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1.15 A.M. I found myself checking my teeth in mirror.
I surround an aura of makeup artists. Not just any artist but those who likes lollipops. My mother always praises me for how am I so direct and give such instant solutions to her bitter problems. She says how? I answered well if one’s parents fail to teach their children to be confident, one has to be on its own learn it by learning, falling, swimming, drowning, smiling, and crying on its own.…
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#30daysofwriting#beautyblog fashionblog fashionblog wordpress life quarantine love happy netflix#beautyblog fashionblog fashionblog wordpress life quarantine love happy netflix lifestyle makeup beauty apps selfcare mentalh#writer words article deep
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The factchecking this cycle has been so profoundly incompetent that it's finally getting some real backlash, but the extent of it really should be clear. So much of factchecking is not based in reality, but in a kind of contorted moon logic that can find true claims to be false and false ones to be true based on wildly inconsistent reasoning.
But this one really shows off some of the base assumptions of modern factchecking, and also bc it got a community note which is funny:
Let's take this one by one
The idea that quotes have any options but "he said it" or "he didn't say it". It is a binary, maybe with a third option of "it was clipped wildly out of context", but something you see constantly now is the idea that quoting someone's direct words without deceptive editing or removal of context can somehow be false
Pointlessly noting that it's from 2016, and that it's not clear if he currently believes it. What the hell does that matter to the question of if he said that in 2016? People understood that the "dig up someone's tweets from when they were 17" thing was inane, but they counter-balanced by apparently deciding that citing anything someone said more than about six months ago is Misinformation if we don't have objective evidence they would say the exact same thing now, even if there's no evidence they believe anything else. Analyzing someone's high school tweets and analyzing something the literal President said seven years ago are not equivalent
Noting that he walked it back following criticism. You see this constantly, too. Again, what does that matter to the question of if he said it? But this is just taken as a given now: if someone gets blowback and says "whoops I didn't mean it", that should be taken at face value. Effectively, Politifact is letting Donald Trump self-factcheck Donald Trump: their only evidence (and I read the article too) this is at all false is that Donald Trump said Donald Trump didn't really mean the words he said, so they must agree with the judgment of Donald Trump that Donald Trump was treated so unfairly here.
A general confusion over what factchecking is. If you're asked "did Donald Trump say this in 2016?", your sole job is to determine if he really said that in 2016. It's not to divine if he, deep in his heart, still believes it now. That's completely irrelevant.
The two guiding principles of modern factchecking are this: one, it's strongly rumored - and also, obvious to everyone literate - that the major factchecking sites have either standing orders to find equal numbers of lies on both sides, or are staffed by people who think it's their job to hold both sides equally to account (the exception is Snopes, whose writers are just terrible at their jobs). In the name of this, Donald Trump can say something on camera only for it to be judged false, while a Democratic politician can be excoriated for mildly rounding down a figure in a speech. A factchecking website once determined that saying climate change was a threat to life on this planet was a lie, because climate change won't kill all life on this planet. Politifact's lie of the year one year was a Democrat saying a Republican plan would "end Medicare as we know it", which was judged to be a lie because it wouldn't literally end Medicare completely. Figurative language needs to be scoured, comments said directly on camera need to be made fuzzy. This makes factchecking sites worthless at factchecking, because what even is this?
It's not true that Donald Trump will refuse to accept the election results, because he's merely said he won't accept, and has said if he loses, it's only because the election was fraudulent. Okay, what, do you demand that people prove he said his plans in exact words? What is the actual, functional difference between "he said he won't accept it" and "he said if he loses it's because he won and they stole it from him, and he won't commit to saying he'll accept it"? What are you talking about, who is this for? When you go to the Logic and Reason Site for Debunking & end up having to puzzle out their convoluted logic and reasoning to understand anything, the plot's been lost a bit
The other is the idea that context is exonerating. Any context at all. If they said they didn't mean it, partially false. If they walked it back, partially false. If they said it was taken out of context, partially false. If they said it a certain number of years ago, partially false. If there's a longer video, even if it shows functionally the same thing, pants on fire, five pinocchios.
Again, we have footage of Trump saying this, and the footage in the ad is unedited, and the factchecking website is declaring something that OBJECTIVELY HAPPENED WITH HARD EVIDENCE IT HAPPENED didn't really happen bc we don't know his heart, maybe he believes something different now, we simply can't know for certain. But we do know for certain. Because "false" at least used to mean "didn't happen". But factchecking sites are now on those Beyond Belief definitions of "true" and "false" I guess
But the real problem here is that they just accept anything someone being factchecked says at face value. Because, and I can't believe I'm saying this
It seems like the people paid to determine if other people are lying...have forgotten that people lie sometimes
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— HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS (LHS - 이희승)
SYNOPSIS ! an advice writer, you, starts on a bold new project for an article aiming to explain how to drive a man away in just 10 days. your editor is supports, so you set out to find a suitable man for her experiment. meanwhile, executive heeseung is equally confident in his ability to make any woman fall in love with him within 10 days. when you and heeseung cross paths, things slightly go off plan.
THE CAST heeseung x writer! fem reader
GENRE s2l, fluff, comedy, romance
WORD COUNT 5k+
WARNINGS parties, kissing, small grammar errors, yn kind of playing with heeseung at first, swearing, angst, crying
DANi NOTEZ hii this is for my liz's new event!!! this i based the rom com, how to lose a guy in 10 days. i kind of changed up scenes but the main idea and plot is based on the iconic 2000s movie. i've been writing this for abt 2-3 days? i thought it was good enough for liz' event so here i am. anyways i hope u enjoy it ><
BEING A WRITER HAS BEEN YOUR NUMBER ONE GOAL EVER SINCE HIGH SCHOOL. Now, at age 23, you were finally standing at the gates of the biggest magazine company ever. The sight alone sent chills down your spine, filling you with exhilaration.
Taking a deep breath, you pushed open the doors and stepped inside. The bustling activity, the hum of the printer, and the aroma of bitter coffee greeted you. You made your way to the elevator and anxiously pressed the button for the 17th floor.
Upon arrival, you awkwardly walked into the office. Your heart was pounding, and your knees were slightly shaking. You approached the manager's office and opened the door, finding yourself sitting in front of your section's main manager.
"YN LN?" the woman asked.
"Yes, ma'am," you replied stiffly, nerves evident in your voice.
"Welcome to our magazine company," she greeted, shaking your sweaty hand.
"Thank you," you responded with your usual sweet smile.
"Well, why don't you get to work?" she laughed. Your eyes widened, and you quickly stammered an apology, rushing to find your new desk and start brainstorming ideas.
For nearly two hours, you gazed out the window, feeling empty. No ideas were coming to you. It always seemed that the best ideas came at the worst times, and now, when you needed them most, your mind was blank.
"YN, just think…" you whispered to yourself, running your fingers through your hair. You glanced around the office, hoping for inspiration. Your eyes settled on a young man and woman engaged in a flirtatious conversation. Watching them smile and laugh together made you wonder if they were a couple or just interested in each other. (happy couples really did give you an ick.)
Then, it happened. The perfect idea. An idea that could possibly get you promoted and shake the whole world.
Quickly scribbling on your paper, the title snapped into your mind: "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days."
YOU MIGHT BE WONDERING, how do you even lose a guy in 10 days? Easy—just find a guy and drive him away by doing stereotypical “girl things.” Sounds like a piece of cake, right?
“YN, that is one of the BEST ideas I’ve ever heard!” your editor, Yeseo, exclaims.
“Really?” you ask, eagerly smiling.
“It’s perfect! It would catch everyone’s attention!” Yeseo explains, her eyes lighting up as she imagines the situation.
“So, how are you going to write this?” Yeseo raises an eyebrow.
“I’ll try it out myself and document my experiences. That way, it’s more authentic,” you shrug.
“That sounds great. Just journal your experiences each day,” Yeseo nods, agreeing with your plan. “I’m so excited to see the final product, YN. Email me once you’re finished, and we’ll get it published within weeks.”
You give her a quick smile before leaving her office, ready to start your new adventure.
PARTIES. USUALLY ONE OF THE THINGS YOU ABSOLUTELY HATED. The noise of couples kissing, people screaming, and music blasting through the speakers was just not your thing. The way sweaty bodies brush against each other as they chug alcohol. Parties are truly the thing you hate the most.
“So you’re telling me your new article for the magazine is about how to get a boy to dump you in 10 days?” Karina raised her eyebrow.
“In other words, yes,” you smiled. “I mean, what’s the worst that can happen?”
“Possibly it not working,” Giselle interjected.
“Well, it will. I’ve planned the whole thing,” you grinned with a hint of pride. “My editor was impressed. I’m sure it’ll work.”
“If you say so,” Karina laughed at your confidence.
“So basically, YN will get a boyfriend before me?” Ningning asked, shocked.
“Well, he’s not gonna be my boyfriend. He’s more like a test,” you replied uncertainty. As you continued to explain your plan, you felt a gaze fixed on you from across the room.
A FEW MINUTES BEFORE
“I bet you can’t get a girlfriend,” Jake joked.
“I can,” Heeseung rolled his eyes.
“Wanna bet on it, then?” Jake's eyes glinted with playfulness.
“Deal,” Heeseung confirmed.
“If you get that girl over there as your girlfriend, then I’ll give you a thousand dollars.” Jake smirked, pointing at you across the room.
“Her?” Heeseung raised his eyebrow as he checked you out. You were pretty to his eyes, though he wasn’t sure if he had the courage to approach you.
“Yup, her,” Jake grinned.
“Deal, I’ll have her in my arms within a day,” Heeseung winked before walking over to ask for your number.
NOW
“No way my plan will fail–” your voice stopped as Heeseung approached, tapping your shoulder lightly.
“Hi,” he greeted you with a welcoming smile.
“Uh, hi?” you replied, confused.
“You’re kind of cute. Can I get your number?” Heeseung asked, the words not quite rolling off his tongue as he had never done this before.
Your cheeks burned slightly as you stared. “Sure?” He was quite cute, with his sweet smile and perfectly styled hair. You gave him your number, and he mentioned he would text you later before walking off.
“YN, you know what that means?” Giselle raised her eyebrow.
“Huh?” you looked confused.
“You can use him as your test,” Winter recalled. Your eyes then widened. Perfect! He would be the perfect subject for your new article. Now, how were you going to make him yours?
YOU SIT ON YOUR BED, staring at your phone, debating whether to text Heeseung first. Your fingers hover over the keyboard, a mixture of nervousness and excitement bubbling inside you. Finally, you take a deep breath and type out a message.
YN: Hi, it’s YN. We met at the party earlier, you asked for my number. :)
You hit send and immediately feel a rush of anxiety. What if he doesn’t respond? What if he thinks you’re weird? You try to distract yourself by scrolling through social media, but the minutes feel like hours. Suddenly, your phone buzzes.
Heeseung: Hey, of course I remember. How's your night going?
YN: It’s going good, just relaxing now. How about you?
Heeseung: Same here. Just got home. That party was a bit too much for me, tbh
You smile, feeling a little more at ease.
YN: Agreed, not rlly a party person lmao
Heeseung: Really? Me neither. I actually prefer a quiet night with some good music.
YN: Same, what kind of music do you like?
Heeseung: I listen to a lot like R&B and indie ig
YN: oh rlly? Same w me
Heeseung: oh that’s cool
Heeseung: also wanna meet up one day?
YN: That would be amazing. I’m totally up for it.
Heeseung: Cool, it’s a date then. :)
You can’t help but smile at his message, feeling a flutter of excitement.
YN: Sounds like a plan.
Heeseung: It’s getting late. I should probably get some sleep. But I’m glad we got to talk tonight.
YN: Me too. Sleep well, Heeseung. Talk to you tomorrow?
Heeseung: Definitely. Goodnight, YN. :)
You set your phone down, a smile still on your face. This might just be the start of something interesting.
YOU TAKE A DEEP BREATH, smoothing out your outfit one last time before stepping into the restaurant. Heeseung is already there, waiting at a table near the window. He spots you and waves, a warm smile spreading across his face. You give a small smile back.
“Hi,” you greet him as you sit down.
“Hey,” he replies, “You look great.”
“Thanks, you too.”
The waiter comes over to take your orders, and there’s a moment of awkward silence as you both look at the menus.
“So, uh, do you come here often?” Heeseung asks, attempting to break the ice.
“Actually, it’s my first time,” you admit.
“I see,” Heeseung awkwardly laughs.
AFTER DINNER, you both step outside into the cool evening air, feeling more comfortable in each other’s presence.
“That was really nice,” Heeseung says, stuffing his hands into his pockets.
“Yeah, it was,” you agree, feeling a sense of relief that the awkwardness from earlier has faded.
You walk side by side down the quiet street, enjoying the peaceful atmosphere.
“Do you live far from here?” Heeseung asks, breaking the silence.
“Not too far. Just a few blocks away,” you reply, glancing at him.
“Oh I see,” he says, smiling.
As you continued walking, the two of you began to chatter off. The conversation flows effortlessly, and you find yourself laughing at his jokes and sharing your own stories.
“Did you see the sunset earlier?” Heeseung asks, pointing to the sky, which is now painted with shades of orange and pink.
“Yeah, it was beautiful,” you say, smiling at the sight.
“I had a really good time tonight,” Heeseung says, looking at you with a soft smile.
“Me too,” you reply, feeling a warmth spread through you.
As you reach your street, you both come to a stop.
“Well, I guess this is where we part ways,” Heeseung says, looking a little reluctant to leave.
“Yeah,” you say, feeling a twinge of disappointment.
“Thanks for tonight, YN. I had a great time,” he says, stepping closer to you, “Maybe another time we can hang out again.”
“Thank you too, Heeseung. That sounds great,” you reply, feeling a rush of happiness.
YOU DECIDE IT'S TIME TO PUT YOUR PLAN INTO ACTION. You’ve thought through every detail, determined to see if your article concept works in real life. Step one: find an ugly dog and some hideous clothes. You’ve got the perfect ideas in mind.
You meet Heeseung outside his apartment, holding a small, scruffy dog with a face only its owner could love. You flash him a bright smile as he opens the door.
“Surprise!” you exclaim. “I got us a dog!”
Heeseung’s eyes widen as he takes in the sight of the dog. “Uh, wow, YN. That’s…unexpected.”
“Isn’t he adorable?” you gush, ignoring the bewilderment on Heeseung’s face. “I named him Snuggles.”
“Snuggles, huh?” Heeseung says, trying to muster enthusiasm. “Yeah, he’s…something.”
You place Snuggles in Heeseung’s arms, watching as the dog licks his face with an enthusiastic, slobbery tongue. Heeseung grimaces slightly but manages a strained smile.
“Let’s take him for a walk,” you suggest brightly, grabbing a garishly colored leash from your bag.
Later that evening, you bring out the next part of your plan: an outfit so hideous that it should be impossible for Heeseung to bear. You hand him a neon green tracksuit with orange polka dots and a pair of mismatched shoes.
“I thought we could match!” you say, revealing your identical outfit. “Isn’t it fun?”
Heeseung looks at the clothes, then back at you, clearly unsure how to respond. “Wow, YN. This is…unique.”
“You don’t like it?” you ask, pouting slightly.
“No, no, it’s great,” he says quickly. “I’ll just, uh, go change.”
When he returns, you both look like you’ve stepped out of a bad 80s workout video. You can’t help but laugh at the absurdity, but Heeseung seems to be struggling to keep a straight face.
“Let’s go grab dinner,” you say, linking your arm with his. “I made reservations at that fancy restaurant downtown.”
At the restaurant, the two of you turn heads as you walk in, dressed in your eye-searing outfits. The hostess tries to maintain her professionalism as she leads you to your table, but you can see the corners of her mouth twitching.
Throughout dinner, you do your best to be as irritating as possible. You chew with your mouth open, talk loudly, and insist on ordering the strangest items on the menu.
“Are you sure you want the pizza?” Heeseung asks, a note of disbelief in his voice.
“Absolutely,” you reply, grinning. “And I think you should try it too!”
Heeseung hesitates but eventually nods. “Sure, why not?”
Here you were, sitting on your bed as you write your story. Typing away and zoning out, it had to be working right? He obviously would be over you by next week. All you needed was one more shove to drive him away soon as possible. Just 5 more days..
YOU PUSH YOUR CART THROUGH the aisles of the grocery store, scanning the shelves for the items on your list. As you reach for a box of cereal, you hear a familiar voice behind you.
“YN?”
You turn to see Heeseung approaching, a smile lighting up his face. “Oh, hi Heeseung,” you say with a smile.
“Nice to see you here,” he says, falling into step beside you.
“Yeah, I just needed to grab a few things,” you reply, feeling a bit flustered by his presence.
Heeseung nods, and for a moment, there’s an awkward silence as you both continue browsing. Suddenly, you realize you can’t reach the item you need on the top shelf.
“Um, Heeseung, do you think you could help me with something?” you ask, feeling a bit embarrassed.
“Of course, what do you need?” he replies, stepping closer.
“I just need to grab that box up there,” you say, pointing to the top shelf.
“Sure thing,” Heeseung says, reaching up to grab the box.
But as he stretches, you accidentally bump into him, causing him to lose his balance. In a split second, you reach out to steady him, but instead, you end up stumbling backward, crashing to the ground on top of him. Your face merely inches from each other.
“I’m sorry about that!” you exclaim, your face burning with embarrassment.
“It’s okay, don’t worry about it,” he says, his cheeks also flushed as he helps you up.
“Um, we should probably get up,” you say, feeling flustered.
“Yeah, definitely,” Heeseung agrees, scrambling to his feet.
You both straighten your clothes and try to regain your composure, but the awkwardness lingers in the air.
“Well, um, thanks for trying to help,” you say, feeling a bit embarrassed.
“Anytime,” Heeseung replies with a sheepish smile. You exchange a quick awkward glance before awkwardly walking back to do your own things.
YOU AND HEESEUNG STEP INTO THE DIMLY LIT MOVIE THEATER, the smell of popcorn filling the air. You’ve been looking forward to this night out, hoping it will help end your plan to drive him away. As you settle into your seats, the lights dim, and the movie begins.
