#would maria run it with me? i feel certain

[orionshounds]

as a fierce enjoyer of shadow and sonic’s dynamic, i am deeply interested in how things will shake out in sonic 3, mainly because movie sonic is so different to any other iteration of sonic before

i could go on and on about how interesting sonic wachowski is comparatively....most of the time sonic struggles with his close relationships because, while he loves his friends, he struggles with wanting to be free and feeling tied down to them. this sonic yearns for that stability, he WANTS to be tied down to other people, he wants almost desperately to have a stable place to call home. this is a sonic that is tired of running

shadow has always had a clearly defined past. even if theyve never played it, most sonic fans know the plot of sa2 by heart. it is an amazing story and gives a clear framework for shadow’s character. sonic...has never really had this. sure, certain sonics like sonic satam or underground have more specific pasts, but largely sonic’s backstory has always been kinda nebulous and ive always found that fascinating. to me, shadow is interesting because of his past, sonic is interesting because of his lack of one. this is yet another thing the movie “breaks” about sonics character and its what i believe is going to make such an interesting change to sonic and shadows dynamic

sonic understands shadow’s loss

sure other mainline sonics have experienced loss before, but sonic wachowski has a clearly defined backstory in which he lost someone TREMENDOUSLY important to him....not even just important, he lost his family which is kind of shadow’s whole deal

longclaw was murdered, violently. maria was murdered, violently. both of them witnessed their loved ones dying right in front of them. this sonic wont just empathize with shadow, he understands him on a fundamental level.

now, obviously, they will still have a lot of conflict. shadow is going to lash out at the world for his loss and sonic refuses to let anything happen to his new family. but i cant help but wonder if sonic will try reaching out on that personal level, and what shadow’s reaction will be (i imagine he would reject it, saying that sonic could never understand, but he does. he so painfully does).

the movie’s story has set up such a perfect reflection of shadow in sonic that i have never seen before and i CANNOT WAIT to see play out

[screaminglygay]

KINKTOBER day 10

pairing: darkish!marvel ladies x fem!reader, wanda x reader, natasha x reader, kate x reader, yelena x reader, carol x reader, maria x reader

sumarry: you were kiddnapped, but a group of the mightiest herous will save your life and you can´t be more thankful

warnings: kidnapping, guns mentioned, little dark themes, kissing, touching, dirty talk, smut!!!, eating out, nickname "sir", catching somone having sex, voyeurism kinda, slight angst, wanda controlling your mind, and also reading your mind, group sex mentioned, ladies talking about planning on using you, knife play a little, little shitty writting, it takes forever to get into something, oopsies, if anything else - let me know!

word count: 7k

an: our last day! little crazy how time flies, we wont get into it or ill cry, but truly thank you for all the likes, reblogs, shares and comments! im giggling like a little girl, since few of my favs here commented or likes something soooo thank u!!!! sm!

an2: it was fun and chaotic at the same time! i love you all, stay safe and hopefully i wont dip away.:P

(italics = your thoughts)

!MDNI!

Enjoy this last spooky day and be safe!

You couldn´t see anything at all, the only sense you could count on right now is your hearing, which is not much of a helper. All you could hear is the engine running and some soft music playing in the front. 

You try to move, but your hands are tied together and so are your legs, trying to remeber what happened made your head hurt, so you quickly gave up on that.

After what felt like hours the car finally stopped. You open your eyes, but it is still pitch black, even when you hear someone open the doors, there is nothing in your sight. Then it hit you, you´re maybe in a box, that´s why it´s so hot and you can barely breathe here.

Trying to feel where you are is a good start and you were right, you are in a box. 

Someone opens the back of the car, and you feel that you´re finally moving, they put you down, which wasn´t the gentlest way, but since you´re tied up, these people probably don´t care about your well-being. 

"Open it," you hear an old man says. 

"Money first," this is someone else, someone who is standing right next to you, you´re still seeing pitch black and that is the most terrifying out of everything right now. Even if your try to run away, you don´t know where to, there could be fifty other guys standing there, so you´re in really shitty situation.

"No. I need to see if she´s alive and if it´s truly her." It´s the first voice again. 

"She is, now give me the money." 

What the hell is going on? They want my organs? But they wouldn´t want me alive? Or would they? Maybe they need the organs fresh, shit. My organs? 

Your overthinking is making your heart beat faster, than if you would run a marathon now. 

But is it really overthinking if this is the most possible outcome of this... deal? 

"I want to see her. I won´t give you shit, if I´ll found her dead inside the box." The man is clearly mad now. 

You can hear someone else coming, it sounds like a motorcycle. "Oh so you brought backup?" 

"Me? Stop fucking playing around." You can hear that both of them are unease, their voices are filled with anger and it´s just a question of time, when they will explode like a bomb. You´re hoping you won´t be the center of catastrophe. 

The motorcycle stops and you can hear someone re-load a gun. 

A gun?��Holy shit. 

"Oh come on boys? What do you think you´re doing here, hm?" You can hear a woman speaking, her voice has a hint of smokiness and a certain level of strength, making it both captivating and commanding. It's a voice that demands attention and conveys a sense of experience and resilience. You could bet your life that you already heard this voice somewhere. 

You don´t really know what´s goining on, but you feel like they´re just pointing guns at eachother, at least that´s what you´ve imagined.

The lady chuckles. "You are all surronded, nowhere to run, nowhere to hide," it was a quiet for a little bit, after she starts to speak again, "I wouldn´t done that if I was you, see the red dots? Yeah I have backup. And yours? Already arested," she adds. 

Arested? Oh she´s from the police! Police! Yes! 

You can hear how someone is walking closer to you, but from a totally different way then you heard the people talk before. But that is the last think you think of, before you completly pass out. 

... 

Beep, beep, beep. 

Is all you can hear, before you can even open your eyes. You take a few deep breaths and with that, you slowly open them. The light isn´t as sharp as you thought it´s gonna be, so you blink a few times and your already adjusted to being awake.

Looking around give you an answer where you are, the hospital. All of your clothes are on the chair, packed in a plastic bag. So it must have ended good, the lady arested the bad guys and now you´re in the hospital, which isn´t your favorite place, but hey, you could be in a coffin now, so you see it as a win. 

You don´t even feel in pain, maybe you´re head hurt a little bit, but you´re used to it. You slowly trace your hand all over your body, but you think you´re all good. 

A person coming into your room pulls you out of your thoughts, as you look up at them, you notice is The Natasha Romanoff. One of The Avengers. One of the coolest people in the whole world! 

Your eyes widen at her standing next to you with a little smile on her face. "You´re finally awake, how are you feeling?" her voice was so soothing, you feel like she could bring you from dead if that was the case. 

As you observe Natasha´s outfit, you can't help but be drawn to her effortlessly cool and edgy style. She's wearing sleek, form-fitting black pants that hug her curves perfectly, adding a touch of boldness to her overall look. The pants highlight her long, lean legs, accentuating her confidence. Her choice of a white tank top underneath the black leather jacket is simple, it shows you just enough of her abs to let you know, that she could kill with them. 

"I- uh good. Great. Amazing." She chuckles at your answer. 

"So I assume the pills are working." She nods her head and sits on your bed. 

"Meds?" A noticable confusion is written on your face and Natasha speaks right away, to ease your nerves. 

"How much do you remeber, (Y/N)?" Natasha puts her hand on your forehead to check if you have a fever. 

"Um... I remeber being in a box and being scared," Natasha hums, "I also remeber having my hands and legs tied and I- uh remeber and then I just..." you shrug. 

"Okay." She nods again. "You don´t have to worry now, we took care of them and you´re safe." Natasha gives you a smile, that did make you feel way better. You knew she was a badass and pretty too, but in person? 

She´s stunning, how can someone be this perfect? Like it is not fair. 

"Althrough..." she sighs. 

"What? Althrough what?" 

"We´re not sure if they worked alone and knowing your status, we can´t risk you getting hurt again." She adds. 

"My status? I´m sorry, I have zero idea what you´re talking about." If you were confused before, then you don´t know what you are now. 

"Oh, detka. They did numbers on you." You could see the concern in her face. 

Numbers? On me? What?

"You were missing for few months and when me and the rest of the team found you.. you were unconsious. That was 2 weeks ago, we weren´t sure if you´ll wake up. But you did and that´s amazing news, but we need to make sure, that you are safe." Natasha takes your hand in hers. 

After that Natasha left you alone and you were trying to piece the things together, but everytime you tried, you got horrible headache. 

What status? Who- what? 

... 

During the first week, it was only Natasha who came to visit you. Each time you inquired about leaving the hospital room, she staunchly insisted that you should stay and rest. Even though you expressed your boredom and eagerness to step out of the room multiple times, assuring her that you felt better, she stood unwaveringly by her belief that you needed the rest after everything you had been through. 

She visited you everyday and you realized how sweet The Black Widow actually is and how much comfort she brings you in those confusing times. But you couldn´t help, but notice what her slight touches make you feel. Touching your forehead to make sure, you don´t have a fever. Touching your hand to get your attention or just putting your fallen hair behind your ear. 

She brushes your hair every morning, reads to you, she even brought you a coloring book, which always brought you some sense of comfrot. And if Natasha wouldn´t be the one who brought it out, you would completly forget that something as kidnapping has happened to you. 

... 

This morning Natasha is not alone, she softly knocks three times as she did each morning and then slowly walks in with another person behind her. 

"(Y/N), this is-" You cut Natasha off. 

"Wanda Maximoff!" You basically yell. "S-sorry, I just... I know who you are." You sligthly blush at the two women in front of you. 

Wanda chuckles. "That´s me. Pleasure to meet you, (Y/N)." She comes closer and shakes your hand, her hand felt incredibly soft, like a gentle caress of silk against the skin, inviting warmth and comfort. 

"You don´t know what happened to you, but you remeber all of our names?" Natasha laughs as she teases. 

"I mean..." you shrug. "You are The Avnegrs! So of course I know who you are." You look away from Natasha´s gaze. 

"Sorry, that was a stupid joke." Natasha put few fallen pieces behind your ear and smiles at you. 

"No, no. It´s fine, you had a great point there." You smile back at her.  The readhead nods. "I brought Wanda, becuase she will take care of you now, for few days, before the doctors will release you." Nat smiles. 

"Oh really? When I´m going home?" You were so glad you´ll be home soon. 

Wanda just send a quick eyebrow raise to Nat. 

"What?" You look between the two women in the room. 

"Detka, you will be released from the hospital wing, but we still can´t promise there won´t be anyone waiting for you outside, so we decided that you will spend some time here, in the compound." 

"Oh." Natasha´s words caught you off guard as you really don´t know what to feel now. You couldn't help but blush and feel a bit shy as you heard Natasha call you by that nickname, but at the same time her words made you a little sad, you still have to kinda locked up.. 

Wanda notices right away, without having to read your thoughts, that you weren´t really sure about this scenario. "But I promise I´m way more fun, than boring Tasha. We can read, play games and after you´ll be on your legs we can bake, cook, I can teach you how to play guitar and many more exiting things!" You smile, that does sound good, but what about all of your clothes and... other stuff you had to have, before that incident. 

"We can go shopping too!" Natasha sends Wanda a quick glare as a warning. 

"Well... better to be bored than dead, right?" You chuckle, but none of them even smiled at your joke, which was incredibly embarrassing. 

"Don´t joke about that, detka." It was the first time you saw Natasha actually mad. 

... 

You are finally off the hospital wing, Doctor Cho told you that you need to rest and if there is anything wrong, you can call her asap. At the end she is working for the Avengers and getting calls in the middle of the night isn´t something unusual. 

Being a week with Wanda was so fun, she told you all the stories from her life, you watched many sitcoms together and her cooking skills are amazing! Anything she cooked for you, you crave for some more. You´re really positive about her putting some drug in the deserts, because everything was just so good and addicting, it´s not even possible. 

You two also spent hours on online websites shopping, for your new clothes, boots and everything you needed. Wanda payed for everything of course. Even though she told you, "Don´t worry about it," you still feel bad for spending so much of her money. 

You´re currently waiting for Wanda, to walk with you to the main room, for you to meet the rest of the team. You were very nervous, but if Nat and Wanda were so nice to you and made sure you were safe all the time, you believe that the rest of the team is the same. 

"There she is!" Wanda comes to you, hugging you closly. Like any other day, she was warm and you feel even better. 

"Here I am. But I can take it-" You say as Wanda grabs the one plastic bag with your stuff. 

"None of that, malysh. You need to rest." 

"This weights basically zero zero nothing, I could-" You met Wanda´s eyes, "thank you for taking my bag." You smile. 

"That´s what I´ve thought, malyshka." These nicknames will kill you, sooner or later.  The two of you went to the living room, which was a two floors above you. The ride in the elevator was quiet and comfrotable. 

Bing. 

Wanda immedietly links your hands with yours, which you don´t mind it at all, it´s actually calming your nerves and she knows it very well. There is no need to read your mind, your body is speaking for you this time, with your relaxed posture and the little adorable smile on your face. 

"They are nice, but little... hectic and full of energy. If anything, let me know and we can go to the bedroom." Wanda smiles. 

"Thank you, WanWan," you smile back, if her and Nat can give you nicknames, you will think of something too. "I think I can manage, um... will Nat be there?"

Wanda smiles at her new nickname and then shakes her head, "Natasha is coming later tonight, you know, Avengers stuff." You simpy nod. 

You could hear the other teammates right away, but you hear only women´s voices. You were honestly glad. Not like you don´t like the male Avengers, but... they are still males, so you already felt more comfortable knowing there are only bunch of ladies. 

Wanda opens the door for you and walks right behind you. "Ladies, I´d like you to meet someone, someone very special, so please don´t attack her with questions or any other... things." She giggles and you look around and you feel like in a dream. 

Carol Danvers, Kate Bishop, Yelena Belova, and Maria Hill are all seated on a comfortable, oversized sofa, while Wanda still stands beside you. 

"Hai," you whisper as you awkwardly put your hand up in some sort of a wave. 

All you could hear was all sorts of greetings, "Hi! Hello! Oh finally, hey!..." The sudden outpour of warmth takes you by surprise, and you can't help but blush and offer a shy smile in response to their overwhelming hospitality. 

"Easy, ladies!" Wanda quickly says. 

"Move, Maximoff." The Captain Marvel herself says as she stands up. 

"No. All of you are like a bunch of hawks and (Y/N) is tiny, not a chance I will leave her all alone in this." Wanda grips your hand tighter. 

You blush as you look at Carol. 

"Im Carol, nice to meet you, (Y/N)." She smirks at you. 

"I- I know... and you are Maria, Kate, Yelena," you smile as you point at each of them. 

Wanda giggles. "She is our big fan," she explains. 

"Ohh, is she?" Maria finally speak, "do you kow the rest of the ladies?" 

"The rest?" You look at her, not knowing, who is the rest. "You´re living here with everyone? Like everyone? Where are the guys?" you obviously have many question. 

"Most of us do, but sometimes there is a mission of world so-" Carol is cut off by Maria. 

"Don´t start with this bulshit, Danvers. Like you´re something special, just because you can travel to space..." The brown haired girl rolls her eyes. 

"I didn´t say I´m special, you did." Carol winks at her.  Wanda leans closer to you and whisper right into your ear. "This is a daily basis on here, you´ll get used to it," she giggles and so did you. 

"To answer your quiestion fully," Kate clears her throat, "all the ladies live here, all of us got room and it´s just like a never ending sleepover." Kate chuckles, she is probably the same age as you, or little older, which makes you feel better around everyone. 

"And no. There are no guys. Is that a bad thing?" Yelena says without zero emotion in her voice. 

"No! No, no, no! I mean I bet they are great, but I´m into girls. I mean... as a fact, I think you guys," you point at them, "just do it better. Way badass, smarter, faster, everything is just waaay better, you know?" you tried to save youself, but it didn´t work at all. Even Yelena has a slight smirk on her face. 

"You were right, Maximoff. She is cute." Yelena nods towards you and Wanda. 

"So you´re into ladies?" Kate smiles. 

"No, yes. I mean yes, but I didn´t mean it like that in the previous context," you answer her. 

"What was the context then?" Now it was Wanda speaking right into your ear. 

You are quiet for a second and then just shrug, "I guess i didn´t want to talk shit about the male Avengers." you chuckle. 

"Don´t worry, we won´t tell them." Kate laughs. 

"Well... if you know a lots of things about us, isn´t it fair for us to know little something about you too?" Carol sits on a couch next to Maria. 

"Go sit, malysh, I´ll bring you something to drink." Wanda sligtly pushes you towards the couch, when her hand leave your lower back, you already miss her touch. 

You sit between Kate and Carol, while Maria stares at you with a slight smirk. So you quickly look at the youngest Avenger, and you can already tell, that she´s really exited to talk to you and get to know you better. 

You sit nervously between Carol and Kate, feeling a bit overwhelmed by the attention. Carol leans back confidently, a smirk on her face. "So, what's your thing, hobbies, what´s your favorite food?" 

"Um, well, I like uh, reading. And I enjoy cooking as well." 

Kate is like a exited pupppy. "That's cool! Any favorite books? Oh, and, do you have a go-to pizza topping?" 

Wanda comes back with the water and place it on the table, giving Kate a stern look, "easy Bishop," then she sits on the chair right in front of you. 

"I love reading fantasy novels. And, for pizza, I'm a sucker for pepperoni." 

Maria and Yelena, watching you, listen intently, their interest evident in their expressions. 

Carol smiles, "That's awesome. We should have a cooking night together sometime. What do you say?" 

You and Wanda make eye contact "Well... I already planned that with Wanda, so..." 

"Oh really, Maximoff? We´re already calling dibs? That is not fair." Carol rolls her eyes. 

"Or all of us can cook together?" You smile at Carol. 

"Carol in the kitchen is the worst way of dying, so it´s a no for me." Yelena mumbles and leaves the room, Maria following closely behind. "Agreed."

"I can teach you! The simple things are not that hard, right Wanda?" 

The girl infront of you just sighs and nods, "Sadly it´s not." 

"Oh come on, don´t be so harsh on her, I bet it´s not that terrible... right?" You feel more and more comfortable with all the ladies around you. 

... 

"It´s not that terrible, right?" Wanda mocks you as you see flour flying, ingredients get mixed up, and the result is far from what the recipe intended. 

Wanda and Kate exchange amused glances, but they both maintain their composure, trying not to laugh. You, though, can't help but chuckle, as you didn't expect this level of chaos in the kitchen. 

Carol, with a sheepish grin, looks at her culinary creation. "I promise, I'm better at saving the world than making food." 

"You better be, Danvers." Wanda smirks as she smacks her dirty hand on Carol´s ass, leaving a white mark on her black sweatpants. 

"Oh you´re so in, Maximoff!" Carol turns around and runs for her, to get her revange. 

You and Kate burst into laughter, all in good spirits. Despite the kitchen disaster, the shared experience brings the group closer together. 

You jump on the messy kitchen counter, smiling from ear to ear. "That was... fun." 

Kate nods and turns to look at you, "yup." She moves closer to you and touch your nose with her finger from... butter? You guess. "But at least now you see why is Wanda doing all the cooking. Sometimes Nat, but mostly our witchy." Kate is being very close to you know, her hands resting on your thighs. 

"Fair point." You look down and blush, "maybe we should start cleaning?" 

Kate shakes her head, "Wanda does a little poof and everything is clean, don´t worry about that." 

"If Wanda survives." You point out. 

"True." Kate chuckles. 

"You have very blue eyes." You don´t know where this comment came from. 

"I do, yeah. And you have very y/e/c eyes, (Y/N)." Kate is now whispering. 

Nodding your head seem like the only good idea, since you don´t trust your voice at the moment. 

"Would you like me to show you around and maybe later show you my room?" Kate asks, while staring at you. 

"Oh are you flirting, Kate Bishop?" You roll your eyes at her. 

She tilts her head, "what? You have such a dirty mind, miss (Y/N). I am not flirting with you, you would notice if I would." She squeezes your thighs and step away from you, "you going or what?" She smirks at you. 

And with the most dramatic groan you jump off the counter and follow her through the compound. 

... 

After Kate showed you around, you were positive that you need a map, because there is no way you would remeber all the catacombs and shortcuts. No way. 

And final stop, Kate´s floor. Warm, soft light streams into the room from a string of fairy lights above the windows, creating a cosy atmosphere. In one corner, a leather chair and a sleek, modern desk scattered with papers from her most recent missions indicate her dedication as a superhero. A collection of classic bass guitars in another corner, all neatly organized. Her two worlds—the life of an skilled archer and the spirit of adventure of a young hero—combine in balance in the room. 

"Oh my god- it´s so cozy in here!" You smile as you look around, seeing all the bows and special arrows on the wall. "Wow," you mumble as your hand wants to touch her black bow with silver ornaments on it, "may I?" 

"Go ahead, I don´t use these." She smiles. 

Your finger traces those shapes up and down, but your attention switches into something else, many pictures on the wall made you giggle out loud, "No way! You have Halloween nights here?!" You look at a few pictures on the wall, but one catches your eye right away.  

As you gaze at the Halloween picture, you can't help but smile at the fun and creativity captured in the snapshot. In the center, Kate Bishop stands proudly, dressed as a demon, her costume is complete with horns, pitchfork, and an impish grin that perfectly matches her cocky spirit. 

To her left, Maria Hill is a regal Queen of Hearts, her costume rich in detail, from the heart-adorned scepter to the ornate, card-themed headdress, giving her an air of authority with a playful twist. That she has even without this costume. 

Beside Maria, Natasha Romanoff stands as the Queen of Spades, her costume exuding an air of confidence. Her attire is a perfect blend of elegance and danger, with a spade symbol adorning her crown. And of course, her one and only iconic smirk. 

Wanda Maximoff, on the other hand, adds a touch of the Wild West to the group as she confidently portrays a cowboy. Her fringe-trimmed jacket, wide-brimmed hat, and toy six-shooter holster create a vibrant, yee-haw Western charm. 

Carol Danvers, in contrast, takes on a divine role, embodying a goddess with her shimmering costume and ethereal accessories. Around her waist, a gilded belt cinches the gown, emphasizing her muscle figure. It is adorned with intricate patterns and symbols that hint at ancient mysticism. Her accessories are no less impressive – a tiara with sparkling gemstones graces her brow, and her wrist cuffs shimmer with a radiant energy. 

Finally, Yelena Belova channels her inner child (kinda) as she steps into the shoes of Lara Croft. Her outfit mimics the iconic video game character's attire, complete with dual holstered pistols, a utility belt. 

"You thought we´re boring or what?" Kate walks up behind you.

"A little bit." You admit, "but this looks so fun! I´m quite upset I´ve missed that." 

"Don´t worry, you´ll get an opportunity. But I´ll bite, what would you dress up as?" Kate voice sending shivers down your spine. 

"Hm..." you turn around, "I take Halloween very seriously, so..." you try to think. "Well since Wanda was a cowboy, I would go as a reversed cowboy. You know, put a little UNO reverse card on my head. It´s funny and also good effort." You giggle. 

"Oh, sweet sweet (Y/N), you´re wilder than I thought," Kate chuckles, "I like that idea, now I´m quite upset too, you would be such a fun to our little party." She winks. 

You´re stomach feels like it´s filled with butterflies, that are trying to get into your whole body. 

"You feel my flirting, huh?" Kate smirks again. 

"Oh shush, I don´t want to boost your ego." You want to turn around, but Kate grabs you by your waist. 

"You don´t need to, pretty girl." 

"Kate..." You´re glancing at her lips, then back into her blue eyes and then back on her lips. 

"Hm?" Kate knows and you know that she knows and that makes you even more frustrated. 

"I- I don´t know what to s-" you barely whisper. 

"Then don´t say anything, I´ve got you. It´s all good, you´re safe with me here, okay?" Kate whispers and with you nodding your head, Kate leans in and your lips connect. Her lips are incredibly soft. Second ego, you were shy around the archer, but now, you want more, you crave more. She´s holding your hips, her strong grip making you feel secured and that´s all it matters now. 

As you found yourself captivated by the enchanting presence of the Bishop girl, it was a moment of shared intimacy, and none among you were present enough to recognize the subtle observe of the Witch and Captain. The door had been unintentionally left ajar, providing an unanticipated point for the two observers. From their concealed perch, they had a front-row seat to the scene. This unintentional voyeurism presented a silent spectacle that would be etched in the memory of all involved, forever preserving that delicate moment. 

"Really? Bishop is the first one?" Carol whispers, and Wanda gazes at her with a mix of understanding and frustration. She senses the storm in Carol, and it resonates with her because she feels the same emotions. Deep inside, Wanda hoped she would be the first to share that intimate moment with you. She had been so close, with Natasha temporarily away, but fate had other plans, and Kate Bishop claimed the coveted position first.

"Look, Carol, she´s really into it." Wanda´s jealous thought disappears, as she sees you pulling Kate closer and slightly biting her lip. 

"How many weeks did Natasha said to wait? 8-9? And we will discuss it? I knew it was bulshit." Carol chuckles. 

Wanda smirks and takes a picture of you and Kate making out, sending it straight to Natasha, with a message on it 'What if our new plaything is not waiting?' 

After literally 5 seconds, Wanda´s phone lit up with a new message from Natasha, 'omw.' 

... 

After your pretty heavy make out session with Kate, everything was different around the compound. Kate was by your side almost every minute and the other girls were as well. Everyone but Natasha. You didn't know if you did something wrong or if she had just a lot of avenger's work, but you wanted her attention. 

“I wouldn't go there, right now.” Maria says as she somehow appears right behind you. 

You were just about to knock on Natasha´s door to her office. Due to Maria, you pull your hand away, “why?” 

“She´s just not in the right mood now.” The agent explains. 

“Well, me neither, so-” you turn around and knock three times. 

“You´re really stubborn, huh?” Maria chuckles and turns around, walking away. 

“I already told you that I don´t have the time for your-” you hear behind the door, until the door opened, “oh, it´s you.” Natasha´s voice went from raspy angry spy to nice Natty, who used to brush your hair every morning, when you have been in the hospital wing. 

“It´s me.” You smile a little and without another word you step inside her office. 

Natasha watches you; she tilts her head waiting for your next move. 

