#would illumi ever scream?

[morallygreyyn]

hi!! i hope you're having a good day/night <3

if it's not too out there, could i request softdomme!reader restraining illumi and edging him with a vibe to try to get more of a reaction than usual out of him? break this man <3

gn or female reader is fine, up to you!

in search of perfection (sub!illumi x domme!reader)

description: you had seldom heard illumi moan, but those times you had, it was like music to your ears. now, you wanted to know what it was like when he screamed...

authors note: break him i shall, dearest anon, break him i shall <3

warnings: smut, domme/sub dynamic, edging, forced orgasms, mirror sex, smidge ooc illumi towards the end (?) this is definitely a hear me out moment as he would probably never do this but i truly just want to hear this man scream 🤧 is that so wrong?

word count: 1.5k

minors dni

requests are open! please read my rules!

You brought your mouth to Illumi’s just as he reached another climax, his fingers tightening around the restraints that bound him, a quiet grunt escaping his otherwise perfectly quiet demeanour. 

“I love seeing you like this, Illumi.” You whispered to him, nibbling his earlobe. “The sight gives my heart a bit of a rush.”

“Why?” He got the words out through clenched teeth, still feeling the relentless whirr of the vibrator against his prostate.

“I have Illumi Zoldyck under my touch, orgasmming for me over and over, being oh so obedient.” You smiled sweetly, knowing your actions were anything but. “It really is quite beautiful.”

“I don’t see what is beautiful about it.”

“You are beautiful.” He seemed to freeze at your words, mouth forming the perfect ‘o’ shape. Lovingly brushing some hair out of his face, you kissed him again before stopping the vibrator, knowing that he was on the verge of reaching another climax.

“Y/n.” 

“Yes?”

“Why?”

“For fun.” You grinned, stroking his cheek. It wasn’t time for him to know of your greater plan just yet. “You’ll be a good boy and obey, won’t you?”

Flipping the vibrator back on, you watched with delight when Illumi’s muscles strained and pulled, keeping as still as possible like you wanted. You knew he was more than strong enough to demolish any form of bonds, but that would result in your displeasure, and Illumi oddly loved to please. Illumi was also tough, and would never express what he was feeling, if anything at all. So, being the helpful person that you are, you took it upon yourself to coax whatever reactions out of him that you could. If that meant breaking him then so be it.

Sensing he was close again, you cruelly turned off the vibrator and stood.

“Where are you going?” He asked as you left him on the bed, heading towards the box where you kept your toys.

“Just here.” You replied with a smile, taking your time choosing what you would use to make Illumi moan. It was a rare phenomenon, but it could be done. You had heard the elusive sound a precious few times, and you were determined to hear it again. 

Choosing your apparatus, you turned to him with a wicked glint in your eye, and Illumi knew that he would be here for a while.

It had been a couple of hours before Illumi showed promise. You had broken him down enough for his quiet grunts to turn into moans, and you couldn’t deny how beautiful he both sounded and looked. His long black hair spread around him like glossy tar, his toned and lithe body twitched and flexed with each sensation that rippled through him, a light flush dusted his cheeks as he gazed at you, fathomless eyes as heavy and pulling as a black hole. 

“What more do you want?” He breathed, words hitching as your hand traced lightly over his sensitive skin. Despite being highly trained, he was only human. 

“Scream for me, Illumi.” Your touch was as soft as a whisper, lovingly caressing his pale skin. “I want you to scream.”

“How are you going to do that?” Illumi’s question was little more than curious, albeit unintentionally condescending. He sounded as though that was an impossible task.

“With this.” You brought your hand to rest against the strap-on you would use to fill his hole, knowing he was the most unabashed when being pounded. “I think it’s high time you get filled, wouldn’t you agree?”

“What’s so special about that?” Illumi had never screamed before but, then again, he had never been made to feel this good before. He also couldn’t deny the want, which was a completely new feeling for him. 

“What’s special is that,” You pointed towards the vibrator that was rapidly buzzing against his new erection. “Is staying on.”

“Oh.” He sighed, eyelids fluttering shut at your words. He was at the brink of some precipice, although he didn’t know what. This was further than you both had ever gone before, and he didn’t quite know the extent of pleasure you were subjecting him to. He had only been exposed to bodily pleasure after meeting you. 

Settling between Illumi’s legs, something caught your eye from your peripheral vision. Turning to look at the mirror, a wicked idea formed in your mind. That was perfect.

Unfastening his restraints, you tilted his chin upwards to meet your gaze. “Get on the floor and face the mirror, I want you on your hands and knees.”

Illumi moved off of the bed to comply with your command, seemingly less fluid and graceful than he usually moved. You could tell he was tempted to tear the vibrator off of him, but you knew he was feeling too good to remove it. Only a man as strong as he was could withstand such sensitive and overbearing pleasure and find it enjoyable. 

You watched as Illumi exposed himself to you, meeting your eyes through the reflection of the mirror. Oh, the sight of him almost froze you in place. With hooded eyes, a light flush on his cheeks, lips parted, and hair tumbling to the floor, you almost lost your demeanour and pounced. How had you gotten so lucky? Who else knew this side of Illumi? He was simply exquisite.

You kept his gaze as you moved to stand behind him, kept it as you dropped to your knees, hands running up the inside of his soft thighs. His muscles tremored slightly beneath your touch. Yes, he was definitely ready. Finally, after hours, Illumi would be responsive enough.

His hole was already wet and open from the prostate vibrator that had abused him for the majority of the day, and so it took very little effort as you slowly pushed into him, taking your time and savouring the look on his face as you did so. Yes, the mirror was a fantastic idea.

One you had buried yourself to the hilt, you stilled. The only sound in the room was the whir of the vibrator, and Illumi’s heavy breathing.

“Move.” He demanded, fingers curling against the wooden floor. You smirked, he was desperate.

“Why should I?” You felt wicked as you grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled, coaxing a low moan from the boy. “Is that what you want?”

“Yes.”

You pulled him up, his back flush against your chest while your hand wrapped around his throat, giving it a slight squeeze. “You want me to fuck you nice and good?”

“Yes.”

“If you insist.” You kissed his neck before pushing him back down and letting him touch the floor again. “I am looking forward to that scream, Illumi.”

Pulling out as slowly as you pushed in, your hips snapped forward and Illumi jolted. Without giving him a moment to catch his breath, you began pounding. Having been edged for hours, Illumi almost couldn’t handle the unbearable sensation of both a vibrator and a strap-on making him feel overwhelmingly sensational. He felt as though he was on fire, his entire being was burning.

You watched carefully through the mirror, watching his face contort as he lost control of both his emotions and his reactions. Moans freely fell from his lips, and grew ever louder the closer he got to his high that he had been chasing but denied. His face looked almost pained, but you knew it was from exquisite pleasure. Illumi would never look pained if he was actually in pain. 

His eyes rarely left yours, only briefly a few times when his eyes closed on a particularly good thrust that brushed against his prostate. His voice had become strangled, almost choking on the sounds he was making. You wrapped some of his hair around your fist as you rode his ass, sincerely loving every moment of this. His expression was one you had never seen before and you felt the need to commit it to memory. 

“You’re so beautiful.” You couldn’t help but say, and his eyes flickered to yours before returning to watching himself get fucked by you. You could tell he was extraordinarily close, his voice getting louder and louder with each snap of your hips. “I will let you finish, but you know the condition.”

“I know.” He managed, crying out as he held your gaze once more. His eyes did not stray from you as he reached the high he so desperately sought, and Illumi Zoldyck came with a scream. 

If you could have a single sound memorised, it would have been that one. It was simply perfection. 

Helping him through his earth shattering orgasm, Illumi’s body trembled against yours as he slowly came back to earth. 

You pulled out and took off the vibrator, tossing them to the side to be cleaned later. Your first priority was your boyfriend who was lying on the floor, forehead pressed against the wooden panels as he caught his breath.

“You got what you wanted.” He said as you brought him into your arms, his head dropping against your shoulder. 

“It was perfect.” You stroked his hair, planting kisses against his temples as you made him look at you.  “You are perfect.”

[yandere-daydreams]

Title: Daytrip.

Pairing: Yandere!Illumi x Reader (Hunter x Hunter).

Word Count: 5.6k.

TW: Fem!Reader, Non/Con, Prolonged Captivity, Mentions of Kidnapping, Mentions of Animal Death, Semi-Public Sex, Controlling Behavior, Deliberate Isolation, and Stalking.

The first thing you saw when you opened your eyes was, per usual, Illumi’s face.

His dark eyes wide and unblinking, his skin bloodlessly pale, his lips pulled into a thin, neutral line – and all of it no more than three inches away. You were too numb to his off-putting proximity to scream, but you flinched back into your pillow on instinct, and Illumi took the hint, lingering for another half second longer before drawing back. A few months ago, you might’ve scrambled away, barricaded yourself in the smallest corner of your lavish bedroom, but now, you only rolled onto your side, regarding him with the same exhausted resignation that you used to pay to your cat, when she woke you up three hours early for no other reason than her own selfish desire not to spend the small hours of the morning alone.

“What’s up?”

It might’ve been a little too casual of a greeting for your kidnapper, but he didn’t seem to mind. “There are clothes waiting for you on your vanity. The butlers will help you dress as soon as possible.”

 So this was going to be an out-of-bed thing, after all. Reluctantly, you started pushing yourself up. “Are we in a hurry for a reason, or…?”

There was a brief moment of consideration, then a resolute nod from Illumi. You let out an inward sigh. “Okay, whatever, that’s my fault. Why are we in a rush, ‘lumi?”

“I have something planned for the two of us.” If you hadn’t known better, you might’ve thought you saw his expression light up. “A daytrip, I believe.” And then, as if as an afterthought, “I’m very excited.”

Illumi’s excitement was normally something you tried to avoid, but your mind seemed to glaze over that and settle on the word ‘daytrip’ instead. Daytrips meant traveling. Daytrips meant activities.

Most pressingly, daytrips meant getting to leave the empty, lifeless, murderer-infested wasteland that was his family’s estate for the first time since he carried you through its gates. You knew better than to say that in as many words, though.

“And for this daytrip, we’ll be going…” You trailed off, gesturing in the direction you felt most strongly would lead back to civilization. “…out there?”

“We’ll be leaving the mountain, yes.”

“And we’ll be going place where other people are?”

“I suppose so, if it can’t be avoided.”

“And your family wasn’t involved with this at all?”

“They don’t think it’s right for you to be given so much freedom so quickly,” he explained. “I disagree. Even well-trained dogs have to be walked.”

For the first time ever, you had to resist the urge to kiss him.

Instead, you only let yourself smile, casting your sheets aside and settling for a brief but bone-crushing hug. “Thank you thank you thank you!” You pulled away abruptly, sliding off of the mattress. “I—I’ll get dressed!”

Illumi didn’t move, didn’t react, but his eyes followed you as you stumbled across the room – happier than you’d been in months.

~

A little less than an hour later, you were spread across Illumi’s lap in the back of a surprisingly conspicuous black car, the divider raised to block a faceless driver from view. It took a concerted amount of effort to keep your attention on anything but the window, but you managed, only sparing the occasional glance towards the passing scenery.

You watched the mountainside spiral downward as Illumi’s hands settled around your waist, measuring the widening gaps between dense patches of forestry as his mouth ghosted over the side of your neck. It’d always surprised you – how tactile he was, how someone so cold could be so fond of peppering feather-light kisses into your collarbones and groping at your thighs. It’d been weeks since the last time you tried to brush off his affection. As far as you were concerned, there were worse things he could do to you than mimic the behavior of a more conventional boyfriend.

(At some point, you’d come to think of Illumi as the unclimbable, unmovable, twenty-foot-tall wall that separated you from freedom. You didn’t like him, sure, but you had to recognize that on your own, you had no chance of getting past, over, or around him. If something happened to render him a little weaker, a little less tall, a little more susceptible to opening his gates, then things might change, but you couldn’t rely on elusive possibilities. The way you saw it, you could either waste your time trying to overcome an insurmountable obstacle, or you could save your energy and try to make things as pleasant on this side of the wall as was humanly possible, given your below-standard working conditions. Until you met someone willing to offer you a ladder, at least.)

He buried his face in the crook of your neck, and your eyes flitted back to the window. You were passing buildings, now – houses and apartments, people dotted in front of them blurred mannequins. “Can you tell me where we’re going, or am I not supposed to know?”

He seemed to think for a second, but answered quickly enough. “Brunch, first,” he said, not bothering to pull away from you. “The rest is a surprise.”

You pursed your lips. You used to like surprises, but Illumi had managed to change a lot of things about you. “Is ‘the rest’ something I’ll like?”

 “It’s something you’ve been known to enjoy.”

It took everything you had not to roll your eyes. You’d been ‘known to enjoy’ a lot of things, most of which Illumi had taken away from you.

There was one more open-mouthed kiss pressed into your collarbone, one more stolen glance of the outside world, and then, the vehicle was easing to a steady halt in front of a rustic, almost quaint building. A café, you realized, as Illumi stepped out in front of you, holding the door open while you stared wide-eyed at the perfectly idyllic, perfectly normal restaurant. The cute type, with a triangular roof and a greenery-laden front porch and chipped paint on either side of the front door.

Subconsciously, some part of you must’ve decided that you’d never see anything more charming or more homey than the lifeless grounds of Illumi’s estate again. You opted not to linger on that, as you stepped out of the car.

