story, he found himself slowly getting attached to the characters. He was particularly fond of the character DKOS who were always willing to sacrifice himself for the others. His companionship with the main character - Yoo Yoonghan was admirable too. Speaking of the main character, the man was somehow weirdly familiar to him. 

As if he was possessed, Yoo Joonghyuk managed to finish the more than 3000-chapter long novel in less than 2 weeks. It was a considerable feat considering the fact that he wasn’t that much of a reader himself. For nearly 2 weeks, his head was filled with the scenarios of TWS and that one particular character - DKOS. Yoo Joonghyuk felt a deep connection to the character to the point that he cried his eyes out when DKOS decided to sacrifice his life for his companions’ happiness at the end of the novel. In a daze, he tried to search up everything about DKOS on the internet, buy every single merchandise available and read every fan theories about the character. 

Much to his dismay, the fandom didn’t really appreciate DKOS since the man was only considered as a ‘minor’ character. They were far more obsessed with the relationship between the main character and the female lead. Yoo Joonghyuk, on the other side, found those characters boring. The fact that people could overlook DKOS for the cheap romantic relationship upset him quite a lot. 

As he was feeling flustered by that fact, Yoo Joonghyuk decided to rant on his private SNS account. Previously, he only used it to upload pictures of his cooking and small daily stories but now, he also made posts about DKOS. Sometimes it was about how great a character DKOS was, sometimes it was him complaining that the author should have given the character a happy ending. No one really paid attention to his posts, but he felt content just by being able to express his feelings for the character. 

All of a sudden, a user named “Dokja” started to comment on his posts. At first, the person questioned his analysis of DKOS, wondering if the author really portrayed the man as such a noble character. Feeling offended, Yoo Joonghyuk did his best to defend his favorite character. It took them a lot of comments and even direct messages to settle the score, but before he knew it, the two of them had become online friend. The user provided him with a lot of useful insight regarding the novel and he wasn’t obsessed with the main characters like the others in the fandom. Yoo Joonghyuk enjoyed talking to the other, which didn’t happen much considering his character. 

—

Kim Dokja was a writer first and foremost. While he wouldn’t consider himself to be famous, one of his works - TWS - was gaining attention nowadays. While Kim Dokja was grateful that his work finally got noticed, he didn’t expect people to label it as a “romance novel”. The novel was an action one with romance being the subplot but somehow, the relationship between the main character and the female lead really blew up. 

“Can’t believe people find romance written by a virgin interesting.” 

Han Sooyoung would always laugh at him whenever he complained about it. 

One day, when he was scrolling through SNS using his private account, Kim Dokja came across a particular fan of his. The fan seemed to pay no attention to the main characters, instead they had taken liking to a minor character - DKOS. The character was only created for the sake of plot convenience, so Kim Dokja was surprised to see someone actually adore the man. He tried to leave a comment in the post to test the other’s reaction and just like he expected, that fan defended DKOS as if their lives were on line. They spent a lot of time arguing and debating but Kim Dokja didn’t really feel uncomfortable talking to the other. When he took a look at the fan’s account, he saw a lot of cooking pictures and short posts acting like a diary. Their wordings were curt but affectionate at the same time. Somehow, Kim Dokja imagined the other person as a quiet-looking girl who loved to cook and enjoyed spending time with her loved ones. It may sound absurd but kdj felt for a girl who he never met before. 

“What the actual fuck Kim Dokja? I thought you had a crush on Supreme King?” 

Han Sooyoung stared at him in disbelief as he tried to ask her for advices. 

“No, YJH is like my idol, you know? Who would want to date their idol?” 

YJH was a famous pro-gamer who kdj had adored since forever. The protagonist of TWS was actually loosely based on the man too. “You are a simp, Kim Dokja.” Han Sooyoung gave him a judging look when she knew of the fact. 

“Anyway, you are telling me that you like a girl who you have only chatted with? And you aren’t even sure that they are a girl?” 

Han Sooyoung said as she mindlessly chew on the sunflower seeds. 

“I know it sounds stupid but-“ 

“What if she was a middle-aged man who likes to pretend as one of those high school girls? Kim Dokja, the internet is full of shit.” 

His friend deadpanned. She had a point. Kim Dokja didn’t really know know much about the other person except for the fact that they liked DKOS. The two of them mainly talked about TWS with some other topics in between. For example, Kim Dokja did know that the girl had a sister and she adored her a lot despite not being able to spend much time with her. 

He knew how the girl may sound rude but she was actually caring for those around her. Or how she loved murim dumplings and never ate food cooked by others. She had never made Kim Dokja feel uncomfortable and that alone was enough for Kim Dokja to fall for her.

