#wr sasha

[mor-beck-more-problems]

A Promise and a Warning || Morgan & Sasha

TIMING: Current

PARTIES: @sasha-r-blog & @mor-beck-more-problems, feat. Dr. Carey

SUMMARY: Morgan meets her student for office hours, when they are interrupted by a colleague Morgan wronged in the past. And promise or not, he’s holding a grudge.

CONTAINS: references to past drug manipulation (leanan sidhe kiss)

For all her nervousness and self doubt about trying new things, Sasha’s choice to take Professor Beck’s had gone surprisingly well. Sure, she was struggling a bit with keeping up, but it helped that the class was actually fun. She had worried she would feel out of place in an English class when almost all of her classes were nothing but computers, math, and science. But the professor had been right about stories being engaging, even if Sasha didn’t know all the fancy English major words yet to talk about it.

But maybe it was a step in the right direction that Sasha had actually taken the initiative and asked Professor Beck if they could go over ideas for the classes next paper. Usually she just dealt with issues herself, or only sought out stuff when her advisor forced her to. Maybe it was a bit silly, but she felt a little proud of herself for it as she made her way to the English building lounge without feeling like she was going to get sick from anxiety.

When she entered there were a few others there already, but for the most part the space was empty. Still, Sasha couldn’t completely rid herself of the creeping sense of social anxiety as she entered the room and a few people turned their heads. She quickly sat down at one of the tables, placed her backpack in her lap, and rummaged through it for her class binder as she waited for the Professor.

Morgan couldn’t have felt more pleased with herself at recruiting Sasha to join her course. She found herself pretending that she hadn’t noticed some assignments come in late, but Sasha participated in class, and she had been proactive enough to ask for a meeting on her next paper. She walked briskly down to the lounge, happy to be free of her cramped shared office and get a glimpse of natural light while she helped her student out. She waved at the girl as she came over, taking care not to disturb any of the disassociating grad students from their reverie as she greeted her. “Hey! I’m, first of all, really glad you reached out. Second, I’m really excited to hear about your paper ideas. But, third, actually, why don’t you just tell me how you’re doing? I know you were kind of nervous the last time we really talked.”

“I’ve been doing okay,” Sasha smiled as the professor sat across from her. “I guess I’m settling a little more into school.” At the very least she didn’t feel like she wanted to jump out of her own skin when called on in class, or get all clammy walking through the commons when there were a lot of people there. Maybe superhero worries had left less room in her brain to worry about her daily life.

“Just trying to keep on top of things. That’s why I wanted to talk.” Well, maybe there was still some room in Sasha’s brain for school worries. The problem with being in a class with a professor she actually liked was now she didn’t want to let Professor Beck down. She shuffled through her notes in her binder, trying to find the ones on her paper topic.

“I know you mentioned we could have our paper use movie comparisons if we want but would an animated movie okay? I kinda want to compare coming of age themes with stuff in Into the Spider-verse.” Sasha didn’t see the movie as childish but she couldn’t help worrying that it came off that way to do her paper on it.

Mogan beamed at Sasha and took a peek at her notes. “I think that’s an amazing idea! There’s so many angles you can take with a piece like that. Coming of age is such a multi-faceted process. There’s struggles to conform to some preconceived ideal, coming to terms with your own power and agency? If you wanted to get really fancy, you could go back and look over the essay we read about reparative projects and think about how these ideas about coming of age speak to us right now. But, you know, it’ll definitely be an exciting project either way, Sasha. Were there any scenes you were really looking forward to exploring? That might help you find your focus.”

Before Sasha could respond, a familiar man stopped in the entryway of the lounge. Morgan went rigid, but said nothing. She hadn’t seen Doctor Ellis Carey since she and Lydia had crashed into his office. She’d made an effort to avoid his vicinity since that visit. No matter how low her opinion of him was, she hated looking at him, knowing what he’d suffered for her angst, for nothing. As Ellis lingered, trembling against his promise to act like nothing had happened between them, Morgan wondered how often he’d tried to pass near her.

Slowly, sweat rolling down his reddening face, he approached their table. He did not walk with his usual smooth, arrogant gait but staggered like a creature in a monster movie. His hands clenched with determination, and all the while his eyes stayed fixed on Morgan with a look of hatred.

“Please don’t do anything to hurt yourself, Doctor Carey,” she said evenly. “No one here wants that, including you, right?”

Ellis Carey tried to open his mouth in response but couldn’t seem to unclamp it despite his best efforts. He grimaced with pain.

