#would you believe me if I said this isn't even the worst thing I've drawn of him

[deva-arts]

Yes

Sexiest man alive.

[dead-narrator]

It hits me in the dead of night...

My hand is drawn to the pencil on my desk, the paper laying dead and dormant beside it. Creativity is the worst demon of them all, a muse everending. I can feel my fingers stiffen and write letters upon letters of nonsensical gibberish. Her sweet lullaby whispering me into a stick of graphite, a blot of ink, a stroke of paint or luck or genius. She gives me gifts of eternal life, only asking in return my memory, my sanity, my hopes and dreams. A cruel fate to the believers of her lies. Woe is me.

I want to rip my throat out. Stop screaming. Stop repeating. Sing until your lungs fill with our blood and your mind melts into soup, pouring out your ears.

My hand moves on its own. A creature devised from its own inception. It cannot die for every mention of it will forever assure its place. She stares at me. Over my shoulder as I look out over an unfamiliar nostalgia. As painless and horrible as-

You know, I've been thinking of my need for fame- no, fame isn't the right word... No- influence isn't any better, I want to say it comes less from a sense of wanting power or control, but rather the desire to be understood. I want others to recognize what I see, what I feel as real and valid. I want the pressure and the visions of swirling rose-gold silk and purple amber hearts beating to be pretended to be seen as real as staring at a dog pissing in a park. For others to know that while all of it is in your head, the pull you have is something that is as natural as gravity. To feel such burning, all-consuming passion or emotion that the only thing you can do with it is sit in a silent room, carve your nails deep under your skin-

Scream a nameless song for me, little bird.

-until your body begins to bleed in retribution and then a bit more because your heart wasn't satisfied with the realness of the moment. I desperately need someone to feel as numb and content and pained and empty and blissful and utterly irate all at the same time as I do when I experience...

When I was young, my family had a garden. We sat in the dead Strawberry bushes late unto the night wishing upon the stars. My mother asked me, "Have you ever heard the story of the prince who knew nothing?"

I wish I could go back to that point. I wish I were a child. I wish I knew nothing. But alas, not even the prince can control the spiral he set himself upon, asking the wisest sages the grains of sand in the sky, or the number of stars in all the beaches of the world.

as when I experience something that moves me. That piece you wrote that moved me.

I remember my mother hiding a crown in the back area of our backyard. "A gift from the fairies," she said as I gently picked up the metal laurels and placed them on my head.

Stigmata. Break my neck.

As a child I have always been told to look people in the eye when they talk to me. I was awful at listening, the looks of theirs were too much for me to bear, they say the eyes are windows, but the eyes are nothing more than empty pockets of void that sneak into your mind and steal a piece of your soul when you let your guard down.

Don't let them see what you're not worth. Remove your name, it is unimportant.

They make you think what you're feeling isn't that bad, that it isn't real- but it is real, you proved it to be real. You showed me that in your piece: The silent melody, the wistful colors, the emphasis of words all spoke to that core that I thought I had lost. It's been almost 20 years since you've come back from who knows where-

She draws ever closer, the night winds howling between her teeth. Her eyes clicking with each breath of air I take. Unrighteous of the gifts given. I know my my end has dawned.

and god I hate myself for what I'm doing to you, I'm so, so sorry.

The fire in your voice begins to fade as we name the sound a false god.

Rest well whoever you were. We will miss you.

I just need to know, what did you see when you looked into the eyes of the people whose lives you knew would change forever?

Perhaps I'll be back. She will make it so to eat you too.

What did you see in mine?

Rest those voids inside your mouth and chew your visage raw. The warm, sweet, ambrosia inside stumbling down our cheeks. Let me feast what's left of us. Choke on what you failed to see.

Goodnight, my Prince.

[burning-sol]

Ranking JRWI PC meetups (not listing campaigns where the characters already knew each other so sorry Riptide):

Apotheosis: Everything about their meet up is spectacular and great characterisation and sets up conflicts between the characters.. It's easy in other situations for the meetup of PCs to feel forced, but here it's that unnatural pull that is weaponised to make Rumi's character SO much more interesting. Like the whole idea of Rumi being willing to drag Peter into their world, to recruit Thanatos despite being so clearly immoral, to be dismissive of Exandroth in favour of Peter.. The absolute brilliance of this cannot be understated.

Wonderlust: Also REALLY good and future context might make this intro even better once we get into the series- honestly would not blame people if they rank this over Apotheosis because it's amazing. Blink has such good characterisation through backstory and actions, it 100% makes sense that Blink would help Troy, it feels very very natural. And the fact that through Runt's backstory we get a REALLY good reason for Runt to join up with the group too?? There's such a coherent world here, all the characters are believably being pulled together, truly amazing.

Prime Defenders (Prequel): I'm honestly not sure where to rank this because I think while the meetup was really effective and funny, it's also a very simple premise. I'm ranking it third because I did enjoy it but I did consider ranking it fourth because the Suckening did have more on its plate than what the Prime Force did, you know? But at the end of the day, I would rather rewatch this instead because I found it funnier that all the caretakers on a school trip got turned into superheroes than some random vampires happen to stumble into each other and struggle to find a reason to hang out.

Suckening: The Suckening isn't my fav in terms of meetups but, I've said it before and will say it again, these characters seem like they were gonna be tough to bring together regardless of how you spun it. I think Arthur is the main issue since Arthur just clearly didn't want to be responsible for the other two, he was doing his own thing?? Shilo was trying his best, but characters don't gel well together when one of them wants to clearly not be there. It's in character but doesn't necessarily flow that well.. But aside from that, they still find a reason to all come together in a way that makes sense, so it's not the worst.

Fated: I'm sorry but Fated has such a BAD meetup I swear. It doesn't feel like the characters are naturally drawn together, it feels like they interact with each other because they're in a video game lobby and know everybody else in the world are NPCs who aren't worth talking to. Their introductions are FUNNY, but I don't immediately get a sense there's any reason for them to be hanging out the way they are. Do you get what I mean when I say it's like they were all put into a Gmod map and Br'aad has walked up to Taxi trying to start Gmod roleplay. Fucking hilarious but not that immersive.

And if you disagree w/ me that okay.

[katsotherworld]

Book 3 Chosen House of Night

My ramblings throughout the book.

Shawnee is described as caramel colored.

"Man purse" as opposed to just a purse or a bag?

I totally agree that birthday gifts that are holiday themed just because its the day of or right before/after is stupid, unless the birthday person is obviously and overjoyously a fan of said holiday.

Like you don't give Christmas themed gifts on Christmas, so why would you if they're born in December?

Heath coming in to save/ruin the day by revealing Zoe's birthday hatred lol.

Ok, 16/17 is old enough to realize that 50 something isn't that old.

Of course The People of Faith have their own edition of the Bible.

I hate that Linda was manipulated and abused into cutting off her daughter and mother. And when she wanted to free it was at one of the worst moments.

Also, does Zoey never miss her siblings? She doesn't seem to care about them at this point in the series.

I'm definitely remembering why I hated Eric, like I remembered but now I'm really remembering.

Also, Zoey's slut shaming is fucking annoying, like honey, it's normal to be sexually interested if you're interested in sex.

I want Stark, not Eric, like I just want my archer baby not the asshole actor who has a lesson to learn thst isn't learned for a few more books.

"Kinky Freak Boy" that's just so gross Zoey.

And Eric is right about Loren looking at Zoey not like a student and he's her teacher.

Teenagers should be taught what Grooming is, I wish they'd have called it that in these books because its Grooming and teens are so unaware about things that they don't realize an adult shouldn't be interested in them.

"Shawnee's chocolate colored eyes"

"He called me a woman." "He always mademe feel so grown, so womanly" statements made from a teen girl about a adult man grooming her.

"I've always been drawn to confident woman. You don't any idea how how special you are, do you Zoey? You're unique, not like any of those other fledglings. You're a goddess among those who think themselves demi-gods."

"I thought adult vampires weren't supposed to have relationships with fledglings.

"We're not supposed to, its highly improper. But sometimes there's an attraction between two people that transcends the vampire fledgling boundary, as well as age and impropriety. Do you believe in that kind of attraction, Zoey?"

"I didn't like seeing his [the age appropriate boyfriend] hands all over you?" Loren Blake

"I dont have any right to be angry at you for being eith Eric, it's not even my business." Loren Blake

"Do you want it to be you're business?" Zoey Redbird.

"More than I can tell you. I belive its my turn for a birthday kiss." Loren Blake

"No one can know about us" kisses her then proceeds to give her diamond earrings.

After being invited back to the teacher's room for sex she then panics because she doesn't want to have sex yet, but wants an excuse that isn't "juvenile"

I'll be waiting for you to come put me out of my misery.

"As I said, You're not like the rest of those fledgling children. And I happen to adhere to the belief that some rules are meant to be broken." -groomer Loren Blake again.

Also, if Nyx gives Zoe all these gut feelings why wouldn't she stop her from getting raped by Loren.

Nyx waits till after Zoe is imprinted with an adult vampire to let her know not to trust him with knowing Negerete's dark deeds.

Why didn't Nyx stop this shit.

Zoe deserved better than walking in on the Neferet and Loren situation.

God, Zoey's friends fucking suck. Like why the fuck are they so stupid. Like so fucking stupid. And if anyone would be aware of fucking GROOMING Damian would know that Loren was fucking in the wrong. I get the twins being a little awkward about it but Damien should know that he was Grooming her.

And so begins the Eric showing his true colors saga.

I just love Stevie Rae.

Zoe not knowing what the mysterious excruciating pain is sucks for her from a lack of knowledge stand point.

Darius is the absolute best. Like he is just the fucking best. I'm glad he gets to be a permanent character.

Welp, that ended on a note for sure.

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

Sorry this turned more into me venting than a question lol. Your blog just kinda feels like a safe space 🙃

My appreciation for jungkook has grown so much this year. I've just never seen an idol genuinely care and appreciate his fans the way jk does. I know he goes above and beyond, so what he does shouldn't be expected... but I can't help but feel a bit disappointed that no other member has gone live. Maybe it'll change in the next few hours, but if it doesn't, then it just sucks because don't they want to say goodbye to us? We're not gonna see them for 18 months :( I know they did the group live but it was so chaotic 😅 I would think they might want to do a solo one to just say everything that's on their mind like jungkook did. I know a lot of people have been coming for jk about parasocial relationships and whatnot, but I honestly believe it goes both ways. Like you could just feel how much he cares by the way he stops and makes sure to greet and bow at every fan or the way he always rolls down his car window no matter what (even when we don't deserve it). I've seen how other idols sometimes just walk past fans/crowds without a glance. Jk comes on lives just to chat with us, while other idols usually only go on when they're promoting. Jungkook isn't my bias, so maybe that's why I'm feeling a bit hurt and jealous lol... how are you handling the enlistment news?

Thanks! My blog is always a safe space for asks like these! <3

It's true that Jungkook has really connected with Army this year. He's always loved us, but I think now he feels so much more confident being himself around us and has developed the kind of relationship he wants with us, so he's much more comfortable going live. Maybe before negative comments affected him more, and he was careful in what he said or did, but now that he can shrug off the haters and be himself fully, I think he's gotten closer to us and our relationship has improved! I think Armys really became friends to Jungkook in a way we weren't before. But maybe I'm wrong. I've only been Army since 2019, and the COVID era was an anomaly. Jungkook also had more free time to go live in the beginning of the year compared to before.

