#wow I’m just full of feelings
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Kate and Anthony’s first time scene in ‘The Viscount Who Loved Me’ hit my perfect sex scene trifecta - banter, angst and conversation.
#there was a few moments that were questionable as I’ve found in every Bridgerton book so far but it made me feel so much!#when Kate asked if Anthony was thinking of Edwina/ someone else it hurt so good#angsty sex scenes where things are said clearly after misunderstanding are the ones i remember forget#*forever#wow I’m just full of feelings#I love Kate. book Anthony is neither here nor there for me ( show Anthony is my second favourite male character after Colin)#kathony#bridgerton#the viscount who loved me
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Haha
#yanqing#honkai star rail#hsr yanqing#my immediate fixation on ice wielding child genius characters in every media I consume strikes again#idk I just think he’s neat!! and so is his gender#he’s definitely overdesigned but I do enjoy the general shape of his clothes#like wow… baggy outer layer AND baggy inner layer#how come you get to have two baggy layers#still don’t know that much about him even after reading his character stories on the wiki#so I’m hoping that his quest writes him well#I suppose there’s some degree of like interesting contrast in the fact that he’s very young on a ship full of people who live very long live#but I feel like regardless they really don’t give him much of a personality besides his hyperfixation on swords and the general naivety and#inexperience from youth yknow what I mean#I just think it would be cool to see like why he’s so ambitious! was he railroaded into being a knight because of his talents? did he try#to be accepted as a knight? what kinds of expectations is he facing and what expectations does he place on himself as a result#I really hope he isn’t just there to be a simpler minded child character for jingyuan to take care of
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controversial opinion. transmasc cassie headcanons make no sense to me bc as a wonder woman character it’s kind of a significant part of her character that she’s a girl and cares about being a woman. so it kinda feels like people are saying “hm… wears pants 🤔 doesn’t wear skirt 😲 boy 🫵❓”
#like. no hate to anyone bc i think everyone should be allowed to project onto whatever character they want#you can ignore me if you want <3 live your life trans your blorbos#it’s just. to me the fact that it’s such a common headcanon confuses me#sometimes i feel like we’ve spent so long saying ‘clothes ≠ gender’ just to come full circle to ‘skirt=girl pants=boy’#i have a similar issue with ppl saying joan of arc was a trans man#bc she wore men’s clothes because she was being degraded and sexually assaulted when she wore women’s clothes#so to be like ‘wow so gender 😍’ is so ????? to me#but that’s a completely different topic so i won’t go into it#anyways. sorry i just woke up and had thoughts#again feel free to headcanon whatever you want i’m just bitching <3
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the sky’s the limit!
#wip#feeling pretty awesome about my art! it’s been so long since i last got so much time for it so#i was worried i’d be rusty but as soon as i put oen to paper it just started flowing n i’m so happy honestly wow#anyway this isn’t my fursona’s full ref or anything this is just me messing around n seeing if i like how he looks
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the :3 is coming…the :3 is coming…the :3 is coming…
#context?#not so long ago I had a catlike/generally more animalistic phase of my alterhumanity#(#shapeshifterkin#)#and then it just#stopped#???#twas back to humanoid shaped#and now idk#feels like it’s been gradually coming back the last few days#perhaps not in full swing just yet but yeah#the :3 sure is coming huh#low-key missed it ngl#but then again#I’m back to the pain in the ass of craving meat all the time#and feeling weird standing up too long#which is weird because it’s like wow I’m too tall and upright not great#but at the same time#the fucking ominous creature urge wants to loom#*insert trademark*#hhhh conflicting feeling conflicting feelings….#otherkin#alterhuman#shapeshifter#voidkin#shadowkin#asher's ramblings
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Through extensive research I have pinpointed the exact feeling I get from watching Ghibli films
#they’re not meant to be understood with your brain I think#they’re meant to be understood with your heart#perhaps I’m just stupid but#every time I finish a ghibli film I’m like wow. my heart feels so heavy and healed and full. unrelated question what the fuck was that about
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I finally watch the last two episodes of the owl house and I cried.
They were not happy tears.
