#wow I just wrote an entire essay for this

[noahtally-famous]

deets about the bridgwourtney wt au fic?

I'M GLAD YOU ASKED ANON

no but seriously, I got this ask last night, and I spent the entire day writing out a solid semi-layout of the idea, and I think it's finally (mostly) ready to be shared!!

alright here we go--presenting my braindump for this fic skeleton I thought up bc my girl Bridgette doesn’t get nearly as much love as I feel she should-

fyi: canon divergence stuff (obv 'cause this is an au lmao), and a looong post ahdfjf

kk so each individual girl has some sort of confusion relating to love. Courtney and Duncan are fresh out of a breakup (partly the reason why Duncan quit wt) and Courtney’s struggling to understand what went wrong between them, she ultimately assures herself that winning is more important than romance, but when she starts hanging out with Bridgette more again, some...feelings she had initially brushed off in tdi start to resurface. Bridgette, for her part, is mixed with her past feelings for Geoff (they broke up in tda but are still good friends though at times it’s still a little awkward--maybe some Geoff & Brody mentions??) and befuddled by Alejandro’s manipulation; after Yukon, in an effort to prove herself not susceptible for exploitation so incidents like Alejandro won’t happen again, she vows to be stronger and more like how she was in tdi--steady and levelheaded, not so reliant on romantic relationships--and Courtney encourages this and tries to help her--the two growing closer that way too. meanwhile, Gwen is torn between her growing feelings for Courtney this past season (and half of tda), and now that Bridgette’s interacting more with Courtney, by extension, Gwen hangs out with her too; which allows her to realize more just how the two had clicked previously in tdi, and that the way she feels around Bridgette may not be exactly the same for Courtney, but the overall concept is still the same--so feeling confused and frustrated, she forces herself to focus on emotions for someone that ‘makes sense’: Duncan. 

there you have it: a three-way tangle of chaos and repressed emotions, misunderstandings, and ‘is my heart broken?’ yet ironically, they also have their Soft Moments that only serve to make everything else more complicated for them.

starts off during ‘anything yukon do, i can do better’ where Bridgette gets stuck to a pole by Alejandro, the near-kiss, yada yada; but what’s different here is that when team amazon comes across Bridgette and after singing “stuck to a pole” Courtney insists on taking Bridgette along as well despite Bridgette being on a different team--giving a nod to Courtney and Bridgette’s close friendship from tdi--which the rest grudgingly agree at the prospect of an alliance. they reach the finish line, and instead of getting eliminated, Bridgette is told to switch from team victory to team amazon. 

Courtney and Bridgette get to talk more in-depth in economy class, with the former being more enthused abt the team switch while the latter is still a bit emotionally scrambled from the last challenge’s events. meanwhile, an intern who feels bad for Bridgette and is a fan of her, gives her a letter from Geoff who asks for the Alejandro explanation--despite their breaking up, he thought she had moved on way too quickly and insubstantially, and Bridgette finds herself explaining what had happened and sending it to Geoff using the same intern, and from then on, their letter-exchanging occurs throughout the season, and their friendship strengthens that way. she gets insight abt Geoff and Brody, as well as scrapbook photos that he sends to cheer her up; he'd get insight into her actual thoughts, not just the television portrayal of them. (bonus if the intern who helps her becomes a good acquaintance of hers too.)

the dynamics in team amazon is a bit shaky what with Heather and Courtney vying for team leader and shunting the other down to get to the top; Gwen, at this point, can't be bothered, she takes Courtney's side when she does intervene, but often, she'd only make things worse by snarking at heather. Cody and Sierra are no help, obviously, so that leaves Bridgette trying to play mediator while being the glue of the team. along with that, she holds uneasy tension with team chris bc of Alejandro mainly; Tyler and Owen and Izzy she doesn't mind, though a Noah and Bridgette friendship would be super interesting to delve into. with the hugging thing in Yukon, she initially assumes he has a crush on her, but he only rolls his eyes and says that she was just the closest available heat source and his only other options would have been Heather and DJ--the 'bitch' and the 'cursed guy'. he sardonically adds that he doesn't know how everyone would react if he cuddled a guy again, which is when Bridgette pieces together his sexuality and, as a bisexual or pansexual, she bonds over that, and Noah's pleasantly surprised. they become closer, after the merge, whenever either wins, they usually end up asking the other to come to first class with them, but everyone just knows they're nothing romantic going on (bc there's alenoah tension on the side and obv the bridgette/courtney/gwen deal). But they both basically help each other with their respective love issues, and support each other. It'll be funny bc Noah's more of a 'Tough Love' kinda guy with his sarcasm and his introverted side, but Bridgette is the opposite: she shows her affection for people openly bc she's got nothing to hide, and she's more of an extrovert.

also Bridgette still interacts here and there with team victory--I feel like team chris and team amazon get the spotlight, so I wanna see if I can shed some on team victory lmao

Thinking that Heather gets eliminated pre-merge or during “Greece’s Pieces”

it all comes to a head in "i see london" when Bridgette, Courtney, and Gwen track down the ripper and end up finding Duncan instead. Gwen gets snatched by the ripper, and while trying to nab Duncan, Bridgette and Courtney end up in a ~situation~ where they may or may not kiss (and nab Duncan in a single motion). Gwen witnesses this on the cameras, and her feelings for Courtney muddles--on one hand, she wants to hate Bridgette, but she knows that's not reasonable, and she just can't hate Bridgette. whenever Gwen thinks abt her, her heart pounds as quickly as it does around Courtney; she knows Bridgette is the nicest person ever, and she genuinely has fun and laughs around her. so with her mixed feelings between both girls and her feeling like she's being a 'two-timer' by feeling similar ways for them both, Gwen focuses on the ship that she's heard from Sierra that td fans think will get together: gwuncan. she gets this belief that if she kisses Duncan and dates him, she'll sincerely like him and every confusing feeling she's had for Bridgette and Courtney will go away, and she'll be able to hang out with them like usual. so she kisses Duncan who either kisses back out of surprise or doesn't--but in both situations, he already likes someone else who he was meeting in London when they'd nabbed him and he makes sure Gwen knows that so they're both 'dating' just for the public.

when Courtney hears of this, she still gets upset bc Duncan's her ex and she still considers it an act of betrayal for her best friend to kiss her ex after knowing how much Courtney had cried over him. Gwen stays quiet and accepts the onslaught of insults from her bc she thinks that Courtney being upset about her dating her ex is a better reprieve than Courtney being disgusted for Gwen liking her and Bridgette at once. Bridgette can see that Gwen is hiding smth so she tries to talk to her, but Gwen shuts her out and Bridgette is simultaneously hurt and confused bc Gwen’s normally so upfront with things.

Bridgette and Courtney agree to take things slow-but neither can deny that there's something...missing, though they just avoid that topic. during the london elimination, Owen gets eliminated via Alejandro as a ‘fuck you’ to Noah who’s now beyond pissed and ready to deliver one back when given the chance for eliminating his buddy. Sierra starts gushing abt bridgney and them being cute and how she thought ‘gwourtney would reign supreme’ and everyone’s confused as to wtf that means, while Gwen leaves the room to go to the confessional.

in the episode where Gwen gets eliminated, it's Sierra who gets the boot due to a dual alliance involving Cody (with Alejandro likely at the head) who's just ready to have Sierra gone lmao. oh and Duncan and Gwen breakup.

When Blaineley arrives, there’s a slight rivalry between her and Bridgette due to Geoff hosting the Aftermath and Blaineley ‘snatching’ the spot—though Bridgette doesn’t mind a whole lot, it’s just Blaineley’s personality that irks her, plus she's annoyed on behalf of Geoff.

in Niagara Falls, things are still as rocky between the three as they were before. Duncan and Courtney get picked; I haven’t quite decided what to do for Blaineley; but Chris pairs up Alejandro and Noah, and Bridgette and Gwen by saying that Noah’s a twig and couldn’t pick anyone up anyway—a flimsy excuse but we all know Chris is playing matchmaker lmao. Anyway, the two go across the tightrope, Gwen carrying Bridgette bc if it’s the other way around, they’d be dead already. It’s awkward, until finally Bridgette can’t take it and asks Gwen what’s her deal, then is horrified at how rude that came out and apologizes vehemently. Gwen interrupts her with a fondly exasperated eye roll and laugh, and it’s the first genuine laugh Bridgette has heard from her in a while so she’s struck dumb staring up at her in her arms like oh. Gwen says ‘it’s for the best’ and Bridgette’s like ‘bullshit. We’re all suffocating under this unresolved tension, including you. Now what’s WRONG?!’ and she catches Gwen glancing at Courtney ahead of them, and puts together that Gwen likes Courtney; she’s saddened by this and assumes it’s bc Gwen likes her gf and nothing more; being the nice person she is, she hints at Gwen that if that's what they both want, she’d set them up and she thinks Courtney likes her too. Surprisingly, Gwen looks horrified at the notion but they don’t get a chance to discuss it bc they reach the end and are in second place. Cody gets booted.

Things are relatively the same in China as canon. Bridgette doesn’t eat animals so she dips pretty quickly and catches on that Courtney is cheating for Alejandro. She wants to keep quiet for Courtney, but seeing Alejandro get ahead infuriates her, and she blurts out that they’re cheating. In the end, Sierra wins and Blaineley gets booted along with Duncan, which he’s happy abt. However, there is now tension between Bridgette and Courtney heightened more so when Bridgette finds out how close of friends Courtney and Alejandro are. She tries to warn her, but Courtney says that Alejandro is the only one that seems to understand her. Thinking that’s a jab at her not being a good girlfriend, she retreats and broods, which is where Gwen finds her, and they talk and Gwen reveals that her relationship with Duncan was only for publicity and neither liked each other like that. They bond more, and Bridgette finds herself coming to the realization that she might harbor the same kind of feelings for Gwen as she does with Courtney. Shortly after Gwen leaves, Noah comes across her and they just sit together enjoying the silence of each other's company. Maybe Bridgette discusses the new revelation of her feelings with Noah as well as Geoff during one of her letters to him.

also similar to Geoff and his scrapbook photos, Gwen draws Bridgette and gives it to her bc that'd be adorable.

In Tanzania, due to her clumsy nature, Bridgette doesn't get many tranq balls. She gets hit in the head by a soccer ball and her thoughts are a little fuzzy--both Courtney and Gwen try to hurry over to her and both are taken aback by how in union they are in that moment. Bridgette only gets like two tranq balls (no matter how ticked off Courtney gets at Chris for accommodating for her injury), though with her friendship with Noah and when Gwen tags along, they have a small handful of tranq balls as a group. I haven’t quite figured out what happens here, but in the end, Noah gets eliminated.

Also with the help of Brody, Geoff, and maybe Noah, Bridgette comes to terms with her being into polyamorous relationships as well as monogamous. I can see her being v chill abt it, she doesn't panic abt it or overthink it like Gwen does.

Courtney's the last person to come to terms with this; she's so focused on winning the million that she doesn't give room for her feelings to be acknowledged until close to the end of the season.

Anyway, Courtney and Bridgette have a heart-to-heart after Tanzania, and Courtney apologizes for anything she's done/said that might have been hurtful; they reconcile, and cuddle it out. Alejandro wins immunity, but Courtney nudges him to allow Bridgette to join, and Bridgette pulls Gwen along, and for a half hour it's dead silent and awkward as all fuck, but then they put on a movie, and the four of them end up jumbled together, and Alejandro's sprawled on his chair; Bridgette, Gwen, and Courtney are in one giant pile, limbs over one another. In Easter Island, the subtle tension between Alejandro and Bridgette is finally acknowledged; Alejandro offers an alliance and apology, Bridgette declines. Worrying that this could mean him getting booted, Alejandro maybe does/says smth to Gwen abt Bridgette and/or Courtney to try to dent their bond. As a result, the quips Gwen and Bridgette share as they find their eggs are more barbed than usual and Bridgette is confused af—a jealous and protective Courtney alternates between tugging Bridgette along and quipping back at Gwen though both girls notice that while before, the heat of the words isn’t present, rn there are some barbs thrown that threaten the relationships. While in the caves, they get the whole story and reassurances are said. Bridgette wins the challenge by unloading all her eggs into the nest bc the condor saw her as unthreatening and she loves animals.

