#anyway. someone mentions jay once (1) to me and i lose my mind. love that

[scavengurs]

jay didn’t immediately begin working with mason and the wr defense. it took him some months to come to terms with the end at all, and in those months he stuck to the more passive assignments - helping establish the garden was a Big job, and an accomplishment he’s really proud of. it was because sasha w.illiams (written by @wanlidas, who is jay’s best friend in every iteration of his main canon) that he eventually took up training, then, began assisting with the training. he was named co-captain of the wr guard shortly before the horde attack of april 2014 (during which he lost partial hearing in his left ear.)

[simpforhoon]

just you. (p.js) *ೃ༄

pairing: soft dom! jay × female reader

genre: smut, fluff, soulmate au! kind of angsty it has a happy ending I swear (praise, making out, protected sex, oral (f-receiving)).

summary: in a world where everyone gets the name of their soulmate tattooed on their wrists when they turn 18, finding out your best friend is your soulmate was not how you planned your 18th birthday to go. now, what’s so bad about that you might ask? you see, jay despises the thought of soulmates. but maybe he doesn’t despise them so much when it comes to you.

please note, this work is purely that of fiction. and not meant to represent what the enhypen members are like in real life.

A/N: guys no why am I so soft,, anyway I’ve been wanting to write this for a while now, so I hope you enjoy!! and I'm reposting this now, as this didnt get a lot of notes on my old account cause of all the reporting and stuff!

word count: 3.4k

warnings: mentions of heartbreak, crying, mentions of food.

1 week ago

you bit your nails as you paced up and down your room, a nervous habit you’d picked up in your junior year of high school whilst dealing with the tremendous stress and pressure school put on you. well lucky for you, you had graduated now and your 18th birthday was just around the corner. specifically, exactly a week from now.

your best friend jay sat on your bed staring at you with amusement written all over his face as he quietly observed you, before moving up to stop you and pull your hands away from your face. “you’re going to wear yourself out” he mumbled softly, pulling you to sit next to him and rubbing your shoulder in a comforting manner.

“I know I know, I’m just nervous, what if they’re all the way on the other side of the world? or even worse, what if they’re someone I know??” the panicked expression on your face was seemingly too much for jay to handle as before you knew it, he had almost rolled off your bed, laughing his ass off at you.

you see, your “dearest” best friend jay never believed in soulmates. he himself never actually got a name on his wrist, a sign that his soulmate had not reached the age to get theirs. to say he was ecstatic would be an understatement as he was at a party that very night, hooking up with a random girl before going over to your house the next morning with a massive hangover and a sullen expression.

it hurt you to see him that way, hooking up with random people, praying that he wouldnt run into his soulmate. and it hurt even more when you thought of how his soulmate was probably so excited to meet him even if they didn’t know him yet.

if only you knew where you would be a week later, wishing it was you who never met him.

present day

the time on your phone read 11:57, and jay had shown up to your house at exactly 11:30, punctual as always, giving up his usual saturday night parties to spend the night before your special day with you instead. he held your hand in his, one thumb running up and down the expanse of your knuckles soothingly, the only thing grounding you in the tense moments before what was basically the biggest moment of your life. your eyes never met his once, only flickering from the clock to your wrist every few seconds, almost as if it would appear before time if you stared long enough.

12:00 a.m.

it was almost as if everything stopped in that moment as the words appeared on your skin. the crickets stopped chirping, that one car alarm outsode your house stopped beeping and both you and Jay stopped breathing, even if it was just for a few seconds. one by one, letter by letter, black ink slowly trailed up the soft skin on your clean wrist, marking your skin for the rest of eternity. you watched with bated breath as tbe letters curved their way into your skin, into your soul.

“P-A-R-K” looks like your soulmate would have the same last name as your best friend. “J-O-N-” that was when the realisation of what was about to happen dawned upon you. “no, no, no, no” was all you could think. “this wasn’t supposed to happen”

meeting jay’s eyes for a split second, you could see the shock on his face, the same shock you knew was written all over your face at that very moment. yanking your hand out of his warmer one, you stared at the 2 words displayed on your wrist. “park jongseong” you whispered as a one lone tear ran down your cheek, falling to you chin before disappearing into the soft material of your sweater.

this prompted jay to push up his own sleeve, the words that seem to have appeared on his wrist confirmed what you both already knew by that point. jay park, your best friend since you were 5, your rock, your everything, was your soulmate. if the situation were anything but this, you would have been jumping for joy, ecstatic that your soulmate was the man you’d grown up with your whole life. but unfortunately, that was not the case.

“_______” he whispered, voice hoarse as he held your hand in his again. gripping it tightly this time so you wouldn’t be able to let go this time. not that you wanted to anyway. “jay” you whispered back, attempting to smile at him, despite the tears that were threatening to overflow at any moment. “I-I need time to think” he said, so softly, his eyes full of nothing but remorse. “I understand jay, take your time, don’t rush okay?” you replied, squeezing his hand in reassurance. he wistfully smiled at you one last time as he pushed himself off your bed and walked out of your bedroom, closing the door with a small ‘click’, leaving you alone in the darkness of your room, mind racing and wondering what were you were going to do with this newfound information.

you fell asleep after much tossing and turning, your mind full of nothing but jay and his name that was now tattooed into the inside of your wrist. you were woken up by the bright smile of your parents, you mother holding a plate of pancakes and wishing you a happy birthday. the sight alone was enough to make you burst into tears as you wrapped your arms around her, seeking her familiar scent and comfort after the rough night you had. your parents seemed shocked, but did not press you to open up, wrapping their arms around you as they attempted to comfort you.

your mom was no foolish woman, as she seems to have caught on to what was bothering you on your special day. “its about your soulmate isn’t it?” she asked as she placed a glass of your favourite chocolate smoothie in front of you, wiping her hands on her apron. you looked up at her, disbelief written all over your face as she chuckled at you. “how did you know?” you asked as she smiled slyly at you. “I have my ways, and besides, I’m your mother” she replied with a wink. you groaned, dramatically resting your head on the counter as she laughed and gave in. “I saw jay walk out of your room last night with tears streaming down his face, and considering you woke up crying too, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what went down there”.

“you should talk it out with him sweetie, he’s not just your soulmate, he’s your best friend. despite how he feels about this whole fate thing, I’m sure the both of you will be okay.” her words reassured you as you grabbed your backpack, and walked through your front door. not even 2 minutes later you heard the biggest scream and you were tackled into a hug. giggling, you wrapped your arms around the taller boy as he squeezed you tightly. “happy birthday ______!” he said as he let go of you and continued your walk to school. “thanks sunoo” you said, smiling at the younger boy who had the biggest grin on his face.

“soooooo” he began, looking at you with an expectant expression on his face. you pursed your lips, already predicting the question that was due to escape his mouth any second from now. “jay” you said, cutting him off before he could even open his mouth. “JAY?!?!!?” he said, a little too loudly, mouth agape as he processed the information. you shrugged as he linked his arm with yours, understanding that you didnt want to talk about it.

luckily, no one pressed you about your soulmate for the rest of the day, warded off by sunoo’s glare the moment they looked like they were going to ask. you sat next to jay in all your classes, the atmosphere tense and awkward between the two of you. everyone seemed to have figured our what happened by that alone, your normally boisterous voices muted and soft. you went out after school with sunoo and riki, your mood heightened by the laughs and jokes of the two bickering boys.

when you got home, the house was eerily quiet, your parents nowhere in sight, all the lights turned off save the one in your living room. and there on the sleek grey sofa sat Jay, looking down at his hands as he anxiously played around with the rings he always wore. your footsteps alerted him of your presence, as he shot up off your sofa to greet you with a crooked smile on his face, black hair sticking up in every direction.

you smiled at him, already preparing yourself for the worst, as he walked towards you. “your parents have gone out, they handed me the keys and told me to come and talk to you if I wanted, and-” he cut himself off in the middle of his sentence, taking a deep breath and holding your hand. here goes nothing he thought. “I want to try. this whole soulmate thing I mean. maybe i wouldnt be this way if it was anyone else, but it’s you, my best friend, and I don’t want to lose you.” he mumbled out the last part, but it was still clear enough for you to hear. you couldn’t help the smile that stretched across your face at his words, his own face breaking out into a grin at your expression. you reached up on your tippy toes to wrap your arms around his neck as his hands went around your waist.

he buried his face in your hair, your soft vanilla scent calming his racing heart, and that was when he realised how much you really meant to him. he loved when you would always being him snacks after soccer practice, he loved when you let him lay his head on your lap and you ran your hands through his hair, he loved seeing the expressions you made when you ate his food, he loved you.

“I made something for you” he said, pulling away from your embrace, leading you to your kitchen and making you sit down on the counter. he grabbed a plate of your favourite pasta and a fork before lifting up a mouthful and holding it out to feed it to you. you smiled, wrapping your lips around the fork as the flavours exploded in your mouth. “oh my gosh, this is good, you’ve really outdone yourself.” he smiled at the complement before pressing a kiss to your cheek and muttering a little “happy birthday love”, leaving your face feeling hot and an uncontrollable smile on your face.

the rest of the evening went by in hin feeding you food and taking a few notes of it himself, lots of little cheek kisses, before the two of you settled down on the couch to watch a movie. it seemed like jay had gotten over his awkwardness as he pulled you to sit between his legs the moment the movie started. you looked back at him in shock, wondering when he got so bold before he pressed a kiss to your lips and told you to focus on the screen.

it might not have been the perfect first kiss, but it was with jay and that was enough. he played with your hair throughout the movie, and moved it aside at one point, pressing little kisses along the expanse of your neck. it was when he landed his lips on one particular spot that you let out a little noise, one you never even knew you could make that made him sit up a little straighter.

it was almost as if a switch flipped within him as he tightened his grip around your waist, one hand slipping up your hoodie to caress the skin near your waist. “I didn’t know you could make such pretty noises baby” he whispered in your ear, his hot breath sending shivers down your spine. “well i didn’t know i could either” you whispered back, the realisation of what was about to happen making your body feel like it was on fire.

“are you sure you want this? we don’t have to do anything you dont want to sweetheart” he said, pulling away with a kiss to your cheek. you shifted so that you were facing him, legs wrapped around his waist and you reached your hands up to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. “I’m sure jay, theres no one I’d rather do this with than you.” that was all the affirmation he needed, as within seconds you were being dragged to your bedroom by an overexcited jay.

he pressed you up against your room door, hands coming up to lift your thighs and wrap them around his waist, your core meeting his very obvious bulge. taking advantage of the gasp that left you, he allowed his tongue to skip into your mouth, taking control of every aspect of the kiss. pulling away, he brought you to your bed, gently letting you down onto the mattress, and reaching up to pull your hoodie off you.

“so beautiful” he whispered as he reached behind you to pull your bra off, before lifting his own arms to pull his own shirt off, leaving his body on display for you. just for you. he reached down to tug one of your nipples into his mouth, gently sucking and wrapping his tongue around the sensitive bud, his actions leaving your mouth open in a silent moan.

within minutes, both of you were left completely naked as jay continued to trail his lips down your body, pressing little kisses to your inner thigh before his mouth finally met your core, the smallest motion of his lips leaving you breathless and squirming. “stay still sweetheart, good girls don’t move around so much”. his words sent vibrations spreading throughout your body, not doing anything to help with the heat that was coursing through your veins.

his tongue delved in and out of your dripping hole, one of his hands rubbing your clit while the other held your legs open for him. “jay- i- I’m gonna-” but he was gone the moment the words fell from your mouth. and he was a sight to see. your juices mixed with his, drool and spit dripped down his chin, as he ran his tongue over his lips with a smirk on his face.

“oh so the baby wants to cum? don’t worry love, I’m going to make you feel so good”. he reached into his jacket and pulled out a condom before rolling it on and lining himself I with your entrance. he grasped your chin gently, pulling you up to look at him and planting a loving kiss on your lips. “I love you so much sweetheart, so so much” he whispered, pulling away from your lips. “I love you too jay” you said back, watching as he smiled once, before intertwining your hands and then, pushing himself into you.

nothing had ever felt as good in that moment as he gently, softly pushed himself inside. the feeling was euphoric, having your soulmate inside you in such an intimate manner. your bodies moulding together perfectly, bursts of colour lighting up the back of your eyelids as your eyes closed at the feeling of him in you. he began thrusting in and out of you slowly, not wanting to hurt you. but at your signal, he began moving faster, groans and moans escaping both your lips, finding pleasure and love in each other.

it didn’t take long for you to reach your high at all, his length hitting you in all the right places, leading you to ride out your high much faster than you expected, jay following soon after. he finished inside the condom, reaching out to pull it off and throw it away, before walking to your bathroom and grabbing a wet cloth to clean you up with.

he was greeted with the sight of your tired smile as he returned, gently cleaning you before tossing the rag and gathering you up in his arms, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “does this mean you’re mine now?” he asked, reaching down to bury his head in your hair, his hands absent-mindedly tracing shapes and figures on your bare shoulder. “it does if it means you’re mine too”. he smiled at your response, pulling the blanket over the two of you as you drifted off to sleep in the arms of the one person who would stay with you forever.

thank you for reading!! I hope you enjoyed and I hope you drank enough water today! ♡♡♡

[onechicagorpf]

Not A Stranger - Part 4

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader (Chicago Med intern)

Waking up in bed next to a random naked guy after a drunken night out usually sucks, but eh, whatever. you’ll never see him again, right? Well except this time, random naked guy turns out to be your ED attending’s little brother, so maybe you’re a little bit screwed���

Read Part 1 here Read Part 2 here Read Part 3 here

Warnings: Very mild mentions of sex. Swearing, the usual cuss words.

A/N: The final chapter! Woohoo! Honestly I was having so much trouble with this chapter - I actually ended up writing about 7k words total of 3 completely different plots when I suddenly got this idea yesterday and I decided to go with this one. Anyway, thank you SO MUCH for all of y’all who’ve showed the previous 3 parts so much love! I really appreciate it so much! 

PS: Send me asks/messages/leave a note if you liked this and want to see more - it really makes me feel so much less insecure about my writing ahaha! Also do send me short prompts or requests that I can fill as blurbs (i.e. nothing that’s going to be a several chapter story - I will request those later on!) - preferably for Jay but I can do Will as well! Female!Halstead sibling is also okay :) Enough talking, enjoy!

The music is so loud you can barely hear your own thoughts. Or your own voice.

“HELLOOOOOO! BARMAN!” You yell at the guy making drinks 5 feet away from you. Your body is almost entirely atop the counter as you lean forward, trying to grab his attention. The couple next to you throw you a dirty look, but who cares? You’re 3 shots in, and you’re –

“ – drunk as fuck!” Lucy shouts in your ear, trying to pull you up so you straighten.

“What?” You slip off the counter and land back on your feet, wobbly. Your best friend shakes her head. “You’re drunk as fuck! How is that even possible? You barely had anything!” Lucy looks disappointed.

You laugh – a high-pitched drunken squeal – and lean in.‌ “I haven’t gone out in like, four weeks, y’know! My tolerance is down!”

Lucy throws her hands in the air, almost knocking a drink out of someone else’s hand. They yell at her, but she doesn’t notice or care. “This is why I ask you to come party with me like every week, bitch!”

You waggle your finger in front of her. Or, you try to. You’re tipsy enough that standing straight is a little difficult so you keep swaying, and you’re also fairly confident you’re seeing two of Lucy right now.

“The last time I went out with you, I got plastered and woke up next to – ”

“A total hottie! WOOO!” Lucy exclaims, shaking her fists in excitement.

“Yeah except he was also my boss’s brother, but okay.”

The bartender finally comes to you and Lucy, dropping two shots in front of you exasperatedly. You and Lucy each down one. When you flip the shot glass upside down on the counter, you can almost feel yourself losing what little awareness and sobriety was in you.