The other students in the lounge began to look up from their work, watching the one-man situation unfold with morbid curiosity.

“Don’t...make...me...laugh,” Ellis hissed through clenched teeth.

Morgan winced and lowered her gaze. Sweat was dripping through his gray hair now. “Doctor Carey, I am with a student right now. And I think we’d both feel better if you took a walk outside.”

When Professor Beck grinned Sasha couldn’t help smiling back. She hadn’t thought her idea was that good, but hearing the professor explain all the ways she could go about doing the essay Sasha genuinely felt herself getting excited to write it. She went to open her mouth to explain her ideas for what scenes wanted to focus on, something strange happened.

Professor Beck’s whole demeanor changed. She was suddenly stiff, and Sasha followed her glance to see a man standing near the entrance of the longue. A professor probably, though Sasha had never run into him before. She rarely had reason to interact with many English professors. But as the sudden tension surrounding the woman across from her wasn’t weird enough, there seemed to be something seriously wrong with the man who just walked in. I looked almost like he was holding his breath, his face getting so red Sasha started to get anxious he might be having some sort of medical situation.

The man shuffled over and the cool way Professor Beck spoke to him as he stood there, sweating straight through his shirt and trembling, made the hair on the back of Sasha’s neck stand on end. What was going on? Sasha herself felt her body going tense with the sudden change in the room’s energy.

“S-should I get a nurse from the health center or-or call someone?” Sasha asked as she glanced between Professor Beck and the man. Dr. Carey looked on the verge passing out or something, but the venom in his voice put Sasha more on edge than any of his strange movements or appearance. She found herself unconsciously sinking back into her chair, making herself smaller, feeling as if she just walked into something very serious she was not meant to be privy to, even though she had just been talking with Professor Beck normally a few moments before.

“Dude, someone call the health center,” one of the students said, rising out of his seat. “Hey, do you have any medication you need to be taking, Professor?”

Blood rolled down Ellis Carey’s nose as he shook his head. He shuffled two steps further before crashing into the table they were sitting at. He turned his eyes to Sasha, bracing himself on his arms. “D-d-d-do…not…” he coughed. “Trust. Her.” He snarled.

“That is enough.” Morgan snapped her fingers at the worried undergrad. “Yes, call the health center. Doctor Carey is clearly experiencing some kind of...delirious...fever...thing!” Hastily, she shouldered her bag and stood up from her seat, so fast her chair wobbled. “Sasha, I’m sorry for this. Please email me with your questions or make another appointment o-or…”

“So you can hurt her too?” His words were slurred together, mostly nonsense vowels slipping over each other.

“No!” Morgan snapped, harshly enough to startle some of the students around them. “My conduct with my students is exemplary, thank you,” she murmured. “Sasha, I am sorry, but I think we should do this later.”

Don’t trust her. Sasha was so thrown off that it took her a moment to realize what Dr. Carey was saying. Don’t trust Professor Beck?

She fumbled with her phone, glancing around to see that at least two other students had their phone out, hopefully to call someone to help the man who was now bleeding as well as shaking and turning red. Sasha tried to remember the number for the campus health center and debated if a 911 call might be better at this point. But the Doctor’s words made her freeze up even more. Hurt her? Was he implying Professor Beck would hurt her?

Professor Beck’s response only put Sasha more on edge. “W-what are you talking about?” She wasn’t sure who she was asking at that moment. Her phone was forgotten in her hand as she looked between the two professor’s, Sasha’s other hand clenching and unclenching on her lap, claws itching to come out in defense even though there wasn’t even a fight. But the tension in the room felt like one could break out at any moment. Beyond the  painful medical situation Dr. Carey seemed to be having, there was a horrible anger in his eyes. Sasha wondered if he would have started throwing punches if he wasn’t currently so sick.

“What are you talking about?” She repeated. But even as she asked Sasha started rising to her feet at the request to leave.

Morgan hurried out of the lounge. “Nothing! I mean—I don’t know, but this is—” Her voice croaked from lack of air and she gestured nonsensically, too frazzled to know how to illustrate her point, too frazzled to be sure what her point even was. She drew in a deep breath, and exhaled. In, out. In, hold, out.