The film is a romantic comedy, and as the story unfolds, you find yourself getting lost in the plot. But when the characters share a kiss on screen, you feel a sudden tension between you and Heeseung.
You glance at him out of the corner of your eye, and you can see that he’s watching you, his expression unreadable. You both look away awkwardly, feeling a flush of embarrassment.
As the movie progresses, the tension between you only grows. You can feel Heeseung’s eyes on you, and you struggle to focus on the screen, your heart pounding in your chest.
Suddenly, as another kiss happens, Heeseung leans in closer to you. You freeze, unsure of what to do. Is he going to kiss you? But then, almost as if on cue, Heeseung leans in closer, his lips hovering just inches from yours. His breath mingles with yours, his warm exhales tickling your skin as he leans in, his lips drawing closer to yours. You can feel the gentle brush of his breath against your mouth, sending shivers down your spine.
Your heart pounds in your chest as you feel the warmth of his breath against your skin. And then, in a heartbeat, he closes the gap between you, his lips pressing softly against yours. It’s a gentle kiss, but hesitant at first, but soon it deepens. You can’t help but respond, your hands finding their way to his shoulders.
You melt into the kiss, losing yourself in the sensation of his lips against yours. When you finally pull away, your heart is racing, and your mind is buzzing with emotions. You meet Heeseung’s gaze, and you can see the same uncertainty reflected in his eyes.
“Wow,” he whispers, his voice barely audible over the sound of the movie.
“Yeah,” you murmur, at a loss for words.
As the movie comes to an end, you both sit in silence, the weight of what just happened hanging in the air. But despite the awkwardness, you can’t shake the feeling that something has shifted between you.
As you leave the theater, you can’t help but replay the kiss in your mind, feeling a sense of warmth and longing that you can’t ignore. And as you walk hand in hand with Heeseung, you realize with a start that maybe, just maybe, you’re falling in love.
AS YOU LIE IN BED THAT NIGHT, the events of the evening replay in your mind. The gentle touch of Heeseung's lips against yours, the warmth of his embrace—it all stuck in your head.
You stare up at the ceiling, think to yourself. Love? It's a word you're not ready to utter, a feeling too intense to comprehend. You try to push the thought aside.
You roll onto your side, pulling the covers tighter around you. You couldn’t be in love? All that effort you put in to get rid of him. It was your 8th day, just two more days. You couldn’t do it anymore. As you drift off to sleep, the question echoes in your mind. Are you falling in love with Heeseung?
THE REALIZATION HITS YOU like a ton of bricks, leaving you feeling breathless. Could it be true? Are you actually falling in love with Heeseung?
The thought consumes you as you go about your day. By the time evening arrives, you can't shake the feeling that you needed to end it.
Summoning every ounce of courage, you pick up your phone and dial your editor's number. When she answers, you get yourself together for the conversation ahead.
"Hey, it's me," you begin, "I need to talk to you about the article."
There's a pause on the other end of the line, and you can almost hear the curiosity in her voice as she responds. "Sure, what's up?"
"I… I can't write it," you admit, the words feeling like a confession. "I just don't feel right about it anymore."
There's a moment of silence before your editor speaks again, her tone firm."No, you're writing it," she says, leaving no room for argument.
"But—" you start to protest, but she cuts you off before you can continue.
"No buts," she insists. "We've already agreed on the topic, and you're the best person for the job. I expect to see the first draft on my desk by the end of the week."
You sigh, feeling defeated. It's clear that your editor isn't going to budge on this issue, and you know that arguing further would be a waste.
"Okay," you say reluctantly, resigning yourself to the task at hand. "I'll get it done."
AS YOU SIT ON YOUR COUCH, trying to make sense of everything that's happened, until you hear Heeseung pick up a call.
“ Heeseung!" Jake's voice crackles through the phone, filled with excitement. "So, have you sealed the deal yet? Win YN over?"
Your heart skips a beat at the mention of your name and you instinctively lean in closer, eager to hear his response. But as you listen, the color drains from your face, and a cold dread settles in the pit of your stomach.
"The bet that I could get YN in 10 days?," Heeseung's voice comes through the phone, his words cutting through the air, "I thought I could, but…"
Your heart shatters. Your knees started to shake. How could you have been so blind? How could you have let yourself fall for someone who was playing a game with your feelings?
Before you can hear the rest of his sentence, you leave the room silently. "I thought I could, but…" The words replay in your head.As the reality sinks in, you realize that you may have just broken your own heart, listening in on a conversation that was never meant for your ears. He played with you. He was using you. You feel like a fool, blindsided by the truth that's been staring you in the face all along.
You walk yourself to the nearest taxi before coming back to your empty apartment. You lie on bed, your palms on your eyes, sobbing quietly. Why should you care? I mean he was just an experiment — right?
THE MORNING SUNLIGHT FILTERS through the curtains as you sit on your bed, thoughts rushing through your mind. The wounds from last night were still raw, as you feel tired and sick. You kew what you have to do. You began to type your last paragraph of the article before submitting it to your editor.
With the article sent, you feel a mix of anxiety and relief. You know the revised piece is honest and raw, reflecting your own experience. But there’s one more thing you need to do to truly move forward.
To: Editor Yeseo
Subject: Resignation Letter
Dear Yeseo,
I am writing to formally resign from my position as a writer, effective immediately. I appreciate the opportunities I have had here and the support from the team, but I must prioritize my well-being at this time.
Thank you for your understanding.
Sincerely, YN
You hit send, feeling an overwhelming amount of pain. Being a writer had been your dream job, but now, it feels like a chapter you need to close. As you sit in your now-quiet apartment, you feel a pang of sadness. The memories of the past few weeks with Heeseung linger, but you push them aside.
You start with your closet, pulling out clothes and sorting them into piles: keep, donate, and toss. You take down the photos and posters from the walls, each one a reminder of the life you’re leaving behind.
Next, you move to the kitchen, packing up dishes, utensils, and small appliances. You wrap everything carefully, methodically, as if each item represents a piece of your heart that you’re trying to protect.
Your phone buzzes with messages from Heeseung, but you ignore them. Making them be left on delivered. You move to the living room, packing up books, DVDs, and mementos. You’re not just packing up your belongings; you’re packing up your old life, preparing to move on and start new.
IN HIS DIMLY LIT APARTMENT, Heeseung sits on the edge of his bed, the glow of his laptop screen casting shadows across his face. His heart pounds in his chest as he opens the email attachment—a document titled "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days—And Fall in Love in the Process" by [Your Name].
As the page loads, he takes a deep breath, steeling himself for what he's about to read. The cursor hovers over the first paragraph, and with a trembling hand, he begins to scroll down.
Heeseung sits at his desk, his heart pounding in his chest as he reads the article that has just landed in his inbox. With each word, his emotions spiral into a whirlwind of confusion and disbelief.
"When I set out to write this article..."
He reads the opening sentence, his brow furrowing in confusion. What article is this? And why does it sound so familiar?
As he continues to read, the pieces start to fall into place. The description of the article, the unexpected turn of events—it's all too familiar, too painful to ignore.
"I met someone who was supposed to be just a test subject..."
Heeseung's breath catches in his throat as he realizes what he's reading. This is about him. About the bet, about the article he overheard, about everything.
He reads on, his heart pounding louder with each passing sentence:
When I set out to write this article, the plan was simple: follow a set of steps to make a guy dump me in ten days. It was supposed to be a fun, light-hearted challenge—a piece to entertain our readers. But life, as it often does, had other plans.
I met someone who was supposed to be just a test subject. But as the days went by, something unexpected happened. The more I tried to push him away, the closer we became. Every awkward moment, every forced argument, every silly plan to drive him away only brought us closer together.
I found myself laughing at his jokes, looking forward to our time together, and, against all odds, feeling a connection I hadn't anticipated. What started as a challenge turned into a journey of discovery—not just about him, but about myself.
I realized that love isn't something you can plan or control. It sneaks up on you when you least expect it, breaking down the walls you've carefully built around your heart. And sometimes, the person you're trying to lose ends up being the one you can't imagine living without.
So, dear readers, this isn't the article I set out to write. It's not about foolproof ways to make a guy dump you. Instead, it's a story about how, in the process of trying to push someone away, I found myself falling in love. It's messy, it's unexpected, and it's beautiful.
Life has a funny way of turning our plans upside down. And sometimes, the best stories are the ones we never meant to write.
He closes the magazine, his mind spinning with thoughts of you. He knows he needs to find you, to talk to you, to tell you how he feels. He can't let this opportunity slip away, can't let the chance to be with you slip through his fingers.
With a sense of determination, Heeseung rises from his seat, his heart pounding in his chest. He knows he has to find you, to tell you how he feels, to see if maybe, just maybe, you feel the same way too.
HEESEUNG'S HEART RACES AS HE RUSHES THROUGH THE STREETS, his mind consumed with thoughts of you. He knows he needs to find you, to talk to you, to tell you everything.
As he rounds the corner, he sees your apartment building looming ahead. His steps quicken, his breath coming in short, ragged gasps. He's so close now, so close to finally telling you how he feels.
But as he reaches your building, his heart sinks at the sight before him. He sees movers loading boxes into a truck parked outside, and he realizes with a sinking feeling that you're moving away.
Heeseung's chest tightens with panic, his mind racing as he searches for a solution. He can't let you slip away, can't let this chance to be with you slip through his fingers. He rushes toward the building, his thoughts jumbled all up.
As he bursts through the door, he sees you standing in the hallway, a suitcase at your feet, tears streaming down your face. His heart breaks at the sight of your sadness, and he knows he needs to act fast.
"Y/N!" he calls out, his voice echoing through the empty hallway. You turn to face him, your eyes widening in surprise at the sight of him standing there.
"Heeseung?" you whisper, your voice trembling with emotion. "What are you doing here?"
Heeseung takes a deep breath, steeling himself for what he's about to say. "I need to talk to you," he says, his voice filled with urgency. "There's something I need to tell you, something I should have told you a long time ago."
He steps closer to you, his eyes never leaving yours. "I was part of the bet," he admits, his voice barely above a whisper. "But it was never about winning a thousand dollars or proving anything to Jake. It was about proving something to myself—to prove that I could be the kind of guy who deserves someone like you."
Tears well up in your eyes as you listen to his confession, your heart aching with a mix of sadness and hope. "Heeseung…" you whisper, reaching out to touch his hand.
But Heeseung doesn't wait for you to say anything more. With a surge of courage, he leans in and presses his lips to yours, pouring all of his love and longing into the kiss.
As Heeseung's lips meet yours in that soft, tender kiss, his hands gently find their way to your waist, pulling you closer to him.
You feel the heat of his body against yours, the closeness intensifying the sensation of his lips moving against yours. His touch is gentle yet possessive, his fingers tracing patterns on your skin as if memorizing every curve of your body.
You pull away, staring and laughing for a moment.
"I love you," you whisper softly.
"I love you more," he smiles back, quietly leaning his forehead against yours to quickly catch his lips on yours again. Maybe writing that article wasn't so bad after all.
#ʚ( ៸៸ ´ `) 𝑜𝑓 : 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 ︐#੭୧ — like the movies 🎞️#k-labels#enhypen#enhypen fluff#enhypen scenarios#enhypen imagines#heeseung imagines#lee heeseung#sunghoon#engene#heeseung#jay enhypen#enhypen heeseung#heeseung fluff#lee heeseung imagines#lee heeseung x reader#sim jake#heeseung enhypen#heeseung scenarios#yang jungwon#jake enhypen#enha fluff#enha#enhypen jake#enha sunoo#enha imagines#enha x reader
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The Return
Batter Up Chapter 7
Pairing: Baseball player Joel Miller x Female Reader Rating: Explicit. 18+ (Minors DNI) Summary: After a month of being away from the game and the girl he loves, Joel Miller is back and ready to play. Warnings: smut, making a sex tape, oral (f receiving), unprotected p in v (reader has an IUD), cream pie, also regular pie, joel miller's dirty mouth, wine. Words: 5,000
A/N: Thank you to my dearest @devineconjuring and her beautiful brain for beta'ing and being my grammar goddess.
Masterlist Playlist
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The crowd chants Joel’s name, lights flicker through the stadium, the ground feels like it’s shaking beneath his feet. He loves this feeling—the rush of adrenaline coursing through him, the loud crowd drowning out every doubt he’s ever felt. After three weeks on the injured list and another week rehabbing in the minors–a month away from the big leagues–Joel Miller is back.
He walks to the plate, digging his heels into the dirt and tapping his bat against the plate as he soaks in the moment.
“Miller, good to see you back,” the catcher says.
Joel nods, and grunts an acknowledgment back.
His eyes settle on the pitcher, some young phenom throwing 99-mph with almost every pitch. Don’t worry kid, you’ll get old like me.
The first pitch whooshes past him—ball one.
Ball two.
Strike one.
The pitcher’s keeping it a little outside, Joel inches closer to the plate, squaring up. The pitcher winds up again, Joel takes a deep breath, feeling the vibration of the bat as it connects with the ball. The crack of the bat reverberates through the stadium as the ball soars past the infield, over the outfield, and disappears beyond the right-field fence.
Home run.
The crowd erupts, the celebratory bell tolls as he rounds the bases. His eyes scan the club box above third base, finding you amidst the cheering fans, your arms raised high, that smile of yours lighting up his heart.
Joel Miller is back, doing what he loves, and now in front of the woman he loves.
__
You’re so proud of him. You wipe the tears from your eyes as Joel’s feet touch home base. His recovery wasn’t easy. Every week away from the game for someone as old as him means double the work versus a young kid just in the game. Forty year olds aren’t known for being pro athletes.
With the long Labor Day weekend, you were able to take time off from work and travel by train to Philadelphia to witness Joel's celebrated comeback, which had turned into a legend after his grand slam. Suddenly, all of your worries are lifted away. The stress of telling your families that you're a couple, your demanding job as a column writer at Sporting Digest that revolves around the ebb and flow of games, trades, and record breaking moments–none of it matters now.
Your responsibilities at work have been stacking up over the past few weeks. Churning out articles on everything from college football predictions to analyses of NBA draft picks. When you were hired you agreed to not cover baseball, what with the conflict of interest and all. Now, you dream of the headlines you could write about your boyfriend’s triumphant return.
You’ve barely been able to leave your laptop. Last week, you spent three days shadowing a tennis star at the US Open, scribbling notes on her training and the pressure of being labeled the “next big thing.” You’ve barely had time to breathe, let alone do laundry, go grocery shopping, and, most importantly, be there for Joel. You put in countless hours of work to make this long weekend possible, just so you could witness his big comeback firsthand.
“Heck of a player that Miller is,” you hear the TV in the corner say. “He sure knows how to show everyone he’s still got it, doesn’t he?”
You clutch his number dangling from your neck, you’re so proud of him, always proving everybody wrong. Well worth every sacrifice.
__
The Liberties win, 4-0, all thanks to Joel’s grand slam in the first inning. Sports radio is going to have a field day with this.
You make your way down to the stadium’s corridors, where staff rush around with more important tasks than yours.
The Liberties clubhouse sits just ahead of you, the two large blue doors stay closed to onlookers. You rest your back against the cold cinder block wall and send Joel a text, telling him to take his time.
A year ago, you never could’ve imagined this. Joel Miller—rugged, no-nonsense baseball star, the man who occupied your teenage dreams—now your boyfriend. The man who keeps your favorite pasta sauce in his pantry. The man who goes mattress shopping with you. It feels surreal, yet so real at the same time.
Every time that damn blue door opens your heart skips a beat, hoping you’ll find Joel walking out. False alarm after false alarm.
Until…
Joel emerges, hair slicked back, wearing a gray Liberties shirt, khaki pants, and those cheesy white New Balance sneakers you tease him relentlessly about. Joel, you’re way too rich to be wearing these damn ragged shoes.
“Hi baby,” he smiles as he wraps his arms around you, pushing you further against the wall.
“Hi,” you breathlessly respond, smelling the body wash on his skin. Damn, he showered. “Good game.”
“It was, wasn’t it?”
You can’t help but smile at how happy he is, back where he belongs, doing what he loves.
“Come on,” he says, pulling you close. “Let’s go celebrate.” His arm stays around your waist as he leads you through the corridors to his car.
It’s so freeing now, being able to cheer for—and love—Joel out in the open, for all eyes to see.
__
“You know you made me cry today, right?” you say, reaching for his hand resting on your thigh.
“I did, huh?” he replies with a smirk on his face.
He always looks so confident as he drives. Philly’s narrow streets, filled with potholes and pedestrians, are nothing like Austin’s, but he navigates them as effortlessly as he does everything else—injuries, tough teammates, media storms. He handles it all like he handles a fastball: with ease.
“Yeah, I’m really proud of you,” you tell him softly, grabbing his hand harder. “I know I’ve said it a hundred times, but I’m just so happy to be here for you.”
He smiles that quiet Joel smile. “That’s how I feel watching you handle everything too.”
"So, where are we headed?" you ask, noticing you're not on the route to his apartment. “I hope I’m dressed okay,” you say, looking down at your simple red gingham dress.
"It’s a surprise. You’ll be fine, you look beautiful baby," he says.
The car winds through the city. You glance over, watching the city lights flicker across his face as the car turns off the main road, slipping into a quieter neighborhood.
The car pulls up to a small, unassuming brick building tucked away on a quiet side street. No flashy sign, no valet—just a discreet, vintage lantern hangs above the door. It’s definitely a place Joel prefers.
He turns off the car and turns to you, his hand still resting on your thigh. “Thought we’d keep it low-key,” his deep voice rumbles in the quiet of the car.
You nod, your smile widening. “Perfect.”
He steps out of the car and, ever the gentleman, comes around to open your door before guiding you toward the entrance. You wrap your arm around his, leaning into his warmth as he leads you inside.
—
“Mr. Miller, welcome to Vetri Cucina. We’re happy to have you here. Let me show you to your table.”
“Silvio," Joel says with a firm handshake. "Good to see you. Thanks."
Your eyes scan the cozy space. Shiny worn floorboards, warm amber walls, a glistening chandelier that hangs from the low ceiling–you’ve never seen a place like this before. Little did you know that behind the unassuming brick row home exterior there would be a whole functional restaurant. It feels like the perfect mix of a place for the two of you, rustic and intimate.