After much consideration, Kim Dokja decided to ask the girl for an offline meetup. At first, she hesitated, saying that her schedule might not allow for it. However, after checking her work schedule again, she finally agreed. For the first time in his 28-year-life, Kim Dokja had a meetup with a girl. It wasn’t a date per se, but he still felt nervous nonetheless. 

Kim Dokja arrived at the meeting point 30 minutes earlier so he still had some time left to prepare for his heart. As he was trying to calm his heart, a message arrived.

"Sorry, something comes up at work. I will arrive 30 minutes later than our agreed time." 

The message was from the other girl. Kim Dokja, being the coward he was, actually felt relieved for having more time to collect himself. As an effort to stay calm, Kim Dokja decided to open Star Stream to watch YJH. Today, the man was having a match and were it not for the meetup, Kim Dokja would have stayed at home and watched it from start to finish. By the moment Kim Dokja entered the stream, the match had already ended with YJH's team being the winner. The man was now answering an interview but he somehow kept looking at his pocket watch as if he was short on time. Did he have something to do after the match?

Not really interested in the interview, Kim Dokja decided to watch clips from the match. YJH, as amazing as ever, led his team to victory effortlessly. With a calm face and collected voice, the man gave out orders and directions for his team members to follow through. Kim Dokja had to admit, a focused YJH was really hot.

As he was too immersed in watching YJH's clips, Kim Dokja didn't notice a figure approaching him. The man, dressed in full black, kept looking up and down at his phone. After a while, he approached the spot where Kim Dokja was standing.

"Hello, are you "Dokja"?" 

Kim Dokja recognized his private's user name. He felt his heartbeat quicken but something didn't feel right. The voice was way lower than that of a young woman. 

 "Hello?" 

 The other person asked him again, this time with a hint of annoyance. Wait, why did it feel so familiar. 

 "Yes, I'm Dokja. You are Murim, ri-" 

As Kim Dokja looked up, the sight of someone who he couldn't be more familiar with filled his eyes. It was the same man who he just saw in the screen moments ago. His phone might still be playing footage of the man going through a particularly hard match. The one stood in front of him was none other than YJH himself. 

 "I'm Murim, nice to meet you, Dokja." 

Yoo Joonghyuk, with his ethereal-looking face, gave Kim Dokja a small smile. Oh no, what had he gotten himself into? Kim Dokja felt like he might faint right at the spot. Who would have thought the fan obsessing over a minor character of his novel was in fact the idol he had been admiring for a long time? Someone please tell him that this was just a dream.

[paladin-of-nerd-fandom65]

Wow that as fast lol love the answers!

1: is there any modern comics that is canon in your universe? Like the recent action comics with the blue earth moment? Can see Chris having a problem with them for not being from earth.

2: would chris be the last Zod alive in your universe? Or would he be able to extend the bloodline with thara? Orrrr for drama/sadness, he ends up sacrificing himself to save his “real” family the Els.

3: don’t know if I ask this earlier, (except the duo didn’t exist question) what would it take to retire the duo?

4: maybe a nsfw question, skip it if it is, was there a plan to ship them together like a couple? Like how some ppl ship the super-sons together?

5: in their phones, what’s their family/friends contact names? Like just regular mom or mama Lois 👩🏻 for Chris

6: when taking a picture/selfie what silly face would they do?

1) Well as of recently because of the positive buzz about Beast World I got from a mutual or two, I might incorporate that with Chris and Jake no doubt being caught up trying to prevent Garro spores from entering into people in Bludhaven let alone themselves. Mar’i and Jake I can definitely see being wowed when Kory freed their Dad via luring the spore out but then crushing it with her teeth, preventing her from transforming while Dick was cured. I can definitely see Chris and Jake being there for their friend Jasper as not only is there the obvious with his Dad but also he’ll need their aid in preventing his mother Rae from being possessed by her dark self.

I haven’t been able to check out what’s going on in Action Comics so far (mainly I’ll pick it back up once Jon is restored to his proper age but I digress) but from what I can look up, the Blue Earth Movement are most definitely gonna be adapted as regular adversies for both Chris’ family and Jake’s too given their whole Human Supremacy shtick. Especially since in my own canon, Bludhaven has a sizable population of Tamaranean immigrants

2) In the future of this world…I can see Chris and Thara finally being wedded together and having a child or two together so neither Dru nor Chris would be the last of the House of Zod biologically speaking.