“I’m sorry,” she said at last. “I was caught off guard.” Most days she forgot Doctor Carey existed. He had a different specialty and he thought very little of her adjunct position, even when he wasn’t promise-bound to act like she hadn’t barged into his office and traumatized him. Most days, she wasn’t reminded by the sight of his hateful, tortured face. “Those are some very serious accusations to be throwing out wildly to someone you barely know.” Another measured breath. “I--I’m sorry that this happened. And whatever he meant by that, I want you to know that I would never do anything to intentionally hurt or endanger you or any of my other students.” Her good intentions hadn’t helped Blanche at all. Or Maxine. Morgan stiffened, grimacing. “I’m sorry, I think I have to finish this with you some other time, I hope you understand.” She couldn’t bring herself to look Sasha directly in the eyes and so fled down the hall without giving her another look.

As Sasha followed she was surprised by how frantic Professor Beck seemed. It put her on edge even more, seeing a teacher she had begun to look up to seems so deeply freaked out. Dr. Carey probably freaked everyone out in that room, but the way Professor Beck was shaken up felt different.

Serious Accusations. Professor Beck’s words echoed in her head. Outside of the lounge there was a moment to process Dr. Carey’s words without the look of his contorted, sweating face or the fear he might either pass out or lunge at any moment. And as Professor Beck rambled out an apology it didn’t put Sasha anymore at ease. If anything Professor Beck’s pointed denials made Sasha even more unsure of what to make of the situation. What to make of her.

All she had time to do was nod and watch the professor leave. She hadn’t realized how much her hands were shaking until after she watched her disappear down the hall. It was a mix of curiosity and genuine concern that made Sasha tentatively step back towards the lounge. She may not be the Claw right now but she couldn’t run away from someone possibly being hurt.

[mor-beck-more-problems]

Intro to Balancing Your Life || Morgan & Sasha

TIMING: Current

PARTIES: @sasha-r-blog & @mor-beck-more-problems

SUMMARY: Sasha drops in on a new class on campus; Morgan is only too happy to offer encouragements.

“…And who is it that determines the definition of humanity? What kind of definitions do we see offered by Victor, or Henry Cleveral, or the Creature?” Morgan asked the class. The students, while not thrilled with some of Mary Shelley’s ‘big words’ had enough preparation to offer semi thoughtful ideas. Obviously, Victor thought he could define what human means. One of her try-hard students, eager to please every adult in sight, posited that while Victor’s definition of humanity is the one that dominates the narrative, the intrusion of the creature’s perspective halfway through the book is meant to compel the reader into questioning its validity. “Yes!” Morgan tossed the kid a candy from her bowl. “The midpoint crisis here upends our expectations through thought, rather than action. It is, structurally, the center, the heart of the story, changing what we believe to be true. But, are we convinced by the Creature’s definition of his humanity? Why or why no–”

Morgan’s timer, the theme song of The X-Files, went off.

“Shit. Alright, that’s time everybody! Do your homework, do your reading, and get ready for Fan-Fiction Friday! And you–” She pointed to the newcomer sandwiched at the corner of the seminar table. “Come see me for a minute. The rest of you: glad you love each other, but please get out.” As the room cleared out she began to gather up her things. “I’ll level with you, I haven’t checked my roster, so I’m not sure if you’re a late add or just checking things out. But either way, I might be able to answer any questions you have better one-on-one instead of just looking at you across the room.”

Sasha watched the other students mingle and leave, a second of nervousness keeping her in her seat before the professor called out to her. It was hard to parse the tone in Professor Beck’s voice when Sasha’s immediate assumption at a teacher saying to “see me” was that she had fuck up somehow. But either way, Sasha walked towards the desk, dodging any curious looks from her exiting classmates.

“Um, hi. Sorry I didn’t mean to cause any trouble by sitting in.” She shifted the straps of her backpack, tugging them against her shoulders, as if the weight would somehow shield her from the awkwardness. “I’m Sasha Rodriguez. You gave me your office hours awhile ago. I uh, didn’t get a chance to visit but I saw your name on the winter session course list  and thought I’d check it out. I’m trying to branch out I guess.”

It took Morgan a few minutes to place the girl. She didn’t give out her school contact information to everyone, but it happened often enough that she had more than one name floating around her head. But the more she looked at her, the nervousness, the eagerness, the closer Morgan got to a hunch. “Oh, you’re the girl trying to figure everything out in college. I’m glad you decided to come by. If you’ve got some spare time, we can go somewhere and talk? I’d love to have you join in the spring, if you like what you’ve seen so far.” She dumped her books and laptop into her bag, and shouldered the load, handling the bulk with ease thanks to her strength. “Come on. Why don’t you start by telling me what you’re branching out from and what you thought about class today.”

“Oh, yeah, okay.” Sasha said as she moved to follow the professor. She still wasn’t used to how casual some professors could be. In high school they made it sound like professors were all strict, no nonsense, and unforgiving. And Sasha had certainly had professors like that during her first semester. But here was a professor throwing candy to students and cursing in class and talking about fan fiction. It was cool, but weird to process.