“I kinda invited myself, sorry. But I have a question.” You give her office a quick glance, nothing original, just a big modern office, with lots of paperwork everywhere.  

The view is special though, you can take in the lush expanse of the garden, every detail from the blooming flowers to the trees. And beyond the garden's beauty, the panorama stretches out to reveal the entire cityscape. Skyscrapers rise majestically, their windows reflecting the sunlight, while the urban landscape sprawls in all directions.    “I´m listening.” The redhead closes the door. 

“Did I do something wrong? Or... like why don’t we talk anymore? You barely look at me when you come into the room, I just- did I do something wrong? I know you have a lot of work because the people who tried to... you know, but uh- like what's going on, Natty?” The nickname slips out and you don’t even notice, but Natasha did, she always notices those small details. 

You can hear her sigh, that´s never a good sign. 

Shit. 

“Detka, sit.” She nods towards the chair in her office, and you quickly did so. “It´s not like I don’t want to talk to you, I do. But I just thought that you´re already taken and I do not mess into someone else's business.” That was a lie, another one, that you can´t catch on. 

“What do you mean?” You quickly mumble, feeling like a kid who did something bad, since Natasha is standing above you now. 

“You and Kate.”  

“We- we uh are not dating, if that’s what you're asking.” You blush. 

“I'm not asking, (Y/N). But I would appreciate if next time you would be honest with me.” Natasha turns around. 

“But I am! We are not dating, we- are just friends.”  

“Friends?” Natasha turns back to face you, looking down at her phone scrolling, trying to find a picture that Wanda send to her. “Is this what friends do?”  

Shit, where did she get the picture?! 

“I-” you can't find any words that would help. You feel horrible, even though you didn’t do anything wrong, or did you? 

“I need to work now, to keep you safe, remember? So... if that´s all, see you at dinner.” Natasha looks sad, incredibly sad in fact. She opens the door for you and without anything else you leave. 

After few minutes of standing behind Natasha´s door, you decided that you need to blow off some steam and the Avengers compound has everything, so some boxing and sauna after don´t sound like a bad idea at all. Even though you had a boxing class like once in your life, you´ll manage, at least that´s what you hope. 

… 

It was not actually that bad, you feel exhausted, but also little better, hoping that sauna will do the rest of the magic.  

What you didn’t know is that you're not the only one craving to ease your nerves there. 

As you open the door you see quite a pleasing sign in front of you, Carol Danvers eating out Wanda right in the sauna, where you wanted to rest. You are like a deer caught in the lights, before you can say anything, the witch notices you and smirk. 

“We have an audience, Captain,” she whispers between her moans. 

Carol turns her head, and her eyes meet yours, “wanna join?” the blonde one chuckles as Wanda slaps her hand playfully. 

You don´t answer, you´re too occupied staring at Carol´s well-defined arms, you can see her veins, which switch something inside you. 

“Earth to (Y/N),” Wanda chuckles, “would you like to finish me, malyska?” 

“N-no, sorry! Shit! I didn´t know that- you uh- it will be occupied!” and with that you run away. 

“She was staring at you.” 

“She was basically drooling.”  

“Oh please! Don't let it get to your head! 

“Do you want to cum or not?” 

“Yes, captain.” 

“Then shut your pretty mouth.” Carol smirks as she dives back into the witch´s sensitive spot. 

… 

“I didn’t know Carol and Wanda are dating,” you sip from your newly opened water bottle. 

“Um... they are not.” Kate looks at you. 

“I´m pretty sure they are,” small giggle is escaping your mouth. 

“How so?” The taller girl tilts her head, “I´ll bite.” 

“I found them in the sauna together!” You look at Kate, “and they were... you know...” 

“Naked? Well that´s usually the scenario in the sauna, (Y/N).” She laughs. 

“I mean yeah they were naked, but they were... being close, intimate!” 

Kate is obviously not catching what you're trying to say. 

“They were fucking, Bishop.” Yelena says as she enters the kitchen. “Carol has pretty high sex drive since she´s ‘off planet’ most of the time.”  

“Oooh!” Kate says as she understands you now, but she does not look shocked. 

“So, they are like friends with benefits kind of a thing?”  

“If you want to label it, then I guess.” Yelena shrugs and you blush, imagining what you have seen earlier. 

Carol and Wanda then enter the kitchen as well, you don´t dare to look into their eyes, but you can feel that they are staring at you. You can bet anything in the world that they are also smirking. “What´s for dinner? I'm kinda hungry.” Captain Carol says. 

“You´ve just ate, Danvers!” Kate says it in a teasing way, which makes Wanda giggle and Yelena smirk. 

“But I would still eat some more, what do you say Bishop, you up for it?” the blonde one tilts her head. But even the chuckle she lets out sounds like she means it. 

You are too stunned to speak or even move a little. You see Natasha and Maria coming to the kitchen as well, hoping one of them will save you from blushing and slowly melting away. The trained spy notices your shy behavior right away. “What did you do to our little one?”  

It´s like she pushes the small ‘argument’ you had away when she sees you struggling.  

“Nothing!” Wanda says. 

“Yet.” Carol ads. 

“She just caught Danvers and Maximoff fucking in the sauna.” Yelena explains. 

You instantly want to leave the room, not that you would be uncomfortable, but you can feel yourself getting too excited, just being with these women in one room is too much to handle, talking about sex? Seeing them have sex? You´re questioning how are you still alive. 

“Detka...” Natasha starts, all eyes are on you right now. 

“Hm?” Is all you can menage to let out, hoping it would satisfy all of them, but you´re wrong, shockingly, right? The Black Widow clears her throat, and your body automatically makes you look up at her. “I didn´t meant to, I just... wanted to use the sauna and Carol with Wanda were just there um-”  

“If I clearly remember Wanda and I were both inviting you, so I don’t see the issue here.” Carol smirks at Wanda. 

You bite the inside of your cheeks, hoping it will calm you down. 

“There was a moment that I thought you would join us, malysh. And I think that you do too, am I right?” The witch knows exactly what your thoughts were about, she´s pushing you to just admit it. 

“Um- no! No, not at all. No. I was- definitely not.” you shake your head more than you should, but you can´t help it. Trying to make it more believable, but you're failing, miserably. “Not that I think you don´t look great, you do! Your bodies were- are phenomenal! But uh-” 

You are cut off by Wanda slapping Carols hand, “I told you she was staring.” 

“And I told you, she was drooling,” Carol sends you a wink and you quickly look away from her. 

“Okay, ladies. Give her a second and you,” Natasha locks eyes with you, “how about we move to couch, you will sit down and take a few deep breaths, alright detka?” The redhead smiles at you as her soft hand touches you, leading you to the living room. You can just nod, but you're happy, because Natasha doesn’t look mad or upset anymore, actually there is this look in her eyes, you can´t quite point a finger what it means, but her eyes kind of shifted somehow. 

After a few minutes of Natasha saying sweet nothings, you calm down a bit, she whispers, “It´s okay to look, you know. No need to feel shy about it. Honestly, we all do appreciate a good compliment, especially from a pretty girl like you, (Y/N).” And there it is again; your cheeks are flushed, and your heart is beating fast again. 

“How about we all help? To make you feel better, that is what you want right?” Wanda comes in, her hands slowly massaging your stiff shoulders.  

“I- I don’t want to bother you, or like-” you stutter out, your mind being a little fuzzy, you just feel tingles all around you, in you, everywhere. 

“Shhh, we promised we will help you out, so just let us.” Wanda whispers in your ear. 

“Or not and we will find our way.” Maria finally speaks. “Besides, it would not be fair, Kate already had her time with you, and we all are good friends, we share things. That´s just how it works here.”  

You look at Kate, who's now standing in front of you, looking down at you with a smile on her face, that is telling you, that she does not have any regrets of throwing you into the cage full of hungry tigers. Infact, she looks like a kid on a Christmas Eve. Suddenly, your mind is craving any touch. 

What's going on? 

‘You want this, shhh, you´re safe. Everything is okay. Just enjoy this.’ 

I want this. So much. 

‘That is right, malyshka.’ 

Wanda nods, giving a signal to the rest of the girls. Kate immediately knowing what to do, she basically sprints out of the room to get some stuff from the ‘Avengers special room’, it´s not even a minute and she's back with some ropes, wand, few straps, and handcuffs.  

It´s your first time with them, so they don’t want to overstimulate you that much. Other toys for other days. 

Maria takes the ropes and starts to tie your hands together, putting them above your head, “Keep them there.”  

“Yes, -” you stop yourself and Maria raises her eyebrow, she knows that you wanted to use your manners and address her by a title, but your little messy head does not know which one to use. 

“Sir.” She smirks and you nod a little. 

“Yes, sir,” you give her a little smile, it makes so much sense, that this is her title. 

“Already being so good?” Natasha kisses your forehead, going to the kitchen and making sure she's putting the phone in a good place for the perfect angle of her little movie. 

Lots of things are happening and you feel people touching you all over your body. Hill finishes tying your hands together and she comes to Natasha, both of them are saying something, but you can't hear at all. Your attention is now on Wanda and Kate, they are slowly tying your legs together, is hot, but adorable at the same time as the witch is teaching the young archer how to do the perfect knot. 

Carol is already without her clothes, having only a big strap on herself as she is adjusting the harness and even though you saw her naked already, you don’t think you could get enough of her. 

Suddenly there are some lips on yours, when they pull away, you notice it´s Yelena, you smile at her instinctively. She is a bit harsh, but you actually like it that way, and both of you know it. “Have fun, when you´re done here, come to my room. Understood?” 

You nod, again, “Understood, yes,” you whisper. 

Yelena just smiles a little, and slaps your cheek, which caught you off guard, but it sends shivers down your body, making your pussy even more wet. You´re positive that you´re already making so much mess. 

Carol finally comes to you and picks you up, without a word she places you on the table in the living room, making you the center of attention. But you don’t want her to let go of you, she's so warm and her strong embrace is making you feel like the most secured person in the entire milky way.  

“Don´t worry, malysh. Captain is very cuddly after sex.” Wanda sends you a wink as her and Kate finishes the tight knots on your legs. 

Natasha comes with a knife in her hand, slowly cutting through your clothes and with a slight smirk she says with such a rasp in her voice, “who wants to go first?” 

THANK YOU FOR READING! 💕💕💕

This went totally different way than I wanted to, but hey, here we are :p

[punkshort]

Welcome to Shortie's Joel Miller masterlist! Below is a mix of pre and post outbreak stories, most are 18+. Thank you for reading❤️

The Way We Were [complete]: You worked for Joel and Tommy a few months before the outbreak. When the outbreak happens, you and Joel get stuck traveling the country and keeping each other safe. Neither of you spoke about the feelings you had for one another pre-outbreak, and in a post-apocalyptic world, it seems like survival should be your only focus. But feelings can't be ignored forever.

Look What We've Become [complete - sequel to TWWW]: You are tasked with taking a young girl back to her family while trying to salvage your relationship with Joel after certain events cause the biggest strain either of you have ever had to face.

I'll Be Home for Christmas [on-going]: Having just caught your fiancé cheating on you, you decide to come back home from the big city to Austin for the month of December to try to figure out your next step. You had no idea you would be getting more than you bargained for with the handsome single dad who built your parents' house.

Somewhere to Run [complete]: You move to a small town in the middle of Texas to escape your past and start over. You don't expect to fall for the town's handsome sheriff.

I Know Who You Are [complete]: A fall on patrol causes you to lose your long term memory, forgetting the identities of your friends and loved ones. You have to learn all over again how to survive in a post-apocalyptic world, and you learn things about yourself along the way.

Roommates [complete]: Your roommate, Maria, introduces you to her boyfriend's brother. You hit it off immediately, but when you find out the true nature of his profession, you both decide to remain just friends. But once the four of you eventually move in together, things get... complicated.

Swept Away [complete]: Detached, closed off, and hardened by failed relationships (romantic and otherwise), hotel mogul Joel Miller is looking to expand his empire to an exclusive tropical island off the coast of Fiji. The problem is, he's not the only one looking to stake his claim in the tropics. The owner of the island, a family man first and foremost, invites all the bidders to the island for a month long retreat to help him decide which mogul will be crowned the winner. And to make himself look more appealing, Joel hires you to accompany him as his significant other. But it's strictly business... right?

I hate when you're right: After a heated argument with Joel, you finally convince him to leave Jackson so you could explore a store for new clothes, and what happens could change your life forever.

Have a Good Night: Every week like clockwork, the same devastatingly handsome man comes into the grocery store where you work to buy flowers. It's not until he asks you out when you realize the flowers aren't for his wife or girlfriend.

Night Shift: It was a relatively quiet night in the emergency room until a handsome contractor gets admitted and adds some excitement to your life.

Hard to Handle: One year after Joel cheats on you and gets someone else pregnant, you run into him for the first time.

Five Senses: You catch Joel sneaking off to do something in the middle of the night and curiosity gets the best of you.

A Deeper Purpose: Living in Jackson during the apocalypse doesn't do anything to curb your desire to have a child. The problem is, most of the men in town are unavailable... except for one.

-> Love at First Sight: Joel helps you through your delivery.

-> A Deeper Meaning: Now that your daughter is born, Joel is itching for another but you are still feeling a little discouraged with the way your body looks. He quickly puts an end to those feelings.

Come Fly with Me: You and Joel have fun in the cockpit.

Something Unexpected: It's been ten years since you lived in Texas, and of course the first week back, you run into a familiar face from your past.

First Impressions: When your heater breaks in the dead of winter, you get more than you bargained for when Joel Miller arrives to fix it.

Flinched: The day after Sarah died, he flinched.

[e-vay]

See, with this newly revealed information for Sage and Aurora's friendship, love it btw, how did Shadow and Aurora's first date go? Who asked who? Where did they go?

I'm so happy to hear you're a fan of the Luminescent Ladies! 🤩 The first date was very casual, but a hit! Shadow is the one who asks Aurora out and they go to a café and end up spending hours together.

Since I've never fully written out the full Shadora story, bits and pieces of it exist here on my blog but sometimes the details change. But here's a very rough version of how I envision their first date going:

(If you're familiar with my story, you can skip the text in blue)

Shadow has spent the last several decades taking odd merc jobs in deep space in the hopes that he'll run into the woman he fell for years ago, but he never finds her. Rouge eventually convinces him to head back "home," and since he's never failed a goal before he decides he has to replace it with a new one: Get to know and enjoy the planet Maria always wanted to visit. So he heads back and that's where he meets Aurora (she does not know him yet, as she meets him later in her life via time travel). He's pretty certain Aurora is the woman who saved him years ago, but since she doesn't seem to know him he thinks maybe she's been reincarnated or something, he isn't sure. He wants to know her better and find out.

Since Shadow's new goal is to better acquaint himself with the planet he abandoned decades ago and since Aurora knows her hometown like the back of her hand, the two decide that she will be his guide (his 'guiding light' if you will 😉 ) around town. (Shadow doesn't need one. He's the ultimate life form; he's plenty fine exploring on his own. But he considers this an opportunity to do some recon to get to know her better). It mostly starts fairly professional even though Aurora does flirt with him a lot (she can't help it, just look at him!) but Shadow quickly becomes fond of her, and he decides he wants to pursue her romantically.

As they are going to bid each other goodbye after one of their tours, Shadow asks "You have a recommendation for every kind of activity in this town, correct?"

A: "Yeah! What is it you're looking for next?"

Sh: "Something... romantic, but humble. Where one might go for a first date."

And at first Aurora is internally thinking "Dang, so he is interested in somebody." But she dismisses that thought because it's none of her business who Shadow spends his time with.

She's gotten to know him a bit by now so as she's pondering ideas she's taking into consideration that he doesn't like loud, busy scenes and would likely enjoy somewhere more intimate, and she remembers him mentioning that he likes coffee. So she suggests this quaint little café that's on the edge of town.

He says "Very well" and surprises her by taking her hand and asking "Would you accompany me there tomorrow afternoon?"

She's shocked but enthusiastically agrees. He offers to "pick her up" at her house so they can go together, but since even as an adult Aurora still lives at home with her parents, she knows that if Sonic answers the door he will be very wary and likely follow them to see what's going on. She doesn't want the date to go awry before it's even happened lol So she convinces Shadow that she'll just meet him at the café.

Aurora is VERY nervous as she has basically no experience dating. She's only had a "boyfriend" once when she was a very little kid and that was really more of just a crush when she was too young to be dating anyway. She also has no idea why Shadow would be interested in her because she thinks she's pretty boring compared to him. (She even briefly thinks "Oh no, what if this is a prank!?")

But upon meeting him at the café he makes it very clear this is a date, bringing her flowers and being a real gentleman by getting her chair for her and all that jazz. Initially she is super self-conscious but Shadow quickly makes her feel really giddy (Ex: SH: "Wow, you look-" A: "Too bright?! I can tone it down! I just have to bend the light to make my clothes darker-" SH: "I was going to say 'lovely'. Please, don't dull your light for me." A: *Can't help but glow more*)

She very quickly gets swept off her feet haha.

They end up losing track of time and even continue to hang out on the outdoor patio after the place has closed and enjoy the sunset together. Before he gets the chance, Aurora over-enthusiastically asks if Shadow would like to have a second date with her and he warmly says yes.

-----

For the record, I'm always open to y'all's ideas of how Shadow and Aurora's first date would go down. If you want to write your own version of their date and it's completely different, I'd still love to read it :)

[hiddenzev]

Second Confession: Part 3

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Chapter Summary: The aftermath of the confession

Chapter Warnings - Angst, One-sided love, Unrequited Love, Idiots in Love, (let me know if i missed anything)

WC: 5.4K

series masterlist , AO3

A/N: Sorry for the late update, something terrible happened during the week which put me out of the writing momentum I was in. Love all the comments that you guys left and I appreciate it a lot. Hope yall love this chapter as well because I don't know how to feel about it really because my imagination just runs wild sometimes and it kinda went off the rails here. Thank you! <3

You slam the door to your house shut and went up to your bedroom. You throw yourself on the bed and bury your face in the pillow, crying your eyes out. His words are replaying in your head.

“Without them, you’re just another person in Jackson that I don’t give a fuck about”

“We’re in the apocalypse and you’re out here telling me about your little crush on me”

“I thought you’re better than this”

You didn’t expect for it to be this painful. You were up all night tossing and turning in your bed, replaying the whole scene in your head. Not only that, you don’t know how to face him after this. It’s going to be real awkward from here on out. The depressing night ended with you falling asleep for only 2 hours after all that crying.

Awkward tension filled the breakfast table the next day. Only sound of chewing and the utensils hitting the plates can be heard. It’s obvious that you had a rough night. You woke up with swollen eyes and dried tears all over your face. You were so emotionally wrecked and you were conflicted whether to show up for breakfast or not. However, your pride does not allow you to miss the breakfast and allow Joel to think that he got the best of you. You did not expect to yearn for sunglasses so much in the apocalypse.

Ellie had been glancing at you since you sat down at the table. You had your hair covering half of your face to hide your red swollen eyes. She looks over to Tommy and Maria to see whether they will say anything about it but they are clearly giving you some space and time if you needed to talk about it yourself. Ellie couldn’t handle it anymore as expected from her impatience.

“Have you been crying?” She genuinely asks you.

You know she meant well and she didn’t know what happened last night but you just wished that she would not bring it up at the table. You see a glimpse of Joel out of the corner of your eyes turning his head slowly to look at you. You tried to hide more of your face by staring down at your food.

“No. Just had an allergic reaction this morning, It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” You said in a calm tone to hide your embarrassment.

“Oh, I didn’t know you have an allergy,” she asks curiously.

“Yeah I have a dust allergy, it’s minor, really, that’s why I didn’t bother telling anyone about it,” you do actually have the allergy but you just lied to cover up the real reason you have those eyes during breakfast.

Everyone just quietly finish their breakfast after that before parting ways for their own respective duties. You can tell from their concerned faces that they wanted to talk more with you but they let it go for now. Luckily for you, you didn’t have to face Joel for any of the duties that day. You take that opportunity to distract yourself with your duties to ensure that your thoughts are more rational and that you are not high on emotions like before.

For the next couple of days, you focus on doing the things you like so that your thoughts don’t stray away to Joel. You catch up on reading again which you have stopped for a few weeks prior due to your overwhelming thoughts of Joel. You busied yourself with more chores and did extra hours of shift duties. Certain things in your house reminds you of him like your wood carvings and your collection of items that you saved for him. You put those away out of your sight to help you out.

You try to tune out the sound of the guitar when he’s playing it which strangely, he’s been playing it every night recently and for much longer than usual. It makes you fall asleep peacefully with thoughts of him before you close your eyes and even after you wake up in the morning. It’s difficult to just stop thinking about someone that you were so obsessed about for a long time but you hope it will go away gradually as time passes by.

Eventually, everyone in the circle (basically just Tommy, Ellie and Maria) knew about what happened. They knew something was up when your eyes don’t light up as it used to when Joel is mentioned. Also, you can’t lie for shit. You were awkward and stuttering when they ask you about Joel.

You told them everything that happened that night as best as you could remember. Your good heart tried to defend some of what Joel said that you thought were true and they scolded you for it saying you must have lost your mind. Yes, he could be nicer to you but you can’t deny that you took that risk knowing he’s going to be mean. But whatever. You can’t change what happened. Needless to say, they were so mad at Joel for how he had rejected you. They don’t blame him for not reciprocating your feelings but they were hoping he could be gentle about it. You don’t know if they confronted him after that and you couldn’t care less at that time.

The day that you are dreading has come to haunt you. It’s patrol day with the person that broke your heart. You wake up earlier than your usual patrol day to ready yourself to spend almost half of the day with Joel since that painful conversation. You remind yourself to stay strong and just focus on the important tasks that you need to do. You don’t want to be weak in front of him and give him the upper hand.

The time comes for you to make your way to the ranch. You lock your door and as usual, has to walk down the street, passing by Joel’s house. What you didn’t expect is to see him getting out of the house as you pass by. He would have already been at the ranch by now normally. You are slightly annoyed and panicking knowing he’s going to be walking behind you this morning. You don’t like that he’s going to be eyeing you and you don’t want to know what he’s thinking about.

Usually the quiet streets in the early morning is very serene to you but now it's torturing to be able to hear his footsteps faintly behind you. You walk slightly faster than usual to quickly end this misery. Thankfully, you reach the ranch with no complications. You quickly busy yourself with checking your horse and make sure everything is set and ready to go. You barely look at Joel to see what he is up to until the both of you make your way to the gates.

He's leading the way as always and he looks back at you to see if you're ready to go. You stare at him with a cold look in your eyes before giving him a stiff nod reluctantly. His eyes linger on your face before he turns to ride out of the gates.

The tension is the same as the first patrol with him or maybe even higher. The other patrols after the first, were full of you rambling and cracking jokes to fill the silence with him giving you an annoyed look. Different than those days, you do not bother to ease the tension.

The landscape is bathing in the warm glow of the rising sun. The rich scent of nature surrounding the both of you hits you strongly. Unlike the relationship between you and Joel, the sounds of nature are peaceful and has a harmonious symphony.

Joel who is leading the way, steals some glances at you time to time. You try not to be affected by it.

“We’ll stop by the cabin soon.” He states in his husky voice without looking back at you.

You do not reply to what he said knowing there’s no use of it. After a short travel, the cabin comes to sight in a distance. Both of you get off of the horses and check the surroundings before tying the horses to a nearby, sturdy tree. You follow Joel to get in the cabin. Both of you check everything that is needed to be checked before agreeing to have a short break.

You sit at one end of the sofa while Joel sits at the other end. You take out the lunch and drink that you packed from your bag. You fill up your stomach as you lean back on the sofa. Joel eats his sandwich in silence with his arms on his knees. Halfway through your meal, he speaks unexpectedly surprising you.

“Did you have a good sleep?” He asks while chewing on his food.

You turned your head to look at him, not believing what you just heard. He don’t make small talk at all, not once to you, so you are wondering why he’s acting like this all of a sudden.

“Yeah.” You replied him with a questioning tone, not used to him asking you something personal.

He keeps his eyes on the sandwich he’s holding and nods his head after hearing what you said. You take this chance to see whether he will answer you.

“How about you?” You mumble in a low voice, not sure how he would respond.

“Not bad.” He murmurs, still eating his food.

You stare at him for a moment, taking in this rare moment of him being somewhat calm with you. With his patchy salt and pepper beard, a nose that you believe to be specifically sculpted by God, curls that makes you want to tangle your hands in, it makes the walls that you built for the past couple of days to crumble down just by looking at him. It’s so unfair that you still have a soft spot for him in your heart and you’re afraid that any little thing that he do will make you forgive him.

You finishes your meal and lean your head back on the sofa, staring at the ceiling. You hear the sound of him storing his food back into his bag before you feel him move slightly through the sofa. In the meantime, you just study the ceiling while everything else just fades in the background. You find the room is silent after getting out of the trance that you were in.

You look to your side to see Joel is staring at you. Has he been staring at you the whole time? Your eyes connect for a few seconds before he look down at his hands. Your heart stupidly starts to beat faster knowing he was staring at you intently. Your body betrays you by blushing a little from his gaze.

He licks his lips nervously while looking everywhere else but you. You sit up feeling the nervousness that he is portraying. You look at him waiting as he seems to want to say something.

“Umm…about what you said the other night…” he fiddles with his hands nervously.

He is having trouble to say what he wants and keeps glancing around. You try to save him the trouble by speaking up, wanting to get over this awkward conversation.

“It’s fine. Just forget about it. If it makes you uncomfortable, let’s just pretend that never happened.” You suggests while looking out the window, away from Joel’s side. It hurts a little for you to say that but you think it’s better this way.

You stands up to dust off your pants before picking up your bag to get out of the cabin and continue your shift duty.

“Let’s go.” You said coldly, making your way out to the horses.

Joel just observes you from a distance with pressed lips and doesn’t say anything to object what you have just said. He ponders for awhile before joining you. You carry on the patrol with much more focus and not bring up any personal topic to him.

Needless to say, the patrol ended with no complications and you did so much better than you expected. At least, you don’t think you made yourself look like a fool still wanting him. Thankfully, he didn’t talk about it after that as well.