Though Chris might be identify as a Zod by birthright, he still proudly accepts his adoption into the House of El by Clark and Lois

3) I can only see them permanently retire once in their older ages when maybe their powers are beginning to dampen, they leave behind successors they trained for the ways of super hero work if they feel like stepping up, and the have fulfilling lives with their respective true loves

As for temporary retirements like you’d see if they’re kids and the like, likely if an internally traumatic and painful event in their lives happens with their inability to stop it or even moreso if it’s their fault somehow. Of course these retirements only last so long before the call of duty comes for them in form or another and don their costumes once again.

4) Oh No NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

No

I have seen how naughty (and in my complete honesty Perverted) fan artists and writers take that sort of ship and it makes me queasy, especially if they don’t even have the tact or foresight to age up the characters involved.

So yeah, no way I’m ever shipping Chris and Jake romantically. At the very most platonically as very close best friends but that’s the line I’m gonna have to draw

I don’t wanna invite those certain people to my little silly stupid fanon thingy, thank you very much.

Now…NOW if someone does ship them romantically in an age appropriate, family friendly, childhood crush with completely averting any to all intensely naughty and lewd acts, then I can respect them. Just not it for me personally

5) Chris;

Mom Lois

Dad Clark

Big Bro Kon

Lil Bro Jonno

Auntie Kara

Cousin Kenan

Jakey Best Buddy

Mar’i Big Sis of Best Buddy

Mrs Kory

Mr Grayson

Tim Best Robin

Cass Best Batgirl

Mr Bruce Wayne

Jake;

Momma

Daddy

Big Sis

Uncle Timmy Best Uncle and Best Robin

Uncle Jay

Auntie Cass

Grandpa Bruce

Chris Best Buddy

Jonno Lil Bro of Best Buddy

Konner

Mr Clark

Mrs Lois

Uncle Gar

Auntie Rae

Jasper , 2nd Best Buddy

Uncle Vic

Uncle Roy

Uncle Wally

Irey Sis of Jai-Jai

Jai-Jai

Auntie Donna Best Auntie

6) Hmmmm Maybe Either Goggly Eyes with their mouths wide open all crazily OR the Grumpy Cat look

Your asks are always appreciated here @pin-crusher2000

[the-official-account]

Three of Hearts episode 17 live blog

(this bitch has spoilers)

On sabbatical from my impromptu career in marketing, and also (sigh) life, here's another liveblog! The first one on tumblr, the platform where I am somehow even more unapologetically long winded

@threeheartscast

OOOH another flashback I love these. Getting to know spar before clovenheart is <3. Of course it's malicious compliance that's the best type of compliance.

Ooooh I gotta love a seedy literal underbelly. I'm excited to listen to that quiet year series omg.

Okayyyyy I see that moody lighting we've got going one 👀👀👀

ALL THREE AT ONCE IF YOU ARE EXTREMELY SKILLED

Invite only altered people club is so rad.

Scales and tails notes for future me writing a very particular sort of fanfic

Note to find out how to spell yaccab's name right for that fanfic LMAO

GOD I love spar. The puring for the table, the going out to have fun and going it by acting like a host. He's such a people person in a way that's like....Shepardly? OH like a herding dog! Not so much that he's forceful but so much that when he's got you marked as a friend he's gonna make sure you're ok make sure you're okay make your you're okay, your good? OKAY GREAT!!!!! :D

And it's so lovely and wholesome and warm and I'm glad it's a dude filling that sort of role. As much as I love my sexy hostess with the mostest trope, accommodating individuals come in many flavors and genders!

OMG YACCAB IS SO NICE IM SO GLAD SPAR HAS A FRIEND LIKE THAT

Okay writer brain is telling me that while I don't think vellum is TOO straight laced to go here...... hmmm these notes will NOTE be posted yet

(I would've listened to more of the episode by now and maybe gotten to 18 if my brain didn't go on a HARD left turn after that. Know that the live in liveblog means "with many, MANY pauses")

Spar is like "hmm. I moved away from my tribe of people like me. Unacceptable. I'm gonna adopt everyone in this shady ass establishment" and yk what I respect that. Queer life goals.

Let a man get drunk without interruption, oh my god!

I realized "Yaccab" might be "Jacob" and I am... a perfectly intelligent English speaking person! But monolingual.

I don't like this dude for ruining the party. He's probably fine but. Still.

