#would probably fight snow for giving Venus a cold

[forever-eternal]

Made more Atlas Fanart, featuring Best Boy Raphael— Vee’s Go-To Turtle!

Based on a quote d0mino responded to a comment with :)

“My older sister stayed silent to be steady for me us, so now I’m twice as loud because this rage is not only mine. This scream is not just for me.”

[rwbyvein]

Firen Lhain: Chapter 804: Phoenix:  Part II / III

Cinder developed a light red glow to keep herself warm. Ruby Petal Burst over beside Jaune. "So, what's the secret?"

"Oh?" Cinder asked, "Nothing much, just that Salem is planning to undermine faith in the good General."

Weiss then stepped up, causing her sister on the wall to look on curiously. "But, the kingdoms are technocracies?" Weiss asked.

"Oh?" Cinder asked, "How cute. They aren't talking about elections, they are talking about REVOLUTIONS! The General has done more than enough to infuriate the masses, as it is."

"But he opened the borders, didn't he?" Ruby asked.

"Oh?" Cinder asked, with a vicious smile, "Did he?"

"He gave the order to..." Weiss tried to say.

"Oh, did he?" Cinder asked.

"He did say..." Weiss continued.

"Do you have any proof?" Cinder asked. "Where is the written order."

"I'm sure it's..." Weiss stated.

"Are you saying he lied to us?" Ruby asked.

"I am saying that IF his orders existed, they do not anymore."

"You destroyed them?!" Weiss asked.

"Me?" Cinder asked, "No. Salem, yes. Having two seats on the council leaves little room for others."

"Who does she have?" Weiss asked.

"Oh, a number of them. The highest one is a Lieutenant General looking to slide into his seat."

"And his other seat?" Weiss asked.

"Oh, you know the candidate." Cinder stated.

"I do?" Weiss asked.

"Quite well, in-fact."

"Quit dancing around." Jaune nearly shouted at her.

"Jacques Schnee." Cinder with a wicked grin.

"He would not..." Weiss tried to say.

"Oh, he doesn't know who he's working for." Cinder said, and brushed the hair away from her false eye. "He just had a bit of a vedetta with the General stealing his prized daughters."

"WE ARE NOT HIS!" Weiss screamed.

"Sorry, snow queen, but he doesn't agree." Cinder said to her, "He doesn't know who he's working for, but he's just his corrupt, corporate self. His being in charge of Atlas Academy would be disastrous for the world. But, you're not going to be able to prove it. He genuinely doesn't even know he's working for someone. He just thinks he's being given opportunities, a favour for a favour."

"The currency of the elite." Blake stated, appearing beside her friends. "At least from what Aurora says."

"Even if it's distasteful." Cinder stated, "Even if it's incredibly immoral, it's not illegal. As far as he knows, all he's fighting against are the General's ruinous restrictions. He's a proud and noble scion of one of Atlas' great houses, removing the Fascist control of a dictatorial general."

"He is none of those." Weiss huffed.

"But he thinks he is." Cinder stated, her dull glow turning brighter. Those close to her could feel the warmth. "That makes him easy to manipulate."

Jaune looked over to Neo, everyone else following his gaze. "Is she telling the truth?" he asked, and Neo simply glared at Cinder. "Now's the time to make your choice, you can be bitter and alone, or you can help us, and try to do something that matters."

Neo pouted for a moment and then pointed, first at Cinder, and then at Ruby.

"Why did Ruby fight Roman?" Jaune asked, and she glared at him, she then vigourously and angrily pointed at Cinder. "No." Jaune said, and she looked at him like he wasas dumb as a sack of hammers. "Salem." he said. Neo glared at him, "No, I don't think we can beat her." he said, and Neo crossed her arms. "She's actually kind of immortal." Neo once again gave him the look where she questioned his intelligence. "She's cursed to live forever until she learns the value of life and death." Neo still glared at him. "Okay, we can't kill her, but we can stop her. How?" he asked her, and she nodded, "Because the world is still here. Salem has been doing this for hundreds of years, and the world is still here. If she loses, we win."

Neo crossed her arms and pouted.

Ruby Petal Burst next to Neo. "We can do it!"

Neo first instincts were just to stab Ruby. The first problem is she didn't have Hush, the second was that now was maybe not the best time to be stabbing. She crossed her arms and turned away from Ruby.

"I kind of have to ask," Blake stated, "why we are so interested in getting her to join us. I mean, with Cinder if she leaves Salem, Salem loses something she absolutely needs. But, with Neo?.."

"She's hurting." Jaune said to her, and a look of clarity appeared on her face. Neo looked at him wistfully before looking away. Neo appered to stand still until her illusion shattered.

* * *

Neo sat in her cell, back turned to where the bars had been torn off. A nude Ilia removed her camouflage as she walked up behind her. Neo huffed but did not turn around. "You'd rather stay in your cell?" Neo did not reply. "I know what Jaune is asking seems like it's impossible, but if you give into it, you will be happier." Neo huffed again, back still towards the hole in the cell. She huffed again and slowly turned around, eyes focusing on Ilia breasts and then cleft of venus. She managed to draw her eyes away and then looked into her eyes, giving her a questioning gaze. Ilia then shifted to make it appear as if she were wearing lingerie. Neo's eyes shot to Ilia's breasts and cleft before glaring back into her eyes. "Sorry," Ilia said to her, "it's the best I can do." Neo wiggled her nose and Ilia suddenly appaeered to be wearing Neo's clothes. "I suppose you like pink?" Ilia asked. Neo glared at her a moment before lightly nodding. "I'm not used to standing out this much." Ilia shyly said. Neo rolled her eyes and Ilia's dress adopted a much more drab red. Ilia looked back at Neo, "I didn't say I didn't like it." She then looked down as the dress returnd to it's former, brightly-coloured glory. Ilia then kneeled down. "Tell me, if you don't join us, what is your plan?"

Neo glared her her and crossed her arms. "Is your plan to just die?" Ilia asked, and Neo looked at her for a few moments before nodding. "Jaune was right? You lost someone?" Once again Neo glared at her with crossed arms before huffing and then finally nodding. "Someone you cared about?" Once again Neo glared at her before nodding. "Someone you cared about dearly, more than life itself?" she asked, and Neo pointed at her, emphatically nodding. "Would this person want you to die?" Neo glared at her before shaking her head. "He'd want you to live?" Ilia asked, and Neo proudly stood up to her just under 5-foot height. She then looked down, dejectedly. "He was your king, and you were his queen?" Ilia asked, and Neo nodded. "I feel the same way about Blake." Ilia stated, "Though, in my case she loves another."

Neo looked at questioningly. "Why am I here?" Ilia asked, and Neo nodded. "It's actually quite simple. She's right, and I'm wrong. I thought what I was doing was right, but it turned out it's wrong. Have you ever worried about that?" Neo shook her head. "I suppose it would be lot easier if you don't worry about right and wrong. I know. What happened?" she asked, and Neo glared at her. "You were doing so well, he was so brilliant and powerful?" she asked, and Neo nodded, "And then what?" Neo looked at her questioningly. "And then he bit off more than he chew?" Ilia asked. Neo sadly looked at her before slowly nodding. "So, even from your own point of view, what you were doing was wrong." Neo simply glared at her. "What do you want to do?"

Neo pantomimed stabbing with her umbrella. "Other than that?" Ilia asked, and Neo looked like she had never been asked that question. In truth, there's only one person who had ever asked her it before. "If he was your king, and you were his queen, you probably want a mansion! Be the queen of whatever city you end up in!" Neo paused for a moment before nodding. "So, tell me, does he think revenge is more important than his own life?" she asked, and Neo nodded. "What about yours?" she asked. Neo developed a completly blank look.

"Looks like our streaker finally put something on." Yang said as she walked down the stairs, Blake just behind her.

"You look good." Blake said with a smile.

"It's... actually not real." Ilia voiced, "How did you know?.."

"Jaune." Yang said, "His apparent Aura Radar or whatever it is. Figured you would be cold, what with all the nekkid and everything."

"He sent us down to keep an eye on our prisoner." Blake stated. Neo turned to glare at her.

"You are the one who returned to your cell." Yang said. "You want to act like a prisoner, we'll treat you like a prisoner. Though, if Jaune wasn't here we'd probably just turn you over to General Clank and be done with it. Make no mistake, you're here because he wants you to be. I can say, as a broken girl he's saved, that it might just be worth it to trust him. But that's just me. Rainbow Girl, same rules, you can use our bath if you want."

"And we would appreciate if you didn't use any illusions." Blake added. Ilia's clothes shattered.

"We did kind of ask for that." Yang said, having trouble taking her eyes off of Ilia.

[blacksunscorpio]

Scorp you're a genius! So relatable and I love how you don't judge others or anyone who comes to you for help. Keep it up! I just had to ask since I see that you make pop culture references to make analogies with astrology. You've mentioned GoT a few times and im a huge fan! Can you do a quick post on Game of Thrones characters and their potential zodiac signs? I'd love to hear your input! Thank you so much!!

Game of Thrones Characters & Their Zodiac Signs

Aries

Khal Drogo- Impulsive. Warlike. Bloodthirsty. Alpha. Conqueror. Hardcore athlete [did you see him on that horse?] Extremely sexual. Forceful. When he first meets Daenerys, he forces himself on her. Afterward, however, he is the first to go to war if he feels the people around him have been disrespected.

Aerys Targaryen- Impulsive, sadistic. Boastful. imperial. He would be the Emperor [reversed] in Tarot, lol. Not as good with being a tactician as he ought to have been. Cruel. Rage problems. The need to be the first and the best. Fire and blood, anyone?

Taurus

Maergery Tyrell - Classy, wealthy, sexy, laid-back, frank but with an air of elegance. Highgardeners have a love for the finer things in life. A love of fine wines and foods. Beautiful clothing and aesthetics. RICH RICH. Get on their bad side and they will take their time finding a way to subvert your authority.

Robert Baratheon- Love of luxury, bullheaded, strong, takes no shit. Fixed in his opinions of others, highkey jealous. In his youth, he enjoyed the gifts of Venus: Charm, wealth coming from the noble house of Baratheon, widely considered handsome by almost all in the 7 kingdoms. 

Gemini

Tyrion Lannister- Silver-tongued. HIGHKEY intelligent. Social. Charming. Great sense of humor. A freak [in the sheets]. Chatty. Always finds his way out of a sticky situation. Finds a way to use his intel to bolster diplomacy between his family and the families who hate them.

Little Finger- Cunning, quick-witted, works behind the scenes, manipulative, a  snake, jack of all trades. Top dog in the social circles of the 7 Kingdoms. There wasn’t a person who didn’t know of him and his... reputation. He singlehandedly, through his Machiavellian tactics, caused the events of Game of Thrones to unfold. 

Cancer  

Cersei Lannister- Protective, moody, caring [to her kids], motherly, cantankerous, jealous. A savage. People don’t give Cancer’s the credit they deserve in terms of what they’re capable of. Cersei is a prime example of the type of person who can show unrivaled levels of devotion to the one’s they love. “No one matters but us.” She can be cruel because she lets her emotions rule her actions. When her safety is threatened, she makes sure no one else feels safe either. She loves with a ferocity only rivaled by...

Catelyn Stark- Another mother who would die [quite literally] for her children. Fierce, Protective. Doting. JEALOUS. Let’s not forget how she treated Jon all because she believed Ned’s lie about him being a bastard. Followed her son into battle. Damn near lost her hands fighting off Bran’s would-be assassin. 

Leo

Jaime Lannister- Proud. Handsome. Princely. Funny. We seem him go from underdeveloped Leo [arrogant, selfish, bully, prideful, snob, loyal to no one but himself] to developed [Kind, helpful, warm, honest]. Fought bears for his friends. Skilled and proud fighter even without the use of both his hands. Unfortunately, his loyalty caused him to stay loyal to his twin towards the end, but such is the nature of a Leo. They’re hard-pressed to abandon those they truly care for.

Brienne of Tarth- LOYAL. Proud. Devoted. A bit of a flare for drama especially brandishing her sword. Brienne is the definition of Leonine traits. Hard to miss. Devoted to those who show her kindness, i.e Renly, Catelyn, Jaime, Sansa, etc. Always at the front lines in war screaming “STAND YOUR GROUND”. Unrivaled levels of bravery and courage. Not to be fucked with. A true Queen.

Virgo

Samwell Tarley- Intelligent. Scholarly. Methodical. Always with his nose in a book. Unproblematic king. Caught the things everyone else missed, especially when he was an apprentice in Old Towne. Figured out how to cure Jorah Mormont’s affliction on his OWN without any formal training. Genius.

Lord Varys- Remember, Virgo is also ruled by Mercury who is the most cunning of the planetary rulers. Varys always had a spy to collect intel on everyone. A tactician. Never lost his temper. Always had the scoop but didn’t partake in gossip for gossip's sake. Not afraid to be critical or tell those “in charge” his opinion. We can see this specifically when he critiques Aerys, Daenerys, and Robert. 

Libra

Davos Seaworth- a skilled diplomat. Davos is always seen seeking balance and fairness in the situations he finds himself in. The minute you see this man in a scene you know he’s going to give a moving speech and get someone out fo a sticky situation. He convinced the Iron Bank to support Stannis. Convinced Daenerys to entertain Jon Snow when they traveled to Dragonstone. Always breaking up a fight. He is in full support of law and order, especially when he called for Melisandre’s head after discovering her part in Shireen’s death [RIP.]

Rhaegar Targaryen- Had a love of music. Harmony. Balance. He brought two families together [Stark and Targaryen]. He was also blessed by Venus in my opinion because he was said to be extremely handsome. A fabulous singer. A fighter yes, but a lover first. Very good with diplomacy but not the best with defending himself against his cousin sign, Taurus [Robert Baratheon].

Scorpio

Daenerys Targaryen- Many see her as an Aries but I have to respectfully disagree. Daenerys is a Scorpio in my opinion. Remember, Scorpio is honorary fire. She was literally “reborn from the ashes”. A Phoenix, Scorpio’s final form. She went from a silent and meek girl to a skilled and commanding Empress. Unlike Arians, she did not jump headfirst into battle. It took many arrows in her dragons, many slights to her ego, copious council from her advisors, dozens of her loved ones lost for her to go nuclear. Like her father, she hungered for power, a very Scorpionic trait. However she, unlike her father, listened to reason [Jorah, Tyrion, and Barristan Selmy]. She had a long fuse until she didn’t, and then that’s when she rained fire and blood on everyone in King’s Landing. She was skilled at retribution and was unapologetic with it *cough* the Tarleys *cough*.. Unlike Arians who pop off at the drop of a hat, she gave her enemies fair warning if/when they crossed her.

Arya Stark- You already know what it is with this one. Arya is pretty much death [Pluto], personified. Stealthy. A tactician. VENGEFUL. I think we all fist-pumped when she served Filch Walder Frey his sons in that pie. Never forgets a slight. Keeps a list of people who’ve wronged her [All Scorpios can probably relate]. You never see her coming. She is “no-one”. She is the assassin that slips through the back. She may seem calm at first but trust that she has been planning your downfall for a while. LOYAL. The definition of a Scorpio.

Melisandre- Dark. Mysterious. Unafraid of the occult. So much of her life is unknown and I’m sure that’s how she preferred it. Even her Lord of light was mysterious. Strong supernatural abilities and highkey psychic. Knew immediately how many “eyes” Arya would “close.” Had ties to the underworld which is demonstrated with her ability to resurrect the dead. Came through at the clutch in the last battle wielding fire [Mars] with her witchcraft. It’s no secret that Scorpios are some of the most skilled in sorcery.

Sagittarius

Missandei- Exotic. From Naath which is an island just above the mysterious continent of Sothoryos. A world traveler. Lucky enough to escape slavery [until the end]. Jupiter's influence is here in my opinion because she is so kind and friendly. Also a polyglot and gifted with the ability to speak 19 languages. Her fire is seen at the end of the series when she tells her best friend “Dracarys”-- meaning “fire” in High Valyrian. She isn’t afraid to call wrath down on others.

Olenna Tyrell- Loud, unapologetically blunt, zero-filter, feisty. Olenna to me is the definition of Sagittarius. Always speaks her mind. Clap back queen. Will call you out. Was also quite promiscuous in her younger years. Very charismatic and extremely likable despite her penchant for saying whatever was on her mind.

Capricorn

Tywin Lannister- I can’t see the patriarch of the most notorious family in Westeros being anything other than a Capricorn. Methodical. Structured. Business-minded. Karmic [A "Lannister always repays his debts"] Cold. Cruel. Unfeeling. Like Saturn, he is the father figure. Basically ran the 7 Kingdoms for Aerys, [which was probably why the latter was so salty towards him.] Always has a plan. The man you want in charge if we’re strictly talking about law and order. Vindictive [had the mountain kill Elia because Rhaegar rejected Cersei.] He’s the ultimate son-of-a-bitch.

Jon Snow- Brooding hero that he is, Bae Jon Snow is without a doubt a Capricorn in my eyes. Duty-bound. Serious. A leader in his own right. Could also be cold and unfeeling in terms of distributing karmic justice. Lest we forget the “fetch-me-a-block” situation with Janos Slynt. In addition, the moment he was resurrected he took vengeance against the black brothers who betrayed him. Saturn, Like Pluto, is all about karmic justice. The beating he put on Ramsey after The Battle of the Bastards was one thousand percent a karmic beating. A proper lover as well, according to Ygritte, Jon also knew how to handle himself in the bedroom, a trait very akin to Capricorns.

Aquarius

Bran Stark- I thought about making Bran a Pisces, but then I changed my mind. Remember Uranus rules sudden insights and hardcore psychic receptivity. It also rules sudden and unexpected catastrophes or surprises/ sudden breaks. Bran suffered a literal “tower” moment at the beginning of the series which resulted in his psychic powers developing. Once he became the three-eyed raven, he became very detached from the world.

Grey Worm- Aquarius is also androgynous. Grey Worm is a eunuch. He is always down to fight for a cause though, specifically his queen’s. Cares about others, specifically Missandei, and was seen towards the latter season speaking up for the Unsullied against the slavers. Fierce combatant but also very detached. His job is his job.

Pisces

Jaqen H’ghar- Much like Neptune, Pisces’ ruler Jaqen has a mysterious and illusive personality. He wears “many faces”. Skilled at illusion and very very intuitive. Has a soft side though which is clearly seen with how he treats Arya. Hardly ever flies off the handle. Calm. Cool. Collected.

Hodor- Sweet and gentle giant, Hodor is a Pisces to me. Affected by psychic trauma, it’s revealed why “Hodor” is the only thing he can say. Calm. A bit of a baby. Caring. Easily adaptable [think of all the terrain he carried Bran through]

Eddard Stark- I don't care what anyone says, Ned stark to me represents the most developed form of a Pisces. Like the Hanged-Man in Tarot that represents sacrifice and which Neptune Rules, he willingly sacrificed his reputation as honorable for his sister, Lyanna. He later sacrifices himself for his children when he died at Joffrey’s [little bitch] command. He is wise. Though appears cold, he is actually a well of feeling and caring. Unfortunately, he also suffered from the naivety of Neptunian influence which is why he wasn’t very skilled at the Game of Thrones, which calls for more tactical ruthlessness. Pisceans however also have the rage of Poseidon flowing through their veins [which people like to forget]. This was displayed when he pinned Petyr Baelish to the Wall in King’s Landing for daring to dishonor Cat by inviting her into a Brothel. RIP, King Stark.

[feverinfeveroutfic]

chapter twenty-three: flight or fight

“Every couple that loves each other very much will fight at some point.” -my dad about 14 years ago

Sam kept the sheet of rice paper close to her as Cliff walked her across the street. Even with the closeness to the San Francisco Bay, she believed it would snow at any given moment from the heavy dark blanket of thick clouds over them; meanwhile, she held onto his hand with her free one. Every so often, she took a glimpse down at the paper and the rose scrawled in soft pencil. Even as a young guitarist, he could draw quite well, as if he had been doing it for years.

She thought about the recent drawings she had made, namely the ones she made for her first tier drawing class, and she struggled with shading with the graphite pencils. Alex filled it in even with a bit of the graphite and he was able to resemble to a genuine rose, complete with those pointed petals and a pair of fine little leaves. His penmanship was quite neat but still scratchy with the rush of an autograph.

“You with me?” Cliff called back to her as they reached the street corner. Sam lifted her head in time for the curb right before them, and they stood side by side. She kept the paper next to her chest. She wondered why Alex didn't mention the fan club given she had sent in those papers two months before and thus they could've had enough time to give her something as a member of their new club, but then again, he was in a hurry and he needed to be home.

No sooner had that thought crossed her mind when she recognized Alex himself right across the street, and with the yarmulke still upon his head as well. He stood at the curb as if he awaited a ride from someone, or the city bus back to his place. Cliff saw him as well, and even though they had no ride themselves, he waved at him to grab his attention.

“Hey, Alex!” he called after him, and his voice echoed over the pavement. “—Alex!”

But Alex kept on going towards the other side of the street, way out of earshot. He walked at a brisk pace past a small blue car parked at the curb. A little beige car rolled towards him the stoplight across the corner, and he almost broke into a run towards it. He stuck his guitar case into the back seat first and then he slipped into the actual seat itself.

“He probably didn't hear you,” she assured Cliff, and she tucked the rice paper into her coat pocket. As long as she didn't forget it was there. “Anyways, where are you taking me?”

The car up ahead drove way and Cliff turned his attention to her.