The music changes and Lucy’s eyes light up. “This is my song!” She howls, before starting to obnoxiously (and very much off-key) belt out lines. She grabs your hand, trying to lead you to the dance floor. You wave her off, saying you’ll be right behind her in a minute, and she nods before heading off.

Turning back to the counter, you lean against it dependently as you struggle with your clutch. You curse under your breath as your fingers repeatedly slip against the clutch opening, even though you had zero trouble opening it when you were sober two hours ago. Finally, your clutch opens, and you pull your phone out. Immediately, your fingers tap the messaging icon, and press on Jay’s name.

No new messages.

“Ugh,” You groan, dropping your head down in your hands. Your phone beeps randomly, but you ignore it in favour of moping.

It’s been about two weeks since that night. Two weeks since you told Jay he was ‘just some guy you were sleeping with’.

Two weeks of complete radio silence.

“Come on, don’t you want to say something to me?” You bitch out loud, glaring at the back of your phone. “I know I fucked up, I know I said mean shit, but my god, I didn’t fucking mean it – I was just. I was stupid and scared…and now I’m at the Verge again and I’m drunk, I’m soooooo drunk and my friend is – oh, she’s making out with some dude! Fuck, I was gonna ask her to book me an Uber but now I can’t and I don’t even know where my Uber app is on my phoneeeeee - ” You whine – a real full-on, high-pitched drunken whine – as you turn your phone screen around.

Voice message recorded.

Voice message sent.

“Huh?” You frown at your screen, trying to figure out what you just did, when someone knocks into you and you teeter over, almost face planting on the counter. “Fuck!” You curse, straightening and trying to look around for who did that, when a blonde head suddenly appears in view.

“Okay listen this is Alex and he’s a cutie and he wants to take me home but I gotta check if you’re okay?” Lucy informs you with the immediacy of a someone about to miss their last bus to work. You want to beg her to stay, but a) you ditched her last time when you saw Jay and she didn’t hold it against you, b) she was insistent that she had to get laid tonight, and c) Alex was hella cute.

“Get it girl!” You cheer, kissing her on the cheek and she beams. Once she exits, Alex in tow, you look around not sure what to do.

“HEY BARGUY? CAN I HAVE ANOTHER?”

***

It’s 30 minutes later that the bartender finally cuts you off and tells you in no uncertain terms that you have to go somewhere else if you want to keep drinking.

“Rude!” You exclaim into the cold air as you exit the back of the bar into a dark alley. “Fucking – I’m not even that drunk, that asshole. Like I don’t know my own limits?” You bitch to yourself as you wobble down the alley in your stupidly high stilettos. Bright lights suddenly shine at you, and you cover your face with your arms. “Motherfuck – !” You squint, trying to see which moron decided to flood the alley with his headlights.

“Jesus Christ,” You hear, and you almost immediately turn sober. You’d recognise that voice anywhere.

The lights go down, and just as your eyes adjust you see Jay Halstead exit from his GMC Sierra. Dressed in a black v-neck and dark jeans – god, does he own any colour in his wardrobe? – he steps towards you, a tight look on his face that’s otherwise devoid of any emotion.

“Why’re you here?” You ask, trying to hide the fact that your heart is beating so loud and fast you feel like you can hear it in your ears.

Jay stops in front of you, raising an eyebrow. “You called.”

You frown. “No I didn’t.”

Jay pulls out his phone and presses a button. You hear your own voice saying something about being drunk and not being able to order an Uber.

“That’s not – I didn’t – how the fuck…” You just trail off, confusion written all over your face.

“Well, I’m sure you’re not the first person to drunkenly send a voice message asking someone to come pick you up.” Jay supplies, pocketing his phone. There’s a note of judgement in his voice and you don’t appreciate it.

“Hey, I didn’t ask you to come and pick me up! I’m fucking fine!” You announce, before shoving Jay to the side and walking past him.

“You’re swaying like a leaf in the wind, you know?” Jay comments, behind you.

“Fuck you!” You swivel around sharply, pointing an accusatory finger at him, which proves to be a bad decision when you trip sideways and just about slam your shoulder into the alley wall. The only reason you don’t is that Jay lunges forward and grabs your arms, pulling you to him.

There’s a moment of silence.

“I’m not that drunk, it’s just my shoes, I swear.” You mutter into his chest. It’s true – almost. You were a little wasted when you exited the bar, fine, but in the same way that drunk people can get immediately sober once they see, say, a train collision, the sudden shock of seeing Jay seems to have burned through the fog in your mind.

You’re not sure what that says about your feelings for him...

The two of you separate, but Jay’s still holding you at an arm’s distance. As he looks down at you, he frowns. “What…are you wearing?” He asks in a judgemental tone.

You look down at yourself – it’s a short, red figure-hugging dress with side cut-outs. Looking back at him, you respond: “A dress.”

Jay snorts derisively. “Not exactly leaving a lot to the imagination.” He mutters under his breath.

“Hey!” You raise your voice, and take a step towards him to – to punch his arm or something – but once again your heels fail you and you just topple straight into his chest.‌ “Fuck!” You shout, cheeks burning, and you push back from him. Bending over, as gracefully as you possibly can in your tiny dress, you try to get your stupid shoes off. Meanwhile, the sound of Jay’s laughter is in the air and you throw a dirty look at him.

After watching you struggle with the straps of your heels for about a minute, Jay crouches down in front you. “Alright, alright, hold on,” He says. Getting on one knee, he tells you to stand and you do.

Jay’s hands wrap around your right ankle gently, and his fingers move deftly, undoing the multiple straps of the heel. You place your left hand on his shoulder, steadying yourself, and try hard to breathe regular. The feeling of his fingers against your skin is tantalising, and the sight of him crouched down before you is putting racy thoughts in your mind.

Without even thinking about it, you move your hand to hold his face.

Jay looks up at you as you run your thumb over his cheek. He holds his breath as the pad of your thumb gently swipes against his pink lips.

Bending over, you lean downwards and capture Jay’s lips in yours.

The kiss is gentle and sweet for all of three seconds, before you run your tongue over Jay’s lips and he escalates it. Starting from your ankles, his hands run up the back of your legs as he gets up. Once he’s halfway up the back of your thigh, Jay swiftly stands, lifting you effortlessly. You hook your legs around his waist like a good girl and continue the heated, ravaging kiss. Jay holds you against him with just his right arm – and my god, are you ready to come just from that because holy fuck how strong is this guy to be carrying you with one arm! – as his left hand grabs your jaw in that authoritative, bossy way that has your head spinning.

You know you shouldn’t be doing this, you know it’s going to hurt so bad when he leaves, you know the smart thing to do is to put a stop to this - to stop being with the one guy you can’t have; the one that sees you as a hookup and nothing more. But god, the way he makes you feel, the way he kisses you like he’s taking your soul – so hard and deep and yet so passionate – and the way he holds you to him like you’re his…the way he’s got your toes curling, he’s got you not giving a fuck that you’ve got one heel on and the other…somewhere on the ground – fuck, you’re so fucking gone for him.

He walks, steady and confident, and you don’t know where he’s taking you until he drops you against the hood of his truck.

You’re panting heavily, your hair fanned out around your head as you lick your lips, your pulse thundering between your legs. Jay looks down at you with nothing but lust in his eyes, before grabbing the back of your thighs and pulling you toward him roughly so that your ass is right at the edge of the hood, Jay’s hips right between your legs. The movement causes your already short dress to ride up even more, and now it’s bunched up around your hips. The cool air of the nice is cold against your legs, and especially cold against the growing wet patch at the crotch of your panties.

You look up at Jay – your eyes wide with salacious want, a desperate need for him, to touch you, fuck you, come for you –

A cacophony of sounds is suddenly in the air. A group of people are exiting the bar, loud and boisterous.

And just like that, the moment between you and Jay is over. You sit up at lightning speed, getting off the hood of his truck, pulling your dress down just as Jay steps back, swearing under his breath.

The group take their own sweet time to leave the alley, to get out of sight, and you’re so impatient you briefly consider tossing your other shoe at them to get them to move faster.

Eventually, the last of them turns the corner and you let out of a breath of relief. You turn back to Jay, opening your mouth, and he just shakes his head.

“No, no, no.” Jay runs his hands through his hair, looking agitated. He sighs deeply, before looking straight at you with the most apologetic look on his face. “We can’t be doing this, Y/N. I’m sorry, but...I can’t.”

Your entire body goes cold. 

You shake your head, eyes pleading. “Jay, no – I’m not drunk I swear – ”

“It’s not that, Y/N – ”

“Then what is it? What did I do wrong?” You whisper, reaching towards him.

“It’s nothing you did.” Jay smiles ruefully. “It’s something I did.”

You frown. “What did you do?” Jay doesn’t answer, instead just walking past you.

You grab his arm, stopping him. Jay turns, his green eyes slightly wet, mouth open but you cut him off.

“What did you do? Dammit Jay, stop shutting me out!” You exclaim, begging, and the two of you are so close now you can see Jay’s pupils dilate, and a pained expression fixes itself onto his face and it kills you seeing him this upset.

“I caught feelings for you.” Jay whispers, and your heart stops. “You said I was just some guy you were sleeping with…that you didn't feel like that about me and – and I was going to put distance between us, I swear.” Jay sighs, and you just try to keep up with what he’s saying but it’s tough because you feel like your head is underwater, like you can’t breathe. 

Jay doesn’t notice any of this, and he continues. “But then you called tonight and I heard your voice and I don't know what it is about you but I just – I just lose my mind. I was halfway down the block before I even realised I was coming to get you. And that night you came over – you were under me, taking me so well and so hot I didn't even think before – I just went so hard on you because I wanted you so fucking bad – Y/N I want you so fucking bad, all the fucking time – ” Jay’s shaking his head, his voice is cracking, there’s tears in his eyes and you – you just – 

“I'm going to fucking kill you.” You announce, and Jay closes his eyes.

“Y/N – ”

“Jay, I'm in love with you.” You admit, your voice clear as can be, and Jay’s eyes open, stunned. “I thought you thought I was just some hookup – ”

A deep frown embeds itself between Jay’s eyebrows, “Why the fuck would you think – ”

You raise your voice, slightly affronted. “I asked you about the Army! And you didn't open up to me and I thought – ”

“Oh my god – ” Jay drops his head in his hands.

“How was I supposed to know you felt the same way – ”

“I didn't tell you about that shit because I hate it! Y/N, nothing good came out of my time over there and I saw that look on your face when you found my scar and you looked horrified – ”

“Of course I was horrified – someone stabbed you!” You exclaim, your voice high, your breathing erratic. Jay looks at you, and he’s also breathing heavy...but slowly, his face just splits into a smile. You smile too.

Both of you lean in, pressing your lips together. Jay’s arms wrap around you, tight, and your hands cradle his face as the two of you sink into one another in an intimate, tender moment. Your heart feels like it’s weightless – all the happiness in the world resides within you, for a moment, and the feeling of Jay around you – your Jay – brings tears to your eyes.

When you separate, you barely move – your faces are still so close, Jay looking down at you with all the fondness in the world, and you looking back up at him, teary-eyed.

“I need to get my shoe.” You whisper, the first one to break the silence. Jay laughs, throwing his head back. You laugh with him, a giant grin on your face, as he gently rests you atop the hood of his truck again before running to retrieve your lonesome heel.

He tosses it to you and you grab it. “Do you want a kiss for that?” You ask him, smiling sweetly.

“Oh, one hundred percent.” Jay grins back, and you throw your arms around his neck. “One more thing – ” Jay interrupts you just as you pull close, and you raise your eyebrows.

“Yes?”

Jay scrunches up his face. “Someone needs to tell Will.

You roll your eyes. “You’re scared of that?”

“Hey, he’s not your big brother. I’ll bet my entire savings account he’s going to give the shovel talk to me, his own blood.” Jay counters, and you laugh. “Well, he’s a gentleman like that,” You say, slipping your hands into Jay’s pocket to pull out his phone.

Jay gazes at you with amusement in his eyes as you type a few sentences – out of his sight – and send it to Will.

“Done!” You announce cheerily.

Jay raises an eyebrow. “Are you sure – ” He’s cut off by his phone buzzing in your hand. It buzzes again. It then buzzes a third time, before it starts ringing.

“Three messages and a phone call, in 30 seconds. That’s never good news.” Jay notes, a strained expression on his face. “What exactly did you tell him?”

You shrug, pretending to be innocent. “Well, I definitely didn’t say anything along the lines of ‘Hey I’ve been bedding your intern for the last few weeks behind your back, and yes we definitely had sex the night you came over for hockey. Anyway, we’re a thing now. Bye!’.”

Jay drops his head. “Oh my fucking god – ” His phone goes off again, and Jay just curses, shutting it off. “Y/N – he’s going to kill me.” He says, eyes wide with incredulity. You just giggle, pulling him close to kiss him again. You heart soars as you feel Jay smile through the kiss. ***

Tag List: @elliee1497​ @scorpiomindfuck​ @lookatallthefeels

[whumpbby]

What if for Omega Gotham University AU Dick’s never met Jason face-to-face and is rejecting solely based on the fact that he’s flattered by the idea but he’s happily in a relationship. Is this a capes universe? Anyway maybe down the line he and Kori break up and when Jason’s over for dinner with Dami he finally meets the omega for the first time in person! Dami’s like you had your chance Richard! So begins the secret war for Jason’s hand. Jason just wants to graduate top of his class.

Now I'm thinking about what if in the University AU Jay starts to hang around the manor more and more since Damian is very adamant they start building up their bond NOW to make it stronger in the future and then, someday, Dixk and Koro break it off shortly before the wedding and Dick is heartbroken and starts spending more time at the manor again as well to take comfort from his pack and in the beginninf, he really isn't interested in Jay. (1/?)

His girlfriend just dumoed him and he is hesrtbroken. But as time passes (months? Years?), he starts seeing the world and other possibilities with open eyes again and suddenly he can see all the appeal Damian made sure to tell him off when he first introduced Jay. Damian, fully into puberty by now, is everything but thrilled, and Dick has the greates conflict bc on one hand that's his baby brother and hw's in love, not to mention all the social norms he would break by persuing Jay now (2/?)

that Dami's picked him, but Jay's just to cute and Dami was right,he would be a perfect mate. Dami more than agrees with that and gets a little territorial with Jay to 'strengthen his claim'. All the while Jay is just over there like.... what? (3/3)

_________XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX________

I don’t know if you’re the same Anon, anon, but I put these two together, because  this speaks to me. 

BUT

What IF – listen to me, what if the situation gets kind of ridiculous, because we’ll start with Jason at 17 and  Damian at 12, and Dick is 19-20, and he DOES marry Kori, and they’re happy, but… well, Kori isn’t an omega, she’s an alien and she loves Dick, but she knows there’s something he’s missing – that his pack is missing, so she starts to nudge him towards maybe listening to his baby brother and that omega he’s talking about – that would unify the family if they had an omega, yes? She’s not opposed to expanding her little family unit either;]

So Dick starts to pay attention and, damn, by the time Jay is 19 he grew and filled out, and he has this incredible nerdish charm, but he’s also training boxing in the meanwhile (therapist advised him to pick up sport and he picked up defensive one;]) so he’s also a bit stacked and growing taller with every month and Dick – who has a wife almost 6 inches taller than him – is already interested>>

Pity that Damian is so defensive all of a sudden, claiming the omega for himself only and Dick is like, Damin, he hasn’t agreed to anything yet, this is not middle ages you can’t claim someone who isn’t willing. But Damian is like, no, he will be mine, I just have to keep him available until I’m of age and able to properly court him! And he was doing well at it in the last couple years – at the Academy it’s known that if an alpha makes a move towards Todd, he will have a Wayne heir on their back so everyone stays away – and Jason, who never had a good track record with alphas or people in general, is kinda grateful for the overprotective (or so he thinks) baby alpha hanging around, because people leave him alone…

And in time Jason gets used to the kid and the fact that sometimes his butler/chauffeur will drive them somewhere to have ice cream, and while they’re at it help Jay with his English homework a bit (Alfred, as it happens, tends to agree with Damian, the pack would surely gain with such an omega and the boy deserves a better life than he’s got so far, so he’s willing to play into Damian’s little scheme) and every once in a while he’ll be invited to the Manor for Holidays

“It’s in poor taste to leave a friend of Master Damian to spend the Christmas alone, young sir. I will hear no excuses, there’s a place at the table set for you.”

