#after a long hangry day an episode was just what i needed

[the-official-account]

Three of Hearts episode 17 live blog

(this bitch has spoilers)

On sabbatical from my impromptu career in marketing, and also (sigh) life, here's another liveblog! The first one on tumblr, the platform where I am somehow even more unapologetically long winded

@threeheartscast

OOOH another flashback I love these. Getting to know spar before clovenheart is <3. Of course it's malicious compliance that's the best type of compliance.

Ooooh I gotta love a seedy literal underbelly. I'm excited to listen to that quiet year series omg.

Okayyyyy I see that moody lighting we've got going one 👀👀👀

ALL THREE AT ONCE IF YOU ARE EXTREMELY SKILLED

Invite only altered people club is so rad.

Scales and tails notes for future me writing a very particular sort of fanfic

Note to find out how to spell yaccab's name right for that fanfic LMAO

GOD I love spar. The puring for the table, the going out to have fun and going it by acting like a host. He's such a people person in a way that's like....Shepardly? OH like a herding dog! Not so much that he's forceful but so much that when he's got you marked as a friend he's gonna make sure you're ok make sure you're okay make your you're okay, your good? OKAY GREAT!!!!! :D

And it's so lovely and wholesome and warm and I'm glad it's a dude filling that sort of role. As much as I love my sexy hostess with the mostest trope, accommodating individuals come in many flavors and genders!

OMG YACCAB IS SO NICE IM SO GLAD SPAR HAS A FRIEND LIKE THAT

Okay writer brain is telling me that while I don't think vellum is TOO straight laced to go here...... hmmm these notes will NOTE be posted yet

(I would've listened to more of the episode by now and maybe gotten to 18 if my brain didn't go on a HARD left turn after that. Know that the live in liveblog means "with many, MANY pauses")

Spar is like "hmm. I moved away from my tribe of people like me. Unacceptable. I'm gonna adopt everyone in this shady ass establishment" and yk what I respect that. Queer life goals.

Let a man get drunk without interruption, oh my god!

I realized "Yaccab" might be "Jacob" and I am... a perfectly intelligent English speaking person! But monolingual.

I don't like this dude for ruining the party. He's probably fine but. Still.

The dynamic I'm imagining between Spar and Jacob is like...Not friends with benefits, but not NOT friends with benefits. Sex-positive, queer, and close enough to where they're super physically comfortable (he was literally on his lap lmao) and they may have kept eachother company once or twice! But like. I'm thinking of that dynamic that is sort of "our relationship is neither platonic nor romantic not queer platonic but between all of those things, and I want you to find somebody but I consider it my responsibility to decide if they're good with you" type beat. Yes these posts are very often me taking notes for myself later. Ah to be free of the twitter character limit.

"....that's fucked up." THE WAY I HOLLERED. Yacob (final awnser) is so confused and spar is so drunk lmao.

OH WAIT IS YACOB AN EX? idk I mean previous statements still mostly count.

I'm too aro for this shit— I don't care how much characters kiss I deadass forget traditional romantic situations are like. Possible.

Why does spar keep giving YACOB responsibility 😂😂😂😂 narrative brain is saying "Setting up to spar trusting vellum with Anya or sorrel n them/paralleling when he sort of did fighting jasper" the part of my brain that wants to put my blorbos in my mouth and chew on them like the word "intellectual" was never invented is going HAHA. SHEEPDOG!

Ah yes the classic Italian stereotype: possessing fancy hats

Jordan introducing the folks in this room as "two women and a man" is THE most gendered sentence that I think exists in this podcast and that is VERY funny to me

*fanning myself* There is something SO admirable about a man with convicti— HES GOING FOR THE DOOR LMAOOOO

"I know what I wanted to know now" my deeply embedded distrust of gms (as a runner-of-games who also loves to get up to nonsense at the first opportunity)has alarm bells going off a bit

OMG VELLUM IS HERE NOW HI HI HI!!!!!

OH MY GOD I love little cute scenes where characters met before they like met, if one or both parties forgets it I call them "meet moots" because they meet and nothing happens JFKSVSLDVSKDVKZ

I mean yeah timbleton has gotta pursue hell lose his job and probably get arrested.

I was about to be like "vellum fuck your bosses stop staying late RISE RISE RISE!!!" and then I remember vellum kinda owns the place dushdgoddb SO DO SOME SELF CARE AND SLEEP, DUMMY.

"yeah I'm fine are spars first words to vellum" oh ouch but cute

NO AGENTS HERE DKSVSODVSOSVSO OH MY GODDD this. This is. This is very cute. NOT SPAR INTRODUCING HIMSELF AS GAMBLER. vellum sounds. Confused but endeared (BECAUSE WHO WOULDNT BE) but ENDEARED!!!!

Vellum is so cool. WOULD IT BOTHER YOU IF I STAYED WITH YOU. AWH.

Bestie if he pushes the key under the door anybody who comes past can open the door.

Spar said "idgaf I can fuck I fucker up, do it all the time, try me"

VELLUM WAITING WITH HIS SWORDCANE AFTER GAMBLER HAS PASSED OUT ON THE FLOOR IS SSUUUUUUCHHHH A GOOD MENTAL IMAGE

OH THEM FLANKING THE DOOR WITH TWO SWORDS IS GO GOOD ALSO

BUT THUNBLETON MY MAN WHAT THE FUCK

YACOB IS HERE!!!! OMG FRIEND! Oh my god I love him.

OOOOOH AND VELLUM IS HERE TOO TIMBLEICBDMD IS SOOOO FUCKED.

POV: you're thinininininnton and vellum is pointing his rapier (I imagine that when he presses the button to unsheathe it an intricate collapsible golden guard springs out) at you're throat is something I wanna draw SO bad that is SOOOO cool and sexy and rand but wayyyy out of my ability right now. It will live forever in my brain (also my list for 3o♥️s stuff to draw is sooo long )

(also I shouldve guessed those people were shady they had one-word genders)

Yacob saw spar running and was like "guess this is my life now!" What a real one.

HE PULLS OUT A FLASH. KIIIIIING SHIT. Spar kisses him...but...but are they.....whatever dlegdkvdskdvd

Also I feel like grey for sure has that eye. Or diamond had the eye and grey has the gem now.

Efficiency-opsec brain getting really excited about the idea of vellum adjusting security protocols....I fucking love protocols.

Oh Vellum honey maybe don't go interrogating the single most secretive person with the most open desire to kill you.

"do you need somebody to take you there?" 🐑🐕

OH SHIT CATS. I miss destiny

I feel like Arabella is for sure in that lighthouse

YOU TURN TO LOOK AT THE WIGHTHOUSE AND YOU SEE THE PRESIDENT JXOSGSODHSODHDIDH

OH. AWH. VELLUM GETTING FLUSTERED WHEN HE'S APPRECIATED THATS CUTE BUT HE DESERVES ALL THE APPRECIATION AND TO BE USED TO THIS!!!! BUT ITS STILL CUTE!!!

BFKSGSKDVS VELLUM GIVING THIS TEEN AN EVEN SAFETY LESSON ♥️♥️♥️

Look like I Respect Meraphina's biomancy, and I respect her ability to use it for healing while also being very skeptical about the role of magic but like .... I disagree with the "don't bring magic back" thinking. If YOU have access to it it's clearly still there. Better for the world to recon with it as a whole then to have it available to some mysterious small number of folks only. Idk. Maybe my opinion on that will change but :\

OH. OH MERAPHINA LIKES HIM NOW? ....COOL!

They're still in cloven heart...hmm. in the lighthouse? This is probably related to preparing something big for bridge since they were all jacks.

"you dont just give things freely" somewhere in town Brunhilde has started frowning

OH. OH THATS A DAMN GOOD JOKER PLAY. WOW. WOW!!!! THOUGHTS. IMPLICATIONS. WOW! Now she can't kill him lmao

Anti-thaumatera is wearing Mayor Thorne as a glove puppet

"everyone in cloven heart at the time the spell was cast" diamond? Didn't diamond arrive soon after?

LOL ok so she'll still kill him

Midtro dance midtro dance

[ID: several repeats of the same very low quality image of a strange silhouette, humanoid but with a head that is too long from nose to ear, feet planted apart, arms out, and butt back, almost as if halfway through a squat. It is black on a white background. End ID]

Ooh Arabella can't do magic. Good to know.

"diamond took care of that" ALSO good to know

Okay but like...jasper...I can see where they're coming from

"he is posted up scanning the river and trees for potential assailants" the sheepdog joke will stop being funny when it stops being relevant and that is no time soon.

DESTINY WITH BRUNHILDE, THE TWO CUTEST CHARACTERS TOGETHER MY HEEEART

"that is definitely where I would be sneezing" 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

"they are both committed to this...to this Investigation"

OKAY BUT TATI AND ANYA COULD BE SOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE. I'm glad I'm not the only one that hears this. Tatianya....though I prefer Anyati

I didn't know tati was altered!

Edit: yes I did, what? Just forgot

...hmmm stowaways.....Arabella would probably be a much stronger presence probably. Xoechi and Joaquin maybe????

VELLUM NOT THINKING ABOUT THEM BEING ALONE BUT I FOR SURE WAY

JOSEPHA DID FUCKING NOT.

BEZTIE LIKE FUCK OFF

If you're trying to get money from the Harrington's for a good reason you could consider just ASKING

ABNFOEVDMD OHHHHH IT WAS TATI.

Girl I love you so much but you are like one week from the world's best full time jobs with the world's most eccentric investor like you'll be fine.

VELLUM'S FLIRTING LMAO

to protect him...

IT WAS GREY!!!! I FUCKING KNEW IT.

Still bestie it is NOT hard to guilt your niece into going to a blood drive you're setting up and like yoinking that shit. The drama! Unnecessary!!

Unless she's doing something super secretive and vellum might suspect that the blood being related to grey at all makes his behavior weird........HMMMM. HMMMM!!!!

I just KNEW tati was about to make that joke

Maybe grey is being Ransomed by a third party who wants vellums blood for some reason and she can't ask him for it because she knows the third parties goals go against vellum's morals and that the only way for them to be happy together after the third party does whatever thing with vellums blood he disagrees with is for her to pay for other people to get the blood so vellum assumes they were involved at all?

Like protection and ransom feel like good grey motivations to be but idk

BLOOD MAGIC?

okay okay maybe not.

Yeah because if grey was REALLY their employer it means that she doesn't have working for him as an out anymore really ...

Spar it might buy you time but it might also put you in danger. And there are possibly worse forces looking for the blood of altered people for expiriments!!!!! Though....well supplying it to them isn't actually doing any harm it's it's conventual since their goal isn't harmful? Well arabellas isn't but....UGH!

This blood drawing scene feels...intimate?

I was right!!!! Just some teens having fun going on an adventure.

BDJSGSJDGDKDBim imagining spar doing full manly-frown lean-on-the-banister stern older brother, vellum starting to smile when he sees the teens (because they're NOT Arabella!) Looking at spar and then going ahem yes. Serious. I am serious now.

Okay yeah but your mom's said no because diamond is a person of interest in a fucking KIDNAPPING

Ah yes the feeling vellum will feel upon spars death is surely "disappointment"

I really hope there's some really crucial information in the couples party djdgskdbd.

THE EYE?????????????? OH DAMN.

That was a really good one. No conclusions I am very tired now. Lots of love goodnight

[saphushia]

DEUCE TRIED TO BEAT ACE WITH A LARGE STICK WHEN THEY MET????????????????

oh my god i get to tell you this i'm so happy. this is going to get long because i just. adore how fucking cringefail deuce is at the start of the novel. the manga is great but it's so important to me how badly this man can fuck up within 10 minutes of meeting a stranger. his ass does NOT know how to keep his foot out of his mouth

going behind a read more bc long and spoiler filled (specifically heavy spoilers (essentially an abridged play-by-play of the first chapter) for Ace's Story book 1 and a little bit of the first chapter of the Episode A manga adaption)

if you don't want spoilers but are curious uhhhh basically deuce got a lil hangry ^-^ thats all ^-^

so, in the manga adaption, deuce pretty immediately warms up to ace, yeah?

yeah. deuce is pretty fuckin easy in the manga. meanwhile, in the novel, when ace immediately asks for help...

(if it's unclear, all first person is referring to deuce, the book is written from his POV)

in fact, deuce manages to fail basically every speech check in the first conversation they have together. i'm not kidding look at how fucking bad he is at this.

my man falls ass first into a rant to a guy he just met and manages to find himself saying 'wow why don't you go cry to your mom and leave me alone to be depressed' to a man who's mom literally died in childbirth. less than 5 minutes after meeting the guy. and the best part? HE KEEPS GOING.

he's gotta stop there, right? surely? surely even a man who's been stranded on an island alone for 3 days can tell when he's got his foot so wedged in his mouth he's practically deepthroating it? NOPE!

at this point, you'd think there's literally nothing worse that he can say. you would be so, so wrong.

MY MAN. MY GUY. i want to hammer in the fact that deuce managed to fuck up a conversation this badly with a man he's literally never met within like, 15 minutes at most. deuce then proceeds to recover from this utter failure at conversation by just. walking away into the woods and proceeding to continue slowly starving to death for several days whilst avoiding ace. he also eats ants on at least one occasion. this isn't really relevant to the hitting ace with a stick thing but it's important to me that you know that. he also despite all of this has this gayass moment

again, not relevant, but important to me that you know he saw ace failing to sail on the worst raft you've ever seen and still called him 'dashing'. now, at this point, deuce has been without food and with only minimal water for days- probably close to a week, though it's a bit ambiguous. and my guy, brilliantly, thinks to himself 'well. ace doesn't look like he's starving to death. what if he has food?' and sneaks behind ace, following him until he sees ace with a huge fruit (the mera mera no mi).

all of this... deuce sneaking up on ace planning to fight him for the fruit, kill him if he needs to, because he's the son of roger... and you know what ace fucking does??? you wanna know what this giant depressed puppy of a man fucking says to a guy who was abt to bash his brains out??

"nice stick!" and deuce just fucking. starts sobbing on the spot out of guilt while they argue both trying to get the other to eat the fruit. they are. so stupid and i love them so much.

so yeah. deuce's first ever interaction with ace is loudly announcing that he'd want to kill himself if he was the son of roger, and his SECOND interaction is him attempting to kill ace with a stick because he's hangry. i love him so much he's so fucking shit.

tldr you're not you when you're hungry and also you should all read the ace novels. because of this and also because ace and deuce get cockblocked on a gay ferris wheel ride by a marine just deciding to jump in the gondola with them and sit there menacingly until ace breaks the door and just jumps out to escape her monologuing abt her traumatic backstory

[welcometololaland]

911 lone star tag game

thank you @tellmegoodbye for creating this tag and for tagging me 💜 sorry it took me so long to get to it. thanks also to @lemonlyman-dotcom @rmd-writes @liminalmemories21 @freneticfloetry

@chicgeekgirl89 @thisbuildinghasfeelings for the tags and @howtosingit and @captain-gillian mentioning my name, unfortunately for you i have taken that as a tag.

When did you first start watching Lone Star? Who or what introduced you to the show?

someone (it may have been @three-drink-amy) was yelling about the proposal in a group chat somewhere and i was stuck at home, injured, completely unable to walk, miserable and hating life...so I opened a YouTube video to see what the fuss was about. and then i watched all 3 seasons over the next 2 days.

Which season is your favorite?

three

Who is your favorite character? (Bonus: If you answered TK or Carlos, who is your favorite besides them?)

if you'd asked me a year ago, i might have had a different answer, but now (after over a year of almost exclusively writing carlos), i think it has to be him. i just think that i understand carlos a lot better than i used to. aside from tarlos...it's a hard toss up between grace and paul.

Top five episodes. Go!

you don't write 9 fics about push unless you really love push, so it's 3 x 04 every day for me. i'm actually sick for the pilot (1 x 01). i love a good origin story. my three others would be 3 x 13, 3 x 07 and a fight to the death between 3 x 18 for the proposal and 4 x 16 for soulmates.

If you could pick any character to be given a "begins" episode, who would it be and what would that episode look like?

i think the logical choice is nancy, because we really don't know a lot about her. the more she is on the screen the more i am starting to really enjoy her as a character and i'd like to know more. i'm also obsessed with getting as much reyes family backstory as i can. i'm CONVINCED tia lucy has to turn up somewhere. i need to meet that queen.

What is a scenario or storyline that you would like to see in season 5?

total cop out answer for me - i have no hopes because every time i start clowning i get the fear i might curse it. i'm just here for the ride, kids.

What do you think is going on in this still?

see answer above - i think the obvious answer is something about gabriel's death/the murder investigation but i'm not counting my chickens before they hatch or whatever the saying is. (also, they could def be trolling us and it's some scene in which tk is hangry and carlos is calling up the pizza place around the corner to ask where their order is because it's been 50 minutes and how long does a pizza really take?)

We all know about the elusive 5x05 spicy scene that has been teased, so what is your prediction for how it could possibly top 1x02?

it's no secret that i prefer sexy scenes when there's more at stake - a frantic hook up is hot but i prefer anything with feelings upon feelings upon feelings. so i hope whatever it is, it's emotional.

Where was the Tarlos honeymoon in your mind?

i wrote a whole fic about it, so it's hard to go against my own narrative. but i assume somewhere in texas. it definitely wasn't the under the tuscan sun remake carlos had apparently been dreaming about (but i hope they get there one day).

Shoutout one of your favorite fan creations.

there's actually too many to mention, and somehow even though i've only been in this fandom for coming up two years, i feel like i'm a relic 😂 i have so many personal favourites that have come across my dash (a lot of them due to fic/fandom rec friday which i miss with all my heart). but i do want to say that if you create for this fandom in any capacity, whether that is art, fic, gifs, vids, metas etc., your creations are such a gift. every single one adds something that the fandom didn't have before and makes us as a collective all the richer 💜 also, i think it's important to acknowledge the importance of the members of the fandom who are readers or beta readers, or even casual observers. everyone i've come across on this site or in the ao3 comments or discord has such unique experiences and personalities and adds so much flavour to this fandom! so thank you for being here! and thanks to @tellmegoodbye again for giving me an excuse to just ramble on about that.

an open tag because i'm very late, but if you haven't participated, please consider this a tag for you 💜

[be-the-spark-flyboy]

Meant To Be [part 1]

A/n: missed last week buT NOT THIS TIME WRITERS BLOCK😤 written for @autumnleaves1991-blog writer wednesday

Pairing: Poe Dameron x Finn (modern au)

Warnings: swearing, pining, BB8 is a snarky 4 yr old, cuteness, some thirty thots, I don’t know how toddlers speak forgive me, barely proofread, age gap (Finn is 25 and Poe is 34)

Word count: 1.4K

—-

Poe was so tired. He could feel the sweat rolling down the back of his neck, the sun beating down on him mercilessly as he slammed the trunk of his car close a tad harder than necessary. A tiny head peaked out from the passenger seat at the noise. Poe grimaced.

He was really looking forward to handing over Beebee to Han and Leia for the evening and get some much needed rest. But now he was practically stranded in the middle of a desert, sand as far as his eyes could see and a flat tire, puncture kit nowhere to be found.

Dragging his feet back to the front, he dropped heavily onto the driver's seat, huffing in frustration. The radio was playing a pop song he may have heard sometime in passing, but hey, at least the air conditioning was unaffected and they had more than enough snacks packed for the trip. The last thing he needed was a hangry kid crying from the punishing heat.

Said toddler turned to look at him and he snorted at her serious expression and his aviators looking comically large on her small face. Beebee smiled back. "Now are you going to call grampa Han?" she asked.

"Looks like I don't have a choice," he sighed, prompting a round of giggles from Bee.

"He's going to be mad,"

"Little lady, do you think it's funny when your dad gets yelled at by that old man?"

"I'm gonna tell him you called him old man," she giggled again.

"No you won't,"

"Yes, I will," she told him with conviction.

"Snitches get stitches," Poe lurched forward tickling her sides making her squeal with laughter.

"I'm gonna tell him!"

---

"You always get the same thing! Try something new," Rey groaned.

Finn smiled pleasantly at her irritation, cheerfully replying, "Nope," as Rey parked her ancient looking pick-up truck outside the ice-cream parlour. "And if you get me anything but butterscotch I'll steal your keys," he threatened.

"And then what? Walk home by yourself?" Rey laughed, slipping out before Finn could issue more stupid threats. He pouted in his seat, watching his roommate happily skip into the shop.

Fridays were Finn's favourite. Classes end early and it was his off day too. More often then not Han lets Rey off earlier at the shop so he gets to spend more time with her as well. It was just perfect.

The phone on the dashboard starts to vibrate not a minute later. Finn recognized the caller ID and picked it up. "Hello, Solo,"

"Rey not there?" came the gruff reply.

"Nice to hear from you too, I've been good, how about you?" He asked cheerfully. Maybe the fact that he wasn’t face to face with Han Solo made him a little more bold than usual. Rey swears he is a teddy bear under all that grumpy personality but Finn was yet to be convinced.

"Not in the mood, big deal," the old man huffed on other side.

"I can take a message," Finn folded. Best not to push him too far.

“My idiot godson got himself stranded out in the desert without a puncture kit. I need Rey to go help him out,”

“Aye aye, captain,”

---

Bee was adorably dancing along to the Peppa pig theme song on her god-knows-how-many episode on the iPad propped up against her knees. Exhaustion was pulling at Poe’s eyelids as he fought to keep them open.

It had been almost an hour since he made that absolutely not fun at all call to Han, who spent fifteen whole minutes lecturing him on the importance of being prepared, especially with a toddler dependent on him. Thankfully Leia had interrupted with an excuse of wanting to talk to Beebee.

Then they had waited and waited. He had already gotten out of the car to stretch his legs about three times, not more than a few minutes at a time, too scared he would melt right into the ground from the heat. One particularly long blink of his eyes later, he noticed a battered looking pickup truck approaching and thought dear lord let them be my savior.

The truck parked on the opposite side of the road and a young woman in a tank top and grease stained jeans hopped out. Must be the one Han called Rey. Poe dropped a kiss on Bee’s forehead, asking to her to stay inside. He pushed the door open and— very nearly tumbled to the ground in his gay panic.

Another person stepped out of the truck, a man maybe a few inches taller than the woman. And goddamn, he was fine. The black band tee stretched just so around his chest and Christ, those biceps.

“You must be Han’s godson,” Rey’s voice snapped him out of his gawking. God, he must have been so obvious. For all he knew, the guy could’ve been Rey’s boyfriend.

Poe slapped on a polite smile before offering his hand. “Poe Dameron. Nice to meet you,”

“I’m Beatrice Dameron, but everyone calls me Beebee,” said a voice in an adorable toddler drawl. When the hell did she get out of the car? Was he really that distracted? “Nice to meet you,” Bee offered her hand mirroring him.

Rey crouched down to take her hand. “That’s a nice name. I’m Rey,”

“I asked you to stay in the car,” Poe hissed after Rey went to get the spare tire.

“I didn’t say yes,” Beebee answered before skipping away after Rey. Are four year olds even supposed to be that sassy? An amused chuckle drew his attention back to the handsome stranger.

“Cute kid,” his smile rivaled sunshine— shut up, inner-monologue.

“You’d think that, but before you know it she would have you wrapped around her little finger and you can’t say no to her,” The handsome stranger laughed again and something fluttered in Poe’s chest at the sound.

“I’m Finn, Rey’s roommate,” Oh goodie, not boyfriend then. “You new to town?” Finn asked. God, even his name was perfect.

“Technically, yeah. But it’s fortunate I got transferred somewhere with people I know, ya know,”

“What do you do?”

“Flight instructor at the airbase,” Poe shrugged nonchalantly. It was a brag, he knew it and judging by the arch of Finn’s eyebrows, he thought it was impressive too. “What about you?”

