#worst and best fics of 2020 for me

[battlekidx2]

I'm making this post purely to shout out some incredibly talented fanfic writers from the Hazbin Hotel fandom and my favorite works of theirs.

Did anyone ask me for this? No. Will I post it anyway? Absolutely. The writers in this fandom are too good.

The first fanfic writer I want to shout out is @prince-liest (ao3 link)

I absolutely love their get cared for idiot (Alastor) series (not the official name but they called it that in one of their asks jokingly so it's now the default in my head).

Knock, Knock! It's Your Worst Fucking Nightmare! (this fic gets it!!!! This is what I meant when I said Alastor is growing a heart and part of him is raging against it. He still has ulterior motives and a massive amount of pride and part of him feels like that growing fondness is getting in the way, but he can't stop it. I need to stop before this becomes a long ramble. I've written a couple thousand words on this idea, but this fic is just a better use of your time than any meta I could ever write and way more entertaining :D )

Happily Ever After, and Other Shit Nepotism Can't Buy

The Last Bus Stop in Hell, Now Boarding (Please look at the tags for content warning. Angel and Alastor body swap story.)

They're amazing at balancing on that razor's edge with Alastor where there's a heart in there (really deep) and he's unintentionally growing attached to the hazbin crew, but he doesn't lose his edge. He's still manipulative and an asshole and can easily be the scariest guy in any room. He's in hell for a reason. A+ characterization at all times.

They're so good at writing the complicated dynamics he has with the residents, especially Charlie, and I enjoy how they expand on Alastor's potential dynamic with Angel Dust.

Anything they write from Lucifer's POV is gold too! My favorites are:

Take Two and Leave a Voicemail!

The Care and Keeping of Homo Angelus

I am also 100% here for their Aro!Alastor agenda and I'm enjoying their fic I Love Her, I Love Her Not so far!

The second person I want to shout out is @grayintogreen (ao3 link)

Their series Red Roses and Dead Things consistently gut punches me.

Just like Princeliest, they are also fantastic at balancing on that razor's edge with Alastor. A+ characterization for everyone and I love how they write HuskerDust. It's so soft, especially in the aftermath fic for Learn that Even Death May Die called If My Love Is Tomorrow, I've Forgotten Yesterday (that fic hurt in the best way).

The way they explore the aftermath of Learn that Even Death May Die is incredibly impactful. They capture the unique grief that comes from the reality that there are some things you won't get closure for so well that it's painful.

I can't say enough good things about their series. Genuinely go read it.

I found @lediz-watches (ao3 link) before the first season of Hazbin Hotel dropped (I've been a fan of the hellaverse for a few years now and have been enthralled with the Hazbin Hotel pilot since I first watched it in 2020) and I really enjoy their fics.

My favorite is Suffering Kindness. I love the Charlie and Alastor dynamic they explore in this story. I think I'm just a sucker for the Charlie and Alastor dynamic in general, but this fic hits all the right notes for me. (written pre-season 1 but man is it good. 100% recommend)

LeDiz also has a lot of one-shots/collections of one-shots that are very fun.

The Cure for Inexorable Boredom

Dollface (one-shots about Alastor theories. My favorite is the 3rd one. So fascinating!)

Choice Words (one of the few explorations of Alastor and Vaggie's dynamic that I've found in the fandom)

Don't Say It

I have to shout out @ckret2 (ao3 link) and their phenomenal fic You’ve Got a Face for Radio. This is such an amazing aroace!Alastor fic. (Embarrassingly it was this fic that made me realize I was most likely aroace myself. I’d had fleeting moments of suspecting it but it wasn’t until I saw my experiences laid out in a character explicitly written to be aroace that I put the puzzle pieces together. -_- some of these passages were too relatable.) I cannot express how much I love this fic.

I also like their fics Dumpster Baby and Bitter Grapes.

I have one last writer I want to mention because this is getting really long (whoops). The last one is tiredoflofteranditsshit and their Assume He Has a Heart series (because my favorite character and how I interpret them was not obvious enough already with the fics/authors I've recommended. I had to make it more obvious).

These fics are massive (17k and 26k words) and so much fun. Definitely worth the read. Yet another series that follows up season 1 and explores Alastor’s growing connections and how he lies to himself and pushes against it. Love this series and there’s a lot to sink your teeth into :D

[81folklore]

older - LECLERC

pairings: charles leclerc x male!singer!reader (fc: luke hemmings)

summary: singer yn ln releases a love song with his boyfriend, and the public are not prepared for who it is about

authors note: this has been on my mind for SO LONG. i honestly dont like how many fics ive been doing on the same people (charles, lando etc) but whenever i go to start a new one on my list for someone else i think of something that i have to do😭 also in this reader is not a part of 5sos but close friends with the 3, wfttwtaf is readers album and older is exclusivly the readers song

authors note 2: i wanted to quickly clarify i am NOT speculating that charles or luke are gay/queer and this is not my intentions. luke obviously sings older and i find it easier to visualise it this way, while the reader in this is male, this could also be read as gn!reader. this is FICTION please do not tkae this as me speculating anything

authors note 3: i didnt really know what i was doing with this so its kind of all over the place and very rushed :/ but then again when arent my smau all over the place?? also can you tell i hate writing comments by the way i just dont😭

masterlist

yourusername

liked by pierregasly, ashtonirwin and 818,937 others

we started this song together back in 2020 and picked it back up at the end of 2022

'Older' was originally a voice memo of a 50’s-style love song that we wrote together, then forgot about. when thinking of concepts for my debut album i stumbled across the memo and fell in love with it all over again, but i put it aside yet again as to me, it deserved more than the album

the song has changed a lot from the original voice memo, but the meaning has stayed the same throughout. despite all the beauty, the ups and downs of a long-term relationship over many years, there’s inevitably going to be the worst moment of your love because one of you is going to lose each other

capturing those feelings in a song was tricky but ultimately we wrote from the heart and i think it shows in the song itself

this has always been a song between us, so having him play on this song was very importnt to me and im glad he said yes

older is now yours

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liked by landonorris, calumhood and 1,727,338 others

im very pleased to announce a very special one off show at the Royal Albert Hall in London this November 18th. I will be playing a bunch of tracks from my debut album and may be joined to play some others aswell! Tickets on sale this monday at 10 am BST. Lots of love always, yn x

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yourusername

liked by 5sos, charles_leclerc and 2,719,936 others

thank you for an incredible night at the royal albert hall

looking back at the best night of my life, i need to thank each and every one of you who allowed this dream to come true, i will never be able to thank you guys enough

performing in my dream venue, with my favorite people in the world was something i never thought was possible and yet here i am, writing this still on my high from last night

thank you to my friends; michael, ashton and calum who took the time to come to london and perform their songs with me, thank you for always loving me and agreeing to my crazy ideas

to my team and everyone who worked to make this night as special as it could be, thank you. thank you for making my htoughts a reality and making this night as wonderful as possible

thank you to the staff who worked throughout the show to make sure everyone was safe, well and looked after. you truly do not get as much credit as you deserve and i apreciate the hard work you put in to keep everyone happy

thank you to those who joined me, i wish each and every one of you who wanted to could have been there. thank you for singing along and listening to me pour my heart and soul into my music

thank you for letting me do this x

view comments

user55: not the pcd hitting already☹️

user1: and im supposed to pretend i didnt see yn and 5sos perform os/co??

user89: CHARLES?? YN IS DATING CHARLES??

user91: AND HE CAME ON STAGE?? AND THEY PERFORMED OLDER??

user50: i cant believe i saw this all happen live

user47: THANK YOU TO WHOEVER WAS RUNING THE GRAINY LIVESTREAM I OWE YOU MY LIFE🧎🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️

ashtonirwin: thank you for everything yn. youre a real life angel

user16: NO CHARLES MENTION??

user9: BESTIE HE HAS A WHOLE POST

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, pierregasly, michaelclifford and 3,619,273 others

after having time to process this show, I feel so overcome with gratefulness. my music means so much to me and seeing so many people resonate with it in a live space was so special for me.

charlie, my life would literally fall apart without you and this would have never happened without you giving me the confidence to do so, i hold so much love and admiration for you

thank you for joining me on such a special night and performing our song with me, thank you for sticking with me through it all and thank you for allowing me to share this part of my life with you

i sometimes wonder where i would be if i didnt find you, if i wasnt blessed with your love. i try to think about the times before you, before us, but both feel impossible to do after feeling your love

life with you is so special and i promise to always cherish and love you

merci de m'avoir laissé vieillir avec toi, merci de m'avoir laissé t'adorer, merci de m'avoir choisi (thank you for letting me get old with you, thank you for letting me adore you, thank you for choosing me)

yn x

tagged: charles_leclerc

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charles_leclerc: mon ange, je t'aimerai toujours (my angel, I will always love you)

charles_leclerc: je suis tellement privilégiée d'être celle que tu aimes🤍🤍 (I'm so privileged to be the one you love)

yourusername: vieillir avec toi ne semble pas si effrayant🖤🖤 (growing old with you doesn't seem so scary)

[anakinstwinklebunny]

can someone please do a hayden fic or c.ai bot of what life is like during lockdown/pandemic 2020 or any year with him and it’s also the holidays?

it’s not an “out of box” idea when i’ve seen a lot of hayden x reader / hayden x writer bots on here and c.ai

please? 🥺🙏🏼

MISTLETOE..

