#wow this got LONG

[arreat]

more dp/poolverine headcanons!!! i am normal about them 👍 (can you tell I can't write dialogue for shit? yeah have this pile of Description)

Wade Wilson is not a strong man. Well, he is virtually indestructible and extremely skilled at fighting, but that isn't to say he has no weaknesses. Wade worries too much, has crap self-esteem, struggles with existentialism (no thanks to the voices), and obviously the whole abused chew toy thing he has going for his skin is not helping his confidence. In fact, one could argue that you could harm Wade more just by insulting one of his weak points.

The creation of Deadpool was to cover all of that cause what better way to cover your insecurities than red spandex, an armory of weapons, and many, many (bad) jokes? Enemies can't poke your soft spots if you've distracted them with terrible innuendos and references to increasingly obscure media. The joking is a defense mechanism, the aggressive chatter is to make sure Wade's thoughts don't spiral, and the mask is uh, literally and figuratively a mask (to get into character, of course).

When Logan thought he first met Wade, he actually met Deadpool, the cocky, leering, and loud merc who can't be serious for more than 15 seconds or he WILL combust (haha get it? combust? sex joke?). Logan isn't appalled by the Deadpool character, he just doesn't expect it to be so different from how Wade truly behaves, away from prying eyes. Admittedly, the two have only gotten as comfortable with each other after almost a year of living with each other. Logan has opened up more to the merc as well, something about Wade's similar garbage fire of a life and immortality making the wolverine loosen up around him.

In private, Wade is still as chatty, but he definitely tones down on the innuendos and false confidence. Instead, the merc rants about his day, their (no matter how much Logan denies) dog, and this cool new show that you should totally watch, peanut. But still, VERY rarely does Wade talk about more personal things or shows emotions other than neutral and happy.

That is why, one night while the two watch the tv after a long mission, it immediately catches Logan's attention when Wade starts sniffling. At first, the Logan thinks its the tv program but nope, just some random commercial (unless Wade is particularly moved by drain cleaner?). The sniffling and Wade's erratic breathing becomes louder, causing Logan to nudge the merc with his foot.

"What's wrong with you?" Logan frowns, kicking Wade again when he doesn't reply.

"Wow you," Wade gasps, sucking in a lungful of air, "really sound like my dickhead father right now" the merc says in between gasps, trying for casual but falling flat by a couple miles (or kilometers, i never understood why we didn't change the saying to the more commonly used measurement but oh well the author is getting sidetracked).

The merc is on the edge of-- oh never mind now he's fully hyperventilating, Logan thinks with panic. The wolverine was never said to be emotionally capable, dammit, he should've actually paid attention to what his mandated therapist said to him about all this mental stuff.

"Uh bub, d'you need a paper bag or somethin-" Logan manages to get out, moving towards the side of the couch Wade was on, hands reaching out hesitantly. Wade shakes his head furiously in lieu of an answer, opting to cover his mouth and nose with his hands in an attempt to slow his breathing.

"I'm afraid," GASP "any touching right now" GASP "is off limits but" GASP "if you want to get" GASP "handsy later I won't" GASP "complain" Wade manages to stutter out. "Talk me through" GASP "it, big boy?"

Logan is suddenly thankful for all those mental health "briefings" that were mandatory for the x-men in his universe. He turns off the tv and kneels in front of Wade.

"Hey Wade, look at me, focus on my voice." Wade flicks his eyes over to look at Logan, so hopefully he's listening? "Do you need to move to somewhere quieter, the bedroom?" Logan gently asks, to which he receives a frantic nod.

"Ok, I'm not gonna touch you, but I need you to walk with me," Logan states as he slowly stands alongside Wade, making sure the latter doesn't trip.

The pair cross the room into the bedroom, Logan leaving the door open slightly in case Wade started to feel claustrophobic. Thankfully, the walk and change of location seemed to help Wade, as he was hyperventilating slightly less.

"Would Mary Puppins help? You want me to bring her over, bub?"

Wade nods again, settling into the covers.

"Sure, will be back with you quickly, just need to leave for a second."

Logan swiftly but gently retrieves Mary Puppins who senses Wade's distress (like the good dog she is) and proceeds to drench the merc's hand in saliva as her unique form of a comforting gesture.

"Need anything else?" Logan asks while sitting on the floor beside Wade, keeping an eye on his breathing but not close enough to be potentially uncomfortable for the merc.

Wade shakes his head, already looking much better than 2 minutes ago with the distraction of an ugly-cute dog. The two stay like that, Wade's breathing eventually evening out.

"Thanks," the merc croaks out, exhaustion evident in his voice. "I bet you want an explanation for that huh? Sorry for springing all of Wade's Problems ™️ on you all the sudden but hey new record of 11 months and 3 days before fucking over our relationship huh-" Wade knows he's rambling, but can't seem to stop until he's interrupted by Logan.

"Wade. You don't gotta explain anything to me right now, I get it." Logan reassures, and Wade supposes out of anyone on this earth Logan would be the most understanding of his situation.

“Just sleep, y’sound tired. I’ll be here when you wake up” Logan grunted, moving to pull the covers over Wade, hesitating slightly as he realizes the sheer domesticity of it all. Wade doesn’t seem to mind, accepting the tucking in (Logan is decidedly Not Thinking About it like that) and mumbling a quick thank you as he dozes off, Mary curled up against him.

Wade wakes up, disoriented as usual in the morning and pads over to the pullout that Logan has converted back into a couch and is reading on.

“Coffee’s in the pot” Logan says, in lieu of greeting, looking up from his book.

“Uh about last night- wow I’m really making it sound like we banged or something— NOT that I’m opposed to that you know but-“ Wade rambles, clearly nervous as he stands in front of Logan, who looks unfair levels of attractive in reading glasses (it’s the daddy issues, Wade thinks to himself).

“Bub I’m telling you it’s fine, you don’t own me an explanation or anything, I get it” Logan interrupts.

“Yeah I mean I want to tell you though. Just about yesterday. To explain” Wade replies while fiddling with his shirt collar and averting his gaze. God he wishes he had his mask on for this.

“It’s really stupid actually, it’s just the uh. The intrusive thoughts” Wade trails of starting to mumble. Logan doesn’t respond, waiting for the merc to continue.

“It’s just- it’s just the mission yesterday got me thinking about uh, touchy subjects. I didn’t mean to but I- it got me spiraling real bad huh? Guess I can’t even handle a mention of some things and I overreacted. It’s stupid and I’m already regretting this conversation ok gonna go shoot myself now bye!” Wade is in the middle of enacting dramatic escape route B when Logan interjects.

“Wade. Get back here and sit your ass down.” Wade guiltily backtracks and sits beside Logan, avoiding his gaze.

“Look, I’ve been through a lot. I get it if you don’t want to talk to me about it, but don’t say shit like that. That your triggers don’t matter or some bullshit. You’re the one always preaching to me about acceptance, hypocrite.” Logan reprimands, sighing as Wade shrinks into himself.

“Y’know I get nightmares too Wade, it’s normal to be touchy around certain subjects. I just want you to stop putting yourself down about this.” Wow is this Logan being emotionally intelligent for once? It must be really bad if the Wolverine has to call you out on it, Wade thinks.

“Ugh using my own words against me, curse you, past me!” Wade shakes his fist in the air. “And is that you getting mushy on me? Aw Wolvie I always knew you liked me!”