In Drumheller, when the plane explodes, Alejandro is the one to push Bridgette out of the line of impact, both as a last-minute genuine act of kindness and another gesture of apology. Bridgette feels terrible and forgives him; Alejandro is out of the game due to the explosion messing with his head and legs, and Chris is angry with the entire situation in general. So now it’s Gwen, Bridgette, and Courtney in the final three.

Bridgette uses her dormant weaving skills to make a hurried hot-air balloon to Hawaii. Now in a wheelchair, Alejandro offers her words of encouragement before heading over to Courtney to see if she wanted to help—Alejandro and Courtney's friendship is obv gonna remain intact. After the stand-off between Courtney and Gwen, where Courtney was supposed to be voted off for whatever reason if the plane hadn’t exploded, Gwen storms off and ends up on the train. (Bridgette votes for Alejandro bc she didn’t want to offend either girl). Courtney fashions a hang-glider, although she lands on the train when her glider can’t sustain itself and her. She and Gwen duet ‘I’m Gonna Make It’ on top of the train while Bridgette tacks along above.

They land on the beach together, Bridgette half on top of Gwen and Courtney; Gwen and Courtney on each other; all of them in a tangle of bodies. Unlike after Tanzania, they don’t move away quickly, instead savoring the time close to each other.

I’m still deciding who’s gonna be in the final two. Either Courtney and Bridgette or Courtney and Gwen with Bridgette being one of their helpers 😅 as for certain characters and eliminations and stuff I want to do for certain episodes, I’m still ironing the details out so hopefully I didn’t confuse you with my seesaw decisions lmaoo

What I do know is that there’ll be tension and awkwardness, confessions, and a group hug at the end. And kissing. Lots of that. And Gwen realizing that it’s okay to like/want to be in a relationship with more than one person—especially if both parties like her back. Oh yeah, and no volcano eruption too.

and possibly some v side duntrent hints from when they remeet in London before Duncan's nabbed by the girls??

Sooo...that's all I've got for you at the moment, anon! Hopefully, you like it!

[dangerouslypassiveaggressive]

A Terribly Organized Almost-Essay About Suzanne Collins and Why I Think She Writes

Lukewarm take because it's been years, but here it goes: if there's anything I've learned over the years, it's that Suzanne Collins is not a people pleaser. (The author, at least. I don't know her personally lol). And she be pleasing the people, that's not what I mean! I just kept hearing the same question being asked over and over again. "Why Snow? Why him?? Why not anybody else? Really?? A prequel about HIM??" It really made me think.

And don't get me wrong! I'd slash someone's tires for a Finnick prequel just like the next person (Suzanne please!), but that has never been the point of her writing. The Hunger Games novels, and by extension, the prequel book The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, aren't just fun fiction reads. Yeah, they're gripping. The world-building is superb. Young people are at the center of it. And all these characteristics are great, but the thing that draws us in, that keeps us consuming her media like hungry little caterpillars, is that they are, time and time again, a captivating and accurate criticism, analysis, and deconstruction of the broken systems society experiences in the real world. I can only speak from my own experience as a Mexican American woman in the United States, so take all of this with a grain of salt.

The Capitol is colorful and fun and interesting and horrible and sadistic. And it is all those things because it is a symbol of our own real-world 1%, except our own glittering Capitol members here in the real world feed us the hope that we may reach their status if we only work hard enough for long enough. The Hunger Games system never makes that claim. In fact, they are fed the narrative that the system only works because they're stuck where they are. Suzanne Collins is taking everything one step further in her writing because it is a type of satire, a critique of the things we already know. So as an author, she blows it out of proportion so that her reader will say "look at this! How ridiculous! How would someone let the system treat them this way!" And it is ridiculous, it's downright laughable that an entire society, an entire country, would let itself be oppressed in such a cruel way by just a few people in charge instead of rising up and- oh wow, yeah, I see it. She wrote about us.

Suzanne Collins just organized everything neatly into boxes- well, districts. Because every district comes with some form of product that they manufacture, but much more importantly: a class. We go in order from 1-13. District 1 manufactures luxury items and District 2 makes weapons (but mostly trains Peacekeepers), so they have the most privilege and wealth. On the other end, Districts 11 and 12 are the agricultural and coal mining districts, respectively. That's back-breaking work. Not to mention District 11 puts kids as young as 12 to work, and District 12 is poverty-stricken and starving. "But what about District 13?" You may ask, "They make nuclear weapons! Why aren't they up there with 2?" Fantastic question. If we know, and the people of Panem know, that the hierarchy is very clearly set by literal number order, why would one of the most powerful and competent districts be given more power and be put at the top? Placing them at the end lets them believe that they aren't powerful or competent. I mean, jeez, look at 12 and they're before 13? I wouldn't believe I could make it on my own either. (We know now that's not how things go down, but it's a clever power move regardless.)

But after all this, would it hurt Suzanne to give us a single book just for fun?

Yes, I believe it would, that's the whole point. We're not meant to fall for the Peeta/Katniss/Gale love triangle. We're not meant to be interested in Finnick's secrets and early life. We're not meant to want to know the morbid details of how Haymitch won his Games (with double the contestants! Ooh. Aah.) We're meant to be horrified at every turn, at every story. We're meant to ask ourselves how things got so bad, how anyone let this happen. Suzanne Collins has written wonderfully fleshed out characters that grip us and make us want to know more, but the point has never been them or even their loved ones. It was never about Katniss or Prim or Peeta or Finnick or Annie. It's always been about the systems that let this story happen, and where Suzanne got her inspiration: the very real lives we lead. The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes shows us the same thing.

So why Coriolanus Snow? Because he is the catalyst to a broken system that only serves the powerful. If Suzanne were to write a novel about any of our much more beloved characters, then she would be writing the exact same book over and over about the same oppression happening in the same system. She does not write for the sake of bringing her very well-written characters to life, but to flesh out the poverty, the starvation, the power struggles, the horrors they experience. We know this because she writes a lot of her characters as symbols. (Coin, for instance, as the symbol for a power-hungry figurehead, or Prim as the innocent during war.)

Snow is living in a slightly different biome than what we know from The Hunger Games series. He has to make sacrifices and decisions for him and his family, but it's different. It is a view and critique from the inside looking in. This is not Katniss getting to experience the Capitol for the first time and understanding just how terribly unfair everything is. This is someone who is very aware of the way things work and playing the game to stay in power and keep their privilege. Not only that, but it's someone who feels entitled to all of it. In this novel, Suzanne plays around with power and people's position in it. What if a mad scientist was in charge? What if the creator of the thing that brought a semblance of peace was just as horrified as the reader? How far is one person willing to go for power? What if we saw the dawn of a world we're already familiar with?

So I hope she keeps writing, because I love seeing our world through her eyes and the parallels she writes from our world to hers of the injustices happening every day. Even though we'll probably never get the stories we crave, but that's okay. Keep putting those kids through hell, Suzanne.

[billerak]

Bumble that Bee or something idk

I recently finished RWBY (catching up after years leaving it aside) and I have thoughts and feelings and, as I am me, a lot of those are about the canonical WLW couple (sans the secondary wives in V6). So I put my thoughts into a rant. It's not as negative as the word 'rant' would have you believe but I don't wanna call it an essay or whatever. It's still pretty negative tho, so be warned. Anyways on with it:

RWBY is a mess.

Sometimes, it's a wonderful mess. Others, it's a terrible one.

I could spend a few paragraphs explaining what I mean, but I think anyone who watches RWBY with a critical eye knows what I'm getting at. Love RWBY, hate RWBY, just don't try to tell me it's good.

So, once that's established, let's get to the meat of this rant: Bumblebee.

Or should I say Fumblebee? Eh? EH?

Alright you can stop reading, have a good day.

Let me start by making a sharing something about myself: I'm Agender and Bi/Pan. I make a living out of writing yuri/gl/wlw or however you wanna call it. I watch entire seasonal fucking anime on the off chance it may be yuri and most of the time I hate myself for it by the end because they never fucking deliver.

All of this is to say, I like the concept of Bumblebee, the problem is it was treated like shit.

In this rant or whatever the fuck I should call it, I'm just going to talk about the things this ship makes me feel. As established I make a living out of writing romances like the one this show tried to depict—and in case you're wondering, I have written slowburns so slow the first romantic interactions between characters didn't happen until 300k words into a fic. I did it twice, fyi—so I believe I have fair grounds to judge this.

So let's tackle this from the beginning. Was it planned from the start?

No, I don't take the writers word for it. It's painfully apparent it's not the case. I'm fairly certain BlackSun was gonna be a thing until they decided to write him out of the story in V6. Or perhaps they decided on Bumblebee and so they wrote him out of the story. Either way, everything prior to V6 I call into question.

Sure, Blake and Yang have their moments. But it's important to point out they're not romantically coded. RWBY isn't subtle about romance, and it starts pulling the same sort of obvious romantic tropes as all the het stuff going on in the show for Bumblebee going into V7. Prior to that? Nothing. Not a single blush or any explicit show of romantic attraction.

And before any disingenuous bastard tries to say something like "oh but blushes aren't always romantic" or "no you don't need blushes to show romantic attraction" allow me to say you are fucking wrong. Blushing is the universal language for embarrassment or love related things. And RWBY uses this shit all the time. INCLUDING Bumblebee past V7.

So yeah, while the writers probably did draw from previous material—and I think the VA's shipped them since the start?—I do not believe this ship was planned from the beginning.

But that's ok! I don't think it's a huge issue, really. Sure I'd have liked to see actual development but I don't need it to work retroactively if it makes sense from the moment they decide to go for it. So, 3 volumes and a half of development. Lots of time to put in the work, add the details, and-

Oh, no. Wait. They spend most of V8 separated. Hmm. K' so, 2 volumes and a half-

Wait. Oh. Oh they… they really have that little screentime together in V6, huh. Wow. Just. Huh.

Ok, the Adam fight is good. It's a strong setup! After fighting and making up for what Blake did after the Fall of Beacon, they finally come together to beat the demon that drew them apart in the first place. They hold each other close after beating him and it's good and I'm gonna say this is when they both actually fall for each other. We can argue about budding feelings or whatever, but I mean this is the moment they become aware of it one way or another.

So Volume 7 has them kinda being together? Honestly, they act like a new couple. Which is weird in retrospect. I think revealing they'd started dating after V6 would have made more sense than, uh... pretending this was a slowburn? Through V7 they stick to each other and fight in perfect synch and blush and all of that romantic stuff. It feels like… well, like they're kind of already an item but the show has other shit to worry about atm.

Then v8 is amazing really. Split the characters over an honestly kind of nonsensical ideological split, keep them apart most of the season, make Yang to be kiiind of an asshole in that one conversation with Kyle (<- my name for the post-v7 Generic McGenericus haircut Jaune. Yes this unironical, the friend I ranted to about this while watching the show can confirm).

To add insult to injury, the split doesn't even accomplish anything for the ship. The only two characters that get development out of being apart are Ren and Nora. These characters were CLEARLY in love last season why are they not having appropriate amounts of angst over this? Like, at this point we're not arguing whether they were planning on making Bumblebee canon or not, the point is asking why it feels like they weren't trying.

