#would I be able to wait until then?
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youchangedmedestiel · 11 months ago
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I wrote a Destiel ficlet for New Year's Eve. I scheduled it to be posted at midnight in my country (France). I'm so excited for you to read it.
I like what I did, and this doesn't happen very often. I'm enjoying the feeling. I can't wait for it to be posted and I hope you'll like it 😁
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WAIT, wait! I'm trying to stay chill and patient...
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share-the-damn-bed · 13 days ago
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(potential) JANCY PARALLELS | guilt and grief
✨ requested by anonymous based on this tweet "I wonder what this will mean for Jonathan and Nancy as a couple, it has so much potential. Will Nancy understand where Jonathan's fears about leaving his family come from? Will Jonathan see Nancy blame herself and realize that he's not responsible for Will being kidnapped just like Nancy isn't to blame for what Vecna did to her family?"
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iooiu · 2 years ago
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the ginger ever and her trashcan best friend
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skin-slave · 1 year ago
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I wanna say something and all I ask is that you read the whole thing before burning me at the stake.
There are always horrible things happening. There are always ppl who are suffering and dying. There are always corrupt politicians. There are always human rights violations. There are always tragedies. There is always misinformation and exploitation. War is always looming on the horizon or busting in the back gate. The world is always fucked up.
That fact does not mean that the lives affected matter any less than our own. It does not mean that we don't do what we can to help. It does mean that we cannot afford to put our lives on hold while a horrible thing consumes us.
I'm sure that, if your parent/sibling/partner/best friend had a medical emergency, you would gladly do whatever you needed to do to be there. I'm sure that you would sacrifice sleep, skip meals, call in to work, and be by their side until they were stable. You can afford to do that when those emergencies are infrequent and relatively brief.
You cannot do that with the world's emergencies. They are not infrequent. They are not relatively brief. You have to sleep, eat and shower. You have to pay your bills. You have to survive.
Daily life goes on.
It feels unjust. Of course it does. How can you possibly go about the mundane like nothing's going on? You Don't. You go about the mundane like there are horrible things happening. You make the adjustments you can sustain without sacrificing your well-being. You make drastic changes for as long as you can, when you simply can't take it anymore, and then you step back, take a breath, and go grocery shopping. You have to. If you don't, you won't survive the horrible thing.
No one who is going thru a horrible thing wants you to self-destruct. There's so much good you can do over the course of your life if you maintain that life. Adding your name to the list of casualties will prevent all of that good from happening. You have to survive.
And that includes the things that seem optional, bc those things aren't actually optional at all. You need to laugh. You need to watch movies and love your pets and go for walks. You need food that tastes good and clothes that make you feel confident. You need that show you'll regret not seeing. You need to get takeout and take naps. You need to have the weight lifted frequently, so you can heal the parts of you that get worn.
If you aren't living as well as you can, while making adjustments you can afford to make, you will not survive.
Please survive.
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saltpepperbeard · 11 months ago
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so i was complaining talking to my dad about the suffering that is the renewal void, and he agreed that it would be a bit nonsensical for max to-
push physical merch on their site
create a bunch of custom icons for users on their site
put so much effort into marketing s2, to the point of putting spots on tv, hanging up gigantic billboards, and spreading teasers all across social media
-if they had no intention to see the show all the way through.
which was ✨validating✨ coming from an outside party, because it's something i've been thinking this whole time. now, granted, i don't trust streaming services, and stranger things have happened, buuuuut idk. it really seems like there's a part of them that realizes ofmd is a large, important property to them, but we shall seeeeeee,,,
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jtl-fics · 2 years ago
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Fluent Freshman - Part 07
PREVIOUS
The thing about Nicky knowing that FF knows Russian and therefore understands every single excruciatingly sweet, ear-reddingly spicy, or shockingly mundane thing that Andrew and Neil say to one another is that he is objectively the 3rd worst person to know this secret.
First place is, of course, Andrew Minyard the man who has now asked him about his family 3 times in the last week and a half. FF doesn’t really care if Andrew goes after the majority of his ��family’ since it’s just his step brothers and step dad but Andrew might go after his Grandma too so he just says “We don’t talk” every time it comes up and deletes his entire chat history with his grandma that way Andrew won’t know how close they are. If that means that Andrew thinks that no one would look for him if he happened to disappear into a shallow grave FF doesn’t know. He’s already doomed so the least he can do is save his gran.