The beginning of the quarantine with HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN was kind of crazy. At first, it was filled with fear for the future, for how it'd all end, how it'd last. Then, as weeks went by, it turned to trying new things (in bed), buying different toys, lingeries, etc. But now? It was just..boring. So thanks to God it was Christmas time and the scenery outside the window like inside the house changed.

Hayden shuffled into the room, still in his sweats and that one hoodie you’d been trying to steal for days, holding two mugs of hot cocoa. His curls were tousled since the early morning, and you've tried to take care of them, but he always managed to slip away. Large hands were holding Christmas cups filled to the brim with hot cocoa and double serving of whipped cream

“Alright,” he plopped down next to you on the couch with a sigh “what Christmas movie are we pretending to watch tonight?” He handed you your mug, fingers brushing against yours - such a simple thing, yet still making your heart flutter.

And again - the pandemic had been hard on everyone, but somehow, these moments with Hayden were easier to survive. Days blurred into weeks, weeks into months, but you’d found peace in the slow pace of it all-- cooking meals together, building LEGO sets at midnight, and dancing around the kitchen to Michael Bublé while you baked yet another batch of cookies you didn’t need.

He had this way of making even the worst days feel like the best ones.

Like the time he let you help him on the farm and eventually name all the sheep he had. Or when it was your birthday but you run out of the decorations so he used the toilet paper where he carefully wrote "happy birthday!" and wore the ugliest Christmas sweater you’d ever seen - the question was, from where he had bought it? Because you definitely didn't give him that.

Or the time you tried to teach him how to wrap presents..

It didn’t go well.

“This is why I just buy gift bags,” he’d muttered, staring hopelessly at the mangled piece of wrapping paper in his palms. You’d fumbled over laughing, watching how his handsome face was scrunched in so much confusion and tiredness of the whole wrapping paper thing

So tonight was no different. As the movie you pretended to watch played, you found yourself using him as your own teddy bear - arms wrapped around his waist, legs tangled over his lap, face nuzzled to his chest, breathing in his too-good-smelling cologne that often was enough to turn you on. His arm draped lazily over your shoulders, and every so often, he’d press a kiss to the top of your head, murmuring something sweet like, long fingers brushing over your hair

“C’mere, let me show you how photogenic we are,” he teased, pulling you onto his lap. He kissed your cheek right as the camera clicked, capturing the purest moment of laughter and love.

Later, you’d find yourselves in the kitchen, baking cookies.. again - your freezer will be full with sugar before the end of the year. Flour streaked his cheek, and he smirked when you pointed it out. “What?” he teased “You don’t like the rugged look?”

“You look ridiculous,” you giggled, but the way he kissed you--slow, gentle, like he had all the time in the world--made you blush like never before

Quarantine with Hayden wasn’t perfect. But it was yours, and that made it enough.

TAG LIST: @kingdomhate @divineani @haydensprettyprincess @skyguys-princess @catnipaddictt @heartscone @haydensbbg @inneedsoffanfics @jediavengers @literally-izzy @anisluvrgirl @slutforfinnickodair @xhunnybeeex @fuckmyskywalker @gallerygourmet @deceptiive @anakinskwkler @bimbo-baggins17 @cookybananas @emotionallybruisedx @diorvalentina @sevinax @throughparisallthroughrome @aniiuv @ritosparty @ninastyless @lily-strnlo @thesassypadawan @awhhayden @sydkneez @anisangeldust @l1ttle-misssunsh1ne

[slutforpringles]

Hey Jaimie, I just wanted to come on here and say thank you for all your contributions to the DR3 fandom. Whether it’s fighting for Daniel’s rights on Reddit or posting all the latest news, you’ve become somewhat of a lifeline for me. Your highlighted articles are my favourite to read, because it keeps me up to date with everything that’s happening. I truly hope you know how appreciated you are here, and I hope that the community that you’ve built here stays around for a long time, despite the recent news. Thank you for your dedication and positivity. Take care!

Hey, I know you sent this earlier today and I'm sorry it's taken me a while to reply, but I wanted to sit down and write a proper response. Getting this message was genuinely so lovely and I can't tell you how much it meant to me to hear that my tumblr has been able to be a positive place for someone 💞

I know I've very rarely been super personal on here, but this sport and this fandom has come to mean a lot to me, so I wanted to use this moment to express my gratitude to the dirlies (gn) and this community.

I was first introduced to F1 through friends while I was living in Europe in 2019 through DtS. I knew from the first moment I saw Daniel he was my favourite. I was immediately enamoured by his vivaciousness and that unabashed joy for life that exudes from every fibre of his being. But I was busy studying overseas and just didn't have the time to be fully bitten by the F1 bug.

I came home at the beginning of 2020 and between the pandemic, lockdowns and my personal life going toooootally to shit I was in a pretty bad place. And it was after a few months of struggle and wallowing that somehow my youtube algorithm landed me on a video of Daniel. I was hooked and very quickly worked my way through highlights, interviews, social media clips, all the funny videos, then each race highlight video as it came out in 2020, which led into every single WTF1 podcast (🙃😂) from 2020. The amount of google searches I did trying to learn all these racing and engineering terms and technical phrases I hadn't come across before (I distinctly remember googling what "box, box" meant because I had no effing clue what it meant 😂). I read every article I could about the upcoming season and the insane hype of Daniel going to McLaren (🙃🙃🙃) and can remember that first FP1 session in Bahrain I ever watched live.

I kind of stumbled onto tumblr via reddit. As I'd been learning about and becoming obsessed with F1 and Daniel I'd made my way onto the F1 sub, and for a long time I could be found on there first learning, and then discussing (and then later arguing for and defending Daniel lol). And I think it was as reddit started becoming more and more anti-Daniel that I started spending more time on tumblr.

For a long time before I joined tumblr I lurked, reading so many of all of your wonderful posts and opinions and seeing all the beautiful and creative fics and art. The mclaren hate blogging era was some of the best (and worst) times and some of the masterpieces on here in defence of Daniel and his career are so iconic and I have referenced their points/stats/quotes so many times in defence of Daniel.

I was a bit scared to fully join tumblr and start posting but I felt really quickly welcomed into this community on here. None of my friends IRL are remotely interested in F1, and so getting to talk about it here with all of you has been such a blessing (and I think my family are probably incredibly grateful that they don't have to listen to me talk about F1/Daniel quite as much as before 😅).

I just wanted to say how incredibly grateful I am to have gotten to experience the last few years with all of you on here. It hasn't always been easy and it's been a rollercoaster - that's for fucking sure - but the highs have been SO incredible. Daniel brought so much happiness and joy and laughter into my life at a time when I really, really needed it and seeing the outpouring of love for him on here the last few days has been beautiful, despite the heartbreaking circumstances.

I don't know what the next few months will look like without Daniel in F1, but I'll be sticking around for sure. I know I'm not always the best at replying to messages or inboxes (I blame my ADHD) but I'm always here for a chat and my messages are always open💞

[live-laugh-lenney]

ok ok hear me out: george makes a new friend thru social media connections and he is really nervous to ask her out but after his friends give him some convincing…he finally does (very nervously)

i love your fics btw babes

"just ask her, you cretin."

george rolled his eyes at arthur hill's commonly used insult for him in regards to his stupidity and stared back down at his phone held in his hand, eyes focused on the small text bubble that said 'hello', a text so vague yet made his heart pump rapidly in his chest.

yn was someone he met through tiktok during the 'beep' saga in the 2020 covid-19 lockdown.

she had her own account, her own tiny following, her own format and short-form content that would usually appear on his 'for you' page, and she attended the same content creator events as him - he just never plucked up the courage to go and speak to her, to introduce himself formally... but, then again, neither did she.

she found herself admiring his sense of humour and the content he was gracing people with through lockdown and she wasn't shy when it came to showing her enjoyment online. always looking for updates on his page, commenting her ideas, expressing how it was the one thing she had to look forward to during her boring days out of work. and it was during that time that he reciprocated; liking her videos, commenting and showing his own enjoyment towards her content.

"what if she completely airs me?"

"why would she?" chris wonders, feet kicked up on the sofa as he had the football highlights from the weekend playing on the television, "i mean, she's been keeping you entertained for years, george. and not just by her tiktok account. she actually keeps talking to you like she's interested in what you have to tell her."

george could heart he sarcasm dripping from his roommates voice and he couldn't stop himself from throwing a middle finger up in his direction.

