#wow almost done w this lil project

[notsomeloncholy]

Paintchip Link (to go with his princess)

[miscelunaaa]

spin cycle 7 | jjk

pairing: jungkook x female reader

genre: drabble series, slow burn, idiots to lovers, fluff, lil bit of angst, eventual smut

summary: This random guy has started doing laundry at your favorite laundromat each week (at the same time as you, no less!) and to be honest, it’s going to be a problem. You’re just not sure how yet.

rating: 18+ for eventual smut

word count: 500 exactlyyyyy

warnings: Jungkook being a simp for sweater paws. Both reader and Jungkook being socially awkward. A teeny Namjoon.

notes: Special thanks to @thatlongspringnight and @illneverrecover for helping me out with some language at the beginning, I really appreciate it! Also, a reminder that the tag list is open for this series! Message me or send an ask if you want to be added. Enjoy!

note 2: I know I said that I post, generally, on Mondays, but I’m getting my fourth covid vaccine dose tomorrow (it’s my booster! I’m immunosuppressed) and will likely be in bed chugging water and cuddling husbeard’s pillow for most of the day. So, with that in mind, have a drabble! Happy Sunday and see you soon :)

series masterlist | read on ao3

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Jungkook isn’t expecting you to look that cute in his sweatshirt. At all.

He’s not sure what came over him. He’s going to get cold without it, but, then again, he’s got two identical black hoodies (oversized, as he prefers) in the wash right now. He’s happy to lend it, he decides, because you look so fucking cute. It fits you perfectly, though the sleeves are a bit long. It gives you sweater paws. He’s never going to complain about a girl having sweater paws while wearing his hoodie.

“I’m Jungkook, by the way,” he says awkwardly.

“I’m Y/N,” you reply quietly. Your voice is soft, but not weak. Strong, but not louder than necessary.

“Sooo—” Jungkook feels his social anxiety creeping up his spine, “—Two AM laundry, right?” Nice, Kook, real smooth.

“Yeah, never thought someone else would do laundry at the same time as me. Ever.”

Are you annoyed? You sound annoyed. Jungkook’s brain is running about as fast as it can to find a subject to switch to.

“Yeah, I just moved at the beginning of the school year because my roommate started teaching at the university so new place, new laundromat, I guess.”

“Seems like an awfully novel time for laundry,” you press. You seem less annoyed, maybe? Maybe its just wishful thinking. Your brow is still furrowed—wow, you have nice eyebrows—but your jaw is no longer doing that weird, tense thing. Namjoon’s does it too actually. It’s scary.

“I’m in freelance and I’ve got a few clients who have weird schedules. This time just works for me as a wrap up to my day.” Okay, that was pretty good actually. Jungkook’s making the work he’s doing for Jin’s passion project sound way cooler than it actually is.

The look on your face is blank, as if you’re trying to decide what to say.

Jungkook scratches his neck. “So, um, what are you doing here so late?”

Your gaze flickers up to his, meeting it for a fleeting moment before falling back to the ground. “I’m a night owl.”

That’s it. That’s all you give him.

“Cool, same honestly.” At least it’s the truth. God, he’s so garbage at talking to you. He can almost picture Namjoon rolling his eyes at how awkward this conversation feels. Too bad he’s not here to do all the talking.

“Cool,” you repeat back quietly. “I’ve got work I need to get done. I can wash this next week and give it back to you, if that’s okay?”

“Oh.” Right, the hoodie. Do you smell good? Jungkook wonders if you smell good, and if there’s a way to find out before next week. Maybe he can keep you from washing it so that it stays smelling like you.

Is that weird?

Somewhere in his mind, there’s a tiny Namjoon haunting his neurons. At this question, the tiny Namjoon shouts “YES” and then laughs at the way it echos against his skull.

“Yeah, that’s totally fine. No rush.”

Thank you for reading! Drop me an ask and tell me what you think. Find me in various places at my carrd :)

©miscelunaaa 2021-2022. My work is only found on this blog and under my ao3 pseud. Do not, under any circumstances, copy or repost my work. Thank you.

posted: 1.30.2022. updated: 4.2.2022 with front matter fixes.

[wqk-k]

Obey Me Brother react to an idol!MC

 hi this is my first set of headcanons for the brothers  👉👈 i apologize if the brothers are ooc in this, though i tried my best jksajdufhj. i hope you enjoy!

++++

Warning(s): Cursing

Reader Pronouns: They/Them (4A)

Background: MC is a very popular idol in their world, best known for their impressive singing skills, music and the amount of rewards they have recieved because of their talents. Surprisingly, they aren’t only popular in their world, but in the Devildom and Celestial Realm as well.

++++

Lucifer

since lucifer didnt actually read who you were on the paper that had blown to his feet, he had no idea you were an idol at first

but after couple days at RAD, he noticed that random demons kept coming up to you in between classes and didnt leave until the next class started

most of them had come up to you with a pen and some paper asking for your autograph

he was just like ??? 

after a while of this happening luci decided to just ask you straight up why they were coming up to you like that and you had told him you were an idol back in the human realm

that explains it

he honestly doesnt mind

if people start hating on you in public, he’ll honestly just shoot them a death glare and it works

so damn well

he got too much pride to deal with those underlings

if you start working on music/mv projects that you left off on in the human realm (like shooting mv or singing) he will absolutely rent you a recording booth or fuck, even a whole ass theatre if you needed it

sometimes he likes to sit in the recording booth and listen to you sing for a bit before returning to his stacks of mammon’s bills 

v proud of you dont get him wrong

but he will make sure you’ve done all your homework first LMAO 🛌

Mammon

when mammon first found out you were an idol he started digging through boxes that had been in his closet

after what seemed like hours he finally found the box he was looking for and he started to dig through it

he pulled out an old camera that levi gave him a couple hundred years ago bc he said he didnt need it

mammon had the best idea ever, he could sell pictures of you to your fans for at least 10,000 grimm each.

surprisingly it worked

like really well

so well that you found out

you confronted him about it, saying that you find hella uncomfy with him snapping pictures of you at random times. not only that but it was an invasion of your privacy

despite him earning so much grimm, he agrees to stop but keeps some of the pictures to himself to look at when he misses you 

if you get hate in public he’ll turn into his demon form and scare the person away, maybe scaring you in the procees but apologizes right away if he does

if you start working on music/mv projects he’ll offer to help you shoot mvs or record you singing if you need the help

just make sure he gets some credit for helping you

but he genuinely thinks you look amazing in anything, like anything

you could be wearing a big bird cosplay and he’ll think you look breathtaking

gets you to model w him sometimes

Leviathan

wait you look really familiar

really really familiar

you almost look and sound like that one really popular human idol that hes simped for time and time again

wait

oh shit

v embarrassed when he finds out it is actually you and gets really nervous when hes talking to you

is the demon asking for your autograph

but you have no idea how much power you have over this man

you could tell him to come out of his room and he’d come out with ease, no protesting, no nothing

may ask you to record a ringtone for him for when he wakes up

even after months of you two knowing each other, he still gets flustered when you start talking to him with your stupid cute ass eyes and your perfect hair and your perfect voice and your perfect-

yeah you get the point AKJSDKLASFBG

if you get hate in public he will deadass growl at the person before escorting you to your favorite ice cream place

if you start working on music/mv projects he will be by your side 24/7

he wants to see the god/ess themselves at work

hes like your personal butler for the time youre working on the projects and its adorable

hes bby

Satan

when he finds out youre an idol he will 100% voulenteer to help you write lyrics for your next song

but besides that, like luci, he really doesnt mind

he hears some other demons talking shit about you after art class and he’ll be angy as usual, but after stomping off and accidentally bumping into you he just

turned into puddy??

idk what it was but it was something abt they way your hair was a lil messed up and looking at him like that wish a small embarrassed look

just wow

every ounce of anger just evaporated while you apologized over and over again because the face he was making made him look like he was angry for some reason 

when he snaps back into reality he says its cool but then asks if youd like to go to the library w him because honestly youre his safe haven now

sometimes he asks you to hum a tune for him when hes reading

if the demons start hating again, you may need to hold him back KJASNDJFG 

if you start working on music/mv projects, again, will voulenteer for helping with lyrics

if you already have the lyrics down he’ll review them and give constructive critisisim if needed

or he’ll just write every lyric himself and you can judge it after hes done

Asmodeus

is not surprised at all

hes actually heard some of your songs and damn id he doesnt have them on his “on repeat” playlist on devilfy

he thinks you have an outstanding voice, not only that but youre a gorgeous lookin thing

asmo likes to hit on you a lot because he likes to see that flustered look on your face but he would never over your boundaries

he wouldnt want to be over the internet bc he made one of the most praised artists in devildom (thats not even a demon) angry

asmo doesnt want to be cancelled yet JKSJKDGFUA

but seriously, he thinks youre amazing

like really amazing

there like no lust involved in his admiration for you he just geniunely thinks youre cool

but he does think you look amazing 24/7

will ask you to model things for him for devilgram

if you get hate in public, he’ll hold your hands and shower you with compliments and tells you to ignore them

if you start working on music/mv project he will insist on doing backup vocals or being a backup dancer

or like the head backup dancer or whatever theyre called

is like your personal stylist wherever you go as well

along with that he can also help you come up with a beat for your song if you need one, he is more than happy to help someone like you

Beelzebub

he honestly thinks youre really cool

asmo showed him one of your songs before and thought it sounded really catchy

not only that, you sounded beautiful, almost like you were actually from the celestial realm, consider him a fan

so when you showed up for the new exchange program he was surprised but got really giddy

was one of the demons who asked for your autograph

you gave him a sweet smile after he asked and he just- melted

man down man down

will want to spend lost of time with you and take you to ristorante six on fridays as his treat

you usually end up paying though which he feels really guilty about but you tell him its fine

youre an idol who is loaded to the chest, youve got nothing to lose KLSKADJHF

if you get hate in public he’s also the type to death glare but people dont really hate on you in public when youre w him bc he has a naturally scary aura

lowkey thought you wouldnt like him at first :(

if you start working on mv/music projects he’ll start cooking you meal and making sure you get enough water

will absolutely cook your favorite meal- or any meal in fact- if you request it

if you dont request anything he’ll just wing it and make something he think you’ll like kjskdhsf

Belphegor

couldnt care less  🧍

he thinks your voice is pretty nice tho

hears beel listening to your music once and agrees w him on you having a really nice voice

lowkey sing him to sleep

like its super cute

plus he thinks youre gorgeous?? like wow you rlly pretty

once tried rubbing your face bc he thought you were wearing makeup but when nothing came up on his thumb he muttered a small “wow” and hugged you

it was the cutest thing ever ohmy god KJSJDSIF

ever since that day hes obtained a habit of rubbing your face when he finds you stunning or at random moments

if you get hate in public he will literally murder the person?? but in like an alleyway or something

he’ll say something like “wait here” and walks toward a dark area to do his thang

when he comes back he’s covered in this red shit and you worry for him but he just glosses over it and takes you into a pillow shop LMAO

he is v protective over you

if you start working on mv/music projects he’ll occasionally help out but most of the time he’s sleeping so he doesnt really care 

sometimes he’ll give beat/lyric suggestions or help flim the mv but thats it  🧍  

++++

[moonshroooms]

So like, here’s a part-angst-part-fluff Ponytail!Dib AU oneshot here ya go! I kinda imagined this lil scenario to be after but not-too-long after these Sad Idiots confessed their Undying Love to each other (I’m totally positive that’s the exact scenario reyna’s gonna take her au, trust me on this I’m a doctor).

Now the beginning of this is definitely more angst and Sad but it do get cuter at the end I promise VwV But anyways, here! *throws this on the ground and runs away*

=

Dib laid out all the ingredients on the counter, double checking he had everything the recipe called for. Flour, eggs, sugar, check, check, check. Getting everything without alerting Zim what he was up to had been more than a challenge but somehow he’d managed to get past the sneaky bug. All that was left to do was wait for Zim to be busy long enough to enact his plan.

“Alright, it’s a shortcake, how hard could it be?” He pulled up the recipe on his phone, mumbling to himself. Somewhere in the back of his mind a voice taunted that he’d mess it up somehow. He mentally shoved it into a box and sealed the lid. It’s fine, he’d be fine. Just follow the instructions, he could do that.

With his best attempt at a determined nod Dib opened up the flour, pulling a large bowl out of the cupboard, giving a glance at the instructions.

“Mix strawberries with sugar and ffuh mhmm…” His sentence trailed off as his brain rewired itself to focus on the strawberries. “Alright, strawberries first, then.” He dumped the carton of berries in a little bowl of their own, scooping out a few spoonfuls of sugar and stirring. And put them in the fridge. Okay, step one done. See? Wasn’t so bad. A part of him felt kind of dump pep-talking himself, but he knew how much his self-deprecation bothered Zim, so he was trying to fight it. Most said step one was talking positively, even if you didn’t really believe it, so that’s what he was gonna do.

Dib pulled out the flour and measured it, pouring it in the mixing bowl once it was at the right level. Next was baking powder, baking soda, sugar, and heavy cream. Dib ran his eyes across the bottle of cream for not the first time. The store didn’t exactly have just “heavy cream.” “Heavy whipping cream,” it read. The names were pretty close and he was going to try and make whipped cream anyways. It was probably the same, right? He couldn’t find anything saying it was different (not that he found anything saying it was the same, either). Somewhere that voice trapped in the box whispered that he was already fucking up. He was probably fine. If it was the only one the store had it was probably the most common one anyways.

As he mixed the ingredients together Dib allowed his mind to wander. That cold winter in his car, being sick in his apartment, lunch after lunch of carefully crafted meals, all wrapped in hearts and flowers. He found himself thinking about those times a lot. A large part of him laughed, wondering how he was able to jump through so many hoops to explain why Zim would go through all that trouble, what nefarious plot they could possibly be apart of, when the answer was (quite literally) written in front of him. A larger part said he was stupid if he really thought this was real, that this wasn’t just some long con at his expense and the ball would drop soon enough.

It wasn’t surprising the lunches were on his mind now, anyways. It’s what spurred the baking adventure he was currently on. Zim tried so hard despite Dib’s bad attitude, his denial, even his blatant refusal to eat at times. He wanted to return the favor, at least a little bit.