And then, Volume 9. For some context, I like V9. I think I'm in a minority, at least in the places I frequent about this stuff. Always comes with the caveat of 'it's still RWBY', of course, but I appreciate it. After the initial whiplash, I think making a fairy-tale season for a show that was born out of the concept of "what if Red Riding Hood had a sick scythe and used it to mow down hundreds of bad wolves" is actually a really fucking good idea.

That being said, the way they do Bumblebee is really strange.

They're basically back to their V7 selves. It feels like they're either already dating or on the verge of dating. I need to stress just how comfortable they seem to be around each other with the sole exception of that one time Blake didn't grab Yang's hand, but it didn't feel particularly awkward.

Then BOOM mind storm thing and while Ruby, Weiss and Jaune talk about like, actual issues, Jaune implies Blake and Yang had 'something more important to deal with'. And that something is RWBY's version of the room you can't leave unless you have sex.

Sans the sex I guess.

In the void, I think the scene(s?) is good. It's nice, the music is evocative, it's well framed and paced. In another story, it would really have been a perfect climax for a budding relationship.

The problem is this is not another story. These two have NOT seemed like two people awkwardly in love too scared to tell it to each other. In fact, it kinda felt like the exact opposite. If they kissed at the end of any episode for any reason, at this point, it would've felt correct. A simple quiet stare while sitting close and them just finally leaning in to take that final step would've been just as good if not better.

The bridge thing? It's the climax to an arc that didn't happen. Relationships don't need to be slowburns for me to like them, but if you're gonna pretend you were making a slowburn, at least do it right. Why did they need the bridge thing to finally get together? Come on! There was plenty of opportunity during V9 prior to this episode to at least make a show of them being awkward. Make it clear they were finally on the verge but were holding back on the final step. Make it actually cause some conflict, preferably between them as their fear grows into uncertainty and doubts.

Then the bridge would've felt cathartic. Force them to resolve said conflict, and the only way to do it is through admitting their feelings. Sure, it would've still been few episodes, but fuck man I'm sure they could've scraped a few minutes here and there to make it somewhat competent.

I like Bumblebee as a concept. I think the avid fans of this ship look at the concept, not at what the show did, and say "this is canon" and run with it. I don't blame anyone who is a big fan of this ship but… I just can't like it in its current state. I'm sure there's fanfics that fix it, I may give some a read.

Hell, just compare Bumblebee's development to Renora. Those guys have been kind of obviously in love from second one and Nora's entire character being focused on Ren was made into an actual plot point by the end.

Anyways that's about it for bumblebee. Here's some extra thoughts on shipping in RWBY in general.

If we look at the earlier seasons, I honestly think you'd have a stronger argument to make for White Rose being a couple. If we look at the later seasons, Nuts n' Dolts has a stronger impact. I already mentioned it but Blake/Sun had obviously a thing going on that didn't pan out. I hope chameleon girl whose name I don't remember gets a gf at some point tho.

I pray to fucking god they're not building up fucking Oscar and Ruby cuz they had a few awkward scenes here and there and they make me feel wrong in all sorts of ways.

Given how little interaction Ruby and Weiss have had despite how much time they've supposedly spent together, I think the writers are making an active effort to discourage White Rose. I'm not gonna get into the author's self insert being a love interest for Weiss at one point but let's just say the writers seem invested in making extra-sure Weiss stays het. I've made my peace with that. And Penny is fucking dead again so Nuts n' Dolts is a no go (canonically I mean I may read a fanfic or two about them they're very cute).

If they're gonna give Ruby a relationship by the end (which I kinda hope they don't at this point), I think it should be Kyle. They've had nice moments together and seriously shipping Oscar with Ruby just feels fucking weird. Like I assume Ozma's gonna be fucking gone from Oscar's body by the end of this story but even then idk that guy had a centuries old man is his head, it's fucked up.

Anyways that's enough. Why did you read to the end? Thanks for reading anyways.

[thatdeadaquarius]

About language brainrot. Imagine writer creator reader who finally learns how to write in Teyvat's weird symbols and they want to publish their book. They decided to do it anonymously to avoid the "aaaaaah our creator wrote the holy scripture" sort of situation. Except it didn't work. The reader's style is too different from the rest of the world, so even if they tried to simulate the flowery speech it wasn't effective.

Another thing. Reader who decided to read some local books to practice their reading. They asked for something simple and similar to their speech. But the only books merely similar to it are 2000 and more years old. It's funny how the older text is the more you can understand it. On this note. If reader write something i feel like it would be hard to understand for Teyvat's people.

Imagine a reader who is autistic or has any other NDs imparing their communication skills. They practically trained themselves to say sertain phrases in sertain situation. But it doesn't work in Teyvat. And everything just stacks at each other. Difference in speech, being a God (so people react weirdly to you), bad communication skills, not understanding nonverbal cues and so on. There's gonna be a lot of misunderstanding. I imagine how followers would walk on the eggshells not to upset and angry their God and reader who does the same not to say something people will get wrong. Again.

Reader who regained all their memories of creating Teyvat, they're super powerful and stuff. But they still struggle with the modern language. Because all the memories are like millions years old.

✨️NEXYLAZA UR SO FUCKING SMART AND CREATIVE✨️ UR BRAIN>>>>>> EVERYTHING

GIF Akashi (black hair) is all the people who read the Sagau/Isekai Genshin tag and Bokuto (silver) is STILL ME RANTING ABOUT LANGUAGE IN TEYVAT LMAO

They cant escape me, sorry people who just wanted to read SAGAU normal things, im filling up the tag💀

I HAD OTHER ASKS BEFORE THIS ONE AND AS I GOT THRU EM I WAS "OMMGGGG WE'RE GETTIN CLOSER TO NEXY'SSSS ASSSKKKK EEEEEEE"

YOU ARE A GODDAMN GENIUS

DHALALWKDHDHS

ME ABOUT THIS ASK:

(^ lol biblically accurate deadaquarius)

I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGINNNN

BRAINROTTING OVER UR ENTIRE ASK!!

♡

Also, its getting kinda old now, so here is the blunt language v. Teyvat's flowery language post for reference! :)

Hhhhhhhhhhh

IF U WRITE STUFF

AND UR IN WORDY TEYVAT LAND

AINT NO WAY,👏

U COULD EVEN, 👏👏

GET CLOSE👏👏👏

TO THESE BITCHES SPEECH👏👏👏👏

◇

Like,, imagine right now if i told you to write me 4 pages of an essay in entirely early 18th century vernacular.

(For reference: when the story Pride & Prejudice takes place)

... like??

Bitch aint no way u can do that and actually show that to a historian or an actual living person from that time period

and them actually say "wow! An excellently worded 18th century essay!"

💀.

◇

So tying into that whole, "the only simple texts are like literal cunnieform clay tablets or sm shit"

Your writing to them just sounds like if a scribe just copied off what one of those tablets said just onto paper HAHA

And like, if u try and dress it up, it just ends up sounding like its from a slightly later time period

Like if ur casual writing sounds like 1 million years ago, u being flowery sounds like 8-7 thousand years ago u cant win LMAO

◇

Omg ur trying to go to that-

wait whats it called,,fuck i dont know Sumeru good enough yet

The.. HOUSE OF DAENA GOT IT

Yeah so ur thinking "Oh what better way to learn a dialect?/vernacular than reading books by them!"

And u basically snatch Alhaitham at the soonest possible chance to take you there

(Bc when i went in, it was just random lore books everywhere so)

Needless to say you have no clue how this place is organized, so u convince him to direct you to books u can easily read first

Like as close to your speech as possible!! U tell him :)

.

..

...lol

It literally takes like 3 hours to get something readable LMAO

Bc when the poor feeble scribe initially brought you smth he thought was pretty old and close to ur speech, like just first thought,

... It sounded like it was from the middle of the 18th century to you lol

So, with a "hmm" and a squint at the dusty book you'd already given up on

Alhaitham slowly went around the library making a stack of books, dropped them off in front of you... not a single sentence.

...then he made a stack of scrolls...

..nope..

...a stack of stone tablets...

.....getting closer?? it was really weird seeing Shakespearean language carved into stone....

...and then, with a conversation to a second library secretary deeper in the library, past a caged area of shelves to protect them...

...he escorts you behind the restricted section towards the back filled with glass display cases.

(Several of which contain the most ancient looking sets of artifacts you've ever seen)

...Finally, u arrive at a long glass case of several clay tablets.

Half of which sound like they're from the 1910s-20s, and the other, even older half, sounding straight out of the 2000s..

..

....

......

...Good god.

(Good..you??)

These crazy speaking bastard-previously-video-game-characters were right.

...

You are suddenly, viscerally hit with the image of Zhongli's idle, "Osmanthus wine tastes the same as I remember, but where are those who share the memory?" 💀

◇

Alhaitham side eyes you,, (he looks,, very interested, yet also kinda concerned??? HIM, CONCERNED????!!!)

"Ahem, the texts before thy Greatest Lord art the eldest- well, perhaps, more appropriately, the eldest and most intact, pieces of written language known to our humankind."

...

....aYOO MAN 😭😭

...Ur just staring at these half cracked, baked clay tablet thingys, full of slang from like 2003-

Alhaitham coughs.

"Uh, thanks. ...Sorry about all the.. trouble with this..."

BRO HOW OLD DOES HE THINK U ARE NOW-

"This task assigned to mine own person was of no trouble to my mind or spirit, Greatest Lord, fret not about it any longer."

And with a sort of shell-shocked atmosphere surrounding both of you, Alhaitham walks off to check out some other restricted books, hovering nearby yet also trying to give u space LOL

Top 10 cursed images: Seeing "Chillax, bro, dude, and weeb" carved into ancient clay tablets that look like they would be part of the Egyptian exhibit back in ur world 💀

◇

You eventually just kind of end up writing a couple pages after studying the writings, going younger and younger (nothing has ever made u feel more powerful...yet also more old..)

You stretch, just as Alhaitham finally has made his own little stack of creaky old books

He seems very curious to read what u wrote, peaking a glance over the top of his book every so often (lol nerd, cute nerd... but NERDDD)

You just offer the academic lunatic what he wants 🙄

"Haha, wanna take a look? Some drafts are... closer than others..."

The scribe immediately puts his book down, not even saving his page,

"I would be honored, Greatest Lord."

Is he excited?? 💀 omfg

U very slowly hand ur most recent practice pages over, he curls his hand under his chin "hmm" ing

...Alhaitham shakes his head

"My..deepest apologizes My Creator, but this still seems, at the earliest, from when papyrus was invented, and not yet even into scrolls..."

OK BUT ALHAITHAM WOULD GENUINELY GIVE NO FUCKS ABT CRITIQING YOU, HE MAY BE MORE POLITE ABT IT BUT EVEN IF U DID MAKE THE WORLD HES GOING FOR IT

KAVEH HAS A HEART ATTACK BC HIS ROOMMATE GOT ONTO GOD LMAO

U let ur head plop on ur pile of papers, srry babe youll never be as fancy as Mr. Darcy 😕

And as ur resting there, contemplating just walking out and finding smth to eat instead- same

Alhaitham picks up another draft.

Except it's your first attempt.

As in, you didn't even try, first attempt.

You just made some bullet point notes or some Bs, in ur regular. modern. language.