Jason assume sit’s because Damian has so few friends that the family tries to keep the ones he does have happy – and he’s not entirely wrong;] – so he comes over and Alfred takes care of him. Bruce is also there, inviting and very smooth, and Jason is impressed and so, so does not believe that this is his life now. Then he meets the ever elusive Dick Grayson and is like, wow:O

So, while Dami and Dick hash it out between them for the right to have an omega, disaster strikes and the Drakes are killed and Bruce decides to take their son into his pack – the rich of Gotham will tear the kid apart – and it’s all noble and shit, but… Tim is an omega. And that changes things. Damian is like, oh no, how am I supposed to deal with two omegas in my pack?? Because he’s convinced that he’ll be the head after Bruce and will gear nothing else;]

And Timmy causes the pack dynamic to change around him – and Jason, who started to slowly cotton on to the fact that the Waynes may be trying to court him (only took him 3 years=_=) is struck with the thought that oh, now they won’t need him anymore. Thing about omegas entering new packs is that they undergo a settling period where they hash out the prime position in subtle ways – and Jason was on the way to settling into that position slowly, but Tim has now more claim as a legit adoptee, so they both feel unsure and wrong-footed, and the alphas around them are not helping (alphas don’t understand that process) and Jason decides – as the older one – to step away and lick his wounds alone, like he usually does, because Jason Todd can’t have nice things.

Except Tim won’t have that, because Tim is a baby (17) and doesn’t know what to do as an omega with a pack that acknowledges him Waynes are intimidating and scary and he wants to be good, but he was raised traditionally, where the omega has to be seen, but not heard, and he just… he doesn’t know… he just lost his patents, he can’t be an omega of a pack, he needs help, he always looked at Jason and admired him and he never wanted to unseat himTAT

Alfred sets out to fix this, but, surprisingly, it’s Bruce that goes to Jason and takes him out to a nice dinner and hashes out the situation – the truth of Damian’s odd behavior, he way their pack would very much like Jason to join them, because they’re all a little bit broken and Jason is an omega that just fits, and that, if Damian and Dick are a bit too much, then Bruce is perfectly willing to Mark Jay and make him a part of the pack. Not because they expect him to birth them pups until Tim comes of age, but because they like him.

And Jason is like, oh. He never, he never even considered having pups, he never though he’d have the security to have his own kids, never trusted into alphas giving him a choice in the matter, so he stayed away from them, but now it’s… well, it’s a nice thought, isn’t it? An idea of pups that will be cared for by a pack even when he decides to go back to school or work, that will be provided for and loved… that never even occurred to him. Even if he was the second of the pack, because Tim has better breeding, that would be more than he’d ever have otherwise…it’s tempting. He doesn’t know if he’d have kids, but the option being available is a novelty… And no one in the Wayne pack is hard on the eyes, to be honest…

…and in his deepest fantasies, in his heart of hearts, he used to dream of this, of being rescued from his crappy life by a handsome, wealthy alpha, of becoming someone’s mate – and life cured him from believing these fantasies, he set out to save himself and managed to do it, but… it’s still there, in the back of his head the little voice is weeping with joy, because this is one stupid wish he had as a kid coming true if he lets it.

And Bruce wasn’t raised in a barn, he’s aware this is a monumental decision, so he leaves Jason to think it through and makes it clear that when Jay makes his decision they will start the courting process – a proper one this time, to give him time to get used to the idea and change his mind if necessary. They won’t jump into it, he will have to accept everyone in the pack – and there’s more kids Bruce has that Jason met so far – and he doesn’t want to tear Jay away from studies, either, since it’s so important to him. Bruce is being perfectly transparent about it, like, I am perfectly ready to get the professors to home school you for the rest of the degree so we can focus on courting, but I know it’s important for you to make it through and show them that an omega can handle university just as well, and I respect that, courting will have to take a backseat. Even though every instinct in his head argues that if they don’t secure that sterling omega now they may lose him:O

He starts to understand Damian a bit>>

headcanon,

[words-writ-in-starlight]

thank you so much omg Name of the Wind is SO FRUSTRATING, I tried reading it and just did NOT like the protagonist or the writing style or ANYTHING, and people KEEP RECOMMENDING IT TO ME

mhmhmhMHMHM you have come to the RIGHT PLACE

Okay, so first, a disclaimer: I read Name of the Wind four and a bit years ago and, despite my usually excellent memory for plots and characters, retained exactly jack and shit of the whole thing except for the arguments I wrote in my head about my frustration.  But like...I’ve been holding onto those for a long time, so just.  Sit tight and listen to me complain for a minute, I deserve this.

First and foremost, it’s pitched as this revolutionary take on...something, and if my life and the lives of everyone I love depended on it, I couldn’t tell you what it’s supposed to revolutionize.  It’s not even a particularly well-executed piece on Magic Has A Price, which is what I usually hear about (what with the very academic, scientific take on magic), the fucking early Dresden Files are better at that.  (Shit y’all, remember Toby Daye, the series I haven’t shut up about?  Magic Has A Price masterpiece right there.)  I mean, goddamn, @Patrick Rothfuss, I’m really sorry, but you’re never going to do Magic Is A Science better than Fullmetal Alchemist, which basically invented equivalent exchange, so just put that one to bed.  For actual revolutionary takes on various genres, I’d suggest Imperial Radch (scifi), The Wrath and the Dawn (fairy tale retelling), Stormdancer (steampunk/fantasy), Sunshine (paranormal urban), and Kencyrath Chronicles (epic fantasy).

Second, the main character is not likable.  There.  I said it.  I found Kvothe absolutely fucking insufferable in every way.  His “modern” self telling the story was, like, a little more tolerable, but for the majority of the novel he’s an arrogant twit too convinced of his own cleverness to drag his head out of his ass for long enough to actually get anything done.  It’s possible to do a very self-confident, clever character in a way that their arrogance is actually charming--King Arthur: Legend of the Sword comes to mind.  Shit, son, so does Roy Mustang, and half the other characters in FMA.  In books, I’d rec maybe Captive Prince (Laurent).  It’s important, if you’re doing that, to make sure that the character can actually put their money where their mouth is and do the thing they’re bragging about, or else make it a Learning Experience that sticks with them.  Kvothe ain’t that.  Kvothe is just completely baselessly sure that he’s going to be the best from the very beginning, despite evidence to the contrary, and I found it intolerably annoying.

Third, the universe is interesting, the magic is kind of a neat concept for all that it’s (from what I can tell) an Eragon bootleg, which is, of course, the child of LOTR and Star Wars almost exactly. But the writing style was like a fucking textbook.  I mean.  Goddamn.  Not exactly sweeping me away into the infinite Imagisphere with that.  And I’m not--my standards for evocative prose are not that high, the Animorphs books were written for thirteen-year-olds, but fuck me NotW was not remotely achieving it.  If you’re going to frontload that kind of technical jargon, you need to make it the point of the book, like The Martian, which is very up front about being a science ramble that enjoys what it’s doing, or else find a good balance like Sabriel, which is heavy on the technical angle of Abhorsen magic and glyphs and shit without sacrificing the characters.

Fourth, I dimly recall a girl who’s there for like a hot minute as a love interest?  I don’t think I remember any others?  So, you know...points off for that one.  It’s the 21st century.  Women, POC, the homosexual agenda, they should all be in there.  Thanks.

Fifth, the whole urban setup gets a lot of time and attention, but it’s just not...well done?  It’s just not.  It does not give a cohesive sense of place, nor an emotional connection to the people in that place.  Please, for the love of God, Jesus, and any other deities you want to throw in there, read the first book in the Kencyrath series, it is called God Stalk and it’s very good at this.  I’d also say Toby Daye, but that’s about a real place (San Francisco) rather than a fantasy setting, like NotW and God Stalk.

Sixth, and this is a writerly complaint, not an opinion, but: right, so, in the “modern” day when Kvothe is telling the story, some grand disaster is underway, right?  Am I making that up?  See, I’d never know if I was making it up, because it does not get a single goddamn mention in the main bulk of the novel.  That is a clear and evident sign that you need to critically reevaluate what part of the timeline is the main novel.  I’m not saying that your novel necessarily needs to be the worst day/month/week of your character’s life, but if you could have included the entire text of the novel in a page or two of emotionally laden dialogue or memories, you probably should have.  And don’t come at me with “Oh, Name of the Wind is the first in a series, things get underway later in the series” because if your FIRST BOOK does not grab me, I’m absolutely not giving you ANOTHER BOOK to get it done.  You want to set up some kind of heartwrenching Things Were Different Once arrangement?  Make me care about your characters and then drop bits of backstory as we go, or include a prologue, or get over your fear of flashbacks and use them judiciously. Crucially, give them a relationship to The Way Things Were and then use that relationship to make your reader upset for them.  Again, Toby Daye is a great example.  So is the Imperial Radch series by Anne Leckie.

Which brings me to seventh, which is that I am APPALLED that over the course of that entire goddamn book, there was not one single interpersonal relationship I ever came to give a damn about.  I think there was the girl, I think Kvothe might have had one (1) friend, I think there was a teacher?  And there was the kid Bast in the “modern” day, who I retained more of than literally anyone/anything else because he was the only person I gave a flying fuck about.  Again, I, the writer, am horrified about this, far more so than I, the reader.  The main thing that original content creators should take away from fanfic culture is that your readers will almost universally care more about the relationships between characters than anything else.  You are going to need a pretty balls-out crazy good universe and plot to smooth over a general lack of engaging relationships, and NotW just isn’t that good.  So, like, let that be a lesson.  I’m not recommending anything for this because this should be obvious.

EIGHTH, what...was the plot of the first book?  No, seriously, I was asking this when I finished it, too.  The only plot points I recall now are Kvothe deciding that he wanted to do The Magic, Kvothe conning his way into The School For The Magic (in, if I recall correctly, kind of a FMA ripoff?), something about a library for The Magic, a bunch of technical stuff about The Magic and Kvothe being an arrogant twit, and Kvothe getting whipped.  From what I remember, the entire book basically seemed to lead up to Kvothe getting whipped and ended shortly thereafter.  And, uh...how should I put this.  That’s.  Not a plot.  Again, that’s maybe a couple paragraphs of conversation between Kvothe and someone he cares about regarding the scars on his back, not an entire fucking novel.  Again, this should be obvious, I’m not recommending anything.

Anyway, TL;DR, NotW is ultimately a forgettable fantasy novel without anything in particular to distinguish it from a myriad of other unremarkably flawed fantasy novels, and I wouldn’t have any opinions on it whatsoever if people didn’t keep pitching it to me as the Second Coming of Tolkien, leGuin, McCaffrey, and fuck knows who else.  

A collection of the content I recommended here and why I recced them, plus some others:

Imperial Radch, Ann Leckie (unique scifi, excellent example of emotionally resonant flashbacks)

The Wrath and The Dawn, Renee Ahdieh (unique fairy tale retelling)

Stormdancer, Jay Kristoff (unique steampunk fantasy)

Sunshine, Robin McKinley (unique paranormal urban fantasy)

Kencyrath Chronicles, PC Hodgell (unique epic fantasy, well-executed fantasy cities and colleges)

Fullmetal Alchemist, Hiromu Arakawa (magic with a price, scientific magic, charmingly arrogant characters) (manga or Brotherhood anime)

October Daye, Seanan McGuire (magic with a price, emotionally resonant memories/prologue, well-executed urban locale)

Captive Prince, CS Pacat (charmingly arrogant/engagingly arrogant characters, well-executed political scheming)

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, dir. Guy Ritchie (charmingly arrogant characters, concise worldbuilding)

The Martian, Andy Weir (technical frontloading without being unreadable)

Sabriel, Garth Nix (technical magic and worldbuilding without losing character engagement)

Source and Shield Series, Moira J. Moore (unique urban non-Earth fantasy, charmingly arrogant characters, emotionally resonant conversations about the past)

Temeraire Series, Naomi Novik (technical worldbuilding without being unreadable, having a fucking plot in each book even if your overall plot is extremely big-picture and doesn’t show up until later)

The Wicked + The Divine, Kieron Gillen and Jamie McKelvie (unique folklore retelling/urban fantasy, charmingly arrogant characters, having some fucking diversity)

[survivor-tierradelfuego]

Ep. 8: “The leftovers. The unchosen ones. The losers.” - Najwah

Cody A. 

https://youtu.be/OSh0mvYBSwo

James Hayden

We just got back from tribal and Ryan was blindsided 3-1. I feel bad for the guy because he had no idea this was going to happen, but that' Survivor for you. I thought there'd be a merge at 13, but Jay's questions at tribal put some doubt in my mind. If it's not a merge, then I think I'm an ok spot if my tribe has to go back to tribal. I'm just praying to the Survivor ORG gods for a merge today or tomorrow.

Cody A. 

https://youtu.be/sg4qe6MUjJU

James Hayden

https://youtu.be/oGcQdHpBzhY

Zack M

i don't know how they did it but let's take a moment to shout out james and najwah making it through tribal! no idol needed. im so proud of them. i feel like james will gladly come back to our original alliance once we merge but najwah's commentary always leaves me feeling uneasy. no offense but like do you want to play with anyone, najwah? lol. you have to somewhat trust someone at some point in this game. i would love to work with najwah for as long as possible if she is still around after the merge but unfortunately all of the comments that have been made throughout the game will keep me from promising her anything longterm out of fear that she will run around like a crazy person at merge. also, i believe that she will be the first person to mention my name from hanuha in hopes of it becoming a big move that she could put on her resume. maola doesn't know me yet. i guess they could see me as a threat because of being picked as a captain but like i don't consider maddison a threat. lol. pedro and kalle seem to want revenge. i think it would be fun to get her out first at merge. i'm just rambling now. i'm hungry. we got the new challenge. it's some mini online games or something like that. idk. i'm not a gamer so i was like i have therapy and can't do this bye. i wonder if they think i'm making up my therapy sometimes but like if you guys have ever questioned it i promise i'm not. i have it monday, wednesday, and fridays lol. anyways, cody pedro and kalle are playing. i really only trust me and ben so like fml. hopefully pedro and kalle understand that they are playing for their lives and we win again. fingers crossed. ok i'm going to get chicken tenders. bye. 

James Hayden

Things post tribal did not go according to plan. I would've put money on us merging tonight, but instead we have another tribe challenge. There's a small part of me that thinks Edge of Extinction is play in this season. After this challenge, we will be down to 12 people and seasons post 30 that have a 20 person cast merge at 13. I think there's a chance we do merge at 13, but the 13th person is the Edge returnee. 

As far as this challenge is concerned, video games aren't my strong point. I'm not a gamer, but these games are pretty straight forward. If we have to go back to tribal I'm voting Amy. Voting out Najwah would hurt my game because it would show the rest of Hanuha that I'm not #Hanuhastrong and it would tie us back up at 6 original Hanuha and 6 original Maola. Voting out Amy gives us a 7-5 advantage heading into a potential merge, shows I'm #Hanuhastrong, and weakens Maddison who I think was the ringleader of Maola 1.0. 