“I’m in computer science and I’ve only really taken courses in that department and math stuff. Oh, and also English 101, for the gen ed.” Those classes had been a lot different from what Sasha had just sat in on. Even the one English class she took didn’t really match up, that one having been run by an exhausted looking graduate teaching assistant who didn’t seem all that interested in teaching.

“The class was cool, though I feel like a lot of the stuff you were saying went over my head.” Sasha had a moment of internal panic, worried that came off as implying Professor Beck was bad at teaching. “I’ve just never been good at looking into books, but the class was interesting. I was surprised you mentioned fanfiction at the end. I didn’t think most professors even knew what that was.” Oh no, did that sound rude too? Sasha closed her mouth before she could say something dumb. Besides her advisor, if you could even count their meetings as conversation, and Ben, Sasha hadn’t really spoken one on one with a professor before. It still felt a bit surreal.

“Oh, that’s just because you’re coming in at the tail end of the course. I don’t throw my students into the deep end before I’m certain they can at least, you know, doggie paddle.” Morgan smiled good naturedly and lead them up to the main sitting area in the English building, setting her bag down carefully and making herself comfortable. “I can tell you that looking into books isn’t so different from the way you look into the stories in other media. Movies, TV, video games, comic books--our relationship to the stories we engage with say so much about what we envision for ourselves and the world. The more we understand and invest that relationship, the more empowered we feel to take control of our fate.” Morgan stopped herself from saying anything more and laughed, low and self deprecating. “Oh, jeez, don’t tell the other professors I said that. But, anyways, yes, the aforementioned reasons are what fan-fiction and other forms of counter-storytelling are so important. But more important than that is doing something that’s going to challenge you in positive, enjoyable ways. And making time for a little fun.” Morgan held her fingers up, like this much. “Can I ask how the rest of college is going for you, Sasha?”

Sasha followed her and sat in the unfamiliar sitting room. She gave a small smile as Professor Beck talked about stories and how people related to them, finding that she had been nodding along without realizing. She stopped once she did, somehow worried that it came off as over eager, as if a professor would ever get mad at someone being interested in what they were saying. If only the professor knew how close that hit to home for her. All those stories of kids getting superpowers, it was real. As if it had jumped straight off the page. As if Sasha had willed it into being. In the back of her mind Sasha wondered how she would have reacted to suddenly growing calls if she hadn’t grown up on comics and superhero movies. It felt like the blueprint to everything now.

Lost in her own thoughts she was a bit startled when the professor’s tone shifted. “No, no I agree, I think. I think all that stuff is important. Storytelling. I mean, I’m not much of a reader but comics and games and movies have been really important to me.” She wished there was a major in that stuff. Or crime fighting. She’d be on the dean’s list if her nightly patrols counted for credits.

“It’s been going okay. I mean, I don’t really do much outside of classes. I’ve been trying to do more but I mostly keep to myself.” It was the same thing she had told her advisor and Professor Campbell, but more and more Sasha felt silly for saying it. It wasn’t like she did nothing, just nothing related to college life. But it wasn’t like she could tell her professors she was protecting White Crest. Or at least trying to.

Morgan noticed Sasha’s interest and perked up at once. “You know, we do cover films in my class,” she said, grinning slyly. “And books. But still. It’s the same kind of thought process as with books, so it might as well be given its time and place. There’s plenty of other courses like that in this department, even a film and media studies minor. You should do what makes you happy, because undergrad coursework doesn’t matter half as much as you think it does. It’s all internships and jobs and connections and recommendations that help you get anywhere. And this place, college, has a lot of flaws and problems, but one of the best ways to make it worth it is leave knowing as much as you can about the things that matter to you most.” But that was about all the pitching she was willing to do on behalf of her class. Besides, being a student at UMWC came second to being a kid in White Crest. Morgan couldn’t help but look at the girl and wonder what this place would do to her. Morgan pushed the thought away, she couldn’t let herself focus on a big, bad future like it was some kind of unstoppable force.

“This might sound silly, coming from a professor who just tried to recruit you to their class, but I hope you do find other things besides school studies. There’s a much bigger world out there, and you should have something else in your life. At least friends and playing video games or going to Al’s at one in the morning or whatever kids your age do now. Life is for doing stuff, you know? Whatever it is you’re thinking about doing or joining, you should go for it!”