Second place is, of course, Captain Neil. Captain has mentioned quite a few times that a lot of people stay with friends or people they’re close with over Thanksgiving break. It’s meaner than Captain Neil usually would be off of the Court reminding FF that he has friends but none close enough who would want to spend a holiday with him. He plans to go see his Gran for Thanksgiving and she plans to feed him a truly ridiculous amount of food. It’s the same plan he’s had pretty much every year since he was 13.
Third place is Nicky Hemmick. Nicky is a very nice guy who got him a paperboy to hyperventilate into a couple times and would absolutely never intentionally OUT somebody and compromise their safety! Nicky’s talked with FF about some of his background so FF has full confidence that it’s never going to be something that Nicky intentionally outs to anyone. But there are two main reasons why Nicky is the third worst person to find out about this secret.
The first reason is that Nicky Hemmick just unabashedly loves gossip. FF has heard that with the graduation of the girls the previous year had gone Allison Reynolds who had multiple running bets on multiple teammates and a whole cache of gossip. Now Nicky has access to the ultimate accidental gossip magnet in the man who no one notices, who knows any language the Foxes speak and is too awkward to get up and leave when they start talking.
Nicky will never tell another soul his secret but he also HAS to know what Neil and Andrew are saying to one another and when Nicky lies to cover for him the charge is one free conversation translation.
He’s absolutely hooked on getting translations the since the first time he had asked what Andrew and Neil are hissing at one another one morning practice.
FF translated it awkwardly feeling like a creep and like he’s invading their privacy but Nicky had helped him eat the four slavic letter flashcards he had made up to help a friend study the language when Captain Neil and Andrew had come back early from a weekend alone in Columbia.
Nicky had even assured him afterwards that the ink was probably non-toxic and given him floss so he could get the flashcard wedged between his molars out.
So….
“Andrew’s mad that Captain Neil skipped breakfast because they’re working to make him eat something for every meal. Captain Neil’s mad because Andrew’s the one that kept him in bed so long that he didn’t have time to make anything.”
Nicky squeals in delight
The second reason, which is just compounded by the first, is the fact that Nicky had promised not to tell another Soul. However Nicky Hemmick, the romantic that he is, believes that he and his Fiancé Erik share one soul since they are soulmates. Therefore Nicky Hemmic had barely even registered FF’s tears of gratitude before he was calling Erik to tell him about FF.
The sheer number of close calls that have happened because Nicky HAS to tell Erik about something Andrew and Neil said to one another or something someone else is saying is the reason FF started getting ulcers.
Watching Nicky talk to Erik about him knowing Russian is like watching a member of the three stooges walk through a construction site blindfolded. FF nearly kills himself stopping Nicky from outing him numerous times and at the end Nicky’s smiling, unscathed and unaware of the sheer number of close calls he had sauntered through.
FF can’t wait to go home and bury his face in his grandma’s lap, stress eat two apple pies, and tell her about how he thinks he might just become an electrician or a plumber or an underwater welder because one of his language professors wants him to come and speak to a lower level class (a gen-ed with over a hundred people in it) about the usefulness of LATIN for all their majors since they can parse the meaning via root word and he had panicked and said ’Sure’.
***
The thing about being the only person on the team that knows that FF speaks Russian and is riddled with social anxiety is that it’s absolutely hilarious most of the time.
Every once in a while he has to step in to help the guy.
So sometimes he’ll eat flashcards. Sometimes he’ll distract his cousin with a salacious comment so FF can escape a dangerous conversation with his drunk friend. Sometimes he pushes FF to go talk to Abby about his tummy troubles. Sometimes he’ll hand over one of the brown paper bags he keeps in his backpack nowadays so FF can wheeze into it and sometimes he’ll assure his cousin that FF’s passing out after he offered to teach him how to use a knife was probably because of his stomach ulcers not because FF is terrified of Andrew stabbing him.
Nicky is the only member of the Foxes that FF regularly seeks out on his own to hang out with and Nicky just loves how hard Andrew and Neil are trying not to be jealous about it.
“I want to ask Smith if he wants to come spend Thanksgiving Break with us.” Andrew says out of the blue a week before the aforementioned break when it’s just Aaron, Neil, Nicky and himself in Nicky’s dorm room.