Before he could hear Finn’s answer, Beebee came barreling into Poe, screaming, “I’m gonna be a mechanic when I grown up!”

“That’s great, honey,” Poe lifted up his kid into his arms. Rey walked up behind her.

“You’re all set,” Poe looked at her on surprise. That was fast. After thanking the her for the help, Rey and Finn departed. He sighed forlornly. If only he still had game or time to date.

“You ready to leave now?” Bee nodded her head vigorously. There’s only so much desert one can tolerate.

—-

Han failed to mention his idiot godson was hot. Quite honestly, ‘hot’ wasn’t even doing justice to the head full of dark, gravity-defying curls either. Finn groaned out loud, tipping his head back into the head rest.

“He’s a pilot, Rey,” Rey straight up laughed at his pathetic whining. But Finn paid her no mind as usual. “Do you think he has those uniforms Air Force officers wear? I bet he looks so sexy in them,”

“I don’t know, you could just ask him,” Rey stated.

“Hell no! He has a kid, what if he’s straight? Or worse, what if he’s married?”

“Don’t say you didn’t see him checking you out! Besides, he wasn’t wearing a ring,” Finn briefly wondered when Rey got so observant.

“He wasn’t checking me out!” Finn spluttered.

“Oh ho ho, yes he was,” Rey exclaimed. “Very nearly drooled, too,”

“It doesn’t matter,” he deflated, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m probably not gonna see him again after this anyways,” he lamented.

“He’s Han and Leia’s godson, of course you’re gonna see him again,” as if on queue, Rey’s phone dinged again. “See who texted?” Finn skimmed through the message Han sent and groaned again. “What?”

“Han invited us to dinner, apparently Poe’s gonna be there too,” Finn swore Rey’s answering cackle could be heard for miles.

—-

[blackbyakko]

Cruella has potential

Okay, I just saw the Cruella trailer and .... well it's not great. However, I keep seeing people saying that Cruella is a poor choice of protagonist, and I actually high key disagree. I actually think that she'd make an amazing protagonist, all without comprosing the character that we all love to hate. Now before y'all take up your torches, hear me out here, because Disney's actually has made Cruella a protagonist before, and they did it well without making her redeemable.

Protagonist

First off, please repeat after me: a protagonist doesn't have to be a good person.

A protagonist is by definition, merely the central figure of a story. They don't have to be a hero or a villian, just the character at the heart of the story. A good example? Din Dijarin from the Mandolorian. He is not a hero (I will fight peeps on this with a foam sword), he is a protagonist. He does good things and is a good Papa, but he is a bounty hunter. He will and has done morally questionable and possibly disagreeable things for a paycheck. My DnD brain would call him something between a lawful and a true neutral but that's a WHOLE different essay.

If you want a more villanous example of a protagonist, I would like to direct the class to the Artemis Fowl novels. Artemis is a little d*ck. He openly kidnaps, extorts, and threatens the lives of multiple characters throughout the course of the first novel (I've only read the first book). He is not a good person, but he is an excellent character. He was a little shit and we loved to hate him. He had goals, obsticals to overcome, and actual character development. And no, I don't think character development has to be an upward development to be good. They character can be bad, and all that matters is that it's interesting. That's why so many of us love villain origin stories.

Now, what Disney did with the adaptation of Artemis was horrible. Like gag me with a spoon horrible. Like I'd rather sit through It's a Small World on loop for 8 hours straight horrible. And the reason? Artemis was stripped of all interesting characteristics in favor of being a more santized 'traditional' protagonist. They made the villain of a story a hero, without any preamble of how he got to this point. Now, how does this apply to Cruella you ask? Well, I'm more than happy to tell you!

A Cruella Adaptation that Worked

Now, this is NOT the first time Disney has made Cruella sympathetic, in a live action, or a protagonist.

Does anybody remember Once Upon a Time? Well I do and I will never forgive the fact that Swan Queen didn't become cannon. But that's not the point here. Once Upon a Time was a show dedicated to exploring the nuances of Disney's fairy tale characters as just that, characters. We get the stereotypical, "oh but there lives were so hard" sympathy bait, but here's the thing: when they do it, it works not because the charcter is misunderstood, but because they don't have the character turn away from what they have done. They own up to it and for better or worse, it pushes their character forward, and not always in a moral good direction. They literally had Snow f*cking White of all people murder a woman, for, by her own admittance, purely selfish reasons. She killed because she wanted to do it, the neccesity behind it merely a justification. And she actually owns up to it and it makes her a more compelling and interesting character. Now on to Cruella.

Cruella DeVil was the main (main not only) protagonist in the OUAT episode, Sympathy for the De Vil. We go into her backstory and basically learns what makes her tick.

Or rather, what we think makes her tick. This is Cruella. Looks like a nice gal right? Maybe a slight case of crazy eyes, but hey, I get the same look whenever I'm hangry. We are set up to believe that Cruella is simply a victim of circumstance, with an overprotective and abusive mother, a forcefully sheltered life, and the simple desire to see what lies beyond the walls of her suffocating cage. Pretty sympatheic backstory for a would be puppy killer right?

Well, in the same episode here's what we learn: she's locked away, not for her protection, but for others. Cruella has killed people on multiple occassions, with no rhyme or reason other that she could. She tricks the man who sought to save her from her 'horrible mother', steals his source of power, and uses it to kill her mother and skin her dogs, giving her her signature coat. In the present day, her whole goal was to actually regain her ability to directly commit murder (as the man she tricked used magic to rob her of that ability). She was not sympathetic. She is cruel for the heck of it, and loves every second.

And because she loves it, so do we. Or at the very least we're much more engaged. This is how you do a villanous protagonist right. They don't need to be sympatheic for us to like them. Honestly, they don't even need to be relatable. Hell, we don't even have to like them! They just needto be enjoyable, and able to provide us a connecting point to care about (or hate) them. Most people like to fantasize about indulging in our inner villian, so let us. It's okay to have problematic characters as our main characters as long as the rest of the story (through other character's reactions, setting, ect.) makes sure that we know that they're problematic.

Cruella De Vil is a horrid, reprehensible diva who we all love to hate. So let us hate her Disney! Cruella could be such a compelling movie is that's the direction they choose to take it. They have the potential with this character and as we've seen from the example above, they've done it before. So do I have a lot of hopes for this film? Eh...not really. But it does have potential, and I hope to god they take advantatge of it.

[tellywoodtrash]

immj2 30.10.20 lb

lol ishani is suchhhhhhhhh a messy bitch. not even pretending to look less than outright gleeful.

le, iska rona shuru. god sis, you knowwwwwww these bitches have it out for you, then why do you give them the satisfaction of seeing this reaction???

yeh aadmi hai ya bhagwaan? koi bhi jagaah koi bhi time marzi se prakat ho jaata hai.

THAT FUCKING STUPIDASS SCARF IS RUINING THE WHOLEEEEEE LOOOK. GOD WHY DO THEY DO THIS TO HIM?????????

TUMNE JITNE TELLYWOOD FANS KO KHOOOON KE AANSOON RULAAYE HAINNNNA SHIRALI, BHAGWAN TUMHE IN PAAPON KE LIYE KABHI NAHI MAAF KAREGA!!!!!!!!!!

also, just noticed the set and production design credits and finally have names to put on all the hate mail i wanna send.

naaaah jk, i think it's really nice that they got employment in this pandemic, even with their OBVIOUS lack of taste. so much so, that it seems to be a medical condition! 

anyway, he said he got this sargi for ishani on behalf of angre, but since she's got hers anyway, this one can be given to riddhima. noice. this fucker be worming his way into my heart with shit like this.

inka phir se popat bann gaya.

mummy biting out and giving the worst blessing of all, “sadaa suhaagan raho.” which is just an elaborate way of saying "hope you die before your husband does, because life without a man is worse than death itself!!!!!!"

“thank you mummyji. aapne ~~sachchi neeyat~~~ se sargi taiyyar kii thi toh dekhiye, mere haath khaali nahi hain!”

lmao nice. where was this riddhima allllll along?????? i've been waitinggggg for this snarky bitchhhhh who doesn't take shit!!!!!

le, aadarsh bahu mode is back on. sab ke liye koi paath ka intezaam kiya. chanchal chachi was right, she's suchhhhh a annoying suck-up to dadi, honestly.

husband is like here, no one's looking; sneak some almonds, come on. yes, i approve. this the kinda man* you want ladies. one who's willing to have a few hours taken off his lifespan so you don't get hangry.

(*T&C strictly apply: only in this feeding waala criteria wrt this dude. baaki sab toh disaster hi disaster hai iss mein.)

“kaisi baat kar rahe ho??? vrat sachchi nishtha se kii jati hai. koi nahi dekh raha par bhagwaan dekh rahe hain!”

lmao, the most appropriate response. 

wait you guys genuinely need a gif of this moment, coz it’s priceless:

i can't believe they don't let this dude move his face in this show when he is the MOST ENTERTAINING when he doessssss.

he's like dude i'll adjust with the 2 hours less in my life, but dharampatni is i won’t let you escape a minute of suffering existence in this flesh prison we’re all trapped in, so help me god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

who the fuckkkkkkkkk is this????? and you know you didn't need a needle on the syringe for this whole thing, don't you???

vansh's "baaz ki nazar" toh i've long given up on, but riddhima's peripheral vision also seems to be completely shit if she didn't notice a wholeass person wrapped in all black skulking around directly in her eyeline, not 10 feet away.

lmaooooooo dadi is like tf you doing here, and the hasty retreat he beat. scaryass men soft for their sweet old grandmas is a trend i really do love in tellywood.

oh i like ishani's outfit.

blah blah blah KC gyaan idgaf.

riddhima has lit diya and instant cough attack from the smoke.

it's her. she's the one who did this. looks like she's okay with bhai dying a few days earlier than fated, as long as it means she knocks riddhima down a few pegs.

mummy rubbing it in saying dekho yeh akhand paath hai, beech mein rukna nahi chahiye, apshagun hota hai. godddddddddddddd.

I HONESTLY CANNOT WATCH HER COUGH AND CHOKE THROUGH THIS THE SHEER RIDICULOUSNESS OF THIS IS FUCKING KILLING MEEEEEEEEE

yeh lo ji, parmeshwar prakat ho gaye to save the day and read the paath himself.

all dudes in the world should be in whatever business this guy and angre are in. ki biwi mil gayi toh it manages itself while he devotes himself to her.

lmao the sheer earnestness with which he's narrating the KC paath. both wholesome and fucking hilarious. looks like those primary school kids at their first public speaking contest.

i am ishani. god, why won't this scene just endddddddd already, i'm dying of cringe.

whoooooooooooops. bhai is pointedly asking ki how riddhima's throat got messed up when she was fine like 3 min ago.

behen is giving earnesttttttt excuses and he's really "sure jan"-ing her.

dadi's all no matter what issues crop up in these two's lives, i'm sure they'll win over it with their lurrrrrrrrrrrrrrve. yeah, it looks that way rn, but i wouldn't be quite so optimistic yet, dadi.

literally no one is surprised by this revelation.

oh god, she has something more planned. man who are these ppl with so much energy in their lives WHILE PREGNANT, to do such scheming and plotting??????? just my period cramps have me taking 2 hours off work to curl up on my heat pad and cry about ouchieeeeeee.

great. ragini ko ab daure pad rahein hain.

and poor angre is saddled with getting her treatment. WHY DOES HE HAVE TO DEAL WITH ALL THESE TROUBLESOME WOMEN IN YOUR LIFE VANSH?!?!?! EK ADIYAL BEHEN ISKE SAR PE BAANDH DI HAI WOH KAAFI NAHI THA, KI AB INVALID EX KO BHI ISKE HI HAATH MEIN THAMAA DIYA. i know you got your hands full with that disaster wife of yours, but come on man.

oh god is he gonna blow up at her again for eavesdropping!?!!?!?!?

thank the lord above, she had airpods in. (also lmao, ofc she's literally the airpods meme.)

isn't HE supposed to give HER a gift today???

i liked his other watch better. but this watch is supposedly riddhima “ke dil ki dhadkano se judi hai” so........ i'm no expert in cutting edge watch technology, so sure. sounds like something that would be available for the wives of billionaire gangster’s wives to buy.

oh man she got herself a matching one. which ofc is “tumhare dil ki dhadkano se judi hai.” lord, she CHEESY CHEESYYYYYYYYYYYY. and i'm mildly lactose intolerant, so 🤢🤢🤢

this dude is not though. he falling for this hard and fast. which is....... unexpected. nice, but also suspicious.

“yeh ghadiyaan chahe rahein naa rahein riddhima, lekin tum mere dil mein hamesha rahogi.”

that's sweet. and i'd believe and squee over it if this was any other show. i would. but in this show, literally everyone other than dadi/siya is out to fuck each other over and i don't trust a single goddamn word out their hissy snake mouths.

aaaaaaaaaaaaand ofc he's vrat-ing for her too. BECAUSE THIS IS A FEMINIST SHOW WITH THIS VERY FEMINIST HERO OK?!!!!!!?!?!!!!?!? THIS ONE EPISODE ABSOLVES ALLLLLLLLLLLL THE OTHER 98 EPISODES FILLED WITH HOT FLAMING TRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!

“apni umar badhaake kya karoonga main, agar tum saath nahi ho. main chahta hoon ki tum meri zindagi ki aakhri saans tak mere saath raho.”

again, very very sweet and all, esp. with these soft melty eyes; but it's this show. and we saw the upcoming promo. sooooooooo, kill bill sirens in my head, i'm afraid.

both mann hi mann mein deciding to tell each other the truth about their backstories after the vrat. which should work out splendidlyyyyyyy.

lo ji dream sequence shuru. voot blocked the music but colors put up the scene with bol na halke halke on instaTV so i watched it there.

yesssssssssss you messy trainwrecks. get it onnnnnnnnnn.

this is literally alllll i am watching this show for. the moment y'all bang in canon, i'm outttttttttttt. it's always the best time to quit a tellywood show. always. take this protip from wise, old TT. quit the show the episode the lead couples fuck. just trust me on this.

idk WHOSE dream sequence this is, but lmao it's got the vibes of a not-that-great wedding "promo" thing ppl have got going on these days. which one of y'all is binging these on youtube and thus has their subconscious filled with it/??? it's gotta be riddhima, but it would be absolutely fucking hilariousssssss if it was in fact, vansh.

yup. it was her dumb ass. i bet she had the exact video in mind for kabir and just cut-copy-pasted vansh's face in there from the last week onwards.

oh chachi's back from maayka for vrat kholing.

mans literally do be looking like the chand today. because they eased up on his yellow foundation, thank god.

poor ishani. god, this is why we need feminism. so our sisters don't get pushed into shit like this against their willllllllllllllllll.

dadi and siya shipping riansh to the point of making ppl uncomfortable. what next, you gonna be writing mature fanfic about them on IF????? BACK THE FUCK OFF, YOU WEIRDOS.

“humaare plans kamyaab hote toh vansh iss waqt riddhima ko zeher ki pyaali pilaa raha hota. hmph.”

lmaoooooooooooooooo mummy is an eternalllllllll mood.

this one is getting overly emotional about her first completed karwachauth vrat. eat a snickers, bitch.

dadi overpromising and saying shit like evennnnnnnnn god himself can't shake your love for each other, tumhari prem kahaani billlkulllll pooori hogi and what not. oh dadi, did YOU not see the promo?????

this one got the footage she needed and has duly handed it over to bhai. both of vansh's sisters have the trait for going straightttttt to him with their sordid discoveries, albeit for completely polar reasons.

lmaoooooo the way she peaced out.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand he's started growling about how all this KC naatak was fake and and vowing revenge and games for her dhokaaaaaaaaaa. i hate to say it but............ i told you so.

also abbe oh gobar ganesh. itna CCTV footage mila hai kahin se, toh baaki ka bhi toh dhoond, where you see how she got into the bloody dickey?!?!???! nahi, 2 out-of-context second hi dekh ke paagal saand ki taraah bekaabu ho jaana hai. shit for brains, literally everyone in this show has.

anyway, if i was vansh’s murti maker, i’d be expecting a call righhhhhht about now. riddhima yahaan rahe na rahe, uski murti zaroor rahegi, which vansh and his next paramour will demolish together as a bonding/foreplay exercise.​

[sneezyminniejo]

Could i request an drabble with this scenario : jimin sneezes whenever he hears these particulair words “are you going to sneeze?” And the members use it against him everyday and one day taehyung gets mad at him and decides to tease jimin by saying these words over and over again just to trigger him into an rapid snz fit

My brain ran with the idea, so it’s a bit longer than a drabble, but I hope you enjoy regardless

Are You Going to Sneeze?

Jimin really shouldn't have agreed to that one RUN BTS episode where he underwent hypnosis. His members thought it would be hilarious to make it so he would sneeze whenever someone says 'are you going to sneeze?' What made it worse is that the initial hypnosis stuck. Somehow the hypnotist was unable to reverse what he had placed over Jimin, so now Jimin was destined to sneeze whenever someone uttered the phrase ‘are you going to sneeze?’

The other six thoroughly enjoyed teasing Jimin about it, frequently uttering the phrase one per day. They all just found it too funny that he was somehow able to be hypnotized, but couldn’t get it reversed. Jimin didn’t mind it too much since it only happened once per day and it only ever spurred his usual one or two sneezes.

One day, Jimin was alone in the dorm with Taehyung. The other five were out doing whatever and enjoying their day off. Taehyung had woken up in a bit of a bad mood that morning, so Jimin was doing his best not to get on the younger’s nerves. Jimin was sitting on the couch eating some leftover food from last night’s dinner, when Taehyung walked into the room grumbling about how even though the day was ruined, at least he could enjoy some leftovers.

When Taehyung couldn’t find what he was looking for in the fridge, he turned around seeing that Jimin was already eating the food that he had hoped to eat. While logically he knew it wasn’t a big deal, and the food was up for grabs, and there hadn’t been enough to share, it sent his bad mood over the edge and he blew up.

“JIMIN, HOW COULD YOU HAVE EATEN ALL THE LEFTOVERS WITHOUT EVEN ASKING IF I MIGHT WANT ANY. THAT WAS SUPER INCONSIDERATE OF YOU, AND YOU ALWAYS DO THIS.” Jimin stared at Taehyung, shocked that the verbal beating he just endured. He was about to respond but then Taehyung began to speak with a much more hushed tone that honestly scared him a little bit.

“You deserve this. Are you going to sneeze?” Now Jimin had zero time to respond as he pitched forward with a sneeze. “Hih-itschh.” Jimin looked up at Taehyung after he recovered from the sneeze, only to be met with a devilish grin “I asked are you going to sneeze?” Jimin tried to cut in, but once again pitched forward. “Heptshchh”

Jimin tried to talk to Taehyung after the second sneeze, but Taehyung wasn’t having it. He started saying the phrase thing over and over again. “Are you going to sneeze? Are you going to sneeze? Are you going to sneeze?-”  Jimin wasn’t sure how long Taehyung was going to be saying the wretched phrase. Since he now knew what Taehyung was doing, Jimin was doing his best not to sneeze, but he wasn’t having much luck.

“HEeptschh, Tae-hy-itsch, sto-hetschh, hngxt, istchhh.” Jimin couldn’t stop sneezing and he barely had time to take a breath in between let alone talk to the younger. At some point during the torture, the other five had arrived home, unbeknownst to Jimin and Taehyung.

Taehyung was too wrapped up in his bad mood and revenge to hear them come in, and Jimin was far too occupied with sneezing and making a mess of himself to take note of their arrival either.  While the other five weren’t at all sure what had happened while they were out, they could definitely see that Taehyung was torturing Jimin for some reason. Seokjin tried to talk to Taehyung but wasn’t getting through.

Yoongi decided to take over, when he realized his hyung wasn’t breaking through to the second youngest. Yoongi handed a box of tissues to Jungkook giving him a look with a message to take care of Jimin in just a moment. He walked up behind Taehyung and smacked him on the back of the head. “Ouch, hyung, what was that for?” Taehyung asked, holding the back of his head.

“You tell me Tae-ah. Why are you making Jimin sneeze incessantly?” Yoongi made sure to give Taehyung his no nonsense look, indicating that he was in big trouble. He glanced up at Jimin to see that his face buried in his sweater covered hand that was very clearly soiled and covered in snot. Jimin was also very clearly not done sneezing. He watched as Jungkook and Hoseok navigated Jimin to his room. Taehyung suddenly felt guilty as he had quite literally had some sense smacked into him.

Taehyung looked down as he explained himself to his hyungs that were still in the room. “Honestly hyung, I woke up in a bad mood for some reason, and when I saw Jimin eating the leftovers that I was planning on eating I blew up.” Seokjin quickly went into the kitchen to make some food, since part of the problem was that Taehyung was hangry. Namjoon was the next to chime in.

“Did you say at any point to Jimin beforehand that you were intending to eat the leftovers?” Taehyung shook his head. Namjoon and Yoongi sighed. “Tae-ah, even if you had placed dibs on the food, what you did was uncalled for, bad mood or not. As soon as Jimin is done sneezing and is cleaned up, you need to apologize to him.” Taehyung continued to keep his gaze trained to the floor, full of shame.

While Taehyung was being lectured, Hoseok and Jungkook were tending to Jimin. The sneezing was finally tapering off now that he was no longer being repeatedly assaulted by those four words.

“Heptschh, heh-tiesh, hih-TIEW” Jimin gave a tentative sniffle and sighed in relief that he was finally done. Jungkook handed Jimin the box of tissues, which he gratefully took. Jimin spent the next two minutes blowing his nose, clearing it of all the mucous that had been dislodged.

After a moment there was a knock on the door, and Taehyung came in looking rather sheepish. “Jimin-hyung, I just wanted to apologize for my behavior earlier. I was in a bad mood and I was hungry and I lashed out on you. What I did was completely uncalled for and I’m sorry.” Jimin nodded as he finished blowing his nose. “I accept your apology Tae-ah.” Jimin then held his arms open for a hug, which Taehyung gladly went for.

While in the embrace Jimin whispered into his ear, “Your punishment is to get me pain meds  for the sinus headache I’m about to develop and take care of me the rest of the day.” Taehyung chuckled at that and nodded in agreement. Pretty soon after, Seokjin called everyone for lunch, and after bellies were filled and everyone was in a better mood, Taehyung went straight to doting on Jimin until his headache went away.

[vaguely-problematic]

the whole 12 minutes is gold but especially this part:

for too long those of us with opportunity and privilege have failed and our responsibility to look at the truth squarely and name the system of racial oppression that artificially divides Americans and benefits those already in positions of relative power.

It’s perfectly understandable to not want to do this. It’s human. No one wants to lose privileges or position. Especially when fear of that loss is magnified and stoked by political leaders for their own supposed Advantage. I say supposed Advantage because if you deny the human rights and dignity of any people you will ultimately destroy the society and civilization that you claim to protect.

58 years ago John Kennedy said those who make peaceful Revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.

Not only is addressing systemic racial and economic Injustice The right thing to do. It is the safest most conservative most self-protecting most self-serving thing to do.  contents Under Pressure will eventually explode and that’s not a threat that’s a law of nature. So it’s time to ask ourselves as it is always time to ask ourselves. What kind of nation do we want to live in?

that answer requires moral leadership.

Take it upon yourself to be a leader and set an example of the kind of country You want to live in.

that might mean going down to a protest or making a donation or having a tense conversation about race,

but you’re not going to get that from the White House. So we need to step up and provide it ourselves. America is now officially byop:  be your own president.

(Full speech-to-text transcription under cut)

i’m Stephen Colbert, well, we’re back after 10 days off and I never imagined that after 10 days a global pandemic would not be the lead story.

Remember when we were all afraid of our groceries. I miss those days.

No the story that has pushed 100,000 covid deaths below the fold is America’s pre-existing condition- racism.  protests against police targeting black people have broken out in dozens of cities.