Najwah

Last night's tribal was interesting and actually the hardest tribal council. Ryan started a group with James and I 7 minutes after Palena was formed which already made us weary of him. He then tried to blindside me and made me believe he's blindsiding Amy and asked me about James and his previous alliance and it was just a mess. He's an awesome person and great team player but it was just too much scrambling and we all feared he'd flip flop throughout the game, which is dangerous. I'm trying not to use this space as therapy sessions lmao so I'll keep it short. Uhm, I think i have a good thing going with Amy and James. I just really hope we win this challenge, or rather, don't come last so that I can work with them going forward. Amy let me know she has a steal a vote and I told her about my fake idol and we'd like to work together. I really like these two people. A LOT. I lied in tribal when I said I didn't want to keep things Hanúha strong going forward. I can't believe I have to lie and blindside now lmao its becoming HECTIC. I'm really hoping we did enough to at least place second in this challenge. 🤞🏽🤞🏽

Olivia A

I’m doing so bad at all of these games rn and I feel so bad bc I asked specifically to not sit out of this challenge. I play little phone games and stuff literally all the time and am really good at them and for some reason am just doing so so bad today. If we lose then it’s probably my fault but also my alliance of 3 is really solid rn so I’m not actually worried about getting voted off. I still feel so bad I hate this so much.

Cody A. 

https://youtu.be/8QZTwYzVqVI

Pedro A

if tomorrow is the merge IMMM GONNA DIEEEEE...we won once again..cause we the baddest.....honestly how am i still alive?...LIKE HOW??....chilllleeee

Olivia A.

Okay woah I’m so happy about this win I was so nervous. I feel like we’re in a really good place going into the merge I’m excited :)

Pedro A

i was about to write my pled for help to the 3 hanuha original members..so they could keep me over kalle...but now who cares...i will throw anyone hunder the bus ....to get to that final

Cody A.

Coming into this game being the competitor that I am, I never imagined even entertaining the idea of throwing a challenge.... BUT when Ben came to me with the idea of making a big move on Zack, I’d be lying If I said I didn’t think about it.. That being said however, I didn’t throw it, but I also did not try as hard as I could have.... I’m very surprised we are not talking to Jay at tribal right now.. Moving forward though, we need Zack.. I need Zack.. If we are merging tonight it is strictly a numbers game from here. I am ready to get my hands dirty, make big moves, and WIN THIS DAMN GAME!!!

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXbaQPdhQw0&feature=youtu.be

Najwah

After that whole challenge experience and this entire week, I don't even know what to say. It's been a tiring experience. Being on a tribe where no one really connects is the worst. I tried telling James that the other tribes were highly competitive but for some reason he was okay with his scores? This entire week I've barely had any sleep. Even now, it's almost 5am and people are just on our tribe, OKAY with low scores? We were doomed from the beginning. The leftovers. The unchosen ones. The losers. Honestly, it messes with you psychologically too. I'm tired of scrambling and relying on tribemates to make an effort. I wanted to work with Amy but she's so difficult to get hold of/unresponsive even though we are on similar timezones. James is hellbent on keeping it Hanúha strong and really, hope he isn't playing me. My heart honestly cannot deal any betrayal so close to merge, I'd also like to just enjoy my Saturday. I deserve to be on the merge tribe. Will most likely be at the bottom ass of the tribe but I want to be in it, nonetheless. I worked for it. And right now, I'm exhausted. Annoyed. Frustrated. Fucking mad. This tribe swap has honestly been DRAINING. Everyone is too nice and meek and people just don't care about winning lol.  I hate the anxiety and sleeplessness of these past few days. I forgot what life was like before this ORG lol what did I do? I miss Leanne, still. The best person in this game. I hate it here. I just want to get to merge and be able to breathe again. 

Sarah

Ahhhhh I can’t believe our tribe, Maola, won the challenge by so much. I legit thought we were going to lose and didn’t have high enough scores. Aimee freaking killed it on her scores, wow. I have been telling Aimee how to buy the small perfume bottles that give you advantages and where to get coins to buy them. She used FIVE on that challenge yesterday (I wouldn’t have used all five butttt). Part of my strategy during this tribe swap has been buying/playing advantages so we don’t have to go to tribal because I still don’t know who is close to who, and the more I’m with this tribe the more I feel like they really just don’t talk to each other and there’s not much gameplay happening. Part of my strategy with convincing Aimee to buy and use advantages was also so I know how many coins she has because that can come in handy at Merge. I also wanted to give her information about the idol hunt (which I got from others— I’ve never actually idol hunted not knowing where or what I was getting) so she could trust me. I FREAKING hope tomorrow is the Merge! How awesome would it be for our original tribe to have the majority and for me to still have an idol. I feel like after this tribe swap, Cody and I will be in the best position in the game when it comes to all of our connections with people. We have our group with Zack and Ben, I feel close with James and now Aimee, and Cody feels close with Najwah. So we really are kind of in the middle and as long as people don’t find out about how close we are, we can just get all the information from others and share with each other. I guess I won’t stop posting a brick.... sorry. 

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjWjJwew7rc

Zack M

welp. i think this is it. could we finally be merging tonight after tribal? or are we swapping to two tribes of 6? that would be super lame. all i know is something is happening and i'm glad because i've been so bored in this tribe. we keep winning. there's no reason to play. i need action. the third tribe that starts with a p is going to tribal again. i don't remember the name. hopefully james and najwah stay hanuha strong so we can go into the merge 7 / 5. if najwah turns she will be my #1 target. she's too dangerous for my game to allow her to run around. other than that ... we came in second during the last competition. we were so lucky. the maola tribe killed it. i wish i would have played because our teams scores were low key pathetic. the p tribe could have beat us if all their players had participated. like is kalle even playing the game? is she here? i talked to her once. i know i should reach out in case it is the merge but it almost feels pointless. i'm sure she will run back to the 3 girls in maola. pedro seems to legit want revenge for john and is open to work together. i hope he isn't lying because i truly do want to take him as far as i can. look, i know i'm talking kind of cocky but i believe in acting in the way you want things to go. i'll be a clown if i'm blindsided. i don't mind. i like clowns. however, this is the way i see it going down in my head ... - we stay hanuha strong - we get out the 3 girls from maola - we get out kalle - we take out aimee and kalle - we take out pedro and james - we then take out sarah - then we have ben cody and i at finale 3 just how we planned it it could honestly work. we just have to figure out idols and make sure no one plays them correctly. and that's where i'm at right now. wish me luck. 

Aimee

http://rebloggy.com/post/gif-pokemon-cute-anime-kawaii-charmander-s01e01/106470386286 Happy dance! I’m all for keeping this tribe together. Haha I may have gone a little over board on making sure I did my best on the flash games, but you really never know what the other tribe is going to be doing or getting on these challenges. I hope this doesn’t make me look like a challenge threat if I make it to merge. Sarah has really helped me with idol hunting and finding coins and where to find the advantages. This is great trust building! Thanks Hanuha for the free coins I yoinked from one of your bags at your camp.😏 After everything that happened in the last tribe and despite me voting for her, Sarah and I have really come a long way! I truly had the wrong read on her before. She is actually now someone I am very close with and get along well! Last night after we won immunity she told me she really wants to work with me moving forward in the game! Let’s do it girl! I really enjoy talking to Grae. They seem really genuine and such a kind-hearted person. They keep giving me little messages that seem to hint at wanting to work together. I think at this point it’s unspoken but we both know we would love to. We just get along so well. I also vibe really well with Maddison and I know she could be a very good ally in the future in this game. Olivia proved she is a total team player on this tribe and listened to our advice during the immunity challenge and really stepped up her scores! I am having such a much better time on this tribe and am really enjoying myself. These relationships feel WAY more organic. I will do what I can to help keep this going! I would love to see all of us make it to merge. I’m also so so happy Najwah is still in the game after her last tribal and hopes she makes it through the next tribal!

James Hayden

We are 45 minutes away from tribal and Najwah messaged me saying Amy is ok. We were worried about her because she's been MIA over the past couple days. Per Najwah, Amy will not play her vote steal. It sounds like Amy wants out of the game and if this is what she wants, I will oblige. There's a small part of me that thinks Amy is playing us, but I don't think that's the case. 

Maddison

Everyone is expecting a merge tonight, and original Maola is down in numbers. Hoping I can find cracks and worm my way in. 

Pedro A

SO i told everything to zack......he seems to rule that allience....so he will 100% tell the others....and will try to take grae and maddison out...

Pedro A

Grae and Maddison just create fake alliences.so people dont write their name down....and make people feel safe... AND im here to make justice for john PERIODTTTT.... #justiceforjohn

Ben Kessler

I hope we are merging. Pedro is out for revenge against his former alliance. Zack is a threat and I need it to be known. Cody and I are hopefully solidified. If we merge, grae and maddison are apparently big threats according to Pedro. So that is fine with me. Just gotta keep making sure the people I'm closest with stay in.

Kalle N

hey I'm super high rn and I don't remember if I did this already or not so her I go. I hope we merge soon so I can vote people out that have wronged me. can't believe we won the last challenge even after I did basically nothing. ok gtg ily bye

Amy A

So this round has been tough. My Internet issues were definitely the reason my tribe lost and I wanted to quit cos I felt so terrible but I think Najwah and I can do something with my steal a vote. I’ll steal hers and vote James so no one will suspect we’re working together and then go into the merge with our little secret alliance. Bliss 

Olivia A

I’m excited for merge but not sure if we’ll able to get numbers together and have a majority.

Najwah

All I know is that shit is going to hit the fan at this tribal and I'm scared as hell. Only three of us. You'd think it would be easier but it's terrifying. 

Cody A

https://youtu.be/QM4CiTbrjgw

Pedro A

im scared of the merge...scared of the girls allience...scared of me being a target...for being a wild card ...and scared of maddison and graeee.....kill me at this point

[newagesispage]

                                                            JULY       2018

 PAGE  RIB

***** Pete Davidson has gotten himself engaged to Arianna Grande. He has new tattoos to prove his love.

***** The first wall was raised for the old Conklin’s barn dinner theatre in Goodfield, Illinois. After a struggle to raise money after the old barn was destroyed and a fight with the insurance company, the day has finally come. The new structure which is part of a whole new complex will open in 2019. I can’t wait!!!

***** Vikings QB, Kirk Cousins is still driving his great old van and proud of it.

***** Check out Rotten apples, a website that is a database for consumers to learn if those involved in movies or TV have allegations against them.

***** The Daily show had a good idea. Every time that Scary Clown 45 does his daily dose of fucking everything up, call Fox news.  Calling your congressmen and protesting will have to continue, of course but it seems he mostly listens to Fox. Perhaps if they get tired of listening to us bitch, they will try to get their boss/fan to change a few things. 1-888-369-4762.** How far down will he and his cult drag this country?

***** A personal note: I heard a comedian the other day talking about jerks in all parts of our lives. Whether it be church, work, school, concerts, an AA meeting or whatever there is always an asshole in the mix to ruin stuff. This really resonated with me because I have seen a situation lately that perfectly illustrates this. A local store has a department with 3 managers. Manager #1 keeps hiring in his friends that mostly create their own schedules and do not often break a sweat. Manager #2 has been there a while and things run pretty smooth and fair when they run the day. Manager #3 is new to the position and often seems like they do not know what the fuck is going on and it was recently learned that this one has been backstabbing #2 so much that # 2 was fired. Now, we can’t know, of course, the reason for the firing but it just shows that a perfectly nice place to work and shop with a company one can believe in can go all wrong because of one or two bad apples. Manager #2 who is also battling illness (so does not often have the strength to fight back) has lost a career and many employees who respect them are now stuck working with people they know will run the place into the ground or having to find another job. I have seen a few similar situations thru the years and of course, asshole in chief in D.C. is like the all time perfect example of this but why can’t we weed out the jerks?  

***** Days alert: Is Paul leaving? What? They need to bring in a good mate for him. He is arguably the most honest person in town and he deserves the best. Let Will and Sonny have each other and find a better match for Paul but don’t let him go. I mean Sonny treats Paul like he isn’t even in the room half the time and they were going to marry?!  But, yes.. Chris Sean (Paul) is going and Bryan R. Dattilo (Lucas) may go soon too. Marci Miller (Abby) is out and will be replaced by the old Abby, Kate Mansin. Arianne Zucker (Nicole) will be back. Will she have a baby for Eric? Olivia Rose Keegar (Claire) has released a single titled ‘Just my type.’** Are they really gonna do a Ben and Ciara thing?** Sephen Nichols (Patch) is out as well as Greg Rikkaart (Leo). Farah Fath (Mimi Lockhart) is back. Sheila, Shawn and Belle will show up soon.  Kyle Lowder who used to play Brady will return as another character. There is a rumor that Allison Sweeney (Sami) will swing in for a bit and will she be pregnant with Rafe’s baby? I am betting so since Hope just mentioned something about Raif not having any kids.

***** Antarctic ice loss has tripled in just a decade.

***** The Philadelphia Eagles were cancelled at the White House because most of them would not come. Philly’s mayor countered with:” Trump is not a true patriot but a fragile egomaniac obsessed with crowd size and afraid of the embarrassment of throwing a party to which no one wants to attend.”  The night before, Fox news showed pics of Eagles kneeling when in fact they were praying as they always do. Nobody said there was anything wrong with that before so the players would like to know what is wrong with praying? This particular team never took a knee all season as protest. And what about the 10 players who wanted to go to the White house and worked hard to get there?** Scary Clown says he won’t even invite the NBA champs.

***** Illinois ratified the ERA. Just 1 more state and 36 years after the deadline to adopt legislation we may get there.

***** So, I see Domino’s latest stunt is fixing the roads? Somebody has to work on the infrastructure so it might as well be them.

***** The MtV awards best dressed to me were Alison Brie and Kristen Bell. While the chaos engulfed our country, the young people at the awards (the so called Hollywood elite), spoke out for real super heroes, acceptance for all and an end to bullying.

***** Should we be giving Dennis Rodman airtime to show how stupid he is? I hear the argument  over and over lately that someone was nice to them so they must be ok. This could be said of Trump, Kim Jung Un or a serial killer. How fucking selfish can people be?  The ignorant seem to be incapable of seeing the horror right in front of them as they pick and choose facts.

***** Why have I seen a rash of first cousins as lover’s jokes? Why is it ok to make fun of this?

***** Artifacts were found in Springfield, Il. which came from the 1908 race riots. First found in 2014 when work was being done on an underpass, officials hope to soon have them on display. After working to preserve the items, they are looking to the Smithsonian and the Library of Congress.

***** Is there a new serial killer in Massachusetts?

***** The Koch brothers are apparently waging war all over the country against Mass Transit. They use paid activists to push similar thinking voters to vote it down. It is funny that these big government haters don’t mind that the Koch Brothers have made a well thought out data service to help control their voters.

***** The Tony’s were pretty rockin’ this year. Robert DeNiro got everybody going with a Fuck Trump sentiment. Most awards went to The Band’s Visit, Harry Potter and the cursed child and Angels in America. Once on an Island won best revival and other winners were Glenda Jackson and Nathan Lane (who I love but was really pulling for Michael Cera and Brian Tyree Henry). Tony Shalhoub, Laurie Metcalf and Andrew Garfield also took home awards.  The most beautiful moment was from the students of Stoneman Douglas and their teacher who was honored.** A Trump supporter went to A Bronx tale: The musical after the DeNiro incident which is codirected by Mr. D. The supporter held up a Trump 2020 sign. My son chuckled, “At least he bought a ticket.”

***** IHOP has become IHOB. They think they are Red Robin. More $ in burgers than pancakes, I guess.

***** Stephen Colbert sang the National anthem at a Mets game.** Trump is taking swipes at the late night hosts now. Conan, Colbert and Fallon teamed up to do a funny about that.