Alhaitham knocks his chair over standing up so fast-

(HE GETS SHUSHED BY THE RESTRICTED LIBRARIAN LOL, also another person unafraid to scold God lol)

...he says its a perfect example of the oldest records they've found of writing on the continent, most of which they haven't even translated yet

He asks u to teach him how to read this/speak like this lol

♧

(^^^not my best work but hope yall got smth outta it💀)

I WAS LITERALLY GONNA MAKE A WHOLE POST ON THE NEURODIVERGENT EXPERIENCE OF BEING A GOD IN TEYVAT

ESPECIALLY OF THE LANGUAGE BARRIER VARIETY!!!

THERES JUST

ACK

aCK HDHAKD

SO MUCH

TO SAY

!!!

AHHHHH

OK BUT LIKE

IF WE ACTUALLY TOOK THIS TO THE EXTREME IM IMPLYING IT WOULD BE

LIKE TEYVAT SPEAKS SEVERAL DECADES BEHIND U- MAYBE EVEN ACTUALLY

CLOSE TO PRIDE AND PREJUDICE TIMES SPEECH

THEY WOULD LITERALLY BARELY COMPHREHEND YOU

IMAGINE TRYING TO TALK TO MR. DARCY 😭

THATS LITERALLY ALL OF TEYVAT

JUST

???¿¿?????!!! <- THEM ALL THE TIME

ESP IF UR NEURODIVERGENT

I THINK IT WOULD BE EVEN MORE PROOF FOR THEM TO THINK UR GOD

BC UR BEHAVIOR WOULD BE "OFF" TO THEIR NEUROTYPICAL ASSES,

YOUR FACIAL EXPRESSIONS,

LIKE UR MASKING MAYBE BUT

U CANT KEEP THAT SHIT UP ALL THE TIME-

ESP IN CRAZY ISEKAI CIRCUMSTANCES

AND LIKE-

(ok ill tone it down before i also get shushed)

U used to be a player!!

Which would maybe mean u got rlly comfy playing Genshin all the time!

...like i know im kinda stimming when im gaming (and my natural stim is rocking so yeah no way they wouldnt notice that 💀)

So, since u may be still yknow unconsciously wanting to be comfy (esp around ur mains/team/favs)

U probably have stimmed a little around them, which, not that neurotypicals dont stim, but like

They would notice after awhile

And esp people like Alhaitham, Zhongli, Ningguang, Xiao, Ei, Aether/Lumine, Kaeya, Diluc, Kazuha, Heizou, Shenhe, Kokomi, Sara, Albedo, Dainsleif- !! GASP- !! <- my bbygirl omg i forgot abt u before now im so sorry </3

(once again i have not checked a character list, forgive my sins my readers)

^^^ Are like pretty focused on you/observant, so they'd eventually pick up on it first probably

..

...

....which allsssooo means they're like, collecting all ur neurodivergent thingys lol to compile as EVIDENCE AGAINST YOU AS TO WHY THEY KNOW UR THE CREATOR LMAO

◇

Honestly the biggest factor against u is definitely social interaction,, srry love :/

(if it helps, its bc i know itd be my downfall too thats why thats there ^ 😔)

Mostly bc i have this idea/theory? obervation? that when I especially met Adepti for the first time

Esp ones that werent as close to human society for as long as some others (like think Xiao vs. Ganyu)

And for literally every other non-human people we've met so far in Genshin-

They kinda- they kinda, radiate neurodivergent energy??

Like, they're not adherring to social norms, and not in like a bad way,

But its still rlly obvious (i mean also its probably exaggerated for us as an audience) that theyre not human pretty quickly

coughzhonglicough

COUGHVENTICOUGH-

oh geez wow excuse me, cold weather must be gettin to me- ahem hem-

Anyway, like what Nexy said in the ask,

...

...Yall are all just tiptoing around each other 😭😭

Bc these ppl arent from Earth countries,

All their behavior is weird to you 😭

U dont know how to mask with them yet 😭😭

THE UNBELIEVABLE AMOUNT OF MISCOMMUNICATION THAT HAPPENS ALREADY WHEN UR NEUROSPICY VS. NEUROBLAND PPL

IS LIKE, ALMOST WORSE??

Bc they cant even understand ur phrasing bc its so simple 😭😭😭

◇

Tldr: "Being Neurodivergent means ur a god, confirmed." - says all of Teyvat's denizens

◇

NEXYLAZA.

MY BELOVED.

I AM IN LOVE WITH UR BRAIN.

IF I COULD GIVE IT A HUG I WOULD🫂✨️👏👏👏👏

BC I WAS ALREADY LIKE IN THE BACK OF MY MIND LIKE-

*rubs my little rat gremlin hands together*

"hmHmHMMMM BuT wHaT iF mAYbE yOU reMeMbeREd cReATinG TeyVAT, hmHMHMMMMM"

AND FOR VERBALIZING IT WITHIN BLUNT LANGUAGE AU- !!!!!!!

(one of my favs, if u cant tell)

I would (platonically) kiss you right now dude.

Instead I give this:

♡ ily

And also, I AM GOING TO MAKE A WHOLE POST ABOUT THIS-

MAYBE EVEN A FANFIC, OR ONE SHOT AHDHAKFHSKLAAL-

UNTIL NEXT TIME MY BELOVED PARTNER IN CRIME <333

PSPSPSPSsppspspspssss Last Time! CLOSES TOMORROW @1pm CST: VOTE on my 100+ followers celebration POLL :)

Tell me what u wanna see me write about! PSPSPSPSpspspspssss

(U can vote even if ur new! :] )

THANK YOU FOR SUBMITTING THIS ASK

THIS IS A TREASURE OF MINE NOW

GONNA HIDE IT IN MY LITTLE CAVE OF SCREENSHOTTED SAGAU POSTS <333 hehehehehehehehehehe

THIS IS LIKE PT2 TO MY ORIGINAL LANGUAGE POST AHHHHH

NEXY BIG BRAIN ILYSM <3

Cheers,

🌒🌧🌊Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza lol ur own ask im a menace sorry

[kaurwreck]

hi! i really want to tell you that i love love love your blog. i feel so much joy when i see you've made a long post with your thoughts. i admire the way you engage with things you enjoy! you've genuinely inspired me to get back into reading. i've been struggling with migraines and after some time i started associating reading with suffering. i stumbled upon your blog because of bsd, and i got so fascinated with the way you communicate with the source material that i had a childlike realization: i want to have that too! and i picked up akutagawa, and i'm enjoying myself so much. i'm never not thinking about the post where you said that the trick to being clever is to stop obsessing over being right. life-changing, really. sending you so so so much love! p.s. as a russian-speaker it's a delight reading your thoughts on dostoevsky, especially seeing you use diminutives, for some reason. in russian slang we sometimes say, "ты так чувствуешь!" ("you are really feeling!") meaning "you really get it on an emotional level!" and that's what i think every time i read your thoughts on dostoevsky.

I hesitated to answer this ask because I wanted to covet it and hoard it and keep it tucked away where I could revisit it to my greedy heart's content without anyone noticing, but I'd rather you know that this ask was so delightful to receive and absolutely melted me in the best way, so I'm publishing it even though that means submitting to the mortifying ordeal of creating a tag so that I can more easily return to your kind words, and perhaps other, similar asks and posts that are emotional balms.

Also, I am so sorry, I'm sleep-deprived and I was so excited and charmed and delighted by your ask that I lost my mind and wrote you a veritable novel in response. Thus, I've added a readmore and headings (because WOW, I went on tangents, sorry!)

Returning to Reading

I'm so sorry you have migraines; I don't get them often, but I do occasionally get them, and it's some of the worst, least tolerable pain I've ever experienced. So, whatever it's worth, you have my sympathy and admiration, especially since returning to reading when you experience frequent migraines implicates some common triggers. (Never mind how annoying I know it is when you're in too much pain to read as a distraction either.) But I'm delighted you're reframing your relationship with reading separate from suffering, and that you're enjoying the process! I'm also returning to reading, and while I don't have the same challenges, I am also engaging in a process of relearning and recontextualizing reading for myself, so I'm always here to chat about it.

I'm especially thrilled that you picked up Akutagawa; Akutagawa is the author who also coaxed me back into reading literature (as opposed to comics or webnovels). He might still be my favorite even now that I've read several, several other modern Japanese authors.

Akutagawa Adoration Hours

[I apologize; I hyperfocused and wrote an entire multi-paragraph essay on how much I love Akutagawa below... I promise I come back to your ask!]

Akutagawa's literary voice is just so vivid, sharp, and intentional. He compels you to cling to the weight of each word with rich, clever language that cuts to the hearts of matters frankly, bluntly, and sometimes scathingly. But even when his authorial voice is ostensibly irreverent or lacquered with detachment, he cradles his most foolish characters, bundling them with naked affection for their sincerity, vulnerability, and childish conviction. They embody his unadulterated faith, and he reserves for them in the implication the same salvation he's convinced he's too sullied by shame, terror, and self-consciousness to deserve. Akutagawa does not squander the gravity of your attention, and even in brief vignettes in which humans become lice or have had their personhood severed from them by the untenable yet escalating demands of their responsibilities to others, there's humanity in his horror and absurdity, and closure in his ambiguity. I rarely feel as if there's certainty in Akutagawa's narratives, but neither do I feel as if nothing that occurred mattered.

Even when nothing has objectively changed for the characters, Akutagawa sources meaning from the subjective perceptions of the characters, the impact of which is rarely diminished by the objective or observable. Thus, the bleakness, horror, and absurdity of the characters' circumstances are sometimes interminable, but they shelter Akutagawa's fondness and latent certainty that existential meaning is inherent to humanity because of, rather than despite, our fragility, foolishness, and callous disregard for measurable truth.

His contemporaries criticized him for the detachment and perceived stagnancy lent by his polish and technical brilliance, but I've never read any of his stories and not felt an earnestness that persists entirely apart from the explicit narrative, as if someone is reading over my shoulder and murmuring "isn't she brave?" whenever a character is so simple in their sincerity that they become vulnerable to humiliation and abuse. And that's not detachment; that's Akutagawa relentlessly writing hope, love, and compassion into the creases of his own grotesque fear, and in doing so, filling spaces we perceive as empty in ourselves with the faith and devotion he was so certain he lacked.

You Said Childlike In Passing But Chapter 55 of the Tao Te Ching Rewired My Brain and I Was Lost In the Akutagawa Sauce So...

And it's childlike how, even when characters like O-Gin are debased and humiliated, Akutagawa yearns for their salvation enough to smudge the ink at the edges of his precisely rendered language so the silly, ignorant little fools might transcend the boundaries of the narrative that otherwise ruthlessly scorned and punished them for their guilelessness. His need for innocence is itself indicative of the keen sense of violation that prompts a toddler to indignation when his jejune reliance on fairness is first exploited and then provided as cause for exploitation.

Akutagawa was wise enough to know childlike conclusions are the most profound and self-actualizing insights we can have, but too certain of the inevitability of his suffering and too overly prescribed barbiturates to nurture and cherish his own salvific childishness. So, your realization was brilliant for its childlike wisdom, and I think it's both wonderful and meaningful that you then nurtured that wisdom by pursuing the relationship you wanted with the source material.

Being Right vs. Playful Engagement

I'm also so glad that the post about being clever =/= obsessing over being right was sticky and impactful! It's, quite frankly, immensely less fun and more pressure if you're hinging your enjoyment on whether you're right when engaging with media where "right" is subjective and layered, and where you're engaging with a foreign cultural context. I get the impression that centering your engagement on making and assessing the accuracy of predictions also lends itself to biases, defensiveness, disappointment, misplaced resentment based on unmet expectations, and incuriosity; at least more so than engaging with the story playfully and sincerely.