“I never really thought about taking a minor. I didn’t know they had one about film.” Honestly, more and more Sasha felt like she hadn’t planned much of anything when it came to school. Or life in general. But she supposed she could change that. If anything this talk had made her actually interested in looking into classes, something she had mostly breezed through doing in the past, simply checking off the boxes of what she needed for her degree. But if the professor was right and it didn’t matter that much... “Maybe I’ll try looking into classes for film and english and stuff like that. They seem fun. At least the stuff you were talking about seems fun.”

Maybe it would make school more interesting, instead of something Sasha went through the motions of to get to her real job. “Real job,” as being a superhero paid. As if she wouldn’t one day need a day job. College was a convenient way to pass the time and something she was told she had to do, but it would be nice to actually care about it, to feel like she was actually doing something.

“I do have hobbies...” Just none she could tell Professor Beck about. “But yeah, I should probably try to do more. I wanted to check out the library. I was supposed to help out with the comic collection there as a volunteer thing. So that’s a start I guess.” It had almost slipped her mind, but that was something she had been genuinely excited for. It was just hard to remember stuff like that during the day when she was normally up all night. Her nightly patrols had turned her days sluggish and uneventful, filled with quick naps between class and maybe some video games alone in her dorm before she put on her costume and went out again. And she loved doing it, of course she loved going out at night to keep White Crest safe. But at the same time...

“Do you ever just get really focused on one thing?” Sasha asked the question before she was thought about it, but decided to keep going, even if it was dumb. “Like, you have something you like or is important and you just focus on that and everything else just kinda blurs into the background?”  Sasha rubbed nervously at the back of her neck. “I don’t know if that makes sense. I guess sometimes I feel like that. But I don’t know if I want to change it.”

“The library is a great start!” Morgan said. “You’re going to learn so much, and probably find people who have similar interests to you when they come to check out materials. But I hope you do other stuff, not for credit, just for you. You’re only going to be young once--” Hopefully.

She couldn’t help but smile at Sasha’s notion, that hyper-focus was something rare or embarrassing. “Oh, all the time. I have some art projects that I do on the side, and I can get so lost in my carving that hours can pass by so easily. Same with baking, or cooking something really involved. It’s almost like you’re connecting to something else, outside of or beyond you. There’s you, the thing you’re doing, and this energy it gives you, right?” Morgan watched the girl’s expression to see if she was getting it right. “Even if it’s just kind of like that, I don’t think you should change it. Whatever that thing is, it sounds to me like the universe is giving you the green light to keep going.”

Sasha nodded, giving a small smile. She was happy that Professor Beck seemed to get it and not think it was weird. Sure, Sasha's focus wasn’t on crafts or cooking, but it was the thought that counted. Her mind lingered on what she said about being given a green light. Really, what was a bigger green light than getting her powers? But she knew there was more to it than that. There had to be a reason it was her. She had to be able to do something with her powers, something to really help people. It was comforting to have the professor say she was right, that the universe wanted her to do what she was already doing, but there was a pang of melancholy knowing Sasha couldn’t tell her, or anyone, the truth. How much did advice and validation matter when the person saying it didn’t know the full truth?

She shook the thought from her head. “Thanks. Sorry, I didn’t mean to ask you a bunch of weird questions when I came to sit in. I think it would be cool to try out one of your classes though if you still have room for students.” Sasha chased away the worry of struggling in a class she wasn’t used to. If worst came to worst she could always drop that class. At least it would be something new, something she might actually end up liking.

Beaming and unawares, Morgan took out a post-it from her bag and scribbled out the class information before handing it to Sasha. “Don’t be embarrassed about questions,” she said. “Questions are how we learn. You’re never going to find anything interesting if you always leave well enough alone.” She stood up, getting the vibe that Sasha had opened up all she felt like so far. “I hope to see a lot more of you this coming semester,” she said. “Hoping even more that you do something just for you, but.” She put a finger to her lips. That’ll just be our secret.

“Thanks. I’ll try to keep asking them.” Well that was one social interaction that didn’t go horribly. Wasn’t great that Sasha considered that a victory for herself but she was going to take the feeling of accomplishment anyways. “And I’ll try to do stuff for myself too.” That was going to take more work than just registering for a class, but maybe it wouldn’t be the worst. She couldn’t promise herself she would put in the effort though. Tucking the post-it note into her backpack she smiled and said goodbye to Professor Beck. Maybe a few new classes would be enough to make her college life, and her daily life, seem a bit more exciting and a bit less like time to just get through. But her patrolling White Crest at night was still more important. Professor Beck didn’t have to know that part though.