After the patrol, Joel is at Tipsy Bison, sitting alone at a booth in the corner. He observes everyone in the bar just having a good time. There are a few couples in there swaying along to the music at the opposite end of the bar. The way they look at each other with so much love in their eyes makes Joel feel envious of them. He does not think that anyone would look at him that way in the apocalypse. He does not think that he deserves it after everything that he’s been through.

That is why when you confessed to him that night, he was taken aback and pushed you away because he doesn’t believe that you knew him enough to truly like him for who he is. He also doesn’t think of you more than an acquaintance of Tommy and Ellie. To hear your confession, altered his brain completely. He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to be feeling.

As he is thinking about you, Tommy comes into the bar and looks for Joel. He makes his way to him after spotting him in his usual corner. Tommy slides into the booth on the opposite side of Joel.

“She’s not coming. Said she wants to be alone for tonight.” Tommy sighs heavily, leaning back while scrutinizing Joel.

Joel just gives a short grunt in reply while munching on some nuts on the table. Tommy hesitantly brings up what’s happening between you and him and leans forward on the table.

“Are you really gonna keep this up with her?” Tommy asks Joel, eyebrows scrunching.

“Keep what up?” Joel looks up at Tommy with a huge frown on his face.

“Well you know, being an asshole,” Tommy added.

“You think I’m supposed to accept her or something?” Joel staring at Tommy with questioning look on his face.

Tommy just shrugs casually.

“That’s ridiculous. I don’t have feelings for her at all and you, of all people should know that I’m not looking for anything in this fucked up world.” Joel gives his reason to Tommy. He’s tired of explaining himself to his brother.

“I get it but you could have let her down gently instead of being rude to her.” Tommy countered with a dull look at his face.

He’s angry to see you heartbroken by his cold hearted brother. He cherish you a lot as a friend and wants the best for you. He can’t help it that you fell for his brother that doesn’t see love as the way you do.

Joel has nothing to say to that. He agrees that he was mean to you. He was not thinking straight at that time and was overwhelmed with so much feelings that he don’t understand. He did reflected on his words and actions after that and it was bothering him still.

“She was not even expecting anything from you but to just listen to what she had to say,” Tommy continues to explain your intention.

“What good does that do to me?” Joel answers with irritation.

Tommy shakes his head slowly before talking again.

“She genuinely cares about you, brother.” He said with a low voice, his eyes not wavering while looking at Joel.

“All of us sees how she looks and acts around you. I bet that you have your own suspicions as well because only a damn fool wouldn’t see it. You don’t want to lose someone that really cares about you in the apocalypse. Especially not her. Maybe she could help you feel a little joy in this, like you said, fucked up world. If you need  some proof, just look at me and Maria.” Tommy tries to convince him.

Joel breaks eye contact with Tommy and sips his drink before looking at everyone in the bar. Most of the people here are smiling and laughing even when they know the situation that they are in.

“I know some people that are interested in her. They’ve been asking me about her for awhile.” Tommy picks up a few nuts in his hands before throwing it in the air and catching it with his mouth.

Joel shifts his eyes back to Tommy after hearing that. His eyes slightly widen than before with a certain glint in his eyes prompting Tommy to explain more.

“She’s been on her own for a long time and I know she’s been feeling lonely. It might do her some good if I introduce her to someone that she could make a new friend with.” Tommy continues to talk while snacking on the nuts.

“If you really want her, i suggest you get your act together and do something about it before it’s too late. What’s the point of living if you’re not really living it,” Tommy raises his eyebrows at Joel.

Joel clenches his jaw thinking about you looking at another man like how you used to look at him. He doesn’t know why his anger is rising just thinking about it.

Tommy stands up to the side of the table before placing his hand on Joel’s shoulder, squeezing it a little.

“I better get going to my wife. I’ll see you around.” He winks at Joel before going.

Joel’s eyes follow Tommy until he is out of sight. He sits there for a moment thinking about what Tommy said before making his way back home.

On the way back home, his head is filled with the thoughts of you. How he first met you, the way you blush when he's near you, how you look at him with sparkles in you eyes, basically everything about you.

However, the patrol earlier with you was different. You were giving him the cold shoulder and didn't act as you usually were. You did not yap about what you like or don't like, not even the weather, like you usually does. It bothers him that he kind of want to hear your cheery voice instead of your deafening silence.

As he is busy in his own thoughts, he didn't realise that he's reaching his house. In a distance, he could see that your bedroom is emitting soft and warm light. He stops right at his house, looking at the direction of your house. For the first time, he wonders what you are up to.

He turns to walk into his house and the memories of what happened that night came rushing back again. Ever since that night, he's reminded of what happened every time he passes by it.

After dropping your gift on the ground and shutting the door on you that night, he hovered behind the door, processing what just happened. He moved to the window near the door and took a peek behind the curtains. He saw that you were staring at your gift right below you with your fists clenched by your sides. While he was feeling bad, seeing you crushed like that, he didn't expect to see you throw the gift at his door angrily before stomping off. It's the first time he saw you that angry.

He opened his door after making sure that you are already in your house. He took your gift inside and sat on his sofa to open it. It's his first time opening a gift from someone after the outbreak except when Ellie gave him one couple months ago.

He opened the small package slowly and froze seeing the contents in it. He took the beautiful horse chess piece and brought it up close to his face to observe it. There were your initials in small letters at the bottom of the piece, indicating that you carved it yourself. He was mesmerised and lost in the details of the piece before remembering the other contents in the package. He placed the chess piece on the small coffee table in front of him carefully.

He took out the small guitar pick that says 'I pick you' on it. He scoffed with a small smile on his face thinking this was corny but cute. He knows Ellie would find this funny because of her lame jokes. He realised that you must have heard him play his guitar at nights. He didn't know that you could listen from that far away.

Lastly, he opened the letter that you wrote for him.

'Dear Joel,

Firstly, I'm sorry to take you by surprise and I feel like the only way I can tell you how I truly feel about you is by writing this. Joel, you caught my eyes ever since you came in here and no one else really matters as much as you matters to me (except for Ellie, Tommy and Maria of course).

It's getting tough for me to keep these feelings hidden away from you so that is why I want to get it out of my chest. I know that your grumpy ass might think it's silly but my feelings are real, Joel. My heart beats faster just by thinking about you and you don't even want to know how it's like to be near you. There's not a single day which I don't think of you. I see you in my head before I go to sleep at night and after I wake up in the morning.

You may think it is selfish of me to be doing this, yes, I don't deny that. I'd rather be selfish than regretting not telling you the truth. I'm not expecting you to return the same feelings for me. I'm not asking you to be my lover or whatsoever. I just want us to be friends. It's fine if you don't want to. We'll just be who we are to each other before this.

By the way, I'm giving you a chess piece which I made specially for you. I've heard from Ellie that you got a little chess project that you're working on. It's not much but it did felt pretty good to carve it. I might just start carving as a hobby, as a matter of fact. Also, you probably would already guess why I'm giving you the guitar pick. I've heard you play the guitar sometimes and I do love listening to you play. Picked that one out just for you. Thought you might find it funny. I know Ellie does for sure.

Anyway, those are just my tokens of appreciation for you. Thank you for not making me feel lonely and boring in here. I truly do like you even if you don't believe it.

Cheers,

Your Neighbour'

Joel sighed heavily while leaning back against the sofa. He thought about you  putting the effort to write this letter, you being thoughtful of getting him a guitar pick and especially about you taking the time to carve a chess piece specially for him, knowing it is something that he loves doing.

He went to sleep that night with so much guilt of being rude to you earlier. He wished to take back the mean things he said towards you. He doesn't know what to do to make it better. He needs to apologise but his harden self doesn't know how to.

Tonight is game night. The last night of every month, Tommy would gather all of us to have a game night at his house. Everyone is seated in the living room facing each other. You are sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace and Ellie is sitting to your right. Maria is sitting on a sofa chair to your left. Tommy and Joel sits opposite of you on the sofa.

You were playing charades for a few rounds with the group split into two, boys versus girls. Maybe because they are brothers, they were sweeping the rounds with ease. It’s annoying to see Tommy with a smug look as he is winning every round with Joel. He even taunted the girls just to rile them up. Joel on the other hand, looks so nonchalant as usual even when he’s playing and doesn’t even react much when he won.

“Let’s play a new game! I played it with my friends recently and it was kinda fun,” Ellie suggested with an excited look on her face.

“What game?” Tommy moves forward slightly to the edge of the sofa, interested to know about the new game.

“It’s called ‘Never have I ever’.” Ellie introduces the game and explains the rule to everyone.

Once everyone understands how to play, Ellie starts first. Each and everyone of you have a turn stating what you all had never done. One round passes and it’s back to Ellie. You had two of your fingers folded already from previous attacks.

“Never have I ever experience living before the outbreak.” she grins mischievously.

Everyone except Ellie groan and complain about what she had just said.

“That’s sooo cheap,” You narrow your eyes at her while shaking your head slowly.

“What? I had to. I want to the be the last one standing.” She reasons her way out before telling Joel to go next.

“Never have I ever worn high heels.” He said as he looks at you and Maria.

You and Maria folded a finger each, cursing quietly under your breath. Tommy  went next causing Joel to fold a finger. Maria has a go for one of Tommy’s.

It is soon your turn and you take a jab at the boys by saying, “Never have I ever have a male sibling.” you cannot contain the small smile on your face after saying that.

You don’t dare to look at Joel so you just keep your gaze on his fingers to see him folding one of it. Tommy curses you and you chuckle softly.

The game continues and mostly everyone have five fingers left except for Ellie who is left with seven. She’s being so ruthless in this game. You cannot expect what she will say each round. Everyone is trying to protect her innocence while she has no filter on and just runs her mouth without thinking twice.

Some of the things she said in the game were, ‘not having a relationship before’ (very mild), ‘never experience sex before’ (okay, chill. Everyone was stunned hearing that from a 15 year old mouth) and in the previous round, ‘never seen her parents before’ (the room totally went silent).

It’s back to her again and the next thing that she said, caught you off guard.

“Never have I ever done any wood carvings.” you glance at her to see that she’s already smirking at you. How did this little shit know about this?

Your eyes can’t help but shifts to Joel and sees that he’s already putting one finger down, leaving him with only three left. He briefly looks at you before looking down at the floor in the middle of the circle. You hesitantly put a finger down and that is obviously not missed by the other two people in the room.

“Oh, you did?” Maria turns her body to you, indicating that you should explain more about it.

“Yeah, I started like a couple months ago,” you give her a short reply and hoping they would move on from this.

“Why didn’t you tell us? You know this man over here does them a lot,” Tommy gives a good grip on Joel’s shoulder and shakes him slightly, “Maybe the both of you could spend some time carving together.”

You and Joel make eye contact for a brief moment. All you can think about is that one chess piece that you made for him. You wonder if he keeps it or he had thrown it away after that night.

Ellie reminds Joel that it’s his turn next but Joel suddenly says that he doesn’t want to play this game anymore and that he wants to go home soon as he is tired. You think that his mood is ruined thinking of the chess piece that you made specially for him. Sadness filled your heart again thinking that he doesn't like it.

Tommy eases up the tension by asking if anyone needs more drinks.

"Me." Ellie said and gets up to squeeze in between Joel and Tommy.

Tommy stands with a groan to get the drinks from the kitchen. Your butt starts to hurt sitting on the hard floor as well so you move to sit on the only available chair beside Joel. Tommy comes back holding drinks on both hands. He hands one over to Ellie before sitting on the arm rest on Maria’s sofa chair. He leans towards Maria and put his arm over her shoulders. They gently smile at each other making you feel slightly jealous of the love that they have.

Tommy turns to you looking as if he just remembered something.

“Hey, you know Emile, right?” He asks.

“Yeah. Always see him in the library. Why?” you asks, not knowing where this is going.

“He’s been asking about you, wondering how you’ve been,” he added.

“Oh, it’s probably because I didn’t visit the library for awhile now.” you shrug your shoulders.

“Guess he misses you, huh” he smirks with one eyebrow raised.

“Nah, what are you talking about? Stop it.” You chuckles softly finding this is ridiculous. Shaking your head, you slump back on the sofa, sighing.

Emile is one of the librarians in the community. He’s been here for almost half a year and he’s been really nice to you. He’s tall, has short and curly dirty blonde hair, striking blue eyes and quite a gentleman. He’s popular among the ladies for being a sweetheart. He will strike up conversations with you every time you go to the library to browse some books or spend some time reading alone there. You can tell he is into books and love to learn about new things even though he’s clumsy at times.

He’s younger than you by a couple of years and you only view him like a little brother all this time. He’s giving a golden retriever energy and it does make you smile sometimes. He reminds you of the feeling of warmth when hanging out with your close friends before the outbreak.

You were sure that he don’t have feelings for you in a romantic way. Maybe you are wrong. You were too busy focusing on Joel to notice anyone else in the vicinity. 

“Maybe he likes you,” Ellie chirps in,

“No fucking way,” you dismisses that idea right away.

“What if he does?” Tommy asks you seriously.

“I don’t know?”

“What do you think of him?” Maria asks with a soft smile on her face.

God, you wish you could disappear right there and then. You do not look at Joel’s direction but you can see at the corner of your eyes, his fingers are gripping the arm rest on his side really hard.

“He’s a nice lad. Real sweet,” you say hesitatingly, knowing they might tease you with whatever you will say, “always ask me if I’m doing good every time I see him in the library.”

You glance to your side a little bit and spots Joel’s fingers are scratching the arm rest mindlessly. He’s tapping his foot restlessly and something about that makes you want to comfort him.

You’re tired of the pressure they’re putting on you here and especially with Joel in the presence. However, you think maybe you could use this opportunity to see how he would react. Why is he restless? Is he jealous? Or is he just so repulsed by you?

“Maybe I should visit the library tomorrow and see him.” You casually say that, pretending you are happy with the idea of seeing Emile.

Everyone especially Tommy and Ellie are cheering and howling except for the grumpy old man beside you. He soaks in the moment for a few seconds before getting up of his seat.

“I’m going home.” He says to everyone with a strangled voice.

He storms past right in front of you and you can feel the anger seeping through his body without even touching him. In that moment, you take in his earthy and musky scent as he strides pass you. You almost run after him to check if he’s okay. It’s driving you insane that he still have you wrapped around his little finger and you cannot do anything about it.

Is he angry that you’re going to see Emile tomorrow?

Why would he be angry if he rejected you?

next part

Thank you so much for reading this chapter. I will update the next one within two weeks!! Pinky promise <3

Taglist: @greenwitchfromthewoods @rebeccawinters @cuteanimalmama @rodriguez31 @orcasoul @ashleyfilm

[the-monstermash]

UNBROKEN BETROTHALS pt. 4

Aemond Targaryen x Reader

Synopsis: After running away from an unwanted proposal, you find yourself working in a brothel as a cook. When a certain guest takes an odd liking to you, secrets are revealed and betrothals unbroken

Warnings: Angst, Brothels, Mature, Mentions of Sex, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Time-Appropriate Sexism, 

Word Count: 3,226

> A/N: I did a crazy amount of time jumping, and also I had to cut the last part into two more parts SO SORRY

Aemond had taken much longer than a week, and things had certainly not been peaceful in the house ever since. The girls had lost their mind upon learning that not only had you finally accepted Aemond, but you were to marry. Of course, you’d explained the past betrothal and the reason behind his insistence, and they’d swooned at the idea of a prince searching for his long lost love, to which you reminded them you had never met when this first proposal happened.

That didn’t deter them one bit, and when he sent word of when he’d come to get you, they’d passed the letter around to read it and gushed.

According to witnesses, Sylvi broke a goblet upon hearing the news, and locked herself in her room to avoid others ever since. She was not the type to cause a scene, but she would not play nice to keep the peace, either.

When that day finally did arrive, the girls had  insisted on trying to  make you look presentable. Brushing the knots from your hair, applying a light rouge and smelling oils. They’d each given you something of theirs. Necklaces, trinkets, things to remember them by.

“As if I could ever forget you girls.” You’d said when Maria insisted on you having her favorite hair pin. “Thank you so much.” She pulled you into a deep hug, squeezing as if to commit the feel to memory.

“You know you’ll never see us again, when you marry?” Zora’s flat voice made the girls shoot her annoyed looks. “It won’t do for a princess to visit a whorehouse, and we can’t exactly go to the castle at leisure.”

“My situation is unlike other Ladies, I’m sure they would make an exception for me. I’ll come back, even if I have to sneak away.” They smiled, but they didn’t reach their eyes. There was something very final about this goodbye, even with the promises made.

“Sylvi made sure to be busy today, didn’t she?” Maria joked with a dry chuckle, likely an attempt to change the subject. “She’s probably in some back alley, crying herself to death.”

“Have compassion, she’s losing her two favorite people in one day.” Lauryn’s sarcastic jab at you made you sigh and look away.

“I’m sure I won’t be missed in that regard. Besides, it’s probably for the best that we leave things as they were. Before all this.” You gestured to your packed bags.

Sounds of hoofs on the cobblestone brought everyone’s attention outside, where a carriage was pulling up to the entrance. The girls crowded the entryway, looking on to see if someone would step out of the carriage. When only a footman appeared in front of you, you had to swallow down the disappointment you felt at Aemond not being present to take you to the castle.

“My Lady, the Prince sends his deepest apologies that he could not be here himself to retrieve you. Urgent matters have kept him at the castle, but be assured, he is there awaiting your arrival. If I could grab your things.” The girls began lugging out your trunk. You’d not accumulated much over the years, and what you had, you couldn’t use in the keep. Most of what you were bringing were gifts from the other girls.

You’d thanked the footman for loading your luggage for you, and turned to say your final goodbyes to everyone before he helped you into the carriage.

“It won’t be long, ma’am.” He’d reassured you, and you’d nodded and smiled before settling into the seat as he closed the door and set off.

The ride hadn’t been long, though it had felt like an eternity. When you stopped to let the gates open, you’d considered jumping out and making a run for it, but you knew that was just jitters.

The carriage pulled in to the gates, and made its’ final stop, the footman stepping down and opening the door to let you out.

You immediately began searching for Aemond, but to your dismay he wasn’t there, only who you’d assumed to be Dowager Queen Alicent, and Queen Helaena. You walked to greet them, bowing as well as you’d remembered.

“It’s a shame your parents couldn’t be here with you. Aemond sent for them days ago, so they should arrive within the next few days.” Alicent’s voice was stressed, as if she carried the weight of the seven kingdoms on her shoulders, and you could tell she was not happy to be the one sent to greet you. “I’ll have a maid show you to your chambers, I’m sure you’ll want to prepare yourself for dinner.” You spoke before she could turn away.

“I had hoped to see Aemond.”

“Yes, well the prince is kept very busy around here, his brother, the king, keeps him close. Especially with the war coming, as you know Aemond is invaluable in our efforts.”

Something in her words told you she meant to say you’re here to keep Aemond happy. You nodded, showing the disappointment clearly on your face.

“He’ll find you before dinner, I’m sure.” She turned to walk away, stopping to order a maid, which you followed to your chambers.

The chambers were grand, as expected, but you were not overwhelmed by them. You were more concerned with your betrothed and his presence. Or absence, moreso. You’d been left to your devices, choosing to sit on a settee and twiddle your fingers, sigh, and huff in frustration. In reality, it had only been about half an hour before your door opened, revealing the one person you had been waiting to see.

“Aemond!” You jumped up from your seat, meeting him halfway and pulling him into a tight embrace. “You did not come to retrieve me this morning. You did not even greet me.”

“My apologies, my lady wife. The King has kept me very busy, I would’ve  put off your retrieval again so I could get you myself, but I could not wait to have you here.” He kissed your scalp, inhaling the scent curiously. “You smell nice, I’ve missed it. I’ve missed you.” He pulled away to hold your hands in his before leaning in for a kiss, which you happily reciprocated.

Aemond’s hands met your waist, pulling you against him and wrapping his arms around you to hold you close to him. You wrapped your arms around his neck, hands tangling with his snowy hair, and pulling him to deepen the kiss. Your lips moved in sync with one another, a display of passion and desire so strong it could stop the world. Your tongue reached out to meet his, rough and unlike his smooth lips, and you would’ve heard him groan if not for the sound of your heart thumping in your ears.

He pulled away to catch his breath, resting his forehead against yours and panting.

“I’ve missed you, too.” You smiled up at him, pulling away to sit on the soft bed. You patted the spot beside you, and he quickly joined at your side.

“The wedding is in two weeks, I’ve made the necessary arrangements, I hope you find it to your liking.”

“I don’t care what the wedding looks like, only the groom.” His lips turned up at that. “Your mother said my parents will be here soon, I can’t wait to see them again. Will there be many other guests?”

“Likely our allied houses, but they shouldn’t arrive for at least a week’s time. I’ve tried my best to clear my schedule after the wedding, but it seems the war is coming faster than any of us had anticipated. I had even thought to steal my bride away on Vhagar, even for a short while.”

“I understand, Aemond. You’re needed here.” Your words were meant to be reassuring, but the lilt in your voice betrayed you. “I had only hoped we’d have more time to know each other, and…to make up for the lost time.”

“We’ll do plenty of making up, don’t you worry.” His sly smirk sent a shiver down your spine, both of fear and desire. “My mother had requested to have you checked to see if you were still pure, but I assured her of your innocence. She did not believe me, of course, but she had dropped the matter. I think she is just happy for me.” He leaned in to place a soft kiss on your jawline, his large hand going to the nape of your neck, to massage the tight muscle, earning a grown from you. “I like that noise.” His kisses traveled down to your collarbone, and his hands began massaging your waist.

You were nervous to explore Aemond more than you already had. To explore anyone, really. You’d never even thought about what would happen on your wedding night, because you’d never considered you’d have a wedding night. Years of rejecting any sense of affection had left you uneducated in the personal ways of lovemaking. Of course you’d heard things, and even seen things, but that was just sex. You and Aemond were meant to make love, and sire heirs. How different was that from what you’d seen in the whorehouse? Did he expect you to have much experience because of where you’d been? He knew you were a virgin, but perhaps he thought they’d taught you things.

Your thoughts were beginning to blur as you felt him begin to push you back on the bed. You pulled away from him in a panic and stood, pacing away from the bed.

“Are you alright?” He was breathless and obviously a little taken aback by your sudden retreat, combing through his hair and rubbing his lips together.

“Yes! Yes, I am fine. I just think…” You scanned your brain for some reason that wouldn’t seem like rejection, finding none. “I am afraid, Aemond.”

“Of me.” He nodded in understanding.

“No! Gods, no. Of…well, yes, of you. But, not of you, of…you know…you.” You gestured towards his groin, unable to force the words out of your mouth. It was embarrassing to have lived among whores and not even be able to say the word sex, and even more embarrassing to have to explain your situation to Aemond, of all people, who you had met in a whorehouse. His chuckle only served to further your mortification. “Well, do not laugh! I am a lady, after all. I should not know of these things, or how to speak of them.”

“I mean no offense, my lady. Only that I had not expected such bashful demeanor from you. Especially after our night in your rooms.”

“That was just kissing. And I was…swept away, in your passionate words and gestures. This would be different, it would mean…well, I could get pregnant.”

“Yes.” He nodded. “Now, or in two weeks' time, when we consummate our marriage. Either way, I’m happy to wait, lady wife. But you must not be so alluring in these coming weeks. You can hardly expect a man to resist you.” He stood from your bed, and stepped over to the settee in front of the fireplace. “Perhaps we should avoid the bed as well.”

“I was not being alluring, I was simply being myself. A woman should do that in front of her betrothed, so he knows she is a match.”

“Yourself is the most alluring thing you could be in my presence.” That struck you speechless, and you elected to just walk over to where he was sitting, too awkward to sit with him normally. “Perhaps a tour of the keep.” He sighed, standing up to guide you out of the room.

The next two days had passed rather dully, with Aemond holding you at an arm's length, and preferring to meet you in public. You’d been on walks, dined together, and made a few last minute wedding decisions for the upcoming nuptials.

You were sitting in the garden with Aemond when you heard the gates to the red keep begin opening. You could only assume it was your parents, as no other guests were set to arrive any day soon. You quickly rushed to welcome them, leaving the flowers you had been weaving on the ground along with Aemond, who rose to follow you.

Reuniting with your parents had been a dream, they had taken you into their arms and sobbed, as had you. Your mother had a few choice words about your disappearance, but understood the reasoning of a scared young girl. Besides, things had seemed to work themself out in the end.

You’d stayed with your parents all the way up until after dinner, when they both  showed signs of fatigue, at which point Aemond had elected to walk you to your chambers, taking deliberate slow steps to prolong the moment alone.

“Are you happy with your reunification?”

“Oh, Aemond, I don’t know how I could ever thank you. They’re just as I remember them, but so much more. I can tell how my leaving hurt them, and I don’t think we can ever get that time back. But now, thanks to you, they know I am well and safe. I am truly in your debt.”

“Consider it a wedding gift.” He had shrugged as you reached your doors. The guards immediately opened the door for you, and you stepped in slowly before turning back to him. “Might I come in? Just for a moment, there’s something I wanted to discuss about our wedding.”

He came in at your nod, the doors closing behind the two of you. You had began undoing your hair from the tight wound updo. Aemond had watched in silence for a while, until you reminded him of his needed discussion.

“I had been giving thought to our wedding night.” You swallowed the lump in your throat.

“What of it?”

“Will you not find it difficult to bear a bedding ceremony?”

“Are those not outdated?”

“They’re tradition. My mother has been rather insistent on it.”

“But it is not your mother’s wedding, it is your wedding. Do you want a bedding ceremony?” As your hair was finally let down, you began brushing out the knots. Aemond had hummed in response to your question, causing you to sigh. “I do not wish to be subjected to the eyes of strangers on what is supposed to be our night together. I want to be alone with you, we so rarely are anymore.”

“That is because I find it hard to be near you and not want you.” You rolled your eyes. “My mother will put up a fight over the ceremony, she wants to know that you are still a maiden. If it’s not a bedding ceremony, it could be the maesters. I do not know which one you’d find more unpleasant.”

“I will not do either, Aemond. I have lived a very difficult life off the premise of my own autonomy, and I will not turn my back to it now. Your mother will have to see reason. Or perhaps you should tell her you’ve already had me.” He looked stunned at this.

