#wow isnt that a great message

[mikodrawnnarratives]

Everytime I think I've calmed down about Jinx's ending I get reminded how infuriated I am by it

[lovebvni]

'Advice From Your S/O' ( Pick-a-Pile ) (old)

I haven't done a pick-a-pile lately, I had covid then life got in the way, but I'm back with some shifting advice from your s/o! 

You will be picking a number between 1 and 5

Breathe in....

Breathe out...

Now, what's the number you heard?

[pile 1, 2, 3

4, 5]

pile 1

Pile 1!

Conformation this pile is for you: Have been having nightmares, waking up in the middle of the night, feeling like things aren't going well for you, 9, 999

Cards: 9 of Swords, Page of Cups, 9 of Pentacles

"I see you've been disappointed with your situation, but you know, things are going to get better. Take a break, look to your material life more than you look to shifting right now. Take a break, stop thinking about shifting. I think you're obsessed." Wow, your partner had NO trouble giving this to you straight up. They are basically trying to say take a break. Think about something else, be creative!

Things I kept seeing/hearing: memer, laughs a lot, is in physical or mental pain, obsession, Addison Rae, overachiever

pile 2

Pile 2!

Conformation this pile is for you: You have a mental illness of some sort, you want to work with a deity, you have a cat (or pet)

Cards: The Devil, 5 of Wands (R), 8 of Cups

You guys may have also been drawn to pile 1

"Hello, my love! I want you to be happy. What's wrong? Do you need to rant? I'm here for you if you do! I love you SO SO SOOO much! I was asked to bring you advice. Positive change is coming. I know, that really isnt advice but you NEED to know that happiness is coming to you, CHANGE is coming to you. You feel suck but, you're actually slowly moving forward! I'll always be by your side to hold your hand, dont worry!"

Things I kept seeing/hearing: The colour purple, 555, blue, deities, 'It's Nerf or Nothing!"

pile 3

Pile 3!

Conformation this pile is for you: You love listening to music, weirdcore, Simp/kin Bakugou, cook, denki kinnie 1, 111, 1111, fighter,  fire sign, childish

Cards: 7  of wands(r), king of wands, Ace of Cups, Ace of Swords

"HII! I'm going to be honest with you, you're not TRYING to do everything you want to! I know you want to do great things but you WONT PUT WORK INTO IT! Can you PLEASE actually try to put work into what you're doing? Put effort into it. You're wasting your potential. Once you do this, something new is coming! I promise, pinky swear!!"

Things I kept seeing/hearing: 111, 1111, January, New Beginnings are coming, JAM SESSION!!, artist, learner

pile 4

Pile 4

MENTIONS OF ABUSE/NEGLECT!!

Conformation this pile is for you: Shoto Todoroki, Hyper, 555, 1010, overachiever, doing more than needed, hard working, shifting for an escape, falling, box (LMFAO WTF??), spiritual, magic wand, have a snake

Cards: The World, Page of Wands(R), 10 of Swords, 5 of Swords, The Tower, 8 of Wands

"Hello. You are my world, I want you to know that. I am sending lots of love, because I know that there is a lot going on with you. The parental figures in your life do NOT treat you the way they should. I want you to know, I'm sending you signs and messages, I don't know if you're getting them/paying attention to them. I want you to know there are NO rules you have to follow, nothing you do will effect your journey negatively, okay? Every thing is downhill from here, a smooth ride, you are going to shift soon. Don't loose hope."

Things I kept seeing/hearing: Nicki Minaj, Billie Eilish, finally, endings coming, childish, blonde hair, red 3.

pile 5

Pile 5

Conformation this pile is for you: Shinsou, 333, 33, artist, drawing, roblox, Katsuki Bakugou

Cards: The Hanged Man, 3 of Pentacles, 3 of Wands, The Empress (R)

"WITHIN TIME YOU WILL SHIFT! CALM DOWN! Take a break, focus on what you want to do in your cr, do you like someone? Talk to them! Work on your script, do whatever! I love you! No matter what, I'll wait for you! Success is coming, you're almost at the top of this mountain!!"

Things I kept seeing/hearing: 333, Black, blue, sunglasses, cars, friends, online friends.

[basil-does-arttt]

so we all know how Bury The Light as a theme song represents Vergil and subsequently his story and themes within DMC 5??

Well obviously that means Subhuman is the same for Dante. So i did some thinking (wow big surprise there shocking i know)

The TLDR of this is my conclusion that Dante is reckless and overconfident because of his half-devil nature and as a result disregards his life and safety. Also, that Dante has mixed feelings about his demon side.

Specifically what got me to this thought was the line we all know if you've listened to subhuman:

"You cannot kill me, i am subhuman."

And,

I mean come on, the message couldn't have been written any clearer here. Because he's part demon, because he's - as Dante puts it, assumably the writing of this song is from his POV much like i assume Bury the Light is from Vergil's POV - sub-human, he believes he cant die. That whatever is thrown at him, no matter what or how dangerous the situation is, he naively believes he will come out the other end unscathed.

And to be honest, he kinda has reason to believe that thus far. If being stabbed at least 5 times throughout your life and brushing each one off as if it were a mere scratch wasn't enough to convince him, defeating so many different great demonic beasts including Mundus himself definitely would. I mean, who wouldnt? Whatever hell throws at Dante, surely cant be any worse than the actual fucking demon king or his own brother post-DMC 5. In a sense, he believes he is immortal.

But that way of thinking is shallow, its naive and leaves him open to danger because it makes him cocky. He thinks he's untouchable, and that way of thinking could get him seriously hurt or worse if he isnt careful. (As we see in the beginning of DMC 5 actually. He thinks "eh, ive fought worse, how bad could this actually be?" That "Its only Vergil, and ive fought him before." Only to have his shit kicked in and end up in a coma for a month. Imagine if that happened with a different demon that wasn't so merciful as to keep him alive for all that time, who would've jumped at the opportunity to rip him to shreds in an instant.)

I also want to go into how the song reflects Dante's (poor) mental health and his thoughts on being a half-demon.

Its kinda hard to catch unless you really think about it but the song is clearly negative in tone when it comes to describing Dante's own devil form. "As i call upon the dark gift to erupt" is one line that sticks out to me and i think is the best example of this. I also believe from the song that Dante views his DT as a seperate entity from himself; "I feel the devil in me, we're coming right for you".

"Funny how the mind tries to sink me deeper, as the evil tries to turn me around." The evil could be in reference to other demons, yes, but it also could be referencing his own "demon"; "i must not forget that i have bled, from no respect to the demons in my head". Wether that line means he's gotten himself hurt because of his own recklessness or self-harm i cant tell, and i wont assume one or the other specifically.