***** So some people think that Roseanne’s racist remarks and Samantha Bee’s ‘cunt’ comment are the same? Both should lose their show? NO.. big difference.  Other countries do not get our outrage.. The word ‘cunt’ is not as big a deal in Canada and Great Britain. If there is fall out shouldn’t standards and practices at TBS be in trouble for letting the ‘feckless cunt’ comment go to broadcast? I mean Roseanne did this on her twitter on her own. Trump cult members think they can all go to twitter and spout their racist, hateful rhetoric and get away with it. If one is going to be successful in the mainstream world, they may not get away with that like Scary Clown. Anyway, Go Samantha Bee!!**BTW,  Love the letter that Michael Moore put out about Trump and Roseanne, it is worth a read.** ABC will let the others serve out their contracts after a settlement with Roseanne when they bring us The Conners.

***** Jim Carrey and Showtime will give us ‘Kidding’ on Sept. 9. The dark comedy will cast Carrey as Mr. Pickles, a children’s host who is falling apart. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind’s Michel Gondry will direst and the cast will include Catherine Keener, Judy Greer and Frank Langella.

***** Michael Myers, Jamie Lee Curtis and Halloween are back and wipes out all the sequels.

***** George Clooney received the lifetime achievement award from the American Film Institute.

***** Illinois man, Jay Smith claims he may have coyotes, wild dogs, a mix or hybrid or a unique unknown species in the woods around his home. The U.S. Dept. of agriculture and Chicago’s field museum are now interested in the 40 or so creatures. Smith describes them as bigger than wolves with dark coats. You can see for yourself on youtube : Kanahoe wolves of forgottonia.

***** Atlanta has been renewed for season 3, of course!!

***** Reese Witherspoon will soon be back in the Legally Blonde world for the third time.

***** I truly love to hear Louie Anderson laugh.

***** The President is Missing, a novel by James Patterson and Bill Clinton is #1.

***** Terry Crews talked to the Senate about sexual assault.

***** Secret Service is temporarily keeping an eye on Sarah Sanders and more staff members may get their own agents.

***** The Environmental media association Benefit gala honored Elizabeth Olsen, Ray Halbritter, Mike Sullivan and Jane Fonda who danced on stage with the musical guest Snoop Dogg.

***** Redmond O’Neal was arrested on June 8 for assault with a deadly weapon, criminal threat, brandishing a knife, battery and attempted murder.  Police say he went on a violent spree in Southern California.

***** Watch for Shock and Awe from Rob Reiner in July. People have been floating his name for President and U know the opposition would immediately call him meathead. I say embrace it, Meathead for President!!!!!!!**I Love that Reiner calls out Trump with’ the art of the lie.’

***** The much anticipated Old man and the gun will be out in September. The comedy filmed in Texas stars Robert Redford, sissy Spacek, Casey Affleck, Danny Glover and Tom Waits. I can’t fucking wait!

***** Look for the new film, An Actor Prepares with Jeremy Irons, Mamie Gummer, Larry Pine and Jack Huston.

*****The special council has piled more charges onto Paul Manafort. It was after this that he went back to court for violating the terms of his house arrest and his bail was revoked. The 40 charges now include witness tampering. All charges were about incidents before the Presidential campaign.

***** We have to know that people are not really paying attention when Scary Clown and Gulliani babble on incoherently on national television and their supporters do not seem to care or they really don’t get it. These voters seem to think that it is easier to stay with the devil you know and just refuse to bend. ** Ivanka keeps gathering more new trademarks in China and refuses to answer questions about it as the trade talk rages on.** Why do people keep trying to normalize all this behavior?

***** So.. Supposedly Trump told a friend that porn is not allowed in the White House and it his biggest complaint. Some reporters submitted this as an official question to the White House. It seems the subject has never really come up so no one has thought to ask before. So far there has been no response. ** Word is that Scary Clown rips up papers after he reads or uses them. The problem is that Presidential papers have to be preserved for history so 2 people work just to tape those papers back together.  They were fired this month.

***** Sexual misconduct controversy abounds in Illinois under Mike Madigan with Tim Mapes under the microscope.

***** Justify won the Belmont Stakes and is just the 13th horse in history to win the Triple crown.

***** Senator Jeff Merkley is telling us that immigrants are being held in small cages in Texas. Is this our country? Is this really happening?

***** Recording academy President, Neil Portnow will step down from his post next year.

***** Mystery Science Theatre 3000 will tour in the fall. Joel Hodgson, Jonah Ray, Tom Servo and Crow will begin riffing live on October 9 in Portland, Maine.

***** I wanna be in New Orleans for Voodoo fest on October 26-28. The lineup rocks with Marilyn Manson, Janelle Monae, Zeds dead, Elle King, Mumford and Sons, Arctic Monkeys and Childish Gambino.

***** Next year Brian De Palma is going to start filming ‘Predator’ about the Weinstein scandal.

***** Convicted drug trafficker Alice Johnson was pardoned by Scary Clown.  Who’s next?

***** Trump called Canadian PM Trudeau, meek, mild and weak. ** True to form, Trump showed up late at the G7 for his meeting on women’s empowerment.** Rep. Steve Schmidt said that ‘Trump beclowned himself.”** Trump quote: “Kim Jong Un is a great guy” and “ North Korea is no longer a nuclear threat.” I don’t think he will ever hear the end of it over those statements. Saying it does not make it so. I wrote this and then I heard Chuck Schumer say it. ** Big evidence of wrong doing in the Trump charity organization. He is now being sued by the attorney General for persistent illegal conduct.** Trump now says he wants to withdraw from the World Trade Organization. He is being such a good little boy by helping Putin check things off his list. Destroy NATO, Destroy EU, Destroy the UN, Eliminate U.S. leadership. ** As June ends, there are new reports that North Korea has ramped up its Nuclear production.

***** This whole mess with 2,000 kids being taken from their parents at the border is an outrage. I can’t help but think of our ‘well meaning’ Christian folk trying to convert the Native Americans back in the day. They tried hard to make the natives dress like the white man, pray like the white man and go to our schools. As well as leverage for scary clown’s wall, are they trying to fill these children’s heads with their own propaganda while they are in foster care or residing in the white man’s warehouse? **When will the loyalists realize that a wall cannot be built? Private citizens own some of that land. There are bodies of water on the border. No matter how much the racists wish for it, it just can’t be done.** There is something about the way he grins crazily when he is called out on something. It seems like he is so proud of his lies and the way he conducts himself so unethically. I am reminded of Manson and the way he would light up when asked about his crimes or when he was shown footage from other family members talking about him. This is such a fast moving story that some are equating to the way the Jewish and the Japanese were treated in the past. ** It is obvious that no planning went into any of this new policy. It is wonderful that so many reporters are watching the facilities they know about and staying at the border. It takes time to get the facts and it isn’t easy when the administration is being so secretive. The lawsuits have started. Can we get Sessions, Nielsen, Pence and Trump on child neglect??** People of all nations will not want to be here soon and we will be left with the racists and bullies. Do we leave or do we fight?  If everybody left the Trumpers alone in this country what would they have to complain about? They have no empathy, it is like they thrive on others suffering. ** Multiple on air personalities cried at the stories of the children as their emotions came to the surface. I think many of us feel helpless as that sinking feeling we all had on election night has come to the point we all feared.** The Red Cross has not even been allowed in to these FOR PROFIT facilities. Protesters are staying on the case of Krisjen Nielsen. The administration and their defenders have been so flippant about the whole thing especially Corey (womp, womp) Lewandowski.** It costs the government over twice as much to house the kids without their parents.** Melania visited the kids and wore a jacket which read ‘I really don’t care, Do you?’ This started a whole new mess. I thought of those Turpin monster parents. Why on earth does anyone want to put kids in cages?  Does it make someone powerful to torture children?

***** June ended with about 700 protests for the kids in cages. Family’s Belong Together marches were overflowing in the heat with inspiring messages and a lot of heart. I was so proud to be there.

***** New York has sued the federal government over zero tolerance.**The U.S. has withdrawn from the UN human rights body. Many do agree with this one for they feel there is not equal punishment for nations when it comes to human rights.** A lawsuit was filed on April 23 alleging kids were held down and injected to render them helpless and keep them calm.**It seems that we should leave the immigrants alone and enforce swift, harsh penalties for those who hire undocumented workers. These employees aren’t paying their fair share on these employees.**The Pentagon has been asked to prepare housing for 20,000 immigrants.** I mean, this is not a simple subject but basically if you come in illegally, you go back. If you seek asylum, you should not be separated from your child or be in detention. More judges would help get this backlog caught up and ankle bracelets had seemed to be helping the situation. Take some of this ‘traveling to Mar a Lago $’ and hire more judges. And let’s help stabilize these regimes so folks will feel safer in their own countries. Some are even saying they should abolish I.C.E.. Some of those speaking out with that thought are I.C.E. agents themselves. I.C.E. spokesperson James Schwab has been speaking out. He claims he resigned because although he was asked to spin for both administrations, the current administration asked him to outright lie. Thank you James! ** Immigrants add 63 billion to the economy.** A federal judge has declared the kids must be reunited with their parents in 30 days, for younger kids it is 14 days.** Justin Trudeau tells refugees they are welcome in Canada.

*****  Ok.. Read the next item before this one!!!... So Stuttering John AKA John Melendez has a podcast and he claims he called air force one and he got thru.  He pretended to be Sen Bob Menendez and Trump told him he would have a Supreme Court pick in 2 weeks. While people wondered if this was true, Trump announced he would have his pick on July 9.

***** The Supreme Court upheld the travel ban including Venezuela, North Korea, Syria, Iran, Somalia and Libya. They (5-4) claim it is not a Muslim ban and allows for them to get off the list. This reverses the lower court’s rulings but at least it is the third incarnation as the first two were struck down. Even though the Supreme court said the President has the authority it did put it somewhat in check. Still wrong.  0 people have been killed in our country by a person from one of these countries.** The Supreme Court also tells us you don’t have to pay your union dues. ** Justice Kennedy is set to retire. Trump’s private banker at Deutsche bank for 12 years is Justice Kennedy’s son. JS

***** The country gets more liberal and the power in the country gets more conservative. WTF?** Rod Rosenstein seemed very confident in his questioning this week. This is good news for the country!

***** Sean Spicer is putting together a talk show.

***** The Trump administration is backing insurance companies to eliminate the pre- existing condition protection.

***** The 2019 Hollywood walk of fame will add Robert DeNiro, Anne Hathaway, Michael Buble, Tyler Perry and the trio of Linda Ronstadt, Emmylou Harris and Dolly Parton.

***** Sara Netanyahu has been indicted on fraud charges.

***** Take a listen to the Ear hustle podcast and get the dirt inside prison.

***** Studied show that 97% of rapists never go to jail.

***** Women can drive in Saudi Arabia but arrests are up for women who protest there.

***** Jerry Springer is finally done with his show.

***** The republicans govern without shame. The democrats shame without governing.  –Bill Maher

***** From what I see it seems that America to the Conservatives means guns and Christianity should be included in our governments and our schools.  They seem to like everyone to take care of themselves financially except in extreme cases and outsiders should not be a part of this country. America to the liberals seems like the same rights for all like health care, ruling our own bodies and that love is love. They believe in high taxes and programs to help others.

***** Jeff Sessions of the United Methodist church has been charged under church law with violating paragraph 270.3: child abuse, immorality, racial discrimination and dissemination of doctrines contrary to the standards of doctrine of the United Methodist church. In the 50 years of the church as a denomination, no case can be found that has gotten this far.

***** It seems that there was always a bit of a separation between Fox news and the rest of the company. This latest border mess has crumbled that particular wall. Artists who have at one time or another  worked for Fox Studios are speaking out. Modern Family creator Steve Levitan, director Payl Fieg and Seth Mcfarlane are among them.

***** If we don’t make peace with our wounds, we’ll be tempted to despise the wounded.  – Father Gregory Boyle

***** No one is illegal on stolen land.   Thanks Kim

*****  Trump is not much on tradition. The man cancels the congressional picnic for lack of time but is gung ho for rallies and fund raisers .A scrawl on Fox news dressed down CNN and MSNBC for not airing the latest Trump rally. Who the fuck wants to see that nightmare?

***** Peter Fonda’s emotions got the better of him and he tweeted: WE SHOULD RIP BARRON FROM HIS MOTHERS ARMS AND PUT HIM IN A CAGE WITH A PEDOPHILE AND SEE IF HIS MOTHER WILL STAND UP AGAINST THE GIANT ASSHOLE. He deleted it but the damage was done. He apologized to the family.**Sarah Sanders was asked to leave a restaurant** Maxine Waters is asking people to call out Trump workers when they see them. This is getting ridic but I think the right thinking people of this country are feeling trapped and desperate. Civility is hard keep in check when our country is being taken over by racists, thieves and bullies. We must try to do this right though. We must get this right!

***** Scary Clown 45 claims that crime in Germany is so high, perhaps because of the refugees? In fact, crime is at a 30 year low? Similarly, a report commissioned by Scary’s own administration shows how much immigrants put into our economy but since the numbers were good, they buried that report.** A story claimed that WH staffers show the President only what he wants to see and that John Kelly tells people to just let him keep going as he is and if it leads to impeachment then our country will be through this horrific time.** His rallies and speeches get crazier if that is possible. Does he travel with an audience?** Trump claims that the Dems want immigrants because they see them as potential voters. Genius, years of red tape and possibly letting gang members (his words) in just for a vote! ** He will say anything to divert attention from himself and his cohorts using this country as their personal piggy bank and taking our rights away.** The UN has declared that the policy of separating children from parents at the border, “may amount to torture.”

***** White house.gov has an agenda for a complete reorganizing of the Federal government full of privatization, major cuts and consolidated power.

***** I-95 in Maine has been getting shut down so border patrol can check your citizenship. WTF?

***** OK.. This is a very unimportant note and I try to never watch commercials but I love the new Progressive ad where the dude is turning into his dad. So cute!

***** I wish that there was a little more backbone on the Sunday morn political shows. I mean the weekend of the big outrage at the border, there were big Trump loving infomercials, why are Bannon and Kelly Ann even invited on these shows?  I have no earthly idea how anyone could have an ounce of respect for any of them.

***** A NY Times story finds that Scary clown 45’s prison cutbacks have been so severe that teachers, secretaries and nurses have had to act as prison guards. ** Economists estimate that Iowa soybean farmers alone could lose up to $624,000,000 as a result of the tariffs. **Harley Davidson has moved some of their work to Bangkok because of the trade war.

***** Thank you James Corden for the Carpool Karaoke with Paul McCartney. It is the first time in a while that I let go of all the worry over this country et al and really got engrossed in something sweet and fun.

***** Disabled vets are being docked on their disability checks for an insurance they were forced into that they and their families can’t even redeem.

***** Kevin Vernardo has started his own circus.

***** Vince Vaughn was arrested June 19 for DUI and resisting arrest.

***** The BET awards winners include D J Khaled, Black Panther, Migos and Sza. Best dressed to me were Meek Mill, Remy Ma, Trevor Jackson, Storm Reid and Janelle Monae.

***** Mystery Race day theatre with Michael Waltrip????

***** John Legend tweeted a Fuck You to Paul Ryan!

***** The electoral college must go!

***** March 2019: Tim Burton will bring us Dumbo with Michael Keaton, Colin Farrell, Alan Arkin and Danny Devito.

***** Stan Lee has gotten a restraining order against his business manager claiming elder abuse.

***** A 94 year old Elgin woman put up a large sign in her yard that read ’Impeach Trump now!’ The city told her that it exceeded the size limit for signs in the city ordinance. She put up a smaller sign claiming that she just wants to draw attention to his foreign policy, trade policy and domestic policy. The woman, Myra Becker said that he’s a disaster. “I’m on a walker and there are all the things I can’t do but I can put up a sign.

