#do you remember how that felt???? because I wrote a FUCKING. song about that exact feeling. enjoy reliving that emotional experience

[skelelephant]

feeling very torn open and made raw by music in this chilis tonight

[green-blue-heller]

No… no…

Like…

This is all actually somehow worse (better?)…

Remember, this is literally only eight minutes in!

He looks down as soon as he says it, a little flustered and embarrassed. But there’s no indication he’s about to no-homo what he said.

There’s a slightly awkward pause with him and Misha. But Misha doesn’t actually look surprised (cue your memory of his over-dramatic look when Jensen said he recorded them… in the zoom, not room, for the podcast…) or upset or like anything.

So like… did they have a discussion at some point, that if there was ever an opening to put that out there, that if either of them felt comfortable enough in the situation, that they could take the opportunity???

And Jensen decided to take a freight train and make steer that puppy right in there…

Because here’s the thing.

If there had been no prior discussion and understanding that something like that could be said, Misha would have every right to be upset - considering nothing about Jensen’s demeanor was indicative to it being a joke.

We have had a decade of jokes and bits to know when he’s making a joke. Even if we know it’s a half truth contained within the joke/bit.

It looks more like he’s just catching up and realizing where Jensen is taking this.

And it seems like just as they’re about to fully process and address, cue the music and cake.

Like I want… no, I need to know how they were going to follow up on that statement.

But now we’ll never know.

And even though their moment got interrupted, they weren’t uncomfortable with one another after and neither of them pulled away.

In fact, for the next 50+ minutes they’re still being sweet and cracking jokes and you have Jensen serenading Misha and as he literally sits on the floor, practically at Jensen’s feet, staring at him as though he’s the eighth fucking wonder of the world, Jensen gets so flustered he can’t play the guitar or remember the lyrics.

To 1) a song he literally wrote and 2) to a song he’s been singing and playing for a decade! 😂🤣😂

No… seriously… look at him…

So then Jensen is like come on back up here and let’s write a song. Let’s write a song together…

And the look on Jensen’s face, when Misha sings making it about Dean with Sam and then immediately adds about the angel.

Like, Jensen was 💯 planning a romantic song and yeah Misha did kind of try to reign things in a little there, as he always has to do during their panels, but Jensen was like nope, this isn’t a brothers song.

And how do we really know Misha wasn’t upset?

“Deeeean… Deeean… I love you, Dean. Dieter… kiss me…”

Yes, it was their characters, and him and JP were trying to annoy Jensen and get a rise out of him (and I so love that we did get a grumpy!jensen moment, because they’re so damn adorable and that asshole knows it). But he wouldn’t have kept saying “I love you” and “kiss me” if he’d been upset about being publicly declared as Danneel and Jensen’s boyfriend…

Sorry for hijacking your post, Ary, but this why I’m kind of convinced they may have actually sort of planned this. Maybe not this exact moment, but the general happening of this moment.

(Special thanks to @angelradioco for workshopping this with me last night… lol)

What I want to know is WHY?

Why'd you say it, Jensen? You didn't have to. You were talking about cooking for fuck's sake! COOKING!! You said you like spicy food-- and that your wife often makes you spicy food.

How great.

How wholesome.

Sure, you kinked it up a bit. You went on to say that she knows how to "spice things up in the kitchen."

Ha Ha

*wink wink * nudge nudge*

And Misha of course responded in his very Misha-like-way with -- "Oh yeah she does!"

So you go "Ayye!" in your trademarked Dean-ish, mock-grumpy tone.

And that was fine.

That was all good, Jensen. You could've left it there, son! You could've gone back to the fucking innocuous topic of cooking.

Go on and share Danneel's recipe. Maybe your favorite spice while you're at it. Or even just go back to saying Italian words in your very Mario & Luigi type accent ... any of that would've worked, my guy.

The world is filled with non-implicating topics!

But NOOOOO .... instead you take a fucking eon-long pause, rub your thigh in the universally known nervous-jackles way, and then you say:

"SHE DOES REFER TO MISHA AS HER BOYFRIEND"????

and then

AAANNDDD THEN

ANNNNDDD THEN YOU SAY

"WHICH IS FUNNY 'CAUSE SO DO I????"

YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT COOKING, SIR!!!

COOKING!

MOTHER FUCKING COOKING!

[apurikottotii]

november song recs

i know this month hasn't ended yet, but i know it's gonna get busy after thanksgiving break, so i'm gonna write this now. i want to start writing these to sort of remember these months by songs i liked. a good reminder to how each month was like. this month was a lot less vocaloid centric than usual. maybe that's good. i'm becoming more normal.....

---this december - ricky montgomery

the second i heard this song i immediately fell in love. it felt like something i've heard before, something that would have played a lot during my childhood. it's so familiar. it really reminds me to not be so depressed and hopeless this winter, reminding me how wonderful life can be. because maybe, this winter, "i'll remember".

---internet yamero - needy girl overdose, kotoko, aiobahn

i tried to listen to this song before (because the vibes are immaculate), however i did not like the parts before the "chorus". well... i gave it another try because the chorus is just too good. the parts before the chorus i recently found to be so cool as well. the deliriousness kind of brings a smile to my face... it really is a song that encapsulates the internet well.

---spoiled princess - fujiwo

yeah i already wrote a post about this so i won't say much. what a nice song in a specific trope i really like. emunene cover is also splendid.

---animal - deco27

why am i still listening to this i swear it's been months. i first listened to the amane cover (which i honestly... like better. the instrumental is different and the timbre of her voice is really nice) but i recently started listening to the og vocaloid one too. one of the few deco27 songs i like... i guess the onomatopoeias are very catchy... as well at the 8-8-7#-8! that it does. a lot

---gehenna - wotaku

very recent addition, but it's very memorable. it vaguely sounds like happy halloween??? the instrumental/verses have such a different feeling compared to the chorus... but what a wonderful song in terms of its lyrics. "'i want to stay alive'/ i don't know why/ but 'i want to stay alive'" as well as "'i want to stay alive'/ 'I don't want to stay alive'/ it's so unfortunate/but we have to live"... and the whole last stanza on "deceiving" and "couldn't tell you". i love how it also says "and this is so sad". what wonderful wording. because no matter what, we just have to keep living. one thing that's throwing me off is the vague rapping in the background...? what is going on in the instrumental. also wtf mr. shanti guy made this. such a different style.

---phantasm suite - hoyomix "the golden midsummer"

okay. hear me out. it's a really really good instrumental piece okay... and the spoken word really makes it even better. "often times, i could not even see right in front of me/we will meet again, no matter how far along down the road", "to you from the past, i hope you liked this song", "please, be proud of all that is unreal... for we are greater than this world", "it has never voiced a complaint, for that is its destiny"... it reminds me of summer when i played this event.

---those eggs aren't dippy - jack stauber

the first 10 seconds are so fucking good????? especially the "let me in your eaaarrrr" i even made it my alarm! it's perfect because it's so short. unfortunately it's not doing a great job of waking me up. it's too catchy.

---love ka - hiiragi kirai

even though i personally did not listen to this song a lot this month, i recommended this song (via musescore) to a friend, and they really loved it so that's pretty notable. getting everyone hooked on vocaloid. seriously that musescore cover is so good. they adapted special quirks love ka does in its instrumental/vocals for piano, but not in the exact same way. they made a piano arrangement, not transcription. like tremolo for piano instead of vibrato???? gives it such a nice touch!!!

[edie-baby]

mr & mrs | liam lawson x reader

Summary: You and Liam were teammates at Hitech for 2021. You had the biggest crush on him, but you were sure he didn't see you as anything more than a little sister. But oh, how a few basic questions could uncover the truth between you.

Warnings: swearing, and I think that's it?

When you walked into work in the Hitech Grand Prix building this morning, you didn’t expect to be playing the fucking newlywed game with your crush. And if you’re being honest with yourself, crush is a light way to put it. You were head over heels for your F2 teammate and best friend, Liam Lawson. There was just something about the New Zealander that always had your heart racing, your legs buckling, and your stomach dropping.

So when you were directed into the garage for a ‘different background’ from other videos you had done with Liam, your stomach lurched. Here this gorgeous man was, in all his Kiwi glory, hair waxed back but falling out of place, jeans hugging the toned curves of his legs and ass and giving you a glorious view of his bulge, and the fucking blue sweater. The same blue sweater he had worn the last time the two of you did a video that had reduced you to a stuttering mess when you first saw him.

But now it is worse. So, so much worse. He was standing in a garage. Around cars, and tyres, and grease, and all of the inanimate objects you found so sinfully appealing, and he was just right in the middle of it looking like that. You just about turned around and walked right back out.

“Mighty Mouse! There you are. I was starting to think I’d have to be the brains and beauty of the operation.” Liam called once he spotted you, and suddenly you remembered why you had never tried making a move on him. He treated you like a little sister. Nicknames like ‘kiddo’ and ‘mighty mouse’ were a regular occurrence, and they never failed to make you squirm.

“Well, you struggle to be anything but the brawn, and I think I’m even starting to overtake you there.” You teased, pushing yourself to stay casual, platonic, familial. There was so much opportunity to flirt with him, but the few times you had tried were brushed off, so you had given up many moons ago.

“Ouch Princess, that hurts.” Liam mocked, his hand cradling his chest and you couldn’t help but wonder how it would be to fall asleep against his chest, curled up after a rough night of-

“Who’re you calling princess, princess?” You shot back, cutting your thoughts off before they continued developing and became an issue. Liam laughed, his arm slung around your shoulder while the two of you walked over to the team that were in charge of running your activity for the afternoon.

“Ok, I don’t know if you guys have heard of it, but this game is called Mr and Mrs, one of you will have a whiteboard and wear headphones while the other tries to guess what the answers to the questions you’re writing down are. Make sense? Ok, great, let’s do an intro and go from there.” One of the guys explained quickly, and you began having flashbacks to an awful 80s game show called The Newlywed Game, and blushed profusely. Having you and Liam in a video titled ‘Mr & Mrs’ was sure to get the fans going, and you couldn’t blame Hitech’s PR plan.

You and Liam settled into the wheely chairs from the office next door, Liam positioning himself in frame of the camera and fixing his stupidly perfect hair when you came barreling toward him with your chair, legs tucked up high so you didn’t cop a chair arm to the knee. Liam screeched when you finally hit him, almost toppling off the chair in surprise while you spun slowly, laughing freely as you did so.

Liam looked over at you, your head thrown back in carefree laughter, the yellow sundress that covered your body made you look radiant, and he was sure he had never seen a sight so beautiful before. Your laughter calmed down, and as you looked over at him, he couldn’t help but send you a lovestruck smile, his eyes dopey with admiration. You blushed slightly, laughing as the team asked if you could do the intro again, but actually introduce what you were doing.

Liam slid out of the frame, and you followed his movements as you could tell a fierce battle was about to commence. Kicking off the ground with force, you tucked your legs up onto the chair again, spinning into Liam so fast, you couldn’t actually see his face before you crashed into him. The two of you exploded in laughter again, laughter and smiles were common between you, and Hitech’s Instagram was full of photos and videos of you and Liam smiling at each other, or doubled over in laughter, clutching onto each other.

“Hi, I’m Liam Lawson, and this is Y/N, we drive for Hitech in Formula 2.” Liam began once you had slowed down your laughter. He kept a firm grip on the arm of your chair, holding you close and still, as your chair really liked spinning around.

“And we’re here to play Mr & Mrs, another game in our long series championship to see who the better teammate is.” You finished, gesturing to yourself subtly, but Liam caught it and pushed your chair away jokingly. As much as you loved the man and wished you could be more, you wouldn’t give up this relationship you have with him for something that might work.

MR & MRS | EDIE-BABY

“Liam, what is Y/N’s favourite colour?” The same guy from before asked, one who Liam still didn’t recognise due to the facemask and hat he was wearing. Nevertheless, he held up a whiteboard where the question was scribbled in messy writing, three multiple choice answers written waiting for not only Liam’s, but also your answer. You had airpods in your ears, connected to the blaring music playing from one of the Hitech employees’ laptops, a whiteboard in your hand that you quickly scribbled out an answer to.

Liam looked over at you, holding the whiteboard to your chest protectively so he wouldn’t cheat, but there was really no way that he could.

“It’s not an answer listed here, but her favourite colour is a light brown. She always says it calms her down because it reminds her of a cafe she went to once back home.” Liam spoke, watching you as he answered. You didn’t hear a word he was saying, bopping your head along to the 2000s hits pumping through the earphones. Liam pulled one of them out, his head nodding over to the camera while you proudly turned the board around, thinking you had gotten one over on Liam.

“My favourite colour is light brown, because it reminds me of the Brew Cafe in my hometown, and it brings a really nostalgic and calm feeling.” You stated, watching the faces of the employees morph from business to shock. You looked over at Liam, who had a smug smile on his face while he listened to your answer.

“There’s no way you could have known that!” You protested, glaring accusingly at the dirty blonde. He laughed in response, and you couldn’t have felt happier in any given moment. Not even the top step of the podium could compare to the warmth spreading in your chest. Little did you know, Liam was feeling the exact same way.

“Y/N earphones back in, Liam your next question. What is Y/N’s favourite song at the moment?” The same guy asked, yet this time there were no multiple choice answers. Liam’s eyes widened, turning to look at you to think of any songs he had heard blasting from your speakers or earphones recently, or something that you had ranted excitedly to him about. He spoke to himself, mumbling about artists and songs he could remember falling from your lips. You twirled a piece of hair around your finger, thinking about the answer to the question, when suddenly it hit him.

He had to wait a few moments as you were slowly writing down your answer, still not 100% sure of yourself. It was only after you had taken an earphone out that you jumped, furiously rubbing out the answer on the whiteboard and writing a new one, looking much more satisfied with the new answer. The team counted down, and as Liam spoke, you almost dropped the whiteboard.

“Feeling Something Bad by Ellise. She’ll start singing it randomly when she concentrates, which is usually a giveaway to what songs she's been listening to recently.” Liam said his answer so confidently that it made you feel as though you were inferior because he knew your favourite song and it took you a decent minute to think of it. Liam got another point as he had gotten two of your answers right, and you were starting to feel competitive.

“Alright Liam, who does Y/N get along with best in the F2 paddock? Oscar Piastri, Dan Ticktum, or you?”

“Oh, oh. Well, she hangs out with Oscar a lot, but I don’t know if she would say they get along better than we do? Like, she’s closer with Oscar but we get along best, if that makes sense? I don’t think it does. I’m gonna say Oscar because I don’t want to be rejected, but I really hope I’m wrong and that she says me.” Liam rambled, finally deciding on Oscar, and when you were told to turn your board around, Liam’s heart sank a little. You had written Oscar, and as you began trying to defend yourself, Liam waved it off and laughed to hide the disappointment in his eyes, but you could see it clear as day. You tried to move on like he did, to keep playing the game like you didn’t hurt her best friend and crush.

You began trying to cheer the Kiwi up, dancing along to the songs playing, and occasionally belting out the chorus. He was laughing along, finally joining you to sing when you were screaming the lyrics to Promiscuous, dancing all around the garage and trying to pull him up around with you. While you were dancing with some of the employees off camera, being recorded for Instagram, Liam was still in frame of the main camera, a fond smile on his face, and anyone who had looked at him could see that he was completely and utterly whipped for you, but you were too caught up in Nelly Furtado to see it yourself.

It was your turn to answer questions now, passing Liam the whiteboard that had a little love note written on it.

I’m going to crush you.

You wrote, and Liam thought it was adorable how competitive you got in trivial games like this, but it always made him try even harder just to give you some semblance of a battle.

“Y/N! How old was Liam when he started karting?” The guy you had begun to think was not an actual Hitech employee asked. The three ages to choose from scribbled on the whiteboard. You studied them for a moment, and could see Liam in the corner of your eye writing out his own answer.

“He was seven, because I remember him telling me that there’s regulations in New Zealand that you can’t race go-karts competitively until you’re seven and then won the race.” You explained, remembering the story he had told you easily, it was one of your favourites, purely because of the joy on Liam’s face when he recounted it.

He turned the board around, showing the exact answer you had given, and he gave you a cheeky smile in response to your silent gloating about getting a point. There was nothing cuter in his eyes than you getting so worked up about a game.

“What is Liam’s pre-race superstition?” Before the board with the question and possible answers came up, your mouth blurted out the answer you already knew all too well.

“He gets in the car from the left.” You practically yelled, and Liam looked at you with wide eyes, not hearing your words but seeing the excitement at knowing the answer.

“How did you know that?” One of the Hitech PR asked as her main priority was to stir up more rumours about the two of you, as it was always good for the team’s press.

“Because I’m just as superstitious about getting in from the right side, so when he found out, he asked the team if we could switch around how our cars are placed in the garage so that we could meet in the middle, do our little ritual, and then get in the car from there.” You explained, watching as Liam wrote down his answer with no idea of the words you were saying.

When Liam turned the board around, he explained the exact same story you had, and you giggled when he finished, showing off a proud smile before putting the pieces together that you had already run the same spiel.

“It’s quite cute that the two of you explain things using basically the same words.” That same PR lady stated. And you almost rolled your eyes, almost. But you caught Liam blushing slightly, and a small, stupid part of you began jumping up and down, because not only did someone think your relationship with Liam was cute, but he blushed at that.

“It happens when you spend so much time with someone. I’ve started picking up Kiwi slang, and he’s learning some of my slang. You don’t realise it until you say something to someone when he’s not there and they’ve got no idea what I mean. It’s so normal for Liam to always be by my side, and me by his that when I’m with other people it feels weird.” You started on a ramble, something you were known for. And then just would… not… fucking… stop. The press officer looked satisfied, but as you had finally gotten your mouth to stop moving, you were scared to look over at Liam.

“Whenever she’s not within arm’s reach, I feel like I’m missing something.” Liam spoke quietly, and you gulped as you heard his words. The man was going to kill you, surely. This little production crew didn’t give a shit about your blossoming romance though, as they hurried you through to the next questions. You and Liam barely looked at eachother, your answers shorter and much more vague than they were before. You just wanted to get out of this chair and go freak out in an empty office somewhere.

“Well, the winner of this round is Liam, which means he has officially overtaken Y/N in the Hitech championship. How do you guys feel about this one?” The producers asked. You would usually have felt a bit of a blow to your chest finding out you had been beaten in two ways, but you truly couldn’t think of anything except your proximity to Liam.

“I think we found out a lot, and I’m glad to finally be ahead in the championship. I think it’s the only time I’ll ever be able to beat Mighty Mouse in anything.” Liam chuckled, reverting back to your ‘little sister’ nickname because he felt like the distance would help him process his emotions.

“Hey, you already beat me in height, age, and supercar experience, you gotta let me have something.” You whined, you looked over at Liam with a pout and puppy eyes, unintentionally making his heart pound out of his chest.

“Well you’re the cuter one of the team, and you’re a hell of a lot smarter than me, so I’d say you’re winning enough. Plus you’re higher up in the drivers standings than me.” Liam replied, leaning closer to stare into your eyes, barely two inches between your faces, you blinked slowly, afraid that any sudden movements would scare him away.

His large hand reached up, tucking a stray piece of hair behind your ear, then coming to rest at the side of your neck, his thumb resting on your jaw.

“I don’t think you realise what you do to me.” You mumbled, leaning forward very slightly to nudge your nose against Liam’s. His breath hitched, eyes boring into your soul in a way that made you freeze.

“It can’t be any worse than what you do to me. Looking as beautiful as you do, all I want to do is hold you, keep you close, show you off to the world, and I want to call you mine. I want to take you home and show you around my hometown, I want to introduce you to my parents, to take you to parties with my friends, I want to curl up in your apartment watching Harry Potter movies, and I want to dance around the kitchen with you at 2 in the morning making pancakes. I want to live my life with you.” Liam confessed, and for a few moments, you felt as though you couldn’t breathe.

You lurched forward, balling your fists up in that stupid blue sweater and pulling him closer. Liam’s eyes closed instinctively as your lips met, the coconut lip balm you applied before you came into the office was shared on your tongues, Liam’s exploring your mouth with vigor. You had never imagined him to be this passionate, this intense. But you had no complaints, his hands tugging you forward until you fell onto his lap, legs slotting in beside his own to straddle him on the wheely chair.

You broke away for a moment to catch your breath, eyes surveying every square inch of Liam’s face to commit it to memory. He truly was a gorgeous man, and you hoped you would get to see him like this many more times to come. He caught the look in your eyes and dove back into your lips, his teeth capturing your bottom lip in a bruising grip, a whimper escaping your lips before someone clearing their throat interrupted you.

“I guess we have everything we need for the video. Thanks you two.”

[smallestapplin]

Eyyyy what up its me, ya Melli simp, Avena. Would'st thou like Melli mirror fic part 2? It's poorly written and not smutty, possibly ooc-ish? Melli no good wiv words, poor baby. I honestly dont care if its bad cause I wrote something!! Its been 84 years.. or whatever the quote is, I hate the titanic movie. Tah-dah -♡

You had stayed speaking with Adaman long enough for the day to properly begin, the whole settlement was up and busy by the time you got your head around what you had done. The butterfrees in your stomach were only getting worse the more you thought about it.

You needed to make a plan. You also needed to pick some goddamn berries! With all that was happening you had been too distracted to do your one task. Twice! You should pick double the amount you need because you had to go see Melli again and that meant nervous Magikarp feeding. Honestly, you weren't sure why it helped your anxiety so much but from the day you first found them it had been your go to place to de-stress and think. The only downside was it was dangerously close to the Arena. Dangerously close to Melli and to the conversation you knew you needed to have.

Fuck emotional maturity! Why can't I ignore it all? I could run away to the fieldlands, there's Magikarp there and I'd sure as hell be warmer than the goddamn mountains.

Continuing to complain to no one but yourself, you collected all of the ripe berries you could find. By the time you got to the waterfall and the magikarp your arms were practically aching with the weight of the basket, setting it down on the wall of the bridge you leaned over so the fish pokemon would spot you and come and flock to you.  Plucking an oran berry from the basket, you roll it in your hands for a few seconds, lost in your thoughts, before finally remembering yourself and tossing it to a nearby fish.

You had been there for what must have been hours, you had already fed them the majority of your berries and given them all names. You were currently procrastinating by sitting at the waters edge and petting them, singing to them. Silly little made up songs about their cute whiskers and insatiable desire for berries turning slowly into singing your thoughts and love songs from your home time as you desperately tried to calm down your nerves enough to go and see Melli.

Sighing as you noticed it was just past mid-afternoon, you rose from where you were sat and bid your sweet, underwater friends goodbye, beginning your ascent to the Arena. If you left it any longer, Melli would find you on his way back to camp. The thought of him catching you singing about how you feel about him sounded way more embarassing than just apologising to him, as that's what you had decided to do. Apologise and admit nothing. You had already made things weird by proposing, you didn't need to add a stuttered confession to your list of fuck ups.

Inhaling deeply you came to the entrance of the arena, curiously he wasn't at his usual spot by the banners. Hoping the Lord Electrode was doing okay you crept forward into the arena, you felt nervous being this close to the Lord Pokémon without its warden, feeling almost like you were snooping in a place you shouldn't.

After a few steps you stop in your tracks and you hear Melli mumble rambling in the distance, followed by bored Voltorb sounds indicating this had been going on for a while.