#the owl house#toh#hunter the golden guard#the owl house finale#for the future#watching and dreaming#luz nodeda#wow that was really just bad rep after bad rep huh#I mean I new they were gonna spit on my Aro Ace corpse#but the ‘healing Hunter of his disability’ was an unexpected knife twist for sure#all the pride flags they had in the final three episodes but they couldn’t have an in canon confimation that Lilith is AroAce??#yeah I’m officially allowed to be pissed#I’ll probably do a full post about my feelings when I stop feeling like shit#I also have a lot of fix it ideas for when I graduate from horrible sinking feeling into SPITE#so stay tuned#fox talks
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that was the exact same show i saw on tuesday…
#same setlist same outfits same lack of interaction and antics#hello you was great. again#and the crowd was wayyyyy better than sf lol#AND it was way more fun seeing them w lauren than my irl friends. full offense to them#but wow.. i gotta say yall i’m pissed and quite disappointed#idk why i expected anything at all honestly#🤡🤡🤡#i’m not trying to sound ungrateful i rly would not feel this way if they had just done one song different lmao#it’s just classic. my fault actually for having expectations#they just seemed so tired.. i feel like it’s hitting them how long this tour is and how overbooked they are#and they’re just going thru the motions#:///// whateverrrrrr sorry for glug glug glugging clown juice and haterade tonight. it will happen again
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I saw in your notes that you had to cancel your birthday so happy (possibly late) birthday!!
Haha thanks it was last year in September lol!!
And actually I did get to do birthday plans it was just kinda miserably bc the reason I was going to cancel was due to conflicts with my mum (and her making me feel like an awful person about it), but my other mum didn’t care and we went anyways and it was actually fine (the concerns my mum didn’t happen)
Also I was going through basically a platonic break up as well so crazy month lol
But thank you, and everyone who sent me flags, it was nice to get some positive interaction during all that!
#i think I said I cancelled out of mental health reasons#yeah my mental health issue is my parents#they technically did give me mental health issues I definitely was depressed last year before this incident#full context is I have a brother who was 3 and my mum thought he would have a tantrum at the restaurant bc it would be late#and she told me in a way that made me feel like a horrible person for even suggesting going out and never considering other people#the whole summer beforehand was about similar conflicts#but we went anyways and my brother probably enjoyed himself more than I did lol#i just checked all my discord msgs bc I talk to my friends about my parents a lot (it’s good to have a paper trail so I can know exactly wh#and how I’m traumatised by my parents lol)#and apparently after days of me asking my mum if we’re sure we can go and she’s happy to go out and to let me know if it won’t work#she made a backhanded comment the day before we were going to go out#where basically my brother was asleep and she said in a moody tone that this is what it would be like if we went out#and I was just devastated bc I gave her plenty of ways out and at that point I actually had my hopes up about it#and she didn’t say we can’t go she just shat on the idea so backhandedly#oh wow it was such a headache#we cancelled and we’re gonna do it Monday#and then last second we went out that day anyways#yknow when I wasn’t prepared and didn’t get enough sleep#my god#worst birthday actually#at least my sister was there she was cool#anyways sorry for vent ig??#anon#ask#personal
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Got really into drawing my ocs as anime bugs
#arts#ocs#I have no idea how else to tag this vn style? chibi? pc98? I mean I guess…#this was brought on by me drawing the part in my huge self indulgent Eisei and Tamara comic where he talks about his favourite childhood#anime for a reeeally long time#she’s not actually from this era of anime more like 2018/19 iirc#well her reboot she was initially from the 70s so maybe I’ll get really into 70s anime for a second#and then I’ve been getting really into trying to play vns from the 80s and 90s like really influential ones but I don’t know how to actually#get the English versions so I just think about it for a realllly long time#I want to play tokimeki memorial… but apparently the snes version isn’t really like the full release#and I can’t figure out how to get the actual English patch to work#and also I was listening to magical cure love shot for a while and wow the Japanese comments were right this is heisei era as fuck#I actually don’t draw a lot or as much as I used to and I do feel sad about that so I’m very glad this got me to draw even if for two days#I want to master all the art styles that I saw when I was a wee baby in the internet#I’ve got anime down#and the flipnote style kind of I just need to get good at emo/scene art