But, yeah, all the other members went live! Jimin went live for a short while, I think V went live too (I'm not sure), but he shared many pics and goodbye letters so that was enough! I'm not sure if RM went live but I think he might've a while back. He shared so many pics, letters, song recs, etc. though - his goodbye letter was so Namjoon and more than enough... I think they all said goodbye. Jimin probably did the least, but since he doesn't seem to take pics and doesn't know what to say during lives, I think he went more quietly.

The parassocial accusations for Jungkook are pure bullshit. Kpop stans need to unlearn that word. That man has drawn clear limits - he's told stalkers off multiple times, said fans need to deal if he does something they don't want even though he understands everyone likes different things (ie. Seven explicit lyrics) - so I don't get why JK calling Armys his girlfriends (usually when they ask) or talking about how much he loves us is such a big deal. I'm sure if any fan seriously told him not to date someone because Army was his girlfriend, he'd tell them off politely.

I think people just want to assume the worst of Jungkook. And kpop stans sadly hate other stans so they can never understand the idea of an idol genuinely liking their fans...

Anyway, I thought I was going to be so heartbroken when Jungkook left but I'm too sick (with the flu) and busy with work to process it. I still can't believe Suga is enlisted... He went so quietly it feels like he's just in one of his phases where he goes off the grid lmao.

Tbh, even with Jin and Hobi, though I miss Jin especially, what I miss most is the group and not any individual member. I'll miss Jungkook a lot though for sure - just not now.

BTS is all enlisted... There is no BTS now... They'll come back in two years... I think it's too early for us to process what this means. For the next few months nothing much will change. We already have content lined up. But somewhere down the line, it'll hit us more.

Thanks for the ask! How are you coping with the enlistment?

[lauvra]

Lost/Found Notes Pt. 11. 17/02/22 Remembering the body communicates it's needs, I wonder why mine suggests I swallow the ocean. Is this what they call the mind's corruption? This renewed ease in turning away? Is living in accordance with the true nature of things to devour, after all? Perhaps I am to rewrite the mind in order to allow others leave with their lives. Swim free, you functional scaly holograms. Reprogram me, I want the flicker of system failure just long enough to fall off the ladder. Maybe I'll wake as a pixel glint in the eye of some anonymous user's design. I can barely reason with deniers of reincarnation, it's all that's ever made much sense to me, naturally. I saw the Vulture on screen at the movie theatre last night and cried in silence. What gives any the grand belief they'll come back breathing? Maybe I'll return as the moment Donkey Kong's adversary realises he's been struck by a barrel. Just one pause out of trillions of indistinguishable discoveries. 23/2/22 A new freckle fell from the sky and landed on my arm. 26/2/22 I can't bring myself yet to contest my peace, it has been so long wandering toward this clearing in which I finally find myself and I know I'll not stay long, for even if I do, time will eventually overtake. The sun and rains will tempt the clearing into overgrowth and I will become again entangled. So I'll just sit here, and not drag guilt or grief into this field. 8/3/22 On my street the trees are emerging through the asphalt, victorious. Reclaim us. 15/03/22 I wake at intervals in defiance. In dreams I am chained inside frames that make me make sense to others. I wake at intervals to poetry unfolding faster than I can tack it down. I wake at intervals as what I am. I strip in my sleep, waking naked and for an instant I can see. I wake with a saintly grace, then forget myself. 15/03/22 People don't want to be wrong about even their worst assumptions. 17/3/22 Some people had no chance against intellectual thought. He says I'm to wait two weeks for the next book we'll read together. I like to visualise laying beside somebody, reading our respective books in peace, reaching over to pat the curvature of soft linen every so often, just to be sure. In this time I've read Lispector's 'An Apprenticeship or the Book of Pleasures', it's about Lori, a disconnected teacher who meets a philosophy Professor who waits. People don't wait for each other anymore, I've been guilty of it. What happened to courtship? I've been reading Andy Warhol's book. I read it a decade ago, but I was different, then. I'm so taken by what reads as his accurate portrayal of his own aura and presented vision that I sat the book down to contemplate what I'd say of myself. How could somebody so fixated on nothing, be so well drawn? Where does the time go when I do this? I devour it, yet it shits me out? Okay. 18/3/22 My friend said "Mirrors don't work for you like they do for other people." 23/03/22 Intimate understanding of another has only ever been a brief illusion, a beautiful idea. Temporary commonality found on grounds ever shifting. I believe we are alone.

4/4/22 [BTW, for as long as you allow them.] How many times do people think they can dismiss you and expect you'll still open up about your inner life to them? How many times can someone mock your belief system, judge and mischaracterise it, claim to hold the answers as only a radical would and find you capable of coexisting? How many times can someone show appreciation for all your tolerance, then decide at a whim they're unique and dismiss where the similarities really lay. People think love bombing isn't sincere, unfortunately it often is. That's why it works. People think devaluing is a momentary lapse, but that too is also authentic, at the time. I don't want to hear how great I am, the negative cycles back around and I hear the same insults, again. If you think I should ignore recurring behaviours that impact me negatively, that you exhibit compulsively, then you're the problem. My problem is that I keep thinking I can explain this to you. No one should expose themselves repeatedly to people who don't respect them. 17/4/22 Triumph of comprehension.

[kotias]

Yes to all of this. I will also point something else out.

I've rewatched The Wolverine this week, and realised something: Logan and Wade's journeys to the grief over losing their great love are mirrors to each other, especially when faced with the possibility of death.

Wade in Deadpool 2: meets Vanessa again and again as he steps just one foot at death's door, and she pushes him away with a kind smile, reminds him that he needs to keep going, while having an obvious "I love you so much and I miss you" background to it all, so sweet and soft and sad because they both want to see each other again for eternity, but she has made peace with the fact that it isn't an option; contact isn't even an option, she is just waiting on the other side of the veil, knowing that this is it: they have to wait. And Wade has a job to do: live on. Death is seen as a relief that Wade isn't allowed to receive.

Logan in The Wolverine: Jean acts as a temptress, pulls him towards the promise of death, while having a disingenuine side to it: the goal is to get him to die, not to be with him. And that's how it's felt throughout the movie: death is a temptation that Logan has to fight against, and goddamn does he do just that. When Logan has to protect somebody, he goes so much beyond his immortality, he wants to live, even when his life is shit, because as long as he does, it means the somebody in question is allowed to live as well. And thus he defeats the temptation; it hurts to do so, but he finds a form of peace doing so.

Sure, Worst Wolverine Logan isn't going through quite the same trajectory, but I do believe he did have that experience in his own way.

Then, he went through his years of solitude and probably multiple attempts of the humans at murdering him, and everytime, he would wish just a little more than this one would stick already.

By the time he and Wade meet, he is tired, and so is Wade.

However, he has lost any sense of purpose; Wade has found one- barely, but he clings onto it like a lifeline, and he will be desperate enough to speak to Logan's core values: Logan might not quite realise it sometimes, but he is somebody who knows how to help other people. Sure, he does his own thing, but at the core, he craves for companionship, and if it means fighting enemies and saving the world as a team, that's fine by him.

As long as he has that bond, he's going to feel alive. And hell, Wade really needs that too, and has always been drawn to the Wolverine as That One Dude Who Won't Die Just Like Me.

Like you said, they understand each other, they know what it means to be immortal despite everything, and to suffer.

The fact that Wade and Logan are so different but so similar is extremley important to the characters (also to me).

Wade and Logan are the only people who understand exactly what they've each been through. They've both been tortured and experimented on. They've both died and come back. They've both been injured in every single way possible. They've both lost people they love- they have both gone through so much personal loss because of their mutations.

They understand each other on such a deep level, a personal level, a level that no one else really gets.

If Wade is having a bad pain day, Logan gets it. If Logan is having flash backs, Wade gets it. If they both have unhealthy ways in coping, they both understand.

Logan matches Wade's freak in a way Vanessa never could, because Logan understands everything he has been through. He doesn't second guess his scars, doesn't question why he uses humor to cope, never asks him to put the mask on around the house. It's nice. He can just be himself and Logan understands.

And Logan? Logan can get his claws out when his knuckles hurt and Wade doesn't get scared, he understands why Logan doesn't like getting too close to others, he listens to the story of how he lost his X-Men and gets why he blames himself. He finally has someone that listens and cares, something that gets it.

And okay, Wade doesn't really understand why Logan likes the beer he does or why he only wears vests, and yeah- Logan doesn't get why Wade likes cartoons or pop tarts- but that doesn't matter. That's just surface level shit, and what they have goes so much deeper that their small indifferences don't matter.

They both can't believe that finally- finally- they both have someone who gets it. Gets them.

[rhysismydaddy]

Prisoner's Game Pt. 1 (Rowaelin)

Synopsis: Aelin Galathynius never thought of herself as a vengeful woman. Until her boyfriend not only testifies, but leads a case against her that lands her in prison for the rest of her life. Post I-Love-You's. He didn't believe her, and she's about to show him that not only is she innocent, he made the worst mistake of his life betting against her. To a woman with nothing but time, life's just a game, after all.

The cinderblock wall dug into her back uncomfortably as she reclined against it, the air in the room was stale, and she hadn't showered in two days. By any measurement, Aelin Galathynius was far from her best.

And yet she somehow managed to look perfectly at ease--happy even--as she lounged in her cell, toying with the ends of her too-long hair.

It was a ruse, of course, just a little trick to piss off the man currently stomping into her space. By the flare of Rowan Whitehorn's eyes, it worked.

"Hello, Rowan," she greeted pleasantly, giving him a little smile and acting like it wasn't taking everything in her not to use the makeshift knife under her pillow to gut him like the spineless coward he was.

She could tell, even across her 8x12 cell, that he was gritting his teeth and fighting a similar action.

The heel of his expensive Italian loafers clicked as he walked across the space to the small table and took a seat at the steel chair in front of it. He tried to push it out further, but stopped when he realized it was bolted to the floor.

"Aelin," he said back, none of the so-obvious anger he was feeling present in his voice. "Been a long time."

Eight years, six months, three weeks, two days, and thirteen hours.

Not that she was counting or anything.

She nodded her agreement, reclining further on the bed and crossing her legs as if she was in the finest dress she owned, not a faded orange jumpsuit.

"What brings you to my side of town, Rowan? Here to finally switch sides and represent me?"

Dressed in a two-thousand dollar suit and tie, hair perfectly gelled back, he looked like he was successful a lawyer meeting with a wealthy client, but they both knew the last thing he'd ever do was work for her.

"You know why I'm here."

She did indeed, but she still said, "I must be exceptionally smart to know why you've come all the way here-"

"Cut the shit," he snapped, finally losing a bit of his cool. He regained it quickly, though, and continued, "I want to know how you did it."

She frowned at her split ends. "Did what?"

Rowan waited until she looked at him to respond. "You know what."