“Why would you say that?”

“If she thinks you’ve already…defiled me, there’ll be no question of my maidenhood, and no way to know if I’ve only had you, or others, so checking will be fruitless.” I set my brush down and turned towards him from my vanity chair.

“You would have me dishonor your already sullied name?” He seemed offended even at the thought, his voice shaking.

“As you said, my name is already sullied, what difference will it make? They think I’m a whore, Aemond!” I stood from my vanity and walked to stand before him. “They wish to make a mockery of me with these invasions. They don’t want to reassure themselves, they want to confirm what they already believe. I am not good enough for them, and they want a reason to reject this union.” His jaw ticked and his head shook slightly at the thought.

“I won’t let them reject it.”

“And how would you stop them?” I asked sarcastically.

“We simply do the ceremony! It is a woman’s expectation to be pure for her husband, and you are marrying a prince. It’s sound reasoning to expect this.”

“Well, perhaps that is another reason I ran away in the first place!” I turned from him, but he grabbed my arm and forced me to turn back around.

“I do not want to fight with you about this.” He sighed. “If you truly will not have it, we’ll just have to figure something else out.”

“They won’t let us marry, Aemond, I told you this. It was a fool’s dream to think you would have your way in this.”

“I’ll marry you now. Tonight. We’ll sneak to the Godswood and get married in the old way. They’ll have to recognize it, especially if we consummate.”

“You really want to fuck me, don’t you?” The joke was ill-timed, and a sad attempt to break the tension.

“I want to marry you. And I shall. Let’s go.”

“Right now?”

“They’ll not expect it. By the time anyone notices we’ve left, it’ll be too late.”

“But who will marry us? Do the old ways not call for the head of your house to consent?”

“Aegon?” He snorted. “That piss-soaked sack is probably deep in his cups tonight. It will be nothing to convince him. I’ll get him, and meet you in the Godswood. Wait a bit after I leave, and pretend as though you’re on a walk to clear your head. I’ll be there under the heart tree, waiting.”

You did as Aemond bid, sitting in the settee for a short while, finishing brushing through your hair and electing to wear it down. Finally, you decided to head towards the Godswood.

The walk there was relatively short, so you paused outside the entrance to the Godswood and took a few deep breaths.

“It is quite cold tonight for King’s Landing, no?” The voice of your mother made you turn around quickly, eyes wide and mouth agape.

“Mother! What are you doing out here?” The panic in your voice obviously raised suspicion.

“What are you doing out here? Unchaperoned, standing outside the Godswood?”

“I needed some air. Aemond and I had a fight, I needed to clear my head.” It wasn’t necessarily a lie, so saying it only made you feel half as bad.

“Is everything alright?”

“Oh, yes. His mother wants to force a bedding ceremony, but I don’t want one. Aemond says if I don’t do it, she’ll likely want a maester to confirm my maidenhood.”

“She questions your integrity?” She was obviously irked. “And what did Aemond say?” Her eyebrow quirked, and you could tell she already knew the answer, glancing into the Godswood before sighing.

“Mother…” You whispered.

“It’s not my place to tell you what you cannot do. If your Father knew…” She shook her head. “You are a woman grown now, and I can’t stop you if this is what you truly want to do.”

“It is. And I’m going to marry him anyways, this is just…a way for us to do it on our terms.”

“And will you forbid your mother from witnessing the union of her daughter?” You smiled, shaking your head and pulling her into a deep embrace.

@mamawiggers1980 @dahlias-and-marigolds @staarflowerr @aemondwhoresworld @uhnanix

[rosabell14]

An analysis of Bianca di Angelo's role in the narrative and why bad writing can screw over a character.

For someone with such a limited time in the narrative, Bianca is one of the most divisive characters in the fandom. I've been in the fandom long enough to see how much nuance the fandom lacks when discussing certain characters and Bianca is no difference. But it's more than just viewing the characters' actions in a vacuum. It's ignoring the larger narrative problems. At the end of the day Bianca suffers from one simple problem: she's barely a character outside of her role in Nico's narrative. Like it or not, her entire character exists to die and give Nico issues down the road but Riordan's writing decisions didn't do her any favours either.

I feel like this is a huge issue when it comes to the pjo fandom they often try to come up with Watsonian solutions to problems that are Doylist in nature and Bianca is one example of that.

Case in point: Riordan's shit math when it comes to the Di Angelo siblings and how it messes up with bianca's character.

So when we meet them they're 10 and 12. We learn that their memories of their past is kinda hazy and that they don't remember their parents but that they were in a boarding school, then they moved to the lotus hotel, then they were taken out of the hotel and put into Westover's. And at the end we learn that they're Hades's children born before the oath of the big 3.

Said oath happened after WW2 btw. So 1945 probably since Bianca remembers FDR's presidency.

Now in TLO we get an update on this backstory. Hades is speaking to Maria about moving his children to the underworld or the lotus hotel since Maria doesn't like the former option because the war has put Hades in a bad situation with his brothers and also the prophecy is out, the oath has been taken and they're running out of time to hide the kids. So logic says that it's 1945. And then Zeus immediately kills Maria and Hades tells Alecto to erase the children's memories and put them in the lotus hotel, and honestly? I like this version much better? Because why in the world would Hades Put his children in a boarding school for a few years and THEN hide them in the hotel after they were nearly assassinated? Why not immediately put them in the hotel?

And so we get to our main dilemma. Bianca having to raise Nico. This was already strange to me because it's not as if this is a Jason and Thalia situation where Jason was a toddler and Thalia had to take care of him. Nico is not a baby they have a two year age difference. But of course these kinds of things might matter more if you're young. Even then, in what situation would Bianca be Nico's main caretaker? They were put into a magic hotel that mind you, makes time go faster so for them it was a month or two at best and they would have been given whatever they needed by the staff? Same type of issue with Westover's and the boarding school if you want consider that canon. They would have been taken care of by the facility. They probably wouldn't even have shared classes or dorms? Or am I misunderstanding American boarding schools?

And then, Riordan's bad math strikes again and this time with the characters' ages. Because Nico's age in HoO becomes 14 which would have made him 11/almost 12 in TTC but that's not the big problem, no no no. The problem comes from his official birthday which is 1932.

1932... Which would have made him 13 and Bianca 15 by the time Maria dies. Which is hilarious because with the way the kids are written during her death scene as absolute non players with nary a reaction, you would think they were written to be toddlers who didn't understand anything that was going on.

That royally screws over Bianca as a character (and me as someone who's trying to write a story centered around her). Because her main thing. The one time she's allowed to have complexity is the moment where she talks about how she wants to be more than Nico's caretaker, and she's barely Nico's caretaker at all. The best in universe explanation I can come up for this is that this is how Bianca perceives things because that's all that she literally remembers. Those months in the hotel and Westovers.

Another time the plot kinda messes her up is at the beginning of TTC. One complaint that I often see in regards to her Is how quickly she makes her decision. She does not even hesitate. She does not even wait to see the camp. You know the place that would have taken care of her and Nico which would have meant she wasn't going to be his supposed primary caretaker anymore? She doesn't even wait to see if it was an actual good place for her brother? Spoiler alert: it's not camp half-blood at the time was not a good place for either of them really. Nico did not have a cabin at camp and people were not accepting of him. Hell, people not being accepting of hades and his children was something established since the first book.

But once again, this is a Doylist problem at its core. We need to turn Bianca into a hunter but we also need Artemis to leave so that she can be kidnapped for the main conflict, so she leaves before the hunters even reach camp. Half-blood. So Bianca as a character doesn't even get to make a proper choice between the camp and the hunters. To people who only look at characters on an in universe level, it comes off as very rash and not well thought out.

To be fair, on an in universe level, she's a kid so it's okay if she's stupid, but Riordan wasn't trying to make her come off as that way? He treats Bianca's decision as a legit serious choice and not the rash decision of a desperate child.

And once again, Bianca is here for Nico's sake more than anything. She needs to die. So she takes the statue for Nico. Which is so ironic and tragic if you decide to play it that way. That Bianca wanted to be more than Nico's sister, but her literal death revolves around being his sister. Normally I'd enjoy this level of angsty irony but unfortunately that's how the very narrative treats her as well. Even her post mortem decisions are there to maximize Nico's angst more than that they're there to say anything about Bianca herself. We need Bianca to only appear at the end of Botl so that Nico and Percy can have a conflict but it once again comes at the cost of Bianca herself coming off as callous. What's the in universe reason for this behavior? It's so stupid because in universe, Nico doesn't even take that much convincing? One conversation. One conversation and Nico was convinced to stop his efforts in reviving her. Does she just not know her brother enough? Maybe since they technically know each other for a year max. Does she genuinely think she's that easy to give up on? Is she that conflict avoidant? I actually like this interpretation and plan to use it. There's much to be done with a character who's rash and bold but an absolute emotional coward who'd try to avoid an emotionally charged conversation until they absolutely can't.

Hell even after Botl, it's the same song and dance. Hades makes an absolute vile remark at Nico's expense. TSATS makes it into a joke moment and has you believe that Hades simple said that Bianca would have been a better demigod. No ladies and gentlemen. Hades literally tells Nico that he wished Bianca had survived instead.(The fact that I still think that hades is the best godly parent just shows you how low the bar is more than anything.)

I swear to God I spent so much time racking my brain trying to understand what this could mean for Bianca's character.

This is how I basically look like trying to milk every scene where Bianca is there as a character or is mentioned for every drop of characterization.

At the end of the day, I can't blame most of the fandom for being ambivalent towards her at best. The story by design is about Nico. It's designed for you to sympathize with him and yeah if I'm to look at it from Nico's perspective. He DID get abandoned, regardless of Bianca's intentions. From his Perspective , which is the one most people would take, his sister took the very first chance she could to ditch him for people she barely knew hoping people either of them barely knew would take care of him even though they haven't even seen the place yet, and then ignored him for months while he was desperate for a single conversation with her. Honestly had Nico outright resented his sister for leaving, I think the reaction towards her would have even been worse.

(Another sidenote, my very hot tea Is that I like to believe that had Bianca lived her and Nico's relationship would have become worse as time went on and as the camp's anti hades sentiments really started taking their toll on Nico. But I'm just an angst lover)

Worse is that this story is told from Percy's perspective and these two only have like 3 actual conversations together. One of them is her dying, one is about her making her first main decision and that's at the expense of Nico who's probably the fandom favorite behind Percy and Annabeth and the other is her trying to explain her aforementioned decision to Percy and even then, she talks about it in such broad strokes. "I want to be more than X" tells us about who you one day wish to be not about who you are at the current moment. And even when we have Nico as a POV character, Bianca is only there for "dead family member" trope. There's barely any moment where Nico remembers anything important about her to give her any depth. The cards are just stacked against her. Even the people who are at the "Bianca did nothing wrong camp" are barely interested in her. I swear to god whenever an AU comes up where she's alive, the focus is STILL on Nico. Oh Nico would have been such a happy person had she lived! And Bianca? Uhhhhh she would have fucked off with the hunters I guess?

Can we talk about the hunters while we're here?

If we WERE to talk about in universe scapegoats, I'd honestly choose the hunters. Honestly I could make a separate post about how much I hate how Riordan handled them. But oh dear God the way they're presented just comes off as creepy. The way they initially (up until TOA) only go for young girls because apparently older girls aren't useful once they hit puberty and start developing feelings for people and lose themselves(TTC and Percy Jackson's Greek gods oh dear lord are they terrible in Percy Jackson's Greek gods). How they're basically the heroine dumping ground for when Riordan doesn't know what to do with a female character. How ultimately in universe, Zoe more than anyone is to blame to for Bianca's death by taking an untrained girl to a mission where she KNOWS two people would die at the very least. And she doesn't even watch her properly during the mission. Honestly I could barely feel anything about Zoe's death upon rereads as an adult for this very reason. Or how stupid it is to basically put a child in front of a candy store and expect them to make a responsible decision. Who in their right mind would have young girls as young as nine take a celibacy vow? Oh but you'll be safe with us (never mind that we're not just normal hunters here like the actual myths but actual monster hunters) and you'll totally be able to see your brother when you want (actually we barely visit camp half-blood) oh but you'll be a FAMILY with us! Except you know if you catch feelings or get assaulted(holy hell how Riordan depicts the myth of Callisto makes me want to tear my hair out of my scalp)

[roosterforme]

The Gray Sweatpants | Rooster x Reader

Summary: For you and Bradley, sharing a home comes easily. He is always willing to put in the extra work to make you happy, and he will do it wearing his gray sweatpants and a smile.

Warnings: Fluff and smut

Length: 2100 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female Reader

This was written to accompany my series Is It Working For You? along with a bunch of my one-shots! (But it can be read on its own) Check my masterlist in my profile for the reading order! Based on a request.

Living with you was an interesting change of pace for Bradley. He had gotten so used to tiny living quarters and never sharing anything. But now you were here in this big house, along with all of your colorful stuff, and your perfume, and your kitchen gadgets. And you wanted to share everything with him. 

Not a day went by that you weren't wearing his clothing and using his shaving cream in the shower. And you always offered to share your food with him, holding up a sandwich or forkful of food for him to take a bite. You always seemed to be around asking about his day and giving him all of the details of yours, delivered with your own brand of wit and humor that never failed to have him wrapping his arms around you. 

It was one of the first Friday nights after you moved into his house, and now it was your house, too. Every time he got to use the word "ours", it made him happy in a way he couldn't really explain. 

"I was thinking we should plant a garden in the backyard," you said, feeding Bradley a bite of your dinner from your perch on his lap. You were wearing one of his Top Gun shirts and nothing else, and Bradley couldn't imagine living here without you. "I mean, San Diego kind of sucks for flowers, but we're hardy east coast people. We should have a garden."

"We would have no street cred if we didn't have sad, dying, east coast people flowers," he replied, delighting in the sound of your laughter. 

"Exactly! Plus, the backyard is a little scary, Roo. I'll help you clean it up on Sunday, if you want."

"Sure, Baby Girl. We'll see."

But he had something else in mind now.

---------------------

You woke up on Saturday morning to an empty bed and groaned. Bradley knew you had particular rules concerning him staying in bed with you on Saturday mornings. And you expected a certain level of compliance. 

"Bradley?" you called as you stumbled into the kitchen where you found him brewing coffee and eating some toast in just his gray sweatpants.

"Morning, Sweetheart," he rasped, but your mouth had gone dry. You must still be in bed, asleep and dreaming. That was the only way this would make sense.

You made a soft, strangled sound as Bradley reached up into the cabinet and grabbed your favorite mug. "Want some coffee?"

"Bradley," you whispered. He wasn't even wearing any underwear. You could see the outline of his cock pressing against the soft fabric as the pants hung low on his hips. 

You were taking a step closer to him, ready to drop to your knees when he said, "You'll be late for brunch with Cam and Maria if you don't leave soon." You had completely forgotten about your plans.

Your eyes slid up his naked torso until they met his smirking face. "Why are you not wearing underwear?"

He suddenly looked embarrassed, cheeks flushing pink. "I actually need you to show me how to use the washing machine. I'm almost out of clean clothes. Can you show me after brunch?"

You glanced at the clock on the microwave and sighed. You didn't even have time to properly blow your boyfriend like you wanted to. "Yeah, I'll show you after I get home, Roo," you whispered, running your fingers along his length through his pants.

"Oh fuck," he grunted when you cupped him and squeezed softly. He pressed you against the edge of the counter, and you could feel him getting hard for you. 

But you just stuck your chin in the air. "Next Saturday, make sure you stay in bed with me longer." You ducked out of his grasp with a grin while he groaned your name. "Oh, and I don't want to be late for brunch."

You got ready to go out, and when you passed him in the kitchen before you left, he was eating more toast and glaring at you. 

"You gonna come back and take care of this later?" he grunted, gesturing to his semi.

"Sure, Roo. Right after we do your laundry," you said with a wink. He just grunted in response before you added, "And make sure you don't go out in those pants. They are indecent!"

----------------------

As soon as you were gone, Bradley thought about jerking off, but he knew he had a limited amount of time before you would be home again. So he quickly put his old sneakers on along with his aviators and traipsed out through the sliding glass door to the backyard. You weren't wrong; it was in pretty rough shape.

Bradley kicked over a faded lawn gnome and opened up the shed. He pulled out some shovels and a rake that the previous owners had left, and he got to work. An hour later, he was shocked to find that there was in fact a garden bed buried back along the privacy fence. He dug up dead plants and weird lawn ornaments, tossing everything off to the side to get taken out with the trash. 

He stopped working for a minute to wipe the sweat from his brow. The sun was strong even for early December, but at least it wasn't too hot outside. And now, as he looked around, Bradley was pleased to see that the whole space looked a lot better. His girlfriend wanted a garden? Well then she would get one.

"Roo?" you called from the sliding glass door. You were grinning and heading his way with a cold water bottle. "What are you doing?"

He took the drink from your hand and downed the entire thing before he answered you. "Making the yard nicer for you. Check it out. A garden bed."

But you weren't really looking at the yard as much as you were looking at him. You wrapped your arms around his sweaty torso and kissed him. "You're so sweet."

He grinned down at you but didn't dare touch, not wanting to get your cute dress all dirty. "We can go to the nursery tomorrow and pick out some flowers if you want. We can plant them...." His word trailed off as you bit your lip and slipped your hand inside the front of his sweatpants. 

"I've been thinking about this since I left for brunch." Your voice was soft and breathless as your fingers teased his length before you wrapped your small hand around his cock. "Been thinking about these gray sweatpants."

Bradley let you ease the fabric down until he was fully exposed. You were licking your lips and moaning softly. He knew exactly what that meant.

"God damn it," he groaned as you dropped to your knees on the grass in front of him. He was standing in the center of the yard, looking around to see if there was any way one of the neighbors could see what was going on. But when you kissed and licked away his precum before parting your lips and taking his tip, he decided he didn't care. 

Bradley reached one big palm to the back of your head and guided you along. You took him a little deeper, looking up at him as your mouth filled up with each inch of him until your lip was brushing his coarse hairs. You gagged a bit, hollowing your cheeks as you sucked on him. "You're such a good girl. I'll give you anything you want."

You moaned around him, your tongue swirling along the underside of his entire length until you pulled him out to the tip. You kissed him sweetly and softly asked, "You know what I want, Roo?"

Bradley shook his head a little bit, dazed as you let his cock rest against your plush tongue. He was panting now and twitching as your hot breath teased his dick. 

"You tell me what you want, and I'll give it to you."

You giggled and smiled up at him with half lidded eyes as your tongue caressed him. You kissed his swollen tip and nuzzled him with your nose before you said, "I want you to fuck me. Right here. In our backyard."

Bradley hauled you to your feet by grabbing your elbows. You squealed with delight, but he hushed you with one hand over your mouth. "I'll give you what you want, but you have to behave. You want our elderly neighbors calling the cops, because they think I'm back here trying to murder you?"

You groaned and licked Bradley's palm, gripping his cock with both hands. "Please, Bradley. Please make it so good that it sounds like that!"

His hand drifted down to your neck, and he led you to the side of the shed, stroking your soft skin as you practically purred for him. His hard dick bounced along, hanging out over his sweatpants as he backed you up against the small building. "Okay."

-----------------------

You were so turned on for him, and you blamed it all on his sweatpants. He had no idea what he was capable of in those things. But without underwear? Bradley Bradshaw should have been illegal. 

And now he had your back pinned against the shed with his huge hand on your neck while he reached into your underwear and started to finger you. 

"Oh," you gasped, admiring the way his aviators were sliding down his nose while you rode his middle finger. The pressure on your throat wasn't enough to hurt, but it was enough to make you feel like you were no longer in charge here. And that feeling excited you. 

Bradley's thumb stroked your clit, and you cried out for him. "Shh, be a good girl," he whispered, kissing your lips one time while his middle finger pressed forward on your most sensitive spot. When you whimpered, he kissed your forehead and said, "Yeah, nice and quiet, Baby Girl. Show me how good you can be."

You kept your little noises as quiet as you could, moving your hips in time with his thumb stroking you. When you were close, Bradley slipped his finger out of you, leaving you whining his name. He spun you to face the shed, yanking your underwear down so the lace brushed along your legs before they hit the ground. You planted both of your palms against the siding as Bradley pulled your dress up to your waist, fully exposing you to any neighbor who could have potentially been a little too nosy. 

"Oh my god," you groaned as Bradley planted his left hand above yours and guided himself inside you with the other. 

"You're so fucking wet." His voice was deep and needy as he fucked you, placing his hand on your pussy. He let you rub yourself against him as he bumped you along with his thrusts. 

"Bradley." The second syllable was much louder than the first, your voice rising in pitch with pleasure. "Fuck!"

"Shh," he scolded once more. "Quiet, or I'll stop."

It was an empty threat, you were sure of it. He must be beyond the point of no return, but just in case, you covered your own mouth with your hand. He had you pinned tight between his pelvis and his palm, grinding against your butt, and holding you in place.

The beautiful friction of his palm had you clenching and cumming as your orgasm washed over you suddenly. "It's so good," you whined, needing both hands on the shed to keep yourself upright. "You're so good, Roo."

The string of obscenities he muttered next to your ear were nowhere near as filthy as his cock slamming into you and filling you with his cum. He used your pussy to drain him of every last drop as you pulsed around him, and when he withdrew, you felt your thighs get coated with his mess.

You spun around to face him, eyes wide. "I can't believe you fucked me in the backyard." Your eyes dipped down to his cock, softening and dripping your mixed ejaculate all over those gray sweatpants. 

He tipped your chin up and looked at you over the top of his aviators. "You tell me you want something, I'm going to give it to you. Especially if it's my cock."

You grinned and kissed him before adjusting his sunglasses. "Let's go inside. We have even more laundry to do now." You tucked him back inside his sweatpants before stepping out of your underwear. "Don't forget those," you said, pointing to the scrap of lace in the grass.

You watched Bradley bend down and pick them up, bringing them up to his nose with a grunt as he followed you inside.

---------------------------

I hope you enjoyed Rooster's gray sweatpants @thedroneranger

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[pooks]

back on my straw hat!Ichiji bullshit and i am cooking

here's some headcanons i've got;

headcanon number 1 imagine Classy Trio (Ichiji, Robin and Brook) just casually having tea and watching the usual Zoro and Sanji bickering/sparring session

Ichiji: I can't believe that my brother in law will be a ball of sentient moss. But as long as he makes my little brother happy.

and the kicker is that Robin and Brook just agrees (especially Brook, who probably the biggest ZoSan shipper XD). the classy trio is a very sophisticated group, they have teatime with biscuits and discuss various topics

no one understands how it works and no one bothers to. post-timeskip, they're the second strongest fighting group after the Monster Trio. in fact, during Wano Arc, Ichiji joins Robin and Brook to save Sanji from Black Maria (Ichiji is bi and demiromantic, so he's kinda immune to female enemies trying to seduce him. he's already given away his heart for Robin and Franky.)

second headcanon Ichiji reminding certain pirates of Red-Haired Shanks is a running gag. even better when poor Ichiji doesn't even know who the guy is.

the first time Luffy put his hat on Ichiji's head to comfort him (he had a bad mental health day and nearly resorted to self-harm), Luffy went still for a moment or two because he instantly got reminded of Shanks. Ichiji isn't complaining about the hug he got from his captain, but it was nice and a little confusing.

(then later at Loguetown, Buggy nearly flipped his shit because he thought Shanks came back to haunt his ass XD)

it went so far that Ichiji got called "Shanks" by some pirates who has met the guy and poor Ichiji is like "who?"

(once Ichiji gets to meet the actual guy, it's gonna such a spiderman meme)

headcanon 3 Ichiji canonically likes whiskey, but i decided to add rum to his favorite drinks. he drinks sometimes with Zoro, but is unable to outdrink him (he comes third in alcohol tolerance, behind Zoro and Nami). Ichiji likes rum because he believes "a real pirate should like rum"

post-WCI and he turns to alcohol to deal with it. he doesn't gave good trauma responses and it goes far enough to make Chopper worry for his health. enough that Nami threats to throw the rum overboard if he doesn't square up.

this prompts him to nearly fight Nami for the sake of rum

Ichiji: you would dare to challenge me?! Nami: bring it on, bitch boy!

Sanji puts an end to it by locking all alcohol behind five locks in the galley. he's the cook, after all, and the galley is his dominion. Zoro and Ichiji has to wait until dinner to get their sake resp. rum

headcanon four Ichiji is tall and very muscular in canon, but in this au, he's slightly different

he's still taller than Sanji and while he has a little more distinct muscular structure, he's also a little more slender. this is a side effect from starving on the rock with Sanji and Zeff, so it has affected him in his later years. he's not a buff hunk, but he's not a slender twink either (google the english diver Tom Daley, that's sorta his body physique).

Ichiji also have a more androgynous face and dresses himself in a non-binary way. this is the reason why Brook mistook him for a woman at their first meeting, but Ichiji set him straight (lmao) after that. he's aware that gender is fluid and isn't always strictly male or female.

post timeskip and he's more comfortable in who he is. he did a lot of soul-searching for the two years he trained on an unknown canyon island and officially comes out as bisexual, demiromantic and genderqueer. he still uses he/him pronouns since he feels most comfortable with them.

headcanon 5 Ichiji keeps Zeff on the loop of most things and he does it whenever he gets a chance. he has the dial number to the Baratie memorized in his head and he gets his chance whenever he comes across a den-den mushi (for public use, often found in most inns at the islands they dock)

he informs Zeff where they are, what kind of adventures they've had so far, how he and Sanji are doing and asks how things are at the Baratie. he's sorta like a "dutiful son" (he canonically are, but it's very debated if it's because of his modifications)

the relationship between Zeff and Ichiji is portraited in a more mature-ish way. Ichiji is the older son, so he knows and understands more while Sanji is a little more bratty.

the minute there's total radio silence from Ichiji during WCI and there's shady people around the Baratie, that's when Zeff knows something is wrong

headcanon 6 Ichiji has the worst potty mouth. we all know that Sanji is foul-mouthed, but Ichiji is worse.

believe me, when they grew up on the Baratie, Ichiji listened to the cooks around him swearing and cursing up to a storm in the kitchens. everyone thought that he didn't care, compared to Sanji who mimicked them constantly (and got a pegleg on his head). but now, Ichiji was quiet because he was learning and memorizing from his surroundings until he got old enough to swear casually.