So April was global pandemic May is massive Nationwide protests over systemic racism. I assume June is a plague of locusts then in July pleated pants are coming back.

That’s not just US citizens protesting racism in the United States. protesters gathered in London Toronto. Even Berlin, you know, it’s bad when Germany thinks your country is racist that’s like Jamaica telling you to put down the bong.

These protests were sparked last Monday by the extrajudicial execution of a man named George Floyd face down in a Street in Minneapolis Floyd died after a police officer knelt on his neck for nearly nine minutes now in civilized countries that’s called Murder.  Minneapolis police officer and cop who so dirty even his badge is crooked Derek Chauvin even adding to the outrage is that it took four days to arrest the officer even though there’s  video of him doing it.

It would be the shortest episode of Law & Order ever in the criminal justice system. The people are represented by two separate but equally important groups the police who investigate crime and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders who in this case are the police because come on we all saw the video. What are you waiting for? That’s it. I’m going to the protest. do the "dun dun”.

Even after Chauvin was arrested. He was charged with third-degree murder. That’s a pretty light charge. That’s like Prosecuting Jeffrey Dahmer for a bad case of the munchies. We find the defendant, hangry.

Plus the other three officers involved have not been charged with the crime. So if you’re wondering why people are so upset. It’s because this is so upsetting. Also, it’s not an isolated incident on the very same day that Floyd was killed. There was another viral video of a white woman named Amy Cooper who is confronted by a black bird watcher who asked her to put her dog on a leash in Central Park, and he responded by doing this and I’ve hidden please. Please call the cops. Please call the cops. African American man threatening my life. She knows exactly what she’s doing and why that man should be afraid of the police a brilliant performance. She should win the white lady Oscar.  also known as the Oscar.

now Floyd’s death comes on the heels of Breonna Taylor and Ahmaud Arberyurry and also has Eerie similarities to Eric Garner in 2014. And in that same year, there was the case of Michael Brown in Ferguson Tamir rice and Cleveland all of those Echo Emmett Till and the Scottsboro boys, which happened in the context of Jim Crow, which itself was a soft relaunch of slavery. See really got to go back to the Triangle Trade which ultimately stems from man. Man’s inhumanity to man and are essential Fallen nature. So maybe start with the Garden of Eden actually, you know what in the beginning there was a single point of all matter and energy under tremendous pressure. But you know, there’s always a few bad atoms and the whole thing exploded

now in times like these we need empathetic and moral leadership. Unfortunately. We have Donald Trump. normally during National unrest president step up and address the nation’s pain.

Following the death of Michael Brown President Obama met with activists in the White House President Clinton comfort of the nation with a moving address after the Oklahoma City bombing. Even Richard Nixon in 1970 made a surprise trip, or he spoke to students protesting the Vietnam War who can forget his stirring words. We’ve got to come together and defeat are common. Enemy. The Jews I wrote down on this rushed

Trump can’t even match the compassion of a Nixon because as the Protests raged on Pfizer’s discuss the prospect of an oval office address in an attempt to ease tensions, but the idea was quickly scrapped for lack of policy proposals and the president’s own seeming disinterest in delivering a message of unity. Okay? Mr. President. We’re thinking a short powerful speech from the Resolute desk where you call for racial healing. I’m sorry. What’s that sir? You want to act it out with a box of Aunt Jemima. You know what? Let’s just scrap the whole thing. Today Trump had a call with the nation’s Governors to discuss the ongoing protests and he read straight from the authoritarian Playbook. Why isn’t comforting words. It reminds me of what? Mr. Rogers said about times of tragedy. Look for the dominators. Oh won’t you be? Oh you will be my neighbor you jerk.

That was mr. Rogers dominating someone.

Then Trump said something really scary, you know and you’ll never see this stuff again. So people are upset about systemic racism and a society that over polices and imprisons black people and Trump solution is to do more of that. You know, what they say those who refuse to learn from history are Donald Trump. So Donald Trump is the big tough guy going to dominate the opposition pew pew pew so naturally on Friday as

Range nearby Trump took shelter in the White House bunker. Well if history has taught us anything is that things always work out well for strong men who Retreat to underground bunkers. Mr. President. Come on. This is your moment. You’re always calling to beat up protesters at your rallies. You could shut this whole thing down just pop a couple of hydroxy xand come out of the White House swinging a 5-iron with a Confederate flag tape do it. But instead he tweeted great job last night at the White House by the US Secret Service. Service, they were not only totally professional but a very cool. I was inside watched every move and couldn’t have felt more safe adding a nobody came close to breaching the fence. If they had they would dad dad. Dad. Dad dot-dot-dot have been greeted with the most officious dogs and most ominous weapons I’ve ever seen that’s when people would have been really badly hurt at least many Secret.

Agents just waiting for Action. We put the young ones on the front line sir. They love it. I don’t know why they’re not letting him give that reassuring speech from the Oval Office my fellow Americans. Let me send a clear message to the people protesting police brutality law enforcement is just a bunch of cool guys who cannot wait for things to get crazy. They see you as target practice now a truly enjoy watching you get eaten by vicious. Dogs now, let’s all come together in peace. Come buy guns my Lord come buy guns.

The protest of the White House were specifically in response to this tweet. These thugs are dishonoring the memory of George Floyd and I won’t let that happen. Just spoke to Governor. Tim was and told him the military is with him all the way any difficulty and we will assume control, but when the Looting starts the shooting starts, thank you. Kind of an unnerving way to end a threat. It’s like that scene in Taken. I will look for you. I will find you and I will kill you. Thank you. Stay safe. Everyone top also had some more succinct thoughts tweeting. So terrible where the arrests and long-term jail sentences. We tried to sir, but Susan Collins voted to acquit you.

Now while Trump is in hiding it’s really good to see average citizen stepping up and filling in the void yesterday in Queens police knelt with protesters while in Flint Michigan the sheriff joined the march in Brooklyn protesters protected to Target from looters and Kentucky this group of white women formed a line to protect black protesters from police in Louisville protesters formed a human barrier to protect a cop who got separated from his unit and in Minneapolis.

Group of Mennonites showed up to support the protest Tonight’s Mennonites think America’s too racist! and they live in 1840.

Now I make a lot of jokes about Donald Trump because he is a dull and dark corrupting force that is undermining America’s moral leadership around the world and sewing hatred and fear among his own citizens. So that’s fun. and during this covid crisis the president is totally abdicated his responsibility of leading the people to understand the need to do the right thing for themselves and each other and yet the large majority of Americans have done the right thing anyway,

My Hope Is that the American people will do the same thing now Because ultimately they have to for too long those of us with opportunity and privilege have failed and our responsibility to look at the truth squarely and name the system of racial oppression that artificially divides Americans and benefits those already in positions of relative power. It’s perfectly understandable to not want to do this. It’s human. No one wants to lose privileges or position. Especially when fear of that loss is magnified and stoked by political leaders for their own supposed Advantage. I say supposed Advantage because if you deny the human rights and dignity of any people you will ultimately destroy the society and civilization that you claim to protect.

58 years ago John Kennedy said those who make peaceful Revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable. Not only is addressing systemic racial and economic Injustice. The right thing to do. It is the safest most conservative most self-protecting most self-serving thing to do. contents under Pressure will eventually explode and that’s not a threat that’s a law of nature. So it’s time to ask ourselves as it is always time to ask ourselves. What kind of nation do we want to live in that answer requires moral leadership?

Take it upon yourself to be a leader and set an example of the kind of country you want to live in.  that might mean going down to a protest or making a donation or having a tense conversation about race,

but you’re not going to get that from the White House. So we need to step up and provide it ourselves. America is now officially byop:  be your own president.

[etherealwaifgoddess]

More Time - Chpt.14

Summary: Emma spends the night with the guys and they take their relationship to the next level.  Master list can be found HERE.

Warnings / Content: Smut. Some sweet feels. But a lot of steamy smut. 

Word Count: 5.4k

Author’s Note: Hello lovelies! No, that’s not a typo above, this chapter is a loooong one. And it’s entirely because of the sex. If I can’t bed two super soldiers in real life, I am damn well gonna take as many words as I need to describe it. Hope you all enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it ;)  XOXO - Ash

Chapter Fourteen

Spring was trying to get underway, the smell of rain heavy in the air as Emma made her way over to Steve and Bucky’s apartment. It had taken a few weeks until their schedules aligned again, much to everyone’s disappointment. Seeing each other every few days at Matty’s was nice, but Emma loved the nights they had just for themselves. She never expected to fit so seamlessly into a relationship with Steve and Bucky. Since they came to the bar to visit while she worked it gave them a lot of time for talking and getting to know each other better. Emma came to know their history little by little but more importantly, she got to know their present. She knew they had both lived through a lot in their extended life spans but what mattered most was who they were now, the men she had developed surprisingly strong feelings for after only a few months. 

Emma knocked lightly on the apartment door, barely having time to pull her hand away before Steve swung the door open. “Hey, sugar.” he greeted her with a wide grin.

Emma leaned into give him a quick hello kiss, “Hi, baby.” she said against his lips before pulling away.

Bucky had snuck over while she kissed Steve and she bumped into him when she pulled back. Emma let out a shrill squeak of surprise and she could feel the rumble of laughter in Bucky’s chest as he pulled her to him. Bucky craned his neck down over her shoulder to plant a loud kiss on her cheek. “Missed you, darlin’.” he told her, hunger thickening his voice.

“Mm.” she shuddered against him involuntarily, “You just saw me yesterday.”

“Still missed ya.” 

“I missed you too, sweetheart.” Emma relented, turning around to give him a proper kiss. She didn’t linger though. God knew, they’d never get to eat dinner if they kept that up. “Where can I put my bag?” she asked holding up the large messenger bag she’d brought.

“Bedroom’s fine.” Steve told her, “You can put on top my dresser if you want. Bucky has crap on top of his.” 

“Hey!” Bucky protested, “I use all that crap. And since you seem to like the way I smell and look, I don’t think you should be judging it.” 

Steve rolled his eyes dramatically. “And they say I’m the feisty one.” 

“Oh, I’ll show you feisty.” Bucky threatened, stalking over to Steve who he grabbed by the backs of his thighs and lifted up to wrap his legs around Bucky’s hips. God he loved being able to do that to Steve now that he was small again. 

Emma just laughed and headed towards their room. “Okay, Steve’s dresser. Got it. You two keep it PG, will ya?” She could hear the muffled sounds of giggling and kissing while she set out the few things she’d brought for overnight. They had agreed she’d stay over and they would grab breakfast the next morning. She didn’t need to be at work until the afternoon so they’d have even more time to hang out then. 

Emma returned to find Steve still wrapped around Bucky and she smiled, appreciating the helpless little giggles Steve made while Bucky pretended to attack him with kisses. A sigh slipped out before she could stop it and both men looked over, realizing she was there. “Hi.” they chorused sheepishly; Bucky setting a slightly rumpled looking Steve back down on his own two feet. 

“How do you feel about Indian food and Breaking Bad?” Steve asked her, straightening himself out. 

“Love it and love it.” Emma nodded.

“Great, I’ll call it in and you two can get an episode set up.” 

“Get me gobi manchurian? And those sweet ball things? Gulab... jamun?” Bucky requested.

“I’ll get you the gobi manchurian but keep it away from my chicken this time. I think I ate an entire bottle of tums last time, ya punk. And I’m getting three orders of the gulab jamun because I’m not sharing with either of you.” Steve said while he dialed. 

“We take our Indian food very seriously when someone is hangry.” Bucky informed Emma in a stage whisper. 

She followed Bucky out to the sofa to help pick an episode while Steve placed what sounded like a massive order. They settled on the episode where Gus dies, both agreeing it was one of the greatest TV deaths. 

“It’s all in.” Steve announced, curling up on Emma’s other side.

“What all did you get?” she asked him.

“A little of everything. We normally get a bunch of different things to share and then eat the leftovers for days.”

“That sounds amazing.” Emma moved closer to Bucky as Steve tucked his feet under her thighs. It was an endearing habit, she’d noticed and she didn’t mind falling victim to Steve Rogers’ frigid toes. Bucky had an arm wrapped around her shoulders and with Steve on her other side they were all in a heap at one end of the sofa. They were all surprisingly comfortable, especially after Bucky pulled down the blanket from the back of the sofa to cover them all up. 

It was with groans all around that they untangled themselves forty minutes later when the food arrived but it was short lived once they had all loaded up their plates and returned to the sofa. As soon as their plates were cleared they resumed their heap, insisting Emma stay in the middle so both guys were able to cuddle with her. It was barely ten o’clock but they were all sated and sleepy, dozing on and off while yet another episode of Breaking Bad played. Emma yawned which set off Steve and then Bucky despite his efforts to fight it.

“Why am I this tired?” Emma whined, burying her head into Bucky’s warm chest. 

“Warm. Cuddles. Food. Reruns.” Steve contributed, too tired to form sentences. 

“Look at the two of you.” Bucky commented, yawning for a second time. 

“What?” Emma asked skeptically. 

“All cute and cuddly and sleepy. I gotta get you two in bed and never let go of ya.” 

“What are you waiting for then?” 

Bucky raised an eye back at Emma who looked at him with a challenge in her eyes. With a shrug he extracted himself from their heap, letting Emma shift away enough from Steve that he was able to get his hands under her thighs and, just like loved doing to Steve, he lifted her up with one rapid swoop. Emma squeaked and threw her arms around his neck for support, her thighs gripping his hips tightly. “No!” she squeak-protested, “I’m too big! Put me down!” 

“I gotcha, darlin’.” Bucky assured her. 

Emma went to protest again and received a nip to her earlobe as Bucky nuzzled her neck. 

“Super soldier.” he reminded her, “You’re light as a feather.” 

Steve was watching, highly amused that he was not on the receiving end of a Bucky-transport for once. Secretly though, he did like how easily Bucky could lift him and carry him around. It made him feel cherished, not that he’d ever admit that to Bucky’s face. If he did, the other man would never put him down. Steve got up when he heard his lovers shuffling around on the bed, turning off all of the lights and making sure the door was locked for the night. 

Bucky, needing no nightly ritual, was already on his side of the bed. He’d carelessly tossed his clothes mostly into the laundry basket, keeping on only his boxer briefs. Emma was taking out her contacts into their little overnight case, still fully dressed. Steve hesitated, he was used to his routine but it was different sharing it alongside someone new, even though it was Emma. 

Steve started with his night time meds which he took with a long swig of the glass of water he kept next to his pill case. He did his inhaler treatment, trying his hardest not to cough the bitter medicine while holding it in for a few seconds. Then he took out his hearing aid, setting it to charge overnight on its stand. His glasses were the last to go, the world becoming blurry as he made his way to join Bucky in bed. He knew it was a lot to do just to go to bed but Emma hadn’t commented or even seemed phased really. Steve counted himself lucky though, he felt like he should have known it wouldn’t turn her off of him with his myriad of ailments. He chose to stay in his boxer briefs and soft tee shirt, not quite as confident as Bucky who was waiting for him in their bed.

Emma had very stealthy slipped out of her clothes and into her long sleep shirt. She’d changed her shirt using the technique she’d mastered in the locker room in middle school when they’d all been too shy to be topless around one another. Her bra was slipped off and out through the arm hole of her sleep tee and then her pants came off when she was sure the shirt was pulled down enough. She liked the guys a lot, and she knew they liked her too, but they hadn’t gone past making out yet and being exposed in front of them in a non sexual context just seemed too much at the moment. Once she was changed Emma moved to the bed, her vision only a little worse off without her contacts, and tried to figure out where her spot was. 

Bucky noticed her hesitation and patted the spot between him and Steve. “You can be in the middle.” he offered.

Emma nodded and crawled up to her spot from the end of the bed so as not to disturb the guys. She was barely laying down when two sets of arms wrapped around her. Emma had shared a bed with a man before, and a woman once in a night of giddy curiosity, but sharing a bed with two men was quite a different thing. She looked from one to the other, unsure where to even start. Bucky’s lips were upturned in a pleased little smirk while Steve was smiling through his nervousness. Before she could make up her mind, Steve, in true Steve Rogers fashion, decided to dive in head first before he could let his nerves get the best of him. Emma matched the brush of his lips with her own, eagerly letting him explore her mouth as he deepened the kiss. Not to be left out, Bucky had slid closer to wrap himself around her, rubbing her back lightly and placing small kisses across the crest of her shoulders. Emma moaned into Steve’s mouth as Bucky hit a particularly sensitive spot and she felt something jump against her thigh. She moved back to quirk an eyebrow at Steve who blushed, knowing she had felt his body’s reaction to her moan. 

“You… you don’t have to…” Steve muttered, cheeks burning.

“I know, but I want to.” Emma assured him. Then, leaning back and craning her neck so she could press a kiss to Bucky’s jawline, she whispered “And with you too.” 

Bucky groaned lightly, shifting yet again so she could feel him pressed against the curve of ass. 

“How, um…” Emma found herself stumbling through her words, “How are we going to do this?”

“Any way you want, darlin’.” Bucky rumbled in her ear making her shudder. “But I think getting naked would be an excellent start.”

Emma nodded excitedly, wanting to get her hands all over both of them. She was facing Steve so he was the easiest target and she had no preference which order they went in anyway. Emma slipped her hands along the hem of Steve’s shirt, giving him a moment to protest if he was in any way uncomfortable, but he nodded briefly in assent and she pulled the shirt off and over his head. He pulled at his own underwear, careful not to catch his straining cock along the waistband as he got them off. Emma licked her lips, biting the bottom one, as she got her first sight of Steve. It was an involuntary reaction and Steve doubted she even realized she’d done it, but damned if it didn’t do wonders for his self esteem. 

Steve’s body wasn’t as frail as the pictures at the Smithsonian made him seem. Living in a time where he had access to decent medical care and food had helped him fill out a little to the point where a soft layer of padding laid across his delicate features and Emma was thankful that he was well cared for. She liked being able to sink her fingers into the softness on his hips when she pulled him closer. Emma trailed kisses from the sensitive spot behind his ear all the way down to the wings of his collarbones while her hands explored the rest of his body. Steve was stock-still, almost afraid to move as her hands roamed free. He wanted to get her bare as well but Bucky had already started taking matters in his own hands.

Emma shimmied her hips to help Bucky tug her panties off and then arched herself up when he tugged at her sleep shirt. Both men made equally pained noises once she was completely naked and she reveled in having that kind of power over both of them. She gave Steve one last lingering kiss before rolling over to address the only bit of clothing left in the bed. Emma cupped the bulge behind the cotton of Bucky’s boxer briefs, making him hiss out a breath, before pulling them down so he could flick them off with his feet. He was deliciously thick and Emma looked forward to the stretch that would inevitably come when he was inside her. Bucky watched expressions flit across her face as she stared at him for a moment, taking in the wide, thickly muscled planes of his body. He loved the contrasts between himself and Steve, and apparently so did she. Bucky took advantage of capturing her lips with his while she was facing him. Emma moved so she was flush up against him, her nipples pebbling as they brushed across the hard muscles of his chest. Everything about him was just so broad and thick. It was overwhelming in comparison to her own petite features and curves, and Emma loved it. She lost herself in his kiss, hands exploring as much of him as she could just like she had with Steve.

Steve was laying against her back, gentle, polite, as he watched. Just enjoying being able to watch his lovers for a moment. After a moment, Steve let his hands do some exploring of their own. God, he loved how soft Emma was. She was exactly what he liked about women, so soft and sweet and plush. He couldn’t get enough of the feel of her under his fingertips and he wished desperately for his charcoal pencils so he could capture her curves on paper. It would have to wait though, there was a more pressing need at the moment, quite literally pressing against her. 

Bucky let Emma go before he lost his mind and started rutting against her like a horny teenager. He needed to clear his head for a minute and figured Steve could use some extra attention. He’d been waiting so patiently while Bucky took his time with their girl. She fit with them perfectly, it was like she’d always been there. He watched as Emma turned her affections on Steve, worshiping his smaller body with eager hands while Steve did the same. They touched and kissed, just letting each other get to know every soft curve of their bodies. Bucky’s heart was fit to burst knowing she was giving Steve all the loving appreciation he deserved, just like he would have. 

Emma had quickly lost any feelings of shyness when Bucky had rained affection down on her and Steve had done the same from behind her. It was exhilarating and she never wanted to come down from the endorphin high she was riding. Two of the most gorgeous men she’d ever met, both inside and out, wanted her as desperately as she wanted them. Finally she couldn’t resist anymore and she let her hand sink lower and lower down Steve’s belly until she had it wrapped around his hard length. He let out a small whimper, almost like a plea for gentleness. She was careful as she tested the weight of him in her hand, sliding her palm up and down his shaft slowly. He wasn’t as thick as Bucky but he was longer and beautifully flushed in her hand. He was so pale that the blush was almost cherry red as she worked him slowly until he was shaking and pressing a palm to her forearm, easing her back. “I want you so bad.” he murmured against her chest. Emma loved how easily they fit together, Steve only being an inch taller than she was. “I want you too, baby.” she whispered back, “But we can’t forget about Bucky.” 

Steve looked over at Bucky who seemed quite alright on his own, having enjoyed watching the two of them for the past few minutes. He loved him so desperately, thankful that they could share easily without the fear of jealousy. It was hard not to get completely lost in Emma, she was so new and sweet. But seeing Bucky, all lazy and lust fueled, had Steve aching for him as well. “Buck.” his name caught in Steve’s throat, God he loved that man. 

Bucky’s eyes were blown dark with lust, more than enough turned on just watching his two little lovers worship each other. He loved the way the two of them fit together almost as much as he loved the way they fit against his larger frame. Emma didn’t spend much time dancing around the rest of him this time, just a gentle slide of her hand from his sternum to his dick. It was harder to wrap her hand around him than Steve but she did her best as she teased him gently flicking her thumb across his head where beads of precome had welled up. Bucky groaned, forcing himself to resist thrusting into her tight fist. He was surprised but pleased when Steve’s lips captured his own, a searing kiss that was almost enough to push him over the edge he was already teetering on. Steve needed the closeness with him, needed the connection in that moment. Emma shifted so that Steve could attend to Bucky while she continued stroking him. After a few minutes of glorious torture Bucky eased Steve back for a moment, “Guys.” he rasped desperately, “I hate to put a break on things but we need to figure out logistics before I can’t.”

“What’s it?” Emma looked up at him confused. 

“I can’t keep going with the two of you like this or I’m gonna come.”

“Okay…?” Emma didn’t look any less confused and Bucky felt like a heel.

“Which is fine. But I was really hoping I’d be able to do that somewhere other than your hand. If you wanted to. If not, that’s fine too.”

“Oh.” she murmured as it dawned on her what he wanted, “Yes. Please yes. I want that too. And Steve too. Please?” 

“Good, I’m glad darlin’. Real glad. I have a pack of rubbers in the nightstand if you could grab them, Stevie?”

“I have an IUD.” Emma blurted out, both men now looking at her confused. “I can’t get pregnant. And I haven’t been with anyone in ages so you don’t have to worry about any of that either so… if we wanted to, we could…” 

“Oh darlin’.” Bucky shuddered, “You want us to come inside you? Fill you up with both of us?”

Emma heaved a breath, turned on by his words until her brain threatened to abandon her. “Yes.” she managed weakly. 

“You going first or second Stevie?” Bucky grit out, still on edge. 

Steve chuckled at Bucky’s solicitousness despite being so close. “You go ahead, Buck.” 

Bucky looked at Emma, needing to be sure. “You good? We can stop at any point.” 

Emma rolled her eyes and took his face between her hands, “Just get inside me, Barnes.”

“Yes, ma’am.” he grinned and slipped a hand down to graze the delicate nest of curls between her legs before dipping a finger between her folds. “So wet, darlin’.” he groaned as he spread the dampness around her slit giving his thumb an easier glide over her clit. 

Emma trembled in Steve’s arms, “Please, Buck, please.” she pleaded.