“Right over here,” he pointed up the block. “Alex running up there brought my attention to this restaurant here. I was willing to call them from a payphone but that little nondescript car right there at the curb beat me to it, though.”

He held onto the crown of his hat as he led her into the cozy restaurant. She spotted an elderly couple and a young woman nestled in a booth on the far side of the room: the woman resembled to Cliff from the look in her eyes. She pointed them out once they made their way over to them.

The bespectacled white haired man wrapped in a heavy sweater then stood to his feet and turned around, and showed Cliff a big beaming smile.

“Hey, Dad,” he greeted Ray Burton, who put his arms around Cliff.

“What a surprise!” he declared as part of his own greeting.

“I recognized Con's car at the curb,” Cliff explained as he stood back a bit, “and I wanted to come on in and show you what I brought.”

He turned his attention to Sam, and Ray gasped at the sight of her.

“Is this that little girl you were telling me and your mother about?” he asked his son in a broken voice.

“Darling Samantha from New York,” Cliff introduced her, and Sam held out her hand for him. “The art student who already has a bit of a reputation with us, Anthrax, and also Stormtroopers.” Ray put his hands on either side and then he brought her hand to his lips for a little kiss.

“A friend of Cliff's is a friend of ours,” he told her with a little twinkle in his eye. He then gestured for the two kids to join them at the table in the corner.

Connie had a lovely heart shaped face and her dark hair sat flat upon her head much like with her brother. She was a bass player herself but she hadn't the same confidence as him.

“I hope you can do something with it, though,” Sam assured her.

“Cliff is the true artist,” she replied with a shrug of her shoulders. “There's something empowering about being his eyes and ears, though.”

Jan whispered something into Cliff's ear right then and he nodded in response, complete with a lopsided little smile on his face.

“Eyes and ears but not the whole dead body, though?” Sam joked as she held her water glass close to her lips.

“Not the whole dead body, exactly!”

“If the dead body starts playing an instrument, I'll be impressed,” Cliff retorted as he took a sip of his black tea.

“Like bass?” That brought a laugh out of Ray and Jan both. But Connie gasped and Cliff almost gagged on his cup of tea. Sam paused for a second. It was something meant to be innocuous but she had no idea that would bring the whole conversation to a grinding halt around her. She brought her hands to her mouth and she could feel her face growing hot.

“I'm so sorry, I didn't mean—”

But then Connie burst out laughing, albeit a nervous laugh. Ray reached across the table so as to touch her hand and Jan shook her head.

“Oh, no, it's okay, sweet heart,” she assured her. “We've learned to laugh at pain! It's brought us a world of good for the better part of ten years now.”

But every so often she looked over at Cliff, who showed her a look of disdain whenever he got the chance. And she knew she had to pay for that joke as it came in the form of a glass of sparkling apple cider spilled onto her jacket pocket. Frantic, she brushed off the cider with her napkin as she remembered that rice paper was inside of that pocket.

She bowed into the ladies' room to wash it off all the way with paper towels and a bit of cold water. She wadded the paper towel in her fist and then she took the paper out of her pocket and she held it up to the pale bathroom lights. Not a single blemish one, but the graphite on Alex's name began to fade, perhaps from being in her pocket for so long.

She had to better protect it as she tucked it away in her pocket for a little while longer.

Cliff was silent for the rest of the evening and their dinner with his parents and his sister. But it looked as though he had let it go given he never mentioned that joke one time, and in fact he offered to buy Sam a plate of cake for them to split after dinner. Ray and Jan both insisted on slices of cake for each of the three kids. Connie vowed to find something for Sam if not for Christmas then her birthday.

“Oh, shit, that's coming up here, isn't it?” Cliff asked her right then.

“My birthday? Yeah. The twenty first. I'm turning twenty one believe it or not.”

“Good thing we got the sparkling cider then!” Ray chuckled with a raise of his crystal glass.

By seven thirty, the Burtons let Sam and Cliff loose back on the street, where they spotted Ruben and Esmé's car posted by the venue. They flashed their head lights of them and they hurried up the street together. Sam had completely forgotten about the joke as they returned home to Reno: they had had dinner already but Esmé wanted them to at least try the new cake they had brought home with them from San Francisco.

Indeed, it would be a full ten days of treats and all manner of food courtesy of the parents, but Sam didn't mind in the least. She was on vacation with her boyfriend and in what better place than the area she grew up in: if she returned home with a few extra pounds, it was all worth it.

The day after Christmas, she showed him her old school near the north side of town. They sat inside of the back seat of the car as she pointed out all those old buildings and the old courtyard in the center of it all.

“The onslaught of memories right now,” Esmé remarked at one point.

“There's just so many,” Sam agreed with her as they reached the far corner outside of the campus. “Almost too many memories to think about!”

A couple of days later, the four of them made another day trip over the mountains to the Bay Area, but that time it was for the first of Metallica's shows before the new year. Sam noticed the waist of her jeans and the bottom of her long sleeved shirt both fitting her a little bit more snugly than before, but at the rest stop in the mountains, she walked along the wet pavement towards Cliff with a bit of a sashay to her step, and he returned the favor with a wink and a mischievous little smile.

She also noticed Lars and Kirk both looking at her more than usual as well before the show after he had whisked the four of them backstage. Ruben made a joke about how they had the best seats in the house but it was confirmed. Given the whole set stood wide open under a series of lights, they found they sat right next to the stage with a full view of James' long blond hair as it sprawled down his shoulders; of Kirk and his long black curls in the vein of the tentacles of an octopus; of Lars and his wild jerky movements all around his drum kit; and of Cliff himself as he towered on one side of the stage, complete with those big bell bottoms over his boots. They plowed forth with the vast wall of noise, but Sam noticed something different about them.

Maybe it was the size of the stage, or maybe it was the lack of glances to each other, but they seemed a little more distant from each other in comparison to Legacy, Anthrax, and the Cherry Suicides.

She began to wonder if everything Cliff had told her about him and Lars started to ring true as he hardly looked over at the big drum kit for the entire show.

They only played a small set, but it was enough to for her to start thinking about their tour with Anthrax in a few months. The stagehands waved him off and he caught up with Sam and her parents right there. The four of them ducked out to the backstage area and ultimately, the back door.

“Cliff, that was incredible!” Esmé declared over the roar of the crowd, but then again, it might have been the leftover whirring from all the noise within Sam's ears that made her think the crowd was still going.

“I definitely wanna see you guys again,” Ruben agreed as he pushed open the door.

“Wait, don't you all wanna come along backstage and meet everybody?” Cliff asked them.

“That's so lovely of you, but it looked like it was gonna snow, though,” Esmé replied.

“Yeah, I'm sure you know how that road gets when it snows,” Ruben added, and he held the door ajar enough to let in a sliver of a street light to the otherwise dark spot. “I mean, we've got chains once we get back into Nevada—”

“Oh, absolutely! I'll just tell the three of them that we're going, though.” Cliff then hurried back to the dressing room to do just that and also to fetch his hat. Meanwhile, Ruben held the door for Esmé and Sam. The snow was upon them as they piled into the car there at the curb together: Sam shivered and rubbed her arms, even though she had on her jacket. That piece of rice paper still in her pocket.

“Yeah, we better get a move on,” Ruben declared as he took a glimpse in the side mirror. “Is that him?”

“If he's got a hat on, I would think so,” Sam told him. The door next to her swung open and Cliff slid into the back seat with that hat upon his head. Without another word, they drove away from there and headed on over the freeway. A four drive and the clouds over them menaced with that orange glow of snow.

“We're doing another show on New Year's Eve,” he told them at one point. “But Sam's leaving tomorrow, though.”

“Yeah, I am,” she replied as she huddled closer to him there in the back seat.

The four of them were silent for a little while longer, at least until they reached the top of the mountain summit and the snow still hadn't begun yet. Ruben said something and Esmé chuckled at it. Cliff then turned his attention back to Sam.

“Stay with me,” he begged her in a hushed voice. “Please stay with me.”

“But my life is in New York!” she said: it was a bit difficult given her ears still whirred from the noise of the show and whirred even more from the noise of the road, but she managed to keep her voice down low.

“But I want you with me, though,” he insisted. “Please. Sam, please, stay with me.”

“You'll have to come to New York then,” she pointed out.

“I don't really want to, though—as much as I love it over there and as close as it is to me.”

“But you can do it, though,” she insisted. “You can move across country.”

“I'd think it's hard, though,” he resisted.

“It is, like it take a bit of adjusting, but it also isn't, though. You get acquainted with the weather changes and the three hour time difference pretty quick if you let it.”

“But I can't really leave the Bay Area, though. This is my home, and you hailing from California, it'd be like a home coming of sorts.”

“Going to New York was a home coming of sorts,” she continued, stubborn.

“Well, I don't know if I can keep doing this long distance thing,” he confessed.

“Why?” She frowned at that.

“Because it's long distance,” he explained. “I want to be closer to you.”

“We can work it out, though,” she consoled him.

“But how can we work it out is what I'm asking. Neither of us are willing to leave our homes for each other. I think that's fucked up.”

“It is fucked up. But it's the truth about the both of us, though.”

They both fell back into silence as Ruben and Esmé chatted about something in the front seat before them. Her parents had lasted that long and yet they still spoke to one another as if they were the only best friends they ever needed in life. They were the only best friends they ever needed in life.

She glanced over at Cliff and she had no idea what she was doing wrong right then.

It was a four hour drive but they managed to make it back home to Reno in time before the next snowstorm from the lake slammed into the area. A black sky and a gust of snow riddled wind later, and Sam and Cliff returned to her old bedroom for one last night before she returned home to New York City alone. Sam set down her purse and she draped her coat over the back of the chair. She began changing her clothes when Cliff took a seat on his side of the bed. It was going to be a long distance thing and she had no idea if it would last given the entirety of the distance. She hesitated for a second and she watched him take off his boots and his bell bottoms.

“I also don't know how our parents would react to one of us having a spouse from either coast, either,” he confessed in order to break the silence.

“What do you mean? I thought your parents liked me.”

“They do. It's just—” He hesitated as she slipped on her pajama bottoms.

“What?”

“I don't know if they like your sense of humor, though,” he replied in a small voice.

“What—What you still thinking about that?” she demanded.

“Yes,” he answered, nonchalant.

“I was just making a joke, though!” she declared. “I even apologized to your dad and he told me it was fine. Connie even took it in stride!”

“Yeah, it might be fine by my parents and my sister, but that doesn't mean I'm fine with it.”

“Cliff, I was trying to have a laugh at that!” she said, heated. “I figure that, since it's winter time, it's a good time to laugh at things that make you feel otherwise somber. And your family is willing to remember Scott in a fond light, too. You're making a huge deal out of something that can probably help you.”

“Yeah, but sometimes it can be in poor taste, though,” he pointed out. “And hey, at least I didn't let my dark sense of humor out of the bag at the worst possible time over Christmas dinner.”

“Oh, my god, will you let that go already?” She was scorn. “I apologized to Connie and she told me it was funny. But I didn't know it would hit a nerve like this.”

“Oh, come on, you know how difficult it is for us to talk about Scott's death,” he retorted.

“No, I didn't?” She had to stifle a chuckle at the sound of that. “Also—us? It's just you, Cliff!”

“And it's not funny!” he exclaimed.

“I wasn't laughing right then? Hey, you know what? I'm not the one who laughed like a maniac when I got that wine on my blouse and I was freaking out it soaked through my coat, onto that little piece of rice paper that Alex gave me.”

“Yeah, but I'm not the one who pulled that kind of petty tasteless shit in front of your parents, though, Samantha,” he jeered. “Petty, tasteless shit when the wound is still raw.”

“Yeah, well, I'm not the one who lied about going on tour with Anthrax, Cliff!” she spat, and then she stopped herself. That took him aback at first, and then he frowned at that.

“Wait, how'd you know they were coming with us?” he demanded.

“Joey told me,” she blurted out.

“Joey told you? When did he tell you?”

“Last month. We had coffee together and he told me that you guys were going on tour with them. What I want to know is why didn't you tell me you were going tour with them?”

“Because we had no idea if they actually were, Sam!” he insisted. “And that shit's confidential, too, I'm sure you know about that.”

“Well, of course but—”

“But what?”

“But you still lied to me about it, though,” she continued on. “You could've at least told me about it and then maybe I could work something out with my classes.”

Cliff kept the frown firmly plastered across the face, and he tilted his head to the side a bit.

“Wait a minute,” he started in a low voice. “Are you seeing Joey behind my back?”

“What does that have to do with anything?” she argued.

“You met up with Joey for a cup of coffee,” he recalled, “are you seeing him behind my back?”

“No! Why would I do that?”

“Because he's a New Yorker! That's why you don't want to leave New York, isn't it?”

“No—Cliff, what the hell, no!” she stammered. “I told you clearly that I'm not leaving New York because I have school and I went there for a reason. It has nothing to do with you or Joey. And now, let me ask you something.”

“Surprise me,” he commanded with his arms folded across his chest.

“It's perfectly okay for you to lie to me but not for me to do it to you, too?” she demanded in a single breath and with her hands pressed onto her hips. Cliff nibbled on his bottom lip and he watched her with a stern look on his face. She had him right there.

“It's okay for you to lie to me and slack away, but it's not okay for me to do it back to you?” she repeated.

He never replied. Without another word, she rolled her eyes and she crawled into bed next to him. She reached up and switched off the lamp on the nightstand, and the room engulfed with tense darkness.

“Your lies are not comparable to mine,” he pointed out in a low voice. Sam rolled over onto her back and she glared up at his dark silhouette, still upright before the headboard of the bed.

“When have I ever lied to you?” she demanded to him.

“No, I'm not talking about you,” he clarified, “talking about my own lies.”

“What the hell does that even mean? When have you lied to me about something so serious that it can compromise our relationship? Besides the fact that you don't trust me?”

“It means—it means—” He could hardly speak, and Sam rolled her eyes again and she turned back onto her side. She sighed through her nose and closed her eyes. She didn't hear Cliff's answer and she didn't care, either.

She especially didn't move a muscle when he touched her hip and whispered, “you're getting soft. I like it.” right into her ear.

She fell asleep and she awoke the next morning ready for the return to New York.

She didn't even give Cliff a good morning kiss or anything of that nature upon her waking. Ruben offered to drive Cliff back home to the Bay Area given the snow had melted away enough to make that drive solo; Sam took to the back seat with her arms folded across her chest. Every so often, Ruben peered into the rear view mirror and he knitted his eyebrows at her. When they reached the airport and climbed out the cold crisp snowy morning, he turned to her with a concerned look on his face.

“Is everything okay?” he asked her in a low voice.

“We got in a big fight last night,” she replied right into his face. “He's lied to me about some things and I don't know if he trusts me. Like he basically admitted to me that he doesn't trust me.”

“Well, honey—every relationship has its speed bumps from time to time,” Ruben explained, “like your mom and I have had our share of arguments when we first got together. But after a while, you learn from each other's mistakes. I can hope that Cliff learns his lesson and he can learn to give you what you want. My best advice is to convince him to trust you. Keep showing yourself to him. Show him how you feel when you get the chance.”

Sam swallowed and then she nodded her head in response to that. Ruben put his arms around her and she lay her head against his chest for a minute, but it felt like a blink of an eye. They followed Cliff into the airport, towards her gate near the far end of the shiny white corridor. Ruben gave her one last embrace before he let her go back home to New York.

She picked up her things and she strode past Cliff towards the gate.

“Sam!” he called after her, and she turned to him with a stone cold expression on her face.

“Will you at least come back here to visit before we head out on tour with Anthrax?” he asked her.

“I'll come back when I feel like it,” she scoffed at him as Ruben's words remained firmly in mind, and she turned away from him.

“Will you come to any of the shows this spring?” he called after her. She stopped right in her tracks. She had promised Joey that she would for them at the Northeastern dates, but after the night before, she had no idea if she was willing to do it for Metallica.

“I don't know. We'll see.” Without another word, and without a kiss goodbye, Sam wheeled around and she headed on down the gateway to the plane, which at that moment felt as though it awaited her. She took her seat next to the window, once more behind first class. She folded her arms across her chest and sighed through her nose.

The first flurries of snow floated down from the gray sky overhead. Cliff was still in there and although she knew he couldn't see her, she couldn't help but feel that he could see her. Sam sighed through her nose as she kept on thinking about what her father told her. He needed to know the truth. He deserved the truth.

The one question that hung over her head was could she even tell him the truth once she landed back in New York.

[toxoiddiamond]

RORY EOIN LARKIN If they had to listen to only one musical artist forever, who would they choose? He would probably choose The Clash– he loves rock music in general, especially punk, and The Clash was his favorite band growing up, so he’d be fine listening to them for the rest of his life. How would someone realize they were irritated or impatient? Rory is a pretty nice person, easygoing and laid back, not overly friendly but generally patient with people and willing to talk to anyone who talks to him first. It takes a lot to get him irritated enough to actually show it. But if he does get to that point, his answers start getting shorter and more to the point, he sort of closes himself off and becomes less willing to engage, and he will excuse himself as quickly as possible to get himself out of the situation. Do they follow the news or avoid it? He doesn’t follow the news too much, but doesn’t avoid it either. If he hears that there is something important or major going on, he’ll look it up and read all about it. But he doesn’t check the news every morning or watch the news when he gets home unless there’s some story he’s following. If they could relive one day of their life without changing anything that happened, which day would they choose? He would probably choose any of the dates/nights out he had with Simon, honestly. Being with Simon was the happiest he’s ever been in his life, and if he could revisit any of those memories one more time, he would be a happy man. Write about the consequences of keeping quiet when they should have spoken up. Rory’s biggest regret in life is that he never told Simon he loved him. He constantly wonders how things would have turned out if he would have been more honest and not such a coward. Although part of him is certain it wouldn’t have changed anything, that there’s no way they could have made things work long distance, he can’t help but wonder if maybe, just maybe, they could have made it. Maybe they would be together now if Rory had gotten up the courage to admit his feelings. Do they have a story about a friend who broke their trust? Write about how it made them feel when it happened and how they feel (not think) about it today. When he was a teenager and just beginning to come to terms with his sexuality, he came out to a friend he trusted and asked them to keep it a secret. They did not keep it a secret, and by the next day, it seemed like the entire school knew. Rory was extremely upset, but never confronted his supposed “friend” about it– he simply cut all ties with said friend and never spoke to them again, even when they tried to apologize. They see their Ex making out with one of their friends. What do they do? I guess it depends on which ex. When it comes to most of his exes, he wouldn’t really care– he might be a bit jealous, because that’s only natural, but he wouldn’t be angry. But if it was an ex he had actually been in love with– such as Simon, or Cyril (his longest relationship to date– they were nearly in a common law marriage), he would be very unhappy about it. He wouldn’t confront them, but he would probably avoid said friend and also whichever ex it was. Are they most likely to fight with their fists or their tongue? He’d be more likely to fight verbally than physically. That being said, if someone really crosses the line with him, he’s not afraid to throw a few punches. Were their grandparents alive when they were born? Describe their relationship with their parents. His grandparents on his mother’s side were alive, and his grandfather on his father’s side was alive. His mother didn’t have a great relationship with her parents– they were super Catholic and overbearing, and were very upset with her for getting pregnant out of wedlock and refusing to marry the father right away (they did eventually get married when Rory was about five years old). Their relationship was always strained after that, and she never let them into Rory’s life because she didn’t want them to try and poison him with their religious bullshit. Rory’s father had a much better relationship with his parents, and after his mother passed away, his father came and lived with them. When Rory was born, he helped out a lot with taking care of Rory and taking care of things around the house. Rory was very close with him and was devastated when he passed away shortly after Rory turned sixteen. If their ex suddenly kissed them right now, what would they do? If it was Cyril that kissed him, Rory would pull away and reject his advances. There were too many issues in their relationship, too many fights and hurtful words exchanged, for Rory to ever want anything to do with him again. But if it was Simon, let’s be real here, Rory would kiss him back without hesitation. Summer, Fall, Winter or Spring? He loves the snow, so winter is probably his favorite. He loves the way it looks, he loves the cold weather, he loves being inside with a steaming hot cup of tea with a blanket wrapped around him while he watches the snow fall– he just loves winter. He could never live someplace where it doesn’t snow. What does their morning routine look like? He rolls out of bed around 6:45 in the morning, throws his clothes on, pours himself a thermos of plain black coffee, and then he’s off to work. If he’s left himself enough time, he’ll stop at a cafe near his work and grab a bagel or a breakfast sandwich to wolf down before he actually clocks in for the day. On his days off, he likes to sleep in as long as he can (which is normally until about 10am), then he gets up and makes himself some tea, then sits and plays either piano or guitar for a couple of hours before going out to run whatever errands he needs to do that day. What’s something they quit, that they now regret giving up on? Music. He used to be in a band, and although he knew they wouldn’t ever be famous, he really enjoyed playing music and playing small venues. His dream was always to have his own music label someday, but of course that never really panned out for him. He sometimes wonders what his life would be like if he had actually pursued his dream instead of giving up, but that line of thinking is too depressing and he never dwells on it for long. How well would they handle a long-distance relationship? Rory would find long distance incredibly difficult. Not because he would be tempted to cheat or to leave his partner, but because he would constantly be worried that his partner would forget about him. He’d be really paranoid and stressed out the entire time because he’d constantly be expecting to be broken up with. How did they do in school? What is/was their favorite subject? Rory always loved his art and music classes the most, and he did pretty well in his literature classes as well. He wasn’t amazing in math or science, but he always at least passed his classes. He was never a straight A student, but he studied hard and was decent in school. Would they prefer a neat or a more comfortable home? Describe the room they’re sitting in now. He much prefers a comfortable home. He’s not a slob by any means, but he’s also not a neat freak and likes his place looking cozy and lived-in. A little clutter doesn’t bother him. He spends a lot of his time at home in his living room, which has blackout curtains on the windows (he opens them on days when he’s actually home, but leaves them closed otherwise), a comfortable couch he’s had for nearly fifteen years, a small glass coffee table, and a reclining armchair. The floor is hardwood, and he’s laid a slightly beat-up area rug out in the middle of the room. There’s a small bookshelf with a combination of books and DVDs on it (Rory switched over to reading e-books some time ago since it’s more convenient), and a decently large TV mounted on the wall. There’s some clutter here and there, and it’s not spotless, but overall it’s clean and a very comfortable, inviting space. How do they react to stressful situations? Defensively? Aggressively? Evasively? For the most part, Rory handles stress pretty well, at least outwardly. He knows how to put on a good front and act like nothing really bothers him, even when it does. He’s also not really the type to ask anyone for help when he needs it, so he’s overburdened a lot of the time. His stress tends to manifest mostly as physical symptoms– soreness in his shoulders and his back, headaches, fatigue. Who was the first person to break their heart? I mean. He kind of broke his own heart, honestly. He knew that Simon didn’t want them to break up, he knew that Simon wanted to try long distance, but he just couldn’t see it working out for them. Rory was the one that ended the relationship between them, and it was his first real heartbreak. Do they like or dislike their job? He doesn’t hate his job, but he doesn’t really like it either. It’s just something he does in order to pay the bills, but working in a foundry was never his dream. He doesn’t get any kind of mental fulfillment from it. But he likes a lot of the people he works with, and although he’s often tired and sore at the end of the day, he does find the hard work to be satisfying in a way. Although he’s been working at the foundry for many years, he knows he’s only got a couple of years left before the job becomes too much for him– he’s already very worn down in a physical sense, and he knows if he tries to keep working this job for the rest of his life, he’s just going to end up destroying his body. He plans on trying to find a new job within the next couple of years, but he has no idea what sort of job he wants. Do they prefer routine or spontaneity? As much of a homebody as Rory is these days, he really does appreciate spontaneity. Anytime he’s invited out for a drink with the boys at the last minute, he is bound to say yes. Or if a friend calls him up on a weekend and invites him to a party, a concert, etc, Rory is almost always up for it. He always likes a bit of excitement to break up his routine.