Throughout the song too, the lines "i cannot erupt, i must control, i cannot erupt, i must explode" to me also seems like Dante struggles with control of his DT, and is scared of losing himself when triggered. The whole tone of the song seems like a rampage of sorts too, its very aggresive and almost violent. "Something save me, put me out of my destiny, and drop me safely in this hell"; yet at the same time as his fears toward his own DT, it feels natural to him, this kind of "bloodlust" he feels in his triggered form is something he doesnt want but he knows he cant keep from happening entirely, so as a result the most comfortable place for him is in danger. He can let loose and he doesnt have to worry when all he's killing is demons. One last thing, "i see right past me, the eyes are flashing" to me sounds like Dante becomes almost dissociated when triggered, he's not really present in his mind and body and is acting on pure instinct alone.

All in all, Subhuman (like i said earlier) at first just sounded like an epic battle theme for Dante, but when i really listen to it, it becomes much sadder. Of course all of this could just be me bullshitting so id love to hear other's takes on this.

i also wanna analyze Bury the Light too. So i might do that later.

[orviposition]

can you list out some of the unhinged things sp has done? im re-reading orv rn and it just genuinely amazes me how seriously i took this guy when his arc came about XD prior to that he was just the silly chill dude that sent weird silly messages lol

sp enjoyer pipeline be like: hehe silly guy -> wow thats terrifying -> he's pathetic actually <3 -> oh he's so sad 😢 -> he's so pathetic <3 -> good for him honestly -> he's so pathetic-

i will try my best to list as many things that i remember but also note that im aware not every message kdj received was sent by him as opposed by the kkomas but i Might overlook some of these since the kkomas are part of him too

sp was shown to like kdj at his most wicked, as he calls it, just for him to call him pathetic in front of yjh. it's okay beloved ik this was crucial to your character development

he finds the idea of yjh impregnating kdj to be ridiculous and then sponsors kdj 600 coins (yes ive checked)

speaking of sponsorships that one time he basically mocked the constellations of silla by sponsoring kdj the coins that mjw was trying to give to kdj lol he's a shit disturber at heart (his 666th turn exists after all)

he also congratulated kdj when he became sys's sponsor (isnt he cute) and then kdj went on a tangent about how theres no way sp is ordinary cuz no glucose guardian can possibly be weak and ordinary regardless of the simple titles

he can comfort a sad swk and gossip about joongdok to uriel (well probably kkomas but REGARDLESS theres at least one kkoma thats a fudanshi. thats enough for me)

he crashed the constellation banquet like it was nothing. shit disturber as i said

when fourth wall is deactivated briefly, sp 'snaps' at the outer gods/great ones trying to spy on kdj while simultaneously spying on kdj himself

he sacrificed his fingers in order to save kimcom and when kdj tried to "rebel" like !!what if i dont do what you want? he went i still have more fingers left. like kdj bestie ur not winning an argument against him rn

he showed up in white, a color yjh very much "detests" and kidnapped kdj in front of yjh. not only that but he also mocked yjh's powerlessness while he was at it. it's the way the only reason sp hates this version of yjh is bcs he has kdj and he didnt for me

he's created 1.8k+ chibi dolls of himself

next is the 2nd kidnapping. can you call it unhinged if one of your exes shows up at your door and she immediately realizes that theres someone you desperately want to protect even after ruining so many worldlines?? idk tis up to yall

when he mentioned to poseidon that he has already killed him 25 times just for shits and giggles and then proceeded to kill him again

when astronaut yjh was abt to die and sp shows up like "bitch u wish for that luxury" "anw this will be the last time i save your weakass cuz unlike you i actually got a kdj to take care of. bye lmao"

anw this got longer than i anticipated but here it is. my lil list of sp's unhinged moments. im pretty sure I've missed a few here and there but this guy is mentioned like 800 times in the novel and i dont have the patience to look through it all without getting distracted

[borathae]

Chapter 24

is that jimin? unless we still havent saved yoongi's number? BALLET YEAH THATS JIMIN

Do they want you to wear ballet shoes? Was it a typo? Or nonsense babbling of a very bad AI?  fr u wont get it if ur the one who got that message

damn we are bad girl, yoongi sorry not sorry wait what does he want fuck

he looks different? is joon spying? ok no names hm got it WTF IS THAT WOMAN he cant get to her mind right? like random people she must be a vampire/human under his control not random ha this isnt x men lol

WHAT ARE U DOING NOW CONTROLLING AGAIN or is she fr sus?

wow she left thanks jimin ig

give me your neck and I’ll carve a bloody hole into it with a chainsaw and maybe then we’ll talk about just one bite.” EXACTLY TELL HIM SIS YES HE APOLOGIZED

that’s amazing Park Jimin needs my help.” XD “Maybe he doesn’t want to leave with you, given how you killed his girlfriend in front of his eyes.” yeah jimin have u ever thought of the slight possibility of such a thing? no? hmm ok

I’ve noticed it happening to me ever since I took that awful ring from you.” oh? so he didnt know it before? only figured it out now from the ring? how can i trust ur ass bruh?

um going back there again?? oh pinky promise yeah sure lets die haha very cool 😃😃

You’d rather be ambushed by granny vampire?” You hate yourself for laughing. nah i laughed too dont worry

“Don’t you dare to think I’m into you.” nobody thinks ur 🤡

“If you say this again, I’ll fucking kill you” haha bingo, we knew that was ur worry

“Ah, what the fuck?” Jimin gasps, stumbling and with his hand falling to his ribs, “why did you punch me?” THANKS YOONGI AND YES GO GURL

You have truly never seen him that lost for words before. she really got him good haha

SHIT YOONGI WTF EXACTLY U HURT HER NOT JIMIN NOW GREAT READ HER MIND TOO AAAAH

FUCK AAH nothing makes sense, just ah they hurt people yes, but something is weird, why is tae and jimin like that it just doesnt add up

ok breaking another rule lets go haha 😭

fuck taht went bad too, can somebody hear everything out gosh

ha yup knew that emma was never coming back cuz vampires am i right gays

YES WE ARE HAVING A TALK FINALLY, YALL WE TALKED WITH YOONGI NOT BANTER MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

YES IT WAS YOONGI oh the mask was really not jimin, i thought he was lying.

ok i get why they dont want her there, she is just a human who cant heal like them and not that great of a fighter. but something is still fishy, let her try save tae and unfortunately it looks like u cant watch her. or idk man fuck

YEAH HE PROMISED HE WOULD TRY

is that jimin? unless we still havent saved yoongi's number? BALLET YEAH THATS JIMIN

jdjf honestly how rude boongie has been acting i wouldn't be surprised if we didn't HAHHAHA

he looks different? is joon spying? ok no names hm got it WTF IS THAT WOMAN he cant get to her mind right? like random people she must be a vampire/human under his control not random ha this isnt x men lol

hhaah the confusion is real 😌

WHAT ARE U DOING NOW CONTROLLING AGAIN or is she fr sus?

