#wow maybe i am fucked up
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🪱✨food for the worms✨🪱
#actually bpd#bpd problems#bpd vent#actually borderline#actually mentally ill#bpd fp#bpd#bpd shitposting#bpd favorite person#bpd mood#ngl being worm food seems kinda romantic#wow maybe i am fucked up#oops
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Ghost after meeting Soap.
Price : Have you slept?
Ghost : Depends what day it is
Price : Go to bed.
#cod mw2#simon ghost riley#captain john price#implied ghostsoap#implied soapghost#ghost is a catboy by the way#Soap is more complicated because he's a cat person and doesn't like dogs but also he's very dogboy leaning personality wise#dad price for the win even if he's only old enough to be big brother price; he's 50 spiritually according to his 'kids'#price would be like 'ok do you want to talk about it?'#and ghost would look at him like 'what do you mean “talk about it” what happened to bottle it up like normal people?'#“i'll just forget all about it” ghost tells himself#and then soap is bumping into him in the corridor and smiling up at him with the power of the fucking sun and wow ghost is in love fuck#i was supposed to draw something for valentine's day but my brain was all no : funny scene first but now it's 9:30 am and i haven't slept#maybe expect something for valentine's day at some point - probably not today tho but like at some point this week maybe ?
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still stuck on porjai, visibly pregnant, flirting with night
who fucking goes for it
i only know the asian culture i grew up in, obviously, and not thai culture. but the social stigma of being unmarried and pregnant? and having the nerve to still be flirting?? that's not the Good Girl thing to do, and i remember the way the Not Good Girls were treated and talked about where i grew up
so porjai actively trying to get dates? night finding out she's pregnant with her ex's kid and just. being fine with that? big deal to me
#last twilight the series#am i stating the obvious? maybe i'm just stating the obvious#because if you 'fucked up and got yourself pregnant' then you'd better hang your head in shame#flirting? with a nice boy? when you're in *that* condition? shame on you he deserves better#can't say i've ever given much thought to this type of scenario popping up in my gay little shows but#shocked to see it happen#i know moonlight chicken had a pregnancy storyline but those two were already together. and planned to get married#this is a different thing#and it genuinely makes me emotional#wow i sound VERY bitter huh#oops
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I cannot imagine being a Damian stan right now. You've got both Zdarsky's bullshit (where he clearly doesn't give a shit about your boy) and The Boy Wonder (where Juni Ba clearly gives so many shits about your boy) coming out on the same day. The whiplash must be insane. I hope y'all get some nice warm soup for your efforts jfc
#damian wayne#damian al ghul#damian al ghul wayne#batman#batfamily#for all of the issues that come with having Steph as your fave having too much wild shit happening at once is never one of them#btw I quite like The Boy Wonder Issue 1. wow shocker an artist and writer who I have liked everything they've ever done#has once again written something that I am enjoying with art that makes me want to be part of its world.#it's almost like Juni Ba is really freaking talented or something#like I have some problems with it but it seems like many of those are part of the point. Damian is learning that his siblings are more#three-dimensional than he realized and that is part of this 'coming of age' story merged with fairytale#so I can't be mad at the oversimplistic defining of Dick and Jason and Tim until the conclusion of the series. that might be the point.#I hope that the series will address Steph as a Robin but if not then frankly it's not an issue unique to this series.#I'll be annoyed and disappointed but ultimately roll with it like I am with Babsgirl being here. There's too much good stuff here to get#hung up on shit that seems to be almost an editorial mandate at this point. at least that's where I'm at.#I am also very sorry that Chip Zdarsky is massacring your boy. he has 'X (Tim for him) is the best Robin so everyone else must suck' diseas#where a writer really likes one specific Robin and in trying to uplift them demeans all of the other Robins. instead of like...just writing#for that one character only or alternatively not demeaning the other characters in order to make his blorbo look good#it's wild because I actually think his writing for Tim is pretty solid. but he's not writing a Tim series. he's writing a Batman series.#and if you are going to write a Batman series and include other Batfamily members you need to actually write them well.#instead of assigning them like 2 personality traits while Tim gets to be a whole character#I accept that behavior in fanfic where I have lesser standards because it's fucking free. not a comic run that wants me to pay#tens of dollars in order to understand what the fuck is going on. he's been going for a while now it's gotta be a lot of money.#I can buy Steelworks with that money. I can see John Henry and Natasha Irons in a trade. Fuck you Chip.#it's why it takes such a special person to write a good ensemble story/a good Batfamily story. you have to be good at writing a LOT#of different characters. which I don't think most people are. I sure as hell am not. I can write maybe 3 at a time confidently well.#and you also have to give all of them at least SOME love or else people will be upset that you aren't focusing on their fave#and also the writing as a whole will suffer. Chip Zdarsky is a pretty good Tim writer. I'd maybe read a Tim solo written by him.#I would not read a story focusing on multiple characters that I like written by Chip Zdarsky. because every character who isn't Tim#is at least a bit weak/inconsistent/out of character INCLUDING FUCKING BATMAN. THE NO. 1 GUY MOST ARE HERE FOR
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🎤 day 169 🎵
➥ today’s akito is a card redraw by me of akito’s “well-known big shot” 1☆!