[bitsandbobsandstuff]

A love that never leaves (2)

Summary: Sometimes when you go looking for the past, you find things you never expected. When an accident brings him face to face with something he never knew he lost, Bucky Barnes begins to understand an age old truth – it’s so easy, sometimes, to love the things that destroy us.

Characters: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warnings: Bad language. Sad Bucky.

A/N: The plot thickens. Bucky recovers from a shit situation and learns more about the person who found him. Remembering is really hard and memories do not cooperate.

I’m planning to post a chapter a week, on either Saturday or Sunday. I tried to tag everyone who reached out, but if I missed you, it was unintentional, so please send me a DM or ASK, it’s easier for me to track. Otherwise you can find the new updates each weekend!

MASTERLIST ALTNL MASTERLIST

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

Previously...

The figure halts. A gloved hand reaches to pull back the hood of the white coat and a woman’s face appears. Even through the howling wind, Bucky hears her question clearly and he doesn’t understand why the two syllables feel like a knife ripping through skin and bone and thick sinew, straight to his heart.

“Soldier?”

She speaks hesitantly, her voice tinged with a peculiar hint of hope. Bucky wants to ruminate further, but his fingers are rubbing the slippery edges of his gunshot wounds and the snow around him is greedy, lusting for the hot blood he spills.

He wants to answer. He tries to answer, he really does.

Instead, he falls face first into the soft snow.

*****

MISSION REPORT

CONTACT MADE BUT RESPONDENT ELIMINATED. BASE DID NOT REVEAL INFORMATION REQUIRED TO PROCEED TO NEXT RENDEZVOUS POINT. HOLD AND WAIT.

WITHOUT ADDITIONAL SUPPORT MISSION FAILURE IS IMMINENT. REQUESTING BACK UP FOR – 

For what? The words evaporate. Smoke in the wind. The pencil clatters to the floor and rolls away and his notebook follows. He goes to his knees in front of the brick wall and he slams his fist against it again and again, until his knuckles are shredded. 

He screams.

****

Bucky’s entire body is on fire.

Burning hot, scorching him from the inside out. This can’t be right, he’s done. He’s supposed to be done with this shit, what are they doing now? Bleary eyes open and he tries to speak. To tell them no, to leave him alone, to please just fucking stop. Heat races through his veins, suffocating him and he feels rivers of sweat coursing down his face, down his chest, down his arms. 

Above him, floats a blurry face, both intensely familiar and completely foreign. She wipes a cold cloth over his face and Bucky sighs in relief. 

Darkness comes again.

*****

We’ll meet again…don’t know where…don’t know when…but I know we’ll meet again, some sunny day…

The melody flows like water inside his head and Bucky follows it slowly, swimming languidly into consciousness. When he breaks the surface, his brain comes to life, but his eyes stay closed.

It’s a trait he perfected over the years, waking up without anyone realizing. Back then, he’d quickly discovered if you’re flat on your back and don’t know where you are, your safest bet is certainly not to show them you’re awake. Once they know, you lose your advantage.

That’s usually when the pain starts.

Instead, he starts his internal assessment. Ears straining for any hint of sound, he waits, listening for anything. The intake of breath, a quiet sniffle, the whisper of fabric, a footfall. Anything. The silence stretches and he’s finally forced to conclude – either his captor is just that good, or he’s alone. 

Cracking an eye, he draws a soundless breath, taking stock of his surroundings.

This is – interesting.  

The room he’s in is dim, suffused with swaths of muted daylight streaming in through the massive window in front of the bed. His eyes track the expanse of clear glass, stretching from the floor, extending up the vaulted ceiling and ending in a wide skylight. A small fireplace is tucked into the corner, a basket of logs piled next to the dark slate tiles, and the soothing pop and crackle of wood lulls him toward a sense of false security. 

Snow still falls outside, but it’s no longer the wailing blizzard; instead, fat, wet flakes drift quietly by, piling onto the tall evergreens hugging the window. 

Feeling the silky sheen of satin against his skin, he peeks under the sheets to find himself nearly naked, wearing nothing more than a crisp white bandage and skin-tight boxers. 

“What the sweet fuck is this shit?” he mutters, dropping the sheets and struggling to sit up. The bed is wide and covered in all shades of blue – a dusty blue duvet, sky blue sheets, a midnight blue quilt – and suddenly it all mixes into a watery blur when his vision goes sideways. Pain rips through him and he flops back, whining softly. Pressing gently against the bandage, the pain flares so fast, he digs his heels into the bed, spine arching unconsciously. He can feel it, actually feel it, the tugging sensation of his skin knitting itself back together. Sweat instantly pours down his face.

“Don’t scream,” he hisses through gritted teeth, “don’t scream you fuckin’ baby, don’t.”

Clamping his lips together, he swallows the sounds he’d desperately love to howl, focusing on counting the snowflakes drifting past the window. He loses count of the deep, calming breaths he takes and long minutes later, the worst appears to pass. For now. Bucky’s rigid muscles begin to relax.

He appreciates the whole healing fast thing, he really does, but the process is just fucking unpleasant.

Swinging his legs over the bed, toes curling into a plush rug, he wobbles to his feet. Looking around, he searches for his clothes, but he comes up empty handed. He doesn’t actually mind the lack of clothing, it’s more the lack of pockets for weapons that irritate him.

But a good solider can make a weapon from anything, so he snatches a log from the basket next to the fireplace, rotates his arm until the plates shift smoothly, and creeps from the bedroom.  

Tiptoeing down the steps to the first level, he stops short. 

The small town he’d infiltrated was derelict, gritty, downtrodden.

The home he finds himself inhabiting is the polar opposite.

Wooden steps lead down into a cosy stone and log cabin. The small kitchen has an island with a couple hand-hewn stools and an oak butcher block in the middle, burnished copper pots hanging from a rack above. The floor is a deep russet red, the wide-planked floorboards containing a myriad of knots and whorls. Above him, thick beams stretch the expanse of the room, with dark iron lighting fixtures casting a rosy glow through the room. In the centre wall of the living room, flanked with tall vertical windows, stands a fireplace, the uneven shapes of grey river rock fitting together seamlessly. From the tall windows, he has a clear view of a foggy mountain range. Another fire crackles and pops merrily in the calm silence. 

A cracked white pitcher filled with pine boughs gives off a sharp, clean scent and Bucky finds himself struggling to remain overly vigilant, because it’s beautiful. It’s a home. 

Beauty means nothing though. A lesson he learned the hard way through the years.

Slinking into the kitchen, he rummages through the silverware, turning up three finely sharpened knives. Two, he tucks into the elastic band of his boxers, feeling instant relief at the feel of the blades hugging his hip. The third, a large butcher knife, he flips around and holds outward, ready to swing.

Switching into stealth mode, he goes to work.

Rifling through kitchen cupboards and drawers. Lifting throw pillows and blankets from the sofa. Scanning rows of books arranged in alphabetical order. Searching a small linen closet. Ears perked for the sound of footsteps outside.

And yeah, he finds a few things.

A few weird things.

It starts in the small closet. Buried under a pile of quilts, he finds a heavy metal box. Pulling a bobby pin from the perpetual tangle of colorful hair-ties he keeps around his wrist, it takes a few tries before he has the lock picked. Lifting the lid reveals a perfectly folded pile of worn t-shirts. Shaking each out, he scans the logos – emblazoned across each one is a different city from Bon Jovi’s 1986 Slippery When Wet European tour. 

They’re just old t-shirts, the kinds you find people hawking at concert venues or in the bargain bin at a thrift store. Nothing special or expensive. Yet here they are, folded into neat squares and tucked into a box that could probably withstand an explosion. 

His confusion spirals, but Bucky fights a small smile. It seems odd, but hey, he really likes Bon Jovi too. Maybe he would do the same.

Re-folding the tissue thin cloth, he locks the box and stuffs it back in place.

Trying the bookcase next, he pulls books out, feeling behind them. Knuckles rap at random, tap, tap, tap, until he hears an unexpected thunk. The hollow sound gives it away and with a shove, he shifts the back panel and finds another small locked box. Holding it under his arm, he fiddles with the bobby pin again and the lid cracks. Two items appear.

A crushed red velvet jewelry bag.

A handful of cheap vintage postcards in a clear plastic bag.

Crouching to the floor, he shakes the contents of the jewelry bag free. A handful of silvery-blue pebbles clatter out and in the middle of the pile, a necklace. Bucky holds the worn chain up to the light. Spinning slowly on the end is a round disc, a little dingy and rubbed smooth, but he can see the outline. 

Bucky wasn’t exactly a good little Catholic growing up, and yeah, religion wasn’t the sort of personal expression Hydra encouraged for the Soldier. His knowledge of saints was spotty as a kid and is extensively worse now, but he recognizes the medal – he knows Steve had one, wore it during the war and was wearing it when his plane went down. He donated it to the Smithsonian when he returned. Most of the military seemed to have one back then and Bucky assumes he had one as well, although he has no clue.

On the little medal, is the image of Saint Michael. The patron saint of Soldiers.

Fingering the medal pensively, he tries to summon a memory, any memory. He figures he must have something in there that could build off this particular war-related trinket.

But no. Just like always.

Setting it gently aside, he opens the clear bag instead. Pulling out the postcards, he lines them carefully up in front of him, internally translating the languages.

Covered with palm trees, an exuberant statement in French: Welcome to sunny Nice!

A colorful boulevard linked with green trees in Spanish stating: The Beauty of Barcelona 

A laughing cartoon caricature of a man holding skis in Swiss German: Enjoy your Winter in Zurich

The solemn announcement in Italian, written over an image of the Coliseum: Hello from Rome: The Eternal City

Orange and red leaves, covering a giant beer stein in German: Oktoberfest in Munich!

And the dogged mantra of the stoic English, tall white letters against a soft pink backdrop: Keep Calm and Carry On

But the one that piques his interest the most, is last in the pile. A hand-painted postcard, the paint chipped and faded through time, of the Brooklyn Bridge at night. The title above in carefully printed letters reads: Brooklyn, New York – Thank God It’s Not Jersey. Bucky feels his heart stutter at the words, because he’s pretty god damn sure he and Steve used to throw out that same phrase. 

On the back of the Brooklyn postcard, he finds the inked shapes of two hearts tangled together.

Bucky stares hard at the image, so simple but vibrating with some unknown meaning. Flipping through all the other cards, he finds them blank, nothing more than a pretty collection. Bewildered and careening toward frustrated anger, he gathers them together and slips them into the bag. He bangs the box shut and hides it away again.

He finds three more locked boxes in his search, each containing innocuous items. One with a thin, moth-eaten baby blanket. One with a random assortment of old Life magazines.

After stowing away the final box, housing an envelope with three sepia toned photos of a tall man and a small girl, he spends another ten minutes searching for clues. Finally, he’s convinced the room has shared all its secrets - until he notices the crease in the rug below the coffee table.

Shoving the table aside, Bucky flips up the rug. In the middle of the floor, he finds a plank of wood slightly thinner than the others, with a small chink in the edge. Crouching down, he runs his thumb around it and nudges it up, finding a hidden space below.

There he finds one more box. His beleaguered bobby pin gives a final brave attempt and with a quiet snick, the lock pops open. 

Inside are three dusty books. Peeling gold letters line the spine of each, showing a single word, followed by three different numbers. 

Journal, 1967 Journal, 1968 Journal, 1969 

From the pages of 1969, a ticket stub flutters to the floor.

*****

Under the fall of lacy snowflakes, she walks. Circling the small cabin for hours, her toes are damn near frozen, but she finds herself unwilling to go back inside. He has to be waking soon and the thought of facing him makes her chest ache. Instead, she walks the narrow path along the bank of the rushing stream bordering her home and argues with herself.

Go inside. Ask him. Talk to him. See if he remembers. Tell him the truth! He deserves to know. Maybe he doesn’t want to hear it. Maybe he’ll just kill you and be done. Probably not though, you’re not that lucky.

Hysterical laughter bubbles up and she digs the puffy gloved heels of her palms into her eyes. She really needs to get out more. This constant talking to herself thing will get her institutionalized someday.

But she literally has no one else to talk to. And that right there, has always been the problem. 

Brushing the snow from a giant boulder, she gingerly sits. Bending forward, she drops her head to her knees and wraps her arms around her legs, trying desperately not to give in to the panic attack threatening to drive its anxious fingers into her brain. Memories begin to swirl and even after all this time, the sound of his voice rises so easily to the surface, a sweet, drawling Brooklyn twang that turns her stomach to knots.

“Je vais avoir de la chance ce soir. Il y a de belles femmes en France qui ne m'aiment pas?”

“Can I walk you home?”

“Wait for me darlin’, okay? Will you? I’ll come back for you. I promise I will.”

“You’re what I want. You’re what I’m always gonna want.”

“You and me, this kind of love, it lasts forever, okay? It’s never gonna leave.”

“Dammit. Shit shit shit,” she chants to herself. Thick and heavy, the memories press down until she buckles under the burden of remembering. Tears begin to fall, hot trails down her face and she wipes them away, her hands shaking. 

She stays on the frozen rock, letting time pass while the cold seeps through her clothes. The air is so icy, it makes her lungs seize.

*****

The butcher knife lays beside him, within easy reach. Bucky sits cross-legged on the floor, flicking through the pages at random. He pauses now and then, digging deeper, losing himself in the faded ink of another’s life.

19 May, 1967

America is strange. I arrived in Los Angeles with no goal, just rented a car and drove. First to the coast and saw the ocean. It was different than the first time Papa took me – I’ve never seen anything so blue. I tried not to think about it, but it was in my head. It’s always there. Blue everywhere. The water, the sky, his eyes. I can never leave it behind.

The songs on the radio here, they’re different too. It feels like the heart of this country is screaming and I see why. Vietnam is different. This war, it’s unexplainable maybe, but there’s a frustrated weariness in the words. 

But then again, is it really that different? No matter the fight, Soldiers still give their lives and leave their sweethearts crying in the streets. They promise to come home, that ridiculously naive optimism of youth, and instead they die in a battle they never wanted to join. It’s the universal truth of every fight, since the beginning of time. The tears should be enough to stop this all from happening, but no. War keeps coming, one after another, and soldiers answer the call.

I still remember what he said that night. It’s stayed with me more than anything else. They’ll run out of soldiers eventually, he said, like he was nothing more than a cheap commodity. He was so tired by the end. I should have helped him.

11 April, 1968

Last week I was walking by the book stalls down at the Seine and saw a bargain bin of English language books. I found a book of poetry and I swear to god, that damn thing fell open on this:

He was my North, my South, my East and West, My working week and my Sunday rest, My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song; I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one, Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun, Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood; For nothing now can ever come to any good. W.H. Auden

I don’t think I could find a better articulation of my mood. Either Fate has something against me, or I’m just that unlucky. I bought it. I couldn’t help myself.

21 July, 1969

Sometimes, I think miracles do still exist in this world.

Down at an old hotel, the entire town was crowded in the dining room. They had a TV balanced up on a shelf so everyone could see and they caught the BBC1 broadcast. The entire room was dead silent. It was overwhelming, I can still hardly imagine it. A man walking on the moon!

The whole time I kept thinking how much he would have loved this. How he would have laughed. How he probably would have tried to sign up to be a spaceman! The more I remembered, the more I thought about that night by the river, after we first met. All those stars in the sky. Decades later and I still wonder about it – how it’s possible to be so in love with someone – but then again, how could anyone fail to love him? He was so warm, so full of life and excitement and dreams. God. We had so many dreams, so many plans for the future. We were so naïve, thinking the world might owe us a little happiness. What a joke.

And now here I am. Alone with nothing but memories – just like always. That life we wanted, it’s as far away as the moon. Unreachable and impossible.

1 January, 1970 We never He was I thought A Soldier with a metal arm?

The journal ends there. 

Bucky looks at the ticket stub that fell from the delicate pages and the words bring forth a wavering reel of images, brand new and unfamiliar.

Moulin Rouge New Year’s Eve Ball Admittance: 1 Individual 31 December, 1969

The black lacquer of a piano. Silver sparkles reflecting from crystal chandeliers. The scent of fizzy champagne and the tang of blood and a dark apartment overlooking the twinkling lights of Paris.

Disoriented, Bucky sets the book down. What the hell is this? Who is she? She must be Hydra, she has to be. How else would she know the Soldier? Why did she take him, what does she want? Why does she have journals from so long ago, what do they mean?

It’s the eternal tragedy of his god damn life – always questions, never answers. He looks around the warm, peaceful little cabin and scrubs his hands down his face. He needs to plot his next move, but the bullet wounds throb with fresh, fiery pain and he’s suddenly and overwhelmingly exhausted.

So, he remains seated, surrounded by pages upon pages from someone else’s life.

Blinking back frustrated tears as he stares at the books, he knows without a doubt, that these three years of writing hold more memories than he could conjure in the lifetime he’s lived.

Distantly, he hears the slow crunch of boots on snow. Rousing himself from the miserable train of thought, he scrambles to his feet, turning to face the front door when footsteps hit the porch steps and begin to climb.

Bucky wipes the tears from his eyes. And he lifts his knife.

*****

Pacing back and forth across the small porch, she stops in front of the door and reaches for the handle.

And draws away again. Curses and keeps pacing. Tries again, pulls back.

“Open the door, you god damn coward,” she whispers harshly.

Squaring her shoulders, she turns the knob and pushes it open before she can lose her nerve. Stepping inside, the room is silent, just as she left it. Orange flames flicker in the fireplace, the smell of smoky wood and pine needles hangs in the air. She shuts the door quietly, shakes out her coat and hangs it on the rack. Taps the snow from her boots and unwinds her scarf. Rubbing her temples, she takes a deep breath and starts for the stairs, determined to face him.

She takes three steps, before the wind is knocked clean from her lungs.

The heavy body hits her from behind, one arm curling around her chest, the other pressing her butcher knife against her throat. The voice in her ear is so gut wrenchingly familiar, she nearly faints. 

“Leaving a strange man alone in your bed with access to knives – not your best move.”

When he was lying unconscious wrapped in her quilts, she thought he seemed smaller than she remembered. Now, the breadth of his body against her back makes her realize just how wrong that assessment was. 

“Yes. I should have hidden the knives,” she tries to speak. “Something to remember next time.”

“Tell me who the fuck you are.”

She should be terrified right now. The most prolific assassin of the 20th century has a razor-sharp blade sitting at her throat and a metal arm digging into her chest. With the slightest move, he could crush her lungs or slit her throat. He wouldn’t even have to try. 

She should be terrified, but she’s not. Because the years, the decades, have been nothing more than an empty echo without him, and now he’s here. Against all odds, he is here with her. Relaxing in his arms, she leans back and closes her eyes.

Bucky stiffens abruptly at the movement. 

Her hand floats up and reaches for the wrist flexing at her throat. She feels his grip tighten further, but for some reason, he allows her curious touch. Fingers trembling, they find the thin ridge, running down the long white scar curving from his right thumb across the back of his hand. 