I'm also just extremely biased towards bsd and Asagiri's approach to storytelling; I think he's engaging in a challenging and layered approach to storytelling that is wholly unique to him. (At least, based on my own experiences with referential multimedia titles.) I'm so charmed by how Asagiri throws himself into creative challenges and engages in meaningful and remarkably substantive conversations with the source materials, his own portfolio of interlocking narratives, and his audience. I would kill to chat with him about his processes.

Everyone I'd Encountered Who Seemed Parasocially Obsessed With Dostoevsky Was Right

Before I get into this next babble tangent, I want you to know that your kind words and perspective as a Russian-speaker regarding my Dostoevsky thoughts mean SO much to me; I'm very proud if I'm able to do an ounce of justice to the text in my ramblings, and I'm so excited to know the appropriate phrase for what I'm experiencing right now because I am REALLY feeling.

I was admittedly a little nervous about reading his works with only minimal background, and I went into Crime and Punishment without first consulting any published critiques and analyses (which I sometimes do for foreign classics to bridge gaps in context). But, I was eager to start the story, so I decided to just get into it with the understanding I might need to pause for further research if I felt I was missing too much context to engage with the text meaningfully. But, wow, I was immediately consumed. I struggled to put it down for most of it, and I've been staying up too late and sneakily reading at work; things I haven't done since I was in middle school.

While I know I'm missing context, even with the attentive footnotes (and I absolutely will read so many academic papers on it once I finish these last fifty pages), I was pleasantly surprised by how not only engaging his writing and this translation are but also by how familiar with and connected I feel to the characters and circumstances and emotions and dynamics. He has rendered the human experience and specific flavors of People into such compassionate, teasing, sincere, frank, and sobering characters who I feel like I've had entire conversations with.

I love classic lit, but Dostoevsky is sincerely rekindling a joy I haven't felt in years while reading. Also, his frankness and compassion regarding alcoholism and parentified children and trauma and ennui and guilt and the contradictions we grapple with within ourselves and with who we are to different people are giving me a framework for reflecting on swaths of my trauma and childhood that I've struggled to articulate my thoughts and emotions around for years.

I'm so energized and excited about reading his other works, but, wow, I'm going to miss these characters so much.

Accounting For My Crimes Against the Russian Language

I have very little background in Russian, but I'm passingly familiar because in high school (i) I was obsessed with Russian history, particularly related to the USSR and swaths of imperial Russia (I actually taught the lesson on Ivan IV Vasilyevich in my Western Civ class because my teacher was pregnant and exhausted and I knew the material better than she did); and (ii) I studied Russian with a private tutor in my senior year of high school (very lightly; once a week, only for a year, I met with her and two French language teachers from my school who were also interested in Russian for hour-long lessons and to receive homework assignments).

So, while my experience with the language is shallow at best, I've always loved Russian diminutives. I'm obsessed with the sheer amount of information relayed in someone's name. It's incredible. Of the languages I'm familiar with, none have a comparably satisfying gradient range of (i) affection and (ii) disrespect.

That said, I use diminutives for characters I'm particularly fond of, to show affection, and to teasingly disrespect them since I think it's quite overfamiliar for me to take such liberties.

Also, while I try to check after myself to ensure I'm using them correctly, I have only a surface-level understanding of what I'm doing, and some language forum threads are more helpful than others, so I'm very, very sorry if I use any incorrectly, and I encourage you (and any other Russian speakers and learners) to yell at me if you notice I'm misusing someone's name.

So far, my approach has been to check general searches, forums, and Reddit when I've encountered diminutives in Crime and Punishment, and I'll continue to look up every single name variation in the Dostoevsky novels I'm reading, no matter how long it may take me to realize what I've been scouring for isn't a diminutive at all but instead probably (emphasis on "probably," because no one providing English explanations seemed wholly certain) the same name but spoken in the form native to a separate Slavic language than the languages anyone else in the conversation was using, not that it really seemed to matter, since the same characters within the same conversation each used multiple forms of the same, with only one remark on what was most likely the correct form, which everyone ignored/disregarded, including the remarking character. So if you have context on THAT dynamic, I would love to hear about the etiquette and conventions around language forms among the many different languages and dialects in Eastern Europe.

For reference, the diminutives I've been using re: Crime and Punishment and bsd, with more context:

Raskolnikov is "Rodya" unless he's naughty, in which case I call him "Rodka." Unless he's REALLY naughty, then he's Raskolnikov.

Avdotya is Dunya always; I do feel egregious because she commands grace and gravitas, and I respect her SO much. But I love her dearly and am very warm towards her and everything she does, so I call her Dunya as if she were my sister because if she were, I would treat her better than Rodka right now.

Razumikhin is Dima which may be wildly incorrect, both in form and historical context; the only reason I haven't confirmed it yet is because I had an OC named Dmitri in high school that I was very fond of and referred to affectionately as Dima, and I'm similarly fond of Razumikhin, so I've delayed confirming and correcting myself here, although that's very Rodka-naughty of me, I know.

Fedya is always bsd!Fyodor, and only when he has really wide eyes and is being adorable bunny Fedya. He is Fyodor when he is being nasty or squinting. I call the author by either his last or full name, although I'm sure I've carelessly called him Fyodor before too. I try to maintain some consistency in distinguishing who I'm referencing between the characters and their namesakes.

Tl;dr: I love Russian diminutives. The only other time I've come close to feeling the same amount of immense delight over names-as-love-and-violence is when my work mentor, who is Chinese, was providing me with her preferred titles (laoban ["old boss," old meaning "venerable" rather than indicating age], jiejie ["big sister"]), and my other coworker chimed in to say, "Wouldn't you be da-jiejie ["first/eldest big sister"], since you're the oldest?" If looks could kill.

[jazzically]

ok even tho im in the middle of magp 9 i stopped my epic rave on the internet to also post this tangential digression that i barfed out by accident so that my mind appears to express itself at least somewhat chronologically and so that my posts are oriented vaguely in the order of a normal thought process:

An Argumentative Essay (that i literally wrote to myself mid-episode. why. what even) about something i noticed myself doing unconsciously

As i listen to magp 7 my newly conspiracy-theorist brain is actively and incessantly trying to find parallels between tma and tmagp (is the mysterious security guy like breekon and hope? is the oxford's people's trust akin to the people's church of the divine host, and that is why it burned down? does the press of a sea of laughing volunteers have to do with the buried, and/or their end with the slaughter?) and it took me like five full minutes to realize that i was being silly and should stop trying to identify exact similarities for a number of reasons: they wouldn't do that because it might be rather cheap and boring; people coming from Magnus would have an upper hand and be able to infer things from prior knowledge; this is an entirely new premise and story simply set in the same universe; and the simple fact that fear — broad a category as it is, as exemplified in the first two hundred episodes of the magnusverse — is the centerpoint of horror. of course there will be parallels!! if only coincidentally!!! lmao what am i thinking

anyway i started writing this because i wanted to appreciate/highlight the writers' efforts in making the stories so conceptually new in content, despite the constant temptation (at least, i feel it, secondhandedly) to adhere to the rules (categories of fear) already in existence, meticulously built up to craft horror tales specifically set in this universe already... it would be easy. but protocol is, in essence, a different series, and deserves the same amount of love and freshness and work put into it. i should stop guessing at what to expect, because i shouldn't pretend i know any more than i did when starting magnus lol

ALSO I LOOOVE THE MYSTERY!!! why would i spoil it for myself!!!!

p.s. im not sure whether the sam/celia romance feels forced to me but it's too early to tell

ANYWAY let me just reiterate how it was an absolutely wonderful surprise to discover alex and jonny still had character roles in protocol i have no idea why i didn't see it coming

eeeeeeee im so excited i get to listen in real time with the fandom nowww eeeeeeeeeee

i do regret (in such a minor way that it may be considered inconsequential) that the episodes aren't named CASE 7 or whatever bc that would be cool but maybe they aren't all gonna be cases ?? perhaps the structure is different.... hMMmmMM

8 seasons is crazy like wow props to you guys im so DAMN EXCITED

[scary-white]

I'm writing an essay about subtle LGBTQIA+ tropes in King's work and I was wondering if you had a favorite quote from the book that shows Sue's fascination with Carrie? If not, no worries!

I've got a few to choose from, though some of them are context dependent.

1. "The realization suddenly brought everything up close, made it real, and compassion for Carrie broke through the dullness of her shock." (Pg. 287)

Found in the context of Carrie and Sue sharing a psychic link. Sue finds that the thought of herself comes to her as neither words nor pictures—she just is. Removed from labels, names, and status, this is perhaps the first time Sue can identify herself for who she actually is, and, well, the quote says the rest.

2. "In the aftermath she felt low and melancholy, and her thoughts turned to Carrie in this light." (Pg. 55)

This entire scene is interesting to comb through with a queen lense, and I highly suggest you do. Here, Tommy and Sue have just finished having sex and Sue is unsatisfied. The preceding lines are:

"Tonight was only the second time she had begun to feel something like pleasure, and then it was over. Tommy had held out for as long as he could, but then it was just... over. It seemed like an awful lot of rubbing for a little warmth."

I highly doubt King intended it this way, but wow. Having your character lament over how little she enjoyed sex with her boyfriend only to immediately think about another woman is... Something.

Again, I really think this entire scene is worth examining. Sue thinks about what she's become and what she's on track to become, and she is so dreadfully dissatisfied. She feels that she's only with her boyfriend because they're a nice looking couple, and it's expected of them. She fears conformity, and she fears the path it's leading her down: A path of house-wifery, and child rearing. All of her fears, everything she doesn't want? Its all heteronormative.

Then, after going down the list of all her deep, dark fears, she arrives at this:

"Carrie, it was that god damn Carrie. This was her fault. Perhaps before today she heard the distant, circling foot-falls around their lighted place, but tonight, hearing her own sordid, crummy story, she saw the actual silhouettes of all these things, and yellow eyes that glowed like flashlights in the dark." (Pg. 57)

Another woman made you violently aware of your own impending, disgustingly hetero-normative doom? That's kind of gay.

3. "She was not even aware that she was following Carrie's progress toward The Cavalier, no more than she was aware of the process of respiration unless she thought about it." (Pg. 279)

I don't really have anything intellectual to add here, but I'd like to point out that in my annotated copy I wrote in the margins, "following Carrie is as natural as breathing? THATS GAY."

4: "A. (Sue) Oh, you stupid man! Have you listened to anything that's been said here? Everybody knew it was Carrie! Anyone could have found her if they had put their minds to it.

Q. But not just anyone found her. You did." (Pg. 284)

Sure. Anyone could have found her if they set their mind to it, but she's the only one who cared to. In a way, she's been following after Carrie for the entire novel.

5. "They shared the awful totality of perfect knowledge." (Pg. 287)

This is after they've formed a psychic link. Carrie reveals to Sue her every horrible trauma. Sue discovers first hand how it feels to be Carrie White. Later, Carrie is witness to Sue's inner most thoughts and memories. They're bonded on the deepest level. In a way, they are one in the same— even sharing one death.

Hope this helps! ❤️

[sc0rpiflow3r]

I love your writing and your characterization of both Voldemort and Harry, especially Harry's he just feels very in character. Voldemort's obsessivness is so fun to read because that's my favourite part of him. Your latest chapter was amazing and hot af I'm very excited for the next one 🥰

Just curious what is your general idea of who Voldemort is? I was intrigued when you mentioned his way of "murdering" Tom Riddle by creating his other identity and later his first Horcrux to essentially get rid of his "weakness". Do you believe that was what motivated him to become Lord Voldemort and a murderer (in canon) ? His deep and unsatiated desire for connection, loneliness and constant hurt that he couldn't fix?

Wow, thank you, anon! 🥹❤️

I’m so happy with all the positive comments Fetters is getting! ❤️

Harry is fascinating for me to write because it’s difficult to balance his character. He’s incredibly human — kind, but suffering a lot. He feels rage and carries terrible survivor's guilt.