Dib let out a sigh as the mixture was finally done, rolling his shoulder a bit. Somehow the mixing was surprisingly tiring. Sure, he could keep up with the plots of an alien invader with technology far more advanced than his own since he was 12, but mixing cake batter was the real test of strength. Repetitive motion, he supposed. He poured the mix into the baking pan and stuffed it in the oven. Oh, shit, he forgot to preheat it. Did anyone really even do that? Seemed like a waste of power, honestly. He set his phone timer for an extra 10 minutes than the recipe called for, hoping that’d make up for it.

Alright, all that was left to do was the whipped cream. He was breezing through this recipe! He could almost imagine the look on Zim’s face when he got back. Sure, Dib didn’t have fancy wrapping paper, and honestly, the cake would probably look like shit. But as long as it tasted fine that was the most important part, right?

Dib pulled a separate bowl from the upper cupboard, combined the whipped cream ingredients, and got to work on stirring. The recipe said to use a mixer but he didn’t exactly have one of those, so he was stuck using good ol’ elbow grease. He tried to make up for it by mixing faster but figured the speed wasn’t gonna be a huge factor in the outcome.

Or, so he thought, at least.

Five minutes of mixing later and the cream hadn’t taken on any kind of fluffy quality. Just the same white goop. It was supposed to get light and fluffy two minutes in. Did he forget something? He rechecked the recipe. Cream, sugar, vanilla, lemon zest. It was all in there. Was he just not going fast enough? Maybe the mixer was more crucial than he thought. He plopped himself on the ground and kicked his whisking up a notch. Another few minutes and the only significant change was that the goop was maybe a little thicker. That, and he definitely got a good portion of it all over his shirt. Great.

Alright, the recipe did stress the heavy cream needed to be chilled before mixing. Did he let it sit outside the fridge too long? He could leave it in the freezer for a bit, let the cold firm it up a little? He swallowed down the rising disgust at himself, he was such a fucking idiot, he didn’t even know how to fix his mistake. Yeah, that’d work. With a grunt he got to his feet-

SMACK.

“Shit, goddamn it!” Dib instantly recoiled, clutching at the back of his head where the open cupboard lovingly smacked into his skull. He slammed the door shut with bang, the loud sound satisfying his anger a little bit. Stomping over to the freezer he shoved aside the assortment of raw meats and frozen veggies (things Zim planned on cooking at some point), and stuffed the whipped cream in, slamming the door shut.

“It’s fine, you’re fine. Nothing’s ruined, it’ll be fine.” Wow you’re trying really hard to sell this, huh? Can’t even convince yourself to buy your own words without lying first.

Dib leaned against the kitchen counter, silently fuming at the throb on the back of his head. He could feel self-loathing spilling into his brain like a fog, seeping out from that mental lockbox he tried to shove it in. He shook his head and did his best to focus on the goal. Zim would be so happy Dib made him a present, he’d get to see that huge smile that had his heart squeezing funny, ruby eyes lighting up with appreciation. The idea soothed his mind a bit. He could get through a few hang-ups if he got to see that expression and…

Was something burning?

“Seriously?!” Dib yelled as he pushed away from the counter. He threw the oven open and grabbed the baking tin only to recoil back in pain as his hand came into contact with the hot metal. Dib cursed, shaking out his hand and grabbing the oven mitt staring him in the face. Sure, go ahead, just fucking break yourself while making your thank you gift. Nothing says “I appreciate you” like making him clean up your fucking mess.

The tin landed on the stove with a clatter as Dib quickly turned away to grab ice for his hand.

Only to be greeted with a freezer that had whipped cream spilled all over it. The half-empty mixing bowl clattered to the floor as the door swung open, a few splatters of not-quite-frozen whipped cream leaping to the floor as it did. No, it’s fine, it’s okay. They could always just buy whipped cream at the store. He was pretty sure Zim wasn’t allergic to normal whipped cream anyways. You can’t even put something in the fridge without fucking it up? Why are you even bothering?

Dib stuffed a few ice cubes into a plastic bag and clutched his fingers around it. With a grimace he turned off the phone timer that only decided to start ringing just now and looked over the cake. Honestly, it wasn’t even burned that much, they could just not eat the bottom. Geez, you’re really going for a record trying to screw up every stage of this project huh?

Was the cake… supposed to look like a biscuit? He tore off a piece and popped it in his mouth. Was it also supposed to taste bland as hell like a biscuit, too?

Despite the bag of ice pain stabbed through the skin of Dib’s hand anyways, only adding to the misery of his failed creation. Look, he couldn’t expect things to be perfect. It was his first time trying to bake something. Plenty of people probably messed things like this up. You couldn’t even make a damn cake. Honestly, why did you even bother trying? How many other things have you fucked up that were way easier than cooking and you couldn’t even do those right? What made you think you could get this right?

Dib slid to the floor, focusing on the quiet sting of his burned hand. He felt that urge to visit the nearby drugstore. He might’ve bought a bottle of something, too, were his wallet not thoroughly cleaned out from buying all the cake ingredients. Couldn’t get drunk if he wanted to.

And damn he wanted to right now.

Amber eyes glanced around the kitchen, taking in the few splatters of whipped cream on the floor, quickly melting into puddles now. He… could at least up the mess he made before Zim got back.

The frown on his face deepened.

Well, knowing you, you’ll probably find a way to fuck that up, too.

 =

 Zim slid the window to the apartment open, wasting no time scurrying in and ripping off his disguise. How Gir escaped view of his cameras long enough to floor half the base he’d never know. Computer wasn’t any help telling him what happened either. Zim suspected whatever started the whole “beach party” idea was both Gir and Computer’s idea.

Zim’s internal ranting didn’t have long to continue before his now-freed antenna picked up the scent of something burnt, as well as something sweet and almost… milky? Compound eyes were greeted with a less-than-clean kitchen, used and abandoned cooking utensils, and a few tiny puddles of something melted on the floor. Confusion buzzed around the Irken’s mind before worry crept up his throat when he realized he couldn’t see Dib in the small space around him.

Slow-creeping dread dropped like a rock in his gut as anxiety moved his limbs. “Dib?” Zim called, receiving no answer. As terrifying rooftop rescues were at least they were known. What was Zim supposed to do for this new situation? What was the protocol?

His panic didn’t last for long as he skidded past the kitchen and caught sight of his human’s familiar form. Relief quickly flooded over him and he ran to Dib’s side.

“Dib-beast, what happened, are you okay?”

Dib jumped a little, as if startled from sleep, and looked at Zim. “Oh, hey space boy, welcome back.”

Zim frowned. Dib had that… look in his eyes that he didn’t like. That faraway look he often had during drunken hazes, staring off into nothing like there was a storm brewing in his head with threats of nothing good.

The alien grabbed Dib’s face with both hands, turning him left and right to check for injuries, Dib scrunching his eyes as he did. Zim pursed his lips when he noticed the melting pack of ice in his human’s grip.

“Burned myself on the stove, no biggie.” Dib shrugged. Zim’s brow furrowed, giving Dib’s cheeks a squeeze before getting up to grab some first-aid things.

“So, were you going to tell me what happened here or do I have to check the cameras?” Zim plopped back down next to Dib, pulling the injured hand into his lap to treat it.

Dib snorted. “Ha, nice try, I already found ‘em all.”

“Mhm, yup, you certainly did. No use looking for more, they’re all gone.”

Zim couldn’t resist a grin at the glare and eyeroll he received. He didn’t know if Dib had actually found all his cameras yet, but no sense in letting the stinky know if there were actually more or not.

“Sorry about the mess,” Dib mumbled. “I was gonna clean it up before you got back. I got kinda...” A sigh. “Distracted.”

Zim finished wrapping up Dib’s injury with a band-aid and glanced around the kitchen once more. It seemed to have been some sort of… baking attempt, from what he could gather. But why wait until he was gone to do it?

“You are forgiven… only if you tell Zim was all this-” he gestured to the mess “-was about.”

Zim watched his human’s expression as he started back at him, seeming to debate whether he wanted to elaborate or not. Finally, he looked away with a sigh and Zim thought he saw the slightest hint of a blush on his cheeks.

“I was uh, trying to bake.” Zim could only just barely understand Dib through his purposeful mumbling. “A cake. For, uh, for you. To say thanks, you know. For all the food you’re always making me.” As he spoke his cheeks got redder and he started scratching at the back of his neck, a habit Zim noticed he usually did when he was nervous. “As you can see it didn’t really work out that well.” Dib gave a laugh but it felt so hollow to Zim’s antenna. The kind of laugh you did when you were trying to assure others you were fine but couldn’t really put any effort in it.

As the Irken glanced around he could spot all the different bowls, measuring spoons, and other utensils his Dib used. He… tried really hard, didn’t he? And now he was on the floor, looking like the entire world was crashing down and it was his own fault. Sad and warm feelings both swirled around Zim’s gut, a confusing swirl of emotion he wasn’t sure how to process.

Zim placed his hand on Dib’s leg and leaned up to press his lips to Dib’s, much to the human’s surprise. Zim felt Dib stiffen only slightly before relaxing in his hold, reciprocating the kiss. Zim’s antenna instinctively wrapped themselves around the untied scythe of hair atop Dib’s head. Hmm, it was getting long. They’d need to cut it again soon.

Zim pulled back from the kiss only slightly, resting his forehead against Dib’s as he brought up a hand to stroke Dib’s cheek. “Thank you, Dib-beast.”

Despite the slightly flustered look Dib managed to pull himself together enough to furrow his brows. “For what? The cake’s not even good. Trust me, I tried it. All I managed to make is a huge mess.”

One of Zim’s antenna bent down to lightly bop Dib’s cheek. “For trying so hard to make something special for me. For going out of your way to make it a surprise. For telling me you appreciated the things I did.” Zim leaned forward to nuzzle against Dib. “Thank you for all of that.”

Dib let out a sigh and Zim felt arms wrap around his waist and hoist him into Dib’s lap. His human easily nuzzled into his shoulder and Zim did the same, feeling long legs bending up and resting against his PAK. They fell into their embrace so easily, like they were supposed to fit together. Zim was sure he’d be perfectly happy just sitting like this with Dib for the rest of time.

The two stayed like that for a long while, Dib’s lanky arms wrapped around Zim in a tight vice, Zim content to breathe in Dib’s presence. Eventually they were interrupted by a low grumbling centered at Dib’s stomach. Zim let out a snicker at the very graceful noise, earning him a slightly embarrassed “shut up” from Dib. Zim gave a smell peck on the lips to placate his human and rose to his feet, offering Dib a hand to help hoist him up.

“What do you say we try and make a cake some other time?” Zim offered. “Now that I know I’m owed a gift, of course.”

Dib looked down with a rueful smile. “Not worried I’ll mess it up?” He said with a slight scoff.

Zim’s brows furrowed as he rose up on his PAK legs to be at eye-level with his human. “Not at all because I know how smart you are. Besides,” Zim said, running a finger along a glob of wet goop and popping it in his mouth. Hm, slightly sweet. “You know baking is like, level 20 cooking, right?”

“Hah?”

“Yeah.” Zim reached into the fridge, looking for some leftovers for Dib, his eye spotting the tub of strawberries soaking in sugar. Oh, those looked good, they could probably use those tomorrow. “If you’re going to try something new you’re supposed to start at level 1, stinky. Most cooking you can just kind of eyeball how much seasoning you want for things. But baking is very exact a lot of the time. You humans took cooking and decided to make it as finicky as chemistry for no good reason.” He pulled a tub of spaghetti from the fridge and popped it in the microwave.

“With both of us tackling it we’ll make a cake that rivals anything some dookie-brained ‘top chef’ could make.” Zim plopped himself on a clean section of counter, antenna sticking up as he boasted for the both of them.

Dib scoffed with a laugh and pulled the spaghetti out of the microwave once it was done. He pulled a fork from the sink of yet-to-be-put-away dishes and leaned against the counter next to Zim. “If you say so, space boy.”

Zim’s antenna quickly accosted Dib’s hair as he neared, tangling and wrapping themselves into place, vibrating with a happiness that said they were exactly where they belonged. “I know so,” he replied matter-of-factly.

=

The two made the shortcake later that week, despite Dib’s quiet protests. Zim even stole obtained an electric mixer just for the whipped cream. Dib complained that Zim was making him do all the work (Zim’s repeated answer to that was “it’s a present for me, why should I have to do the work?”) Once it was all done though Dib had to admit, it didn’t look bad. Granted, it didn’t exactly look magazine-worthy, but it was presentable. Better yet, it actually tasted pretty damn good. Good enough that he had to fight Zim over the last piece.

For once, that voice inside his mental lockbox had nothing to say.

=

How in-character is this oneshot actually? It’s a mystery, who knows, certainly not me. It’s been sent out into the world how in character they are is no longer my problem that’s a y’all kinda issue now 💅🏽

Go! Take! A gander! At! @reynaruina ‘s Ponytail Dib! AU! If! You Like! To Cry! (Though things have been looking up in those little blurbs and comics reyna’s making so hopefully there will be less crying soon 🎉)

Fun fact: a huge chunk of Dib’s failure to make a strawberry shortcake from scratch was based on my own failed attempt. I still don’t know if there’s a difference between heavy cream and heavy whipping cream or if an electric mixer mattered. No, stuffing the whipped cream into the freezer didn’t help make it fluffy either. RIP my shortcake 2019-2019 🤘🏽😔

Double fun fact: Did you know apparently classic strawberry shortcakes are actually gross disgusting lumpy buscuit-ass lookin’ mutherfuckers and not fluffy sweet cake things? Whoever the hell thought purposefully bland cake was what strawberry shortcakes needed to be should be forced to step on legos forever. They also owe me 20 bucks cuz I thought I was making the sweet fluffy kind of cake and instead of forced to eat a flavorless biscuit with strawberries on it. EVIL.