It’s nothing more than a gentle caress, but – 

Like a hammer to his skull, his head splits head open. With a frightened snarl, he shoves her away and she stumbles forward, catching herself against the sofa. Slowly, she turns to face him fully. 

Dark hair frames his face in sweaty tangles and his blue eyes are wild. 

“What the fucking hell was that?” he hisses. The knife is held outward and he scratches at the scar, trying to scrub away her touch.

“I’m sorry,” she says, rubbing her throat. “I wasn’t – I’m sorry.”

“How the hell did I get here?” Bucky barks. “Last thing I remember, I was gut shot and bleeding out in a god damn blizzard.”

“I found you. Brought you here.”

“Yeah, obviously. Except I’m fuckin’ heavy and no offense, but you don’t look much like a super soldier. So, I’ll ask again - how the hell did I get here? Who else is working with you?”

“No one, it’s just me. And I’m not working. You – I don’t know, you just followed me. When you collapsed in the snow, I rolled you over and shouted your name, and your eyes just – they opened and you got to your feet.”

Bucky glares at her. “Convenient, that you knew my name. And how to wake me up.”

Jaw clenching, she glares back now. “I didn’t know how to wake you up. You were bleeding everywhere, but you stood there like you were waiting for something.”

Biting the inside of his cheek, he grimaces. He thinks he knows what’s coming.

“Say I believe you. Then what?”

“You asked for instructions, so I told you to get in my truck and I brought you here. I’m sorry, I didn’t know – I wasn’t sure what to do. When we got here, you wouldn’t go upstairs. You just laid down on the dining table and – ”

She pauses, but he sighs resignedly. “Keep going.”

“Both bullets, they were still – inside. I had to dig them out. I got bandages and tried to stitch up the wound. You were awake, I thought you were awake, the entire time. You were telling me what to do. Kept asking if – you kept asking if I was new.”

Bucky feels his face heat in embarrassment. Shifting uncomfortably, he grudgingly explains. “That was a secondary protocol. Something happens to the Asset, it’s programmed – I mean I was programmed - to help fix the problem.” 

The cabin is quiet for a drawn-out moment. 

“Oh,” she finally says. Her voice sounds small. 

“So? You’re former Hydra then?”

She blanches at the comment. “What? No! I was never with them.”

“Really,” Bucky says sarcastically. “You just happened upon me and knew my name and brought me to a cabin in the middle of nowhere for no reason? That was all just luck?”

“Stop being a jerk. I said I don’t work for them,” she snaps, anger seeping into her voice. “I’d slit my own throat first.”

Bucky goes quiet, considering the statement. His loses some of the hostility when he replies, but his tone is still suspicious. “But we know each other. You know him. Or – me. The Soldier.”

“Yes. I know the – Soldier.”

“Well, I don’t remember you,” Bucky says harshly, and he watches her face fall. He feels a pang of remorse at her disappointment and almost points out that she’s not unique, he never remembers. But he holds his tongue.

Eyes dropped to the floor, her shoulders sag. “I didn’t expect you would.”

An awkward silence fills the room. Bucky feels that strange ache in his chest once again, a desire to smooth the unhappiness from her face, and an apology tumbles from his lips. 

“I’m sorry I don’t remember. Trust me, it’s definitely not you.”

“No. Please don’t apologize,” she says quickly, looking up. She shakes her head like she wants to say something more; instead, she swallows the words and offers an olive branch. “Do you want to know? I mean - do you want me to tell you?” 

Bucky considers the offer. Before him stands a lovely woman. One who knew the Soldier, who met the worst incarnation of himself, but without the security of Hydra to help her. He comes to a swift, depressing conclusion.

Chances are, he did something shitty to her.

Does he want to know then? Does he really need another gruesome memory clogging up his brain? 

Sure. Because Bucky never knows when to quit.

“Yes,” he says firmly. “Tell me. I want to hear it.” 

“Okay, I can do that,” she says softly. She motions him to sit on the couch, but Bucky hesitates.

“Can I, uh, have some pants first?” He asks stiffly. “This is sort of awkward.”

The surprise on her face makes Bucky think for one fleeting moment that she might laugh. But then she nods and disappears through a small room off the kitchen. When she returns, she’s holding a neatly folded stack of fresh laundry and he recognizes the contents of his backpack. 

“Here,” she sets it cautiously on the dining table. “I’m sorry I went through your bag, I didn’t have any men’s clothing, so…anyway, I washed it all.” 

Bucky snatches his ragged Captain America t-shirt and black sweats from the top of the pile, shimmying into them. Pulling a rainbow colored band off his wrist, he ties his hair back and drops to the couch. 

She takes the armchair across from him, as far away as she can get in the small living room, and tucks her hands under her legs. Bucky knows he’s unlikely to enjoy whatever she has to say, but he folds his fingers together and waits. She stares down at her feet, appearing to gather her courage before meeting his grim stare head on.

Her voice is steady, as she starts to speak.

“Paris was cold that December and it snowed early. It was New Year’s Eve in 1969.”

*****

Next Chapter

*****

Tags are open right now, if you want one, please send me a DM or ASK.

[insideofmymindpalace]

1-69 of the playful q’s 👀👀

1. How old were you when you had your first kiss?

Oh gosh. I was either 4 or 14. 4 was when my “twue love” and I had decided we were going to run away together and live on trains but only adults could do that if they were married when meant you had to kiss first. 14 was when the guy who had apparently started telling people he was my boyfriend had to “prove” we were dating to some friends so he asked to talk to me inbetween classes, gave me the most awkward peck ever, said “thanks”, and walked away.

2. How old were you when you had sex for the first time?

17

3. Have you ever walked in on people having sex?

No which is great cause I am already so awkward that I would probably just totally self destruct if I did.

4. Have you ever had phone sex?

Yes

5. Have you ever had birthday sex?

Yes

6. Name a non-pornographic movie that turns you on?

Oh goodness I’m too tired to think about this. I don’t know. Uhhh... I watched Jennifer’s Body for the first time on Sunday and that was neat so we’ll go with that one.

7. Have you ever used a sex swing?

Nope

8. Do you own any sex toys? If so, what?

Nope

9. Have you had a one night stand?

No, but I did come really close to having one. But then I felt super awkward because of something and laughed and felt more awkward so I got up and left. (Which, I will admit, was literally the worst way to handle that situation.)

10. Back rub or foot rub?

Back rub

11. Have you ever had an awkward moment where people were having sex and you were present?

Oh yeah

12. Have you ever swapped partners?

No

13. Have you ever experienced DP?

No

14. Cuddling on the couch or picnic in the park?

Cuddling on the couch. A picnic is nice, but I’m a homebody

15. Have you ever had sex on the beach?

Yes - do not recommend. One word: sand

16. Do you like to watch?

Eh

17. Ever been filmed or filmed yourself during a sexual act?

By an ex

18. Have you ever had sex with someone that you were not suppose to? (Boss, teacher, relative).

Nope

19. Have you ever had a secret relationship?

No. I try my best to be very transparent and honest

20. Are feet a turn on?

No, I actually like *hate* feet

21. Have you ever had a long distance relationship?

Yes

22. Have you ever met someone in person that you met online?

Yes

23. One thing you haven’t done sexually that you are hoping to try.

Ya know, I don’t know a ton so I don’t know what there is that I don’t actively know to try so big shrug on this one

24. Anal or oral?

Oral oral oral oral oral oral

25. Have you ever been with someone of the same sex?

Yes

26. Have you ever masturbated outside the confines of your home?

No

27. Drunk sex or stoned sex?

Never been stoned so I suppose drunk by default

28. Have you ever slept with an ex while no longer together?

No

29. Have you ever accidentally sent a dirty pic or message to the wrong person/people?

No, and I am horrifically paranoid of doing so

30. Have you ever had someone show a private pic to others without permission?

Yes, and I knocked said person down thirty pegs or so

31. Does your partner have to be shorter or taller than you?

Eh, don’t really have a preference as long as you don’t mind or complain when I wear heels because I enjoy them and they make my butt look good

32. Have you ever been with someone that another member of your family has been with?

No, absolutely not. My brothers have bad taste anyways

33. Whip or riding crop?

Either though I’ve got better access to riding crops I suppose. (I use to competitively horseback ride.)

34. Name a song that puts you in the mood.

I have no idea

35. Have you ever had sex on a plane?

Nope

36. Is there anyone that you’ve slept with that you can’t recall their name?

Nope

37. Have you given or received road head?

Yes to both

38. Would you prefer receiving/giving a titty fuck or foot job?

Giving titty

39. Name a hard limit of yours.

I must be told before something non-vanilla happens. If not, my PTSD kicks in and now no one gets to have a good time

40. Sex on the hood of a car or the back of a pick up?

Never had either so couldn’t say

41. Shower sex or sex in the rain?

Shower sex because the water can be warm, and I’m always chilly

42. If you could change one thing about your physical appearance what would it be?

I don’t like my proportions so I’d fix those

43. If you could change one thing about your personality what would it be?

I constantly feel like I’m either too shy or too, like, in control? So probably mellow those extremes out

44. Kill one, marry one, fuck one? (Name the three).

You didn’t give me any! A random google search pulled up Alison Brie, Lupita Nyong’o, and Jennifer Lawrence which I would FMK in that order.

45. Choking or hair pulling?

Hair pulling

46. Would you rather? (Name the two).

You didn’t give me one! Google says would you rather have more time or more money. I’d say more time

47. True or false? (You pick question).

Agh! I don’t even know how to google one for this

48. Bar or club?

Bar

49. Have you ever had sex in the snow?

No. I’m a chilly bitch so me and cold don’t mix

50. Have you ever had sex with a neighbour? (The house on the left or right, not down the street).

Nope

51. Have you ever had sex at a sports venue? (Football field, rink, etc.).

Nope

52. Have you ever used something outside the norm to orgasm?

Not that I know of

53. Can you recall a time you were cock blocked or twat swatted?

No?

54. Would you rather play dirty doctor or naughty detention?

I work in schools so probably doctor by default

55. What’s sexier nice eyes or nice lips?

Eyes

56. What’s more attractive a sense of humour or a sense of style?

Humor

57. Ice cubes or wax?

Wax

58. Do you prefer a younger or older partner?

Either keeping in mind that it sure as hell is gonna be legal and not like a creepy age gap

59. Ball gag or hand over mouth?

No preference

60. Have you ever posted a pic or a video of you committing a sexual act?

Posted? No

61. Did your parents have “the sex talk” with you when you were young? If so, which parent? How did it go?

Ha, no

62. If you had to choose, cowgirl or reverse cowgirl?

I have to choose? I guess cowgirl so I could see your face

63. Morning sex or afternoon delight?

No preference

64. Are you vocal during sex?

Yeahhhhh

65. Your socks, on or off in bed?

Like for sex? Off always. If it’s just cold and it’s bedtime? Maybe on

66. Embarrassing sex moment.

Going along with an answer from earlier: I was in the middle of hooking up with a guy who then couldn’t get it up specifically because, ahem, I (read: my boobs) “were too much to handle” and made him miss his ex. I felt so awkward that I laughed then realized I could be seen as laughing at him for not getting it up and THEN felt awkward for that so I laughed even MORE because I was so nervous and awkward to which I decided just getting up, grabbing my stuff, and leaving without saying anything was the right response

67. Pillow fight or pillow fort?

FORT

68. Naked twister or strip poker?

Strip poker cause I’ll win

69. Have you ever done a 69?

Yes

[aliteraryprincess]

Echo North by Joanna Ruth Meyer

Warning: Contains spoilers

Welcome back to Fairy Tale Friday!  Today we’re looking at a retelling of “East of the Sun and West of the Moon,” which was a runner-up in July’s poll.  While we have looked at a “Beauty and the Beast” retelling and the two tales are closely linked, this is the first actual “East of the Sun and West of the Moon” story for this feature.  Let’s get started!

As a Retelling:

Most versions of this tale focus on the youngest daughter out of many children.  At the very least, she is the youngest of three daughters.  However, our title character, Echo, is one of only two children and the only daughter.  In another deviation from the original tale, Echo’s mother is dead.  In the most well-known version of the tale, it is the heroine’s mother who convinces her to light the candle.  Echo’s father remarries a woman named Donia early on in the story, and this provides the story with some “Cinderella” undertones.  Donia is awful to Echo and ends up driving the family to poverty with her reckless spending.  Part of Donia’s cruelty toward Echo is her nastiness about injuries Echo received as a child.  While the heroine of “East of the Sun and West of the Moon” is described as beautiful, Echo is the opposite.  When she was young, the wolf attacked her and permanently scarred her face.  There is also a major difference in how Echo comes to live with the wolf.  In the fairy tale, the bear comes to the house and asks for the heroine in exchange for wealth.  The situation in the book is more similar to “Beauty and the Beast.”  Echo’s father goes on a trip and doesn’t return when expected.  After a fight with her stepmother, Echo runs away in a snow storm and comes across her father lying unconscious in the woods.  The wolf offers to ensure he is rescued if Echo comes to live with him, and she agrees.      

At first the enchanted man appearing as a wolf might seem like a large deviation from the original tale.  The white bear has become the iconic symbol of “East of the Sun and West of the Moon.”  However, while the bear is the most well-known, many other animals appear in variations of the tale, including: a bull, a snake, a dog, a pig, and a wolf.  I couldn’t find a country of origin for the tale “The White Wolf,” but Andrew Lang collected it in The Gray Fairy Book.  Our wolf is named Hal when in his human form, and we actually get to meet him and see Echo interact with him.  Though he can only take his human form at night when he is asleep, a part of him resides in the library’s mirror-books.  Echo gets to know him and falls in love with him in the world of stories.  This is reminiscent of Gabrielle-Suzanne Barbot de Villeneuve’s original The Beauty and the Beast, in which Beauty gets to know the prince through her dreams.  As with the most well-known versions of the tale, the wolf sleeps in Echo’s bed each night.  However, Meyer does make this a little less creepy.  Instead of entering her room and climbing into her bed without permission, the wolf is upfront about it and originally sleeps on the floor.  It is only after she’s gotten to know him that Echo invites him into the bed since it is so cold out.      

While “East of the Sun and West of the Moon” features a troll queen who enchants the prince, Echo North has the Wolf Queen, who is half wolf, half human and has powerful magic powers.  In the fairy tale, the troll queen is the prince’s stepmother and wants him to marry her daughter.  In other variants, including the English “Black Bull of Norroway,” the woman is of no relation and sometimes isn’t even involved in cursing him.  In the earliest known version of the tale, “Cupid and Psyche,” it is actually Cupid’s mother, Venus, keeping the lovers apart.  Meyer does not place the Wolf Queen in a maternal role to Hal; instead, she is his former lover. He fell in love with her and she tricked him into agreeing to be a wolf by day and a man by night for a century.  The way out of the curse follows what we know well from the fairy tale: a human girl must live with him for a year without seeing his human form at night.  If he succeeds, he is free; if not, he must marry her daughter, Mokosh.  However, Meyer does include a twist on this that I’m actually not going to reveal here because I don’t want to ruin the surprise.     

In most versions of the fairy tale, it is a member of the heroine’s family that convinces her to light the lamp or candle.  In “East of the Sun and West of the Moon” it is her mother, and in “Cupid and Psyche” it is her sisters.  This is not the case in Echo North.  In fact, unlike most tales of this type, Echo does not return home until the very end of the story.  Instead, it is Mokosh, the Wolf Queen’s daughter, who convinces her.  Echo also meets Mokosh in the mirror-books, and the two become friends without Echo realizing who she is.  I’m really glad that Meyer chose to flesh out the character of the troll queen’s daughter.  Mokosh’s motivations are complicated; on one hand, she genuinely like Echo, but she has also made a deal with her mother.  If she marries Hal, the Wolf Queen will make her entirely human; this is why she tells Echo to light the lamp.  However, she also believes Echo has the power to defeat the Wolf Queen and even says so to her mother’s face.  Meyer could have chosen to boil it all down to a love triangle, and it’s great that she didn’t.  What she has done creates deeper characters and a more meaningful story.

As in the fairy tale, the Four Winds play a significant role in the story.  In “East of the Sun and West of the Moon,” the heroine rides to the castle on the North Wind.  Echo is also brought to the Wolf Queen’s domain by the North Wind, but Meyer puts a twist on this as well.  Early on in the story, we are introduced to the story of the Four Winds.  The North Wind was the most powerful of all, but he gave up his power to the Wolf Queen for mortality so he could be with the woman he loved.  After Hal is taken by the Wolf Queen, Echo seeks out a storyteller named Ivan for more information.  Ivan agrees to travel with her in exchange for her story.  At the end of the journey, he reveals that he is the North Wind and some of his powers are returning.  Ivan and his three brothers play a vital role in the climax.  It is with their help that Echo is able to free Hal from his curse, and they are ultimately the ones who defeat the Wolf Queen by stripping her of her powers and turning her into a normal wolf.  

The way in which Echo frees Hal is probably Meyer’s biggest deviation from the fairy tale.  In “East of the Sun and West of the Moon,” the heroine trades items to the troll princess in exchange for sitting in with the prince at night so she might speak to him.  The first two times he is kept asleep by a drink given by the princess, but he does not drink it the third night and the two come up with a plan.  When the girl lights the candle, a few drops of tallow fall on the prince’s shirt, and only she can wash it out.  Before wedding, the prince requests that his bride-to-be wash the shirt, but she, her mother, and all the other trolls are unable to.  The heroine comes in and washes it, and the troll queen destroys herself and all the other trolls in her rage.  Both the shirt washing and the three nights are seen in many variants of the tale.  Also common is the heroine completing several impossible tasks such as sorting a huge pile of mixed grain, which is one of Psyche’s tasks set by Venus.  Meyer doesn’t use any of this, instead drawing on another story: the Scottish ballad “Tam Lin.”  Though this is not considered a variation of the “East of the Sun and West of the Moon” type tales, it does have some similarities.  Tam Lin is taken by the Queen of the Fairies and his true love sets out to rescue him.  She saves him by holding on to him even as he is transformed into all kinds of beasts.  This is how Echo saves Hal.  She makes a bargain with the Wolf Queen: if she can hold onto Hal for three days, the curse is broken, and if she fails, both of them will belong to the queen.  During the three days, the Wolf Queen does turns him into all kinds of ferocious creatures, but she also makes Hal reveal something that hurts Echo terribly.  Again, I won’t say it here because it’s a great twist.  Despite it all, and with some help from the Four Winds, Echo prevails and saves Hal.                   

My Thoughts:

There are some truly amazing concepts in this book and they were all executed really well.  The mirror-books...I want them!  Why are these not real?!  Basically, Echo is able to enter these books and live out the story beside the characters.  Or, if she wants, she can go off and do something else in the world of the book while the story goes on elsewhere.  It’s so cool!  I also really liked how Meyer uses the house.  As in the fairy tale, Echo only needs to ask for things and they will appear.  But as Hal’s curse nears it’s end, pieces of the house start to fall away.  He and Echo try to save what they can by using magic to bind the rooms.  This makes for some really great action scenes, and it’s just a really interesting use of the magical house from the original.  

As I mentioned, Meyer uses some great twists throughout this book.  My mind was absolutely blown by the big reveal in the climax.  Again, I’m not going to say what these twists are because that’s just more spoilers than I’m willing to give.  But I think Meyer handles all of them well.  Even though they caught me off-guard, looking back I can see where she added hints right from the start of the story.  I always appreciate when a book can surprise me, especially a retelling since I obviously already know the story.  These twists are what made the book a 5 star read for me.

While I did love the relationship between Echo and Mokosh, I wish we had seen more of it.  A lot of their time together in the mirror-books is glossed over.  Even though we know they spend time together, we don’t get to see their friendship develop as much as I would have liked.  I think it would have been nice if some of their adventures were fleshed out a little more.  This is probably a minor nitpick since their relationship isn’t at the center of the story.  However, I was actually more interested in their friendship than I was in the romance between Echo and Hal.  And Mokosh is such a complicated and intriguing character!  But this is my only complaint with the whole book, so that is pretty good!

My Rating: 5 stars

Other Reading Recommendations:

The starred titles are ones I have read myself.  The others are ones I want to read and may end up being future Fairy Tale Friday books.  To keep the list from getting too long, I’m limiting it to three that I’ve read and five that I haven’t.

Other Retellings of “East of the Sun and West of the Moon”:

East by Edith Pattou*

Sun and Moon, Ice and Snow by Jessica Day George*

A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas*

Ice by Sarah Beth Durst

Mistress of the Wind by Michelle Diener

West of the Moon by Margi Preus

Curse of the Troll by Emma Hamm

The Illuminated Heart by Thea van Diepan

More Books by Joanna Ruth Meyer:

Beneath the Haunting Sea

Beyond the Shadowed Earth

About the Fairy Tale:

Beauty and the Beast: Classic Tales About Animal Brides and Grooms from Around the World by Maria Tatar*

Beauty and the Beast Tales From Around the World by Heidi Anne Heiner

The Meanings of “Beauty & the Beast”: A Handbook by Jerry Griswold

Coming in September:

This is obviously out much later than I intended.  I’d planned for this to be one of two Fairy Tale Friday posts for August.  But I started my graduate program this month, and it’s going to take up a considerable amount of my time.  So I’ve decided to cut down to one Fairy Tale Friday post per month.  September’s fairy tale will be “Snow White and Rose Red” and October’s will be “The Princess and the Pea.”  After that I will post a new poll.  Thank you everyone for your patience!   