The thing is that he can’t be the same pure and good hero as his relationship with someone as dark as Voldemort unfolds. We'll see in the next chapter, which will be entirely from Harry's POV, the contradiction inside him.

Relationships change people, and as I wrote in the notes of the first chapter, this fic is a case of "how he can make me worse."

Fetters of the Damned is about breaking free from societal restraints, giving in to your worst impulses, and being cherished for it. In other words, it’s the raw and pure idea of "they match each other's freaks".

I loved your question about Voldemort!

Voldemort is charming, cruel, and relentless. He thinks he’s the best at everything and despises everyone else. Even his most faithful followers, like Bella and Barty, he sees as “pets.”

He views them all as inferior to him, even Harry. The only one he can’t see as inferior is Dumbledore, which is why he hates him so deeply.

He’s a contradiction - he loathes Tom Riddle because he sees Tom as the weak boy who was beaten, humiliated, and had nothing. No one wanted Tom Riddle, not even his own family.

“Voldemort felt weak, more vulnerable than ever, and disgusted with himself. He did not feel like the powerful Dark Lord; he felt like Tom Riddle. A pathetic orphan.” (Chapter 6)

Tom Riddle craved love, but he never received it. So he craved power, because he had none.

When he discovered his magical heritage, he saw an opportunity to gain control over his life, a possibility to change it. However, to become this powerful being, he has to die. Tom Riddle must die for Lord Voldemort to be born.

And it wasn’t enough. Nothing is enough for him.

He has this craving, this rage, all rooted in self-loathing. He hates himself (hates Tom, which is him, no matter how hard he tries to deny it) and has a constant need to prove himself as better than everyone else.

“He had always known he was destined for greatness. He had always known he was different from the others. Not only different, but also superior to everyone else. It was his destiny to rule the world.” (Chapter 2)

And the similarities between him and Harry — the way they connect— oh, Voldemort isn’t even a bit ready to see Harry as an equal. He sees him as a pet, as his object, his Horcrux.

Both are solitary orphans who crave companionship deep down. The difference is that one accepts this need for someone, while the other does not (at least not yet).

Anyway, I hope I answered your question. Sorry for the essay; I get excited talking about this! 😅

[queer-as-used-by-tolkien]

Babe are you okay you reblogged "best fanfic" 14 times

NO I am NOT because fgshsjk that's MY fic. I have consciously decided not to change the names and publish (I have a progessional editor. Yes really. He said I should. I chose not to) because I wrote that fic FOR THAT FANDOM and changing it would strip at least HALF of the meaning out

And ALSO

I wrote an entire essay on this once - how the genre of fanfiction exists AS A FORM OF LEGITIMATE LITERARY CRITICISM!! Of characters, themes - canon and fanfic can be like a back-and-forth MORAL PHILOSOPHY DEBATE (esp if the canon is still ongoing) - at its root fanfic asks "what if you took X away / added Y in? What would change?" And what GOOD fic does is it looks far enough down the road to go "wow. That would change the entire message/theme/point/meaning of the work, or comment on it or an aspect of it in a way the original didn't have time for" and then LEANS INTO THAT!

Fanfic ADDS TO THE ORIGINAL POINT OF A WORK!! It OPENS A DIALOGUE!!

But if you take the original away, what in the WORLD is the criticism criticizing??? It's just its own original now, inviting fanfic and criticism and engagement. If all good fics were published separately YOU'D NEVER GET A REAL DIALOGUE!!

Good fanfiction is INHERENTLY tied to the original/source/canon material DO YOU UNDERSTAND IM FROTHING AT THE MOUTH!!!

I know I'm preaching to the choir here but READ FANFIC!! IF YOU LIKE A STORY THEN ENGAGE WITH THE FANFIC AND YOU WILL 100% OF THE TIME GAIN A DEEPER APPRECIATION FOR THE ORIGINAL MATERIAL I PROMISE YOU

Several fandoms now that I HAVEN'T been a part of even though I read the original - whether that's because I read it before I was online / on Tumblr, or before I had the critical thinking or emotional development to really appreciate it, or because it just didn't compel me at first glance, or because I didn't have the time - sometimes their fandoms DO cross my dash and then I go "Oh. OHHHH" and the entire thing gains 2-3 new dimensions with five minutes of reading and its like "okay yeah that's cool."

This is what I have my sideblog @tiffany-smith for - reblogging random, but good, fandom posts from fandoms I'm not part of or engaged in but whose source material I'm familiar with.

ENGAGE WITH YOUR FANDOMS!!

Origina post: https://www.tumblr.com/queer-as-used-by-tolkien/762079562551246848/yes-thiiiiiiissssss?source=share

[bonesandpoemsandflowers]

hey!!!!! i found this account recently and your info dumps and rants about poto are so based!!!! (coming from a high school student who loves gothic literature too).

what do you think about phantom of the opera attempting to defy tropes and cliches of the romantic era? considering that when gaston leroux wrote it when the era was coming to an end i’d like to think he said fuck it. and crafted poto to be a mockery of those romantic stereotypes ESPECIALLY with christine’s complexity and many facets …. what do you think? could be a really interesting thing to explore!! i am getting wayyy too deep

Lord, I'm not sure if I should be pleased or concerned that a high school student is describing my opinions as based at my age, but thanks. I had a high school PotO phase (naturally) and I've often reflected on how annoyed I would be if I had to face the current Discourse(tm) at that age. And also imo (naturally) there is no "too deep."

I do think that there's a lot to the idea that PotO is very much of its time. That is--it's so definitely post Romantic.

I wrote this in two separate sessions so I probably repeat myself, but:

have an essay, anon!

I don't think it's a mockery of the tropes as much as it is putting a bunch of the tropes in a blender. At the end of an era you have all these very familiar tropes to work with, so you can get weird about it. The audience already basically knows what to expect, so they're on familiar ground. Then you can fuck with them a little to make it your own.

It's like anything else going through phases: you get some critically claimed zombie shit (Romero's work or the walking dead first season) and then as time goes on people iterate and stunt on the genre so you get increasingly weird premises (what if zombies but mushrooms?) (what if zombie but stalker?) of varying degrees of seriousness and quality.

I'm not familiar enough with Gaston Leroux's other work, but I've read at least two scholarly pieces claiming that Erik is not just a mash up of established characters, but of mash up of Gaston's Leroux's own characters from other novels, specifically. So that's why some of his skillsets make no sense paired together: it's just a bunch of guys in there, wearing a trench coat full evening dress. And as a writer, I totally get this urge. "This guy was cool in this book, why not put him in this other book? Also he has an entirely new profession now. He went to trade school in the meantime or some shit."

Christine, though! This is trickier for me and shows my hand. I don't think I can as confidentially and easily toss off opinions about female characters in the Romantic and post Romantic eras. I'm going to reason through this as we go along. I have no idea what my conclusion is going to be because I have to check some dates first. I will give you my personal final answer for why Christine is as she is at the end, regardless.

So on one hand you have Frankenstein's Elizabeth in 1818, who, as far as I know, nobody is writing think pieces about. She's there, she's pretty and soft and good. She inspires Victor to think nice boy thoughts. Unless you know that first draft Victor was more explicitly modeled on Percy Shelley, you'd never know that first draft Elizabeth was based on Mary Shelley, because Elizabeth is almost a non-entity, while Mary Shelley was cool as fuck. Elizabeth is mostly there to be fridged--which I'm not necessarily against, because death and the maiden and blah blah blah and pretty dead girls is a horror genre motif specifically because people find it so tragic and moving. But also, like. Nobody's out here going, wow! Elizabeth! What a compelling female character! and if I did hear anybody say that, I would press x to doubt. Frankenstein is one of my favorite works of literature and I couldn't even remember Elizabeth's name for a solid three minutes.

But then, in 1847, you have Jane Eyre. And I don't know about you, anon, but I love Jane Eyre, and I love Jane. I was absolutely sitting there in AP Lit going "omg I'm such a Jane" and lusting over middle aged men. I think it's funny and great that it's taught in schools for that reason--Jane is basically your age when you read it! She's so relatable! She's whip smart and she's proud and she's struggling! What teenage girl isn't full of anguish and pride and internal screaming! People do write think pieces about Jane, as they should. And then, in 1897, you have Dracula. Which means you have Mina. And is anyone on earth arguing that Mina ISN'T great? She is also pure and good and blah blah--all the examples on this list are good girls and we'll get to that in a second--but she is, like Jane, very smart. She's using the cutting edge technology of her time! She's brave and clever and willing to fight against fucking Dracula. Mina rules. When I first read your ask, my first instinct here was to be dismissive of the idea that Christine is the result of rebellion against her era, because I specifically thought: well she's basically a Mina, isn't she? So not innovative at all. BUT. I think my first instinct was wrong, actually. Or at least: taking a lot for granted. Looking at the dates for the gothic classics I rattled off the top of my head--there's a progression there, isn't there? They're all Good Girls but the good girl gets smarter and more competent as time goes on. And Mina is cool but still part of the ensemble. Christine often gets co-billing with Erik or she's outright considered the main character. She gets a much bigger piece of the story pie.

And I think Christine is more emotionally nuanced than anyone else on this list. She's deftly navigating class differences (calling Raoul on his shit) (Mina never does that I recall--Jane does but that is central to her circumstances) and she's well aware of Erik's horror (you know, his everything) but book Christine is more emotionally savvy than most modern day readers in that she understands that Erik is to a great degree a product of his environment. I hate that people these days view Erik as a bad boyfriend metaphor. He's not. He is, as the book tells us over and over, a monster. And also…very human. And the way those things collide and what that means is the point of the book, and maybe the ending is too tidy but that the book has a happy ending is imo almost solely Christine's doing. Sure, the dagora and Raoul are doing stuff. But they might as well be mice in a fairy tale giving the dispossessed princess (and main character) advice on how to sort wheat in the moonlight or whatever. The person directly confronting the monster is Christine. And the person that grants him grace and thereby humanizes him…is Christine. Only Christine has this alchemical power in the novel. The dagora's been humanizing Erik for DECADES of in story time and apparently this hasn't accomplished shit. Furthermore, Christine's power here isn't something that Erik grants her because she doesn't humanize him with the Power of Music or whatever. It's her parsing things out and making choices. Christine's empathy is not a gift that Erik gives her; she has it from the start.

But it's a little tricky, right. It's too tidy. I'm letting it be tidy for now but as you know--I assume if you've been floating through my poorly tagged rants--I view PotO pretty exclusively through a monsterfucking lens and Christine might be the hero, but we, the audience, are supposed to identify with Erik and all that is monstrous in ourselves.

(have a tag mini essay about it here.)

but whatever! that's not the question!

The question being, as I understand it: is Christine's characterization in particular a reaction against the artistic context of Leroux's time?

and…yes and no?

Like if we look through our cherry-picked examples, there is a CLEAR progression in female character work. But these are stand outs and not necessarily representative. They are classics for a reason. And I suspect we can't forget genre here. Enduring gothic horror is pretty much always transgressive in some way. So a progression that we can track in THIS genre doesn't necessarily mean society or art on the whole was on the same track, let alone at the same pace. I would defer to the kind of weirdo that has more expertise than me here--the kind of person who deliberately reads forgotten or unclaimed period literature. Someone who really gets the artistic context of the time, not just the classics.

How much of that is Gaston Leroux on purpose, though, right? That’s more of what you mean, I think, and that’s what I should be answering. If I rephrase it to: do I think Christine is written that way on purpose? ABSOLUTELY, yes.