"Oh Arceus, why do they have to be so pretty? And so kind to the dumb fish? I swear there shall not be a single berry left for my poor Pokémon between here and the Mirelands, all because they keep feeding those dumb Magikarp. And they were singing to them Today! Like they're little babies! Ridiculous!"

You settle on creeping closer to witness your crush's raving for yourself, despite already knowing his exact facial expressions from previous experiences. It was a harsh thought but maybe, if you could embarass him by catching him mid rant, maybe he wouldn't be so insufferable when you apologised? It was a flawed logic but you could hope at least.

Lost in your own musings, you compeltely overlook most of his words, his confessions to the Voltorbs about his crush on you flowed completely out of your head as he said them. Well almost all. His words hit you as soon as you saw him, sat on the floor with his arms folded, monologing to his audience.

"They were singing them love songs! They never sing me long songs!" Slumping his shoulders dramatically and letting his head fall into his hands he continued, unaware that he was being observed by you. "I just want them to sing love songs to me. Songs about me."

His sorrow, ignored by his crowd of tiny ball Pokémon in favour of soft buzzing to each other as they noticed you. Growing more excited by the second, mischeiviously hoping Melli would day something else incriminating. Gesturing to them as quietly as you could to calm down and stay quiet, you crept slightly closer, not paying as much attention as you should and stepling on a twig.

Melli's head whipped up and towards you  panic plastered on his face, as the sharp snapping sound reverberated around the arena. You winced at the noise knowing you had been caught and looked down at the ground, not daring to meet his gaze just yet.

"How much did you hear?" Melli squeaked, his voice now a whisper.

"Not a lot, truely, but I got the general idea." Removing your foot from the twig you kick it aside so you can delay looking at the man before you.

"And? Will you not apologise to me? For making me feel this way?" He began a tirade of false confidence as was his go to but you were suddenly so tired of hearing it, you had already grown so unacustomed to not being on the receiving end, you had lost your tolerance for it.

"Oh enough Melli" you snapped, harsher than you meant.

As silence fell over you both, each wrestling with your own anxieties, all you could hear was your heart pounding in your ears. Collapsing down so as to sit beside him, just slightly too close, you finally looked him in the eyes. They were watery with tears, scared of the rejection he was expecting to follow.

"I'm sorry, Mells. Adaman told me what making you that mirror meant to you and it was never my intention to make you uncomfortable. Well, truth me told I was trying to annoy you but still. I didn't know that it meant what it does." Your gaze falters and you look away, your thumb unconsciously rubbing the handle of your basket as you fidget nervously. You interupt slightly as you hear him inhale as if to start speaking. "You don't have to forgive me and you can reject my proposal, that's fine, but please, I want to still be friends, at least".

"At least?" Comes his reply, genuinely confused, not expecting you to confess feelings for him but praying to any god that was listening that you would.

Swallowing nervously, your voice cracks when you speak.

"I like you, Melli. And, I don't want to scare you and say that we should get married, but I would like to see if we could be more than friends. I've wanted to tell you for a while but never dared."

You fall silent, letting him process your words. It felt good to finally admit the thing that had been on your mind for months, but your chest felt like it was being crushed the more time passed without his reply. Focusing on your breathing you collect yourself, trying not to have a panic attack as you sit and wait for a response. Any response.

After what felt like hours, you couldn't bare it any longer and began to shift yourself away from the lavender haired man you loved. Attempting to rise from you seat of the ground before a hand caught your arm, tugging you back down.

"Look at me?" Melli's voice was softer than you had ever heard it and it made your heart ache to hear more.

Turning your face back to him you lifted your eyes to meet his, hearing his sharp inhale when your gazes finally lock onto each other. Before you knew what was happening his lips were on yours. His hands hovering over yours not daring to touch, it felt awkward but it was what you'd wanted for so long that you didn't care. His soft lips pressed firmly against yours, still with nerves as his eyes never left yours. Pulling back quickly as if realising what he'd done he turns his face away from you, a blush staining his entire face. You blinked a few times to re-centre your thoughts, finally remembering to breathe.

He'd kissed you.

You both sat there for long time in silence, though this time a comfortable one. Both of you settling down from your nerves, blushes receeding before getting bold enough to look at each other for a breif moment before your blushes began anew. The bizarre situation you found yourself in suddenly dawned on you and you couldn't stop the giggle that left you, pushing Melli to the side gently to get him to join you in laughter, and he did. It was like you had both finally remembered you were best friends, laughing at the blushes on each others faces, both teasing the other for admiting they caught feelings.

"Consider your proposal, undoubtably rejected." He laughed as he pushed you over softly, in retaliation for you pinching his still bright red cheeks.

"Fine, I'll have my mirror back then" Sticking your tongue out at him from your new home in the grass, smiling at him softly with a loving look as he turned away and loomed over his shoulder at you.

"Good luck with that! Adaman helped me fix it to the wall yesterday, well out of the reach of you little people" he flicks his hair over his shoulder to emphasise the little people comment and it makes you smile wide.

Pulling his tunic to get him to face you again, you stayed prone, the grass surprisingly comfortable.

"Well then I suppose you'll just have to pay more for it! But, I warn you my costs are steep." The teasing lilt to your voice and the fact you were still lying almost beneath him had him intrigued, a faint blush threatening to take over his features as he quirked an eyebrow at you.

"Mmhmm. It will cost you one whole kiss.  Right here." You confirm tapping your index finger to your cheek.

"Your prices are steep but I suppose I have no choice"

He re-positioned himself so as to hover above you, stradding your waist, chucklimg lightly as your face scrunched up reflexively has his hair fell in your face. Brushing his hair away from you, he trailed his knuckles against your face faintly before leaning down slowly to press a kiss to your cheek. You smirk, eyes full of devilment as he falls closer to you. Lips barely an inch from their destination you catch his face with your hand and guide him to meet your lips. Your eyes closed in bliss as you feel his lips move against yours, bodies pressed closer than would be decent if someone were to catch you. You swore you could stay like this forever, well, if it weren't for the chorus of overexcited Voltorb.

FUCK PLEASE JUST LET ME-

I CRAVE.

THANK YOU.

BUT PLEASE YOU’RE MAKING ME A LITTLE PARCHED.

[celestialrry]

I wish you would write a fic where...

the main character is the daughter of a really important producer harry is working with and he has a major crush on her but 1) he doesn’t want her dad to feel like he’s taking advantage of her 2) she has a rule of not dating musicians

too young

OOOOOOHHHHHH

HIIII GUYS..... i started school again and honestly for the longest time i've had no inspiration to write but then i got this ask!!! (thank you for your patience anon ily) and was like i love this prompt but then i wrote the first part and had no idea how to continue it,,, but I finally finished it!! ε(♡'-')з (this is me giving you all my love and affection for sticking with me) 

(NOT EDITED)

2k

warnings: alcohol consumption

Harry was in a dilemma.

Usually, he could sweep all his issues under the rug, save them for another day, but this one... he couldn't do that. Not because he didn't want to, but because this problem was more than just a dust bunny on his hardwood floor.

Y/N was the problem.

Or to be more precise, his feelings for Y/N were the problem.

Harry had confidence when it came to his crushes. He was smooth, flirty, and snagged almost every single person he's caught feelings for.

But not Y/N.

No, she was almost unreachable, for quite a few reasons.

One, the only reason he knew her, met her, was through a producer he had been working with the past few months. Arlo was massive in the industry and Harry was flattered when Arlo approached him with interest in collaborating. And only a month into working together, he met Y/N.

Harry's head snapped towards the door that had just burst open, a girl barging into the studio that he had never seen before. She was gorgeous, he had to admit, but he couldn't ignore her blatant disrespect for coming in and making a scene while he, Arlo, and a few of his bandmates were working annoyed him to no end.

"Dad! Oh my god, you will not believe what just happened, I was on my way over here and I fucking bumped into Zach," The girl began ranting, approaching Arlo and huffing as she stood next to Arlo's chair. "Of all fucking people I could see just walking down the street, it had to be him. The world is against me today I swear. Anyways, I brought that drum pad you wanted."

She dug into her big brown bag that was slung over her shoulder and pulled out the music board, placing it on the table in front of Arlo.

"Where'd you see him, Y/N? We're about to go on break and I can leave and go kick his ass in," Arlo checked his watch. "7 minutes."

Y/N, Harry now knew her as, sighed and crossed her arms. "He's long gone by now, think he shit his pants when he saw me walking near him."

"Atta girl, thanks for bringing my board too," Arlo smiled up at her from his chair. He then turned to see Harry, and Mitch staring at the two of them. "Oh sorry guys, this is my daughter, Y/N. Y/N, this is Harry and Mitch."

She turned to look at them and smiled wide. "Nice to meet you!"

"You too." They both said in unison, looking at each other with a smile, before focusing back on Y/N.

"We'll be done soon, if you wanna go out and get lunch." Arlo said, turning back to his daughter.

"Sounds good, just text me," Y/N replied, giving him a smile before turning back to the boys. "Nice meeting you guys, again."

And before they could even respond she was gone.

Two, Y/N was younger than him. 6 years younger to be exact. It didn't seem like much, but when put into perspective, she was 21, only just being legally allowed to drink in the States, and Harry was 27. Practically 30, if you ask him, and he was positive Arlo would have his head if he found out Harry liked his daughter. 

And three, she doesn't date the people her dad works with. 

He had found this out one night when he, Arlo, Y/N, Mitch, and a couple other writers were hanging out at the studio, drinking some wine (she had even exclaimed that this would be her first time drinking red, and Harry was yet again reminded of her age) and chatting after a long day of working. 

Harry and Mitch were laughing with Arlo about the first time they met Y/N, and her comments about this “Zach” guy. 

“He’s my ex, and had worked with my dad on one shitty song that never got far because he’s just so-- music is just not his thing, to put it nicely. But he was an absolute asshole and after him I made rule to never date anyone Dad works with. It would just go terribly.” She explained, letting Arlo take a few more jabs at the guy before stopping him.

So yeah, Harry was in a dilemma. 

In all the time he’d known Y/N, he just kept falling for her. She was kind, funny, beautiful, lit up any room she walked into, and treated Harry like fine porcelain. 

She was just fucking perfect. 

｡:°ஐ

Y/N had probably been in a lot of worse positions than the predicament she was in now.

For example, that time her dad walked in on her and her ex making out in the studio, or her 21st birthday when she got completely wasted and almost got into the wrong car instead of her uber, and the next day found out that the man driving that car was actually a convicted criminal.

So there’s worse things that could happen than her liking Harry.

But it doesn't mean it wasn’t bad.

The thing is, Y/N didn’t fall for anyone easily. Her one and only ex Zach treated her like a queen until he could officially claim her as his. The flowers he gave her before every date remained at the shop and the consistent compliments turned into insults and muttered claims of discontentment. 

Hence why he was her ex. It took Y/N quite a long time to work up the courage to end things with him. He was her first kiss, first time, and first boyfriend. She was yet to find her first love, she never really loved Zach. The way he used to treat her in the beginning, she thinks she loved, but him? No, she would never call him her first love. 

So when Y/N’s time crush on Harry began to develop into real feelings in such a short span of time, it terrified her. She had really never felt this way about someone before; butterflies would erupt in her stomach every time he shot her a smile and her mind would erupt into pure chaos when his body brushed up against her own. 

So yeah, it could be worse, but it certainly wasn't good.

｡:°ஐ

Y/N enjoyed spending time at the studio with her dad, and surprisingly, spending time with her dad’s “co-workers”. Even though she didn't usually hang out with the pop stars and spent time mostly with the backing band/producers (they were usually 50 year old men, but they were pretty nice) she enjoyed herself fully, having lunch breaks and talking about where their children when to school and whatnot. 

Sometimes though, every blue moon, Y/N would hang out with a super star her dad was working with. Usually when most stars are at the studio all they did was record, which was understandable, but she never had the chance to meet a lot of them.

With Harry though, everything was different. It wasn’t just lunches at the studio, or dinner at someone’s house, no, tonight they were going out to a bar. 

It was completely unexpected too, they had just wrapped up a song, and Harry, being in a particularly good mood had yelled out about going to a bar to celebrate. Of course, Y/N ignored his shout, knowing she wasn’t invited, and after Arlo had said something about “not being able to party as much as I used to”, she gave her dad a hug good night and waved a little goodbye to the band. 

“Wait!” Harry had exclaimed, chasing after her in the hallway. “Where are y’going?”

Y/N’s eyes widened and she looked behind her before looking back at Harry. “I was just gonna head back home.”

Harry’s head tilted, and looked at her questionably. “Y’not comin’ to the bar with us?” He practically pouted.

Her brows shot up in surprise. “Oh! I- yeah I’ll go out with you guys.”

Which lead her here, decently tipsy, and sitting in a booth between Harry and Sarah, laughing at a story Adam had been telling. Every now and then she would glance over to Harry just to find his gaze already on her.

Her heart fluttered every time, and if Harry’s cheeks weren’t already flushed from the alcohol, Y/N would have noticed him blush every time they locked eyes as well. 

“M’gonna get another drink, does anyone want anything?” Y/N piped up, a resounding chorus of “no, thank you’s” answering her question. Except for Harry who spoke softly, “A beer? Go ahead and put it on my tab.”

She shook her head at him as he stood up to let her out of the maroon leather booth. “Can’t make you pay for that, I offered.” She said, standing to lock eyes with him yet again. 

“Nope,” He grinned. “You can, and you will.”

“But-”

“No buts.” He chuckled, giving her a dimpled smile.

Accepting her defeat she nodded and squeezed his arm with a murmured “Thank you.” before making her way to the bar.

Harry sat back down again, eyes trailing her figure as she walked away before looking back at the table to be met with knowing eyes. 

“What is it?” He asked, glancing around at everyone.

“You’re whipped, mate.” Charlotte grinned, everyone else nodding in agreement.

“What?! I am not.” Harry pouted, eyes flicking over to Y/N, who was making her way to the table, one drink in each hand, before back to everyone else. 

“She’s really sweet H, you should go for it.” Mitch said.

Harry shook his head, eyes now on Mitch. “I’m not interested in her like that, she’s way too young for me, anyways.”

Just then did he hear the soft hit of his beer and her cosmo land on the table. His gaze trailed up her hands to see Y/N’s shattered face. “Here.” She practically whispered to him.

“I just remembered I have an early class tomorrow, so I should go, but thank you guys for inviting me out.” Y/N explained in lighting speed as she leaned over Harry to grab her purse and toss is over her shoulder. 

Words of confusion were tossed around the table but she was already booking it out of there, leaving Harry just as devastated as she was.

“I think she heard you, H.” Sarah said, frowning. 

Harry let out a muttered “Fuck!” before taking out large bills from his wallet and tossing it on the table. “For my tab, m’sorry, I gotta go.” And he left just as fast as Y/N did, weaving through the tables and people before bursting out the door to see her standing on the street, arm wrapped around her waist and another holding her phone.

“Y/N!”

Her head whipped around to see Harry bustling towards her and she quickly wiped her eye as he approached.

“Wait, don't go,” He said, struggling to find the words. “We all want you to stay, I want you to stay.”

“I have to get to class Harry, plus, I’m too young to be staying out this late anyways.” She grimaced at her own words. 

He sighed, eyes flickering from her own to her lips then back again. “I-fuck, you know I didn’t mean it like that.”

This time, she fully turned to face him, brows knitted in distress. “Then how did you mean it? Because honestly I don’t think there is another way to mean it.”

This was his only chance, Harry knew it. 

“I just, I tried for so long to tell myself it was wrong to feel this way about you because you’re so much younger than me, and m’pretty sure your father would have my head if he knew but m’fucking infatuated with you, Y/N. M’so sorry I said that earlier, age is my only excuse for not asking you out and it’s not a good enough excuse anymore.”

With this her mouth was gaped like a fish, and her face was akin to a deer caught in headlights. In a flash her arms were wrapped around his neck and he was holding her waist, reveling in her touch. 

“Oh, Harry,” She pulled away. “I really like you too.” And with that she pressed a swift kiss to his cheek, leaving him a blushing mess. 

“Good, thats... thats good.” He stammered.

“So,” she nudged his arm. “Y’gonna ask me out now?”

[hangovercurse]

The Things We Can’t Tell Pete About

Pete invites you to meet his friends from The Dirt and makes you promise not to flirt with any of them, which is a lot easier said than done, especially when Colson Baker acts like that.

Request: “Hey so I love all your writing and I just thought you should know that! But also I’d your requests are on still would you mind writing a youre Pete’s little sister but kells got a crush xx”

Colson x reader

Warnings: Drug use, Cursing

A/N: I know, Dom (Yungblud) wrote the song, but also I am the writer and I say that Y/N wrote it :) Anyways, enjoy. This is only part 1 of what is probably going to be a fun, cute lil series. Also thank you to the anon who sent this! You made my day(s)

Word Count: 2411

| ii | iii | iv | v |

masterlist

New York was lonely without your brother. He had been filming in New Orleans for the past three months, leaving you alone. You had some friends, but Pete was your best friend. You were only eight months younger than him and practically attached at the hip. You supposed going through trauma together would do that to people.

He facetimed you all the time from set, updating you on things in his life, showing you cool stuff from the set, and introducing you to his castmates. You had kept him updated on your music, playing him demos of songs you were writing and getting his opinion on them.

Him being away wasn’t the worst thing in the world, but it definitely sucked for you. So, when Pete texted you that he was having a few friends from the movie over the night he got back, you were ecstatic.

Before you left your apartment to walk to his, he texted you.

You’re not allowed to flirt with any of my friends

You rolled your eyes as you locked your door, preparing a response.

I’ll try my best

Your phone buzzed seconds later.

I’m serious. I don’t trust any of them with you.

And I don’t need that kind of awkwardness in my life

Like if you date one of my friends and it goes badly

I don’t wanna deal with that shit

You chuckled at his chain of texts.

Don’t flirt with your friends because they’re dicks, got it

Don’t worry bro, I know the sibling code

 You came to find out that that was a lot easier said than done. When you walked into his place, everyone in the room turned to look at you. You recognized most of them from your facetimes with Pete, but you doubted they remembered who you were. One who did remember you was Colson, Pete’s new best friend. He made eye contact with you from across the room, a sly grin on his lips. You sent him a small smile, Pete’s text running through your head briefly.

You found your brother lounging on the couch, a huge grin on his face. He was definitely tripping on mushrooms. “Y/N!” He yelled. “This is my baby sister, everyone.”

You rolled your eyes, walking further into the room, grabbing a drink from the cooler, and taking an empty seat on the opposite couch. “I’m less than a year younger than you, Pete.”

You heard a snicker from the one of the guys, looking over to see Colson covering up the smile on his face. “But you’re still younger than me so it counts.”

Everyone went back to their own conversations, which you were thankful for. “Y/N, you remember Colson, right?” Pete motioned to the blond guy.

“Yeah.” You nodded, looking him up and down. His muscle tank exposed the sleeves of tattoos, which seemed to cover every inch of his skin. “Your hair was different, but yeah I remember you.” You opened the beer on the coffee table, taking a swig.

“You’re the musician, right?” He asked you, leaning back onto the couch.

You nodded, “Aspiring musician but, yeah.”

“Oh, she’s great. You should hear her sometime.” Pete butted in, grinning like an idiot at you.

You rolled your eyes but had a smile on your face. “I work primarily as a songwriter and editor right now, but I’m trying to work on putting out some of my own stuff.”

You felt a little intimidated talking to Machine Gun Kelly about music, seeing as he was one of the best in the industry, but he seemed to be genuinely interested in your work. “Well, if you ever want some help or someone to listen to it, I’d be willing.” He flashed a smile, his bright blue eyes sparkling.

“Thanks, that’s really cool of you.” You bit your lip slightly, trying to hide the fact that you were totally breaking Pete’s rule.

Pete sent a glare your way to which you raised your eyebrow. You weren’t really flirting; you were just… making connections. “Anyways,” he cleared his throat, “I’ve been working on this sketch idea, Y/N, and I need your opinion.”

You nodded, letting him talk. “So, I was thinking like, there’s this guy with posters all over his wall. Like life size posters of a bunch of different people. And he falls asleep while doing homework and he dreams about them coming to life. And it plays out like one of those really bad commercials that encourage kids to stay in school and shit. Like the posters are telling him to study for his test, but then there’s this one poster that’s like, very sexy. And she’s just like, talking about hot dogs and everyone else gets really sick of it and one of the other posters tries to like, tear down her poster or something.”

Throughout his description, you got more and more confused. “Pete, that’s not funny that’s just fuckin weird.” His mouth hung open in shock. “Dude, seriously? The big punchline is the playboy poster girl talking about hot dogs until the other poster people get tired of it?”

“Yes.” Pete said, as if it were obvious. “That’s hilarious.” You glanced at Colson with a questioning look on your face. He seemed as unsure of the joke as you were.

“Pete, man, that’s not your best work.” Colson clapped him on the shoulder and you giggled at Pete’s disappointed expression.

“You guys are mean.” He pouted and you two laughed. “Ok, well, how would you make it funny?”

“I don’t know if you can, bro.” Colson’s laugh was contagious. When he laughed his whole body shook, his feet stomping and everything.

“What are the other posters?” You asked, trying to be supportive but knowing this wouldn’t turn out very good.

“Well, I was thinking maybe one is like a video game character. Like that lady from Wreck-It-Ralph. The mean one. And then like a snowboarder who is definitely high, and someone else, I dunno.” He shrugged, taking a hit from the joint in his hand and passing it to you.

“Okay…” You trailed off, looking at Colson for support. You brought the blunt to your lips, inhaling the smoke and bringing it down, letting the smoke leave your mouth slowly. You passed the joint to Colson, who gladly took it, a smirk on his face.

Pete looked between you two at the small interaction, a frown. “So, the posters,” he brought your attention away from the man again, “they’re all really serious about teaching this dude math. But the hotdog girl just keeps talking about hot dogs in like this really high-pitched voice.”

You watched the smoke fall from Colson’s lips, not fully paying attention to your brother.

“Yeah man, I think that sounds funny.” Colson told Pete, his eyes lingering on you for a little longer than they should have. “It could use some work but if anyone can make it funny, it’s you.” Colson punched your brother on the shoulder, but the look he sent you said the exact opposite.

You held in your giggle, taking another sip of your beer.

The rest of the night followed a similar pattern, you and Colson flirting and Pete trying to get in between you two. At one point, after a few more hits of weed and a couple more drinks, Colson brought out a guitar, insisting you play something for him. Where he got the guitar from, you had no idea, but you didn’t ask questions. Instead, you rolled your eyes, insisting that “if I have to play something, so do you.”

Everyone was too caught up in their own conversations to care about the noise, or too drunk. You started strumming, trying to remember the chords to a song you had started writing a few days ago. “There’s no lyrics yet, just a melody I came up with.” You blushed, feeling very self-conscious suddenly.

“Guess I’ll just free style to it then.” He chuckled as you started to strum, your fingers working the strings like they had your whole life.

The blond man closed his eyes, head nodding as you played and thinking of what to rap.

“Watch me, take a good thing and fuck it all up in one night. Catch me, I’m the one on the run away from the headlights.

No sleep, up all week wastin time with people I don’t like. I think, somethin’s fuckin wrong with me.