The interior was similarly fairytale-esque. There weren’t any other customers or wait-staff, which you’d expected, but string lights hung from the rafters, fresh wildflowers sitting in pitchers on each table. Illumi let you choose where to sit, and you shot for a spot closest to the front windows – bay-style and freshly cleaned, the kind of thing you might’ve stared longingly out of while nursing an overpriced latte for the better part of an hour. Suit-clad butlers stood guard on either side of the door, but if you were lucky, you’d still be able to catch the occasional pedestrian walking by. You would’ve given anything to sit in a room filled to bursting with other people, but since you couldn’t have that, you’d settle for being able to watch a handful from a distance.

“You’re staring.”

“So?” You responded to Illumi without looking away. “You stare at me all the time.”

“That’s different. I have a reason to look at you.”

“Which is?”

“I love you.”

It might’ve been easier to believe if he hadn’t said it with all the warmth and all the affection of a corpse, already given time to cool.

You changed the topic swiftly.

“It’s a little nostalgic, honestly. I used to come to places like this all the time, especially before I made any friends in the city. It was nice to feel lonely in a aloof-and-mysterious kind of way, instead of an anti-social-and-depressed sort of way.”

“Oh, you were never really alone.” You didn’t say anything, but you made the mistake of shifting your gaze onto him, of spurring him forward with the reward of your attention. “It was a guilty pleasure of mine – spending time with you before we met. I preferred it when you sat outside. It was easier to smell your perfume, in the open air.”

You grit your teeth. It wasn’t the most disturbing thing he’d ever admitted, but it definitely made the list. “…I think I would’ve remembered sitting next to someone like you.”

If he’d been more expressive, you could’ve imagined him smirking. “You would think so, wouldn’t you?”

There was a brief lapse, a moment of uncertainty on your part. Finally, you asked, “Did I smell… nice?”

“Very.” Illumi didn’t share your sense of trepidation. “Like cinnamon.”

You hummed, and as if by magic, a waitress appeared from the door to an unseen kitchen – white knuckling her pen with one hand and driving her nails into her notepad with the other. She took your orders with a terrified sort of professionalism, and before you left, you convinced Illumi to give you all the cash he was carrying at the moment (a sum that easily added up to half a year’s worth of rent, handed over without so much as a passing question) and left it on the table for her to find.

~

Your second stop was as surprising as Illumi had promised. If anything, he’d undersold it.

If the quaintness of the café had been enough to throw you into a stupor, then the sheer scale of the building in front of you could’ve sent you to an early grave. A mall – a nice mall, either recently built or nestled so far into the upper-class shopping district that you never would’ve come across it organically, the type with glass where there should’ve been walls and a fountain without any coins at the bottom. You were tempted to try and pester loose change off of one of the butlers flanking you, but decided against it. The café, you could’ve stumbled into on your own, without Illumi’s intervention. It just didn’t feel right to leave a mark where you so obviously didn’t belong.

More similarly to the café, though, the inside of the shopping complex was startlingly empty. Butlers and hired security were posed in front of exits, but other than that, it wasn’t hard to believe that you and Illumi were the only people on the property. As soon as you were past the initial entryway, you ducked into the closest store – a high-end cosmetics retailer. The door was unlocked, but there was no cashier at the register. Like someone had already come through and cleared it out.

“This is some backrooms shit,” you mumbled to yourself, and then, to Illumi, ever-hovering just over your shoulder. “You didn’t… you know, do what you normally do to people you don’t like, right?”

“Are you asking me if I killed everyone in this shopping complex prior to our arrival?”

“Well, not everyone,” you clarified. “Maybe just the employees?”

He didn’t laugh, but the corner of his mouth turned ever-so-slightly upward, as if you’d said something funny. “No, that would’ve taken far too much time.” The unnecessary loss of life went unacknowledged. “The building’s rented out, and the stock’s been purchased in advance. You’re only deciding what you’d like to keep.”

Huh.

One day, you were going to sit him down and have a long, long talk about class privilege and resource waste. If you were feeling generous, you might even throw generational wealth onto the lecture, just to make sure he got the full picture.

One day, but not today.

“The third floor always has the best stores,” you said, turning on your heel and grabbing Illumi’s hand, too distracted to think anything of the gesture. “Let’s start there.”

You weaved in and out of stores with reckless abandon, hyper-aware that you had no one’s time to waste but your own. Essentials were overlooked entirely, makeup and self-care supplies limited to eyeshadow pallets with no less than several dozen eye bleeding colors and bath-bombs that were more glitter than pigment, and clothes made up the bulk of your adoration. Everything that wasn’t in your size had already been removed – something as worrying as it was convenient. The only thing you refused to try on was loungewear. It would’ve been practical, sure, but you didn’t need to be reminded that this was likely the last time you’d ever leave Illumi’s sprawling home.

“You know,” you called from a dressing room, pulling a gingham dress over your head. You couldn’t see Illumi, but you were sure he wasn’t far. He didn’t seem to have much of an interest in shopping, but his favorite hobby was looming over your shoulder like some blank-eyed, haphazardly domesticated bird of prey, so it balanced out. “If this had been our first date, I probably would’ve married you.

You heard him hum as a weight settled against the dressing room door. “I enjoyed our first date. It was endearing – how long you rested your head in my lap.”

“Well, yeah. The paralytics you used were so strong, I couldn’t move for three days.” You’d still lose feeling in your left arm, if you held it at the wrong angle. It reminded you a little of your cat, after she first came around to the idea of sitting in your lap. You’d been so afraid of scaring her off, you’d let your legs fall asleep before you so much as thought about moving her. “I just meant that the whole ‘kidnapping’ thing probably wouldn’t have been necessary, y’know? I wasn’t exactly in a place to be picky when it came to creepy rich men.”

There was a brief lapse of silence, and you finally managed to drag the bodice of the dress into place. “I never considered that.”

It shouldn’t have surprised you to hear that Illumi wasn’t the dating type, and yet, you let out a breath of a laugh. “You never thought about asking me out? Not even once?”

“…no, I didn’t.” If you hadn’t known better, you would’ve thought he sounded shy. “It was hard to be practical. I was distracted. You were perfect, and contained, and I thought touching you would be—” For the first time, his voice seemed to dip, to grow just a little quieter. “—vulgar. It would’ve changed you, to know I was there.”

The skirt was layered, and you bit back the urge to curse as you smoothed over the layers of cotton and lace. “I think being abducted might’ve changed me, too.”

“It was the better option. Something would’ve fallen out of place eventually, but like this, I could save you. Only your environment had to be altered.”

He made it sound like he’d sealed you behind glass, rather than underneath a mansion occupied by the world’s most dangerous killers. You’d known better than to hope he’d be able to come up with a selfless reason for your prolonged captivity, but still. Hearing that you were miserable because he needed a ballerina to decorate his music box with stung more than you would’ve liked to admit.

“…it’s unlocked. You can come in, if you want.” Immediately, you heard the dressing room door creak open, and turned your attention towards your reflection. Out of the countless you’d tried on, there was a reason you’d saved this dress for last. You used to fantasize about being able to afford something so wonderfully needless, something you wouldn’t have had to justify with things as joyless as ‘function’ and ‘practicality’. Even now, the puffiness of the sleeves and the lace detailing around the collar and the tiny, almost impossible-to-see hearts printed onto the checked pattern felt exorbitant – borderline garish. You still didn’t have any reason to wear it, any place you could’ve gone to show it off, but then again, you didn’t have much of a reason to do much of anything when you were with Illumi. You guessed, in a roundabout kind of way, that meant you got to do whatever you wanted to.

Illumi came to stand behind you, and you leaned back, kissing his cheek gingerly. “I’ll add it to the pile. Thanks for this, ‘lumi.”

His hands found their way to your hips, settling there as he rested his chin on your shoulder. “Keep it on. It suits you.”

You tried to laugh, but fell short – your smile falling into something more strained. You really shouldn’t have said anything, but you were talking before you could stop yourself, before you could think better of it. “The cinnamon,” you started, speaking against the dryness in your throat. “When I first moved to the city, the only apartment I could afford was flat above a bakery. The ventilation was awful, and the landlord was impossible to get a hold of, and everything I owned smelled like sugar and cinnamon and bread. I couldn’t touch anything sweet for months, after I moved out.”

It was all you could do to bite down on your tongue and force yourself to stop, to shut up, to remember who you were talking to. Illumi’s response was less dramatic – as instantaneous as it was muted.

“How fitting,” he said, with a chime of a laugh. “Sweet things belong in sweet places.”

…

You could only be mad at yourself, really. What else were expecting? It wasn’t like he was going to get down on his knees and apologize, for fuck’s sake.

You sighed, melting into Illumi’s chest. Of course, he welcomed you with open arms.

~

You didn’t end up keeping any other dresses. A few other articles of clothing, a couple pairs of shoes, a small fortune’s worth of little luxuries that’d help you pass the time when you were returned, kicking and screaming, to solitary confinement, but no dresses. Well, aside from the one you were wearing, of course.

It wasn’t long before Illumi started gently ushering you to the nearest exit, and already thoroughly defeated, you didn’t try to resist. You only got distracted once on your way out, and not for very long. Illumi made sure of that.

It was kiosk-type stand – the glass cabinets filled with high-end pet toys and animal-themed tchotchkes. You couldn’t stop yourself, gasping as you broke away from Illumi and darted to the first thing that caught your eye: a bright pink collar with silver spikes, adorable and cliché and so, so cute. It was clearly meant for a dog, but it could’ve fit a cat. Or, you probably would’ve tried to make it fit a cat, rather.  

Illumi appeared at your side, as always, and you started talking without looking up. “I’m sorry, I know we’re in a rush, but it just—” You paused, trying and failing to bite back a smile. “I had this cat before you took me – her name was Ghost. She used to be the neighborhood stray, but she was getting pretty old, and I think other cats were picking on her. Eventually, I just started letting her in, and after a while, she stopped leaving. She would’ve hated something like this.” You held up the collar, gesturing dismissively before forcing yourself to set it back down. “She never really liked me. Whoever took her in shouldn’t have had too much trouble winning her over, after I disappeared.”

“Ghost,” he repeated. “Was she a black cat?”

“Yeah, that’s where her name came from. I couldn’t see her at all at night, and she could knock over anything that wasn’t nailed down. It was like living with a poltergeist.”

“She’s dead.”

You felt something small and vital tear open and start to bleed. “…excuse me?”

“You two were quite close. Had she been given the time, she would’ve woken you up the night I came to get you. I didn’t want that.” It took an embarrassing amount of time for you to make the connection, to form the link, to realize why the pain in your chest was quickly becoming so unbearable. “We can get another, if you’re upset. As a couple.”

The shock was numb, if there was any shock to be had at all. “It’s fine,” you managed, eventually, and despite the strain behind your voice, Illumi didn’t argue.

Instead, he glanced towards the nearest glass wall, to where the sun was just beginning to set over the horizon. “We should go.”

“I didn’t realize we were on a schedule.”

“You weren’t supposed to. I told you earlier – the last stop is a surprise.” This time, he was the one to take your hand, squeezing gently as he laced his fingers with yours.

It might’ve been a nice gesture, if his touch hadn’t been cold enough to burn.

~

You weren’t really sure what the third and final stop was supposed to be, at first.

An old sort of a dream knotted and coiled in your chest as his driver ferried you out of the city, metropolis shuttering into mountain backwoods. You’d never really been afraid of Illumi killing you (not when there were so many things that were so, so much worse than death), but as the car eased to a stop on the side of single-lane road, it was hard to imagine why else he would’ve taken you so far from the nearest scrap of civilization, another reason for him to wear such a bright expression as he ushered you outside - the most impatient he’d been all day. It wasn’t until you saw the trailhead – unmarked save for a wooden post and break in the foliage – that you started to relax.

“Oh,” you mumbled, your relief audible. “I’m not really dressed for hiking, ‘lumi.”

“It isn’t far.” And then, taking your hand in his, “I can carry you.��

It sounded more like a matter-of-fact statement than an offer, but you shook your head, edging forward. He was right, in the end. It couldn’t have been more than half a mile of level ground, Illumi holding your hand all the while. It wasn’t like you weren’t allowed outside on Illumi’s estate, but you spent so much time in the woods that surrounded his mansion and his mother’s gardens – it would’ve been impossible not to go numb to the absence of bird song, the treacherous slope of his mountain, how little sunlight managed to break through the dense canopy of tangled branches and leaves that seemed to lie a little closer to black than green. It was nice to be somewhere else, somewhere with humming insects and a gentleness to the landscape and just enough dappled sunlight to make you forget who you were with. You kept your head on a swivel, quietly eager to soak in as much of it as you could. If you were lucky, you’d actually get to see some life – a deer, or a wildcat, or—

Something caught in your throat, and your head lulled forward, eyes dropping to your feet. You stared at the ground for the rest of the walk.