Ichiji isn't allowed around Chopper when he's in a bad mood, because his curses are so crude that neither Zoro or Sanji wants the little doctor to learn that.

no, he doesn't care if he's a bad influence. Ichiji has always done whatever he wanted. XD

[natashaslesbian]

We Saved Each Other (Part Five)

Summary: you’re continuing to grow everyday with Natasha, facing all kinds of challenges both new and old

Word Count: 4.1k

Parings: (Natasha Romanoff x Kid!Reader) (Maria, Clint and Fury appear)

Warnings: Red room references, abusive father references, nightmares, shouting, crying, but the fluffiest ending

————

Natasha was amazed at your progress. It had been a long 2 months but you were continuing to grow every day. You were starting to get more comfortable around the avengers but there was still some bonding to be done and many more mountains to be climbed.

-5 weeks at S.H.I.E.L.D-

“So” Fury said as he settled into his chair “how are the two of you settling in?” The director asked. Natasha glanced over to you through the glass, you were always scared when you couldn’t see her and truth being told Nat didn’t ever want to let you out of her sight either “we’re okay” she said “ok, and the truth?” Nick smirked “it’s been hard I guess” the widow wasn’t yet used to allowing her emotions to show “she doesn’t know any different” Natasha said, eyes still glued to you “we don’t know any different” she corrected.

“Woah y/n look at this one!” Maria said as reached right to the bottom of the box of brand new toys Clint had sent for you “what is it?” You asked as you waddled over “it’s a doll house” Maria said “do you wanna open it up and put it together?” Your eyes lit up, you had never had your own doll house “yes please” you said. It was a challenge for Maria, this whole situation was. The agent had her walls built so high and watching over you, playing with you, it brought a lot of memories back for her. “What are you going to name this one?” Maria said as she passed you the brand new doll “I can name it anything?” You asked “of course” Maria said.

“We can’t keep her here without a guardian much longer Romanoff” Nick coughed “what does that mean? Where are you gonna send her?” The panic ran up through Natasha’s spine “we don’t want to send her anywhere, but she needs a guardian” Nats blood settled again “are you asking me to do that?” She asked “I’m not asking you to do anything, in all honesty you can’t, you haven’t been a US citizen long enough” Nick said “you need to have been here at least 12 months” Natasha sighed “that’s another 2 months away” the red head said. She would be damed if these people just shipped you off somewhere new “why can’t she just stay here until I can be her guardian” Natasha asked “I didn’t know that’s what you wanted” Nick said, falling back into his chair. Shit. She was letting her guard down again, letting some stranger see her emotions “well I don’t want her just thrown into the care of someone else” the widow said “we can take care of her, I can take care of her. Please Fury, let me help her”

“Hey y/n” Nat said as she opened the door “you wanna get some lunch?” She asked, you shrunk into yourself again, still wanting to play but not wanting to get into trouble “okay” you nodded your head. Natasha picked up on your discomfort “would you like to stay and play a bit longer?” The red head asked “yes please” you timidly said. Maria said her goodbyes and Natasha came to join you on the carpet “what’s your dolly’s name?” She asked, your cheeks grew a certain red and you giggled “Natasha” you smiled “you named her Natasha? After me?” The agent asked “yeah” you shyly said “why did you do that?” Nat asked again “because you’re my best friend” you smiled up with your y/e/c “you’re my best friend too y/n” Natasha said, feeling her heart open more than it ever had.

-6 weeks at S.H.I.E.L.D-

You were so exhausted. Each time you slept your mind was plagued with demons, running around and throwing very bad memory into your consciousness. Right now was no different .“Y/n?” Natasha cooed “you’re okay y/n, wake up for me sweetheart” she pleaded. You had finally settled at 6am after a night of tears and no sleep. It was 8:30 now, things were going so well, Natasha was thrilled that you were getting some rest at last. “Y/n sweetheart, it’s Natty can you hear me?” She asked. You could hear her calling you but she was too far away, your father dragging you even further and pushing you into the arms of a strange man. Natasha cradled you in her lap, wiling you to wake through her thoughts “I’ve got you darling. It’s okay you’re safe” she continued to say.

Finally the darkness had gone and the overhead light stung your eyes slightly as you rolled away from it, further into Nat’s grip “Natty” you cried out “I’m here baby, I’m here” she said as she gently stoked your hair behind your ear “d- Dreykov” you whispered “its alright y/n. I won’t let him hurt you, he can’t get to you okay” Natasha said to you, and herself. “Do you want sprinkles?” Natasha asked, you nodded your head at the mention of your beloved stuffed bunny. The widow had bought if for you after your first nightmare, she had always wanted a stuffy and she was honoured to gift your first ever one to you.

You wrapped Sprinkles arms around your own while Natasha tucked you back into the soft sheets. “Get some sleep okay sweetheart” she said, bringing her hand back to your forehead, trailing her fingertips across your hair line “okay” you yawned “Natty?” You peered up at her “yeah?” She said as she sat on the plush mattress next to you. “can you sing me a song?” You asked “a song?” Nat asked in return, slightly terrified at the prospect of singing “yeah” you said sleepily “daddy used to sing me lullabies. Be-before he turned scary” you frowned and Natasha lent down to leave a kiss on your forehead, the action taking both of you by surprise “what did daddy used to sing for you?” The widow asked. You hummed in thought for a moment “I don’t remember” you said “how about I sing you one that my mommy used to sing to me?” Natasha smiled at the brief memory “where is your mommy?” You questioned as you rubbed your sore eyes “I don’t know, I haven’t seen her in 15 years” Nat believed Melina had died many years ago but she didn’t want to put that in your head “that’s a long time” you said “it is” Nat nodded “are you going to leave me for 15 years?” You quietly asked, afraid of the answer. Natasha couldn’t promise you anything, her future was just as unclear as yours but she was sure of one thing “I’m not going anywhere y/n” she said “now you close those eyes” her Russian accent filled your ears with a beautiful tune as she began to sing. Her comforting warmth lulling you into a deep slumber.

-7 weeks at S.H.I.E.L.D-

“No.” Natasha firmly said “I’m not going on this mission!” she slammed her hands on the wall “Romanoff” Fury warned, Maria cutting him off “the whole point of you coming here was that you would work under S.H.I.E.L.D” she said “well things have changed!” Natasha yelled “I need you for this mission Natasha” Fury boomed “I have to be here for y/n” Natasha said, scratching at her palms to calm her anger “you can’t stay glued to her side forever” Maria sighed. “You don’t get it!” The widow screamed, loosing all control “then explain it to us!” Fury said, mirroring Nat’s anger. “This is the safest place y/n has ever been but she doesn’t feel it yet.” Natasha began “she won’t feel safe for a long time and I may not be the perfect role model but I am the only one she trusts, the only one who will ever understand the hell she has been through!” Natasha’s voice was cracking, the tears threatening to spill “you both went through it” Maria said, catching the halls attention “they need time Nick” she said looking at her superior “a month is long enough” he said “no it’s not” Maria shot back “only Natasha and y/n can tell us when they’re ready” the brunette came to stand by Nats side, a silent promise that she was there for her. “So what do you need?” Nick asked “time” Natasha said.

“Natty?” You quietly called from the bedroom door, the three adults in the corridor turned their attention to you “hey y/n, are you okay?” Nat asked “why are you shouting?” You mumbled “sorry sweetheart we were just having a little disagreement” the red head said as she came to pick you up. She stopped immediately when you backed away from her “its okay no one’s angry” she cooed coming down to your level “I don’t like it” you sniffled “you sound like daddy” Natasha’s heart sank, she wanted to make a different impact on your life. “I’m sorry baby I didn’t mean to scare you” Nat said trying to defuse the situation. Her efforts fell short when Fury announced his exit with the slam of the corridor doors. You flinched and pushed past the red head into Maria’s legs, breaking Natasha’s heart without knowing it. She couldn’t hold it back this time, big strong Nat, the tears started to fall. She quickly stood and turned on her heels walking past you and Maria, intertwined together. “Natasha” the agent called after the widow, her sobs fading and allowing her to hear yours. “It’s alright y/n, let’s go and get a hot chocolate okay”

Natasha caught the faint red stain in the mirror as she turned on her feet, the blood beginning to seep through her pointe shoes. This was the only way to let it all out. She had cried enough, spent too long feeling sorry for herself. Now she needed to make up for her mistake, and she needed to forget the look on your little face. The balletic music filled her head enough that Natasha didn’t notice when Clint came into the studio, only realising he was there when she caught his frame landing from a leap. She continued to twirl until Clint stopped the music “that looks painful” he said as he pointed to Natasha’s shoes, she simply shrugged. “Maria called” Clint began “told me what happened earlier. Why are you punishing yourself?” He asked. There it was again, the feeling of her tears creeping up on her “because I’m a monster” she whispered “No. you’re not” the spy said as he handed his teammate a fresh water bottle. He tilted his gaze to the bench and Natasha understood the message. “You’re allowed to be hurt too you know” Clint said as he passed nat a first aid kit, understanding that she would probably want to tend to her own wounds herself. “This has been a huge scary change for you, and for y/n. It’s not always going to be easy” Clint settled on the bench close to Natasha “she got scared Nat, but she won’t stay scared. I see it in her face, she trusts you, you just reminded her of a time I’m sure she’d rather forget” Nat looked over to her fellow agent every few seconds, in between placing her sneakers back onto her bruised feet “do you remember your second week here?” Clint asked “we were training in the gym. You dodged my right hook and I took you straight to the floor, and you stayed there for an hour. You were afraid, because I reminded you of a time you would rather forget” Natasha thought about the memory in detail, imagining that’s how you must have felt today “but here you are now, sat here with me. And I know you’ll never admit it, but I see it on your face too; I see that you trust me” the two shared a glance, accompanied with a small smile. Feeling content that Natasha was safe to be on her own, Clint left her to ponder. Ponder about you.

When Natasha found you, you were watching finding nemo. You and nat had watched it together for the first time last week. Maria was close by and Natasha wished it was her next to you instead of sprinkles. “Hey y/n” she quietly said, not wanting to startle you “mind if I join you?” She asked from a safe distance, thrilled when you nodded. She sat on the armchair next to the couch and you instantly knew that she was too far away for your liking. Shuffling down of the cushions you made your way over to Natasha and slotted your hand into hers, a large smile forming on her face. You pulled her to her feet and dragged her back to your mountain of blankets, silently asking her to join you, which she of course did. After a while of content movie watching, Maria excused herself, leaving you and Natasha to talk. “Y/n” Nat said, drawing your focus to her “I’m so sorry I scared you today” you looked up to her emerald eyes and saw nothing but regret, a look your father never had. He had never told you he was sorry after shouting and he definitely didn’t after he had thrown you around the house. You knew Natasha was different, every touch to your skin was gentle and every sentence was soft. “I forgive you” you said noticing a tear forming in the corner of Natasha’s eye “don’t cry Natty” you said as you came to your knees and crawled to wipe away her stray tear. “I promise you I will never hurt you y/n, you don’t have to be scared of me” Natasha sniffled “‘M not scared of you” you sat back on your heels “but I am scared of daddy” you admitted “and I’m scared of Dreykov, and the red room. I don’t wanna go back there” Natasha broke hearing you say the very same words she had once pleaded. “You don’t ever have to go back there baby” the red head cried with you “not to the red room and not to daddy, you can stay with me forever” you collapsed into Nats arms and held on tight, you knew you were never letting go “look at me y/n” Natasha said as she lifted your chin with her pinky “it’s okay to be afraid. I’m afraid too sometimes, but me and you are gonna stick together and I will always look after you” he sniffled “I’ll look after you too Natty”

-Week 8 at S.H.I.E.L.D-

Waking up next to Natasha felt safe. She was warm and always had one arm holding you close. The widow had tried to coax you into your own bed, adjacent to her own on the other side of the room. Each night, however, you would always end up cuddled together. Natasha understood it was where you felt most comfortable but still dealing with her own nightmares at the same time was hard, thankfully you were a heavy sleeper but Nat always feared she would startle you awake too.

Today was a big day. You hadn’t been outside of the S.H.I.E.L.D grounds since you arrived, the outside world seeming too scary. Natasha had seen you though, staring up at the city through the fencing. Your little mind was so curious and you had yet to explore the world outside of an abusive environment. You were excitedly nervous when Natasha told you she needed to take a trip to the store, you had never been to one of those before. The red head didn’t really need to go but it was a good excuse to get you out of HQ. She had agreed with Fury that a car of specialist agents would follow close behind, dressed in everyday clothes as to not frighten you although they were ultimately there to protect you. Fury accepted Natasha’s many requests, despite not fully understanding why he needed 10 members of his team watching the surrounding areas.

“Good morning Natty” you said as you gently laid your weight over her stomach, you were clingiest in the morning and Natasha loved it. Thinking back to the first few weeks you were here, it was remarkable that you accepted her loving touch so easily now. “Are you looking forward to our trip out today?” Nat asked “yeah. But ‘M a little nervous” you mumbled behind a yawn “that’s alright sweetheart” Natasha said as she pushed your baby hairs to the side “I’ll keep you safe y/n” she smiled, and you smiled back. The redhead considered asking you if you wanted to go to a cafe for breakfast but thought that might be too much for todays adventure.

“Okay, other foot darling” Natasha said as reached for the laces on your right shoe. “Alright, I think we’re ready to go!” She finished with a gentle pat to your shoe clad foot. You followed Natasha through the building towards the garage area, reaching for her hand every now and then but deciding against it. “Woah!” You said as you helped the redhead push open the door “would you like to pick a car? We’re allowed to take any one that we want!” She said “yes please” you excitedly giggled and instantly moved towards the convertible Volkswagen Beatle. “You wanna take the bug y/n?” Nat asked, you nodded with anticipation and the widow helped you into the car seat Maria had gotten for you.

You were amazed. The trees swaying so freely, all the colours in the bushes just filled with flowers. You couldn’t keep still the entire journey, every corner filling your little mind with wonder. As curious as you were, you failed to catch the unmarked S.H.I.E.L.D car trailing you. Natasha however, was glancing in the mirror every few moments to make sure they were still there, your safety being her number one priority. You got excited when the tall buildings of the city came into view but were immediately disappointed when Natasha took a left turn into a car park. “Ok here we are!” Nat said “do you have the list I gave you sweetheart?” You held up the notepad high to show Natasha you had taken good care of it.

When you reached for Natasha’s hand this time, just outside the shop doors, she obliged straight away. Keeping a tight grip on you and the basket in her other hand, she asked you what was the first item on the list. Natasha didn’t actually need any of the things she had written down but they were basic necessities so would one day become useful. You stayed close to your best friend the entire time, starting to feel slightly overwhelmed as the store filled up with customers. The lights were getting to bright and the mixed sent from each department was too much but as long as Natasha was beside you, you knew you would be okay. “Ok I think we’re all done darling” the redhead said “shall we double check?” She continued as she put down the heavy basket. You began to list of every item on your piece of paper “toothpaste” you said “check” Natasha answered “shampoo”

“Check”

“Soap”

“Check”

“Lotion”

“Check! I think we’re all good!” Natasha finally said after you had ticked of every item. “You’ve been so helpful y/n, how about we go and pick you out a new outfit?” Truth be told you were ready to leave but you had been eyeing up the clothes every time you wandered past “okay” you said and retook Nat’s hand.

You didn’t like this section anymore, at first it had been fun all these bright colours and pretty dresses, but each time you picked something out Natasha would let go of your hand to pull it off the rail. Eventually both your hands were so full of clothes that you had no way to connect, thankfully Natasha had suggested that it was time to leave so you followed close by to the checkout making sure you could see her red locks the entire time. A group of teenagers came charging towards you both, taking you by surprise and causing you drop your new sneakers. You quickly lent down to grab them but when you looked up again Natasha’s red hair was no where to be seen. You immediately panicked, not being able to see the widow, dropping everything in your grasp to run ahead and catch up to her. You expected she would be just around the corner but when you shuffled around on the slippery floor, she wasn’t there. A gentlemen came up behind you with your discarded items “here you go y/n” the man said, causing you to let out a squeal at the unwelcome touch “no go away!” You screamed and ran in the opposite direction.

Meanwhile, Natasha was frantically searching for you in every isle and around every bend. “Y/n?” She called at every corner. All your shopping was long gone by now, nothing mattered more to Natasha than you did. She ran through the store, halting when she saw agent Carlos holding the clothes and shoes you had picked out. She came crashing into him demanding to know where you were “she got frightened and ran off agent Romanoff” he timidly said, fearing the darkness in the red heads eyes. “Well contact everyone else! Find her!” She demanded and began to race the store in search for you again.

The toy isle seemed a great place to hide, you knocked the boxes of the bottom shelf causing quite a commotion. While pushing the remaining toys out of your way, agent Hill had caught you in the corner of her eye “Romanoff I’ve got her, the toy section” she said into the cuff of her sleeves drawing questioning looks from other customers. Just before you could climb into your hidden safe space, an arm interlocked with your own “no!” You yelled “let me go!” You kicked as Maria pulled you towards her “it’s alright y/n it’s me” she pleaded. Through your teary eyes, you couldn’t quite make out her face and although you recognised her voice she wasn’t who you wanted “no! I want mama! Where’s my mama!” You cried out.

Natasha came speeding down the shop floor, scanning every isle despite knowing where you were. A huddle of onlookers had appeared, Nat simply pushed through them ignoring their huffs of disapproval. She rounded the corner to see you backing away from Maria screaming for your mom, how Natasha’s heart broke, knowing she could never bring her back to you. “Y/n?” The widow said, your head immediately whipping to her direction, your screams stopped for a moment but your howling increased as your eyes met Natasha’s “mama!” You cried as your feet picked up and you ran straight for her. Natasha’s world fell still, you were calling for her. Calling a name she had only dreamed of one day hearing and knew she never would. “Mommy!” you cried once more as Natasha’s world came back to life, her own feet leading her towards you. “Come here baby girl!” She said, and moments later your bodies collided into the most loving embrace the two of you had ever witnessed “mommy’s here y/n” she said into your ear as you cried into her shoulder “please don’t leave me mommy!” You sobbed “I’m not going anywhere y/n, I promise” Natasha said “mama’s got you. Let’s go home baby”

That night, Natasha welcomed you into her bed, wanting to hold you close. You had spent all evening trying on your new clothes (Maria had made sure they were purchased along with the toys you had accidentally broken) you had put on a fashion show for your new mama and required her validation for every outfit, not that you needed it. You had worn yourself out before your usual bedtime and Natasha had decided the two of you would have a movie night. Your eyes had fell closed no more than 30 minutes into the first film. Nat turned off the lights, leaving just the one on her bedside table, you shifted as the redhead pulled the duvet up to cover you both “mh” you whined “mama” you huffed as you cuddled into her side “I’m here sweetheart” your mommy said, holding you tightly in her arms. You fell soundly asleep in the arms of your mom, the woman you love most in the world. As for Natasha, she fell asleep holding in her hands what had only ever been a dream. A dream the red room had tried to take away from her, yet here she was holding her daughter, holding you.

————

This is the longest fic I’ve ever written so I apologise if there’s any mistakes I tried my best to get it done quickly as well and with my dyslexic ass there’s probably mistakes all over it

Happy new year guys🩷

[ashleyfilm]

Seeing Clearly - Chapter. 12 The Millers

Hi Everyone! This is the end of our main story. There will be an epilogue and maybe some follow up one shots, especially if anyone wants to request that. Thanks to everyone who has interacted, reblogged, liked, and commented. This is my first fan fiction and it's been such a joy to write and to post. Love you all! There is a character name reveal (it's pretty obvious sorry) and the fluff in this one is real. Unrealistic happy ending for Peepaw Joel and Ash.

Chapter Warnings: FLUFF (so much it'll make you sick), angst, cursing, smut, spanking, squirting, unprotected PIV, oral female and male receiving, all consensual - Minors - DNI

Characters: Jackson!Joel Miller x F!OC Plus Size

Chapter Summary: The newest Miller is born. You and Joel finally get on the same page. 4.9K

Ch 1 Ch 2 Ch 3 Ch 4 Ch 5 Ch 6 Ch 7 Ch 8 Ch 9 Ch 10 Ch 11

Chapter 12. The Millers

“Shh, it’s okay little baby. Yeah, see, let me hand you to your big, strong Uncle Joel,” you coo and smile brightly as you pass the most perfect little baby girl you’ve ever held into Joel’s waiting arms. “Hi little angel, she looks just like Maria, thank God,” Joel says shooting you a wink and a smirk that says, ‘watch this’ as Tommy says, “HEY! I heard that!” from the kitchen.

It’s been a few days since the baby was born and you’ve been sleeping on the couch at Maria and Tommy’s taking shifts looking after their new little one. You and Joel hadn’t been able to be alone or talk much at all. Just exchanging glances and quick kisses in the hallway when no one was around.

“Hey,” Joel whisper shouts and then grabs your hand when you come out of the bathroom and pulls you to him. “Hi,” you whisper back, smiling up at him. He pulls you in for a kiss, its chaste and sweet but it still makes butterflies erupt in your stomach. Then he pulls you into a hug, his arms around your shoulders and yours around his middle. He hides his face in your neck and breathes you in. You’re certain you don’t smell great, no shower for a couple of days, dealing with newborn baby things you won’t mention by name, but Joel relaxes into the hug with a sigh of pure contentment. Tommy walks around the corner and you jump apart. “Well, don’t let me interrupt,” he says with a wink and Joel flips him the bird. Those moments are few and far between, always interrupted by someone in the Miller family and don’t lead to any talk of substance. Just stolen kisses and embraces that feel like you’re flying.

Back in the living room, Maria sits in the big cozy chair, smiling Joel holding the baby, while Ellie sits on the couch with her pad and colored pencils. Ellie says excitedly, “Okay, okay, I’ve waited long enough, what’s her name so I can draw this sign for her room!” Tommy walks into the room and stands next to Maria smiling down at her, encouraging her to tell everyone with a nod. Joel sits down next to Ellie with the baby in his arms and you stand next to the fireplace.

 Maria finally speaks, “Okay, well, her name is Chloe…Sarah Miller.” The room goes quiet, your heart beats in your chest and tears form in your eyes, everyone looks to Joel, who is looking down at Chloe as a smile forms on his face, “Hey Chloe.” You want to run to him but this thing with you and he is all so new and so instead you’re frozen in place. “Your cousin, Sarah would have loved you so much, and now you share her name, little baby. And your other cousin, Ellie is gonna take good care of you your whole life, okay?” Ellie is holding tears back now too. Tommy and Maria look at each other with smiles. Joel looks up at you a tear streaming down his cheek but a big smile on his face as he says, “Chloe Sarah Miller, how about that? Thank you, Tommy, thank you, Maria. She’s perfect.” He wipes his cheek and laughs a little at himself. Tommy speaks then, “Well, Chloe, I think you’ve got your grumpy Uncle Joel wrapped around your finger, huh?” Joel takes the baby and passes her to Maria for a feeding, then Joel stands up and gives Tommy a bear hug and the two of them walk outside to the front porch all smiles.

Overwhelmed with all the emotion in the air, you retreat to the kitchen and sit down to get a moment to yourself. You think of all the things that have happened in the last few days. It’s all good stuff but it’s a lot. You feel like you have whiplash, and you’re afraid everything is going to come crashing down around you. Joel will decide he doesn’t want you and he’ll push you away. You’ll lose all this. Ellie, Maria, Tommy and Chloe. A family. You haven’t had a family in over 20 years, and when you were captured by the raiders you didn’t have time to think about what family would feel like anymore, you were living moment to moment trying to survive. For this to be taken from you now, you don’t think you could survive it.

You start to hear voices coming from the front porch, Joel and Tommy talking. “You two look mighty cozy, big brother,” Tommy says, and you can hear the smile in his voice. Joel scoffs, “Tommy, it’s early. You need to keep your mouth shut, I don’t even know what’s going on, so I don’t need you guessin’ and making assumptions.” Tommy sighs, “Joel, listen to me, you’ve got somethin’ good goin’ with her, don’t ruin this for yourself. You seem happy, different, it’s a good thing.” It’s quiet for a moment until Joel speaks again, “I wouldn’t go that far, but I heard what you said, now drop it. Focus on bein’ a father to that baby of yours.” You feel your heart lurch in your chest. He doesn’t know what’s going on? What the fuck? Just a few days ago he confessed his affections for you, he looked you in the eye, and you thought, he might have been about to tell you he, that he, fuck, you’re so stupid. You had to get out of there, as soon as Tommy walks in the front door you have your boots pulled on, still unlaced but you hightail it out of there towards your apartment.

Joel stands and calls out to you, “Hey, Ash, where the hell are you going?” When you don’t respond he looks at Tommy, who shakes his head, “She heard you, you asshole, you better go make it right. You can lie to me about how you feel but you better tell her the truth and soon.” Joel nods slowly and takes off after you. Before you can reach the main street, he’s caught up to you. Damn your short legs. You stop when he grabs your arm gently and turns you to him. “Joel, I don’t want to hear it. One second you want me, the next you’re not sure what’s going on with us. I don’t think you understand how much your words and actions affect me. It’s not worth it. It hurts too much. I can’t have you wake up one day and decide I don’t matter,” your voice breaks and tears flood your eyes.

Joel grabs your face in his hands. “Ash, stop, baby listen. I don’t want Tommy in my business, what you heard was just what I was sayin’ to him to get him off my back. With the baby comin’, you and I haven’t had a chance to talk about this,” he gestures between you and himself. “And I wanted you to know before Tommy. You need to hear it first.” He wipes the tears from your eyes with his thumbs and smiles at you. You smile back, hopeful, scared, excited. Joel swallows, takes a deep breath and continues, “I love you. I’m so sorry it took me this lo—.” You shush him putting your fingers to his lips and closing your eyes as you whisper, “Say that again, Joel.” You feel him smile under your fingers and he whispers, “I love you.” Then he says it again, “I love you,” with a kiss, “I love you.” He puts his forehead to yours and you open your eyes as you say, “I love you, Joel. I think I always have.” He smiles big this time and so do you, and you kiss him again.