“Shut up, bub.” Logan shakes his head while smiling a little. “I’m being serious about this.”

Wade dramatically pretends to faint, “Oh my feelings! But if a hot dilf like you is saying that maybe I should listen” he adds, turning slightly to meet Logan’s eyes. The next part the Marc says with great difficulty.

“I’m not the best person, my moral compass is crushed by a 16 wheeler broken at best, and I look like a pug’s face wrinkles got STIs.” Logan tries to interrupt, but Wade shushes him. “My turn to speak. Yeah I’m fucked up but I guess we’re both dysfunctional in our own ways. I’m not fully ready to talk about everything that the universe decided would be funny to inflict on this poor bastard, but if I get out of line with my self deprecation at least you can put me back in line no?”

Wade continues, “Y’know I thought I was going to be alone. Just a sad, pathetic pile of cancer after all my friends leave me. I still believe that a little, but it’s not so bad now, with your immortality and 200 years old stuff and all.”

“Basically point is, I’m not getting over myself soon, but we could towards it together? God that sounded so cheesy, why would you write me like that author?” The merc laments.

Logan doesn’t quite understand what that last comment is about but nods to the former part, “‘S far as I’m concerned, you’re stuck with me for a while, bud” Logan smirks.

“And you’re saying that like it’s a bad thing? Ugh I would never grow tired of seeing those abs” Wade quipped back. “But yeah, thanks peanut. For being there and stuff.”

And while neither Wade nor Logan will truly escape their past or change their insecurities anytime soon, they have a long future ahead of them to figure it out. Together.

( I don’t know what possessed me, I do the know how to write conclusions and is it a coincidence I somehow projected masking and panic attacks onto Wade? Idk but if you made it to the end congrats! )

[madbard]

“Hunger is so heavy.”

I want to take a moment to rant about the role of hunger in Epic - specifically, the way nearly ever single saga is, at its core, a story about hunger and the way it affects us.

Let’s start with the Troy Saga. Odysseus’ men have won the war and are finally headed home when they run out of food. Upon discovering an island, Eurylochus immediately suggests they attack and take what they can. Right off the bat, the story associates hunger with violence. As we all know, Odysseus resists, and travels with Polites to the island of the lotus eaters - a society that has sacrificed their free will to slake their hunger for the glowing lotus fruits. If not for Odysseus recognizing the fruit, the crew could very well have met the same fate. Their hunger would have led to them losing their freedom forever.

Moving onto the Cyclops saga, the events of the Odyssey begin in earnest when Odysseus’ men slaughter Polyphemus’ sheep because they are starving. In response, Polyphemus decides to slaughter the entire crew and eat them instead - suddenly, theirs is not the only hunger that threatens their lives. The only reason they are able to escape is because Odysseus tempts Polyphemus with the “world’s best-tasting wine,” thus defeating the cyclops with his own thirst (I’m not going to differentiate between hunger and thirst here, as they are both intense physical cravings). Here, hunger is both a weakness and a threat. Giving in to hunger can lead to death and destruction, but hunger can also be used as a weapon, if you are clever.

Next up is the Ocean Saga. (This is where I start to seriously bend the definition of “hunger.”) This is the first saga in which food or lack thereof does not play a direct role. Here, Odysseus faces a new form of desire: exhaustion. Going back a bit, I described hunger as an intense physical craving for food. Well, what is exhaustion if not an intense physical craving for sleep? In this saga, Odysseus is given the chance to make it home. All he has to do is keep the storm trapped, and in order to do that, he has to stay awake. Odysseus resists his exhaustion for nine days, fighting off his desperate desire for sleep. But eventually, he relents and drifts off - which is when Eurylochus releases the storm and Poseidon kills all but 43 members of Odysseus’ crew. Once more, yielding to ‘hunger’ leads to tragedy.

Moving on to the Circe Saga, literal hunger plays a role yet again as Circe’s first move is to offer Odysseus’ men “something to eat.” The men soon discover that Circe enchanted their meal; upon eating, they are transformed into pigs - animals infamous for devouring anything in front of them. Here, hunger is portrayed as something animalistic, something which reduces the men from thinking, civilized beings to creatures, little better than livestock. Just a song later, though, Odysseus becomes powerful enough to face Circe when he consumes moly root. Notably, his consumption of this root was based on strategy, not hunger - a small but important distinction as it separates his consumption of the moly from his crew’s consumption of Circe’s meal. Wrapping up the Circe Saga, we have an entirely different kind of hunger as Circe offers to let Odysseus’ men go free if he shows his true colors in “acts of lust.” He refuses the promise of physical satisfaction because of his loyalty to Penelope, and in doing so, he earns Circe’s respect and assistance. Earlier in Epic, we were shown the power of hunger to inspire violence, tragedy and destruction. Here, we see it as an animalistic urge - the distinction between animals and men, then, is their capacity to resist such desires.

Writing this, the Underworld Saga was very frustrating for me because I could not find any significant references to hunger in any of the songs. Thinking back on it though, I wonder if that in itself is significant. The saga that takes place entirely in the world of the dead is the first saga not to heavily involve hunger or other forms of physical desire. Resisting hunger may be what distinguishes men from animals, but feeling hunger is what distinguishes the living from the dead.

Finally, we reach the Thunder Saga. The crew has run out of food for a final time, and in the grips of hunger, Eurylochus closes the cycle begun in the Cyclops saga when he slaughters the sun god’s cattle. At this point in the story, Eurylochus no longer believes they can return home. Eurylochus is exhausted, starving - he cannot bear to suffer any longer. Though Odysseus protests, Eurylochus insists that the crew cannot go on like this. They cannot survive much longer on these seas. His final defense as he slaughters the cattle? “I’m just a man.” The only person begging him to stop renounced his humanity in the Underworld.

Throughout Epic, hunger is a constant force. It inspires violence, steals free will. Submitting to it leads to tragedy, but it can also prove a powerful weapon. To resist it for a time is to be more than an animal. To feel it is to be alive. We cannot escape it forever, can’t fight it forever. In the end, we are bound by the needs of our fragile, ephemeral bodies. In the end, we must give in. And maybe, just maybe, that is what makes us human.

[razberrypuck]

thoughts on blink and runt 👀

runt wants so badly to be someone. she's confident and energetic and ambitious because she's been underestimated her entire life, and she's fucking sick of it! she's sick of being treated like a helpless child, and she's been treated that way thus far because of her health issues, NOT her behavior. runt grew up surrounded by people that love her so dearly, but they'll never take her seriously, because she's just a kid. she's small. she's weak. she has breathing problems. she's disabled. (uncle threestrings is a notable exception to this rule ;; he's always believed in her and encouraged her to tackle her goals head-on, which is nice to see )

that's why runt said fuck it and went off on her own. she's an engineer, and by definition, a problem solver. the street rats not giving her another chance -- won't even let her come BACK to their headquarters -- runt isn't going to let that discourage her, like they probably wished it would. if they don't need her, then why does she need them? who's going to stop her from chasing after what she wants? she's on a pursuit of knowledge absolutely, but she's also looking for a way to prove herself. she wants everyone that's ever doubted her to know she's runt, and she can take care of herself. and she's the smartest fucking person in this city. and she's going to do something amazing. she doesn't know WHAT that is yet. but she knows she will.