[smutav]

So i posted the pictures I had for my xray and comic in this post here and I said id wait a year but I’ve decided I need to lay this project to rest and move on to what comes next. Its under the cut because its mad king heavy

the old man part was fully scripted out so I’m going to throw the script in here first then it’ll be just notes for the general plotline

(M) Old Man   = O1 / (J) Old Man   = O2 / Xray          = X / Vav           = V

we come in on Xray and Vav coming onto the scene but we start lookin at the old men

O2: "Uh Oh, the calvaries here" O1: "issit the popo? tell them they cant make me go back... to that horrible home... fulla old people..." O2: "No.. its those spandex kids again" O1: "Oh, the blue one confused me... so blue jus like those dirty cops" O2: "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE US ALIVE" [O2 throws something that lands nowhere near xray and vav] V : "Look you have to stop causing a ruckus!" O1: "ah ah ah prettyboy we got da bomb" O2: "Thats right if you get in our way it'll be a real stinker!" O1: "Uh Ohhhh"

X : "you have got to be kidding me" O1: "I'm too old for kidding, im old-ding over here" V : "What are you doing with a bomb!?" O2: "We've got demands!" O1: "Oh yeah lots of demands!" O2: "We want.... Pudding!" O1: "Oh yeah and none of that rice shit in there" O2: "get that rice out of our pudding no chunks!" O1: "itsa chokin hazard, I almost died when they had that at the home" O2: "thats why we left they was tryna kill us" O1: "But you only show up to stop two guys havin fun" O2: "Ya punks!" [Vav has snuck over to the obviously hidden 'stink bomb' and gags when he sees whats under the cover]

O2: "Ey!" [he smacks Vav with a cane] "gettaway from there" O1: "These two have no manners" O2: "they jus go touchin stuff that doesnt belong to them!" O1: "Well two can play at that game" [he moves towards Xray pointing at his glasses] "I want those" X : "How about I give you this instead" [he shoots a lazer at the old guy but it bounces off his walker] O1: "uh oh you shouldn't have done that" X : "oh yeah what if i do it again" [it really has the same result smart guy]

[Vav at the same time is dealing with.. a really slow old guy. and he dodges a punch an the old guy just keeps goin down and hits the ground] O2: "Ah! I'm hit thats it for me! [he tries to get up but just knocks himself over again] it's over for me I'm deadd. You killed me ya bastard" V : "I really didn--" O2: "this blood is on your handssss ohhh im goinnnn" [Vav backs off while the old man keeps slowly 'dying' to help out with Xray who's wrestling for his glasses from O1]

X : "Youre smudging up my glasses!" O1: "oh i'll do more than that" [he moves to take a lick at them] X : "no you dont!" [He punches the old man square in the jaw] O1: [catches himself on the walker] "you want a boxing match, i used ta have the belt ya know" [he lands a punch on xray who doesnt even flinch]

V : [Vav comes up from behind and pulls the old man away] O1: "No he's got me!" [he flails a bit but ineffectively to get out] "this is just like the 40s you cant stop all this" V : "We're sending you both back to the old folks home just stay there this time!" O1: "You'll never keep us caged! We'll always be ba-- Oh no is this a heart attack? Ma is that you in the light I'm-- I'm comin... comin to kick your dead ass" [and he's dead]

[Xray and Vav dump the old guys on an elderly bus they're used to dealing with these guys 'dying' and approach the stink bomb which is the stink jug but theres wires and stuff attached to supposedly detonate it] X: "Well I guess we'll have to deal with this" [he kicks the 'stink bomb' and Vav goes green] V: "I guess it'd be best to get it to Hilda she'll know how to get rid of it" X: "right lets go" [he starts walking leaving Vav to carry the barrel, poor vav]

I hope the notes after this make sense plot wise a lot of it was going to be explored deeper as we get drawing XDD ((also you get all my note writing jokes that i make to myself))

V = xray and vav / K = mad king / R  = rimmy tim / M = mogar

(V) - I need,, some basic everyday hero biz to start the story with - tIME TO THROW THE OLD MEN IN THERE (K) - He decides to try out his powers a lil test run ((around Hilda's lab)) - Xray and Vav crash the party ofc - He gets by them EASY slow mo can't do much against teleporting - He didn't have much of a goal for it but, now he knows he has the upper hand on Xray and Vav - He leaves victorious (V) - He gets the business end of a run in with ender ryan - What was that?? he can teleport?? - Well we have to figure something out! (R) - Rimmy Tim runs into Mad King - Which is wild! thought he was dead! - but he does have some weird ass shit going on (K) - Wow running into Rimmy Tim isnt that neat? - He pays no mind to the Battle Buddy (R) - Rimmy Tim is crashing at Jake's place ((to be relevant)) - He also meets Xray and Vav but nobody knows what his full deal is ((and theyre distracted from having they ass kicked))

(V) - Vav is the plan guy - They get intel that he has a weird power source - it gave him the powers so if they can figure it out maybe they can take them away! - We'll need to be stealthy boys... - MOGAR! - ask mogar for help, he distract while they sneak in and nab the gem (M) - The plan involves Mogar fighting Mad King up front - Mogar runs into Rimmy Tim and is suspicious of him (K) - Ofc he knew Xray and Vav would make a plan - Mogar comes to fight him aw they just decided to send a fwiend - Mad King is busy beating Mogar and doesn't notice that they got the gem ((Uh Oh! Plothole!)) (M) - They dont see him at the meeting place (K) - He Notices when he decides to experiment with it and tries out a lesser power source - Resulting in Zombie Mogar

(V) - They HAVE to find Mogar - poking around the outside for a sign of him they find his sword in the dumpster - thats,,, not good - its really heavy but if vav straps it to his back he can handle it - they wind up splitting up for any sign of Mogar (K) - Well if you're going to be rude about it - [teleports in the streets] - Have it your way do what you want - [and he leaves Mogar there] - when he teleports back Rimmy Tim is there and he quips ab how convenient tping is (R) - MK has him get rid of the new power source obviously a failure (V) - It gets dark but vav hears a noise in the alley - He finds Mogar! But he's eating something - Mogar growls and starts running at him - *british screaming* - As he BOOKS IT around a corner Xray runs into him and Vav just grabs his arm - NO TIME TO EXPLAIN - so what the plans just fucking run - oh wait thats Jake's van - *climbs in* wEHAVE TO GO HIT THE GAS - bro its a red light - iTS THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT THERES NO TRAFFIC JUST - Mogar jumps on the vAAAAAAAA - Thats enough to convince Jake she slams on the gas - " you guys are paying for any tickets i get"

((for context, Jake is my oc she has an ask blog that I was planning to use to be like in between she and rimmy tim are hanging out and you might find out things from interacting w her. But for character knowledge she’s an appliance installer that works with The Monarchy’s Servants. Which that is the company that installs the stuff that comes out of Monarch Labs. there was also a whole bit where she and rimmy tim would be hanging out and he’d be joking like oh do you ever go in like “ah m’lord!! is this installation to your liking thank you m’lord!!” and she’d goof back if he ever had a house for her to install shit in she’d do it just for him.

and for how Jake and Rimmy tim met it was at 3am dennys a few years ago and they been buds ever since))

(R) - Jake's checking on her van later and Rimmy Tim comes out to give a hand - and he asks what happened and she's shaking a lil - she just leaves it as hero biz as usual she thinks (V) - bloody hell we have to help mogar! - yeah what did Mad King do to him! - they gotta bait and catch him (R) - Jake gets a call from xray and vav asking for help getting mogar to a lab - Rimmy Tim tags along and gets to see Mogar (M) - Xray and Vav catch mogar and have him leashed in the lab - But?? Is he dangerous?? Can he contaminate others??

(R) - This is wrong - RYAN is wrong - Rimmy Tim,, Has to do something - discussion doesnt work, Ryan's just a wall discussion wise - theres no talking him out of anything he's too absorbed (V) - Mogar has good moments - reference the rotten flesh test w vav (K) - Rimmy Tim is getting increasingly worried ab him - Rimmy Tim mentions Mogar - Well it wasn't on PURPOSE - but yeah i did that - No, I don't particularly know how to reverse it (R) - Rimmy Tim tries talking hey what if we just did this partner like - Nothing can beat the battle buddies then this can all be done right? - Mad King brushes him off and tells him to stay out of his business - Ryan gets caught in the rain - He claws Rimmy's face oh no! his money maker! - Rimmy Tim decides enough is enough and leaves to help Xray and Vav fix this,,, fix him,,, (V) - They hear Mad King in the rain - hhhhh i dont want to deal with more monsterrrrssss - Rimmy Tim joins the team! - he explains his history with Mad King - and how he's worried - wORRIED LOOK WHAT HE'S DONE TO MOGAR - He digs out the lesser power source that was used on Mogar - THIS made THAT *points at Mogar* (K) - Mad King is bandaged and goes to sleep off the pain and *emotions* (gross) of the evening - as he drifts off instead of dreaming he finds himself seeing through Jeremy's damaged eye - He just sees xray and vav but he cant hear a word - needless to say he feel betrayed

(Finale leadup)

- they need a plan to catch MK - Xray and Vav decide to drill RT ab possible weaknesses - he doesnt have much to contribute though they havent worked together in years and he didnt have all this magic junk going on. - and all RT's seen of the magic junk is teleporting - Well have you seen his hideout? can you explain like layout or whats going on there - oh fuck yeah i guess that is intel lemme sketch it out

- Hilda is playing around with whats the difference between the gem they stole from MK and the one that RT says changed Mogar - Mayhaps after some experimentation gone wrong she figures they cant use the thing against him but need a device that'll remove that specific energy - so you know a SUCKING machine - While she's working so closely with this she starts having enderhilda dreams but like when she's awake shes like yeah thats neat but you aint caught my interest you dumb gem

- Wait RT if you and MK used to be in cahoots do you have any powers that can beat him? - I got guns we were guns for hire you know battle buddies - wot MK doesnt use guns he plays mind games - well yeah NOW he does he uh-- didnt have it all together after our last mission

(flashback)

- Battle buddies are cleaning up after a mission - they're both pretty angry like we wound up being the bad guys AGAIN how does this keep happening - RT agrees he's not a fan of dirty cash - MK comes to the conclusion if i controlled these sheeple nobody would be calling my shots and makin me do the wrong thing - come on ryan ya cant control people thats wrong - whats a little more blood on my hands if it means making things better on the whole - and MK winds up leaving the battle buddies :C

(Finale)

- Hilda comes in like hey i got your guys's sucking machine go suck off mad king or whatever - and vavs like Alright! lets make a plan lads! - then we go to MK - he can see them coming, he's gotten practice watching through RT's eyes - he gets the machine from them as theyre barely through the door - "well I was curious what this would do but what does it matter anyways" - and he's got like some full ender shadow clones to help with the fight and they all pair off ((not like an army literally just enough to pair off MK dont need an army to beat these guys)) - the real MK personally faces off RT though :) - RT "why do i get the real ryan why couldnt you face off with like vav or something" - MK "im curious if you could shoot me 'buddy'" - RT "well I doubt i'll do something but i do owe you one ;)" and he do shoot him but yeah the bullets are stopped and do nothing - MK "I do hope you brought something else if youre turning against the MAD KING you have best be prepared" - RT "what can i say" [drops gun] "I stick to my guns" [throw punch]

- but yeah after the fighting and witty dialogue clears it looks like MK do have the upper hand - RT was left bleeding out ((stabbed through with pointy fingers oooo MK got his blood literally on his hands)) - While MK is monologuing RT sneaks into the bathroom which MK pauses mid monologue when he sees a flash of RT's bloody hand reaching for the showerhead - cant believe that fuck - and RT comes out and hoses him down ((yes it reaches that far LOOK its got a long hose)) - then MK's on the ground fucking sizzling - vav's like oh right! and jumps up to get the sucking machine and they use it on MK

(epilogue)

- Jake drops RT off where they got MK locked up and shes like "do what u gotta do man" and RT's like "thanks for understanding bud" - and he gets in MK shifts to look at him - RT starts to apologize for ruining his plan but gets interrupted as MK says "you were right" - which is a SHOCKING thing to hear from that guy - and mad king is like "thank you" - and we end on "anytime buddy."

so that was my plot I havent been kidding when I said it was a long comic plan. Its been heartbreaking to have this whole thing ripped from me but I can’t tell a story about friendship w a manipulator. 

I’m not sure how long it’ll be until I actually get another thing started but I hope its soon because I was very excited to share a good long story with the xray and vav fandom and I thought this plot wouldve been like a good season worth of content

I had some draws tagged under “#its all connected” and they were all me working on this idea before I actually decided to write it out and try for a whole comic after being inspired by some close friends and the good at being bad animation collab

[rapperkookz]

ironman!namjoon

a/n wow ok so this is the start of my avengers!bts headcanons and yuh they all have set in stone story lines but im gonna shake it up a lil bit xD

word count: 2.3k

____________________

kim namjoon

you see

the kim namjoon is a smart kid

child genius if i say so myself

and boy he knew it

no eleven year old chooses to write a paper about hubble’s law of cosmic expansion for a science project instead of making a trifold and using liquid cement

no, namjoon writes a 4-page paper in apa style with a magnificent abstract

he got an A on it of course

his brilliance only goes up from there

and with his rich parents, he has the opportunity-

to which yoongi and seokjin would say “privilege”

but let’s just say “opportunity”

to do incredible research and studies and experiments

his dad has a science lab built just for him in their house

by nineteen, namjoon has taken over a good percentage of his parents’ business

kim enterprises

growing up, namjoon had an idea that his parents’ business was pretty expansive and were involved in many areas

but it wasn’t until he was placed in board meetings at eighteen when he absorbed how powerful his family really was

and sure the business aspect of him was aight, but he loved his lab and would rather leave the negotiating to his mom and dad

you grew up with namjoon, you were also from a wealthy family

your fathers were childhood friends and they grew their businesses together

although kim enterprises surpassed your family’s wealth easily, the bond between your families were still tight

namjoon was stubborn and a smartass

but he wasn’t a jerk, just...very selective with his true self

he’s also a bit spoiled, but with his parents who gave into his every wish, it just turned out that way

at 21, namjoon’s parents got into a plane crash on the way to a meeting in london and it unfortunately claimed their lives

namjoon became the sole CEO and heir of kim enterprises

he asked you for help because damn he couldn’t run a whole business by himself??

and you weren’t needed yet to run your own family business

so you didn’t mind helping out your friend

things were running okay with little kinks in the road, but the business was still thriving and so namjoon was okay with that

until one day when you and namjoon were hanging out in his family mansion and it was broken into

in a crazy haze, you were captured and abducted

namjoon knew they were after him and not you and for the first time in his life:

he had absolutely no idea what to do

he had to find you of course but he didn’t know where to start

namjoon couldn’t tell your parents because they would absolutely kill him for not protecting you

and honestly he wanted to beat himself up too for that fact

thanks to his brilliant mind, he managed to track wherever the fuck you were being held captive

he took his private jet out to a nearby place and did the rest by foot

this was basically a suicide mission and he knew it, but to hell with it

namjoon would exchange his life for yours, you’ve been with him since birth

back to you

you were being held in a cell

your captors needed namjoon to build something for them, but since you weren’t him, you were useless to them

you thought they were going to kill you

but instead they just locked you up

you didn’t expect to see namjoon being pushed into your cell with you

“joon what the fuck are you doing here?”