Have a recommendation for me to read or a suggestion to make Fairy Tale Friday better?  Feel free to send me an ask!

[tintinwrites]

soft | Modern Poe Dameron x Reader

A/N: So this isn’t a request and idk if anything like this has been written before, but it came to me while I was hanging up a suit jacket at work and they are just SO SOFT INSIDE

Rating: T.

Warning: Naughty words and sexual references.

Word count: 1,449 words, I think. this was supposed to be short

Summary: You, a bridesmaid, and Poe, a groomsman, bond over how terrible the bride and groom are, and Poe has nothing but big dick energy okay

"Who puts their bridesmaids in short, strapless dresses in the middle of winter? A bitch, that's who. Only a horrible human being would do this."

Your words would have sounded angrier if your voice wasn't shaking from the chill biting right through you. Even with your arms wrapped around yourself, you might as well have been naked with the way you were freezing in your definitely out of season dress.

Your words also would have had more impact if you were ranting to someone.

But no. You were standing outside all by yourself, pacing and bouncing from one foot to the other to keep the thick layer of snow on the ground from soaking into the open-toed shoes you were forced to wear. They were heels, too, and you were surprised you hadn't tripped and fallen over as you paced and bounced.

"Oh, and she is. I always knew that. Why did I agree to be in her wedding?"

"You're a pushover?"

The sudden voice made you misstep and now you did trip, crying out as you fell right over into a small snowbank. "Fuck, that's cold!"

"Sorry." The voice was sincere even if the owner was laughing. Two hands came to your arms and hauled you to your feet, bringing you face to face with Poe Dameron.

You...kind of knew him. He was one of the groomsmen, but you were walking with Finn rather than him, so you hadn't exactly spent time with him. You probably didn't go further than an introduction, and you only remembered hearing him talk to other people at the rehearsal dinner.

The bride told you that he was a 'perverted asshole with total small dick energy' while the groom told you that he was only in the wedding out of pressure from loved ones. He was a pilot. Or was in the Air Force. Or traveled on planes a lot. Or...was part of the mile high club?

Okay, you honestly couldn't remember what you were told he did.

All you knew was that he was — apparently — a jerk. He couldn't have been too bad, though, since the incredibly drunk bride admitted to you at her bachelorette party that she would 'jump at the chance to ride him like a horse'.

"It's co-cool." You brushed some snow off of your dress. You noticed him smirking at you and furrowed your brow before realizing why he was. "Th-that wasn't a pun."

"Sure." He slipped his hands into the pockets of his suit pants, taking in a deep breath and letting it out with a white puff because of the cold air. "So, let me know if I'm overstepping my bounds here, but I saw you storm out crying. Figured I'd make sure you were okay."

"I wasn't crying." It was one tear. One tear! And you wiped it away pretty quickly, so you thought no one saw.

He shook his head. "Okay, okay. You still stormed out, though. You know, I hear ranting feels better when someone's listening."

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"Alright." He turned around to walk back into the venue, where the reception was being held.

"—she is just such a bitch."

He immediately spun on his heel, grinning knowingly. You wouldn't be surprised if he was counting to three in his head, but you were just so angry and his offer to listen was incredibly tempting.

"I know I shouldn't use that name, but she is! Look at what she's having us wear! Who in their right mind picks out shoes and dresses like this when they know they're getting married in the winter?"

"So you were crying— sorry, not crying because of your dress?"

"Yes." You paused, reaching up to rub your forehead. "No." He was giving you this expectant look that made you feel that you could absolutely tell him everything. "I told her I needed to leave a little early. She was expecting everyone to stay well into the night and party, but I'm just a little tired from all the wedding planning and stuff."

"I'm guessing she didn't take it well based on the reaction I saw when her grandmother left."

"She called me...a word I won't be repeating outside of the bedroom, told me I was going to die alone and childless, said she never wanted to see me again, and honestly said she was going to slap me before her dear husband stopped her." Now that you had started, you were on a roll, walking back and forth again. "And, like, so what if she's horrible and got a husband before me? He's kind of horrible, too. And in the next couple of years, she's probably gonna pop out a baby that she's not even going to love properly, but, you know, whatever." You were crying again, more than one tear.

"Hey, don't cry. Your tears will freeze to your face."

You gave a pitiful laugh, wiping the tears away. "It's stupid."

"It's not stupid if it got to you." He pursed his lips for a moment, then walked over to be closer to you. "Look, I'm gonna tell you something, okay?" He waited for you to nod. "Okay. You are one fine piece of ass. Some guy's gonna come along and marry you, and give you as many babies as you want."

"Yeah. I guess." You might have been blushing thanks to his flattering words.

"She's just a horrible person."

"True." There was a long stretch of silence, both of you looking at each other. "At the bachelor party, you-know-who got pissed that we didn't get a stripper. He tried to get one himself, but Finn and I stopped him. 'Course, he went into the bathroom and ordered five strippers on his phone, and we spent the whole night keeping his drunk ass from touching them, but we tried."

How low were you standards for men that you found it sweet for him to disapprove of a soon-to-be-married man getting a stripper?

"If it helps, I'm proud of you." You smiled at him, then frowned when you felt something light and cold hit your nose. You looked up at the dark sky to see snowflakes starting to fall. "It wasn't freezing enough already? Great." You wrapped your arms tightly around yourself.

Poe shrugged off his suit jacket, stepping even closer so he could pull it around your shoulders. He was practically pressed against you and you were aware of just how good he smelled.

You were also aware that he wasn't a 'perverted asshole with total small dick energy', and you should have known that anyway since you were told that by a horrible person.

"You don't have to..." You were definitely blushing now.

"I've still got sleeves and pants. You're about to freeze your ass off."

You bit your lip, brushing your fingers against the soft, silky lining of the jacket.

"How can I repay you?"

"Well, there is one thing you can do."

"Yes?"

"Tell me you love me."

You gave a laugh that was far less pitiful now. "You move really fast, you know that?"

"Some people find it charming." His grin was so goofy, and sweet, and genuine, and beautiful.

"I'm sure they do." Your grin was flattered, and delighted, and intrigued, and fighting to keep from getting too wide because you basically just actually met this man and it was crazy for you to already like him so much. "I should really be getting home."

"Let me walk you to your car?"

"Yeah, I slept over her house with the other girls and we all came together, so my car is at home."

"Man." He chuckled. "Okay, let me drive you."

"You really don't have to do that."

"I insist."

You should have protested, right? Not only did you hardly know him, but it wasn't fair to put him out. You imagined he wouldn't give up, though, and your other options were to get an Uber or cab that might not even come, or walk through the snow. "Okay."

"Great. Right this way, ma'am." He gestured to a spot in the parking lot, waiting for you before you started walking together.

"Wait, you're not a serial killer, right?"

"Shit! I knew I forgot to mention something. What about you?"

You shrugged. "I'll just say that if you come into my apartment and wake up restrained in the bathtub, it's your own fault."

"Kinky.”

You slipped on a bit of ice as you were getting in the passenger seat, and he was quick to take your hand from under his jacket.

His hand was practically frozen, but he gave no indication. He just smiled at you and helped you into the car.

[lilahharlow]

( FREYA MAVOR , FEMALE, SHE/HER ) I, LILAH HARLOW am a LEGACY student and would hereby like to submit my application to Kingswood Boarding School. I am SEVENTEEN years old and will be a JUNIOR. I would describe myself as DRIVEN and RESILIENT, but also VAIN and UNRELENTING which I plan to work on during my time here. This is my request to join the ELIZABETH building as a house MEMBER and look forward to hearing back from you. 

hi lmao u thought u saw the last of me?? sike bitch!! u thought !! (none of u r bitches i love u all <3 <3 <3) anyway here’s lilah she’s a bitch and i love her

TW; ALCOHOLISM, DEATH, ABUSE KIND OF ??

born to eleanor and anthony harlow; both legacies down lines of legacies

eleanor was originally eleanor du pont, from a family of old money that found fortune through gunpowder manufacturing and whatnot

eleanor’s father has been involved in breeding and racing thoroughbred horses and establishing several racehorse venues; like many in the family

eleanor found that life boring, and sought out fame on the west coast

quickly became tv’s sweetheart due to her lovable and soft characters in several tv shows; including a then-popular sitcom

eleanor retired after becoming pregnant with her first child, but still remained in public eye due to her career and her family--would still do interviews and photo shoots to remain relevant

anthony’s father owns the law firm harlow & harlow with anthony’s older brother after anthony’s father’s father’s passing

the firm works only with significant figures in society and they’re well known for winning cases--regardless of whether they’re on the morally right side or not

anthony himself took a different path and became a renowned neurosurgeon in the US, considered an expert on the brain and spine

his younger brother is heavily involved in the FBI, though nobody is sure of his position

they had met briefly during kingswood, anthony a senior and eleanor a freshmen--it wasn’t until she moved to california that they met again many years later, anthony only in town for a medical convention

they had fallen in love fairly quickly, and it hadn’t taken long for them to marry. super cliche shit; when anthony went back across to the west coast, eleanor followed

they moved to pennsylvania due to how many members of eleanor’s family resided there

eleanor officially retired from acting when she was pregnant with rhys, their only son and eldest child. a year after that, lilah followed suit. another year, and laurel was born.

they were a typical american family, anthony was constantly at work and so eleanor took care of the children with the assistance of a few nannies

lilah was always an especially bratty child--almost entirely always impossible to please; she found fault in everything and always wanted things to go her way

her sister took after lilah and developed almost the same entire personality, though there was a sweetness to laurel and lilah simply did not possess. rhys was the tamest out of the bunch, but simply because he never gave a shit

when the children were all too much, eleanor and the nannies sort of just...left them to their own? they resided in an old victorian-esque mansion with a backyard leading into the forest; almost fairy-tale like

lilah often found herself in the forest, playing snow white on her own because rhys always refused (he enjoyed hitting things with sticks) and laurel only wanted to pick flowers and stay close to the house

when lilah was seven things took a turn for the worse

anthony had cheated on eleanor with a nurse six years prior, and the past had come back to haunt him.

it was soon revealed, after an unfortunate accident involving the other woman, that she had left behind a child whose father was listed as the one n only anthony harlow

he took the child, a girl named ramona, in. she was laurel’s age, with only a few months difference

this broke eleanor--she was heartbroken, but remained married to anthony for the sake of the children.

never treated ramona as her own, and lilah took after her mother (and her brother--who also was incredibly against the idea of having another sister); becoming relentlessly mean to the younger girl

eleanor began to drink herself away to deal with the misfortunes that had struck her, which only worsened her temper (which was...only directed towards ramona)

it was during these years that lilah went from a normal nightmare child at both school and home--to an extreme nightmare child. she took things when she wanted, stopped listening to adults, normal child-acting-out things.

around the same time that it was all happening, lilah found herself running through the woods more often--simply to get away from the drama of it all

most of the time she was always alone; nobody roamed the forest, despite several other homes having the same backyard situation as hers

‘course, one particular day, lilah found that she wasn’t alone

she ran across a boy of similar age, who had gotten his foot stuck in a rabbit hole. when asked his name, he called himself ‘fox’ and that was all. this, to a young child, was perfectly acceptable and lilah deemed herself as ‘sparrow’--unsure as to if his name was really fox, or if he was making it up

after freeing him from the hole, they soon deemed themselves best friends for life.

they played princess and knight until the sun set, then they’d part ways until the next day

these adventures became lilah’s safe haven--even as she got older, and meaner--fox was one of the few people who she showed kindness towards. part of it was because of the mystery of the boy, and part of it was because lilah was, well, lonely. 

feared at school, the kids who were her friends were only her friends because they were scared of her. or they were her sister, who didn’t really count

despite her popularity status, lilah hated school. words never formed correctly on the paper, and she struggled immensely with reading, though she tried her best to hide it

the only subject she enjoyed was art, tbh

rhys also acted out a tons and got into a bad crowd of boys; they would terrorize the younger kids and vandalize mailboxes. y’know, just little baby crooks in the making

eleanor stopped taking care of the kids, she often locked herself away in the bedroom, leaving the nannies to care for the children when needed

lilah never saw her mother, only heard her; breaking glasses or falling down in the halls late at night, or a shout towards ramona

laurel and ramona soon got closer, the more lilah pushed her family away by playing fantasy in the woods, and by the time their mother died--laurel didn’t want much to do with lilah or rhys

eleanor died when rhys was 13, lilah 12, laurel and ramona 11

her body couldn’t handle it anymore; anthony found her body, sprawled across their kingsized bed with a shattered wine glass and pearls scattered around the sheets. romantically gruesome.

the funeral was filled with distant relatives that all mourned eleanor, as if they had been crucial parts of her life--though perhaps they had been, lilah never knew much of her mother’s side of the family. there were old costars, neighbors, family friends, and a distinct closing of lilah’s throat at the stuffiness of it all. the air stank of death and roses.

she had left early, finding herself in the woods once more.

and there was fox, as he always was. it was the only time lilah had ever felt secure.

but, soon after the funeral, anthony decided to pack up and move the family out of the state. there were only bad memories in pennsylvania, so they moved to massachusetts.

lilah never got to say goodbye to fox. it is one of her few regrets

and a few months after that, rhys began attending kingswood to wreck havoc there instead

(he got into some shit, but always talked his way out of it; always a troublemaker yet somehow made his way into edward house his junior year. probably for the drugs he sells. is currently a senior)

lilah herself remained a devil in school, distracting herself through several sports and her one drawing class and avoiding her sisters.

the year after, she began to attend kingswood as well

the year after that, laurel and ramona also began attending

lilah is currently in her junior year and not much as changed.

she’s an incredibly cold girl, extremely elitist

often refuses to associate herself with those she considers ‘lesser’ than her; scholarship kids, kids from ‘lower’ houses, underclassmen, the whole ordeal

has learned how to manipulate others to get what she wants; usually includes making the other feel special and think they’re different from the others when they’re painfully...not. 

all she really has to do is bat her eyelashes

is big on sports and has joined several; has an extreme interest in anatomy and all her drawings/sketches are based on people--hopes to become a surgeon of sorts, funnily enough

still fucking hates english and history and anything else she can’t understand; dyslexia is a bitch

kind to her friends and would defend them with her life; is the kind of bitch who’ll get into petty cat fights if she overhears somebody talking shit about them

at the same time, she loves spreading rumors and gossiping about literally anybody else

it’s ... a good thing, to be her friend. she’s endlessly loyal, even if she has odd ways of showing it

she’s rude and mouthy--has no problem saying awful things; whether they’re rude, mean, or morbid. has definitely made the freshmen cry multiple times.

refuses to associate herself with her sisters and barely talks to her brother; thinks they abandoned her when family is supposed to be forever

really doesn’t trust anybody but herself; even if she does love her friends, she’s not exactly known for letting her emotions be known

literally she’s just a typical rich mean girl, like, if she doesn’t like you then she’ll just be relentlessly rude.

definitely sleeps around, though, and is unashamed of it. is overly confident in herself and her looks , and her . . . abilities

simply does not give a fuck about anything that doesn’t involve her, and will talk her way out of situations she doesn’t want to be in

has recently been in contact with her mom’s side of the family, sucking up to them and whatnot

wanted connections; yes i’m lazy please excuse me

best friend - the only person who can really break through to lilah, not that they really want to. same mindsets and same values.

other close friends - lilah made it a point her freshmen yr to befriend only the best of the best bc she knows what she wants out of life and it’s being untouchable

friends who like...think theyre friends but lilah is kind of like lol sike

ex-boyfriends - she broke their heart, they broke her heart, yadda yadda

ex-hook-ups

current hook-ups

ex-friends

enemies

her tutor lmao

roommate

her childhood friend !!! uwu

‘first love’ but lol is she capable of love

teammates

etc etc etc

[lilacmoon83]

The Key

AN: Warning, this one is not Hook friendly, at all. I've been working on this one a while and this is very anti Captain Swan. David automatically forgiving Hook for murdering his father bothered me a lot, but what bothered me even more was the scene in 6x18 where Hook was incredibly rude to Snow and she was visibly upset by his behavior. I was inspired to finally finish it after reading Guilt by @findingtallahassee. Again, warning, this is extremely Anti-Hook and Anti-Captain Swan. Main ship is Snowing with Swan Queen overtones and endgame.

Also on Fanfiction.net and A03: 

"Emma?" Snow called, as she unlocked the door with the key her daughter had given her. She was so excited to spend the day with her daughter and discuss wedding details, but mostly just spending the day with her daughter. She was happy again. The curse was broken and she had been reunited with her husband at last. They had enjoyed their own reunion last night(and early this morning) and she was sure Emma had done the same with Killian. But it was a new day and for the first time in weeks, they were all together and awake at the same time. So after spending the morning with him and Neal, David had urged her to go see Emma.

Emma's lips parted from Killian's, as she looked surprised by her mother's intrusion.

"Your mother has a key. Good to know," Killian commented derisively.

"Mom," Emma greeted.

"I know I'm a little early, but I just woke up this morning and it hit me," Snow rambled, as she kept her gaze on the scrapbook she was holding.

Her focus on the raven haired woman caused her to miss the anger on his fiance's face. He wasn't mildly annoyed or playfully irritated, but full on angry and it showed on his face. And when Snow finally looked up, she saw it plain as day and found it startling.

"Am I interrupting something?" she asked.

"No," Emma replied

"Yes," Killian interjected bluntly.

"We were just making some pancakes," he continued shortly. Snow turned her head away from the scathing glare he was giving her. She was suddenly incredibly uncomfortable, but Emma didn't seem to notice the malevolence in his eyes.

"Pancakes, right. Maybe I should come back after you've made pancakes," Snow suggested. Hook's glower didn't dissipate and his response demonstrated his clear annoyance with her.

"Don't worry, I've lost my appetite. I have to go and have a quick and bracing shower," he commented rudely, as he stalked off. As his back was turned to Emma, she couldn't see the continued glare Killian had reserved for his future mother-in-law.

Once he was gone, Snow tried to forget that unsettling experience. She had interrupted them, after all. But her husband had never reacted like that before. In fact, he had been amused when Emma and Henry had walked in on them once. He was just happy to have his family and that there was, in fact, family to walk in on them. For the first time, it made her start to think about what kind of husband Killian would be to her daughter, but she quickly wished those thoughts away when she didn't like where they took her.

She shook any troubling thoughts she had away and focused on her daughter.

"So I thought we could start looking at wedding stuff," Snow said, as she started leafing through the book she had been putting together.

"Wow...how long have you been planning this?" Emma asked in amusement.

"Not long...definitely not before the first curse broke," she replied. What she wouldn't tell Emma was that she had started planning the moment Neal had walked back into her life. Deep down, though Snow didn't dare voice this opinion these days, she would have much preferred the late Neal as her son-in-law. He had made his mistakes, but ultimately, she knew how much he had loved her daughter and grandson. At his core, Neal was a good man mislead by August, not unlike she and Charming had been lied to by his father and the Blue Fairy. It still stung more than she would ever admit.

"I have missed a lot of the milestones in your life, Emma. I want to make the absolute most of this one," Snow confessed. Emma looked extremely touched and hugged her mother tightly.

"Me too, Mom," she confessed in return.

They spent an hour or so looking over things in the book. Close to lunchtime, they decided to break and meet later to look at wedding venues. Snow hugged Emma and gathered her things, as her daughter went upstairs. Just as she opened the front door to leave, she was surprised to see Killian there.

"Oh...Killian, I'm sorry again if I intruded this morning. I was just excited to start planning the wedding," Snow said.

"Clearly…" he deadpanned. There was an awkward pause and Snow reached for the doorknob.

"I'll...I'll see you later," she said, but he held the door shut and she looked at him in confusion.

"The key," he stated. Her brows furrowed.

"What?" she squeaked.

"Your key...hand it over," he repeated. She swallowed thickly.

"But...Emma gave it to me," Snow replied.

"Which she did without consulting me. This is my home too, after all," he argued.

"Killian...I really am sorry I interrupted his morning. I promise it won't happen again," Snow apologized.

"No...it won't, because you won't have a key," Killian replied. The hurt on Snow's face was unmistakable, as she handed the key to him.

"What are you going to tell Emma?" she asked curiously.

"We don't need to tell Emma anything. I think we both know when the chips are down that Emma's going to choose me over you, no matter what," he replied nonchalantly. Snow's eyes widened and she looked up at him, as his words burned into her. Her first instinct was to deny that statement, but she found she couldn't truthfully do so.

"I'm sorry if I offended you," Snow said quietly and he smirked, further unnerving her.

"Offend isn't really the right word. It's more that you're annoying and infuriating most of the time. But I know you can't help it. After all, you have nary a life nor friends, so it's understandable that you cling to what you do have. I can hardly believe your husband can even stand you most of the time," Killian said to her quietly. She looked at him in disbelief, scarcely believe the words he was speaking to her. And then she saw it. The glimpse of the man he used to be...or rather still was. Killian Jones hadn't changed nearly as much as he had fooled them into believing.

Every instinct in her screamed to march upstairs and tell Emma everything. But somehow, she knew tattling to her daughter would do little. In fact, it could make things worse.

She clutched her book to her chest and walked out of the house without another word into the cold winter air. The tears stung her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. She would not cry...she couldn't let on that his words had pierced through her like needles. She would not admit that his words had just preyed on every insecurity she had; that it lay those demons that lurked beneath the surface of her optimism and hope bare on her skin like open wounds.