HOWEVER

I have a much simpler reason I think Gaston Leroux wrote a great female protag in 1909. And that is: Gaston Leroux fucks. As in, very literally went through a messy lady's man, spend his inheritance in brothels phase.

You might think I mean that in a bad way, but no. The right kind of personality doing this is someone who meets to and talks to a bunch of women. And if it's a man who happens to view women as people--and also views sex workers as human--a dude can come out of this phase really well rounded. Or: not every guy who goes to the strip club is a loser or a misogynist.

You are too young to remember this, anon, but [crone voice] time was, people thought Joss Whedon was a feminist writer. I got myself kicked out of TWO different feminist clubs in undergrad because everybody loved Buffy the Vampire Slayer and I was an asshole who said "Buffy the Vampire Slayer is shit." Or rather, it's fine, it's fun, but I don't view it as a feminist work and to me, Whedon was so obviously always a creep and none of his female characters ever resonated. (in all fairness to both undergrad clubs: I was an asshole. And I was very young, and I was frustrated by not having the language for what I meant yet. But my issues with Whedon could fill many other posts.)

There is a type of male writer that I describe as: this man has never talked to a woman in his goddamn life.

And that's not literally true; it's impossible for it to be literally true.

But I think it is basically true in that you have men who never talk to women unless they're trying to fuck them and even then only ever talk to them as vending machines they expect to spit out a fuck token if they hit the right word count. And it shows in their work! it shows! people are always surprised when a Louis CK type ends up with sexual misconduct accusations. people seem to think only Chads are predators. no! no no no no. The Neil Gaiman shit coming out recently, do you know who was surprised? NOT ME.

Which isn't to say you can't trust nerds ever. Nor am I saying that every man who blows his hereditament on hookers and blow is gonna be the kind of guy who actually has conversations with women.

What am I saying here? I am saying that I think Gaston Leroux was probably a pretty cool dude. He wrote Erik incredibly sexy despite literally everything and he wrote Christine brave and resourceful and willing to talk back to her pretty boy nobility love interest. That dude hung out with women. I am SURE of it. I do not think anyone could write a character as enduring as Erik, as bizarrely romantically and sexually appealing as Erik, without understanding what (some) women want, what (some) women like.

but here's something you didn't ask about--I called all these female characters good girls, right? And interestingly, arguably, both Mina and Christine have bad girl counterparts. Or Lucy isn't exactly a bad girl--until she's a vampire--but her three proposals a day are presented in contrast to Mina's already settled engagement. And Christine's story opens with Sorelli!

(I fucking love Sorelli)

Sorelli, who is Phillipe's mistress and carries a knife everywhere! GOD I LOVE HER. where was I.

anyway, good girls.

The ingénue.

I read The Phantom of the Opera for the first time when I was nine years old. I had to use my mom's paperback merriam webster dictionary to look up the word ingénue. I don't remember what I read but I remember very distinctly thinking: ah. not me, then.

which is an INSANE thought to have as a 9 year old!

but 9 year old me was right. by that point my family had lived in not one but several war zones and we had specifically been on a cartel hit list. I had seen people jump off a suicide bridge by our apartment.

The adults in my life, possibly because they were stressed out from living in a war zone, were all deeply committed to fucked up behaviors so that young me lived in a particularly gory telenovela. I knew what bombs sounded like and what gunshots sounded like and what bodies in the street looked like.

I had a shit and deeply weird childhood for reasons beyond all that, too, but the point is that I'm always arguing about this story with people from a certain kind of comfortable background that I just don't have. Didn't have, even at the time. I do not remember childhood as an idyllic time, as Bill Watterson once said.

so if you read PotO and you're not Christine

and you're not Raoul, because Raoul is a good girl except he's a boy and also rich and actual nobility, so therefore even less relatable

then who are you?

if you're weird and haunted and already feel different and other than your peers (and your peers can tell that there is, in fact, something wrong with you) (even if it's not your fault) and you read this book, who are you?

You're Erik. as stupid as that might sound. Even if you are, say, cute and small and nine years old.

and then, once I was older, once I re-read it and watched the 2005 movie and generally rediscovered the story post puberty, then I was like: oh my god he's HOT he's been hot this WHOLE TIME.

my initial reaction, even as a child, was sympathy and empathy and it is fuckin wild to me, my dude, that people keep reading this story in this day and age and they instantly align themselves against Erik because Erik is so immediately other. He immediately becomes a cipher for things they find monstrous. I genuinely feel there is some Jungian shadow shit happening here but it also makes me feel terribly cynical and un-ingénue all over again that people think Erik is about male entitlement or toxic relationships. It's always ERIK: SYMBOL OF BAD BOYFRIEND. and like, honestly? honestly? drives me fucking insane for reasons beyond the obvious, too. HOW COMFORTABLE ARE YOU IF YOUR ONLY CONTEXT FOR MONSTER IS TOXIC ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP?

not that, say, DV won't fucking kill you. but that's not even what most of the anti Erik crowd means. my point is merely that there are many more types of trauma, and many more types of monsters.

[also yeah planning to blow up an opera house is straight up evil, though. no excuses for mass murder events.]

But back to Erik—not that you even asked about Erik—I truly believe that there is a huge chunk of the audience with the media literacy of tin can of beans. I was haunting the PotO subreddit for a while and the takes are rancid. I really think a certain kind of reader—usually a woman—reads that Erik is ugly and Raoul is pretty and rich and noble, and that is somehow all they get from the work.

And that Erik—who is ugly—might feel normal human drives like lust or the desire to be loved is disgusting to these people. And they act like it. "This is a story about male entitlement!" No. It’s a story about human yearning. That some people react to yearning from an imperfect source with such visceral disgust is, you know, the entire point of the fucking book.

I preach to the choir, of course. It is on purpose. I am tired of arguing, of the expectation of being pious and apologetic before enjoying the work.

I logged out of reddit mostly to stop going to r/Box5. “And look how much healthier and hotter you’ve gotten in the past few months!” a friend said to me recently, which is a) kind of cringe and pathetic but also b) objectively true.

have you experienced love never dies yet so we can talk about how it's bad? no? SAVE YOURSELF, CHILD. RUN! RUN AWAY NOW BEFORE IT CATCHES YOU.

(LND is bad but compelling all the same. it's a disease.)

anyway, hope some of that is enlightening, thank you for stopping by and saying hi, and enjoy your future phantom adventures.

[compassionatereminders]

Wow the way some people will just... write the most malicious, aggressive, ESSAY length personal attacks in response to a wilful misinterpretation of four sentences I wrote about something entirely different...

[ryuichirou]

So do you have any more kuro ships, or is it just sebaciel and greenviolet?

Anon, I thought I’d just give you a link to the post where we mentioned our Kuro ships, but the post was written exactly a year ago (woah, this is freaky), and didn’t have a half of our ships, because after that point we read more manga and ended up having a lot of new ships.

So I wrote a new list and talked too much about everyone lol And I still think like I failed to mention a lot of ships and people…

A lot of these are “wow that would be hot” types of ships, and unfortunately I don’t have a lot of sketches (or any) for the majority of them, but maybe one day… I hope :”)

Beware of spoilers… and Ciel ships. A lot of Ciel ships.

Sebastian/Ciel – well that’s a given. Can’t talk about these two in this post, because it’ll be way too long, but maybe one day I’ll be enabled to write a long-ass essay about why they work so well as a ship… We used to dislike them lol mainly because we didn’t like Kuroshitsuji back in the day.

Undertaker/Ciel – not real!Ciel for now (haven’t seen a lot of him yet, so we’re a bit conflicted), just our og Ciel. Looking at some of the official arts, sometimes it feels like Kuroshitsuji is Yana’s sick “love” (heeeeavy quotes) triangle between Sebastian, Ciel, and Undertaker lol And this is much more complicated than that, but it’s still a fun idea, especially considering all the visual motifs and symbolism. But even without all that, Undertaker teases the hell out of Ciel, and this is always the best thing possible.

Lau/Ciel – speaking of teasing Ciel lol I love how annoying Lau is to Ciel sometimes, and how he is still one of the closest allies that he has. And Ciel doesn’t even trust him (or anyone), but is somehow okay enough with him to not only do business together but also play card games and such. I also love how to Lau, Ciel is like this ultimate entertainment: there is always something fucked up or fun going on in his house, so of course he’s going to come visit unannounced. Ciel is also pretty cute to him, and I can’t ignore this fact lol Of course he’d want him to wear a cute dress. This ship has a lot of aesthetic value…

Abberline/Ciel – “who?” you might say, and I shrug. Only the best character in the entirety of Kuroshitsuji? No biggie, really. In all honesty, this kind of started as a joke that went too far. For some reason, whenever Ciel sees an earnest man, he just can’t help himself and starts teasing (and straight up flirting with) him, and Abberline is very earnest. I love how he always teases him, how both he and Sebastian keep calling him “Underline” and stuff. It’s nothing too serious, but I feel like Ciel at the same time has some kind of a soft spot for Abberline because of how good-natured he is, and still is very condescending towards him somehow. Abberline is of course super oblivious and confused.

Diedrich/Vincent – this is pure insanity. I almost feel bad for Diedrich for putting this ship there, but it’s so stupidly entertaining, they are so great together, and by that I mean “wow Vincent really did fucked up this man’s entire life and went “I know you’re not going to do anything about it bitch <3””. They would make the best problematic sitcom about a toxic relationship…

Diedrich/Ciel – The Emerald Witch arc, man. It changes people. I can’t say that this is like a well thought-out ship, it’s mostly the whiplash from Ciel in a dress (again, for some reason) smugly commenting on how much Diedrich has changed that killed us. But all this aside, the idea of Diedrich being haunted by Vincent’s ghost he sees in Ciel’s eyes is also very amazing. Nothing healthy or good about that. But amazing.

Lau/Ran Mao – I’m sorry, these two are weirdly delightful. Maybe I just love Ran Mao too much and Katsu loves Lau too much, but the idea of them just always having the best of times together and being unapologetically horny while also actively making everybody around them sliiiightly uncomfortable is the best. Wait, what’s even better is the fact that they just keep lying about being siblings lol Are they doing that because everyone thinks that they are related because they think that all Asian people look the same? I hope they do.

Finnian/Ciel – these two really grew on us, well, we liked Finny even before due to his unhinged nature, and these two have a dynamc that is reeeally our cup of tea?? Very loyal but a bit naïve and absurdly strong (and creepy) boy + his young master?? Their interactions in the Emerald Witch Arc are wonderful. Finnian’s backstory is extremely sexy.

Finnian/Snake – really really love their dynamic and their bond, just two weird boys doing weird boys’ stuff. We haven’t read their part of the latest arc yet, but when we do, I’ll probably draw a couple of sketches of them, I really want to.

Greenhill/Violet – these two need no introduction… 🦁🐺💚💜 lovelies…

Redmond/Bluewer – while Herman and Gregory absolutely overshadowed these two, I want to note that we do love these boys too, and I really need to draw them too at least once. I still think about that one person who asked if we’re going to draw them… I feel so bad… they’re good together… I love smug assholes with glasses-wearing nerds…

Undertaker/Othello – these two are intriguing. What happened between you two? What’s going on now? The fact that Undertaker used to be so different from how we know him today is also very interesting, we would love to learn more about them, PLUS! Height difference + Othello cute.

Sebastian/William – I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THEM OH MY FUCKING GOD!! The Circus arc!! The amount of "mattaku"s William was sending Sebastian's way, talking shit about him all pettily, talking about how much he hated being stuck in the same tent as him, just how much more "please fuck me but I am playing hard to get though" can you get? I am sorry, this is our Sebastian/annoying shinigami ship.