Silvio leads you both up a narrow staircase to a private room on the second floor. A table for two sits in the center of the room. A red glass chandelier hangs above it, candlelights flickering shadows across the golden walls..
“So, we’re still hiding our dinners with each other away from prying eyes?” you tease as Joel pulls the chair out for you and you take a seat.
“Not exactly,” he says, taking your hand in his. “I just wanted to show off that I can get us a private table at one of the best restaurants in Philly.”
You laugh. “I’m sure there’s a Golden Corral around here.”
Joel chuckles. “Very funny. But trust me—you’ll love it here. They’ve got all the fancy dishes with those French words you like.”
“You know me too well.”
“Better than you think,” he says, his eyes gleaming under the golden light.
—
A waiter approaches, a polished smile on his face. “Good evening, and welcome. My name is Royal, and I’ll be taking care of you tonight. We have a special tasting menu prepared just for you, personally selected by our chef. It’ll start with an appetizer, followed by a pasta course, a main, and dessert.”
Your mouth waters as Royal pours you a glass of wine.
”Each course will be paired with a wine from our grand collection. Your first course will be out shortly. In the meantime, is there anything else I can bring you?”
Joel shakes his head. “We’re all set, thanks.”
“Wow,” you say once the waiter leaves, glancing around the elegantly set table. “I feel a little underdressed for a tasting menu.”
Joel shrugs. “I have a feeling they won’t care what we’re wearing once I pay the bill. Besides,” he says with a smile, “I like you in that red dress.”
“Atta boy, Texas,” you say, smiling as you sip your wine.
—
After a couple courses of delicious appetizers that you happily eat, but Joel barely touches, the water returns, presenting the main course with a flourish.
"For your entrée, we have our signature dish: salt-crusted tilapia with a bread salad of parsley and tomatoes, alongside grilled artichokes on a bed of smoked squash puree."
You glance at Joel as the waiter expertly cracks the salt crust, revealing the perfectly cooked fish underneath. You know Joel hates fish and artichokes. The waiter sets down two glasses of white wine and disappears, leaving you both alone with the dish.
"Baby, what are you going to do?" you ask, eyes wide as Joel picks up his fork.
“Don’t worry about me. I’m here to impress you,” he says with determination before spearing a piece of the fish. He takes a bite, his nose crinkling ever so slightly as he chews.
“How is it?” you ask, biting back a smile.
Joel grimaces. “I’ve had better.”
You chuckle softly, shaking your head. “Please don’t eat it. I know the only fish you like is fried.”
“Always been more of a Filet O Fish man myself.”
“I don’t think they’ve got tartar sauce here, so please, for me, don’t force yourself.”
He sets down his fork with a relieved sigh, his hand finding yours again. “Anything for you.”
When the waiter returns, he doesn’t comment on Joel’s barely touched plate, but you notice a subtle, appreciative smile as he clears away your empty dish.
“Well,” you say, leaning back, happy and full from dinner. “At least there’s dessert.”
“Never said no to dessert,” he chuckles, before looking you in the eyes with adoration.
"You know," he begins, his voice low and serious, "I couldn't have done this without you. Coming back after my injury—”
Joel's voice trails off as he searches for the right words. His eyes stare into yours. You squeeze his hand encouragingly, needing to hear more.
“It wasn’t just physical,” he continues. “It was mental. Wondering if I still had it within me, if I was too old, if it was time for me to hang up my cleats. But you—you never doubted me for a second.”
Tears pool in your eyes as his thumb brushes back and forth against your knuckles.
"I’ve always been your fan, Joel. I’ll always believe in you.”
He nods, a small smile lighting his face. “I know, and that’s what got me through. I love you.”
“I love you too,” you smile through tears.
The waiter approaches with dessert, you silently thank the interruption so you’re not left sobbing in the middle of this beautiful restaurant over how much you love your boyfriend.
A familiar slice of pie is placed in front of you and Joel.
“Uppercrust?” you excitedly ask, your eyes widening at the large, glazed pecans laying atop the golden crust.
Joel gives a shy, satisfied nod, his lips curving into that familiar, gentle smile. "Thought we’d end the night with our favorite. Had Sarah overnight it to the restaurant."
“Jooooel,” you breathe out, overwhelmed by his thoughtfulness. You stare at the pie, stunned by how deeply he cares for you.
“All for you baby,” he says softly as he lifts his fork and cheers with a playful smile. “Cheers to Austin and that hotel bar.”
You laugh, grabbing your own fork and tapping it against his. “Cheers,” you whisper, trying to steady your voice.
“Oh my god,” you moan around the fork at the first taste of sweet pie. “I can’t believe you got this. You’re too good to me.”
He barks a laugh. “Baby, this is nothing, I owe you so much.”
The pie is sweet, but your boyfriend is sweeter.
The sweet wine served with the pie warms your body, Joel’s smile from across the table warms you even more. You sneakily slip your foot out of its sandal, and run it up his leg, making your way up to his crotch. He jumps in surprise, his eyes leer at you as he takes a sip of wine. Your foot finds its target, against the soft fabric of his pants, thankful for the white tablecloth that hangs from the table. He places a hand on your foot, pushing it closer to his crotch. You giggle as your toes wiggle back and forth, teasing him.
“So, what’s next?” you ask, with a mischievous grin.
"Well, after we finish dinner, I'll pay the bill, grab some leftover pie for later...and then take you home and fuck you," he responds confidently.
A small hmph escapes your lips at the promise. “Is that so?”
“Oh, it absolutely is,” he replies, a sly grin spreading across his face. He leans in close, his voice lowering to a secretive whisper. “Just think about it—my place, those fancy sheets of mine you love so much…”
His hand wraps around your foot, pressing it harder against him.
“Now you’re just making me impatient,” you tease.
—-
The plates are cleared, the leftover pie is boxed up, Joel settles the bill and rises from his seat, extending his hand to help you up.
Your fingers lace together as you step out into the warm summer night. Joel leads you to his car, unlocking it and opening the door for you. You lean over and seal your mouth over his, relishing in being able to kiss him out in the open. You pull away and give him a smirk before getting in and sliding across the passenger seat, your heart racing with anticipation for the next stop—Joel’s apartment.
Your time together has been precious and few. Your career keeps you north in New York, Joel’s training and rehabilitation game have kept him busy and all over the states. But now, you finally have three nights together—the most time you've had since his injury a month ago.
He glances over at you and winks before he adjusts the rearview mirror. You miss his truck back in Austin, the front bench seat allowing you to slide over and cuddle him close. You curse the existence of the center console.
“Buckle up, baby,” he says with a grin. Your heart races at the double entendre.
—-
Taking the elevator up to Joel's penthouse brings back memories of that first night together, when you couldn't believe how handsome he looked in that golden elevator at the hotel, not believing you were about to sleep with Joel Miller. Now, his body presses against yours as you lean on him, his head nestled in the crook of your neck as he leaves sweet kisses down your skin to the matching pendant of his number you wear, leaving a kiss against it before his eyes meet yours.
“I can’t tell you how much I love seeing this on you, baby,” he says before licking his way up to your mouth, sealing his over yours. He grabs your ass, lifting you into his hold, your legs instinctively wrap around his waist, your arms wrap around his wide shoulders.
The elevator doors open and he carries you into his penthouse, crowding you against the entryway wall. His mouth moves against yours with fervor, deepening the kiss as your fingers tangle in his hair. You gasp against his mouth, the cool wall chilling your overheated skin.
“God, you’re so beautiful,” he murmurs between kisses, his breath warm and sweet against your lips. “I’ve missed this—missed you.”
He turns and carries you to the living room. The ambient city lights shining in from the floor-to-ceiling windows light Joel’s way. He gently sets you down on the couch and slides his hand to the back of your neck, pulling you closer for another kiss.
“Let me show you how much I’ve missed you, baby,” he whispers against your lips, pausing to look into your eyes.
You nod, breathless and eyes wide. “Please,” you whisper.
He grins, standing back slightly, taking in the sight of you sprawled on his couch, dress askew. “You look so damn good.”
His hands rest on the hem of your dress and, with a cocky grin, he slowly lifts it up, exposing the soft skin of your thighs.
“God, this is all I’ve been thinking about. Drove to the ballpark thinking about you, stepped up to the plate thinking about you, and, baby,when I saw you in the stands… all I could think about was you naked in my arms.”
“Joel…” you struggle to find the words, already lust-drunk on his words.
“I need to taste you.”
He drops down to his knees in front of you, his large fingers slipping beneath the waistband of your underwear and sliding them off.
You bite your lip as he grips your thighs and spreads them apart.
He breathes out a deep sigh at the sight of you. A low whistle leaves his lips. “There she is, she’s so fuckin’ pretty.”
He leans closer and places soft kisses along your inner thighs, teasingly slow, making your heart race even faster.
“Joel…” you plead.
He spreads you wider, warm breath teasing against your core. He licks a long, slow line from bottom to top, humming appreciatively at the first taste of you.
Your back arches, a gasp escaping your lips. "Oh my God," you breathe.
His rough palms grip your thighs, thick fingers digging into the flesh as he holds you steady. His hot breath tickles your skin as he licks you. "God, you taste so good," he murmurs against you, his voice vibrating against your cunt. “Missed this taste.”
His tongue explores you as your fingers tangle in his hair, gripping the soft waves of his dark strands.
Two thick fingers slide inside you, stretching you perfectly. Plush lips close around your clit, sucking and lapping at your sensitive nub.
It's been almost a month since he last touched you like this, and now with his skilled mouth and fingers all over you, your body is ready to let go.
“Joel,” you moan. “C-close.”
He enthusiastically hums against you, deep brown eyes staring into yours from under furrowed brows. His fingers pumping in and out of you as his tongue flicks rapidly over your clit. Your pussy pulses against his thick fingers, squeezing them as you bloom under the pleasure of finally feeling his touch. Goosebumps rise all over your skin, cheeks heating, legs trembling, and your eyes tightly shut… and when he curls his fingers upwards inside you, your orgasm crashes into you, your pussy soaking his hand and your voice screaming his name. He doesn't stop, continuing to lick and tease you through your orgasm until it's all too much and you're pulling at his hair.
He pulls back with a satisfied smile and kisses your inner thigh before standing and placing a kiss on your lips. You taste yourself as he licks into your mouth. His plush lips sucking against yours.
Before you can catch your breath, Joel scoops you up in his strong arms, throwing you over his shoulder and carrying you into his bedroom. You giggle as he smacks your ass and growls.
He sets you on the edge of his bed, the crisp white sheets cool against your overheated skin. He steps back, his eyes roaming over your body.
“Stay right there,” he says as he moves to the closet, rummaging around for a moment before returning with a black camera and tripod in hand.
Your breath catches at the sight as he sets them up, carefully adjusting the angle.
The tiny red recording light blinks on and the little screen lights up. There you are, all disheveled—dress hiked up, your lips full and swollen from Joel’s mouth.
His eyes meet yours. “Is this okay?” he asks softly.
You nod, excitement running through your body. “Yes,” you breathe.
He grins as he removes his shirt, tossing it to the side before he steps out of his pants. He stays behind the camera, standing in the shadows like a director. “Go ahead baby, take it all off.”
You stand slowly, your heart racing at Joel and the camera’s attention. Dark brown eyes watch you intently from behind the camera, his eyes never leaving your every movement. You reach back and unzip your dress, pulling it down, as you slowly slip the straps off, letting the dress fall to the floor, the red gingham fabric pooling at your feet.
"God, you're gorgeous,” he whispers.
You reach behind to unclasp your bra, staring at Joel as you let it fall away. Your breasts are exposed to his eyes and the camera, your nipples hardening in the cool air. You’re completely bare now except for the necklace with his number.
"Touch yourself for me, baby," he instructs softly.
You smile, running your hands slowly up your sides, cupping your breasts. Your fingers glide over your nipples, teasing them to stiff peaks before you back up against the bed and lay across it, spreading your legs wide for the camera and Joel. Your hand snakes down your body, across your stomach, down to the apex of your thighs.
You lock eyes with Joel as you slowly circle your clit, your breath hitching. His gaze is dark from behind the camera, his chest rising and falling rapidly. You can see the outline of his cock straining against his boxer briefs as he watches you pleasure yourself. Your fingers dip lower, sliding into your wet heat.
"That's it, baby," he groans. "Show me how you like to be touched."
Your other hand kneads your breast, pinching and rolling your nipple.
Joel steps out from behind the camera, moving to the edge of the bed. He strips off his boxers, his thick cock springing free. He strokes himself slowly as he watches you.
"You're so fucking sexy," he growls.
You whimper at his words, your fingers moving faster. "Please, baby,” you whine, “I need you."
He grabs your foot and turns you on the cool, slick sheets. Glancing over at the camera’s small display screen to check the angle of your body.
He climbs on the bed and you instantly welcome the warmth of his presence and his broad body. He positions himself between your legs, gripping his cock and running the head through your folds, coating himself in your wetness. Your breath catches as he slowly pushes inside, a smile lighting your face at finally feeling him inside you.
"Fuck," he groans, his eyes fluttering closed as he bottoms out. "You feel so good, baby. So tight and wet for me."
You moan as he starts to move, his hips rolling against yours in a steady rhythm. Your hands glide over the expanse of his shoulders and down his muscular back, relishing in feeling the flex of his strong muscles with each thrust.
He leans down, capturing your lips. His tongue tangles with yours as he picks up the pace, fucking you harder.
"Look at the camera, baby," Joel murmurs against your neck. "Let's show it how good I make you feel."
You tilt your head, looking directly at the camera lens with heavy-lidded eyes. The knowledge that you are being recorded, that Joel will watch this later, that the two of you will get off while watching yourselves… it’s a new thrill for you. You moan louder, arching your back higher as Joel fucks you.
"Touch yourself for me," he commands.
Your hand snakes between your bodies, fingers finding your clit.
"Oh god, baby," you moan, your fingers working furiously at your clit as he pounds into you. "I'm so close."
Joel's rhythm falters slightly as he watches you touch yourself, sweat glistening on his brow. "That's it. Cum for me. Let me feel you."
Your voice echoes through the room as you cry out Joel’s name, your body trembling as your walls clench tightly around him.
“Fuck,” he grunts, his hips snapping against yours. “So fucking good, you cum so fucking good for me. So fucking tight.”
He pulls your body towards him, sitting up on the bed, his cock still buried deep inside of you. You take control and ride him, your legs wrapping around his waist as you grind down on him. His hands grip your hips firmly, guiding you.
“That’s it baby. Take what you need from me,” he growls.
Your hands tangle in the short waves of his hair, pulling him in for a kiss. Your tongues exploring each other’s mouths, bodies glistening with sweat.
He breaks the kiss, his forehead resting against yours, his nose bumping against yours. “I love you. God damn baby, I love you so much.”
“I love you too,” you moan as he thrusts up into you.
He captures your lips again. “I’m close,” he groans against your mouth. “Cum with me baby. Give me one more.”
His hand snakes down between your bodies, his thumb finds your clit, rubbing firm circles against it as you bounce on his cock.
You cry out his name as you orgasm, Joel’s fingers and cock working in tandem to push you over the ledge. You turn your head to the camera, staring into it as you chant Joel’s name while your walls clench around his cock.
“Oh fuck baby,” Joel groans, his hips stuttering. “I’m gonna cum for you.”
In one swift motion, he flips you onto your back, your legs instinctively wrap around his waist as he buries his face into the crook of your neck, his hot breath fanning across your skin as he chases his own release. Your hands run down his back, feeling the flex of his muscles with each thrust.
"Cum for me, Joel, I want to feel you cum inside me."
With a final and deep thrust, Joel stills above you. He groans your name as he empties himself inside you, his cock pulsing with each spurt. He fills you with his release, still gently fucking you with soft thrusts, pushing his seed deeper inside you.
He leans over and grabs the camera, his cock still plunged deep inside you. With a sly smile, he films your face, capturing the bliss across it.
“Look at you,” he admires, “smiling all sweetly, all drunk on my cock and cum, aren’t you baby?”
You moan a response and nod eagerly.
He chuckles as he pulls out, shuffling his body down to settle in between your legs. Joel positions the camera between your thighs, spreading them apart and running a finger through your cunt, swollen and slick with his spend pulsating out of you.
“Look at you, leakin’ everywhere,” he groans, collecting himself across his fingers and sticking it inside you. “Can’t have that, now can we?”
His eyes stay focused on the little screen, watching his fingers pump in and out of your overworked cunt.
“Fuckin’ filthy baby,” he angles his fingers, your slick squelches loudly across the room.
Writhing and whining under his touch, your skin is overheated, your pussy radiating heat across your body.
He pulls his soaked finger out, wiping it across your folds. “Show me how you drip baby, let me see.”
A gush of his cum leaks out of you, the warm liquid runs down your ass, pooling on the bed.
“Fucccccccccck,” he growls. “Can’t stop looking at this.”
He zooms out, capturing your whole body in the frame.
“Tell me whose pussy this is,” he instructs.
“Yours,” you breathlessly respond.
“That’s it baby,” he growls, before his eyes lift from the camera and into yours. “I love you,” he softly says, his eyes rounding in reverence.
“I love you too.”
He grins, standing up from the bed and switching off the camera before placing it down on the bedside table.
“That was incredible,” you sigh. “I can’t believe we just did that.”
A smile spreads across his face as he leans down to give you a tender kiss on the lips. "We'll have to watch it later," he says before heading to the bathroom. He returns with a damp towel and gently wipes between your legs, before planting a kiss on your forehead and turning to leave the room.
“Where are you going?” you slur, too blissed out of your mind.
“To get pie. I’m starving.”
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Series Masterlist
#pedro pascal#joel miller#joel miller x reader#joel miller fic#joel miller smut#joel miller fanfic#joel miller x you#joel miller fanfiction#joel the last of us#baseball au#baseball joel#joel miller tlou
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What's New In IF? Issue 31 (2024)
By Aj, Dion, Briar, Jen and Peter
Now Available!
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~ EDITORIAL ~
Apologies for the delayed Issue!