“I uh...I found you.”

you thought he would have told your dad and then like officers would come and find you

not namjoon, alone.

“did you expect to just walk in and sweet talk them into letting me go?”

he scratched the back of his neck

“for a genius, you’re fucking stupid.”

“okay, truthfully, i thought I could turn myself in and that would convince them to let you go, but i guess they just took both of us haha.”

for weeks you two were held prisoner, your captors taking namjoon in the morning and returning with him at night

you were just stuck in there

but whenever joon came back, he had a new injury to him

your heart hurt whenever you saw him come back, pain all over his face

you would do your best into aiding him, but you didn’t really have much options in the small cell

it was one night when he didn’t come back and your mind automatically assumed that he was dead

you started sobbing in the cell, god you were going crazy

you needed to get out of there

and then when you heard some whimpering and cries of pain, your drive only got bigger bc you knew it was namjoon

you started clanging on the cell and screaming for them to let you go

and then from the corner of your eye, you spotted joon crawling to you, all bloodied up

you gasped spotting the large wound on his chest

but before you could start losing your mind about your best friend was going to die, he calmly started instructing you to build a generator for him

you: joon! I’m not as smart as you, this thing is going to fucking blow up

joon: y/n, calm down and listen to me. you can do this, i believe in you

also joon: connect that wire to the plug...black long thing to red square.

as the hours went on into the night, namjoon sounded weaker and weaker, making you urgent into finishing his little generator

you started holding his hand

“joon, it’s done, okay? it’s done.”

“this is going to hurt like a bitch, but put that generator in my wound. and shove my shirt in my mouth, shut me up with it or we’ll get caught.”

“w-what?”

“just do it y/n!”

you shoved the triangle thing you made (with his help) into his chest and shut your eyes as you basically gagged joon quiet

within minutes he started to get better and you felt like a huge weight was lifted off your shoulders

the last thing you remember before crashing was joon saying “thank you, y/n, now go rest.”

you were awaken by a huge bang

lo and behold, namjoon’s in a tin suit and he blasted your cell open

you could barely register namjoon breaking the roof of your cell and grasping you by the waist and flying you out of there

his tin suit failed him within minutes, the thrusters he built at his feet giving in

but the important thing was that you two made it out and crashlanded in a lake

the place where you were held captive burst into flames

you were founded by your father’s men

(he had some great influence in the army)

and fuck you and joon suffered from one hell of a ptsd

for a while, joon became distant

i mean, could you blame him? y’all got kidnapped and almost died

you tried to reach out but his house security kept denying you

cute side note: namjoon’s jarvis is called moni

“god dammit moni, i just wanna talk to him”

“my apologies miss/sir y/n, master kim doesn’t want any visitors at the moment.”

:(

the next time joon talked to you was months after you two were found, he invited you over to his house and his security system led you straight to his lab

you walked in to see your best friend in a golden technological suit, the triangle generator you helped him make glowing on the torso of his suit

“joon, what the fuck are you doing?”

he sat you down and explained how after your whole kidnapping, he realized that he had a gift 

and he could either be sitting around waiting to be kidnapped again for his mind to be used for the worst

or he could be doing something for the greater good

you honestly couldn’t follow, couldn’t he just use his wealth to donate to charities or something?

but no, he wanted to be proactive and idk be some kind of superhero

“why are you telling me all this?”

“well, not only are you my best friend and we have suffered through hell together...if I happen to die out there, I’m leaving you in charge of kim enterprises.”

“huh die out where? joon you’re not going back there.”

he then told you how he was forced to build weapons while you were kidnapped and how his parents dealt with underground business with terrible people and now it’s come to bite him and kim enterprises in the ass

“i’m going back. If you want, you can stay here and monitor me. moni has complete access to my suit, it is my eyes and ears.”

“god, just...come back, don’t die on me, please.”

you end up watching him complete whatever mission he had for himself

but also how he got his ass beat

you almost missed a pair of boys save him from where he was

they were quick to the eye, dressed all in black, you just remember one with a bow and arrow

fast forward another couple months

joon was safe, thank god, and just doing insane upgrades on his suit and what not

you called him golden boy, but he said that name just didn’t suit him

you see that pun i put there ;)

the two of you were discussing the art exhibit he needed to attend when moni alerted him of visitors

surprise surprise it was the same two boys that you remember saving him, except they were dressed casually this time

“you must be y/n, namjoon hyung’s better half.”

namjoon glared at the boy, “shut up, jimin.”

the other one spoke, “we need you both to come to headquarters.”

“omg I’m not being kidnapped again, am i?”

the three of them laughed

you were told that jimin and the other boy, taehyung, were agents under BTS, a protection initiative created by their boss, Mr. Bang

and now, namjoon was being recruited to be part of that initiative

BTS is a specialized sub-unit to the larger Avengers motion

it put your mind at ease knowing that namjoon wasn’t alone in his whole fighting crime and saving lives ordeal

the media deemed namjoon’s golden suit as “iron man”

and although you personally liked your “golden boy” name better

joon had a complete liking to the other name

you witnessed when they recruited more agents to BTS

namjoon began to have a nice bond with the other boys

and it made you happy, of course, knowing that he had others by his side

but sometimes you couldn’t help but feel as if you were being replaced as his best friend

especially when he and the wakandan king, jung hoseok, became rather close

namjoon first realized his feelings for you when kim seokjin, aka the god of thunder, was flirting with you during one of joon’s house parties

he almost had a fist fight with him

but the other boys held them back from beating each other up

a supersuit vs a god with insane powers? that wasn’t going to end well at all

and so namjoon secretly pined for you

you were still doing business together, but it was mostly you because he was busy now with world saving duties

you were the one to convince him to recruit their youngest and final member to BTS

the spider kid, jeon jungkook

namjoon becomes jungkook’s mentor

and it’s quite endearing

but jk’s also the one to spill to you that namjoon has had the hugest crush on you for the longest time

kid just can’t keep his mouth shut sometimes

all the boys knew that namjoon was basically in love with you

they even helped him come up with this elaborate event of confessing to you

...which all went to hell bc yoongi got triggered and smashed everything

yoongi felt so bad afterwards

but all ended well bc of course you loved namjoon back

he was your best friend and your #1 since day 1

namjoon ends up revealing himself as iron man probably a year after the whole BTS unit was solidified

the press was hell for kim enterprises

which you had to mainly contain :/

but you know he’s a charmer in front of the camera

your parents were a bit iffy when they found out you were dating iron man

but if anyone could take care of you, they knew it would be namjoon

aw im emo

dating your best friend/business partner is a rollercoaster

you’ve had your fair share of heart attack moments, waiting for him after a battle or a mission

namjoon has put his life in danger and will continue to put his life in danger and you’re just going to have to deal with that

he hates that he also puts your life in danger just by association, but you have a lot of protection, courtesy of Mr. Bang

you wear his suit sometimes and try to fly it for fun

he finds you cute

builds you a suit, yourself, but you don’t wear it often

mostly bc you know there’s some weapons included for safety and that scares you a bit

you end up merging businesses with kim enterprises

and run the whole rodeo bc he’s too busy saving the world

but you always keep him updated on what’s happening

he’s become less arrogant after being with the boys and after dating you

but he’s still a smartass

uses kim enterprises’ wealth and resources for the improvement of BTS

it’s pretty useful if you ask me

namjoon becomes the spokesperson for BTS ;)

he and his boys save the world on the regular

but he wouldn’t be saving the world if you didn’t save his world first

u fucking wu

that last part was cheesy but am i sorry about it?

nah

7-6-19

[dillydedalus]

what i read in march

several antigones & some other stuff

call me zebra, azareen van der vliet oloomi

oh boy. i really wanted to like this one, but uh. nah. so this book is about zebra, a young iranian-american from a lineage of ‘autodidacts, anarchists and atheists’, still traumatised by her childhood experience as a refugee (incl. her mother’s death on route). when her father dies years later, zebra decides to retrace the route of her exile thru barcelona, turkey, and back to iran. this sounds great! the beginning is good! but zebra is a quixotic figure (don quixote is unsubtly flagged as THE intertext several times), delusional about her own importance, obsessed with some kind of great literary mission and obnoxious & condescending & egotistic as all fuck (she looks down on students but treats her realisation that like, intertextuality is a thing, as this grand revelation when like..... we been knew since Lit. Theory 101) - and this is intentional & part of the quixotic thing & in general i approve of abrasive & bristly & difficult female characters BUT i expected there to be a gradual process of realisation where she sees that a) maybe her entirely male lineage of geniuses ain’t all that, c) her mission is uh.... incomprehensible. instead, once she reaches spain, she gets bogged down in endless pretentious bullshit and a #toxic relationship that takes up way too much space. knowing that all of that is likely intentional doesn’t.... make it good. also the writing is pretty overwrought for the most part & not even your narrator’s voice being Like That excuses plain bad writing, like the  absurd overuse of ‘intone’ and ‘pose’ as dialogue tags. i see the potential and i see the point & i liked some of it but uh. not good. 2/5, regretfully, generously

in the distance, hernan diaz

i don’t really go for westerns or man vs wilderness stories but damn i’m impressed. despite the violence & deprivation and sheer amount of gross shit, this story of a swedish immigrant getting lost in the american west for decades remains at its core so human, so tender, so sad (honestly this book is SO SAD, yet sometimes oddly hopeful), so evocative of isolation, loneliness, and the desire for human connection. 4/5

notes on a thesis, tiphaine rivière (tr. from french)

god, if i ever considered doing a phd i sure don’t anymore. this is a short graphic novel about a young woman’s descent into academic hell while writing her dissertation about labyrinths in kafka. it’s funny, the art is expressive and fanciful, and it is incredibly relateable if you’ve ever tried to actually write your brilliant, glorious, intricately constructed argument down, battled uni administration or had a panic attack over how to phrase a harmless email to a prof. Academia: Not Even Once. 3.5/5

red mars, kim stanley robinson

this is a very long hard sci-fi novel about mars colonisation & terraforming, discussing the ethics of terraforming, the potentials of a truly ‘martian’ culture, and how capitalism will inevitably fuck everything up, including outer space. all of this is up my alley and i did really like the first half (early colonisation efforts), but the 2nd half (beginning of terraforming, lots of politicking) was a slog - i liked reading about how terraforming was going, but the rest was just bloated, scattered and confusing. also there’s a tedious love triangle the whole time. 2/5

dragon keeper (rain wild chronicles #1), robin hobb

i love robin hobb she really can write a whole 500+ page book of set-up, characterisation and politicking and make it WORK. anyway, this has disabled dragons, a quest for mystical city, lots of rain wilds weirdness, a dragon scholar in an unhappy marriage, liveships, a sweet dummy romance, and uh... a lil penpalship between two messenger bird keepers? not much happens but it’s so NICE & so much is going to happen. also althea & brashen & malta turned up & i screamed. 3.5/5

season of migration to the north, tayeb salih (tr. from arabic)

this is a seminal work of post-colonial arabic literature, a haunting tale of the impact of colonialisation, especially of cultural hegemony in the education system, the disturbing dynamics of orientalism and sex, and village life in a modernising post-colonial sudan. it’s important, it’s well-written, it’ll make you think, but fair warning, there is a lot of violence against women - it has a point but still uh... wow. 3.5/5

dune, frank herbert

SOMETIMES.... BOOKS THAT ARE CONSIDERED MASTERWORKS OF THEIR GENRE.... ARE WORSE. so much worse. the writing in this is atrocious (”his voice was charged with unspeakable adjectives”), herbert somehow manages to make court intrigue and plotting UNBELIEVABLY DULL and sure, it was the 60s, but i’m p sure people knew imperialism was bad in the 60s! the main character, the eugenically-engineered chosen one or whatever, literally spends years among the oppressed & resisting natives of a planet ruled by a space!empire and at the end he’s like ‘i own this planet bc imperialism is Good Actually’. emotionally neglecting/abusing your wife, who you (!!!) decided (!!!) to marry for political reasons bc you’d rather marry your gf is also Good Actually (cosigned by the protag’s mother....) the worldbuilding is influential for the genre, sure w/e, but mainly notable for there just.... being a lot of it, the whole mythology-science makes No Goddamn Sense, all around this is just Bad. Bad. 0.5/5 i hope the Really Big Worms eat everyone 

dragon haven (rain wild chronicles #2), robin hobb

this healed my soul after toxic exposure to dune. anyway w/o spoilers: everyone is very much In Their Feelings (including me) and there’s a lot of Romance and Internal Conflict and Feelings Drama and Complicated Relationships and Group Dynamics and also dragons, which are really like very big, very haughty cats who can speak, and a flood and a living river barge with a mind of his own (love u tarman!). it’s still slow and languid but so so good. also: several people in this have to be told that People Are Gay, Steven, including Sedric, who is himself Gay People. 4/5

an unkindness of ghosts, solomon rivers

super interesting scifi story set on a generation ship with a radically stratified society in which the predominantly black lowerdeckers are oppressed and exploited by the predominantly white upperdeckers, mixed in with a lot of Gender Stuff (the lowerdeckers seem to have a much less stable and binary gender system than the upperdeckers) and neuroatypicality. it’s conceptually rich and full of potential, but just doesn’t quite stick the landing when it comes to the plot. 3/5

sanatorium under the sign of the hourglass, bruno schulz (tr. from polish)

more dreamy surreal short stories (ish?). i didn’t like this collection quite as much as the amazing street of crocodiles, but they are still really good, even tho you never quite know what is going on. featuring flights of birds, people turning into insects, thoughts about seasons and time, fireman pupae stuck in the chimney, and the continuing weird fixation on adela the maid. 3.5/5

angela merkel ist hitlers tocher, christian alt & christian schiffer

a fun & accessible guide to conspiracy theories, focusing on the current situation in germany and the current boom in conspiracy theories, but also including some historical notes. i wish it had been a bit less fun & flippant and more in-depth and detailed bc it really is quite shallow at points, but oh well. also yes the title does indeed translate to ‘angela merkel is hitler’s daughter’ so. yes. 2.5/5

the midwich cuckoos, john wyndham

fun lil scifi story in which almost all women in sleepy village midwich are suddenly pregnant, all at the same time. the resulting children, predictably, are strange, creepy, and possibly a threat to humanity. i get that it was written in the 50s but it is strange to read a book where almost all women, and only women, are affected by A Thing, but all the main characters are men & no one tells the women ‘hey we think it’s xenogenesis’ -  like realistically 80% of women affected went to the Neighbourhood Lady Who Takes Care of These Things like ‘hello, one (1) abortion please’ and the plot just ended there. i still liked it tho! 3/5

antigone project

antigone, the original bitch, by sophocles (tr. by fagles)

god antigone really is That Bitch. that’s all i have to say. 4.5/5

antigone, That Bitch but in french, jean anouilh

the Nazi-occupied france antigone. loved the meta commentary on what tragedy is and how antigone has to step into the Role of Antigone, which will kill her “but there’s nothing she can do. her name is antigone and she will have to play her part through to the end”. i didn’t really like (esp. given the ~historical context) the choice to make creon much more sympathetic, trying to save antigone’s life from the beginning. hmm. 3.5/5

antigonick, anne carson

look, antigone really is That Bitch and you know what? so is anne carson. best thing i’ve read so far this year, don’t ask me about it or i’ll yell the task of the translator of antigone at you. 5/5

home fire, kamila shamsie

honestly i really wanted to like this bc politically it’s on point and an anti-islamophobia antigone sounds amazing, but it just doesn’t succeed as a book/adaption. it spends way too much time in build-up/backstory (the play’s plot only starts in the second half of the book!), waaayyy to much time on the weirdly fetishistic antigone/haimon romance, and even the most interesting characters (ismene & creon) don’t fully work out. sad. 2/5

currently reading: the magic mountain by thomas mann, but i should be done in a week or so! also: the paper menagerie by ken liu, a collection of sff short stories