You smiled as he sang, watching his expressions change as he tried to think up the next line.

Drown myself in alcohol, that shit never helps at all

I might say some stupid things tonight when you pick up this call

I be hearin silence on the other side for way to long, I can taste it on my tongue, I can tell that somethin’s wrong.”

He opened his eyes, looking rather proud of himself. “I had some of those lyrics already, but I just changed ‘em a little. I really liked that.”

You nodded, “That was impressive.” You smiled, looking back down to the guitar when something hit you.

You began to play the same melody but pitched higher to fit your voice.

“Roll me up, and smoke me love

And we could fly into the night

You take drugs, to let go, and figure it all out on your own

Take drugs, on gravestones, to figure it all out on your own.”

You looked up to Colson, watching his expression change, his eyes wide. Pete had a proud look on his face.

“Pete, you are a sucky hype man. You did her no justice.” Colson hit Pete on the arm.

“Whaddya mean, I told you she was great.”

Colson looked over to you, a stupid smile on his face. “Seriously, that was fucking amazing. Like, we gotta write that shit out some day.”

You bit your lip, trying to stop the blush from reaching your cheeks. “Yeah, that’d be cool.” You were trying your best to keep your cool as Colson kept his gaze on you, but you were completely freaking out on the inside.

A little while later, almost everyone was gone except you, Pete, Colson, and Douglas Booth, who joined your conversation not long after your jam session. Pete let out a yawn, directing your attention to the time.

“Jesus, it’s already 4am?” You asked, a frown on your face.

“Why, you got somewhere to be, darling?” Douglas asked you, your face scrunching up from the nickname.

“I have a writing session at 11 am tomorrow. Or, today, I guess.”

Pete reached out to hit you in the head, playfully, which you dodged. “Go to bed, dummy.”

You shrugged, “I’m gonna be dead at it anyways, might as well keep the party going a little longer.”

Douglas rolled his eyes, patting your shoulder. “Be that as it may, I am ending this party and going home. Goodnight, guys. It was nice meeting you again, Y/N. Good to see you guys.” Douglas and the guys did that little hand slap and hug thing before he left.

“I love you both, but I will also be going to sleep. And you should too.” Pete stood up, stretching his arms out before giving Colson a fist bump and leaving to his bedroom.

Once your older brother left, Colson moved to the couch you were on, his arm falling over your shoulders. You looked up at him, raising an eyebrow. “And how can I help you Mr. Kelly?”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “I’m assuming Pete gave us both very similar talking to’s, given the glares you’ve been receiving all night.”

“You mean the “don’t flirt with my friends” talking to or the other one?” You tilted your head, a sly look on your face.

“That’s the one.” Colson laughed through his nose, an adorable smile on his face. You were both considerably high, but you still knew exactly what you were doing.

You moved closer to Colson’s body, “Well then I guess we’d better not do this.” You said quietly, leaning into him. “Or this,” You grabbed his jaw, inches from his face.

“Or this?” He whispered, connecting your lips. You smiled into the kiss, tasting the weed on his tongue. You adjusted your body so you were facing him, his arm that was once around your shoulder now wrapped around your waist.

His other hand grabbed your leg, pulling you up so you were straddling his lap, and your arms wrapped around his neck. His lips seemed to fit perfectly around yours, and you did all you could to keep yourself from moaning into the kiss as his hand began to travel up your leg.

Realization hit you like a brick wall, and you pulled away, your breathing heavy. “Sorry,” you muttered after a few seconds. You climbed off his lap, smoothing out your shirt. “We shouldn’t do that. I shouldn’t have done that.” You smiled awkwardly down at him.

He nodded, the same realization hitting him. “Yeah, that’s not the best idea. Sorry I wasn’t really thinking.”

You shook your head, cheeks still very red. “No, no, no don’t apologize. It was fine, it’s all fine.”

He nodded, looking down awkwardly. “I should get going.” He stood up, landing a little too close to you.

“Why don’t you just sleep here? Pete won’t mind and it’s a lot easier than going home.” You bit your lip awkwardly, taking a few steps back.

Colson scratched the back of his neck. This was a very different demeanor than he had before, and you found it very cute. “Are you sure?”

You nod. “I’ll get you some blankets and pillows.” You moved towards the guest bedroom, a guilty smile on your face. You moved your hand to your lips, feeling where Colson’s lips had graced you minutes before.

You came back to find Colson laying on the couch, one hand behind his head. “We don’t have to tell Pete about that, right?”

You shook your head, a small smile still playing on your lips. You put the pillow behind his head, watching his eyes as he watched your lips. “Stop looking at me like that or I’ll do something else we can’t tell Pete about.” You said quietly, watching him grin. You pulled the blanket over him, leaning down to be level with his face.

“I kind of like the things we can’t tell Pete about.” Colson chuckled, leaning forward to connect your lips again.

[viastro]

third of december | joshua hong

ミ★ synopsis: i still remember, third of december. me in your sweater, you said it looked better on me than it did you. OR: in which joshua gives you his sweater on the first snowfall of the year.

ミ★ genre: slice of life!au, uni!au, fluff, some humor

ミ★ warnings: none

ミ★ word count: 2,922

ミ★ pairings: joshua hong x gender neutral reader

ミ★ notes: hi guys! in honor of it being the third of december, i decided to write this oneshot based off of that line in conan gray’s song - heather. i made this a joshua oneshot because i felt bad... for the wonwoo one... so this hopefully makes up for it :D i also love joshua’s platinum hair. i love him. i hope he’s doing well. as always, make sure to give joshua lots of love! i hope you guys like this one even tho it’s kinda short and i just wrote this in the span of an hour !

It’s cold, you think to yourself as you walk to the next building that holds your class on campus. Rubbing the goosebumps raising on your arms, you glance around at your surroundings as music floods through your Airpods. You let out a sigh to see if you can see your breath, and you purse your lips when it condensates before your eyes. 

I should’ve brought an extra jacket, you curse quietly, only to stop when you hear a beautiful laugh resonate through the small crowd of people heading to their next class. Your head perks up, and you look across campus to see a bright head of platinum hair walking in your direction as he talks to his friend. Your heart twirls in your chest when he turns his head, and you find that his beautiful laugh matches his gorgeous facial features. 

Immediately you look down at the ground and try to walk faster towards your class, feeling awkward as you were basically just gawking at his beauty. Your face feels warm, but your hands are cold as you walk in the mid-November weather. 

You hear his voice as he gets closer, but you continue to stare down at the cobblestone as you walk. You find that his voice is incredibly pleasant as well, and you wonder how a human being can be so beautiful, causing the thoughts of the coldness of your hands to come to a halt. 

“Are you sure you wanna work on the melody? I can work on it if you want.” Joshua offers as the two head towards the direction of the cafe. Jeonghan rolls his eyes, having heard this five times in the span of the two hour lecture they just got out of. 

“Joshua, I already told you that if you really wanna make the melody then you can do it. I don’t mind writing lyrics.” Jeonghan replies with a grin, and Joshua lets out an apologetic smile. “Sorry Hannie, I just hate writing lyrics.” 

“I know Joshua, but sometimes you need to practice...” Joshua tunes out the rest of Jeonghan’s lecture when he turns his head to look forward, only to pause when he lays eyes on you. Time comes to a slow when he sees you glance up from the ground for a moment, and his heart fills with warmth even in this cold November weather. 

He stops and turns his head in your direction when you walk past him, watching as you shrink within the crowd as you most likely head to your next class. Jeonghan chuckles when he follows Joshua’s line of sight, knowing that his best friend has just developed a crush. With this newfound knowledge, he nudges Joshua’s shoulder, causing the blonde to snap out of his trance. 

“You good?” 

“Do you know who they are?” Joshua asks in a quiet voice, and Jeonghan turns his head, seeing that you’re no longer in sight. He shrugs, “I’ve never spoken to them.” 

Joshua nods his head, looking obviously disappointed as they turn back towards the direction of the cafe. Jeonghan chuckles, patting Joshua’s shoulder after a moment of his friend staying quiet. Joshua glances at the brunette, and he watches as a grin etches itself onto his face. “Since they were heading in that direction today, it’s most likely that our paths will cross with theirs on Thursdays. You’ll see them next week.” 

Joshua lets out a smile after a moment, and nods his head, now feeling excited to see you in a week. Jeonghan rolls his eyes, wrapping his arm around Joshua’s shoulders as they get closer to the cafe. 

“You fall in love easily.” Jeonghan tells him, and Joshua purses his lips. He glances up at the cloudy sky, remembering the way your eyes sparkled when you briefly glanced up from the ground. And so he smiles and responds in a soft voice,

“They were pretty.” 

I brought an extra jacket, but I forgot gloves. Fucking gloves, you think as you walk across campus once again. You let out a sigh, watching as your breath condensates before your very eyes once again. Beginning to curse to yourself for forgetting the gloves on your table, you pick up the pace so that you can make it to the warmth of your building quicker. 

That plan comes to an immediate stop when you hear his voice, and you find yourself walking slower to be able to cherish the sound. Glancing up in the direction of his voice, you see him listening attentively as  his friend animatedly speaks to him. You let out a small smile, thinking that he’s rather cute when he smiles. 

You suck in a breath when he turns his head and locks eyes with you when your paths are about to cross. You want nothing more than to look away and act as if he didn’t catch you staring fondly at him, but his catlike eyes have you intrigued. He finally lets out a smile and stops walking when the two of you are right beside each other, and he turns towards you. 

You find yourself doing the same thing, internally screaming to yourself as you wonder how you were able to muster the courage to not run away when he turned to you. The blonde extends his hand in your direction, “Hi, I’m Joshua Hong.” 

Biting the inside of your cheek, you reach out and softly grasp his warm hand with your cold one, giving it a slight shake. “Hi, I’m yln yn.” 

Joshua’s eyebrows furrow slightly when you let go, and he reaches into his jacket pockets. You move to apologize for how cold your hand was, only to stop when he holds out a pair of purple gloves for you. Glancing up at his face, you catch the redness to his nose as he mutters, “It’s cold, make sure to wear these.” 

You let out a small smile, “Are you sure? These are yours, and you barely know me.” You tell him softly, and Joshua chuckles, nodding his head in reassurance. He pushes them in your direction again, and you shyly take them from his grasp. “Thank you.” 

You slide them on, letting out a happy sigh when you feel the warmth of the gloves on your fingers. Joshua smiles, “Want me to walk you to class?” 

“I thought we were gonna go to the caf-” Joshua quickly elbows Jeonghan in the stomach, making the latter double over in pain from the impact. The brunette quietly curses Joshua and his powerful elbows, wondering why the fuck his elbow felt so sharp. 

Your eyes widen slightly in concern at Joshua’s friend, and the blonde waves his hand at you with a grin, obviously one that’s trying to hold back a laugh. “He’s fine.”

“I’m dying.” 

“You’re fine.” 

“Fuck you.” 

Joshua flashes you a smile after patting Jeonghan on the back, and you end up giggling at the whole interaction. You shake your head ‘no’ at his offer, “It’s okay. It’s all the way across campus, and you already gave me these gloves. You’ve done more than enough.” 

Joshua’s heart falls slightly, but he nods his head, respecting your decision. He prepares to say bye, only to stop when you say, “We can hangout some other time, though.” 

He nods his head immediately in agreement, and you giggle at the sight of it. So you nod your head back at him, before waving your hand, “See you later Joshua, make sure to be nice to your friend.” 

Joshua chuckles as he waves back at you, watching as you begin to walk away “I’m always nice.”

“Say that to my two broken ribs.” Jeonghan wheezes from behind you, and you let out a bright smile when you hear the pair begin to squabble. 

You walk towards your class with a happy heart, and warm hands. 

“Did you hear that it’s gonna snow tomorrow?” You glance over towards the blonde, finding him playing with your switch on the floor of your apartment as you do homework on the couch. 

“December 3rd? That’s kinda early in the month.” You tell Joshua right as he lets out a groan for losing in smash bros. You watch as the pretty man shrugs his shoulders, preparing to restart the round, “Can’t believe you’re more concerned that it’s early rather than the fact that we still have to go to classes.” 

“That’s cause I work better when I’m actually in the classroom rather than online classes.” You say, rolling your eyes when Joshua waves his hand away at you. 

“Didn’t a girl slip and fall on the icy ground last year?” Joshua nods aimlessly in response before telling you that she’s still in talks of suing the university. Pursing your lips and nodding your head in agreement for wanting to sue the school, you glance back towards your textbook. 

You and Joshua did end up hanging out some other time. Almost everyday after classes to be exact. Usually it’s you, Jeonghan, and Joshua, but Jeonghan had an evening class to go to today. You weren’t originally going to hangout with Joshua, but he invited himself to your apartment to be able to play with your switch since Jeonghan broke his. 

Jeonghan is still repenting. 

You’ve discovered that not only is Joshua incredibly pretty and has a nice voice, but his personality is beautiful as well. Over the last couple weeks, your crush on him has only developed even further with the time you’ve spent with him. 

The same goes for Joshua, who has found himself thinking of you more often than not. From the fact that your eyes sparkle when you smile at him, to the way you practically inhale two cups of ramen in a span of fifteen minutes. He’s absolutely amazed by you. 

“You wanna order food?” You ask after a few minutes of silence between you, except for the diverse amount of sound effects coming from your TV. Joshua pauses the game and turns towards you with a knowing smile, causing you to let out a laugh. 

“Did you even have to ask?” Joshua responds, and you roll your eyes. 

“Thai food?” He nods his head in agreement, and the two of you settle on what dishes you both want, as well as what you’ll save for Jeonghan. Once that’s figured out, you place the order and receive the wait time of 30-45 minutes. 

“Does this mean you’re gonna take a break from your homework?” Joshua asks after that’s done, and you purse your lips in thought, before nodding your head. 

“I’ll beat your ass in super smash bros.” You tease, and the blonde rolls his eyes fondly at you as you settle down onto the floor beside him. He hands you your other controller, and the two of you begin a competitive round of smash bros. 

During the middle of the round, Joshua sneaks glances at you, watching as you laugh when you accidentally make your character fall off the platform. His eyes sparkle at the way your face brightens when you fight his character, to the pout of your lips as you begin to concentrate. 

Feeling Joshua’s eyes on you for the sixth time, you pause the game and turn to face him with a teasing smile. “Do you think I’m pretty? You keep-” 

You freeze at the close proximity between your faces, and you watch as Joshua’s eyes widen slightly. The two of you stare into each other's eyes for a moment, searching for an answer. To what question? At this moment, you can only think of one. 

are we about to kiss?

Your answer comes to you when his eyes trail down to your lips. Your eyes slowly flutter shut when he leans in slightly, and Joshua ingrains the visual in his mind, finding you the most beautiful thing he’s ever laid eyes on as he slowly leans in. 

bzzz 

The two of you jump apart at the sound of your apartment buzzer, and you quickly reach for your phone, seeing that the food is here. Joshua quickly scrambles up off the floor and walks over to your door without another word, and you rest a hand over your heart, feeling it violently pound against your chest. 

While Joshua’s cheeks are tinged a pretty shade of pink as he grabs the takeout food, wondering if the two of you would’ve actually kissed if you weren’t interrupted by the Thai food. However, it seems that his question won’t be answered as he walks back into your living room with a small smile. 

“Let’s eat.” 

Joshua literally told me it was going to snow and I decided to wear a t-shirt and a jacket? Am I stupid? You begin to genuinely question whether or not you have any brain cells as you walk across campus. The snow begins to fall around you as you head to class, and you quietly curse yourself for being so distracted in the morning to have forgotten the weather. 

The almost kiss keeps replaying in your head. From the moment Jeonghan came to your apartment after class and began to eat with you guys, to the time he and Joshua left to head back to their apartment. This was all you thought about even until this morning, and it’s all you’re thinking about now.

stupid! stupid! stupid! 

Your head perks up when you hear Joshua and Jeonghan laughing, and you find the two dressed warmly as they walk in your direction. Your heart thumps against your chest when Joshua glances up and locks eyes with you, only to internally panic when he immediately frowns. 

oh god, he hates me.

“Yn, I told you it was snowing today. Where’s your sweater?” Joshua asks when him and Jeonghan get closer to you. You bite the inside of your cheek, trying to come up with an answer that doesn’t sound like,

oh, you know Joshua. I was too busy being distracted by the fact that you almost kissed me last night, that i forgot to dress like a human being that DOESN’T wanna get hypothermia. haha. hahahaha. hahahahahahahahaha. Pain. 

“I forgot.” You mutter, feeling embarrassed about your stupidity. Jeonghan snickers at you, thinking the whole ordeal is rather hilarious, and you shoot him a death glare, to which he immediately stops chuckling. 

You turn back towards Joshua when you see him zipping open his backpack, and your eyes widen slightly when he pulls out an extra sweater from his bag. Jeonghan grins to himself, watching as Joshua holds it out in your direction.

“What?” You ask, and Jeonghan lets out a quiet sigh of disappointment at your lack of understanding context clues when it comes to real life scenarios. Joshua shakes the sweater, “Put this on. That jacket won’t help much, you need layers.” 

You bite the inside of your cheek, before handing Jeonghan your bag, and Joshua your jacket. You slip on the sweater over your head, and feel your face fill with warmth when you realize how much larger it is on you rather than Joshua. 

Joshua’s cheeks turn pink at the sight of you wearing his sweater, and he immediately hands you your jacket. You take it from his grasp and slip it on, before taking back your backpack from Jeonghan. You gesture to yourself, “So, what do we think?” 

“Looks better on Joshua-” Jeonghan immediately gets elbowed in the stomach, causing him to double over. Joshua gives you a shy smile, and you bite back a laugh. 

“You look pretty.” Joshua tells you softly, taking note of the way the snowflakes rest on your head, and the held back laughter goes away as you feel yourself growing more shy at the fondness in his voice. You look down at the ground, coughing into your shoulder as you prepare to leave to head towards your building once again.

“Thank you for the sweater, Joshua. I’ll see you and Jeonghan after class.” You tell him, and you wave at the doubled over Jeonghan, before turning to go to class. You pause when you feel a hand softly grasp your wrist, and you turn around to see Joshua right behind you. Raising an eyebrow you ask, “What?” 

Joshua doesn’t respond, instead biting the inside of his cheek nervously as he stares at you. You move to ask what’s wrong, only to be stopped when he leans in and presses a quick kiss to your lips. “I’ll see you later, yn.”

And with that, Joshua immediately turns around and walks away, ignoring Jeonghan’s teasing from behind him as he follows after the blonde. Warmth floods your senses, and you slowly raise a hand up to your lips, smile slowly breaking itself out onto your face as you watch the blonde disappear. 

You feel warm. 

“You brought that sweater just for yn, didn’t you?” Jeonghan teases as the two walk towards the cafeteria, and Joshua nods his head. 

“I knew they’d forget to dress warmly even though I told them it was gonna snow.” Joshua responds, smiling softly at the way the bright orange complimented your skin beautifully. It was a nice contrast to the white snow surrounding you as it fell from the sky. 

“You just wanted to see them in your clothes.” Jeonghan says with a chuckle, wrapping his arm around Joshua’s shoulders as they push through the doors, feeling warmth flood their bodies. Joshua nods his head, not even denying it as he smiles to himself. 

“They look better in it than I do.”

[storiesforallfandoms]

like i’m gonna lose you ~ machine gun kelly

part one

word count: 2276

request?: kind of?

description: after a painful reconnection, he decides to prove to her that he will do anything to get her back

pairing: machine gun kelly x female!reader

warnings: swearing

based (partially) on this song

masterlist

As he promised, the news of Colson and Megan’s “breakup” came a few days after our discussion. The news broke first on an few online tabloids, then Colson took to his social media to “confirm the rumors”.

“We’re just not right for one another,” he wrote in his post. “I still love Megan as a friend, and we’re going to stay in each other’s life. We both want our privacy during this time.”

Strangely enough, the conversation we had plus the actual confirmation that the fake relationship was over gave me a better sense of closure than our actual breakup had. I knew why Colson had ended things, and I knew that what he had with Megan wasn’t real and that it was over for good now. It was better than thinking he had suddenly stopped loving me after all those years.

Even with that closure, though, I stayed true to my word. Colson unblocked me and re-followed me on all his social media, and let me know he had unblocked my number from his phone by sending me a text. But I wouldn’t budge on trying to get back together with him. With the closure I had, I was starting to feel like I could move on from our breakup and be somewhat happy again.

It was hard to completely move on, though, when Colson was still trying to reach out to me constantly. He respected my boundaries and would stop whenever I asked him to, but it also didn’t take too long before he would message me again. Part of me wanted to block him back - it would’ve been beyond satisfying to reverse the roles on him and leave him blocked and heartbroken without explanation. But I was also enjoying getting to talk to him again, even if I knew it would lead to more heartbreak eventually.

The day I arrived home from work to find him sat on my doorstep, I felt something snap inside of me. The built up anger and sadness from the past year was finally bubbling over, and I had the exact person who had caused it all sat on my doorstep.

I got out of my car and slammed the door so hard I was shocked the windows didn’t shatter. “Colson, you can’t just fucking show up on my doorstep unannounced. This is borderline stalking now.”

“I want to talk like adults but you just keep brushing me off,” he retorted. “What else am I supposed to do?”

“Respect my fucking boundaries maybe? Realize that if I’m telling you that I don’t want to talk to you or see you that I actually fucking mean it?”

He stood from the doorstep and shoved his hands in his pocket. “I know that you mean it.”

I glared at him as I tried to shove past him to get through my door. He moved to stand in my way again, which just made me feel even more angry.

“If you know that I mean it,” I hissed, “then leave me the fuck alone Colson. You’ve hurt me enough, I don’t want to see you anymore.”

“I know I hurt you,” he said. “And I know that there’s nothing I can do to fix that, but please, let me try at least.”

“You did try, and I turned you down, remember? Now fuck off.”

I managed to push him out of my way in order to get into the house. He stood on my doorstep watching me for some time, and I knew that meant he wasn’t going away. No matter how hard I wanted to let him go, I knew my heart wasn’t going to let me. I sighed heavily and turned to face him.

“This is your last chance,” I told him. “You can come in and we can talk like adults, but just know that whatever decision I make after this is my final decision. No more of this harassing me and showing up on my doorstep. If I tell you to leave and you show up again I will call the cops on you, and I have a feeling that’s the last thing your manager wants.”

Colson nodded and followed me into my house.

I watched as he looked around, taking in the familiar place that he once called a second home. Very little had changed since we broke up, except for the fact that I got rid of all the pictures I had of the two of us. I was sure he had noticed that.

“Your place was always so much cozier than mine,” he commented.

“It’s cause it’s smaller,” I told him. “Your place is good for all the people you have over, but when it’s just you and Casie it’s far too big.”

“It is,” he agreed. “I would prefer to live in a place like this.”

“You could’ve,” I found myself muttering. Unfortunately, I said it a little too loud and Colson caught the comment. His face changed then, a sad wave washing over him.

“I should’ve,” he said. “God, I’m a fucking idiot.”

“We’ve been over that.”

He followed me to the kitchen and sat down at my table. Despite it only being early evening, I decided this moment called for a glass of wine. I poured myself one, and decided to mix Colson a drink with the liquor I knew he liked most.