➥ i apologize…for creating this….
➥ when i realised a My Art Monday™ would be coinciding with day 169, i figured i would do a redraw as a nod back to day 69. i’m going to be real with you guys. i know at least one of you is a drawfee fan and will understand when i say that i had this one in me. it has an Energy that i’m not entirely sure the origin of. but it sure happened.
➥ including the sketch on this one cause I think that’s truly where the Energy was
#mostly avoided extra headcanons but i couldnt resist the eyebrow piercing#my-akitos#akito shinonome#project sekai#prosekai#pjsk#prsk#seriously does this need some kind of warning?#tw eyestrain#maybe?#ask to tag#also for those familiar with the daily vitamin blogs#there is currently no plans for “lore” and there probably never will be?#i dont really want to do horror on this blog. the glitch is just to make the image crazier#saying that like bloodborne doesn’t live rent free in my mind#and i’m not getting closer and closer to drawing akito in djura’s outfit every day…#have i made it clear yet i think of a lot of aus? and that most of them are crossovers?#wow this really is an insane post#i’m finishing drafting this at like 2 am so if these seems as crazy and all over the place as I think it does that might be why#i gotta stop staying up so late tho i have the dreaded 7 am classes this upcoming semester#i need like a fucking talking tag for this ramble hot damn#daily akito
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MARIONMORSE, DROP ANOTHER HELMETPARTY SCENARIO AND MY LIFE IS YOUUURSS 🙏🙏🙏🙏
do u think... Do you think sometimes when the team has a movie night, when they watch those 60's action war movies like "Von Ryan's Express" and "Battle of the Bulge" or spaghetti westerns like "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" and "Death Rides on a Horse," Soldier pauses during or right after fight scenes or duels or whatever to obsessively overanalyze them. Like, he'll try and turn them into strategies to use on the job, takes, uhm, 'notes', (tactical doodles,) sets up nerdy models using a whiteboard map and improvised figurines, uses these examples when he does those psyche-up pre-battle speeches or during strategy meetings.
'Cause I bet he does, I bet he does that, and it completely kills the momentum of the movie to the point where the rest of the team gets disinterested and slowly leaves him behind to do their own thing.
I genuinely bet Engie wouldn't though, nah, I bet he's enough of a patient kind of gentle kind of man willing to stick through these pauses 'cause he's just that into the movie. And maybe he's just a teeny bit into Soldier's dissections of actiony chaos. Maybe gleans a bit of an understanding of Soldier's thinking that way. Admires the guy's passion about his 'research,' how thoughtfully he gathers details in an effort to help the team. Starts mixing in tapes for these sorts of movies more regularly to their movie night pool maybe subconsciously, maybe on purpose. The rest of the team doing their own movie night. losers.
