#worst movies of 2019

[twilightkitkat]

Imagine if Logan from the 2000s X-Men and Wolverine movies got put in a room like one of those gacha reaction videos and was forced to watch footage of the Deadpool & Wolverine movie (and the aftermath) thinking its him.

He'd be so confused about how the fuck he got there and why he was putting up with this shit and who Deadpool even was. He'd go through all of the stages of grief and right as he accepts that in the future he'll be stuck with an annoying (but reluctantly endearing) mouthy mercenary he finds out that it wasn't even him to begin with.

Like?? Right after he'd warmed up to the idea and realized at least he wouldn't be alone and someone cared about him.

And then he learns that this same fucker who's cuddling another version of him literally danced on his grave and desecrated his corpse. And live with that knowledge.

(Bonus points if the other X-men are there with him and are so confused because why is Logan with this lunatic? And putting up with his bullshit? And why are they emotionally opening up? And holy shit Logan's into men?? And they're so confused and concerned because they never saw him act like this because he comes off as very cagey and distant and macho. And then right as they accept he opens up due to the power of gay love they find out it's just another version. Ouch.)

Imagine knowing your legacy is going to be some asshole digging up your corpse, kidnapping another version of you, having an enemies-to-lovers arc with them, and then living in domestic bliss. Like I'd be pissed if I died an honorable death just so another version of me could have character development and live the life I always wanted.

Poor guy. He'd roll in his grave if he found out that the worst version of him is living out his homosexual dreams in his stead.

[evilpenguinrika]

idk if it's my delusions or if it's actually real

but i feel like the stupid bone jutting out behind my ear has gotten a tad smaller?

like it's not as jutty-outty as Monday and it doesn't feel tender when I touch it

so like, that's a GOOD thing, right? I don't need to go to urgent care RIGHT this moment, right?

[senirr]

Just rewatched the Aladdin live action, some Agrabah shots visually reminded me of Mirage's Baghdad...

Except Ubisoft actually has historically accurate architecture while Disney mixed up persian, Andalus and indian architecture 😅

Also the scene where Aladdin was being chased by guards is almost like the Mirage trailer and gameplay, I'll have to make a detailed post about it for my sake 😵‍💫

[joyful-patient-faithful]

Honestly, as much as I do enjoy the movie outside of the context of the book, I do not know if I can truly ever forgive Greta Gerwig for completely butchering all the characters in Little Women (2019), especially Jo.

[statisticalcats2]

Cats 2019 Appreciation

Day 1 - Favorite song(s)/scene(s)

[disasterarea-podcast]

My dedication to the podcast shows no bounds.

[bloodcoveredgf]

a very small list of horror ive given 1 star or less.... its sad to see truly

[astralmarionette]

i think someone should kill me. violently. make my body unidentifiable. dismember me. discard my limbs in different parts of town.

[twenty-words-or-less]

Top 5 Worst Films of 2019

It's been a while since I gave you something from the vault, so you can have something, as a little treat. Best of 2019 and Best & Worst of 2021 to be interspersed throughout the next few posts.

IMPORTANT: There will more than likely be spoilers, because I do not respect these films enough to calmly articulate my feelings for them. Also there is way more swearing in this post.

5. Glass

It is a second sequel that shat on the second wind Shyamalan had after Split. David Dunn suffered an undignified death in a puddle and Dr. Staple is a member of an evil organisation that suppresses the existence of superheroes. The latter comes out of fucking NOWHERE and does NOTHING for the film, let alone the trilogy as a whole. Also, the last act is lifeless and I haven't felt this patronised by a film since 2017's Ingrid Goes West.

4. Hellboy

The 2004 movie is in my all-time top 10. This 2019 disaster of a multi-genre whiplash didn't have a chance from the off. Everyone was wasted in this, actors AND the musicians who contributed to the soundtrack. It was lazy, it was unnecessary, and the post credits scene - namely, them finding Abe Sapien - was so optimistic about having a sequel, it was cute. I'm glad it bombed. Hard.

3. Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

Yep, the one I saw just yesterday. Whilst I wanted Kylo Ren to fucking die, the film also fucking made Reylo canon immediately before, which is the one thing I didn't want them to do. It's soulless, it relies too much on the original trilogy, it's too long for its own good, and oh my fuck is it a elevator plummet in general from TFA. And yeah, I know 'elevator' is American. In this case, it's more effective than 'lift'.

2. The Goldfinch

Proof that a film being based on a Pulitzer Prize-winning novel does not make it good. Every scene felt disconnected from the previous one, the plot likes to pop in for a cuppa every now and then, and it has more endings than a clitoris, none of which are anywhere near as pleasurable. Also, dear Hollywood: please stop giving Ansel Elgort work. Thanks.