conversely, blink is someone that wants to be no one. if he had it his way, he would dissappear into the walls and never be seen again. always moving, because stagnation is very dangerous indeed. always running, because no matter what he does it feels like his past is right on his heels. blink doesn't grant himself the same confidence that runt and troy do, because he doesn't believe he deserves it. he's been trying his damn best to do good for the last fifteen years, because he's convinced whatever he did before then was unforgivable. I don't know that he WANTS to be forgiven necessarily, but he wants something. peace of mind, perhaps. but since whatever happened happened, he hasn't stopped running, not once. if he does, all of his problems, everything he did, it'll all catch up to him, crash down on him like a wave and drag him right back down to that dark part of his life. whether he realizes it or not, though, leaving his problems in the dust prevents him from ever coming to terms with them. but maybe he doesn't want that either.

he's an outcast because he cast himself out. all of his running and running and running -- there's no place for strong relationships there. most people just can't keep up. and blink knows he doesn't want to hurt anyone else.

troy, runt, and blink are all outcasts for different reasons. they're all completely different people with completely different goals and morals, but for better or for worse, they all live fast lives. for the thrill, to chase new opportunities, just to live another day --

whatever the case, they're the only ones that can keep up with one another.

[livwritesstuff]

This universe literally lives in my head rent free. I had another thought. How do the girls handle their relationships? I know as one of three daughters those dynamics change a LOT over the years, so I’m wondering how they manage their age differences and relationships over time? And how Eddie and Steve referee them?

ok so for reference:

Moe is born in july ‘01

Robbie is born november ‘03

Hazel is born september ‘06

(yes, i picked their star signs before i picked their birthdays - they are, respectively, a leo, a scorpio, and a libra)

So the age difference between Moe and Robbie is about 2 years, with ~3 years between Robbie and Hazel, and ~5 years between Moe and Hazel.

I think the general vibe of their collective dynamic really is the epitome of my sister is my best friend but also she’s the worst and I hate her. That doesn't change over time, but what does change is the way it gets expressed.

Moe was obsessed with Robbie when she was first born, and once Robbie was old enough to have her own opinions, she's equally obsessed with Moe. Robbie is definitely Moe's shadow for the first few years, and that only starts to shift when they're both in elementary school together, at which point they start to take on that quintessential love-hate-always bickering-with a tiny sprinkling of rivalry type of sibling relationship. The ebb and flow of this is one part of parenting three kids that only-children Steve and Eddie have a hard time keeping up with. There would be days when the girls were non-stop fighting, and then Steve would be like, “Moe, wanna go on a drive with me,” to, y’know, separate them for a bit, but then Moe would hit him with some major ‘tude like, “Just me? …why would we do that.”

There’s also definitely a psychological aspect to the sibling warfare that Steve and Eddie sometimes feel like they're two steps behind, so refereeing really just looks like keeping an eye on the metaphorical scoreboard (so to speak) and making sure it’s staying as even as possible (and breaking things up when it gets a bit too brutal).

Moe and Robbie circle back around to being buddies when they’re both in college – I have very very vaguely referred to how Moe and Robbie end up going to the same school, which is messy at first but it ends up being really good for them.

As for Hazel, when Steve and Eddie first introduced her as a newborn to her older sisters, Moe is basically like, “Thank you for the child. You may go,” whereas Robbie is definitely side-eying her like, “Uhhh I did not agree to this.”

That 5 year age gap between Moe and Hazel is enormous when Hazel was first born, and it continues to feel like a lot for a long time. Like, when Moe is learning how to drive, Hazel is still in elementary school, and she’s only twelve when Moe graduates high school. They spend their entire childhoods in completely different developmental brackets, and Hazel is definitely the baby to Moe while Hazel basically worships Moe and thinks she’s the coolest person on the planet. Then Hazel hits her high school years, and Moe, who's wrapping up college, is suddenly like, wait is Hazel cool? omg she’s *so* cool. That’s around when they stop feeling like they occupy totally different planets.

Because Robbie and Hazel are closer in age, their relationship looks a bit more like Robbie and Moe's. Hazel is basically just an avenue for Robbie to exert her own power in a way that Moe would never let her get away with. She’s definitely always pestering Hazel and teasing her and trying to push her buttons (and Hazel is so laid back that it really doesn’t bother her that much, which drives Robbie crazy in its own way). She’s super protective over Hazel though – both Robbie and Moe are very aware that Hazel is basically an angel, so the standard is very much *we’re* the only ones who get to mess with her.

I think Moe and Robbie might have a tendency to force Hazel to be a tie-breaker in their arguments, which is another facet of raising siblings that Steve and Eddie actually get involved in (to make sure she's not being completely steamrolled by her big sisters). Other than that, they mostly stay out of it. They've seen their kids go to battle *for* each other enough times to feel pretty confident that they'll make it through the times they're battling against each other.

[bi-bi-buckleys]

Can I just throw this out there after seeing that post and the reply to it:

We don’t know WHY Oliver never posted a picture of Lou. I think the immediate thought was “oh they must not get along” or “lol clearly Oliver hates Lou” and that just stuck but we genuinely don’t know?? Maybe they aren’t close (Lou pretty much said as much in that one interview where he said he didn’t really know Oliver that well), but why does that automatically mean hate? Neither of them have ever said anything negative about the other in interviews. It could just be that they weren’t close.

One could just as easily theorize that Oliver didn’t post photos of Lou out of worry that it could invite more negative comments. Oliver posts a photo of Ryan, and people comment weird shippy stuff, which is obnoxious I’m sure but it’s not hateful. If he posted a photo of Lou, I can imagine the results would be some people being happy to see them, and certain others being awful and gross and upping the hate. It wouldn’t be Oliver’s fault, but I personally would feel like I just made things worse.

Maybe Lou didn’t want his picture taken on set because of the death threats and hate. He doesn’t get those when he posts about SWAT, but god forbid if there was a pic by Oliver, that side of the fandom would froth at the mouth. Maybe he asked for Oliver to not post any and Oliver agreed not to. Maybe it’s the same thing for why no one stood up the hateful comments, the idea of “don’t give them attention, it’ll only make things worse.” Imagine if Oliver had said something with the hopes of making it stop, do any of us really see that as happening? He probably would have been harassed just as much, and Lou would have gotten more. Like the thought is nice, and the side of the fandom that doesn’t send hate would have been supportive, but the other side would have absolutely gone on the attack, directed at both of them.

Point is, we Just. Don’t. Know. We have so little real insight that any idea that gets tossed out could be legit. We could say they hatred each other, we could say they were indifferent to each other, we could say they didn’t want to spur on the more negative side of the fandom, hell we can say they didn’t interact on social media or post about each other because they’re dating and want to keep it a secret! All of it could be feasible because we have so little to go on. It’s just telling that a certain subsection of the fandom has decided it must be hate.

[lenseye]

Apeiron's Numerical Categorization

All screenshots are from Villenthessis on Youtube and all web event results are from me and the members of Reverse 1999 server

Ahem! So I wanna try something new today, and it's about how the Apeiron's categorizes arcanists and humans with numerical meanings with the help of lorechat members. This was explained by 37. Remember, these categorization are not determined by one's lineage. Let's go read, shall we?

"Integers are living example of virtues."

I'm guessing Integers are categorized for arcanists that possesses great knowledge or seen as someone who you can look up to as an example. Sonetto, Vertin, and APPLe are the examples of this.