“Saying I didn’t mean to hurt you is the stupidest thing ever,” he said after taking a giant gulp from the glass. “Of course I was going to hurt you. I broke up with you out of nowhere and then just ghosted you for a year. I guess...I thought that would be easier. I didn’t want you to think I didn’t love you enough to fight for you over my career.”

“I’m glad you realize how shitty and stupid that idea you had was. I wish you would’ve told me from the start what the plan was. I wouldn’t have been as hurt if you had.”

“I know...I know.”

I took a sip of my wine and immediately wished it was something stronger, something that would get me fucked up within minutes of drinking it.

I was mentally kicking myself for letting him back in again. That time at the coffee shop hurt enough and that was an accidental encounter we had. But to actually bring him into my home when I was finally starting to move on? I must really like to be hurt, because it seemed as though I was constantly trying to hurt myself lately.

“What would you have said if I had told you?” he asked. “Truthfully.”

I took a moment to think the situation over, to try and decide how I would’ve reacted if he had told me from the beginning instead of just breaking my heart.

“I still would’ve been hurt,” I admitted. “Not by you but by your manager. He knew about us, and even though we never went public with the relationship, my friends and family know. It wouldn’t exactly have been as easy to explain the whole publicity stunt relationship thing to any of them. I’d probably try to come up with a better solution, and if that didn’t work then...I’d just have to accept it.”

“Would you have stayed with me?”

I was shocked by his question. “Of course I would’ve. Everything between you and Megan was fake, there were no real feelings. Sure, seeing the pictures and everything would’ve hurt, but at the end of the day it would be me you were holding and kissing and actually loving. I probably could’ve been friends with Megan instead of hating her guts.”

Colson looked down at his glass, which was now almost empty. “I thought you would’ve broken up with me if I told you the truth.”

“You don’t know me that well, obviously,” I said. “Colson, there were ways around this. You didn’t have to break my heart.”

I could see that his eyes were starting to become more wet with tears. He was trying to hide them, but once his eyes starting welling up, his nose and his cheeks became flush and I could see his Adam’s apple bobbing as he tried to swallow his tears.

“I fucking hate him, man,” he finally said, his voice cracking slightly. “He’s supposed to help me with my career, not put my career first over my own life and my happiness. And I hate myself too for thinking the best way to deal with this was to break up with you completely.”

I sat back in my chair, unsure of what to do. I wanted to comfort him, of course, but I didn’t want him to think that crying was going to get him off the hook. I was glad he was feeling my pain, but fuck did I ever hate to see Colson cry.

“I hated you, too,” I admitted. “I slandered your name to anyone who would listen. Eventually my friends got sick of hearing the name Colson Baker come out of my mouth, but they all knew how hurt I was.”

“Do you still hate me?”

I shook my head. “No. I never truly hated you. I just wanted to hate you, because hating you was easier than still being in love with you and watching you fall in love with someone else.”

He started to reach for my hands, but pulled away just as quickly. He sat back in his own chair, putting as much space between the two of us as possible. “There could never be anyone else. You’re my one and only, (Y/N), you always have been.”

I let the silence wash over the two of us. I wanted to let his words hang over us, to try and digest them and decide how I felt in that moment.

“I had a dream while you were on tour,” I said after a moment. “Well, a nightmare really. We had fallen asleep watching TV on the couch, and when I woke up I couldn’t find you. You weren’t in the house, you weren’t answering your phone, none of your friends or Casie knew where you were. I began to panic. I went driving and drove the entirety of Cleveland looking for you, but I couldn’t find you. Around the end of the dream, I was screaming your name and I could hear you calling back to me, but the more I ran to find you the further away you got. I eventually woke up drenched in sweat and crying because I thought it was real.”

“That was the night you called me,” he said. “I remember I was having a bad night mentally and all I wanted was to have you on the tour bus with me, in my arms. Then you called, and I thought it was like...a sign or something. Something good.”

I couldn’t help but smile at this. “I never told you because I thought it was a stupid nightmare, and I didn’t wanna be one of those girlfriends that calls in need of constant reassurance about their relationship.”

“I would’ve reassured you no matter how many times you called me.”

I looked down at my own glass, nearly empty as well.

“Can we ever go back from this?” Colson asked. “Can we try to start over after what happened?”

“How do you start over after spending five years with someone?” I asked. “We were basically married, how do you just go back to square one after that?”

“Well...you try and gain that trust back, then you try and get things back to how they were before,” he explained. “I don’t expect it to happen overnight, but I can’t be without you anymore (Y/N). It’s driving me crazy, you drive me crazy.”

I felt tears stinging my eyes, and I realized in that moment that Colson was now freely crying in front of me. God, we were both just messes. I wished none of this had ever happened.

“You really hurt me,” I said, my voice just barley a whisper.

“I know,” he said. “I know I did. I don’t expect you to ever forget that. I don’t deserve to be forgiven, I know that.”

“I’ll never forget it,” I confirmed. “But knowing the reasoning makes it easier to forgive.”

When he reached for my hand this time, I met him halfway.

“It won’t be easy,” I told him. “You know that, right? I’m not going to come running into your arms again after a few nights. You have to work for this, Colson.”

“I know,” he repeated. “I’ll do anything, (Y/N).”

Despite my better judgement, I sat forward and looked into his eyes. God, I loved those beautiful blue eyes more than anything in this world.

“You can start by kissing me.”

He nearly jumped over the table at this. He took my face in his hands and pressed my lips against his. I had missed this feeling so much; the pure passion that came with every kiss. I put a hand behind his neck to keep him close. I never wanted to let go ever again.

He pulled away first and rested his forehead against mine. “I’m so sorry, (Y/N).”

“I don’t want to hear those words out of your mouth ever again,” I told him. “We’re forgetting this, remember?”

He smiled. “Okay, then how about these words: I love you.”

I couldn’t help but smile back. The magic words I had longed to hear for so long, they sounded so right coming from his lips. “I love you, too.”

[doubleleoenergy]

The Chain

Listen to the wind blow, down comes the night. Running in the shadows, damn your love, damn your lies.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, passionate sex, LOTS of angst

Word Count: 2414

Author’s Notes: I wrote this for @buckyblues/@edenslibrary 4K Writing Challenge. The prompt I chose was the song The Chain by Fleetwood Mac, I absolutely LOVE Fleetwood Mac so this was a no brainer choice. I hope you all like it!

“Are you SCARED?” It’s a relatively normal question to ask after the events that have occurred over the past few days. They’d won, they’d really WON against Thanos, all forces joined together to retrieve the stones and make everything RIGHT. Of course, they hadn’t expected the victory to come at the expense of Tony Stark. He was a friend to them, a husband to Pepper and a father to Morgan. Tony was part of the many losses they’d endured from the moment Thanos snapped his fingers, and frankly, Steve was tired.

Tony’s funeral was set for the next morning followed by his MISSION to return all of the stones and Mjølnir to their EXACT spots in time. Steve was the first to offer up his services to return them, they’d already all lost so much and it just felt appropriate for him to bring them back. If anything went wrong, it was on him. And that was fine, he would lay down his life for the cause, just like Vision, Natasha, and Tony had done.

Steve was pulled from his thoughts by the delicate fingers wrapping around his chest from behind, the smell of her vanilla lavender perfume wafting through his nostrils. “Hm?” He asked, head turning over his shoulder to look at y/n.

“I said, are you scared? You know, for returning the stones.” Her voice was soft as she spoke, chewing nervously on her bottom lip. Y/N HERSELF was nervous, but they were one mission away from the conclusion of the nightmare they’d been living over the past FIVE years. Although there’d be more missions to come, as always, she was looking forward to enjoying at least a few days of alone time relaxing with Steve.

Her question makes Steve shake his head, turning around where he sat to meet her gaze. “No, I’m not scared.” He was being honest, he wasn’t scared. More so, he was CURIOUS. He had learned that going back to return the stones would be quite simple, as long as he followed the same rules he had when they had originally retrieved them. However, there was one thought that crossed his mind about going back in time.

PEGGY. 

Peggy Carter had been stuck in his brain ever since he’d gone back in time with Tony and saw her, saw her in the FLESH. She was right there in front of him and he couldn’t do anything about it, given the mission at hand. Running into her would’ve changed EVERYTHING, but just seeing her for that brief moment in time made that familiar warmth for her grow in his chest. It was clear she still loved him when he’d seen the picture of himself on her desk, and of course, he still loved her. He always WOULD love her.

But then along came y/n and suddenly he had opened his heart to ANOTHER woman. They had met when he was running about his nomadic life, she was a pleasant surprise and a great ESCAPE for him. She’d been with him ever since, and he truly did LOVE her. And although he loved her, he still couldn’t get the scenario of returning the stones out of his head. What if he stayed in the 40’s with his first love Peggy Carter, living out the life he had once hoped they would have?

“Then what’s got you so deep in thought?” Her hands move to cup his face, moving him to look at her. “We don’t keep secrets, remember? You can tell me ANYTHING.” It was true, they refused to keep secrets between them; their relationship was built on communication and trust from the start.

Steve sighed, it’s not FAIR to keep his thoughts to himself, especially if it meant hurting her in the long run. He pulls her hands from his face, moving to hold them in his lap. His eyes stare at their hands together, unsure of how to start the conversation. “I’ve just been thinking about tomorrow, about returning the stones…” He pauses, furrowing his brows. “I told you that I saw Peggy when I went back with Tony to retrieve the tesseract. Of course I’m going to go back and return the stone to that point in time, and I can’t help but think about...WELL, about what life would’ve been like if I didn’t go into the ice. What would have happened if I made it back to her…”

Y/N’s heart is breaking at his words, she COMPLETELY understood how he felt about Peggy, and she had never minded when he spoke about her. It didn’t bother her of course because it was all related to the past, not related to the present or the FUTURE.

She’s distracting herself from crying by listening to the wind blow through the open window. She turns her head towards it, noticing how the night came down and enveloped the sky in the moon and stars. They sat in silence like this for a moment before she turned her attention back to him, letting go of his hands.

“I can’t believe you’d even THINK about that as a possibility.” She’s frustrated, getting up off the bed and running her hands through her hair. She didn’t LIKE this feeling, the feeling of being second best. She didn’t deserve to feel like that. “After all we’ve been through, after the YEARS of pain and suffering, after finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel...you want to throw all of this away...throw ME away.” Her voice is rising now but she can’t help it.

Steve doesn’t know how to respond, taking a few deep breaths to keep his composure. “I was just saying I was THINKING about it, nothing is set in stone.” Y/N can’t help but scoff at the words, her arms flailing as she speaks. “Nothing is set in STONE? I SHOULD be set in stone, this shouldn’t even be a discussion.” She hissed, fighting back tears once again. 

“I know, I KNOW okay? You asked me what I was thinking and I was being honest, as I have always been with you. There has always been a part of me that wondered what if with her, and then I met you and things have been INCREDIBLE, but the thoughts have never left” Steve admitted, a part of him wishing he hadn’t even been honest.

“This is it, Steve. Tomorrow is THE day you take those stones back so you’re going to have to make a decision.” She moves closer to the bed, arms crossed against her chest, her eyes locking on his blue hues as the tears that she had been keeping at bay start to fall down her cheeks. “If you don’t love me NOW, you will NEVER love me again.” She declared. “It’s me or Peggy. If you choose her I’m gone.”

Her tears pull him back to reality, what was he even THINKING? Was he really about to go back in time, return the stones, and go back to Peggy? What if what they had wasn’t enough to keep them together? He’d end up stuck in the past, unhappy with the decision he made, wishing he had chosen y/n instead.

“Babygirl…” The words are soft and she practically MELTS at his pet name for her. He stands up, pulling her into his chest, caressing her tousled hair. “I’m sorry...I DO love you, alright? I told you I wanted you forever and I do, I would NEVER break the chain.” The chain is how Steve liked to refer to their relationship, their BOND. ‘You and I are stronger than string, you’ve got me tied to you by a metal CHAIN babygirl..’ He had once said, back when they’d first gotten together in the nomad days.

Y/N slowly relaxes into his chest, the words loosening the pain she was feeling in her heart. “I love you SO much.” She leans up to press a kiss to his lips, rushed and sloppy and with EVERY bit of passion she had for him. Steve’s lips melt to her own, hands trailing down her back until they reach the bottom of her ass, tugging her up into his arms. Her hands are roaming through his hair, only breaking the kiss when they both have run out of AIR.

Steve wastes no time in tossing her gently against the bed, both of their hands clawing at buttons, zippers, and fabric until their clothes are thrown in a pile on the floor. “I love you too.” He whispers against her lips, fingers rubbing in circular motions against her clit. Y/N’s nails claw at Steve’s chiseled back, ARCHING her own as his lips place hot kisses to the skin of her collarbone.

Her nails rake down his sides until she reaches his cock, wrapping her hand around it and eliciting a GROAN of approval from Steve. “Need you, Steve...please.” She begged below him, hips rolling into his hand as he rubbed his fingers along her damp folds.

He nestles himself between her thighs, rubbing the tip of his cock against her wetness before pushing inch by inch inside. She’s so warm, so TIGHT around him, rolling his hips forward once more until he bottoms out. Y/N instinctively wraps her legs around him, pulling him as deep as she can, eyes closing in satisfaction. 

“You’re so WET babygirl...feel so good wrapped around my cock.” His hips move back and forth, pulling out until just the tip is inside her before plunging back in again. The rhythm is filled with passion, fucking into her like it was the LAST time he’d ever be able to do so.

“Fuck, Steve I’m gonna…” Her breath hitched as waves of pleasure rolled over her, Steve’s pace continuing as he fucked her through her orgasm. It isn’t much long after she had come undone before he does as well, pumping his seed deep inside, COATING her. They stay connected, taking several minutes to catch their breath before Steve pulls out, rolling over and tugging y/n into his side.

“That was incredible…” Steve mumbled, eyes closing. Y/N’s body calms against his side, her breathing heavy as sleep enveloped her. Steve rubbed his fingers up and down y/n’s back as she slept, the events of tomorrow continuing to play out in his mind until he also fell asleep.

Tony’s funeral had proceeded that morning without a hitch, everyone solemnly suffering as they shared stories of their former Avenger, their FRIEND. It happened to be a beautiful day out for the funeral, the sun shining brightly against the water. Tony wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Shortly after many of the attendees had filtered out, Steve changed out of his black suit and into the advanced tech suit he had worn the last time he went back in time with the Pym particles.

He stood with Bruce (half Hulked out) and Sam, watching the stones glisten as Bruce opened the clasp on the briefcase.

“Remember.” Bruce stated. “You have to return the stones to the EXACT moment you got ‘em or you’re gonna open up a bunch of nasty alternative realities.”

“Don’t worry Bruce.” Steve replied, shutting the briefcase closed. “Clip all the branches.” Steve and Bruce talk briefly before Steve starts walking towards the time machine, Sam by his side.

“You know, if you want, I could come with you.” Sam is SERIOUS in his tone, Steve making eye contact with him. “You’re a good man, Sam. This one’s on me though.” Steve approaches Bucky next, a smile spreading across his face. “Don’t do anything stupid till I get back.” He orders, a matching smile spreading on Bucky’s own face. “How can I? You’re taking all the STUPID with you.” The two embrace for a moment before pulling away.

“Gonna miss you, buddy.” Bucky confessed, eyes twinging with sadness. Steve doesn’t want him to worry, turning his head before walking towards y/n. “It’s going to be okay, Buck.”

Steve’s hand comes up caress your cheek, gripping at your chin to pull you in for a kiss. It feels DIFFERENT from the rest, more FINAL. “I love you, y/n. I always will.” She furrows her brows at the comment, squeezing his bicep gently.

“I love you too, now go on, you’ve got some stones to return.”

Steve turns and walks up the stairs and into the time machine, holding the briefcase tightly in one hand with Mjølnir in the other. “How long is this gonna take?” Sam asks, turning to look at Bruce. “For him, as long as he needs. For us, five SECONDS. You ready, Cap?” Bruce inquired, resulting in a nod from Steve. “All right, we’ll meet you back here, okay?”

“You bet.” With that Steve closes his helmet, y/n letting go of a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. Five seconds. It’ll just be five seconds and he’ll be BACK to her.

“Going quantum. Three...two...one…” With that Steve is snapped away, leaving everyone to look at the empty time machine. “And returning in five...four...three...two...one…” Bruce presses the button, a worried look on his face. He starts to play with a few buttons, y/n’s eyes widening with FEAR.

“Where is he?” Sam questioned, turning his head to Bruce. “I don’t know. He blew right by his time stamp. He should be here.”

“Bruce, get him the HELL back.” Y/N snarled, this could NOT be happening. What if he was stuck somewhere in time forever? As y/n, Sam, and Bruce converse Bucky notices something off in the distance, turning his voice to the attention of the group.

“Guys…” They all turn in Bucky’s direction, y/n walking over to him and searching for what he was looking at. Her eyes narrow in on someone sitting on a bench in the distance, a sigh of relief leaving her lips. She jogs towards the figure on the bench, a SMILE spreading on her face.

“Steve, I thought we lost you forever” Her voice trails off taking in the sight of him. Yes, it’s him, but he’s aged SIGNIFICANTLY. She looks over his outfit, noticing a thin band around his ring finger, THE ring finger.

“Y/N…” His voice is frail, turning to look at her, a sigh leaving his lips. “Y/N, I’m REALLY sorry.”

Hot tears start to stream down her face, her head shaking in disbelief. How could he? After last night, how could he do THIS?

“I can STILL hear you saying you would never break the CHAIN...”

Taglist: @turtoix

[peeterparkr]

The Holiday.|Tom Holland

chapter one: The Prince and the Pauper. (Pauper.)

↳ read Sophia’s version here and a little bit of Tom. (Tim fic)

So, the christmas series is finally here! This is a 2 fics in one, meaning I’ll write Tom’s fic and @jambrosemc will write a Tim Chalamet fic, if you’re not familiar with the concept, it’s based on the movie The Holiday, where two women after being heartbroken switch their homes and lives for a bit. Both fics are reader insert, however Emma’s character will be named Sophia in this fic and my character will be named Iris in her fic. Remember the fics are connected and that Tom’s introduction is held in @jambrosemc​ ‘s fic. And so Tim’s introduction is here. Hope it’s not complicated and we hope you love it. 

STORY SUMMARY:  Two women troubled with guy-problems, one who’s in love with love and one who doesn’t believe in it are both suffering from a broken heart, with little reasoning and nothing left to lose, they swap homes in each other's countries for the holidays, where they’ll meet a local guy who will probably change their destiny. 

chapter summary: The heartbreak of an unrequited lover. pairing: tom holland x y/n | warnings: Chad, mentions of sex, alcohol, mentions of cheating.  word count: 7.2k

story masterlist. 

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There is something unequivocally  known about love, everything that’s been said about it, is almost true. We’ve been bombarded with love songs, romantic comedies, romance novels, poetry, it’s everywhere. There can never be enough love songs, because no matter how incredible it never seems to be the same, you’ll never see two pieces that are identical, some of them are similar, of course, but they all speak from a very deep side of Love.  Love isn’t one thing that is written down, not an exact science. There’s no right formula to whatever love is. But every single thing written about love might be true, at least to someone. Love is something so personal and yet we can all relate to it, but then again there’s never two loves that will feel the same. There can be two love stories starting at the same time but you’ll never feel like it’s the same. But everytime someone dares to write or speak or sing about love, it’s most likely to be true. Or so you’ve learned throughout the years.

In Romeo and Juliet,  Romeo asked himself ‘Did my heart love till now?’, and there's common sense to it, we’ve all felt that…We’ve all wondered if you’ve known love before you met the one.  You believed you had, you thought you had it all figured out. How much can one learn about love? We’ve all felt it. At some point, or another. You had. It’s incredibly easy to understand that though love is unique in its own sense, love is universal.

You did believe that everything concerning love was true. Shakespeare also said, "Journeys end when lovers meet."

Was it true? You loved to rely on that thought, that we were meant to travel until we found the one. That two people are destined to meet in the middle and start a new one together.

You loved to think about love more than anyone did, you were hopeless. It’s incredibly complex, and subtle and it’s got the power to change someone, and a story, completely. Love is not easy.

Love is also blind, you, perfectly,  knew about that. It was smart to know that you’d been blinded yourself.

Love fades. Love is lost. Love is complicated. Love can be something eternal, or love can only last for a night.

Then, there was the one love you knew, the one you’d been living for a while. Unrequited love. No one really talks about that one. All love stories rely on the fact that the two lovers will end up together. But the unrequited love? No, no one dares to write about it. Maybe because they’re too sad in their sorrow to even think of that. You always wondered what would be of that story if someone ever dared to write it. And what’s the destiny awaiting for them?

Always the bad luck, the ones with the blinded reason, but always foreign to that one feeling of joy. Always wounded, and always left when the sun is out. The handicapped of hearts.

You were one, you were one of them, the one who is in love with that one guy who never dares to love back.

It gets even worse around the Holidays, everyone speaks of it. It’s everywhere. You go to the mall and see people buying gifts for their significant others, you turn the TV on and there’s the usual bad romantic films that you ended up watching, always the same, the girl goes from the big city back to her old town and her high school sweetheart is in love with her still, all while there’s an angel or Santa Claus, or whatever they come up this time, and she finds herself falling back in love with her old town, and she’s a painter or whatever and she lets go her dream of the big city to go back to her pathetic love interest.

Yet you always watched them, curled up in front of your TV with the candy that you were supposed to give out on Halloween but instead kept them for Christmas.

That was you, a hopeless romantic who was desperate for love.

You were there, wrapping a delicate christmas present that probably was not wanted but that you were too blinded and too stupid to see that. Also trying to wrap your own mind whether you’d give this out or not.

You were pathetic, and there he was in all his splendor. Chad.

Of course, maybe that’s what you get for being in love with a man named Chad, but he didn’t live up to his name. He was handsome, and incredibly perfect, and you were always so mesmerized by him. You had been in love with him for three years now, three miserable years. And honestly it’s been the worst years of your life, worst birthday, christmases, Halloween, New Years Eve’s that needed wine and Xanax. The biggest curse. All because you’re in love with a man who’s never and will never ever love you back.

He probably wasn’t conventionally good looking, not for most girls around anyway, but he had a confidence and a sly sexuality that could get you to your knees in the blink of an eye.

“Y/N, dear, please tell me you’re not deeply lost looking at Chad?” Angela, your coworker and probably closest thing to a friend asked.

“What?” You were snapped out of your trance. “No, no!” Though you had been.

The holidays party at the newspaper you worked at. You wrote the only good news, you’d say, the column of UNIONS, when you described marriages and gave the couples a little bit of spotlight to their recent and new found joy. You wanted to write way more than that, honestly, but you didn’t mind. Though you knew you were probably wasted potential. Potential, everyone said you had it.

“I thought that was over,” Angela pointed out.

“It is! It is—“You tried to say. “It—is, mostly.”

Angela rolled her eyes, “thought so,” she snapped. “What even was the deal with you two? You used to fuck him right?”

“I—“you coughed. “Yeah, I used to sleep with him, but more importantly I was in love with him.”

Still were, for that matter.

“Oh, great, and then—you discovered he was fucking that other girl in accounting, Denise.”

“Yes, I did find out and hence why I stopped… sleeping with him,” you whispered, embarrassed. “And I don’t want to talk about this at the party.”