Your destination was, similarly, storybook levels of idyllic. The forest thinned and fell away entirely, breaking into a lake that stretched on as far as the eye could see and glittered pink in the light of the setting sun. Stretched over the lake’s shore was a blanket piled with platters of chocolate-covered fruit, breads and cheese, bottles of wine with a matching pair of glasses for each option – everything you might’ve once drunkenly listed off to a friend while fantasizing about your perfect, fairytale date. You glanced around you, looking for the butlers who must’ve only just finished setting up, but Illumi was quick to call your attention back to him. You felt him let go of your hand, your body shift before you could process why you were moving, and then, you were no longer on the ground; one of Illumi’s arms hooked under your knees and the other behind your back, your side pulled against his chest in an effortless bridal carry. You made a passing attempt to squirm, but Illumi didn’t seem to mind – keeping you tucked against him as he made his way to the only unoccupied corner of the blanket and all-but dropped to the ground, leaving you splayed across his lap and safely caged within his arms.  It was hard to tell if he was trying to be romantic in his own, blank, heartless sort of way, or if he’d simply decided you weren’t moving quickly enough. For your own sake, you leaned towards the former.

“It’s awful,” you muttered, and then, correcting yourself, “Not the picnic, I mean – that’s perfect. It’s just, I can never tell what you’re thinking.”

He seemed to consider that, for a moment. A chocolate-covered strawberry was plucked out of the nearest bowl and held to your lips, and to appease him, you bit into it. Your throat still felt too knotted for you to actually enjoy eating, but it was good to keep Illumi happy. “Most of the time, I think about you,” he admitted, any hint of shame absent from his voice. “It’s an issue. It doesn’t affect my work, but it’ll start to if left unchecked.”

He thought about you while cutting down innocent civilians. Great. “And you’re not going to fix that by drowning me in a lake, right?”

“No, I’m not.” Like your question, his answer was too sincere for comfort. The way his free hand toyed with the hem of your skirt did little to ease your nerves, either. “I’ve tried keeping an amount of distance between you and I, but that hasn’t yielded much progress either.”

If he’d ever tried to keep himself away from you, you hadn’t been able to tell. His hand slipped under your skirt properly, and you twisted, reaching for the neared wine bottle. “There’s so much food here, we should really—”

“It can wait.”

It was awful, just how even his voice was. For the first time, you were tempted to give him a reason to raise it.

You’d never resisted Illumi, but he’d never tried to—tried to do this, either. There’d always been an unspoken barrier when it came to sex – your resounding horror shadowed comfortable within his apparent disinterest. Now, though, he didn’t seem very disinterested, and your lingering terror was brushed neatly to the side as his fingers grazed over your thighs, your hip, before slipping underneath the thin, silken fabric. You wanted to thrash, to bolt, but you were suddenly unable to move; paralyzed save for the reflex to clench your legs shut and sink that much deeper into Illumi’s chest. The former was undone with only as much effort as it took him to ease your thighs apart with his knee, though, and the latter only seemed to bring a soft smile to his lips – just barely prominent enough to feel as he nuzzled into the crook of your neck. If you’d been in your right mind, you might’ve thought to look for his butlers, to worry about passing hikers or concerned locals he wouldn’t think not to hurt, but Illumi had done his job well. It was impossible not to consider yourself wholly and entirely alone in the world, when you were with him.

He was less clinical than you would’ve expected. Illumi did most things with surgical precision, but touching you seemed to call for a more experimental skillset. His chin came to rest on your shoulder as his long fingers spread and explored underneath your panties, the tautness of the fabric ensuring that he always moved against you, rather than over or around. Undressing you never seemed to cross his mind; instead, his attention was trained on dragging the pad of his thumb over your clit, on using his ring and middle fingers to trace the slit of your cunt. You weren’t turned on – who could be, with their stoic kidnapper fondling them like a child learning to handle their first doll? – but your body and your mind were on two different tracks, one eager to make the best of a bad situation and the other too distraught to stop it. It wasn’t long before you could feel yourself dripping around him, your arousal adding a damp heat to your already claustrophobic point of connection. Illumi hummed. “You’re sensitive.”

You opened your mouth, but anything you might’ve said was drowned out by a hitched gasp as he thrust two digits inside of you with a wet click. “Tight, too,” he muttered, almost absentmindedly, immediately falling into a pattern of pumping and scissoring; spreading you open and pulling back only to fuck his fingers that much deeper. When he paused, it was only to curl against something particularly sensitive inside of you, to leave you shrinking that much further into his chest. “Is this uncomfortable?”

The practicality of the question caught you off-guard. You couldn’t call it considerate, but it was more than you’d expected, more than you ever would’ve hoped for. Unable to speak, you nodded furiously, and Illumi clicked his tongue. “You’ll be alright,” And then, slightly softer, “It couldn’t be any worse than what I had to deal with, waiting for you.”

There was no bitterness, no remorse, no pity; just Illumi’s cold rationality and the feeling of his palm grinding into your clit. The only warmth you could feel was the ghost of his breath on the side of your throat, the dip of your shoulder – not quite panting, but a world apart from his usual absence of expression. You tried to steel yourself, to think about anything aside from Illumi’s presence where it draped across you like a funeral shroud, but it’d been months since the last time you so much as thought about touching yourself, and for all his apathy, you could feel heat pooling in your core and recognize that your attempts to stave off the inevitable were only prolonging the insufferable. Still, it would’ve been impossible not to try and choke back your whimpers as that heat brewed and solidified into something more tense, something more breakable; as Illumi’s cheek pressed into the curve of your neck and his fingers curled against something soft and unprotected inside of you. Your climax was drawn out of you slowly, painfully, with a ragged whine in place of a moan. You kept your face buried in Illumi’s chest, your hands balled around the bodice of your dress. It felt like an eternity passed before it was over, before Illumi’s hand drew back, but no relief accompanied the distance.

You couldn’t even bring yourself to hate Illumi for it, not really. You couldn’t bring yourself to feel much of anything. The only thing you could think, as hard as you tried not to think at all, was that you missed your dead cat.

It was pathetic, honestly. A sob tore past your lips as he pulled you away from his chest and lowered you onto your back, tears burning twin tracks down your face. You couldn’t remember the last time he’d made you cry, and this shouldn’t have been your tipping point – not Ghost, not your awful shoebox apartment, not the fact that you could hear fabric tearing as he pulled your dress apart, too impatient to so much as consider a less destructive solution. You were in hysterics by the time he glanced up, the faintest possible frown coaxing the corners of his lips downward. “You’re crying.” And then, when your only response was another jagged cry, “Why?”

You opened your mouth, but only managed to force out another incoherent sob. Illumi softened, leaning over you, his dark hair forming a curtain that seemed to replace the rest of the world with unending void. Eventually, you managed to scrap up the only thing you could, even if it wasn’t what you really meant. “I—I want to go home, Illumi.”

He cocked his head to the side, staring down at you with a sort of blank focus. A moment passed, then another, before his expression brightened. “Oh.”

He leaned down, and you felt his lips brush over your forehead. His smile bit into your skin like a blade.

“We will, love.” He pulled back. You heard fabric shift, felt something hot and terrible slot against your cunt. “Just not yet.”

 You moved to respond, but gave up quickly. His mouth crashed into yours as he thrust into you and your blood ran cold.

~

Later on, in the dark, things became bearable again. Illumi was cruel, psychotic, delusional, but he was dutiful, too, and with the most beautiful dress you’d ever seen reduced to scraps, he wrapped you in his jacket and gathered you in his arms. The picnic was untouched, the breath-taking view painted over by night. None of it mattered, of course. You were too exhausted to keep your eyes open, and a bottomless pit occupied the space your stomach used to. You wouldn’t mind going the rest of your life without taking anything of the filthy, unfeeling outside world inside of you ever again, but you knew better than to swear off eating because of Illumi. Or, at least, you hoped you’d know better in the morning.

You were only half-conscious of him pulling you against his chest and starting back into the forest, following the same path you had an eternity ago. It was a stupid question, but you found yourself asking anyway, your voice low and hoarse. “Are we… Are we going somewhere?”

“Of course.” Illumi bowed his head, kissing the top of yours. “We’re going home.”

He didn’t know he was lying, but he was. He might’ve been, but you weren’t.

Slowly and with no small amount of effort, you managed to nod, slumping against his chest. No sooner had you went slack in his arms than the final tether to consciousness thinned and fell away, leaving you to be consumed by the darkness.

[cheesecakethots]

“Whore.”

You could’ve sworn the teacup in your hands cracked a little from how hard you’re gripping it. If you were Illumi, it would’ve shattered into a fine powder by now. But you’re not, which makes you susceptible to being called such things.

They’re at it again. You’re unsure as to what you’ve done to upset some of the butlers and maids, but god do they not like you. No matter. You hate everyone in this stupid boring ugly manor anyway. Huh. Maybe that’s why they hate you, too.

It must’ve been a shock to see Illumi of all people one day bring home his future wife. One he never cared to mention to anyone else beforehand, and one that was still kicking and screaming over his shoulder.

You’re not really sure how long you’ve been here. Months? A year now? However long it’s been, it didn’t take anytime at all to realise that maybe you’re not as safe here as Illumi swears you to be. His mother most definitely hates you, but, oh well, she’s never really tried anything, as far as you know.

The help started muttering things when Illumi wasn’t around, things that hurt more than you wanted to admit. When you didn’t go running off to Illumi at the first few instances of it, it got worse, as though they knew you would never tell him about it.

First off, you don’t want to give him the satisfaction of being your saviour when someone says mean things to you. Secondly, you may hate these assholes, but you have a conscience.

Only last week Illumi came into your shared bedroom, absolutely drenched in blood, asking if you could shower together. You quickly found out that whoever he had been torturing wasn’t dead yet, and he still had more to do.

Thinking about what Illumi does to people he doesn’t care about, those he’s only hurting for a job, makes you shiver at the thought of him actually harming someone who did him, or you, wrong. But, despite your mercy on them, this time you’re considering just telling him. Only a little.

You’ve had a notably stressful day, being pranced around by his mother who’s insistent on ‘training’ you to be the perfect wife for her son. Her explaining to you that the family expects at least six children from you both had you rushing to the bathroom to vomit.

Then you ran into his father, on your way back to your room. He doesn’t seem to actively dislike you, but he scares the absolute shit out of you. The man seems to think you’re some house pet rather than an actual person with thoughts and feelings, but you suppose that’s a modicum better than wanting you dead.

You also bumped into Illumi’s grandfather. You’re not sure if you can bring yourself to hate him, but you do hate the look of pity in his eyes whenever he sees you. Sometimes he’ll save you from a lecture Illumi’s mother is giving you, so he’s nice in that regard. He’d never free you, though, so he’s just another kidnapper you can’t become friendly with.

You eventually got back to your room, expecting a nice nap before being forced to attend family dinner, only to find Illumi had gotten back earlier than expected. You cringed at how hungry he was, and not for food, but just allowed him to do as he wished. You were too tired to argue. After he was done, he seemed to take note of how quiet and exhausted you were. Too bad, dinner time. You hated dinner times more than anything else.

You ate the admittedly lovely food in pure silence, but quickly became sick to your stomach at hearing Illumi and his mother discuss the prospects of you becoming pregnant. You didn’t eat anymore after that. You’re pretty sure his brother, Milluki, made some comment about you that Illumi didn’t like, which explains why his wrist was snapped in half a few seconds later.

Illumi tried spoon feeding you when noticing how full your plate was, but you managed to convince him that you weren’t hungry. That got you another lecture from his mother about how you’ll soon be eating for two. You were tempted to tell her that if you ever got pregnant you’d throw yourself into Mike’s jaws, but managed to refrain.

After that, you finally got to go to bed. It wasn’t something you were looking forward to anymore; you struggled to sleep when Illumi was home because he’d spend the majority of the night just staring at you.

“Can I go outside?”

You don’t remember why you blurted it or where the thought came from, but you remember the confused blink Illumi gave in response.

“Um.. just for.. ten minutes? O-Or five..? I just want to sit in the garden by myself for a bit… If not, it’s alright..”

You hated how pathetic you sounded, unsure as to what Illumi was thinking when he stared at you with that expressionless face.

“Alright.”

“What?”

“Would you like me to ask a maid to bring you out a cup of tea?”

You didn’t really think about his words too much, just happy you got something your way for once, and nodded rather enthusiastically. You should’ve said no.

The first few minutes of being in the garden, sat on the bench and allowing the cool nights breeze to settle on your skin had you relaxing for the first time in a while.

“Your tea, mistress.”

Oh. It was one of the ones you were sure hated you, and behind him was another. Oh, well. You took the tea from his hands, thanking them nonetheless.

It was much more bitter than you liked it, but you didn’t complain. You didn’t really want tea in the first place. They didn’t leave, but you didn’t complain. Illumi probably asked them to watch over you, maybe to make sure you didn’t try to run. It’s alright, you still have a nice view to relax with.

“Whore.”

Your eyes widen a little, and your grip on the cup increases. They continue muttering amongst themselves, but you catch small, demeaning phrases that you’re certain are aimed at you.

Why are you a whore? You’d never even had sex before you met Illumi, and if you had, it wouldn’t be their business. You’re hardly allowed to interact with anyone other than who Illumi allows you to. Where would you have the chance to sleep around? The insult doesn’t make much sense.

That’s what you tell yourself, despite the fact that your shoulders and hands are shaking and you feel something cold and wet running down your cheeks.

Shit.

You put the cup on the floor, hands moving to cover your face and wipe away any evidence of tears. Illumi hated when you cried.

Why are you still crying? What they said doesn’t make any sense. Stop crying, enjoy the view. You don’t have long left before you have to go back inside.

You’re still crying. You don’t notice that it’s gone eerily silent aside from your own muffled sobs, too busy working on shutting yourself up.

“[Name].”

Shit. Shit!