Nicky thinks about FF talking about going back to his hometown in Washington State and how he waxed poetic about spending Thanksgiving Break with his Grandma and how he was going to eat his weight in pie and Macaroni and Cheese.
“He’s planning on going and seeing his grandma. He won’t shut up about it.” Nicky says still glad that FF has a family member like his grandma.
Everyone else in the room look at him.
“He won’t shut up about it?” Aaron asks with an eyebrow raised. Aaron likes FF just fine and appreciates how FF has helped Katelyn start to grasp the fundamentals of the German language so quickly so she can understand what’s being said. “So what he said it twice?” He continues.
Nicky remembers FF’s ability for catastrophizing every conversation with the Foxes into one where it comes out that he speaks Russian and Andrew stabs him. As far as the other Foxes are concerned he’s a man of few words.
“He’s been talking about it all month. If I hear about his grandma’s apple pie recipe one more time I might demand he sneak a slice back for me through TSA.” Nicky loves stoking the flames, especially when the fire is harmless. He watches Aaron shrug and the skin around both Neil and Andrew’s mouths tightens. “You can ask him, the worst he can say is No.” Nicky shrugs.
Nicky is there when Andrew does ask him and he can see the prolonged internal scream of terror on the utterly blank face (or maybe he just imagines it.) and in a way Nicky is a little sad when FF shakes his head and says “No, I have plans with my Grandma.” In an utterly blank voice that means he has functionally blue-screened before turning and walking towards the nearest door so he can reboot in solitude.
“The offer stands if you change your mind.” Neil says and Nicky is impressed with the seemingly very casual thumbs up FF gives as he power walks away.
A little less than a week later Nicky finds Andrew next to FF and FF looking down at a cancelled flight notification after coming in from a truly monumental storm.
Andrew offers Thanksgiving in Columbia again.
Nicky tries to stop it from happening he can see that FF is a little lost in his disappointment over not being able to see his grandma and not thinking clearly but before he can snap him out of it.
“Sure.”
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NEXT
Per your requests:
@i-have-three-feelings @blep-23 @dreamerking27 @andreilsmyreligion @belodensetdust @rainbowpineapplebottle @yarn-ace @iwouldlikesometea @lily-s-world @obscureshipsandchips @booklover242
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mobius-m-mobius · 25 days ago
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🎃 Trick or treat! 🎃
Furthering the keepsake headcanon, here's a little something of how Mobius might have found a way to save some of his moments with Loki to look back on until they reunite with inspiration by your lovely fic Photoautomat 🥰
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cipher-fresh · 10 months ago
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Did Eleven ever tell Amy and Rory’s parents that they’re alive in the past? Or did they just go missing a few weeks after a third of the human population had heart attacks?
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stergeon · 11 months ago
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at some point i will figure out how to write the post-canon, post-empire edelgard autonomy fic of my dreams. it just feels like a very big task and maybe like with playing the dane, i’m simply not old and traumatized enough to manage it yet.
but my vision is thus: it’s set years (realistically, decades) after the end of crimson flower, when everything has gone as right as it can possibly go. fódlan is thriving. the social reforms have taken effect. the nobility system is nearly eliminated, if not entirely so, with titles made merely symbolic. social mobility, welfare, and prosperity are high. there’s an explosion in arts and culture and technology. brigid and duscur have gained independence; relations with sreng and almyra are much improved; heck, maybe they've even figured it out with dagda. in my most idealistic version, leicester and faerghus would eventually be ceded back to become autonomous regions, essentially disbanding the adrestian empire. rule is no longer hereditary, but merit-based. there's a roadmap for the future, and everything is on track—and more than that, people at all points on the power spectrum have already seen it bear fruit. with or without edelgard, it will be pursued. there's buy-in. they believe.
of course, it's not perfect—nothing can be—but edelgard's vision has been fulfilled. the people are empowered. humanity is free. fódlan has healed.
and somehow, she's had enough time to resolve her goals outside of politics, too. those who slither in the dark have been eradicated. edelgard and lysithea's second crests have been successfully removed, allowing them to live if not full lives, then substantially longer ones than they would have with their twin crests intact. who knows—maybe she finally gets around to having that wedding.
point for point, every item listed in edelgard's manifesto has been checked off. the ghosts of her past have been laid to rest. she can finally take off her crown. she can finally pursue the quiet, humble life she's wanted for so long. she can finally breathe.