[17cafe]

seventeen college au valentine’s date

(with member of your choice!)

so a little backstory

you and him are in the same art class

and you both always make these little doodles that take just a minute while you do other work

they were always super cute and to be honest it made you find him super cute

long story short things kept happening and u two ended up with crushes on each other hehe

and you found out you liked each other hehehe

just one day before it was valentine’s day he got to class before you

which he was very relieved about

and tucked his little doodle for you under a tin of markers that were at your spot

when you got to class you saw the corner of paper sticking out and u were like

“oh wow i wonder who could have done this”

super sarcasm

you look around for him though but don’t see him anywhere

he was hiding behind a corner looking at u kind of sneaky

to see your reaction

but he was too shy to like be beside you when you looked at the doodle

when you moved the tin off of it and picked it up

and unfolded it 

you saw that the drawing was of you and him

and you were both holding this huge candy heart with equally huge smiles

and on the heart had the words “be mine?”

but in the bottom corner of the paper was another drawing

much smaller

of you both eating the candy heart because why let it go to waste

and you laugh then smile

when he sees you laugh he’s like hooo boy okay yes this is good

and he comes up to you finally

you’re actually so intrigued at how good the drawing is though it isn’t a normal doodle and you jump when he puts his hands on your shoulders

so you turn around and you’re smiling super wide and he’s smiling super wide and you’re like aWWWWW and hug him super tight

the other students in the room were going awww too

and some were ignoring u too but hey that’s okay

in response to the “be mine?” on the heart you say “yes do you even have to ask !!!”

he’s like i wasn’t sure! you can’t blame me! you play footsies under the table with the guy that sits across from us

you’re like uh do u really think that means he’s my boyfriend or something??

he’s like yeah

and you’re like hhahhaha !!! and he’s like ahaah

then the teacher is like okay kids sit down

and class starts

later on after school you stay a couple extra minutes to finish your assignment because you were almost done!! thankfully art was last class of the day for you

he stays with you of course 

after a little while it was just you and him left because the other students all rushed outta there and the teacher left to go bake some clay

you bring up the footsies thing again and you start ranting

not angry ranting but just ranting nonstop

and he literally out of nowhere was like hey...and pecks your lips real quick so you stop talking

you actually gasp and put your pencil crayon down before leaning and kissing him back but on the cheek

he blushes SO HARD

he grabs your hand and bag and drawing and just pulls u out of the room and ur like WHAT are you doing

he doesn’t say anything and pulls you to the library

and sits at a secluded table and it’s so sosoososooo sweet

he just holds your hand and plays with your fingers and he just asks about your day and kind of mumbles things sometimes that u ask him to repeat

and it’s always something like “oh.. i just said you look cute when you make that face..”

the smile and faint blush never leaves his face as you guys talk with each other.. until one of the library workers is like hey we’re closing get out

now its an hour and a half since school ended and u guys are lke woah what

but he’s still holding onto your hand and grabs your bag for u again and leads you outta there

and there’s nobody in the hallways so u guys just wander around in the school and keep talking

but soon your phone rings and ur like whoop! i know what that is gotta go home 

and you pout because you love spending time with him…

but he’s like “no that face is too pretty to pout”

boom your mood is instantly brighter

and he just smiles because he Knows and he’s like alright which way

you’re like ????

he’s like which way to your home

and he obviously walks you home

of course before you open the door to go inside he kisses your forehead.. and he’s like I’ll see you tomorrow right?? it’s valentines day you better come to school :((

and you’re like yes of course i will see you tomorrow!! and he grins and winks and says “tomorrow it is then”

when you go inside and close the door you just sigh and squeal and that dork is jumping around as he walks away and hops all the way home wow he’s such a happy boy

so tomorrow comes aka ~valentine’s day~

art class is right in the morning 

and neither of you have afternoon classes !!

he got up early to look good for u.. he did his hair how you like it and wore a button up shirt with these nice black pants ooo

he got you candy hearts like the drawing and some flowers but shh you don’t know yet

also he drew another picture last night but wait for that ok

he came early because he wanted to be there before you again

he’s checking his hair and breath and making sure his shirt is all nicely resting with no wrinkles or anything

and he’s waiting in the art room beside the door when you come in

you don’t see him n hes like yes my plan worked

he silently follows you and waits until you sit down and whispers “happy valentine’s day~~” and holds the flowers and candy and folded drawing out in front of you and ur like WOAHH

OH BOY

HE PUTS ALL THE STUFF ON YOUR TABLE AND LITERALLY JUST. SPINS YOUR CHAIR

and kiss e s you

and it’s short but passionate and like it sucked the life out of you that was so unexpected

and he pulls back at looks at you all dazed and smiles

both of you are so red

he turns your chair back around and tucks you in before he takes his seat next to you and points to the flowers because he doesn’t want you looking at him he is TOO SHY

“do you like them?? they aren’t valentine colours but they reminded me of you~” because there’s yellow flowers mixed with the pink

and inside u are a total mess like crying but a good cry with heart eyes..

he’s giggling like crazy and you unfold the drawing finally and this boy

“im glad you like the flowers because–”

he drew your faces from side angles and your noses are touching and like the other drawing you both have those big scrunchy smiles

and you CANT you just hug him so tight and wrap your legs around him too because your chairs are against each other like one long chair and just

the other students coming in now are all smiley and some “awww” at you guys and you pull away but

he opens the candy container thing and picks one and brings it up for you to read before putting it in your hand

it’s one that said “be mine?”

more people are smiling and cooing at you guys and you hide your beet red face

he hides his face too but sees you doing it still and whispers in your ear

“you okay?”

you nod but still hide your face and he rubs your back and leans his head on the table right beside yours and hes trying to look at you

“lemme see that pretty face? pleeease?”

soon enough when class starts though he goes and gets the paints and brushes you always use & your project and brings everything to you

he gets to work but wraps his leggies around yours and you’re like ??? but he just keeps doing his own thing

u let it happen no questions just smiles

at the end of class he cleans up all his and your stuff for you too :’) 

and you assume he just didn’t bring a bag or anything today because he has nothing with him

he just picks up all of your stuff and says

“we’re going out to get lunch today!”

and you’re just like ok sunshine!

he’s like o no i should be calling you that...

so you’re like “well why didn’t you”

“dang u right.. i’m sorry prince/ss” and he looks around once again seeing practically nobody in the room then kisses your cheeks like 10 times

all this luck of being nearly alone in a public place wow

you guys go to this small casual restaurant about a block away

you to pick a table as he orders and pays in advance because he knows it’s a good place they never mess up

you come back and ask “what did you order for us?”

he smiles at the word “us” and looks down shyly 

doesn’t respond and picks up where you left off from the conversation after school yesterday

he lightly takes hold of your hand and stares at you so admiringly as you talk

the food all comes soon and ok are you ready

spring rolls with the sauce in a heart shaped dish

sandwiches cut in the shape of a heart

red drink with heart straw

dessert was a cupcake with pink icing and a bit of ice cream in the shape of a heart too

and you were like wo w they’re really in the valentine’s spirit!! and he was like hehe yeah

but really he had to request it and pay extra for all that but it was worth it because he loved when you giggled and smiled so much

when you guys finish eating and talking and get up 

and when you’re at the door just about to leave the waiter comes up with one last thing

a heart balloon!! and hands it to you and u look at your boy

he shrugs and he’s like idk where that came from

you’re like well i do you goober and peck his lips and he’s like heHEEe

he caresses your cheek and kisses you back but you pull away kind of quickly because this is a public place

after leaving the restaurant you guys just walk around the neighbourhood talking and laughing and sneaking lil kissies in here and there

you end up laying in the field by your school and again luck is on your side because nobody else is out there and it’s a bit chilly but sunny and nice

so it’s just you guys on the grass

holding hands and he sings this little song he made for you after getting over his shyness about it

and it makes you fall so much harder

you tied the balloon to your wrist but somehow it came undone

and at one point the balloon flies up and you yell !! and he jumps up and you do too and jump onto his back and you touch the ribbon but it gets away :((

you huff and you’re so sad and lay limp on his back n in a soft voice he’s like “baby it’s okay hey it’s okay”

extra cuddles and kisses as u pretend to stay sad and say it was the most special balloon because he got it for you

tickles you a little so you laugh and man

keeps kissing u so much he can not get enough

they’re always so soft and warm just so delicate

it’s overwhelming because you’ve never really kissed before and now so many in one day !!! but it’s exciting!!

at one point you’re kind of on top of him attacking him in kisses to “get back” at him n you bring your hands up for better balance and end up tickling his sides and he jumps

you’re like >:))

continue the tickling and “revenge” kisses and omg

even though he’s laughing so hard all you hear is silence because you’re just focused on his face and how purely happy he seems and it’s like wow.. i caused that

but you end up laying side by side fiddling with each others fingers

you see the dot of the balloon way up in the clear sky

you two just spend hours at the field sitting and talking and sometimes getting up and running away from the other as they threatened to tickle you 

soon enough it’s already getting dark?? you two were so caught up in each other that you didn’t even realize it

he thought dinner plans were too formal as you two just became a couple and you already went on the cute lunch date !! so he walked you home before it got too dark

you started rubbing your arms because you got cold

you had a jacket on already but he put his coat over your shoulders as well

when he dropped you off he got a little pouty

and you kissed him to make him smile again

of course he did

and of course he held your hands as he looked at you while you talked

he stood outside the door with you for a long time but then you got too cold and got a shiver

and he was like oh no okay go inside

he walked home in the dark and he was a little scared but that didn’t matter because he was so head over heels for you

when he got home he checked his phone and saw a message from you

but even before replying he called his mom and told her all about you omg

he couldn’t help himself

this... angel boy

likes you so much 

he will always do anything to make you smile 

and always protect you and help you and support you 

and love you 

and he knows you’ll do all the same

[likeawildthing]

Saving Kittens Thing

Bleeding heart James Potter does his level best to save seven cats from a terrible fate, but Lily Evans, his heartless monster fiancée, tries to thwart him at every turn.

ao3

week one.

Lily Evans to James Potter: no

James Potter: i haven’t asked a question.

Lily Potter: and yet

James Potter: but how did u know???

Lily Potter: your 762 cat pictures uploaded to the cloud james

James Potter: right.

James Potter: it’s just, hes been hanging around the office for the last two weeks…

Lily Evans: you don’t even like cats??

James Potter: but he likes me. 

Lily Evans: ...

James Potter: maybe I never liked them bc they were all assholes?

James Potter: chicken or egg, u know?

Lily Evans: amazing

Lily Evans: see u in a few

Lily Evans: no to cat. yes to takeout for stressing me out

James Potter: ur stressed? im marrying an unsupportive woman in 7 weeks??

Lily Evans: *kiss emoji* eggrolls.

James Potter: yes maam

James Potter to Lily Evans: but look at how CUTE he is

Lily Evans: no

James Potter: he likes milk

Lily Evans: impeachment song voice: no. no. no. no. no. nono. nononono.

James Potter: killjoy! 

Lily Evans: remember the squirrel

James Potter: that was one. time.

Lily Evans: and yet, i have veto power

James Potter: will u always have veto power? like for the next sixty five years?

Lily Evans: sixty four. you’re taking a year off my life.

James Potter: it wasn’t /that bad

Lily Evans: we had to call professionals in??? almost got kicked out??? our lease specifically and unequivocally forbids pets of any kind???

James Potter: technicality, yes, but as mum owns the building, pretty sure i could sway her w/ wedding leverage

Lily Evans: we are NOT having swans, geese, ducks, or other fowl at our wedding. so no leverage for u.

James Potter: killjoy!!!!!

week two.

James Potter to Lily Evans: he is a SHE

Lily Evans: …?

James Potter: THE CAT

Lily Evans: how do u

Lily Evans: nvnmd

James Potter: check ur snaps!!!

Lily Evans to James Potter: when u get home we need to talk abt appropriate things to snapchat.

Lily Evans: random example i’m pulling out of my arse: cats giving birth? 

Lily Evans: not appropriate!!

Lily Evans: also, are u under the bushes in front of your work?

James Potter: ITS JUST LIKE 101 DALMATIONS

James Potter: except cats!

James Potter: and six of them.

James Potter: seven including boots.

Lily Evans: boots?