Sighing so deeply it should've rattled the walls, she said, "I can't believe I've spent the last eight years thinking you underestimated my intelligence. You clearly think I'm some sort of oracle genius."

Rowan mimicked her sigh, and she bit her lip to stifle a laugh.

Probably trying to stall, he spent a moment looking at her cell, at the completely bare walls and lack of photographs. All she had was the tally marks drawn in pencil on one wall and a dusty chess set sitting on the table.

When he'd taken inventory of those two things, he sat and just looked at her.

It was clear she wouldn't admit to knowing exactly why he sat in front of her, and he was simply putting off being the one to fold.

Predictable, proud little man.

Eventually, he took his loss and said, "I want to know how you managed to rob me from inside the most secure prison in Rifthold."

She smiled, a full, undulated smile she hadn't used in a long time.

She'd been planning this moment since the day the bars had locked behind her, and it felt damn good to finally see it come to fruition.

According to what she'd heard, definitely not what she knew from personal experience, the private vault in Rowan's apartment had been broken into. Apparently, only one thing was missing: an antique dagger that had been handed down in the family and was now worth over a million bucks.

"Why do you think it was me?" she asked, still smiling.

He gritted his teeth some more, and she internally snickered at the idea he'd have permanent tooth damage because of her. Something else to remember her by.

Green eyes spitting flames at her, he growled, "You left a goddamn business card."

Aelin forced her eyes up to the empty bed above her head, trying her hardest not to laugh. "Maybe I'm being framed?"

"Your fingerprints were on it."

She did laugh then, then laughed some more when his eyes narrowed. He looked like he was about to strangle her. "Rowan, in case you haven't noticed, I'm incarcerated."

She gestured around them to her cell to prove her point.

The bastard just smiled.

Of course he knows that, she thought bitterly, forcing her hand back to her lap and away from where it'd started to creep toward the pillow.

"So how would I rob you?" she asked, getting her mind back on track.

"That's what you're going to tell me," he demanded angrily. "I want to know how you got out of here, got all the way across Rifthold, broke into my apartment, and stole from me without any surveillance camera picking it up."

Aelin ran a hand through her hair, fluffing it just right. When she caught sight of the impatience on his face, she fluffed it some more and readjusted the thin jacket on her shoulders.

It was always too damn cold in this place. She hadn't been warm in almost nine years.

Because of him.

Just for that, she fluffed her hair some more.

Then she said simply, "I didn't."

"Stop lying!" he shouted at her, eyes flashing.

She wasn't, but that was besides the point.

"Fine." She rolled her eyes like he'd won. "I got my cousin to-"

"Aedion spent the night in Wendlyn. His travel is verified, and there are at least a hundred eye witnesses that witnessed him singing karaoke all night. Stop. Fucking. Lying."

Once again, she wasn't lying.

Aedion sure as hell hadn't been in Wendlyn last night. She'd just wanted to make sure his alibi was air-tight as planned.

Sighing again, she asked, "Rowan, even if I did do it, why the hell would I tell you about it?"

His jaw worked for a moment, and she could tell whatever he was about to say was difficult for him. "I'll get time off your sentence if you tell me what you've done with it."

She tried not to laugh, but she couldn't help it.

It burst out of her, full and uncontrollable, and she flopped over on the dirty mattress and howled for a good few minutes.

He glared at her, looking for all the world like he was experiencing a portion of the rage she was made of, but regardless of the threat in his eyes, she took her time composing herself.

"I'm serving ten consecutive life sentences, you idiot."

One for each and every one of her "victims."

"I'll make it nine," he offered generously.

"Even if I was a cat, that'd still leave me dying in a prison cell. Offer me something else."

He just glared at her, unwilling to give her anything she could actually use or want. Just like she'd expected.

"That's what I thought. So no, Rowan Whitehorn, I'm not accepting your little deal. You can think I robbed you all you want; hell, you can even know, in your famous gut, that I did it." She tilted her head, a cruel smile filling her lips. "But it isn't about what you believe, it's about what you can prove. Isn't that right?"

His eyes shuttered at the words, and just like that, they were sucked into the memory of all those years ago.

~Eight years ago~

~Rowan~

Rowan rolled over, edging away from the woman next to him carefully as to not wake her.

Her hair was spread out on his chest, her soft hand was on his stomach, and her leg was draped over his. By all accounts, she was all over him.

And it felt so fucking good.

He'd never met anyone like Aelin before. Anyone so full of life, so hilariously open.

It was like she was constantly on fire, flitting from one place to the next with endless energy and jabs about him being too old and slow.

"What are you going?" she murmured, nails digging in slightly to keep him where he was.

"To get some water. Go back to sleep."

He leaned down and kissed her brow, and she sighed happily and rolled over. Like a total cliché, he watched her sleep for a moment, trying to get his feelings under control.

They'd been seeing each other for less than a year, but he couldn't imagine his life without her. He was in love with her, and if the way she acted and smiled around him was any indication, she loved him, too.

He ran a thumb over her cheekbone, smiling when she tilted her face into his touch.

He was whipped, and he didn't even care.

Rowan shook his head at himself, pulled on a pair of boxers, padded to the kitchen, and held a glass under the faucet.

Then frowned as it sputtered.

He figured he'd at least make himself useful, knowing damn well she would never agree to call the plumber when she could "figure out how to fix it herself on Youtube."

So he knelt down in her kitchen and opened the cabinet door, trying to see what the problem with the pipe was.

Except he never got that far.

His eyes got stuck on the piece of paper sticking out under a false piece of wood covering the back panel.

Knowing it was wrong to pry but somehow unable to stop himself, he tugged the paper loose.

Then fell backwards to his ass, heart hammering and brain spinning as he read it over and over again.

The list of names wasn't long, but all ten of the people on it were highly distinguished members of society.

And they were all dead.

He wouldn't know that, since the death of the last person on the list wasn't even public record yet, but he was the attorney working with the police to find the killer.

Why did she have this list?

And what did the numbers next to the names mean?

One way or another, he knew he had to find out. He also knew he couldn't ask her. He was in too deep, too unbiased to know whether or not she was lying.

He didn't trust himself with her, so he'd have to go the traditional route.

He took a picture of the paper quickly, tucking it back where he'd found it. He snuck back in the room to get dressed, leaving her a note he had to go to work.

He thought he was going to be sick as he left her apartment, a feeling suspiciously similar to dread coiling in his stomach.

There was only one way she could know that last name, only one explanation that made sense.

But he had to know for sure. Had to know if he'd been an idiot this past year; an idiot who'd spent almost every night sleeping next to the killer he'd been searching for.

So he started investigating his girlfriend.

Six days later, he found the security deposit boxes and the murder weapons inside, still covered in dried blood that would be matched to the victims. All with Aelin's prints on them.

Two days after that, the woman he'd thought was the love of his life was arrested on ten counts of murder.

Despite the tears she shed, despite the promises she made to him, despite the love she claimed to have for him, Rowan told the cops everything.

Even though he couldn't imagine her killing anyone.

"It doesn't matter what I believe, it matters what I can prove."

That was the last thing he'd said to her, right as she was being dragged out of the court room and yelling at him to believe her.

The truth of the matter was that when it came down to it, he didn't trust her enough. The facts were against her, everyone on the jury had been against her, and in the end, Rowan was too.

~Present~

~Aelin~

Rowan shook his head, almost like he needed to clear it from the memory they'd obviously both been immersed in, and she smiled.

She hoped what happened all those years ago still haunted him, hoped he went to sleep at night thinking about her and the betrayal he'd served to her on a silver platter.

The first year of her sentence, she was so lost in emotion--in the rage and confusion and deep, deep hurt--that she couldn't bring herself to do anything.

He hadn't even bothered to ask her first. That's what had hurt the worst.

He'd seen that stupid, stupid list and had jumped to the first conclusion possible.

She knew it had looked bad, had looked like she was guilty, but she'd thought that if the worst happened, he'd at least ask her to explain before slapping the cuffs on her.

But he hadn't. She'd gone to prison, and his career had exploded into stardom from the success of the case.

"See, Rowan, when you refused to accept any other explanation other than the easy one, you made a mistake. Because I didn't kill those people."

He rolled his eyes. "Aelin-"

"And I'm not only going to prove it," she continued as if he hadn't spoken, "I'm going to ruin your precious little life while I do it. Just like you did mine."

She stood, put a hand on the steel table, and leaned over him.

"If you want it to stop, all you have to do is drop these bullshit murder charges and issue a public apology for locking me up in the first place."

He stood too, so close his loafers brushed the toe of her dusty, prison issued sneakers.

"That's never going to happen," he promised, voice uncompromising and angry.

Aelin smiled, having predicted his reaction down to the facial expression.

His pride, she'd decided, would be the first thing to go.