Dishonourable mentions:

The Intruder: not as rage-inducing as the top five entries here, but still pretty crap. The character motivation is weak as hell and is never explained in a reasonable way.

Ma: Tries to be a hybrid of Carrie and Misery, fails at being both, can just wastes Octavia Spencer (and Diana Silvers, coincidentally in Booksmart).

Annabelle Comes Home: Straight up fucking boring. The best characters are only in it for about 9 seconds (proportionally speaking). Not much else I can say on that front.

And finally, the worst film I have seen this year...

1. Burning

Oh fuck me, where do I begin?This film is based on a short story, and at 2.5hrs is about 45mins-1hr too long for its origins. The protagonist is a gormless moron (GM), the love interest is a wet blanket (WB) and the third party is basically a Korean Gatsby (KG). WB disappears, and the film makes it out to be like KG didn't murder her (which he did, movie). The film treats us like we're stupid, some shots go on for far too long, there is no plot AT FUCKING ALL, and worst of all, I didn't care about the protagonists. GM wanks in WB's empty flat and then pretends to be sad when WB goes missing. GM also stabs the shit out of KG to death at the end of the film, and honestly, I wanted to jump into the film and stab the shit out of GM himself. [REDACTED] put this as their 2nd worst film of the year, and as much as I love them, 2nd place is far too generous. Foreign language films do not get a theatrical release in the UK very often, so this was an insult on multiple levels. I wanted to like this film, I did, and I want to know more about Korean cinema beyond I Saw The Devil, but this burned me in that respect and I do not understand the praise it got from critics. Fuck this film. Fuck it to the depths of hell and back. And fuck you, whoever decided to give this a theatrical release in the UK, for that decision. I hope that you will be forever tormented by mice living in your walls that eat your food and cannot be removed, no matter what. Fuck. You.

Thanks again for reading, and happy New Year, everyone! See you soon! Hopefully for a year that is better for films than this one! ❤

~Mikey

[icklewolfiekins]

can someone please write a reddie fic based on dress by taylor swift it needs to be done

[beepfuckingbeeprichie]

This is actually really important! Our media reflects societal values and collective cultural fears, and is a way of CHALLENGING our implicit biases (not all the time; sometimes torture porn is just torture porn). The horror especially!! Horror movies are so viscerally upsetting ON PURPOSE bc THAT’S THE POINT! TO! TEACH! A LESSON!!

Midsommar? The eventual willingness to participate in atrocities if it means acceptance!!

NOPE? The exploitation of black bodies in Hollywood!!

It?? The harmful narrative of “kids will be kids” and the depersonalization of children!!!

The Fear Street trilogy? Systemic class divide perpetrated by white men in positions of power!!!!

I think some people forget that some literature and some media is meant to be deeply uncomfortable and unsettling. It's meant to make you have a very visceral reaction to it. If you genuinely can't handle these stories then you are under no obligation to consume them but acting as if they have no purpose or as if people don't have a right to tell these stories, stories that often relate to the darkest or most disturbing parts of life, then you should do some introspection.

[reallyironcreator]

2025 Super Bowl: Date, Time, TV, Playoff Bracket, and Streaming Details for Eagles vs. Chiefs in New Orleans,

The journey to Super Bowl LIX began with 32 NFL teams, but now only two remain: the Philadelphia Eagles and the Kansas City Chiefs will battle for the coveted Lombardi Trophy.

The Chiefs secured their place in New Orleans with a thrilling 32-29 victory over the Buffalo Bills in the AFC Championship Game. They now have a chance to make NFL history by becoming the first team ever to win three consecutive Super Bowls.

On the other side, the Eagles earned their trip with a record-breaking performance, defeating the Washington Commanders 55-23 in the NFC Championship. Philadelphia set a new milestone for the most points scored in a conference title game. This win sends the Eagles back to the Super Bowl for the third time in eight .....Read More

[cappedinamber]

Little Joe (2019)

Directed by Jessica Hausner

Cinematography by Martin Gschlacht

[chaotic-pulsar]

Okay. It is official. The Emoji Movie is no longer the worst movie I have ever seen. As of today, that disgraceful title now belongs to Cats (2019).

[juniperhillpatient]

gaslighting my child about her dead cat because I’m a horrible mother with unhandled trauma that frequently effects my horrible parenting <3

[lunar-years]

also an important argument as to why Jo and Laurie truly weren’t meant for one another. Because yes of course she misses him. But mostly she misses this larger thing he represents to her, which is a time in her life when all of them were younger and things seemed far simpler. Having him back wouldn’t make her miss that any less, because he was only one part of something that none of them can ever get back. Because they’ve all grown up, and they’ve also lost Beth, and they’ve lost that magic.

The part of little women (2019) where Beth asks Jo if she misses Laurie and Jo says “I miss everything.” Yeah. Yeah.