Honorary mentions:

There are a lot of characters that we really love but don’t have any ships with (yet???), and examples would be Charles Grey, Cheslock, BLAVAT SKY!!!!!!!!, all the cunty boys from the Weston College arc LIKE MAURICE FOR EXAMPLE, Alois… kind of. Also women, but I’ll mention them later.

We love Alois very much, he is very special to us for a lot of reasons, but we didn’t really end up shipping-shipping him with Claude? I absolutely love Alois’ love for him, both in a shippy and in a character writing level, but Claude himself just doesn’t give back anything, which is exactly the point I guess. Ironically, this time around we got kind of invested in Claude/Ciel, because hoo boy this guy went absolutely bananas lol it was so entertaining to watch.

Ironically, the one character whose interactions with Alois we absolutely loved was Luka. And in a dramatic turn of events, the Shrouds ended up giving us a dynamic that is surprisingly similar to them, I guess Yana enjoyed these two as well. Well, you’ve probably heard us talking about this dynamic: “I would do anything for you even if it means everyone else dies, I just want you to be happy”, with a younger brother that looks so innocent but in actuality is very sinister and determined to do anything for his brother’s happiness. We ship them.

Also… Real Ciel? A can of worms that we aren’t quite ready to tackle yet lol Mostly because there’s little to no info about him yet.

Also also I can’t not mention women. Women of Kuroshitsuji are way too gorgeous, this isn’t fair. When Yana got asked about who she drew them for (considering the audience of the manga), she said that she drew them for herself and I felt it so much. Unfortunately, I can’t name any ship with them, but Nina, Jane, Mey-Rin and Ran Mao are… great. You can easily guess which arc completely annihilated me lol, I would love if it were a yuri manga….

Ending on a much less cursed note, we like Agni and Souma as a unit as well as their relationships and themes (and how they mirror Sebastian and Ciel), but we don’t ship them romantically because they’re not our type of relationship.

[blazehedgehog]

Do you have any idea why Tim Follin got stuck working on games that are almost all considered to be bad (except for possibly Plok! and Ecco)? I thought it would have been something about the British games industry, but Grant Kirkhope got to work on games that are considered at least flawed classics.

Because at the time the games didn't seem to be bad.

Like that's the thing to always keep in mind with old games that seem bad. It was the wild west. Nobody knew anything. When you're trying to establish what the idea of "fun" is, well, what is fun?

You can clone another game wholesale because you already know that game is fun, but why is it fun? What elements about it make it fun? When you slice away all the characters, all the graphics, all the music and presentation, what is the core gameplay heart that generates the fun?

Nowadays you have endless hours of video essays and entire books written on individual games. But back then? None of that existed. If you were lucky and rich enough maybe there was a BBS you could connect to that would let you chat with a few other garage developers, or maybe you'd meet up for drinks with some industry folks at a convention or whatever, but it's nothing like it is today. The resources and knowledge base were extremely small.

So you made a guess, and made a game around that guess, put that out into the world and observed what happened. If it sold well, you made more.

But sales have never been an indicator of quality. They're just sales. Maybe people buy it because they think the character looks funny, maybe the marketing hit really well, maybe you've got a license people have prior interest in, etc.

Which naturally leads to the next problem, which is trying to understand what you did right and how to expand and evolve on what you did right. And if you don't actually know what you're doing right, it could lead you in some very strange directions. With each game you stray, and stray, and stray...

And the public doesn't know either! Both the developer and the people buying the game could be completely wrong, but at this specific time, this specific place, with the standards and understanding of the era, nobody knows better. In the moment, it seems fun! It's not until 10, 15, 25+ years later that anyone realizes "Wow, this was actually awful."

Sometimes it wasn't awful! Sometimes one of those games got it right and the bar got raised a little bit. But it was a different time and standards were nothing like they are today.

And with Tim Follin specifically, he also notes that he wrote a lot of his music before the game itself had even been made. From Wikipedia:

"Particularly in the earlier days of his career, Follin often composed game soundtracks while the games themselves were still in the writing stages, meaning that there was usually no frame of reference or genre objective in mind."

So in a lot of cases he was just making whatever he thought sounded nice, and as long as he got paid for his work, nothing else really mattered.

Honestly? There's not much more you could ask for in life.

[flashfuture]

There is also an aspect to comics where we're super nitpicky because we sit on them for a long time without the full picture. And old comics have dozens to hundreds of misses. Bad plots, bad twist, weird overall and uncomfortable to read. But they're over and we can read them and move on and read something else right after instead of sitting for weeks with that one half finished plot arc.

Many of us in DC went wow Garth and Barry are acting incredibly bizarre. I even wrote an essay about how annoyed I was with Barry Allen like the day or two days before the big reveal. And what do you know they've both been possessed (By different things Garth is okay now)

But take Dick Grayson gets a secret sister who was adopted by the man who killed his parents. Terrible plot idea, and a terrible execution, Taylor also somehow managed to slip a racist remark in there about Roma, and generally nobody likes or cares about this sister. Seemingly not even Dick Grayson. But if you think about how he reacted during the Court of Owls plotline and wayyy back in the 1940s when a supposed Uncle showed up. Dick generally doesn't care at All about his biological family. His entire thing is chosen family. He's not going to suddenly trust his entire life with what is the most suspicious way to gain a sister ever when he can just pick up the phone and talk to the man who raised him or any number of the people who've been his siblings Longer. And with any luck she'll be retconned out of existence.

So while Tom Taylor writes boring Dick Grayson stories he doesn't write out of character Dick Grayson stories. He's the first one who I've felt is attempting to write a Dick Grayson that is a 30 year old man. I like the Pirate Bea arc. I like the heart stealer freak I like the little side quests Dick is on. I liked the pov issue. I think that there are interesting stories and good art buried in the monotony of Nightwing but it's not Bad.

Unlike over at Marvel Zeb Wells is writing what is majorly considered to be the worst Amazing Spider-Man run ever conceived to the point people are Anticipating the return of Ben and Kaine the two clones who people swore were the worst Spider-Man plot ever done. The Clone Saga was messsyyy and stressful but they really made something out of Ben and Kaine turning them into beloved characters. Do I think Mary Jane Watson should have superpowers? No I think her character is the last one to need them. Do I want to see Paul disintegrated? Yes absolutely. But the main issue people, myself included, take with this Spider-Man run is the insult to Spider-Man. The complete lack of understanding of his powers and skillset. The lack of understanding about his relationship with other heroes. It's like trying to make Peter Parker who should be a 30 year old man a 17 year old again. And Zeb Wells must be kicked off the book ASAP.

[cboffshore]

Hey there - I'm Lila!

If you're seeing this, it could mean any of the following: you're already a mutual, you like Ninjago, you really like Ninjago's infamous (ha!) sixth season Skybound, or you know me from something else entirely. Or it's none of those and you've just taken a super wrong turn. No matter what - I'm glad you're here!

Join me under the cut for a more detailed look at my account, or just venture off on your own - the choice is yours.

WHO I AM & WHERE TO FIND ME

You can call me Lila! I've been around the Ninjago fandom since 2011 under a whole bunch of different names and accounts, with all the bizarre stories and memories to show for it. Now, though, you can find me under one of two handles: @cboffshore (here and on Bluesky, where I'm not all that active, but it sure beats Twitter!) or OffshoreWriter over on AO3.

My title as Skybound Analysis PhD holder was born from a joke (initially given to me when I overanalyzed Skybound's color scheme and then Flintlocke's development in a Discord server) but grew into, well, not a joke; I take Skybound about as seriously as someone can take a toy commercial cartoon. Through all of my years in the Ninjago fandom, I've never seen a season as misunderstood and contentious as Skybound. Unfortunately, I happen to like it a lot for what it is, and I'm willing to defend it very hard (but don't get me wrong, I know it's got flaws! I'm not completely nuts!). Read this ask for a detailed overview of my position on Skybound analysis.

Outside of Ninjago overanalysis, I'm into a few other things: crocheting, the occasional piece of digital art, music (special faves include I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME, Fall Out Boy, and My Chemical Romance), and Bionicle (but only on a casual "wow cool vibes and killer writing" basis because that timeline does NOT make sense to me.).

SOME STUFF I DO

The best way to get into my work is just to explore all the nooks and crannies of my blog, but for those of you in a rush, here are links to some of my favorite projects:

On Sea, Sunlight, and Sky, aka OSSAS, is what I'd consider the crown jewel of my AO3 catalog: a Nya-centric series diving into her experience during the last few episodes of Skybound. Updated every December until I decide to lay her to rest (which, by the looks of it, will be the 2024 installment), this is my longest-term project that exemplifies how I approach Skybound as a season. If you only check out one corner of my work, make it OSSAS. You can find all things OSSAS under #ossas tag here on my blog (newcomers beware of spoilers!)

Yours To Keep: Rethinking Skybound Through Fashion is an older project of mine that blends fashion design and Nadakhan character analysis. As in, I drew a trio of banger outfits and then wrote essays about what all their details meant. Trust me on this, it's a cool one! (This is a holdover from when my fandom involvement was almost exclusively Ninjago character analysis-based couture fashion art... you can thank Giles Panton for that.)

Sorrow is All The Rage: An Analysis of Sexual Assault in Jay-Centric Skybound Fanfiction is a two (technically, three) part essay detailing my attempts to come to terms with the (frankly rather concerning) trend of gratuitous SA inclusion in a surprising swath of popular Skybound fanfiction. (Spoiler alert: I still think it's weird as hell and I haven't come to terms with it... but I have gotten way better at using the block button to keep it out of my line of sight.) The link in the title will take you to part one; part two is linked at the end, and part three's mini update is lurking somewhere in those tags. Please note: this essay is not an attack, or a condemnation, although it may come across that way at times. This was written largely as a vent piece about an issue that has disturbed me deeply and affected how I go about interpreting Skybound, and that definitely impacted my tone. If you'd like to reference this for any reason, or if you have any questions, please shoot me an ask or DM.

[cuecrynsleep]

i had such a strong reaction to the latest installment of reconnecting the past that i felt the need to come and send you an ask directly about it because oh my GOD. literally sitting at my work desk silently losing it over amanda's conversation with tommy right on the heels of everything arasha saw about the amangela dynamic. How did you DO THIS SO BEAUTIFULLY. HOLY SHIT. i emitted an audible 'AUGh?" when i was reading it and im like. still giddy thinking about it. wow.

anyway to avoid writing (another) essay about it suffice it to say. fucking beautiful characterization work. i am enjoying it so much. it is sending me up the walls and scampering around my room in the best way and i am so excited and slightly terrified to find out what happens next. thank u for ur work.

-shesmore-shoebill

I’m so happy people can react over anything I write, it makes me all giddy. ESPECIALLY at work and having to be silent about freaking out asdfghkklll. So very real. I also ADORE all your essays and things you notice about my writing and characterizations of everyone. Especially because I’m overthinking incarnate so my mind is a jumbled mess. Thank you @shesmore-shoebill so as a treat a mini insight into this chapter.

When writing the rough draft for this chapter the first thing I wrote in my notes was “Finally seeds are planted and Amanda is gay.” Hence why the entire chapter was practically everyone connecting some dots and for Amanda it’s just not clicking yet. As people say ignorance is bliss.

Realizing “girls also nice yes” is a whole ass journey and the early phases of it is hard to write individually because the person just acts how they usually do. Which is why I thought having it be shown through Arasha’s input + Tommy’s outside perspective was my best bet. Also because of who they are in this story to Amanda. Arasha who mainly knew Amanda during Uni vs Tommy who only knows Amanda currently. Also because outsiders perspective wooooo.

Thank you so much for all the praises and support on Reconnecting the Past it truly means so much to me.