#soldier being autistic about 60's action movies#just like me fr fr#the original die hard would fucking KILL him oh my god can you imagine#engie sitting with sparkly eyes watching soldier go off about the duel in a fistful of dollars:#tf2 headcanons#tf2#engineer tf2#helmet party#engiesolly#eftanz u are a hero genuinely your art killed me then brought me back its crazy#praying to the time and space gods to let me airdrop reels of die hard indiana jones and robocop to the red base like a hunger games sponsor#guy gets shot in a movie:#soldier tf2 with his jaw wide open: holy shit... did you see that..?#when u asked this i though “oh god oh no this well is dry what am i gonna do”#but then this happened. ily#solly is over here developing advanced attack methods inspired by war epics#engie over here like: waow... he's so passionate... sighs...#maybe hes just happy somebody else loves cheesy spaghetti westerns#j....just like me.......fr.....#romcom trope where they reach for the popcorn bucket at the same time and touch hands#romcom trope where the characters in the movie fall in love and engie looks up at soldier like “wow....thats crazy haha...”#the onesided movie date. engie is too nervous to ask him on a real one so this will do.#for now.
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Forgive me, forgive me. I ask, I beg, I pray, but it never comes.
You know I find it incredibly bewildering to see just how much kalki reflects myself in him like YEAH Duh of course he does, he’s my little guy it’s like his full time job. But at the same time he is a fully functional facet of my being and he is at the mercy of my whimsies, and whatever he discovers in his arduous journey of self realisation is ultimately a reflection of what I discover in the real world. It’s also incredibly funny because ffxiv lore for dark knights is really baked into the idea of (re)discovering yourself amongst the bloodshed and continuing to live and love and thrive despite the world working against us. who would have thought such a raw message could come from an mmorpg side quest about edgy emo boys of all places
also adamantite armour of fending i would lay down my LIFE for u
variant + phone bg version + ID below the cut
tch as if you guys are actually going to use artwork of my little guy as your phone background. i know. how dumb. let a girl dream. i should make an alternate version but it's of Fray and Myste
[START ID: A picture with a red background focusing on the character's bust that is placed to the left of the image's centre. He is coloured with a dark blue overlay, contrasting with the red background. He has brown skin, long black hair that falls over his shoulders, and is wearing blue and gold armour and earrings. He is looking at the viewer, right eye dark brown and the left an glowing unnatural red, with an expression that looks determined and angry and yet bitter and forlorn. In the foreground and on the right side of the piece, a miniature version of the character stands coloured in a light blue overlay and wearing the same blue and gold armour, looking as if he is glowing. He is facing towards the left of the piece, or perhaps at the character bust, his expression unreadable. Above the miniature character's head is the symbol representing the FFXIV dark knight, coloured in gold. END ID.]
#the burst of creativity that shot through me is indescribable. i can only hope this is a sign that i am FINALLY out of art block#but OF COURSE my creativity comes back right when gamsat is around the corner. it's always a fucking exam. i fucking hate myself#maybe this piece is supposed to be vent art at how I CANNOT MANAGE MY SHIT AND I AM JUST. NOT DOING THINGS RIGHT. NOT DOING THINGS RIGHT !!#and i tell myself it's fine but maybe it's NOT fine? i told myself i'd work on it but nothing is getting worked on#nothing productive at all. not even for uni nor for myself. nothing is happening at all. it's just going through the days#waking up. wishing i'd slept more. stare at my laptop for hours. youtube. watch 10mins of lectures. then a nap. then the laptop. then sleep#but i dont and it pisses me off because nothing is working. i'm like if linguini lost his rat and i'm staring at the kitchen catching fire#maybe go to class if it's on for that day. scrambling notes together. pretending i DO have my shit together#i COULD put out the fire. but i'm not. i could and i can but im not. the extinguisher is in my hand. fire's not going out. i'm still here.#maybe. maybe that's why drk resonates with me so much. at the end of the day. maybe i am just a stupid bastard#-who can't get their act together. who actively shoots themselves in the foot and bleeds all over the place trying to make something happen#only this time- this time the perpetrator isn't someone i can point at and demand answers from. it's me hi i'm the problem it's me#and i can- i SHOULD find a way to make this all work. to make this whole Living My Life business work. but the extinguisher's in my hand#wow okay that was really heavy anyway uhhhhh TAGS TAGS TAGS TAGSSSSS#ffxiv#ff14#ffxivwol#ffxiv wol kalki#ffxiv dark knight#artoftheagni#and the fire keeps going#tw eyestrain#cw bright colors#idk the red is really bright and it;s nice for my eyes but idk for anyone else