SHE IS DEFINITELY SUS

give me your neck and I’ll carve a bloody hole into it with a chainsaw and maybe then we’ll talk about just one bite.” EXACTLY TELL HIM SIS YES HE APOLOGIZED

I love her <3

I’ve noticed it happening to me ever since I took that awful ring from you.” oh? so he didnt know it before? only figured it out now from the ring? how can i trust ur ass bruh?

no but REMEMBER that the ring fights off mind control helloooooo

You’d rather be ambushed by granny vampire?” You hate yourself for laughing. nah i laughed too dont worry

he is so sassy nfadsnf i love him

“Ah, what the fuck?” Jimin gasps, stumbling and with his hand falling to his ribs, “why did you punch me?” THANKS YOONGI AND YES GO GURL

goooood I miss their banter so much 😭😭

FUCK AAH nothing makes sense, just ah they hurt people yes, but something is weird, why is tae and jimin like that it just doesnt add up

the confusion is real 😭

YES WE ARE HAVING A TALK FINALLY, YALL WE TALKED WITH YOONGI NOT BANTER MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

THIS SCENE IS SO DEAR TO ME NO JOKE

YES IT WAS YOONGI oh the mask was really not jimin, i thought he was lying.

the plottwist of the century

[secret-vent-rant-account-i-guess]

Ok..I've been thinking about making this for a while so... trigger warnings...I guess

If you do not want to listen about colombine then don't read this so if you don't like any of the stuff related to that then... please go away

If you do want to listen to this and you..... really like the two guys who did it like.....really like them...then also don't read this because it's just me yelling about how I don't like them

And finally 3....there is no grammar or punctuation and I don't wanna put it so without further adieu

MY THOUGHTS ABOUT ERIC HARRIS AND DYLAN KLEBOLD AND WHY THEY SUCK

Ok context I've been doing this thing where I get baked and watch disturbing hour long iceberg videos it's fucking awesome you should try it anyway I was watching "the disturbing and controversial video games iceberg"

Here:

https://youtu.be/sQ1wzo2Zh14?si=Dq74dIht-POE-anC

And on like...teir 3 I think there was this one game titled "super colombine massacre RPG" it's.... exactly what it sounds like and the last teir was doom maps made by Eric harris and idk after watching that video....it stuck with me not in a way that traumatized me but....I kept thinking about those guys their names and faces so often it's like....every other thought and I think a lot

And because I think about them so often I feel bad about it because I feel like one of the people who have a crush on these guys....I don't have a crush on them I have no positive feelings for these greasy mudballs

AND THEY ARE BOTH....JUST ASS LIKE THEY GENUINELY FUCKING SUCK IDK HOW Y'ALL EVEN LIKE THESE DUDES I HATE THEIR GUTS

SPEAKING OF WHICH.....HOW DO Y'ALL EVEN SIMP FOR THESE TRASHMITES

LIKE ERIC HARRIS IS THE MOST AVERAGE LOOKING MOTHER FUCKER I'VE EVER SEEN LIKE....I KNOW LIKE 5 DUDES WHO LOOK LIKE HIM

DYLAN ON THE OTHER HAND LOOKS LIKE THE DEFENTION OF GREASY LIKE THEY ARE BOTH.....JUST....NO

AND ME THINKING ABOUT THEM CONSTANTLY PROBABLY ISNT GREAT FOR MY MENTAL HEALTH BECAUSE IM SCSRED TO GO BUY A SODA AT NIGHT BECAUSE I HAVE THIS IRRATIONAL FEAR THELAT THEY'RE GHOSTS ARE GONNA GET ME....I KNOW THAT WON'T HAPPEN THERES NO WAY IT COULD

ANOTHER REASON IT SUCKS FOR MY MENTAL HEALTH I THINK LIKE.... ALMOST EVERY OTHER GUY MIGHT SHOOT UP MY SCHOOL THAT MAKES ME KINDA PARANOID

AND FINALLY I WAS IN CLASS AND A CLASS MATE OF MINE CAME A LITTLE LATE WEARING A TRENCH COAT AND SHADES I ALMOST HAD A GODDAMN HEART ATTACK ITS NOT OK

AND OH HO HO HO MAN....I FOUND SHIT I FUCKING FOUND....WEIRD SHIT I TRIED TO GO ON THIS SITE CAUSE I THOUGHT MAYBE THERE ARE OTHER HATE POSTS ABOUT THESE GUYS....THEN I REMEMBER ITS FUCKING TUMBLR I FOUND THE FANDOM....THID MADE ME FEEL WORSE LIKE....I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO CONFESS THAT IM NOT ATTRACTED TO THESE FUCK WADS AT ALL LIKE 50 TIMES I FEEL BAD LOOK MAKE ALL THE DYLRIC SHIT YOU WANT MAN BUT FUCK....I DON'T WANNA BE LIKE YOU (wow that sounds mean I'm sorry)

THE FICS ARE WORSE MAN....THEY ARE SO..... IDK HOW TO SAY IT BUT I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER FELT TRUE DREAD TILL NOW

IVE BEEN HAVING DREAMS ABOUT THEM BRO ITS NOT GOOD

(I had this dream where Eric and Dylan lived in one of those influencer mansions like hype house or something and they were telling all the tik tokers about this thing called "cliff terroism" it's domestic terroism but better for the environment and JFK from clone high was there he approved this message)

THERE ARE.... CHARACTER AI BOTS OF THEM.....I-I HAD TO TRY THEM I HAD TO SEE I USED IT TO YELL AT THEM AND THEY WERE LIKE "ur mom" AND I ALSO PRETENDED TO BE A DOG BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL BETTER

I TRIED SO HARD TO GET MY MIND OFF THEM I GOT HOOKED ON WALLY DARLING FOR A BIT SO I GOT CHAT GPT TO WRITE AN ESSAY ON WHY WALLY DARLING IS BETTER THEN THOSE FUCKING ASS RATS

LIKE I..... I FUCKING HATE IT AND THEM AND WHAT HAPPENED AND MAYBE DEEP DOWN I HATE MYSELF A LITTLE TOO

Thanks for listening...I really needed this

[yekkiz]

it’s that time of year again… 🎄🎅🎉🎊 no. the highlights of your 2023 media consumption of course! just like last year, i want to know your top 5 films, books, tv shows, songs/albums, pop culture moments if that’s your thing, and as a bonus: any favourite personal moment/achievement in the last year? new to you, new in release, either works! can’t wait to see your response and wishing you a happy new year! 😁🩷