"You are well-behaved, proactive, have excellent morals, and work hard to expand your set"

2. "Fractions can be understood through specific means."

This one line really piqued my interest because Lilya and Ms. Radio are categorized as Fractions. I was enlightened that you have to have a way of thinking to truly understand why Fractions act the way they are! No wonder Lilya has never been bothered by Abraxases or are ignored by the Apeirons while she wanders around.

"You are internally stable, confident, skilled in everything, and have your own set of behavioral logic"

3. "Irrational numbers are free spirits,"

Like it said, Irrational numbers are free spirits. They follow their own rules and most likely stubborn. Regulus is the only prime example of this because she broke 2 rules in the main story and got fucking wiped. Poor girl haha! XD

"You are spontaneous, free and "untraceable", with an unruly heart that follows its own rules."

4. "while imaginary numbers are the existence which doesn't belong to this dimension of the number axis."

So, to put it simply, imaginary numbers are just ordinary people. Humans. They don't care about us. That's it. :P

Ahh... It's been a while I ramble something more "productive", let's say haha! It's thanks to the lorechat members of the server I'm able to make this post. You wanna join the server? then go to #1999-story-spoiler when you're verified!

wanna overanalyze your faves? wanna constantly go off topic? wanna talk about your insane low rarity ship without being stoned by #help-question for not using meta? join lorechat today!

[realtapiocafan]

https://www.tumblr.com/realtapiocafan/772608693856583680/jjmarr

Ever wondered why he holds Tee so near and close his heart ?? This is why and the dynamics being completely different where Ja’Marr basically says he’s more relaxed and unguarded because, it’s not a competition with Tee 😭🥹

!!! I have. so many thoughts regarding justin and tee and their different relationships with ja'marr. i wrote a lotttt

ok, ja'marr and justin reallly were attached at the damn hip. we all talk about the handshake and the dances and shit, but like. they used to share airpods. airpods, for fuck's sake. and the slushie/icee thing? 😭 how many of us used to have dumb arguments like that with our friends? it's those little things that really define jjmarr for me, the things that you'd only do with someone you love.

all of that is beautiful on its own, but it makes the ending hurt even more, doesn't it? you used to talk everyday and do everything together, now you need to schedule around practices and time zones and it's so much work. and then you get home and you're tired and before you know it, you haven't talked to them in weeks.

ok, pardon me for going on a side rant here, but i did try to use the twitter interactions as like a microcosm of the entire jjmarr relationship, to show how a friendship that close can fade over time.

the first three tweets (bantering about practice, making fun of justin's first down celebration, sharing airpods) are all in the lsu era (2018-2019) when they were still doing dumb shit in practice and hanging out and coming up with their silly celebrations

the next three (justin rolling his eyes at ja'marr flipping, ja'marr teasing justin's attempt to get into the nba, reminiscing about what they used to do in practice) is set in 2020-21 (when justin was in the nfl and ja'marr was not). and you can see! they're STILL bantering. still making fun of each other with delight! but it's about what they used to do, not what they're doing now then.

then the last time ja'marr mentioned justin on twitter, was last year (before justin signed his extension and everyone thought he might go to a diff team). justin never responded (on twitter, at least.) again ja'marr's said a few times that justin's the one that doesn't answer his texts. while i take his words with a grain of salt, all of the throwback photos and birthday posts are from ja'marr. i catch myself thinking about justin's most toxic trait being communication all the time.

now, do i think justin is at fault for the 'breakup'? no, i really don't think so. unreliable narration aside, they live in different states, different timezones. they have different schedules, different practices. justin has a c, ja'marr doesn't (yet). justin is like, the sole Face of The Franchise, whereas ja'marr has joe to carry the burden with him. my point is: justin has a different life and different responsibilities and it's understandable that a friendship would fade under those circumstances. it's life. it happens.

but for ja'marr... you can know that it's perfectly natural for friendships to fade. you can know that it's not anyone's fault. you can know that's just how life goes. but it still hurts, because of what you shared together. the friendship was still there! the memories still exist! the love didn't last, but that doesn't mean that it didn't matter. it mattered! it mattered a lot!

justin changed ja'marr (and ja'marr changed justin!) like all friendships do and especially with college friendships. in college, we still have no idea what we're going to do, who we are, and that's fine, because that's what college is for. it's just... when you don't know who you are, how are you supposed to tell where you end and where your friend begins? (there's a reason why college friendships can sometimes seem almost codependent and why so many fade out. when you grow that close to someone, the only direction left is away.)

so, getting back to tee, anon. yes, i do think the past jjmarr weighs deeply in ja'marr's mind with the current tee situation. he's clinging onto tee with everything he has, because he already knows how easily his best friend can slowly slip out of his life. like arguably justin and ja'marr were just as close, if not closer, than he is to tee rn (ARGUABLY). and if justin can drift away from him... in ja'marr's experience with justin, once you're on different teams, it'll never be the same. it'll never be what it once was. so if it were up to him, he won't let tee go on a different team, won't let tee become a stranger the way justin has.

then the competitive aspect bc i DO also have lots of thoughts of that. above, i said justin changed ja'marr. if you look at videos and even tweets of ja'marr before college, it's like a different person. he just seems so much more shy and quiet in those old videos 🥺! a baby! i don't know exactly how to describe it, but he's definitely not confident the way he is now. i do think justin was one of the main reasons why this is the version of ja'marr that exists. there's a quote somewhere, that ja'marr had to speak up and demand the ball because justin was. because justin was there, ja'marr had to learn to speak up for himself and come out of his shell.

it's always a competition with justin and ja'marr, that's part of their relationship. maybe they'll forget about the slushies/icees, about the airpods, but that competitiveness will always be there, pushing each other to new heights. now, ja'marr knows himself. he knows the heights he's capable of reaching, and you can see that. would he be the same without that competitive aspect in his relationship with justin? i don't know. i don't think so.

but with tee, as much as i've compared jjmarr to teemarr in this post, they're two entirely different relationships. tee... ugh, how do i phrase this? tee's... tee's gentler than either justin or ja'marr. whereas justin's reaction to ja'marr leading in triple crown stats earlier this year was "don't count me out", tee's was "i'll get to tell my kids i played with a triple crown wr". justin pushes ja'marr. tee supports ja'marr. they both affect ja'marr, help him get better just in different ways.

jjmarr hits different for me, bc i just love that drifting-apart angst, but really, teemarr is so so very special. in lsu, justin helped bring ja'marr out of his shell. in cincy, i consider tee to be the safe place for ja'marr, away from all the cameras and reporters. it has to be a lot -the social media trolls, the talk show bs, even the expectations of the fans. i have thoughts of an overwhelmed rookie ja'marr being found and comforted by tee. because having that one person that you can lean on, that one person who gives you peace... that makes a world of a difference.