After a moment of stillness, togetherness, he says, “Come with me.” He grabs your tiny hand in his and walks you back to Tommy and Maria’s. He opens the door and leads you in with a hand at the small of your back. When you enter the living room, Tommy holding baby Chloe, Ellie drawing her name on her pad of paper, Maria knitting a blanket, they all look up expectantly. Joel takes your hand again and clears his throat, you have no idea what the fuck is going on but you’re along for the ride, whatever it is. Ellie breaks the silence, “What the fuck, Joel?” Joel scowls at her, “Ellie, language. Um, okay. I’m in love with Ash. I needed to tell her before anyone else, but I need her to know that we’re all on the same page here. I’m in love with her and she’s going to move back in with us, Ellie, if that’s okay with you. Even if it’s not okay with you, we’ll talk about it till it is because it’s happening. Everyone clear on this?” Maria smirks into her knitting needles, Ellie’s mouth is basically on the floor, Tommy can’t help the laugh that escapes him, and your cheeks are red. Then he does something you would never expect, he grabs your face and kisses you and says, “I love you, baby. And now everyone who matters knows. Wanna move in with me?” Chloe pipes in now with an incredibly adorable coo/giggle. And then everyone laughs except you and Joel who can’t stop smiling and looking into each other’s eyes.

Joel speaks again since you don’t respond, driving the point home, “I want everyone to know because I’m not letting one more stupid thing I do stop us from bein’ together. I wanna make you happy; I wanna make you laugh; I wanna make you smile. I wanna make you feel safe, every day and every night.” Ellie wolf whistles at that and Tommy smacks her on the back of the head lightly. “I want everyone in this town to know you’re mine and I’m all yours. So, again, will you move in with me?” You look around at everyone, they’re all waiting with bated breath. Then you look back up at Joel, his eyes, they’re always the key to unlocking him and right now, they’re hopeful and nervous and joyful and so you say, “Yes, Joel. I’ll move in with you, if it’s okay with Ellie.” Ellie speaks up, “Fine by me, just don’t be so loud that I can hear you out back, barf.” Another swat from Tommy. Joel looks happier than you’ve ever seen him, he kisses you again and says, “Okay, let’s go get your stuff.” You laugh, “What, right now?” He looks at you confused, “Uh, yeah, now, what… you need to wait till your lease is up?” You smirk at him then direct your attention to the others in the room, “Okay, we’ll be back in a little while, I guess. Are you all gonna be fine without us?” Maria and Tommy look at each other and smirk then Maria speaks, “You two lovebirds take your time, we’ll be here.” She winks at you and your cheeks go red again. Ellie gets up and hugs you and you look at Joel shocked, he smiles at you and then brings you both into his arms. Ellie yelps, “Ugh, our first family hug, I may die of cheesiness.” She starts to push you both away, “Mom, Dad, let go! Go “move in” we all know that’s just code for doin’ it.” Joel smiles, winks at you and says, “Oh no, babe, she cracked the code.” A resounding boo comes from Maria, Tommy and Ellie chimes in, Joel puts his arm around your shoulder and walks you out the front door.

“Baby,” Joel whispers and you look up at his beautiful face, “we are gonna move your stuff, but it was also code because I’m gonna make love to you till you beg me to stop.” You feel slick pooling in between your legs just at his voice and his words. “Okay,” you say to him with a coy smile. He looks serious and says, “Okay, what?” “Okay…Daddy?” you respond. His eyes roll in the back of his head in pleasure, and he kisses your temple, with a grunt and sighs, “Good girl. Look, I love you, honey. I’m not going anywhere; I’ll prove it to you every day till you believe it.” You breathe in his perfect scent and look into his eyes again before saying, “I believe it, Joel. But you can keep proving it too me, that sounds nice.” “I’ll prove it to you in some not so nice ways too, baby,” he says with a growl. “I like the sound of that too, Mr. Miller,” you tell him with a wink. “Alright then, let’s get you home,” with that Joel puts his hand in your back right pocket and walks you back down to main street to your temporary home.

You put the last of your things in a box to carry back to Joel’s house. All that was left was the black wolf Joel gave to you. He holds it in his hands as you walk over to him. You wrap your arms around him and give him a squeeze, he puts an arm around your shoulders holding you close and says, “You know I knew I loved you the night I painted this. It only took a few days to figure it out.” You hummed in response and let him keep talking. “I thought I was done feelin’ this way, I didn’t think I could fall in love anymore. And then you upend my life, how dare you?” he says with a twinkle in his eyes. “You said you liked it and soon as you got upstairs, I painted it. I didn’t even think I’d ever give it to you. Didn’t think I could ever be enough for you. I still don’t think I am.” You smack him on the ass in irritation at the thought, but he continues, “That mornin’ that we kissed, I’ve never wanted anyone more in my life than in that moment. And that’s what scared me. I shouldn’t be allowed to want somethin’ so much. Certainly, shouldn’t be allowed to have it.” He sighs, “But…I couldn’t help puttin’ this wolf with your things before you left. Couldn’t watch you leave though, too painful.” He squeezes you a little tighter, touching your face with the wolf in his hands softly, “I will never stop being sorry for hurtin’ you, Ash. I, I thought I was doin’ what was best, but I know now that staying away from you just hurt you more. I swear to you, I’ll never do it again. I’m right here, by your side, till the end.”

You press a kiss to the wolf and look up at Joel, his eyes are wet, and so are yours. “Joel, I really do forgive you. And I love my wolf. Actually…,” your cheeks turn pink, “the night you came here to talk to me and then you heard me, you know,” Joel looks at you with a smirk and a questioning look in his eyes now, “I actually used the wolf… down there, I don’t know what came over me.” He closes his eyes and holds the wolf a little tighter biting his lip to hold in a groan of pleasure. “Well, baby, we might just have to use it again sometime. But for now,” he says while he puts the wolf away in the box on the dresser, “I want ya all to myself. One more time, in this bed, a goodbye to our temporary time apart.” Joel turns back to you and takes your face in his hands and presses his lips to yours in a perfectly slow kiss.

Joel starts to pull up the hem of your shirt, “Can I take this off, baby?” You nod looking in his eyes, he slowly starts to pull all your clothes from you while you unbutton his flannel and move to his belt. In moments, you both stand in front of each other unclothed, taking in each other’s bodies. You touch first, touching shaking fingers to the scars littering Joel’s chest and stomach. Joel then touches you, putting a hand on your neck and running it down your collarbone to your breast that’s heaving with your quick breathing. His other hand petting your lovehandle and running down to your hip. He reaches for your ass and pulls you close to him. “Baby, you are perfect. I love every inch of this body of yours. Fuck, do you see what you do to me,” he groans as he pushes your head to look down at his rock-hard cock that’s pressing into your tummy.

You spit in you palm and take him in your hand. You hand is comically small compared to the size of him and you put your other hand in Joel’s, using him to help you down to your knees. Joel bites his bottom lip, looking down at you with adoration. “Baby, you don’t-,” his breath hitches in his throat as you take him into your mouth. His eyes close shut as you hum around his length. His hand flies to your hair, holding you in place. As he opens his eyes, he locks them with yours and a whimper flies from him. “Never seen anythin’ so pretty,” he barely gets the words out and you take him as far into your throat as you can while you cup his balls lightly. “Oh, fuck, baby, all the way? You takin’ all of me in your throat? Baby. God, s'perfect. Unnnggg. Baby, stop, stop, it’s so good, gonna make me come too soon,” he says brokenly, tapping your head lightly to get you to stop. You pull your mouth away, frowning, tears springing from your eyes. Joel smiles at your frown, “Oh, s'it make you sad not to have your mouth full of my cock, baby?” “Mmm hhm,” you say fighting a smile as Joel pulls you back up to standing.

You wince, “I’m gonna need a pillow for my knees next time, I’m not as spry as I used to be.” Joel chuckles as he takes off your glasses and sets them down on the nightstand, “You’re amazing, that was plenty spry, and I’ll make it my mission to find a knee pillow for just that purpose.” You smile up at him, a tinge of embarrassment colors your cheeks. “Hey, come here,” Joel commands as he pulls your mouth to his kissing you passionately, asking for more, more, more with his hands and his tongue. He tastes perfectly Joel, a flavor you’ve come to recognize and crave. He gently lays you down on the bed sideways, while he remains standing. He maneuvers your legs straight in the air resting on his chest and pulls your ass against the top of his thighs. He takes his fingers and slides them against your folds and groans, “I just knew you’d be soaked, always so wet for me, aren’t you, baby?” You whimper beneath him as he lines up his cock with your entrance and enters you slowly, relishing in every feeling, every touch of your bodies coming together. It's heaven. Nothing and no one has ever made you feel this good.

You moan so loudly and gutturally, overwhelmed with the size of Joel and the pleasure he’s giving you. Joel’s eyes turn black as he fucks into you slow and deep, “The fucking sounds you make drive me out of my mind.” You respond, your voice already raspy, “Don’t hold back, Joel, I can take it, give it to me.”  Joel’s eyes widen at that, and he increases his pace and intensity to a level you’ve never experienced. “You want me to fuck you hard, baby, I can do that,” he says breathing heavily over you. “Oh. My. God. Joel. Fuck. Don’t stop. It’s. So. Good.” Almost every word bursting from you with every thrust he makes. “Daddy, it feels, oh god. Spank me, please, Joel,” he looks at you with a wicked smile, “I knew you liked it.” And he surprises you still with a hard smack to your left ass cheek, then tickles his fingers up the back of your thighs. It feels so good the pain and then the tenderness. You want him to just take full control of you. Before you can think too much on that, he smacks your right cheek, tickling up your thigh. His voice breaks as he says, “God, you love it, your perfect cunt squeezin’ so hard every time, ugh.” You feel yourself coming apart completely as you warn him, “Joel, oh, I’m, I’m, I’m gonna come, Joel oh fuck, oh Daddy!” Joel takes his fingers and presses them to your clit right as you come undone, and you feel a splash as you squirt liquid onto Joel’s thighs and the floor. You’ve never experienced this before. You didn’t even know it was possible. It felt so good, so intense and animalistic, like your body was pushed to its absolute limit in that moment. Joel keeps fucking into you as you ride your high, “Oh my god, you did so good, look at that, made a mess everywhere. Fuck, baby, you fucking squirted, good girl, that’s so good.” He starts to slow as you seem to get overwhelmed. He kisses your foot down to your ankle as he pulls out of you, still hard as steel, dripping with evidence of your pleasure, he looks like some kind of god.

He pushes you further into the bed and lays your head on the pillow as he joins you. Pulling you close to him and kissing you incessantly and he speaks between kisses, “Baby, have you done that before?” You shake your head, and he continues, “Wow, fuck, it was amazing, did it feel good?” You nod, still incoherent and coming back down to Planet Earth. He pets your head and rubs his hand up and down your body, touching you sweetly, “I love you so much, I think you and I were made to fuck, I mean it.” You start to giggle at that, still out of breath till you finally say, “I think so too, god, Joel, you’re incredible.” Joel laughs at that and begins to climb down the bed and in between your legs, leaving a trail of kisses down your body till he’s kissing your mound just above your pussy. You speak a little panicked, “Joel, you don’t have to-, oh god, Joel.” He pushes his tongue directly into your slick hole as deep as he can, moaning and humming filling your cunt with tingles and vibrations and suction, driving you out of your mind. “I had to taste you baby, just needed a little taste of her,” he tells you from between your legs, and all you see is his hair peeking out over your belly because you can’t lift your head at all.

“Just a little though,” he says, and you whine at the loss while he kisses his way back up your body, making quite a long stop at your breasts where he bites and sucks marks all over your chest. “Mine,” he says either to your tits or to himself, you’re not sure but it makes you smile all the same. When he gets up to your face he says, “Open.” You immediately obey and he spits into your mouth, “Taste yourself.” Then he licks into your mouth and kisses you mixing his spit, yours and your come all together for you to enjoy. “I need you,” you squeak out. “Make love to me, Joel. Please,” you beg, and Joel enters you quickly. “Anything you ask me for, I’ll give you,” Joel moans out and then he puts his forehead to yours and slowly thrusts and grinds himself into you. You feel his weight all over you and in you and your eyes never leave his. “I love you, Joel,” you say as tears start to form in your eyes. “I love you, Ash,” Joel says, his eyes glassy too. “You want to know my real name?” you ask with a small smile, moaning at the way he pushes into you deeper at the question. “You were actually really close, it’s, fuckkk,” you scream, he’s just so big, “It’s Ashley.” Joel laughs and stills his movement, “Damn, Ashley, I was so close.” He picks up speed now and kisses you deeply before saying, “Ashley, its beautiful, fuck, Ashley, Ashley, Ashley, I love you, Ashley. Fuck, I’m gonna come. I’m gonna fill you up, Ashley. You want that?” “Yes, Joel, I need it, please.” “Oh, here it comes, ugh, baby, Ashley, you feel so good, I love you,” he’s yelling at this point and spills his hot come into you. After a few seconds he hasn’t stopped, “Oh god, I’m still coming, fuck, I have so much for you, Ashley. Fuck. Look what you do to me, take it baby, take all of it, it’s yours.” You squeeze his biceps as you come again, “I love you, Joel, I love you so much.”

Many moments later, the two of you are wrapped around each other, Joel is playing with your hair, and you are running you hand along his hip and outer thigh. “Baby?” you ask, and just hums in response, “Can you keep my real name a secret, I only want you to know.” He speaks slowly, pulling you tighter to him, “It’s our little secret, baby.” Before you can drift off to sleep, Joel takes you in the shower to clean up, unfortunately, you get dirty again in the show with Joel fucking you from behind. And then you clean up again. Then you get dressed and walk your boxes back to Joel and Ellie’s house, your house too now. As you pass, people in town notice the two of you and whisper to each other. You’ve both been a little dramatic since you met, and the town’s been guessing on the will they/won’t they of it all like you were part of some old sitcom. Well, they will. You and Joel, and you’re proud to walk with him and have people know.

When you get to the house you find Ellie setting the table for three for dinner. You put the boxes down by the stairs and pull out the wolf to place back on the mantle where you originally saw it. Booping it on the nose as you do. Joel smiles warmly at you. You smile back at him. Ellie makes a coughing sound to get your attention, “Hey lovebirds, stop it. I got dinner from the food hall, figured you’d be hungry after whatever it is you did all afternoon, please don’t tell me anything.” You go over and hug the little gremlin of a teenager and say, “Thank you, Els, that’s really nice of you.” She hugs you back then pushes you to sit so she can serve you, “Yeah, yeah, I just figured it would be a nice welcome home dinner or whatever.” You look up at Joel trying to control the tears that are building in your eyes. Ellie speaks again, “Okay, it’s not that big of a deal, I just picked it up and brought it here, relax.” You put your hand over your mouth and Joel sits down at the head of the table next to you looking at you when he speaks to Ellie, “You did good, kid. Thanks.” Ellie goes on to serve the meal and fill your glasses, you eat as a family, laughing, asking Ellie about her friends, talking about baby Chloe. Ellie even talks about Dina and Joel looks at you with affection, you both knowing that Ellie is embarking on her own love story now too. Joel suggests Dina come to dinner next Friday and Ellie agrees, her cheeks red. After everything you’ve all lost, it’s amazing what you’ve found here together in the end.

That night, you and Joel get ready for bed side by side, brushing your teeth but smiling at each other as you do. Changing into sleep clothes, Joel’s happy to learn that you sleep in just panties, which you’re only doing now because you feel safe enough sleeping with him next to you. You do keep one of his t-shirts on the nightstand just in case. When you move to put the t-shirt there, you see the copy of No Country for Old Men laying there, you pick it up and thumb through it. Joel speaks up, “I’m about halfway,” and you hmm in response. “Second read through,” he adds. And a smile forms on your lips. He smiles up at you, “Think I’m gonna keep it here, for sentimental reasons. Think I’ll get fined by the sexy Librarian?” He pulls you to lay your head on his chest, your arm across his torso and your leg tangled between his. You giggle and say, “I have an in with her, I think I can get her to cut you some slack.” He chuckles and presses a kiss to your head and whispers, “’Night, my love.” You smile into his chest, and he smiles too. “Night, Joel,” you whisper back. You’re both asleep within minutes. And you never have another nightmare as long as Joel is sleeping next to you and neither does he.

The next morning you wake up more refreshed than you’ve felt in decades. Joel’s warmth surrounding you, his light snore comforting you like a noise machine. He feels you stirring and starts to stir as well. You try to pull yourself from him, but he squeezes you tighter. “Jooooooel, I need to pee,” you whine as he starts to kiss your skin any part his lips can reach. “Unnnnng, okay baby, go ahead,” he says loosening his grip but quickly pulls you back again. You giggle and a chuckle rumbles from deep in Joel’s chest. He actually lets you go now. You take a breath looking in the mirror as you wash your hands. You barely recognize the woman you see. She’s so happy. It makes you smile, then you see the marks on your breasts, light purple and blue bruises, evidence of Joel, you run your finger over the marks lovingly.

You hear a grunt coming from the bedroom, you walk towards the door calling out for Joel and open the door. “Joel, are you, oh my god.” There’s Joel in his little black boxer briefs and a smile on one knee, hence the grunt, holding a gold band with a small, beautiful diamond on it. “Ashley, baby, ever since I met you, you’ve opened me up,” Joel says, shifting his back knee around. You rush to him, “Joel, baby, stand up.” You help him stand, “Okay, continue,” you say tears filling your eyes. He holds your hand smiling at you, “You pulled me out of a hole I was hiding in. You are everything to me, I never want to be without you for the rest of my days. I want to love you forever. You wanna be an official Miller? Marry me?” You kiss him deeply, tears running down your cheeks. “Yes, Joel, I really do want to marry you. I want to be a Miller.” He smiles at you and kisses you, putting the ring on your finger, it fits perfectly.  “Joel, I can’t believe you, where did you find this?” “Found it on patrol about a month ago, after we went on patrol the first time. And something told me to keep it,” Joel says as he kisses you again. “Mrs. Miller, sounds pretty good,” Joel says wrapping his arms around you and holding you tight. “I love you, Joel.” He smiles into your hair and whispers it back to you, never letting you go.

The End.

Taglist:

@somedayheaven@guelyury@elegantduckturtle@indiegirlunited@cheekychaos28 @ghostofzion @harriedandharassed @missladym1981 @littlemisspascal @brittmb115 @sarahhxx03

[tightjeansjavi]

Slow Hands | Chapter 4

“I used to float, now I just fall down”

A/N: so I already forewarned that this was going to be a particularly heavy chapter. I also just want to say that I don’t claim to be a medical expert on the effects trauma can have on a person. I also do not self diagnose, but I did a lot of research on the reasoning behind why Beanie doesn’t have any recollection of what happened to her. I specifically researched‘dissociative amnesia’ caused by trauma. Some of the symptoms may include a person forgetting part or all of the traumatic event, and having a ‘foggy’ memory of trauma, or feeling like ‘it didn’t happen to you.’ However, even if you are unable to recall specific details, your body still does which would explain Beanie’s flight or fight response to specific sounds. Depending on the person, your body may associate certain sounds, sights, and smells to a specific traumatic event. Thank you for reading 🤎

~word count: 4.1k~

Pairing | Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: while on patrol, Tommy and Joel make a gruesome discovery.

Warnings: disturbing/distressing themes that may be harmful to some viewers. Please do not read if this kind of content upsets you. Violence, dead bodies, talk of the past, mention of murder, mentions of guns, mentions of chains, implied S/A by raiders, women held captive, trauma, trauma triggers, PTSD, possible diagnosis of dissociative amnesia (I do not claim to be an expert and just did some heavy research to make it accurately depicted in the story), protective! Joel, Beanie dissociates on her rooftop, implied suicidal thoughts, implied depression, isolation, some fluff towards the end, Joel is incredibly gentle with beanie, no age gap, reader has no physical descriptions, readers nickname is beanie (coffee beans) +18, minors dni! Please heed the warnings!

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“What the hell do ya mean she doesn’t know what fuckin’ happened to herself? What does that even mean,Tommy?!” Joel was visibly frustrated, confused, and bewildered. His mind was already running circles as he tried to piece together what he knew about you. He was desperate to grasp some context clues that would ultimately lead to a conclusion as to what had happened to you. He gently pulled back on his horse's reins between a cluster of snow dusted evergreens.

Tommy, however, kept his horse moving and this frustrated Joel even further.

“Don’t you fuckin’ walk away from me like you’re deaf or somethin’ ,Tommy!”

The younger Miller brother cursed under his breath as he halted his horse a few strides ahead of Joel. Both brothers were deathly silent. Tommy rolled his shoulders, appearing to try and relieve some stress and tension that was building up. He gently pulled the inside rein towards his torso as he turned his horse around. “Would you fuckin’ keep your goddamn voice down? This is exactly why I don’t want to discuss this with you, Joel.”

“You think I give a damn? What, you just expect me to go ‘bout my business when she crumbled into my arms this morning?’ Tommy, you know me, you know I ain’t gonna let this go.” Joel’s tone was far softer now. His frustrations were still simmering below the surface like that of a once dormant volcano that was gradually becoming active once more.

“Look, Maria and I have our own assumptions about what happened to her. When we found her..she was in pretty fuckin’ rough shape. She was most likely traveling for days without food or water Joel. She was barely breathin’, and for a moment we thought she was long gone.”

“Well, that ain’t all surprising..considerin’ we’re livin’ in an apocalypse Tommy.” Joel fought the urge to scoff under his breath. Tommy wasn’t giving him a straight answer and he wasn’t having any of it.

“That ain’t the fuckin’ point, Joel. Maria..she found somethin’ on her.” Tommy trailed off as he focused anywhere but his brother’s face.

“Tommy, what the hell did she find? Spit it out, or so help me god–” He nearly growled out as his jaw clenched harshly under the pale white moonlight.

“Someone tried to fuckin’ carve her up. That’s what.” Tommy deadpanned.

“what?” Joel could feel the bile rise in his throat at this newfound utterly disturbing information. His pupils were blown wide and an unsettling chill rolled down his spine.

“You fuckin’ heard me. Some sick fucks tried to carve her up. Maria and I both think it was raiders.”

“..like us?” Joel’s question hung heavy in the air as both Miller brothers slowly looked over at one another. There was nothing for them to hide. They had both done unspeakable things to countless people. Some people deserved it..others? Not so much. Joel knew it would be impossible for him to wipe all of his sins and carnage completely clean. His moral compass had been skewed after Sarah died. His actions were fueled by rage and indescribable pain. But even though he was a murderer, and he,Tommy, and Tess committed heinous crimes together, even they had their limits.

“No, Joel. Not like us. We didn’t fuckin’ carve people up.” Tommy shook his head with a heavy sigh. Maria didn’t know half of the shit he had done to survive, and he hoped to god she would never find out.

“No, you’re right. We didn’t carve people up, but we did some terrible fuckin’ things, Tommy.” There was a heaviness in Joel’s voice that lingered in the frosty air.

“Yeah, we did. Endure and survive, right?” Tommy responded with a bitter laugh that slowly crept up his throat.

“So, when you say that they tried to carve her up..”

“Maria found a knife wound that pretty much wraps all the way up her torso and back. It was, and is gruesome.”

“Fuck.” Joel breathed out a puff of air as his heart began to hang heavy in his chest. “She doesn’t remember any of it?”

“No. We actually had Doc check her out after we brought her in, and he thinks she might have dissociative amnesia. He said it’s commonly found in patients that have dealt with an excessive form of trauma. Essentially, her brain is blocking out certain events to protect itself. He of course doesn’t know for sure, but that’s the best explanation he could give as to why she has a foggy memory of what happened to her. He also..thinks there’s a chance that she was heavily drugged for an extended period of time, which could have also led to her memory essentially being botched. That wasn’t..all that Doc found. He also said that after doing a full body exam–”

Joel cut him off immediately like a sharp knife slicing through a hunk of meat. “Stop. Not another word, Tommy. Not another fuckin’ word.” Joel whispered harshly under his breath. He could only imagine the hell you went through. God help those motherfuckers if he ever got his hands on them.

“All this is to say that she may never fully recover those memories. Frankly? It’s probably for the best. I’m entrustin’ you with this information, Joel. And I need you to promise me that you’re not going to go and ask her questions. I need you to bite your fuckin’ tongue on this one. Alright? Jus’ be her friend. Jus’ be there for her.”

Joel wanted to laugh. He wanted to bitterly laugh and shake his fists to the heavens above because how in the hell was he supposed to just deal with the guilt of having some form of knowledge on what happened to you. How was he supposed to look you in the eyes without imagining the horrors that you faced? How was he supposed to pretend?

“Tommy, you know I can’t–”

“I don’t give a damn on what you think you can’t do, Joel. I’m not about to let you or anyone for that matter go and traumatize that poor woman even more. Maria started treatin’ her different than everyone else at one point, and Beanie came to me one day and wanted to know why. I had to sit down with Maria and practically beg her to just treat her like a normal person. Folks ‘round here either think she’s the nutty coffee woman, or some fragile piece of china that is gonna shatter at any minute. She ain’t either of those things, but hey, I guess even an apocalypse can’t stop people from havin’ their judgements.”

“For the record, Tommy, I don’t think she’s either of those things either. Quirky? Sure. She’s better than half the folks in town. That is for damn certain.”

“Exactly. So just treat her like a normal person. Don’t go and try to be her savior either. She ain’t need savin. She just needs a friendly face that understands her.”

“I have a friendly face?” Joel murmured with a soft chuckle to alleviate the tension.

“Hardly, big brother.” Tommy softly joked back.

“So, just so I got this all straight, Doc said that he thinks she might have..dissociative amnesia..but then what about her triggers? Does he know about her episodes? Cus’ she looked at me like I was gonna fuckin’ hurt her. If her brain is tryin’ to block out the trauma..her body is still actively experiencing it?” Joel asked as he gently nudged his horse’s side to walk forward.