“But like I always see you two together, so he cheats on you and you keep being friends with him?” Angela pushed to your own disarray. “Plus, I’m like 300% sure you’re the one who writes the articles for him, he hasn’t one ounce of talent and you do.”

You did write his stuff. But couldn’t get anywhere yourself.

“I well-”

“And he cheated, y/n.”

“Yes but he didn’t cheat, you see in his mind we weren’t in a relationship and we were in mine… but like—“

“So if you’re not in a relationship that means you have to expect he’s going to fuck other women?” She pointed out.

“I—“ you didn’t know what to say. “No, no, I mean—but I was so in love with him, but—“Somehow this had opened a gate that you hadn’t opened in a while. “Wait—No, no I can’t cry,” you said to yourself feeling like there was going to be a cascade pooling your eyes. “Does it look like I’m crying?”

“Y/n, maybe—Look,” she wiped off a tear, I—“She coughed. “Did he ever say he loved you?”

“I—yes, three times.” You had counted them. “When I reminded him of that he said it must've been a  question and it most certainly was not.”

“You see y/n, when you catch a man fucking another woman you’re not supposed to remain friends with him, you’re supposed to make a scene, threaten to chop off his dick, throw things at him, like I did with your brother.”

You rolled your eyes, “Tim didn’t cheat on you,” you said. “You slept with him once, didn’t talk to each other for like a month and he found someone else and you made a scene.”

You knew your brother was many things but he wasn’t a cheater, he was not a bad person. Tim was someone with enough confidence to know what he wanted and sure, he did find a one night love with strangers every now and then, but he wasn’t a bad person. He probably was too confused. He’s the typical man who is afraid of commitment and has no follow through.

He never fell in love, that wasn’t his thing. The opposite of you, who fell in love deeply. Tim never—wanted any commitment. He could have a one night stand and never follow through.

“But—you see that’s what you’re supposed to do,” Angela continued.

“But I’m not doing anything, we just—text,” you admitted with pity, “and sometimes we FaceTime but like that’s it, and we’ve gone out for lunch and look, he says we’d be idiots to give up our friendship but—“You couldn’t continue.

“Fucking men, they’re trash, all of them, he’s got you right where he wants you, who wouldn't want a fantastic girl like you in love with him ... hanging on his every word …?” She asked. “Chad knows anytime he wants to crawl back …”

“And he is… Look, today he—he said we should go out and he gave me a Christmas present.”

“Which was?”

“A set of lingerie but—“

“Oh my god y/n,” she snapped. “I can’t believe how pathetic you are.”

“Is it pathetic really? To think the world is near perfection every time I’m with him?”

Angela rolled her eyes. “Very. It’s...Chad.”

“I… is it wrong, really? I just want to be loved.”

“And you chose Chad?”

Before you could say anything, your boss called out. “Everybody gather around. I have an important announcement to make,” your boss said. “First of all you, I want to wish each and every one of you a Merry  Christmas. It’s been a year, hasn’t it? I’m proud of what we’ve accomplished,”he kept rambling on their achievements or whatsoever they had done throughout the year, you couldn’t care less. “Given that, we may be able to get by with a smaller announcement—Which involves y/n—y/n? Are you there?”

Angela raised your hand.

“Well y/n your column on weddings has been lovely,” he said.

Was it though?

“And—Well, a wedding was privately announced earlier, and I don’t think any other paper in town knows about it and I want you to be the first to report on this particular union,   as it is between two of our most esteemed colleagues got hitched! Bring a loud cheer for Chad Bloom and Denise Higgins!”

Boom.

It all felt...no.

You tried desperately not to cry. Everyone could see you there. Were you dreaming? This was a nightmare.

You didn’t know how you got the guts to get out of that office without crying. You’ve never felt braver before, but you had to give the politest of smiles to Chad and everyone around to then proceed to get your coat and head home. How pathetic did you look in your car crying to a guy who definitely was going to do that.

This felt like a nightmare. The love of your life was engaged.  And you couldn’t do anything about it. Because you didn’t believe in multiple loves, only one, love wouldn’t come again and knock on your door. This was it, you were destined to be lonely and stay lonely. This was your very worst nightmare, all that time wasted upon and there was nothing you could do about it.

It hurt, your heart was wrenched. You’d open the Halloween candy sooner, and you’d bought ice cream, three pints of ice cream.

Just a week before he had given you the set of lingerie and said he was eager to see you wearing it. Honestly, you had lied to Angela. You had seen him a couple of times, and sooner or later you’d end up in between the sheets because you had absolutely no self control when it came to him. He knew how to press your buttons and where to touch you and he’d try to charm you each time and you’d end up falling for it. He’d say that he’d changed and that he always believed in you.

Honestly, you always fell for it because you thought you were both destined to be in love.

But now it was all gone, you’d lost him. He was going to marry someone else.

This probably was the lowest point in your life, it really was. Because it was so stupid to fall in love with someone who was just going to step on you, and you needed someone. Time was passing by, it was getting darker and night was only drowning you more. You needed someone to talk to, who’d listen. But someone who wouldn’t judge you just as bad or who couldn’t judge you as bad.

You were getting tired of crying but you couldn’t help it. You felt insignificant and as small as humanly possible. So very crushed.

You called your brother, because though he probably would judge you, and he’d probably not care, he was kind of forced to listen because you were relatives and you did help him from time to time. Lately more than you wanted to.

“Y/N—?” Tim answered, and you could hear there was music playing behind him. Of course he’d be awake in the middle of the night. He probably was out clubbing.

“Tim—I need—I’m not okay,” you admitted.

“Y/N I can’t really—“he laughed in between. “Hear you.”

“Chad is engaged!” You said louder.

He laughed. “Chad, what a stupid name.”

“Tim I’m serious!” She stated.

“How serious can this be his name is Chad!” Tim giggled. He was clearly drunk.

“Tim! I—He’s engaged I—I can’t believe it just a week ago he said he—“

“We’ve both known Chad is an asshole y/n, his name is Chad for fuck’s sake,” Tim pushed. “We both—I thought you were over him.”

“I… well.”

“Fuckin’ hell, y/n.”

“I’m never gonna love again,” you stated.

He scoffed. “Love doesn’t exist, y/n,” he stated. “Not for someone named Chad.”

“Stop.”

“He—“Tim sighed. “Look, we both knew he was an idiot, and we both knew he was going to break your heart and—He already had! May I remind you of that? He cheated on you!” He stated. “He is an asshole who doesn’t deserve any of your tears and I’m a hundred percent sure you are crying.”

You were, for that matter. Love for you was also always shedding tears.Sad tears. Love hurts. “I love him.”

“And I love this vodka on my hand,” he stated. “That—means nothing, okay?”

“You’ve never been in love,” she snapped. “You don’t know how it feels to have your love taken away—“

“Don’t go there, y/n.”

“I—I just—I can’t—“

“Y/N you need a break,” Tim said without really caring. “I’ll call you back later alright? I’m busy.”

A break.

Yes, that’s exactly what you needed. A break from your stupid and pathetic life, a break from your little fantasy. A break from Chad. Honestly, you were tired of it. Always having the worst of luck. You needed a break from men, though you barely had… Being completely honest, it only takes one man to lose faith in humanity. They hold that power.

You knew what love was and well, you’d never have it. You were destined to be the side character, the best friend and the one plot device. Not relevant.

Because honestly how stupid were you.

But was it really so bad to feel that way? To long for love, for someone who would run to you, and whom you could fall so deeply with. Guess now you had to build up walls. Because now you couldn’t get nobody else to hurt you again, nobody was worth this pain. Nobody should ever feel this way. You never wanted to let anyone hurt you again.

Honestly, you so needed a break.  But where and how?

You couldn’t stay in your place, it held too many memories, lots of them of you being stupid with Chad because you were such an idiot for letting him in your house and corrupt your place. You needed a break because everything would remind you of him, your car, his car, his house, this town, everything. Also your place was too sad.

You could go away. You had to, because you couldn’t let yourself drown in more sorrow. You were so unbelievably tired of it.

You had to go. Away from him, away from this place and your stupid house. Hell, if you could, you’d go to another country.

You rang Timmy again.

“What- y/n?”

“Where should I go?”

“What?”

“Yes on vacation,” you added.

“How do I-I don’t know, fuck it eh, oh wherever they speak English, bye.” He hung up on you again.

Where did they speak English?

England, of course.

Hell, maybe that’s why Chad didn’t love you, you were stupid, probably. England. London. You’d always wanted to go there. Anywhere really, but you never went anywhere because you were still waiting on Chad. Jesus, how much time did you spend wasting on that man?

England.

You opened up your laptop, ready for it. You needed to get away and not waste the holidays watching old and bad Hallmark movies eating ice cream by yourself. Or maybe yes, just far away from your own house.

Airbnb.

You went straight to London, it always seemed like a dream, besides it could work. And you scrolled through houses, big ones, small ones.

Then you found one. ‘Cozy, lovely place above a bookshop’. It did call your mind, it gave the idea of a perfect fantasy, it seemed nice enough.

And far, very far. And so different from whatever her fantasy with Chad had been, what was his thing? Island in the Caribbean.

You kept reading.

“In the other direction, the Bayswater Road will take you to Notting Hill (location of the Julia Roberts/ Hugh Grant film of the same name) and its fantastic local restaurants and bars, boutique shops, and the famous Portobello Road Market.”

That caught your mind. It seemed… perfect but to live with that fantasy of yours to live in a stupid romcom. Could it be?

No, no. You had to go in with the idea that no matter how romantic, you had bad luck and not even such a romantic place would make you have someone to love. You were really supposed to be always lonely. But the idea… of leaving did thrill you.

You didn’t think much of it, but the next morning, you still had that thought roaming in your mind, and eventually… you tried to reach out. It had closed, however. But you had saved the ad.

Sophia.

That was her name.

Hey! I’m interested in your house! That seemed too weird. Besides she had closed it.

You decided to reach out anyway.

“Hey, I was interested in your house! I don’t know if someone else rented it but I thought it was worth the shot. Is it still available? I’m sorry if it’s not. I just really liked your place! It’s okay if it’s not! Sorry! Thank you!” You sent it in. Wondering if you’d apologized just enough times.

You knew she’d probably not respond.

“Oh, sorry! I was renting it because I was planning to go on holiday with my boyfriend but plans changed. We broke up recently so I won’t be going anymore,” she answered.  That had been quick. Lucky she was online but the place was no longer available.

This was your bad luck only. Of course she wasn’t going to rent it. The dream seemed too far away. But… she had just broken up, she probably was feeling awful.

“Oh, I’m sorry!  why did you break up with him?” You asked.

Then read again what you’d just asked. What was wrong with you? This was a stranger. They didn’t need to give any explanation.

“I’m sorry you don’t have to answer that. I don’t know why I asked.” You added.

She was typing. “No, don’t worry! I guess it’s pretty complicated but long story short, he cheated on me.”

Been there, you thought to yourself. But probably at least most likely she was dating him and they were in a relationship not like you with your stupid “whatsoevership” with Chad.

“Men are trash,” you texted her.

“To say the least,” she answered.

You bit your lip. You knew you had to open up to. Well you didn’t have to, but you… felt the need to.

“I’m really sorry, I know how it feels. I was actually looking at your place to escape from a man myself. The love of my life, Chad, just got engaged.”

As soon as you sent it you saw how stupid you looked. You were absolutely pathetic.

“Chad?” Sophia asked.

You chuckled. You could see the smirk from the other side.

“I know. It’s my fault for falling in love with a Chad. Lives up to his stupid name.” Was your response.

It honestly was. But thought it seemed fun to poke on his name, it really didn’t occur to you that it was because of his name that he was an asshole, don’t blame it on a name.

“Well, I’m sorry that “Chad” had to be the love of your life. It sounds like we both need to get away.” Sophia sent.

Yes, you too were sorry.

“Definitely, but I’m gonna keep looking. I need to be at least 500 miles away from him.”

You really were going to keep looking, maybe not as perfect as the place Sophia had but at least go away.

“Maybe we could work something out?” Sophia asked.

Huh.

You grinned before chuckling. “Let’s switch lives like in The Parent Trap, although we’re not twins we’d be switching breakup lives.”

That would be a fun idea, impossible of course but you secretly hoped it could be done.

“Sounds interesting! Where are you from?” She asked.

Was she really up for it or was she just like you? Bored and alone enough to be talking to a stranger you’d met over Airbnb. Some people do tinder, but guessed you did Airbnb to make friends with other women who’d fallen under the sorrow that is falling in love with men.

“Astoria, Oregon. Pretty boring compared to London I guess.” Was your answer. Of course if she was remotely interested on switching before, all hopes would flush now.

“Not at all! All I care is that it’s far from here.” Sophia answered.

Was… it for real?

“Me too.”

You answered in hopes, but not really she’d back away.

“So, should we switch?” She asked.

You stared at the screen, not believing it. You had to make sure. “You’re serious? My place is nothing like yours.”

“Surely it’s not too horrible.”

It wasn’t, honestly. It was pretty. But not exciting, it was only normal. It was clean, it was full of books.

“I have a kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, living room. That's it. And I’m not near a romantic location like yours. I do have a dog, though.”

You didn’t know why you were sabotaging yourself. Matter of habits, maybe.

She didn’t.. Back away. “That’s perfect, I want far away from romance.”

So weird, you wanted to go near something romantic to be reminded love exists, or whatever. You didn’t understand why. Honestly, it probably was only a way to cope with this.

“Well, this is your chance.”

Honestly, this place was everything but romantic.

“Can I ask you one thing?” She asked.

She was going to back away. “Sure.”

“Are there any men in your town?” She asked.

Well, there goes your chance. You had to be honest about it. “Honestly? Zero.”

You waited for the ‘not interested' answer, instead she gave you: “When can I come?”

You scoffed with delight, not believing it. “Tomorrow too soon?” You asked, half-joking only. Honestly, you had to get away now.

“Tomorrow’s perfect actually.”

You couldn’t believe it. “wait wait wait but like are you for real?”

“Absolutely, or would it be too crazy?”

It ws for that matter, but when you’re brokenhearted you have no common sense. You didn’t have one of your own, that is. But this was exciting and this seemed like an adventure. A great idea for the one book you’d promised yourself you’d end up writing one day, instead of writing every other article for Chad.

You thought about it, you really wanted to go through with it. “It is but I’m down for it, but like, okay do you want pics of my home or something so you don’t think I’m a creepy old man who might kidnap you?”

And that would bring less of suspicion, god, why were you like this?

“Umm, yes actually :) that would be great.”

Yeah, she’d say that.

“Okay, wait, want my phone number so we’re not talking over air bnb?”

“Yes, I feel like that might be better.”

What was going on? Why were you exchanging numbers with a girl who you had never met and who lived in a completely different country. Besides, it was even crazier to think you btoh were thinking about switching places. You were crazy, completely off reason. Yet you didn’t know how or why you ended up both texting more, and talking. Showing each other’s places and ranting about men.

You couldn’t blame her for not believing in love, of course she wouldn’t. The ne guy she gives her heart to cheated on her. You wouldn’t blame her, at all. Besides, it was just…

You both had a very different version of it, but it was… Different. Yes, different, you guessed there was no other way to put it into it.

The texting didn’t cease, it continued more than you ever thought it would. Because sometimes it’s easier to rant to a stranger about life and love’s misfortunes. It seemed incredibly stupid how you both were talking about men who decided to ruin your lives. How in this world had you ended up venting to a stranger?

Danny blamed it on her. Danny seemed like the typical male who wanted to have a girlfriend and well, there was Sophia. It seemed sad, seemed like they both settled for it. Not even Sophia seemed to talk about him with love. She was just so… Not into it. Just talking about someone who she used to share time with.

She had given up on it. You couldn’t understand that. If the one who wasn’t the one could make her happy at some point, how happy would she be with the one?

However, you both seemed very alike, and both of you probably were in the same situation. Well, of course, the cheating part was different. But you’d gone through it as well. But Sophia explained that Danny, her ex, hadn’t even felt sorry for cheating.

You knew that story like the palm of your hand. Chad well… He blamed it on you, too. And he had said it, he didn’t cheat.

And though the stories were so different, the feeling was the same, of wanting to take a break from your pain, from a heartache and being so damn unreasonable to think of this. Honestly, though the idea of London seemed romantic, you knew you’d end up curled up crying on the other side of the world.

Sophia seemed to be very well put together, she had her bookshop, which added to her life. And sure, she seemed like a workaholic but she seemed to be kind. Someone who had the guts to follow her dreams and someone who barely had time to think about love.

You wished you were a bit more like her. She seemed like a main character. Even her name was a main character one.

The texting, not sure how or when, turned into a facetime call, and there you were, facetiming with a stranger about the lack of love you’d been involved with.  You pitied her, though. Not in a bad way, but in a way you could completely understand what she was going through. She seemed tough enough. But for her, love had rules. It had to be a certain way, and life had to have a certain balance and everything had to be merely perfect. But love for her was simple, the only rule was not to cheat.

Danny, her ex, had broken that rule. Which honestly, from what you’d gathered she was someone who actually tried. But… No, Sophia had seen him fade out. It always scared you to see that, to see how someone falls out of love. Sophia had seen it. But maybe Sophia’s belief, or lack of, of love was just… Surreal. But you understood it, not completely. But you did.

How could she believe in love when she’d never had it? Truly had it.

And she spoke of love as if it was a disease. Maybe it was, a disease. But was love really the disease or the aftermath the true one?

She didn’t believe in love. And not in a way that everyone has gone through, not in the way when you’re so brokenhearted that you don’t believe in it for a while. No, she didn’t want to give it a chance. For her, life was supposed to be about her success and her job, and the thrill of owning a bookshop.

Maybe she was the one who was right, after all you'd proved that love only could hurt. And how could you, after all of this, believe in it?

“So how long were you with him?” You asked her, as you were pacing around your kitchen, honestly you didn’t care if a complete stranger was seeing you in your ‘Chad reaction’, the bottle of wine, the chips, the cookies, your pj’s. Your pug dog, Tommy following you around.

Yet she was there, so elegantly, with her glass of wine. How was she handling it so well?

She gave it a thought. “About four years. What about you? How long have you loved Chad?” She smirked at the thought.

Four years. It seemed… enough. You rolled your eyes at the mention of his name. “Oh god it does sound super stupid,” you groaned. “But… Three stupid and miserable years, it’s a low point,” you said before finally opening up the wine and pouring a glass.

“No, it’s not stupid,” she answered. But it was, his name was Chad. “But, I can imagine how it would be a low point.”

Very, very low point. “But like you told me—He blamed it on you?” You couldn’t put your mind to it, at least Chad had accepted he’d slept with Denise. Of course, he didn’t say he cheated but he hadn’t… blamed it on you.

“He did,” she admitted. “He said I worked too much, and that I didn’t give him enough attention.”

You clenched your jaw, incredulous of how stupid he was. If you met the guy you’d probably slap him. “Fuck him, honestly, you’re successful bet he was intimidated by your success.” Because that’s how men work.

Sophia sighed. “Hmm, I doubt it. He just seemed… “ She paused. “bored of me.” You could see she was hurt. “I mean, he was right about one thing. I do spend most of my time at work, but that doesn’t give him any right to do that.”

“No. it doesn’t,” you agreed as you plopped on your couch, your dog jumping to your lap .” Why—Why are men—Like—”You didn’t know what you wanted to ask. “No, never mind that’s my question,” and it was. “Why are men?”

She let out a soft laugh. “Why are men indeed. More specifically, why is Chad?” She joked.

You laughed, too, with distress, running a hand through your face. “Ugh, don’t even mention him,” you whined. “He’s an asshole, can you imagine just a week ago he wanted to sleep with me?” You snaked with disbelief.

She groaned. “What I really have trouble understanding is why you ever wanted to sleep with him.” You had the question backwards, why had he ever looked at you? “Maybe his personality, but he seems like such a wad.”

You didn’t know how to answer the question. Then again, you had the same question for her. Why Danny? Why, being such an incredible woman, had she chosen Danny? Love is blind. You’d learned that over the years.

Maybe because ‘Danny and Sophia’ sounded like something with balance. But did it really? How could she see it so simply?

“Look—I—” You took a deep breath. “I believe in love at first sight,” and you did, in your own way. “and I don’t know, I guess—I saw the fantasy, you know?” You explained. “Thought we could—I don’t know, he was charming,” because he had been, at very first, he had been charming and he’d learned how to make you fall in love with him. “I guess I wanted that, you know the whole love story,” you sounded so childish and stupid but how could anyone ever apologize for being in love. “And he made me believe he could give it to me and then he just never—”You had to face the truth. “He only wanted sex and I fell in love,” it all ended so simply. Maybe Sophia was right all along. “Pathetic right?”

She watched you, and you saw it, the pity in her eyes. Yet someone else feeling sad for you.  She probably did think you were pathetic. “No, I don’t think it’s pathetic… I think… well, I’ve come to the conclusion that love isn’t worth any cost,” she answered. “Not really, especially since it doesn’t even seem real.” You wondered again, how come she’d never felt it. “Love makes people get their hopes up. It makes us… give too much of ourselves to other people, when we don’t even know what our future with them looks like,” she explained. Yes you were probably a mental woman to her. “But I don’t think it’s pathetic that you wanted to believe in something that only seems to come from fairytales, I just think that’s what most people do.”

How bad is it to want a fairytale? “Love is worth it, though,” you said, because how come a beautiful feeling could carry so much pain. “It’s men who are the problem.”

She grinned, defeatedly. “Suppose you got me there…”

You had to ask though. “But you... like really don’t believe in love?” You asked. “Then why were you with Danny? Didn’t you love him?”

She grimaced and took a sip of her wine. “You know,” she paused to think a bit. “I thought I loved him, and I thought he loved me.” You understood that part, believing someone loves you back and then it turns out they didn’t… Well, it hurt. “But, I guess he just…”She probably didn’t understand it herself. “And it just made me realize that, even if love is real, it comes so rarely that I don't believe I would ever find it.” That you could understand, though you were so enthusiastic about the feeling, you knew you weren’t meant to find it. “I just don’t think most people do.” She watched you, curiously. “Why have you put so much into it if you were hurt?”

It was an escape, really. Love seemed to make people happy and you wanted to be happy. She reminded you so much of Tim, talking trash about love and not understanding the thrill for it. Being so done with the feeling.

“I think… I dunno, love isn’t a one time thing,” you started with that, because it was true. “I think the problem is I suffered from unrequited love, but I think I… I dunno, I think we get chances,” you said. “Not me though,” you scoffed. “but it’s… I don’t know, I think I’ve always read about love and I’ve always wanted that, and love is complicated, that’s it,” you said, because love could come in so many ways. “I don’t think you can easily-“You shook your head. “I mean I do believe in a sort of thing like love at first sight but I mean, I believe in second chances, but like not for everyone,” seemed like believed in second chances for Chad. “ I guess I… I think there is such a thing as love I’m just… “ you took a deep breath. “super unlucky and maybe that sweet fantasy of any Julia Roberts’ romcom isn’t for me, I’m destined to be a side character who gets no… attention.” Or love.

Sophia probably believed you were helpless. You were. “Oh, come on Iris, that’s not true,” it was easy for her to say. She was the main character. “I mean, if you do come here then you’ll have plenty of opportunity to live a Julia Roberts movie. People seem to find this place so thrilling…” Why wouldn’t they. “I don’t seem to know much about love, or to really be the one to talk to about it, though… “ She admitted truthfully. She gave it a thought. “You know, you should talk to my friend, Tom, if you come. I think you’d get along well, he gushes on about love all the time.”