He’s been sat next to you for god knows how long now, and you didn’t even realise. God, this sucks.

“Why are you crying?” Illumi asks, and you can feel him move closer to you on the bench.

“I-I’m not,” you say, a hand still covering your eyes. What excuse do you give? If you say hay fever will he never let you out in the garden again? If you say you have a cold, will he keep you inside your bedroom for a few weeks? Months?

He doesn’t say anything, but you can feel him staring at you.

“Would you like to stay outside for a bit longer?”

Oh.

“Ye-Yeah. Y-Yes please,” you eventually reply, gulping down another sob.

He doesn’t leave, but you’re less bothered by his presence than usual. Despite it being… him, it’s not horrible to have some company, even though you’d never admit it out loud.

You’re not sure how long you sit outside before he stands, prompting you to do the same. Neither of you say anything, not until you reach your bedroom and Illumi tells you in a tone softer than you’d usually hear from him that he has something he must do, so you’ll be sleeping alone tonight.

You turn to go to bed, but he grabs your wrist. He doesn’t look at you for a moment, seemingly considering something. Then, he stiffly leans forward, pressing his lips to your forehead rather robotically. Sometimes you wonder if he is a robot, it really would explain a lot.

The kiss ends soon after it begins.

“Get some rest. You look bad.”

You huff a little, but can’t bring yourself to actually be offended due to the thinly veiled concern in his tone.

The sleep you get is better than you expected. Maybe not having a mass murderer eyeing you up while you try and rest is a reason for that.

Illumi doesn’t show up for the entirety of the next day, which is a little strange. He likes seeing you off in the morning, giving you a kiss before he departs - you’re certain he copied it from a romance movie you used to enjoy watching from time to time. You don’t question his absence too much, you don’t exactly enjoy his company, after all.

The day you have is better than the last. Illumi’s mother seems to be a bit less of a bitch than usual. That’s a win in your book.

It doesn’t take long for you to be back in your warm bed, wrapped up in covers and drifting off to sleep.

You wake up to the feeling of something wet hitting the tip of your nose, and quiet breathing above you.

“Are you awake?”

You are now. It’s pitch black in the room, but you can make out Illumi looming over, his hair framing around you like some makeshift cage.

Still sleepy, you groan a little, “Illumi? What… time is it?”

Something wet hits the bed.

“2:57 AM.”

Huh. You breathe in through your nose. Illumi absolutely reeks. Metallic, is it? You’re not sure it’s the best idea to comment on it.

“Oh. Okay.”

Another drip of something onto the blanket. He doesn’t seem to be in the talking mood.

“Have I done something wrong?”

“… Yes.”

Another.

You gulp. “Are you mad at me?”

“I don’t think so.”

Another drip, this time it hits your arm.

“Are you going to hurt me?”

You could’ve sworn you saw his eyes narrow in the darkness.

“No.”

The silence is deafening. Your hands clutch onto the end of the blanket. He leans impossibly closer, and the stench of whatever is on him becomes all too familiar. He’s smelt like it before, but never this strong.

“How long were the help bothering you?”

“Since I got here.” There’s little point in trying to lie about it now.

“If you hide something from me again I’ll break three of your fingers.”

A little specific, but the threat certainly does the job.

“Okay. I’m… sorry.” You’re not.

Finally, he pulls away, eyes still trained on your face.

“Go to sleep.”

You don’t. You’re certain that you can’t, at least not for tonight. Especially not after hearing him turn the shower on, and after he’s done leave the room once more.

Instead, you sit and stare at the ceiling, and wonder if any of those in the basement will even have three fingers left of them, by the time he’s done.

[animeyanderelover]

Tw: Yandere themes, toxic relationship, possessive behavior, obsession, delusional thoughts, clinginess, stalking, manipulation, male reader

Tags: @jamayah @chxxz @leveyani @cynniical @shenryu-sama

Zoldyck family with Gojo-like older twin of Illumi

Zeno Zoldyck

🐲​You'd think that as one of the oldest members of the Zoldyck family, Zeno would act his role as the strict grandfather and drill into you every lesson you need to know as the future head of the family. Instead he has taken the complete opposite role and has settled into being the chill granddad for it is his son's role to lecture you in everything you need to know, not his. Most of the time he spends with you is more comparable to him just hanging out with you, unless he notices that you are slacking off in which case he will show you why despite his age he is still a feared assassin in the world. There are constant jokes thrown back and forth between you two as both of you try to see who can deliver verbally the bigger blow whilst both of you take it without a single grain of salt. Even during missions both of you have together, you tend to see who has the better one-liners all whilst being completely indifferent to the screaming and terrified targets. Silva has voiced his disdain as he thinks that Zeno is being too soft yet Zeno has always stood up. He's a proud grandfather so just let him do what he wants to do with his favorite grandchild. After all your very first word ever was "grandpa", how could he not love you?

Silva Zoldyck

🐺​For all the respect he holds for his own father, the old man is giving him a headache with the way he treats you, his heir. Silva claims most of your time, either training you or teaching you everything you need to know as the next head of the clan. You are his entire pride and he has high expectations for you which he is confident you will live up to. There is especially much time poured into helping you honing your special Nen-abilities of the Infinity and your Six Eyes, skills which he is proud that you have gotten as it only further solidifies you as one of the strongest members of the family. He's aware of the fact that you favor your grandfather though and he knows that Zeno often sneaks away with you because he wants to spend time with you and the GIF I've used is probably the exact same expression he gives the two of you when he catches you. Is he perhaps a tad bit jealous that you favor your grandfather over your own dad? Perhaps, he is rather possessive after all but he would never admit that though his suffocating aura is already indicator enough of his feelings. He's most likely never gotten fully over it that your first word wasn't "dada" and Zeno has never let him forget it either.

Kikyo Zoldyck

🔺​Kikyo has a terrible streak of jealousy and that isn't made better by the fact that Silva and Zeno steal so much of your time for themselves. As a result she is all the more smothering and clingy the moment you are by yourself as she seems to wait for you to be alone like a starved predator and pounces on you the moment neither of the two men are around. This woman is always complimenting you for everything. For your talents, your strength, your caring personality, your looks and whatever else you can think of. There is a tinge of bittersweet melancholy though as she sometimes mourns the time where you were chubby and small and came always stumbling towards her with a happy look on your face. Her little bird has left the nest far too quickly and has grown so independent.... Your kind and caring personality can be easily a trigger of her jealousy though whenever you pay attention to one of your siblings or can't spend time with her since you have promised someone else already that you'd be with them. She always makes a huge clamour whenever the topic of potential partners is involved as no one in her eyes could be worthy of her beautiful baby boy.

Illumi Zoldyck

🤎​For as long as Illumi can remember, you two have always been together. You complete him, he completes you. After all both of you have been sharing the same womb, have shared everything since the very moment the two of you were conceived. It is this mindset that has always pushed Illumi to be surprisingly clingy, your silent shadow that has been trailing behind you ever since the two of you could crawl. From all of his siblings he has always thought that he deserves you the most, perhaps even more than the entirety of the Zoldyck family as the both of you share a special connection as twins. He's casually thrown needles into people's heads when they so much as dared to question whether the two of you are really twins as your appearances are like night and day, silently enraged whenever someone would do as much as doubt just how close the two of you are. He's the one seeking you out even quicker than Kikyo when neither Silva nor Zeno are in sight and likes to whisk you somewhere where he can have the time with you he thinks he deserves more than anyone else. He's tried to scare some of his other siblings away whenever he thought that they were stealing you away from him.

Milluki Zoldyck

💻​Going back to Illumi bullying his siblings whenever they also try to get your time, poor Milluki is the one who gets the most of it, though Milluki has used this fact often to play the victim card to try to coax you into spending more time with him. Activities with Milluki contain munching on snacks whilst playing some video games or watching some Anime and with passing years this guy has installed an entire security system to make sure that no one disturbs him when he has you, his older brother with him in the room. The ony time where he has gotten too scared and let someone in his room is when either Zeno or Silva knock on his door as he knows fully well that they'll break it if he doesn't open it within 3 seconds. Whenever he has managed to make you promise to spend an evening with you, he buys tons of your favorite snacks and prepares your favorite movies, games and series so that everything is to your liking and so that he can hopefully become your favorite sibling. He's even made a phone specifically for you and gifted it to you on your birthday. There are a lot of special apps and features included on the phone, one of them being a very secretive tracker which allows him to always know your location.

Killua Zoldyck

🪀​Killua has been clinging to you since he was a toddler and that hasn't changed much over the years. Seemingly adapting to the strategies of Zeno, Killua is always sneaky when he seeks you out and beckons you to follow him and spend time with him. He's probably one of the few who is willing to share his time with you together with some of his other siblings which is pretty much only Alluka. You've always indulged him though, knowing that there was a certain pressure on him due to his white hair and blue eyes as well. Killua has taken some pride in his appearance though, mainly because people not associated with his family always instantly acknowledged him as your younger brother whilst such recognition wasn't as granted with people like Illumi or Milluki which causes him to act somewhat smug in such given situations. Both of you have a sweet tooth and whenever one of you is on a mission, it has become a sacred ritual that the person buys something sweet before heading home again to share it with the other. The poor boy was heartbroken when you couldn't come with him when he took his Hunter Exam, though you strongly spoke up for him when people like Kikyo were hesitant to let him go.

Alluka Zoldyck

💝​Whereas almost the entire rest of the family has always shunned Alluka, Killua and you were the only ones willingly spending time with her and playing with her. As a result Alluka as well as Nanika genuinely view the two of you as the only people both of them need and really love and Nanika especially grants the both of you free wishes. Okay, maybe not always free. At times there are demands for you such as wanting a piggyback from you, wanting a kiss on the cheek or wanting to be lifted up and spun around by you. Whenever you hear such words coming out of Alluka's mouth you instantly know that both of them want your affection and attention in that moment and you have never been able to deny them their requests, even if you have never used the wishes you were granted in return for something sinister. The room Alluka is kept in is filled with plushies and prettily designed because you demanded it to be that way and whenever Alluka or Nanika want the walls to be painted a different colour or desire a new plushie, you always take it upon yourself to fulfill them their wish and Killua gives you a helping hand for the majority of the time.

Kalluto Zoldyck

🏮​Kallluto has arguably got the worst luck as he is the youngest member of the family and often is brushed over by all of his other siblings who deem that he should wait for his turn. The poor boy is a professional stalker even from a young age as he has spend countless hours watching other members of the family having fun with you all whilst he is deprived of it. He plays the even bigger victim card than Milluki for such reasons in the very moment you call out to him and spend time with him. Whenever you two walk around, he either clings to the sleeves of your clothes or even manages to hold your hand, his head constantly tilted so that he can look at you with sparkling eyes. The insecurities he sometimes feels as a result of being somewhat overlooked as the entire household revolves around you is something he learns to use effectively as an advantage when he wants to steal your attention away from someone else because he knows you'll crouch down and ask him if everything is alright the moment he starts fidgeting around with his fingers and makes himself small. As you are the person he idolises and looks up to, he ends up adapting your likes and dislikes all to feel closer to you.

[milkbobatyun]

for you, i'd do it all over again

pairing: illumi x reader

genre: angstober, events

summary: you loved illumi, to the extent that you would destroy yourself, work yourself to the bone, with the silver of hope that he would look at you with love in his gaze, but does he ever?

word count: 904

a/n: finally wrote an illumi fic for you @nfekwefdskldm, some creds to you, (¬_¬") *big sigh from me* "miss skibidi rizzler @nfekwefdskldm" for giving me inspo for the last part (smw save me i was held at gun point to say this)

his nen was overpowering, stifling the breaths lingering in your chest. blood ran down your forehead, the scarlet liquid of life streaming from the shallow cuts all around your body.

illumi’s tall figure loomed over your crumpled body, his gaze cold and unfeeling.

“you’re weak.” his emotionless voice echoed around the chamber, the light catching and reflecting off of his golden shiny needles, peeking from his fingers.

“get up.” he ordered, voice sharp and unyielding, as though failure to comply was not an option.

your limbs felt like lead, weighing you down as your muscles screamed in protest. the love, no, the fear you had of him gnawed at your insides, threatening to crush your resolve.

despite the pain, you placed your shaking hands onto the ground, pushing against the cold stone floors of the training room. you were fighting to stay awake. after all, no ordinary person could fight for 36 hours straight, without sleep.

slowly and painfully, you forced yourself to your feet, fire smoldering behind your eyes, defiant and ready.

“good,” he murmured, face unchanging. this wasn’t praise. it was merely a comment, an expectation. it was a requirement that you finished this intensive training before you went onto your mission.

and so, you stood, shaky but upright, facing the twisted monster before you, the one that your heart held true to, knowing that he only saw you as a puppet on a string, not his lover.

the mission had been long and intense, you stalked your prey day and night, sleepless, driving by the hope of going home to illumi. you imagined him, waiting in the foyer of the mansion, despite the ungodly hour of night, impatiently hoping for you to get home, so he could wrap you in a warm, comforting hug.

the poison surged through your veins, a biting pain that kept you awake as you trudged up the mountainous path. you clung to the miniscule shard of hope, that he would be waiting for you. something, anything to make this suffering worthwhile. you had sacrificed many things to be with illumi. your friendships, your family, your self-esteem. all of it, now lost because of your selfish love for this man.

with aching arms, you pushed open the heavy gates, panting for breath. your vision was swimming and you felt nauseous, but you pushed on. home was only a few paces away.

a flash of white hair appeared from the corner of your eye. killua had come to greet you.