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Dragon Noodle Soup :3
#world of warcraft#dragonflight#dragons#I both adore the kalimdor racing event and also am highly frustrated cuz advanced gold is always 1-3 seconds off#most fun ive ever had in WoW#also worst time ever#maybe second to the mage tower cuz that shit was NOT MADE for my ADHD ass#im joking the worst times in this game is trying to convince strangers to let you join endgame content#and then get bullied by them#i dont do dungeons anymore#seriously tho the dragon racing is some of the most fun and engaging wow content ever give me moreeeee#I need more single player content that feels like this#that is highly rewarding and i dont need to suck up to assholes to achieve#((desperatly begging for a solo story version of dungeons and raids so i can experience the story without getting abused by other players))#i DID THE MONK DMG MAGE TOWER IN LEGION. I HAVE TRIED THE NEW VER 100 FUCKING TIMES#AND ITS HARDER THIS TIME SO I FUCKING CAN'T#ASLDKHADOIHADIA#I have to be on top of every fucking thing for like 12 minutes straight due to my dmg output and following guides dont help me#I got him down to 20-30 percent and then ditched the game to play FFXIV for a full ass year#this was jan 2022#I havn't attempted since i probably should.#sorry forgot what this post was about
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i kinda want to live again
#not a vent#not literal#like. i wanna do things again. i wanna go places. i don’t wanna be holed up anymore#saw a mutual baking cookies#and my immediate thought was wow. life is so fucking wonderful#a stranger somewhere thousands of miles away from me is baking cookies. and i get to see a photo of it#and the color of the counter was the same as my friend’s old counter back in their childhood home#it gave me weird motivation to keep pushing through#very odd.#life is beautiful#i am mentally stable btw. just anxiety takes over my every waking moment#i am not in danger of myself don’t worry hang#GANG NOT HANG#THAT WAS THE WORST POSSIBLE TYPI I COULDVE MADE GIVEN THE CONTEXT OMG#i wanna live again#I’m going to join a club i think#start going to the library and chat up the librarians#maybe see if i can help them put away books. just for fun.#maybe i can get a job#maybe i can do this#maybe i can start saving up to move out. or go to college#im already starting to get a service dog. maybe i can do it#only issue is that driving is sensory hell for me so I struggle with it a lot#sooo#ill find a way#public transport here i come
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anyone else seeing some distasteful kurt busch dwi takes or is it just me
#like don't get me wrong... it's bad. he had a LOT in his system and he shouldn't have been driving#but oh my god...#calling him disgusting?#when (if you take like 5 minutes to look) a lot of his fans seem to think he might have a drinking problem...?#I don't know anything about the guy honestly. he could be the worst person in nascar or a literal saint. it doesn't matter#I just think it's weird for people to hop on their soap boxes to publicly decry him worthless for this#like you don't have to like him to not be condescending to addicts??#holy shittt#it's truly awful#and it's coming from a LOT of ''left leaning'' accounts I follow too. sad.#like sure you want to help alcoholics/addicts but do you show compassion.#instead of ''this is disgusting I am repulsed by [man I don't know]'s actions''#how about you try ''wow this is disappointing but I really hope he seeks help for both the community and his sake''#otherwise your comments are just performative bullshit#addicts shouldn't have to read your garbage and shame themselves into healing.#cause yknow that doesn't always fucking work. sometimes it makes them want to harm themselves MORE.#because if they're already so terrible how can they live sober/clean?!#so maybe shut the fuck up.#anyway. you can socially condemn things without trying to humiliate addicts and potential addicts who are ultimately#victims of their condition.#sincerely. the son and grandson of several addicts.#P.S. THIS POST IS NOT SAYING ADDICTS ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS. NOWHERE DO I SAY THAT.#ok bye
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links meet but it's just my 600 AUs of skyward sword
#top right looks like a joke. I promise he didn't look so much like an anime boy in the initial sketch#I did him last and am getting very tired lol#sword spirit (human form) was the first I did I should have stopped while I was ahead lmao#going to reblog this with links (ha) to the fics they show up in. maybe#that would be a lot of work#cherryart#skyward sword#'wow cherry these are all soooo cool have you actually written them where can I read them'#well. for once. they DO all have writing to go with them :0#however. it's all fucking ghiralink
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if you draw enough monster ocs, when you go back to drawing a human character, it feels like "sameface syndrome" everytime, by virtue of their face being. human.