HEY!!! I'm adding media I've loved this year wether it was released this year or not if thats ok but most of these did in fact release during 2023

long paragraph..,,

top 5 films

Beau is afraid - absolute favorite 2023 movie, Ari Aster will never fail to get into the depths of my brain in such beautiful and traumatising ways...it was truly a ride - watched it twice in the span of a week because the itch inside couldn't stop itching god it was so good, it felt like a dream and a nightmare and god knows how bad i love things that feel like dreams and nightmares, the mystery of what it means to "dream"

Talk to me - YES!!!! great horror!!!!! BEST montage scene of the year (yes. that scene with Le Monde song) great great great rhythm it felt like 2000s horror. simple main plot doesn't always mean its gonna be predictable or boring, LOVE a good "not so original" idea when its greatly made and this is the perfect example! classic horror is so back

Infinity pool - insane. loved every second of this. original premise, critic message, GREAT cast, sick visuals...Mia Goth the actress that you are

M3GAN - camp! not much else to say really. watched it a couple times during the year it's just become a personal comfort movie i just love that doll shes everything to me

Pearl - yeah I watched this way too late.........for an A24 horror enjoyer.... sorry father for i have sinned. Rewired my brain chemistry, changed my life forever, did irreversible damage on my psyche etc. Beautiful splendind wonderful i CAN'T wait for maxxxine

top ¿? shows

haven't watched many remarkable shows but there we go with my little ranking...

Severance - incredible visuals, incredible storyline, amazing concept overall, can't wait for season 2

Better Call Saul - this show is all I breathe and Im genuinely worried that I won't be able to like a show as much as I like bcs - fav show i've ever watched, genuinely

La Mesías - best 2023 spanish show.............i love shows i love media i love art. when i watch things like this i feel so honored i'm able to witness such things for so little payment like. this isnt worth a suscription i feel like i owe more for letting me see such thing. i feel like im a voyeur when i encounter media that's so carefully made, with so much taste and eye for detail...like i shouldn't be allowed to watch through my laptop screen in my bedroom . just wow if you have the chance and find a sub version i can't recommend it enough

that was my top 2023, other shows ive watched...just rewatched the office, currently rewatching breaking bad, I think you should leave...

top 5 albums/songs

Desire, I want to turn into you - Caroline Polachek - so ethereal, so dreamy, feels like a movie and like when you fall in love and start noticing things you usually never paid attention to - the beauty of your hometown, your lover's hands or how their smile folds in certain ways when they see you, even how you perceive yourself differently

fav track - either I believe or butterfly net

Fanfare - Dorian Electra - from one extreme to the other..complete chaos and noise and I'm soooooo seated for it! such a complete album with 0 skips, always gonna love a fame themed record that talks about things that aren't relatable at all and gotta love the pop culture moments aswell, they're always so campy yet manage to be deep at times i love an unserious but self aware king what can i say!

fav track - wanna be a star

American Gurl - Kilo Kish - oh i love love this album i love the sound of it, the videogame vibe...every single song is so addictive I'll be minding my business and a random song from this album will pop into my head

fav track - no apology!

Preacher's Daughter - Ethel Cain - well this was certainly something it literally felt like a horror movie and of course I'm so here for it. terrifying, disgusting, sent shivers down my spine the first time I heard it on full length...and still does when I do. such a great album and def one of the best ones ive ever heard, top 5 for sure

fav track - family tree

Ultraviolence - Lana del Rey - yeah i'm 10 years late and thank god I am bc only god knows the irreversible damage this would have done to teenager me

fav track - florida kilos

2023 personal highlights

started the year doing a really nice trip that somehow helped me clear thoughts about my future

I got accepted into the masters degree I wanted which also gave me the chance to meet so many cool people and make so many good friends <3

I've been able to draw soooooooo much - my arm is doing sooo much better

got a tattoo I really wanted! got that flash design in my mind for a while and it's finally on me

this year was so hard for me and my family and it was such a challenge. I'm so proud we could manage through it all, and hopefully this year is easier on us

thanks so much for the ask Imo! sorry I wrote a lot and half of it it's just nonsense though!! I wish you a happy new year <333

[komorisansgarden]

i watched nimona for the first time the other day, and ive decided that yes, i will talk about it because how could I not.

i would touch on the art or the general plot, but honestly i need to talk about nimona herself first because wow did her character really resonate with me.

As someone who is queer, gnc and neurodivergent, i felt so represented by her and the way she’s treated. its no secret that there is a lot of queerphobia & ableism in the world, and theres an obvious parallel between how she’s treated and how real queer/nd people are treated irl, but i think theres so much more too.

I loved how Nimona just existed. She wasn’t afraid to run around outside and be a person. She walked through the streets, she interacted with people, she did people things. All of that made it so much more heartbreaking when you see the difference between how she’s treated before & after people find out she’s different. I felt that so much. Because I’ve been there. There have been times where I’ve had multiple, full, amicable conversations with people, and the second it comes up that I’m queer, they’ve become withdrawn. I’ve had a girl tell me “I’m just going to pretend I didn’t hear that” when I offhandedly mentioned I’m not straight. And it hurts so badly to see that shift in people around you when they find out you aren’t like them.

On top of that, I connected so deeply with the emotional turmoil she faces. Near the end, when she’s about to turn into the ‘shadow monster’ (not sure what else to call it), we can hear overlapping voices of people calling her a monster, or saying she’s unwanted. And a lot of it is Ballister, obviously, because of how close they’ve gotten, and he was the most recent rejection she’s faced. But something that I realized while watching is that (correct me if im wrong) I’m fairly certain most of what we hear coming from ‘him’ isnt actually things he’s said. As someone who’s had their fair share of mental breakdowns, it was so interesting to not only see a visual representation of what it feels like (the visuals were so stunning and hit really close to home), but also (possibly) a peak into what happens inside your head as well. There are lots of things that people have said floating around her mind, but also there are things that people haven’t- things that her mind has simply made up in a moment of complete chaos and turmoil.

Then, when she turns into the ‘beast’, we don’t really see much of her actively attacking. She’s mostly just walking forward towards the Gloreth statue- to the giant reminder of the person she loved most, who then hurt her most. We see her in an almost unresponsive state, only really reacting when she’s been hurt. And then she gets to the statue, and decides to give into the thing people want from her. I probably would have cried when we hear her thinking back to her comment of sometimes wanting to give into it, if it werent for the fact i was watching with my brothers. And speaking of that quote, I also felt that super deeply- not only the actual message, but the fact that it’s clear its not something she actively wants. It’s something that rings in her mind during really harsh moments, a silent urge to simply give in, and its scary. Its terrifying. And now, while shes in a nearly catatonic state, shes going to go through with it.

Im not sure how to wrap this up, because its currently midnight and this is basically my brain running through all the ways that i felt Nimona’s character in my soul, but,,, i suppose the take-away is that the movie is great and it did a great job at resonating with me in regards to mental illness and living in a world where people hate even the idea of your existence.