"i'm just saying," chris holds his hands up in surrender, "joking or not, she wouldn't be messaging you constantly if she didn't like you in any way."

"i don't want her to like me in any way," george groans heavily, rolling his head back and arthur can't help but laugh at the dilemma his best friend was, "i want her to like me like me."

"this is such a bunch of teenage girl bullshit, george," chris cackles and looks in his direction; the way his phone was on the breakfast bar, between his hands as he leant against the top, "grow a pair of bollocks and just ask her out. what's the worst that could happen? she says no."

"you'll never know if you don't ask her," arthur says and george brings his attention from the ceiling and to the eyes of his two roommates, "seriously, you are so in love. it's sickening."

silence fell in their flat.

the two boys stared at george as he contemplated his decisions. the way his eyes stared at his phone, like he was trying to come up with a good way to carry on with the conversation she had been willing to start, anticipating what his movement was going to be.

"you're currently airing her."

"yes, thank you, christopher," george retorts and picks his phone up from the kitchen island, his thumbs working on a response back to her, "you guys suck at the whole 'wingman' thing, by the way. you're supposed to be nice, make me feel less nervous-"

"just ask her out, idiot. wingmen or not, we just want this to be over."

"the pining needs to stop now. george, just ask her or else someone else will come along," arthur insists, walking passed him and giving his shoulder a soft squeeze, "although, what she sees in your massive head is completely beyond me."

"what one?" george asks with a smirk on his lips and chris lets out a cackle, which bellows around the flat, leaving arthur bewildered in his response, "what?"

george disappears into his room, closing the door behind him, laying on his bed and he could feel his heart beginning to race again. what he wanted was to call her his girlfriend, but to take her out on a date was something he was nervous to do, wanting to surprise her and for it to be the best date she's ever been on. years of friendship and it could be ruined within seconds...

How are you? Are you okay?

I'm good, yeah. Sorry, you caught me in a bad time.

Oh, I'm sorry. Everything sorted now?

Sorted.

What are you doing Thursday night?

I tweeted about doing a live-stream on Tiktok that night, why?

My local down the road does a karaoke night on Thursdays and I was wondering if you fancied it?

Oh, that sounds brilliant.

With Chris and the two Arthur's, too? That sounds like a great night, count me in!

Just me.

And you.

I was thinking more of a date kind of thing.

Oh.

I'm so sorry, George.

his mind was racing.

sorry for what?

for assuming she was invited out with him and his friends? or for not being as interested in a date with him as he was to date her? he could feel his bottom lip going numb as he chewed on the flesh nervously and he could feel the deep pit in his stomach feel empty.

I'd love to.

[fannyyann]

Hey, hope you're doing okay. I hope you don't mind me asking, but I am rather new to the mattdrai fandom and I couldn't help but wonder:

Was Matthew really as bad as a lot of fic lead to believe in his earlier hockey years in Calgary? And was he really disliked in the room - where there rumours like that? So many fics build on this premise, and seeing him now in Florida and hearing all the nice things his teammates say about him and seeing the things he does himself and the insane good hockey he plays... it's hard to believe.

It's so strange also that it's so rarely mentioned that Leon was the one to be sent down to the minors, not Matthew.

Plus what I don't get: matthew is a lot hotter than Leon? why is it always told like Leon is the hottest dude on earth while Matthew is nothing? comparing early pics and pics from now... it's just not true? Leon looks good, a bit bland IMO, but Matthew is and was just hot in a very unique and special way. maybe because he isn't that bland generic good looking Leon is? But good looking in a special way? so that got a lot longer than I thought it would, hope you don't mind the ask.

i don't mind you asking at all! this is basically my roman empire so MY apologies if this gets unwieldy but i have FEELINGS about matthew's early fic portrayal lmao

in his six years on the flames, matthew was always one of the top five scorers.

his rookie year, he was sixth in rookie scoring

the season he was picked for his first ASG, the flames were 16th in the league at the time all star rosters were announced and matthew was their top scorer.

so it's not like he was the best player from a bottom of the league team or going because he was the home town boy, he was a playoff team's best player (both at the asg break and when the season was eventually suspended because of covid).

and even in his career worst year (2020-2022), he ended the year as their third best scorer and only six points behind johnny (the leader). and as one of calgary's beat reporters said in his end of the year review, Matthew was "good, but not quite as good as the Flames needed him to be."

so i've never really understood why people were portraying him like that either and still haven't figure out if most of it was unreliable narrator kind of stuff or if some authors actually thought he was bad before he had his breakout season, but it doesn't reflect reality.

as for him being disliked in calgary, that all stems from jake muzzin flipping the puck at him, and the subsequent players only meeting that took place after it, in which matthew allegedly told the team he was upset they didn't join him in the scrum after and he was then told him it can't be a riot every night.

before that there were never any rumors that i'm aware of that he was unliked in the room, and in 2019 gio, who most people tend to think is the one who told matthew to tone it down, said this about another players only meeting:

so while the 2021 players only meeting was a story because matthew wasn't playing like his usual self afterward, i've never thought it was indicative of him not being liked by his teammates. and honestly, you have to take it all with a grain of salt anyway because while guys obviously bullshit the media, at the practice after the players only meeting guys talked about how there was a general lack of emotion, and how they came out there trying to have fun with each other and put it behind them, and in the postgame the next night, gio specifically sites getting into scrums and mixing it up when asked how much more emotion they played with in that win compared to earlier losses, so if mixing it up was good the very next night, the math doesn't quite add up, yk?

but johnny did confirm in his spittin chiclets appearance about two weeks after the muzzin incident that matthew was pissed after they left him out to dry that night, and when asked about matthew's struggles that season darryl sutter said matthew needed to, and would, get back to playing to his identity, so the whole cause and effect of the muzzin incident on matthew's play that season isn't completely unfounded, but i do think multiple guys saying the team needed to play with more emotion, johnny saying in the chiclets episode that the guys skating off didn't find out about the puck flip until they saw it on sportsnet and saying he felt bad about it, and the new coach coming in and getting matthew to play back to his style shows that it wasn't as personal as it was made out to be.

anyway, the flames may not have be as tight knit as the panthers are, but matthew had his people there. he's bffs with hanifin and his friendship with sam bennett is part of what drew him to florida. johnny always says great things about him, blake coleman called him the heartbeat of the team, and was such an important voice in the room that the flames suffered when he and gudbranson were no longer around to tell sutter to chill the fuck out when he was being too hard on guys in the room.

he probably wasn't close with every teammate, most people aren't friends with all their coworkers, but he wasn't some sort of loner in that locker room.

as for the looks, that's all down to personal preference. leon is definitely very conventionally attractive and while matthew has definitely glowed up in the last few seasons, he was by no means ugly. i wouldn't even say he's really unconventionally attractive either. he's got a good face and was a cute teen and people who are like "oh no i find matthew tkachuk attractive now" have literally never made sense to me. but again! personal preference and all that.

again, my apologies if you weren't looking for THIS MUCH of an answer to your question but this isn't even all the sources i pulled up when i first got this ask so i did TRY to keep it short lol

[okmcintyre]

Masterlist #2 Bellarke Fanfiction Recs

It's been a couple more years & I'm very happy to report there's been ✨lots✨ more amazing fics shared in our corner of fandom. Y'all know the drill: linking older modern!au recs, the dropship/delinquent-only stories list, a few canonverse recs and of course the OG Masterlist from 2020.

Feel free to add your faves! 💛

Canonverse unless noted otherwise, + fics of of all ratings, so keep your eyes peeled!