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feeling very torn open and made raw by music in this chilis tonight
#it’s twenty one pilots too. i can’t fucking believe this#i haven’t listened to them since high school. and for good reason#but I listened to a snippet of one of their new songs. and perhaps it’s indicative of my current mental state#but I put on the full song#and. wow!#tyler joseph was just like#hey kid remember your first year of university? when you left your dorm in the middle of the night to wander in the street#hoping you’d get hit by a car or mugged or something bc it’s fucking. downtown???#do you remember how that felt???? because I wrote a FUCKING. song about that exact feeling. enjoy reliving that emotional experience#cant change what you’ve done!!!! start fresh next semester!!!!!!!#absolutely fucked that I’m letting this band do this to me again. absolutely unacceptable#I’m going to bed out of protest. tyler joseph I’ll kick your fucking ass for this
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me earlier today: *complaining to my therapist about how i have literally no control over myself when it comes to food and spending money*
me as soon as i got home: *orders new shoes and has a full blown binge attack*
#personal#tw binging#wow this is so funny i love my life uwu xd ha ha ha yay#FUCKING KMS#i‘m so full i’m about to throw up and i feel so guilty and nasty and oh boy#like i feel phyisically ill#the shoes are so cool tho………#i still feel bad cause i just spent 180€ on albums on saturday#and about 200€ on stray kids stuff since the five star release#im 🤡🤡🤡🤡#we love having no impulse control whatsoever
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bruh i get such a superiority complex over being a good writer
#i keep seeing ppl post their ‘essay that got me into harvard’ and every time i’m like damn. ig i should’ve applied to harvard#like not to be full of myself but these essays SUCK i am a way better writer than them. lol. i have edits#i don’t act like it on here bc it’s fun to break grammar rules & i never believe ppl when they say i’m a good writer but then i see someone#else’s writing and i’m like oh wow. i am really really good at this apparently#i’m not necessarily the best at fiction but journalism? narratives? PERSONAL ESSAYS? i am a MASTER apparently#these kids r sooooo proud of their essays and i look and it’s like ‘babes why r u showing me this. isnt it just a draft. huh’#i wish i could afford one of those fancy schools with no merit aid 😭😭 goin to a good school for mega cheap but i feel like i would have#gotten into some ivies if i’d been able to try. at least on the basis of writing.#affirmative action isn’t keeping you from the ivies babe it’s your horrid essay topic & style & grammar & concision & approach. lol#sorry for being conceited or whatever but also if u’d just read this girl’s essay u would be too
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and yep, those two were most definitely dating.
#warning for word-vomit: it is so funny it is SO FUCKING funny those two Uber-specific parallels between ex-boyfriends who share no scenes#you can FEEL mason just going ‘UGHH shit not this again’#like. he has the exact same convo with both Lucas and Corey. and those two dated. but Lucas was a definitive ‘bad guy’#ITS JUST. HILARIOUS and terrifying bc these kids are what 15/16?? Lucas was said to be timid before the dd’s fried him.#corey seemed desperately lonely bc of his parent’s neglect. I wonder what relationship he had with Lucas?#but they’re both hellbent on staying alive. that shows that morality wise they’re similar maybe?#interesting-Lucas turned aggressive after the dd’s while Corey turned quiet and wary. offense via stingers/defence in invisibility#granted Lucas didn’t full on die but I wonder-if Corey’s invisibility came from his feelings of neglect/ Lucas’ powers came from buried rage#Corey said he was shy in their relationship then he’s dominating in sinema–I’m guessing he wasn’t as openly queer as Corey for REASONS#hmm. wow this is what my eng lit classes taught me#teen wolf#morey#Mason Hewitt#Corey Bryant#shitpost#teen wolf lucas#mason x Corey#Corey x mason
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little brothers and their will to #slay, man </3
#while yes yes this post technically does apply to the simp bros i wanna cry about my own bro in the tags so you have been warned~?#so to start off my monthly existential crisis rant i just wanna say that… i’m so so soo envious of my bro. like to a really unhealthy extent#he’s tall enough to reach the top shelves. i can barely touch them if i jump. he has so many friends and even a gf. i have 0 irl friends.#he is able to sit in one spot and focus on his studies. i can’t even sit down for a full half hour to *eat* without getting up to take a nap#he’s learning how to drive. i can’t. he was admitted into university. i wasn’t. he’s able to find what he likes and stick to it. i can’t.#like mannn. he thrived in the course he chose in tertiary education while i lost my passion for it in the middle of my first year.