[jjtheresidentbaby]

i’m so glad other people see nick as a cg + regressor i thought i was the only one

flip nick is so very real to me! and I’m using this ask as an excuse to make a headcanon post lol

Flip Nick Nelson headcanons

tagging: @beachreg

warnings: talk of canon events, mental health issues etc

When Caring:

mainly takes care of Imogen, it was a routine they already had before Nick got with Charlie as they were in the same friend group and even back then Nick was one of the nicer of the bunch

Nick doesn’t talk about his caring side until Imogen is comfortable enough to tell the rest of the group that she regressss

on a few odd occasions Nick watches over Tao when Nick first joins the group and while Tao claims he doesn’t like it at first, he’s totally lying

Nick forms such a soft spot for Tao & the other littles in the group

he likes to talk to Tara about caregiver problems™️ and she’s always there with advice or to just listen for a bit

he’s such a sweet caregiver, always willing to research whatever his little is involved in or struggling with

he puts his all into caring and takes such pride in watching over others

always has snacks, fidget toys, journals, games, books and anything else a little could need on hand

keeps a spare first aid kit in his locker just in case (Tao is very clumsy & Elle isn’t there at school so nicks had to step in at times)

When Little:

Charlie & Elle are his main caregivers but occasionally Tara will watch over him

not super clingy when he’s regressed but he does enjoy getting his hair played with & holding hands

lovesssss to draw & color when small

he’s mesmerized by basically everything Charlie or Elle do, he swears they’re magic or something

massive sweet tooth while small - but he loves fresh vegetables too

he’s more secretive/shy about his little side

he can get very anxious while small and gets into his own head a lot

he has a set journal for when he’s small so he can try and ground himself by writing things out (even if it’s not all spelled correctly)

he’s been trying to befriend Tori since day one of being regressed at the spring household, it’s a slow battle but Tori’s definitely losing

he’ll slip pictures he drew under her door and run off with Charlie to watch from behind the corner as she opens the door and looks around

such an outdoorsy kid & finds any reason to be running around his backyard or taking a trip to the park

him & Tao will film “movies” while they’re both small and they force the whole friend group into preforming parts

somehow worse at drums while small and atrocious on the clarinet per trying Tara’s

of course loves rugby while small but he also likes to have Darcy play volleyball with him like on the beach

superhero movies/books are a must while he’s small!

as much as Charlie complains about it, he indulges Nick and watches the marvel movies with Nick

he somehow gets Darcy & Imogen into them too and they all start to play superhero’s together

him & Imogen don’t regress together a lot as Nick likes to keep his little side & caregiving side pretty separate but when they do it absolutely Chaos with a capital C

can either be super well behaved or pretty mischievous

he offers to egg Ben or Harry’s house at least once a week while small

[arreat]

(I love projecting into characters <33333)

Sometimes when Wade can’t find any media to occupy his attention or fully focus on something, he gets a little restless. This is fine and all, until it’s been 4 FUCKING HOURS and wow he needs that dopamine hit soon or Bad Things ™️ will happen!!!

Unfortunately, doomscrolling for hours isn't helping, and Wade can't seem to put his mind to cleaning his guns/knives either. After a while, it’s the unbearable restlessness that hits first. He feels the need to pace around, rock back and forth, flip a baby knife in his hands, anything really to get him moving. It gets to the point where Wade feels like he’s gonna crawl out of his skin (usually he would look favorably upon getting out of HIS skin in particular) and his lack of focus is making him antsy. But Wade can be Normal about this! He just needs to do something he knows will get his attention, like looking at his dear child Mary Puppins.

Nope. Not working.

Wade can't seem to shake the brain fog that's preventing him from doing anything, really; nothing is letting him focus giving him that rush of dopamine, even annoying Logan. (who is valiantly trying to ignore him, rude). The feeling of agitation has evolved like some sort of fucked up pokemon into a deep-rooted discomfort, he needs to do something with his energy NOW or he's gonna start redesigning the apartment's interior into a maximalist-meets-backalley-murder type vibe (blood, guts and all). Wade resorts to aggressively banging his head on the edge of the kitchen counter to get it to factory reset or something so he can go back to his baseline normal but nothing is working, which is not very nice of his brain.

Logan eventually looks up from his whatever he's doing (Wade has no clue as he is currently debating whether he should just blow his head off) after hearing the dull, rhythmic thumping of merc skull on counter (Wade thinks he should record this and use it as the beat for this cool new song he just thought of). He knows Wade gets antsy sometimes, but its never been this bad. Logan decides he should probably do something to stop the godawful sound of human skull integrity testing, as it was interrupting his reading (and totally not because he didn't like seeing Wade hurt himself, or because he actually cared for the merc despite their regen factor no hahaha who would think that?)

Logan sighs as he walks to stand in front of Wade, "Wade. You're gonna get blood on the walls and I ain't cleaning up after your mess," he growls. Wade perks up as he hears his name, face visibly brightening as Logan continues, "D'you wanna go to that abandoned parking lot and go a couple rounds? Fighting I mean." he hastily adds on as he sees Wade open his mouth to say something suggestive, no doubt.

"I knew it! You definitely had a thing for fighting, admit there was a little sexual tension in that Honda," Wade chirps, briefly pausing his endeavors to lobotomize himself blunt-force style as Logan crosses his arms, unimpressed. "And to answer your question, I would L O V E to do a Honda Odyssey 2: Electric Boogaloo with you babygirl, I thought you'd never ask! Lemme throw on my suit and we can go do the second most blood-forward foreplay I've ever had the honor participating in, not the first I'm afraid but we can change that!"

Wade quickly scampered to grab his suit as Logan grabbed a change of clothes for the two; unfortunately walking around with various organs and bodily fluids, not telling which, strew across your clothing would get the police called which was always a pain to deal with.

(The two then proceeded to walk to the deserted lot and beat the shit out of each other until Wade felt a lot better, as he finally didn't feel restless and uncomfortable. And if they kissed afterwards while covered in copious amounts of blood while high on endorphins and adrenaline, Logan would never admit how much he was into it.)

[pouroverpaloma]

paloma I have revivified my tumblr from its decade-long sleep to beseech you: please talk about Rolan with me because I have Thoughts® and Feelings™ such as: As the eldest sibling do you think he has an oversized and detrimental sense of responsibility that continues to impact him negatively? like during his apprenticeship, do you think he actively avoided Cal and Lia to stop them from either storming the tower themselves or worrying over him when they were supposed to be enjoying being safe in the city, etc. do you think that sense of responsibility extends to Tav or is Tav the person that makes him feel like he doesn't HAVE to be in charge and on top of everything.

also this is hazelrah on ao3!!! I cannot stop commenting on your fics to save my life

Omg hi Hazel!!! ♥️ both Thoughts® AND Feelings™, what a treat you’ve brought for me

As a preface, I’m of the opinion that Lorroakan intentionally isolated Rolan. That’s one of the reasons Lorroakan didn’t let Cal and Lia stay in his fuck-off massive tower. Narcissism and disdain for others also drove that decision, because he’s an asshole, but I really think Rolan can’t be the first apprentice he’s abused. He knew he could never break Rolan’s will if his siblings were there to support him, and, let’s be real, Lia would clearly kill him with hammers the moment he raised a hand to Rolan. He had to get him completely alone.

As for Rolan—I think his gut knew right away that something was very, very wrong with his apprenticeship, even if intellectually he’d talked himself into staying. I think he did the time-old dance of hiding abuse from your loved ones because you don’t know how to explain it, you think you can’t leave, and you’re frankly embarrassed it’s happening to you at all. Imagine him talking about his apprenticeship back in the grove, right? Now imagine him behind the counter in act 3. The whiplash between his aspirations of greatness and the awful reality of life in the tower must have been extraordinarily soul-crushing, on top of everything else. And he just couldn’t let them see that he’d dragged them all to Baldur’s Gate on a false promise.