The dynamic I'm imagining between Spar and Jacob is like...Not friends with benefits, but not NOT friends with benefits. Sex-positive, queer, and close enough to where they're super physically comfortable (he was literally on his lap lmao) and they may have kept eachother company once or twice! But like. I'm thinking of that dynamic that is sort of "our relationship is neither platonic nor romantic not queer platonic but between all of those things, and I want you to find somebody but I consider it my responsibility to decide if they're good with you" type beat. Yes these posts are very often me taking notes for myself later. Ah to be free of the twitter character limit.

"....that's fucked up." THE WAY I HOLLERED. Yacob (final awnser) is so confused and spar is so drunk lmao.

OH WAIT IS YACOB AN EX? idk I mean previous statements still mostly count.

I'm too aro for this shit— I don't care how much characters kiss I deadass forget traditional romantic situations are like. Possible.

Why does spar keep giving YACOB responsibility 😂😂😂😂 narrative brain is saying "Setting up to spar trusting vellum with Anya or sorrel n them/paralleling when he sort of did fighting jasper" the part of my brain that wants to put my blorbos in my mouth and chew on them like the word "intellectual" was never invented is going HAHA. SHEEPDOG!

Ah yes the classic Italian stereotype: possessing fancy hats

Jordan introducing the folks in this room as "two women and a man" is THE most gendered sentence that I think exists in this podcast and that is VERY funny to me

*fanning myself* There is something SO admirable about a man with convicti— HES GOING FOR THE DOOR LMAOOOO

"I know what I wanted to know now" my deeply embedded distrust of gms (as a runner-of-games who also loves to get up to nonsense at the first opportunity)has alarm bells going off a bit

OMG VELLUM IS HERE NOW HI HI HI!!!!!

OH MY GOD I love little cute scenes where characters met before they like met, if one or both parties forgets it I call them "meet moots" because they meet and nothing happens JFKSVSLDVSKDVKZ

I mean yeah timbleton has gotta pursue hell lose his job and probably get arrested.

I was about to be like "vellum fuck your bosses stop staying late RISE RISE RISE!!!" and then I remember vellum kinda owns the place dushdgoddb SO DO SOME SELF CARE AND SLEEP, DUMMY.

"yeah I'm fine are spars first words to vellum" oh ouch but cute

NO AGENTS HERE DKSVSODVSOSVSO OH MY GODDD this. This is. This is very cute. NOT SPAR INTRODUCING HIMSELF AS GAMBLER. vellum sounds. Confused but endeared (BECAUSE WHO WOULDNT BE) but ENDEARED!!!!

Vellum is so cool. WOULD IT BOTHER YOU IF I STAYED WITH YOU. AWH.

Bestie if he pushes the key under the door anybody who comes past can open the door.

Spar said "idgaf I can fuck I fucker up, do it all the time, try me"

VELLUM WAITING WITH HIS SWORDCANE AFTER GAMBLER HAS PASSED OUT ON THE FLOOR IS SSUUUUUUCHHHH A GOOD MENTAL IMAGE

OH THEM FLANKING THE DOOR WITH TWO SWORDS IS GO GOOD ALSO

BUT THUNBLETON MY MAN WHAT THE FUCK

YACOB IS HERE!!!! OMG FRIEND! Oh my god I love him.

OOOOOH AND VELLUM IS HERE TOO TIMBLEICBDMD IS SOOOO FUCKED.

POV: you're thinininininnton and vellum is pointing his rapier (I imagine that when he presses the button to unsheathe it an intricate collapsible golden guard springs out) at you're throat is something I wanna draw SO bad that is SOOOO cool and sexy and rand but wayyyy out of my ability right now. It will live forever in my brain (also my list for 3o♥️s stuff to draw is sooo long )

(also I shouldve guessed those people were shady they had one-word genders)

Yacob saw spar running and was like "guess this is my life now!" What a real one.

HE PULLS OUT A FLASH. KIIIIIING SHIT. Spar kisses him...but...but are they.....whatever dlegdkvdskdvd

Also I feel like grey for sure has that eye. Or diamond had the eye and grey has the gem now.

Efficiency-opsec brain getting really excited about the idea of vellum adjusting security protocols....I fucking love protocols.

Oh Vellum honey maybe don't go interrogating the single most secretive person with the most open desire to kill you.

"do you need somebody to take you there?" 🐑🐕

OH SHIT CATS. I miss destiny

I feel like Arabella is for sure in that lighthouse

YOU TURN TO LOOK AT THE WIGHTHOUSE AND YOU SEE THE PRESIDENT JXOSGSODHSODHDIDH

OH. AWH. VELLUM GETTING FLUSTERED WHEN HE'S APPRECIATED THATS CUTE BUT HE DESERVES ALL THE APPRECIATION AND TO BE USED TO THIS!!!! BUT ITS STILL CUTE!!!