James Potter: have u seen HER feet? boots.

James Potter: the Miracle of Life. 

James Potter: im transformed.

James Potter: i think i’m rethinking my position on kids                                    

Lily Evans: oh boy

Lily Evans to James Potter: babe. ur going to get fired for sending too many snapchats on work hours.

James Potter: my dad is the boss?

Lily Evans: he asked me to text sense into u. or to bribe u.

James Potter: rude.

James Potter: ...what kind of bribery

Lily Evans: not that kind

James Potter: just checking

week three.

James Potter to Lily Evans: ohmygodacrowtriedtokillmykittens

Lily Evans: 1. not ur kittens

Lily Evans: 2. crows are highly intelligent. i wouldn’t mess w/ it???

Lily Evans: prefer to marry u in one piece if possible

James Potter: whose side are u on??

Lily Evans: common sense

James Potter: do u know me at all???

Lily Evans to James Potter: was it u or my other fiancé who maxed out my library card limit

James Potter: yes. and mine. research for a work thing.

Lily Evans: How To Care For Feral Kittens. Protecting Your Wild Cat From Predators. Three Failsafe Methods for Domesticating A Feral Cat. Chicken Coop Construction. And like sixty kids books about cats??

Lily Evans: ??????????????????

James Potter: this IS technically a work thing, since its at work. 

Lily Evans: stretch, much? 

Lily Evans: cant believe remus let u check out 150 books.

James Potter: he is a Good, Supportive friend. and i have a LOT of free time this month. dad didnt want to stress me out. research is important, which you know! sixty kids books are to Read to the Kittens. good for development.

Lily Evans: ur dad took u off all projects bc he thought you’d be distracted w/ getting married.

James Potter: well im hyper-focused on this instead.

James Potter: and i can be! because we’re mostly done w/ planning, thanks to my gorgeous, intelligent, super efficient, soon-to-be wife. 

James Potter: and i love you.

Lily Evans: nice, but take a book back so i can rent mine. 

James Potter: im going to suggest you buy it on kindle, b/c its 2017??

Lily Evans: it’s the principle. reading is cathartic and an escape from my Many Stresses.

James Potter: gotta go. sirius just walked in w/ a work thing.

Lily Evans: well

week four.

Lily Evans to James Potter: pete told me ur trying to corral the cats into a paper box???

James Potter: traitor! did PETE ALSO TELL U its now crows, plural, and theyre trying to bait Boots out so they can get the kittens?

Lily Evans: he said that’s your story, yes

James Potter: it happened!

James Potter: and so i have to do this, for their safety and well-being.

James Potter: dad wouldn’t let me build a protective structure, so—

James Potter: im just—

Lily Evans: no.

James Potter: listenimgoingtobringthemallhome

James Potter: JUST until we can get them to a shelter 

Lily Evans: NO. james. u cant be the cat savior of the world??

James Potter: true, but i can be the cat savior of potter, inc.??

James Potter: or at least a foster cat dad.

Lily Evans: James. No. We both work 50 hour weeks and we are about to get married and we are about to go on honeymoon?????

James Potter: LILY. they need me. I need to save them.

Lily Evans: oh, babe. ur mom told me about the ducks.

James Potter: the ducks?

Lily Evans: when you were seven.

Lily Evans: is that what this is all about????

James Potter: sure?

James Potter: i mean…must be? i didn’t put two and two together, you know? but yeah. those ducks are, like, weighing really heavily on my…subconscious.

James Potter: i think if could all be resolved if u just give me like, 3 days

Lily Evans: 1

James Potter: 2

Lily Evans: deal

Lily Evans to James Potter: I saw ur ‘home sweet home’ Instagram btw

James Potter: stalker. come downstairs and see them.

Lily Evans: what took u four hours to get home?

James Potter: stopped by the vet to check them out. all looking great!

James Potter: and flea meds

James Potter: and vaccinations for boots

James Potter: aaaand the pet store to get a few necessities

Lily Evans to James Potter: sirius said he’d disown you if you adopted seven cats

James Potter: liar.

Lily Evans: worth a try

Lily Evans to James Potter: six matching kitten sweaters is NOT a necessity

James Potter: disagree

Lily Evans: three hundred pounds???

James Potter: will be much easier to rehome them w/ the proper supplies

Lily Evans: unbelievable.

James Potter: actually got some great deals, believe it or not.

James Potter: she was SO GOOD today. boots. she did not scratch me once and she put flea meds on her and shes all groomed and pretty.

James Potter: and LILY.

James Potter: come down and see them??? they need to meet their grandmum or theyll think you dont love them

Lily Evans: im allergic to cats?? and im not yet 22?

James Potter: u aren’t really allergic. and ur 104 in cat years.

Lily Evans: wow. im going to give u space tonight. the Sofa is yours.

Lily Evans: don’t get too cozy w/ them, potter.

James Potter: I think we know its too late for that, evans.

Lily Evans: veto. power.

James Potter to Lily Evans: ur really not coming down???

Lily Evans: one of us has to stay reasonable.

Lily Evans to James Potter: james. u cant just send me vids of drunk girls w/ a box of kittens

James Potter: can. did. will continue to.

James Potter: left ur fave wine on the stairs. drink some and come meet them??

James Potter: u could be the next youtube sensation.

Lily Evans: pass

Lily Evans: 39 hrs, btw.

James Potter to Lily Evans: did u order takeout just for u??? and are u home?? u didn’t go to work??

Lily Evans: working from home, yes. can u deliver to our room?

James Potter: why don’t u…come down and get it yourself.

Lily Evans: ill starve

James Potter: im coming

Lily Evans: 22 hrs 

James Potter: about that.

Lily Evans: james fleamont potter

James Potter: lil. im sorry. like i am in that we made a deal and I have to break it.

Lily Evans: JAMES FLEAMONT POTTER

James Potter: but im not in that im not sending them on the streets. i called ALL the shelters and they were all full! except for the no kill, which i wont do and neither will u, because im not marrying a heartless monster.

James Potter: and so were the cat fosters! apparently its peak cat shagging season or something???

James Potter: anyway i didn’t know and i did try and i AM sorry

Lily Evans: its ok.

James Potter: it is???

Lily Evans: well…I AM A REASONABLE PERSON but i am NOT heartless. we still cant keep them forever though!! i mean it!!!

Lily Evans: we can keep them until they’re ready to be rehomed tho. except they MUST be gone b4 the wedding.

James Potter: can we keep any of them???

Lily Evans: did u reread the lease?

James Potter: yes. they were very thorough, unfortunately. covered every loophole.

Lily Evans: two decades of being ur parents have trained them well

James Potter: come downstairs?????

Lily Evans: i have to stay strong

Lily Evans: ill bribe you to come upstairs tho

James Potter: ...what kind of bribery

Lily Evans: ;)

week five.

James Potter to Lily Evans: soooo....we have a responsible foster mum from the agency coming to look at my babies tonight

Lily Evans: Good. im tired of living upstairs and I Miss u

James Potter to Lily Evans: can u come home to work this afternoon???

Lily Evans: to clean? how messy have you been keeping it downstairs?

James Potter: pls. I’m the clean one of this power couple!!!!

Lily Evans: tru

James Potter: its about work. apparently im setting a bad example for taking 9 days for paternity leave when i’m about to go on honeymoon? and they need me for a presentation.

James Potter: point is. I HAVE to go back whether we (the cats, me) are ready or not.

Lily Evans: there’s a lot i could say to that babe, but i’ll refrain because I Love You.

Lily Evans: wont they be fine w/out you? or me? i’ve made it this far w/out meeting them.

James Potter: no! they need constant supervision. they’re actually quite the handful. who knew!

Lily Evans: omg

James Potter: Tabitha is due for her antibiotics dose at 3

Lily Evans: 1. uve named them. b. they’re on drugs???

James Potter: just Tabs. responsible fostering!!!

James Potter: we should really keep them until they’re old enough to be spayed and neutered, but I wont let them to go an irresponsible pet owner.

Lily Evans: god forbid

Lily Evans: OMYGOD u cannot just send me pictures of a baby kitten next to her antibiotics jar/??

James Potter: can and did

Lily Evans: if i fall in love w/ them, im never forgiving u

James Potter: thx babe. ill make it up to u.

Lily Evans: so many sexual favors, potter

James Potter: *wink emoji* *cat emoji*

Lily Evans: ew. bad combo

James Potter: yea

Lily Evans to James Potter: FUCK

Lily Evans: f.u.c.k.

James Potter: what happened?????

Lily Evans: FUCKKKKKKKKKK

James Potter: ARE THEY OKAY????

James Potter: also, are you ok

Lily Evans: they are fine. Just. Fine.

Lily Evans: I am not tho

James Potter: are u really allergic???

Lily Evans: only to common sense

James Potter: u fell in love, didn’t u

Lily Evans: NO

Lily Evans to James Potter: damn it. damn u. damn them, too.

Lily Evans: except not really

James Potter: it’s okay

Lily Evans: sorry for my derision and cynicism

Lily Evans: this wld only be better if i were drunk

James Potter: i guess you’ll never be internet famous babe

Lily Evans to James Potter: did u name the others???

James Potter: i left brown one. striped one. and w/ the heart on the nose for you

Lily Evans: yes i could tell because you MADE THEM COLLARS

James Potter: the one w/ the heart on the nose though

Lily Evans: SHE IS MY FAVORITE I LOVE HER

James Potter: can u really bear to part her from her siblings and mum???

Lily Evans: im not a Monster. of course not!

Lily Evans: but we’ll need a nanny???

Lily Evans: and a bigger flat.

James Potter: mum is thrilled actually. about grand-mumming it. not the flat.

James Potter: bad news: meant to tell u btw, she is ABSOLUTELY kicking us out.

James Potter: good news: may have a few house showings scheduled for us for next week, so

Lily Evans: did u knew this was going to happen to me???

James Potter: *kiss emoji*

Lily Evans: did u really even have a meeting at work???

James Potter: you’ll never know. give the babies a kiss me for me. ill grab takeout & be home soon.

[helahades]

-can i just say this gif choice for nat was very sexy of you to use like literally it has the perfect vibes for this like it’s a book cover: dark and sexy, and you see the high alert strategist in her and also the planning and the mental chess and what out of context could be restrained annoyance

-and then you chose one where bucky looks a lil defensive just YES

-i like the fact that shes yelling and not just suave always chill agent smirk nat bc it says 1)she cares a lot you and/or 2) she has a lot of trust and faith in bucky and is fiercely annoyed w him because he obviously could have done better and most importantly 3)what i feel and this sort of makes no sense is that she feels safe enough to do so??? like whatever the setup is, she is feeling like her emotions don’t need to be guarded and I love that for her even though yelling scared me skksks

-fire imagery for nat just gets me every time wow

-god wow something about her taking a bite of the uneaten grilled cheese just is so good. the soft intimacy of it wow

-god wow something about her noticing you wince in pain but not saying anything about it?so nat. it just seems like she wouldn’t want anyone to comment on what to her might be a moment of weakness so she doesn’t do it to you, soft nat is something that can be so personal actually or maybe I am projecting sksksks

-but what I also know is that if you actually were in bad pain that you were ignoring she wouldn’t let you ignore it but she knows your limits and that’s the good shit

-nat looking at your vital signs before choosing what direction to take the convo in is something that can be so personal actually

-“I still don’t know how to apologize. Barnes made the wrong call, and he was totally in the wrong, but-” this is so nat omg this is the way she opens up and talks about her feelings I can literally hear this dialogue

-nat in a relationship where she is the softer one is something that can be so personal actually SKSKSKS I CANT STOP SAYING THAT BC YOURE COMING FOR ME IN MY HEART WHERE I HOUSE THE NAT FEELS

-but really ?! throw away the concept of the reader being some gentle downy soft angel that has a perfect expression of every emotion and is half girlfriend half therapist. WHERE IS THE FLAVOR? I love that this dynamic is more of Nat being challenged by having to read someone who she knows cares about her but is even better than her at being dry sksks and who maybe has some trauma and understanding of the stakes of some things in the world, and that brings them even closer together

-knock knock >:| open up it is the imagery police “She relaxes into the plastic chair, failing to hide her displeasure at the high-pitched noise it makes” we are suing you for having such great attention to fine details! it’s suspicious! we dont like how good you are

-“The mix of warm colors seems to reflect your wit, sparks running across your skin with every sarcastic comeback and cheap dig. It stands out against the drab, gray-blue of the room, almost as bold as you.” The way you snapped with this ??!!?!?

-I like the description of her injury and healing bc it’s really easy to forget about the effects that things will have on a character long term even when what happened is a major plot point

-the way hes so careful handling even the bags bc he knows he fucked up it’s not funny but skksksks

-“I don’t like to leave the mistakes I’m responsible for left uncleaned” she says. Whew she’s sexy

-domme nat with a bare face is something that can be so personal actually

-“Bucky spreads your legs that with a touch that contrasts the rough callouses of his right hand and the tough vibranium of his left.” Important imagery I felt this in my bones

-nats whole energy has me um—gay. like It’s very much her but there’s a subtle shift of her being in her element and commanding and whhjhewwww

-“Deep guttural moans you think may have come from you fill the room as you chase your own pleasure, slamming up and down on the fattest dick you’ve ever taken.” buckys big fat cock is something that can be so personal actually WOW I’m a sucker for people having such a good time they don’t recognize their moans as their own voice

-““If you want to touch, slut,” she hisses as she pinches at Bucky’s sensitive nipples. He cries out in pain, curling towards her as the sharp pain spreads through his body. “You need to ask.”” Thinking about the way this made me feel and wondering if bucky is the slut or if I am hoooo this is good

-SHE SAID DONT WORRY ITS WHAT HE DESERVES

-sitting here shocked

-I love the way she is with him after omg aftercare with her must be amazing

thank you for writing this wheeeeww

explosion uncontained

summary: Bad news is Bucky fucked up big time and now you’re seriously injured. Good news is Natasha knows the perfect way to apologize. 

pairing: Bucky Barnes x Natasha Romanoff x Reader

words: 3,349

trigger warnings: Sub Bucky, dom Natasha, orgasm denial, mommy kink, canon-level violence, cock rings. 

notes/other: This was done for @lesbian-deadpool ‘s pride parade challenge. My prompt was “Please don’t threaten me with a knife. I’ll get horny” and has been bolded within the fic!!

ask box / masterlist / commission info / ko-fi

Bucky Barnes has fucked up. Bucky Barnes has not only fucked up, but he has also been the root cause of a sizable gash in your right shoulder and an entire patch of skin being burned off that starts at your left calf and curls around you until it reaches your belly button.