“you look terrible,” he commented, nose scrunched in disgust, though his eyes reflected pity. “honestly, i dont see what you see in my brother.” he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “you’re better off with someone else.”

you forced a wry smile. the heart, you thought bitterly, is a foolish thing.

with a resounding creak, you swung the weighted doors of the mansion open, eyes squinting in the dimly light hallway. shadows danced across the walls, the flames of the candles their dance partner. your vision swam, sweat pouring down your forehead, the floor spinning under your feet.

“you’re home.” illumi’s voice rang out from the shadows. “report on your mission.”

you felt his cold, calculating eyes scan over you. a pause filling the air. you waited for something more—a hint of concern, a tinge of worry in his tone.

“never mind,” he dismissed, voice devoid of emotion as always, though you could detect a faint hint of impatience. not a hint of worry or pity. “come find me when you have cleaned up.”

with a flick of his long ebony hair over his shoulders, illumi turned on his heel, footsteps echoing down the hallway as he departed, leaving you alone in the vast foyer.

heaving a sigh, you slumped onto the floor, clutching your stomach as you fought back the urge to throw up onto the carpet. the poison multiplied the pounding headache ten-fold, as you collapsed into yourself, but worse still was the ache in your heart—the slow, consuming burn of disappointment, sadness, rejection that not even sleep and rest could fix.

you could work yourself to the bone, bleed yourself dry, rip your heart out and present it to him on a silver platter, but nothing—nothing—could make him turn and look at you with a shred of love in his soulless eyes.

you used to find solace in the quiet moments with illumi, but now they suffocated you, tainted by the thought of him. he draws you like a moth to a flame, companionship morphing into ugly manipulation, eating away at your sanity.

you see his presence everywhere—the flickering lights, the air that thickens around you. each encounter tightens the noose around your neck, your laughter turning hollow, joy a distant memory.

days blur into nights, sleep slipping through your fingers like sand. and yet, you find yourself in his room, conversing with the devil who kept you awake, every revelation another thread unravelled, each response from illumi twisting your words, feeding on your vulnerabilities.

you’ve lost sight of who you are, now merely a dried out husk. the noose is tightening, choking you with illumi’s influence, whispering your name, sending chills down your back.

you find yourself losing, fading, in this dance of control, voluntarily following illumi as he manipulated you, trapped in a nightmare disguised as a dream, as illumi watched your life slip away, numbness enveloping you in its cold embrace.

taglist (open): @yeonjunsfox, @nfekwefdskldm

∧,,,∧ ( ̳• · • ̳)  © curated with love by milkbobayun 2024 / づ ♡

[mayxo-hxh]

As autistic coded as Illumi is, he is also EXTREMELY Bpd coded. Here's a thread abt why that would be, from a person with bpd. 🧵

Everything about his character screams a person that feels so so much but forcefully tones his feelings down so hard to the point where they seem nonexistent.

On the exterior he seems like he couldn't care less about most things and is a very calm and controlled person. However, his emotions shine the brightest when the topic of interest is a person he cares about.

This is ESPECIALLY shown in the election arc where he reveals much of his emotions to the audience. He gets two whole bloodlust scenes this arc.

One with extreme anger

and one with extreme joy.

When Hisoka provoked him, it took absolutely zero transition for him to immediately spike his bloodlust and aura to GREAT amounts to the point of engulfing the entire MOUNTAIN and reaching Killua from SO far away.

And in the same exact second it happened, it ended just as quickly the moment he noticed Killua running away. That is a CLASSIC negative mood swing example if I've ever seen one. One extreme emotion in one second, gone in the other.

On the other hand, his second bloodlust had a small transition, one that still did not give you the expectation of what truly came after.

He is seen watching Killua on his phone and the moment Nanika healed gon, showing Killua can use her on command with no consequences and also showing her immense power, he was absolutely overjoyed. So much in fact that he exploded in maniac laughter and aura a second after merely giving it a small laugh.

We get a hint at his bloodlust incoming in that moment, but NEVER predict just how MUCH would actually come out. Classic euphoric mood swing number two.

When he encountera Killua with Hisoka in the background at the end, he is pretty much shown going through the five stages of grief in mere minutes the moment his own butlers turn on him and allow Nanika to come out.

denial, anger, depression...

bargaining.......

and finally, acceptance. acceptance that he was going to be traded by killua not only for a friend, but for the rest of the family's lives.

He was so very clearly unhappy about it at the beginning, yet came to acceptance in mere seconds the moment nanika came out. He bargained with himself, Killua shouldnt be able to wish twice, then accepted. even if he could, thats okay. go ahead, kill me!

and then theres also the way he just switches from a very :DDD to >:| mood in like one panel short hello he is so coded

Even more; Usually bpd is either caused through trauma or inherited. and you can definitely argue that illumi went through enough "training" for the former but. is his behavior not. familiar to yall. not at all???? im just saying......... I know someone else in the zoldyck family that has intense mood swings!

if there is one person in the family that shows their unfiltered emotions and switches from being calm to screaming in distress in a single second, its going to be this woman. she gave birth to a son thats a literal copy of her. she ctrl c'd and ctrl v'd.

and i dont exactly know what this next one has to do with the thread but why was bro normal for one second then turned into this i mean im not complaining hes still hot and ill claim him as my bpd son regardless

anyways yes this was the thread have fun with this interpretation slash analysis however u like 👍

[rotten-pomegranate]

Day twenty three : punishment with yandere illumi

Tags: @aliceattheart @my-eyelash-flew-off

Warnings: whipping, punching, hair pulling, blowjob, no prep

/|\^._.^/|\ /|\^._.^/|\ /|\^._.^/|\ /|\^._.^/|\ /|\^._.^/|\ /|\^._.^/|\

This was hell, your sure off it, not only can you not see you could barley catch your breath in between lashings

All you did was look out the window in what illumi described as to longingly

You hear a sound and can only assume it’s him tossing the whip down in favour of something else

His normally silent footsteps get closer, he must be doing it on purpose

“I’m going to punch you twice in the stomach and I’m expecting you to count”

“W-wait- illumi please n-“ he cuts you off with a sharp blow right in the center of your abdomen that has you doubling over as much as your restraints allow

Your still trying to curl in on yourself when he speaks again “well, count”

“Ahh, one” at least he’s not making you start over

“Good, one more” this one comes quicker you couldn’t get a word out before your poor belly takes another hit

You scream louder this time and your head goes down, you where gonna pass out, it wouldn’t be the first time

“T-two” it comes out straggled and pained, you don’t even recognize your own voice anymore

He doesn’t say anything simply unhooks the chains holding you up and stands over you while you fall, he makes no attempt to catch you

“Ahh” you crumple into a ball the second your limbs hit the cold cement floor

His hands go to the back of your head to remove the blindfold “follow me” he tossed it somewhere in the room, somewhere you don’t have the energy to care about

He’s going to fast, it was hard to get up after being punched twice by a trained assassin but if you wanted to avoid more pain you’d have to

Bringing yourself to your feet while still clutching your stomach you walk forward with him

He’s walking towards his bedroom, he kept you in your own room when you slept unless he wanted something he’d only allow you to give him, sex

“I-illumi I-“ he cuts you off “if what your saying is a protest don’t waste you breath” you mouth closes immediately

“I’m sorry” it comes out quiet, your almost at the room “not yet, but you will be”

Your eyes dart up, his hair swaying while he walks is all your met with

He stops abruptly to open the door and you almost walk into him, you weren’t far behind

Your anxiety is rising slowly, sex with him is almost always unpleasant, he didn’t ever focus on you, only what he wanted

It’s bound to be worse now that he wasn’t only ignoring your pleasure but actively avoiding it

He opens the door and grabs your wrist to yank you in “ahh” he doesn’t give you time to speak before he’s pulling you across the room and pushing you on the bed

You don’t try and crawl away, it would just upset him

His hands go to your waist to give a hard squeeze

it hurts so bad but you dare don’t move or show any signs of pain

“Spread your legs” all your instincts tell you to close them tighter, you force yourself to open them, wide, just enough for him to fit was never good enough

He stairs at you for a moment and then strips himself of his cloths

His semi hard cock slips out of his underwear and he starts rubbing the tip up and down you pussy while pumping it at the same time

He doesn’t wait for you to be wet before he tries forcing it in, his tip was leaking when he rubbed it over you but it didn’t help much, he was to big and the sting from just his tip hurt to much

He pulls out and reaches over to pull you up by your hair while he kneels on the bed

“Suck” he has you right in front of his erect dick and he’s not waiting for you to lean in before he’s shoving it passed your lips

It nudges against the back of your throat and sets off your gag reflex but he holds you down

“The wetter you make it the less painful it will be for you”

Didn’t he know that it’ll be excruciating for you regardless

Getting pinned down by a man that forced you to marry him and act like you loved him, a man the hurts you when you do something he doesn’t like

It’s gonna hurt even if the pain isn’t physical but he was right, it did make it easier to bare when you had lubricant helping you

You run your tongue along the under side of his cock and your met with twitching before he pulls you off again and shoves you back down on your back

He lines up again and this time pushes in all the way on the first go, the sting far out ways any pleasure but your not surprised that’s what he was going for

“Ahh” he reaches his hand up to hold your mouth shut and your left to heavily breath out of your nose

His cock dragging along your semi wet walls hurt, it felt like your where gonna tear

He was truly evil, hurting you in the most intimate way possible just because you wanted to imagine you where in the garden instead of locked up

Maybe someday he’ll die while on a mission and you’ll be set free, assuming that his family will let you go and not just kill you or worse give you to his younger brother

Yes, maybe someday you’ll be free.

[beingawriteriskillingme]

Nobody's son, Nobody's Daughter {Dabi}

A/n: I absolutely love writing for Touya and lowkey writing this reminded me of my first ever anime crossover ff of Bnha, jjk (don't talk to me I'm still sad) and bsd. YALL DON'T READ THIS IT'S POORLY WRITTEN

Pairing: Dabi/ Touya Todoroki x fem!Zoldyck!reader

Tw: reader is a Zoldyck which means she offs people so... yeah

Genre: angst

Eating lukewarm unpaid noodles at a closed up mini market could be deemed as illegal, though after taking a close look at all the crimes you've committed, this one was the most legal yet.

The mission hadn't been a difficult one but you wholeheartedly preferred having a couple of eyebrows raised on you being late at the mansion to showing up early and having to deal with everyone there.

Being the second child to the infamous Zoldyck family was so much fun. Missions upon missions ever since you completed your 'danger-free' training, being the best assassin amongst your siblings yet constantly being ignored and pushed to the side.... it was fun.

If it weren't for the colour of the flames, you wouldn't even have noticed that the bowl and your noodles were burnt to a crisp.

Blue flames. Such an unusual colour for fire.

"Those were my noodles." You muttered, turning your head on your left to look at the person standing next to you.

"I couldn't care less. Get the fuck out of here unless you want to join your noodles."

You didn't know what it was exactly but you immediately bursted out laughing. "No offence man but... if you weren't holding a cup of noodles yourself and most importantly if you weren't a Todoroki, I would have taken you seriously."

You felt it then. The man's expression remained just as unbothered as before, but something in the atmosphere around you changed.

You watched as he sat at the chair next to you, clearly not in the mood to talk and began poking his noodles with his chopsticks.

"Touya, right?"

"I'm not going to ask how you know all this."

How could you ever forget? Hearing the screaming of a young boy getting burnt... You had wanted to help him. Despite all that hard training, the near emotionless state you were in because of it, you wanted to help him.

But Illumi would always tell you that you needed no friends. You just had to do your job, get paid, and then leave.

You could almost hear his voice now, telling you that friends would get you nowhere.

How could you forget that by the time you returned to the forest, half of it was burnt down and the other half was full of police officers looking for that boy? Yet you couldn't do anything because you couldn't disobey Illumi.

"You're not going to deny it?"

"As if we'll meet again..."

"Right..." You mumbled.

It felt oddly comforting, the fact that he didn't even bother to question anything. You felt a little embarrassed nonetheless. It was a really awkward first meeting.

"A Zoldyck, aren't you?"

"Should I ask how you came to that conclusion?" You settled down again with a new bowl of noodles in front of you.

"You haven't really changed since I last saw you." He stood up to throw his empty cup on the trashcan. "When was it?" He stopped to think. "Oh... that one time when our parents decided to have a get-together..."

Oh, right... yes, that boy back in the forest... Touya... he used to be your friend. Until Illumi found out.

Illumi or his father? You couldn't remember.

"I don't do friends either. Not anymore, so hopefully, when we do get to meet again..." With his back facing you, Dabi turned his head around, enough for you to see blood running down his cheek from his right eye. "We will be too different people with two different families."

A/n: OMG THIS IS SO POORLY WRITTEN I AM NOT EVEN SURPRISED!

[ostentatiouslyonigiri]

Illumi Zoldyck prompt # 41

“Why’re you crying? Aren’t you happy to be with me?”