BFKSGSKDVS VELLUM GIVING THIS TEEN AN EVEN SAFETY LESSON ♥️♥️♥️

Look like I Respect Meraphina's biomancy, and I respect her ability to use it for healing while also being very skeptical about the role of magic but like .... I disagree with the "don't bring magic back" thinking. If YOU have access to it it's clearly still there. Better for the world to recon with it as a whole then to have it available to some mysterious small number of folks only. Idk. Maybe my opinion on that will change but :\

OH. OH MERAPHINA LIKES HIM NOW? ....COOL!

They're still in cloven heart...hmm. in the lighthouse? This is probably related to preparing something big for bridge since they were all jacks.

"you dont just give things freely" somewhere in town Brunhilde has started frowning

OH. OH THATS A DAMN GOOD JOKER PLAY. WOW. WOW!!!! THOUGHTS. IMPLICATIONS. WOW! Now she can't kill him lmao

Anti-thaumatera is wearing Mayor Thorne as a glove puppet

"everyone in cloven heart at the time the spell was cast" diamond? Didn't diamond arrive soon after?

LOL ok so she'll still kill him

Midtro dance midtro dance

[ID: several repeats of the same very low quality image of a strange silhouette, humanoid but with a head that is too long from nose to ear, feet planted apart, arms out, and butt back, almost as if halfway through a squat. It is black on a white background. End ID]

Ooh Arabella can't do magic. Good to know.

"diamond took care of that" ALSO good to know

Okay but like...jasper...I can see where they're coming from

"he is posted up scanning the river and trees for potential assailants" the sheepdog joke will stop being funny when it stops being relevant and that is no time soon.

DESTINY WITH BRUNHILDE, THE TWO CUTEST CHARACTERS TOGETHER MY HEEEART

"that is definitely where I would be sneezing" 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

"they are both committed to this...to this Investigation"

OKAY BUT TATI AND ANYA COULD BE SOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE. I'm glad I'm not the only one that hears this. Tatianya....though I prefer Anyati

I didn't know tati was altered!

Edit: yes I did, what? Just forgot

...hmmm stowaways.....Arabella would probably be a much stronger presence probably. Xoechi and Joaquin maybe????

VELLUM NOT THINKING ABOUT THEM BEING ALONE BUT I FOR SURE WAY

JOSEPHA DID FUCKING NOT.

BEZTIE LIKE FUCK OFF

If you're trying to get money from the Harrington's for a good reason you could consider just ASKING

ABNFOEVDMD OHHHHH IT WAS TATI.

Girl I love you so much but you are like one week from the world's best full time jobs with the world's most eccentric investor like you'll be fine.

VELLUM'S FLIRTING LMAO

to protect him...

IT WAS GREY!!!! I FUCKING KNEW IT.

Still bestie it is NOT hard to guilt your niece into going to a blood drive you're setting up and like yoinking that shit. The drama! Unnecessary!!

Unless she's doing something super secretive and vellum might suspect that the blood being related to grey at all makes his behavior weird........HMMMM. HMMMM!!!!

I just KNEW tati was about to make that joke

Maybe grey is being Ransomed by a third party who wants vellums blood for some reason and she can't ask him for it because she knows the third parties goals go against vellum's morals and that the only way for them to be happy together after the third party does whatever thing with vellums blood he disagrees with is for her to pay for other people to get the blood so vellum assumes they were involved at all?

Like protection and ransom feel like good grey motivations to be but idk

BLOOD MAGIC?

okay okay maybe not.

Yeah because if grey was REALLY their employer it means that she doesn't have working for him as an out anymore really ...

Spar it might buy you time but it might also put you in danger. And there are possibly worse forces looking for the blood of altered people for expiriments!!!!! Though....well supplying it to them isn't actually doing any harm it's it's conventual since their goal isn't harmful? Well arabellas isn't but....UGH!

This blood drawing scene feels...intimate?

I was right!!!! Just some teens having fun going on an adventure.

BDJSGSJDGDKDBim imagining spar doing full manly-frown lean-on-the-banister stern older brother, vellum starting to smile when he sees the teens (because they're NOT Arabella!) Looking at spar and then going ahem yes. Serious. I am serious now.

Okay yeah but your mom's said no because diamond is a person of interest in a fucking KIDNAPPING

Ah yes the feeling vellum will feel upon spars death is surely "disappointment"

I really hope there's some really crucial information in the couples party djdgskdbd.

THE EYE?????????????? OH DAMN.

That was a really good one. No conclusions I am very tired now. Lots of love goodnight