“Just makin’ sure you’re ready for me.”  he knew she was, but he loved watching her get worked up. She had both of them worked up the whole time, it was time she got to her edge as well. Bucky was merciful though and only made a few gentle flicks around her clit until he helped her move to get comfortable on the bed. Steve reluctantly let her go, laying right next to her as Bucky pulled her hips up and sank himself inside her. Emma gasped at the stretch of him. She had expected to feel full but he was burning hot and heavy inside her as he let her adjust to his size. She was thankful for that moment before he started moving because once he did it was like a live wire was dancing through her veins. She could barely catch her breath as he found his rhythm, the sensation almost too pleasurable. Emma had expected it would be like this with Bucky; raw, desperate, almost crazed. It was perfect. Her hands gripped into his shoulders, one metal and one flesh, for support. 

Now that he was steadily moving, Bucky was able move a hand back down to toy with her sensitive nub again, wanting to feel her come around him before he lost control. It didn’t take much, Emma was already close just from the drag of his dick across the sensitive spot on her inner walls. Emma clung to him, keening in between gasps of yes, yes, yes, as his fingers rolled her cilt until she cried out a garbled prayer mixed with his name. The orgasm overtook her like a tidal wave, everything going blank and then crashing down around her. It lingered, her body still keyed up from his thrusts, until she was just making small gasps in rhythm with his motions. 

Bucky wanted to keep going. He would have happily spent eternity inside of her, but the moment she clamped down around him and came, he knew he was running on borrowed time. The pulsing of her inner walls around his dick had Bucky tensing and spilling inside her after only a half dozen more thrusts. An almost feral moan burst from his chest as it heaved with the labored effort of his breathing. The tips of his long hair danced across the peaks of her breasts and he admired the contrast of the chocolate brown strands against her pale skin. Once his breathing had slowed down a bit, and hers as well, he shifted himself off of her, pulling her as he went so he could have a moment to hold her before he had to relinquish her to Steve. 

Steve had to remember to keep his jaw closed watching his lovers lose themselves to one another. It was one of the most erotic things he had ever seen in his life. Emma was so expressive and the way she just let herself go in the moment was stunning. Steve couldn’t wait to have her himself, as long as she was okay with it. He knew how worn out he felt after going a round with Bucky and would understand if she needed a break. Steve watched as Bucky stroked her long hair and down her back. He knew the look on his lovers face well, he was completely gone on Emma whether he realized it yet or not. It was sweet to see him show such tenderness and care for her, she absolutely deserved it and Steve was thankful. He reached out tentatively, running a hand along her arm just for the simple joy of connecting to them as they basked in the afterglow. Emma looked over at Steve with a heartbreakingly sad expression and he felt guilty for interrupting them. He pulled his hand back but Emma took it in her own, shuffling away from Bucky after giving him one last quick kiss.

“Steve.” Emma’s voice wavered, “Oh baby, I’m so sorry. We just let you lie there while we had all the fun” 

Steve shook his head once he understood what had upset her, “It’s okay. I’m okay.” he assured her, “I loved watching you two. You were amazing. I was perfectly fine the whole time.”

“Promise?” she was still unsure, stroking her thumb along the side of his face looking for any signs of unhappiness. 

“I promise, doll. And if we have to wait for another time, that’s okay too. I know what it’s like after that one has his way with you.” 

Emma’s eyebrows shot up, “Oh, so you…”

“We switch. Both of us enjoy each other either way.”

Emma let out a desperate throaty noise.

“What? You want to watch Buck and I sometime?” 

She swallowed harshly while she nodded. 

Steve chuckled, “We’ll have to do that sometime then. Maybe we can all join in? Get me in you, and him in me all at the same time.”

Emma whimpered. She couldn’t even think about that too hard without losing her mind a little. 

“So,” Steve prompted gently, “Do you want to wait? Or?” 

Emma’s brain caught up and she shook her head frantically, “No! I don’t want to wait. I still want you too.”

Steve’s face split into a grin as he leaned into press a series of little kisses to her lips and neck. Her skin was so soft and sweet, he was already half hard having watched them but his cock was interested again within seconds of kissing her. Steve made himself take his time, showering her breasts with kisses, really letting himself go slow and enjoy her. There was no hurry except the simmering thrum of desire in both of them. Steve was careful when he reached down to cup her sex in hand, wanting to feel how perfectly she fit in his palm. He couldn’t resist slipping a finger along her folds, she was slick from her own orgasm and Bucky’s and there was something overwhelming about that to Steve. He choked out a groan as he withdrew his hand. Emma had been running her hands across his chest and back, enjoying the feel of him above her and she stilled when she realized he was moving into position. 

“If you need me to stop it’s okay.” he warned her. 

She nodded her understanding, wondering for a moment if maybe being fucked twice was going to be a bit too much. Especially when both men were quite a bit above average. But when Steve slipped himself inside of her, it was absolutely perfect. It felt like ages as he slowly pushed further and further in until he bottomed out, pressed fully inside her. Emma found herself writhing against the sensation of a very different type of fullness, equally exquisite as it had been with Bucky. 

Steve was gentle, knowing she was already sensitized. It also ensured his asthma wouldn’t take the opportunity to flare up. It had only happened once but he was lucky Bucky would even go near him for a week afterwards he’d been so distressed about Steve’s well being. Gentle and slow was perfect for them both though. It gave Steve a chance to sprinkle kisses across every inch of Emma his lips could reach and let Emma take her time caressing him with reverent hands. Steve shifted up a little, his knees starting to slip and the change in positions allowed his cock to hit a spot that had Emma crying out against his shoulder. 

Emma felt like her body was going to shatter. She hadn’t even known the spot Steve was hitting had existed. She had found her g spot before, and god knew Bucky’s dick had found it earlier too, but this was just more. The head of Steve’s cock nudged against it with every thrust and she almost giggled thinking of it as unexplored territory. “So good.” she gasped out to him and Steve’s whole body shook under her praise. It was just the nudge his body needed to lose control and Steve came with a gasp, spilling inside her. Emma felt his cock throb right before he came and then the hot rush filling her up. It was exactly what she wanted and the heady mix of pleasure had her crying out his name as she found her second release of the night. 

Steve collapsed partially on top of her, supporting himself on trembling arms to keep most of his weight off of her even as his body pressed against hers. Emma reached up to card her fingers through his shaggy blonde hair, then leaned to press a soft kiss to the tip of his nose. He was amazing and Emma thanked whatever god was listening for letting her have him in her life. She wrapped her arms around his back, wanting him to stay put and lean on her more. She liked being underneath him, only slightly squished feeling. They traded soft kisses playfully, their own little bubble of afterglow consuming them. Eventually they looked over at Bucky, still laying entwined, neither one willing to move quite yet. 

“Beautiful.” Bucky whispered reverently, “Both of you. Absolutely beautiful.” He leaned over, taking turns kissing them both. Eventually Steve tugged on his hand so that he moved over to press himself up against the two of them and they spent what felt like hours just kissing and touching each other as they all came back down from their highs. They would have stayed put longer but Steve had softened and slipped out of Emma and she could feel a slick trail dripping down her thigh. 

“I should go clean up.” she told them with a reluctant half smile. 

Both men groaned but let her up from their tangled limbs. Emma took her time in the bathroom, delicately cleaning her tender skin. She was sore but pleased with herself that she had been able to keep up with both of them. It had been an experience, that was for sure. A few times she had to shake herself a little to bring her wandering mind back to the task at hand. She stared at her reflection in surprise as she washed her hands in the sink. The mirror expanded from the base of the counter top, up almost the ceiling and she was able to see her body from the hips up. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes glassy. The long waves of her firery auburn hair had become tangled curls, blatantly sex mussed as it fell around her shoulders. The skin along her neck and chest was pink, faintly scraped from the rasp of Bucky’s beard and her nipples were still pebbled. It had been a long time since she’d had a lover, and even longer still since she’d had one that blew her mind so completely. She looked absolutely, thoroughly fucked and she smiled at her reflection amused by the state of herself. 

Emma returned to the bedroom to find Bucky and Steve working together to make the bed. They’d changed the sheets and were just spreading the fluffy, grey duvet over the bed again. Both men wore expressions of bashful pride as they got a look at her. They grinned at each other after a moment and all three of them laughed lightly as she crossed the room letting them wrap her up in a three way hug. “Bed” Bucky commanded, planting firm kisses on her forehead and then Steve’s. They climbed in, assuming the same positions they had been in originally with Emma in the middle. This time though, it was chaste kisses and soothing hands between them as they basked in the comfortable warmth of their bodies and drifted off to sleep at last.

Update! If you’d like to read a scene that was hinted at in this chapter, check out A Sort of Anniversary! 

Tag list lovelies: @godofplumsandthunder​ @remilupin22​ @supraveng​ @hiddles-rose​

If anyone wants added or removed please lmk!

[quickreaver]

Kripke speaks!

So last weekend I dragged my long-suffering husband to Toledo, Ohio to visit their absolutely amazing art museum (seriously, if you get a chance, visit it; it's stunningly good), but also, because hometown boy Eric Kripke was giving a talk there. A free talk. Two hours from me. I was excite! 

Okay, so … Toledo. First time I've actually been in the city, vs. just driving past. It's a ramshackle area, but to explore it is to reveal, in some small way, where Kripke and SPN came from. Smallish and hanging on by its fingernails, Toledo squats like an old cemetery in the shadows of the huge BP Oil refinery. If you head north, you hit Lake Eerie, which—this time of year—isn't awful. If you head south, you're in the middle of nowhere. Every other building seems to be derelict. Toledo's 'historic homes' district is chock full of Victorian painted ladies that have seen far better days, the colors peeling and the yards weedy, but they're still some of the most gingerbreaded, neo-Gothic delights I've seen in a long time.

( (The stupid watermark-like blur is the back of my phone. Should've rolled down the window, duh.)

The industry in town is the aforementioned oil refinery, glass factories, the University of Toledo and a whiff of tourism. So you end up with this strange amalgam of artiness, decay, and working class valor. I dig it. It's very early-season's SPN. I totally get where Kripke was coming from.

(A supposedly haunted building in downtown Toledo, the Pythian Castle.)

Kripke himself is an unassuming, warm, funny guy. The first few rows in the museum's auditorium were reserved for his family and friends, including past grade-school teachers. The majority of the audience was SPN fans, quite obviously, and not young ones either. It was a mix of ages, but far and away the crowd skewed older. If anyone yaks on about fandom only being for the young, or that the future of the SPN fandom is the 16-24 year olds, don't believe them. I did a bit of a live-tweet of his SPN-topical points, which I won't repeat here but you can hit my twitter and follow the #KripkeSpeaks tag for the highlights: https://twitter.com/hashtag/kripkespeaks?f=tweets&vertical=default&src=hash Lemme see if I can distill the talk down to a few points here, though. He worked very, very hard to get where he's at, and that hard work—regardless of failure—is what opened a lot of doors. That tenacious Midwest work ethic. No matter how small the job, he did it 200%. He slept on floors, he made huge mistakes, he kept his eyes open for serendipitous forks in the road. You've got to have a freight train mentality, but never … never … think you've got it mastered. Lean into the fear. There were two sticking points in his tenure with SPN that he was ready to quit over: when the WB (the CW's predecessor) wanted to ax the classic rock soundtrack, and in one of the episodes (he didn't specify which one), there was a flashback to young Sam and Dean, and the network didn't want to do it. Kripke simply said, “Then I quit.” And he meant it. “You've gotta mean it, or you have no bargaining chip.” Needless to say, the network caved. But he would've walked over either of those situations if the network hadn't conceded. Kripke always loved comedy, and wrote comedy script after comedy script, to no real avail. But he was getting recognized as someone who did solid work. He was a writer's assistant or some such lower level employee when they needed someone to write a script in a pinch. It was horror, but Kripke shrugged and said “What the hell, I'll do it!” It succeeded far better than any of his comedies. He'd been dreaming and fine-tuning his SPN idea for years, and that horror script got him in front of some big names, finally. They didn't like the idea of the heroes being reporters—it felt like a rehashed “Kolchak, the Night Stalker” to them—but then on the fly, he made the leads brothers. In a muscle car. He plucked inspiration from his Toledo childhood. And the big names perked right up. (The stuff he offered “on the fly” had been notes he'd scribbled in the margins of his script. Never let those gems go; you never know when they'll come in handy!) For me, the biggest take-away was “Show me a confident writer, and I'll show you a bad one.” Now, this doesn't mean that you shouldn't know your worth, that you shouldn't love what you do. Plow forward like a freight train, do your very best work, but never stop learning. If think you're the hottest thing since the Pet Rock, well … whatever happened to those Pet Rocks, anyways? When someone crows too loudly about their own expertise, their own authority, they've likely stopped learning. You miss so many opportunities if you think there's only one way to do things. His next TV adventure, Revolution,, was very stressful and fraught with challenges, but he still did his damnedest to make it succeed. When it got canceled, though, he wasn't disappointed. Timeless was far more of a joy to create. That one, he was sad to see go. Then he showed the trailer for his newest show (to be available on Amazon Prime) and it looks sooooo good. The Boys. He's working with the gang that developed Preacher, and sounds like it has that same iconoclastic, dark-humored vibe. YUM. So Kripke gets to exercise his comedy chops after all! (Though, really, SPN had some fantastic comedy moments too. Who says the horror genre has to take itself so seriously?) He took a handful of questions afterwards, during which he revealed he'd love to participate in the last season/episode if his contract will allow. TULPA THIS SHIT, Y'ALL. I had to split at that point because my husband had been patient enough and I was getting hangry and itching to see the museum, but Kripke hung around for autographs. Like the good egg he is. The industry needs more writers like Kripke. I enjoyed the heck out of Toledo, and him.

[emotionally-imbruised]

These Words Are My Heart and Soul

A/N: Hello, everyone. A couple days ago I posted about a concept idea that was inspired by the last scene in Season 1, Episode 7 of Gossip Girl (hence the gif above.) The episode is called Victor, Victrola... and ends with Chuck and Blair in the back of a limo as they drive home. They slowly inch closer and start making out while With Me by Sum 41 plays, and ugh what a mood.

“I forget,” you speak into your cell phone, as you walk over to the large window, and open up the curtains to allow sunlight to fill your hotel room. People bustle around the streets of New York City below, and you internally groan as you think about having to join the crowds in the upcoming hours of the day. “Did I agree to go to this thing? Because I don’t think I did, but yet here you are guilting me into going anyways.”

“Oh get over yourself,” Harry Styles; your best friend in the entire world, says to you from the other end of the call. “It’s the Met Gala, Y/N. You’re literally the only person in the world I can think of that wouldn’t want to go to an event like this with me.”

“Yeah I’d rather go with Gemma if I'm honest,” you pester, smirking to yourself. 

“Best friend of the year, you are,” he grumbles, and you can’t help but laugh at him. This is how the majority of your’s and Harry’s conversations go, but you wouldn’t trade it for a thing. The two of you have been best friends for years now, dating back to when he was still in One Direction. It took a little bit for your friendship to develop, but when it did you quickly became inseparable, and everyone had to deal with what that entailed. His friends and family were quick taking you in as one of them, and your family leaves a seat open for him every year at Christmas... It’s a good system. 

“Yeah, and don’t you forget it,” you tell him, and can just imagine the sight of him rolling his eyes at you. “But for real though, H. Isn’t this some super A-List event? You know I don’t belong in someplace like that.”

“Well that’s unfortunate for you because I already have a second ticket for you as m’date,” he explains.

“Oh, how kind of you,” you reply, sarcastically. “And unfortunately for you, I don’t have anything fancy to wear. Welp looks like I can’t go... What a shame.”

“You’re actually the worst,” he states between chuckles, as you plop down back onto your bed. “You really don’t want to go, do you?”

“What gave it away?” You ask and hear what you think is him smacking his hand to his forehead.

“Nothing at all,” he replies monotonously. “Hate to break it to you though, love, but there’s a dress in your hotel room closet for you to wear tonight. It’s your size, should fit like a glove; maybe go out and buy some nice heels for it though. Someone is coming to do your hair and makeup at 5pm, and a car will be there at 6:30pm to bring you to The Met.”

“Uh, pardon?” You demand and march over to the closet. You open it up, and sure enough, a beautiful burgundy coloured designer gown hangs there. “Harry, are you joking? I-I can’t wear that. Oh my god, this thing must’ve cost a fortune.”

“It doesn't matter what it cost,” he says. “I’ve got some ties in with Gucci, you know this.”

“Doesn’t defeat the purpose!” You exclaim and dramatically throw your free hand up into the air.

“Hmm you seem upset,” he points out obliviously, causing you to groan. “Well I mean, you do get a bit hangry in the morning. Maybe you should go get some breakfast.”

“Harry,” you speak up, trying to get yourself out of this.

“And then you can go buy your shoes,” he continues. “But make sure they’re comfy, you’ll be wearing them all night.”

“Harry,” you respond again, but it’s no use. 

“Then just go back to your hotel and get ready,” he rambles. “I won’t see you until tonight but-.”

“HARRY!” You yell this time, and he finally shuts up. “I still don’t want to go.”

“Will you go for me?” He asks, and you can hear the pout in his voice. Why must he do that? He knows it always works on you.

“I don't know, I-,” you start hesitantly, but he’s quick to cut you off.

“Sounds great. Thanks, Y/N, I’ll see you there. Love you, bye,” he spurts out quickly and ends the call. 

The line goes dead, and you just listen to it for a few seconds; pursing your lips at the noise. You let out a huff and hang up the phone, before tossing it onto the bed. “Guess I don’t really have a choice now, do I?” You ask aloud, and it takes a moment to realize that you’re talking to yourself. You shake your head at yourself and make your way to the washroom so you can shower and get ready for the day. 

A couple of hours pass, and you find yourself staring at your reflection in the full-length mirror in your hotel room. Harry was right, this dress fits you perfectly, and you’re even more mad at him because now you don’t want to take it off. 

The shiny, sexy heels, as well as the simple black cutch you went out and bought at a small shop near Central Park, look fantastic with the dress, and you’re feeling pretty good about how you look. You do one final twirl, but stop when a knock sounds at the door, and go to answer it. You’re met by two people on the other side of it, a man and woman, who greet you excitedly; telling you, Harry sent them to get you ready for tonight.

The two get straight to work, and an hour and a half later you’re all ready to go. You wave the two goodbye, thanking them both, before looking at yourself in the mirror once again. Your hair is in simple, yet elegant waves; and your makeup emphasizes your eyes, all while complimenting the dress... You look absolutely stunning, to say the least. 

You pick up your phone to see that it is nearing 6:30pm and realize you need to head downstairs now. With one final glance at yourself, you grab your phone, lipstick, and hotel room keycard; stuffing them into your clutch as you exit the room, and scurry to the elevator. 

The elevator doors ding open, and you catch the attention of other hotel guests with how dressed up you are. You look around for someone who may have a clue as to which car waiting outside is your ride, until a voice speaks up from behind you. “Miss Y/L/N?” It asks, and you turn around to face a man; nodding at him. “I’m your driver. Mr. Styles requested that we are leaving as soon as possible, so we arrive near the same time he does.” You don’t say anything, but nod in agreement, and let him lead you to the all-black car waiting outside.

Not long after, you’re still sat in the car as it waits to drop you off at the beginning of the red carpet leading up The Met’s iconic stairs. You sent Harry a text asking where he was, but he unsurprisingly didn't answer. The line of cars ahead of you get shorter and shorter until the limo directly in front of you reaches the carpet. 

You lean against the tinted window a little bit and watch as someone walks up, and opens the door. A rush of excitement hits you as you prepare to see which celebrity it is about to walk the red carpet, and your jaw drops when you know who it is. Harry steps out of the limo in a black designer suit, looking absolutely fabulous. The suit looks so good on him in every aspect, and you can’t stop your eyes from wandering down to his butt; which looks really good. You shake your head at the thought and feel odd, this is your best friend... It’s weird thinking of him that way.

Harry steps away from the limo as the person shuts the door behind him, and poses for the cameras. You become entranced by watching him and don’t realize that your car has moved forward until you’re directly behind him. It doesn’t sink in what’s happening until he turns around and opens the car door to greet you.

“Hey bub,” he smirks as he holds his hand out for you to take. You shake your head as a smile creeps across your features, and take his hand; so he can help you out of the car. You step onto the carpet, and soon, everyone is buzzing. You’ve starred in some media headlines throughout your friendship with Harry, but you’ve never seen anyone react like this when seeing the two of you together. Harry links your hand with his and leads you up the carpet as people start calling out for pictures. You both stop and pose for the insane amount of blinding flashes that emit from the different cameras, and you start feeling a bit nervous. As if picking up on how tense you’re getting; Harry, let’s go of your hand, and slowly wraps his arm around your waist. He pulls you closer to him, and leans down to whisper in your ear. “You look incredible by the way, Y/N.”

You feel a blush coming on strong as he says this, and moves away slightly. Your eyes gaze up to him, and you smile in thanks before nudging him with your arm slightly. He chuckles and grabs ahold of your hand again, so you can make your way up the stairs and into the event.

For the duration of the entire Met Gala, you stay with Harry; sipping on the champagne that’s being passed around, and trying not to seem like an awestruck idiot when other celebrities greet your best friend. The nerves you get from being around, so many famous and influential people are hard to avoid, no matter how nice they are when saying hi or chatting with you as well. Harry either keeps his hand linked with yours, his arm protectively around you waist, or even his hand on your knee while you’s are seated the entire time... And you don’t complain.

This 100% is not your scene, but you’re glad you got to experience something so extravagant with your best friend by your side and were thankful by how inclusive he was with you being there. 

By the end of the event, the two of you have just finished off another glass of champagne, and are more than ready to go home. Neither of you is tipsy by any means, but the alcohol definitely helped with calming your nerves that developed from being there. 

Harry takes your hand once again, and you walk down the steps towards the awaiting limo; not stopping for pictures this time. He opens the door for you again and goes around to get in on the other side before the driver takes off.

The two of you sit in comfortable silence as you make your way through downtown Manhattan, and Harry soon speaks up. “Did you have fun?” He asks, and you move your gaze from the window to his beautiful green eyes.

“I did,” you tell him with a smile. “Mainly because of you. Thank you for inviting me, H.”

“Anytime love,” he replies. “I enjoy taking you out.” You continue smiling to yourself as you lean back against the seat tiredly, and he does the same. 

“Thanks for driving me back to the hotel,” you add, and glance at him sideways.

He goes to respond, but stops and looks at you thoughtfully. “...You were, amazing tonight,” he starts. “Just like you always are.” You don’t know what to say as your heart feels as if it could burst, as well as the feeling as if magnets are trying to push the two of you together. You mindlessly scoot closer to him, as he leans in and your lips brush slightly. The two of you pull back a little bit and pause before he breaks the silence again. “You sure?”

So many thoughts run through your mind, screaming at you not to do this. But they become irrelevant as you look Harry in the eyes, and move closer; shutting them once your lips connect.

The kiss starts off as simple but soon gets heated, and you’re both craving to be closer to the on another. Harry's arms wrap around your waist once again, as he pulls you onto his lap, and you straddle him; deepening the kiss, and allowing his tongue to have full access to your mouth. His wandering hands bunch your dress, and your fists tangle themselves into his shaggy curls; gripping and pulling. He moves his hands up your back and begins leaning closer to you so he can lower you gently onto the seat. Not once does he break the kiss as he finds the zipper on the side of your dress, and starts unzipping it. You let him do this, and shiver slightly at the breezes hitting your exposed skin. He chuckles against your lips, and you just pull him in closer; also using him as warmth. 

You’s continue making out as he works on your dress, but are suddenly interrupted by the sound of the divider separating the front and back of the limo, lowering, and the limo driver speaking up. “So sorry to intrude,” he starts and tries his best to avoid making eye contact with the two of you. “But what was the name of the hotel Y/N is staying at?”