All that to say: I imagine Rolan told himself that hiding the truth from Cal and Lia was for their own good, but really, he was ashamed and afraid of failing to make them proud.

Because yeah, he feels way more responsible for them than they could ever know or understand. He’s convinced that he has to earn his place in their family by demonstrating his utility. Rolan is caught in that awful trap of trying to deserve what he already has. It’s a self-defeating cycle because there’s no end state: he already has Cal and Lia’s unconditional love from the very start, so nothing he does can ever make him feel like he “achieved” it. He can run himself into the ground trying to earn their love, but he already has it and he’s too caught up in his own self-loathing to see it.

The thing that finally gets his head out of his ass, of course, is Tav. We see him starting to make the turn at the end of the game, when he’s master of the tower and stepping into his confidence, but from there, I think falling in love really shakes his foundations. It forces him to begin to self-reflect in a way he’s never been emotionally safe to do before.

As for how all of this plays out once they’re together! I think their dynamic is a case of unstoppable force versus immovable object. I think he’s going to devote himself to taking care of absolutely everything for them (because nothing could ever be Good Enough for Tav but goddamn it he’s going to try anyway) and Tav is going to devote themselves to taking care of absolutely everything for him (because Rolan deserves rest and gentleness and adoration maybe more than anyone ever has). This kind of all-consuming care manifests in different ways for each of them, some complementary, some adversarial. They get nauseatingly competitive about it but the sex is phenomenal.

And finally—after a while—he begins to understand that he doesn’t have to handle everything by himself in order to be lovable. He can let go of the reins and let Tav be capable sometimes, and it actually makes Tav happy when he does. Somehow, the sex gets even better.

[mikunology]

hello! really love this au!!! i was wondering if u have any documentation on how the CVs’ mechanics and such work? like schematics or something? i also wonder if there is any artwork of what it looks like when they’re charging or shut down or related robotic tendencies. it really fascinates me and i love to see if there’s any lore u had in mind for that!

hello, thank you for checking out my work ;v; oh gosh...tbh, I kiiiinda did have some notes about the Cryptons' schematics once upon a time but they're more than likely outdated X'D

I have a general idea of their mechanics and stuff, but I never wrote it down since I'm really bad parsing out science-y stuff and I get really indecisive...and it already took me 10 thousand years to finally nail down the superpower lore X'D so. (this is not making me look like a good worldbuilder or storyteller in the absolute slightest)

To answer some of your other questions, though: in regards to how they look when off or charging, when charging they usually just look like they're asleep! Which they kind of are, mostly. It's easier and quicker to charge when they're in sleep mode. When they're shut down, however, especially when it's unexpected, it's kinda like this:

Their eyes and all of their accessories (headphones, sleeves, etc) go dim, and of course, they no longer move. (It's kinda bizarre seeing them like that when you aren't used to it.)

I'd mentioned it on this blog before, but I guess for a little tidbit about their mechanics: the large button on their headphones acts as an ON/OFF button, and their sleeves/the panels in their arms act as control panels, status displays, and contain some other functions like holographic video call. Both areas also have jacks where they can plug into other devices.

Lastly, I did have this old doodle of Meiko with Miku when she was still unfinished:

And since I'm on a little break, take a new doodle of the twins in the maintenance room.

[igottalottabugsinmysoup]

hmmm maybe I should discuss my Max headcanons on here.

-I think he came from a pretty well-off family and never had to worry about paying for college and stuff, he has nepotism links (aunt who works at the BBC)

-That being said I feel like his parents didn’t pay him enough attention as a kid and that’s the reason he’s constantly hamming up his performance for the applause of the audience

-His parents often argued in front of him throughout his childhood so now whenever the other cast members (*cough cough* Chris and Robert) argue about anything Max gets a little emotional

-He eats the same breakfast every day

-I don’t know if he canonically has siblings but saying this as an only child he reminds me of me in that sense. So Max is an only child now

-Which makes my first point even worse. He didn’t have the excuse of having siblings to compete with. Max’s parents just didn’t have time for him

-His dad probably wanted him to become a businessman or something of the like, and completely wrote him off when Max joined the Cornley Drama Society

-I believe I saw on the wiki that Max was studying Human Geography and Crime when he joined the Society, which could add to that somewhat as his dad might have seen it as a “pointless endeavor”

-You can clearly tell that that man REALLY enjoys acting, so I feel like he looked at a list of stuff to join and thought “…..hmmm………..drama! :D” and the rest is history

-He’s good friends with everyone in the Society. Kind, funny, considerate… even with his clowning around, Max is a crucial piece that keeping the Society ticking (if you could call it that)

[likeawildflower]

Hope on the Stage - Los Angeles, Day 2 - My ramblings about the concert

This may not be coherent or in order, it’s just my general impressions and random details.

Note: I became ARMY in September 2022 so I haven’t seen BTS live yet. I did go to Yoongi’s concert in LA in May 2023. (Maybe I’ll post a delayed reaction to Yoongi’s concert at a later date.)

—

ARMY did the wave! Someone next to me said, “Wait for it!” as the wave headed to our section and then when it hit, we rose from our seats to join the wave. Woohoo!

About a minute before Hobi took the stage, ARMY chanted “JHope! JHope! JHope!” and I imagined how Hobi felt hearing that chant. I liked to think he felt pumped and was smiling widely. Or maybe that was just me. 😁

When Hobi hit the stage, I watched the video screens in the background and then realized I didn’t have to watch the video screens, I could watch him live. On the stage. Because he was there! Right in front of me! Well, not right in front of me because I was up in the cheap seats lol. But I was seeing him in person! My heart did a flip as the realization sank in. This was real and it was happening. Hobi live!

Well, not Hobi but Hoseok at the start. He had that persona that commanded attention. He really was meant for the stage. I knew his stage presence was strong but it was amazing to see it live. He hit it so hard.

When he introduced himself as JHope of BTS, my heart melted. 🥹💜 (It’s heartwarming to hear any member say “… of BTS” because they could focus on being solo, especially when they’re doing a solo performance or solo tour, but they include the group because it’s an important part of who they are. And it feels like they’re bringing the members along with them for support.)

My god, that man can DANCE. Yes, obviously but wow! He had this ease of movement, like his body flowed so smoothly and naturally, and also a coiled precision when he brought out the energy and intensity. And the sexiness. (There was a lot of screaming when he busted out some sexy moves. Well, to be honest, there was a lot of screaming period. But more so during his sexy moves.) I could tell how much he enjoyed being on stage when he danced.

There was one point in the concert where he said he felt safe with ARMY. That resonated with me because as I mentioned in a prior post, I felt so safe and comfortable at his concert, like I was HOME. And it was good to know we gave him that feeling because I’m sure there were times in his life when he felt unsure or unsafe.

Hobi when it started: “Am I in heaven? Because I’m surrounded by angels!” Lol, what a charmer.

Hobi when it ended: “ARMY! You guys are fucking fire!” Swearing Hobi was fun! And yes, he was stating facts. 🔥

Miguel was there. When Miguel sang his part of Sweet Dreams, I thought his mic cut out at first but maybe he decided to let ARMY sing his part. That song was even more beautiful when I heard it live.