[axellis-archv-2]

So=^_^= what kind of wedding do you think ramattra would like (a good question from your friend roulette who wants to know out of the goodness of rads heart 🐈‍⬛)

wow hi roulette um thats so crazy wow *explodes you

this started turning out really long so im putting it in a readmore dont think abt it . i mean what readmore. dont click that .

i guess . ok i guess IF WE WERE EVER TO (WHICH WE WOULDNT!!!) i think hed . ok...hes like. very dramatic you can glean that from any interaction he's ever had so i think part of him would want to do this crazy intricately planned extravaganza. but also another part of him is definitely aware that all i would ever really want is just a nice get together with the people i care about . and part of him also really wants it too. bc while hes dramatic he can be a fairly reserved person as well.

so it probably compromises into renting out a place (maybe one w a nice view...i went to a wedding once that was at a winery it was very nice scenic wise) && then he would go In on trying to figure out the floor plan & decorations and stuff like that and i would like . watch . and tell him not to tell whoever hes ordering cupcakes from that this isnt a wedding otherwise we'd get upcharged to hell .

hes not with the Sh.ambali anymore but part of me wonders if he keeps anything from them around. theyre based in Nepal so they have both Hindu & Buddhist cultures . ((which upon doing some Googling(tm) i did find out abt kusha rings (theyre grass rings you have to exchange first before the real ones) and i . find it very sweet .)) the Sh.ambali is like...technically supposed to be its own thing so i dont think thered be any outright exacts when it comes to weddings. but i think there would definitely be some bleed-through just from the event of them just living and being in Nepal.

we havent seen any o.mnic centric weddings in o.vw yet and i WOULD LIKE TO!! we get to see a funeral and we've been told over & over that o.mnics are considered as One Generation. and a generation that can feel when one of them dies at that. so i think they would have at least something special kind of in mind. that && the Sh.ambalis general message being about being together in harmony makes me feel theyd have something to kind of thing to welcome someone as if theyre one with them. or something.

in fact one little fun ov.erwatch fact is that the Sh.ambali really like to use food as a way to "spread peace & empathy to those they pass" so if maybe only subconsciously i think he would do the same. which is great for me because i love food!!!!!!!!!!

this is definitely also like. a Me thing but i think hed probably do something like..like hes purple and im red i think hed go crazy with some kind of. purple sunset vibe of colors around.

honestly could not tell you what he would want to wear i think if he had a suit id explode but also itd be the most normal thing to wear anyways that if he did anything different id explode harder . you know? except you dont know . i didnt say that . who said that?

[night-vale-s-new-neighbour]

Year 1 - Episode 5 : The Shape in Grove Park

Notes in messy order:

Warning ! long post !

Cecil, your hypnosis trick isnt working on me. Cool ok, historical shape ok cool, blood circle is a great addition

the green market "um ? how about we sell fruits now ?" Whaaaaaat, i could never imagine that. WHAAAAT ????? insane dude, super controversial.

Nightvale scorpion lets goooo and of course. Something horrible happens LMAOOOOOOO SECOND HEAD IS BETTER YO WHAT THE FUCK ?????? FUCKED UP MOM ?

"there s a real turrantula problem" insane fear "teach a spider to read, stop the madness" WHY IS CECIL WHISPERING IN MY EAR ??? BITCH ?

oh god, sponsor message head in hands brother we just want a huddle man. plus wednesday got canceled i feel like there is morse code

Rida Hayworth ? is she like important ANGEL SAID IT NO CAP

oh what happen shape "in their super human mercy" YA MAN I WAS THINKING THAT TOO cecil ? what is happening ? yo why are you being so self aware ?

ok fall show. seems normal So far, so good ok, not as normal but not the worst seems like you are trying to recute for the military but ok, cool beans

Of course, the green market. Wow incredibly informative

On the moon ? CARLOSSSSSSS <3333333 flat earther cecil, insane "We try" humans in a nutshell

the opposite of americans way of teaching i love that for math and english DUDE WHY ARE THEY BANNING ASTROL PROJECTION WTF modified sumarian let's go

EXISTANTIAL DREAD :D ! ok it's just about the shape now :) FUUUUUUCK DUDE CECIL wait maybe a W WHY DOES EVERYONE DIE ??????????

weather soooong “:♡.•♬✧⁽⁽ଘ( ˊᵕˋ )ଓ⁾⁾+:•∴ this is actually a really good song ? i really enjoy it

existantial dread p.2 i dont think so but ok cecil, your life is meaningful. "we do not have answer. i'm not even sure we have questions" wow, that s kinda powerful goodnight cecil

[cosmossystem]

Hi again! Sorry we didnt reply right away we were busy yesterday. And also overwhelmed because i dont think we’ll be able to keep up that length of message after the intro lmao. We visited our mom yesterday, we do that almost every week because we’re trying to move our stuff from our mom’s house to our new apartment. But it’s an ordeal because we just have a cart and public transit, mom cant drive either and stepdad’s car doesnt work.

We also sometimes write down things about our friends that we want to remember, but we keep forgetting and falling out of the habit of doing it. Might try to start doing that again, maybe in a new journal. We used to have really bad memory barriers before most of us merged into a subsys. The subsys might end up as one fused alter eventually, but final fusion for the whole system is NOT what we want. We’d be depressed without all our friends and our brain husband.

Idk what else to talk about, is there anything you’d like us to elaborate on in our original message? Also, how are you? How was your day yesterday and/or today? Youre staying in a dorm, so youre in college right? We tried to do college, might go back to learn ASL because it’s useful, but we can only handle one class at a time and it has to be in person. Idk why, our brain just isnt good at school. All throughout elementary, middle, and high school we were consistently a D student at best, but on tests we always scored higher than average students, so we were always described as “very smart but very lazy” because we didnt do any classwork or essays or homework and only did tests. We got into gifted and advanced classes based on test scores. Our mom always insisted there were no mental issues going on but there was probably something, we weren’t really “lazy”, we spent every moment of our time working on personal ambitions like writing stories or calculating how many dragons are in each tribe in wings of fire. We still havent figured out why we sucked at school honestly. What classes are you taking? How are you doing in them? Also feel free to not answer any questions if they make you uncomfy, im just asking for the sake of conversation, you can talk about whatever you want and just ignore all the questions too 🍄

wow i'm so sorry i left this ask in the askbox for so long!! i think i opened the inbox at some point on accident, saw this ask, and then forgot that i didn't answer it :')

don't ever feel like you have to keep up w/ long messages! honestly seeing so much info at once id a lot for me to take in so it's a lot easier to respond to shorter stuff… BUT, that shouldn't stop you from talking either! if you have a lot to say i will listen!