Good Days and Bad Days by tiredwetdog 

where have you wandered, my only child? by carrieevew

Little steps by bellofthetolppl

With you in my arms (everything feels alright) by orphan_account 

so this is how rumors get started by ChronicTonsillitis

Bellamy Blake needs to touch some grass by b00mgh

Weathering the Storm by PenguinofProse

Hold on to me (I'm a little unsteady) by TheWordsInMyHead

take a running start by glowinghorizons

the whole world stops by whatspastisprologue

so this is how rumors get started by ChronicTonsillitis

Show Me What I'm Looking For by bitscrawford

What We Built by elle_stone

Can't Find Paradise On The Ground by icantloseyoutoo

It Doesn't End Here by immortalpramheda

You Make it Real by PnclSktch

i'm on my knees, your faith in shreds by stoneage_woman

the radio is playing your favourite song (open the door) by theinvisibledisaster

Hold me still by bellofthetolppl

a kiss is a secret which takes the lips for the ear by troubledpancakes

one less day to be alone by glowinghorizons 

A Short Story About Love by twosuns

must've been some kind of kiss (grounder!au) by carrieevew

Don't Look Back, You're Not Going That Way (viking!au) by andsowemeetagain

And Now You're Home (praimfaya!au) by asroarke

When the Sky Meets the Ground (grounder!au) by Peggysousfan

No Man is an Island, Entire of Itself (hanahaki!au) by MyHeartOfHearts

Walk the Line (doctor/criminal!au) by TheWordsInMyHead

The Other Half of my Soul (soulmate!au) by ZouWrites 

Lone Wolf (nightblood!au) by Peggysousfan

May the Waves Bring You Home (modern!au) by RogueTwelve

The Best Man (bellmillerbffs!au) by PenguinofProse

Mirror Mirror On the Wall (soulmates!au) by SPNOUAT

If My Wishes Came True (modern!au) by bookwormforalways

so I stayed in the darkness with you (soulmates!au) by burninghoneyatdusk

Pieces of Us (modern!au) by daenoora

i think i should go (you said maybe don't) (modern!au) by blaketrash

Only Fools Rush In (modern!au with a twist) by onlyherefor1

Black Out Days (apocalypsey!au) by TotalBellarkeTrash

(do you remember?) dancing in stilettoes in the snow (modern!au) by carrieevew

Share Your Address (modern!au) by useyourtelescope

Better Than Revenge (B/C/L!au) by Excuseyouclarke 

Your words on my skin (soulmate!au) by not_a_total_basket_case

Better with you. (artclass!au) by Luminouswriter 

I Thought The Worst Was Behind Us (modern!au) by onlyherefor1

proposal interruptus (modern!au) by carrieevew

One Way to Find Out (clurphybffs!au) by Silverloc

bet on it (bet on me) (modern!au) by griffenly

The House Guest (modern!au) by Shippershape

After Me Comes The Flood (modern!au) by theinvisibledisaster

I Found Peace in Your Violence (modern!dystopiaish!au) by eyessharpweaponshot

Take Care of Me (And My Heart) (modern!au) by QueenoftheWallflowers 

And in Other News... (news!au) by Jeanie205

love enough to fill me up (domestic!au) by jackiefreckles

Fading Out (soulmates!au) by PenguinofProse

[fated] happenstance (soulmates!au) by she_who_the_river_could_not_hold

The Dying of the Light (wartime!au) by starsonfire

Bellarke The 100 Instagram AU (socialmedia!au) by OhLenaLena

I Don't Want to Dream About You (modern!au) by Dayo488

Too Aware of Where Your Lips Have Been (modern!au) by MissMR

When Bellamy Met Clarke (whenharrymetsally!au) by onlyherefor1

Submarine Man (modern!au) by twosuns

[hendolish]

England NT Fic Recs ♡

never know where to start for a pairing or you're new to england nt rpf? here's a shameless collection of my favourite fics to give you a head start 🫶🏻 ———

Jack Grealish/Jordan Henderson

melt by inlovewithnight (8k)

soulmate au where you feel everything your soulmate does and can't bear being too far away from each other. they're just so at ease and in love with each other in this. probably my favourite hendolish fic! <3

About as subtle as an earthquake, I know by Lizz_88 (Bluejay00) (68k)

jack's a stripper, jordan's himself. so much more than what it says on the tin! all the characters are super complex and it takes a lot of work for these two to get together (with no shortage of lap dances and smut along the way) <3

Calm Before The Storm by preachingdoll (6k)

post-euro 2020 heartbreak jack needs a bit of help coping. jordan's there to offer a helping hand... the smut and dirty talk is 10/10

best worst behaviour by Bellelaide (25k)

kind of a hendolish classic, jordan puts bratty jack in his place.

♡

John Stones/Jordan Pickford

Sun City AU by Bellelaide (series, 40k)

honestly one of my favourite fics ever, let alone footie-wise. jordan's on a very british all-inclusive holiday at a hotel where john works. the vibes are just immaculate, you can visualise everything so clearly and there's so much depth to their characters!

Ice Melts by Bellelaide (7k)

enemies to lovers kinda? john doesn't think much of jordan before the 2018 wc but the further they get in the tournament, the closer they become. amazing characterisation and banter as always.

Helping Hand by slatkomore (14k)

with john's career ended abruptly by an injury, he turns to coaching instead and soon becomes the england u19s manager where he meets the goalkeeper coach, jordan pickford...

your world cup or mine? by Bellelaide (15k)

john goes to sleep at the 2022 wc and wakes up back in 2018 where he and jordan aren't together and barely friends. such an interesting concept and dynamic!

♡

Jack Grealish/John Stones

The Things We Did and Didn't Do by InTheFicOfIt (series, 104k)

john and jack sleep together in the aftermath of the euros, the following fic explores everything that comes after, including jack moving to man city and their friends finding out. i'm never usually tempted by this pairing but this fic is so damn good! it's written so wonderfully and there's so much of it- i couldn't put it down!

♡

Ben white/Aaron Ramsdale

happy together by foxholecourts (1k)

this fic perfectly encapsulates their vibe for me. the back and forth between the two of them is just delightful and exactly how i imagine them to be together, but it's also as equally sappy! i love these two idiots sm <3

watching you watching me by foxholecourts (2k)

ben likes to be watched... 10/10 benaaron characterisation from this author as always.

sweettalker by Anonymous (5k)

smut with a lot of dirty talk about the other arsenal lads. ben is very complex in this- an interesting take on their relationship!

I’m Not In Love by ceraunophilex (1k)

aaron falls in love immediately, ben slowly warms to him. short and sweet.

♡

Jordan Henderson/Trent Alexander-Arnold

Shake Me Into the Night by orphan_account (17k)

always hits me right in the feels. based around liverpool winning the champions league, the writing is so detailed and amazing!!

♡

Jude Bellingham/Reece James

the sun and the rainfall by ohsusie (series, 6k)

jude asks reece about some of the rumours surrounding him to help him broach a sensitive topic of his own. reece gives him some guidence. they're so sweet in this!

♡

Dele Alli/Eric Dier

In This World Of Ours by dierdele (53k)

the classic deledier best friends to lovers 2018 world cup get-together fic. you can't beat it, literally so cute oml.

♡

Marcus Rashford/Jesse Lingard

both your hands in the holes of my sweater by yvenger (jjjat3am) (3k)

this one is so much fun hehe, the ~2018 man u squad if they were a sunday league team where jesse's very confident and marcus has a huge crush on him. love the inner dialogue so, so much. ending is super cute!!

i can feel that body shake by princessrosberg (3k)

an england nt night out leads to them getting together and their first time! jesse and marcus characterisations are on point, esp the way they talk to each other <3

♡

Harry Kane/Gareth Southgate

All Good Things... by orphan_account (12k)

their established relationship is so cute in this! post-2018 wc and preparing for the euros, england team banter is perfect.

wished by orphan_account (23k)

gareth is harry's p.e teacher at school. listen… no comment... there's a reason it's the most kudos-ed southkane fic

♡

[hlficlibrary]

HL FIC LIBRARY ✤ AUTHOR REC

AO3: Neondiamond

Tumblr: @neondiamond

STATS:

✤ Number of fics: 66

✤ Posting Since: 2020

TOP 5 FICS:

1️⃣ I’d Walk Through Fire For You (Just Let Me Adore You) {E, 8k}

Firefighter Louis is having an uneventful shift at the station when a call comes in about a devastating fire in a nearby apartment complex. All of his worst nightmares become reality when he realises it’s where Harry, his best friend who he’s had a relentless crush on for years, lives, and that said best friend is stuck inside among the flames.

2️⃣ Find Me in the Kitchen {E, 9k}

When Harry sees Louis step in his beginners cooking class for the first time, he’s surprised to say the least. Not only is Louis an Alpha, he’s probably the most attractive Alpha Harry has ever come across. The next five weeks are sure to be interesting.

3️⃣ Sweet like candy {G, 4k}

Louis is an Alpha with an odd obsession for gummy bears. Harry is an Omega who makes friends a little too easily. They meet on the bus.

4️⃣ On Thin Ice {E, 16k}

As the goaltender for one of the best hockey teams in the world, Harry never expected participating in his second winter Olympics would be so eventful. His hidden long-term relationship with the captain of their biggest rival team may have something to do with it.

5️⃣ Naturally {E, 5k}

When PE teacher Louis first gets assigned to be a chaperone on a weekend long camping trip with a bunch of high school seniors, he’s not too excited about it. That changes when he finds out his fellow Music teacher Harry, who Louis happens to have a massive crush on, is also coming.

HIDDEN GEM:

💎 Foreshadowing {NR, 666 words}

Alone at home on a rainy Friday night, Harry reads a story that resembles his own life a bit too closely…

[r0semaryt3a]

So, a while ago I got my sister into bsd and she promptly fell for both Fitzgerald (with absolutely no swaying or manipulation from me) and Chuuya. And, of course, as the lovely younger sibling I am: I’m writing a crack fic for her to cringe at. “Chuuya x Reader x Fitzgerald 2020 Wattpad style, love triangle, crack taken seriously” was certainly not something I thought I’d ever write. Yet, here we are. So take this (very) small extract from “boats agaisnt the tide” the worst thing I’ve ever committed to writing.