As you might know, we unfortunately had to delay this Issue due to some personal matters. But as promised, it’s finally here! We wouldn’t want you to miss out on any news.
As this Issue says on the front page, it contains news from November 23rd to November 29th.
But! The Events should be updated to match their status on December 4th, as they are more time-sensitive.
Issue 32 should be released on time. That means two Issues this week!
We want some feedback!
As we’re starting to get a hand of things, we would love some feedback from you guys! What you enjoy, want more or less off, how we could improve... Anything goes! We even have a nifty form.
We hope you enjoy this new issue!
AJ, DION, BRIAR, JEN AND PETER
~ BE A PART OF THE ZINE ~
THIS ZINE ONLY HAPPENS WITH YOU!
Want to write 1-2 pages about a neat topic, or deep-dive into a game and review it in details? Share personal experiences or get all academic?
WRITE FOR THE COLUMN!
Prefer to be more low-key but still have something to share? Send us a Zine Letter or share a game title for Highlight on…!
WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!
Came across something interesting? Know a release or an update announced? Saw an event happening? Whether it's a game, an article, a podcast… Add any IF-related content to our mini-database!
EVERY LITTLE BIT COUNTS!
Contact us through Tumblr asks, Forum DMs, or even by email! And thank you for your help!!
~ EVENT SPOTLIGHT : Videotome Jam - "Waiting" ~
November 16th to December 1st 2024
Videotome Jam is a two-week-long game jam for games made in any of the Videotome engines with the optional theme of "Waiting".
What is Videotome?
Videotome is a series of small homebrew IF/VN engines made by Freya Campbell (communistsister), an indie game developer focusing on narrative games that are usually:
science fiction, horror, &/or romance
close to 100% LGBTQ characters
free/PWYW with low tech requirements
liable to make players keysmash due to feelings
Videotome was first released in April 2022 as a part of a game entry for the Domino Club collective. The initial idea for the engine was to make writing text-heavy games as hassle-free as possible, focusing not that much on the visual presentation format, but more on the writer's experience. It would allow writers to write in a notepad and then it would somehow grab the .txt file and parse the lines into an array, spitting them out one line at a time as a kinetic novel.
At the moment there are four engines available:
Videotome, for linear, no frills text / images / music;
Videotome ADV, adding a more conventional layout with ignorable choices and branching;
Super Videotome, for more fully featured and freeform image/canvas use;
Videotome Heartbreak, adding a stat raising dating sim & storylets structure to the above.
If you're more interested in the process of making these engines, check out the devs blog post - Words, Friction, Syntax: Stuff I thought about when making Videotome. (The post also includes a very interesting case study concerning other game engines Freya has experience with.)
If you want to check out some examples of projects made with Videotome, take a look at this collection. It includes games made by both Freya and other devs.
~ ENDED ~
The Educational Jam has ended. Check out the thirteen entries and learn something new!
The voting for ECTOCOMP 2024 is officially over! Check out the results!
You can now check out all 16 entries to the Videotome Jam!
Disabled Rep VN Jam has a very simple premise but a very important message. Check out the submissions!
~ ONGOING (VOTING) ~
A Very Hallmark Game Jam has entered the voting phase. You can now vote for your favourite out of the five entries.
~ ONGOING (SUBMITTING) ~
Media depicting healthy examples of polyamory isn’t that common. The PolyJamorous 2024 is trying to break the status-quo!
This year’s Yuri Game Jam is in full progress. The devs have until December 2nd to submit their projects.
Once upon a time, a game jam was held to create stories around the theme of fairy tales… and that game jam is the Once Upon A Time VN Jam. It’s running from October 1st to January 31st.
Concours de Fiction Interactive Francophone 2025 is for all French-speaking enthusiasts. Submissions are accepted March 3rd 2025.
Are you perhaps a fan of more somber, melancholic themes? Then check out the Dying Year - Visual Novel Jam! You have until the end of the year to participate.
The Black Visual Novel Jam is all about working with creative professional developers who work in visual novels to bring more Black stories to life. The goal is to create a space where Black creators can show their unique storytelling through visual novels.
IF Short Games Showcase 2024 is a great way to shine some new light on your projects made in the past year (Jan 1, 2024 to Dec 31, 2024), regardless of whether or not they are previously released! You have until January 15th 2025 to join.
Winter Visual Novel Jam 2024 is here! You have until January 1st 2025 to submit your projects.
Are you familiar with Decker? Then why not take a part in the Deck-Month 2?
Another bitsy jam is here. This time with the theme "better late than never".
~ OTHER ~
PIZZAPRANKS is accepting submissions for their Indiepocalypse Issue #61. If you’re a dev and would like to try out your luck, definitely check it out! Any game is welcomed, not only IF.
~ NEW RELEASE ~
You stand at the edge of a vast and foreboding cave system, its mouth yawning like the jaws of some ancient beast. This is no ordinary cave—it is the entrance to the Caverns of the Forgotten, a labyrinth of twisting tunnels, hidden chambers, and unfathomable mysteries that have claimed countless explorers before you.
Generations ago, invaders brought magic to the Kingdom of Jubai, setting battlemages at the top of the noble power structure and leaving everyone else oppressed. Now, a secret organization of mage hunters has risen up, phoenixlike, to stand against the mages' power and overthrow their rule. Can your secret order of mage hunters save the kingdom, or will internal strife tear you apart in Magehunter: Phoenix Flame (CScript)?
Today is your first day of work here at Toy Maker’s TOY BOX (Ren’Py). Pull apart stitches or rip off an arm or two; we support whatever you must do to ensure that you only save toys of the highest quality. Should you ever feel unsure, there’s no need to panic! Simply toss the trash where it belongs: the incinerator. After all, it’s of the utmost importance that inspectors upkeep the Maker’s image.
You're struggling for friends in a new town and decide to check out a cute diner! — 'That New Diner', huh? Odd name for a restaurant, but I see advertisements for it everywhere. Might as well check it out. Who knows, maybe I'll meet somebody?
What does the glass sound like? Quite tinkly. It crumbled into sand under the feet of all those worried people circling around. As for you, there was darkness in your eyes for a long time. And the glass has melted into silence long since. But what is this place? And who is this stranger standing in front of you? And most importantly, where — or who — did the bullet hit? — Monarch (Ren’Py) is a short visual novel game that was made during Ukrainian Micro Visual Novel Jam in 10 days.
Halloween is a big deal in Port Gillain, steeped as the town is in old folklore and ghost stories. You, the local psychic, regularly attend the festivities. This year, you can bring a friend. The Second Sight: All Hallow's Eve (Twine) is a companion story to The Second Sight: Dead Reckoning.
Your Aunt’s House (Adventuron) is a short story about mourning. @kessielrg
The story centers around Larry, a cab driver eking out a meagre existence in a dystopian near-future, until he unwittingly finds himself centre-stage in the midst of a technological revolution. — For the first time this multi-media project can be experienced in the form of an interactive novel. Larry Folger Volume I contains all the chapters of the ongoing narrative complete with music from the series.
Your feather, my wing is a game about getting close to the object of an experiment that your 'super-secret lab' leads! It's all about fun, fluff and cuddles. Nothing serious and if anyone from the "normal world" came to this organization, they'd be disappointed by the lack of pathos, mystery and seriousness. But do you care?
Nestled at the edge of an ancient forest, Ravenwood Hill looms like a shadowed sentinel against the pale moonlight. This is no ordinary place; whispers of its dark history echo through the trees, carried by the wailing wind. The townsfolk speak of disappearances, of mysterious lights flickering in the mansion atop the hill, and of secrets buried deep beneath its crumbling foundations. In Ravenwood Hill, you are the only one brave—or foolish—enough to uncover the truth.
As always, don't forget to check out the submitted entries to the events mentioned in the previous pages. They deserve some love too!
~ NEW RELEASE (WIP) ~
Iberian Tales (Twine) - Life was once tranquil on the isolated coast of your city, surrounded by a loving family and promising prospects for success in your societal position. However, tranquility shattered as flames engulf your city, escape becomes the only viable option, if luck favors you enough to evade the soldiers blocking your path that is. @iberiantalesif-game
The Thorned Garden (CScript) is a Harem Intrigue game where you can die at any turn. Build up skills and connections to survive and climb the rankings. @opossumfern
Locked in a luxurious but ominous hotel, you are forced to face trials alongside five other people. Who abducted you and for what reason? What does the future hold with different organizations fighting for power over the world? And just how much is at stake when you play a twisted game without rules? Whether you want it or not, welcome to the Threshold (Twine). @thethreshold-if
5 days (Ren’Py) - Every step forward feels like another memory slipping through your fingers and yet, the world moves on — forcing you to find a way to follow, even when it feels impossible to let go.
~ UPDATES ~
As Gods Fall (CScript) released Chapters 4 and 5. @asgodsfall-if
Knight of Greenhaven (CScript) released Chapter 2.
Lost in your eyes (CScript) released part five of Chapter 3 on Patreon. @kathrinesadventures
Saturnine (CScript) added new content to their demo. @satur9-if
The Thousand Of Us (CScript) added new content to their public demo. @ivanwm-05
Weeping Gods (CScript) added new content to their demo. @jcollinswrites
The Summoner (CScript) released a part of Chapter 4.
Ashenmaw - Dragons of Marrowoods (CScript) added a part of Chapter 1 to their demo. @ashenmaw-if
Our Life: Now and Forever (Ren’Py) added Step 2 introduction scenes to their public demo. @gb-patch
Wasteland Pony Express added new content to their demo. @katieaki
The In-Between (CScript) released Chapter 11. @dalekowrites
Crown of Exile (Twine) released Chapter 10 on Patreon. @ramonag-if
~ OTHER ~
350p Adventure has been ported from Infor 6 to PunyInform. You can either download it or play it online in your browser. — (Some interesting trivia: The game is sometimes called Advent, because the system it was created on in the 70s would not allow filenames to be more than six characters long. This game is sometimes considered as the very first text adventure.)
~
As always, we apologize in advance for missing any update or release from the past week. We are only volunteers using their limited free time to find as much as we can - but sometimes things pass through the cracks.
If you think something should have been included in this week's zine but did not appear, please shoot us a message! We'll do our best to add it next week! And if you know oncoming news, add it here!
~ MAYBE YOU NEXT? ~
We did not get a submission this week. But if you have an idea for a short essay, or would like a special space to share your thoughts about IF and the community...
Shoot us an email!
~ HIGHLIGHT ON ~
A couple of games that we thought were cool.
Your favourite game here?
Do you have a favourite game that deserves some highlighting?
An old or recent game that wowed you so much you spam it to everyone?
Tell us about it! And it might appear here!
WE LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU ALL! WHETHER IT'S GOOD OR BAD, OR EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN...
Have something to say? Send us a message titled: Zine Letter!
As we end this issue, we would like to thank:
our awesome mysterious anon!
all you readers who liked, shared, and commented on the last issue! What might be tiny actions are huge support and motivators to us! Thank you for cheering us on this journey!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
And see you again on Saturday!
AJ, DION, BRIAR, JEN AND PETER
WHAT'S NEW IN IF? 2024-ISSUE 31
#NEW ISSUE IS (FINALLY) OUT!!#What's New in IF#interactive fiction#if news#visual novel#parser#choice of games#choicescript#twine#ink#twine games#ink games#itch.io#interactive game#interactive novel#IF#games#hobby#indie dev#choose your own adventure#if-whats-new#zine
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break up, make up
pairing: Johnny Cage x Reader
summary: You and Johnny didn't end your relationship on a good note. You've successfully avoided him, but what happens when you both end up at the same bar??
word count: 2.46 k
tw: Vaginal sex, oral sex, cunnilingus, afab!reader, gn pronouns, dom!reader, sub!johnny cage, forgiveness, make up sex, vaginal penetration, grinding, semi-public sex, begging, mentions of cheating, making out, no spoilers, he's so pussywhipped dude, praise kink, no other canon characters, smut, shameless smut, porn with plot
a/n: I've never really written fic b4 so I hope it's not shit. Slightly inspired by 3d-wifey, they are an actually good writer
Ao3
Johnny stared daggers at you from across the room. Why did he have to show up here? It had been a couple of months since you two split up and this was the first time you’d seen each other since. All you wanted was a nice night out with friends, which was already hard enough. But there he is, just 1000 feet away.
It hadn’t been easy. You had been with him for over a year and for the most part, it was fine. Despite his career and fame, he managed to find plenty of time for you. He loved to spoil you, spend time with you, and show his love wholeheartedly. That was until he had a long shoot overseas. He promised that everything would be fine and nothing would change. After 2 long months, he finally returned. But something felt off. He didn’t hold you like he used to, spent less time at home, and you didn’t see the love in his eyes anymore. A very dramatic breakup ensued, complete with tears and screaming from both of you. You moved out and quickly lost contact. Trying to cope as article after article about him returning to his ‘playboy lifestyle’ came out, you decided that he wasn’t worth your time, that he killed the relationship because he was bored of you. And so you tried your hardest, knowing that running into him again was unlikely. He’s too busy being famous, right?
Right?
Wrong.
Because there he was, same old Johnny, in a red button-up shirt with the arms rolled up and the top two buttons undone. Black slacks straining against his thighs, expensive watch glistening in the low light of the club. And, fuck, that look on his face. You couldn’t fully read it, and you weren’t sure if you were scared or interested.
Trying not to look at him, you brush off your clothes. You want to seem cool, calm, unbothered. Something you weren’t. But you weren’t turning around again to look. You just laugh with your friends and continue to enjoy your night. Until…
“Why, hello there dear,” his familiar voice rang out in your ears. You froze, the familiarity and warmth were something you hadn’t heard in a very long time. Slowly turning, you meet his eyes, trying, and failing, to hide your nerves. But when you meet his eyes, you can’t read anything. His words are cool, calm, and suave, but his eyes? Ice cold. It made you feel worse. You manage to utter a “Hello Johnny” as he stands there, his presence looming. Your friends look to you for guidance, but you nod, letting them know you’re fine. But they take that to mean, ‘you can leave now’, because they walk away, leaving you alone with him.
The exact opposite thing of what you wanted, honestly.
But it's too late for that. You take a deep breath and look directly at him, trying to seem brave. He leans against the table, looking around before sitting down across from you. “So, why are you out tonight? Trying to find another guy to disappoint?” His words cut deep, harsh accusations that offend you. “Excuse me?” you question, leaning towards him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Don’t act innocent, we both know you’re not,” He scoffs, leaning back in his chair and looking at the crowd. You scrunch your face up in frustration, feeling the anger bubble up inside you. “You know, you’re not exactly innocent either. You leave for 2 months, you don’t talk to me once, and when you’re finally back, you treat me like shit! I honestly preferred it when you were gone, at least then I didn’t feel like complete garbage.” You try not to cry, unable to stop your eyes from watering. Your words seem to soften Johnny slightly, as he looks back and seems more awkward than angry. “What do you mean? I didn’t do that.” “WHAT?” you nearly yell, surprising yourself and him. “You came back a different person! You weren’t the man I fell in love with anymore. You were cold and cruel, just like you are now.” You reach for your bag and move to stand up and leave, but he nearly dives across the table, grabbing your arm. “Wait, wait, please don’t go. I’m sorry. Please just…let me explain.”
You slowly sit back down, shrugging out of his grip, and stare at him, waiting. He finally seems nervous, scratching the back of his neck. “I won’t beat around the bush. I thought that while I was gone, you were cheating on me.” He looks away, clearly ashamed. “I don’t know why. I didn’t have proof. I just…I’m used to people leaving a lot sooner than you, so I assumed the worst. I didn’t think I acted that poorly, but I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that. I’ll just leave you alone now.” His head hung slightly in shame, he started to stand.
But now it's your turn to stop him, gently taking his arm and making him sit down again. You both pause, waiting for the other to speak. Quietly, you begin to laugh, your whole body shaking. You manage to get out a muffled, “We’re so stupid.” He slowly starts laughing as well, both of you absorbing the absurdity of the situation. After a bit, you both calm down, managing to speak again. You learn that he’s been cast in a new show and that the rumors spreading around have been untrue. He learns about how you’ve been, your true interest in how you are shining through.
“Hey, you look really good, you know?” He gently takes your hand and stares into your eyes. All of a sudden, the mood shifts. Reconnecting with him has reconnected something else, something you didn’t quite expect. His words rest heavily in the air, trying to gauge how you’re feeling. You look into his eyes, the kindness and care he used to show you returning. “You look good too. Better than I remember, honestly.” He laughs, touching your arm more. “I always look this good baby.”
His eyes, now half-lidded and sultry, beckon you closer. You decide to be brave, take initiative. You get up from your seat, standing next to him. Still holding his hand, you pull him up. “Yeah? Wanna show me if everything else stayed the same?” You coax him up, getting closer to him. His smile grows wider, and he stands up and wraps his arms around your waist. “Gladly, baby.” You wave to your friends, who honestly can’t tell if it’s the right thing to let you go with him, but decide to let you. If it’s a mistake, at least you’ll learn from it.
He leads you to his car, a sleek black sports car parked in the virtually empty private parking lot out back. The perks of being famous apparently include better parking. He unlocks the door, letting you sit down first. He climbs into the driver’s seat, turning his body to look at you. “So, my place or yours-” Before he can finish that thought, you reach over, grabbing his face and kissing him gently. He is clearly shocked but quickly leans into it, growing more passionate by the minute. He turns and grabs your hips, trying to get you closer to him. You didn’t realize how completely touch-starved and needy you were until right then. You pull away and take a breath, panting lightly in sync with him. Your hand travels down his chest slowly, dancing towards his crotch. You feel his breath hitch under you, lightly whimpering at the feeling.
Lightly brushing against him and teasing him further, he starts to grow needier, pleading eyes looking directly at you. “Please…please love…” he whines out. You decide to be nice, but not that nice. Slowly unzipping his fly and freeing him, he hisses at the feeling of the cool air in the car. Gently taking him into your hand, you truly forgot how big he is. You lean over, spitting onto his dick and slowly stroking him. He starts to moan lightly, flinching as you flick your wrist over the tip. “Ah-h! H-heyy…stop teasing…” he looks through his lashes, desperation evident.