Your dog raised its head as soon as he heard his name. Tom. You smiled and petted him. “It is thrilling I mean, it’s near Notting Hill,” you were excited. “I just need Hugh Grant and that’s it but…”You knew it wouldn’t come. “You might come here and hate on love with my brother, he hates everything related to it.”

He really did. Tim was even worse than her. Tim never, ever had believed in love. He said he didn’t want to bother about it, no commitment, not ever seeing someone twice because why would he? He said it was a waste of time. Shades of gray on love. And he said he didn’t want to risk just to get hurt. He said love was… a mystery he didn’t want to explore. He liked simple things.

“Really? He sounds better than most men already,” she commented.

You laughed. “He’s not.”

If you ever bumped into someone like your brother you’d end up running the other way.

She chuckled. “Aren’t siblings meant to support one another?”

You scoffed. “You’d think that,” you pointed out. “But no, he’s a man,” you stated clearly. “I don’t know who’s worse men who hate love or men who pretend to love love,” you snaked. Probably the second one. “Your friend is probably the second one.”

Men who don’t believe in love at least are direct about it, and the second type they know and try to hurt you.

She shook her head. “No, I don’t think so. He seems to really believe in it, maybe more than you. He’s really sweet, typically… “She said. “I mean, he is a man so he has his days”

You heard her…. And then you clicked it. Tom, that friend of hers, he probably was in love with her. “Oh,” you closed your eyes. “Of course…. so… Right, right,” she chuckled. “But you don’t believe in love and...Right, right,” you thought it was ironic. You hadn’t even met the guy but you could tell that he probably was so smitten with her and she didn’t see it. A perfect love story.  Why couldn’t she see it? “Perfect setup, see?” You said. “This town is perfect for you, nothing that has to do with romance. It’s a great way to get away from everything romance.”

She seemed confused, because of course, she didn’t see it, she couldn’t, for that matter. But god, how did she not see it?

“Then I can’t wait to go, really,” she went along. “I mean, it seems perfect for you here, too. You can surround yourself in things to remember the “fantasy” of love again,” she offered. “So, are we really switching tomorrow?”

You couldn’t quite put your mind to it. It had been hours of you speaking with this stranger. And all because you wanted to change lives with a stranger. Were you actually going to go through with it? You wanted to.

“You think there are any flights?” You asked, half joking.

“I’m sure there have to be some. Should we check?” She offered.

You smirked and reached for your laptop, conveniently in front of you. “Definitely.”

You expected her to back up.

“Wonderful.” She hadn't. “How long are we doing this for?”

Forever? You wanted to say. “Uh, depends, holidays are coming soon… “ You pointed you. “So, even though I have no interest in spending Christmas here, what’s your idea?”

Because you didn’t want to spend Christmas with your family and hear that question, because you’d promised you’d bring Chad for Christmas. Why? You didn’t know. Because you were an idiot.

Sophia wrinkled her nose. “Nothing is really keeping me here for it, honestly.”

“I’m just-- you’re okay with dogs, right?” You asked as you pointed the camera at your puppy, honestly you had lied, Tommy was the love of your life. A young pug who loved to follow you around. “Because little Tommy here is going to miss me.”

She smiled at him. “I’d love to take care of… did you say…”She tried not to laugh. “l-little Tommy?”

You grinned as you hugged the dog close. “Yeah, his name is Tom. He’s the only male that matters.”

“Oh, I love that. I would love to trade Tom’s with you,” she chuckled.

Oh god, why didn’t she see it?

“As long as I don’t have to feed that one,” you chuckled.

“I do hope that you don’t have to, he seems somewhat capable of caring for himself,” she grinned. “Oh, by the way. He’ll be running my shop for me while I’m away, sometimes he stays later for work so if you hear him downstairs don’t worry.”

Of course he was, he was in love with her. You chuckled and then started to actually look for flights. “I probably won’t notice, honestly…” You scrolled through the flights and there was one. “Okay so here’s a flight, can you believe there’s actually one for tomorrow?”

She probably was looking for flights. “I found one too, shockingly enough… Are we really going through with this?”

Were you?

You were excited, scared but excited. “I think we are.”

“Well, alright then… “ She seemed to be rational yet.

“On three then….?” You asked, knowing this decision would probably change your entire life, not sure why. BUt you had a feeling that this was either the worst decision you’d ever made or the best one. This was the so-needed break you needed, you needed to breathe, and this was the perfect way to do so. Yes, this was unplanned and this was mysterious but this was what you needed an irrational decision.

“One…”She started.

“Two…”

“Three!” You said at the same time.

You’d bought the ticket. There was no going back now. You were going to London to a Stranger’s house for the Holidays.

sophia’s version <- REMEMBER TO READ TO KNOW WHAT’S UP WITH TOM. 

story masterlist.

next chapter

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[linopetal]

photograph. chapter one

pairing : na jaemin x reader

genre : angst , fluff , best friends to almost lovers , hanahaki disease au

word count : 5k

warnings : heavy cursing , mentions of blood , throwing up , dying , death

synopsis : so you can keep me inside the pocket of your ripped jeans holding me closer 'til our eyes meet you won't ever be alone

note : this heavily based off of ed sheeran’s song photograph ! ( it will make more sense in the later chapters ! ). this is also based on jaemins love for photography since he is always taking pictures of the members !

one.

At nine years old , Jaemin was gifted his first camera by his mother on Christmas morning. His mother always saw the look inside his eyes when they landed on the nice and expensive cameras in the mall. He always found nature in itself so pretty. His mother decided that a white disposable camera would perfectly fit him for his Christmas present. “ Jaemin it’s time for you to open your gift “ , his mother said in a soft voice. He remembers anxiously running up to the colorfully light christmas tree and bending down to pick up a present with his name largely written over it in black ink . The wrapping paper had pretty white snowflakes and snowmen printed all over. Quickly grabbing the present , he ripped open the box only to reveal a camera. He remembers this warm and happy feeling flowing throughout him. Most children his age would want toys and things like that , but that was not Jaemin. He didn’t see what was so important about toys that you would soon get rid of once you found a new and cooler looking toy. Grabbing the white camera , he hugged his mom. “ Thank you Mom! This is my favorite gift “ , he said smiling.

At ten years old , Jaemin was taking pictures of different things he ran across of during his walks in the neighborhood park. He vividly remembers taking a walk in the near by park that was recently built in his neighborhood. He stumbled across this little pond. Jaemin was fond of animals. Whether it be a dog or a goose , it didn’t matter to him , he thought they were all such beautiful creatures. He quickly grabbed his camera out of his back pocket to take a picture of the ducks swimming in the pond before they swam off. Jaemin wrote on the palm of his hand , “ Pond. Nice spot for photos “ as a reminder to come back to that exact spot another time to take photos. He still had the same old disposable white camera that he was gifted one christmas ago.

two.

At fifteen years old , Jaemin had just entered the ninth grade. Jaemin was always a quiet student. He didn’t interact with many students. Though , Jaemin was popular amongst some because of his looks and nice personality , he preferred to stay out of the crowd. He never liked being the center of attention in any context. He was fine with his one and only friend , Renjun. Huang Renjun had been Jaemin’s best friend since the second grade. They had met during the first day of school. Jaemin’s mom had made him a small creeper necklace.

Renjun had notice it and engaged in a very long conversation with him about how Minecraft was the best game to ever exist. And since that day they were inseparable. Renjun was basically Jaemin’s brother. He was always invited to family events. It was the same for Renjun aswell. They did everything together. Jaemin was very appreciative of Renjun. He had never had a friend like him. They stuck together throughout elementary.

Jaemin had just moved to a new neighborhood. His mom had recently got promoted to a higher placement in the company she worked at so they had to move a little ways over to be closer to her job. Renjun’s parents worked at the same branch of the company that Jaemin’s parents worked at meaning that they both would still go to the same school.

During the first day of nineth grade , Jaemin had decided to take his new green disposable camera with him , which he bought with money he saved up from doing chores. He bought it with him for on his way back to his house from school. There was a pretty park and he just felt like he had to capture the beauty he felt it held.

Jaemin was intimidated easily by people , though he was careful with the emotions he showed. He was to busy placing his camera into his backpack to notice the visibly taller and scary looking guys approaching him “ Hey what is that in your hand ? “ , the middle one asked sarcastically. “ Uh uhm its just a uh camera “ , Jaemin said nervously. “ Oh well mind if I see it for a second ? “ , the middle one asked with a fake smile on his face. Jaemin got a weird feeling in his stomach yet he was scared to say no so he simply nodded and complied out if fear of the strong boy. As he place the green camera in the boy’s hand , he heard the two other boys chuckle. Jaemin had attempted to take the camera back out of his hand but he failed in his attempt. Right then and there the middle boy took the camera , threw it on then ground , stomp on it and broke it into pieces. He looked at Jaemin and said , “ Thats what you get for being weird camera boy “, he said. Jaemin was upset. He spent six months saving up money to afford that camera. All the photos he had taken and all the memories stored were simply gone. He held back his tears and then all of a sudden he heard yelling. “ You asshole , why would you do that ? Fuck you , there was no point in that. “ you said angrily. “ Hey, Y/N you better calm down now “ the middle boy said in a mad voice. “ Fuck no “ , you said as you slapped the boy. Jaemin was caught off guard. No one had stood up for him when things like this occurred. Renjun was too much of a coward to stand up , and Jaemin understood that. He watched as you walked up to him and asked him , “ Hey , are you okay? I’m so sorry Jihoon acted that way to you. I’m Y/N by the way. If you want, I could by you a new camera ? “ , you said to him in a worried yet sweet tone. Jaemin was embarrassed. Eyes were on him and you which made him feel weird. You had notice his sudden discomfort due to the people staring and you looked at them and glared. When they turned their heads around you looked back at him with a soft smile. He realized it had been a good 20 seconds and he hadn’t answered you yet. “ Oh uh I’m Jaemin. Thank you so much. You don’t have to buy me a camera. I can just save up some money to buy another one “ , He said. “ Oh no don’t worry. It’s no bother Jaemin! “ , you said in a soft tone. He liked the way you said his name. And ever since then ,you two became best friends.

About a week after the incident that occurred on the first day of school , you and Jaemin had miraculously became friends. In the spam of seven days you both managed to find out you both live right beside each other , you both love peaches , and you both have an addiction to horror movies. You were both practically made to be best friends. From that day on it was you , Renjun , and Jaemin. You all had became best friends. It was you three against the world. You couldn’t ask for better friends.

One day , Jaemin had just woken up on a Saturday morning to the sound of his doorbell ringing multiple times. He thought he was going to catch a headache. He was a little annoyed but his annoyance quickly disappeared when he opened the door to only see you. He smiled so widely while looking at you that he didn’t even notice the item in your hand. Your were so cute , how could he not ? As you walked inside his nice and comfy home , you handed him the small box in your hand. “ What is this Y/N ? “ , he asked. “ Just open it Jaemin , I’m positive you will love it “ , you said smiling. You had a nice smile , he thought. You had known each other for eight months now , why was he thinking such things ? He shook the thoughts away and slowly started to unwrap the box. A camera. No. It wasn’t just any camera , it was a real camera. Not a disposable camera , a real one. He was shocked that you spent so much money on this. But he was beyond happy. “ Y/N , you really didn’t have to you know ? “ he said , still in shock. “ I know but , I wanted to. You love photography and I thought it would be a nice appreciation gift. Plus , when we hung out here a month ago , your mom showed me all the photos you’ve taken. They’re beautiful Jaemin. It’s artwork. So I thought you deserve this kind of camera. “ , you said sweetly to him. Why were you so perfect ? And why were you the most kind hearted and selfless person he had ever met ? And why was he feeling things he had never before ? It was that moment he realized , he had liked you. He didn’t realize it then , but to put it simply , Jaemin was fucked. When he became conscious of how he felt , he only watched those feelings grow stronger.

three.

Junior year had now arose. During sophomore year he met Chenle , Jisung , and Dongyhuck who all became an addition to your now expanded friend group. Jaemin had met them during try outs for the soccer team. He had been acquaintances with Hyuck prior. They had both met in ninth grade biology but they all didn’t become close until sophomore year. You were all inseparable. Friday movie nights were a frequent thing. You loved hanging out with them. But recently, everyone besides you and Jeno , had notice a recent change in Jaemin’s behavior. It had all came about when the two new boys , Mark and Jeno , had transferred to your school the beginning of junior year ( which they quickly became an addition to your friend group ) . The boys didn’t understand why Jaemin always sent Jeno an envious look. Jeno and Jaemin had naturally hit it off when they first had met. Jeno felt understood by Jaemin and Jaemin felt the same exact way. But what Jeno and you failed to realize was that Jaemin slowly had become envious of him in these recent months. The rest of the boys didn’t want to pry on Jaemin because they , themselves , didn’t understand the underlying situation and potential problem. So , they had let it slide due to the well being of their friend group.

Donghyuck had invited the whole group to his house for the usual friday movie night. On Monday , Hyuck sent out a text to the ‘ barbie’s life in the dream house ‘ group chat ( name was Mark’s choice , of course ) the list of food needed and who was to buy what. Donghyuck was never one to care about relatively anything BUT when it came to food he was one specific human being.

“ Did you all get the EXACT food I told you too ? “ , Hyuck said with a raised eyebrow. “ Yes , Yes we did Donghyuck “ , Chenle said. “ And before you ask , I didn’t forget to buy you tteokbokki “ , Jaemin said. “ You’re my favorite Jaemin just so you know “ , Hyuck said , sending a finger heart Jaemin’s way.

When Jaemin saw you walk through the door , he couldn’t help the way his heart had begun to beat so incredibly fast. Jaemin was one to observe every detail of a person. He noticed every small to large detail about you in that moment and he admired it all. He wanted to rush to you and sit right beside you but he saw the way Jeno beat him to it. Jaemin let out a sigh which caused Renjun’s attention. “ Hey you okay Jaemin ? “ , Renjun asked Jaemin. “ Yea uh just stressed “ , he replied. Renjun only nodded , turning away to focus on Chenle who had a bunch of movies in his hands. But Jaemin attempted to move his eyes away from the flirtatious scene infront of him.

“ Hey Jaemin “ , mark said , pulling Jaemin out of his thoughts and trance , “ Did you bring your camera ? We should take a group photo right now like we always do ! “ , mark suggested and everyone cheered. The camera. The one you bought him. You. You. You. Always fucking you. Jaemin shook his heading and grabbed his camera , signaling everyone to gather around. Of course you were right beside Jeno. He pushed a painful feeling down his throat. He clicked the timer button and went to join the photo. After the photo was done he put the camera in his bag and sat beside Donghyuck. And you , of course you were by Jeno.

Chenle suddenly placed all the movies infront of him on the carpet. “ Okay , We need to choose what we are going to watch right ? “ , he said and everyone nodded. “ So that means , Close your eyes and when I call out a movie name , raise your hand if you want to watch it okay ? The movie with the most votes is what were are going to watch. “ , Chenle explained. “ Since when were you so bossy Mr. Zhong Chenle ? “ Jeno jokingly asked. And there it was , your beautiful giggle. But again , was it for Jaemin , was it directed towards Jaemin because of something funny he said ? No. Never was it. It was for Jeno as always. Jaemin felt something poking at his throat. Ouch. It hurt but he tried to suppress the pain in order to focus on picking a movie.

“ Okay close your eyes everyone “ , Chenle ordered. “ Zootopia “ “ Rio 2 “ “ The Nun “ “Chucky “ , Chenle named out. “ Okay open now. We have the movie! “ , Chenle announced. “ What is it ? Tell me Tell me “ , you said in the softest voice ever. Jaemin suddenly wanted everything to stop. “ Chucky!” , Chenle said . “ Yay! “ , you cheered , Jeno smiled that perfect eye smile of his , and hugged your arm. This wasn’t good , Jaemin thought. He then felt a pain in his throat and motioned to the others that he was going to the bathroom and would be right back. What is this pain ? It hurt so damn much as if he was going to throw up something unusual.

He was right. Very unusual. Terrifying. Fucking scary. He felt like he was going to faint. Petals. Fucking petals. He threw up goddamn petals. Not just any petals. They were pink carnations. Fucking hell. Jaemin memorized many meanings of flowers. He always thought flowers were beautiful. He loved the fact that each of them had their on individual meaning and significance. But pink carnations, they symbolized “ I’ll never forget you “. Jaemin couldn’t stop freaking out. His hands had begun to uncontrollably shake once he realized what was happening. Hanahaki disease. Fucking hanahaki disease. He hoped this wasn’t it. He really hoped. He tried to pick up his phone and look up what was happening. And damnit , it fucking was hanahaki disease. A disease where a person falls in deep love with someone but the person that their inlove with doesn’t return their feelings so they start throwing up the petals of the favorite flower of the person their inlove with. And if they end up never returning the feelings , you die. A flower will form in your throat causing the thorns to kill you. But there is always chance that they might love you back , a very small chance. And he was throwing up pink carnations. How fucking relevant.

Jaemin quickly realized that if he didn’t clean up the bathroom quick and go back to the living room , they are all going to start worrying. But he knew he couldn’t stay. It hadn’t fully hit him that he was going to possibly die soon , but he was aware and there was no way in hell way he going to go back there and quicken the process. He quickly ran out the door to the living room and attempted to give some shitty ass excuse to get the hell out of there before something bad happens.

“ Hey guys , I just don’t feel well. I think I am just going to go home and get some rest “ , He said apologetically. “ Oh bye Jaemin! I love you “ you said smiling. That hurt. It hurt so much but he bottled it all up. “ Yea we love you! Get home safe “ , Jeno said waving bye with the other boys. That hurt worse.

Why was the world so unfair to Jaemin ? Why was the world such a shitty and unfortunate place ? And why did Jaemin have to live on a time limit ? Jaemin couldn’t do this. Three years of his life he has spent liking you and now he finds out he is going to die because of it ? How much more shitty could life possibly get ?

The sky wasn’t completely dark. There was enough light to take photos. Photography was his forever safety. He grabbed his camera and took pictures of every beautiful thing he could find. But you were the most beautiful thing of all. Yet he couldn’t obtain you. He could only imagine you both in an alternative universe.

He suddenly remembered all the photos he took of you on this camera when you both hung out. He sighed , “ What am I going to do “.

Jaemin didn’t even realize then , life could get even more shitty than it already was.

four.

A month had passed. All weekend long , Jaemin was restless. At this point , he could say he was officially sleep deprived. His mind was filled with you. Of all things it had to be you , always. But Jaemin knew it was not the same for you. He could see the platonic love you held for him in your eyes.

Jaemin was dreading Monday. School in general felt like a waste of time , but you being there made the petals in his throat grow.

Throughout the weekend he realized how the petals gradually got worse. On Saturday you had asked him to facetime you so he could help you pick out an outfit for dinner with your family. Of course Jaemin agreed but seeing you look so effortlessly beautiful just increased the pain in his chest. But by Sunday it was not as painful. He spent the whole day off of his phone trying to avoid you. But Monday rolled around and he was not prepared. When was he ever ?

“ Jaemin wake up you have school in 30 minutes! “ , his mom yelled across the house. “ I’m getting dressed mom “ , he yelled back. He quickly threw on a simple and comfy outfit. He ran to the kitchen , grabbing a quick breakfast then headed straight to his vehicle to get to school. The whole way there he could feel his phone vibrating with messages which he assumed were from the group chat.

After he arrived at school he took out his phone and read the messages.

y/n 🌺 : hey !! do you guys want to go for boba later this week ??

ducky : yes madam 😏⁉️

markie mark : YES ?? OFC ?? 🙃

He turned off his phone , finding the conversation irrelevant in the moment , and headed to his first class , algebra. Jaemin wasn’t as fond of math as he was of other subjects. It quite frankly frustrated him. He never seemed to guess the answers correctly , though he was thankful to be passing the class ( thanks to Chenle’s help of course ). Jaemin was fond of art. Primarily because photography was incorporated into art and he was able to portray his talent in there. He counted down the class periods he had up until art class. 2. Two more classes left until art.

When English and History had passed , he made his way to the art classroom . During the day , he managed to speak to you and the other guys a little but he seemed off to them. But Jaemin was not the type to give in even if people keep on bothering him with questions, so they gave up. But Renjun was slowly catching on to something. Why would he ever let this odd behavior be unattended to ? This is his best friend after all , but he didn’t want to bother so quickly yet.

Jaemin loved and hate art class in this moment. The pros were that he got to pursue something he loves and be transparently himself. But the main con was , you shared this class together.

“ Hey Jaemin! “ , you said happily. “ Oh hi Y/N “ , he said nervously. You frowned at his sudden awkward behavior but let it go when the teacher walked in.

He could feel a petal threatening to be coughed up but it took all his power stored in his body to shoved it back down.

“ Good after noon class! Today I have assigned you all with a task. This project is due within 2 weeks time. Last month , if you remember , you all took a vote on what your next big project will be based around. The results were photography! I discussed with some of my colleagues that are photographers what would be best to have this project be on. We decided each of you will be assigned a partner. You and your partner will be give a specific theme. This will count as an exam grade , Understood ? “ , she concluded and everyone nodded. Jaemin was beyond happy to be given such a project.

Mrs. Choi , the art teacher , was going around the class calling out who was paired with who and what their theme was. She gradually made her way to you snd Jaemin’s seat , you both so happened to sit right beside each other. How ironic.

“ I have decided to pair you to together for this project. You both seem to work together very well and accomplish tasks extremely well. Your theme is beauty found within each other. I suggest finding a landscape which best suits you both individually as that can help you find what beauty is stored within you. Try your best to portray what you both think is beautiful in each other while incorporating a landscape which suits you both! “ , she said. “ Good luck!”

Funny thing is , Jaemin had already made a mental note a long time ago of every thing about you that was beautiful. He already knew what best suited you. He could name everything about you and tell you how it was so incredible to him.

Could you do the same ? Jaemin had already been aware of the answer to that question since he became aware of his own feelings towards you. His thoughts were so incredibly crowded that the only thing that broke his inner voice was the petals that were about to arise because of the overwhelming feeling of love for you pumping throughout his chest.

“ I’m going to go to the bathroom right quick. “ , he said. You only nodded , watching him rush out of the classroom quickly.

He tried his best to maneuver through the halls as fast as he could without drawing any attention. Luckily , when he reached the bathroom , no one besides him was present. He began throwing up the petals that were grown inside of his chest. He hated this life.

Jaemin had already walked back to the classroom after five minutes. Only a few minutes after arriving to the classroom , the lunch bell had rang.

“ Hey , Jaemin just text me when you are free next week so we start on this project , okay ? I am so excited ! “ , you announced.

Jaemin didn’t go to lunch. Instead he sat in the bathroom waiting for the last bell to ring.

Thursday had came around the corner fast. You had been blowing up his phone with messages for him not to miss the gathering at the local boba shop or he would ‘ get the boot ‘.

Jaemin quickly grabbed his grey hoodie you bought him , how ironic again , and headed out the door.