The blush of embarrassment covering your face is evident as you make a move to sit up straight again. Harry moves as well and helps you up as you use your other arm to keep the unzipped dress from exposing your chest. “Uh, it’s,-” you stammer and look to Harry.

His gaze softens once it meets yours, and his eyes seem to light up as if an idea just sprang to his mind. “Actually, change of plans,” he begins to explain to the driver. He looks at you, and you just look back completely confused. “Just take us back to my place, please.”

The driver nods and doesn’t say a word as he closes the divider again; leaving just you and Harry. You look to him and smirk, picking up on what he was doing. He watches you, awaiting some type of protest from you; but is caught off guard when you grab ahold of his shirt and move to straddle his waist again. You let your dress fall lose this time, and his eyes wander to your bra covered chest. He looks back to your eyes, and you crash you lips to his once again... Starting off what’s bound to be an exciting night between two best friends. 

[caranfindel]

Recap/review 14.11: “Damaged Goods”

THEN: Oh, good, we're going to have a Nick episode. I was hoping for that. (NOT.) Michael is trapped in Dean's internal walk-in. Billie has bad news related to that.

NOW: Nick interrogates a demon about another demon named Abraxis. The name sounds a little familiar and I waste a few seconds wondering where I've heard it before, but then I realize it's the demon who killed Nick's family and this has been Nick's entire focus and that's how little I care about Nick and his quest, that I couldn't even bother to remember who he was after. Anyway, he learns that the hunter who last dealt with Abraxis is in Hibbing. Oooh, who else do we know in Hibbing?

Title card!

Dean is packing. Books about angels. Tools. Work gloves. I was a little afraid we were going to ignore last week's horrifying revelation, and Dean would just sit on that information for a while. But he's wearing his Red Shirt of Bad Decisions, so we know the shit is going down tonight! \o/

He leaves the storeroom and kind of looks down the hallway, which is really insignificant the first time you watch this episode, but on rewatch you realize what he's thinking right here, and that he doesn't ever expect to see this hallway again... but I'm getting ahead of myself. He goes into the library, where Sam is quietly studying in the darkness (is that a new shirt? I like it). He ignores it when Sam asks how he's feeling. Dean tells Sam he appreciates that he's trying to help him, and Sam's all, yeah, what else would I do? He asks if Dean wants to join him, and they have this conversation.

Actually, I thought I'd go for a drive, you know, just me and Baby, long stretch of road. And figured I'd make it a two-fer, go see Mom at Donna's cabin.

Yeah, yeah, that sounds great. Be good to see them. Just let me find a stopping point and get packed up.

Actually, I was, uh, I was kind of hoping for some one-on-one time with Mom, if that's cool.

Yeah. Sure, yeah. Whatever you need.

And I thought this conversation was going to break my heart, because Sam clearly does NOT think this trip sounds great, but he's going to go anyway because it's what Dean wants/needs to do, and then Dean rejects that, and Sam's little face is going to do me in. And on rewatch, it kind of seems like Dean is stalling here, like he can't bring himself to leave (but again, I'm getting ahead of myself) AND THEN THIS HAPPENS.

Dean comes around behind Sam and HUGS HIM and says "take care, Sammy" and I'm just WHAAAAT. NO THIS IS NOT RIGHT. THIS IS SUCH A BAD, BAD SIGN, SAM WINCHESTER, AND YOU KNOW IT.

And also, there goes the rest of my heart.

Cut to Mary at the aforementioned cabin, talking to Sam on the phone. She says the cabin's been quiet since Bobby took off for a few days. The old "I need a little space after killing the ghoul version of my dead son" thing. Happens to the best of us. Sam tells her he's worried because Dean's acting so weird, and mentions the hug. Mary says "that's sweet," proving that she doesn't know her sons at all. Really, Mary, you've witnessed ONE hug between them. ONE. Sam points out that they don't hug unless it's "literally the end of the world," which isn't quite true. It would be more accurate to say "unless one of us is dying or just came back from the dead," which is slightly more frequent than the end of the world Either way, Mary assures him that everything will be fine. But as Sam's talking to her, he's walking through the storerooms in the bunker and he sees some books are missing.

(Sidebar: Why are these books kept in the storeroom and not the library? And why are regular tools apparently kept with supernatural paraphernalia? Couldn't that cause problems? What if a MoL novice was sent to Storeroom 2 for a reciprocating saw and he couldn't figure out why a saw would reciprocate or what that would look like and he came back with something he dug out of a curse box instead? I'm seeing all kinds of potential OSHA violations here.)

Now we see Dean enjoying a messy burger. Oh, he's with Donna! I love Dean and Donna, y'all. She tries to ask him about himself, but he keeps deflecting. Which doesn't fool her at all, and she finally says "just wondering if you've run out of ways to ask me how I'm doing, so as to avoid me repaying the favor." She knows about Michael, because of Sam. "What, has he got a freaking newsletter," Dean grumps. But I'm glad to see Sam's been talking to his support system, because in the past, he's not done that as often as he should.

Dean ends the conversation with the typical "I'm fine" nonsense and gives Donna one of those big hugs where he looks absolutely stricken while she can't see him and then plasters on a smile when they pull apart, and you KNOW how I love when he does that. He pulls away and says "I'll see ya." But it's pretty obvious Dean is on his farewell tour and never intends to see Donna again. It's also pretty obvious that Donna can tell something is up.

Dean pulls up to the cabin, which is seriously in need of some work on the roof, and immediately hears gunshots. It turns out to be Mary murdering some pumpkins for target practice. (SHE'S STILL GOT THAT LOCK OF TOO-LONG HAIR.) He tells her he wants to stick around for a couple of days, which surprises her. She suggests they call Sam to join them, but he says he wants to be "a little greedy with my Mom time." No, Dean, that's not suspicious at all. Jesus. (Or, as someone pointed out, Sorry Sam, but Mom was MY gift.)

Mary pushes it, and Dean comes right out and says "I don't want Sam here," and again, Dean, that's not suspicious at all. How is someone who lies professionally such a BAD liar? He explains his mood away by claiming to be hangry, even though he just finished the best burger in all of Minnesota, and tells Mary he wants the one thing she can cook, something called Winchester Surprise. She heads out to the grocery store, and doesn't suggest that the son who drove all this way to see her would want to ride along. Or maybe she does, and he refuses, and they just didn't show us that part. Anyway, the important thing is, Dean's alone and he has work to do.

He gets his bag out of the Impala and strides purposely into a large shed decorated with pictures of topless guys with 70s porn 'staches. The first one reminds me a LOT of Doug 2.0, so I laugh when Dean says "Well, Donna certainly has a type." Yes she does. He finds an 8-track player, of all things, but is interrupted by a sudden burst of Michael banging on his door. The tape he chooses is the Guess Who, and the song is "No Time Left For You," which I've never liked (lots of experience with 70s music here, kiddos) but it seems appropriate. And then he gets to work, and if you thought Sam soldering last week was hot, you're in for a treat. Let's forget our annoyance with the soundtrack and concentrate on how much we appreciate Metalworking!Dean, complete with welding helmet and safety goggles, under the watchful eyes of several shirtless moustachioed cowboys.

Mmmm, yes, we do appreciate it.

(Sidebar: Where did all this metal come from?)

Meanwhile, at the grocery store, we get a fake-out where we think someone threatening is accosting Mary, but it's only a friendly employee. And we also see that Mary puts her grocery bags in the bed of her truck? So not only does she not know how to cook, but she doesn't even know where to PUT FOOD? I.e., IN THE CAB?

He says buying food is new for her, because she usually buys whiskey, pumpkins, and crossword puzzles. Damn, Mary, it really seems like things aren't going well out there at the Love Shack if you're spending all day drinking, shooting pumpkins, and doing crossword puzzles. I'm gonna go ahead and call it - Mobby is doomed. She tells him she has family in town, which I expect to turn into the inevitable oh no, this guy is a demon and now he knows Dean is there.

But I'm exactly wrong. Nick pulls up in the creepiest windowless van possible and asks the guy if he knows where Mary Winchester is. Because why wouldn't he? Why wouldn't Random Grocery Store Guy know where everyone in Hibbing Minnesota, population 16,361, resident or guest, lives? Random Grocery Store Guy pretends he doesn't know who she is. Good for him.

(BTW, the fastest route from Lebanon to Hibbing is about 12.5 hours. But it's all interstate and I suspect either Winchester would take the route that uses more state highways and is 13.5 hours.)

(Sidebar: Yes, when I open Mapquest, Lebanon is always in my Recents. Is that not normal?)

Apparently Nick decides he'll just cruise the greater Hibbing area and try to find her, because we seem him after nightfall driving his creepy van. A police car drives by, and then turns around and pulls him over. He makes sure his stolen angel blade is in place and hides a paperclip somewhere on his person before the officer gets to him. Oooh, it's Donna!

She cuffs him and tells him the van's been reported stolen, but she also reveals she knows he's looking for Mary, and don't like the way she lays all her cards on the table like that. Let him think you're just arresting him for a stolen car, Donna. Don't let him know you're onto his Grand Scheme. He says his name is "Nunya" and then "Eat Me" (oooh, is he related to the Eat Me Sam met a few seasons ago?), but she's got some kind of mobile fingerprint scanner. Does this thing exist? She discovers who he is, but while her back is turned, he uses his paperclip to get out of the cuffs. They fight, and she seems to have the upper hand, but he gets her taser and that's the end of that.

Love Shack. When Mary pulls up, Dean is outside by the door to the Shed of Mysterious Building. He lies about what he's doing out there and carries the groceries inside, to where the table is set and he wants to help her cook (THIS IS NOT OKAY) and she FINALLY realizes something is up. (Also, Dean, we know you're not a terrible cook. Don't lie just to make your mom feel better.) She quietly talks to Sam from upstairs (though not quietly enough, Dean totally would have heard her in the real world) and agrees that something is going on. Sam tells her about the missing items and says he thinks he should come up, but she says to give her more time. WHY, MARY. WHY DO YOU THINK YOU ARE THE PERSON TO ADDRESS THIS AND NOT SAM. WHY DO YOU INSIST ON KEEPING HIM 13.5 HOURS AWAY. WHY. It doesn't matter, because when Sam hangs up, we see he's already on his way. YES. THAT'S MY BOY.

Dinner. Dean tells a funny/tragic story about their childhood and Mary gets a case of The Sads, realizing how much she's missed and "how much the two of you just..." Just everything, Mary. They just EVERYTHING. Together. Without John, without you. AND STILL YOU THINK SAM SHOULD SIT IN THE BUNKER AND LET YOU HANDLE THIS. DAMMIT, MARY.

Anyway. Dean says her being alive has meant "everything to me, and everything to Sam." He claims to appreciate this wonderful time they're having, but he falters when he says "there's no clouds on the horizon." Because it's a LIE. She tells him he can talk to her about whatever he's going through, and he says "Everybody keeps asking me how I am. And how I am, is I don't want to talk about it. Please."

Oh lord, his face.

Later, as he snores gently on the couch, we see Mary tiptoe downstairs and outside, to check out what's happening in the Shed of Mysterious Building. (Sidebar: Dean sleeps with one arm flung behind his back, which I think we first saw in No Escape, and I always thought it was an odd and fake-looking way to sleep until I realized I actually do that sometimes myself.) She looks through the books and things and figures out what he's doing and it must be bad because she says "no, no, no." Meanwhile, Donna is waking up inside her own cruiser. I wonder why Nick left her alive?

Dean wakes up to the sound of a ringing phone. It's not his, it's Mary's. Donna is calling to warn him about Nick. But it's too late, because when Dean goes outside, Mary isn't there. But Sam is. "Hey, whoa, easy!" he says, facing down Dean's gun, and that tickles me for some reason.

Creepy van. Nick whines to Mary. He found email from Mary in Donna's phone, giving the address of the Love Shack. He thinks Mary knows where Abraxis is. She does - the demon is trapped inside an Enochian puzzle box in a storage locker, locately conveniently in or near Hibbing. I don't care about any of this.

At the Love Shack, Sam blames himself for Nick running around like a free madman, because of course he does. Donna's APB gets a result - the creepy van has been spotted outside Grand Rapids. Donna says that's 30-40 minutes away, but Grand Rapids is actually 11.5 hours away from Hibbing. Maybe there's a little town called Grand Rapids near Hibbing. A town so small that Mapquest doesn't even know about it.

(I KNOW. NO ONE CARES. MOVING ON.)

Nick gets the Enochian puzzle box (yeah, this scene goes on FOREVER and I'm skipping a lot here, is anyone complaining? nope didn't think so) and wants to release the demon so they can talk. Mary points out that the demon needs a host to talk, and it can't be Nick and it can't be her, and she flashes an anti-possession tattoo as explanation. So drills the box open and Nick forces the storage locker employee to be the host. Abraxis says he'll tell Nick why they killed his family if he kills Mary slow and bloody.

While this is happening, we see Sam and Dean on that 30 minute/11.5 hour drive to Grand Rapids. Sam looks despondent, and they have this conversation:

Say it. I can see you want to. Might as well go ahead and say it.

All right. Nick is not a project. He's not a freaking puppy. He was Lucifer's vessel for years.

I know that, Dean, I thought -

You thought he'd what, just walk it off? Come on, man, you're not that dumb.

It's not about being dumb, Dean, it's called compassion. Look, what happened to Nick could have happened to me. It almost happened to me. You change one little thing in our past and that WAS me! Lucifer wearing ME to the prom. Besides, since when do we give up on people? Since when do we just cut people loose?

Well, maybe you need to learn, okay? Because when people are past the point of saving, maybe you need to learn to walk away.

Ouch. I hurt for both of them. Poor Sam, seeing himself in Nick and wanting to save that guy the way he wishes someone had wanted to save him. Having faith in Nick's potential the way he wanted someone, anyone, to have faith in his own. And Dean obviously isn't talking about Nick, at least not there at the end, because we've heard it from Dean before, talking about himself. I can't be saved; walk away.

The guys arrive at the storage locker just in time to stop Nick from killing Mary slow and bloody. Nick scratches out the devil's trap that's holding the demon, and Abraxis immediately tosses them around and tells Nick he was chosen completely at random. Damn, Nick is as whiny as Lucifer was. (I wonder who influenced who? Discuss.)

Dean tries to quietly exorcise the demon, but Abraxis flings him against a shelf and we get a flash of skin. But before he can start killing anyone, Nick stabs him with the stolen angel blade. Then Nick acts like he's going to stab the others if they don't let him escape, so Donna shoots him in the leg. Dammit, Donna, this was the perfect opportunity to kill him. He already killed one person, and he was threatening to kill the rest of you. It would have been a clean shoot. Instead, Mary punches the wounded whiny baby and Sam does a wee little version of his glorious post-exertion huff.

Outside, Sam gives Nick a sad, confused look.

Why?

I needed the truth, Sam. I needed revenge for my family. You would have done the same thing.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't help you, I'm sorry I didn't know how.

It's not about you, Sam. It was never about you. You couldn't fix me because I didn't want to be fixed. I was never broken.

Yeah, Nick, you are. I don't feel sorry for you, Nick. I feel sorry for the people you hurt, the people you murdered. The people whose faces will haunt you every night for the rest of your life. You can burn.

FUUUUUCK. That's cold as hell and it's not like Sam Winchester at all and I love it to pieces. He's finally given up on this asshole. But it's finally time to move away from the B plot, and Mary tells Dean she saw what he was building in the shed. She knows what he's building, she knows what he's planning, and the three of them ARE going to talk about it. And if he doesn't tell Sam, she will. So, you finally think Sam's input is important, Mary? Good to know.

When the sun rises, we're back at the Shed of Mysterious Building. Dean is showing Sam what he's done. He calls it something like a "maloch box," which I'm sure is spelled wrong. It looks like a giant coffin (yeah, about that...) Nothing can escape it, not even an archangel. Sam knows what they are but says they're impossible to build, and Dean's all, "not so much." And then they have this conversation and I'm sorry (no I'm not), but I had to transcribe the whole thing.

That's your plan? You want to be buried alive?

Buried's not safe enough. Plan is, pay a little hush money, charter a boat to take me out to the Pacific. Splash.

You and Michael, trapped, together, for eternity.

Yeah.

You do realize how insane this is, right?

It's the only sane play I've got. Michael gets out, that's it for this world. And he will get out.

How do you know that for sure?

Because I do. Because I can feel him, in my head. That door is giving. I can feel it giving.

There has to be another way.

There's not, okay? There's... Sam, you've tried. Cas has tried. Jack. And I love you for trying, but none of it's going to work.

But we don't know that!

Yeah, we do.

What?

Billie. She paid me a little visit. She said that there's only one way that this ends right. And this is it. This, right here. This box. So she gave up the special recipe and all I had to do was the work. It's fate.

Since when do we believe in fate?

Now, Sam. Since now.

So, you came out here, to see Donna, to see Mom, on some what, some sick secret farewell tour? You were gonna leave, and you weren't even gonna tell me. Me. Do you realize how messed up that is? How unfair that is?

I didn't have a choice! Sam, you're the last person I could tell, the last person I could be around, cause you're the only one that could have talked me out of it! And I won't be talked out of it. I won't. I'm doing this. Now you can either let me do it alone, or you could help me. But I'm doing this.

...

All right.

Oh, guys.

Well, I've got to admit, Dean's prophesied horrifying death was a letdown. First, because it wasn't even new - it was basically the same fate Death offered him when he had the MoC. Worse, sure. Being locked in a box with an angry archangel rather than floating in space and having some kind of dream life, never a good option. (ASK SAM. HE KNOWS.) But mostly because it didn't live up to his reaction when he first read Billie's book. I was sure (and I wasn't alone) that his tearful reaction meant it was going to involve something horrible for someone he loves (SAM). But this? The Dean we know would have reacted the way he did when Rowena told him he had to "be the bomb" in order to destroy Amara. Yeah, this sucks, but I always knew it was gonna end ugly, so, whaddya gonna do?

(Sidebar: This brings up an interesting question. I know an angel's vessel is immortal, but would Dean still be immortal even though Michael was trapped inside his head? Would the fact that Michael wasn't in the driver's seat stop him from keeping his vessel alive? Or would the angel's grace do that all on its own?)

But oh, guys. This scene. THIS SCENE. These two. Dean saying I love you for trying. Dean at the beginning, chin up, so defiant, so defensive because this is exactly what he was afraid of - telling Sam, and having to stick to his plan. (He's probably remembering the last time Sam talked him out of this very thing, kneeling on the floor in front of him, agreeing to support the plan for Dean to lock himself up with the Mark of Cain forever, looking up at him with the puppy dog eyes and nodding to accept that Dean has to cut his head off in order to prevent him from undoing that act; or maybe he's not actually remembering that but now I am, goddammit guys, I need a minute.) And Sam realizing that last little hug was Dean's last planned goodbye, and being so angry and so hurt, and the way he looks so young there at the end, when he stops and finally says "all right." I know we've seen this before but IT STILL GETS ME. EVERY DAMN TIME.

(Sidebar: Did Dean leave Sam a note? Is it in the bunker somewhere? Because Sam's last conversation with his father was the old man saying I don't know why we always fight, now go away and his last conversation with his brother would have been I want to go visit Mom without you. Discuss. Fanfic it. Come wail with me about it.)

(Also... Dean's farewell tour didn't include Cas? Jack? Jody?)

Well. Happy 40th birthday, Dean Winchester.

Worst. Birthday. Ever.

So, this episode? Too much Nick. Not enough Sam. Things that did not live up to expectations. But also, things that were wonderfully unexpected. I've seen worse, my friends. What did you think? And please help me stay unspoiled, thanks!

[themiddlelayer]

Unfriending

This is what strength looks like. I unfriended Nomad, Gypsy, and Java Bear on Facebook today. I also removed Nomad, his mom and Java Bear from my ‘favorite’ contacts.

There were also a few others who kept popping up at random who don’t bring any value to my life who I unfriended. In particular, there’s a guy who I was involved with almost 20 years ago, pre-ExH back in Colorado. He would randomly message me to tell me that he was still jerking off to my pictures. Admittedly, there’s a part of me that was a little flattered that after all these years I’m still his fantasy. But a bigger part of me feels objectified and icky. He’s not the only one. ExH requested access to the NSFW drive a few weeks after the quad exploded. MM had removed everyone and everything in the digital world. I still don’t know if MM reinstated ExH’s access.

I have always struggled with boundaries and accepting less than I deserve. I’ve allowed myself to be objectified and have given my time and energy to people who treat me like less than a whole person. I keep telling myself I’m done with being that chick, but until today I’d left that door open for a few people. Fuck that. Hear that sound? That’s the sound of the deadbolt slamming closed.

ExH just got the axe, too. I’m over it.

I have been in therapy for almost 2 months and all of the ‘right now crisis’ has made it so that we can’t even begin to dig into the real stuff. I’m not okay with that. I don’t have therapy for the next 3 weeks because my therapist is on vacation… in the amazon with her grown children. (How cool is that!?!) But I’m committing myself to spending the next 3 weeks resetting boundaries and holding myself accountable for doing the work.

One suggestion she had was to start the day with a list of things I’m grateful for and end it with a list of what I accomplished so that I can see how I’m really doing. I started that list today.

As for the boundaries… the unfriending was a big one. But there are things with MM that I need to get straight. Things seemed to be getting better with us for a while. I was having a lot of back pain and ended up stoned several nights though. I was on autopilot...until the night we had a conversation about his penis.

It started as a health conversation. A little over a year ago he developed symptoms of Peyronie's Disease. At one point he told me that things were getting better but recently he told me that it’s gone from a bend to a full-blown “S” shape. He’d told me he made a urology appointment and that night I said what had been on my mind- that he needs to address the behavior that was likely the cause of it. I’m not one to sex shame but there’s a line between self-love and genuine self-abuse. He’s been prone to the latter in times of stress.

He insisted that he hadn’t hurt himself like that in some time but that right after the quad exploded he was doing it pretty frequently. That turned into him telling me that even after his huge meltdown when he ‘ended it’ with Gypsy… the episode that had his commander at our door at 6am because of the things he was saying in his text messages about not going to work.. They had been in contact. He said he had stopped and gone back, but that he was really done.

At that point I did all I could to not just leap over the baby gate and punch him in the throat. Like, are you fucking kidding me?!?

Instead I asked him how long it had been. He asked what it mattered. I just turned and went to bed.

The next morning we had plans to go check out a new place for breakfast. He was behaving as though things were totally fine. I was letting Bleu out when I said to him, “I’ve got something I need to say and it’s going to feel like an attack.” And I laid into him. He had snapped at me for not ‘giving him credit’ or ‘celebrating little victories’ and I feel like I threw an f-bomb at that statement and I told him that ‘how long’ matters because of the history of him making positive changes for short periods of time then reverting back to the same behaviors that were unhealthy or hurtful. As my therapist always says “Consistency over time.”

This pattern leaves me always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don’t feel safe and I can’t trust him. I feel like a broken record and I need to just be done having the same conversations over and over again. I can’t keep being the one to tell him what to do. He needs to make the choice to take care of himself and work on getting better.

That’s the part my therapist suggested, that I’m trying to figure out. What exactly do I tell him ‘for the last time’ and how do I stick to it? What boundaries do I need in place so that I don’t get sucked back in before we are both emotionally healthier?

After his urology appointment he was told that another issue he’d told me about was a common thing in men with diabetes and that if the cream doesn’t work he will have to be circumcised. If that doesn’t solve the Peyronie's Disease then they will go in and remove the scar tissue. Like most men, he’s already insecure about his size and that will mean losing more tissue/length.

I want to have sympathy, but I can’t. I told him that maybe this is the thing that will finally motivate him to get his diabetes under control with his diet. I know that he can’t really exercise. The issues with his back have gotten bad again… bad enough that he’s going back to pain management but not bad enough that the military will allow surgery.