Finally giving in, you lean down, taking as much of him into his mouth as you can at this angle. He gasps, leaning back and biting his finger to stop himself from being too loud. You look up, wide eyes meeting his. You lift your head, taking a deep breath. “Don’t quiet yourself. I wanna hear those pretty moans, baby.” His eyes lightly roll back at your words, moaning louder when you return to his weeping cock, keeping a quick, almost torturous, pace. He shakily reaches out to grab your head, not forcing you down, just feeling you and trying to remain stable.
You lift your head again, kissing him hard and rough. He desperately tries to keep up, lips slipping against yours messily. You take his hand, leading it down to your crotch. “Touch me, love. Please, I need it.” You rasp out, making him shiver. As he reaches into your underwear, he nearly melts at the feeling of how wet you are. His fingers gently curl into you, feeling you pulse around him hungrily. He gently pulls his hand out, looking at the slick on his fingers before shoving them in his mouth greedily. Groaning at the taste, he reaches his free hand out to grab your thighs, feeling your soft skin under his desperate touch. “Mmfph, alwaysh taste so goodf me,” he tries to speak with his fingers still in his mouth, not wanting to stop. He tries again to taste more but you stop him, to many protests.
But they quickly stop when you take you underwear off, slipping it out from under you and tossing them in the back seat. “Push your seat back,” you state casually, but you both know it’s a command. Hurriedly, he scrambles for the seat controls, moving himself as far back as possible. He looks to you, then down at himself. He pulls his pants and underwear down further, then looks to you excitedly. Carefully, you reach your right leg over him, straddling his lap. You can feel him throb against your leg, impossibly fast, and the wetness he can’t seem to stop. You pause, looking down at him. “I want to hear you say you want this before I do anything. If this is how we rekindle our relationship, it’s starting on a good note. And if not, then it’ll end on one. But I need to hear you say it.”
Quickly, he grabs at your thighs, tight grip digging into you. “Yes, yes, please. I need you. I’ve missed you so bad and, and just want to be with you right now. I need it. I need you. Please…” His desperate pleas and pathetic expression shoot to your core, you can feel yourself growing even wetter. That was all the motivation you need as you lift yourself up and grab his dick, lining it up with teasing touches against you, earning groans and gasps every time. Finally, you start to sink down, wincing. It’s been a while and Johnny is a lot to handle. But he doesn’t notice. His head is thrown back, strings of long whines, moans, and other pornstar sounds pouring from his mouth. His sounds are motivation enough as you sink down as far as possible. It’s like you knocked the wind out of him, gasps are all you get out of him for now. You take a second to adjust further.
Then, you begin to move. Hips rocking back and forth, forehead pressed into his shoulder. You speed up, bouncing on him as you basically use him. It’s not like he minds, whimpers echoing through the car, hands death gripping onto your ass as you ride him. He genuinely can’t control himself, babbling near nonsense. You can make out a few of the words he’s saying in your ear. “Love”, “s’good”, “missed this”, and “feel incredible” is about it amongst the uncontrollable moans. You can definitely tell that it's been a long time. I mean, he’s usually pretty whiny, but this takes the cake.
He manages to get a solid couple of sentences out in his fucked out state, wrapping his arms around you like a hug. “I missed you so bad, I knew it was a mistake. No one that feels this good could be bad. I missed being yours, missed having you use me like this. I love it, I love you.” His hips jerk upwards without rhythm, desperate to get off. His words egg you on further, speeding up and absolutely shaking the car. His grip on you tightens as you can tell he’s about to cum. You whisper shakily into his ear, “Come on baby, cum for me. Be a good boy for me.” With that, he finishes with a loud cry, a death grip around you and shaking thighs. He trembles beneath you, still sensitive from the comedown. You smooth out his hair, brushing the hairs stuck to his forehead from sweat. Still fuzzyheaded, he kisses you tenderly, full of love.
You slowly climb off and get back in your seat, catching your breath. But you don’t have long, as Johnny grabs your leg and twists you. Exposing you as you lean against the car door, you barely have time to think before he dives in, eating you out with such fervor that you genuinely can’t believe he got down there that fast. After his sweet words and all that you’ve done, you’re not that far from the edge. He hasn’t forgotten all the ways to make you cum though, as he quickly gets you even closer. He rubs his nose against your clit, causing you to jump at the sensitivity. But then, his head backs up slightly, which you can’t take at this moment. You have to finish. You grab his head, fingers tangling in his hair, and fuck his face hard. He is moaning again at this point, your pleasure gets him off just as much as his own. You lose the ability to think about anything but cumming, your sole goal. Finally, you finish, your grip on him loosening. But he stays just as close, burying his face in you and lapping up your cum mixed with his.
He finally pulls away, both of you gasping for air. You are suddenly much more thankful for being parked in a more secluded area. After what feels like forever, you turn and whisper out, “Am I as good as you remember?” Turning his head, he laughs and whispers, “Better than I remembered.”
#johnny cage#johnny cage x reader#johnny cage smut#mk1#mortal kombat 1#mortal kombat#x reader#afab reader#johnny cage mk1#mk1 smut#mk1 x reader#sub!johnny cage#dom!reader
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bakugou katsuki in denial ;) warnings: none, reader is mentioned to have a telekinesis quirk (im obsessed with the idea of telekinesis atm) genre: fluff, headcannon-type-thing notes: take this draft from months ago as i try finish the first chapt. of brutal <3 mwah love you guyssssss!!
totally-not-crushing!katsuki bakugo who angrily denies accusations denki and mina throw at him, asking the ashy-haired boy if his lingering eyes and slightly kinder actions towards you were intentional. he’s yelling pretty loudly, calling the two of them names in the empty common room of heights alliance, and it’s no surprise that denki called kirishima down for backup.
totally-not-crushing!katsuki bakugo who gets tired of being interviewed, so he storms out of the common room with his hands deep in the pockets of his grey joggers. his expression is aggressive, a dangerous snarl on his face and with his thin eyebrows pinched together.
the moment totally-not-crushing!katsuki bakugo gets into his dorm room he collapses onto the sheets of his head, hands behind his head as he stares up at the ceiling with vermilion eyes.
he doesn’t like. he hates you. he hates your stupid hero costume that’s a perfect mix of tactical and cute, he hates the way your hair looks good 24/7, he hates the way you give him genuine smiles that reach your pretty (e/c) eyes, scrunching them. he hates how attractive he finds it when you get serious.
totally-not-crushing!katsuki bakugo who despises the twisting and churning of his stomach, the heavy beating of his heart, and the amount of focus he has to place into not accidentally setting off his quirk when he’s near you.
he hates how he goes all out on you during sparring because he knows you can hold your own against him. he hates how funny you are even if it’s unintentional, the fact that he hides his grins behind his hand when you say a joke. he hates the way his eyes immediately go to search for you in a sea of people, or whenever someone mentions your name he’s suddenly intently listening in.
totally-not-crushing!bakugo who, 5 minutes after clambering onto his bed, pulls his phone out to search up the symptoms he’s having. of course, he knows how the human body reacts when the person likes someone, but he would sleep easier if google tells him it’s something else.
totally-not-crushing!bakugo who slams his phone onto his bedside table with gritted teeth once scanning a few answers and articles about ‘how to know if you like someone’ from this bullshit reporter and writer.
totally-not-crushing!bakugo who has to actively avoid looking at you, he's hyper aware of everywhere his eyes move and if he even sees a glimpse of you (h/c) hair he's going to turn bright red. too bad for him, there's practical hero studies today!
and it seems you had some adjustments made to your costume - a whole new design and colour scheme that better suited your quirk and a big hood that covered your head. oh, and the same style of boots that he has - you even said that you got the idea from him!
trying to ignore your whispers with mina at the back of the group, he listens in at aizawa groups everyone in pairs for the practical exercise. and it was just his luck that totally-not-crushing!bakugo was grouped with you.
he wanted to yell in disagreement, but as soon as he saw you walking up to him, totally-not-crushing!bakugo saw the look on your face as you rattled on about ideas of what faux villains you two were up against, and he swallowed down his shouts. instead, he plasters on a disinterested face and hums along with your words.
turns out, the two of you are quite a duo. with your telekinesis, the two of you could rescue the dummy civilians and safely bring them to the safety in a matter of seconds, and he kept any threat at bay - both on the ground and in the sky.
totally-not-crushing!bakugo who gave you probably one of the kindest compliments he's even given that year - 'you're not the most useless, i guess,' and he even squeezed in a hesitant 'good job' at the end. but you barely heard it from behind his clenched teeth.
and you just looked so happy that he had been nice for once, and instead of commenting on the struggle to say the praise, you smile at him with those dimples, sipping water from a plastic cup provided to you by momo, and thank him.
totally-not-crushing!bakugo who feels a strange feeling in his chest and gut when you comment on the fact that the two of you made a good team, and should probably try work together in the future.
and he's actually going to sleep with a tiny, minuscule smile on his face thinking about the both of you creating agencies, and partnering up when you're both capable heroes.
still, you wont get the number one spot, he wasn't willing to give that up.
...yet.
#*{ ‘. florawrites<3#x reader#mha x reader#my hero academia#mha#fluff#bakugo x reader#bakugou katsuki x reader#mha bakugou#bnha bakugou#katsuki bakugo x reader#katsuki bakugou#bakugo katsuki#dynamight#fanfiction#anime fanfic#anime x reader
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As somebody who’s nuerodivergent and has MDD (Major Depressive Disorder aka Clinical Depression), I find those points about John very interesting! Is there any other hints of this throughout the comic that we’ve seen?
hello!! sorry this took so long, I reread every John page so far and I now have a normal length answer to this question!! (2.9k words shhhh) I will broadly talk about neurodivergence first and then depression, but some of these points could apply to either or both.
I’m also neurodivergent, and I’ve had depression in the past, so this is based on my personal experiences + reading through the diagnostic criteria. if anyone else has different experiences I’d love to hear about it!
So my favorite academic article I’ve found this year is in a journal of disability studies by autistic writer David Preyde, and it’s just him listing all his special interests and how and why they became important to him. It reads like a blog post and I love that it was ‘officially’ published. It reminds me so much of how the Homestuck kids have been introduced, just more in depth.
John is hitting some common/stereotypical special interests, like computer programming and movie trivia, and some less common ones, like old comedians. I don’t think the fact of having interests makes John neurodivergent, but his approach to them might. John sees a Con Air reference and immediately starts explaining the plot of the movie (p.132); he also does recreations of Deep Impact (p.21), A Time to Kill (p.109) and Armageddon (p.223) He can list all the rare Gushers flavors (p.979). He thinks Colonel Sassacre will be able to tell him the ‘precise index of elevated hilarity’ of a joke (p.36). John treats things really methodically, he likes to list and sort and categorize. It’s why he likes programming computers but isn’t good at it – he knows it’s a great hobby for all that, but hasn’t quite mastered the rules yet.
This is also how he figured out punch card alchemy. Not only does he pick up a new skill much quicker when it relates to an existing special interest (stage magic), but he’s a super fast problem solver when the rules make sense and it works the same every time. He prefers familiarity, taking a while to adjust to changes, like taking time to warm up to the new MSPA adventure (p.112).
I would even argue that John’s sylladex could be a new special interest – it’s something he’s just found at the start of the comic (while his friends have all been into it for a while) and he’s deeply frustrated by the rules at first, when its behavior constantly changes due to different numbers of cards, lack of available cards, options to combine items, new modi, etc. But he still works at it for hours even though it’s hard, because it’s captivated him somehow. He picks up the language and techniques at a speed that’s only possible for someone very dedicated, and he’s super excited to get the control deck for his birthday, a very practical gift that other kids might be bored by. This is like the Homestuck equivalent of getting a backpack with a lot of pockets.
John is really proud of the computer wallpaper he made (p.25) and still gives his dad drawings to put on the fridge (p.253) – he’s very earnest about his interests. He also kind of has the fandom impulse to create his own canon that he likes better than the source material – upon seeing Harry Anderson: Wise Guy, he thinks that ‘Mike Caveney's glowing treatment of the man does him every bit of justice’ (p.253), but when he actually re-reads the book, Caveney’s ‘ambivalent attitude toward [John’s] favorite magician in these anecdotes always struck [him] as a little weird’. John is inventing Wise Guy fanfiction in his head which is incredible. It’s also an example of black and white thinking, and the quick switch from one extreme to the other in opinions without much room for nuance, that John often exhibits.
John also has a lot of specific object fixations, or comfort objects – the Con Air bunny has quickly become this. In the original movie the bunny is owned by a 7-year-old girl, while John presents as a 13-year-old boy, someone for who it’s far less socially acceptable to own a stuffed animal – but John isn’t concerned about that. The green slime ghost pogo ride is another object he returns to over and over – other people might see that as a dangerous knockoff piece of junk, but to John it carries a lot of meaning (p.105, 476). He’s always carrying things like a wizard’s hat (p.44) or shaving cream (p.488) in his sylladex that have no practical use, he just wants to have them.
John is really weird in social interactions, and often tries to avoid them altogether. The lengths John goes to to not run into his dad while exploring the house in the first 100 pages take more time and effort than actually talking to him, but John avoids him no matter the cost. On page 30 he’s also frustrated because Dave is texting him again, and John wants to be left in peace to look at his video games. Not play the games, just look at them. It’s very relatable to me to want to just enjoy my cool stuff even when not actively engaging in it, and to have a lot of ‘off time’ even from my close friends.
John responds to Rose’s genuine sentiments with ‘haha, oh jeez, that is silly!’ (p.256) and struggles with getting his dad to talk about his nanna’s death – on page 543 he considers asking her about it directly; I think some neurotypical people may see that as an unwritten social taboo. But John isn’t uncaring; he marks his friends’ birthdays on his calendar (p.999) and buys them all personalized gifts that they all end up loving, even if Rose interprets hers as a ‘subtle dig’ which John didn’t intend (p.442). John also says ‘ok, i guess i will take your word for it’ to Nanna (p.420) could come across as passive-aggressive, but John means it so genuinely.
John struggles to see beyond his own perspective, like when he’s surprised that it’s already dark in Rose’s house (p.174) despite knowing where she lives. He’s generally very preoccupied with his own concerns, but he eventually remembers to ask Rose ‘are you ok? hasn't your house been on fire for like... five hours now?’ He clearly cares about the people he’s close to, but doesn’t show it in the most obvious ways.
John is hilarious, but he doesn’t tell jokes in a standard format. He is straightforward in all social interactions, and doesn’t have the bantering instinct that Rose and Dave do. Some top tier examples of John humor: ‘it is understandable because you are really attractive. i am attracted to you... jk haha’ (p.35), ‘oh, btw... jk I was wearing a funny disguise this whole time. gotcha! hehehehe’ and Rose’s accompanying response of ‘I know, John.’ (p.63), and ‘yeah, more like the opposite of all those things is the thing that is true!’ (p.386). He clearly has the jokester’s spirit, but unusual execution.
John generally takes things at face value, thinking that Jade ‘seems like a pretty regular girl’ (p.652), and his dynamic with Dave is really fascinating. All their conversations read like Dave is doing a bit and John is taking him completely seriously, but Dave isn’t making fun of John, they’re both having a good time. So it’s not like when a so-called normal kid bullies a weird kid in school, it’s more like these two people who are both different flavors of neurodivergent bouncing off each other in a way that unexpectedly works. This also explains why John hates GameBro and Dave likes it – John takes it seriously while Dave is reading it as a satire of other gaming magazines. (I actually don’t know which is true).
John has a bunch of rigid rules for the world that read like shortcuts – he doesn’t innately understand societal norms, but has figured out these approximations through careful observation. A kid’s yard must have a tire swing (p.27), a fireplace must have a fire (p.50), and a father must have a pipe (p.74) and by satisfying the checkboxes you can make a family. He’s hesitant to break rules he knows even when it’s a logical course of action, like when he doesn’t want to break the window of his dad’s car to get the Sburb disc and save Rose’s life (p.289).
But if he hasn’t added something to his List of Known Social Rules, it’s open season – he’s completely unconcerned when he accidentally throws one of Dad’s harlequin figurines into the abyss (p.266) even though he gets upset when the things he likes are defaced. The imps are ‘stupid lousy’ for ‘mucking up all [John’s] cool stuff’ (p.473) and have ‘fucking ruined’ his movie posters which ‘were like children to [him]’ (also another example of object fixation). John being overly cautious in some social situations but totally oblivious in others is SO neurodivergent to me, so obviously someone who wants to get it right, but doesn’t have the innate skill.
John clearly struggles with emotional regulation, I don’t think he’s good at masking in face-to-face interactions, and even online ones when he gets stressed enough. He also has very physical reactions to emotional distress (and excitement!), and that can’t be explained by the medium needing to show emotions visually, because he does this to a FAR greater extent than Rose and Dave. John does a victory dance when he wins in battle (p.405) but scrunches up his face and covers his ears when Nannasprite offers him cookies (p.429). Some panels where he’s having a meltdown are really evocative, and it’s so easy for me to imagine how he must be feeling – the chaos of page 517, where John is paralyzed and panicked from way too many stimuli both inside and outside his head, is my best example.
His panic is also evident in his pesterlogs with Dave and Jade shortly after arriving in the Medium. He’s pretty rude to Dave, saying ‘dude, i don't have time for your nerdy raps!’ (p.204) and his sudden use of lots of exclamation points make all his messages sound distressed. He pours the whole story of his meteor escape to Jade, seemingly unable to stop himself (p.293) where someone with more control over their emotional responses might bottle it up, or at least calm down before explaining the story to a friend.
John’s intrusive thoughts are part of the medium; hearing commands in his head is better explained by the story’s rules than by John’s mental state. However, studies have found that intrusive thoughts are very common among humans – they’re just easy to dismiss for most people, while a small minority find them distressing to the point that they affect daily life.
Rose posits that John’s reactions to WV’s commands could be ‘the early symptoms of an anxiety disorder, like post-traumatic stress’ but I read it a little differently; I think his distress at WV’s commands, as opposed to the background radiation of reader commands, kind of represents how a symptom that is manageable in one context becomes debilitating in another.