“Y’know how you have your own triggers? I’m thinkin’ that she does as well. However, hers are most likely associated with noise. When we first brought her in we had her stay at our place for awhile..and there was one mornin’ I was up early putzin’ around the kitchen and I guess the sound of a pan clatterin’ in the sink freaked her out. She kept tellin’ Maria someone was out to get her, but when Maria asked who, she couldn’t answer.”

“Well..that explains what happened this mornin.’ I jus’ uh—wanted to do somethin’ nice for her so I was shovelin’ her walkway. Maybe the sound of the shovel scrapin’ on the concrete triggered her?”

“Well, chivalry ain’t dead. That’s for damn sure. Yeah, I’m sure it triggered her flight or fight response. She wasn’t logically able to decipher what the noise actually was. Y’know, I'm pretty sure Doc has some books on this stuff if you wanna read up on it.”

Joel was just about to respond when his horse let out a nervous snort and pawed at the ground with his hoof. Horses were incredibly intuitive creatures. They could sense danger from a mile away.

Both Tommy and Joel were already grasping their rifles in a fight response. There was a drifting odor of smoke from a fire..at first Joel thought it was just a typical wood burning fire, until the putrid stench of rotting flesh hit his olfactory senses and it brought him right back to living in the QZ. His eyes watered, and his lungs burned. No doubt in his mind that there was a raider camp nearby.

“We should turn back right fuckin’ now Joel. We should go find the others—” Tommy hissed under his breath.

“No. We’re gonna go investigate. Lucas and Cody probably already detected the smoke as well. This ain’t the first time you and I have gone into somethin’ together. You cover me, and I’ll cover you. Deal?” It was incredible how fast Joel was able to switch back into survival mode. It was embedded deep within his bones, and it didn’t take much for it to be clawing right through his skin. He had been the hunter, more times than he had been the prey.

“If we’re outnumbered, then we split. Got it?” Tommy wasn’t about to go and risk his life tonight.

“Got it.” Joel agreed.

The raiders camp was only a few miles to the east from Jackson. The smoke was billowing high in the air as Joel and Tommy used the snowy evergreens as cover. They had since dismounted from their horses and continued on foot. The camp they stumbled upon was freshly abandoned..but why keep the fire going? Was the first thought that crossed both Joel and Tommy’s minds. They had the barrel of their rifles aimed at the ready as they cautiously crept through the camp. The smell of rotting flesh only began to intensify as they neared the source of the fire.

What they stumbled upon was nothing short of gruesome. Five bodies in total stacked upon chopped down logs. It was difficult to make out facial features, as the deceased bodies were charred to a crisp. One thing was for certain, these people were not infected.

“Were they killed for sport?” Tommy questioned as Joel slowly crouched down next to a body that wasn’t as scorched completely. He could make out feminine features and long follicles of hair. He could feel the bile churn deep in the pit of his stomach as he looked away and pressed his face into the collar of his jacket to try and block out the smell. “These are women, Tommy. Five of ‘em. All dead.”

“Jesus fuck. What the hell happened here?” Lucas and Cody had smelled the fire as well. They were in utter disbelief as they approached the slow burning fire.

“Raiders.” Joel muttered under his breath as he slowly stood back up. His knees cracked from the movement as he grinded his teeth together to block out the uncomfortable tightness in his back.

“Were they infected?” Lucas had asked.

“No. They were just..people.” Tommy somberly confirmed.

Silence washed over the four men as they retreated from the fire. Joel kicked at a pair of heavy chains that laid upon the ground with his boot. “These women were prisoners.”

“We need to put this fire out, and then report back to Maria immediately. She’s goin’ to want to hear about this, and I already know she ain’t gonna be happy.” Tommy muttered as he slung his rifle strap along his shoulder.

“Tommy, we can’t just leave them here. They deserve a proper burial. They deserve to be laid to rest..” Joel couldn’t help but wonder how long these five women were enslaved. Could they have been saved if the patrol group had left earlier? Five lives could have been saved if only he had just—

“Joel, I hear you brother, but the ground is too hard. We can’t bury them. I’m sorry.” Tommy was sorry. These five women deserved better. He wanted to be able to bring them peace as well, but some things were just not possible.

“Fine. I’ll fuckin’ do it myself.” Joel snapped as he slung his rifle strap over his shoulder in one swift movement. He started the trek back to his horse while Lucas and Cody kicked a bit of snow over the dying embers.

Joel returned with a blanket from his saddle bag. He was going to attempt to move the bodies, but he was afraid that their charred bones would shatter. Instead he gently laid the blanket over their remains. He stood there for a good solid five minutes just staring down at the snow covered earth with a clenched jaw, before he finally walked away.

For the entirety of the somber ride back to Jackson, Joel was dead silent.

It had felt like months had passed since you had last seen Joel Miller. In all actuality, it had only been one month. Your brain was just going all doomsday mode on you and convincing you it had been longer. At first you had tricked yourself in believing that maybe Joel didn’t actually want to be your friend. Maybe he was just lying. Maybe he too thought of you as just the nutty coffee woman. It wasn’t till Maria had given you a surprise visit to your little coffee shop. While she was quietly sipping on her latte, you couldn’t help but ask if she had seen Joel lately. You felt slightly pathetic with a sprinkle of naivety. Were you really that desperate for human connection?

“I assigned him, Tommy and a few other men to patrol the late night shift. They stumbled upon something in the woods, and brought it to my attention. Now, before you start freaking out, we are safe here. What they found was just concerning, and they’re making sure that there is no active threat that we need to pay any concern to.”

You paused the movements of the towel below your palm as you were wiping down the countertop. “Oh. I thought maybe he just..nevermind. What exactly did they find in the woods that was concerning, Maria?”

“Beanie, you know I can’t disclose that to you. All I need you to remember is that you're safe. That’s why we have patrol parties. They keep everyone in the commune safe. I just figured you were deserving to know that Joel hasn’t been blowin’ you off for the past month. Him and Tommy are resting in the morning after patrolling all night. It shouldn’t be an issue now that the weather is starting to shift. Usually means that people are movin’ on as resources will be plentiful again.”

You let out a sigh as you crossed your arms over your chest. It did feel silly in some way that you let your brain convince you that Joel was in fact blowing you off. “Yeah.” You mumbled under your breath. “I know why you can’t disclose that information to me.”

“You’ll see him in a few weeks, Beanie. Don’t worry.” Maria reassured you.

Ha

By the time that you did see Joel again, winter wasn’t quite ready to release her icy grip around the earth. She was going to cling on just a bit longer. It was late at night and to put it simply? You were having a rough time. Spending the majority of your day alone was beginning to close in around you. The thoughts were growing louder and louder, and the nightmares you had begun to experience were the same sequence over and over like a vicious cycle that you were sucked down into, unable to escape its painful clutches. That's how you found yourself sitting alone on your roof. Your bedroom window was opened just enough that you were able to climb out onto the roof tiles. You were shivering at first, trembling as your teeth rattled against your jaw. Soon enough, the nipping chill didn’t feel as painful. A peaceful numbness washed over you as if you were in a trance.

Joel had just gotten back from being on patrol. He stopped at the stables to untack his horse, Tex and then he was heading home. He passed by your house every night, and he would stop at your front gate, debate seeing if you were awake, before he would ultimately decide going straight home was easier. On this particular night he was torn from his path home. All because he swore he saw a shadowy figure sitting on your rooftop. He thought maybe his own mind was playing tricks on him until he stepped closer to your house. He was then able to make out a human shape sitting upon the roof tiles. He didn’t even have to guess hard if it was you sitting up there. He just knew.

He called your name, and you didn’t budge a smidge.

“For fuck sakes.” He muttered under his breath as he cupped his hands on either side of his face and yelled your name once more. “BEANIE!” This time his baritone voice broke through the figurative icy shell that was wrapped around you like a cloak. You finally looked down, squinting through the vast darkness.

“Woman is gonna fuckin’ freeze to death out here. Fuck. What the hell is she doin’ up there anyway?!?” He muttered to himself as he pushed open your gate. “I’m comin’ up!” He yelled from the top step of your front porch.

Joel?

The sounds of his heavy boot steps descending up your staircase sounded muffle to your ears as you slowly dropped your chin to rest along your kneecap.

“Jesus fuck, Beanie. What the hell are you doin’ out here?” Joel harshly whispered as he pushed open your bedroom door. He had genuine concern stricken through his hardened features.

“Sitting outside on the roof.” You murmured.

“Yeah, ya don’t say? I can see that you’re sittin’ on the roof, but its fuckin’ freezin’ out here. Why don’t ya have a jacket? A blanket? Beanie, you’re gonna fuckin’ freeze to death out here.” He was already slipping his own jacket off of his shoulders and gently placing it along your shoulders as he carefully climbed through the window and onto the roof beside you.

“I don’t really feel the cold anymore, Joel.” There was a lack of emotion in your tone as your eyes slowly flitted over to him.

“Fuck. Well, that ain’t good either, darlin.’”

“I just..needed to breathe. I felt like I was suffocating in there.”

“Somethin’ happen? How long..have you been feelin’ this way Beanie?” Joel asked you softly as he met your soft gaze.

“I don’t know. A while?”

Joel sighed as he rested his weight back on his palms. “Well, I've felt that way before too. Numerous times actually. I’ll have these moments where the fear comes up outta nowhere, and…my heart feels like it’s stopped.” He softly admitted.

“Like…you can’t breathe?”

“Yeah, like there’s water in my lungs instead of oxygen. Like i’m drownin’ and no matter how hard I swim, I can’t make it to the surface.” He murmured.

“Like..the darkness is closing in? Swallowing you whole?”

“Yeah, but that’s why you gotta look for the light. When you're lost in the darkness, look for the light.”

Joel’s words hung heavy in the air as you both sat in silence, looking up at the vast array of stars that were outshone by the brilliant pale white moon. Shining like a beacon in the inky black sky.

“Joel?” You asked through the growing silence.

“Hm darlin?’”

“Joel, what keeps you moving forward?”

Joel didn’t even have to give a single thought to your question. He already knew the answer. It was family. Family was the one thing that kept moving him forward in this new life.

“Family. You keep goin’ for family.” He confirmed as he watched the way you absentmindedly scratched at your arm, wiggled your nose as you let out a puff of icy air. “I don’t have any family.”

“That ain’t true at all. We’re friends, you and I. Friends can be family. What about Maria and Tommy? Wouldn’t you consider them to be your family as well?” Joel was looking straight into your eyes now as he softly spoke.

“You..consider me to be your family?”

“Darlin’, absolutely I do. You are my family. Why do you think I'm up here with ya right now?”

“To keep me from freezing to death?”

“Well, yes. But also because..I like spendin’ time with you. You think I'd come up here if I didn’t care about ya? I got a bad back and knees, darlin.’ One fatal slip off here and I'm toast.” He stifled a chuckle as his hand was now resting close to your own along the roof tiles

“Please, don’t fall.” Your pinky slowly looped around his.

“I ain’t gonna fall, dontcha worry.”

“Well, for the record, I'm glad you came up here.” There was a ghost of a smile on your lips as you looked over at him once more.

“Me too.” He gave your pinky a gentle squeeze. “Hey, if ya want..maybe you can go spend some time with Dina and Ellie? Help out around the stables? I know they can always use an extra set of hands.” He softly suggested.

“I guess I could do that, huh? I could use some more fresh air and I do like to see the horses.”

“Well, there ya go darlin.’ Sounds like you got it all figured out. I just know they’ll also appreciate seein’ another friendly face. Ellie ain’t got many friends either beside Dina and Jesse. I uh—think you’ll get along really well.”

“Joel?..” you asked as your cheek came to rest along his covered shoulder.

His heart skipped a beat as he did his best to not move and disturb you.

“Yeah Beanie?” He gently asked.

“Thank you.”

“What are ya thankin’ me for?” He asked as he cleared his throat under his breath.

“For being my friend.”

His heart had nearly just gone and burst right out of his chest as the frigid air turned the tips of his cheeks and nose bright red. He was secretly thankful that it was far too dark for you to detect the blush rising on his skin.

“You’re welcome darlin.’”

The sun was just beginning to peek above the horizon when Joel had finally convinced you to go back inside. He was genuinely concerned that parts of your body were frozen. Despite his aching back, and tired joints, he stayed with you until he felt like you were safe. His eyelids were beginning to droop as he rested his palm along his chin. His head bobbed as he struggled to stay awake. You were busy making a fresh pot of coffee and homemade cinnamon rolls, and you didn’t see his slumped form until you had turned around.

“Fiddlesticks,” you softly murmured as you set your bowl down and attended to his side. You gently shook his shoulder a few times before he was startled awake.

“Hey, how about you go and lay down on the couch? Rest up before you head home?”

You didn’t have to ask him twice as he slowly pulled himself up from the kitchen chair and trudged into the family room. You followed him shortly after and grabbed the thick quilt from alongside the couch and draped it over his sleeping frame. His arms were crossed over his chest as he snored softly through his much deserved slumber.

When he awoke hours later, there was a mug of coffee on the coffee table next to the couch along with a freshly baked cinnamon roll. Under the plate there was a scribbled note that read, Went to go see Dina and Ellie at the stables. Make yourself at home. -Beanie

He carefully tucked the note into his flannel pocket as he sat up. He took a hefty swig from the mug of coffee before he picked up the cinnamon roll. It smelled heavenly. With just the right amount of cinnamon and vanilla as the icing slowly oozed down the sides of his fingers. His first bite nearly had him moaning from the sugary taste. He devoured the entire thing, before drifting right back off to sleep with his arms wrapped tightly around the quilt that you had laid on him.

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[canirove]

Friends, lovers… and an orange | Chapter 18

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Masterlist

"Hello, Mason. Please come in" Adele chuckled, closing her apartment’s door after he stormed into it.

"Addie, sorry" he said, walking back to where she was standing and wrapping his arms around her waist. "Hi."

"Hi" she smiled.

"I've missed you."

"You literally saw me this morning, Mase" she laughed. 

"Enough to miss you" he said before kissing her.

"Masw" Adele giggled as he moved to kiss her neck. "Mase, please… Mason!" she complained when he bit her. "That's gonna leave a mark!"

"I know" he smirked.

"That is very naughty."

"Look who is talking" he laughed.

"Whatever" Adele replied. "How was your meeting?"

"Urgh, the meeting" Mason said, resting his forehead on her shoulder.

"That bad was it?" she asked, running her fingers through his hair.

"Worse."

"Why don't we sit on the sofa and you tell me all about it?"

"Only if you let me rest my head on your lap while you touch my hair like that. It feels so good…"

"Ok" she chuckled. "Now, the meeting" she said once they had sat down.

"My agency is the worst."

"We already knew that, Mase."

"But now we have confirmed it. They said no to denying the pregnancy rumours."

"What?" 

"Addie, my hair!"

"Sorry, sorry" she apologized. 

"You can't do that. My job depends on it, you know?" Mason said, rubbing his hand where Adele had pulled from. 

"You didn't complain that much when I did it last night" she smirked.

"It was a different situation. And it didn't feel as if you were about to leave me bald."

"Sorry. I got a bit carried away" she apologized again. "But why don't they want to deny the rumours?"

"Because people are very invested in them, that's why. Some fans are already doing polls about it being a boy or a girl and even making names lists, and a couple of magazines have already asked if we want to do an exclusive announcement with them."

"What?"

"Yeah…" Mason sighed.

"I can't believe they want to keep going with this lie."

"There is more, tho."

"More?"

"Yep. They want you to wear loose clothes in all the events we attend during fashion month and act as if you are hiding the bump."

"Oh… my God."

"Told you they were the worst."

"And we can't say no, can we?" Adele said.

"I'm afraid not."

"This is sick, Mason."

"I know, Addie. I know" he sighed again. 

"And just after I got really good news…"

"Good news? What happened?" he asked, sitting up. 

"Maria Grazia called me earlier. She said she would like me to photograph a project they are working on."

"With Dior?"

"Yep."

"Oh my God, Addie. That's amazing!" Mason said while hugging her. "What is it about?"

"They want to create some kind of bts content of the new collection, like how the clothes are made, the fittings, the models’ casting, then the chaos of the day of the show… And while one team makes the video content, they want me to be in charge of the photos. She said they like how organic the ones I take look like, how they make you feel as if you are there when they are taken."

"And they aren't wrong. You are so talented, Adele."

"I think you are a bit biased here" she laughed.

"Just a bit" he chuckled. "But I'm serious. When I've been on set and people have asked me about us and about you, many have praised your photos and said they love your Instagram account. And I don't think they were saying it because you are my girlfriend and they wanted to flatter me."

"Yeah, but… I feel like an imposter. Like they only want me because I am Elizabeth Turlington's daughter and Mason Mount's girlfriend."

"Some might. But I don't think that's Maria Grazia's case. She loves your work."

"You think?" Adele asked.

"I'm certain of it. So say yes to her offer and wow them with your amazing talent."

"Mase!" she laughed.

"What? Did I lie?" he shrugged.

"You are the worst."

"Yet you love me."

"Very much" she smiled before kissing him.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"I'm sorry about all that, Maria Grazia."

"Don't worry, Adele."

"They should have not followed me here, they said they were going to respect me while I was working." 

"It's Paris fashion week, there are paparazzis and photographers everywhere" Maria Grazia shrugged. "What matters is that you are ok. Are you?"

"Yes, I am. Thank you for asking" she smiled.

"Great. Then let's get to work, the models are waiting upstairs."

"Perfect" Adele said, taking a deep breath and following Maria Grazia. 

It was the day before Dior's new show, and she was going to photograph some of the models during their fittings. So far she had been loving everything about this job, from how the photos were looking to how nice everyone had been and everything she had learnt. The only bad thing, were the paparazzis.

Every time she left her hotel they would be waiting outside, and it didn't matter if it was just her alone or if she was with Mason. They would shove their cameras on her face, asking her if it was true she was pregnant, if her mother and Toni were happy about it, if Mason was going to propose. Because that was the new topic of conversation going around after all the times they had been seen together since fashion month had started: when he was going to ask her to marry him. Mason had told her to not worry about it, but seeing how much his agency loved following the trends going on around them, she could see them asking them to do a fake proposal in the Eiffel tower or something over the top like that. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"They are seriously amazing, Adele" one of the models said while she showed them some of the photos she had taken.

"Thank you" she smiled.

"You don't see a nepobaby who actually is talented that often" another one said, winking at her. 

"Mason is very talented."

"And hot" another added, making the other girls giggle.

"You are so lucky, Adele" the first girl said. "He's hot, talented, and completely infatuated with you."

"And she also is infatuated with him, look at the colour of her cheeks."

"I would too. Have you seen those underwear photos? I don't think they photoshoped anything… if you know what I mean."

"Ok girls, that's enough" another model said, joining their group. "Please forgive them."

"Sorry if my nepobaby comment bothered you. It was just a joke."

"It's ok, don't worry. And you weren't lying" Adele shrugged.

"Can you also confirm my theory about Mason on that shoot?"

"Can we please stop talking about Adele's boyfriend's dick and get out of here?" the last model who joined their group said. "We were going out for drinks, weren't we? Will you join us, Adele?"

"I… I don't know…"

"Is your boyfriend's dick waiting for you?" the model asked with a teasing smile.

"He is attending a couple of shows today and…"

"Then you are coming with us" she said, linking her arm with Adele’s. "I'm Rianne, by the way. I think we didn't introduce each other properly earlier."

"Nice to meet you, Rianne" she smiled.

"Shall we, girls? If we want to find a good table we need to leave now."

"But just one drink, Rianne. Don't forget we have to work tomorrow" one of the other girls said.

"Just one, I promise. Or two or three" she whispered in Adele's ear, making her laugh.

[thesharktanksdriver]

Kissing Booth but reader with hugs imagine the line of people marines and pirates alike , very silly goose 🤭🤭🤭🤭

Example : doflamingo cutting the line (or people)

some people *Cough*akainu, doffy , kaido *Cough* grabbing reader as they hug and running for the hills as literally every character in the vers runs after them

Whitebeard camping out a week before to be first in line (probably with the rest of the crew too)

Few people resufuse to let go (sengoku,buggy,black Maria, luffy)

Body guards zoro,sanji and robin.

Starts crying (boa hancock,brook, jinbei)

Stone faced but crying on the inside (mihawk,crocodile, katakuri)

Sorry I got way to into this😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨

Teehee

So uh, I might’ve gotten too into it too

Teehee

Mihawk Dracule

His appearance at the booth is as cryptic and abrupt just as his appearance of his boat on the sea is.

It’s abrupt.

Expected.

And to everyone but you (and maybe Zoro) it’s an unpleasant surprise.

One that should be bound for bloodshed yet creates a certain tinge of happiness as he closes the curtains behind him and sits down on the small chair facing you.

Yoru being leant against the chair.

A small and subtle sign that he feels at ease with you.

…or at least didn’t see you as a threat. (It was hard to tell with him)

“It’s good to see you again Mihawk, how has the traveling been?” You say this while leaning against your palm that rested on the stand.

Golden ringed eyes stare at you, for a moment you can distinguish a crinkle of affection.

“They’ve been monotonous as usual. Overzealous fools who think they can challenge me”

“An, so like zoro?”

He chuckles at that, distantly outside the tent you hear a distinct “Oi!” Before the sounds of Sanji kicking him. Their bickering fades into the background as Nami presumably silences dragged them away.

Mihawk leans over, and suddenly you're enveloped in his arms. It’s perhaps a bit unexpected, though with Mihawk things were always a gamble. You half anticipated for him to leave without a hug, but seeing that he hadn’t made you all the more happier.

Mihawk's hug feels secure and protective, as if he were a shield to the rest of the world and its hardships.

Hands that have seen endless fighting and held the hilt of blood a rusted sword hold you.

His hold is not gentle but it is perhaps the softest Mihawk could ever be.

And that’s ok.

Because in his hold it feels as if you're safe.

That he would take on the world to ensure that even when you’d left his arms you’d never have to worry.

And while that’s a far off dream, knowing Mihawk he’d try.

And that’s perhaps the most comforting thought bending it all.

Mihawk would try for you if you’d ask.

If you’d ask, you could have stayed at his abode.

If you’d asked he would do all that he could to ensure you’d never have to die and reappear again.

But he’d only do that if you’d ask.

He didn’t make that decision for you.

Didn’t decide that his judgment was better than yours and impede on your ability to make decisions.

He might have disagreed with some of your decisions but he respected you to make them.

And even more so, he respected you even if he was wrong.

He would never admit to it, but in those few moments you’d proven him wrong a certain pride shone in eagle eyes.

A certain uplift of the corner of his mouth.

“The humandrills miss you…I have a room open if you’d ever require it” it’s said quietly, like a secret exchanged beneath candlelight. It’s a valuable moment, it reminds you of that thing that zoro had said.

“A wound on the back is a swordsman’s shame”

Vulnerability was not something easily handed out by swordsmen, especially not one like Mihawk. A weakness, a so-called wound on his back or in this case his heart. It’s not something to be taken lightly. But luckily you know this well.

“I’d like that”

His mouth twitches, sloping upwards ever so slightly.

To him the hug you give is a moment where he can momentarily be at ease and feel as if he had a goal to accomplish.

Throughout aimless travel he tries to find his match yet all that come to him are disappointments. Battle after battle of people not being able to even land a single blow on him. It’s a constant that leaves him bitter and resigned as he’d toll away in his castle alone.

But with you in arms that carry the burden of being the best he finds himself with a mission that seems ever so slightly more achievable.

He could protect you as best he could.

Though that is an equally daunting task considering your penchant for death, it feels more feasible so long as you remain in his hold.

Small arms that are wrapped around his neck mean no harm.

He has no use in being on edge, not when you’d barely had the will to ever pick up a blade. Even when your life depended on it.

For a short moment the bloodthirsty marine hunter feels at ease.

You do not see him smile but you can feel the warmth he exudes when his hand cards through your hair.

[indierpgnewsletter]

Every Game I Played in 2024 (So Far)

It’s time for one of my favourite posts to write every year. Here is every game I’ve played in the first half of 2024:

Series

Fathoms Deep (as GM): Let’s get my own game out of the way first: I’ve ran about 11 playtest sessions of Fathoms Deep, a game about a community of salvagers aboard a living ship in a flooded world. The game is my big project. If I was studying game design, this would be my masters’ thesis. It’s got a lot of parts – action-packed underwater dives using my flavour of card-based Forged in the Dark, a cool map where you move your ship around, downtime scenes, campaign arcs based on survival, hope and salvation, etc. There’s a lot of tinkering left to do and I am in no hurry to finish because, deep breath, it’s about the journey! Like in the game!

Pasion de la Pasiones (as GM): We took the spanish telenovela game and set it in a X-men-like school. Sadly we didn’t get to play past the first couple sessions but it’s a slam dunk concept and a great game. My game of the year for 2023 if I remember correctly!

The Wildsea (as GM): This was the big campaign that marked the first half of the year in my (online) home game. It has a lot of overlap with my own game, Fathoms Deep – both are pirate-games-without-pirates. But Wildsea has a very different tone – it’s optimistic high fantasy in the vein of some of the best D&D 5e games I’ve played. I would easily recommend it as a game for people who are playing 5e and want something to easily switch to. The world and setting is lovely – a solid thematic core garnished with a variety of fun ideas, great flavour, and lots of stunning, evocative art. I had so much fun playing zany characters to match the vibe of the zany world. The system isn’t my cup of tea for a variety of complicated reasons but this is a fantastic achievement, especially since it was the designer’s first game afaik!

Rich Kid Problems: Last year, I played Capitalites by Sam Mui and this year, we returned to that classic genre of rich people behaving badly with this game by Maria Mison. It’s a light storygame – improv heavy but good fun.

Last Fleet (as GM): We’re one month into this Battlestar Galatica-inspired game by Josh Fox. It’s far future space opera with humanity on the edge of extinction – all inter-personal politics and feelings in the face of almost certain doom. I love this game already. It meshes perfectly with my directorial GM style and helps me serve up some fantastic moments. It feels like every session, I am throwing some impossible decision or loyalty-threatening revelation at my players who pick up the ball and run with the ball unflinchingly. It definitely helps to think about it as prestige TV and frame scenes using that language – lots of walking and talking in corridors, that sort of thing. The characters aren’t on the same side, there aren’t missions – just agendas and obstacles. Will write about some of the cool design stuff going on when the campaign is done.