She reached around him to slide the pawn on the chess board forward, leaned in even further, and whispered, "Let the game begin, then."

~~~~~~~~~~

Part 2

@perseusannabeth @cursebreaker29 @a-bit-of-a-cactus @elriel4life @girl-who-reads-the-books @aelinfeyreeleven945tbln @live-the-fangirl-life @ireallyshouldsleeprn @highqueenofelfhame @gracie-rosee @rowaelinismyotp @nahthanks @ghostlyrose2 @lovemollywho @inardour @tillyrubes10 @claralady @tswaney17 @rowanisahunk @superspiritfestival @thegoddessofyou @awesomelena555 @booksofthemoon @greerlunna @jlinez @studyliketate @over300books @justgiu12 @maastrash @aesthetics-11 @bamchickawowow @b00kworm @sleeping-and-books @musicmaam @hizqueen4life @maybekindasortaace

[thehomothings]

Analysis of Kite's conflicting moralities, relationship with death, and the toll reincarnation may take on one's psyche

So, today I decided to compile all the thoughts I have had about Kite's interesting worldview since the first time I saw him into one post, mostly for my own sake, really. If you're familiar with the few posts I've made, you know it's gonna be a mess, but hopefully a comprehensible mess.

A heads up, this is going to be spoiler-heavy, and very much deal with subjects of death and dying as a whole. Also, some of these conclusions are drawn from my own experiences and close brushes with death, I'm not going to go into much detail but it might get personal and definitely dark. I'm not even sure if I can call this a meta-analysis, and I'm obviously no expert, so mayhaps take all of this with a grain of salt.

Been getting into drawing lately, and during the more simple and mindless part of the painstaking process of dotting every single star in this, I let my thoughts wander through the latest part of the fic I'm writing, and I got a better grasp on what exactly made Kite such an elusive character to me.

I'm not quite sure why I got so attached to Kite. Perhaps it was the air of tragedy surrounding him, how despite his sordid past he remained still open and gentle even if outlined by a healthy dose of cynicism.

But sometimes, I think it's the fact that he is so paradoxical. He's brave, yet fears death to such a degree that creates a whole Nen ability around it, is a pacifist yet will not hesitate to spill blood for his own sake or someone else's. Despite the many ultimatums and warnings of 'I will not protect you', he gave his arm and then his life to save Gon and Killua. He approaches each hunt and battle with a clear plan of action in mind, but his Hatsu takes the form of a roulette that gives him random weapons which are never what he wants, but what he seems to need for that exact situation, which he cannot dispel without using. When he draws a weapon, the decision is locked in and his or his opponent's fate is sealed. That's why each time he dubbs his weapon a bad roll. Every time he has to gamble, he sees himself as having run out of luck. When it comes to having to choose between himself and somebody else...well, there had never been a choice. In fact his aversion to using it may feed into its sheer power that we, unfortunately, saw too little of.

Let's go over his very first appearance when he saves Gon from the mother Foxbear.

It's not hard to see the strain searching for Ging has put on him; he's rash, prone to anger and punching a child for daring to get into trouble. In his mind, he's failing at his most important task, has not yet earned the right to call himself a hunter despite being in possession of his very own hunter license.

After killing the mother Foxbear and raging about having done so, he says this interesting line:

So yes, he finds killing for any reason rather irksome as most would do, yet I think something deeper caused him to absolutely lose it in this scene:

He had not been aware of Gon's identity, and despite being an animal lover and a naturalist, he made a choice to save the human instead of allowing nature to run its course. In fact, he says: 'No beast that harms a human must be allowed to live.'

How does one weight one life against another? How is the worth of it determined? The value of life... an impossible choice he's faced with and a choice which he seems to regret to some degree.

The Foxbear cub.

Here, he's speaking from experience, a tangible loss he has felt himself, and a hard and bitter life he does not want to impose on the cub.

His backstory is exclusive to the 2011 anime adaptation but there are hints alluding to it in the manga, for example, the fact that he does not seem to know his birthplace, or:

The choice of words is chilling.

Reading between the lines, one could draw the conclusion that he is an orphan. Something supporting this hypothesis is how he visibly deflates after Gon tells him his parents have (presumably) died.

So we see he is willing to go against his own moral code of not killing as to not doom another living being to the life he led, a lonely, hopeless existence that could barely be called one. He saw it best to put down the cub rather than leave it to die a painful, slow death.

The reason Kite himself isn't as cynical and cold-hearted as one would be after witnessing cruelty in its rawest form is those small crumbs of human kindness which he may have found in Ging.

It was not only a chance at an honorable life being Ging's apprentice gave him, but it also 'saved' him from being broken and twisted into what he hated and worst of all, death.

If we take that one minute of backstory as canon to his character-which I find myself inclined to do- these quirks of his make much more sense. He lived on the run. He lived on the knife's edge between giving up or pushing forwards. He lived as so a wrong move could be the difference between survival and the end.

Between rock and a hard place creates a mentality of black and white, absolute good or extreme evil, this or that. Except in reality, it's much harder than that. Deciding who to save and who to strike down is a heavy burden to bear.

It's almost easy to see how struggling to keep surviving could lend itself to a crippling fear of death and subsequently developing a Nen ability which once more goes against his own moral code in order to give himself a second chance...yet something about it strikes me as unlikely when I look at it this way.

Living life knowing it could end at any moment has the opposite effect, at least for me it did. One comes to accept that it is fleeting and while not eager to let it go, when death eventually and inevitably does come, there is no fighting it.

Especially when there is no hope that tomorrow will be a better day than this one.

Frequent near-death experiences numb one's fear in a way, even if it drives them to take precautions that render it unlikely to happen again and results in c-PTSD, but still, it does. It sparks a certain nihilistic view of 'if it all can end so easily, then what's the point of it all?'

Unless there are things to live for, a sure promise of a better future, and Ging gave Kite that. When he faced the threat of losing his second chance at life:

Really, what else could lead someone to develop the ability of 'the hell I'm going to die like this'?

I think a separate event, an even more brutal near-death experience that almost cost him his life as the hunter he so strived to be set him off to develop the secret roll of Crazy Slots, what I call Roll No.0, Ars moriendi. Unlike other weapons, it cannot come up in random and is directly summoned by him, or better said, summon by his overwhelming will to keep going and hopelessness of fighting a losing battle. I don't believe roll No.3 was the weapon that allowed him to reincarnate. I've named that one Wand of Fortune, a sort of armor instead of an offensive weapon since I find it hard to believe Kite, a Conjurer, would not focus on defences as well, and I will go into both mechanisms of these weapons hopefully in his backstory.

Despite knowing this battle to be a pointless one and being acutely aware of his soon to be demise, he did not immediately draw Ars moriendi, no, he stayed back and fought for the sake of the boys, kept Neferpitou occupied until they could reach safety. We can see evidence of this in the aftermath of the battle that seemed to have gone on until dawn, a torn apart landscape only signaling a fraction of the devastation that was Kite's power unleashed. It still wasn't enough.

In the anime sub I watched, when Gon apologizes to Ging about Kite's death, Ging said a sentence that infuriated me, because it belittled the utter suffering of the NGL trio.

"He would not die in your place." (No screenshot, sorry)

And I remember practically shouting at the screen, screaming 'how could you possibly say that? Of course he did. He absolutely did die in their place. How could you not know your own apprentice? Why-'

It was only last night that it hit me why Ging would say that.

Once upon a time, maybe Kite would not have given his life for anybody under any circumstances, even if he had a way out of it all. He would still need to die to come back to life.

His Thanatophobia could be attributed to the (possibly untreated) PTSD of the near-death experience in his later life, being so certain of dying that finding himself alive afterwards drove him to never want to go through that again. He quieted his fear by creating a sort of a loophole, that even if he lost the battle he would remain. Ging remembered that, but as evidence shows, something changed. Maybe he healed a bit, perhaps growing up dulled his fear to a certain degree, but eventually when it came down to his life or another's, he didn't choose himself.

Now, I can hear you saying 'but he didn't die, so what are you going on about??' And so I reply: Yes, he is alive, but he did die. He experienced that painful, horrible moment of staring death in the eyes and thinking 'This is it, this is the end', went through the actual process of having his soul removed from his body. And that moment stretches into infinity, ten lifetimes condensed into the mere seconds before oblivion.

Dying isn't so hard if one stays dead.

It's not so easy to open one's eyes and find oneself alive again after that, no matter how much that is the heart's desire. It's difficult, nigh-impossible to reconcile with life and walk amongst the living when everything had been so final, when death had been accepted to its fullest.

So Kite awakens, the twin of Meruem and back from the dead, his mind and identity both intact and fractured. In that he is Kite is no mistaking, yet he is not the same gentle pacifist whose first reaction upon sensing a monster's aura was to shield two kids from it at the cost of his arm.

I don't think many of you are familiar with Zoroastrian ideology, but Togashi is known for loving his religious imagery, and it's not only Christianism he derives inspiration from (evidence of which can be seen all over Kite's character and resurrection).

In Zurvanism-a branch of Zoroastrianism- there is talk of the twin spirits: Ahura Mazda -epitome of all that is good- and Ahriman -epitome of all that is evil-, the parent god Zurvin decides that the firstborn may rule in order to bring "heaven, hell, and everything in between."

Upon becoming aware of this fact, Ahriman forcibly tears through the womb to emerge first. Sounding familiar yet?

Zurvan relents to this turn of events only on one condition: Ahriman is given kingship for 9000 years, and then Ahura Mazda may rule for eternity.

Meruem ruled for 40 days, his death leaving the throne vacant for ant Kite, wearing a dead girl's face and seeming to be brewing some nefarious plan. No more is there any sign of that unrelenting pacifism and the sanctity of life he held so high, losing his own may have only served to show him how meaningless the pain and suffering he went through had been, dying only to be reborn as a member of the species that killed him. It may be that he has no desire to rule over the remaining Chimera ants or create an army of his own-

Yet I dread to think what a broken mind possessing limitless power might do to the world.

And that's it. If you made it this far, thank you for reading! If you found it interesting, stay tuned, as I think a lot and I will make it your problem.

[marshmallowprotection]

hey kait do you mind if just. go insane over here.

like, you see, i hate getting into arguments/drama/conflict. i hate it so much it causes me physical discomfort. it's horrible, really, like my heart clenches and breathing gets ejsjsksm (idk how to explain) and i start crying and i feel so terribly upset and icky for the rest of the day. its insane. and yet i still somehow manage to always, ALWAYS, get into it (more like i start it tbh but hcndbd) and it's always SO BAD. and the worst part is that right now, it's shipping discourse. SHIPPING DISCOURSE. can you believe this? this is like, the low of the low. jesus christ. i am actually feeling like shit over shipping discourse oh my god. and it's on TWO (2) social media platforms, as if it couldn't get any worse. now obviously i can't retreat, i have entirely too much pride for that, like that would be super embarrassing. i would rather get death threats, on god. so instead i settle for feeling like shit and also getting called crazy by other ppl. but anyways the whole thing is theres this ship in a fandom i rlly like and it's a pretty popular ship, every time those characters get any kind of content together everyone agrees that they're gay, you know? but i hate that ship and it feels creepy as hell to me. bc the characters met when one of them was 14 and the other 17 and they're currently 19 and 22. and i think that shipping them is weird bc one of them has been an adult for a while now and the other is just now becoming one, and like, the idea of the an adult catching feelings for a teenager they've known for a while right after they become legal has very groomy creepy vibes to it. i thought that this was something everyone agreed with. so i said it. but it turns out im wrong. and now ppl are telling me that "ppl can fall in love at any age" "they're both adults so it doesn't matter" and "they're almost canon anyways" like i dont care! i dont care. i dont give a single fuck your ship still sucks ass. and like clearly you can tell im not planning to change my mind anytime soon (bc i dont have to! im right!! jesus could come from heaven to tell me its okay and i would still say it isn't!!!!! bc it isn't!!!!!!!) but im also lowkey beginning to feel like im crazy? idk bro im exhausted