***** Larry Kudlow had a heart attack.

***** The new season of Comedians in cars getting coffee includes Dave Chapelle, Alec Baldwin, Dana Carvey, Ellen DeGeneres, Zach Galifianakis, Jerry Lewis, Kate McKinnin, Tracy Morgan, Hassan Minaj, John Mulaney and Brian Regan.

***** So John Cena is really a pig! There was a clip of the man telling his girlfriend that he would make the sacrifice of giving her a child. This was a regular clip from a show she does so at least he owns his pig status, I guess. Sure, it is a ‘reality’ show that is supposedly all scripted but I don’t think that would matter to me if I was that kid.  I guess all their money will help. Good luck kid!

***** Boundaries will star Christopher Plummer, Peter Fonda and Vera Farmiga.

***** Mike Pence was invited to the big gay dance party in Ohio that was in the street just outside his hotel.  

*****  Brockmire continues to make me laugh out loud. A great line: Orange juice is a glass of vodka wasted.  How will sobriety play in the next season?

***** Trump staffers seem to have trouble unwinding and having personal lives since most of D.C. wants nothing to do with them. Recently it was revealed that they have found a bar called Rebellion where they feel welcome. Oh what clever clogs.  I imagine that since this has been revealed , it won’t be fun there for long.

***** Better Call Saul season 4 will have a mysterious Breaking Bad character that was never seen named Lalo. A couple more characters will be introduced when the show returns August 6.

***** The Traverse city film fest will honor Jane Fonda with Lifetime achievement.

***** Acura is sure using a lot of vintage Stones in their advertising as of late.** BTW The Stones have a new boxed set of all their original material albums from 1971 on. It is all cleaned up and lookin’ pretty!!

***** The new Whtney doc about Whitney Houston has some honest revelations . In a posthumous Me Too moment, it is revealed that she was molested by her cousin Dee Dee Warwick.

***** Maryland was home to the latest shooting. The AP has declared they will help the Capital Gazette continue to publish until they get back on their feet. Now that is what this country should be about.

***** The table in the Vietnamese noodle shop where Obama and Bourdain dined has been put under glass. Fans have come to the shop to pay tribute.

***** Mia Farrow proposes we move to saying ‘succumbed’ to suicide instead of ‘committed’ suicide because depression is an illness. The legacy of suicide is cruel enough for all involved. The national suicide prevention hotline number is 1-800-273-8255.

***** R.I.P. Glenn Snoddy, Alan Bean, Joe Jackson, Ella Brennan, Dwight Clark, Kate Spade, Alan O’Neill, Danny Kirwan, Eunice Gayson, Murray Frumson, Koko, Jackson Odell, Gena Turgel, Jerry Maren (last of the lollipop guild) , DJ Fontana, Neal Boyd,  Matt ‘guitar’ Murphy, Nick Knox, Jimmy Wopo, Charles Krauthammer, Vinnie Paul, Richard Harrison, Richard Valeriani, victims of the Maryland newspaper shooting,  Anthony Bourdain, Steve Soto, Willie Lee Rose, Richard Allan Greenberg and Eva Kirchgessner.

[survivorkvaloya]

Episode #1: “Us Students Sure Are Learning To Read Today Huh” - Quillynn

this is so stressful I literally have so much respect for these returnees who are putting themselves thru ANOTHER main season. Like i've been in this for like an hour and I'm already #struggling to keep up with everyone and trying to talk to everyone. I'm literally on call as I type this being stressedt as heckie. I honestly truly am so excited about my mentor, I've heard so many things about Brett and we're both HOS winners so I'm excited!!! I feel like we'll get along really well. I don't have any outstanding first impressions right now but I love Dani that's p much it. I'm also the only newbie on this call right now and I don't know what these hoes are talking about. Bye.

I'm really excited for this! Its a lot to take in with everything thats going on and the one world twist and everything so it feels like a totally new experience. This is only my second ever ORG but I do honestly feel good about it so far. Everyone seems nice and I'm really happy with my mentor! I'm really hoping to go far here and am trying to set myself up early as a strong newbie, I know that will probably put a target on my back later down the line, but I want that. What's the fun in playing in the shadows. I want attention and I want to make an impact hopefully I can keep myself in the game long enough to make that happen!

I'M FREE OF ALEXIS THANK THE LORD

ok hi it's been a little over a day since the game started, and I feel more chill about everything, but I'm still SUPER EXCITED to be playing woo!! 

I mentioned yesterday I was excited about having Brett as a mentor? That still mostly remains, but... he's not very forthcoming on advice. I really really need to get the ball rolling and talk to him about game stuff. I wanna form a really strong bond with my mentor and make the most of this season theme. He's nice and all but small talk with him is boring.

I'm tryna be social this game, I'm starting out small today and I messaged everyone on my tribe. I feel like I got a pretty strong first impressions read on everyone. Nicholas - My king. I've been friends with him for a while and we agreed we're working together already, us being on the same tribe is such a plus. Quillyn - Icon? So easy to talk to. Interesting to talk to. I think they're close with Nicholas too so that's perfect  JD - Ahhhhhh I don't know. I've heard so many good things about her but so far I'm not impressed tbh kljgdkg. Is that mean to say? Oh well, idk I didn't talk to her much but I'm not sure how well our personalities mesh.  Zoe - Actually the one person I haven't talked to yet because she didn't respond to me. She seems to be the least active and the youngest. Potential first boot if we lose. But I wanna protect her and befriend her bc we both have the same org mother (Jay B)

My plan moving forward is to align with the mentors and play a super strong social game. Last night on call it was me plus 4 mentors and it struck me that if I align with mentors it'd be easier for me to get in with students. I'm gonna try to talk to everyone in the game by the end of the round, but my first target tomorrow is to talk to all the mentors of the people on my tribe. I wanna get in good with them. 

That's pretty much it for strategy. But, something that's highkey kinda annoying me is my tribe on this flash game challenge. Like I'm really good at Cats so I'm okay doing it but I am AMAZING at Casanova and it's the most important game because of the clues. Like, JD came into the tribe chat bragging about her 2.08 million score like girl.... my high score is 3.5 million on that game. I was just in a game and someone got 9 million on it. Like, that aint that good of a score. But I also can't be that bitch and say I wanna take Casanova because I am genuinely good at Cats and no one else wants it, but I'm still being bitter bc I want that idol piece clue. Anyway, I'm tired, good night.

Okay SO 

 Day 1 I wanted to kill myself. You put Jules on my tribe. The girl who lied to me and gave me 1st boot in Olympics. A game with no idols and she still lied to get my voted off. And she's on my FIVE person tribe again. KTHX. 

 My student is nice. I like him, I like that he hasn't done that many games. I was worried that he'd just want to play the game and not care about the mentor thing, but like my good friend Katie, I want to play for my student. But once my student gets out, if he does, then I'm gonna play for myself. 

 So far I was on call the whole night. I made some real connections with Jack and Willow. Two completely new people to me, and I love them. I also started talking to Liam and Christine a bit. Those two are on my tribe and if we happen to lose then I REALLY need them on my side. Brett is nice. He's not my cup of tea right now, I can tell he doesn't care to talk to me, no matter how hard I try. He's closer to Jules age and her personality so I'm so fucking worried that they're on my tribe. 

 FUN FACT for the hosts. Gage (Mr Winner up in this bitch) and I know each other. I played HIS first game and I helped him out as much as I can. I was like his mentor two years ago and now we're here together and he remembers me! So I'm happy. 

 Also oh shit. Danielle and I are literally best friends. It's hard to hide. We were literally on call watching The Challenge when the cast went out and we found out we were playing with each other. The two of us stayed on call all night and made tight relationships with Willow and Jack together. She kind of let it out of the bag to Jack how well we actually fucking know each other. And then I stopped trying to hide it and we all laughed and had a good time. And I truly believe he will work with us for the beginning of this game. 

 Also me winning the mentor's idol piece, I didn't tell anyone but Danielle. I told Jack my score and Andreas that I got higher than his, but obviously no one knows who really won. I didn't tell my student because it's not even a full idol and I don't know if I'm going to be in his plans for this game, I want him to want me but I still have to feel it out. 

 Also Andreas and I have been friendly rivals for like 3 years so I'm excited he's here. I fucking love the other returnee tribe and I'm upset I'm not on it. 

 I'm really happy with the casting because I literally only know Gage, Jules, Andreas and Danielle. Gage, Jules who I haven't talked to in 2 years, and Andreas who I talk to like, only a couple times a year.

So you could call me shook honestly. I somehow got asked back for another season of Tumblr Survivor, something that I thought I would never do again. I didn't really like the community that it is now but right now? I LOVE IT. I get casted with my best friend Ryan and we legit had no idea that the other was casted. When I saw him, I gotta say that I was pretty scared. He's such a good player and that's threatening to me. But, I'm happy to announce that we might just be the perfect final 2. We talked all last night and played Roblox and it seemed like we were right on a good track of being number 1 allies. My thing with Ryan is that I really never know where his head is at. He isn't very clear sometimes so I don't know. On to other people though. I really like my tribe. Connor and I seem to connect the most on this tribe. I would think that if we were to go to tribal, he would have my back the most. Willow is another person that I adore. We sat on call all of night one and talked about weird/deep shit. She's someone that I can really work well with in this game. Andreas is someone that I am on the fence with. He somehow knew that Ryan and I were friends because he messaged me and said 'OMG Ryan!!!' and I almost thought I was fucked for a second. I didn't want to tell anyone that Ryan and I are really good friends because I don't really know how they would find out here. We were old school Tumblr and I don't think a lot of these young kids know us from back then. I also am vibing with Jack a lot as Ryan and I were the last ones on the tribe call. I almost guarantee that he got the advantage and Ryan already told me what he had (since he won it). We have 1/3 of the idol on our side already. I'm beyond happy but part of me is like ?? shit. Things have been going too well for me and I'm scared to see the downfall of Big T. 

Mkay so I have my THOTS I THINK It's midnight and I rlly should be sleeping but here I am doing this! First off, my tribe. I'm hosting Christine on RB, so instant plus. I've wanted to get to now Brett, so that's a slight advantage as we go along. Ryan and I hit it off right away, so I think he could be a valuable ally along the way as well. I haven't gotten to 1 on 1 convos with...um..lemme just go look for her name...Jules! Right, her. She seems alright but meh, I could easily see myself voting her out early on if she was to become dead weight. Second, my student, JD. Hello..? You there..? We've had one convo so far, and my mind is out the window. It's gonna take some time to get used to him tbfh, but as long as he's not voted out, I get my advantage! Third, my game plan as far as bitchy Liam goes. I'll lay a bit lower at the start, but I will bring down my hard blindside hammer the moment an opportunity arises. Peace. xoxo

whew so first of all i am super excited to see what happens in this game it's my first ever main season so i am really anxious and ready to get started!

i guess that i am going to begin with the first aspect of the game: mentors & students - i really feel like this is a fun twist and im excited to see what it has in store for us. i love the concept of extra credit and us having to help one another instead of tear each other apart. my mentor is the QUEEN big tuna/danielle and i absolutely couldn't be happier. i think she is a sweet gal and everyone seems to really like her so that's really great news for me! however i do feel a gut feeling that she doesn't like me or something or that someone told her something about me bc she seems really standoffish so idk i might just be crackedt but she seems like she isn't ever too thrilled to chat but it might just be her personality or something. either way i know her and ryan are super close so im hoping that she will keep me safe with him down the line.

as for the cast, i really adore a lot of people here and can see myself working closely with them. people like colin, willow, quil lynn, trixie, lily, lauren vorhees all stand out to me as people i would love to work with down the line and i feel like my relationships with them are pretty great as they are right now to where i don't need to work to hard to cultivate anything new. i do want to work with new people and step out of my comfort zone for this game and i am stoked to see some people who aren't the same dusty 7 bitches who are in every game so it is certainly refreshing to say the least. my goal for this round is to go around and try to spark a conversation with almost every single person who is in the game right now.

on my tribe i currently feel pretty safe. quil lynn is a great ally and we work together very well and she already told me she has an idol piece so that's great. she is the ONLY person I have told about the legacy advantage bc i 100% trust her. and now if anyone else finds out that i have it i can pinpoint it on her and know that the trust i have is misplaced. i really feel like the legacy advantage is going to be pivotal later in the game and it may not be able to help me but if i get into a situation like i have in my past few games where people i love are at f5 and stand no chance it could be a real game changer!

lastly i guess i will talk about the whole one world concept. i am really scared of one world games after i played another side season which had a one world twist and it fucked me up the ass with a knife and then twisted it multiple times. like a huge alliance formed and i got fucked from every single angle and it was annoying to say the least. now this time around i can choose to either be a part of that type of a movement or i can choose to just hope no one forms a cross tribe wild alliance. right now i am just going to be upbeat and social and just wait to see how things pan out, but my eye is open and im ready to strike up an alliance if shady things start to happen. let's just hope my tribe can pull immunity and i can have a very easy first round with no trauma!

Well hello! I'm so happy to be back, especially with this cast full of icons. I'm super happy that Lauren is my student cause she's an absolute gem. The only concern I have is that were not on the same tribe so I'm not sure how this is gonna work out. When it comes to my tribe, I'm literally obsessed with everyone. I've seen Jules and Ryan around the community and to finally get to play with them is amazing! And then Liam is actually hosting me in another game which is pretty cool, he's really nice but a little quiet. Then there's Brett and let me just tell you that I adore him and the fact that his student is Colin!?!? Its literally perfect. Me and Colin were freaking out about it on the first day since we all won HOS seasons in a row so if we can make an alliance out of that? Beautiful. So yeah, hopefully we don't lose any time soon cause I adore these people.

As for people not on my tribe, I get a really good vibe from Danielle and then Willow seems pretty adorable. Lily is also a sweetheart so if she and Lauren get along, that'd be amazing. The only person I've actually played TS with before is Connor. My only worry about him is that he might boot me early just to put me in Japan but other than that we're good!

For now everythings looking good, although I am concerned about the idol system. I normally work alone or with another person I trust dearly when it comes to this stuff so potentially involving 3 people!? Terrifies me. But yeah, other than that things are good and I'm just hoping neither my tribe or Lauren's go to tribal anytime soon. :)

My first confessional! This'll be boring. Anyway: My tribe dodged tribal! Sadly, my mentor's tribe has to go along with Quilynn's and Nicholas's. I think they'll all be safe though. I'm excited to actually work with them longer this time around. I got a piece to the idol clue, although I lied to Jackson about this. I really like him, but I need to make sure I can trust him 100%. I hope he won't be upset by this when he reads this. Sorry!!!! I like everybody on my tribe, it would have been hard to make a vote if we went to tribal. Let's hope that doesn't happen!

So we lost all because of irrelevant zoe not submitting! Like that would be fine whatever but when JD literally tried to help her with the issues she was having with the game and she just doesn't respond and then totally ghosts? like okay bye! However nobody on this tribe knows how to fucking read so even after getting the results we all just assumed it was a double tribal still until my mentor (Shout out to Willow she's great) wanted to teach me lol and helped me figure out that both tribes are actually just voting off one person which totally throws a wrench into this zoe plan! She is still my target, but now there are other factors, like first, why would the mentors vote off our weakest link? Connor is zoe's mentor so he probably wont vote her, and also what is stopping us as students from trying to take out one of them! I would like to make a big move like that, but it is so early in the game and because of zoe being an inactive flop we also are down a vote. Hopefully all goes well and we still get her out. JD also told me he didn't find the idol piece and I had to acted surprised lol I know Chelsea found it but nobody else needs to know that, especially now that it means we have 2/3 pieces! 

Okay SO we lost the challenge which pissed me off and OMG I JUST REALIZED THE BANNER ON THIS CONFESSIONAL PAGE MOVES IM HERE FOR IT!