I also want to add that I wanted to mess around with the narration; by mess around I mean the narrator is constantly insulting you. Enjoy!

—

Moving to Yokohama was at one point in your life: the best choice you’d ever made. That point had long since passed.

Days blurred into one, weeks into months and so on so forth. It was like the world had been bleached of all colour; just the same dull drivel remained. Though, you weren’t one to complain. Once the hustle and bustle of your move had calmed, you fell into routine as effortlessly as breathing and (for the most part) you were content with this.

Today was Monday, the half torn calendar nailed to your living room wall telling you as much, which meant today was grocery day. Carpet fell to tile as you sauntered to the fridge, its garish light greeting you. With your eyes scanning every shelf a sigh left your lips, probably shouldn’t have skipped over last weeks run. If the plethora of empty shelves and out of date packets starring up at you were anything to go by at least. Now aware of the complete haul your prior ignorance had resulted in you needing, you return to the room. You took good care of your apartment, the small 4 room space was sufficient for your mundane and meaningless life even if your bathroom sink had been blocked for months, or your main source of comfort was a dingy sofa bed you’d bargained for at a car boot sale. It was home and it was as good a home as you were going to get.

Or at least until you’d saved up enough to get out of it. You actually had quite the pretty penny to your name, you just lacked the impulse control to keep it long.

—

It’s not much at all but I’m having a blast writing the narrator

@bestrongbebrave49 you have no idea what’s coming for you

[elenasharemofmikaelsons]

EHOM Update: It's the Great Tumblr Backlog, Charlie Brown!

While I've been collecting a nice little GIANT backlog (because I'm the worst 😇 and everything is a little a lot right now irl *gestures everywhere* 🫠), the Elena's Harem of Mikaelson's Discord has nevertheless been busy little bees.

While I catch up on all the posts I owe everyone, here is a quick summary of what's on my To-Do List! - A

Member Fics

Title: Sleeping Queen (Chapter 5) Ship: Elena Gilbert/Klaus Mikaelson Author: Clinomania28 | @clinomania28 Published: 2024-11-04 Chapters: 5/8

Title: Sleeping Queen (Chapter 6) Ship: Elena Gilbert/Klaus Mikaelson Author: Clinomania28 | @clinomania28 Published: 2024-11-04 Chapters: 6/8

Title: The Loving (Chapter 7) Ship: Elena Gilbert/Elijah Mikaelson, Author: Clinomania28 | @clinomania28 Published: 2024-11-06 Chapters: 7/7

Title: Pink Pony Girl (Chapter 1) Ship: Elena Gilbert/Elijah Mikaelson Author: Clinomania28 | @clinomania28 Published: 2024-11-11 Chapters: 1/2

Title: Do I Really Have to Tell You How He Brought Me Back to Life (Chapter 2) Ship: Elena Gilbert/Klaus Mikaelson Author: VisionsinCrimson | @katherineholmes Published: 2024-11-19 Chapters: 2/4

Title: Hidden Protections Ship: Elena Gilbert & Bonnie Bennett & Caroline Forbes Author: MystidPurple Published: 2024-11-20 Chapters: 1/1

Title: Ultimatum Ship: Elena Gilbert/Elijah Mikaelson, Elena Gilbert, Elijah Mikaelson/Klaus Mikaelson Author: Clinomania28 | @clinomania28 Published: 2024-11-21 Chapters: 1/1

Title: The Best of All Possible Worlds (Chapter 1) Ship: Elena Gilbert/Klaus Mikaelson, Elena Gilbert/Elijah Mikaelson (Minor), Elena Gilbert/Damon Salvatore (Past) Author: JohnathansNightFlight | @jonathansnightflight Published: 2024-11-23 Chapters: 1/6

Title: I'd Be Home With You Ship: Elena Gilbert/Elijah Mikaelson Author: moonysmate | @moonysmate Published: 2024-11-24 Chapters: 1/1

EHOM Weekly Fic Club

Remember the goal is to show your appreciation and love in the AO3 comments of the fic itself! Give fic authors some love 🥰!

Week #6: October 22 - October 28, 2024 Title: A Game of Trust Ship: Elena Gilbert/Elijah Mikaelson Author: wheatear Posted: April 10, 2011 Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 3,739

Week #7: October 29 - November 4, 2024 Title: Possessive Ship: Elena Gilbert/Klaus Mikaelson/Elijah Mikaelson/Kol Mikaelson Author: MissNMikaelson | @missnmikaelson-main Posted: June 28, 2019 Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 2,281

Week #8: November 5, 2024 - November 11, 2024 Title: The Monster in Her Mind Ship: Elena Gilbert/Elijah Mikaelson/Klaus Mikaelson, Elena Gilbert/Damon Salvatore (Past) Author: VisionsInCrimson | @katherineholmes Posted: August 14, 2022 Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 9,717

Week #9: November 12, 2024 - November 18, 2024 Title: Join Me In Hell, Darling Ship: Elena Gilbert/Kol Mikaelson Author: sevensistersofsussex | @sevensistersofsussex Posted: August 8, 2022 Chapters: 1/1 | Words: 1,302

EHOM Fic Club: Multi-Chapter Read (The Stars Were Brightly Shining)

We picked up the pace on this, realizing it would take us forever to read multi-chapter reads one chapter a week so here's a quick summary of the new speedier format!

Remember the goal is to show your appreciation and love in the AO3 comments of the fic itself! Give fic authors some love 🥰!

Week #3: October 22 - October 28, 2024 Title: The Stars Were Brightly Shining Chapters: [ 3 ] [ 4 ] [ 5 ] [ 6 ] Ship: Elena Gilbert/Klaus Mikaelson Author: adlyb | @livlepretre Posted: December 22, 2019 - December 31, 2019 Chapters: 3-6/54 | Total Work Word Count: 115,649

Week #4: October 29 - November 4, 2024 Title: The Stars Were Brightly Shining Chapters: [ 7 ] [ 8 ] [ 9 ] [ 10 ] Ship: Elena Gilbert/Klaus Mikaelson Author: adlyb | @livlepretre Posted: January 2, 2020 - February 2, 2020 Chapters: 7-10/54 | Total Work Word Count: 115,649

Week #5: November 5 - November 11, 2024 Title: The Stars Were Brightly Shining Chapters: [ 11 ] [ 12 ] [ 13 ] [ 14 ] Ship: Elena Gilbert/Klaus Mikaelson Author: adlyb | @livlepretre Posted: February 3, 2020 - February 16, 2020 Chapters: 11-14/54 | Total Work Word Count: 115,649

Week #6: November 12 - November 18, 2024 Title: The Stars Were Brightly Shining Chapters: [ 15 ] [ 16 ] [ 17 ] [ 18 ] Ship: Elena Gilbert/Klaus Mikaelson Author: adlyb | @livlepretre Posted: February 23, 2020 - February 27, 2020 Chapters: 15-18/54 | Total Work Word Count: 115,649

[thepunkmuppet]

ok if this is just me then it’s whatever but for me teen wolf finishes at season 3b.

like allison dies, the end. the rest of it is what my brain and the brains of talented fic writers can conjure up, because it could be absolute nonsense and still be better than whatever the hell season 4 onwards even is.

liam is okay I guess. I like the season where stiles disappears. there are some (emphasis on some) really great moments and plotlines. but season 4 is such a fucking shitshow, honestly some of the worst tv I have ever watched, which is made even worse because I have to watch it play out with characters I love.

isaac, who had the potential to be one of the best characters, disappears without a trace, and later so does the wonderful kira

malia (who I high key really hate, sorry but she sucks) and scott get together at the end which is just. what the actual fuck

alison’s aunt comes back in the most contrived and stupid way I’ve ever seen (were-jaguar?? ik this show is weird and silly but give me a fucking break)

danny also disappears in favour of a personality-less gay best friend (sorry if you like him, he never did anything wrong it just pisses me off bc he only seems to be there for diversity points. I literally can’t even remember his name)

jackson comes back and is dating one of the also personality-less twins for no reason (and yet they couldn’t even confirm stiles is bi??? what a joke)

and the writing is just bad it’s just so bad… where the dialogue in the first seasons was campy and fun now it’s just cringe and borderline unwatchable, and the plot points are sketchy at best and completely incomprehensible at worst (aka whatever the fuck happened in season 4 I still don’t know)

sorry I’m really dredging up some 2020-teen-wolf-obsessed-in-lockdown emotions here but god I just hate it so much. there is so much potential in that show, so many great characters and concepts, but it all just devolved into twilight-level awfulness and honestly full on character assassination, all culminating in me not even giving a single flying fuck about the (objectively insane and exciting) movie coming out whenever tf it did.

yeah I love teen wolf but it finishes with season 3 the rest is up to fanfiction for me idk what to tell you 🫡

[klaineccfanficlibrary]

Any Jock blaine fics?