sorry for the huge rant i've been frustrated the whole day 😭 honestly even sending this is making me cry again bc im now paranoid that everyone is gonna disagree lol 😂

GE Saeran is always your rock. When you start to even show a hint of being distressed, he springs into action. He asks you if you want to be held and if you confirm that that is what you want, he's happy to put his arms around you with a sigh. You can have faith in him if you have nothing else.

He'll press lips against your forehead and murmur sweet nothings until you know, without a doubt, that you're going to be okay by the morning. "That's right, my love. Slow down, take a big breath, and remember that you're safe with me. If you need to cry, I will hold you until your tears stop."

Jaehee can be anxious when it comes to knowing what she can do for the people she cares about. She knows the natural do-good and can make sure that you've got water, blankets, and a cozy place to sit in the dark. She may not know what to say but she knows what will help physically.

Her ideal way of comforting you comes down to sitting side by side in the living room, curtains drawn back, sharing drinks, watching your favorite movie, and just talking about whatever feels right at that very moment. "I know it's not the best feeling in the world, but I'm here to listen if you want to talk. I don't have anywhere to be and I'd love to have my night spent making you feel safe."

[superkirbylover]

adding my own two cents onto this; as a csa/grooming victim, voltra isn't a predator, especially for this. at worst, she comes off as abrasive towards people without intending to. that's something she is working on. plus, she's also autistic, which i think is important to consider (especially since i've had similar issues regarding my own autism), but i'm not here to say "waahh be nice she's autistic!". i'm saying if you dislike her, then more power to you. but don't say she's a predator when it's not even true. that makes it harder for csa victims to come out about their stories, which is hard enough as is due to enough people online making shit up towards people they don't like.

she's literally never drawn characters as children engaging in sexual conduct. ever. she's never expressed interest in this, ever. at worst she said people should make what they want without harassment. i've seen people say her art doesn't necessarily reflect that, but to me it does. i know loli/shota (unfortunately); there would be an express focus on the character being a child, which her works lack. it's one thing to say it looks a little cutesy but it's another to fully accuse it as being something it isn't. (i'd even argue it's really fucked up to accuse someone's cutesy/chibi art as loli/shota, but that's a whole other discussion i don't wanna dive into right now)

i've seen people use this situation as an excuse to claim storyshift as their own, which is incredibly insulting as a csa/grooming victim. if this was truly a serious situation as you feel, people wouldn't use this situation, even to cope, as a reason to own storyshift. people like that make it harder for victims to be believed.

again, people are allowed to dislike voltra. but don't paint her as a predator. don't paint anyone who has contact with her, or are friends with her as one either. it isn't fair for those who literally want nothing to do with this garbage. i've had to block so many people for harassing friends of mine over this in order to stay sane.

just, please, with what's going on in the world right now, this shouldn't be what's focused on. this isn't protecting children, this brews hate in a community. we don't need more hate in a world full of it.

I hoped not to waste time with the mutterings of Twits, but it seems like their actions have led to people that should know better into acting hastily.

Yes, I am a proshipper. No, that does not mean that I am a pedophile as bad faith actors have twisted it into being interpreted as. It's original and only meaning is that people in fandom should be able to enjoy things without being harassed.

Yes, there are people that use fandom content as a guise to hide terrible shit. But the focus should be on taking them to justice and not anyone who dares like something that's slightly weird in the weird online space. In my experience the worst sort are the ones that constantly talk about how pure and good they are, almost always hiding some corpses under the floorboards.

The same way that liking DOOM doesn't make someone inherently willing to shoot up a school or liking Pokemon doesn't make someone inherently or even likely to be a Satanist, liking some random whatever from a fandom artist doesn't mean anyone endorses it in real life.

Team Switched deciding to remove my name from the credits from their fangame now is at best an underhanded removal of a playtester's work since there was zero communication about the action to me in any attempt to work out the issues behind it. I had to reach out to them to get any sort of talk with the team, even after it was pointed out that the person this credit is for should probably be talked to. At worst, it looks like an endorsement of disgusting and slanderous accusations that was done with no care to anyone outside of their team.

They claimed the removal was to avoid drama and have apologized but have yet to put my name back in the credits or tried to sort out any issues they had with me.

P.S. To anyone distributing the callout, good job sharing explicit material to minors! The original creators did a terrible job censoring the porn shown off in there, so there are exposed shafts, ballsacks, and xeno-genitals. Did you guys not notice or care? Not sure which is worse, especially if you really did believe that adult Zelda and adult Link kissing naked was the same as actual CSEM.

[kiisaes]

Kii hiiii!!!! I want to start doing commissions soon but I have no idea how and where to start. I mean yeah I'll make a comission sheet and specify stuff I know those basics. But like how do I kinda know that people would actually comission me for stuff? How did you know when to start and like what was your whole process like? Don't mind me I'm just trying to ask about this to some artists I admire and who do commissions what their experiences were like so don't feel too pressured to answer this lol

hi anon!!! that's a really good question that i unfortunately feel like i'm unqualified to properly answer, because my commission work experience was also ... how you say ... less than desirable LOL. i didn't even make a commission sheet and my overall process was super wonky so you're already doing better than me!

honestly i don't think there's any real way you can gage if you even will get commissioners. the shitty thing about any freelance work is that opportunities aren't guaranteed, and you just have to put your foot out there and hope for the best. which is scary and overwhelming, i know! especially if you're down on yourself and your abilities, because your brain will always try conjuring up reasons as to why you shouldn't. i'm pretty sure almost every artist out there has felt like their art isn't good enough so people won't commission them — trust me, i've totally been there and i'm still there LOL — but those nagging voices in your head telling you that you're full of shit ... are full of shit and you should just ignore them. or at the very least, live unbothered by them.

because the fact is, you are your worst critic! you'll always spot mistakes and flaws in your work that others literally won't even notice. so in regards to when to start, i'd honestly say whenever you feel ready to, you should! there's always art appreciators out there who i'm sure would love to give artists a shot, whether beginner or master, a rookie or wholly experienced. i can't guarantee that you'll have customers, but not trying at all already bars you from any customers in the first place. if you try and you fail, take comfort in the fact that you tried!!! that's already amazing!!!

that being said, i think probably the "easiest" way to get commissioners is to understand your audience. know what your viewers like to see from you, and perfect that! and honestly i feel quite hypocritical saying this because i go to art school and the overall vibe here is "draw for yourself and don't sell out" but the truth hurts and that truth is, if you're looking to grow a client base and make money off of your art, it doesn't hurt to draw stuff you know your audience eats up. it leads to more interest in your art, and more potential people who are willing to pay you for that art. it also might make you seem more credible as someone who draws distinct things and people follow you for those things! i hope some of this makes sense because i am so bad at wording sentences that i end up going on long rambles LOL

personally, i'm very spontaneous and i just do things without even thinking twice, so i opened ko-fi commissions last year literally because i was bored and i wanted to avoid my other trillion responsibilities. i figured if i could get some money off of my art, why not give it a shot? i did NOT expect people to commission me actually, but it was a pleasant surprise that people found my art interesting enough to pay for :) i didn't make a sheet (which i probably should ... heh) but i have drawn enough uncolored line work art + flat color work where i think my audience knew what they were getting into (uncolored line art and flat color were the initial two options i provided btw).

i also think pricing plays a huge part into whether people will commission you, which is honestly so ass because i'm a firm believer that the majority of artists, myself included, undersell their work. like, reeeaaallly undersell it. i'm talking "this artist should charge $100 or more for what they're offering but they're only charging $40?!" kind of deal. art is a product of both time and energy, and is a direct antithesis to capitalist work demands. you can't force an artist to churn out art like a machine would, and an artist's efforts towards making a personalized art piece should also be taken into consideration regarding pricing ... but unfortunately people don't want to pay a lot for commissions. and it's understandable because not everyone has enough money to throw around whenever they feel like it, so oh well. anyway my point is if you charge lower, you're probably more likely to get people willing to pay :( it sucks i know, but that's just how it is. i'm sure your prices can raise exponentially once you have credibility as a reliable commission artist though!

i hope some of this helps ?? i'm not like a seasoned commission artist or anything but this is just from my own experiences ... your experiences might be completely different! so take my advice with a grain of salt as well but uhh yea B)

[thestorytellersapprentice]

Why Do-yeok

I cannot believe I'm writing another one of this "Why" post. I thought it's a one-time thing with Love Alarm... But, here I am. Maybe because just like the previously mentioned Netflix series, Nevertheless causes huge discourse among its viewers. Team Potato and Team Butterfly. Jae-eon and Do-hyeok. Sanctuary or the gravitational pull.

And first off, an important note: my intention by writing this is not to seek any debate with anyone. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, so here's mine. Feel free to read it or definitely not to read it if you're firmly on Jae-eon's corner and you can't imagine Na-bi with anyone else but him. I just want to sort out my thoughts simultaneously through writing this. And this is gonna be a bit long, I suppose.

So, as the title already declares, I'm Team Potato all the way. And, yep, this means I'm thoroughly on Do-hyeok's side and I want him to be happy because he deserves it. (Still need to see what's in store in the final episode, but I'm perfectly okay with an open ending: Na-bi ends up not choosing anyone but herself, as long as her friendship with Do-hyeok remains intact.)

And this comes down simply because of who Yang Do-hyeok is as a person.

If Do-hyeok is real, then you can bet that I'll date him myself too. At the very least, I'd definitely like to be friends with him.

Why?

Because....

One. His whole vibe is just so....warm and comfortable. We often see Do-hyeok's cheerful sides. He smiles a lot (and boy, Chae Jong-hyeop's smiles are just so endearing, but we're talking about the character here. Ahem.) He's attentive, thoughtful, and open. And he's not only like this with Na-bi. He, by nature, is a very friendly person, as you can see from his interaction with Do-yeon, his cousin, also with Na-bi's friends and the hyeongs in the noodle restaurant that he works at.

And I like it a lot that even just after Do-hyeok confesses to Na-bi and she turns him down, the very next day, they're able to speak with each other normally and just talk about his videos and how she'll watch them and give him feedback. That night, Na-bi also answers his call with a smile on her face. They joke around and not even stopping after Do-hyeok throws her some arguably-cringey-lines (if uttered by other guys and not handled properly). Clearly, Na-bi's very on ease and comfortable with and around him despite everything that has happened.

She even says this on her own: "And most of all, I feel comfortable when I'm with him."

Two. With Do-hyeok, the communication is sterling. Honesty and communication is also very important in a healthy relationship. Your partner isn't a mind reader, so you gotta tell her/him what you feel and think about, especially when you're having a hard time, so you both can work on it together. And our potato guy is the perfect example of openness and honesty.

Even when he's having a hard time, he doesn't lash out (unlike a certain someone), but he communicates it clearly to Na-bi: "I saw you and Park Jae-eon going into your house together. I know I said that I could wait for you as long as it takes. But I felt so jealous."

Do-hyeok also casually throwing lines like: "It's nice to hear your voice. The whole neighborhood seems empty without you." which can be really cringey, but hearing these with Chae Jong-hyeop's delivery = it's just Do-hyeok openly sharing his thoughts. And, again, he's not just like this with Na-bi. That's just the way he is. He openly states his concerns and thoughts to people close to him.