Related to commands, John likes having clear instructions to follow, and doesn’t respond well to uncertainty. When he has no idea how to use the alchemiter, he just stands on it (p.161) – but he also doesn’t uncritically accept authority. He defers to expertise and likes to ask specific questions and get clear instructions before acting, but that has to be earned. He sees Rose as smart and capable in general, so he follows her instructions within Sburb (for example, p.178) unless he has a better idea (for example, p.187). But the Wayward Vagabond hasn’t earned John’s trust or done anything besides shout and insult him, so John resists his commands (for example, p.264).
A few miscellaneous things I noticed are John just HAVING to complete high fives with his sprite’s raised arm (p.198, 880), John being clumsy and accidentally toppling his nanna’s urn (p.53), John having very strong preferences when it comes to food, as he loves Gushers enough to get them as a birthday gift (p.972) but pulls instinctive faces of disgust at the thought of eating cookies (p.430), and the line ‘there is apparently no crisis so imminent that will deter you from contemplating idiotic and frivolous actions’ (p.199). I think that someone whose brain processes things differently may appear idiotic and frivolous, and they might even internalize that perspective, but the logic actually makes sense. (In this case, John trying to eat a unit of build grist taught him more about how grist as a gaming abstraction works).
Most evidence for John’s depression is in early act 1, before the plot really kicks off. John is very depersonalized at the start of the story; it’s only on his thirteenth birthday that he gets given a name, and he’s associated with a regularly-changing disguise throughout the first hundred pages. There’s a broader theme of mistaken identity in his home – his dad might be a clown or might be a businessman, the figurines might be clowns or harlequins or mimes, the poster on the wall might be Michael Cera but isn’t, and both John’s dad’s room and his own room are not what he expected them to be.
I think this theme of disguise relates to how John doesn’t see himself as having a real identity, perhaps not even a recognizable personality outside of his interests. I also think John is much better at masking his depression than his neurodivergence in a way that’s pretty tragic. Both Rose (p.63) and Dad (p.89) see through John’s CLEVER DISGUISE immediately and think they know John for it, but there’s another part to the disguise that they never notice.
John puts himself down a lot in the early story, insulting his own taste in movies and skills at programming in his list of interests (p.4), thinking of himself as a pooplord (p.5), as neither a skilled magician nor cunning prankster (p.8), stupid (p.16), etc. The “sad clown paradox” (for sure one of my favorite Wikipedia article titles) refers to the correlation between comedians and depression, and while it’s not universal, I think it’s very true for John. Playing a prank on someone and seeing their reaction is a moment of predictable pleasure in an endless drudgery of whiling away the hours, and those tiny bursts of dopamine – and connection with another person, if they respond well – are what keeps John going.
John struggles to focus on reading – every book he owns, we’ve seen him contemplate reading and put off until later. He does this with Colonel Sassacre’s (p.32, 69, 885), Wise Guy (p.123, 253), Data Structures for Assholes (p.116), and the Shaving Almanac (p.544). When he does sit down to read, he’s easily distracted (p.391) – he has good reason here, but this struggle to focus could be a sign of depression. This could be why John has an interest, paranormal lore, that we don’t really see him engage in; it’s easy for depression to take the joy out of something that was once filled with it.
I actually think it’s really interesting how Homestuck’s version of Wise Guy presents Harry Anderson – John’s hero – as a clumsy, incompetent fool (p.629) while the real world Wise Guy describes him as charismatic and in control of the crowd. I say this with all the love in the world, but John has the charisma of the fake Harry Anderson and not the real, and he believes that of himself too. John picking a hero who is described in such a negative light speaks to the type of people he identifies with.
On page 82, which is both the Homestuck title card and the best evidence for John’s depression, he refers to the streets as ‘empty’, to the ‘voids keeping neighbors apart’, ‘hollow’, ‘Desolation’, to feeling something ‘missing’, ‘eluding’, a sense of ‘lack’, ‘Absence’, a ‘mystery dispersing’, a ‘black well’. All that imagery is packed into two paragraphs that do not describe a happy person. This sense of emptiness, distance, space and loss of something is what I most associate with depression, and it provides a real contrast to those autistic meltdown moments where John is feeling too much.
John explicitly says that he feels trapped in his room (p.30) but I think he’s actually trapped in a mindset, and the room or house is more like the physical manifestation of that. That’s not a criticism of him, as I think that can be equally hard to break out of. I have talked a lot about growing up in the suburbs being terrible for finding community, but there is another angle. The Egberts are comfortably middle class, Dad has a car, money, flexible enough work schedule to take John’s birthday off, and supports John’s interests. There are probably computer programming clubs or amateur magic classes in a nearby city, and if John said he wanted to join something like that, I bet Dad would support him. John’s depression makes it impossible for him to even imagine a better situation, much less take steps to grasp it – he needed to be seconds from death for his survival instincts to kick in and make him take action.
I hope that answers your question! Again, I’d love to hear other people’s thoughts on this if anyone has different experiences or picked up on different John moments.
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Love in Verses (X)
Chapter 10 : [I] was angry that my trust could not repose in the clear light, like poetry or freedom leaning in from sea
Hi! Here is another chapter! Today: lots of misogyny, the academic world being what it is, and some time spent at the beach with our best boy Elwood!
****
Pairing: Hozier x fem!reader (professor!AU)
Warnings: slow burn, angst, hurt, hurt/comfort, tooth-rotting fluff in later chapters, some scenes in later chapters will have heavy sexual themes even if it’s not explicit nsfw description, so minors here
Summary: Your life seems perfect. You're engaged, your career is thriving as you become an assistant professor at Trinity College, and this Andrew Hozier-Byrne you're sharing an office with seems to be a nice guy you hope to call a friend soon. Life seems to be smiling at you... until everything goes sour. When your fiancé breaks up with you, your perfect world shatters. And when your colleague also gets his heart broken soon after, your shared office seems to be a curse rather than a blessing. But Andrew seems determined to mend your broken hearts... Will things finally go according to plan?
Word Count: 4344
Masterlist for the series – Hozier’s masterlist – Main masterlist
Oysters
Our shells clacked on the plates. My tongue was a filling estuary, My palate hung with starlight: As I tasted the salty Pleiades Orion dipped his foot into the water.
Alive and violated, They lay on their bed of ice: Bivalves: the split bulb And philandering sigh of ocean Millions of them ripped and shucked and scattered.
We had driven to that coast Through flowers and limestone And there we were, toasting friendship, Laying down a perfect memory In the cool of thatch and crockery.
Over the Alps, packed deep in hay and snow, The Romans hauled their oysters south of Rome: I saw damp panniers disgorge The frond-lipped, brine-stung Glut of privilege
And was angry that my trust could not repose In the clear light, like poetry or freedom Leaning in from sea. I ate the day Deliberately, that its tang Might quicken me all into verb, pure verb.
Seamus Heaney, Field Work, 1979
Lunchtime with Andrew and Colm had turned into lunchtime with half the department somehow…
You were tired, you wanted to go home. A few weeks into teaching, you were already starting to feel the familiar tug of exhaustion. You had a thousand things to prepare for your research, books to read, articles to go through… And Andrew and you were still trying to fight against Sam and Frank’s marriage the best you could.
After the flower fiasco, out of which Andrew had managed to gain a moment of glory and a longing gaze from Sam, the two of you were working on a way to make you shine in Frank’s eyes. The perfect gift to offer the couple as they were moving in together seemed a good occasion. You had spent most of your evening the previous day browsing the internet with Andrew. He had come over to your place, had left well after midnight, didn’t want to disturb you by sleeping in the second bedroom. And you had fun, that was the strangest part of your evening. You had fun looking for gifts with Andrew, it had turned into finding the most ridiculous items available for purchase, and you had laughed until your eyes watered at his silly jokes. It was a sad thing to realise this had been the more you had laughed since Frank had left you…
You had stopped listening to the on-going conversation about a writer you didn’t know, your mind wandering away from your lunch to settle back on the previous evening. You were beginning to pick on some of his habits, noticing details about him. He hummed a lot, he tilted his head when thinking, ran his fingers through his hair when he was focused, he rubbed at his neck, his chin, his cheek when he was nervous or uncomfortable, pushed up his sleeves often too. Last night, when the conversation drifted away from your exes and onto the last museum you had visited, his head was tilted, his gaze stern and unwavering while he listened intently to you. It felt strange, to be near someone who listened to you so fully. Frank didn’t…
Your heart and chest grew warm at the memory of Andrew getting ready to leave. After midnight, he made a joke about the Gremlins when you offered him one last drink or bite to eat before he would leave, feeling guilty for your conversation and planning to have robbed the two of you of a decent dinner, your stomachs filled only with biscuits and coffee. He was putting on his coat when he joked about making a mess of your apartment if you fed him now, you both laughed at the silliness of it. You waited for him to wrap a warm scarf around his throat, to cover his ears with a beanie.
“Good night, Andrew.”
Simple words, and yet they made him look at you. You noticed the way his head bent a little, as if leaning towards you. His eyes were so green at such an ungodly hour, tiredness making the brown of his eyes recede. He offered you a shy smile, fidgeting with the sleeves of his warm grey coat.
“Andy.”
You stared at him in silence, surprised by his answer. His smile widened when he went on.
“Andy’s just fine, Y/N.”
You could only smile up at him then, you noticed the way his cheeks were flushed when you repeated his name.
He was so cute…
“That’s a little too much though, this whole thing about a feminist rewriting of history. To give classes about that… what a joke…”
Patterson’s words tore you away from your happy memory, pushed you right back in the present, in the reality you faced daily. University was not as progressive as it longed to be seen as, you were a painful witness of that…
You remembered the list of names Andrew had spontaneously given you during your first week. You reckoned his selection was spot on. Patterson was no exception. Mahoney was nodding enthusiastically, and you chose to ignore them. You were too tired, too emotionally exhausted to go through that kind of misogynistic conversation. You forced yourself not to listen to Andrew’s and Colm’s answers as they entered the debate, defending your side.
But then Andrew looked at you, spoke your name, and you were forced into reality again.
“Asking for help because you’ve run out of arguments?” Mahoney asked Andrew, and it was supposed to sound like mockery but it was too bitter for that.
“Y/N is literally an expert in what we’re discussing and a woman, don’t you think you should listen to her rather than your stupid biased views on such a matter?”
“I know plenty about the matter.”
“What a misogynistic answer… thank you for proving my point about your absolute ignorance.”
“And you’re an expert?”
“I’m not. That’s why I ask someone who’s dedicating her life to the voices of women and who is a woman when discussing something about women.”
Andrew’s breathing was heavy, his eyes stone cold and sharp. You had only seen him angry once before, that night you had learnt about your exes’ engagement. It made his voice deeper than usual, a low rumble that was scarier than the loud booming voice Frank used during arguments. His impressive stature wasn’t helping. And yet, when Andrew turned to you, his eyes were soft again, his voice back to its usual warmth, and he didn’t seem intimidating anymore.
“Do you want to add something?”
You didn’t, but the conversation was happening, and fleeing would only result in more violent views being expressed next time. So, you sharply looked over at your two mocking colleagues, and got to work.
You countered every argument, you offered numbers and examples even though you knew it would make no difference. After a while, you were getting angry more than annoyed. Colm and Andrew were backing you up every now and then, but the rest of your colleagues seemed uninterested by the debate at best, at worst they were enjoying the argument.
You let out a wry chuckle at Patterson, who was now not even trying to find arguments, but straight up rejecting your facts.
“How scientific of you to dismiss proven facts simply because they don’t fit your narrative…” you fought back with sarcasm, and he glowered at you. “And you call yourself an academic?”
“Hey! I’m not attacking your professionalism…”
“Are you not? As Andrew said, I’m the expert in this field. I am studying this issue and the impact of misogyny and patriarchy. And yet, you dismiss all my arguments without any proof whatsoever, without offering another explanation. You are only rejecting facts that do not fit your view of the world, or to be more precise, the world that brings you in a position of power over others. You enjoy the system that favours you instead of favouring everyone.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“You are ridiculous, claiming to have arguments when all you have are thoughts and no facts or proof whatsoever. I do have those. You’re a misogynistic man who clings to his tiny bit of power and feels emasculated if anyone dares to contradict him. You’re pathetic.”
You shot up, standing in a hurry and grabbing your stuff before heading back to your office. You didn’t pay attention to the discontented grumble that followed you, nor the scratch of another chair being pushed away from the table. You didn’t notice Andrew was following you until you were outside the room, heading for the stairs to go back to your office. You turned to him with a surprised expression painted all over your features.
“Andy?”
“Hmm?”
You stared at him in silence for a moment.
“You’re okay?” he asked with warmth in his voice and gaze.
“Yeah… I’m okay. I’m used to it.”
You didn’t like lying, but it was only half a lie. You were used to it, it happened more often than you had expected when you had chosen this career. You thought that the world of knowledge was a progressive one, a world filled with open minds. What a fool you had been… how naïve…
Now, you were growing numb to it, to some extent. The animosity was never far away. The attempts at slowing down, blocking, or even ending your career were a threat too. And you wished you could say you didn’t care at all by now, but you did. You did, and it drove you mad how frustrated you felt in front of such injustice, over the weight that was put onto your shoulders, over the exhaustion that came with constantly having to prove yourself, over the doubts that slithered there through your system even if you tried not to listen. It was the hardest part of your job, by far.
And then there were a few good ones like Andrew who gave you faith in humanity all over again.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, shifting his weight from one leg to the other, rubbing at his neck.
“It’s not your fault. On the contrary… thank you, for taking my side.”
“Of course.”
“And thank you for asking me. For including me in the conversation. For recognising the need to put me at the centre of the argument, instead of a male voice.”
You let out a chuckle as you opened the door of your shared office.
“I bet your mam taught you well.”
He grinned, fondness evident in his eyes as he talked about his parents. You had noticed how love was always in his gaze when he spoke of his family.
“Yeah… trying to put in practice what she taught me.”
“Thank you.”
“You’ll never have to thank me for something like this.”
You tried to ignore how much that fight had shaken you, but you could barely focus all afternoon, and Andrew seemed to notice. It was still early when he turned off his computer and grabbed his coat, then planted his tall frame in front of your desk.
“Come on, let’s go to the beach.”
You stared at him with a blank stare, blinking.
“The beach?”
“Lunch got me worked up… I can’t focus on anything. I need to clear my head, and to me, there’s no better place for that than the sea. So… come on! Let’s go to the beach!”
“I have work to do.”
“You’ll work tomorrow.”
“Andrew…”
“Andy,” he corrected you with a warm smile, and you couldn’t refrain your own grin.
“Andy,” you repeated. “I’ve got things to do!”
“Yes! And they include breathing the fresh air of the sea, listening to the waves and having fun!”
“And freezing to death? It’s November… in case you’ve forgotten.”
“I haven’t forgotten… I go swimming almost every morning.”
You stared at him with unfaltering eyes.
“You’re insane.”
“I need to go home first, but we can meet up by the coast? I know a nice spot.”
“Okay.”
“Do you like dogs?”
You raised a surprised eyebrow at his question, it was coming out of nowhere.
“Erm… yes… of course…”
“Good. I mean… I have to get my dog. He will never forgive me if I go to the beach without him.”
“You have a dog?! How cute! What kind of dog is he?”
Andrew chuckled at that.
“I don’t know… some kind of mix between a border collie and… something else. I have no clue.”
Your expression softened as you smiled. He looked away, his cheeks turning a bright shade of pink under the darkness of his beard.
“Alright, I’ll text you the address of the nearest village, and I’ll guide you the rest of the way.”
“You’re not about to murder me and get rid of my body in some deserted creek, are you?”
He laughed at your joke, bright and loud, and you were quite proud of that, of being responsible for such a sound.
“No guarantees…”
“I should decline then…”
“Hey! You need to live a more adventurous kind of life! Take risks!”
“You could be planning on feeding me to your dog.”
“Now that you mention it, he hasn’t had his ration of human flesh this week.”
“See? That’s what I’m saying!”
You both laughed, Andrew shook his head fondly at you.
“Elwood is a good boy, don’t worry. I won’t be long.”
You were shutting off your computer as well when Andrew exited the room.
You had hurried to the tiny village, spotted a shop and were now motionless in the middle of the aisle, staring at rubber bones and colourful balls.
Andrew should have reached the village fifteen minutes ago, but you were starting to get used to his chronical lateness. He seemed to never be on time for anything. “Time blindness”, he called it. Whatever it was, there was no need to worry. He would show up eventually, apologise profusely, with a mix of guilt and embarrassment on his face, and then you would tell him it was alright because you couldn’t find it in you to be annoyed at him, and he would look at you again and smile…
You smiled as you reached for a squishy ball, with little flowers painted on it. Yellow and white. Daisies.
You bought the toy, went back to your car to wait for Andrew. He arrived almost thirty minutes late, hurried out of his car and secured his dog on a leash before walking over to you. The guilt and embarrassment you were expecting were painted all over his features, indeed.
“I’m sorry… it took me longer than I thought to pick this one up,” he explained with a nod towards his dog.
“That’s okay. And God, you’re adorable,” you said to the dog, crouching down to let the dog approach you. “What’s his name?”
“Elwood.”
The dog seemed to immediately like you, he let you pet his head, wiggling his tail in delight.
“Oh, yes… you’re a good boy!” you cooed. “Here, I’ve bought you something!”
You stood straighter again, offered the ball to Andrew.
He stared at you with bewilderment.
“You… you bought him a toy?”
“Yes! I love dogs! I hope I can have one, someday…”
“You… you shouldn’t have…”
“It makes me happy.”
Andrew couldn’t find any argument against that.
“Thank you.”
You headed towards the beach together. Elwood was obedient yet excited, clearly recognising where you were heading. It was sunny despite the cold weather, you readjusted your scarf a couple of times, put on your gloves after a while. And it was easy to find a topic of conversation with Andrew. First work, your classes, your research as you reached the beach. Then politics as you walked across the sand, sending the ball away for Elwood to catch and bring back. Then movies and art as you watched the waves roll towards you. And then your broken hearts when you were sitting in the sand, side by side, watching over Elwood who was running around by the edge of the water.
The sand was soft under your fingers, your gaze set on the horizon, an infinity of blues and greens, of white waves and the moving shapes of seagulls.