Quite a few in our jock!blaine tag or footballplayer!blaine, especially matching with cheerio!Kurt. Here are some I've read and enjoyed. ~Jen

Happy Corners By @a-simple-rainbow tumblr fic

Stuck in the most boring math class in history,  Kurt suffers moment of madness and draws two flowers on the notebook of a sleeping jock next to him. Inexplicably, the silly thing leads to a tentative friendship (and then some) between  the two. 3000 words of dorky behaviour in a classroom. Jock!Blaine.

~~~~~

Not exclusive by nellie12

Finn happens to be doing well for himself in the University of Florida. He is starting QB for the Gators, and he’s a member of Phi Beta Kappa, and his grades aren’t terrible. He also has his favorite step-brother coming to visit from New York, and Kurt has no idea he’s about to have the Spring Break of a lifetime until he meets Finn’s best friend and frat mate- Blaine Anderson.

~~~~~

Hoping for the impossible by 29nbil

Blaine Anderson is the most popular student at McKinley High. He is dating a popular girl and is the quarterback on the football team. The day he meets Kurt Hummel, the new schools skank, everything changes. KLAINE

Sequel: Never Let Me Go (last updated May 2020)

~~~~~

~~~~~

All In the Past by gleekto

Kurt Hummel is tolerating his senior year of high school. He’s head Cheerio, which affords him some protection from the hamhock bullies who ruined his designer knock offs in his first few years. He can manage this one last year with that new charming transfer student, Blaine Anderson. swooping into his school, rising to popularity, leading the football team, and completely ignoring him. Next year he’ll be free from a world where everyone is afraid of the gay kid.

He just didn’t expect Blaine Anderson to swoop into his college world too.

Cheerio!Kurt/Football!Blaine

~~~~~

Enemies with benefits By klaineanummel

 Kurt Hummel is the captain of the NYU Violets soccer team. Blaine Anderson is the captain of the Columbia Lions soccer team. They’re bitter rivals on and off the field, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t also be attracted to each other. Right?

~~~~~

Collide by @scatter-the-stars

Kurt Hummel is having a terrible week.  On top of his car breaking down and his laptop dying at the worst time possible, finding his boyfriend cheating on him is the final straw against the camel’s back.  A night of drinking is much deserved.  But waking up in bed with star quarterback Blaine Anderson is something he doesn’t need.  Determined to forget it and move on, he finds that hard when Blaine has other ideas.  At first wanting nothing to do with the biggest playboy on campus, somehow Kurt finds himself agreeing to being friends with Blaine.  It’s a friendship that opens his eyes to the guy he never really knew.  And soon finds him wanting the one person he maybe shouldn’t want.

[unioncolours]

The 5th Majsasaurus Year

Today is the 22nd of September, 2024. As per tradition, I have written a reflection of the year that has passed since September 22nd 2023, a public diary entry of sorts. Not only is Sept 22nd Shikamaru’s birthday, but also Majsasaurus as a member of the Naruto fandom’s birthday as well. This date marks five years since I posted my first fic in the Naruto fandom. You can read my first reflection from 2020 here, the second from 2021 here, the third from 2022 here, and the fourth from 2023 here.

It's been five years guys! Half a decade of making a fool out of myself online!

I have to be honest, this year has not been the best when it comes to fandom. While not as depressing as the worst year of 2021, it’s been challenging for sure. Before I go into this year and personally reflects all its quirks and events, I’ll start by introducing my nickname that’s been used on me online; Bex.

When I got social in the Shikatema fandom spheres back in late 2019 I asked people to call me a different name, a name I chose. My back then friends said the name I chose was too long and didn’t want to call me that, so they gave me the name Bex. I accepted the nickname without whining, because there I was, new in a server, and I just followed their lead. So I became Bex online. This is important for later, hence why I told this backstory.

And now onto the fifth year of being this persona online. Keep reading if you’re interested in my year.

I finished my last review of my year by announcing to you, my followers and friends, that I was expecting a child, a theme which was very visible in the fic I published 23rd of September 2023, we hold galaxies.

Since I knew that I’d obviously would have to cut down my time spent online very drastically after my baby would be born, I planned to write one more Shikajin fic with the aim of it being around 30k long, hoped to publish it in December and then be on a longer break. However, it’s… not always that easy being pregnant haha! What I didn’t realise then but realised later was that I suffered from brain fog and that made writing challenging.

What did cherish my days was that dear SpicedGold, who I for a longer while have been close to, sent me a giftbox literally from across the globe. In that giftbox she included two homemade plushies, one of Inojin and one of Shikadai and I had never been so surprised in my life. Now two plushies of them is decorating my shelf above my computer by which I write fics! My friend @clumsydragon28sent me from another corner across the globe another gift box to me as a Christmas gift, where I got even more plushies! Those were of Rowlet from Pokémon and Fyodor from BSD and both plushies decorate my living room. The gifts were truly cherished.

However, because I had rather forcefully decided that I WILL write a final pre-motherhood fic and had a deadline if I wanted it published before my baby was born, it meant I stuck with the first idea I had that sounded mediocrely interesting. Yeah, I should not have forced myself at that point, but wanted to go on a break with a bang and wanted to give my readers something to chew on before giving birth.

And I had very strong faith in myself that I could make it.

For months I battled through writing a plotline my heart didn’t love and my due date got closer and closer and all I could see was plot holes and words that refused to form. I realised 30k would not be enough for whatever I was cooking, and I had now strayed very far from my original plan.

I started to procrastinate and, because I had gained 60 user subscribers on AO3 (if you’re one of them, thank you so much), I decided to host a silly bingo with prompts. I received a few prompt-asks and wrote mini fics for them, all around 600-800 words. It was a wonderful way of procrastinating. You can read my mini fics here: Jinchuuriki Temari part one and two, TemaTen modern au, a fluffy Shikatema, and a Witcher AU.

Not even when my maternity leave had begun before the due date had I made any significant dent in my primary fic and I failed my quest to publish it, even if I by then had a good idea of what to do of the story.

After my child was born and when I had healed form the birth the brain fog vanished immediately. With zero sleep and a tired body I once more had a vision for my fic, and I banged through the rest of it like a madwoman. I had inspiration once more!

TERRORISE, the Shikajin fic, was published at the end of March 2024 and ended being 56k long. It is definitely not my best fic by any means, and there are at least two or even three places where I know I could have added a subplot to up the word count to my trustworthy 90-something thousand words to make a deeper and more profound story, but at that season of my life I could not write a better story than what TERRORISE ended up being. The missing subplots were the lie Inojin told, and Chocho and Sarada’s common backstory, which were only mentioned and alluded to, but not explored like they could to have made a better story. The final chapter was published by the beginning of May, and I have not re-read anything of it.

I had already decided before my baby was born that my project when they were here would be to re-edit To go down with the Sun, my first long fic from 2019. I had often thought about re-editing it finally, since before 2019 I had never written something vast that in English before. That meant my fics at the beginning of my career had language errors that I couldn’t see then, but now was aware of. I started re-editing in May, thinking I would change and add to a good amount of scenes, but in the end, I only added a little bit to one scene aside from correcting and re-editing the rest, which honestly surprised me, even if I so boldly stated in my previous official diary post that there would not be anything to correct. That my bold claims were true did surprise me after all.

Beside that I also added more scenes to three chapters from no one cries for unknown soldiers, my Shikatema WWII fic from 2022, just because I could and I had wanted to do it for a longer while, since that fic would have benefited from having a longer editing period than what I allowed it to have two years ago. So I did! It was fun and lovely to dive back into one of my favourite projects of all of my time in fandom.

In the middle of re-editing Sun I was struck by very sudden and intense inspiration to write about Saiino. In my ‘giving birth’-projection fic with Temari I waxed poetics about the wonders (and horrors) of biology when it comes to childbirth and ended the fic on a very powerful and positive note, but now felt inclined to write a fic which featured a mother who did not have a wonderful start of her motherhood and who fell ill to postpartum depression instead of having a lovely baby bubble.

As if possessed I smashed on my keyboard and crunched to get the fic done in time for Mother’s Day 2024. I made it, and the Ino-centric fic to grow a bed of flowers was published late that evening. I even rushed my ending a bit to make it but even with a rushed ending the entire atmosphere of the piece of so bittersweet and lovely! Postpartum depression is also such a hidden or even taboo topic that I think it was very needed in our fandom to have a description of that.

I could then go back to To go down with the Sun, and I had even commissioned the skilled and wonderful @keijidraws to make a poster for the fic, which I felt like that fic deserved. Over these five years that has passed since I wrote the first words of this fic (if my memory isn’t failing me, I think it was 10th of October 2019 I started writing Sun), To go down with the Sun has given me so, so much. My most kudos and hits, many friends, online crushes, *fans* even if I dare to call them that, soulmates, it all, all started from that fic. It deserved getting reborn and loved again. It was a rather easy job banging through published chapters and just edit them. I had finished everything the final week of May and was really proud.