After her first disaster relationship and Jae-eon (who's a master deflector on all personal questions and is truly opaque), IMO someone like Do-hyeok is what Na-bi needs. With Do-hyeok, she never has to guess where she stands. And Na-bi responds to his openness accordingly. She shares her worries and not-so-good moments ("I was spacing out because the critique went badly. I got scolded. This semester is really the worst. I didn't get accepted to the exchange program as well.") And of course, Do-hyeok responds by reassuring and encouraging her.

Three. They begin as friends. Childhood friends, even. And while some may point out that she friend-zones him, I beg to differ. The expression on Na-bi's face when she first sees Do-yeon and hasn't recognizes her is not the expression of someone who sees her just-platonic-friend conversing with a girl. You can practically see the gears in her head turning and she suddenly looks unsure: "Who is that girl talking to Do-hyeok?"

But anyway, iIluminatedquill has written here and here what I want to say and more, so I won't add any more here, other than this: it's my own personal preference as well. I'm just more drawn to romantic relationships which also evolve from friendship. I feel that lust will only get you so far, and the companionship aspect is what makes it long-lasting. (Even in my personal life, my boyfriend is not only my boyfie, he's my friend and partner in crime also.)

Four. Do-hyeok has good and normal relationships with his family. He obviously has good relationship with his Grandpa (judging from the way he's reviving his Grandpa's noodle place until his Grandpa feels better) and is close with his cousin, Do-yeon. While this is based on what's been shown and even though we never see or hear about his parents, I think it's safe to say that Do-hyeok most probably grows up in a loving family and he carries their values with him as he approaches his relationships with people as an adult.

Again, this is mostly personal preference, but as someone who highly value family, for me this is another point for Do-hyeok. I'm not saying that someone with dysfunctional family cannot form loving relationships, but it's what one aspires for.

Do-hyeok cares for people. He takes care of them (e.g. voicing concerns over Do-yeon's plastered hand, preparing umbrella and coffee for Na-bi, etc etc). And, sadly, Jae-eon's distant family background just makes him even more detached and non-committal towards people.

As for Na-bi, she wants to learn from her mother and not following in her footsteps. "I promise myself I would never date while watching my mom." It's heavily implied (and is practically confirmed by her aunt) that her mother dates around as well, and from the one scene we're shown during her birthday weekend, she always feels like her mother neglects her and she's upset about it. So, yeah, Na-bi wants to live differently, and it's clear who's a natural at it already.

Five. I can see them growing together. Yeah, Na-bi's mostly the one who needs to sort out her life, but she also can be a good influence to Do-hyeok. She gives him feedback on his videos (as an example) and he builds upon that.

From Na-bi herself: "I don't want to ever disappoint Do-hyeok." She sees him as such a good guy and always receives things from him. I interpret her line here as her desire to improve herself, to be better. And that's how a good relationship should be, right? It brings out the best out of each other.

That's it from me for now.

I guess some of the points up there can be different priorities for different people, and that's okay. As I've said at the beginning of this post, this is all mine, so feel free to disagree.

To me, Jae-eon is like this very strong gravitational pull: he's sexy, mysterious and very alluring, yet he displays oh-so-many red flags. It's all such a rollercoaster ride with him: very fun and thrilling, yet can also cause you extreme dread.

While Do-hyeok is like a sanctuary. He represents safety, stability and ease. With him, it's like strolling on a park somewhere under the sunshine: things feel warm, pleasant, and cozy.

Na-bi probably still feels the gravitational force of Jae-eon. It's hard to shake off completely on such a short span of time, but I hope she remembers that just like her namesake, she always have her own strength to fly and defy gravity.

[ordinaryschmuck]

Why I (Want to) Love Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure

Salutations random people on the internet who most likely won’t read this. I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

When I heard Disney was making an animated series based on Tangled, acting as a continuation from the original movie, my initial thought was, "Why?"

Sure, Disney is infamous for its unnecessary sequels of the story after happily ever after, with the many, many, many failures that follow suit. Even then, though, most of these continuations were movies that kind of have the potential to tell more of a story. But what more could be said about Tangled? Sorry to spoil a movie that's over ten years old at this point, but by the end of it: Rapunzel lost her golden hair, was reunited with her parents, fell in love, and lived happily ever after. Her losing the golden hair is the most essential part of that list because how can you do a series based on a Disney princess when her most iconic feature is gone? Then I found out that the series forced a way for her hair to come back, and my new initial thought became, "Oh man. This is gonna suck, isn't it?"

Despite the hesitation, I decided to give it a chance anyway. After all, I've been pleasantly surprised before. Things like My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, The Mitchells vs. the Machines, and even The Owl House (yes, really), were shows (and a movie) that I didn't think would be that special. Only to find myself enjoying nearly every minute. So after watching Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure, I can certainly say I was surprised...but it was entirely for the wrong reasons.

And to explain how requires spoilers. So if you haven't checked the series out yet, I highly suggest you do it to form your own opinion. Just keep in mind that it's a bit of a mess, but it can be an enjoyable mess...sometimes...let me explain.

WHAT I LIKED

The Animation/Art Style: The series swapping from 3D to 2D might have been the most brilliant decision anyone could have ever made with this series. Usually, when an animated movie gets turned into a show, the most noticeable downgrade is always the animation. Whether it’s not as detailed or not as fluid, it's always subjective that the movie is better animated than the series. But by switching up the styles, the contrast becomes objective instead. 2D and 3D animation each have their pros and cons, so deciding which one is better is nothing more than a matter of opinion. So by changing the style, Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure avoids getting complaints of being a downgrade from the original movie. It also helps that the art style of the series is really unique.

The best way to describe how the show looks is that it's like a coloring book brought to life. At times, everything looks like it was drawn and colored in with crayons, which sounds like an insult, but in actuality, it's one of the best features of the series. As much as I love most animated shows nowadays, I will admit, they all look a little too similar at times. Then here comes Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure, which tries to incorporate a whole new style that successfully sets it apart from most shows.

As for the animation itself, it's really well-made! It's remarkably expressive when required, while the movements are really fluid during the correct scenes. Sure the fighting can be a little floaty during some action set pieces (yes, those exist here), but the dialogue and comedic moments are really where the series shines with its animation. I may have problems with the series as a whole, but I give credit where credit is due for the perfectly executed effort that I see in every episode in terms of animation.

Rapunzel and Eugene’s relationship: This was not something I was expecting to enjoy from the series. In the movie, Rapunzel and Eugene were fine. They were the typical Disney couple that worked off of each other enough that it was always entertaining, even if it was unbelievable that they fell deeply in love with each other after, like, two days. They weren't bad, but they weren't anything to go crazy over.

But the writers for the series said, "You know what, let's make these two adorable in nearly every scene they're in." And they are!

Even though I don't believe in their relationship in the movie, I fully believe it here. Both characters have a large amount of faith in one another on top of having endless love for their partner. Like how Eugene knew Rapunzel would be fine when taking out an airship or how Rapunzel couldn't bring herself to say a bad thing about Eugene when making Cassandra a sparring dummy of him. It's legitimately pleasant to watch, to the point where I put Rapunzel and Eugene in my top ten list of favorite fictional couples. They're that good to me, and it's one of the reasons why I don't jump on the bandwagon of shipping the two main female characters together. I'm all for LGBTQA+ representation, but give Cassandra her own girlfriend. Rapunzel's taken, and most of my enjoyment of this show comes from her and her man. So, you know, keep things as they are.

Cassandra (Seasons One and Two): Seeing how I've already mentioned her, let's talk about Cassandra, shall we? Because when making a series based on a movie that had only four prominent characters, with two of them being comedic animal sidekicks, you're going to need to introduce more members to the main cast to write more potential stories. And Cassandra, in Seasons One and Two (I'll get to Season Three), is a worthy addition. She acts as a strict straight man (I know the irony) who interacts well with Rapunzel and clashes perfectly with Eugene on occasion. She was passably entertaining in Season One and developed amazingly in Season Two. Her growing frustrations with Rapunzel's actions lead to a slow build-up that made her betrayal heartbreaking but somewhat understandable. And as for the results in that betrayal...yeah, I'll get into that later. For now, I'll just say that Cassandra was a pleasant addition to the main cast, especially when she was a part of the main trio, and she's yet another good surprise that the writers supplied for the series.

The Songs: The songs are...not going to be for everyone. Most of them are passable yet kind of generic, while others sound like they belong on Disney Junior (Looking at you, "Bigger Than That"). But when Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure makes a hit, MAN, it is a home run. Numbers like "Ready As I'll Ever Be" and "Nothing Left to Lose" are sung phenomenally, orchestrated well, and are songs I can listen to on repeat multiple times. And "Waiting in the Wings" is not only something I consider to be the best song in the series, but it's also something I'd place as high up on Disney's best due to how f**king incredible it is. "Waiting in the Wings" is a powerful ballad that manages to be both tragic yet inspiring on top of how well it sums up Cassandra as a character. The writers may not always be on top of their game when it comes to music, but songs like these prove that they know how to earn that Disney name.

And that’s all I have for the likes...Oh boy. That’s not a good thing is it?

WHAT I DISLIKED

It Peaked at Season One: It did. It really did.

Season One felt like the writers had a grip on what type of show they wanted: A slice-of-life series with Rapunzel dealing with the issues of her kingdom with a meager threat of these black rocks growing in the background. It was all cute and well-balanced for the most part, but that all disappears in Season Two. Because now it's sort of about this adventure, but because Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure set itself as a slice-of-life series, there need to be these small-scale stories that intertwine the grand narrative being told. The issue is that the story comes to a grinding halt one too many times as fans are forced to sit through these filler episodes that, while not all of them are bad, still feel like a distraction. And by Season Three, the series does feel more focused while having some slice-of-life episodes added to the ongoing story instead of distracting us from it. But the writing isn't as strong, there are several plot holes in the narrative (how did Rapunzel's sunstone get into her dress?), and there is way too much time going back and forth on Cassandra's morality. They claim that she's a villain while arguing that there might still be some good in her, and they continue this train of thought for nine episodes when it really could have been settled in two. For me, it's a bad sign for a series when the first season is the best one. Because if it's all downhill from there, what's the point of even watching?

It Tries to be Epic: This might have been the worst decision the writers could have made.

Now, here's the thing: I don't mind grand epic tales of adventure and battles against demons. If anything, I'm all for them...when it's appropriate and fits with the tone of the series.

Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure suffers a similar problem Frozen II has, in which the writers felt like a big, life-threatening adventure was the perfect continuation of a meager, personal story about the relationships of characters. It isn't. If anything, it's completely missing the mark about what the original story was about. And sure, sometimes writers can succeed in telling personal stories through grand adventures. Just look at The Owl House and parts of Amphibia. But with those shows, it's established within the first few episodes that action and peril will be a series staple. With Tangled, while there was some action and peril, it's all very subdued compared to how high the stakes got raised in later episodes in the show. Especially in the series finale.

And, I mean, c'mon. You're making Rapunzel an action hero?

Judy Hopps? Yes.

Moana? Maybe.

Raya? Most definitely.

But Rapunzel? The character who’s all about optimism and seeing the best of others. That's the character you're going to morph into a hero that fights against an evil demon laid dormant for years? Did you even watch the original movie? Yeah, sorry, but I just don't buy it.

