#wouldn't recommend the experience
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friendly reminder that you can still get covid in 2024, we're in the middle of a massive wave right now and covid is NOT "just a cold". take necessary precautions in crowded places, on buses, on train, or on planes. it's better enduring a few strange looks when wearing a mask than getting ill and/or (god forbid) lifelong complications from long covid!
oh also, if you've got symptoms–yes it's a pain to have to buy a test–but PLEASE test. we're still in the middle of a pandemic however much we all want to forget that fact and we can still do our bit to protect others!
#speaking from someone who's currently on her covid sickbed from the eras tour#it's not fun out here! i haven't slept for coughing i've been running a low grade fever for days and my hair follicles hurt!#covid isn't over#covid#covid 19#fi's covid content#i've also had long covid before and i really hope this doesn't bring it back and there's no way of knowing so all around#wouldn't recommend the experience
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your dread piece makes me nauseous with recognition. there's been so many times when i've been in a happy situation with people i love and im just struck with emotional agony, and i cant say a word. too real. fantastic work.
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#thank you!#I know the feeling all too well so it's nice to hear I was able to convey it effectively#answered#anonymous#cw mental health talk#I personally struggle with panic attacks and occasional autistic shutdowns and they just put you in the weirdest headspaces#especially when you're out with someone and suddenly the world is falling apart and your head is full of cotton wool and thumbtacks#and you forget how to speak so there's no way to communicate your distress or ask for a breather#things just speed wildly past you and you can't process any of it#and you know from previous experiences that it's just a panic attack it's harmless it'll pass soon#but at that moment you sure feel like you're about to lose your mind or die#doesn't feel good wouldn't recommend
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Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!
You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!
You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!
You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!
Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!
Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!
So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.
Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!
You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.
Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!
Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.
Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.
Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*
Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...
Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.
Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.
Better not get confident.
Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)
Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people
- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties
- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations
- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you
- you might start loving the effect you have on a room
- you might enjoy conversations more
- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently
- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations
- you might stop apologizing so much.
- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.
Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!
Why, it would be carnage!!
In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!
If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:
- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.
- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.
- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.
- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.
You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.
So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.
#social skills#i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag#original#maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title#in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You'#or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am#challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong.#and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment#for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the#most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than#most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny#(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility.#and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by#being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating#i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate#I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity.#when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to#really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would#go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people#it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party'#it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them#stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!'#I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in#order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially#autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules#and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules#but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!!#i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird??#I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind.#also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too
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it is once again time to be mentally unwell (playing lemon by kenshi yonezu on loop for several hours)
#kenshi yonezu#lemon#kenshi yonezu lemon#music#beep#i'm listening to it on koss porta pro headphones which is a cool experience bc they make stuff sound kinda warm + analog#so it's different but i kind of like it. i wouldn't use them for everything but it's fun once in a while#i feel like more neutral headphones are best for regular use because you get to hear the music the way it was intended#but listening on headphones with a specific type of sound sometimes lets you hear aspects of a song you didn't notice before which is neat#i definitely recommend trying it out once in a while
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"Go to hell, Chosen"
An eye for an eye, am i right?
You guys are so right
#animation vs animator#ava the dark lord#ava the chosen one#alan becker#my art#i had to remember what spiders look like#not a fun experience 0/10 wouldn't recommend
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Any monsterfucker romances recs since Halloween is upon us?
I haven't read a ton of monster romance, but I'd recommend these"
Hollow by C.M. Nascosta seems like necessary Halloween reading for me. It's a two-story bind-up in which one of the stories involves Katrina falling for the headless horseman and looking for a way for them to be together... Kind of a dark way.... And the other of which is Ichabod Crane getting railed in a locker room by two headless horsemen. I am not kidd.
Then there's Nascosta's Run, Run Rabbit, my favorite things she's done, about werewolf lawyers fucking nasty because they hate each other and then falling in love by accident. This is VERY wolfy, and involves some shifted sex, which is why I'll include it under monsterfucking (which I see as something separate from like, normal paranormal romance that has more humanoid characters).
How to Marry a Marble Marquis by Nascosta is a historical monster romance in which the (human) heroine is trying to find a husband, and seeks help from a slutty gargoyle marquis who is totally fine with her using him to get off while he's sleeping (and also a statue), among other things. Historical romance girlies, this is for youuuu
A Lady of Rooksgrave Manor by Kathryn Moon is a polyamorous erotic historical monster romance. The heroine is a sex worker who takes on the job to sleep with monsters and keep them happy, but she ends up making a real relationship with... a handful of them. I think there's a sphynx, a vampire, a Jekyll/Hyde type, a gollum, an inviisble dude, and... I think that's it but I HONESTLY can't be sure. The Basilisk of Star Manor is set in the same world, but the heroine only handles one guy. A basilisk.