By the beginning of June I was planning to write an InoTema fic, and was musing between two different settings and plots when I learned that the way I was perceived in what was part of my fandom circle was not a positive one and, being my own fault for how I behaved or was, or not, it affected me badly. Being online caused me panic attacks, I got problems with my sleep, and I had nightmares. And because of that I started to hate the person I was online. I hated Bex and I hated Majsasaurus. I hated the way I was that had led to me being perceived that way and if I hadn’t known better and counted down from ten, I would have nuked myself off the internet out of shame and hatred.

I would have deleted this tumblr you are reading this post from. I would even have deleted my discord server I have loved and nurtured since 2021 without the blessings of the other mods, just nuked it, leaving them shocked and detached from the group of friends we had. I would have ruined it all. I would have deleted everything but my fics on AO3. No, deleted wouldn’t have been enough, in my hatred for my own persona, for Bex, this person that was given to me all those years ago, I wanted to kill her.

I constantly planned suicide letters in my head to post here online. Not killing myself in real life of course, but online. And killing Bex would mean to kill my love for Naruto the series and ShikaTema and Shikajin. How does one kill a hyperfixation?

I started working on it, on killing her. I created a new tumblr and a new nickname and logged out of this one. I hid my twitter account. I decided to never write a Naruto fic again. As you can see, it got very bad very fast. Some of you might think I overreacted at words on a screen and that it all was my own damn fault and I should have reacted or gone about it differently, but it just got like this.

The entire month of June and July I spent in darkness when it came to fandom. It felt like Shikajin would be the only thing keeping me tied to Naruto again and in a desperate attempt to cheer myself up I began editing To dance above the Stars, the sequel to To go down with the Sun, and my true favourite out of the trilogy it belongs to. To try to force myself to not give up, I asked my dear friend Soverel6 if she wanted to make me a poster and she happily agreed, without knowing I was one click away from deleting myself away from her.

Then I began editing sometimes in June. I thought the fic sucked when I re-read it this time around and rather than adding, deleted a lot of the content. Most of the content I deleted was unnecessary preaching for a cause I ran in the fic, and I toned down that theme a lot. After 4 chapters I was ready to give up, to just not bother anymore with this fandom crap and leave for good, when Soverel6 surprised me with an almost finished poster. For her sake, I could not give up. I could not fail the trust she had in me, and I kept fighting for my joy within the little world of the fic.

After a month of sulking and feeling awful I managed to once more spew fun ideas for @notquitejiraiya's sequel fic to her masterpiece Grandmaster, which we jokingly call GMJ (the real name is Piano Man haha). SpicedGold also got to know I was feeling bad and to cheer me up started writing the sequel, When Waterlilies Waken, to the fic that originally made us friends, Let Wildflowers Grow Free. I felt so honoured she got around to do this, after me talking (pestering her) about a potential sequel for a long time. During this time I had reached my favourite parts of the fic, To dance above the Stars, I was editing, and thanks to the support I received from friends when talking about it I finally managed to find it fun to work with a fic again. I was still greatly offline from Naruto spheres, and when I sometimes logged into this tumblr just to check I was very careful to never reblog anything and often logged out again with a pending panic attack.

I uploaded the edited chapter of To dance above the Stars onto AO3 when it was finished in August along with Soverel6’s poster and finally dared to show my face on twitter again. Twitter felt safer than tumblr for some reason.

By this time, two months since I began hating being part of this fandom, I finally started feeling hope again. I decided that, before taking the ultimate decision to actually leave, I must write one final long fic of ShikaTema. I mused different prompts, all of them long and angsty and bloody of course per my brand and what I love to write the most. I mused different plots and it was between yet another historical au which would take place during WWI, another historical au which would take place during the 1700s and focus on witch-hunting, or a fantasy au which would be my Witcher AU, which I have mused for a bit and am really fond of.

I decided in the end to attempt at the Witcher AU.

However, I didn’t start writing it, and started writing this text instead already in late August. Then, after knowing I had received so much love on the WWII-au from 2022, one of my best fics to be honest, in the spur of the moment I decided that I will record the entire fic as a podfic. I begged my dear friend Becks to make me a new poster for the fic’s re-launching as a podfic and since she luckily agreed, I promised myself to do it. I, Bex, would try something completely new! And dauting. And tough. Recording wasn’t a problem in itself, I love reading things out loud, but the chapters were longer than I thought when reading out loud, and the software I downloaded for the editing was not as easy to manoeuvre as I predicted.

Then the fatigue hit again. I got stuck. I have not given up and I will finish it, but the deadline is maybe by 2025, haha.

When I got stuck with recording myself, I managed to scrape together a will to finally, after three months of practically deciding to never write any fic ever again, write a one shot. That one shot ended up being a second chapter to we hold galaxies, my projection fic I published exactly a year ago on Shikadai’s birthday 2023. I first thought of making it a one shot, but ultimately decided to add it as a chapter instead, and I was pretty satisfied with how it ended up being.

Now I am facing what to do next. I still had that promise of a long ShikaTema fic, but the Witcher AU didn’t feel as good as it once did. The hype inside me waned at the same time as new ideas spurred. New ideas. Did you hear that, “new ideas”? That is the sound of me almost being healed from the intense hatred I felt towards my Naruto online persona during the summer.

One of the new ideas is for example connected to Inojin’s canon fate in Boruto the manga, during which chapter he ‘died’ I was not feeling good. I was already trying to strangle my love for him and then he DIED on me. I cried. Yeah, no, judge all you want, but I was not exactly mentally stable enough to witness that. Now, however, I am luckily having fun with engaging with canon once more, since Inojin survived, and we got some good food from the chapters. I had fun in my safe space with other people who were engaged with his fate.

I am now brooding an intense and angsty Shikatema canonverse long fic. Canonverse! It’s almost like going back in time to when I thought I only could (and wanted) to write canonverse, back in 2020 and 2021. I also have a wlw idea again, after deciding to trash all the InoTema ideas that were ruined due to my anxiety in June, so it feels… normal again. It feels like I normally feel like in fandom, in a place where my imagination can run free and I can be the antithesis of a dude bro: the silly bean sister.

I find it ironic how I every year say I have learned to deal with fandom grief, but this year proved once more that I will never learn. But I think I will have to learn to accept that I won't learn.

Now we are here again, at the 22nd of September. Five years has passed since I uploaded the first chapter to my first fic, and I have 950 000 words uploaded on AO3. Earlier this year I promised myself to beat the delicious one million word count before 2025, and I know I realistically still can do it if I start writing tomorrow and stick to it.

But I will not retire until I have that sweet one million words on AO3. It would be too much of a failure to do so. So, dear sixty something subscribers, followers and other lurkers, expect at least 50k more of Majsasaurus fic in the future.

And yes, you can call me Bex. I don’t want to kill her anymore. I asked her forgiveness for being so angry, especially when I proudly bought a Temari Funko figurine in September. I don’t think I can kill this hyperfixation just yet. I don’t think I even want to kill it.

I can, with confidence, say, that there will be a 6th Majsasaurus Year in 2025, at least in some capacity.

Thank you to those who stopped me from deleting everything.

Majsasaurus Bex

[pythoness94]

I love your commentary on the fanon perception of the party

so id love to ask how you'd think the different members would *actually* react to will coming out to them

also thank you for acknowledging byler fights AREN'T one-sided. they're both love struck teens that say dumb things sometimes and thats perfectly fine

I know! It's a thing that's been bugging me because as i'm writing my fic. ( a react fic with the characters watching the show.) I'm forced to watch scenes upwards of 10 times or more while writing, i've rewatched episodes almost everyday, skipping around back and forth to write the characters reactions. By doing this, I have been able to go "WTF IS DUSTIN DOING IN THIS FIC BRO???". Since i've seen the show probably more then I should have and more often than average it's a lot easier to piece canon from fanon when canon is etched into your brain. I'm able to acknowledge every character's faults because I see it and have to write it down into my story, analyzing how each character would react to each situation. I am, of course, not perfect because i am VERY fond of Mike since see myself in him so i'm more sympathetic to him and i'm trying to be better about that.

However, instead of just seeing them as (this is the worst cases i've seen, mostly in 2020 fanfics.) Mike's a dick,( He's a teen boy who's been getting in terrible situations since he was 14, and trying to process that while realizing he's gay and thinking that he's leading El on. He's scared so he's snapping at the hand that feeds him, not being a dick for no reason. ) Will's a sad gay baby, (He's the same as Mike, 14 and trying to process his trauma, except he was a lot more of it. His best friend is wigging tf out over his girlfriend and distancing himself from him, making Will feel even more alone and worried so he's trying his best to save his relationship by sacrificing himself for Mike's relationship. not realizing that's the EXACT opposite of what Mike needs. He's not JUST sad, he's scared, he's scared of things being taken from him, so he's giving them away first.)