She considered just going to pick up Neal from daycare early and calling it a day, but they had already made plans to meet in couple of hours to scout out wedding venues. Canceling would only let on that something was bothering her, so she found herself back at the loft soon. She looked at her reflection in the mirror, staring at someone she barely recognized.

She didn't know how long she'd been standing there when she saw her husband behind her in the mirror, his voice snapping her from her daze.

"Snow...hey, are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine," she said, turning away.

"I said your name three times. Didn't you hear me?" he asked.

"No...I guess not," she replied.

"Snow...what's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing," she answered.

"No, it's not nothing. Did you forget how well I know you?" he said, as she tried avoiding eye contact with him. One look into his blue eyes and she'd spill everything to him. That's how it was, for he was the only one that ever saw her damage and the cracks in her armor. She sniffed, as he hugged her close and she breathed in his scent.

"I don't know how you put up with me sometimes," she uttered. His brows furrowed in confusion, as he pulled back so he look at her.

"Put up with you? What are you talking about?" he asked, as he held her beautiful face in his hands. She shook her head.

"It's probably nothing. I'm sure I'm overreacting," she lamented.

"No, you're upset and I want to know what upset you so I can try to make it better," he said, as he gazed into her eyes.

"When you're hurting...I'm hurting. We're a team, Snow and I will always fight for you, just as I know you will always fight for me," he said passionately. Her face crumpled, as she finally broke down in his arms. Hook's cruel words were still there, but he was wrong about her husband. Charming didn't just tolerate her. He loved her with all his heart and soul...her true love; a concept she was beginning to think Hook had no inkling about.

"I don't want to push you, but I'd really like to know what upset you so much. Maybe I can help," he suggested. She sniffed.

"I should just forget it. I don't think talking about it is really going to change anything," she replied dejectedly.

"Maybe not, but can you at least tell me so I know what you're talking about?" he pleaded. She sighed, as he sat down and she let him pull her down into his lap. Gods how she had missed these simple moments when she could go to him for all the love and comfort she needed. Never would she take being together for granted again.

"You're not going to like it," she said.

"Whatever it is...we'll face it as we do everything. Together," he implored. She took a deep breath and explained everything that had occurred that morning. How she had accidentally interrupted Emma and Hook, leading to Hook's subsequent anger. How she had brushed it off at first and enjoyed her time with their daughter. But then she explained her confrontation with him and by the end, as she suspected, Charming was seething. She watched her husband pace like a caged animal.

"I can't believe he said those things to you! I can't believe I am even trying to forgive that damn pirate for what he did to my father! He obviously doesn't deserve it," he raged.

"David…" she started to say.

"I may have let what he did to my father go...but I will never let him get away with speaking to you like this," he growled.

"You have to," Snow said. He looked at her in disbelief.

"Snow...he can't talk to you like that! We have to tell Emma," he insisted.

"She won't pick us," she blurted out in return.

"What?" he asked in confusion. Snow sniffed.

"She'll pick him. When I gave her the poppy and I told her to use it to find Hook instead of waking us. I did it because I knew she wanted to pick him and I felt so guilty...about not walking through that door when we had the chance. So I told her to take it and find him instead, because I couldn't bare taking anything else away from her. Deep down...I think I hoped she would choose us. But Emma's changed," Snow rambled and David's heart sank, because he knew he couldn't refute that statement.

"I know...I think we've been in denial for so long, because we're afraid that if we speak against her, she'll reject us," he admitted.

"What do we do?" Snow asked, at a loss. And he realized he was just as lost as she was.

"I don't know...like you said, if we protest the wedding, she'll just reject us and marry him anyway," he said, trying to recall when things had gone so far off the rails.

"Neal's death," she said suddenly.

"What?" he asked.

"You're trying to remember where things went askew and it was Neal's death," she answered. He squeezed her hand, always relishing how they could practically read each other's minds.

"I think all we can do is press on. Trying to tell Emma that she's making a mistake would fall on deaf ears," Snow reasoned.

"I still want to punch that pirate for talking to you like that," David growled.

"Don't...you know it will only make things worse. I can't lose Emma again," Snow fretted. David sighed and reluctantly agreed to let on like nothing had happened. But deep down, though he loved his daughter, he wondered where the real Emma was sometimes. He didn't like to admit that she was different with Hook. They had both pushed away their concerns out of fear of her pushing them away. And this was the position they were in now.

"Maybe we should tell Regina…" he suggested.

"Charming...I don't know," she fretted.

"Regina has always had a way of getting through to Emma. She won't pull punches with her and I think that's what we need. We need to save our daughter...even if it's from herself," he decided. Snow looked into his eyes and then took out her phone. She swallowed thickly and dialed her number.

To say Regina was thrilled to hear about the pirate's latest transgressions would have been an understatement. She wasn't thrilled about the words he had said to Snow; though perhaps there might have been at time she would have. But she and Snow had come a long way and were really good friends now, more than that really. They were family and the pirate didn't belong in this family; he never had. Her parents weren't the only ones to notice the changes in Emma.

Unfortunately, the talk she had with Emma didn't go over well and ended with her defending Hook, refusing to believe he had really said all those things to her Mother.

But she was Regina Mills and she didn't give up. Moreso, Regina wasn't afraid to do what needed to be done and that was to set the pirate up. If her plan went accordingly, he would show his true colors without realizing Emma was seeing all of it. Regina Mills was staging an intervention to open Emma Swan's eyes and give Captain Hook just enough rope to hang himself.

That afternoon, Regina had everything in place. Snow and David were on board with the plan, though while Snow was worried about it backfiring, David was ready to charge ahead. That didn't really surprise her. Snow's insecurity about being rejected by Emma was making it difficult for her, but David had started off loathing Hook. Charming was someone who would do anything for his little girl and slowly letting the pirate in had made her happy. So he had let him in for her and it clearly was a mistake. He had forgiven so much, but the way he had treated Snow was the last straw. He absolutely wouldn't let this one go and neither would Regina.

"Good...you're here, because we need to talk," David snapped, as the pirate waltzed into the station. He took careful note of how Hook looked around to see if Emma was there. As suspected, Emma's presence or rather lack thereof would make a difference in his demeanor. He smirked.

"I gather by the way you're all hot and bothered that your wife told you about the words we had," Hook stated.

"You damn right she did. How dare you say those things to her?!" David yelled, but Hook only rolled his eyes.

"Mate…" he started to say.

"I am not your mate," the prince growled back.

"Forgive me, I thought we were friends. But I guess your wife's big mouth has ruined something else," Hook shot back. Snow gasped at that. It was low. It was going for the jugular. She had carried the guilt of Daniel's death with her for her entire adult life and the wound had always been close to the surface, yet again being torn open.

"You Son of…" David growled, but his wife held him back.

"No…" she held him back. He looked at her and knew if he went about attacking Hook, it would defeat the purpose of what they were trying to do.

"You know, you two are easier to deal with when you're apart," Hook continued. As Regina listened from the interrogation room, she smirked with satisfaction. She knew Hook well. She'd given him just enough rope and he was well on his way to a noose.

"I have to give it to you. Together, you're a force to be reckoned with. In my considerable years, I've never seen anything quite like it. Now I see why Regina separated you during the curse," Hook said. Regina narrowed her eyes.

"Keep digging yourself a hole, pirate," she growled under her breath.

"So what...now you're trying to compliment us?" David asked sarcastically.

"Well, if getting in good with Emma means buttering up her parents, then alas, that's the cross I shall bare. Still...it's a pity that curse was broken. Who would have thought the Evil Queen would have saved Snow White and Prince Charming?" he said.

"So...when you offered to drink that potion first, that was just for show?" Snow chimed in. He smirked.

"I knew it would look good to Emma. Now...she will be here soon, so let's put all this nasty business aside. We don't want Emma finding out that her father was ready to attack the man she loves, do we?" Hook asked. David clenched his teeth, raging internally that he hadn't seen this sooner.

"Now...shall we discuss wedding venues?" Hook suggested.

"No…" a new voice said. Hook spun around to see Emma in the doorway, holding her phone in her hand, and looking at him in disbelief.

"Emma…" he started to say.

"I saw it...I heard everything," she said.

"I don't understand," he replied.

"Well, then let me spell it out for you," Regina interjected, as she walked out of the interrogation room and fished a small hidden camera out of the plant on Emma's desk.

"You set me up," Hook said, enraged.

"Not really. I just made sure there was a camera to record you this time when you showed your true colors," Regina replied.

"Emma…" Hook pleaded.

"I defended you...I yelled at Regina when she told me about the things you said to my Mother," Emma said.

"I was angry...I can fix this," Hook pleaded.

"So you didn't take the key that I gave my Mother?" Emma questioned.

"Emma...please…" Hook begged.

"Answer the question," Emma snapped.

"Yes, I asked her to give the key back, but it was only because I felt we shouldn't be interrupted in our home," he said firmly.

"So...what, are you going to take Henry's key the next time he barges in? It's his house too and I gave my parents a key, because they are welcome any time!" Emma yelled.

"You're right...I shouldn't have done that. Can we just forget this and move on? I'm sorry," he said, trying to convince her.

"Sorry you got caught," Regina muttered.

"I...I can't do this right now," Emma said, as she stormed out.

"Emma!" Snow called, but her daughter didn't stop.

"If you've ruined this for me...there will be hell to pay," Hook growled, as he hurried after her.

"Do you think that was enough to get her to call off the wedding?" Snow wondered.

"If it wasn't...then the Emma we know is truly gone," Regina stated. Snow turned to him and he cupped her face in his hands.

"Did we do the right thing?" she asked.

"Yes...Emma will come back to us. I have faith," he replied.

They returned to the loft that evening after dinner at Granny's with Regina and Henry. Emma's presence was clearly missed, but they knew she had to figure her life out. After putting Neal to bed, they found comfort in each other, as they did many nights. They were still very much making up for more lost time after the curse and made love into the wee hours of the morning, before falling asleep together, entangled beneath the sheets.

The next morning was subdued, as Charming made them breakfast and they enjoyed each other's company and that of their son.

"He's growing so fast," David mentioned fondly, as Neal's chubby hands picked up torn pieces of pancakes and he ate eagerly, giving his parents a toothy grin.

"I know...when we were cursed, I kept wishing time would stop, you know, just for a little while. I was afraid of missing his milestones or experiencing them without you," she replied. He squeezed her hand.

"Me too," he agreed. They were about to broach the subject of their daughter when the door opened, revealing an Emma that looked like she hadn't slept much.

"Emma…" David said, with relief in his voice.

"I'm...sorry," she breathed and they were off their feet and at her side in a second.

"I...I don't even know who I am anymore. You guys would have died if Regina hadn't figured out how to break the curse and it would have been because I chose him," she sniffed.

"Oh baby…" Snow soothed, as they hugged her between them and Charming cradled her head.

"I almost caused Neal to grow up without you, just like I did," she sniffed.

"Can you forgive me?" she asked, as she pulled back. Snow and David exchanged a teary looked.

"We already have," he assured, as they hugged again. Snow, not being able to help but push, asked the next question they were both thinking.

"What about Hook?" she asked. She shook her head and showed her ring finger, which was now void.

"I told him I couldn't marry him, not now...probably not ever. I'm a mess and I need help," she admitted.

"And we're here to help you get that help," Snow assured.

"How did he take it?" David asked. Though he didn't say it, her father was also asking if they were going to have to worry about a revenge minded pirate.

"He was angry. I offered him a bean though and he took it. He left," she replied with a deadness in her voice. She had been so entranced by the idea of true love and wanted what her parents had so badly that she had tried to forge that path with Hook. But it wasn't anything like what her parents had. She was finally seeing how toxic her relationship with Hook had been. She wasn't okay yet, not by a long shot. But with her parent's love, her son, Regina, and some counseling sessions with Archie, she eventually would be okay again.

A few years later

As it turned out, Emma would be better than okay within a year after Hook left. Individual sessions with Archie and some family counseling with her parents and their family was stronger than ever. And now Emma was ready to walk down the aisle again, this time knowing for certain that she had truly found true love this time.

"Are you ready?" Snow gushed excitedly. She was wearing a beautiful dress and her father donned a tux. Emma nodded, as they hugged her between them. Neal toddled up to her and she bent down to hug him gently.

"Okay buddy...now just like we practiced," David said, as he handed the pillow with the rings to him. They and all their guests chuckled, as they watched little Robin drop flower petals, while Neal walked beside her, trying to remember not to walk too fast.

Snow and David then escorted Emma down the aisle together, their faces aglow with happiness. And at the altar awaiting her next to Archie and Henry was Regina. They had truly come full circle and their family was more complete than any of them ever thought possible. This was truly a happy beginning for all...

[itoshit]

I think I've never been that ready to break some skulls before. I took more weapons than usual, having two on my hips, two others on my thighs and finally, two again in my shoulder straps. I've never been a huge fan of knives, but still got one joining the strap on my leg.

Ran and Rindou were ready, Ran still had his unfamous baton. The others, Kakucho, Koko, Sanzu and Akashi, had guns like I did, ready to pull them out if needed.

Looking over Dante and his men, I noticed the same thing. But one of them looked particularly heavily armed.

Hey Dante, he's your sniper isn't he?

Yeah, we always bring one with us, someone who could change the course of our lives from afar. Also Manjiro, if I can call you that?

Nodding, I got inside the van, him sitting by my side.

Perfecto then. La Cosa Nostra bases its values and morals on their allies. Back in Osaka, I didn't intend to kill you nor severely hurt you. I hope it didn't bring too many inconveniences yeah?

Nothing I'm not used to. But I appreciate your help and concern though

Did you change your hair for your girl?

Cocking an eyebrow at him, I stayed silent.

My girl?

She is, isn't it? Look, I wanted to talk to you last time but I needed to check your strength before. We have minutes ahead so listen to me. In our family (note: the term family refers to the mafia here), women play an important role, and I'm not talking about their pussy. In La Cosa Nostra, we're not ashamed of parading with our girls, our wives. Some of us even have children, like me. I don't understand since when being with a woman in the underground scene made you look weak. Women give you strength, something to fight for. I don't know you very much, but I know how to spot an enamoured man. You're deep into it Manjiro. We have nothing but genuine intentions with Bonten, and we want our allies to be healthy and happy. If I could give you a piece of advice, when your girl will be freed, and I'm saying your girl because she's not a bitch or an animal, tell her how you feel. Life is short as the falling of snow, you could die tomorrow. Don't live with regrets buddy, that's the worst, trust me. Cherish the moments you've with her alright?

After his monologue, Dante smiled cheekily at me, patting my thigh. He wasn't wrong, I knew that. I knew that I'd feelings for Vee, but I was afraid she didn't. I let her enter my life and warm my heart of stone, and it could seem selfish but I didn't want to let her go, never.

You don't have to he ashamed of having feelings for a woman, or a man if that mattered. Partners influence our decisions on a daily basis, and without women in La Cosa Nostra, let me tell you, it would be a mess. They keep us on tracks, scold us when needed. My wife, showing me his ring right after, is my everything. She keeps me sane, Manjiro.

My men were in the other cars and only Dante and I, except our driver, were here.

I don't want to bring her in this life, she doesn't need more-

Sorry to break it to you buddy, but she's already deep enough. Her face is all over the news, you must have seen that yeah? Nodding at him, I kept my gaze on the window.

Then you know, the best thing you can do now is protect her from your world, by staying by her side. That way, these events won't occur ever again. The Yamaguchi-gumi is pulling a nasty move right now. Ones of our few rules are; never look at friends wives; respect wives. The Yamaguchi-gumi disregarded all of them.

Venus isn't my wife.

But you want her to be yours don't you?

Silence settling between us, I tried to imagine myself with her, having a future together.

Do you see a future with her ?

... yes

Here you go. When she'll be saved, you'll have to present her to me, the kitten seems feisty enough to make you go crazy for her

Smiling a bit at his words, I took a decision. As soon as this shit is over, Vee will move in with me. Officially this time. And I won't prevent her from having her life, I'll give her the freedom she wants and needs.

My phone vibrating into my pocket, I took it out. Vee?

But what I heard after made my blood boil. She was screaming, begging me to come and save her. Eyes opened wide at the sound playing in the car, I gripped the phone tightlty, breaking it in the process. Gritting my teeth, I lowered my face down, nails tearing the skin of my palms open.

I'm gonna kill them all, I swear to god, these bastards will regret the day they were born.

Dante's hand on my shoulder, I turned to him.

We'll get them. No one touches our wives, remember? You even dyed your hair to please her. They'll pay for it, no worries Manjiro.

And that's precisely when we arrived. Opening the van's door, I was met with my executives. Ran and Sanzu had a wicked smile on their faces. These two will probably have fun.

Destroy them. I don't want any of them alive at the end of the day. I don't fucking care how you process, break their neck, pierce their eyes, rip their bodies apart or burn them to hell, I want blood. Understood?

And as I gave them my orders, they bowed.

Your wish is our command, boss.

-Mikey

I've changed the presentation, it's easier to understand that way 😌

it’s so nice!

The pain had me passing out, waking up only from the slaps my torturer, who so generously told me to call him Koda gave me. I’d wake up, see the handle of the knife sticking out of my bloody, trembling thigh, get woozy and faint.

This time when I woke up, I didn’t even get to follow the routine established between us because Koda was in my face, gripping my cheeks roughly. It hurt from all his prior roughness, his finger edging closely to the lip he had split. C’mon, Vee. You know I don’t want to hurt you. Just tell me what you know. I’ll even let you go.

I knew nothing, just like I told him every time he asked, but since he wanted a different reaction, I’d give it to him. Nodding my head, I watched his face slack into a grin as he let mine go, granting me free rein to speak and move my head. The first thing I did with it was cock my head far back and send it slamming into his own, head butting the shit out of him. The impact made my vision blur for a bit, but the sickening crack I heard made it all worth it.

Venus, I corrected, spitting blood onto his now-bleeding nose. I might have broken it. It’s Venus to you, you piece of shit.

You stupid bi— Gunshots. An entire slew of them. Natalie burst into the room, body slick with sweat, eyes wide and nervous.

They’re here! Bonten’s here! My heart leaped. Mikey? They found out about our hideout much earlier than we expected them to! The sound of rapid fire rounds echoed around us, each one sounding closer than the last. If they kept that up, they’d be in this room in no time. The thought of Mikey raining hell down on their skulls made me much happier than I thought it would. They deserved it. I hope they got it. My cackle, sudden and wheezy, startled both Nat and Koda.

I stared Natalie dead in my eyes as I calmed down. You should run, I advised her. She had endangered my life twice, and although I would probably have little say in what happens to her now—she’d burnt too many bridges; Mikey wouldn’t hesitate to put a hole in her skull— so the least I could give her was a head start. You might be able to get out of here if you run now, because if Mikey gets his hands on you… I don’t even allow myself the pleasure of blinking as I speak, wanting my words to resonate deeply with her. So much so that even if she survived, she’d see my face. He will kill you, and I won’t be able to stop him. And you know the worst part, Nat? I don’t think I’ll want to.

The fear in her eyes was palpable like it was that day in the hideout, but I had no sympathy left to offer her. I also could have told her what Koda told me, let her know she’d done this all in vain, but I didn’t, allowing her to walk out of the door and my life for what just might be the very last time.

So, Koda, I turned my head back to look at him pacing. What’s the move? You gonna run too?

Somebody else came flying through the room as I asked him, an underling of his perhaps, yelling the same question I had just asked him in more or less words and a much louder volume. They’re coming, Koda! We have to go!

A certain bang made even me jump. It sounded like it was just around the corner from us.

What’re you gonna do, Koda?

I’m gonna fucking kill you, he snarled, putting the cold nozzle of a gun he yanked from his pocket to my head.

I tried to hide my dread with fearlessness. I don’t mind that, you’ll be coming to keep me company wherever I end up in five minutes. Maybe less.

I could hear the gun clicking as he turned off the safety, eyes level with me. I was about to die, and the funniest part was I wasn’t afraid. Perhaps I knew deep down that even if I did, I’d be avenged. That nobody who tortured me or sought to hurt me would leave this place with their lives or their limbs perfectly in tact. I don’t know what kind of person that made me, but with this gun to my brain, I don’t think I’d have much time to ponder it.

Mikey flashed in my head, my last memories with him. I didn’t even get to kiss him goodbye. I’d have to add that to my never ending list of regrets, not telling him how much he had come to mean to me in such a short time. That he mattered, that he wasn’t cursed. That he deserved to be happy.

A small smile came across my face as our memories played out in my mind. We had come so far, and I was proud of it. If it all came down to it, I lived an overall good life with some really big lows. Pretty alright for me.

Kill them, Manji, is the last wish I made to myself mentally, making sure it got out before my brain matter was splattered across the wall. Kill them all.

[angryalchemist]

Winter's Celestial Guide for Spellwork

So, listen up! We have three supermoons and a total lunar eclipse to bring 2018 in strong!

We have a supermoon and a blue moon that will be a total lunar eclipse in Leo. As well as full moons on Gemini and Cancer with new moons in Sagittarius, Capricorn and Aquarius. We're also dealing with a holly jolly Mercury in retrograde.

Prime time for new intentions, ending the year with closure and bringing in 2018 at a ridiculous strength. Let's break it down a bit to plan those rituals and what spell to do when.

• Mercury will be in retrograde from December 3rd until December 22nd. Read your fine print before making deals or commitments. Don't be surprised if old friends or flames pop back up. You can always compare what house Mercury is going into in the current phase and your charge to get a heads up on what areas this will hit hard in.