#toy txt post#or maybe i am just sameface syndrome#but also different face syndrome#two characters will have the same face but then the next time i draw those characters its a different face than they had last time!#i know part of it is being out of practice but also there is definitely an element of feeling constrained by human facial structure lmao#the monsters have Their Own Problems but like. no one has a face like bokrae no matter how inconsistent i am about drawing her#her features are iconic enough to her that you can tell everytime#birdie???? i faceclaimed eartha kitt for her and im still struggling cos i feel weird about faceclaiming as a concept#but even then 😭 one time i was trying to give headloose a face and someone was like wow he looks like birdie!#me 😭😭😭😭😭 what!!!!!! hes not supposed to!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i need to practice. features#you know the worst part about coming up w a bunch of fuckin Scenarios in my brain for ocs is that i have even fucking Drawn them yet#to give them like. iconic staple features and figure out what their faces look like. which feels like it would really help to have that#knowledge and muscle memory before i jump into trying to draw intense scenes with difficult poses!!#not to mention. listen. i can do the monster faces. somewhat. the bodies??????????? well for one. theyre too big everytime#im convinced i could be trying to draw bokrae on like a full ass wall size paper like a mural thing and run out of room. it just keeps#happening. i have no sense of scale for them either. by which i mean i struggle w scale already and also cant decide what i want it to be#and ive tried to handwave it away by being like ohhh uh. birdie casts spells on them to change their sizes for convenience but also#no. perhaps that explanation works for other ppl. @ myself tho its not good enough i Know Better!!!!!!#agh!!!!!!! i really need to figure out bokrae's Teeth also. like i dont. i coukd get away with it. but i should. and i want to.#anyway all this to say that i need to give these characters faces and body designs (actually the body designs for humanoid ocs is the easy#part. the faces are whats stumping me? well. i need more practice w all the body types again but like i Know what im Going For at least.#for the most part anyway. havent fully figured out heights. struggling w characters that i want to make short but give imposing tall energy#on occasion? birdie can be short all day long no problem. I want Alasdair to be short enough that he has a bunch of short boyfriends that#feel tall around him? bytte was going to be like 6ft max but then i thought about making her taller and like. what if i made her taller#headloose is not that /short/ but he is Not Tall and prolly pretty lean? twink build for sure#and of course all these short /tall distinctions come with a bias of relativity to my own height which i categorize as medium height#but short ppl call me tall and insist its not average and tall ppl call me short. (5'6) and then i have to factor in how the gender changes#the dynamic of a height like my height is Short For A Man but medium to tall for a Woman. which id argue is medium height bc mens heights#are socially held to high standards (hehe) and also i know ethnicity/race is also a factor? but im out of tags. rip. bye
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woah truly nothing fucks you up like family
#so it's sunday and i have been calling and inviting people to my wedding...... and hooo boy did i get some answers#my grandmother told me she doesn't know who i am and hung up on me :)#(we haven't been in touch a lot due to some family conflict that i had no part of because i was a child when something happened - i still#dont know what but something clearly did - so i was expecting maybe a cold No Thank You or whatever but jesus fucking christ....#and it affected me more than i expected.... just wow.) also my godmother was very polite but cold i don't even expect her to come and#it was a truly awkward conversation but i survived.....#also my mom is having some kind of depressive episode or something so there is that#and i have pms and want to cry and sleep and throw up all the time actually now double because additional stress#uhhhhhhhh. FAMILY. anyway - this is and has been my diary since 2011 so where else am i to vent about stuff like this#personal
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I've had a few conversations recently, mostly with castmates, where they are very surprised to learn that I am 30. They keep pegging me as early 20's. And like...it keeps making me feel uncomfortable instead of flattered. And I've been wondering why because I really don't think I've unlearned the whole "30 is old" thing THAT well despite my best efforts.