His primary addiction is food and I’ve told him over and over again that I’m exhausted from watching him slowly kill himself with food. I’ve asked time and time again for him to tell me what he wants me to cook because he’s the one that’s so picky about food. At one point he said that he would agree to eat whatever I cook, but that still puts the responsibility on me and I’m not okay with that.

There’s one thing: I’m done engaging in the daily ‘what’s for dinner’ conversation. He can either tell me that he’s cooking xyz, wants xyz and will make sure we have the making or he’s going to take care of his own dinner. I refuse to be a part of his hangry episodes anymore.

But what else do I need? How else do I set down boundaries and find some measurable way of accountability and progress on that front? These are the questions I need to answer before I can have that conversation with MM.

He’s got duty tonight so I’ve had the house to myself all day. I didn’t put on pants and spent the morning binging “Shrill” on Hulu. Kinda loved it. Also cried through most of the first episode. I re-did my nails and I’m going to clean the kitchen and make banana bread when I get up from my desk.

There was a street fair thing downtown that I wanted to go to but I couldn’t find anyone to go with me and I wasn’t quite ready to push past my anxiety and go alone. That stupid voice in my head has been beating me up for not going, but I need to just focus on what I have done and continue to take care of myself today.

[emoali]

Friday ❤

I have everything I wanted now...

The quite office job

Brian's has a game plan for us to move out....

Why am I still considering moving out?

So he hasnt worked all week like he said...

Iv seen him playing rust..

What am I supposed to do tell him he needs to work 8 hours a day...

I shouldn't have to baby a man thats older than me... 😭😭😭 fmllll

So I left my phone at work and when I was freaking out Brian was calm he took care of me he came and he took me to go get my phone. After he did that for me we got food together he had already eaten but he got a foot long and I got a six-inch he ordered large drinks. I was looking at my phone and he paid for it. I was really upset that he had paid for it. The whole time I had an attitude I was hangry. I'm just irritated and it showed in my voice. Brian was calm the entire time when he mentioned the league of legend show I was upset because I get triggered from League of Legends because of how he treated me when we played together and he regrets it and he knows that that game is toxic and it turns friendships sour. Even though that is in the past the name League of Legends still upsets me but there's still a part of me that enjoys LOL. When Brian mentioned the show I immediately shut it down and told him that I wouldn't be interested in watching it. It was rude of me to shut him down when he was trying to be nice. So I tried to sweeten the conversation I asked him why he thought I would like it and tried to engage in conversation anyways when we got home we watched it and it was awesome be watched all 3 episodes together and we just hung out. I sat away from him not cuddling... keeping my distance sighing from time to time from anxiety. Because just being around him makes me realize how much I love him yet how much he's hurting me and it's just a conflict in my brain. Before he left he hugged me told me how much he loved me... he smelled good he smelled really good... we embraced multiple times we kissed but he knew something was wrong I wanted to cry because pretending like I wasn't hurting inside like everything was okay was so painful knowing that this relationship is probably going to end... Its so hard to keep a straight face. We said we loved to each other and he left. It is so hard to not think with my emotional brain because that is exactly what happened the love the comfort the familiarity it's all emotional. But I need to think with my logical mind yes he helped me when I was in need yes he was there to hang out with me and to give me company but he did not work today and I know this I saw him playing rust all day as much as I love him he still hurts me when he doesn't work. Although he did mention that he believes that this security job I'll change everything. And I do agree I know that the security job will do so much good for him. He spoke about wanting to work out. I know he wants to change it just don't know how long I should wait or if I should even.

Right as I'm about to cry from this emotional pain that I'm feeling my brother calls me asks if I want ice cream cone and comes to my dad's house he's picking up a pickleball set but it felt like fate the feeling like a guardian angel was sent to me and we vented to each other. He told me that he thinks that I should move in just as a trial run to see if I am happy alone or a miserable without him that is literally what I've been planning on doing it was like for a second I didn't know if I was making the right choices or steps and then my brother comes in to remind me that I am it literally felt like fate and instead of crying myself to sleep I'm okay

[tellywoodtrash]

immj2 09.10.20 lb

lol, lemme preface this by telling you what i know about the show from my out-of-context insta-viewing:

kabir sends his gf riddhima in to spy on vansh RAISINGHANIA (naam ka wazan check karein ji. kaafi hi bhaari-bharkam, just like the fake baritone the actor playing the character is being forced to put on.) vansh is some kinda shady, but idk WHAT SPECIFIC KIND of shady..... like is he just your garden-variety-evil-capitalist-ala-ambani-bezos, or is he into shit like drug smuggling and human/organ trafficking???? no one knows. maybe a little bit of both. but kabir’s a COP, and we all know that those fuckers are the shadiest shits around (#ACAB) so yeah, true to type, kabir shadyyyyyyyy. he’s actually the secret illegitimate son of vansh’s stepmom and together they wanna ruin vansh and take all his monies. so anyway, kabir sends in riddhima, who’s just a whole special brand of dumbass, but also extraordinarily determined in the way only tellywood heroines are. so she’s basically sticking her nose everywhere that doesn’t belong and being a pain in the ass of literally everyone in the show, including her own (coz she seems to get injured in novel and entertaining ways in every second episode.) kabir ultimately manipulates her into marrying vansh, while vansh has apparently married her KNOWING that she’s a spy and is probably playing the long game to see who her puppet-master is. long story short, heterosexuality is too potent a force and the Stupid Spy Girl and Gangsta Guy are currently slowly giving in to the Feelz™, despite missing that one-little-teensy-weensy-who-even-needs-it-in-a-real-relationship thing. y’know, that little thing called, idk, i think it’s called “TRUST” or some such strange unheard-of concept.

oh, in between all this there’s also some bizarre plot about some ex of vansh’s called ragini, who’s dead??? missing? idk. kabir is real interested in that and wants to jail vansh for it, but we’ve long forgotten about ragini by this point #RIPSis anyway, there’s some kinda statue of her’s in the attic or some shit, coz vansh is some kinda modern day gender-reversed medusa who turns women who cross him into statues??? idk man, idk. so riddhima is pretty much in constant danger of being statue-d.

also vansh has a requisite irritating famiy in tow, that he’s burdened with being in charge of (coz no rest for the unfortunate eldest son who lives in this godforksaken mansion, be that an oberoi or a raisinghania) feat: a dadi who is well-meaning, but as annoying as the one in IB was, constantly spouting platitudes about how vansh and Spy Girl trooooooly lurrrrrrrrrrve each other *kissy noises*; some chachi/chacha who are all “HEY WHY DOES HE GET TO BE THE BOSS, WE WANT CONTROL OF THE CRORE-ON KA BIJNESS TOO”, some very fake kanji-eyed siblings/cousins who are supreme bitches, and ofc one (1) normal sibling who is sweet but really does nothing around here. oh and there’s his right hand man/bff too, who seems to be not 100% (maybe just 83%?) incompetent like everyone else. that poor sod just got suckered into marrying Kanji Aankhon Waali Bitch Sister, who is pregnant with some total rando’s baby, and is just an all-round asshole to Riddhima/Right Hand Man, because “ugh, yeh do kaudi ke middle class naukar log, cheeeeee.”

ok now that the sasta, not-at-all-useful recap has been done, LET’S GET INTO THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

———————————————————————

the chachi is screaming her goddamn headdddd off coz her room is on fire. ofc it is. when has anything good ever happened in this manhoos house of horrors.

lmao the kanji eyed cousin has like 3% concern that his mom will be fried like a taaza jalebi. he's literally sauntering luxuriously towards his mom's room jaise park mein tehel raha ho.

chachi's screaming is getting on my nerves. aunty you're wasting valuable oxygen this way.  

riddhima is behind some secret box that aryan and chachi stashed in the room.

THESE PPL ARE SO CHILL ABOUT A WHOLE ROOM ON FIRE (note: it’s shivaay's room in IB) and they're just hanging out in the living room (which if you’ll remember, IS ATTACHED TO THE ROOM THAT WAS SHIVAAY’S) as if fire doesnt have a tendency to y'know..........  SPREAD RAPIDLY.

riddhima is fighting with the bloody fireman saying ki i need to save the box. #priorities

aaaaaaand the fireman is kabir, who has come to haath maarofy on Box of Secrets.

and we know this coz he did a DRAMAAAAAAAAATIC reveal by taking off his mask. in a room FULLY ON FIRE. idhar non-flaming rooms mein bhi ab mask nikaalna danger ho gaya hai, and this guy justtttttttttt dgaf. tum jaison ki wajaah se hi we can't bloody stop the spread.

my god this house has been decorated soooooooo fucking tackily. never thought the oberois would be the classy ones.

shady saasumaa and riddhima stinkeye-ing each other over a bowl of shehed. lol, what even. truly some "rasode mein kaun tha" lvl of politics.

oh ho, saasumaa and kabir lagaaofied the aag.

saasumaa gloating over the fact that riddhima will now never get her hands on Box of Secrets.

flashback time: hahahahaha KABIR LITERALLY LOBBED A MOLOTOV COCKTAIL INTO THE ROOM AND CHACHI DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING HEAR IT OR ANYTHING. lmao everyone in this show is a dumbass. how blissful life must be with just one (1) working brain cell.

riddhima runs into flaming room. ofc now we will have a prolonged sequence where kabir tries to keep his identity and riddhima being the dheent that she is, will give chase.

please note, that not even 48 hours ago, this woman walked barefoot on a bed of coals AND a hallway full of broken glass. AND NOW SHE'S RUNNING FULL SPEED BEHIND KABIR AS IF SHE’S PT USHA. SIS, TUMHARE PAIR HAIN KI KYA HAIN? YOU'RE LONG OVERDUE FOR AN INTENSE PEDICURE AFTER THIS WEEK.

and ofc, he got into a getaway car and made it away.

yeh lo, iss beech mein dadi behosh. ouff.

whooooooooops, dadi has some weird blue nishaan on her neck.

LMAO KABIR SHOT AT RIDDHIMA WITH A POISON BULLET OR SYRINGE OR SOME SHIT, WHICH HIT DADI INSTEAD. LMAO MAN THIS SHOW. IT'S SO FUCKING DUMB, I LOVE IT.

some more stinkeye politics between saas bahu.

bahu is passive-aggressively giving saasumaa roses to congratulate her on winning this round.

riddhima is dheent!max. she's like kuch bhi ho, i'll find the secret anyway and your victory will witherrrrrrr awayyyyyyyy like these flowerssssss and you will be left with the thorns that will prick youuuuuuuu!!!!!!!

LMAO SAAS IS FULLY ROLLING HER EYES AT RIDDHIMA'S DRAMATIC ASS #SAME

just looking at helly's ears is making my ears hurt like a bitch. 

hey riddhima, have you ever thought that maybe this secret child of hers is NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS?????? like honestly, the entitlement desis have to know the workings of other ppl’s wombs.

lol dumbass mummyji crumpled the flowers in her hand and played right into riddhima's stupid kaante waala metaphor. #ramMilayiJodi

hero ko covid hai toh ainvayi ke phone calls se kaam chalaana pad raha hai.

the dude left his house for literally the first time in months and the place is on fire and dadi got shot in the neck with poison. and the wife doesn't think she should tell him so that he doesn't become "pareshaan". sure, this seems like a dude who'll take this kinda thing real light when he finds out later.

(hint: he’s not. he’s a crazed, overprotective weirdo about his family. sound familiar?????)

this guy's dialogue delivery is so dodgy. idk what it is, it just seems so affected.

that plus the ainvayi ka editing just showing him in some random car (clearly from the earlier eps)  is just adding to the jankiness of the scene.

husband dude seems to know wifey's quirks quite well. kinda cute, kinda creepy. 

lol kal tak toh yeh banda itna romantic nahi tha. like he had a smooth moment here and there, but he was mostly real awkward and robotic and unsure how to handle These Strange New Feelings™. now he’s spouting cheesyass lines about being able to see the one who is special to you with dil ki aankhein and idk what.

who are these people who like SHARING their room with another person? #unrealistic

but i also i get you, riddhima. he was pretty much the only thing worth looking at in this room, coz the rest of it is so damn fugggggg. this room should be the one set on fire.

dang, some steamy scenes between them in the flashbacks. ouff abhi jaake episodes dhundne padenge. coz #tharkiTTisTharki

riddhima doing dadi seva. boooooooooring.

ofc dadi ki sui is always atkofied on playing cupid for pota, taaki she can score some par-pota/potis.

riddhima ki best friend ka happy birthday hai.

riddhima is like a lottttt has happened in my life, can't really tell you over a call. yup, that’s for sure. 

ok apparently sejal who said she’s in dubai now is NOT in dubai?? she's just up and flew to mumbai to "surprise" riddhima...... on HER OWN birthday? #doesNotCompute

lmao kabir's annoyance with mummy's useless glass of water. WHY DO MOMS THINK EVERYTHING CAN BE SOLVED WITH DRINKING MORE WATER?!?!?!!

now he's yelling at mom about how she's ruined everything. sure. blame the only one who's actually doing shit around here, while you sit on your ass in this room, glaring and growling like a hangry bear.

some menacing dialogue about how he needs to thikaane lagaaofy riddhima's hosh.

which has been overheard by bff sejal, who went and dropped a showpiece from shock. cool. so she gonna die. bye sejal, hardly got to know ya!

sejal being here doesn’t even make sense. she thought he was a PT teacher. then why did she show up here at his police waala office? also how did she connect the dots about the whole damn story with like 0.04% context that she got from what she overheard? kuchhhhhhh bhi.

[staircasttext]

Ep 09 Transcript: Spaghetti Junction

Episode 9

[intro music]

PAZ: Hi, everyone, welcome back to Stairway to StarClan, a Warriors Cat reread podcast. I'm Paz.

JULIAN: I'm Julian.

LIZ: And I'm Liz.

PAZ: And I'm recording on a new microphone today. So I hope it sounds okay. We'll see. Yeah, but I'm gonna bring you those dulcet podcast sounds.

LIZ: Does sound pretty good.

PAZ: I would hope so. It's a gamer microphone because I'm a gamer. Thank you. Yeah, so we're back this week, continuing Fire and Ice. We read chapters four through seven, I believe, which features a return of WindClan, which I guess like 11 year old me is very excited about. Anybody have thoughts about chapters or current Warriors events before we do the summaries?

JULIAN: 20 somethings year old me is also very excited about the return of WindClan.

PAZ: Well, yes. Me too.

LIZ: I've heard so much about them from you two. I'm also just kind of pumped. They've got some, some interesting names. We'll get into those later.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: Yeah, I thought in general, these chapters were like, great. Like good tension. Good action. Good character stuff. I liked them a lot.

PAZ: Yeah, they were a really fun set of chapters. Like I said, I think last episode, I love when the cats go on a little journey.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Yeah, I got so into chapter five that I like forgot to take notes. I had to go back and reread it.

PAZ: Yeah, chapter five was a big one. But I guess if that's all, I can go into the chapter summaries.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: Okay. In the beginning of chapter four, Fireheart and Graystripe head out to their journey to find WindClan. When the two are crossing WindClan territory they spot a RiverClan patrol hunting in WindClan territory. The two ThunderClan cats hide from the RiverClan patrol in an abandoned badger den. Once the patrol leaves, Fireheart and Graystripe manage to find the abandoned WindClan camp, which shows signs of an intense battle. The WindClan scents show that they were all very scared as they fled. Fireheart and Graystripe pick up their scent trail and follow it back up towards a Twoleg farm.

The two muse if their friend Ravenpaw managed to make it to Barley's farm safely. The two follow the trail near the farm and realize WindClan couldn't stay there because of the dogs that come out at night. The trail then leads to the edge of the Thunderpath and Fireheart worries that they will lose the scent trail after crossing the Thunderpath.

In chapter five, Fireheart crosses the Thunderpath and manages to pick up the scent. They then come upon a network of highways, seen in the prologue, and realize WindClan must have settled in this area. They realize WindClan must be desperate to stay here, and Fireheart decides it's best to hide in the drain tunnel and sleep until morning so they do not startle the clan cats.

In the morning, the two decide to follow the tunnel deeper and come up near a spot where some Twolegs are sleeping. They spot cats near the human camp, but they scatter as people wake up. Fireheart and Graystripe follow them into another tunnel and see the WindClan cats huddled in a spot with a small outside opening. They all look starved and miserable. Then the two ThunderClan cats reveal themselves and WindClan cats get ready to attack them.

In chapter six, Tallstar steps out and determines that they're from ThunderClan and not ShadowClan. Fireheart explains that Bluestar asked them to find WindClan and bring them home. Tallstar is eventually convinced to follow them, after hearing RiverClan is hunting in their old territory. Tallstar does-- wow, I cannot speak today. Tallstar declares that the clan must leave at once, including Morningflower's small kit, who will have to be carried during the journey. The ThunderClan cats lead them back through the other tunnel shortcut. As the cats continue, the strength of the WindClan cats wane. Fireheart carries Morningflower's kit so she can recover her strength.

The group reaches the Thunderpath, and Fireheart decides that the cats should go in small groups, and he and Graystripe will stay to help. Finally as the two get ready to cross with the last group of elders, they nearly get run over by a car, but the car manages to swerve and avoid hitting them. Everyone makes it across safely, and Tallstar and the WindClan warriors acknowledge that Fireheart and Graystripe were prepared to die for them and that they owe them a debt.

The group then nears the Twoleg farm, but they have to stop for the night because it's gonna rain and everyone's really weak. But as they're settling down, Ravenpaw appears. Yay! Fireheart and Graystripe are overjoyed to see their friend safe and healthy. They hide Ravenpaw's identity from WindClan and introduce him as a loner. Ravenpaw offers to help the WindClan cats and leaves to find Barley. Tallstar decides to trust them because Fireheart trusts them. Barley and Ravenpaw return and lead them into an abandoned house, which the cats reluctantly shelter in. Fireheart, Graystripe, Barley, Ravenpaw, and two WindClan cats hunt for the clan.

Fireheart and Graystripe offer to take watch to talk to Ravenpaw alone. They fill each other in on the details of each of the sides of the story. Ravenpaw stays to take watch, and Fireheart muses that Bluestar had been right when she said some cats are better off without a clan. The next morning the WindClan cats prepare to head out, and the medicine cat sees an omen in the clouds. This day shall bring an unnecessary death.

In chapter seven, the cats continue onwards despite the bad omen. They finally reach WindClan territory, and the cats are overjoyed, rushing back to their camp. Tallstar stays outside to thank Fireheart and Graystripe, and sends two cats to escort them safely back to ThunderClan territory. Fireheart suggests they cut through RiverClan territory briefly because he is tired. He eventually convinces the others to follow his plan. However, as they travel along the river, they encounter a RiverClan patrol that instantly attacks them.

Then a ThunderClan patrol, including Tigerclaw, also leaps out to join in. Fireheart saves Sandpaw and a RiverClan cat from falling to the death into the gorge. However, the RiverClan cat Graystripe is fighting falls to their doom into the river, thus fulfilling the prophecy of an unnecessary death. And that is our reading for this week.

JULIAN: We really get the return of himbo Fireheart.

PAZ: It's so funny.

JULIAN: At the end of this.

LIZ: God.

PAZ: He's like so smart throughout this set of chapters right up until that point.

LIZ: He's like, oh, nothing bad could possibly happen. Why would it?

JULIAN: What could go wrong? I'm tired. My paws hurt.

LIZ: Aw, my poor little feet. Oh no.

PAZ: Fireheart really did get hangry in the IKEA and was like, starting trouble. Yeah, I was so impressed by how like smart and diplomatic he was being throughout all the other chapters, and then the last chapter it's gone. He used it all up. All his brains.

JULIAN: And he can't even defend it on being hangry because like, he ate. There's that loving description of how good that rabbit tasted.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: He got into that state of mind, like that mood I get into when I've been hiking for a long time and I'm getting blisters because I didn't wear the right shoes, and I'm out for blood.

JULIAN: God. I was fully expecting-- to go back to the very beginning here-- when they hide in the badger hole, I really expected something bad to be in there. It felt like they were setting up badger doom, and then there was no badger doom.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: They talked about badgers a whole lot.

PAZ: Yeah, I think there is a-- yeah, they mention badgers again like near the highways. We need badger pay off.

LIZ: I want to see the badgers.

PAZ: That's another reason they should all just stay inside. There's badgers.

LIZ: Is there a badger spin off?

PAZ: God, I don't know.

LIZ: They've got bears, right. And what's the other one?

PAZ: The other one was dogs. But that's the author who got fired for being a TERF, I think. So.

LIZ: Well, fuck that one.

PAZ: Yeah. They never did horses. I remember that.

JULIAN: They never did horses.

PAZ: Somebody wanted it, but.

LIZ: Oh, think of the horse names we would have gotten.

PAZ: They'd just be racehorse names.

JULIAN: Potoooooooo.

LIZ: Like Kentucky Fried Fever or something?

PAZ: Yes.

LIZ: That's what horse names are like, right?

PAZ: Absolutely.

JULIAN: Yeah.

LIZ: I mean, but those are like--

JULIAN: Well, they all have to be unique.

LIZ: Yeah, but those are like human-given horse names. Like a horse making a horse name would be like, Swifttail. Fast Feet.

PAZ: I think horses would be into racehorses names.

LIZ: I support that. They do have a different culture from cats.

PAZ: Yeah, remember they--

JULIAN: It's important to be culturally sensitive to the horses.

LIZ: There's a lot of different contexts. Like for one, they can't pick anything up because they don't have any dang hands. They're real big scaredy cats, horses.

PAZ: Yeah. And if they break a leg, they die.

LIZ: If they break a leg, they have to be put down immediately.

PAZ: Horses are kind of fucked up.

LIZ: They're so fucked up.

JULIAN: I think we did a bad job with horses. Actually, we didn't do a bad job with horses. They kind of came out the tin like that.

LIZ: They came out of the tin like that, yes. But humans and horses, there's the whole racehorse thing, where like if you get a little sprained ankle, that's it. You're done. They're not gonna just take you to like the doctor or horse retirement.

PAZ: Why couldn't we selectively engineer horses to not be like, glass? Why didn't we do that?

LIZ: They should be like stout and hardy.

JULIAN: Glass bones, paper skin.

LIZ: Imagine a horse but with like elephant sized legs.

JULIAN: I hate that.

PAZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: I hate to imagine that. You mean a Lego horse?

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: Oh god.

LIZ: That's a sturdy boy. You can't knock that one over.

PAZ: Can elephants break their leg? I don't know.

JULIAN: I mean, I think any animal can break a leg. It just takes a lot of doing.

PAZ: No, but I mean can they recover from it?

JULIAN: Oh.

PAZ: Who knows?

LIZ: Well, there's one way to find out. [typing] Can horses recover from broken legs?

PAZ: No, elephants.

LIZ: Oh.

PAZ: Horses can't. That's the thing with horses.

LIZ: Can elephants.

JULIAN: We're gonna get so many angry messages from people who know anything about horses.

PAZ: Yeah, maybe.

LIZ: The answer is really sad. It's mostly no, but it's easier with smaller elephants.

PAZ: Oh no.

JULIAN: Aw.

LIZ: I guess I understand like, why. That sucks.

PAZ: Yeah, out in nature, kinda...

JULIAN: I mean, I do know that elephants tend to like, you know, if there's an elephant that has like problems, they like slow down or try to take care of it. So maybe it's better than horses who I feel like would just leave a horse who had like issues running to the wolves.

PAZ: Despite what Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron says, horses are selfish and will leave you to die.

LIZ: That's why you can't write a book about them. It's real depressing.

JULIAN: Spirit is horse propaganda.

PAZ: Putting money in the pockets of big horse.

LIZ: Hey.

PAZ: Mm-hmm?