• December 3rd- The Cold Moon ❄️- Full Moon in Gemini:

The supermoon is amplified as its drawn closer to earth. The Cold Moon is the last of the year, a prime time for protection, self care, renewal, prosperity and laying potent year long curses as well as finalizing and ending any curses you've cast this year. Gemini brings a focus on communication, creativity, intellect and thought. Read, have long talks and satisfy your curiosities. Scholastic success spells, creativity, renewal of self and more would be perfect for this time.

• December 18th - New Moon in Sagittarius

Sagittarius is a rather restless sign. While optimism, straightforward thinking and independence are running high take advantage by making a "burn list". Write out the trauma of the year and rid yourself of it so that the coming lunar events can be about self and not a reaction to the world or others.

• December 21st - Yule 🎄🎂🍻

Probably my favorite sabbat besides Samhain. Yule log, gifts, jovial times and celebrations galore. So decorate those trees with treats, drink up, be merry and burn that log.

• January 1st - The Wolf Moon 🐺 - Full moon in Cancer:

Another supermoon brings us continued closeness with her. This Wolf Moon has extra oomf regarding spirit work, healing and self care. A perfect time to deal with any passing of loved ones. A focus of strength and self love plus a heap of renewal zest make this tie into the energy of Cancer perfectly. The Mothering Cancer beckons us to clean up our houses, whatever that may mean to you. This emotional time is one of finalization to not bring things into 2018 or of memorandum to honor those and what we have lost and carry them in our hearts into another year. This emotional moon is about coming to terms. Let it all out, and remember much like Cancer you can be soft and rigid at the same time. Allow comfort, find your strength and most of all release.

January 17th New Moon in Capricorn

The rigid and hyper aware Capricorn is focused on the end goal and is practical and disciplined. Take some time here to set your goals, now that you've let go of the past year don't simply make flighty resolutions. Harness the Saturn heavy Capricorn and plan and make things to keep with you all year: study talismans, charge anti anxiety tea, charge crystals to carry during exams or interviews. Make an A team of magical items to meet those goals! Grip this by the horns and plan.

• January 31st - The Blue Moon 💙 - Blue Supermoon and total lunar eclipse in Leo:

Our final supermoon is in Leo, a feminine counter to the solar eclipse earlier this year in Leo. Where the solar eclipse was a literal nightmare. (To recap: solar eclipse in Leo with Venus and Mercury in retrograde while Regulus was rising meant a masculine, territorial claiming of domain with poor communication and long term thought all about self, regality and control with no thoughts into nurturing, care or compassion. Think Nazi rallies and near nuclear war.) This is an end to that energy. Maybe the moon heard our pleas and came close to counter the Suns statement in Leo with her own.

A supermoon has amplified properties and a lunar eclipse makes quite the statement as the feminine overtakes the masculine. A blue moon is quite rare and is a time for passion, luck and reverence. Even rarer is the fact all of this is happening at once. This is just as once in a lifetime as the solar eclipse.

Passions will run high. Let them, this lusty and sensual moon is the peak to connect with your inner Goddess and a better time for sex magic might not have existed. Especially if you take the reigns. An Aquarius sun brings perfect harmony to this Leo moon. This is YOUR time. Be as creative as you feel. Write, paint, do fleeky makeup- however you feel to express is how to go. Self love is big here. Heal from the trauma of a hyper masculine year of fighting the good fight with a spa day or make over. Treat yourself as an offering to the mother for her protection.

Any magic associated with the moon, ambitious intentions or very special to you will thrive here.

• No full moon in February - No Snow Moon this year ⛇

• February 15th - New Moon in Aquarius

A Snow Moon is typically the full moon celebrate family and all things domestic, to be charitable and benefit others as well as focus on psychic abilities. It's fortunate that immediately after a lack of a Snow Moon we have a new moon under the charitable and giving Aquarius that's an airy sign all for community and communication, even psychic. I urge you to celebrate the Snow Moon here. Give, focus on family and loved ones and development of inner gifts is great.

[myssthyss]

Drawn

Sequel to (Re)Birth

The ground crunches gently beneath the tall Awoken’s feet, her newly found redwood walking staff adding a third thump to her gait. The trek to this “City” will be long and arduous, especially with limited aerospace centers in proximity to where her Ghost found her. Luckily, it seems she landed on the correct side of the mountain. 

As in, the side closer to a ship. 

Her Ghost had estimated a two to three week trek to the nearest Golden Age Aeroport and, hopefully, the Fallen hadn’t retreated there and picked it clean after the SIVA Crisis.

God, she was so clueless about all of this.

“So, what’s that ‘Traveler’ you mentioned earlier?” Myss asks her Ghost, who somehow dematerialized and is living inside her head now. 

He insists he lives in her backpack, but she’s not wearing a backpack, and she can hear him in her head. This is all so disorienting, and she’s stopped questioning her companion’s personal shenanigans to save her sanity somewhat.

[No one knows exactly what the Traveler is,] 

Really helpful, Ghost. 

[...some would refer to it and its Light as a God and a Blessing respectively, and the Ghosts and their Guardians - as children of the Traveler and its Light - as demigods.] 

Myss’ eyes widen slightly at that. Her, a demigod? No pressure, right?

[However, it’s simplest to call it a terraformer, as that is primarily what it did while it was alive.]

“It’s dead?”

[Yes. That’s why I exist. I, as well as every other Ghost, was born the moment the Traveler died, with the express purpose of finding you - our Guardian.]

“Aww, you’re gonna make me blush.”

[Let me try harder. I’d wandered the Sol System for hundreds of years, oversaw many battles - The Faction Wars, Six Fronts, The Great Disaster, Twilight Gap, the SIVA Crisis - I’d been to Luna, Mars, Venus, and Mercury, and not one fallen individual had called to me.] Her Ghost materializes in front of her. [Until yesterday.]

She feels the water-like light ripples on her face congregate on her cheeks. “--You got me. I’m blushing.”

Her Ghost laughs, and disappears again.

Over the next few days of travel, her questions are gradually answered. 

After the Traveler had blessed many a race with its Light, and subsequently abandoned them when the Darkness came for it, it decided to make its final stand to protect humanity. 

The City - The Last Safe City - is the last place on planet Earth that is truly secure for humanity, sitting in the shadow of the dead Traveler. 

The City is run by the Speaker, the Consensus, and the Vanguard. The three Vanguard leaders each represent one Guardian Order. 

Her Ghost says he knows which Order she’ll fit in with best, but he wants it to be a surprise for her. That’s no fun.

There’s a variety of enemies they’ll face, but the Fallen are the ones they’ll run into the most. They were the last species the Traveler blessed, and the last it abandoned.

Myss learns more about the Fallen in a less-than-pleasant manner. She’s sniped at by a Vandal from a hundred feet up, Marauders slice at her out of nowhere, and Dregs take aim at range. 

She’s able to fend them off successfully using her redwood walking stick and one of the Marauder’s blades, but not without taking a substantial amount of damage.

“I... I need a moment...” She says breathlessly, supporting herself against a tree.

[No rush. I’ve got you.] Her Ghost soothes. His beams run over her fresh wounds, leaving no trace they existed as they heal. Then, he freezes, and abruptly disappears into her backpack. [Actually maybe some rush. Did you hear that?]

“Hear wh--”

//E ZER ET HUS//

She turns abruptly towards the guttural voice, and meets the glowing eyes of--

[A Captain. No doubt this gang’s leader. And we just killed them all.]

“What do we do?! He’s huge!” Her stillness and chatter seems to upset the Fallen Captain because--

//SHE DA HUR ET//

[I’d grab one of the Dregs’ shock pistols. Quickly!]

Myss does so, takes aim, and fires. The Captain dodges her shot and disappears briefly, reappearing about ten feet away from where he was. 

This repeats for several minutes, firing, dodging, firing again, until she gets impatient and just runs up to punch the Captain. Unfortunately, the Captain has two feet on her, and two more arms than she does. It’s easy for him to thwart her attack, grabbing her neck as she swings, then holds her up against a tree while his blades draw dangerously close to her torso.

//RA SHA HA//

Logically, she knows this won’t matter. She knows she’ll be back in a moment’s time. Dying still sucks, though. It’s still painful. It’s still defeat. She doesn’t want to lose. She doesn’t want to die again.

And - as if her pleas had been heard - a deafening gunshot rings through the air. The next thing she knows, the Captain disintegrates into a million burning embers, and she falls to the ground.

“What?” Myss breathes a heavy sigh of relief, resting a hand on her neck. “What happened?”

“I just saved your life’s what happened!”

A female figure in a violet hooded cloak - bathed in fire and wielding a flaming pistol - jogs up to her and offers her unarmed hand. Just as Myss goes to take the offered hand, the stranger’s gun and flames vanish.

This just added like ten questions to Myss’ list.

“Thanks! What the hell was that?!” She asks incredulously of the stranger. “That was... You really saved me the trouble of dying again.”

[You mean saved me the trouble?] Her Ghost says, appearing over her shoulder.

“Hey! Dying hurts. It’s trouble for me, too.”

The stranger gasps. “You’re a Guardian, too!” Her helmet’s removed to reveal hair, lips, markings, and glowing eyes that match the flames that engulfed her just moments ago. “Lumo, you can come out, you know.”

{I know! I was just making sure the coast was clear.} The Ghost expands and reveals its sphere of Light, scanning the area. {Looks like that Captain was the last of them. Good job, you two.}

The two Awoken and the other Ghost all thank Lumo, and do a double take between each other before laughing over the confusion.

“I like you.” The orange-eyed Awoken says with a smile, offering her hand again. “Name’s Seraph Vim, and that’s Lumo.”

“Myss Thyss, and that’s...” Myss looks to her Ghost, who looks back expectantly. She hadn’t known she had to - and therefore hadn’t planned on -giving him a name. But-- “...Casper.”

Casper looks befuddled, and simultaneously delighted.

{Lovely to meet the both of you.} Lumo says, performing as much of a bow or curtsy as a Ghost could manage. {You’re on your way to The City as well?}

[That we are.]

“Well why don’t we travel together?” Myss suggests to the group. “We’ll be safer that way, having someone to watch our backs.”

“You just want me to stick around so I can save you again.” Seraph teases with a smile and a nudge. “Don’t worry, I’d be happy to save you anytime, Myss.”

That got her to blush again. “Thanks. I’ll probably need it.” She sighs, looking over to her Gh... Casper. “Which way now? That fight got me turned around.”

[That-a-way!] Casper replies, facing his shell in the requested direction. The group heads off, Ghosts disappearing to the safety of their Guardians’ backpacks.

“How long have you and Lumo been traveling?” Myss asks after a lengthy silence.

Seraph tilts her head, looking absently upwards. “About a week or so, I’d say.” She replies. “He found me in a ship halfway up the mountain range, still strapped into my seat.”

Myss blinks. “Wait... a ship?” Her hand goes to her chest, ghosting over the jewel that sat below the fabric. “What do you remember about it?”

“The glass was shattered, the seat was purple at one point, and there was some sort of large flag in there.” Seraph turns so her back faced Myss, showing off the large emblem on her cloak. It’s made up of three yellow diamonds and two white triangles. Almost looks like a crown.  “It was cold up there, so I used this to warm up and I’ve decided to keep it.”

Myss nods thoughtfully, slightly envious of how stylish Seraph’s cloak is. “Mine was similar, believe it or not. Though, I think I was on the floor of the ship, far below the seat. And I was at the top of the mountain.”

“Really?” Seraph asks, incredulous. “How’d you get down here so fast?”

“Well...”

[She fell.]

“No. You didn’t.”

[She was mere minutes old, had just figured out her name, and she slipped and fell two miles down the mountain.]

Lumo bursts into laughter, forcing his Guardian to laugh as well.

The liquid light on Myss’ cheeks flares. “Shut up! The snow was loose! I lost my footing.”

“Oh my god, Myss. That’s fantastic. Looks like you will need me to save you.” Seraph wipes her eyes as her giggles subside.  “So... did you choose your name, or...?”

Myss knows what Seraph’s getting at with how her question trailed off, and she pulls out her jewel by the chain.

Seraph immediately does the same, though hers is a much lighter shade of purple. They speak almost in unison.

“Myss Thyss. Iris Commander.”

“Seraph Vim. Orchid Commander.”

There’s a pause as the pair absorb this new information.

Myss speaks first, quietly. “No way.” 

“Were we part of the same fleet?” Seraph adds in awe.

“I wonder if we knew each other.”

Seraph smiles and tuts. “I’m sure we did. We were both Commanders! We probably sat in a war room together at least once.”

[You’d be right. There have been two conflicts that the Awoken were directly involved in.]

{And considering your ages, you were probably present for both of them.}

The two Awoken look at each other, the weight of the information fully resting on their shoulders. 

Decades of history had likely occurred between them, and it was all lost when they crashed into that mountain. Now here they were, united again, with no recollection of any of it. They both felt slightly emptier than they had previously, but also more whole.

“Maybe that’s why I felt drawn to you.” Seraph almost whispers, keeping her eyes angled forward, avoiding Myss’ gaze. “Maybe knowing each other in our past lives helped us connect in our new lives.”

“Maybe,” Myss smiles softly, laying her arm over Seraph’s shoulder. “...but now we have eternity to make new memories with each other. We’ll make up for what we lost a hundred fold.”

Now it was Seraph’s turn to blush, her ripples resembling tiny flames on her cheeks. She smiles, which only makes those little flames brighter.

“Sounds like a plan.”

[melonoverlord]

ABCs for the beautiful baby bois

Since these are long ass prompts, I’ll split them up. Here is the baby boi Ravi first.

A: Aptitude

1. what are your oc’s natural abilities, things they’ve been doing since young?

He’s been doing hospital work ever since he was around two. It started just as organizing documents and running from room to room getting supplies to help his mom who was in the surgery and delivery ward. He’s also suspiciously good at guessing which couples are going to end up together.

2. what activities have they participated in?

He’s often Val’s guinea pig for her inventions that have to do with bionic parts, but he’s also a really avid bowler. It was one of his physical therapy requirements so he could be used to lifting heavy things.

3. what abilities do they have that they’ve worked for?

Making his bionic arms and legs are natural to him as his normal limbs were. It took a long time to be able to walk and move on his own, but now he knows just exactly how to move his limbs for the most fluid motions.

4. what things are they bad at?

Staying still while getting shots. Whenever he has to get his daily flu shot, Nivviah has to chase him around the ship while he screams and cries. Eventually Nivviah has to cast “Calm Emotions” or “Charm Person” on him to get him to calm down and sit still to get his shots, which she hates because she dislikes taking away Ravi’s autonomy, but he gets sick easily otherwise and please Ravi, we can’t keep doing this.

5. what is their most impressive talent?

Boy is incredibly good at anatomy. He definitely has a career in the medical field because he can find any vein or blood vessel and know just where to cut in surgeries.

B: Basics

1. what is their hair color?

Black

2. what is their eye color?

Dark brown

3. how tall are they?

4′0

4. how old are they?

8

5. how much do they weigh?

75 lbs

C: Comfort

1. how do they sit in a chair?

Criss-cross applesauce with his hands in his lap.

2. in what position do they sleep?

Curled up in a tiny ball. He usually takes up as little space as possible. It makes it perfectly for scooping into your arms.

3. what is their ideal comfort day?

Wearing his onesie while watching Disney movies with his parents, siblings, Castor, and the snabies. Also playing nerf guns with his siblings, Castor, and Val because Ravi takes no prisoners.

4. what is their major comfort food? why?

Lassi. It’s an Indian yogurt drink that he really likes. It reminds him home. No one else can really make it, though.

5. who is the best at comforting them when down?

It used to be Crumb because Crumb thought it was his duty to take care of Ravi, but now it’s his good good mama Ciri.

D: Decoration

1. how would they decorate a house if they had one under their name?

He just wants a house where him and all his siblings have their own rooms but connect them to make one giant sleepover room. If he could choose how Tam and Ciri decorated the house, everything would be connected to a slide and the floor would look like a little forest floor.

2. how would they decorate their child’s room?

He won’t have kids for a long, long, long time, but he would try to put as much little toys in their room because he spent so long without them and would give them everything from chemistry sets to trampolines just so they can try everything.

3. how do they decorate their own room?

His room’s actually one of barest, but he’s slowly building up his toy collection, but he also has one of those little plastic slides that he likes to go down. He also has a lot of his own artwork on the walls.

4. what type of clothes and accessories do they wear?

Usually he wears jeans or overalls and a sweater, but in the summer when it gets hot he likes wearing summer dresses, especially ones that are swishy. He likes wearing long skirts in the spring or fall when it’s not cold but not super warm either.

5. do they like makeup/nail/beauty trends?

He doesn’t like wearing makeup because it makes him itchy, but he loves doing his nails with Venus or Percy whenever Percy comes over.

E: External Personality

1. does the way they do things portray their internal personality?

Yes for the most part. There’s a hidden salty part of his personality that comes out when he really does not like someone, but for the most part he’s a bubbly boy.

2. do they do things that conform to the norm?

There’s not really much of a norm given how secluded they all live, but compared to other children, he tends to be more fluid in everything from actions to dress.

3. do they follow trends or do their own thing?

He usually does his own thing. Because he’s been the only kid for a long time, he has to start his own child trends.

4. are they up-to-date on the internet fads?

There’s very few non-Freedom Vessel things he knows.

5. do they portray their personality intentionally or let people figure it outon their own?

The personality he displays for the most part is his honest one, so most people can figure out his personality right away. It takes a little while but people see that he has a hidden sass and mischievousness underneath that good little boy exterior.

F: Fun

1. what do they do for fun?

He really likes bowling with the kids or playing Nerf Guns with Castor and the snabies.

2. what is their ideal party?

Slumber party with his friends and family while they watch Disney movies and then he kicks their butts at bowling.

3. who would they have the most fun with?

Crumb is still his very best friend, but he’s getting close to Allura as his first non-family friend.

4. can they have fun while conforming to rules?

He’s a lawful good boy who has never broken a rule in his life. Except maybe training with knives. He’s broken that rule a bit.

5. do they go out a lot?

Nope. The first time he stepped off the ship since when he was rescued from Earth was Dryas. And everyone has been hesitant to let him out of their sights since.

G: Gorgeous

1. what is their most attractive external feature?

He has the cutest fucking baby nose and is a very short kid. He’s absolutely precious.

2. what is the most attractive part of their personality?

You know that he 110% cares about you and looks up to you and you never have to worry whether he’s faking his devotion to you.

3. what benefits come with being their friend?

You get the best, free health care and he will love you unconditionally even when no one else will.

4. what parts of them do they like and dislike?

He likes his intelligence and kindess, but hates that there’s not much he can contribute to the ship because he’s small. He also hates and doesn’t understand why he has such big gaps in memory and can’t remember stuff.

5. what parts of others do they envy?

He envies that he is the only child on the ship who is restricted from doing stuff (when he learned that Kalliste was going to Helios he asked if he could come with them but Luna said no because he was too recognizable).

H: Heat

1. do they rather a hot or cold room?

Cold. He loves wearing onesies and being buried under 7 blankets, and he can’t do that if it’s too hot.

2. do they prefer summer or winter?

Winter. Summer in New India got sweltering hot, and if his limbs get too hot they will flat out stop working and most likely burn him.

3. do they like the snow?

The few times he got to experience snow he loved it immensely. When he lived on Earth, he loved doing snowball fights and making snow angels.

4. do they have a favorite summer activity?

Making ice cream sundaes with Tam and Crumb.

5. do they have a favorite winter activity?

Snowball fights. It’s why he likes nerf guns so much.

I: In-the-closet

1. what is their sexuality?

He’s a little baby bi in the making.

2. have they ever questioned their sexuality?

He hasn’t met enough kids to establish a crush (as every kid he met eventually became his sibling or y’know, tried to kidnap and sell him to Genesis), but he knows that if the time is right, he will have a crush on someone.

3. have they ever questioned their gender?

No, he’s always been a bouncing baby boy. But in his presentation he tends to dress more fluidly in that he’ll wear overalls and a t-shirt one day, and a dress and painted nails the next.

4. would/was their family be okay with them being LGBT?

Absolutely, his family just wants him happy and safe over all else. Also both his parents are Bi so there’s not much to be not okay about.

5. how long would/did it take for them to come out?

He wouldn’t really come out just because growing up under a rainbow flag of a ship, coming out isn’t necessarily a requirement, you just say who or who you don’t want to kiss. 

J: Joy

1. what makes them happy?

Trains, being a help to the Freedom Vessel, nerf gun fights, Disney movies

2. who makes them happy?

Ciri, Tam, Crumb, Psyche, Castor, Allura, and Kalliste. His family and his very best friends.

3. are there any songs that bring them joy?

‘You’ll Be in My Heart’ from Tarzan.

4. are they happy often?

For the most part. He has some underlying sadness sometimes but most of the time he’s able to push that down and be happy.

5. what brings them the most joy in the world?

His favorite baby brother, Crumb.

K: Kill

1. have they ever thought about suicide?

No, he just wants to live in peace.

2. have they ever thought about homicide?

Absolutely not. The only reason he killed Manisha was because she was going to kill his family.

3. if they could kill anyone without punishment, would they? who?

Nobody. Ravi is already messed up from killing one person, 

4. who would miss them if they died?

Everyone on the Freedom Vessel and their cousin. But he thinks Crumb and Ciri would probably be the worst off.

5. who would be happy they died, anyone?

Genesis, Magdalena, Adrian probably.

L: Lemons

1. what is their favorite fruit?

Blueberries

2. what is their least favorite fruit?