Anyways so we lost the challenge, which was not to my surprise because these people aren't amazing at flash games and I did not try very hard in it. I need people to think i'm not amazing in them, because in great lakes it really put a target on my back. 

So, let's talk about these people in this game. I'm not really bonding with any of them which tbh I'm not too worried about - for now. They all seem very inactive, everyone seems super busy and i'm not about it. The person I actually get along with the most in terms of the game is Jules, we both have a bond of being original mentors. But as far as that, these people are really boring and scare me for that reason. ESPECIALLY CONNOR AND CHRISTINE, because he didn't follow me on insta and if people don't follow you on insta after you promote it, they want you out. But those two really just don't want to talk to me and I'm not gonna force myself upon them. When they need me i'll be there.

So currently the plan is to vote zoe out which I think is really stupid on the newbies side but I understand why, im interested to see if connor will agree to it. I learned in the first SvM that fighting too much for your student is dumb, so honestly if I were him i'd let it fly.

So let's hope I dont get voted out, I would not like that. Peace and love

omg I havent submitted a confessional like at all yet so this one is probably gonna be super long I'm sorry. Okay so I didn't know any of the mentors coming into this season but I knew 4 of the students?? what the heck. I'm just gonna do a cast assesment of my tribe and other people I've talked to in One World idk. 

QuilLynn- omg I love QuilLynn, I'm so happy that I got her as my student! She's so nice and iconic! I heard a bunch of great things about her since she played in Bouvet. I'm really hoping we can both do well in this season together!  Danielle- We talked for like 3 hours on call during night 1 with Ryan, and she's super awesome, and she lives in Wisconsin, which is where I was born lol Gage- We talked for a little bit, he seems nice so far and his dad owns a carnival which is awesome  Andreas- Andreas is cool I guess, but sometimes he can give one word answers when hes texting which is boring but if we get conversation going then hes nice Connor- I think out of anyone in my tribe I've talked to him the least which is probably bc hes busy from his job, and hes nice but doesnt give me a lot of conversation to go off of, idk if that makes sense  Colin- I played 2 sides with him, hes really nice so I'm excited that hes getting a chance to play a main season  Jack- I played a side with him and he was the first boot of the tribe but I like him hes pretty interesting  Nicholas- Nicholas has somehow played every side season I've played lmao and I think hes played more orgs then me, and hes really nice  Lily- I played in a side with her too and shes a super nice person but Dana said that as a player she doesnt seperate games which really sucks Ryan- I skyped with him for 3 hours on night one with Danielle and hes so nice!

Anyway I think for this next tribal its gonna be a fairly unanimous vote for Zoe to leave bc she didnt submit for the challenge and seems really inactive, so Im glad/ I hope its an easy vote. I mean it'll suck that Connor's gonna be sent to exile but oh well? 

So, take four. Here we go again. My student has NOT been online. We have had next to NO conversation about anything. It's like trying to mentor a rock. My tribe lost immunity, of course. Why would I be on a winning tribe. That would be too convenient. And, of course, it's a joint tribal council. And, of course, there has been a plan made to vote out my student. Now, im fine with that, and i go by the whole as long as it aint me aesthetic in the beginning of games before i start 'making moves', but it concerns me that i was the last person to find out. I could be reading into it, but im on the bottom of this tribe. Im trying to get some information from the other tribe to see who they have a plan to vote for and, if it's someone i think being eliminated from my tribe helps me, then so be it. 

as first confessionals go, heres a low down of my tribe:  tuna - love. office. its beat juice. end of story  willow - good vibes only, seems like a gemini or a libra. good.  andreas - didnt you leave the community i....  gabe :) - i dont know her

uhh so, thats where we are ish, folks. currently, its just a big ol' mess 

 oh and fuck one world

Holy fuck so okay..... Ummmmm this is my first confessional so I feel like I have to go over everything. The first day was a lot to take in, like there are 4 people here that I'm playing another game in, I've never done a one world before so that's fun. Sooooo that challenge was fun... I think this is the third time I have done Casanova as a challenge, but I'm good at it and me and Q were... I'm gonna say that I was being a greedy bitch because I wanted that clue and if we got the clue then there would be a tribe that didn't get it... Not that it helped at all because I missed it. This whole 'how do you search for an idol' this is really hard on the head too :/  I don't get it and I bet that it is sitting right infront of me and that's the pisser. Ummmm okay so that's the challenge... Zoe is going home, no reason for the other tribe not to vote out one of out own, it'll weaken us after all. But if she stays then it weakens us too so it's hard to say what is really going to happen. I'm in a game with Danielle right now and after a fucked up tribal I might end up in an alliance with her that I just don't want but I talked to her and Andreas and he was okay with voting her too. I'm also kinda talking with Conner so we'll see how that goes but I mean, even if he loses the % boost in challenges, do you really wanna have a student that isn't doing shit. I'm pretty sure that because the vote is so obvious that every one thought it was gonna be tonight. Or because everyone was talking about it so they thought that it was gonna be tonight IDK but literally everyone thought it was gonna be tonight. To add more shade.... Fuck your idol searching  s h i t   o.o

Round one is pretty much over and I'm pretty sure I'm not gonna be first boot so all is well! It sucks having to go to tribal round 1 but at least it seems like we're all on the same page. Zoe didn't submit and she hasn't talked to like anyone. Like, sorry girl, I'm sure you're sweet and all but you're the weakest link in the tribe and if we wanna be strong we have to get rid of you. As for first round game dynamics, I've pretty much formed a pretty good talking relationship with most of the tribe and I feel pretty comfortable. I've been talking to Nicholas, Danielle, and Quillynn a lot and I think they're my faves. Lily and Jules are probably my other fave mentor/student pair because they're both super sweet and fun to talk to. Andreas talks to me a lot but I feel like he's the type to make f2 deals with everyone so I don't trust him. I'm highkey worried about not being in any alliances yet but I also really really don't wanna be the one to initiate them. I needa find myself part of a majority real quick.

That's all. Bye.

[americanmyths-blog]

Gretchen Gogreve Dr. Rothenbeck English 2270 1 May 2017 Warped Female Identity Is it possible to reject femininity that is part of one’s self? This is something to think about when we think of Esther Greenwood from the novel, The Bell Jar. Esther expresses her discomfort in being a woman by dislocating herself from other women. Esther’s interactions with other women further complicates what she believes is the idea of womanhood. She is uncomfortable with society’s gender role expectations which reflects American culture. As Esther tries to find mother figures of her own and understand society, her disgust with marriage, motherhood, and pregnancy exemplifies her discomfort with gender role expectations. As we get to know Esther, she cannot in any type of way relate to the different kinds of women she meets. She feels this way because she does not see them as the type of role model Esther is looking for in women. She is still trying to find the ideal woman for herself but it is hard for her to when she feels uncomfortable with what society’s role for women is. What society during that time expected women to be are wives, homemakers, and mothers. They are expected to devote their life to caring for their husband and children, rather than chasing their dreams. That is simply the idea of womanhood during that time, but Esther wants nothing to do with that stereotype. She is discomforted by what society expects her to be and she does not want to be a part of that. Esther’s discomforted feelings about her future are shown through the comparison of the fig tree. Esther says, “One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet…and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor…and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this big tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would chose” (Plath 62-63). Esther is capable of choosing a fig but she can’t even find herself to choose one. Esther continues, “I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet” (Plath 63). Notice how Esther mentions how one fig was a husband with a happy home and children but no career. Then notice how she talks about a famous poet with a successful career but with no family unit. Esther believes that people cannot have a family and a career, it has to be one or the other. If someone has both of these features, she finds them inferior. To Esther, mind and body, career and family, intelligence and sexuality are contradictory. She sees these women or men as having low standards and having a substandard personality. She believes that people cannot have both of those qualities, whereas they should have one or the other. She compares them to the grotesque images that she believes in her head and she does this so she doesn’t think of herself as that stereotypical woman. She feels like this is not what she believes herself to be, any woman, or any man. Throughout the middle of the book, Esther agrees to go see a psychiatrist named Doctor Gordon. Esther’s expectation of a psychiatrist is not what she expected Doctor Gordon to be. Doctor Gordon is young and good-looking. Esther’s first impression of him was not in the nicest way. “I hated him,” Esther says, “the minute I walked in through the door…I could see right away he was conceited” (Plath 105). Esther notices how he has a family picture on his desk with his beautiful wife, children, and their dog. “For some reason,” Esther comments, “the photograph made me furious…how could this Doctor Gordon help me anyway, with a beautiful wife and beautiful family picture in a silver frame?” (Plath 106). As I mentioned previously, Esther does not believe that someone can have a career and a family at the same time. She believes it should be one or the other. Esther feels uncomfortable as she sees Doctor Gordon in a happy family unit and having a career at the same time. After seeing how happy Doctor Gordon is, she seems to get a sense of alienation and a sense of loss from the image of family. She does not believe in the idea of motherhood and the image of family. She does not want to be a part of that because she does not like how society expects women to be. America during the 1950s played a significant role in the baby boom. The baby boom happened as the soldiers were coming home from war and wanted to start a new life. They were all excited from their victory from World War I which caused the marriage rate to rise. In response to this, there was also a desire to have large families which caused the birthrate to rise as well. It has been known that a baby was born every 7 seconds which marked the baby boom throughout the 1950s. This is ironic because as we know, Esther finds being married and especially giving birth inhumane. That time during the 1950s was a huge time of history where so many people were getting married then in response having children. Esther thinks that whole idea is a waste of time then especially going into the stage of motherhood. More women during that time were becoming mothers and in becoming mothers came the responsibility of having motherhood roles. As family and society require certain roles, motherhood also requires women to take their parts accordingly. The portrayal of mothers in The Bell Jar is intolerant and far from the idea of a loving and caring mother often found in literature. Esther encounters three mother figures: Dodo Conway, Mrs. Willard, and Jay Cee. Esther says that Dodo Conway, “Raised her six children-and would no doubt raise her seventh-on Rice Krispies, peanut-butter-and-marshmallow sandwiches…and a special discount from the local milkman” (Plath 95-96). Everyone loved Dodo but her children made Esther feel uneasy and hearing the noise of Dodo’s baby would drive her insane. As we see, Esther fears marriage and having babies. Esther cannot commit herself being married to someone or most importantly, having a baby. Esther says, "After I had children I would feel differently. I wouldn't want to write poems any more. So I began to think maybe it was true that when you were married and had children it was like being brainwashed, and afterward you went about numb as a slave in some private, totalitarian state” (Plath 69). Esther imagines babies more associated with death than with birth. She believes it is humiliation to the mother instead of a celebration of a new life born. Before Esther observes the child birth at the medical school, Buddy warns her by saying, “You oughtn’t see this…You’ll never want to have a baby if you do. They oughtn’t to let women watch. It’ll be the end of the human race” (Plath 53). As Esther watches the woman in labor, Esther is convinced that what Buddy has told her about giving birth is true. Esther believes the actual process of going into labor is inhuman and the role mothers are getting themselves into is a waste of time. But Mrs. Willard shows Esther the true meaning behind being married and going into motherhood. Mrs. Willard, Buddy’s mother, is another example of Esther’s idea of a mother figure. Mrs. Willard teaches Esther what marriage is which Esther believes is a waste of time and a wasted life. Esther cannot accept the kind of life Mrs. Willard has such as cleaning, cooking, and washing clothes from morning until night. Esther is afraid that marriage will ruin her desire to write while she gets caught up in doing the activities that a housewife is expected to do. She feels like once she is married, she will have no time to follow her dreams in writing because she will be so busy doing what housewives are supposed to do. Esther finds no alternative as she is trapped with the patriarchal idea of woman, so she continues to despise everything female in order to focus on her artistic imagination and to keep it alive. She wants to keep her desire to write and be successful just like Jay Cee. Jay Cee is the editor of a women’s magazine and is a successful working woman whom Esther admires. Esther touches upon how unattractive Jay Cee is but Esther confesses that she tried to imagine Jay Cee out of her working outfit and in bed with her husband. She said she has a horrible time trying to imagine people in bed together. This shows how Esther cannot imagine a successful and intelligent woman being connected with her husband with physical attraction and physical contact. Jay Cee is trying to help and mentor Esther to a fulfilling professional life after college which Esther appreciates. Esther wishes Jay Cee was her mother and if she was then all of her problems would be resolved. A woman that Esther looks up to as another mother figure is Dr. Nolan. Dr. Nolan is Esther’s psychiatrist after she attempts suicide. Dr. Nolan is everything Esther’s mother is not. Dr. Nolan understands Esther. She understands Esther by knowing she is a bright, determined young lady who might wear away under the authoritative social expectations of a woman. Dr. Nolan sees how Esther’s relationship with her mother is only making her social life and her depression worse. Dr. Nolan steps in and takes the initiative of acting like a mother figure to Esther by acting in a kind and helpful way. As we read The Bell Jar, we come to a realization that Esther seems to be bound to the concept of womanhood. Her attempt to escape from the idea of femininity leads to confusion and isolation from the people around her. Esther sees herself separated from society which leads her to discriminate the people around her. Even though Esther has met so many wonderful women and mother figures, she cannot see herself following the roles of being what a woman is. Based off not wanting to be a part of society’s womanhood, there is no way that Esther can have the slightest idea of wanting to be a part of motherhood. She finds the whole idea of being married then giving birth inhumane. She believes if a woman is married, she is bound to follow the roles of being a married woman and stopping all her desires she wishes to be in life. Based off all these conclusions Esther has, she struggles to find her identity between being a woman and finding her freedom in who she wants to be in life.

Works Cited Budick, E. Miller. “The Feminist Discourse of Sylvia Plath's the Bell Jar.” College English, vol. 49, no. 8, 1987, p. 872-885., doi:10.2307/378115. Sakane, Yoko. “The Mother, the Self, and the Other: The Search for Identity in Sylvia Plath’s ‘The Bell Jar’ and Takahashi Takako’s ‘Congruent Figure’.” U.S. Japan Women’s Journal English Supplement, no. 14, 1998, p. 27-48., http://www.jstor.org/stable/42772124.

[survivor-tierradelfuego]

Ep. 5: “I only deal with things in my control” - Ben

James Hayden

Tribal went according to plan. Leanne was blindsided 5-3. Now to do damage control with Naj and Aimee. Hopefully we don't have to do this soon. Zack's constant paranoia before tribal is worrisome. 

Maddison

Pedro just blew up my game and I want him gone. 

James Hayden

Within minutes of tribal ending, Jay sends us a message saying that our next immunity challenge will start in a few minutes. What the hell??? I was not expecting that. It turns out to be a game of tag from hell. We instantly lost Sarah and Amy because they have sketchy internet connection at the moment. Although losing the challenge and going to tribal isn't the worst thing for my game, I accidentally goofed and was eliminated after two hours. It's now down to Zack, Ben, and Naj vs 5 (?) of their people. Zack tried to make a deal with them to end this, but no dice. If we do lose, Aimee probably goes home. I don't want to go to tribal again, so I'm once again praying to the Survivor ORG gods for a W.

Ryan

I was doing so well for the first few rounds, but it feels like I'm going on a downward spiral. I'm pretty sure I've still got numbers with Pedro, Amy, John and Maddison, but I'm scaaaaared

Olivia A

I’m very disappointed by the outcome of that challenge. I think if we kept going we definitely would’ve won. We shouldn’t have taken the deal but oh well I guess. I am incredibly exhausted and almost cried when the randomizer showed that they won. I’m going to sleep!!

John B

Well that challenge turned into a major bummer, but hey, hindsight is 20/20 I guess. Now we have to figure out who to vote and if I had to guess it’s gonna be Ryan or Alan. I hope my alliance can get things together. With Alan having the idol we may need to split votes and Idk who we’d split with. Honestly at this point as long as it’s not me I could care less. Xoxo Gossip John 😘

Kalle N

Pedro exposing alliances that I'm not a part of... OOF. Honestly I don't even care who we vote out at this point. I am getting sick of no one on this tribe being able to make a decision or say a name and if i get voted out i will be relieved. I just want this to end

Ryan

feeling very Sandra right now. “Anybody but me”. 