LIZ: Oh, just some elephant facts, because we watched the video last night, right? Did you know elephants-- or some elephants are like, they're being born more without their tusks. So there's a lot of tuskless elephants running around now. Yeah.

PAZ: Aw.

LIZ: That's kind of interesting.

PAZ: Yeah, for sad reasons. But if it helps them.

LIZ: Sad reasons with mixed results.

JULIAN: As long as they're safe.

PAZ: Yeah. Should we get back to cats?

JULIAN: Should we talk about cats again?

PAZ: I think that's what our podcast is about.

LIZ: No more of these... pachyderms?

PAZ: Oh God, I don't know.

LIZ: Is a horse a pachyderm? I don't think so.

JULIAN: No.

LIZ: No way.

JULIAN: I think a horse is an ungulate it but an elephant is a pachyderm.

LIZ: Got it.

JULIAN: Herbivores is both of-- they're both herbivores.

PAZ: Vertebrates.

JULIAN: Speaking of vertebrates, cats.

LIZ: Love those vertebrates. Or should we say, purrtebrates.

PAZ: Um, going from the top, RiverClan sucks. They just went straight to hunting in WindClan territory.

LIZ: Why does-- okay, remember that quiz we took last time?

JULIAN: What's up with them?

LIZ: Why does that person like RiverClan so much? They're very mean.

PAZ: I don't know.

JULIAN: I'm trying to remember why I liked RiverClan so much because I was a big RiverClan person--

PAZ: Do you think--

JULIAN: --like as a kid. I think it might just be because my like made up clan was RiverClan? Or not made up clan, but like, I was in RiverClan in our canon divergent series. Um.

PAZ: That would do it.

JULIAN: And so I think, yeah, I don't think I actually cared that much about real RiverClan.

LIZ: Maybe your RiverClan was better. I bet it was.

PAZ: Yeah, this RiverClan so far just sucks. They're like, one, they're cowards, because they just said like, complete capitulation to ShadowClan. And now they're like, liars and thieves. Not a great track record so far.

LIZ: No.

JULIAN: They're doing pretty bad.

LIZ: I like their aesthetic with like, you know, we swim, we fish, but they suck. So I think they should give the aesthetic to someone else.

PAZ: Get well soon.

JULIAN: RiverClan sucks. I also can't believe that Bluestar was like, hey, go track WindClan. And at no point did we mention that it's been two months.

PAZ: Yeah, wasn't her reasoning that like, oh, you're the people who like remember the scent of WindClan the best? I'm like, are these cats fucking bloodhounds? How are they doing this?

LIZ: Well, when you don't get your balls cut off, yes.

PAZ: Oh, of course. I see.

LIZ: Really enhances the nose.

JULIAN: Like, I'm a human. So my nose is pretty bad. But I don't think I would remember many scents after two months.

PAZ: No.

LIZ: No.

JULIAN: I also don't think I would be able to both remember and track two month old smells.

LIZ: That's why Fireheart is so cool and powerful. Strongest nose in the world.

JULIAN: It all makes sense. He is real stupid sometimes because his olfactory bulb is just so big that there's no room for the rest of his brain. Just like a rat.

PAZ: That's tragic.

LIZ: His powerful nose. Your head's so empty, but your nose is full of scents.

JULIAN: I think I would like to see more Warrior Cats fanart where Fireheart has just like a massive schnozz.

LIZ: Or like the cats with like the long face, with like the big ears.

JULIAN: Yes.

PAZ: Yeah. I was thinking of pictures of cats where they get like stung by bees on their nose.

JULIAN: Oh no.

PAZ: They look really funny.

LIZ: Oh god. Um, there's a part in what, chapter... chapter four? Where Fireheart's like remembering like the memory of Bluestar losing one of her lives.

PAZ: Oh yes.

LIZ: And it says, "it stung Fireheart like a wood ant." And that sounds like it's from experience.

PAZ: I wrote that down too.

LIZ: Did a wood ant bite you? Aw.

PAZ: That's what you get for living in the woods.

LIZ: Yeah, there's no wood ants in the house. Just probably regular ants now and then.

PAZ: But um, RiverClan hunting there once again proves a point of like, why-- like you can't catch it up there. It kind of sucks living up in the moors anyway. Like, just let WindClan come back.

JULIAN: Yeah. Also, hey, why did WindClan get stuck with the shittiest territory?

PAZ: Right? I feel like they should have some issues with that maybe.

JULIAN: Yeah, like, hello? Y'all are just chill with this?

PAZ: WindClan needs to rise up for better hunting conditions.

JULIAN: WindClan unionize.

PAZ: Yeah, like even before they were, like, run out, they seemed to have it real rough. I mean, I guess they're survivors because they managed to stay alive for two months not in great places.

JULIAN: I feel so bad for them.

PAZ: I know.

LIZ: They're also like, sad. All their names, even. It's like, there's Deadfoot and Onewhisker. They're all just like--

PAZ: I was wondering about Onewhisker's name.

LIZ: You only have the one?

PAZ: Maybe Onewhisker's a hairless cat.

LIZ: Aw.

PAZ: They're not born with whiskers.

LIZ: Oh, but it's so cold.

JULIAN: Aw, you gotta give him a...

LIZ: Jacket. Sweater.

JULIAN: Oh, okay, well, great news. I googled Onewhisker to see. And the second suggested result was Onewhisker x Fireheart. So that's good.

PAZ: Oh.

LIZ: Oh.

PAZ: Little starcrossed lovers.

LIZ: Is there something here? Hm.

PAZ: Well, we'll have to keep an eye out. We'll have to report back on, that one.

LIZ: I remember--

JULIAN: I'm not seeing any information about why he has his name.

PAZ: Okay.

JULIAN: And in fact, the official art does show him with more than one whisker. So what is the truth?

PAZ: Damn.

LIZ: Can cats grow more?

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: Okay, that's good.

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: Yeah, my cats' whiskers fall out, and they'll just be on the floor. And I'm like, thanks, I guess.

LIZ: A gift. It is a gift I've found in things that you've sent to me.

PAZ: Oh, gosh.

LIZ: I'm just imagining though like this hairless cat and this dumb orange cat, and they are in love. I remember nothing pretty much about Onewhisker. But we'll see if this shakes out.

PAZ: I think he was just like a young WindClan warrior. That was about it. Strong. But as we're kind of on chapter five, that was a note where I was like, wow, Fireheart really did grow a brain, because he was like, we should like wait until day probably so they don't just kill us. Smart move.

LIZ: I was enjoying him thinking so much. Like, wow, that makes sense. Wow. What a good plan. Wow, you're being thoughtful.

PAZ: I'm proud of him.

LIZ: Yeah, I guess it takes energy. I'm the same. I can't think if I'm too hungry. All the like Graystripe and Fireheart friendship times on their way there are also very cute. They're just like, they're best friends. And there's a part where they're like, reminiscing about Ravenpaw catching that snake in snake hell. And then it says, "Fireheart purred at the memory." Aw.

PAZ: Yeah, I'm very glad that they like, remembered Ravenpaw and thought about him. I was kind of worried he just like would never be mentioned again, which would have been weird and like a dropped plot point. But not the case.

LIZ: Yeah, he popped up at just the right time. It was very sweet.

PAZ: He did.

LIZ: And like, good thematic parallels, to like, oh, no first book was like we were being attacked by rats. What do we do? A gay cat's here to save us. Book two. Oh no, we're starving. What do we do? Oh, two of them. Great.

PAZ: Yeah, but um, that's like chapter six, I think?

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: Yeah, I mean, most of chapter five is just like seeing that WindClan's living under like a highway overpass and it sucks.

LIZ: Those poor cats.

JULIAN: Yeah, there's one bit where Fireheart's like, it's like, oh, he has no words to describe the tangle of Thunderpaths and it's like, yeah, that's how I feel about spaghetti junctions.

LIZ: Is that what they're called?

JULIAN: I do think they're an abomination. Um, I don't know if that's like a general term or like a name for a specific one.

PAZ: I've never heard it before.

JULIAN: There was one like really, really bad one that I lived near in Atlanta, when I lived down there, and it was like, three or four highways came together in one place.

PAZ: Oh god.

LIZ: Oh no.

JULIAN: I think I've like posted a picture of it before. It's very upsetting to look at.

LIZ: Yeah, I've seen those. I just didn't know that's what they were called. Would hate to be a cat living near those. It's hard enough when you're a person. Ehhhhh.

PAZ: Oh, that's horrible.

JULIAN: I think there's... 1, 2, 3... I can't even count. There's too many roads.

PAZ: Yeah, that would--

LIZ: No. Ridiculous. Spaghetti junction is-- sorry, go on?

PAZ: No, you go ahead.

LIZ: I was just gonna say it's a much more fun name than this thing deserves like. It sounds like a diner with like a jukebox. Come on down to spaghetti junction. Yes, we are cat-friendly. We'll serve you a nice milkshake and your cat a little Fancy Feast.

PAZ: Wow.

JULIAN: Diner's stocked. They keep the good stuff.

LIZ: They do.

JULIAN: Oh, one thing about Deadfoot, it mentions that he has kind of like a bent paw or whatever, which doesn't seem to affect his ability to be deputy at all, which is nice.

LIZ: Oh, I missed that. That's good.

PAZ: Yeah, that is nice. I think he should have a nicer name.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: But considering the like characters with disabilities that appear later in the series--

LIZ: Uh-oh.

PAZ: This is surprisingly good treatment. Which is also baffling, because it's like, the way another character's arc goes like, you had a character who is a deputy with like, a foot he couldn't use. It was fine. Oh my gosh.

JULIAN: Right? He's still like a good leader and can like hunt and mentor his clan. Like, it's fine.

LIZ: I wonder if Deadfoot's gonna like, show up more. And man, I missed the part about his leg earlier and now it feels like real weird to say the name he's given.

PAZ: Yeah. It's Warriors.

LIZ: Cause I thought at first it was like, is this like a goth thing? Is it because he's like a black cat?

PAZ: Damn.

LIZ: But no.

PAZ: No. Yeah, I want to like, have a deep dive on the ableism in the Warriors series but like, I think there's like, a part of coming up in this book that will be like... I think that'll be like the time to address it because it comes more to the forefront, but. The naming convention's not, not great.

I guess the last thing about chapter five for me was the one description that was like, really, really sad. It was when Fireheart and Graystripe were jumping at the noise of the cars, and all the WindClan cats just didn't react because they were so used to it and tired. Poor guys.

JULIAN: That poor kit.

PAZ: Oh, I know.

LIZ: Reading about that tiny, tiny kitten, I was like, I was just picturing it. You know, they're like little beans. They can't...

PAZ: They can't protect it.

LIZ: No! That's how I feel every time I watch like, oh, here's some newborn kittens, like in a video. I'm like, Oh, no.

PAZ: Yeah, I don't know if I'm like, making this up in my head. But I feel like there was a description where like, its eyes were not even really open yet. I was like, that's too small.

LIZ: At least two times, it's referred to as like, a little precious bundle. And I'm like, Oh my god, I can't. You've got to put that somewhere else. It's not safe out here.

JULIAN: Aw, yeah. I think another point it's described as like a sodden lump of fur.

LIZ: Oh god.

JULIAN: And I'm just like, Oh, no.

LIZ: Save it.

PAZ: Oh god. Baby.

JULIAN: Somebody get this baby an umbrella.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: The baby's safe at the end, though. That's what matters.

JULIAN: The baby is safe. I was also very worried because I don't remember-- I remember very little about what happens this book besides like major plot beats. I was worried that something horrible was going to happen to the kit and I'm glad that that did not happen.

PAZ: Yeah, actually like nothing bad really-- like no one died on the way back. I was kind of surprised by that. I thought for sure someone was gonna like eat it.

LIZ: The tension was like, really good. The action in like the crossing scene was really like... It's like, Oh, is this gonna be the first baby death? Or is this old sad elder cat gonna eat it? Is there going to be mom death? And the answer is no. But they really like--

JULIAN: Thank god.

LIZ: --made you think.

PAZ: We've met the very first human who cares about cats in this series because of that car that was like, swerved to avoid them.

JULIAN: Can you imagine being a driver, and you're like driving down the highway, and there's like, 20 to 30 feral cats crossng the road?

PAZ: I would like, stop and get out. I'd be like, what is happening?

JULIAN: I would try to like-- it's like what you're supposed to do with turtles where you're supposed to move them off the road. I would stop and like try to you know, signal to other drivers that they should be careful. Put your hazards on.

LIZ: Yeah, I wonder like since this, this area that they live in is, you know, like, has enough wooded like nature-y stuff to house a whole bunch of wildlife, like that there isn't more of those, like nature crossing things that go under, like, roads and stuff. Yeah, I mean, it could also be like the time, so.

JULIAN: I guess they probably--

LIZ: Who knows.

JULIAN: Yeah, I feel like they mostly build those for like, bigger animals.

PAZ: Yeah, like deer and stuff.

JULIAN: Yeah. where it's like, it's dangerous for both the deer and the people.

PAZ: Yeah, I live in fear of deer.

LIZ: Oh, God. No.

PAZ: I'm like, I don't ever want to be driving at sunset.

LIZ: No.

PAZ: We'll both be in a bad place.

JULIAN: We had to stop for a moose once.

PAZ: Oh my god.

LIZ: Oh no.

JULIAN: And, like deer are big. I didn't realize how big-- like you know, you're like, Oh, it's a moose. It's really big. But you don't really realize how big it is until you'd see one. And this is like a baby moose and it was still like, bigger than our car.

LIZ: Oh god.

JULIAN: Yeah, they're scary.

PAZ: Yeah, you definitely don't want to run into a moose because they'll just collapse on top of you and crush you.

LIZ: A moose could pancake us. They're just like, they're not of this time. They're some sort of weird ancient megalo whatever, you know. And they haven't died cause nothing can kill them.

JULIAN: That's some megafauna right there. All their predators are dead.

LIZ: Stepped on them.

PAZ: And I'm not gonna go fuck with a moose.

LIZ: No. They were here before us. They're gonna be here after us, probably because they just crush our cars and stuff. And you know what? That's just how it's gonna be.

JULIAN: The cats do not have to deal with moose though. No moose in Britain.

PAZ: No.

LIZ: Do you think there's Canadian cats? Like warrior cats?

PAZ: Wow.

JULIAN: Probably.

PAZ: Yeah, I mean, anywhere there's stray cats you got your warriors.

LIZ: If you were writing about Canadian warrior cats, would moose be sentient enough to talk to them?

PAZ: I would love that.

JULIAN: Although--

LIZ: Would you write a moose spinoff?

JULIAN: The thing about a Canadian wild cat is that they have to compete with bobcats and like--

PAZ: Oh shit.

LIZ: Oh.

PAZ: Damn, I just think a moose should be like a wise wizard.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: I just think that'd be really good.

LIZ: They're solitary, right?

JULIAN: Where's our moose book series?

PAZ: Damn. Somebody needs to get on this.

LIZ: You think a moose is like Gandalf to cats?

PAZ: Yes, exactly.

LIZ: I don't know why I'm talking about Lord of the Rings so much.

PAZ: Yeah, the cats are the little hobbits and moose are Gandalf.

JULIAN: Imagine being a little cat and riding on a moose's shoulder.

PAZ: Oh, yes.

LIZ: You think lynxes or whatever are like elves to cats?

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Yes. They have the pointy ears and everything.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: Wow.

LIZ: Wait, stop recording. We need to write this down. Delete this.

JULIAN: Yeah, we can't be giving this shit away.

PAZ: We're copyrighting it. Do not steal.

LIZ: Erin Hunter, fucking watch out.

PAZ: Our intellectual property, thank you.

LIZ: No one's ever thought of elf cats before, I assure you.

PAZ: No. None. Well, back to English Warrior Cats. Yeah, I mean, very exciting. Ravenpaw and Barley show up again. So happy.

LIZ: That's so good.

JULIAN: Barley talks about how nice it is to share a meal with a fellow cat.

PAZ: I know. There's some really cute lines between them. I think like, Barley says something like thanks for sending Ravenpaw to me. Which is just like, aw.

LIZ: Wow, Fireheart like is a real matchmaker if you think about it.

JULIAN: And like Ravenclaw's like, personal growth is so good.

LIZ: It's so good.

PAZ: Yeah, he looks really healthy and well fed and like, isn't anxious, and Fireheart's like, wow, completely different cat.

LIZ: He's like so confident, too, and he's like, joking around with everyone. And like, his humor is kind of like dry, too. Like, when the apprentices are kind of, they're looking at him kind of. What is the word I'm thinking of here? They're giving him the stink eye.

JULIAN: Like side eye?

LIZ: That too. Um, he's like, Oh, yeah, loner cats, we eat apprentices.

PAZ: Yeah, it's very cute and a nice way to see like, how he's matured into his own and also is not like living a fear of murder every single day. Yeah, the fact that he got like, tense again at the mention of Tigerclaw was sad.

JULIAN: I wish that like-- I'm glad that you know Fireheart is like oh, I'm glad this is a better situation for him. But I wish that it wasn't framed-- or I wish Fireheart wasn't framing it as like, oh, some cats just like are better off without a clan. Because it's not that-- like, Ravenpaw clearly likes being around lots of cats. He's joking with the apprentices. He's like putting everyone at ease. It's not that he had a problem with the clan.

LIZ: It's because he had a problem with his murd--

JULIAN: He had a problem with being set to snake hell all the time.

PAZ: Who wouldn't?

LIZ: His murder teacher. His what if the kid has bad vibes dad.

PAZ: Yeah, but he like seems happy with Barley on the farm. But it does suck that he has to like keep pretending be dead, essentially.

LIZ: I hope that after Fireheart has had some time to digest his meal and gain back his brain energy, he'll be like, maybe if this extremely strict unquestioning hierarchy in our society is like bad? Is it bad?

PAZ: That's gonna take a lot of brain power. I don't know if he has it in him.

LIZ: It was a pretty big rabbit, you know. He ate a lot. He just needs to get the juice.

JULIAN: Fireheart, a better world is possible.

LIZ: You can have cats with more than one job.

PAZ: That's radical stuff.

LIZ: Since we're like in this section, I also want to point to like, this is the part where Tallstar is asking Fireheart, like, can we trust him? And then Fireheart is like, he just says, completely. And it's like, aw.

JULIAN: Aw.

PAZ: They're friends.

LIZ: It's a nice conclusion to the subplot about like, doubt, I guess that was running through this before. Once it's actually, you know, once he actually sees Ravenpaw again, it's like no, I was... like, this is something I can trust my gut on. And also my observations, which I forget about sometimes.

PAZ: Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, I'm curious to see how that will like, feed into his actions going forward.

LIZ: I think it's coming in like an interesting spot because he's having a lot of his like... I can't think of any other word except for like, cons list against like Tigerclaw being confirmed. But at the same time, Tigerclaw is like... a lot of their interests are lining up. They're on the same side with regards to like WindClan basically, even though it's for different reasons. Tigerclaw comes in at the end of our reading to save them. Also just coincidentally, but it's interesting to see that clash.

PAZ: Yeah, that was very funny. Yeah, for sure.

JULIAN: Yeah, that last fight scene-- the whole of chapter seven is like very suspenseful. But the last fight scene is like very, very good and very, very suspenseful.

PAZ: Yeah, I mean, Fireheart did get someone killed just because he was tired of walking. Not a great day. I'm wondering if like Graystripe will feel a lot of guilt too. Because like, he was trying to help that cat up, but then couldn't do it. And it's probably like, indirectly his fault. So he might be going through it. We'll see.

LIZ: If this is like, you could both use some thought juice, I guess, about consequences and stuff. I know they're... This is interesting. An interesting development.

JULIAN: Yeah, they could definitely both use some thought juice.

PAZ: Julian, do we want to say the thing about Tallstar, or?

JULIAN: Yeah, I feel like--

PAZ: Because I don't know if it comes up-- I don't think it comes up in this series.

JULIAN: Yeah, I don't know if it's gonna come up.

PAZ: Yeah, I think it's in like the special book.

JULIAN: I think it comes up in his like, special book.

LIZ: I have no idea what you guys are talking about.

JULIAN: Well, great news. We've met another gay cat.

LIZ: I knew it. I had the vibes. Like this cat is being perceived as too handsome by this other cat. Right? Those are the vibes, aren't they?

PAZ: Yeah, Tallstar is the other gay cat. I don't know. We should say who he's gay for, because it's very funny.

JULIAN: Yeah, we should. He is gay for Fireheart's dad, Jake.

LIZ: What?! His dad's name is Jake?

PAZ: Yes. I love that. Jake.

JULIAN: So Fireheart's family. This is not spoilers. Fireheart's mother's name is Nutmeg.

LIZ: That's perfect.

JULIAN: His father's name is Jake.

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: And his sister is Princess.

LIZ: Oh.

PAZ: Yeah. All very good cat names, I think.

LIZ: God, they're so good.

PAZ: I love when cats are just named-- like they're just a dude. That's just a guy.

[alarm beeping]

PAZ: Like Henry.

JULIAN: Oh, sorry. A car alarm just went off. Oh, it's done. Oh, great news. Tallstar's parents are Palebird and Sandgorse. That's great.

PAZ: Yeah, those are pretty good names.

LIZ: Oh. Bird. That's a good aesthetic.

PAZ: Yeah, if I'm remembering correctly, I think like Tallstar also, like never takes a mate because, yeah.

LIZ: No.

PAZ: No, I mean, well, yeah. I mean, because he's gay.

LIZ: I get it. Holding a candle for Jake.

PAZ: Yeah, it's tragic. They part ways. Crossed worlds.

LIZ: I like a good tragedy. I'm okay with that because we've got at least a few gay cats. And then some of them are doing fine and that's okay.

JULIAN: Oh, they've moved his personal relationships into a separate article. Why?

PAZ: Are people on the wiki-- ugh.

LIZ: Are there a lot of them?

JULIAN: Okay, now, come on.

LIZ: What?

JULIAN: They've censored this. They've said that Jake was the best friend of Tallstar.

LIZ: Boo. Boo.

PAZ: Oh no. Come on.

JULIAN: And they traveled for a while. We got to pull up the screenshots of what it said earlier.

PAZ: Yeah, the Erins have stated in public, like, explicitly.

LIZ: If we put a citation, can we edit that? Parody.

PAZ: I don't--

LIZ: Unless...

PAZ: I don't want to fuck with the Warrior Cats wiki editors. Hold on, I know I posted some stuff in spoilers.

LIZ: Oh, the land I cannot go to.

JULIAN: Yeah, here we go. "Kate has said that Tallstar's heart always belonged to his Jake."

LIZ: Aw.

JULIAN: "Kate thinks that Tallstar goes out of StarClan to visit Jake."

LIZ: Aw!

JULIAN: "In Kate's head she sees Tallstar and Jake as mates." Like, they're not friends.

PAZ: That is pretty clear.

LIZ: Oh, is it requited? Aw.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: I didn't know. It sounded like, you know, one-sided longing. I was okay with that too. Because you know, multiple gay cats.

JULIAN: Yeah, no, Jake is bi, imo.

LIZ: Good for Jake.

PAZ: No, like.

LIZ: World's first bi cat.

PAZ: I mean, he obviously is. Yeah.

LIZ: I haven't met Jake. I wouldn't know. But I'm really happy for him.

PAZ: Well, I mean, he eventually had children.

LIZ: I mean, he's dead.

PAZ: Yeah. From what I know-- I have not read the special book, obviously-- it's just like, crossed worlds. Can a kittypet and warrior fall in love?

LIZ: Yes.

JULIAN: Oh, the Tallstar quotes are on Jake's wiki page, not on Tallstar's.

LIZ: Do you think Nutmeg is also--

JULIAN: I apologize to the editors of the Tallstar wiki page.

PAZ: Oh wait, yeah. Now Liz can see this passage.

LIZ: Finally. Aww, that's very sweet.