... but can she?
edelgard is nothing if not driven. her intelligence, vision, and sheer willpower allowed her to plan and execute a revolution against two countries and the most powerful institution on the continent, all while she was still a teenager. as royalty, her life was never truly hers even before she became heir to the adrestian throne, with all the additional baggage of survivor's guilt and the desire for vengeance and her need to ensure nothing that happened to her can ever happen to anyone else, ever again.
so what happens when that drive has no outlet? what happens when someone who has been constantly in motion, constantly working and planning and preparing every spare second of every day since she was fourteen years old, suddenly has to stand still? what happens when someone whose hands have been bound for so long—first literally in the dungeons of enbarr, then by the weight and responsibilities of her crown—is set free?
being edelgard, she would step away from the throne, no matter how hard it was for her to give up control. she's always been focused on the endgame, and she knows that if she doesn't let go, she'll be setting the wrong tone for fódlan's future. she's too devoted to that endgame to cling to power much longer than she needs to, though i could see her making some excuses and trying to iron out just a few more things to buy herself some more time to mentally prepare before she's done for good.
but who would she be then? who is the woman without the crown? what becomes of a machine once it is no longer needed, when it has made itself obsolete? what about when that machine is a person with legs and arms and an innate unwillingness to gather dust on a shelf?
what happens when you get everything you want? what happens when all your wanting has been for others to thrive, and now you have to want only for yourself? how do you discover who you are when you've spent decades being everything for everyone else? how do you find meaning again? how do you find purpose?
after a lifetime of devotion and passion and movement, how do you learn to sit with yourself, and be quiet, and be still?
gosh, i would love to meet her. i would love to pick her brain. but boy, i do not envy the work that girl has to do.
#sterge.rtf#fire emblem#fe3h#edelgard von hresvelg#realistically edelgard is not getting all of this done in her lifetime. but that wouldn't keep her from stepping away anyway#'cause a funny thing happened to edelgard during the crimson flower route: she learned to have faith again.#so even if she couldn't check every box and fix every societal ill she'd still be able to pass the crown to the next ruler.#maybe not without fear. but with confidence. with optimism. with the belief that she's leaving the world better than she found it.#she'd have faith in her people. faith in the future. faith in the groundwork she's laid. faith in the systems she's put in place.#faith that her vision will be carried out with or without her.#and that faith would allow her to eventually let go.#i so love edelgard pulling a george washington and saying nah i'm good on power. peace#though unfortunately i could also see her pulling a teddy roosevelt#and saying nah i'm good on power. peace. wait what are you doing. you're ruining it. you're bungling everything. i can't believe this#and making several (failed and increasingly insane) attempts to get back into politics#who is the taft to edelgard's ted tho. i don't want to do ferdinand the disservice of saying it's him even though i think it's very funny.#it's literally the opposite of his character as taft notoriously sniffed roosevelt's farts for a long time#until he finally pulled his head out of the guy's ass and realized there are other smells. such as the sewer. and garbage.#smells which he pursued quite happily much to ol ted's chagrin#meanwhile ferdinand does not think anything of edelgard's ass except that his is definitely better-looking than hers#(he's wrong on so many levels but you try telling the guy that)#in fact ferdinand has always taken great joy in pointing out all the things that smell better than edelgard does#which gives him an instant up on mr Take-Advice-From-Theodore#all this to say i think ferdinand von aegir would have been a much better president than william howard taft. that's just my opinion.#i'm getting off the rails in these tags idk what's wrong with me#sorry for equating your blorbos to long-dead american politicians everyone. i know this is a cardinal sin#also please don't take this to mean i think positively of washington or roosevelt or taft or whatever.#i hate all dead old white guys who ever held a modicum of power#i just had a hyperfixation on american presidents when i was in grade school and unfortunately now my brain works like this
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sass-squat · 2 years ago
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Part 7 of the Linked Universe Winged Au (LUWAU)! After many requests and a very long wait we've got our boy, Hyrule!