Upon arriving at the boba shop , he couldn’t help but notice through the clear glass window how you and Jeno were so close , flirting even. His heart ached even more but he pushed it aside and decided to put on a mask and walk in.

“ Oh Jaemin ! You are here , finally. “ , Jeno said hugging Jaemin. “ Yeah sorry I am a little late. My mom needed help with some yard work “ , he said. lie. Jaemin was extremely hesitant about coming. Why would he want to ? It hurt too much , but he did it for you.

One hour had passed and all Jaemin did was here Marks stupid jokes and about how Donghyuck had “ accidentally “ thrown Jisung’s ipad into a wishing well one summer vacation. And oh , let’s not forget you laughing at Jeno’s horrible jokes. They weren’t even that funny , he thought.

And then he saw it. He heard Jeno whisper , “ If you kiss me on the cheek , I will buy you some more boba!! “ , to you , while smiling. And then you had kissed him on the cheek.

It was immature for Jaemin to feel upset , but he justified his emotions by the fact he felt a petal about to come out. He again , like always , motioned that he was going to the bathroom.

And again there was a petal from a pink carnation. How fucking nice. Needless to say , Jaemin got out of there with an excuse before he could near his death more.

He didn’t bother showing up for the weekly Friday movie night. But no one asked questions. He felt alone , yet again. But who could he tell his tragic ending to ? It only felt as if it would make worse of his situation.

About a week passed and it was Wednesday. About this time last week you had arranged for you and Jaemin to meet up and the park at around 4pm for this art project. You both were equally excited , maybe Jaemin even more. He just couldn’t express it.

By the time he arrived , he saw you were already there , playing with the ducks. He took this opportunity to capture a picture of you in this moment. You were so beautiful , he thought.

Once you felt a presence behind you , you turned around but softened your gaze once your recognized it was him.

“ Oh hi! Are you ready to start ? “ , you asked.

“ Oh yeah of course ! While you were playing with the ducks , I took a photo of you. It fits you. Maybe we could use it ? “ , he shyly said.

“ Let me see Nana! “ , you said excitedly. His heart was about to fucking burst. “ Oh okay here “ , he showed his camera your way.

“ It’s so good ? You truly have a way with cameras. Okay now take some more of me over here by the pond! “ , you stated. He aimed his camera at you , clicking the button. You were perfect.

“ Nana let me take some of you! “ , you said , reaching out your hands to grab the camera. “ Okay “ , he replied while walking to a tree and posing. click. You smiled at the photos you had taken while handing him the camera back.

Two hours had passed and he could feel that this was about to come to an end today , just not in the way he had anticipated.

Your phone had started ringing and he could see a certain realization had hit you. You quickly picked it up and hung about after about a minute.

“ Oh that was Jeno. He called me to remind me of our date tonight. I am really excited! But unfortunately I need to head home to get ready. Good night ! Don’t forget to send me those pictures of you for the project ! Bye bye , Love you Nana “ , you said apologizing while waving bye. He couldn’t make out words. He was caught off guard. He zoned out for a second and then realized you were gone.

All these emotions had hit him. He didn’t know how to process. You were going out with Jeno. Not Jaemin , Jeno. Fucking Jeno. Why him ?

Jaemin felt everything crash down. He couldn’t breathe probably. Petals were threatening to come out and he couldn’t help but hide behind a tree in the dark while letting them come out. He was so hopeless. He had no idea how much he had left. Why was the world so cruel to Jaemin ? What had he done to deserve such a fate ? Why suddenly did he have to live on a time limit ? He thought again it couldn’t get worse.

Yet he was always proved wrong at this thought.

Out of nowhere , Renjun appeared and said , “ Jaemin ? Is that you ? Are you okay ? “.

In fact it got worse. He was fucked, big time.

[sazc94]

Pietro and Bunny

HELLO

Here is my second entry for the wonderful @msmarvelwrites 2k Challenge.

This a spin-off from my Bucky fic: The three times Bucky broke your heart. Part 1 linked Here.

It follows the same timeline and explores the relationship of Pietro and Reader (Bunny) More.

Words 6034

Themes. Angst, Suggestions of smut. But mostly lots and lots of fluff. 18+ Because of the smut suggestions.

This has two parts and I will upload part 2 tomorrow.

𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰, 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲?"

Pietro thought you were pretty cool. He thought you and Bucky made a great couple. He enjoyed hanging out with you when you would all hang out as a group. Pietro wasn’t one for girlfriends. Sure he’d had a few semi-serious flings and would occasionally bring a date to the parties after a game and loved how you would instantly make anyone feel welcome. He couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment he started to think of you as more than a friend. It was sometime during his senior year.

At first, he pushed the idea out of his head. You were Bucky’s girl Y/N! You were the cute shy girl Bucky had brought out of her shell, who was still deep down that adorable musical theatre-loving dork. However, when Bucky started getting defensive around him and Sam about who he was texting, Pietro stopped feeling so bad about liking you of course Pietro would never do anything to jeopardize your relationship with Bucky and his friendships with either of you, but he couldn’t help but feel a tang of jealousy towards Bucky.

2010

“Look at Bucky, can’t go 5 minutes without texting his little cheerleader,” Sam said walking up behind Pietro. Bucky was too engrossed in his phone to pay any attention to the pair of them. Pietro smirked.

“Sam, watch this” Pietro said, before breezing over to Bucky and pulling his phone out of his hands. Bucky instantly shot up trying to grab the phone from Pietro, however, he was too quick throwing the phone to Sam.

“Dear Doll, I love you so much and all thought I only saw you this morning, I am already missing you” Pietro sang in a teasing manner.

“Come on guy’s give it back” Bucky grunted. Sam and Pietro kept throwing the phone between them. Suddenly Sam stopped laughing.

“Hey Buck, who’s Nat and why is she asking if you’re going to be around this summer?” Sam asked his eyebrow shooting up. Bucky’s façade faltered for a second. His usual bright blue eyes deepening with an unfamiliar expression. Pietro’s interest was also piqued, he may have wanted you for himself but that didn’t mean he wanted to see you get hurt.

“Oh, she’s just a friend of Jane’s. I met her at that party after our game in Green Bay last year she’s a cheerleader like Jane and Y/N. Natasha and her boyfriend Clint will be in town the summer and she wants to introduce us apparently her boyfriend was impressed with how we played” Bucky said, shrugging it off like it was no big deal. After that incident, Bucky was on his phone around the football team less and started talking about how much he loved you and couldn’t wait to spend some quality time with you in the summer.

November 2011

By the time graduation rolled around Pietro had put any thoughts about the pair of you out of his mind, chalking it up to wanting a relationship as opposed to you. At least that’s what he kept telling himself. You came along to his graduation ceremony. Well, it was for everyone. Pietro, Sam, Wanda, Jane, and Carol. Bucky came along too. Late. But you were there with Peter Parker who was a freshman, he had talent, but he seemed to prefer being behind a camera as opposed to on the field.

The whole gang hung around the field and bleachers after the ceremony. Goofing off and enjoying the last time the group would all be together like this for a while. Peter took photos of you all. Pietro’s favourite was one where he and Sam had picked you up whilst you were in the middle of talking to Carol and Wanda. The laughter that came out of your mouth as you squealed and shouted for the two footballers to put you down made his heart flutter.

Okay so maybe he wasn’t as over you as he told himself he was. Now he could understand what that Taylor Swift was banging on about in that song of hers.

Have you ever thought just maybe?

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Bucky’s girl,” he said grinning at you. For some stupid reason, probably because Pietro didn’t know what to do with his hands, he ruffled your hair like you were 5 again. He couldn’t help but notice you wince at the old pet name. He mentally kicked himself. Why had he called you that?!

Graduation was the last time he saw you for over a year. Unlike Bucky, Pietro had actually been away at a football camp when Bucky had cheated on you. He didn’t know what had happened. Only knew you two had broken up. Wanda was fiercely protective of her friendship with you and didn’t want to betray you by admitting to those that didn’t know that Bucky had cheated on you. He wasn’t going to lie; he was saddened when you didn’t stay in touch with him after he graduated. But after he started his first year at the University of Michigan, he didn’t have much time to worry about it. He was a Line Backer having secured a football scholarship after college scouts came to see Sam and a few others play, Pietro had caught the eye of the scout from the University of Michigan, all though he was a great player, Pietro didn’t want to play professionally like many of the guys on the team. He was studying Business and Economics.

Since about the age of 15, he and Wanda had always planned on going into business together. Between parties, flirting with the pretty cheerleaders and sorority girls and his studies you became a distant memory to Pietro. That was until one November game in his second year.

The Wolverines were playing the Wisconsin Badgers. Boy did they suck. Not that Pietro minded it allowed him the opportunity to watch the cheerleaders, he knew a few of the girls on the team from various parties, he hadn’t paid much attention to the new girls on the squad. Then out of the corner of his eye, he spotted someone who looked familiar to him. Could it be Y/N? Wanda had mentioned something about you getting a scholarship at Uni for your cheerleading, but he’d been in the middle of a game of Mario Kart with Sam at the time.

He tried to rack his brain’s but then the ball came towards him. He smiled to himself. Showtime Pietro. The game was an easy win. Whilst his teammates cheered Pietro made his way to the side-lines, desperate to know if the girl he’d seen earlier was you. His heart skipped a beat when he heard your familiar laugh. He couldn’t believe it. Pietro came jogging up towards you determined to chat.

“It’s just Y/N” or you can call me cutie you said winking at Pietro, he chuckled.

“How about I just call you tomorrow?” he retorted, you felt yourself blush. Pietro may come across as confident but inside he was shaking with nerves. Was he really doing this? What if you said no? You shrugged before pulling out a sharpie from your bag, you wrote down your number on his arm. He cocked his head puzzled.

“I changed it last year after Bucky wouldn’t stop blowing it up with apology texts,” you said simply wrongly presuming Pietro knew what had gone down. Before Pietro could respond you ran off to join the rest of your squad and headed for the changing room. He couldn’t help but smile to himself as your laughter rang in his ears whilst you walked off the pitch.

“Pietro! What’s good? How’d your game go tonight?” Sam asked. He sounded buzzed and Pietro could hear the faint sounds of a party in the background. Excellent he thought to himself. Sam was buzzed enough to have loose lips but not drunk enough to be of no use and if he was lucky Sam might not even remember half the conversation.

Pietro got back to his apartment, he had zero clues about what had gone on with you and Bucky. It was obvious due to your remark about him blowing up your phone with apology texts that he’d done something. He weighed up his options. Wanda or Sam? Wanda was his twin, and he knew deep down if he pulled the twin card she would tell him, but then if nothing came of this, he would be opening a can of worms with his sister over nothing.

Then there was Sam, he was still pretty close with Bucky and liked to chat a lot. But ultimately, he was like a brother to Pietro, and he trusted Sam to keep his mouth shut. Taking a deep breath and raking his hand through his Silver-blonde hair he picked up his phone and dialled Sam.

“So Sam you’ll never guess who I ran into cheering on the side-lines of the game!?” Pietro tried to sound breezy and cool like it was no big deal, despite the fact he was about to ask his friends ex out on a date.

“ I ran into Y/N. You know Bucky’s girl?” Pietro carried on forcing his voice to sound light. Sam choked on his drink down the other end of the line.

“I wouldn’t let her hear you call her that. That boy broke her damn heart, the fool” Sam said, there was an edge to his voice that Pietro almost missed.

“Wait, what do you mean?” Pietro asked genuinely curious.

“Well remember that little party your sister threw that last week of summer whilst you were away at football camp with some of your new teammates?” Sam asked. He didn’t wait for Pietro to respond before he continued.

“Well, Jane brought her friend Nat along” Sam continued. Pietro took a sharp intake of breath. No, Bucky wouldn’t have been stupid enough to kiss her at a party with your mutual friends, would he?

“Well turns out that Clint guy Bucky talked about wasn’t her boyfriend he was just a really good friend. But by the time we found that out Jane realised both Bucky and this Nat chick hadn’t been seen for at least a good 15, 20 minutes. So, she went to go find Nat. Only to walk in on them fucking. Oh yeah, it was on your bed bro”, Sam finished his story like it was no big deal. Other than the telling disdain in his voice.

Pietro stood stunned. No wonder you had winced at the use of your old nickname. Pietro’s heart broke for you at that moment. He vowed at that moment that no matter what happened between you both, he would do everything in his power to ensure you never had to feel heartbreak like that again.

Pietro will never forget that first date with you. He had come up with some lame excuse of showing you the best-hidden beauty spots of the campus. Not that there were any, he just wanted an excuse to spend some time with you. He wore jeans and a jumper with his beat-up converse.

All though it didn’t look like he had put much effort into his outfit he had spent a good hour agonising over it. In the end, he settled for a faded blue jumper hoping it would make his eyes and hair pop. He met you by the school library and the sun was shining, it was still a chilly November mid-morning.

You had turned up with your hair tied up in a messy bun a few stray pieces framing your cheeks, you had opted for a sweater dress. He remembered because it was loose and comfy but sinched inwards in all the right places. It was a silvery colour almost the same shade his hair was. Pietro swore you took his breath away.

Winter Break 2011

“And that right there is where the fraternity pledges had to stand and sing, I’m a little teapot every time someone put 10$ in the bucket. I didn’t truly understand the strange British Nursery Song or whatever it was, but I did like watching the pledges get embarrassed every time they had to sing when the cute cheerleaders walked past. So, I put 40 Bucks in the bucket when I knew the 3rd Years would be heading to practise” Pietro said pointing to the school statue.

You had nearly fallen over laughing at his story. Pietro noticed how you scrunched your nose up when you laughed. Like a rabbit. No like a Bunny. When Pietro walked you back to your dorm, he wasn’t sure if he was going to kiss you, but when you let him hold your hand, he decided at that moment he would regret it more if he didn’t take the plunge.

The moment he knew he was yours and you were his was at a party, he’d taken you on lots of hot chocolate dates, he knew you didn’t like coffee because it tasted bitter to you and that coca was nice, but you preferred the sweet comfort of a creamy hot chocolate.

It was at a party being held by the Ice Hockey team to celebrate their latest string of wins. You didn’t come to parties often preferring the comfort of a book and a cosy night in, but you always tried to attend parties after the football matches. You walked in wearing a red top and black skinny jeans.

The top wasn’t super low cut, but it hinted at your cleavage, you’d left your hair down for a change in loose curls. You’d recently gotten your hair dyed a deep chocolate brown and it brought out your eyes. Pietro nearly lost his damn mind when his Ice-blue eyes met your chocolate brown eyes after he’d drank all of you in. He excused himself from the conversation he was having with Scott Summers and co making his way over to you.

“Bunny, you look good enough to eat,” Pietro said dipping his head down to meet your lips, your lips were always so warm and welcoming a stark comparison to his cool lips.

“Bunny?” You replied scrunching your nose up. This was the first time Pietro had called you a pet name, you felt your heart somersault.

Pietro was messaging his sister on the drive home. He could tell you had something on your mind, but he knew better than to push you.

“So,” you began.

“What’s up Bunny?” Pietro asked snapping his eyes up from his phone.

“Well, I just thought now might be a good time to talk, we’re clearly going to run into a lot of our old friends, and there’s no way Wanda won’t know something is going on here, and I, I saw your lock screen,” you said. Well yeah Pietro thought, was he meant to be keeping you guys a secret? He didn’t want to, and he had just assumed you were a couple. You did couple type things, watching movies together curled up, holding hands when you guys were out together.

“So you were wondering what we are?” Pietro’s couldn’t hide the amusement in his voice. God, you were adorable. He watched your demeanour change and felt a pang of guilt, the determination in your eyes as you tried to not show that you felt embarrassed.

“Hey Bunny, look at me” Pietro grabbed your hand, wanting you to know how much he truly meant the next few words.

“We are a couple. I’m sorry you felt the need to ask, but I adore you, so we are a thing,” he said stroking circles on the back of your hand. You smiled and nodded to yourself. Pietro held on to your hand stroking circles the rest of the traffic. He couldn’t wait to tell Wanda she was wrong about him never getting serious with anyone.

“Hey Wanda, have you got a second?” Pietro and Wanda were heading out to meet up with you and the rest of the old school gang who had made it home for the Winter Break in the local coffee shop.

“Sure brother, what’s up?” she asked shrugging on her red jacket and lacing up her boots.

“So, you know that girl I told you I was seeing?” Pietro asked, you two hadn’t said if you were going to tell people or just let them figure it out, but he at least wanted to give his twin a heads up. Wanda straightened her brown hair falling behind her ears. She impatiently cocked an eyebrow waiting for her twin to continue. They were going to be late at this rate.

“Well, you know her. In Fact, you’re good friends” Pietro continued sucking in his breath.

“If you mean to tell me you’re dating Y/N, I already know brother”, Pietro froze. “I’m happy for you, but if you break her heart like that James did, I will not hesitate to kill you and hide the body” she continued.

“How did you know?” Pietro couldn’t help but ask, you guys hadn’t been a secret, but you hadn’t exactly announced it to the world either.

“I’m good at reading people Pietro” Wanda shrugged before heading out the door.

“You sly dog,” Sam said chuckling. Just then Peter turned up. Sam’s comment hadn’t escaped you, so you simply shot Pietro a quizzical look, one of your eyebrows arched. Pietro gently shook his head. He’d tell you about the phone call later.

It was great hanging out with the old gang, shame about Carol, and Jane being unable to make it back. Bucky was dating that Natasha chick and hadn’t come home from the holidays. Evidently, this wasn’t a surprise to Sam or Wanda. Pietro however was a bit taken back. That was until he heard how his sister had almost killed Bucky when she had run into him last summer. Carol had had to restrain her. Pietro couldn’t lie he was kind of bummed to miss it.

Pietro and Wanda didn’t celebrate Christmas, but they did celebrate being around people they loved and as the four of you sat around waiting for Peter Parker to make an appearance, he couldn’t help but feel his heart swell. You hadn’t even reacted to the mentions of Bucky. The way your brown eyes lit up when you teased Sam about his poor season or crinkled your nose when Wanda complimented your new hair, made Pietro come completely undone. Not being able to restrain himself anymore he leant in and kissed you, a slow soft kiss. The taste of your gingerbread cookie and peppermint hot chocolate lingering on your lips. When Pietro pulled away, he shot Sam a wink, and you promptly turned crimson. Sam just sat there gawking. Pietro watched as Sam tried to piece together his hazy memory from that phone call.

2012

Pietro absolutely adored the photo you had gotten him for Christmas, displaying it on his bedside table proudly. He had brought you a stuffed bunny for Christmas, cheesy but it made you beam at him.

“A Bunny for my Bunny” Pietro said shooting you his signature grin. Your heart constricted; it was an adorable soft fluffy powder blue bunny.

After winter break things got crazy busy. The year also seemed to rush by, between keeping on top, your rehearsals for the play. Pietro’s football practises, football matches, nationals for your cheerleading competition. It felt like you had barely any time to breathe. Pietro always looked forward to football games, not because he loved playing which he did, no it was because when you were cheering your face lit up, you always had his number painted on your cheek. Your brown hair always pulled up in a high ponytail, accentuating your big beautiful brown eyes that always looked for Pietro’s ice-blue eyes on the field. Mostly he loved the looks of jealousy he would get from the other team when players would be checking you out. Pietro would always come over for a kiss for good luck when he wasn’t on the field. You always giggled about how Mr cool; the confident cocky big-time football player was such a dork around you. Pietro was fast, sometimes your eyes couldn’t quite make out his movements, all you would see was a flash of his silver-blonde hair that peeked out under his helmet. You had started calling him Quicksilver, originally as a joke but it had stuck.

“So, move in with me for the summer,” he had said, his heart pounding in his chest. It wasn’t a big deal really but the thought of waking up to you every day for the summer made him practically giddy. Pietro continued to stroke circles on your bare legs. He was watching Grease, but he wasn’t absorbing what was being said.

Pietro loved every single second he got to spend with you, but mostly he loved the summer. College football season had finished, school was winding down and it meant he got to sit in those quiet moments with you. Pietro had no plans to go home for the Summer.

Pietro adored you more than he was willing to admit, hell he loved you which is why he was always never going to push you for anything more than you were comfortable with. He was content just kissing you, steamy make-out sessions. He just liked being close to you breathing in your scent, in the winter you always smelt like Vanilla and crushed Rose Petals. In the summer you changed your body spray, and he hadn’t quite been able to pinpoint the smell, but you smelt like Peaches, sunscreen, and sunshine. Okay, maybe not sunshine but he felt the warmth of your presence every time you were together. Pietro knew you were stressing about summer accommodation so he couldn’t help but offer up his place.

“Okay, I’ll move in for the summer,” you said. You picked up the remote and pressed pause on the DVD Pietro had been so focused on trying to play it cool he hadn’t even heard you the first time you spoke. When you started undressing, Pietro didn’t know where to look. Sure, you’d spent nights together, but Pietro always left you to get changed in his room whilst he went to brush his teeth. His eyes couldn’t help but wander over your body as you walked into your bedroom. Pietro inwardly groaned and felt himself harden. Trying to take his mind off what he had just witnessed he pulled out his phone. That’s when you appeared in the door frame, wearing nothing but his football jersey, when it lifted to show the skin of your bare stomach Pietro nearly lost his damn mind.

“Well, are you coming or not handsome?” Pietro grinned throwing his phone on the sofa and closing the gap between you in seconds, picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder. Pietro was certain that if he didn’t get his way with you right that second, he would combust.

Winter Break 2012

“You love her, don’t you?” Wanda asked Pietro. You were finishing up tech rehearsals, so Wanda and Pietro were enjoying some sibling bonding by cooking Paprikash. Wanda’s eyes narrowed at Pietro who was avoiding eye contact with his sister. He could feel his sisters warm blue eyes boring into him. Eventually, Pietro stopped washing up and turned to face his sister. Wiping his hands on a tea towel he finally lifted his eyes to meet Wanda’s.

“Yes, of course, I do but that’s not a secret, so what are you actually asking Wanda?” Pietro raked a hand through his silver-blonde hair.

“It's obvious you two love each other Pietro, dearly. But you’re in love with her, you would hang the stars for that girl, and when are you going to admit it? You visibly had a thing for her back in high school and you have healed the damage done by James Barnes. So why don’t you let your guard down and tell her how you truly feel?” Wanda asked. Pietro stood there dumbfounded. Had it genuinely been that obvious to people he had liked you back in high school when you were Bucky’s girl? As if reading Pietro’s mind Wanda answered his question.

“You may have fooled everyone else Pietro, but not me” Wanda returned to her cooking and that was the last of the conversation.

“Are you sure your mum doesn’t mind me staying with you guys for winter break?” you asked twiddling your hair nervously. Pietro chuckled lifting your small suitcase into his car.

“Come on then quicksilver, let’s get going before the traffic builds up,” you said shooting him a grin your worries disappearing.

“Yes Bunny, she wouldn’t hear of you staying here alone. Besides, Wanda would rip my arms off if I even thought about coming home without you” he said pressing a kiss to your temple. Pietro had refused to let you drive saying it was his turn as you had driven last year. You still looked unsure tugging at the selves of your red jumper dress as you walked round to the front of his car. Your brown hair fell in loose waves, still slightly damp from your last-minute shower.