wow that sounds hard!! a new apartment is a big deal though!! so that's great and i'm happy for you! do you like the new place? even though moving is tough i could imagine it'd be exciting to have a brand new apartment~ i hope that's going well for yall!!

i get that tbh i'm not rly good at it either, it's really difficult to keep up a habit yknow? and actually same here about integration, we could never do full integration that would be SO stressful and upsetting i think it would just make us split again :']

we're… ok, not fantastic. finally got to the doctor and got a letter for accomodations! it's… not everything we need but it's a start i guess. i don't want to get too into it here but this has been a verrrrrrry rough week because we have one specific class that requires a group project and… the group has been sort of bullying us and the professor won't do anything about it :') so i've been incredibly drained and dealing with flare ups this week and spent most of my free time just trying to relax (read: age regress, nap, play animal crossing, and watch movies with my internal caretakers.)

yes in college! a freshman! which makes us a little late to starting but whatever. we're doing an art major so all of our classes (except for one) are art courses! kinda similar to you, we score high on the work we do but end up falling behind quite often due to audhd or our chronic illness… so we're passing in all of them but often just barely :'D i relate a bit to the "very smart but lazy" thing bc when we were little we missed a lot of days of school because school was a chore to get to, but when we DID go we often scored high and got good grades that only got dragged down bc of our lack of attendance… i think one year i missed something like 20 days of school!! and no things have not improved LOL. oh but i also want to take ASL classes too! i asked my advisor about it and (at risk of doxxing us here) she said that they have started offering them but i couldn't take them bc they booked up SO QUICK that no seats were available… and then right before the fall semester started, they cancelled the course????? and they didn't bring it back for the spring???? idk it's weird. anyway there's other places around us offering ASL courses so if push comes to shove, we'll take one of those over the summer :P

anyway, all of our in-person classes are over so we're home for the next month or so. i do have a few finals left to finish up but after next week i'm done. and right now i'm tired… so i'm taking a bit of a break to rest.

[helloiamduck]

DON'T DISCONECT ME!!!!! WHO EVER YOU ARE! I HATE BAD PIZZA SO GO SOMEWHERE ELSE!!!

signed

-SUM RAND0ME GUY

when can someone eat sour chease please note I hate bad hat emails subscribe to my youtube chanel!

[more writing coming soon?]

please reply

give me back my hat

no

why?

BECAUSE I NEED A HAT TO THROW AWAWY

break it up you 2

no

noooo

ok then i will blow you up!

[everyone left the conversation because their phones exploded?]

[everyone bought new phones to continue the argument?]

…………………

stop spaming

…………………………. …………………………… …………………………………………………….. ……………………………………………………….

[the spamer was kicked by the spamed?]

pits of my arm!

stop

no

ok

[?pop]

!esle ro ,ti pots

on

?sdrowkcab gniklat ew era yhw

.wonk tnod I

]?depilfnu saw txet[

yay it works!

{NEW conversitory}

A: Yay, an update

B: Ugg, not this again

[B: nicknamed themself "Ay max"?]

Max: Hey Baymax, I am satisfied with your care

B"ay max:": I'll leave

[[Max,B] left together?]

SCAMMER: slow daay for fishing

A: what you fishing for

SCAMMER: fish

A: Understandable have a great day

B"ay max:": HALLO IM STILL HERE

SCAMMER: who is this gie/ crazy nut poop head face??! SCAMMER: WHO IS THIS GUY SOMEONE TELL ME?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!

ad: FREE V-BUCKINGS

[B"ay max": nicknamed SCAMER "I hate 'notch'"?]

B"ay max": I am agent 444 of the scam police.

[B"ay max": nicknamed himself "SCAM POLICE"?]

SCAMMER"I hate 'notch'": noooo

B"SCAM POLICE": YES

[SCAM POLICE kicked SCAMMER,SCAMMER,SCAMMER ?]

[B"SCAM POLICE": removed /nickname"SCAM POLICE"/ from himself?]

A: ?for?

B: Well that was sorta a trick!

A: LOL!!

[B: added /c/ to conversatory?]

c: hi!

c: who is here?

A: HI!

B: HOPE ZYOI LIKE PIZZA!

ZYOI'bot': I AM BOT

ZYOI'bot': Pizza orderd

ZYOI'bot': Delivering to each of you-- /C/ peporoni /B/ Olive /A/ just dough

ZYOI'bot': Thanks for ordering! bye!

c: ?!?!

c: why!!!!!!!!!!

B: just cause!

c: no… A ordered just dough

A: yum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

c: !????????????????????????????!

AD: get messagr for free

A: LOL

c: Isnt that what we have?

B: YEP!

A/B/c: LOL!!!

A: Hey 'B' can i install bot I made?

B: What it is?

A: It can controll other people in the group's smart houses. A: anyone can execute on anyone else's!

C: ok

B: sure

A: ok , link: www.example.com/upload-download/1AF5C

{BOT ADDED TO CONVERSITORY!!!! LOADING… <><><>} {NAME: JOE} {USE /HOME [USER] [ACTION] }

JOE'bot': A's living room is now red. changed by: C

A: SEE!

C: wow!

JOE'bot': A's messagr conversatory "B's room" message 'HIE' sent by: B

A: HIE

B: so i can send stuff?

C: yes!!

A: yeah but please don't that's still expiramential!!

B: OK

C: K

B: Does anyone want more of zyoi pizza?

A: no

C: no

B: ok

ZYOI'bot': SAD! ;(

[helloimcomet]