Technically tomatoes are a fruit, so tomatoes. He doesn’t like skin and thinks its too squishy.

3. are there any foods they hate?

Carrots. They’re too crunchy and bland.

4. do they have any food intolerances?

Pumpkins.

5. what is their favorite food?

Pancakes, especially blueberry pancakes.

M: Maternal

1. would they want a daughter or a son?

Both. All. He’d love them all.

2. how many children do they want?

Probably 4. He doesn’t want anyone to feel alone like he did and wants his kids to be best friends.

3. would they be a good parent?

It’s like at least twenty years before he becomes a parent, but he’d be the most attentive, caring parent that reads voices in the stories and tucks his kids into bed.

4. what would they name a son? what would they name a daughter?

He would name his daughter after his birth mom Padma and would probably name his son after his big brother Castor.

5. would they adopt?

His favorite mom and dad adopted him, and he knows firsthand how many orphans of war there are.

N: Never Have I Ever

1. what would they never do?

Swear or lie to people. Or willingly hurt someone.

2. what have they never done that they want to do?

He still wants Castor to teach him to use a knife. He doesn’t want to hurt anybody with it but he likes playing pirates with Crumb and the snabies and wants to do knife tricks like pirates do.

3. is there anything they absolutely can’t believe people do?

Tell lies (or swear)

4. what is the most embarrassing thing they’ve done?

When he was first trying to get used to his limbs, he left the infirmary before Val told him he was ready and got until out the door when his legs stopped working and he fell. He was stuck on the ground for three hours just sobbing until Nivviah came down because she wanted to check on him. Needless to say, after that it as clear that everyone was a problem child on the ship and Ravi had 24/7 watch.

5. have they done anything they thought they’d never do?

Kill somebody.

O: Optimism

1. are they optimistic or pessimistic?

He’s very optimistic. About 90% is his actual optimistic nature and 10% is trying to be optimistic for his family and friends because he knows that they aren’t that optimistic about the future often.

2. are they openly optimistic, throwing it on others?

Absolutely. He is probably the only Freedom Vessel member who’s honestly hopeful about the future.

3. are they good at giving advice?

No one’s really came to Ravi for advice because he has a limited world experience, but his advice tends to fall on the optimist side of things. If you want advice that looks more on the positive side, come to Ravi.

4. is there anyone in their life that throws optimism on them?

Usually it’s Crumb but usually he has to throw his own optimism on himself.

5. were they always optimistic?

Yeah, at least as far back as he can remember.

P: Personality

1. what is their best personality trait?

Caring

2. what is their worst personality trait?

Gullible

3. what of their personality do others love?

Castor loves his big heart, endless love for everyone, his determination to be helpful, his kindness, and secret mischievous side. Ciri loves everything single thing about him from the top of his head to the tip of his cyborg toes and everything inbetween. Particularly she loves his intelligence, sweetness, bravery, and loving and trusting nature.

4. what of their personality do others envy?

Everyone pretty much envies his endless optimism even as he got kidnapped. Castor envies Ravi’s innocence and cheerful personality and his ability to make anything he’s doing fun. Ciri envies his ability to trust easily.

5. do they hate anything about their personality/about other’s personalities?

He doesn’t really like personalities that rely on pushing people away or being mean to people, especially non-Genesians to other non-Genesians. He knows that Genesis already treats people bad. Why do other people have to as well?

Q: Questions

1. do they ask for help?

Usually. He wants to do a good of a job as he can be, which is why he often asks for help when he can’t do something. It embarrasses him when he has to, but he knows that everyone needs help sometimes.

2. do they ask questions in class?

He’s the kid who sits in the front of class and raises his hand for every question.

3. do they answer questions that make them a little uncomfortable?

He’ll probably answer your questions even if it makes him uncomfortable, unless he desperately doesn’t want to answer it in which he’ll just shut down completely.

4. do they ask weird questions?

He tends to ask fairly normal questions unless he really wants to know something, then he’ll push.

5. are they curious?

He wants to know everything about the world and would do anything to get the knowledge he seeks. He’s a Ravenclaw through and through.

R: Rules

1. do they follow rules?

He’s a lawful good boy who follows every rule.

2. would they be a strict or laid-back parent?

He’d be strict in the sense that he wants his kids to do go but he’d give them freedom to just be children and run about.

3. have they ever been consequenced for breaking a rule?

I mean, he was consequenced in the sense that he literally got kidnapped, but not in punishment.

4. have they broken any rules they now regret breaking?

He still mentally kicks himself for not listening to Ciri on Dryas and still trusting Magdalena.

5. do they find any rules they/others follow absolutely ridiculous?

Let him play with his knife, he’s a growing boy. He got it for a reason.

S: Streets

1. are they street-smart?

He is still a fairly trusting kid who tends to take things at face value. He’s spent very little of his life being able to talk to the general public and has spent about half his life solely in the Freedom Vessel.

2. would they give money to someone on the streets?

Absolutely. If he ever went to a planet with people begging, he would try to help them anyway he could. Which would probably get him dragged into bad situations.

3. have they ever gotten in a fight on the streets?

Nope. He doesn’t usually like fighting and hasn’t had a chance to start any kind of fight.

4. has anything happened to them on the streets?

Absolutely. The two biggest scares of his life happened when someone came up to him on the street.

5. are they cautious when out?

Now he’s more cautious, but he also has like ten people ready to destroy the world if someone tries to stomp out Ravi’s light.

T: Truth

1. are they honest?

He’s pretty honest. If he doesn’t want to tell you something, he will just straight up not tell you. He’d never lie about anything. Though with his memory problems, there’s a lot he doesn’t say.

2. can they tell if someone is lying?

He’s got a +5 to insight, so he is pretty good at telling when people are bullshitting him, but he also likes to see the best in everyone so tends to push past his instincts and trust people.

3. is it obvious when they’re lying?

He doesn’t usually lie but it’s not super obvious when he’s lying. Since he never lies, people usually assume he’s always telling the truth.

4. have they lied about anything they regret lying about?

Nope, he’s an honest kid.

5. have they told truths that have been spread against their will?

There was the Dryas tapes when Ravi killed Manisha, but that part is kinda common knowledge.

U: Underdog

1. have they been bullied?

Yes, mostly by Adrian.

2. have they bullied anyone?

Nope, he is too good for that.

3. have they been physically attacked by a bully?

I mean, Adrian attacking him is 110% of the reasons why the party hates the pussy.

4. have they ever been doubted?

Luna rescued him just because Crumb led her to him, but she just expected it to be a child that they’d take of. When he finally got better enough to ask if he could work, Luna almost said no because she thought he wouldn’t be able to keep up and should just stick on being a kid.

5. have they surprised people with being good at something?

Absolutely no one expected a four year old to be this good at anatomy and medical knowledge. He may be a small child but he’s a prodigy at anything in the medical field.

V: Vomit

1. do they vomit often?

Nope, kid’s got a pretty good stomach.

2. do they get lots of stomach aches?

He really only gets stomach aches if he’s actually sick. He mostly gets head colds than

3. are they good at comforting someone ill?

He’s the ship’s doctor so he’s pretty good. When Castor was on his death bed while sick, he came and gave Castor chicken noodle soup and make him drink tea.

4. what do they like as far as comfort goes?

When Ravi is sick, you’ll know he’s sick because he’s the clingiest little shit that just wants to be carried everywhere and held. When Ravi’s sick, all the caretaking is given to Ciri since she can’t catch his germs.

5. do they burp, cough, or hiccup most when nauseous? when vomiting?

He hiccups a lot when nauseous or vomiting. Most of it is because he’s actually hurting, and the second half is because he doesn’t like vomiting so he starts crying.

W: Water

1. do they drink enough water?

He’s a good little boy who knows that you need water to stay healthy and hydrated.

2. have they learned to swim?

He knows how to swim, but only the bare basics. He’s too scared to put his face underwater. He learned when he first came to the ship and was able to use his bionic limbs.

3. do they like to swim?

He likes wading in at best and splashing around, but likes it more when his feet can be on the ground.

4. can they dive?

Nope. He’s one of those kids who tries to dive and just ends up in a weak jump.

5. can they swim without holding their nose?

Baby boy needs the whole scuba goggles to swim period.

X: Xylophone

1. what is their favorite genre of music?

He really loves Disney music or classical music. He likes listening to piano or harp as he goes to sleep and Disney music during the day.

2. do they have a favorite song?

‘Feed the Birds (Tuppence a Bag)’ from Mary Poppins. He remembers his birth mom singing it to him when he was a baby. It’s one of the few things about his early childhood that he remembers.

3. do they have a favorite band/artist/singer?

Enya. She’s very peaceful when he’s trying to go to sleep, especially because he doesn’t like the feeling of falling asleep. Sometimes it feels like he’s being forced under for some reason.

4. can they sing well?

He has a really cute, high voice. He actually is really good at singing to Disney princesses.

5. can they rap?

He tries his best, but he always ends up out of breath.

Y: You

1. how old were you when you created them?

16. His powerpoint is dated July 2014.

2. what inspired you to create them?

I think Ravi’s story was one of the ones that started from a dream about a little boy with robotic arms and legs and had a little robot that followed him around.

3. were they different when they were first created?

He’s a lot more wholesome and less salty. He is now also a lot younger (his original form was 11 years old). All the salt got transferred to his big sister Sasha.

4. do you enjoy writing them more than other characters?

I mean, one of my favorite things is well written child characters, so Ravi is a blast to play.

5. what’s your favorite thing about them?

He’s my good, smart little medic boy who just wants to help people. Also I’m just really glad that people love him because he used to be my obscure boy from a story about a Dystopian Steampunk India and now he’s everyone’s favorite brother (or son in Ciri’s case).

Z: Zebra

1. what’s their favorite animal?

His favorite animal is a bear just because it’s the species of his teddy bear and Winnie the Pooh.

2. do they like animals?

He’s a little scared of animals just because he hasn’t been near a whole lot of them, but he likes the ones that are on TV.

3. cats or dogs?

If you show him a tiny dog, he will probably die because it’s small and he’s small so he can’t protect it.

4. what’s their dream pet?

Anything soft like a bunny or guinea pig.

5. do they have any pets at the moment?

Nope, but he’s helping Nivviah take care of Noodle while Castor’s on Helios. He and Allura have a running joke of calling Noodle everything noodle related but not her name. Favorites include ‘Spaghetti’, ‘Fettucine Alfredo’, and ‘Linguini’.

[ainmunaqadh]

memory log 0.5

Ain’s P.O.V (point of view)

Ishtar Academy. The research facility thats well known throughout the solar system. Here today, me and my batch of students from my school will be going to a trip there. Only the 12th grade year of students of my school had the privilege to go there due to some odd...reasons we students don’t know. Probably because they knew we were all training to become Guardians. Whatever reasons, we certainly didnt want to miss out this chance. Though some parents didn’t really approve of this trip, but after some explanation they seemed pretty okay with it soon after including my strict father. The trip was just a few days trip and just a day at the Ishtar Academy to not make the protective parents worry as it will be our first time into space. It felt like a dream to head to Ishtar Academy. They discovered plenty of things over there. I really liked researching and this could a chance to sharpen my skills for my dream job. A researcher. This was just a day trip and literally everyone was feeling anxious including myself. My father fortunately had a few days off before he go back to his work with Mr. Bray. My father did some lecturers about life choices. Those parent-child talks. You know the thing. He’s a protective dad after all.

Soon enough, the day came and all of us went into the space ship that looked like sci-fi space trains from Mass Effect. Almost like the Normandy but bigger. Once on board, we all took ourselves to our rooms and shared rooms with some friends of the same gender for safety reasons.

“Hehe, I’d be glad if I managed to catch an attention of a fellow researcher. It’d be awesome to do their work!” My friend Lidwina exclaimed as she rises from her bed.”To think to become a guardian and research at the same time, oh wait that’s a Warlock thing.”

Charmaine, one of my friends, looked toward me as she was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed,”Ain you want to be a Hunter actually right?”

I was on my bed, sketching on my sketchbook. I was sketching out myself as a guardian with my own Ghost(which I’ll soon have). Thinking, saving lives and doing good deeds to achieve great sense of honor and nobility.”Yeah, my mentor is a Hunter so I’ll be a Hunter. But being a Warlock doesn’t seem bad either it is?” I chuckle to myself, thinking myself as a Warlock instead of a Hunter.

“Boo. Warlocks are space wizards and nerds. Look Goh, Hakimi, Wong and the others. Nerds and they fit the Warlock stereotype.” Lidwina crossed her arms and did a pouty face hearing my last sentence. All three of us are going to be official Hunters some day. When that day arrives, we’ll all make it worth for us , our mentors and everyone else in our lives.

“Oh please, not all Warlocks are like that. Same goes for Titans and Hunters. Like what if a Warlock can do well with knifes? What if a Hunter wants to float like a Warlock? What if a Titan fights more like a Hunter?” I finished up the final touch ups in my sketch as I indeed looked awesome in my cloak with my mentor Brendan by my side.”In fact, let’s make a bet. If one of us attains both classes, be it Hunter-Warlock or so on combination, the other two losses. ”Don’t jinx it if it happens to me especially. Chances are high if you’re keen on it. Up to the Traveller really.”

Lidwina and Charmaine looked at each other with slight hesitation. I rarely make bets but when I do, I would win no doubt as the probabilities of my winning were like...99.9%. Even so, they nodded and agreed.”Fine.”

Days passed, we finally reach to Venus and there stood the famous Ishtar Academy. I could’ve swear some of us would like to go continue our studies there once we graduated out of high school. We were greeted by some of the professors there and were much welcomed. We were taken around the place and it was huge. Bigger than any university we’ve been to. The professors even asked what job we’d like be to part of aside from being Guardians. They were happy to hear some of us like to continue their higher education here at Ishtar Academy.

“Alright students, I’m sure you all got your piece of papers we just handed out to you. Listen, those lucky enough will have a name written on their paper. If you get a name, you will be spending time with that person who is a fellow researcher here.”

Everyone looked at their folded piece of paper in their hands. Some crossed their fingers and hoped they get a name.

“Alright kids open your paper!”

Everyone then unfolded their papers before a lot of groans and cheering was heard all around. The groans were probably from those who got a blank page and the cheering was from those who got a name. I just stood there in silent. I got a name. Dr Maya Sundaresh. She sounds like a prestigious person from the sound of her name. Her name even sounds pretty.

“Ain you got a name? Wah lucky you!” Lidwina showed her blank paper as she looked quite upset but calmed herself anyway.

“You lucked out Ain. I didn’t get a name either. I heard Goh did. As expected from the top student of our batch.”Charmaine shrugs as she held out her blank page before putting it back into her pocket,”Those who didn’t get a name will go around the Academy with the staff members to the projection room. We’re going on in a 3D simulation project to test our skills as guardians.”

“Ah that sounds grand. Wish I could join but of course I’m going to be with Dr Maya. A real experience.I ‘ll see you both later.” I walked off according to the directions showed on the map to Dr Maya’s lab office.

Once arriving there, I knocked on the door to let her know I was coming in.”Hello? Dr Maya?”

Exo’s P.O.V or Cayde

Still an average day for a fixture like me. Like usual day. I just stood there close by the door way while watching over Dr Maya who was as usual focusing on her research. I still haven’t felt anything. Just this ache in my cold husk that gave up to the ice long ago. Maya will never see me other than a fixture. Nothing else. Because I’m not a living being in the flesh. I was just metal. With not much memories from when I was human, that doesn’t matter. I’ll just remain like this anyway. Unless someone with a good and pure heart came into my life. Chances are pretty grim.

But then I heard a knock and voice outside the door.

”Hello? Dr Maya?”

The door slowly opened as apparently I was the first thing that greeted her. She just looks at me for a moment before she smiled. Smiled. The first time...someone actually saw me as an actual being and not some kind of nutcracker statue or anything that’s usual ignored. Her hair was a soft ebony black and slightly wavy. Her skin a fair colour and her eyes a dark brown like the soil from Earth. She reminded me of Snow White somehow. Her smile...bright as a star that I felt something in me. Maybe my wish was heard.

Dr Maya immediately looked back from her work once the girl entered the room. The girl wore a school uniform. White blouse and a long sky blue skirt. Simple but it definitely looked cute on her. Her wavy hair was long as it was tied up into a ponytail. It definitely added something to her appearance.

“You’re a student from that school are you not? You got my name?” As always, Maya sounded serious but this time she sounded friendly to not scare the girl.”Dr Maya Sundaresh but you probably know my name already.””

“Yep!” She held out the paper with Maya’s name on it,”I’m Ain! Honoured to meet a researcher like you!”

Ain....that was quite a name. Pretty in fact. Short but pretty. Like herself. Her voice was something else too. Feminine but had a leadership sense to it. This Ain girl seemed like something grand in the near future perhaps.

Dr Maya and Ain immediately got back to what Maya was doing but starting with the basics. Maya told Ain about their research on the Vex and Ain had pointed out a few facts. She was a real smart kiddo. Brilliant like Maya but more...brilliant than Maya. Sure she was nervous and stuttered a few times but it actually made Maya chuckled. Have I never saw her chuckle or even smile before. Ain had that cheerful and happy go lucky aura. Ain even told Maya about her becoming a Guardian soon. A Hunter in fact. Nice choice. Her skills will be fantastic to say from her description of results in her training. It was harsh but important. Maya prepared a lab coat her size. She looked like a mini professor to be honest. Her giggles were really something too. All I could do was just watch even during Maya taking a picture of Ain in her lab coat. I was just a fixture. In the background. Nothing important than metal. At least just to Maya anyway. Ain smiled at me. Maybe she thinks of me differently.

Hours passed and apparently it was time for Ain to  gather up with the other students to head back to Earth. I was feeling sad to see her leave. Sad? I actually feel an emotion? That’s a progress. To think a girl like her made me feel this way, may be she’s the actual person I need to see myself better. To put up myself as an individual and not a fixture.

“Thank you Dr Maya. For the tips and everything. Hope that I’ll pass the final exam!” She turns around to walk back to the door way with her own ID card in her pocket. The ID card will give her access to any part of the place, if she plans to return to which I hope so. She then stops for a moment before looking over to me. Her dark brown eyes meeting my aqua blue optics. She smiled at me once more.”It was nice meeting you too.”She then resumed to walk out of the room and Maya just straight went back to her work without gazing at me or whatsoever. Ain was the only that noticed me as an actual person.

Ain is....quite an interesting person to say. Interesting I mean....I could’ve swore...I could have a crush on her. Probably. It was hopeless anyway. I won’t see her again.

Or maybe I will. When I do, I won’t take her for granted.

Ain’s P.O.V

As much as it was interesting to be with Dr Maya, that blue Exo looked intriguing as well. Despite not speaking or all, he just made sure we would be both safe from harm. He was the security officer after all. I see in his optics. Widening whenever I smiled or look at him for a moment. I could’t tell if he felt anything. Dad didn’t specifically say if Exos could feel anything or not. Still, I’d just smiled just in case so he would’t feel left out. He was quite tail. Normal for a male exo to be that tall. I only reached up to his shoulders. Yes I am indeed small.’

Receiving the ID card from Maya, I put it in my pocket before heading out to the others at the entrance as it was time to head back home. Just then, I stopped to look to the Exo once more.

I smiled,”It was nice meeting you too.” Of course, his optics widen slightly to which I chuckled softly while walking out of the room. He surely was quite of an Exo. Almost good looking. Okay I will admit that. He is rather a good looking Exo but that doesn’t mean I like him...maybe.

Back at the entrance, we took a lot of group photos and even with the professors that were gonna say their goodbyes to us. Everyone else also got an ID card. Just in case we plan to return. Once we got onto the ship, we all got the windows and waved to the professors.

That night, all of us were back in our rooms. Talking about what we did at the Academy. Of course, Lidwina and Charmaine asked me plenty of questions

.“Anything else”

I sigh to Lidwina’s question,”well there was this Exo who is the security officer. He was quite interesting too. He didnt speak but he was always surprised whenever I smiled at him.” I chuckled once more, remembering those moments.

“Ohhhh....an Exo hmm? Never practically saw one myself.” Charmaine crossed her arms and smirked,”Surprised to see you smile at him? That sounds obvious.”

I then punched Charmaine’s, but not too rough,”Oh no no. It‘s not like that. Honestly. I felt his pain of just being in the background. I wanted to make him to feel like an individual. Exos have a mind of their own after all." But I never told them that Exos were actually once humans.”So I did. By smiling at him and actually paying attention to him.”

Lidwina snickered quietly,”awww how sweet of you. Caring for a robot” To which she earned a pillow hit right in her face.

“Anyhow, we should head to sleep. It’s getting practically late.” I was right somehow. It was almost midnight and we were supposed to wake up early tomorrow. And yes I used this as an excuse to get away from more questions.

Lidwina did the pouty face once more before crossing her arms,”Uh fine. But you better tell us more tomorrow. The whole class.”

Charmaine giggled softly hearing this,”presentation. Goh and those who got names will tell their stories as well.” She lies down on her bed before yawning softly with Lidwina yawning as well.

I lied down on my bed with my head on my pillow and my blanket covering myself. We were all indeed exhausted from going here and there.” Will do. Good night you two.”

“Good night..”

I snapped my fingers as the lights automatically switched off with all of us going into dreamland or just a deep sleep.

To be honest, that Exo was more interesting than I thought. I sure hope I can spend more time with him. Or maybe talk to him to hear his voice.

I’ll definitely won’t miss chance.