James Hayden

After more than four hours, WE WON THE TAG CHALLENGE FROM HELL!!! We were only down to Zack and Ben, but we won!! The other tribe agreed to do a randomizer and had a 75% chance of winning, but the Survivor ORG gods favored us and we got the W. After the challenge, Jay said to be online after tribal. This leads us to think a swap is happening. I'm just hoping that the odds are in my favor and end up with some variation of the 5. Ideally, the my new tribe would be me, Sarah, Ben, and two people from the other tribe. As long as my new tribe isn't myself with Aimee/Naj and three new people, I should be ok.

Ryan

I’m getting really close to John, I feel like we’re starting to really control some decisions. Maddison is still my #1 though

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2sp7C2PJIE&feature=youtu.be

Zack M

what can i say right now? i'm not happy. we won the immunity challenge but not because we deserved it. i'm so irritated with the majority of my tribe at the moment. again, i understand that real life is going on around us and the majority don't have the luxury of just sitting around on our computers all day. BUT LIKE CAN WE JUST TRY IT ONE NIGHT?! just once. the challenge was tag. endurance. we have to be ready to go every 5 minutes. did i plan on spending my saturday night like this. absolutely not. was i there until the very end? absolutely. we started out with cody, james, najwah, ben, and i. we were immediately down by 2 because sarah and aimee weren't available. after about an hour john from the other tribe and i were chosen to meet to try to reach a deal to end this challenge early. i got nothing from john even through i tried to be cute and mention that he beat me in the flag challenge. whatever. we continue. during this continuation the host left to shave her head. cute haircut, wrong timing. can you imagine jeff being like "brb guys, do this challenge without me because i need a trim real quick." like what? especially during a game where it comes down to SECONDS. like if you can't be there go ahead and tap in someone else. when she returned she asked if anything had happened ... the rules clearly stated that we were NOT ALLOWED to talk in the game chat ... john on the other side said "nope" .... the rest of us said nothing because again, let me repeat for the people in the back, the rules clearly stated that we were NOT ALLOWED to talk in the game chat. if their 6 (minus john) and our 4 at the time understood, why did he not? also, why did he not get punished for it? THEN we decided to make it harder where we were speeding it up a little to try and get through it tonight. again, let me repeat that, all we did was speed it up. from what i understood we had to "tag" someone at the beginning of the minute. we were not able to wait until the last second ... otherwise why would everyone have not been doing that the entire game? it would have obviously been the go to move. grae, from the other tribe, tagged najwah right before the cut off. she was literally typing as the round ended. it was clearly unfair but again overlooked and we were down another player. i know we are human and the host can't be everywhere at once and at the time ben and kalle from the other team were trying to come to some sort of deal to end the game BUT the game should have been the main focus. on top of letting it slide, my multiple comments of how it was unfair were not correctly addressed. in no way was i trying to get an upper hand for our team. it was clear at that moment we were going to lose and as i've mentioned in multiple confessions i would rather be at tribal than not because i don't know what everyone else is doing. i just love rules. i'm very type a. i pay attention to everything. i didn't think it was cool. nothing can change my mind. it wasn't cool. period. but let's take a moment to sit back and lay in that good karma. i'm a firm believer that good things come to those who deserve it and we did because we had two disadvantages happen to us in the game. in the end, we went to some website ... idk ... and did some random shit. their 5 names and our 2 were put in a list. they picked the number 3 so the host hit randomize or something 3 times and i picked the number 4 because that's my god number and BOOM!!!! ben's name was number 4 so we won. WONT HE DO IT. YES HE WILL. believe in him and give thanks because we won. i thought i was on mute but i wasn't and i clapped. the other team probably hates me and like i'm guessing we are going to expand to 3 groups of 5 tomorrow but i don't even care. if i'm going to lose and be voted out i want it to be right. our team did not deserve to be at tribal tomorrow and guess what .. we won't be. i'm praying i end up on a team with the majority of my alliance or at least my tribe but honestly we will probably lose if we do. i just want a team that wins so i can make it to the merge. that's all i'm focused on right now. the rest can come later. in conclusion, i don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. i don't really care. i'm ready to play survivor. ... oh yeah, and leanne went home at tribal tonight but honestly that feels so long ago and i don't really have anything to say about that except i love you leanne and it wasn't personal. the message to the wrong group killed your game. human error. *mic drop*

Najwah

I am honestly shocked by that tribal. There are no words. I KNEW it wouldn't be straightforward. I knew some blindside would go down coz nothing made sense. However, I really didn't expect them to vote out Leanne haha. I thought it would be me for sure. As I told Cody, everyone are such bad actors. There were so many things that didn't add up and they created a group with "A plan" but no one had a plan and everyone was saying the same thing? Also Sarah was way too comfortable. And she supposedly hasn't spoken to anyone? Haha they're terrible liars. Like at least make something better up. And the jewelery box!! WHERE IS THE JEWELERY BOX? Leanne never had it. Someone else is playing really hard. It's defs one of the boys. I bet. I never trusted Ben and James. 

Najwah

I gave my all in that game. It was already 6am when I got eliminated (quite unfairly, might I add) but I could have gone on all night because there was no way I wanted to go to tribal council again. Especially now that I'm on the outs and don't really know who to trust anymore. I don't trust anyone. Cody called me after tribal but idk, I feel very disappointed because I at least thought HE had my back but I understood, I was close with Leanne and I was the one she was messaging in the group. As much as Leanne made a mistake. I made a mistake by replying. I basically dug my own grave by doing that. I bet they would have never known about my alliance with L had I not replied. Jokes on them because she had a fake idol and lmao SOMEONE ELSE STILL HAS THE JEWELRY BOX. Anyway, I think Sarah is going to win this whole thing. I'd love that. I'm backing Sarah all the way. Love how she plays this game. Low key and she has power. I'm Team Sarah Haywood. 

Grae g

Looks like the girl wanna get pedro out while the John+pedro majority are telling people alan. It seems like absolutely everyone on the tribe is following what they say and that’s gotta go. Plus Pedro showing his own alliances to everyone via screenshot last night didn’t help LMFAO

Olivia A

I’m super excited about this vote because it’ll officially set a divide of alliances in this tribe (in which i will be on the majority). I feel bad about blindsiding John with this vote but Pedro posting that screenshot and showing multiple people in my alliance (including myself!) talking to him is something I can’t let be used against us. So he’s gotta go!!

John B

I think tonight’s vote is coming together. I feel bad but I think it’s going to be Alan. My biggest worry at this point is me or someone I’m close with getting idoled out. Hopefully I can talk to Alan and push them to vote for someone who’s not me lol. Honestly voting people out makes me feel super bad, especially since I kind of spearheaded this vote (I don’t think anyone realizes that though) I just hope this plan can go smoothly and we can get rid of the idol all together. ALSO I put 8 wishes on the wishing tree lol, I’m not sure if that does anything, but if it does I’ll be set lol, I probably don’t need those coins anyway 👀👀 Fingers crossed I don’t get blindsided or idoled out y’all! 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

Alan B

Omg this tribal is gonna be intense, from what it sounds like john is trying to take me out by buddying up with everyone, but it seems like everyone else is trying to back me up, hopefully this will go well but im STRESSED

Kalle N

The game just got a whole lot more exciting. I'm playing double agent by convincing John that we're voting off Alan, when in reality we're going for John's closest ally: Pedro. I don't think either of them will see it coming and I'm very excited for tribal.

Aimee

https://media.tumblr.com/6e98e0f1a1116e0d7faf5e9f51b29ab6/fe59555738f2307b-bf/s540x810/955cfcc9683d192965fc7e708613b934de5531fc.gifv Bye Leanne! I know you were selling me down the river to Amy T. Odd thing is, I didn’t even vote for you. I hope we flushed out an idol. I just don’t get how Sarah is playing what seems like a ghost game and is more “in the know” than I am. How many times can people tell me “oh sorry we couldn’t tell you the vote because we thought you were close with ——“ and expect me to just take that? Why am I not allowed to talk to other people or be close with others but you are? How is it a 5-3 vote but Najwah claims to be left out of the vote. Uh Leanne didn’t vote for herself, and if it was me and Ben that means Najwah voted Leanne. Do they really think I just don’t talk to people and compare notes? I know who everyone is with. I only trust Ben at this point. And if I make it to merge or judge it’s team Ben or Maola. I think there is a small alliance since day 1 that I am not in. I just didn’t even look that hard for an idol today. I was just too distracted by the calm of the flowers. https://jrchair98.tumblr.com/post/184827414479/ゼニガメ-0007-01-11-frames-based-on-gif-from I hope this game gets better for me, because I am just emotionally drained. This is a marathon and I feel like people are lying to me and I’m gonna get backstabbed in a more direct way. Don’t worry fans, I am strong but I needed this camping break to get my head on properly and I am so relieved I won immunity. It’s time to get to work.

Pedro A

OMG THIS ALL TRIBAL IS A MESS

Amy A

Urgh so today is a complete mess! This feels more survivor for me than all the previous tribal councils. The vote has been flipping all day and it can be anyone at any time. I have a new alliance and I think I was able to steer the vote away from Pedro so I stay solid w the outsiders alliance but I know they’ll come for me if they know I’m now in a tight alliance w all the girls and gender non-binary. New alliance is voting for John and I don’t think I made it very obvious I have a sorta alliance w Pedro cos he was the alternate vote. I heard my name somewhere so that freak out is there and a little part of me is scared but all in all I’m a very little confident about tonight 

Amy A

I found an advantage!!!! I get to steal a vote!!! Omg I thought the option I chose was gonna get me a disadvantage for the tribe but I ended up getting an advantage 🥳🥳🥳🥳. I cannot wait to play this strategically to save my behind in a tribal council. I have decided to keep the news to myself for now but I’ll share it with (probably) Maddison soon. I’m really close w her and we have a strong bond. 

Maddison

John just told me that he thinks of me as his number one and I am five hours away from attempting to blindside him. Sorry buddy, you gotta go. Alan B Lol looks like i'm dead in the water tonight if i don't use my idol, i was the only one who didn't help last night bc i didn't understand that it would just end before i woke up today ... HoLy ShIt 6 ppl are saying they're gonna blindside Pedro to keep me alive :O If pedro votes for me ima flip my shit ... Gosh i have no idea if i should use my idol tonight, because it sounds like the tribe is fighting about whether or not i should be allowed to stay. If i can make it past tonight without my idol, it could get me even farther, but i might not last longer than tonight if i don't ... i'd really rather vote john out then pedro, but it might be safer in the long run to eliminate the person that knows i have an idol...maybe i can get pedro to switch his vote to redeem himself and keep a partner alive for a little longer. Although since he's in a group called "core four" he might have already told them ... The tribe has officially split lmao, looks like we're voting john tonight if i can trust the people who are saying they'll back me up ... Ugh my heart is telling me to try and rebuild my alliance with pedro and try to get him on my side but my brain is telling me his other alliance is clearly stronger so i have to stop trusting him. Either way super sad that pedro betrayed me, apparently he told people about the idol, looks like he'll be next on the chopping block ... even though im in a group with a majority of the tribe i still feel like they're secretly gonna vote me out anyway, that would be a damn good way to get rid of my idol since it sounds like everyone has gotten wind of it. honestly id just be impressed but if things work out for me tonight and i still have my idol i think thats the best shot ive got at getting farther ... im gonna not play my idol tonight and trust the majority of the tribe, if it bites me then so be it, they played their asses off to get rid of me if thats the case, like if they were gonna get rid of me they would have just followed johns plan right? Aimeehttps://media.tumblr.com/6e98e0f1a1116e0d7faf5e9f51b29ab6/fe59555738f2307b-bf/s540x810/955cfcc9683d192965fc7e708613b934de5531fc.gifv Bye Leanne! I know you were selling me down the river to Amy T. Odd thing is, I didn’t even vote for you. I hope we flushed out an idol. I just don’t get how Sarah is playing what seems like a ghost game and is more “in the know” than I am. How many times can people tell me “oh sorry we couldn’t tell you the vote because we thought you were close with ——“ and expect me to just take that? Why am I not allowed to talk to other people or be close with others but you are? How is it a 5-3 vote but Najwah claims to be left out of the vote. Uh Leanne didn’t vote for herself, and if it was me and Ben that means Najwah voted Leanne. Do they really think I just don’t talk to people and compare notes? I know who everyone is with. I only trust Ben at this point. And if I make it to merge or judge it’s team Ben or Maola. I think there is a small alliance since day 1 that I am not in. I just didn’t even look that hard for an idol today. I was just too distracted by the calm of the flowers. https://jrchair98.tumblr.com/post/184827414479/ゼニガメ-0007-01-11-frames-based-on-gif-from I hope this game gets better for me, because I am just emotionally drained. This is a marathon and I feel like people are lying to me and I’m gonna get backstabbed in a more direct way. Don’t worry fans, I am strong but I needed this camping break to get my head on properly and I am so relieved I won immunity. It’s time to get to work.

Maddison

Tonight’s vote will draw a line in the sand for the tribe, and hopefully solidify a majority alliance. I do wish Pedro was going home, but I’m not going to push hard for it this early. As long as someone not in my alliance gets their torch snuffed, I’m happy.

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1EDaQS-hPPQ&feature=youtu.be

Sarah

I wish I was better at confessionals and didn’t always leave a brick. That will be my goal for the week. OKAY. So tribal went as planned last night with our strong group of 5 (Jess) voting out Leanne. I trusted my group and I‘m glad I didn’t need to play my idol last night (and I love that it’s still a secret except for Cody knowing about it). After tribal, people thought Leanne may have had the idol and that now it was back in the hunt. Turns out, Leanne DID have a fake idol, whatever that means. Moving into a tribe swap, I do feel pretty good about going into one with most people on our tribe. I feel good about anyone in our group of five. I do worry though that with how spontaneous Zack is he may want to make a big move and flip on our tribe. Apparently Naj thinks I am a threat and thinks I will win so I do have to watch out for her but I do genuinely want to work with her. She doesn’t seem to know about Cody and I but she did expose her and Cody’s connection (which I obviously knew about) so she is quick to expose people! I am not as close with Aimee so she may flip too but thank god I have the idol just in case I get in a unpredictable tribe swap situation. So excited to get to know more people and I feel like this game has kicked it up a notch. Ready for a tribe swap! And hoping there are some cracks in the other tribe. 

John B

I’m terrified it’s going to be me tonight. Alan caught wind of the plan I think and told Pedro they were going to play their idol. Now we are splitting the vote so Pedro and I will vote Ryan and everyone else is voting Alan. I really hope people aren’t lying to me, if they are it’s definitely going to be me tonight and I’m going to cry. I’m literally so stressed.

Aimee

Uh, oops. So I got a little too drunk in the woods this weekend to even read these messages properly. Ben voted Leanne last minute and couldn’t tell me in time because I didn’t have phone service. Najwah I’m sorry I doubted you for even a second.

Ben Kessler

Hello it's me Ben. I am very scared about a swap but I know if I get put with my own people, I got this. Hopefully I don't get swap screwed, Aimee trusts me, and I can work my magic with the other tribe. Swaps are out of my control and I only deal with things in my control. Unless there's no swap? Who knows

James Hayden

30 minutes before we need to be online for something game related, Jay tells us to pick a leader. Zack volunteers instantly which is fine with me. It keeps the target of my back and puts a bigger target on his. I think this is a school yard pick for new tribes and hopefully he can keep us #jessstrong #JESSPRESERVATION

Ryan L

essgo babyyyyy hopefully not getting kicked out