<<< Previous Next >>>
As per tradition here at Sass-Squat enterprises we have to start off with a little bird fact, so did you know that Henslow's Sparrows have the simplest and shortest song of any North American songbird? Their song is often described as a "feeble hiccup," and while they sing primarily sing at dawn and dusk, they are well known for sometimes singing all night long!
Anyways, I thought this was an interesting little fact because Hyrule oftentimes refers to himself as nothing more than a, "humble traveler" so I believe him having a simple "feeble hiccup" of a song matches that same energy.
However, Hyrule is heavily based off of a Henslow's Sparrow in my Winged Au for a multitude of other reasons aside from just his song. Hyrule is a such a sweet, simple guy, so I felt that it was right to assign him a bird that matches his down to earth nature, and a Henslow's Sparrow seemed the right fit in both appearance and behavior.
An example of their behaviors matching his own is the fact that Henslow's Sparrows take flight only with great reluctance, preferring to flee from threats by simply running through the grass. Before joining the chain, Hyrule was alone for the vast majority of his life both canonically and in this headcanon. As a result of this, he never really had anyone teach him how to properly preen or take care of his wings so they fell into a pretty disastrous state. This damage to his wings and flight capability didn't really bother him too much though, because much like a Henslow's Sparrow, he generally preferred walking as it was a safer, less conspicuous option of travel when he had monsters constantly hunting him down. The chain have all since helped him with his preening habits however, and he is doing much better but he still generally prefers walking over flying.
Another example of similar behaviors is that sparrows are oftentimes symbolic of productivity, cooperation, teamwork, and finding joy in the little things of life. Additionally, their spirits are said to be great at problem-solving and are capable of thriving in difficult environments. If that doesn't describe Hyrule then I genuinely don't know what does. He may not be as fast or strong as the other members of the chain, but he is very hardworking and he has a strong sense of determination and perseverance that really makes him shine in difficult situations.
Anyways! I could continue and go on for hours, but that's got to be all for now folks! Thank you all again for your kind words and comments! They always make me laugh and never fail to make my day. As always, feel free to ask any questions or simply leave requests for who or what you would like to see next and I will try my best to get to them all as soon as possible! Thank you all again!
P.S. I wanted to personally let @miadancer24 that I finally drew her boy! I promise I've seen your comments friend! :D I'm sorry it took so long to finish him!
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good-beanswrites · 15 days ago
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And a sort of alternate version for the last Fuuta/cry prompt, from a normal au that lives in my brain -- some hurt/comfort with Mappi :')
Mahiru hummed as she stirred. The apartment was filled with the wonderful aroma of her cooking. A door around the corner clicked. Perfect timing, she thought with a smile.
She hadn’t been sure Fuuta would wake up in time for dinner. He’d been out cold ever since she picked him up from his dorm room. Well, he’d probably recount it as kidnapping, since he was in no state to actually agree to come along. But that was the very reason she’d dragged his weak form out of there – no one at the school had noticed that calls stopped going through to him, or that his social media pages all vanished overnight, or that he’d stopped attending classes. When Mahiru finally made her way to his dark, trash-piled room, she discovered him with a 39 degree fever and rambling frantically about death. She needed to take matters into her own hands.
And that’s exactly what she did. Fuuta could hardly keep food down, after his diet of instant meals, energy drinks, and painkillers (if the discarded containers around his room were any clue), so she replaced them with homemade soups and teas. She traded his rumpled bed for her own, which was sweet-scented and well-lit. Mikoto had even helped with a change of pajamas for him. 
Mahiru had taken the liberty of calling Fuuta’s sister to let her know the situation, though it was difficult to find her information without Fuuta’s phone. She couldn’t find it anywhere in his dorm. She’d also given Shidou a call, and he’d stopped by the first day to check in. He said Fuuta should be more coherent by day three, at least.
Mahiru could always count on him for reliable information. Sure enough, soft steps approached from behind. 
“Good to see you, sleepyhead~” She smiled over her shoulder. Though in a better state than when she found him, Fuuta was still a bit of a mess. He looked pale and thin in Mikoto’s clothes, which were already big on him. His eyes were bleary. Strands of bright hair stuck out at all angles. His expression was dull, taking in the cozy apartment. 
“Mahiru made your favorite for dinner! I bet you’re hungry.”
“I… don’t want it… ” His expression was uncharacteristically blank. 