Bound to the Shadow Prince by Ruby Dixon is a fun fantasy romance in which the hero is a GIANT GARGOYLE THING. And also a virgin! The heroine is a princess who must fulfill this like, ancient rite thing by staying locked in a castle with him for... seven years, I wanna say? But then they get horny. As one does.
And then, if you are down for more conventional paranormals... Immortals After Dark has vampires, werewolves, ghosts, demons, witches, sorceresses, that one guy with wings, valkyries, succubi.... It's just got a lot. Lothaire awaits, people. Every romance reader has gotta read Lothaire. (Unless, you know, it would be harmful lol.) Come on now. Everyone says you've gotta read for the blood blowjob, but A Hunger Like No Other has a blood blowjob. Lothaire has a blood 69 lmao
#romance novel blogging#book recs#romance novels#but also there are other IAD books i'd recommend reading before lothaire...... however i'm told lothaire can be read as a standalone#I just didn't so i wouldn't know what that experience is like#i'm sure it's fine#this is my emotional support evil vampire and the trailer trash girl who makes him cry like a little bitch!
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So my roommate and I are quarantined together because we both got COVID together, and I convinced them to listen to the entirety of Epic: the Musical (which, if you didn't know, is a musical retelling of the Odyssey and is full of absolutely GORGEOUS music made by extremely skilled peoples, but it is a retelling of the Odyssey so it gets dark and sad sometimes). They then did so in one sitting, and I wrote down their comments for the entire time because we were stuck together and they had a lot to say. (Don't worry, they gave permission for me to post this to "the forums" because the people would like it, even though I didn't ask to. Great fun, this roommate.)
(I think it's worth noting that I've gotten into the habit of saying "like the musical?" whenever they say "epic", which is quite frequently. We happen to be the pinnacle of humor.)
If you still haven't listened to Epic, go do that and then come back here (it's only a little under 2 hours as of writing this!). The following contains spoilers up through the Wisdom Saga and Hold Them Down (which has not been released yet but there are clips, and I hope that's the actual title but I don't know).
Final warning! Go listen to it if you haven't! You can find it on YouTube and Spotify, probably other places as well but those are the ones I know of.
Heads up for strong language. My roommate swears.
"Full speed ahead = this guy loves his wife"
"Fire but no smoke???? Guys do NOT go to that island"
"Bro do not go to the cave. Bro, they're going to the cave, fucking idiots."
"Bruhhhh… all his men are getting hit by the club! Dumbass. That's why you don't go into the fucking cave."
"Broooo… these guys are DEFINITELY gonna open the bag! I mean cuz there are like four other parts… so there's no way they make it home."
"Bruh… fucking idiots… opening the bag!"
"Yoooo, Poseidon just showed up!"
"Wouldn't you like is FIREEEE"
"Brooo… this guy's gonna cheat on his wife with a nymph."
"Bro this guy's cheatin' on his wife! This guy's cheatin' on his wife! Guys! This guy's cheatin' on his wife!"
"Mmmm… is he gonna cheat on his wife? I feel like it's implied that he's gonna cheat on his wife. Because that's what happened in the book, he had sex with everybody. Then he got home and got mad at his wife. But HE'S the slut!"
"Oh he's not cheating on his wife."
"Bruh… he lowkey wants to cheat on his wife. He kinda wants to cheat on his wife! Okay, whatever."
"Oh, well the prophet is dead. Oh shit they gotta go to the underworld!"
"Uh oh it's the underworld time! Wait I'm almost at the Monster Energy song."
"Oh shit 558 men died because of this guy? Oh it's all his dead men being like, what the hell."
"BRUHHH HIS MOM DIED??? Goddamn. Bruh his mom died while he was gone, that's so sad!"
"Come on… come on… monster! Yes!"
"Whatever. No longer you is taking 3 million years to end, hurry up!"
They made this instead of listening to the song and had to go back to actually hear it:
"Well now he's gonna be evil for real because everyone's telling him ruthlessness is mercy. And he's like, well if everyone's telling me to do it."
"Ooh thunder saga, I bet it's Zeus. Epic Zeus moment!"
"Wait he has a daughter? I thought he had a son. Oh I bet it's an evil siren thing."
"Bro he's getting tricked, his ass is getting tricked!"
"This guy's… this guy's crazy. This guy's getting tricked! It's not Penelope!"
"Oh he knew that, he knew it. Whatever. Whatever. Okay. It's so fucking emo."
"Haha he doesn't have a daughter. I remembered."
"Bruh, everyone's mad at him for missing his wife. You'd let your men die to see your wife? Um, why don't you just survive? Skill issue."
"Oh my god fucking dumbass killed the cow. Idiot idiot idiot. Apollo's gonna get your fucking ass. Dude! These guys keep killing cattle that don't belong to them."