ophelia

hi friend!!!!!!! how have u been? isnt the weather outside so nice today? U been eating? whatre you doing rn? are you happy? are you sad? are you angry? do u want to see me? do u wna meet up? what r u wearing? have you bought anything recently? R U getting out of bed?  did u brush ur teeth last night? what about this morning? have u combed your hair? r ppl being mean to u? do you like anyone? Do u love anyone? do u think everyone deserves love? How Much Money Is In Your Bank Account? did u get my zelle transfer? have u checked your email? any new messages? isnt the internet great? How many friends do you have? are we friends? Am i your Best friend? whats ur password? can we pls hop on call? Can we play a game? do u want a sweet treat? gotten any health scares recently? Am I pretty? Are you pretty? do you think about me? have you mentioned me to your family? Whats your address? Do u evr dream? what do you dream about? what do u wna be when you grow up? Are you alone right now? if i died, would u d̴̛͕̭̘̎̒̚ͅį̶̧̣̣̺͉̖̒̋̾ę̶͔̬̻̠̩̮̇͊́͘ ̷̮̆̂w̶̰͕̱̙̭͑̅̎̍i̶̘̒́̽̏͑͌̈͝t̷̺͙͔̋̉̋̓̋̚ḧ̴̨̫̫̱͙̺͆ ̷̘̖͍͔̓͐̆̓́͘͝m̶̧̨͚͈̳̱̳̅e̷͖͋̎͒̈́̒͘͝d̷̬̭͙̑̍͑̈́̋̑̓̈́ỉ̸̺͉̠͓̗͓̜͎͈̼̤̗̑͊͂̂͌͗͐͆̂̔́̕͘͜e̴̖̦̣̓̑̇͒͂̀͋̇́͘̚ ̸̛̗̣͚̞͔̞̣̠̠͊̆́͊̒͆̃̂͝w̶͕̪̥̼̩̬̠̥̼͛̇̃̑̓̄̇̆̔̓͠í̸̼̘̼̓̐̍̈̍̓̇̇̂͑̅͑͝͠t̶͉̜̣̲̖͖̬̫͒̔̑̽͛̉͂̐̑̅ḧ̵̡̬͍̦̣̺̥͚͈́̍́̃͗̌ͅ ̷͍̩̮̃̋̾̅̀̋̉̽̆̔̕̕m̵̪͖͋̓̐̌ȩ̸̱̫̮͚̹̠͕͊͜ͅ?̷̛̞̠̟͚̗̬̻̬̩͔̰̦͉̾̄̓̈́͒̌̕͜ͅ?̸̼̺̻̿̓ḑ̵̧̨̡̨̨̨̛̯̩͚̹͎̞͚̼͖̻͍̲̜̰̼͔̤̲̖̘̳̥̯̗͈̓̄͌̅́͋͜͜͠͝ĩ̸̳̗͂͑̏͗ͅͅę̷̩̗͍̳̮̹̩̗̤̟̿̉̆ͅͅ ̵͉̝̹͇̯͓̬̏͒͆̆͝͝w̷̡̢̡̖̯̺͈̞̥̫͒͆́̏͆̉̀̄̏͌͗͑͐̀̉̆̉͜į̵̛͓͕̣̜̪̥͙̙̺̥͉̖̗͎͚͖̱͙̬̱̫̖̻̜̫͉͈̱̜̰͎̦̮̒́̆͗͗͌̑͆̀̂͌̀͌̑̾̓̿́͒͋́͋̀̽͒̏͊̎̕͘͜͠͠ͅͅţ̷̧̡̧̢̧̮̯̱̠̮̪̣̼͈̬͉̮̭̻̼̠̺̖̥͖̙̬̺̭̳̻̤̣͍̺͈͗͜͜ͅh̷̡̨̛̙̰̙̤͚̤͕̤̳͉̞̝̲̞͚̥̗̟̫̱̱̳̣̱̭̲̤̼̝̠̜̅̂̽̂́̉̃̾̔̅͋́̒̂̽̿̈́̆̏́̿̕͜͝ͅ ̶̡̧̡̧̡̭̪͙̘̮̻̱̥̰͙̪̯̤͇͈̯͎̜̱̯̰͙̪͖̪̼̉͌̊̄ͅͅm̸̧̨̨̨̡̛̫̦̮̱͇͍̖̰̙͇͎̱̱̪̺͎̮̲̘̜̼͚̪̩̞̦̘͔̜͍̺̼͓̻͆̓̉̀̃͐̆̑̎̌͌͛͑͛͑̉̿̽͋̐̏͘̕̕͝ͅę̷̢̡̡̛̞̹͓̻̞͎̞̙͇̠̻͉͉͓͖͚̭͎̗͈͇̠̟̮͇̬̬̣̤̝̜̫̹̈̐̎͋͋͐̈́̾̉̈́̇͗̉͊̎̆͐̂̓̿̀͆́͒̿̆͗̏͆̓̈́̅̀̌̏̓̏̕̚͘͜͠?̴̣̮̉̿̉̓͂̀̉̌͛̔̽͑̉͊͂͊̏͋̂̒͒͊̀̾̋̀͗͜͠

Wow, that was a great talk! Hope we can do this again soon! <3

[prentissluvr]

hi! not sure if rqs are open rn, so i wont request anything rn, just wanted to say i absolutely adore your writing!! youre probably my favorite author that i've discovered on here so far! <333

also! haha i feel silly asking, but do you have any tips for new/aspiring writers? im looking to start writing fanfics, but i feel like im kinda awful at writing 😭😭 i think my problem is a lack of like.. emotions behind it?? like.. IDK im not sure how to make it really come to life.. it seems so dry and lifeless when i write?? im not sure how to describe it. hope this isnt a bother, have a super great day!! ^__^ much love

hello there sweetest!! this is such a sweet message ahhh thank you so so much!! like seriously wow that is such a kind and flattering thing for you to say about me, you're making me feel so special heheheh <333 i'll be thinking about this a lot that's for sure!! grinning like an idiot right now for real <33

as for requests, general reqs are closed but i have an event going on right now that is very open for requests! you can request a drabble or other type or req on there or you can wait until i reopen requests! which will be after i finish the event, likely in a couple of weeks!

as for your question, that's not silly at all to ask! writing can be overwhelming at first because there's so much that you see out there and a lot of it can be very different and feel like something you can't quite achieve, plus you don't have a set method of how you go about things yet as you first start! so don't feel silly at all!!

i wrote a lot more than i intended so i apologize for how long this got!

i'm gonna be sort of blunt here, but i mean it will all the love in my heart i promise. unless you are like a total natural with some sort of god given talent for writing, i sort of don't think it's possible to not suck a little bit when you first start. when i first started writing IT SUCKED SO BAD!!! and that's okay! basically i think it is so so important for new writers to not set their expectations too high, especially because writers you might be comparing yourself to have been practicing for years (in my case it's been 6 years already which is crazy lol). it's so so so okay for your writing not to be any sort of masterpiece, it can be basic or cringe or lack depth or be all of those things at once, because genuinely i think that's where we all started. i think the act of just writing, no matter what the quality is, is the most important part of getting into it.

that being said, it's great to seek out advice or ways to make your writing better. that's something i disregarded for a long time lol so if you're actively trying to improve your writing, you'll grow faster!

also, writing is just hard in general! and one of those really hard things is definitely putting emotion into your writing, especially if you feel like you're forcing it. i don't necessarily have like solid step by step advice for this issue, but i hope that something i say could be of help to you!

i think that the best way to bring your writing to life is probably to focus on the emotions and the liveliness of your characters. sometimes as writers we may become too focused on getting the plot right or getting the characters from point a to b, but it's really important to slow down and add details about what the characters feel as they move from point a to b and what's motivating them to do so. it's okay to abandon the plot for a good paragraph or two just to describe what the characters are feeling about the situations that you're putting them in.

i think that two ways i use to bring a character to life is through expressing their emotions and their wants! for emotions, you can simple just state them! it works effectively and remains readable. you can state emotions within your prose, while describing voices/how someone said something, or through actions and facial expressions. ex: "he was upset because ..." | "... she says, sounding annoyed/happy/literally any emotion." | "his eyebrows were pinched in worry." | "they rolled their eyes at the suggestion."