“Are you coming to the dinner next week?” Andrew asked, his deep voice breaking the quiet of the cold sea.
You heaved a sigh, closed your eyes for a second. Frank and Sam had invited both you and Andrew to have dinner in some expansive restaurant in Dublin. A way to ‘get a brand-new start’, Frank had called it. You thought it was rather a new way to get your heart broken, but you didn’t have a choice. If you wanted Frank back, you couldn’t miss any opportunity to see him.
“Of course, I’m coming.”
You opened your eyes to look at Andrew as he slowly nodded.
“I’m glad you’re coming,” he confessed. “I was worried to go on my own.”
“Don’t worry. We’re a team for this! We said we would help each other out, and we will. We’ll get the people we love back.”
Andrew smiled, a gesture grateful, but tainted with sorrow. He set his green eyes on the horizon, you watched as the loose curls that had escaped his man-bun were floating in the wind. But then you followed his gaze, stared at the wildness of the sea, its everchanging shape, and you wondered if anything was meant to last in this world, if anything at all could be called permanent…
“What’s going to happen, then? If we fail, if we can’t get them back, if they really don’t love us anymore… what will happen then?”
Andrew was silent for a moment, staring at you now. You could feel his gaze set upon your face, but you couldn’t look at him. It was easier to search for where the sky met the sea.
“Then… we’ll go through hell.”
You let out a long exhale. His voice was quiet, barely there over the wind. Deep, calm, aching.
“We’ll suffer. A lot. And eventually, we’ll get over it.”
“How?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“I don’t think that I could love anyone else the way I love Frank.”
“We don’t have to love them the same way we love Frank and Sam. On the contrary, I think every love we feel is unique. It’s shaped by the person we feel so intensely for. I’ll never love anyone the way I love Sam. But maybe I’ll be able to have a love that’s just as important. It will simply be… different.”
“Missing him feels like grieving.”
“Hmm… Missing her feels like grieving too. It’s the same kind of… void. The emptiness that’s left behind. The silence, the habit of opening your mouth to speak to them, but remembering they’re gone, that there’s no one left to listen to you now, and closing your mouth again… a mouth that’s rendered useless now, as there is nobody left to listen to you anyway.”
Slowly, you nodded, feeling your throat tightening at the pain in Andrew’s voice, at the way his thoughts echoed your own.
“I forget that he’s gone all the time,” you nodded, sniffling, although you weren’t crying. “I just… forget… and then I remember, and it hurts all over again.”
“Yeah… me too.”
The wind was so cold, it felt like knives entering the skin of your cheekbones. You readjusted your beanie so it would perfectly cover your ears. Every time either of you spoke, a tiny cloud was born from your lips, and died in the wind.
Andrew’s dog was unaware of your sadness, unaware of the hole that was gnawing a little bit more every day at your heart. He was happy running around the beach, chasing after birds, playing with the waves.
You smiled, soft and sad and filled with the want to forget again.
“I really like your dog a lot,” you chuckled.
Andrew looked at his pet as well, a tender smile on his lips.
“I’m glad,” was his only answer.
“He’s a good boy.”
He hummed softly, rubbing at his cold hands.
“I don’t think Sam likes him very much.”
“Really?”
“I don’t think she likes dogs in general all that much. She was always nice to him, don’t get me wrong. But I don’t think she loved him. When I do. I love him. He’s family.”
“Of course, he is,” you answered with an unmistakable fondness in your voice, one that made Andrew look at you again.
You could feel him shifting next to you, guessed that he hesitated to ask a question. You encouraged him to ask whatever he wanted. You were in a confessing mood, after all.
“What’s your dream?”
You looked up at him with a questioning look, surprised at his question coming out of the blue.
“What do you mean?”
“Do you have a dream? Or… did you have one? When you were younger?”
You blinked up at him, feeling silly as you thought of an answer.
Of course you had dreams. You had tons of them.
“I’ve learnt a long time ago that dreams don’t come true.”
He frowned at your answer, his gaze saddened at your words.
“If you could make one true, what dream would it be?”
You blinked tears away, set your gaze on the sea again.
Blue. Blue and splashes of white. A thousand hues of those colours, as far as the eye could see. Such a beauty… And the sound of the waves reaching the shore, curling into white foam, regular like a pattern, soft like a melody.
“I really wanted to be loved for who I am. I just… I would really like for someone to love me. To care about what I think, to care about what I have to say, to hold me when I feel sad. I just… I would really like to feel safe, just once. To have someone… who would treat me as their equal, someone for whom I wouldn’t have to overthink each answer, someone with whom I wouldn’t have to fight to have a chance to be listened to. Sometimes I… It’s so hard to be a woman sometimes. It feels like I’m always fighting. Fighting for my rights, fighting for a chance to be who I want, fighting to be listened to, fighting to be taken seriously, fighting to get my life together, fighting to meet people’s expectation, fighting… for everything. I just… I want to have someone who would make me feel safe enough so I could stop fighting around them. It’s a lot to ask.”
“It shouldn’t be.”
You were surprised by his words, but when you looked at him, his stare was stern and unwavering.
“Did you feel like that with Frank? Did you feel safe enough to be yourself?”
You bit on your lip, hesitated on whether to lie or tell the truth. You didn’t feel like lying though…
“Not all the time.”
You let out a sad chuckle.
“But it’s just a dream, Andy. Dreams don’t come true. I can’t offer to stop fighting. If I do, I’ll just end up giving up… And I’ve done so much already to get my career, to be who I am today… I can’t rest, not when there’s no one to offer me a place to do so. And there will never be anyone to offer it to me. People are too flawed for that.”
You were surprised when Andrew reached for your hand, but you let him touch your skin, wrap his fingers around yours. His hand was so much larger than yours…
“I really wish you could have someone who would make you feel this way. I wish… I wish you didn’t have to fight in the first place.”
You looked up at him, blinking tears away.
“You’re so strong,” he whispered, and there was something close to awe in his expression, although you couldn’t believe that someone could have such feeling aimed at you. “I hope you know that, at least. That you’re unbelievably strong.”
You smiled, and so did Andrew. A genuine smile, that wasn’t so sad anymore.
“What about you? What was your dream?”
Andrew let go of your hand, rested his forearms on his knees as he looked at Elwood, checking that his dog was alright, but he was still busy running after seagulls.
“I wanted to be a musician, once.”
“A musician?”
“Yeah… I used to sing a lot. Played guitar too. I still do, with old friends.”
“What made you decide to be an academic then?”
A pause, filled with Elwood’s happy barks, the distant cries of seabirds, the regular whisper of the sea.
“There were sacrifices to be made. I didn’t want to make them. I thought I could, for a while. I had a few opportunities. But they were all… They were not me. There were talks for an album at one point, an opportunity for me to sing and be paid for it. But they wouldn’t have been my songs. They were pop hits in the making. They were aimed to please others. And I… I didn’t want to do that. I had things to say, and I wanted to tell them my way. It didn’t work out. And then my father…”
He blinked tears away, and you said nothing. He cleared his throat.
“My father had surgery when he was younger. He had some trouble again a few years ago. He’s fine now, and it wasn’t anything serious, but… I don’t know, I think… I thought about the cost that having a life on the road would have. If I wanted to make music the way I wanted to, it would cost me even more than a pop hit would. And I was in love with Sam, and my family needed me, and I thought… I thought it wasn’t worth it. At one point, I had to choose between studying or music. I changed majors from music to literature, finally had the opportunity to study things I was interested in. I didn’t drop out. Instead, I stayed in Dublin, I gave up on the hope of having a career as a musician.”
“Do you regret it?”
“Sometimes,” he admitted. “More so since Sam has left.”
You playfully nudged him.
“Hey! We wouldn’t have met had you become a rockstar! So, it’s not all that bad! I’m glad you chose a life where we could become friends.”
He looked at you, hazel turning fully green in the pale light of winter, cheeks pinkish in the cold. His nose was a little red, his gaze tender as it rested upon yours.
“I’m glad we could become friends too, Y/N. I’m really glad about that.”
You exchanged a smile, rested your head on his shoulder, wrapped your arm around his. You both remained silent for a long time, staring at the sea, the beach, the birds, Elwood still having the time of his life. And you were content to say nothing, to simply be there next to Andrew.
Your cheek felt warm while it rested against him.
#andrew hozier byrne#hozier#the hoziest#hozier x reader#hozier x y/n#hozier x you#hozier fanfiction#hozier fanfic#hozier series#hozier fem!reader#fanfiction#fanfic#writing#series#hozier au#professor au#hozier professor au
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The Journalists (Part 1): Katey from But Why Tho
The Journalist who Takes No Bullshit from Other Journalists Paid Writers
(Part 2) (Part 3)
Katey Stoetzel wrote a review about episode 8x06 "Confessions":
So far, this article is my favorite 9-1-1 review. I feel like Katey was reading my mind while she was writing this piece. Things which she mentioned in it, among others:
"...the election results play into the strong reactions surrounding this breakup."
"...this explanation leans on biphobic stereotypes, such as bisexual people not knowing what they want, or needing to sleep around with a lot of people to know what they want."
"After referring to Buck exclusively by his first name, Evan, Tommy immediately distances himself from his intimate connection with Buck. And that feels pretty definitive."
"...thanks to Lou Ferrigno Jr’s performance in 9-1-1 Season 8 Episode 6, who layers so many nuances to Tommy in this scene that it would be a disgrace to not follow up on this character,..."
"...if we don’t then all the show has done is leave a gay man lost, heartbroken, and alone with seemingly no plans to resolve it."
Rarely, I found a piece of writing where almost every word was resonated with me. I could rave on and on about this review (I've told you that it was my favorite). However, it's better if you read it by yourself, if you haven't done it yet.
*********
Katey also interviewed Lou Ferrigno Jr. about the break up storyline.
For Tevan fans, this interview is like an oasis in the desert. First of all, it is the only interview with Lou after the break up, which is not saddled with Buddie questions 🙄. Secondly, Katey brought up Tevan fans' reaction to the discussion. Something which has been omitted by the paid writers who were pandering to toxic Buddie fans. The interview makes us feel seen. Probably, this is how we'd feel if we had a thoughtful queer story on TV, in which queer characters were not put aside, sad, alone, brokenhearted, or dead 😔.
*********
Initially, I thought I might be biased towards Katey, just because she also liked Tevan. Thus, I decided to read her review about episode 8x08 "Wannabes":
Oh boy, did she deliver! Every complaint about the episode which I've read on Tumblr is included in her review. And it's not just about Tevan:
"...[This episode] features a lot of Brad... is an odd choice, considering main characters like Maddie (Jennifer Love Hewitt) and Chimney (Kenneth Choi) have barely gotten to do anything this first half of the season. Eddie (Ryan Guzman), too, feels underutilized...."
"Brad gets regulated to chores (why is he getting more screen time at the 118 than anyone else again?)...."
"And there’s still the Shannon of it all. The fallout from the Hitchcock-inspired soap drama of 9-1-1 Season 7 hasn’t adequately addressed Eddie’s grief."
"...this part of the episode [how the suicidal man was saved] rings really hollow for a bit centered around suicide."
"...Episode 8 doesn’t have a mid-season vibe to it... besides Eddie potentially moving, there’s nothing juicy enough to send us off on a five-month hiatus. Bobby and Athena’s house situation hasn’t been discussed since Episode 4. Hen (Aisha Hinds) and Karen (Tracie Thoms) haven’t been around since 9-1-1 Season 8 Episode 5. While they got a lot of focus during the Ortiz storyline, Hen hasn’t had much to do in recent episodes."
"...Buck’s obvious want to call Tommy feels like he has unresolved issues with how things ended (we do, too.) However, the implication in interviews that it’s over between Buck and Tommy is CONFUSING... having Buck taking no action in the wake of this breakup so far, especially heading into hiatus, is a little frustrating."
I'm not the only one who resonates with Katey's review. At this point, I'm almost certain that Katey has been lurking on Tumblr, reading our rants one by one 😂. The mention of "Hitchcock-inspired soap", "the Shannon of it all", and "why is he [Brad] getting more screen time at the 118 than anyone else again?" made me laugh. Her articles show that this woman got brain, and a sharp tongue. I'm sure Katey could match firefighter pilot Thomas Kinard in a duel of words, and probably even won over him.
*********
@earthquakebi also praised another body of work from Katey: a Season 8A deep dive by Jose Cordova & Katey Stoetzel on Between TV podcast:
*********
However, Katey's bravest and most impressive article that I've read so far is a rather old one (recommended by @nqueso-emergency). It's not a review on any episodes of the show. It is about its fandom, and the press around it. The article was published on April 25. 2024, only 21 days after Buck's bisexual revelation first aired on April 4, 2024:
In this article, Katey criticized the paid writers who had been questioning "whether or not Buddie... is on the table", although it had "no basis in what’s happening on screen." She also pointed out that what those paid writers had been doing "creates a vicious cycle of misinterpretations, baiting, toxic fandom habits, and deciding that there’s only one way to interpret something." and "ridiculous expectations and assumptions all just centered around CLICKS and ENGAGEMENT."
It is interesting that she put the blame on the paid writers for FANNING TOXIC BEHAVIORS among fandom.
Katey didn't name names, but she inserted links to several articles and one video, while pointing out the baseless fandom pandering aspects on those bodies of work. And she certainly didn't mince her words 😂.
Her article is closed by a contemplative paragraph about journalism in the entertainment world:
"There’s a duty one has when sitting down for an interview with a cast, and that’s TO INQUIRE about the show that they have worked hard to bring us. And they definitely SHOULDN'T BE USED as an opportunity TO VALIDATE A FANDOM SHIP. That road just leads to disappointment, and an unfair insistence that if anyone disagrees, then they’re wrong. That’s not what fandom should be about. And it’s certainly not what entertainment journalism is about."
#bucktommy#buck x tommy#buck tommy#tommy kinard#thomas kinard#tevan#kinkley#antibuddie#anti buddie#911 discourse#911 wank#911 fandom#911#911 abc#911 on abc#911 show#journalism#katey stoetzel#fandom#fandom wank#lou ferrigno jr#911 critical
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Speed dating is. The BEST fic I’ve ever read. I’m being so serious. And this is coming from a chronic fic-reader
I SCREAMED!!! this is insane and so so crazy to me!! thank you! i really really appreciate it!!!
i'm aware speed dating is near the top of the tag since it's kind of new so here are some other stan/reader fics i really really like (sunshine is my fave rn but otherwise in no particular order) under the cut!!
Sunshine by dipppyfresh (100,706 words, incomplete)
Your brother has gone missing, and the last place he was heard from is a town called Gravity Falls. You're going to find out what happened. You've been looking for an escape, and a certain family- specifically, a certain man- might help you do just that.
Sailor Stories by DesertWitch33 (8,770 words, complete)
As a tour guide in a small harbor town, you always promised yourself you wouldn't fall in love with the sailors that came in and out of the place- you know better than that. But when Stan Pines and his brother show up to investigate one of your favorite legends, your resolve is tested... and of course, there is the actual problem of being captured by ghost pirates on Halloween...
Natural Attraction by consult_the_potato (69,443 words, incomplete)
Making your way to your college lab-partner's newest research location, you're excited at the prospects of a fresh beginning in a new town. The house is quaint, the woods are deep and mysterious, and Stanford Pines is the same goofball you remember him being. Even with the addition of another research partner (a hick, as surprised as you may be), the duo in the cabin make for a great pair of roommates.
Ford's boisterous brother, on the other hand, is someone you think you'd rather keep at arm's length.
Must See: Mystery Shack by guilty_pleasures_abound (6,534 words, complete)
You're a travel writer, putting together an article of the pacific northwest's weirdest, most tourist-trap stops on the map. When you entered the Mystery Shack as part of your trip, you could have never anticipated just how up-close-and-personal you would end up getting with its colorful proprietor.
Stood Up by DesertWitch33 (8,695 words, complete)
Online dating is the worst, especially when you get stood up for a first date at the county fair. Luckily, a man named Stan saves the day.
Sweetcheeks by lady_brontide (12,548 words, complete)
Babysitting for Stan puts you in some weird situations. As a salesman, Stan Pines can turn any odd little mishap to his advantage, and he's turning a mortifying situation you found yourself in to an offer worth considering.
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Why are we here?
You are always bounded in life and never really a free spirit. When we seek freedom, the freedom is never unattainable but what you get is less boundaries of the system. The life of a system works in way that will just keep you bounded. Bounded by the people, relationship but mostly your mind. You are always going to be someone else. You are always gonna be surrounded by the people and you’ll be…
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A Writer on Writing: George Orwell
George Orwell:
Probably it is better to put off using words as long as possible and get one’s meanings as clear as one can through pictures and sensations. Afterward one can choose – not simply accept – the phrases that will best cover the meaning, and then switch round and decide what impression one’s words are likely to make on another person. This last effort of the mind cuts out all stale or mixed images, all prefabricated phrases, needless repetitions, and humbug and vagueness generally. But one can often be in doubt about the effect of a word or a phrase, and one needs rules that one can rely on when instinct fails. I think the following rules will cover most cases:
Never use a metaphor, simile or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
Never use a long word where a short one will do.
If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
Never use the passive where you can use the active.
Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.
These rules sound elementary, and so they are, but they demand a deep change of attitude in anyone who has grown used to writing in the style now fashionable. One could keep all of them and still write bad English, but one could not write the kind of stuff that I quoted in those five specimens at the beginning of this article.