"Ooh this is awesome. Odysseus has to choose between his own life and his men. I feel like he's gonna choose his own life. Because they all suck and they're fucking stupid."
"Oooh, who is he gonna choose, I feel like he's gonna choose himself! Because his crew is all fucking stupid!"
"(gasp) he picked himself! Because he loves his wife so much!"
"(gasp)"
"Oh it's his son or whatever."
"Everyone wants to fuck his mom!"
"Don't call her a tramp."
"Awesome Athena moment."
"No, Athena! Don't blame yourself for Odysseus being a piece of shit. He kinda did that to himself."
"Is it mean to think his son is kind of annoying?"
"I just like Athena when she's being kind of mean. Like I don't care that she's being nice right now."
"Bruh! Oh my god he just keeps getting trapped. Stupid."
"Everyone wants Odysseus. I feel like it would be more interesting if he cheated on his wife."
"I guess it would be too much like Hamilton if he cheated on his wife."
"Bro he's gonna kill himself!"
"That's so annoying. If he's just gonna kill himself after killing all his men… I don't know…"
"Oh Aphrodite's voice is so epic."
"Oh they just made him not cheat on his wife so that Hera would like him!"
"That was fire! That was pretty epic!"
Bonus, re: Telemachus Me: "Be nice to him!" Them: "I'll probably like him more after they try to kill him. You can write that one down too."
#epic the musical#epic musical#text post#wr3nns ramblings#they really enjoyed it. their favorite was Wouldn't You Like (an absolute banger)#they have now listened to it 35 times according to Spotify. For reference they listened to all of Epic on September 05#the ones they saved are Just A Man; My Goodbye; Wouldn't You Like; and Thunder Bringer. Good taste#also they wanted to tell everyone to watch Better Call Saul. I am but the messenger#they've been introducing me to it recently (because quarantine and we are going crazy) and it's been such an experience#My favorites are Warrior of the Mind; the entire Ocean Saga but especially Storm; Wouldn't You Like; Puppeteer; Monster; Scylla;#Mutiny; and Little Wolf#I know it's so hard to pick. Storm and Monster might be my all-time favorites though#but you have to listen to them in order or it won't make sense. when I was first introduced to Epic through a WolfyTheWitch animatic it was#NOT in order. and it continued that way with animatics until I recently went through the entire thing and suddenly it all made sense#good musical. highly recommend#long post#read more#image
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it's genuinely very sad that so many of you guys have never seen breaking bad it's unironically one of my fave shows ever ever Ever and probably always will be. absolutely indefensible in terms of diverse casting or unproblematic representation, but also like...... So Fucking Good.
#if u cant stand to watch white men though i do not recommend it at all.#otherwise. Everything I Could Ever Want In A Show#god what if i streamed breaking bad sometime. would any of the childrens cartoon enjoyers here want to experience something that is uh#not. a children's cartoon in the slightest.#it really is so good. sorry for having the same taste in television/movies as my terrible father#if i didnt though i wouldn't be able to write characters getting at each other's throats with NEARLY the same level of mess.#breaking bad
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no one will ever know or watch any of the TVB dramas that inspired some of my fics 😔
#brought to you by the “Lives of Omission” theme coming up on shuffle#ok so i wouldn't even recommend them#it's very much “this would be better with my blorbos”#TVB series have the unfortunate tendency to fall apart in story and pacing in like the last two episodes#they often have compelling characters though#mid Hong Kong dramas from the 2000s and early 2010s are so formative to my writing experience you don't even understand
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Just saw Kiefer Sutherland live.
I hotta admit I mainly wanted to go cause I basically grew up with his movies and wasn't that familiar with his music.
I expected some decent Country, but there were some serious Rock'nRoll vibes going on, too.
The old man can rock, it was pretty rad.