#he’s good at picking up everything he tries (puzzle cubes; bball; you name it he’s good at it) while i’m just. bad at everything i try lol#he’s very good at his studies (aside from languages) and sports. i’m not good at anything at all.#he gets told that he has a great sense of humour. i’m just. boring and annoying. lolllll#he’s super sociable and he has good relations with pretty much every single family member (sans me). i’m not in contsct with most of the fam#heck he was pretty much the favourite from the moment he was born. his baby pics still get brought up from time to time bc of how cute he is#(granted it’s bc he looks like a bby m*ch*l*n man (like the tire company mascot) and he’s super cute in them but still)#and he’s also a guy and content with being a guy which is just… not fair y’knowwww~~~ asian family boy biases and all (cries)#our father pretty much cast me aside once my bro was old enough to hang with him. and even before then the bias was as clear as day. >:(((((#i make the dude mad? i get screamed at and whaccced. bro gets the dude mad? he gets a lesson on how to throw punches instead!!! like wow!!!!#he’s the only one who got to escape any direct physical harm from the guy and yet!!!! he was the 1st one to be singled out for trauma focus#idk if it’s bc of his age back then or whattttt but i can’t believe i had to friggin’ ask my therapist back then for a trauma assessment :(#2015 was a different time… my bro managed to succeed in school while i was rejected from the drama club for being too depressed :((((#but i’m sure my bro has his own share of struggles… and i’m glad that he has a few groups of friends to chill with. really.#but i just can’t help feeling extremely envious of him. i could never tell him any of this though we hardly talk at home lol#and he pretends not to know me when i approach him in public lmfaoooo. i don’t blame him though; i’d do the same if i were to approach me#so yeah. if you read this i’m sorry for being cringefail and bad at everything~~ am i still allowed to pollute your dash~? <3#and also. idk if i’ll be able to continue sischange over this week bc i’ll be handling 2 workstations by meself :( and idk how tired i’ll be#but we’ll see ok~? sorry for having zero time management skills am i still qualified to be a legit adult~?#sunday’s 🧂saltfest🧂
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i have bad melted soup brain today and i hate it
#i have never really felt like just disappearing off of the face of the earth and not talking to Anyone before but i have been thinking of it#a lot today! which is wild bc not my normal isolation thought but today it seems good ahahahaha#i am just. tired. i feel like i am not listened to ever and i feel unwanted as hell lately which i know in the back of my mind i am not#unwanted but boy do it feel like that lately lol. and i’ve been back on my ‘im gonna die alone bc nobody ever will love me how i love them’#bullshit which i have Not missed but it is come back full on ! soooo fun for me hahahahahaha i love to feel miserable about being unwanted#by those around me!!!! love it sooooooooooo much weeeeeee i totally don’t wanna slam my head through a window!!!!#also just in general lately i have felt like people talking to me is a chore to them bc nobody around me has been having actual conversation#it’s all been shit ass one word or one sentence replies from everyone or they talk about what they want and not acknowledge what i said and#i don’t even know what to do about it. i just don’t even want to talk to anyone now bc i feel like they literally don’t want to speak to me#and they don’t care what i have to say clearly bc they don’t pay attention and then bring up what i said says or weeks later like i never#said anything and it’s like hm wow yeah i fucking told you about that??? maybe if you pay attention you’d have known that but it’s fine !!!!#I’m just. tired of it. i am fully understanding of everyone having lives and doing their own things they need to do. but this is like. fr#different. like it feels so much different than that and i don’t get it and i don’t know what to do !!!!!!! i feel like i’m going Nuts#anyways if any of you wanna stick me through a meat grinder i would be forever thankful and you have the rights to take anything i own after#what this boils down to is my autistic ass is like everyone is not doing their normal thing!!! everyone is off their normal talking schedule#with me!!!! this must mean they fucking want me dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bc they went off script/pattern and not in a way they have in the past#that indicated that they just are struggling to reach out! this is different and bad and they want you out of their life!!!!!!!#which is ridiculous but what the fuck am i to do about it bc i will be thinking this until i basically am told otherwise by these people. so#that’s soooo much fun i love brains they’re so silly i wish i could jump at a wall and stick to it until i just slowly peel off and onto the#floor. anyways. hope everyone else has a good night
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