He knows this. He knew this before the bomb blew up, and he certainly knows this now, as Natasha paces around their shared room and chews off chunks of skin from her bottom lip.

Keep reading

[onlyjihoons]

college! minhyung

a/n; inspired by a series of unfortunate events that happened to yours truly, and it’s my first time writing a college au so please enjoy:’)

major: music and audio tech

mark really liked music and making music so when he heard there was a course for it he immediately signed himself up for that

and he’s in the school’s dance club,, a very underrated dancer

tbh he partially got in because of his looks

also an underrated visual in nct

but mostly because this boy got those sick moves and he does music too?? yes please

i’m not saying that he’s the campus hottie but that’s exactly what i’m saying

but he’s really low-key and just wants to pursue his passion in music

and do well

you and mark met through this thing where you get admitted early into a course you like

you,, chose communications and media management or mass communications, as you would like to call it(i shall refer it to cmm)

and mark was there for the early admission exercise too because he had it as a backup if he couldn’t get into music and audio tech

at first the whole room was super tense because,, cmm is fiercely competitive

and you needed more than just language to get through this whole thing

when you arrived, you took a seat at the back because,, isn’t that what students do

and then mark came into the room like a really awkward bean

literally bows to everyone while saying excuse me

and he takes his seat beside you(!!)

you were lowkey screaming because,, why would someone as hot as mark sit beside you,, an average girl who just wants to get into the damn course

and your school didn’t had guys like that

let’s take a moment to imagine mark in casual clothes, like that red lacoste polo tee and ripped jeans and black vans and a kanken?? did that made your heart race? because it made my heart do just that

ya’ll know exactly which pic im referring to

so you decided not to be a chicken and make friends w him

“i’m really nervous,, i’ve yet to internalize my script for the screen test later”

“same,, i’m more worried for the written test tbh” with that shy smile of his

ok b4 we move on there are 3 components of your early admission exercise thing

1. written test 2. screen test 3. interview

and basically you have to go through all of that lmao

ok let’s get back to the story

“i’m sure you’ll do well, uhm..”

“mark”

“mark, yep”

“and you’re?”

“y/n”

“that’s a pretty name ^^”

you swore your heart dropped

fast forward to the interview, you and mark were in the same group

and the damn lecturers had their radar on you bc wow reader you’re a catch

“so y/n, we saw that you write fiction in your portfolio, right?”

you broke into a sweat bc they ain’t gonna reveal that you write fanfictions in front of mark

“yeah i do”

“so could you please come up with a plot and characters for a current affair you know?”

you were pretty shook because fanfic ideas only hit you when it’s the right time(ff writers do you feel me)

so you were stuttering,

“i lost my childhood friend in a tsunami??”

and the lecturers literally cracked up at your idea

but they couldn’t blame you though, its hard to come up with an answer on the spot

at the end of the interview, mark was also lowkey cracking up

“omg i can’t believe you said that y/n, but i gotta admit it was pretty creative”

“i know right, why did i say that…” 

“i thought it was really creative and different though, i liked it”

there goes your heart

fastforward to the beginning of the school term

mark and you exchanged numbers on that day and when you guys received the results of the posting he wasn’t in cmm but music and audio tech

tbh you were rlly happy for him bc you guys were convenient friends from that day on and he was so excited and passionate about making music its just so so heartwarming

and well, the first assignment the lecturer gave was about a collaboration?? article

it can be between any student as long as its a different major

and it applies to every student on campus gdi

so the first person that came to your mind was mark

so after your lecture you ran straight to the block mark’s lecture hall was at

and as soon his lecture ended you ran up to mark who was busy chatting with his newfound friends

“mark! did you get the collaboration assignment?”

“yeah i did, why?”

“c-can i collab with you?”

and all his friends were all stunned like,, why is this girl suddenly coming up to mark to collab

“s-sure, why not?” with the mark giggle, you know what i’m talking about

“good, i’ll see you soon then,” you winked, leaving mark dumbstruck

and when you left your heart was leaping out of your chest and you mentally slapped yourself for winking at mark

anyhow, you and mark would meet up every other day to work on the assignment, with mark as your protagonist of your article

and mark makes a music piece, as you take part in producing the music piece

but the song is actually about you!!

basically mark talks about what he learns in the course, like making music and stuff

he also plays the guitar which is a plus

whilst you guys were collabing

mark gained attention for his insanely good looks, which he often denied and pushes the campus hottie title to taeyong,, his senior

and also his music making and lyric writing talent

have you seen his rap freestyle in snowball project??? like how did you even mark lee 

and you gained attention for your writing, one of the top cmm students in school with a bright personality and media sense

and rumour goes around the campus that the best students of both majors are collabing and are already scoring those As lmao

that rumour was true and everyone was looking forward to the finished products of the geniuses of the school

while you two were collabing you two got to know more about each other

and you know,, you,, like,, like,, each other its so cute 

you two keep sending signals to one another

for mark its adding smileys to his texts and a few hearts and like holding the door when you enter the recording studio and all those gentlemanly stuff ugh so sweet

for you,, its just more affection and skinship and playful slaps on the shoulder

the rest of the school; “pLEASE DATE ALREADY”

both of your friends literally could sense those signals but the both of you couldn’t

so on the last day of doing the assignment you and mark would show each other’s completed assignment

you showed mark your article of him, alongside with a candid picture of him working on the music you took secretly

“omg y/n,, this is so good, thank you so much”

“you’re welcome mark,, it’s nothing,, really”

and mark showed you his finished music piece and you were so proud of him because the song actually sounded legit and not by a college student

after the music ended, mark looked at you seriously and started fiddling with his hands

“you know,, y/n,, i’ve been wanting to tell you this in the longest time…”

“what is it?”

“that,, i really like you,, since the d-day we met, i really like how you are so passionate about writing and stuff… and how pretty you are and…”

“i like you too, mark, i really really like you”

and the you two hug and boom youre dating aAAAA so cute

dating college!mark would be the softest thing ever

he would memorise your favourite drink and buy it for you every morning without fail

you reckon mark would be broke by the end of the year from buying your favourite white chocolate mocha from starbucks every morning lol

and wait outside the girls’ dorm for you

and the main point is he looks good while waiting for you that sometimes you come down a lil later to just take candid pics of him waiting for you LOL

if mark’s lectures end earlier than yours, he would wait for you outside your lecture room like omg sweetest boyfriend ever

basically you guys are like inseperable

but he’s a lil shy with the pda during the first steps of the r/s so expect loads of blushy mark

but when he’s warmed up to it he’s like the clingiest baby ever

he does give you space tho,, which youre thankful for

and when he stays up too late to do his music assignment you would creep into the studio to bring him some snacks and coffee

and make sure he gets sleep because this boy can’t be stopped unless youre around

you joined the dance club soon after he joined an like you two are the literal power couple with the visuals and talents just,,, debut together please

when ya’ll did 1million dance studio’s All I Wanna Do choreography iT WAS LIT AND SLAYING EVERYONE WAS CHEERING

mark is generally rlly shy with compliments so you always compliment him so that people dont take advantage of his humility if that makes sense

like there was once he had a group project and je did most of the work and everyone was like “mark you did all the work!! this isnt a group project”

mark was like no omg my teammates did the work too

and his jackass teammate was like “oh mark only did half of the work and we did the most”

you were ready to fight that asshole and mark had to literally hold you back 

mark really likes it when you steal his hoodies and wear it to lectures bc you look so cute in them

and his graphic tees too this boy has gr8 fashion ngl

when the break rolls around you guys would go cafe hopping and eat till your stomachs were almost exploding

and also shopping for clothes and all that

mark was willing to be your human guinea pig when you buy makeup when your hand runs out of space for swatches

and when its time to pay mark just shoves his credit card to the cashier and youre like

“mark youre gonna be so broke thats $128 worth of makeup”

and you pouting and mark had to use his fingers to lift your lips up into a smile

“you’ve done so much for me for just being my girlfriend, babe, just let me pay for it this once”

and it was the 34th time he paid lmao

anyhow dating!college mark is all pure and fluffy and innocent

please give mark lots of love

[sashayed]

Good afternoon, elegant natural beauties. Do u guys want to read a short, incoherent stream-of-consciousness review of Every Single Perfume I’ve Sampled since May 2016? of course you do! I put a star next to the ones that are good on me.  i originally wrote “next to the ones i recommend” but of course every perfume smells completely different on every person so Who Knows. i don’t wanna get blog sued for recommending you a fragrance that smells like a butt on you.

★ annick goutal ce soir ou jamais - rose! big, overblown, spicy rose. musky. amber. really good! a little too floral for me personally but it’s very like a flapper wearing a rose in her hair & i would recommend for somebody else

annick goutal grand amour - unremarkable, thin floral. also gone almost immediately?? what even was this. annick. get it together.

★ annick goutal nuit etoilee - ohhhh, yes. soothing, but not boring. something like -- blue-gray forests and -- mint tea? it's cool and delicate and sort of cozy. mint leaves and resin. herbal, graceful, understated: warm tea and a pine fire on a cold night. it’s too elegant to be homey. it’s like if your ex-wife of 20 years invited you over to dinner and everything in the house was lovely and the dogs were asleep and even the trees outside tapped their branches on the glass just as you remembered it, but over dinner you realized from the coolness of her glance and the graciousness of her manner toward you, you knew absolutely that she had moved on, and however kindly she treated you you would only ever be a guest in this house -- your ex-wife might wear this.

★ l'artisan mon numero 6 - sort of woodsy and masculine in a good way! sandalwood, hibiscus. a gamine in a bower.

annick goutal petite cherie edt - can something be both powdery and juicy? pear and soap? it's nice -- very girly and sort of demurely playful -- but even with a surprising musky note down in there, it doesn't make much of a statement. 

★ atelier cedrat envirat - a greener, woodsier Orange Sanguine. in spite of the name, the cedar is much more of a basenote, a strong vibration; more noteable are the citrus tones, especially as it dries. more lemon-lime than orange. delicious and fresh and invigorating. i can wear OS at any season, but this feels very summer-specific.

balenciaga b. - fresh at first but then….weird old bread?? what? what is happening. it’s still not bad but there’s something so floury/powdery about it. in spite of that bakery/kitchen association it’s not spicy – it’s green & dry. Fine, but not a keeper.

cb i hate perfume burning leaves edt - not so impressive on me anymore. it used to feel cozy and i'd get a hint of rich woods but now that sweetness is more like....bbq sauce. like, i just smell like i wandered into your house with grill smoke in my unwashed hair. this is fine and great when it happens organically, but a lil too meaty for my taste in perfume. not great projection either.

cb i hate perfume i am a dandelion - sharp & earthy greens – what florals there are are more crushed than blooming. i’d want to layer this with something but by itself it’s too much mica/dirt on me.

cb i hate perfume wild hunt - WET EARTH. foliage and moss. ozone. that low alcoholic thing that’s very cb-typical. round dirt. fades very fast.

clean rain - cheap but good. nothing remarkable though and it fades VERY quickly to regular bar soap. you could get the same effect for a fraction of the price with that $8 cucumber melon body splash from bath & body works.

★ comme des garcons blue santal - oh HELLO good MORNING! clean, tomboyish, scented wood and juniper. a ski lodge smell -- outdoorsy, but more moneyed than natural. the perfume equivalent of super-expensive ”reclaimed wood” scandinavian furniture.

d'orsay intoxication - bluh. the two words that come to mind are “honey” and “widowhood,” tbh, which makes this sound better than it is. it's just a sort of indeterminate, dated chypre floral, with an old-lady's-bathroom musk. which is better than old-man's-bathroom musk, obviously, but i'm not into this.

★ demeter honeysuckle edt - as pure and natural on me as annick goutal’s way more expensive chevrefeuille. projection & lasting aren’t as good but SUCH a fresh, sweet, uncloying honeysuckle.

derek lam 10 crosby drunk on youth edp - your cute friend’s hair after a shower. fancy girl shampoo. then it blossoms out and gets deeper & sweeter--pure honeysuckle, but still soapy, hence the shampoo. lovely, but too $$$ for basically a nice bathroom-steam smell.

dkny be desired edp - starts w/ sweet grapefruit & violet – then that shampoo-y smell – then the shampoo gets synthetic. it’s not BAD exactly, just mad artificial with a sharper and sharper plastic line through it. although ooo, as it dies down it gets REALLY nice. not worth that early stuff but very sweet and sporty.

dolce & gabbana intense - strong & sweet. intoxicating but also marshmallowy? tuberose. kind of like a lollipop. yes. booze lollipop. i dig it but it’s too sweet to be a standby for me. although the boozy vanilla about 15 mins in is SUPER delicious.

elizabeth & james nirvana black - i’ve heard this suggested as a dupe for Black Orchid but nirvana is WAY sweeter on me. more licorice, less tobacco and the vanilla comes across much less organically. some scents kind of fold your own smell into themselves and enhance it? that’s the goal for me & this w/ my particular chemistry is like the opposite. very “mask”-y.

★ giorgio armani si edp - YUM. lychee with some sharper fizz behind. black pepper? then incense/spiced wood? super sophisticated & sexy. reviews say “vanilla” – i’m not getting that at all.

gucci flora glorious mandarin edt - a burst of tangerine, then low slightly spicy flowers. good, but not great.

★ guerlain idylle - oo. oooooo. delicious. this is described as a “floral” but i’m getting something richer – something of that amber vanilla musk that i used to get with Black Orchid. i guess i smell the rose under that. as it dries it gets sweeter but not in a bad way – fruit-sweet, like a wet raspberry.

★ imaginary authors cobra and the canary - tobacco, smoke, leather. very distinctive and really kind of nice. i think you could pair this with something femmey for a really interesting layered smell but WHO HAS THE TIME!!

★ issey miyake a scent - spring. sharp cut green flower stems. wet but guarded. crisp. lemon tree & hyacinth in the very back. like it a lot. as it wears down it becomes deeper and more floral – a wet garden. (had this on same arm w/ d&g intense & they’re like the opposite of each other. a palate refresher!)