Clad in your usual attire of washed out bluejeans, worn out sneakers, and an oversized sweater just begging to be put out of its misery, the weather was a bit humid and the sky was overcast. The stickiness of the air clung to your skin like a child would to its mother and served to only support your bed and cover's plea for you to return, and once again, bask in its embrace—but today was special. Your fiancé, Jaren, had just finished his medical thesis on the ethics of healthcare and was going to present it to the campus' esteemed doctors, who would occasionally come to scout out new talent.Jaren wasn't dumb, he was actually quite brilliant; though his predisposition to overanalyze, and thus slow his progress on a project, created the impression of incompetency. In a school as expensive and competitive as his, even the notion of ineptitude was enough to ruin careers and social standings before they even began. Despite his faults, you still loved him all the same. Even if he wasn't the richest or most handsome guy, even if he couldn't provide for you both as much as you would have liked, and even if he was somewhat forgetful of certain dates, you were happy all the same. He was going to ace this, and when he did, he'll come home to a delicious meal!

As you made your way to the store with the money you managed to scrape by, you hummed to yourself a song that refused to leave. You stopped. Your head shifted around and the rhythmic pitter patter of your shoes hitting the pavement came to a halt. Something in the air felt off. The normally populated market center was now a ghost town and you don't like it. Making a mental note not to idle too much, you pushed the uneasy feeling deep into your mind and continued on.

What you saw as you entered the store was something no person should ever see: Slumped against the wall, face contorted in a silent scream, was the body-no corpse- of a man. Where his eyes should be, were needles; multiples of them all crammed into the sockets of the man as his hands were held against the wall with more of said needles. Stumbling back one step, two steps, then four, you grabbed your phone and called the police. Hours later, the once idle shopping center became rife with crowds of people and police; all trying to get their fill of the incident to either report to online sources or simply to curb their morbid curiosity. Police, soon after establishing the crime scene, ushered out what was left of said crowd and continued with their administrations. Of course, after questioning, you too joined those escorted out of the store...But as you left with the crowd, you felt the piercing stare of an unnerving and unappreciated presence. Your movements slowed and time seemed to yield, as if acknowledging as well the unsettling

cautiousness of the situation. Shifting from person to person, your brain searched desperately to pin the disquieting feeling being forced onto you as your eyes scanned the crowd.

Black hair; traces of long,silky,locks added with the impassive,yet obsessive, stare of the pale spectre only served to further disturb you. Observing the stranger, you couldn't help but to notice the odd beauty he possessed. His face was perfectly sculpted and was reminiscent to that of a porcelain doll, and his large coal black eyes- though creepy- only added to his hauntingly good looks.How long had you been staring at him? Bringing your mind back to the present, you quickly oriented yourself with the crowd of people and like that, the stranger was gone. 'How curious…', you thought to yourself.

It had all happened so fast; the days that later turned into months following your meeting with the beautiful stranger yielded some interesting results. For one, the rent that seemed to only continue being pushed back with the hope of being satisfied when things got better, were suddenly paid for.That annoying neighbor that insisted that we were too loud, suddenly found us to be less annoying and became sparse. You even mysteriously found that particular brand of perfume you've always wanted was right at your doorstep, ready to be used.As these kind gestures from the universe seemed to throw itself at you,your fiancé you joked about the source of it all. Maybe a fellow student at his university was silently acknowledging his hard work and contributions to his study, or maybe, you joked, it was a ghostly secret admirer showing his appreciation through great generosity. You found the idea funny, as someone as average as you would never gain such attention like that. Even though you found the idea amusing, your darling certainly didn't.He believed that this was dangerous and would come to bite them later. In all of these suggestions, never once did you assume that it could be the doing of the beautiful man you saw all those months ago. As the presents grew, so too did a lingering presence similar to the beautiful stranger's, follow suit. Could it be him? Whatever this was, it was a somewhat welcome extra help; well at least, it was, anyway.

While Lady Luck seemed to be smiling down on you in particular, she did not grant Jaren the same courtesy. On one occasion, Jaren found that his keys and other items were missing. Perhaps he misplaced them? You remember that night he had a seminar to attend and taking the bus was not viable. You tried your best to calm him down; you assured him that they would appear eventually, and that he could use what little money you got from your measly cashier job to send him on his way with a taxi.When he came home, he had stabbed his foot on a needle. On another occasion, the thesis paper he had painstakingly written and rewritten, to perfection, had been deleted right before a big presentation.You didn't know how it happened, as it had multiple backups, but this did not bode well for him,his reputation, or the grant money that you both came to rely on to make ends meet. Slowly, but surely, this situation became less and less amusing, and more and more stressful on your relationship. As the days dragged on and as the gifts increased, disaster struck.It's funny really how easily things came apart once he received a letter of expulsion for his supposed plagiarization of other more reputable studies. It was swift and brutal.

Suddenly, you went from living as comfortably as you and your love possibly could in your humble apartment, to relying on this secret admirer's kindly donations to keep you from being homeless. Though you tried to stay positive for the both of you, it was not enough. "I've had it with this stalker! My life is ruined, (Y/n)". Through gentle touches and caressing affection, you tried to assure him that perhaps this was all just a mistake on the school's part, and that all would get better; that was a bad move. " Don't you get it? It's done! I will never become a surgeon-I'll never be able to support you. Support us. What kind of man am I, that even this creep can be a better provider for you than me ?", He exclaimed. As he sat on the floor and sobbed into your arms, you felt the many hands and claws of agony grab onto your heart and pull. The intense gaze that seemed to surround you at almost every given day only intensified as the man in your arms gradually broke down. Was it enjoying it? It had to be, because if he even seemed to be doing well in the slightest, it's aura changed to a sickly one. As you came home from a particularly long day of work, Jaren was nowhere to be seen. At first, you believed that maybe he went to go blow off some steam with some of the few schoolmates that stayed by his side, but when you called them, they hadn't even seen him since the day he was expelled. You tried calling his mom; no response. It was as if he had disappeared off the face of the Earth.

This was all so long ago. As Mother Nature looked down upon the night sky and decorated it with flashes of light and sounds of thunder. The rain hitting the window with little thumps against the glass only served to ground you to your unpleasant reality. Today was the day you would give yourself to your secret admirer; or as you've now come to know him as Illumi. You knew that at some point in your newly established marriage that this would be an inevitability, but funnily time had a way of sneaking up on you while simultaneously giving the illusion of having plenty of it.

There you stood in the mirror, clad with the expensive lingerie that your dear husband's mother had ever so lovingly picked out for you. It hugged your curves with an embrace that could only be rivaled by him. It was a shame that said person had to be the one to see it and not your beloved from so long ago…

"You've been taking a long time". You jumped at the sudden introduction of Illumi. He often did this, wholey unconcerned about how awkward it made interactions with him become, or how you would wince when he went to touch you. This was way different then how Jaren would approach you. "I thought I told you to wait on the bed until I get back...Did I not make myself clear?". Just like every interaction with Illumi, this was rhetorical; an order that was phrased as something open to response on your part, but was merely his way of pushing you to bend to his desires. Not wanting to add to the scars from punishments given to you when you did not heed the danger in his voice, you affected a smile, and confirmed that he indeed stated that. He never was one to accept excuses.

Seeing the discomfort in the way you shyly shifted away from him as he snaked his arms around your waist, his normally impassive face shifting into a frown.

"( Y/n), do I not do a good job providing for you?". As you struggled to beat down the lump in your throat, Illumi's slender hands cupped your breasts, giving special attention to your nipples. Tensing ever so slightly, you prepared for another generic answer, but before you could, he spoke again: "Tell me, when you were with that good for nothing, did my gifts not satisfy you when he couldn't?".Tears pricked the sides of your eyes as you willed yourself to hold your tongue. Yet again, right when you were preparing to give yet another generic answer, his hand slid down from your breast and gently began rubbing circles around your now budding nub. His long silky hair and cool breath tickled your neck. You didn't want to admit it, but sometimes the gentleness of his touch was enough to make you want to give in to him, even if he was clearly in the wrong.

Though you didn't give a verbal answer, he seemed satisfied with the answer your body gave. Taking your silence as permission, he caged your body in his and led you to the bed. It was at this moment that the tears you had been holding back broke, and you found yourself to be only a mess of sobs and gasps. Towering above you as his hair became walls of ink , blocking out any and everything except his impassive gaze, he stood there as uncaring as ever and watched you unravel before him. Somewhat visibly annoyed, he wipes the tears falling down the sides of your face in a facsimile of fondness. " Why are you crying? Aren't you happy to be with me?".

Just as you'd done before, you gave in and did as he wanted. You gave him another set of words that would satisfy his need for control; "Yes, of course I'm happy to be with you".

After all, he was your husband and you were his cute, obedient, little wife.

[rosazoldyckk]

-Yandere Illumi Zoldyck X Reader-

⚠️warning⚠️ mentions of kidnapping, obsessive behaviour and loss of limbs near the end.

Fandom: Hunter X Hunter. Characters: Illumi Zoldyck

A/N: I’m sorry for any grammar mistakes, I didn’t have any time to proofread any of this. But I hope it is good and worth the read anyways♡︎♡︎♡︎

1539 words

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Only when you finally ran out of adrenaline did you notice the freezing cold of the night against your skin. For the longest time, you hadn't felt even a soft breeze ruffling through your now scruffy hair. But now, paired with the sound of leaves rustling in the midnight wind, you were engulfed by all these normal-strange sensations you had missed out on for so long.

Even though your feet hurt from all the running, and your lungs couldn't get enough of the air all around you, you felt so alive and happy, you were barely able to contain yourself from screaming in joy. Leaning against the brick wall, you decided to take a small rest in the alleyway, having come far already. How long have you been running for? Probably a bit more than hour, straight down a mountain and left and right and uphill and behind buildings. You'd have put rabbits to shame with how you sidestepped just to escape.

But…what now?

Many would call you sick in the head. That you'd run from a man that loved you so much wouldn't be taken positively by any thick-headed person around you. You couldn't go home, or to your parents, after all, if you were him, that's where you'd look first. Police? But what would you tell them? That you were kidnapped locked away for months by some psychopathic assassin? Illumi had told you more than once that it was utterly pointless to go anywhere - especially without him - after all, he made sure that no one would believe the terrible things you wanted to tell them. Everyone was under the assumption you were doing splendidly with your new boyfriend - a crazy assassin boyfriend who you didn't even know existed.

You had been seen with the assasin so many times around York new city that people liked to assume that what you had was a somewhat normal ‘Zoldyck’ relationship. They didn't know that he kept forcing himself into your personal space, that you didn't want to go anywhere with him anymore after he monopolized and clung to you for the better part of weeks. Eventually doing so much as to brutally murder anyone who even looked in your Direction, using the excuse that they were going to kill you and that you simply weren’t safe without him. Everybody knew that he was a Zoldyck and most definitely a man who lived up to his name, so there was very little that anyone could do to help. One could assume that after all he's done in the past and went through with all the Zoldyck training, his brain took a big hit, his arrogance and confidence only feeding into his egotistical views. But that he'd kidnap the person he claimed to adore, kept them holed up, and did things you didn't want to think about anymore that's not something anyone would accept easily.

In fact, if you two were ever again confronted with each other, he might blame you for giving him all these surreal emotions that made him lust for you so dearly! No... You decided then and there that you didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore. You just wanted to go somewhere he couldn't find you. Somewhere you'd be safe and could start over without drawing any attention. Calm and peaceful, but most importantly, alone and safe.

At least, that was the plan, but biting the tip of your thumb, you realized you were still stuck in the middle of the city, with no money, no phone, and nowhere to go for help or safety. Perhaps if you visited the bank and asked for money from your account personally, they'd be able to provide you with some, but it was already late, and you doubted there was any bank near you that had a late-night clerk waiting for customers. You didn't like to settle somewhere outside for the night. You wanted to be gone as fast as possible, but what were you supposed to do? Clothed in just an oversized shirt and short shorts, you sunk to your bottom, pulling in your legs. At least, hidden behind some dumpsters in between buildings, no one would find you, simply assuming that you were a sleeping beggar.

This was still far more nicer than being with him.

Nicer than sleeping in his suffocating hold while he whispered his seemingly endless confession in your ear, your body bruised and fragile from his deathly touches.

Sleeping in some dirty alleyway was paradise compared to it.

🝮🝮🝮

"Ah, look at you," Illumi hummed as he stepped into the alleyway. Even though you had been dozing, immediately, your eyes snapped wide open, and you took on the stance of someone about to jump up and run again. However, your eyes could only fixate on his legs, standing right in front of you and blocking your way out. Even if you thought it was safest to hide, you didn't calculate the risk of getting found. "Oh dear, you must be freezing."

There was mockery in his kind words, but illumi was quick to strip off his Jacket and squat down, laying the fabric around your shoulder. Everything about him - the beady co eyes, the smell of his cologne, the rough tug he made as he adjusted the jacket over your shivering shoulders - made you want to vomit. Pictures of things he had done and things he was able to do to you popped into your mind while you sat there utterly frozen, trying desperately to come up with an escape plan.

"H-how did you...?" you mumbled, questioning yourself more than her. "What kind of a husband would I be if I could even find you? I missed you. Were you scared I wouldn't come?"

No, you were scared all along that he'd find you.

"B-but why?" you whispered, shoulders slumping. Illumi's lips curled into a pitying smile, one he probably imagined signaled empathy the best. But really, was there even a spark of humanity in this man that would let him feel these kinds of emotions? You doubted it more than anyone in the world. Hands falling from your shoulders to your hips and dragging forward over your thighs to your knees, Illumi took a deep breath, taking in every inch of you appreciatively. Like fine art, a rare sight to see, that's how you must have looked in his eyes.