Mahiru giggled; he must be really tired to be denying food. “Oh, of course you do!”
“No, you… you don’t understand…” 
“Come take a seat, it’s ready now.”
He took a step forward. “Mahiru…”
“You should be more careful, Fuuta-kun! Next time you come down with something, you should really let somebody know. It’s a miracle I came and found you in time, hm?”
She spun to set things on the table. The pride in her masterpiece faded away as his expression twisted up. His hands drifted up shakily to his face, and he started to sob. 
“Fuuta-kun!”
Mahiru hurried to him. His knees gave out as she wrapped her arms around him. He leaned down into her, his breath hitching and hiccupping as he tried to tell her something. “You shouldn’t… if you knew what I… I…” 
“Shhh, hey. Shhh...”
After a moment of broken phrases and body-wracking sobs, he regained his balance and pulled away from her. There was a look in his eyes Mahiru had seen in the last few days, when he was trying to talk through his delirium. She’d chalked it up to feverishness, but she now saw that this raw, revolted horror was something real. 
“I fucked up.”
The simple sentence sent him into a fresh wave of panic. He tried to step backwards and hide his face away, but she tugged his sleeve backward. Normally she wouldn’t be able to forcibly move him anywhere, but for the second time, he was too weak to stop her.
“Just breathe,” she said. “You can tell me.”
Mahiru had known Fuuta for long enough to hear the range of his voice – the excited chatter, the snarky muttering, the grating yelling. In all that time, she’d never once heard him sound like this. His words cracked and wobbled. Sometimes it was so hushed that Mahiru had to press her ear closer just to understand.
And by the time he finished, she understood why.
“I didn’t know,” he kept repeating. “I’d never h-have done it if… if…”
“It’s okay,” was all Mahiru could repeat in turn, through her own tears. It wasn’t quite the truth, but it wasn’t a lie, either. It was what Fuuta needed to hear, and that’s all that mattered.
“I just want to take it back… but there’s no way… What am I – what am I supposed to do?” 
“We’ll figure it out, alright? It’ll be okay.” She guided him around. “Let’s get you back to bed, okay? I’ll bring the food in to you.”
He paused. His teary eyes studied her in bewilderment. “W-why?”
“Eh? Well how else are you supposed to eat from there…?”
“No, I mean,” he swallowed hard. “Why would you do that? You… you don’t hate me…?” 
“Oh, Fuuta-kun.”
She wrapped her arms around him again. This time, he willingly returned the gesture. He grabbed onto her for dear life, and Mahiru was suddenly struck with just how much of a miracle it really had been, that she’d found him in the state he was. 
She held him close, one palm spread on his back, the other twisted through his hair. 
“Not at all. Now, let me feed you something, okay?”
“... Okay.”
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travelbasscase · 6 days ago
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me when my disability disables me:
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#heds#ehlers danlos syndrome#hypermobile eds#hypermobile ehlers danlos#today i'm feeling kvetchy about not being able to run (or even walk fast sometimes) because inflating my lungs takes so much effort#and the pulmonologist said i have vocal cord dysfunction which doesn't fit my symptoms and then didn't fix the insurance thing that#he said he'd fix#so i'm kinda just stuck until i can get another pulmonologist which is hard cuz there aren't a lot in my area and wait times are eons#and even then most don't know jack about hEDS bc why would they it's a rare disease but then they aren't helpful bc they don't know jack#about the rare disease that is probably the root cause of my symptoms#and being dizzy when i stand up or tilt my head back too far and not tolerating heat the way i used to also sucks thanks POTS#at least i don't faint all the time?#and i never can tell if i'm hungry or not because acid reflux makes me feel like i'm starving when i just ate and other times like i'm full#when i haven't eaten. so i can't trust my hunger cues which is really irritating. and Tums don't help my acid#i can't just keep doing prilosec courses. i need to see a GI doc maybe they could do something but there's no time#and none of this is gonna kill me and i can still function it's just so tiring always having something hurting or gross or hungry#espec. when to other people i look like i should be able to do it all just fine so they're shocked when a flight of stairs winds me#i'm young and should-be healthy and this is unfair and i hate it and i wish my body worked right but i have it better than plenty of ppl#so really i can't complain
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imflyingfish · 7 months ago
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If I could make a minecraft mod I'd make one called "hold on!" Where when you open the inventory on single player you pause the game, like when you press escape.