If you want to tell an epic story that gets the blood pumping for fans addicted to adventure, go for it! See where the wind takes you. But make sure to set that tone as early as possible while also making sure that it fits with the characters. If not, the end result is a series that feels like it's trying to be something it’s not.

Eugene is Kind of an Idiot at Times: It should be noted that Movie-Eugene and Series-Eugene are practically two different characters. In the film, Eugene was more or less the straight man, as he often questions the wackiness in the world around him and keeping Rapunzel grounded in reality. For the series, most of that personality got transferred to Cassandra. Thus making Eugene's new role in the series act as the egotistical imbecile. Sure, he had those moments in the film, but not as frequently, and it really pains me when the writers really lean hard into a minor aspect of his personality. Sometimes there are moments when Eugene acts like his original self. But it's all small scenes that are spread apart with entire episodes where he has half a brain cell. I'm sure some people didn't mind this change to the character, but as someone who adores the movie version of Eugene, I can't help but feel disappointed.

The Villains are the Worst: Now, I don't mean the one-off villains that show up, cause some chaos for a bit, and disappear at the end of the episode. Those are characters with fun personalities, occasionally cool designs, and do their job as villains of the week. It doesn't matter if their motivations are laughably simple, as their purpose is to be enjoyable characters above anything else. So I actually enjoy those villains...it's the ones that act as season-long antagonists that really grind my gears.

The purpose behind these types of foes is to build up how evil they are throughout the season. The issue is that the writers try to give these characters, or at least two of them, a point. To be fair, this can work. Just look at Killmonger from Black Panther and sometimes Karli Morgenthau from The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. You understand and probably even sympathize with the logic and reasoning these characters have. It's just that their actions couldn't be farther from what you would do. The problem with Varian and Cassandra is that they have the motivation, but it's not written suitably for the story.

Cassandra is a whole can of worms I'll get to in a minute, but Varian is someone I can easily discuss for a brief time. Because while I can comprehend his pain for having his father frozen in yellow rock, I don't think turning evil is the best decision to go with that character. Because A. Everything is his fault. He blames Rapunzel for not helping him, but even if she didn't have a crisis to deal with, there was nothing she could have done to stop it. His frustrations are not only unjustified, but given the fact that this wouldn't have happened if he listened to his father in the first place, it feels like him becoming evil is too drastic of a turn. And B. Varian worked much better as a supporting character rather than a primary antagonist. He was just this hopeful, if not a clumsy scientist who wanted to prove himself, who causes minor catastrophes due to not thinking ahead. Turning a character like Varian into a villain is a bit of a misstep because if the guy acts hilariously incompetent as a good guy, it makes little sense to have him be intelligent and ten steps ahead of Rapunzel when being evil. If he were to become more serious and careful when helping the rest of the main cast, I'd consider that character progression done properly. But becoming a villain is just an overreaction.

However, none of that compares with my issues with the main antagonist of the series: Zhan Tiri. This goes back to my problems with the series making itself too epic. Because if Zhan Tiri existed in any other show, I probably wouldn't have any problem with her. She's built up well throughout all three seasons and is kind of threatening at times. But she doesn't belong in a series based on a movie that dealt with a small, personal issue where it wasn't even the character who killed the villain in the end. It was her love interest and animal sidekick. Even if Zhan Tiri works well as a character, the fact that it doesn't feel like she belongs in the show makes her too distracting to enjoy. And that's why these villains suck. If not poorly written, they don't belong in a series that should focus on small-scale issues. And if you can functionally write an antagonist that appears for only one episode but flounder with ones that show up in several, well, that's just embarrassing.

Cassandra (Season 3): OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH BOY, do I have some words to express with this character. Like with Movie-Eugene and Series-Eugene, Cassandra from Seasons One and Two is frustratingly different from the psychotic IDIOT from Season Three. Basically, just take the issues I have with Varian, multiply them by ten, add them with some bafflingly stupid decisions, and you still wouldn't get how much Season Three-Cassandra frustrates me!

First off, her motivation...what the f**k were the writers thinking? The big reason why Cassandra betrays Rapunzel and motivates all of her misdeeds was that Cassandra's mother was Mother Gothal...EXPLAIN THAT LOGIC TO ME?! Because Cassandra should know what type of woman Mother Gothal was. She should know what Mother Gothal did to Rapunzel in the first eighteen years of her life. So how is Cassandra being abandoned by Gothal the central motivator to cut ties with Rapunzel, who is probably an even bigger victim in this scenario!? Seriously, Rapunzel was cut off from the rest of the world and treated as an unknowing prisoner because she was beneficial to Gothal. Cassandra was adopted into a household with mutual love and got to actually live her life. In no way does it make sense for her to be angry at Rapunzel.

Nor does it make sense that the writers try to play it off as a good thing in the song "Crossing the Line!" Sure, it sounds nice, but thematically, it gives across the opposite feelings that the audience should have. Because if Cassandra cutting ties with Rapunzel is meant to be tragic and awful, why is the music suggesting it's the best possible thing that's ever happened for the character? If you like the song, fine, but even you have to admit that it's thematic nonsense.

But, sure. Cassandra's evil now, and she considers it a good thing. Whatever. I'll take it as long as it leads to good stories...but here's the thing: In the penultimate episode before the three-part series finale, Cassandra asks a question. A question I would have never expected her to ask, despite everything that has happened in the last season. A question that was so baffling, I had to legitimately pause the episode to process the fact that she asked something so stupid. Because Cassandra, the character who is intelligent and grounded in reality, asked, "Am I the bad guy?"

I was honestly shocked to find out she was shocked! How, in the flying, everlasting, cock-a-doodle-doodling F**K does a person like her not pick up that maybe, just maybe, she isn't the hero in this story!? Call me crazy, but endangering the lives of people you once called friends and family, dressing in black, AND HAVING A GIANT EVIL-LOOKING TOWER MADE OUT OF F**KING SPIKES aren't qualities I would give to a hero!

If Cassandra was like Thanos, a character so wrapped up in his ego that he can't even notice how evil he is, I would understand. But she doesn't have an ego. Anger, yes. But for the most part, her personality is based on having logic and reasoning. So turning her into a villain and having her unaware that she's a villain is an act of lunacy that I am incapable of understanding. I don't know who's idea this was, but whoever is to blame...you've got issues.

>Sighs<...This series isn't good, is it?

IN CONCLUSION

I like the animation and some of the characters...but that's not enough. Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure is a mess of a show that tries to do too much for a story that should have so little. Meaning that it's a D+ for me. I want to enjoy it and give it a higher grade, especially with how much I hear people praise this series. And if you do enjoy it, all the power to you. Your opinions are valid, even if I highly disagree with them. Because for me, this is a show that I won't get myself tangled up in again in the future.

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

❛ TWO ROADS ❜

with Canche and Obispo ‘Bishop’ Losa.

Warnings: none.

Word count: 2k.

Aurora says: this writing hasn't been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I'm sorry about that!

Gif credits: to my wonderful @sonsofeorl ✨

Masterlist. You can subscribe to my broadcast list, to be notified whenever I post a writing!

“Please, don't do that. Let me go”. With both hands raised to the man, you tried to push him away.

“No”. He just said with a naughty smile drawn on his lips, before grabbing your wrists to lift you up over his shoulder like a heavy bag, walking to the main room of the house.

“Let me go!” You shouted stirring over him, until you felt your body falling down over the mattress.

Sitting up on your forearms, you blow into a rebellious tuft of hair in the middle of your face, frowning. You couldn't barely breathe because of the efforts, watching the man crawling above the bed.

“I swear I'm gonna kill you”.

“Will you?” He asked, twisting his neck slightly, pouncing on you to tickle you on both sides.

“Canche, stop!” You screamed between laughs, trying to catch his hands while he made himself some space between your legs.

“C'mon, five minutes more, princesa de los Mayas”. The mexican surrounded you with his strong arms, resting his face on your stomach.

“My father is gonna kill us, if he finds out”.

“Just five minutes more”. He begged almost in a whisper, closing his eyes.

“I hate you”. You growled rolling your eyes, pretending that you didn't want to spend some time more together.

“I'm glad to know that it's something reciprocated”. The Mayan muttered, moving some inches until reaching your lips.

Tangling your legs with his and placing your hands on his head, you deepened the kiss, keeping the slow pace but welcoming his tongue inside your mouth. Every time you were this close, he had the same effect on you like the first time, bristling your skin and needing for more. You could assure that he was so in love with you, as you were with him. And you would like to shout it to the rooftops. But that wasn't an option. Not for the moment, at least.

“I know that… you can't call me”. You said caressing his neck with one of your hands, using your nails to made him some sweet tickles. “But… two weeks is too much. Maybe… I don't know… a text, to know that you're okay”.

“I will try, mi amor. I swear it”. He replied with a low tone of voice, accommodating his head on the pillow. “And when I come back, we will disappear for some days. We can go to the beach, if you want”.

“Sounds good, yeah”. You nodded assorted on the way of his lips moving, totally spellbound hearing his voice.

The man took back his hands to undone the clasp of the fine gold chain, with a small medal of the Virgen de Guadalupe. Silent, and very focused on his new task, he placed it around your neck. You knew how much he loved that necklace, being a gift from his mother who passed away some years ago. Giving it to you meant more than anyone could imagine, and you would swear you were about to cry if he hasn't kissed you again.

You have never been a believer, but you started to pray every night for him, to keep him safe and alive. It has been two long weeks, with a trip that started in Southern Cali to Stockton and Oakland, continuing to Portland. And after that, back to Santo Padre. One of the trips more dangerous of Mayans history, with a shipment of AK-47, even if they were accompanied by some SOA charters. But the day of their return has come and, with it, all your men. At least, you know it when you see through the front window of your car all the bikes parked there. The first you find is your father's. Next to it, Canche's.

Almost jumping out from your seat, you run like never before to the inside of the clubhouse. But the situation that welcomes you is chaotic. You open the door on time to watch Bishop tackling your boyfriend. A storm of hits and kicks is around everywhere, while the other Mayans stare at you almost frowning. You don't need to be a genius to know what is happening. Grabbing Ibarra's gun, being aware that no one is going to stop the fight, you point at the roof to fire it. The bullet impacting on it, calls everyone's attention. The two men on the floor are breathing violently, blood on their faces and angry gestures. Then, you point at them.

“The next one throwing a punch, juro por la Virgen that I'm gonna shot his brain off”.

The men separate from each other, standing up over their feet and shaking their clothes.

“How much time have you been together?” Your father asks, cleaning a brief red thread flowing from his bottom lip. His eyes are filled with rage.

“Why does it matter, dad?”

“Because I asked you for one last thing, and you shitted on it”.

“Do you think I made it on purpose? That I chose it?”

“You betrayed me. And you lied to me”.

“For God's sake… Ain't gonna talk about it in front of all these men”.

“We don't have anything else to talk about. You already took a decision”.

You just nod, one time. Stretching your arm to Ibarra, you give him back his gun.

“Doing the same shit that your mother did”.

His whisper doesn't go unnoticed to your ears, taking a step ahead when he's about to unlock himself inside the Templo.

“You pushed mom away, just like you are doing with me. If you are alone, if you are losing the only people who really love you, it's because of you, padre. Because of your jealousy, because of your inflexibility, because of your egocentrism complex”.

Bishop doesn't turn, but suddenly stops his heavy feet.

“(Y/N), don't talk to your father like that”. Canche says, frowning at you.

“Truth fucks you up, right?” You say raising your chin. “Love doesn't mean to hurt, dad. And sometimes I feel that you stab my chest. That you suffocate me. I feel alone the whole time, and you don't really know what it feels like, because I'm always by your side. But you weren't for me when I needed you the most. So don't blame me for choosing a man who cares about me, without asking anything back, over you”.