One Shots

Okay, got to rush through these!

This Ship Is No Mother (as GM): I ran 4 great games of my little lets-make-Mothership-a-storygame game. These were mostly at online cons or things like that. I love playing this game.

Wizards Grimoire and Mobile Frame Zero: Firebrands: Getting to play two games from the Bakers was a real treat. Wizard’s Grimoire is the start of a series of games that flip the GM-player relationship in great ways. You should check it out. Firebrands is a game of daring mech pilots told in dramatic vignettes where the less you force a narrative, the better!

Steal away Jordan and Tales of a Fisherman’s Wife: These are two games from designer, Julia Ellingboe. I think Steal Away Jordan is my favourite of the two. Even as you wrestle with the discomfort (if you’re not Black) of playing Black slaves in the American south, it’s still a game about being heroes with a lot of delight and joy at the heart of it! Fisherman’s Wife is a game of Japanese ghost stories with tentacle porn on the cover. I’m not sure what else to say!

Navathem’s End (as GM): This game by Pam Punzalan and Sin Posadas fits well with Wildsea on this list because it feels like an alternate take on the genre that is D&D 5e. It’s that light-hearted brand of heroic fantasy but with a different ethos – less colonial, more grounded in community.

Yazeba’s Bed and Breakfast: A book which is probably as fun to read as play. You probably have heard about it enough but if not, go listen to the Yes Indie’d episode about it.

After the Mind, the World Again: This is a Disco Elysium inspired game where there’s one player and four GMs who play facets of a detective’s mind. It’s not really a one shot game – definitely takes 4 hours or more but we rushed the ending and got somewhere. Also, free!

City of Mist (as player): I always joke about wanting to read this game but bailing as soon I as open the PDF to see that it has more than 500 pages. The new version has cut half of the system out so maybe I had a point.

The Hunted (as player): This is a slick one-shot game – Forged in the Dark folk horror in the vein of Blair Witch Project and the like. Easy to play and run, would do again.

Swords without Master (as GM): This game should’ve inspired a whole design lineage. The text is a bit tricky to parse but if you get a chance to play this, you should take it!

Damn the Man, Save the Music: If you like Empire Records and don’t mind doing some improv, this game is great.

Cloud Empress (as player): The giant psychic cicadas are a great linchpin for a setting. If you play the game, head straight for them.

There was a bit more here and there. I already wrote about playing older games like Metamorphosis Alpha, Bunnies & Burrows and Dallas RPG on here. There was also a lot of playtesting including a very fun session of Protect the Child by Mint about a found family of monsters looking after a child a la Monsters Inc. Overall, another very satisfying half-year.

[hellowoolf]

on strawberries and masonry: chapter iv

series summary: you atone for your sins, now, in a jackson garden, learning to care for soft things and yourself. joel miller is a lethal sort of similar, and misery loves company

OR

you live in jackson and meet joel and you’re both damaged little babies and fall in love (but i’m drawing this shit out🫶🫶)

warnings: angst, age gap (reader late 20s/early 30s, joel 50s), mention of killing, mention of knives, SMUT, thigh riding/dry humping (…), fingering, pussy eating, some feelings…. (as always, let me know if i missed any !!)

word count: 5k

authors note: and so here's the thing about this is that-🏃🏼‍♀️💨💨

series masterlist | masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

you wake up with a tug between your legs and your hand around your throat. you smile at the space of your room; you fucked joel yesterday. he was unflinching and hard, concrete under your inky wetness, but you walked away leaving him stained, you know, and this is enough. at last, you feel you’ve marked him just as irreparably as he has you (you cannot linger on this thought for too long).

you killed yesterday, too. sliced someone open at your feet just as you did all those years ago, left the body to rot with the rest of the mold outside jackson’s walls, and the ease of it certainly should frighten you, but the great lifting of your fuzzy secret from your shoulders lightens you as you pull yourself out of bed. joel knows the whole of you now, and in your first moments of consciousness this morning you can admit that the bareness of that pleases you. 

you’re off patrol today, jesse insistent on beginning his rounds, so he and noah have inherited your and joel’s route for the day; maria figured the early light would make the induction less horrifying than it is. you want joel again, you think, maybe once the sun’s gone down, and move through your kitchen on your first free day in months.

of course, joel has always seemed attuned to your most secret thoughts, and so when you open your front door to greet your little fruits in the morning sun—you did this so little, these days—he’s there, waiting for you. the curls of his hair reach out every which way and you want to run your fingers through them again like you did yesterday, but he looks worried, almost frantic, so you refrain. there’s mud cupping around his boots and track marks behind him in the newly thawed dirt, like he’s been walking circles outside your doorstep.

“hey, are you o-”

“can i come inside?”

something in your stomach turns over. you step aside to let him through. he paces across the floor, hands tightened into balls and then running over his jaw.

“listen, baby, i been thinkin and i don’t think we can do that again. what we did yesterday. i…you’re tommy’s friend, and ellie likes you so much, and you’re half my goddamn age i mean, jesus.” he says all of it with his back turned to you, but spins to face you, now. “we go on patrol and i…i don’t mind your company, really, but it can’t, i can’t. we can’t.”

joel is sort of winded with the words. you flare up, first, with a searing anger—you’d murdered and confessed and given yourself to him, and it’s taken joel all but 12 hours to decide none of it was worth it. and it was so good, you want it again without compromise. you flinch to lash out, to yell and scream and plead with him.

but then you think of baby. baby. baby is an artifact of the act of yesterday, of him inside you and the stretch and the warmth. despite the rest of it, you know you have him, with baby you have him. so you allow him this moment, allow him to believe himself righteous and you willing to let it go.

“okay, sting. it’s fine.”

because he knows you—an unintentional mistake, but one that will kill you someday, surely—he looks unconvinced. “fine?”

you hum. joel’s knuckles are white with the fists he’s formed at his sides, and you’re certain if you asked him to open them there’d be crescent marks in his palms. you almost break, looking at his tightness there, almost grin at him and laugh that it’s inevitable he will fuck you again, it’s inevitable. but he looks so disconcerted here, a few steps from your doorway. you nod, solemnly, wetness collecting between your legs thinking of when he’ll take you next.

“yeah, joel, come on, i’m a big girl.” he rustles. “it doesn’t have to be a big deal. we can forget it happened.” no we can’t. and it’s your internal dialogue, but joel seems to hear it, too, because he rocks back and forth on his heels, waiting, it seems, for you to convince him further. you say nothing, shifting your weight onto one leg. he nods, to you and himself, and gulps down a sigh.

“alright,” and then more sure, “alright.” he walks to your door, half-turns his face to you with a hand on the knob. “thank you, darlin.” 

once he’s gone, out through the door with his musk wafting down your hallway, you consider yourself, and the mud he tracked inside. you know he’ll seek you out again, from how off-put he seems with you now, and the way he twitched in his jeans, but still, a part of you bleeds, wounded at his attempt at rejection. what is wrong with you? it is strictly physical, you repeat to yourself for the millionth time since he came back to jackson. you think of leaving the dirt he streaked on your floor, a reminder that he came for you, but this is precisely the fear, the fear of wanting him for more than what he can give you, and so you move to wipe it up. you figure that joel is likely right; however this ends, it will be widely destructive and perhaps unfixable. but you’re right, too. it felt too good, and you’re both too unforgivable, to feign goodness now. something like giddiness bubbles up in your stomach—even against the doom you’re so adept at conjuring and the deep shadows joel casts, you’re eager, elated, thinking of him and how he touched you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the next day, you and joel return to your rounds like normal. like normal. almost normal. you talk at him from horseback, call him sting because you felt how it made him harder against your dripping seam, and he grunts responses back at you, doing his best, you feel, to believe in the normalcy. 

but he watches you. you suppose he might have always eyed you this way, but it’s more feral now, unconcealed. you catch him glancing at your ass as it bounces on the saddle, the curve of your neck when you lean down, the grip of your fingers on the reins. your arousal grates at you, screams from your cunt and up your spine, and you hush it with tenderness. you will be sated again. 

“so you heard about tommy and maria?”

joel bristles a little. “yeah, i did.”

“what, you aren’t happy for them? have a heart, sting, he’s your brother,” you smile.

he gives you a tight lipped grimace back. “yeah, and he’s irresponsible, thinks himself a fuckin hero.”

“no, not a hero. he knows himself too well to think that. he’ll be a good father, you know that.” joel stays quiet, and you look him over on his horse. the breeze makes space for the ghost he saddles up with, the one you’ve yet to meet. he is so brittle, always, but you remember how he’d asked where to touch, how intent he’d been on gentleness, at least at first. so you say, “you’ll be a good uncle, i think.”

joel looks at you surprised, and then down at his hands. you’re learning the language of his face; you watch him turn his hands over, reins slung through them, the both of you measuring their size. you’re slapped across the face with that devastatingly terrible want to hold him, the one you felt when he came to you about ellie, though you can’t bring yourself to cut through it as mercilessly as you did then.

“i hate to be the one to tell you, but you aren’t as horrifying as you think you are.”

this shakes him, but so too does it brush some of the mournfulness from his shoulders. joel looks back up at you, a little amused and a lot guarded, and says, “yeah? is that what i think?” he’s deflecting, shielding himself with your shared sexual tension, but you let him.

you hum, grinning. “mhm. you walk around like you’re this big awful beast.”

“i think i might be.”

“well, there are worse things to be.”

joel snorts. you think he likes when you criticize him. “and you’re the authority on this, huh, darlin?”

you twist a little in your seat, your own wetness more insistent. you do your best to smirk, look unaffected, defiant. “yeah, i think i am.”

he shakes his head, smiling more in earnest, trying to keep the ends of his mouth down. “you’re somethin, baby, i’ll give ya that.”

the pet names seem to come naturally now, coming and going as they please, and you notice him shift in his saddle. you know he’s just as coiled up as you are now, can feel the buckle of his body under the memory of you beneath him. you urge yourself to be patient, to wait him out, bate him to you, and let silence fall over the both of you as you trot back down to jackson, hoping the quiet soothes the sparkling ends of your open wiring.

it’s not until you dismount in your horse’s stall, saddle shucked to the side, and walk out to meet joel outside the stables that you’re struck with how immediate the inevitability you’re both playing with is. 

he notices your limp—slight, nearly imperceptible to anyone other than him, and far better than it’d been the day before—only as you pad over, his side leaned against the doorway. you make it to him, his features strung together and mouth open slightly, and with frustration that teeters on offense he says, “why are you walkin like that?”

you look down at your legs and back up at him. you can feel your heartbeat in your pussy. “walking like what?”

joel rubs a hand over the side of his face and huffs, lowly and enunciative, “you know what the fuck i’m talkin about. why are you walking like that?”

you know you won’t get the words out properly, so you keep your eyes on him and stay silent. he brings a hand to grab around your jaw, and it reminds you of that night on his porch with the strawberries, but this time he keeps it there, squeezes, inspects the push of your skin. he whispers a goddamnit, mainly to himself, and then pulls your face closer to his and you breathe into each others mouths.

“this real? are you—fuck—are you fuckin limping? or are you tryin to set me off?”

you don’t hesitate. “real.”

joel nearly growls at you, and gives your head one last tug before he drops it. “let’s go,” he grits out, and starts storming towards what you know is his house. a shudder runs through you and you feel yourself clench around nothing; a part of you makes to refuse him, to decline to follow behind him like you need him for the sake of stubbornness and point-proving. in the end, though, you let yourself be led, for the knowing that you’re pulling at him in someplace irremediable.

as soon as you walk through his door he’s got a paw on your bicep, pressing his fingers deep into your flesh, and another at your throat, holding lightly to keep your head close to his. you push your face forward to feel his tongue in your mouth, but he ducks his chin back as he hauls you to the couch in his living room, giving you a satisfied mm-mm and a shake of his head. he sits himself in the center and pulls you down onto one of his thighs, running his hands up and down your sides, under your ass, up around your tits, pressing and pulling. you duck your lips down to his again but he catches you by the throat.

“no kissin this time.”

you whine in response, but he presses his thigh up and the friction on your clit through your clothes makes you mewl. you drag your cunt, soaked through, along his pant leg, and tip your head back with a moan. “i thought you wouldn’t fuck me again,” you say, breathy and mainly to his ceiling.

joel groans watching you, pulling your hips back and forth along his thigh. “an’ i won’t.”

you grip his shoulders and glide your pussy on him, hoping he feels the wetness and unbearable heat there.

“but-”

he lets a breath out hot along your collarbone and you arch further into him. “but nothing. keep going. make yourself come on me,” he pants.

you’re sure you’ll draw blood, even through his coat, with your hold on his shoulders. your moans grow high pitched and loud, wrecked, as pleasure pulls through your limbs and swirls around your clit. and it’s so good, but your self-destructive insistence still finds a way out, between moans letting out “joel, i-” but joel moves the hand on your throat to your jaw, pulling your mouth open with his thumb and pushing the tip in. you swirl your tongue around it, accepting silence and accepting him at last, and he moans wildly as you suck on his finger.

“please darlin, just give me this, just let me watch,” and he sounds so fucking desperate you can’t help but move faster, pressing yourself further into his leg and feeling the dampness you leave in your wake. you move like that, his thumb in your mouth and watching you, intently and mercilessly, while you pant and mewl with your clothed cunt rutting along his jeans, until you feel your orgasm tapping down your shoulder blades. 

“jesus, darlin, you’re soakin me, fuck, you see that?”

you nod, his thumb corking any foul response you could possibly throw back at him.

“you need it that bad? sweet thing,” he purrs into your neck.

from around joel’s finger, you moan, “oh god, joel, i’m gonna come.”

joel grunts and groans back at you, “that’s it, baby, make a mess, fuck.”

you go tight and press further into him, thrusting faster and harder, and you’re so close when you realize he’s tipping his hips up and twitching as he moans, and oh fuck he’s coming from watching you. you spasm as you come, screaming into his skin as he pushes his thumb further down your tongue. the taste of his hands, the hardness of his cock as it presses into your leg when you thrust forward, the spreading heat from his come in his jeans, all of it twists you up, hot arousal dragging through you until you’re spent.

you both pant, clothes trapping your come to your body and his to him. he lets himself one deep breath in of your scent, running the curve of his nose through the light sheen of sweat glistening down your neck, before placing you next to him. he’s delicate with your body, limp and all limbs and elbows, as he sets you on the cushion, but still you feel him deflate. you’ve returned to that place at the edge of his bed, of his drowning in self-condemnation and your straining to keep him afloat.

“joel, let’s not do this again, it’s fine, you’re fine, i’m fine. what’s wrong with this?” it comes out lighter than you intend, voice still narrowed by your fading orgasm.

he clears his throat of something thick and presses the heels of his hands into his eyes, but he’s not as decisive as he was that first time, and a piece of you lifts. “so much.”

“you’re just being combative now.”

he laughs, then, sort of delirious, but your cheeks warm with it anyway as he says, “it’s like i…” and then he raises his head to peer down at you, “i can’t help myself. i don’t know.”

you sigh. “are you planning on trying again? to help yourself?”

he looks around the room, mostly untouched despite your coming. “i guess so.”

you nod, brushing your pointer finger down his bicep. he doesn’t flinch. you find you aren’t angry at him, what with the overwhelming sense that it’s unnecessary. there’s a resignedness about him, one that’s unbiting and soft; it will give under your fingertip, if you push it. 

“okay. come find me when you give up,” you say, and there’s no malice in it. he leans back on the couch and runs a knuckle down your hand splayed between you.

“alright.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

by the time joel looks for you again, you’re altogether impressed—he held off, this time, for a whole 48 hours. when that soft spot you prodded two days earlier finally caves in, he comes to bang on your door in the near twilight darkness. you let him in, and he insists, repeats like a hymn into your stomach as he gets on his knees, that this ain’t fucking either, and pulls your jeans off.

you don’t tell him it’s your first time having your pussy eaten; in your experience, men find the end of the world a wholly viable excuse for avoiding it. the lack of it hasn't bothered you until he presses his face into your cunt, swirling his tongue around your clit and anchoring his hands on your hips.

“oh jesus fuck oh my god, sting,” you moan, still pressed up against the wall by the door. you pull on his hair to grind yourself further onto his face and he groans into your skin “so good, darlin, so good.”

joel laves his tongue over your clit, circling and rolling it on his taste buds. you’re screaming, and hitch a leg over his shoulder. “fingers, joel, please.”

you feel him smirk, frenzied, into your cunt, tongue and teeth still eating at you there, mumbling, “say it again.”

you whine, “please, please,” but he shakes his head, and the friction pulls your spine from the wall into an arc in the air. your toes curl as the heat of his mouth spreads from your pussy through your body and you know you’ll be close soon, but you want to feel him inside. “i’ll say it as many times as you want me to, fuck, please.”

“my name, my name, say it again,” he corrects, sounding about as lost as you are.

you respond immediately, pleading, “joel, joel, joel, please, your fingers, joel,” and as he growls at the sound of his name in your mouth he pushes two fingers into your aching sex. you feel your cunt swallow them whole, pulsing and buzzing around them.

“jesus, so fuckin tight.”

you dig your heel into his back and he thrusts his fingers faster, stroking your walls and reaching for your cervix. the sound of you, around his hand and dripping down his wrist, makes you both rasp out something unintelligible. you try to mewl out something like i’m so fucking close, and joel seems to understand, nodding slightly. as you tug tighter on his hair and pleasure comes roaring at you, world humming and white as you gush, joel pulls his fingers from you to position his mouth under your hole, pushing his tongue in and out of you. you scream, at him and yourself, that it’s so good, and he moans in agreement, lapping up everything you give him. 

when it’s over, you slump slightly against the wall, and he leans back on his haunches to assess you, naked from the waist down and barely standing. he looks down at the fingers he pulled from you, wetness shining here, and then back at your bare thigh. without a word, he begins to bring them up to your skin.

“joel, what are you-”

he looks possessed, almost, unresponsive, as he wipes his fingertips across you. you look down, light catching where he’s touched you. J. the sight of it makes you slide fully to the floor, something quick and beastly baring its teeth within you. the silhouette of his cock, stiff in his pants, draws you in. you feel him watching you as you stare.

“can i?”

he shakes his head, out of breath. “no.”

“please?”

“i think i really will die if i see my cock in your mouth,” he heaves, and you both sputter at the thought. you bump your head on the wall behind you and close your eyes.

“thank you, sting.”

you hear him sniff as he lifts himself from the floor. the door creaks open.

“wasn’t for you.”

he leaves you to cope with whatever that means, dripping onto your floorboards.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

neither you nor joel ever say, out loud, that your rapacious meetings are confidential, but it’s an unsaid promise you keep regardless. the moments come to you much like the strawberries, small and saccharine and due for rot, but yours. he holds you taut against the side of the stables to pet his middle and ring fingers into you, stretching you like a promise he knows he cannot keep; he finds you, before patrol and after, to fuck you on his tongue, leaving marks down the backs of your thighs, blushing letters of his restraint; a few times he allows himself the demeaned enrapture of rutting his cock, through his jeans, along the seam of your pussy, rasping out soft and terrible things about the way you look and feel. all the while he reminds you, into your clit or along your hairline, that this isn’t fucking, though you suspect he says it more for the way it reverberates through you and comes back to him.

you find yourself unused to being someone’s secret. your first, danny, was dark moments in a treeline with the rest of your group feet away; the lot of you were shameless, an incestual sort of family, and nobody minded the noises. you’ve taken a few men home in jackson, too, but they unanimously found merit in the achievement of fucking you, reclusive hermit as you have been, and set the stories of you loose to circulate through the commune the morning after. you might have minded, the first time, but in time you supposed the rumors humanized you, at least, made you more woman than you sometimes let on. besides, such objectifications never materialized; to avoid castration or some other gruesome slice of a death, the whispering always quieted as you walked past, and quickly became uninteresting. before joel, it’d been a year, at least, since you’d taken someone to bed, and now you find yourself more woman than human with him, but the rest will never hear of it. a piece of you remains convinced the secrecy, for joel, is born of his mortification, disgraced by your body and the ways he meets it; this truth is an unrelenting one that twists something smarting through your chest. the rest of you remembers the J he drew on your thigh, painted on with your own slick, and thinks (hopes, if you can be honest with yourself) that he is just as possessive of you as you have become of him.

you sit on your porch bench with a strawberry in hand, red wetness staining your skin as you slice it with your knife. ellie told you a few days ago that she saw a magazine once, with food and chefs in it, and they had a page about fruit art. the both of you laughed at how trivial that sounded, doubled over on the floor of the greenhouse, but when the laughter died out, you found yourselves shoulder to shoulder wondering how exactly one made roses out of little fruits. you make nicks in the strawberry and pull them down with the flat of your knife to fan them out. it looks much more like a little pine cone.

“the hell is that?”

you don’t have to look up to know who it is, but you can’t help watching him approach. the warmth of late spring continues to dance through jackson, and you feel a heat curl in your stomach watching his forearms press from his rolled flannel sleeves. you grin down at your strawberry.

“it was supposed to be a rose, but i don’t feel too convinced.”

the soft rumble of a laugh rings through your ears. joel pulls your open hand toward him to inspect the thing.

“hm. maybe if i squint real hard.”

you pull your hand back, biting your tongue behind your cheek to keep from beaming at him. “you’re impossible.”

“uh huh,” he smirks, and sits down next to you. a second of quiet spreads its legs between you, feline and satisfied. his breathing comes slowly, deeply, and you feel your lungs synchronize with his, continuing to cut at your strawberry and spinning it in your hand.

“why’d you come?”

joel clears his throat. “not for that.”

you hum. “just the pleasure of my presence, then?”

with a smile he tries to hide from you he says, “somethin like that.”

another open moment, the wet scratch of your fathers knife reverberating in the air. joel watches the people of jackson walk by, on their paths to food or sleep or love somewhere, squints his eyes as the horde makes its way and does not turn its head to you.

“you don’t…” he circles his thumbs together, shaping his words very carefully, “you don’t got a lotta people to talk to here, huh?”

“is that what you came here for? to ask me that? don’t be an asshole.” he shrugs. you let out a tiny huff. “i don’t know, i guess not. but i don’t do a lot of talking, so i don’t need that many listeners.”

“don’t do a lotta talkin?”

“no, not really.”

“well shit, darlin, you talk a helluva lot with me. why’s that?”

something biting sinks its teeth into you, cheeks flushing and hands closing more over the strawberry, nearly mutilated now (the both of you). “cause you refuse to say anything and the silence gets exhausting.”

“i’m exhausting?” and there’s a smile in his voice that you take in like a tonic and nearly spit back up. you will not feel this feeling, you will not.

“yes, you are,” you insist, and you know you’ve laid your cards out now with the waver in your voice, feeling him shift beside you. you think he’ll let it go.

“really…” a breath, “why d’you…talk so much to me?” the emphasis, there, to me, surprises you.

“what do you mean why?”

“i been told i ain’t good company.” you smile something tragic at your feet. he continues, “and you’re so young. pretty little thing. and you don’t have any friends your own age. it’s sort of…odd.”

you could turn around, storm inside and slam the door behind you; you consider this option. but what’s one more awful truth? what’s a million more? you seem to relinquish them all, at one point or another. pretty little thing, oh god, oh god.

“i think you’re a lot like me, sting. a lot like me.”

joel shakes his head, admonishes, “don’t say that.”

“i mean it, you are.”

“i ain’t.”

“you are! i am violent and ruthless and the killing doesn’t bother me anymore. i get nightmares and i think i’m saved, but then they slip right off. the people here are so tormented by the blood on their hands, or they have none to begin with, but i don’t even mind it. that’s so much fucking worse.” joel opens his mouth to say something but you stop him. “and that’s what you are, too. i know you’ve killed people, joel, a whole fucking mass of them just like i have. but then you’re…” and here’s the most horrific part, you brace yourself for it, “you’re sort of gentle with me. did you know that?” you look at him, now, and wish you didn’t. he winces at you like you’ve punched him square in the stomach. still, you don’t rush the words, let them crawl out slowly. “that’s not forgiveness, that’s apathy. you don’t care about the things you’ve done. and i don’t either. so i…” you make one last scoring line with your knife before setting it down, cupping the fruit between both hands and letting the juice seep out. “i guess i thought talking to you would feel good. it does feel good.”

joel’s eyes are brown and gleaming at you, and you watch as he unties the things you’ve said. he looks over your eyelashes, the bridge of your nose, at the plush of your lips, and then out onto the street ahead, slouching over. please say something, say anything.

“you got a real keen eye on you, baby.”

something heavy and unforgiven washes out of you, but he sounds like absolution, you think, with the drawl and the sugar in his words. “you think so?”

“mhm.”

the tone of his voice reaches around you, shakes a grin along your lips as you hold back deep heaves in the column of your throat. his broadness sat next to you, his unrelenting appraisals of you, it’s all deeply intimate; he twists you in his palm like you and your little fruit, but he does not slice you open. he raises a thumb to cup around the back of your head, stroking the pad back and forth along your hairline. you don’t dare move. 

he whispers, “so soft here.” you shudder, and the bench creaks as he leans over. you feel the heat of his lips press, light as anything but intentional, decided, right under where he’d dragged his thumb. threading his fingers up through your hair he holds you in place, dipping his canines a moment into the line of your neck before pulling back, flickering his lips one final time on the little mark he made. goosebumps raise down your shoulders and wrists at the closeness of him, scent of his spit and skin. 

you’re certain he’ll leave as he sits back in his spot, certain he’s pulled you both back to his terror of the sweetness of you. but his hand stays, he stays. you sit there, unspeaking with wet fruit in your hand, until the sun dips below the horizon, his palm behind your neck, brushing his fingers over the fading indent he left. a ravenous thing tugs below your navel, pulling your wetness out, swelling your clit in your jeans, and you greet it like an old friend. but the grip up higher, around your trachea and through your arteries, is new. the beating heart of it grows with the swipe of joel’s fingers, and you know you are fucked, but oh, you’ve fought so hard. you’re condemned to love him—you’re nearly there, it occurs to you. maybe martyrdom and death in halfway love with him is worth it, if he can keep his skin on yours.

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