After singing Mona Lisa, Hobi ran his fingers in front of his Mona Lisa belt buckle, like he was showing it off. It was very shiny and sparkly. And so were his pants. 😁

The raised platform in the middle of the stadium was so cool but smaller than I thought so I got a little worried, like ‘okay, be careful, Hobi’. Lol, I felt like his mom. Hobi in the spotlight in the middle of ARMY with all the ARMY bombs lighting up as he sang and danced on that platform was a sight to see. Goosebumps, absolute goosebumps. And the stage designs were a visual feast too. I thought I’d pay more attention to them but Hobi held my attention, as he should.

Oh, the Bapsae hip thrusts! And then the drop split and moving back up again. Damn, Hobi! (How? How does he do it so well?)

There were “JHope! JHope! JHope!” chants throughout the concert, especially during lulls when the stage went dark after a few numbers. That kept the energy going. And of course, there was barking at intervals.

And then came the intro to MIC Drop. The screams, OMG the screams! The energy was already high and it went stratospheric when that intro came on. Aaaaaaah, the BTS fan chant! I almost cried and missed screaming Namjoon’s name. Oops. It was a good thing ARMY did the fan chant twice. Kim Namjoon! Kim Seokjin! Min Yoongi! Jung Hoseok! Park Jimin! Kim Taehyung! Jeon Jungkook! BTS!

My world narrowed down to that song and I was alternately watching Hobi and singing and dancing along. And holding my breath as I waited for that one moment to scream “Mianhae eomma!” along with ARMY. What a rush!

During the break, they showed the fan posters as usual. Lol, the Wow meme, where a pic Hobi doing the 😮 face as the O in the middle of the two W’s. One poster said: JHope saved my life. Awww. I was very happy to see the BTS posters and banners: a BTS is 7 poster, a banner of their pic together after Jin’s discharge (where Hobi was so red), a banner with their pastel pic with the pink and purple colors, etc.

“I really don’t want to go home.” Hobi said it towards the end of the concert and I understood that feeling so well. Stay, please stay, don’t go yet.

The duality of Hoseok and Hobi really came through in his concert. His fire, intensity and stage presence (and sexy moves) mixed in with his ease, lightheartedness and happiness at being on stage. Also, he chose his stage outfits well to reflect those aspects of himself. His dancing was so smooth yet precise and it was a joy to watch him do what he loves. And to see him smile.

I didn’t take a lot of pics and vids because I wanted to savor some moments without interruption. And I got lost in a few moments where I felt like I was in a bubble of joy.

And I will end this long ramble with what I posted after getting back from Hobi’s concert: I have never felt more comfortable at a concert in my life. What I mean is, he made me feel like I was HOME, safe and comfortable and also energized and enjoying every moment. I watched him own the stage and I felt so light inside and it was just so GOOD. He really is sunshine.

[angst-is-love-angst-is-life]

The whump in Escape from Earth-2 is just so interesting (as someone who’s watched it countless times and is currently watching it again). Here’s some thoughts (coherence will vary):

Jay goes completely still whenever Zoom shows up (aside from some shaking). Makes me wonder if he has a freeze response tbh.

Jesse on the other hand, backs away as much as she can, even trying to hide behind the pillar she’s chained to. And holy shit she looks so terrified— how could this trauma be swept under the rug so horribly??? Sigh

And godssss I have so many thoughts about Barry in this episode but I’ll just say a few *narrator voice* She did not, in fact, say ‘a few’. His Enter Zoom trauma is definitely in the background of this episode and the scene at the end of Welcome to E2. He’s so clearly scared, not just for himself but for Jesse, every time Zoom shows up and he tries to hide it (not very successfully imo). And he doesn’t actually talk to Zoom until Zoom enters his cell. Now there could be any number of reasons for that but I think it’s cause he couldn’t risk provoking Zoom into hurting Jesse (or Jay), but once Zoom was in his cell, he knew he’d be the one paying for it if he did. (Though that moment’s also when he figured out how to escape, and we know that Barry gets a little cocky when he thinks he has the upper hand— tbh I think it was a combo of those factors). Also don’t get me started on how Barry doesn’t even try to fight Zoom (in any of the scenes) because he knows he can’t beat him. (And again— he can’t risk Zoom hurting anyone. His nightmare where Zoom kills Patty comes to mind… You can’t tell me he didn’t have more of those. You can’t tell me he didn’t have at least one nightmare of Zoom dropping Cisco off that roof. And guess who’s right there in the lair in that scene). Anyways.

When Zoom phases into Barry’s cell, Jay shakes his head a little bit, almost like he knows exactly what’s going to happen. Filing this under ‘evidence that Zoom tortured Jay’

A Jay moment that absolutely stabs my heart is about half a second after Barry runs out of Zoom’s lair. First, he kind of hit his fist to the glass a little bit, in sync with Barry. Then Barry runs off and he gives the glass another small hit, and after that his head lowers ever slightly and he slumps a little bit into the glass— gods just watch the scene I can’t explain it well enough but GODS IT HURTS— SOMEONE GIVE HIM A DAMN HUG. Everyone else got away, but he was left behind with Zoom. I’m just *lies face down on the floor and sobs*

AND DON’T THINK I’M DONE TALKING ABOUT JESSE. “I used to think I could escape too… but there’s no way out.” Does anyone else remember that she was tied to the ceiling of her cell with rope at first? Just how unlikely is it that she got out of that rope and tried to escape? But Zoom caught her, threw her back in the cell, and made sure she couldn’t do that again by using a chain/manacle instead. Of course she’d feel hopeless after that. Nope I’m not done. Remember how defiant, how confident she was in the very beginning too? “[Harry]’ll find me, he’ll save me, and then he’ll kill you.” We know that Zoom canonically tortured her, and of course, that’s the quickest way to squash out defiance but still. That transition from anger and defiance, to that fear we see when Cisco vibes her off of Harry in Enter Zoom, to the Earth-2 episodes where she’s completely hopeless and just resigned to her situation (until Barry talks to her at least). It’s just so whumpy all the way around and I want to hug her.

Alright and now I have to circle back to Barry because THIS SCREENCAP—

I could look at this all day. GODS. The LONGING. He’s seeing Harry and Jesse reunite, and he’s happy for them, of course, but at this point he doesn’t think he can get out. Killer Frost hasn’t unfrozen Jesse’s manacle so he doesn’t see any other options or possibilities except for everyone else to escape— and leave him behind. He wants to get out so so bad, he wants to leave with them and go home but he doesn’t think he can. In this moment, to him, it’s either they leave without him or Zoom shows up and kills them all. And if it comes down to his everyone elses’ safety and lives versus his own— there’s no choice to make.

[rimeswithpurple]

Thank you @roomwithanopenfire, @talentpiper11 & @blackberrysummerblog for the tags! Everyone had a bit of a lie in this morning, the Little Purples and I went to see a Shakespeare on the Bluff performance of Much Ado About Nothing last night. I'm honestly surprised they made it through the whole thing since they didn't follow any of the plot, but they were very excited that the audience was encouraged to cheer, boo or shout out. Littlest Purple had the best time booing at the villain and even yelled "no" when Benedict proposed to Beatrice and that earned her a laugh from everyone around us.

I got quite a bit of drawing done! The line work on my COAR artwork is done and I'm so thrilled with it. I'm a sucker for detail and I had a lot of fun getting the Oxford shoes just right. I'm finishing up art for chapter 2 of my COBB. I have to stop myself from illustrating every scene, my partner has written so many scenes that beg to be illustrated! I've also been playing around with a fandom tattoo idea. The bun Baz looks so lonely and I really should get him shaded in too!