#kiefer sutherland#concert#full of love#kiefer Sutherland full of love tour#and oh boy it was loud#I usually plug my ears a bit but thought I wouldn't need to#yeah I'll be yelling at folks for a while#Kiefer talked a lot about his process#and he had an awesome band#great experience all around#do recommend
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saiki with psychosis has my heart but at the same time i really don't want him to have that, you know? is this anything
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in yet another W for lovelessness, the concept exists
#for you & for me & for them....#always Zany how yknow people would supposedly look at others Without Love (as an experience in whatever way) as Smhly Pitiable#but generally people are bothered by it in a way where those not experiencing Love properly are contemptible Others#so unsurprisingly the same response as in Any othering. like supposedly ah the pitiably Impoverished; pitiably Disabled....#but that's only for the completely abstract ''true'' victim & even like Guys You Make Up To Get Mad At who are poor are Bad People obv#like completely hypothetically like ah these pathetic souls so worse off than us. we must bravely sympathetize from afar or save them#and then really it's like well if you don't have Family there's romance that must make up for it. no Romance? family must make up for it#then comes Friendship as a fallback if you don't have either. & that if even that fails your Good Personness ought to appeal to strangers#since semi/public existence at work; school; existing in public outside that is totally a Securely Neutral Interpersonal Meritocracy#ah seems if the community (who? what?) doesn't rally around Recognition of your worth then uh. someone doesn't Have worth#or just any situation where there's a Difference to argue against & just make something up like uhh if ppl had babies they wouldnt do this#if people had success in the realm of Family Friendship Dating Marriage they wouldn't do this. surely#like can't imagine you yourself would have worth & not be required to kys in some hypothetical without ''''love'''' in w/e Proper ways?#yet it's the imagined or Actual But Not Listened To / victim blamed / scapegoated isolated parties who totally hate themselves#Or Sure Ought To; you say....#they sure Must have to hate themselves if you think your value is Evinced in what you have but they don't have/want/espouse#just pick any Difference to Argue Against but without engaging in info / reasons in earnest i.e. time to just make up some shit; like#uh i think the reason some people....are comfortable with heights is that they are definitely experiencing it as a Thrill that they ought#to be getting their daily recommended value of through the Exciting Uncertainty of A Friendly Chat but aren't :( get well soon
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idk, i just think that (to a point) Everyone's a product of the media they consume. that's why certain media is called 'formative', esp if you watched it young. one thing you watched/read could’ve lead to an interest which could’ve gotten you to learn/participate in/avoid something you wouldn’t have otherwise. take away all the books you’ve read, movies you’ve watched, music you've listened to, etc etc- you’re likely a totally different person. which is neither good nor bad, that's just called being a person who lives on planet earth.
#if i went back in time to middle school and made it so twilight wasn't on hold and i finally read at the age of 11#pretty sure i could've become a twilight fan (opening a whole new branch of who i could turn out to be)#or how i was This Close to becoming a directioner (and i probably would've been a whole new person due to that)#or how i only got into doctor who because i was recommended hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy (my first real intro to scifi books)#and without that i probably wouldn't have stayed on tumblr (which i only made bc of my interest in animation (more media consumption lol))#bc it's the who in superwholock that cemented my desire to make an account#or if i hadn't thought the violin looked cool bc i saw it in a movie then i wouldn'tve joined orchestra in 6th grade#(and then discovered i hated orchestra so then i joined band. and then i was offered the choice of baritone or sax and i chose baritone)#and marching band (which i later joined) defined all 4 years of my high school#something that straight up would not have happened if i hadn't thought a violin player looked cool in a movie i saw as a kid#boom! butterfly effect!#so who am i without all these experiences bc of the media i consumed? idk. if they exist in an alternate timeline#without any of the things that make me Me#that's a stranger for all intents and purposes#rambles
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Feeling like absolute dogshit today and I've no clue what to do... Send help
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kind of sad that blocking a bunch of people isolates me from broader community events however i'd much rather keep my online feed pleasantly surfable no matter what. and i can just make my own things. which is exactly what i've been doing
#wrestling became about personal enjoyment over community for me sometime this year...#mostly because the community on here is a hodgepodge of a bunch of closed-off cliques. from my experience at least#and i wouldn't say i necessarily recommend doing this but it's made me a lot happier and changed how i relate to my interests#just post whatever you want and talk about the things you like with people you like... that's my advice
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AAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR TAGS ON KNUCKLES & CALLOUSES 😭😭😭 I'M SO SO GLAD YOU ENJOYED IT!!!!! I LOVED YOUR IDEA SM I'M HAPPY I WROTE IT WELL AND I'M SORRY YOU WOKE UP SO MANY TIMES DD: THAT SOUNDS HORRIBLE PLEASE STAY HYRDATED TODAY AND I HOPE YOU CAN TAKE A NAP OR SLEEP BETTER TONIGHT!!! YOU'RE AT THE TIPPY TOP OF MY HEART FRANS <3 THANK U FOR BEING SO SWEET ILY ILY ILY!!!!
I ENJOYED IT MORE THAN ANYTHING NESS PLS i swore my jaw was gonna fall off from smiling the whole time i was reading it and i was sure my voice box is a step closer to returement now from my squeeling and screaming</3 I WOULDN'T MIND IF IT WAS BC OF YOUR WORKS THOUGH OH NO NOT AT ALL
literally me the whole time while reading
#and yeah I wouldn't really recommend the experience but#knuckles and callouses made up for it 200% ong#BUT SAME TO YOUUU#PLEASE PLEASE STAY HYDRATED AND FED#AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD NIGHT'S REST LATER !!#PLS DON'T OVERWORK URSELF AS WELL!!#and thank YOU for being so sweet and hardworking and everything that u are#🖇️frans; [ moots !! ]#TAG FOR U#it rhymes#i love that it rhymes#i did that on purpose#yknow i did#i had to#𐙚 ness the loveliest !!
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