PAZ: Yeah, it's just a-- I assume it's in the special book. Once again, I have not read it. It's just Tallstar-- yeah, it's just Tallstar saying, "'Every cat I've known.' He paused as Jake filled his thoughts. He pictured his old friend's green eyes glowing with pride. 'Every cat I've loved has taught me the meaning of friendship and the unbending power of the warrior code.'"

LIZ: [sighs]

PAZ: Romance is real.

JULIAN: Aw.

LIZ: It is.

JULIAN: Warrior Cats invented love.

PAZ: Yeah, maybe it did.

LIZ: Maybe it did. Okay, two questions, though.

PAZ: Yes.

LIZ: Do you think Jake short for Jacob? Or is it just Jake?

PAZ: I think it's just Jake.

LIZ: And do you think Nutmeg is also bi?

PAZ: Who is?

LIZ: Nutmeg, because that's a good name.

PAZ: Oh, hell yeah.

JULIAN: Do we know anything about Nutmeg?

LIZ: I would love to.

PAZ: I don't think so.

JULIAN: Find out.

LIZ: That's such a good name to waste on a mom cat you're never gonna see. You should see more Nutmeg. Listen, if we can learn about Jake... eh?

JULIAN: Yeah, we really know nothing about Nutmeg, I'm afraid.

LIZ: That's such a good name. I can't get over it. Like it's up there with like, Henry for me. It's like those cat names that are just like left of a common food item. Like Barley.

PAZ: Yeah, I would name a cat Nutmeg.

JULIAN: Nutmeg's a good cat name.

PAZ: But yeah, that's our other gay cat. It's Tallstar.

LIZ: Tall gay privilege. Okay, since we're on the topic of gay cats, I just want to draw attention to one more bit from Ravenclaw before we move on. So there's this part where--

PAZ: Ravenpaw, you mean?

LIZ: Sorry?

PAZ: You called him Ravenclaw, I think.

LIZ: Fuck. Almost 10 episodes and I finally fucked up. Ravenpaw. Yeah, there's just this part where he says like, "Barley's been great. I think he likes having me around." It's sweet. He's having a great life now.

PAZ: It's cute.

JULIAN: Also, I think the little bit where Fireheart asks Barley if Ravenpaw is happy, and Barley is like oh, you should ask him is really sweet. And also like aw, Barley. He is.

PAZ: I hope you know, Barley.

LIZ: It's also good that Firepaw just does so directly after that.

JULIAN: Yeah, look at him talking about feelings.

PAZ: Oh, that reminds me of another thing where like, some WindClan cats did like when they're going down like to the abandoned house, like once a kittypet, always a kittypet or something. And Fireheart had another moment of like, internal anger. I don't-- I just like those because it's like, he has thoughts and feelings

LIZ: He does. He is more than just like protagonist boy.

PAZ: Yeah, I'm glad they're leaning more into the like former kittypet angle and like what that does for him for his inner emotions because I feel like the first book did not really...

LIZ: No.

PAZ: Yeah, it didn't really play that much.

JULIAN: It was also really nice. The same apprentices had like a moment when they were-- where Ravenpaw gets to be snarky and Fireheart's response is like, oh you should make friends wherever you can. So it's nice to see him being like, no, like all cats are good cats.

PAZ: All cats are queens.

JULIAN: You know, he hasn't-- now that he's in the clans, hasn't just been like well, fuck it. I don't care about anyone outside of the clans anymore.

PAZ: Yeah. Good for him, because all the clan cats are so xenophobic.

JULIAN: God.

PAZ: At least Tallstar was like yeah, we like owe ThunderClan one. We're gonna stick to that. Thanks.

LIZ: Yeah, there's--

JULIAN: Yeah, hey, Tallstar, your ex was a kittypet. You want to talk to your apprentices?

PAZ: Yeah, get em.

LIZ: Does the book ever talk about how they met? Cause that would be interesting.

PAZ: Yeah, I think it happens in the book.

LIZ: Oh cool.

PAZ: The special book's called Tallstar's Revenge, I believe.

LIZ: Tallstar: Dishonored 2.

PAZ: Wow. Is it-- yeah, it's Tallstar's. His warrior name was Talltail.

LIZ: That's good.

JULIAN: That's a bad name.

LIZ: That's cute, though. It's bad, but it's cute.

PAZ: It's very to the point.

LIZ: Yeah. No, I thought it was like tall tales like he tells stories.

PAZ: Oh.

LIZ: I haven't seen any of that, but that could be fun.

JULIAN: I was just thinking about the mouthfeel.

LIZ: Oh, yeah.

PAZ: It's not good to pronounce. But they're cats. So they meow.

LIZ: Yeah, maybe it just sounds like... does it just sound like nyah?

PAZ: Yes. Oh, speaking of bad names, the medicine cat's name is Barkface.

JULIAN: That's a rough one.

LIZ: That sounds mean.

PAZ: I was like, that's not a nice sounding name.

LIZ: Like tree bark or like, is that how he sounds?

PAZ: I think tree bark, I think.

LIZ: Oh.

JULIAN: I mean, either way, it's not great.

PAZ: No.

LIZ: WindClan, what's up?

PAZ: They're having a rough time out there. They can't think of good names. They don't have very good hunting grounds. They live in a ditch.

LIZ: It's an improvement from living in the sewer. There is like that one cat called Morningflower. That's kind of nice.

PAZ: Yeah, that's a nice name.

JULIAN: Yeah, that's a nice one.

LIZ: What happened, guys? Did you just run out of ideas after that?

JULIAN: Hold up. Barkface's apprentice was called Kestrelflight.

LIZ: What happened?

JULIAN: Clearly y'all got some good names.

PAZ: I think Barkface might be like, similar age to Tallstar. So it might have been the previous leader that did that. I don't know.

LIZ: This fucking like old ass cat leader that's just like, ah, fuck, I don't know. You're... you're... Rock... foot. Tree... tail.

JULIAN: Yeah, actually that does track because Barkface's brother is Shrewclaw, which is also not great.

PAZ: Oh. Wow.

JULIAN: I think we just had a generation of kind of bad names.

LIZ: God. You're Badger...hide.

PAZ: Cause Onewhisker is younger, and that's a fun name.

LIZ: I'm just trying to think of more bad names.

PAZ: They're out there.

LIZ: Slug...bottom.

PAZ: Oh no.

JULIAN: Do we have a Moistkit?

PAZ: No we don't.

JULIAN: We got Runningnose. It's not that far off.

PAZ: Yeah. Slugbottom sounds like a fantasy tavern in like a Redwall situation where they're all little guys.

JULIAN: Mm, it does.

LIZ: You know, Runningnose must have had a good name before like he became Runningnose. Cause like Runningpaw? That's all right.

PAZ: His mom was probably like he'll get a cool name about how fast he is.

LIZ: Yeah, he'll be...

PAZ: No.

LIZ: Runningfoot.

PAZ: Runningwind, I don't know.

LIZ: Yeah, so imagine his poor mother being like, oh, his poor allergies This is so unfair.

PAZ: Was it fuckin... was it Raggedstar or Brokenstar who would have named him that?

JULIAN: Um, I think it was... looking here, it was ah... yeah, it probably would have been Raggedstar.

PAZ: Yeah, well, he was the less evil guy, but that was mean. That was mean. Don't do that.

LIZ: Yeah, that's your only doctor. And also, still just a person.

PAZ: Well, he became doctor after Yellowfang.

LIZ: Still, just don't do that to someone.

JULIAN: Still, your doctor apprentice. Your resident.

PAZ: Yeah, imagine if you went through medical school and at the end they gave you a really mean name. Dr. Runningnose. Mean.

JULIAN: Awful.

PAZ: Excuse me?

LIZ: You get your little like framed cat doctor diploma. And it just says like Dr. Runningnose and you just have to like live with it until you get old.

JULIAN: There's a sentence on the wiki that's like, "later, he received his full name, Runningnose, and was heartbroken." And I thought the sentence ended there, but it did not.

PAZ: Oh no.

JULIAN: The sentence is just like, oh, he was sad about like Yellowfang being exiled.

PAZ: Oh. Fair, but I'd be sad about that name, too. Um, anything else about these chapters?

LIZ: Check my notes.

JULIAN: I'm all set.

LIZ: Think we're good.

PAZ: Yeah, it was just a very fun set of chapters but pretty, like action heavy, I guess. But also really nice character moments, so I'll give this reading set an A plus.

[meow]

So moving on to our next bit. We have learned about the Barnes and Nobles Warrior Cats roleplay scene from a Tumblr post. Would someone else like to introduce us to this this Tumblr post?

JULIAN: Sure. Tumblr user eileensdress says, "Oh my god, I was just looking to see how much a copy of Hamlet would be through Barnes and Noble and people are role playing Warrior Cats in the reviews."

Um, so the first review here, by Anonymous, is posted six years ago. I don't have a date for the original screenshot. So this could be any time. Title of the-- it's a five star review. Title of the review is Crystal. "She lay on her side, blood gushing out of a wound in her side. Claw marks were everywhere on her body." Originally posted on Hamlet. Helpful? Yes, zero. No, one.

LIZ: I have the web-- I just searched Barnes and Noble Hamlet and it is the first result. So I'm just going to put that in the chat.

JULIAN: Oh, good.

LIZ: There are pages of this. Pages.

PAZ: The second comment, also by Anonymous six years ago, says "Silvershadow to my kits. 'Thank StarClan you're okay. Where is Fablekit?' she mewed frantically." Once again, someone has given it a No in terms of being helpful.

JULIAN: I mean, I do think it's not helpful. It doesn't tell me anything about Hamlet the book.

PAZ: Well, maybe so.

JULIAN: The last review is again also five stars.

LIZ: It's from Dawnsky, who says, "'thank you. I will stay here for a night or two.' She fell asleep in a nest." Again, not helpful.

PAZ: And the next comment-- god, it's hard to tell which user this is from. Yeah, the follow up comment from brandnewclty is, "okay I was very involved in the Barnes and Nobles reviews Warrior Cat roleplay scene when I was like 10 to 12. The first few books of the series were general hubs, where people would post ads for their clans and other groups. There was a huge Percy Jackson community I remember participating in too. It worked through the search results. Eg RiverClan would be under the search results rivers. Book One was rules and a map. Book Two might be the main area, Book Three the medicine cat tent, etc. There was also usually a book where people would post lengthy descriptions of their characters. It was a really bizarre little corner of the internet. Also, it was impossible to find any real reviews of any Warriors Cats books because of it."

LIZ: This is amazing. Innovative. Also yes, fuck up Barnes and Noble.

PAZ: I'm amazed they just didn't delete these or moderate it in any conceivable way.

JULIAN: It sounds like they left them up for long enough for them to develop like a structure.

PAZ: Right?

JULIAN: Like Book One is for like a map?

LIZ: If you look on the Barnes and Noble site right now for Hamlet, these are seven years old now.

JULIAN: Oh my god. They're still up?

LIZ: Yeah, they're still up. There's pages of them. Most of them have given Hamlet five star reviews. So you know.

PAZ: Is there a sampling for us?

JULIAN: [gasps]

LIZ: God, there's so many good ones.

JULIAN: [cackling]

PAZ: Yeah?

JULIAN: I've found one. "To Baloo: This is not the real BloodClan. The real BloodClan is at Canterbury Tales."

LIZ: Holy fuck.

PAZ: Oh my god. Oh my god.

JULIAN: That has four up votes.

PAZ: Yeah, you got to set the record straight. How long ago was that?

JULIAN: This is six years ago. So as of 2015, people were still doing this.

LIZ: Good.

PAZ: Yeah. Okay. I went to-- because people were saying people posted on like the first book-- so I went to Into the Wild. A year ago, someone posted this. "HorseClan alive. Hello, if you're a member of the old HorseClan or you're looking to join a new clan that will be active and just like the original RP Clans, please join me, Velvet, one of the original clan leaders, in HorseClan. Ender's Game result one is where we are. Can't wait to see you." Oh my god.

JULIAN: This to me is like such an epitome of the Warrior Cats like the need to roleplay. Because it's like this is not a site that is good for roleplay--

PAZ: No! It's hard.

JULIAN: --meant for roleplaying. Like these people are really fighting to roleplay about their cats.

PAZ: Do they not know about Proboards?

JULIAN: And also I have found one about Percy Jackson.

LIZ: Okay, also, I think most of these reviews, there's like a review count for each person, and they just say one. So these are-- I guess it's individual. Once, or like once every-- this is such a hard format.

PAZ: This is like an ARG for roleplay.

LIZ: Okay by the way, mixed in with the Warrior Cats reviews in the Hamlet book are a lot of I think Percy Jackson roleplay posts, which are mostly profiles. Can I read you one? It's short and sweet.

JULIAN: Yes.

PAZ: Yes, please.

LIZ: Okay, this is from seven years ago, titled CC's Bio. CC is just the letters. "Name, duh. Age, 14. Looks, blond hair and sapphire eyes and pale. Wears, I say what I wear. Parent, Poseidon. Crush, ehhh. Status, ehh." With less Hs. "Weapon, a silver dagger with a diamond encrusted handle. Other, I'm musically talented and I'm nice. I'm not violent."

PAZ: That's beautiful.

JULIAN: That's really good. I've also found another one that I just want to read a single line from.

PAZ: Yes?

JULIAN: Also Percy Jackson. "Lev is 19 years old now. She has long auburn hair and gray eyes. Lev is single. She is broken over the loss of her three kids."

PAZ: Oh.

JULIAN: "Her three kids, brother, and fiance, so she comes off as cold and heartless." There's a like long description of all of her tattoos and like her bracelets and stuff. Her dead twin brother.

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: How does-- she's 19.

LIZ: Wow.

PAZ: Went through it.

JULIAN: This girl is 19 and has experienced more loss.

LIZ: This is terrible. Tragic. Also, a lot of these people are using like, I'm assuming some sort of HTML-like emoji or something because there's a lot of broken HTML in the post.

PAZ: Oh no.

JULIAN: So those symbols should form like a little-- it's like the & less than, & greater than, so it should be like a little like diamond. But yeah, it looks real busted now.

PAZ: I'm still on Into the Wild. Here's a post that just seems-- somebody just seems to be using this as like a chat to DM their friend.

LIZ: Aw.

PAZ: Because here six years ago, "Isaiah, my brother is typing weird stuff again. So my friend told me Pajama Day is tomorrow. Should I listen to her? From Kenzie."

LIZ: Kenzie, I hope you got your answer. That's really urgent. Got a time limit.

PAZ: Yeah, you need to know if you're gonna wear pajamas to school tomorrow.

LIZ: Did you guys ever do that?

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: I don't know. I think I might have been too like self conscious to.

LIZ: Me too.

JULIAN: Oh, here's someone else who is using it as a chat function. We're still in the Hamlet reviews. "Sup with you guys. I've been Facebooking lately. Sorry I haven't been computering you guys --007."

LIZ: This is so good.

JULIAN: I wonder if it's like for people whose parents like wouldn't let them go on a forum or like have social media but like--

LIZ: Mm.

PAZ: That's a good idea, yeah.

JULIAN: --you know, of course ≤you're gonna let me go on the Barnes and Noble website. What could I be doing on the Barnes and Noble website? Nothing.

PAZ: I just love to look at books.

LIZ: I'm just looking at Hamlet for class every day.

JULIAN: Yeah. Every day I look at the reviews of Hamlet.

LIZ: I can't figure out if I should buy it for class or not. Just give me a minute.

PAZ: That's probably right.

JULIAN: This is really wholesome.

LIZ: It's so good.

PAZ: Can I read--

LIZ: Okay, I've got-- oh go. No, you go.

PAZ: May I read another review?

LIZ: Mm-hmm.

JULIAN: Oh, please.

PAZ: Okay, "Hello people of the Warrior world. Hi, I am Trojanstar of MagicClan. I need more cats. If anyone wants to join, I need a deputy and warriors. I also love the books. The first series is the best one to me. If you like the Warriors series, then you might Wings of Fire is all about dragons. It's very awesome and dramatic and funny. Sometimes some people I know don't like me reading them. I don't care. Much of my friend loved the book, and also I can't believe what some people say about the books. Not to be rude but that is soooooo mean of you. I love the books a lot. Sorry about the grammar and spelling mistakes."

JULIAN: Aw.

LIZ: Aw.

PAZ: Somebody out here defending the dragon book.

LIZ: Okay.

JULIAN: There's a lot of reviews that just say "Fart BloodClan."

PAZ: Oh no.

LIZ: Okay, I did check to see if there's any role playing going on in the Guardians of Gahoole books and the answer is yes. And it is Warrior Cats.

PAZ: Oh my god. That's a power move.

JULIAN: Not even Guardians of Gahoole?

LIZ: There's a one star review from Anonymous that just says, "helo?" which is hello with one L, "clan cats. Do you all still come here?"

PAZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: Oh, this is-- okay, this is a Hamlet review that is actually about Hamlet, but it's very good. Okay, so the title is "yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay. I love this. Plus, I have the manga version!!!!" Four exclamation marks. "This helped me get Hamlet's part in a play I was just in, and I am a girl btdub. Love it, love it, love it!!!!!" Five exclamation marks. "Heart three."

LIZ: I am feeling this. This is amazing. Good for you.

JULIAN: I'm marking this as helpful. This is helpful. Thank you.

LIZ: Wait, can you rank this even if you don't have an account?

JULIAN: Yeah, you don't have to have an account.

LIZ: Holy shit.

PAZ: Oh my god.

LIZ: This is wild.

PAZ: I went to the Canterbury Tales because somebody said that's what the BloodClan was. It's just Warrior Cats role play.

LIZ: Oh my god. This is allowed?

PAZ: It's all it is.

JULIAN: Oh, someone is unhappy about people. "People shouldn't be role playing on the review section. Wow, don't be so rude. He or she is just saying that the review column for Hamlet is not the place for people to roleplay. There are websites for those and they should find them and do it on there instead. So just chill, okay?"

LIZ: I don't know. I disagree. I think this is the perfect place. It's basically praxis.

JULIAN: I voted no. I voted that that was not helpful.

LIZ: Okay, here's another one star review on the Guardians of Gahoole book. The title is "Moonkit, Snowkit, Firekit," and the content says, "Cry. 'We lost the clan,' they mew."

JULIAN: Aw.

PAZ: Oh no.

LIZ: That's so sad. I am going to put it as helpful, even though it's very sad.

PAZ: I'm going to see what's happening with Fire and Ice.

LIZ: Do you think this happens... is this like every book? It can't be every book. What if it's on like--

JULIAN: I'm so curious to know if like, do the people at Barnes and Noble know about this?

LIZ: Don't tell them. I don't want them to take this away.

PAZ: I don't know.

JULIAN: Like are there... do the people who coded the review section who like do the like systems admin at Barnes and Noble, do they know that they like supported a thriving community of Warrior Cats RPers?

PAZ: Yeah, I'm just, I cannot believe this has been like not been like moderated in some way.

JULIAN: Right?

PAZ: Anyway, here's a little somebody got in a little spat in the comment section of Fire and Ice. Someone posted two years ago, My dad's a vet, "These people are telling the truth. And please stop using their views to make up stupid little stories, RPs, self advertisement, and stuff like that. Some people might want to know what other people think about, and to be honest, it gets really annoying."

JULIAN: Damn.

PAZ: And then someone replied, "To Dad is a vet, we don't care what you think about RP. Some of us like having fun and meeting others."

LIZ: That's such a powerful response.

PAZ: I'm going to mark that second one as helpful.

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: Like I'm so curious... like, what books are all of these in? Are there Warriors Cats RPs in like the Decameron?

PAZ: Someone just like... someone do their like thesis on this. I need to know how this happened and why.

LIZ: The thing that the post said about like there being designated areas for certain like purposes is so fascinating to me, that there's a structure to it.

PAZ: Right?

LIZ: It's like a code. Like the fucking Canterbury Tales?

JULIAN: I think Chaucer would approve.

LIZ: It's so good.

JULIAN: Yeah, if any listeners of this podcast were involved in like the Barnes and Noble RP scene, please let us know. Please tell us how you got involved and like how it worked. I am so curious.

LIZ: I love this so much.

PAZ: This is absolutely wild to me.

JULIAN: Wow.

LIZ: Can I read you part of another bio? We're gonna be here all day if we keep just reading them, but this one's really good.

PAZ: Of course.

JULIAN: Of course.

LIZ: This is five stars, seven years ago, on Hamlet, from Zayn/Razorclaws. They've marked down gender as "Don't be stupid."

JULIAN: That's how I feel about gender.

LIZ: Mates as "man up and ask me."

PAZ: Damn.

LIZ: There's some regular descriptions and stuff. I just like that a lot. That's real powerful. Thank you Zayn/Razorclaws.

PAZ: But you're right. There's so many good ones. We could just be here...

LIZ: I know.

PAZ: For ages.

JULIAN: I'm going into the Harry Potter reviews.

LIZ: Oh no.

PAZ: Please let Warriors take over them. There is someone doing both Percy Jackson here in Fire and Ice, the title of which is Percy Turns Tiny II, Part Four.

LIZ: Part Four.

PAZ: They were just like writing like fanfic in these comments.

LIZ: They want to get on Barnes and Noble as a book. That's why. And I hope them--

JULIAN: Great news. It is hard to find because there's so many reviews of Harry Potter. But there was seven years ago, there was Warrior Cats RP.

LIZ: Good.

JULIAN: And also Percy Jackson RP.

PAZ: Fuck yes.

LIZ: Yeah, we should bring that back. Let's flood those out.

PAZ: Both of those series are better than Harry Potter.

LIZ: Okay, there is someone else's bio in Hamlet, and they're called Silvermoonstar. Their rank is assassin?

PAZ: Fuck yes.

LIZ: This is about the Warrior Cats because of the name and cat descriptions. But it says she's "an ex leader of Evil Chaos," capital letters. "The Resistance," capital letters, "and Evil Within," capital letters.

PAZ: Oh my god. Holy shit.

LIZ: This is amazing. "Other things you should know, eats kits." [gasps] This is a cannibal assassin.

JULIAN: Oh my god.

PAZ: Oh my god.

LIZ: Holy shit.

PAZ: There's some dark stuff happening in the Barnes and Noble comments section.

LIZ: "Family, none anymore. Crush, same as a long time ago."

PAZ: Of course.

JULIAN: Oh, someone has written some fanfiction in the review section of Harry Potter. It's Percy/Oliver.

PAZ: I don't remember who that is.

LIZ: He's your cat.

JULIAN: Oliver Wood, the captain of the Quidditch team and Percy Weasley, the snitch.

PAZ: Oh, I thought you were talking about Percy Jackson. I'm like, who?

JULIAN: Oh no.

LIZ: Oh.

PAZ: I don't know an Oliver. Oh, boy. Well, I'm hungry. So maybe we should leave it there. But this is a rich resource. And I invite all of our listeners to to look into this. Tell us what books you see and maybe that have been taken over by Warriors Cat RP.

LIZ: Can I end this with one last Hamlet review, which is just dialogue? It is addressed to all drunk cats. "What is going on here? What if we get attacked today?"

PAZ: Makes you think.

LIZ: What if we get attacked today?

JULIAN: Wow.

PAZ: Well, that's gonna do it for us today. As always, you can find us @staircast on Twitter. And if you have any questions or anecdotes-- say, if you were in this roleplay scene-- you can send that in to our email stairwaytostarclan@gmail.com. And next week, we'll be reading chapter 8 through 10. So if you're reading along, join us there. Until next time, may StarClan light your path. Bye.

LIZ: Bye.

JULIAN: Bye.

[outro music]

LIZ: Oh my god, is someone modding in the reviews? Sorry. I'm still here. Someone is being a mod in the reviews. I'm gonna just paste it. It's very... [laughs]

JULIAN: Someone else is pretending to be JK Rowling.

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: In the reviews of Harry Potter.

LIZ: Fuck.