Max is mean, (She just lost her fucking brother, she is trying to grapple with the fact that she doesn't really feel all that bad about losing him. That's what is making her snap. Billy was horrible to her, but she was his brother so she should feel bad, that's her thought process and Vecna is preying upon that. Trying to make her feel like a terrible person infecting everyone around her, so Max is pushing everyone away, making herself look terrible and mean so that way they leave her alone to rot as she thinks she should. She's not mean, she's scared.) Lucas is dumb but strong, ( he played basketball in one season guys. He's strong but he's also a nerd. He's loyal, he's funny, he WANTS to protect the people around him. That's what Lucas is, a protector, he wants to keep his party safe and is trying to be strong for them. Trying to keep everyone together and in his sight. He will lose his shit if ONE more person gets taken from him. He's scared not dumb.)

Dustin is funny, (He's a kid who has lost many things, he's trying to cope with the things happening around him. he thinks Dart is his fault, he knows he should have told the party from the start but instead he lied, and it caused a bunch of pain for his party. He refuses to make that mistake again. However, he knows his party is struggling and he doesn't want to add onto that, so he laughs and jokes, trying to keep the mood up despite how he's panicking. Losing Eddie is going to terrify Dustin. he's going to be quieter and more thoughtful. I know that when Mike inevitably pulls his self-sacrifice bullshit, he does in every season to some extent. Dustin is going to flip his shit, seeing Eddie dying, and refusing to let Mike pull that. Especially since he was there for the quarry, he's going to be protective of Mike, not only because he doesn't want to lose him and knows Mike would GLADY pitch himself in front of a Demogorgon if he saw fit. But because Mike knew Eddie to, he was as close with Eddie has Dustin was and he wants to talk about that with him. He wants to keep Eddie's memory alive, and he can't do it alone. He's not just funny, he's terrified.) El is incapable outside of her superpowers. (This is regarding her knowledge to the outside world, but we're past season 1 guys, she knows how the world works, just not all of it. She won't be asking what things are every five seconds, mostly she'll just SUCK at picking up social cues. She wants to be her own person, she'll do her best to learn this stuff alone as time goes on, trying to advance individually to be on equal grounds with her party. She doesn't want to have to rely on people, she wants to be the person people rely on and not just for her powers. She's not incapable, she's not just 'superman.' she's her own person who is scared of people not seeing her as such.)

One thing i've noticed is that everyone in the party is scared, everyone is scared of something. That something is giving Vecna a chance to prey on every one of them. Making them more scared, so, instead of pushing each other away, they are uniting. They saw how going solo worked out for Max and they refuse to let that happen again. So, keeping all this in mind, how would the party react to Will coming out? Not one of them would be disgusted by Will, confused? Yes, disgusted? no. They have all been the weirdos they have always been the weirdos. The party knows that each of them have something about them that makes them "different" and being gay has always been that for Will even when the party didn't know it to be true.

We all know how Mike would react. A bit shocked at first but accepting, (this is if Mike is straight.) he pushed Troy over in season one for calling Will a fairy, he would NOT be homophobic. That man was besties with Eddie along with Dustin, he embraces that kinda stuff even if he's scared by it. If he was gay (because being fr he is.) he would also be hopeful. He would stop distancing himself so much so he can try to be there for Will.

Max would be chill with it. She is Californian and ,coming from a fellow Californian, it has always been way more liberal than any other state. especially Indiana. Cali is more open to change than most other places and even in the 80's it was less homophobic than Indiana. So Max, being from there, she would be more exposed to it and less shocked. She would be supportive of Will, and if told of his crush, would be the ONLY person to go "Oh really? Mike?" and it would be joking. she would totally try to set them up. (Remember season 3 with the magazines, I like to think she would try to do something similar for Will and Mike.) although she would be a bit worried about El after figuring out their...situation, she would be on board with it after they broke up.

Dustin would be curious, he would be like. "Wait...you're gay?" Not connecting all the dots until he looks back on it and goes. "Ohhhh, that explains why you thought Phoebe cates wasn't hot!" he'd be supportive but wanting to look deeper into it, taking a second to process y'know?

Lucas would be on it immediately, I get the feeling he already knew. He would be like, "Yeah, that makes sense." Since he knew Mike and Will the longest i'm sure he already had it figured out. Lucas is literally just waiting for Mike to get is shit together. He would be supportive and tease Will about his crush on Mike until they got together and them he would tease the both of them.

Finally El, she wouldn't understand Homophobia (this is one of those social cue things I was talking about.) however, I think two things could happen. A being I don't think she would really KNOW that boys can like Boys and Girls can like Girls, so she would be like. "Wait...that can happen?" and then she would need it explained to her. Will would be extremely nervous, because El is Mike's girlfriend but while I think El would be a bit sad if she knew Mike had a crush on Will she would understand that you can't really change that. Also that she doesn't deserve to treated like that and should have someone who loves her. The second thing I could see happening is El going. "So? i like boys too??" and needing Homophobia explained to her, to which she goes. "That's fucking stupid. Mouth breather behavior honestly." and being supportive of Will.

Thank you for the ask by the way! I really wanted to talk about this and I hope you enjoy it!

[isakyakihasmyheart]

Mind Dump 5 years on...

This is the first time I've logged into this account since 2019(ish) so I'm pretty sure there's going to be no one left here but if you are, Hi! I'm just going to dump this post here because I am a tumblr girl at heart and laying my most deepest thoughts to strangers on the internet is all I've ever known...

After the recent news of the death of Liam Payne 2 days ago I've been thinking about this website non-stop. Like many people, this news hit me so unexpectedly emotionally. Grieving someone I never knew, but also grieving a time in my life I can never ever experience again.

My life has changed so much since I last logged into this account, and yet so little at the same time. I started this account in early 2017 after I got into SKAM back in 2016, abandoning a previous Dan and Phil centred account I had from 2014. I was still in school, the last season of SKAM lining up with my own life of leaving school and starting university. I remember thinking that was so cool, watching these characters I grew to adore also experiencing their last year alongside me. I started university in late 2018, studying to become a nurse but yet never got over SKAM. Instead, I became obsessed DRUCK and connected to Matteo in a way I haven't ever experienced with another fictional character since (the only close match being Connell from Normal People in that one uni scene iykyk). However, I ultimately ended up abandoning this account in 2019.

I don't actually know why I stopped coming on this website. Because since I was 14 this website was all I could ever think about. Me and best friend in 2014 were absolutely obsessed with tubmlr. We would literally spend hours on this website reblogging the most random things, and things that at that point in our lives meant so much to us. And with this recent news, I've felt this strong tsunami of nostalgia for that period of my life.

I was never a 1D blog, but I loved 1D. Not very openly as I had older sisters who made fun of me for it. I squashed any outwardly expression of my love for them to avoid this at all costs. A major cost being turning down to go and see them in concert in 2014/2015 when my friend (mentioned above) had an extra ticket. I think about that often and regret it every time. When covid came around and we were in lockdown I was in the mid/end of my 2nd year of uni, 20 years of age. I know a lot of people talk of how they regressed back to their younger passions, and so did I. I had the full 1D experience I never let myself have, not caring about others' opinions on it (mainly my older sister). I listened to their music nonstop every single day, watching so many edits and even reading fan fics. I truly felt like I was 14 again. But there was always that voice in the back of my head saying, "you're too late, it's not the same, you've missed out on it all." I yearned with everything in me to be that teenage girl again. It was during this period in 2020 that my family relationships also became very volatile and dysfunctional, meaning 1D became an even bigger safe space for me.

I've always been a nostalgic person in the worst way possible. I can't help but let the regrets of things I never did consume me. The thoughts of how different my life could be, how different I could be, it always plagues me. I know this sounds dramatic because I'm talking about a 2010s boyband, believe me I know it does.

But I was 14 when my life started to go to shit, when my mental health first started to decline and truthfully it has never recovered. Maybe because in the back of my mind, I always felt like that 14 year old girl, scared and alone and hurting so bad with no one to help her. And the unbelievable shocking news of Liam Payne dying, it's just transporting me back to that period of my life. Even more so as I lost my dad very unexpectedly and traumaticly in March this year.

I just feel so full of grief for so many things all at once, all separate yet all so intertwined. I would truly give anything and everything I have to just relive being that teenage girl, even the unspeakable bad parts. And it makes me so angry to know I can't. And of course, I can't, because that's not how time works! Yet it feels like I can't breathe when I come to that realisation. In all its dramatic flare, it genuinely feels like it's killing me that I can't ever experience that life again.

All in all, I'll never truly forget this website. Especially not this account, I loved this account! Maybe this is just the part of growing up I'm currently struggling with. I'm 24 now, which in itself is scary because no matter what I am and always will be that 14 year old girl.

Girlhood is forever and always xx