Source More: George Orwell
#george orwell#on writing#writing tips#writing advice#writeblr#spilled ink#dark academia#writing reference#writing inspiration#light academia#langblr#linguistics#literature#writers on tumblr#poets on tumblr#writing prompt#poetry#writing resources
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a christopher eccleston appreciation post
i will never say this enough because i don't know enough words, nor do i think such words exist, that could even begin to summarize how much i love christopher eccleston, but... i love christopher eccleston. and, more importantly, i have a deep-rooted respect for that man.
i started doctor who as, let's be honest, a sci-fi hater, forcing myself because i was obsessed with david tennant, and i was kind of dreading the first series because of this. but i was dead wrong.
he broadened my mind, gave me so many laughs, and so many cries, and i'm not the first to say that whenever eccleston is on the screen you just can't take your eyes off him, even when he's not supposed to be the main focus of the scene.
the way he can switch from silly goose to traumatized soldier in a matter of seconds will never cease to amaze me. or how he can play with both like he's on a swing by balancing it out with sarcasm?
i think whoever doesn't give him the title role in their shows/films is either an idiot, or they know the main character just isn't always the best.
i think it's downright idiotic and shameful that he gets rejected from ever playing some shakespeare just because of his northern accent (they're just posh elitist pos). now that he's older, and that times are evolving (i mean, i hope the world of theater is vibing with this evolution, but i'm not delusional), i hope we get to see him portray a character like leontes in winter's tale cause i know he'd be absolutely perfect for the role, and who better than shakespeare (this character especially, with his nuances and highs and lows and breakdowns and breakthroughs) to match acting like his?
saw an article where eccleston talked about how the moment he really knew he wanted to be an actor was when he had to wear mascara for a play, and had enjoyed it. i think he talks about it in his autobiography too (you should read it, btw, it's frankly affordable, and he happens to be a marvelous writer as well).
eccleston knows he is mistakenly type-cast, because of his background, as macho men and tough blokes in general. he's aware that it's kind of a big part of his culture. again, he talks about it i think in the very first chapter, how for instance he used to dress up as james bond, the pinnacle of "masculinity", which i think was a disguise in the metaphorical sense of the term, to mask his delicacy and femininity (or at least, that's my interpretation of it).
in his biography, eccleston talks about the differences between him and his dad, ronnie: he was surprised, as a child, whenever his father's affection manifested as a kiss or a hug, cause that usually wasn't his father's way of doing things. he compares it to how he, in contrast, has the habit of kissing his own son, albert, and telling him he loves him.
you can find it as well in how he talks about his anorexia, his body dysmorphia and, i think we can call it that, gender dysphoria. he's from a time when those concepts didn't even exist, they weren't a thing to the public eye. my father and my step-father, both feminine men in their own way, and both around eccleston's age, both told me about the struggle that it represented, not being the stereotype of the macho tough guy, and being surrounded by boys who didn't struggle with that issue. it made my dad a junkie, my stepdad a depressive artist, and, apparently, it made eccleston an anorexic actor.
i think it takes a lot of courage for people that age (the boomer generation as we call them), especially men, from whom we expect toxic masculinity, masculinity pushed to an extreme, to be able to openly call it out and dissect it into what it is: a ridiculous standard. but to be a PUBLIC FIGURE, in his 60s, and still find the strength to express it? damn. takes guts, i think.
most of us on this website, we're babies. most of us are at most in their thirties. the millenials and the gen z, and now the gen alpha, we take that for granted. or get offended and scandalized that being able to express oneself isn't yet a basic standard.
but then, i talk to my mum, and i realize that she had to stray from her catholic, sexist education, she had to make up her own mind about things in order for me to be born a free spirit. and that's just considering my mum's a cishet.
christopher eccleston expressed in other words that he doesn't fully consider himself to be cisgendered. i have mad respect for the way he talks about it, and for even talking about it at all.
then, there's his honesty. the more interviews i watch, the more it impresses me. he knows honesty goes hand in hand with dignity. i'm sorry but i'm tired of people who are nice all the time. you never know when they're being honest, and maybe some of them are, who knows. but i'm not stupid enough to think that so many people are just pure sunshine all the time (respect for tennant for lashing out publically about transphobia, i think he passed the test).
eccleston? he knows how to be both brutally honest and yet respectful at the same time. no ukulele apology from this man and holy fuck, it feels good!
i've seen him call russel t davies out for his lack of professionalism on the set of doctor who, and then list him amongst the great writers he's worked with. which makes me want to believe eccleston's side, because, if you're always either too polite, or too full of spite about eveything, who's to say you're not the problem? i've got way less trouble believing you if you can stay unbiased about a person you're having beef with than if suddenly everything said person does turns into shit just cause you don't like them. that's just maturity and wisdom.
one last thing i love about eccleston is that he is interested in other people's lives. there's a critic by marcus berkmann in his book that perfectly expresses my point: "you know what to expect from the autobiographies of most actors, i think: anecdotes, charm, more than mild self-satisfaction and faux-modesty by the bucketload. but christopher eccleston is not most actors".
and that's it. watch him in interviews and at convention panels, where he lets his younger co-stars speak before himself, and seizes the occasion when journalists ask him questions that are meant to make him talk about himself to praise his writers and other actors instead.
read his autobiography, which is both a love letter to his dad and a big let's-be-honest about the struggles of growing up poor and his personal struggles, because he thinks raising awareness is just as important as protecting himself.
look at his instagram posts where he unabashedly disses the monarchy and stays true and loyal to his background even after getting a taste of money. and his other posts where he shares his love for acorns and spending time with his kids.
i've seen him nearly break down in shame and regret on television for having stolen a kid's crisps in primary school. and not trying to find lame excuses for his behaviour. no ukulele apology, just facts, just christopher eccleston showing us what masculinity in its purest, most beautiful form should be about
#christopher eccleston#i love the bones of you#doctor who#ninth doctor#9th doctor#the leftovers#matt jamison#death and the compass#red scharlach#the a word#maurice scott#hearts and minds#drew mackenzie#crackers#david bilborough#our friends in the north#nicky hutchinson#shallow grave#david stephens#hillsborough#trevor hicks#jude#jude fawley#macbeth
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Hey this is pretty out there but I'm a virgin who's trying to write sex scenes and my biggest concern is I won't be able to convey the emotions and feelings right... any tips?
It would be super helpful 💖
Writing a Sex Scene Without Experience
The thing about sex is it's not just one thing that's experienced one way. No one can say "write it like this" and you're good to go. The whole act--the build up, the actions, the feelings, the emotions--all depends on the specific people involved, who they are, what they know, how they relate to one another, exactly what happens, past experience, even personality and mood. And to top it off, all of those things matter for the person writing it, too.
This is why experience is really helpful if you're trying to write a sex scene, because you can take that experience and knowledge and put them through the filter of your characters' personality, mood, experience, etc. And obviously, you can't really do that without experience because you have no baseline to filter through your characters' own point-of-view.
So... that said, there are two alternatives you can fall back on if you need to write a sex scene without experience:
#1 - Get Fictional Experience - Believe it or not, fictional experience does make a difference, and by "fictional experience" I mean watching TV shows and movies with sex scenes, reading books and stories with sex scenes, and reading informational articles about sex scenes. You don't even need to read or watch anything explicit... there are various "spice" levels to all of it. How explicit you get into things is entirely up to you, so you can match the level of fictional sex scenes you experience to the level of what you want to write. Just be sure to pay close attention to build-up (including what the relationship and interaction are like beforehand), body language, facial expressions, actions, etc. (And when reading these scenes, pay special attention to word choice, pacing, and sensory detail.) Also: although I'm not going to write such a guide, there actually are writing guides out there (including whole books) that go into detail about how to write these types of scenes. You'll still want to filter the information through your own characters' POVs, however.
#2 - Fade to Black - Some writers without sexual experience choose not to write sex scenes at all, instead using some form of a "fade to black." I talk about different ways to do that in my post Non-Explicit Sex Scene. There's still plenty of opportunity for exploring the deep romantic feelings that lead up to and follow intercourse, but you don't have to worry about fitting those feelings into the actual sex act. I have a lot of posts in my Relationships: Romance master list of post that can help you with all of that.
Happy writing!
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I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!
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What's New In IF? Issue 30 (2024)
By Aj, Dion, Briar, Jen and Peter
Now Available!
Itch.io - Keep Reading below
If you read the zine, consider liking the post: it helps us see how many people see it! And sharing is caring! <3
~ EDITORIAL ~
Event Highlight!
In this Issue we take a quick look at the Videotome Jam hosted by Freya, the dev behind all the Videotome game engines!
Continue reading to find out more!
We want some feedback!
As we’re starting to get a hand of things, we would love some feedback from you guys! What you enjoy, want more or less off, how we could improve... Anything goes! We even have a nifty form.
We hope you enjoy this new issue!
AJ, DION, BRIAR, JEN AND PETER
~ BE A PART OF THE ZINE ~
THIS ZINE ONLY HAPPENS WITH YOU!
Want to write 1-2 pages about a neat topic, or deep-dive into a game and review it in details? Share personal experiences or get all academic?
WRITE FOR THE COLUMN!
Prefer to be more low-key but still have something to share? Send us a Zine Letter or share a game title for Highlight on…!
WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!
Came across something interesting? Know a release or an update announced? Saw an event happening? Whether it's a game, an article, a podcast… Add any IF-related content to our mini-database!
EVERY LITTLE BIT COUNTS!
Contact us through Tumblr asks, Forum DMs, or even by email! And thank you for your help!!
~ EVENT SPOTLIGHT : Videotome Jam - "Waiting" ~
November 16th to December 1st 2024
Videotome Jam is a two-week-long game jam for games made in any of the Videotome engines with the optional theme of "Waiting".
What is Videotome?
Videotome is a series of small homebrew IF/VN engines made by Freya Campbell (communistsister), an indie game developer focusing on narrative games that are usually:
science fiction, horror, &/or romance
close to 100% LGBTQ characters
free/PWYW with low tech requirements
liable to make players keysmash due to feelings
Videotome was first released in April 2022 as a part of a game entry for the Domino Club collective. The initial idea for the engine was to make writing text-heavy games as hassle-free as possible, focusing not that much on the visual presentation format, but more on the writer's experience. It would allow writers to write in a notepad and then it would somehow grab the .txt file and parse the lines into an array, spitting them out one line at a time as a kinetic novel.
At the moment there are four engines available:
Videotome, for linear, no frills text / images / music;
Videotome ADV, adding a more conventional layout with ignorable choices and branching;
Super Videotome, for more fully featured and freeform image/canvas use;
Videotome Heartbreak, adding a stat raising dating sim & storylets structure to the above.
If you're more interested in the process of making these engines, check out the devs blog post - Words, Friction, Syntax: Stuff I thought about when making Videotome. (The post also includes a very interesting case study concerning other game engines Freya has experience with.)
If you want to check out some examples of projects made with Videotome, take a look at this collection. It includes games made by both Freya and other devs.
~ ONGOING (VOTING) ~
The voting for ECTOCOMP 2024 has officially started! To vote and participate as a jury, you must do so by giving between 1 to 5 stars on each entry page of the jam. The voting period ends on November 30.
~ ONGOING (SUBMITTING) ~
A Hallmark movie is a feel-good, family-friendly film, often centered around romance, personal growth, or holiday themes. A Very Hallmark Game Jam with a theme of “Charming Love Interest with a Secret” is also all about that!
Are you a fan of Videotome games? Then the Videotome Jam with an optional theme “Waiting” is for you!
This year’s Yuri Game Jam is in full progress. The devs have until December 2nd to submit their projects.
The Educational Jam is a perfect place to learn something new. Discuss some obscure tidbit. Showcase your insight about a specific thing, your pub trivia skills, or that Wikipedia rabbit hole you went down last time.
Disabled Rep VN Jam has a very simple premise but a very important message.
Once upon a time, a game jam was held to create stories around the theme of fairy tales… and that game jam is the Once Upon A Time VN Jam. It’s running from October 1st to January 31st.
Concours de Fiction Interactive Francophone 2025 is for all French-speaking enthusiasts. Submissions are accepted March 3rd 2025.
Are you perhaps a fan of more somber, melancholic themes? Then check out the Dying Year - Visual Novel Jam! You have until the end of the year to participate.
The Black Visual Novel Jam is all about working with creative professional developers who work in visual novels to bring more Black stories to life. The goal is to create a space where Black creators can show their unique storytelling through visual novels.
~ OTHER ~
PIZZAPRANKS is accepting submissions for their Indiepocalypse Issue #61. If you’re a dev and would like to try out your luck, definitely check it out! Any game is welcomed, not only IF.
~ NEW RELEASE ~
In Arctic Adventure unearth forgotten journals, repair malfunctioning equipment, and solve puzzles to piece together the station’s dark past. But beware—some secrets are better left buried in the ice.
You are a dragon - huge, winged, flying and even capable of magic. Only here, in a system of caves created by your magic, you can be yourself. But the time has come for you to leave your home. The old map, that you've been keeping since times immemorial, is now ready to unravel it's secrets in A Dragon and the Tower.
You’ve spent your whole life visiting the majestic Hotel Lexington, and now you’ve inherited it! The once-grand building is in disrepair, and rumored to be haunted! You’re the only one who can restore its former glory before it’s lost forever. Check in to your hotel, and check out the ghosts in Haunted Hearts Hotel.
As always, don't forget to check out the submitted entries to the events mentioned in the previous pages. They deserve some love too!
~ NEW RELEASE (WIP) ~
You are a key member of "The Constellation Club," a close-knit group of friends brought together by your shared love for music and dreams. Over time, the club members drifted apart, but a mystery brings you all back together. Reunite with your friends, uncover secrets, and chase the dreams that first united you in The Constellation Club (Twine).
Have you enjoyed the first Volume of Oblivious Melodies? Then be sure to check out Chapter 1 of Volume 2 (Twine)! You play as the Horne siblings, navigating their emergence into gentry society. You will delve into a country divided by class, religious dissent, political factionalism, and the ever-encroaching interests of empire. @oblivious-melodies
In Ashenmaw - Dragons of Marrowoods (CScript) you play as a freshly hatched dragon whelp, navigating the odds and ends of the politics and mysteries of the five flights. Intermingle with the younger races, and jump headfirst into uncovering the secrets of Ashenmaw and the Marrowoods. @ashenmaw-if
Aydan joins his husband Leo in this important family reunion that takes place 2 months after his father’s death. Suddenly, they are all trapped in the house for 3 days and the lawyer states that one of the siblings is the murderer of their own father! Find out who the real culprit is in Guilty at 5PM (Ren’Py).
In a realm of forgotten tales, you emerge as a ghost to yourself. Stranded in a land where memories fear to tread, the icy breath of solitude kisses your bare flesh, a chilling reminder of your forsaken existence. In this realm where salvation dances with oblivion, Snowborn (CScript), awaken to tread the treacherous path through a world steeped in sorcery and demise.
You are a young nobleman, in a stagnating empire, either on the verge of resurgence, or it’s final demise. An Empire held together by fragile institutions, led by ego-driven men. And here you are, in the middle of it all. As this den of vipers strike, where will you fall? Find out in Scion of the Alason (CScript).
You wake up suddenly with a system telling you that you are occupying the body of a green tea b!tch! The spy of the fearsome overlord, Hasthael who betrayed him for the male hero, resulting in the death of his beloved lightning hound. Avoid the fate of dying and accomplish the missions given by two of the available systems in Project Dominion (CScript).
You are the Aeon, an omniscient entity as old as time. When your powers begin to malfunction and the source of an incoming threat is unbeknownst to you, how will you protect the fabric of the universe? Abandon your omnipresent form for the first time in millennia and craft an identity as a demon to infiltrate the Ethereal Plane in The Time Keeper (CScript).
~ UPDATES ~
Aesemyr: The Withering (CScript) released 3/4 of the "university gathering" path of Chapter 3.
After Dark (CScript) released the last part of the fifth day of the journey.
Eldritch Tales: Inheritance (CScript) released part one of Chapter 3. @darielivalyen
Honor Amongst Thieves (CScript) updated their public demo. @leoneliterary
Oh Mother, Where Art Thou? (CScript) started Act 2 of Chapter 1.
Our Life: Now and Forever (Ren’Py) added extra content to their Patreon demo. @gb-patch
The Abyssal Song (Twine) released Chapter 5. @ri-writes-if
Virtue’s End (CScript) has updated their Patreon demo. @virtues-end
When Life Gives You Lemons (CScript) updated their public demo. @when-life-gives-you-lemons-if
~ OTHER ~
Is playtesting something that interests you? Check out part one of Drew Cook’s let’s TEST IF #1: being a playtester. @golmac
GlasswingGames is currently running a giveaway! You can enter to win either a chibi or emote of a character of your choice! @glasswinggames
~
As always, we apologize in advance for missing any update or release from the past week. We are only volunteers using their limited free time to find as much as we can - but sometimes things pass through the cracks.
If you think something should have been included in this week's zine but did not appear, please shoot us a message! We'll do our best to add it next week! And if you know oncoming news, add it here!
~ MAYBE YOU NEXT? ~
We did not get a submission this week. But if you have an idea for a short essay, or would like a special space to share your thoughts about IF and the community...
Shoot us an email!
~ HIGHLIGHT ON ~
A couple of games that we thought were cool.
God-Cursed by @wings-of-ink (Twine)
I think this game is fantastic. Plot, ROs, writing, everything. Deserves thousands of reads and compliments!
//recommended by Briar [Team]//
Your favourite game here?
Do you have a favourite game that deserves some highlighting?
An old or recent game that wowed you so much you spam it to everyone?
Tell us about it! And it might appear here!
Hello! I appreciate what you all do. As a living thing with a 9-5 job, I couldn't regularly check updates from existing WIPs, especially the ones I really like. I also tend to be the last person to know new IFs with lots of potential. So, I'm glad that with your zine, I get weekly updates from everyone in one place. Thank you, thank you so much!
- a very mysterious anon
WE LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU ALL! WHETHER IT'S GOOD OR BAD, OR EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN...
Have something to say? Send us a message titled: Zine Letter!
As we end this issue, we would like to thank:
our awesome mysterious anon!
For a very encouraging message!
As always, huge thanks to all you readers who liked, shared, and commented on the last issue!
What might be tiny actions are huge support and motivators to us!
Thank you for cheering us on this journey!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
We actually have a separate Zine for all our individual Interviews!
Last Issue’s Interview with Leia Talon will be added this upcoming week.
And see you again next week!
AJ, DION, BRIAR, JEN AND PETER
WHAT'S NEW IN IF? 2024-ISSUE 30
#What's New in IF#NEW ISSUE IS OUT!!#interactive fiction#if news#visual novel#parser#choice of games#choicescript#twine#ink#twine games#ink games#itch.io#interactive game#interactive novel#IF#games#hobby#indie dev#choose your own adventure#if-whats-new#zine
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