It has been the worst weeks of your life. You were sure that you were suddenly and inevitably falling into a dark depression, when you realized that you haven't gone out of Canche's house since you came. Mostly, you are tucked in his bed, grabbing the pillow as strongly as you can, wetting it with your tormented tears. A prospect was accompanying you all the time that your boyfriend was away from your side.

“How is the kid?”

Taza gets up from his chair, before Canche can leave the Templo. He turns around crossing his arms over his chest.

“Who asks?”

No one replies.

“She isn't happy, if you wanna know it”. His eyes are on Bishop's. “She cries most of the day. Hardly eats anything. And I can't remember how her laugh sounds”.

Your boyfriend is about to continue his steps, but he stops again.

“And I had to take her to the hospital some days ago, because she has a panic attack”.

“Maybe if you di—”.

“Don't you dare to add me in your equation, Bishop. This is your fault, not mine. I care about her. I love her. And I want to spend my life with her. I'm not trying to steal your daughter from you. I'm not asking her to leave you. I was even about to delegate my position as Presidente, and ask for a change of charter to be close to her. To come to Santo Padre, so she wouldn't have to leave her family”. His voice sounds firmly, blunt. “You are losing your daughter because of you, not because of me”.

Canche doesn't want to waste more time, having a road of one hour and a half to his house. The only thing he wants right now is come back, be with you, and try to comfort your pain somehow. So he doesn't notice that the crew follows him to the outside, in the meantime that he reaches his motorcycle.

His way back home feels like an eternity, parking in front of the porch, and almost jumping out from the top of it. The prospect is waiting close to the door, shrugging his shoulders to let him know that nothing has changed. You heard the door getting opened, turning your head over the pillow, watching him coming into the room. You would like to smile, as every time you see him, but it's like if your brain doesn't send the order to your lips. Lying down and embracing you over the mattress, filling your face with a bunch of kisses.

“I've missed you, mi vida”. He whispers onto your lips, before caressing them. “I took a day off, so I will be here with you the whole time”.

You can't help but sink your face under his chin, letting him hold you tightly. That's the only moment you feel somewhat better, knowing that he's not going to kick out your ass. Knowing that he loves you unconditionally.

“How was him?” You whisper.

“Fucked like you”. He just replies, kissing your head. “But I know that he's going to come today, you will see. I know it”.

He wasn't wrong. Actually, Canche is never wrong. You suddenly wake up because of the loud roar of an engine. It's coming closer, accentuating over others behind it. The bed is empty, and the room is almost in darkness. Rubbing your eyes with your knuckles, you get up from the mattress, guiding your steps to the living room as soon as you hear your boyfriend greeting your father. Sticking your head out the corner of the hallway, your eyes find him before anyone else there. He looks like shit. His beard is longer, scruffy. The two black marks under his eyes tell you that he hasn't slept much more than you.

Canche moves his head in silence, indicating the crew to leave the house, so you would have some intimacy and time alone. Bishop takes a step ahead, trying to reach you, trying to say something. But he can't. Doubting, he walks a little closer. Slowly. Hoping that you don't turn him down. Raising a hand towards your left, he holds it to push you into his arms. Surrounding your body, he hugs you with that kind of love and warmth that only your father can transmit you. All the sadness and the pain has gone. The fear of losing him, inside your chest, isn't oppressing it anymore.

“I'm sorry”. He says in a whisper, tightening his grip around you.

“Me too…”

“You don't have to, because you were right. This is my fault, mi princesa”.

He pulls himself away from you, enough to find your reddened eyes, about to cry again.

“I know you have to leave the nest, but I'm not ready. And I will never be. But if you have to do it, I'm good knowing that Canche is by your side”.

Leaning, your father kisses your forehead, pressing his lips on it for some long seconds.

“Just let me take care of you tonight, please”.

You just nod in silence. You couldn't say ‘no’. You need him, you didn't know it could be this hard to live without him. It's not the same when he's on a trip, than when he's just away from you. Closing your arms around him, you hide your face on his chest, like you used to do when you were a child waking up from a nightmare.

“I will always love you, pa'. No matter who else is in my life. I will always love you more than anyone”.

“I know, princesa. I do. And I will always do it”.

[buddha-in-disguise]

I'm not going to review the season finale in quite the same way as I've usually written something afterwards. I'm ultra tired due to distinct lack of sleep. So it is more truncated than I'd intended. Also unedited so advance apologies if something makes no sense or is misspelled etc.

The episode was facing the challenge of not only being edited after COVID-19 shut down production, but what was intended to be the penultimate episode became the finale. So I'm trying to take that into consideration.

First part in Kara's loft. It was choppy. Don't get me wrong, I had nothing against the humour, or the scenes in general. Although they missed the glaring opportunity to place a "flew here on a bus," moment! It felt pretty disappointing they didn't recognise what has become an iconic line within the SG fandom, and made it even more iconic.

Before the bus though, back at the loft, considering that Lena had literally only just arrived at Kara's, with all that entails, it felt completely out of place for that context. Did it have been overwhelming heavy at that point? Absolutely not. But it was too close to slapstick at times for me and internally I was cringing. I admit, I'm not sure where they could've put it in, but perhaps if they'd just lowered it a fraction, made it a little more subtle a couple of times, it would've helped for me.

Some of the dialogue (especially early on) was also all over the place for me. It did get better as the episode wore on, but I wonder how much was the need to redo parts of the episode because of COVID-19? Unless they think to put an episode as intended in a future season DVD (perhaps S6 DVD), or someone gives us full details via an interview we will probably never know.

Which brought me to one piece of dialogue that I wish they'd not put in at all!

In 5.18, as I've spoken about a lot on Twitter especially, the way Lex screams into Lena's face, and Lena's flinch, and how that had been me 20 odd years ago. They then had the line as Lena talks to Kara; "Go ahead. Scream at me if you have to, I know I deserve it."

I know for many, they'd just see it as a line to use, but .... for many of us who have suffered abuse, who recognised (& in some instances were triggered) by last weeks episode, to not have acknowledged why that line was so problematic is worrying. It heavily suggests they're not going to address Lena's trauma and abuse because they really don't understand it (& again, if anyone believes she didn't suffer trauma and abuse, but accept others in SG do, go away with your bias from my page), but considering they haven't addressed much of Kara's trauma, particularly watching Argo destroyed again, being stuck for months during Crisis like they were, etc - then I guess it isn't a surprise.

But it is uncomfortable as hell to watch a line like that glossed over.

Overall though, I did enjoy the episode. Once that 1st half was over, especially (baring a few moments, including watching Alex do her badass Mission Impossible meet Cirque du Soleil moment because that was awesome) it felt much more like SG of previous seasons. So that was great.

Watching Lena as she watched Alex and Kara hug behind her was so emotional. Watching siblings love unconditionally. Something she thought she had with Lex, only to realise he hadn't changed at all. Lena didn't need to say anything, as once again Katie's acting brought all the emotion Lena was feeling to the fore.

Having Lena and Alex mirror they choice of words in regards Kara was pretty iconic. Then having Alex whisper, "Jinx." really made it work.

Seeing Dreamer in her element, including some great lines again. "I can't believe you left to fight Earth, Wind & Fire without us." "Guess they didn't take the bait? Maybe you should've been meaner?" As they begin the fight with J'onn, M'gann Alex and Dreamer - Alex to Dreamer: "You ready?" Dreamer. "Nope." Alex. "Me neither." Dreamer at her best imo.

Kelly going all, damn my girlfriend is hot & I want sex right now despite the circumstances was pretty cute and funny.

The Kara and Lena monologues being in unison. Now that was pretty amazing and one of the best parts of the whole episode imo.. But again, you feel as if they're matching Lena and Kara together with those scenes as a couple.

Lena not only protecting Kara, but stopped Andrea from going down a dark path as Acrata. Was also great.

Last frame of Lillian. Does it turn out she is the head of Leviathan? Because again they laid out more than once the leader was a woman. It has been noted several times now in different episodes. I was hoping Lena's biological mother, considering she knew of the legend of Acrata, but it is now looking more likely this reincarnation of Lillian is who it is, unless it is a character we've not been introduced to, but I highly doubt that.

The 2nd half of the episode was what we missed so much this season. In fact aspects throughout the episode were missing for too much this season.

This includes the women being the focal point of it. Brainy though absolutely rightly taking a strong subplot to what else was going on. J'onn ably supported by M'gann. M'gann who managed to advise Nia on embracing her dreams and not trying to avoid part of them. Dansen actually working together and both being badass in their own way (after all, this is something I've advocated for much of the season, & while fantastic to see, it never should've taken this long. Now where have we heard that before?)

But we still have glaring unanswered questions that I can't imagine would've been answered in 5.20.

Every indication since 5.17 is Kelly knows Kara is Supergirl. Yet we don't know for certain, because they've failed to show us how or when. I've said before, considering every other person who knows Kara is Supergirl, we had them tripping over themselves to explain to the audience how it happened. I'm pretty annoyed that we as the audience don't get given the same courtesy with Kelly. This is why so many of us feel short changed on some characters this season. The really aggravating thing is would only take a few lines to clear it up!

Now onto Alex. This ties in with J'onn. Where are they getting the money to survive? Did J'onn manage to accumulate enough over all the years he was on Earth to finance everything & pay Alex a wage? No clue.

Also, are Kelly & Alex living together? Or do they have keys to each others apartments? Yes, Kelly was at Alex's in 5.17 so the answer is pretty much yes, but nothing has been said! We knew more about Brainy & Nia's living arrangements from 5a than we do Kelly & Alex.

Kara's trauma. Lena's abuse & trauma. See above.

Lastly, the one most I know want (except a few vocally against), leaning towards Supercorp becoming canon. Again for another season, we end up with the, 'Maybe they'll do it next season.' being said. Particularly as in 5a they really went all out on Supercorp parallels to Clois and at times Dansen, plus even a little on Brainia. But unless something pretty fundamental changes behind the scenes, they're going to recognise what their biggest draw is, keep baiting but never fully go into it. And that is what I fear the most. When you've got media, even non-Supergirl fans saying it, but the show refusing to acknowledge it - that could be their legacy, and it will not look good or have a lot of fans look back kindly on them for it.

The 4 seasons it took for Lena to find out Kara was Supergirl was, in the end, terribly executed. This waxing and waning as well of; is Lena good or bad? Will she follow in the Luthor footsteps?

She is flawed. She's made some pretty awful mistakes. But now they're said she is good. She isn't evil or a villain. So now that line they've drawn needs to stay there! No more ambiguity on her character being a villain.

But you know what's not good? Feeling you can't trust the show to draw a line under that aspect of the character. That doesn't mean you have to have any one of them not be flawed, or to even cross some lines (they've all done it at some point, some moreso than others, but not one character is innocent).

When the show is now generating that level of mistrust on how they could handle future events, that is a problem.

Season 5 overall (particularly 5b) was absolutely horrendously bad. It had some moments of sheer brilliance (either individual scenes, or some episodes), but the rest was just flat out awful. Irrelevant. Messy. No cohesion. 5b became too much of the Lex Luthor show. Certain character additions were vastly unpopular and definitely caused down turns in viewer numbers (& again, from far more than a section of fandom). As did keeping Lena away from everyone for so long.

To sum up. Season 5 was a disaster.

Season 6 needs to have considerably different direction to even try & pull back some viewers (if they can at all). Distrust is rife.

The worst is no-one in the cast deserved this, especially as they're so talented. Some of the performances, even with how poor much of the season was, have been magnificent. But as the saying goes, you can't make a silk purse out of a sows ear.

I've never been so relieved a season is finally over. We'll watch our favourite episodes for sure, of which there aren't many, but a full rewatch of the season we normally do will not be happening. Some episodes were better off consigned to the trash.