★ juliette has a gun mmm - sooooo good! like….creamy white flowers and orange rind and cinnamon? as usual with white flowers it’s a little sweeter than the woman i picture myself to be, but true to its name it is DELICIOUS.

laura mercier nuits enchantees - VANILLA EXTRACT! so delicious but unfortunately then this weird powdery almost nutty?? note appears. almond? or wait: marzipan. ough, that must be the patchouli. yeah, no thanks.

le labo vanille 44 - so good at first! rich warm vanilla-extract vanilla. spicy. wintry. something a little like rubber or plastic – or playdoh?? – deep under it, which is the only drawback -- except that then as it dries it fades to just that rubber plastic thing. :/ this was a disappointing relationship.

miller harris la pluie - weirdly old & incongruous on me – like one of those perfume sampler packs i played dress up with as a kid. not bad, but seems to have nothing to do with my skin.

oscar de la renta something blue - PURPLE MARKER SMELL? remember those smelly markers and the purple one was really good? this is like a fancier version of that. then it goes to more complex flowers.

★ pinrose treehouse royal - this is SO FAMILIAR, why?? what is it? vitabath??? green, delicious, ginger underneath. cassis and vetiver. very clean. i’ve never tried pinrose before and i really like it!

★ pinrose campfire rebel - oh wow. oh WOW. green smoke. everything i stopped getting from burning leaves – none of that charcoal meatiness. just clean autumn air and good whiskey. i gotta get more pinrose!

★ prada luna rossa - POWERFUL dude musk. spicy herbal, amber-y. Very very masc. Feels like Jean Dujardin inviting you behind the boat house for a cigarette.

ralph lauren polo black a wealthy, slightly effete dude sauntering out of the locker room. tropical fruit and sandalwood. very clubby, but also VERY delicious – at first. unfortunately it fades FAST to Eau de Douche. like, not the vaginal hygeine product, just a douchey guy in a club. ugh.

ralph lauren romance - very femme perfume-y – the opposite of luna rossa. Flowers first – rose & lily? Feels like the dullest body splash you could get from Victoria’s Secret. Inoffensive, boring flowers.

stella mccartney sheer - fruity! a less strong l'imperatrice. juicy. sweet and soapy.

★★★ tom ford noir pour femme - ohhhh shiiiiiit yes. ohhhhh you’ve done it again thomas. musk and vanilla. warm smoke. cardamom. this perfume is a cardamum blessing. i feel so sophisticated yet sexy yet also somehow cozy and warm?? a femme fatale in an oversized sweater. oh god, it just gets better and warmer and sexier every minute. WHEN WILL I BE RICH?? @daeontherun bought me a tube of this for XMAS because she’s a SAINT and we all put it on and spent the rest of the evening deeply inhaling our own wrists. can’t recommend highly enough.

[katesficnotes]

For the ask: 1, 3 & 15 for Wild for to Hold!

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

I did toy with writing this other ways!!  

For a time, I thought of pursuing an epistolary approach to the story (since, for most of it, there’re lots of ppl away from one another, etc.), but I found 1) I wanted to delve into the characters’ minds in ways they might not write down 2) I’m really frickin lazy hahaha and for whatever reason this more standard approach is easier for me - esp bc I can feel a little more content w myself in writing more modernized dialogue rather than letters: since I’ve never heard a Tudor person speak to me, I can pretend its ok accuracy-wise, whereas I can read Tudor letters and KNOW they don’t sound like that hahaha  I’m a perfectionist and I torture myself w these weird details that I fully realize matter to no one else hahaha  But I’m ultimately glad I didn’t do that.  I don’t think the story would’ve flowed as well since, that way, you’re always removed from the action ++ you know certain things: for instance, whoever’s writing the letter had enough time to experience said event AND write it down, so they’re probably alive, etc.

The other thing I thought of doing - and almost did!! - was writing it in present tense.  Actually, a lot of the earlier chapters I initially wrote in present tense and then went back to edit into past tense.  I actually sometimes wish I had stuck with the present tense for certain scenes - for others I’m glad I didn’t.  I write differently, depending on the tense in which I’m writing idk hahaha which works better for some things than others.

I did also struggle with where to begin the story, proper!  I thought about following the journeys of the entire Tudor family during their exile and of showcasing the transition from rebel!Perkin to king!Richard and his consolidation of power, regal priorities, etc.  As you can see, the story is way long enough withOUT all of that so that was the primary reason for cutting it and going with the time-jump to the Tudor bros arriving in France hahaha

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

WOW!!  Truth be told, I’ve written 201,564 words of this fic and probs remember a whole fifteen of them  and most of that’s dialogue hahaha ;DDDD  But I mean...I won’t lie to you...almost every chapter I have some lil nugget I’m quite proud of hahaha and if its not too spoilery for the given chapter, that’s generally what I put in the chapter description hahaha so reading those will give you a collection of my favorite quotes, for the most part, but yeah!! 

So I LOVE this question bc it has me analyzing my own writing which is GREAT bc I’m gonna get to the editing segment of this project soon so I need to be up for that!!!!!!!  Again, not to toot my own horn hahaha but I do have a number of narration quotes I quite enjoy - I mean, there’re nearly 100 chapters!! which is nuts!! so I’m glad I feel that way hahah - so I narrowed it down to my more recent chapters to find a quote and here it is!!

Her husbands all were dead and now, so was she, dead and buried and already replaced. It seemed so strange and so predictable: she’d replaced her own husbands again and again and another time yet: now it was her time to be covered over and forgotten. This, too, was her duty: to give way to another woman…even one born from so small an estate as the one that was coming. Yes, Anne would replace Catherine as Catherine once had replaced Elizabeth and on and on and on it went. Perhaps Elizabeth was right. Perhaps, even now, they all lived only in the memories of those who once had known them.

Which...small ironies bc we know, historically CoA DID give way to Anne Boleyn as Queen of England but, given the v different circumstances, seeing it in opposition of (many things hahah including) her duty, she wouldn’t relent whereas here it is in alignment with (many things including) her duty, so she ~does.  I try, w this fic, always to be mindful of what really did happen, even while building a different sequence of events.

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

So much!!!!!  I’ve just...learned so, so much!  For one, keeping to a v strict routine and schedule (I MUST have a chapter by midnight on Saturdays each week unless I have a very good reason why not - such reasons being limited to v srs situations such as deaths in the family, etc) works really well for me!!  Things like, powering through writer’s block is the only way to get shit done!!  Things like...writing about the real stuff can ultimately be super healing even when it hurts, hurts, hurts!!  Things like: I am actually capable of finishing a book.  I’m not there yet, but I can see the finish line, I can almost touch it, it’s so close (now, watch, it’ll take me two years to write the ending jk jk ;DDDD)  And that’s not even counting alllllll the research I’ve done for this!  I mean, not to toot my own horn here, but I knew a LOT of things going into this, particularly about Henry and Anne, but woW will I come out of it knowing things esp about Perkin Warbeck!!  The whole thing has just been such a ride, really, I’m not gonna know what to do with myself when it’s over!! ;DDDD

[useless-crafting-lesbian]

the ash pants

sometimes ..... a gal needs a good in between project ... enter the ash pants

i’m going off of this pattern from mood but i’m going to edit it pretty intently. the goal is to have them done by the end of the day .. We Shall See .

11:44 am || i’ve finished up with therapy (haha :) we got nowhere but it’s all ggGgGGGg) fabric, zippers, and thread has been purchased. because of all the sales going on at joann’s i ended up getting fabric for another pair of pants too but for now i’m just going to focus on this one. 

yee yee bo let’s party

1:53 pm || wow a bitch lost a lot of time it’s been like four hours but i don’t know for sure because i’m refusing to do the math. i taped the whole pattern together .. can’t say it was an enjoyable process. normally the assembly of mood patterns is super nice n easy but this took forever and everything isn't lining up which is super promising but yolo i guess 

3:08 pm || good heavens this is taking a really long time. i have finished altering and cutting out the pattern pieces for the pants .. the original pattern intended for a fit look up to like the knees and then a flare but bitch i have crippling body image problems tight clothes on my t h i g h s is Not going to happen also i don’t like flared pants they remid me of fifth grade and no one wants that

the pieces are really really r e a l l y wide (especially the back ones) so i feel like i should do something about that but .. eh .... i’m going to eat my lemon tart (eep) and think about it

3:52 pm || eep time is really passing huh ............... well i ate my tart .... i’m feeling hashtag bad about my body !!!!! but what’s new buenos aires. i’ve settled on making half a pair of pants from my ikea muslin and reassessing which is what i’m about to start cutting/sewing now so ! stay tuned i guess

5:19 pm || good g o d five nineteen why is this taking so fucking loNg !!!!!!!! sdfghjgfdfg aNyways i finally have a pattern that will (hopefully ?) work so yeehaw i guess. i don’t have any pictures though because i’m depressed So yep :) i’m going to make a list of changes to the original pattern that have taken place thus far

changes to paper pattern

✰ the flares were turned straight leg by making a hypotenuse (?) connecting where the side seam first begins to curve in and the bottom hem

✰ the front and back were changed from two pieces each to one (like a ... normal .... pair of ... pants .......)

✰ the pattern was graded from a size six at the waist to a size twelve at the hips cause a bitch is most certainly Not proportional ;)

✰ the patch pocket was elongated so i can actually put things in it

✰ the waistband was turned from a front and back piece to one total piece that will be cut on the fold (but i’ll probably change it back)

✰ maybe other things i’m forgetting ? i think that’s it though

changes to muslin pattern

✰ two big ol darts were added to the front and back pieces. the darts will not be in the final i just needed the pants to be significantly smaller. i’m already kind of regretting not doing pleats but Oh Well I Guess

✰ i darted the waistband too just to make the slope more intense so it would fit me

✰ at some point i’ll have to alter the pocket to be narrower so it stays proportional but i’ll figure it out 

also i’m Pissed because mood just released a pattern that’s literally exactly what i need and it would have saved literal h o u r s of effort but whatever we all die eventually

i guess now i’ll make these damn pants pattern matching wooOOoOOOo i have no experience in that and am Definetly going to fuck something up

6:53 pm || someone please tell me why this glorified pair of pyjama pants is more time consuming then literally any gown i’ve ever made .... pattern matching is going Great thanks for asking

9:07 pm || okay things are actually kind of Going now .. once all the making the pattern and painstakingly matching everything up work is done everything goes really fast. i’ve sewed up the front and back rises, as well as cut out the pockets (matching the pattern Of Course), hem the lil hole thing where you put your hand in (?? the opening ?? is that what you meant ???) and pressed everything because only losers don’t press their seams. i still don’t have pictures because Not Enough Has Been Done and also they still look like dumb pyjamas ksksksjfj it’s cool though. so now i’m going to sew the pockets on and the side and inseams up !!!!!! if you really want Real directions of how to make these ... i recommend the mood website or just .. your pre-existing pant making knowledge .......

10:36 pm || i’m still not done with these fucking pants ...... i need to make the waistband (which i’ve been procrastinating on), sew up the other side seam and put in the zipper then hem it all it doesn’t sound like a lot but i have a feeling it will take me to one am at the rate i’ve been going

1:11 am || ha ha ha ha ahaa im at a place in my life where i’m Refusing to sleep until these pants are done mcfUCK WHY IS THIS TAKING SO LONG anyway a progress update i even have a whole two pictures ..!..... so i pussied out of making a waistband that was all one piece and ended with a front and back because i’m a coward. i did my best to line up the vertical stripes on the pants with the waistband not that you can tell from this picture why did i even take this it’s boring and stupid

but yeah that’s how the pants have been for hours now .. sewn at the rises and one (1) side seam. for the waistband i made a front and back, cut two of each, sewed at the top, pressed, pressed the bottom edge in by some amount no idea how much, pinned onto the pants and s e w e d mothefucker !!!!!!!!!! 

i ended up ripping my one sewn side seam open part way to jam my zipper in (which i did with the baste, pin zipper, topstitch, undo basting method) and then sewed up the other side seam !!! and yeah that’s it

now all that’s left is sewing the inseam and hemming and they will f i n a l l y be done dfghjklkjhgf

2:01 am || okay so they’re still not done and i know i promised i wouldn’t sleep until they were but i’m afraid i’ll do something impulsive to them if i keep going tonight so i’m going to call it here. all that’s left is sewing a hook and eye to the side and then figuring out what to do to the bottom hem. it’s quite a bit too long and cuffing it just looks . dumb .. so i need another solution. hence why i’m waiting till the morning. because i am Itching to just c h o p a big ol strip off the bottom

anyway we got pretty far and yeah it doesn’t feel like enough and y e ah i’m disappointed in myself for not going All The Way but we all die eventually so this doesn’t matter

3:56 pm || whats UP motherfuckers these pants are almost D O N E i just finished hemming them so party fuckin HARD .. in the light of the new day i did in fact end up chopping about four inches off the bottom hem because those cuffs looked BAD as FUCK all that’s left on these is to sew a hook and eye in aaaaaAAAaA im so CLOSE ..... originally the plan was to make a pair of pants that don’t need a belt so i can wear them in inpatient but they look so good with a belt aaa :( oh well ..... with the chunk i cut off the bottom i’m really considering making a lil bandeau thing because i hate myself We’ll See actually no we won’t i don’t need more work we’re calling it at the pants I Have Been Shut Down okay let me sew this hook and eye

4:31 pm || THEY’RE Ḋ̵̥̬̈́͒̓Ỡ̷̦̏̂N̶̔͆̈́̓̅��̨͖͙̹̺̘͎̭͉͔͓̳̲͚̀̒̅E̶̡̧̬̲̙̼̙̜͈͍̒̍̐͂͂́̆͗̊̕͘ i’m gonna take a lil video of them for my instagram and also just to see if i can .. i’ll also post it here but in a seperate post and y e a h .. oh Also i made a lil headband out of one of the pant scraps o h ans a l s o did i mention that these HELL PANTS are D O N E ??????̸̢̝̟͙̹̣͕̰̥͉͎̱̥̾̆̒̾͂͜?̶̡̧̳̗̜͈̭̮̠͕̯̝͐̓̒̿̔̏̿͗̎̐͂͘͜͠?̵̪͓͚̭͙̙͎̏͗̈̔̽͆̅͑?̷̧̬̣̠̞̙̃̔̚͜ that is all thank you