And I think it might be partially because I kind of feel like I've been tricking them? Like oh no these 20 year olds thought I was one of them but actually I am a gross creepy old person. And partially also because I'm afraid that they're actually calling my actions immature? Like you thought I was younger because I don't act like a "real adult"? I don't know.
Like they literally keep staring at me open mouthed that happened more than once. Stop doing that! It makes me feel weird :(
#this feels like a brag but it's not#I look normal!!!!! people who are 30 don't look old!!!!#maybe that is a much deeper misconception in the public consciousness of young people than I thought#and I have actually done an ok job at unlearning it??? I don't know#I will say that in the last few years I feel like I have lost all ability to tell what age people are#like I was never good at it but I look at people now like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#so maybe part of it is learning that these people are younger than I thought#like you're 22??? a child????#anyway I feel like what I am afraid of is that I am doing the adulting thing SO BAD that it gives off the impression#that I am a decade younger than I am#IS IT THAT OBVIOUS#the more I think about it the more I realize people tend to ask a lot if I'm in school#I mean no insult to college students but “college aged” is NOT the vibe I want to give off#ah yes that person obviously looks of the age where they barely know how to take care of themselves and don't know anything about life!#LIKE IT'S TRUE BUT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY IT TO MY FACE LIKE THAT#“oh wow you're old enough to be my acutal mom!”#SHUT!!! THE FUCK UP!!! IT'S WEIRD TO ME TOO!!!!
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u ever seriously wonder if ur gonna make it thru the year
#im#not even sad abt it.#just thinking.#i saw my aunt today and she bought me alc like every time i see a family member. lolololol i am mentally and physically ill i absolutely#failed at resisting temptation#mainly bc im a WRECK due to my period#i did not break the cycle of addiction that runs HEAVILY on both sides of my family 💀💀💀#maybe one day but that isnt today.#i actually havent drank in like a month whixh is awesome for me given. The Tendicies.#anyone else also feel like theyve taken a stimulant on alc????#like i have so much energy and joy but without the horrific heart racing symptoms#it’s bc it works on gaba receptors that seems to be what im lacking#bc neurontin (gabapentin) was the psych med that worked WONDERS for me and i’ve been on 10+ other meds that haven’t done SHIT#my doc wld not prescibe me last time i went despite being prescribed before and ir working wonderfully#she just upped my paxil which didnt do jack fucking shit#then i lost insurance so i havent been able to follow up w her But im working on that#it just sucks so much that the only time i feel relatively happy is on drugs#then i think well. at least im no longer in my benedryl phase like when i was younger💀#and im like wow it rly cld be worse. i guess.#tendencies*#oh jesus i am NOT proofreading this. sorry
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Kinda fucked up how all the people I know are like "Yeah I know what I want in my life. I want to work in X field and I want/don't want a long-term partner who I'm going to marry, I want kids and-"
and I'm there just like 🧍
#like wow ok#i have no idea what i want man I'm just doing what's required of me#or more like i think i know some of the things i want but I'm actively beating them up every day and instead choosing#what i consider to be my duty#like yeah I really want to work in design and you know the dream is character design and concept art but that's unrealistic#and any design would do. but that's selfish so like lol no. psychology it is. social work if i fail at that. it's an acceptable#compromise. it's not what I want but it is what i am ok with subjecting myself to.#whenever it looks like I might fail a class at university i get really anxious but also really excited#because on one hand I'm failing to take care of my duties and responsibilities. on the other if they kicked me out nobody could#say i didn't try. i could just say that I'm too stupid. i could say that i don't have what it takes. id be a failure but not out of my#volition. they could tell me that im stupid or inferior but they couldn't label me selfish.#and then id just fuck off to work as a florist or maybe id just work in a smokes shop or anything low stakes like that#while I'd be looking for a job in design. hell i don't even need a job in that field; id love to just work a simple job where after clocking#out i could just go home and partake in my hobbies. like i wouldn't even need to have it as my field of work id be perfectly#content with posting character designs online and sometimes getting a small buck by selling pins and dolls and etc#that's definitely what i want in life. but that's fucked up and selfish and would make me a failure and then i would never#be able to even dream of earning humanity. so. doing my duty it is
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