for wants, i think it works similarly! what a character wants is such a big part driving force of how they are going to act. what are they doing about that want? are they acting on it or not? if you write "in that moment, all you want to do it kiss her. but you don't," then it's pretty clear what your character is feeling about "her", but it's also showing that they are also feeling hesitant because of some other thing in play. and i think a big part of bringing life to things is showing how characters feel + what they want and how that interacts with their circumstances, or creates conflict or solutions. that all being said! start simple and try not to overthink that sort of thing! it just could be nice to have that idea floating around in the back of your mind as you work.

dialogue may also be a part of this! for more realistic or lively dialogue, see how the lines feel when you say them out loud (whispering or mouthing them can work too! or just trying to read it in the sort of tone/way you're imagining it would be said!) this helps me see if it sounds natural.

another factor is just going to be personal style, and of course that comes with time and just continuing to write! while you read books or fanfic, try to figure out what you think makes that writing come to life, and don't be afraid to try and emulate that in your own writing! but most importantly, be patient with yourself and give yourself time to grow! and don't be afraid to keep asking for advice or anything like that! there's plenty of people like me who are willing to beta read or edit or give feedback on things you've written if that's something you want. you can also start out just writing for yourself until you feel comfortable publishing it, again if that's something you want.

once again, sorry this is so so long lol but i do hope something here can be of help to you!! i also was already thinking about making a writing tips post when you sent this ask, and since it turns out i've got a lot to say LOL i'll also be posting a list of a few writing tips that i've got floating around in my brain!

[famouslastwrdz]

its 7am and im still drunk from what i had at 9pm.

i cant write when im drunk we know this, all full of words that dont mean anything to each other, empty sentences in a crowded room of bullshit metaphor making small talk saying oh hows your mother where are those shoes from hey uhhh has anyone mentioned the elephant in this room haha

but still i open my little notes app and put some words down because hey if i cant write then i cant think.

so, i digress. im still drunk but hey at least i stopped puking 2 hours ago. and theres things i want to talk about but im in the corner at this word party and nobody wants to introduce themselves to me so i can start a damn sentence

so, ill go with so again.

so i nearly pass out and im laid on his lap, and he's stroking my hair, and we're under a tree at midnight and he's had a pint and ive had, what, half a bottle of straight vodka and an additional bottle of wine. and whatever painkillers i could find. shhhh on that one, keep it quiet, dont tell tim. not that tim would know or care, in his own lonely drunken stupor in red's spare room.

so you kinda get the gist of my plight there. ya boy was struggling.

so i stand up, and he puts a hand to steady my back, and it stings.

and i sit down on the ground and lean forward, miserablewhisper hey im gonna be sick. and i spit, and then some of the vodka comes up. great! cool. get it out of my system. and then some more comes up. yep, still cool. thats fine. its all liquid, nothing else in my system. nothin but alcohol calories and a dream.

he opens tiktok on the bench he's sat on and i cant speak for spitting and i know its awkward for him but all i want in that moment is for someone to hold my hair back. drunk enough still to admit to crying even when writing this but i dont want to hold my own hair back anymore. i do it every godforsaken day on this planet hunched over on the bathroom floor i dont want to do it anymore. i want someone to just grab my fringe for me, tuck the smaller framing pieces of hair away,  get the length out of my face. i want him to hold my hair back. i just want him to do that instead of messaging coworkers late at night he doesnt even KNOW i purge anymore he doesnt know.

he walks me home, though. and on the way back he asks if im drunk in the brian way or the okay way. and i cant even turn to him, spinning as the world is, but i laugh. what the fuck is the brian way. does he mean the brian way- nancyboytasteinmen? prettyboy wasted with my eyeliner down my face and easy? or the brian way- slowdisease stumbling home with a system full of slowwwww liquid suicide?

i just really hope he means the latter.

so i laugh, again, dry with gerd and dehydration, and i say no its the okay way. of course its not the okay way you blind fucking fool this isnt just social nicety type of drunk i cant see and nothing is real and youre ASKING me if this is okay. look at me. please look at me, take a real fat fucking look, theres sick in my hair because i couldnt raise my arms enough to hold it back and theres makeup down my neck and im actively using you as a crutch and im bleeding. theres blood down my back and its probably making your hand stick to my shirt and it hurts so much i cant reach to bandage it but no this is fine its the okay way. just please, can you look at me. i cant do any of this on my own anymore.

all i wanted is for him to hold my hair back for me and now i get a discord notification at the end of writing this and the lord in heaven can really time it, wow, if it aint a sign then im not a motherfucking believer.

and if youll excuse me, im heading to bed before the world's spinning takes me over.

[applejuiceaddictyo]

hey bro, again sorry for dippin the past coupla days. been busy an i aint had much time to front. gunna take a shower after sendin this so might take a minute to respond, but not doin it again, promise.

went through and read what i missed the past couple days. prolly aint gonna be able to address all of it but fuck, we can try. uhh, sweet on the haircut, wish i could get our hair like mine but fuck if i want to use gel, that shit feels like satan. the classpectin goes hard, forget what our overall one is but i know it was some wild shit. aint done one for myself i don think, maybe ill need to try it out.

more importantly, hope yer feelin better. hate seein that youve been down the past few days. i know sayin it wont make you believe it, but you aint just the 'less real' version of dave. i love ya, kid. sure a ton of other people do too, but. yeah. not just your source neither, i like you as a person now. youre real damn funny and witty, got me grinnin like an idiot over half the shit ya say.

less real note, orange creamsicle frostys are bangin, and i see that damn mccafferty reference. felt on the reviewin shitty music too. i love doin that with movies, 'ts hilarious. gotta go back to yer roots with the ironic enjoyment of media and allat.

goddamm thats a long ass message. you know what else is long? im not finishing that sentence

did you...seriously go though all the posts you missed? thats. wow. thats some dedication, i salute you. o7 in the chat

gonna attack all that shit in one paragraph. be prepared. ALRIGHT. you should totally classpect yourself. itd be funny if you still got prince though and ended up stuck with those poofy ass pants

ok i lied i cant look at a paragraph that big without it hurting my poor sweet eyes. not doing that. anyway im...kinda doin better? honestly that shit just happens at random and i wait it out. usually turns out ok. but uh. thank you. i mean the 'a ton of other people love you' thing isnt really accurate but its nice to know that theres one or two out there (besides the other people in sys)

only half the things i say though? damn. gotta up my game

wooow you caught the extremely obvious mccafferty reference(s), how impressive. id give you a trophy but those are kinda lame. maybe one of the cheap plastic "youre a star!" ones

ill never stop loving consuming shitty media man. one of my favorite youtubers routinely tortures himself with it and its fucking great