Pietro sensed something else was bothering you but didn’t push it. Instead, he hopped up on the bonnet of his car and pulled you between his legs. Pressing his forehead to yours, he uttered a silent promise that his mum would love you and that that the rest of the old gang would be happy for you both like they had all sworn they were. You looked up at him through your big doe eyes and pecked a gentle kiss on his nose.

“So, who did you say was coming tonight again?” you asked. You were standing in Wanda’s room whilst you both got ready for the small hang out Pietro and Wanda were hosting. Pietro had gone out to pick up Sam and Peter Parker and this girl he was bringing, Gwen. Pietro of course had been right about his mum loving you, you’d spent the last four days feeling welcome, included and at home. Wanda and Pietro’s mum had enveloped you into a big hug the moment she met you.

“Sam, Jane, Peter and his girlfriend Gwen. Carol’s coming, I think she said she was bringing her girlfriend. Now put this on” Wanda said handing you a low cut, slim-fitting black sweater dress. You rolled your eyes at Wanda; you were quite happy wearing one of Pietro’s oversized sweaters and your jeans, but you knew better than to argue with her. Just then you heard the door shut.

“It will be great to have so many of the old group back together,” Sam said shrugging off his jacket as he followed Pietro down to the converted basement.

“How are things between you and Y/N?” Sam asked.

“Sam, they’re pretty amazing,” Pietro said, a slight blush forming in his cheeks.

“Okay, that’s good to hear. Did you know Bucky’s in town for the holidays? I text him saying he should come along tonight; I hope that’s okay?” Sam asked. Pietro shrugged, he hadn’t spoken to Bucky since Bucky’s graduation and even then, that had been by phone. It wasn’t that Pietro actively avoided speaking with Bucky, it’s just that Pietro didn’t have anything to say to Bucky.

The pair of you had spoken in great detail about everything that went down between Bucky and yourself last year after winter break, and Pietro could see you still carried the scars from what he had done to when he cheated on yourself. Just then Wanda and you made your way downstairs into the basement. Pietro felt himself harden when he got a good look at what you were wearing. It was going to be a long night whilst Pietro thought the urge to take you upstairs and fuck you senseless. As if reading her brothers thoughts Wanda smirked to herself, a job well done, maybe now her brother would grow some balls and finally tell you exactly how he felt.

“Bunny, you look. Just wow” Pietro said. Sam rolled his eyes, you giggled before walking over to give Pietro a gentle kiss on the lips. You wrapped your arms around him hugging him close before you felt his hardened member. You cocked an eyebrow at him, but Pietro shook his head brushing your hair behind your ears before giving you another gentle kiss.

After about two hours, everyone had relaxed, caught up and were just chilling. Sam hadn’t heard from Bucky, so Pietro hadn’t thought anything more about it, no sense bringing it up to you if he didn’t show.

Sam had also gotten up nudging Pietro, swearing he would beat him next time. Pietro chuckled, that’s when Sam nudged him.

“You sly bastard Parker” Sam practically shouted. The three of them were playing Mario Kart whilst Taylor Swift played in the background, all though he’d never admit to anyone, including no, especially you. Taylor Swift had grown on him over the past year. Mostly because he loved the way you lit up when you sang along to her in the car.

Pietro was so engrossed in his game with the boys he barely registered you getting up off the sofa next to him. Whilst Sam had been busy yelling at Peter for using Banana peels, Pietro had overtaken Sam in the race. Once the game finished Pietro noticed you weren’t next to him. Feeling empty without you snuggled next to him he got up and stretched. He figured you were probably talking to the girls or something.

“Uh, Pietro, you might want to go save your girl from an awkward encounter with her ex” Sam looked pained. He was realising the error of his ways by inviting Bucky along. Pietro just shot him a puzzled look before following Sam’s line of sight. Pietro sucked a breath in.

“Sam, I swear to god if she ends up in tears tonight because of you, I will not hesitate to punch you in the face,” Pietro said before walking off to the fridge where you and Bucky stood.

“Yeah, schools fine thanks Bucky,” you said politely. Pietro’s heart was beating loudly in his chest, he had no concerns about how secure your relationship was, he just wanted to save you from any unnecessary heartbreak when it came to James “Bucky” Barnes.

December 2012 – August 2014

“Hey Bunny,” he said kissing the corner of your head before wrapping his arms around you.

“Hey Buck, long time no see!” Pietro said. Bucky stood frozen for a few seconds processing what he had just witnessed.

“Hey, Pietro Yeah. It's been a hot minute, so you two are a couple? You guys look cute congrats. Oh man, wow is that Peter over there? I barely recognise him I’m going to go say hey. Catch you guys later!” Bucky said practically running over to Peter. You turned around and kissed Pietro.

“Come on Quicksilver, let’s see if I can beat you at Mario Kart,” you said pulling him over to the sofa. Pietro instantly felt himself relax, glad to see that you hadn’t been impacted by Bucky’s sudden appearance. He grinned at you as he let you drag him behind you,

“What?” you said chuckling at his goofy grin.

“I’m just so fucking in love with you Y/N,” he said. Your heart skipped a few beats. Sure, you had both said I love you, but the way Pietro’s ice-blue eye’s shone at you, the way he had phrased it as being in love with you, made your heart squeeze, butterflies erupt in your stomach and all those other cliché metaphors.

“Pietro, I am going to rock you fucking world tonight, because I feel the exact same way”, you whispered in his ear. Pietro’s eyes bulged out of his head. He lent down and gave you a hungry kiss, sending electricity coursing through your body. When you finally broke free from the kiss Pietro, caught sight of Bucky glowering in the corner of the room ignoring whatever it was Peter was wittering on about.

Winter break came and went. Your second year at Uni whizzed past. Pietro even joined you and your family for your annual summer vacation in Miami, your grandparents were getting on a bit, so you decided to skip the summer production of Hairspray. Pietro joined you for two summers of family vacations in Miami. Your Grandma took a liking to him.

“Pietro, so good to see you again,” she said hugging him. “If I was 55 years younger”, she said shooting Pietro a wink. Pietro chuckled and stuck his tongue out at you.

“See I told you that she loved me the most out of all of you,” he said. You rolled your eyes. Pietro was right your grandma did have a soft spot for him. Who could blame her? Pietro was a true gentleman and his muscles stretched out any shirt he wore. His floppy silver-blonde hair and his goody grin. You were truly a lucky girl. He was going to break your grandma’s heart as much as yours when you two ended things this summer.

Saying goodbye to you was going to be one of the hardest things he ever had to do. The pair of you had spent the last week of summer in Florida with Wanda and her boyfriend James also known as Vision. Tomorrow you would both be getting on separate planes and going your separate ways. You were dancing around in the sea not a care in the world.

Pietro loved the way you were in the summer, the stresses of school melted away. You burned easily so your skin always had a very faint sun-kissed glow to it, but the way you were with your family. That was when you truly glowed. The way you blushed when your parents would talk about how proud they were of you. You were an only child, so your cousins were the closest thing to siblings you had.

And boy did your two male cousins pick on you. Teasing you about being smart, your relationship with Pietro. The way you would roll your eyes at them. Pietro’s heart squeezed with adoration when he watched you huddled in the kitchen with your grandma. Oblivious to the fact he was watching your brow would furrow in concentration as your grandma bossed you about in the kitchen whilst the pair of you cooked up some delicious treats.

“You know brother if you asked her to do long distance and wait for you, she would”, Wanda said sitting down next to Pietro. Wanda’s red hair almost looked like fire in the setting sun. Pietro sighed and shook his head.

“I know, but it’s not right or fair on her. She has plans of her own and we will be busy setting up your fashion label in NYC” he said, raking a hand through his hair.

“Besides, She's Cheer Captain, and I'm on the bleachers. She deserves to enjoy her last year, her heart is in Michigan, where her mum and dad are.” Pietro sighed. Just then you came bounding over. Your black bikini just about covering all it needed too. You plopped down on the blanket beside Pietro, your brown hair trying to escape its messy bun. You rested your head in Pietro’s lap. You giggled as he gently bopped your nose. Swallowing down the ache in your chest.

The pair of you stood wrapped in each other’s embrace at the airport, the rest of the world shut out. Pietro breathing in your familiar scent one last time. He didn’t need to hear you to know you were crying. It was taking everything in him not to cry too.

“Be good Bunny, don’t cause too much mischief with Loki and stay in touch. I love you my little Bunny” he said wiping the tears from your eyes. You couldn’t say anything, so you just held him tight and cried. When you finally broke the embrace and Pietro boarded. He wiped away the few tears that had escaped his eyes.

[julemmaes]

I don’t think I ever wanted something as much as I want acosf right now.

I also don’t think I ever NOT wanted something as much as I don't want acosf right now.

I’ve been in the SJM fandom for a while, Nessian always being my favourite ship (despite Nesta not always being my kind of person – I call that character development) and I read my fair amount of fan fictions and theories. And I don’t want this book, but I need it. And today was just the first on February and it felt like the time was going so fucking slow.

I woke up at eleven thinking about Nesta. Read a Nessian ff and wrote two sentence of my own Nessian fic. Had lunch thinking about Cassian and napped dreaming of him taking Nesta to fly over the mountains. I tried studying and ended up looking at their fanarts for hours cause I noticed yesterday I never really looked at them. I listened to the song I call theirs cause I need to know what they’re doing right now.

But I don’t want the book cause that’s all we’re gonna get. Forever.

I’ll be reading the fucking thing in two days at most, cause I know myself and I know I won’t be worrying about anything else on the 16th and I’ll feel so much. I can already see myself reading the first sentence and having to close the book cause I can’t take it and yet forcing myself to open it again and experience the pages, the words for the only time I’ll ever experience it for the first time.

I already know it’ll be the book I’ll read the most, again and again and again. I know if it isn’t utter shit, I’m gonna get something tattoed to honor these two characters.

But everytime my eyes will fall on a word, that same word will be taken away from me. I’ll never experience reading that sentence ever again. No matter what, I will never be able to read their first kiss, their kiss hug, their first time for the first time. No word will change.

And when I’ll close the book, bringing it to my chest to assimilate what I just read, as I always do, it’ll be the last time I can truly experience it.

Cause it doesn’t matter what I do, I will know.

I can restart the book, I can reopen and try to feel the same emotions. I can read through the whole thing again after years and I will remember exactly what’s gonna happen in the next page.

Cause it’s them. Because it’s Cassian and Nesta.

And every single word they will utter, every single breath they will take, every single emotion they will feel, will be so engraved into my bones that I will never be able to forget.

And I will want to forget so fucking bad. I already know this.

I will want to be able to reread the book without knowing anything about the plot. Cause even from the little we already got, I can tell how much these characters mean to me.

Sometimes I wish I could forget the way Cassian touches her lower back in the scene where Nesta and Feyre connect with the Cauldron. Sometimes I wish I could forget the looks they exchange every time they’re in the same room. Sometimes I wish I could forget Cassian’s rage, his sadness, on Solstice’s night. I wish I could forget Nesta’s pain.

I just wish I could forget so I would be able to feel every little spark, every small flicker of what we’re gonna get in acosf once again. So I could get to know them all over again.  

I’m so fucking scared of this book, not because I have high expectations, I actually forced myself to have none (and believe me when I tell you I would not complain if we got 700 pages of them just starring at each other). I’m scared of this book cause even those short scenes made me feel so fucking much. They made me feel things that I had only felt with Julian and Emma and maybe I’m also scared that Nessian could be better than them.

And topping Julian and Emma would mean that my already shattered heart would be taken from my ripped rib cage and held so fucking tight in Nessian’s hands I would probably die. I remember not breathing while reading the last book of TDA. I remember screaming underwater right after I read Emma had been stabbed. I remember refusing to read the end of LoS cause I knew, I knew.

And I’m feeling the same exact emotions right now and I’m scared.

I’m scared of a fucking block of paper.

My brain is oh so not ready for this book.

And I crave it as much as I fear it.

And I know it’s just a book, but it isn’t.

[darklovetrash]

My unpleasant experiences in the a song of ice and fire fanfiction community

Hello, my friends. On archive of our own, my name is DancingSnowflakes23. Back in 2018 I started posting fanfiction. My first story was a Jonerys fic, but eventually I ended up writing stories in which the Rhaegar x Lyanna ship featured and had some of  the most unpleasant encounters I ever had in a fandom.  That said, I am not even a L x R stan or shipper per se, but since many of my stories feature Jon they appear as well. I have written two stories to be exact where Lyanna or Rhaegar were alive beyond canon. One was called the Loyal Knight and it had Lyanna surviving and marrying Arthur Dayne, though she cared a lot for Rhaegar whom she grieved deeply. Several anonymous people came and were bombarding my fic with comments about how I am wrong and should get my facts straight despite writing an AU story. I do not mind discussion, but I was called a dipshit numerous times and I was hurt by this behaviour, which even went to far as to question my writing. i am not perfect, but I am writing fanfic with a lot of effort and if readers disagree with the premise of a story I expect them to move on and not harrass me further.  The second fic I wrote was called Beneath the Weirwood which was an AU of Rhaegar x Lyanna surviving and there it got even worse. I was called numerous unpleasant things (Like me being racist). Sadly, I don’t have the story anymore since I rewrote it and cannot provide you with these highly-intellectual comments about the some bullshit regarding R X L over and over again. There are literal people who scoure the R  x L tag to seek out pro- R x L stories to annoy and harass authors. I am a grown up person and I was hurt about their comments and should have probably just moderated, but back then I was new to fanfiction and was stupid enough to waste my time over this stuff, but then there are maybe younger writers who are brave enough to post their stories and then they have to endure this bullshit? I could understand if they just left the fandom. Yet, I am not the only one who got this treatment. There are numerous cases of this and usually its by anonymous commeters, who all sound the same way and always repeat the same silly arguments. There are some I remember: Armansky Something, KingofKings? Not sure anymore, Dublin, UnbentGlass and what connects them is their weird obessession with all things Ashara Dayne and Elia Martell. I am not posting this to start a war and I do not think the majority of Elia fans are like these weirdos, but mabe they like to know what kind of hatred some people spread in the name of their favourite character. I am honest, I always felt Elia Martell was a character who got fucked over and deserved more characterization, but I like many other writers do not write her, because such stories draw this people to the comment sections like flies to a fire. No one wants to engage with people like that and it soured my liking for the character which I doubt is the wish for Elia Fans. On the contrary, I think most of them want Elia to be liked and admired and not be assoicated with toxcity. And with the current developements in this tag I decided to post this to show that the R X L people are not crazy people who just want to appear as victims. I am no R x L shipper and got targeted. So, I dont know what the real R x L shippers would feel for being called racists, pedos and other stuff for liking a fictional pairing. What I hope this post achives is to expose these creeps and maybe have the Elia fans purge them from their community so we can all go back to a more friendly atmosphre. Wouldn’t that we wonderful? And here to give you some examples: And this stuff is harmless compared to what some other writers got. 

[mrspanky]

The Time We Lost: pt 1.

Jason Todd x Reader (female pov).

Content: Angst and language.

Readers note: Hi love, I hope you enjoy this! I had so much fun coming up with this story. Can’t wait to put out part two, because that’s when it really gets good. For the best experience listen some sad music while reading, I wrote this to the songs “Last Cigarette” by Ruby Waters, “What Are You So Afraid Of” by Videoclub, “All My Friends” by the Revivalists, “Ghost of Mine” by Kailee Morgue, and “I Didn’t See You Coming” by Fefe Dobson.

𓅫𓅫𓅫𓅫𓅫𓅫𓅫𓅫𓅫𓅫𓅫𓅫𓅫𓅫𓅫𓅫𓅫𓅫𓅫𓅫𓅫𓅫𓅫𓅫𓅫

It was freezing outside.

You hated asking for help but you broke a little when you stubbed your toe on the pavement and didn’t feel anything through your boot, only to take it off on a nearby doorstep and realize that your toe was broken.

Should’ve worn sturdier boots.

You pondered what to do, stranded on the step, fuming. You knew where you’d end up going you just hoped he wouldn’t be there.

You were in the heart of the city but you remembered the way to his apartment like the back of your hand.

It had been so long, but it felt just like yesterday as you looked around remembering the landmarks that would lead you to your destination.

“Fuck”, you muttered.

There was the coffee shop you two used to go to. Overwhelmed by emotional memories of bad days, and days that hadn’t been so bad, you started to panic. You looked in your wallet. $7.00 looked back at you pitifully.

“That’s enough for a coffee, and if I get a coffee it’ll keep me warm, AND give me enough mental power to think of a solution other than going back to his place”.

Your mind was made up. You walked in the direction of the coffee shop with stubborn resolve. As you entered the door, you bumped into a man.

“Sorry”. You mumbled.

You weren’t really sorry, you were actually quite annoyed, but you were too tired to get into an argument.

“No, my bad”, said the man. Your jaw tightened.

“Tim”, you thought.

You’d recognize his and all his brother’s voices anywhere.

“Well what the fuck do I do? Do I say something? No, I don’t want to talk. Wait, but he might.. know if.. he’s home”. You sighed, and turned around.

“Wait, Tim?” Tim turned around, looked at you, and raised his eyebrows in realization.

“...Y/n?”

••••

“Y/n not to be rude, but you look like shit”.

Tim slid a coffee across the table to you.

“What happened?” He looked concerned. You sighed.

“I’m fine. I was just in the area and I was taking a walk and forgot how cold it was. I left my jacket at home”.

“Which is where..?”

“...Not too far”.

He furrowed his brow.

“You have cement on your shoe and there’s only one street in Gotham getting redone right now. It’s in the middle of the city. Not close”.

He paused and glanced down.

“Also you were limping on your way over to the table just now”.

“Damn”. You thought.

You’d forgotten that it was annoyingly difficult to lie to Tim.

“You’re not ok, are you”. He leaned in.

“Y/n, why are you really going to see Jason?”

You stayed silent.

He looked at you closely, seeming to make up his mind.

He sighed, and got up out of his chair, grabbing your coffee cup.

“Come on”, he gently took your hand.

“Tim..I don’t-“

“-He’s not home right now.” Tim cut in.

He helped you up, and started for the door, then paused.

“Look, I get it. But me and a couple of the other’s are just crashing there right now for a mission. You probably won’t even see him, and you really look like shit. Let’s at least get you a bed for a couple nights”.

You tried to consider his offer.

You didn’t really have any other options.

“Let’s face it y/n”. You thought.

“Todd manor is probably at least a little warmer than the streets”.

Even thinking that name hurt you deeply, but you pushed it down.

“Alright”, you solemnly nodded your head and let him lead you out the door, a wave of anxiety washing over you about the impending painful memory rush you knew was coming.

•••••

The red front door.

You hadn’t seen this door in ages.

He had been so excited to walk through it the first time. You remembered it so well.

He had called you on a Friday afternoon as you were getting ready to suit up.

You had thought he would be calling about the mission you two were working on, but that hadn’t been the case, and you had been so glad for it.

You teased him mercilessly and he teased you right back: But you really enjoyed his company, and you got excited whenever he called, as much as you would deny it back then.

“Hey. I’ve got news”, his voice had solemnly announced over the phone.

“I’m king of my own castle now. I’m gonna call it Todd manor”.

“You got the apartment! Wow. Your very own manor. Time for you to adopt a million kids”. You could practically hear him smirking on the other end.

“Well do you want to see it or not? I’m at the front door right now. I sent you my new address.”

Images of you grabbing your motorcycle and riding over as fast as you could, rushed through your mind. You had pulled up to see him standing there, right where you stood now. You had sauntered up to him, teasingly.

“Ok bird boy, let’s see the new cardboard box”.

He’d looked so happy.

You gasped quietly.

“Tim I don’t know if I want to do this”.

He looked at you quietly.

“He’s not the same, but if you see him, he’s still…Jason. You of all people know how stubborn he is. Not even death could kill that...personality of his”.

He smiled with a twinge of sadness.

“He’s not gone anymore”.

You looked at him, with panic in your eyes.

“Come on. The others miss you.” He opened the door, and you both walked inside.

It was just like you remembered. So much so that it felt like a dream you’d had over the past years countless times, of life before Jason had died.

Tim ushered you forward into the kitchen space. You looked up hesitantly, steeling yourself for whatever your eyes would be greeted with.

Positioned around the kitchen were Dick, Wally, Damian, and Jaime.

You tried to hold down your emotions. You hadn’t let yourself feel how much you’d missed them fully until now.

“Hey guys”. You smiled a little.

“Y/n?”

Dick’s eyes widened in surprise.

Wally was characteristically swift to reach you. He raced over and stood at your side, putting his hand on your shoulder.

“How are you?”

A tear fell from your tired eyes.

“I’m ok”, you smiled softly.

“I missed you guys”.

Wally’s brows were furrowed with worry.

You realized that none of them had ever really seen you cry.

You tended to be too embarrassed and see it as a sign of weakness, but you were too exhausted to hold back right now.

“We missed you too”, Dick said as he walked over.

“Yeah”, said Jaime. “We haven’t been able to find you all this time, we’ve all been worried”.

“I’m fine,” you shrugged. “Just needed to be on my own after...after... you know. And I have been, and I’ve been ok I just got caught up a little I guess. No big deal.”

Tim met Dick’s eyes in silent communication.

The older brother pursed his lips together with recognition and resolve.

“Let’s get you some food”.

After you finished eating you trudged upstairs to shower. When you got the water going, you let the steaming water run down your hair. It felt so good after the freezing gotham streets you’d been experiencing the past week. You sighed. You couldn’t stay here long. Everything was a reminder of what your life had been like before Jason was murdered and you went off the deep end. You didn’t want to remember all the hope that you had had, and how naïve you’d been. For a while after he died, you had broken away from everyone for this exact reason.

You wrapped a towel around you, and examined yourself in the mirror, wiping away the steam so you could see your reflection clearly. Over the time that Jason had been gone, you felt like you’d changed completely. Your naturally y/h/c hair was now a shade of y/c/c, and your previously youthful face looked hardened. Not necessarily in a bad way, you just felt sharper. “Amazing”. You thought. Stress had given you a jawline. You laughed to yourself bitterly. You needed a vacation. Badly. This past year of fighting crime on your own and making somewhat questionable decisions had taken its toll on you. You slipped into the large white t-shirt Tim had lent you, dried your hair with the towel as best as you could, and walked to the room he’d told you that you could stay in.

The room was Jason’s, but he wasn’t home so it was empty right now. It was going to be extremely painful to be around his things for the first time again and you were a bit overwhelmed already, but like everything else today, you didn’t really have a better option. You felt like you were invading his privacy somehow even though you knew it was technically fine. “This is so fucked up”, you thought. You hadn’t even ever been brave enough to not mask your feelings for him with banter, and now you were staying in his room while he was away because you had been homeless for the past week. And you had been homeless all because you couldn’t pull your life together after he fucking died and you couldn’t save him. “I couldn’t save him. I couldn’t fucking save him”, you whispered to yourself, holding back more tears as you reached the door. You took a deep breath, wiped your eyes and opened it.

Cautiously, you looked down as you closed the door behind you, not ready to face everything yet. As you began to turn your eyes upwards, you heard a noise in the direction of where you remembered the window to be, from the tour Jason had given you so long ago. Your fighting reflexes kicked in on instinct and you raised your fists. A red helmeted man entered your line of vision as you stared at where the noise had come from. Your arms fell limp to your sides as you registered what you were seeing. Who you were seeing. “...Jason”, you whispered.

To be continued...