"I told you I missed you, so I came–"

"No, why are you doing this. Why me? What do you want from me?"

Your voice sounded exhausted more than anything now. Now that you realized illumi had won, you were tired. There was something animalistic in the way he touched you. Possessive, victorious. He was the white lion prowling in a habitat that didn't fit him, and yet, he benefitted from it. However he did it, you knew he wasn't just passing by and found you. If you didn't know it better, you'd say he always knew where you went all along, every second of your escape. But it was inexplicable how, when, and why he knew, and it frightened you even more that he was so much more aware of everything going on around you than you were.

Illumi smiled, hesitating to answer while he thought hard about what to say. "You. I always wanted you. I want you to love me and cherish me. Make the whole world stop for a while without me having to worry that you will disappear from it. I am doing this for you as much as I am doing it for me, don't you understand? Won't you rely on me to do what is best for us?"

"Please…I don't want that," you replied firmly, not even a moment of hesitation on your side. No matter what he said, you couldn't decide if illumi was telling the truth or if he lied. You were sure he was manipulating you, but at the same time, he did it with the face of an angel, hiding much, much more than you'd ever know even if you expected there to be hidden meaning behind it all.

"Oh dear...I see," he sighed, the smile never leaving his glazed lips no matter how he was feeling at the moment. Was he angry? Disappointed? Enraged? You weren't sure if even Illumi himself knew. But you did notice his grip on your legs growing harder as he kept squeezing down on them. "Then I guess I will make you rely on me."

Surely enough, you couldn't keep up your scared-up-stance for much longer as he seemed to force you to the ground. You could feel your expression harden in pain as you gasped, pushing at his shoulders desperately. However, illumi used the moment of your focus shifting to move forward to your face, kissing you in a moment you were stunned by his unexpected actions. "Please my dear, don't hate me too much," he mumbled, almost sounding... remorseful.

"I just think those legs don't do us any good as long as they are attached to you. After all, we both need to make sacrifices."

༺༻༺༻༺༻༺༻༺༻༺༻༺༻༺༻༺༻

[yandere-daydreams]

Daytrip Illumi my beloved... and poor Darling. You capture how unnerving and unsettling he should be so well!

Illumi should be Strange and Uncanny even at his mildest(? not sure if an Illumi in love could be 'mild', but idk if it could be called volatile either. Darling was right, you can't ever tell with him); man was cosplaying Pinhead for a week. He could talk the whole time but just literally rattled at people. And poor Ghost, my stomach just dropped because everything so far was downright too tame and too thoughtful for a Yandere.

Aside from the porn, I was waiting for that drop. Darling really can't have nice things, can't she? Or rather, she can't have anything he's not able to take. Whether a Darling is defiant (Obedience Training, Ingress) or submissive (Daytrip) he's always going to pile on the trauma.

But the moment he started mouthing and groping at her in the car, I knew he was out of patience. Everything else that day was window dressing and foreplay, and the bit where she picks a cute, frilly, puff-sleeved dress really sold the toy and doll comparison later, she was so right at the observation that Illumi took her as a ballerina for his music box. In the end, the daytrip really wasn't for her to enjoy: he ripped up her dream dress, dashed her hope that her cat was doing well without her, and didn't get to eat anything at the picnic aside from the morsel he gave her. Girl couldn't even enjoy the scenery cause he blocked it off with himself. The end was so despondent in comparison to the beginning where she resolves to take any out that presents itself, falling asleep and giving into the dark (Illumi) swallowing her.

And meanwhile, Illumi's just had an epiphany on why his parents kept having kids even after the designated heir Killua. And also patting himself on the back cause he checked off all the boxes on his 'perfect romantic date to-do list', and gotten the *ideal* ending of having finally lost his v-card. 10/10, Great Day. Would do again sometime (but not too soon).

The juxtapostion between her opinion of how the daytrip went and his opinion of how it went must be... something. I almost don't want to know, and I don't know how to properly describe what this made me feel, but it's visceral.

i love it when you people treat my silly little fics like they need to be studied under a microscope,,,, i will be living on this ask for weeks thank you anon <3

illumi just makes me,,, yeah. i feel like there's so little you can do to actually fight against him (running's not an option when he has you under surveillance 24/7, fighting a seasoned hitman won't end well, etc.), but good behavior only makes him more likely to proceed with the awful things he would've done anyway, had you spent every minute from your inevitably kidnapping kicking, screaming, and cursing his name. he's got a running checklist of uncomfortable positions he'd like to see you in, and it's less a question of when you'll be ready for it and more what he'll have to do to make you compliant enough to be, if not a willing participant, than a docile one. i think he does care about your feelings and you loving him back, but your priorities are so drastically different that you two are never actually going to end up on the same page. in his mind, he's done his research (i.e. played roughly a hundred hours of the most popular dating sims he could get his hands on), been a good partner, and taken very good care of his beloved doll/pet/captive. in yours, you've been violated and abused by the man who both kidnapped you and admitted to killing your cat without blinking, and there's very little reconciliation from there.

[manias-wordcount]

Hi! Can I get Edward Elric (Fullmetal Alchemist), Tamaki Suoh (OHSHC), and Illumi Zoldyck with a hypermobile fem s/o with knee problems?

Here’s where the insight comes: now, because of my flexible joints, I can do all sorts of weird things. I can twist my arms like 360 degrees or so (sometimes, I hear the joints popping; it doesn’t hurt most of the time, but I do feel a minor squeeze at worst), I can bend my thumb to my forearm (though it hurts somewhat if I hold it too long, but that goes away quickly; for some reason, my left is more flexible than my right), and I’ve been known to be able to touch my shoulder or even my face with my foot if I stretch it enough. Also, my skin is stretchier than most people’s, and it’s to the point where I can kind of cover my thumb in my hand (and it freaks people out). Also, I can do this thing where I turn my hands inward and my elbows poke out (I legit once had a girl come to me saying, “That’s not normal,” bless her heart. I even do what’s called the W position on a daily basis, which is comfortable to sit in but takes a bit to get up from. Conveniently, it allows me to scratch my own back without a backscratcher or even give myself a massage if I want. On the downside, I have a history of kneecap dislocations (I’ve had a total of 4: 3 times in the left kneecap and once in the right, all on separate occasions and it’s been happening since I was 13). As such, I’m best off with low-impact exercises like swimming or cycling because they’re easier on my joints than, say, soccer. Thankfully, I’ve found things like hot baths and basically being in hot water is very soothing for my joints. Also, I remember I was once recommended mustard paste for my kneecaps but I have yet to test it. I don’t know the exact cause of my hypermobility because I haven’t been diagnosed yet but that’s ok.

Note: I don’t know if you write for Meliodas from Seven Deadly Sins or Snake from Black Butler, but if you do, are you ok with adding them too? If not, would another character of your choice from those fandoms be ok?

Hypermobile S/o with knee problems HCs (Edward Elric, Tamaki Suoh, Illumi Zoldyck, Meliodas, Snake)

𝗔/𝗡: 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗴𝗼 !!!!

𝙒𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚? ⇒ 𝙈𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩

𝙟𝙤𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙘𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙚𝙧?

Edward Elric

Out of everyone?

He’s probably the one who knows the most about hypermobility

Though he was extremely surprised the first time he saw it in action

It’s something he definitely read about when doing all kinds of studies about the human body

And when he was just finding out about hypermobility, he was probably surprised at first about just how much more complex it is

Though now that he’s older, he’s prepared to help with any potential problems that may arise for you

However, he’s still Ed

He’ll be the one to help you to the infirmary when your knee dislocates

But you know he’ll panic and he’ll yell about it first before he gains enough sense to get you the help you need

So at least he isn’t totally useless…he’s just Ed!

Tamaki Suoh

10000% will scream “WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR BODY��� the first time he saw your hypermobility

But don’t worry

A quick dumbed-down explanation (by Haruhi or even Karou) will have Tamaki singing a different tune in a second

In fact, he’d probably start asking if you could do a bunch of tricks

And if you could show it to him too LOL

Out of everyone, it’ll probably be Honey to ask if it ever hurts doing all the things your body is able to do

And the second you mention your knee problems? Oh boy

Tama-chan is going to be all over you

Researching about all the things that could ever go wrong, looking up what he can ever do to help, finding out if there's stuff he can buy you to make things better- the works

But hey! At least he’s supportive!

Illumi Zoldyck

He knows

No need to tell you anything

In fact, knowing him and his family?

It’s entirely possible he knew before YOU did

If you ever do anything to showcase your hypermobility, he won’t comment much on it

He’s just content watching you do your own thing

He will tell you to be careful though

But you don’t have to worry much

The household knows your medical history- all of it

Illumi (and literally anyone on the Zoldyck payroll) are here to assist you if ever the need arises

Meliodas

Genuinely does think it’s cool

But he’ll be super nonchalant about it as he usually is with the weirdest things

Though you know he’ll be bragging about how cool he thinks you are when he gets drunk to the other guys

Of course, it’s probably Gowther that points out how your hypermobility has been the source of a few instances of pain for you

And suddenly it starts to make sense why you’re the first to move far away from a fight

Aside from Hawks after someone gives him a swift kick to belly

And your general avoidance for anything high impact

Naturally, he’s going to start consulting the all-knowing Merlin if there’s anything she can do to help you

And even though it’s disappointing to hear that she currently has nothing in her arsenal, you at least have a very powerful demon now looking out for you in case of a problem!

(…As if you didn’t have that all along LOL)

Snake

As a (former) member of Noah’s Ark circus, you’re not the first person he’s met with hypermobility

Compared to others, finding out about this aspect of your life isn’t so surprising given his upbringing

Though he can’t say he expected it

Something like this isn’t so obvious until it is

Of course, that doesn’t mean he knows anything about it

He’s not the most sociable (or knowledgeable) for that matter

It was through getting close to you and hearing you speak about yourself that he was able to learn about hypermobility and how it affects you in particular

Finding out about your knee problems and your other sources of pain definitely made him a little more protective

Not like he was doing anything that would end up bad for you in the first place but still!

Snake is a good boy at heart! He’ll look out for you <3

[olivyh]

Hi me again 😅, I hope it's ok if I make one more requests. Can we get a ruggie x reader, where the poor boy is sick and to try and cheer him up, reader decides to make him his favorite l,

donuts

And hey, they may not be the prettiest looking donuts he's ever seen, but at least they're the tastiest he's ever eaten.

( yes, they'd be edible, they're not Lilia, I think they know how to cook that much, I'm sorry batdad that it had to be said)

A/N: Welcome back!!! I love writing Ruggie so it's no biggie <<333!! Also Ruggie using really sweet pet names (darlin, sugar, honey) makes me so happy!!! I also got a burst of motivation so hopefully I'll be able to finish up most of these requests <<333

Ruggie swore he had never felt worse.

He knew it had been a problem when he woke up and he felt that his throat was scratchier than usual, no matter how many times he cleared his throat or drank water the discomfort never went away. For a fleeting moment, he'd tried to fool himself into believing that it was the way he'd slept. Maybe the cold night air of the Savannah crept into his throat and dried it out? Maybe he slept with his mouth open? whatever it was, he was determined to not let it ruin his day. He woke up at his usual time- 5:30 am- ignoring the heat that rushed to his head and made his hands shake as his entire body ached as though he'd just run a mile.

Throughout Magshift practice, Leona could tell that he was more distracted than usual- slower, out of breath easier than was normal. He'd been excused from practice early, something that wounded Ruggie's pride as he tried to ignore the jeers of his dormmates as he walked off the field, opting to spend the extra hour finishing up some overdue homework and patching up some of his peers' torn uniforms for some spare cash.

The rest of the day was a blur. After the fever and the aches came the coughing that nearly made him double over, followed by a runny nose that he would wipe out until his nose was raw and bright red against his freckled skin.

He had tried to push it off, going through the rest of his day in a haze as his body progressively shut down more and more, fatigue taking over his senses as he drug his feet to his final class and then to his shift at the Mostro Lounge. Ruggie swore that he could make it through his shift! He would only have to last a few more hours, then close the store and clean up. He would be done by 11 at the latest and then he could go back to his room and get some rest!

"Shark sucker!" Floyd's grating voice wasn't nearly enough to snap Ruggie out of his haze as he gazed over to the eel with bloodshot eyes. The taller man winced and his lower lip jutted out. "Gross."

"What is it, Floyd?" Ruggie was in no mood for jokes or games, his condition only serving to make him more irritable as he rested against the bar, taking a deep inhale as he allowed his eyes to slip closed at the wave of discomfort that ran up his spine at the action.

"You sound like an old man," The mer chuckled. "Are you sure you should be here now?"

"Whaddya mean?"

"You look dead and you sound even worse," Ruggie huffed, filling a tall glass with some water before downing it, wincing at the pain creeping up the back of his throat at the action.

"I don't," As if on cue, his voice broke as he was forced into a coughing fit that had him doubling over. He could barely make out Floyd's chuckles turning into surprise as his vision went black.

"Good morning, baby," He heard when he had finally started stirring. He could vaguely make out the roughness of his blankets and the scent of his lover beside him, followed by a hand cupping his cheek and a wet cloth placed upon his forehead. He groaned and tried to roll over, muscles screaming at the action. "How do you feel?"