Side note, I've found myself listening to @youarenevertooold's podfic for Bazlow's Hierarchy of Needs every night when I sit down to draw. It's so funny and a chaotic Dev really is the best kind of Dev! If you haven't checked it out, you definitely should!

Simon's birthday is such a fun time of year and I loved seeing everyone's posts! I thought I might include some fun facts about my birthday spread below the cut, in addition to the tags

-I keep a journal of my baking and I had jotted down my pie in the sky idea for this year's birthday bake just hours after posting the butter cake last year. I never expected to be able to hit every item, but I surprised even myself and the only thing I didn't do was add flecks of edible gold paint to the petit fours

-I already have next year's bake plotted out and I think it's even bigger

-I had asked for a Fortnum & Mason hamper for my birthday after having read Snow for Christmas. I've given them as very special gifts in the past, but Daphne's love of it reminded me that I love it too!

-The pouring fondant for the petit fours can sense your fear and it's unforgiving. You have to commit to pouring it evenly and quickly because you only get one shot. My family was delighted to eat the rejects

-My hands were red for two days because I foolishly didn't wear gloves when I was making the wings and tails

-I mixed in little chunks of almond paste with the sour cherry scones and it was the best thing ever

-The checkerboard cookies were a reference to the battenburg cake I made last year

I have so much fun doing these birthday bakes! I love that it brings other people joy and the lovely comments I get mean the world to me! Although, I think from now on I may only do birthday bakes for Simon and Baz

Now, on to the tags!

@messofthejess @valeffelees @artsyunderstudy @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @youarenevertooold @bookish-bogwitch @facewithoutheart @thewholelemon @larkral @run-for-chamo-miles @fiend-for-culture @cosmicalart @mooncello @that-disabled-princess @cutestkilla @noblecorgi @iamamythologicalcreature @best--dress @emeryhall @ileadacharmedlife @drowninginships @supercutedinosaurs @whatevertheweather @rbkzz @ebbpettier @theimpossibledemon @katatsumuli @thehoneyedhufflepuff @theearlgreymage @theotherhufflepuff @onepintobean @orange-peony @hushed-chorus @fatalfangirl @ic3-que3n @bazzybelle @nightimedreamersworld @martsonmars @aristocratic-otter @shrekgogurt @monbons @alexalexinii @prettygoododds @ivelovedhimthroughworse @raenestee @skeedelvee

[grubbymunchkin]

Fuck it, I'm bored. Here's my trans Soldier back story headcanon (that I didn't wanna share in case it got stolen before I could write a fic)

Soldier's real name is not 'Jane Doe', but it stuck with him cuz he didn't wanna tell the government his dead name. To this day he doesn't understand that they kept calling him 'Jane Doe' instead of 'John Doe' (the names the government gives to unidentified persons) because they were being transphobic and trying to get a rise out of him at the time (they failed).

He was born into a very rich, posh, snooty family in Georgia that didn't give a shit about him bc he was the third out of 4 children (an older sister and brother, and younger sister) and he was kind of the weird one. Sweet little ADHD gremlin got little to no attention from his parents, and he often resulted to making loud noises and screaming to be heard. Was regularly beaten as punishment, and (like Scout) learned to associate physical punishment with 'people caring about you'. He was also punished with stuff like being made to sleep outside on the lawn, destroying his things, made to watch as they killed his dog(a stray named Sarge he had rescued), etc. Also he had glue ear when he was little that went untreated for over a year (leading to lasting hearing difficulties and health issues)

He idolized his extremely patriotic older brother who went to military camp at 17, hoping to go to war. Soldier would bombard him with letters demanding every little detail. Was always being compared to his older sister being the perfect daughter (married out at 19), and they didn't talk much and didn't always get along. His younger sister did all that nasty beauty pageant shit (they tried to get Soldier to do it, he didn't like it and would bury the dresses in the backyard in protest)

Never learned how to do many simple tasks like making himself dinner, instead opting to snack on raw ingredients or go outside and chew on leaves. He would have learned cooking and cleaning and sewing at the boarding school he was sent to, but he had a habit of escaping and hiding in a fort in the junk yard. His vivid imagination kept him busy pretending to be a soldier in war.

His parents eventually got so fed up with him that they kicked him out (he stole a firecracker and lit it up the chimney 'for America') and he ran off to find his brother and go to military camp. Was laughed at and told 'girls can't be in the army'. His brother was similarly opposed to him joining the army at first, but Soldier managed to convince him of his love for America and God and desire to fight for it, so the older brother helped him look like a guy and get in Mulan style

Lasted a few days before a particularly nasty group of teens started picking on him and eventually figured out he wasn't born a guy. They tried to blackmail him, he killed them, and with the help of his brother made it look like they were actually spies or something. Both got a little mock medal. Soldier was very happy but his brother was pissed, saying that it had been way too close and Soldier needed to go. Soldier bluntly refused, to which his brother got really mad and said some things he didn't mean and even threatened to out him himself.

Angry but so far undefeated, Soldier applied to every branch of the military that he possibly could, but thanks to the period typically transphobia and the fact that he didn't know how and didn't want to do the menial jobs that women in the army typically did, was rejected. Soldier was living on the streets at 19, still trying to look masculine, when he met Medic. Medic wasn't exactly living on the streets, but bouncing around different countries mainly to try and get away from the war (I have my own theories on Medic's backstory; Nazis didn't like him but Americans didn't like him either bc he was German). Anyway Medic needed an assistant for his research: an American who could get away with walking down the street or opening his mouth without being accused of being a spy.

Soldier was hesitant at first, but luckily didn't know about the war (and didn't even really understand that Medic wasn't American). Medic managed to convince him, promising pay, a place to sleep, and a number of favours in return. Soldier also managed to talk Medic into giving him gender affirming surgery, which Medic was all too happy to do for him. The pair lived together in a hidden workshop, Soldier would go outside to get parts and patients, and Medic would stay inside working on various inventions. Medic was somewhat surprised that Soldier didn't know how to make food, but figured that since he did (self taught) and was stuck inside all day anyway he would make meals for them both.

Eventually, thanks to a stranger on the street cheering that the war was over, Soldier caught on that there was an actual war going on and that it wasn't just some glorious, ever present abstract concept. Somehow failing to catch that it was OVER in his excitement, Soldier went back to Medic to suggest that they go together to get in on the fighting. Medic, also unaware that the war was over since Soldier was his only news outlet, absolutely refused. The last thing he needed was to get killed in battle, but he still needed Soldier to be his assistant. He tried to trick Soldier into staying, which backfired and Soldier just ended up going by himself and leaving Medic behind. (Medic got out of America himself and later met Spy) (I like to think the team fortress mercs weren't actually 'hand picked', they were the only ones Saxton could get for cheap, and at least half of them were only hired because Spy was like 'hold up I know a guy')

Soldier stole a rocket launcher from the army, went to Poland, killed a bunch of innocents by accident (that bit's actual canon lore btw), then went back to America, looked for Medic for a bit but found Merasmus instead. Later after Medic got recruited to Mann.co, he recommended Jane Doe for the 'Soldier' class. Miss Pauling tracked Soldier down and got him to join (the 'gravel war' bit sold him), and the rest is history.