I think this would help slower players (me) reorganise their inventory while in high stress situations, allowing for a slower approach to gameplay and a chance to cool down and strategise
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narmothewraith · 4 months ago
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How I imagine myself (aka want to be)
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Vent in the tags (sorry in advance)
#Honestly almost cried while sketching this#I feel so stupid#Like why did I agree to wait until i'm 25 to transition#Oh wait I know#Because I love my parents to much and they only really support me if I a) am 25 or b) my mental health is really really bad#Also it's that part of my mind that's doubting everything. That it's just a phase. That i'm not actually transmasc#Also the psychologist I used to go to supported the idea to wait till 25 and was talking about some whos she knew#And how that girl wanted to be a boy but she got a boyfriend and she didn't want to anymore#Or that boy who wanted to be a girl but later found his identity and was secure in his agab#And she kept saying/asking; “Would you be able to accept to be just a manly woman??” And similar questions#And I know it's stupid but because of it I just keep questioning myself over and over#Because now i'm especially scared it's something I grow out off#But I just want to look in a mirror and be happy#And while I do like my clothing. I want other stuff but I feel goddam dysphoric in that#Only things I can change about me is piercings and my hair but even that is something my parents aren't really keen of#Atleast the length is something they are okay with but if it's kinda more a “”man's style“” and I hear only “oh my god it's so manly"#Honestly I just hate that i'm to scared to do anything about it#All the while I suffer#cause I just cant get out of the house without a binder. Always checking how my profile looks like. Crying when its not how I want it to be#Or almost crying when my mom says “that size is better for a girl like you because other wise it looks boyish” even when I confided in her#transmasc#transgender#trans artwork#Trans#Artists on tumbr#Lgbt#my art <3#my own post
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fiannans · 3 months ago
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Didn't watch the high-level combat preview for Veilguard because I heard the "minor story spoilers" they mentioned are actually kind of major and I already know more than I wanted to.
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reel-fear · 2 months ago
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Looking at my old bendy posts is so sad. I used to post dissections of the story and fun things in it, I'd still like to do that but Mike sucks out so much of my energy but I also constantly feel the need to post about whatever dumb shit he says so I can explain to people why it's bad and shouldn't be supportive. On his youtube post a ton of people are being so kind to him and I'm just baffled. This rude asshole who has been nothing but bigoted towards his fans who want to see more diversity gets to be seen as some massive victim because HE said some dumb shit and people didn't like it? What about the young queers who were devastated to find out they'd never be represented in Bendy? What about the people of color who had to witness the graphic novel be filled with almost nothing but white people, with the only canonical person of color now being a book-exclusive [aka Non-Canon] character? Why do they matter so little to so many people? Why do the feelings of Mike, who has literally earned every bit of hate he's ever gotten, matter more than those of the people he's hurt? Why do I have to be the one who constantly updates tumblr on the new stupid shit he's saying no matter how tired and upset it makes me to have to constantly talk about the awful things he constantly says and then gets away with.
I miss being able to talk positively about Bendy, when most of my posts were just talking about cool things I thought about from the franchise. But being honest, I don't think I can ever go back to that time either. With stuff like the bendy books being no longer canon when they contain the best writing in the entire franchise and the way Mike shits himself at any critique he gets... I just can't speak positively of Bendy without some sort of "But..." Anymore, this franchise just fucking sucks currently.
I could make the posts I wanted to about stuff like how much I love Norman but I don't like Game Norman cause he lacks the interesting bits the books added and Book Norman has an awful design now thanks to these assholes! I could make all the posts I had wanted to about BATDR and its story, but I don't like to speak positively of the games anymore cause I don't want people to support them! I could make more posts on the books but then I'll be reminded that all this great writing Kress did, the bendy devs are completely ungrateful for! I literally can't speak purely nice of this franchise anymore cause at every turn I'm faced now with just how much it's been ruined and how much of that happened recently. I miss being able to make a causal nice post about Bendy but now I feel I can't do so without it being misleading or not the full story, Mike has tainted this fucking franchise with his presence and the fact Meatly lets him speak for both of them without stopping him or challenging him makes me assume he thinks the same way Mike does. Ughhhhhhhhhh
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