"Like-" He cleared his throat and opened his eyes, allowing them to adjust to the soft light of his dorm room. He could hear the crickets chirping outside gleefully as the moonlight shone in through the open window, illuminating his plain room in streaks of silver and stardust. And above him, seemingly glowing as though they were sent from the sky just for him, was his beloved human. He smiled softly as he licked his lips, graciously accepting the glass of chilled water that they passed him, lightly smacking his hands when he tried to hold it himself. "Thanks," He takes a deep breath, relaxing against his pillows and relishing in the feeling of their thumb rubbing along his cheek. "I feel like I've been hit by a truck."

"Dummy-" Their attitude suddenly switched as they pinched his ear lightly, making him let out a soft yelp as his eyes shot open.

"Hey!" He pouted, pushing past the annoyance that rose in his chest at the action. "What happened to calling me 'Baby'?!"

"You get 'Baby' when you're not a dummy!" They sigh and sit back, brushing some of his hair out of his face gently. "If you were sick you could've just told me, you know?"

"I was fine," He muttered under his breath, pulling the blankets up tighter around himself as his body began to quiver with chilled that he couldn't force away.

"Floyd called me saying that you collapsed at work, and then he had to get Jack to carry you back to the dorm," The hyena's face flushed as he covered it with his hands, groaning.

"That's so embarrassing!"

"It could've been avoided if you'd just told someone," HIs lover sighed, sitting back and grabbing something from the desk. "I made you some soup. I used to eat it back at home when I was sick, so I figured it would help."

Ruggie chuckled. "Alien recipe?"

They rolled their eyes at his reaction. "Alien recipe, now open up."

Despite the way his stomach twisted at the thought of eating anything, he knew he had to get something in his stomach today. He'd had a light breakfast, and barely any lunch due to his illness, and his stomach was growling for anything but... it made him feel sick to his stomach to eat anything at the moment.

He opened his mouth hesitantly, allowing them to slip the warm spoon past his chapped lips as the flavors of vegetables and warm broth flooded his mouth; not strong enough to make him even sicker, but not bland enough to taste like warm water. As he swallowed, the warmth seemed to dull the chills ever so slightly, allowing him to relax more into his mattress.

"Thank you, Darlin'," He mumbles. "Really."

"Is it that good?" They hum. Ruggie's ear twitched as he heard more shuffling. He turned his head to see them hunched over in their chair, bag in hand as they wrangled something out of it. A sweet scent wafted through the air- one of vanilla and powdered sugar- and he hummed, heart racing in anticipation. "Here's another surprise."

He smiled warmly and reached up, cupping their face with his own calloused hand and giving their cheek a soft pat.

"But-" He groans softly, biting back a teasing smile. "You only get them if you promise to tell me next time something is wrong!"

"I promise!" Ruggie pouts, trying to make his eyes as wide as possible to deceive the human. "I'll be good!"

"Good," They hand over the bag as the boy reaches in, pulling out a small, round donut. The top was decorated in yellow and black stripes with small, messy paw print sprinkled scattered on the top. He peeked into the bag to see another four or five- some decorated fully, others sprinkled with powdered sugar, there were even two that were leaking jam out of the side and seeping through the bag, making his fingers sticky.

He took a bite into the first one he'd picked up, savoring the burst of sweetness as it made it's home in his mouth and settled within his raw throat as he swallowed. He tried to decipher the flavors within- almond, definitely. Lemon maybe? He could have sworn that he could also taste the familiar saccharine hints of honey within it as well. He hummed blissfully, taking another large bite and chewing slowly. They weren't the most beautiful donuts, no, but the love within them made up for it a thousand times over, rivaling even the most well-known baker in the world and making the flavors burst.

If Ruggie were in his normal condition, he was sure that he would burst into happy tears at the warmth that spread through his chest and sent butterflies to his stomach. His head felt as though it were spinning with the sweetness of the donuts and the person he loved sitting beside him. He wasn't sure if it was the fever or his bashfulness that lit his cheeks aflame as his ears flattened against his head.

He swore that the moment he got better he would pamper them just as much as they had to him, and ten times more. He would hold them and pepper their face with soft butterfly kisses and cook them a nice, warm meal that they could eat by Ramshackle's fireplace, just the two of them beneath a thick blanket and giggling quietly amongst the silence of the night.

"You spoil me too much, Hon," He chuckles. "I would give ya a kiss, but..."

"I won't get sick," They say suddenly, leaning closer in their chair and resting their arm beside his face, running a hand through his hair as he leaned into their touch despite the protests of his weary mind.

"Nah," He mutters, allowing his eyes to fall closed. "Beastmen are stronger than humans. If it knocked me out, it'll make you even worse..."

"I'll risk it for you," Ruggie chuckled, attempting to hide the way the phrase made his heart race in his chest, and tried to raise his head enough to press his dry lips to his lover's own soft ones, basking in their warmth before drifting off to sleep once more.

[masochist-marmot]

Killua Zoldyck deserves better

I have been watching Hunter x Hunter (2011) alongside the wonderful Media Club Plus podcast (that's 95 episodes and no more, so you can expect spoilers but beyond that point I'm in the dark), and I have thoughts I need to scream into the void.

TW: references to child abuse and canon-typical violence

Killua is the best little murder boi and he deserves so much better. I want to adopt him and show him that he deserves love that isn't dependent on how well he can shut everyone out emotionally (and rip people's hearts out, I guess). The show does such a good job demonstrating how an abusive home will leave its marks on you and undermine everything you do and every relationship you try to have after leaving. As someone who grew up in an emotionally abusive household, I recognise the overwhelming and disproportionate fear response you get when faced with conflict. The inability to defend yourself and even the ones you love is very real, even if I've never been put in mortal danger at the hands of a cat boy. Yet. A girl can dream.

Getting Illumi's pin out could have felt like a cheap cop-out if we hadn't seen Killua struggling with the effects for several arcs and then gruesomely reaching into his own head to remove the physical manifestation of (and allegory for) the trauma response. The fact that he didn't even notice the pin before that moment is also fitting, since you usually become blind to the origin of what your body and mind determines as an incredibly vital survival reflex. Recognising and dealing with it is hard, and it's gruelling, and it usually takes years of therapy and and environment that doesn't require you to uphold your maladaptive reactions. Since this is shounen, we can't have Killua undergo years of therapy to recover, so this emotional character moment was super effective at making me tear up and cheer. It was satisfying. In a true shounen fashion, the power of Killua's love for his best friend has prevailed over his family-induced trauma.

Speaking of best friends, and this may be controversial:

Killua deserves so much better than Gon. Killua is so single-mindedly loyal and devoted to this oblivious boy who takes him for granted at every turn. I choose to read this relationship through a queer lens (Killua is in love with his best friend who barely even thinks about him), but it's not necessary for my point to stand.

So, obviously the friendship is not completely one-sided. Gon quite literally walked into Killua's assassin mountain home to drag him away from his abusive family. (An interesting side point: Killua chose to subject himself to the family's punishment, even though he could have walked away at any point. He had been programmed to believe he deserved it, which is very common in abuse victims.) Killua feels like Gon is the first person who valued him outside of his family, since he hasn't been allowed to make friends. Of course he's going to devote himself mindlessly to him. This is also quite common in abuse victims: you latch yourself onto whoever shows you kindness, because you fear that no one else will ever love you if they leave.

Meanwhile, Gon is completely absorbed with his own goal of finding his dad (who would deserve a rant of his own) and generally doing whatever he finds fun or interesting. He expects Killua to follow him but also seems entirely fine with the idea of parting ways. The fact that he's so blind to Killua's unhealthy devotion to him means that he will keep putting Killua into danger and uncomfortable situations (you know, since he says he's fine with it) without any regard for _why_ Killua is fine with it. I'm pretty sure Killua would be willing to die for his "best friend", and if he does, I swear I'm done with the show. This friendship is not balanced. It's not even codependent, since only one party is dependent on the other.

Now, I'm well aware that these are literal children (and moreover, literal shounen characters) whose emotional and character development is not done. I also love both characters dearly and their relationship makes for some good television. But I stand by my thesis statement: Killua Zoldyck deserves better.

PS. Go listen to Media Club Plus, they're great at delving into themes and characters.

[lubelzoldyck-artworks]

📍📍📍NEEDLE DAY📍📍📍

Full artwork and ramblings under the cut 🌸

[pov you are Hisoka and it's Illumi's birthday]

HELLO HELLO, I just finished this piece in honor of the Illumi Day, aka 11/11, a very popular headcanon birth date for Illumi 🌸 Illumi Day was a suggestion from the amazing @bungeepuppet and I am happy to contribute to this tiny event! Even if I am late, but uh, I suppose it became usual from me 🥲 I could have finished it earlier, but a close friend was celebrating his own birthday and I couldn't just be an ass and tell him Well sorry dude but I have this fanart that isn't even a commission to finish 😶

I drew the sketch for this fanart in september, when I noticed my headcanon birthday for Illumi (9/9). I was pretty sad to have missed it, and motivation to actually draw has been rather scarce since a few months. I wished to finish though, but I couldn't. But then I heard about the 11/11 heacanon, which I think is a brilliant idea, and I simply knew it was the perfect occasion to finish this piece!

I wanted to draw something among the lines of Hisoka gifting him something for his birthday. Since I wanted to draw Illumi in lingerie (again), I ended up drawing him in a lingerie and harness ensemble. I thought it funny for said harness to be pink because it's kind of Hisoka's color and, well, it might ce off a but weird to gift someone something /you/ like (but it sounds in character for Hisoka to do something like that 😂). But Illumi loves it. Maybe he just really loves harnesses. Maybe wearing it gives him the feeling of having Hisoka close to him. He would never admit it though.

I don't think Illumi cares about birthdays, even less if it's his own. When he was very young Silva and Kikyo probably offered him stuff but he was taught soon enough to stop caring about stuff that are simply futile and unimportant in an assassin's life. But maybe he might just start to do little celebrations again, thanks to Hisoka, the worst person ever but maybe the best thing that ever happened to him. 🥺

That Hisoka plushie thing has been made by Illumi and it's just a silly little idea of mine. Hisoka probably sweats nervously noticing it and the several needles planted in a very specific location... probably wondered for a second if Illumi cursed him or something, but, nah. Illumi's ability don't work that way and we all know the clown is just a horny mess 👁👁

Oh also uh I wanted to save a textless version but I forgor,,,

Might just do a continuation to this scene one day. 👀

If you appreciate my work please contribute to my visibility by reblogging this post 🌸 likes and reactions are also very appreciated ✨️

I am open for commissions 💕

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[Written transcription:

Illumi: I still think birthday celebrations are pointless... But your gift is acceptable. You better make me scream.

(He actually Loves that gift.)

Hisoka: Oooh Illumi... Is that a threat? ♡

"Harness gifted by Hisoka" arrow pointed at Illumi]

[windsweptinred]

I would like to get to know you better!

Thank you for the tag @marvagon coyly accepts that Desunity kiss 😚💖💖💖

1. 3 ships I really like right now: Just three? 🥺... I'll pull them from Sandman as it's the fandom I'm most active in here on tumblr. If I was pulling from all my fandom pairings I'd be here all day trying to narrow it down. 🙈

Corinthiel (The Corinthian x Daniel) They're my sun, moon and stars, always on my mind. The very peak of mount feralfan. My boys. 🤍💛

Desunity (Desire of the Endless x Unity Kinkaid) My darlings. My beloveds. I fell in love with this ship from the moment I first saw it and have been utterly devoted ever since.

Last ship.... Ooooo so torn. It's going to have to be ConstantDeath by a teeny tiny percentage. Joanne Constantine x Death of the Endless. I loved this ship so damn much when it was first suggested. But then it seemed to dissappear into the mists of time. Femslash weekend has brought it back in abundance though and I am screaming with joy.

Honourable mentions to the tender box of chocolates that is Callienne and Dreamling will always be my first sandman ship. You never forget your first. There's something about RoseGault I find intriguing too. Oh and must never forget Despoe!

2. First ever ship: Daiken/Kensuke.. Daisuke Motomiya and Ken Ichijouji from Digimon season 2. My OG sunbeam and soggy raincloud. I'll still wander back from time to time a read a fanfic or two.

3. Last song: Bushes of Love by Bad Lip Reading.... 'We've all got a chicken, duck, woman thing waiting for us.' Wise words I live by. 😎

4. Last movie: Werewolf by Night. I'll admit I'm suffering immensely from Superhero fatigue. But I adore Marvel's ventures into the supernatural. Werewolf by Night has become a staple halloween film for me. And I have rewatched Moonknight soooooo many times.

5. Currently reading: I think I've done an ask about what book I'm reading fairly recently. So instead, I'm on Adult fanfiction.net...remember that? Revisiting some of my favorite Book Sherlock Holmes x John Watson fanfics that never made the journey across to AO3.

6. Currently watching: The Fall of the House of Usher. It's not October for me without a Mike Flanagan series. And I'm giving True Detective a try. Gritty southern gothic x lovecraftian vibes.. It's perfection!

7. Currently eating: A vanilla custard slice... Tasty, indulgent and infamous for reducing grown ass adults to toddler levels of eating. 😆 It is not possible to consume these things genteelly. All part of their charm.

8. Currently craving: That feel of winter in the night, that slight smell of ice in the air. You know we've offically entered the dark half of the year then. We're truly in Autumn.

Tag nine people: (or so, no pressure!) @bobbole @rriavian @illumi-nati-png @jazzy-a @melrocks21 @bazzybelle @tickldpnk8 @mashumaru and @ibrithir-was-here